dahlia-sama

[everest-is-dead-now]

Little Monster Q&A + author fun facts !!

hello new followers and fans of Little Monster. first of all, i just have to thank everyone for the crazy support ive been getting as of late. thank you everyone. every like, comment, and reblog just pushes me to keep writing, even when it feels like every word i write is garbage.

so i decided to make this little special! idk if anyone will be super interested, so ill put all the stuff under the cut, but i also wanted to add this little drawing i did of terzomega as like extra content. if you arent interested, thanks anyway and enjoy the art!

—

to everyone who stayed, i have no idea why you’re interested, but thanks lmfao. this shit will be long.

Questions

Is your most recent oneshot about the mirror related at all to Little Monster? (from @ofthemorningstars)

i'm glad you noticed that !! in The Mirror, i very purposefully left two hints at the end of the fic to indicate its connection to Little Monster, which was the taco ring reference and Terzo's use of "mostriciatto". to me, mostriciatto will always be the Little Monster version of terzomega. no matter when i finish that fic or if i write more fics after, i will never again use mostriciatto unless im purposefully writing these versions of terzomega. i havent seen anyone else use it (i hope they dont), so i like to imagine this can be forever my impact on terzomega fics lmao. anyway, the purpose of me leaving those references isnt necessarily to say, "this is a future scene of little monster" bc it isnt exactly that (while i have plans that line up with this oneshot, i cannot anticipate that everything will fit perfectly by the time we get there in the canon). the purpose of doing that was to show u cuties that yes, terzo and omega will eventually have a better relationship, and i will be extending this timeline into papa terzo era. just a fun little teaser for my more observant fans.

also, fun fact about how i came up with that pet name. i was writing the first part of Little Monster (that part is now titled Spilled Wine as featured on my Ao3) and i knew i wanted to give terzo an affinity for using pet names, but i didn't know quite which ones to use. i didn't want to be boring, so i googled some. i have no idea where, but i found mostriciatto, meaning, of course, "little monster." i had yet to even really start writing it, but i knew i wanted it to be DARK with a very unhinged omega, so i thought, perfect. ill talk a bit more about the writing of part one later on

2. How many parts do you currently anticipate writing? Do you have a set ending point, or will this perhaps be an ongoing project for the foreseeable future? (from @ofthemorningstars)

i have 12 major plot points (including the first five parts i have written) that loosely translate into parts. this could mean 12 parts, or it could be more depending on what i write. i kinda plan on expanding this to 18 (6 parts per “era” or “act” [you’ll see what i mean]) though i dont quite have a set ending yet, so really its up in the air. i am, however, planning on having a definitive ending, ergo not an endless project. from there there may be some oneshots in this universe, but they will have an ending.

3. In the first part of little monster you put a disclaimer with something along the lines of "if you're expecting comfort I'm sorry to disappoint". The angst is MWAH but do you like plan on giving Terzo like any sort of comfort or happiness?? (from anon)

before i begin rambling, here's your answer: there will be hope and good times as mentioned above, and you might have even picked up on that in part 5. i may have wrote a fucked up versions of terzomega but whats a good story without character growth?? i havent determined the direction of the ending, but rest assured, if it all burns down, they will hold each other close (for the minute it takes).

but also.... funny story about that disclaimer....

soo i wanted to write ghost fanfic to impress my friend who is a VERY avid member of this community. however, i failed to realize they DO NOT like angst without love and care and fluff, so after i showed it to them, buddy did not like it. i took that as a sign that maybe this shit was a little TOO dark.

but my god, i could not stop thinking about it, as the caption said, and i dont always feel that away about what i write. i had recently started to post semi often to tumblr, and i just thought. well, theres gotta be someone else as fucked up as me, and i posted that shit. that disclaimer was a result of taking my friends reaction seriously and realizing that i needed to make it VERY clear that this fic is NOT for everyone. there was a different og caption that was longer and more grave, but i cut it down for aesthetics bc little monster has already seen more success than i ever anticipated.

4. What is your favorite ghost album, and what song introduced you to ghost? (from anon) & Favorite ghost song (or songs) (from @ask-enso-ghoul)

my favorite album is Infestissumam!!! the vibes of the album are so fucking immaculate, even if terzo is my favorite papa.

of course, of course, the first song i ever heard from ghost was Mary on a Cross. it blew up when it did and i loved it. the second song that really made me start getting into ghsot was square hammer, which will secretly also be my favorite ghost song but ive heard it so many times i have to give it now to the future is a foreign land. some of my other fave songs are jigolo, respite, body and blood, faith, twenties, and year zero (there’s just so many)

i want to take a second to say my least favorite album though, which is opus eponymous, or as i call it, pope pussy. it’s ok. it’s just ok. mk. i’m not a fan of that sound. the best song on there is genesis. I FUCKING SAID IT—

5. how do you get into the zone of writing smut-? I’m trying to get into it but it sounds cheesy when I do, so do you do something specific? (from anon)

im gonna level with you. i have been writing for almost a decade, since i was 12, and the first thing i started writing was smut. sex has always been a HUGE creative force for my writing and art in general. as stupid as it sounds, writing smut to me is more than just that. its my art. its my greatest and most inspirational subject. i love being creative with it, bending it to the niches and intricacies of the duo im writing, just playing with it as a medium of expression, of storytelling, of how DEEP it can be.

that being said, one of the easiest ways to get into the zone of smut specifically is being horny ! you imagine your pairing doing some illicit bedroom activity and you pick them up liek dolls and smush their faces together ! let it be fun, and let it be yours. dont write it to please the kinks of your audience, write it to your own taste and enjoyment.

as far as it being cheesy, yeah, it will feel that way. the most important thing is to be confident with your language and don’t shy away from calling a dick a dick, a pussy a pussy, an ass an ass. it feels stupid, but it will read worse if you make up artsy names for them every other line. don’t be afraid to be descriptive either, because that’s what the people want to see, trust me.

apologies if that was unhelpful, ive just been writing smut so long i can hardly tell you how i do it. im jsut super passionate about it and it fuels me creatively….. can u tell lol

6. Favorite work you’ve ever done? (from anon)

so.... ive written many things and that depends. its definitely not anything ive posted on here.

i think my favorite "serious" work is a short story i wrote for a creative writing class, called Abel and Sally. it was an modern inversion of the bible story of abraham and sarah, with a really dark ending (i love to shit on catholicism)

the other work that comes to mind is the first story i wrote about my oc anson, called Anson's Prison. that is something i would potentially post on here, its pretty short but its a good one. its oc content, tho, so i doubt many ppl would be interested lel.

8. will you draw more drawing for your stories in the future? (from anon)

well. heres my thing with art.

ive been drawing as long as ive been writing. but im not an artist; i never learned ANYTHING beyond like drawing itself, i.e. i dont know how to shade, pick colors, do bgs, etc. (can u tell??? do u see that art up there???? can YOU TELL??) thus, i have a sort of love hate relationship with drawing, and i usually dont like my own stuff. i didnt pick up drawing as easy as i did writing and its not nearly as intuitive to me.

that being said, it is sometimes fun when the drawings turn out just right and i get super passionate about something i draw and i can create the image in my head. so if the mood strikes me, i probably will draw more terzomega stuff in the future.

but why do i need to?? feeds you all SO WELL with little monster stuff you dont need my shitty art lmfao

9. MILK OR CEREAL FIRST? (from anon)

cereal. bc the moment the milk hits that cereal u are on a speedy ass countdown to devour that shit before it gets soggy, and brother, u better eat quick.

Things I wanted to share

Little Monster was supposed to be a one shot

so, Little Monster started as one thing and turned to something else entirely. originally, i wrote the beginning of the first chapter (where they are flirting in the church) in about april of this year. in this version, they were supposed to already be in love, though hiding it, and terzo was not drunk at all, just teasing. i eventually scrapped it because i wasnt very passionate about it and got p bored. then, in july, i had the itch to write something dark, but none of my projects at the time had characters i could really write that with. i came back to that scrapped fic and i thought, damn, i could really fuck these guys up, and i did.

little monster immediately became more successful than i thought it would be, and that was only about 10 notes and a comment in. i was happy to leave it at that, but then, i just started writing part two on a whim. if you look at the og post in the comments, i mention that im writing a "follow up". thats bc even when writing part two, this was not going to be a series !! but then, as i kept writing, part two became so long i had to split it in half, meaning there were suddenly 3. by the time i posted part three, though, i was shocked at the sheer amount of attention i was getting. at the same time, part three ended in such a way that i knew this story needed to keep going, to give these two a resolution. now, little monster will be a full fledged story thanks to all the support ive received :3

2. im an english major

yeah, you got me, im a college student majoring in english creative writing. is it obvious? my penultimate goal is to one day be a published author. it’s crazy surreal to me how much people express to me how they enjoy my writing~~ i hope i can one day make my dream come true 🥰 the unfortunate part about this is i go back to college next week and im uncertain how that will affect my writing schedule :p i’ll stick to weekly uploads for little monster tho dw !!

3. this is the first time i’ve written fanfic in several years

when i first started writing it was frerard and peterick fanfics on wattpad in middle school (huge shoutout to the ones that know lmfao). i stopped writing those before hs and haven’t written fanfic since. i think it’s very funny that i have come full circle back to writing band fanfic, altho ghost ofc is way more intricate with its canon

4. I LOVE YOU GUYS

i know i’ve said it a dozen times already on this post, but god it’s crazy. it’s nuts !! i’ve already made a handful of super sweet mutuals who i appreciate with all my heart, and even if you’re just a lurker, I STILL APPRECIATE YOU. EVERY SINGLE NOTE MAKES ME SO HAPPY. EVERY COMMENT AND RB HAS ME BURSTING WITH JOY.

it is entirely thanks to you all that i write terzomega and ive become so passionate about it. if it weren’t for your support, i would probably still be writing my silly little stories that no one but me could possibly understand, rotting away and wondering if anyone would even like my writing. terzo and omega are such a unique pairing compared to what ive written before, and writing them is a really cool feeling. i truly love it, and i hope i can continue to feed this side of the fandom for a long time.

from the bottom of my heart and with all my writing soul, thank you. i want to keep writing for u guys, and i want to satiate ur dirty terzomega fantasies >:) this is such a sweet and inclusive fandom and im glad i’ve been welcomed in so quickly. i hope i can continue to grow my talent here :3

ok that’s it bye teehee

[kvrokasaa]

karasu comforting overachiever!reader with a lot of anxiety?

my exams are around, ive cried 6x and had a mental breakdown in 3 days. and im a good student at heart but not on paper. im trying😭

take care! love❤️

I can relate to this sm, I promise myself that I’ll study but then it gets late n all I wanna do is sleep lmfao. But I hope you’re doing alright, love. Remember to drink lots of water and eat lots of food! And take breaks when studying so you don’t get headaches!

