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howtowhumpyourhiccup · 7 months

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"Why Wasn't I Enough?"

Summary: Written for AI-less Whumptober 2023 Day 19 instead of 13. Technically set before RttE. Hiccup Left Berk AU + Trans!Hiccup AU. The Dragon Master helped Berk end the Dragon Scourge, now they’re free to celebrate Dreadfall and Hiccup is free to think about the past.

Warning: /

Rating: General

Characters: Hiccup, Toothless, Astrid, Stormfly

Pairing: /

Words: 1 905

Fandom: How to Train Your Dragon

Prompt: Taken for granted, "Why wasn't I enough?"

Whumpee: Hiccup

Author’s Notes: Posting Day 19 because Day 13, while also written, takes place after this one. So I'll be posting Day 13 on the 15th because Day 15 is the second chapter to 13, which I'll be posting on the 19th. Confused yet? :')

Enjoy!

@ailesswhumptober

XOXOX

A celebration on Berk. Growing up, Hiccup can’t say he’s seen too many of them. With the threat of dragons looming over them and alliances between tribes shaky, there often didn’t seem any room for them. There was too little food, the weather was too harsh, the most recent raid left too much to rebuild, there were lives lost… and other such reasons. In short, there was no reason to celebrate anything.

Except maybe a birthday. Because someone surviving another year was always a good thing.

So to see the colorful decorations and lights now should leave Hiccup feeling warm. There are a lot of young children on Berk now, more than he's ever seen in his entire lifetime, it should be a joy to see them get to enjoy such festivities.

But… These thoughts can't seem to get him warm.

From the edge of the old kill ring, he watches the village. The glow of the lights and the sounds of music, singing, and laughter can be seen and heard from all the way up here. Hiccup sits with one leg dangling, the other a stump wrapped in bandages. Toothless lies half curled up around him. He watches the scenery as well.

The dragon warbles, wanting to know what they're celebrating.

"It's called Dreadfall, Bud," Hiccup says. "We're celebrating the harvest."

"We're," what a strange thing to say. He hasn't been on Berk since he left when he was 15. His 18th birthday is coming up. Though he wants to join so badly, he doesn't belong with them. He never did.

His stump is all bandaged up, his leg lost for them, but still he’s not one of them.

Though Toothless would like a more in-depth explanation on this harvest feast, he can tell the mood is a little melancholic and so decides to ask later. He puts his head in Hiccup's lap, giving him something to pet. That always seems to make him feel better.

It's silent then. After all this time together, few actual words need to be spoken between the two of them.

Wingbeats approach from above.

“There you are! I figured I would find the two of you here,” Astrid remarks as Stormfly lands nearby. She dismounts with ease and approaches, something held securely in her hands. The Nadder follows her and attempts to preen her. Hiccup is glad to see their bond- still so fresh- growing.

“You did, huh?” Hiccup asks, a welcome smile on his face.

“Well, not here specifically, but I didn’t even bother to drop by Gothi’s because I knew you wouldn’t be in bed,” Astrid takes one shoulder of his as she takes a seat on the ledge with him, Toothless moving his tail out of the way. It makes him glad to see her so comfortable around dragons nowadays.

“I think you know by now that I can’t sit still,” Hiccup responds and Toothless snorts. Oh, if only she knew how bad his rider is at sitting still.

“You can also not sit still in the village, you know? Where we’re in the middle of a party? You could have some actual food for once,” she tells him and hands him what she was holding. It’s been wrapped in cloth to keep it warm. Unwrapping it, he finds a small pie with custard filling.

“It’s a Berk special. I saw that the baker was making some and thought of you, I don’t think living amongst dragons means you can have a lot of pastries,” she explains.

“No, I usually just get fish thrown up in my lap if someone thinks I need extra food,” he states, to which she laughs. And yes, it’s funny now, but she has no idea how often it happens.

There’s a beat of silence as he simply listens to her laugh and enjoys having her near. There was once upon a time when he crushed on her. Hard. Are all of those feelings gone? He’s… not so sure.

“Do you think she’ll ever get to enjoy Dreadfall again?” Then a question comes that completely ruins the mood. At least for him. For him it’s a slap in the face, for her… Astrid is just nostalgic. Melancholic. Like he was minutes earlier.

“IIII… don’t know if she’s out there after all this time. I told you this before, Astrid. I promised that I would try to find her, not that I would,” Hiccup reminds her.

Though she tries not to let it show, he can see the slight change in her expression. Her smile falters, but it takes a trained eye to notice.

She’s talking about Hiccup. Hiccup their heiress, not Hiccup the Dragon Master.

Because she was a girl and he's a guy.

Pastry forgotten, he pets Toothless with a knit in his brow. The dragon's eyes are closed, but he knows he's listening in.

Astrid watches them from the corners of her eyes.

The Dragon Master is here because stories of his many exploits reached far and wide. They heard about how he could control dragons, make them do his bidding. And as Berk was desperate for an end to the Dragon Scourge before they’re annihilated, Astrid took her peers and went to find him. They implored him to help solve their predicament. How lucky they were to find out he already knew what was terrorizing them for three centuries. All he asked in return is that Berk accept and try to live with dragons.

