#stupid animal puns

[geek-22]

[ultrabananapudding]

Farm!AU | Clarachel Edition

In which the Marines own a Farm and Rachel, the owner, develops a (very obvious) crush on the local Vet.

Bonus:

[cocksley-and-catapult]

c&c has genuinely changed my perspective on life for the better and thats kind of an odd thing to say but ive been thinking about it for months and its been weighing on my psyche

anyways if you had to choose to make cocksley and catapult into two different animals like the universe resets and its not about a cat and a bird anymore what two animals would you choose and why. bonus points if you have names for them in this recon reality

[akkivee]

i read a thought a while back that based on rhyme anima, the stupid jokes sasara randomly tells could actually be the punchline for a more elaborate joke since we see sasara use the maneki neko first as a bit to test the waters lol and then later again as he’s on stage doing a whole comedy show with it

so sasara’s been saying his jokes out of context is what they were getting at basically and lmao

[jacksquatjb]

I made this stupid cartoon when How to Train Your Dragon came out lol

[whiskykitteeeeee]

You really went for it. You maniac.

[nattousan]

A middle aged balding man with thick cokebottle glasses is sitting in a cafe looking over some paperwork. Next to him is a young lady in a tight dress and heels idly playing on her phone.

A harried looking man walks up to the older gentleman and presents him with a gift basket. "Are you M. Beckett? Thanks for meeting me here, I wanted to give you this for helping our accounting department through that audit, we couldn't have gone through all those accounts without you!"

The older man smiles warmly at him. "Oh this is lovely! But I have to refuse, as that job was done by my partner here." He gestures to the young lady who also smiles and hands him her business card, pink and perfumed. "Oh! Pardon me for assuming!" Stammers the man.

"Oh, it's quite alright, I'd love to take it but it's the thot that counts."

[sharkieboi]

watching disney robin hood while i do chores and i mean hey it’s been a while since i’ve seen it but i just realized that it’s very heavily implied in the first 15 minutes that Robin Hood fucked Prince John in order to steal from his coach

[queenlatifas-blog]

We should get cows to watch a movie and see how much they fart or something to show how much they like it and you can get an Overall Moovie Rating

[playingonedchess]

steaktake more like misteak

[cinema-hallucinations]

Prompt: create a movie concept for the story of the boy who cried wolf as a comedy-drama, but from the point of view of the wolf, who wishes to become domesticated.

Title: The Wolf Who Cried

Tagline: He just wanted to be a good boy.

Logline: Tired of the wild life, a gentle wolf named Wolfgang dreams of becoming a domesticated pet. His attempts to win over a shepherd boy and his family lead to a hilarious chain of misunderstandings and a heartwarming tale of acceptance and finding your pack.

Characters:

Wolfgang: (Voice of a charming and witty actor like Benedict Cumberbatch) A gentle wolf with big dreams of becoming a house pet. He's quite clumsy and often misreads social cues, leading to comedic situations.

Finn: (Voice of a young, energetic child actor) A naive and kind-hearted shepherd boy who enjoys the thrill of excitement.

Martha: (Voice of a warm and down-to-earth actress) Finn's practical mother who doesn't trust wolves.

Gronk: (Voice of a deep and booming actor) Wolfgang's gruff but secretly supportive alpha wolf brother.

Plot:

Wolfgang is tired of the harsh realities of pack life. He dreams of a warm fire, a belly full of kibble, and someone to scratch behind his ears. Inspired by a story about a pampered Pomeranian, he sets his sights on the nearby farm and Finn, the young shepherd boy, as his potential human.

Wolfgang's attempts at domestication are met with hilarity and misunderstanding. His attempts to "herd" the sheep lead to chaos, his gentle offerings of berries are mistaken for attacks, and his frustrated howls are interpreted as ferocious threats. Each misunderstanding leads to Finn crying wolf, causing the villagers to panic and Wolfgang to lose hope.

Dejected and heartbroken, Wolfgang breaks down in tears – not howls, but genuine tears of sadness (the "crying" moment of the title). This unexpected display of emotion is witnessed by Finn, who realizes Wolfgang is different from the ferocious beasts he's been taught to fear.

Finn starts to understand Wolfgang's intentions and sees his gentle nature. He begins sneaking Wolfgang scraps from the kitchen and secretly teaches him tricks. A bond starts to form.

Martha, initially suspicious, witnesses their growing friendship and sees how Wolfgang protects the sheep from a real coyote attack. She starts to see him as a protector rather than a predator.

