#or make anyone feel like I’m making passive aggressive statements

[goodlorddreamer]

maybe I just want someone to give me whimsy and attention to detail.

[seaglass-and-string]

pre-jegulus jegulus | muggle au | 717 words

james was pointing at something. a quince tree growing just outside the classroom window, slightly forlorn looking next to the concrete car park, although not entirely out of place. regulus turned his attention away from the conversation around him to look out the window, bumping against james’ shoulder in the attempt to turn around in the small space they had squished themselves into, sprawled in between two rows of desks.

in the background he could feel pandora and marlene starting to butt heads over some trivial matter, and really he should try to calm them down, but right now his only priority was the small point of connection between his shoulder and james’ arm as they attempted to stand side by side. they could sort it out themselves.

but still the voices were ever raising in volume, getting less passive and more aggressive, and he began to tense up. he wasn’t in the mood to hear the conflict, but could probably keep a straight face if he tried. until he felt the lightest tug on his shirt sleeve.

looking up, he found himself staring into the warm brown gaze which could only belong to james, perfectly framed by the gold which mirrored the highlights found creating galaxies in those eyes. and suddenly all regulus could think was how that must be how james saw the world. seeing it through the stars, everything at its most beautiful, everything with a silver lining.

another tug on his sleeve and he was brought back down to earth, left only with the hope of one day being more than a guest amongst the solar system that orbited james potter, the centre of it all, the sun.

they snuck out of the classroom, giggling as conversation erupted now that they were free from the situation starting to unfold behind them. it would resolve itself quickly, no need to get involved. 

‘we should conduct an experiment,’ declared james as a look of mischief crossed his smile, ‘i need to see what that brain of yours can really do.’

regulus’ mind raced. he wanted to do something with him? and only him? something he cared about? but what? it had to be something james would like.

‘let’s investigate how absorbent sand is of gladiator blood.’ what. the. fuck. what on earth made him say that? that wasn’t what james meant! that wasn’t what he wanted to hear, or what anyone wanted to hear for that matter. somewhere in his mind ritualistic chanting struck up so that all he could hear was ‘we fucked up we fucked up we fucked up we fucked u-‘

‘i’m not sure we could get a hold of gladiator blood, would pigs' blood do?’ 

the chanting stopped.

‘what?’ regulus stopped. and they were both laughing. thank the lord.

they were heading to the quince tree, of course they were, but still he smiled to himself at the choice. because only james would take him to just stand and look up at a tree, just like he knew regulus would love to.

‘you know how a quince fell on darwin’s head when he discovered gravity-‘ began james, without taking his eyes off the tree,

‘what?’ regulus cut him off

‘you say ‘what’ a lot’

‘you confuse me a lot, and anyway, that’s the biggest problem here. not anything else about your statement.’

‘fuck.’

‘indeed.’

‘i- fuck. no one needs to hear i said that. i have a reputation to uphold. i was gonna say something profound and interesting too.’

regulus just stared at him. how is this the one that made his heart join an amateur acrobatics group. and so they laughed, harder and louder than normal because they could. for the first time they felt so purely comfortable, that they could just laugh. 

that’s why he’s the one that made his heart join an amateur acrobatics group.

and as they began to make their way back, james wheezed out a final plea for regulus not to mention it. not that anything much had even happened, but in those moments where james was leaning on him, unable to keep himself up from laughter, glasses dangerously close to falling off as his head rolled forward, he couldn’t help but agree. and he kept that promise. no matter what happened, he always did. 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

So I already know I’m the asshole here, I’m mostly wondering if it’s a YTA, JAH, or ESH situation. Or potentially I’m just treating this like a catholic confessional.

I (31, F) was on a 3 hour flight with my older sister; we had gotten aisle seats across from each other and 2 girls (I’m bad at ages, but both around 15, F?) sat next to her.

In the middle of the flight my sister tapped me to ask a question and as we were talking, I heard loud music/TikTok-esque noises. I asked my sister if she heard it and she replied that it was the kids next to her watching videos without headphones. They overheard us and one asked “Oh, sorry – is that loud?” to which my sister told them “Yeah, it’s really loud”.

At this point I put my earbuds back in, and my sister (thankfully) had noise cancelling headphones to put on. For important background, I am prone to headaches and migraines and am also neurodivergent and can get over stimulated, especially when I'm not anticipating a situation.

Flash forward to when we land – we pull up to the gate but another plane is still there so we have to wait. Normally on planes I’d keep my headphones in until it seems like people are moving, but I’d never sat this close to the front of the plane before and know I hate it when people waste time fiddling with their stuff when we’re all trying to leave. So, at this point I had already packed my thing away, as I didn’t want to hold anyone up.

However, when they announced we were landing someone near me applied A LOT body spray that was overwhelming to the point I had to cover my noise. Smells are a huge trigger for me with migraines, so I was staring to become nauseous with a headache, though thankfully with most of my usual auras. And on top of this while we were waiting, I was once again hearing music/TikTok noises, which was making me feel even worse. Normally I'm fine on planes and fly multiple times a year, but the unexpected, overwhelming, smells and noises combined to send me to a tipping point. Usually if I get overstimulated in public I just move or leave, but we were in an airplane so I was trapped in my seat.

I saw the guy diagonally from me in an aisle seat watching videos and thought it was him, and I tried to joke (you should never try to joke when you feel like shit – the tone is never going to be right) “Hey, if you’re going to watch videos that loud, you might as well let me watch too.”

Which was waaaaaay more bitchy then I meant it to be. The woman next to him commented “Oh my god, that is rude!” then seeing his face my brain caught up to the sounds I was mortified to realize it wasn’t actually him. I immediately, and profusely, apologized to him, and then my sister informed me that it was still the girls next to her. Considering we had, fairly recently, let them know they were too loud I was legitimately surprised and burst out without thinking “Oh my god, it’s still you?” They once again went “Oh sorry – we can turn it down?” and I again tried to joke, despite it not landing the first time, “Well, that or give me the phone so I can watch”

At this point the woman sitting behind them, who called me rude (rightfully) said “I’m their mother so talk to me, not the them.” I went, great, and told her they needed headphones. At this point she and her husband (next to her, window seat) started saying a lot of things that I don’t remember very well (see afore mentioned migraine and overstimulation) but I mostly remember it being passive aggressive comments about how they guess they’ll tell their kids to not watch TikTok loudly without headphones and me just trying to chipperly reply “awesome - thanks!”. I do remember the husband saying at one point “They do have headphones – it’s their choice if they use them or not.” Which thankfully, I had acquired enough situational awareness to not respond with my thoughts about that statement.

Once we got off the plane, and I felt less like vomiting, I realized I had snapped at these kids in a way that was way out of line. I truly don’t think they knew better, and even if they did I approached the situation in a bad way and really regret my outburst. Yeah, I had a migraine forming and was overstimulated, but that wasn’t their fault even if they were exasperating it. It especially wasn’t their fault considering their parents seemingly saw nothing wrong with their children watching videos without headphones on a plane while said children appeared oblivious.

So, while I know I as an asshole, I guess I’m asking - just how much of an asshole was I?

What are these acronyms?

[chocotonez]

toxic!txt + breakups

a/n: idk man anon wanted angst and I love school/campus aus and then I love writing the toxic men?? idk just take it 😭 this isn’t really my usual content but I found the premise interesting so !! also some of these don’t really have an argument, the prompt is so broad I’m sorry lolol, also!! please don’t romanticize or try to find the appeal in toxic behavior, these hcs are merely speculative and not at all what anyone deserves, if you feel you’re in a dangerous situation text START to 88788 for the domestic violence hotline, and know you have people looking out for you, you deserve to be safe and in a happy, healthy relationship! anyways I’m done bothering you here’s the fic lmao

warnings/genre: txt are kinda dicks, toxic behavior, suggestive content, somewhat campus au, this is just me over-exaggerating speculated toxic traits of txt this doesn’t represent them in any way, angst, arguing, crying, borderline gaslighting, lmk if there’s anything else to be tagged!!

yeonjun

-he’s extremely popular all over campus, for good reason. he’s smart, funny, gets along well with others and is an active member in the student body

-he’s also just in general a very “nice guy” to be around, and you two are considered the it couple the school

-but in truth he’s just kinda a dick, it was nice to date him for the first few months but after a while it was evident you weren’t exactly the priority, and more of his repuation

-honestly you think he stayed with you because you two looked good together, which looked good for him

-he’s not directly mean towards you?? Like he’ll be very casual, “love you” or “good morning” texts but he’ll ghost you for three days and then his social media story is him at a party with other girls. but he’s very possessive over you n it’s genuinely the most infuriating thing in the world to see him wasted and enjoying his best life w everyone who has a crush on him in the same room, but you can’t even go out to see a friend he doesn’t like

-probably says “you can’t do that” if you try to break up with him, gets really frustrated and plays the victim, blames you for not giving him enough attention or space, or messing around w other persons trying to woo you

-shit talks you so much afterwards and he doesn’t even try to hide it anymore, honestly such a dick but he craves your attention so he’ll love-bomb you or show up at your door apologizing and crying

-it’s up to you whether you take him in or not, either way it’ll end in tears

soobin

-hes what I think is called an energy vampire, where your relationship is just him sapping your energy and feelings and it’s not fun at all

-probably ignores you and passive aggressively texts you because you posted a selfie w friends and there was a guy he didn’t like in there

-always makes it seem like you’re the bad person, he just wants you all to himself and it was cute at first but then you find yourself crying because he claims you don’t love him since you’re “always busy with other people”

-he’s not that much of a solitary person either, he has friends and he never even gives you a heads up if he’s out with other people tbh

-unlike yeonjun I think soobin isn’t self aware of his toxic behavior to an extent, he doesn’t really recognize how he’s sapping your energy and getting jealous over small things, but he’s definitely aware when he’s trying to win you over with borderline-manipulative statements, “I’m sorry you feel that way” type of guy

-the type to text you “who was that guy you were with” after you break up, and suddenly he’s giving you the attention you always craved and needed from him. loving texts and romantic gestures, but are you really willing to back to him?

-probably tbh

beomgyu

-moodmaker, but that means if he’s in a bad mood it is just game over for you, because he makes it everyone’s problem

-clingy, wants to be with you 24/7, he’s borderline obsessed with you where he wants your attention to be on him and only him

-it’s cute at first, but suddenly he’s sobbing and arguing over how you “hate him” and you “don’t want to spend time with him”, he’s hyper sensitive to you leaving him behind and it causes so many problems

-but whenever u hang out with him he’s such a sweet and loving boyfriend, if he only gets you all to himself, which is exhausting! so reasonably you break up with him!

-he is very unreasonable! :) spam texts you, spam calls you, asks why you would do this, cries at your front door and suddenly he’s proclaiming how much he loves you and how he needs you

-without you, he’s missing a part of himself, without you he has no one to love, without you, how is anyone gonna validate him with attention? he wants it to be you, that’s all, is it really so bad to want that from someone you love?

-no, of course it’s not, so just let him back into your life so he can use you to fill his need for affection and attention!!

taehyun

-he’s very,,,permissive in a relationship, very absent and it almost feels like your alone half the time when it comes to affection, but when it comes to micro-managing your life??

-“uh ok. sorry you feel that way but-“ he always manages to invalidate your feelings or dumb it down so you sound like a big baby, which is why he’ll make all the choices for you! even if you don’t ask!! or want his overbearing opinion <33

-but everyone finds it so cute, in the hallways he’s always holding your hand and he carries your school bag, he feeds you his snacks, and he acts perfectly fine on the outside. to everyone else, he’s just the more dominant figure in your relationship

-but then he starts getting pissed over you going to a party without telling him what you were gonna wear, who you were gonna be with, etc…

-blames you 4 being inconsiderate of his feelings when you call him out, and he actually breaks up w you and makes you feel like a horrible person by exaggerating every “wrong” you did against him

-he reverse psychology-ed you into actually feeling like you were a bad person for speaking up for yourself, and then he’s like “oh dumb baby it’s ok” and he’s so patronizing

-“thank you for apologizing baby, this is why I make all the choices, remember?”

hyuka

-constant drama w him, there’s always something to blame him for. yes him, because every time you point out a wrong he did he blows it out of proportion and act like you always make him the bad guy

-“oh, I guess it’s bad for me to be insecure about that person you were hanging out with earlier!” and then he acts like a kicked puppy to get you to feel bad for him

-after repetitive arguments of crying, you break up and it’s honestly kinda scary how intent he is on getting you back

-similar to beomgyu, he wants your affection and is practically addicted to it, so you can’t just leave him!! how could you hurt him like this?? because obviously everything is ur fault!!

-he’s the campus angel, he’s so sweet and kind so how can you be so mean? (apparently it’s mean to want personal space and establish boundaries in relationship) he does large romantic gestures to prove to everyone that he was the good boyfriend, and you were the bad person

-pays for ur lunch or walks you to class, makes it seem like you got him wrapped around your finger. and you do! kinda, but your finger is just intertwined with his. but he just loves u so so so much, so how could you let him go?

[mcsacaria-blog]

Sorrow P4

Warnings: kidnapping, OC Dabi lol I’m not good at writing for him, Yandere-like content, stalking, blood, dingy warehouse, fire, needles, swearing

After his statement I grimace at his passive aggressive sentence and pet name. I sigh and roll my eyes.. I don't have patience for anything else in my life. I feel nothing, not even fear anymore. I think to myself he cuts my thought short by introducing himself “My name's Dabi by the way.” He says, he looks at my meek expression like he’s analyzing me. “I know that look… if you decide to stay with me I can help you feel again.”

Dabi turns my chair around my eyes make contact with a old bulky TV 📺 he turns it on flipping through a few channels with the notch before my ex-fiancés face come on. He’s standing on a podium. It looks like some sort of political interview. The people in the crowd were all shouting questions at him “where’s y/n!?” “When did you guys break up?” “Why did you break up?” Are you running the agency yourself now?”. He looks like he doesn’t want to be there, exhausted, eyes sunken in with dark bags under them, his hair is more unruly than normal, unshaven stubble crowding his jaw, he's not even wearing his hero uniform.. Finally he says “we’re doing everything we can to find y/n l/n if anyone has any form of information that might help us with our investigation please contact-.” Dabi turns the TV off and chuckles “Did you see his face?” “Did you see how distraught he looked?” He laughs again… “Isn’t it funny? “How he thinks he had the right to be emotional over this?” He says to me, smiling “Doesn’t that make you angry?” “Why did you show me that?” I ask. “I told you I’m going to help you feel again.. and we’re going to start with one of the most important emotions first.. hatred.”

