#that man has set fire to the internet and he loves it

[disasterstans]

"He's able to be a little bit more honest with himself and maybe slow things down because he would much rather instinctually want to just get into another relationship and be monogamous with one individual and then hope it works out.

- Ryan Guzman, Vol 2. Trolling Buddie Shippers

INDIVIDUAL👀👀 Why not WOMAN?! Why individual?? Your words RYAN!!😭 Your words have meaning😮‍💨

[thisismeracing]

Heartdresser | LH44

― Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x braider!reader ― Warning: mentions of a brother, social media au mixed with regular writing, tooth-rotting fluff, fem!reader (she/her); - 2.8k words + social media setting. ― Summary: When Lewis finds himself just a couple days away from a racing weekend and without his usual braids he desperately searches for suggestions of available hairdressers in the area. As the saying goes, love can come from the most unexpected places, and Lewis is about to discover that this is, in fact, true. (based on this request)

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Being a Formula One Driver had its perks, from obvious and big things such as traveling everywhere to not-so-obvious and small things like having your hair stylist travel to you when you needed them. After becoming an adult and famous, it took Lewis a couple of years to come to terms with his hair, how to style it, how to take care of it, and how to embrace the texture and volume. He felt finally whole when he reached that point, one where meaningless comments on the internet wouldn’t make him rethink his path, goals, and achievements. Of course, comments hurt, but being comfortable with yourself helped, and that was something Lewis learned. 

Now, his braids were part of him. The hairstyle being associated with his image in the blink of an eye. Something that made him feel handsome, and connected with his roots. Something that seemed to help other young black boys around, who started to see themselves as stylish and handsome too.

That’s the main reason why he was so frustrated when his braider called him to tell them they couldn’t make it to Las Vegas. And the thing with braids is that it's not only a style that connects you to your roots, and makes you feel comfortable, it is also a hair protection style. Though Lewis doesn’t tell people he has superstitions and somehow it is true, part of him feels like he races better when he’s feeling himself in all senses of the word. This means having his hair in the braids he’s been looking forward to for over two weeks is something important to him.

So in the heat of the moment, he decides to look for help on Twitter.

“Hi, you must be Lewis,” you smile, extending your hands, and the man in front of you takes it in with a grin. 

“Hey, good afternoon,” his grip is still thigh yet soft on your hand. “Yeah, it’s me. Thank you for having me on such short notice.” He’s handsome and polite in all the ways one should be to be considered perfect, and you start to understand why your baby brother was drawn to admire his persona outside the tracks. 

You shake your head with a chuckle, “It was actually my day off, but I had no problem fitting you in since it meant Dee would get to meet you.”

“Oh- honesty is something I find hot,” he chuckles and adds a grin for good measure, all while looking straight into your eyes and you can’t help but laugh.

Add funny to the list of things Lewis Hamilton seems to be. 

“Who’s Dee, by the way?” 

“It’s Aiyden, my little brother. I call him Dee,” you explain before adding, “He’s finishing a Chemistry project with a few friends at school. He was tempted to skip but gave up after a pep talk on how school is important, and I would take forever doing your hair just so he could see you.” 

Lewis nods while you explain, and then he’s chuckling just like minutes ago. 

“I don’t mind waiting for him with you,” he winks.

You’re not sure if he’s being friendly, funny, or flirty, but any of these F words coming from the black guy in front of you are surely making your heart skip a beat. 

“You can sit here while I grab everything,” you point to a chair in front of a big mirror and Lewis does as said. 

“Your hair looks fire,” he comments, watching from the mirror while you go through the small saloon gathering the packs of hair and combs you would need. “Did you do it yourself?” 

“Thanks,” you stop just for a second, smiling when your eyes meet. “And yeah, I did it just last weekend.”

“You look even more stunning with this style,” and just like that he has you giggling again. “I mean it. I saw your profile picture and I was convinced you couldn’t get more beautiful, and then you opened that door with a smile and these amazing braids and I was like wow.” “You’re a funny one.”

“I’ve heard some women like their man funny, is that your case? If so, I’m ready to get into stand-up comedy.” 

You double with laughter, shaking your head and biting your lips to keep the funny noises inside.

“Same style you’ve sent me the picture?” Lewis nods. “Any addition or preference?” you ask, starting to section his hair, and he answers no while making himself comfortable on the chair.

And even though you joked about taking forever just so your brother would catch Lewis, you ended up really taking forever because the driver in front of you would joke around and give you flirty comments and you couldn’t help but stop to laugh. The style he wanted was fairly fast, and his curls weren’t that thick, but still, you two did a small snack break when he ordered from a vegan bakery downtown. He was a fun guy to talk to, you came to learn that pretty quickly, which only added to his face card, which certainly was never denied. 

It was one of the best sessions you’ve had in a long time.

You were just finishing the final touches, adding water to boil, and cutting the small strands coming off the braids, when the bell over the door rang, announcing your little brother’s arrival. He has an incredulous expression on his face watching his idol sitting on the chair of his sister’s salon. 

“Hey man, how was the chem’s project?” Lewis asks and Aiyden turns around to the door, doing a small victory dance and, probably, the most hideous expressions to conceal his eagerness and happiness. 

You and Lewis laugh.

“Omg, hi, Lewis!” He finally walks to you, shaking hands with Lewis. His eyes – big orbs gleaming with excitement. 

“Aren’t you gonna say hi to your sister, young man?” with your hands on your waist you furrow your brows in the direction of the curly-haired boy who smiles, engulfing your body in a big hug. You hug him back before tapping his back and fake complaining about how he was crushing you. 

Aiyden had just turned fifteen, but his love for sports seemed to help him defy your DNA and grow more than your family’s average size. He was almost reaching your height, and he sure was stronger than you, but he was still just your baby boy. 

“These new braids are lit, man! Told ya my sister would make it happen,” Ayiden, who still has one of his arms around your shoulders, tells Lewis with a proud smile.

The driver moves his head confidently checking his hair in the mirror, “She was a great braider, and even better company, to be honest.” 

Yn rolls her eyes playfully before going back to the water and mentioning for Ayiden to take a step back. She dips the ends of the braids into the water, waiting for a bit before taking them off and draping a towel around Lewis’ broad shoulders. 

“So, your sister mentioned a chem school project. How was it?” 

And just like that Ayiden and Lewis are talking non-stop while you tidy the salon, watching their interaction with a fond smile. The Brit was attentive to your brother, always ready to listen rather than speak, always engaging, and making Ayiden feel comfortable to share whatever he wanted to. 

He probably had no idea, but that was an easy way to get to your heart. Ayiden was your treasure, and the fact that Lewis was treating the boy as if he was his little treasure too only added to the list of things you found amazing about him.

“...right, Yn?” Dee asked and you snapped out of your daydream.

“What?”

“Lewis just invited us to the Vegas GP, I said we were going, right? Please, please, please,” he pleaded in front of you with his two hands together as if in prayer, and you bit the inside of your mouth.

“Sunday?” 

“No, the whole package, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday!” he explained excitedly.

“It will be fun, c’mon,” Lewis tried.

“You have school on Friday.” You reasoned, but Ayiden was quick to explain that Friday wouldn’t be until 6 pm. “You’re the one asking Kali to get my appointments from Saturday,” pointing a finger to your brother you accepted, knowing that your friend and coworker, had a space on Saturday for a hair or two and wouldn’t mind covering so your clients wouldn’t be hanging out to dry. Still, she would probably huff and yapp before accepting. That was something that Ayiden would now deal with though, so you were all good. 

Ayiden jumped up and down the same way he did when he was ten years old asking you to get him a new pair of soccer jerseys, and you accepted. It was endearing.

You talked for a few more minutes, Ayiden got his picture, and just like that Lewis was saying his farewells. This time he didn’t shake your hands, rather hugged you and you couldn’t help but breathe in his scent and relish his warmth.

“See you on Friday, guys,” he waved, showing off his perfect set of teeth. 

“See you, man!” 

yourinstagram

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yourinstagram had to drive the kiddo to school today or else he would stay home choosing his weekend outfits lol (traffic is a bitch btw, so if you can avoid downtown, pls do!)

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youngdee why would you expose me like that

⤷ yourinstagram I'm your older sister, ofc I'm gonna act like a mom ❤️😘

lewishamilton nice fit, ayideen!

⤷ youngdee thank you, man! 😎

⤷ fan4490 OMG KJSDKGJSKG

charleslechair she looks so cute

⤷ charleslechair scratch that I just went through her pics

⤷ charleslechair she's hot

⤷ charleslechair and super talented

wolffmickey so its confirmed, she's the braider?

schumachinho *on my knees begging* pls, do my hair too, yn, pls pls 🧎🏾‍♀️🧎🏾‍♀️

yourfriend I spent an hour on traffic today in a road that usually takes me about ten minutes 🫠

yourfriend2 bruh, ayideen is getting bigger and bigger, I feel OLD 😭

Friday rolled around quickly and you got to watch the total amount of fifteen minutes of practice 1 before all hell broke. Ayiden explained everything to you along with the whole controversy going on with the LA Gran Prix, which you were just a tad aware of. Lewis wasn’t able to spend much time with you guys that much was expected, but whenever he found a few seconds he would pass by, ask if you guys were ok, if Dee was having fun if there was something he could do, and just overall being the goofy Lewis he was during the appointment. Ayiden seemed to find the flirtatious glances and lines funny, and so did you, except this time it felt a little more real because you were sure a few people around overheard some. 

It was an amazing night, you made friends with a couple of people from the crew, and Ayiden had the time of his life meeting a few other idols, and almost started hyperventilating when Hamilton told him he would take him to meet Charles Leclerc on Sunday. 

Saturday was even more of a rush, you almost didn’t see Lewis, but he texted before and after quali. So when Sunday came you were still trying to navigate the whole paddock thing, but a bit more comfortable about it. Aiyden was still acting as if it was his own version of Disney land and it was his first day discovering the adventure world. You were loving it for him, of course. 

“Nice outfit,” Lewis whispers right beside you, catching you off guard and making you jump in surprise. You were in a corner, just texting a friend, and checking your next few appointments while Ayiden went to meet Charles and you thought Lewis would be there until he came back, but it wasn’t the case.

“You’re sneaky,” you chuckled, straightening your instance and looking into his face only to notice he was already staring at you. 

“You look cute when you’re focused,” he winks, before adding, “and when you’re scared too.” 

“You look cute when you joke like this,” throwing back at him you didn’t expect for his brows to furrow in confusion. 

“You think I’m joking?” 

“Aren’t you?” 

Lewis giggles. He giggles and you can’t help but smile with the sound and the way his lips part while his eyes squint. “I’m not.”

“You’re not?!” 

“I think you’re pretty and smart, and talented. I was genuinely flirting with you,” his explanation makes your insides turn in giddiness, and as if it wasn’t enough Lewis smiles, eyes glued on yours before he asks: “Wanna go on a date with me?” 

“A date?” You repeat trying to let the idea sink. 

“A date?” This time it’s Ayiden’s voice and you turn alarmed, expecting to see a confused and jealous brother, only to find him with the biggest grin ever.

“Yeah, a date,” Lewis smiles briefly to Ayiden, before staring back at you, waiting for your answer.

You blink still unsure. Fair enough, he was hot, educated, smart, and he checked all the boxes, but that wasn’t any guarantee of a successful relationship, or fling, or whatever he had in mind. And also, his lifestyle wasn’t something you were used to. How would dating him work when he’s often traveling around to drive?

“C’mon, don’t overthink it, Yn.” Ayiden comes to help, standing beside Lewis and the Brit chuckles. “It’s THE SIR Lewis Hamilton,” he points, and this time Lewis laughs. 

You bit your lips, not helping but letting a smile escape. 

Lewis is in front of you, hands in his pockets, big brown eyes watching you, and the smallest smile gracing the corner of his plump lips. He looked great. And as much as you wanted to deny, there was a vibe going on. 

You take a deep breath, smirking at him, “Get yourself a podium and we’ll talk about a date later.”  

Ayiden’s eyes widened. 

“Did you forget how quali went?! It’s gonna be hell to get a podium, almost impossible,” your brother tries to reason, but Lewis shakes his head, extending his hand to which you clasp in yours.

“Deal,” the driver smiles. “I’ll get you a podium.”

Lewis squeezes Ayiden’s shoulder and winks at you before disappearing into the garage to get ready for the race.

“One more reason why he’s the goat, see? If I were you I would go on a date with him even if he didn’t get a podium.” 

You laugh, “For the few things I saw, he likes the challenge. Let me indulge him.” 

“You’re crazy.”

“And he’ll get a podium.” 

“It’s very unlikely, but I won’t deny the possibility. It’s Lewis after all.” Your brother leans on the wall beside you. “And it looks like he wants this date bad.” 

“What makes you think this?” 

“C’mon, he’s been flirting with you nonstop since the hair appointment.” 

“I genuinely thought he was joking.” 

“You can be so clueless sometimes,” your brother rolls his eyes playfully and you slap the back of his head. 

“Watch it, young man, I’m still the oldest.” 

And you were still right too, because hours later Lewis impressed everyone by getting third place. He kept everyone on the edge of their seats along with Charles who did a brilliant race, and just like that your brother was grinning devilishly your way because now you had a date with no one other than Lewis Hamilton who happened to walk into the garage just as you were handling a water bottle to Dee after he ran to watch the ceremony as if his life depended on it.

Lewis was smiling brightly at you, sweat mixed with champagne, but you couldn’t help but grin right back and lace your arms around him, taking him by surprise. 

“I’m all sweaty, sorry,” he whispers, his tattooed hand flatting on your bag and bringing your body closer. 

“It’s fine. Congrats on the race.” 

“Congrats on the race, man!” Ayiden hugs him too and Lewis smiles, eyes still trapped on you. When your brother lets him go and stays rooted in place looking from you to Lewis you trap the laugh inside, and roll your eyes fakely, pointing for the young boy to give you both some privacy.

“So, looks like I scored myself a date, huh?” 

You nod, taking a small step in his direction and trying to keep your hands from tracing all the small details on his face from this up close, “You sure did.” Your eyes were now on his lips, and Lewis grinned. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“You already have a date, what else do you wanna ask me?” You’re teasing and he knows it because this time he’s the one to take a step in your direction. The tips of your shoes are touching, and you can hear the rustling outside, but it’s just you two in the corridor, and you hope it stays like this for just a little longer even though you knew he had an interview in a few minutes. His company and attention are something you enjoyed having.

“With how many dates do you find it ok to kiss someone?” His playful tone is there, but his expression makes your knees almost buck. “Can we count practice, quali, and the race as dates?” 

And just like that he has you laughing and grabbing his neck to close the distance and smash your lips in a very much-awaited kiss. 

yourusername

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yoursername best date night ever 🤍

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────── ⋆🪩 VOICEMAIL: Hi! I hope you guys liked this piece! <3 I wanted to add a huge shout-out to C (my coffee emoji anon on Tumblr) for proofreading this (Ily, C!)

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[phrandallanton]

ranfren headcannons

I've done everything but posted headcannons and a fanfiction. This won't do. Here's some headcannons of mine! All of them aren't serious so don't take them that way d(>_･ ). Feel free to ask me about any other headcannons I'll definitely give more!

Randal

• if he has any pimples on his face he definitely picks at them untill they pop

• either is really good at math or sucks at math and hates it. (No in-between)(leaning towrds sucking at math more)

• has tear stains on his homework sometimes

• he bathes everyday dispite what people think. (Luther forces him too)

• his hair gets really oily. He has tried to cook with the oil his hair produced once. Nobody ate dinner that night.

• if he's frustrated and you go to poke him he'll scream on top of his lungs, but like the scream that goes from normal yelling to banshee screeching. "stop touCHING MEEEEĚĘƏƏ!!!!"

• gets in a lot of internet arguments about things that don't matter at all ("I think you'll find it's 'whom'.")

• he'd get so mad if he ask you to hold his glasses, and you proceed to carelessly get your fingerprints all over them.

• draws with those "how to draw anime" guid books.

• if he ever took a driving test, he would have already failed the moment he opens the car door.

• loves kraft mac and cheese, double points if it's in shapes of popular marketable characters.

• now thinking of it, if he was a pasta dish he would be kraft mac and cheese.

• bites his toe nails off (gross) Luther tried to get him to stop but he probably does the same thing when no one is around.

• sneezes weirdly. Like..."ah...ah...AH CHOOwoowoowoowoo..." and shakes his head. Or if he's covering it in his elbow it'll sound like a trumpet horn.

Luther

• he can dance but it's weird.

• if you tell him a joke he'll turn it into a life lesson.

• he wins every staring contest. However if your eyes start watering he'll get worried and start begging you to blink.

• treats women (and everyone) with so much respect, but he won't hesitate to punch a women if he really has to.

• *shakes his indext finger* "no no no"

• Randal probably tried to set him up on a blind date, he didn't like that. It was very awkward to say the least.

• genuinely gets happy when there are bagels at the function.

• when asked for advice, it'll sound like he's going to say something really meaningful and life changing, but then does a complete 180. "Oh, you think your ugly? Well people will have their opinions about you and ...well... you aren't the best thing to look at. But there's worst out there ♡."

• I can see him gobbling up some cheese and broccoli.

• has a walk in closet filled with clothes and accessories he doesn't wear.

