#suicide in flat

[menace-bitch]

miu miu satin ballet flats

[carsthatnevermadeitetc]

Waibel sport cabriolet, 1948. Built by Swiss coachbuilder Hans Waibel this car is sometimes referred to as a Porsche prototype because it is fitted with a Porsche 1500N engine. Built on a crashed VW Beetle chassis, the original owner was a Porsche sales manager from Zurich. In the mid 70's it was exported to the US since when it has passed through many owners

[s0fter-sin]

punk!soap metalhead!ghost brain blast!!!

ghost trying so hard to get soap out of the bad parts of the scene bc he's starting to get pulled in by the shadows, a group of wannabe anarchists that stand for nothing except themselves, but soap loses his shit; laying into ghost for daring to try and "save" him

no one's ever been there for him when he needed them; no one ever offered him support or a soft place to land, why the hell would he want ghost's help when he's perfectly fine on his own? (when he’s always had to be?)

"you think i can't make my own decisions? well fuck you, ghost, who needs a washed up piece o’ shite like you!"

he doesn’t talk to ghost for days, doesn’t let himself acknowledge the hole he’s left behind until he's getting pissed with the shadows one night in an abandoned house and graves starts waving around the gun he snuck through customs and it accidentally goes off, grazing soap's temple

he's never heard anything so loud, even at all the shows he’s attended and there’s so much blood; it's getting in his eyes, running down his neck and soaking into his clothes and he’s frozen. graves and all his shadows bolt after hearing the gunshot, worried about cops finding them and they leave him there; staring at the growing puddle at his feet

soap's panicking; half-blind, blistering pain lighting up his head and he can't think about anything beyond how much he wants ghost

ghost's been sulking at his flat since soap blew him off; pissed at soap for going off on him when he just wants to help but still worried about the punk. he doesn’t want him going down the same road as him; doesn’t want him to repeat his mistakes when he could save himself so much suffering and he almost doesn't answer his phone when it buzzes on the couch

he lets out a ragged sigh as he picks it up; raking a hand over his shaved head when he sees the bubble emoji and contemplates letting it ring out. contemplates answering with a growl; something a younger, crueler version of him would spit. in the end, he decides on silence and puts the phone to his ear just before it can stop ringing

he almost breaks it when he hears soap choke out, "i've been shot."

he's out the door in a heartbeat, running down the stairs because the lift is too slow; trying to get more information out of him but he can't get anything out beyond a repeated, "i've been shot."

he breaks every law there is as he speeds to soap's location; visions of his cold, bloodless corpse staining his mind's eye. the only thing keeping him calm are the strangled breaths from the other end of the line; he's not dead, he can work with not dead, this isn't tommy, soap won't end up like tommy-

ghost screeches to a halt outside a random alley and throws himself from the car when he sees soap collapsed against a garbage bin. he's covered in blood, soaked, just like that night, it's everywhere and he's not moving, he's not moving-

“johnny!”

he skids to his knees and fits his hand under his chin to check his pulse… but his heart beats strong under his fingertips and soap's eyes flutter open; flooded with blood but conscious and alive

the second he registers ghost in front of him, he’s reaching out for him; babbling apologies over and over, "you were right, i'm sorry ghost, i should've listened; i'm sorry, i'm so sorry."

ghost just gently hushes him, cupping his face heedless of the blood. "that doesn't matter now, johnny. we're gonna get you all fixed up, yeah?"

soap’s hands fist in his shirt, clinging to him. "i got shot, ghost," he says again; lost and smaller than he's ever heard from his punk and it's been years since he's felt this kind of rage but he doesn't let a drop of it touch his voice

“i know, lad. i know. gonna let me take a look at it? make it right?"

soap finally nods, his stuttering apologies coming to a halt and ghost runs back to his car to get a towel. he presses it to soap's skin, trying to soak up as much as he can so he can get a proper look; cooing assurances as soap absently hisses in pain the closer he gets to it

it's only a graze and something in his chest unravels; old fears and grief settling as the shallow wound continues to gush into the towel

ghost slumps, pressing his forehead into the top of soap's head and takes a second to just breathe. “‘s’alright, johnny; it’s not even that bad, not even that bad,” he promises, low; spoken more to himself than soap

his hand starts to grow damp and he forces himself to his feet, gathering up soap and getting him into his car. he puts the towel in his hand and presses it against the wound, trying to coax him through his shock to put pressure on it so he can drive

soap curls up in the passenger seat; eyes distant, seeing nothing and ghost has to tighten his grip on the steering wheel so he doesn't turn around

soap is the priority

he has to get him home; has to get him cleaned up and safe

then he can go hunting for the gutless shadow that hurt his punk

[dollyswan]