[trussovasims]

There’s MORE.

~ Reposted from my server- Aestheticsims ~

The reclaiming nonsense is still going on, however now, creators are uploading our horses which we have “failed” to “provide updates” on to the GALLERY for everyone to use. This completely takes away from the “value” they claim their horses are worth, and the statement of them not wanting the horses to be “wasted files” and “not active”. Please see the screenshot below of a passive-aggressive instagram post from a major horse creator: “So if you want a horse that’s being used already be my guest Pookie”. Then they proceed to upload said horses to the gallery, make it make sense?

A lot of malice is occurring in the community currently and people seriously need to wind their necks in.

I also want to note that there have been reports of people reclaiming logos & branding, when there is nothing in the creator’s TOU that says they can do this. Everything is being done to obtain a reaction, and to upset people.

I’ve attached some evidence of what has been going on. If anyone would like any further clarification on anything, feel free to direct message me💖

People like this WILL NOT be allowed in Aestheticsims and if you have horses from the people causing all of this mither, just be weary that if you don’t post regular updates in TES or leave TES, your horse will be reclaimed and shared to the gallery. ALSO, if admins of TES don’t like you, you’re friends with someone they don’t like, you don’t agree with something, you challenge something they have done wrong or you leave the server: they will also repo your horses. I’d love to see how tabs are being kept on the horses that are uploaded to the gallery, cos there isn’t going to be any updates from the numerous people who download them.

The pettiness and nastiness is astounding and I am honestly ashamed to have ever been apart of TES.

If anyone ever needs a chat about anything my DMs are always open. I’m so so fed up rn, it needs to stop.

I don’t lose sleep over this matter however I am SICK of seeing my friends, and other lovely individuals being hurt, and upset over this reclaiming nonsense. I am speaking up for those who may not have the courage to do so right now, I’m protecting our people.

This time, names and accounts will not be covered. The more people that are aware of these nasty creators, the better.

[bleachbleachbleach]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you to @recurring-polynya my beloved for the tag!

I tag everyone who writes fanfic who hasn't done it yet! because I love reading these kinds of things

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

203, 11 under bleachbleachbleach.

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

827,868

3) What fandoms do you write for?

I currently write for Bleach!

4) Top 5 fics by kudos?

I use a site skin that hides kudos/comment count/bookmark/hit data on all of the fics on AO3, because they make me feel bad about myself.

5) Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I post my fanfic on the Internet because I want to talk to people about these characters and these stories. Of course I’m going to take the opportunity. If someone comments on a fic of mine, chances are I’ve probably re-read the whole fic before replying, because, again, I’m going to TAKE that opportunity.

6) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

All my fics are fairly dour the entire time, but I don’t think they tend to end badly. I’m most interested in the afterwards of something having ended badly (and/or something that is probably going to end badly, but hasn’t yet and maybe it won’t).

7) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All my fics are fairly dour the entire time (she says, again), but happiest overall and happiest ending is probably Some Things, because nothing hard is obviously about to happen right after it ends (e.g. Aizen, the Winter War, the rest of TYBW, etc.).

8) Do you get hate on fics?

Hate, not usually. Passive-aggressive dismissiveness or unsolicited critique, yes.

9) Do you write smut?

I’ve written sexual content, but idk if it’s technically smut? In that the point of it is often not arousal. Like, I’m not expecting anyone to want to read it because it promises to be sexually satisfying and scorching hot. Usually the characters are Going Through It and either the sex is incidental or it makes everything worse. I love either an inconsequential bathroom fuck or sex that exists somewhere on the spectrum of Weird. All of which can be kink in itself, yes! But I’ve never written anything and thought, "yeah, THIS, this is gonna make someone nut."

10) Do you write crossovers?

No, but if I did it would be about Iba being great friends with King from Run with the Wind. This is THE crossover canon of all time, mark me.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know. 

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I’m not sure? I’ve had people offer, usually never to be heard from again, but I think it may have happened once, a long time ago.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, but I didn’t really enjoy the process. Or didn’t *get* it? I guess I don’t really understand how it works? I barely understand how RP could work, lol. 

Obviously we run this blog in tandem, and have co-written posts. I regularly hop into docs with multiple authors for things like abstracts, copy, organizational statements, etc. But fanfic is, to me, a completely different creature. That’s between you and the characters.

14) What's your all-time favorite ship?

I don’t think I’ve ever thought about a ship in this way. This is not about fandom or fanfic, but I will say I’ve reliably cried about David/Patrick’s wedding (and entire courtship) EVERY time I’ve watched Schitt’s Creek. S-tier.

15) What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I used to be someone of many fics and many WIPs, but in Bleach I am someone with one WIP and a selection of other posted fics, all of which have been pinched off of my one WIP, like little spider plants.

16) What are your writing strengths?

My strength is that I enjoy the process of writing fanfic. Like, obviously it’s frustrating when something isn’t coming together, or is just bad (though sometimes it’s still enjoyable even when I know the product itself is bad). Sure, it’s often DISTINCTLY UN-FUN if this is happening while the fic is on deadline, but overall I like writing fanfic, and I find I don’t relate to most "writers avoiding writing" memes I see. (Well, with work writing, I find them highly relatable. I’ve heard there are people in my profession who enjoy work writing. COULDN’T BE ME.) By god, I did not wrest away this time to write fanfic, only to NOT enjoy it!!

Product-wise, my strength is that I know my taste, at least, so I usually like the things I post, even if I don’t think they did everything well. Craft-wise, my personal favorite trait of my own writing is the rhythm and repetition, and the layering of metaphor that results.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

How badly I want to hear from people after I have shared something. My father once told me (not about fanfic lol) that "not everything requires a response" but man, if I’m going to put my heart on the line, my heart requires one, regardless of whether the greater balance of the universe does. 

Craft-wise, I think my weakness is sometimes leaving too much to implication (and the opposite, overwriting or overmechanizing, executed out of fear of leaving too much to implication).

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

For Bleach, I consider all dialogue as already in-translation, even though the only language these fics exist in is English. Depending no how important I think the dialogue is or how well-versed I am in how the character speaks in Japanese, I will sometimes spend a lot of time thinking about how the scene would go in Japanese, and what the best translation would be for that in English. I’m nowhere near fluent in Japanese; I just really like translation theory. In practice, the way this works is like, I’ll have a certain grammatical construction in mind, or an order of phrases in mind, and then I spend a lot of time deciding if what I want for the scene is a "Nabokov does Onegin" translation (literal, "pure," estranging), or a "Pushkin does Shakespeare" translation (in the artistic idiom of the target language). This kind of playground is one of the things I love most about Bleach, and one of the reasons I started writing for Bleach in the first place. I really enjoy it!

I am not fluent enough in any language other than English to want to write dialogue in it. I think all of you who write fanfic outside of your primary language(s) are phenomenal.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Online and disseminated to others? Inuyasha, back when you had to also build the website to host it. (We discovered FFN later, lol.)

20) Favorite fic you've ever written?

I really like most of the fic I’ve written, to be honest. I think that’s probably less true of things pre-2009, but probably some of that stuff, too. Some are more take or leave, but of everything I’ve written in the last five years, there’s only one where I looked at the title just now and thought 'ehhhh.'

On this blog, I try to avoid talking in the specific about things I’ve made that aren’t for Bleach, but How Many Thousands is my top favorite. It was written for one of my best friends in the world, before we were actually friends. I consider it my love letter to her.

For Bleach, it’s probably my East Rukongai Soul Train fanfic, which I have  read more times than the entire rest of the planet combined. I have read it many times. Thank you to those of you who also read to the end, because you are one of the highlights of my entire 2023!

[fuck-customers]

I’m getting so sick and tired of this one nurse I have to work with. Thankfully I don’t have to work with her every single shift, but it’s enough shifts to piss me off.

I’m just gonna call her B. She can be super passive aggressive and condescending since she’s apparently been a nurse here for 20+ years or something. And when it comes to her skills I have nothing bad to say, and I respect her work ethic because she is very good with patients. I just hate how she treats me. It’s one of those situations where I know she doesn’t like me based on the way she talks/acts, even though she’s never come out and said as much.

It’s weird because she’s been a bit better lately, a little nicer to me and somewhat more friendly overall. But then today she got nitpicky with me over something I said to a patient during check-in.

Unfortunately the nurses station and my clerk cubby are close enough together that if you’re speaking loudly (which I have to do with patients because we have a glass window for safety that’s really thick and hard to hear through, kinda like a bank teller) the nurses can usually hear what I’m saying, or at least some of what I’m saying.

A parent brought in their child for check-in, and the child looked really scared and in pain, which made me so sad to see because you never want to see a kid hurt or sick. So to try and make the child feel a little better I said “don’t worry, they’ll [the nurses/doctor] will make the pain go away soon” because like what else am I supposed to say to a poor little kid who’s not feeling good? I’m just trying to be comforting, you know

Well B had a problem with that statement. When I went to give her the paperwork she started to get all passive aggressive once again, saying “oh did I hear you tell the patient we’d make the pain go away? Can you guarantee that? You shouldn’t tell patients things we can’t fully guarantee, because what if I can’t make the pain go away? Then it upsets the patient” and I was like “well I was just trying to comfort this little kid, they looked so sad and in pain and I just wanted to try and make them feel better, I didn’t really think about it”. She goes on to reiterate that I should say something else, or just make inane small talk with the patient, so it doesn’t upset them later. I just said okay and that I’d say something else in the future, simply because I didn’t want to deal with her anymore.

Like honestly what is the fucking issue in trying to comfort a patient, especially a young patient who is probably scared to be here as it is? I’m not saying things to give patients false hope or whatever, but it’s reasonable thinking that for a (probably) not super major injury the nurses and/or doctor can help ease the pain from that injury. That’s what you come to the ER for anyway, and if majority of people couldn’t get their pain eased at the ER they wouldn’t be coming in to one at all.

It’s just frustrating. Like yeah I’m younger than B, and I’m not as important or high up on the ladder as a nurse since I don’t have any of their specialized skills, but it’s not like she knows how to do my job. And if I don’t get a patient registered in the system then the nurses/doctor can’t do any treatments or help the patient at all, so I am kind of necessary. Not to mention doing all the other things they don’t want to do (or don’t know how to do) since I handle all the paperwork and faxing and distribute call-sheets and get medical records, etc, etc. And it seems like no matter how hard I work or well I try to do my job she still looks down on me. I’ve made strides with many of the other nurses, and even the stoic doctor who doesn’t really like anyone they’re not comfortable with already, and the all-business FNP who doesn’t talk to you very much until you’ve basically proven yourself over months of time, and now they treat me like I’m one of the team and say hi to me and joke with me like they do with everyone else.

I know you can’t get along with everyone, and not everyone will always like you all the time. But it’s still discouraging to be talked down to like I’m a child. Even if you don’t like me, you can at least treat me with respect and then we can just leave each other alone until it’s absolutely necessary to interact

[raccooncourt]

Twilight is a stockholm syndrome horror franchise (A Raccoon Court Case)

I wrote this essay as an argument for my podcast (which you can listen to here!). If you want to hear this argument along with my friends picking it apart in our court of law, listen to it on Spotify! Enjoy!

Opening Statement

Hello, my name is Mel, and today I will be defending myself against the charge that i have bad taste for “believing Twilight is a horror franchise about Stockholm Syndrome”.

Before I begin, lets get something straight. I would never, ever come on this podcast, in front of the court and God and Jesus and everyone, and say that Twilight is a bad movie because it’s not. Catherine Hardwicke put her everything into this movie, especially when the 2007-2008 writers strike forced her to improvise the line “hold on tight spider monkey.” This movie has some of the best lighting and editing choices EVER. The soundtrack RIPS! The actors are COMMITTING to the weird shit they were given. Like just watch Emmett walk around with that bag of hard boiled eggs. Look at Alice’s insane haircut during the baseball scene. Watch Anna Kendrick be the most passive aggressive and insecure girl in that school. How do they make Arizona look fucking blue somehow? It’s everything to me.

That being said, I believe that Twilight should not be considered a “romantic fantasy film” as Wikipedia describes it. This movie, and the franchise as a whole, follows a serious episode of Stockholm Syndrome where Bella Swan, after trauma bonding with Edward and his family, becomes convinced that her relationship with Edward is good and healthy and worth leaving everyone she knows and loves behind. While Twilight is my main source for this argument, I will be discussing the less entertaining, more biblically accurate movies in the franchise for some key evidence. Before we jump into them, I would like to note that my praise of Twilight does not unilaterally apply to the rest of these movies. I could feel myself lose years off my life watching Breaking Dawn part 1 with Jess back in June. That being said, Breaking Dawn part 2 revived me and I’m actually happy and healthy and young and vivacious now because of that Alice girlboss moment with the Volturi at the end.

With the current group of Twilight fans in the studio, I am sure we will get distracted and just talk about how good Twilight is, but I will do my best to keep us on track. In the case today, I will give us all an AP Psych background on Stockholm Syndrome. I will then detail all of the weird and creepy things that Edward does in Twilight to trick Bella accidentally into falling in love with him. Finally, I will provide examples from the other movies in the franchise to back up how this unstable and unhealthy relationship fits the telltale signs of a Stockholm Syndrome situation.

Defense case-in-chief

One note before we start. This is a fun podcast for fun. We are in no way trying to trivialize or minimize anyone’s mental health struggles or traumatic experiences. I am just interested in using this lens as a way to understand this dumb fucking franchise.

Now, before we talk about how Edward tricks a teen girl into falling in love with him, let’s quickly go over the basics of Stockholm Syndrome.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, “Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response to being held captive. People with Stockholm syndrome form a psychological connection with their captors and begin sympathizing with them. In addition to the original kidnapper-hostage situation, Stockholm syndrome now includes other types of trauma in which there’s a bond between the abuser and the person being abused.” (https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22387-stockholm-syndrome)

This syndrome was named after an incident in 1973, where bank robbers in Stockholm, Sweden held hostages for six days in the bank. During that time, some of the hostages started to like the bank robbers, and upon release, they refused to testify against the criminals. Some of these victims even raised money for the robbers court costs.

Again, according to the Cleveland Clinic,

People who have Stockholm syndrome have:

Positive feelings toward the captors or abusers.

Sympathy for their captors’ beliefs and behaviors.

Negative feelings toward police or other authority figures.

Other symptoms are similar to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and include:

Flashbacks.

Feeling distrustful, irritated, jittery or anxious.

Can’t relax or enjoy things that you previously enjoyed.

Trouble concentrating.