Sorry I posted this so late, but here it is.

Cw: crying, fluff, comfort, friends to lovers, cursing, not proofread. lmk if i missed any!

Wc: 1.1k

Overachiever!

Karasu is like your best friend, he’s always been there for you and promises he always will. Even when he left for a program called Blue Lock, he still managed to talk to you. Especially when you were going through a nasty breakup with your ex. He has always been there for you.

Something Karasu noticed over the years of being your friend; you’re an overachiever and a perfectionist. You have to get good grades, it’s like it was hard-wired in your brain since you were a child. If you didn’t get a good grade, even on a test that was optional or didn’t have any impact on your overall grade, you would feel so ashamed and full of anxiety. You were afraid of your teachers hating you, honestly, you’re just afraid of authority figures. You would always try to hide your feelings behind a fake smile, and sometimes it worked. But this time it didn’t.

You were in your room studying, all day long. No matter how many times people tried to pester you, or ask you to take a break, you would decline and go back to studying. You needed to get a good grade. You had stayed up all night long studying and going over the crucial information that would be on the final.

So why? Why do you have an 84% on your final? Why isn’t it at 100? Other people congratulated you, saying that the test was really hard. But you know that Mia, the top student, got the perfect score without even trying.

You tried this year, you really did. You made a resolution that you would try your hardest this year; that you wouldn’t give up so easily like last year. And you know that bad habits die hard, but you were doing so well. Even though this isn’t your last year, you feel like you failed at school.

‘Take a deep breath. Failure is the one pathway to success.’ Karasu’s words came floating into your mind. But you could still feel the onslaught of the tears and the tightness of the pain in your chest. You tried to take a deep breath but it wasn’t enough, it felt like all the oxygen in the world just vanished.

You don’t know how you got home, all the memories of the people saying ‘Good job’ and ‘Don’t beat yourself up, you did better than me’ are the only ones you can remember. All you want to do is crawl into your bed and cuddle your stuffed bear while you cry. But you have to study more; you have to study for your next classes. You can’t just give up because of one class. Oh but how badly you want to.

A sudden knock on your door pulled you from your thoughts. “Come in.” You cringed at the crack in your voice, quickly you straightened your posture and pretended to be okay.

But all of that faux hope and happiness faded away when you saw the unmistakable blue eyes. The tears came rushing back, along with the shaky breaths.

Karasu walked over to your desk and smiled down at you. “Hey, just wanted to stop by,” his hand raised, revealing a bag with your favorite restaurant name. “I brought your favorite.” His voice died down, almost to a whisper when he saw your tears.

You quickly wiped them, but the red streaks were still there. He sighed and sat down on your bed. “It’s okay, Y/n. Stuff like this happens, don’t worry about it too much.” You shook your head. “No, I should worry about it,” he raised a brow. “Why?”

You felt a little agitated because he couldn’t understand. Of course he couldn’t, he’s always been the type of person to get good grades without even trying. Knowing him, he probably slept through most of his classes and still got a 95 or higher on his final. Typical Karasu.

“Because who would I be if I don’t have good grades? I know that grades don’t matter much in the world, but I’m the one who feels the shame. I’m the one who has to remember what it feels like to try your hardest and still fail.” You felt like pulling your hair out, breaking things, just something to ease your mind. To ease the pain.

He brings his hands up to your cheeks, squishing them a little which brings a smile to his face. “Remember what I always tell you. ‘Failure is a pathway to-’ ” “To success. I know that, but still,” You move your head, making him release his grip. “I don’t want to fail, I don’t want people to remember me as the person who always failed.” Your voice was almost higher than a whisper, but he still heard you loud and clear. Karasu could hear and feel the pain from your voice.

“You-” you release a shaky breath, trying to calm yourself down. “You wouldn’t understand.”

‘Ironic’ he thinks, you’re the one who’s not understanding. A simple grade doesn’t define who you are as a person.

“Y/n look at me.” He grabs your face, “You are doing your best, you’re trying your fucking hardest and I’m so proud of you for that. You’re way smarter than what people give you credit for.” You try to shake your head, but his grip on your jaw tightens. “No. I don’t want to hear you deny anything. You need to understand that it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to feel helpless after a bad grade. But it’s not okay to beat yourself up. Don’t worry too much about how this grade, which is a passing grade, will affect your future.”

Karasu pulls you in for a hug. You close your eyes and bury your face in his chest. “You’re in the present right now, not the future. And I’m sure the future you are a CEO; trust me I can see it.”

You both laugh at his words. You sniffle and look up at him, “thank you, I really needed that.” He nods his head; his eyes looking from your eyes to your lips. “Anytime, I mean it.”

This is what you expected, a lecture and comfort from Karasu. It’s what you wanted. But what you didn’t expect was his lips on yours. Before you could enjoy the moment, he pulled back and smiled down at you. “Safe to say that I think you return my feelings,” your eyes darting everywhere but his and your little nod was a good enough answer for him. “And as much as I want to kiss you again. Our food is getting cold.” He pulled you down onto the bed along with the bag of food. “Let’s eat.”

[i-just-want-to-destroy]

the last chapter for walking study in demonology was CRAZYYY im so happy you updated. im so curious about what your thought process in writing it and if youre willing to share?? you dont have to if you dont want to btw! but in any case thank u so muchhh

hey thank you! appreciate it

okay super long answer below

honestly this one was difficult. idk if its bc its been a while since i write fics from scratch so i might have forgotten how difficult the whole thing is, but this one was tough. ch 8 wasnt from scratch tho cos i had the drafts since like 2022 or smthg lol

ik the formatting is non conventional in ch 8 and i was aware that itd be hard to read for some people. but i do think abt the readers often when i write.. mainly not what the readers want in terms of storyline (altho ofc i consider this too sometimes lol) but what the reading experience will be like for them.

i.e consider if id written the chapter in a linear, traditional way and narrated the confrontation between 1-A and LoV (or even other wackier “Villains” like godzilla and invading aliens or whatever). the truth is, although def easier to read, that version will be very boring.

(i know bc i tried and scrapped those versions.)

(im sure a better writer can write it interestingly but i am not a better writer.)

the thing w writing these traditional fight scenes is tht im sure — im 1000% positive in fact — that the readers have read it before. there r literally thousands and thousands of bnha fics out there with great fight scenes, on top of the actual manga, where youve read these characters fight their assorted villains. why would i make you read that again, esp when i know i cant do it better? i already know the readers r just gonna skim the chapter if thats the case. ive been a reader, ik what fic fatigue is like — esp with bnha when everythings been rehashed infinity times in infinity different ways.

same thing also applies with even the “metaness” of the fic itself.

i dont want the fic to come off like its talking down to readers, whom i believe alrdy have the instinctual knowledge of what the fic is trying to do. im willing to bet tht the readers have read something similar to this before, like multiverses n time loop n meta stuff, also cosmic horror. i still end up narrating some things even though often i feel im being too explanatory. i jst feel like the readers will know what im talking abt by virtue of their familiarity to the tropes involved.

therefore the least i can do is serve it in an interesting way, aka the fuckass formatting. like although the tropes im doing r done so many times before, at the very least i cld let the readers hopefully have fun by piecing it together puzzle-style with the fragmented formats — so its more of an experience thing rather than jst a lore dump. i dont like lore dumps, they can be condescending.

demonology def doesnt succeed in avoiding that however. in fact its fallen to that exact trap. ch 4 and 6, those r very lore-dumpy. i tried to make it fun w the humor dialogue style but its not perfect. i know tht by ch 8 that tricks alrdy old, and the readers have all the puzzle pieces at this point anyway so itd be even more repetitive than it alrdy is. even so i still feel im being too explanatory esp with the emotional arcs but thats a skill issue on my part

overall i feel demon can be more oblique and “elegant” in its mechanics.

but anyway, it IS crack… it was never meant to promise intelligence, least of all eloquence lmfao. its never meant to be taken seriously.

of course, at this point u can tell that i actually am taking it pretty seriously LOL. i never meant to write meta fiction. i have some gripes w it, namely that i feel meta fiction is used by weaker writers as a storytelling crutch n it can come off as lazy — demon is guilty of this too. but now that i end up writing meta fiction, i might as well fucking commit and try to push it as crazy as i can. if its not gonna be good, at least it can be interesting, or weird.

blah blah im yapping. point is, ik the end product might look very “random” and pastiche as if i was jst doing whatever i wanted … which, true … but it went thru a lot of trials and errors until this final version. you would not believe the amount of time ive rewritten this chapter, due to all those ^ considerations.

however i always knew i was going to start ch8 with the classic mary sue “fanfiction” — that segment was written a long time ago like in 2022/2023?? and mostly stayed unedited since, unlike the rest of the fic which i stripped and repainted and restripped again lol

ok thanks for reading abt my wack anime crack fic writing process that, again, shld not be taken seriously. i will admit however that i do put a lot of effort n heart into it so i cannot pretend i am aloof and disaffected. id be lying if i say its been easy. i consider it a miracle i updated at all. i keep saying its not meant to be taken serious but if i managed to make it even a little bit meaningful, id be very happy.

ah also. bnha ending actually forced me to scrap a lot of things too. but it kinda ends up for the better, maybe.

