#spatial thinking my only weakness

[rebecca-liz]

There really are two kinds of people with resits huh.

I had to resit a bunch of exams in my 2nd and 3rd years because I had a slowly unfolding mental breakdown in which I had exactly 2 good ideas ("talk to a doctor, Liz, you are Not Okay" and "tell the university you are having these problems, give them the doctor's note you got on account of being Not Okay")

The people in the room during resits were either clearly still not well (hi, me neither) and taking it Very Seriously or they were suffering from Not Enough Fucks-itis and were likely not going to pass this time either.

HEY KIDS WOULD YOU LIKE A FREE TIP FOR ACADEMIA

IF YOU HAVE A RESIT AND NEED TO REWRITE A PIECE IT IS NOT A VERY GOOD IDEA TO LIE ABOUT THE FIELD TRIPS YOU DID, METHODOLOGIES YOU USED AND RESULTS YOU OBTAINED WHEN THE LECTURER MARKING IT IS THE PERSON WHO PLANNED AND TOOK YOU ON THOSE TRIPS

[theynlife]

#2: Drunk Nights

Summary: College!Y/n gets a little too wasted and gets an offer to stay with c/n for the night

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: Alcohol Consumption, that’s about as bad as it gets

B/n - boy’s name

N/n - nickname

E/c - eye color

Of all the papers I had to write in the coming weeks, exams to study for, and packing to do before heading back home from college, I somehow found myself tonight crammed into a dorm room packed like a can of sardines, trying to soak up the last ounce of the semester.

F/n and I loved to sit together and share a drink occasionally, but tonight was special—we wanted to have a good time before parting ways for the next couple of months. What started as a small gathering of close friends on a Saturday night quickly spiraled into something much larger. Word got out, and soon friends of friends began pouring through the door. Before long, the room was out of seats, out of standing room, and buzzing with chatter and laughter.

Despite the spatial discomfort, I couldn’t help but smile when a few familiar faces from my English class—B/n/1, B/n/2, and c/n—managed to slip in just before the room hit capacity. I was mid-laugh when I felt a hand land gently on my shoulder.

“Hey, n/n, is it cool if I sit next to you?” c/n asked, his tone easy and warm.

I grinned, already several shots in and feeling a bit bubbly. “Absolutely! What’ve you been up to tonight, c/n?”

He settled on the floor near my chair, leaning in slightly. “We were just hanging out in my room but figured we’d check out the commotion. B/n/1 seemed especially eager to get here,” he added, gesturing toward the duo sitting shoulder to shoulder on F/n’s bed, grins plastered on their faces.

I let out a laugh, my gaze following his. “Well, he’ll be happy to know the feeling’s mutual. F/n’s been hoping he’d show up since people started piling in about an hour ago.”

C/n raised an eyebrow at me, amusement glinting in his eyes. “Is that so?”

Feigning shock, I placed a hand dramatically on my chest. “Would I lie about something like that?”

We both burst into laughter, barely able to catch our breaths before the room’s noise swept us back into the atmosphere.

As the night went on, c/n and I found ourselves grabbing drinks and keeping tabs on the budding connection between B/n/1 and F/n. They seemed more comfortable with each passing minute, but before long, I realized I was feeling the effects of the evening. My gaze had drifted to the outdated popcorn ceiling, and I caught myself staring at it for what must have been minutes before c/n waved a hand in front of my face.

“You in there, y/n?” he asked, his voice tinged with concern.

I blinked a few times, trying to snap back to reality. “Never better,” I slurred, forcing a grin to mask how far gone I really was.

He stood and extended a hand toward me. “Why don’t we get you back? It’s getting late, and I’m starting to think these lovebirds might just be here forever.” He nodded toward B/n/1 and F/n, now sitting with an arm around her shoulders.

I took his hand and let him pull me to my feet, only for the room to tilt and spin. My balance faltered, and I instinctively grabbed onto his shoulders to steady myself. He caught me easily, his grip firm but gentle.

Once I steadied, we made our way out of the room, but I barely managed two steps down the staircase before stumbling forward again. C/n’s arm wrapped around my torso, catching me before I fell. Without a word, he shifted my arm across his shoulders, supporting me as we descended the stairs.

“C/n?” I murmured, my voice weak.

“Yeah, y/n?”

“I don’t think I’m gonna make it back to my dorm.”

I kept my head down, too embarrassed to meet his gaze. He paused, scanning me carefully before speaking. “Do you need a place to crash? My roommate’s gone for the weekend—you’re welcome to stay in my room.”

My brows lifted at the offer. “Are you sure? I don’t want to be a bother.”

He frowned slightly, his voice soft but firm. “Y/n, you’re never a bother to me.”

Slowly, he guided me down the final flight of stairs and into his dorm. I noticed the neatly arranged door decorations as he opened the door and led me inside, sitting me gently on his bed.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, rummaging through his desk.

I gave a faint smile. “Right now? Great. Tomorrow morning? Probably not so much.”

He chuckled at my response, pulling out a bottle of ibuprofen and filling a glass of water. Handing them to me, he said, “Here—this might help a little.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, touched by the small gesture. While I might have thought to drink some water on my own, the ibuprofen was a stroke of genius. As I sipped the water, he grabbed his own bottle and sat down across from me.

The room fell into a comfortable silence, the noise of the party far behind us.

“You don’t have to stay here with me,” I said softly. “If you want to go back to the party, I’d understand.”

He shook his head. “I’d rather be here with you.”

I turned to meet his gaze, my heart skipping at the sincerity in his voice. For a moment, I was speechless, the weight of his words hanging between us.

Before I could respond, he stood and began tidying up. He set up a blanket on the futon, flattening it out.

“What are you doing?” I asked, confused.

“You can take the bed,” he said simply. “I’ll sleep here.”

As he reached to turn off the lamp, I caught his wrist, stopping him.

“You don’t have to stay on the futon.”

“I’m not making you sleep there.”

“I know.” My voice dropped to a whisper.

His gaze darkened, studying me for a long moment before he nodded and slid under the covers beside me. We lay face-to-face, the room dim and quiet.

“What’s holding you back?” I asked softly.

He hesitated, his voice barely audible. “I want you so badly, but I don’t want to violate your trust. You’re drunk, and I—”

Before he could finish, I closed the gap between us, pressing my lips to his. His initial shock melted away as he brought a hand to my jaw, his touch gentle but firm. Our movements were slow, deliberate, and full of unspoken emotion. When I pulled back, I searched his face, my voice barely above a whisper.

“We don’t need to do anything. I just want you here with me.”

[bluelocksource]

Oliver Aiku’s trivia (source: twt & Egoist Bible 2)

"I'm the final barrier for Japanese soccer to be reborn!!"

☆ Character colors: Navy, fluorescent yellow.

☆ Weapons: Strong physical abilities, highly developed 'eyes' for spatial awareness, a 'body' skilled in dashing and jumping, and covering.

☆ Birthday: 30th June.

☆ Current age: 19.

☆ Zodiac: Cancer.

☆ Birthplace: Stockholm, Sweden.

☆ Family structure: Father (dual heritage: Swedish & German). Mother (Japanese). Older Sister. Himself, Younger Sister.

☆ Current height: 190 cm.

☆ Dominant foot: Right foot.

☆ Blood type: B.

☆ Motto: "Live according to your means."

☆ Starts playing football: At age 3.

☆ Hobbies: Mahjong, horse racing, pachinko "Not saying I bet money."

☆ Favorite food: Mouko (Mongolian) Tanmen Nakamoto's spicy ramen. "I generally like spicy foods." + Shin ramyeon (EB2).

☆ Disliked food: Corn. "Those things always gets stuck between my teeth."

☆ What goes best with rice: Squid salted with salt (ikano shio-kara). "It’d be perfect with some alcohol. Ah… wait, I’m still 19."

☆ Favorite animal: Chicks. "Watching a lot of chicks soothes me."

☆ Favorite season: Summer. "You can see swimsuits."

☆ Favorite football player: Virgil van Dijk.

☆ Favorite manga: Chi: Chikyuu no Undou ni Tsuite (Orb: On the Movements of the Earth). "Currently into it."

☆ Magazine he frequently read: Da Vinci. "I just casually flip through it, but it’s interesting."

☆ Favorite TV show: Live camera of night views. "I like watching it alone, zoning out."

☆ Favorite movie: Jurassic Park. "The first movie in the series is amazing."

☆ Favorite song: "CALL ME" by YOSHII LOVINSON.

☆ Favorite celebrity: "The comedian I'm into right now, New York." ( New York (ニューヨーク) is a Japanese comedy duo.)

☆ What makes him happy: Anything that feels good (self-censorship).

☆ What makes him upset: Painful things (self-censorship).

☆ What he thinks his strength is: Calm, rational, realistic.

☆ What he thinks his weakness is: He likes to gamble and looking for a relationship that is difficult to predict. "I like gambling and tend to seek relationships that can't be predicted."

☆ What made him cry recently: “I haven’t cried in a while.”

☆ Favorite/best subject: P.E.

☆ Weak/least favorite subject: Math. "I don't get it at all."

☆ Ideal type:  Someone who doesn't seem to be bothered by a breakup. "Someone who doesn't seem like they'd be a hassle to break up with."

☆ Number of chocolates received from previous Valentine: 13. "I'm not that fond of chocolate."

☆ At what age he experiences first love: 7 years old. "I liked every girl in my class."

☆ The first time he got confessed to: “Generally, even if someone confesses to me, I don’t date them. I prefer being the one to confess. I like the challenge of making them fall for me.”

☆ Fixation: Waist, butt, lips, eyes. "Anything er*tic works."

☆ Average sleeping time: 7 hours.

☆ How he spend his holiday: “Look for someone to hang out with (either guys or girls) and just have fun.”

☆ When taking a bath, which part he washes first: Hair roots. "Because they're smelly from sweat."