(https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22387-stockholm-syndrome)

I would like us all to remember these key symptoms and characteristics of the syndrome. First, a victim is put in a traumatic situation, or multiple traumatic situations over time, with the abuser. Then, as they spend more time with the abuser, they start to empathize and form good feelings towards the abuser. A key part here is that they also form negative feelings towards POLICE like say maybe a certain DILF from Forks, Washington??? Anyway, the other symptoms of flashbacks, feeling irritated and anxious, losing interest in your hobbies, trouble concentrating, and distrust all come into play here. In our next sections, I will be giving you concrete examples of times Bella displays ALL of these symptoms and how we can use that evidence to diagnose her as suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.

Now that we have our psychological background information, let’s talk about Twilight!

When we first meet Bella, she is nervous about moving to Forks, and she is a generally shy person, but she is personable. Bella has consistent dinners with her dad and is nice to the townies. She laughs with her mom on the phone. She immediately makes friends with Jacob and finds a group of friends at school on the first day. She smiles a lot considering her character in future movies. She makes jokes when she first meets Mike and Jessica (”aren’t people from Arizona supposed to be like really tan?” “yeah maybe thats why they kicked me out”). I like this weird Bella. She is doing a great job at making friends despite coming in the middle of the year and being shy!

Now, Edward - he is looking ROUGH when we are first introduced. He looks like he’s actually dying a painful death when the rest of the Cullens look like legit immortal and young. Jessica describes him as “totally gorgeous” but as we will see as the movies progress, he won’t reach his hottest until the last few movies. He is not a catch right now. Watching him react to smelling Bella is one of the worst things that I’ve ever seen. I know that it’s just because he is Horny for that Blood, but it is awful to watch. He kinda looks like when a little kid throws up and has to go tell their mom about it in the middle of the night towards the end of the scene.

Anyway, Edward and Bella have now met, which is the beginning of the end that will stretch out over the next 5 movies. But currently, there has been no trauma bonding. There is no psychological damage, except maybe to Bella for thinking she smelled so bad Edward was gonna yak. We are not in Stockholm Syndrome territory yet. Edward comes back to school, apologizes, and becomes Bella’s lab partner again. He’s cuter in this scene somehow, and while it isn’t the same glow up we will see after him and Bella trauma bond, there is something to be said about him tearing her confidence down and then building it back up as the movie makes him look more attractive…

Now, 21 minutes into the movie, Bella is about to get crushed by a car when Edward appears out of nowhere and saves her. He crushes the door of the car, stops it, and then runs away. Here is our first instance of Bella associating Edward as her protector. In the future, this white knight syndrome seems to justify any future danger that Edward puts Bella in. Also, this begins my favorite Edward trait in this movie - this man is a GASLIGHTER. Bella confronts Edward about how he got to her so fast and why his eyes are different colors and he says 1) he was right next to her and 2) “its the fluorescence.” Bella fights back, but he laughs her off. He talks about how she hit her head and is confused. When she keeps fighting, he says “well, no one is gonna believe you,” WHICH IS A CRAZY THING TO SAY!!!!

In the next scene, Bella is having some small flashbacks to the car accident, which could just be PTSD, but as I mentioned earlier, PTSD shares a lot of symptoms with Stockholm Syndrome. Bella is zoning out and not paying attention to Mike while he asks her to prom, but at this point, she is still nice fun Bella. She even puts in a good word for Jessica. However, at the greenhouse, Edward gets mad at Bella for tripping and tells her that she can’t be his friend. It’s a weird back and forth that definitely isn’t helping her psyche. She thinks the guy who saved her life regrets it, which would fuck you up for sure.

This has nothing to do with my argument, but I need to mention that in the next scene, we get both “its la push baby, la push” as well as Edward kicking the apple up into his hands in a way that defies logic and gravity. It’s cinema perfection. To be fair, in this scene, Edward says that Bella would be smart to stay away from him. He may not be trying to force Bella into a Stockholm syndrome situation, but I am sure those bank robbers weren’t either.

Bella is still herself at this point. She goes to the beach with her friends, hangs out with Jacob, and gives the girls advice about the Prom. She asks to go with the girls to prom dress shop all on her own, but she is kinda zoned out and reading a book because she just wants to go to the bookstore. I appreciate that she tried to participate in the girly things her friends wanted to do, but then she is dumb as fuck and walks down the darkest and creepiest alley ever. These gross ass adult men jump her, and Edward comes to the rescue in his teeny tiny little car. Slay! But do you wanna know what’s not slay? Edward was literally stalking her, but Bella feels blessed because he saved her once again. At dinner, Edward, in the creepiest way possible tells her that “he feels very protective of her.” I am obsessed with how quickly Bella accepts that he can read minds. Like what the fuck is wrong with her. But here, we can start to see the change in Bella despite the warning signs - Edward was LITERALLY STALKING HER. GET A GRIP GIRL!!

After Waylan’s death, Bella has flashbacks for a second time! and it makes her start reading the book about vampires. This leads us to an incredible scene of internet sleuthing about vampires and having MORE FLASHBACKS to when Edward saved her. Someone get this girl some help. In the next scene, we get the incredible confrontation between Edward and Bella in the woods. Something I need to bring up here - this girl knows that Edward has stalked her, and she is pretty sure that he is a dangerous vampire. YET!!! She decides to walk out into the forest ALONE with Edward to confront him somewhere no one could see. These two aren’t even together yet, and she has the worst self preservation skills of all time! Then - when she finds out that he has been 17 “for a while” she STAYS AND KEEPS TALKING TO HIM!!!

Now, here is where I truly feel like my evidence really begins. When Edward talks about what vampires eat and how he is dangerous, Bella says “you won’t hurt me.” We are certainly seeing some crazy amounts of trust and sympathy for this man who was literally stalking her and may kill her out in the woods and is also a vampire. Remember how the Cleveland Clinic notes “sympathy for their captor’s behaviors” as one of the key signs of Stockholm Syndrome… She has no reason to believe in him, but she does. Edward drags her through the woods and then forces her up the mountain to reveal how weird and shiny he is. “This is the skin of a killer, Bella” should have really made her turn around and run, like he is literally admitting to being a killer and she says “I don’t believe that.” GIRL!! GET OUT OF THERE!! RUN BITCH!!

I find it interesting that Edward in this scene says that his voice, his face, and his smell are tricking Bella into being drawn in because he is a predator, and it is a trap. He talks about how he was designed to kill and how Bella would never be able to out run him or fight him off, and he is trying to physically demonstrate the threat by throwing shit around. It is a scary display! Edward does a lot in the first few movies to stay away from Bella, but eventually, he does fight to keep her around despite the fact that he KNOWS that he’s 100 years older than her (ew) and he KNOWS that his vampire whiles have tricked Bella’s brain into being attracted to him. Honestly, if he were a good man and not a weird criminal, he would have just moved. Like why do the Cullen kids even need to be in school. Let them pretend to be in their 20s for a while and move away from this poor dumb girl.

As soon as Edward and Bella get together in the woods, she says she is in love with him. Girl, BFFR. We start to see Bella pull away now that she has Edward. Bella ignores all of her friends at school to be with Edward.

Ok, now Charlie is on the hunt for the “animal” killing people. Bella fully knows that its a vampire and that those vampires can kill Charlie and her friends, but she doesn’t say anything because she now has this weird allegiance to the Cullens. She also won’t tell her dad that she’s dating Edward. Mike tells Bella that he doesn’t like Edward dating her because “he looks at you like you’re something to eat.” I know that Mike says that shit because he used to have a thing for Bella, but it says something when your friends are worried about your boyfriend and you brush them off… That’s not a good sign.

That night, Edward just appears in her room while she is on the phone with her mom and ADMITS TO SNEAKING INTO HER ROOM FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS??? TO WATCH HER SLEEP??? Bella thinks its hot. Literally what the fuck girl get a GRIP. Now, when Edward introduces himself to Charlie, he looks hot. My theory, and you can test it as you watch the series, is that Edward gets hotter over time because Bella gets deeper and deeper into her Stockholm syndrome situation. A lot of the other characters are their hottest in this movie, but Edward gets hotter as Bella loses her mind. I think that is saying something.

BASEBALL SCENE!!! BASEBALL SCENE!!! BASEBALL SCENE!!!

Now we are in the first instance where Edward has put Bella in danger - the three rogue vampires find out about her while the Cullens play baseball. This won’t put Bella into danger until later, but it fully is Edward’s fault that she was out in the woods where the vampires could find her. What it does do is force Bella to choose between Edward and Charlie, and this one singular time, she chooses correctly. Bella tells Edward to leave her alone. She isn’t fully sucked into the Cullen trap! JKJK!! It is all a trick to get Charlie to think she is leaving so he doesn’t worry about her! It is absolutely devastating to watch Bella hurt Charlie because Edward says “you have to.” Oh my god it is so hard to watch. DON’T HURT CHARLIE THAT’S MY MANZ!!!

This scene of Bella leaving really solidifies her jump from normal Bella to what we could call captive Bella. She is forced to leave her dad. She is painfully watching her friends have fun while she runs away with the Cullens and a boy she just kissed for the first time after he admitted to sneaking into her room for months. From here on out, we will watch her slowly pull away from everyone until it is just her and Edward. In this scene, Bella admits to being afraid and Edward says “Bella, you are my life now.” Insanity. It’s actually so scary. He also says that when it is over, they are gonna go somewhere alone. Isolating a 17 year old from her home, her friends, and her family is manipulative creep behavior, even if it’s because a scary vampire is trying to get her. Especially when it’s your fault for the vampire even knowing she was a target to begin with.

James tricks Bella into coming to the ballet studio alone and beats the shit out of her before biting her, which nearly kills her. Edward has to suck the poison out because Alice gets horny off Bella’s blood. Bella has to watch a murder happen while Edward just lets her suffer until he decides what to do with her. Edward then takes too much of her blood despite Carlisle telling him when to stop, which is a cool and totally not bad thing to do to your girlfriend when she is on the brink of death. When Bella wakes up, she thanks Edward for saving her, solidifying this savior idea she has about a man who will continue to put her in danger.

Oh god and I totally forgot about the boot to prom. Now, right before the end of the movie, we get one final attempt at a friend trying to save Bella. Jacob gets paid by his dad to tell Bella to break up with Edward. Another adult man informing Bella of what a mistake she is making. She is just like ok whatever bye! Note, she goes to prom with Edward and not any of her friends, even though her friends were so excited about it. She does say hi to her friends, but Edward takes her outside, and they spend the entire prom alone together. It is really fucked that the soundtrack goes so hard in this movie because I start to tear up even knowing that she is going to lose all of her friends and family for Edward.

At the end of this movie, we know a few things about Bella and Edward. Bella starts off as a shy girl with friends who spends time with her dad and calls her mom often. When she meets Edward, she idolizes him after he saves her life a few times. He tries to explain how much of a fucking creep he is by admitting to stalking her, being a murderer, and sneaking into her home for months. She thinks its hot and says that she loves him. Edward, despite being 117 and knowing better than to be into a 17 year old girl, brings her into his family and exposes her to other vampires. Those vampires hunt her for sport and to “protect her,” Edward forces her to lie and leave her friends and family. She now has no one else besides the Cullens. While they do save her, it is their fault for putting her in this situation. However, because they save her from James, she sees them as her savior rather than her captor.

Now, we will complete our analysis by quickly going over the evidence from the other four movies. It is going to be less descriptive because I could not make myself watch this entire series again after watching it literally 2 months ago.

Everyone, buckle up because it is New Moon time. Before we get started, I would love to read the character descriptions from the New Moon entry of Wikipedia:

Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan, a teenage girl who falls into a deep depression after her true love, Edward Cullen, leaves her. Her friendship with Jacob Black is expanded as she realizes that he can mend the hole left open by Edward

Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen, Bella's vampire boyfriend who abruptly leaves town to protect her.

Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black, a cheerful companion who eases Bella's pain over losing Edward. He reveals to Bella that he is part of a pack of werewolves whose main goal is to protect her from the vampires Laurent and Victoria

Totally off topic, but I went into the talk page for this bc I love Wikipedia editor drama and someone reviewing this page marked it as stable because it doesn’t have an editing war happening in it. I just love Wikipedia editor culture. Anyway -

In the beginning of this movie, Bella gets a paper cut at her birthday party, which is with the Cullens and not her friends, and Jasper tries to kill her. Again, we are so clearly in “the Cullens are the threat” territory but this bitch has her blinders on hard core. Edward freaks out about it ,and his family moves out of Forks to protect her. At this point, you must be saying, “how could she have stockholm syndrome if he left to protect her?” Just you wait. If you remember from before, sometimes Stockholm syndrome manifests as anxiety, being unable to relax or concentrate, and withdrawing. Well, my girl Bella goes through a major depressive episode when Edward leaves and seemingly stays in her room for months just moping around. The only reason Bella reconnects with anyone is because Charlie threatens to send her to Jacksonville to live with her mom. So, Bella goes to see a movie with Jessica. However, instead of just enjoying the movie like a normal person, she goes up to some bikers she sees on the street and gets on a fucking strangers bike so she can see a force ghost of Edward.

This entire movie is about Bella doing dangerous activities so she can see a memory of Edward even though she has a support system she could use to safely get over the breakup. Jacob tries to be a friend but ends up helping Bella do dangerous shit to see force ghost Edward. Unrelated to literally anything, Jacob goes through werewolf puberty and has to ditch Bella too. The distance doesn’t last long thought. Bella is quickly attacked by Laurent, one of the rogue vampires. You remember, the guy who discovered Bella when Edward had her out in the woods to play baseball. Remember the guy who was friends with the guy who literally almost killed Bella like a few months ago. Yes, that Laurent. The werewolves save Bella and that starts a whole other thing for these movies with the pack politics and the werewolf - vampire feud that we won’t get into.

Bella says yolo and does the dumbest shit ever - go cliff jumping alone in Washington to see her ex-boyfriend. I do want to note that Bella and Edward have known each other at this point for 6 months, and they have been apart for 6 months. Literally, they were together for less time than they have been broken up. It’s insane. And I know that I usually like to give teen romances a break because teens have big feelings and love can be all consuming at that time, but this girl is constantly in danger and depressed because of a man she has maybe kissed 3 times and is 117. Also unrelated, but this twilight wiki article on the timeline mentions that when the Cullens move away, they move to Ithaca where Jasper becomes a philosophy student?? Are you talking about the same Jasper who fought for the confederate side?? Ok yeah ok.

