#that's just a categorization tag at this point i don't think i'm weird for thinking like this

[gillianthecat]

.

Although I hadn't been particularly following Build or the Kinnporsche actors in general, that show was my entry point into BL fandom and I still see a lot about it and the actors crossing my dash. I tend not to seek out behind the scenes or "real life" information about actors (with occasional exceptions of hyper-fixations on specific people) and stay well aware that I know next to nothing about what actors and their relationships are really like, that what they show about themselves is crafted and intentional and may or may not reflect reality. And so I was slightly surprised to find myself feeling emotionally discombobulated by the news coming out about Build and Poi.

I do not know what happened, and I offer no opinions and guesses on what actually happened, and who in their circles knew what. This post is about me, not them.

I have the urge, always, to know what's happening, to seek out information, to understand the truth of the matter. I thought could stay "neutral" about this, that is, not seek out information but calmly consume what came across my dash. But I just now filtered all the relevant tags I could think of. I want to understand, but the truth is simply not available to me right now. And may never be. And while a part of me feels like it's disrespectful to the victim, whoever they maybe, to not want to know the truth of what happened, the fact is my knowing or not knowing doesn't change a thing about their lives. They don't know me, I have no power over their lives, and that is how it should be.

I think I find this upsetting for a couple reasons. First, I did like Build as an actor. He was the one in the cast who's acting I found most compelling, who seemed the most skilled to me, and I have been curious to see what he does next. So there is that feeling of loss, or worry about loss, that if these allegations turn out to be true, I will not get that. Because even if he gets to keep acting (although the climate for a relatively unknown Thai BL actor is very unlike that for someone like CK Louis so I suspect if the allegations are true he wouldn't get more work) I would not be able to watch him anymore, and so that would be a loss. And, even though I hadn't thought I'd had expectations for him as a person (and even less so after I'd heard bits and pieces about previous bad behavior of his) I am surprised to find I do have a sense of betrayal about it. He does seem like a nice guy. I do like the way he presents himself, at least in the little bits I've seen.

And of course, abuse is just unpleasant. Thinking about real people hurting each other of course is going to make me feel unhappy. In fiction, it's safely contained, there's a narrative arc, and no real people were actually harmed, so I can analyze it, get in my feelings about it. But with rumors of abuse by real people, there is no catharsis available.

And then lastly, there is the confusion of it all. They both have bad reputations in some way or other, there is evidence presented that may or may not be credible, I'm getting everything third or fourth hand and through at least one layer of translation that may or may not be accurate. Fans have strong opinions on either side, "she is a known awful person and so she must be lying," "she posted photos so he must be guilty," and I get overwhelmed by the certainty they show, the stregnth of the connection they seem to feel for these actors and writers they don't know personally.

Most of the people I follow have much more measured takes, recognizing that we (that is, everyone outside of Poi and Build and their inner circles) don't actually know what's happening, but it's only natural to have opinions and guesses about it. And I'm finding that even reading those makes me feel like I too should know what's happening, even though I don't need to and in fact it's impossible for me too. My internal tension between, believe victims, accusations are rarely lies versus everything I've read about her makes her sound like an abusive harasser versus of course that doesn't mean that she's lying and abusers can also be abused themselves versus I don't know what stories that I've read about any of them are actually true. And perhaps a few of the facts I could verify, but, as I said above, it wouldn't help me understand much more and only make me feel worse.

I was reluctant to post anything, because I don't want to add to the speculations and unfounded opinions about this, or clutter up the dashes of anyone else trying to avoid the topic altogether. But I decided for my own sake I needed to get this stuff out of my head and onto the page, so here it is. Not sure if any of the words make sense or manage to convey what I'm feeling, but at least its not rattling around in my brain poisoning my mood.

You are all welcome to come talk to me about your feelings about this news, and how it's affecting you personally, although I'd prefer not to get speculation about what happened, or opinions on who is telling the truth.

[thecagedsong]

You know, it's kinda funny. I keep getting comments with weird backhanded parts. Like I'll get a review that's "WOW you're such a good writer, I'm hooked! Even if it is tagged as a romance and has a bad ship, this story is worth all that :)"

I'm glad my craft is appreciated to the point that it's appeal is across genres and ship preferences, but I'm left feeling odd and unsure of how to respond.

It would be one thing if they said "not usually my preferred genre/pairing, but I love the way you're writing it." Those reviews are awesome and I adore them. These ones are different, just making straight fact statements that my genre and ship are bad for some reason.

I like writing romances because of the personal emotional depth that the romance genre explores that others don't. Because in a romance, the adventure and magic comes down to "This person means the world to me, and I will make sure we can spend our lives together because that's what happiness is." Its in the romance plots that the message is that you can be offered the entire world and everything you thought you wanted, but realizing that all you need actually need is the love and support of your chosen companion. This emphasizes some of the main themes of Fairy Tail, and I genuinely think canon suffers from not developing and exploring the romance subplots better.

I like writing Loke/Lucy romance because flirty dialogue is the bomb, Loke isn't afraid to be silly and Lucy isn't afraid to be too serious, and because I'm in love with the idea of your word binding your soul and your word being something can't be broken without serious consequences for the mere act of breaking it. There are very few pairings that let me explore that, and Nalu isn't one of them no matter how much I love Nalu on a normal day.

Like, my reviewing friend, the dove is dead. The frameworks you're "suffering" through are actually functionally what makes this story as good as it is.

I usually just say "hey, don't knock a genre or ship categorically, glad you can appreciate the way I write this one. Thanks!" but does anyone else have thoughts on this? This is the first time I've had these kinds of reviews, I'm curious how others respond.