• he 100% definitely has the goofiest giggle in the planet.

• eats ice cream with his front teeth.

Nyon

• I will stand by this till the day I die, he's really funny. He has a really good sense of humor. But I could also seem him not understanding jokes too. But at the same TIIIMMEE I feel like he'd be naturally funny.

• he knows lots of slang and pop culture due to watching TV a lot and probably quotes stuff in his head. (Maybe out loud if he was talking to you)

• has a lot of opinions, will never say them out loud, even when asked.

• he's the smartest out of everyone, including Luther.

• easily amused. please give him one of those little fishy nightlights. He'd enjoy looking at it so much.

• he's good at card games and Nyen doesn't like that. (Nyen has stabbed him over games of uno)

• has a really funny looking smile. (There's that one drawing in the Christmas comic where he's smiling weird after he saw Luther's reaction to the fire place tape he made for him)

Nyen

• listens to death metal but then listens to a jpop song right after. ("Can't let gang know I fw this")

• good at math, sucks at reading.

• loves hearing about drama and will be nosy.(come on man he loves Judge Judy and romance novels)

• sounds like Tom from Tom and Jerry when he yells.

• he calls himself "The Tom Cat" and (canonically) "Top of the pets in the house hold" which is practically the same as "I'm the alpha" so he's probably has said that.

• sucks at card games. Will legit end up with half of the pack of cards in his hands in the middle of an uno game.

• actually the weakest of them all. (I won't go into all that right now. But I can definitely beat him up in a fight, just sayin.)

•him and Nyon probably have times where they stay up and chit chat for a bit before they sleep, Example (from my old notes I had):

Nyon high on weed:...why do we call oranges..oranges...but we don't call apples...reds..??..

Nyen:....sh*t...you got a point... does that mean we would call lemons: short yellows and bananas: long yellows so it doesn't get confusing?...

*they then discuss this for an hour or so*

• Snores really really LOUD. Sounds like a car.

