#sterilization cw

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

Well—I’m actually in the waiting room now for my bilateral salpingectomy. Feels weird.

My brain’s been going overdrive the last few days trying to make sure I’m not going to regret it, but I’m like 99% sure that’s just a mix of completely reasonable nerves about surgery and my normal issues with indecisiveness and Wait No My Options because like…I’m a lot more concerned about the abstract idea of “what if I regret making this decision I can’t reverse” than I am about the actual concrete “what if I want to grow another person inside me later” that’s actually relevant to the specific situation at hand

Because. I still don’t want to do that. Realistically I can’t think of a situation in which I’d want to do that. I especially find it hard to believe that anything would genuinely override my years-long desire to not do that. Plus it’s…kind of a gender-affirming thing, in that I don’t really like having a pregnancy-capable body for reasons that are somewhat gender-related. and nerves might be…a little bit more at the forefront right now Because Surgery, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve wanted to do this for literal years.

[sisteroutsiders]

Increasingly, despite opposition, Black women are coming together to explore and to alter those manifestations of our society which oppress us in different ways from those that oppress Black men. This is no threat to Black men. It is only seen as one by those Black men who choose to embody within themselves those same manifestations of female oppression. For instance, no Black man has ever been forced to bear a child he did not want or could not support. Enforced sterilization and unavailable abortions are tools of oppression against Black women, as is rape. Only to those Black men who are unclear about the pathways of their own definition can the self-actualization and self-protective bonding of Black women be seen as a threatening development.

Audre Lorde, from “Scratching the Surface: Some Notes on Barriers to Women and Loving,” as published in Sister Outsider (1983)

[luck-of-the-drawings]

THIS THING IS SCUUUFFED AS HELL & ITS ALSO THE BEST THING I HAVE ANIMATED THUS FAR. IM SO IN LOVE WITH EMIZEL. JUST WISH I GAVE HIM MORE STUPID TATTOOS. NEXT TIME THO. NEXT TIME. I ALSO LOVE VEX&VIV SOOOO MUCH. charlies flavor of Deranged is my FAVORITE!!

[standfucker]

Marco with a nesting instinct. You get pregnant and he's just compulsively buying more and more pillows and blankets. An absurd amount and he can't stop hoarding them. Keeps gifting you stuffed animals. Bringing you food in bed. And he's not even really aware he's doing it until you wake up one day and realize your bed has turned into a literal nest.

[oneangstymotherfucker]

Tw for vague csa/abuse mention

Sometimes, yeah, I "get off to" the fics I write. And I definately like hearing that other people enjoy them, because I think everyone deserves things they enjoy and it truly makes me happy to provide a little of that for others.

But the reason I write what I write is so my brain has a place to spin out scenarios to try to make it okay. And by that I don't mean the things that happened to me. By that I mean the fact that I exist as someone who those things happened to. The fact that I live every day with the rammifications of one man's evil decision, wrapping themselves up and weaving themselves into every aspect of my life. And when I write I come at it from all angles- including sexual because I was a prematurely-sexually-awakened kid and that can make a person's relationship with sex a little confusing to say the least- to try to figure out how to live with it.

Fic writers don't write to normalize abuse. We write to normalize suvival. And survival isn't always pure and pretty and fluffy. I was not healed by a wholesome loving relationship, I was not healed by friendship or forgiveness or by trying to banish all darkness from my life and mind. I am healing myself by looking it in the eye. By getting elbows-deep in the darkness, letting it coat my skin again now that I am grown and safe. By forgiving myself for the tracks it left in my mind and body, accepting that it is part of my story and trusting myself to keep me safe.

That's what I'm trying to normalize. That it's good you survived, and it's okay to be "messed up by it". You are normal, and your existence isn't bad or tainted or dirty or wrong. You are good and innocent. You deserve to be here and you deserve a full, satisfying life with all the things you enjoy in it.

[whumpfish]

Extractions! (Tooth vs. Nail)

I've been wanting to do this one for a long time, for all you torture fans out there...

So I metabolize lidocaine like a motherfucker, and any time I get a local, I always have to get a second one halfway through whatever is being done. For the most part, doctors and dentists listen to me when I say this... for the most part.

Tooth

(The oral surgeon did not give me my second shot when I asked for it.)

