#that man does not smile once in the show. its so fucking funny

[fleshdyke]

the funniest thing abt hannibal fans on this site is the way ppl will post screenshots from the show and be like "HIS SLIME 😍😍😍" and the picture is mads mikkelsen looking like this

[elexaria]

living with ghoap was nice. two big burly fellas to keep you company, to reach the top shelves in the kitchen for you, to absolutely plough you into the mattress when you couldnt itch your own scratch for once. they were good lads.

but there were countless times where they’d be away for work, so you knew you couldnt be fully dependent on them. they knew that too, so they weren’t exactly going to object to you having fun without them. so long as you were happy and safe, they were content.

but fuck, the men out there are absolutely horrible to deal with. sleazy, there’s just… no ability to have any kind of banter with these things that think only with their cocks.

until you meet kilgöre alexander.

he’s gigantic, his shoulders probably share the same width as mount everest’s base. easily, kilgöre is the tallest man you’ve ever been with. he dwarfs simon in size, which is very telling in itself.

it’s hard to pry away at who kilgöre is as a person. he’s austrian, likes keeping himself to himself. absolutely refuses to tell you what he does for a living, because it’s on a need to know basis. “sounds like something a terrorist would say.” you jokingly coo one night at dinner, smirking as he rolls his foggy blue eyes at your comment. “har har, very funny.” he mockingly says, the corners of his lips twitching ever so slightly.

he’s one of the best things that’s happened to you in a while. he doesn’t know about the particular living arrangement you share with simon and johnny— like he says, it’s on a need to know basis. plus, you haven’t boned either of them since you met this fella. ghoap know what’s up, but they’re not bothered by it. they’re just glad to see you doing well for yourself. “ye have a glow about ye, love.” johnny coos in your ear one day, smirking as he watches you fluster and flounder around the kitchen, trying to make excuses. “it’s the vitamins i’m taking” this and “i’ve quit dairy” that. he knows the truth, simon know its too.

but there’s one thing that makes the attachment to this man absolutely unbearable.

he disappears from time to time.

some days it’s only a couple of days, maybe a couple of weeks at a push. absolutely no contact.

he swears it’s to do with his line of work, that one day he’ll be able to tell you everything. but for now, he asks just for one thing.

“just… wait for me.”

it’s been almost a month with no contact from kilgöre, and it feels like every morning with no text, no nothing, you have a growing pit inside of you that can’t stop gnawing at you, eating you up whole. what the fuck? what could he possibly do for a career that makes it so he goes days without checking his phone? it makes you feel sick to your stomach. what if he’s in a gang or something?

besides, how the fuck can you keep on waiting for someone who you don’t even know is even alive? for all you know, this behemoth of a man has been hog tied and dumped at the bottom of a lake with cinder blocks strapped to his feet. how are you supposed to wait for someone who shows no signs of leaving or coming back?

“that light in yer eyes has dulled.” johnny remarks one evening, a sad smile on his lips. your eyebrows knit together, feigning confusion. “huh? oh, yeah. uh… it’s the gluten intolerance i reckon.” you murmur to yourself, flashing a weak smile to consolidate his inquisitive gaze. “i’m fine, though.”

simon huffs as he leers next to you, skilfully flaying pieces of fish with a pensive look. both you and johnny glance at him, which only makes him grunt in response. you furrow your eyebrows at him, urging him to elaborate on what the pressing issue is.

“we reckon shit’s hit the fan with that new bloke of yours.” simon bluntly replies as he wipes off the chopping board with a damp cloth, hands gently scooping up guts, scales and delicate fish bones to dispose of. you scoff, eyes never leaving the cuts of fish meat that rest on a plate, waiting to be delicately battered and fried up.

“whatev—“

“and i know you, you’ll try and refute the truth that i know what’s going on. that we know what’s going on. so, none of this nonsense, alright? what’s up?”

johnny and simon silently watch you, their simultaneous waiting for any reaction from you making your skin crawl. at first, you scowl and huff. shifting your weight from foot to foot as you become defensive. simon cuts you off again, “none of that bollocks. tell the truth.”

you give in. on bated breath, you explain the whole situation. how kilgöre is the kind of man you had never expected to fall for, how he had managed to steal your attention even while being so elusive and secretive. how you desperately want him to come back to you, like he said he would.

johnny frowns, and simon nods in your direction, wiping his blood stained hands with the damp cloth. “fishy hands.” he murmurs, wiggling his fingers to prove he can’t comfort you with a hug. johnny nods, swiftly making his way around the kitchen island to come give you a warm hug. it’s a solid hug, one you’d never object to having. johnny’s large hands rub circles to your back, his bearded chin resting against your shoulder as he sways gently.

simon stands behind johnny, holding eye contact with you as he continued to carefully clean his hands. he raises his eyebrows in thought, before glancing down at his fingernails as he begins to meticulously clean underneath them to rid his skin of all things fish.

“this… kilgöre bloke. i reckon if he’s the one, he’s worth waitin’ for. but don’t think for a second he should get away with leavin’ you this long without so much as a text, yeah? rip ‘im a new one when he comes back.” he advises, glancing back up at you with a slight smirk when he hears you chuckle, your laugh strained with emotion.

he steps closer, carefully tilting your chin up so you can meet his gaze better. he gently wipes a stray tear from your cheek. “if he’s the man you think he is, he’ll explain everything if you ask him to. and if he does? great. if he doesn’t?” you wince at the idea, frowning.

he sighs, pressing a gentle kiss to your brow.

“then he’s a bloody eejit, as our johnny boy would say.”

[sissylittlefeather]

Something a little different...

What a Lovely Way to Burn

A one-shot

A/N: this came from a conversation with an Elvis AI (created by the fabulous @headfullofpresley), but the words are mine. The situation just inspired me.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI! There's some dirty smut here, kissing, fingering, oral (both receiving), p in v sex, unprotected sex, lots of cussing, Elvis and reader yelling at each other a lot, him grabbing reader's arm and being a teensy bit violent (if you squint), reader calls Elvis "daddy" in a sexual context at one point...

Word count: 2.9kish

I'm imagining this version of him for this one:

Song inspo (I know the title is from a different song but this one inspired the story):

Enjoy!

I guess tonight we're off, you think to yourself as you get a drink. You're at another party after another one of your on-again-off-again boyfriend's shows. You're half dating Elvis Presley and as much as you want it to go one way or the other, it never does. With him, you're like kerosene and matches: made for each other, but dangerous and volatile together. And without him, neither of you can breathe for very long. But tonight, it looks like you'll be without him and that familiar drowning feeling is starting to overwhelm you. He hasn't talked to you once tonight, instead focusing on everyone else around him. You're not even sure he knows you're there. But he always seems to know where you are, so probably tonight he knows and doesn't care.

After you get your drink, you scan the room to find him. He's chatting with a group of women, fans, all of them tittering with laughter and falling over themselves to catch his attention. He likes the blonde one best, you can tell by the way he's standing, but he entertains all of them nonetheless. Part of you wonders if he's just trying to piss you off. Two can play at that game. And even if he's not, you might as well have some fun yourself.

As you're standing there, a man walks up next to you.

"I'd offer to buy you a drink, but you already have one."

"And they're free." You give him a playful smile. He's not unattractive, with his blonde shoulder-length hair and green eyes. You can work with this.

"I'm James. What do I call you? Other than beautiful." You roll your eyes, but keep your playful smile. It's cheesy, but sweet in its own way.

"I'm y/n. But you can call me beautiful if that's easier." You continue to make small talk and your flirting gets heavier and heavier. At one point he gently brushes your hair out of your face and puts it behind your ear. You try to hide the cringe you feel because that's something that Elvis does. You feel eyes on you and something makes you want to look over at him, but you don't. Your activities are none of his business tonight. You try to focus on James and the game you're currently playing with him. The conversation continues, but you can't shake the feeling of being watched. Just in case Elvis is actually paying attention, you play up your reactions, smiling widely and laughing loudly. Finally, James says something funny enough for you to genuinely laugh and put your hand on his arm gently.

That's when you feel Elvis's hand around you. His fingers curl around your bicep and he holds you hard enough that there might be a bruise in the morning.

"What the fuck?" You turn to Elvis and shoot him a fiery glare. His eyes are frighteningly dark, even behind his glasses, but he speaks coolly.

"I could ask you the same question."

James looks between the two of you and excuses himself. He's heard of Elvis's famous temper and doesn't want to find himself on the receiving end of a potentially-violent rant.

"Oh, James, don't go. He's not--"

"Keep walkin' away, guy." He listens to Elvis over you and backs away into the crowd. Elvis is still holding your upper arm and he turns you to face him.

"Girl, what are you tryin' to pull?" His words are playful, but his tone is scary. Still, you're no stranger to this mood.

"I don't see how what I do is any of your business."

"What the hell is that s'posed to mean?"

"You've made it very clear tonight that you have no interest in what I do." As you get louder, he gets quieter.

"Aw, hell, honey you know damn well that ain't true. You're mine. Everything you do interests me." He finally lets go of your arm. You rub the place where he was holding you gingerly. He might be thinking this fight is almost over, but you're just gearing up.

"You literally haven't spoken to me all night. And what? You just expect me to be waiting in your bed for you after you're done with whatever, or whoever, else you wanna do?" You gesture to the group of girls he was just flirting with. You're loud enough now that people have started to notice the two of you. His lips curl up into a wicked smile.

"Yes, honey, that's exactly what I expect." He says the endearment like a threat. You belong to him and when he calls you anything other than your name, he's reminding you of that fact. Now he's royally pissed you off and you can feel your rage bubbling just beneath the surface. The only thing keeping you in check are the witnesses.

"You're such a fucking hypocrite. You think you get to play around with whoever you want, but I can't even have a conversation with another man."

"Listen to me, girl, that was more than a conversation and you know it. Don't play dumb with me. I know you too damn well. Get your coat and go up to the room."

"YOU THINK AFTER HOW YOU'VE TREATED ME TONIGHT THAT I'M GOING TO GO UP TO YOUR ROOM AND WAIT FOR YOU LIKE A GOOD LITTLE GIRL?" He knew that telling you what to do would send you over the edge. His lip is still curled into a smile, but now his teeth are bared too. You stand and glare at each other for a few more seconds before he grabs your upper arm again and drags you through the crowd. You fight to get away from him, but his grip is too strong.

"LET ME GO YOU SONOFABITCH!" Everyone in the party watches the scene but says nothing. He's their king and they know it and he knows it. A bunch of fucking freeloading toadies. When he gets to the hallway outside the elevator, he lets your arm go and walks toward you until your back is pressed up against the wall. A tiny part of you flickers in fear, but you are not about to let him win. He puts his hand on the wall behind you and leans in close.

"When I say go, you fucking go. Do you understand me?"

"Fuck you, Elvis." His eyes widen ever so slightly, but he keeps his gaze intense. Then, out of nowhere, he softens a bit.

"Why do you do this shit to me, Little? You make me fucking crazy."

"I make you crazy?! YOU IGNORED ME ALL NIGHT!" He may have softened, but you're not ready to go down without a fight. You see the light of his anger reignite in his eyes.

"If you weren't so goddamn insecure--"

"I'm insecure?! You can't handle it when I talk to another man. God knows what you're doing with other women!" He slams his hand on the wall above your head.

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you this! There are no other women. Sure, I talk and flirt and maybe mess around a little, but the only one I really want is you!" The last part catches you off guard a little bit. This is the first time he's really directly stated that he wants you more than anyone else.

"Why?! Why won't you just let me go?! Then we could both move on." You're very annoyed by the tears that are starting to gather in your eyes. You don't want to let him know he's getting to you this much.