• oddly very ticklish I bet.

~~~~~~

That's all I have now. It's 2 in the morning and I'm falling asleep. I might write other characters headcannons later.

"I'm going to sleep" -bop it

[thekeeperof-thefandoms]

Someone asked me to write Lucifer's take on "Bitch what's for dinner?!" Soooo...

First, Lucifer saying it to you.

He sees it somewhere online and at first is like, "this is dumb" but then he thinks about it. He knows his relationship with Lillith was rocky but he'd never once raised a hand or voice to her, but he's The Devil from The Bilble, so he has a reputation, undeserved or not. He wants to see how safe you feel with him and make sure you don't have like, an ingrained response to take treatment like that, and he's too awkward to just talk about your relationship like a normal person.

Honestly thinks you've probably already seen the video and that you'll laugh it off or playfully smack him ans then you guys can talk. So when he storms into the kitchen at the Hotel, pretending to have just gotten into an argument with Alastor, and snaps at you, his horns growing a bit, "Bitch, what's for dinner?!" He's not expecting you to look shell-shocked.

He thinks its because that was so out of character for him and you're just stunned but then you just quietly look down and respond "grilled cheese?", like you're expecting him to reprimand you the whole act goes out the window. He's in your space, not touching you yet, and babbling apologies, practically on his knees. Eventually you catch on that he was joking and hug him and ask him please not to do that again.

He agrees immediately and follows it up with, "Of course! And, lovely, darling, light of my life, if I, or anyone, ever talks to you like that, you better smack the shit out of them. Or, like if it's someone else, I'll knock their ass out. Seriously, don't ever let me treat you like that."

You do it to Lucifer.

You saw the video online and thought it would be funny. After all, there's no way the KING OF HELL would take that. You set your phone up to record secretly and brace for some sort of sassy response, slamming your hand down on the counter next to him for dramatic effect.

"Bitch, what's for dinner!?"

Lucifer's wings pop out, ruffled, defensive, hissing like a cat, long forked tongue dripping fire. Once he realizes it's you, he blinks, frowns, and makes himself small.

"Uh...I...I can make grilled cheese? Are you mad at me? Did I forget a date? Was I rude to you on accident? What did I do, I can fix it."

Oh, oh no. You're crumpled. This poor man. You're holding him, petting his ruffled wings, apologizing through tears because of course he didn't do anything wrong. You tell him it was a dumb internet trend, that you didn't think about how it could upset him, you're so sorry and won't do it again and eventually he calms down and kind of laughs it off. It was an honest mistake.

You don't let it go so easily, and cup his cheeks, forcing him to meet your eyes. "Don't you ever let anyone talk to you like that, not even me. Anyone talks to you like, you better smite the fuck out of them. Full fire and brimstone. Nothing left. Dust. Ash. Obliterated. Understand?"

He thinks it a bit excessive of a response, especially if you're including yourself, but he agrees anyway, practically swooning at your protectiveness.

[gracev0609]

I Was Born to Love You Pt. 2

Josh Kiszka X Reader

A gracev0609/ losfacedevil collaboration.

Warnings: 18+ only, Minors DNI, Explicit Sexual content, Breeding kink.

What started in @losfacedevil and I's DMs manifested into this little treat.

Without further adieu, here is Part 2.

The sun was beginning to set and the warm glow of the sun coming in through the windows paired with the soft glow of the lamp on the end table was creating the perfect cozy atmosphere. You laid on your plush couch wrapped up in the blankets that were usually draped along the back, and you were on the phone with your best friend Janelle. You two were in the midst of one of your girl chats where nothing was too TMI. As she chatters about getting back in the swing of things, sexually, with her husband Logan after having her first baby, you offered advice the best you could. You decide to bring up, albeit a little excitedly, that you and Josh were currently trying to get pregnant.

“ We've been trying to get pregnant, and I'm not going to lie, Josh has been really into it.” You spoke into the receiver.

“Yeah? What do you mean babe? Of course he's excited.” 

“Well, I told him that I want him to put a baby in my belly and he just about jumped me,” you laughed,” and he's been, like, almost feral for me. It's really hot. I'm not sure what's so different from before.”

Now it was Janelle's turn to laugh.

“Y/N babe, you're kidding, you don't know what's going on?”

“ No, I don't!”

“ Sweetie, that's called a breeding kink. Docile, innocent Joshua has a dirty little kink.”

“Oh, my... that's making a lot of sense.. Janelle, it's seriously so hot, it's some of the best sex we've ever had.”

“ Maybe you have a bit of a kink too, huh?”

“No!, I don't think so, I mean I know I like it when he…” You waved your hand around gesturing so she would understand what you're getting at, even though she can't see you through the phone.

“Y/N, Sweetie. Please don't be so dense. That's bullshit and you know it, I saw the way you two were looking at each other when you visited last. He wants to see you pregnant with his baby as much as you want him to be a Daddy.”

A shy giggle escaped your lips, telling Janelle everything she needed to know.

“So, you really told him to put a baby in your belly? No wonder he's been feral, you're fueling his fire!”

You heard the front door open and Josh come shuffling in after his long day at the studio.

“Hey babe, Josh just got home, I'm gonna have to let you go.”

“Go on, have fun! I'm sure you've been unknowingly teasing the poor man all day.”

“Bye!” You called into the phone before pushing the end call button.

Josh came over to you on the couch, he lifted your wrapped up feet and sat down, putting them in his lap. He gently started rubbing them through the blankets, “ How was your day babe? Mine was so long, I'm glad to be home. We're almost done with the finishing touches on the album, which is exciting, but I really missed you today.”

You thought back on your day, pleasantly revisiting the thing you were keeping a secret for now. On a whim you decided to take a pregnancy test and to your surprise when you unveiled it to yourself you were met with a little plus sign, indicating that you were indeed pregnant. You thought about the little shriek of joy that erupted from your chest and the tears welling in the corners of your eyes. You were dying to tell Josh, but you wanted to make it a surprise for him. Spending the rest of the day you had left, before your chat with Janelle, you spent searching the Internet for ways to let your partner know you were expecting. After looking at cringy idea after cringy idea you decided it would be best to take him to the store and lead him to the baby aisle, and let the pieces fall into place for themselves.

“My day was pretty good, got everything done around here that I wanted to complete. How about we relax the rest of the evening?” You said sitting up and tucking your legs under yourself, bringing your hand to rest in Josh's hair, gently massaging his scalp. He lets out a little groan and relaxes into your touch.

“Feels good baby.”

Hearing the rasp in his voice sent a shiver down your spine and suddenly you were feeling needy.

“Do you want me to make you feel even better?”

His eyes open and a smirk adorns his mouth, “ What do you have in mind sweet girl?”

“Well, I was thinking about riding you, here on the couch. We still have some more practicing to do.”

Rising from the couch you start to undress, allowing his eyes to roam from your breasts, to your stomach, to your core now fully bare to him. 

He lets out a breathy, “ God damn, you're so sexy Y/N. You want me to fill you up baby?”

“Please.”

Kneeling down in front of the couch in between his legs, you unbutton his pants and free his hardening cock.

“Just relax Joshy, let me make you feel good for a little.” You grasped him in your hand, gently pumping his length until it was fully hard. Once you wrap your plush soft lips around his tip, he leans his head back against the back of the couch.

Slowly you bob your head down his length, fast enough to make him feel good, but not enough to get him anywhere.

His whines are music to your ears, propelling your aching need for him at every pitchy note. You brought your lips back up to the head, suctioning his tip, before giving his slit kitten licks making him shudder. He whips his head off the couch, looking you in the eyes.

“Okay, okay! You said you want to ride me?”

You pull his pants and underwear down his legs, and he rips his white shirt off, matching you in your nakedness. Rising to your feet you climb onto the couch, straddling his waist. Hastily you grab his leaking cock and tease yourself with him. Circling his sensitive skin against your clit and down to your weeping entrance.

“Baby, don't you want me to stretch you out-ohhh” his sentence cut off by a moan as you sunk down, inch by inch, until he was nestled deep inside against your cervix. You rested your forehead against his, breathing heavily, taking note of the sting of his thick member stretching you out, his hot red blotchy skin of his muscular chest under your palms. The smell of his skin, notes of his now stale cologne mixed with his natural scent. This was the father of your baby. Josh. Emotion was bubbling in your chest, the love for him so strong you could cry. You removed your face from his, breathing in the cooler surrounding air, you couldn't let him see your emotions running high, it would ruin the surprise. Gently you move your hips, grinding them against his.

“God, Y/N you're so fucking tight. Feels so good baby, just what I needed.”

Josh grips his hands against your hips, his fingertips digging in slightly, as he helps you push and pull against him.

“What are we practicing love? Wanna hear you say it.” He growls into your ear.

“Making a baby Josh. Need you to knock me up.”

His hips buck up into yours, starting his grueling pace. All you can do is curse and moan as he fucks up into your sensitive cunt, he's pushing you both closer and closer to the finish line.

“I'm getting close,” you murmur into the slick skin of his neck.

He brings his hand in between your bodies and expertly rubs your clit, sending you skyrocketing towards your orgasm.

“ That's it love, cum all over my cock. You deserve it baby, such a good girl for me.”

Your eyes roll back and you cry out into his shoulder, pleasure rolling over your body in delicious waves.

He fucks you through it, now chasing his own high, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth,” Gonna cum, gonna fuck a baby in you,” he moans through gritted teeth, “ Gonna make your stomach swollen with my baby. Fuck- I'm cumming, gonna fill you up.”

You feel him pulse and throb inside you, and then you feel the hot spurts of his cum. A feeling you're now hooked on and can't imagine not having again. He grabs your jaw and pulls your lips to his, passionately kissing you as he settles down from his orgasm. 

His eyes flutter open and a smile graces his lips, “ What do you think? Think we made a baby this time sweetheart?”

You match his smile, and have to rein yourself back from telling him, “ I hope so.”

You shakily stand up from his lap and go to head upstairs for a shower to clean up, you smile to yourself as you feel him dripping down the inside of your thigh.

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

“Oh, lover boy!” You called, poking your head out of the bathroom door. 

Josh had found his way into the bedroom, the thought of having to cook dinner no longer tickling his fancy. He laid sideways across the bed, face tucked safely away into the crook of his elbow, his breathing slow and even. You knew he heard you by the way he lifted his hand in a silent salute. 

“Lover boy is a tired boy.” He chucked, dropping his arm away from his face and slowly pushed himself into a seated position. A soft smile spread across your face as you straightened your back out and you reached for your hair brush. 

“So I know we said we were gonna relax for the rest of the night but I just ran out of my body wash, how does a trip to Target sound?” You called, slowly making your way out of the bathroom and over to where he sat. He rolled his eyes, leaning up to press a soft kiss to your lips. 

“You literally sucked every last ounce of energy out of me through my dick and now you want me to go walk Target for the next hour. Ugh, fine, but only if you drive.” He chuckled, reaching a hand out in your direction for some help up.

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

“You said we were here for body wash, not for more stuff for Bennie.” He chuckled, slowly beginning to sift through the racks of baby clothes. A soft smile spread across your face as your plan slowly began to fall into place.

Your heart hammered in your chest, just the thought of the words you were trying to form sending you into a nervous spiral. You nodded your head gently, slowly searching the rack for a gender neutral colored onesie. Josh picked out a few and held them up against his chest, showing them off to you. Lifting your hand you pointed at the tiny yellow onesie covered in a duck print that he held and motioned for him to come closer. 

“I mean Janelle did say that Bennie baby needed some new onesies - the formula she supplements with really stains apparently. But we’re not here for Bennie.” You started, proceeding with caution as you plucked the onesie out of his hand and laid it against your own body. 

“Not here for Bennie? Then what? Are you hoping for sparkles and pixie dust to fly off of these baby clothes and help us conceive?” He chuckled, plucking another onesie off of the rack. You giggled nervously, turning your attention to him. 

“I mean, not exactly, but we do have some shopping to do for another little baby.” You were hopeful he caught on as you held the onesie against your stomach. Josh chuckled lightly and reached out, plucking the onesie from your hands. 

“Excuse me? What little baby? Did my brothers tell you something I don’t know?” He chuckled. You rolled your eyes lightly, the wishful pang in your chest that it had actually been Sevda and Jake, something she had confided in you popping into your mind and caused tears to sting the corners of your eyes. Pulling a deep breath in through your nose you held it to the count of ten and steeled yourself and straightened your back. 

“No, not your brothers…. You. Us.  We’re having a baby, lover boy.” You kept your voice soft, not wanting to draw any attention to yourselves. Josh’s eyes grew wide and he closed the distance between the two of you. 

“I’m sorry… WHAT?!” He couldn’t help the volume of his voice and a soft wince kissed his facial features as his outburst drew the attention of the worker near them. He reached up and cupped your cheeks in his hands, peppering soft kisses to your forehead and nose. 

“What do you mean we’re having a baby? THERE’S A BABY IN THERE?! Sorry, sorry I’ll behave. Oh my god… I… I put a baby in you?” He whispered softly, his eyes growing wide as the realization sunk in and his hands flew to your stomach, rubbing them gently over the fabric of your shirt. You nodded gently, tears pooling in your eyes as you leaned your head forward and pressed your face into the mop of curls on top of his head. 

“You put a baby in me, your baby, our baby.” Josh kept his face hidden, a wide grin spreading across his face as he fought back the tears that threatened to pool in his eyes. He slipped his hand up under the hem of your shirt, pressing his warm palm to you skin. 

“There’s a little baby in there… how long have you known?” His voice was barely a whisper, not wanting to share his secret with any of the shoppers around them. You smiled into the soft warmth his hair cast on your face, reaching up to place your hands over his.

“Just this morning, something told me to take a test - you know I don’t track my cycle the way I should honestly. And well… a tiny little plus sign popped up.” You cooed, lifting your head from his and reached up to cup your hand around his chin, lifting his head so you could see his face. 

“I have to tell Jake.” He mumbled, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before taking off in the direction of the store entrance. 

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

Jake rolled his eyes as his older brothers name lit up his phone screen. Sliding the answer bar across his screen he quickly tapped the speaker button and continued to pluck away at the guitar in his lap. 

“This better be important dude.” Jake almost growled, unsure of what could be so important as he had just seen Josh yesterday. Josh took a deep, steadying breath tilting his head towards the sky and let his eyes flutter shut. He cleared his throat quietly and counted to ten in his mind.

“Jake listen, you can’t tell mom or dad or Sam or Danny okay?” Jake quirked a brow before placing the guitar in his grasp on the floor and scooped up his phone, quickly turning off the speaker function and pressed it firmly to his ear.

“You didn’t kill anyone did you? You didn’t crash the car? Y/N’s alright, right?” Jakes mind began to move a mile a minute, unsure of what could be so important that he was being sworn to secrecy. He could hear Josh pacing, the sound of the breeze through the line changing every time he turned. 

“No, I didn’t kill anyone or crash the car, yes she’s okay. She is better than okay actually. Jake, you’re gonna be an uncle.” 

Jakes mouth fell open as tears quickly sprang to his eyes and the phone slipped from his hand, clattering to the floor and drawing the attention of his girlfriend, Sevda. She turned her head quickly and her eyes widened slightly at the look of shock on Jake’s face. She made her way over to him quickly and perched herself on the arm of the couch, reaching over to press his jaw together.

“What’s the matter Jake? Who’s on the phone?” She bent at the waist and scooped the phone up off of the floor, tapping the screen to light up the caller ID. 

Josh could hear the commotion on the other end of the line. Sevda remained calm as she tried to shake Jake out of whatever trance he was in. Pulling a deep breath in through her nose she tapped the speaker function on the phone screen. 

“Josh what have you done to break your brother? I think he’s forgotten how to function outside of letting tears stream down his cheeks. Jake, darling what happened?” 

A nervous chuckle escaped Josh as he mentally prepared to say the words once more. Sevda cupped Jakes cheek in her hand and swiped her thumb under his eye to rid his skin of the tears that lay there. 

“Sev, she’s pregnant.” 

A soft gasp escaped Sevdas lips and she turned her attention to the phone in her hand. Another nervous chuckle escaped Josh in the deafening silence, both his brother and sister in law now both shocked by the words that had come out of his mouth. 

“Hey, guys? Can you say something… anything?” Josh chuckled, reaching up to scratch at the back of his neck. He could hear Jake sniffling, and the soft words of encouragement Sevda was muttering, clearly picturing her forehead pressed up against the side of Jakes head as she whispered sweet nothings to him. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just.. I’m so happy for you Josh, you’re gonna be the best dad. And she’s gonna be the best mama, you see how she is with Jade even though she’s older.” Jakes eyes danced across the room to where Sevdas four year old Jade sat and his heart soared with the idea of her having a baby cousin. 

“Where is she, Josh? Can I speak to her?” Sevda asked, her mind reeling with just how she had felt when she found out she was pregnant. 

“She’s shopping for all the babies apparently, I thought we were here for Bennie but I’ll have her call you guys as soon as we get home.” 

Jake pulled another deep breath in through his nose as Jade found him across the room and reached out in his direction. He smiled softly at the little girl and nodded. 

“I’m being summoned to the tea party. Princesses know nothing of their Kings importance. I’m so happy for you guys.” 

“Send her all our love, Josh. We’ll talk to you guys later.” Sevda kept her voice light and sweet as she bid Josh a farewell and hung up the phone. 

A sigh of relief slipped past Joshs lips as he turned on his heel and marched back into Target, his mind reeling with Jakes reaction and how he was going to tell Y/N she made her favorite Kiszka cry. 

A soft smile spread across Josh’s face as he saw the amount of things you had strewn across the cart, things for Bennie and Jade in one pile and a couple little onesies in the other. You were stood in the middle of the aisle with you phone pressed firmly to you ear and a wide smile spread across your face. Josh sidled up next to you and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pressing a soft kiss to you temple as you quickly finished up your call. 

“I just need you to know  you’ve made your favorite Kiszka cry and Sevda doesn’t know what to do with him now.” Josh chuckled, his eyes landing on the Aunt and Uncle onesies you had found digging around the clearance rack. 

“Janelle next?” He questioned, pointing at the collection of onesies. You nodded enthusiastically, laying out the Aunt and Uncle onesies for him to get a good look at them. 

“Yeah! She’s up for visitors now so we might as well just take advantage of it before she’s too tired or Bennie gets too fussy. Oh! And look - I found a cute cousin shirt for Jade! They didn’t tell my Princess did they?” You joked, turning your full attention to Josh. He shrugged his shoulders, folding the shirt he was holding in his hand and tossed it back into the carriage. 

“Not while I was on the phone, should I have told them not to tell Jade?” Josh’s eyes grew wide as the realization that you may want to tell Jade yourself washed over him. A soft giggle escaped your lips and you shook your head, beginning to push the cart in the direction of the registers.

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

“Where’s my Bennie baby?!” You cooed, pushing your way through Janelles heavy metal front door. Janelles eyes lit up as you and Josh came into view, small gift bags filled with goodies for both Janelle and Bennie in each of Josh’s hands. 

“He’s my baby. But you can have him, I have to pee so bad!” Janelle joked, pushing herself to stand with her free arm and slowly made her way over to where you stood. A soft smile spread across your face as she handed Bennie over to you and quickly ran off to the bathroom.  

“How do you think she’s gonna react? Do I need to be prepared for tears like when she told you she was pregnant with Bennie?” Josh chuckled, pressing both of the gift bags into one hand and reached up to smooth his hand over Bennies head. 

“She may cry or she may scream and squeeze me to death, only time will tell.” You giggled, leaning down to press a kiss to the baby’s forehead. 