1. Any fillings you have will collapse under the pressure of an extraction, even a medicated one. (I'm not sure if this is true for metal ones; all of mine are plaster.) It produces a half-crunch, half-thunk sound that reverberates in that half of your skull and sounds absolutely terrifying.

2. The pain of an unmedicated extraction is acute and radiating at the same time. The acute part feels more like having a stiletto stabbed upward into that space than a tooth taken out in a downward motion.

2a. In maxillary extractions, the stab goes straight up, and depending on the location of the tooth, that stab can feel pointed anywhere from your eyeball (frontmost) to right into your brain (rear).

2b. Mandibular extractions* stab downward from the chin (frontmost) to the hinge of your jaw and straight down your throat (rear).

3. The radiating part spreads like a flower blooming, from a concentrated central point outward in a rolling movement.

4. Your ears might pop like an airplane taking off as that blooming pain reaches the hinge of your jaw. Sometimes only in the one ear.

Nail

(I have been doing minor self-surgery** for years because I am genetically predisposed to ingrown nails, and if I don't catch it in time, they grow straight down and I have to extract them to be able to trim them. If I really don't catch it in time, they grow straight down and then curl backward, and I have to get an actual surgeon involved.)

1. Self-surgery, split off edge of nail, 0 to 1/2" down and backward: You have to wiggle these in a sawing/rocking motion back and forth in order to get that tiny bit of root to let go, and when you "saw" backward it feels more like a steak knife than a butter knife, this time moving with the direction of the nail. Then it reverses when you actually yank.

1a. The yank hurts more than the sawing, sharp like a stab from a steak knife instead of one being pushed in slowly.

1b. You will get the best whump out of a whumper splitting off the edges of the nail and doing this and then yanking the middle part

2. Medicated: Locals in the toe/finger area hurt like a bitch. They're sharp and needling like a stiletto to a paper cut, then if someone tried to pry that cut open. At the same time, they feel hot, almost burning. (Hotter than anesthetic being pushed through an IV, if you're familiar with that sensation.) And there are so many nerves involved that just the first round of locals takes 3-4 shots.

3. Unmedicated, grown down and backward, 1/2" to 3/4": The last time I went in, my surgeon said "given the amount of times I have to shoot you up, you'll probably hurt less if I just yank." (She was right.) This sumbitch goes in both directions, down/back from where the root is, then forward. The down/back is a stabbing pain. The forward is like somebody trying to pry open that papercut, a sensation probably caused by the fact that you are in fact messing with something stuck in a very small cut in the skin, in my case the cut was just caused by the nail that has now been removed.

4. If it is a toenail extraction, you are going to bleed significantly more than teeth or fingernails, because your body has to work harder pushing blood up through your leg veins than it does pushing it down into your shoe. Especially when you take a step. Ibuprofen makes this worse. If you take ibuprofen at all that day, expect your shoe to fill up when you take a step. (Mine did, scaring the tar out of everyone present, including me.)

Pain Intensity Verdict:

Teeth > Nails. By a LOT.

Happy yanking!!

*Because of nerve fuckery, dentists using the sonic cleaning tool despite my warnings results in a pain on the level of extractions, and the sensations described here are based on my experience with that.

**This never fails to horrify my friends. They'll see what I'm fixing to work on and say, "Oh ouch, that's bad, go to the doctor," and I'm just like "nah, just get me isopropyl alcohol and some office supplies, I got this."

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

PROPAGANDA

NATASHA ROMANOFF (Marvel Cinematic Universe) (CW: Forced Sterilization)

1.) Was reduced to “chick who fights” and wasn’t given any characterization at all outside of that up until Winter Soldier, the third movie in which she played a major role. Her sideplot in Age of Ultron revolved around dating Bruce, whom she apparently related to because she felt like a monster for not being able to have children (we’re never shown why she actually wants them, it was the first time she’d ever mentioned it), she was the only original Avenger to die before the final battle in Avengers: Endgame and her death was mostly used to give the other male Avengers a reason to fight on. Most of the movies she was in, she spent in a cat suit that was halfway unzipped. I think there are maybe four movies in the entire MCU where she interacts with another named female character. In general, she’s a super interesting character who was super underdeveloped despite being in a ton of movies.

