#thats just on me not really relating to womanhood i guess

[xiaojaan]

.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

i met with a good friend yesterday and it was really nice but something is bothering me and i wish it didnt.

so she has started to call herself a „queer feminist“. she kept talking about „queer“ this and „queer“ that and at some point talked about reading a „queer“ book. thats when i interjected and said what does queer mean? this tells me nothing. is it about a trans male experience, about a lesbian woman, this doesnt mean anything (turned out to be about a bisexual woman which is why she related which she probably wouldnt have if it was about a different type of „queer“ person). so i go on saying thats why i find the term useless. she says she finds it a useful umbrella term and i say umbrella for what? she says „what if for example a woman dates a nonbinary person?“ im like well it depends if the person is male or female since sexuality is still based on sex. what do i as a bisexual woman have in common with a straight man who thinks he‘s a woman? i dont see us as part of the same group. and while she wasnt able to explain the usefulness of the term she said she would keep using it. out of principle i guess.

and it frustrates me because she like many other women is an intelligent and reflected woman whose opinion matters to me but she seems to mindlessly parrot whats popular right now which makes me take her opinion on feminism a lot less serious. how are you a feminist but you think one can identify in and out of womanhood? who are womens rights for then? people who identify as women or people who are women? at the end of the day, if you think women can stop being women under certain conditions, i just dont know how you are helping the liberation of women.

i just cant take people seriously who earnestly use nothing terms like „queer“ and „nonbinary“ and who think me an extremist for not pretending the person we both know is a woman is a „nonbinary person“. it doesnt seem like she has thought about why its predominantly women identifying as nonbinary, and what background these people have (we live in a very liberal city and shes doing her masters in a program and at a university that is breathing queer theory). its like a virus, smart women suddenly regurgitating and internalising all this seemingly without ever considering the implications and consequences. and it creates a distance between women like my friend and i who definitely share a value system but i refuse to pretend and just accept.

she doesnt even know theres many lesbian, gay, bisexual and even trans people who dont consider themselves „queer“. „queer“ is its own community and NOT an umbrella term for same sex attracted or gender dysphoric people (who are already not a coherent group). depending who you ask, asexuals and intersex people are also included. which basically makes „queer“ another term for „different“ (which is its original meaning completely lost here because we are in germany and only use queer in this context).

and since we had debates in the past i already know where it will go when we talk about it. she considers me to be extreme anyways so we will start with her wanting to reject my opinion. it will end with her saying „i cant argue with that (my arguments) but i still disagree“ because its so scary to start questioning all that while youre in these super „queer“ environments.

[fatmaclover]

do you think mac and charlie have ever been sat together getting high looking at the stars or just chilling together or whatever. do you think mac always wants to talk about his queer identity. hes always so desperate to be seen, to be heard, to be understood in his own way.

i think charlie would be hesitant. every time mac wants to talk about how he feels in relation to his identity, charlies always shutting it down. "no, dude, dont press that gay shit on me"

but like. mac wears charlie down eventually. keeps insisting on wanting to speak about it, to use charlie as a wall to bounce feelings and thoughts off of. to find the correct words or mediums or images to understand himself better. to have his friends, his family, those he loves, to understand him better.

not to mention his best friend.

so charlie relents. "fine, fine, whatever. lets just get it over with"

and its a long talk. charlie listens for hours as mac explains his struggles with being a man, his self image, his relationship towards women, womanhood, femininity, masculinity, how confusing it all is. how weird it is to figure out what balance he is of what, how he relates to it all. how its such a struggle to just.... find his place.

and charlies really listening here- and theres some really potent stuff. like, yeah, all this stuff is confusing. whys mac bringing it up like its not supposed to be? is it not supposed to be confusing? are you not supposed to feel utterly baffled when youve been pushed to just sit down and think about why youre attracted to what. why you feel certain ways about certain things. why youre comforted by what youre comforted by. why youre made uncomfortable by so much normal stuff.

"isnt... everyone confused by stuff like that?" charlie asks, taking another huff of whatever near-lethal substance the two had gotten their hands on.

"are you?" mac returns.

"well- of course i am. its all so weird."

and theres a long pause between them. they both take a moment to get a couple more huffs in, and mac finally breaks the silence.

"i was always under the impression that people who werent gay never really thought about it."