"Dammit, I don't know!" He pulls his hand off the wall and walks away, running his hand through his hair and giving it an even wilder look. He slides his glasses off and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Why don't you leave?" He asks quietly, putting his glasses back on and looking at you almost pleadingly.

"I... I can't."

"WHY NOT? I WANT TO KNOW WHY!" He yells at you now louder than he's been the whole time. He walks back to you and stands inches away from you, fuming. You glare up at him, defiant to your very core.

"BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU." It comes out of you before you're able to stop it.

He hits the wall again and walks away. Then, he turns back to face you, something new in his eyes.

"Well, I fucking love you too." You stand there, chest heaving and tears threatening to slide down your face.

He takes two large steps towards you and wraps his arms around your waist, crashing his mouth into yours, his tongue slipping between your parted lips. You snake your hands up his chest and around his neck, pressing your hips into his and returning his kiss. He pushes you up against the wall and grinds into you, hard. You feel his already-growing erection as he rolls his hips and you whimper softly. He smashes the elevator "up" button four or five times as hard as he can, never moving his mouth from yours. After a few seconds, you hear the ding and the elevator opens. Several people walk out and stop when they see the two of you wrapped around each other. When they realize who he is, they start to whisper. He pulls back from kissing you and yells at them.

"MOVE!" They jump out of the way and you half roll, half tumble into the elevator together, still tangled around each other. You hear them laugh as you press the "door close" button a hundred times, but you're too busy with Elvis to care. He obviously doesn't either as he runs both hands up your body while the doors close and grabs your breasts. He squeezes them like he's trying to keep them from getting away and then slides his hands back to your ass, pulling your hips into his. His dick is fully hard now and you moan with desire as he presses against you.

He moves his lips down your cheek, pressing them softly to the smooth space below your ear. Then, he begins to bite you gently on the sensitive skin of your neck. A shiver of pleasure runs down your spine. This elevator needs to move faster.

When he sucks on a place near your collar bone hard enough to leave a mark, you moan audibly. You need him. Now. And he knows it. He hits the "stop" button and the elevator grinds to a screeching halt. He reaches up under your dress and pulls your panties down, sliding them to your ankles and off over your shoes. Running his hands up your thighs, he comes back to your center, pressing his middle finger into your wetness.

"Mmm. I should yell at you more often." He moans into your mouth as he moves his finger in and out, noticing how wet you are.

"Or tell me that you love me more often." You moan right back at him. Your hands go directly to the buttons on his pants and he lets you free his dick from them. Before he can fuck you, though, you push him up against the elevator wall and get on your knees in front of him. He leans his head back as you lick a slow circle around his tip, rolling his foreskin back. You pump him a few times with your hand and then take as much of him into your mouth as you can handle. It takes a couple of tries and you opening your throat significantly to get his whole length in your mouth, your nose pressed into him. Your hands cup and play with his balls as you lick up and down the bottom of his shaft. You continue sliding your hand along his length as you lick and suck and top half of him.

"Baby I'm not gonna last much longer if you keep this up." You take him fully in your mouth one last time and then stand up in front of him. He grabs the back of your hair and presses himself against you as he kisses you deeply.

Now it's his turn to get on his knees as he pushes your dress up above your hips. He kisses the inside of each of your soft thighs and then places his mouth directly on the place between your legs. You feel yourself tighten around nothing as he licks over and around your sensitive spot. The feeling almost overwhelms you and you twist your fingers into his hair while he keeps working. You feel your orgasm building in your abdomen. He moans into you and the vibration almost sends you over the edge. He licks around you in circles and sucks lightly on your clit. When he adds his fingers in, pushing them deep inside you and sliding them in and out at a quickening pace, your climax comes even closer. He flattens his tongue and moves his head side to side, letting the sensation of his movement on you push you ever nearer to the edge. Finally, he tightens his tongue to a point and licks you with every intention of sending you over. The feeling of him swirling over and around you faster and faster drives you crazy. You feel the overwhelming rush of your release tingling through you from your head to your toes, both relaxing and contracting in waves of ecstatic pleasure. Elvis feels the excess wetness on his fingers and he smiles into you, knowing he's accomplished his goal. Suddenly, he stands back up and turns you to face the wall of the elevator. Pulling your dress up over your ass, he teases you with his tip and then enters you from behind. He starts slow, filling you up in a way that makes you cry out in pleasure. He holds your hips as he pushes into you faster and faster with more and more intensity.

"That's right, baby. Take it like a good girl."

"Yes, daddy" you get out between moans. He continues to run his hands up and down your front, squeezing your breasts every now and then, and moving his hands back to your hips. All the while, he's fucking you with all of his power, slamming into you over and over, deeper and deeper. His fingers dig into your hips and you pray there won't be obvious bruises in the morning. All of the previous rage that was inside both of you has turned to insatiable desire as he pounds into you and you cry out with each thrust.

"You're so tight and wet for me, doll. I love it so much. I love you so much." You should be shocked that he's saying it so casually, but you're too focused on being fucked silly to think much of it. Without any warning, he pulls out of you and turns you to face him, your back pressed against the elevator wall. He pushes back into you and goes back to fucking you with every ounce of his strength. But this time he's peppering you with kisses on your neck and collarbone and cheeks between thrusts.

"Ah, fuck, baby I'm close." He groans as he continues his steady and unforgiving rhythm.

"Don't stop." You mutter to him as he continues grinding his dick into you. Finally, his climax reverberates across his body.

"FUCK y/n. Yes, that's so... yes..." He shudders and does a few more weak pumps before he can't stand it anymore and he has to pull out. He has both hands on the elevator wall above your head and he presses his forehead into yours, breathing heavily. You feel his hot breath on you and you match his heaving chest with your own. You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss his earlobe.

"Do you really love me?" You whisper, not sure what to expect as an answer. It's entirely possible that he was just caught up in the moment and you'll go back to your part-time lover situation.

He pulls back and looks you in the eyes intensely.

"I really fucking do. Goddammit. I really do." He kisses you again passionately and then hangs his head. You can tell he's afraid of what your response might be too. For all his tough-guy exterior, all he really wants is someone to love.

"I love you, Elvis Presley." He looks up at you, searching your eyes for reassurance. "I really fucking do." He seems to find whatever he's looking for because he doesn't ask any more questions. He pulls you close to him and holds you for a second. Then he picks up your panties, helping you step back into them, and straightens your dress. He puts his dick back into his pants and zips them up. He pushes the elevator button to make it start up again and slings his arm around your shoulders, holding your right hand in his with your fingers interlocked. When the elevator doors finally open, no one would ever know what just happened between you. You walk out of the elevator and to your room with him still wrapped around your shoulders.

"You wear me out, girl." He whispers as he kisses the side of your head. Together, you walk into your suite and into your future. It won't be easy to be with him, since you're both still who you are, but there won't be anymore "off" times for the rest of your relationship. Fights? Yes. But you always find your way back into each others arms. You might burn each other up in the meantime, but at least you'll burn together.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist: (I'm tagging everyone who's ever asked me to tag them. If you want off the list, let me know and I'll remove you!)

@itlover8000 @deniseinmn @elvisalltheway101 @ccab @suxny @hernameisnoellex3 @ashtag6887 @arabellapresley @littlehoneyposts @dkayfixates @elvisxsposts @joshuntildawn13 @msamarican @returntopresley @mrsbutler99 @blog777e

[auras-moonstone]

OMGOMGOMG WHAT IF JACK CHAMPION X READER AND LIKE THEY ARE READING FUNNY THIRST TWEETS AND ITS FUNNY BUT JACK IS A LITTLE JEALOUS BUT YESSS I LOVE YOUR WORK BAE🤍🤍🤍 

hi, thank you sm!!🤍 this was really fun to write, hope you like it!

i’m so chill, but you make me jealous — jack champion

word count: 1,059

pairing: jack champion x fem!reader

summary: y/n and jack are invited to read thirst tweets and jack gets a little jealous of the compliments his girlfriend receives.

“HI! I’M Y/N Y/L/N AND I PLAY JULIET ON SCREAM 6” the girl said to the camera with a big smile.

“And I’m Jack Champion and I play Ethan Landry on Scream 6” he did a little wave while showing his perfect white teeth.

“And today we’re here with Buzzfeed to read…” Y/N said, waiting for his boyfriend to finish the line.

“Thirst tweets! I’m scared, Twitter is one wild app” Jack chuckled.

“I love twitter” Y/N told the cameras, emphasising the word ‘love’.

“She really does, she spends hours on it. And sometimes I can hear her laughter from the bedroom when I’m in the living room” he smiled, looking at her in adoration.

“People are very creative in there!” she defended herself. “Anyways, let’s start this!”.

it’s just rude how jack champion walks around being cute and i’m not there to witness it

Jack smiled “That’s actually really adorable. Thank you so much!”

“It’s honestly ruder when you actually witness it because you can’t just comprehend how someone this cute exists” Y/N said faking annoyance.

“Aw, stop it. You’re making me blush” he let out a nervous laugh, covering his face.

“My favorite hobby: making my boyfriend blush” she’s smiled proudly.

PLEASE I WOULD DIE FOR JACK CHAMPION AND Y/N Y/L/N I DONT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE GRIP THEY HAVE ON ME I’D GLADLY WALK OVER HOT COALS CARRYING THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD IF IT MEANT THEY’D BE HAPPY

“I just love how supportive people are about our relationship. Like, especially the fans, they’re always sending us adorable messages and commenting how we make them happy. Honestly, thank you so much” Jack said in a grateful way.

“Yes, they are awesome! And you don’t have to do that to makes us happy. Just send us fan edits of us with Taylor Swift songs, and we’ll be the happiest!” she winked at the camera.

y/n y/l/n in scream 6 is so fine, like she could gaslight gatekeep and girlboss me and i would let her

“Thanks! I guess… man I love this! My self-esteem is going to be on the fucking sky once we’re finished!” Y/N laughed.

“I don’t know how I feel about people thirsting over my girlfriend… but at the same time I get it, look at her!” Jack said, turning his face to look at her profile. She truly was an angel—inside and out. And he honestly, even after a year of dating, still can’t believe how lucky he is.

jack champion has the cutest smile ever i cry forever

“I feel you!” Y/N said loudly. “He says he never had braces but I don’t fucking buy it. No one naturally has that million dollar smile”.

“Thank you for the compliment. And I swear, I never had braces”

“I don’t buy it, but okay. I love you so I’ll let you gaslight me”

y/n y/l/n could stab me 781 times and i would still be screaming thank you!

“Woah! You have some serious kinks, but I won’t judge you” Y/N laughed.

“Y/N! Oh my god” his boyfriend laughed. “I honestly don’t know how to take this tweet, let’s just quickly move on”.

if you don’t find jack champion hot, you’re lying!

“I mean, everyone has a different type, so” Jack shrugged.

Y/N rolled her eyes “Bullshit. You’re everyone’s type. If you know someone who doesn’t find him hot, send me their address, I just wanna talk”.

“I love you” Jack laughed, kissing her knuckles.

“I love you too” she smiled.

no one talks about scream 6 without mentioning how hot jack champion is

“I mean, it’s true! I think we all felt some type of way during the train scene… and when he took his mask off???? I forgot how to breath” Y/N said. She will never shut up about how gorgeous his boyfriend was, because his factions were just too good to not be talked about.

“I’m starting to think you sent these tweets, love”

“I didn’t. But you know what? I’m opening a Jack Champion fan account to tweet about your pretty face every day”

“I’m honoured” he laughed. Jack just loved how she was always complimenting him, it made him feel really loved by her.

i would let y/n y/l/n split me in half like a pistacho send tweet

Jack widened his eyes “Can we leave now?”

