#that seasonal depression topping off the standard depression sure is something

[goodlorddreamer]

maybe I just want someone to give me whimsy and attention to detail.

[hargrove-mayfields]

Everyone who knew Billy Hargrove had thought that even though he had only been in town for a short time, he wouldn’t be leaving without making his mark on Hawkins High when he graduated. He was their new top dog, their poster boy in all things social, athletic, and academic, so it only made sense he’d choose to go out with a bang.

Graduation is held outside on the football field, a first for the school because the senior class of ‘85 is made of up of too many kids to hold it in the gym like usual, which would theoretically give him the perfect opportunity to screw around and ruin the formal ceremony.

What nobody had expected though, was for him to be sitting up straight and attentive at graduation, his hair pulled up in a bun under his cap and his earring left at home, wearing a pair of dress shoes he couldn’t afford, with all kinds of pins and cords and even a valedictorians medal adorning his robes.

And nobody expected him to wait at the head of the stage as his full name, William Reuben Hargrove, was called, walking across in perfect time and doing every polite handshake, smiling at the teachers and administrators and getting his photo with his diploma in hand and a respectable smile on his face.

Because he was one of four valedictorians above two salutatorians, he wasn’t given the opportunity to read his own speech, but rather was chosen to read the graduates address. His reputation preceded him, and it was clear from the tension sparking the air that everyone, including the parents, expected him to pull something when called to the stage and given the microphone.

But he didn’t, he stood proud and read it off loud and clear, or at least recited it from memory that way, Max had to read it to him for weeks in practice because he couldn’t power through and read it, the text small and too close on the page it all jumbled together, stepping down from the stage when he was done instead adding any words of his own,

It’s like a collective sigh is let out when he sits back down, Nancy taking her turn up on the stage to read the closing remarks and turn the tassels, and just like that the ceremony passes by without a hitch.

Because even though all knew who they thought Billy was, they didn’t know about the man he had to be in front of Neil Hargrove, watching from the bleachers.

Instead, what his peers had all wanted was for Billy to walk to his own tune, slouching in his seat and picking at his nails when he wasn’t supposed to be paying attention, fumbling the fancy walk and keeping his hands stuffed in his pockets as a big F-U to the school and all it stood for, and they definitely expected him to show up in a crumpled suit and scuffed old shoes, his hair a mess under the cap, looking like his true ragamuffin self.

Only, Steve Harrington was the one to do all that.

The rumor mill would have it that Stevie boy got wasted the night before graduation and was barely powering through it on a hangover. Truth would argue however, that he had woken up that morning alone, so depressed that no one, including himself, gave a damn about the accomplishment he had fought so very hard for, that he didn’t care about doing this stupid ceremony nobody would see anyways the right way, the Harrington way.

So he didn’t show up to senior assembly or to any of practices, he didn’t earn any scholarships or awards anyways, and he felt he hardly deserved the passing grades he was most likely given by sympathetic teachers who knew him all too well from retaking failed classes for years. He didn’t really feel like there was anything to commemorate, so he showed up, but only for the piece of paper, and maybe a little bit to prove his father who said he’d never be able to do it wrong.

After the ceremony was finished, they turned the field over to families to take pictures with their graduates, and graduates to take pictures with each other. Billy got a handful taken of him and his family by the school's photographer and Susan’s camera too, and a decent couple of Polaroids with the real friends he’d actually made, Tommy and Carol and Heather.

There were no pictures taken of Steve on his big day. He’d gone straight to the auditorium and gotten his diploma for the folder they handed him on stage, then drove himself home before anybody could stop him and ask for one.

~~~~~~~~~

It happens again in June when grad party season hits.

Among the most anticipated invites was the one to Billy Hargrove’s graduation party. Everyone was sure he’d have a big house party for the seniors, he always brought the life to the party like Hawkins had never seen it, it only made sense he’d have his own.

But again, his peers are mistaken, because nobody gets an invite other than that same handful of friends, and they all get theirs, along with a tiny print of Billy's unrecognizably serious senior photos, in the mail just like the rest of the Hargroves’ extended family.

Because his party is a family affair, an open house from eleven in the morning to four in the afternoon at an outdoor pavilion in the state park, where he’s supposed to dress nice and greet every member of the family with the same practiced smile, regardless of if he even knew who they were, or if they could tell the difference between him and his cousins.

None of it felt like real family to him though, when not even his mother could be bothered to come despite the effort he went through to get her an invite, and him and Max both playing the role of perfect children so well they almost forgot the other was there.

So him and his friends just sit at a table in the corner between making his appearances with great aunts who he didn’t even know, acting like ordinary kids under the watchful eye of Neil Hargrove until it’s over and they get to pack up the green and yellow decorations bought to be recycled for Max’s party again in four years and count all the money he’d gotten in cards, which he was supposed to be saving for college.

Steve again is the one to meet those expectations they held for Billy, the fallen keg king maybe not as undeserving of the title as they had thought.

As it turns out, his parents hadn’t been paying enough attention to realize it was time already to celebrate him, and it was far too late to send out invites if he wanted to have it before it was socially unacceptable but their standards at least, too much of his family living in Italy anyways, so he just had his own party.

The sort of party where kids came for the liquor, uncaring about the host of the state of their house after they're done getting their kicks, as long as they have something to do and a chemical codependency to form.

A couple of kids do actually bring him generic cards as congratulations, without money in them of course because they knew who he was and where he live, but not that his parents were planning on cutting him off as soon as they could, but most everyone else just came to get hammered, basically celebrating their own graduation with Steve’s money.

He’s miserable. He gets just as drunk as anyone else and passes out halfway through the party, waking up to a trashed house and a few stragglers on his lawn. Definitely not the type of celebration one has for their child they’re so proud of, or even actually gives two shits about.

~~~~~~~

Another expectation shattered, was the rivalry between Billy and Steve. They were supposed to be bitter enemies, the ex king shown up and beaten by the one who’d go on to steal his spotlight, but while they were different, from their personas and from each other botg, they were very much the same, and they recognized that in each other.

After they had thanksgiving break to let the tension between them cool off, things moved quickly from making friends at a house party neither of them wanted to be at to making out in the back seats of the Camaro.

By June they’ve been going steady for a couple of months already, but even though they’re officially at boyfriends status, Billy doesn’t go to Steve’s party. It was the night before his own and he’s pretty sure Neil would’ve killed him if he had stumbled home wasted just a couple of hours before he was supposed to look nice and represent the family well. Steve told him he didn’t expect him to come to something like that anyways, knew the party scene was for the side of Billy everybody but Steve liked to see, so he doesn’t go.

Steve does end up showing at Billy’s though, not able to stay long because Billy was sure Neil would see them for what they were, even if another of the assumptions about him was that he and Heather were dating. So he just drops by with a card and his well wishes, pretending he was only there as a courtesy, being members of the same sports teams and all.

He slips the card in the box and gives Billy and Tommy a little, too cool for this, definitely ditching as soon as he can, wave, and that’s the end of it.

But what nobody knows, or could presume about them, is that Billy came back to his house that night, and they had their own little celebration, for the both of them. No parents who couldn’t be bothered or who controlled every last minor detail, no people there in the name of just family or just to have a good time.

Just Billy and Steve, the real them that nobody knew like one another did.

[theparanormalperiodical]

Top 10 Controversial Horror Films That Are Famous For All The Wrong Reasons *gags* *cries*

At the beating heart of horror is offence.

From that undeniable sense of something not being quite right, to the CGI-blood-spurtin’-adrenaline-fuelled scenes that leave us shaking in our boots, horror pivots on the knife edge of controversy.

It’s used to drive plots. It’s used to drive hype. And at the end of the month, it drives studio executives to the bank.

Horror films can be traumatic enough. But there are some films that bear the cross of controversy more than others. There are some films that have been branded as so damaging to their potential viewers that merely circulating copies of the film is illegal.

And yet their infamy has forged cult viewership. What was once shielded from us has now become ‘must see’.

Today we are going to be counting down horror’s most controversial films and what made them quite so topical.

*I’m going to star the ones that you can actually watch without getting traumatised. Some are controversial not because of their content but because some religious or political groups disagreed with them*

#10 - The Blair Witch Project (1999)*

Let’s ease in with a classic - a classic you can watch without sleeping with the light on.

In this found-footage flick we see a team of film students as they explore a local urban legend. But what they find leads them to unknown and ungodly territory.

The problem with this film is that it was marketed as a true story. No, not based on a true story, a true story. Yep, they claimed what we were seeing was real, found footage of some teens going mad as they forage deeper into mysterious woods.

IMBd went so far as to report that the actors were dead. Then, the movie studio super-charged their efforts to confirm to the public that not only was this film 100% real, the three main actors were still missing. The parents of the actors then started receiving sympathy cards.

There’s even a mocked up website that perpetuates these claims. 

#9 - Night Of The Living Dead (1968)*

Time for another not-too-disturbing film.

This is the original zombie apocalypse film saw a group of Americans attempt to survive an incoming attack of the undead while trapped in a rural farmhouse.

But the Motion Picture Association of America wasn’t too happy about it. The film rating system was yet to be in place, allowing children to also show up for an afternoon screening and be greeted by a 97 minute montage of extreme violence.

“The kids in the audience were stunned. There was almost complete silence. The movie had stopped being delightfully scary about halfway through, and had become unexpectedly terrifying. There was a little girl across the aisle from me, maybe nine years old, who was sitting very still in her seat and crying”

#8 - Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

In this psychological film, we watch a random crime spree take place at the hands of a couple serial killers. Loosely based on real murderers Henry Lee Lucas and Ottis Toole, its controversial reputation was founded on the gore ‘n’ guts screened in the movie.

Whilst it didn’t receive much attention from the public, various classification boards across the world ensured new versions edited with certain scenes - often involving sexual assault and necrophilia - removed for viewers.

In 2003, the BBFC (the UK classification board) finally allowed the uncut version to be released and Australia followed suit in 2005.

#7 - I Spit On Your Grave (1978)

It’s the original rape-revenge flick. And it managed to piss everyone off.

Originally titled Day of the Woman, it tells the story of a fiction writer who exacts revenge on a group of four men who gang rape her.

Despite its pro-women claim-to-fame, the 30 minute rape scene begs to differ. Furious debate surrounds its feminist label as a film that forces the audience to endure rape from a female perspective and long-winded violence against men (something which is often reserved for women in horror). Regardless, the graphic violence earned it a steady ban in Ireland, Norway, Iceland, and West Germany.

#6 - Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)*

You don’t get many controversial Christmas films. They typically stick to a cookie-cutter plot ‘n’ purpose every holiday season. But there are no strong women who need to rediscover the meaning of Christmas here.

Instead, we see a child traumatised by seeing his parents murdered on Christmas Eve go on a seasonal rampage as an adult.

A week after its release in the early 80s, it was pulled from theatres due to backlash. Marketing was focused on a Santa Claus killer with adverts often airing during family-friendly TV programmes and meant numerous children developed a phobia of Father Christmas. Large crowds protested cinemas with one notable protest involving angry families singing carols at the Interboro Quad Theater in The Bronx.

It was only in 2009 - 25 years after its original release - that a DVD of the film was first made available for purchase in the UK.

#5 - Psycho (1960)*

This legendary film follows the disappearance of a young woman after her encounter with a strange man called Norman Bates, one of horror’s most iconic figures. The controversy that would engulf this fim lay not in the violent attack on an innocent woman or even the disturbing content of the film.

Oh, no. It was because of what the leading lady was wearing.

In the opening scene of the film, we see Janet Leigh wearing nothing but a bra.

*gasp*

This racy attire was emblazoned across promotional material, meeting Hitchcock’s high standards of creating controversy around the movie. There was a no late admission policy for movie theaters, and the posters told viewers “Do not reveal the surprises!” to maintain a mysterious aura around the plot twist.

#4 - The Human Centipede (2009) (all of ‘em)

I’ve watched a lot of horror films, in case you couldn’t tell.

I’m used to watching a scary movie, shaking off the anxiety, and moving on with my life. But there are some that stayed with me. I only watched the trailer for the first movie, and it legitimately traumatised me. It gave me quite a severe, sudden bout of a depression for a solid month when I was 13.

Throughout horror’s goriest franchise, we see an evil doctor and amateur mad scientist attempt to sow several people together into a centipede-like chain from mouth to anus.

*retches*

At the heart of promoting the franchise was controversy. Tom Six, the director, forced a narrative that claimed from the first film that this was "100% medically accurate". He even alleged a Dutch doctor helped inspire the film, confirming that with an IV drip, this was entirely possible.

Although it didn’t receive furore that amounted to serious censorship or long-term banning, it was infamous for having its viewers vomiting in the cinema aisles.

The second film, however, was subject to much more severe controversy and could not legally be supplied in the UK until 2011 due to its heavy focus on sexual abuse, more graphic violence than the original film, and it’s pretty vile depiction of a murderer that was intellectually disabled.

Audiences were used to the graphic nature of the franchise by the third and final release. As the least-controversial and least-enjoyable film according to critics, it barely made a dent in the horror community.

Good riddance, I guess?

#3 - Faces Of Death (1978)

I’m not sure I’d recommend this one per se - but I will give it credit for being an interesting project.

This documentary-style film is a montage of footage of people dying in different ways. As a result of its very graphic and very real content, it was banned and censored in many countries. Only in 2003 was it released on DVD in the UK after a scene was cut featuring dogs fighting and a monkey being beaten to death.

Germany, Australia, and New Zealand followed suit, reversing their bans and releasing edited versions.

However, 7 years after its release, the media revamped its interest in the film after a maths teacher showed it to his class at a Californian high school. Two of his students claimed they were so traumatised they received a costly settlement to reimburse their emotional distress. Things took a darker turn a year later, when a 14 year old bludgeoned a classmate to death with a baseball bat; he claimed he wanted to see what it would be like to actually kill someone after watching Faces of Death.

#2 - Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

This Italian film’s title alone hints towards two frightening things: flesh-eating humans and genocide. In this found-footage movie we see an anthropologist lead a rescue team into the Amazon rainforest to find a group of filmmakers that went missing.

The rampant graphic content including sexual assault and animal cruelty showcased in the film (7 animals were killed during filming in some pretty horrific ways) led to it being banned in 50 countries.

Some also alleged that a handful of deaths seen in the film were real, as were the missing film crew. In fact, the actors portraying the documentarians signed contracts that stopped them appearing in motion pictures for an entire year to maintain the illusion of reality.

And only 10 days after its premiere, the director was charged with obscenity and the film confiscated. All copies were to be turned over to the authorities. There are currently a range of versions that have been edited to varying degrees and are allowed for circulation.

#1 - A Serbian Film (2010)

No.

Nope.

Don’t do it. Don’t watch this film.

A Serbian Film follows a retired porn star who agrees to feature in an “art film” for some cash. Little does he know this film will include rape, incest, pedophilia, necrophilia…

Just don’t watch it.

It is still banned in South Korea, New Zealand, Australia. It is supposedly a parody of politically correct films made in Serbia that are funded by foreign groups and allegedly speaks openly about post-war society and the struggle for survival.

*shakes head*

Off to have a 3 hour shower, brb.

If you, uhhh, liked this post please like and reblog.

And if you want to hear more about horror and the supernatural every week hit follow!

[angelanimedesaray]

Wings in the Dark Chapter 5:  Camaraderie

AN:  More Cat and Mouse.  I swear its gonna start to crescendo, guys, we’re almost there XD  There’s just so much to establish!

Characters:  Fem!Vampire!Reader, Levi, Petra, Oluo, Gunther, Eld

Pairing:  (Eventual)  Levi x Fem!Vampire!Reader

Warnings:  Language, Loneliness, Depressed Thoughts

Word Count:  8146

<----Previous Chapter    Masterlist    Next Chapter---->

*Reader’s POV*

While it wasn’t the most shocking thing that had ever happened to you, being instated as a member, but not technically a member, of the Special Operations Squad was definitely up there on your list of most surprising things that had happened to you.  The weird in-between position they gave you to try and mediate how unprecedented it was to have a rookie join Levi Squad after just one expedition may have been a glorified lackey, but it was still a position with Captain Levi’s Squad.

Of course, right now, that consisted of doing the menial chores, message delivery, and other small tasks like that, but you were still a part of the team.  They’d only given you this aid position they’d made on the spot because you were so new, and it did a decent job of putting you at the bottom of the food chain until you were more seasoned.  However, you were still considered part of Captain Levi’s Squad--you had your own private chambers and everything, which meant you wouldn’t have to worry about not waking up anyone while you snuck out of the barracks every once in a while to get something to eat.

Also, now that you were officially being placed with a squad, you knew what people you had to try and made friends with.  Before you’d been hesitant--sure, you understood that the Scouts operated in a way that was going to make teamwork and camaraderie important, so you were going to have to be more social, but you still wanted to be careful about who you let get close.  You still had an instinct to keep everyone at an arm’s length besides those you /had/ to keep close, which you had rationalized would include whoever you were put under and the rest of your squad.

While you’d known Levi was watching you and the rumors had been running rampant that a rookie would be joining his squad, you’d been well aware that he wasn’t watching you because he wanted to add you to the group--he was suspicious of you.  That sparring match you’d had with him had tipped him off, and he hadn’t relented in his pursuit ever since then.  In fact, when he’d told you that you were going to be a part of his squad, he didn’t look entirely pleased about it.  Sure, Captain Levi was usually hard to read and usually appeared distant or unapproachable, but the look in his eyes had been...colder.  It made you suspicious that having you on the squad had not been his decision, or at the very least it had been one he’d made despite his reservations.

Keep your enemies close, right?

Once it was on the table that this might be a position meant solely as an excuse to keep a closer eye on you, it made your skin crawl, and you approached every situation with caution.  You had to watch every step, like you were walking across a tightrope and would drown if you slipped and fell into the waters down below.

When you’d joined the Scouts, you knew that it was going to be difficult to balance being a Scout with hiding your true nature, but this was far beyond what you had expected.  It made you dearly wish that you had thrown that match back on the training grounds, that he’d never gotten a sense that you were hiding something so fiercely.  

Soon, you were going to be kept up at night with an internal struggle to either stick it out and try to endure so you could do what you came here to do, or if you should just take off and slink back into the shadows.

But you couldn’t bear the thought of going back to that life, as much as it might have been ‘safer’ in a way.  You wanted desperately to be here--but did you want it bad enough that you were going to throw all caution to the wind, risk the Captain getting too close to your secret.  In the past, before you’d joined the military, you’d killed the people who came too close to exposing you.  But that wasn’t an option, here.  You knew how valuable Captain Levi was to the Scouts--humanity couldn’t afford to lose him, so you couldn’t afford to touch him.  Your only choice was to play this god forsaken cat and mouse game and pray that you came out on top.

Thankfully, the other members of the squad weren’t aware of the cat and mouse you and Levi were caught up in--not yet, anyway.  Though they were understandably confused and even a little irritated at the inclusion of a still-green rookie, even if it was as an aid.  Maybe the aid position caused a bit more tension, because a new position had been created just so you could be added to the group.

Give it time, you told yourself as you continued cleaning your private room that had been assigned to you, currently working on cleaning the desk off until it had a polished shine to it.  Even if Levi hadn’t added you to the squad because he necessarily wanted you here, you were still going to prove that you could belong here, if they would let you.

“Did you finish with the stables?”

“Yes, sir.  Mucked out, equipment cleaned, horses fed, watered, and brushed, shoes cleaned, all of it.”

“What about cleaning inside, have you done all the tasks you were assigned?”

“All except what Oluo asked me to do.  I haven’t got there yet."

"Well, get to it.  And when you're done come down to the training grounds for some training."

"Yes, sir!"

As you walked away from Eld, your ears picked up on a passing comment he made to Gunther when he thought you were out of earshot.

“Is it just me, or is it frustrating how easily and quickly she tends to get all of her tasks done?  I can’t even find anything wrong with it, so I can’t claim she’s rushing through it!”

"You too?  I thought it was just Oluo complaining about that."

Just as you'd suspected.  The others weren't pleased with your easy access to this position.  They weren't going to say anything because they trusted Levi’s judgement and as far as they knew it was his decision, but that didn't mean they weren't going to be at least a little irritated.  How long had it taken before they'd been added to Levi’s squad?  How many expeditions, how much hard work?  By all accounts, it looked like you'd had smooth and effortless sailing into a position among the elite.

The fact they kept having you do the shit chores was just a way to kick you back in the dirt and remind you that you were still a rookie, and they were the veterans with experience.

However, you didn't complain.  You could do the jobs faster than anyone without loosing accuracy because of it.  Not to mention you felt it might be cathartic for their frustrations.  Though, now it seemed they had a new reason to be frustrated.

You'd tone it back to appease them, but Levi already knew what your full effort looked like with the cleaning jobs--he'd know you were holding back, and you highly doubted he'd appreciate that when it came to cleaning, knowing his standards.

Quickly, you made your way back inside and up to Oluo's chambers, stopping outside the door and giving a firm knock.

"Who's there?"

"It's L/N, you said you had a job for me to do?"

"It's about time you showed up.  Get in here!"

After he'd officially invited you inside, you opened the door, stepping inside and expecting to see paperwork or supplies or something else you would have to deliver or put away.

Nope.  Oluo was standing there with cleaning supplies presented in the middle of the room.  You immediately knew where this was going, and even you could tell it wasn't going to end well.

"Start cleaning, rookie.  I've got more important things I have to get done, and I want it shining by the time I get back," Oluo ordered, complete with a puffed out chest.

You were supposed to follow their orders without question, but you knew Oluo was taking advantage of that fact.  Maybe he was hoping having you clean his quarters before Levi inspected them later today would help him look better to the Captain.  But you were also certain that Levi would recognize that it was your work and not Oluo's

For Oluo's sake, since you were certain he would be the one getting in trouble, you pushed back slightly.

"Doesn't Captain Levi prefer if we clean our own spaces?" You asked as you picked up the broom.  Oluo turned by the door, fixing you with the imitation of an expression befitting a superior who'd just heard a subordinate talk back.

"Huh?  How long have you been here, rookie, compared to me?" Oluo challenged.  You shrugged, turning back to the cleaning supplies and the room you were supposed to clean.

His funeral.

The window was open to let in natural light and try to chase away the gloomy atmosphere in your room, silence filling the space except for the birds outside and the scratching against the paper you were currently drawing on.  Your eyes, however, were unfocused, looking past the piece you were drawing and instead getting lost in the sea of your depressed thoughts.

For three years you’d been back among people, mingling and being a part of society, but never had you felt so...ostracized.  You were among people, but you weren’t close to anyone.  Your peers thought you were a haughty perfectionist ice queen and were irritated by how easily everything came to you, Captain Levi was suspicious that there was something you were hiding and was watching your every move with a coldness in his eyes, and your new squad mates were currently using you as the gopher to dump all the chores they didn’t want to do onto you while giving you examining, dubious looks from a distance trying to figure out why you were even here.

You sat alone at meals, you didn’t go anywhere on your days off--the closest thing you had to a companion were the horses, and most of them were still frightened by you.

You wanted to be here, but...it was getting so hard just to be here.  Was it really worth it if you were going to spend your days feeling like this?

On the paper spread out in front of you, you had a picture drawn from the mental image in your mind’s eye--a single flower in a barren spot surrounded by lush field.  The sun shone everywhere else, but this single spot was cast in shadow.  Despite the barren ground and the lack of sunlight, the flower was trying to bloom, partially budded, some petals trying to uncurl, but ice covered it’s petals and held prisoner it’s stem, restraining it in the icy chill, needing assistance but nothing around it willing or able to help.

You put down what you were drawing with, a lump in your throat and tears in your eyes as you headed over to your bed and stretched out on top of the neatly made covers, arms digging under the pillow you buried your face in before tears could overflow.

You were surrounded by people, but you’d never felt so lonely, and you wanted it to change.  Even though you’d signed up for this and known it would be difficult, you couldn’t take living like this anymore.  Something had to change.  You didn’t know how you were going to keep your secret while trying to let people in enough to form bonds, but it was the only real option that you had.

The guys were all dubious of you, you could tell from overheard conversations and the looks in their eyes, but Petra...well, you thought if you were going to start trying to build a friendship somewhere, she might be the one to go to.  She’d been a bit more...open, about the whole arrangement, and she was actually asking for help and trying to get a feel for you while everyone else seemed to be going out of their way to remind you that you were at the bottom of the food chain right now.

Starting tomorrow...you were going to try and be a companion and hopefully manage to find some friendship.  Starting with Petra.

*Petra’s POV*

The mess hall was noisy as ever, making it a little surprising that Captain Levi was still sitting with them at the table after repeating the lecture he'd given Oluo later about doing his own cleaning.  Now that Oluo had attempted to have the rookie clean his space and then pass it off as his own, the rest of them got to get the warning to do their own responsibilities without shoving them all off on the new girl.

Petra had felt bad that she seemed to be getting all the crap jobs nobody wanted to do and then some while the others seemed determined to make sure she knew her place, but she hadn't said anything because not once had the woman complained or looked the least bit upset by it.  Until today, Petra had been unsure how to even approach her, something about her making her seem closed off and unreachable.

However, today she had approached Petra, quietly asking Petra if she would teach her the nuances for how everything was cleaned around here.  Preferences of soaps and organization, what went where and the like.  You could clean till everything shone like a new coin, bur preferences had to be taught or learned.  She'd been aware of it, and she had been humble enough to approach Petra for answers.

It was only when she was approached that Petra suddenly realized how alone the woman seemed.  She never ate with them--in fact she was certain she ate alone--and she was never seen around anyone from her years as a cadet, she didn't seem to leave headquarters to visit family, and if you needed to find her she was either alone in her room or with the horses in the stable.  She was never with someone unless she was doing her job.

The thing that made Petra realize all this was how she was approached.  The woman shifted her weight, a white knuckle grip on the broom in her hand despite visible restraint, her eyes fixed down and to the side, a slight tremble in her hand and a hunch of her shoulders like she was anticipating some negative reaction, or at least reluctance.

It wasn't right.  She was part of their squad, and it was their job to make sure she felt included.  Captain Levi must have felt that she was ready on some level to be here, and they were her comrades.  At the very least, she should have a place among them--she shouldn't be so alone.

So, while everyone else was chatting as usual around the table, Petra kept an eye out for their new squad member.  It took a while, but when the woman finally appeared and left the line to get her food, Petra attempted to catch her attention without the others noticing.

They locked gazes, and Y/N hesitated before she approached their table, making the others look up as she came astride the table.

"May I sit here?" she asked hesitantly, gaze flickering around at the others and lingering briefly on Captain Levi at the head of the table.

"Of course," Petra said instantly, gesturing to an empty seat beside her and flashing a look at the others daring them to disagree while Y/N was taking her seat.  "It's about time you started sitting with your squad."

Her cheeks tinged pink in mild embarrassment, Y/N took a few bites of her meal, clearly uncertain about what to do next.

Well, if everyone else was just going to sit here in awkward silence, and Y/N wasn’t going to take the initiative because she wasn’t sure how, Petra would just have to do it herself.