“I missed you my Bennie boo, have you been good for mama and dada? Or have you given them a run for their money?” You cooed, watching as Bennie wrapped his tiny hand around your finger. Josh wrapped his arm gently around your waist and pressed the palm of his hand firmly against your stomach as he hooked his chin over your shoulder. He let his fingers dance slowly over the sliver of exposed sink above the waistband of your jeans and turned his head to press a soft kiss to your cheek. 

“I bet he’s the best baby for mama and dada aren’t you, Bennie? You let mama sleep right?” Josh cooed, jumping lightly at the gentle touch of Janelles hand on his shoulder.

“What is sleep? Chunky monkey is up every two hours to eat to the point I’ve had to start using formula because I just cannot keep up with his demand.” Josh turned his head slightly and pulled back from you a little bit to get a better look at Janelle. 

“For you M’lady.” Josh chuckled, handing Janelle the two gift bags that he was holding in his hand. Janelles eyes lit up as she scooped the bags out of his hand.

“Bennie baby do you see how spoiled you are?! Auntie and Uncle can’t come to visit without bringing you a gift now can they?” Janelle giggled, placing the bags down on the coffee table to her right. She pulled the tissue paper out of the top of one of the bags and reached in, pulling out a single onesie.

“Guys you know this isn’t gonna fit chunky boy right?” Janelle asked, turning her attention to you as you handed Bennie off to Josh. You shrugged your shoulders nonchalantly and tilted your head to the side as she unfolded the onesie. 

“Auntie? Why does this say Auntie?” Janelle spoke, her eyes slowly filling with tears. A soft smile spread across your face as you took a step towards her. 

“There may be a bun in my oven if you catch my drift.” You giggled, placing your hands against your stomach. Janelles eyes grew wide and the onesie slipped out of her hands and fluttered to the floor. 

“You… YOU’RE PREGNANT?!” Janelle closed the distance between you and wrapped her arms around your shoulders, pulling your body tightly against hers. 

“I don’t know how far along I am but that little plus sign stared me straight in the face this morning.” You giggled, reciprocating her hug. 

“THIS MORNING?! YOU FOUND OUT THIS MORNING AND YOU’RE ALREADY TELLING ME?! Congratulations guys.” 

Josh’s eyes were glossed over as he gently swayed in place, tapping the sleeping baby in his arms on the bottom as he watched you both hug. He pulled a deep breath in through his nose as his mind reeled with everything that had transpired that day. You placed your hands gently against your stomach as you spoke to Janelle, something Josh was actively blocking out as he started to come to terms with what everything meant. You were going to be parents and the whole world was about to change. 

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

Your hands shook slightly as nerves and butterflies danced in your stomach. You looked over at Josh who smiled back at you like he was sunshine personified. He was driving you to your first OB appointment, maneuvering the road with a bit of extra care. He wouldn't admit it but he was just as nervous and excited as you were. Your eyes glanced down to his small leather bound notebook and pen he brought along and your heart swelled that he was going to take notes.

Josh followed your eyes and softly said,” I just want to be prepared. I want to know everything. I- I want to be a good dad.”

You grabbed his hand off of the gearshift and grasped it in your own, “ You will be Josh. I know it, you are so kind and so loving, this baby is so lucky to have you as their father.”

He pulled the truck into a parking spot out front of the doctor's office. 

His eyes were filled with emotion as he breathed out,“I love you.”

“I love you too Josh.”

He slowly exhales before cracking open his car door,“I guess we better get in there.”

He snatches his notebook before hopping out of the truck, rounding the front to come help you out.

Once inside the office you check in and take a seat in the waiting room. Josh leans over and asks where your paperwork is.

“ I did it online yesterday.”

His brow furrows slightly,” Oh, times certainly have changed.”

You laugh,” Josh you're becoming a dad, not a grandpa!”

He chuckles along with you and fiddles with his notebook in his lap.

Both of your heads shoot up as a nurse calls your name out.

“Come on back sweetie!”

You followed your nurse past many identical rooms until she ushered you to the last one on the left. Closing the door behind you she tells you to take a seat on the bed, and instructs Josh to sit in the chair next to it.

“So on your chart it says this is your first baby, that's so exciting! Congratulations!”

“Thank you, we are so excited!,” you beamed at her before looking at Josh with nothing but love in your eyes.

“Okay Y/N, I'm going to just check your vitals and then your doctor will be in shortly.”

You tried to keep your breathing even as she went through the routine of listening with her stethoscope and using the blood pressure cuff.

“Alright Mama, all looks good, I'll go and let your doctor know you're ready.”

Mama.

You felt your chest squeeze as the reality of the situation began to set in. You and Josh weren't just playing around anymore, giving into your desires. You were actually going to be someone's mom. You knew deep in your bones you would do anything for the little life in your stomach, you were their mom.

Josh chuckles lightly after the door closes, “ The fan girlies go wild when I say mama. I'll have to start calling you Mama now.”

You shook your head smiling,” I don't know about that.”

A light knock on the door interrupted your banter, and a gentle looking woman with curly grey hair walked in,” Hi Y/N. I'm Dr. Penza, but please call me Nancy,” she extends her hand to meet yours to shake. She turns her attention to Josh,” And you must be dad!,” she offers her hand to Josh.

His face lights up in a beaming smile,” Yes! I'm Josh, it's nice to meet you Nancy.”

“Alright Y/N, let's get into it shall we? All your vitals look great, so when was your last menstrual cycle?”

You think back, noting that you haven't had one this month or last. “We're at the beginning of the month, and I didn't get my period last month, so the middle of the month before that. Maybe 6 weeks ago?”

“Lovely! And when did you see the positive pregnancy test?”

“Last Saturday.”

“Wonderful!” Nancy grabs a pair of gloves and asks you to lay back,” I'm going to do a pelvic exam and then get a look at your cervix.”

Again you focus on your breathing as she pokes and prods, feeling for things you don't exactly understand. You look over to Josh and a soft smile plays on your lips as he is writing in his notebook that he brought along. Nancy takes notice and softly speaks to you,” You've got yourself a good one.”

“Okay, everything is looking great, I'm going to take you down the hall and we're going to do some blood work. Josh you can come along, or stay here depending on how you are with blood,” Nancy laughs lightly, helping you down off the table.

Josh smirks slightly,” Blood doesn't bother me none, I'll go with.”

You pray Josh's innuendo goes over Nancy's head, but alas it doesn't and she remarks,” Oh, honey. You really got yourself a good one.”

Your cheeks flame as you follow her out the door to another area of the clinic for your tests.

🌼🌼

Once back in the exam room she instructed you to get back up on the table,” Do you want to see your baby?”

The largest smile landed on your lips,” oh my god yes! Yes please.”

Your doctor wheeled a big machine over from the corner of the room, which you now understood was an ultrasound machine. You leaned all the way back on the bed and Josh came to stand right behind you. He leaned down so your faces could be level. He kisses your cheek tenderly, “ I'm ready to see our little baby. Our little Sunshine.”

Nancy turns off the lights in the exam room and fires up the machine. She resumes her position by your legs and gently rolls up the hem of your shirt,” Now this stuff is going to be a little chilly at first, so I apologize!”

She squirts some clear gel onto your lower stomach and it take everything in you not to flinch at the temperature difference. She takes the wand connected to the machine and places it on your skin, rubbing it around as she looks at the screen,” Ah! There they are,” she points to the blob on the screen,” that right there is your baby.”

Before you can begin to process what you are looking at, a choked sob comes from Josh.

He buries his face in the crook of your neck for a moment, desperately trying to compose himself,” I'm so sorry!” He sniffles,” Fuck, I'm so sorry. It's just that I'm so happy. That's our baby. We created that.”

You look at his face, tears streaming down his cheeks, his eyes are locked on the little blob on the screen. You bring your palm up to cup his cheek,and your thumb softly strokes his face, as you both look at the screen as your doctor explains what you're looking at.

Josh whispers,” This is so beautiful.”

“Do you want pictures of your ultrasound printed out?”

“Please. Is it a bother if we have a few? I want to give some to our family,” you ask her as she wipes the gel off of your stomach. 

“Absolutely!”

Once she returns with your pictures you can't help but zone out, staring at the little jelly bean in your hands as she explains everything else you need to know to you and Josh.

“Alright honey, it was a pleasure to meet you, and Josh, and I'll see you at your next appointment! Take care!”

The both of you walk out of the doctor's office in a haze of joy as you clutch the pictures in your hand, one for each of his brothers and your parents. 

You were quiet on the ride home, mind buzzing. Once Josh parked the truck in the driveway he asked,” Can we go inside and just lay together, let me hold you and love on you for a bit?”

“Joshy, you can love on me all night if you want.”

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

Stepping out of the hot shower you grabbed a fluffy towel out of the towel warmer Josh insisted you buy. Wrapping yourself in the warmth you definitely weren't complaining about the purchase. Josh was doing everything in his power to make sure you were stress free, between being at your beck and call on his days off, to making dinner, to giving you a foot massage. He insists because according to him, your body growing a baby is stressful enough, and he can take care of the rest.

You walk into the adjoining bedroom, still wrapped in your towel to find Josh walking into the bedroom from the hall.

“Hi my love. I just finished cleaning up from dinner. How was your shower?” Josh asks while grasping his crew neck sweatshirt and slipping it off, leaving him in just his sweatpants.

You grab your lotion from the top of your dresser and start lathering it on your arms and shoulders,” It was nice, just what I needed for my back.”

Josh gets comfortable on the bed, laying all the way back against the pillows with his arm above his head, absentmindedly playing with his hair. 

You let your towel slip from your body to the floor as you continue to lotion your skin. Your hands slide over your chest, and over your stomach before grabbing the lotion and taking it to the edge of the bed so you can prop your leg up.

You catch Josh's eyes as his rake over your form.

“Baby? Come here.”

He pulls you to his side of the bed and places his warm palm against your stomach.

“Sweetie, that's a bump. That's definitely a bump!”

He presses his lips to your stomach leaving soft kisses on your skin.

“I noticed it yesterday, they're getting bigger every day, ” You run your fingers over the soft shaved sides of his head.

He pulls you into his lap and you lay your head on his shoulder as his fingers caress your tummy.

Josh speaks softly,” I think it's a girl.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I just have a feeling. She's going to be my little Sunshine. So many people have told me that I'm destined to do great things, and for a long time I only thought they were talking about my music. But I think I was also destined to be a father to this little baby. That's the greatest thing I could ever accomplish.”

You shift in his lap so your legs are now on either side of his hips. Cupping his face in your hands you connect your lips with his, instantly parting your mouth and sucking on his bottom lip.

After only a moment of kissing Josh whines and you feel him flex his hips, searching for some kind of friction. He trails hot kisses down your throat, the smell of your body wash and the lotion you just applied overwhelming his senses.

“I can't get enough of you. You look so divine with that little bump. Even more perfect than I imagined.”

Your breath catches in your throat,” How often have you imagined me like this?”

He sucks on the skin at your collarbones,” Every day since we started trying. Multiple times a day if I'm being honest. Makes me so hard, you're so gorgeous.”

Grinding your hips down you now feel him fully hard in his sweatpants.

He groans before speaking,” Get up baby, I need you to see how stunning you are.”

He leads you to the other end of the bed, he strips his pants and sits down on the corner of the mattress, his hard cock bobbing as he gets adjusted.

“Sit between my legs Y/N, back against my chest.”

You sit in front of him, and feel goosebumps form over your skin as your back makes contact with the soft skin of his chest, and his hard cock resting against your ass. Josh softly dances his fingertips over your skin, up your arms, across your chest, down to your swollen stomach. Going back up and grasping your chin in his hand,” Look how beautiful you are Y/N,” his other hand points to the large floor length mirror in the corner of your bedroom.

His free hand comes back to caress your stomach and he whispers in your ear,” So pretty pregnant with my baby.”

You can't even utter a word, your body is aflame with need for your baby's father, all you can do is lean back more against his chest and shift your hips down a bit, hoping he'll take the bait and touch you where you need him to. 

Josh chuckles lightly and places a kiss on your cheek, his hand cradling your stomach comes down between your legs, just cupping your heat. His other leaves your jaw and goes to wrap around your torso, knowing that you'll need the support soon.

Gently he swipes his middle finger through your slick, up and down, just barely brushing into your clit. Your eyes flutter closed as you melt against his chest.

“Keep your eyes open babydoll.”

You open your eyes again and find him staring back at you in the mirror with a smirk on his lips.

“It feels too good Josh.”

He growls,” I've barely touched you yet.”

His pointer finger and ring finger hold open your lips, and you both can see your pink skin peeking in the mirror. His middle digit runs through your slick yet again until he finally rubs a tight circle over your clit. You breathe a sigh of relief as he touches you where you need it the most. Your hips subconsciously buck up into his hand. He can't even reprimand you as he's too busy enjoying the sight of you grinding and squirming in his arms in the mirror.

“Gonna cum soon,” you murmur.

“Such a good girl, let me watch you baby.”

His fingers circle over your clit faster and you clutch onto his forearm that's draped across your body.

The fire in your stomach spreads through your whole body as you moan his name, cumming hard.

“Stunning.”

You turn your head to look at his face,” Let me ride you, I wanna watch in the mirror.”

With that he positions himself further back on the bed,” Climb on sweetness.”

You go to straddle him reverse and he stops you,” No baby, I want to look at that pretty little tummy.”

Before you can even protest that you won't be able to see he shifts again on the bed so now you'll both be able to look to your left and see in the mirror.

Straddling his hips you grab his cock, stroking him softly before smearing the precum across his slit with your thumb making him shudder. You tease him a bit more before sliding him between your legs and sinking down on his length. Sitting there for a moment as your body adjusts to his size, his hands come up to caress your stomach once again.

“I just can't get over it. You're so, so beautiful.”

“I love you Josh.”

You place your hands on his chest and start to grind your hips. You sigh, feeling so full. After a few minutes of rocking Josh snakes his hand between your bodies to rub your clit again knowing he's not going to last much longer. You clench around him and he groans, an almost pained, “ You're close?” slips from his lips.

He feels you flutter around him as a feral moan escapes from your chest and he lets go, fucking his cum into your sensitive cunt. He lets you ride out your orgasm to completion even though he's clenching his jaw through the overstimulation.

You collapse forward into his chest breathing heavily into his sweaty skin.

He gently pets your hair and praises you for being so good for him. You close your eyes and focus on the feeling of him growing soft inside of you still, his cum oozing out from where you're connected.

“I need another shower,” you speak into his skin. 

He chuckles and you feel it rumble in his chest,” Let's get you cleaned up love.”

He helps you up and back into the bathroom. Once the water is hot enough he steps in, extending his hand for you to grab. Josh reaches above his head and grabs the detachable shower head so you can have your own stream of hot water, and you mindlessly rinse away the mess you made. Josh squirts some of your body wash into his hand and rubs his palms together. Wordlessly he starts washing your body with care. His hands pause on your stomach and his eyes flick up to meet yours,” My beautiful girls.”

His smile beams, highlighting his perfect smile, the one you pray that your baby gets.

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

You and Josh were having a lazy afternoon with nothing to do but watch whatever movie he had desired. Both of you were wrapped up in the blankets on the couch, him in nothing but a pair of grey sweatpants and you in an oversized t shirt.

“Baby, I could really go for some ice cream,” you told him as he softly ran his fingers over the soft skin of your calf, “ ooh and some cheddar sour cream ruffles.”

“Having a craving sweet girl?” Josh asked, pulling out his phone and opening the app for delivery service.

You brought your hands to your stomach, caressing your large bump, “ She really wants Ben and Jerry's Cherries Garcia.”

Josh added every sweet and savory treat you wanted to the cart and hit check out,” It'll be here in 15.”

You smiled to yourself as you knew he paid extra for priority. You once again became engrossed in the film he had playing on the tv and soon enough your doorbell rang signaling that your treats were here. He rose from the couch and went to retrieve the goodies, you couldn't help the giggle that escaped your lips when he came back in the room with three bags from the local grocery store.

“You ordered so much!”

He took everything out of the bag and set it up on the coffee table in front of you before running to the kitchen to grab a spoon for your ice cream.

“Needed options in case Sunshine changes her mind on what flavor she wants”

You popped the safety seal and dove right in, moaning when the florally sweet ice cream graced your taste buds. Josh leans over and kisses your stomach, “ Did Daddy pick the right kind?”

You smile and nod your head, grateful for your partner's care.

He kisses your stomach a few more times, “ Ya know, I'm kinda craving something right now too.”

You take another bite of your ice cream and reply with a full mouth, “ Damn, you should have ordered it babe.”

“I don't need to order anything, just lean back and eat your ice cream.”

Josh pushes up your shirt to expose the skin of your stomach and his eyes hone in on your bare core. He lightly trails kisses down your now stretch marked skin, nipping every once in a while. You watch him in awe, the arousal pooling in between your legs getting harder to bear.

“Eat your ice cream Y/N.”

You shifted your hips down a little more, propping up the pint where your breasts meet your stomach, taking another spoonful of the sugary sweet.

Josh's hands settle in the crease of your thighs gently spreading your legs for him. He rests his head on the inside of your thigh and breathes you in deeply. 

He murmurs into your core, “ I can smell how aroused you are.”

Your clit throbs at the words leaving his sinful lips, knowing you're moments away from having them wrapped around it.

He leans his head in more, his soft curls tickling the sensitive skin of your inner thighs, and licks his tongue through your folds. He moans the second he tastes your arousal on his tongue.

“ God, you taste so good, I'm so hard already.”

The glorious warmth of his tongue laps at your labia, his tongue thoroughly lapping at every crease, babying one side and then the other. He works his way up your slit, purposely neglecting your throbbing clit. He knows that you need him to suck it into his hot mouth, to cradle her with his tongue. 

Finally he pulls your aching bud in between his soft plush lips, sucking gently at first.

You groan and decide to discard your Ben and Jerry's, destined to be forgotten about on the coffee table.

His tongue slowly rolls over your clit, he's taking his time, making sure you fully feel every sensation.

You can't see much of him due to your protruding baby bump, but you can see the slight rise and fall of his ass as he's grinding his painfully hard cock into the couch.

He slides his fingers through the slick between your legs, thoroughly coating his middle and ring finger, before prodding at your entrance that is begging to be filled by any part of him. Gently he inserts his fingers, slowly sliding them in and out of your hole. You groan and clench, begging him for more.

He curls his fingers up and starts sucking your clit harder into his mouth. His lips tighten around your bud as his tongue continues to roll around it.

“I'm so close Josh.”

He hasn't dared take his mouth away from you, only wanting to push you to your orgasm faster.

One final curl of his fingers and a lick of his tongue and you're crying out, cumming hard on his face. Through your haze you hear him moan, the way you've heard thousands of times throughout the years, the way he moans when he's cumming.

Your chest is heaving as you come down from your incredible high. The sinful combination of your sweet treat and his skilled tongue leaves you incredibly satisfied.

He gently pulls his fingers from you, sucking them clean, and then he gently licks up your release from between your legs, careful to not overstimulate your sensitive skin.

You lean up and you're able to see his face again. His cheeks are flushed red, and his lips and chin are shiny with your juices. His eyes are a little droopy, high on pleasure.

“Did you…”

A sheepish smile adorns his lips as he rises to his knees, a large wet spot now sits on the front of his sweatpants, making the fabric a dark grey.