[pikasetism]

hi, if this doesn't bother you, what are your pikase headcanons?

do you have au with them?

also i love the blog idea, it's so cute have a place were the pikase fans can talk about them 💖

hiiiii anon i did not realize how much i would have to say about this ive been writing this reply for hours sorry long post inkoming lmfao

my funny little general headcanons can fluctuate for whatever i wanna do but the solid ones are that fukase is disabled and does tech support and piko is a robot and does a lot of programming stuff, they join forces to build silly little robots together and theyre always looking out for each other

more random ones are stuff like the height i draw fukase with fluctuates but hes never taller than piko, both of them are some flavor of transgender (i personally like unlabeled piko and intersex fukase), piko is mikis sibling and shes dating miku append, both of them are robots and id love to draw a double date at some point, i dont really have any mikippend headcanons but i love them sm too omg and i like to draw piko with funny little hologram windows he can acess the internet from and i think thats just kind of a robot thing robots can do :]

the only thing i can consider an au that i have with them is what i call "memesquad from the mirror dimension" or "seriousquad" which is this note on my phone where i wrote every single personality trait i could think of from talkloids i saw around 2018-2020 and reversed them heres what i wrote for fukase and piko

also AWWW TYYY thats so sweet yeaaaaaaah shipping vocaloids is all fun and games until you realize that unless your otp is from crypton you cant find SHIT about them, id love to have my blog seen as a little hub where all of us can sit around a campfire and chat about our silly ship omg 🥺

pikase being a rarepair baffles me specifically because of the memesquad, idk why but at least on my time on that side of the fandom some years ago it was always super hard to find any pikase stuff which always confused me since they're both In The Deam Memesquad. PERFECTLY good gay couple in there guys. why does no one see the vision. i vividly remember this one time i was like 13 reading a crack ask fic on wattpad and the only time pikase was even hinted at it was played off as a complete Joke and it made me so upset lmao

i only have around 40 followers here but it makes me so happy to see so many people that share my love for this ship, the rarepairness of it always made me feel so alone, back when i only used twitter there was 1 artist that Sometimes posted pikase stuff and that was all i had, genuenly i am willing to bet that im currently one of the only active pikase artist out there lmao, i say this in my bio but i made this blog to just get me to draw them more and be more shameless about MY FUCKING OTP and i genuenly never expected to see more than like 5 people on my notes, even if someone just silently likes and reblogs a drawing with no comment attached it still always makes me so warm inside even, ive gotten at least 2 people saying "OH MY GOD AN ACTIVE PIKASE BLOG" on my notes and i share the sentiment deeply. hell yeah. theres more of us out there >:D

[vintage-bentley]

thanks for such a thurough reply ive loved ur page for a reallyyyy long time!!! also yes frankly ive found some m/m authors who i know wont pull that stuff bc they write long form and have already established early on that its actually gay so like idk people say im a fake lesbian for mostly reading m/m but its not even smut so like not to delve into gold star discourse but does yaoi fluff really take away the gold star lmfao

You’re welcome, and thank you! 💖💖

I’ve fallen out of reading fanfiction, mostly because I’ve been burned by it too many times. Even the authors I figured I could trust to not be sexist or homophobic would have some stupid line snuck in that feels like a way to say “don’t worry, everyone, I’m a follower of genderism!”. But I’m always happy for ladies who’ve managed to find things that work for them!

I think it’s really stupid to assume that a lesbian is actually straight or bi because she enjoys M/M content. I find that lesbians are held under such scrutiny with every single thing we do, in a way that gay men are not. For example, if a gay man stans Lady Gaga, nobody assumes that he’s actually bi/straight and is attracted to her. But if a lesbian stans some male celebrity or character, it’s assumed that she wants to fuck him. Which is very insulting to women, this idea that we’d only pay attention to a celeb/character if we want to fuck them. Because it implies that we’re not capable of just enjoying somebody’s artistry, or the complexity of a character the same way men are.

Personally, I’m not watching or reading things just to be horny? Okay, I’ll admit to sometimes rewatching First Kill just so I can thirst over Elinor lol, but that’s not the only reason I watch it. I genuinely love the show, the hot evil woman is just a bonus. There’s so much more to experiencing a work than just being attracted to the people/characters in it. And again, I think it’s incredibly offensive when people imply that women aren’t capable of experiencing that full range of emotions and thoughts—that our interest must start and end at sexual attraction.

And all of this applies to fanfiction. I’m just focusing on the person aspect because like I said, I haven’t read fanfiction in a long while.

Now, are there women in fandom who call themselves lesbians but clearly aren’t? Absolutely, and they drive me crazy. But it’s not just because they’re reading M/M fan fiction. It’s because they’re posting about how much they want to fuck some guy because “he’s my one exception!”. In that case, I’d hope we can all agree that that is not a lesbian. Or on the slightly less obnoxious side, they’re talking about male celebs/characters in a way that clearly shows they’re coming from a place of sexual attraction (I’ve actually seen this in particular more from self-proclaimed “asexual” women than self-proclaimed “lesbians”. They claim they’re some form of “aspec”, then start raving about a man the same way a straight or bi woman would. Nothing wrong with that, but be honest with yourselves ffs).

But if you’re just reading M/M fan fiction because you’re invested in male characters and want to see them happy? That has nothing to do with sexuality. And anyone who claims it does needs to reassess why they believe that women are so shallow that we can’t enjoy anything that we aren’t horny over.

[1800duckhotline]

what is vampire the masquerade and whats killer is dead. i assume videod games but i could be wrong... you seem to be having soo much fun im nosaayy 😁

omg hi mani im so flattered u would ask!! yeah ive been in the throes of videogames lately AHAH... oc brained but videogame about it sort of...

vampire the masquerade is actually a ttrpg originally published in the 80s i think, but it keeps getting updated so its not like. anything super old... whenever i mention "vampire the masquerade: bloodlines" im talking about the 2004 videogame created based off of the ttrpg! im biased in loving vtm and vtmb since well. it's about vampires. but i think it's an unique take on them that like makes the supernatural aspect not too boring compared to the classic supernatural vampire take. since it involves clans, a lot of vampire politics and societal aspects to it all, etc... Bloodlines itself is not a perfect game (ill avoid geeking out too much about the brief dev hell history it had) but i value it so dearly bc its so 2004 and is so gothic/alternative in its genuine influence. also the story is goofy but really good too (with um, simultaneously, the con that It Is a 2004 Game, meaning it has a lot of weird bigotries that were normalized for the time lol). Unforchy it's almost unplayable without downloading an additional patch mod that restores also a lot of cut content ^_^ but you make do... its so easy to make ocs for the game and the general ttrpg, sooo many ways you can go with your characters!! Bloodlines itself as a game is an action/adventure RPG mostly focused on combat (with stuff like stealth sessions) as well as various ways to resolve different quests. the variety of said outcomes is mostly limited by the fact the studio wasn't able to polish the game at all for release due to activision, the publisher, pushing troika games (dev team) to release the game early to compete with half life 2 at the time (yeah crazy i know). that said, the dialogues can be really charming and fun and offer a nice variety of things to do.. its not perfect but seriously is the best vampire RPG game around so far..

killer is dead is completely different (mostly because i can never focus on one thing for too long lmfao), it's an hack and slash 2014 game created by suda51 and grasshopper manufacture (same game devs behind no more heroes, lollipop chainsaw, shadows of the damned etc) and it's. an okay game. i dont even know if i can explain the story bc its like, a clusterfuck. and usually clusterfuck stories are goichi suda's specialty but this one goes over the moon (funny joke if You Know). it's a pretty mid game. I love it on one hand bc its easy to play and very stylish, tho the shaders sometimes can give you an headache. I also love the protagonist (mondo zappa) because to me thats a butch not just some guy. Unfortunately the game has the very strong cons of being too short for the kind of game it is, and also has an infamously bizarre minigame that's called "gigolo missions"... you basically go on "dates" with beauties (sexy girls basically), you give them gifts until they 'love' you and then you go have sex and they give you weapon upgrades as a result. the date though consists of you building up your "guts meter" by looking at their boobs or legs so it's like. REALLY STRANGE. CANT HASHTAG IM SORRY FEMINISM OUT OF THIS ONE I'M AFRAID.... it's so conflicting bc apparently suda didn't want to add this function but publishers forced him to. oh well. a solid 6.5/10 tbh. idk if i'd reccomend it tho maybe gameplays are better than getting it at full price imo (i got my game as a gift)

UM SO SORRY FOR GEEKING OUT...I HOPE THE EXPLANATION WAS CLEAR. My brain keeps jumping from media to media with no pause... i wanna focus on ocs again but this keeps happening hahaha

[empyreasheart]

I RETURN WITH MORE QUESTIONS. and one topic on my mind. xion xion xion xion xion xion XION shes so interesting and your hcs are always so good do you have any about her or the sea salt trio in general. i miss them so much (also i know you have work to do sorry if this is a distraction from it!! feel free to leave this ask for later)

IM FREEE WHICH MEANSSS I CAN TALK ABOUT MY DEAR DEAR XION!!!! no joke i have been thinking about her all day.

first off i LOVEEE xion so much. whenever i see her get attention and love im so happy. when i see her i have a habit of going "XIONNNN" super loudly.

im putting this under a read more cuz its gotten super long oops

my xion headcanons... well first of all i love every reading of her character as a trans allegory & how people intepret her as either trans or nonbinary! i dont think it was done on purpose but shes been claimed by the commjnity and im so happy about it. transfem xion my beloved. second of all shes autistic TO ME but honestly everyone in soras heart hotel is so thats a given. third of all give me xion with big dark brown eyes or give me death!

