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illfoandillfie · 5 years

Text

DMs

Pairing: Ben Hardy x F!Reader

Summery: You run a nsfw snapchat account. Ben's horny.

Warnings: SMUT (18+), partially written as chat text, video chat sex, masturbation, fingering, sex toys, nipple play, voyeurism I guess, fuckboy ben

Words: 3774

A/N: Inspired by something El posted. I love Ben but he’s got them fuckboy/lad vibes and im positive he’d get down on some sc porn

Taglist: @laedymoon @dtfrogertaylor @ezmina98 @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely

@veriloquently

Your phone buzzed, the familiar noise distracting you from your book. Considering you’d just posted a new photo, partially hidden by emojis, to Instagram and updated your snapchat story with the uncensored version, it was hardly surprising you were getting messages.

YourNewDaddy: Mmm baby let me pound you

You clicked through to his profile. Absolutely nothing. The profile picture was some abs that could belong to anyone. No recent snaps, nothing. For a few seconds you considered replying with your payment details but decided against it. He wasn’t worth your time.

The whole NSFW account thing had started a while ago on Tumblr and then Instagram. A way to kill time and get some attention that you weren’t receiving in the real world. But then the porn ban had happened which severely limited what you could post, so you’d mostly moved to Snapchat, using everything else to advertise. A few months after the move you started getting guys offering to pay you to do specific things. One had wanted an audio recording of you calling him Daddy and begging for his cock with a few moans thrown in. Another had wanted a video of you and a dildo, though he’d had to pay more. Since then you’d used your accounts to pick up a bit of extra cash here and there. Nowhere near enough to live off of, but it came in handy.

You clicked back out of the app, put down your phone and went back to your book, hoping someone entertaining would at least comment on the photo soon. Barely half a page later another ding pulled you away. This time Instagram.

Benhardy: Just came over you

Quick and to the point. Fuckboy energy. You clicked onto his profile half expecting another faceless timewaster. No description or links to other sites but he had a profile picture. And some fifty odd photos. Not many posts considering his million followers but at least you knew he was a real person. You scrolled through his feed trying to put gather what info you could before you responded. Lots of photos of himself sometimes with friends. A few that were clearly modelling jobs or, more likely considering the movie trailers and saved story called Oscars 2019, promotional photoshoots for magazines. And he was a proud dog dad. Definitely attractive. You wondered briefly why someone so handsome was getting off to half dressed girls on Instagram but put it out of your mind as you opened his conversation up again. Who cared why as long as he was talking to you? After all, he was hot and willingly giving you attention. Plus, if he was an actor or whatever he probably wouldn’t mind paying for something special, once you’d given him a taste. The only question left was how to approach the conversation.

You: Really? That’s so flattering!

You: Kind of wish you’d cum over me for real tho, bit bored

Benhardy: dirty girl

Benhardy: could probably think of some way to keep you busy

Benhardy: you’re fit

You: haha aww thank you! I post more often on snap if you wanna follow. don’t have to hide behind swimwear and emojis there. easier to chat too, unless you prefer kik or something

He didn’t reply. You frowned at your phone wondering if you’d shown your hand too soon. Perhaps you should have kept up the flattered damsel act a little longer, waited before mentioning Snapchat. Maybe he wasn’t looking for a chat, just genuinely wanted to compliment you, even if it was in a gross slightly derogatory way. Or maybe he just got cold feet. You sighed as you swiped back to check what other people had been sending you. A few more ignorable accounts, a couple messages you didn’t like enough to respond to straight away. And then another Snapchat notification.

Ben Jones: had to create an account but I’m here

You: oh! you’ve changed your name

Ben Jones: Hardy’s the stage name lol

You: hmmm hardy… little bit of a pornstar name

You: or could be if you changed the ben part.

Ben Jones: that’s my backup plan in case actual acting doesn’t work out lol

Ben Jones: not too out of place right now tho

You: haha that because of me?

Ben Jones: maybe. loved the photos in your story you’ve got great tits

Ben Jones: kinda wanna see you pinch and pull on them

And so it began. You leaned forward to pull your shirt off and then settled back against the pillows, running your fingers around your nipple until it was hard. Angling the camera towards your chest you pinched your nipple between your thumb and forefinger, rolling it between them. The camera clicked as you took a photo and then clicked again as you tugged your nipple away from your body, hissing a little at the pain.

You: Like this?

Ben Jones: perfect

Ben Jones: really are lovely tits.

You: surprisingly don’t hear that much irl so ty

Ben Jones: u don’t? criminal

You: lmao yeah but that’s what I have you for

Ben Jones: happy to help

Ben Jones: What are you wearing?

You: Just a pair of knickers now

Ben Jones: sexy

Ben Jones: can I see?

You: just the knickers or the whole look?

Ben Jones: whole look first

Ben Jones: then just the knickers so I can see the wet spot you’re making

You wriggled against the pillows, shuffling further down the bed. Long ago you’d learnt which angles were the easiest to take photos in and which were the best to show off your body. A full body shot was easiest when you leaned your phone up against a stack of books or something at the foot of the bed and used the timer on the camera to get a few shots of you kneeling. It left your hands fee to squeeze your tits if that seemed appropriate or slip into your underwear, or to put behind your back in a pose that seemed innocent but actually pushed your hips and chest forward. For Ben though you felt something that appeared a little more casual would be appropriate. You lay back, head raised slightly on your pillows, feel flat against the mattress so your knees were in the air and pressed together. Carefully you positioned the camera, wrist twisted a little to get the angle just right. You brought your free hand up to your breasts, pulling your nipple again since Ben seemed to like it, and snapped a photo. The shot of your underwear was easier, legs spread, pushing your hips up slightly to get a clear shot of the wet patch that had been slowly growing since the start of the conversation, though a little added saliva to make it more obvious didn’t hurt. He wouldn’t be able to tell.

Ben Jones: hot

Ben Jones: like got me so hard again hot

You: does that mean I get a picture in return?

Ben Jones: Only if you take your knickers off for me

Ben Jones: wouldn’t be fair otherwise since im not wearing underwear😉

You took your time sending him a new photo and got one back almost straight away. You would have scoffed at his eagerness to show himself off but, with a body like his you couldn’t really blame him. You zoomed into the photo, trailing your eyes over every inch of it. Messy blonde hair, though whether it was intentionally messy or just like that from him grabbing it while he jerked off over your photo you weren’t sure. Gorgeous eyes, heavy lidded and a little fucked out. One arm behind his head as he lay on his bed. It looked carefree and spontaneous, like someone else had taken the photo at the very moment he looked at the camera, but it showed off the muscles in his arms too well to be coincidence. And speaking of muscles. The boy was a fucking Adonis. You were instantly struck by the desire to drag your nails down his chest and leave a trail of hickeys and bite marks all the way down to his toned stomach and tight waist. You clenched your thighs together at the thought as you slowly revealed the bottom half of the photo. He had his legs outstretched though one was more bent than the other, knee jutting out to the side. Almost too casual to be casual, especially with the way he had his hand wrapped around his cock, like the photo was taken mid stroke. You couldn’t help linger over that particular part of the photo. It was a lovely hand, big with noticeable veins, exactly the sort that could make you weak in the knees. And the same could be said for the dick it was holding. You wondered briefly where this Ben guy had come from and what you could possibly have done to catch his attention.

Ben Jones: is that silence because you’re so impressed

The message made you roll your eyes. Hot he might be, but he was still just another desperate fuckboy looking for a naked girl to drool over and a quick orgasm.

You: well I’m not not impressed

Ben Jones: no need to be shy. just say you’re imagining riding me and I'd understand

You: wasn’t before. Am now.

Ben Jones: what were you picturing before?

You: doggy

Ben Jones: be happy to let you try both and compare.

You: let me film it and watch the tapes back to study your game?

Ben Jones: wait this is dumb.

Your frowned at your phone. For such typical guy, the sort you’d dealt with so many times before, Ben sure was hard to pin down.

You: what?

Ben Jones: you comfortable doing live chat?

Ohhhh

You: umm sure thing

Ben Jones: you don’t have to

You: i know that. you couldn’t force me to even if you wanted, beauty of doing this online. i just don’t do live very often. or I charge for it.

Ben Jones: that desperate for me?

You: you caught me in a good mood

You let the call ring for a bit, wanting to make sure Ben understood how in control you were and how much more he needed it than you. But eventually you picked up, settling back against your pillows. Ben seemed to be in a similar position, leaning against his headboard, the screen showing you his face and bare shoulders. “Hi,” “Hi,” his voice was deeper than you’d expected, thrown by how soft and, dare you say, feminine his features were, and yet it suited him perfectly. You could only imagine how that voice would sound growling out sexually charged complements, the thought appealing enough to have you pressing your thighs together. There was a moment of silence as you took each other in, not quite sure how to continue now that you’d switched from text. “So you going to show me how wet you are?” Once again his demeanour had you wanting to roll your eyes though you refrained, “No.” “No?” His confusion was entertaining to say the least. So many of the men who contacted you assumed you were going to be outright submissive and meek, taking whatever photos they demanded and doing everything they told you to with a smile and a yes sir. So proving them wrong, defying them, taking control, that was fun. Almost an aphrodisiac in its own right. Sometimes you’d eventually submit, play the brat and then let them win, and if they were paying it was a different story. But Ben struck you as the kind of guy who could use a little more pushback. Probably used to getting his way, having his pick of the litter. Lord knows had he hit on you in real life you probably would have agreed to whatever he wanted just to feel his hands on you. But here, on your profile, you had the power. Plus, in the back of your mind you suspected that being a little more assertive might just make him more interested in seeing you submit and maybe a little more willing to pay for the pleasure. “Not yet.” “Bit of a bold move considering I could just go find someone else to look at. There’re these things called porn sites, yeah?” “But they’re so impersonal. Isn’t this more fun?” He paused, eyeing you, and then let out a breath, “You got me there.” “Figured, since the video chat was your idea and all.” “Just got sick of typing one handed.” “Mmhmm, sure.” “So are you going to show me your cunt then?” “Eventually. But what’s the rush?” you stood up, making sure to let the camera dip just a little so Ben got a quick flash of your chest. “How about I’m hard as hell and want to get off?” “You’re not the only one who wants to get off so just hold your horses for a second while I get my toys.” “There are toys now?” You could see Ben’s shoulder move as he started to stroke himself again. “Told you to hold your horses. Stop touching yourself.” Ben’s arm stopped its movement though he seemed a little taken aback by his own obedience. “Good boy,” you watched for Ben’s reaction, not disappointed as he swallowed hard, his cheeks going pinker than they already were. That was interesting. “Yes there are toys, you wanna see?” “Do I get to pick which ones you use?” “Maybe,” “Go on, show me then,” You flipped the camera around as you opened your chest of draws. There wasn’t much in there, a couple different dildos and vibrators, a set of nipple suckers, mostly things you’d bought to fulfil requests guys were paying you for. You picked up the nipple suckers and held them up to the camera. “I assume you’d like to see me in these since you liked watching me play with my nipples.” “Mmhmm, absolutely. Also want to see you with a dildo. You got one with a suction base? Might tell you to ride it the way you’d ride me,” he seemed to be doubling down on the pull for control after you’d seen his reaction to being told what to do, determined to put you in your place or whatever. “Unfortunately, no. But this one will do,” you took hold of a silicon dildo, pulling it from the draw, “Don’t think it's as big as you but it does vibrate and that’s guaranteed to work.” “I’ll allow it, though I think we both know I’d be better.” “I’m going to ignore that,” you said as you turned the camera back towards you and headed back to your bed, settling against the pillows again. You propped the camera up against a pillow so Ben could watch as you placed the suckers over your nipples, whimpering at the sudden taught feeling. You picked the phone back up, giving Ben a closer view of your boobs. “They suit you. And you can ignore it all you like but when you start doing what I say and I let you fuck yourself into your third orgasm I’ll remind you. Maybe, if you’re lucky, I’ll tell you where you can meet me in real life and show you exactly how good I am.” “You’re a cocky one, aren’t you?” “In every sense. If I remember correctly you were speechless at the sight.” “You’ve got a bad memory, Benny boy.” Slowly you let your fingers trail down to your pussy. You didn’t believe he was as good as he thought he was – you’d dealt with too many overconfident wankers, both in real life and online, to believe another one – but the game you’d fallen into, the back and forth teasing, not entirely sure who was in control at any one time, was arousing to say the least. It was certainly one of the less predictable conversations you’d had recently. “If not speechless then certainly wet. Show me your pussy, wanna see you touching yourself.”” “Who said I’m touching myself?” you slipped a finger into your entrance, trying to keep your breathing even.” “You’re not as good at hiding it as you think you are. So show me.” “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” Ben gave you a fleeting look, eyebrow raised, before his camera flipped and you were once again looking at his hand wrapped around his cock, red and leaking precum. You turned your camera too, making sure he had a good view. “Add a second finger for me.” You did as he asked, “You been a good boy and not touched? Or do I have to tell you off for misbehaving?” “I didn’t but it wasn’t because of anything you said. Just didn’t want things to finish before I heard you beg me to cum.” He began to stroke himself, keeping in time with the slow pace you’d set as you pumped your fingers in and out of your pussy. “Sure,” you panted, adding a third finger, “so if I told you to stop now,” His hand halted. “Well aren’t you just so obedient,” You removed your fingers from yourself, reaching to grab the dildo, “you wanna see me fuck myself properly? Watch me cum all over this toy, pretend it’s your cock making me moan?” “God yes,” his voice cracked a little, fingers twitching against himself as he briefly let the cocky, controlling persona fall away. It didn’t last long, “Show me how deep you can take that cock. C’mon, I know what a fucking slut you are, getting off on people watching you.” You didn’t bother arguing, sliding the dildo along your dripping folds before pressing it into yourself with a whine. “Wait, hang on a sec.” The was the sound of shuffling and the screen went black as Ben moved around but, eventually, he flipped the camera again and settled back on the bed. He’d propped his phone up somewhere in front of himself, letting you see every inch of him from his face to his hard, leaking cock, “better?” “Oh much, hang on I’ll do the same," you carefully pulled the dildo from yourself and sat up, leaning your phone against a stack of books on your bedside table and then adjusting your pillows in front of it, “we good?” “Yeah, take the nipple things off though, wanna see your tits properly.” You did as he asked, letting out a soft moan at the sensation. Ben chuckled, “God I can’t wait to hear how loud you moan imaging how hard I’d fuck you.” You slid the dildo back into your entrance, slowly pumping it in and out of yourself as you brought your other hand up to squeeze your breast, “mmm, you look so pretty when you’re all needy Benny.” It wasn’t a lie, between his lust blown eyes, flushed cheeks and soft pout, Ben looked incredible and it only turned you on more, “Want to show me how needy you can get? Want me make you beg?” “Faster. Harder,” he ignored your questions in favour of giving you another order but you were sure you’d heard his voice crack just a little. You sped up, whining with each thrust, Ben’s hand matching your pace as his slid his thumb over the tip and spread the precum over his length. “Fuck your wet, I can hear it. That all because of me?” “Maybe a-a bit. Also just like, fuck, being watched,” “Turn on the vibrator and rub your clit,” Ben’s voice was husky, impossibly deep and rough, “don’t stop until I say.” You moaned as the vibrations started, angling the dildo to rub against your g-spot on every pass. “There you go, being a good little slut. Gonna cum how I tell you to.” “On-only if you cum how I tell you to.” You almost let the dildo fall from your grasp, so shocked were you by the whine Ben let out, “Like that idea? Want me to tell you what to do? If I told you to stop and watch me would you?” “No,” he said, steadfastly sticking to the game although his hand faltered and his voice had mostly lost the controlling edge he’d had before, all desperate, whiny need. “N-not sure I beli-eve you.” “Please don’t stop. Wanna cum so bad,” “I know y-ou do Benny.” “You close?” “Yes, fuck Ben, so close.” “Cum for me, come on, be a good slut and cum,” “Not. Yet. Play with your balls Benny, wanna see you cum first.” His gasped turned into a strangled cry as he ran his fingers over his testicles before lightly squeezing them “T-turn the vibrator higher,” Neither one of you were in control anymore, too caught up in getting yourselves and each other off, though you were both determinedly looking at the screen, watching each other. Ben’s lip was caught between his teeth, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he let out some of the prettiest moans you’d ever heard. It only served to push you closer to the edge, your own moans escaping as you bucked your hips rhythmically in time with the dildo moving in and out of your cunt. Ben finished a split second before you did, your eyes glued to the white now painting his stomach as you held the dildo in place, its vibrations making your toes curl.