“I- uh..”

You stare at the stain on his pants and breathe, “ That's so hot babe.”

“ I couldn't help it, you're so beautiful. I love worshiping you.”

You stand up from the couch and grab his hands, pulling him up with you.

“I'm going to need you to get ready for round two, lover boy.”

He chuckles as he follows you through the house towards your bedroom.

His eyes are locked on the little peek of skin he can see when the fabric of your shirt swishes. The smallest glimpse of your ass cheeks. Once you reach your bedroom you turn to face him and pull your shirt off, his eyes study your body, he admires the changes you've gone through since becoming a mother. Your breasts are a bit heavier, your stomach swollen with his baby, dotted with stretch marks that you don't hate because your body is changing for your growing daughter. 

“ I need you to fuck me deep, baby.”

He pulls down his now soiled sweats, his length already starting to harden once again.

“Go lay on the bed sweetheart, I'll be right over.”

He grabs the waterproof sex blanket from the closet you've invested in since this activity has gotten messier than before. He comes to find you on the bed on all fours, back arched. Josh swallows thickly when his eyes trace the curves of your figure.

“You're going to kill me,” Josh mutters.

He makes his way to the head of the bed and grabs a few pillows, he covers them with the blanket and spreads the rest of it out.

You watch him inquisitively, cocking your brow up as to ask him what are they for?

“It's so you have something to brace yourself on. If your arms get tired, I've gotta make sure my girls are safe.”

He leans in and kisses your temple.You position yourself hovering over the pillows like Josh instructed, and lean down into them while wiggling your ass in the air. You call to Josh over your shoulder, “ Come on Daddy, I need you inside me.”

A shuddered breath escapes his lips, and you feel the bed dip under his weight as he positions himself behind you. His knuckles brush against your ass as he pumps himself in his hand a few times. A sigh erupts from your chest as the soft pillowy head of his cock makes contact with your wet slit, he glides himself up and down coating himself in your arousal.

“Please.”

You feel him shudder slightly before pressing himself at your entrance, slowly entering you, letting your body stretch against his. Once he was fully sheathed inside your warm wetness you feel his large palms glide up your back to your shoulders. He gently kneads the muscles of your back paying special attention to your lower back, which he knows has been feeling a lot of strain lately. He rubs his thumbs in circles over the taut muscles and you just about collapse forward into the pillows. After a few blissful moments of relaxation he moves his hands further down, kneading the flesh of your ass beneath his palms. 

“Can you start to move Joshy? I want it.” You whine from the pillows.

“Shhhhh Y/N. Just let me worship you. Just focus on the feeling. I'm rubbing away the pain as my cock stretches you out. Feel me deep inside.”

You groan as you know he's right. You relish the way he fills you so completely. How you're connected as one. You feel his love radiating off of him, he's caring for you in ways no man has ever done before, and no man will ever do besides him. 

Gently Josh rocks his hips forward, unable to deny himself any longer. The slow drag of his cock hitting all the right spots makes you groan yet again.

“That's it sweet girl, just take it. You take me so well.”

His hands slide from your hips down to caress your stomach. Josh leans forward to check in on you,” Doing okay Mama? You still feel good?”

You pant, “ Feels so good Josh. I love you.”

“I love you too Y/N,” he pointedly thrusts his hips in an achingly slow rhythm. 

A chorus of praises including good girl, and beautiful goddess slip past his lips like a mantra as his slow pace gently guides you to your ends.

The knot in your stomach is tightening as his hands find your hips, fingertips digging in tight.

“You're almost there, I feel you fluttering around me.”

You cry out as your orgasm takes hold, blissfully washing over you.

“I'm there too baby, gonna fill you up, fuck,” his pace faulters and he chases his orgasm quickly drilling into you as his fingers dig even further into your hips. Josh moans lowly as his cock throbs and spurts his cum, painting your walls. 

“Fuck…” he drapes his body over yours, his forehead resting on your back.

Gently he pulls out his softening cock, hissing at the cool air. He peppers kisses on your back before guiding you to lay on your side. You giggle as your limbs feel like wet noodles.

“I'm ready for a nap now,” you told him sleepily. Sex always relaxed you and made you tired, but even more so now that your body has been making a little human.

“Rest baby, I've got you.”

Josh pulls you into his chest, ready to indulge in a nap himself.

After just shy of a two hour nap you wake up feeling gross and sticky still laying on the blanket that housed your mess.

You tap on Josh's chest trying to wake him as he continues to snore away. He quickly intakes a breath of air,” Hi baby. Sleep good?”

You laugh gently at his quick response as if he wasn't in a deep sleep, “ I did, but we're all gross I need a shower”

You raise up slowly and scoot to the end of the bed trying to maneuver your body out.

“Do you want my help?” Josh asks, watching you struggle, silently wishing you could remove and reattach your baby bump when convenient.

“No, if I can't do it now, I'm going to be SOL when she gets bigger.” You tell him, sitting on the edge of the bed catching your breath a bit.

He smirks to himself at your independence, guessing that his daughter will take after you in that aspect.

Josh follows you into the bathroom and turns the shower on nice and hot. He sits down on the covered toilet seat watching you as you admire your bump in the floor length mirror.

He furrows his brow and asks,” What's that?” Pointing to the little black and blue marks on each of your hips framing your stomach.

You blush slightly, “ They're bruises.”

You walk over to where he sits as you know he's going to want to inspect them.

He traces his fingers over the purpleish dots, “ I did this? Are you okay? I'm so sorry baby, I didn't realize I was gripping you so tightly.”

He starts fussing over you, “ Joshy, it's okay! I like it. I liked how I got them and I certainly like seeing them. Don't get upset, please.”

He places his hands on your stomach and places his lips to the bruises on your hips, his facial hair tickling your skin, “ I love you so much”

He kisses each bruise before placing a kiss to your bump, and that's when he feels a small push against his palm and he freezes. His eyes grow wide and a smile grows on his lips,” Was that what I think it was?”

You can't contain your smile either as you lock eyes with him, “ That was a baby kick, honey. She kicked for the first time.”

He presses his lips against your stomach yet again,” Hi my little Sunshine, I felt you! Daddy loves you so,so much. I can't wait to meet you.”

Josh stands and wraps you in his arms,” God, I can't wait to meet her, and hold her against my chest.”

“You know, we still have to name her.”

Josh scoffs lightly, as if you didn't know already, “ Her name is Sunshine. She's the light of my life, I think it's fitting.”

“Joshy, no, that's too peace and love and all that.”

He shrugs his shoulders, “ I'm going to call her Sunshine regardless.”

You roll your eyes lightheartedly as you step into the shower, him following right behind.

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

Josh and Jake were always going over to one another's house throughout the years you've known them, so it wasn't a surprise when you came home from the grocery store to see Jake strumming a guitar on your couch.

He set the guitar down,” Hey Y/N, do you need help with bringing in the bags?”

You sat down onto the couch next to him, “ Actually, yeah if you could. Shopping really took it out of me.”

Without another word he got up and went to retrieve your groceries.

Josh came back into the living room with two cocktails in his hand,” Hey baby, that was quick, I'm glad you're home.”

Jake came back in, armloads of plastic grocery bags in his arms,” Yeah, he wouldn't stop checking his phone, he was very worried about you going to the store by yourself.”

Josh opens his mouth to protest, but couldn't find the words since Jake was right.

Jake turns his attention to you, sitting back down on the couch to your right as Josh sits to the left, “ How have you been feeling,Y/N?”

“Not too bad, mostly just tired. I'm officially 5 months along now, I feel like she's getting bigger every day.”

Jake chuckles lightly, “ I mean, she kinda is isn't she.”

Josh sets his drink down and moves his hand to lay flat against your bump, “ The other night we felt her kick for the first time and it was the coolest thing Jake.”

Jake smiles at his twin.

“ Come on Sunshine, I know you want to kick your little feet out for us,” Josh cooes.

“Babe, I don't think she's going to do it on command.”

As the words leave your mouth, you feel your baby press on the right side of your stomach. Quickly you grab Jake's hand and press it over the area she's nudging, next to Josh's palm.

“Holy shit,” Jake whispers. His eyes widen as he looks at Josh. You notice Jake's eyes soften and he leans in and places a gentle kiss on your temple. He looks at you, “ You're so beautiful,” his gaze shifts to your stomach and then to Josh,” This is so beautiful. Thank you for letting me experience this with you.”

“Jake-” you start.

“I just, I just love you guys okay?”

He removes his hand from your stomach and you wrap your arms around him instead, “ She's going to love you so much, you're her Daddy's other half.”

Pulling away from you slightly, he wipes his under eyes, “ Damnit Y/N, don't make me cry.”

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

It was later on in the evening after Jake left to go back home to his love Sevda, when you decided to make a quick pasta dish for dinner. 

You were sauteing the onions and garlic on the stove when you felt Josh's hands wrap around your frame and settle on your stomach. He rests his chin on your shoulder as his fingertips work their way underneath your shirt caressing your skin softly.

“Hey Mama, dinner is smelling really good,” he murmurs into your shoulder, “ I've been doing some research.”

You cock your head, turning to look at him before adding the tomato sauce into your pan,” Research? What for love?”

He rubs gentle circles over your bump as he continues speaking,” Well baby, you've made me quite aware that you aren't thrilled with the idea of Sunshine being her legal name.”

“Right.”

“So I've been scouring the Internet for names that mean Sunshine, and I've found the perfect one for our baby.”

“ The perfect one? Let me hear it.”

“ It's a Polish name meaning serene, shining light, or sun ray.”

“ Joshy, tell me the name!”

“Halina.”

You smiled immediately, you imagined your daughter, beautiful brown eyes with a smile just like her father's, Halina.

“It's beautiful. I love it babe.”

“ You do?”

You turned to face him,” I really do. It's a beautiful name, you picked it with so much care. And besides, you're going to call her Sunshine anyway.”

He chuckles, “ You know, you're probably right.”

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

Months slipped by in the blink of an eye, quicker than you had ever thought possible. Your bump had grown substantially, causing every other part of your body to be in pain. Your hands flew to your back as you pushed yourself the best you could to stand from where you were perched on the couch. Josh's eyes never leaving your form as you waddled somewhat uncomfortably down the hall.

“You okay?” He called, flashbacks of the night prior dancing in his head, not wanting to upset you if you weren’t in need of help. 

“Just wanna bath is all.” You called back, trying to stretch out your sore body the best you could. In the blink of an eye Josh was at your side, helping to lower your body down onto the closed toilet lid before he went to work drawing you a bath. You watched on with adoration in your eyes, the man taking the best care of you. 

“I can do it Yknow.” You grumbled, fighting for every ounce of independence you could still grasp onto. He rolled his eyes softly, pouring a cap full of your favorite bubble bath into the stream of the faucet. 

“I know you can but I don’t want you to. C’mon, up.” He chucked, holding his hands out for you to grab and hoisted yourself up with his help. Josh made quick work of stripping your clothes, making a point to fold them neatly and place them on the toilet lid - the comfy clothes being the only clothing you felt comfortable in. 

Josh helped you step into the tub, holding your hand securely. A soft sigh slipping past your lips as you lowered yourself gently into the scalding hot water. Josh sat on the floor next to the tub, resting his arms against the cool porcelain and dipped the tips of his fingers just below the waters surface. 

“How was your day, darlin?” Josh drawled, his mind wandering as you told him about the chores you completed and how many times Halina damn near made you throw up. His eyes remained locked on your side profile and he bent forward slightly, plucking the folded wash cloth off of the side of the tub and dunked it into the water, laying the now warm cloth over your bump. A sigh escaped you as the cloth warmed your skin and you reveled in every palm full of water he trickled over the cloth. 

“She’s kicking, she likes that.” You cooed, reaching out to wrap your hand around Joshs’ wrist and placed it flat against your bump, giggling as she kicked right in the middle of his palm. 

“You kicking daddy, Sunshine? Don’t worry I’m keeping mama warm so you stay warm.” He chuckled, rubbing his hand over the washcloth to create a little more warmth. Your eyes fluttered shut, enjoying the way Joshs hand felt against you. 

“You’ll never guess what Sam did today,” Josh started, slowly spiraling into a soft rambling about his day at the studio. Sam’s shenanigans causing giggles all around while Jake - ever the business man - lost his mind because they were too busy playing around. Your head started to twinge, too many thoughts whirling about it, and Joshs voice wasn’t helping your head.

“I love you babe, but can you just shut the hell up for one god damned minute?!” Your voice was louder than you meant for it to be, the words echoing off of the bathroom walls as they slipped past your lips. Joshs eyes grew wide and his shoulders trembled as he pulled back slightly and he averted his gaze to the water. He continued to gently trickle warm water onto the washcloth covering you. 

“I… I’m sorry.” You mumbled, your bottom lip matching the quiver of your voice as your eyes filled with tears. Pushing yourself to sit you turned your head in his direction and placed a soft kiss to his forehead. Josh nodded slightly and pulled back, reaching over for the hand towel hanging over the corner of the sink to dry his hands. 

“It’s okay, sweetness. I’ll go clean up and leave you alone for a bit if that’s what you want.” A soft but sad smile spread across his face as he reached out and placed a reassuring hand against your back. You shook your head vehemently, reaching out your damp hands to curl them into the fabric of his shirt and pulled him closer to you. 

“No! I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t mean to snap. My head it… there was just a really sharp pain went through my head and it felt like an ice pick.” You couldn’t help the tears that spilled over your eyelids as you buried your face in his chest. 

“What do you need, sweets? Do you want to get out and go lay down? Do you wanna stay here? Do you want me to leave you alone?” He kept his voice soft and sweet, knowing she needed the gentle nature rather than his upset. 

“Can you help me get out and maybe cuddle with me? Please?” You bottom lip jutted out in a pout as you held your hands out in his direction, a silent request for his help. He nodded again and stood, grasping onto your hands to steady you as you stood and wobbly stepped out of the tub. Josh wrapped the towel he had set aside gently against your shoulders and stepped aside for you to leave the bathroom. 

A sad sigh slipped past your lips as you perched yourself on the foot of the bed, your eyes never leaving Josh as he made his way over to your nightstand and grabbed your favorite lotion. Tears prickled the backs of yours eyes as you realized that he was going to rub your legs, lotioning up the already soft skin - something you felt you didn’t deserve after snapping. 

“You don’t have to.” You mumbled, wrapping the towel you held even tighter around your shoulders. Josh shook his head gently and made his way over to you, tossing the bottle of lotion down next to you and let the rest of your clothes fall to the bed, holding your shirt in his hand. 

“Here, let me help you before you get cold.” He mumbled, crumpling the shirt up in his hands and slipped it easily down over your head, pulling it out so you could slip your arms into the sleeves. Your bottom lip sat in an almost permanent pout, watching as he knelt down in front of you and pressed a soft kiss to your bump, running the hands he had just covered in lotion over your now stretch mark covered skin. 

He sat back against his feet, letting his hands trail slowly down the length of your thighs, massaging the taut and overworked muscles. Your eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of his hands on you and you leaned back against your elbows, supporting your upper body weight as he slowly worked his way down the length of your legs. 

Josh fought the urge to press his lips against every inch of skin he could reach, opting to kiss up the length of your inner thigh. Your arms had finally given out and you laid spread eagle on the bed, exposing your center to his hungry eyes. He caved in to the primal urge burning deep in his chest and pressed a soft kiss to your core, pulling the softest gasp from your throat. 

He placed a kiss against your clit, pulling back just enough to sneak his tongue out and caress the sensitive bud of nerves with the tip of it, causing your legs to jolt. A soft chuckle rumbled in his chest as he slowly began to work over your core, paying close attention to your clit. Your hand snaked down towards where he was nestled and you threaded your fingers through his hair, holding him in place as he worked his tongue in tight figure eight patterns around your clit. The build up in your stomach tightened quickly, the sensitivity from the hot water you had been soaking in still clinging to the bundle of nerves. 

With one flat lick of his tongue from your entrance to your clit, your legs wrapped around his head of their own accord as the band in your stomach snapped and your orgasm washed over you in waves of pleasure. A soft smile spread across your face as he removed himself from your core and wiped his mouth on the towel you had once been wrapped up in. Josh made quick work of slipping your underwear and pants back onto your body and stood, holding his hands out to help you sit back up. 

“Scoot up, let’s get some rest, okay?” Josh cooed, place a soft kiss to your waiting lips. You did as you were told and slowly made your way up to the the top of the bed. Josh made his way around to his side and laid down, reaching his arm out for you. Slowly you curled up against his side and pressed a soft kiss to the side of his neck. 

“I’m sorry for snapping.” You mumbled, fighting the new tears that were prickling at your eyes at the thought of yelling at him. Josh shook his head pressing a soft kiss to your temple. 

“Shhh, get some sleep my girl, you need every wink you can get.”  

With that you kept quiet as your breathing eventually evened out and you slipped into peaceful slumber while his fingertips traced patterns up and down your spine.

Fin.

Part 3.

[kaciidubs]

Camboy!SKZ Headcanons | Hyung Line

❣ Summary: What it would be like if the SKZ boys were camboys? An idea brought on by @onmykneesforchanlix ❣ ❣ Warnings: Camboy AU, kink discussion [daddy kink], sex toys ❣ ❣ Additional Tags: Slight crack energy, Chan is referred to as Chris, Changbin is a gym buff ❣ Maknae Line ❣ Stray Kids Masterlist ❣ General Masterlist ❣

Chris

His username would be something painfully simple, like cb97xx or xxWolfChanxx, he’s never escaping the early 2000’s username tropes, I’m sorry.

Started camming to save money for music tech, and he was gonna quit once he earned enough money but he slowly found himself getting hooked on the praise of thousands of unknown faces.

At first he didn’t show his face, keeping the content to shoulders and below, but one night he gets up to turn the stream off and they catch a glimpse of his lips and there’s a rapid fire of tips flooding in;

Would give anything to have those lips on me

What the fuck what the fuck??? Those lips?? So biteable??

Bubblegum pink, new favorite color

From then on, he kept his camera at an angle just high enough to keep his lips in frame.

Definitely finds himself pandering to the daddy kink side of the internet and ends up developing the kink for himself [this is a lie, he knows he’s had it since before the cam boy streams, but who really needs to know that?].

Loves when his fans comment on how good his hands look bc he doesn’t find them appealing himself, but if hundreds of people are begging him to choke them, how could he deny it?

Paints his nails by the recommendation of his subscribers each month, and it turns him on even more when he’s camming and jerking off with his freshly dried polish.

Wants to grow his community and isn’t shy about collaborations with other creators because baby boy is just a social butterfly - no matter if they’re clothed or naked in front of thousands.

Ultimately treats his lives like a genuine livestream, even if his dick is leaking precum in his fist.

Minho

First off; username is leeknowswho, convince me otherwise - man did not care about his username in the slightest

Only made an account to support his other streaming friend, quokkasungie

But when he saw the money he was raking in, he decided to throw his hat into the ring because “Getting off in front of a camera? How hard can it be?”

Spoiler alert - very.

Extremely, when you don’t even use a webcam.

The first few streams were experimental, a black screen with the subtle sound of him jerking off and breathing into the mic - that is, until he read out a chat asking for a description.

“What? So needy you can’t imagine it for yourself?”

Apparently the chatter liked that, and so did a grand number of people after that on his next stream.

Thus, the leeknowswho degradation corner was born, and it’s been a hit for two years and growing.

Constantly teases his viewers, toying with them that maybe one day he’ll turn on his camera, and even going as far as setting a donation goal for him to do so - but the limit is never reached since he often takes part of the money to donate to charities.