"well- im not gay, and ive thought about it." of course charlies defensive. this is really vulnerable and sensitive stuff.

"well- sure. you might not be gay, but- i mean- the crossdressing thing man. cmon."

"thats not weird!" charlies hackles are immediately raised. "ive told you- i- i had a single mother, and-"

mac grabs charlies shoulders, looking into the brown eyes in front of him.

"im not saying its weird. i dont think its weird, charlie."

its another long moment of silence. charlie doesnt know how to respond, the world felt like it was crumbling a little.

too high for this.

"i- i guess-" macs voice was like a knife, the way it cut through the nightly city noise. "i just want you to know, that i think its okay, if its complicated for you, too. and that im not gonna be stupid and shame you for it being complicated."

another beat of silence, only broken by a car alarm going off in the far distance.

"i-... yeah. okay man, sure." charlie responds, simply relaxing into macs hold.

its a pretty quiet night, from then on, but it isnt like much needs to be said.

charlie can at least feel a little bit safer in her best friends arms.

[sickly-sapphic]

I'm gonna bounce off that last anon for a moment here + your answer to ask... how DO you feel comfortable with the intersex label? And sorry in advance for the long fucking ask LMFAO I've been... having a time for the past few months.

Obviously it's entirely up to the person whether or not they do, but, like... I want to say I'm intersex. I know how important it is for people to be saying they are intersex, and how I've related to the intersex experience on some level even before I even fully comprehended wtf it meant as a teen. It's important to me. But by the grace of god (extreme childhood neglect, and the people around me not really giving a shit about me to mention anything + not knowing what intersex even is), I somehow never had anyone go "yeah something is up" and thus I don't wholly... relate? There's a sort of rift I feel with the community, like I'm not "really intersex" if I haven't dealt with this or that.

I had a deeper voice, I had darker body hair, I got crazy full-body acne, I was fairly physically androgynous! I relate a little too hard to perimenopause advice!! Among other stuff I won't get into because I don't wanna ramble more. For god's sake, from the very few tests I've had my hormones have been doing fuckall whatever for the past godknows how many years and, as I like to joke, my SHBG is probably ripped with how hard it was carrying my insufficient sex hormone levels pre-T. And yet I feel like I'm faking or some bullshit because I haven't faced obvious intersexism or am visibly intersex. It's a little stupid.

So, okay. To TL;DR, I guess: I have turbo imposter syndrome because I'm totally mentally well and without trauma (lie) and feel like I don't deserve to call myself intersex because "what if you aren't though :/ and are co-opting experiences that aren't yours ://". I know something I should internalize is "slow the fuck down" but that is a bit hard with my head going "Okay but you need answers NOW". Any thoughts and/or advice??

Also I love seeing your posts ur so awesome ilu /p

I mean you're definitely intersex enough!! If it helps you on your journey, I super duper relate to the traits described. Not everyone *does* experience intersexism before finding out theyre intersex. Some people's traits present completely internally, and they'll experience a different set of life experiences regarding being intersex.

Being visibly intersex and experiencing intersexism aren't the qualifiers to being intersex (just like suffering and misogyny aren't what define womanhood). What made me most confident with calling myself intersex was my girlfriend - she could pretty confidently look at me and say "yeah.... thats intersex" (despite not being confident in her own identity yet). Hearing that confirmation from an outside source can be really affirming!!

I'd say interact with other intersex people, find community, talk in the community, you don't have to come right out and be sure of it before you start engaging with the community - I wasn't.

I hope you're able to feel comfortable and affirmed soon!!

[satirn]

Can you like.... Elaborate on the Dib - Mother Mary association?

Like you're making visual connections with the color blue and Gir calls Dib Mary once in an unaired episode but other than that I'm not sure I understand your point? What does Dib himself have to do with motherhood or like... Purity..? Bringing Christ or a Christ analogue.?

(I'm assuming you're looking at this through like a Catholic lens?)