The was a moment of quiet as you both collected yourselves, the only sounds his panted breaths and your soft whine as you removed the dildo from yourself, and then Ben spoke. “Fuck that was hot.” “Yup,” “I thought your tits were good enough to wank over but Christ. That’s gonna keep me going for a bit.” You laughed, relaxing as your heart gradually fell back to its normal rhythm, “Well not too long I hope. You’re fun and I’d be happy to chat again sometime.” “Did I see in your bio that you take commissions?” “Yuuup,” “Huh, well, I’ll keep that in mind then.” “I look forward to it,” “Well, I should be off then, gotta clean up,” he gestured to the mess drying on his stomach. “Yeah, me too, maybe have a nap. That really was fun though so next time you’re bored or whatever hit me up. If you’re lucky I’ll let you boss me around. If you’re luckier I’ll do the bossing,” “I’d like to see you try,” “That whine you made says you’d enjoy it quite a lot,” “My whine? What about yours? Needy little brat.” Guess you’ll have to come back and settle this then.” “Guess I will. See you later.”

#my writing #ben hardy smut #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #hope ya'll like this #hope i made him enough of a fuckboy #and that it makes sense and everything #i wrote the first half real quick like last month #and then took a break from it to write curtains 5 #and then found it kinda hard to get back into it #but i think im happy with it #anyway #gonna be more benny content coming soon #im so very deep in my feels because of all this 6u content

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knullanon · 3 years

Text

black beetle won the fight yall

anyway heres that fic, sorry it doesn’t include him until the end, imma probably write a part 2, but only if yall want it lmao

warnings: homeless man being weird, underage drinking (reader does no drinking), kidnapping, running, lmk if there should be anything else!

words: 1715

“Jesus, _______, you don’t even have a public snapchat, what in the name of fuck makes you think that you’ll actually gain some followers on instagram?”

You rolled your eyes, and gave a small glare to your friend, who was sitting on your bed, scrolling through her phone. Currently it was almost 11 pm, and it was a miracle that Vanessa's parents were out on a weekend vacation. It was Friday night, and they had left her with you in the morning when you both had left for school. After that, well, it was chaos from there. You both had gone shopping, eating, and even got some… contraband from one of her friends. Currently, she was high as fuck sitting on your bed, and stating almost every opinion you were assuming she had hidden from you for your almost 2 year long friendship.

And it was not pretty.

“Seriously, you always bitch about that one chick, what's her name, Kathrine? You act like her opinion is the definition of your future. Like, who give a fuck if she thinks you’re too fat? You look like… fuck, what was I gonna say? I don’t remember.”

She was in the hyper and “paranoid” part of smoking weed a few minutes ago, but now that she's high and more relaxed, she's really let her bars down. It was kinda annoying you that she never mentioned to tell you this shit, but to be honest, you would’ve started crying if she said this shit in front of a bunch of people.

You mainly ignored her comments, most of them about your confidence issues and the fact that any opinion that was stated about you took 100% seriously. It hurt a little, hearing her say these things, but you reminded yourself that she's high, she doesn’t know what she's talking about, and it was a completely normal thing for people who were high to start spewing bullshit… probably. You’ve never seen her this high, but it was interesting to see her act like this.

One comment made you particularly mad, when she said, “You always act like there’s gonna be someone to save you, or something, like, this isn’t fanfiction, _______, this is real life, where people aren’t going to care about some girl with daddy issues. Just, really, accept it, your dads an ass, and hey, maybe if you’re lucky, one of those fictional characters who you like will come out of nowhere and give you whatever you want.”

You gave here a look and then asked, “Vanessa, you’re drunk. Let’s just- ugh, let's just get you home.”

She didn’t object to you bringing her out the back of your porch (your neighbors were nosy) and you dragged her drunk ass through town, making sure to stay out of dark areas where people could grab you. Of course, there was no telling someone would actually do that, but you were still just a young girl: you couldn’t do jack shit against a 40 year old man.

Anyway, Vanessa was starting to regain her footing, and she was able to start walking n=by her own for the last 5 minutes. When you dropped her off, she insisted that she was able to walk by herself onto the steps and with that, you made sure she got inside her house, before you started walking back to your house.

Unfortunately, you had no idea that there were 2 people following you, both with completely different intentions.

~~~~

You ended up running when you saw the seemingly homeless man sprinting towards you. It was only a split second before you dodged his attack, where he would’ve had you in a neck hold, and you couldn’t have escaped: you were surprised that you even saw it in time.

However, you didn’t even try to feel the burning in your lungs, only the fear of what the man was going to do to you if he did catch you. You didn’t know where you were, going, you only followed your instinct. And it eventually led to you going down some weird alleway.

Which of course, you expected it to not work. It was long and dark as you turned but you didn’t have time to go back, he was right behind you, you could feel him. And then, almost halfway through the alleyway, you heard his shoes screech to a stop, and then him… gurgling? But when you turned around, you didn’t see anything, or anyone. Just one of his shoes. A singular, worn out shoe. You didn’t want to stay, oh no, you were getting the hell out of there and heading back home.

And while you sprinted out of the alleway, the second person who was following you was sitting on the top of the rooftop holding someone's dead body.

~~~~~

For the next few days, everything seemed like normal. Vanessa didn’t mention anything about the shit talking, she didn’t say shit about you walking her home either, and nothing about that weird homeless man and his weird bullshit. You felt relieved on the fourth day: nothing strange had happened, and you felt like something was slowly coming off your shoulders: nothing bad was going to happen, everything would continue as normal.

Right?

You still had no evidence of anything happening, and Vanessa seemingly didn’t remember shit about the day, so you had to assume that it was just some weird dream: maybe you drank some beer with her and you ended up like this. You didn’t know if it really did happen, to be honest: you were doubting yourself.

So, a week after the whole thing, you decided to head back to that weird alleway to see if there was anything that could help you. Putting on your most concealing outfit, just some sweatpants and a hoodie, you ventured out and started to wander around, wondering where the hell you went. Eventually you traced your steps, remembering little bits from the strange… night? Dream? You didn't know, which was also the reason why you were even here. Did that bullshit really happen?

You saw some evidence of you being there: a trash can that was still knocked over from the man, the man's little area he had set up to live, which was now taken over by another person, your pencil you had dropped trying to get away from him which was… in surprisingly good condition. You didn’t know why that gave you a feeling of dread when you recognized the alleyway: it looked like any other, but there was just… something off putting about it, even in the daytime.

When you approached, you heard something rattle, like something metal had dropped. You rushed in, only to see just that, a trash can lid rattling on the ground, like someone was there.

And along with it, that damn show that the man had left behind, this time, it was moved slightly.