2.) Due to being forcibly sterilized and not having a family of her own, she concludes that when someone has to sacrifice their life For The Greater Good^tm, it should be her (who has spent the past few years as a –if not The– leader managing the security of a superpowered, post-disaster Earth), instead of her guy friend (who has spent the past few years committing war crimes while hiding from his entire support network) because he had a family (that disappeared due to Magical Scifi Bullshit and Might come back if they succeed on their quest) that has been fully capable of supporting themselves while he’s been away secret agent-ing in the past and aware that he might not come back one day from his dangerous job.

Out of universe, there was very little merchandise of her (even in group shots) and it took ages for her to get her own movie in the Everyone Has Their Own Movie Or Three franchise.

3.) She was fridged to upset all the men in endgame and didn’t have a word spoken of her after her death unlike Tony who got a whole funeral.

CORDELIA CHASE (BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER/ANGEL THE SERIES) (CW: Pregnancy)

1.) (downs an entire bottle of vodka and slams it back on the table) SO. CORDY. Cordy started off as a supporting character in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. At the start she was your typical high school mean girl character, but as the show went on we got to see more depth to her character: her insecurities, her courage, her capacity for incredible acts of kindness. Then after the third season she moved into the show’s spin off, Angel, where from the beginning she was basically the show’s secondary protagonist. Her and Angel were the two mainstays of the show’s main cast, she gets the most episodes centered on her out of all the characters aside from Angel (and yes, I’ve checked), and we really got to see her grow from a very shallow and self-centered and kind of mean person to a true hero who was prepared to give up any chance at a normal life to fight the good fight while still never losing the basic core of her character. There were some… questionable moments like the episode where she gets mystically pregnant with demon babies and things got a bit iffy like halfway through season 3 where the writers seemed to run out of ideas for what to do with her outside of sticking her in this romance drama/love triangle situation with the main character but overall, pretty good stuff right? THEN SEASON 4 HAPPENED. In season 4 she gets stripped of literally all agency and spends pretty much the entire season possessed by an evil higher power, and while possessed she sleeps with Angel’s teenage son (who BY THE WAY she had helped raise as a baby before he got speed-grown-up into a teenager it was a whole thing don’t worry about it) and gets pregnant with like. the physical manifestation of the higher power that’s possessing her. it’s about as bad and stupid as it sounds and also is like the third time cordy’s got mystically pregnant in this show and like the fourth mystical pregnancy storyline overall (you will be hearing more on that note in other submissions I’m so sorry). after giving birth she goes into a coma, in which she remains for the rest of season 4 and the first half of season 5. SPEAKING OF WHICH DON’T THINK SEASON 5 IS GETTING OFF SCOT FREE HERE. yeah so in season 5 the show just FULLY starts trying to erase cordy’s existence. she gets mentioned ONCE in the first episode and then never again until halfway through the season where she wakes up, helps out Angel for a bit and encourages him in his fight against evil, and then goes quietly into that good night and dies so it can be all sad and tragic. I’d call it the worst fridging of all time but even THAT feels generous because the whole point of fridging is killing off a female character so a man can be sad, and after Cordy dies basically no one’s even sad about it because the show immediately goes back to pretending she never existed. she is not mentioned ONCE in the two episodes after she dies. in the whole stretch of time between her death and the end of the season she gets mentioned exactly four times. again, I counted. anyway the fun twist to all of this is that all of this happened because the actress who played cordy got pregnant before season 4 and joss whedon was so pissed off about this affecting his plans for the show that he decided to completely fuck over her character and then fire her and write her out of the show. so cordy’s a victim of both writing AND real life misogyny!! good times!!

2.) OH SO MANY THINGS they menaced by giving her terrible hair cuts, making her seem like she’d get together with the guy she loves (and who loves her back) but instead she was killed and when she was brought back, she got possessed by an evil entity who used her body to give birth to itself. afterwards she was in a long coma and died. her character was so throughoutly assassinated

3.) She got demonically pregnant TWICE - there was this real sense of a womb/ability to get pregnant as like, a place for evil to get in. She got positioned as femme fatale and evil mother. The actress basically got fired for being pregnant, and when she agreed to come back for a single final episode she specifically said they could do anything but kill off the character. Guess what happened

[molochka-koshka]

Artfight attack for Seladrine of their tzimisce oc Ízisz! We love a self-autopsying fleshcrafting babe

[roguemonsterfucker]

I get emails from reddit a lot lately (joining was a mistake apparently lol)

and one was a woman asking for advice on how to not become pregnant in a state where abortion is now illegal. Well, not *advice* exactly, but asking what other folks have done to avoid it.