“So, where are you from?” Petra asked her.  It was probably the best, simple answer to get the ball rolling on conversation.

“A small town in Wall Rose--it tends to get overlooked, and it's usually quiet around there except the occasional scandal.”

“Do you have much family back home?”

“No, it’s just me.”

The way she said it was short, clearly ending the topic there, but she managed to not make it sound mean--just that she wasn’t entirely comfortable talking about it, which made sense.  Petra continued to chat with her, asking simple questions to try and learn more about her, basing some off her observations of the woman--like if she was good with animals.  Apparently animals weren’t always that fond of her, but she had a soft spot for them despite some animals distaste of her.  She thought she might be good with cats or birds, but hadn’t really had the opportunity to test her theory out.

After a bit of back and forth between Petra and Y/N about their lives and learning about one another, the others started to join in as well--aside from Captain Levi, who seemed content to just focus on his meal and listen while everyone talked around him.  As the conversation flowed a little more naturally, Y/N started to loosen up and relax, taking charge of the conversation a few times to ask about the others as well as she bloomed from a closed off background character in a novel to a more outgoing and engaging individual.  It was quite the change to witness.  She still withdrew into herself with more personal questions, especially about her past before joining the Scouts, which gave Petra the impression that the Scouts were a sort of fresh start for the woman.  She shared with them why she’d joined the Scouts, which none of them could deny was a valid enough reason after seeing her in action.  She had skill, and if she wanted those skills to be put to use, the Scouts were arguably the best place for them, and the faction of the military with the strongest need for them.  Besides, who didn’t want to feel useful?  Unfortunately, many Scouts died, and some died so quickly it was easy to wonder if their deaths ever had any meaning to begin with, if it had been worth it.  However, Petra had the feeling this one wasn’t going to be one of those recruits that appeared and disappeared without ever leaving much of a mark.  She just might be around for a while, especially if she was going to take the time to learn from the elites she’d been placed with and stayed grounded, level-headed, and smart.

As the questions drifted away from the personal, in part because of Y/N’s continued reluctance to delve too deeply into the personal, they started peppering her with the twenty-questions kinds of inquiries.  What were her likes and dislikes, favorites, hobbies, fears, aspirations, that kind of thing.  Some she was able to answer relatively quickly, even if it wasn’t simple, such as having no clear favorite because she liked so many, and other times she hesitated, such as when she was asked aspirations, because she hadn’t given it much thought, being so focused on this current stage of her life.

“What about biggest fears?”

“Oluo!” Petra protested, giving him a dirty look.  They were all eating, and this question alone could get extremely dark considering the horrors they faced every day outside the wall.

“What?  It’s a legitimate question.  Some people are scared of spiders, others heights--though you don’t get much of that one in the military, I think--it could be all kinds of things.”

"I think the answer to that is a little too morbid for dinner conversation," Y/N said with a slightly weak smile, which made Petra think it might actually be something to do with Titans.  If it was, it was probably best they didn’t hear it, just in case.

"Nah, it's fine, we're sharing--so what is it?  Fire?  Dolls?  Dead fish?" Oluo asked cheekily.

"Um...being buried alive, actually," Y/N answered, looking down and picking at her food.

"Damn, that is a pretty scary thought.  Wasn't expecting that one," Oluo muttered.  Petra wasn’t paying attention to him--she was reading Y/N’s body language, how she’d seemed to withdraw into herself and her hand was trembling as she pushed around the food left on her plate.  It was most likely at the thought of this fear of hers, if Petra had to guess.  The mental imagery alone was terrifying.

At the other end of the table, Levi was staring at Y/N intently, having noticed the same things, and a little more.

“Now that Oluo has officially tried to sabotage the evening, let’s try some gossip:  I hear you had a knack for sneaking out in the Cadet Corps and never got caught.  What were you doing?  I’ve heard some interesting theories,” Gunther said with a perceiving glint in his eyes.  Y/N sighed even as everyone’s attention centered on her.

“God damn those rumors are going to follow me for the rest of my life, aren’t they?” she mused, not denying that she snuck out as she took a slow drink.

“Well, Rookie?  Care to share?” Oluo asked as she sat down her drink.

She turned to look at the rest of the group, and then with an unreadable expression and in a completely deadpan tone, stated, "I strip naked in the pale moonlight and conduct blood rituals to achieve perfection."

There was a heartbeat, and then snorts, chuckles, a ripple of amusement through the group at the joke.

"Rookie's got a sense of humor," Oluo mused.

Y/N’s lips quirked towards a half smile, taking another drink.  "Wish I could say the same for you."

There was a bit more laughter this time, even as Oluo scowled, no one bothering to hide their amusement at the comment.

"And some snark, to boot," Gunther snickered as Oluo sulked.  “But really, though, what were you doing?”

Y/N sighed, setting down her drink again.  “It wasn’t...actually, you know what,” she said with a sparkle in her eye and a mischievous smile.  “I hear there’s a pot for the theories.  Place bets on it, maybe one day I’ll actually tell you.  Maybe I won’t.”

“Oh, come on,” Oluo complained loudly.

“Now that’s just mean,” Petra said with a cluck of her tongue and a shake of her head while Y/N settled back down, visibly proud of her teasing.

Caught up in their banter and companionable discussion, no one noticed how at the head of the table, laid back in his chair, Levi showed no sign of amusement, his gaze fixated on Y/N with a sharp, cold look.

*Reader’s POV*

After you’d taken your first steps towards developing a warmer relationship with your squad mates, things started to go a bit easier for you.  You were still at the bottom of the food chain, and the responsibilities as an aid hadn’t changed, but you didn’t think you were getting as much shit dumped on you.  It probably helped that Captain Levi had apparently given them a lecture about doing their own chores instead of getting lazy and shoving them all off on her.

For the most part, it was Petra that you were getting close to.  The others were becoming cordial, and you had even approached Eld asking him if he could give you lessons on ODM gear technique after hearing he was quite skilled at utilizing the ODM gear.  That seemed to have helped the relationship there--frankly, whenever you showed a bit of humility about still having a lot to learn, they warmed up a bit more.

It seemed there had been concerns that you would be an arrogant big headed pain in their asses with how quickly you’d shot into the elite squad, and showing them that you still considered yourself in a learning position and not above anyone helped assuage those fears.

Captain Levi...was as suspicious of you as ever.  Except now you were around him enough to feel the chill in his gaze even after you left his presence.  That was a relationship you weren’t sure you were in a position to improve.  You’d given him plenty of reasons to be suspicious of you, but you were still trying your damnedest not to give him a reason to mistrust you.  Maybe it would just take time to prove yourself in his eyes, but at this rate, it was looking like a /deep/ hole you were going to have to climb out of, and for some reason, it just kept getting deeper.

Since it was going to be the more difficult task, you resolved to worry about making a better relationship with Captain Levi later and instead focus on improving the relationship with your squad mates.  Firstly, you didn’t want to be a kiss ass, especially cause you knew it would be obvious.  Second, ideally by the time you set about improving your relationship with the Captain, he might have warmed up a bit to you.

At the very least, it would be nice if that chill wasn’t in his gaze anymore.

Right now, Petra was the closest thing to a confidant and friend that you had.  After you had initially approached her about learning the nuances for cleaning, she’d taken the initiative to help you learn the ropes and adjust to the other nuances of being in Levi Squad, which involved a lot of dos and don’ts.  She’d even pulled you aside one evening and sat you down so she could teach you how to properly make Captain Levi’s tea how he liked it, so that if or when he asked for it--and apparently he eventually asked everyone at some point, at least to gauge their tea making skills--you would be ready.  You’d been down in the kitchen for a surprisingly long time for that one, since apparently Levi liked his black tea made a very specific way, and additives weren’t usually his preference, so there would be no masking any off taste.

Shortly after, you’d decided to let Petra know about your secret little garden with your tea making herbs.  You’d gone when you both had some free time to spare, crouching down beside the garden and talking with her about the different herbs for your blends you’d added and why, complete with a prepared excuse about why the white sage was so far away from the rest and why you wore gloves when handling the plans at all times.

The white sage you told her needed to stay separate because it was aggressive and you didn’t want it taking over the smaller herbs, when you really kept it separate because it burned at the touch and you didn’t want to risk even accidentally brushing against it while you were working on this hobby of yours.  As for the gloves, it was the same concept--it let you handle the sage safely without harming yourself, though you told her it was for cleanliness and to keep your natural oils off of the tea herb plants.

As you’d chatted about the herbs in your garden and potential additions (With Petra suggesting adding the plants necessary to make some black tea blends of your own), you’d caught a familiar scent on the breeze, which led you to hone your senses on the individual’s breathing and heartbeat.  They were staying a safe distance away so as not to be noticed, but close enough that if something happened they would be there in an instant.  They were tense and cautious, listening intently to what was being discussed.

It seemed Captain Levi had reached the point he didn’t trust you alone with the other members of Squad Levi in places that were hidden from the public eye.  Your best guess for his presence was that it was out of concern for Petra, wanting to make sure the other woman was truly safe in your presence.

Once again, you understood his cautiousness, and he wasn’t wrong to be cautious...but the level of distrust still cut.

After about a week or so spent developing a stronger bond with your new squad mates, as the time for another feed drew closer, you decided to confide in some of your concerns with Petra regarding Captain Levi--that you felt you might have made a bad impression on him early on and wanted a way to thaw some of the ice between you two that wouldn’t look like bribery or like you were trying to kiss ass.  You’d tossed a couple ideas around, already reassuring her that you were already intending to let time tell and let your own personality and abilities do most of the work, but that the chill was getting a little too uncomfortable on your end for you to keep going without making some kind of first step.

With an upcoming holiday and a debate about the best approach, you’d eventually settled on putting together a small gift of personalized tea blends.  Since you didn’t have anything mature in your garden for black tea, you had to go into town to get missing ingredients, going with Petra to get her opinion on the best leaves, best tea bags, any additions that you didn’t have in your garden back with the Scouts or that hadn’t matured enough to use anything from it yet like your rosebush.  After you had all of your materials, you’d headed back to HQ and stowed yourselves away in the kitchen to get to work.

Petra had the idea to make a couple different variations--there would be plain black tea, of course, but you’d also had some personal blends that you two decided on, mostly based off of Petra’s experience making Levi his tea when asked to, and her past observations of the few times he’d added something to it.  You would have to divide and label the different teas in the container, but it would make it a little more personal.

However, you got her attention when you brought out the white sage, gloved hands grinding the herb up into a fine powder with a mortar and pestle.

“What’s that for?” she asked with a slight frown, watching you intently grinding at the white sage to make sure it was all powder and there weren’t any chunks left.

“I’m going...to add a light dusting of the white sage over the tea bags.  Hopefully not enough to alter the taste, but it will still be in there,” you murmured, covered fingers running through the powder to check how fine you’d made it.

“I know there’s superstitions about white sage cleansing of evil and bad spirits, but I know the Captain isn’t, and you didn’t take me for the superstitious type.  I just figured you had a fancy taste in tea,” Petra mused.  You almost snorted, but stopped yourself short considering you were currently directly over the powdered sage and didn’t want it to go everywhere.

“While I’m sure the superstitious intent of cleansing and warding off evil adds a bit more personal good intent, the short version is that it’s also supposed to do wonders for your health.  At least according to that book that’s still stashed in my desk,” you chuckled.

“I didn’t know that...a fine addition, then.  You really pay attention to that herbology book of yours,” Petra quipped with a friendly smile, which you returned before setting the white sage aside for later, when your tea bags were finished.

Though only you would know it, if he kept the tea and used it frequently--which was fairly likely with how much tea he drank--then he would have white sage in his system frequently.  That alone would protect him substantially from any other vampires lurking in the darkness.  You couldn’t predict the actions of other vampires, especially with how impulsive they could sometimes be, but if you were this deep in the Scouts, you would rather be safe than sorry, especially if someone with ill intentions managed to work their way in.

Sure, white sage helped with general health, but the real reason you were adding it was for your own peace of mind to help protect Captain Levi.  Why not take the opportunity to do so now that it had presented itself.  If you were in the position to, you would give similar gifts of secret protection to more than just him, but you only had so much white sage, and right now, he was the one you had an excuse to do this for.

Now you just had to hope he would accept it.

*Levi’s POV*

As much as Erwin had a point about being able to keep a closer eye on L/N by having her in his squad, Levi was finding the arrangement to be...complicating.  The way she presented herself, interacted with the others, the hard work she was putting in, he kept finding himself softening towards her because of it.  She was a good soldier who truly put in the effort and then some, and she was quickly growing on the rest of the team.  She was observant and thoughtful, and she paid close attention to the needs and preferences of the people around her.  She wasn’t boastful or arrogant, and apparently was trying to learn something from every member of the squad.  Petra had already taken her in like the natural mother hen she was and was around her quite often, but L/N could be seen around the others as well, just not as much.

For fuck’s sake, she’d even befriended his goddamn horse--he’d caught her in the stables sneaking him some oats and getting playfully nuzzled in return.  From her track record, he knew she had to have put in the effort for that to happen, too, considering the horses started off at least spooked by her.

But he knew she was hiding something.  He couldn’t ignore the signs he’d picked up on until now, how she dodged the personal and tried to keep her past hidden and buried, couldn’t forget the smell of the Underground and blood on her cape, her lack of a past, her unexplained, effortless natural skills, the regular sneaking out to do who knew what.  Maybe it wasn’t as insidious as he kept thinking it might be, maybe he should ease up a bit instead of freezing her out and treating her like an already convicted traitor.  But he couldn’t shake this feeling that whatever she was hiding was far from innocent, and he didn’t want to risk the betrayal, or getting his squad any more mixed up in it than they already were.

Though how well they were starting to take to her and how she was already being included into the fold, he was starting to get the sense that he was on a time limit before uncovering her as a traitor or something else terrible would cause unexpected damage.

Of course, he could take the paranoid route and assume that it was all clever, carefully planned movements, actions, and words meant to manipulate everyone around her into trusting her and letting their guards down.  Unfortunately, not only was that extremely paranoid, but she didn’t lack the sincerity behind much of what she did like certain psychopaths he’d met in the past.  She was very clearly hiding things, and she knew she was being watched, but her sincerity didn’t ring hollow because of it.

Fuck, he hated being in this position.  And he really hated that he’d agreed to Erwin’s idea to put him in this situation.  Even he knew he was being especially cold to her as if it would help put some distance between himself and the warm individual who was working her ass off for him and his squad in case the worst happened.  If he was wrong, though, and what she was hiding wasn’t as malicious as he felt it might be, then he was going to have a lot of reparations to deal with going forward, especially since she was already on the fast track to be a part of his squad for a long time moving forward so long as she continued to survive the expeditions.

It would be so much easier if she just came clean.  They wouldn’t have to do all this back and forth, cat and mouse, and they could move on.  Unfortunately, even though she knew she was being watched and Levi was suspicious, she wasn’t saying anything beyond that comment she’d made the night before the expedition.  Just another reason to believe whatever she was hiding was ugly.

There was a knock on his door, and his gaze flickered up to the shut door across from his desk, a faint frown on his face and Erwin’s findings about L/N spread out in front of him as he was in the middle of contemplating next moves.

“What?” he asked, squinting slightly at the door.

“It’s Y/N L/N.  May I come in, Captain?”

Instinctively, Levi covered the documents he’d been looking at with anything that didn’t have to do with her, from supply shortage lists, reports from Hange and Erwin about the Scouts in general, anything but what he was looking at about her, knowing she had a sharp eye and not wanting to risk her seeing just how much he was aware of.

“Fine, come in,” Levi muttered, arm lying against the desk as the door opened after he spoke, and L/N came in hesitantly, something in hand.

A delivery, then.  It was too much to hope she’d come to finally confess her secret to put an end to their unspoken chase.  A pity.

As she approached, Levi noticed that she was rather fidgety, obviously nervous or at least a little embarrassed, and she was clutching the tin box in her hand rather rightly.  What the hell was this about that suddenly she was a nervous cadet instead of the relatively calm and steady individual he’d been chasing secrets over up until now?

And then he remembered what day it was.

You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me...

As understanding lit up in his eyes, he held up a hand.  “If this is an attempt at a bribe, L/N--”

“It’s not,” she said firmly, and Levi had to give credit to the balls she had to cut him off like that.  She didn’t even seem to regret it, plowing forward before he could start down the path of rejection again.

“It’s a gift, no strings attached or anything like that.  Petra and I put it together, it’s for the holiday...and it’s also partially a thank you, on my part,” she said before taking a deep breath, setting the box down on his desk neatly on a clean space front and center before stepping away.  “I know I haven’t made the best impression, and you didn’t have to put me with your squad in any capacity, but you did, and I intend to make sure it’s not something you end up regretting.”

It seemed they were both well aware of the game they were trapped in, and she was well aware of her position.  He had to give her credit for not bolting, if she knew the position she was in and how much scrutiny she was under.  Either she didn’t feel what she had to hide was that serious, which wasn’t likely with how hard she was trying to hide it, or she was that confident in her abilities to keep the truth hidden.

He still wasn’t sure he could entirely believe that this wasn’t a bribe, though.  It could very easily be taken as one, or at least a thinly veiled attempt to get him to like her--or at least not be as cold with her.  And she’d involved Petra.  It was almost like she’d name dropped the other woman in order to prevent him from immediately rejecting the gift, because it wasn’t just her that had put effort into it.

Levi stared her up and down intently, eyes narrowed slightly out of suspicion as he tried to gauge her intentions and sincerity.  After a few tense moments where she simply endured his piercing stare without so much as a tremble--there was the collected individual he’d seen up until now--he looked away, down at the papers across his desk.

“If that’s all, you can go,” he said bluntly as a way of dismissal.  She was lucky he wasn’t telling her to take it back.  He wasn’t openly accepting it, either, he was still going to decide what to do with it, but he wasn’t sending it back with her, either.

It was the closest she was going to get to accepting a gift right now.

L/N snapped a salute, apparently deciding it was better not to say anything and to just take the semi-win and leave.  Once the door shut behind her, Levi waited a few more moments before he put the random papers he’d grabbed back where they belonged, pulling the tin close so he could get a look at what was inside now that she’d left.

Opening the tin, the fragrance that escaped immediately told him what the gift was--black tea, but a variety of different blends.  And it was good tea, too, if the scent was anything to go by.  Groups of the tea bags were sectioned off, labeled by the variant they were, such as the one blend that included lemon, or the one that seemed to have blackberries in it.  The tea bags were definitely homemade, telling him the blends were specially made by her and Petra, thought going into the ingredients.  There was a white powder dusted over all the tea bags that turned out to be white sage upon closer inspection.

An odd choice...especially since it was on every tea bag and not certain blends.

The wild thought crossed his mind that they might be poisoned, and he scowled, attempting to brush aside the paranoia with the thought that it would be far too bold and obvious of a move, especially with Petra helping put it together.  He doubted she would have been able to get such a thing past Petra, too, considering the woman’s experience making Levi’s tea.

I’m going fucking crazy, he thought to himself as, despite his rationalization, he pulled out one of the tea bags and started methodically pulling it apart piece by piece to make sure there wasn’t anything fatal slipped into the homemade blend.  He made sure to avoid touching it as little as possible so it was still usable when he was done, shifting through the ingredients in the blend and making sure he recognized every one.

Nothing suspicious about it.  Aside from the odd choice of white sage.

If it really was meant to be a bribe, though, did he want to take it?  He didn’t want to waste the tea, so he wasn’t going to just throw it out.  He could re-gift it to Hange or Erwin, but he knew that would be a slight, and L/N hadn’t been the only one to make it--Petra had helped.

Dammit…

He’d just have to let it sit there until he could figure out what he was going to do with it.  He could speculate on conspiracy theories about what it was meant to be, if it really was anything more than a gift, until he figured out how he was going to handle it.

It really could be what she said, though--a gift for the holidays and a thank you, maybe even a peace offering in the hopes things wouldn’t continue to be so tense between them.  The contention would continue, though, until he found out what she was hiding.

Levi settled back into what he’d been doing before she came to his office, looking over the details Erwin had provided him, a small frown on his face as he looked over official documents and police reports that were roughly forty years old about a double homicide in the town that had spawned local legends and horror stories to frighten children.  Why was this included in the report Erwin gave him?  One of the two victims was the girl that L/N shared a first name with, the only thing resembling a tangible connection to the town she claimed as her hometown that Erwin could find.

He was going to have to talk to Erwin and try to get a day or two off so he could go investigate in person.  He needed more information than what was in these reports, and he would only find what he wanted by going there in person.

Once more, there was a knock on the door, this time followed immediately by a familiar voice calling, “Captain?”

Ah, this was a meeting he’d been waiting for.

“You can come in, Petra,” he called, finally putting away Erwin’s reports in a safe place as Petra entered the room and headed for Levi’s desk.  She didn’t bother asking why he asked her to meet him, simply took a seat and waited for him to speak.

“What do you think about our new member?” Levi asked after he got settled in his seat.  Petra’s surprised eyes wandered to the gift still sitting on the desk, a questioning look in her eyes even though she complied to answering his question.

“Do you mean in skills or compatibility?” Petra asked for clarification after a moment’s hesitation.

“Compatibility.”

He was already well aware of her skills--she wouldn’t have even been placed as an aid in the squad if she didn’t have skills to become one of the elite.  Skill was one of the first things he looked at when choosing squad members.

Petra seemed even more confused that he was asking after her personality more than anything, but again, she didn’t question him.

“She’s quiet and reserved, for the most part, but after spending a couple weeks with her, once you manage to get her to open up she has a warm and caring personality.  She’s a little socially timid, though, I’m sure you’ve noticed; like she’s thinking of how she should act before she does or says something.  At least at first, before she gets more comfortable and gets into the flow of conversation.”

Petra paused to consider, a small frown on her face.  “She’s a creature of habit, that’s for sure--she’s always wearing the same necklace, all the time--I’ve never seen her without it, and there’s certain places she’s always at during certain times of the day.  I’m a little worried about her health, though.  I didn’t notice it at first, but she hardly seems to eat.  She doesn’t get much on her plate, and she’s always smuggling things that are safe for horses to eat to the stables to bribe the horses instead of eating it herself.  She doesn’t seem affected, not yet anyway, but I’m still worried about it.”

Taking the mental notes for later in case that information proved important, Levi pressed a little further.  “What about the others?  It seems like she’s fitting in well.”

Petra nodded.  “She’s getting lessons of some kind from almost everyone, and she’s been a lot better about being social.  She’s making a genuine effort to be a part of the squad, and to be perfectly honest, I like having her around.”

“Anything else?”

Petra’s gaze flickered over to the box sitting on the desk again.  “If it’s not too presumptuous, Captain--I don’t know what impression she made when you two first met.  She mentioned it may not have been the best first impression, but...she really is trying to be worth the chance she’s been given to be a part of this squad, and her attempts appear genuine to me.  Perhaps give her another chance to make a better impression.”

Levi didn’t answer her, and he kept his expression unreadable so she wouldn’t see his reaction to her words.  It was more incentive for him to close this messy chapter, and it helped clear up his thoughts on how to act going forward if this secret didn’t turn out to be something crazy like treason or murder.

“Thank you, Petra.  You can go, now,” Levi finally answered in an indifferent voice.  Petra got up and gave a quick salute, then quietly left the room without any further comment.  Once she was gone, Levi got to his feet with a slight sigh.

He needed to see Erwin.

Next Chapter---->

Levi Tags:  @clary-quinn @humanitys-hottestsoldier@whalerus @sunny-flo @thirstyforsometea​

Wings in the Dark Tags:  @regalillegal @animeluver23 @theshylittleelfgirl @queenthorin1 @dilucs-thighs @sociallyanxiousmouse

[actualbird]

nobody asked but here are my personal top five pat gill videos | a 2.1k word long post where i rank and review pat gill’s videos for just way too long.

Right around the tail end of April, 2020, I fell into the rabbit hole of my current obsession; Polygon Dot Com Video Content. As a consequence of this was being introduced to the phenomenon of Pat Gill. A dire consequence of that consequence was me slowly, deeply, irrevocably, finding myself attracted to this marionette of a man. So, I enjoy his content and I think he’s hot and that combined with the fact that some of my friends bully me over that latter fact has inspired me to do this: rank my personal favorite Pat Gill videos in a post that’s entirely too long.

Before I get straight into the rankings, I need to explain my process. 

First, I needed to narrow my scope. Polygon has a lot of videos. Polygon has a lot of videos with Pat Gill in them. If I didn’t narrow my scope, I would either go bonkers yonkers or have a list that would be kilometric in length and thus miss the entire point of ranking altogether. So, for my sanity, I am excluding any videos that are a part of a Polygon video series. This means no Overboard, no Gill and Gilbert, no Video Game Theatre, etc. If I included these, I would cry. I do not want to cry over Polygon Dot Com Video Producer Pat Gill.

Second, I need a criteria. If I just ranked videos with no system, I would find myself endlessly rearranging my list based on whatever thought comes out on top in my mind at the given moment. I am a disorganized person, so I need rules. I have decided that I will rank Pat Gill videos using the EEEH criteria. 

Entertainment. Do I smile, watching the video? Do I chortle? Am I filled with the embarrassing urge to show this video to my sister and derive glee from her laughing at the exact same moment I laughed? Entertainment is key.

Education. Did I come out of this video knowing something I originally did not know? More importantly, was I engaged in the learning process? I come from a family of teachers, so I have high standards when it comes to education. If I am to learn, I must learn well.

Exaltation. This is a bit of an oddball criteria, but it is important to me. The word “exalted” is defined as “elevated in rank, character, or status.” This criteria refers to how good it is at exalting, elevating, pulling me out of a depressive episode. That is to say I’ve been in a depressive episode for the past month and whether or not the video made me stop crying and brush my teeth is essential. Polygon video content has been integral to my serotonin production lately, and thus the video’s ability of acting as an audiovisual antidepressant for me factors into the rankings.

[BONUS POINTS] Hotness. How Hot Is Pat Gill In It? I felt bad, morally, ranking videos based on how good looking I thought Pat Gill was in it---because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and all that, and people don’t exist to be beautiful, they just are, and I agree---so I’m relegating this criteria as a bonus point. Standard is 0, because he’s always hot in my mind, but he gets plus points if he is exemplary in the hotness department.

The maximum score for each of these criteria is 5 points, making the perfect score a 15, but because of the bonus points, a 20 is, hypothetically, possible. 

With that out of the way, let me dive right into it. 

5. The fastest interview ever with Ben Schwartz from Sonic the Hedgehog

Entertainment: 5 Education: 2 Exaltation: 2 Hotness: +2 Total Score: 11

Pat Gill is a good interviewer, he’s engaging and fun and keeps the interview interesting, but this interview is particularly special because it seems that, and let me quote Youtube user AudreyN who left a comment on this video stating “ben schwartz consumed all seven chaos emeralds prior to this interview.” Pat Gill and Ben Schwartz’s dynamic is amazing, and by “dynamic” I do mean “Ben Schwartz absolutely just fucking dunking on Pat Gill for 14 entire minutes.” and it is glorious.