Ok, now this was weird.

~~~~~

You didn’t like the feeling you got when you were walking back home. It was still bright out, many people out and about, happy and glowing in the sun.

You didn’t feel like that. You felt terrible. You felt like the sun was going to melt you with all of your layers of clothes, but you didn’t focus on that. You focused on the fact that yes, that night was real, and that it happened, and that that homeless man was gone and you had no idea where he could be. Of course, you didn’t care for a maniac like him, but it was the fact that he was gone that was bothering you. While on the way back home, you wondered what Vanessa would say about it, but you eventually decided against it.

She would call you crazy and say that you were making it up for attention, for starters, and you would also have to explain why you were bringing her home, which would then have to have you explain why you wanted her out of the house. Not a situation you wanted to deal with.

Anyway, as long as that weird man didn’t show up again, you would be fine. He couldn’t do anything to you anyway, right? He wasn’t even there! It had already been a week, what could he be doing?

Your fears were starting to calm down while you were making every excuse you could think of so that you wouldn’t have to worry about it. And then the part where he disappeared came into play. Sure, he had disappeared, but to where?

This made you think. Seriously, where had he gone? Where could he have gone? And why did it sound like someone was choking him when you turned around-

… Was there always a 7 foot tall man in your backyard? No, no there wasn’t. Quickly hiding, you tried to see what he was, but it was no use. He was really hidden, like you. Pulling out your phone, in case he actually saw you. Which you soon found out that yes, yes he did.

You don’t know when he actually was able to get to you, but apparently, it was quick. You didn’t even hear him when he grabbed you by the back of your neck and pulled you up: almost like a kitten and their mother.

You looked up to see some weird armored figure. His armor was black, with little accents of grey here and there. He had two spikes on his back and he also didn’t have a nose. He looked… weird, a little, yes, but you were more worried about the bigass sword that had formed in his other hand.

He stood taller (how?) before he asked, “Tell me, where are your parents?”

“Parents?”

“Yes, that’s what I asked.”

“I-I don’t know.”

“Well, are they in the house with you?”

“N-No, I don’t think so-”

“Great. Then you won’t need to worry about what’s about to happen.”

Before you could ask, he gave you a quick slap to the neck, and you felt something almost pinch your skin. You were going to scream, but nothing came out. Instead, you only fell into a pit of sleep, and you fell more and more, until you only heard wind rushing through your ears, before nothing more.

_______________

yall im tired af lol I should’ve answered more asks but im getting real slow and im sorry. ill try to get more requests out, im just getting overwhelmed by bullshit irl lol

#yandere black beetle

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comradelup · 4 years

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fuck it. balance youtuber au because i’ve been thinking about it

(modern au with no magic but still elves/dwarves/etc)

the twins have a joint channel but they post things together as often as they make videos on their own. they do vlogs, story times, and challenge videos both together and not, but do stuff with fashion/makeup together. taako does cooking on his own and lup does chemistry experiments that involve fire more often than not. if someone says they like the twins’ videos it’s a wild card as to what they watch them for, but everyone ends up liking all of their content because who can hate the twins? they have a lot of “annoying influencer” energy but are actually really nice to fans/people in general and donate a lot of their Youtube Money to charities and stuff (all of the ipre does this too because fuck rich people except for them)

magnus’ channel is mostly woodworking/construction projects. he does occasional story times and in every one he’s carving and/or painting a wooden duck. he does vlogs too and half of them are him buying more woodworking stuff (idk shit about it so idk what he’d get lol) and the other half have a part where he sees someone walking a dog and him going to meet them. almost every video includes/mentions julia and people make “magnus talking about julia” compilations bc he loves his wife and talks about her all the time. he’s very positive in general and everyone loves how he’s a human golden retriever

merle’s channel is 99% gardening, 1% collating with the others. he made one joke along the lines of plant fucking and it was not serious at all but his subscribers/followers made into such a big joke that he makes at least one joke per video except for when his kids are in the video, which is when he makes it suuuper educational and fun and wholesome. mookie tries to eat the plants and play with the soil and mavis tells her dad about what she’s learned about biology in school. also he puts “(emotional)” and “(not clickbait)” at the end of video titles randomly despite knowing what they mean

barry’s channel is science-centric (yes he collabs with lup frequently) but about more feilds of science. sometimes he goes on rants about theoretical physics like a madman a la bdg’s unraveled series and sometimes he makes videos titled “making the volcano kitchen experiment but the size of a kiddie pool (emotional).” he also has a series about paranormal activity/cryptids, stuff like “why ghosts should be and are real” and “my top five favorite pieces of bigfoot evidence” and like i said this is a no magic au but he once was asked in a q&a about what he’d do if he was a lich and gave a surprisingly detailed response? people were really confused but intrigued?? did barry invent magic???

lucretia 100% has an art channel, but she also writes prose and poetry in her free time and sometimes reads them for videos. she posts speedpaints of her work (digital and traditional) with her telling her process/inspiration or doing story times as the background audio. she had a period of time where she started writing a whole novel in her spare time (basically the balance story but different characters) and all her videos were her making concept art. her fans loved it and boosted it to the point where it actually got published, so now she’s a best selling author with a seven book series. now she keeps making videos of her concept art for other book ideas (the other arcs) with her infodumping about the characters/plot/etc

davenport doesn’t actually have a channel, but has been in the background of all the others’ videos to the point where he’s treated like a cryptid and has a small fanbase of his own. he’s mostly in merle’s videos (because they’re dating) and magnus’ vlogs (because magnus Loves His Friends) but he’s been in at least a handful of everyone’s videos. he makes a twitter and instantly gets thousands of followers. he tweets the most random shit at the most random times and half of them become memes. people find out he’s a professor at the college the rest of them met at and everyone looses it

kravitz is in a similar position as davenport, but he was convinced to start a channel. he mostly does stuff involving antiques because he collects them, so he does haul videos of what he bought or thrifted and videos of him restoring them as he looks up how old they were and what random shit they were used for and stuff. people make compilations of him getting off topic and going on a tangent about taako then realizing he just rambled for ten minutes and getting flustered. he also plays a handful of classical instruments and makes occasional collabs with lup + barry

despite having completely different channels they’re all friends??? people didn’t know at first but they found out through davenport and kravitz “this one guy who i think is dating taako but i’m not sure and idk his name” showing up in everyone’s videos. from then on they started collabing more often and it’s really fun to see them outside of their element. lup once almost burnt down magnus’ workshop while making a chemistry video with him. taako tried to teach kravitz how to make macaroons (keyword: tried) and kravitz talked about this new antique shop he found the whole time. barry went on and on and on about biology while gardening with merle, who tried to follow along but failed and ended up making fun of all the scientific names for plants

they call themselves the red robes after the main characters in lucretia’s novel (they’re not similar to the characters but there’s seven of them and six youtubers + one davenport)

they once did a big group collab where the twins dressed everyone up in high fashion outfits and lucretia painted a big portrait of all of them. it was very wholesome but also had a lot of lup and taako arguing over what accessory fits who and “no this person should do their hair like this!” and at one point magnus and kravitz just dipped to go play cards and talk about dogs

speaking of wholesome angus has a channel of his own which is mostly booktube with him getting halfway through a mystery novel, predicting the ending, and being 100% correct. he’s done videos with the others and is kinda associated with them but not totally, and is often lovingly referred to as the nephew to the rest of them

killian and carey don’t have a channel but are in the bg of magnus’ videos often. they were referred to as “magnus’ lesbian friends” until they got popular on instagram and became an internet power couple. johann has a small channel and a soundcloud he plays violin on and did one (1) collab with lup and it made him blow up overnight. avi has a semi-popular twitter and is mostly known as johann’s bf. sloane and hurley have a channel about drag racing/cars in general and don’t show their faces and go by the raven and ram

i was trying to think of who’d have a gaming channel and it’s 100% graham, who casually mentions that he’s friends with Pro Wrestler Jess The Beheader

lucas has a science focused channel similar to barry’s where he tries to be educational and ends up being annoying/kind of wrong about it. barry has a mini series called “lucas miller is a bitch here’s why” and it’s him disproving lucas’ theories with a deadpan expression and generally being better at science than him

remember when i said taako and lup have influencer energy despite being nice? yeah, lydia and edward are like that but they’re actually annoying. they have a popular makeup/fashion channel and lup and taako have gotten into slight drama with them over how the wonderland twins have been rude to them and the how the red robe twins are “jealous.” the internet is divided over who likes which pair of twins better

lup learns that greg fucking grimauldis (who the twins knew in high school) has a popular twitter/insta platform and tweets the “i am to collect” speech out of nowhere from everyone’s pov. taako tweets the video he took of him telling her and her immediately going “no fucking way that ASSHOLE is getting away with what he did to me” and opening twitter. it becomes a meme and he pays her back and changes his social media handles to “gregfuckinggrimauldis”

i can’t think of anything else because i don’t know enough about youtube but yeah.

#i was gonna go on about lupcretia in this au but this post is long enough #txt #balance #taako #lup #magnus #merle #barry #lucretia #davenport #kravitz #taakitz #ipre twins #ipre #not tagging the rest because its in the bg lol #long post

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borhap-au · 4 years

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Dad!Rami (Babygirl):

trying for a baby hasn’t been easy for you and Rami

FIRSTLY, he took his time to agree to try

mostly he was just scared that by the time the child would go to college, he would look like their grandpa

but you managed to convince him by saying that the child doesn’t need a young handsome dad, they will need a dad who loves them

and that Rami could definitely give to them and was more than willing to do

(also, Rami totally doesn’t look his age so you knew he’d be the hottest grandpa in town)

he was good with children, always taking care of his nieces and nephews

he was the cool uncle and you were sure he’ll be the coolest dad

also, he knew how much you wanted children, and he would never forgive himself if he was the reason you never made that dream come true

after all, at the altar he promised to help you fulfill all of your dreams

THEN, you didn’t have enough time to properly try

there was an occasion maybe once a week, and whenever Rami had more of a free time, you were not on you fertile days

he was away all the time filming, but he promised you that as soon as you got pregnant, he won’t agree to any projects, to be there with you

of course you thought it was a crazy idea, so you made a compromise

he will do movies, but only those that were being shot close enough so he would come back home for the nights

THEN, another obstacle… and quite a big one

you just couldn’t get pregnant

Rami obviously blamed himself, as he was much older

he was mad at himself for waiting

there was a tension growing between you

neither of you would admit it, but you both were scared that it will slowly tear you two apart

you heard him saying a few times that you should’ve started trying right after the wedding and that he was stupid for waiting for God knows what

you tried to talk about how you felt, but there were no words to describe it

anytime the tests showed negative results, you both were more and more disappointed

you visited doctors, of course, but they didn’t know how to help you get pregnant

all they suggested was a surrogate or adoption

and then, out of nowhere – a positive result

you tried like 6 different tests and they all showed the same

you didn’t even know how to describe your happiness, so you simply screamed

Rami immediately came to the bathroom to see if you’re okay

and when you – the crying mess – showed him the result, you knew he understands

because you never saw purest joy than the one you saw in his eyes in that moment

it was a real miracle and honestly, all the months of doubt and insecurity stopped having any meaning after you saw tears of happiness in Rami’s eyes

actually, at the beginning of the pregnancy, you travelled with him a bit, because he had to finish all of his projects

you felt surprisingly good, definitely much better than your friends

maybe it was the sun, the changing of environment, constant recharging

and the closeness of Rami, who you’d be normally missing if he was away doing a movie

it all definitely made you feel better

but you obviously took into account all the recommendations

you always took your pills and did everything else the doctor told you

and you were honestly treated like an egg by the sweetest hubby ever

Rami was there with you as much as he could

he would massage your legs, shoulders, rub your belly

Rami always made sure you were in the most comfortable position

so you usually had your legs on him

he would very often talk to the child, sing to them, tell them stories

“you know, your mom was so excited to have you, than when I said we should start trying, we started trying… like right away!”

“Rami, don’t tell our child such stories!”

“what, they can’t even understand yet” he chuckled

you didn’t even know the sex of the child

Rami didn’t want to know, so you asked the doctor not to tell you either

you knew how easily things just slipped from your mouth

and you didn’t want to spoil it for Rami

at the end of the pregnancy, he only took a role that ensured him staying close to your house, so if you went into labor, he would immediately come to you

but actually it happened during a night, so he was home

he was there with you during the entire time, holding your hand

he cut the umbilical cord

when he saw your little daughter and had the chance to hold her in his hands, his eyes immediately got wet

after all, there was a time when he lost all hope that he’ll ever be a dad

“She’s so beautiful, y/n, she’s just like you”

when you were able to hold your baby for the first time, he sat next to you and kissed your head

he took a bunch of photos, some of which you wanted to murder him for

he praised you all the time, telling you how brave and strong you were and how he admired you for giving him the miracle of a child

he wanted to be the first one to do everything

dress her first, bathe her first, change her diapers

anytime you saw him, he had her on his arms

he was jealous that he couldn’t feed her, but you promised him that as soon as she’ll be able to eat from a bottle, he will feed her

he was often filming you and the baby or making pictures, ‘cause he wanted to remember all of those moments forever

fuck, he even posted a picture of her little foot on his Instagram, again, praising you

he did it five months after she was born though, ‘cause he lost the password

she smiled first to him, laughed to him as well

she was such a daddy’s girl since day one

whenever you left Rami with your daughter, when you came back, the whole house was a mess

and they both were a mess

especially when she got a bit older and started talking

yes, her first word was dada

“she wanted to bake a cake” he would say innocently being covered in all the ingredients, holding your baby in a kitchen full of flour

he just couldn’t say no to her, and she learnt that very quickly

and she used it

your daughter loved dinosaurs, so there was a running joke in the gang about her being Joe’s daughter

but in truth she looked exactly like little Rami

the same eyes, the same hair color, the same skin tone

whenever Rami was away, he skyped with his girls almost every night

you sometimes put your daughter to sleep just by placing the laptop next to her bed, and he talked to her until she fell asleep

you got her a puppy when she was little

and the dog followed her everywhere, sleeping close to her, making sure she’s safe

she called him “Roger”

Roger had mixed feelings about that name

she often slept in your bed as well, often on Rami, cause she was calmer to feel his or your heartbeat

when she was five, you adopted a child

a little Babyboy

Rami needed to promise your daughter he will still love her the same, because she was very jealous

(another thing she got from him ;)

but when the baby arrived in the house, she immediately fell in love with him

she wanted to help with everything

yup, she totally reminded you of her father

you went to the bedroom one time and she was rocking your son on her hands to calm him down

yes, Rami has that on camera

he was a very attentive father, and your children always came to him first with any problems

he was the one to think of all sorts of adventures for them

he taught them anything they were willing to learn

he read them bedtime stories or make them up every night

he bought them so many toys, they were literally everywhere

fun fact: neither of your kids knew whether it’s their dad or uncle Sami. It was funny every time

and yes, they grew up listening to Queen, but that doesn’t surprise anyone, now, does it?

Joe bought them little shirt saying “I <3 Queen” and “Queen’s #1 fan”

and it made Rami the proudest father

(and it made Freddie the proudest grandfather)

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kim-seungmine · 5 years

Text

let’s go home together

title: let’s go home together

