#sorry you triggered a ramble there

[transgenbur]

c!wilbur with crutches post revival because he’s still weak from yk. literal death

REAL!!!!

realistically like someone else said post-limbo cwilbur wouldn't actually be a functional human being (given that his situation is literally impossible for a person) but he needs to be for the story but i think there should still be a level of like. He would have issues . lots of them. More than pre-death .

and i don't mean just like "oh i am sad because i didn't talk to people for a while :(" i mean that he would make himself sick scarfing down food just because he completely forgot the sensory experience of eating, then throwing it all back up because a) his stomach didn't handle food for thirteen years b) he has lost all ability to judge how full he is or what his body needs.

like you said i think he'd be much physically weaker, if only just from essentially sitting on his ass for over a decade. i think his eyes would also be MUCH more sensitive to light — i mean he was literally in darkness the whole time apart from the light of the train announcement board (no trains were ever announced). he'd get terrible migraines, which is where the headcanon i saw floating around about the red glasses being for headaches comes in!!!

and don't get me started on the touch starvedness. i think like i mentioned he's lost so much ability on how to read his own body that he doesn't even fully understand that it's physical affection he's craving — he just kinda feels a black hole inside of him but its been eating at him for so long he doesn't even realise it's there. he doesn't remember not being this cold and shivering no matter how many coats and blankets he wears. (tw SH mention later) i think he'd be misguided and try to fix the problem with warmth - blankets, jumpers, sitting by the chimney, and when that doesnt work, putting out cigarettes on himself.

in general he's in constant need of SOMETHING, of stimulation, to feel that he's alive, and here it needs to be burning hot to fix how cold he is but of course it doesn't work, it's not what he needs, but he doesn't know how to recognise that.

i think he'd also have a lot of trouble with sensory input because he'd be in a constant state of oscillation between being over- and under- stimulated.

on one hand, the absence of sensory input (beyond that of the train station) would create such a NEED for him to FEEL the world, to feel the grass and the sun and the warmth and see colours and taste and touch and smell things.

on the other hand, that very deprivation that creates that want would also have made him much more sensitive to it. essentially, the lack makes him need it and also be hurt by it. Yeah its a whole ride

[catinasink]

theres nothing wrong with not being okay btw. theres nothing wrong with struggling with mental health, or eds, or sh, or suicidal thoughts, chronic illnesses, disorders, anything. theres nothing wrong with struggling. its okay to not be okay. its okay to seek out help, its okay to not, its okay. you can do it, i believe in you.

[leverage-ot3]

sorry to keep personal posting but my day fucking SUCKED and ended with me dropping one of my brand new earrings from a set that I just finished cleaning down the drain, took the sink apart and still couldn’t find it 🙃

if y’all feel like asking a leverage/misc question for thoughts or headcanons I’d love to answer them in the morning! or even if you just want to say something about your day- I just like hearing from you guys 💖

[boywifesammy]

s5e11 sam, interrupted is THE EPISODE. it’s a fucking cinematic pipe bomb. watching it is like chewing on glass and swallowing propane. it is wonderful, it is amazing, it is EXCRUCIATING and i love it. allow me to explain.

(under the cut because i ended up rambling lol)

like, yes… it is extremely ableist. it is extremely offensive. it is an overdone harmful caricature of psych wards and horrific to watch but that is EXACTLY what makes it so good. i’ve never seen spn as a horror show but man this episode?? the psychological distress of it, the unease, the dereality??? it has me frothing at the mouth.

as someone who has tics and PTSD i have first hand experience being labelled as Crazy so that’s the lens i’m coming at this from. this episode is most definitely not a reliable source for mental health info but the way they portrayed martin’s character kinda got me. him stuttering over certain words, his general paranoia, how they clearly address that he went through a deeply traumatic event but that he’s still useful as a hunter even though he can’t do the things he used to before. i don’t think the writers intended for this episode to be viewed the way i did but man i am shaking it around in my cranium like a snow globe.

just the first few minutes of it is insane. dean acknowledging that sam was high on demon blood and that the apocalypse wasn’t his fault. seeing the absolute absurdity of the show in perspective with real life. dean admitting to his psych doctor that he's an insomniac, alcoholic, and incapable of holding long-terms relationships with his usual blase nonchalance, then immediately clamming up when she hits him with the "let's talk about your father." ??!!! i know dean is The daddy issues character but i love when they call him out like that.

and how can i Not point out the blatant assault and objectification… wendy forcefully making out with both sam AND dean. them both getting probed by the fucking monster of the week not even 10 minutes into the episode. SAM BEING TIED DOWN. i cannot explain to you how much i love seeing him restrained. the moment i saw sam tied down and angry i literally vibrated out of my skin that boy must be helpless and restrained more often it is beautiful.