what id like to see explored in future games / i fanwork: her identity! we see roxas's frustration and anger about being his own person plenty but we hardly see xion upset at her predicament. i think this is because she wants to do the right thing, not because shes okay with the situation. i really want to see xion's feelings about not having her own identity explored, given that everything about her is based on either sora or his memories of kairi and she was basically created in a lab as a tool for organization 13. she should feel weird about existing in the first place, especially next to roxas and naminé, who dont have the same history behind their creation

in addendum to that, i want to see xions character design change to something more unique. she already has a new outfit, but id love to see her have a new hairstyle (whether she grows it out or just puts it up) so she has something different than a mirror of kh1 kairi's hair. i think ive also mentioned that i think itd be interesting if xion had her own eye color after kh3 (side note its bullshit we never got to see her norted eyes in kh3. she shouldve played a bigger role in the story too but thats another rant) to symbolize that shes her own person now, not a puppet meant to copy sora. lastly she !!! deserves !!! her own keyblade!!! there's so many cool keyblades from days to choose from & theres the weapons from her boss fight - theres no reason for her to still be using the kingdom key and i really hope she gets her own soon.

i keep thinking about what you said about xion not being another "nice" girl character and im like... so true. i dont think xion would be mean i want to go about it in a way that doesnt completely rewrite her character but i think exploring how she copes with her past w/ both organizations & her identity & trauma would be interesting, especially with how it parallels to naminé's own way of coping and dealing with her own trauma. theyre like Shy vs introverted to me lmfao i think xion tries to be friendly but overall she prefers to stay close to the people she feels safe around. i want to see xion be rude but in the autism way where she doesnt mean it shes just not aware. and stuff like that i guess. this paragraph was just word vomit my bad

THE SEA SALT TRIO... theyre seriously the family of all time i love them so much. ill just focus on xion here because this is already super long. BUT AXEL LOVES XION SO MUCH IT MAKES ME SICK THEYRE NOT TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH.. the implication that lea subconsciously keeps his coat on in kh3 so xion (and roxas) can recognize him makes me so emotional. also the fact that lea just clicks with kairi because she also holds a part of xion inside her... AND WHEN HE BUYS HER AN ICE CREAM AND HE DOESNT EVEN REMEMBER WHY HES BUYING THREE. UGH. i love them so much. theyre definitely one of those duos found in the trios that dont get much attention which just draws me towards them more (like riku and kairi). i think lea is absolutely riddled with guilt about the events of days so he never lets xion forget that shes loved. i think xion is touch-averse *except* when it comes to roxas and lea because she feels safest around them.❤️

to end i will discuss roxas and xion . they are like a little orange cat and a little black cat to me. halloween colored. theyre so small i love them so much. i imagine when xion first meets the twilight town gang shes jealous bc roxas has other friends :( but roxas assures her shes super duper special to him and no one else can take her place in his life. they have such a unique bond that i dont know if any of the other characters have with each other. just something so special about those two. when it feels like no one else understands they have each other... and i think that makes for some angst when xion struggles with her own issues that even roxas cant relate to

[monstersinthecosmos]

Hi! I have a bit of an odd question. Do you think it’s possible to read your VC fics having zero familiarity with the source material? More accurately, how can I get acquainted enough with what’s canonically relevant in order to be able to read them? I am a long time fan of alllll your Sheith fics and have read them all so many times I can’t even count anymore. I saw you mention some similarities between Keith and Armand (?) in a comment and Immediately tried reading your latest VC fic but it went right over my head 😭. I can’t put into words how much I appreciate your writing - and how read to filth *I* feel when reading your stuff LOL - so I won’t try, but I hope you can tell it’s a lot. My latest rereading binge was set off when I saw you post about the new chapter of ttsr! on twitter and I lostttt it, I literally think about that fic every day (if you can give me any teasers at all about the next chapter, I will die and hopefully resuscitate when it’s posted). In any case, in the meantime, I’d love to read your other works. Any tips would be much appreciated. Either way, thank you so much for all you’ve already put out there. <3

dfasdhkgj oh my gosh WHAT A QUESTION AND IT'S SOMETHING IVE THOUGHT ABOUT SO MANY FUCKIN TIMES !! You're not even the first to ask! And I've answered in both directions because I've had VC people read my Sheith fics!!! OH LORD OKAY LISTEN LET'S HAVE A SEAT FOR A MINUTE. (Also thank you so much omg 🥹🥹🥹)

Okay to break this down!!! My main two ships I’ve posted about are either Armand/Daniel or Marius/Armand and they can BOTH be Sheith analogs imo, especially because I think Sheith fandom is SO fic heavy and we have so many sort of like established tropes and fanon for the way people approach Shiro! 

But starting with Armand on his own, here’s what you need to know:  He’s 500 years old but he was turned when he was 17! He’s always going to look like he did when he was 17 in 1497!!!!! He’s from the RENAISSANCE BAYBEE!!! But he grew up spending a lot of time in a monastery and he was ABDUCTED when he was like 14ish and SEX TRAFFICKED! And then he’s found & rescued by a vampire named Marius, who’s like 1500 years old and very lonely and looking for a companion! Marius is convinced that it will backfire if he tries to turn any old rando into a vampire and what he really needs is like a BLANK SLATE that he can groom for vampirism. When he finds Armand, Armand is so fucking traumatized that he doesn’t remember how to talk, doesn’t remember where he’s from, has no memory of being trafficked, etc. Marius is also feeling traumatized so he feels a connection to this person and decides THIS IS THE ONE and he takes care of him for a few years and winds up turning him. (They have a lot of sex and stuff it’s wild.) I actually wrote an AU based on it for Sheith one time on Twitter so this might also explain it!!!

((I'M EXTREMELY SILLY BC I ALSO SHARED THE ART BUT WITH RED HAIR TO BE ARMAND HAHAH))

Then blah blah a lot of traumatic shit happens, they get separated, they don’t see each other until the 1980s lol. Armand also spends like 300 years in a cult. And in the 1970s he meets DANIEL! And if you are aware the first book of this series is called INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE, Daniel is the interviewer! He’s the one who interviewed the vampire!!!! And Armand STALKS HIM LMFAO and threatens him and they play a cat and mouse game. But then they start getting used to each other and kinda enjoy seeing each other and they wind up being lovers. This goes on for like TWELVE YEARS during which time Daniel is like slowly killing himself with alcohol because he wants to be a vampire so bad and Armand refuses to turn him. Eventually Daniel is like dying of liver failure or whatever and Armand turns him because he can’t handle the thought of losing him.

What I think Armand has REALLY IN COMMON with Keith and why they’re fun to write about is that like

- They’re both orphans and their experiences being orphaned and losing people at young ages really dictates a lot of their behavior and how they treat others. I think a ton of Keith’s characterization comes down to his abandonment issues and for Armand it’s the same. There’s some added drama with Armand because he’s a vampire so like, he’s so convinced that vampires can’t have meaningful relationships with their makers (because of his own maker) that he can’t bear to turn Daniel. It’s a lot like how Keith, in his human version, can’t get close to people and doesn’t even try to. Even looking like the entire time he’s with Voltron he really never bonds with anybody,  even way later in canon when he admits he doesn’t think any of them are friends. AND HOW HE FUCKIN HAS NO ISSUE LEAVING THE TEAM TO JOIN THE BLADES BECAUSE HE’S NEVER FELT SUPPORTED BY ANYBODY EXCEPT SHIRO? 

- I think also that Keith deliberately makes himself unpleasant to people (ie: immediately stealing Shiro’s car) so that he can have some control over people coming in and out of his life. Like, if he pushes them away first they can’t leave him. And like with Armand, his cult years remind me of this too. Like in VC there’s a LOT of Catholicism in the themes of the writing and Armand was very religious when he was alive, and then he winds up indoctrinated by this cult. He spends 300 years living in filth, in rags, under a cemetery, not allowing himself any type of creature comforts because the cult believes that vampires are a tool of the Devil. In VC there’s a lot of themes of like, abstinence/absolution/penance and so I think there’s some thematic resonance here when it comes to like, forcing yourself to be uncomfortable because you think you deserve to be. And also just like, after a life of abandonment and trauma picking SOMETHING to have control over, even if it's not healthy.

- A huge theme in VC is also the concept of the vampire as the outsider, which is how the author intended it. So like all the ways vampires are on the outside of society or humanity is always kind of infused to the stories and I think same can be said for Keith being Galra!!!!! And in VC there’s always this thing about how like, the vampires all do terrible things and the stories still ask us to love them, and I think the vampires always eventually are just asking to be loved! They’re all just looking for love !!! And I MEAN. I MEAN???? KEITH????? 

- On a shallow note, smol angry bby lol 

- This is completely headcanon territory but I think they each have the same AUTISM CODING; both fandoms notice this lol. Just that they’re like, KINDA WEIRD AND PRICKLY? Don’t always understand social customs, often deadpan!  <3 Armand has a lot of sensory stuff in canon and I think we see this a TON in Sheith fic even though it’s never said specifically on the show that Keith probably gets sensory overload from his Galra traits.

So when it comes to fics, what I love about this is that like I’m sure you’ve noticed like there’s such a WIDE SPECTRUM of Sheith fic because they are so wholesome and support each other so much and are just such a beautiful ship? But then they also fit all the like smut tropes LMFAO like the size difference, the mentor/mentee, Shiro being daddy af, etc. So I think like if you were to read either of these VC ships you could sort of imagine a Sheith analog to make it make sense, whether you want it to be loving or if you just want NASTY DISRESPECTFUL SEX.  

Marius/Armand is a bit like canon Sheith in that there’s the age difference, the size difference, and it’s teacher/student. As an AU you can say: Shiro is an ancient lonely vampire who purchases a trafficked boy to be his apprentice. 

The catch here is like! Marius is a really polarizing character in VC fandom because he can be kind of an arrogant prick sometimes LOL. And he’s very obsessed with like, being patient and wise, and he tries REALLY HARD to be patient and wise but he’s actually kind of petty and has a temper. In a lot of ways, Shiro reminds me of like everything Marius WISHES he was. And like both characters are so obsessed with the concept of PATIENCE, even though Shiro is a bit better at it.

And Marius was ALSO abducted by DRUIDS 😭😩😩😩! Weird coincidence! But Marius was turned because he was taken hostage by some druids and forced into like a Wicker Man religious ritual where he was sacrificed to a vampire and turned against his will and he's real salty about it. IT JUST FEELS A LOT LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TO SHIRO, RIGHT? Except Shiro is like a modern person who knows how to do therapy or something.