[dailydccomics]

Absolute Power: Origins #2 cover by Mateus Manhanini

[utilitycaster]

(this is tagged for it as well, but putting it here: the below involves some non-graphic mention/discussion of suicide in relation to episode 3x78)

I think it's important to keep in mind, regarding the most recent episode, that while Ashton's behavior was extremely dangerous and reckless, it was not suicidal in intent. Ashton thought it would work. They thought that they would fix things, and they ignored all the smart people warning them against it because it would imply a lot of negative things about their parents. That doesn't mean it wasn't an action taken out of a certain lack of self-regard (Ashton's realization of this is what drives much of his conversations in the first half of the episode); but it's much more akin to an accidental overdose, or a drunk/reckless driving, or other dangerous choices. It feels very true to the idea of punk that Taliesin is going for, in which dying young is always very much a possibility, even perhaps an expectation; but not necessarily a goal. Ashton did not expect taking the shard to result in their death, and is incredibly shaken specifically because it did.

With that in mind I think the party's reactions seem very real and very understandable. The fact is, when someone does something very risky and nearly dies (or even is briefly clinically dead, using real-world terms) but ultimately survives it's extremely normal for one of the emotional responses to be anger that they put themselves in such danger. It is not, perhaps, rational, but most emotions aren't. It hurts a lot when someone one is close to does something that harmful to themselves. I don't judge the other members of Bells Hells for expressing those feelings. Frankly, them not expressing similar feelings in the past might very well be why Ashton made the decisions he did: the party lacking trust and walking on eggshells around each other is why he didn't confide in them, and why they fell apart so completely here.

I think it's relevant that Chetney tells Fearne, after stating he likes Ashton, that either she or Ashton can talk to him if they "want out", and he pretty heavily implies that this indicates not just leaving Bells Hells, but suicide, and that he has considered the latter in the past. It's clear that initially Chetney considers that a possible reason for Ashton's actions. He then gives Ashton the "You should leave" speech only after everyone present has been talking at dinner, after Ashton has indicated that he will help find Laudna. It only comes out after Ashton's emotional state is made more clear to him: it's pretty bad, but not actively at risk of self-harm (and indeed, desperately trying to avoid it and to change).

Finally, it's worth considering how important anger is to Ashton. Obviously I don't think having Imogen, FCG, and Chetney yell at them feels good. I also think it's going to feel better than apathy, and more honest than any other option. I don't think a forced gentleness would be better; in fact it might be worse, with them taking a break because clearly Ashton is having a hard time and needs to recover (shades of how Marisha mentioned Laudna feeling like a burden following her resurrection), rather than "we are clearly all in disarray and all have been not dealing with a lot of emotions, and this could have been any of us, and we should all regroup." I mentioned before that ultimately what's important is, angry as they are, Bells Hells undeniably stayed, and FCG and Imogen at least made it clear early on that they would, even if they were angry. Ashton was abandoned in the past by people who weren't even angry, is the thing. I don't think they cared enough to be.

[boatemboys]

uuuhhghhh that picky eater post is making me think about stuff again. no making me sit at the table for hours until i finished didnt make me not picky it just made me want to kill myself over eating

[fakeoutbf]

five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety

[mokutone]

your art makes me wanna start testosterone

i can't read tone well, so this is either an incredibly touching ask, or an extremely funny one, and in the absence of confirmation: both!

i'm in a chatty mood, so i'll share some thoughts about testosterone and my art.

i liked being on testosterone a lot. i had an IM injection every two weeks (on tuesdays!) and because that's a sizeable dose every 14 days that slowly disperses, it can cause some mood fluctuations (every other friday i would have a crisis about not feeling like the world had a place for me in it) but even those were far more manageable than the ones that would come with my previous and current monthly hormone cycle (every month i spend a solid week thinking the world will never have a place for me in it)

It gave me a patchy little bit of scruff on my chin and a whispy mustache under my nose that still struggles on, despite adversity!