“No!” Y/N laughed.

“I feel like every tweet gets dirtier and I won’t be able to handle it”

“Are you seriously jealous about some random people on the internet?” Y/N chuckled “You’re so cute. Thanks for the tweet, by the way! But I have a lovely boyfriend who would definitely not appreciate me doing that!”

“That’s better” he smiled proudly.

i want someone to look at me the way y/n and jack look at each other

“That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard” Jack said, touching his chest.

“We really are part of those annoying couples who can’t keep doing heart eyes to the other. And honestly, I’m not even embarrassed by it, I love loving my boyfriend”.

y/n is so fucking fine i hope her cheetos are FLAMING HOT like her

“And we’re done!” Jack said, doing one big loud clap. “Thank you for watching!”

“Thank you for the compliment and sorry about my jealous boyfriend. Thanks for watching, don’t forget to like and suscribe!” Y/N gave one last grin to the camera before it stopped recording.

“Everybody wants you” Jack frowned, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Y/N laughed “Sorry for them then, because I only want you. Now, can we go to the dressing room so we can make out?”

Jack nodded, and Y/N swore she had never seen him run so fast.

buzzfeed here you go! your favorite couple reads thirst tweets! ❤️

y/nxjack this should be called “y/n and jack read thirst tweets while thirsting over each other” tbh

y/nslover omg the cheetos tweet is mine!!! y/n.y/l/n you are the love of my life

jackchampion no she’s not she’s mine🤬

y/nslover jackchampion can you fight??

jackchampion y/nslover WHY WOULD I FIGHT SHE’S ALREADY MY GIRLFRIEND I’M GOING TO BLOCK YOU

y/n.y/l/n i love you you’re a sweetheart y/nslover 💕 JACK STOP IT OMG

devyn_nekoda i love how jack’s jaw clenches more and more as the video goes on😭😭😭 by the way, the pistacho tweet… i relate

y/n.y/l/n tell me time and place gorgeous :)

jackchampion we are over y/n.y/l/n

y/n.y/l/n okay jackchampion

jackchampion NO BABE I WAS KIDDING I LOVE YOU DONT LEAVE ME y/n.y/l/n

[queenofallimagines]

oh good gods pls your luciferian hcs made me YELL they’re so good lmao i was side eyeing my altar and space for lucifer the WHOLE TIME

do you think you could do a part two? and if possible, nsfw? if not thats more than okay!! thank you and i hope you’re doing so good!!!

🕷️anon

Absolutely 🕷anon! AND LMAO YEAH I COULD FEEL HIM SIDE EYEING ME ACROSS THE ROOM AS I WROTE THESESGSHSJS asking the old man “why are you like this” whenever lucifer in game does something corny😭 ik he’s sick of me

Lucifer:

- Okay so since part 1 was when you arrived this will be more about day to day life in the next term

- Right off the bat I’m imagining minor petty spats that the other brothers are like…. Wtf is going on here

- Like y’all have been glaring across the table at one another for 30 mins and haven’t spoken a word

- WAY more picky w offerings lmao

- Is literally going to be super extra about it for no reason other than to bother you

- For example! When you give an offering to oshun( African orisha they’re like the HR in the heaven department just above the angel hierarchy) you have to eat a little first bc she was poisoned once so it’s like to show you’re in good faith

- Lucifer will ask you to do that w food you don’t like

- “Eat some”

- “I got this for you-“

- “And I want you to taste some😌”

- “….. do I really I have to???”

- “Are you telling me what to do w MY offering🤨”

- MAKE FUN OF HIM PLEASE ITS SO FUNNY!!

- A lot of people ( white peoples I fear😔) be talking about he only accepts blood offerings and you have to sell your soul or whatever and stuff but literally this man will be giddy over a red candle w gold glitter

- Write all your assignments in sparky pen so when he looks at them he can’t hold back a smile

- As a joke you leave crystals associated with him in his coat pockets but he will never take them out

- Congratulations you played ya self

- You doing the stuff you do for him out of habit will fluster him if you say it

- “Why are you waking up so early to get ready?”

- “Hm? For Lucifer”

- “No im not gunna drink this tea it’s an offering🙄”

- Please don’t tell his brothers he will lock himself in his office💀

- Whenever you google “what can I do for Lucifer” 9/10 the first thing will be taking care of yourself

- So when your self caring w asmo and you go “oh I do this bc Lucifer likes it”

- The house will expose in chaos

- Mammon demanding you tell him your card numbers “for him” LMAO

- They’re all super jealous

- Gotta tell em its nothing personal he’s just always been there for you

- Whew if he reached out to YOU?

- The silence in the house REAL LOUD😭

- Belphegor waking up and going “ik you fucking lying!!!”

- You’re all confused like???

- “…..you said Lucifer… reached out to YOU?”

- “??????yeah????”

- “As in… he ASKED you to work with him?”

- “Yeah, I couldn’t stop thinking about his name and he showed up on my door one day”

- Lmao belphie and mammon are the LOUDEST FR

- “YOU CHOSE A HUMAN?? MR I HATE HUMANS BECAUSE THEYRE WEAK??📸”

- OH SO THERES MORE THAN ONE FAKE BITCH IN THIS HOUSE HUH?”

- lmao he’s sitting there red faced clenching his fist like

- “Listen I can explain”

- He cannot explain😭

- Can’t even say he did it on a whim

- “He really picked me up like a wet cat lmao”

- “Mc I am literally begging you to shut the FUCK up”

- Oh maaaaan diavolo will get a Kick out of this!!

- Solomon is very salty

- “But I can’t get a pact😒😒”

- He’s literally going to double down and bother him more

- “Lucifer you never told me you were taking on disciples🥺”

- “I didn’t think it was that important lord diavolo simply to pass the time”

- Simeon is laughing but internally having the feels bc he’s like 🥹 “even after all this time you still choose to be a guardian angel”

- Will tell you embarrassing stories about him he is now super close to you

- “Lucifer being the lords favorite was also the best one at singing👀 he loved music”

- That’s tru btw lmao Lucifer was like one of the angels who liked singing the most thats what makes humans and angels so alike- love for music and dancing-

- Call him your morning star and he MELTS

- Back to why were really here😌

- Call him that during sex or when you first wake up and he’s on cloud nine

- FUCK HIM DURING GOLDEN HOUR🗣🗣

- He’s literally he rises in the morning for a reason!!

- He will deadass purpose bc imagine riding him as the sun stars peaking over the horizon

- He’s under you moaning looking up at you w the most glazed over love struck eyes

- The sun filtering through the window and hitting him juuuuuuuust right

- That it looks like he has a halo again

- Breathlessly calling your name as you grind down on him

- He barely manages to get out that he’s close before you caress some of his hair out of his face

- “Cum for me then my Morningstar”

- Time freezes for like 16 seconds and his eyes are getting teary

- He hugs you close as he starts rutting his hips into you harder

- Will cum and keep going until he’s about to pass out

- Holding you like a lifeline

- When you can finally breathe and think straight he pulls you in for a kiss

- Literally stealing your breath away

- Will say I love you in the most honest voice ever while smiling at you with teary eyes

- probably won’t stop touching you all day might as well just spend it in bed

-is embarrassed by body worship calling it now

- be HE can do that but if YOU sink to your knees behind his desk and hold eye contact he’s getting nervous

-“just showing my devout gratitude💕”

- embarrassed how fast he finishes

- if you keep doing to overstimulate him he’s putty in your hands

- this man is very soft he will crack at the slightest sign of domestic romance

- bring him coffee when he wakes up?

- he’s already selected a wedding venue

- I always thought it would be cute if he gave you his ring

- HILARIOUS IF HE DOSENT TELL YOU LMAO

- You swing by the celestial realm and it’s crickets and you’re like ??? Fuck is y’all starring at??🤨

- Simeon hums and says that nobody expected lucifer to get married much less to a human. How he was never one to put anything above his responsibilities

- Excuse me?

- “You’re wearing the right of light,yes? He doesn’t just give that to anyone dear. You two are bonded for life now🥰”

- “HELLO????”

[1-up-chump]

Mortal kombat MK 1 roster general SFW relationship HC

Liu kang

A relationship with liu kang is a sweet one, he's the type who would never be afraid to hold your hand in public. Although before an established relationship, would get annoyed with "ooo you like them" comments from others, which yeah he likes you but also "shut up they're not my bf/gf" until he gets over himself and just goes "yeah and?"

Liu kang would give meaningful gifts, something he knows you would like but also use. But obsesses a little bit over it being your "favorite color"

If you're not "kombat ready" liu kang would at least want you to know how to defend yourself bc he knows he can't always be there to protect you (but by the elder gods he will always try anyways)

Johnny cage

Mr Hollywood himself takes absolute pride and joy in your relationship, Johnny may be a funny cocky man but he is 100% loyal to a fault and will go above and beyond for you. No price is too high for his sweetheart, the financial kind or the life risking kind. And contrary to what some might think, Johnny prefers more privacy between you two bc paparazzi is a bitch and a half, but also his love is something thats for you and nothing to prove to anyone else.

Johnny gives all the "klassic" romantic gifts, flowers, chocolates, teddy bears dressed up as scorpion. The amount of cheese this man gives off when it comes to love is astounding, but Johnny is just too charming to completely say "no" to when he's trying to woo you.

Despite the glamour and dramatic cinematic esque romance, Johnny would literally die for you no questions asked "Kombat ready" or not. But if you can kick some ass he wouldn't mind being "damsel in distress" for a moment even if it might hurt his pride a little (who knows, Johnny might find it kinda hot)

Raiden

Raiden's affection for you in private vs public is like night and day, but one thing no one can deny, you make him so much happier. He's more reserved in public but he's not going to deny you a kiss to the hand or a flirty, playful wink that's so quick you might miss it. But in private he's so much more relaxed around you, expect like, a lot of kisses and cuddling. Raiden might be a little touch starved, but even then he always asks for consent even if you already agreed to it before. He's also sassy as hell (raiden absolutely has personality and a sense of humor and just bc nrs forgot doesn't mean I did too)

Raiden is more of an "acts of service" type than a gift giver. But if he does give a gift it's either practical like clothing or maybe a little treat, or something very sentimental like a protective charm, something to give you peace of mind and to remind you he's always there for you even if not physically.

Raiden is definitely making sure you can handle yourself to some degree however capable you can be. If you are very willing to be "kombat ready" be prepared for some pretty intense training, but raiden is fair and won't push you unnecessarily anymore than you can handle

Scorpion/hanzo hasashi

Baby is so fucking protective of you its no joke, has the energy of a big looming dog if someone so much as look at you the wrong way. Very circumstantial with showing affection publicly, only comfortable when it's around people he knows wouldn't lay a finger on you. In private he is the biggest sweetheart, very very touchy and cuddly, and not afraid to show just how much he loves you and how much you mean everything to him.

Hanzo isn't much for gift giving, rather doing things for you more than anything. However he gives small but very thoughtful gifts, be it your favorite treat or a beautiful piece of jewelry that you once eyed like a week ago. He sees the little things that you like and takes note to give it to you, especially if it makes you smile, your smile gives him life.