So I think Marius/Armand fics could also fit the kinda Dark!Shiro trope that a lot of Sheith fics have. Like if you picture how Rifa or Aphor have written dark!Shiro LOL or even like how people characterize Kuron sometimes. Like, still Shiro, but, kind of a dark undercurrent happening. 

The other catch is that Armand and Marius get separated because they get their house raided by the cult (the one that eventually indoctrinates Armand) and they burnt the house down and it’s traumatic for everybody; Marius is severely injured and has to go into hiding for like 100 years to recover, and by the time he finds Armand again he just sees that he’s fully engaged with this cult and he decides to leave him alone and doesn’t risk trying to rescue him because he thinks Armand has like, found his place with them and he can't risk betrayal/rejection.

And like, this is never exactly in canon, but I just think it has so much to do with Why Armand is Like That, and why he has all these Daddy/Maker Issues, and 500 years later it’s why he’s so squeamish about turning Daniel and just cannot do it. 

SO I WOULD POSIT THAT THIS IS LIKE, THE DARK ALTERNATE UNIVERSE OF WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF SHIRO ACTUALLY GAVE UP ON KEITH?????? Like Keith would be fucking crushed, he’d never be okay again !!! 😭😭😭

But having said that, depending what era a fic is set in, Marius/Armand PRE-DISASTER is very much Sheith when it comes to like Daddy & Mentor stuff and that type of vibe. ALSO, IN CANON, A LARGE CHUNK OF THEIR TIME TOGETHER IN THE BOOK IS THEM HAVING BDSM LOL. So there’s that. 

Now! Armand/Daniel, on the other hand!!! imo fits really nicely into like Sheith fic tropes/fanon like FERAL KEITH and DISASTER GAY SHIRO. So the AU would be this: Shiro is a nerdy journalist trying to publish a book about vampires, and Keith is a weird creepy vampire who stalks and fucks with him for years until they start liking each other, Keith becomes his sugar daddy, Keith likes to watch him fuck people and they cry a lot because Keith doesn’t think they can be together and he loves Shiro so much he refuses to CURSE him with vampirism because he thinks of it as a CURSE! They do a lot of kinky stuff and need each other but also sort of resent each other.

And in this situation! The thing about it is that in VC canon, Daniel is the person who HEALS Armand the most!! He learns how to be a person again because he has Daniel!!!! AND SO I JUST THINK THIS TOO IS LIKE, SHIRO IS THE ONLY PERSON KEITH CAN BE HIMSELF AROUND, THE ONLY PERSON HE CAN BE VULNERABLE WITH, THE PERSON WHO GIVES HIM STRENGTH AND HELPS HIM BECOME A BETTER MAN!!!! And in some ways I think Daniel is that to Armand, as well, even if it’s in a real fucked up toxic kinda way because of all the stalking and alcohol abuse and whatnot LOL but I think imagining Disaster Gay Shiro can sorta give you a primer! It kinda reminds of that Sochi fic where Keith is a vampire ??? The “You need to eat something” and he hands Shiro a fucking TOMATO?? That fic LOL. 

Another way I would TLDR this is like, with the dynamic you want, do you want Vampire!Keith with Human!Shiro (Armand/Daniel) or Vampire!Shiro with Human!Keith (Marius/Armand) ? It changes the power dynamic significantly. I think again within the spectrum of Sheith fanon and the huge culture of fanfics we’ve written that there’s so much space for both to fit as Sheith, like if you want feisty feral Keith or if you want like vulnerable uwu bby Keith. LOL. 

One last thing that I think is important to mention LOL is that in the VC lore, the vampires are asexual! Once they become vampires, drinking blood is like THEIR WORLD and it’s so much better than sexual gratification that they lose interest in sex. A lot of VC fic doesn’t honor this but I fucking adore it as an asexual, so if you do decide to check any of my fics out they're gonna be fooling around and not often penetrative sex, because that’s how it is in canon! The vampires will still play with their food and sorta get their pets off but they don’t actually stick it in LOL. 

So I talked a lot, I’m not really sure if this answers your question LMAOOOO. If you did try to read any of my VC fics I think this kinda gives you a primer for the relationship dynamics even if misc canon events get dropped or hinted at that might be out of context. I’m always very happy to answer questions if something doesn’t make sense!

Regarding my most recent fic, what I think you’d need to know if you want to take a shot:

It takes place around part of the book where Marius and Armand have a huge fight that ends in a BDSM scene of Marius whipping him and Armand crying and stuff and then getting off lol and then they go out to a banquet and Marius kills a bunch of dudes in front of him, and all the dudes are saying lewd shit to Armand about what they want to do with him and how they want to fuck him and etc. 

For Armand & Daniel’s canon, one of the things that happens is that Armand makes Daniel fuck people while he watches, so I decided to ask like, what if this habit is something he LEARNED from Marius, and so I decided to write a fic about Marius watching people fuck Armand after the banquet incident.

Marius has sort of a group home for boys he rescues (but Armand is his fav that he’s grooming lol) so there’s a few mentions of that, and one of the boys is called Riccardo and he’s Armand’s best friend! You’ll also see a namedrop of someone called Bianca who’s this local woman that Marius is in love with lol. 

In the fic there’s also some fuckery like name drops of Andrei (Armand’s given name that he doesn’t even remember) and Ivan (his father that he also doesn’t remember) and there’s a scene with “THE PARENTS” aka Akasha and Enkil. And blah blah LONG STORY LMAO but Marius takes care of The Parents, and they’re like the first ever vampires who are so old as fuck and bored that they’re just catatonic in a shrine where he keeps them safe. And he goes to check on them and stuff and he wants Akasha’s approval so bad and wants her to give him a sign that he should turn Armand and she just is hardcore ignoring him and he’s upset lol. 

Also if this helps to know, Armand’s name is Amadeo if you see that in fics. Same guy! He changes his name to Armand later when he’s a vampire.

If you check out any Armand/Daniel fics they’re a lot more straightforward, I mostly just write porn about them LOL!!!!!! The book kinda glosses over the twelve years that Armand stalked & then bedded Daniel so my fics are just like trying to think about more details about what went on or think about individual incidents that might have happened. 

So yeah! 

THIS POST IS A MESS, I HOPE IT MAKES SENSE LOLLLLLLLLLL 

I got into VC when I was like 12 years old so it was such a blueprint for me for stuff I like and Marius has always been my favorite character so I think it’s got a lot to do with why I like Shiro so much. And Sheith fandom is such a strong community of writers and I feel like I’ve really thrived there as a fic writer, but I still make time to write about VC because it’s like my main home that I’ll never be able to get over. And I could talk about this all fucking day, I am a disaster!!! 

Anyway thank you so much, this was such a nice thing to say. :D Please talk to me about Sheith and vampires any time and if you do decide to read any vampire fics you can always ask if the details are confusing! But no pressure at all man sometimes like I just do NOT get other ships LOL. Like there are authors I love to death and it’s like I’m reading another language if I try to check out their other fics. 

And finally, re: teasers………….  flattery will get you everywhere, my friend:

“Oh,” Keith says. His temple grinds against the wall as he turns, trying to roll the stiffness out of his shoulders. And if Shiro is going to pretend to be collected, Keith can do that, too. He can be embarrassed that Kolivan walked in on him getting his ass beat later, but he can play it cool. “Hey.”

Shiro’s eyebrow quirks and he motions towards his upper lip, some attempt to be subtle and polite, but Kolivan speaks over it.

“You’re bleeding,” he says. His arms are folded behind his back and he stands straight up, yellow eyes taking stock of him, of the bots, of the mess in the room. 

Keith sniffles. He tastes the blood in the back of his throat. The tip of his nose tingles again and he tugs at the bottom hem of his t-shirt to wipe his face. Cold air hits his exposed belly, and Shiro’s smell gets stronger as he wipes his nose. Less diluted by metalic hint of his own blood. When he looks back up at them, the reality settles in. And Shiro looks small next to Kolivan, but the two of them together make Keith feel like a complete child.

Shiro’s fingers fidget against his helmet some more, and he glances up at Kolivan, watching him for a moment even as he speaks to Keith.

“We just wanted to... check on you,” he says. Keith wonders what Shiro would’ve said if they were alone. And wonder if the adrenaline slowly creeping out of his body would leave him feeling this vulnerable all of a sudden. He turns away from them, finds his discarded baton on the floor and puts it away as an excuse to busy himself. 

“I’m gonna go to the med bay,” he says, to spare Shiro the awkwardness of having to tell him to. He wipes his nose on the back of his hand and peeks at the red smear left behind. He tries to blow his nose on the hem of his shirt, not caring that he’s being disgusting. When he looks back up, Shiro’s face is that same diplomatic-neutral, doing his best not to respond. 

Being around Kolivan isn’t like being around the Paladins, though. Not like Shiro has to pretend Keith isn’t his favorite. Kolivan had called Shiro his mate last night. 

Keith hadn’t told Shiro that, though. Hasn’t seen him alone since. He wonders what Shiro and Kolivan have been talking about. What went on when they watched Keith get brutalized for hours. 

He’s still trying to be professional, though. Maybe he’s being submissive to Koilvan. Trying to show they’re not too horny to function in a fucking war. 

Your mate. Hah. Keith had been too tired to worry about it at the time. Now, he looks back and forth between them, rolling the word over and over in his head. What a strange thing to say.

The silence is awkward, and he wipes his hands on the tops of his thighs. His pajama bottoms still, and he realizes he’s not wearing shoes. He should leave, and has the excuse to, but the two of them are shoulder to shoulder in front of the door. 

“AI is never going to teach you,” Kolivan says. It’s simple, the way he speaks. The pitch of his voice crawls across Keith’s skin. “This program is not smart enough.”

Heat rises in his face. He rubs at his nose again, fidgeting, tasting the blood as it drips down the back of his throat. 

Before he can think of anything to say, Shiro is smiling, gesturing. “It’s good for keeping everyone in shape. The weapons programs help teach them proper form.”

“The whole team does this?” Kolivan asks.

Shiro looks from Kolivan to Keith, then back. Keith sniffles again and pinches at his nostrils.