characters: (fem) reader x i.n/yang jeongin of stray kids

word count: 4692

genre: slice-of-life, romance, high school au, emo!jeongin i guess

synopsis: jeongin is heartbroken and you’re in love. separated by two different feelings, both of you soon learn about how blurry the line between the two is.

a/n: i planned this to be longer tbh. nevertheless, here it is! this story is pretty straightforward, i hope you’ll like it! and this is a i’ll hold your hand spin-off so you’ll see some familiar stuff! (you can read this on its own!)

Yang Jeongin doesn’t know why it’s called “broken heart” instead of “destroyed heart” or “ruined heart” because seriously, he feels his heart has been shattered into a million of pieces and the word “broken” will never be able to represent how devastated he exactly is.

Everyone—especially high school students—has experienced at least 1 painful breakup but this is never what Jeongin expected to feel. His English tutor Kim Seungmin said that first breakups always hurt more, but he never mentioned that it would hurt this bad.

“What are you doing here?”

Jeongin glances at his surroundings, narrowing his eyes when he sees you standing at the door, your backpack slung over one shoulder. He’s seen you somewhere he can’t remember, but Jeongin is sure you’re also a sophomore. “Can’t I be here?” he responds with an icy tone that makes you furrow your brows.

“Everyone is welcome here,” you answer. “But you are aware that this is the Arts club meeting room, right?”

“Do I look like I would suck at drawing? Aren’t you guys supposed to support one another because there’s no right and wrong in art?”

You rub your temple. “That was just a yes-no question,” you pause to look at his nametag, “Yang Jeongin. Are you usually this irritable?”

“No,” he sighs. “Sorry.”

You shrug, setting your art supplies near the easel in front of Jeongin’s. “Whatever,” you mumble. “As long as you don’t break things, feel free to come.”

Jeongin has been kicked out of every single club he joined after his breakup for fighting every single person in the room (or court) and almost destroying the baseball club’s bat, but that’s another story for another day.

For now, he just desperately needs a place to make him forget.

It’s been an hour since Jeongin decided to join Arts club, and surprisingly he hasn’t snapped at anybody else but you. Lee Minho, the club’s tutor, looks like he won’t give a shit even if Jeongin burns the whole room down and the other kids don’t even bat an eyelash at him. He enjoys pouring all the rage and sadness he has in him onto the canvas; it almost feels like a therapy.

Minho stops in front of him, examining his work before tapping his shoulder. Jeongin has no idea how Minho ended up in this place. One look at him and he knows Minho will forget everything everyone in this room says in 30 seconds. “Now Jeongin, our newest member, could you tell us anything about your painting?”

Jeongin takes a glance at his painting (that wasn’t exactly a painting, just bold splashes of colors) as the whole class keep their gazes on him. He knows none of them actually cares and that’s what he wants: being honest without having anyone asking him questions.

“I’m just angry,” he answers. Minho nods, “And you definitely didn’t hold back. Amazing, Jeongin, but I hope you’ll feel better soon.”

Minho’s tone is almost nonchalant, but Jeongin appreciates the fact that the older boy doesn’teven bother pretending to care. Putting all his belongings back into his bag, Jeongin stops when Minho reaches you. “Your turn, Y/N.”

You clear your throat, stealing glances at Minho as you’re talking about the importance of small kind gestures. “So, if you’re wondering why you’re so easily annoyed by small matters, it’s probably because you never really stop to appreciate the little joys in life.”

Minho hums in approval and your cheeks flush a little. “Well, in that case, you opening the classroom for me today definitely made my day better. Thank you Y/N.”

You only respond with a small smile, but the look in your eyes gives everything away. You have a huge crush on Lee Minho, and Jeongin wonders when you will realize that Minho won’t return your feelings. Was his relationship this obvious too? Did other people notice that it wasn’t working?

Was he the only one who was blind?

Life itself is a rollercoaster ride, but the speed doubles when you’re in love: one second you feel like you’re on top of the world, but it goes down before you can even reach out to the sky. It gives you a taste of excitement, of fear, of happiness, but the moment you want to savor those feelings, the ride ends. Leaving you all messy and nauseous.

You love painting, you love getting your hands dirty as you mix colors and swipe your brush on the empty canvas. But not when you have a tutoring lesson in 10 minutes. Seungminnever likes it when you stain the worksheets he prints with so much care although it happens all the time and there’s nothing you can do about it.

“When will your lazy ass hand in homework on time?!”

Your brain registers that voice as Seungmin’s, but you remember e-mailing your homework to him last night. And since when is he calling you “lazy ass?”

“How did you know that I’m here?”

“Maybe it’s time for you to hide your Instagram Stories from me.”

“How much does my Mom pay you? Why are you even more demanding than she is?”

“Enough to drag you back to Busan and make you beg for her forgive—hi Y/N!”

It turns out that Seungmin isn’t scolding you, but the angry boy you just met. Jeongin mouths a quiet, “Ah so that’s where I saw her!” before turning to Seungmin. “Why are you only harassing me?” he quips.

You continue to watch them snap at each other, almost failing to return Minho’s wave as the latter quickly slips past the bickering—they’ve started yelling now—duo. You don’t know why you’re still standing there; maybe it’s because of the way Seungmin returns Jeongin’s snarky remarks with sass you’ve never seen before.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Seungmin.” You tap his shoulder to grab his attention. “I have to go home now.”

“Oh wait!” he exclaims. “I’ve been meaning to tell you this, but next week I’ll start intensive practice for our next baseball match and the schedule clashes with your session. Since you two apparently know each other, can I combine your sessions together?”

Jeongin snorts. “You’re in your last year. Why are you still in the team?”

“There are 2 reasons. One, nobody is a better pitcher than I am and Seo Changbin is desperate. Two, I want to do it.”

“When’s your session?” you ask Jeongin when he’s about to start another war with the older boy. English looks like an easy subject, but it really isn’t. You’re not a top student, and you don’t want to lose Seungmin. He’s a great tutor and also a dependable big brother you wish you had.

“Every Thursday.”

“I’m free on Thursdays, so it’s fine.”

Seungmin lets out a sigh of relief and pulls both you and Jeongin to his sides. “Let me buy you dinner, my children!”

Ten minutes later, you’re munching Subway’s meatball burger while listening to Seungmin’s so-called lecture about moving on. “Don’t force yourself to move on. What you’re doing right now will only hurt yourself more,” he says.

You prop your elbow on the table, watching Jeongin’s expression hardens as Seungmin takes another piece of French fries. Talking about feelings with your English tutor and a boy you barely know feels rather weird. Usually you just hop from a circle of friends to another without really being a part of them. Feelings never get involved, except maybe with Minho.

“I’m fine. I’m over her,” Jeongin emphasizes, squeezing his paper cup as he downs the rest of his Cola. “Can we please talk about something else?”

“What did she say to you?”

The idea of separation confuses you more than the idea of falling in love. It’s not entirely because of the person leaving you—you’re used to that—it’s about the feelings that linger. You’ve never been in an actual relationship, but you know about heartbreak all too well. When your best friend from the orphanage you live in got adopted, you felt it. The pain of being left behind. Then someone else left and you felt it again. Soon, it became a routine.

The exact same feeling, with the same amount of pain, but nothing more.

Jeongin huffs, glancing at Seungmin who nods in approval. “Nothing. She just said that she doesn’t like me anymore… which is bullshit. I must’ve done something wrong.”

“Is she dating someone else now?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Maybe that’s all there is to it. She simply doesn’t like you anymore.”

Seungmin clears his throat, patting your hand as a sign to stop talking. “How is that possible?” Jeongin counters.

Seungmin is now gripping your wrist, but you ignore him. “People get bored, Yang Jeongin. Even parents get bored of their children. I’ve seen people returning the children they choose by themselves before the adoption is finalized just because they don’t feel like it anymore.”

“What she means is—”

“You mean I’m boring and not likeable so I should just shut up because she was bound to dump me anyways?”

“Why do you always make conclusions before people finish talking?!”

“But you said it yourself! You, who don’t have a boyfriend or even a friend of your own!”

“Stop it, both of you.”

The tone of Seungmin’s voice, people’s stares and the suffocating silence that follows immediately shut you up. You gather your things, blinking your eyes rapidly so no one will notice that you’re crying. “I’m sorry,” you quiver. “Forget everything I said. And thanks for the burger, Seungmin.”

Jeongin’s words keep playing in your head as you’re catching the last train, and you realize that you have nowhere and no one to come home to.

Seungmin is already waiting in the library when Jeongin shows up. “Where’s Y/N?” he questions.

“Please don’t give me that look,” Jeongin dismisses him, opening his laptop. “I tried, okay? I tried going after her but I couldn’t find her.”

“We’re not starting until Y/N is here. I’m responsible for both of you, but you have to apologize for being such an asshole last night,” Seungmin states. There was a time when Jeongin thought being an asshole sounded cool, but now his heart just feels heavy.

“Have you ever been an asshole to someone?” he asks, almost too quiet for Seungmin to hear.

“I don’t know, does liking your best friend’s soon-to-be girlfriend count?”

“You’re supposed to be my life guru but you’re asking me this basic question?” Jeongin scoffs. “Liking someone is never a crime… as long as you don’t make a move to steal her or anything. Does this girl like Hwang Hyunjin? Or Han Jisung? But no way, Han Jisung only has eyes for Lee Chaeyeon.”

“Bingo,” Seungmin sighs. “And how do you know my friends so well?”

“Hi guys. Sorry I’m late.”

Jeongin looks up, meeting your puffy eyes. You look like you cried yourself to sleep and he makes a mental note to actually apologize to you this time. He’s not an asshole, especially when he’s had firsthand experience of being hurt (and dumped).

He quickly pulls out a chair for you, trying to make his intention to make peace crystal clear. “I went to sleep straight away last night. Sorry I didn’t do the homework,” you tell Seungmin who only smiles at you. “It’s fine, Y/N. We’ll go through it today.”

“I’m sorry.”

Jeongin cringes when he hears his own voice because it’s supposed to sound calm and sincere, not desperate. “I’m gonna sabotage the class for 5 minutes,” he informs Seungmin before turning to you. “I’m taking back everything I said last night. I know what’s done is done and you probably won’t believe me, but it’s not true. And thank you, for being honest with me.”

You glance at Seungmin who’s looking at you as if you’re about to burn Jeongin to ashes. “I’m not gonna kill him, Seungmin. Don’t worry,” you chuckle, and soon the three of you are laughing like there’s no tomorrow.

“I think it’s better if you find out now than later. Maybe it hurts less this way.”

No, it fucking doesn’t. Being rejected before you actually confess still hurts just as bad. Probably even worse. Does Minho hate you that much? Are you that annoying that Minho decided to straight up reject you when you haven’t planned to tell him about your feelings?

How did he know anyways? Was it because you baked him cookies that one time? Was it because you recommended him to your teacher when the school needed a new tutor for Arts club? Was it because you bought one of his cats a new collar?

…. damn. You were obvious.

Now, hidden near the parking lot, you’re crying your heart out—ignoring your ringing phone. Getting rejected sucks, but it’s still nothing compared to having a break down in front of other people. You hate crying in public; you swallow everything up and become one of the toughest students at school.

But you’re nowhere near tough, you’re just too stubborn and too prideful to let people see your true self.

“You’re really something, aren’t you?”

You look up—with bloodshot eyes and runny nose—to see Jeongin hovering over you, hands on his hips. “Out of all places you could choose, you chose to cry behind these bushes. You really think no one will hear you if you’re wailing here?”

“Shut up,” you groan. “How did you know that I’m here?”

He rolls his eyes. “I told you. Everyone can hear you sobbing from a meter away. For someone who wants to stay hidden, you’re loud.”

His face turns a little pale when you bury your face into your knees again. Jeongin crouches down, brushing fallen leaves on your head before cupping your cheeks. “Let’s go home.”

Yang Jeongin isn’t your friend. Well, both of you are in the Arts club and he’s also in Kim Seungmin’s English tutoring group, but he’s not your friend. You two just happen to have helped each other a little, and seeing that he no longer punches anyone or anything in his way means you must have done something right.

Yang Jeongin isn’t your friend, so how does he make you feel better with just a simple phrase?

“Why? Do you want to do something else? Cake? Movies? PC Room?”

You shake your head, letting him pull you up. “Do you even know where I live?”

“Nope.”

“What if it’s faraway from your place?”

He shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. We can still go together, can’t we?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Jeongin lets you lead the way, swiftly enveloping your hand in his when you start sniffling again. “Was this the first time you got rejected?” he asks, as if the said event happened a long time ago. He cracks a smile when you scowl at him. “Stop making fun of me.”

“I’m not!” He lifts his hands in defends while still holding yours. “Trust me on this, you’ll feel better after you talk about it,” he continues. “So go on, talk about his pretty eyes, his sexy thighs—”

“Are you sure you’re not the one having feelings for Minho?”

“…his powerful, soulless stare that opens the portal to another universe, his zero interest in teaching us arts because let’s face it, he’s a shitty tutor.”

You’ve been heartbroken for 30 minutes, but you can already see how it weakens you. The fact that humans can be so easily swayed always scares you, but you don’t want this moment to end. You want to stay like this, walking to the bus stop with Jeongin’s hand wrapped around yours in a tight grip and talking about nothing else but Lee Minho. You want to keep looking into his sparkly eyes as he listens to your rambles. You want to remember his soft voice convincing you that beautiful days will come soon.

Jeongin probably means none of them, but all the words he says sound like a promise, like a seed planted inside your heart.

Whether it will bloom or not, you have no idea.

Whether Jeongin is a rebound or a new love, you have no idea.

At least not yet.

grumpy: im outside

Nothing really happened during your way home. Besides trying to make you stop crying, Jeongin didn’t do anything—only holding your hand until you arrived at the orphanage. He played a game of soccer with some of the little kids before heading home without saying a word to you. No scolding, no snarky comments, no words of encouragement, nothing.

But now, standing in dark, wearing his pink Converse, he’s something and everything you need. Before Jeongin can say anything, you’ve run to him and wrapped your arms around his waist. You expect him to push you away, or at least yells in shock, but he only returns your hug. When you begin to sob into his shirt, Jeongin presses a kiss onto your hair.

“The power that Lee Minho has,” he finally whispers. “He made our Ice Princess cry like this.”

“I never said anything about Minho. Were you really following me?” you croak, trying to look into his eyes before he hugs you even tighter. The moment you hear his calming heartbeat, he begins to ramble about how “ungrateful morons” like Minho deserve nothing but a middle finger. Jeongin whisper-yells all kinds of curse words he knows in your stead, occasionally rubbing your back everytime you seem to shiver in his hold.

When he eventually pulls away, you’re a mess. Being with Minho makes you feel light and giddy—away from your worries. Being with Jeongin makes you feel the exact opposite; he keeps you on the ground like gravity, reminding you that the world is often harsh and unwelcoming. Strangely, you can’t get enough of it. Of him. Whatever his real intentions may be.

“Why are you here?” you blurt out, chuckling when he fails to answer. “Do you pity me that much? Or do you just want to welcome me to Yang Jeongin’s Broken Heart Club?”

“Do you really like him that much?” he asks instead, sparkly eyes clouded with something you can’t fathom.

The question remains unanswered until you wake up in the morning, his voice echoing in your head.

As much as he wants to be good at saying goodbyes, Jeongin has to admit that it’s something he’ll never get used to. Whether it’s saying goodbye to his family in Busan after every visit, saying goodbye to his big brother when he enlisted, or even saying goodbye to a stray cat he meets outside his house.

Jeongin hopes the next time he gets his heart broken, he won’t end up this pathetic.

Seungmin is graduating today after getting into Seoul National University, living up to his “perfect, almighty Kim Seungmin” nickname. Saying goodbye to his English teacher shouldn’t be hard, but Jeongin’s heart hurts a little at the thought.

He spots you from afar, carrying a huge painting you both made the night before. Jeongin jogs to you, taking the painting into his arms. “I hope no one laughs at it,” you mutter quietly.

“I think people will be scared,” Jeongin laughs. “It’s a puppy wearing uniform for God’s sake. What do you expect?”

You huff as you enter the auditorium filled with parents, teachers and the graduates themselves. “And whose idea was that?”

Jeongin grins, putting down the painting at the corner of the room before ruffling your hair. “Mine.”

Your eyes light up at his cheekiness, and he realizes nothing scares him more than having to say goodbye to you.

“Today’s our graduation day, and I kept debating with myself whether I should do this or not.”

Jeongin stands on tiptoe to see the stage better, gasping when he spots Seungmin standing there.

“Thank you to our headmaster for letting me do this.” Seungmin stops to bow at the headmaster, causing everyone to do the same. “I know I don’t usually sing, but I’d like to perform this for all of you: for those who want to let go, for those who want to start fresh, and for those who just want to have fun. This is First Time.”

Seungmin’s sweet voice bewitches the whole auditorium, including you. Jeongin watches you intently, his smile gets wider with each “Whoa!” that escapes your lips. At times like this, you look like an innocent child who only knows the beauty of the world.