☆ What he usually buy from the convenience store: Shin Ramyeon or Mongolian Tanmen Nakamoto cup noodles.

☆ What will he do if he received 100 million yen: "Live it up. Party until I run out of money."

☆ At what age he stops receiving presents from Santa: "Probably around 10 years old."

☆ What was his last wish from Santa: New soccer cleats.

☆ What will he do during his last day on Earth: "No plan, just spend the day randomly."

☆ Favorite historical figure: Uesegi Kenshin. "The war god who lived by honor, I really like him."

☆ If he hadn’t encountered soccer, what will he be doing: “I’d be a teacher. My class would be fun. It’d be super laid-back!”

☆ If he could only take one thing to a deserted island, what would it be: Acohol. “I’ll drink it when I turn 20! I’ll drink when I turn 20, okay!”

☆ If he had a time machine, would he go to the past or the future: The future. I want to see how Japanese soccer has evolved!”

* The crossed words are the changes made from twitter’s answer to the answer from Egoist Bible.

His original tagline:

日本サッカーが生まれ変わるための 愛空(おれ) は最後の壁だ!! "Aiku is (I'm) the final barrier for Japanese soccer to be reborn!!"

Last updated: 13/11/2024

note: i want to apologize in advance for any mistake made in the translation!

[bunnydracula]

your portraits are really amazing and i find your ability to capture likeness + control of value super inspiring…do you think you can talk about your thought process and beginning stages behind your drawings?

yes yippee!!!!!!! these asks helped me remember to actually photograph some process steps which i usually.... Dont do bc im using my phone for reference images lol (my work setup is in a "transitional phase" rn....... im working in the kitchen. its fine) i downloaded one of these lestat gifs made by @fearwakes ! then first thing i've been doing recently with portraits is lifting something that works from my comics process and applying it to these pencil drawings. i love having borders. i almost invariably will draw outside them but it gives me something to build on top of/inside/around rather than floating to the edges of the page. i used to be really envious of people who could spontaneously produce "sketch pages" from blank sheets but my spatial eye just does not generate those pleasing distances automatically. i need boxes lol GOOD THING I DO COMICS!!!!!

i did not actually measure this box or even make sure it's straight bc i'm just turning my brain off and doing a portrait. ok step one of capturing a likeness is just eyeballing distances for facial features. like i mentioned before with spatial reasoning it's a weak point for me as an artist so i do not give myself a hard time if i cannot immediately correctly guess the distance between a subject's chin and hairline. i start with shorter distances -- chin to mouth, mouth to under-nose-shadow, then often fill in either cheek before i take a shot at laying the eyes in relation to the nose. i'm always thinking of my pencil portraits as a kind of heatmap for dark/light values, so i'm laying down the scaffolding that's going to allow me to emphasize where all those shapes ultimately bleed together as a 3D object.

there is always a stage (left drawing) where i'm kind of peripherally going oh my god. oh my god i lost it. i can't draw faces anymore. this looks like fucking garbage. oh my god. i need to kill myself. and i think it's partly just being a human person like the demons never completely shut up for anyone as far as i know LOL. but it's also sometimes coming from thinking i'm supposed to be simplifying the shapes. like if i took those guesstimates on lestat's proportions on the left and just went right to representing his features with solid black ink on top of these guidelines, it's true, he wouldn't really look like lestat even if the proportions are alright. it's important for me to remember that my sketches look very different depending on my medium and priority; if i was ONLY representing lestat in exaggerated shapes, lol, i might actually..... exaggerate those shapes. this is a sketch that is gonna work best as the preliminary stage for a fully rendered pencil drawing, not a line drawing. i just don't think drawing a subject precisely how he actually looks is gonna get you the best results for cartooning and striking that balance is a whole other thought. but for straight portraiture with an eye for value like this, it's perfectly fucking fine, cuz the thing that's gonna make him Look Like Lestat is actually how light connects over this 3D object.

like ok i no longer want to kill myself. i have successfully guessed the distances between his features "well enough" and tricked the eye into seeing something Lestat Shaped because enough of those shadows connect in ways they 1) do in this particular reference image and 2) just Do on his face in general from my broader observations of this face. this particular portrait is building on all my previous understandings of how sam reid's face is put together. so i'm able to correct a lot of the assumptions i made before i drew him enough times to start figuring him out. like Ok, his forehead is always taller than i think it is and his nose is broader (esp his nostrils). the lack of buccal fat is essential but he can also start looking too gaunt if his jaw is not wide enough. his mouth is made up of so many complex and delicate shapes and is imo his most prominent feature lol i never quite feel like i've fully captured it and idk if i ever will bc the thing that makes it so lestat is the way it actually moves. and just from Character Knowledge i'm always inclined to emphasize how heavy lestat's under-eyes are, i feel like that's an essential emotional component of his expression. sooooo i am satisfied enough with this sketch lol. this took around 45 minutes which is longer than some of my portraits of similar detail-level bc i was distracted by on-and-off sexting. many such cases. more thoughts re: pencil on paper. the next bump up from this has gotta be going BACK IN with white oil paints which i just do not care enough about this drawing to do. but when i'm working with pencil i really know the only highlights im gonna be able to bring out are the ones with much darker areas surrounding them, and the bits i miraculously do not smudge by total accident (i'm a serial smudger. fat hand. someone's gotta be endeared to this). anyway i fucking love white oils. they are everything i previously wanted out of, like, white-out and white jelly roll pens lol. it can do so much and when you're working with paint you simply have so much of it. paint rocks. like in this portrait there are a bunch of blond flyaway hairs that i simply cannot capture at this distance by carving out "blank space" either bc i do not have the skill or space to make the strands not look wildly overblown. but if i wanted to go in with paint, i'd darken up the background and just delicately go over strands until they glowed. portraiture like this is a very meditative process to me lol. i'm just falling into an image i feel is representative of something abt a face i like looking at. simple as. i do not have a concrete strategy for where my pencil goes next most of the time when i'm just feeling out shadows and translating them into pencil pressure. i know i don't wanna do the VERY darkest areas first just bc that makes the portrait pretty inflexible if i lay something down wrong (happens often) or the aforementioned smudging problem.

anyway i should probably scan this lestat but like i said i'm working in my kitchen and im disabled and do not want to walk upstairs LOL. imagine this example portrait looks good and not bad. very good

[antlered-lycanthrope]

TMJ vent - tw talk of non-intentional starvation, malnutrition, death, and insurance denials

I think the way I end up dying will be from malnutrition tbh.

My damned mouth doesn’t work anymore. I can’t eat. It hurts so bad. My left jaw joint is dislocated, my right jaw joint always hurts from compensating so much but now it’s starting to go too. All four of my wisdom teeth are impacted, insurance refuses to pay, and I am disabled & unemployed with $30 to my name. My wisdom teeth are making my other teeth unaligned, making my TMJ even worse. My mouth hurts so bad that it hurts my head & neck. My left TMJ is so dislocated it puts pressure on my left ear, and now I’m having trouble hearing in that ear from all the pressure and pain in my ear. And ofc ear pressure and sudden hearing loss makes people disoriented and dizzy, so that adds onto my existing dizziness and bad spatial awareness. So I’m falling more often now. Im absolutely covered in bruises and I hit my head on things several times a day, i literally cannot tell where my body is in the world bc there’s uneven pressure in my head.

So… all of that constant teeth, jaw, head, and ear pain plus the fact that when I open my mouth bc of the dislocation it’s bone scraping on bone… means I can’t eat anymore. I’m eating less than the amount of food a person my size would eat in one sitting in my entire day. Every day. I’m always hungry now. It makes my stomach hurt, it makes my head hurt, it makes me more dizzy, it adds to my pre existing anemia, it makes me even more malnourished.

I have to take breaks to cry while I’m eating. It hurts that bad. I think I might actually end up dying if this goes on for yet another year. I now look sick. I’m pale now (my natural skintone is the “olive” Mediterranean skin), I have dark bags under my eyes, i bruise so easily, I’m cold all the time, I’ve lost 1/3 of my body weight in just a year and I do not exercise at all - I mostly stay in bed all day bc I’m too tired to move, the only exercise I get is PT. I’m exhausted and malnourished. My body in failing me in a dozen different ways. I’m deficient in iron, magnesium, potassium, calcium, sodium, and vitamin D - there may be more that’s just what I remember.

I’m passing out so often. I’m apparently having seizures again. I haven’t had a migraine-free day in months. My heart races with the tiniest movements. Im shaking and shivering all the time. I’m so cold even if im sweating. I’m thirsty no matter how much water i drink. My vision is almost always blurry and/or spinning. My blood pressure is so low that if I put my hand over my head for less than a minute it loses its color and I lose all feeling in it. My feet get swollen & purple and the veins in my feet like they could pop when I stand up bc my body is too weak for my heart to pump my blood enough so it ends up just pooling in my legs & feet.

IM TIRED. IM HUNGRY. IM COLD. I NEED MY FUCKING TEETH REMOVED.

I can’t do any treatment for my TMJ until my wisdom teeth are removed, but fucking Medicaid refuses to pay for it bc it’s “not necessary” FUCK YOU IT IS NECESSARY I CANT EAT ANYMORE IVE LOST FIFTY FUCKING LBS JUST LAYING IN BED ALL DAY EVERY DAY

[aleksanderscult]

Who do you think would win in a fist fight between Mal, the darkling and Nikolai? Like literally just straight punches no magic or guns , just pure fury

The first thing that came to my mind was Mal. And y'know for the obvious reasons. His martial abilities keep getting mentioned in every book and he's strong.

But when you think this through you can't eliminate Aleksander from the competition. He definitely has experience in fighting and I imagine him and Nikolai using their minds to get the upper hand. It's not just brute force for them. It's also about spatial awareness and looking for weak spots.

Aleksander: has centuries of experience and a cunning mind that he can use

Nikolai: he's a dirty fighter, smart and I remember when Leigh said that he's willing to use anything to win.