[pastafossa]

how long did it take for your fanfiction to start getting some recognition? did you "advertise" it or "promote" it in any way?

i know that people say this doesn't matter, but i feel like even if you love writing the feeling that you're just talking to yourself gets pretty exhausting at some point. so i'm not talking about having thousands of readers but rather like. what's your advice to have readers at least?

- someone who hasn't even started writing their ideas yet...

LONG POST INCOMING.

First I want you (and everyone else reading who may be struggling with this) to know I'm absolutely with you and generally think 'it doesn't matter' is a horseshit answer. It's this weird thing we do in fanfic that we generally don't apply to other artforms that I've seen. If you're a painter, a playwriter, a novel writer, and you say, 'I want at least a few people to love my paintings, I want some people to come see my play, I want my novel to be published and do at least ok' we all support them, we nod, we agree, we talk about how they can do that successfully. It's considered normal to want some amount of success. But hold up fanfic instead and it becomes, 'how dare you want that praise, you're being egotistical, you should be writing only for yourself'. I'm not saying you can't do that - there are some who do - but it's definitely this bizarre switchup to say there's this single artform in which we can't want attention on our work and that there's something wrong with us if we do. That can be an absolute creativity killer depending on what kind of writer you are (hi, extrovert writer here who only gets writy writy juice from social interaction - aka comments and discussion. So I totally get it being exhausting just doing this on your own).

So let me say this categorically: you're allowed to want things. You're allowed to want kudos, comments, and hits. You're allowed to want messages and asks. You're allowed to want some readers you can talk with about your story.

You. Are. Allowed.

Ok, now that that's out of the way.

Edit: more below the cut cause I didn't realize the length of this on mobile

TRT definitely didn't get popular overnight. The first four chapters were sporadic, and then I took a hiatus due to life things for a couple years. During that time, it kept slowly ticking up bit by bit on AO3, with occasional comments. Iirc it was hovering somewhere around 700 kudos by the time I came back in Jan 2021 - and that's a awesome! It's big! But it's also a number that was gained over a few years, to put it in perspective. It absolutely took off after I came back though, and over the past 2 years both TRT's popularity and the stats of my one-shots in the fandom have grown. Part of that's just the time frame (TRT's been up about 6 years), but it's also due to a couple things that I think built up TRT's popularity.

Building a tumblr presence was huge. Ironically I didn't really intend to do it for advertising; I just wanted a place readers could ask questions or we could all freak out about Matt or I could post some drabbles or updates on the fic. But considering the fact that AO3 and tumblr are the top fic sites online, I wound up promoting my fics unintentionally just by being a friendly, happy tumblr user and fandom goer. All I did was follow the courtesy rules I knew - post stuff regularly, reblog, comment, make friends with other writers, just be friendly in your neighborhood because you love the lady with the gif flower shop on the corner or the wise old pizza maker who serves hot fandom takes all day long. I built familiarity with my writing and name by posting short fics, and by taking part in challenges and prompt lists and short requests for drabbles if I saw them, though that's something that's hard to do if you don't have time (I've got less time now, but I started this blog in the early pandemic so I had aaaaall the time in the world to write and was using it to stay sane). I tagged religiously because I LOVE tags, but that helped, too. Tumblr's search system is half broken but the half that works means people CAN find your writing even if they aren't following. Doing all this over here got me a huge boost over on AO3.

I will say that if you can have a fandom tiktok presence, there's a lot of fic reviewers, edits, and good stuff that can get your fic some readers (I've had some people do this on tiktok for TRT and it sent a surge over). I personally haven't done anything there yet, in part because while I'm on tiktok I try to keep my actual, real person accounts separate from my fic/fandom accounts and i haven't bothered to make a second account solely dedicated to the Pasta name yet.

Longfics on AO3 have the advantage in fic stats in the sense that every time you add a chapter, it gets bumped to the top of the front page and you get seen again. Eventually a lot of people will click out of curiosity. They may not, however, give you a lot of user subs or add to your other fic stats at first, whereas if you do a bunch of oneshots you're more likely to get user subs but less hits on each fic. This is a decision you'll have to make, and I know folks in both camps who built their followings using different methods on each. Either way, it helps if you're posting regularly, either in a long fic or one-shots. I call this the Stephen King method, who said he just writes a ton and throws it all at the wall, and eventually you get enough good despite the bad that you start building a following.

Learn learn learn. This is standard fic advice I always give, but it's still relevant. I think one of the reasons imo TRT has done so well is that I've spent a lot of time over the years learning how to write and edit - I read a ton of books (sometimes just to figure out HOW good authors structure their stories), I took a lot of English classes, I've taken some creative writing courses in my spare time. That two year hiatus was heavily spent doing a lot of research and practice around an original novel I want published one day. And I used ALL of that in TRT, just to see what it was like to put it all together. Be hungry for knowledge, be hungry to learn. The more you learn, the better your fic will be, and the more people that will click.

That learning also includes a looooong string of fanfics that started at a very novice level (hello 12 year old me), to fics that were ok and did moderately well but weren't anything huge. Hell, I had a tumblr account for my previous fandoms before I wandered over to Pastafossa, and while those fics did decently, I never had the huge reaction I've gotten here. But I used each and every one of those fics to learn and grow and adapt. Treat your own fics the same way. If it doesn't get hits, try to learn from it before moving on to the next idea a little wiser and a slightly better writer than before. There will always be people who start to follow you along the way.