The climax involves a final misunderstanding where Wolfgang, trying to alert Finn to Gronk's (his brother) approaching pack searching for him, accidentally sets off a series of events that leads the villagers to believe there's a wolf attack.

In the end, it's Finn who steps up, defending Wolfgang and using Wolfgang's "tricks" to show the villagers how well-trained he is. Wolfgang, finally accepted, becomes a beloved member of the farm family, proving that even a wolf can dream of domestic bliss.

Themes:

Looking beyond stereotypes and judging individuals by their actions.

The importance of communication and understanding.

Finding your pack, even in unexpected places.

Redefining family and the value of kindness.

Humor:

The clash of Wolfgang's clumsy attempts at domesticity with the reality of farm life.

The misunderstandings created by Wolfgang's attempts to please the humans.

The contrast between Wolfgang's gentle nature and his fearsome wolf appearance.

[werspinna]

In Wolfs World there is no "Magic" or supernatural elements: All of those elements are explained by Asgardian technology and people tampering with that technology. So how does Nikolaus of Colognes Story fits into it? The Original Myth of Nikolaus is like the Herrmann Mythos probably a historic happening (The peregrinatio puerorum) that had been caused by a lot of different people, yet those people had been molten into one character. Like Herrmann of the Cheruski was probably not one figure but many who lived through the Varusbattle and were molten together in one character (for propaganda reasons by the Nazis and) to make the historic event more epic and easier to remember. Accordingly there had never been one Nikolaus of Cologne, but many living through the peregrinatio puerorum. Its even more obvious for the peregrinatio puerorum, because there were two: The german one lead by Nikolaus of Cologne and the one of france lead by Stephen Ethienne of Cloyes, so there were probably molten together a lot of different people in these two boys together with a lot of different groups of people making a pilgimages on different times to Jerusalem to "take is back peacefully". The mythos of Nikolaus of Cologne is like this: Nikolaus is a young sheperd living in the area around Cologne (Area of Nordrhein Westphalen). One day he has a dream about an Angel telling him that he should gather other children who shall march to Jerusalem and peacefully take over Jerusalem. So Nikolaus takes on the Tau-cross as his symbol, sews it on is clothes, gathers other children (although historically the pueri were probably teenagers who couldn´t find work and even more often beggers, because Pueri does not directly translates to "children" but "servant" /"Farmhand") and shortly after eastern of 1212 he embrakes on the Journey to Genua in Italy where the Angel said the ocean should sepperate before him so he and his followers would travel through the mediterrane sea with dry feet. This miracle never happned, from 30.000 followers 7000 of Nikolaus followers reached Genua. The others died crossing the alps, others half was sold into slavery as they were in a foreign land without any family and easy victims. Nikolaus travels to Rome to be freed of his not even by the pope blessed crusader-duty. Then he travels back to Cologne and dies while crossing the alps. Back in Germany Nikolaus Father is hunted down and hanged by the families of the other members of the peregrinatio puerorum for killing their chidren. None of the Pueri ever reachs Jerusalem.

So how can this story fits into the "only sci-fi technology"-part of Wolfs story? In Wolfs story there is most prominently the "Signal" a distress call from a Asgardian who had crashlanded a few thausand years ago in italy and whos ship is buried under the earth. The signal can not be caught by Baldur, but it causes the people in Pisa and the area around it to always "seek out" , "move forward" and "help". Which obviously, depending on the person, can be interpreted in many different ways. Nikolaus himself is the son of a sheperd and a forestwoman: In other words a asgardian woman visited earth for a few hundres years, had a vacation in the forests around Cologne, met Nikolaus father, had a child and eventually left when she was too bored after a vacation of a few hundred years. Nikolaus therefor is especially "keen" to hearing the signal even if the source of that signal was countries away. However Nikolaus is also a child of his time, so he interprets the signal to "seek out", "move forward" and "help" as a message given to him by the angels he believes in. So his "visions" and the "calling" he feels did happned, but they were definitive not godly or devine. This "calling" also continutes in his adult years,aes the Nikolaus of Wolfs story survives. In his case he finds shelter in a cloister in rome to become a monk and even renames himself Martin because St.Martin is the personification of a good monk and he wants to be that. But he can´t let go of his "calling". In the coming ten years he starts thinking that the reason the miracle of Genua did not happned was because his followers were not pure enough and had sinned and that if he makes sure that those followers are nolonger there, if he "puts it back on zero", then the miracle would eventually happen. So he becomes this worlds mysterio and tries to murder every of the few left followers to "set everyhing on zero". Fourteen years later, by the time Wolfs regular story happens, Nikolaus/ Martin had already been hunting down his former surviving followers who had managed to build up themself a life in countries that they had been stranded in, for four years in different cities set around the mediterrane sea.