“You’d rather see my dick than an organization help get stray kittens off the streets? Yet I’m the fucked up one?”

Sometimes he goes live and doesn’t even jerk off, just doing an asmr stream teasing and degrading and toying with his fans, getting a kick out of the ones actively using his voice to get themselves off.

He’s a menace but the people love him.

Changbin

BinnieDwekki or Dwekkisgym, I really can’t decide but he definitely gives off cute username vibes.

Genuinely wanted to use the platform as a way to document his growth from working out, but of course using a camboy website probably wasn’t the way to go about it.

Has a whole room for his setup - though in reality it’s just his in-home workout room, but who really needs to know the truth - and takes pride in showing off his whole body.

He worked hard for those muscles, why wouldn’t he want to flex in every angle?!

Blushes at the chat messages where people say they want him to choke him with his biceps, or squeeze their head between his thighs until they pop like a watermelon.

Blushes even more at the chats praising his physique and wondering how someone with such a cute face could have such a killer body.

The first time he pulled his dick out on stream was when he was showcasing some of the workouts he does on the daily; the adrenaline and built up energy from his preworkout giving the chat a glorious reveal of the thick outline in his compression shorts.

Fuck choking me with your arms, choke me out on your cock

There wasn’t much left to the imagination, and with the addition of that chat message he figured that maybe taking care of the problem on stream wouldn’t be a bad idea.

And boy, was it the best decision he’d ever made.

If his fans weren’t on board for the strained grunts and breathless groans from him working out on camera, then they definitely were for the dick that looked just as beefy as he was.

His version of being a camboy is probably the most wholesome out there, ranging from motivational talks and advice moments [while shirtless, of course] to being stark naked and jacking off after a live workout session.

Hyunjin

Another one who signed up with intent - and hear me out.

He wanted to use the money to help get him into art school, but after seeing his first major check after the span of a few months, he figured he could get on well without it.

Username is princehhj, he knows how to pander to his features which helped him grow a fanbase like it was nothing.

Has been camboying the longest out of the hyung line.

He also has a set for his streams, but it’s just a corner of his art studio where he has a cozy little couch where he can stretch out on [in more ways than one].

His streams usually involve toys of various types; silicon grinders, fleshlights, buttplugs, dildos - his collection isn’t one to joke about, only using his hand got boring after the first week of streaming.

Most of the time he doesn’t even have to be doing anything explicit, simply sitting there with his pretty black hair tied back into a ponytail, a bottle of lube and a toy or two sitting right beside him is enough for the donations to come rolling in.

His favorite toy to use is his tenga egg - the stretchy plastic egg fits perfectly in his palm and doesn’t take too much concentration to use, which makes it easier for him to read his chat and reply as if he’s not touching himself.

Aside from the toys, however, he may also have one or two sets of lingerie that he brings out on milestone streams as a treat to the scream [and himself]. Nothing too wild, just your simple lace panty set and garters, and the chat goes wild for it.

Can you truly blame them though? He’s the prettiest prince out there.

❣ Any type of feedback is appreciated! Whether it be a simple like, reblog, or keyboard smash and the most essay-like comment, feel free to share your thoughts. ❣

[oathkeeperoxas]

I watched and ranked every Tom Cruise movie so you don’t have to

Simple premise: 45 movies. One actor. Ranked from worst to best, on a sliding scale of -2 to 6 (scoring will make sense as you read).

Technical score is judged on how well the plot is constructed and how well the characters grow and serve their role in the narrative throughout the movie, as well as how well the narrative is written. Enjoyment score is judged on how much I liked the movie: no stars = didn’t like, 1 star = like, 2 star = really like. Bonus star is awarded at my discretion, for reasons such as costuming, soundtrack, particularly stand out acting, etc. Sexism modifier is a negative if women are treated badly, but can add an extra point if the movie gives women their rights. Overall score at the end determines where they sit in the rankings of this post, with movies having the same score in the order I liked them most.

Vanilla Sky (2001) – David Aames (Starring)

One sentence summary: A man’s reality begins to warp and he is forced to question what is real, and what isn’t.

Technical: -

Enjoyment: - 

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: 💥💥

Review: This is a bad movie. Weird acting throughout. Nonsensical plot. Terrible treatment of the women. Definitely the worst movie Tom Cruise has starred in!

_

Tropic Thunder (2008) – Les Grossman (Supporting)

One sentence summary: Five actors who are filming a war movie are dropped into a real war zone completely unaware, and must use their wits to escape back to their movie set.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: 💥

Review: LOTS of choices made in this movie! Very few of them good! Why was RDJ in blackface? Was I supposed to find this entertaining? Was any of this necessary? Doubtful. Jack Black and Jay Baruchel had great comedic presences, and honestly the acting and casting was spot on for what the movie wanted, which is why I gave it one technical star.

_

Endless Love (1981) – Billy (Cameo)

One sentence summary: A teenage romance goes wrong when a boyfriend burns down his girlfriend’s house in an attempt to win the approval of her parents.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: 💥

Review: They made movies differently in the 80s, I think. The plot is insane, the main characters unrelatable – or maybe I’m just too long out of high school. In any case, this was Tom Cruise’s debut film, and he did it in booty shorts while advising his friend to pretend to set his girlfriend’s house on fire, leading to him actually setting his girlfriend’s house on fire, and it was the best part of this movie. What a way to start a career.

_

The Mummy (2017) – Sgt. Nick Morton (Starring)

One sentence summary: After disrupting a tomb, Nick Morton (Tom Cruise) must defeat The Mummy.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: 💥

Review: Yeah… there’s a reason this movie is a meme. Cruise’s acting feels weak, the plot is verging on nonsensical, and the special effects made me laugh. A rare miss in Cruise’s later years of acting!

_

Mission: Impossible 2 (2002) – Ethan Hunt (Starring)

One sentence summary: Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) must stop a plague by teaming up with a thief who knows the man who intends to kick off the disaster.

Technical: -

Enjoyment: - 

Movie: ⭐

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: 💥

Review: One star is discretionarily awarded because it’s set in Sydney and I recognise a lot of the locations they filmed in. Though I have no clue how Luther was getting internet connection on a sheep farm out somewhere in western NSW. Did they have satellite internet in 2002?

_

Eyes Wide Shut (1999) – Dr. William Harford (Starring)

One sentence summary: After his wife confesses to fantasising about cheating on him, Dr William Harford (Tom Cruise) toys with the idea of actually cheating on her, and has an insane night out in the process.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: 💥

Review: Well SOMETHING happened in this movie. Hot tip, do not go into this one blind on Saturday movie night with your family in attendance. I think, personally, that Dr Hartford could have just sat down with his wife and asked her if she wanted to get into roleplay instead of doing all that. Also, did we really need to see Nicole Kidman pissing? I just really think that wasn’t necessary.

_

Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002) – Himself as Austin Powers (Cameo)

One sentence summary: Austin Powers must stop Dr. Evil from world domination by travelling back in time to 1975.

Technical: -

Enjoyment: - 

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥

Overall: 💥

Review: This is some blend of satire and crack, and I’m not really enjoying the flavour. Tom Cruise’s cameo is pretty funny, though.

_

War of the Worlds (2005) – Ray Ferrier (Starring)

One sentence summary: When aliens land and start destroying Earth, Ray Ferrier (Tom Cruise) must do all he can to keep his family alive.

Technical: -

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥

Overall: 💥

Review: Well… this exists, I guess. Some of these old sci fi novels should not be made into movies. They were not meant for the big screen. Not even Tom Cruise can save this one.

_

All the Right Moves (1983) – Stefen Djordjevic (Starring)

One sentence summary: After a disagreement with a teacher, Stefen (Tom Cruise) thinks that he might never get to college and never leave his hometown.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥

Overall: 💥

Review: This sure exists. Very unmemorable, even while I was watching it. Generic in music, plot, character, and romance. Anticlimactic ending too!

_

The Color of Money (1986) – Vincent Lauria (Starring)

One sentence summary: Vincent Lauria (Tom Cruise) tries to make money by playing pool, but is too good at it for the betting scheme his mentor attempts to set up in order to get rich.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥

Overall: 💥

Review: I will admit I found this movie fairly uninteresting, though I enjoyed Tom Cruise’s wild haircut. Nothing but respect for Vincent’s “Vince” shirt, however.

_

Days of Thunder (1990) – Cole Trickle (Starring)

One sentence summary: A street racer is pulled onto the Nascar track, where his attitude gets him into trouble with his team, other drivers, and the woman he’s interested in.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: ⭐ 

Review: Two sexism bangs for Nicole Kidman’s ‘romance’ scenes (girl why did you come back to do more movies with this man). The car racing is pretty cool though. I am partial to a good car race, I must admit.

_

Interview with the Vampire (1994) – Lestat de Lioncourt (Supporting)

One sentence summary: A vampire sits down with a reporter to tell the story of his life: one that starts with how he was turned into the vampire, and continues to the present day.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐ 

Review: Lots of stuff going on in this movie. However, mostly I agree with the well known review that spawned a thousand memes: “Not gay enough.”

_

The Outsiders (1983) – Steve Randle  (Supporting)

One sentence summary: Two friends are caught up in the complicated politics between the “Socs” and “greasers” gangs; when one friend accidentally kills a rival, they go on the run from the police before returning home to face court, their family, and the opposing gang.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐ 

Review: Patrick Swayze is kinda carrying this movie honestly. Though Tom Cruise’s denim on denim, wild accent, cake-stuffed-in-face beat ‘em up sure is a performance too. You can tell this is an old movie by how affectionate the boys were allowed to be with each other. Absolutely none of that around nowadays.

_

Mission: Impossible (1996) – Ethan Hunt (Starring)

One sentence summary: When his team of Impossible Mission Force agents are killed, Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) must track down the person responsible. 

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: ⭐ 

Review: While there are many (many, many, many) liberties taken with reality in order for this movie to be made, it is iconic for a reason. That being said, the wild subplot of Ethan’s tutor trying to set Ethan up with his wife sure was something! Bonus points for starting such an iconic franchise and, of course, the spy movie scene of dropping from the ceiling and barely not hitting the floor.

_

Magnolia (1999) – Frank T.J. Mackey (Supporting)

One sentence summary: I don’t know how to summarise this movie. Taking suggestions from the audience.

Technical: ⭐⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: ⭐

Review: I don’t know how to review this movie. Was NOT expecting the frogs, that came out of left field to be sure. I think Kubrick’s vision passed me over. Anyway, two sexism bangs for having Tom Cruise invent the incel motivational speaker 😭

_

Born on the Fourth of July (1989) – Ron Kovic (Starring)

One sentence summary: Ron Kovic (Tom Cruise) signs up to the Army, fights in the war, and deals with the repercussions when he comes home.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐⭐ 

Review: This movie suffers from the same problem that all movies which are ‘true stories’ have, which is that life rarely neatly fits into a narrative structure, but it manages fairly well anyway. Bonus points given for the BTS trivia that apparently Cruise asked to be injected with some drug that would temporarily paralyse him so he could experience what it was like to improve his acting??? Cruise’s insurance company wisely refused to let him do this.

_

Minority Report (2002) – John Anderton (Starring)

One sentence summary: In a future where murderers are arrested before they commit their crime, Chief John Anderton (Tom Cruise) is predicted to kill a man he’s never met – and must escape his own police force in order to prove his innocence.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐⭐ 

Review: I had to watch this about 10 times in high school so I was hesitant to come back to it now, but it’s an okay watch when I’m not discussing its contribution to dystopian literature.

_

Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023) – Ethan Hunt (Starring)

One sentence summary: On the hunt for the two parts of a key which will allow him to control a new AI threat, Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) must sacrifice in order to save the world.

Technical: -

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: -

Sexism: ⭐

Overall: ⭐⭐

Review: Media very rarely gets plots around AI right, and this one unfortunately misses the mark. It asks no new or interesting questions about how AI is being used or will be used in our modern world, and seems to take a detour from previous Mission Impossible films in terms of tone and consistency of plot. However, Haley Atwell slaps absolute ass, and there are genuinely funny and enjoyable scenes scattered at random throughout the movie, so it definitely could be worse.

_

Legend (1985) – Jack (Starring)

One sentence summary: After a princess plunges her kingdom into endless winter, she must reverse the curse to save the land.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: ⭐

Overall: ⭐⭐

Review: A win for diversity! The princess almost ends the world, and also is allowed to save it! Special effects were pretty decent for the mid-80s, even if the plot was a bit basic. Seeing Tom Cruise go all Tarzan and also have a sword was very good, however.

_

Oblivion (2013) – Jack Harper (Starring)

One sentence summary: Jack Harper’s (Tom Cruise) mission in life is to protect the last of humanity – or so he thinks.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: -

Sexism: -

Overall: ⭐⭐

Review: Morgan Freeman steals the show here. I enjoyed the plot twist both at the middle and the end of the movie, and the ending scene wrapped everything up emotionally. 

_

American Made (2017) – Barry Seal (Starring)

One sentence summary: Barry Seal (Tom Cruise) works triple time for big money while dodging the law, taking aerial photos for the CIA, smuggling cocaine into the USA for the Medellín Cartel, and delivering guns to the Nicaraguan Contras based in Honduras.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐⭐ 

Review: A movie that’s “based on a true story” and which does it right. The informational sections were balanced neatly with the character development and exploration of what this amount of money might do to a family. 

_

Rock of Ages (2012) – Stacee Jaxx (Supporting)

One sentence summary: Two burgeoning singers meet at a rock bar, which needs to put on a hell of a show in order to avoid closing down.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥

Overall:  ⭐⭐

Review: Extra points for the killer soundtrack. Otherwise, this movie is fairly unmemorable. Tom Cruise’s hairstyle sure was a choice though!

_

Taps (1983) – Capt. David Shawn (Supporting)

One sentence summary: When the students of a military boarding school hear that their school is to be shut down, they stage a protest that rapidly spirals out of hand.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐⭐ 

Review: It’s hard to have sexism in a movie where there are literally no women, so this one is getting a default 💥. Other than the fact that women don’t exist, this was a pretty good movie, with the extra star granted for the depth of character portrayed, Tom Cruise’s buzzcut, and the acting of all the younger kids on set. 

_

Rain Man (1988) – Charlie Babbitt (Starring)

One sentence summary: After his father dies, Charlie Babbitt (Tom Cruise) discovers he has a brother after he inherits everything in his father’s will. 

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐⭐ 

Review: I really liked how this movie showed that despite how money-hungry Charlie Babbitt originally appears, he goes through an entire journey where he realises how important family is – no matter what form that takes. To see a main male character reflect and regret on his poor relationship with his father and also express the ups and downs of other emotions throughout this movie is refreshing, and Tom Cruise does an excellent job at portraying the journey taken. While it’s obvious he prefers action movies, I actually think Cruise’s true strength is in the dramas he does.

_

Top Gun (1986) – Lt. Pete "Maverick" Mitchell (Starring)

One sentence summary: Pete Mitchell (Tom Cruise) attempts to prove that he’s the best Naval Aviator by winning the Top Gun trophy, and also by winning the heart of his teacher too.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: ⭐⭐

Review: Wow. There’s a LOT going on here. It’s impossible to discuss Top Gun without mentioning the blistering sexism that pervades this movie, but since it’s about the Navy in the 80s, no one should be surprised it’s there. However, it also manages to be one of the gayest movies of the decade. Contains multitudes! Bonus points for Val Kilmer’s amazing performance and the insane homoerotic tension that is as inextricable from this movie as the sexism is.

_

Valkyrie (2008) – Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg (Starring)

One sentence summary: Before D-Day, a plot to kill Hilter from within the German government unfolds.

Technical: ⭐⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐⭐⭐

Review: Full of tension and drama, this is a ‘based on a true story’ movie that’s done right (probably because liberties were no doubt taken). A different type of WWII movie, I definitely liked this one. Bonus star for the set and costuming, which were truly excellent.

_

Lions for Lambs (2007) – Senator Jasper Irving (Supporting)

One sentence summary: Over 90 minutes in real time, 2 marines defend a position in Afghanistan, a Senator is interviewed on a new military strategy, and a college student decides if he’s going to commit to his classes or not.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: -

Overall: ⭐⭐⭐

Review: I’m not American, and it’s not 2007 anymore, but this still hit really hard. Excellent use of the real time narrative to drive the story home deliver the message to the audience.

_

Cocktail (1988) – Brian Flanagan (Starring)

One sentence summary: While attending university, Brian Flanagan finds work as a bartender to pay the bills before he finds the way he’s going to get rich – and finds friendship and love along the way.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: -

Overall: ⭐⭐⭐

Review: This soundtrack slaps, it’s a cute romcom, and there are cool bartending tricks scattered throughout. It also deals with some more serious topics, but these add to the depth of character and the main relationship to bring extra flavour to the movie.

_

Losin' It (1983) – Woody (Starring)

One sentence summary: Four friends travel to Mexico in order to party hard and lose their virginity.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐⭐

Bonus: -

Sexism: -

Overall: ⭐⭐⭐

Review: The second half of the movie is far better than the first, with a spiralling series of events that had me laughing at every new development. Tom Cruise playing the straight laced kid was a genius decision, and I can see why he repeated this type of role a few times in future movies. 

_

Far and Away (1992) – Joseph Donelly (Starring)

One sentence summary: Irishman Joseph Donelly (Tom Cruise) joins forces with Shannon Christie (Nicole Kidman) to cross the sea to America, where they aspire to travel to Oklahoma in order to start a new life, where land is being given away for free.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: ⭐

Overall: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Review: Very much the best of the movies that Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise collaborated on, I did enjoy this one from start to finish. The costumes are great, but the bonus points go to how bloody and beat up Tom Cruise consistently is in this movie. Yes, go and get back into that fighting ring again. It’s good for my health.

(continued in the next reblog because tumblr will only let me add 30 images per post)

[talesfrommedinastation]

My redneck neighbor Doug watches 'The Bad Batch': Pabu

So, maybe it's because the Razorbacks are currently up over the Tigers, which makes Doug's LSU loving self extra fired up this evening, but I have made the mistake of asking him again about his opinion on the episode after 'The Outpost', which was 'Pabu'.

He called this both 'HR Goes to Daytona' and 'Did I miss an episode?'.

Doug: Make sure you put one of my Baton Rouge boys on the internet too right now. GEAUX TIGERS.

CW: Doug insults everyone, everything, and is generally a cantankerous old jerk in this one. His wife should have unplugged his internet. Lots of adult everything, ranging from language to...well, if you're under 18, please be warned.

Prepare thyself, especially if you're a TechxPhee fan. The amount of angry emojis I got in the text messages were pretty wild.

----

'Pabu' aka 'HR Goes to Daytona'

Oh it’s Church Lady and it’s Sunday service. Why is little orphan blondie in the bar with her? Daddy Rambo has his knife but you know the man was plowing vodka out of sight here. He’s tired.

I thought he hated Church Lady? Did I miss an episode?