A small one, but important: I swear to god, do not shit-talk yourself. Not in the summary, not in the tags, not in the A/Ns. I'm not talking, 'this is my first fic!' That's fine. I mean trashing your own work. Shit like, 'ha ha this sucks, it's terrible but oh well' will absolutely lower your stats, because people will believe you and will ditch your fic. On top of that, it's just mean to yourself, and as I said above, you want to be a good person in the fandom neighborhood. That means not breaking the windows of your own house.

People generally think of summaries as a side note, but a shitty summary can absolutely tank your stats. Treat it like the rest of your fic - this is the trailer before the movie, and it's a huge element of what gets people interested in the first place.

Lastly, like I said at the top, the biggest factor is time. There are people who post one fic and explode in popularity, absolutely. But far, far more little followings are built on the bones of time, of abandoned fics, of muttering and highlighting phrases in books in the middle of the night, of trying and trying and trying until we have at last have a breakthrough and then drag that breakthrough forward with us to the next fic. TRT is absolutely one part lightning in a bottle - the biggest success I've ever had anywhere with my writing, a confluence of fandom factors and world events that gave people (and me!) time to write and read. But it's also standing on the back of whole lot of fics I wrote that look like everyone else's: ones with no comments, low interaction, insults; ones where I had precisely zero idea of what I was doing, but wanted to try anyway. And the way I got through that, as a writer who needs interaction in order to create, was by building friendships in fandom so that even when a fic didn't do all that well, I still had friends I could talk to about the characters, the world, the fandom itself. I asked friends to look them over and give advice. I had friends being my cheerleaders. And if you're an extrovert like me, or just a writer who needs that to create, then those connections are vital as you build up a following.

That's a lot of what I've done. I know there are other ways to build a following, but this is generally what I've done, what I've learned to do, and it seems to have worked. Just remember that there are no bad fics - just learning opportunities. Learn something, and that fic's a success, and work as hard as you can to make those fandom connections to carry you through the process.

I absolutely hope to see your work around one day, so that I can be on of those followers!

[garden-ghoul]

Okay here finally is the music meme @blotthis tagged me in. I don't know what Spotify likes are so I tried to approximate them by listening to a bunch of Bandcamp albums someone on cohost recced a while ago. I chose my favorite song from each album, in order I have them bookmarked. It's been a fun exercise in reshaping my mind to a diverse set of aesthetic paradigms so I can try to understand what each musician sees in their own music. That said. Some of these I'd be reccing anyway.

Points At Head from This Year I Lose My Mind by 2 Mello. Music that makes me wish I had more genre vocabulary. Energetic, funky, hiphoppy I guess?? Jazzy. Has kind of a C2C/Destroid vibe. We're grooving. I like this album.

Oh My God from Shabrang by Sevdaliza. Dark, breathy, synthy. Sevdaliza does fun stuff with autotune and other vocal mods as well as having a lot of great beats. Honestly I'd love to hear more of her unmodified voice in this track because she's a great vocalist. This is a good album if you want to get kind of chill and introspective and weird.

Owens from Little Robert Hutton by Curly Castro. One of the slower starts on a very maximalist album. Curly Castro is doing some fantastic collage here; I like how he plays with samples, clearly pulling from classic DJing on vinyl. I don't know enough about modern rap to compare the vocals to anything but Doomtree, RIP.

Withering Fire from Still as the Night, Cold as the Wind by Vital Spirit. Okay, I will confess I'm not enough of a metalhead to be able to distinguish any of these songs from each other. But as far as I can tell it's a good example of the genre, and if you need some big dramatic texturey noises this album is here for you.

Rock from Ez Minzoku by Foodman. I was having a hard time picking a song from this album, because a lot of it kind of sounds like someone mashing a midifighter loaded with the Earthbound soundfont. The album is hit or miss for me but as soon as I heard Rock I had to put it on this list. An exuberant electric guitar chiptune that's just weird enough for me.

The Mystery (Dilla's Still Here) from Beat Konducta Vol. 5-6 by Madlib. This album only has two songs you can listen to without buying it but on hearing this one I immediately started digging for his first album so I could listen to more of his music. More fun with samples; this is what I might call chillhop if I weren't so aware how boring most chillhop is. From Wikipedia's page on him, no-one's really sure how to categorize him because he's fusing so many genres.

The Great Mist Within from The Great Mist Within by Auriferous Flame. See I said I wasn't enough of a metalhead for Vital Spirit but actually I am a metalhead now. I really like Auriferous Flame's chords and I am gaining appreciation for the textural nature of black metal. I didn't make it all the way through any of these songs but I would if I were just leaving the album playing while I draw.

Son of Man from Rice Field Silently Riping in the Night by Reiko Kudo. I feel like this is one of the best tracks to show off how Kudo thinks about sound, with the different instruments kind of detuned from each other. This whole album is sort of like a distorted reflection of "normal music." Despite occasional loud honking noises it's pretty chill. I enjoyed the description of the recording process at the bottom of the page.

Dance Now from The Forever Story by JID. If you listen to one hiphop album this year, it should be this one. Every single track is a flawless gem with no missing pieces and nothing unnecessary, so the specific song I picked is just the first one I really started jamming out to. Very slick but not overproduced, fantastic beats, fantastic rhymes, wonderful vocals, great instrumentation. I can't coherently talk about the vibe of this album, just listen to it.

Cruise Control from 2000 by Joey Badass. As you may have noticed, I tend to be into chill wavey hiphop, which is why I chose this song off 2000. I really like the outro, it has a classic jazz piano thing going on. This is a hard album to review because I think I'd be more into it if I hadn't just listened to THE PERFECT ALBUM. Ah well. It's good.

