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#that says it's okay to just people to get ahead
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Okay let me be clear about one thing first, I’m not mad at people for writing what makes them happy. People are allowed to engage with fandom in whatever way they want. If that means writing ship fics and making ship content, then go right ahead! Hell, I genuinely enjoy ship content as well. Don’t stop making it just because some internet stranger said some words.
Having said that, I think this fandom (and to be fair, almost every fandom) severely undervalues platonic relationships. Let’s take for example Jon and Tim, which if you ask me, was one of the most interesting relationships in the show.
Out of 28,943 works on Ao3, 741 have them in a purely platonic relationship. This number drops down to 438 once you exclude Jmart. Granted, some of the ones that included Jmart might’ve just had it as a side thing rather than the main focus, but still.
For just a bit of perspective, that’s fewer works than Peter/Elias, fewer than Sasha/Tim, and fewer than even Elias/Jon. Don’t get me wrong all of these relationships are fascinating in their own right and deserve to be explored, but platonic relationships can be interesting too! And I think they deserve to be appreciated just as much as romantic/sexual ones.
Let me extra clear one last time that this is not me going “ship content bad!! >:[“ This is me saying that we should appreciate non-ship works as well, and that they can be just as interesting.
Yea no agree. I like shipping and all 100% but Im also a massive fan of platonic relationships and their explorations - rosette
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mixelation · 3 days
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oh wait do you remember locket??? the AU where minato yoinks karin from kusa??? i randomly started rotating it again
karin is one year ahead of naruto at the academy
i feel like kusa would be upset about losing their magic healing doll so someone attempts to kidnap her like three months in. this gets shut down IMMEDIATELY and really boosts karin's individual trust in her adoptive family
i also wrote part of a scene of minato freaking out days after the Incident (not like bad freaking out, like he randomly checks in on her and is like "hey you're okay, right?") and he tells karin it's normal to be upset about bad things days and days about after they happen. so karin mulls this over and is like "what about YEARS after they happen?"
minato knew kusa was bad but karin tells him how bad, and he's like what the fuck??? and apologizes her to for not getting her out earlier. bc it is logical to not want to restart a war; however that was BEFORE he had a cute adopted daughter. now those people can just die :)
i'm not sure how this goes but i think kushina would want to recover the uzushio objects/seals that kusa took away form kasumi/karin, and then also what if she got to murder some people. idk how this part would go
i decided karin's genin team is unnamed jounin, sai, and kabuto.
my usual take for minato lives AUs is that Danzo ends up fucking around for years under his Kageship while minato has to figure out 1) he needs to be shut down, and then 2) how to do it without pissing off danzo's supporters. so in locket, minato has only recently shut down ROOT. sai is still sort of messed up as a result but he gets a few years of socializing in the academy before being put on a genin team. i don't think he and karin get along automatically, but she has a lot of secret sympathy for him as a fellow outsider
kabuto is a few years older and has been a genin for a while, but minato went for a nonstandard pick because he can see a situation where karin has to pick between healing someone and reigniting her own trauma, or letting her teammate suffer. and like.... she WILL have to learn to navigate that, and he's not going to baby her forever because he wants her to grow up to be an independent strong kunoichi, but also she is his special little girl and he can make it easier by putting a skilled medic on her team.
however minato's presence doesn't mitigate orochimaru. karin's "c-rank gone wrong" mission is kabuto being like "hey kid with uzumaki longevity and stamina and magic blood, wanna be orochimaru's new body???"
good news: karin unlocks her chains and resists her own kidnapping! bad news: jounin-sensei is dead, sai is injured, and kabuto runs off
i think brining her friend back from the brink of death would be like... the first time karin ever feels empowered by her magic blood. so like there's NEW trauma but also she's steadily learning to deal with her old trauma
i guess i never decided if team minato is also alive in this AU. if yes, i think her replacement jounin would be like..... obito or rin
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Jason: Kill him. Batman: No. Jason: Kill him. Batman: No. Jason: Kill him! Batman: No! Joker: Can I kill myself to escape this nightmare of awkward father son tension? Jason and Batman: Shut up! Jason: Ignore me, like you did when I died, what about the countless lives he’s taken, what about Barb, what about the shit he’s put all of us through for some sick joke? And if you didn’t want to do it because of those reasons, what about me? I wanted to ignore this but he took me away from you! Why not vindicate me? I thought I was your son! Joker: Guess you weren’t that close. Jason snacks Joker with the crowbar a fifth time. Jason: Shut. The. Fuck. Up! Back to you, when I saw the bomb tick down, I accepted it. I accepted my death... I thought when I died, you'd kill him. Then I wake up and he's still alive. Why? Batman: I’ve contemplated torturing Joker in a private area. Make him feel pain from every nerve in his body, make it so that when I finally killed him I savor the light leaving his… eyes. But I don’t want to go to that dark place because that won’t fix crime. Jason: Stop joking. Batman: I'm not. Jason: You have to be. Batman: When have I ever joked with you in this suit?