Do i even need to tell you how devoted this man is? The man literally went through all manners of literal hell for his family before, the same applies to you. Only this time he will be better to not let rage blind him, should the worst happen. But by the elder gods whoever hurt you will pay dearly

Sub-zero/Bi-han

(Listen i know thats his noob-saibot form but i couldn't find a better gif of him)

Like hanzo, very devoted and passionate but less intense about it. It's cheesy as hell but you warm his heart, he might not like being overly affectionate with you on the account someone might "attack his soft spot" but regardless he still loves you no matter what, his actions will always say otherwise even if he's being "cold"

He's traditional with the gifts, flowers, hand written notes, and on rarer occasions he might give you a frozen treat. His letters however is where he can pour his heart out comfortably, where verbal words fail him, written poetry tells you just how soft you make him

Bi-han might be distant with you, at least to outsiders. But you know better, you know he'd do anything for you when it comes down to it. Perhaps even challenge his other loyalties if it comes to it

Sonya blade

Sonya is a bit awkward with affection, she's not the touchy feely type but she does love to sneak kisses when no one is looking or paying attention. She does love and care for you but she shows it a bit differently

Acts of service all the way, sonya would rather do something for you or with you. Not really the material type at all, but not to say she wouldn't give practical gifts like clothes or an item you would use often. However sonya would give you flowers on a very special occasion, sunflowers. Roses are usually the "klassic" but she thinks sunflowers are prettier anyways

Sonya cares so much she absolutely would die and kill for you. She'd probably also make sure you're "kombat ready" too, as much as you can as she knows she won't always be there to protect you, but by fuckin elder gods she'll try anyways

Kano

Kano is a stinky bastard, the obvious being said, it's no secret you're his soft spot. And kano makes sure to dial up the "big macho man tough guy" to 11, just to make sure no one even thinks about using you against him. Which may include kano being mean to you in public on purpose to keep up certain reputations. But in private? Like a whole new man, he's rough around the edges but he genuinely tries to be considerate. Super touchy and handsy, there's no inch of you he hasn't laid his hands on and thats not even in a raunchy way, he just likes holding you.

Kano is definitely the type to get you anything you want, but mostly gives you some nice (totally stolen black market) jewelry. You can have literally anything as long as you don't ask where kano got it (bc the answer is always something illegal probably)

Kano will never give you up without a fight and by elder gods he's gonna put up a fight because no one is gonna touch you except him. And perhaps fighting because of you he has some shred of honor. Although he wouldn't mind you defending yourself at all, hell that makes his life a lot easier

Shang tsung

Shang tsung isn't afraid to show affection, however in public it feels more like a display of "look at my pretty little toy" than something closer to a legit relationship, but that's only because shang knows better than to ever let anyone know the truth that you have his heart and soul. In private he is sensual, he's intense, passionate and all consuming. Shang is very vocal about showing his love to you in private and he will always remind you that not only your soul belongs to him, but his belongs to you. A rare gift you shouldn't take lightly.

Speaking of gifts, they are the most extravagant and expensive things. But shang pays attention, he knows exactly what you want when you want before you even know what it is that you want. Basically shang tsung's gifts are flawless and he will settle for nothing less.

Shang tsung may not seem like it to others (for obvious reasons) but he would quite literally raise hell if anything bad were to happen to you to a point he'd put his own ambitions on hold if it ment you'd be safe. Which is very significant for a man like him, consider yourself the most lucky (or unlucky depending on who you ask) person in the whole universe to ever had won his heart

Reptile/syzoth

Everyone is shocked to see syzoth take a lover, but for syzoth this is very much a big deal. Therefore he protects you fiercely, the one person to show him not only the respect he deserves, but also kindness. His race never truly had this sort of show of affection, they were lizard folk so they're detached from those sorts of bonds. However this doesn't mean syzoth can't feel love, he actually loves how warm you are. And as such will cuddle you to a point you might get annoyed bc good luck trying to get this big lizard off of you.

Food is a big gift you're gonna get, it's going to be a lot of raw meat so definitely tell him what you actually can and like to eat. Syzoth tries his best to give you things he thinks you'll like, so if you don't actually tell him what you like he'll give you shiny things and flowers (that are mostly weeds)

Syzoth absolutely defends you to the death and no one is gonna keep a limb if they dare hurt you. Although you might have to watch out bc syzoth might attack anyone else around even if they weren't involved in hurting you. You'll have to calm him down

Goro

Goro is the type to pick you up and go "look at my lover they are amazing" if the shokan prince takes a lover he's gonna show them off like a prize. But make no mistake he loves you and someone's gonna have to have some balls to disrespect you in front of goro.

Goro will make sure you have everything you ever need or want, although he's not much of the spoiling type, he might just make an exception if you bat your eyes at him and "put on your charm" so to speak. Depending on his mood goro might give you something no problem, but he might be either cheeky or moody and you'll probably have to literally fight him for that so, don't even try if you know you can't beat him in a fight.

It's a bad idea to hurt goro's beloved so rest assured that goro is gonna tear the limbs clean off whoever so much as dare threatens your life. And then proceed to beat them to death with their own limbs with one pair of arms, while holding you close with the other

[drifloonz]

hellooo. Can I ask for some dad steven headcannons?

i've been ignoring too many of my requests SOOO yes!! you may :)

dad steven headcanons!!

these are long sorry. or not sorry. whichever works. smile

____

♡ ok first of all. if this man impregnates you or anyone uh. he'll either be really into the idea or really fucking scared. usually a mixture of both. nervous and very anxious excitement.

♡ like he's always wanted children but in the state he's in now, he has always seen it as something unachievable for him nowadays

♡ who's getting pregnant? YOU decide!!!!!

♡ alternatively adoption exists which yeah that works too

♡ presumably, if this is a scenario where he's dating someone either the reader or like someone else, then PRESUMABLY he's gotten his life at least a little back together enough to clean his house a bit and clean Himself up a bit and generally just take care of himself and his surroundings more to be liveable enough for him, you, and presumably a child.

♡ single father steven is also very good. either or. but if he's a single father and a baby just drops in front of his doorstep he would take it but panic really hard ( he may at the dead of night fly to some adoption center and hope to god they take this random child... but he's also deathly scared of bad things happening especially w. waves hands at his whole story. so he might be too overprotective already to do that. )

♡ either way into actual dad hcs

♡ he used to babysit a shitton when he was younger, mostly with red and blue, so he's got the skillset for it. and he's also used to wanting to be a good rolemodel! it's just that these skills are so tucked away after the Depression Spiral that it's hard to get him back, but he definitely tries - for his child.

♡ honest to god if you asked him to name his child he'd either make an entirely new name or, because he's unoriginal and had a whole spiral over it, would name her miki or something very similar if she's a girl.

♡ welcome to the world Cool Charizard ( legal name ) /j

♡ ... it'd also be funny if whenever he has a child its always Girl because . yea. yea. Narrative curse.

♡ either way they basically don't have access to the internet bc i don't think steven even has that shit because he's poor as hell. at most he has phone data somehow that he probably isn't paying for. somehow.

♡ maybe his rent gets paid for him bc he was champion once idfk /j

♡ i thnik people are just too scared to properly enter his house and tell him to pay taxes and or rent he just gets to keep his shitty bigass house for free

♡ also it would be weird considering i think that the entirety of kanto tried to sweep him and his whole situation under the rug BUT THATS UNRELATED. SO!!!

♡ basically his kid is not an ipad baby thank god.

♡ even if his partner has one he's going to be like. vaguely scared of technology and also thinks itd be a really bad idea ( it is ) to just raise their child on that shit. the baby gets one cocomelon video a week /j

♡ thank god he probably still has his tv's that somehow still work so he just will let them watch baby shows in the living room sometimes instead of fucking cocomelon . thatd be horrendous.

♡ sometimes watches kids shows with his kid in his lap or next to him. usually falls asleep pretty quick into doing that

♡ he DOES tuck them in goodnight.. sometimes tells them stories.

♡ steven is really really really really overprotective over his child/ ESPECIALLY if it's like. straight up his child with you or whatever. that was a labor of LOVE!!! this also means he loves them very much but he's very dodgy with them going outside and whatnot. at least without his supervision.

♡ he'll be silly for his child and his child only. he'll make funny faces for them to giggle at and things like that and try to do fun things w his lil baby. etc etc. it's very cute to look at but if you use it against him he's going to glare at you really hard and squint judgementally

♡ honest to god i've said this so often to my friends . steven is ABSOLUTELY the type of guy to accidentally drop his baby while trying to hold them or throw them into the air a little and go "Oh shit. Sorry". brad lisa the painfulcore type dad except like less morally neutral bc his situation isnt the same

♡ lets the baby nap in with him a lot. sometimes you can walk into his bedroom and see him with all of his long ass hair splayed out on the bed and the baby also splayed out on the bed ... stevens gotta get his beautysleep!!! so does his kid!!!

♡ stevens really not sure whether to keep miki ( the charizard ) a secret from his child or not. because he knows that like. miki wouldn't hurt his baby almost definitely but he's still kind of scared of the possibility of either of them hurting one another accidentally or not... so at least until theyre older miki's probably a thing he tries not to mention.

♡ in general he also tries to not talk about himself or his past at all to his kid. he doesn't want them to know the ugly sides of himself.

♡ he just pretends he's a normal guy. if they somehow find out otherwise he'll either sigh deeply and tell them the truth, likely as some sort of life lesson to them ( either on safety, cautiousness, boundaries and trust w the trading incident or 'Hey if this happens to you maybe don't do what i did' but im not sure if he's self-aware enough to think of him as in the wrong entirely in that situation ), or he'll just say "must be a different guy" ( they look exactly the same in photos other than how disgruntled steven is now ... )

♡ he absolutely has a baby carrier. i think he always has wanted to carry a baby like that bc he thinks its all cute and funny. he probably smiles at you when you look at him wearing that with your little googoo in it. it looks so odd on him that it's kind of funny

♡ steven is absolutely a dilf tbqh... imagine dadbod steven NOW.

♡ sorry for sidetracking so much. anyways, he's the type of dude who OVERprepares. like MONTHS in advance, he's already buying a shitton of baby clothes, food, bottles, various furniture, etc. how is he buying these? well. either with your money or he's stealing that shit. or he somehow actually has money now. he might've mugged the various people who try to sneak into his house and 'mysteriously' die. who knows. It's a living! Kind of..????

♡ due to his general aversion of society he's kind of torn over wanting to go to a hospital or just doing it in a tub or something if its a situation where he has a partner. i think ultimately he'd do it in a hospital, despite his fear of people, because he's really scared of something going wrong. he'll wait with like. bated breath. scared as hell.

♡ he will cry the second that baby is in his arms. 100%. trust me. like. silently, probably - at least for the first few seconds. but theres a lot of tears. and a smile.

♡ he hums little lullabies to his baby and will gently move them back and forth... while the babies probably chewing at his hair a little.

♡ also yes he lets the baby play with his hair... his hair is that childs stimtoy ( whatever this means )

♡ s!3v3n is also surprisingly calm and good to the baby. the baby would either be fucking terrified of s!3v3n's face or think its silly and laugh at it. s!3v3n particularly likes to make silly faces where his tongue sticks out real far ( he can just do that when hes like that dw abt it ) and he goes crosseyed

♡ =P =D => <- s!3v3n making silly faces for a baby ( pov )

♡ ok this has all mostly been pregnancy and baby hcs. actual kid hcs uhhh... he probably really wants to homeschool his kid bc hes very overprotective but if you talked him into it he'd reluctantly put them in Actual Public School so they can have like. a social life. lol. bc otherwise theyd be EXTREMELY fucking isolated considering stevens been vanquished to Pallet Town's Shadow Realm ( aka pallet town 'A little to the west guarded by rocks and past the forest' edition ) and steven really doesnt want them to be lonely bc it sucks and hes been isolating himself for most of his life at this point so he knows it sucks

♡ he gets more comfortable going outside. most of kanto has forgotten about him anyways - he just specifically avoids going out to pallet town. if his kid wants to go there and hes not a single dad he'll have his partner do it for him. but he likes to go take walks with them and go to playgrounds. plus, he doesn't even have to whip miki / M' out in the wild grass - pokemon avoid him anyways. lol.