[levil0vesyou]

i'm so sorry for that monday production story, i hope it doesn't affect you as much now. adults really do say some wild shit and don't even realize how damaging it can be. my dad would point out all the broken and abandoned houses and dirty cars on the street and say they were mine, and i always replied they were his, and we'd start bickering, and then laughed it off, and i only thought about it recently and have no idea why he would say such a thing? i think it subconsciously got ingrained that i'm not good with housekeeping and generally don't deserve nice things (sorry for trauma dumping). just, adults are so weird with their kids and don't realize the damage

(ask is in reference to my tags on this post)

(there's more trauma in this reply btw, fair warning. under a cut bc long)

Thank you, it actually means a lot!! I wasn't even sure if anyone was gonna read it lmao, tag rambling sometimes feels like just straight up screaming into the void lmao

Hate to disappoint, but its effect on me has been increasing for years 😎👍 It's so weird how you can have shit like that lie dormant for ages until you one day go "hang on" and then it starts eating away at you

It also goes really well with her "Niemand wünscht sich ein behindertes Kind" (lit. "Nobody wishes for a disabled child" but can more accurately be translated as "Nobody wants a disabled child") which she only said once and not even about me but basically one shotted me and has been squatting in my brain evilly ever since. Top ten fucked up sentences to completely devastate your disabled child, number 4 will surprise you 😎👍

(I actually did bring that one to her attention years later but she dismissed any effects it had on me on grounds she didn't mean it that way 😎👍)

Yea, that's some bullshit tbh. Like, that's not the kinda shit a father should be saying to their kid, like bro this is an impressionable young mind in your care who trusts you blindly, not your fucking sibling or highschool bestie you can shoot the shit with. Parents give like zero shits what they say to their children, it's wild. And very concerning sometimes

And it would probably be possible to heal that shit more easily if they actually recognised that, maybe even apologised, but at least in my mum's case, she categorically refuses to acknowledge any instances of one of her children being negatively impacted by something she's said or done if we're the ones bringing it to her attention.

Like, I think she recognises some of the stuff she's said and done as not great but any attempt to amend that list will result in her "oh so I'm a horrible person and at fault for all your problems and you refuse to take responsibility hmmm?" spiel 😔

For the record tho I wanna say I don't think she's a horrible mum and especially when it came to material well being/physical health/etc she really did try her best and I could've had it much worse. She was an underpaid nurse raising three children (two of them disabled) mostly on her own while also caring for different sick elderly relatives over the years.

It's a miracle she made it work and while I do think some stuff was unnecessary, some of especially the later stuff that was more affective (not like hitting or anything, the only parental figure who ever hit me was my grandma who did it exactly one time tho even that took many years to process which is how I know "it's okay to hit your kids" ppl are full of shit) which I can far more easily understand & forgive. That said, if your own child says "[thing you did or said] had a negative impact on me" maybe believe them lmao

...yea this is a bit too long huh

[bookofmirth]

honestly thank you for saying that about Tamlin. I feel like it's a weird phenomenon the fandom does with most of the characters, where you either have to view them as Saints or hate their guts. In Tamlin's case I think that a lot of people overhate him to the extent of trying to make him out as evil as Amarantha, or on the flip side, act as if he did nothing wrong in his life ever. Same thing goes for Nesta or Rhys or Feyre. I think that only a few acotar characters can be categorized as "has never done anything wrong" (gwyn and emerie for instance) or "pure evil" (hybern or amarantha) and everyone else is morally gray, because those are the types of characters sarah likes to write (I mean, look at tog). This isn't to say that someone can't love or hate whatever character they want, even with a passion, but trying to rewrite the book to fit a certain narrative is annoying.

Anon, it drives me crazy!!!! This is why I never tag anything anti or pro - especially not pro, I'm already in the fandom, I am default pro-acotar series... And with one glaring exception (lmao), I don't spend my time on things I dislike to the point where I would need to tag things anti. Things are not so black and white, it's never that simple except like you said, in the case of Amarantha (although, one could argue that she was justified in what she did to Jurian because of her sister, so even there we can somewhat see her perspective!)

It just seems silly to me to act like we can read a book, make a "Good Guy" column and a "Bad Guy" column and sort the characters into them, and then call it a day. That would be so boring, and I'd also feel like the author had zero nuance and had never met an actual person before.

Loving and hating a character are totally different from this, you're right! I can and will love Mor and Cassian and Feyre and Elain, and say they've fucked up. God, I love to rant about Feyre in the Spring Court in acowar and I still love her character! Because it's not about a morality checklist, it's about being interesting and compelling and sometimes, being able to identify with the character.

If we have to choose between viewing the characters as "interesting" or "compelling" and finding them "good/right" or "bad/wrong", I know which one I'll opt for, every time.

[bardicbeetle]

Tag Game: This or That Writer's Edition

Thanks to @pens-swords-stuff for tagging me in this!!!

Stealing Undine's note to say- whoever wants to play: you don't have to write explanations if you don't want to. I just like to do it because I am incapable of being concise and just leaving things be. - because oh boy same hat Undine. Same hat.

1. historical or futuristic

I really love sci-fi, so future is where it's at for me. I love weird tech, I love space travel, I love especially melding the aesthetics of the natural and the highly futuristic. Spaceship made of living plant matter? Sign me the hell up.

2. the opening or closing chapter

First of all, I am horrid at hooks, so I am no good with an opener.

But a wrap up? Closure? Satisfaction? The way something culminates and everything falls into place? I'm all for that, and I think I'm pretty good at it too.