I'm sorry if this comes off as like mean or combative that is NOT my intention at all :(

I just think it's an interesting premise and would like to hear more and possibly discuss.

of course !!

i am not catholic or religious but i do have expirence with church & the bible (because i read it) (also because my grandfather was a preacher and let me come to services[i didnt pay attention because i was 4 😎]).

looking at the og post again i realize i forgot to add these mesages to it so heres these ones.

transcription: [ "i think especially cus like, dib, at least in the show, like represents earth itself i think. and earth is typically related to like, womenhood i guess, i dont know. i guess thats why like, genderbent dib AUs i guess, work so well at least for me, i think. I dont know, it just calls back to that... womanhood-esque thing he has with mother mary stuff.

this is also why in my (AU), she'll appear soon but, the "ultimate dib" I guess is actually just a genderbent dib, called mary. cus, i dont know I find that imagry neat. it also calls back to adam & eve -esque type stuff, i dont know.

i find religion interesting, if you cant tell. its just, ive grown up with it like, around me all the time. I dont know, its just found its way into my worldview, i guess. not really but you know what i mean.

we constantly have like, dibs that just absolutely hate the world. and that is canon-compliant and yes that is good. but like, I rarely ever see a Dib thats like, truely like, in ーokay this is not the right term but likeー in love with the world, i guess. like, i never see a Dib that just likes earth, like truely. cus earth can be so beautiful and like, poetic i guess. i need a Dib thats like, into poetry, yeah, thatd be cool.

its just it makes me sad you know. i know nihilism is a thing that will always be engraved into Zim and zims whole series, but like, I dont know. something different would be nice. i want hope, i guess, i dont know.

its just that, dib acts as a guardian for humanity, for earth. but like, for everything, a guardian acts like an embodiment of the thing that theyre protecting. so with dib representing like, humanity, him having connections with like, "mother mary" or womanhood, stuff like that, birth i guess, the womb, would be fitting, i think." ]

or to translate my cough syrup addled brain here, Mother mary calls back to dib's connection/ symbolism of earth. Its less "the birth of christ/the messiah" but more the aspect of creation and life that comes with Mary's symbolism. its a extension of his role as the "guardian of earth"

now i mentioned/alluded to the adam and eve paralells between zim and dib but yall aint ready for that conversation.

[rivetgoth]

I think for me transsexuality is just like. very physical and not very mental, if that makes sense which it probably doesnt. One of the biggest primary things that kept me from being able to actually come out as trans confidently was the terminology that the community was switching over to at the time ie. replacing terms like transsexual with transgender or replacing sex reassignment surgery with gender affirming surgery, replacing ftm with trans man, the prevalence of terms like transmasculine to refer broadly to any afab person who identified with anything broadly considered “masculine,” this would have been back in like 2013 or early 2014 when i first recognized that i was vaguely “not female” but didnt have a full grasp on myself and what i actually wanted yet.

i think so much of the trans community discusses identity and “gender” as this like. mental thing, or even societal thing, this idea or this concept thats intangible and like. thats all fine but i feel like i never necessarily had a relationship to this idea of gender or one’s gender being changed or affirmed by various means. my desire to transition came from a physical discomfort with my body and any desire for differing treatment socially came from the awareness that i was being treated in accordance to my physical body and how people perceived it, when it wasnt the body I wanted at all to begin with. Like. uh. I remember my early questioning as a young teen and preteen usually was stuff like, “if I could just step into a machine and immediately change my sex to male I would but its not worth the trouble of transitioning and having to undergo these big surgeries and hormones” and frequently trying to like, mentally bargain with the universe basically being like “i would HAPPILY be a woman if i could just have a male body.” etc.

in a world where gender didnt exist i would still be trans because i would not be able to live a comfortable fulfilling happy life in the body i was born with, regardless of how we conceptualized gender or identity or pronouns. if i lived in a society where every human being used she/her pronouns and was called girl i wouldnt care abt that but i would still have been literally unable to have healthy relationships with other people until i had my top surgery. i still wouldnt have been able to even jerk off without feeling suicidal until I was on T.

stuff like being misgendered or treated “like a girl” is purely like, the social reminder of my physical self and as ive transitioned further and further towards a body i’m happy with the blow has been lessened to being practically nonexistent, altho i still dont like. want to be called a girl lol i still would like to be perceived as a man in society. i dont feel any attachment to womanhood or being female and i never ever have. i never identified with being a lesbian or a bi woman, i never really had female friends, i always related to male characters and had primarily male friends and looked up to men, i never even really felt like the misogyny i experience/d was the same as the misogyny experienced by peers who identified with womanhood. but i also dont feel like womanhood or manhood or whatever is some complex deep intrinsic thing tied to sex or whatever idk.