And there was a horrific story from someone in the comments about how they had to get sterilized for their own safety after having to travel to a state to get a legal abortion due to medical reasons. They wanted the child, but things went wrong and they had to *leave their home state* to get it taken care of and they got screamed at by protesters outside of the clinic.

That is. Sickening.

Abortion is health care.

This poor woman WANTED her baby. Had to terminate it for her own health. Had to travel *out of state* to do it. And still got screamed at by "pro life" people.

Fucking hell.

Abortion is health care.

Edit to add: she also says she was RECORDED. The protesters RECORDED her on "the worst day of [her] life," as she puts it.

There is now a recording of this woman, the day she lost her CHILD, being judged by "pro life" people.

[snarp]

Callout for Tumblr user @thegeekgene and also our Mom

My text message history tells me that it was August of 2023 when I last saw my favorite water bottle. It was a pink children's Camelbak knockoff, just the right size for my tiny arthritic hands, and simultaneously girly- and ugly-enough to put off the impulsive water bottle thieves who most often prey upon me.*

My texted requests that my family search their belongings for my fucking Barbie Sippy Cup, records show, received no reply. At least twice, I remember verbally asking my Mom and my younger sister @thegeekgene to check their cars for it, and being told that they had.

Mom handed her old car off to thegeekgene; 9 months passed. Somewhere, I thought, an unusually-pink-and-hydrated human child must have been born...

But today, opening my dear little sister's car door to look for my headphone cable, I saw it: a glint of a familiar pink under the drivers' seat. It was still half-full.

* mostly Dad but sometimes Mom**

** and yeah I also rob them but since I'm more careful about Cup Quality the situation can get asymmetrical

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

probably a sign that you’re not doing super great when a TikTok about the positive sides of ADHD nearly makes you cry because you never recognize yourself in any of those posts, you apparently only got the shitty parts (and meds don’t work, that’s very important) making you constantly overwhelmed and every goddamn mention of ADHD superpowers just makes you feel like even more of a fuckup

tbf there are some other stressful things, like that stupid shit with the MRI is temporarily solved but I’m wondering if I should look into getting the staples removed in case I need an emergency MRI in the future and I’m not sure who to ask although I have some ideas, and my room is still a worse disaster than usual from moving my bed to fix the leaking pipe in the wall and I don’t want to put half of it back before going through things and getting rid of stuff but some of that (swords) will take research and the rest will just take time I don’t have yet, and I might have fucked up a customer’s Etsy order in a totally unexpected way (fixable, but also something I didn’t need), and I owed a lot in taxes, and I need oral surgery on my receding gums which is also going to cost quite a bit and that’s even with splitting it across fiscal years so insurance will pay more (which will also suck more because it means two surgeries! but it’ll save like $900, so…), and I should take time off work but I also sort of feel like I shouldn’t because I always feel like I’m behind with everything, and I’d like to visit my grandparents in early June because it sounds like my grandma’s health is getting worse but I haven’t even had time to look at tickets, and I’m probably moving ahead with a bilateral salpingectomy which is something I want but it’s still kinda freaky and it absolutely needs to be done before the end of the fiscal year (June 30) as well which means the timing of everything is a little tight (and I haven’t told my mom yet), and somehow I’m still hamstringing myself with long-overdue and almost-overdue fanfic

and that’s only the really urgent and/or recent stuff

…which, okay, does legitimately sound like kind of a lot when I write it all out, so maybe it’s not so surprising that I’ve been in a constant state of burnout and overwhelm for…a very, very long time

[coulsonlives]

Someone should make a bingo card of all the times bogleech has wished death on people, istg we'd have a full card by now lol

[pawtisserie-0022]

𖤐 Mild Gore ( simplified exposed muscle)

𖤐 Blood

𖤐 Cannibalism

Butcher Vanity

We discovered canine teeth have evolved in special ways to help each species kill and eat their favourite prey – helping to make mammals some of nature's most successful predators

Dividers 1 and 2

[whump-card]

Forged Divinity Chapter 26: Leannan Learns the Truth

2168 words

CW: past institutionalized slavery, religious themes, eugenics, sterilization, implied past noncon