Jason: It's not too late, because you can't be serious. It literally would fix one thing.. Him! Joker: Can you tell me what type of torture methods you’d perform on me? I might need to use those later. Jason points to Joker with his gun. Batman: If I kill I would never go back. I would kill the next one like him. Jason: Then fucking do that! You can't be arrested. You are friends with commissioner Gordon, who by the way, Joker shot his fucking daughter. You shot his daughter right? Joker: Yeah. Jason: Okay, so should I shoot him or do you want to? Batman: Joker would have to do something insanely unforgivable to make me kill him. Jason: ...He tricked my mom into handing me over and killed me. Horribly tortured me. Just want you to know I was legally dead for a time. Batman: That's different. Jason: Different how? Batman: You're here now.
Jason looks around. Jason: Am I on a hidden camera show? Because you did not say that as a defense. You can't be serious! Batman: It’s not right! Jason: Why? Go ahead tell me, why is it wrong to kill him and for me to kill irredeemable criminals. I'll wait, I have the detonator. Batman: Because when my parents died, I learned all life is valuable. Jason: Joseph Stalin. Batman: Okay, I - Jason: Charles Manson. Batman: Hold on, now he was- Jason: Jim Jones. Batman: Well they volunteered. Jason: Adolf Hitler, the Nazi soldiers who knowingly participated in the extermination of Jews and the ones who escaped to Brazil. Joker: I know I'm the one possibly dying, but he brought up a couple good examples. Batman: No, wait, because that's not the same. Joker is not the same as them. Jason: Okay, I will cancel out the world dictators and Manson. I'll do that... Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy, Wade Wilson! Batman: ... Jason: And again him torturing and killing your son isn't the line?
Batman: I told you not to fall for your mother's tricks. Jason: Are you resorting to gas lighting? While I have a bomb? We're doing that?! Batman: All I'm saying is when you got brought back you killed left and right. Jason: Yes, rapists and murderers. I don't kill shoplifters. Batman: Hypocrite. Jason: A shoplifter has a reason and doesn't go about killing someone. What rapists have you met that had a reason? Because rapists aren't redeemable, they're free game. Batman: Okay, last I checked murder is wrong! Jason: Yeah, it is! Jason points his gun Joker. Batman: ...A criminal is a criminal. I treat them all the same. Jason: Let's talk about Selina Kyle. Batman: Let's not do this. Jason: She gets a pass when she's attacked people to escape. If a criminal is a criminal then why isn't she in prison? Because she meows at you? Because you unironically like when she hits you with a whip? Because she talks in a fake sultry voice? I want to know why does she get a pass? Why Black Mask walks? Joker walks? Mr. Freeze walks? Tick tock detective. Batman: ... Jason: It bothers you, doesn't it? That I'm doing a better job at you? That I'm taking on businesses of the crime ridden area because I can admit that crime will never stop? That I kill murderers and rapists? Batman: It doesn't bother me... I just don't want you to do this. Jason: I'm not asking you to kill Selina or Riddler or Mr. Freeze. I want you to kill him. I'm not even mad at you for not stopping my death, I forgive you on that, but for the love of God, kill him! Please. I am begging you! Do you see this? I am begging you! Batman: I can't. I'm sorry. Jason: Okay you have two options. I kill Joker or... You kill me. Jason tosses Batman a gun that the man catches with ease. Batman: I regret the day I let you into my life... Not because of your fault, but my own. I gave you a good life with the life of a hero. So I won't kill him. I'm sorry. Jason: Hm... I guess you'll watch me kill him. This is great, I always wanted this moment with us. Jason grabs Joker and aims the gun at the cackling psychos head. Jason: I’m going to enjoy this! Batman: Dodge! Jason: What? Batman tosses a batarang at Jason’s neck, impaling it in the man's neck. Jason drops the gun and Joker in shock and pain as blood splurts out of his neck wound. Jason: You threw a batarang… at ME?! Batman: Oh shit, shit, shit! You were supposed to dodge! Jason: You pulled a Piccolo on me!? Batman: I thought you would dodge. I shouted dodge! Jason: You thought I would read your damn mind, toss Joker aside, dodge and then not shoot him. Batman stays silent. Jason and Joker: Oh my God you did. GREAT, NOW I'M AGREEING WITH HIM! Jason yanks the Batarang out of his neck. He looks at the Batarang, silent and shaking. Jason: You know... maybe in a few years we can laugh about this, but for...I'm sorry too. Jason presses the detonator managing to escape along with Batman. Joker is crushed by the debris of the buildings, but alive.