“We have team exercises,” Shiro says. “Keith puts in some extra time on his own.”

Kolivan’s eyes sweep over the room. It twinges in Keith’s stomach, wondering if Shiro can tell where Kolivan is looking. He has to ask later, when they’re alone. But there’s that eerie feeling that Keith gets, in his spine, that he can read Kolivan’s eyes, even without pupils. It makes him wonder what Kolivan even sees. How he sees. 

And the idea of it dawns on him, the possibility peeling back and back that maybe one day he’ll be able to ask Kolivan about it. When they’re alone.

For a moment his mouth feels dry. He looks between the two of them again and it sets in that… he’s different now. 

Not just literally, like he’s an alien. Besides, he was an alien the whole fucking time and just didn’t know it. No, it’s the knowledge of it. Today is the first day he knows it. And it’s never going to be the same after this. Not really.

Being out here is fucked up. Getting involved was an accident. But. He’s here now. And here’s Kolivan, and Keith can ask him questions, and get to know the others. 

Shiro sneaks him a look, while Kolivan is inspecting the weapons rack. It’s an Are you okay? kind of look. 

Keith chuckles. He grabs a water as he starts heading towards the door. Claps Shiro on the arm as he passes by.

Who the fuck knows anymore. 

🫡

[raekensarcher]

2. 4. 9. 12. 24. 27. 36. 44. 50

omgs okay

2. lighter or matches?

lighter, matches and I have beef fr

4. which cryptyd being do you believe in?

I have actually never thought about ti, let me get back to u on this?

12. what kind of day is it?

a really really long one. but a good one? laughed a lot today. just got back from a work/fun trip in Nashville, had my first night out n bar hopped it was a lot of fun.

24. if we were together on a rooftop what would we be doing?

if its nighttime then stargazing n talking about the universe tbh. daytime, people watching for sure

27. about how many hours of sleep did you get?

uh last night I fell asleep at like 7/8ish, woke up at 10 and went back to sleep then my group got back to our place drunk as shit at 2am yelling so I stayed up w them for a little bit. so, the answer is not enough lmfao

36. how many times have you changed your url?

I think twice? but it was only bc it autocorrected raeken and I didn't notice it

44. you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

this feel so self incriminating haha

50. can I tag you in random stuff?

yes of course!!!!!! im trying so hard to be more interactive n stuff on here, but ive been so so busy the last three weeks so now I have to play catch up and my notifcations r so fucked but pls pls tag me in things I love it!!!!!

thank u for asking I adore u sm

[rv2xlga]

another rant: not persona related for the first time i think lol

ok so im back to rant on here as per usual, this time on my sister's computer which is where i do most if not all my websiting and not on my phone which is when you know it is very serious!

ok so as the title suggests, this rant ISNT! about persona 5 as ive been playing kingdom hearts and its been on my list for many, many years but my other sister finally got us a ps4 in nov of 2022 after so very long of us wanting one with her fafsa money and i managed to finish final mix.. now! very productive and not adhd-pilled of me whatsoever (i say incredibly sarcastically) but anywho, i finally finished final mix, as i've stated before and am now playing re:chain and i absolutely hate kingdom hearts' combat because it is so god damn unnecessary and pointless and horrible! but the long time hyperfixation and yaoi grind is so serious which i did not know soriku was so heavy in the game lmfao, my poor girl kairi she deserves so much better omg ToT but that's a whole different, much bigger conversation rant for another day..

but enough with long ass stupid intros, as a long time riku fan seeing his character and just how the overall story has played out so far aside from the ridiculous ass writinggg, i've been really impressed ngl! it has a lot of potential that it actually reaches, again, aside from the horriddd writing, the plot and ending in particular was very similar to revolutionary girl utena which is like. absolute peak everything for me lmfao honestly i wouldn't be shocked if it was inspired by it cuz they are soo many similarities, i kept even pointing it out to my sis (who HASN'T watched it yet very unfortunately!) cuz im such a nerd lmao. and especially with riku, im very happy he's even IN the game first of all cuz compared to most of my other sillies... like rip to my girl akechi you deserved so much better.. but anywho anywho, i really love riku's character and everything his character represents ESP from what i've seen in the com gba ver which i don't know if that passes to re:com, which is the ver im playing but i really hope so cuz i've seen some clips and he is, ugh such an amazing character so yes. im going to deep dive here with revolutionary girl utena, specifically anthy and akio as my basis for most of this lmaosdbhh (rgu spoilers and kh too of course)

i know im very crazy with how i jump to conclusions and try to "analyze" characters and all that, even from as young as i can remember myself i've always thought like. wayy too much its honestly very embarrassing but there's personally a lot of similarities between akio and anthy's whole dynamic that reminds me of riku and diz and ansem, whatever that whole mess is. i know diz isn't essentially a villain from what i've heard and seen and searching more about it now to double check what i'd be saying on here isn't complete nonsense, i forget kingdom hearts is legit nonsense and i clearly do not know much to anything at all about diz and ansem and whatever tf is happening there omglj ToT but but i will try my very best and to differentiate, ill be calling the actual ansem diz and the ansem in final mix just ansem so its easier for everyone involved lol and again ill mostly be focusing on parallels of rgu to final mix but overall, talking mostly about riku (my baby :3) yayy!

its so crazy how the final mix plot went to me, again im actually just very shocked with kingdom hearts' storylines and stuff in general. i imagine not much thought was put behind it as the writing. speaks for itself but it is actual very nuanced and again, has a lot of potential it actually reaches or could reach which is like. gold mine for me! we know that in rgu, akio is very blatantly harassing and abusing anthy in all forms, even the people around her, succumbing to the abuse he had endured throughout all his life really giving him no purpose or real reason as we see and are made to imply in episode 39 and the last scene with anthy as she leaves the school, he has nothing to really back up why anthy should stay, as of course they never will be any real reason to it aside from the abusive cycle that they're in specifically he is stuck in, having to make it everyone else's problem from lack of growth and realization (which still doesn't excuse any of his horrid actions, but was practically impossible for him to do but that is a pretty bigger conversation for what we have here to discuss today). it reminds me a lot of ansem and his connection with riku, how he used riku's body and how ansem's "motive" is never really mentioned in final mix, not that much can really be deciphered with all that darkness-hearts talk anyway but you know. and mind you, i know there's a lot more lore that goes into ansem and the reason for his existence, him being a heartless and all, same with diz and the actual ansem so again, i won't be really going into how ansem and akio are similar as individuals but just as their roles in the respective main storyline of final mix (ive stated that way too much times by now, curse you adhd) riku's body being used as just another vessel to ansem and the "darkness" that was inside of him was only really possible because riku was an easily susceptible child, as children are obviously going to be, and ansem used this position of innocence and hashtag childlike wonder lol to be able to use him and manipulate him to do his bidding, essentially. even after everything, when sora is inside that egg (for reasons i havent yet to know!) which can parallel what happens to utena at the end of rgu, riku/anthy are still in the shadows of their abusers to even save their loved one, as unfortunate as it is. it is just like the door scene with riku and sora which is extremely similar to the rgu door scene (which is when all these similarities really hit me lol), both riku and anthy are inside the door or coffin or whatever the case and they are the ones that have to be saved but it ends up being the other way around as again, the abusive cycle is continuous and unfortunately, ever affecting but it is a very big part to break free from this cycle that you try to grow, into a better person as riku and anthy did. again, they were still connected to their abusers, each to their respective cases but they were actively seeking freedom by putting love first and not just romantic love, but love at all, in all of its forms (such a nuanced thing, lol no pun intended but yes i do love that topic very much) which is something abusers do not have, as someone who is currently in a situation like this, a lot can be said from personal experience.

i think it's interesting to view how riku viewed the "ansem in his heart" as just an amalgamation of fear and abuse of all those unfortunate things. the ansem that he was scared of, not diz/the real deal, was a lot more of a disgusting type of person, someone who was "darker, more foul" as the ansem he knew was a literal heartless being, literally. and diz was able to use this fear to his advantage by being insanely creeping and threatening to him (which is where we can see abusers are still human at the end of the day) when riku could've "choose between darkness and light" or he could've realized his specialness, in a much nicer more peaceful way lol and i don't just say that cuz the combat is awful or as jokes, i genuinely mean it. and in all that, that is the literal definition of abuse! same as what akio did and even with akio's character as his prince self and his present self, we are made to believe they are two different ppl bc of how much he gave into that abuse and let it consume him, he became a monster, someone completely different in his entirety (which i fucking love that btw). and again, i know that is not the case with ansem and diz because they are literally two different people but you can't argue the general ideas are similar and the nuisances/themes are and could be there, i think it works really well for an abuse allegory. using sora, what he held very dear as anthy did utena or just the general idea of a genuine love and connection for them both which is obviously what the care and love stems from, to get riku to do his bidding, changing riku by almost entirely just to discard him later and only focus on what really threatened his power, or abusive cycle in reality (cuz ik the ansem drama goes a lot more serious and family oriented and all that lol), which was sora and in akio's case, utena (by keeping them in "eternal slumbers" in the places that they are situated in or around/familiar with). even to the way that riku treats sora in final mix, which i know isn't really him but his sort of detachment to him is very similar to anthy and how she would treat utena. which really isn't just comphet but it is something much, much bigger than that that doesn't really involve utena much when you really look at it. it is a very general sort of detachment and indifference that comes with abuse i really wished more people talked about because abuse is not just some funny little joke or something to be easily looked over! for the love of god, i am ating at so many things rn good lord. but his detachment towards sora was just his brain numbing to the abuse, losing that sense of love and almost sanity and even humanity to look at it that way, just as what happened to anthy and her barely-any-sense-of personality. like unfortunately it's still riku and it was still him, even if very little but he was still there and what we were seeing there was just the abuse and manipulation taking him over or the abuser and abusive cycle taking them over just as what akio became due to his abusers and cycle, once again as it is continuous, and what ansem's literal existence was and meant. they were or had just become amalgamations of the "darkness" in ones' hearts, the bad things and i think the game like com itself showing that you are a mix of them both and you have to balance them both is very beautiful because yes, unfortunately you can never be truly cured even more so when it has affected you even from childhood, you have to just live with it but you can grow and be a better person because you are human and you have broken free from this cycle and have control over your own life. hopefully this makes sense, i really don't wanna come off any sort of way. writing this all makes me realize it is a very messy and nuanced topic even to describe it which.. makes me love it even more lol.