3. light+fluffy or dark+gritty

I like lighthearted endings, I like hope i like knowing that everything will eventually turn out. It can be dark in the interim, but it needs to be tempered, I need the light, it's escapism, I want to be allowed to feel good.

4. animal companion or found family

<*looks at my own wips*> I think this one speaks for itself. I think there's something to be said too for building a family you would want to be part of. Building around the people who would care about you in the ways you are so desperate to experience.

5. horror orromance

I would categorize myself as a thriller person more than horror but it's definitely a bigger thing for me than romance.

6. hard or soft magic system

soft magic system all the way. how do the weird alien magic pools give the tree people their power? I don't know, but they sure do glow! how does your vampire teleportation work? couldn’t tell you but boy does it make them exhausted and ravenous.

7.standalone or series

While I love a one and done gut punch of a book, writing wise I really prefer longer form worlds I can lose myself in. I like complicated. I like diving so deep into something I forget which way is up.

8. one project at a time or always juggling 2+

Hahahhahaha, one project? Buddy friend my response to writers block is just start a new thing. I procrastinate projects by working on other projects, I need something to rotate to when I’m struggling with a scene. Currently I have two original projects + three fanfics going.

9. one award winner or one bestseller

I’d love to just do one bestseller. If I can get Safe in the Dark into the world and have it be beloved, that will be my satisfaction.

10. fantasy or sci-fi

You’re making me choose between my children here. I think sci-fi wins out by a very thin margin.

11. character or setting description

I'm very much a character-driven writer! Characters are the most important think in my writing. And descriptions has always been one of my weaknesses.

12. first or final draft

there is something to be said for the rough and tumble blood on the page that is a first draft. but truly I have to go with the finish line. with seeing the final culmination of all the hard work poured in.

13. love triangle in everything or no romantic arcs

I like romance well enough but it’s never a selling point or a sticking point for me. I can live without and with it.

14.constant sandstorm or rainstorm

<*Insert Sand Monologue from Episode II*> I am definitely going with rainstorm on this one. If it’s raining bullets you’ll find me standing in it just for the emotional release.

I’m leaving this tag open because it’s such a good one I want anyone who wants it to grab it!

[honestlyvan]

I think I get what you mean about the weird found family stuff. I also don't really love shipping stuff, but, at least in the last couple of years, I find people get real weird about stuff like "oh he's the found family dad" sort of thing. It's hard to describe why it weirds me out, but I think it's that compulsion to give the characters "roles" in the found family stuff, where when I think of irl friends who are as close to me as family, I don't think of them as like a "sibling", they're just in my mind categorized under "family".

Of course this isn't even mentioning the weird sex negative stuff. Sometimes I want characters to have freaky weird sex stuff in their lives! Unsanitized. People into genfic can be weird about that stuff.

Yeah like for me it was the worst during the height of XC2's popularity and the absolute wealth of raging about the anime fanservice game having anime fanservice in it and the desperate urge to Divest From The Queer Horny that came with it. I don't know if the majority of the people perpetuating the moral panic eventually realised they were just useful idiots and the Killing The God That Supplanted Reality franchise was the place to get into endless unnecessary tailspins about sexual purity or not but it definitely put me off on quite a permanent basis in trying to do anything that deals with eroticism in this franchise.

It was all very prescriptivist, it was all very twee, it was all trying so hard to be cuddly and nonthreatening and safe, and it just got so uncomfortable when people were bringing all their deeply sexual baggage into the conversation over a story that, as horny as it was in places, just completely lacked any sort of genuine eroticism to me. The very few things that were hot to me that I was interested in exploring were completely ignored by-and-large, disinteresting to anyone but me, specifically. And I just couldn't get a conversational foothold about them with anyone, so I gave up.

So I kinda have this same problem with XC3 atm where I actually do find some things in it really damn hot and I am embracing the eroticism and then.... I just fail to find people with similar interests so I have no good fic to read and nobody to really talk to about it. (I've dragged two people into XC3 with me to have someone to wordvomit about the OTP to). The overt hostility against sex isn't as present, in my experience, but even if people didn't titter around the sexual aspects of the story as much.... IDK man I am tired and I am not a teenager anymore at this point themes of self-discovery and adolescence and normative pairbonding just don't do shit for me. None of it is queer and weird enough, nobody here is that attractive to me anyway, I'd much rather read gen, but then the gen is also kinda just. Like that lol.

And I know I'm probably biased, I definitely read less Xenofic than I'd like to because I look at how stuff is tagged and the summary and go "is it worth the disappointment" when there's probably good writing being done out there and I'm not giving it a chance b/c I'm fucking bitter. Like it's entirely possible that just like XC1 and XC2 didn't really have a ton of overlap in the fandom, XC2 and XC3 don't also and the things I'm really put off by the hardest are not even a thing in the fandom zeitgeist anymore.

But like man. IDK. The things I want to do with this story and the things people are doing with this story are just... really divergent. This has always been a franchise where I like the worldbuilding more than I like the characters, and then I will have like the one or two characters that I absolutely 100% am completely bananas about and they never get written in ways that I would enjoy reading.

[apprenticeofcups]

Hello, sorry for this weird question but i really look up to you and wanted to know your opinion. Do you think it is wrong that i have a dick size kink? Sometimes i want to write about say, Julian having a long dick or Muriel being a grower, but i remember i once read a blog (i don't know if it was yours?) not really approving of anything dick-size related and i just want to know if it's wrong for you for other people to actually get into detail about it? Again i'm sorry fot the weird questin

If you’re talking about 

yeah, that was me 😂

Here’s the thing: It’s not that I don’t “approve” of dick-size headcanons, or anything like that (and you definitely shouldn’t not write something just because you don’t think I’ll like it). It’s not my coffee, that’s all. And I would say there’s nothing wrong with having a size kink, but there are some things you have to understand about it.