Anyway, Alice sees this in her vision, and Edward, thinking Bella is dead, tries to kill himself. I literally don’t care. Alice and Bella fly to Italy to save Edward. They do, and after some negotiating with the Volturi, they get to leave when they promise to eventually turn Bella into a vampire. At the end of the movie, we see Edward make what Stephanie Meyer would call a compromise and I would call a quid-pro-quo. He promises to turn her into a vampire, which is her dream, ONLY if she marries him. Remember, he is 118 at this point and she is freshly 18, but yeah pop off I guess. No weird power dynamic going on here. Definitely no reason to be worried about this relationship at all.

Our next movie is Eclipse. I would like to note that in the Eclipse talk page on Wikipedia, it is listed as a horror as is Breaking Dawn part 1… I’m gonna say that is a point in my favor too.

This movie is really just a way to exploit the love triangle of the series, but I think it illuminates the weird tension and power dynamic that Edward and Bella have together. Now that Edward and Bella have been reunited after Edward tries to (with an Italian accent and the hands 🤌🏻) kill himself, he proposes. Bella doesn’t want to get married at 18. Like thank god she has 2 brain cells in this movie. I have to note that when Edward proposes, they have been back together for 3 months, and together for a total of 10 months at the most. She is really uncertain about the whole thing, partially because she is so young and partially because her parents didn’t stick together.

Something I think is interesting in this movie is the fact that Bella legally has to be turned into a vampire to fulfill her agreement with the Volturi. If she doesn’t get turned, she will be killed by them. Edward refuses to turn Bella into a vampire unless she marries him. In a way, he is forcing Bella to chose between two options she doesn’t want: get married or get murdered by scary Dakota Fanning. She no longer has any agency in her life or her decision to become a vampire - she literally has to pick getting married. Now, because she has been tricked into falling in love with an 118 year old murderer, she thinks it will work out just fine. I just wanted to bring up that plot point because it really is so gross of Edward??

Next in Eclipse, Jacob kisses Bella, and she breaks her hand trying to punch him. At the same time, we get some training montages to prepare for the battle with Victoria, the lover of James, remember James who almost killed Bella. Yeah, well she’s a coming, and she’s bringing some fresh vampires. During the training, Jasper tells Bella about how he hated his life until he met Alice, and that is enough to convince her to marry Edward. I love when a heart to heart with a canonical confederate soldier fixes my relationship problems.

Because of Victoria and the need to force the love triangle, Jacob, Bella, and Edward go on a camping trip. While Bella tries not to die of hypothermia, Jacob gets mad about them being engaged and runs off. Bella then kisses Jacob to keep him from running away because thats how you shut people up in romance movies but also because apparently now she loves him?? Edward is like ¯\(ツ)/¯ because “he knows that she doesn’t love Jacob as much as him” and maybe also because if she chooses Jacob she will literally be murdered by the Italian vampire squad??

There is a fight and like its fine and then the Volturi remind Bella of their deal, so she chooses Edward. Again, it is great to choose your partner under duress, especially when it is entirely your partner’s fault that you are under duress. Wikipedia describes the end of this movie as follows: “Bella and Edward go to their meadow, where she tells him she has decided to do things his way: get married, have sex, then be transformed into a vampire, and that she feels complete in his world. They decide to tell Charlie about their engagement.” I always forget how important Edward’s “old fashioned views” on sex and relationships are in these movies until I rewatch. Nothing reminds me more about this 100 year age gap than Edward not wanting to take her flower before God intended. Ugh, anyway.

On to Breaking Dawn Part 1!! I hate this movie, but boy does it have a lot to discuss.

This movie opens on the wedding. Our sweet lil girl is finally marrying her 118 year old spooky boyfriend so she doesn’t get murdered! How beautiful. But before that, we get Edward admitting to Bella that he used to murder people for sport after he got turned even though Carlisle told him not to. Very cool Ed!! Bella says that its ok because he probably was saving more lives by killing these weirdos, which is another good example of siding with her captor. Side note, but Bella is all in on getting married and never seeing her friends and family again as Edward reaches peak hottie status in the series… Coincidence?

In the scenes leading up to the wedding, we see two Bellas: the one around Edward who is so sure about getting married BECAUSE she is so sure about becoming a vampire and the one around her friends and family who looks nervous and unsure about the wedding. She looks like she’s having a panic attack, especially as Charlie walks her down the aisle. That could just be because she’s shy Bella but I think maybe there is something more going on here.

At the wedding, we hear from some of the speeches from Bella’s friends and family. Emmett gives a horny ass toast. Jessica gives a crazy speech about how she is hotter than Bella. Charlie says “Edward will be a good husband. I know this because I am a cop.” which devolves into him just threatening Edward. Bella’s mom sings a lullaby that goes on for a criminal amount of time. Alice bashes Bella’s fashion sense. Esme gives a harrowing speech about protecting Bella forever.

In one of my favorite scenes of the series, we watch Jacob and Bella reconnect. I am going to include the best part after I talk about this evidence, but here Jacob says “I should be used to saying goodbye to you.” Remember how, since vampires don’t age, Bella is going to have to leave literally every single person she knows and loves to live exclusively with Edward, a man who invites endless danger and also is a creep? Woof it is hard to watch. Then, Jacob gets mad at Bella, rightfully!, for planning on getting dicked down by her vampire husband before she turns vampire.

Before she goes on her honeymoon, Bella has a tearful goodbye with her parents, who she knows she will never see again. It’s really sad?? She can hear the wolves howling and is even more sad. From here on out, Bella will only have the Cullens. She has committed herself forever to this group of people who constantly endanger her, partially because if she didn’t Michael Sheen would kill her.

Now, the rest of this movie is Bella’s pregnancy. Fun fact, she is aware of her pregnancy for less than 14 days before she gives birth. According to the book and a tiktok Twilight historian I follow, they have sex on August 14th. From August 15th to 20th, Bella is having weird dreams and eating raw chicken. On August 21st, they have sex again and 10 days later, she realizes she missed her period. When Jacob sees Bella all gross and pregnant, 7 days have gone by. Renesmee is born on 9/11. It’s WILD.

So now, this poor girl has had sex exactly twice like shes Lane from Gilmore Girls, and she’s pregnant. And guess what? Edward is like fucking EW get rid of that thing rn. This man, who was all about proper godly values, is like abort that creature. She’s like no I wanna keep this baby, and he won’t even try to be understanding. So now, Bella doesn’t even really have her husband as a support system or any of her family to get her through this. She just has the Cullen girlies until Edward can read the baby’s thoughts and he’s like oh sweet the baby means no harm on my wife who I’ve abandoned many times and also forced to leave her entire support system.

Bella dies in the most gruesome childbirth scene of all time, and Edward turns her into a vampire.

FINAL MOVIE!!! BREAKING DAWN PART 2

Most of this movie is irrelevant. However, in the beginning, we get my actual favorite scene in all of twilight [you imprinted on my daughter??]. Edward is SO HOT, peak hot one could argue, in this movie. Now that Bella is fully indoctrinated into the Cullen family, Edward becomes as hot as possible. His total mind takeover is complete.

Anyway, this movie really reminds us of the impact the Cullens have had on isolating Bella. Charlie is desperate to know anything about Bella’s health and where she is, btu the Cullens are like yo - we gotta move and never talk to him again. We gotta pack our bags and move away. Jacob is like thats absolute bullshit so he snitches to Charlie. He doesn’t tell him everything so it seems to be ok? They say that Renesme is adopted and Bella is no longer sick, so its gucci.

The rest of the movie is just about the Volturi bullshit and Alice girlbossing until Bella, Edward, and Renesme get to be a happy family, totally cut off from the outside world.

To recap, people who have Stockholm syndrome have:

Positive feelings toward the captors or abusers aka the Cullens

Sympathy for their captors’ beliefs and behaviors aka Edward being a stalker and a murderer and a pedophile

Negative feelings toward police or other authority figures aka Charlie and the werewolf pack when they warn against being with the Cullens

Other symptoms are similar to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and include:

Flashbacks like all of the ones she had in Twilight and the force ghost projections in New Moon

Feeling distrustful, irritated, jittery or anxious which only gets worse in Bella as she spends more time with the Cullens.

Can’t relax or enjoy things that you previously enjoyed - this bitch is on edge all the time and everything in her life has become life or death at 18.

Trouble concentrating - you know it, especially in New Moon.

Over time, we watch Edward get hotter as Bella feels more and more tied with the Cullens. When she has no other way of surviving, she marries Edward and then is removed from her community forever. She can’t even share the miracle of her becoming a mother with anyone. It is upsetting to watch, and that’s why I believe this franchise is actually a horror story warning us about Stockholm Syndrome.

Closing Statement

Honorable members of the jury, I am sorry that I put you through this today. I can’t say what compelled me to do this other than grad school procrastination and a recent hyperfixation on Twilight. I hope you can all look at this movie with a clinical eye, as doctors recognized by the court today, and see that yes, Edward put Bella in danger many times and yes, she thought he was hotter every time he revealed something fucking heinous about himself. We should all watch these films not as romances, but as warnings. Don’t fall in love with weird loners who are 117 years old. Don’t join a family with a confederate soldier. It will only cause you irreperable psychological damage and physical pain and also give you a weird baby that your ex-lover imprints on. Please don’t find me guilty of bad taste for believing Twilight is a Stockholm Syndrome horror film.

[sheriffslop]

Lop’s Shipping Discourse Statement !! ✨ ( TW ; Uncensored Mentions of Gr**ming / P*dophilia )

Just releasing this now, so there is less misconceptions about what I have said due to discourse lately. I’m in no way, calling anyone a predator for their ships, however, we have to understand that sometimes media imported from Japan is problematic in a sense, and I know, I know, I know that sometimes there are characters from various mangas, shows, games, etc. where the characters look young but they are legal adults.

I am a baby faced adult, however, I can fully say with confidence that while you personally aren’t a weird, disgusting creep, that doesn’t mean there aren’t any out there that do get drawn to media, using the reason that the character is legal to be creepy about certain aspects. I personally have been fetishized for looking young, even when I was a minor, and y’all have no idea how frequently I have heard statements such as “ I can’t wait until you’re legal “ - I literally had one of the men that groomed / assaulted me reach out not even two weeks after I turned eighteen, trying to get me to visit him states away without my family, that’s when I realized that it was over all an extremely wrong concept, especially since he still mentioned that I was pretty, asked if I still had braces ( something commonly worn on teenagers ). I don’t know what he was planning, but I know it wasn’t good. He wasn’t the only one to act this way towards myself as well. I’ve even had strange men approach me in public and immediately go with pickup lines talking about how “ young “ and “ innocent “ I look, and I know this sounds extreme and maybe even false, but I just want to explain why I have a stance that I do on this issue.

What I am saying is that when the age isn’t confirmed, and a lot of media from Japan has banked off of this concept, it’s a very dicey territory. You guys out there saying Yuma is a legal adult is whatever, it’s fine, for the most part, I’ve been joking, however, I can under that might not have seemed clear due to not using tone tags or being more explicit in the way I was speaking, and tone is always extremely hard to get across using text. For this, I apologize and I never wanted to make anyone feel uncomfortable in the fandom or make anyone feel as if I was directly calling them a predator. That was aggressive and uncalled for on my behalf, and I promise, I’m genuinely not a very hateful person, and those actions absolutely contradict with who I am. I want everyone to have fun here, enjoy being a part of the fandom on the internet, however, I also have my own boundaries concerning this sort of stuff, and I would like for us to reach a mutual understanding.

Just for my personal boundaries, I ask that nobody sends any ships involving Yuma and a confirmed adult in my inbox because it makes me uncomfortable personally, considering that I view him as a minor, and the game already puts him in situations and has him having discussions I find to be a bit icky already. This is more so because I have trauma relating to this sort of stuff and I would like my boundaries respected. I apologize again if I have violated or bullied anybody else over their views.

I’m definitely not saying to stop creating content, I still find the memes to be hilarious and everyone!s artwork thus far has been pretty good, and I’m glad to see people creating or consuming content that they enjoy, because that’s what being a fan is all about !! If your interpretation of Yuma is different than my own, then please, see it that way.

My issue isn’t with you, it’s with Kodaka, it’s with loli / shota bait, it’s with the passive sexualization of characterization belonging to minors, because I believe that it passively promotes the idea to objectify a minor in a light they don’t need to be objectified in. I hope you understand, just as I’m trying to be a bit more understanding with you all.

Regardless !! I appreciate the support and the feedback, I’ve had a ton of fun discussions and seen a lot of enjoyable content thus far. I don’t want anyone to give up, because this is basically the birthing stage of a fandom. Enjoy yourself, have fun, create and enjoy to your heart’s content. 💕✨🥂

[indelibletraces]

Chicago PD 10x8 “Under the Skin”

Random thoughts:

I love how lived in the house feels even though Kim, Adam, and Makayla have only been officially living there together for a short time.

I had been wondering how Chief O’Neil was going to respond to the revelation that his son is involved in sex trafficking. His only scene answered that - by burying his head in the sand and keeping the team too busy to investigate. During that conversation Voight’s calmness really stood out to me, and got me to thinking about his demeanor this entire season. Other than the first episode, when he was going off the rails after Anna’s death, we haven’t really seen him raise his voice or even have a heated discussion with anyone. Is this new passivity a result of what he went through with Anna’s death and Jay leaving? Is this some character growth or just the writers’ attempts to make Voight more PC by toning down his aggression even more than they have in the past?

When talking about the victim’s wounds Kim says, “Pains pretty bad. It’s hard to think straight.” The matter-of-fact and clinical way she states this shows to me the disconnect she has or wants to have with the trauma she experienced. At this point in the episode I’m not sure whether this is conscious or unconscious choice or her part.

I liked that even though he is going along with the chief’s order, Voight still found a way around him by putting Hailey in for “vacation.”

Atwater teasing Torres about his mom dropping him off at work was great. But the scene was made even better by Torres’ eye roll and smirk in response! These two are so much fun as partners - #oceanwater forever!

I thought it was ironic that during the interrogation the suspect swears on his “parents’ grave” that he didn’t commit the murders, because his parents being in the grave is what lead to his brother committing the murders in the first place.

The camera’s constant movement around Kim did a great job of making me feel the unease that Kim is going through during the case as her own past trauma resurfaces - creeping up on her in the killer’s apartment, circling around her waiting in the car on Adam.

I love how supportive Adam is as he questions if Kim is alright at the end, even as she falsely claims she is fine. It’s amazing to see how much Adam has grown since the early seasons of the show.