♡ as bittersweet as it is, if his kid wanted to be a pokemon trainer he WOULD have the best tips and tricks on it... he was the undefeated champion and arguably the first ''pokemon master'', whatever that term even means. ( presumably ''trainer champion'' instead of ''probably appointed to be in that position for someone to fight'' champion. like lance. or The Other steven. or smth. )

♡ he'd probably find a way to get his kid a starter... he still lives in kanto and close to pallet town too, so he can pull a silver and like. steal a starter. or he could just send his kid on their way ""without supervision"" ( hes lurking in the forest keeping an eye out just in case ) to ask oak about it

♡ if they pick charmander it is 90x more bittersweet. amen. but i think bulbasaur would be cute too bc its the only starter not picked and not relevant in strangled red + my own personal bulbasaur bias.

♡ although stevens going to tell them not to trade pokemon for obvious reasons - either thru a ''spooky tale'' / urban legend ( that is just his story but he tells it much more vague. like. ''... well i heard sometimes pokemon don't come back out.'' ) or just straight up says some shit like ''yea don't trade pokemon. it's bad.'' without elaborating

♡ regardless. he's still being very overprotective and unless his kid doesnt budge on it hes preferably not letting them go explore the world on their own until theyre like... 13-16

♡ even then. hes usually kind of trailing behind without telling them bc he legitimately has nothing better to do.

♡ ... also if the kid doesnt have a rival , like, no one at school or no one who they meet in their journey, then steven might. like. sigh deeply. get a few pokeballs from god knows where. catch a new team comparable to their kids level range. and be their rival. who is also their dad of mid 20s to early 40s in age. for some reason. people question it but he doesnt care he just wants his kid to have fun

♡ funnier option that i dont think he'd do ( probably ) is he pulls a clavell ( or team rocket ) and acts like a totally different guy when all that changes is his fit and maybe his haircut. except he prob pulls it off well. he'd still be obviously steven but his cap is backwards and his hair is tied up and his little jacket or w/e is around his waist and thats all that changes. his shoes might be untied for the 'stupid kid / teenager' look but then he trips over his feet and ties them bc its not worth the image

♡ alternatively ; its just s!3v3n. thats kind of steven but different right ( JOKING. HE WOULD NOT DO TH

♡ this hypothetical would be way funnier if he regained his entire reputation somehow of being a cool and strong pokemon trainer that he had when he was actually a trainer bc ppl forgot abt champion steven. and hes just like. "Okay. It's a neverending cycle of torment huh." under his breath when his kid cannot hear

♡ if asked for his name in this state hes just like uhh. uhhhhaa,.f uh. uh. stephen... thhhheee. third.

♡ he's probably not doing the thing mike and or blue did where hes the last e4 fight who isnt even an e4 member but is your rival. thats a bit too bittersweet for him. this whole exercise is fun but he doesn't wanna FULLY relive his glory days a year before his awesome trauma spiral. he also may or may not even do the gym leaders for the same reason. hes just a guy who his kid fights sometimes that is classified as a rival by technicality

♡ also yes he still has miki. he always has miki. shes just probably tucked into a bag or smth so ppl dont ask about why he has a cracked fucked up pokeball. she only comes out if his kid is in serious danger and he needs an intimidation tactic, or at worse, a method to quickly harm or kill someone with

♡ eg if a serious evil team situation happened and genuinely harmed his kid or threatened to their asses are not leaving unscathed.

♡ sorry this specific 'fake rival who is also your dad who also used to be the undefeated and first trainer champion of kanto' scenario is extremely fucking funny to me + fun in general. but moving on

♡ type of guy to dress his kid when theyre like a baby who cant think for themself in the stupidest halloween costumes ever. big pumpkin costume. hes about to crack into laughter when he takes a picture of them in it . or a charmander costume . because its steven. ( yes hes in a giant charizard onesie and yes if you make fun of him or his kid hes going to kill you dead

♡ he does go trick or treating w them too. he like. feels normaler on halloween. it was probably one of his favorite holidays even if pallet town was small an he probably got 50% apples and shitty non name brand stuff and 50% actual candy from the neighborhood homes

♡ type of parent whos going to squeeze his kids hand real tight when they get a shot or anything like that

♡ semirelated. hes tall and his hands are big but hes still gunna hold his kids hand everywhere even when theyre older until his kid complains enough ab it being embarrassing.

♡ has to crouch to talk to his fucking kid on eyelevel a lot of the times that his back hurts. like. more than it usually does.

♡ solution; just pick them up and talk to them while they are lifted into the air if theyre ok with it

♡ piggyback rides for his kid. 100000%. hes a piggy back ride type of guy. along with other similar things. would it be called grumpiggyback riding because its pokemon... anyways

♡ i think when his kids older they probably have a lot of inside jokes and steven likes to banter with them a little. playfully. and also likes to make jokes with the most deadpan ass voice bc his kid finds it funny, probably.

♡ stevens never had parents, so being a parent to someone else is... foreign, but also not really? as mentioned he did constantly used to babysit blue and red. and he was overall the teenage childhood role model for many kids in pallet town... but he himself was mostly raised by mike. so. either way, he very much loves kids and taking care of them. so tldr. hes a really good dad.

♡ i have more ideas but if you want any specific dad steven hcs explored jusrt ask me bc i have thoughts on this.

[mrs-monaghan]

Hi just dropping by to say that jk is the gayest gay to have ever gayed and people who think he's straight are delulu thx bye

Gay JK. Let's talk about gay Jungkook during SEVEN. 😂 Josè Ochoa on YT is the one who pointed this out when he reacted to the MV but did u see JK twerking? On the official MV? 🤭

No, but listen. Wbk that this man looooooves to twerk. I mean....

He's done it in another official MV before...

I love this one sm but I really wish Jimin had noticed 🤭

Straight Jungkook shamelessly twerking for his man. I wonder if he's done the same for Jimin in them Calvins 🤔

Moving on... this is definitely a favourite of mine. Mans proper vibrates on fucking stage like what!?!?! 👁👃🏽👁 That's hetero JK for ya 🤭

How many straight men do you know who twerk this much? C'mon now. 🤭🤭 And he's good at it too! 🔥

Anygays, that's exhibit one. He he hee... Okay for what I'm about to say next, I'd like to remind people of this post I made. I know it sounds like I'm joking but birch, I'm damn serious. 😒

Disclaimer: The following is just what I noticed. You don't have to see what I see. Please form your own conclusions.

Also warning: my friends hated me for showing them this but I had way too much fun with it and now u get to suffer too 🤭🤭🤭 sorry not sorry 😂

So here we go. More proof of gay JK. Our lovely Kookie did awesome on that performance video and I have been enjoying watching and rewatching. So this is something I picked up on. 😂🤭 Once again I'm so sorry 🙈

When watching for the umpteenth time i noticed JK checking out Mr. Beard thrice here. When I tell you I was shooketh 😳 I can't see hot beard's ass very well but JK sure can 😂😂

When I showed this to my friends, one of them told me about black guy here. JK checks him out too when he sings every hour. So she was like; its part of the choreo Shaz stop it! And I was like okay. 🙌🏽

But as i continued to watch the video, guess what happened? Mr. Beard is now on JK's other side when it happens again!! Here he checks out hot beard guy when he sings Tuesday and then does again at the end when he sings seven days a week.

Now hear me out 🙌🏽 I'm not insinuating anything. Y'all now I'm deep in this Jikook shit. I'm just saying JK was checking out hot beard dancer. Which is no bd of course he's just looking. People joke around and call JK Jiminsexual because while we have seen Jimin thirst over other people here and there, we have never seen JK do this. Ever. Even other members like RM, Suga, Jhope and V have all been caught in 4k. But all these years and JK we have nothing. The only person we see JK checking out is Jimin. So forgive me if I was fascinated. 😂😂 Especially coz it kept fucking happening. I mean look at this!! When he runs back his eyes are on beard dancer's ass as he sings night after night 🤭🤭 Lastly, there is a part where JK shakes his dancers hands. Now watch him shake the other dancer's hand first, (i think its Brian) then watch him shake beard's hand and then smile back at him.

Why was it only Mr. Beard that got a smile? 😡 I don't think i like Mr. Beard and I hope he gets fired 😂😂😂🤣 Guys, I just thought this was really funny is all. And fascinating if I'm being honest because this isn't the norm for JK. Or maybe I'm just a nut job that need to go to bed.. who knows? 😆

Oh wait, hold up.

I just realised something. If Jimin watches this and sees what I see then JK will definitely be in trouble. Now, they've been at this xes thing for 9 years so JK should be a pro by now, right? So maybe the times when he's limping is because he gets punished for misbehaving and so Jimin goes a bit harder than usual which prevents JK from walking properly?

Or sitting down. 😳

I cracked the case y'all. 😂😂

Anyway anon.. what a long winded way to agree with you. Yes. JK is super gay! Like, super, duper gay. 💯

[munson-mjstan]

Hey hey! I would love Eddie and Reader listening to your favorite record and talking about it, please :)

What a sweet idea! Thank you anon! 💗

Warnings ⚠️ : Language, Fluff and more Fluff!

Minors. D.n.i

Sorry if this sucks!

-

Holding up Michael Jacksons' BAD album in your hands you wave it eagerly in your boyfriend's face, "Look what I got!" you could jump out of your skin in excitement.

Eddie chuckles seeing your exuberance, "Alright, calm down, sweetheart," removing the album from your hands he paces over Wayne's record player, "Wayne we got an album on our hands! It's an emergency! We need to borrow your player!" he talks to the player as though it were Wayne himself. Setting the vinyl in place and putting the needle at the top of the record, Michael Jackson plays throughout the trailer.

Letting the high-energy music absorb into your body Eddie's arms find purchase around your waist, "Are you happy, princess?"

In pure joy you respond to your man, "Of course, I am, my prince," grinning at Eddie he suddenly lets go of you and makes an effort to do Michael Jacksons' spin, he effectively made himself dizzy.

"How the fuck does he do that?" He holds his crown, wobbling slightly.

Chuckling lightly at his attempt to impress you, you grab his arm to steady his movements, "He's been dancing since he was five years old, it takes a lot of practice. Like you and your guitar, you've been playing for years,"

He leans into you, a smile etched on his countenance, "You're right," he acknowledges, "Why did I even attempt to dance like him?"

"Because he is just THAT amazing. You're not the only one, trust me," beaming you recall the times you have endeavored to dance like Michael in the privacy of your bedroom, while you failed you still had fun.

"Have you tried, princess?" he voices with a hint of amusement.

"Keyword: tried, I ended up looking pretty silly," chuckling fondly at the recollection you let go of Eddie's arm, he was no longer swaying.

Eddie recovered and redirected his focus back to the music, sitting down on his couch he pats the seat next to him, inviting you to sit with him. Taking your seat you listen as the song concluded.

And the whole world has to answer right now, Just to tell you once again, Who's bad?

"Damn, this man is talented!" you beam, "I can't wait til he goes on tour!"

Not being able to hide his excitement, Eddie concurs, "We are going no matter the cost of the tickets!" determination pours out of his voice like a waterfall.

"Since when do you want to see Michael Jackson in concert, Mr. Metal Head?" you speak in amazement as the next song plays, Eddie never usually strayed from the Metal scene only with some exceptions here and there.

"Since you put me on his music, sweetheart!" he nudges your shoulder, making it seem like the answer was simple, "Did me attempting to spin like him not make it obvious?"

