#that poor little girl

[raddestrose]

Poor little Mianmian, who knows what she may have seen

[slippery-minghus]

huh. so like. transitioning from childhood into adolescence was really really hard for me. hard enough that even stating it like that is novel, rather than just "i was really weird and probably evil when i was 12" lol. but it just occurred to me how... autistic that was. the struggle with change. nevermind that from ages 10-13, my parents' relationship was worse than it ever had been as they approached divorce, and the tension in the house was enough to have set shit on fire but...

before my very eyes, things i enjoyed as a child were suddenly not fun anymore. i'd turn on a show i liked, one of the very few, and an episode i would have enjoyed the day before was mind-meltingly stupid. all of my toys—which because my mom substituted healthy love with giving me things, i had a lot of—dropped one at a time from my very short list of things that were fun. (un-dx'd autism also made playing with toys... boring as shit. could only put barbie in so many outfits. and i was too averse to social things to put her in Situations) what i did to my barbies when i finally couldn't stand them anymore was... it wasnt good.

and looking back at it through this lens though... i finally have an answer to the shocked and disgusted "what the hell was wrong with me??" it was because i was angry. i was scared. my parents were fighting all the time and i knew long before then that i couldn't rely on them for jack shit, so i had absolutely no recourse for dealing with the changes my brain was going through. changes i was going through while trying not to be abused, going through puberty (even as an adult shifts in my hormones make me extremely volatile), being bullied/ostracized by my friends and classmates, struggling for the first time with my grades (even though i was "Gifted"!), and of course, trying to fix my parents' marriage and their mental illnesses. all while having a brain that is particularly averse to change.

no wonder i was angry. no wonder i was scared. i was so alone. it was one of the rare occasions i actually acted out, and with the way i built my psyche to survive, no wonder that memory instills me with immediate shame. it was so unlike me to act out for a reason...

and i think back to another memory... one i hold very close to my heart. not because it was one where i was cared for, it's not even good. i think back to the brief stint when i was ten or so that mother put me in therapy for my "anger issues" (and i went unnoticed as autistic yet again. i know intellectually as an adult my mom just wanted to help... but that stint in therapy only reinforced the blame and the brokenness in me). one day, the therapist had me fill up this sandbox with figurines. she had so many to choose from, and it was so much fun. i'd never played with anything like it before. i remember i built a city, with ins and outs and lots of activity. but in the corner, closest to me, behind a wall where the rest of the city wasn't looking, i placed a little baby and an angry tiger. nobody could see how much danger i was in. nobody wanted to see. it was a quiet death.

[inkskinned]

how odd, to watch the creative writing exercises of angry men in the comments of instagram. you noticed it first in the comments of conventionally attractive women - but then it started appearing everywhere else, too.

a young man talks about what lunch he's packing his wife. there is a little story under it, with 300 likes, fabricated from nothing. "this is pointless. if you treat her like this, she will take the lunch to her office and fuck her boss and divorce him and take all his money."

you scroll. a young woman talks about what lunch she's packing for her husband. it is always uglier when the subject of the video is a woman, you've noticed. "you sit on camera and you smile and you are cheating with the neighbor and then you're going to lie about being sexually assaulted by your husband and -"

you stop reading. it has 567 likes.

where did this even become a thing? people making up stories in their head, disgusting long-winded assumptions about intention and sexual disgrace. the evil twin of fanfiction.

like - it's just a lie. it's a lie that they are telling, baldfaced and assumptive. the undercurrent is of course misogyny, but the trouble is that they're so fucking certain. that's what makes the hairs on the back of your neck rise. there is this pervasive, inventive desire for them to be right. that they must be right. all women are cheating, lying, gold-digging bitches. no exceptions.

in the reverse, when women say i'd rather meet a bear in the woods than a strange man - men funnel in from the sides. they defend each other with a vibrance and capacity for empathy you wish applied to like, the other half of the population. a man could be saying i absolutely did kill her and these creatures in the comments would rise up with king shit. she made it happen. they love each other to the point of this sick strange self-gaslighting, a fervent and unhinged cognitive distortion. all men are good, wonderful people. all women are terrible, conniving, seditious, annoying.