Mainly, that the emphasis on bigger = better with regard to dicks is a damaging beauty standard rooted in toxic masculinity. Ridiculing people for having small dicks, fetishizing big ones, all goes back to this idea that a big dick = more manly, which is not only categorically untrue, but plays into a number of transphobic and racist stereotypes. 

That being said, a lot of kinks are rooted in Real Bad Stuff, and (within reason, you know the ones I mean) it doesn’t make you a bad person for having them. Torturing yourself with “is it wrong for me to have this kink” isn’t what you should be asking; what you should be asking is “how can I make sure my experience and expression of this kink isn’t hurtful”. so:

Be aware of the stereotypes. WritingWithColor here on tungle has some stuff on dick size and fetishization, and Dr Google has plenty more. And don’t play into them. (Especially since you mentioned Muriel - men of color with big dicks is a nasty one. Don’t use it to show how “masculine” or “powerful” or whatever he is. Don’t use tiny dick hcs as a way to show how lame and unattractive Lucio is. You get the idea.)

Call it what it is. Do it from the perspective of an apprentice with a size kink, mention in the description that you wanted to write size kink stuff - don’t leave it unchecked, because this is the kind of kink that does harm if people think it’s the norm, so make that distinction clear.

Tag it. If you’re gonna write it, tag it, tag it, tag it. Tag it specifically as “size kink” and every other iteration of that you can think of. That way, the people who don’t want to see it, don’t have to see it. (And it’ll help with the above point - distinguishing it from being framed as an expectation, rather than a niche.)

So no, there’s nothing wrong with you. A lot of us have kinks that can be harmful without the right checks and balances - that’s why personal responsibility is a cornerstone of BDSM. You have the kinks you have; just do your due diligence when you express them to make sure you’re not perpetuating stereotypes and standards that hurt people. ☕️

(PS Muriel as a grower is a new one - I usually see the standard “big dude, big dick” hcs for him 😂 good on you for keeping it interesting)

[cloaked-saurosuchus]

Interview with a fanfic author tag

I got 'tagged' by @blaiddsumu! and by that I mean i stole it. yoink

1. Your favorite fic that you’ve written (or just one you want to give a shout out to).

From finished ones: definitely Narrators. For what an impulsive oddity it was for me (2nd person what?) and when re-reading I'd change some small things but I?? still Really like it? It feels like I actually managed to get down the emotion I wanted in a short self-contained thing which is both pretty rare for me lol.

From WIPs y'all know Two Deaths lives in my brain rent free and is arguably my fav (even though I haven't even posted my favourite parts so far and they seem so far away and I'm Suffering(tm))

2. Your favorite fic title that you’ve come up with.

uhuh I'm horrid at coming up with titles. Probably In Search Of bcs it goes along with the chapter names (In Search Of A Reason, In Search Of An Engineer etc.)? It took me an actual year after posting the first part of it to actually come up with that title though lol. or Eye Can't See You bcs it's horrible pun fhkah

3. How do you get inspiration to write?

tangent brain. whatever I'm thinking about (or reading or really ANYTHING) and fixating on will inevitably leak into each other and produce story ideas. and I need to get these ideas Out somehow or they will stew in the back of my brain forever. the entirety of Two Deaths is a massive tangent about a trying a different spin on [wait no this is probably a spoiler].

also music? lots of music. i tend to listen heavily to a single album/interpret at a time, so my brain inevitably comes up with interpretations of songs that can be spun into stories, hehe.

4. Your favorite genre/subgenre of fic to write.

Uh?? Fluff I guess? and whatever the hell would two deaths get categorized as. longform hurt/comfort?? PROBABLY? uuh. i always feel weird putting a genre to my stuff so idk though really

5. Do you have other hobbies?

I Make stuff in general! Most notably it's drawing and programming, but I also play and compose for piano/pipe organ from time to time and recently I've gotten into cross-stitch and I've been looking into 3D-printing and just sewing in general. I tend to bounce around hobbies a lot though, so the ones staying are really just. Drawing and pipe organs.

6. A fun fact about you that a lot of people may not know.

Buuh. Um. If I finish my current uni course, I'll get a Mgr. (Magister) title and not Ing. (engineer) title even though I'm studying a very much tech-field that usually gets the engineer treatment and I think that's incredibly funny. At a certain point it looked like my sis might try for an Ing. from a social field and it was hilarious. we decided we'd make "trust me I'm an engineer" jokes to maximize confusing the hell out of people

that fell through and now neither of us will be able to make trust me I'm an engineer jokes u_u

8. Favorite genre of music.

genres are a scam that I don't understand and my favourite genre is not going to really map onto the music I listen to the most so uh

swing and electro swing.

9. Your favorite singer/band.

I don't really have absolute favourites, more like. Cycling through interprets depending on how I'm feeling. The Oh Hellos, Cosmo Sheldrake and Lord Huron are evergreens I keep coming back to. And Switchfoot.

Currently also listening to a Lot of IDKHBTFM, Mother Mother and The Hoosiers.

10. And finally, how has your experience in fandom been?

Pretty chill! Met a whole bunch of cool people! It probably helped that I only really actively entered the UT fandom last year (after the initial hype died down and also like. I Know what I want to avoid now and I do just that) and my previous fandom was Ranger's Apprentice, which was small and constructive, and based on a canon that is decidedly Not drowned in 3-4 layers of meta keeping things pretty sane when it comes to weird characterizations that would irk me. (moving into ut from that was Quite A Shock, dare I say.)

