#that line of pops have been slam dunks every time

[risingthroughthestars]

…I’ve been good at not buying pops lately…unless they’re a SW lady then they’re mine

[magicman111]

A Moth to a Flame - Chapter Two

One month later

Sasha joylessly toyed with the Music Box, opening its lid like a yawning mouth.

Who’d have thunk it? She wondered to herself. This tacky little thing could cause so much calamity?

How ludicrously out of place she looked curled up on King Andrias’ enormous throne, almost like the little girl playing pretend in the driver’s seat of her parents’ car. You’d be forgiven for not knowing she’d just led the swiftest, easiest toppling of a government in this world’s history.

Big blue dummy locked up? Check. The city’s army surrendered? Check. Their toad army less than an hour away? Check. Dimension-skipping Macguffin firmly in their position? Double Check.

Not a bad day’s work for a 13-year-old.

Marcy’s oversized sparrow was tethered to the armrest by his leg. A prize she’d taken for herself so she could cruise around her new kingdom in style. She saw to it he wasn’t under any duress, and the fact he was neck deep in an industrial sized bag of bird feed told her he was plenty comfortable.

Sasha managed a tiny smile as she reached out to run her fingers through the thickness of his coat. She dunked her hand in the bag and offered him an open palm of seeds; he eyed for a moment or two before gingerly pecking at the mound.

Thank Frog no one was around to hear the ‘d’aww’ escape her lips.

Her grandmother was the one she had to thank for her secret admiration of birds. Old lady had been a birdwatcher who ‘treated’ her to regular weekend trips into the forest when she was younger. This was long before her discovery of malls and arcades. Sasha wouldn’t dare admit it to even herself back then, but the ones they spotted together on those dewy spring mornings were beautiful to behold in their natural habitat.

Herons may now be forever ruined for her, but Joe—she thought that was his name—was a mighty impressive specimen. Poor guy somehow found the strength to carry all seven of them to Newtopia, only to nosedive into the moat at the end of the flight.

Definitely had nothing to do with her asking Marcy if she could take the reins in the last stretch. She and Anne were kind enough not to draw attention to it, same as they did the day at summer camp when they discovered her crying into her pillow. They were awesome enough to go along with her story that it was only allergies. She knew she had a true pair of girlfriends that morning.

Thinking about them only soured her mood afresh. She sprinkled the rest of the feed back into the bag and slumped against the backrest, arms petulantly crossed.

Here she was in the crowning moment of her young life and she couldn’t have been more miserable.

Maybe because her friends should have been here to share in this, but no, they had to go and act all noble. What else should she have expected? She always was the only one in the group with the guts. Anne had to be dragged kicking and screaming to ditch school and join her and Marcy in celebrating her birthday. Was it any wonder she had to keep taking control of the situation?

More likely... it was because deep down she knew she didn’t really want this. She certainly believed she did after they dropped that gloryhound newt general down a waterfall and when they successfully rallied the Toad Lords after retrieving Barrel’s Warhammer. Things only started getting complicated when they needed free tickets into Newtopia in the form of her friends.

She hadn’t counted on realising just how much she missed her clumsy, klutzy Marcy. Neither how effectively she and Anne were still able to work together as a team in spite of all the unpleasantness that had transpired between them during their time here, of which there was plenty. The fact that Anne actively encouraged her in taking down that molten toad monster was the rancid cherry atop the sludge sundae. For a while back there, it looked like they might really turn a corner and start afresh. All three of them could have gone home like none of this ever happened. Except by then it was already too late.

What recourse did she have when the Plantars invited them for the world’s most awkward dinner party or when they brought the house down at the Battle of the Bands? Tell Grime and all the toads who’d invested their manpower and futures in her that sorry, she was getting cold feet? There was only one grizzly way that would end both for her and Grime and the best scenario she could imagine involved heads on pikes.

... It didn’t matter anymore. Her friends had picked their path, she’d picked hers. As her mom always said, ‘You make your bed, you lie in it’. Funny how in her short life, she’d heard that line far too many times already.

Once she figured out how the Box worked, she’d send both Anne and Marcy on their merry way and they’d never have to see each other ever again.

Everyone would get what they want.

Good thing then she’d sent her soldiers to ransack Marcy’s room for all her research about Anne’s fateful birthday gift. Girl was a pack rat. She kept notes for every exam and project they were assigned back home. The less said about her laptop jammed with files of anime fanfiction and theories the better.

Plus, it was a good way to try and distract herself.

They came back into the throne room hauling burlap sacks full of parchments and emptied their contents at Sasha’s feet.

Daaang, girl, you've been in the zone.

She scattered them over her lap and the ample free space on the seat. They actually weren’t that hard to follow; colour coordinated with plenty of cutesy kawaii diagrams. Trademark Marbles.

Apparently, it worked a lot like those puzzle boxes Marcy got as gifts from relatives in Hong Kong. All it took was knowing the right sequence of buttons and zip! You can go wherever you want in the cosmos. Just a matter of finding the code for Earth.

‘I’m done listening to you!

I’m done trusting you!’

Sasha scowled, trying to push the thoughts to the back of her mind where they belonged. She shuffled through a couple more pages until she found the one titled in glittery green and blue lettering, ‘HOME’.

Bingo.

‘You’re a horrible person!’

Ignore. Ignore.

Now all she had to do was jot it down on her palm and—

‘AND I AM DONE. BEING. FRIENDS WITH YOU!!’

She stopped. Her shoulders drooped. Then she just threw the page down on the floor and sunk into her seat further than she thought physically possible.

She normally didn’t consider herself that thin skinned a person, but man, that one hurt.

Traces of bitter tears creeped into her eyes.

What am I even doing anymore?

The sound of footsteps on crumpling paper and someone clearing their throat snapped her out of her self-pitying torpor. She fluttered her eyes dry to see Grime standing there awkwardly among the discarded parchments.

The diminutive, one-eyed former Toad Lord was hiding something behind his back. He actually looked pretty embarrassed about it too, which for a battle hardened war vet like Grime was actually kinda adorable in Sasha’s eyes.

“I, uhh, got you something,” he said, whipping out a long rectangular present wrapped in green paper and topped with a luscious red bow. “Had it made especially for this day.”

Now if there was one thing Sasha Waybright couldn’t say no to, it was a gift, especially from a trusted friend. They were the ultimate distraction from the blues and she couldn’t have been sitting upright and tearing into this one any quicker.

“Whaaat? Grimesy, you didn’t!” What she had pulled from the ravaged packaging wielded aloft her head made her gasp. “How’d you know I wanted to duel wield?!”

It was a brand new heron sword. An exquisite green second shortsword that would compliment Ol’ Pink perfectly.

She stared proudly into the smooth steel surface, admiring the craftsmanship. When she noticed the girl staring right back at her, however, her smirk vanished in an instant. The captain of the cheerleaders, the scarred swordswoman, the conqueror of Newtopia, whatever angle she looked at it, she didn’t like what she saw. Unbelievable as it may sound, even the joy of an awesome gift like this was not enough to make everything better.

“What’s the matter? You don’t like it? Oh dang it!” Grime slammed his forehead. “I didn’t get a gift receipt!”

“No no, it’s just...” Sasha weighed the blade against her ungloved palm. Talking about these kinds of things was never easy for her. “What if Anne’s right? What if I am a horrible person?”

Grime popped up like a whack-a-mole behind the armrest. “Who cares what she thinks?” he scoffed. “You and I are in charge now, and we get to do whatever we want!”

“That’s the thing... I’m not sure what I want anymore,” she admitted wearily.

For all his years of training at the finest academies, his brutal combat in the colosseum and tactical expertise earned through a lifetime of military service as his forebears before him, this one had Grime stumped. Needless to say, talking about one’s emotions wasn't exactly encouraged during their upbringing in toad culture, so naturally it wasn’t one of his strong suits. Just one of the many things he and Sasha had in common.

“Huh.”

Still, he was a pretty fast thinker and came up with a fairly good idea on the spot.

“Why don’t you help me redecorate this place?” he suggested, resting his hand on her shoulder. “Take your mind off it. Cuz this right here...” He gestured to the cluttered mess in which she’d surrounded herself. “This is definitely not—I’m sorry, can I help you?!”

Both of them turned their heads when it became impossible to ignore Joe’s cone-shaped beak lightly nipping at Grime’s cheek.

“He probably thinks your warts are seeds.”

“For the love of—I knew he was eyeing me up on the ride here! There! Get lost!” Grime scooped up a fistful of feed and flung it over the marble floor, but the winged beast persisted with pecking his face. “Stop it! MY HEAD IS NOT A FEEDER!!”

It took an exceptional effort of willpower for Sasha not to laugh at the sight of her old man being preyed upon by the family pet.

Wow, she thought. Her old man? Was that how she saw Grimesy now? Seriously?

Perhaps up to a point. Okay, considering the options she had for parental figures back home, it wasn’t exactly the highest bar to pass, but it still meant something. Anything.

Who would have guessed this would be how they’d end up, especially given how they started off with her as his prisoner? Sure, it may have taken her helping him and the whole tower not getting turned into heron feed for her to be upgraded to his lieutenant, but they really had come a long way since then. There was a lot more honor and heart to the cranky old toad than she first thought, back when she wrote him off just as another blowhard with power. Now he genuinely considered her his equal both as a friend and comrade in arms. For Sasha, the feeling was mutual. A first for her.

When all was said and done, who else did she have left besides him and vice versa?

What the heck? Let’s tear this place up.

Untethering Joe, she whistled a tweet-tweet and gave the rope a gentle tug to encourage him to follow on their ‘indoor walkies’.

A cursory surveillance of the throne room told her there was a lot of work to be done. If this toad regime was to last a thousand years, the correct decor was an important first step. Thankfully for them, she knew a thing or two about fashion. For starters, there were way too many soft blues and purples. Rust red from top to bottom! She preferred keeping the stained glass windows, but they’d need entirely new designs. Hers truly would naturally feature in most of them, one showcasing her and Grime caving that narwhal worm’s head in with the Warhammer being an absolute must. The snakes coiling the stone pillars weren’t a bad touch, if just a bit too elegant for the whole ‘proud warrior race’ vibe they were going for, but she could still work with them. Now as for the throne, they were gonna have to replace it with something much more imposing. There was that super violent dragon show she and her parents used to watch that had the huge throne made out of swords. She was sure she had a picture somewhere on her phone to use as a reference.

“I’m sorry, what the heck is this?!”

Sasha could only denounce what they were gawking at as the single biggest affrontement to tasteful decorating known to man or amphibian. Yes, worse than inflatable furniture, carpeted bathrooms, beaded curtains, glass block bathroom windows, ‘live, laugh, love’ quotes on walls, rustic hearts, mason jars and nautical accessories all combined under the same inland roof.

Tapestries had their rightful place in a palace’s interior design, but the one sweeping across a section of wall depicting a gentle hearted Andrias sitting down by a lake, surrounded by flowers and lilypads was nothing short of vomit-inducing. Gathered at his feet and scooped up in his protective arms were his wide-eyed, childlike subjects. Even the fish and a lobster were surfacing to bask in their king’s magnanimity. Here the oversized salamander was truly the loving patriarch of everything the light touched. The mawkish display could only be topped off with a rainbow streaking across the sky.

Grime felt his stomach roile. If he ever needed an example to demonstrate the difference between kitschy and downright tacky, this was it.

“Y-y-y-yikes!” he gagged. “This thing’s gotta go!”

Sasha didn’t need a second invite. Besides, what else was Joe going to use to line his nest?

A joint effort tore the offensive piece from its place and it tumbled to the floor in a heap.

Dead silence fell over the room.

Hidden beneath the tapestry was... a mural. Including such a decoration in a throne room was hardly surprising, yet it was what it contained that shocked both the human and toad, so much so that they had to take a moment to recover.

“Woah,” they gasped at once, before starting to analyse what they saw.

The mural was a chaotic collection of nightmarish images painted on a night blue wall. Wild red flames spewing out hordes of beasts and the wreckage of buildings. Mountains of skulls and bones belonging to frogs, toads and newts alike. A flying... spaceship? A castle? Whatever it was meant to be, it firied a white beam up at what was unmistakably the Music Box. Pink, green and blue lightning bolts crackled out of the Box. Mesmerising orange gemstones or, more terrifyingly, eyes leaped off the wall and burned themselves into their minds. The frightening focal point of this one-way ticket to the school therapist’s office? Rising out of the middle of the inferno was the silhouette of a red-eyed, goliath-sized beast, its claws reaching up covetously towards the Box that hung right above its crowned head.

It may as well have been lifted straight from the tattered dream journal of a madfrog.

Any ideas of redecorating the throne room were long gone. Even the revolution they were spearheading suddenly seemed millions of miles away in the face of what they’d just stumbled upon.

Peering her eyes slightly, Sasha was the first to put a face to the shadowy leviathan, and when she did, she had to swallow her heart back down into her chest.

“Is that the king?” she asked, mystified. “With the music box?”

Sweat ran down the side of Grime’s nonplussed face. “If it is… it’s a really good thing we stopped him.”

Neither of them said it aloud, but both understood the situation at once. All this time they thought they’d been playing flipwart while the king played bog jump. Oh, how wrong they’d been. It was beyond anything that even the Toad Lords discussed. They knew that they had to reconvene with them as soon as the armies had reached the gate.

She took a couple steps closer to reexamine the mural more thoroughly, missed details emerging now that the initial shock began to wear off. Circuit board markings—the same inside her dad’s outdated computer when she foolishly dared Marcy if she could take it apart—worked their way around the images, serving as some type of frame. Odd choice for a world that didn’t even have steam engines yet. She also picked up the three small geometric figures standing atop the Box’s lid. An artist she was not, but they looked pretty human-like in design.

But humans did not exist in Amphibia. The three of them were the first of their kind to ever set foot in this dimension.

Weren’t they?

Alarm bells were ringing louder than ever before. This Andrias guy had been playing Anne and Marcy for his own ends this whole time, all to get his mitts on the Music Box! What did he plan to do with it? Right now, she still couldn’t say, but it was all bad. Outside of a kickin’ rock band, fire and skulls together were never a good thing!

Even Joe’s feathers were puffing up anxiously against her back. Not turning away from the mural, she raised her hand and patted his risen crest.

“I know, big guy. I don’t like it either.”

Grime’s voice rang urgently in her ears, “Lieutenant! Get over here, quick!!”

Sasha had spun on her heels and sprinted down the room to find Grime standing the wreckage of what used to be a display of armour. He’d evidently acted on a hunch while she’d been preoccupied. Judging by his thunderstruck expression, he’d just discovered something far worse.

“What is iooooh boy!”

This new second mural reminded Sasha a lot of Egyptian hieroglyphs. If there was any room for doubt about the technicolor stick guys, there was none here. Standing tall against an indigo backdrop in a neat row were the outlines of human beings; long gangly appendages, stumpy noses and everything. Some were wearing hooded capes, others were decked out in suits of armour. The couple in the middle looked particularly regal. No prizes for guessing the little wooden box they were holding in their hands, cementing their authority as if it were the globus cruciger.

Faded inscriptions were engraved along the bottom. They were written in a more archaic amphibian dialect, but being a toad of higher education, Grime was able to give translating them a decent shot.

These great beings of magic and might

Travelled from beyond to serve the night

Bow before these children of man

Or know the wrath of the—

“... Wu Clan?” He cocked his one good eye up at her. “Iiiii’m not getting it.”

There it was. Floodlights flashed in Sasha’s head. All colour drained from her face. A million and one thoughts were now firing across her brain at once, threatening to send her into cerebral shutdown.

It was at that moment she knew she’d been played. They all had. She didn’t know whether to be absolutely furious, betrayed or impressed.

Why that conniving, devious little—

That's when they heard the BOOM outside the window.

[yellowocaballero]

Human Relations Snippet: Tim teaches Jon the internet and odious goats are sacrificed to the cult of Bezos

There’s no reason for this to exist. I was rereading a bit of HR and I saw a throwaway joke about Jon wanting to buy Martin a Portal Gun. I started wondering about how that would even work. The answer is, obviously, a 200 year old man squinting at a computer screen wondering why there’s so many horny singles in his area. I get possessed by demons easily, so I took three hours out of writing my daemon au and wrote this instead. Bon Appetit. 

(Edit, quick clarification: I think that Jon would refuse to use the name for the Beholding that Smirke made up, and although all of this exists in my head and you guys don’t know this, there was a lot of tension between Jon and Jonah’s ‘circle’. So Jon hated Smirke and thought he was a hack. He uses Smirke’s terms to others sometimes for ease of understanding or in deference to Jonah (:/) but I think that mentally he mainly calls the Beholding his own name, The Witness. It rings of that personal and intimate connection Jon and the Beholding has. Anyway, onto the story.)

After one hour in anguished uncertainty, fifty popups that advised Jon of very many ‘hot singles in his area’, six separate sites that Jon’s God had to inform him were covers for thieves that stole money from you, and a very confusing retreat to Jon’s favorite internet page ‘Wikipedia’ as to what an Amazon was, Jon had given up.

Normally this was where he asked one of his personal assistants for help. Normally, he wouldn’t even be trying, and he would have just told one of them to do it. This was how Jon had cunningly mostly avoided using computers for the past twenty years. Some endeavors were unavoidable, and Jon was proud to say that he mastered email in 2010. Or was it 2008? He liked to think it was 2006, but it was possible...never mind. If it was important, the Witness would tell him. 

After one hour in anguished uncertainty, fifty popups that advised Jon of very many ‘hot singles in his area’, six separate sites that Jon’s God had to inform him were covers for thieves that stole money from you, and a very confusing retreat to Jon’s favorite internet page ‘Wikipedia’ as to what an Amazon was, Jon had given up.

Normally this was where he asked one of his personal assistants for help. Normally, he wouldn’t even be trying, and he would have just told one of them to do it. This was how Jon had cunningly mostly avoided using computers for the past twenty years. Some endeavors were unavoidable, and Jon was proud to say that he mastered email in 2010. Or was it 2008? He liked to think it was 2006, but it was possible...never mind. If it was important, the Witness would tell him.

Peter Lukas was right on almost nothing, Jon thought disgruntledly as he slammed his laptop shut - including in his taste of men, company, philosophies, men, patron deities, professions, and men - but he was right in his proclamation that the internet was the degradation of society. Not that he hadn’t sacrificed his morality and sold out, feeding his patron through something called “incel forums” and “Reddit”. Between him, Jonah’s “Excel spreadsheets” and “TurboTax”, and Annabelle Cane’s ridiculous “MMO guilds”, the Society was filling with computer geeks. Jon could always read the wind: he had to keep up, and quickly. 

Besides, Martin had kindly educated him on how it was almost unheard of for a young man like Jon to not understand how to work that Goggle thing. Giggle? Martin was very streetwise and was one of the most insightful people Jon had ever known, he was definitely right. 

Which is why he had to buy him this “Portal Gun” that he wanted. He had even shown Jon the website! And if Jon was in desperate times trying to navigate these confusing webpages entirely with URLs he memorized, then he would take desperate measures!

“I’m going down to the Archives,” Jon said, slithering off the couch and clutching his laptop to chest. Jonah had bought it for him. He appeared surprised that Jon was using it. “I may not be back for a while. I need...a book.”

Jonah didn’t look away from his own infernal machine. It seemed he was on that ‘Excel’ program again. Was it one of those ‘video games’ he kept hearing about? “Do I want to know what you were doing on that laptop.”

“Reading Wikipedia,” Jon said immediately, and somewhat defensively. Jon had discovered Wikipedia in 2001 before promptly funding it and throwing his weight behind its development. He had spent a solid five years convinced a computer was a kind of electronic screen that let you read digital Encyclopedia pages, like in Star Trek. He’d seen Star Trek. Georgie made him. “Did you know that -”

“Yes, yes, have fun. Haven’t you read that entire site already?”

“Not even,” Jon said defensively. “I can’t just sit and read through entire Encyclopedias anymore, Jonah. We know more things now.”

“What a way to describe the last two hundred years,” Jonah said, not even looking away from his computer. “We know more things. Never change, Jon.”

“You’re the one who never changes,” Jon grumbled. But it was a weak comeback, and considering his brand new delightfully short stature somewhat untrue, so Jon breezed out of Jonah’s office with full knowledge that he’d think of a better comeback halfway down the steps to the Archives.