Mal: has experience from beating a persecuted group. He's clever but that's because the narrative dumbs down his opponents. And that's not fair from the author.

Besides, I really believe that Mal's skills are exaggerated. (Homeboy fought only rookies and the narrative made him known as the Rock for it.)

[beanghostprincess]

I saw the strawhats chronic pain asks and had a moment of CROSS GUILD CHRONIC PAIN-

Crocodile is an amputee. Like. Canonically. Phantom pains.

Mihawk has HELLA light sensitivity vibes ((I Gift him,,,,, my migraines))

And Buggy? Oh my favorite little punching bag, I bet the spatial awareness necessary for his DF must he OFF THE CHARTS, not to mention bomb making, harmful chemicals, etc, I feel it in my bones that he has an autoimmune disorder of some kind and also migraines bc the highest flattery I can give is projection.

Ignore this if you wanna, t'was just a Thought, love your blog, Bean!!!!!! ♡♡♡♡♡♡

YAY CROSS GUILD ASK I AM IN SUCH A CROSS GUILD MOOD LATELY YESYESYESYES!!!!!!!! And I'm making this romantic because if I don't make cross guild gay I might die. Thank you.

Okay, so what I'm hearing here is that they keep their lights real low on their shared tent, and whenever they have meetings: At the start of their business relationship, they're still learning how to get used to being together. Buggy is used to stage lights but only for a while and he doesn't want these two to know another weak spot of him (also the pain around his whole body is killing him sometimes), so he tries to deal with the migraines and being uncomfortable because he knows that complaining will only lead to these two using him as a punching bag. But lucky for him, Mihawk does mention one day that he hates brightness (because edgy vampire can't say 'my head fucking hurts' like a functional human) and so he says something about candles. Buggy is afraid they might set the tent on fire but he prefers this over the headaches. Crocodile doesn't give a fuck about this, honestly. Then, they start growing closer and y'know, I'll just skip to them dating- They're dating. They share a tent there at Karai Bari. And now it's something to do instinctively? Like they just keep the lights low or light up some candles and they just live like that. Whenever they're on a ship they do this too.

Following what I just said, they're affectionate but like, in a weird way. Because, y'know, look at them. Buggy ends up crying and complaining about his headaches and also when his body won't stop hurting. He's a drama queen, of course, a diva. He lives flashily. Cries flashily, too. He always curls up beside Crocodile so the big big comfy man can provide him some comfort and warmth and pats on the head or something. Crocodile just runs his hook through his hair softly and lets him be annoying for a while until he falls asleep on top of him. If he has to do something he just??? Won't do it??? He's a pirate but he isn't a fucking monster. One day Mihawk catches them and they share that look of understanding that only cat owners understand, because God (Nika is the only one I believe in, something something amen) is watching and if you dare to move when a cat's in your lap, you go instantly to hell. On the other hand, when Buggy cries and Mihawk is the one around, he gives him some painkillers and turns off the lights completely to then read Buggy one of his books. He does this without saying a word and the first time this weird, silent sign of affection happens, Buggy is speechless. And also, yes, Mihawk can read in the dark perfectly well because he's a cat. He sees in the dark. I even think Buggy can see his gold eyes staring at him. They're like the headlights of a car. Oh, and Mihawk deals with his migraines in perfect silence but when it's a bad day he gets into a very irritable and irascible mood. Most people would be complaining about it but at least this way he's more talkative? Somehow? He's a bitch to Buggy for a while and then they just talk shit about other people together while Crocodile makes a comment like "If you're well enough to complain, you're well enough to continue worki-" and it's, like, the and only time Buggy instinctively throws a pillow at him to shut him up. Never again, though. Scary mafioso-looking boyfriend.

Now that we're talking about Crocodile, the phantom pains: They stress the fuck out of him. They're painful and uncomfortable and he wants to strangle somebody. On a good day, that somebody isn't Buggy. And on a bad day, Buggy really tries to be the sweetest fucking thing on earth by making everything comfortable for him and disappearing right away. Maybe he starts an argument with Mihawk for something stupid but they make up later, it's fine. But, you know what? Sometimes he needs comfort and somebody to distract him too, so one day (when Buggy is about to disappear for hours so he doesn't end up suffering the consequences of staying too long with him) he tells Buggy to stay. The clown is frightened, but he does what he's told and- And it's surprisingly sweet? Crocodile just tells him to talk to him. Explain something. Anything. Complain about the fucking weather or tell a joke. Anything. And Buggy is genuinely surprised but ends up either talking shit about people or telling him anecdotes or just reading him the paper. And Crocodile seems to like it??? A surprise for both, really, but the man actually likes having the clown around because it is working really well as a distraction and when Buggy is not being annoying Crocodile realizes why he loves him. He loves him when he's annoying too, though, he bullies him out of love. Sometimes he just tells Buggy to come sit on his lap and stay there and Crocodile is still in pain but somehow being with the clown makes him feel better. Mihawk tries to be comforting on these days too but it's more of a "you ought to rest, otherwise you'll be irritable all afternoon and you cannot keep frightening the subordinates" type of silent care than anything.

Also, I want to add Crocodile almost murdering a man one day because they were doing business with him on his ship and he had a lot of lights on (when he was asked not to) and both Mihawk and Buggy were visibly uncomfortable the second they entered the room. I love protective Crocodile. He looks like he'd just murder men without any remorse for talking shit about the other two. I like it.

[dorianbrightmusic]

Dyspraxia Things I Haven't Seen Discussed Often Enough

n.b. i don't have orofacial dyspraxia or verbal dyspraxia, so this post certainly doesn't reflect those experiences, which are seldom discussed or understood. nor can i speak for all motor dyspraxics; as such, please read beyond this little post, as this is just a sample or generalisations based on my own experience

'dyspraxia is a disorder of coordination'; yes, and also so much more.

-your visualisation skills may or may not be good, but your spatialisation is comparatively weak. you may or may not be able to see the cube in your head, but rotating it? nope.

-the same room looks like two separate places depending on which way you're facing. you might know how to navigate in one orientation, since you've been there before, but flip it around, and it's a new, confusing place.

-getting lost in your own home town because of the whole spatial orientation thing? not fun. again, the same street is four different places in four different blueprints depending where you came from. one wrong turn, and you're on a whole new map entirely.

-'where am i in space'

-'what do you mean, my shoe's on the chair. i can't freaking feel my shoe on the chair. what do you mean—' *looks* 'ohhh'

-balance? who's she?

-dyspraxia doesn't always mean hypotonia, but they go together very, very often. whether due to low tone or just coordination stuff, we don't tend to have very useful muscles.

-you lean on desks, on tables. anything to help support your core

-hand-eye coordination means that your hands don't work unless you're looking

-your eyes also just. don't work. any object that moves fast immediately blurs, and any object that moves at any speed, however slow, too close to your face, is blurry. the ball stops being visible by the time it's close enough to catch. dyspraxia tends to go with weak muscles, and the little ciliary muscles in your eyes are not exempt from this. as such, not only do you not have the coordination to catch a ball, but you probably can't see it in time to catch it, either.

-muscle pain. so much muscle pain. since your muscles are working so hard to do the same things most people can do without thinking, they get tense. they have to overcompensate without getting any break, and as such, static loading happens fast. dyspraxia is having random shooting muscle pains and tenderness everywhere, and just being achey all the time.

-also. the muscle weakness, again, will not spare you a single minute. for those with vulvas, it takes ages to pee simply because your pelvic floor is not going to collaborate with your other bits down there, and all the other muscles down there are just a bit wimpy. ever feel like you've never quite got an empty bladder? yeah. again, your muscles aren't making it easy for you

-digestive issues, since muscle problems also don't spare your colon.

-if you can tie shoelaces and use cutlery, it probably took you a long time to learn how

-Doc Martens take you a tenth of an hour to do up

-you almost certainly have tried to overcompensate for your clumsiness, and almost certainly have tried to overcompensate for taking 10 minutes to get dressed, or for an incident where you felt ashamed of how you wielded a knife and fork. and these memories will never quite leave

-inevitably, a little bit of your dinner is going to escape to the table before it makes it all the way from your plate to your mouth

-someone has almost certainly made fun of you for these traits, and it wasn't comfortable

[brynnterpretations]

see youve been doing a lotta theboys ship reqs recently HUGE kudos to u got damn, and i love how u write them sm !! hope u dont mind one more ^^ (fine w p much anyone except homelander or deep)

im an anxiety-ridden autistic bi british tguy with a pretty hefty male lean, 5'6"-ish, long hair thats shaved on one side , lotsa face piercings , pretty hairy , scruffy jaw , got a "would be a bear if i hit the gym more often" kinda build . i wear shades 24/7 bc i hate eye contact and bright lights . i generally dont bother picking out an outfit but when i do i lean towards a kinda 50s greaser vibe even tho i dont have a bike or anything

im a recluse and not particularly social , i end most conversations quickly but politely tho i dont let myself get walked over . i do like going for walks , particularly walking my cat , or otherwise hauling something around , its a good workout , but most of the time im indoors and just drawing/animating (what im attending uni for) or playing games . i prefer talking online to in person cause of low social battery , even for family n close friends .

im insecure but otherwise i think j have pretty good self-esteem , and tho im not diagnosed im like 95% sure ive got covert narcissism , i see most people as below me in some way but i dont express this obviously . a lack of attention , particularly online , is distressing and upsetting , and i get defensive very easy . i THRIVE on the feeling of caring for or protecting someone both bc it feeds this and is the only time i can power through my social anxiety .

uhhh cat lover , marine life lover , would spend the rest of my life in an aquarium , would rather be a shark than a human , dont like getting dressed if i dont have to , nail biter , dragon fanatic , would probably be a supe given the chance

hope thats not too much , and thank you !

Thank you so much for the kind words! I hope you like this. ♡

I ship you with...