[tealgoat]

Siffrin- Secret Quest

Writing from @felikatze !!

She tries to ruffle their hair. He flinches.

(They're looking at you like a wild animal. Eye wide, breathing heavy, gaze fixed on your hand like you're about to slap them with it. Stupid. Stupid. YOU were the one who told everyone not to touch Siffrin in the first place! YOU'RE the one who had to explain to Bonnie, sometimes people are not very nice to each other, sometimes people have scars you can't see, and sometimes you need to avoid something as natural as touch, just to be nice.

You're not nice by nature. It takes effort to sand your own edges.)

"...Madame?"

(His voice is small. Siffrin is so small and slight, compared to you. You're not blind. They don't eat enough.)

(You try not to think about why.)

[time skips back.]

(Siffrin makes that stupid pun again. You force yourself to snort, and leave your hands on your lap.)

Addition from @the-bitter-ocean !!

`[You got MEMORY of TOUCH. You will always remember this.]

< Keep your hands to yourself. Its basic common sense isn’t it? [-50 to all stats.] > `

[whiskykitteeeeee]

If you don't take a joke too far, did you take the joke anywhere? Based on true events.

[toruandmidori]

We have a great range of stupid, groansomely funny pun stickers available to buy online now in our Redbubble store. 

Available in a range of styles and sizes. 

Check them out online now, links below: 

Slashund

Camembear

Daffodile

Duxedo

[jals-stuff]

Some Rayne brainrot...

this is some stupid (and a bit horny??? no? yes? i don't know) stuff that went through my mind last night

MDNI PLEASE! this spawned in my head, no context

warnings: female reader, rayne is ooc and pervy, he is staring, dubcon (bit steamy at the end), bit of swearing, bit of horniness, mentions of boobies and peen...

i am very sorry, i wrote this with 0 hours of sleep. barely proofread. enjoy

Rayne Ames. The Divine Visionary, the Sword Cane.

If you watch animal documentaries, you are probably aware that cheetahs can stay in the same position for up to sixteen hours without moving at all…

Well, it so happens that Rayne’s facial expression is like a cheetah. He somehow always looks like you’ve told him a really bad pun, and he’s judging you for it (not funny, did not laugh). He probably even has this face on while he sleeps, eats, showers, and probably even while he decides to please himself. 

And yet, despite looking annoyed every second of the day, despite looking like the unfriendliest guy in the whole Academy, he looks absolutely stunning. Anyone would agree that Rayne Ames is a feast on the eyes. And you, as his seatmate in class, aren’t one to deny this.

.....................................................................

It was your last class hour for today and you couldn’t wait to go back to your dorm room and rot in bed like the absolute lazybone you were. Changing out of your uniform was now an emergency, as the shirt you had picked today was somehow way too tight for you.

Being clueless with basic things such as laundry had its pros and cons. Sure, your clothes were smaller now and you could barely fit; but it made you look incredibly sexy! …or so you kept telling yourself. Maybe you were just trying to cope with the fact that you were incredibly bad at basic human tasks.

You made your way to the classroom and got your notebook out. 

Today’s subject was pure theory, and you would’ve fallen asleep if you didn’t have the most scrumptious distraction sitting right next to you. You spent the hour doodling, taking notes whenever you paid enough attention to do so, and mostly throwing quick glances at your seatmate, Rayne, who was way too focused on the soporific theoretical experiments your elderly professor was passionately explaining, to pay attention to you.

When the old man turned around to write something on the blackboard, Rayne finally turned a fraction of his attention towards you. Of course, this happened during the minuscule amount of time you weren’t looking at him, and he took notice of a few things.

First of all, your notes were an absolute mess. Instead of trying to keep them consistent, you had picked a few words the teacher said, and chose to throw them into an adventure with other words, picked at different moments during class, resulting in an abomination that wouldn’t make sense, even to you. But you wouldn’t know, of course, since you never read your notes anyway. 

He would give you bonus points for the adorable little bunnies you had been doodling for the majority of your time in class, though.

Secondly, you seemed like you were about to sleep, but given the way you were taking notes, everything sort of made sense. Not your notes though, only the fact that you weren’t invested enough to stay awake.