For Entertainment this scores a solid 5. Quite honestly the funniest interview I’ve ever watched in my entire life. Just the sheer beauty in the exchange [Pat] “You would use Sonic’s power to gaslight me?” [Ben] “Just you.” In terms of Education, I guess I did learn a bunch of things about the Sonic movie that I didn’t know before, but the avenue by which it was portrayed in was not exactly the most engaging, more like I was absorbing it via watching two experts discuss on a webinar. I would have given just 1 point to Education but I made it 2 because of the wonderful knowledge that Pat Gill can draw a pretty good Sonic in a few seconds. When it comes to Exaltation, I must admit that while this video got quite a few laughs out of me, it didn’t make me want to get out of bed and take a shower. 

BONUS: Pat is +2 hot in it. His short hair makes him look very handsome. He’s a spiffy boy, in this video. Very, very good.  

4. Pat Will Not Tweet at Nintendo This Week Because He is Resting at Home — PLEASE RETWEET, Episode 12 

Entertainment: 5 Education: 0 Exaltation: 5 Hotness: +1 Total Score: 11

I know I’m breaking a rule I set for myself a few paragraphs earlier by including an episode of Please Retweet, which counts as a video series, but this is my post and I can do whatever I want. More importantly, this video is so fucking funny to me, it feels like it would be a crime not to put it in this list. 

Solid 5 out of 5 for entertainment. Pat Gill, alone in his apartment, drinking six cans of what I think is beer silently while the intro music plays. That scene in itself should win an Oscar. Sadly, a solid 0 for Education, because I learn nothing in this video except for the fact that Pat Gill is the type of person to put out a coaster and then just completely not use it. I quantify things as educational if I can maybe answer a trivia question with them, and unfortunately, this fact does not pass that test. In terms of Exaltation, seeing Pat Gill lie down on the floor next to his cat made me get out of bed to do the same with my dog, and with myself thusly out of my bed cocoon of sadness, I was able to actually complete tasks on the day I watched this video. Perfect 5.

BONUS: Pat is +1 hot in this because there’s something very beautiful about him being a little bit miserable. However, I do miss his beard when I watch this video. It is one of my favorite things about him, and it is not present here.

3. Pat and Simone Play Human: Fall Flat

Entertainment: 5 Education: 1 Exaltation: 5 Hotness: 0 Total Score: 11

I very much enjoy Polygon’s gameplay streams. I often play them in the background while I’m doing other stuff like doodling or origami, but this stream is special. It is special because of the moment at 24:00 when Pat Gill, in game, swings a stereo into a glass window, shattering it, while saying, “Actually, y’know what? Let’s talk about trauma.” and then proceeds to tell a horrible and embarrassing story from his childhood where he had to do a rap about Ancient Egypt. 

5 points for Entertainment. This is partly because of Pat’s tragic childhood story about the Egypt Rap (and, segue just to point out 33:22 the incredible moment where you can hear Pat’s feral panic when Simone finds the lyrics to the Egypt Rap) but also because Pat and Simone just talking to each other is so deeply entertaining to me in a very comfy way. I’m starved for human interaction, in this quarantime, okay. Let me enjoy listening to other people have conversations while playing video games. Education scores a 1 because, again, nothing in this video will let me answer a trivia question, however it does get 1 point and not a 0 because the Egypt Rap’s lyrics are in the comments and I did end up learning stuff about Ancient Egypt that I didn’t know. A perfect 5 for Exaltation because this video showed me that talking about trauma can actually be cathartic, given that you’re trashing a video game living room at the same time, and I think that message of not bottling up your experiences really helped me, in these trying times.

BONUS: Pat Gill is not visible for the entirety of this episode, so he scores the standard 0. I’m sure he was hot. We just couldn’t see him.  

2. Why Bloodborne and Muppets are the same thing

Entertainment: 4 Education: 4 Exaltation: 3 Hotness: +2 Total Score: 12

Ah yes, one of Pat’s “x is y because of z” videos. He’s made a number of these and they’re all very good but this one is my favorite among them and earns a spot on this list because 1) I think puppets are cool and 2) I fucking love monsters. 

This video scores a 4 on Entertainment, just shy of perfect, because as funny as it is, it also gives me the vibe like I am being lectured by a professor who’s just a little bit off the shits. And we all know that lectures are supposed to be taken seriously. Which brings us to Education, which also scores a 4. I learned a lot in this video! Watching Pat Gill explain to me that children’s puppets and these horrifying viddy game monsters use the same character principles in different ways is not only very educational but is also explained in a streamline and easy to understand manner that I WISH some of the shitty professors at my old university could emulate. As for Exaltation, while this video did give me enough energy to have a meal, I did eventually end up back in bed for the night at 8pm crying myself to sleep, thinking “I’m like the slime scholar. Used to be a scholar. Now they’re slime.” 

BONUS: Pat Gill is +2 hot here. He’s rockin that basic ass monochromatic aesthetic and I love his look dearly. 

1. Preparing for Big Boy Season in Red Dead Redemption 2 

Entertainment: 5 Education: 3 Exaltation: 5 Hotness: +3 Total Score: 16

Here we are. My favorite non video series Pat Gill video. The video where Pat Gill tries to make Red Dead Redemption 2 protagonist, Arthur Morgan, large. 

Perfect fucking 5 for Entertainment, which I’m sure many may find odd. Afterall, this video is told in a serious investigative tone reminiscent of Vox’s videos on current issues. But that’s the glory of it. The complete and utter ‘playing it straight and serious’ for a ridiculous issue in a video game. It is high tier comedy in a subtle, understated way that sings to my comedy loving heart in a melody so lovely, so wonderful, that it urged me to give this video 5 points for Entertainment. It scores 3 on Education, because I have never played Red Dead Redemption 2, nor will I ever, but now I know things about it. The information was also relayed to me in a very interesting style, via something like a crime procedural, and thus it was engaging for me to absorb all this new knowledge. Exaltation scores a perfect 5 because of this video’s beautiful end about existential smallness. No joke, but hearing Pat Gill say “Our bigness isn’t measured in pounds, but in the impact we have on the people with whom we shared the world.” deadass made me want to talk to my friends again after conversationally isolating myself for 3 days. Preparing for Big Boy Season has a special place in my heart. And there it will stay.

BONUS: Pat Gill is not visible for most of the video but he does appear for like 15 seconds in the middle of it, and guess what. He’s hot. +3 hotness. Good beardage, good hair, all in all, good Pat Gill. 

So there you have it. My five favorite Pat Gill videos. If you read this whole thing, holy shit. You’re welcome, I guess.

[gascon-en-exil]

What are New Orleans' boulangeries made of? Cant be as French as the ones in France? Unless.. France cuisine is a winner

We don’t call them boulangeries. I mean, there is a bakery Uptown called La Boulangerie, but it’s only about twenty years old at most and seems to be one of several recent attempts at bringing back traditional French fare into New Orleans cuisine. There are a number of other local bakeries that specialize in French and/or Italian pastries, but again that’s more of a recent thing. The culinary tradition of Louisiana developed organically over a period of three centuries, with French cuisine as its largest but not sole cornerstone...and as the French language was effectively banned from common use here for a period of nearly a century (from Reconstruction up through the late 1960s) its continued use in referring to food can be rather subtle. 

This city does have a handful of notable bread products though:

French bread

This is just a baguette under a different name. It is served before a meal with butter or (less commonly) olive oil or as a side with the main dish, where it is considered socially acceptable to use to mop up the excess roux/sauce on your place. Aside from that though it’s pretty much never eaten on its own. It’s used as the bread for the sandwiches known as poboys -

- considered analogous to what the rest of the US calls subway sandwiches only with the different type of bread and usually filled with either roast beef (the traditional Great Depression-era fare of laborers, and also the source of the name) or fried seafood like shrimp, oysters, or catfish. They aren’t quite what I’d call street fare, more of a lunch food, but many casual restaurants specialize in poboys. There’s also seafood baked into bread, like this crawfish bread

along with onions, garlic, and other seasonings. I guess you could say it’s like seafood pizza - although actual seafood pizza is also a thing in some restaurants. Fun fact: I was once in the company of a number of middle-aged Italian men from New York, and when I told them that shrimp was one of my favorite pizza toppings they looked at me like I’d killed their mothers. Apparently in traditional Italian - or New York Italian, maybe? - cuisine mixing seafood and dairy is a serious culinary faux pas.

Beignets

Beignet is the French word for “doughnut,” and these sourdough pastries are indeed described sometimes in Louisiana as French doughnuts although I don’t particularly care for that - they more resemble sopapillas or funnel cake, and if a piece of media ever derisively refers to “fried dough” in connection with New Orleans this is what they’re talking about. There are eateries, most famously Café du Monde, that serve almost exclusively beignets and coffee. It’s primarily a breakfast food*...and for the record it is possible to order them with less sugar, which I almost always do. It’s not about being healthy for me though; that powdered sugar can make a huge mess.

*Or a “it’s 3 AM and the booze and/or drugs are starting to wear off and I need to eat something now and it’s either beignets or the standard American greasy spoon place that is also conveniently open all night specifically to cater to the recently inebriated”. Sometimes New Orleans cuisine is like that.

Bread pudding

Bread pudding is not exclusive to Louisiana by any means, but as a dessert it’s a popular local pick and does follow from the French tradition of making use of stale bread, i.e. pain perdu, lit. “lost bread” and what the English-speaking world otherwise refers to as French toast. In New Orleans it’s often served with a whiskey, rum, or caramel sauce or else with ice cream.

King cake/Galette des Rois

Served exclusively during Carnival, at least by every bakery I’m aware of (although I’m sure there are bakeries outside Louisiana that sell knockoffs year round), king cakes are a popular tradition of the season absolutely loaded with Catholic symbolism. Every Catholic culture that celebrates Carnival has its own traditions, and those of Louisiana are heavily although not exclusively French in origin. New Orleans king cakes are always circular, made with heavy amounts of cinnamon and either dusted with sugar or covered in icing, with the more famous bakeries being associated with different styles (as one might expect for a pastry you can only get for about two months out of every year). You can get them either like the one above or with a variety of fruit fillings for added flavor. 

The sugar or icing is colored purple, green, and gold - the colors of Carnival, which also have religious significance - and following from the medieval tradition of hiding a coin in the cake New Orleans bakeries insert a plastic baby like the one shown to represent the infant Christ (on the Catholic liturgical calendar, Carnival falls roughly into the time commemorating Christ’s life from His Nativity to reaching adulthood and beginning His ministry). However, while getting the coin used to represent good luck for the coming year getting the baby in Louisiana is the opposite; in settings like schools and offices it’s tradition for one person to buy a king cake each week of Carnival for everyone to share, and whoever gets the baby has to buy the cake the following week. I have two theories for this reversal - that it’s either a reflection of the stingy haute bourgeoisie values of Créole culture or else that it’s a characteristically morbid nod to how it would be possible to get the piece with the baby without knowing it and then choke on it and die, which anyone here would consider to be a hilarious way to go (doubly so since the baby represents Christ) - but bear in mind that I have no real evidence to support either of those.

Doberge cake

This one is not French in origin, but rather an adaptation of a Hungarian dessert with mild French influences from Alsace-Lorraine made of alternating layers of cake and dessert pudding as well as buttercream. The traditional version is half lemon cake and half chocolate cake, but variations exist. Ownership of this recipe has changed hands several times, and since its introduction in the 1930s doberge cake has always been exclusively associated with one particular bakery or another.

Baked Alaska

Another dessert invented in New Orleans, by the restaurant Antoine’s which is the oldest extant restaurant in the city (and possibly the US?) dating back to 1840. It’s ice cream and sponge cake topped with a browned meringue, and while there’s debate over the source of its name it seems to mostly be a play on the dish’s combination of hot and cold elements. Apparently in France this is known as an omelette à la norvégienne (”Norwegian omelette”) which I think is an even funnier name.

Hmm, am I forgetting anything? Probably. As I said when someone showed me that clip from The Simpsons where a character eats his way through New Orleans dishes for close to two solid minutes, this city’s culinary tradition is so vast and storied that even people like me who’ve lived here their whole lives would be hard-pressed to name every single thing that’s been invented or made popular in this city - or in Louisiana more broadly, for that matter. It’s not like eating (or drinking) in France, but then it’s not like eating anywhere else in the US either which we consider a point of pride. 

[orionsangel86]

“I Think It’s Time For Me To Move On”

...And Other Things That Have Destroyed Me This Weekend...

So there is this common trope within love stories which generally happens at the end of the second act in which everything goes wrong and we all think that the lovers are doomed to failure. Its pretty much standard in every Jane Austen novel, every romantic film every made, every single bloody love story. Go ahead, name one. I guarantee you the break up moment is there.

Within the epic love story of Dean and Cas, there have been many break up moments, and all have had their emotionally devastating impact on the relationship and the show...

But THIS was a different level. 

(For a nice summary of Destiel break up moments and understanding of this trope, @tinkdw​ wrote about it here.)

I didn’t think that there would be another moment within Dean and Cas’s relationship that could hit me this hard. The mixtape in 12x19, the wrapping of Cas’s body in 13x01, and the return of Cas in 13x05 are moments that I consider to be the very top of the scale in making this pairing undeniably romantic. Moments that pushed it beyond a platonic interpretation. These three moments have been the things I cling to when the show has otherwise made me doubt any conclusion to the DeanCas story, and since there hasn’t been another one of those moments since 13x05, until now I have been somewhat nervous that the story was dropped, or being forced back behind a platonic screen. 

15x03 has ripped that screen away. 

Emotional meta under cut...

This entire episode was an emotion fuelled dramatic roller-coaster that killed off three characters including our beloved witch queen in a scene that almost stole the show and practically canonised the SamWitch ship. Rowena’s death should have been by far the most torturous moment for viewers to endure, and it was extremely torturous and had me sobbing on a plane 3 hours into a 7 hour flight. That incredibly heartfelt moment between Sam and Rowena will probably go down as one of the top tear-jerking moments on this show. It was tragic in the best way - the way Supernatural is famous for.

But lets not gloss over the fact that in an episode where THAT should have been the climax, where THAT should have been the emotional highlight and end point, instead we get a further MORE dramatic stand off between Dean and Cas that pulled focus and ripped all of our hearts out just as violently as poor Ketch in the first act (a very clever and smug piece of meta foreshadowing there Mr Berens).

On a meta level, this is HUGE as a writing choice because they MUST know how this looks. This was the climax of the third episode of the finale season. The way Supernatural has always structured itself since Carver era is that the first three mytharc episodes of each season establish the direction of the story and set the foundations for the character level focal points and dramatic key notes to come. 

That the writers have chosen to end the foundation episodes with a DeanCas break up moment that was more dramatic than a Spanish Telenovela has just stunned me and left me reeling because I just can’t see how else this can go. This break up scene absolutely DEMANDS a huge reconciliation of the sort that will be part of the A plot of the season - the FINAL SEASON. Guys. Part of the reason I have been so quiet and so disillusioned with the show during late season 13 and season 14 was because they pushed any Destiel plot into non existent territory - it became kinda irrelevant and Dean and Cas just acted like friends (homoerotic friends yes, and sometimes like an old married couple, but it was mostly played as an afterthought imo), so for this to suddenly be brought to the forefront of the emotional story again is excellent news for us. 

The thing is, like with those huge moments I listed above, the break up scene is basically undeniably romantic when you break it down to its components:

1. It’s only Dean and Cas. 

Once again we have another scene of high stake emotions that excludes Sam. In a platonic reading of the show, it makes zero sense for there to be such a hugely disjointed relationship between Cas and Dean and Cas and Sam given he has known them both for so long now that if they were all “just friends” then surely Sam would also feel the impact of Cas’s choices as heavily as Dean. In a platonic reading, Dean comes across as an asshole, Sam comes across as being weirdly uncaring about his friend of 10 years, and Cas comes across as not even bothering to get Sam’s opinion before leaving. A romantic reading makes sense because quite literally THIS IS A ROMANTIC BREAK UP.

2. The words spoken. 

“Well I don’t think there is anything left to say.”

“I think it’s time for me to move on”

From Cas’s perspective at least, name one time in a piece of media where such language has been used for a platonic breakup sincerely? There have been heartfelt break up songs that use these exact words. (I should know I’ve spent the last 24 hours listening to them all).

That last line in particular is so heavy. It’s the last line of the episode and nothing about it is platonic. This is relationship terminology my dudes. “I need to move on, and get over you.” This is Cas’s bloody Adele song. My heart breaks for him, but if I was his sassy and fabulous best girlfriend right now I’d be sitting him down, sipping a cocktail, flipping my hair and telling him “Babe, you’re too good for him. Good Riddance. Let’s go out, have some cocktails, something pink and fruity. No dive bars for us darling. I’ll take you to Heaven... the fun one in London.”

In all seriousness though, from Cas’s perspective, this was him admitting defeat and giving up the fight for love. How anyone can possibly say Cas isn’t in love with Dean after this, well I just don’t know what show you are watching. This is the face of a heartbroken man who has just accepted that his love is unrequited. 

3. The many faces of Dean Winchester

On the other end of the scale, Dean was mostly silent after his poisonous words “And why does that something always seem to be you?”

Forgive the terrible gif quality I’ve no time for fancy gif work!

Look at his face here. He knows what he said was fucked up and he immediately regrets it. The way he swallows around that regret and then turns away.

and after Cas says that devastating final line and walks away? We get THIS reaction from him:

The jaw clench as he looks down. The sorrow on his face as he realises he has well and truly fucked this up. LOOK

Finally, he looks up, makes himself look up and watch Cas leave. If that isn’t the face of a broken man I dunno what to tell you. Anyone who thinks Dean is totally heartless and uncaring right now needs to reassess because this is NOT the face of someone uncaring. This is the face of someone who has just lost everything. Again. 

4. The FUCKING MUSIC

Seriously. The sweeping heavy drama of the low strings that come in right after Dean says that horrid line, that carry the weight of the look of horror and heartbreak on Cas’s face as they amplify the emotion there. As they blend seamlessly into the slow and subtle version of the Winchester family theme behind Cas’s heartbreaking speech and Dean’s stubborn stoic face hiding a multitude of emotion, until the violin dominates as Cas says “I think it’s time for me to move on” and the Winchester Theme swells to its climax, ripping all our hearts out just like poor Ketch as Dean watches Cas walk out of his life surrounded by darkness. 

I MEAN.

A friend on Twitter reminded us all of this point about the importance of this theme via @justanotheridijiton​ here which is essentially:

“The Winchester theme is not simply an aural marker to let the audience know when and how Sam and Dean love each other (any Supernatural fan knows that is the baseline of their relationship), but to provide narrative information, especially when the image and dialogue are incomplete or inconsistent with the true situation...  Seasoned fans will recognize the theme and its history of being paired with images indicating deep emotional bonding and a desire to do the right thing by the Winchester code. Here we trust our ears over our eyes to reveal the truth.”

So here is yet another key indicator that any surface read that this is actually an ending between Dean and Cas and that Dean really is just an angry asshole is utter bullshit. 

Honestly, this was PAINFUL, but it was painful in the best way. It was 13x01 levels of pain, but this time it was Cas choosing to walk away which makes all the difference. Dean’s greatest fear isn’t his loved ones dying on him after all, but of his loved ones choosing to leave him. This was exactly the kick up the ass Dean needs in order to win Cas back, classic love trope style. 

Hence my excitement at what is to come. Yes we won’t see Cas again until 15x06, but in the meantime I fully expect a good helping of angst and wallowing from a depressed Dean who has to deal with the fact that he has just lost the love of his life and it is all his fault. That he just pushed away the one person who promised they would always stay by his side. That has got to hurt. 

So yeah, this episode emotionally destroyed me, and I’ve only really covered the primary reason, let alone all my feels over SamWitch, Rowena’s death, Belphegor’s taunting of Cas over his deepest fears and then having to suffer through smiting a creature wearing the face of his son until his body was nothing but a burnt corpse... I wonder if Bobo had a bet going in the office over how much he could hurt us all? He was certainly enjoying scrolling through the Supernatural tag on Twitter and liking everyone’s reaction tweets including some brilliant Destiel related ones. I do love Bobo. Our Angst Goblin King. 

If anyone had asked me a few weeks ago what my thoughts were on the chances of getting explicit canon Destiel by series end, I would have said somewhere in the realms of 30-40%, considering it a battle of wills between DabbBerens and CW studio execs who I still feel are against it in general. I would have considered everything that happened after 13x06 as the writers getting a big NO on Destiel from the network and therefore having to pull back on any Destiel related plot points (purely my own speculation on BTS matters of course).

Now I am wondering if Dabb kept fighting the network? If he managed to wear them down into begrudging acceptance? I’m currently up to around an 80% chance of textual canon DeanCas if we continue on this path. If Dean is clearly shown to be mourning and hating himself over Cas next episode, and if this DeanCas dramatic plot line continues to be a focal point of the emotional story arcs... well...

I’m side eyeing 15x07 a lot right now. Only in my wildest dreams would I think that they might actually introduce an old boyfriend for Dean in a “coming out” episode, but the placement, timing, and potential is all there and I’m kind of once again donning the clown mask because I’m just in awe at everything that they are doing. I guess we’ll find out soon enough. In the meantime, I’m gonna paint my face in red and white and wear my rainbow wig and listen to break up songs on Spotify whilst trying to shove my heart back into my chest where Bobo Beren’s gleefully ripped it out with his hands like the demonic angst goblin he is. Wish me luck, I’m not sure I’m gonna get through this season with my emotions intact.

[scrawnydutchman]

“There’s Always More Show”; A Bojack Horseman Essay

It’s about time I talked about one of the finest ongoing shows in animation right now. I. LOVE. Bojack Horseman. I must have binged the whole series 5 times at this point, and it’s rare for even my absolute favorite shows to get me to do that. The dialogue is so poignant I have entire exchanges between characters burned into my memory. The jokes and societal commentary are so on point that many lines have gotten me to burst out laughing among company.The characters themselves are so complex, so filled with depth, that they are all well deserving of their own analysis. The writing is SO tight and the storytelling so consistently engaging that I hang onto every little detail. I swear they foreshadow events from as late as season 4 and 5 as early as season 1. Even it’s animation, while admittedly pretty primitive character rigging with a handful of noticeable errors, takes some amazing creative liberty at times, particularly with subjectivity in the drug trips. While the art design has taken a few people off guard for it’s blinding colors and it’s premise has discouraged a less open minded audience with it’s animal-human hybrids living among people, those who stick with the show will get a sophisticated while simultaneously wacky romp that is both the silliest and most real show you can watch right now. So with a show this dense that has characters this deep, there are many themes it tackles such as the perpetual meaninglessness of existence or the pursuit to being a good person, but there’s a more central theme Bojack keeps bringing up which I’d like to talk about.

Oh and, uh, Spoilers incoming for Bojack Horseman . .  . obviously. Get Netflix and watch all of this show right now before reading. seriously. But for those reading who don’t care about spoilers but are interested in what makes Bojack so great and may like to watch it themselves, here’s a brief summary:

Bojack Horseman (played by Will Arnett) Is a horse-man hybrid living out the so called “glamorous” life style in Hollywood, Los Angeles (later called “Hollywoo” in the series for reasons I won’t spoil here). Out of work, out of shape and out of touch, Bojack wastes away his days in sorrow as a past-his-prime actor who goes day to day being disrespected. Back in the 90s he was the star of a very famous “full house”-esque sitcom called “Horsin’ Around” and he longs for the days where he was in the prime of his life, but nowadays he mostly just sits around the house watching old reruns of his show. He constantly struggles with depression, dependancy on narcotics . . . and the ongoing guilt he feels for every shitty thing he’s done in life . . . and as viewers will no doubt find out . . . Bojack has a LOT of baggage. He finds new friends in life like his responsible ghost writer of his memoir Diane Nguyen (played by Alison Brie), his easygoing  freeloader and best friend Todd Chavez (played by Aaron Paul), his happy go lucky Labrador rival Mr. Peanutbutter (played by Paul F. Tompkins) and his workaholic pink cat agent Princess Carolyn (played by Amy Seradis). The show centres around his ongoing relationships with these people as well as their own journeys of self discovery . . . and the occasional wacky schemes. Through his surrounding positive influences can Bojack learn to grow past his personal demons? Or will his shitty tendencies and depressing outlook permanently spoil the lives of the people closest to him like he so often fears?

Spoilers begin NOW

In what is perhaps my favorite episode of the show, episode 6 of Season 5 titled “Free Churro”, Bojack gives an improvised eulogy for his recently deceased mother . . . and that’s it. The episode is just a full 20 minutes of Bojack talking about his dead mom . . . and struggling to find anything positive to say about her. His mom was nothing but cold, hard and abusive to Bojack his entire life and Bojack laments about how he never received a single loving gesture from his mother for as long as he’s known her . . and now that she’s dead that chance is permanently gone. In his ramblings, he mentions an episode of Horsin’ Around in which the writers juice the idea of main cast character Olivia leaving the show for good, only for her to be written back into the status quo, because as Bojack puts it 

“Of course that’s what happened, because what are you gonna do? Just not have Olivia on the show? You can’t have happy endings in sitcoms -- not really -- because if everyone’s happy, the show would be over, and above all else the show has to keep going. There’s always more show. (And) You can call Horsin’ Around dumb, or bad, or unrealistic, but there’s nothing more realistic than that. You never get a happy ending, because there’s always more show.”

That right there sums up the entire ongoing struggle of every character in this show. In many ways, Bojack Horseman the Netflix series is like a typical sitcom turned upside down. You have an ongoing setup of colourful, over the top characters doing outrageous things for our amusement, and in a lot of ways they’re actually terrible people but they’re just SO endearing that we have to keep tuning into their antics. Much like how an average Friends episode is about every titular friend trying haphazardly to cover up a lie for 20 minutes when their problems would so easily be over if they just had the maturity to be honest about how they’re feeling, characters like Bojack, Todd and Mr. Peanutbutter are always up to something silly whether it’s poorly covering up a lie or coming up with elaborate sabotages for selfish ends. But there’s one core difference. In Friends, everybody forgives each other in the end. In the gritty and merciless world of Bojack Horseman . . . every wrongdoing has long term consequences, some of which can never be forgiven. 

Bojack’s antics especially cause permanent stains on his relationships. When he sabotaged Todd’s rock opera by getting him readdicted to a video game so he wouldn’t leave, he permanently makes a wound in his and Todd’s relationship. He only makes it worse when he has sex with Emily, Todd’s best friend and kinda-sorta girlfriend. Todd had faith in Bojack early on in the show, but he makes it apparent later on that the less he has to do with Bojack the better off he is. Todd’s an easygoing friend that can forgive easily, but Bojack really tests his patience. As he said once he found out Bojack had sex with Emily

“You can’t keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay. You need to be better.”