Frenchie ♡

Boyfriend

GIF Source: @samuelroukin ★ (link)

You and Frenchie meet while you're walking your cat. Frenchie is a huge cat guy (I will die on this hill), and though he hasn't had any of his own since his early twenties, he still makes it his mission to interact with them as much as he can. Cat on the street? Gets pet. Cat in those windows of veterinary offices that you can walk into if you don't seem too shady? Gets pet. Cat in a house the coup is raiding? Gets pet, and moved to a safer location.

So, when he sees your cat being walked, the dude has to go over. Plus, not gonna lie, even in NYC, it's pretty uncommon to see cats being walked, especially down the street that the boys' hideout is located on.

He uses small talk to warm up the awkwardness that comes with a random French man coming up on the street to pet your cat, and eventually asks if you'd ever want to go on a walk sometime. While he initially had his eyes set on your cat, when the guy looked up at you, he immediately saw that you're really, really cute. He has a weakness for facial piercings and for general "scruffiness", so add that on to the cat and the general reservedness? Bro's set.

Through that, you start hanging out a lot and getting to know each other. Frenchie's not a texting person, so you two tend to call a lot, and have a lot of cute but low-key dates, like cooking meals for you at his apartment and playing video games.

And, on that note: Frenchie absolutely sucks at video games, but he has fun playing them with you. While Frenchie is very spatially aware in real life, he is not in online games — bro would get absolutely flamed in any CoD lobby — but would have a blast going through your video game of choice by your side.

You would have to help him with the controls... a lot... but it would be worth it.

Frenchie doesn't really believe in "rushing in" or "waiting too long"; he just makes it official once he feels like it's right. After 2 – 3 months with you, he'd ask if you'd like to be together upfront.

And, once you are: you two would be very, very happy together.

Frenchie's a very intuitive person, and while he wouldn't make any assumptions considering your diagnoses/suspected conditions (he's not about that life), he would catch on to your need for attention and care.

Since he's not really a texter, he'd either call you or send you voice notes to say good morning, good night, tell you about something that reminded him of you, etc.

Is your #1 fan concerning your art, and is endlessly in awe of what you do. He would constantly show your work off to the coup, and would definitely commission you for artwork when your schoolwork slowed down (no, he won't accept free shit, he will commission you, point-blank).

Considering Frenchie's been through a lot, you being a caring person and a "protector" would do wonders for the relationship. While Frenchie's a protective guy himself, the dude wants some time to slow down and be taken care of, and would love anything you did for him and reciprocate it completely.

Is a huge physical touch guy, and as long as you were fine with it, would always have an arm around you, his hand in yours, etc.

Also would definitely love to be the little spoon with you, especially because you're very close in height (he's about 5'8).

Is a big gift-giver, and would always purchase anything he saw that reminded him of you, whether it's a shark stuffed animal, or one of those seashell necklaces that street vendors sell.

Also, he's a bit freaked out about marine life — the vastness of the ocean really, really freaks him out, partially because of a near-drowning accident he had as a kid — but would always go to aquariums with you and try to find aquatic spaces to do stuff.

He would do the ocean, but as much as he loves you, he's probably gonna try limiting that to special occasions.

Would 100% spoil your cat, and if you were up for it, adopt one for you two to co-parent.

Also doesn't have many reservations about moving in "early" — again, timestamps aren't really too important to him — and would especially encourage it if it helped any student finances.

On that note, the guy cannot do structured and organized learning, so he would always brag about your postsecondary education and do everything to encourage you, whether it's bringing you your favorite snacks while working on end-of-the-year projects or rubbing your hands and back after finishing an art piece.

He wouldn't hide his work with the Boys from you, and honestly, would encourage you to get involved, particularly through artwork — anti-Supe propaganda, especially aesthetic pleasing ones, have been lacking nowadays. He'd be open about his work and introduce you to the boys before you became official.

And that brings us to...

The Boys ☻

Friends

GIF Source: @yocalio ★ (link)

So, it's corny... but you and Butcher definitely both bond over both being British/from the U.K. You're one of very few people who were able to immediately understand both his accident and what he was referring to in British slang upon first meeting.

Plus, the guy likes you, even if he doesn't talk to you much. He respects reserved types a lot, and appreciates you leveling out Frenchie's chaos instead of blowing it up (...most of the time).

He wouldn't make an effort to get super close to you — let's be real, he's got a lot of shit to deal with — but would probably invite you out for drinks every once in a while.

A dealbreaker for Frenchie is whether you get along with Kimiko, and fortunately, you two do. While you're not extremely close — you're both pretty introverted, and Kimiko never wants to feel like she's prying — Kimiko really, really likes you, especially when she sees you drawing. She's quite the artist herself, and is fascinated by not only your amazing work, but by the fact you're going to college for it.

Whenever you stop by the hideout, she wouldn't communicate with you much, instead opting to just enjoy your company in silence.

And, if you bring art supplies, she would be so down to parallel-play with you and her drawing side-by-side. While she's not academically trained, she is extremely good at drawing landscapes, and would be very intrigued by your art, as mentioned.

Also would draw you as a present, which would be very cute, even if not fully anatomically correct.

M.M. would like you a lot — he vibes with the shades the first time he sees you — and I feel like you two would be the closest out of the coup. While him encouraging you to would be a bit... annoying... the guy really enjoys your company, and would bond over your shared love of cats.

Would also ask you a lot of questions about cats, because his cat is getting a bit too pudgy and might need to take some strolls downtown.

While you'd be close, he wouldn't ask to hang out with you too much outside of the coup, instead having most of your fun during late nights, considering he's so busy; he'd probably order a pizza for you, Frenchie, and Kimiko and talk with you, and play video games on the very rusty-crusty-dusty XBox that they got to placate Hughie.

Also: he's killer at FPS games, and if you play one with him, y'all will immediately become best friends.

Hughie, Annie, and you wouldn't be super close, but you wouldn't be on bad terms either.

Hughie, quite honestly, would be intimidated; as a ball of social anxiety who tends to seek out more talkative types (E.G. Robin and Annie), he tends to overthink with more quiet people who are less easy to read, and your shades can make it pretty hard for him.

However, your art would definitely lead him to talk to you more (albeitly awkwardly and only in passing), and, if you or Frenchie mention that you play video games... he would try engaging in a yap session with you.

Yes, yes, it's not a stereotypical, "cool guy" game, but Hughie is a huge fan of Minecraft — he's an excellent architect and has actually made tons of custom maps for people to download — so if you play either (or you don't give him a hard time about it), he'd open up to you a lot more.

As for Annie, she just... can't really get a vibe on you. She thinks you're a pleasant person and respects you (she has a lot of admiration for people who go into the arts), but she's someone who believes to be able to "vibe-check" people pretty easily, and because she can't on you, doesn't really know where to go from there.

She wouldn't want to pry, so she wouldn't push you to open up yourself, but if she got more glimmers of you — whether it's through overseeing you and Kimiko drawing, or catching you and M.M. playing on the XBox — she'd spark up a lot more conversations with you.

[s0nia246]

My new visitor oc, Aster Delmare

Name: Aster Delmare

Age: 17

Gender: Genderfluid (they/she/he)

Personality: Aster is quiet but observant, a dreamer with a heavy heart. They often feel out of place in the waking world—misunderstood, isolated, and emotionally closed off. However, within dreams, they become more expressive and brave, revealing a deeply curious and kind soul. Aster has a habit of trying to fix broken things, whether it's people, places, or themselves.

Aster is empathetic, patient, and intuitive. They speak softly and listen intensely. Their presence brings calm—but their dreams reveal inner storms: fear of abandonment, a longing for connection, and a quiet, burning sense of injustice.

Dream Power: “Astral Projection” – Aster can create temporary illusions of themselves in various locations of the Night Dimension. These illusions can observe, distract, or phase through mirrors—making Aster uniquely able to interact with Selph even when others cannot.

Their power resonates with reflection and duality—mirroring Selph’s mirror-traveling abilities, allowing them to bridge the gap between the reflective world and reality.

Backstory in the Waking World: Aster struggles with disconnection—from family, from friends, and from their own identity. They feel like a burden, too strange or too emotional for the world around them. Art and stargazing are their only comforts. They often dream about mirrors, stars, and someone watching from behind the glass.

When they fall into the Night Dimension, it’s during a low point in their life—a moment of emotional collapse. But instead of meeting NiGHTS first, Aster stumbles into the Mirror Labyrinth and finds themselves face to face with Selph.

Relationship with Selph: Aster is unafraid of Selph’s towering, intimidating presence. They recognize the emptiness in their eyes—the same emptiness they’ve seen in the mirror. Selph, who is used to fear and silence, is surprised by Aster’s calm empathy.

Selph initially sees Aster as weak and naïve. But Aster’s persistence, vulnerability, and quiet courage chip away at Selph’s defenses. Through Aster, Selph begins to understand emotion, choice, and the concept of being more than a tool.

Meanwhile, Selph becomes Aster’s protector in the dream world—guiding them through mental trials and helping them confront their own emotional wounds. Aster slowly teaches Selph how to feel, and Selph helps Aster realize they are not broken—they're simply healing.

When Aster and NiGHTS face Selph in the Mirror Labyrinth, Selph hesitates. Aster steps forward, not to fight, but to offer their trust—and Selph, for the first time, chooses not to obey Wiseman. They give Aster their power willingly, whispering:

“You are the first reflection Selph did not fear.”