i guess like, it harkens back 2 the fact that i feel like being nonbinary or genderqueer or whatever is almost inseparable from transness, even if you are by definition “binary.” I dont actually think nonbinary/binary is a binary lol. i think my identity is so tied to like, my physical body, and my desire to craft my body into something i actually feel comfortable with, to create an exterior that matches what i feel on the inside, my dysphoria manifesting as something similar to phantom limbs or severe dissociation and disconnect, and by EXISTING in society as someone who is transitioning and transsexual thats not going to exist in a binary.... especially as like, a bisexual man, and as someone who has fully decided by choice to keep my vagina and enjoys being penetrated by men and women alike, like that alongside an identity that is contingent on the physical being makes me feel kind of innately “not binary,” even if i dont identify as “nonbinary.”

i dont think sex is binary. i think its something that is very much mutable and changeable and its also not really a real construct, like there are objective realities found in nature of basic expectations of different sexes but theres literally no reason that these things need to be permanent and unchangeable, i feel like i DO relate to the concept of both defying my natal sex as well as changing it, hence the terms like transsexual, ftm, or sex reassignment like, resonating much more than anything 2 do with “gender” which i dont really even feel a connection to. when have trans people ever been fully given the privilege of being perceived as a certain gender? i dont even feel like cis lgb people fully have that privilege. being kinky and gay and trans its like abundantly clear how much of these identities are hinging on cishetero reproduction and the nuclear family and if i dont have access to or the desire to partake in any of that then what does being a man or being a woman even mean?

idk. this is very rambly and i dont necessarily expect it to make sense or for everyone to read it, but its just a lot of thoughts i have about gender and sex and shit. i feel like my identifying as stuff like “a trans man” and sometimes even a man at all feels like... out of.... practicality? because its the best easiest way to convey an innate desire to change and shape my physical self and how i want to be perceived by society. i feel as much “male” as like, the way society perceives male animals lol, like contingent on the preconceived notions of a physical reality that i am actively choosing to manipulate and change. gender isnt something i feel like i have much relationship to, i dont even really relate to like, masculinity or femininity really, as concepts, i dont relate to the term transmasculine for that reason, i wouldnt even call my presentation inherently masculine or feminine, and i think in part that has to do with being goth too, as ive said before goth presentation is genuinely, unironically very different than non-goth gender nonconformity and its literally perceived differently both within the community and at large lol. like i feel like as masculine as someone like nivek ogre or al jourgensen but it feels kinda jarring to realize that they themselves fit the definition of “gnc” by most people’s standards. hm. idk!

i wish i could just look like this

[hol-eage]

i just remembered i have this space to document things, and boy is my head full of things

im non binary, which is a fairly new understanding, i relate to butch and want to learn more about lesbian history really before i fully claim that? ive heard, my gender is lesbian, a few times and that makes a lot of sense to me… the thing that has me holding onto womanhood with a tender grip is that i love women, through and through i love women, ive always thought that i was one so a lot of my self love i guess is entwined with that.

i didnt think much of the pronouns they/them until i heard someone refer to me with them and wow did it hit right, so.. i go by she/they mostly because no pronouns offend me

ive spoken and connected to so many nonbinary people recently and it really feels good, im moving soon and i almost? just want to step into myself. i brought a binder, masc clothes, shoes, the whole thing. oh and i cut off my hair!

the last time i cut my hair off was heart breaking but this time i just feel right and like im not faking something anymore,,, i feel a big distance between my past and present selves, i dont know if thats something that should be bridged or is it like, !!youre there finally this is the real start!!

i cant wait to move, to be with the people i love, to feel safe, to actually live as my queer self that has been so smothered these past couple years :(

this is my little self in transition:

i feel like i need to cut off my femininity to go back to it in the right way? im not changing suddenly and wholely, well actually i kinda am, but i’ll come back to the part of me that i think of as ‘her’ and thats okay, i spent 27 years with her, she can wait and i think i’ll understand and like her better for it

[banghwa]

Nb ask anon here, tysm for answerring the ask about how u came to terms with ur gender, it's always insightful to see what other trans people have to say about their experiences even if I cant relate to everything u said, I guess for me I started to notice that I wanted to present more masc than i used to, I've 'been' a cis girl all my life and a rather girly one to be honest (although I think part of that is because I've been forced to do so).