In fact, it wasn’t until he was at the door, and by then he felt stupid for losing a point against Jonah anyway. He easily opened the door, stepping inside and quickly bee-lining for Sasha’s office. Her burgeoning powers were wonderfully flowing in the shape of access to and understanding of technology. He had never seen such gratuitous breeches of privacy as she casually committed. Every day Jon was validated in his decision to save her from the Stranger. A balance, an equal yet opposite Archivist from Jon, would be invaluable. Not that Jonah and Jon weren’t their own yin and yang, but Jonah’s powers were paltry and out-of-date. Mind reading and spying through iconography was so 1960. They needed fresh blood. 

Sasha had been a wonderful choice, and Jon didn’t regret choosing her to act as saviour. Most of the time. Some of the time she -

“She’s not in.”

Jon’s fist halted in front of the door, about to sharply rap on her office door. He turned around to actually look through the bullpen, only to see that Timothy was sitting in his chair chewing a sandwich. Somehow angrily. Definitely suspiciously. 

“Are you sure?” Jon asked dubiously. “Because you’ve lied about this before.”

“Because you should stop coming down here and bothering her.” Timothy balled the saran wrap in his hand and dunked it in the trash can, somehow undoubtedly giving the impression that he wished it was Jon’s head. “Just bugger off.”

Someone was in a snit. Normally Timothy wasn’t this hostile. Jon had thought that learning his name might make him less mean, but it did little to help. But when Jon looked around he didn’t see Martin, and a quick check assured him that both Sasha and Martin were having lunch at their favorite deli and engaging in that plotting hobby they both enjoyed. Timothy had elected to stay behind, stewing in his own angry and paranoid juices. 

He would have to do this with Martin out of the Archives...and he really wanted to take care of this now so Martin would get it before the weekend...and it wasn’t as if Jon was scared of this boy he was one hundred and seventy years older than…

“Uh,” Jon said intelligently, “can you help me with...something…”

Timothy’s face twisted in a novel combination of surprise and disgust. “What,” he sneered, “your evil fear god or whatever can’t figure it out for you?”

“I don’t need others to think for me,” Jon said stiffly. It was something he’d had to say far too many times. “The Witness is less helpful with...troubleshooting...look, do you know how to work a computer?”

Timothy stared at him blankly. “Like, at all?”

“I’m trying to buy Martin this toy he desires,” Jon said desperately. Fuck it all, he walked over and sat down in the chair next to Tim’s desk. He pulled a little bit closer, placing his laptop on Tim’s desk, and ignored the way the other man leaned away. “But whenever I try I keep on seeing alerts about hot singles. I’m not interested in young women, I just need to buy a ‘Portal Gun’. Do you know what a Portal Gun is?”

Timothy continued staring at him, eyebrows raised. Clearly involuntarily, so quick that he may not even have noticed, one corner of his lips was ticking upwards into a smile. 

“How many credit card scams have you fallen for?”

“Absolutely none,” Jon said, very quickly. He pulled out his credit card, placing it on the table. He knew a credit card was involved, although he didn’t know how. “What do I do? Do I swipe it? Is there a port?” He picked up the laptop and squinted at its sides, looking for a port. “I wanted to ask Sasha for help, since she’s the expert in hacking, but surely you know the basics?”

“I mean...I can’t, like, code, but yeah, I can work Amazon.” Timothy carefully opened the laptop, watching the display light up. He effortlessly navigated to an icon on the screen, clicking it open. 

“That’s not right,” Jon said urgently. “You’re supposed to press the E.”

“I do not want to know how many toolbars you have,” Timothy said bluntly. “We’re using Chrome. That’s another way to look at the Internet.” He rubbed his hands together. “Yeah, I got a grandmother, we can do this.”

Jon perked up. “So you’ll help?”

Went unsaid: even though you hate me?

“Whatever,” Timothy grumbled. Jon decided not to press his luck. 

Jon decided that he liked the Chrome better than the Internet Explorer, because it was simpler and Google was on the first page. Tim rapidly typed on ‘Amazon.com’ into the search bar and easily scrolled through the very busy and picture filled page that immediately popped up. Why was everything so fast? Maybe this was why the young people had no attention span: these pages just came up immediately. No flipping for indices for finding anything in phone books. 

“Right. What was it, a Portal Gun? Like from the game?”

“A board game?”

“Video game.”

“Like on a VHS…?”

“Right.” Tim pinched the bridge of his nose. “You know, Sasha said that you’re one of the most famous sociologists and anthropologists in British history.”

“I am extremely intelligent, Timothy, and I won’t abide any insinuation otherwise,” Jon said curtly. “I cannot be expected to keep constant track every time there’s another - iPhone or whatever. You have teenagers in your family, correct? Do you always know what they’re talking about? That’s, what, a twenty year age gap? Multiply that by ten.”

That shut him up. Timothy sighed again, much more aggressively, but he clicked the white bar and typed in ‘portal gun’ anyway. “Right. Not fucking apologizing, but right. I still don’t fucking know what ‘Twitch’ is.”

“It’s a brief spasmodic contraction of the muscle fibers,” Jon said helpfully. “Fascinatingly, this phenomenon was first observed in frog’s legs before I was even born in 1780, by Luigi Galvani. Erudite man, by the way, but he couldn’t hold his liquor. It was the birth of the study of bioelectricity, although the exact mechanism of muscle contraction eluded scientists for years.”

“Never mind.” Timothy sighed again, the perfect mix of aggravated and long-suffering. It seemed to be the man’s two favorite emotions. “My grandmother has a PhD and she still can’t figure out her cell, either. We had to get her a Jitterbug.”

Amazon, as Timothy explained, was a kind of shopping mall, except you could pick out what you wanted by its picture and have the shopping mall pack it up and send it to you. Jon didn’t quite understand why people preferred this to just going to a shop yourself, seeing as you could get it immediately instead of with a three or four day turnaround, but Tim explained that Amazon was cheaper, had a wider selection, and didn’t make you get off the couch.

“Oh,” Jon said, finally getting it, “this follows the economic model of large scale businesses underpricing their products to undercut smaller businesses in the area, driving them out of business until they hold monopoly over the market and can raise their prices without worrying about staying competitive.”

Timothy stared at him. 

“I mean,” he said, “I guess?”

“This explains why my Alexa project was successful so quickly,” Jon mused. “With a lack of competition or alternatives, consumers are more likely to accept the dramatic invasions of privacy as normal. Normalizing intrusions into privacy took ages, but my early efforts paid off very well. The Ring doorbell was even better, along with the line of security and home protection systems. We’re now working on live streamed 24/7 surveillance to social media platforms.”

Timothy stared at him further. 

Finally, he said, “Alexa was...you?”

“Of course,” Jon said, baffled. Who else would it be? “I gave Jeff the idea and convinced him it would be profitable. I didn’t understand the whole mechanics of it, but once I gave Jeff a vision from the Witness he was eager to implement the divinely inspired spyware.”

Timothy continued to stare. 

“The evil fear god controls Jeff Bezos.”

“He thinks I’m a prophet, actually,” Jon said helpfully. “I let him become Cardinal of the imaginary cult in exchange for funding some of my more esoteric programs. Had him sacrifice a goat and everything, it was great.” At Timothy’s alarmed look, Jon was quick to elaborate, “It was the most evil goat you’ve met in your life. Morally odious.”

“...for my sanity I’m going to pretend that you said none of that.”

In retrospect, although Timothy had worked at the Institute for a few years, it did take quite a bit of time to acclimate to the fact that the Avatars permanently shaped the shape of human existence in order to better feed their gods. Jon knew better than anyone: when humanity made gods, and gods made man, and man made gods...the feedback loop could self-perpetuate for years. Eternity, if needed. 

But they had no luck on ‘Amazon’. With Jon’s eidetic memory he was able to easily pick out the one that looked most similar to the one that Martin had showed him, but all of the little toy guns were for someone named ‘Rick’. Then Timothy took twenty laborious minutes explaining the entire plot of ‘Rick & Morty’ to him, which Jon patiently sat through. 

“I think young people today deeply enjoy explaining media,” Jon said, once Timothy finished telling him the funny jokes. “I’m very interested in your interests, Timothy.”

“You are so fucking condescending. And please call me Tim, you’re sounding even more like my grandmother.” When Jon brightened, Tim - Tim! - quickly said, “This does not mean we are friends.”

Granted, Jon had never once in his life gave a shit about making friends, but he felt as if he should be making more of an effort with Tim. He was a sort of supernatural brother in law, wasn’t he? Although Sasha perhaps Sasha was more of a favored niece. At least, he would be, if today’s generation found some morality and stopped living in sin. 

Good lord. Now he was sounding like Jonah. Georgie used to joke that he was born in the wrong generation - he should have been born a 17th century Puritan instead. Jon found it a very funny joke. Jonah did not. 

“Are there any other shopping websites?” Jon asked finally, after Amazon failed them. He’d have to call up Jeff later and complain. “Or is this the only one?”

Tim sighed. “Let’s check Google.”

Quickly and efficiently, yet with many lightning fast detours, Tim found another site called ‘eBay’ - pronounced ‘e-Bay’, not ‘ehbay’ - that listed off exactly what they needed. They weren’t under the toy section, instead listed as something called ‘cosplay’, but Tim seemed highly resistant to explaining that one, so he dropped it. 

They picked a likely looking white toy gun that looked the most similar to the one that Martin had liked and Tim talked Jon through punching in the numbers on his card into the website and sorting through the billing and shipping information. Tim helpfully took down the numbers on his card to file later. 

“And...done!” Tim said, pressing a button and leaning back. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“It was ten times as complicated as I thought it would be,” Jon assured him, “but also much more fun. What else can you buy online?”

“Oh, god. What can’t you buy.”

Jon brightened. “Can you buy books?”

“Old Gertrude used to buy Leitners on eBay,” Tim said dully, “so yeah, sure, why not.”

Jon stared at his computer. He carefully navigated the mouse to the big red x and clicked out of the internet browser. “That’s enough of eBay, then, I think.”

Guess he would have to stick to buying Leitners in person. It was no good buying fucked up books from sketchy sources. Always stick to people you trusted, or at least trusted to be themselves. Mikaele was Jon’s favorite supplier since the kid Leitner disappeared, and they had a pleasant working relationship. Mikaele shared his grandfather’s stories about the history and culture of the Maori, and Jon told him which of his haunted artifacts would be the most helpful in the imminent apocalypse. 

“Well,” Tim said finally, gently pushing Jon’s laptop away, “that was...something, great bonding session with my local supervillain, please run back to Elias and bother him instead.”

“You were very helpful, Mr. Stoker,” Jon said, as professionally yet paternally as possible. Tim was six years older than his body, so he’s not sure how it came off, but the touch of grey at his temples helped with the dignified air. “And as soon as you start acting like a man and propose to my Archivist, you’ll make an excellent brother in law -”

“Uh, excuse me?”

Jon spun around in his chair to see Sasha and Martin standing at the door, holding doggy bags and looking somewhat flummoxed. Probably confused at the sight of him and Tim having a civil conversation, which admittedly had never happened before. Possibly also confused at how completely mortified Tim looked. 

“Who said anything about proposing?” Sasha asked incredulously. “Tim, are you -”

“No! No, god no!” Tim stood up quickly, holding his hands out as if he was placating a raging bull. “Nobody’s been saying anything - I would never do that to you -”

“Oh,” Sasha said frostily, crossing her arms and letting the bags swing, “would you.”

That was a domestic Jon should stay out of, even though he definitely caused it. He and Martin sidled away in tandem, huddling near the back of the Archives as Tim frantically pled for his life. 

Sneakily, Jon glanced at Martin out of the corner of his eye. He looked happy. Happy, and just as stressed as he always looked - Jon had never known Martin when he wasn’t constantly stressed out, and he was more than aware that it was his fault. 

He looked good, too. Really nice, broad jawline that gave his face a friendly round shape. Just friendly and round in general, it was really handsome. His hair was as nicely short and ruffles as ever. The big glasses were super stylish, and really framed his face well. Really big, broad hands. Jon, who had always been so poky and tall and thin and gaunt, like some kind of haunted scarecrow that lurked through the corners of time, was envious. He wanted some of that softness and gentleness. Really, he wanted some of Martin’s -

“So what were you and Tim doing?” Martin asked. “I didn’t know you knew he existed.”

“You told me his name,” Jon said anxiously. “I don’t forget the things you tell me, you know.”

Martin smiled shyly and him, and Jon found himself smiling back. “It’s pretty good for my ego to hear that I have something to teach the immortal genius.”

“I don’t know,” Jon said, as Sasha yelled in the background, “I’ve been learning a lot lately.”

“Really?” Martin teased. “Anything interesting?”

“Oh,” Jon said, watching the yellow fluorescent light cast Martin’s dim smile in soft relief, “I can think of a few things.”

[penroseparticle]

4, 15, 25, 38, 51, 69, 76, 83, 94, 108, 116, 122, 136, 149 + 150

4: 3 things I love

Summer evening naps, with a breeze and the window open, some light music playing, and it’s cool enough for a throw blanket from the couch. The most peaceful time in the world.

Stomping off snow from your boots, and being handed a bowl of steaming, hearty soup before you even take your jacket off. You hold the soup in your hands like a handwarmer and smell that homemade, lovingly crafted sign of care. When you finally eat, the soup is delicious.

bubblebaths, man. Just bubblebaths.

15: Favourite quote

I actually collect quotes! There was a dog tag engraver at the local Walmart back home in Indiana and I’d spend 5 bucks and get a quote engraved in one every few weeks. I must have like 40 of them. I stopped because the machines are harder to find now but I might start again. I love quotes. I fished one out of the pile and it’s: 

“We become what we pretend to be. So we must be careful what we pretend to be” by Kurt Vonnegut. Aka the fake it til you make it mantra or how I turned into a positive person.

25: Ever done a prank call?

I haven’t done a prank call, but I have gone through a drive thru when I knew my friend was working and pretended to be a difficult customer. She thought it was funny. She returned the favor once and I poured her drink out onto the pavement. Sometimes I miss McDonalds but usually I know better

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

We don’t! I don’t speak with him though as he lives in like, Minnesota now? But I checked his facebook the other day he seems good.

51: When was the last time I hugged someone?

I used to hug people all the time- I’m a very tactile person, I love hugs and physical affection. Holding hands, carding through hair, etc.

It must have been on Friday- there were some friends over for Christmas, and I got to hug them. It was nice.

I don’t hug people often enough.

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

I believe it was when I simultaneously broke my big toe on one foot and my heelbone on the other? Bad times for walking. My ankle still pops in and out sometimes!

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Doo Wop (That Thing) by Ms. Lauryn Hill. A classic slam dunk. It makes me happy because it reminds me of when I was little, it’s a jam of a song, and my mom loves Lauryn Hill.

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

Healing powers. The power to heal injuries and illnesses. It’s the only superpower I’ve ever wanted. Just classic, DnD style I can fix that healing spells.

94: Left the house without my wallet?

Constantly. Last night I left work, locked the door, and realized I left my phone charging in my office. I had to sneak back in and set off the alarm =/

108: Been outside my home country?

Sadly only been to the US, and only to like 20 states. But I’d like to travel more!

116: What concerts have I been to?

Hmm... 21 Pilots (twice), Betty Who (4 times), Caravan Palace (twice), Dorothy, Reptar, LIzzo, Billie Eilish, Troye Sivan, NOT 21 Savage because I was too busy getting a friend laid, Wallows, Jimmy Eat World (twice), Silver Sun Pickups, Oh Wonder (Twice), Broods, Young the Giant, Glass Animals, Arctic Monkeys, a few other people. I don’t have a comprehensive list but most of these stick out as good memories.

I was SUPPOSED to see Halsey and someone else this year, but like... yeah. Plus, who knows what concerts I would have gone to on a whim!

122: Dyed my hair?

Once, very poorly, with box dye. It went poorly. I dyed it red for Caps playoffs and looked terrible.

I kind of want to dye it again though. Maybe silver or some light blue color?

136: Do I like my handwriting?

I have doctor handwriting, aka it’s terrible. It has charm though!

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

One time when I was working as a diner line cook, one of the waitresses told me a sweet little old lady in the dining room asked her if she could “Ask the nice white cook” to make her food. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

Boring but practical: Pay off my bills and loans, pay off the bills and loans of my loved ones, invest in my local community, and buy a place in DC so I never have to worry about renting again. Buy a motorcycle, and get enough magic cards to be able to play Vintage and Legacy. After that, give back as much as I can.

[popculturebuffet]

Jake Reviews Amphibia: Handy Anne and Fort in the Road

It’s finally here... the second time i’ve said that in three days but hey, Amphibia is back! After a years hiatus due to the show being shoved out in a month to get it on disney plus faster (Yet they STILL don’t have wonder over yonder so I can finally watch season 2. God damn. ), one of the best new shows of a year stuffed with them is back! I was excited about this one from the start. A great premise, a gravity falls pedegriee, and the wonderful Brenda Song, who I had a crush on when I was younger despite not really watching the first suite life that much, though I will admit what I saw was pretty decent and had a wonderful cast especially song and Phil Morris as Mr.Mosby.. it was just overshadowed by i’ts two leads being really sterotypical (the cool but dumb hustler and the stick in the mud nerd) and I was more of a nick middle schooler anyway so I barely touched it. Granted if I could go back in time and trade which shows I watched i’d trade it for Zoey 101 in a heartbeat, another show with awful leads but the rest of the main cast was really good concidentally. 

Anyways I did watch more of on deck to  kill time and absolutley hated it. Seroiulsy the show really sucks: Zack and Cody were turned into basically worse versions of Zack Morris and Ross Gellar, worse because while their just as douchey as those two, Mark  Paul Gossler and David Schiwmer can actually act and Cole Sprouse could not yet. I do say yet since Cole Sprouse has grown because he wasn’t half bad in the one season of riverdale I watched. Riverdale, what happens when you have the entire writers room snort a line of coke and then tell them to write the most insane archie fanfiction they can and stitch the results together. Just with Archie alone from what i’ve seen in read he’s started a vigilante posse ala homer simpson, nearly joined hte mafia, been framed form murder, had the local cheerleaders do a number for him while he played prison football, escaped prison to hide in canda from both his former mafia boss whose also his girlfriend’s dad and the cult based on a  DnD knockoff, got mauled by a bear and LIVED, and now is a superhero apparently. WHy I haven’t gone back to at the very least review this clusterfuck is a mystery.  But the point is the twins were really terrible at the time, and if the fact Dylan’s only major role recently is in the sequel to After, that film based on self insert one direction fanfiction, which somehow got a sequel while Birds of Prey probably won’t because god really does hate me. So it was bad and she deserved better, got better with the social network but hadn’t done much i’d seen, so a new cartoon starting her in her elment and in a great show for once had me pumped.  And.. my faith paid off. The show is beautifully animated, ahs a wonderfully morbid and fully fleshed out world, top notch voice acting (including BIll Farmer who is so unreconizable as hop pop I thought he was voiced by charlie addler), great jokes, action and storytelling. Just a slam dunk that left be jonesning for me. And now in one of the best weeks for animation in a while, more is here. I do mean that: 3/4 of disney’s major animated shows returning and close enough finally airing it’s a good time.  When we last left our heroes: Hop Pop buired the box that brought anne there and lied to her about it which even a year later I think is a terrible decision.. one made for understandable reasons as he clearly knows something more about it than she does, but one that’s bound ot backfire whens he finds out her new grandpa lied to her and betrayed her. The plantars also spent the season preparing to leave wartwood. Soon after, Anne was forced to finally stand up to her manipulative, if to my utter shock still caring about her and possibly being into her? I mean it’s not like I haven’t seen the “villian whose overcompensating for a terrible past and likes manipualting people redeemed and ending up smooching the somewhat reckless but good hearted heroine” before. 

Anyways Sasha ends up nearly falling off a giant tower, Anne tries to save her, with the rest of her new family pitching in, and Sasha, realizing just how terrible she’s been just.. let’s her self fall, only saved because Grime caught her. And just remembering that sequence god dman.. the fact they actually got the rights to lean on me for it really dosen’t help. But the day was saved and while Anne had a huge bundle of trauma, the family was ready to finally set out soon. And now a year later i’ts time. Now i’ve gotten all the personal stuff out of the way, let’s hop to it and see what the new season has to offer. Full review with spoilers under the cut!