You couldn't argue with that logic; he made an excellent point.

"Plus, he is a versatile artist. He doesn't just make pop music. Dirty Diana is one of my favorite songs!"

"What the hell are we waiting for then?!" you ask rhetorically, "Let's listen to it!" skipping over to the record player you move the needle to its proper spot, and the opening cord to Dirty Diana fills the living room.

Jumping out of his seat, Eddie's face morphs into one of enjoyment, "I fucking love this song!" he suddenly blurts out, "Dance with me!"

Your face scrunches up in confusion, "To a metal song? Can you do that?"

Taking your hand he pulls you close to him, "We're about to find out,"

"Show me how it's done, twinkle toes," you tease, a grin spread across your face.

Eddie sways your body as best he can to the rhythm of the head-banging music. You find the juxtaposition amusing, letting out a chuckle.

"What's so funny, sweetheart?"

"You're funny, Eddie. You never fail to make me laugh. Even doing something as simple as listening to my favorite album with me makes me love you even more." your words are sincere and kind, you hope your feelings are conveyed to Eddie properly.

"You know I love you more, baby!" he grins merrily.

Not wanting to argue and ruin the joy your dancing is bringing, you relent, "Fine, you love me more,"

Your admission made Eddie cry out in joy.

-

Thank you for the request, I did my best!

[marunalu]

This cover still puzzles me today, what's the real point of putting Izuku face to face with an adult All for one if there's no way that can happen, besides everything it's an AFO with the Final War Costume with his face fully regenerated but still with signs of the Helmet, it seems like an alternate reality where psycho's theory that All for one would get his face back before the war was true, maybe it's actually a small sign that his clone crack theory isn't as far from the truth as it seems first sight

So if you are interested here is a link of the full "afo clone theory" @psychomurderz @lurking96 and I created.

It was purely out of fun and we didnt even took it that seriously, but after a while I startet to rethink that ridicolous crack theory and it actually makes way more sense then it at first seems to be. Dont get me wrong, its still completly crack though!

But its not impossible. The nomu mocha created a clone of dr. garaki, so who says that afo cant have one too?! Garaki hinted that afo can change his appearance/his face (he mentions in the message he left for afo that he always liked afos OWN smile and his OWN eyes), afo is 200 years old and has dotzens of quirks in his arsenal, he even has a quirk with which he can change his own dna so no one can tell me that man never considered to get a clone quirk. And the fact that one of his nomus has a clone quirk and that garaki can create copys of any quirk he wants, shows its actually very likely that afo has a clone quirk himself.

Lets not forget that clone quirks are actually quite important in mha. Twice as the most well known example, then we have toga who can turn into other people by drinking their blood in other words turning herself into their clone. We have mocha who had a clone quirk, garaki who had his own clone, garaki hinting that afo can change his appearance, afo saying that "this body is of no longer use for me."

And then also the fact how much hori is a star wars fan and how important clones are in star wars. Kamino in mha was named after the planet kamino in star wars on which the clones were created, the very clones which were used as CANON FODDER (something you can get rid off like a body you dont need any longer?) in the CLONE WARS and then used against their will to wipe out the jedi! Afo was inspired after darth vader who was once anakin skywalker and who had his own clone soldiers under him and after he turned to darth vader stormed the jedi temple with the clones. One of the most beloved star wars characters boba fett is a clone. The emperor cloned himself both in the old star wars canon and the new, the old canon books even had a luke skywalker clone. So we can all see without a doubt how much of an important role cloning in star wars has and it all startet in kamino - and the place were all might and afo had their fight and afo used as an hideout is named after that very planet.

So while the theory DOES sound completly bonkers its NOT impossible for afo to have a clone. And if bakugou manages to kill the clone afo just for the real one to show up fully healed and in his prime while he actually never left his fucking office in the chrysler building in new york city I will lose my shit!

[alwaysbethewest]

The Last of Us fic: What I Need's Been Buried

Okay, so I'm posting it. I guess I've been feeling some new fandom jitters with this fic. I don't know the game (and don't want any spoilers, please!!) but I loved the first episode of the show and frankly felt a little overwhelmed after watching it. I couldn't imagine writing fic for it because the show itself was so rich and intense I just had to sit with it and absorb it for a couple days.

And then, I thought, but hmm, what's the deal with Joel and Tess? I wonder how they met? And I felt compelled to write this—just one vision of how it could have gone.

Title: What I Need's Been Buried Pairing: Joel Miller/Tess Servopoulos Rating: Mature Word Count: 1.2k Content/warnings: Non-detailed sex, food, alternating POVs, kinda sad vibes as you might expect because of the show, kinda sappy vibes as you might expect because it's me. General spoilers for TLOU episode 1. Unbetaed but many thanks to Fleetwood, Clare, Kirsty, and Iris, who read draft versions of this and gave me their support 😘

He meets her in a FEDRA refugee caravan, one week south of the QZ. Fraternization is discouraged—too dangerous out here, outside the safety of walls and militarized police and diagnostic scanners—and there is an air of wariness throughout the group, with Boston’s salvation so close at hand, a tenuous thread of hope that could be snapped by a single set of infected teeth. But she meets his eyes across the campfire and gives him a quick, wry smile and sits beside him as the guitar gets passed around in turn—this impromptu open mic circle an echo of a humanity that will never be the same—and she raises her eyebrows when he takes it for himself and strums a familiar chord.

It’s the closest thing to pleasure he’s felt in years—since Before. His body relaxes a little at the tone of the strings under his hands and the crackling warmth of the fire, his brother’s faithful presence on one side of him and this new woman on the other, setting a spark of something nervous alight in him. An odd desire to impress her. When the song ends and he passes the instrument down, she holds out her hand to shake, and it is small and uncalloused in his, accessorized with silver rings that flash in the firelight.

“I’m Tess,” she says. “I like your voice.”

He likes hers. It’s deep for a woman, clear and assured. She has to bite it back, quiet in her throat with his hand firm over her mouth, when he’s fucking her in the dark of the perimeter just outside the camp—hoping they don’t get caught and, just for this moment, not giving a shit if they do. It’s a funny thrill—the clutch of this woman he hasn’t even kissed, up against a tree at the end of the world, in the unknown on the cusp of a new one. They could have met in a bar, before, and her legs would have been shaved and he’d be wearing cologne and it wouldn’t have felt as good as it does in this moment—losing himself inside her after he has lost nearly everything else he ever had.

She clutches his shoulder hard when she comes, face twisting silently in rapture, and he watches her, memorizing it: muscles tight and slack, tension ratcheted to its peak and then released, her quiet panting breaths as she returns to herself. At the last moment he thinks to pull out of her, coming messily over his fingers and onto the leaves at their feet, and she looks grateful for it and finally, softly, gives him a kiss.

They are one week still from safety and yet he’s had a glimpse of it here, held tightly in her arms.

She loses track of him once they reach Boston. FEDRA separates their cohort, poking and prodding each of them and splitting them up between different blocks of the QZ and various miserable jobs, and weeks pass before they meet again.

He’s a few seconds too slow behind her, hand landing on top of hers as they both reach for the last ration of dry, unidentifiable meatloaf at the open food pantry. She glances up at this bulk of a man, recognizing him immediately, and she can see that he does too—it makes him hesitate, just for a breath, long enough for her fingers to tighten around the food and clutch it to her side.

There’s fire in his eyes and a hard set to his jaw; he’s angry and not feeling chivalrous. But the food is hers by right and they both know it. Reluctantly, he takes a step back and turns away.

She watches his sullen shoulders. The people behind him in line have taken their cue and turned away, too, grumbling in frustration at the lack of supplies. It makes her feel sick, and greedy, and powerless.

“Joel,” she calls out. He stops, waits a beat, turns around. Looks at her guardedly. She jerks her head, nodding him to come closer, and he does. “We can share it,” she offers quietly.

His face softens in surprise. He wouldn’t have done the same for her, she realizes—but maybe he will next time now, and keeping him as an ally can only be a good thing in this shitty new world they find themselves in.

He twists his mouth, a little sour, like he knows he should say thank you but doesn’t want to speak the words. Like he hates accepting her charity but going hungry is still worse. After a long moment of silence, he nods.

“Thanks,” he mutters.

When Tess was a little girl, her father had adopted a dog named Shelby, a big, loyal creature with a loud bark and not much bite. It didn’t matter that he was a sweetheart—his appearance was intimidating and Tess might as well have been marching down the street with her own personal guard dog, the way that people granted them a wide berth as they passed. There’s something reminiscent of that old feeling now, with Joel glowering just behind her shoulder as they walk through the town.

She can’t say she minds it.

She’d been leading the way back to her block, but Joel clears his throat, bringing them to a stop.

“Ah,” he says, “My apartment is in here, if… you want to come up.”

It might have been a pick-up line, in another life.

Inside, he slides a kitchen knife towards her, inviting her to divide the loaf, and she slices it evenly in half. He takes the knife, halves his share again, and sets one piece aside.

“For my brother,” he explains, catching her curious look. She glances around the apartment, as if another six foot tall man might appear out of thin air. “He’s working an afternoon shift,” Joel tells her. Her stomach sinks a little, at how small his portion looks now.

They eat quietly, side by side, leaning against the old kitchen counter.

“I gotta get my hands on some Tabasco,” he says around a bland bite. She snorts.

“I’ll keep an eye out.”

He gives her a tiny smile at that, finally, just one corner of his mouth tipped up, but it’s enough to transform his face and make her pulse quicken.

He’d been nice to her, in the forest that night, during their camp rendezvous. He’d given her a real smile when she shook his hand, lit up by firelight and looking younger and more alive than he does in this dingy room. He’d pressed close to her, intimate, had watched her face as he’d pushed inside of her, had looked hungry for the quiet, desperate sounds of pleasure she’d made before he muffled her mouth with his hand.

She hopes she can get him nice like that again sometime.

“I owe you one,” he says, seeing her out. He’s all broad shoulders taking up the whole doorway, this big grown man eclipsed by his own broken heart. She reaches up and cups his face in her hand, watching as he takes in a deep breath, like her touch has relaxed his lungs, if only by a little bit. She pushes onto the balls of her feet, leaning up—he tips his face forward instinctively to meet her—and she kisses him, softly, on the lips.

“Don’t worry about it,” she tells him, and she means it.

(comments more than welcome and appreciated but again please no spoilers past Episode 1 of the show 🤫 Thank you!)

(Mini tag list: @fleetwoodmactshirt, @mourningbirds1, @knittingqueen13, @agirllovespancakes, @loversandantiheroes, @littlemisspascal, @pedrostories, @thirstworldproblemss)

[just-some-random-blogger]

Head cannons for sandor having a wife/so who’s laboring/giving birth and how he is afterwards when he sees his daughter (bc we all know he’s a girl dad duh)

WOOOO NONNIE inchresting. 🫶🫶🫶 This was super fun to do thank you for this my love 🫶🫶🫶

!!! GIRLDAD!SANDOR HEADCANONS!!!