“Kim Seungmin has gone insane,” he comments, letting his shoulder brushes with yours. You glance at him, your lips slowly forming a pout. “Why? He sounds good.”

Jeongin points his finger at another girl in the crowd who’s singing along to the song with Hwang Hyunjin, one of the most popular seniors at school. “This song is for that girl,” he explains. You widen your eyes when you let the lyrics sink in. “He’s… breaking up with her?”

“Are you kidding me? He has no chance against Hwang Hyunjin.”

“Where did you get this information?”

“The perfect, almighty Kim Seungmin showed up at my uncle’s house at 3AM and begged me to let him weep over his one-sided love in my room.”

There seems to be a lot of things you want to say, but now Han Jisung has joined Seungmin on stage. You cheer along with the crowd, singing along to the lyrics while trying not to cry. Jeongin averts his gaze back to the stage so that you could cry freely. He meets Seungmin’s eyes at some point, and Jeongin wonders when Seungmin learned to say goodbye with such sincere eyes.

“Do you think Seungmin will be okay?” you mumble when the song ends. Seungmin and Jisung give everyone one last bow before running down the stage, carefree smiles on their faces. Jeongin ponders your question, looking for the familiar ache he himself has been feeling for months.

It’s gone.

“He will,” Jeongin finally answers. “Maybe not now, but he will.”

“I assume that you guys know I won’t ever hang this in my room. Or anywhere in sight.”

Seungmin examines the painting you and Jeongin give him, grimacing as he tries to brush off the dry paint on the dog-slash-human’s face.

“Jeongin did that,” you retort. “Actually all of this happened because of him.”

“This will give me nightmares,” Seungmin protests with a huge smile on his face. This won’t be the last time you see Seungmin because he will always have time for a Day6 concert and so will you, no matter how many part time works you have to do in order to go. Even so, you still have tears rolling down your cheeks which makes Jeongin pouts.

“I can’t believe you’re crying over Kim Seungmin.”

Seungmin smacks his back playfully. “Awww, is our baby jealous?”

Jeongin flushes deep red and Seungmin yells at his friends to wait for him. “I have to go,” the latter says solemnly. “Don’t kill each other. I know how much you kiddos wanna kiss each other so do just that, okay?”

“I’m gonna kill him instead,” Jeongin mutters under his breath as Seungmin leaves. His sharp words jab at your heart, harder than Minho’s words and it makes you feel everything you’ve been trying not to feel for the past few months.

“Jeongin.” You tug on his sleeve, looking down when he searches your eyes.

“Does Seungmin graduating really made you this sad? He’s only a phone call away and he loves you more than he loves me and—”

“I didn’t like Minho that much,” you whisper. Jeongin gapes at you, pulling you closer to him as you fumble with your skirt. You lift your head up to see him trying to stop himself from grinning, tightening his grip on your wrist.

“Minho volunteered at the orphanage a year ago, and he still comes often now. When everyone found out we go to the same school they introduced him to me. And being with him was so easy. He was nice,” you tell him.

Jeongin scoffs. “Well, define nice.”

“Why did you stay in Arts club?”

His silence gives you more courage, so you look directly into his eyes this time. “I bet you wouldn’t last 10 minutes if the tutor was someone else,” you conclude. “It was the same for me. Minho never pities me although he knows where I came from; he never even looked at me in pity. That’s probably because he doesn’t care—”

“You’re right, he fucking doesn’t. The most soulless creature in this universe.”

“... but it made me comfortable. I feel comfortable around him. But I guess that’s it.”

“You, meanwhile, make me feel all kinds of things. At first I thought it was because Minho rejected me, but the more I see you the more I realized that it’s not just me looking for a rebound. You confront me, but yet you’re always here somehow. Whenever you didn’t show up at tutoring session or club meeting I became worried. When I don’t see you I’m always wondering whether you feel better—because you deserve to feel better. Your breakup doesn’t define you, Jeongin. Well, you like to cut me off when I’m talking and you’re really annoying sometimes, but other than that, you’re cool.”

“Minho doesn’t like me that way, and while it hurt I got over it pretty fast. “Losing” Minho didn’t affect that much, I’m used to goodbyes anyways. But I’m afraid that I’m gonna lose you, and I think that says a lot about how I really feel about you.”

You take a deep breath, your cheeks starting to blush as Jeongin only stares at you in shock. He squeezes your hand after what seems like an eternity. “I have a confession to make,” he declares. “I hope this won’t ruin things for us but promise me you’ll listen, okay?”

“I did pity you. I know you don’t really have close friends although you do have a lot of friends. Your feelings—or whatever you call it—for Minho were so obvious and it was also obvious that he didn’t feel the same. I gotta admit that made you look pathetic.”

“But I was even more pathetic anyways,” he quickly adds when you pinch his waist. “I tried to stop myself from doing… everything I’ve done, but I just couldn’t stop myself. I did happen to hear your conversation with Minho and I did follow you then, but it was because I felt that my heart broke along with yours. And you cried, goddamn it. I hate seeing you cry.”

“That was why I came to see you again that night, but you cried even more when I was there. I’m not sure if I helped you feel better.”

“You did. I slept well that night,” you say.

He smiles, causing you to poke his dimple. “I’m also afraid to lose you, Y/N. This is cheesy, but I want to see you smile everyday—especially if you smile for me. I want to go home with you everyday, I want to play with the kids at the orphanage while they tell me about how amazing you are. I like you, and I want you to be happy, I guess. And I want to make you happy, if you give me the chance.”

Both of you are blushing like mad now, facing each other awkwardly, but you don’t want to change anything. This is worth all the blushing.

The shyness eventually subsides and now Jeongin’s looking at you with a teasing glance. He pulls you into a hug, kissing your temple tenderly when he thinks nobody is watching. “Let’s go home,” he mumbles. “Together.”

You snort into his shoulder. “You’re saying that as if we live together or something.”

“Home is wherever you are, babe.”

As cheesy as that sounds, Jeongin’s probably right. The two of you found each other in the most confusing time of your lives. And in this big, scary world, having someone to come home to is one of the most beautiful blessings a person should cherish.

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hopevalley · 5 years

Text

Hi everyone! I hope you’re ready for another Tumblr Special™.

Let’s talk about some stuff that’s been on my mind lately.

I’ve been working on my pet project, When Calls the Heart: Reimagined, and my bud @trash-god has assured me that the current first draft isn’t complete garbage, but the discussion we had eventually led to talking about Mark Humphrey and then character-related stuff and as usual I couldn’t shut up.

Before that, I just wanted to drop the update about Reimagined. I don’t know if that’ll be its actual title or not. It’s hard to title a novelization. On one hand you have the option to title it the same as the show, but it’s not the show, so then you’re kind of stuck feeling like you have to come up with something at least slightly different, but it’s still also technically fanfic, and—

Yeah. There’s also the potential for something like this to really blow up in a big way, at least word-wise, so that makes a title even more important. I’ll definitely be out there barking my wares like a peddler on the street, but like...here on Tumblr and especially on Instagram where there are a ton of fans. Twitter too, probably. Considering I have to type this five billion times across social media to try and garner some attention (and hopefully feedback) for it, I’d rather not be embarrassed by the title, or turn people away from it because they think it’s a regular fanfic and not a novelization of the show.

Which leaves me with very few options.

When Calls the Heart: The Novelization

When Calls the Heart: Reimagined

Some other title with a subtitle of “A When Calls the Heart Novelization”

It sounds simple but it’s not. “The Novelization” makes it sound like it’s following the show super precisely. “Reimagined” makes it sound as if it deviates in a big way. Something else could just be too much to type but at least it implies it’s an interpretation. What if this ends up getting absolutely huge and needs to be split up into parts, though? That makes it more difficult.

I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ve made it about five minutes into the first episode, time-wise, and have four thousand some odd words. It’s not even a complete chapter—more like an introduction and the beginning of the first chapter.

But something I noticed in those first five minutes of the television series is that...everything is so incredibly rushed. The pacing is awful. I think I might have talked about this a bit in my ‘episode write-up’ of the first episode, but even though it works well enough for this series (especially considering its S1 budget and everything) it would all be terrible for a narrative choice.

I mean, sure, the first chapter could start with Elizabeth on her journey thinkin’ ‘bout where she’s going, ruminating on her own hubris, and then BANDITS. Cut out and back in to her arriving in town without much of an explanation or showing how she personally handled the whole bandit thing. Then have Abigail, Cat, and Florence steamroll the heck out of her while the narrative laughs at rich, silly Elizabeth who isn’t afraid of hard work but is scared of a mouse.

But that isn’t what I want. Elizabeth as a character, especially the introductory character we’re going to get to know and love over the course of hundreds of thousands of words (in theory, of course), deserves better than that. The narrative cluster from the TV show served its purpose; it flung us right into the thick of things. Which is fine for TV and less fine for what would essentially be a book.

Again, don’t get me wrong, but I want Elizabeth to be the kind of character we don’t know everything about right away. I don’t want to spill every detail of her life right from the get-go. I don’t want her to come off as too obviously rich, especially in her own narrative. I want her observations and mannerisms and attitude to reflect the fact that she comes from money without stating it outright.

I also feel that Elizabeth as a character lacked a lot of attention in the show that, again, worked okay for a tv show, but would be doing her a disservice in a novel. She needs hobbies, passions, random relateable thoughts, habits, joys (especially the quiet kind), and motivation. Not to be That Person, but she needs a personality. As the main character it would just be completely unforgivable to have hundreds of thousands of words dedicated to a character that is dull to read about. Remember, books don’t give us the visually appealing scenes that the TV show does. Elizabeth’s smile, her hair, her fun outfits and hats... Those things can’t distract a reader from the fact that she isn’t a very well-fleshed out or understood character.

It also can’t distract from an insanely rushed narrative.

Tons of people watch WCtH for Erin’s performance of Elizabeth. They won’t be reading this novelization for that reason, because Elizabeth is not Erin.

(Though of course you can imagine her in the role if you want to and most readers will; it’s just not the kind of thing that can carry a book the way it can a piece of visual media.)

Reimagined is, as of right now, just a slight deviation from what we’re used to. Elizabeth has hobbies, interests. She is a passionate teacher who took the position in Coal Valley for Reasons You’ll Read About.

I really liked aspects of the Elizabeth portrayed in the film by Poppy and in the novel by Janette Oke, and some of those tiny things can and will work their way into this version of the story, too. I’m on board with Elizabeth being a writer, but I’m not on board for that being used as journal exposé writing for Narrative Ease and not to really go all-out in showcasing it as something she’s truly and honestly passionate about. If I want to see a movie that did a great job of showcasing a passionate writer, it’s Anne of Green Gables/Anne of Avonlea. Sure, Anne’s flair for flowery writing and drama was embedded into the voiceover bits and had some narrative function, but it was SO clearly a part of WHO SHE WAS that when you thought about who Anne was, you thought, oh, she’s a teacher for her job but she’s a writer at heart—especially when she learns to write from the heart (instead of what she thinks will make her successful).

I don’t expect Elizabeth to be that type of character (she’s far too sensible), but I need her to have a passion. A person doesn’t just take a teaching post in Nowhere Valley, Canada, in 1910 and not have a good reason for it. What drives her? What motivates her? What makes her happy?

And when it comes to writing...what is it about writing that she likes? Enjoys? What’s the best part of it? The worst? I wanted to like Elizabeth’s writing arc because duh, I’m a writer, but it didn’t spark any joy in me because it was just too flat. If you give me half a chance I’ll tell you all the best parts of writing, and the worst, and the most frustrating, and the most rewarding. I’ll talk about character growth and development. I’ll talk about cadence. I’ll talk about self-indulgence.

Elizabeth’s passion for writing existed for one reason: “she writes in her journal for easy skips in the narrative.”

I think she’ll keep her writing passion in Reimagined, but she’ll have other things that matter to her, too, and hopefully if it’s consistently presented it won’t feel like it’s there just to carry a plotline (only for it to disappear afterward).

It’s been fun so far! Elizabeth has been surprisingly nice to write. I won’t lie, though; it’s hard to follow the show enough to make things feel like a novelization while still deviating where it makes sense to. One small example is the conversation that Cat, Abigail, and Florence have with Elizabeth when she gets to town; the TV show didn’t do a bad job with it at all, but when it’s written out exactly the same it feels intensely rushed and out of character/unrealistic. Again, it’s something that got the job done in the TV show, but is nigh unreadable in novel format.

And it’s not the info dumping, either. It’s just the way the characters go about things; it’s not hospitable, it’s not kind, it’s not thoughtful... and we know from later episodes that Abigail is the pinnacle of hospitality and kindness, and Cat isn’t too far behind her! Even Florence isn’t a monster.

So there has been an attempt on my part to twist things slightly, where mayyybe what Florence says that sounds so rude is really just Florence Being Florence (and observing a truth/reality, not always being awful), and where Elizabeth isn’t mocked on top of being doubted, and of course where some concern is shown for her well-being after her stagecoach was robbed and no doubt didn’t show up in town IN THE FIRST PLACE. I mean, how could they NOT know why Elizabeth was late? Being late by a few days or a week was NOTHING back then. It happened ALL THE TIME. (Thanks, weather!)

So yeah! The project is going. I was really getting into writing it last night, and I’d be working on it now, but I’m just too tired to feel useful.

For those wondering about Abigail...she’ll be there. I like the original character and I’ll try to move forward with that person in mind.

But back to the whole thing with Mark and et cetera. It’s really interesting how many WCtH characters got the short end of the stick when it came to character development. They have too many characters for the amount of episodes they get a season, which resulted in like...everyone dating for absurdly long periods of time (that had nothing to do with character-reasons until they felt they had to add that stuff in there to force it to make sense). It wasn’t just Jesse and Clara, either. Obviously Elizabeth and Jack took way too long to get together...and Abigail and Frank dated for literal years and should have had something related to that being..a plot for them. I think it might have been interesting in ways Jesse/Clara can’t be, just because Abigail had a long marriage with Noah and she’s much older than Clara, so she brings all that into a new relationship. Clara’s got different issues and sadnesses to work through.

Obviously it didn’t just result in characters dating for insane lengths of time; it also gave us a lot of just..nothing. This conversation started with Frank, because we were talking about Mark Humphrey, but he’s just one example of a handful. The series focused a LOT more on plot driven stuff than character driven stuff, which makes sense, but look at Frank’s character. He got an arc, and then when it was over, he just kind of became a very backseat background character. We might as well have named him Abigail’s Boyfriend at that point, because he hardly did anything that wasn’t related to Abigail DIRECTLY. He didn’t even really get scenes with Cody, which...c’mon. We deserved those. (The best we got was the Christmas movie where the peddler has his old Bible from prison but that whole thing was...not nearly as good or meaningful as it could have been, and of course IT DIDN’T GO ANYWHERE.)

But then it also happened to Lee, and Jesse, and Clara, and Carson and Faith and—yeah, you get it. I feel like if we had 20 episodes a season this wouldn’t be so bad (each recognizable character could easily get a two part episode plotline), but it’s a symptom of plots > character storytelling. More episodes won’t fix that if they just dump in even more bad plots.

S6 was a large improvement in many areas but they REALLY dropped the ball with Bill overall (easily one of the worst parts of S6 just because he went from being such an involved character to kind of a joke/rag doll that nobody knows how to include in a sensible way) and the children aren’t characters so much as tiny plot devices...that frankly aren’t even particularly interesting.

I’m really looking forward to seeing what they’ll do with S7. I hope it’ll be good! I really want them to get their footing onto solid ground and do the best they’ve ever done. They have something really wonderful and I want to be able to tell people “this series found its way and is worth checking out even if it’s usually not your speed.”

But it’s hard to do that when the characters always end up feeling secondary to the (poorly constructed, not very engaging) plots.

So we’ll see! These are things I can improve upon in Reimagined, but I’d really like the show to do some of that work, too. (Better late than never, right?)

#wcth reimagined #and other shenanigans

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cherrynika · 3 years

Text