and when did it become okay to just, like... say that kind of a thing? at one point, you find yourself typing out a witty and snappy retort. why are you spending so much time fantasizing about other people babe. but as you stare at the screen, some part of you pictures this man in public, saying these things to your face. his soapbox, high and mighty. his mirrored sunglasses and his empty life: tired and lonely.

what a sad and horrible loop he's locked in. he is terrible to women, so women don't talk to him, which he uses as an excuse to act more terribly. he blames this "failure" on women, rather than on his behavior. it cannot be that he is the problem (that the solution is to just put his ego down and accept women as equals) - he begins to invent a sculpture to replace the flesh frame of each person he sees.

it isn't just a woman posing on the beach. it is now a slut with a desperate need for each person to crave her body. it isn't just a woman yelping with surprise during something upsetting. it is a hysterical, unhelpful cretin who will probably make things worse instead of better. it isn't a person.

someone's very sweet wedding vows get moderate attention on instagram. in the comments, a man says good fucking luck you'll waste your life providing while behind your back she's absolutely fucking the best man. this will be so cringe in 2 months when she walks out on you.

you think - is that what you need to be true? is that what you need to happen, for the world to make sense to you?

[lazylittledragon]

my absolute favourite genre of transphobic propaganda is when the caption is like “look at this poor, confused little girl who was forced to mutilate herself :(” and the picture is just the hottest man you’ve ever seen in your life with a full beard and a body that would make thor weak at the knees

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Flower Empowered.

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[dapper-lil-arts]

Anyone else surprised that Rarity has zero bitches in cannon

[itdoesnotsuffice]

[moondustinfj]

*Regulus fake dating Barty to make James jealous*

Barty *in a fake accent* : Regulus, love, you'll have to introduce me

Barty: *wraps his arms around Regulus' neck*

Regulus: Of course. This is James

James *looking between them* : Hi

Barty * taking James' hand* : Sorry, Jim?

James *annoyed*: It's James.

Barty: Jacob? Jacques? Giacomo?

Regulus: James

Barty: Ooooh ok, fancy

James: It was...nice to meet you

Barty: So nice to meet you too Hamish

[kittykatninja321]

Very deeply annoyed by the fanon idea that Talia treated Jason like a pet or a tool when he was catatonic, because when you actually read lost days you can clearly see that Talia is literally the only person who looked at Jason while he was catatonic and still saw a person and treated him like a person while everyone else around her (Ra’s and the doctor she hired) was ready to dismiss Jason as an empty shell

[buttercup-bi]

You can tell Dungeon Meshi is that good because every single member of the main cast makes this site go insane about them in some way

[codename-adler]

watch the Twinyards build a playhouse for Aaron’s twins, who immediately request their presence inside for tea, only for Aaron and Andrew to just… fit right in. no struggle at all. how mad do you think they’ll be.

[s-aint-elmo]

girl who has suffered more than alll-mer

(ID in alt text)

[satans-knitwear]

My eyes are up there ^^ keep going, at the top. 👀

Treat me ~ Tip Me ~ More of me

[formulahs]

i feel like it would probably do f1 teams good if they invested some of their pr strategy into showing more development/engineering bts bc the fans in general are really blindsided to the amount of work it takes and how it really is fucking rocket science to get an f1 car to dunk a gap on the rest of the field like. esp nowadays when the field is so tight you gotta look a little beyond just the finishing position or the standings like everyone is SO close. its just not always a matter of the team being fundamentally incompetent or neglecting driver input or whatever, sometimes the work is good but the garage next door is the 1% better that makes total difference yk

[ratottoman]

Do i have any idea how the French government works? No. But she’s still a politicians daughter you guys

Very important bonus

[iskander-tm]

Would you kill me at Jerusalem?