on a sort of related note: high sam. yes. just yes. the little nose boop. him telling dean I Love You. getting all emotional about how much he cares about his brother. the themes of his autonomy being stripped. him being drugged up against his will when he’s a recovering drug addict????? INSANE.

also one thing that really stood out to me was dean being diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic with narcissistic personality disorder and religious delusions. which, yes, is inaccurate, but seems more like a misinterpretation of his PTSD symptoms. dean isn’t schizophrenic but he IS paranoid and he’s trained himself so thoroughly to weaponize his feelings that even to HIMSELF he seems narcissistic, when he’s really just scared and desperate. he externalizes his self-hatred as this overfed bravado but it’s because if he was honest about how he felt about himself the guy would simply fall apart.

expanding on that note… sam&dean meta on how they react to trauma & grief. dean immediately clams up and becomes anxious and terrified. he shrouds himself in so much false confidence but he genuinely hates himself so fucking much. so much that he just sits with his pain because he thinks he deserves it, while sam wants to externalize. he’s angry and that scares him because of what’s in his blood but the truth is that he has every right to be angry. he wants to be gentle but he has so much repressed rage that it bursts out of him and leaves him terrified in the aftermath. dean on the other hand wants to be angry but he’s so scared and critical of himself that he shuts down.

and the ending. my god the ending. dean telling sam to wrap it up and stuff it down. it’s excruciating to watch because dean’s advice is fucking shit but it’s also heart-breaking because it puts into perspective just how much these boys have on their conscience.

they PHYSICALLY cannot deal with their trauma. it is so awful and overwhelming that they could not function if they remembered it, so they forget about it. they push it down. they hide it away, and it’s so fucking refreshing to have an episode that acknowledges that they do that because THAT IS A TRAUMA RESPONSE. it is quite literally a SURVIVAL tactic. people who are severely traumatized will wipe their memory of traumatic events because they cannot function with it in the peripheral. this is a clear manifestation of sam and dean’s PTSD and how when they’re faced with these problems, their emotions take over and they completely lose themselves, whether that’s due to fear or rage.

the horror of this episode isn’t the wraith. it isn’t the silly little monster sucking out people’s brains. it’s the thing inside you. it is the imagery of these people hanging or with slit wrists being passed off as suicidal because they’re mentally ill. it is the ugly truth of trauma and the ways it twists your memory and self-worth. it is the inherent belief that someone is worthless if they are psychotic or paranoid. it’s the way the episode puts that perspective on sam and dean, shows them what it’s like to hallucinate and drags up their own repressed memories and puts them on full display. it is TRULY horrifying and it is GRIM and NASTY because it is about the human psyche and the horrible ways it can be twisted. it’s a fucking phenomenal episode if you can read the subtext and get past the whole “scary psych ward bad” wrapping.

[thelionandtheeagle]

Do you guys wanna see something so immensely Tim Drake it kills the man? (In a good way. Affectionately. I love him so much)

There's so much that could be said here, it's great

[goldensunset]

sometimes i think about how some poor unsuspecting soul asked me what my favorite kikuo songs were and instead of being normal i unleashed a fully thought-out ranked tier list of like 20 different songs half of which probably have never been heard by more than two people worldwide

[unforth]

Y'all (general) really really need to exercise the block buttons more.

An opinion you don't agree with? Someone makes you uncomfortable? Something you don't like? Even just a person whose way of presenting information makes you uncomfortable (even if you agree with them)?

Block.

BLOCK.

B.L.O.C.K.

Look, I get it. I used to think seeing opinions I didn't agree with was important, that exposing myself was a way of staying informed. But finally, I hit a breaking point - I already knew the viewpoints I disagreed with, and seeing them every day was making me miserable.

I've blocked liberally since then.

And the most remarkable thing happened: I routinely see posts where lots of people are disagreeing with the same person...and I already have that person blocked.

Because the most insidious thing about letting myself see the negativity and things that made me unhappy all the time is that leaving it all there gave me the impression that there were a LOT of vocally awful people saying things that hurt me.

But there aren't.

There's actually a surprisingly small number of people who get off on trolling or are so marinated in hate that they have to spew it all around them, and when you block those people, the world gets much more peaceful.

You're not growing as a person by exposing yourself to rhetoric that hurts you. You're just hurting, which is exactly how those people want you to feel: they want you to be in as much agony as they are.

Don't give them the satisfaction.

BLOCK THEM.

(tbh I've hit the point that I think people who willfully, deliberately, loudly, intentionally don't block are engaging in a form of self-harm. seriously, you're not taking a noble stand, no one cares if you don't block except the people hurting you.)