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aparticularbandit · 4 months
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....
I should replay Stanley Parable just to have Junko quote it in the third fic at some point, huh
Because that relationship of "every road you travel, every choice you make or can make had been written in advance, and they all end with your death" is. that's Junko's theme in the trilogy.
It does not matter what you do or how you do it. The story ends with Junko's death. She will die. She is going to die.
Makoto's sacrifice doesn't save her. Mukuro and Matsuda following her doesn't save her. Kyoko's love will not save her, and neither will Mikan's.
It's all scripted, and it has been from the beginning, and every route ends with Junko's death because she wrote it that way.
She gave you the book, Kyoko. You read how it ends. But up against the Ultimate Analyst who knows you so well that she can predict your actions in advance, even choosing to go against what she wrote - she already knows how you will act.
And she is determined to die.
How do you fight that?
You can't.
Junko's going to die and that's the way the story ends and there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.
How do you wrestle with that? How does Kyoko wrestle with that? That inevitability while other people keep sacrificing themselves to stop something that cannot - will not - stop?
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nnayomaise · 5 months
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i think the thing that really gets me about all the "we've got to kill this guy kabru" meme redraws with mithrun is that in the very first conversation mithrun has with laios, he trusts him with, essentially the fate of the world and his life long revenge quest against the demon
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inkskinned · 1 year
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im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:
videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.
and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.
this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.
there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.
there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.
for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.
i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.
here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."
eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.
we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.
"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"
thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.
it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.
an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.
and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."
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erikkarlsson · 3 months
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no i will not take care of your guy that just signed with my team. in fact i’m putting him in the blender and hitting ice crush as we speak
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alluralater · 2 months
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just saw this girl on tinder that i had the most insane rollercoaster thing with in college but she now identifies as a goth dyke and let me tell you… i swiped right so hard but almost didn’t because i wanted to keep looking at her pictures. she looks the same, just different style but it suits her so so well. and as ya’ll know i am a whore for goth/alt aesthetics to my colorful dyke look. the contrast is so giving but it just so happens to be what im usually drawn to. if we even go out to coffee and end up making out over this, it will have been worth the swipe. even if nothing, it was still totally worth it. i cannot lie, she was such a disaster in college though and nearly tanked an entire group project for me but my professor was also a lesbian (shoutout to this professor bc i loved her so much and she really cared about me) and she was like “hey allura,” and proceeded to tell me that this girl was a less experienced gay than i was and was clearly very obsessed with me (cause apparently she had gone to our professor to talk about me and had accidentally dropped a weird amount of concerning info??) and so my professor was going to separate her from me as much as possible (cause at that point she was like causing a crazy ton of issues for my school stuff and in my social life) but i mean… she was/is REALLY hot. her intensity was really sexy and the way she was so shameless was ALSO very sexy. plus i mean, even though she was doing wild shit it wasn’t like she was an awful person. i found her to be super yummy in all respects and was really shook when she flew off the handle and was basically harassing me. now this all sounds really insane i know but… ugh i want her so bad and i really hoped that some years apart would change those toxic obsessive pieces so let’s hope yes and find out
#oh this was longer than i meant it to be#i think i still have screenshots of when she first started flirty texting me#i liked her a LOT okay. it was so devastating when she practically lost her mind and didn’t find it again until we had another class#together with the same professor like a year later. i was still too wary to be/get close to her but she’d smile at me sometimes and i would#smile back very friendly.#but physically yeah this girl and i were VERY into each other so it was hard to be cool about it. she used to do this thing i loved too ugh#like before we started talking. she sat like two rows in front of me but exactly ahead of my eyes and she would do this thing where she#would sweep the hair from her neck and rub it really sensually with her fingers and stretch and i always tried NOT to watch l#but then she told me she was doing it to make me look so i felt REALLY stupid#she was always so funny and sweet and she was really smart too. like i don’t know. we clicked super well and i guess that’s why part of me#kinda held out hope that maybe SOMEDAY things would work out even just as friends. back then i told her i wasn’t ready to be in a#relationship and that’s around the time she started getting really intense in a bad way. i was seeing a few different people and i had#recently gone through a super traumatic breakup and she knew the girl i had broken up with so it got really messy#anywaysssss#she was lovely though. our first little coffee date was so cute ugh. anyways ALRIGHT this is enough rambling#i’m just tired and had so much to say abt this for no real reason lmfao
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theminecraftbee · 2 years
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because i'm seeing it come up again, a quick "mod thoughts re: all the voter fraud" discussion:
okay so like. in a perfect world, tumblr would have email verification that actually mattered, and we, the mods, would have some more effective way to prevent voter fraud than saying "oh no don't do fraud that's bad". however, we have neither of those things, and doing fraud on our polls is... ridiculously, laughably easy.