Previous, Masterlist, Next

~~~ Enjolras had tracked every sale Leannan had gone through. From Iowa City to Lord Ransom; from Ransom to Queen Killia; from Killia to the Desert Conquerors. She had appealed to buy him from each, offering all the La Liberan riches and resources she had been allowed to. Each had refused. When the enclave of the Desert Conquerors was overrun by bandits, Enjolras had despaired, thinking Leannan lost.

But then, she’d heard tell of the last Iowan, on Donda Island.

Accompanied by none other than Phineas Kaŝpafisto.

Fate was a funny thing.

Now, after twelve years, Leannan was finally home; surrounded by his people, curled up head-to-head with his sister on the couch, his feet pressed against Enjolras’ thigh.

Enjolras wasn’t the only one awake, and wasn’t the only one looking at Leannan like he might disappear if they looked away. Callum and Siobhan basked in the presence of their completed family for a while before extracting themselves from their blankets and heading out to start breakfast. Teresa, an older teen, watched Leannan sleep with an unabashed smile but eventually roused her two peers to go take care of the animals.

Enjolras thought herself alone in her wakefulness, until she spotted Jeanette’s cool gaze, not on Leannan, but on her.

“That’s his sister, right?” Jeanette whispered, indicating Shannon with a flick of her eyes.

Enjolras nodded.

“He’s lucky to have a sister that loves him so,” Jeanette said.

“He is,” Enjolras agreed.

At the sound of her voice, Leannan stirred. He pushed himself upright with a silent yawn, then slumped against Enjolras, blinking sleepily.

“We’re still here,” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Enjolras put her arm around him, “We are.”

Leannan yawned again.

“I wish Phineas were here,” he said.

Enjolras couldn’t hide the way she tensed. Leannan lifted his chin to look at her.

“Why do you and Phineas dislike each other?”

Enjolras pursed her lips, considering her answer.

“Phineas…” she smiled sadly, “Phineas hates me the way only a middle child can.”

Leannan sat upright in surprise.

“They’re your sibling?”

“Yes,” Enjolras whispered, “Which means, they can’t ever really hurt me. And I can’t ever really hurt them.”

Leannan settled back into Enjolras’ side, closing his eyes.

“You should try to get along,” he mumbled.

Enjolras felt a little sick, as she watched Leannan fall back asleep in her arms. He had no idea how cruel Phineas had been to him. Phineas was a “good master” in his eyes. How could she possibly repair a view so skewed?

“You think you can’t kill Phineas, even if they deserve it?” Jeanette asked. Enjolras looked up at her sharply, but had no response.

“I killed my brother,” Jeanette whispered, her voice a finger of ice on Enjolras’ spine, “He was trying to kill Leannan, and he had always been… He deserved it.”

“You think Phineas deserves to die?” Enjolras asked, almost hoping Jeanette wouldn’t answer.

“They destroyed hundreds of people’s homes. Their livelihoods. Who knows how many died. Not even to escape – they could have done that without setting the fire. They were making a point.”

Enjolras closed her eyes, a childhood threat coming to mind.

“If I can’t have it, no one can.”

~~~

The whole group woke up properly not long later, and the teenagers rejoined from their chores. Leannan and Jeanette, who felt well enough to walk a bit as long as she could lean on Enjolras, were shown briefly around the Longhouse. The common room stood at one end, while the rest of the building was made up of rooms connected by a long hallway – mostly bedrooms. At the opposite end was a cinderblock addition of a bathhouse, with toilet and shower stalls.

The next mission was breakfast. Their group left the Longhouse and walked towards another building, an age-old one that stood blocky and concrete – but as they walked around it on a path, the other side was revealed: a massive, convex curve of glass windows, looking westward over an open field of wildflowers cross-crossed with walking paths, and to beyond that, the southwest-side waterfall. Horseshoe Falls, Enjolras informed Leannan and Jeanette. The northwest one was American Falls. Weathered signage dubbed the building the Top of the Falls Restaurant.

They entered the building into a large room outfitted as another common space; couches, a pool table, a blinking arcade cabinet. The children dashed forward and up a flight of stairs, followed by most of the adults, while Enjolras lead Jeanette and Leannan to an elevator.