Likes:

1. Stars & constellations: Finds comfort in the night sky and often stargazes to clear their mind.

2. Quiet spaces: Especially libraries, forests, or places with echoing silence.

3. Abstract art: Drawn to things with deeper, hidden meanings.

4. Mirrors: Once feared them; now uses them as a way to feel close to Selph.

5. Soft music: Anything atmospheric, ambient, or instrumental.

Dislikes:

1. Being underestimated: Especially due to their quiet or empathetic nature.

2. Loud, chaotic environments: Overstimulating and anxiety-inducing.

3. People who interrupt personal growth: Despises those who mock or sabotage progress.

4. Feeling powerless: Triggers deep insecurities about not belonging.

5. Wizeman – Representing control, suppression, and manipulation—everything Aster wants to overcome.

Character Quirks:

1. Talks to themself when nervous—especially when walking through unfamiliar mirrors.

2. Doodles constellations or geometric shapes in the air with their finger when thinking.

3. Wears mismatched socks or accessories deliberately—says it “balances the vibe.”

4. Has a strong sense of spatial memory—remembers rooms and mirror paths like a mental map.

5. Gives names to inanimate objects or reflections as a way to emotionally anchor themself.

Positive Character Quirks:

1. Emotionally intuitive—can read moods in silence.

2. Keeps a dream journal that helps uncover hidden truths about the Night Dimension.

3. Offers words of encouragement even in tense moments—especially to Selph.

4. Reflects on past mistakes openly and learns from them.

5. Has a calming presence that eases tension in most environments.

Negative Character Quirks:

1. Self-sacrificing to a fault—puts others' safety above their own.

2. Struggles with indecision when emotionally overwhelmed.

3. Holds grudges quietly—bottles up resentment rather than confronting it.

4. Over-romanticizes people who show them kindness.

5. Tends to retreat emotionally when they feel they're a burden.

Headcanons:

1. Aster originally had recurring nightmares that stopped once they met Selph.

2. Their connection with Selph gives them the ability to see through illusions in the Night Dimension.

3. They keep a necklace with a tiny broken mirror shard that faintly glows when Selph is near.

4. Aster’s presence disrupts Wizeman’s ability to fully manipulate reflections.

5. Their favorite color changes based on who they're close to—currently, it’s a silver-red gradient.

6. They develop the ability to reflect minor attacks back using mirrored surfaces.

7. Their bond with Selph slowly makes them part-nightmaren in soul—neither fully human nor nightmaren.

8. When they laugh, it causes ripples in nearby reflective surfaces.

9. Aster and NiGHTS get along well, with Aster acting like a grounding presence for them.

10. They’re the only visitor who’s ever made Selph hesitate during battle—out of emotional conflict, not strength.

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Basic (McTiernan, 2003)

Gave this a rewatch before it left Tubi. This is nobody’s favourite John McTiernan film, except for one guy in my forum days I vaguely remember putting this at the top of their list, and yeah man, glad your list is upside down. But I do think there’s something to McTiernan consciously applying his action movie style to this Rashomon-inspired military thriller. Much of the movie is in torrential rain and desaturated colours, and his usual spatial clarity is replaced with deliberate incoherence, casting into relief the inconsistencies between the different stories. And McTiernan’s disdain for macho military types colours this all with additional suspicion.

In that respect, Samuel L. Jackson is perfectly cast as the hardass officer who may have been fragged. He has so forceful and consistent a screen presence that it trains you to look for all the little changes around him, like one of those puzzles where you have to pick out the differences between two pictures. But really I’m here for John Travolta bringing his scenery chewing swagger to the role of army investigator or whatever, an off the books version of the same Denzel Washington had in Courage Under Fire. I can only hope that Travolta is assigned to my case should I be accused of friendly fire. I don’t know if he’d clear me, but at least we would have a lot of fun in the process. Connie Nielsen as the official investigator or whatever is probably the weak point. She’s fine, but I can’t help but think of what Rene Russo, another McTiernan lead, might have done with the role. I could see her pulling off the off kilter sexual tension between her and Travolta’s character that Nielsen doesn’t.

I’m not going to defend the screenplay as piece of tight thrillering, but all the conscious acting and storytelling that it contains makes this somewhat fitting as a final film for McTiernan, the goofy closing reveal serving as a curtain call and bow from the players.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Sallie Baxendale

Published: Feb 12, 2024

What happens during puberty? And what happens if we try to stop it? It’s one of the most fraught questions of our time. Given its significance and the vulnerability of the people it involves, you might be surprised to learn that there have been more studies assessing the impact of puberty blockers on cognitive function in animals than humans. Of the 16 studies that have specifically examined the impact of puberty blockers on cognitive function, 11 have been conducted in animals. And most found some detrimental impact on cognitive function when the researchers gave these drugs to mice, sheep or monkeys.

The sheep studies were particularly interesting as they used twin lambs, administering the puberty blockers to only one in the pair. More than one year after stopping the medication, the sheep who had taken the puberty blockers had still not “caught up” with their untreated siblings in their ability to complete a test of spatial memory. It can, however, be fairly argued that we can only extrapolate so much from the abilities of sheep to remember the way through a maze of hay bales. It is really the studies in humans that are of most interest to those considering prescribing or taking these drugs.

Yet such studies are hard to come by. There are only five that have looked at the impact of puberty blockers on cognitive function in children, and only three of these have looked at these effects in adolescents given the medication for gender dysphoria. In one of these studies, the researchers didn’t measure how well the children were doing before they administered the drugs, so it is difficult to know whether the subsequent difficulties they had on a strategy task could be attributed to the medication. A second study established an excellent baseline, and the researchers employed a gold-standard measure to test the cognitive abilities of the children in the programme before they started the puberty blockers.

Unfortunately, they didn’t re-administer these tests to assess the impact of the medication, but chose instead to report how many of a subset of these children completed a vocational education and how many completed a higher vocational education years later. No outcomes at all were reported on 40% of the children who started out in the study. The final study, however, was beautifully designed: the researchers assessed IQ prior to the administration of puberty blockers and regularly monitored the impact of the treatment over 28 months on a comprehensive battery of cognitive tasks. The results were concerning and suggested an overall drop in IQ of 10 points which extended to 15 points in verbal comprehension. But regrettably, this was a single case study, and while alarming, the conclusions we can draw from one person’s experience are limited.

Last year, I wrote a paper to summarise the results of these studies. The paper explained in relatively simple terms why we might think that blocking puberty in young people could impact their cognitive development. In a nutshell: puberty doesn’t just trigger the development of secondary sex characteristics; it is a really important time in the development of brain function and structure. My review of the medical literature highlighted that while there is a fairly solid scientific basis to suspect that any process that interrupts puberty will have an impact on brain development, nobody has really bothered to look at this properly in children with gender dysphoria.

I didn’t call for puberty blockers to be banned. Most medical treatments have some side effects and the choice of whether to take them depends on a careful analysis of the risk/benefit ratio for each patient. My paper didn’t conduct this kind of analysis, although others have and have judged the evidence to be so weak that these treatments can only be viewed as experimental. My summary merely provided one piece of the jigsaw. I concluded my manuscript with a list of outstanding questions and called for further research to answer these questions, as every review of the medical literature in any field always does.

As a scientific paper, it was not ground-breaking — reviews rarely are. But by summarising the research so far, I thought it would serve as a convenient resource for the numerous authorities currently examining the efficacy of these treatments. It also provided key information for parents and children currently considering medical options. Every patient needs to be aware of what doctors do and do not know about any elective treatment if they are going to make an informed decision about going ahead. Doctors have a duty of candour to provide this.

I was surprised at just how little, and how low quality, the evidence was in this field. I was also concerned that clinicians working in gender medicine continue to describe the impacts of puberty blockers as “completely physically reversible”, when it is clear that we just don’t know whether this is the case, at least with respect to the cognitive impact. But these were not the only troubling aspects of this project. The progress of this paper towards publication has been extraordinary, and unique in my three-decades-long experience of academic publishing.

The paper has now been accepted for publication in a well-respected, peer-reviewed journal. However, prior to this, the manuscript was submitted to three academic journals, all of whom rejected it. “Academic has paper rejected from journal” is not headline news. I have published many academic papers and have also served on the editorial boards of a number of high impact scientific journals. I have both delivered and received rejections. In high-quality journals, many more papers are rejected than accepted. The reasons for rejection are usually a variation on the themes that the paper isn’t telling us anything new or that the data is weak and doesn’t support the conclusions that the authors are trying to draw. In a paper that is reviewing other studies, reasons for rejection typically include criticisms of the ways the authors have looked for or selected the studies they have included in their review, with the implication that they may have missed a big chunk of evidence. Sometimes the subject of the review is too wide, too narrow or too niche to be of value to the wider readership.

While imperfect, anonymous peer review remains the foundation of scientific publishing. Theoretically, the anonymity releases reviewers from any inhibitions they may have in telling their esteemed colleagues that, on this occasion, they appear to have produced a pile of pants. When it works well, authors and editors receive a coherent critique of the submitted manuscript, with reviewers independently highlighting — and ideally converging — on the strengths and weaknesses of the paper. If done sloppily, or if the reviewers have been poorly selected, the author may be presented with a commentary on their work that is riddled with misunderstandings and inaccuracies. Requests for information already provided are common, as are suggestions that the author include reference to the anonymous reviewer’s own body of work, however tangential to the matter in hand. I have been on the receiving end of both the best and worst of these practices over the course of my career. However, I have never encountered the kinds of concerns that some of the reviewers expressed in response to my review of puberty blockers. In this case, it wasn’t the methods they objected to, it was the actual findings.

None of the reviewers identified any studies that I had missed that demonstrated safe and reversible impacts of puberty blockers on cognitive development, or presented any evidence contrary to my conclusions that the work just hasn’t been done. However, one suggested the evidence may be out there, it just hadn’t been published. They suggested that I trawl through non-peer reviewed conference presentations to look for unpublished studies that might tell a more positive story. The reviewer appeared to be under the naïve apprehension that studies proving that puberty blockers were safe and effective would have difficulty being published. The very low quality of studies in this field, and the positive spin on any results reported by gender clinicians suggest that this is unlikely to be the case.

Another reviewer expressed concerns that publishing the conclusions from these studies risked stigmatising an already stigmatised group. A third suggested that I should focus on the positive things that puberty blockers could do, while a fourth suggested there was no point in publishing a review when there wasn’t enough literature to review. Another sought to diminish an entire field of neuroscience that has established puberty as a critical period of brain development as “my view”.

