#and other shenanigans

[allforthesapphic]

my friend asked me why i had a playlist that was just these songs and i didn’t know how to explain to her that they remind me of this superbat friends with benefits storyline that is really beautiful and awesome and also exists only in my head

[ghost-clowns]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

It's my boys!

[indianajonessadhats]

This is a sad hat. But only a little bit.

This is a sad hat courtesy of SNL and the NFL!

Honestly, it's above average.

The boots, on the other hand...

And just for the sake of thematic thoroughness, here's the 1995 Superbowl Halftime Show.

[n0tsketchyy]

Bruce, extremely serious: The mission requires absolute focus. 

Dick: Got it. 

Jason: Whatever. 

Tim, typing furiously:Understood. 

Damian: sharpening knife Acceptable.

Five minutes into patrol

Dick: over comms Did anyone else see that cat that looked exactly like Alfred? 

Jason: The one with the judgmental stare? Already took pictures. 

Tim: Sending them to Alfred now. 

Damian: I've named it Pennyworth Junior. 

Bruce: deep sigh

[imheretoreadafic]

Conversations of various Robins and Batman that the JL has overheard.

Dick as Robin:

Batman: "Don't touch that."

*gets ignored*

Batman (more desperately): "Don't touch that! Robin I'll ground you!"

Robin: *snorts and continues to reach for the very dangerous alien object*

Batman (floundering): "I- Catwoman's out of Arkham! And if you touch that I won't let you see her!"

Robin: *gasps and backs away from it reluctantly* "That's no fair! I wanna see Catwoman and touch the thing!"

Batman, crossing his arms and looking very stern despite the objectively ridiculous situation: "Well, you can only have one of those things."

-

Robin, starting to tear up and sniffle: "B-but I want to help other kids so t-t-they don't lose their mommy and daddy!"

Batman, deadpan: "That's not working on me, kid."

Robin, tears immediately drying up: "Was the mommy and daddy too much?"

Batman: *seesaw hand*

Robin, nodding: "I think I'll keep it to mama and papa - that usually works better."

//

Jason as Robin:

Batman: "Yes, Robin, your English teacher is an idiot when it comes to Shakespeare but that doesn't mean you can egg her car."

Robin: "What about her house?"

Batman: "That's actually worse than egging her car."

Robin: "Sooo, I should be allowed to egg her car because that's better than egging her house!"

Batman: "Should people be allowed to commit assault because that's better than murder?"

Robin, dead panned: "Isn't that literally what we do every night?"

(This one made Flash laugh so hard he pulled a muscle)

-

Robin: "B, I just met Toy Man."

Robin: "Is that REALLY one of Superman's enemies or was that a joke? Please tell me it was a joke. He's like a level two Gotham rogue - his shtick is toys, Batman, TOYS. And I thought the Riddler was stupid."

(Superman tried to defend his honor and was ultimately defeated by the meanest thing to exist - a teenager)

//

Tim as Robin:

Batman: "Robin, explain the voicemail I got from the school."

Robin: "Didn't they already tell you?"

Batman, frowning heavily: "Humor me."

Robin: "My math teacher was being a bitch so I took apart her calculators and hid the pieces around her room and in her stuff."

Batman: "Including her salad."

Robin: "Including her salad AND protein shake."

Batman: "She's could have choked and died!"

Robin: "But she didn't! And anyway in my experience, people are SO much more tolerable when they almost died recently! Take my dad for example-"

-

Batman: "Stop it."

Robin, grinning over his laptop: "I'm not doing anything."

Batman, exasperated: "Don't lie to me! That's your hacking face, Robin."

/

Steph as Robin:

Robin: "It's only glitter!"

Batman: "Three tons of it."

Robin: "... Did i mention that it's biodegradable so it's like totally okay for the environment! See, i DO think ahead sometimes!"

Batman, mumbling: "Maybe I should start putting glitter on your case files so you'll focus..."

-

Robin: "It's because I'm a girl isn't it?"

Batman: "Me telling you to stop putting sprinkles on your pasta is completely unrelated to your gender."

Robin, taking a bite of her pasta monstrosity and pointing the fork in his direction: "Misogynist!"

/

Damian as Robin:

Robin: "But i only THREATENED to stab him. I didn’t actually stab him."

Batman: "..."

Batman: "That's definitely progress but still-"

-

Robin: *cape starts to make a hissing sound*

Batman: "Robin.... What is in there?"

Robin: ".... Her name is Daffodil."

Batman, growing dread in his voice: "And what exactly is Daffodil?"

Robin, without misisng a beat and completely serious: "A beautiful young lady."

[thelittlestspider]

i thought fogwell's got destroyed in the comics for some reason, but according to the wiki apparently matt bought it??