so, imagine our distress when during the techno/scar round, a lot of scar fans started getting very, very angry about fraud we weren't sure was even happening? that, indeed, we had absolutely no reason to think was happening at the time, and no way to do anything about it if was?
well. there were two options. and we took the one that would lead to everyone having more fun and things being less toxic overall in the community. the thing is: if we'd said "voter fraud is entirely unallowed, this thing we can't prevent and can't moderate", then the toxicity of fanbases blaming each other for "breaking the rules" would have gone through the roof. full-stop. and we... didn't want that. this poll did not matter. it still doesn't matter. it had grown wildly, wildly bigger than we'd expected, and we had basically no way to control the way everyone was acting about it, but we didn't want to make a statement that would cause people to be even meaner to each other.
so instead, we took the funny option. we said "yeah do whatever voter fraud you want we don't care". SLIGHTLY regret that we didn't know tumblr tried to make you follow random strangers' blogs when you made a new account otherwise maybe we would have been a BIT more clear about 'don't do that', but listen. by saying "voter fraud is totally fine" we made it funny that people were cheating. we made it so there was basically no such thing as "cheating". we made it so, and this was key, the growing toxicity about "but they're BOTTING" was stupid, because like... everyone's doing it now. openly and blatantly doing it. voters fraud is a beautiful name for a baby girl, and this poll doesn't matter and isn't worth getting worked up over, and you can't cheat if it's not against the rules and everyone's doing it anyway, is the idea here.
like, in an ideal world, would we have rampant voter fraud? nah. in a world where we can't stop it if it happens, though... may as well make sure both sides have equal opportunity to fraud, right? like, that makes it even again, right? and more importantly, it reminds people that this shit really, really doesn't matter.
anyway all of this is to say that if you all start coming into our notes and inbox again to start being really toxic about the other side of the poll and make me cry again i will be pissed.
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the way some of you clearly think bisexuals don't experience actual attraction and feelings for people, but rather decide ahead of time if they want a man or a woman this time and then just go and pick whoever comes into their line of sight next is so obvious and definitely makes me think you all don't need to speak on things you don't know about
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ganondoodle · 1 year
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reminder that my totk rants are me just rambling about my thoughts, ideas and complaints, im not trying to analyze anything, be smart, be right, debate or convince anyone who likes it that its bad just bc i think its bad or simply dont like the choices made, im literally just spilling out my brain so it doesnt keep haunting me
if you think something makes sense that i think doesnt i, and forgive me for being so blunt about it, do not care why you think it works, my opinion of this game will not change and i am okay with that
you are free to disagree with anything i say of course but i really dont care why, sorry
(sth i said only in the tags before but added now in this edit bc i think its important: its not bc i dont want to hear other peoples opinions and live in ignorance or something, but bc im tired and i PROMISE you i have seen 99.9% of those arguments already)
im not trying to be mean, aggressive or dismissive, but again, these rants are just me rambling with no intention of arguing with anyone, the only reason im still posting whenever i think of something thats bothering me (even if it might be dumb or be disproven in game bc i am not all-knowing and might be possibly misremembering something), and letting those posts be rebloggable/interactable is bc i have been told by quite a few people that they like reading them or that they feel validated in their own disappointment
thats it.
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deoidesign · 1 month
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Hii! I have been recently getting more and more obsessed with your art and webcomic and was wondering if I could use your art as like a profile picture? (With credit!!) If not that's perfectly fine! :)
yeah you can use my art for whatever as long as you're not stealing it or selling it
I don't mind if people print my art out for themselves either. I do sell prints, but it doesn't bother me either way
In general I don't post anything that I haven't made my peace with all that comes with sharing my art publicly! So feel free to use it as you please pretty much.