In a rather telling response, one of the reviewers used religious language to criticise the paper. They argued that the sex-based terms I had employed to describe the children in the studies — natal sex, male-to-female, female-to-male — indicated a pre-existing scepticism about the use of blockers. They suggested that the very presence of these terms would cause people who prescribe these medications to “outright dismiss the article”, and went on to say that by using these terms the paper was “preaching to the choir” and would do a “poor job of attracting new members to the fold”. However, the most astonishing response I received was from a reviewer who was concerned that I appeared to be approaching the topic from a “bias” of heavy caution. This reviewer argued that lots of things needed to be sorted out before a clear case for the “riskiness” of puberty blockers could be made, even circumstantially. Indeed, they appeared to be advocating for a default position of assuming medical treatments are safe, until proven otherwise.

Yet “safe and fully reversible” can never be the default position for any medical intervention, never mind a treatment that is now deemed experimental by authorities in Europe and the UK. Extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence, and the only extraordinary evidence here is the gaping chasm of knowledge, or even apparent curiosity, of the clinicians who continue to chant “safe and completely reversible” as they prescribe these medications to the children in their care. It is not the job of a scientific paper to “bring people into the fold”; it is the job of clinicians to understand the evidence base of the treatments they offer and communicate this to the patients they are treating.

I sincerely hope that any arrest in brain development associated with puberty blockers is recoverable for young trans and gender diverse people, who are already facing significant challenges in their lives. I would welcome any research that indicates that this is the case, not least for the significant insights that would present to our current understanding of puberty as a critical window of neurodevelopment in adolescence. Puberty blockers almost invariably set young people on a course of lifetime medicalisation with high personal, physical and social costs. At present we cannot guarantee that cognitive costs are not added to this burden. Any clinician claiming their treatments are “safe and reversible” without evidence to back it up is failing in their fundamental duty of candour to their patients. Such an approach is unacceptable in any branch of medicine, not least that dealing with highly complex and vulnerable young people.

Sallie Baxendale is a consultant clinical neuropsychologist and a professor of clinical neuropsychology at University College London.

==

But by summarising the research so far

Therein lies the problem. "Puberty blockers are fully reversible" is an article of religious faith and recited as religious cant. Not a tested, verifiable reality. Proposing to put a spotlight on the evidence - and especially the lack thereof - is a form of religious heresy.

[caspersickfanfics]

Post-adrenaline puking

For @monthofsick day 6

Prompt List | AO3 | Ask | Rules

Warnings: Vomiting, near death experience, nightmare reference, imagined death (?) (thinking about "what if [character] died")

A/N:

No ask for this one, just my own brain thinking it'd be great if Cyno and Tighnari were fighting together and then Cyno almost died and he's totally fine but Tighnari is horrifically shaken up by the whole experience.

There was something uniquely exhilarating about fighting with Cyno. Although Tighnari was more than capable of handling The Withering on his own or with his team of forest rangers, something about teaming up with the person Tighnari was closest to enhanced his own strengths. As a general rule of thumb, Tighnari didn’t much like fighting, but this… he would never admit it out loud, but fighting alongside Cyno felt more like play.

They took down the last ruin monster together, and despite the energy-sucking effects of The Withering, Tighnari felt like he could fight ten more as he moved to destroy the tumor. A single shot should do it, now the they’d destroyed the monsters and the branches. And yet… It didn’t. Tighnari frowned. Had he missed? A sense of foreboding rose in his bones, but he brushed it off as he heard Cyno laugh.

“Tighnari! What does an archer say when he misses his target?”

Tighnari ignored this, taking aim for a second shot. As he did so, he heard three things:

The complete silence of the wind

Cyno’s carefree voice saying, “Oh, bow”

A creak that comes not from nature, but machinery

He whipped around just in time to a final infected ruin monster appear behind Cyno, already charging up. He didn’t know how it had gotten past both of them, but he knew without a doubt that it could take his partner from him forever with a single strike.

“Cyno!” Tighnari’s stomach flipped; he felt felt the blood drain from his face and with it went any sense of fun. For a moment where time was frozen, Tighnari saw snapshots of Cyno, making unfunny jokes to lighten a tense mood, playing TCG with the highest degree of intensity, returning to their home weary to the bone but full of love after months of nonstop work. He saw him helping Collei through panic attacks, reminding her that her illness did not define her or make her weak, tucking her in after a bad dream and staying with her the better part of the night, teaching her tracking and spatial awareness to ensure she’d be able to sense when danger was near. He saw Cyno as he was years ago, awkward and uncertain in the early stages of their friendship, recalled the wonder in Cyno’s face as Tighnari taught him how to brush his tail. He saw Cyno asleep in their bed, peaceful and entirely relaxed and safe.

Then he saw Cyno, cold and stiff. Lying flat, but not sleeping. Entirely unmoving. This Cyno he had seen before, too, many times since his dreams had returned, but only ever in the worst of his nightmares.

And then the hands of time began ticking, and Tighnari lost track of himself. He had a thought that he’d need multiple shots to take it down, and then he was moving. Two shots from a distance, running closer before the second one hit. The machines weapon went off, its laser beam striking too close to Cyno for comfort, but Tighnari’s body continued to move. Positioning himself in close quarters and knowing that he could hit its weak point up to five times in succession if he got lucky.

He did get lucky, but it didn’t feel that way. There was no immediate sense of relief as the ruin monster fell to the ground. Tighnari wasted no time destroying the tumor. The Withering cleared, but his chest stayed tight and painful, and oxygen felt just out of his grasp. He heard Cyno whistle and then speak as though he were a mile away.

“Wow, that was kinda hot. I had no idea you could–” Cyno’s breath stuck in his throat the moment he caught sight of Tighnari. Ears pinned to his head, tail quivering weakly, eyes wide. A single glance and he could tell something was wrong. He just didn’t know what.

Then Tighnari doubled over and vomited, and Cyno was at his side assessing the damage before a single thought crossed his mind.

“Are you hurt,” he demanded. No response, just a moan and a shuddering back, and then a hand clasping Cyno’s arm, tight. “Tighnari.”

“‘m fine,” the forest watcher mumbled, voice hollow and still thick with nausea; decidedly unconvincing. A harsh heave brought another wave of puke splattering across the uneven forest floor. Cyno held his companion steady with his free hand on Tighnari’s shoulder. When the retching stopped, the matra took it upon himself to conduct a quick but thorough examination, only breathing a sigh of relief after he confirmed that Tighnari had sustained exclusively surface level injuries.

“Right,” Cyno spoke with an attempt at confidence. “You’re okay.”

Except Tighnari did not look okay at all. His skin was washed out and covered in beads of sweat, and his ears stayed pressed into damp hair. The way he gasped for air made Cyno’s chest hurt. Most concerning were his eyes: unblinking and dilated, red-ringed but dry, they traced all of Cyno’s movements as if tied to him by invisible strings.

“You–” Tighnari started, only to be cut off with a retch. His grip on Cyno’s arm tightened impossibly further. Cyno didn’t mind; he simply moved closer and rubbed firm circles onto the ill forest watcher’s arched back until he threw up again and his airways cleared. Cyno was rattled, impatient for an explanation and reassurance, but not enough to rush Tighnari into speaking. He took a slow breath before speaking again.

“Let’s sit." The matra’s voice was deliberately soft with the suggestion, and his movements as he guided Tighnari to rest on a fallen tree were gentle. He was still clearly feeling unwell. He curled up, one arm wrapped around his knees, feet pulled close to his body, looking much smaller than he was. Even his tail had curled closely around him. Every so often a wet burp would bubble out of him, but Cyno doubted there was anything left in his stomach. Since he hadn't brought any extra supplies, Cyno used his own bare hand to wipe the area around Tighnari’s mouth clean. He tried not to think too hard about what it meant that Tighnari, who was usually so insistent about taking care of himself, expressed no resistance to this action. He still hadn’t let go of Cyno’s arm, though his grip eased somewhat over time. As Cyno eyed the place where their skin touched, he thought about how scared he had been at the idea of Tighnari being hurt; he thought about the number of times Tighnari had examined him for injuries, and the intensity of his gaze just minutes ago.

“Ah,” Cyno said quietly. It was so obvious. “I’m okay.”

The words, simple as they were, clearly meant a great deal to Tighnari. His tail twitched and unraveled, brushing Cyno’s shoulder and falling to rest nested between both of their thighs. Tighnari’s eyes, which had been staring blankly at the ground in front of him, drifted to Cyno’s face.

“You almost died,” Tighnari croaked. A shiver ran down Cyno’s spine.

He didn’t know if Tighnari was right, though he trusted the forest watcher’s judgement. He wanted to deny it. He knew, really, that it didn’t matter exactly how close he had come to fighting his last. If he had scared Tighnari to this extent… He didn’t know how to fix it.

“I’m sorry,” he said, both helplessly and genuine. “I didn’t mean to.”

Tighnari’s eyes crinkled at the corners, his nose twitching. His mouth quirked up slightly, like he wanted to laugh but was too tired to muster up the energy. “I know.”

Cyno nodded. There was a much bigger conversation to be had, he knew, but now was not the time. Tighnari’s complexion had improved somewhat, but he was still incredibly shaky. His grip on Cyno’s forearm had weakened, and he had slumped against Cyno’s side. It was… disconcerting, seeing how steady he usually was, and Cyno wanted him to rest and feel better as soon as possible.

“Do you still feel sick?”

Tighnari took a moment to answer, and Cyno knew he was taking stock of his body. He waited silently, comfortable with this familiar process, until Tighnari shook his head. “Not sick, just tired and weak. I–” He hesitated and Cyno offered when he hoped was an encouraging expression. Tighnari’s cheeks flushed pink. “I’m not sure I can walk, to be honest.”

This was not surprising to Cyno. “I’ll carry you.”