Handy Anne

So the Plantars are finally setting off. We don’t touch on the Sasha thing much, just a quick bit at the begining to show that while Anne is insiting she’s fine it really traumatized her. I do like kids shows starting to show more that sometimes heroes just DON’T bounce back after something like this, especially young ones. While it’ isn’t nearly to the extent of Steven Universe spending an entire season having his lack of thearpy and unresolved issues slowly destroy him, it’s still nice to see. But the main thrust of the episode is it’s vacation time brother!

Yup after a few episodes of build up last season with the valley clear, Hop Pop has bought a suprisingly nice and affordable wagon (As Polly excitedly explains someone died in it) so they can finally set out to hopefully find Anne a way home. Their going to Oregon! I mean To newtopia, the beating heart of Amphibia: a bustling metroplis built on knowledge where they can hopefully find a way to get Anne and friends back home, while Anne hopes to find Marcy. The rest of the kids are also excited just to get out of the valley for the first time.  Everyone’s pumped.. but Anne starts to worry when she finds out Hop Pop has asked his friend Chuck, the “I grow tulips” guy from the bug ball episode last season who I forgot about but was reminded why I love him and am glad to have him back, to watch the house as given Amphibia is hard enough to surivive on a good day, let alone if your a stationary building. And Chuck dosen’t insprie confidence so Anne decides to fortify the house. And her reasoning.. is actually really sweet and shows how much she’s grown: Instead of like most times where her impulsivness is the reason shenanigans and life thretaning situations happen here.. she’s hit with the hard relization her new family is basically risking everything, their home, their farm, their chuck, to help her get home. 

So Anne decides to armor up the house, getting a fuck ton of shovels and a ton of suplies from the blacksmith guy who suprisngly for once DOES have what she needs for her veggies, to the point his not backtracking weirds anne out, and gives her a tub of goo. This can only end well! Meanwile the rest of the family pack. Polly having maybe 3 possesions gets done quick, Hop Pop is being anal reteitive as always with his ascots (hilariously done and Bill Farmer really is the MVP of this series), while Sprig’s gone half insane just picking out which slingshot to take as he never left, which polly of course exploits.  But things natrually go wrong as the goo creates veggie monsters the family fights (with sprig even calling fight time because this is normal to them at this point) the next mornign and then one colosus that destroys the house... and Anne’s anger and heartbreak over it .. awakens something. See something I hadn’t heard about and didn’t notice at the ebgining of the series was anne’s eyes flashing blue while fighting the mantis in the first episode. Many couldn’t tell if it was leading somewhere or just an animation error. Here though her eyes go bright blue in close up with it being clear this is part of her.. the question what is it and why? Just what power does she have now? And will it save the world or destroy it? Questions for later Anne saves the day, an admits she screwed up but Hop Pop is understanding: He’s touched by her actions but also explains their not just doing this for her: their with her all the way and any sacrifice is worth it. And I like that part of hop pop: while he can be overbearing, just see next episode.. he does genuinely mean well and has genuine wisdom, something they sometimes forget with grandparent characters in animation. He’s crotchety and a stick in the mud, but he’s still throughly nice and understanding and it shows here: He’s going to get his daughter back whatever it takes.. almost.  Hop Pop calls on chuck who in a whilrwind of tools and tulips fixes the place.. and proves to be every bit the legend I thought him. He sells tulips and he’s great. We’ll miss you chuck. But as they get ready to leave Anne brings up the box and Hop Pop, remembering what he did, hastily says it’s better with their contacts. WHich again just seems short sided: while he is trying to protect her, especially since next episode confirms there was some sort of apocalypse once so odds are her being connected to it might not be the best, he can’t dance around her connection to it forever, and hiding the fact some apolcaypse was caused by it is only going to backfire when some vilian reveals it or anne finds it out for herself. Taking her to a place full of infomration where he’ll now have to work to hide the truth is just asking for this to backfire. Not bringing it is one thing, dangerous people could still get the box and use it for their own ends.. we’ve seen female newt sabertooth in the promos and we’ve met Grime. But not telling her is just setitng himself up for a big and deeserved fall soon. But with that settled our heroes set out! 

Final Thoughts I:  Overall this was a good start to the season: my one real complaint is the town didn’t really see them off or anything, so the large and loveable supporting cast is just.. absent unless the series returns to wartwood at some point and it would’ve been nice to see them once last time. Even star vs, as bad as season 3 was, knew we wouldn’t be seeing most of the earth cast for a whie and had marco have a meaningful sendoff before he left. But.. given how tight the phacing seems to be this season judging by episode titles alone, and they only had 11 minutes here. I do think it could’ve been in hte next episode, but it dosen’t ruin a decent, fun start to the season really rooted in character stuff. Not the series finest 11 minutes, but still really good and a good way to start us off. 

Fort in the Road: 

First off your welcome for that episode screencap. Now this one’s also simple, but ends up having a rather sizeable revelation nestled inside. The Plantars are going down the road and while the kids want to you know explore, see places, actually enjoy the trip especailly since Sprig and Polly have never been anywhere else before, Hop Pop, being hop pop, instead just wants them to sit and be quite and follow his rules. I mean it is hte grind but you can at least make it FUN for htem; Just look at this guy. 

It took an episode longer than I thought to refrence the trail to oregon given this season is about a wagon trip, but I’m glad to do it .. and do it again. I will fit pays to be an animal in here somewhere I swear it. WE’ve got time left in the road trip.  Anyways this goes down terribly, though some rules like not posing dramatically as it smacks of hubris and never ends well. But understandably the kids are annoyed about it: Anne can’t even compallin because i’ts not in the rules.  So naturally as Hop Pop should’ve seen coming at the first opprotuunity Anne fakes being cart sick and they run off to see a weird looking ruin with Hop Pop chasing them and leaving the cart to polly because that can’t end well but he’s on a short time.  And this is where the season drops a 10 ton atomic bombshell. Anne being kinda magic in the last episode and it being fully part of things now is intresting and shocking.. but this is miles ahead of it and casts Hop Pop’s actions: Turns out whatever the clamamity box did set techniology in amphibia back to a little above the dark ages. I mean they have full light thanks to lightning bugs, but their still leagues behind.. but were once up to at least mid 2000′s levels of technology. The machine seen requires a disk to stop, but it’s still far beyond what I expcted from this world. Naturally Hop Pop shows up furious, then gets stuck on the assembly line with the kids deseprate to save him, with spirg ending up doing sow ith the rule book. Also we get Anne’s wonderful repsonse to Sprig asking what a disk is:  “I don’t know! i’m from another dimension not the 90s!”  They surivive, the factory blows up and the kids apologize and agree to go back to the boring way things have been going.. but Hop Pop thankfully realizes he’s been a bit overbearing and actually gives a good reason why: He’s never taken then out of the valley before and simply got overprotective. This is his family after all, all he has left of his kid and all he really has left beside Sylvia and the farm. It’s understandble he’d go a bit overboard. But Hop Pop decides to compromise a bit in a nice moment: while the impalment fields are obviously a non starter, he does get the kids ice cream (Anne even admits at this point she dosen’t pick the bugs out anymore), and they genuinely enjoy the trip while Sprig (in a hilarious bit of lampshadng as he does it repeadtly) wonders jsut what they were making.. and as I spoiled it was robots.. one of whom is now following them. Wether this means new doom or the plantars getting a new robot family member I don���t know i’m hoping for the latter. Everyone needs a vision in their life.   Final thoughts II: While having a bit of an obvious conflict with an obvious resolution the character work combined with the MASSIVE plot bombshell really make this enjoyable and I hope to find out more about just what the hell happened and what these robots are for. Just another good solid episode and an excellent duo to start the season.  Next week: Things take a turn for the western and Anne learns to hunt and more about the glow. And with the glow you need to grow to glow... until then i’ll likely have mor ereviews on this channel, I recently reveiwed all of season 1 of close enough if your curious, and until next time.. play us out Willie!

I love what i’ve seen of this throughly stupid movie. Bye ya’ll! 

[aliveandfullofjoy]

I’m anxious about the election and our crumbling democracy et cetera et cetera so I’m gonna distract myself by making some Oscar predictions, lol.

I don’t think I’ve officially made any yet, but with the nominations a good five months away, might as well start making some guesses!

All predictions in alphabetical order, not likelihood of happening.

BEST PICTURE

The Father 

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

Mank

Minari

News of the World

Nomadland

One Night in Miami

Soul

The Trial of the Chicago 7

Keeping an eye on: Da 5 Bloods; Judas and the Black Messiah; The Midnight Sky; The United States vs. Billie Holiday

Weird year! 

It’s easy to imagine that the top four will shake out to be Mank (which will lead the nomination count, is a likely Director winner, and could easily take the whole thing), Nomadland, News of the World, and The Father. Beyond that, I have no idea! 

Miami and Ma Rainey feel fairly safe. 

I’m trying to manifest a Room-esque haul for Minari. 

I don’t see Trial having the passion to carry it all the way to March as a top contender, but it’s basic enough to make it into Best Picture with support from actors and writers. 

It’ll be neat to see if Soul can be the first animated nominee here since Toy Story 3. 

BEST DIRECTOR

Lee Isaac Chung (Minari)

David Fincher (Mank)

Paul Greengrass (News of the World)

Florian Zeller (The Father)

Chloé Zhao (Nomadland)

Keeping an eye on: Aaron Sorkin (The Trial of the Chicago 7); Regina King (One Night in Miami); George C. Wolfe (Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom); Lee Daniels (The United States vs. Billie Holiday); Spike Lee (Da 5 Bloods)

Predicting winners this far out is a fool’s errand, but this will likely be an easy win for Fincher. 

Again, I’m holding out hope for Chung and Minari, and it’s worth noting that the directors branch tends to appreciate movies anchored around a child performance -- Room and Beasts of the Southern Wild both surprised here, so it’s not totally unrealistic. 

Unless something really wild happens, Zhao looks primed to become the sixth woman nominated for Best Director, and the first woman of color. 

Regina King stands a chance at joining her, which would be really, really cool. 

George C. Wolfe might get squeezed in if both Chadwick Boseman and Viola Davis end up as frontrunners for their respective awards.

BEST ACTOR

Chadwick Boseman (Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom)

Tom Hanks (News of the World)

Anthony Hopkins (The Father)

Gary Oldman (Mank)

Steven Yeun (Minari)

Keeping an eye on: Delroy Lindo (Da 5 Bloods); Kingsley Ben-Adir (One Night in Miami); Lakeith Stanfield (Judas and the Black Messiah)

The late, great Boseman will officially be going lead for Ma Rainey, which makes things interesting. He would have been a slam-dunk winner in Supporting Actor, but in leading, he is now competing with Hopkins, whose reviews are out-of-this-world. It’s going to be awfully tight, and honestly, I don’t know who I’d predict to win right now. Either way, it’s all-but-guaranteed that Boseman will join the likes of Jeanne Eagels, James Dean, Spencer Tracy, Ralph Richardson, and Massimo Troisi as a posthumous acting nominee. If he wins, he’ll be the third, after Peter Finch and Heath Ledger.

Depending on how well Netflix handles all of their contenders, I’m worried for Yeun and Lindo here. I’d love for both to get in, but I just can’t see Hanks or Oldman missing out, especially if both of their films end up being major Best Picture contenders. Since I’m predicting Minari to do better than Bloods across the board, I’ll predict Yeun to make history as the first East Asian Best Actor nominee over Lindo. 

Judas and the Black Messiah is basically the biggest question mark in the race right now. Its release and eligibility is up in the air and as are its category placement for its two leads (Daniel Kaluuya and Lakeith Stanfield). If the film comes out and delivers, I could see it sliding into Best Picture as well as nabbing a nomination for one or both of them. Actor is tighter than Supporting, though, so it might make sense for the studio to push previous nominee Kaluuya (who has the flashier role) into supporting. 

BEST ACTRESS

Viola Davis (Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom)

Andra Day (The United States vs. Billie Holiday)

Frances McDormand (Nomadland)

Carey Mulligan (Promising Young Woman)

Kate Winslet (Ammonite)

Keeping an eye on: Amy Adams (Hillbilly Elegy); Jennifer Hudson (Respect); Vanessa Kirby (Pieces of a Woman); Sophia Loren (The Life Ahead); Meryl Streep (The Prom)

Honestly, this category is deep this year. So much so that the five I left off (Adams, Hudson, Kirby, Loren, Streep) could make sense as a lineup in any other year, and I expect most of them will pop up at the different precursors (Streep won’t come near the Oscar -- probably -- but she is guaranteed a spot at the Golden Globes). 

I can easily see a world in which Davis is the one to beat: her role is juicy as hell and a Best Actress Oscar feels inevitable for her. However, if Boseman ends up winning Best Actor -- which is very possible! -- the situation becomes a bit tougher. It’s really hard for movies to win both Actor and Actress unless they’re, like, top five Best Picture material, and I don’t know if Ma Rainey will end up that high. 

Keeping a sharp eye on Andra Day! Early buzz is great, it’s a juicy role that’s already been nominated for Best Actress (Diana Ross in 1972), and this could end up being a real star-is-born type moment. She’s the only other person who makes sense to me as a possible winner. 

Mulligan is my wildcard prediction, lol. She’ll probably miss out to someone like Adams (unless Hillbilly gets completely destroyed) or maybe even Loren (whose narrative writes itself). 

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Sacha Baron Cohen (The Trial of the Chicago 7)

Charles Dance (Mank)

Daniel Kaluuya (Judas and the Black Messiah)

Leslie Odom, Jr. (One Night in Miami)

Eddie Redmayne (The Trial of the Chicago 7)

Keeping an eye on: Yahya Abdul-Matteen II (The Trial of the Chicago 7); Chadwick Boseman (Da 5 Bloods); Trevante Rhodes (The United States vs. Billie Holiday) Mark Rylance (The Trial of the Chicago 7); Jeremy Strong (The Trial of the Chicago 7); Glynn Turman (Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom)

It’s funny, for a little bit, it looked like some of the possible Best Actor contenders would be pushed supporting (Boseman and Yeun, specifically). Now... well, it’s looking weird.

Trial, which might not even end up a top 5 Best Picture contender, could easily snag two, maybe three, nominations in this category since Netflix announced they’re pushing every actor in supporting. Baron Cohen feels like the surest thing of that cast -- he has one of the flashiest roles and Borat 2 is only helping him stay in the conversation -- and I wouldn’t be surprised if Redmayne happened. He’s basically the lead of the movie. I’m curious if Abdul-Matteen or Rylance or Strong will be able to get in over them. The rest of the cast is (I think) DOA. 

If I had to pick a winner today, I’d probably say Sacha Baron Cohen or Leslie Odom, Jr., whose performance as Sam Cooke seems to be getting a lot of attention (along with Kingsley Ben-Adir’s Malcolm X, who might be getting a leading push). That both have other huge projects this year that won’t get them Oscar nominations (Borat 2 and Disney+’s release of Hamilton respectively) only helps their narrative. 

I have no idea about Charles Dance, lol. I’m only really picking him because he’s an old veteran character actor (which this category thrives on) and he likely has a major antagonistic role in the Best Picture frontrunner playing a real person (check, check, check!). 

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Glenn Close (Hillbilly Elegy)

Olivia Colman (The Father)

Amanda Seyfriend (Mank)

Youn Yuh-Jung (Minari)

Helena Zengel (News of the World)

Keeping an eye on: Saoirse Ronan (Ammonite); Olivia Williams (The Father)

Can Close finally win an Oscar? Or will Colman snatch it from her yet again!? Will Seyfried get swept up in a Best Picture sweep?! Or will Zengel be the one place the Academy can reward News of the World in an above-the-line category?! So much excitement. 

Predicting Youn over Ronan mostly in my expectation that Minari will be a bigger deal with the Academy than Ammonite, but conventional (racist) Oscar wisdom tells us that a four-time nominee like Ronan is more likely than a Korean older woman who is mostly unknown American audiences. We’ll have to see!

[hoodoo12]

Chapter 5 NSFW

Chapter 1,  2,  3,  4

@turtlepated, @anyamercury​, @beetlewise-and-pennyjuice​

Beetlejuice fled the bathroom. Although he’d been imbued with some fine additional pluck when Lisette managed to blurt out the wrong part of his name over a week ago, he was still weak enough that he didn’t physically slam into the door or wall as he scrambled out. Still, something--a faint, errant puff of a air, a shadow moving by itself--must have alerted the woman in the bathtub, because she stopped what she was doing and sat up more fully.

Beetlejuice had seen more than enough to know she’d finished anyway.

Earlier, while he drifted in his favorite corner of her bedroom, she’d been writing in her stupid journal again. He’d been dozing, still trying to think how to slip his name onto her tongue. He was a bio-exorcist, damn it, and it was his nature to drive breathers out of a residence! But even with the extra vigor he’d been granted, he couldn’t actually do much of anything. He’d moved her things. He’d opened closed doors, and vice versa. Food was easy to spoil. But that was all child’s play, poltergeist bullshit. He needed something more than that, because he swore her dull presence and her lack of reaction to the babyish haunting he’d managed was making his lethargy worse. 

Was she stupid or something? He’d have thought from her reaction when she touched him that she was at least slightly sensitive to otherworldly phenomenon, but she never grew upset, frustrated or confused by the little things he’d done to try and indicate his presence. She closed the doors he’d opened. She sighed at finding moldy bread and threw it away. She searched for her pens and didn’t seem alarmed when she found them in a closet, or under the sink, or in the tea kettle. 

She’d found the crumpled, stained business card her journal. He knew she did, because it was on her bedside table now instead of where he’d left it. Not even its appearance gave her pause. What was with her? It was just his luck to have the dumbest, least aware person on the planet rent this fucking house. 

Lost in his thoughts, Beetlejuice almost missed seeing Lisette get up, strip naked, and drop her clothes in a messy heap on the floor. When he realized what she’d done, it surprised him enough that she had time to walk out of the bedroom, nude, and down the hall to the bathroom before he caught up with her again. 

She was bent over the claw foot bathtub, fiddling with the tap for some time to get the correct water temperature. Beetlejuice admired the view from behind, and seriously considered stepping up against her, taking her hips and giving her a little groin on ass thrust . . . just to see if he’d be noticed. What better way to introduce a tenant to the idea the house was haunted than being humped by an invisible entity?

But before he could attempt the maneuver, Lisette let the faucet run and left the room. Curious, Beetlejuice followed her down to the kitchen. Since she was still naked, he scurried past her on the stairs to get a better look at her front. Not that he hadn’t seen her nude before; he’d watched her bedtime routine and in the shower! People were always less shy when they thought they were alone! But he’d not seen the way her tits bounced as she took each step. Nor had he really seen how her thighs brushed together as she walked, which drew his attention to the thatch of hair at their junction--

Beetlejuice grinned and licked his teeth as he ogled, voyeuristically, at her. 

She made her way into the kitchen. He watched her pick and choose from the little vials lined up on the counter--oh jesus, they were essential oils, weren’t they? Some kind of homeopathic, quackery horseshit, Beetlejuice thought, rolling his eyes--select two, grab the filled gallon jug that always sat on the counter plus another empty one, and head back upstairs. 

Curious, and frankly a little aroused by her stark nudity, he continued to trail her. Watching her ass as she walked up the stairs was just as nice as seeing her from the front.

Once back in the bathroom, Lisette slowed the flow into the tub. She let a few drops from the tiny vials fall under the spray, filling the air with the scent of lavender and rose. She stuck a hand in the water already there, testing its depth and temperature, and then did some odd pouring and filling the water jugs: one to another, then topping it off with water from the tap, before pouring it into the tub. She repeated this convoluted process multiple times. 

Beetlejuice couldn’t fathom the reasoning behind it. Maybe it had something to do with diluting the oils? It grew so repetitious he actually yawned and considered leaving the room. Just as he made his decision, however, Lisette finished, turned off the tap, and set the jugs down beside the tub. 

Without the water running, it was suddenly quiet in the room. Steamy now, too. Lisette grabbed two towels, dropped them beside the tub, and stepped into it. She let out a sigh as she submerged herself in the warm water. 

She relaxed in the bath, sighing again. Beetlejuice wandered closer to the bathtub, eager for an eyeful of the soaking wet woman.

Out of nowhere, Lisette exclaimed, “Oh shit!” and sat straight up in the tub, sloshing water out.

It startled him and Beetlejuice jumped backward. What was going on? Did she see him?!

“I forgot my book!” Lisette chided herself, clucking her tongue.

Beetlejuice felt the anticipatory hope that he’d affected her fade away. The water she splashed onto the floor would have drenched his legs if he’d had a physical form. As it was, he felt minor dampness and some warmth from it; that was a good sign that he was continuing to gain some strength, but it wasn’t enough. 