Ah, now Ryan-from-Accounting is playing solitaire. Atta boy, get your mind off the bitch wife Laura. If he makes out with that garbage robot I’ll throw up. 

Time to skee-daddle. Woah! Church Lady just grabbed Ryan-from-Accounting. That man looks terrified, probably because he found a Youtube video of her taking down muggers behind Manning's after a Pelicans game. Bitch wife Laura gonna blow a gasket.

But such is the way of the Church Lady, I have known many in my day. “I groped the hot new usher in Jesus’s house, but it’s okay, The Lord forgives”.

(praise the Lord and pass the Tabasco)

No, seriously, did I miss an episode? I feel like I did.  

Houma-BBQ bitch is bitching, as is her wont. I wonder what sauce her tail would taste best with. Carolina Gold? I’d cook her brisket style. Oh, wait, back to the show. 

And now they’re on paradise! Daytona Beach! Who is this guy, he looks like he used to play hoops now he plays how much dessert he can eat at Golden Corral. Props to him, that lava cake is gold. Hope Rex and Toaster Strudel are there.

Where are Rex and Toaster Strudel.

No, really, where are Rex and Toaster Strudel.

I’m getting real mad here, where are Rex and Toaster Strudel. 

CHURCH LADY, GET BACK IN YOUR SPACE UBER AND GO FIND REX AND TOASTER STRUDEL. I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR MUSEUM OF SHIT YOU FOUND IN PEOPLE’S BACKYARDS AND THE DUMPSTER BEHIND THE KEY LARGO PUBLIX, GO GET REX AND TOASTER STRUDEL.

SHOVE RYAN-FROM-ACCOUNTING BACK INTO THE DRIVER’S SEAT, PAY FOR HIS GAS, AND GO GET REX AND TOASTER STRUDEL. 

“You have some competition”. From what, there’s gonna be a hot dog eating contest or something? Why does Ryan-from-Accounting look so upset? 

(“I think they’re trying to set him and Phee up, Doug.” “What, when did that happen? Did I miss an episode?”)

Ryan-from-Accounting looks either sad or excited and I’m so confused. Maybe it’s because I’ve been married since before the dinosaurs but why is he either frowning and freaked out by Church Lady or smiling at Church Lady? Is he having a breakdown like my nephew did after he lost his job? Does Bitch Wife Laura know about this? Does he like Church Lady or is he planning on pepper spraying her? Did I miss an episode? Is this how the children flirt on the Ticky-Tack? No wonder y’all aren’t getting married any more. 

(“Doug, you did not miss an episode. And it is called Tik-Tok.” “I MISSED AN EPISODE. I KNOW I DID, AND IT IS CALLED THE TICKY-TACK!!!”) 

Ya know who would solve these questions? REX AND MOTHER LOVING TOASTER STRUDEL, WHO AIN’T HERE. THEY NEED TO BE HERE. WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THEM CHURCH LADY. 

Oh lovely, Hoops forgot to make a reservation at BoneFish, so they’re having his gas station sushi. Not one shrimp or crab on that table? Y’all Hoops is failing so hard right now, as a boy from Louisiana I’m just offended. His momma raised that man WRONG. 

You know who would love sushi on the beach while watching the sun set? REX AND TOASTER STRUDEL, and Daddy Warcrimes and Sassy Park Ranger too. 

I MISS SASSY PARK RANGER ALREADY!!!!!!

But no, Rex and Toaster Strudel are busy at work saving the galaxy while Julio and the gang throw back cocktails and stare at the sun like they dropped cheap acid they bought in a sketchier part of Biloxi. Which is all of Biloxi, I guess. 

Oh, and Ryan-from-Accounting is awkward around Church Lady and stares at his phone lest that Bitch Wife Laura of his get a snap of them sitting together and Little Orphan Blondie pets a monkey. I hope they all get food poisoning. I’m so mad.

They need Toaster Strudel the way I need FSU to lose this weekend, I have money on that game too. WHY IS ARKANSAS STILL UP IN THE SECOND QUARTER.

Ah, Little Orphan Blondie’s on a boat with her new buddy, that’s nice. If she doesn’t find Rex and Toaster Strudel out in the ocean with James Cameron I hope–oh, shoot, I was in the navy. I know what that water means. Oh boy.

Well bless Ryan-from-Accounting, he watches Big Tuna and knows how to do a rescue. Church Lady looks happy. He finally touched her, it only took a natural disaster and a whole lot of nagging on her part. Oh, poor Church Lady, you need a guy who actually likes you back. 

Seriously, why does that man look like the subject of them shitty videos HR makes us watch once a year so we don’t get sued? I don’t know, but I’m starting to understand why his Bitch Wife Laura is the way she is. I can’t believe the episode they filmed in Daytona makes me feel for her, but it do. 

(“Doug, you’re making up Bitch Wife Laura in your head. She’s not in the show.” “Well, it’s clear that I missed some episodes, so maybe I missed the Bitch Wife Laura ones.” “No, you didn’t miss any, I promise.” “Are you SURE?!”)

Man, the tsunami got people running like it’s Black Friday Wal-Mart in Tampa. But they rescued an old guy and Daddy Rambo got the stolen work truck working to rescue the kids. Hooray, I guess. 

You know who would have done a better job? Of all of this?

REX AND MOTHER-LOVING TOASTER STRUDEL. But they ain’t here!

(Doug's love for them runs hard and it runs deep, for which I can empathize)

You know who should have been on a beach horking down Mai Tais and getting into Church Lady and her handsy hands?

POOR POOR SASSY PARK RANGER. BUT HE DIED BACK IN WYOMING.  I bet he’d love a back massage from Church Lady too! He’d sass her, she’d sass him back, and they’d make out on the beach while Daddy Warcrimes played the saxophone behind them or something. I support that. I’d like that. He’s got brown eyes.*

Make it work, Star Wars, damn it. 

(Doug has unlocked a new rarepair, I guess: Mayday and Phee? WTF?)

Well they’re hanging out here in Daytona for the time being, I guess. Julio passed out under a tree like a drunk uncle at a cookout. Everyone's smiling.

I’d be smiling too, knowing that REX AND TOASTER STRUDEL ARE ACTUALLY SAVING PEOPLE WHILE YOU CLOWNS STOMP AROUND FLORIDA. 

Stop smiling at Church Lady, Ryan-from-Accounting! Is it because you finally filed HR complaint paperwork or because you filed for divorce papers from Bitch Wife Laura? Why are you smiling?! Church Lady belongs to Sassy Park Ranger! 

(“Doug…Sassy Park Ranger’s dead. He and Church Lady never met. You need to stop.” “IF THEY CAN BRING PALPATINE BACK, THEY CAN BRING SASSY PARK RANGER BACK TOO!”) 

*=I NEED FAN ART OF THIS NOW, please @amalthiaph! Help me out!

[thorn-walker]

I love how all Elden Rings demigods have issues, no wonder the Lands Between are a mess

From oldest to youngest we have:

Godwyn, who was the Ultimate Good Boi before he was assassinated by his half-sister. Decided to make it everyone's problem and now even Farum Azula, a city litteraly outside of land and TIME, is being invaded by stinky black thorns

Morgott, who was despised for the sole crime of being born with horns all over his body (which is supposed to be a natural thing within the crucible so. Yay). Forced to live in the sewers with his twin Mohg and for that only he deserves a fucking medal. I'd have gone Frenzied if it was me. Actual Best Boi, but litteraly died for a god and a cause who couldn't be bothered to give a shit. Have some self-respect man.

Mohg: same as Morgott, but he met a god who's into weird kinky bloody stuff and thought he was better than everyone else. Incel incestual p3do child abductor, I wish we could beat his ugly ass more than twice in the game

Rykard: we don't know much about him previous to being a giant-ass snake with lil wiggly arms, but he seemed to be a family guy (he has a portrait of his baby brother above his fireplace, how cute). Thought it was a good idea to be eaten alive by a snake and, inspired by Godwyn, made it everyone's problem. Eats people so they can DEVOUR THE GODS TOGETHAAAA

Ranni: chill now, but

1) she killed Godwyn, starting the spread of Deathroot and urging Marika to shatter the Elden Ring, so basically she was the spark that threw the Lands Between in a pile of shit (and Marika set the pile of shit on fire)

2) Killed her own flesh and now lives in a doll, raising an army of weird people all over the internet

3) stole Death from Marika's dobberman and gave it to already OP Mary-Sue assassins who now roam the lands more or less freely. Gurl wtf

4) Can and will sacrifice the ones she loves for her cause, meaning that she is 100% capable of doing the same shit as Marika. Wouldn't trust being her consort. Also have some respect for Blaidd and Iji ffs

Radahn: an other Good Boi who loves animals and his step-dad. Gigachad. Now his brain is rotting alive. Still able to retain fucking meteors while eating long-dead corpses like those fucking rotten stray dogs. Vivec could never.

Miquella: cursed to be a child forever. Seemed to have done a great deal to help his family, even Godwyn and possibly Ranni. Tried to recreate a God Tree but was kidnapped by his half-brother. Seems good on the surface but he gives me Griffith vibes and I'm terrified of Griffith.

Malenia: was born with the litteral God of Rot inside her body and takes it like a champ. Able to make you vomit your ass through your mouth while being blind and missing like 3 limbs. Was releasing the red pox on Caelid really necessary girl? Also why you sleeping instead of looking for Miquella?

[scmoobly]

REDACTED CHARACTERS BUT THEY'RE 'DUMB WAYS TO DIE' LYRICS

Set fire to your hair : Freelancer. Gavin teased them for it for a full week

Poke a stick at a grizzly bear : Huxley. Yes he respects nature but sometimes bro gets a little too inquisitive for his own good

Eat medicine that's out of date : babe. THEY'RE TIRED- STOP. functioning on 2 hours of sleep and a protein bar

Use your private parts as piranha bait : Xavier. The sacrificial lamb in every universe

Get your toast out with a fork : Angel. Self-explanatory

Do your own electrical work : Lovely. Vincent has to watch them like a hawk

Teach yourself how to fly : Vincent. Just making sure he actually can't shift into a bat-

Eat a two-week-old un-refrigerated pie : Asher. Again, Self-explanatory

Invite a psycho-killer inside : Darlin. Everyone is surprised this mfer is still alive

Scratch a drug dealer's brand new ride : guy. No one saw so he didn't do it-

Take your helmet off in outer space : Avior. Give this man a manual on what not to do in a different dimension I beg you please-

Use a clothes dryer as a hiding place : Sweetheart. I-

Keep a rattlesnake as a pet : Erik. Said rattlesnake: Echo

Sell both your kidneys on the Internet : Blake. He's stupid like that.

Eat a tube of superglue : Caelum. Sweety no that's not mayonnaise-

"I wonder, what's this red button do?" : Starlight. 😃

Dress up like a moose during hunting season : Aaron. This mfer is DEPRESSED- borderline suicidal-

Disturb a nest of wasps for no good reason : Kody.

Stand on the edge of a train station platform : Elliott. Accident prone-

Drive around the boom gates at a level crossing : Gabe 💀

Run across the tracks between the platforms : James. I can't decide whether this guy has the patience of a 100 saints or non at all.

[joelmillersdumbslut]

I took your matches before fire could catch me

(joel miller x f!reader) 18+ part one

summary: Who knew meeting Joel Miller on a dating app would turn into the world's worst first date? (no outbreak. no use of y/n) rating: 18+ explicit (minors do NOT interact) warnings (for this chapter): age gap (reader is in late 20's, joel is mid 50's), dirty talk, pet names, fingering, dubious consent, p in v sex, unprotected sex, daddy kink, drinking, hand kink, referenced cheating, degradation, angst, orgasm delay/denial. word count: 2.4k a/n: this is my first ever fic, please be gentle :')) a03 link

Another Friday night with a bottle of wine and shitty reality tv to keep you company. It suddenly hits you. Pangs of loneliness. You’re nearly 28 years old and you’re destined for the single life. Relationships never seem to last with you, or at least make it past the honeymoon phase. You take a sip straight from the bottle as you curse the boys who pretend to be men. The ones who’ve fucked you over, the ones who “aren’t ready for a relationship” after declaring their love for you and fucking you for six months, but will change their status and post a picture on Facebook with their arms wrapped around a new woman days after your breakup. When will it be your turn?

You’re soon drunk enough to make questionable decisions. You download that new dating app your friends keep gushing about. Lily. You tap on your phone screen, a picture of a flower loading up with the catchphrase “Are you ready for your love to bloom?” You groan at that alone, tempted to turn right around and delete the app already. But, something inside you tugs at you to give it a try anyway. You upload pictures, some selfies, some with friends, some candids at the beach, at a concert, at the park. Your bio is hard to come up with though. How can you use 400 characters to describe yourself to a stranger? You settle with including your name, a generic title of your occupation, some of your hobbies, and ending it with an open invitation for drinks. There. Easy enough, right?

Now, it’s time to swipe. Apparently when you like someone’s profile, you send them a virtual flower. A lily, to be exact. In order to message someone, they have to send you a lily back. You start to wonder if this app can get any cornier when your first profile appears in the queue. He’s an older man. 56 to be exact. You don’t remember setting an age limit, but you’re intrigued by his handsome appearance. His dark hair appears to be graying, his brown eyes sinking into you from beyond the screen. You swipe through his profile. He has nothing written so you have to guess his personality and hobbies from the pictures alone. There’s a picture of him with a teenage girl. Maybe his daughter? Another one of him playing guitar. Maybe he likes music. Maybe he’s a rockstar. He looks rugged enough to be one. A picture of him sitting at a table in red flannel with a beer in hand, a small smile emerging from behind his facial hair. He’s… hot. And too old for you. Fuck it. You send him a lily. Then you throw your phone down and pace all night wondering if he’ll send you one back.

In the morning, you're matched with Joel.

—

You ask Joel out for drinks. Immediately within your first message. All the dating advice given to you by the Internet says not to wait. Get to know someone as fast as possible for best results. No time to get attached if it doesn’t work out. You’re not much of a texter anyway, so you ask him if he wants to grab some beers at your favorite dive bar. You hate beer. You hate dive bars. But, you’d be willing to drink a thousand pale ales if it meant you got to share this attractive man’s air supply.

Joel simply says, “Yes.”

—

You realize you stand out at the bar. And not in a good way. You wanted to wear something to reflect your personality. So, you picked out a baby pink bodycon dress that stops at the middle of your thighs. You paired it with your favorite white ankle strap heels. Perfect for a night club. Not for meeting a middle aged dad at a dive bar. You decided you’d worry about that later.

You’re early. Like always. You belly up to the bar, unsure of what to order. You assume they don’t have your favorite brand of white wine, so you ask for your dad’s go-to. Whiskey on the rocks. It’s bitter, and you begin to gag as a man comes up behind you, resting his hand on the small of your back. The smell of sandalwood and dirt pierces your nostrils. You turn to see Joel. He’s wearing jeans and that red flannel from his picture.

“I like women who can hold their liquor,” he states, looking you up and down.

“Well, that’s not me,” you wince, eager to change the subject. “You must be Joel?”

You choose to go for a hug, he holds out his hand instead. The two of you stare at each other, reaching a stalemate, the jukebox in this shitty ass bar blasting a country song you hate. You shake his hand. Noticing his fingers are rough, calloused, and thick. Probably from the guitar playing. Maybe he really is a rockstar.

You sit down on the bar stool, crossing your legs as best as you can. It’s probably not wise to flash a man on the first date. Joel requests a beer from the bartender, and the two of you look anywhere but each other. You start to ask questions.

“So. You play guitar?”

“Yeah.”

“What music do you play?”

“All kinds.”

“Okay. What’s your favorite song to play?”

“Don’t know.”

You pound back your whiskey, slam the glass on the counter, and motion the bartender for another.

“Is that your daughter in your picture?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s her name?”

“Sarah.”

“Oh, that’s nice. How old is she?”

“Sixteen.”

“Cool. You a single dad then?”

“Yeah.”

You squint at him. This is worse than pulling teeth without Novocain. You decide to launch the ball into his court.

“So. Is there anything you wanna know about me?”

“Yeah, actually. Ain’t you the one who fucked Tommy? While he was still married?”

Your skin ignited. The wind completely knocked out of you. How does he know about… that? How does he know about the guy you slept with one time in college? And even worse, does he know how much you enjoyed the affair, even though you ruined that guy’s marriage and, ostensibly, the rest of his life?

“I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about,” you muse, trying to keep your cool.

Joel slams the beer bottle on the counter, its contents flying out the neck and hitting your dress. You stand up, wobbly deer in headlights.

“How do you know?” is all you can whisper.

“Because he’s my brother.”

Tears began welling up in your eyes, your hands shaking. “I was 21, I didn’t know any better.”

“Whatever.” Joel says, turning away from you.

You grab your purse and sprint to the bathroom. Congratulations, you’ve just set a new record for the world's worst first date.

—

You stare in the mirror. Tears streaming down your face. Your makeup is ruined. You’ve accepted that. You’re so angry that this old memory is bubbling up to the surface. The one you’ve tried so hard to push down for the past six years. You met Tommy at a bar while out with your college friends. You noticed the wedding ring, the framed photos on the walls of his living room, but you fucked him anyways. And you left your underwear behind for his wife to find. You enjoyed every moment of it. You even got off to the memories of that one night stand for months after the fact. You’re a goddamn monster. You’ve accepted that.

But, what you can’t accept is that Joel just ruined your favorite dress.

You take a deep breath between sobs, scrounging through your purse for a Xanax. The bathroom door is kicked open, and you turn to yell at the intruder to get out.

But, it’s Joel.

You stare at him with a blank expression while he locks the door behind him. Something you were too distressed to do.

“What are you doing?” you whisper. “Haven’t you had enough from humiliating me in public?”

“No,” he exhales.

Joel quickly shoves you up against the wall. Your purse and its belongings clatter against the dirty floor. You gulp as his left arm leans against the wall, the other reaching up to caress your cheek.

“What was it like?” he asks.

“What was... what like?” you counter.

“Don’t get smart with me.”

You feel like you should be scared. But, you’re not. If anything, you’re super turned on right now while the brother of the man you had an affair with all those years ago begins to fondle you in the bathroom of a dive bar.

Joel’s right hand grabs your breast, he toys with it while staring into your eyes. You can’t help but moan and he pinches harder.

“Answer me,” he growls.

“It was… It was stupid. I was a dumb college girl and what I did was wrong.”

“Then, why’d you do it?”

You swallow. His hand moves down, brushing against your stomach, heading towards the hem of your dress.

“Is this how you treat every girl on the first date? Corner her and interrogate her li-li-like a creep?” you try to sound venomous, but your words are shaky. He notices.

“You can leave any time you want, babygirl.”

The word “babygirl” causes a sensation to ripple through your core. You feel a wetness spreading between your thighs. What the fuck is wrong with you?

You finally answer, “I just wanted his attention. I’ve always liked… Older men.”

Joel pauses, his hand hovering over your thighs. He meets your gaze again.

“Do you now?”

Then he pounces. Before you can even comprehend what’s happening, his fingers are inside your underwear, rubbing your clit. Your head hangs forward as you moan against his touch.

“That what you sounded like when Tommy touched you?”

“N-no,” you sputter, your hips bucking up involuntarily.

“I wanna hear what you sounded like.”

Joel spins you around so you’re facing the wall now, his fingers still groping your pussy. He hikes up your dress and pulls your underwear to the side.

“Wh-why do you wanna hear? You a pervert?” you shoot back at him, but your body betrays you and a gush of wetness secretes from between your thighs.

“You’re a naughty fuckin’ girl, you know that?” Joel mutters in your ear. You hear the sound of his belt unbuckling, something prodding against your back. Something big.

“Someone needs to teach you a lesson,” he adds, his fingers now tracing your entrance.

“For what? Fucking your brother? Sounds like someone’s jealous,” you spit. “Like you can still get it up anyway.”

And with that, Joel’s fingers pound into you, a whine fleeing your throat. It hurts at first, but the enjoyment you’re experiencing is quickly overpowering. You shudder at the way his fingers glide in and out of you at a rapid pace.

“Too quiet,” Joel grumbles, biting at your neck. “I wanna hear what you sounded like.”

“You wanna hear me? I’ll make sure everybody in the fucking bar hears me,” you hiss back at him and begin to wail with pleasure.

You quickly feel a pressure growing inside your lower belly. You feel startled, your hands grasping against the wall for anything to hold onto.

“Did Tommy make you cum like this?” Joel whispers in your ear.

You shake your head violently. How does this man know you’re so close already?

“Wanna hear you, babygirl.”

Fuck. There it is again.

You moan Joel’s name as loud as you physically can while your body tenses up and you ultimately surrender to its release. You glance in the mirror on the other side of the room. Watching yourself get finger fucked by this strange old man in a bar bathroom sends you over the edge. What kind of person have you turned into?

Before you can even catch your breath, you feel the tip of his cock plunging into you. You let out a yelp, and you feel Joel’s hand on top of yours. He’s still covered in your cum, and his fingers interlace with yours.

“If you can fuck Tommy, you can take daddy’s cock.”

Your eyes are nearly bulging out of your fucking skull. You try to distract yourself from how turned on you are, how your pussy is already throbbing for more. Especially at the mere mention of Joel calling himself, “daddy.”

“Daddy, huh? You really are a pervert,” you cough as Joel pushes into you.

“You need to be punished,” is all he says. You feel his cock sitting inside you, but Joel doesn’t move. You start whining, rocking your hips back and forth in an attempt to get friction, something, anything. Joel’s hands are immediately on your hips, forcing you to sit still.