In the luxurious  yet phony and superficial world of Hollywoo, everyone has an outlook on life as if it’s a sitcom. The center of mass produced film and television has everyone believing in achieving against the odds, amending their wrongs in the end and getting satisfying conclusions as if the credits of their very own movie will roll any second. But real life keeps on hitting these characters like a truck, as if to say “there is no happy ending , you aren’t the main character and the harm you’ve caused is permanent. Get used to it.” Bojack gets his hard hitting reality more prominently than anyone. He keeps looking for backdoor solutions to his pain like getting back with Charlotte, starting a new Horsin’ Around spinoff, finding meaning far away from L.A. or straight up finding solace in drugs, but every solution to his search for meaning ends in him hurting somebody else even more. He has to separate the idea from his head that shitty things like nearly sleeping with your old friends daughter is just a wacky sitcom hijinks situation, and that the guilt he feels is just an ongoing conflict he feels every day. He even tries at one point to get forgiveness from his old show writer Herb Kezzaz after betraying him, only to be greeted with Herb saying 

“No. I’m not going to give you closure. You don’t get that. You have to live with the shitty thing that you did for the rest of your life.”

Sometimes Bojack will go to more silly extents for his so desired “happy ending”, like humming his own credits as he embraces Sarah Lynn when she comes out of rehab.

But as screwed up as Bojack is, he’s not the only one who’s mind is warped by the empty promise of a “happy ending”. Diane Nguyen, for as much as she comes off as the moral compass of the show who isn’t afraid to call anyone out for their bullshit, is what I like to call “Bojack lite”. While she’d be grossly offended by the accusation that she’s anything like Bojack, she shares a lot of his toxic traits. Sure, she’s not actively life ruining for anyone, but she has a tendency to harshly criticize people as a means to deflect any criticism towards herself and she often manages to find the negative connotation to even the best of situations. Also, she struggles with getting drunk a lot too, which is often enabled by Bojack. Diane makes a lot of rash decisions in her life hoping she’ll find some sort of “happy ending”. She married Mr. Peanutbutter longing for a simpler, more laid back life for she just settles down with her loving husband. However, unwilling to keep up with Mr. Peanutbutters love for spontaneity and grand gestures, she ends up divorcing him, deciding instead to try and find solace in being her own woman who doesn’t need a mans affection to be happy . .  .but that leaves her empty too. Every time she gets what she asked for, she ends up having to fight all the challenges that go with it, and those challenges end up obscuring her vision of that made her want that thing in the first place. She thinks it’s something wrong with her, like she just can’t ever be satisfied.

“Why can’t I be happy? Am I busted?!”

If we’re comparing each Bojack Horseman character to standard sitcom fare, Mr. Peanutbutter likely comes the closest to fitting the mold of what we expect from a likable television comedy protagonist. Everyone loves him. He’s endearing, he’s funny, he’s sweet. He makes silly mistakes but has a good heart, and even if he does touch some raw nerves along the way he can usually win his audience back with some sort of grand gesture. If Diane is Bojack Lite, then Mr. Peanutbutter is the yin to Bojack’s yang. They live virtually the same lives to a point where Mr. Peanutbutter even got famous off of what is blatantly a knock off of Horsin’ Around, The key difference though is that while Bojack is incurably pessimistic, Mr. Peanutbutter is obnoxiously optimistic, and why wouldn’t he be? He sees the good in everything and everyone and manages to get his way shearly through people loving him. He never has to learn anything because nobody ever challenges him. But that precisely is the rub. Mr. Peanutbutter is a cautionary tale about what would happen if you DID get that life full of happy endings and comfortable conclusions. Much like how many a sitcom protagonist never learns to tell the truth or to take responsibility for their own health, Mr. Peanutbutter never grows past his mistakes. It’s why he always does grand gestures for Diane despite her repeating several times that she doesn’t like them. It’s why he keeps dating women much younger than himself. It’s why he keeps getting divorced. He never takes any kind of long term lesson from what happens to him and never evolves as a person. Nowhere is this more prominent than in Season 5. Whenever Mr. Peanut butter does something wrong, he’s usually blind to the responsibility he must take to it. He either dismisses it as somebody else being mean or unreasonable or he makes an empty promise to not do it again. But for the first time ever, he partakes in betraying somebody he cares about. After divorcing Diane and getting with Pickles the Pug waitress . . . he has sex with Diane again behind Pickles’ back. This time there’s nobody to blame but himself . . and he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that he did an unforgivably shitty thing. In fact, he’s the least equipped character to do so in the whole show. He even pleads for Diane to break the news to Pickles and tries to force a silver lining by getting back with Diane as a result of it. In the season finale, when Mr. Peanutbutter has to tell the awful truth and knowingly hurt somebody close to him . . .much like a sitcom character, he instead pulls a happy ending out of his ass and decides to propose to Pickles instead. He actively decides not to do the tough, but right decision, and thus does not evolve. This is especially interesting in the finale because, for the first time ever, Bojack is a step ahead of Mr. Peanutbutter when it comes to committing to making things right. After Bojack nearly strangles Gina to death on his drug high, he turns himself into rehab with the help of Diane and starts taking real steps to self improvement. In contrast, Mr. Peanut butter . . . is just up to his same old tricks. 

You wanna talk about reaching that sitcom happy ending? It’s all this workaholic cat ever thinks about. Princess Carolyn leads life with the philosophy that with enough grit and go-getter attitude you can make anything happen for yourself . . . and to an extent that actually serves her pretty well. She gets out of her hick town to pursue her dreams as an agent and whenever the other characters are knee deep in their own mess she’s always the one with the solution to get them out. She compulsively helps people while refusing to take help for herself because . . well, she wants a happy ending . . .but she wants to be the one responsible for it. She had an opportunity as a kid to have everything in her life decided for her but once she had her miscarriage and that dream fell apart, she instead decided to pursue a career in the big city. She made tons of sacrifices to get where she is including leaving her own mother, and she’s also afraid of falling into the same trap of dependency she almost fell into as a kid again. That’s why she rejects Ralph Stilton’s offer to help her with her adopted baby, even though he’s irrefutably the best boyfriend she ever had. Time and time again Princess Carolyn will willingly be pushed right up to the edge before she accepts any kind of help, because she thinks doing so is a sign of weakness. She keeps herself motivated with fantasies about that wonderful happy ending, whether that means living in a cottage in a beautiful painting or succeeding enough that some future ancestor can give her class a family heritage report all about what a great ass kickin’ gal she is. While Princess Carolyn is definitely the most well adjusted and most durable to the constant hustle and beating down of reality, she’s got her own toxic tendencies as a result of thinking she’s a main character. She thinks she’s got to do everything on her own . . . . and if she doesn’t get past that insecurity soon, it may swallow her whole.

At long last we come to mr. Todd Chavez, the endearing little brother of Bojack Horseman’s family of main characters. Upon first glance, Todd seems the least prepared for life’s harsh reality out of all our leads. He’s a 20-something year old with no real job, no real responsibilities and no real goals in life. He’s very upfront and honest about how he spends his time, be it spending all day watching Youtube videos . . . or building a knockoff Disneyland. And yet, when we analyze him with the thesis that these “sitcom characters” are all trying to get by in a cruel and merciless world, we suddenly realize that ironically . . . Todd grows the most naturally out of everyone. Bojack lets Todd down time and time again and rather than accepting status quo as God like many a sitcom character might do, he takes it upon himself to distance his relationship with Bojack. He initially has faith in Bojack to be better, but doesn’t beat around the bush when he’s lost his faith in him. When he realizes that he was nothing in common with Yolanda aside from being asexual, he breaks up with her before prolonging the painful inevitable. The cast of Bojack Horseman go through their share of changes in what they want and who they want to be, but Todd is always the one who knows what he needs and makes an honest effort to be better. He’s surprisingly wise for an adult manchild flunky. But he gets up to wacky sitcomish schemes too, about as much as Mr. Peanutbutter (who is often his partner in crime with these things) . . . yet even then through his ernestness and cuttthroat honesty he manages to overcome better than the other characters.

Conclusion:

*decided to include this gif because i love the animation in it*

Hollywoo is a world of sitcom characters pulled out of the TV and trying to get by in everyday life under the harsh, uncompromising grip of reality. In a culture so entrenched in it’s ideals of maintaining superficial likability and celebrating yourself no matter what you do or who you hurt, each character’s mind is warped into buying the illusion that for how screwed up they are there’s a happy ending waiting at the end of the horizon for them. They all deal with it with different levels of success. Some take change in life with stride like Todd. Some think they found their happy ending but only remain empty like Diane. Some get everything they ask for and thus never evolve and never better themselves like Mr. PeanutButter. Some cling on for deal life as they get everything thrown at them, believing that they’ll be rewarded in the end, like Princess Carolyn. And then . . . some are a depressing cocktail of all of those things. They have opportunity land at their feet and think they’ve finally done the thing that will preserve them, only to find themselves empty. They work through the pain in their life hoping that at any point they’ll get some grand gesture or reward that makes everything they endured worth it, only for that chance to become officially non existent. But occasionally . . . very occasionally . . . they do something wonderful and heartfelt and sincere that maintains a glimmer of hope for their capacity to be better. That is Bojack Horseman. Bojack hurts the people closest to him much like his parents did. He remains bitter and sad and petty and self important . . . but he IS better than his folks. He’s like his late mom . . . only for him the grand gesture really does come.

But as Bojack says

“The grand gesture isn’t enough. You have to be consistent. You have to be dependably good. You can’t just screw everything up and then take a boat out on the ocean to save your best friend or solve a mystery and fly to Cansas. You need to do it everyday, which is so . . . hard.”

The truth is, all of these characters, even Bojack, have the potential to be better as long as they deconstruct their worldview shaped by watching television. They have to rid themselves of the illusion. The illusion that there’s some great happy ending that’s going to make all the pain worth it. The only ending in life . . . is death. Until then, there’s always more show. Time’s arrow neither stands still nor reverses; it always marches forward. There will be days these characters make mistakes and days they do great things . . how much they do of either is up to them. Sometimes they’ll do things that they will never get closure for . . things that can’t be forgiven  . . . but that doesn’t ruin their capacity to do right the next day.  Bojack’s right . . .it IS hard to do better every single day. But as the jogger near Bojack’s house says “It gets easier”.

And my essay concludes . . . .riiiiiiight after this anecdote.

I think what makes Bojack Horseman so special is that it holds up a mirror to how a screen infested world has permanently warped our sense of self worth and our understanding of how life really works. In a way, we’re all “sitcom characters” roaming around real life. We think of ourselves as the main characters of our stories, that there’s some sort of satisfying conclusion waiting for us. That we can win whoever we want back with a grand gesture and that we never have to evolve, we just have to be “good enough” . . .and that’s all . . SO wrong. That mentality makes us toxic. It makes us self important and hypocritical and petty, while also leaving us empty. It makes us incomplete. We all have to learn that there’s no ending until we die, that we have to do good every day . . . and that we aren’t the main character.  Everyone is important. Maybe we’ve been watching too many sitcoms and have had these fallacies drilled into our heads . . . and maybe Bojack Horseman is like a rehab for those bad tendencies. As Princess Carolyn points out in the finale of Season 4

“I got into this business because I love stories. They comfort us. They inspire us. They create a context for how we view the world. But also you have to be careful because if you spend a lot of time with stories you start to believe that life is just . . . stories. And it’s not. Life is life . . . and . . .that’s so sad, because . . .there’s so little time and . . . what are we doing with it?”

[opmsecretsanta]

OPM Prompts 2019

Edit: Prompts are now CLOSED! We have 36 prompts listed below, but you can also view and claim them HERE on AO3

Last day to submit your fills is Jan 31st

If you post on tumblr, please use #OPMSS2019 so your post can be found, and the corresponding prompt tag below (example: #OPMSS Prompt 001) if you want your work searchable.

(List below the cut)

Prompt 001

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 001 Rating: Any Pairing: Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama, Mini-Bots Tags: Christmas, Fluff Prompt: It’s the minibots’ first Christmas! Saitama and Genos try to make it a fun time for them.

Prompt 002

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 002 Rating: Any Pairing: None or Any combo Characters:  Genos, Metal Bat, Garou Tags: Christmas Prompt:  Three terrible teens and their shenanigans! Honestly, I’ll love any setting, but something related to winter/the holidays could be fun. Out of these three, it might be Metal Bat who’s the closest to having any sort of proper and/or happy memories of this time of year - maybe he’s trying to help the other two to have a good time as well? Or perhaps they do a gift exchange, a stupid dare, dress up and visit kids in the hospital... the stage is yours! (Feel free to see them as just friends or dating in any combination you like - I like it all!)

Prompt 003

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 003 Rating: Any Pairing: Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama, Dr. Kuseno Tags: Family Prompt:  Dr. Kuseno invites Genos and Saitama to celebrate the holidays with him and - drumroll - his family, which Saitama had no idea even existed. Who do they meet and how does it go? Do they like Saitama or are they suspicious of him? Can Genos behave himself for a whole weekend? Are there gifts exchanged and how does that go? I’d love to hear what you come up with!

Prompt 004

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 004 Rating: Any/Explicit Pairing: Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama Tags: Topping from the Bottom, Rough Sex, Praise Kink Prompt: Tabloids tried to pick her apart all the time for being with the hottest of the S-class heroes. They called her bland and bald, they claimed she was too built, they accused her of using blackmail to trick Genos into dating her. Oh fucking well. They could write anything they wanted, and it still wouldn't hit home. Nothing they said could change the fact that her blindingly gorgeous boyfriend railed her to the moon and back almost every night. Sometimes, in fact, he did it just to spite them.

Prompt 005

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 005 Rating: Any Pairing: Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama Tags: Parenthood, Mistletoe Prompt: Saitama and Genos in ugly matching sweaters smooching under the mistletoe...and then smooching the baby nestled into Genos' arms right after.Baby also has an equally ugly, matching sweater.

Prompt 006

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 006 Rating: Any Pairing: Sonic/Zombieman Characters: Sonic, Zombieman Tags: Bondage, Dirty Talk Prompt:  "You're a lot more feisty than Flash, huh?" "You call me 'feisty' again and I'll chop your dick off." "Good luck with that. It'll just grow back."

Prompt 007

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 007 Rating: Gen Pairing: Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama Tags: Fluff Prompt: It's cold! Better stay as close as humanly possible to your cyborg roommate. Right, Saitama? This is a request for wintertime saigenos cuddles :D

Prompt 008

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 008 Rating: Teen Pairing: None or Saitama/Genos Characters: Saitama, Genos Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort Prompt: More Villlain!AU stuff! It can be something based off of someone's existing AU, or you can do your own thing! It can be shippy or gen, anything goes as long as it's the bois as villains :O

Prompt 009

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 009 Rating: Gen Pairing: None Characters: Sonic, Saitama, Genos Tags: Humor, Fluff Prompt:"SAITAMA! Mark this day, for it is the day I finally-" "Hey. I already have. Merry Christmas, Panic!" "...What?" "You didn't know today is Christmas?" "I..." "That's so sad!" "It doesn't matter! Today is the day I beat you, Saitama!" "Oh, cool. Come on in! We didn't expect another guest but there's enough food, I guess."(Sonic accidentally ends up celebrating Christmas with Saitama and Genos)

Prompt 010

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 010 Rating: Mature Pairing: None or Optional Characters: Genos Tags: Blood and gore, Inspired by Frankenstein Prompt: In a goth / fantasy / horror setting: Genos is not mechanical. He is a collection of various body parts, gathered from different creatures, obtaining their strength. All that's left of him is his pretty face. Art or writing appreciated. It can be gore if you like, or not. Shipping is optional.

Prompt 011

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 011 Rating: Any Pairing: Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama  Tags: Fluff Prompt: Any fluff with Saitama/Genos. The violence is optional but acceptable.

Prompt 012

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 012 Rating: Any Pairing: Garou/Mumen Rider Characters: Garou, Mumen Rider Tags: Fluff Prompt: Any fluff with Mumen/Garou. The violence is optional but acceptable.

Prompt 013

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 013 Rating: Any Pairing: Metal Bat/Reader Characters: Metal Bat, Reader, Zenko Tags: Tooth-rotting Fluff, Bad Cooking, Christmas Kisses Prompt: Metal Bat and his s/o are just enjoying some time off to themselves, and decided to make some holiday food, (dinner and dessert) for Zenko, as a surprise! However, it ends with the smoke alarm going off, a mess to clean up in the kitchen, and Metal Bat, his s/o, and his sister all getting takeout for dinner, and sharing a quart of ice cream. (There were no drop-down menus, at least, not on my prompt submission. All I'm asking for is some good family fluff, and a kiss or two please!)

Prompt 014

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 014 Rating: Any Pairing: Garou/Metal Bat or Optional Characters: Garou, Metal Bat Tags: First Meetings, Internal Conflict, Secret Identity Prompt: Garou and Metal Bat meet for the first time in different circumstances and both of them don't realize who the other is (or one of them doesn't realize who the other is, your choice!), and (not so) surprisingly, they end up getting along. Fastforward to when they meet in canon and realize that the guy they met the other day and had a pleasant/fun/interesting encounter with was, in fact, their enemy-by-opposing-moral-standards. Shipping, graphic violence and higher ratings are appreciated but not a must!

Prompt 015

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 015 Rating: Any Pairing: Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama, Dr. Kuseno Tags: Character Study, Family Feels, Hurt/Comfort Prompt: Before Saitama came to Genos' life, their world was confined to only the two of them; doctor and cyborg against the evil deeds of the world. One could only assume, a young and charming man like Genos would eventually find a partner and settle for a normal life, as it was meant to be. And it was not like he wished that Genos wouldn't find his place in the world and peace in his mind (God knew the boy had suffered far too much for such a young age), but as the years passed and the memory of his loss became ever more distant and Genos only seemed to care about their shared goal, the sense of familiarity and past parenthood settled tighter and tighter in Kuseno's heart, until he eventually forgot that kids grow and a metal body wouldn't stop that. And then Saitama came to Genos' life. (The summary sounds a little dark, but it's mostly a 'how does Kuseno react to Saitama entering their two-man world as he grows closer to Genos" kind of character exploration, make it as fluffy or as angsty as it feels right for you!)

Prompt 016

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 016 Rating: Teen Pairing: Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama Tags: Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Misunderstandings Prompt: As Saitama and Genos have friends over more frequently over the holiday season, their friends start to notice the affection discrepancies between Genos and Saitama. The heroes attempt to discern how much Saitama actually cares for Genos and are torn between bringing them together or helping Genos move on. (Basically, a bunch Team Genos characters meddling.)

Prompt 017

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 017 Rating: Mature Pairing: Fubuki/Psykos Characters: Fubuki, Psykos, Blizzard Group, Lily, Tatsumaki Tags: Angst, Conflict Resolution, Emotional Manipulation, First Kiss, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, Obsessive Behavior, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smut Prompt: When it comes to these two, the angst potential is astronomical. Anything during or post-canon would be awesome, with some resolution of their very messy split, or Fubuki trying to bring back the girl she once knew. Psykos not recognizing Fubuki, and then slowly regaining a few scraps of memory and then becoming obsessively preoccupied with her would be. amazing. absolutely stellar. Fubuki seeing some small reminder of her old friend at the most innocuous moments, and her struggling with the guilt of what she had to do/Psykos's current state would also be aces. Other than that, I just think these two have a fascinating dynamic past hero/villain because of their shared history. Smut would be great (maybe guilty pleasure hook-ups that they both promise themselves won't happen again) but is by no means a must. Emotional intimacy is definitely the priority here.

Prompt 018

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 018 Rating: Mature Pairing: Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama, Fubuki, King, Mumen Rider Tags: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Saitama, Courtship, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Genos is a Little Shit, Hero Saitama, Jealous Genos, Trans Saitama, Villain Genos Prompt: Villain!Genos/Hero!Saitama is my reason for living. An AU where Genos sees the corruption of the HA and goes AWOL? A random encounter where Saitama saves Mumen, who in turn is the one who tells him about the Hero Organization? Genos developing a crush at first sight and being just as single-minded and stubborn about dating him as he was about apprenticing under him? Genos taking copious notes so that he slowly develops the perfect, sure-fire way to seduce Saitama completely? You can do no wrong here. Explicit themes are welcome, but emotional intimacy is a MUST, otherwise, I'm fine without. Sprinkles of some of the other tags would absolutely guarantee you my firstborn. If not that, I'm willing to negotiate.

Prompt 019

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 019 Rating: Any Pairing: Garou/Mumen Rider Characters: Garou, Mumen, Genos, Metal Bat Tags: Action/Adventure, Developing Friendships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Stupidity Prompt: Garou, Genos and Metal Bat: These three are my OPM BROTP. They're all such extra, total hotheads, and they really need more scenes together.A scenario where the three of them have to work together would be awesome, and while before this they all thought the other two as nothing more than annoying, a friendship forms. They're all around the same age, and their different life experiences play well against one another, with MB being the one with the most 'normal' life experience.Bonus (very, very optional): +Genos and Garou dote on Zenko ++background Mumen/Garou and Genos/Saitama, with Genos and Garou getting to vent about their miserable futures, doomed to pine forever for these perfect, too-good-for-this-world men +++details of homeless Garou's day to day, and, once his friends find out, he starts bouncing from place to place, crashing where-ever is nearest once he caves in and admits to himself he misses having a bed and some sense of security ++++conversation between Saitama and Garou, fluffy and sincere, with Saitama giving him advice on how to quit burning every bridge before it's even halfway built +++++Just. the dumbest shit you can think of. The consequences of these three out together, the world at their mercy, they're all smart separately but the second they come together brain cells aren't even in the picture, they really just become three dumb teenage boys who do dumb shit when they're bored ++++++Saitama and Mumens reactions to the above shenanigans +++++++Found Family (...this got really long, lol, sorry)

Prompt 020

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 020 Rating: Gen Pairing: Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama Tags: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort Prompt: It’s Christmas, and Genos remembers his family.

Prompt 021

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 021 Rating: Any Pairing: None Characters: Amai Mask, Child Emperor Tags: Crossover (Death Note), Reincarnation Prompt: When Amai Mask (formerly Light Yamigami) first met the prospective S-class hero he was looking at a wall of monitors with a pile of lollipop wrappers beside him.

Prompt 022

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 022 Rating: Any Pairing: Saitama/Everyone, Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama, Zombieman, Sonic, King Tags: Strength Kink Prompt: Genos discovers he has a strength kink... unfortunately he’s not the only one.

Prompt 023

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 023 Rating: Any Pairing: None Characters: Saitama, Sonic, King, Genos, Puri Puri Prisoner Tags: Social Media Prompt: Saitama accidentally gets caught on camera shirtless and the internet thirsts.

Prompt 024

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 024 Rating: Any Pairing: Genos & Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama, Tags: Apocalypse, Post-Apocalypse, Grooming Prompt: The constant onslaught of monsters has brought an end to civilisation. Saitama and Genos still have each other.Hurt/comfort, grooming, postapocalyptic scenery ❤Art or writing welcome!A few ideas to be more specific: -Genos teaching Saitama how to repair him -Genos keeping Saitama warm -Christmas with random stuff recycled into decoration -Snacking in an abandoned supermarket -Making out inbetween ruins

Prompt 025

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 025 Rating: Teen Pairing: King/Tatsumaki Characters: King, Tatsumaki Tags: Fluff, First Dates, Pre-Relationship Prompt: Normally, Tatsumaki had no reason to go out anywhere with anyone, let alone with King. But then she heard the words 'Christmas Fair'.(Writing and art both fine~ Anything where they get to the fair right as it's starting to get dark and the lights all come on at once is even more fine ^^ ///)

Prompt 026

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 026 Rating: Mature Pairing: Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama, King Tags: Fluff and Angst, Tenderness, Stupidity, Dorks in Love Prompt: Saitama and Genos start dating (how is up to you!) which prompts both of them into trying to be the best boyfriend they can be, with disastrous consequences. Saitama tries to fit the "sexy attentive partner" model, instead of being the normal dude he is, and goes through the standard “I bought you flowers, got your favorite foods because you're my boyfriend instead of because I wanted to, offered myself any time you want, etc." and gets really uncomfortable, but not saying anything since Genos is into it, and he's a lot more caring than he gives himself credit for. Meanwhile Genos goes overboard as usual, doing a ton of stereotypically romantic things and recording Saitama's reactions to different combinations, trying to test for "romantic effectiveness," while just getting a hug makes him freeze up because he's so touch-starved. This continues for a while with neither of them outright saying anything, until it either hilariously or sadly implodes around Christmas, and they slow the fuck down and just hold hands. Ending is also up to you but do have a happy one! Sex is nice but not necessary, whatever works best for the plot, and fluff is always always appreciated! Any side characters or ships will also work, but it would be hilarious to fit in King giving horrible advice somewhere.

Prompt 027

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 027 Rating: Any Pairing: Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama Tags: Fluff, First Kiss, Confessions Prompt: First kiss is my weakness! Maybe the boys get caught under the mistletoe or Fubuki throws a Christmas party and things happen?! HMMMM... I have no preference for either SaiGenos or Genosai both are good! But bonus points for a pining Saitama because I am weak...

Prompt 028

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 028 Rating: Gen Pairing: None Characters: Rover Tags: Fanart, Fanfiction, Hugs Prompt: Rover needs some love! He can be huge or appropriately dog-sized, but I'd love to see him getting a hug from one of these people (and be a little overwhelmed or smothered): - Genos - Fubuki - King (a very cautious hug I'm sure) - Dr. Kuseno - Psykos No actually, I'll stop here because essentially it can be anyone. Squish that fluffy doggo. Feel free to pick your favorite and try to think up a hug that fits their character! I love that (this is mostly a fanart prompt but a cute/funny drabble of this situation is also VERY welcome)

Prompt 029

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 029 Rating: Teen Pairing: None Characters: Genos Tags: Fanart, Portraits Prompt:  A Portrait/Bust of Genos (because we'll never have enough of those) I'd love to see your take on one of the following: - Evening wear Genos, maybe visiting a masquerade ball organized by the HA. Wearing sleek, special arms for this occasion, with elegant engravings, gold or silver inlays (or whatever you think looks good. I wanna see some beautiful non-battle arms) - insects crawling out and into Genos' machinery. He's got a bug problem in canon indeed. A centipede slithering out of his chest vents over to his neck? Cockroaches spilling out of his mouth? Mosquitos covering his eyes? Go wild! Would love to see a coloured version - milky white Genos. White hair, pale skin, soft sleek arms that are opalescent. They should be the focus of the image. Maybe naked, maybe some flowing fabric surrounding him. Quite tricky this one, maybe only for someone who wants a challenge

Prompt 030

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 030 Rating: Any Pairing: Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama Tags: Fanart, Fanfiction, Camping, Getting Together, Fluff, First Time Prompt: Either dynamic (G/S or S/G) is fine! For a mission, Genos and Saitama nees to track down the lair of a monster. They leave the city for a multiple day camping trip. They're not exactly in a hurry, talk about personal things, grow closer. It feels different to sleep next to Genos in a tent than at home, and it's very cold and he's very warm so it's tempting to creep closer bit by bit. They mostly cross vast fields of tall grass, with fireflies illuminating the night. Sometimes they take a break at their improvised camp fire. It's easiest to talk about feelings when they can barely see the face of the one they're talking to.- - -This might read as a fic prompt but I'm very happy about fanart as well! Tall, serene grass fields by night, fireflies or campfires, cozy tent atmosphere, just to name a few things I'd love to see! If you'd rather have an idea for writing that's amazing! First times are absolutely lovely in this scenario, too!