I love how multiple coincidences lead to the breakthrough in Sean’s case. Adam mentions to Kim about Sean taking a kid to Wisconsin among several others witness statements. Then Kim is so unsettled after the case and her flashbacks to her own horrible ordeal that she doesn’t go home, but instead goes to the off-book site where she admits to Hailey that she doesn’t even know why she is there. The case they just solved was all about why the killer was motivated to commit his crimes, so that leads to Kim questioning why Sean would do what he does. This causes her to look closer at the evidence wall and the rehabs in Wisconsin stand out. Then because of this whole sequence of coincidences she is able to connect Adam’s random comment to a piece of Sean’s past that Hailey wasn’t currently focused on. If Kim had not remembered Adam’s comment or just gone through that case who knows if or when they make the breakthrough in Sean’s case.

[firstprinced]

can you explain what taylor did that was not good? not a fan just curious lol

(because of my main fandom just fyi this is about swift) i’m gonna try to make this short and also assume that you know the basics of the situation

i think the radio silence thus far was not good and i do NOT mean she should have talked about the terrorist threat, i don’t think anyone expected that. even like a story of i see you and i appreciate you or im also very devastated, without any added info, would have made the people who were supposed to go to the vienna concert feel like hey, this is so insanely scary and also very sad but we are in this together. especially as the swifties in vienna turned it around themselves. so i feel for the people. i went to warsaw just before the vienna situation and when i try to imagine how the fans felt, i’m a little disappointed too.

and the statement’s first half was very good and then she went kinda passive aggressive, idk if she put her focus on the loud angry voices and not the 210k people as a whole but i just think it’s such bad pr. a fan wrote a better statement that i can’t find anymore sadly.

[tekka-dan]

*hugs* I’m sorry to hear about your family and hope you’re doing okay

thanks so much. I’ll be okay. I dealt with a breakup on my birthday, being told by my family that I was being “dramatic” as always. Thank goodness this year I found amazing people / friends and now refreshing new co workers (since I no longer work from home).

I lost my job a literal week after my birthday. I managed to turn around and start applying for new employment, which fell through and I was not working for two months. Then, my sister and cousins started nonsense with me the DAY I started my new job, resulting in me finally telling them off after realizing their advice was belittling and demeaning and not in anyway constructive / nourishing.

I spent my whole life letting people project onto me under the guise of “brutal honesty”. After my breakup and realizing how much anger I was holding in despite how nice I was the entire emotionally and verbally abusive situation, I decided never again will I sit back and let a person demean and destroy me mentally or emotionally and NOT speak my damn truth, because holding in that resentment trying to “keep the peace” landed me panic attacks and I was physically and violently ill and I couldn’t figure out why for YEARS.

That being said, I spoke my truth to my sister and cousins and it resulted in them showing their true colors that I was no longer color blind to. I cut them off and went about my merry way.

Then my dog passed away suddenly on November 6th and I dealt with my toxic family (mom and dad) whose miscommunication managed to almost stress me into an early grave. They manage to never be on the same page and live and breathe under the same damn roof. That same day, my brother (who I’m pretty sure is a sociopath, he lacks severe empathy and emotional intelligence for anyone other than himself and he’s entitled as hell) was passing by on the way in the house and my mom said “your sisters dog died, you want to share your condolences?” To which my brother sheepishly responded “her dog is the reason mine is dead, so no, I don’t care to do that.” His statement wasn’t true, “his” dog was one I actually took care of, he just claimed him, was hit by a car when he got out of our yard while the fence was being replaced. My brother held resentment towards my dog because he did not die during that event. My mom then went on to apologize for him, saying “I said it to him wrong and he got defensive.” Somehow and someway my brother gets off on any sort of accountability or responsibility. She apologized her way out of making him give me his condolences.

And last, I expressed to my mom that I won’t be attending family events due to my sisters remarks and behavior recently, it was a simple boundary and my mom became defensive and argumentative and then passive aggressive. She then must’ve told my father, because he then sent the following text message I posted. Not before he for some unknown reason center and involved my sister who had zero reason to be apart of anything that was happening, who also texted me some nonsense.

The result is they’re all blocked now. For how long? I’ll leave that up to chance. Right now my life is falling apart and my dads pissed off that he has to “hear about it”.

As if he’s ever been emotionally present, reliable or responsible. I’m so glad my ex leaving me taught me how to rely on myself, because I relied on my ex like a father figure and when he let me down just like my own dad it forced and triggered me to grow the fuck up and stop expecting other fuckers to act right.

I survived this hellish year while everyone blames me for feeling the way I do (because of what they’re doing and saying to me) and yet I’m “playing the victim”.

I’m never again going to allow narcissistic, selfish, entitled and bitch babies to disrespect me ever again.

Family or not, I never deserved the treatment those people have been dishing at me.

My brother gets Prince treatment while cursing out my parents, disrespecting them under their own roof and even getting away with inappropriate behavior / hobbies, but their daughter gets criticized, mocked, demeaned for showing her emotions over a heartbreaking situation that happened three weeks ago.

I’m done.

[latelyanobsession]

General HCs About Billy Hargrove

i just want to preface this before i get started that these headcanons are solely my opinion and are not meant to represent the lives, thoughts, or actions of trauma or abuse survivors or victims as a whole. they are solely an interpretation for billy’s character based on my observations. individuals who have endured or are still enduring traumatic and/or abusive situations all respond differently in order to best protect themselves and try to survive through their individual ordeals. there is no one correct way to respond to trauma, let alone chronic exposure to such.

*this is going to be a very long post

Communication Style

firstly. i think it’s important to start with billy’s communication style. being that billy communicates on a spectrum that swings from passive-aggressive to full on aggressive communication.

it is not entirely clear how much of a capacity billy once had or still has for assertive communication but most likely he was really only able to best use those skills with his mother and at a younger age in order to connect and have his needs met.

nowadays it is very hard to non-existent for billy to use assertive communication. 

for example, when talking to max about lucas. he could have assertively communicated that “i don’t feel good about you hanging out with him... i’m worried about you. you seem upset. ...i don’t like seeing you upset...seeing how upset he makes you, makes me angry and worried for you.”

but that’s not something billy can easily do. instead it’s much easier and (in his mind) effective for him to grab her, force max to look him in the eyes and scare her. to communicate with her in the same way that he is always talked to at home. he uses this same tactic on lucas later when he catches them together again. because how else will i be heard if max won’t listen to me?

over time he’s been exposed to and surrounded by communication styles from others (especially caregivers), that have failed to meet his needs and validate his emotions.

that have not listened to him. ignored his pleas. that tear him down, or even use his attempts to voice his needs as a grounds for attack. so he began to learn that communicating in an assertive manner is ineffective, pointless, and potentially dangerous.

he abandoned using ‘i statements’. figuring that no one gives a damn what he has to say unless he says it loudly and often at the expense of other’s feelings or needs. 

it has become the only way he feels he can be heard and adequately survive in his environment.

billy utilizes passive aggression when communicating with adults, particularly his father, present in his life

its these times where he feels powerless, stuck, or outright resentful. wanting to lash out but knowing there are heavy consequences attached. this is where he’s honed his passive-aggressive skills.

this can look like lying and saying things are ‘fine’ when anyone may have enough perception to ask him if something is wrong

smiling when he actually feels angry or annoyed, learning a long time ago that there are certain settings where he can’t fully lay into his anger

using sarcasm to deny or minimize problems in his life

but he also uses passive-aggressive communication in his calmer moments.

thinking about when he’s pressing max about ‘the mormons’ that he more than likely knew she was lying about.

i would also think there would be moments in which max may ask billy to get the milk from the fridge, which he would oblige. only to take a long drink directly from the carton before placing it on the table and stare at her, daring her to complain about it.

there is still a lot of aggression within these types of moments of communication from billy. featuring domination over others. the use of luring and sabotage to even the playing field (think his rivalry with steve) 

all serve as indirect paths to express his anger without needing to explode or not reaching that peak just yet.

but there is also a slight playfulness to his passive-aggression. a hint of humor. which may be indicative of his underlying personality.

he is also very generous with sly and back-handed compliments. and this style also allows him to remain aloof and reserved emotionally while interacting with those he chooses.

Emotion & Self-Regulation

billy has a lot of difficulty with his general self-regulation and emotions.

when he feels good. he’s good. when he doesn’t, then it’s a whole other story.

this all centers around his childhood development, the push and pull between his parents, their parenting styles, the domestic violence he witnessed, and the abuse he has suffered at his father’s hands.

his mother appears to have been an individual who was in tune with her own emotions and someone who actively encouraged billy to pursue the things he enjoyed in life. she appeared to be a person who let billy be freely expressive. and nurtured his emotional development.

conversely billy’s relationship and early rearing under neil appeared to be very different. neil seems to be one of those older generation parents that believed in a ‘tough love’ approach. not feeding and more likely cracking down on billy’s emotional needs and development. he seems to be a  domineering man, taking what he wants and expects from billy. and making one-sided decisions for his son’s ‘well-being’ without his consultation, such as enrolling him in baseball even if billy hates it, marrying a woman and replacing billy’s mother, and forcing billy to move across the country away from the only place he has ever known and the sole support system he may have had...

neil considers only long term goals, means to an end, and his own needs first. where billy tends to fall within those lines is never really neil’s concern as long as billy is compliant.

neil most likely leaned hard on billy to never cry or show sadness. possibly punishing him at times when he cried. attributing that to being ‘girly’, a ‘sissy’, or in all other ways linking such kinds of emotions to being feminine or homosexually adjacent as was seen in billy’s memories about the baseball scene.

neil started molding and conditioning billy from a young age to ignore his emotional needs and to only cling to anger. that anger is a ‘manly’ emotion. and that men don’t get emotional. that men stand and fight. only ‘pussies’ run away.

this set billy up to become the volcano that we see in season 2. that it is hard for him to identify distinct feelings beyond calm or angry. and that he becomes very distressed when he cannot maintain control as was the time when he broke down after neil attacked him.

he’s been raised thinking that he has access to only one emotion. that all other paths have been blocked off or demolished. that giving in to tears is weakness. and feeling sad or stressed makes one vulnerable. and billy knows from years of experience that he cannot allow himself to be these things. so he has to channel these feelings into anger. even if it comes at the expense of hating himself.

and although he knows how destructive his anger is. he knows it drives and has driven people away. he has gotten into trouble countless times because of it. what else does he have? nothing. he feels he has nothing at all.

so he tries. he stuffs it down. he keeps stuffing it down. smiling and biting it back until there’s just too much. and he explodes.

it takes so much effort for him to just keep everything held in that by the time everything reaches a fever pitch, he feels immensely overwhelmed and there’s no turning back.

whether he feels scared, powerless, defensive, hurt, anxious, betrayed... the underlying feelings all feed into that one mask emotion that neil has trained him and openly encouraged him to use. because he’s a pussy if he doesn’t throw his fists. if he isn’t bloody and battered. if he lets the other man walk away...

and in the aftermath does he feel better? mostly yes. the pain, the fear, whatever it was has been driven off or kept at bay for the time being. he’s exhausted. he’s protected himself. he doesn’t really understand the mechanisms behind why he feels better, but he doesn’t question it. better is better, end of discussion.

Boundaries

boundaries are something that billy has the capacity to recognize and respect in others. but there are times in which maintaining strong boundaries and reminding him of them may be necessary.

for instance, he tends to violate or push on max’s boundaries at times making her feel unsafe. making her feel like she does not have choices or a voice in what friends she can see, or how late she can stay out, etc.

billy most likely has an easier time respecting the boundaries of others (outside of his family unit) than he does trying to maintain his own boundaries. but he definitely transfers some of the boundary issues that he sustains down to his sister.

being raised and living in an environment where one’s boundaries are not respected. where they are violated on a constant basis. where they are torn down and trodden upon. 

it can be very hard to recognize that just because a person (such as neil) has expectations of billy, does not mean that boundaries such as feeling safe, being able to say ‘no’ or opt out, being heard when one speaks, making one’s own decisions, or living the life one wants, has to have consequences attached...

Help-seeking, Self-Reliance, & Trust

billy has a lot of difficulty with help-seeking, and instead is heavily self-reliant.

over the years he has learned that it causes him less trouble, and it is often times less dangerous when he avoids bringing others into his life.

he exhibited help-seeking when he called his mother to come get him... and when she didn’t, when she couldn’t fully explain why she had left without him, that planted the seed.

billy started recognizing early that people couldn’t readily be trusted. that the people who say they love you or are supposed to love and protect you can be liars.

that the only person he could 100% trust was himself, and himself only.

that trying to reach out to others to save him, or to help him in even just a small capacity either tended to fail him or bring him greater trouble

and so he stopped asking. he began looking only to himself.

there are times when his self-reliance can backfire. for instance, when looking for max. he could have called around, sought help from others, instead of being self-reliant and turning over every rock in town until he got to the byers household. but billy is so certain that others cannot be trusted with his tasks that it doesn’t register to him that there might’ve been simpler (and less dangerous) ways to have found max.

billy’s final attempt at help-seeking was when he shared his memories with El about the Mind Flayer, trusting her (beyond his normal capacity) and reaching out to find him before the Mind Flayer’s final plan could be completed.

Power & Control

billy’s home environment and the dynamic that he has with his father plays out the most in dynamics of power and control, as well as in his other environments. 

namely feeling powerless and controlled at home and fighting to being powerful and controlling everywhere else.

billy has little power and control when he is at home. when he is with max, he takes what he can get. whether that’s with arguing, threatening and then leaving her to skateboard home from school, only giving her an hour at the arcade when she might be able to be there longer, or other avenues...

and when billy is around others? such as steve, or at parties... he seizes the opportunity

whenever there is an opening for billy to take power, to seize control of a situation or to overpower another he will sink his fangs in like a starved dog and hold on for dear life.

this can look like being overly possessive of friend’s/significant other’s attentions or monopolizing their time. and possibly sabotaging or scaring away others who could threaten his position or standing.

resource guarding items like his car, a coveted gym locker, or coveted social title such as being the ‘keg king’

Physical Touch & Intimacy

billy most likely engages in physical touch with others in ways that are more impersonal and trivial. being very reserved and offering just enough of himself to get by in his daily life, such as giving a handshake or allowing himself to be hugged or patted on the back because its socially expected...

his knowledge base of physical touch and intimacy, as well as what he may have witnessed between his parents have preset his expectations for what he feels exists and awaits him in intimate and interpersonal relationships.

this may easily come into conflict with popular media, television, movies, songs, etc that he consumes that paints perfect couples and perfect families. people that never fight. who get along. who are deeply in love. who are consistently kind and affirming to one another. it flies in the face of his waking reality. so it just has to be all a fairytale. because he’s never seen it with his own eyes....

when confronted with physical touch that he hasn’t initiated, billy will immediately rebuff it. attempts or offerings of intimacy feel disingenuous or like a trap.

actions such as consistent eye contact, hand-holding, close physical proximity, etc. he has difficulty processing. firstly, because he’s so accustomed to having touch translate to violence in his life. secondly, the last time someone (his mother) offered him such contact freely and not under false pretenses, she left. so it ultimately became a betrayal. so there may be an underlying reluctance to accept invitations of physical touch for fear that the shoe will once again drop. the scenario feels too familiar... billy doesn’t want to get harmed again.

it is not clear, but the show provides billy with lines alluding to a promiscuous lifestyle, which also clues into the need to keep others at a distance. switching up partners whenever someone gets too attached. maintaining a facade but also trying to simultaneously fill a void by bed-hopping. billy figures he won’t have time to be lonely or think about it if he at least keeps himself busy...