Disappointed, he sat down in the pooled water that had been sloshed onto the floor.

Despite her obvious frustration she had nothing to read, Lisette didn’t climb back out of the bathtub. She hummed a little, and repeated those mostly mouthed prayers to herself with her eyes closed. 

That caught Beetlejuice’s attention; there may be the possibility she’d slip and say shoggoth again. Or even--dare he hope?!--his name! She’d found the crumpled, stained card in her journal, hadn’t she? He didn’t remember it looking so ratty or singed around the edges, but it’d been through a lot and that didn’t matter anyway; the words were still legible. 

Her lack of reaction to the card was vexing and curious. He’d watched her with bated breath as she sounded out the syllables in his name, but she had no voice at all while she did it; it was even quieter than her prayers. She hadn’t said his name yet, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t! 

But he didn’t hear his name from her lips or feel the pull of it either; the rare times a breather had uttered his name it was like a harpoon driven into his gut. The word latched onto his spine like a hook and dragged him into the land of the living. It was a glorious mix of pain and pleasure, that feeling, made sweeter by the final destination he craved so much. He lost himself in the memory of it for a moment.

A tiny cry, just a decibel louder than her prayers, made him open his eyes again.

From his vantage point near the floor, he couldn’t see anything but the top of her head. She’d sunk deeper into the bath. 

The same noise came from Lisette again, and Beetlejuice stood up to see what she had to be crying about.

The sight that greeted him made his jaw come unhinged. 

She wasn’t crying. At least, not because she was upset. 

Lisette had a hand between her legs. The other cupped her own breast, pinching her nipple to a hard peak. The fingers at her groin moved in circles, and she gave the same little cry every now and then.

Getting over his surprise, Beetlejuice put his hands on the edge of the tub to lean over it a bit. Lisette didn’t react, of course, except to move her hand a little faster, which he didn’t think was for his benefit, even if he liked it. The water in the bath sloshed with her movements, and that plus the position of her leg obscured his vision of the action. With no hesitation, Beetlejuice left the floor to hover over the bathtub for a less obstructed view.

Now he could see her entire body, laid out in the confines of the cast iron tub. She hadn’t dunked her head, but the hair underwater floated around her shoulders. Her eyelids fluttered and her gaze was vacant; she was more focused on her body than her surroundings. Both nipples were tightened and occasionally broke the surface of the water as her movements became less restricted. The hand between her legs moved further down, and she opened her legs and braced her knees against the sides of the tub as her fingers explored more. 

Above her, the front of his trousers were suddenly too tight. Beetlejuice popped the button and unzipped them, freeing his cock, pulling on it leisurely.

Lisette had no clue he was watching her in this private moment, nor that he was stroking himself as he did. She was lost in the pleasure of her own making. Beetlejuice could tell when she breached herself with her own fingers; she gasped more loudly and lifted her hips at the same time. Her hand moved with greater intent then, and her moans matched it.

Beetlejuice’s own hand did too. The fabric of his clothing was annoying, but there also something wicked about jerking off with all his clothes still on and just his dick out. He supposed moral breathers would consider it perverted or dirty, but he couldn’t care less. They’d obviously never tried it.   

Lisette’s other hand released her nipple and snaked down to her groin as well. The first still thrust into her; the second found the spot that made her cry out. Her voice was fuller now as she stimulated herself both ways. She continued to keep the tension in her legs so they were open but tight against the sides of the bathtub to support herself, and that gave Beetlejuice a much better view than if she’d closed her thighs over her hand.

His hand gripped and released his cock. It was hard to match her movements now, as fast as they were, so he focused on the head, giving it a twist every now and then interspersed with a stroke. He imagined being between her legs, her pussy engulfing his cock, so warm against his cold skin it would almost feel like putting his cock in fire. It would be so fucking amazing to sink balls’ deep into her cunt--

Lisette tensed entirely with a prolonged cry. Before she relaxed, Beetlejuice came too, with a groan she didn’t hear, spilling his release into his hand. It’d been so long since he’d jerked off with a live woman present it felt like his balls emptied. In the tub, Lisette let all the tension she’d been holding go, savoring the last of her orgasm. Everything below him became still.

As his cock pulsed through the last of its ejaculation, a drop of semen fell from his hand and ‘plopped!’ right into the water between her knees. 

It was audible, and because his ejaculate was more viscous than water, it twisted and made a trail as it sank.

Lisette lifted her head with a startled expression. She stared at the now dissipating drop, then looked up. 

She didn’t see him. She couldn’t see him! Beetlejuice thought with a mix of frustration and disappointment. There was actual physical proof of him! She stared right at him, floating above her, exposed with his dick in his hand, then her eyes continued upward passed him to the ceiling before dropping them back down to the water with her eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement.

With an annoyed growl, Beetlejuice went back to the floor. It seemed so close! She had to have seen something! He shoved himself back into his trousers, wiped his hand peevishly on one of the towels she’d dropped on the floor and left the bathroom. Still overcome with frustration, he barely heard Lisette lift herself higher out of the tub.

He definitely did not see her looking at the doorway after him. 

tbc

[thefandomfuckery]

The Album (Enhanced)! Review!

Let me start off by saying some obvious things especially to people who read this blog. First off I’m not a Blink. I really like BP a lot, their music is refreshing, their aesthetic is eye-catching, and I think these girls really have something that’ll take them far, I can’t wait to see that, and will support where I can. But compared to my other fan ventures in the rpf in the past, I would not call myself a “Blink”.

I really had to ruminate on this album cause not only is it short but it is a statement as a first album. So I’ll construct my feelings best I can on the short period I’ve had to draft this.

— How You Like That (8/10)

I’ve listened to this song so many times, not because it’s my favorite but because it’s so indulging. And I think it gets a lot of flack for being similarly toned to KTL. If this would have came out after Ice Cream I think it would have been received a little differently. 

Now the lyrics are pure karma revenge. It feels way more invigorating then most songs of the same ilk. Where all of them sound bitter and scorned. This one has enlightened superiority. Which I find is VERY ON BRAND for BP and I really love that. There’s not really any standout lines like in other songs we’ll talk about but I think as a single it’s bombastic and high energy; they saw people liked that in their music and replicated that to a T. I think this does a much better job then similar projects like Work From Home > Down. Same team wants to make the same song but didn’t really understand why the first did so well. 

The instrumentals especially during the chorus are so uniquely earworm. It does not stick to one beat continuously. The slow interludes really bring those high pace parts at the end and into the chorus into higher motion. It really just is a solid song. Is it bombastically THEIR BEST? No. But I think it comes it, steals your money and walks out like a boss.

— Ice Cream ft. Selena Gomez (7/10)

Like the previous I’ve listened to this song a lot and I was actually pretty lukewarm on it for the first few days. It was a fine single. I like the bubblegum splendor of it, the summer taste, the simplicity in it’s finest. And though I still like it, I do think it’s smaller then anything else on the album. It’s fine in that respect, the variety is welcome and I think this will have marketability and uses down the line. Overall it’s just okay.

The music on this one unlike the last, where we hear one continuous beat; lots of American production has this, sometimes it really HITS, the speed up and slow down of the one on Ice Cream really makes you jive, the ice cream truck melody in the back is actually clever, I wish it was slightly more prominent. 

And Lisa’s verse kind of slam dunks the whole song. It’s kinda so clever that I think everyone in the industry should work with them just because of that. 

I actually do like Selena, though I don’t think she adds much with BP because her voice is almost too similar in range and tone. 

THE ONLY PART I WILL CRITIQUE HIGHLY ON IS. WHY WASN’T THE LINE: “Diamonds on my wrist / Coldest with the kiss, so he calls me ICE QUEEN.” <<< I kept singing this instead thinking it was the line and then saw the lyrics and went, wait, why he calling you ice cream!!!!

— Pretty Savage (9/10)

So when I heard this song, with no lyrical context, I went “pretty smooth and sassy” I didn’t have much to connect with other then some of the interludes of the song were nice transitions, which means it’s too calm to make it a single. 

Then I saw the lyrics.

OH MY FUCKING GOD. It’s the baddest bitch song I have ever heard. This is the song SOME GG want to make and pathetically try to emulate this ENERGY but cannot because it sounds fake as fuck. 

The lyrics are so borderline “yes queen step on me with your 6 inch heels” and a big fat call out letter to the world. I mean what else is there to say. 

It’s not super complex production wise, I really like that piano opening and some of the harmonizing “ahhhs”. But where the lyrics speak for the songs I can’t even be disappointed.  

— Bet You Wanna ft. Cardi B (6/10)

I thought I’d have more to say about this song. It was definitely the most HYPED song on the album. But it’s also the shortest song as well. I really want to like this song more then I do but I have issues with it.

First off, the lyrics are kinda super basic. Like even more then Ice Cream. I had to really pay attention to the lyrics cause I kept zoning out and just jamming instead of actually thinking about what this song was. 

It’s kinda just a love song of sorts. It’s not bad, I just think that, yeah of course this will be a single and people aka the GP probably really jam to it because it’s so packaged.

Now about Cardi, I’m not her biggest fan. Women has talent. I like bits of her persona and though I think her verse is fine, she’s barley on the track for a whole 20 seconds. She spit a good verse and though I don’t think her raunchy lyricism that she usually spits would work here exactly, I do feel the lack of that of her talent missing. 

The part of (Ah, I’m gon' make you go blind, every time I walk my hips they don’t lie) and (Higher higher higher high boy better take it up so damn high). I think there needed to be more lyric drops like these with reverb to add some spice to this, we aren’t getting much changes in the music nor speed up / slow downs to pace differently other then Cardi a slight bit. 

I don’t hate it, I just really wanted more. 

— Lovesick Girls (9/10)

I really thought in the process of listening to this song for the first time, “nah this song is way too slow for it’s own good” But then I kept replaying it and though I tried not to comment on the videos or use them for aid in my decision. I think the beat hits and slower drops in the song for the sad melodies were very clever. 

This song is bittersweet high. It’s lyrically a combo of all these feelings of wanting to be a romantic, enjoying the good times, but feeling hurt over the bad. It’s on the verge of being complex for a pop song. Good for breakups!

The lyrics themselves are also so clever, Jennie and Lisa combo rap in the middle was very slick but Rose and Jisoo taking over the melodic sadness really took up their strengths. Jisoo end verse is so heart clenching!

There’s not much else to reminisce on here. I think it’s very well assimilated into one core idea and packs a huge punch. Deep and sound are excellent. 

— Crazy Over You (10/10)

I’m just gonna say it. This is my favorite song on the album. It does not have a second of breathing room. It’s the best energy, it has the best lyrics, the production is THE HIGHEST TIER; the most interesting music incorporation with sounds and add on’s, not too many just a perfect amount!

I’m not gonna sit here and explain all the goodness of the lyrics but “Feels wrong but it's right, right Blacked out, no night light Pinked out like fight night” and “ Got the venom to dead him if he want a snake I mean, sneak, I mean, play hide and seek.” !!!!!!!

It plays the right amount of crazy obsession to it, nothing murderous or stupid. It’s like Lovesick, a concept perfectly contained into one song. This is what I want from them all the time!

— Love to Hate Me (9/10)

I think this is the companion piece to Pretty Savage, the more personal influx of “you gonna hate me, there’s the door.” Again this is always a emotional standpoint lots of artists try to display but it doesn’t come off this cool and calculated. It’s almost too good for it’s own good. It can also be good for women with too jealous of partners, it has multiple layers. 

This one borders up to a perfect 10, I just wish the music had a bit more PUSH. I think the halts in the music cool downs are good and Lisa’s rap really mic drops the whole thing, it actually could’ve ended there! 

— You Never Know (5/10)

I called this one the dark horse the second I finished the album. It kinda is the mismatched piece in the whole album. I want to give it credit with the range it shows of the girls but at the same time, it’s not vocally interesting to be ballad like nor is it lyrically infused with interesting lines or verses to give it flavor. 

I tried just listening, then lyrically analyzing, and then infusion of both but I honestly can’t get a good stance on this song. It feels confused? It almost felt self reflecting in the lyrics but then it kind of incorporates random elements that didn’t feel like it jived. Just one long stagnate beat across the whole song. 

I’ve felt this way about their other more, acoustic ballad like songs. So this isn’t really a shock to me, I’m not sure if this is just a kpop choice, Korean ballads aren’t really the same as ones in the west, or if I just don’t connect with the song emotionally. 

— Total Score: 7.8

For their first album I think this is a solid statement. It has good range, it has impressive collabs, it showcases their talents. I think there could be good room for polish with certain songs to make them work even better but overall it really feels like AN ALBUM and not an EP. I think they could have released 2 more songs in here so instead of 6 new songs with the release we could’ve had a solid 8 with a 10 track album. But it works. I rather have a more complete work then filler. 

With a side note: This album really felt like it was suppose to be released in the Spring? Maybe it was but with the COVID and all that jazz it got pushed. But the more and more I thunk on it, the more it felt like the songs, especially the singles would have thrived better in the Summer season. I don’t think this detracts from the success it’s just a thought, realistically music release is all about timing so anything could be more or less of a hit because of when to release. 

I’ll be very anxious to see what they do with their future singles and hopefully their next album exceeds this one. I think they’re at their best when they dig deep and go musically beyond their peers. I’d even be interested in them changing format because some of their songs in layout have a lot of similarties. It’s a good formula but their evolution would interest me highly. 

[seyaryminamoto]

Do you think they could make Azula gay in the netflix live-action? Many people in the fandom seem to think she had a thing for Ty Lee. I don't see it, but do you think they could retcon the show just to pander to shippers?

Somehow I knew this sort of question would pop up in my inbox one day. I just did. Such foresight powers I have (?)

Anyways, the answer got pretty long, but I hope it’s comprehensive enough in regards of why I don’t think it’s likely, why, even if it happens, we shouldn’t freak out about it regardless of if it negates our headcanons, and why, on top of it all any characterization the ATLA cast gets in the liveaction should be judged as part of a second timeline, removed from the first, and analyzed as such.

Alright, first of all... despite what popular opinion these days would have everyone believe, a character’s sexuality and sexual identity are not the only relevant and important factors in them; in fact, I wouldn’t even call them the most important factors unless you’re outright telling a story with very specific socially critical purposes in mind. Yes, you can deal with these subjects in stories that aren’t exclusively about sexuality, and yes, it offers important representation to communities that were largely unseen for the bulk of human history. But making a character’s entire story arc revolve around nothing but sexuality and their struggles because of it is actually a failure at offering good representation? The point in having media featuring representation in the form of diverse fictional characters is based on allowing minorities to see themselves in this kind of content and for majorities to understand these minorities and their stories are just as valid as theirs are. If minorities are reduced to a single aspect of their multifacetic lives, the only thing the story in question would achieve is turning a character with the potential to be dynamic and complex into some flat minority stereotype, throwing away the countless human complexities through which media can tell rich and important stories that do provide genuine, quality representation to these communities.

Ergo, if Azula were written as a gay character in this Netflix adaptation, this aspect of the reworked character should not, and frankly, CANNOT, be the only thing that matters about her. Azula has a large role to play in this story, a role related to the war, her family, her friends and her nation, and a lot of her complexities stem from how she deals with all these subjects, none of which have anything to do with romance or sexuality. Therefore, I’m pretty sure a lot of us loved her character for reasons that had nothing to do with her interactions with potential love interests, whether they’re of her same or opposite sex: Azula has always been SO MUCH MORE than whatever we’ve headcanoned her sexuality to be, and this is something I hope everyone keeps in mind for this liveaction show.

We need to stick to our priorities, to a fault, as Azula’s fans: whatever sexuality or love interests she’s given, if she’s given either thing to begin with, her story isn’t exclusively about that. So, if Bryke decide to alter this aspect of her original characterization by dialing up Azula’s love life, it’s not the driving aspect of the character and it’s not the only thing we should be concerned with when it comes to her new portrayal in the future liveaction show, regardless of whether said sexuality agrees with our headcanons or disagrees with them.

Alright, then. After that particular clarification had been made... I’m of the opinion that Bryke have indeed pandered to shippers and fans in the past, namely in their sequel show and certain later announcements related to it, announcements that were basically the LOK version of “Dumbledore was gay all along but I thought it’d hurt the book sales and that’s why I only said so in a press conference after the final book was a bestseller and my bank accounts were overflowing” (by which I mean, the last-minute sudden “Aiwei (the dead guy) and Kya (Aang’s daughter) are also gay” comments Bryke made post-Book 4 to convince people they were aboslutely pro-LGBT and their world was very diverse despite said diversity only became known in the final scene of the show and was never portrayed positively or properly through these side-and-background characters...?).

So, would I say, categorically, that Bryke would NEVER write Azula as a gay character if they thought it’d make their show more popular? Nope, I can’t. I really don’t trust them enough to think they’ll prioritize top-of-the-line storytelling over pandering to the crowd that will cheer them on most loudly.

THAT BEING SAID...!

The story they told with Azula in ATLA, despite what certain people are convinced of, had a very straight-forward message, one that I didn’t like very much, especially since that message seemed to render irrelevant the character’s incredible storytelling potential and remarkable complexities. Where Azula could have been so many things, in the show’s finale she became some sort of flat, sad warning stating: “don’t try to control people through fear or they’ll turn against you and you’ll end up all alone.”

As much as I have no doubts Bryke will want to incorporate new themes and somewhat “update” ATLA into more progressive times, I really doubt they’ll sacrifice the story they’re apparently so proud of having told through Azula only to pander to a specific part of ATLA’s audience. For that matter, there’s been a growing movement promoting many same-sex ships and trans interpretations of virtually ALL ATLA characters, so if they were to pander to the fanbase through Azula, why her? And if they do pick her, why stop there? If they do stop there, then they’re not being inclusive enough with their fandom. Why satisfy one portion of the fandom and not satisfy the other ones too? :’D

Worse yet, accusations of foul play will absolutely be guaranteed to rise when a potentially gay Azula isn’t given a redemption (because, considering the latest Azula-related comments by the creators and comic writers, they’re not likely to do it this time either), because “irredemably evil lesbian trope, that’s so sexist and homophobic!” And with that, the long, glorious time ATLA has spent as the golden, poster child of western animation will suddenly be overrun with the very same hysterical purity police that has overtaken all newer fandoms and filled them with antis who attack creators, writers, actors and other fans for creating or supporting “toxic” content.

Point and case being... if they don’t stray from the story they already told, they have a slam dunk since a lot of people will love the show if it’s virtually the same as the one they watched when growing up. All they have to do is alter a few events, maybe expand on a few things, stall the story for a few more years so the actors can age realistically and not be overworked... and tadaaaah! You have a blockbuster! Change fundamental aspects of characters by adding new factors to pander to certain fan demographics? You’d basically be poking a wasp’s nest and hoping they will turn out to be honeybees instead, ESPECIALLY if the character being coded as LGBT is either evil or fated to die, as both those tropes are what seem to incense that side of fandoms more than anything else.

If they want to write Azula as openly gay, they’d have to alter her general character message and whole arc to avoid the guaranteed problems I’ve pointed out up here. Paired with this? They’d have to retcon their recently established “the Fire Nation became homophobic in Sozin’s time!” canon imposed by LOK’s comics, so, if they stick with this tidbit of recent LGBT info, a gay Azula would most likely have to be a highly repressed lesbian who can’t even accept herself? It’s not impossible to tell that story... but it kind of feels counterproductive, and absolutely discouraging too for people who are struggling to come to terms with their own sexuality to see themselves reflected in a repressed character who most likely will meet the same depressing end she does in ATLA.

Now, my final point: again, I can’t say it’s impossible that this might happen. But EVEN IF Bryke decide that this is how their new story will work, and the new Azula will be gay, and they change everything so it’s non-problematic and they successfully avoid being chased with pitchforks by the purity police...

A new characterization doesn’t negate the one from the original show in the least. The first ATLA is what it is, a finished product that can be judged and interpreted in a thousand ways, and has been, for the past 10+ years. A new canon does NOT overrule an old one, a thought that I’m sure the very same purity and nostalgia police I’ve mentioned will absolutely adhere to once the new story changes ANYTHING and they don’t like it. Whatever new possibilities they test out with a new story don’t have to be taken as facts that apply to every iteration of the characters. For reference, imagine judging every Marvel comics character for the actions and behavior of their MCU counterparts. Imagine people raging at Peter Quill in the comic books because he’s in love with Kitty Pryde and how DARES he cheat on Gamora with her?!