[outer-andromeda]

... I couldn't resist doing more self-insert stuff whoops

Edit : Can't believe I have to add this in but the human in the picture is NOT Stanford Pines from hit cartoon Gravity Falls. Gabby is a self insert, which means he's literally based off of me. READ THE TEXT AND THE TAGS. istg people 💀

[rooniearts]

Permission to maim, sir?

[prlssprfctn]

Bruce, Alfred, and Barbara get fed up with Batboys pissing them off, and because all of them are competitive, they decide to come up with a perfect solution — the best son of the week chart. Each of them create ten criteria that boys should follow in order to get more points from all judges, except they keep it in the dark what criteria are. So they would always walk on the eggshells.

Does it work? Barely. Does anyone win? Yes. Jason.

The only problem — he had no idea about the contest, and he doesn't give two flying fucks.

Damian: That's pure nonsense! Todd was never fit for this title!

Tim: Wait, wait, I think, it makes sense!

Tim: Think of it! Alfred's criteria are probably about keeping things clean and something along these lines, right?

Dick: Right! And what Jason does when he is in the Manor?

Damian, slowly: Washes dishes after himself. Sews his suits back himself. Cooks. Helps with laundry.

Tim: Exactly.

Dick: It is hard to say what bothers Babs, but Jason loves her. He barely pisses her off. Even if he argues with us, he has a not so secret comms with her, so-

Damian: Thus, the only negative points to Todd would come from Father.

Tim: Which is still bad for the record, but much less than our results, because we definitely fuck up at least one or two points from Alfred and Babs.

Boys: *collective groan*

Alfred, in the Batcave: So, are they right? You gave our boy negative points?

Bruce: ...Just two out of ten.

Barbara: Wow, not you being merciful to Jason. Who died?

Bruce: Some drug dealer, that's why I put one negative point.

Barbara: No, I meant— Nevermind. What was the second one for?..

Bruce: He stole your father's tires.

Barbara: I honestly don't think dad minded much.

Bruce: I know.

Alfred: Master Bruce is just jealous.

Barbara: You can't just put negative points for that! It should be followed by a criteria—

Bruce: Well, I put it in the family bonding criteria.

Alfred: *a patient smile of a person who hasn't seen a ray of hope within past 30 years of his life*

[itty-bitty-sunshine]

Doodle dump ft. Ya girl Vanessa

[carinelian]

i had rare encounters with falling in love but time and time again it always happens around december and it always involves minor random injuries

the first involved a crashing a bumper car and ending up with broken wrist

the second was running straight into a fucking lamppost and almost knocking my teeth out

yes, those injuries happened precisely because of that 'oh' moment

if a third time comes that means i've gotten over the second

not sure if that's better or worse

[luxurystark-jackson]

i like how the second his angel boyfriend is back from the dead dean immediately makes him dress up in fetish wear. okay freak

[cryptocism]

typical adventure with these two

audio from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

[raspberriessoda]

I rlly like their coworkers who mildly tolerate each other dynamic :]]

[gothamite-rambler]

Talia (after shoving Dick into a moat): Oh, that felt good.

Jason (exhausted): Oh my God!

Talia: That felt really, really good. That was like therapy. Honestly, what a release.

Jason: Talia!

Talia: What? Don't look at me like that; he asked for it.

Damian (sad eyes): Mother.

Talia: Dami, he's fine. That moat has no alligator, piranha, or barbed wire. At most he landed in smelly moss.

Tim (sarcastically): Oh that makes it better.

Talia: You know, you lot are really ruining my high.

While the brothers scolded Talia, the sogging footsteps of an enraged acrobatic echoed through the halls. He held one weapon, his finger on the button on the bottom to emit many volts of electricity through Talia's body.

When he made it to the door he was looking for, he kicked the door in and saw Talia with his brothers.

Tim: Oh thank God, you're okay.

Talia: And covered in filth ... Fitting.

Damian: Grayson, are you okay?

Dick entered the room, his soggy shoes making slapping sounds on the hardwood floor. Talia put her hands on her hips with a smug smile.

Dick: That was rude. That was pretty fuckin' rude. Allow me to return the favor.

Dick aimed his escrima stick at Talia's stomach, electroshocking until she fell to the ground convulsing.

Dick: Alright, can one of you hold this for me?

Tim took hold of the escrima stick, so Dick had his hands free. He patted his elbow, then fell on Talia, elbowing her in the stomach. His brothers winced as Talia and Dick began to fight.

Damian: We should- Really?

Jason and Damian looked at Tim, shocked, as he recorded the fight on his phone. He shrugged.

Tim: Bruce is going to want proof.