Prompt 031

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 031 Rating: Explicit Pairing: None or Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama Tags: Fanart, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Gore, Smut Prompt: Oil tears • heat • one villain • a hero suit, half undressed • robot gore • worship • kiss Choose two or more, interprete them as you like into an artwork. S / G or vice versa, or either character alone, nsfw is optional.🖤

Prompt 032

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 032 Rating: Gen Pairing: Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama, Dr. Kuseno, Fubuki, Tatsumaki Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending, Alternate Universe, Fairy Tale Elements Prompt: [Medieval AU] Saitama stumbles upon a small stone cottage in the thick of the woods.

Prompt 033

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 033 Rating: Gen Pairing: Saitama/Fubuki, Saitama/Genos/Fubuki, Genos & Fubuki Characters: Saitama, Genos, Fubuki Tags: Angst, Comfort, Fluff Prompt: SAIBUKI Prompt Their dating life has gone as good as it can get. It’s different for Fubuki being with a guy that’s so simple as Saitama, but she picks up to the routine and is enjoying herself for the most part. Now if only his disciple could do the same for her. Genos gives Fubuki a hard time what with dating his Sensei. After countless of times bringing up the issue to Saitama and it going dismissed, Fubuki confronts Genos herself in an attempt to try and have a heart to heart with the Cyborg.

Prompt 034

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 034 Rating: Any Pairing: Garou/Mumen Rider Characters: Garou, Mumen Rider Tags: Fluff, Getting Together, Confessions, 5+1 Things, Getting to Know Each Other Prompt: Mumen sees a half-starved Garou staring into the window of a restaurant, and buys him a meal. His mother always warned him never to feed strays, but when it comes to Garou, he can't help it. Over a few shared meals, they grow close...Take your pick of the tags, fic or art are both good! Bonus points for making it festive.

Prompt 035

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 035 Rating: Mature Pairing: Genos/Saitama Characters: Genos, Saitama Tags: Costumes, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut Prompt: After wrecking one too many pairs of designer jeans, Genos decides to follow in his sensei's footsteps and find a hero costume. Saitama gives his opinions, and whilst there are some that don't do Genos any favours, others look too damn good to be seen by the general public.Smut optional; up to you whether or not Genos decides upon a costume ;)

Prompt 036

Tag: #OPMSS Prompt 036 Rating: Teen Pairing: King/Tatsumaki Characters: King, Tatsumaki Tags: Fluff, Friendship/Love Prompt: Tatsu is having a terrible day when she finds an unlikely ally (King). Everything is a little bit better with someone on your side. Can be friendship or the start of something more.

[prorevenge]

He tore my ankle ligaments, and now his nose is pointing in the wrong direction

TL;DR at the end.

Background (feel free to skip it)

I am a big guy (6ft, 275lbs) and I am not all muscle. I used to play soccer as a kid until I was 17 years old when I took a nasty knee injury that ended my hopes to play pro. I started to gain weight over the years, partly due to bad habits and lack of exercise. I reached 325lbs at one point and it felt like I was about to die. That's when I decided enough was enough and it was time to turn my life around. Started eating healthy, and slowly picked up the exercise bug again. I also joined a 6v6 soccer league in my city where my friends had a team and invited me to play. I'd play soccer once a week, go the gym thrice a week, then rest and chill. It was great.

On a soccer pitch you don't expect 300lbs+ guys to be running around or even be skilled enough to dribble through defenders. Most teams wouldn't even mark me (I played as a striker) until I scored a goal or dribbled through two of their players. That earned me some respect on the pitch, I had competitor players come to complement my performance after the games. I even made friends with league coordinators who at times cheered me after a nice pass or goal. It was just great... I felt I was alive again.

The Wrong-doing

At the time of this story, I had lost about 30lbs (I was 295ish). We were playing a long Winter League which is basically 14 games (14 weeks) and we knew almost every team in the league... except for one team. It was the 4th game of the season and we were scheduled to play the new team. A bunch of big guys that looked like they were straight out of an MMA competition. The game starts, as usual, I am not marked... I literally had enough space to park truck with no defender giving me a thought. I received the ball, ran for the goal, then buried it in the bottom corner. Easiest goal ever. Five minutes later, I did it again. Now I had their attention, and I was being marked by a guy who from now on we will call Jackass.

Jackass tried every trick to take the ball from me, and failed. The more he tried the more frustrated he became. Then at one point, I had the ball, dribbled and did a body feint and he dropped on his ass trying to correct his direction. I crossed the ball and we scored the third. It was humiliating but I didn't mean it like that. He stood up and walked right next me and said:

Jackass: You think you're having fun, fat ass?

Me: You're not really going to talk shit on a recreational soccer game, are you?

Jackass: I am not talking shit. I am just asking if you're having fun.

Me: Yeah, I am. And you?

Jackass: I will have my fun in a bit.

I didn't really know what he meant but I didn't give it a thought. A few minutes later, I receive the ball again, Jackass is like a step or two behind me. The next thing I know is my left foot (the one planted in the ground as I received the ball with my right foot) is twisted, I hear a loud popping sound from my ankle and I am on the ground. A moment later, a jolt of excruciating pain in my ankle made me groan like an elephant stomped on my foot. Jackass has taken an illegal sliding tackle on my left foot and it tore my ankle under my body weight. Then, he literally stood up and leaned down on me and said "Now I had my fun". I was out of the game.

Fast Forward 24 hours, my ankle is swollen the size of a large grapefruit. I see a doctor who diagnoses that my Anterior Talofibular Ligament has a 2nd degree tear... This is the strongest ligament in your ankle btw. I can't play any sport and only use my foot lightly for 8 weeks minimum. I made sure I submitted an incident report to the league after the game, then kept all the receipts for medical treatment as a result of the injury. It took a toll on me emotionally as it reminded me of my old knee injury that ended my soccer dreams. I was determined not to slip into depression again though.

Even though I could no longer go to the gym or the pitch, I was still eating healthy and spend the next 8 weeks planning my revenge.

​

It took me 9 weeks to recover, which was better than the Sports Specialist predicted. I was back in the last game of the season before the two play-off games. We were playing Jackass and his team again. I had spent my whole recovery time doing my very best to get ready to make that game. Took physio's advice and applied them to the letter, did anything and everything to make sure that I am good to play. I made it. Now it was time to exact revenge.

​

The Revenge

I concocted a plan with my friend Dave to exact revenge on Jackass, one that would leave him with a permanent memento from Yours Truly. Jackass likes to stay behind then make a vicious tackle, push or shove when the player he is marking is about to receive the ball. I was going to use that against him the worst way.

​

In the game, I made sure Jackass felt like I was scared of him. When I received the ball, I got rid of it too quickly, and if I was dribbling, I either passed it or let it go as if I was avoiding contact. This encouraged him to stay with me and to scare me even more. He literally played the first 15 mins of the game with a smug all over his ugly face.

​

That was about to change.

​

About 20 mins into the game, we get a corner kick. Dave goes to play the kick and I stand in the box, Jackass is two steps behind. Dave was about to take the kick then he stopped and nodded "No". This meant Jackass was no longer in position and we couldn't do what we planned to do. This happened a couple of more times. Then it is the fourth corner kick towards the end of the first half. Dave is taking the kick. He looks at me and he nods "Yes". Jackass is two steps behind me and is now marking me again. I put my hand up and shout "HERE, DAVE"... Jackass now commits to me. Dave then goes on to play this sweet perfect cross right above my head level. Jackass goes on to do his standard come-from-behind-and-do-something-nasty routine.

​

At that very moment, I plant both feet in the ground, expecting the shove from behind, lean backwards and launch my body towards Jackass. He is going for the ball with his head, and I am going with my head for his face. He perfectly planted his face in the back of my head (his head going forward, and my head going backwards). I swear I could hear his nose break on the back of my head. We both fall to the ground and I drop my 290lbs fat ass on top of him, catching him with my elbow, straight into the eyebrow. As I turn around on the ground, he has a cut on his eyebrow, his nose is broken and is literally pointing to the left, and he is bleeding. I shout "FIRST AID KIT HERE PLEASE", then tell everyone I was First Aid certified and start sitting him up and leaning his head backwards to stop the bleeding. In the process, I pinch his nose to check if it's alright :D, and he screams like a little girl. Then I say "Oh, it seems your nose is broken". League Coordinators cart him out, and an ambulance picks him up a few minutes later.

​

After the game, he sent a message saying he is suing me for intentionally breaking his nose and cutting his eyebrow. The League Coordinators did not support his incident report and said that it was he who went for me from behind and that I couldn't have anticipated that, let alone injure him so badly if it weren't for his own force. They also indicated that I was the first person to provide first aid to him after the fall. He had no leg to stand on, and his claim was dismissed.

​

Then I sent him a letter from my lawyer letting him know I was suing him for my injuries 9 weeks prior, supporting that with doctor's reports, physio reports, and the league's incident report where the League Coordinators concluded that his tackle was both illegal and deliberate. He had received a warning from the league that he would be permanently banned for such behavior. The league then went on to ban him from participating in the games. He reimbursed me $2300 in medical costs.

​

I scored 3 goals that game. We won and made it to the playoffs, then we beat them again in the play-offs and won the league. I am still on track with my weight-loss.

​

TL;DR - A Jackass couldn't take playing a soccer game against a better team, decided to break my ankle in a nasty illegal tackle. I ended up with torn ligaments that took 9 weeks to recover. The next time on the field, he ended up with a cut on his eyebrow and his nose pointing in the wrong direction. Then paid me up for my medical expenses.

(source) story by (/u/shrekstah)

[mugen-monogatari]

5 Quality Yet Accessible Tragic Anime You Should Watch

Let’s talk about tragedy in anime. Ain’t nothin’ like watching some sad anime boys experiencing sad things while I sit there and cry. I love tragedy in anime, there’s just a certain satisfaction in ‘dissatisfaction’. Sometimes, it’s far more meaningful for someone to lose a fight, to make a hard decision or sacrifice something. Maybe the hero never saves the girl, or a loved one just doesn’t make it. Yes, in a perfect world everyone ends up happy, but this isn’t a perfect world. People suffer, and sometimes it ends on a good note, sometimes everything goes to hell and the world burns. That gritty realism and human error adds a level of empathy and depth to many shows that would otherwise lack it. I personally think it’s worth talking about that, since I don’t think tragic anime get enough love.

So I thought I’d make a quick list of 5 accessible yet Quality tragedy series, ranging from pretty popular and accessible, to slightly more niche. Many of you have seen these series I’m sure, but with the continuous stream of shows being released every single season, it can be hard to either go back and watch older shows, or stay on top of newer ones. These are just a few picks that I would urge anyone and everyone to go and at least try.

I should also preface this by saying, when I say tragedy, it doesn’t mean the show has a depressing ending. By tragedy I’m referring to tragic events happening in a show regularly, be it at the end, the beginning or throughout. Simply putting something on this list, doesn’t mean it has a tragic ending, so you can rest assured there are still surprises to come when watching these.

Also, these are all my opinions, everyone is entitled to them. You can disagree or agree, it’s up to you, we can even discuss my peeps. Just don’t brutalize me for shows you don’t like or if one of your favorites isn’t on this list.

All of that being said, Here are 5 tragic series I think everyone should at least try:

1. Code Geass

Starting off simple we have Code Geass. What a show this was back in the day. Death Note, mixed with Mechs and sci-fi and chess and a whole lot of edge. For many people, they have already seen it, it’s almost guaranteed if you watched anime in the early 2000s. However, as time goes on, this series slowly falls into obscurity, many people being less attracted by its flamboyant art style and the ever growing age. It seems like Code Geass is slowly fading away with time, people online aren’t forgetting about it, but moving on, and many new fans are understandably detracted from a show like this.

But they’re all wrong. This series is incredible. It’s a fundamental “must-watch” show. Sure, it shows it’s age now, but that doesn’t detract from it’s plot and characters. With a very likeable cast, a constantly expanding story, high stakes, insane powers and mind games, politics and action, all of these make an insanely good series, one that warrants repeated viewing to this day. What starts as a boy being in the wrong place at the wrong time, blows up into a worldwide conflict. This is one of those series that sticks with you, there are scenes and moments in this you just never forget moving forward.

Some of the things I love is Sunrise’s mech designs, Lancelot as well as many of the Knightmare frame designs in the movies and show are still fun and vibrant to this day. Many old Mecha shows become redundant years later as the designs don’t hold up. This one though, certainly does.

I also really love the voice acting. Yes the sub is good, but the dub (fight me) is just mwah. Johnny Yong Bosch as Lelouch is nut worthy. Just watch the first episode where he gives his first command. Insta nut. I’m telling you.

I also love the endings of both seasons. I think the first is a really good climax, while the second season closes about as well as this could, while still coming out of left field.

Some things that I think detract people, definitely start with the art style. Sunrise’s designs for the machines and backgrounds and such is fine, it looks good, however Clamp’s character designs are definitely an acquired taste. They’re not for everyone. Everyone looks super slender, almost cartoon like in their clothes and proportions. Yes you get used to it, but they still look very “different” to the standard, even back when it first came out.

Another is sometimes, the show just goes to very strange places, for example having an episode to do with drug addiction that just came out of left-field. In the same vein, some people have very mixed opinions on season two, not entirely liking the direction it goes and some of the character developments. However, a lot of these things are subjective and I’ll leave them up to you to decide.

Spanning two, 25 episode seasons (you can definitely just pretend the movie never happened) as well as several spin off OVAs and Shorts (Those you actually can watch though), the series is a pretty long watch by today’s standards, but it’s definitely worth it.

2. Zankyou No Terror

Next up, we have Terror in Resonance. This one for sure is worth the watch even without the tragedy. This is one of those shows, which is so visually appealing to watch. It’s one of the most aesthetically pleasing shows I’ve ever seen. I guarantee anyone who’s interested in aesthetic gifs and images of weeb stuff, has seen shots from this show without even realizing it. It’s not exactly a niche show, but it’s a little less accessible than something like “Angel Beats”, with a much more serious and gritty tone. It’s not criminally underrated, but I just really wish more people had seen this, since it genuinely is a beautiful series.

Some of the things I really love about this show, is (as I’ve mentioned a thousand times) the aesthetic sense. Every shot in this series is screenshot worthy, with plenty scenes making for ‘straight-out-the-box’ gifs and icons and whatever it is you kids use screenshots for. Even the food, just like papa Gigguk mentioned, is just mwah, spicy stuff. I attribute this to the very well considered color palette, realistic lighting and designs, as well as just overall good cinematography.

On the less visible side of things, the story hold ups really well too, with some very genuinely emotional moments and scenes. Just like Code Geass above, this series has a very well considered ending, with a “Wholesome”(?) message at the end.

The only negatives I can really give for the series, is some pacing issues if you’re an impatient brat like me, as well as almost a complete lack of lightheartedness. The series can be sweet and touching, but it’s almost always dark and serious at the same time, with no time to relax or breathe throughout.

I think there isn’t as much to say about ZnT as there is about Code geass, as it’s not as subjective. It is an objectively high quality show, your own enjoyment of it is what varies. Unlike Code Geass, there isn’t many flaws, but it doesn’t take as many risks. To me, this show is a very safe bet. It looks gorgeous, is only 11 episodes (you big boys and girls can binge that) and tells a satisfying, self-contained story. A little bonus is that it’s directed by Shinichiro Watanabe, famous for Cowboy Bebop and Samurai Champloo, so hey- It has that going for it too.

3. Parasyte: The Maxim

Following on, we have one of the series that introduced me to tragedy, Parasyte: The Maxim. Let me tell you, this series is dark. And violent. Very violent at times.

When it first aired in 2014, the response was pretty good, it didn’t reach critical Acclaim, but had its own cult following, with the manga having been published from the late 80s to the mid 90s. For me, this was one of my first truly “darker” and more violent anime, having really only watched shounen and some seinen before that. This to me isn’t one of the best stories ever, the characters are fine, and the show looks acceptable. But while it doesn’t excel in anything, it does everything really well. To me, it’s the perfect bridge from Casual fan, to serious- or even as a primer for more dark and violent stories, such as Berserk or dare I say it Tokyo Ghoul (Read the manga, please don’t support the anime adaptation).

For me personally, I really Liked the main character, he drove the show on for me. Watching him develop into someone completely different from the beginning of the show, was a real draw to me. He’s likeable, relatable to an extent, and he had a complete character arc. Shinichi in the beginning is not the same character as in the end.

This character is also used to convey a deeper meaning about what humanity is and how we define the term. It’s a really interesting series about us as a race, with some genuine things to discuss and think about, which leaves a longer lasting impression than most shows. It’s the sort of series that makes you want to share it with other people just so you can talk to them about it. Ah- and it’ll hit you in the feels. This show is genuinely tragic through out, but still stays personal to the small cast, which to me, is the sign of a really good tragedy. Despite things going on in the entire world, they make you care about these few people specifically.

However, it has it’s own problems too. Art wise, it’s very faithful to the original source material, capturing the feel of it, the low key oppressive vibes. However, this also means, it can look a little… ‘Bland’? At times. The earthy colors can be a little drab, especially in an age were Studio Trigger, for example, can make an eye-gasm worthy scene using colours you didn’t even know existed.

The other problem, is some of the characters are very one dimensional. Take the love interest, she doesn’t really develop or change at all throughout the series, but I personally give this a pass as she’s not super relevant to the story anyway.

A fair warning though, this series has some strong violence, plenty of gore and mutilation, if that’s a problem for you, I suggest either giving this one a skip, or just trying to sit through it. It’ll be a good learning experience.

Spanning a fair 24 episodes, having aired in 2014, this series is both bingeable, and holds-up very well in the modern ecosystem of anime. To me, this is a pretty top tier show, a solid 8/10, it’s very good, a really well made show, It makes for the perfect bridge into far more serious and dark stories, such as maybe Berserk and Devilman, hence why I put it on this list.

4. Fate/Zero

For my second to last show, perhaps one of the most well known franchises, that is lowkey kinda niche. Fate is a series everyone knows the existence of, but not as many people have actually watched, especially not casual fans. To be frank, it’s intimidating. The series has no real easy entry point, and all the timelines are relatively interwoven, you can’t just bounce around. Everything spoils everything and it’s scary to even look at a list of fate entries.

That’s why I picked Fate Zero. To me, it’s the best entry point into the Type/Moon genre. For those of you who don’t know, it’s basically a battle royal between seven summoners who each have a servant of different classes. They all have to fight for the Holy Grail, an artifact that will grant them a single wish. Sounds simple right?

Well it’s not. The entire series is full of not only badass action, but plenty of mind games and ‘cat-and-mouse’ between the characters. It’s brutal, it’s tragic, violent and uplifting. Ufotable delivers some of the highest quality animation you’ll see in your life (they’re renowned for it), but it doesn’t just look good. The story is compelling, the characters are genuinely likeable and by the end, I wanted everyone to live and survive. Everyone has believable and compelling motivation, and even the objectively evil characters, like Caster, are still likeable, because you begin to love to hate them. The entire season honestly plays out more like a compressed microcosmic version of Game of Thrones, than a battle royal anime.

There are plenty of things I like about this series, the plot is really fun, the fights are pretty damn cool and it can be a very emotional show at times. I could talk about these aspects endlessly. However, the thing that really makes Fate for me, is the characters. Each individual characters gets some time and attention, and with the exception of a few, you really genuinely like and care about everyone. You want everyone to win, or at least survive, since all of them are either genuinely lovable, or have very compelling motivation.

The other part to it is, this is the best starting point for the rest of Fate, and I would actually argue that it enhances many scenes found in the subsequent (story wise) series, even if they aired prior to Zero. This series both introduced me to Fate, and got me attached and invested in the world, which is the sign of a good (technically) first series.

On the other hand, it has problems. First of all, it’s pretty interwoven with the later series. Those came before it and set up a lot of mysteries and ideas that Zero goes out of it’s way to explain, from character identities to events in the timeline, watching Zero will spoil a lot of those things, which may lessen the later experiences for some people.

The other flaw is despite being maybe the best starting point for Fate, it still isn’t entirely accessible. The show can be straight up confusing at times, at least for someone who hasn’t seen Fate. Many elements of the world aren’t explained and you’re just expected to go along with it, since it’s either just a part of this world, or explained in other series. Which is fine, but often lead to some rather “But wait… What just happened?” moments.

Ultimately, Fate/Zero is fantastic series for anyone looking for a really good character drama, full of magic and badass historical references. It’s not the best introduction but it’s the best you’ll get from Fate. Similarly to Code Geass and ZnT, the series has a really good conclusion in my opinion, with plenty of tragic moments sprinkled throughout.

For Fate, Zero specifically consists of two seasons of 12 episodes each, for a bingeable 24 episode series. For ideas where to go next from this, look for my upcoming Tumblr Post explaining the fate continuity.

5. Mobile Suit Gundam : Iron-Blooded Orphans

And Finally, we come to our last pick of the day. This is a series, I would urge anyone to watch. If I could make you watch one Single series from this list, this would be it. Throw away any views you have on the franchise or the genre, don’t be afraid of the name, just give this series a try.

Iron Blooded Orphans follows a small mercenary band of boys who just want to make a home for themselves in a galaxy strained by political unrest. The premise is simple, just people trying to survive and make a life for themselves.

Well what if I told you it was directed and written by the same Duo that made AnoHana, one of the most commonly acknowledged tragic shows out there. This duo write and direct stories about innocent children being put through immense hardship and this series is no different. This show is tragic, painful even. I sobbed as many times as I laughed and smiled in this show. We spend a season watching them come up in the world, only to watch everything get torn apart in the second season, and it is genuinely emotional and heart wrenching.

Something I love about this series, is the characters and how attached you become to them. Death is a genuine threat in this show, even if you don’t feel it in the beginning. When people die, it hurts, and that applies to IBO, where each death leaves resounding ripples on the people around them. It handles familial relationships really well, making you believe in these people and their emotions. When they suffer, you cry for them, and when they get brief moments of respite, you do too. I love how invested you become in this ragtag team of boys, making some of the later scenes all the more devastating when they happen.

Another thing I love is the stakes. Within the second season, the pressure to perform is on, the first season, while having threats and such, was never even close to season two. To be vague, one of my favorite moments is when a character has to land a decisive shot in the midst of a battle, and everyone’s lives are on the line. That entire confrontation is one of my favorite scenes in anime of all time. It is truly suspenseful and will take you on an emotional journey.

To top it all off, it’s made by Sunrise. If you like Mechs, well oh boy do they have you covered, and if you don’t- well oh boy, you will when you’re done. This show makes the mech Genre, and Gundam entirely accessible, you need no prior knowledge, you don’t need to be a fan to enjoy it. The fights are really fun and have genuinely cool moments, as cool as it can get for a mech anyway. The characters and story are well written and everything just comes together to make a very well produced show- Good job Sunrise.

It doesn’t go without it’s own problems though. The first 20 ish episodes, until they get to earth, are not pointless, but have some pacing issues, as well as low stakes. There are threats and people die, but you never feel that scared or intense. Then towards the end of season one, the show kicks into high gear. To counteract this slow start, the series has a phenomenal season two that I genuinely believe everyone should watch, as it’s a perfect example of character drama done exceptionally well.

The series is comprised of two seasons of 25 episodes each, totaling a measly (if you’re a big boy or girl) 50 episodes. There is several related forms of media, nothing worth mentioning though, for more Gundam, you’re better off watching other series from the franchise.

If I can only force you to watch one, please go out and watch Iron Blooded Orphans. To me, it’s 9- pushing a 10/10 series, with a undeniably slow start, but a fantastic heart felt, emotional ending.

So that’s it from me guys. Thanks for taking the time to read the ramblings of a mad man like me, but I hope this gives some people some ideas on where to go next or what they can watch now. If you enjoyed, make sure to follow me for more discussions and lists and whatever else anime related. If you have any advice, or want to discuss something with me, go ahead let me know, other than that- Leave, go outside, get some fresh air after reading all that.

[tjkiahgb]

Episode Recap: 3.10, “The Quacks”

The episode picks up not long after the last episode ended, with Buffy asking her friends just what in the hell that Secret Society scheme was all about.

Her friends, who were super excited to help Walker out last week, waste no time throwing him under the bus now.

Jonah didn’t like the Secret Society stuff.

Cyrus didn’t like the robes.

Andi thinks it was kind of a sick way to ask someone to a dance.

Walker watch out for the bus oh my god he has airpods in he can’t hear us! oh my god!

Buffy reels off a list of the things she didn’t like about what happened: no to surprises, no to being put on the spot, and no to predictability. The candles were cool though.

Andi asks if Buffy still likes Walker and she gives a resounding ehh. Buffy explains that Walker made her shoes like how he made Andi shoes once, a long time ago. Andi thinks that is so wrong. Buffy says it’s his “signature move.” Andi and Buffy imagine Walker’s given shoes to every girl in town.

Am I going crazy here? He’s an artist? He makes artsy gifts for people? This would be like getting mad at Andi for making you a craft gift. It’s what she does! It’s not like Walker’s going around giving everyone cheap store-bought gifts like horrible little gnomes or neon green shoelaces. As long as he didn’t copy the exact mural he made with Andi that one time, what’s the problem? It’s a homemade gift. He had to spend time working on it. It’s still really nice. By this standard, would he have also not been allowed to make a drawing of Buffy as a gift? He’s already done that for Andi so that’s off the table. Find a new way to be creative, Walker. Make a necklace out of discarded soda can tabs or make a headband out of an old belt or something. I know art is your thing, but, sorry, you’ve played that card. It’s over now. Move on.

By the way, Andi and Buffy assume, with zero evidence, that Walker is going around town giving shoes to every girl like an unfixed cobbler in heat. Why?

They also assume all those girls would wear those shoes he gave them as gifts to public places like the school dance, despite not being in a relationship with him. I do feel like most people wouldn’t wear something an ex gave them while currently being in a relationship with another person. That’s so thoughtless. Wear shoes Walker gave you as a romantic gift while hanging out around your current boyfriend? Who in the world would behave like that? That would be crazy. A monument to poor decision making. I simply can’t imagine.

Aaaaaanyway, Cyrus assumes that’s it then. Buffy’s breaking up with Walker. And Buffy’s like, yeah, we’re done. I’m ghosting him. Cyrus tells her that’s not good enough. Talk to him. Break up with him in person.

Feels like Cyrus could save himself a lot of energy by recording a voice memo on his phone that says “YOU HAVE TO COMMUNICATE!” and just playing it for his friends over and over again.

Buffy thinks Walker knows, but Jonah assures her he doesn’t because: “He’s a guy.”

The pinpoint accuracy of those three words rattles Buffy to her core.

At the dance studio, Cyrus... dances?

...has a seizure?

...gets attacked by a swarm of gnats?

...reenacts the Ides of March?