Toxic Masculinity

thanks to his father, billy has internalized a lot of the central tenets of toxic masculinity and what all a man ‘should’ and ‘should not’ be.

the majority of the damage done surrounds billy’s self-image, his deficits in emotional fluency and expression, and his sexuality and sexual expression and how it may conflict with the traditional and narrow definitions of masculinity vs. femininity that he was raised on. 

as he’s grown and learned more about himself and others in the world around him, those views may start to feel constricting and/or confining. 

viewing the world through his father’s hateful bigoted eyes is not the way he wants to see things and he has been slowly unlearning all the habits and mindsets that have caused him harm. you get small hints of this (not much the writing between S3 - 4 got wonky)... but it would appear that billy’s relationship with max was shifting, that possibly his emotional intelligence was expanding as well, shedding some of the toxins that neil had instilled in him since he was young. we cannot be sure... but i had that impression.

Self-Expression

it feels like you really get some good peeks at billy under all the layers of trauma and protective mechanisms through his self-expression

clearly loves his music. 

i’m not entirely sure what a kid’s room would be set up like in the 80′s, but i think it says a lot to how much he likes his music that he has a set of speakers and a triple tape deck in his room. that’s not something i’d expect a kid to have directly in their bedroom, and aside from maybe eddie... it seems like most of the other ST kids do not keep music equipment in their rooms. so he’s definitely dedicated to controlling, curating, and listening to his music and his alone. he keeps headphones nearby for when he has to be quiet on neil’s behalf...

he probably owns more cassettes than clothes, and buys the newest one on his wishlist when he gets the first chance.

billy also derives a lot of power, self-confidence, and self-identification from the music he listens to 

he’s a bit messy but it could be worse.... and if anything it may be purposeful, a way to smokescreen and keep his father from snooping into his stuff. keep the room just messy enough...because ‘boys are messy’

billy definitely collects mementos, concert ticket stubs, old pictures, if he found a piece of driftwood during a perfect day at the beach? you bet he kept that sucker and hid it away. he is shit with words, but having those physical reminders that can root him back in small and positive moments. he will do everything he can to keep neil from finding them.

his clothing, hair, and physique. billy puts a fair amount of effort into his ‘look’. he works out regularly, is on the school basketball team. spends a decent amount of time in front of his mirror preening before a date... he cares about how he appears to others. this could be yet another mask. wanting to keep the world out. if i look fine, then i am fine. if i look tough, than i am tough. etc. but being a teenager it is also likely that he cares about himself and he truly wants to be found attractive by his peers and have a somewhat healthy sense of self-esteem despite what he has to deal with. if i look fine.... if i have friends... if i can attract an s/o... than everything is fine.

drinking, smoking, other substance use (possibly), billy’s habits surrounding the use of substances is worrying and suggests that he is trying to cope with the stressors in his life through maladaptive means. in the 80s cigarettes were still relatively cheap, ranging from 70 - 85 cents a pack, and the drinking age in most states could vary from 18 - 21. the federal drinking age wasn’t enacted to 21 years until 1984. it is entirely possible that he had easy access to both alcohol and cigarettes through friends or possibly neil.

driving and his car. billy’s car is yet another form and maybe one of the best forms of his self-expression. it’s big, loud, and imposing. his 1979 chevy camaro was and still is a coveted muscle car that many people, including myself, will stop dead and stare at. it calls attention just by existing. but billy won’t let there be a sliver of a chance that someone ignores him when he’s in it. he drives fast, impulsive, and recklessly. it’s all a spectacle and a rush. one of the few times when he feels like he may truly be alive and nothing and no one can take him down.

Fears

billy doesn’t have many fears. he probably should have more, but having been subjected to close to a decade of direct abuse from his father, there isn’t much that he can be afraid of. his father has already taken so much from him.

the things that billy is afraid most of are the things that he takes active measures to avoid. and that mainly involves getting close to others.

at the root of it billy has fears of abandonment, rejection, and ultimately the fear of being unloveable.

so he keeps people at arms length. he doesn’t invest in relationships. it wouldn’t be surprising if billy has never held a meaningful relationship for this sole reason.

it’s a lot shorter of a fall to rock bottom if he’s the one pushing people out and the one leaving first. 

billy never forgot or forgave how it felt for his mother to leave him and he never wants to be in that vulnerable of a state ever again. he will sabotage and burn every single bridge if he has to if it means avoiding that.

on the off chance that billy would be involved with an s/o his biggest and present fear would be worrying that they would leave him, find someone better, or reject him. his thoughts especially in the early points of a relationship would be flooded and preoccupied with rumination and worry that this fear would happen, especially if any kinds of ambiguous events happened, such as their s/o answering a call and not telling him who it was, or them suddenly becoming distant without an explanation. that would just confirm to him these fears. he has most likely scuttled a handful of budding relationships because of this to try and spare himself from what felt like the inevitable.

[mindninjax]

Cold as Ice

Prohero!Bakugo x Reader

Warnings: 18+ smut, Make Up sex, Car sex, A little angst cuz they arguing

WC: 2.1k

A/n: This came to me while I was driving home from a friend's house and I came home and feverishly wrote it all out. It's unedited to fully match the manic energy I had when writing it and also because fuck it amirite?

You’re as cold as ice.

The radio plays loudly in the car as you speed down the dark highway, eyes forward and focused on the road ahead. Your jaw is clenched, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance and your fists tighten on the steering wheel as you drive. The air is cold despite the heat being on full blast in the car, but your silence and icy demeanor is enough to bring a chill to anyone.

That is anyone other than your husband, who is next to you steaming in the passenger seat. He leans against the window away from you, a fist balled up and resting under his chin as he gazes at the cars and dark trees that speed by.

He huffs a loud annoyed breath out, passive aggressively trying to let you know he is in fact upset with you and you pointedly place your hand on the knob of the volume button to turn it up and drown out his noise. You exaggerate each movement making sure he knows exactly what you’re doing, as if he couldn’t pick up on it.

Your husband, Katsuki Bakugo, is known for his temper, being set off by the tiniest things in his youth and he’s never been able to fully grow out of that persona as he became a famous pro hero. But it has nothing on the absolute terror that is your cold calculating anger. It’s true, you don’t get angry at him much, but when you do, even Katsuki will admit it is terrifying. He usually is quick to solve the problem, wanting only to see you smile again or at the very least allow him to touch you again.

Tonight is a different story.

Tonight he stews in his anger, letting the scene that caused this little spat to start, plague his mind. Your hand on that damn Half and Half Bastard’s arm, you hugging him and smiling at him, you spending most of your night talking to him even though Katsuki was right fucking there. Yes he gets that Todoroki is your childhood best friend, but did you have to talk about how the two of you used to play like you were married when you were 5?

He glances over at you, watching your fists tighten even more on the steering wheel and the dial on the speedometer climb drastically. He knows pushing your buttons will only make the situation worse and he knows if he does you’ll get ruthless, say something you will surely regret and so will he, but the consequences don’t set in fast enough for him so he reaches for the volume dial to turn it down and grunt at you.

“Slow the fuck down before you kill us.”

You don’t turn your head, you don’t even blink, completely unphased by his statement you reach for the dial, putting it between your thumb and index finger and spit back at him with a voice full of venom, “Shut the fuck up Katsuki. I know what I’m doing,” before turning the volume back up.

Oh cursing and using his full name. You’re really pissed. Katsuki shrugs internally, so what? He’s that pissed too. What did all those people think when you’d told that story about you and Todoroki being kids. He knows what they thought, that Katsuki Bakugo, the number 2 hero, couldn’t even keep his wife happy enough not to want to fuck her best friend. Or at least entertain the idea of marrying her childhood best friend.

Why couldn’t you understand how that made him feel? You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He’s told you that so many times. Can’t you see how devastating it would be for him to see you in some other man’s arms? Especially Todoroki’s.

He will admit he probably shouldn’t have lost his cool in front of the 30 other people at the party. He’d embarrassed you for sure and ruined the birthday toast you were in the middle of when his little outburst took place. The two of you had had to leave early from the party and now here you sit, angrily driving home, not speaking.

“Really? Well you could’ve fucking fooled me. You’re 15 over the speed limit. You’d think being married to a pro hero, you’d know the law better,” he says turning the volume down again.

“I would’ve thought being married to a pro hero would mean that he would act like a goddamn adult instead of a jealous idiotic child, so I guess we’re both fucking fools.”

Still no glance from you, but your words are biting, clipped and meant to sting with every syllable and it succeeds. You’re good at that. He narrows his eyes at you, anger building up inside him as you turn a corner sharply.

“I was acting like a child?!? You were hanging all over another man all night tonight like you were his fucking fangirl or something! You were the one reliving childhood memories! What, you wanna go back to being a child so you can fantasize about being in love with him again? Fine! But I ain’t just gonna sit and watch you do that shit!” He’s yelling now, fully enraged and ready to let out the bubbling emotion he’s been sitting on the entire car ride.

You’re almost back home now and for the first time since the two of you entered the car, you turn your angry gaze upon him. You’re stopped at a stop sign a few blocks from your home.

“Are you fucking kidding me Katsuki? We were kids! Shoto is my best friend, that’s never changed. It’s always been a fact. And you’re jealous of a story I told about us pretending to be married when we were five?”

A car beeps their horn behind you as you speed away toward your house. Katsuki is glaring at you, honing in on your use of the word “jealous”. As if he would ever be jealous of fucking Icy Hot. He’s about to give a rebuttal but you beat him to the punch, raising your voice and commanding his attention.

“What do I have to do Katsuki? What the fuck else do I need to do to show you how much I love you? Tell me! If I need to suck your dick right here right now to help you understand how much I love you, I’ll do it! Everything I do, I do for you and for us! We are married, Katsuki! Til death do us part! How fucking dare you ever insinuate that I would break that bond and that promise I made to you?!”

There are hot tears running down your cheeks as you scream at him. As you finish your rant you pull into the driveway, put the car in park and turn to face him. He watches you in shock, his face is almost mortified. In the few years the two of you have been married he has never once been the reason you cried. He reaches a hand out to stroke your cheek but you jerk out of his reach.

He takes a deep breath trying to calm himself before he reaches out again, ignoring your wince away from him again. He grabs your face and brings it close to his to look into your eyes.

His eyes burn into yours and he takes another deep breath before saying, “I know how much you love me ok? I know how amazing of a woman you are and it always scares the shit out of me because… I know you could have anyone. I...I’m sorry Princess.”

“I don’t want ‘anyone’ Katsu. I want you. That’s why I married you. I’m sorry if the story made you uncomfortable and if it did that’s something you should've talked to me about when it was just us and we could’ve worked to figure it out together,” you say sniffling and trying to pull out of his grip again.

He doesn’t let you move, only keeps your face close to his and wipes your tears from your cheeks.

“I know. I’m sorry. I don’t ever want to insult you like that again, and I never want to be the reason you cry like this either. I love you.”

He says this seriously looking to your eyes as if to promise you, make it a vow. He kisses you then, his lips melting against yours as you lean more into the kiss and give in to your husbands intoxicating flavor.

He puts a large hand behind your head pushing you into his mouth and plunging his tongue into your open mouth. You moan into his mouth, biting his bottom lip as he softly growls against yours.

“Let me make it up to you baby, please” he says, grabbing your hips and pulling you out of the driver's seat and into his lap.

You move willingly hiking your leg up in your long tight dress to straddle him. You wrap your arms around his neck and he kisses down your jaw line nipping at the soft skin on your neck and running his tongue over your clavicles.

You’re both breathing heavily and the air in the car quickly turns steamy. You grind down on him moaning as you feel the tent in his pants grow. Your long fingernails rake through his soft thick hair and he grunts when you pull the hair at the nape of his neck to bring his lips back to yours.

His hands drop to your hips, pushing them down on him as he lifts his hips to grind up into you. His fingers clumsily find the hem of your dress to pull it up and expose your thick thighs. His fingers dig into them before snaking around to cup your ass and slap it gently. You purr, matching the sound of the quiet engine of the car you accidentally kept running.

“Katsu...please,” you plead against his lips as his fingers loop through the black lace thong you’re wearing under your sparkly red gown. Your hands move down his chest to unbutton the dress slack he’s wearing. His cock pops free the moment you’ve given it it’s freedom and he’s already leaking with precum.

Your hand grips him tightly, slowly moving down his shaft and he groans your name, laying his forehead against your chest. He’s able to lift you and pull your thong to the side, lining his thick cock head up with your entrance. You whimper as you feel him pull you down upon him, stretching you as your ass meets his thighs.

“Fuck… fuck princess you feel so good.”

Katsuki believes nothing in the entire world will ever feel better than your pussy gripping him, welcoming him and milking his cock dry. He fucks up into you, listening to your sweet moans as he picks up speed. Your nails dig into his back and you bite down into his shoulder.

Every thrust is so deep it feels like he’s in your stomach and it makes you quiver and clench around him. You bounce on his cock, letting your ass slap against his balls as you build up to your orgasm. The windows in the car have completely fogged up now and the only tell that the two of you are indulging in each other’s pleasure is the slight bounce of the car on it’s rims.

Katsuki’s pace quickens as you grind and draw circles with your hips on top of him. He pulls your face from the crook of his neck to look into your eyes again, wanting to see your face.

“Tell me you’re mine. Tell me this pretty pussy belongs to me,” he says grunting and matching his pace to each word.

You can barely speak as he plunges into you, hitting your g-spot every single time perfectly. But you open your eyes to look at him.

“I’m yours Katsu. This pussy is yours. All yours, no one else's!”

“Good girl,” he says before you both snap. You cry out holding him closely as he thrusts up into you once more and holds it there, flexing his thighs to keep himself embedded inside you and paint your womb white.

Your hand slaps against the glass of the window, making a dripping handprint as you clench and climax on your husband’s dick. You’re both catching your breath and placing small kisses on each other's necks when you hear two raps on the window and your neighbor’s voice worriedly asking if everything’s ok.