It redistributed my fat a little bit, but that's long since gone back to pre-T shape.

it lowered my voice! that hasn't changed :^)! even if i never go back on t, that won't change. it was the thing i most wanted, and its the one i'm most grateful for. Pre-T, I didn't speak much. I'm getting better and better at talking and getting more and more comfortable communicating with people because of it.

having been off t now for 3 years, i don't pass anymore—not as a cis man, or a cis woman, certainly not as anything approximating straight. if people look at me and see anything, i'd hazard a guess that they see me as A Queer (the noun—for all it's complicated connotations).

i'm not surprised that my art might make somebody want to start testosterone! a lot of my art was made out of the aching grief that came with being kicked off of testosterone, and how neatly that loss of autonomy over my own body knits in with yamato's loss of autonomy over his own.

how my body started doing things i disliked, how i didn't have the support necessary to access the healthcare i needed—how my inability to give myself what i needed made me feel as though i were trapped inside of myself and abandoned (by both myself and the world at large)

when i write comics about yamato as a trans man, i don't take away his testosterone, because that hits a little too close to home for me. for Ninja War Town Reasons, he has plenty of access to all the HRT he could ever need and nobody questions his need for it—instead, i project my own horrors onto the way Danzō defined his identity for him as a child, the way that Kabuto and Obito dehumanize him as an adult in their war efforts, and reduce him to the thing his body holds (the Mokuton). I give him a kneejerk compulsion to dehumanize himself (out of a feeling that he has a duty to his community to do so) and I give him a slow-growing resistance to that impulse (which comes out of a feeling that the people he loves would frown upon seeing him reduce himself like that)

it's dysphoria! it's not gender dysphoria, but it's a loss of self, and a need to reclaim it. it's a war between the hollow shell of a thing he thinks he has to be, and the vibrant and messy person beneath it that he is. it's a desperate need to say "this is who i am—only i can say it"

I enjoyed HRT a lot. it was a really useful tool in helping me feel like my body was my own, that i didn't have to fight it, that we were the same entity. It's not the only tool, but it was a really good one, and one day I hope to use it again.

(as for the being off of it—it's unpleasant, but i'm enduring! being somebody who now doesn't really pass as anything has put me in a weird and interesting position, where I'm constantly having to declare myself to people, because nobody knows what to make of me on any front. they don't know if i'm a man, a woman, nonbinary, nor even what age i am (Augh!!!!) it forces me to be brave and vulnerable more than I'm comfortable with—if I tell somebody I'm a man, there's no way that they will believe I'm cis, but I'm not about to recloset myself—and I don't think I could at this point anyway.)

(there's something fascinating about the position i find myself in, and while i'd leap back on t the moment that an opportunity presented itself to do so, i do feel like i'm experiencing something interesting and important in this weird zone i find myself in)

[niperiodic]

Folding Ideas: My Personal Favorites

Sometime last year I saw The Future is a Dead Mall for the first time, and as my first video from Dan Olson I can't say I was particularly hooked. Part of that was because the next few videos recommended to me were Line Goes Up, and Jamie Oliver's War on Chicken Nuggets which are really long and I don't really care about respectively. However, having gotten really into his videos recently I kind of just wanted to post something about it, so here's my list of my favorite 8 videos of his.

I Don't Know James Rolfe

It's just, so damn good. The framing of a retrospective on Dan life and career as a pseudo-takedown video on someone he claims to share some kinship with combined with a performed midlife crisis. Just absolutely brilliant. As far as particular draws for this video: the shot were Dan gets really angry at the camera while talking about how hard it is, while sitting underneath a projection of James is easily my favorite thing Dan has ever made.

2) This is Financial Advice

A thorough autopsy of the Gamestop squeeze and the followers of the meme stock movement with a few of my favorite gags of Dan's, also my favorite character of his (I'm new here). While a far more thorough video than Jauwn's video on Kais Maalej when it comes to the big picture both are very solid videos in their own right.

3) In Search of a Flat Earth

To be completely honest this is not a great Flat Earth video. It's good and it has quite a few incredible parts but I don't think it's as good as Hbomberguy's or Philosophy Tube's and especially not Professor Dave's. However, this is the single best video I've seen on Qanon. Also the descriptor Esoteric Fictionalism is really good

4)The Future is a Dead Mall

Of his 2 videos on defi I think this is the stronger of Dan's, and I think that's for a few reasons. Namely because he's able to attack the idea of the Metaverse more directly than he's able to attack anything during Line Goes Up, but maybe I just don't remember it as well.

5) Line Goes Up

NFT's are really fascinating and Dan does a really good job of covering them, it's just there's a few other youtubers who also make great videos on NFT's and crypto as their main focus, namely Jauwn and Coffeezilla.