... Just how would that make any sense? :’) Likewise, it would make no sense to behave this way with ATLA and its future liveaction adaptation. What happens in the liveaction concerns the liveaction. What happened in the original show can serve as a guideline for the liveaction, if anything, a frame of reference, but they can (and will) change elements in the story as they please in the new adaptation. However similar as they might be, they’re TWO stories, and they should work perfectly well as standalone shows.

Let’s look at it from the opposite POV, to further illustrate my point: if the new show SOMEHOW made Sokkla canon, unlikely and damn near impossible as it is: that doesn’t make it canon in the original ATLA. Hence, if I were to run out in the streets screaming Sokkla is real and endgame in EVERY POSSIBLE VERSION OF ATLA, the entire world would have every right to throw rotten eggs at me and tell me to shut the fuck up because it’s not true, it’s only real in the liveaction, and that doesn’t have any bearing on the original show.

Same principle applies with a potential gay Azula :’) Even if it happens, it’s liveaction only. The original show remains what it is, and her characterization there can be interpreted and derived from as we see fit.

To close this answer, I confess that I, personally, have next to no interest in this liveaction remake. I can’t even say I’ll watch any of it. For one thing, I’m really annoyed by the trend there is these days to turn animation into liveaction, because it seriously feels like an underlying way to say that liveaction is somehow the superior choice for audiovisual storytelling and that really grinds my gears. Animation has been fascinating media for me for years, I’ve always felt it’s more versatile than liveaction, and if I ever happened to write something that gets an onscreen adaptation, I’d probably choose animation over liveaction even if I’m not given a choice on the matter :’) So, for starters, I’m not happy with the notion of a liveaction remake for this show. If they wanted to remake ATLA and had chosen to do so with animation, I’d definitely be much more interested. But this way? Uh... not my cup of tea.

So, whatever Bryke want to do with this new product is absolutely their business (same as it was their business with ATLA, frankly). People will criticize it, that’s a guaranteed thing, and people will love it, and people will be angry, and people will be happy. But I’m probably not going to be one of any of these people this time around. The only way I would likely enjoy that show would be if it’s a genuine, critical overhaul of everything they did in the original show, reworking many key aspects of MANY characters, no matter if the main anecdote remains intact. And considering how highly self-critical the recent ATLA-related content has been, I doubt I’ll get my wish. So... good luck to everyone who wants to watch this liveaction, have fun, I won’t spoil it for you by dumping on it this time as I did with the comics, but I certainly won’t be joining any of your parades much either :’D

[thefigureinthecorner]

tama-rrow will be kinder- an am archives playlist

at least 3 months and 31 songs later and this monster of a playlist finally has a cover hell yeah

the pun title is....... literally the only fun thing about this playlist, actually.

song notes, and also spoilers, under the cut

a lot of these songs are mood songs; the lyrics don’t have a whole lot of relevance. most of them do have at least some lyrical relevance, though, provided that the song has any lyrics at all. it’s p much just the songs that helped me draw all that Good Good Angst

also important to note: I started making it after episode 9, so it’s mostly relevant to the back half of the show, and especially to the last couple of episodes.

again, this is 31 songs and over 2 hours long, so the notes are........ kind of long

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light/'Cause oh that gave me such a fright/But I will hold as long as you like/Just promise me we'll be alright

Desert Song - My Chemical Romance

this is one of those songs that’s there primarily for mood reasons; i added it right after episode 9 came out and it was on loop pretty much the whole time i was drawing stuff for that episode. the lyrics are kinda relevant, but not enough for me to pull out any specific lines.

The World Is Ugly - My Chemical Romance

this was added for mood reasons after 9, but then it became relevant.

I just wanted you to know/That the world is ugly/But you're beautiful to me/Are you thinking of me/Like I'm thinking of you/I would say I'm sorry, though/Though I really need to go

The Light Behind Your Eyes - My Chemical Romance

yes, there are three mcr songs in a row, and no, i’m not gonna apologize for that. the am archives slam dunked me right back into my emo phase. also, this song just straight-up hurts. like, the whole thing.

If I could be with you tonight/I would sing you to sleep/Never let them take the light behind your eyes/I failed and lost this fight/Never fade in the dark/Just remember you will always burn as bright

In Case You Don't Live Forever - Ben Platt

my one note for this song is: ow.

I've waited way too long to say/Everything you mean to me/In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now/I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around/In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth/I'm everything that I am because of you

Spanish Sahara - Foals

this one’s another mood song, but it does have some lines that work; the forget the horror here sections are the biggest reason this song ended up on the playlist, actually, mood aside.

Hot Gates - Mumford & Sons

mood mostly, but also:

And I can't be for you all of the things you want me to/But I will love you constantly/There's precious little else to me/And though we cry, we must stay alive

Iridescent - Linkin Park

When you were standing in the wake of devastation When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown And with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now You were there impossibly alone

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation You build up hope but failure's all you've known Remember all the sadness and frustration And let it go, let it go

Gone Away - SafetySuit

again: ow.

i just... go look at the lyrics. do it. it hurts.

POWERLESS - Linkin Park

it’s mostly here for mood, but the lyrics feel relevant in a way that i can’t pinpoint but it’s a way that hurts.

Daylight - Boyce Avenue

i have other connections to this specific cover of this song that make it Extra Painful but like Daylight started playing literally right after Crazy while i was at CVS and i was like hey hi excuse me i just wanted to get some Arizona w h y

anyway.

Here I am staring at your perfection/In my arms, so beautiful/The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out/Somebody slow it down/This is way too hard/'Cause I know, when the sun comes up/I will leave, this is my last glance/That will soon be memory

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

ah. the Quintessential Sad Medical Drama Song. not that tama is a medical drama but like it kinda gave me those vibes at times?? anyway. it’s here for mood more than anything but there are some lyrics in it that hurt

The Winner Takes It All - ABBA

not even abba is safe from tama angst.

no seriously though i got this song stuck in my head and had an aw fuck come on seriously???? ABBA?????? you’re making ABBA hurt???????? moment

re: joan and owen

The gods may throw a dice/Their minds as cold as ice/And someone way down here/Loses someone dear/The winner takes it all/The loser has to fall/It's simple and it's plain/Why should I complain

and re: joan and wadsworth

I don't want to talk/If it makes you feel sad/And I understand/You've come to shake my hand/I apologize/If it makes you feel bad/Seeing me so tense/No self-confidence/But you see/The winner takes it all

I Of The Storm - Of Monsters and Men

Are you really gonna love me when I'm gone?/I fear you won't/I fear you don't/And it echoes when I breathe/Until all you see is my ghost/Empty vessel, crooked teeth/Wish you could see/And they call me under/And I'm shaking like a leaf/And they call me under/And I wither underneath

Hail To Whatever You Found In The Sunlight That Surrounds You - Rilo Kiley

this one is 100% a mood song. i’ve debated taking it off the playlist but it just... gets me in the right headspace for drawing tama art, i guess?? something about the sadness/anxiety in the song or something i think

Fear - Sleeping At Last

it’s instrumental, so yeah, mood song

For Good - Wicked

i’ve made art based on this song, but i didn’t even use the lyrics that actually hurt the most?

And just to clear the air/I ask forgiveness/For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know/There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Empty Chairs At Empty Tables - Les Miserables

yeah so realizing how well this song fit kind of felt like what i would imagine getting hit by a train feels like

the whole song fits. just trust me on this.

All Gone (No Escape) - Gustavo Santaolalla

another instrumental one that’s mood-only, but i was rewatching a last of us playthrough as a reference for a thing and this song popped up towards the end and i was like “ah, that hurts, i need it”

All Is Well (It's Only Blood) - Radical Face

y’know what? the song’s pretty short. have all the lyrics, and i’m sorry.

All is well now Pay no mind All is well now I'm just fine I'm just fine It's only blood; I have plenty left It's only blood; I just need to rest I said I'd fix this That I'd set things straight You begged me not to But I couldn't stay Couldn't wait They cut me up, but I did them worse And I'll be fine, I just need to rest All is well now All is well now All is well now All is well now

......yeah.

when i heard it, i swear to god it replicated that exact sinking feeling i felt in the pit of my stomach when i first listened to episode 15. it fits way too well, and i have too many feelings about this song, and hhhhhhh

After the Storm - Mumford & Sons

And I won't die alone and be left there Well I guess I'll just go home, Oh God knows where Because death is just so full and man so small Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before

The Trapeze Swinger - Iron & Wine

someone in the tag mentioned this song and i’ve been crying over it ever since

it’s just. 9 minutes of jesus christ, ow, what the fuck

Winter Song - The Head and the Heart

this one’s mostly here for mood, but some of the lyrics do fit and they hurt, like “we’re just praying that we’re doing this right/but that’s not the way it seems”; joan realizing that she’s been going about the tier 5 clear out the wrong way and the costly mistakes that come with that.

Touch - Sleeping At Last

i think this one’s mostly for the mood, but there’s something in the lyrics that make me think of joan in the finale; that kind of numb, “none of this feels real” denial of everything that’s happened both to her and to the people she loves.

Silhouette - Owl City

this song hurts especially in the context of the “i need you to be happy” line, i think; the line changing between “will i ever feel again//will i ever smile again//will i ever love again” is just, like, a trifecta of pain

The fire I began, is burning me alive But I know better than to leave and let it die I'm a silhouette asking every now and then Is it over yet? Will I ever smile again? I'm a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own But the more I try to move on the more I feel alone So I watch the summer stars to lead me home

All Is Well (Goodbye, Goodbye) - Radical Face

fun fact! all is well (it’s only blood) has a companion song!! because you know what’s better than one angst? two angst!!

And I have lost your face It slips between my fingers now And all the world is gray As though you took the colors with you When you went and passed away

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday - Jason Mraz

this one’s on my joan/owen playlist too, but it hurt too much to not put it here.

And if we get to see tomorrow I hope it's worth all the wait It's hard to say goodbye to yesterday

And I'll take with me the memories To be my sunshine after the rain It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

Cradle and All - Audra McDonald

i’m just sitting here, innocently listening to joan’s playlist, when this song pops up and i’m like aw fuck aw shit no goddammit

It's not like he didn't love, no, that I couldn’t conceive There are many ways a man can stay And many ways that he can leave

--

Oh hush, oh hush, don't be scared I know that you tried, I know cared Let's put it behind us, that noise in the hall

We All Go the Same - Radical Face

i’ve made art for this song, too! it hurts. it’s sad. it’s about death. it’s got sad piano. what more explanation do you want

Light In The Hallway - Pentatonix

it’s.... comforting in a sad way, idk. it felt like it fit, especially towards the end of this playlist.

Tomorrow Will Be Kinder - The Secret Sisters this song is kind of like... sad and optimistic at the same time. i wanted to end this playlist on at least kind of a lighter note, and i think this song does that. it works with the finale; sad, not quite recovered, but still looking towards the future and knowing things can still be better despite every terrible thing that’s happened.

also, it’s where the pun title comes from.

Sorrow weighs my shoulders down And trouble haunts my mind But I know the present will not last And tomorrow will be kinder

Tomorrow will be kinder It's true, I've seen it before A brighter day is coming my way Yes, tomorrow will be kinder

Today I've cried a many tear And pain is in my heart Around me lies a somber scene I don't know where to start

[helloitsme103]

In This House

Part 1?

“I don’t think I’ve seen you before.” I mumble under my breath. It’s been years since someone has entered his house. Longer since they were pretty like this one was. “Who are you?” He barked from the love seat. He was bleeding pretty badly. The remains of his shirt were pathetic for him but entertaining for me. I swear to god, or whichever one made this man, they were gracious to this guy for sculpting him into a model of a being. “Oh calm down hun. You ain’t gonna die on me. Not today. No sir.” I call from the retro kitchen I call my lab. It was cute for what it was. Black and white tiles for floor and complentary back splash with accents in the form of of yellow painted cabinets and silver appliences that were seemingly updated every few years. Or.. what counts as years in a place like this. From the doorway I hear a very much irritated and painful groan. “Okay-Okay-! Hold on now!” I call as I turn off the sink. I quickly get the bucket of water from the sink- carefully though since we don’t want that baby to spill- and a med kit from my side cabinet. “On my way hunny!” I scurry into the more modern living room. The floors a dark brown and the furniture being a contrasting white. Light, sky blue walls make a more cheerful welcome than that of the hot mess of the man bleeding out on my favorite love seat. “I swear, you need to take a chill pill sometimes y’know that?” I remind him ask I make my way towards him. “W-who?” He asks through his grogginess. “Great. Left you out too long. Hold on.” I pop open my kit and take out a jar of powder I wish I could keep. With a few twists the top of the jar comes off with a satisfying pop. “God this is my favorite part.” I say just loud enough to get his attention. “Wha-” I smirk as I shover this under his nose. Direct hit. He inhales and goes into a coughing fit. Thank god I’ve done this for as long as I have. “Oh calm down hun, it wont kill ya.” I look through my bag, all the while ignoring his curses and comments. “Calm down why don’tcha. Take a seat, have a load off.” I tease while looking up and down at him while I still have a chance. Again, what a looker we have. Blonde hair, nice blood red eyes, wonder who gave him all these slashes. Again, rest in pieces his..? Is this a suite? I reach out for his chest, eyes locking his. “Whatcha doin?” He snarls. “Im going to remove your shirt.Is that alright?” For a moment he glares at me. “Not gonna drug me or some shit?” His shoulders tense a little. “Okay for one, the thing you just smelt was supposed to keep you awake and numb you up. Can have you falling asleep on me right now.” I hear him growl but his muscles loosen up. “As for everything else after this, which I don’t think I’d need to give you, I’ll always ask for your consent first. Got it?” I turn back to my kit and pull out another jar. When I turn back to him, his gaze is else were. “Hello?” He makes a noise resembling “Fine and “Hurrmph.” I rolled my eyes. “Okay then mr. I don’t give a damn.” I place the jar down on the floor. swiftly, I poke on of his wounds. “OW! The HELL!?” I smirk and bat my eyes. “Oh I’m so sorry-! How reckless of me!” 

“Is this how you take care of people witch?!” He howls. Oh we’re playing this game huh? I go though my case and pull out a letter opener. “Is this how you talk to people asshole!?” I yell. His eyes go wide and his hands begin to pop from the arms of the chair. That’s a new one.. His hands go for my head. That’s not a new one. “The hell are you-?” I don’t hesitate to tear open his shirt and throw the opener into the wall behind me. I get the jar I had and pop it open. “’Not gonna kill ya here. I don’t think anyone can truly die here. But damn do wounds hurt.” I recount dryly. “And don’t test that theory. I’m living proof of it.” I chuckle. I see him shuffle in the now copper chair as I get the the salve on my fingers. “Stay still. I know it feels weird but calm down.” He flinches when I get close to him but I keep my eyes on my work. Eventually I cover all of his wounds with the salve, him hissing and biting his lip. “Y’know its okay to scream. Most of the most masculine of people i’ve seen have screamed when encountering this.” He only glares at me and bites his lip harder. Shrugging, I let him keep this up. “Okay then. You aren’t really proving anything but fine.” I reach for a towel nearby and dunk it into my bucket. “You are very stubborn.” A glance makes its way towards me. I laugh at his attempt to be scary. “You must hear that a lot.” After a few minutes of staring at his struggling, I wring out the towel. “Now this is gonna sting. No judgement if you pass out or scream. This isn’t a challenge. It’s a fact.” He turns his head away from me and closes his eyes. Can we get an F in chat for what this man is gonna go through? 

“Trust me when i say this is gonna hurt me much more than this is gonna hurt you.” I mumble and press the thing on his chest. A scream unlike any other fills the house. Someone call Guko ‘cus this man takes the cake when it comes to screams. I stand my ground though, and make sure to wash out any wounds that I rubbed salve in. Don’t worry about him. The screaming stopped after about a minute of this. When I got done with him it was an hour later. In that time he was cleaned up, bandaged, band-aided, and set to bed in the guest room. “This one is a fire cracker.” I mumble before setting on a new record. When the player eventually starts a song I don’t reccogise starts. Its poppy, happy in tone, determined even and it gets faster. The same could be said with a feeling of hope in my chest. While I continue to sweep, more songs like this come on. All similar but unique in their own right. In a way it’s refereshing to what I’m used to. Eventually I get done and check the time. Even though it dosent matter in the long run, time keeps me sane here. The phone ends up ringing soon after. I exhale once again and answer one of the many phones this house has to offer. This one is old. It is a land line. Attached to the wall and always on. Gray in color, brick like too. There isn’t much to say with it that is of interest. Even its own ring is boring. I pick up “Hello?” I ask once again. “My hero Academy.” A monotone, computer like voice says. I sigh “Hold on for a moment.” I put the phone down and rush to the kitchen. On the counter is a worn, old, yellow, note pad and a black pen. Scribbled on it is a list going down. 

Batman: The animated series

Harry Potter: Books

The Princess Bride: Movie

Many other titles litter the page. Many that I have come to known and bitterly love. For better or worse. 

When I recover from my own memories I wipe away the tears that threaten to fall. “Cmon now. Let’s get back to work.” I remind myself and make my way back to the hall, this time with my tools. “Yes? Hello I’m back. What did you say again?” I pick up the pen in one hand and hold the phone in my other. “My Hero Academia: anime.” I cock a brow at that. “Onime?” I question. “My Hero Academia: ANIME.” I shake my head at the slower but louder voice. “Yesyesyes, I get it! Calm down.” I roll my eyes and sigh as I write it down. “Can you tell me who you are now?” I try. The line dies on me. What else was I expecting? “Wonderful.” I growled. Thoughtlessly, I slam the phone into its holder. For a moment I question. Random things mostly but I ground myself eventually. I always do somehow. “This is bull crap.” I mumble. My week walk me to the wall. I place my head on it and hide in my hair for a good minute. “Cmon. You can do this. We’ve gotten this far.” One inhale. One exhale. And my feet take me to the living room. The loveseat is gone, but there is always the couch I guess. I jump over the rest and sit on the cushioned seat. As always the remote is by my side. Always the left, never the right. There isn’t a lot of buttons on the remote. No numbers but there is a switch for channels and volume but the channel button dosent work. No information or exiting. There is an on and off though. Along with a pause and play there was fast forward and what have you. I don’t really use those that often though. What I do used however, this the microphone. “Please play My Hero Acedemia?” I say into the head of the mic. from the ceiling, a projector slowly rolls down, covering almost all of the wall. before showing the title of the show. My hero acAdemia. Okay, whatever.” The intro started. “What things are you going to make me feel My Hero?”

[chyrstis]

I won’t ask for much (but just this once, I’d like you) 5/10

Here’s the halfway point, and it’s a bit of a whopper. I think this is probably my favorite chapter out the entire thing, with the first a very close second. The talk by the fire was one of the earliest scenes that gelled for me when planning the entire fic out, and I knew that if I wasn’t able to write much else, I at least wanted to get that part down on paper.

And if things go according to plan, I might have a little something extra to add to this tonight. ;)

Pairing: Sharky Boshaw x John Seed Rating: E (but only for Ch. 10, the rest are a solid T) Word Count: 7.3K  

Link to AO3!

Ch. 1 / Ch. 2 / Ch. 3 / Ch. 4 / Ch. 5 / Ch. 6 / Ch. 7 / Ch. 8 / Ch. 9 / Ch. 10

(and there’s a bonus fic to go with this one too)

—

Sharky steals a boat. It just happens to be John’s boat, and when it’s damaged along with his boathouse, John proceeds to lay out a means of having Sharky pay him back. [No Cult AU]

———–

Maybe the work schedule wasn’t as ironclad a thing as it used to be.

John liked routine, sure, and had been real anal about it when Sharky had first started out, but there was a flexibility to it now. It was no longer always about when, so long as it was done, and he could work with that.

So, he took a morning off when he needed it. Took on a few more jobs around town for anyone willing to let him shoulder it, and if there was any overlap, all it took was one message to clear it up. John was willing to work with him now, and that alone was a relief.

...But if some nights lead to more chances to hang with him one-on-one without working, Sharky didn’t complain either. Got more time around John’s plane, and even got to pitch in when it came to working on his car too.

The real shocker for him on days when he did have to work, though, had been the fresh boards and nails set. The signs that someone else had been working down there when he hadn’t.

When he’d asked, John didn’t confirm it. He didn’t deny it either, but after ten minutes of standing around and talking with him, he grabbed a nearby hammer and took a spot right next to him. Went right to work, without even batting an eye, and Sharky couldn’t believe it. Grinned brightly at him as he punched him in the shoulder, and found he wanted John there for once.