Giving me credit for the things I've made is respectful and helps me in my career, and I would hope that most people intend to respect my work... And the people who don't respect my work were never going to whether I asked or not.
I make my work for other people to enjoy it, I want you to enjoy it!
#I sort of have a general thought process that like.#the main thing of my work is... my comics!#and thats my writing and my drawing and its these huge longform things#that to be quite honest. would be a ton of work to steal LMFAO#but theyre more intrinsically connected to me#knowing the name of the comics and the characters#looking for more. it's me. like it's always gonna come back to me...#But I also in general as a person... I sort of hate the concept of copyright#it plays at the idea of benefitting artists but the intent is to benefit corporations#and artists get screwed out of owning their OWN WORK for the benefit of said corporations...#The things that copyright are meant to protect are things that wouldnt matter if we werent living in CAPITALISM!!!#I wouldnt CARE if someone stole my stuff if I didnt have to worry about potential lost customers#so. I just try to lead my life and my art in ways that reflect my ideals#which is like... yeah go ahead. use it for whatever#I expect you to respect me and if you don't then I know it doesnt matter what I ask for. because it wasnt going to be respected anyways.#if you feel bad taking my stuff or printing it out yourself or whatever you can throw a couple bucks my way#helps me pay the bills lmao#but if you don't its fine. I'll be okay and it won't ruin me.#asks#anon#this isnot me saying yeah go ahead and steal my art LMAO#this is just like yeah as long as you arent saying or implying you made my work#or selling it when I am selling that same thing (stealing my money from me)#then. like. whatever#doesnt affect me negatively at all. I made my art for other people to enjoy it#I want you to enjoy it!
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astro-b-o-y-d · 1 month
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Well, I think most of the secrets on TBOB's website have been found at this point, which probably means there's not much left in terms of the book, and by extension, Bill. I was saying this on Discord, but it really does feel like a swan song for his character, like Alex is finally (and literally) closing the book on him.
Which is FINE WITH ME, I'm glad we got the stuff we did but also please stop giving us more lore on him, Alex <3 We've had enough, time to stop for now <3 Let the fans take it from here <3
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they call me the griever because halfway through a thing I enjoy I’m already sad that it’s closer to being over
#blue chatter#trying to work on not doing this#and just enjoying the thing in the moment#this happens to me a lot with school breaks and such#like ‘oh I love being on spring break but I’m sad bc I’m already 3 days in’#‘oh I love summer vacation so far it’s too bad it’s already a month over’#and I’m like NO!!!!! blue!!!!!!!! you’re missing the point!!!!!!!!#you have the joy *right now* and you are SPOILING IT bc you’re too busy looking ahead to when it will be gone!!!!!!!!!#it happens with friend visits a lot. it’s less bad now but it still happens.#like. the first time I visited friends over spring break I woke up in the early morning of the last morning and just cried#because I only had a few hours left before I had to get on the plane home#and I start hurriedly stuffing seconds and minutes into my mouth and refusing to swallow#because maybe if I just cling extra hard then the time won’t pass-#but it does pass. and that’s okay. and I know that’s okay because life had more joyful things after that moment#had I stayed there on that day I would have been frozen as a much more miserable person#my friends themselves would have been very different people#I mean. fuck. between then and now two of us figured out our genders. both of them got married. they moved somewhere else now.#there’s a lot of little joys that got left behind there. a church they loved. a local park. mountains and windy streets.#but I wouldn’t hold ourselves there. which I try to remind myself when I start crying about lost time again#because yeah. this will end someday. human lifespans aren’t infinite.#but the future is full of life I still have to live. there’s no saying that I can’t have good things again.#and this period of my life is rapidly rushing towards a much more uncertain future and I know that and it’s scary#I know I have about 11 months to make several very adult decisions that will determine a lot of my future#but no matter what I choose this period of my life is not wasted#and I don’t need to hurriedly optimize every second and mourn losing them#and I know that. and I still feel sad and mourny. but that might be more indicative that I’m hungry or smth.
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castielafflicted · 9 months
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distinct possibility that things are going to start to get very bad for me in a few days because of medication reasons </3
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eclarinet · 2 months
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same soup... different day
#hello it is sarah in the tags again#i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again#venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone#anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin#back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye#anyway this time i'd come in for the big D#i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong#i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety#its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc#anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the#isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers#isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and#i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic#anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing#i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche#also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like#ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it#and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this
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