ima attach some lines here i got from this website online of a let's play lmfao cuz im lowkey losing my train here ugh, fuck adhd omg. but update while writing. i am currently rereading after like an hour and it kinda came back to me. sorry if the next paragraph is kinda random and already has some topics i have already introduced previously I REALLY DO HATE ADHD but i wouldn't be here without it would i now....

seeing more of the lines now, the words and nuisances of the things he says are genuinely soo abusive oml. there's just a lot of potential like i've stated so many times at this point, within the game. as someone with a few personality disorders, black and white morality is such a big issue with me and i feel like the whole darkness and light thing especially with how they handle it with riku can fit really well into that too. i headcanon riku with ocpd, something i have because i was really shocked with how much i resonated with his character and how much i see him struggling with that. him not being able to understand how him and sora and kairi could've came to one (agreement terms i mean, lord) and taking such drastic measures with everything and being so avoidant with the things around him, even with how he had such a want for a bigger worldwide and viewed himself as if he had so much more hopes and dreams compared to kairi and sora due to the simplicity of his innate thinking and again, took such drastic measures to achieve that and even prove it, even if it was mostly unwillingly, he was able to be easily manipulated because aside from being a child, his "larger worldview" was easy to crumble because it is just built on excessive thinking and the constant need for answers (which very much reflects perfection and obsessiveness that is the biggest issues with ocpd) which is very unstable because life isn't really like that and when you can't snap yourself into this realization or have no one else to really do it for you, trust me if you don't suffer through ocd or similar things like that yourself, it is difficult asf lemme tell you that. obsession doesn't really get you anywhere and that even goes into abuse and abusers' obsessions with whatever their "motives" are. it's strange because it doesn't really make any sense as their "motives" are never really real motives and can never really be described but that is just its nature because it is nonsensical and is just a result of overdrive and it kills, as simple as that.

ok so i have a lot more kingdom hearts related-thoughts and analyses aside from all my various other cringe, nerdy thoughts (we don't discuss the intrusive or sexual ones my friends) but i think i've ranted enough for today, another mid-way update but lost my train again, but this is the longest i've ever ranted for, definitely had to get it off my chest that's for sure lol. but aside from the ranting, i hope to use tumblr more, just to be on my own but i hope to post more doodles and art related shit on here as i hopefully figure out how to work my tumblr around and all that so it's easier to post from my phone and stuff without getting the computer and eventually losing all my energy :P yes, i will be cooking up rgu au for kingdom hearts like just doodles is what is to take from all this. sorry if it doesn't make much sense i tried my best fhfdshk

[hypnagogics]

Sorry in advance for the rant ahead,

I’ve been trying to get into Alice In Chains!! i just don’t know where to start and I get stressed about it lol, and my brother really likes smashing pumpkins!! should I give them a try?

OKAY so kimya dawson is kinda a folky singer, she sings about really depressing topics but at the same time it feels nostalgic and sweet, this one song she made ‘I love you sweet baby’ reminds me of Ellie, Dina, and JJ!!

But her songs I like are loose lips, tree hugger, fire, the beer, being cool, I like giants, my mom, I miss you, tire swing, the competition, and lullaby for the taken!! they’re super sweet but really sad

I’ve also been listening to a bunch of punk feminist bands!! I love sorry mom and mommy long legs, they’re really good and I could make an entire rant talking about how much I love their music

And the slipknot songs I’ve been listening to have been wait and bleed, eyeless, duality, and psychosocial!!

ALSO sorry mom is really stoner!ellie coded

Omg I’ve been listening to chappell roan and mindless self indulgence too!!

I have too many different artists I love, it’s all over the place.

sorry for rambling!! it feels really good to just yap about the stuff I’m really interested in omg, sorry for making you read this

~🦈🦈

HUSH DONT APOLOGIZE I LOVE INBOX DISCUSSIONS THE MOST. best form of communicating, anything more personal stresses me out LMFAO. im not really a big AIC fan or know much of their stuff but i definitely recommend "dirt" lol, my favorite songs from it are "rooster" and "would"! ascending to another dimension when i listen to em fr...i adoreeeee(heh, adore tsp reference) smashing pumpkins and definitely think you should give them a listen!! their popular albums are very iconic and revolutionary for a reason, but i really like all of their stuff. (except like one album🧍‍♂️) ive said this a million times but my #1 favorite tsp song is "ava adore" so i do recommend that to literally everyone, and i think a good starter album is "siamese dream". my favorites from that album are: "geek usa", "quiet", & "today". this kimya dawson sounds interesting, ill give those a listen!! i love nostalgic sounding things sm <3 especially if you say it's dellie family coded😭 punk feminist bands are very iconic and important, love to see it. i haven't heard of either, but am intrigued how you say it's stoner ellie coded...im not a pop listener like at all, but i love chappell's aesthetic and her vibes a lot. yeah no music taste is such a cool thing and unique to everyone!! i love talking about music and discovering new gems, and it's depressing to know that ill never be able to listen to everything that's out there...thank you for sharing nonnie. it's ok, we all need a good ramble from time to time, and i like reading it all!

[1d1195]

i am excited !! the bride is one of my oldest friends, we’ve known each other since we were babies and im super psyched for her, what im gonna wear well…😭 i got this superrrr gorgeous dress which was like moss green with pinkish flowers on the bodice and it had a corset and it was just so pretty, totally giving forest fairy princess, right ?? IT CAME BROKEN D: it was missing a strap ?? (it was NOT a strapless dress😭, it literally had one side with the strap intact and the other was just…gone) returned it ofc and i have a different dress coming in the mail so i’ll let you know how that looks when it gets here

no bc ten in ONE year is a LOT i don’t blame you at all i think id quit them altogether if it got that far LMFAO

summer school sounds like a blast tbh, it seems way more chill than ur average school day and i think summer at a beach is SO awesome, i hope u have a great time !!! honestly i have nothing planned except the wedding so far haha so honestly i don’t really know ?? i don’t work at the moment so until school starts im pretty free. this is actually my first time going back in a hot minute, my family traveled a lot when i was growing up (they’re both immigrants so we’d go back and visit family n stuff) and it kind of messed with my school and during one of our longer trips (a couple of years) when we came back to the states i just never went back and finished so now im trying to go back and get my GED (long overdue lmao) !! i always really loved school and ive been dreaming of going back since i stopped (can you say nerd🤣) but i am kind of scared to go back when ive been out of the game for so long😭 but hopefully it’ll be okay !

if all goes well after that, i have no clue what id like to major in. i feel like the kinds of things im interested in people wouldnt necessarily approve of yk ?? id love to major in something like psychology or english but those are the degrees i ALWAYS see people making fun of and calling pointless💔😭 who even knows if I’ll make it that far though ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

hope you’re doing amazing !!

~🎶

I'm sure your new dress is just as pretty but the green and floral fairy look sounds so pretty! I'm sorry it didn't come in tact, that's the WORST.

I'm so sick of weddings tbh. And bridal showers. And baby showers. I'm probs just bitter because I won't be having any of it, but ya know. I've enjoyed every wedding and shower that I've been too. They're all cute and fun but I simply cannot afford this anymore. I'm saying no to my first wedding invite in years--it's too far away and as much as I would love to make a trip of it, I can't do it. It's too much for my stress addled mind.

Learning isn't linear and if it's time to get your GED now, then it truly doesn't matter. That's amazing you're going back and it's awesome that you're interested in it! You're going to do amazing (also if you have any math questions let me know, I love math lol) I'm sure you'll settle right back into things as soon as you get back in the classroom. You're going to do so well, it's amazing you're doing this for yourself. I think it's huge and important and I love that for you! You're talking to Miss Nerd herself over here. There's no such thing! I love school much I chose to teach so I didn't need to leave! There's nothing wrong with enjoying school anymore than not enjoying school. Some people love it, some people don't. I'm happy for you!!! 💕

You gotta do what you like. Psych and English are great choices. They're interesting to you and that's what matters most. You'll figure the rest out as you go along! I would love to go back to school and be a full time student and just collect degrees like Pokemon cards. I would love a psych degree. I think I would be a good therapist lol. Anything you decide to do is not pointless. People that say stuff like that are unhappy with their own lives because they chose to follow something they weren't passionate about. I can relate as you don't know how many people tell me I should have done more than be a teacher and "those who can't do, teach" which is like a knife to my heart every time I hear it. But even if I WERE to placate the idea and agree for two seconds that some degrees are "pointless" someone has to do the job required of those degrees. So how pointless is it really? English and Psych are so important for mental health fields, creative fields, just general societal norms. There's a reason every college student has to take English 101 and Psych classes for anything they pursue.

I hope that doesn't sound offensive. It's meant to sound more like "it's not pointless, in fact it's so pointed, you have to do it because that's what you want and that's more than enough."

HEY I GOT A NEW SONG FOR US. I was watching a show on Netflix and it hit me like a truck! PIRATE RADIO* Jean Dawson I don't know how to describe it, it's just like this romantic/whimsical song. I hope you'll know what I mean if you decide to listen to it!