This was starting to feel a whole lot like he’d made a friend.

One that was cagey in a whole lot of ways still, and one he couldn’t exactly pop down on the couch with for a weekend of pizza, beer, and porn to sort through, but close. And thinking it over, he didn’t find himself minding the change all too much either.

But some nights John needed to shift things around, and when Sharky woke up that morning nursing a hangover, he had a message waiting for him.

Family, John mentioned, the text sent at an hour that made his head pound harder. Have to reschedule. Sorry.

no bg deal he sent back, fumbling at his phone. hollar if you need me ltr no plns

Then went right back to sleep. With the day open, he spent the morning seeing how long he could go without pants before anyone else dropped by.  

All too quiet after that, he’d nearly gone stir crazy when Hurk called, wanting his expertise on a special job. One that was better suited to two heads rather than his one. Or better yet, four hands, each for holding a stick of their brand of high explosive. That’s how they fished, and sure, it stirred up every other critter in the area, but as long as they weren’t ambushed by bears or cougars, it was a risk worth taking.

Mid-throw was when his phone went off. Just a message, not a call, but it made his pipe bomb go wide, and nearly had the two of them go for a dunk themselves.

Change in plans. Come over.

No further clarification, no explanation from John; just those words. Not that he went off on long tangents through text, but it was the quickest turnaround Sharky had seen yet, and he actually pulled out his phone to call him.

Holding a finger to one of his ears to block some of the sound, he waited. Heard the echo of an explosion in one, and ringing in the other only to get nothing but John’s voicemail.

“Hey, I’m going to have to cut out on this.”

“Now?” Hurk asked, with a stick of dynamite in each hand. “Just when I was thinking of getting ol’ Sally out?”

Sharky never held up well in the face of his cousin’s disappointment, especially when he pulled out that tone of voice, but held strong. 

“Yeah, sorry. It’s…I’ve got this weird message to check out, and you can never tell if it’s gonna be the good kind or the bad kind until it’s hitting you in the face, and there’s not a whole lot to go on here.”

“Fine, get on out, go, go, go. I’ll be here for a while, but if I catch something cool you’ll be sad you missed out.”

Pulling up to John’s place, Sharky still hadn’t pinned down what the problem was. The boathouse catching fire wasn’t likely. He’d put out any cigarettes over by the picnic table, ‘cause he’d made too much progress there to blow it now.

Ticking off other options on his fingers, he narrowed them down as he made his way to the front, and was still down to two when he hit the doorbell.

The door swung open, but John wasn’t the one waiting on the other side.

It was Jacob Seed.

Ex-military. Private. Rocked the rowdiest set of scars he’d ever seen on a person. At least, judging from the ones he could see on his face. Probably hunted guys in the woods for sport, or at least thought about it, and had the training to do it if he wanted to.

Sharky could count on his fingers the number of times he’d run into the guy outside of the odd job in the mountains, but he knew he wasn’t the kind, friendly, approachable type. No, standing taller than most, Jacob didn’t trade more than a handful of words with anyone outside of Eli Palmer, and maybe the local hunters up north.

And if he thought John was bad, Jacob’s stare was a full-blown weapon. It made Sharky squirm on the spot. 

“Uh, yo.”

“Boshaw.”

“How’s it going?” he asked, smiling a little too wide to keep it casual.

Jacob shrugged. “It’s going. You?”

“Kinda. Something’s always going. it’s just not going much right now if you get what I’m-well, what I’m getting at.”

Get what I’m getting at? What the hell was that?

The longer Jacob kept him there, the more he was going to try and fidget his way out of there, and he knew he was being read. Maybe even being messed with at this point, but he didn’t cut and run. Not yet.

“Is John around?”

“You here for something?”

“Yeah it’s…you know about the whole working-with-your-younger-bro thing, right? How I’m down by the river, putting shit up, and trying to make that entire area pretty again? Well, he got a hold of me. Mentioned wanting to work, and thinks he can snap his fingers and I’ll jump or something.”

Jacob’s glance took on an amused bent. “Does he? How high?”

“Uh, I can jump up to three, maybe four feet, but that’s not…it isn’t-”

That was it. That was it in a nutshell, and joking about it didn’t make it any easier to swallow.

Groaning, he crossed his arms and didn’t even bother looking Jacob in the eye this time around. “So, is he here, or…?”

Jacob moved his head, motioning behind him, and stepped aside. “He’s upstairs.”

With the path now open, Sharky took it a little faster than needed, not wanting to hang back too much or stay close to Jake. But that left him standing in the middle of John’s ranch house - and seeing the whole thing in full for the first time was a lot to take in at once.

Because when he’d mentioned loving nature shit, this was that on steroids. Like someone had told John this was what a cabin should’ve looked like instead of what one actually was. The antlers, the chandelier, the fucking bear skin rug? All surrounding one giant, roaring fireplace? It wasn’t even cold yet, and John had the whole thing done up to the nines.

That had him chuckling as Jacob took a few steps towards him. 

“Something funny?”

Jolting slightly, Sharky shoved his hands into his pockets.  

“I, uh…no. Okay, a little. You ever see those Hallmark movies? The ones set at Christmas, or just up in the mountains?”

Jacob craned his head towards him. 

“Y’know, the kind where two people are snowed in, having to wait it out and huddle for warmth and shit?”

“No.”

Okay, so maybe he hadn’t seen too many either, but he’d seen the one. Hadn’t even been one of those parody pornos dressed up as one, so he had some genuine experience there.

“Well, uh, the place looks like that. Like, John’s staging it for something along those lines. Just for cuddling, huddling, and uh…yeah. Holiday stuff.”

“Stuff.”

“Stuff and things, yeah.” That actually got a snort out of Jacob, and Sharky gave himself a mental pat on the back. “I’m serious. Like that couch is primed for mistletoe and some uh, ho ho-holy shit, I’ll stop now.”

There was the sound of a door being slammed, and Sharky jumped. Seconds after, he caught John on the upper level as he strode towards the stairs, and breathed a sigh of relief.

Sharky called up to him. “Yo, man. Thought I’d need to-“

That’s when he caught the dark look crossing John’s face for the first time. That, and the actual speed with which he was walking. Asking was a mistake, but it was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

“Uh, John? You okay, amigo? You want me to come back another-“

John grabbed his arm as he passed by, and dragged Sharky along with him. Right past a concerned Jake, and right past the front door, leading him down towards the dirt road.

“Whoa, hey, wait!”

Nothing clicked, not his words and not the way he tried to pull away. John was a man possessed, focused only on a single point, and that didn’t sit well with him at all.

“Seriously, dude, stop!”

Sharky planted his feet, and yanked his arm out of the grip. That brought John to a stop, and Sharky watched him slowly turn towards him. Breathing harder than he should’ve been, Sharky took off his cap and brushed a hand through his hair. 

“What the fuck, man?”

Tense, and with his jaw locked, John didn’t even bother giving him a response. Just a stare that would’ve killed any other person dead if he’d had the ability. Still, he wasn’t chasing him off, or leaving, and that made Sharky keep on trying.

“You wanna talk or something? You really look like…”

“What I want,” John bit out as he walked right up to him, “is to get as far away from that fucking house as possible. I don’t care where as long as it’s not here.”

Sharky sucked in a breath, not prepared for that level of venom or John’s sudden proximity, and let it out. “Uh, okay. Shit, let’s…let’s go then. Not like I was in the mood to work anyway.”

Shuffling around him, Sharky started back towards his car, and waved for John to follow.  The heat of his stare wasn’t as bad from this distance, but it didn’t let up until John dropped it to climb into the passenger side of the vehicle. He fired the car up after that, hoping the damn thing wouldn’t stall, and the two sped out of there before anyone could come calling.

“Now I know what works for me whenever shit like that gets me down.”

Sharky turned on the radio only for John to flip it off. Balking at him again, Sharky noted that this time the road was the one having to deal with John glaring at it, and he tried to keep as light a tone as he could manage.

“Anyway, you need an outlet. Something to kick all that negative shit in the balls hard enough to make three family lines regret it. So, you can shrug it off, get up, and go back to living life like you want to. Maybe this won’t be your thing every time, but I think you might like this.”

“…Like what?”

“Well, I’d explain it to you, but this is one of those things where it’s better just to give it a try. Not to spoil any of the surprise as we head on out, but it rhymes with…shit. What rhymes with burn?”

Urn. Turn. Learn. Yearn. That was a good one. Not that he needed it for anything, but it was good to know. Fuck. Did he say burn out loud too?

Swearing under his breath, Sharky shook his head. “Anyway, a little ‘Burn, Baby, Burn’ never hurt anyone. Least, not anyone worth knowing.”

John said nothing, leaving Sharky to listen to the sound of the road as it crunched underneath the car’s tires, but right as he’d started tapping out an uneven rhythm on the steering wheel just to break it up, he heard him sigh.

“Hey, I promise it won’t be lame. Yeah, it’s not for everybody, but…”

He stopped talking when he saw John place his head in his hand. Covering his eyes, Sharky heard the catch in his breathing, and wished like hell he had the right words for him.

Unable to offer anything else, Sharky shifted his eyes back to the road. “Yeah.”

---

“Now I know you’ve seen it once before, and it ain’t fancy,” Sharky said after pulling up to his house, “but I’ve got a place to sleep, a rocking sound system, and when I need it, lots and lots of storage space for…stuff. Like real fun stuff, but not the illegal kind, ‘cause I don’t want you thinking that. Well, not a lot of it, just some of it.”

John was looking around now, taking in the area as he and Sharky got out, and Sharky led him out across the lawn.

“My house is your house, so settle on in and pull up a chair. The show’ll start soon as I can get this all together, and make it one worth waiting for.“

He shoved some wood into the area designated for his bonfires, and patted himself down before heading over to where he kept his propane. Rooting through the items, he picked up the bottle of lighter fluid – he’d start small, no need to have a full blow-out right off the bat – and glanced over his shoulder to see what John was doing.

He had approached the firepit while Sharky was busy; still silent, but looking closely at it.

“You doing good there, amigo?”

John’s head angled towards him. “Well enough.”

That he’d said anything at all was an improvement, but Sharky didn’t believe it for a second. Not with his back towards him, as he walked back to the pit.

John watched closely as Sharky sprayed the wood liberally with the lighter fluid. Then added more after, and when he tipped it over to slap at the bottom of it to get the last few drops out, John finally spoke up. 

“You’re not serious.”

“Can’t have a decent barbeque without flames, man.”

“That many?”

The wry look he gave him stopped Sharky in his tracks. Or maybe it was the way the corner of John’s mouth was inching up. In spite of everything, he’d managed that at least, and Sharky felt his mouth go dry.  

“Uh, yeah.”  He held out a matchbook to him, and hoped he could keep it steady. His voice was a lost cause, but his next few words were better in line. “Kinda disappointing if you light it up only to have it fizzle out. Can’t get any perks out of that.”

“And this was your plan all along?” John’s odd semi-smile stayed in place, and only seemed to grow. “To invite me here to burn it off? Literally?”

He wasn’t wrong, but seeing as this was his usual go-to and yet not, Sharky really didn’t want to get into the nitty-gritty of it all. Not now, at least.

“You wanted out, and no other place in the county’s better prepped for this, so a quick ride to Boshaw Manor made sense. I know when shit’s gone south and there’s no hope of me shaking that feeling, this works, and I try to foster an environment here that’s all about letting loose when you need it. Pants-free preferred and encouraged, but by no means required.”

“Good to know,” John teased.

He hoped like hell John couldn’t clearly see what was happening with his face right now, but at this distance it was impossible not to.

“But you, uh… You seriously looked ready to rip a bear’s fucking head off, and I thought it’d help. So, here. Light it, and after we pop one off, maybe we can get more going. Kinda sad as is right now.”

Waving the matchbook in the air, he grumbled to himself as he dropped his eyes. But he felt John take the matches, and looked up again in time to see him light one.

John watched the flame dance in front of him for a few seconds, shielding it from the breeze with his hand. Leaning over to peek at it, Sharky nearly brushed shoulders with him, and wondered how long he was willing to hold onto it.

Pretty long at this rate, as the flames licked the wood and traveled towards his fingers.

“You gonna drop that?”

“In time.”

“‘Cause that’s going to get you if you let it stick around any longer.”

Not that he hadn’t let himself get distracted by the warmth of the fire before. How it flickered as it moved, wanting it all that much closer as it inched its way down towards him.

“Surely you don’t think I’m not paying attention to it.” Irritation crept into John’s voice, but he still wasn’t dropping the match.

“Seriously, man, I can treat a rowdy-ass burn if I have to, but that shit’s going to bite.“

“Charlemagne, I have it handled-“ John flicked his hand fast as he yelped in pain.

The match went out, leaving the two standing there in front of the neglected pit. Sharky tried not to, but there was no way he could keep the laugh from slipping out. John’s sharp look shut him up a second later, only breaking eye contact to keep on waving his hand.

“Yo, you okay?”

“Fuck,” John muttered, blowing on his fingers. “Everything’s fine.”

Sharky didn’t nudge him with his shoulder, but was tempted to as he watched John continue to try and sooth the burn. 

“Sure about that? I can be back in two shakes of a jackrabbit’s tail if you want.”

John didn’t waste time lighting the next match. “I’m fine.”

His hands went up, backing off completely. But at that point he had something else to focus on. The fire was dancing in the wind again, and when John let the match fall into the pit, Sharky didn’t take his eyes off of it for a second.

The warm glow took, then grew. Rising slowly but surely as the fire found its footing, and he let out the breath he was holding. There it was. The feeling that washed over him, one that sank down deep into his bones.

Like coming home, in a way. Every time.

Sighing in contentment, he gave John a quick once-over. His attention was on the fire too, locked onto it as he slowly rubbed his fingers together. No one ever seemed to respond to it like he did, but the focus was there, his eyebrows drawn together as he kept on studying it.

John still kept on rubbing at his fingers, though. He had to bother the singed one, even if he was too stubborn to bring it up again.

Sharky stepped back, and gave John a light tap to the shoulder. 

“Be right back. Gotta grab something.”

Jogging over to his house, he pushed open the door and made a beeline straight for his bathroom. Anything he had for first aid was scattered across the property if not left outside, so one minute became two, then became five as he rooted around the place.

Fishing the tube of burn cream out, he sighed in relief.

It had taken the edge off of some of his worst ones - the scars on his sides and back tingling as he subconsciously recalled them. Considering how often he tangoed with fire at all, he’d all but accepted it at this point, and was glad that John wasn’t rocking anything worse than what would be a light blister.

Band-aids were down to slim pickings, however. There were only five left, but he picked the best fit and made his way back out to the pit, taking a short stop by the fridge for beer and one hastily-filled glass of tap water.

Water was the last thing on his mind most nights, but John needed something out there, and Sharky tried not to stress over it too much as he rushed back out.

John started when he handed it over. 

“What’s this?” He took the glass, and eyed its contents.

“Water. You know, for drinking?” A sheepish grin inched across Sharky’s face as he made the motion with his hand. “Didn’t want to leave you hanging without anything, and my fridge’s full up with beer, so…”

“Ah. Thank you,” he said, losing the suspicious tone immediately.

He took a light sip of it and Sharky didn’t miss the way he wrinkled his nose. Probably better used to the fancy stuff they’d filter before bottling, but John still held onto it. Doing that instead of spitting it out onto the ground earned him a point or two on the ‘Don’t be an asshole’ scoreboard, but Sharky would never admit it to him.

“And those?” John asked.

“I know you said you were fine, but here.” Sharky handed the items to him, and John set his glass down. “Best stuff for burns around. Slap some of this on, and in a day you won’t even feel it.”

“Are those…dinosaurs?” John held the bandage up, flashing the green tyrannosaurus rex at him.  

“Yeah, man. Dinosaurs are badass. I don’t know if Jurassic Park was your thing or not, but I had that on repeat for a good three months after it came out. Solid gold right there, and great for hand-holding or grabbing during any tense shit.” He held his hand up as he leaned in, and waggled his eyebrows. “Guaranteed. Like sixty to seventy-five percent chance of getting some action too.”

John furrowed his brows, and kept the band-aid pinched between his fingers. Both unimpressed and unconvinced, which disappointed Sharky a little, but didn’t surprise him much either.

“Anyway, that was the first one I grabbed, but I think there’s another in there if you’re more of a triceratops fan. Or raptors?”

John slowly shook his head. “I’ve-I don’t have a preference.”

“Well, there you go. And I know you like blue and all, but green’s clearly the superior color here. Just saying.” 

He clapped him on the back, and John gave him a withering glance before putting it on.

Dragging over a couple of chairs, Sharky popped them close to the pit - but not close enough to catch any sparks - and settled in. He kicked back and wished he could’ve propped his feet up, but with the other chair in use he had to make do, and leaned as far back as the worn fabric would let him. It strained against the motion, but held, and he knew there was a still a fair chance he’d bust a hole in it, or topple over. Just not now, at least.

“…How did this start?”

Glancing over at John, Sharky sat up when he realized he’d asked him a question. “What?”

“How, or when did you start doing this? The fires? Or, whatever this ritual is.”

“Ritual? This ain’t anything fancy like that.” Rubbing the back of his neck, Sharky let out a long whistle. “But fuck, how many years has it been now?”

Well over twenty. Since that day when he’d had skating on his mind, that and Wendy. He had such high hopes going into the day only to find a whole other thing worth keeping on for.

“Would you believe my first time was at a skating rink? This old place that used to be down by Fall’s End. Neon lights, tricked out wallpapers, and all the oldies you could ask for?”

“Concerning you? Yes.”

John sounded so sure of it. Like he could see the memory just as clearly as Sharky did. That got a warm laugh out of him.

“Imagining that sticky carpet, the flat soda, and those tunes? Real nice, right? It was the highlight of my month. Getting invited out there, pulling off some of my finest moves out on the floor. But I had to set the mood before heading in, and had a roll of quarters ready and everything.”

A grin settled in, almost fond as he recalled the start of it. The promise had been there, all right. He’d finally get a chance to say something. Do something, instead of dreaming about it. Funny how he’d dive into so many other things without thinking, but this? This he’d thought about. Over and over. Wanted it right.

“So?” John’s voice cut through again, shaking him out of it. “What happened?”

“I really wanted to ask this girl Wendy out. Had some good one-liners going, and had watched plenty of movies beforehand that I knew she liked. Wanted to really wow her, and show her what’s what.”

That had been the first pass of the plan. It seemed foolproof. Then he’d reached the rink after he’d crammed one too many quarters in the jukebox. Took one good look at her as he skated up, and…

John’s growing frown mirrored his own. Maybe even too well.

“It, uh-it didn’t go like I wanted. Went with my gut once I saw her, and thought I’d just -my hands started going everywhere.”

Confused, John thought over his words, and Sharky hoped he wouldn’t have to spell it out.  “You grabbed her?”

“I…might’ve grabbed something.”

Realization hit John hard. “You groped her?”

“Like I said, it could’ve gone a lot better! Instincts being bad and all.” Dodging his eyes, Sharky held up his hands and faced the fire. “Look, it was a dumbass move, and I got a skate to the balls for it. Still, really wish I’d tried dancing instead. No way she would’ve turned down a date with a dude pulling off a solid moonwalk. On wheels.”

“Surely,” John huffed.

Flipping him off, Sharky sighed before continuing. 

“So, I head out back. Figure I could light up a cig or something. Take the edge off that way. Well, I decided I’d light a trash can on fire too. See if I liked it, and soon the whole damn back-alley’s on fire. Like burning high with no hope of stopping. It spread, took half of the place out in the process, and yeah, it sucked. But it sucked a whole lot less after seeing that too.”

“That was…not the story I was expecting it to be.”

“Lot of people say that after hearing it. And that’s all of like, three people that even bothered listening to me while I was telling it, but it is what it is. Sucks that it took out that place, though. Seriously, had a great sound system there and everything.”

John raised a hand to his mouth, eyes on the fire instead of on him, and smiled. “Thank you. You didn’t need to share that with me.”

“Eh, it’s nothing. You asked, and I told you what’s what.”

“Not everyone’s as comfortable doing that. And certainly not even half as honest.” John folded his hands on his lap, and leaned forward to rest his forearms on his thighs. “It was Joseph. Tonight, back at my ranch. He wanted to talk. This typically isn’t a problem, but he decided to do what all older brothers believe is their right, I suppose.”  