You giggle before raising your voice a bit to reassure her that everything’s fine. You’re sure you and Katsuki will be totally fine after this.

--

[criminalmindzjunkie]

Reassurance

masterlist

part one

Summary: Spencer feels insecure, and Reader puts his worries to rest. 

A/N: I got several requests to write a follow-up to Avoidance , and after writing almost the whole entire thing, only to scrap it all because it was literal trash, here we are! I initially planned to go a different route with this, but it didn’t flow right and I ended up changing the entire plot line somewhere along the way. I really like how this turned out, and I hope you guys enjoy it, too!

Pairing: sub!Spencer/femdom!Reader

Content warnings: cursing, Spencer being insecure, hand job, oral sex (male receiving), anal fingering, pegging, light degradation, Spencer experiencing sub-drop

Word Count: 6k

           Spencer’s lips drag against mine at a slow, deliberate pace as I sit perched on his lap, my hands tugging lightly at where his hair curls at the nape of his neck. One particularly harsh tug has Spencer gasping into my mouth and tightening his grip on my hips, pulling me down until I’m fully sat on his lap. The bulge tenting his slacks comes in full contact with my clothed core and I hum appreciatively against his lips.

           “Getting excited there, baby?”

           Spencer lets out a whine of protest when I pull away, leaning forward in an attempt to reunite our lips. I press my hand flat against his chest and push him back until he rests against the couch cushions.

           “I thought you wanted to watch a movie tonight?” I ask him, my lips curled up into a knowing smile. Spencer’s thumbs begin to rub soothing circles into my hips as he fixes me with a shy smile.

           “Maybe later,” he replies, sheepish. He looks breathtaking - bathed in the soft glow of the lamp light, shadows dancing across every perfectly chiseled inch of his face. Faint purple bruises dot the underside of his jaw line, remnants of the last time we had been afforded enough time to get tangled up under the bedsheets. I press my thumb to one of them, applying just enough pressure to cause Spencer’s breath to hitch. In another day or two, the purple and yellow discoloration would be gone, leaving no trace of our time together.

           I release my hold on his jaw and make a mental note to see to it that he has another set of pretty marks before the weekend is over.

           “Later?” I lift the hand that was splayed across his chest until I’m able to fiddle with the top button on his dress shirt. “You talk as if you have something else you’d like to do first. Care to share?”            Spencer squirms underneath my gaze, eyes flitting between my lips and where I’m pressed firmly against his erection. I watch him flounder to come up with a response before deciding to forgo words completely and rut himself against me, eyelids fluttering closed as he lets out a low whine.

           I click my tongue at him and raise up until my center hovers over him, torturously close but not quite close enough to touch.

           “What’s the matter, Doctor? It’s not like you to be at a loss for words,” I taunt as I pop open the last three buttons of his shirt. Now that the milky white skin of his chest is on full display, I waste no time in dragging my fingernails from his collarbone down to his navel, light and teasing. The action elicits a shiver from Spencer, who looks up at me with glossy eyes and blown pupils.

           “P-Please,” he stutters out.

           “Please, what?” I prod, cocking my head to the side. “Tell me what you want, baby.”

           Spencer’s tongue pokes out to run across his bottom lip.

           “I want you,” he breathes out, low and sultry. “Now. Don’t wanna wait.”

           I let out a pleased sigh as I lean forward to capture Spencer’s lips in a heated kiss. Spencer’s quick to reciprocate, eagerly licking into my mouth as soon as my lips brush against his.

           It’s not long until I feel the hands on my waist begin to tug me back down onto his lap, eliciting a giggle from me.

           “Such a needy little thing,” I murmur against his lips.

           Usually, a comment like this would be met by some sort of mumbled affirmation. But this time, as soon as the words leave my mouth, I feel Spencer’s whole body tense up beneath me.

           “Does… Does that bother you?”

           I pull away and give Spencer an inquisitive look.

           “Does what bother me?”

           Spencer averts his eyes, “That I’m so submissive.” He spits the word out like it burns his mouth – like it’s something to be ashamed of – and I can’t suppress my frown.

           “Why would that ever bother me?”

           Spencer gives a feeble shrug of his shoulders, still refusing to pull his gaze from where it rests on the floor.

           “I read an article in Psychology Today that discussed a survey in which 172 German adults completed a personality questionnaire and then measured their own preference for a dominant partner. Not only was the general consensus that both genders prefer dominant partners, the participants also agreed with statements like ‘a very nice partner is often boring’ and ‘I feel attracted to assertive partners.’ So, it’s only natural that you might get tired of me always being such a pushover and search for a more exciting partner than can keep you stimulated-”

           I clamp my hand down on Spencer’s mouth, effectively ending his self-deprecating rant and forcing him to look up from where his eyes were burning a hole into the floor. When I know he isn’t going to try and continue down that particularly awful train of thought, I remove my hand.

           “First of all, you are not a pushover. Insinuating that you are a pushover would also be insinuating that I’m taking advantage of you. Do you feel like I’m taking advantage of you?” Spencer’s eyes grow wide and he frantically shakes his head.

           “Absolutely not. I… I love what you do to me – with me. What we do together. I-I just want to be sure that you like it to. That you’re not just humoring me until someone who can actually give you what you want comes around.”

           I feel my mouth fall open from shock somewhere during the middle of his spiel. He can’t actually be so oblivious to the fact that I enjoy the hell out of our sex life, can he?

           Apparently, he can and he is, because Spencer takes my silence as affirmation.

           “I could try? To d-dom you, that is. I’ve been reading up on it and-”

           “Spencer, where on earth did this come from?”

           Spencer blinks hard, “I told you – I read it in Psychology Today.”

           I shake my head at him and slip off of his lap and onto the couch cushion beside him.

           “No, that’s not what I meant. What made you think that I’m not happy with our sex life?”

           “N-Nothing in particular,” Spencer stammers. “I just know that I’m not exactly the most masculine guy, and I want to make sure that you’re, you know… happy. With me.”

           And there it is.

           I reach for Spencer’s hand and link our fingers together.

           “This wouldn’t have anything to do with that comment Derek made this morning, would it?” Spencer doesn’t answer, but the way his eyes drop to his lap tells me everything I need to know. I tighten my grip on his hand. “You know he was just messing with you, right? As out of line as it was, he was just being… Derek.”

           “He wasn’t wrong, though. I am extremely docile – along with a litany of other very passive traits. I’m not strong or assertive or confident like Derek; I’m basically the complete opposite of the ideal male partner. All I’m good for is spouting out information that’s only sometimes useful. No wonder you don’t want to-” Spencer clamps his mouth shut and his cheeks burn red. “Forget it. C-Can we pretend this conversation never happened?”

           “No wonder I don’t want to what?” I prod, brows furrowed in confusion. But still, Spencer refuses to meet my eyes. “And as far as all the other stuff goes, it doesn’t matter if you’re assertive or strong. I prefer my sweet, gentle boy over guys like Derek Morgan, any day. My ideal male partner just so happens to be pretty boys with curly brown hair and massive IQs, not aggressive alpha males with overinflated egos.” I bring Spencer’s hand up to my lips and place a gentle kiss on his knuckles. “I’m being serious, Spence. There’s a lot to love about you.”

           Spencer’s next words are hushed, so quiet that I almost don’t hear him when he says, “Then why haven’t you told anyone about us yet?”

           In the two months since our first time together, neither of us had been brave enough to broach the subject of what exactly we were doing. With neither of us quite sure how to go about defining the relationship, we’d fallen into a sort of routine. Whenever it came time to pair off for the night and retreat to our hotel rooms, Spencer and I always made sure that we were paired together. Hotch never seemed to care – he was just happy that we weren’t walking on eggshells around each other anymore - and the others were kind enough to keep their suspicions to themselves. On the weekends, or really any time that we weren’t working a case, time off was spent in each other’s company, be it at Spencer’s place or mine. Days full of impromptu adventures to farmer’s markets and niche antique shops devolved into passionate nights spent learning every inch of each other’s skin until no stone was left unturned. It was the perfect arrangement.

           Or at least it would’ve been, if Spencer and I hadn’t managed to fall half way in love somewhere along the way. It was glaringly obvious early on that it was way more than just sexual chemistry that kept us both coming back for more, but owning up to that fact was a whole other issue that neither of us was ready to deal with.

           Until now, apparently.

           “I-I mean, we haven’t talked about what exactly this is, so I wasn’t quite sure how to go about that,” I stammer. “But now that you’ve brought it up…”

           Spencer finally looks up and his eyes are filled to the brim with equal parts fear and hope.

           “I-I really want there to be an us,” he whispers. “I kind of thought that much was obvious.”

           “And I thought the fact that I have absolutely zero complaints in the bedroom was obvious, but here we are,” I tease, and Spencer lets out an involuntary giggle when I poke at his side. “I want there to be an us, too. And for what it’s worth, I like you just the way you are, Spencer Reid - just so we’re clear.”

           “Really?” Spencer persists. From anyone else, it would seem like they were fishing for compliments, but from Spencer? I knew my sweet, darling boy just needed some reassurance.

           I lean forward and capture his lips in a long, languid kiss.

           “Really really,” I mumble when I pull away. “Have I done a thorough enough job drilling that into your head, or do you need some more convincing?”

           “More convincing,” Spencer replies as he ducks in for another kiss. “Lots and lots of convincing.”

           I smile against his lips, “That’s good to hear, because I sorta had a little something special planned for you.”

           “Something special?”

           I slide my hand from its place on his knee until my fingers glide across the tip of his clothed cock.

           “Remember that thing we talked about last week?”

           I can feel the way Spencer’s cock twitches under my hand and I have to bite back a smile.

           “Y-Yeah?”

           I give his bulge a light squeeze that has Spencer moaning low in his throat.

           “Only if you want to. There’s no pressure at all. I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with. I’d be perfectly fine if you just wanna watch that movie and cuddle a bit - you know that right?”

           “Yes, but I still want to,” Spencer chokes out. “Very, very much.” And then he’s bringing a hand up to cup my face before slotting our lips together again.

           The kiss is sloppy, seeing as we’re both much too excited to worry about being precise. Spencer spends time exploring my body with his free hand, starting at my hips and then dipping underneath my t-shirt. Spencer’s hand is just shy of skimming over my bra when I pull back and he lets out a frustrated whine when I pull his hands off of me.

           “I wanna ask you a few things before we do this, okay, baby?” Spencer flushes a deep crimson as he nods. “Have you ever experimented with any sort of anal play before?”

           “N-No, I haven’t. Is that okay?”

           Spencer Reid, you are going to be the death of me.

           “That’s perfectly fine, sweet boy,” I coo. “I’m just trying to get a feel for what’s going to be the most comfortable for you. We’ll start small and work our way up, okay?” Spencer nods, prompting me to tack on an, “Assuming that you want to, that is. This is all on your terms, and I need to make sure that you know that nothing’s going to happen that you don’t expressly consent to first.”

           Spencer’s lips pull up into a sweet smile.

           “I know, and I trust you,” he says. “And I consent to it. To all of it.”

           “You’re gonna have to be a little bit more specific than that,” I chuckle. “What exactly are you consenting to?”

           Spencer shifts in his seat, “Y-You know.”

           “Yes, but I want to hear you say it, baby.”

           Spencer gulps hard, “I-I want you to fuck me. Please.”

           I let out a satisfied hum and remove my hand from Spencer’s lap.

           “I want you to go to the bedroom and take off all your clothes. Then I want you to lie in the center of the bed and if I walk in and see you touching yourself, I’ll walk right back out and I won’t touch you for a month. Are we clear?”

           “Y-Yes, Miss.”

--

           I spend much longer than necessary in the living room, sitting on the couch and scrolling through my phone for nearly ten minutes before getting up and making my way to the bedroom. The anticipation is half of the fun, in my opinion, and I take great pleasure in imagining Spencer squirming against the sheets, desperate for me to walk through that door.

           I rid myself of my skirt and blouse as I make my way down the hallway, leaving me in only my panties and bralette. I can hear Spencer’s heavy breathing before I even reach the bedroom, and it makes my stomach flip excitedly as I push open the door.

           Spencer lays in the middle of the bed, hands grabbing at the sheets as he rolls his hips in vain. His cock stands painfully hard, leaking precum and bobbing up and down with every motion of his hips. Spencer doesn’t see or hear me when I come in – his eyes are closed tight and his bottom lip is nestled between his teeth, blissfully oblivious as he ruts up into nothing.

           “It seems like my poor, needy boy has worked himself up into quite a state.”

           The sound of my voice startles him and he immediately halts the movement of his hips. Spencer’s eyes watch on and I walk over to the night stand, taking my time as I remove a bottle of lube, my harness, and the newly purchased dildo bought especially for my sweet boy.

           Spencer’s eyes linger on the silicone member, wide and curious as I set the items on the bed and crawl in between his legs. He spreads his legs without being prompted, leaving him completely exposed to me, and the action makes my heart swell with pride. My good boy has learned so much in the past two months.

           “M’gonna suck that pretty cock of yours now, and I want you to keep your hips still. Can you do that for me, baby?”

           Spencer nods frantically, “Y-Yes, Miss. Please – I need your mouth. I’ll be still, I promise.”

           I let out a pleased hum as I take him into my hand, dragging my fist up and down, spreading precum across the entirety of his length.

           “I know you will, baby. You’re always so good for me. So eager to please.”

           I lean down and begin placing kisses to the sensitive skin of his thighs, all while continuing to work my hand against him. I nip lightly at the skin above his right hip and Spencer sucks in a ragged breath when I suck a pretty purple bruise in the very same spot. It contrasts starkly with his porcelain skin, and I enjoy the way it looks so much that I continue until a plethora of love bites litter his inner thighs. When I finally sit back and admire my work, Spencer’s writhing so pitifully against the mattress that I decide to put him out of his misery.

           Spencer devolves into a whimpering mess the moment I take his tip into my mouth, his head thrashing wildly against the mattress when I swirl my tongue around him. I take my time with him, not at all rushing my descent onto his cock, choosing instead to tease him with a slow, steady pace. If Spencer minded my slower than usual pace, he didn’t say so. He was too busy choking out an unrelenting string of the most wanton moans I’d ever heard as he watched himself disappear into my mouth.

           I decide now is as good a time as any to up the ante and I pull my mouth away from him.

           “W-Why did you stop?” Spencer stutters, chest heaving up and down.

           I raise an eyebrow at him, “Are you being ungrateful, Doctor? Because if you are, I could always just leave you here like this - cock hard and leaky with no way to get off other than your own hand. That wouldn’t be nearly as fun as having me fuck that pretty little ass of yours.”