Hope you're having a good start to your week! 💕💕

xoxo

[intergalactic-chameleon]

gender thoughts: friendships with straight boys + girls

i've sort of talked about this before but god being able to make friends or just silly conversation with boys, especially straight boys, really is something that is fun for me. in general, i dont really care about straight men -- i far prefer queer men, and i look up to them way more that i would a straight man (excluding celebrity actor men that i like lol). but regardless, sometimes, having some silly goose banter with another straight guy that i deem Okay enough to enable myself to talk to can be such a special little treat for me. i grew up loving being friends with boys, and had many successful friendships with them, but especially as i went into middle school, rarely did the majority ever truly want to be my friend back. either they had feelings for me that were unwanted/not reciprocated OR more often than not, they just... didn't care. they didn't see me as a Real friend probably bc didn't see me as a viable dating candidate AND i would not dumb myself or my morals down for them to see me as "one of the good ones." and it fucking sucked!! guys in high school were absolutely atrocious when it came to feminism/LGBT stuff which was super disheartening.

but now that im in college (even tho it's ending soon), i feel a lot more... respected as a human being than before. which isn't saying a lot lol, straight men still are misogynist and bigoted in various other ways which make them unappealing to me. but i noticed as soon as i transferred to art school last year, men and women were far more integrated than what i had seen in high school. and seeing that really renewed my faith in making friends with another man, even tho i still probably will stick with queer men as my buddies for my sanity's sake.

in the perspective of my genderqueer identity, getting to positively interact with other masculine people (including men of course) feels so EUPHORIC... even if the other person only sees me as a Girl, i still express myself pretty openly and authentically if given the chance and i feel like they respond well to it. i've noticed a couple guys that ive interacted with once or a few times before that give me a glance while walking past me every now and then, as if to say "i think you're cool. im probably not gonna try and talk to you cuz im shy and unsure if i actually wanna be friends or not, but you intrigue me." of course, i may just be projecting what i Want them to think hahaha. but i swear, when i talk to straight boys like they're my equal, i think that genuinely makes an impression on them. and so they wonder about me. straight boys wanna be my friend but they're emotionally repressed and/or dont deserve my friendship!! and honestly? i kinda... dig that. lmfao. feels like i have the upper hand for once in my life. i swear im not being delusional HAHA.

but yea, anyway... i was just thinking about this because masculinity is weirdly important for me. being able to express it while in camaraderie with someone else is !!! so exciting! feels like im making up for lost time all those years that my male peers rejected me, forcing me to only really interact with girls. and just to be clear, i didn't have a problem with girls at all. they were a far better option than the boys so ofc p much all of my friends were girls for a very long time and expressing myself femininely wasn't like, totally inauthentic. but since i felt like girls were my only choice back in the day, that lead me to sort of repress any masculinity i wanted to express because i knew a lot of girls wouldn't "get" it. i've always felt different from most girls in general - being queer and neurodivergent and all - and trying to fit in with any of them who had any semblance of popularity (and who were usually very pretty + feminine) just... never really worked. to this day, i just dont feel feminine enough to really connect to the vast range of girls i've come in to contact with. a lot of them have access to a certain kind of social capital that i just never will be able to access simply by being more feminine that me. which is ok, i like spending my time exclusively with queer, trans, gnc, neurodivergent people. but yea, i've always kind of felt like an outsider to the womanhood that a lot of my cis female peers seem to experience, yet i don't exactly feel explicitly left out. this outsider experience is voluntary in a lot of ways because i know this experience just isnt exactly for me. womanhood as i know it is very informed by heterosexual dynamics and compulsory femininity and that just isn't my vibe at all!

[incorrect-league-of-villains]

What's your opinion on Hawks killing Twice and still supporting Endeavor? How do see the DabiHawks ship after this? (for example I only ship them outside of canon now. Are you the same or do you think their relationship is salvageable in canon?)

I hope I don't come across as mean, I'm just curious about your opinion. I don't hate Hawks or anything, I'm just disappointed in how his character was handled.

honestly i’m pretty exasperated with Hawks in the manga bfhjgfhgjf his endeavor worship grates on my nerves and what’s worse is that it’s never called out that his worship is wrong or blindsided

everything to do with endeavor in the manga rn makes me want to bash my head into a wall <333 i dont WANT to sympathize with the stinky old man please hori

(rest under the cut)

i’ve fallen out of the dabihawks ship quite a bit and every chapter that goes by without a hawks mental breakdown is one chapter closer to me giving up in shipping their canon characters :( i’m still looking forward to seeing their fight in the anime but as far as interactions go it doesn’t feel like we’ll get any more meaningful ones and my heart feels strung out after 2+ years of waiting for them to interact again lol

i got into the fandom right around when the dabihawks fight happened so you can imagine how it was all downhill from there

i also dont appreciate hawks killing twice that was very mean of him >:( seriously though it makes sense for his character thus far and i’m fine with it storytelling-wise, even though i personally don’t feel it was morally correct and i do love twice. hoping toga and/or dabi kicks his ass later down the line

so yes you could say i only ship them outside of canon (even if “outside of canon” is just like. hawks being a teeeeeny bit more flexible with his morality and being willing to let go of his hero worship. i feel like those two things are necessary for anything to happen other than one night stands and those were debatable before the whole press conference/hospitalization/hawks backstory arc where it became clear that hawks wasn’t about to have any epiphanies)

still holding onto hope that hawks will break down but like kinda halfheartedly hhh i’ve lost faith over the years

if it DID happen i might start shipping their canon counterparts again. maybe.

i get what you mean, i don’t hate hawks but i kinda just feel annoyed whenever i see him in the manga nowadays because it’s always the same thing if him just being a mouthpiece for endeavor’s redemption and baby you’re better than this i know you can be better hori give his character arc to me and like 50% of fanfic authors/meta writers i promise we’ll treat him well

i get what you mean, i don’t hate hawks but i kinda just feel annoyed whenever i see him in the manga nowadays because it’s always the same thing if him just being a mouthpiece for endeavor’s redemption and baby you’re better than this i know you can be better hori give his character arc to me and like 50% of fanfic authors/meta writers i promise we’ll treat him well

[lumoslesbians]

Hi so long story short shipping jesslupe and the way its made me imagine my butch4butch dreams for the first time is making me realize i for sure want to get sober bc ive been numbing out bc i haven’t been being myself and i wanna explore being my #trueself while im actually mentally present for it but addiction is a thing sooooooo im going to rehab later this week

And i decided im gonna become a contributing fandom member fucking finally while im there lol

My resources are limited i will not have internet access for a while

But theres still so much i can do music, writing, art stuffs

So im gonna keep a running list of things i wanna try to work on while im there and im posting it to hold myself accountable

Plus representation fucking matters and my story as a jewish queerio child of queer mamas and person who’s been put away in the psych system and stuff like that is super valid and matters

Idk im rly nervous about going to rehab sorry im being a nerd lol just tryna psych myself up

But some things i would looove to work on are:

-drawings! And paintings! I rly just wanna try to art, i need to find pics probably and print them out for reference bc i wont have internet there lmfao *shows up to rehab with a giant stack of pictures of girls playing baseball nbd*

-a friends to lovers fic idk what genre yet but i just wanna ok

-a song about how jesslupe has awakened this ferocious butch4butch energy in me lmao nobody can stop me

-a fantasy au fic! Idk what yet maybe crossover maybe just witchy vibes but something spoopy and fun :))

-a fic with a song in it that im gonna write that one if them writes about the other in the ficverse NOBODY CAN STOP ME FROM BEING THE EMO BITCH I AM DEEP DOWN🖤

-i kind of want to write a fic about them meeting in a psychiatric setting is that so fucked???😬 like i dont wanna inflict that on u all but i feel like it could be rly healing to write idk if i will publish this one lol

-fic where someone is coaching someone else on how to flirt with girls, with the obvious undercurrent that they are both in fact girls and so maybe theyre actually just flirting with each other? this is inspired by my bff and ex who i was talking with the other day and had this dynamic with and we were laughing about it and i was like lmao im writing a jesslupe fic about this so now i have to so i can show her😊

-pwp idk what yet but if im gonna dive in might as well be on the deep end amiright🤷🏻

-gender stuff of any and all mediums just like all the butch/enby feels are gonna get artified

-a personal essay about aloto and my experience watching it with my mamas and realizing so much about my own queer identity but also still having so many questions

-a jo/maybelle fic that is deeply emotional but also gratuitously porny sorry not sorry😂 (what is this ship called bc i vote joybelle)

[aliens-took-my-iwa-chan]

i saw you needed some positivity so i am here to send some! also how are things going with you?? why'd you need some positivity? also if im asking too much im sorry, or if you dont wanna talk about it here you can also dm me

i recently sent in the rant about castiel being my blorbo, so here's some more about him and a bit about my other blorbo also from spn- ok so everytime i see cas on screen i just start smiling a lot (same with my new blorbo) like i mean he's so pretty?? i love his personality?? hes just really cool?? okok so the newest blorbo -- gabriel, also an (arch)angel, mc's thought he was a 'trickster' (demigod that can create things) for a while but they were wrong- anyways on to my simping kinda short (but still taller than me) but we like that, he's also pretty a fckn sweet-tooth (like me) BRO I LOVE LOVE LOVE HIS SENSE OF HUMOR (at one point he teleported the "mc's" to "tv land" and i *loved* that episode) theres more but i can hold it in-

tbh i just love the angels (who aren't assholes)

anyways- this is a bit of a long one omg- sorry about rambling again- (even if its allg to ramble im still gonna apologize lol)

yay positivity!!!! :D (oh im so sorry I didn’t mean to worry you, Ive just had a difficult past two weeks and realizing the next two are going to be just as rough was a little disheartening. just a *lot* of stuff to do, no free time whatsoever, and many, many deadlines :/ its nothing too bad, and after these next two weeks everything should hopefully be better!! it just kinda got to me lolol) (im sorry for worrying you, youre so sweet tho I appreciate your concern <3333)

oooo nice more blorbo rambles!!!!!!! :D /pos oooooo that sounds lovely!!!!! hehe your enthusiasm is contagious hfjdjf im getting excited for you just reading this- ^-^

ooooo another blorbo!!!!!!!!!! jfjgjdjf he sounds so cool???? the characters in this show sound so amazing and cool and how can (arch?)angels not be cool hahahshfbf- THE BEST CHARACTERS ARE ALWAYS THE ONES WITH A SWEET TOOTH AND A SENSE OF HUMOR-

pls dont feel sorry for rambling, I’m always happy to hear it!!!!! <333333333

*piles a plate high with cookies and hands it to you*

(oh btw what are your favorite cookies I need to know for urgent matters) (psst its not that urgent Im just interested lmfao)