“What, like go over some fantasy football stats? Or more like rite-of-passage-type stuff, ‘cept the holy kind. ‘Cause he’s not gonna take you to a cathouse, or nothing.”

“Please never say that again,” John said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Uh, which part? The football, or the...er, the part where he’s trying to help you get laid, except not?”

“That one. You see, he wanted to talk expectations. My role in the family overall, and how he wants me to rise to them.”

“That’s uh, kinda harsh. Assuming he said some pretty rowdy shit to you.”

“Not all of it,” John admitted, “but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. Usually when talking about regrets and hopes for the future, not all parties will be on the same page. He was on one, and I the other, and…I didn’t handle it as gracefully as I would’ve liked.”

“But did you think he was right?”

“I don’t know. It’s too soon to say, and I’m still not inclined to agree considering how he presented it to me.”

“But you know why he did that, right?”

John’s eyes were still on the fire, but caught his when he turned away from it. “Do you have any siblings?

Sharky shook his head. “Uh, no. Parents never planned for any of that, and they sure as hell weren’t planning on me. I’m one of those miracle babies. The kind that defy expectation, if you will. They swore up and down they’d used the pill, bagged that shit, and tried damn near everything to keep from throwing a bun in that oven. Still, nine months and some change later I popped out. Was as meant to be as my Grandmama swore I was, and…it’s weird in a way. Knowing that, and still knowing the other end of it too.”

“That you weren’t wanted?”

John was looking at him differently now. Catching something Sharky wasn’t sure even he’d see after checking five times in the mirror for it, and didn’t seem as cagey as before.

“I had someone that did want me. Wasn’t the one that had me to begin with, but that’s alright. Family’s not always blood - not directly. I got Hurk, I got my Auntie. Maybe even Xander, if she plans on keeping him around, but they give a shit about what happens to me. Let me know at least once a week too if they ain’t too busy to stop by, so it’s gotta be nice in some ways. Having brothers. Having that, at least.”

Taking in a deep breath, Sharky didn’t know how to tackle this next part. Knew he was probably going to be like a bull in a china shop, but he’d try. He had to.

“Now I don’t know enough about you all to really say much, so tell me to fuck right off if you need me to, but…they seem like the caring kind. Even though Joe’s got his whole family unit going on - his weird, not-a-cult, but kind-of-a-cult aside. And Jake’ll always give me the creeps, but I feel like you’d also warn me if he was setting me up to head out into the woods and fight me - mano a mano, ‘Most Dangerous Game’ style - so I think we’d be all right.”

“They’re not one, and he’s not about to,” John replied. “And maybe it isn’t your place to say.”

That shut his mouth. “…Sorry.”

“But you’re right.” Shifting his gaze to the ground, John’s next few words were softer, almost too quiet to hear. “Both of my brothers are all I have in this life. The ones that I would do anything for, and for years we truly thought we’d lost each other. There was no finding our way back after being separated and sent to different families. Different homes.”

John flexed his fingers, stretching them out before tightening them into a fist.

“I…was not fortunate in that regard. While I now had many opportunities open to me, I would’ve traded them in a heartbeat. Because there was evil in that house, and it was regularly visited upon me. And to cope, I needed an outlet. A way to take away what I couldn’t fix. What I couldn’t change, or stop, and make it all disappear.

“So, I turned to other sources. Went well out of my way to open myself up to new experiences. Things to excite, to make me feel…something. Anything, and no price was too great. I couldn’t see it for what it was, and was content to let it all eat me from the inside out. Because that was what gave me relief, and if they hadn’t found me when I needed them most…” John shrugged a shoulder. “I would’ve let it.”

“Fuck, I-uh, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I didn’t share that to make you feel sorry for me, or to let it be an excuse. It was a little…honesty given, for honesty gained, if that makes any sense.”

Blowing out a breath, Sharky nodded. “Kinda. Think I get what you mean there.”

“And tonight, you were right. I needed an outlet, and you… You reached out to me without even thinking twice about it.” There was a sincerity there that surprised him. No dancing around it, no downplaying it. “You had no reason to open up your home to me, or do anything at all to help, but you did.”

“No reason not to.”

“Charlemagne. I haven’t given you much reason to do any of this, considering why we’re speaking at all to begin with.”

John had a point. One Sharky wasn’t going to argue, but he’d clearly overlooked a lot of the things he’d done to keep them on speaking terms. Or hell, even get friendly, because they were straddling that line, and had been ever since he’d stuck around to help him with the plane.

“Okay, so you did show up here on my doorstep. Used some strong words to get me to do some shit for you, and generally acted like a mega-dick. Admitting that’s the first step towards fixing it. ‘Cause my guess’s you wanna fix that, right?”

John pursed his lips, but said nothing. Just stared at him while his jaw tensed.

That had Sharky raising his eyebrows.  “Dude, you seriously aren’t even gonna pretend to say yes to that? Not even try it?”

Glancing away, John closed his eyes. Took in a deep breath, and held onto it before sighing loudly.

“What the fuck?” Sharky muttered, watching him reach for his back pocket. “There’re like baby steps, and then you come in with this whole twelve step thing you’ve gotta work through, like it’s just that hard not to be a colossal d-”

“Done.”

Sharky paused as he took in what John held up. It was his phone.

Rolling his eyes at his confused look, John handed it over to him and pointed at the screen.  “It’s gone.”

“What’s gone?” Sharky flipped through the folder John had pulled up, not sure what he was looking for. “Like the porn you knew I was gonna search for after taking this?”

“No, not that,” John replied, grinding his teeth. “The recording.”

“The…” Holy shit. “You got rid of it. Like, no back up, no nothing?”

“That was the only one.”

Gone. That weight - what was left of it - gone.

Sharky laughed. Laughed as relief settled deep into him, and it was the sweetest thing.

Sure, John could’ve been lying to him. Could’ve had three different places where he was stashing the file for a rainy day, but he found he believed him. He wanted to take his word for it, and found he didn’t have to jump through too many hoops for it either.

“That’s-that’s uh, thanks.”

“Thank you. For proving me wrong in a lot of ways.”

Proud motherfucker that he was, that statement nearly bowled Sharky over. But he seemed to mean it too, and he flashed John a bashful grin.

“So, uh going back to before. You need to be cool to others. Treat ‘em nice, especially if you know they’re in the middle of a rough patch, and you count too. You needed something to take the edge off, and with drinking out, there were only two options left. Sex, and burning shit, and seeing as I don’t even know what your type is, I went for the easy one.”

“Easy?” Giving him a curious look, John leaned towards him. “That arson would be the easier option at all’s fascinating to me, because then I have no choice but to ask.”

“…Ask what?”

“What is my type?”

He one-hundred percent felt John’s focus now, and might’ve felt his palms start to sweat. “You want me to guess?”

“I want you to try.”

That was a tougher question than it should’ve been, and all the answers Sharky thought he had promptly left the building.

“Uh…fuck. The ladies in the catalogs. Victoria’s Secret models. Sports Illustrated, but the swimsuit issue. Porn stars. Top dollar escorts,” he said, spit-balling for whatever a rich lawyer might like. Or Bruce Wayne. Same difference. “But the kind with nice shoes, and those big-ass fur coats.”

Or was he going more for what he’d like if he had boatloads of cash to blow? And a music video to make? Maybe. Judging by the look John was giving him, though, he didn’t agree.

“Jesus, I don’t know. You asked! So, I guessed. Thought I’d get something close if I kept on going.”

“Well, you weren’t.”

“Yeah, yeah. And you’re telling me you wouldn’t be dicking down every woman in the valley if they asked?” Sharky took a drink of his beer, and couldn’t help but grumble his next few words into it. “I know I would.”

“You’d what?”

He coughed, beer going right down his windpipe. That was the kind of shit that should’ve slipped out when he was buzzed, and he wasn’t even there yet.  And judging from John’s response, wasn’t great to hear out loud either.

“Aw, fuck. Uh, sorry. Didn’t…didn’t mean anything weird by it. Just that you’ve got a lot of women looking - er, wanting - some real one-on-one time with you, that’s all. And if I were you, I’d take them up on it.”

John snorted, “Is that so?”

“I’m serious!” Sharky insisted, flashing an awkward grin. “Not to do any ego-jerking or anything, but you’re a good-looking guy, dude. Who’d blame ‘em for trying?”

He’d meant to look away after that, but John held his stare. Gave him a look that was like a Rubik’s Cube, and the more Sharky tried to pin down exactly what it was, the more he kept on scrambling anything and everything just to match up a single side.

“I see.” John wet his lips, dropping his eyes to his bandaged finger as he rubbed it together with his thumb. “Well, I’d hate to keep them waiting any longer than I already have. Or to disappoint them, but a few may need to wait their turn.”

“Why’d you say that?”

“Because surely their male counterparts deserve a chance as well? Seems only fair.”

John lowered his lashes as he looked over at him this time around, and Sharky must’ve blinked at him fifty times before his words registered.

“Oh. Oh,” he said, watching John nod his head along with him. “Well, it’s uh, I’m a…I don’t think I got anything right there, huh?”

Face burning hot, he crossed his arms and felt like kicking himself. Mostly for the whole conversation leading up to this, but now was a close second.

“Hard to be right about something you didn’t know.”

“Saying weird-ass shit to you’s not cool to begin with. Expecting a pity pass for it’s worse, and then there’s whatever the fuck this is, so I’m sorry. It’s lame as hell, but I’ve gotta get an apology out at least. And it’s probably the last thing you wanna hear or talk about, but you do whatever the hell makes you happy, long as no one’s getting hurt or nothing,” he said, wanting to get the words out, even if they weren’t neat. “And, we uh, we can talk about something else now.”

John laughed; the sound lighter than he expected. “Uncomfortable?”

“No. Kinda. Just…I’m not a talker. If you need someone to head on up, make a speech using all of the right words,  making it pretty and all, you don’t go busting down my door. ‘Cause there’s ways of saying things, so it’s all meaningful and nice with no hurt feelings involved, and that ain't it. Shit, you’ve made a whole career out of it.”

Sharky tapped the bottle against his shin, and sighed.

“When I open my mouth, people usually start throwing stuff at me instead of listening. Beer, shoes, lawn ornaments, darts, you name it, I’ve dodged it. Or had someone try to hit me in the junk for it, so thanks for not doing that. And sorry again. Probably say that a couple more times before the night’s out.”

“…Hitting you would be the last thing on my mind. I promise you that.”

Dead serious, he wasn’t sure what to make of John’s tone, or the way he was looking at him.

So, after downing the rest of his beer, Sharky went for the next best thing. Nervous laughter, and more blushing like an idiot. He’d never stop at this rate.

Rubbing his hands together, he hopped up out of his seat after that. John was too intense to stare down for long, and he put some distance between them, set on hunting down the first major firework of the evening.

“Okay, so this one I usually save for the festies,” Sharky began, carrying it over in his hands. “It’s my own personal formula. Ran through it a few times trying to see if I could get the right amount of fizz, bang, and pop that everybody loves without losing a finger, an eye, or most of my hair again.”

“Did you now?” John snorted. “It’s a miracle it grew back.”

“More like both eyebrows, but yeah, ‘cause I need to keep this around,” Sharky replied, framing his jaw with his hand. The wink was extra, but that didn’t stop him. “Chicks dig guys with a little scruff to ‘em. The look’s ‘sexy renegade’, but the kind that’ll still treat you right.”

“No doubt.”

Looking him over, John tilted his head as he considered him. Let his attention focus in on him closely, until Sharky was on the verge of snapping his fingers in front of him to break the spell he’d somehow cast.

“It suits you.”

John could’ve slapped him, and it would’ve been less of a surprise than that. “Say what?”

“It suits you. Keep it to that, though. Any more and I think you’re guaranteed to lose more than an eyebrow the next time any of this backfires.”

In the back of his mind he registered John’s statement – an actual compliment which only confused him more – but didn’t get much further than that. That’s when he caught the smile John was now wearing. This one he’d earned for sure, and didn’t want to risk losing.  

Kicking his brain back into gear, Sharky blew out a breath. “So, uh…let’s see. Lighting this up, so we can have one kick-ass party. Just getting right on that shit.”

The red rocket was stabbed into the ground to the left of the pit, and Sharky held out his lighter to John. He still had the matches from earlier, but this way was easier.

When all John did was give him a questioning glance, Sharky flicked his eyes towards the rocket. “Yo, you know this whole thing’s for you, right?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you. So, you kick it off. I’ve got a firework in every color, though you might want to aim them all over yonder. Nearly lit the field up straight ahead of here last time, and my PO and I ain’t gonna see eye to eye on this if another starts. Cool?”

Dropping his attention to the lighter, John reached for it. Turned it over in his hands as the corners of his mouth curved up, and eventually aimed some of that glance his way.

“Cool.”

[amydancepants-peralta]

Hi there @storyinmyeyes!  I’m sorry this is so late, but here is my response to your prompt - #15:  ‘He should have said something.  Because now she’s gone to work for the Special Victims Unit, and he’s pretty sure she took part of his soul with her.’

Hope you enjoy!  ♥️

it’s not warm when she’s away

“Do whatever you want.  You know … it’s your life.”

Jake has played over those nine words so many times, they had long since lost their meaning.  The dismissive tone stings like it would have the first time Amy heard them, the casual shrug of his shoulders betraying what he truly felt as she gives him a chance - one last chance to say how he really feels.  One last chance to ask her to stay, before she walked away forever.  

He had been so damn focused on the case - so sure that they were going to find some kind of key evidence that would give them that slam dunk Peralta Guarantee he’d made, that he never stopped to consider that that afternoon could be the very last time they worked together.  

But they never found the suspect’s jacket, and the case remained unsolved.  And by the end of the day, Amy Santiago had been accepted into the Special Victims Unit.  

It had been three months since she’d left, her meticulously organised desk quickly turning into a haphazard dumping ground of rejected case files as the precinct waits for a new transfer to arrive.  There had been a rotation of partners for Jake, skipping from Boyle to Diaz, the occasional ring-in from the Nine Eight and one disastrous fortnight with Hitchcock and Scully.  He felt empty, as though a part of him was missing, and as the days wore on he realised that was precisely the problem.  This woman, with her perfectly arranged desk and her dark hair that somehow always managed to catch the light, had become a part of his world so much that without her, everything else seemed grey and lifeless.

He finds himself wearing an extra shirt under his plaid these days, his complaints about the coldness of the office forever falling on deaf ears.  Officer Evans even laughs at him one afternoon, when he clocks the detective rubbing his hands together to stay warm, joking that perhaps Santiago had left her perpetual coldness behind for Jake to inherit.  He had shrugged Evans off, never understanding why the others insisted on calling her cold.  Yes, she enjoyed an extra blanket or two at outdoor gatherings, but if you asked him, Amy Santiago was the opposite of cold.  She was literal sunshine - warm eyes and sparkling laughter wrapped up in a beautiful soul - and he missed her, every damn day.  

*

It’s 11am on a mundane Wednesday when he hears an officer mention that the SVU were on their way to the precinct.  His ears perk up at the words and he tugs at the collar of his jacket nervously, the notion of being in the same room as her suddenly too much to bear.  He tells himself that he needs to relax - it might not even be her that visits, after all - but his racing heart just will not calm down, and he paces the floor of the bullpen seven times over before Rosa finally tells him to sit the hell down.

The numbers on the arrest report occupying his computer screen are beginning to blur when he hears her arrive, the gentle but deliberate cadence of her step unmistakable as she exits the elevator.  There had been an invisible string, all this time, that had tied his heart to hers, and for the first time in three months he felt it tighten - felt her presence before he dared to turn, felt the racing thump fall into a comfortable rhythm because finally, she was home.

Amy’s smiling at him when he turns around, his flimsy attempt at a casual glance falling apart the instant his eyes catch hers.  His face nearly splits in half with the size of his grin, already getting up out of his chair and halfway across the floor before he even realises he’s moving.  She was a magnetic force for him, the pull of their hearts dragging him closer without any protest, and all he can think is at last.

There are a million words that he wants to say, all of them fighting for the starring role, when Boyle pops up between them, a bag of Fermented Something in one hand and the other reaching out for a hug.  She keeps her face even, a skill long since mastered from her days at the Nine Nine, and Jake stifles his laughter as he takes in her subtle step backwards.  

She’s whisked away by Boyle and Diaz before they even have a chance to talk, and Jake is quickly reminded that she is here on official duty only, and as a team member of Major Crimes division will probably leave just as quickly as she arrived; once she’s acquired the case files from her former colleagues.  To nobody’s surprise, she stays all afternoon, locked up in the briefing room as the trio work together to bring down bad guy.  He sees glimpses of her when the door occasionally opens for a coffee or bathroom break, but she never moves from her position at the desk. 

He stays an hour or two past his finish time, unwilling to give up the chance to talk to her one last time, until Terry flexes his ample muscles towards the elevator and orders Jake’s evacuation.  The door to the briefing room is still closed as his feet shuffle past, pausing with a last minute wish for courage before continuing on, accepting their fate.   

It’s well past 9pm when she finds him at Shaw’s, slumped into a booth in the far corner as he sips on his whiskey and stares blankly at unfunny videos on his phone.  He had felt a tug on his heart, but foolishly had chalked it up to the liquor settling into his veins, and his phone drops with a clatter to the sticky table when suddenly she is sitting across from him.  

She barely lets out a sorry if I’m interrupting before Gina is shuffling into the booth next to him, casting her purse into the gap between Jake and the wall as she makes room for Rosa, Charles sliding in to sit next to Amy, and suddenly Jake’s glass isn’t the only one on the table.  

It feels like old times, laughter filling the once silent booth as stories of old and new are retold.  Memories are given elaborate twists as the empty bottles build up, and in all honesty he’s trying really hard not to stare, but he can’t believe he never noticed how beautiful Amy was until it was far too late.  

He knows that he screwed up when he didn’t encourage her to stay at the Nine Nine.  He knew it thirty-five seconds after she returned from her interview, handing in her notice of transfer to Holt with a sad smile, and he knows it now as the five of them clink their glasses together.  There’s a pull between them, the same invisible string stretched tight across the table, and Jake wishes on all the glow-in-the-dark stars of his childhood bedroom’s ceiling that there was some way that he could make Amy stay this time.

They’re both a little tipsy when they finally leave the bar, or rather get pushed out as Hank flips over the sign in the window from Open to Closed while they stumble onto the footpath.  The rest of their squad - or rather, Jake’s squad now - had long since given up on them, retiring to their homes when they realised that tonight was for Jake and Amy, and Jake and Amy only.  

Her laughter bounces off of the parked cars as she races towards the faded chalk outline of a game of hopscotch, ponytail jerking upwards as she hops along the squares, turning back to Jake with an accomplished smile when she reaches the top.  She’s not ready to go home yet, she announces, and it’s the best thing Jake has heard all day, because there is not a chance he’s ready for this to be over again.

It isn’t long before his jacket is wrapped around Amy’s shoulders, ponytail abandoned to keep her neck warm, the two of them taking turns to point out buildings or alleyways that have been involved in cases of theirs as they walked around the city.  They reminisce over their biggest solves - the ones that had kept them up until the early hours - and Jake lays out the details of a file that had landed on his desk earlier that day.  She asks all the questions he had known she would ask, and he shoots back with answer after answer until finally she nudges him with her elbow, raising one eyebrow when he looks back at her and telling him that he already knew the solve to this case, that he should just trust his gut, because as much as she hated to admit it, he was rarely wrong.

He shrugs, mumbling that he doesn’t always get it right, and studies the ground for the rest of the block. 

They pass an old park, long since abandoned, and Amy climbs the staggered brick wall that had once made up the fence line, smiling in triumph as she stands a few feet taller than him.  She seems relaxed, and he tells her as such, laughing as she holds out both arms for balance in stepping along the thin line, looking like a child playing Airplane while turning back towards him.  Her arms drop and she hesitates, a silence falling over them for a minute before she tucks her hair behind both ears and tells him that this is the first time she’s felt relaxed in months.  

Her feet bump into the brick as they swing back and forth, sitting down and waiting until Jake has settled in beside her before telling him all about her time in Major Crimes.  How it was everything and nothing like she’d expected.  That she’d made some excellent contacts, and had played an integral role in the conviction of some particularly unsavoury perps.  Special Victims Unit was heavy, she admitted with a sigh - they did things differently, and not always to the letter, and it was a struggle to find a way to fall into line.  And finally, with a defeated shrug, she tells him that she misses the Nine Nine every single day.  