Upstairs was a massive room, dotted with columns, the whole west wall an arc of glass windows. The room was filled with tables and chairs, and at the center was a large rounded counter set up as a buffet. The fare was plentiful: scrambled eggs, cheeses, salad, summer fruits and berries such as strawberries and peaches, and rolls of bread. There were pitchers of water, milk, and fruit juice as well. Leannan and Jeanette followed the lead of everyone else, grabbing a plate at one end and filling it as they shuffled along.

The Iowans hovered about, watching Leannan as he stepped away from the buffet with a full plate – they all wanted to sit near him. Leannan balked a bit, looking around with uncertainty, so Enjolras took his elbow and guided him to a table by the windows.

Finally seated, the group settled into a comfortable chatter as they ate. The teenagers reintroduced themselves to Leannan, and he marveled at how they were only yea high when he last saw them. He met the three new children, Callum and Siobhan’s brood, ages five, seven, and nine. Peter and Rory started listing all the things and places they needed to show Leannan – the playground, the chickens, the goats, the different places to look at the waterfalls, the arcade cabinet.

Then Mohammad arrived, with the baby.

He stood awkwardly at the top of the stairs, one hand on Lena where she rested in her sling, desperately trying to catch Shannon and Enjolras’ eyes. They spotted him at the same time, and Shannon stood and clapped her hands.

“Okay, everyone! Let’s let Leannan have some peace and quiet for a bit, yeah? I know you all have chores to do.”

The teens started to argue that they certainly did not, but a quiet word from Clary had them gathering their empty plates and telling Leannan they’d see him later.

Soon it was just Shannon, Leannan, Jeanette, and Enjolras sitting at their table, and Mohammad slowly walked over.

Leannan turned as he heard someone approach, and Enjolras couldn’t quite read his expression. Stifled curiosity, maybe, or suspicion buried under polite neutrality.

“Hi, Leannan,” Mohammad offered a hand, “I’m Mohammad, I’ve heard so much about you.”

Leannan smiled pleasantly, shaking Mohammad’s hand.

“Nice to meet you.”

“I uh,” Mohammad smiled nervously, “I’m Shannon’s husband. And this is our little Lena. Say hi, Lena!”

He leaned down slightly so the baby could see Leannan, and she obediently flapped an arm.

“She’s named after you, actually,” Mohammad added.

Leannan’s smile was stiff as his eyes flicked from the baby, to Shannon, to Mohammad.

“You’re not an Iowan,” he said.

“No, I’m not,” Mohammad confirmed.

Leannan’s gaze circled the group again, faster this time.

“So how…?”

Enjolras could see the gears turning in his head. He’d been raised on the idea that Iowans weren’t human, that they could only procreate with each other – and now, he was trying to come up with an explanation for Lena that didn’t involve his sister being a cheater.

“Leannan,” Shannon reached across the table and took his hand, “They lied to us, in Iowa City. Father Ambrose lied to us. We’re not incompatible with humans. Because we’re not inhuman.”

“But then…” Leannan started, “But I…” he stopped, glancing back at Mohammad.

Enjolras stood, pushing her chair back.