But when people call me women or girl smth just.. doesnt sound right to me to be honest, like I know I'm not a man but a woman seems also kinda.... "strong", I just want to put wlw as my gender to be honest ajsjkssks I know that doesnt make sense but it's the only thing I know for sure in my life and also they/them pronouns are cool too I guess lol but anything besides that seems so alien to me, like for example my name, it's not that I dislike it but I've always been reluctant to search for a new one, it's like taking a step in a direction, THAT direction u know what I mean

Ugh then there's the whole presentation problem of like I kinda like to look fem but not for certain people but I definitely wanna look more masc or even gnc, like I want people to look at me and not "be able" to assume what I am u know but also sometimes girly things are pretty so fml

Anyways this gender shit is so complicated jules like it takes so much experimenting and shit and I'm just like ugh why cant I just KNOW things right now

(Sorry for the rant but u just seemed very trustworthy and helpful in the 1st ask)

omg pls dont apologize, im more than happy that your trust me enough to talk to me about something to personal <3 but yess i rly love hearing how everyone defines their gender its so interesting how we're all so different but also the same, its very comforting i feel. (answered under the cut bcs it got long lol)

thats actually really similar to how i started exploring my gender! i am a very feminine person but when i started figuring out my sexuality i also started realizing how much i disliked being read as feminine by other people despite liking being feminine. and how much i liked more masculine compliments and indentifiers. i started out id-ing as a cis bi girl and then a bi nb guy and then bi trans guy and then gay nb and now nb lesbian so its BEEN a process lmao and i know how frustrating it is to feel like you dont have it all figured out or to think you have it figured out only for you to realize it doesnt quite fit anymore later on. it feels a lot like you have to restart the whole process, but in reality i think its more of a checkpoint, ya know? sometimes we have to make a lot of stops and try out a lot of things before we find something that fits and thats totally fine. for me it was like. when i realized i was not cis it felt like running as far away as i would from my agab and then slowly coming back to poke it with a stick kjgfhkj.

and its definetly so complicated when you feel like the terms you want to identify with are "contradictory," we don't really have the vocabulary in english to describe how we experience our gender properly most of the time and some things just dont fit and its hard to explain exactly *why* to someone who doesnt Get It. but maybe its partially a blessing in disguise, bcs it lets us really test things out and play around until it feels right. you can definetly id your gender as wlw, i personally describe my gender as "lesbian" bcs i feel thats the only thing that still ties me to "womanhood." i do get what you mean tho, it was really scary for me too to start using "contradictory" identifiers, like im a lesbian but i use he/they pronouns and i like presenting fem but i hate when people assume im a woman or straight because of it. it really is frustrating trying to figure all this out when everyone around you treats gender like something they get to project onto you and feeling like you need to play into that in order to feel "real." i still have a lot of trouble detatching my gender identity from other peoples assumptions and expectations, so it feels a bit hypocritical to try to give advice on that lol, but i think it all comes back to figuring out what *you* want first and foremost, having trusted people who you can talk to and experiment with, and seeing it as a learning opportunity more than a "goal" or "destination."

it definetly is so frustrating but you're not the only one <3 im sorry happy that you're taking the time to explore what feels right to you even though its daunting to admit that to yourself. some steps like trying a different name can ESPECIALLY be really challenging and scary and it takes so much courage to admit that thats even a potential, im so proud of you honey and i wish you all the best <33 im always here and happy to talk if you want to

[dirt-grub]

1, 5, 11 and 23!

1 - How did you choose your name?