Jake’s heart is somewhere up the top of his throat, trying desperately to sound casual when he tells her that the detective filling her role was having issues with their transfer, that the legality of some sort of form or whatnot kept delaying their arrival.  Her desk, he mentions with a nudge of his shoulder against his, is still empty, and Amy looks up, sheepishly admitting that she hadn’t left the briefing room all day for fear of seeing her desk with somebody else’s name on it.  

Eventually he stands, reaching his hand out for assistance as she follows suit, and when their palms press together he links their fingers with a gentle squeeze.  Forged as one, their hands fall to the space between them as their footsteps echo across the empty sidewalks that lead to Amy’s apartment.

He wants to tell her that he’s missed her more than words can say.  Keeps racking his brain, trying to think of the right way to let her know that the date that resulted from him winning the bet had fallen into the Good Date list for a million reasons, and that none of them had anything to do with getting the bad guy.  

She offers him his jacket back when they reach her front door, and he takes it from her hand but doesn’t put it on.  For the first time in a long time, he was immune to the cold.  

(Plus, there was a good chance that his jacket smelled like her now, and he wasn’t quite ready to lose that.)

The air crackles between them as she pulls him in for a hug, hand lingering at the back of his neck for a beat before pulling away completely, string tugging in his chest again, waving goodnight one last time before walking through her door.  It’s only five minutes into the walk back to his apartment before his phone rings, and Amy is on the other end, calling with a sudden epiphany of an anecdote she’d forgotten to tell him and knows he will love.  

They talk until sunrise, Jake moving from kitchen counter to couch to bed within his studio apartment, neither of them quite ready to acknowledge the time until their throats are raspy from a lack of sleep.  It had only been three months, but to them, it had felt like a lifetime, and there was so much to say.

Finally, she hangs up, securing the confirmation of lunch plans later that very day, and Jake grips the phone in his hand for a moment, staring at the blank screen and remembering the feeling of her hand in his as they walked the streets of Brooklyn.  His apartment is bright with light from unclosed blinds when he eventually looks up, because he hadn’t been home since nearly the same time yesterday, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, Jake felt the warm of the sunlight on his face.  He angles his face higher, absorbing the rays as they wash over his home, smiling at the sense of peace that falls over him as the exhaustion finally takes over, back hitting the mattress without a second to waste.

He sets an alarm on his phone, then places it out of reach for him to avoid it being switched off in a future sleepy haze, and with a contented smile he closes his eyes.  Today, after all, was a new day - a day which promised so many great possibilities, and there was no way that he was going to let happiness slip through his fingers again.  

[lamphous]

⭐

dealer’s choice, woo

my brain is mush atm and can’t remember anything past the last few months anyway so here is the director’s commentary for my west wing au, “suddenly I don't remember the rules”

(send me a ⭐ or any title/line/section of my fics for director’s commentary)

so last summer/fall ish I was reading some other fic, I don’t remember which at all, that reminded me of a line from the last season when danny and cj finally get together where he says, “so if I’m going to jump off the cliff, and you’re going to get pushed off the cliff, why don’t we both hold hands on the way down?” which 1) I’ve always thought was sweet (I copied that out from memory lol) and 2) felt very appropriate for these two. and so, when I was rewatching while in london bc I missed dc, I started writing this au and along the way found actually, y’know, plot.

eventually what I really wanted to do was fix cj’s storyline from the first season. she’s one of my favorite tv characters, always has been, and there’s a lot of really interesting pieces in that first season but they’re kind of haphazard and inconsistent. I rearranged the order of events somewhat to straighten out that recurrent issue of her being kept out of the loop and the frustration of that. there’s an undercurrent of her feeling alienated from the rest of the staff and so turning to the press—to danny, really—as her ally, which I think is more interesting than just everyone worrying about cj being too close to him for flirty reasons.

in a way I accidentally think I made it more serious, but I think that’s partially by virtue of making it gay; same with the privacy stuff, which was really my favorite part of this, being able to tie it back into the episode and make it something more. it’s not just their jobs in the way, it’s the publicity of those jobs (there’s an oblique reference to another frustrating cj ep, “enemies foreign and domestic”) and the world they live in. there’s a sort of natural affinity that brings them together already, beneath the aforementioned alienation from the staff.

assorted fun facts from my google doc notes:

on the elmo line: “DOROTH GALE [spider-man slam dunk gif]”

on “some late show”: “i mean obviously its the daily show please do you think id let leno in this fic PLEEEEEASE”

on the line about eddie glaring at people outside the phone booth: this link

on richie having a crush on michael j fox teen wolf, richie wanting to live in georgetown because of the exorcist, and richie talking about vampires: “i can should and must revive richies love of scary movies, i deserve this” 

on eddie walking to work: “me 🤝 jonathan perera / sorkinese production with jessica chastain, the dynamic, and ‘my bank account and liberal conscience won't justify my own car’”

on richie falling on the floor: “west. wing. prat. fall. clap clap clapclapclap”

on “some pop rock balladeer”: the complete lyrics to tal bachman’s “strong enough”

on that whole conversation about nobel laureates: “You Are Not Immune To resume tech spec”

there are also references to twin peaks, when harry met sally, and billy joel bc they’re all things that, like west wing, I associate with this time & place bc of my parents, who cameo as the aforementioned people outside the phone booth.

every place in it is real: the supreme court, obviously, and the white house. the inner layout is pretty accurate—I think I might have invented a staircase?—and the palm room before the colonnade to the west wing really is used as an overflow coat storage during events. it’s also ugly as shit, it’s got this trellis thing on the wall, which is why I turned the lights off for that scene lmao, I couldn’t picture it seriously otherwise. also real are:

the petco richie goes to, which is where all my pet fish growing up were from

the bar in dupont circle near a comedy club, although I made up the interior

same with eddie’s apartment, which I’ve been imagining around 21st and o which is both a bunch of gorgeous buildings and coincidentally adheres to the later seasons where they say that cj’s apartment is near that exact stretch of rock creek park

richie’s too, where a friend of mine lives in falls church. I put him in the sticks bc danny is supposedly just back from 

both skating rinks mentioned, in the nga sculpture garden and at the reston town center (which was definitely there in the late 90s/early 2000s and I can confirm with pictures of me as a kid there lol)

oh, speaking of places, I fixed the logistics of the scene where josh talks to danny outside oeob about goldfish, which has always bugged me. why is danny even walking that direction? he’s the reporter for the washington post, he can’t get a parking spot in the ellipse? does he park at the wapo building across the street? then why is isn’t he coming out of the west wing entrance on pennsylvania? so I came up with a convoluted answer that he doesn’t live in the district actual bc he sublet his place while doing a little book tour for the book. that danny. wrote. about. the president. BOOM (that never made the cut but still exists in my head)

and I fixed the plot hole in season 2 where cj was sick “last” thanksgiving but there’s no mention of it in this episode, which aired the day before thanksgiving 1999 (my second birthday!) and is right before the christmas episode so there’s nowhere else to hide. plus I like to give eddie my birthday anyway bc even though astrology is fake it’s important to me that some characters with november birthdays are sagittariuses. we’re not all scorpios, you bastards. also someone has to share the burden of having a birthday that occasionally falls on thanksgiving

outside of the episode in question I stole soooo many west wing lines for this fic, and other references that I sort of just scrambled all together. eddie’s list of reasons they shouldn’t be together is from “in excelsis deo”; the bit about the sign and all the comm staff liking richie (as well as being an opportune ch 2 ref), the ice skating, and “fourth... shut up” are from “enemies”; “it’s hard to believe you’re not married” / “many have tried” etc is actually joey lucas and josh in “lies, damn lies, and statistics”; eddie’s car is from “the black vera wang” (rip mark harmon); a lot of eddie’s speech in the apartment is from “he shall from time to time...” but also “inauguration.” oh, and of course! josh lyman you have the cutest butt in professional politics! that’s joey again, from “bartlet’s third state of the union,” bc this is a joey lucas stan blog

I also gave stan the spaldeens and richie the stupid suspenders bc I think they fit weirdly well, and I did the “okay” thing bc I think it’s cute and it’s one of my favorite things in the danny and cj romance canon. respecting boundaries is sexy! and you know what else is sexy? being good at your job. and THAT’S what this fic is all about.

[corbo-florbo]

Fantasy Booking: John Cena & Elias

Tagging the awesome @mith-gifs-wrestling and the amazing @adriennegabriella for this one, since they seem to enjoy my fantasy bookings so far!

So as of writing this, John Cena is coming back to Friday Night Smackdown on February 28 of 2020, and I’ve got a couple or few ideas of what I’d like to have done with him. I figured, why not start with one that seems like a continuation of a recent subtle ongoing feud with The Drifter, Elias?

Are you ready for a good time? The episode of Smackdown opens with a bang, as fireworks go off and fans cheer. Then the hum of John Cena’s music blasts through the arena, and he looks as happy as ever when making his way to the ring. 

Cena grabs a mic, and waits for the cheers to die down. “Boy, y’all sure did miss me huh? I gotta admit, it’s been a while. I left y’all behind while I pursued my acting career, but it’s okay, it’s fine, The Leader of the Cenation is back baby!” *cheers* “But it’s not all about to be sunshine and rainbows, I’m afraid. See, I gots some things to share with y’all, and I dunno how y’all are gonna feel about it.” John then turns his hat around to where the bill is facing behind him. “Y’see-”

A guitar strum silences John as the arena goes dark and the spotlight flashes on one sole figure making his way to the ring. That figure ladies and gentlemen, is Elias. “John, John, John. Oh, this is so us. I interrupt you, you interrupt me, it’s a whole thing! Sometimes I beat your ass, you beat my ass, you know how it goes! Why, last time you threw a package of nuts at me, and quite frankly, you said some mean things at me. When was that? Oh, uh... Wrestlemania! But it’s all good, John. I’m glad to see you back! Maybe this time we can duet, because I”m tired of playing with myself.” John grins at this. “Oh, you like that one don’t you, John? Yeah, that was pretty funny. Now, I’m not sure why you tilted your hat backwards, but I thought maybe we can show it’s all water under the bridge and have some honest to God fun! It’s Wrestlemania season after all!”

Elias steps in the ring and John leans on the turnbuckle opposite Elias’s end, with a Cheshire grin on his face. Elias strums and plucks at his guitar. “Hey John, why don’t you start us off with a rap verse, maybe? I think that’ll get the people of Boston in the spirit! What do ya say, Boston?” Obviously, cheers.

John nods, puts his arm around Elias’s shoulder, and as a melody emanates from Elias’s guitar, John opens his mouth, as though he’s about to rap, until a quick turn and Drift Away! Ladies and gentlemen, John Cena has taken down Elias with his own move! Why, John, why?!

The next week passes and there’s a new episode of Smackdown. Neither man is to be found until the main event, advertised earlier in the day as an explanation from John Cena. People sit, waiting for the familiar “My Time Is Now” but instead are met with “Basic Thuganomics”. Cena comes out, decked in the same wear befitting of someone dressed in early 2000′s hip-hop clothing style. 

“Word Life” brass knuckles wrapped around his fingers, microphone in hand, the Doctor of Thuganomics speaks. “Now, since I was so RUDELY interrupted last week by that weak, punk ass jobber, allow me to lay down the line right here, right now. Y’all cheering me were the same ones booing me all them years. No matter what I did, it wasn’t good ‘nuff for ya. It wasn’t until I used my profile to elevate others, you seemed to care. 2006. One Night Stand. Manhattan. Hammerstein Ballroom. I came out to toxic, nuclear heat and my shirt being thrown right back at me. Said I ain’t got no moves! I gave them moves! They boo’d that shit too! I’d give my all, yet I was so hated. Yet the children loved me. Guess what? Those kids grew up. Y’all even popped loud as hell whenever someone mentions my failed relationship with Nikki Bella? Y’all so easily worked it ain’t even funny! She and I are still tight, life just pulls us in diff’rent directions. Y’all hated me, now ya want me back. Now I’ve been gone so long, y’all miss me? Well, John Cena don’t forget, no he don’t! I remember clear as day, y’all as fickle as Daniel Bryan always said, but he back in the Kool-Aid now, talkin’ bout the Yes Movement comin’ back. Now he fickle too, but that’s okay ‘cause Cena here to collect. Talk about my golden shovel, talk about burying talent, well guess what? Anyone in my path gon’ wish they was dead. Cena out.” 

Cut to next week’s Smackdown, things seem to have gone back to normal. Elias is back, and is in a match with Mustafa Ali. Of course, he is a little paranoid of John Cena, which Ali takes advantage of, easily getting in the win. Elias doesn’t seem to even care or process the loss. He just...leaves. Like someone who left a haunted house, but the haunted house hasn’t left them. 

Main event time, and the Dirt Sheet is dunking on everybody. They continue to talk smack to The New Day in their ongoing feud. John Morrison dunks on Elias for his upset state, while Miz derides the outdated nature of John Cena. On the Titantron, John Cena calls them out via satellite, as he sees himself above fighting anyone on the roster on a measly episode of Smackdown. “I mean, I’m John F%#^ng Cena!” Miz and Morrison then challenge him to a 2-on-1 handicap match, now he’s got them too heated to go after Kofi Kingston and Big E of New Day, that they MUST beat Cena. And they must do it at the upcoming Elimination Chamber pay per view.

The night of the match, Cena dominates. He takes both men out with ease. Miz, perhaps the easiest, but Morrison’s parkour gives him at least a sliver of a chance. Cena is the victor. 

More Smackdowns, more of Elias being afraid. Miz and Morrison act like nothing happened, pretending they didn’t just fight and lose to John Cena. Elimination Chamber didn’t happen in their eyes. They continue to emasculate Elias, who on the fifth Friday night, grows tired of them mocking him and takes them down, accusing them of being in cahoots with him. He’s greatly losing it, as is evident when he plays his guitar out of tune, or messes up lyrics. 

Roman Reigns, however, is tired of it all. He calls out Cena, challenging him at Fastlane, which Cena accepts. Not before he chastises Roman about how he had to elevate him at No Mercy 2017, about how while he isn’t as hated by crowds anymore, he’s still just “a guy”, and will never reach that level. That Roman’s 2017 win was just a fluke. Yet another nut joke by the Doctor of Thuganomics  before a low blow and an F.U. lays Roman out at the end of the night.

Fastlane 2020 approaches, and the two put on a 30 minute classic. Roman gets more vicious, and Cena becomes more dastardly. He constantly taunts and goads Roman most of the match, and at one point even HEADBUTTS HIM. That’s something you don’t do to Samoan pro wrestlers, yet Cena evades it all, wearing Roman down until he runs out of steam. Roman, staggering, falls victim to another F.U. before being gifted with Cena’s Five-Knuckle Shuffle, and goes for the pin. Cena wins, but his victory is shortly celebrated after Elias slams a guitar on Cena’s head, the last visual of the match being Elias glaring down at his handiwork.

Elias is not to be seen the next several Smackdowns leading to Wrestlemania, at least not live. In pre-taped segments, in front of chain-link fences, Elias rambles on about how John Cena lives rent-free in his head. In the final vignette of his ramblings, Elias declares at Wrestlemania that he will get his groove back, as he plays a new percussion instrument, one he calls John Cena before declaring the match needing to be No DQ. Meanwhile, Cena hosts mini-segments where he freestyle raps about how trashy a lot of the wrestlers signed to WWE are, along with old legends. Last Smackdown, he raps about how easily worked Elias got, that he doesn’t stand a chance because Cena declares himself the master of psychology, adding to his resume, added along with being  a doctor of Thuganomics.

Wrestlemania time, and Elias is easily dominated early in the match. It’s almost like Cena vs Lesnar at Summerslam all over again, until Elias goes in for a Drift Away and hammers on Cena. He even grabs his head, “slamming” it down on the mat before stomping and kicking Cena. Elias manically grabs at his own hair, before bringing chairs into it. 

Elias slams Cena with chair after chair, but like a superhuman, Cena rises again and again. He can even be heard that no injury, no chair could hold him down. Elias doesn’t stop though. He hits like he has lost his mind. It’s as though his brain is now the one drifting in and out, not him. There’s almost a rhythm to Elias’s shots. Then he sets it up for a con-chair-to. And another. And another and another, you get the picture. Cena’s lifeless body is rolled over and Elias covers him for a pin, and you see his hand move, but he does not kick out. Elias gets the win, and is tearing with joy. His first Wrestlemania win, and it’s one not for a title, but a peace of mind and a reclamation of his lost sanity. 

Almost as if knocked into his senses, Cena rises, clutching his head. He removes the “Word Life” armbands and wristbands and shakes Elias’s hand before raising it. Cena has reclaimed his own soul, seeing everyone cheer for Elias. The sight of what he missed was enough to wake him up. He had grown cocky of having won the world of wrestling, music, and film that he forgot what it was like, being someone looking to make a name. He remembers that same John Cena that made an impact after beating Kurt Angle and winning the respect of the locker room back in the early 2000′s.

Elias is able to move on to other feuds, no longer feeling the need as a drifter to bash other towns he rolls into, and even finds himself in main events every now and then. Cena reflects the night on Raw after Wrestlemania that he is done with wrestling now, but the WWE Universe will see him again from time to time. He leaves with letting everyone know the three most important words to him: Hustle Loyalty and Respect.

The end.

I hope you guys enjoyed it! I got two more Cena fantasy bookings, then I hope to jump into some fresher ideas later!

[toerisdivine]

Hey Guys, TOP 10 ALBUMS of 2019 TIME!!!

#10: Charli - Charli XCX Genre: Pop, Bubblegum Bass

Trying to write about Charli as a unified project is rather difficult.   Charli's fanbase is so split between people who loved her billboard charting songs from 2014, people who love the boundary pushing work she's released with producers such as SOPHIE and AG Cook, people who like a specific balance of the two, and heck, people who wish she would make another witch house project, and this album is very much not trying to isolate anyone from the above camps (except maybe the witch house). As a result, half of the album feels like it has a unified sound while the other half feels like a playlist.  There are no common opinions about this album.  Everyone will dislike a few songs on here, and no one is going to agree on them.

I know that's a weak sounding paragraph to talk about one of my favorite albums of the year, but the songs from this album that land are perhaps the largest bangers of the year.  For instance, "Next Level Charli" is a high energy song that's pretty much just a single section that continues to build throughout the short run time.  It exists simply to build the hype, and is one of the best openers of the year.  "Click" is a strong contenter for best song of the year.  The posse cut to end all posse cuts, Charli, Kim Petras, and Tommy Cash deliver a trio of slam dunk brag rap verses over a lush instrumental that supports the energy and weight of the performances before ending with a crazy 30 second noise breakdown courtesy of Dylan Brady of 100 Gecs fame.  "Shake It" is the most experimental cut on the album.  It sounds like a photograph with inverted colors looks.  An absolute nightmare of a track that I'm not sure I enjoy listening to, I respect it a lot and highly recommend it because you have certainly never heard something quite like it.  "Gone" hits the best of both worlds as far as experimentation and pop sensibilities are concerned, to the point where I feel like it has strong appeal to people on the extremes of her fanbase.  There's a driving baseline and one of the strongest melodies of Charli's career (which is saying quite a lot) while having an odd sounding synth line that eventually takes the foreground in the glitchy last part of the song.

On the slower side, "Warm," "Silver Cross," and "February 2017" are less on the energetic or abrasive side, and showcase how vast and cosmic her instrumentals can sound.  February is particularly notable for the Korean a Capella ending performed by Yaeji.  The album ends with "2099," which more than anything sounds like a great closer to the album for representing everything the album stands for.  It contains elements from every song on the album while being a nice bookend to "Next Level Charli" acting as a slower version of that song to let you calm down after listening to the entire album.

I suppose I should mention her two popular songs too.  "Blame It On Your Love," has the misfortune of living in the shadow of "Track 10," the best Charli XCX song, but while that's an emotional roller-coaster BIOYL has been reworked into a tropical house dancer floor song, and I rather enjoy it, which is rare for tropical house.  1999 is awful.  It's too slow, and the instrumental is always playing on beat and taking no risks.  The vocals of that song deserve better, which is why I highly recommend just taking the song out of the album and replacing it with the EASYFUN remix instead, which makes the song a million times weirder and a million times more fun.   Yes, it's kinda cheating, no, I don't care.

Recommended for people who like pop music that isn't afraid to get weird, people who want futuristic sounding music Must Hear (Experimental): Gone, Click, Shake It Must Hear (Straightforward): Gone, Next Level Charli, Warm