It’s nice to see Alex again though he usually avoids former partners. It’s simply been long enough since their breakup that no trace of awkwardness is felt, simply a sense of familiarity. He’s more or less the same, having decided to keep the facial hair Jipyeong had always hated. It’s as sleazy-looking in real life as it is in the instagram photos he pretends he’s not scrolling through. That’s a pointless exercise that makes him wonder if he’d be more successful if he had chosen to stay in San Francisco, or if he’d still be the same person but with shittier fashion sense. It does, however, answer many questions that he’d like to ask (have you neutered Tim Tam yet, yes), prefer not to (are you married, 2 girlfriends and what was probably a sugar baby later, the answer is no), and never wondered (Crossfit is indeed life-changing; hot yoga gives you 10 more IQ points!).

Alex is cordial and professional at the Sandbox, offering Jipyeong nothing but a handshake before they sit down to grade the baby startups. But he lingers conspicuously in the meeting room after all the other judges leave. Jipyeong fingers a piece of his hair that’s come loose despite the pomade and waits.

“You look fluffier. Fatter.” Of course Alex’s first words are about his weight.

“I started eating rice again. I hated low-carb.”

“Rice or tteokbokki?” Alex smiles. “Anyway, it’s not a bad change. Let’s go to Gotgan. I have a reservation for 7pm.”

“You made a reservation for two?” Alex has always been overly confident, but that’s his charm.

“If you say no, I’ll ask Dongchun.”

Jipyeong considers him, looking almost exactly the way he did when Ms Yoon first introduced them 5 years ago. She’s always been able to look right into him and see what he wanted. As much as he respects her, he’s never wanted to tell her that her matchmaking attempt worked. Nothing he does today will have the tiniest effect on the future. All that’s in the past. All that’s waiting for him are Yeongsil and his big silent bed. So he gathers his notes into his satchel and fishes out the keys.

“Let’s take my car.”

“Let’s take the subway. It’s not far and we’ll probably get drunk.”

They stay sober. While getting drunk is fun, Jipyeong’s most regrettable moments (bar one that has surfaced intermittently for the last fifteen years) have all occurred when he was intoxicated (crying at a class KTV when Mrs Choi’s favourite song came on, dancing to Wonder Girls in front of a girlfriend’s parents). Staying sober is for the best.

Alex makes some noises about heading back to his hotel room. They both know he doesn’t mean it.

“I want to show you my new place,” Jipyeong says when they’re halfway there. He’s forgotten how private the sidewalks can be at night, cars on one side, the river on the other, blanketed in the dark. “It’s bigger than the one I had before I went to America.” Waves of headlights wash over them, illuminating Alex’s face before dipping them back into darkness. Everyone is rushing somewhere that only they think is important.

“I’d be surprised if apartments could be any smaller.”

“They’re always getting smaller.” Jipyeong jostles against him to avoid a woman on a bicycle. Alex puts his arm around him and doesn’t let go. In San Francisco this is what couples do. In Seoul they’re just old friends. Skinship, being a mentor, being a sunbae--these are all great excuses for what Jipyeong really wants to do. Even through two shirts and a lined blazer his body wants Alex’s body.

They walk in silence though the lobby, past the doorman whose chief qualification is knowing when not to look and float skywards in the lift.

“We have to take our shoes off, I just want you to know. You can leave them over there. Yeongsil, lights please.” The lights flicker on, Yeongsil is clearly having a good day.

“You know, I don’t let people wear shoes in my house either… That’s not Alexa.”

“It’s Yeongsil, it’s an AI speaker. It’s one of Ms Yoon’s more promising startups. It’s… more interesting than Alexa.” Jipyeong says, taking off his jacket and leaving it on the table. “It told me you were coming last week.”

“No, no, I told you that I was coming.”

“Yeah, but before I got your email. He tells fortunes too and he told me someone from my past was coming.”

“Everyday you meet someone from your past. And you shouldn’t let it listen to everything you do. It’s going to get hacked.”

“Astrology is in, everyone is going to love that feature,” Jipyeong shrugs. “Nothing I do here is worth any money, they can just hack my bank accounts.”

“You’re not paranoid enough for someone who works in tech.” Alex says, as he almost fondles Yeongsil.

“I’m actually trying to reduce my paranoia.” Jipyeong takes Yeongsil from Alex and stuffs him under the jacket. “Does that make you feel better?”

“No.” Alex continues to touch the other things in his apartment without permission. “Is every photo here of yourself? I know you don’t have family photos but that’s so vain. You should’ve kept some of the gang at 2STO or at least something to remind you of me.”

“The internet is filled with pictures of you. Anyway I still have the Grandpa Rudin you lent me, it’s more useful.”

“Did you really finish it?”

“I just wanted to know why everyone complains about it.”

“Well, now you know I guess. If you liked it don’t tell me.” Alex has moved on to the cardboard sign that proclaims Jipyeong the 2001 winner of the Inter High Schools Investment Competition brushing a finger over the scratch mark Tim Tam made on it before Jipyeong decided it would be safer in his closet. “I like the lamps. Are you into art now?”

“The seller had it staged, I just decided to buy it the way it was. I think it looks very cohesive.”

“So that’s why it looks like no one lives here. It’s like you don’t have any stuff.”

“No, I have the plants and I keep the EXO and Apink merch in the walk-in closet, it’s too personal to have it out here.”

“Red Velvet is better. I wish it weren’t so bloody creepy to be an uncle fan.”

Alex is still the only man with whom he can talk about Eunji and Kyungsoo and not feel dirty. He’s stumbled upon Dongchun’s Twitter (which is, in his own defense, a fascinating read) and knows too much about his deep love for TWICE. There is something a little unsettling about ajusshi fans, even if he is one himself.

“I think there’s something more interesting we can do here.” he takes the sign and puts it back on the top shelf. “I haven’t been laid in 6 months. I’m going to burst.”

“Couldn’t you have picked someone up at a nightclub?” Alex is smiling in such a familiar way; they both know this old dance.

“They’re full of university students.” Jipyeong says while helping Alex out of his jacket, which surprisingly, is only GAP. “You smell like metal.”

“It’s Sartorial, remember? From Penhaligon’s? It’s got that magnesium note.”

“You still haven’t finished it?” Jipyeong bought it as a gift while in London for him. It was so long ago, almost like a dream. He’s had dreams, whenever he’s been alone for too long, of undressing another person, but he can never remember what happens afterwards. The dream-person’s shirt has no smell, no trace of sweat. He slips Alex’s shirt off his shoulders. No undershirt as expected.

“Nope. I bought another bottle. It’s different from all the other man-perfumes. It doesn’t just smell like tonka bean.” He slips a finger over Jipyeong’s mouth, smearing his summer lip balm before dipping inside and scratching his gums lightly with a fingernail. “Your mouth is as lovely as you are horrible. Have you learned anything since we split up?”

“Test me,” Jipyeong says.

The only light in the bedroom is light pollution from the city below. It’s still more than enough to see by, despite the fact that Jipyeong’s night vision has gone to shit from more than a decade spent staring at a computer screen.

[this part not written yet]

He dozes off without meaning to and wakes up to the sound of engines. Alex is playing F1. He must have gone through his closet and found the playstation Jipyeong has been trying and failing to quit.

“You’ve got some very impressive beard burn on your jaw. ” Alex says as he overtakes Rosberg. He’s chosen the Singapore circuit. Onscreen the city is cloaked in darkness, the only thing that exists is a winding silver road and cars driving nowhere at 300 miles an hour.

He leans over and takes the controller from Alex, crashing into a Ferrari before spinning out into the barriers. “Are you bragging?”

“No, I’m just being honest.”

It’s a strange mirror of their early days when he would wake up to Alex on a coding binge, the clacking of the keyboard starting and stopping with his thoughts, the weak light of his laptop throwing huge shadows on the wall.

Jipyeong rolls forward on his belly; he wants to see Alex properly. “What do you like about Samsan Tech?”

“I like their engineering. Dosan’s incredibly talented. Their CODA algorithm builds on existing knowledge, and is an improvement on it.”

“And that’s your professional opinion?”

“What else would it be based on?” Alex fixes him with a look.

“Well. People say that you can’t be emotional as an investor. But how can it not be emotional?”

“Jipyeong. I’m excited in the way that I am when I see something beautiful. I wish you could see it too. I still can’t believe you’ve gotten so old without learning to read code.”

“I can code.”

“I don’t mean using OCaml to code a model.”

“There’s only so many hours in a day.” He rolls over and watches the dead light from the screen play across the ceiling. “I can always ask an expert.”

“I’m going back to America after Demo Day, you know. As fun as it would be to stay here and pretend we don’t know each other I have a job I have to get back to.”

“I meant other experts.”

“There are none like me.”

“Well. Talking to you is more fun.” He tangles his fingers with Alex.

“You’re not still posting loss porn on Wallstreetbets are you?”

“I just did. Lost fifty thousand on Apple puts.”

“You’re going to end up living in a corndog stand again.”

“Actually, I won’t. I didn’t tell you yet but I found her last month. She’s in a food truck now. So there’s nowhere I would go.”

“Can I meet her?” Alex perks up. He’s always loved a good story. “I want to know what you were like as a kid.”

#fic

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takeeachdayonebookatatime · 4 years

Text

My Q and A with as much as i could author Brandy Woods Snow.

Here other books are called

Meant To Be Broken (Carolina Clay #1)

Love on Main

About the author she was born and raised in Upstate South Carolina.

she was a journalist for 17 years her articles have been in Delta Sky, Greenville Business Magazine, Columbia Business Monthly, and Home Design & Décor magazine (Charlotte, Raleigh).

Questions:

(Laura8759)

Any books you’re working on at the moment ?

(Brandy)

Earlier this spring, I finished up the WIP that I call the “book of my heart” because it’s very emotional and deals with an issue near and dear to my heart. I’ve started querying that one now, and I have ideas and loose plot sketches for 3-4 other books so now I just need to decide which one is “speaking” to me!

(Laura8759)

Do you have a favorite part of the story ?

(Brandy)

Not to give away any spoilers, but my favorite scene to write was the first kiss scene between CJ and Jett. I don’t want to ruin the story for anyone who hasn’t read it yet but that particular scene was so full of setting and emotion! It’s the first time they truly let down their barriers and bear their soul secrets and there’s just something so special about writing a scene where untrusting people learn to find trust again. And the setting—the entire book is at my “happy place”—Edisto Beach, SC—and that scene captures my favorite time of day on the island—night time on the edge of America where the stars shine like nowhere else over the dark ocean while the tree frogs and cicadas and palm fronds create their own playlist. It’s just such a magical time in a very magical place. I wanted to capture that in that scene.

(Laura8759)

What are your other hobbies when not writing a book ?

(Brandy)

I play the piano, and my family enjoys doing a lot of outdoor activities, like hiking and kayaking. I also enjoy cruising country roads in my “naked” Jeep Wrangler, if that counts as a hobby! LOL

(Laura8759)

What genre of books do you like to read ?

(Brandy)

I am like a 90% YA contemporary and contemporary romance girl. I do, however, read some adult romance and women’s fiction, too, and I’ve been known to read a paranormal or magical realism if it “hits me” just right.

(Laura8759)

Do you celebrate after writing a book ?

(Brandy)

I generally print out the entire thing, hole punch it, and load it into a large binder. From there, I’ll usually snap a photo for Facebook or Instagram and then put it away for a couple months before I attack it with the red pen. That’s probably as hyped up as it gets! LOL Though my husband does insist on taking me out to dinner on the book release dates so there’s at least that! LOL

(Laura8759)

Does anything inspire you when writing a book ?

(Brandy)

I am so inspired by music! In fact, one of the first steps in my writing process is creating a Spotify playlist that goes along with the mood/themes/situations in my book. I’ve noticed that patterns emerge as well. For instance, in my latest WIP, I have Smashing Pumpkins songs galore on my list—just perfectly moody and emotional.

(Laura8759)

Do you outline your book before you write it ?

(Brandy)

I didn’t with MEANT TO BE BROKEN, my first novel so I ended up basically re-writing that one 2.5 times! With AS MUCH AS I EVER COULD, I had a strict plot outline and my beat sheet filled and the edits were significantly minor in comparison. I would say I tend now to be a 50/50 plotter and pantster. I like some definite guidelines but if the plot begins to meander a bit, I’m one to follow it and see where it goes. Sometimes those characters have thoughts of their own!

(Laura8759)

Do you write your story on paper first before you type it out ?

(Brandy)

Pieces of it. If I’m having a hard time with a scene, I might pull out the ol’ pad and pen to scribble some thoughts. It usually ends up in an absolute mess of scribbles that only I can understand and then that gets typed up in the Word doc.

(Laura8759)

Who is your favorite author ?

(Brandy)

I’m not going to lie—I grew up a total VC Andrews junkie. Holy Southern drama and family dynamics! That’s also why I probably have always enjoyed Pat Conroy novels as well. If we’re going to kick it more contemporary, though, I’d have to say that I devour anything from Morgan Matson and Stephanie Perkins.

(Laura8759)

What inspired you to become a writer ?

(Brandy)

I’ve been a writer as long as I can remember. It just seemed to be an innate calling. I began writing stories at age 6 with my old typewriter (yes, I’m old!) and I still have some of these even to this day. One morning when I was 8 I woke up with a poem in my head and I wrote it down immediately in my diary. I still have that one too. It’s surprisingly dark and emotional for the mind of an 8 year old so I can only chalk it up to the thought that this was definitely to be my lot in life. And I’m okay with that! 😊

(Laura8759)

What was your favorite bòok or series as a child ?

(Brandy)

I loved all the “classics” and many of them are now on my own kids’ shelves! Island of the Blue Dolphins, The Sign of the Beaver, Hatchet, Nancy Drew, Sweet Valley High, Babysitters’ Club, The Witch of Blackbird Pond, Where the Red Fern Grows, The Indian in the Cupboard. I could go on and on!

(Laura8759)

Do you have a favorite book ?

(Brandy)

I’m going to keep this one contemporary focused since I have a ton of books I’d call favorites! Morgan Matson’s Second Chance Summer is one of me read-and-read-again books because it has some swoony love interest at the lake during summer vibes, some friendship angles, and tons of family dynamics. It’s a great book to get swept up in!

(Laura8759)

How do you feel about a sequel to one of your books ?

(Brandy)

I hadn’t planned on one for AS MUCH AS I EVER COULD though several people have already asked for it! I mean, I’m not opposed so we’ll see where that goes! LOL I do have a “sequel” (more a companion book) for my first release, MEANT TO BE BROKEN. It’s about 30k words in and being written slowly as I go but I do love the story so maybe sooner than later that one will come to fruition!

(Laura8759)

How did you come up with the idea for your book ?

(Brandy)

I generally come up with the theme first—the emotional hook, which is so important to me. My books and writing are all about the deep, emotional feels so if there’s an idea/emotion I want to explore, I’ll start there and think about the conflict, then the characters, and then the plot after that. I’m totally a character-driven writer!

(Laura8759)

Is there any changes you would make to your book or story ?

(Brandy)

Nope! Not only am I a perfectionist in life, but I’m also an empath so I spend a great deal of time looking at my characters and their actions from lots of different angles. When I complete the MSS edits for publication, it is 100% where I want it to be.

(Laura8759)

How do you feel about ghost writers ?

(Brandy)

Coming from the world of marketing and public relations, I’ve actually ghost written some articles for company CEOs and department heads, so in that part of the writing world, it’s actually very common. When it comes to ghostwriting books, I don’t know that I truly have a huge earth-shattering opinion here. I’ve certainly read books that were ghost-written—I mentioned The Babysitter’s Club as being one of my childhood faves and it was ghostwritten by Peter Lerangis after like Book 35 or 36 I think. I think it’s also probably pretty common in some non-fiction or celebrity stories as well. I will say that I enjoy the transparency in knowing at least that a book is ghostwritten. I guess for some people it’s a good option and for others not so much. For me, I can say I’d never consider it. My books are my ideas and my writing only. I’m too much of a control freak to let someone else take over my stories, which I often call my “children.” 😊

(Laura8759)

(Finale question)

Current book you’re reading ?

(Brandy)

I have just downloaded Abigail Johnson’s EVERY OTHER WEEKEND on my Kindle to take with me on vacation in just a few weeks. I hate to say it but because of my current workload requirements, it’ll probably be next month before I am actually reading “for pleasure!” (FYI – I work as an acquisitions editor and marketing manager for Filles Vertes Publishing and I’m a mentor for the summer program Writementor so I have lots of professional reading to be done!)

Any social media pages our very few readers can find you at and were they can buy your books

www.brandywsnow.com

FB: @BWSnowWrites

IG: @snowbrandy

TW: @brandy_snow

#read #books #reader #reading #bookreviewer #review #asmuchasicould #romance #yasmin khan #brandywoodssnow

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velvetcream03-blog · 5 years

Text

Pregnancy / Third Trimester

Excited to chat with you and share more pregnancy updates. I am currently 37.5 weeks as I am writing this but wanted to get this post up before baby came! Hope you enjoy these updates and if there is anything else you are dying to know, please leave me a comment on this blog post and I will be sure to answer in the comments below. Also, can you even with these photos of Lola?? Her eyes just melt me.

WEIGHT GAINED As of the start of week 37, I have gained 21 pounds.

HOW BIG IS BABY By week 37, Baby is the size of a head of romaine lettuce. A little over 6 lbs!

BABY MOVEMENT This baby is having a dance party on the inside. Of what I have read, movements start to get smaller because there is less room to be moving around but I feel like for me personally movements are bigger and more of them! Baby has been head down since week 18 and his little foot/leg has been kicking and pushing me on the left this whole time. It’s crazy how I can feel it. Getting alot of pressure and punches in my lady parts (sorry… TMI) but little man is making his own plans to break out of uterus jail. HA.