...is possessed by the spirit of an evil marionette?

I’m just not sure.

Amber shows up and asks if he’s rehearsing being electrocuted.

Ah. Damn. That’s a good one.

Cyrus tells her he has to come up with an original dance for his choreography final and perform it. Wild that he’s already got a final exam. His dance class was like a month long. No wonder it seems like all he’s learned to do is flail his arms about. Amber volunteers to tutor him in the art of dance choreography.

Wait, does Amber know how to dance? I mean, I guess she did at the house party that one time. But can she really teach Cyrus to capture the raw, super strange energy of this performance?

I have my doubts.

Over at Bex’s, Bowie presents Andi and Bex with a surprise.

That’s right! A plank!

Andi wants to know who the Quinns are. Bowie thinks they all will be, after the marriage. Bex isn’t so sure. (Maybe hyphenate?) Bowie thinks it’s important, bonding them all together as a tribe, but Bex also thinks it’s important for everyone to choose their own identity. (Hyphenate?) Mack is part of who Bex is. For example, it’s on her bowling shirt. (Hyphenate. Stitch “-Quinn” right on to the end of that bad boy.)

Andi proposes they mash up their names but they realize that would make them the Quacks and abandon that idea so quickly they never even consider they could also become the Mann family, which is pretty sweet.

Back at the dance studio, Amber asks Cyrus to touch his toes. He can’t, but in fairness, he’s only been at this dance thing for like two weeks.

Amber tries to get him to do some moves but Cyrus says it’s too hard, so Amber hair-slaps some sense into him.

At the gym for the first Spikes game, Buffy watches the opposing team warmup and settles into some depressing fatalism.

Her teammate, who the end credits tell me was named Kaitlin, says the team is well-aware of that because Buffy’s been saying it all week. Kaitlin tries to get Buffy to say something that builds confidence in the team but Buffy’s not interested.

The team’s coach shows up.

Her name is Mrs. Deborah Mendenhall. She’s the guidance counselor. She’s also late to the game, knows nothing about basketball, has the gait and posture of an elderly woman, and is dressed like a flight attendant for some reason.

On the bright side, she brought orange slices.

So at least no one will get scurvy.

Kaitlin points out that the good news is they don’t have enough girls to even play. Buffy’s shocked no one else is coming and wants to know why. Kaitlin tells her it’s probably because Buffy’s spent the entire week telling everyone they were going to lose and be humiliated.

Look, say what you will about TJ as a team captain, but he only went after one player on his team. Buffy recruited this girls’ team, then spent several weeks alienating and insulting them and eventually got 2/3s of her team to quit before they even got to play their first game.

I hope she’s cleared her calendar for a ton of redemption arcs.

Buffy says the loss would have been really embarrassing, but now they’re going to have to forfeit, which she feels is way worse.

I disagree. You can forfeit with some dignity. Floundering around the court while the other team beats you down leaves barely any room for that.

It’s like this. Say you’re going to a party, but right before you get there, you get mud all over the back of your pants. Huge stain. Can’t get it out. Just go home, right? Forfeit the evening. You walk into that party and everyone’s going to think you had a horrible accident. You can desperately try to explain it’s mud, or you can try to own it in some weird way I can’t even imagine, but let’s be honest, all you’re going to get is a mean nickname and an unflattering reputation about town.

The lesson, kids, is if you have a chance to forfeit, forfeit.

Buffy decides, instead, she’s going to try calling the team.

Up in the stands, Andi asks Libby if she’s still planning on breaking up with Jonah. Libby is. She then points at Jonah and mimics him texting like a dope. Jonah, who is good at picking up subtle hints, wonders if these two are talking about him.

Buffy has no luck convincing anyone from the team to come get publicly humiliated. I say call TJ. Tell him to grab a wig and race down to the gym. Worth a shot.

Instead Buffy looks into the stands to try and find a replacement. She spots her artsy friend who’s shown almost zero athletic ability over the years...

...and thinks, yep, there’s the ticket.

So, Buffy drags Andi out of the bleachers and to the locker room to change as Jonah and Cyrus head up to sit next to Libby.

Cyrus greets Libby with sign language.

Oh, by the way, Cyrus also knows sign language now. Where did he find the time? I can barely commit to the 10 minute Duolingo Spanish lessons on my phone.

Jonah asks Cyrus to do some translating. He wants to know if Libby is mad at him. Libby wants him to learn sign language. Jonah apologizes through Cyrus, but Libby walks away.

Cyrus tells Jonah texting Libby used to be an okay way to communicate, but now the two have been going out for a while. Perfect opportunity for him to pull out his phone and play the “YOU HAVE TO COMMUNICATE!” message.

Also, a while? It’s not been like, a couple weeks? Cyrus’s dance class is over already, Buffy’s team is just now having their first game of the season, Jonah and Libby have been dating two years and I’ve lost complete understanding of the timeline again.

Jonah says he hasn’t learned because he’s afraid he’ll be bad at it.

Cyrus says it’ll be enough if he’s making the effort, but I just want to put this back on the table: forfeit the relationship. Take your mud-stained pants and go home.

At Bex’s, Bex approaches Bowie to do some compatibility testing of their relationship by asking some big questions and jotting down some answers to compare.

Bowie asks her about calzones. I’ll take this one, Bex. It’s pizza with excess bread. It’s hard to get a good cook on the stuffing. The toppings are rarely dispersed in a satisfying way. Not worth it.

Oh? Guess Bex and I are more compatible than I thought.

Bex wants to play seriously though, so they jump in. Bex asks if Bowie would ever want to have more kids, to which Bowie is like...

I mean, why not? If it all goes wrong, Celia’s still around, right?

Buffy brings her newest basketball recruit out to the gym so the game can finally begin. Things don’t start so hot.

Andi gets a pass and then takes off running with the ball like a halfback on a football team.

She forgot about dribbling. Bad sign. Dribbling is probably the second rule almost all people know about basketball behind knowing that the ball has to go into the basket to score points. God, I hope she remembers that at least.

Things don’t get much better from there. The public humiliation of the basketball team happens just as it was foretold.

Mrs. Mendenhall, meanwhile, spends time handing out snacks to the opposing team.

I’d normally be mad about this but she clearly has too many oranges. There’s only five people on Buffy’s team. Might as well not let them go to waste.

Andi gets the ball again and immediately turns it over.

Buffy was worried about being embarrassed, but honestly, Andi’s taking the brunt of it here. Maybe stop giving her the ball? Save her from herself.

Buffy mercifully calls a timeout to think things over.

She pulls the team into a huddle. They think she’s going to chew them out, but instead, she thanks them for showing up. She apologizes for being a bad captain and says she’s realized losing is not the worst thing ever. It’s great that those who showed up are there and that they’re in the game.

Or, basically, isn’t it nice to just be alive and doing stuff? Which is a decent message for life but a really low bar to hurdle for team sports. Congrats to us all on not dying.

They start playing again with a newfound, joyous outlook. I’m glad they’re happy with this, but their play is hurting me physically.

Kaitlin catches a pass and goes up for a lay-up from about a foot away from the basket and nearly misses not just the hoop, but the entire backboard.

It thuds off the side of the backboard and makes a noise that’s like nails on a chalkboard to me. This should be a wake up call for Kaitlin to get her vision checked. Or some kind of medical checkup. Something’s wrong.

Andi gets a pass, then, for some reason, spins, runs the wrong way, and hucks a wild shot up from half-court at the wrong basket.

It goes in as the game ends. Everyone celebrates for different reasons. I’m light headed.

Are we really sure that wasn’t worse than just leaving early? Are we really going with the lesson here of: “Kids, it doesn’t matter how terrible you do, as long as you do.” I hope no one growing up to be a doctor or pilot feels that way. Please, do those jobs well or don’t do them at all. No one’s gonna cheer you if you put the wrong organ inside your surgery patient or get lost and crash land into the ocean.

At Bex’s, Bex and Bowie review their answers and find themselves to be really compatible.

I think the biggest sign of their compatibility was that neither of them thought to ask the other any of these big, important life questions before agreeing to get married.

Lack of forethought and an improvisational approach to life problems suits them well, I guess.

Jonah meets Libby outside the school. He asks her to teach him sign language in sign language.

If he really wants to learn, he should hunt down the 5th grade teacher who made everyone else so fluent.

Libby agrees to. She tells Jonah she likes him.

Jonah says he likes her, 2. They seem to have reached a good level of understanding in their relationship. Amazing what COMMUNICATION! can do.

At Cyrus’s dance class, Cyrus prepares to deliver his final. Amber psyches him up, he heads out onto the floor, and...

Guys. It’s no good.

I mean, he’s doing this march walk thing.

And this scuba move like he’s dancing at a party from some 1960s beach movie.

And the robot.

His big finale is the sprinkler, of all things...

...followed by the Glee throw-your-fist-up-and-look-to-the-sky move.

I just don’t see how Cyrus passes this.

How do you watch that as a dance teacher and not go, “That was the laziest collection of basic, stock dance moves I’ve ever seen. Did you learn nothing? Did you even practice?”

Is this all another lesson about just showing up and doing a terrible job and being happy with that? Again, it’s good to have a positive attitude, but that’s not going to save your GPA.

At Bex’s, Bowie sits Andi and Bex down for a new surprise.

That’s right. Another plank!

Bowie probably should’ve learned to get everyone on board with his decision first before committing to a plank. That “The Quinns” plank is basically expensive firewood at this point.

But Bowie wins Andi and Bex over with this one.

And the news that he intends to take the Mack last name. It really was a foregone conclusion. Doesn’t he know what show he’s on? It’s called Andi Mack, not Andi Quinn. There’s already all tons of merchandise. What are you going to do, render that stuff worthless? Pfft. Good luck going up against the Disney Corporation’s profits, bud.

Bex wants to know if he’s sure he wants to be a Mack, and deal with all of the things that come with being a Mack. But Bowie’s in.

So, the Quinn names dies with Cookie. Long live the Quinns.

At school, Buffy takes out her phone and makes a call. The person on the other end of the line picks up. Buffy’s like, hey, last time I saw you, I don’t think I handled things very well and can we please meet up to talk?

And who’s on the other end of the call?

This guy!

Oh, who is this guy again? God, it’s on the tip of my tongue. It was a weird name. The kind of name they stopped giving babies in the 1950s.

I wanna say Harry? Ronny? Ralph? Was it Ralph? I feel like there was a Y in there.

Let’s just call him Not Walker for now until I can dig through the Andi Mack wiki for answers.

[airbender-dacyon]

So… if you’re new to my blog, this is a pretty common occurrence, unfortunately.  I tend to be regularly active for a short stretch of time and then go radio silent for weeks or months on end.  It’s never intentional and I always say something like this when I get back from a hiatus – I apologize for being away and not taking care of things like I needed to.  It can be as simple as answering an ask or messaging a friend – and all of you have the patience of saints, especially @kristallioness – or taking care of things for Kataang Week.  Things that should rightly take only a few minutes – or maybe twenty-thirty minutes of my day or even of my week – if I could focus long enough to take care of them. 

I guess this is just going to be a flow of consciousness sort of thing.  We’ll see if it makes any sense at the end. 

I started grad school a few months ago and combined with everything else this year (work/family stresses, losing two close relatives, etc.), my life has felt like hell.  There’s been the good parts – grad school is going alright, I’m learning, I’m furthering my experience and knowledge within my field, I’ve made plenty of friends and gotten to grow a bit as a person.  But there’s been plenty of the bad, too – I lose at least 10 hours a week just to my commutes, bills are stacking up, I feel wholly unprepared/unqualified for working in my field, stress/depression is snowballing (this is probably the biggest cause of everything), etc.  Typical things in life that I must learn to handle better.

The tumblr/fandom stress hasn’t helped.  I see blogs, people I used to talk to become totally inactive or disappear completely.  Some blogs I’ve seen get deleted without warning, thanks to tumblr itself. Fanfics and fan art have been disappearing for some time now and it all just breaks my heart.  Not just losing the conversations I’ve had with these amazing people, but all the memories and all the contributions to the fandoms.  I believe we put a part of ourselves in everything we create, so when anything we make is lost, it can cut us – and the people we have touched through our art – deeper than we might expect it to. 

Plus, for the last few months, with everything in my real life going on, fandom has felt a lot like a chore.  I can’t remember if I’ve said this before or not, but that’s what it felt like.  I hate that that’s what it felt like, but it’s the truth.  And unfortunately, it gets relegated to the bottom of the chore pile – least importance.  And when something feels like a chore, you don’t want to do it. 

I’m used to stress as a student.  Grad school just intensified that a lot.  However, I’m not used to the stress of being an instructor. The catch to my getting into grad school was that I had to do it through an assistant-ship.  So, its not just concern for my grades and my well-being, but for all the students I teach as well.  Because if I as a student miss a class, all I have to worry about is making up the work later on.  If I as a teacher miss a class, the students fall behind in their work and I am in trouble (if I couldn’t find a substitute in time).  To me, it’s been more stressful than a standard job – I have to force myself to make it to school for the sake of the students.  (Somehow I’ve not missed a day yet.)  Don’t get me wrong, I want to be there, too, but it just feels as though all the stress from this year (past several years, probably, if I’m being honest) just continues to grow and grow and I’m afraid it’s going to burst at the worst possible moment. 

And my advisor and other students keep encouraging me, praising me, telling me how great I’m doing.  (Especially in comparison to the person who preceded me, who apparently set the bar very, very low.)  And this makes me feel as if I’m just going to fail even more.  I feel as if they’re all building me up into something I’m not and when I crumble, they’re going to realize they picked the wrong guy for the job. 

At the same time, that stress makes me more motivated to succeed.  I need to work through it, to understand it, in order to do better.  I’m sure many of you know what this is like personally. It sucks.  But its necessary to move forward in life.  Because it will always be a part of us and we need to learn how to deal with it. 

So, I’m done with making excuses and apologies. I think you are all more understanding of my situation than I am.  Life happens and its unavoidable.  From what some of you have told me, you have lives far more stressful than mine and yet you manage to not only remain involved in fandom, you thrive in it.  I wish I could as well. 

I’m not promising I’ll be on here more consistently.  But I’m going to make a hell of a lot stronger effort to try.  I’m planning to at least check in once a week – something I’m sure I’ve promised before.

I don’t really know if any of this is making sense.  It’s ~1:30 AM here in little rural Ohio and my brain is fried from teaching, studying, and Season 3 of The Dragon Prince.  So I’m also running on the absolute hype that came from TDP.  I guess I’m just trying to channel all my energy into semi-coherent thoughts to explain things about life that seem somewhat revelatory to my sleep deprived mind but are really things we all know already. 

Speaking of Dragon Prince, I’ll probably be posting major spoilery stuff from Season 3 for like the next several weeks to forever.  Because reasons.  It was amazing.

The more I put things off, the more it stresses me out.  It’s that simple.  All the things weighing over my head just continue to grow because I keep putting them off.  And the only way I’m going to change it is if I can face the problems head on.  I have to relearn the mindset I lost 7-8 years ago when I could always remain on top of my work and my hobbies. 

So, I think I’m going to go work on a message for some people in the Dragon Prince fandom and then maybe use the energy I have left to get working on a story I’ve had for some time.  And then we’ll see where that takes me. 

Since I’ll inevitably crash within the next hour or so, my plan for when I wake up is to get my grading done (bleh) and then focus on finally taking care of the submissions from Kataang Week when it ended like 3 months ago.  And answer asks/messages sometime this weekend.  Preferably tomorrow, er, later today.  I don’t want to take on too much at once, but at the same time, I need to take care of things or the weight of it all will just continue to grow. 

Thank you, if you’ve taken the time to read this. I hope to talk to you all soon. You are all wonderful friends and followers that I am eternally grateful to have in my life and I love you all for putting up with my shenanigans.

- Dan

[singingwordwright]

It's been so long since your last thread/analysis about #SaveShadowhunters. I see you continue to rts the hashtag, but what do you think? Now that the show is over, do you think it can get saved?

I’ve been looking at this ask for 24 hours trying to figure out how to answer, and I’m still not sure. Because I don’t want to take away anyone’s hope, but at the same time I don’t want to offer false hope.

This is long, so I’ll put it behind a cut. 

I stepped back from actively promoting #SaveShadowhunters and indulging in “cancellation meta” toward the end of last year for myriad personal reasons. More than one person very dear to me had multiple health crises, I was nursing a dying cat including hand-feeding for two months, the holidays were looming, I needed to go help my sister while she had surgery for her brain tumor, my self-absorbed, alcoholic mother finally pushed me to the point of writing her out of my life, finances were a big problem, all of this was contributing to my depression getting worse, and then to top it all off, The Toy Story Incident happened.

That was the final straw for me. I’ve said before that I’m not good at knowing when to give up on something. I was angry about the cancellation, but I was also making a concerted effort to NOT be angry and to accept the 25 Days of Teasers offerings graciously and with a positive attitude and to welcome the coming half season with joy, whatever the outcome for the show. Then that happened and the fact that @freeform was actively deriding and mocking our efforts filled me with such rage that I had to walk away from the whole thing. Because that sort of anger isn’t good for me and I just had too much else already weighing me down. I needed to keep Shadowhunters as a bright spot in my life, and the frustration of trying to save the show was preventing me from taking pleasure in the show.

I also, since that horrid letter from Constantin was released in August, have been firmly of the opinion that we’d had as much impact as we were going to be able to have, and that any decisions that had been made or would be made regarding the fate of the show were no longer within our sphere of influence. It would happen regardless of what we did or didn’t do. I stand by that. While it doesn’t hurt to gently remind people we’re still here from time to time, the messages we needed to send had already been sent.

All that said, your question is, do I think the show can be saved. To which my answer is a qualified “no.”

No, because I absolutely do not believe we’ll get a season four. If the show continues, I believe it will happen in the form of a spin-off (and not a TID spin-off, which I don’t really think of as a spin-off, anyway. That’s another animal entirely.)

Why? For myriad reasons, many of which arise from information that was not available to us early in the cancellation timeline.

Early on, we had a suspicion that the burgeoning Netflix/Disney pissing match had played some role in our cancellation, but the absolute cancellation carnage of all the Marvel shows on Netflix has cemented that tensions between Disney and Netflix are a much bigger factor than we knew.

We’ve also gotten a better picture now into Netflix’s decision-making process, particularly with the ODaaT cancellation. @bonibaru linked a Deadline Hollywood article on Twitter at one point that basically laid it all out. The bottom line is that for Netflix, with series that are not owned and produced by Netflix, there is little to no profitability for shows beyond their third season unless they’re tremendously, HUGELY popular. Like, juggernaut-type popularity. They don’t bring in enough new subscribers (and presumably, not enough subscribers decamp upon cancellation of those shows to have an adverse impact that Netflix would like to avoid.)

So, Netflix is NOT going to be our savior. It won’t happen, and people just need to stop going there. But Constantin has been very clear that they need an international distribution partner for this show, and since Netflix (and maybe Amazon Prime?) are the only international players on the board right now, well…

The other complication that became clear in the Marvel and ODaaT cancellations is this clause Netflix apparently has on all the shows that it doesn’t produce in-house, which is that that show (and characters from that show) cannot appear on a competing service for at least two years following the cancellation. This is why CBS AllAccess wasn’t allowed to pick up ODaaT, and why everyone is saying the soonest we might see the Marvel shows on Disney+ (assuming we do) is 2020/2021. While we don’t have any confirmation that Shadowhunters is subject to this clause, but we have no reason to believe it ISN’T subject to it, because it apparently is standard on all shows that Netflix distributes but doesn’t own.

So, if Shadowhunters were to continue, whether with Season 4 or a spin-off, the soonest it would happen is next year or the year after. Which is probably for the best because, again, it won’t be on Netflix. Freeform wasn’t just a distributor for this show, it was a production partner. Yes, Constantin has the adaptation rights and could start another, entirely new series based on the source material tomorrow. But THIS particular adaptation of the source material (and any derivative properties thereof) is partially Disney property and Netflix isn’t going to touch it. So any international distribution is going to be on either Disney+ or Hulu when they go international, which likely won’t be for another year or more.

So, assuming we could see the show again next year or the year after, why do I believe it will be a spin-off and not season 4?

In part, because of where the show left off. Things are wrapped up. Yes, there is room for continuation, there are places they could pick up the story from where they left it, but I think we would all feel like they were walking back the HEA so many characters got if they did that. There is just more storytelling potential if you introduce a show that has at least some new characters, maybe a few old ones, and then just takes off in another direction. That was sort of the point of pushing the big red reset button on Clary’s story altogether.

Also, Todd and Darren at this point are being very clear that they don’t see the show getting picked up, especially with all the sets dismantled and the props sold, and that maybe, MAYBE there might be a chance for reunion movies at some point, but this is pretty much it for Shadowhunters. I mean, even if I hadn’t stepped back from #SaveShadowhunters, it’s pretty hard to maintain denial in the face of what they were saying.

And then there’s Malec. My impression from Matt and Harry’s (TVGuide? Cosmo? I don’t remember) interview last week is that Matt and Harry are not writing off the possibility of returning in some capacity if the opportunity arose, but they’re not putting things on hold waiting for it to happen. They’re moving on. Harry made a very clear and unambiguous “goodbye, Magnus” tweet thread the day after the finale. And Harry specifically called out life changes like having a baby affecting things like being willing to work 3000 miles away from his family for more than half the year. I honestly don’t see anyone being willing to pick up this show for more seasons without Malec being a central part of it, because where Malec goes, there goes the audience.

So, a spin-off makes a lot more sense. It offers the chance of bringing in a new audience who maybe didn’t watch the original show, or watched part of the first season and was turned off by the low production values. It offers the chance to cycle out the part of the cast who doesn’t want to or isn’t able to return and cycle in new characters with new stories. It resets the clock on things like pay grades for actors who usually get raises after second and/or third seasons and enables the producers to bring in new, unknown talent who would be paid less. It enables a chance to relocate the production if necessary without recreating all the old sets in a new place. It also resets the clock on the “3 season profitability” guideline Netflix adheres to, which we could assume would also apply to other streaming services.

So why am I not talking about TID? Because like I said, that’s a whole different animal. TID will bring in dedicated book fans, but the casual, non-book-based audience who tuned in for modern-day urban fantasy with a strong presence of LGBTQ+ characters won’t necessarily tune in for Victorian gothic/steampunk-tinged fantasy with the only LGBTQ+ character in an abusive, het relationship. The Shadowhunters audience who came in because of the show and not the books will want a spin-off that is more of the same.

So, yeah. I’m not writing off the possibility of a continuation in some form. I just don’t think we can affect the outcome at this point, and what is going to happen will happen.

[tomasorban]

THE ZODIAC: CAPRICORN THE GOAT

Date of Rulership: 21st December-19th January; Polarity: Negative, female; Quality: Cardinal; Ruling planet: Saturn; Element: Earth; Body part: Knees, Joints, Bones; Colour: Black, dark grey, and brown; Gemstone: Turquoise, Amethyst; Metal: Lead.

Following on from Sagittarius, Capricorn is a sign that is immensely focused on how developments made in various disciplines like science, economy, law, and psychology can be used to improve living standards, raise collective consciousness, and foster a powerful society that runs as quickly and efficiently as a Japanese bullet train or a Swiss Rado watch. The Goat possesses the memory of a Tibetan monk, or rather an Indian elephant and its intuition extends far, far back before the conscious will crawled its way out of the primordial sludge. Interestingly, everything about this primitive state of chaos unsettles and scares the Goat. In fact lack of structure and organization, whether on a personal level or a collective level, induces psychological complexes within the Capricornian psyche that may drive it over the edge. In light of this, one can begin to understand this star sign’s compulsion and obsession with developing systems that tabulate and organise information into coherent hierarchies, raising and enforcing social standards and laws, and encouraging individuals to turn their passions and interests into full-time careers. According to the Goat, compartmentalization is a must; how will contemporary society function effectively, grow, and prosper without specialists to put forth broad-based models and inspired leaders to assess their levels of practicality and decide whether or not they should be implemented. Capricorns are innately good at taking on the comprehensive responsibilities of such collective ventures for they are naturally born leaders and committed ones at that.    

People born under the stars of this constellation are usually of an intellectual adroitness beyond their actual years. A personalized form of the Capricornian formative energy might be a three year to four year-old toddler with a very high IQ. Have you ever watched one in action in a kindergarten playground? These little mischievous angels are masters of manipulation. They loiter about sizing other kids up, figuring out what makes them tick, and subsequently flicking on the mental switches that will elicit complete acceptance, veneration, respect, and affinity on their part. Moreover, they also love the power that comes with positions of elevated status and authority and will always pick roles where they are able to order everyone around and be the centre of attention. The wisdom and insight pervading these little beings carry is extraordinary; they learn and identify what behaviours are encouraged and rewarded by parents, teachers, and other adults and will cunningly adopt them for the sake of obtaining what they want. Mature Capricorns very much like mischievous children with very high IQs. They are creatures of atypical restraint and a calculated, cautious temperament that can use their charm, wit and infective cheerfulness to ascend the wrungs of the social ladder and miraculously leave the people they mingled with to get there feeling cherished and esteemed. This talent serves them especially well in professional endeavours whereby expertise, skill level, and personality provide the requisite ammunition in catapulting an employee to the top of the pecking order. The Goat wants to please and to be pleased; a mutually satisfying situation it hopes will assist in its plans to achieve widescale success.    

If we were to attach a Jungian archetype to this star sign it would definitely be The Perfectionist. Mediocrity, poor performance, procrastination, and indolence are non-existent in the Capricornian language and dictionary. The Goat expects much of others and even more of itself, a characteristic which sometimes proves beneficial and sometimes detrimental. It gravitates towards and gels well with those who are equally ambitious, driven, conscientious, and tunnel-visioned but can intimidate meeker and more submissive character types that lack focus, aspirations, and long-term goals. Generating a vision that will contribute something valuable to the society in which it lives and slowly lighting the hermetic fires that will bring it to fruition is big on its lifelong list of things-to-do. Lamentably, a motivated Capricorn can become so fixated on achieving success in all areas of his or her life–finance, love, and professional career–that he or she becomes merciless, indifferent, and as unyielding as a piece of sandalwood trapped between two giant boulders. Unlike a great many that capitulate to the ideals of political correctness, Capricorn is not afraid to employ disciplinary action against inferiors that persistently transgress.

Being a cardinal sign Capricorn is no stranger to activity, fast-paced rhythms, and spirited involvement.  The Goat prefers to circumnavigate the world over and over and over until its limbs drop off rather than remain motionless and caged up in some suburban neighbourhood. It likes to be in constant motion physically, mentally, and intellectually; it wants to be creative and innovative in adding to its chosen field of inquiry but at the same time it yearns for recognition, honour and vindication as validation of these valuable contributions. Just as the sure-footed mountain goat can persevere in traversing precipitous terrain that other animals wouldn’t go anywhere near for fear of plunging to their deaths, so too does the Capricorn soul exude inner strength and resilience in the face of adversity. Unlike some of the other members of the zodiac which give up prematurely or won’t even try for fear of failure, Capricorn will keep chipping away at a foot of a megalithic problem until so much of it is underrun that it collapses in on itself. Of course there are times when the Goat’s unrelenting efforts don’t pay off and this can create psychological torture that leads to bitterness, depression, neurosis, and even psychosis if the condition remains unaddressed. An afflicted Goat can become so riddled by insecurities, self-doubts, and psychological hindrances that it will invert its own social nature and seek solace in escapist activities like daydreaming, reading romance fiction, playing computer games, and watching movies.