The blush darkened. Cyno stood, facing away from Tighnari, and nodded at his own back. “Get on.”

Tighnari scoffed audibly, and then there was a soft “You’re ridiculous,” but soon a weight settled against Cyno and he smiled slightly.

“What did the forest ranger say to the fox?” He asked. Tighnari groaned, Cyno’s smile grew, and together, they set off towards home.

–––

Send asks here!

[chidoroki]

Black Clover ch372

Feels like it's been forever but we're finally getting back to the Silva family fight between the children and Acier. More importantly, back to my man Nozel receiving the medical attention he so rightfully needs. I honestly should've expected Paplo to show up and provide healing again, but that really knocks out my personal wish of having some Black Bulls like Vanessa (& mainly her), Charmy or Grey flying in to come assist Noelle with the battle against mother dearest and interact with the siblings, but alas, Paplo is here being a reliable servant as always so can't be too mad at the poor guy. Kahono is nearby helping with some healing lullabies as well so Nozel is in good hands.

Heaven knows why I'm only realizing this now, but the fact they're both fighting with lance type weapons is sweet is a odd mother-daughter kinda way. I know Noelle's original valkyrie dress was styled after Acier's steel version but yeah.

These long months between chapters is really doing damage on my memory.. but all of Lucius' paladins have been using two different types of magic, yeah? Or at least given more than what their main attribute was, since sister Lily naturally has water but was later shown to use spatial as well. Regardless of what's right, seeing Acier use water to further overwhelm her family that mainly consists of water users is lovely, like a sweet punch to the gut.

Tee-hee~ more bird shaped spells coming from a Silver Eagle captain. How very on brand.

We then cut to Solid and Nebra still feeling completely shook and scared about the grand duel that's raging on in the sky. While Solid comments how Noelle continues to grew even stronger, he doubts they could still win against their mother. Nebra of course notices this strength too and thinks back on all the times she only faced opponents she knew she was capable of easily beating, so the idea of facing Acier undoubtedly terrifies her. Both siblings come to realize how very weak they've truly been, by taking their royal status at face value and by sitting back and badmouthing Noelle when she's the one who has been pushing herself through every harsh situation and improving herself to be accepted and live another day. We're gearing up for more redemption in the Silva family and if their moment is even half as good as Nozel's then I'm so ready.

And we're getting off to a great start as Solid jumps in to save Noelle from one of Acier's attacks. I think he summons up a water eagle to take the hit instead if I'm understanding what's happening here correctly.

Looks like Nerba puts up some sort of mist barrier/smoke screen to give Solid some cover to make his move too. Or perhaps it's a spell to hinder Acier? I really dunno, but whatever the case, it's working to some degree. Also, Fuegoleon's words still coming back clutch. I assume it's Noelle thinking of it now, since it was her Fuegoleon spoke them to? Or the quote is just there for us readers to remember. Either way, it really is such a powerful line from him.

I actually really love that Solid & Nebra don't wanna act like the past never happened and simply be forgiven for it, whether it be them referring to all the pain and sadness they've given Noelle over the years or how pitiful and arrogant they've both acted, but they want to accept and take blame for their actions instead and work towards improving themselves.

OUT OF THE WAY Y'ALL! Best boy is here and fully recovered, thank god! Even though it's no mystery that Nozel was nearby watching the fight whilst healing, his words just further confirm he was listening in to everything and I can't imagine how relieved and proud he must be feeling to hear his other two siblings finally turn over a new leaf by accepting and helping Noelle.

Not sure what kinda luck I've been blessed with but the fact we got two chapters this update so I didn't have to wait and see how the Silva family brawl would end fills me with great joy so I shall begin the next rambling now. Huzzah.

[bowlingforgerbils]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you @gretchensinister for tagging me!

How many works have you written for AO3?

40 works! I have some older stuff on fanfiction.net.

What’s your total word count?

Do you know that this is the first time I've ever looked at the Statistics on my AO3 account. I didn't know I could see my total word count! Anyway it's 149,665.

What fandoms do you write for?

These days it's pretty much Good Omens. But I have not forgotten my first love, Rise of the Guardians.

Top 5 fics by kudos

"Jackpot", "He Followed me Home", "I wear your grandad's clothes, I look incredible", "Under the Mistletoe", and "I Promise to Take Care of Him."

The first and the third one are Pacific Rim fanfics, the fourth one is a Good Omens fanfic, and the second and fifth one are my two-parter about Charlie and the Scientist, a crack pairing in the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia canon.

Do you respond to comments?

Yes. It's my way of showing appreciation that someone enjoyed my silly little story. And I'm always happy to answer questions or talk about the characters. <3

What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Umm.... I don't really do angsty endings... I guess Shakespeare in the Park? It's not a happy ending, anyway.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again, this is hard, almost all I write are happy endings! Maybe Co-Habitation, because it ends with Aziraphale and Crowley living in the South Downs, which is my Good Omens endgame.

Do you get hate on fics?

No, although when I originally started posting When You Wish Upon the Moon on fanfiction.net, someone whined at me in the comments about not wanting me to ship Pitch Black and Sandy together. Thankfully, AO3 has a great tagging system, so I assume anyone reading my stories knows what they are getting into beforehand.

Do you write smut?

Yes! Not lately. I should rectify that. :3

Do you write crossovers?

Yes, occasionally, if the mood strikes me.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so... I have a vague memory of someone asking, but that might have been on fanfiction.net.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but many of my Rise of the Guardians fanfics wouldn't be what they are without the collective world-building of the blacksand community.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

In general? Probably Aziraphale and Crowley. That I've written? Probably Pitch and Sandy.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I have a Good Omens pirate AU in my WIP folder that I lost steam in writing, but never say never.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good at dialogue, and also creating a plot that gives characters a chance to express themselves and hopefully experience some growth.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Moving the characters around in the physical space. I don't know if it's because of my generally weak spatial skills, but imagining where the characters are in the environment and each other is really hard! Fighting scenes in particular give me such a headache.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

It's not something I do, personally, except for a word here and there for flavor. I doubt that adding several lines of badly Google translated dialogue is going to add anything beneficial to my story.

First fandom you wrote for?

The Chronicles of Prydain, although I didn't know it was called fanfic because I was twelve and this was before the internet as we know it existed. It was about a self-insert fairy who was Doli's girlfriend. I liked how grouchy he was!

Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

It's a tough call, but probably He Followed Me Home. Not only because it was so much fun to write, but because I've received so many comments about how this story is a "comfort fic" for them, something that they read and re-read to feel better, and if that's not the highest compliment that I can receive as an author, then I don't know what is.

I tag whomever wants to do this!

[acacia-may]

Ooo for the WIPs; what are the Time Next gen fics 👀? And the Vanessa’s father one? Those sound interesting 🥰!

Hi Lyra! It's so nice to hear from you. Thank you so much for your ask and for your interest in my wips, dear! 💕

I will confess that I haven't worked on any of my Black Clover Next Gen fics in a while (I have one, Portals and Potatoes) that has been in progress on AO3 since last year that I really need to go back to one of these days), but I am very fond of the two with "Time" in the titles (which are both from the same "Future Problems" series).

"Crossing the Time Line" is Spatial Brothers-centric. Kalon, Finral's time-traveling son in my AU, accidentally sends his father and Uncle Langris (who get along now) back to the Royal Knights Exam which they have to try their best to recreate without anyone finding out they are from the future--shenanigans ensue.

"Find Me In Time" is more angsty and serious in tone and is about the next generation of magic knights (mostly everyone's kids plus a few others) especially the Black Bulls squad when Yami's son, Katsu, is the captain. In a desperate attempt to retreat from a terrible battle with a Zogratis descendant (A/N: do not ask me which Zogratis the villain is related to--I honestly never thought about it because I don't wanna know lol), Kalon accidentally brings his captain several members of his squad [including Henry's daughter, Summer, Gauche and Grey's daughter, Mira, and Asta & Noelle's son, Kai], his best friend, Anni Boismortier (Charmy & Rill's daughter who is on the Aqua Deer), and his sister, Lia, (who is in the Golden Dawn) to safety in the past for a short respite in which they are comforted by their (young) parents.

As a bonus (to end on a happier note), "Captain Magna" is also a Next Gen story about the next generation Black Bulls squad but it takes place earlier (or in a different timeline) when Magna is the Black Bulls' captain. Trying to get his squad back to their base, Kalon accidentally takes them to the Black Bulls' hideout nearly two decades in the past where they are discovered by (canon-age) Magna and Luck. It's all lighthearted shenanigans.

The "Vanessa's Father" fic is one I would really love to come back to someday, but it became such a big (multi-chapter) project that I think I got a little intimidated and had to leave it for a while after it hit around 5,000 words. In briefest summary, Vanessa finds her biological father, Cyril Swann (OC), and agrees to meet him. Most of the story is told through flashbacks in which Cyril explains how he came to have Vanessa and, ultimately, was (forcibly) separated from her by the Queen of Witches.

I'll put the basic backstory and also a snippet from the wip under the cut since I'm not sure how to explain more without a lot of ramblings. 😅 (Warnings: mentions really unhealthy arranged marriage for the purpose of producing children only)

Vanessa's father, Cyril, grew up as the youngest child of the House of Swann, a lower-tier noble house in the Clover Kingdom. His family's only claim to fame was their mediocre wind magic, and the fact that Cyril's older sister, Channary, married into the Noble House of Sandler (eventually becoming the mother of Alecdora). Cyril is the only member of the Swann family in nearly a century not to have wind magic, having inherited string magic from his mother (who was specifically chosen to marry into the family because her magic was so weak it was not suspected to be passed down to the children). Cyril was close to his mother whose name was also Vanessa, but after she dies, he is treated as an outsider by his father and three older siblings: Cecil, Crispin, and Channary, as his string magic is considered fairly useless by everyone including Cyril himself who mainly uses it to change the strings on his violin.