Third of all, your shirt. He wished his eyes hadn’t lingered for such a long time on it. Why was it so tight? “Is she so dumb she can’t even do laundry?”, he wondered to distract himself from the fact that the button that kept your shirt closed around the chest area had the strength of a thousand lions. 

His eyes moved back to your face, and at this very moment, you chose to look at him. Your eyes met, and his expression was, as always, unreadable. Was he bored? Upset? Annoyed? At this point you were pretty sure he didn’t know any better. But it seemed a bit different this time, you could’ve sworn you saw his lower lid twitching slightly. 

You decided to turn your attention back to the teacher— or at least pretend to, for a while, and it lasted for a whopping fifty seconds. Efforts had been made! You deemed yourself deserving of a little treat, and an attempt was made to look at Rayne once again.

His eyes were still on you. Now it really felt like he was upset. You were used to his icy glare but it was getting a little uncomfortable, and so, as one does, you had a great shitty idea. You decided that stretching your back could maybe help you release some of this discomfort, and your button, may it rest in peace, gave up on its sole task of keeping your shirt closed. 

You couldn’t tell where it went at all. In fact, you didn’t even notice, but you did feel a little more comfortable now that your chest area was no longer being compressed, except it was in a literal meaning now, and not just figuratively speaking. You could still feel Rayne’s eyes on you, and decided that you wouldn’t look at him for the rest of this oh so boring class.

What you hadn’t noticed was that his eyes were no longer on your face, but rather on the missing button’s previous spot. “Is she so dumb she can’t take care of her clothing?”, he wondered to distract himself from the fact that he could now clearly see your bra. 

He could see that one mesmerising spot where your breasts were pushing in a wondrous effort to get out of their insufferable lace prison. In fact, pretty much anyone could’ve seen it if they had turned around, but it seemed this professor was either hypnotic or soporific because everyone was staring in his direction. 

You were then blissfully unaware of the fact that Rayne was now leading an internal battle. He had to get his eyes off of your cleavage, for your breasts were not the only things screaming for freedom anymore. Ah, perhaps Rayne was also bad at laundry, because his pants felt increasingly tight the longer he stared at you.

Divine Visionary or not, he was but a man, and what power does a man hold when presented with sweet bosoms? None. That’s right. He tried to think about anything else. Rabbits? His little brother, Finn? The concerning relationship Lance had with his little sister? The way alcoholism thrived amongst the ranks of the State police? No matter what went through his head, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

He had to do something about it, and you were probably not escaping this one.

.....................................................................

As soon as the bell rang, he closed his coat as much as he could, and grabbed your arm before you could leave, and this time you could tell he was pretty upset. Why? How could you know? You didn’t know anything. Had your head not been attached to your shoulders, you would’ve probably lost it already. 

Instead of giving you any sort of explanation, he immediately dragged you with him. Your life felt like a movie that was playing in front of your eyes. My time has come, you thought, but… not quite.

You found yourself in Rayne’s dorm room, locked in with him. His roommate wasn’t there, and it was clear this crime would leave no witnesses. 

It took him half a second to remove his coat and— oh. You were suddenly in Egypt.

Everything was there: the stone hard pyramid, the Sphinx (that seemed ready to pounce on you), and the heat. Oh boy, the heat. As a very refined lady (yes you are), you brought your hand to your chest in indignation, and oh, how distraught you felt when you realised that your beloved chest button was nowhere to be seen. It was all starting to make sense.

Without a word, he pushed you against the wall and his lips met yours in a rough, steamy kiss. Your whole body felt like it was on fire; his toned chest was pressing against yours and breaking your buttons further, his clothed erection was slightly rubbing against your clit through your panties and his hands roamed your body hungrily while his tongue left no corner of your mouth unexplored.

It was all a lot to take in but it felt so intoxicating, the way his large hands held onto your hips to keep you from squirming too much underneath his passionate touch, and how his teeth were grazing against your lips while a mixture of both your salivas dripped from the corner of your mouth. 

His body was grinding against yours like waves on the beach, and both your breathings were becoming increasingly noisy. Only after long, delicious minutes of this make-out session did he break the kiss, panting for air, as he looked into your eyes with a lustful gaze you were now used to seeing.

It wasn't your first time pushing his buttons like this, and it certainly wasn't your last.

“You did it on purpose, admit it.”

Whaaat, you? Pfffft, never! But… let’s just say you’re not usually that bad at doing your laundry.

.....................................................................

smol reminder that i am very bored and i also take requests for mashle, hsr, genshin, jjk, elsword, tower of fantasy...

xoxo