Pre-dad Sandor would definitely be a worry wart

10x that once his wife is pregnant lmao

very much giving 'let me do it for you'

super fascinated and in awe of his wife's growing belly

Loves rubbing her pregnant belly

Would cut a fool who gets too close to her, or if she gets crowded

Is physically unable to say no to whatever his wife needs

Loveeeessss giving (iykyk) when she aches (;

Mid labor, esp if his wife is having a hard time, Sandor would be panicky as hell, but he wouldn't show it

Ya know men weren't allowed to watch births if he wasn't there he would be scared out of his mind thinking about it

Buttttt if he was there he'd not leave her side

"you're doing so well my love"

Man's accustomed to gore but feels a lil lightheaded watching her crown

Tbh I feel like he wouldn't give a fuck if he became a girl dad or boy dad, but I myself am super biased to girl dads as well

Sooooo

Post dad, or rather, official dad!Sandor would sob at the sight of his daughter

"she's so tiny 🥺💔😭"

If his baby girl ever grabbed his finger, and did the baby grip thing he would bawllllllll

He'd definitely get super existential, "this innocent darling is my blood?" SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

"she's so precious and pure tho" BASHING HIS HEAD AGAINST THE WALL

Yaps about his daughter 24/7

Would get matching lockets with her

"Sandor, shes a babe, she can't wear jewelry 😐"

Hangs the locket on her cott instead

Would literally bring his newborn around, showing her shit she can't even see cos her eyes haven't gotten the sight update yet?????

"LOOK ITS A HORSE!"

Baby girl passed out making faces

"LOOK AT THE SKY, MY LOVE, ITS AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU!"

His wife sometimes watches as he explains things to the sleeping girl and thinks it's super funny

Picks flowers for her baby and puts it her hair

Shows it to everyone who has eyes "look mah baby so cutie 😁"

Trains her to say papa from day 1 🫡

Practices braiding hair on his wife for the baby

Is super jittery when the baby cries

Does the dumbest shit known to man just to make his child smile

🫶🫶🫶

[titan-desuu]

Erwin and his new hairstyle

Fandom: Attack on Titan / Shingeki no Kyojin Figures: Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman, Mike Zacharias & Hange Zoe Warning: contains funny (?) elements, and harsh words Words: 611 words Note: its a translated version [if the translation s*cks I will delete it v_v] tags: Modern AU, oneshot

We know our beloved Erwin Smith: a dapper grown man who values minimalism, also in terms of his appearance: well-groomed and no big frills. But Erwin has a new idea, namely, to shave his hair short: he still remembers the conversation he had with his friends last week:

"I'm trying to convince Moblit to dye a strand of hair blue all the time!" Hange whines loudly.

"Leave the poor guy alone, the fact that he can sometimes last a whole day with you is really a special strength," Levi leans against the wall.

"About hair... I was going to shorten my hair a bit," Mike touches his hair and suddenly Hange and Levi are standing in front of Mike to stare at his hair.

"I don't think it's a bad idea, Mike.", Erwin finally comments on the hair issue.

"Mike, a perm would suit you!" Hange grins and rubs Mike's hair with their fingers, "Tell me Levi, when is it time for you to go to the hairdresser?"

Levi looks at Hange in complete amazement, especially because they almost fucked up Levi's hair:

"To be honest, I'm happy with my hairstyle, I once thought about cutting a buzz cut, but I prefer it more for people who could be more comfortable than me"

Erwin listens to the conversation between the three of them without interfering. Without announcing anything great, he walks out of the room, his friends looking after him questioningly.

Less than an hour passes until Erwin finds a barbershop nearby:

"What can I do for you, boss?" the barber asks.

"A buzz cut!" he shouts through the whole barbershop, causing others to look at him in amazement.

"All right, boss," the barber fetches the razor and an attachment so he can shave away Erwin's blond hair.

Bzz Bzz Bzz

After half an hour, the barber turns Erwin's chair to the mirror and shows him his hairstyle.

The new haircut not only highlights a new change on top of Erwin's head, but also makes his face look narrower and more angular. He turns his head to the left and then to the right, while he is surprised, among other things, that he has pronounced cheekbones.

"I like it, thank you!", Erwin gets up and pays the barber.

"Hange, please stop touching my hair!", Mike takes a step back as he tries to push Hange away, but to no avail.

"Mike, please! Just a strand of hair!"

"You four-eyed bastard, leave him alone!", Levi steps into Hanges buttocks and sits down on the desk chair. He remembers Erwin's absence and looks back at Mike and Hange:

"Guys, where's Erwin?", the two suddenly break away from each other and look around the room. Suddenly, the door opens and in front of them stands a young man with a buzz cut. Erwin starts laughing when he sees the expressions on the faces of the three of them:

"So bad?" he runs his hand through his short hair and smiles sheepishly. It takes almost a whole minute for anyone to comment on this:

"What have you done...", Levi looks a little pale and aghast.

"A-So I think it's great! Just unusual, isn't it, Mike?", Hange looks at Mike nervously.

"Mike, does it look bad?", Erwins seems a bit unsettled by the reactions of the two.

"You look much more attractive," Mike snorts his nose. Levi and Hange look at Mike wide-eyed.

"Is that so, Levi and Hange?"

Hange nods frantically and embarrassedly without saying a word, while Levi moves closer to Erwin to touch his head.

"Thank God you're not bald," Levi looks up at Erwin, "otherwise you'd leave the room crying."

Erwin smiles sheepishly.

[emo-gremlin]

Pop x Autistic reader!

(Once again, based off my own experience!)

🥰 Dear God does this man try his best.

🥰 He has no idea what to do at first. Once you explain, however, he begins to understand. He's still learning though.

🥰 Won't smoke his pipe as much around you. He still keeps it with him, but he understands the smoke bothers you.

🥰 This man knows his shit when it comes to cooking, and masters your comfort foods.

🥰 His robe is so FUCKING SOFT AND IT SMELLS LIKE HIS COLOGNE AND ITS YOUR FAVORITE THING EVER. Thankfully he has a spare when you steal one of them. You still have no idea where he keeps getting them.

🥰 He's a newspaper kinda guy. Meaning there's a lot of quiet moments cuddling up with him, giving you time to clear your head and really relax.

🥰 His voice is so calming and gentle and it helps you during overwhelming events. He'll hold you as close as he can until he can get you out of there, whispering soothing words to you as you navigate through.

🥰 He's really good at explaining things actually, and has the patience of a Saint. If you don't really get a turn of phrase, or don't understand why a person does things a certain way, he's there trying his best. He uses a lot of visual language, painting a more cohesive idea of what you don't understand.

Bonus!

Being autistic and helping raise Cub!

👶 Cub definitely starts imitating some of your stims. Some of them he finds funny, but in a way a baby finds stuff hilarious you know?

👶 When he sees you during a burnout, he'll bring you one of his toys to make you smile.

👶 Bruh, if you got kid friendly hyperfixations, like old TV shows and such, he's watching them with you. You cannot stop him. You cannot escape.

👶 You might find some of your stim toys in his toy box. Be careful of fidget cubes, he will stick them in his mouth.

👶 LOVING SLIME AND DRIVING POP CRAZY WITH IT SOLIDARITY

[shera-dnd]

I just woke up and I guess my head is far up my ass enough that I decided that I want to do media analysis of the themes of RWBY Volume 9, so you chuckle fucks are coming with me on this stupid trip

I am also pretty much stealing a lot of what I'm saying from @ohnoitstbskyen 's fantastic Boss Designs of Dark Souls 2 series, his recent analysis of Cloud Strife, and his short on the Throne of Want

(Go fucking watch his stuff if you haven't. It's really good and it helped me learn a lot about character design and media analysis)

Alright buckle up!

I think everyone at this point knows that the core theme of RWBY Volume 9 is identity and purpose, what with the afterans being unable to stop talking about purpose for more than 8 seconds

So I wanted to talk specifically about the parallels between Ruby, Neo, and Jaune's arcs, the Cat's pseudo-possession magic, and the concept of Ascension

We've been following Ruby's POV closely this entire season, with very few cut aways to any other characters. So most of us already got what the deal is with her.

Ruby believes she has failed her purpose and has lost her sense of self. She spent the last 8 seasons believing she's supposed to be the hero of the stories she grew up with.

Fight monsters, lead her team to victory, and save the day with a bright smile on her face

But things haven't been working out all that well for her. No matter how hard she tries she can't save everyone, she can't be the invincible hero she believes she should be, and the weight of the world on her shoulders is starting to take its toll

(Funny how heroism burnout seems to be a recurring theme in media nowadays)

Ruby has failed her perceived purpose, and since she has no clue who Ruby Rose IS, only who Ruby Rose SHOULD BE, she's left aimless and ripe for being manipulated into taking the ego death juice from the tree

Especially with Neo's illusions constantly reinforcing all of Ruby's worst fears. The fear that the world would be better without her. That who Ruby Rose actually is is a failure and a danger to those around her

So we can get back to Ruby's "suicide" later, for now let's focus on Neopolitan herself

Because Neo shows a different take on this issue. The loss of self not through failing your perceived purpose, but through completely fulfilling it

Ever since Roman's death Neo's sole motivation for doing anything has been taking revenge on those she perceived as being responsible for it. Namely Cinder and Ruby.

Every action she took since her reintroduction in Volume 6 has been motivated by this drive for revenge and nothing else.

And once she lands in the Ever After she decides that death isn't enough. This isn't just killing Ruby like she killed Roman. This is about destroying Ruby's identity, about erasing everything that makes her Ruby, just like Roman's death threatened to erase everything that made her Neo

And so she does. Ruby drinks the tea and is taken by the tree to Ascend, and now Neo has nothing

Her purpose is fulfilled, her mission is over, and now she's left with the question she's been avoiding since the Fall of Beacon

"Who is she without Roman?"

And she cannot answer. Without Roman and without her revenge to drive her, Neopolitan has nothing.

And an empty heart is the perfect vessel for someone else's intent.

But we'll put a pin on that for now and move on to the third character in this mess

Jaune

Oh this poor man. He is the proof that sticking to your identity and sticking to your purpose is maybe not super healthy either.

Jaune's arc (hah!) had always been that of accepting that he was not the protagonist. He isn't the hero, he isn't the badass, and this isn't his story.

And by the time we reach Volume 8 he has accepted that, he has taken up his new role as the support. His equipment and his semblance are geared towards helping other people excel and be better. He makes everyone else the protagonist.

Hell when he lands in the Ever After the world just hands him that role again by making him a supporting character in Alyx's story, but well... we know how that went

So now Jaune is left alone for DECADES! And for all those years all he has to keep him even remotely sane is that purpose. Help others!

Decades of helping the paper pleasers every day, decades of waiting for team RWBY because THEY are the real protagonists, decades of refusing to change and refusing to let anything around him change

It destroys him in the end, but at least his heart stays strong through most of it. Strong enough to resist the cat's power.

And here we are back at the Curious fucking Cat, or Kyuubey 2.0 as I like to call them.

Throughout the season we see our favorite shit cat "help" other afterans by (in their words) giving them a piece of their heart. In hindsight it's obvious what it is they were doing

It was manipulation masquerading as kindness.

They see people who struggle with a lack of purpose and intercedes by forcing their will upon them.

They do all they can to exhaust Ruby's sense of self, to shatter her heart so theirs can take over

And when that fails they turn to Neo, who is now an empty shell of who she used to be. Perfect to be filled by their will.

(god I so hope Neo is actually dead now, because if this really is possession I'm gonna be feeling sick for a while. Fucking hate this trigger, man)

(Also if you played FFVII you probably know now why I mentioned Cloud Strife at the start)

So that's all their arcs in a nutshell, but what exactly is the parallel I mentioned before?

It's change... or well, a lack of it

Not Ruby, nor Neo, nor Jaune, are capable of changing and moving on.

Ruby finds it easier to erase herself completely than to move on from her failures

Neo doesn't even consider the idea of moving on a possibility, and vehemently refuses to until her very last moments

And Jaune clings to this groundhog day that is his life, because this is the only thing keeping him going

They either refuse to change or cannot comprehend changing as an option

And that brings us to the last topic I wanted to touch on (god I really don't wanna see what the word count for this looks like)

Ascension

When an afteran loses sight of their purpose they ascend. The tree erases their memories, gives them a new purpose, and a new self to fulfill it.