“What doesn’t hurt you will only make you stronger!” the resilient Capricorn shouts. “You must endure pain, suffering, and symbolic death during the course of your life in order to become the person you were meant to be. Life is all about improving the world in which we live and adding to it in a constructive manner. Hence there is no room for laziness, lawlessness, or immoralities. The world is our only home. What good would it be to us if it were an asymmetrical place of anarchy, confusion, and absurdity? Everybody needs to have a meaningful role in society that contributes to the harmonious functioning of the whole. Look at bees, for instance. Their society is a sort of autonomous monarchy comprised of drones, female workers, and the queen herself. All these little beings are intensely aware of their position and function in the hierarchy and adhere to it like the universe adheres to the laws of physics. They are all as assiduous as each other and we would do well to borrow and implement the same approach. Success in life comes through industry, focus, and hard yakka (hard work) folks; nothing more, nothing less.

Some people say that I resemble the winter solstice in that I’m sometimes cold and chilly, reserved, and rather impersonal in my dealings with others. This is not my true self, but rather an iron armour or shell which the contingencies of life have forced upon me. I’m a realist so I’d be the first to admit that the world can be a cruel and nasty place. Even though most wouldn’t admit to such, self-interest happens to be a primary urge amongst human beings and their tireless search for validation usually entails a confrontation with the less flattering attributes of the collective temperament. Hence it’s important to put up psychic defences that will guard your soft, squishy, and sensitive interior at all times. The human soul, my friends, is an abyss of human sentiments, and mine is no different. I will sing, dance, cry, laugh, and share intimate details of my life with individuals who manage to gain my love and complete trust, namely those that are going places and doing exciting things with themselves.  As you know, I’m a sucker for security, attention, and status and the best way to get it is to be around those VIPs best able to open doors and facilitate it. I’m not an elitist in any way, but relationships built on synthetically constructed dependencies are an outgrowth of the Western culture in which we are born and raised. We need to work with that rather than against it for the sake of acquiring what we want!”

Capricorn the Goat is connected to two symbols that link the constellation with the reascention of the sun from its seasonal slumber. The first of these is a terrestrial goat or goat-fish crossbreed that has its iconographical origins in the ancient civilization of Mesopotamia. This is depicted morphologically as a sea monster; sometimes as a hybrid goat-fish with the four limbs of a goat and a fish tail and at other times as a sea goat with the posterior of a serpent. Most early cultures perceived that their collective histories were woven into the heavenly constellations and the Sumerians were no different.  Foremost of the symbols belonging to the Sumerian god Enki were a goat and a fish, both of which had amalgamated into the astrological totem we recognise today by the second millennium bce. Originally, Capricorn probably descried an early matriarchal situation of the Middle East in which the earliest monolithic structures of Babylon rose vertically out of a semi-arid breadth of shallow lagoons, reed banks, mud flats, and marshes. The horns of the goat were celestial markers for Mesopotamia’s two principle cities, Babylon and Nineveh; the first was built along the river Euphrates and the second along the Tigris, respectively.

Constructed during the Ptolemaic Period (323-30bce) of Egypt’s illustrious history, the circular and rectangular zodiacs in the Temple of Hathor at Denderah bequeath to us the ancient zodiacal pictograms for the twelve signs. A fleeting glace will show that the vast majority of these have remained largely unchanged. With respect to the Capricorn constellation, the zodiacal band on the circular Denderah zodiac shows the figure of a goat with two legs adjoined to the rear end and tail of a fish. Though the signs and figures of the sky represented on these chronometers express a markedly Chaldean and Hellenistic influence, we can be sure that the autochthonous Egyptians explicitly understood the celestial zone and functional image of the sign as a marker of astronomical rebirth and solar reascent because demotic representations show an ankh, the symbol of life, and an aquatic tadpole with its hindquarters on solid ground (the inverse of the sea-goat image). Hence the Egyptians may have been aware of the twelvefold division of the zodiacal band way before Babylonian cosmogony merged with that of their own under a Hellenistic patina.

The Greeks themselves, who borrowed leisurely from Chaldean astrology, forged an association with their god Pan and with Zeus’s foster mother Amalthea. According to a cycle of Hellenistic myths that chronicle the Titanomachy, a ten-year war between the fearsome Titans and the renowned Olympians, the horned goat-god Pan fought the monster Typhon. In order to evade detection and escape unscathed, he dove into the tepid waters of the Nile. The section of the river into which Pan jumped encompassed magical properties and instigated a physiological transformation upon anything it came into contact with. Thus the parts that were submerged in water, namely his lower body and legs, morphed into a fish whilst his head and upper torso remained unchanged. On the other hand Amalthea was the she-goat that suckled the infant Zeus in a grotto of Mount Aigaion on the Mediterranean island of Crete. In order to save him from being cannibalised by his own father Cronus, Amalthea gathered the Kouretes, the armed and crested dancers of the earth, and prompted them to create an aural bedlam as to mask the cries of the infant.

The second symbol, an astrological shorthand used by astrologers in the casting of horoscopes, is a squiggle comprised of curves, a loop, and sometimes a straight line that could be interpreted as the goat’s horns. Looking at the variant forms of the Capricorn sigil, it is easy to see how the zodiacal imagery was appropriated to create a much simpler and rudimentary illustration recalling the Capricorn’s dualistic nature and primary ambition. With half of its being in the watery chaos of other worlds and dimensions and the other half trotting on three-dimensional and material notions of solid ground, Capricorn wishes to find a balance between the ethereal and material and the sigil no doubt demonstrates this. There are many sayings associated with Capricorn, the best known being that time itself would end when its cluster of stars huddled above the horizon. This sentiment probably has its origins in the fact that the sun transits this section of the zodiacal band at a time when the formative forces of Mother Nature are at the weakest, as well as in the perception that Saturn, the deity intimately connected with cosmic law and the mediation of time, was exalted in this sign.

In the northern hemisphere the constellation of Capricorn appears in the night sky at the time when the solar orb has descended to the nethermost regions of its celestial journey, also known as the winter solstice. Many cultures of the world such as those of the Far East have interpreted this time as the astronomical resurrection of the annual cycle, and therefore a marker for the New Year. This was usually a just and prosperous period which might be equated with a Golden Age when the earth gave back to its mortal children abundance by sending down the rains and offering up a good harvest. It’s probably no surprise that the ruler of this sign, Saturn or the Greek Cronus, holds a sheaf of corn in one hand and a sickle in the other. Together these symbols denote an earned condition of fecundity, justice, and strength which so often comes when one is patient, diligent and perseveres in their chosen field of physical or intellectual inquiry. Taking into consideration the time of the year in which the sun traverses its domain, its earthly, cardinal nature along with its planetary ruler, it would not be unjustified to claim that the Capricorn psyche is honourable, self-disciplined, ambitious, and grounded with partial participation in mystical and speculative philosophy. Just as the astrological pictogram suggests, Capricorn is a very versatile sign once it has completely evolved and can switch from a worldly and ambitious extroversion to a spiritual and contemplative introversion in the manner that nymphs, the larvae of dragonflies, will desert their aquatic environment and transition to an avian mode of existence upon reaching adulthood. Consequently Capricorn’s formative energies reconcile the conscious and sure-footed will with its intuitive and psychic origins, the somnolent unconscious.

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The 55 Best Romantic Comedies of All Time

There is no “best” romantic comedy. Something is funny when someone laughs, or romantic when their heart swells, for better or for worse, and we have no right to say why one of these should top another. Your uncle, or cube-mate might say, “That’s stupid. Breakfast at Tiffany’s is obviously the best rom-com of all time.” And they may not be wrong. But maybe you have some reservations about the horrifyingly racist overtones in some of that movie’s scenes, even though you can’t help loving Audrey Hepburn. Maybe it’s the best for a certain time period. It’s tough. Comedy is subjective. So is romance.

It’s for this reason that we had such a good time making this list, at least initially. And lots of help. People keep a special place in their heart for romantic comedies. They talk about them differently than other movies, and they like to talk about them a lot. When the call went out, we heard from writers, editors, friends, moms, therapists, bartenders, people we hadn’t talked to since high school; the list goes on. The initial gathering of candidates was great fun; the subsequent reaping less so.

First, we had to limit the category. We love Dazed and Confused and it contains plenty of romance, and comedy, but we can’t be sure it’s a romantic comedy per se. Same with Secretary, McCabe & Mrs. Miller, My Girl, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, and about 500 other films. We don’t have enough space here to get into exactly what makes a romantic comedy, but let’s agree that the fact it is not a tragedy or a history is not enough. Somewhere we have to draw the line between the actual rom-coms and the coming of age movies, or mysteries, or adventures.

It’s for this reason we need to apologize in advance: A number of your favorite romantic comedies will not be on this list. Some of them didn’t fit the mold. Others—and this part got a little heated—we just couldn’t get on board with. Decisions had to be made. Hopefully, as a benefit to any disappointment of missing favorites, you’ll find some new ones you didn’t yet know you liked. After all, that’s the message from Pretty Woman, right? It’s important to keep an open mind. Otherwise, you could be making a big mistake, big, huge.

These are the best 55 rom-coms for every situation. We hope you love them.

The Best Rom-Com . . .

. . . to put your one-night stand in perspective:

Obvious Child (2014)

Photo: Everett Collection

The hardest you’ll ever laugh about abortion. That’s right, abortion. Talk about playing with fire, but this tender, deeply human comedy from director Gillian Robespierre finds entirely new ways into the story of losing Mr. Wrong, then Finding Mr. Right (by having our hero, a struggling comedian—played by the irrepressibly honest and infinitely endearing Jenny Slate—get drunk with Mr. Right, sleep with Mr. Right, get pregnant by Mr. Right, and then deal with the consequences). While riotously funny, Obvious Child set a new standard for intimacy, and Robespierre’s ribbed, tone-perfect writing and Slate’s raw but intelligent performance managed to shape a millennial mirror more reflective than anything Girls could put forward in six seasons. And give us the abortion comedy we didn’t know we needed.

. . . to deal with your workplace crush(es):

Broadcast News (1987)

Photo: Everett Collection

In the mid to late ’80s, there was nothing bigger than TV news and James L. Brooks, and Broadcast News was their meeting ground. After the slaphappy, very silly, and very male comedies of the late ’70s and early ’80s (think Animal House, Porky’s, and Revenge of the Nerds), and alongside the epic big-budget projects like Ghostbusters and the original Indiana Jones, James L. Brooks continued to redefine what rom-coms could be with this sprawling, occasionally dramatic but never self-serious, workplace comedy. We root for Albert Brooks’s Aaron Altman, the brainy, nervous, serious journalist who competes for the affections of neurotic producer Jane Craig (Holly Hunter) against the impossibly polished (and intellectually inferior) Tom Grunick (William Hurt). Brooks is the producer behind films like Bottle Rocket, Say Anything . . ., and Big, and TV series like Mary Tyler Moore, Taxi, and The Simpsons. No one knows how to get at our hearts—thoughtfully, gracefully, and with humor—like James L. Brooks. And this is him at his peak.

. . . to see past a gruff exterior:

Beauty and the Beast (1991)

©Buena Vista Pictures/Courtesy Everett Collection

“Tale as old as time . . .” It really is. Lonely, powerful dudes have been making off with damsels and then hiding them away since at least Greek mythology and probably before. Where Disney scored with its animated musical was in—pardon the pun—reanimating that classic story line in a way that was appealing to our eyes and ears, and that of our kids’, while maintaining some real danger in the narrative. It’s a triumph they repeated with Aladdin and The Lion King, but is especially notable with a romance—making the stakes high enough—and real, even when accompanied by singing teapot—that we root for these characters to end up together.

..for when you’re in the mood for first love, Wes Anderson-style.

Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

“I will meet you in the meadow,” writes bespectacled Sam (Jared Gilman) to serious Suzy (Kara Heyward) as they prepare to run away together. Wes Anderson’s Moonrise Kingdom, a whimsical tale of a romance betwixt a pair of wise-beyond-their-years 12-year-olds (beautifully art-directed and accessorized as always), is a tonic to the jaded palate. The children, with their barely sexual, pure-hearted affection for each other, could teach the misbehaving adults around them a thing or two about love. Who wouldn’t want to dance on the beach in their underwear to Françoise Hardy?

. . . to get you over getting over your ex:

The Philadelphia Story (1940)

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The credits of The Philadelphia Story read like something out of a dream: Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart vying for the love of Katharine Hepburn. It’s produced by Joseph L. Mankiewicz (writer of All About Eve and Cleopatra), and directed by George Cukor (who made 1954’s A Star Is Born, Justine, and My Fair Lady, and once told Marilyn Monroe, “That will be just fine, darling” when, about to film a skinny-dipping scene for Something’s Got To Give, she expressed her concern that she only knew how to dog-paddle). The Philadelphia Story relies on some dependable tropes—lovers who’ve fallen out; will-they-or-won’t-they-get-back-together—that have provided romantic tension from A Midsummer Night’s Dream to Crazy, Stupid, Love. But it’s Hepburn, aiming for a comeback following some serious bombs, and her witty repartee with her two love interests, Grant (her yacht-designing reformed bad boy of an ex-husband) and Stewart (a tabloid reporter), that is the movie’s bread and butter. The Main Line has never been so well represented.

. . . to take on a trip:

Lost in Translation (2003)

©Focus Films/Courtesy Everett Collection

There was never any doubt that Scarlett Johansson was going to be a mega star, but Sofia Coppola’s movie—about the lonely wife of a photographer who befriends an over-the-hill movie star (Bill Murray) while visiting Tokyo—is what made the world stand up and realize we were dealing with a serious actor. Like many of the films on this list, Lost in Translation takes place in a bourgeois universe, where the greatest thing at risk is someone’s heart, or future emotional happiness, but few films have so effectively crystalized the alienation of both travel and marriage, as well as the difficulties of postcollegiate, and then midlife, malaise. The older man and the younger woman don’t so much meet-cute as crash into each other, picking up each other’s pieces, redeeming each other’s lives as they navigate their surreal setting. It’s a match made in heaven—and without spoiling anything, their goodbye scene is among the best in Hollywood history.

. . . to reevaluate your checklist:

Clueless (1995)

©Paramount/Courtesy Everett Collection

The motherless daughter, caring for her father and looking for her prince, is a trope that goes back to the fairy tales, but how Alicia Silverstone (who plays our hero, Cher) and writer-director Amy Heckerling contemporized that narrative is what made what could have been a silly teen flick into an instant classic. They imported a Jane Austen story line of a meddling would-be matchmaker (Emma) into a bright pink, plastic, kids-are-adults world of Beverly Hills privilege populated by overly dramatic in-talk (“Whatever!”; “As if!”), lunatic high fashion, and decidedly un-relatable problems. At the same time, they maintained a storybook sensibility, and somehow kept our sympathies with the lovelorn Cher, whose insipidness is overshadowed by her charity, loyalty, and genuine goodwill. We believe she deserves love, and if she gets smart enough to stop looking for it in the “right” places, we want her to find it.

. . . to help you sort out what to do with the rest of your life:

The Graduate (1967)

Courtesy Everett Collection

This is the film on this list that is least certainly a rom-com; it caused a bit of a row, in fact. Some of us believe that this movie is ultimately too sad to give the viewer the warm fuzzies they depend on this genre for. Others argue that this line of thinking may confuse what’s depressing with what’s complicated. The story of the listless Benjamin Braddock, recent graduate of Williams College, who begins an affair with his father’s partner’s wife, and ends up falling for her daughter, did more to advance the critical value of comedy than perhaps any other film. (Not to mention the sexual viability of Williams grads.) There may be no more iconic line than Dustin Hoffman’s “Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce” but this movie is so much more than dialogue. (Note: Hoffman might have been playing 21 when he said this line, but the actor was 29; Anne Bancroft, the supposedly senior Mrs. Robinson, was all of 35.) Oft-quoted, ripped off, referenced, and discussed, Mike Nichols’s 1967 romp through Braddock’s postcollegiate uncertainties was released a few months after the Summer of Love, as the counterculture had peaked and what Hunter S. Thompson called the “high and beautiful wave” was getting ready to roll back. Young America was, and to some extent still is, Benjamin Braddock, which reveals the power of this film.

. . . to ask for assistance in the ol’ love department:

Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

©TriStar Pictures/Courtesy Everett Collection

Tom Hanks had been responsible for some ’80s hits—Splash and Big—but with Nora Ephron’s 1993 film about a widower whose son calls in to a radio show in an attempt to find him a new wife, he cemented himself as America’s favorite, well, person. Meg Ryan, his competition for that title (at least in the ’90s), plays an unhappily engaged Baltimore Sun reporter who writes Hanks’s character on a whim, asking him to meet her at the top of the Empire State Building (cue: An Affair to Remember) on Valentine’s Day. Utterly contrived, but utterly charming, this quick, silly, funny film is pabulum superfood for anyone who believes in second chances and true love.

. . . to leave the past behind you:

Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

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No one has stolen more hearts than Holly Golightly (Audrey Hepburn). Based on Truman Capote’s 1958 (harsher) novella of the same name, Breakfast at Tiffany’s—the story of a friendship struck between a rarely employed writer, Paul Varjak, and his neighbor, the naïvely beautiful Golightly, a freewheeling party girl whose lifestyle is paid for by the rich suitors who surround her—is a building block of our Hollywood romantic fantasies. It has the unclassifiable, magnetic object of affection, the reliable underdog who pursues her, expectations dashed, new friendships formed, true selves discovered, and an undeniably racist portrayal of an Asian landlord (by Mickey Rooney). Yes, it was a different era, but this detail can be difficult to ignore. That said, there are generations of viewers who consider this the greatest rom-com of all time.

. . . to get past that one little (or gigantic) flaw:

Moonstruck (1987)

©MGM/Courtesy Everett Collection

Cher plays a widowed bookkeeper in Brooklyn Heights confronting her parents’ infidelity (and fallibility) who—whoops!—falls for her fiancé’s younger brother (Nicolas Cage), who sports a prosthetic wooden hand after an accident with a bread slicer. Their first night together produces one of the great moments in the annals of rom-coms: When Cage tells Cher he loves her, she slaps him, saying “Snap out of it!” The film portrays a New York that doesn’t really exist anymore—for one thing, Brooklyn Heights is full of bankers now. It’s a window to another time, when marriage meant something different in male-dominated second-generation immigrant families and the challenges Cher’s character places against the social order are both important and revelatory (she won an Oscar for her efforts). You end up cheering not just for her romance, but also for an entire insurgency.

. . . to put the fuckboys behind you:

Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001)

Courtesy Everett Collection

Hollywood does this silly, shitty thing when they want to make it clear that a woman is “funny”: They make her clumsy. “Did you see that? She fell down in front of the boss she has a crush on while carrying many things! What a wit!” Thankfully, this film is actually funny, and so is Renée Zellweger, the titular Bridget Jones, who is 32 and a bit clumsy, and believes herself to be both a tad overweight and running short of romantic options. She confesses to her diary her feelings about the men in her life: her caddish colleague, Daniel (Hugh Grant), and her pill of a childhood friend, Mark Darcy (if that surname sounds familiar from one of your favorite literary comedies, that’s not by coincidence), who begin vying for her hesitant affections in their respectively charmless ways. Who will win—the nice guy or the jerk? The clumsy, funny, openhearted girl, of course! The story has a classic but important lesson to share: First impressions aren’t everything (and a fashion-related takeaway—never judge a man by his Christmas sweater).

. . . to make you even more neurotic about your love life:

Annie Hall (1977)

Courtesy Everett Collection

Like Breakfast at Tiffany’s, this is one of those movies that any list of top rom-coms would be remiss without. Yes, Alvy Singer’s (Woody Allen) story about how he met, and then lost, and then maybe regained, the love of his life, Annie Hall (Diane Keaton), is a wonderfully funny underdog-meets-girl story. But Allen’s uniquely observational humor also introduced some pioneering tropes and storytelling devices to the annals of rom-coms. The moment his grade school classmates stand up and give short peaks into their future (“I used to be a heroin addict; now I’m a methadone addict”). Or when Alvy interrupts a pedantic professor in a movie line—lecturing his date on Marshall McLuhan—by bringing the actual Marshall McLuhan out from behind a sign to set the man straight. These established entirely new directions for comedy. Moreover, Allen’s confessional style and the monologue with which he begins telling his warts-and-all fictional tale established a new paradigm for romantic storytelling, one that continues to influence rom-coms today (same for Diane Keaton’s outfits, but that’s a topic for another list).

. . . to get you pumped up:

Bring It On (2000)

©Universal/Courtesy Everett Collection

This is the pregame of romantic comedies. It’s a love story—between millennial hotties Kirsten Dunst and Jesse Bradford—packed into 98 minutes of jokes, rivalries, teen romance, and ridiculous cheers. (“Hate us ’cause we’re beautiful—well, we don’t like you either. We’re cheerleaders. We. Are. Cheerleaders!”) Some of us have defended this movie since it bowed (and then cartwheeled into an aerial walkover) in 2000 as a sharp appreciation of teen culture and teen cinema, both devoid of cynicism and long on wordplay. If you agree, welcome to the squad. If not, please keep in mind, “This is not a democracy; it’s a cheer-ocracy.”

. . . to take an break from yourself:

Roman Holiday (1953)

Courtesy Everett Collection

There’s a wonderful moment in Roman Holiday—the story of a European princess, played by Audrey Hepburn, who tires of her duties and runs away from her handlers while visiting Rome—when Joe (Gregory Peck), a reporter showing her the city, puts his arm in the Mouth of Truth (a statue that supposedly bites off the hand of liars) and removes it with his hand missing. The princess screams—Hepburn was apparently not acting here—and then recovers. It’s a metaphoric yawp for all that a romantic comedy should be. It’s being taken by surprise, taken by a stranger, the discovery a new side of oneself while falling for someone else. And that’s just one moment!

. . . to get him into rom-coms:

The Princess Bride (1987)

©20thCentFox/Courtesy Everett Collection

“Is this a kissing book?” Fred Savage’s little boy asks his grandfather, at his bedside to read him The Princess Bride when he’s home sick from school. Sure is, but it’s also a tale of swashbuckling, cruel kings, giants, swordsmen, poison, monsters, rebels, and knights—without a dull or unfunny moment. The kid, and the viewer, is quickly on board. More than anything, it’s a tale of true love, and fantastic as it might be, the adventure that leads the stable boy, Westley, back to his mistress, Buttercup (played by an impossibly beautiful Robin Wright), has left few hearts unmoved, and few faces without with smiles.

. . . to consider what you could have done differently:

Groundhog Day (1993)

©Columbia Pictures/Courtesy Everett Collection

One of the few rom-coms that comes with both a stamp of approval from your philosophy professor and the Tony reaches of Broadway. A cynical Pittsburgh weatherman (Bill Murray) is sent to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, with his producer, Rita (Andie MacDowell) on a dead-end assignment: to cover Groundhog Day. And boy, is it a dead end. Murray gets stuck there, not just in a snowstorm, mind you, but in a continuous loop where no matter what he does—including suicide—he wakes up in the same hotel, on the same day. At first, the weatherman is predictably bummed, but eventually he uses all the information he’s picked up living the same day over and over to better himself and the lives of those around him, eventually impressing Rita with his change of personality. Watching Bill Murray is fun, watching Bill Murray struggle is really fun, and watching Bill Murray caught in a space-time logjam, wrestling with moral philosophy while pursuing Andie MacDowell is the most fun.

. . . to find “our song”:

Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (2008)

Entertainment Pictures / Alamy Stock Photo

There’s something almost quaint about Norah’s search for her orgasm. The high schooler, played by Kat Dennings, is demeaned by her fellow classmates for having yet to experience the big O. It may sound tawdry, yet this plot point harkens back to a sweeter, John Hughes–era teen comedy (with a few switches flipped) wherein the search for a simple sex act was enough motivation for a number of scenes, if not an entire film. Norah’s lack of fulfillment isn’t what moves the action here; instead we’re on a search for her best friend and an oh-so-cool band’s secret show, with Nick’s (Michael Cera) hapless band, in his hapless car (a Yugo), through downtown New York City’s music scene. It’s a good-time flick, with cheerful performances and the kind of supporting cast (Ari Graynor as the beyond-drunk best friend) that make 90 minutes seem like a brisk 30. One of these is Alexis Dziena, who plays Nick’s very recent ex-girlfriend: She toyed with him and never appreciated the music mixes he made for her (spoiler: Norah loves them). Her “sexy” dance, in the glaring light of Nick’s high beams, to Hot Chocolate’s “You Sexy Thing” is one of the great falls from grace, and worth the price of admission.

. . . to inspire some big changes:

Pretty Woman (1990)

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Is there a rom-com list that doesn’t include this movie? What’s left to say about the 1990 tale of the beautiful, charming prostitute and the Wall Street corporate raider who meet and fall in love? Here’s director Garry Marshall’s (and Julia Roberts and Richard Gere’s) genius with this film: They make us forget about the various horrors of sex work and instead convince us the whole thing is kind of a lark. This film takes place in the late 1980s; a high-water mark in terms of the HIV crisis. Those things aren’t on our minds when we watch this movie (barring an early scene discussing methods of birth control); we think about stomping divots and Richard Gere conquering his fear of heights. So what? The Great Escape doesn’t exactly feature the horrors of World War II. That’s not the story they’re telling. Exactly our point. That’s how delightful this movie is.

. . . to make your arguments a little sweeter:

Bringing Up Baby (1938)

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Here’s how cute rom-coms were in the 1930s: The entire plot rests on a dog burying a bone of a brontosaurus. Katharine Hepburn, whom the movie was written for, plays a whimsical, adorable socialite who has become besotted with an otherwise engaged (literally and figuratively) paleontologist, played by Cary Grant, and is trying to keep him around so he won’t go marry some pill. Her strategy for doing this is to invite him to her house so that he can help her bring a baby leopard to the city. (Later, the dog and the leopard wrestle.) This is what we call a screwball comedy. It’s also priceless, with Hepburn peppering Grant in her sweet, Gatling gun style, and Grant, playing stiff, as if any man, never mind a mild-mannered paleontologist, could ever resist such wiles.

. . . to make it a girls night:

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

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Why is there no actual Shakespeare on this list? Because often a three-hour production: (1) is rarely funny, and (2) doesn’t really fit into a modern romantic comedy structure. Instead, we have movies that are actually fun to watch, like Shakespeare in Love, and this one, a teen-ready take on The Taming of the Shrew. There are some cute turns from youngsters Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Julia Stiles, and Larisa Oleynik, but ask most women and the performance that sticks out is Heath Ledger’s, whose thuggish Patrick Verona made many of us weak in the knees. Like Bring It On, and unlike most films, especially teen films, this one is female focused. They’re the moral centers. The heroes we cheer for. And they are active in as much as the narrative as they are subject to it (rare!).