HOW I’M FEELING: PHYSICALLY Heartburn + Reflux: I have never really experienced the kind of heartburn and reflux that I have with pregnancy and my heart goes out to people that have to deal with these symptoms in their normal non-preggo lives. It’s funny because Blake actually has always struggled with reflux and now… I feel his pain. When you are pregnant a lot of your muscles start to relax because of all the hormones and heartburn and reflux can pop up out of nowhere. And HOLY CRAP. It’s bad.

I had started feeling burning in my throat over the beginning weeks in this trimester and everything hit the fan one night. I had eaten an early dinner at 6pm at a favorite mexican spot and enjoyed chips and salsa and then a simple dinner and was out for much of the night on my feet. That night I went to bed and work up at 2am feeling hot, sweaty, and sick…. And then I vomited like 7 times from the reflux. That whole night was sheer hell. The next day…. Equally hellish. I remember crying to Blake that if the whole third trimester was going to be like this… I don’t know how I would survive it.

Luckily I had a doctors appointment soon after that and now take pepcid extra strength 20 mg morning and night. It’s been literally saving me. I have still had some instances of reflux even taking the meds but it’s helping so much so I am incredibly grateful. Other things I do are eat an earlier dinner, avoid reflux trigger foods at night and never lay down after eating. Now at 37 weeks luckily these symptoms have slowed down for me.

Peeing my pants: Guys, still peeing my pants on the regular. Since the baby has dropped lower I have alot more pressure on my bladder and I have to hit the bathroom again constantly. Almost more so than the first trimester.

Hello Nausea: I feel like week 28 hit and the nausea was instantly back. Just when I thought I had left that nasty symptom in the past… it came back. Luckily the nausea is not 24/7 and comes and goes some days and not other days. At least I know to keep extra snacks and crackers with me and that’s been helping.

Fat foot: If you follow me on instagram… you know the story of “Fat Foot.” It’s the dead of Summer heat where I live and even the humidity is up. The last 2 weeks my one foot has been swelling the minute I start to be on my feet as well as going outside. It almost started happening out the blue. My one foot swells incredibly and the other does not. It’s super bizarre. I spoke to my doctor and she said that sometimes one foot can swell more than the other depending on the side of the body the baby is favoring. Honestly there isn’t much I can do about but I will tell you what I have been doing. When I can, I will wear compression socks around the house but honestly, it’s so hot I don’t do this that often. I also do ice water baths to help with the inflammation. I also elevate my feet whenever possible. So for now, I just have to make fun of my fat foot and do the best I can. I hear the swelling can last after delivery as well so hoping fat foot disappears sometime soon.

Exhaustion: The exhaustion is REAL in the third trimester. I feel like when it hits 4pm, I become utterly useless. Knowing my body just runs out of steam so much quicker, I try to really focus earlier in the day. Luckily, I have an amazing husband who pretty much makes dinner every night so that I can keep my feet up and rest most nights. I think the important thing is that I listen to my body and rest when I need it.

The Uncomfortable Stage: Basically at a certain point during the day, my body is just completely uncomfortable. With baby almost at max capacity pushing on all my organs… my body is just FULL. Not much room for anything. So I become increasingly uncomfortable as the day goes on and by the evening, I feel like baby is pushing up into my boobs and pushing down on my bladder all at the same time.

Braxton Hicks?: I could not tell you if I really had braxton hicks yet but I will say that I have had some pain centered in the lower part of my pelvis come and go. It’s hard to pin point what all these sensations, pains and aches really are since this is my first child. But I will say, things are happening.

HOW I’M FEELING: MENTALLY Everyone keeps asking me “How I am feeling??” “Are you ready?” “Are you anxious? Excited?” Basically it’s ALL OF THE ABOVE. I have been pretty upfront with you guys that the process of being pregnant isn’t always my favorite. Pregnancy is HARD WORK and once the third trimester rolls around, these last few weeks can be extra challenging. I am both ready to meet our little man TOMORROW! And also feel like, “OMG I NEED MORE TIME TO PREPARE!” It’s a huge mixed bag of emotions. But really, we are so ready to meet our little baby and I think the sheer will to just meet him will start to disappear any of the lingering anxiety that might be there.

I am not going to lie, Labor has been on my mind and it scare me going into this big unknown process. We did take prepared childbirth classes at the hospital so they did paint a bigger picture for the birth scenarios that can typically take place in the hospital. While some of these classes were a big alarming, I will say that I am someone fueled by information. So educating myself on the process was important in helping me to enter into labor with an open mind. People always ask if we have a birth plan and the answer is no. I know babies tend to have a plan of their own and especially after going through the fertility process… I have had to give up alot of control and put trust in the process. My only labor preference if I can make one is to have an epidural. That is really one of my only preferences at the moment. Bottom line is that whatever it is that gets my baby out safely and healthy, that is what I want to do. I have tremendous trust in my doctor and the hospital and I know they will guide me in the right direction for my baby. My personal philosophy will be to go with the flow. Now, this is easier said than done but my goal is that with this kind of mindset will get me through this wild experience. So while the nerves are going, so is the excitement. I am only putting out good vibes for a great labor, healthy baby, and happy mama. Everyone LOVES to try to tell me their horror stories but you know what, check your story at the door. Nothing but good vibes over here that I am putting out to the universe. At one of our last appointments… and this is going to be a bit graphic… but the doctor said, “Ooo I feel his head!”… HOLY FREAKING CRAP. It put things into perspective just how soon we are going to meet our baby!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like wow. Blake and I had this huge smile and amazement on our face. How did we get so lucky to make it to this point. So much gratitude is filling these last few weeks of pregnancy you have no idea.

FETAL DIAGNOSTICS APPOINTMENTS Since the doctors discovered my marginal cord insertion, I have been getting monthly growth ultrasounds to check in and make sure that baby’s growth is on track. Everything has been perfect so far so we are very grateful to be tracking this. In addition to this, we started going to fetal diagnostics at 35 weeks. This entails going to the hospital and having baby’s heart and movements monitored for 20-40 minutes 2x a week. I also have my fluids checked to make sure everything is looking good. It’s alot of extra time for doctors appointments but whatever it takes to keep an eye on our baby boy I would do in a heartbeat. It also ends up giving Blake and I peace of mind knowing baby is growing and looking good.

HOW I’M SLEEPING I still sleep surprisingly well, all things considered. I wake up some nights to use the bathroom in the middle of the night but not every night. I do take unisom every night to help me sleep. My doctor suggested it when I was having troubles with restless sleeping and it’s REALLY helped me.

EXERCISE My energy levels are much lower than they have been so I have not been getting to the gym as much this trimester. I do try to push myself to go walk for 30 minutes on the treadmill when I am up for it. I do still go to prenatal yoga once a week to continue and keep up with all my stretching and mindfulness practices. I continue to listen to my body and if I really don’t feel up to making it to the gym, I take time and rest. It’s so important that I listen to what my body needs.

CHALLENGES Tying my shoes: Thank goodness that Blake can help to tie my shoes some days or take my shoes off. Basically things close to the floor are now dead to me. Hahahaha.

Full stomach: I barely have any room for dinner these days. I am just so full by the time dinner time rolls around so sometimes eating dinner is a big struggle. I try to really enjoy a bigger breakfast or lunch when my appetite and stomach allow for a bigger meal. We also try to eat dinner a bit on the earlier side as well.

Body slowing down: I think it’s hard to accept that my body has slowed down quite a bit in this last trimester. I try to push myself to my original limits but I just can’t do some of the things I used to do because I don’t have the energy, or I am physically just unable to do them. All of this is ok but it’s funny because you expect to be able to do certain things and it always comes to be a shock at first when you can’t. The heat has been finally getting to me and slowing me down big time. Thank goodness we have air conditioning so I can be home in my icebox while Blake tries to play thermostat wars with me. If you want to know how to anger a pregnant lady, just mess with her thermostat. YOU WILL LOSE. HA!

WHAT I’M WEARING Most days if I am running errands or working at the house I am in gym or lounge clothes. Whatever is most comfortable. If I am getting dresses, I basically rotate through all my tank dresses. It’s what I am most comfortable. Since I am nearing the end of pregnancy, I have put a hold on buying anymore clothes. So I am mostly cycling through my favorite pieces that still fit. This includes dresses like this, this, this and this. I have also loved dressier pieces from naked wardrobe which are surprisingly lined pretty well.

JUST THE TWO OF US (plus Lola!) Blake and I have been making it a point to head to our favorite restaurants and just spend time doing some of the things we love just the two of us (or with Lola by our side!). Alot of my mom friends recommended we take advantage of this time and make date night a big priority. So we are doing that big time. We are also making sure to do some extra special things with Lola. Extra trips to the beach to sit and read our kindles. Enjoying our quiet time sleeping in and enjoying this special time before our family grows.

BABY PREPARATIONS Our nursery is ALMOST complete!!! We are just waiting on the dresser to arrive. Of course… it might arrive after baby but you know what, it’s no big deal. I organized everything that would go into the dresser into bins and we set up a folding table in it’s place temporarily so that we could set up our changing pad etc to still have everything ready. Can’t wait for the dresser to arrive so the we can complete the room and get some photos to share with you. The room is feeling so ZEN to me and I know baby boy is going to love it.

We finally set up our SNOO this weekend so I am SO excited to finally put this thing into action. Since we plan to have the baby in the bassinet in our bedroom, I have my night light set up on my nightstand already and we will have some baby goodies set up in our bedroom for those late night feedings and diaper changes. We also set up our baby monitor (which Blake picked out) as well as our little owlet. I am so all about all of this great tech baby stuff and have heard amazing reviews from some of my mama friends. So I will be excited to finally try them out myself and report back if they live up to the hype.

I am also in FULL ON nesting mode. I have been cleaning out my closet, going through my dresser drawers, and all out prepping as much as possible to get our house clean and organized for baby. Even Blake is nesting hard making sure we are organized.

Our hospital bags are finally packed! You can get a sneak peek of what we are packing here but I am shooting photos for my blog post this week so I hope to share that soon for all your mamas-to-be that have sent me questions asking what we are bringing. I am also still working on my registry post for you guys. Stay tuned.

WHATS NEXT Baby watch is in full effect. With less than 3 weeks till my due date who knows what could happen!! I continue to go to fetal monitoring 2x a week as well as my weekly doctors appointments from here on out. Basically we are just waiting to meet our little person and I can’t wait for the day I get to share him with the world. I can’t wait to meet you Baby Boy.

Source: https://www.eatsleepwear.com/2018/08/13/pregnancy-third-trimester/

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queen-enthusiast-39 · 5 years

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ASK ME THINGS

No one asked for these but I’m bored

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

Probably “Good morning babe” because it’d be my boyfriend.

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

We’re dating (A year and a half now)

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

Hard drugs yes. We probably wouldn’t be dating at all, but something like cigarettes or weed is fine

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? Yes. It’s 10 letters long.

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? If by messed it up you mean I never did anything to make it become something when the feelings were there in both parties, then yes.

7. What does your last received text say? “That’s not really helping” - I give terrible descriptions through text.

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Too many to count.

9. Where was your last kiss at? My boyfriend’s place.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? I don’t have a sister but I saw my brother 3 days ago.

11. What do you drink in the morning? Chocolate milk, tea, or juice.

12. Where did you sleep last night? In my bed in my apartment.

13. Do you think relationships are hard? Yes. They are hard but can be very fulfilling.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? Yes.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? Nope. Again, its my boyfriend.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? Sunny.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Nope.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? Sweatpants.

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? I like to think so, but from some recent things maybe not.

20. Does anyone like you? I’m a pretty well-liked person, both socially and romantically, by a lot of people.

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? Yes.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? Nope.

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? There’s a lot of people I can’t stand anymore who used to mean the world to me.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? Yes. I have one picked out for when I get the money.

25. In the past week have you cried? Surprisingly no, considering how stressed I’ve been.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? Corgi.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? Out of the shower.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? Nope.

29. Do you think you’re old? No. I’m only 20 and nowhere near close to being an adult.

30. Do you like text messaging? Yeah, but I really like talking face to face too.

31. What type of day are you having? Really tired and kinda depressed for some reason but otherwise good.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? Yes.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Cold weather.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Yes.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? Relationsip.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? I like to think I’m simple but I’m definitely complicated.

37. What song are you listening to? “Nowhere With You” by Joel Plaskett Emergency

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? As a Canadian, I say it a lot out of habit, but when a situation calls for an apology, its always sincere. 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? Yeah. My mom knows the most about me, and my ex-best friend knew a lot about me. There is one girl though that we are essentially “distance best friends”. She probably knows as much as my mom. 40. What made you start liking the person you like now? He was a genuinely sweet guy who always brought me tea at work and always offered to help me or do the work I didn’t want to do. He’s truly a sweetheart and is a big softie (only for me).

41. When did you last receive a text message? Like 10 minutes ago. 42. What is wrong with you right now? I’m extremely tired, burnt out, and slightly depressed. I also have bad back pain but it could be worse. 43. How well do you know the last female you texted? We could be sisters. 44. Does anyone disgust you? Some people from my past. The levels they sank to is just disgusting. 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? Considering I’m in a relationship, no. 46. Are you in a good mood right now? I’m pretty neutral. 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? My friend Julia in my Abnormal Psychology class. 48. What color shirt are you wearing? Grey with red/black details. 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? No. It’s only been good news or needed things. 50. Anyone you’re giving up on? Possibly. Things are still working out. 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. The guy I do hate I never fell that hard for him. I thought I did, but I realized things weren’t right. That’s why we didn’t last long (we also were a terrible pair).

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? Yes. 53. Do you like rain? I LOVE the rain! It’s so relaxing and if I don’t have to go anywhere, I stay in bed snuggled in blankets with a mug of tea and Netflix, a book, or my knitting. 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? No, because we both drink. We know our limits and keep each other to them if we start to go overboard. 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? So many times yes. 56. Do you like to cuddle? Occasionally. Sometimes I feel like I’m being crowded or don’t want to be touched. I can’t be cuddled all the time, but most times I really like it. 57. Are you shy? I’ve grown shyer in recent years. I used to be really open and extraverted, but some experiences have made me more introverted. 58. Do you get along with girls? Some girls. It depends on the group, but at a surface level, I get along with most people. 59. Have you dated the person you texted last? I currently am dating them. 60. What do you carry with you at all times? Burt’s Bees Peppermint Oil Lip Balm (aside from usual things like wallet, keys, and phone). 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Depending on the house, I’d try. 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? My first relationship was 4 months and I thought I’d never cross that threshold, but now I’m a year and a half down the line with my current boyfriend. 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Yes. 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? Yes! I find it so sweet, especially because I’m short. 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? Not really. It’s been pretty dull so far.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed? 19 (boyfriend), 49 (mom), 21 (brother).