He lost his leg killing the Red Death and thus the Dragon Riders were born. It’s still a relatively young endeavour, but Snotlout has already proclaimed himself the best dragon trainer Berk has ever seen.

Hiccup nearly lost his life saving their village, now he’s their hero, and they will make good on their promise to help him protect dragons.

And now he’s going to try and find their heir… Heiress. Because Stoick’s daughter disappeared one day when the poor girl was only 15, snatched away by a dragon as the rumors go. Just like her mother before her.

Seeing the Dragon Master live so harmoniously with the beasts who took her, there’s some newfound hope that she might still be alive even after all this time. Or that is certainly Stoick’s hope.

His hatred for dragons, it isn’t as deep as the love for his daughter.

Or so he’s been told.

“You should come down with me,” Astrid decides to strike up another conversation. “I think some time spent amongst humans could do you some good.”

“Oh, what’s that? Are we trying to civilize the feral dragon man, Astrid?” Hiccup asks her.

“Well, you could use some manners.”

“Right. Anything Snotlout can teach me?” He teases her back, her laugh causes his heart to flutter. Okay, maybe the feelings are still there.

It’s a shame that, too, will have to stay secret.

His smile falters at the thought, though he tries to force it to stay.

“In all honesty, I guess I’m hoping to make you stay,” after a beat of silence, Astrid admits. “Having you here seems to do our chief some good.”

Hiccup perks up as do Toothless’ earfins. “It does?”

Astrid nods, but doesn’t elaborate. That will be her mystery to hold.

What about him makes Stoick so happy that his people have started noticing? Are it his deeds? Or does he, perhaps, remind him of his lost child? Could it be the similarities in his face? The hair? The scrawny physique? Though he’s not as much scrawny anymore as he is lean. Compact.

Or is it really simply because his deeds have saved the village from being wiped out? Kept the lives of their young children from being snuffed out through raids, famine, or disease?

Maybe it was out of a need to test the waters, but he straight up gave them his name when they first asked. His real name, the one he kept. Astrid had looked at him, expression unreadable, and simply said "okay."

"Okay."

No sign of recognition. What a haircut, some bindings, and boy clothes don't do to a person.

Oh and rumors. Because of course, Stoick’s daughter- who couldn’t focus on household chores long enough before getting sidetracked by her crazy ideas- couldn't possibly do what he does. Though, every rumor speaks of a man, which is exactly how he prefers it, though it still stings.

Astrid and Ruffnut were taught to be warriors, meanwhile Hiccup was desperately taught how to be a wife. Not even how to be a chieftess. A wife. A mother. After all, someone had to protect her once Stoick couldn't anymore and that meant she had to be appealing to someone. It was appalling.

And apparently, there was a suitor on the horizon.

Sounds to him like their heir left in the nick of time.

Astrid rises to her feet, Hiccup and Toothless both watch her. “I’m rejoining the party, I still have to show Stormfly our chicken pies.”

The Nadder squawks excitedly behind her, her spines flex enthusiastically.

Hiccup huffs in amusement. Turns out, Stormfly adores chicken, it’s her favorite food! Her Rider should absolutely introduce her to this delicacy.

“You can get some as well if you plan on joining us,” Astrid tells him, hands on her hips.

“I’m familiar with chicken pies, I did live in a village at one point,” he reminds her. He told her a bit of his past after a bit of questioning. Some bits and pieces to keep it vague enough, he doesn’t want to be found out for who he really is.

Unfortunately- or fortunately depending on who you ask- the twins have spun a story about how his parents were killed when he was very young and the dragons raised him, which is how he got so good at bonding with them.

It’s only true in that the dragons do take good care of him, just like he and Toothless try to protect them. Particularly his inner circle, consisting of a Night Fury, a Deadly Nadder, a Monstrous Nightmare, a Gronckle, and a Hideous Zippleback. All released from the very kill ring behind them.

With one last smile, Astrid leaves them, mounting Stormfly before the two fly off.

Now finally left alone again, Hiccup’s smile disappears and Toothless warbles at him quizzically.

“I’m okay, Bud,” he assures him. It was a pleasant conversation, but for him, there’s a bit of an aftertaste. Everything on Berk gives him that aftertaste because everything reminds him of his past.

A past in which people didn’t like him or anything he did. When everyone else’s idea of giving him a bright future was to make him worthy to be married off and have children with. When no one could’ve ever thought the embarrassment of Berk could ever be the Dragon Master they ran to for help.

Upon first coming to Berk as his true self, he was surprised to find that Stoick’s daughter was missed as much as she was. All this talk about finding her, all this worrying, recounting the stories they have of her… Why did he have to disappear for people to stop taking his existence for granted?

His hands find his dragon again, who lifts his head again. They’re at eye-level.

"Why wasn't I enough, Bud?" He asks and Toothless purrs, nuzzling him. He throws an arm around him and holds him close, in need of his comfort.

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