Cyril lives next-door to Finral's (eventual) mother, Calia, who is his dearest friend and like a sister to him. Calia has what is considered a weak "summoning magic" that lets her move things with her mind (both in her line of sight and by picturing them), but it attracts the attention of the Noble House of Vaude and a marriage is arranged between her and the current heir, Ledior (like with Cyril's parents, the hope is that Calia's magic will be so weak that it won't prevent the Vaude spatial magic from being passed down to any children). Calia is a very sweet, if a bit naive, young lady and a talented pianist who loves to play accompanied by Cyril's violin (she considers him quite talented when Cyril just thinks of himself as mediocre). They also love to have tea in Calia's garden and to play with Cyril's cat, Reddington.

Shortly after Calia's marriage is arranged, one of Cyril's elder brothers, Crispin, trespasses in the Forest of Witches thereby breaking a treaty between the Witch Queen and the Clover Kingdom. Her Majesty the Queen of Witches is going to have him executed for breaking the treaty until Lord Swann (Cyril's father) negotiates with her and basically gives her Cyril/his hand in marriage in exchange for Crispin's release since she's interested in his string magic. The Witch Queen wants the power to control destiny, and with her Future Sight Magic, she has been able to see the future in which her daughter, Vanessa, exists, has the power to control fate, and uses a string-like magic. Having this power over destiny is far more important to the Witch Queen than her hatred of men so Her Majesty essentially wants to use Cyril to have Vanessa and then agrees to let him go.

Cyril eventually fancies himself in love with Her Majesty (and calls her Regina ("Queen") even though he isn't entirely sure if that is even her real name), so he agrees to the arrangement, marries her, and never feels forced into the relationship or into having children. Even though their "relationship" is cold, business-like, and more than a little problematic, Cyril tries his best to make it work and get Her Majesty to love him but, of course that doesn't work out. Her Majesty pities him, but that is really as much affection as she is capable of. [A/N: Their dynamic is very much "I Love You (As Much As Someone Like Me Can Love Anyone)" (YouTube) Warnings: some language and a few spicier/suggestive jokes in that song].

Eventually they have Vanessa together, and Cyril loves his daughter dearly, more than he could have imagined he could love anyone. He is actually the one who names her--naming her Vanessa after his beloved mother. His daughter is Cyril's pride and joy, but Her Majesty thinks he is a bad influence (being a man and all) so she tries her best to keep them separated from each other until eventually she kicks him out of the Forest of Witches altogether after Vanessa presents with her magic meaning the Queen has no more use for him. He isn't sure what happened exactly: one night he fell asleep in the Forest of Witches, the next night he woke up back in his old room at House Swann. The forest is well hidden so he could never find it again and even if he could, Her Majesty would never let him back in and he wouldn’t be able to break through her magical barrier (that Asta eventually breaks through his anti-magic).

When Cyril gets back to Clover, several years have passed. In that time, his best friend, Calia, has died from complications giving birth to Finral (and her husband has remarried quickly which doesn’t sit right with him). Cyril’s eldest brother, Cecil, died in the line of duty as a magic knight, and his other elder brother, Crispin, (who is kind of responsible for this whole mess in the first place) has taken over House Swann as next in line, but he can’t/doesn’t want to run anything so Cyril has to step in & actually keep their House going behind the scene (all the logistical things like making sure servants get paid, money is properly invested ect.). He spends his most of his days being touted around and shown off by his family (seeing as he’s technically a ‘prince consort’). Cyril is a very unpretentious and straight-forward person who hates the limelight, but his older brother and sister, Crispin and Channary, are not above using him and his status as a ‘prince consort’ to further their own standing & influence. Though Cyril tries to explain, nobody quite understands (or wants to understand) that he isn’t actually a prince consort so, unfortunately for him, he gets dragged around to a lot of fancy dinners and noble parties he doesn’t want to be at where sycophants try to suck up to him and/or try to arrange marriages with the daughter they’ve heard he has. [A/N: I actually played around with the idea of him ending up at a party at House Vaude at one point and running into a tiny Finral & Langris, but never did anything with it].

Eventually, Cyril reaches a certain breaking point where he just retreats from the public eye and tries to live a quiet life with his cat(s) while missing his daughter terribly and playing a lot of sad violin music, which is how no one has ever really heard of him before. House Swann was always a lower tier Noble House on the outskirts of the Noble Realm anyway so he was quickly and easily forgotten. He visits his sister & his nephew, Alecdora, from time to time, but he does not get out much.

Cyril is very heartbroken over losing his daughter and has never really forgiven himself for having to leave Vanessa, even though he didn't have a choice. Cyril suspected that Vanessa was in Clover and heard rumors about a powerful magic knight from the Forest of Witches with the power to control destiny, but he felt like he didn’t have the right to just show up out of nowhere and infringe on her life. He thinks she probably hates him for abandoning her and being absent and that there isn’t anything he can do to make it up to her, so he just lets it be and leaves her alone.

Eventually, however, he runs into Langris at a party hosted by Cyril's nephew and Langris' squad mate, Alecdora, and Langris recognizes Cyril's unique magic. After talking to him, he sort of puts together that he must be related to Vanessa and mentions it to her. Vanessa debates it for a little bit but eventually reaches out to Cyril and asks if they can meet. He explains the whole story, and Vanessa realizes that they're both victims of Her Majesty and that she has always been connected to him.

Now, there might be an author-given, actual reason why Vanessa’s fate power presents as a cat but in this story, but for this backstory, I kind of linked it back to her dad in a way. The strings are his power after all & even if this fate manipulation is combination magic (her majesty’s future sight + dad’s strings), it is powered by love. It’s the strong bonds she has with her Black Bulls family that help her unlock it, but in my mind (in this universe anyway) there might be something subconscious there where she’s pulling on a happy memory & bonds she doesn’t quite remember with a father who loves her which is why Rouge looks like her father's cat, Reddington (I was a little worried that naming the cat “Reddington” would be a bit on the nose though...)

Cyril and Vanessa reconcile and start to rebuild their relationship and really become part of each other's lives. Cyril would have been a wonderful father if he had been given the chance, but Her Majesty stole that from him. I like to think that going forward they get to have a close bond with each other, and if Vanessa ever has children, Cyril becomes a wonderful grandpa to them.

But I think I have rambled enough about all of this. 😅 Here's a small snippet from a scene that takes place when Vanessa is very little and Cyril is still in the Forest of Witches (and sneaking out to see her).

WIP SNIPPET:

“Papa!” Vanessa called to him excitedly before Cyril held a finger to his lips and shushed her gently—carefully tiptoeing over to the small bed which had recently replaced her crib. Since Her Majesty did not want him to spend a lot of time with her—often citing the corruption that would likely accompany a more masculine influence, Cyril had used to sneak out in the middle of the night to curl up next to his daughter’s cradle. Now that his little girl was getting older, however, he was having to find more creative ways to sneak out to visit her when Regina was too preoccupied with other things to care to stop him. After all, Cyril was sure she saw everything in her Forest and especially in her own palace so there was no hiding from her, but there was definitely a hierarchy to her concerns so he learned to schedule his visits around those. Now, for instance, it was very late, and Regina was holding court. She wouldn’t be bothered with coming to stop him from playing with his daughter. 

“How are you, Nessie?” he whispered with a bright smile as he gave her a gentle kiss on the top of her head. 

Vanessa beamed at him. “Happy.” 

“I’m glad.”  

“You are happy, Papa?” she asked, slipping her tiny hand into his. 

It was probably her favorite question, and like always, he smiled and assured her, “Of course, I’m happy. I’m with you” before he kissed her cheek causing her to giggle and laugh. Cyril stifled his own laughter so as not to draw too much unnecessary attention—a bit difficult seeing as Vanessa’s constant cheerfulness and beaming smile were simply infectious. Cyril remembered fondly that even when she was still a baby, Vanessa had this way of staring at a person with a bright smile until they smiled back at her—almost like a little game, as if she wanted everyone around her to be happy. When she got older, she took to asking them outright. 

Before he could say anything more, Reddington jumped up into bed curling up next to Vanessa with a contented purr. The otherwise grumpy cat was particularly protective of the little princess, though Cyril was sure he would deny it if he was able. Even so, he was often snuggled up next to Vanessa relishing her attention and adoration—until she playfully pulled on his tail, that is, causing him to yelp and hiss before Cyril once again reminded her how to pet him gently and soothed him with an extra helping of catnip. Reddington purred again as Vanessa pet his soft fur. 

“Happy, Red?” she asked—tilting her head as if genuinely waiting for the cat’s response. The cat mewed, and Vanessa smiled, seemingly pleased with this answer. 

“I have something new to show you,” said Cyril, taking a seat at his daughter’s bedside. 

“New amimals?” Her eyes seemed to light up when she asked, and Cyril nodded. Vanessa was always delighted by the little dolls and animals he made for her to play with out of his thread magic, particularly when Reddington had tired of them or was off sulking somewhere and no longer wanted to play. When Cyril wasn’t able to visit her, he was thinking of new things he could create and practiced making them with his magic. He had actually gotten pretty good at making them move as well, entertaining her with kittens that arched their backs, puppies that wagged their tails, fish that wiggled their fins, and little birds that flapped their wings causing Vanessa to giggle with glee for hours. 

Vanessa’s eyes widened in wonder as Cyril held out his hands to her, forming his threads into the shape of a cow that moved its head up and down as if it was grazing in a pasture. 

“What’s this?” she asked curiously. 

“It’s called a cow. They make a silly sound: 'moo’,” he demonstrated, and his heart could have melted as his little girl burst into laughter and stared up at him with wide, joyful eyes. Her violet eyes were the one feature she had inherited from him. Cyril couldn’t help but wonder if someday when she got older, if he was no longer around, she might look at herself in the mirror and wonder where those eyes had come from and think of him, if only just for a moment. The thought caused his chest to ache and filled him with an unbelievable sadness, but he knew it was only a matter of time before Regina dissolved their arrangement.