[mx-werebat]

Hello apologies for my weird ramblings earlier I am okay now, I think my brain is just.. Not good in the mornings

[n4talia-chaparro]

SO SORRY YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO SEE ME STRESSED AND OVERWHELMED WITH MYSELF LATELY

I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH SELF-DOUBT SINCE TUESDAY-

THIS WHOLE THING WITH THE AU PROJECTS AND OTHER STUFF IS DIFFICULT- I DO NOT KNOW IF I'LL BE ABLE TO FINISH IT, I'M SCARED THAT I'LL HARM PEOPLE WITH IT,,

It reminds me of my past and I'm scared to do it again. I'm scared to make them mad. IDK if you guys have been aware of it since 2017 or not but you know what I'm referring to.

[invece-sto-sdraiato]

sometimes I genuinely wonder what goes through jan's brain when he does his stuff. Like when he posts weird photo edits on jo's insta and ESPECIALLY how he interacts with nace. What exactly does he intend to do? Is it planned? Is he trying to send a message? To whom? To nace, the others or to us? Does he think before his shenanigans or is it all just impulsive? What exactly goes on in that big math brain of his? I know I'm just overthinking this and overanalyzing him, but as someone who still can't ignore what other people think of me, he makes me wonder.

[le-agent-egg]

the difference between makoto x sayaka and leon x sayaka is that makoto and sayaka broke up but leon and sayaka divorced

[bearring]

People need to stop recommending me mobster movies if there’s not a guy like heavily devoted to his wife in it. ‘They robbed a bank isn’t that cool’ don’t care. Where’s the man who goes straight home to sob to his wife. Where is he. Where’s the charm and yass of a man who loves his wife. ‘5ths godfather didn’t have that and you hyperfixated on it enough to draw Sonny and Michael’ yeah they were shitty but Sonny Corleone loved his wife even if he cheated. She hated having sex with that man but they were both like holding hands and prancing around with their four kids. Stupid , he loved his wife and told her everything it was in the prequel and the book maybe you should sign off and read something physical for once

[fitzselfships]

Who would've thought that being exposed to one of your triggers (that you only recently found out is a trigger) on a daily basis would be bad for your mental health. Save me f/os </3

[whumpacabra]

There’s a post going around recently about how the whump community tags for disabled characters and I…have to disagree with its main point.

Simply tagging a post with ‘disabled whumpee’ does not give me enough information to know if a fic will be validating or triggering for me. I need more specific tags to filter out my squicks and triggers, and to identify posts of interest. Specific tags are the keystone of a community that specifically talks about potentially triggering or upsetting content.

For example, I like reading stories with characters that use prostheses and mobility aids. I find these stories relatable and validating as someone with both! But should those posts simply be tagged ‘disabled whumpee’ because it might conflict with the other users of the mobility aids and prostheses tags? I can only find out the nature of the whumpee’s disability by reading, and a negative outcome can at best turn out to be a waste of time or at worst deeply upsetting.

Cancer is a difficult topic for me given my past and current experiences with it. I have the cancer tag and a dozen variants of it blocked. Of course, people on tumblr with cancer or talking about their experiences with it use that tag to talk about it. If someone is writing about a character who has or had cancer, but only tags for ‘disabled whumpee’ I won’t know that I’m getting into a story that will cause me great distress.

I’m disabled. I have severe nerve damage, limited mobility, chronic pain, a plethora of other medical bullshit, and my condition is progressive. Whump is part of how I’ve been learning to deal with and process my struggles, and part of that involves writing and reading about disability in whump.

Do I just block all ‘disabled whumpee’ content and never know if I’m clicking on a story I’ll find relatable and validating or if I’m clicking on a story that will upset me so badly I won’t use tumblr for a few days? No - I block specific tags and specific blogs as necessary. The idea that we should stop using specific tags, when writing about a specific condition or disease, to put everything under one vague blanket is naive at best and dangerous at worst.

I understand the frustration of seeing posts you don’t want to see in a specific tag (the number of x reader headcanon blogs for fandoms I’ve never heard of that I’ve had to block when trying to browse is ridiculous). But at the end of the day if those posts are tagged appropriately (ie. not crosstagged spam in violation of the TOS) you just do what you always do for something you don’t want to see on this site: blacklist, block, and move on.

[future-crab]

requesting a rant about that sweeney todd song 👀

Ooh thank you!

So. Johanna Quartet (which I spelled wrong in my post. Sorry, Johanna.) and why it slaps.

The first thing that deserves a mention is that it’s just absolutely beautiful. I don’t know anything about music theory, so I won’t try to break that element down, but if you haven’t, I’d really recommend giving it a listen. The 2023 revival cast version is excellent imo.