“Leannan,” she said, “Let’s take a walk.”

~~~

The stone tiles of the observation point were damp with mist beneath their feet. Enjolras leaned against the sturdy metal railing, and Leannan did the same, watching her. The waterfall in front of them rumbled comfortingly. The lone ruin of a skyscraper across the river stood stark against the sky.

“Leannan,” Enjolras spoke for the first time since leaving the restaurant on the hill behind them, “Before they sold you, did they tell you that something was wrong with you. That something needed to be fixed, and you couldn’t ever tell anyone because it would ruin your value.”

Leannan was shaking his head before she even finished speaking.

“No, of course not,” he said, a little too quickly.

Enjolras sucked in a slow breath.

“I know they did. They got Owen, too. They weren’t fixing anything, Leannan, they performed something called a vasectomy. Do you know what that is?”

Leannan slowly shook his head.

“They sterilized you, Leannan,” Enjolras said gently, “You used to be able to have children, with anyone, human or Iowan, and they took that away from you.”

“That’s insane,” Leannan said, looking away from her out over the falls.

“Everyone younger than you and Owen – we rescued them before they could be sterilized, too,” Enjolras continued, “That’s how Shannon can have a baby with a non-Iowan. And, just think about it, Leannan,” she turned to face him, gesturing with her hands, “There are so few of you, how do you think they avoided inbreeding?”

“Our pairings were planned,” Leannan tried to argue, “God had a plan…”

“No, Leannan, Ambrose would let his priests…” Enjolras took a breath, unable to continue piling horrors upon Leannan. She changed course. “It’s true that you have a genetic mutation. Your blood is the color that it is, and you really are immune to most diseases and infections. But that doesn’t make you inhuman. The fallen angel is made up. The pain resilience is made up. You’re just as human as I am, Leannan. You were lied to. Not even that thing you wear around your neck is real, it’s the company’s logo, not a religious symbol.”

Leannan instinctively grabbed the gold pendant. A tiny five-pointed star with feathered wings.

“Company?” he echoed.

“ComLock Logistics,” Enjolras said, “They were trying to create supersoldiers, before the Fall. They figured out how to sequence resistance to disease, but nothing else – and decided they could make money a different way. When they saw the tide of religion moving across the continent, they adapted. Put on a show. The ‘nuns’ and ‘priests’ training you? ‘Father’ Ambrose? I doubt any of them truly believed in God. They were there to make a profit, and they did. They lived in unbelievable luxury.”

Leannan stared silently at the rushing water. Enjolras lifted a hand, about to touch his shoulder, but dropped it.

“I’ll just let you… think, for a while, okay?” She tilted her head, trying to catch his gaze. “Meet me back at the Longhouse common room when you’re ready?”

Leannan didn’t look at her.

“Okay.”

~~~

The roar of the falls was helpful. It drowned out Leannan’s thoughts – or at least made them slow down. Because he knew he needed to think through it, whether he liked it or not.

Everything Enjolras had said prior to this had turned out to be true. If she was right, it would explain Lena. It would explain his mysterious defect, the secret surgery.

But it would destroy so, so much more.

Iowans were made to do incredible things, things that humans shouldn’t. It would be horrifying for a human to be owned, to be used for sex their whole adult life. It would be cruel. Humans weren’t made to withstand that.

But if Iowans were human too, then…

Leannan pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, the rush of blood in his ears joining the thunder of the falls. A new thought crept in.

He’d always suspected he didn’t have the pain tolerance he was supposed to.

Everything hurt so much.

Everything had been so difficult.

He’d tried so hard, under the assumption that he had been made for this life. Under the assumption that he had been made to be hurt, to be fucked, to be owned.

If that assumption was wrong, then all of it had been wrong.

He had been wronged.

Hot tears welled up under his hands.

He’d always found comfort in the idea that he was a divine, holy being. All the dirty things done to him could never take that away, could never tarnish his spirit. But if he was human, that divinity was fake. Forged. If he was human, surely his spirit was in dirty shreds at this point.

None of this would have happened if he had just found a kind master and stayed with them.

(But if he had been human the whole time, that wouldn’t have been right either.)

He dropped to his knees with a sob, pressing his forehead to the metal bars of the railing.

“Is this real?” he asked tearfully, “Is she right?”

The angel that was Horseshoe Falls didn’t answer.

~~~

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[trenchgardens-ooc-ooc-ooc-ooc]

i think lime and fuchsia should be fully protected castes, and gold and jade should be a partially protected castes.

lime and fuchsia meaning theyrr universally culled but never uh. Removed From The Gene Pool, and gold and jade both having more leniency on being YKNOW NOT FUCKING STERILIZED since psionics are super fucking important for the empire and also way damaging to your health, and jades because there are like six total jades (/silly)- but because of their super low numbers and corresponding super important role. genetic diversity and all. so Jades and Fuchsias get the same reasoning, and Limes and Golds get the same reasoning (scawy psionics)

i imagine semi-protected castes also have some pretty notable decreased liberties. like beyond the job stuff youd expect like golds mostly having jobs either doing just. Stuff. or being in power production, and Jades being confined to the caverns and cavern accessories. Like some real Nazi Germany type shit where its illegal to do some stuff if youre a jade or psionic gold because it'd be like too dangerous a job for someone the empire deems valuable.

like a psi goldblood not being allowed to do jobs with high workplace accident rates because Eugenics Shit.

[staticintone]

“Open an orphanage if you want to torment children and infants, but leave the recovering mothers out of it.”

“At this rate, due to the monarchy’s persistent intimidation, the birth rate will likely drop even lower. People will be getting sterilized just to be left alone.”