Tagging: uuh y'all know I don't tag people fhajksh if you see this and write, consider yourself Tagged (and feel free to tag me bcs I wanna See)

[kingofthewilderwest]

Don't worry, I take over my sleep time to read and write fanfictions. I wouldn't have time otherwise! I have an entire Word page with only links to fanfictions I still have to read! And it's all right to not read fanfictions if you don't want to. It's just an hobby among others. Anyway, you wrote fanfictions?? Now I'm curious, could I have a link, if you don't mind? Have a good night too and sorry for my grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language (btw, thank you for the likes

From this. Sorry I’m slow replying!! thanks for your wonderful messages! :)

No worries about grammar! Your English is great, and even if it weren’t, that’s no bother to me either. :) The fact that you’re communicating in a language that isn’t your first… just means you have extra skills and are even more awesome! :) 

I love how dedicated you are to looking at others’ fanfictions, even creating a Word document page to make sure you remember them. That’s beautiful and cool. And I’m getting curious about what you’ve written, too! 

Thanks so much for asking about my fics - this touches me! Sure, I’m happy to share! I tend to post all fics on tumblr and FFN, with FFN being my primary hub. On tumblr I use the tag #my fanfiction and tag all stories by their title. My FFN profile is kingofthewilderwest.

I’m so so so so so SO touched when anyone reads or interacts with my fics (though since I write casually, I ask no constructive criticism

THE VIGILANTE’S WAR

HTTYD. YEAR: 2014. LENGTH: 57,110 WORDS. A mysterious, antagonistic dragon rider dubbed “the Vigilante” crosses paths with Hiccup, and her increasingly violent actions appear to be leading to war against Berk. 

He tightened his hands, loosened them again. Breathed in, breathed out. He could feel himself stooped in the dirt, his shoulders hunched over his head, his knees buried in the ground and tucked underneath his torso. His neck was bent low close to the earth, providing him a good view of his hands and the ground and nothing else.

Well, and the blood.

That can’t possibly be all mine.

- PROLOGUE: FROM OUT OF THE HAZE

HTTYD 2′s original drafts had Valka as the main antagonist. I found this so interesting that I decided to rewrite HTTYD 2 - with a few of my own spins - on this concept. One of my most well-known fics, “The Vigilante’s War” is where I’ve gotten the most thorough reviews and most emotional reactions.

THE VIGILANTE’S LEGACY 

HTTYD. YEARS: 2014-2016. LENGTH: 20,546 WORDS. There’s been four years of war between three factions. Drago’s army. The Vigilante and her dragons. Berk and their allies. But now, Chief Hiccup believes there’s a way to end the conflict. Sequel to “The Vigilante’s War.”

Hiccup spoke up. Cleared his voice. Tapped his pointer finger apprehensively on the cell’s iron door. “You said we were making a mistake.” Might as well speak straight to the point of his visit. “Something about ‘you and every one of your warriors are making a mistake’ or – or something like that.”

For a moment Hiccup wondered if Valka actually would reply. The calculating gaze she gave him from the corner of her prison certainly did not seem a positive sign. However, then, with a steady, lilting cadence to her voice, she succinctly affirmed, “I did.” Just those two words. Nothing more.

- VIII. THE MISTAKES OF WAR

It’s unfinished; I haven’t updated because I ran out of steam and didn’t receive enough reader feedback encouraging me to continue. Though I did have a very vivid final chapter in mind… that I still love… which I never got to…?

MEMOIRS

HTTYD. YEARS: 2015-2016. LENGTH: 44,289 WORDS. My ongoing collection of drabbles for HTTYD. Angst, pain, comfort, humor, crossovers, crack, it’s all there. Favorites include “Family Portrait,” “Stubble,” “Buffcup the Brawny,” and “Remember When.”

He held her hand softly, one wrinkled hand laid gently on top of another. It was just her and him now in the house all alone – for their children had left on a voyage with the grandkids, and would not be back for a week yet, if even two. It evoked the quietness of the old days, back before they were old, back during the times when they were newlyweds and younger even than their grandchildren were today. Oh, but the smell of her hair was just as refreshing now as when it was blonde.

- REMEMBER WHEN

DINNER AT DRAGON’S EDGE 

HTTYD. YEAR: 2015. LENGTH: 5,452 WORDS. The gang’s settling in at Dragon’s Edge. To make sure everything operates smoothly, Hiccup suggests a chore rotation system. That means everyone has to do their fair share of the cooking… but it doesn’t mean everyone is a fair cook.

“Oh my gods, is this dinner or what the rats threw away?” Snotlout exclaimed, terrified at the Unidentified Edible Object before him.

Tuffnut picked it up with one experimental hand and held it out before him at a safe distance. People would have held poisonous snakes or bloodied torture devices more cheerily. Squinting his eyes and peering carefully at the peculiar specimen pinched between his fingers, rubbing under his chin with his other, free hand, Tuffnut remarked, “Looks something like what Barf and Belch poop out after they get sick and…”

- 1. ASSIGNING JOBS

This humorous fic I think is where I do best capturing HTTYD character personalities and interactions.

[SUPER]HERO THE HARD WAY 

HTTYD. YEARS: 2014-2017. LENGTH: 86,566 WORDS. In a modern world where Berk is full of superheroes battling the League of Outcasts, power-less Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third struggles to receive appreciation for who he is. Through his crime-fighting journey, Hiccup learns that, while he might not have powers, he can become a Hero the Hard Way.