The part I mainly want to talk about is Sweeney’s verses, cause I think they’re really interesting. It’s (arguably) the most introspective we ever see him in the show, and it is (arguably) both the point in the tragedy when it becomes clear that it’s too late for things to turn out well, and the false high where it seems like things might work out.

Like, the beginning of the song makes it pretty clear that at this point, he has become the person he most hates. With his possessiveness over Johanna (“my little lamb, my pet” and all that) and the incestuous overtones in lines like, “And are you beautiful and pale, with yellow hair, like her? I’d want you beautiful and pale, the way I dreamed you were, Johanna” it’s laid bare for the audience that there is no difference, really, between him and Judge Turpin anymore. They both just want to own this woman, because she’s beautiful and reminds them of her mother.

But then the last couple verses come in, and we’re given a tantalizing glimpse at the possibility of character growth with lines like, “And though I’ll think of you I guess until the day I die, I think I miss you less and less as every day goes by, Johanna.” From the second he walked onstage, he’s been single-minded in his focus on his grief and revenge, but in this incongruously honest moment, he’s admitting that he could move on.

And then! And then!!! For (to my memory) the first and only time in the show, he actually acknowledges that his fantasy of getting Johanna back is flawed. Like, earlier he doubted that it would happen (“And I’ll never see Johanna, no I’ll never hug my girl to me,” “I think we shall not meet again, my little dove, my sweet Johanna,” etc) but this is the first time he acknowledges that if it did, it wouldn’t make him happy. “And you’d be beautiful and pale, and look too much like her.” Getting Johanna back would just remind him of everything else he’s lost. There is no going back.

And his last line in the song encapsulates this contradiction – “Wake up, Johanna, another bright red day. We learn, Johanna, to say goodbye.” On the surface it seems like more character growth – he’s going to learn to let go of the past! – but the fact that he can’t help but address this statement to Johanna is a sign that he’s still too deep in his obsession. You get the sense, even at this point where he’s the closest he’s ever gotten acknowledging his fatal flaw, that it’s far too late.

Also probably worth mentioning that the entire time he’s going through all this introspection, he’s just. Slitting people’s throats. Just the whole time.

[josukespimphand]

I've been meaning to watch Jujutsu Kaisen. What got you watching? I just finished season one of Delicious in Dungeon.

Ahhh I’ve been watching/ reading it since the first season! I originally got into JJK because of Gojo… I didn’t even know who he was but I remember scrolling on twitter and seeing someone with a cropped closeup of Gojo’s face from vol. 4? But I remember being too shy to ask this person who he was/ what series was he from lol. I remember seeing the art and thinking “not to sound weird but I really love how this guys teeth is drawn…” and so, I reversed image searched the drawing and wala!

This was a few months before S1 had even gotten announced, too. I remember pulling up the manga and reading a few pages and not getting all that far (I was being lazy tbh.) but then, the anime had gotten announced and I was like “wait, isn’t this the series that I just found out about a couple of months ago??? It looks fun :0!!!” But even then, I still hadn’t started on reading it until after the second episode was released lmfao.

I actually ended up binging the manga in one night and at the time, there were only about 50ish chapters available so I was literally fiending for more if I’m being real 😭… I was so crazwkskakal. I wasn’t too nuts about Gojo originally (I was definitely a FAN but I remember being so normal about him during S1’s original run lmfao. The things I’ve said about that man… I’m a Gojo girl unfortunately….. I’m still kind of normal about him though. He’s a very well written character and deserves all of the love he gets as a character kakakak. It’s so easy to like him!

I do tend to stay away from fandoms in general (I’ve done this ever since I’d started to use social media) but especially regarding the fans of the stuff I actually enjoy. Outside of the classics like Naruto (always in my heart…) and such, I haven’t really enjoyed a new age shounen and series this much with my whole heart since JJBA (not new age but you get it) and if you’ve been following this blog for a while then you must know that I used to be such a huge fan of it! (I still am but I’ve calmed down… I miss it a whole lot actually. I still have to catch up with JoJolands… haven’t gotten that far tbh.)

DM is fun but I haven’t gotten all that far into the manga (only ever read the first chapter and that was years ago) but I watched the first 12 or so episodes and I really enjoyed them! Haven’t looked back (it’s hard to keep up with anime… and the fans make me not want to interact with it as much tbh…. JJK is diff since i genuinely adore it and I don’t interact with the fans at all anyway outside of a few mutuals/friends and I pretend everything else doesn’t exist 😭…… JJK fans are so 👎🏾 but I’m already invested so it’s a little too late for me to turn back 🫨.)