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? Pay to get them done. 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? I’m not a huge fan of either, but I’d be able to pull off zebra print better. 69. Do you have any stickers on your car? No. I have an irrational hatred for car stickers (especially car sticker families). 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Luke Bryan I guess. 71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone? My first phone was an Android but I currently have an iPhone. 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? November. 73. Do you like diet soda? Yeah. I prefer the regular versions but I’ll drink whatever. 74. What color are the walls in your room? Like a beige kind of colour. 75. Are you 16 or older? Older. I’m 20. 76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? Never watched it. 77. Do you have a job? Part-time because I’m away at school most of the year. I work as a cashier/supervisor at a drug store over the summer and holiday breaks and I volunteer at my university’s food bank during school terms. 78. What are your initials? L. V. R. 79. Did you ever have braces? From 6th grade to 7th grade. 80. Are you from the south? The South Shore of Nova Scotia yes. But not the American South.

81. What does your last status on facebook say? “Caffeine is a lie. I’m still exhausted but now I have a slightly faster heart rate”. 82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? Not really. He moved a few years ago and I haven’t seen him since. The only contact we have is through Instagram. 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? Definitely my mom. 84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? I did gymnastics as a kid. If I had kept up with it I could’ve been a decent gymnast. I wasn’t terrible at it but it wasn’t a passion. 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? Bohemian Rhapsody. It was great! 86. Do you smoke? Nope. Never have yet. 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? Heels honestly. 88. Is your phone touch screen? Yep. 89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? My hair is naturally curly and most days I’m too lazy to do anything else to it, so curly. 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? Nope. I never really had a reason to. My mom was chill with me going places. 91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? Lake. 92. Have you ever made out in a car? Yes. 93. …Had sex in a car? Almost, but we realized we had the house to ourselves anyway. 94. Are you single or in a relationship? In a relationship. 95. What were you doing last night at midnight? Scrolling through Tumblr because I couldn’t sleep. 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? Canada Day (July 1) 2018. 97. Do you like the camera on your phone? Yeah sure. I don’t take many pictures. 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Nope. 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? Nope. 100. Are you friends with people on Facebook that you actually hate? Yeah, there’s a few. I don’t use Facebook a whole lot anymore. 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? I thought I did. Turns out I was just stressed and threw everything out of whack. 102. Name your favorite Kesha song: Tik Tok. It still slaps. 103. Do you have any tan lines right now? Not tan lines, but scars from a second-degree sunburn I got 2 years ago at a party on senior skip day. 104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? I could make that work in the right context.

#queen-enthusiast-39 #bohemian rhapsody #get to know me #asks

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kurtwarren54 · 6 years

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Pregnancy / Third Trimester

WEIGHT GAINED As of the start of week 37, I have gained 21 pounds.

HOW BIG IS BABY By week 37, Baby is the size of a head of romaine lettuce. A little over 6 lbs!

CHALLENGES Tying my shoes: Thank goodness that Blake can help to tie my shoes some days or take my shoes off. Basically things close to the floor are now dead to me. Hahahaha.

The post Pregnancy / Third Trimester appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Pesch.

from Wellness https://www.eatsleepwear.com/2018/08/13/pregnancy-third-trimester/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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elizabethcariasa · 6 years

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Pregnancy / Third Trimester

WEIGHT GAINED As of the start of week 37, I have gained 21 pounds.

HOW BIG IS BABY By week 37, Baby is the size of a head of romaine lettuce. A little over 6 lbs!

CHALLENGES Tying my shoes: Thank goodness that Blake can help to tie my shoes some days or take my shoes off. Basically things close to the floor are now dead to me. Hahahaha.

The post Pregnancy / Third Trimester appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Pesch.

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unspeakable-joy-85-blog · 6 years

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φιλία

Philia. Friendship. Love between friends.

3.20.20 12:32am

I guess i’ll start by saying that I’ve never had so many true friends before. It hurts to be completely ignored after leaving a church, and then pretty much ignored or treated like a china doll after dad died. I want FRIENDS that CARE about me and WANT to spend time with me because they like me for me.

and God led me to that. at immerse. in a way only he could have dreamt up (running into an old friend who invited me out of the blue, and then having that same friend re-invite me months later when I forgot). God’s been teaching me so much about differing opinions on topics I once thought were concrete, on convictions I had assumed were universal (and some still might be, jury’s still out), on pages I had assumed all of us that volunteered the label of “christian” must be on together (spoiler alert: some of us aren’t even in the same book).

for remembering’s sake, i’ll tell this story that led me to the dating fast i find myself slightly halfway over with and surprisingly, already slightly broken.

I had been wrestling with the concept for a while, a dating fast. me, someone who doesn’t date, hasn’t dated in nearly 2 years, on a dating fast. it seemed comical, but the nagging thought of “what if” kept me from going full force. what if while on this fast meet “the one” and I have to turn him down? what if i never get married because i declined a date with the one? what if I click with someone during the fast and i have to explain why i can’t date them? or worse, they decide to date someone else because i’m not worth their time? dumb thoughts, i’m well aware. they still hold a bit of truth, but that’s outweighed by the attention i’m putting on God through this.

anyways, back to the fast. my friend had done a dating fast (more serious for her since she had been sleeping around before fully accepting Christ and turning her life around). I considered it. I didn’t know any details but it sat in the back of my mind for a few weeks. immerse was planning an unofficial camping trip. I was psyched, i’d never been camping for real before (creation doesn’t count). I went, I had a blast. i inhaled way too much campfire smoke and had a migraine, but I had a blast. I deepened friendships, got closer to people, got to know people, it was super fun. I found myself drawn to two people in particular. both of them guys. I’ve never been close friends with guys. i’m not sure why, but growing up, i just never made friends easily with guys. these two seemed easy as anything, we got along so well. jokes, references, spiritual conversations, you name it, we were laughing or relating. deepening friendships. philia, love. no ulterior motive, no crush, no romantic attraction. just appreciation for another similar human. but this is what i struggle with, drawing a line between the romantic/physical aspect and the philia aspect. i know the line in my head, but I can’t trust God enough to let that go and accept the philia no string attached because it might turn into something more.

it was time to leave the campsite and drive home (late at night on a very dark and very poorly lit back pine barrens road). I left but didn’t realize at the same time as a few others. I saw a string hanging from my visor shield while driving, thinking, “that’s weird, that wasn’t there before. oh well”. I made it a few miles until I decided it was annoying me and i would just pull it off. I reached to pull, and it MOVED and RETRACTED BACK UP.

i screamed. i freaked out.

i straight up punched my hazards on with a closed fist, and by the grace of God i was right next to a gas station/country store/pull over spot. I slammed my brakes, and jumped out of the running car, panicking that the spider was on me.

suddenly, i see a car slam on it’s brakes ahead of me, and slowly reverse back to me. it’s my friend, one of the ones I had been getting to know on the trip. he jumped out and checked on me, asked me if i was okay. i shakily explained the situation, and he helped me check my car. when we couldn’t find the spider, he nervously joked that it was more scared of me than i of it. I wasn’t amused but i appreciated the attempt to lighten the moment. I told him I would be okay, thanked him profusely, and he left. (I found the spider on my steering wheel a few minutes later and brutally murdered it with my shoe).

I got back into my car and resumed my drive when I got overwhelmed with emotion. I sobbed the whole next hour, praying and crying to God, “why do you love me so much? why do you give me friends? i don’t deserve friends! i’m a terrible friend, why do i get people in my life that care?”

I wrestled with my inability to distinguish eros from philia the rest of that 2 hour long ride home. I prayed about the dating fast, I had been feeling one month but suddenly I felt God push for a full year. I scoffed and refused initially, until I really thought about it.

Like a crab is both restricted and protected by it’s shell (alternatively both free and incredibly vulnerable without it’s shell), I sheepishly accepted God’s offer of a year long dating fast under the assumption that it would help me be more protected so I could grow in my relationship with God more.

6 months in, and I went on one date and I’m nowhere near where I dreamed I would be when I started this. I’m taking small steps in the right direction, but don’t feel like they’re big enough. I’m getting lazy again.

The date was a disaster. It was fun but I wasn’t feeling it. He asked me on second date a half hour into the first one, while we were still bowling, then he kept me talking to him at a diner till 3 in the freaking morning. who does that. i dropped hints for a full 3 hours that i was tired. maybe i should be more rude. and now he’s managed to text me at least once a day since our date about anything and everything. he’s clearly not the one. a unfortunate chain of events led me to feeling incredibly guilty about saying no to his request for a first date, so I figured going along was the kindest route since I had initially said yes in person. I had a date broken off for God reasons last minute on me before, and let me tell you, it sucked.

God’s been showing me the side of Christianity we in america don’t see every day. the life that is lived by those in sudan, in the middle east, in taiwan, you name it. refugees, rebel militia, simple fathers protecting families. we get SO caught up in the bachelor, in taking pictures of our food for instagram, in american idol, the list goes on and on and on.

I had an excellent conversation with a coworker today about the importance, as Christians, of the full armor of God and what the pieces all mean. about how as believers, we need to be vigilant and stay away from things that could dull our senses. and even though i’ve heard my parents say that my whole life, it was super convicting. i think it helps to hear it from someone who isn’t family or who isn’t so close, because it’s an outside perspective. it normalizes it. i like that. i shared a little bit about my dad with him too, about how my dad had anointed the doors and windows of our house with oil and prayer and how he prayed over the 4 rocks on the corners of our property. it was so nice to tell someone about that and have them think it was amazing and not look at me like i was some crazy christian. it’s nice having someone spiritually on the same page.

it’s late, this was a long introduction but it’s what’s been on my mind today. i’m hoping that this will increase my prayer life and help me channel emotions in a healthy way. i’m hoping this tumblr stays one sided, me posting and receiving information from non-personal blogs, just inspirational scripture based blogs.

goodnight <3

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undercoverqueers-blog · 6 years

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Ways to feel/look more masculine (if you're in the closet)

I've seen lots of posts about these, but they don't work for people in the closet. It's all "shave your face" and "wear a binder" but people forget that closet people usually can't do this. Here is a closet inclusive way to feel and look more masculine, with excuses in case you're put on the spot as to why you want to do some of these things. :)

Stop shaving your armpits/legs/etc. (excuses for doing so: feminism/weather/laziness)

Stop plucking your eyebrows and subtly fill them in to be straighter and thicker. Men tend to have thicker, straighter and less defined eyebrows than women. To be more subtle you can make your eyebrows lighter or less outlined. Having a small arch can be more androgynous if you don't want any questions asked (excuses for doing so: trends, laziness (for plucking), experimenting with makeup)

Call yourself a different name on social media with internet friends or people you trust. I call myself by a gender neutral name in case any questions are asked or anyone finds out.

Stand with your legs shoulder width apart. I have noticed that men tend to do this, while women stand with their legs together or weirdly crossed.

Manspread, but don't be an asshole and take up like 3 seats.

Wear a sports bra a size too small. I used to wear sports bras which just didn't work for me and didn't compress as much as I had liked. I got ones that were too big/the right size when actually I needed one that was smaller. If I'm feeling particularly dysphoric, I'll wear a small one and a 2nd sports bra over it but the wrong way round and slightly higher up than usual. You have to experiment with different ones until you find the right one. This does work better with smaller chests but it depends on the sports bra, honestly, and my chest is nowhere near small. (Excuses for doing so: comfort, underwiring is uncomfortable, no clean bras left, etc.)

Wear stereotypically "masculine" clothing. I love t-shirts, hoodies and jeans and plaid button up shirts saved my life. I get tees which are a size or two sizes too big because otherwise they cling to my curves. Button ups hide your chest if they're big enough (note that "men's" shirt buttons are on a different side to "women's") Personally, I don't think clothing has a gender, but other people do. (Excuses for doing so: men have bigger pockets, being a tom boy, trends, etc)

Wear "boys'" shoes, such as non-girly trainers, Creepers, boots (like Doctor Martens), etc. (Excuse: being trendy)

Wear "men's" deodorant. I don't think anyone else would notice but it's nice to do for yourself and your own comfort. (Excuses: it smells nicer, ladies' deodorant doesn't work as well, etc)

Get your hair cut. I got a pixie cut and it made me feel great. Find a picture of a more androgynous pixie cut and show your hairdresser. You can make them look as feminine or as masculine as you want, depending on the way you style it, which is great. Note: boys can have long hair, and I'm growing mine out because I miss my longer hair. It can always be cut if it's too femme. (Excuses: being trendy, being a tomboy, "my hair gets in the way!")

Large hoodies/sweaters/jumpers help cover your chest. I love hoodies for this reason.

Do more "manly" exercises such as pushups to gain muscle. It'll suck at first but with practice, you'll get better. Try to avoid things like concentrating on squats if you don't like having a round butt (cis guys usually have flat butts) because squats build muscle there. (Excuses: health, fit appearance)

Cut your nails shorter. (Excuse: accidentally clawing yourself)

Study how male friends/celebs act and try to imitate it. It'll be easier to pass is you "act" like a man, however stupid that sounds

If you like makeup, try and make your eyes look deeper and contour your face differently Men have deeper/hollowed eyes than women. If you don't know what that means, Google it

If you have to wear a dress or something feminine to a family event and it makes you uncomfortable, pretend you're a drag queen. Surprisingly, this helps - I've been watching RuPaul recently because I never did before and it makes me feel better thinking that I'm just crossdressing for a while

Wear men's socks. I've noticed that their patterns are way cooler (I got some adventure time ones for myself at Christmas) and they're way more comfortable and warm

If you can, get a binder and hide it. If you can online shop, do it around Christmas. Then you can say "it's a Christmas present, nobody look!" and people won't be like ?? what is it??? I can't online shop yet, but when I can, this is what I'll do. (Remember, don't wear your binder for longer than 8 hours and don't sleep in it or you'll break or damage your ribs.) Wash your binder when your parents/family are out and hang it up under a shirt or something to dry.

Lower/train your voice, but if you're closeted, make it subtle. I'm fine with my voice deepness but this can help if you don't like your own.

Wear less jewelry. Men don't tend to wear jewelry, but some do. They usually wear plain rings and chains, stud earrings, etc. rather than glittery diamond shit.

If you like wearing makeup, try to make it more subtle. Most men don't wear makeup so it would look peculiar if you were in public with a full glam face on. (Transgender boys/nb folk can wear makeup, but other people would think that they're female because most cisguys don't tend to wear it)

If you have height dysphoria, chunky boots/platforms can help, such as Creepers (personal favourite because they subtly add an inch and a half ish on to my height). You can find basically any type of shoe on the internet with thick soles.

Standing up straight makes your shoulders look broader and it makes you look more confident. Confidence is key to rocking any style, honestly. Men usually have broader shoulders than ladies too.

While ladies tend to sway their hips when they walk, men usually walk with their shoulders. This is hard to do at first but practice makes it easier.

Wear shorts instead of knickers/ladies pants. If you can't get men's boxers, you can find "girl boxers" at most clothing shops which are essentially the same but shorter. You can find the perfect ones on the internet. (Excuse: comfort)

If you have anything to add to this, please comment!

If you repost this on Instagram, give credit to our instagram page, @ undercoverqueers_

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