6)The Art of Editing and Suicide Squad

A really good video on a pretty bad movie. It covers a lot of the problems in the movie and how despite several of them being caused by studio overreach it just wasn't going to be a particularly good movie. Also El Diablo is far and away the best character in the movie .

7)The Darkmoon Fiasco

Short sweet to the point.

8)Contrepreneurs: The Mikkelsen Twins

Dan writes a book about hypnosis. also he makes a whole video off of ads that just kind of annoyed him, he does the same thing for the Idris Elba Gold Doc which is also a great video but I think this one is the better of the 2.

[darlingofdots]

I could do an entire 2 hour video essay about how all throughout Victory of Eagles, Laurence's friends--Jane, Tharkay, Granby, Berkley, Harcourt, even Riley, even Edith--are trying to tell him look, you fucked up, and we'd rather you hadn't gotten yourself condemned, but we still love you. We still care about you. We are glad you are here with us. We will help you any way we can if you only let us. And Laurence hates them for it a little bit? He made his peace with being condemned and he wishes they'd just get on with it and hang him already, and he resents every occasion when somebody offers him hope because he has none and doesn't want any. In his own mind, he has betrayed everything he has ever stood for, everything he holds true and righteous in his heart, and he hates himself for that even though he knows absolutely that it was the right thing to do, and he cannot stand to see other people take it so lightly? He committed treason, he gave aid and comfort to the enemy, he did so knowing that it would endanger his comrades and loved ones, and at this point he is not questioning the core tenets of the service yet! He is only questioning himself, and wondering when the rot set in at his own convictions and honour and obedience. He is not asking 'why does my country ask unconscionable things of me', he is asking 'when did I start thinking I had a right to question my superiors'. It's awful! He has been in service for over twenty years, since he was twelve. His father may disapprove of his going to sea but he is part of that exact same system of discipline and obedience, this is literally all Laurence has ever known. And he has absolutely no idea how to cope with the idea of not being (in his mind) rightfully put to death for his transgression, because he cannot fathom living with the knowledge that he is a traitor not just of his country but of everything he has ever stood for and tried to instill in his officers. He'd much rather just die already.

[spider-man-2o99]

ok so apparently i can just never articulate my Deep Thoughts on purpose and can only do it by accident whilst rambling in the notes of a bookmark where the veneer of anonymity feels like a false-protective coat to hide behind, or somesuch-something like that. idk. anyways. anyways. i don't like how fucking mean-spirited across the spider-verse as a film seemingly is for literally no reason at all other than just bcuz it Could Be. y/k.

[carsthatnevermadeitetc]

Panhard Dyna Z, 1954. Dyna Z featured an impressive array of unusual engineering choices. It was powered by an air-cooled flat twin engine driving the front wheels. Its bodywork was originally aluminium with steel tube subframes front and rear. The decision to use aluminium sheeting was taken at a time, after the Second World War, when a drop off in demand for fighter planes had left the producers with a glut of the metal, but in subsequent years the relative cost advantage of sheet steel increased steadily. Throughout its model life the use of aluminium was gradually reduced increasing the car's weight. However its combination of space, ride comfort, performance and fuel economy at a competitive price meant approximately 140,00 were sold before it was replaced in 1959..

[horrorlesbians]

here to say that hart should’ve died for cohle because he needed to be wiped from the earth anyway

originally they were both supposed to die in carcosa and their bodies would never be found. i like the uncharacteristically optimistic ending for rust, but it would be so fucking tragic for marty to die saving rust or dying because rust is unable to save him. not only does rust not get to die and return to everyone he ever loved, but he also gets to live with the guilt that he dragged marty back into his world only to kill him. haha yeas < sicko voice

[krispiecake]

I am officially an entire year free from suicide attempts

[caught-in-the-infinite]

Death and Rebirth in OFMD

Four characters have symbolically died and then been brought back to life in OFMD.

Stede performed a fuckery to fake his own death and is coming into his own as a captain. Lucius was killed and forced to suffer before returning to the Revenge a more cynical man. Izzy shot himself and is now taking responsibiltiy and initiating covnersations with Stede. Ed tried desperately to get someone else to kill him, and if that failed then the strom would take care of the rest. How he has been changed by dying remains to be seen.

Unfortunately I don't have an essay to follow this up. Only to notice the parallel between these four characters and perhaps note that Stede had the most control over his "death" and Lucius the least. Izzy choosing to shoot himself vs Ed choosing actions that would get someone else to shoot him. Will be looking to see how this works into their S2 characterisations.