THIS IS A COOL STORY OKAY because i actually don’t have a deadname for my first name!!! Connor is my middle name! So Aiden is actually my bio first name (spelled in a girly way tho so i just go by like Aid) BUT I had a dead middle name that began with C, and for a long time i couldnt decide what to change it to, but i knew i wanted to keep the C initial. I have a little half brother who i care a lot about, and since we dont have the same last name i thought hey! his middle name is Connor, my middle name is a C... we can have a name in common! its funny like, when i made my tumblr a little over a year ago i didnt expect to make friends i just sorta wanted to reblog for an aesthetic account and stay on the down low, so i put Connor as the name to test it out and see if i liked it, and it stuck really well! Of course I do like going by either name otherwise I wouldn’t have been known by Connor to you all still XD

5 - What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

This one is really hard for me to pin down, because I was one of those kids that always sort of “knew” to a capacity- I hate being like grouped in with my sister/female cousins, i didnt like “girly” things, whenever we would play pretend my character was male, stuff like that. i sorta was always a boy in my head, in a strange way? like id always be happy until i was reminded i WAS a girl, which apparently had to be done for me to realize. i have plenty of memories being with family friends and outlining the character i was making for myself and having them interrupt and say wait, you wanna be a BOY? youre not a boy! and having my day just be ruined in a way i didnt have the vocabulary yet to describe

11 - What are your experiences with binding or wearing breast forms?

I have binded in REAL UNSAFE WAYS! DONT DO ANY OF THIS SHIT!

I started pretty much the second it was decided i had too much tit and needed to wear a bra now 24/7, so like around 12. I had these shitty training bras that didnt really fit me, and id wear a ton of them over each other every single day. like, there was a time where i was layering four or five of them, which probably didnt even help compress, but i felt like i NEEDED to or id just like die

i got my first binder uh maybe freshman year of high school? i REALLY tried to go stealth when i entered hs but i just didnt have the resources to. basically i had a long time bf through hs (t4t) and he got a binder first, and id borrow it whenever i could. we were about the same size so i got his hand me down when he got his second, and then once we had more money going forward we got our own. Since then i bind regularly with like a real one that fits me (altho not as much in quarantine bc i mean i dont leave the house)

23 - What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

I’m not sure i can say the real one here bc its sorta really bad lol but id guess being stuck in a situation with transphobic people like consistently? like i can handle getting into a fight a stranger i’ll never see again in the bathroom, but if i had to live somewhere with transphobic people being shitty to me every day i would go absolutely insane. Like its hard to explain specifically, but if i was around cis guys who were like uwu soft trans dude thats so hot or cis women who think im just an oppressed woman who needs to embrace my womanhood id go postal 

[wigglecoin]

1/4 so, i get why h/h lesbians identify the way they do - pronouns do not have to always equal gender, it's a form of gnc, and they're uncomfortable with the concept of womanhood, as it's been associated with attraction to men among other things. correct me if i'm wrong. now, i support ppl who deal w gender issues, but i admit that it kinda rubs me the wrong when i look at the arguments people make about gender in relation to lesbianism specifically

2/4 i think the concept of womanhood should be redefined. it shouldn't mean any of those things it's been associated with. i'm sure that is what h/h lesbians are fighting for too, but I don't feel that using traditionally male pronouns is the way to go about it. historically speaking, women didn't use traditionally male pronouns because they wanted to, they did because they had to

3/4 what i'm saying is that the origin of h/h lesbians is rooted in the need to conform to social expectations of women and what it means to be one. so the way i see it, for us to do that today in a form of rebellion is doing nothing else but playing into those views that we want to get away from.

4/4 those are harmful ideas at the core and it makes me question what i support. is this a false sense of security that i'm encouraging by being accepting of people making their own choices in how they identify? so yeah :( i guess what i'm looking for is more insight on this? i want to understand. and if this made you uncomfortable then i apologize :(

ok so i read this over a couple times and i think i get what your trying to say? like, people shouldnt base their identity around some point they want to make about society is what im getting from your statements. that seems like a reasonable thing to be concerned about, something you should keep in mind though is that the revolution against gender roles is often only one of the reasons people are gnc. explaining the history of he/him lesbians is normally something we do as a form of trying to defend ourselves from people who try to debate our identiy, its also one of the easier things to explain about our identity to people. its a lot easier for people understand those things when the culture around it’s shape is so straight and narrow so to speak

the fear of lesbians treading so far from heteronormativity only to begin to achive the same end has been something people have thought about with the butch/femme dynamic a lot in i feel the same way you are viewing he/him lesbians, obviously no lesbians are ‘trying to be male’ but follow me on this thought train for a little bit

for a long time butches were seen as lesbians trying to be like men by the general public. as the times got more progressive this idea hasnt really changed for the most part in outer circles, its just been more accepted as how some lesbians are, which brings up questions of ‘if we’re acting straight so much why dont we just be straight?’  and ‘which one wears the pants in the relationship’, ultimately viewing lesbians to be like straight people but they’re both girls

but for the same reasons thats absolutely not true for butch women, it isnt going to be true for he/him lesbians, i understand the fear of playing into those views by taking more masculine traits and claiming them for wlw. but honestly. people who think that way in 2020 should start having smaller stuff explained to them first before they get to he/him lesbians. 