“I wasn’t born with anything. Don’t have anything. I’m the son of Chief Stoick “Skullcrusher” and I don’t have anything. Not even a superpower to turn objects purple. Which frankly would be completely pointless but at least it would have been something.“

He realized he was babbling and promptly shut his mouth. He looked over at Fishlegs, who appeared to be wordlessly processing the information. The teenager appeared baffled moreso than anything else, which at least meant he was not outright rejecting him.

“So you’re going to train to be a superhero… and you don’t have any powers? I got that right?”

“You got that right.”

“Wow.” Fishlegs said.

Hiccup waited for more.

“That’s actually really cool.”

- CHAPTER THREE: SIDEKICKED

This started as me intending to write one crack chapter. It turned into me envisioning a ROB / DOB modern AU where all characters were superheroes. The final product became a retelling of HTTYD 1′s basic concept: Hiccup gaining his peers’ approval despite being different. Somehow, despite me 70% adlibbing by the seat of my pants (should I be admitting this?), I had great fun. And it brought in the most reviews, follows, and favorites of any of my posted stories! Thanks for the reads and support, everyone!!!

RESET OR RESUME 

UT. YEAR: 2016-2017. LENGTH: 85,841 WORDS. Gaster’s research unlocks the secret of time travel. After the Royal Scientist’s untimely end, one of Gaster’s colleagues - Sans - finds himself with the power to Reset. Confronted with unpleasant timelines and dangerous choices, Sans must decide how to navigate through time… if it’s worth resetting for a better future, continuing with hope for the present, or simply giving up.

No longer timid and silent, the human happily babbled all sorts of nonsense to Sans, everything from how to bake snow pies to how weird Sans’ skull looked to how beautiful the ribbon in their hair was to their opinions of Papyrus’ ‘battle body’ to how their mom didn’t like the color black to their personal opinion of ferrets to a long narrative of their encounter with a snail-loving old lady they met on the other side of the Ruins door. Everything could be the topic of a conversation. There was no filter and even less sense of restraint for this child.

“How are you a SKELETON?” their happy little high-pitched voice squeaked. They flew gallantly over a twig that rested, flat, on the surface of the snow. Powder flew everywhere as they landed heavily into the snowbank. “That means – that means you should be DEAD, you know!”

“who says i’m not dead?” Sans trolled with a wink.

With a shrieking giggle, they exclaimed, “Don’t be silly! Only ghosts are dead!”

“i could be a skeleton ghost.”

“No you – no you can’t.” The human seemed to be quite confident about their knowledge in paranormal metaphysics. “You can be a skeleton. You can be a ghost. But nobody – NOBODY – can be a skeleton ghost.”

“is that so?”

“YES so! You CAN’T be both. That would be wrong.” Maybe the human mentally categorized skeletons and ghosts as separate Halloween creatures, ensuring they were mutually exclusive concepts. It was always challenging to comprehend a child’s train of logic. “Except…” and now the child paused, leaning down and tugging at the sleeve of their sweater. Something thoughtful – at least as much as one so young could be thoughtful – passed over their eyes. They cocked their head to the side and stared at Sans. In the same sort of innocence with which they had talked about ferrets, the human inquired, “…can ghosts also be dust?”

- 5. KNOCKS [[File 5.2 IH-20150701-3-3]]

I have particular fondness for this fic. I spent more energy and care with this than any other I’ve posted. Drenched it through with UT lore. Edited and revised thoroughly. Had two beta readers examine my ASL for accurate representation. I wrote extensive outlines that were several page long color-coded charts, had all this meticulous structuring going on…

The problem was, this was an impossibly ambitious project. Life got in the way, too. The 85,841 words here aren’t close to the end of Part 1. The final two Parts were going to explain the weirdness within Part 1 (the story doesn’t begin in chronological order - it gets pieced together like a puzzle). What I planned to write would have included a complex characterization arc for Sans, every human child that’s visited the underground, and multiple resets containing main character deaths… until the story would end with Sans confronting Frisk in the Genocide Route.

Hopefully, despite the incompleteness, this is enjoyable from its comedy to its angst! I would at least encourage people to read the first few chapters! Or “Socks” - an entire chapter devoted to Sans and Gaster pulling sock pranks on each other.

SOMEHOW THEY’RE STILL OFFICERS

FMAB. YEAR: 2018-2019. LENGTH: 6,036 WORDS. Ahhhhhh yes. Team Mustang. The hand-selected, elite group of military officers who effectively spend their time… doing nonsense. 

Everyone was scrambling at once. Mustang rushed forward to greet their guest, perfect composure only broken by the fast pace at which he moved. In fact the colonel’s posture was almost a proud enough display to make his lack of shirt go unnoticed. But Falman chucked his cards away at the same time he tried to salute; Breda was ducking from Falman’s sudden card shower; Fuery was launching pants and underwear in Havoc’s face; and Lieutenant Hawkeye, obviously abashed to be in this room at all, was covering her eyes with her hand in what was either her life’s longest sigh, or a pathetic attempt to hide her face and identity.

- WE WERE JUST PLAYING CARDS

My collection of FMA drabbles, particularly stories of Team Mustang shenanigans. Prompts / requests welcome for more adventures!

I have a few other drabbles posted, too. I also have unfinished chapters of Voltron fanfictions on my computer that I could share, too? Maybe I should? I’m currently working on several Royai fanfictions, other FMA drabbles, and a longer Deponia fanfiction.

Thank you again for being so nice and connecting with me over fanfiction and fandom and FMA and more. You’re a really wonderful and cool person and you made my day.