. . . to better understand your parents:

Beginners (2011)

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“The History of Sadness” is a sketchbook drawn by Ewan McGregor’s Oliver, a graphic designer who is dealing with the recent coming out of his septuagenarian father, Hal (Christopher Plummer—who won an Oscar for his performance). Hal’s new openness about his own life inspires Oliver to reevaluate his own sadness and pursue a lovely French actress, Anna. It’s an incredibly touching, difficult story, told mostly in flashback, that involves Oliver coming to grips with his father’s past, his parents’ relationship, his own choices, and his art. But it’s ultimately a love story. A story about how our parents love us, and each other—despite the difficulties imposed society, time, and work—and how in turn, we learn to love, or not. We’re all beginners, in all our loves, and to think otherwise is foolhardy.

. . . to freeze some already cold feet:

The Wedding Singer (1998)

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Millennials might not realize from Adam Sandler’s recent descent into perennial schlock (some of it racist and sexist)—like The Ridiculous 6, Blended, Jack and Jill, and Grown Ups—that his movies were, at one point, very funny. Billy Madisonand Happy Gilmore are ’90s classics, and The Wedding Singer, his only rom-com from that era (there’s some debate over whether P. T. Anderson’s Punch-Drunk Love, released in 2002, qualifies as such), is a hilarious, touching ode to traditional values. Set in the ’80s, Sandler’s Robbie Hart is a wedding singer (and hopeless romantic) recently left at the altar who helps Drew Barrymore’s Julia plan her wedding to the wrong man. Sandler and Barrymore’s chemistry is off the charts, and this film—not Mad Love, sorry—established the actress as rom-com gold (see Never Been Kissed, 50 First Dates, and Fever Pitch). The romance is great, the jokes are great, the costumes are great, and not to ruin anything, but Billy Idol is pretty great too.

. . . to get you singing and dancing (and maybe moving to L.A.):

La La Land (2016)

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The highway scene. Ryan Gosling hunkered over the piano. Emma Stone embodying “irrepressible.” His dance on the boardwalk. Her spins. The way she pulls at her dress. The way he grins while he smolders. Their love. It’s a panacea for the reasons we go to the movies. At no point do we believe they won’t end up together, but we stay transfixed, in fact we tap along. For younger viewers—those of us who might not have drank down the moving magic of Singin’ in the Rain, West Side Story, or Gigi—Damien Chazelle’s La La Land forgives those lapses. It embraces their greatness as it embraces us in its giant, vibrant arms. We lean closer to the screen, not to learn but to feel for the whole experience of youth and performance: all that hope, drive, sweat, and love. Can’t forget love.

. . . to kick-start your career goals:

Singin’ in the Rain (1952)

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Here’s the thing: You’re not really allowed to like La La Land if you don’t like Singin’ in the Rain. Or, you at least have to watch it; it’s the original musical about making it in Hollywood. The story of a sellout leading man (Gene Kelly) who falls for the chorus girl (Debbie Reynolds) who might just change his life (and he hers), this 1950s romp through 1920s Hollywood really has it all: singing, dancing, and bedrock songs like “Make ’Em Laugh,” “Good Morning,” and of course, “Singin’ in the Rain.” It’s cute as hell and tap-happy to the extreme.

. . . to unplug from the office (and get your due):

How Stella Got Her Groove Back (1998)

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The movie that inspired 90 percent of vacation hookup jokes since 1998 (but seriously, we need to talk about Taye Diggs in a puka shell necklace; the man can make anything look good). Workaholic executive and single mom Stella (Angela Bassett) finds more than she bargains for when her best friend, played by Whoopi Goldberg, convinces her to take a much-deserved Caribbean vacation. Cheeky, subversive, and sexy as hell, this movie turned the tables on so many male-dominated rom-coms (courtesy of one very hot and heavy matchup between Bassett and Diggs, playing some 20 years her junior)—and passes the Bechdel test with flying colors. One of the very few rom-coms to do so.

. . . to get dressed up for:

Tootsie (1982)

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Michael Dorsey (Dustin Hoffman) is a New York actor who is such a perfectionist, no one wants to work with him. So he does what any rational man would do: He dresses as an entirely different person—an older woman who goes by then name of Tootsie—and lands a role on a soap opera where he becomes a sensation. Problems arise when he falls in love with his costar (Jessica Lange) and a fellow castmate, an older man, falls in love with him. It’s madcap and zany but also profoundly funny, with insights aplenty—it sends up television, sexism, and New York society—and performances that were Oscar-worthy (Lange’s in particular—of Tootsie’s 10 Oscar nominations, she’s the only one who walked away with a statue).

. . . to reevaluate the nice guy (and the bad boy):

Something Wild (1986)

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Before Johnathan Demme decided to win an Oscar and scare the pants off an entire generation with The Silence of the Lambs, he was an ’80s funnyman. And this is his best work. It’s the story of a mild-mannered exec (played by Jeff Daniels), whose sedentary life is turned upside down by the wildly adventurous, somewhat grifting Lulu (Melanie Griffith)—whose checkered past includes a roustabout, criminal ex-boyfriend played by Ray Liotta. The idea of a “crazy” girl coming in and turning a straight man’s existence topsy-turvy is repeated countless times in this genre, from Bringing Up Baby to The Girl Next Door. Demme’s alchemy here is to infuse the trope with unpredictability. The comedy keeps us on the edge of our seats by compounding the will-they-won’t-they question with sudden breaks into violence, threats, or chase. Rom-coms don’t get more exciting than this.

. . . to escape it all:

Midnight in Paris (2011)

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The love story here is as much between writer-flaneur Gil Pender and Paris as it is between Gil and any of the women in this film. While visiting the French capital with his uptight fiancée, Inez (a sublime Rachel McAdams), and her parents, each night Gil goes walking and finds himself in the City of Light of the 1920s, complete with Hemingway, Gertrude Stein, the Fitzgeralds, Man Ray, Josephine Baker, Cole Porter . . . and a beautiful woman named Adriana (Marion Cotillard). It’s a writer’s fantasy made real (Stein volunteers to read his novel), but it’s also Woody Allen at his most effective: taking the vicissitudes of relationships and turning them into a mirthful, if neurotic, journey. This one just happens to also navigate through another time and place as well. And a beautiful one, at that. There’s a reason this is Allen’s highest-grossing film of all time.

. . . to escape the friend zone:

When Harry Met Sally. . . (1989)

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If this list were a top 20 instead, this film would still be on it. Same with top 10—and five. It’s in the running for the best rom-com of all time because it is sassy, sultry, snappy, cinematic perfection, thanks to words from Nora Ephron and direction from Rob Reiner. It’s something of an epic of the genre, spanning over 10 years of the kind of friendship (between Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal’s characters) where no one can help but ask, “Why aren’t those two together?” Should friends ever sleep together? If they do, what happens next? This movie should be watched by every college student on the planet. Bonus: Watch this movie with a boyfriend, and pay attention to what happens to his face during Meg Ryan’s most famous scene, in which she illustrates just how easy it is for a woman to fake an orgasm.

. . . to unite with your crew:

Bridesmaids (2011)

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Who ever thought getting food poisoning in a wedding dress could be so funny? Bridesmaids is as much a buddy comedy (think Old School or Twins) as it is a rom-com, proving that female actors can be just as bawdy and into gross-out humor as their male counterparts in The Hangover. This is about the love between friends, yes, and the agony that comes with maturing at different paces, but what ultimately drives the film is the desire of Annie (Kristen Wiig, who also wrote the script, with Annie Mumolo) to catch up. This movie isn’t as much about what we have as about what we’re missing, and how a wedding can bring that to the fore. Along with nonstop laughs, we get a powerhouse performance from Wiig—even as Melissa McCarthy steals the show.

. . . to remind you that guys will try anything:

There’s Something About Mary (1998)

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Before we had a president who bragged openly about grabbing women “by the pussy”, this is what qualified as a gross-out film. Amid scenes of semen being used as hair gel and testicles jammed in zippers, the Farrelly Brothers managed to concoct an amiable story about a nerdy Ted (Ben Stiller) hiring a private detective to find Mary (Cameron Diaz), the object of his unrequited love in high school. Despite the over-the-top locker-room gags, the movie has virtually no sex, and manages to emerge as hilarious, sweet, and satisfying.

. . . to make up your mind, dammit:

Manhattan (1979)

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Elephant in the room: Yes, this is Woody Allen pursuing a high school student (a luminous Mariel Hemingway). It was also made in 1979, and that didn’t carry quite the same connotations as it does now. The year is important, because as the film’s title suggests, this movie is as much about New York as it is about the lovers who collide inside of it (Allen’s character, Isaac, begins the film dating the high schooler, but leaves her for his friend’s mistress, played by Diane Keaton). In the mid-to-late 1970s, New York was a bit of a cesspool: Crime was out of control, repeated requests for federal aid were denied, and the city was on the edge of bankruptcy. It’s in the wake of this tumult that Allen pens his black-and-white love note to his fair city. The film opens with a montage of New York’s skyline and street scenes, revealed to “Rhapsody in Blue,” and Allen’s voice-over as Isaac, writing about his romantic love for the city. That’s where he gets us with this film; Allen crystalizes the outsize feelings that can swell with romance, despite any and all evidence that should temper them. It’s a movie about indecision, bad choices, and falling for the wrong people, but it celebrates the impetus for all of these. We love the things we shouldn’t. That’s life. That’s Manhattan.

. . . to know if he’s worth the trouble:

Say Anything. . . (1989)

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If for no other reason, you need to see this movie so you’ll understand what it means when someone holds a ghetto blaster over his head outside the window of the woman he loves. Like most of the teen romance flicks on this list, Say Anything. . . doesn’t end at the Big Dance. This movie, from director Cameron Crowe (and produced by James L. Brooks) is far too sophisticated for such a middling finale. It’s too busy diving into the angsty, all-consuming, awkward challenge that is young love, as embodied by consummate underdog Lloyd Dobler and his attempts to woo the beautiful valedictorian Diane Court.

. . . to get him back:

Crazy, Stupid, Love. (2011)

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If The 40-Year-Old Virgin was evidence that Steve Carell could be a romantic lead, this was the proof. Alongside Julianne Moore, as the cheating wife he wants to win back, and with Ryan Gosling, who plays his cad coach, as well with a terrific performance from a teenage son who loves his babysitter, who in turn loves his nice-guy dad, Carell is well matched. Throw in Kevin Bacon as a romantic rival and Emma Stone as a law student just out of Gosling’s reach, and we’re ready to go. It’s a comedy that’s as much about accepting the facts of life—be they middle age, the people we can’t have, or the people we don’t want others involved with—as much as it is about a pursuit, or any one relationship. It’s about how love really is, sometimes, which can be romantic in its own right.

. . . to fall in love with literature:

Shakespeare in Love (1998)

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People forget about the competition Shakespeare faced, and we don’t mean the other plays. In the late 1500s, one could go to the theater, or one could go watch some people be executed or a bear be torn apart by dogs. That’s how entertaining Shakespeare’s work had to be! In 1998, this film competed with Saving Private Ryan, Elizabeth, and Life Is Beautiful for Best Picture and managed to come out with the Oscar. What drew the academy to the fast-paced mash-up of Romeo and Juliet with a very loosely interpreted history of William Shakespeare’s life was the film’s ability to capture exactly what Shakespeare did back in his day: the urgency of love and the power of its expression—its ability to consume us and change lives.

. . . to tell your real friends from the sham ones:

Muriel’s Wedding (1994)

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Muriel (Toni Collette), a daydreamer and the target of the bitchy girls she considers her friends, wants nothing more than to get out of her small town and away from her awful father, move to Sydney, and get married. When she makes off with her parents’ savings, reunites with a fellow outcast from her town, and is offered the chance to marry a gorgeous South African swimmer who needs a visa, she can make her dreams come true. As much of a coming-of-age story as a rom-com (Muriel may be in her 20s, but she has much growing up to do), this film does a brilliant job of cutting the legs out from underneath our expectations by giving us exactly what we’ve always wanted, and tying us up in the strings attached.

. . . to relive high school (or what you wish high school was like):

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)

Netflix’s most popular entry into the rom-com genre (based on the novel by Jenny Han) was for many an instant classic—not least for blessing the world with Peter Kavinsky (Noah Centineo), the Jake Ryan of the Internet era. Lana Condor stars as Lara Jean, a quiet high school kid who relieves her romantic pressures by writing never-to-be-mailed love letters to the objects of her affection—including her older sister’s ex-boyfriend. Until, of course, one night they get sent out. Hijinks—and a fake turned not-so-fake relationship—ensue.

. . . to remind you how much better it gets after high school:

American Pie (1999)

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A teen sex comedy with a heart of gold, this story of four high school friends determined to have sex before they graduate was the surprise hit of 1999. But underneath all the masturbating with pastry and accidentally ingested semen cocktails, there’s real sentiment to the adolescent boys trying to find their way with women, and vice versa. The reason we can safely call this a rom-com is that, while it doesn’t exactly pass the Bechdel test with flying colors, the objects of the guys’ affections are far from just objects. They have goals of their own we’re brought on board with. The girls aren’t just out for the boys, they’re out for themselves—as disappointingly rare in a rom-com as it is in a teen comedy, and the reason we love this one.

. . . to learn how far to take it:

Rushmore (1927)

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This is Wes Anderson’s most completely stylish movie, and perhaps his best, made before stylized fuckery got in the way of things like writing (like all his best work, this was cowritten with Owen Wilson). Max Fischer (Jason Schwartzman) is a scholarship student at a private school. His academics are dismal, but he’s game for any and all extracurriculars, especially the over-the-top plays he produces and directs. He gets into a contest for the affections of a widowed first grade teacher with local industrialist, and his newfound mentor, Herman Blume (Bill Murray). Several phenomenal executions come together in this film, including the ensemble cast, the just-on-this-side of believable production design, and an absolutely killer classic rock soundtrack. But what pushes it above the rest is the utter drive of both Max and Herman, as love and competition gains primacy over every aspect of their lives. They’re both willing to burn the village to save it, which is simultaneously hilarious to watch and cathartic to anyone who’s ever had a crush.

. . . to locate your other half:

Jerry Maguire (1996)

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Cameron Crowe has a couple of films on this list (Almost Famous was close, but ultimately more coming-of-age than comedy) with good reason: He understands people and how they tick. Despite its memorably demonstrative, over-the-top lines, like “You complete me,” and “Show me the money,” this is ultimately a movie about how people really fall in love. Sure, Renée Zellweger loves Tom Cruise from the beginning—it’s a movie after all, and he is Tom Cruise—but what Jerry Maguire gets to is what happens after that first kiss, after the honeymoon period, when we have to learn about the other person as a person, and not just see them and their adorable puppy (or in this case, an adorable son, played by Jonathan Lipnicki) as an escape or alternative from our own lives.

. . . for a dose of realism (and Paris!)

Two Days in Paris (2007)

For sheer hilarious, messy, complicated realism, Two Days in Paris takes the prize. The brilliant and surprising Julie Delpy writes, directs, and stars as Marion, a young Frenchwoman who has brought her American boyfriend Jack (Adam Goldberg) to her hometown en route from a trip to Venice. They struggle through misunderstandings, language barriers, cultural clashes, encounters with Marion’s many ex-boyfriends, and her unruly parents (played by Delpy’s real-life mother and father, actors Marie Pillet and Albert Delpy,) and barely come out the other side. The moral, as Marion paraphrases Jack: “It’s not easy being in a relationship, much less to truly know the other one and accept them as they are with all their flaws and baggage.” It may not be easy, but it’s highly entertaining to watch them try.

. . . to get you through the holidays:

Love Actually (2003)

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Is this? Not really. But that’s not why we go to the movies. Love Actually is, actually, a rather clichéd Christmas rom-com, but jeez, we love it anyway. How can we not, with this ensemble cast of British romance all-stars (Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson, Liam Neeson, Colin Firth, and Keira Knightley, among others)? The prime minister (Grant) falling for a junior staff member? A quiet suitor in love with the new bride (Knightley) of his best bud (Chiwetel Ejiofor), who is apparently one of three people of color in London? A cuckolded boyfriend (Firth) rebuilding his shattered life with the help of his shy housekeeper? Balderdash. All of it. But it’s irresistible. Come on, what are you, made of stone?

. . . to fall for his funny bone:

Top Five (2014)

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Think of it as Before Sunset meets Funny People, with New York taking the place of Paris. If that notion produces a little eye roll, get those peepers back down, and then on to the screen before you miss some laughs. Rosario Dawson plays a New York Times journalist tasked with interviewing a hugely famous comedian, played by Chris Rock, who is attempting to take his career in a new direction (courtesy of an ill-advised serious film about a Haitian revolutionary). Like Roman Holidaybefore it, this is a film rooted in our society’s placement of, and expectations for, certain figures (a celebrity and a princess, respectively). In both cases, the journalist finds the human being inside of their famous subject, falling for them while trying not to fall for their shtick, or what they represent. As the pair make their way through Manhattan—with visits from Jerry Seinfeld, radio hosts Opie and Anthony, Whoopi Goldberg, and a fantastic supporting job from the ageless Gabrielle Union, playing a reality TV starlet—we can’t help but get on board with their journey.

. . . to look past his neurotic, potentially mentally ill exterior:

As Good as It Gets (1997)

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There are few actors who can go toe-to-toe with Jack Nicholson. Director James L. Brooks found a suitable sparring partner with Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment and struck gold again nearly 15 years later with Helen Hunt. Hunt plays a waitress with a sick child for whom Nicholson—a mean, racist, homophobic, obsessive-compulsive writer and her regular customer in the restaurant where she waits tables—has some affection. Bring in Nicholson’s neighbor, a gay artist (played by Greg Kinnear) who has to lean on the Nicholson’s character for help (beginning with care for his adorable dog), add a road trip, and you’ve got yourself one of the most delightful, well-thought-out comedies of the ’90s. The movie takes it time, but it’s to our benefit—Brooks allows us to get to know each of these people, and them each other, intimately, which means when the jokes, and the romance, land, they land hard, and then stay around. (Plus, who among us could resist Nicholson growling, “You make me wanna be a better man”?)

. . . to confirm that, yeah, he’s probably cheating:

Shampoo (1975)

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There’s a lot going on in Shampoo—the story of an L.A. hairdresser (Warren Beatty) who is sleeping with, well, everyone (including Julie Christie, who plays a prime target of his affections)—which, at first glance, could just be another ’70s sex comedy. Keep in mind, it’s directed by Hal Ashby, the king of thoughtful, offbeat romances, and was both written by and featured, Warren Beatty, a major voice of the Hollywood Left in the 1970s. The film, released a year after Nixon’s downfall, takes place during on the eve of Nixon’s election in 1968, so there’s a good deal of interplay between the politics and the sexual politics that were in the air as the counterculture died, the pill became mainstream, and the country saw itself in a whole new, darker light. That said, Beatty’s portrayal of the harried, discursive, libidinous George is irresistible even without context, as is the performance given by a young Goldie Hawn, who illuminates every frame—and perfectly counteracts Beatty—with blonde California light, and a heart-melting, downy innocence.

. . . to get you on board with AI:

WALL-E (2008)

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There are more epic Disney romances (one of them is on this list), but none more thoughtful. What we love about this futuristic tale of a little trash compactor, WALL-E, who falls in love with his technological better, EVE, is the considered environmental, anti-consumerist message that suffuses the dystopian love story. With barely a word, only whirrs, between them, EVE and WALL-E convincingly fall in love. His efforts to save her, once the megacorporation Buy-n-Large (their maker) comes for her, is as authentic as Hawkeye’s return for Cora, or Jack’s sacrifice for Rose. Forget Finding Nemo, this is writer-director Andrew Stanton’s Pixar masterpiece.

. . . to justify your May-December romance:

Harold and Maude (1971)

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There’s a question that lingers throughout most of Harold and Maude—the story of a death-obsessed young man (he enjoys driving a hearse, attending funerals, and faking his suicide) who falls for a much, much older woman—are these two going to get it on? It sounds sophomoric, but it’s actually essential. Harold and Maude are separated by approximately 60 years; for the movie to hit home, for us to believe that love is truly about what we share, not what we look like or other aesthetic values, we have to believe a genuine attraction has formed. No one prodded existentialism (especially in films deemed “romantic”) like director Hal Ashby, and Harold and Maude is no exception. The darkly funny tale will leave you questioning just what is important to you in your own conception of love—and, moreover, in your life.

. . . to give comic books their due:

Chasing Amy (1997)

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A comic book artist (Ben Affleck) with an inseparable best friend (Jason Lee) falls for a beautiful gay girl (Joey Lauren Adams)—who then falls for him—only to discover he can’t handle it. Comic books? Lesbian conversion? Best buds? Sounds like a romantic comedy made by men, for men. And it is! But Kevin Smith also managed a somewhat nuanced exploration of friendship and art, as well as of contemporary romantic standards in his rejiggering of the love triangle. Simultaneously, at a time when every other joke on Friends involved gay panic, he was portraying three-dimensional concepts of lesbian identity. What could be identified as a typical male-driven fantasy could also be seen as a ’90s Torrents of Spring.

. . . to make you fall in love with your friends:

Reality Bites (1994)

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In what was then a cult hit and is now a piece of ’90s nostalgia catnip, a post–Edward Scissorhands (and post–Johnny Depp) Winona Ryder plays Lelaina, an aspiring documentarian assisting an obnoxious TV host in Houston. She and grungy, Generation X friends—played by Steve Zahn, Janeane Garofolo, and a simmering Ethan Hawke (who may be more than just a friend)—are just trying to figure out who they are, and what they want in life. In Ben Stiller’s feature directorial debut, he also plays a TV executive whose budding romance with Lelaina and interest in her work brings the real world crashing into their postcollegiate hipster existence. Aside from a nonstop ’90s fashion buffet that is Winona’s wardrobe (mom jeans, crop tops, baby doll dresses, cardigans, men’s shirts, blazers), there’s also love and heartbreak, sex, betrayal, Lisa Loeb, Dickies, pizza, and lines like “He’s so cheesy, I can’t watch him without crackers.” What else do we want, really?

. . . to dance your troubles away:

Grease (1978)

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The ’50s nostalgia of the 1970s culminated with this unreal musical about the return to high school for summer lovers Danny Zuko (John Travolta) and Sandy Olsson (Olivia Newton-John). It’s hard for current viewers to understand just how big John Travolta was at the time; the year this film bowed, 1978, the two top-selling albums were the soundtracks to Saturday Night Fever (another Travolta film) and this one. And that was in a year when the Rolling Stones released Some Girls and Bruce Springsteen dropped Darkness on the Edge of Town. In this irresistibly playful film, Travolta embodies the bursting sexuality of the newly emerged teen culture, but at the same time, he’s a tampered-down throwback—we buy him drag racing cars and singing with his gang, the T-Birds, whose rivals are the Scorpions, and making clumsy moves at the drive-in. Similarly, the Pink Ladies, a popular clique headed by Rizzo (Stockard Channing), deliver their wiseacre lines with a fair dose of irony. These skirts know what’s up, and that’s what makes us interested, and invested, in their outcomes. We’re locked in from the first frame: There may be better musicals, but none more fun.

. . . to get you through wedding season:

Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)

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For anyone who’s ever been encumbered by the beautiful, annoying, expensive ordeal that is a wedding, how can we not love a wedding movie whose first pages of dialogue are just the word Fuck? As much as we commiserate, this is ultimately Hugh Grant’s movie. And a little Andie MacDowell’s movie. But mostly Hugh Grant’s. It’s the film that introduced us to his stumbling, bumbling, yet confident Etonian charms and wit, which we’d witness again and again in Nine Months, Notting Hill, Music and Lyrics, About a Boy, and more). The story of Grant and his friends attending their friends’ weddings—and one funeral—perfectly captured the romance of nuptials as well as all the stress, commitment, and emotional . . . what do the British call it? . . . oh yes, bother that comes with that period in your life where your friends are tying the knot. The question this rom-com dares ask is this: In all this wedding madness, can you be the odd man out and still be happy?

. . . to find your prince:

Coming to America (1988)

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It’s unfair that Eddie Murphy only has one entry on this list. The guy ruled the ’80s and made some of the era’s great comedies—Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop, 48 Hrs.—but this is really the only one where the romance narrative rules supreme. In short: Murphy plays the prince of a fictional African nation who is unsure about his arranged marriage, and so heads to what he suspects will be greener pastures in search of his queen. So where better to start that Queens, New York? Essentially slumming it with his best friend (a terrific Arsenio Hall), Murphy’s character finds work at a McDonald’s-type restaurant where he falls in love with the owner’s daughter, a woman who just might fit the bill. It’s a super simple story that elicits big laughs in every scene, but it’s also a clever send-up of class and race that simultaneously owns itself as perhaps the ultimate Reaganite comedy: If you are rich and follow your heart, you can be even richer!

…remind you that life doesn’t always go as planned, but sometimes that’s okay.

Juno (2007)

Life’s not perfect, but it can be most endearing— that’s the takeaway, anyway, from Jason Reitman’s nuanced teen comedy, Juno. Ellen Page gives her breakout performance as the titular pregnant-by-accident teen who soldiers on through high school while preparing to give her baby up for adoption to a painfully needy rich couple (or “baby-starved wingnuts,” as her father calls them.) Juno’s honesty and her backward love story with the adorably nerdy Paulie (Micheal Cera) reminds us of the true meaning of being cool, and that heartache can resolve itself into a tender, resilient future.

. . . to get your boss’s job:

Working Girl (1988)

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First, consider the cast: Melanie Griffith, Harrison Ford—who owned the ’80s in Hollywood and made this his only rom-com—Sigourney Weaver, Joan Cusack, Oliver Platt, Alec Baldwin (at his douchiest), and Kevin Spacey. Next, look at the director: Mike Nichols—if there is a pantheon for romantic films, he probably has Zeus’s seat. Finally, the shoulder pads; my god, the shoulder pads. Were doorways made wider in the 1980s? Adventures in Babysitting aside, this movie is really as feminist as mainstream movies got in the ’80s. Melanie Griffith plays Tess McGill, a wily business school graduate working as a secretary at an investment bank with such memorable one-liners as “I have a head for business and a bod for sin.” When her boss (Weaver) steals her idea for a merger and then ends up out of commission (temporarily bedridden after a ski accident), Tess rises to the occasion: scheming with the support of her friends and maybe-lover (Ford), conniving, flirting, and using some good old-fashioned elbow grease to outwit her superiors, beat the boys, and claim the position she’s rightfully earned. Griffith is miraculous (one critic compared her to Marilyn Monroe; younger viewers might see a mold for Alicia Silverstone’s Cher), taking a role that could have just been “cute” and elevating it to nuanced and beguiling. That’s what this film is—so much so, we’ll forgive you if, after watching it, you suddenly have a soft spot for shoulder pads.

(C)