           “No, please! I’m so sorry,” Spencer mewls. “I’ll be good, just please don’t leave!”

            I loosely grasp Spencer’s cock in my hand and run my thumb across his slit.

           “You sound so pretty when you beg, baby. I can’t wait to hear how pretty you are when you’re begging for me to fuck you harder.”

           Spencer’s eyes roll back into his head and his mouth hangs open, panting hard.

           “I want it so bad. Please, please, please, Miss.”

           I use my free hand to reach up and push two fingers into Spencer’s mouth, “Suck. I want them real nice and wet so that I can use them to get you ready for me.”

           Spencer moans around my fingers, laving his tongue around the them as he hollows his cheeks. When I retract my fingers from his mouth they’re practically dripping and I reward his effort by tightening my grip on his cock.

           “Good job, baby. Are you ready for me to finger that tight little hole of yours?” I ask him as I release his cock and grab the bottle of lube. I drizzle a healthy amount onto my fingers before dragging one across his puckered hole, eliciting a high-pitched cry from Spencer.

           “Yes!” Spencer gasps as he attempts to wiggle closer. “So ready for you, Miss. Use your f-fingers on me, please!”

           I start by slowly pressing one in, so as not to overwhelm him, and to my endless delight, it glides in almost effortlessly.

           “Already so ready for my fingers, Doctor. You sure you haven’t touched yourself here before?” I ask as I begin to work my finger in and out in slow thrusts.

           “N-Never. O-Only you,” Spencer stutters out between moans. “C-Can you add another, Miss?”

           I pull my finger out, only to add another and resume my efforts at a slightly faster pace. Spencer’s back arches up off the bed when my fingers brush against his prostate and he lets out a half startled, half delighted yelp.

           “Oh fuck!” Spencer moans as he grinds down onto my fingers. “Again, please, Miss!”

I comply, and with every press of my fingers against the fleshy bundle of tissue, Spencer’s body jolts from the sensation.

           “S’that feel good, baby? Do you like how my fingers feel?”

           “Oh, God, yes! F-Feels so good. Never felt like this b-before,” Spencer sobs. “I-I’m getting close, Miss.”

           “I didn’t say that you can cum, baby. I wanna save that for when I’ve got my cock buried inside you. How’s that sound?”

           “Y-Yes, Iwantitsobad,” Spencer slurs, his words running together as he draws nearer and near to the end. “Want you to fuck me, Miss! Please, I’ll do anything-”

           I take pity on him and withdraw my fingers, which makes Spencer keen in protest.

           “Calm down, greedy boy. Just gotta get ready so I can give you what you want.”

           I crawl off of the bed and step into the harness, fastening it in place and making sure that the dildo is secure before I crawl in between his legs. Spencer watches on with rapt fascination as I pour lube into my palm and work it over the silicone cock until every inch of it glistens.

           “What’s your color, baby?” I ask as rub the tip of the cock over his hole.

           Spencer’s breath catches in his throat and his whole-body tenses with anticipation.

           “So green, Miss. So fucking green,” Spencer whimpers.

           I raise a hand up to his hip and begin to rub soothing circles into the skin there.

           “Gonna need you to relax for me, sweetheart. Can you do that?”            Spencer bites his lip and nods his head. I watch as the tension begins to melt away, and when I see him relax back into the mattress, I bring up my hand to stroke his cock. I keep my touch light, barely applying pressure – I knew if I applied too much, Spencer wouldn’t be able to hold out longer than a few thrusts. He was already teetering on the edge as it was.

           Mine and Spencer’s eyes meet and he smiles up at me, dopey and drunk from pleasure, and it’s all the permission I need. I press into him slowly, and I’m left in awe as I watch Spencer Reid completely unravel beneath me.

           “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Spencer curses, head flying back and hitting the pillows. It never ceases to amaze me at how fucking responsive he is, and tonight is no exception. It’s like his body is a live wire, trembling beautifully as I press in further and further and further. I stop just shy of being fully sheathed inside him, trying to allow him a moment to adjust, but Spencer seems to have other plans.

           “Keep going, Miss, don’t stop, please! I want all of it, please give it to me! I can take it, please let me show you!”

           He looks up at me and those beautiful brown eyes are so wild, so positively feral that I can’t even entertain the idea of denying him any longer.

           Spencer looks positively ruined by the time I bottom out inside him. His hair sticks to the sheen of sweat that gathers on his forehead, and his lips look positively abused from the way he’s been biting down on them. His eyelids flutter closed every few seconds, and every time he blinks them back open, I’m able to see that his pupils are so blown that his eyes look almost black.

           I pull back until all that’s left inside him is the very tip of the cock, and just as he opens that bratty little mouth to beg for more, I give particularly harsh thrust of my hips until I’m fully sheathed inside him. Spencer lets out a surprised cry as I set an unforgiving pace, all the while still loosely jerking him off as I bury myself inside him again and again and again.

           “Yes, yes, yes, yes!” Spencer chants loudly, face contorted beautifully in an expression of pure ecstasy. I spare a brief thought to Spencer’s poor neighbors and make mental note to invest in a ball gag.

           “S’that feel good, baby? You look so pretty taking my cock like the good boy you are. My pretty little cock slut. Such a shame nobody’s fucked you like this before,” I hum as I focus my attention on the head of his cock, thumbing lightly at where he leaks for me.

           “D-Don’t want anyone else, just wanna be good for y-you. Wanna m-make you proud,” Spencer whines, tripping over his words as he struggles to form a coherent sentence. The sentiment sends a jolt of heat down to my already soaking core, but I do my best to ignore the slickness running down my thighs for the time being. Right now, my only focus is the boy chanting my name, praying for a type of salvation that only I can give him.

           I smile down at him and my hand drifts lower to where I’m steadily thrusting in and out of him. Spencer’s body jolts as the pad of my thumb brushes against the sensitive skin of his hole.

           “Of course, I’m proud of you. Look at how well you’re taking me, baby. It’s like you were made to take my cock,” I praise him.

           My words, mixed with the way I’m working both Spencer’s cock and his tight little ass, seem to be getting the better of him, because Spencer doesn’t even try to formulate a response. He just continues to let out strangled moans that almost sound like sobs as his hands grasp at the sheets until his knuckles turn white.

           It doesn’t take long until I feel the muscles in Spencer’s stomach and thighs begin to tense, and when his cock twitches in my hand I can tell Spencer won’t last much longer.

           “Are you gonna cum for me, baby?” I ask him as I grind my hips against his, and Spencer’s reply comes in the form of an incoherent, garbled moan.

           “What’s the matter, baby? Have I fucked you so stupid that you can’t answer me anymore?” I taunt him. I use the leverage I have from the hand placed on his hip to propel myself deeper. “Is my poor dumb baby incapable of replying?”

           Spencer makes a feeble attempt at a reply, “P-Please let me – f-fuck – cum! Oh, God, m’socloseMiss. Harder, please!”

           I take a minute to bask in the way he’s completely fallen apart at my hands - relishing in the way his eyes are glossy and dark with lust, in the way that his chest is flushed a deep red, and in the way that precum beads at the tip of his cock, aching for a release. He looks beautiful like this, whining and squirming, hips grinding down in search of more, more, more. I’d never imagined in a million years that I’d be so lucky as to see the illustrious Spencer Reid fucked absolutely senseless, but here he was, waiting for my permission to throw himself off the edge and into the best kind of oblivion.

           “Cum for me, pretty boy,” I say in the softest voice imaginable. “Show me how good you are.”

           The tension that had been steadily building since the first press of my lips against his snaps in an instant, and copious amounts of cum spurt out from his cock, painting his chest in thick, white ropes. Spencer chants out muddled thank yous as I fuck him through his release, pushing in and out of him in shallow strokes as slowly comes back down from the high.

           When his breathing slows down to a normal rate, I pull out of him, quickly freeing myself from the harness and tossing it aside to be dealt with later. I crawl up until I’m at eye level and begin pressing soft, sweet kisses to Spencer’s face.

           “You did so well, Spence,” I murmur against his skin. “You’re amazing, baby. Thank you so much for trusting me to be with you like that.”

           Spencer lifts a shaky hand to my hair and pulls me down into a heated kiss. I indulge him and pour every ounce of passion I have into my efforts, hoping to express my gratitude with every swipe of my lips against his. And when I pull away, my pretty boy smiles up at me, sated and full of adoration, and it’s beautiful.

           “D’you think you can handle taking a shower with me?” I ask as I pull away, and Spencer gives a shy nod in response. He sits up in the bed and swings his legs until his feet hit the floor. I’m just about to stand when his hand comes down on my wrist to stop me.

           “What about you? You didn’t . . .”

           “Don’t worry about me, sweetheart. Tonight was all about you.”

           I move off of the bed and help him to his feet, holding him steady when his legs begin to shake. “Might be a little sore for a while, but it should go away within a day or so.”

           I help him to the bathroom and turn on the shower, and when it’s warm enough I rid myself of my bra and panties and motion for him to join me. I urge Spencer to step under the spray first, but his arms snake around me and pull me with him.

           Spencer nuzzles his nose into the crook of my neck and he lets out a deep sigh.

           “You okay, bubs?” I ask him as I tangle my arms around his torso and begin to rub soothing circles into his back.

           “I just feel a little… down? I-Is this a sub drop? I read a little bit about them, but I don’t k-know…” he trails off, sniffling pitifully against my neck. “I-I just know that I want to hold you. Is that o-okay?”

           My heart lurches painfully in my chest as his voice wavers, and I pull back just enough that I can look into his weary eyes.

           “Baby, that’s more than okay. Sub drops are a perfectly normal thing to experience, and I’ll be right here to hold you for as long as you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

           Spencer’s eyes fill with tears and he makes no attempt to hold them back, choosing to let them fall freely and mix in with the water pouring from the shower head.

           “T-Tell me you want me,” Spencer begs, lip wobbling pitifully. “I-I just feel like I’m not good enough for you, and I know it’s all in my head, and I know how you feel about me, but I just think it would help if you just… s-said it. Please?”

           I feel my heart break for the man that stood before me. The implication his words carry - that this wonderful, kind-hearted, extraordinarily gifted man could ever think so little of himself – was enough to bring tears to my own eyes. I swallow down the lump that forms in my throat and, with all the sincerity I can possibly muster, I reply.

           “I want you, Spencer Reid. I don’t want anyone else – only you,” I tell him, never once breaking eye contact. “For as long as you’ll have me, I’m yours.”

           Spencer chokes out a weak laugh, “And if I want you forever?”

           I nudge his nose with my own, and the act feels almost more intimate than everything that preceded it.

           “Then forever, it is,” I murmur. I press a chaste kiss to his lips before pulling away and reaching for the shampoo. “Now, turn around, pretty boy. Let me pamper you.”

--

           “Y/N!” Penelope calls out, sauntering over to me in a flash of hot pink taffeta. I’m in the middle of throwing my satchel over my shoulder when she runs up to me, excited smile on her face. “Me, you, JJ, Elle, and a bottle of tequila. You in?”

           On a normal day, the answer would have been a resounding hell yes. But today? I let my eyes wander over to where Spencer lingers near the glass doors, trying to look like he isn’t listening in. Very subtle.

           “I’m gonna have to pass on this one, Penelope.”

           Penelope’s smile transforms into a pout.

           “This is the third weekend in a row you’ve ditched us!” she whines, stomping her kitten heeled foot like a petulant child. “Either you’re avoiding us or you’ve got some secret lover we don’t know about. And if that’s the case, then we have a whole other problem, because that’s the kind of thing I expect to be told about immediately.”

           The giddy smile that stretches across my face gives me away before I even have the chance to open my mouth, sending Penelope into an absolute frenzy.

           “Oh my God, I cannot believe this. We’ll talk about how angry I am about being kept in the dark later because right now, I need details,” Penelope gushes. “Who is he? Where did you two meet? Is he hot?” Penelope barely gets the words out before she’s shaking her head. “Wait, that’s a dumb question. Of course, he’s hot - just look at you. Do I know him? When do I get to meet him?”

           I can’t help but laugh at Penelope’s enthusiasm.

           “Slow down, Pen,” I chuckle. “I didn’t tell you about it because it’s still relatively new, and it wasn’t until this past weekend that we finally decided to put a label on it.”

           “A label? Does that mean this guy is your boyfriend? Oh my God, I thought this day would never come,” Penelope sighs dreamily. But the far-away look in her eye quickly fades and Penelope begins to grill me with renewed fervor. “Y/N, you have to tell me who it is. It’s like, practically a crime that I’m only just now hearing about this, so you owe me this much. And I’ll be needing his first and last name, along with a DOB so that I can run a full back ground check ASAP. Don’t even try to talk me out of it – we deal with enough freakiness during our day jobs, and I insist on making sure the freakiness ends there.”

           I can feel a flush spread over my cheeks and I fiddle with the strap of my bag.

           “I, uh, don’t think a background check is going to be necessary. You know this guy pretty well already.”

           If Penelope had been worked up before, she was practically vibrating with excitement now.

           “I know him? Oh my God, this is so huge. Is it Brendon from down in sex crimes? Or maybe James from counter-terrorism?” Penelope muses aloud, before her eyes go almost comically wide. “Holy hell, it’s Anderson, isn’t it?”

           “It definitely isn’t Anderson, or any of the others, for that matter,” I laugh. “Do you want a hint?”

           “What I really want is for you to just tell me, but if you insist on dragging this out then yes, I would very much like a hint!”

           I cut my eyes over to where Spencer stands, and it’s impossible to miss the giddy grin on his face. So much for trying to remain subtle, Doctor Reid.

           I fake like I’m looking around for anyone within earshot before motioning for Penelope to lean in. She’s quick to comply, and I do one last exaggerated sweep of the room.

           “Alright then, here’s your hint,” I whisper into her ear. “He’s got an IQ of 187, and he’s a pretty kickass magician.”

           I lean back and adjust the strap of my bag, sparing one last, parting glance at Penelope, whose jaw is practically on the floor.

           “See you on Monday, Pen.”

           “W-Wait, are you serious?” Penelope calls out after me. “Reid is your mystery man?! Y/N, get back here right now and explain yourself! Derek, did you hear that?!”

           By the time I reach Spencer, Penelope’s voice fades into background noise as I focus all my attention on the way he smiles down at me. I link my hand with his and I’m vaguely aware of an increase in volume coming from Penelope’s direction, but I ignore in favor of smiling back at him.

           “You ready to get out of here, boyfriend?”

           Spencer squeezes my hand in his and he nods.

           “Ready when you are, girlfriend.”

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