“You ruined my favorite dress, the least you can do is make me cum,” you snap at him, squirming in place.

“And you ruined my brother’s life, the least you can do is take your punishment like a good girl.”

This was the most you’d heard him speak all evening. Was he really this hung up on something that happened years ago? And not even directly to him?

Before you can unleash another quip, a heavy groan escapes Joel as he begins to pump relentlessly. Guess he had enough of trying to punish you too.

“You’re a brat, you know that?” he snarls, his fingers digging into your hips again, bruises already forming underneath your soft skin.

“I always get what I want,” you murmur, feeling the pressure building inside you again. Your body starts clenching down on his, you begin to pant against the wall. You’re so fucking close.

“Don’t think so, babygirl,” Joel grunts, quickly pulling out.

Instinctively, you whine, and are about to call him a two pump chump when you realize he’s cumming all over your back. His sticky essence dripping down your skin. Your pussy throbs, dissatisfied with the neglect he gave you. Turning around, you see his pants already buckled again and he’s taking off his flannel, tossing it at you. Before you can process what is happening, you glance in the mirror realizing there are now not only beer stains, but also cum stains all over your favorite dress. You catch the shirt in your hands and stand there, mouth agape, as Joel leaves the restroom in a huff.

—

[j0kers-light]

Hi Chaos! MASSIVE FAN of your work!

A little headcannon/short story idea (If you find it suitable and to your liking, of course <3)

We keep on hearing of how y/n interacts on social media- but what about the Joker? Does he have a secret account for fun, does he stay away from it or is there a third alternative?

Bonus! (In honor of Spotify wrapped coming out): What type of music genre do you think the Joker enjoys listening to?

Hey hi anon!!! 🖤✨

wow, haven't had one of these in a hot minute. I miss answering anon... 🥺🥺ANYHOO!!!

THANK YOU FOR BEING A MASSIVE FAN! I LOVES YOU MUCH! *opens up my docs so I can work hard to make content for mi sweet loving anon*

Let's get into it! Straight to the point because I can go into heavy detail AND I WILL. I WILL GO INTO HEAVY DETAIL! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

First and foremost, Joker isn't addicted to modern technology like we are as a culture, this man is soooo old fashion it makes your eyes roll.

He doesn't see the appeal of TikTok or apps like Snapchat even if the filters make him all sparkly and look cool. He takes silly selfies with you if you beg him to and he lets you save some on your phone however; if he sees them anywhere else-- say goodbye to fun selfies forever!

He can't have any evidence of his real face floating around. Phones can be hacked! So you suggest Polaroids and Joker breathes a sigh of relief.

Get it? Polaroid? Just like in the infamous photo Joker snapped in the chapter Push and Pull! 🤭

If Joker uses any social media platforms, it’s in an anonymous fashion.

Joker is on Twitch because he's secretly a gamer but he doesn't use a cam. He loves stalking your personal blog and he's always going down a rabbit hole on YouTube.

You won't find him anywhere that requires a legal profile. Anything that can be traced back to him and most importantly you is a no go. He won't risk you being used as blackmail or worse.

He'll check your Patreon from time to time if you're a digital artist or something of the sort but other than that, his phone is used primary for communication with you.

Joker would rather leave behind sticky notes or his signature playing cards than send a text. He scatters the apartment with little love notes; it’s so corny but sweet.

Now on the other hand if you need assistance whether it be for a skit, making a reel, etc., best believe Joker will hold your camera for you, he'll help you edit videos, he’ll even direct the content so its the best on the internet!

He'll be so supportive if you're a content creator. Scratch that. Joker is supportive in everything you do!

Granted he doesn't understands a lick of social media or its lingo, he will go above and beyond to make sure your content is phenomenal.

Need a nice shot of the Gotham Bridge or a background of somewhere cool? Its mysteriously empty for your use...

Need good lighting for a quick reel? Joker is setting off explosions in the background. Fire is really good natural lighting... far better than a ring light. 👀

Whatever you need, say the word and its yours. Joker will get anything for his Light.

THAT BEING SAID! BONUS ASK ITS A TWO FOR ONE DEAL!

I think I answered a similar ask like this but I'll do it again because I love to answer questions!!

(I have a confession to make. I do not have a Spotify... so I can't do the viral wrapped thingy but I'm aware of it!)

I fully support Joker being older than you (teehee we stan mature older men around these parts!!)

That being said.. Joker grew up with good music like back when music meant something—not just mindless noise to add onto a video for likes.

He has an ear for jazz, crooner, classic R&B, and the occasional rock, heavy metal stuff if it has relatable lyrics (it channels his inner psycho don't judge him)

He cannot stand pop music or anything that's featured on the top 100's or played on repeat in a department store. He will stab someone over it. No questions asked.

If his Bunny is singing/dancing along to it he might make an exception because your voice is so soothing to him, it puts a different spin to the song. There's still a fifty fifty change he's tuning it out.

But he strongly believes all boy bands should be executed, no exceptions. That's where he draws the line.

Totally forgot I made a oneshot about Joker and music too!

Slippery When Wet lol...

Hope that answered your ask beloved! 🖤✨

[httpknjoon]

the house is on fire | ksj

plot | The best way to set a virtual fire is to suddenly take an unexpected break.

words | 1.2k+

genres | humor/crack, fluff, actors!au

pairing | actor!jin x famous!reader

note | usernames used in the fic are all fictional.  this was set in 2022. a subtle explanation of why the other drabbles are set from the previous years. let me know your thoughts! enjoy reading.

main masterlist | drabble series

It was the last week of February 2022. Just a couple of weeks after the successful release of From The Other Side, headlines about you surfaced the internet. Deadline reports:

Ana De Armas In, Y/N Exits Apple’s Chris Evans-Starrer ‘Ghosted’ With Dexter Fletcher Directing, Skydance Producing

This was not the first time you left a project. But it was still a surprise for your fans as this was one of the most anticipated films for 2023. Plus, you didn’t really shy away from showing your then-crush with the actor, Chris Evans.

@/GhostedMovieUpdates: According to Deadline, Y/N exits Ghosted with Ana De Armas replacing her. [insert link]

replying to @/GhostedMovieUpdates

-@/ynblueprint: NOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭😭😭

–@/c_evansfan: this is so sudden :(( filming abt to start in two weeks right??

@/frannystan: what do you mean y/n is leaving ghosted?!

@/purpleynjin: there’s no way this is because of ‘busy schedule’

replying to @/purpleynjin

-@/maybeitsme: ikr??? they’ve been wanting to work with each other for like months now

The only reason shared to the public was busy schedule. As usual, some believed it while others didn’t, making nonsense rumors out of it. Some made a joke that Jin probably stopped you from doing the film since you always joked about him being jealous with your infatuation over the other actor.

Just when March came by, you only posted a picture of Francheskat in Instagram without any caption. Just your sweet grey pet chilling in what seems like a big basket.

Then, another week passed, and there was another headlines with your name in it. And man, it’s like throwing a burning matchstick in gas. Collider reports,

Y/N Bows Out From Wes Anderson’s Upcoming Film A Month After Casting Announcement

@/thegreatyn: okaY WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

@/jiniuskim: oh my god yn is in her ross and rachel era

replying to @/jinuskim 

-@/heyyn: what do u mean

–@/jiniuskim: maybe she is ‘on a break’

@/YNUpdates: Don’t worry, loves. I’m sure Y/N has a great reason with all of this! 💗 Let’s just wait and please refrain from interacting with malicious rumors.

@/francheskat_update: Y/N (@/urfavecatlady) posted an Instagram story with Francheskat rolling around on her bed. [insert clip]

@/cha0ticynjin: the fucking fandom is on fire and yn is out here sharing francheskat contents 

In your years in the industry, this is the first time you reported two successive exits in your future projects. It seemed like you cleared out the productions that will begin filming this year. But fans are still hoping that you will still go on with your other projects that you signed on for 2022.

On the other hand, Jin is doing his own thing. He just finished filming for a Netflix limited series that would probably won’t come out until the end of the year. He didn’t really get to be active on social media too as he is doing press and promos for his upcoming movie, Nope. His last online activity was an Instagram story of him and Donny hanging out.

Y/N Deleted Her Twitter Account and PPL Are *Very* Concerned

The multi-awarded actress-songwriter didn't give a reason for the sudden departure from Twitter, but she's still keeping her fans posted

On Friday, in the same day as April Fool’s, actress Y/N deactivated her Twitter account. Y/N, 27, didn’t share any reason for her unexpected departure from the social media site.

Y/N’s name began showing up on the said platform’s trending list Friday afternoon when her fans learned her account “doesn’t exist”. Users posted screenshots of her account’s blank page that says, “Something went wrong, try again”.

This sudden move by Y/N fueled more confusion among fans as she also left a couple of projects just last month. Fans were left to solve to find out who or what is the culprit with Y/N’s recent exits. Some wondered if this is for a new career move, or perhaps a personal life event is going on. But whatever the motive is, it appears the actress won’t be updating via Twitter anytime soon.

The actress-songwriter-producer had a busy six years. Ever since the year of 2016, Y/N appeared in at least two movies annually. She has been The Highest Paid Actress in both 2020 and 2021. She also co-produced a couple of films and series. She’s been doing and attending charity works and events every year as part of her advocacy for children’s welfare. In addition, there is a rumor going around about Y/N planning to dive into entrepreneurship.

The Don’t Look Up actress’ social media presence isn’t completely gone. Y/N is still active on her Instagram account although she often only posts images of her iconic Persian cat, Francheskat. Other than that, her last non-Francheskat post is about her holiday celebration in South Korea. It was rumored that she flew across the world with her rumored boyfriend, actor Jin, and a few close friends.

“It was a well-deserved break.” a source said, pertaining to the Christmas and New Year celebration in the East Asian country. “Although the two are admired all over the world, the locals in South Korea were all respectful of their privacy, including their four friends who went with them. His family loved and welcomed her with open arms during their four week-stay.”

She shared images of the said trip on Instagram after her appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon earlier this year. When asked about the trip during the red carpet premiere of From The Other Side, she simply replied with a shy smile: 

“It was fun. Lovely.”

@/ynbestactress: OKAY SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING

@/cassiepyw: idk what to feel with any of this

replying to @/cassiepyw

-@/cassiepyw: i mean if this is for her own wellness then great but i’m really worried what’s going on

–@/YNEARRINGS: same 💔 she even left two projects

@/YNJINfilmss: now both my parents are not on twitter ☹️☹️

@/blueeyedsunshine: i swear if hailey have something to do with this, i’ll be standing at her doorsteps

@/YNJINUpdates: @/DonnyNextDoor you will be our reliable source of updates from now on 🙂😇

Just days later, you broke the silence by posting again in your Instagram stories. It was a black and white picture of clouds and written in the lower right corner of it was a simple text.

will be taking a break from everything. don’t worry, loves. will be back soon! love u all 🤍✨☁️🌹

That was the last time you alluded to your hiatus on Instagram. But ever since March 2022, you only posted two posts and rare Instagram stories (usually about the organizations you support). You also didn’t have any public appearances after that. Fans were worried and curious. Gossip about the same things floated around again: break-up, pregnancy, early retirement. And since you already showed your distaste over those kinds of news about you before, your loyal supporters worked together virtually to take down those articles. 

@/YNUpdates: Again, please avoid interacting with absurd articles. Let’s all respect Y/N during her break ✨🤍

And when Jin was subtly asked about you and your sudden hiatus during an interview for a magazine, his only reply was,

“She still sends me memes she sees online. So I can tell, she’s happy and well. I’m sure with a lot of free time in her hands now, she has a ton of pictures of Francheskat in her phone.”

additional note: send me an ask if you have questions for the a-listers! thanks for reading! <3

taglist rules

THE A-LISTERS TAGLIST

@seolaquotes @fatimaaaaa129 @bangtannieshope @jub-jub @yoontaethings @kissme-ornot @dayyy-siii @sleepy-daydreams @veronawrites @cuteipat @stoop18 @ratherbefangirling @babystarcandy-gcf @akirawhore @alpacaparkaseok @rjsmochii @prlan @lovesickbangtan @zealouslightcookiebasketball @rapmonie2047 @btsiguess-kpop @angelarin @walkinganxiety0 @tpwk-280 @mediumcatt @bloopkook @stopeatread @sahazzy @yoooonie @amara-mars @firesighgirl @zwiehe

PERMANENT TAGLIST

@dunixxd​ @cixrosie​ @moonchild1 ​ @jksjx​ @embrace-themagic ​ @buttvi @starbtslove​ @missseoulite @vanntaesworld @barbiekatz @pixybear

[moon-is-a-cryptid]

(AAH! I'M SO SORRY IF THIS IS A SPAM OR I SENT IT TWICE! MY INTERNET CUT OUT RIGHT WHEN I WAS ASKING SO I'M NOT SURE IF IT RECIEVED!)

Hey! could I request a short fic for Dabi x reader. Like a reverse comfort where Dabi (this doesn't have relevance, but white haired Dabi timeline wise) Is feeling down about the whole thing and he has a nightmare that he can't come out of. Reader has a quirk that allows her to enter peoples dreams and control their state of sleep so she finds him in the middle of a nightmare and she enters his nightmare to wake him up then she comforts him!

I'm really big on reverse comfort fics, but they are so rare for characteres I'm in love with I like!



I feel you on the reverse comfort😮‍💨 let’s see what I can tug out of my brain 🧠 I Hope this is to your liking! (it was sent twice yes lol)

My everything

⭐Pairing: Dabi x GN!reader

⭐CW: mentions/slight description of death, Nightmare

⭐type: reverse comfort, I made Dabi cry because the man needs a good cry tbh, fluff, I stopped playing animal crossing just to write this❤️‍🔥

Slowly your eyes pried open, the twitching of the blankets had awoken you. assuming the disturbance in the sheets was because Dabi had gotten up to leave, that's the only time he gets out of bed when you two have settled down for the night. Glancing at the clock on your nightstand it blared '5:26AM' in the bright digital numbers. furrowing your eyebrows you wonder why Dabi had been getting up, wiping sleep from your eyes as you sit up, your arm hitting against Dabis back 'he's still here?' you look over at him as he twitches once again. His snow-white locks stuck to his forehead in sweat, and he was turning back and forth mumbling incoherently. worry took over your face as you placed a hand on his sleeping form, shaking him slightly "Dabi? hon are you okay?" you say in a hushed voice still harsh from sleep. No answer from him makes your worry grow, it feels like a rock had hit the bottom of your stomach as you continue to lightly shake him with no response. his face had set away from his usual relaxed sleep to one of fear, though you couldn't see it in his eyes the way he started moving erratically alerted you, this wasn't a normal dream, he was having a nightmare.

You knew there was no way of waking him out of this, he had warned you when the relationship had begun this happens every now and then. a nightmare that ran through his fears that he could never wake up from. You deducted one option to help him. your quirk. reaching your palm up to touch his forehead you activate your quirk, and a flash of white crosses your eyes before you are met with pure chaos.

A forest fire speckled with blue and red flames burned before you. stepping forward into the flames you call his name "Dabi?!" rings out, and you push forward with no response before you come to a clearing. in the middle surrounded by Flames were Dabi and Endeavor. His back to you Dabi is on the ground on his knees Cradling something in his hands while his head hangs downward.

"you deserve nothing Toya, you are worthy of no love." Endeavor spat. the blue flames grew as a sob rumbles from Dabi he stands up still cradling whatever was in his arms "You're a monster, Enji" he sobbed out before turning around, you finally see what he is holding.

And he's holding you. cradled in his arms, bloody, lifeless, dead. Tears stream down your face as you sprint from your standing place. "DABI" you cried out, Dabi's sapphire eyes widen as the Y/N in his arms slowly dissipated, bloody tears streaming down his face as he runs towards you "Y/N" is all you hear as you collide in a hug.

Abruptly Dabi sits up in bed, hands shaking and heavy breathing his head whips around to you, sitting next to him with tears pricking your eyes. His hand make their way to cup your face "Y/n..." is all he can mumble as your hand comes to sit atop his on your cheek "its okay baby im here, im okay" you whisper. That's all he needs before pulls you in, arms around your waist and head against your chest. A heavy sob leaves his chest, and his grip tightens as if he was going to lose you the moment he loosens up. Wrapping one arm around his torso, your fingers running through his hair you let him sob. "its okay baby im still here" you coo to him your voice soft and smooth like the silk pillows you had been laying on minutes before.

The sobs died down before Dabi spoke "He found you after i had exposed him," he shifts in your arms so that you could hear him clearly. "He found out you were with me, gotten back by taking the only thing I cared about" his eyes met yours "he had taken my everything," he said so softly you could barely hear him. This was a side of Dabi you had never seen before, he was scared and vulnerable. the walls that he had built up around his feelings were crumbling behind his eyes. "That wont happen my love" You spoke, kissing him on the forehead. "No one in the LoV would let that happen, especially you"

Dabi relaxed at your words, you could feel the tension leave as he sat up out of your arms "I-I was so angry and upset" he stops knowing how vulnerable he is, a state he had never wanted to be in with anyone, but to him you were different. you were everything he cared about.

"If anyone does anything to you I-" you cut him off, knowing he was slowly going back to his asshole protective self "You'd bring the world down to its knees" a small smile places itself on your face "you better not tell anyone about this, or I'll throw you to the alley cats" you clap and stand up out of bed "And he's back! I'm changing my shirt" Dabi chuckles, as you change your shirt and lay back down. you can't help but notice he holds you a little closer and a little tighter after that night.

Dabis Tag list 🏷️: There's nothing here...

Masterlist📃

[dirtyoldmanhole]

SURPRISINGLY not about gunter. or fates. somehow this blog became 'fire emblem blorbo blog: speedwing* boogaloo' :P (*for those of you who are not like, ancient, "speedwing' used to be my old tellius-based sideblog.)

anyway

(very very very self indulgent ramblin / workshopping about future FE projects ahead)

next year's FE9's 20th anniversary and i am dead set on doing a zihark doujin for it. i got halfway through with one with tons of drawings that are still badass, lord knows that my fondness for him eclipses everything else i've ever drawn, i feel like i can finally do him justice, etc. this is The Moment tween krad has been waiting for all her life.

thing is i've been quietly debating to myself for a year or so if i want to do a strictly canon based doujin or one with selfshipper Stuff.

see, i thought i was going for more of a fanservice angle to sidestep that a little (still totally sliding that in whenever possible) but my brain unfortunately needs like a Modicum of Characterization :D; (as i am finding out with this gunter doujin). i need little plot hanger hooks even if it's gag strips or one off doodles.

and. i like. okay.

quick pros/con of canon-based doujin: wider audience, i don't have certian hangups over it

quick pros/cons of selfshipper doujin: it would probably heal certian parts of my soul if i wasn't being so chickenshit about it. it'd still be pretty? but it'd be harder to draw. i don't know if it would have a meaning to other than literally one (1) alive person and at some point i do have to kinda weigh the 'is the time sink worth it'

anyway

there's, very literally 20 years of inside jokes and shit with the selfshipper thing. i cannot stress to you zi literally got me to start drawing seriously. i don't know why i'm saying this other than 'this verse might be a bit self referential and i don't know if people would Get It compared to just canon (which i 10000% love on its own rights, it's not like i'm secretly dying to just do the selfshipper thing - ideally i would do a doujin of both because just what's in the games proper is so, so cool. he's such a weirdo. :D and tellius is the kind of cast i could stick him with literally anyone and wrangle up a cool scene.

- but. but?

the obvious answer is (do a doujin with both krad, like duh, people are gonna love the pretty pix no matter what ur overthinking it) but it just feels weird...? mixing the streams, if only in a pure technical/storytelling sense, and even above Personal Stuff i want to respect this on a pure craft level. ( i 100% love and go feral over the current wave of the selfshipper revival and would protect them with my life but with me it still feels inexplicably private and... i'm of elder internet, man. for me it still feels ... like it did in the 00's. very fringe-y vulnerable, you know? if you were there you know. idk. i'm still working through some of that.

feelings, god i hate feelings. just give me gorgeous dudes to draw to shut my brain up :D;;; )