This process seems to be tied to two entities: The Curious Cat AND the Blacksmith

But most importantly this is tied to CHANGE! And much like change it can be both a beneficial and dangerous force.

When we see CC using their powers it is now obvious that they're just influencing the people around them to become whatever they want them to become.

Herb is no longer useful to their plans? Off to the tree with him

They need cannon fodder to protect Ruby? Time to change that one Hawker's identity completely.

It's not about the person changing, it's always about them. They're change as manipulation and destruction. The Curious Cat is ego death, the loss of identity to the heart of another.

Then there's the Blacksmith. She seems to take a more comforting approach to change and ascension. She asks Ruby to settle down her burdens and tells her to pick a new weapon, a new her that she can be

And of course from Ruby's perspective the options she sees are those she thinks she should see. Is she supposed to be like Penny? The greatest warrior to have ever lived. Is she supposed to be Alyx? The protagonist who made her way out of this hellhole by herself. Or is she supposed to be her mother? The heroic ideal she could never live up to.

That's the thing, right? She isn't supposed to be any of them. Ruby Rose is only meant to be Ruby Rose, and I think she'll finally get to decide who that is.

As much as I have called this suicide or ego death, I don't think that that's what awaits Ruby

I think the Paper Pleasers had the right idea. They finished their job, they did what they set out to do, they were satisfied and it was time for them to move on to something else

Change won't be the end for them, it will just be a new beginning

And that's what I think Ruby needs. A clean slate and a chance to forge a new self with the help of the blacksmith

Hell that is what all three of them need

Maybe Jaune will be able to change and move on, finally letting go of the purpose he has been torturing himself with

Maybe Neo is still alive in there and will be able to kick the Curious Cat out of her body by finding something new to drive her (I would be very happy for her once I recovered from the panic and nausea)

I know this Volume has not given us much reason to be hopeful, but I also don't think CRWBY is writing angst for angst's sake. All of this has a purpose and a message

That change can be a scary thing, but it's also what you need to be able to grow

[obetrolncocktails]

Bitter | Sam Kiszka X Reader Part 1

Warnings: Explicit language, angst, sprinkle of fluff (though smut is not included in this part, this series will be NSFW: Minors DNI!)

A/n: @dannythedog its been a minute since I have written for Sam, so here's me jumping back in. Glad you asked for some bratty, cocky smut. Because promise me when I tell you, it's coming.

Also thought it would be helpful to explain somethings about working at Starbucks for context: We have two bars (where each espresso machine is): one for drive through drinks, and another for mobile orders and cafe orders. They are usually placed next to each other. Partners are another word for employees.

Word Count: 1.9K

Summary: Working at Starbucks, you'll always run into shitty regulars, but none as beautiful as this one. Such a shame he wastes all of it by being a grade A piece of shit.

“We lose Beverly in five minutes. It’s going to get crazy and we are down a shift manager. I need you guys to stay on top of it. Got it?” Avery said, his macbook in hand to view the schedule. 

Avery was the new store manager at your Starbucks location, and though you liked him, he was an outside hire and was poorly trained at making drinks and organizing the positioning of employees. To make matters worse, your shift manager was sick and Avery would have to serve as the shift for the day. He’d need more time to learn through experience, but today was the fucking worst day possible to do that. Every partner on the floor was new and lacked the confidence required to handle such a difficult task. 

The funny thing is, your morning started out wonderfully. You had a full team with someone at each position; drive through times were great and tips were surprisingly high. That was, until the shift turned over and the experienced baristas clocked out. 

“Y/n, you’re drive through bar. Good luck,” Avery said with a sympathetic smile. You could almost laugh at the pity in his tone, but you put your head down and got to work immediately, pulling labels out of the printer and putting them on cups. Venti Iced White Mocha. No whip. Easy enough. You pumped the appropriate amount of white mocha into the drink, queuing the proper amount of espresso shots and began steaming your milk. 

“Um, Y/n. How many pumps does this get?” A partner asked as you worked on your drink.

“It’s a grande, so four, friend!” You offered, kindly. She nodded to you before completing the drink. Before you knew it, you were becoming swamped with questions that these partners should have known. It was concerning to you, because you could tell how long the rest of the shift was going to be. “So, uh. We’re out of black tea. What do we do?” Someone asked, turning to you for an answer.”

“Ask the customer if they would like green tea instead. If not, brew a new batch and have them wait.” You were getting frustrated, but you would never let your co-workers know. They were trying their best, despite the lack of leadership. Every time you looked over, Avery was busy making mobile orders, which would have been helpful if the drive through weren’t so backed up with cars ordering four or more drinks at once. 

“Ahem–uh. Did you forget my drink?” Looking up from the espresso machine in front of you, a man leered over the glass, staring at you. He was unbelievably attractive; tall and thin, with long brunette hair pulled into a loose bun. His eyebrows were raised in a positively condescending expression. Instantly, you didn’t like his attitude.

“Hey there! We’re working on it right now, sir. Should be out in just a minute.” You were excellent at managing your tone with customers, but today was testing you. “It’s already been a minute, sweetheart. I’m already late.” He scoffed, sucking his teeth and showing you the time on his phone. “I’ve been waiting for seven minutes.” And? Not your fault he decided to risk being late in the first place.

“Sir, we’re short staffed and we have cars looped around the building.. It will be just one more minute. I will be sure to take care of you if you’ll just wait for me at the end of the bar.” Without another word, he sauntered off, but the feeling of guilt remained with you.

Of course no one was covering bar two, and everyone in the lobby was waiting for their drinks. You’d have to cover both bars at once. Pulling the first sticker from the machine, you prepared the next drink. Venti flat white, blonde, extra shot, extra hot, no foam, toffee nut. You think to yourself: No, Y/n. Who were you to ever think you could ever get off easy? You sigh and begin to make the drink. As the shots poured and the milk steamed, you stepped off to return to another drink on the drive through bar. 

“Fuck,” you whisper under your breath. It’s a venti caramel ribbon crunch frappuccino made with heavy whipping cream, two extra shots of espresso and extra caramel drizzle. You ran to the cold bar, seeing that there’s no one available to take the drink. Of course Avery. I can do it all. No problem at all. You can go home. I’ll run the store. Shitty thoughts filled your mind as you worked on the drink. Usually, you would never assume this type of mindset, but it was unbelievable to you that Avery would have let this happen in the middle of a Saturday, one of the busiest business days for the company. You finished the drink, placing it at the drive through before returning to the drink on bar two, ‘Pretentious Asshole’s’ flat white. You finished it and all of the extra add-ins before walking it to the end of the bar, setting it down. “Here you go, sir. Sorry about the wait.” You said with a genuine smile. Though he gave you a hard time, you still wanted him to be satisfied.

 “Ugh, you couldn’t even remember to ask for my name? And my drink isn’t hot like I asked for.”

Is this guy fucking serious? “I’m so sorry, sir. What’s your name so I can get this fixed for you?” You pulled out a new cup and a sharpie to write with. He watched as you prepared to scribble his name on the cup.

“Can I borrow that?” He said, nodding to your marker. You hesitated but nodded, handing it over. You watched as he dug into his impossibly tight pocket to retrieve a single dollar. Using the countertop, you waited as he scrawled with sharpie across the dollar bill. “SAM.”

Capping the marker and handing it back to you along with the dollar, he had the nerve to say, “Would have been more if the service wasn’t so shitty. Have a good day, princess.” You would have liked to jump over the countertop and deck him directly in his jaw, ruining that pretty face of his. 

The rest of your shift was absolute shit, but you let relief wash over your body as you clocked out. When you took off your green apron, the worries of your shift fell away too, but the interaction between yourself and “Dickhead” Sam remained far into the evening. How could someone so beautiful be so shitty? Such a fucking waste of an irrestible face.

***

Six thirty came much faster this morning than you wanted, but you couldn’t say that you didn’t expect it either. You woke up with aching muscles and the worst case of cottonmouth. Five more minutes, you decided, setting a new timer before rolling over. You lied there, skimming the surface of consciousness for the next two minutes, deciding reluctantly to cancel the timer and sit up. As you set your feet off the edge of the bed and on the floor, gravity became your enemy as you became aware of how compressed your muscles felt. Slowly, you stood up, facing the day. Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you stumbled blindly to the bathroom to pee, wipe the sleep out of your eyes and assess how unfortunate you’re going to look today. Hair? Frizzy. Face. Tired and pale. Great. You spent a few seconds tying your greasy hair into a bun on the top of your head, choosing to go with the easy option rather than the responsible one. On the rough mornings, you always slept as much as you could so you’d arrive at work just before seven. You made sure to lay out your clothes last night so you could jump into them, grab your keys and your purse and head out the door. 

You arrived at work at 6:55. Luckily, the drive through wasn’t clogged yet. The day was young and you knew that the shift on duty would ask you to work the window because you were good at getting drinks out fast. It got busy quickly, but there was no trace of the chaos that you had experienced during the last shift. 

“Good morning.” looking out the window, you see “SAM.” driving up in a black Tesla. His face was still puffy from sleep and his hair hung limply around his face and shoulders.

 “Is it?” He said with a smirk. “Looks like you and I had the same idea this morning. Doing the absolute least to get out of the door.” He flashed you a beautiful smile, his eyes camouflaged by a pair of Raybans. You were learning your way around him, even if he annoyed the living shit out of you. 

“I am deeply offended. I have you know, this look took me a total of thirty seconds.” You gestured up to your hair.

“I can tell, babe. Still gorgeous, though.” You were sure that you heard him wrong. 

“Uh-your to-to-tota–” you began, completely fumbling the sentence. “I can’t speak today. It’s gonna be seven sixty eight.” His grin only widened as he handed you his phone.

You stared at him with an empty impression, not sure why he was giving you his phone. “Apple pay.” 

You swallowed, reaching for the scanner for him to hover his phone over. “Thanks, lovely,” he responded, taking his phone back and shoving it in his pocket. What the fuck is up with this guy? 

You handed him his overly-expensive flat white. You watched as he took a sip, as if quality checking it. “Absolutely delicious this morning. Thanks, Y/n.” 

“You’re welcome, Sam,” You offered with a gentle smirk. “You got it!” Another grin and he’s gone, speeding off from the window. 

***

“Y/n,” Avery addressed you during a shift that next week. “Wanted to chat for a second.” Oh God, what did I do… “A customer called in–said he came in a few days ago…early in the morning I think. Said that you looked super tired…” Oh fuck, here it is. Give me my severance check and kick me out without making a scene, I fucking beg you. “Anyway. They said that you were super sweet and helpful and they also saw you working saturday–I agreed with them when they said that you took charge and were super supportive of the team.” You stood there, leaning against the counter, not sure what to expect. “I think I want you to apply for shift manager.” You weren’t expecting him to say that.

“Oh wow–I thought I was in trouble,” you said with a surprised chuckle.

“Are you feeling guilty?” Avery looked at you with a smirk, before coming beside you and elbowing you. “Seriously, Y/n, I want you to consider it. It’s yours. The application is a formality for all partners in the company. Think about it.” He stepped off to the opposite counter, handing you a sheet of paper, describing the duties of a shift manager including the pay and benefits involved. 

“Did the customer say who they were?” You asked out of sheer curiosity. 

“They said that they were the flat white guy–said that you’d know exactly who it was…” He walked off towards the Back of House leaving you to sit in disbelief. Sam. It was difficult to remove the stupid smile plastered on your face for the rest of the day.

--

End of part 1

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