deconstructing gender roles was always going to get confusing at some point for everyone, so its nice to see people along for the ride even if they dont get it. and as a note for everyone to remember, there is no one way to break gender roles. just because what i am has that effect doesnt mean anyone has to be ok with using other pronouns to go against it 

[transrightsjimin]

i sometimes think abt how one of the feminist zinesters i interviewed last year proposed i could send in an illustration for their next publication, so the one for this year, and i liked the offer and i regret not doing anything with it but man. i rly do not feel connected to feminism enough or like, not enough to theirs i guess. in the zine i bought from them i read abt sexual harrassment, dating, sex, going out, nudity, girls peeing in public, and music and all of these experiences are of course by women and she knew im nb and illustrate but i just... feel like i didnt learn anything new when reading the zine, it was interesting i guess but i didnt really feel educated by it bc i feel like im at a different point, and just a lot of these artistic young creatives like them, but also at my uni and whatnot, theyre all so extravert and occupy themselves with borrels (? having drinks), careers, experimental art events, and just. everything they do is so offline, like artsy ppl are so far removed from the internet and do so much more in their lives, i cant relate to it. and i dont feel like its fair for me as a nonbinary / genderless person to write for a feminist zine when that should offer a space for women to talk, or at least i dont feel comfortable w it. i dont have anything interesting to say on the topic anyway? the most interesting thing i can think of is uhhh that ive been so alienated from womanhood due to autism (me not copying gender-specific behaviours and being bullied) that i am therefore not a girl / woman. but i dont want to share that in a collective. i remember the zine introduction naming 'women and nonbinary people' together and i found this so odd bc nb people can be men too and just. it rly seemed to reinforce the idea that nonbinary people are a third category that isnt male. and i had the feeling overall that there were no trans ppl in their large collective at all, which also made me feel disconnected from their feminism. i think feminism was my first introduction to leftism on tumblr, though i must add that i started out as quite an edgy centrist. but yeah i just. im a really sensitive and boring person and i cant relate to this artsy type of person who shows nudity and is very social, i cant relate to womanhood, nd feel too disconnected from feminism at this point as i dont feel like i have much to share on the topic or like whatever i read on it is rly intriguing, but thats prob bc the liberal variant is so popular. but idk. these are some midnight thoughts i guess

[toontowncreepypasta]

I hope this isn't rude!! I've just been questioning for some time, but I wanted to ask how you found out you were bigender?

nah it's not rude dw. or i guess i should say that i don't find it rude. not everyone would be comfortable answering this. anyways, it's more of a long running problem then 'finding out' it was more like finding the correct label i guess. up until then i had been figiting around with agender, nonbinary, gnc male, whatever. i've had these feelings for a long ass time but i mostly just chalked it up to me "being trans wrong" and figured if i vocalized any of them my transition would be undermined and invalidated by LITERALLY everyone. i assumed that other trans peopel and my friends would assume that i was lying about being transmasc, and that cis people would find comfort in the idea that i was "really cis all along"

anyuways i started testosterone in march and decided i shouldn't monitor my gender based on the idea that my friends are all kalvin garrah ass lickers (surprise! none of them were, literally none. my friends r the coolest people ever and extremely accepting) but the general feelings were an attachment to a lot of the misogyny i experienced as a kid, misogyny i experience now, and the general feeling of "womanhood."

the thing is "womanhood" is something ive been disconected from both by being trans AND by being autistic. no matter what, even if i wasnt trans i wouldn't have ever been a "woman" or a girl in societies eyes. too fat too ugly too weird, etc. and i really started having these feelings the older i got because id relate more and more to conversations i'd hear about how minor events of misogyny. being punished for being masculine, being punioshed for being funny, being punished for being weird or creepy. being punished for being the "weird art freak" when men get away with it all the time.

that being said, i also still heavily identify as masculine. i love my body hair, it gives me gender euphoria. i love my facial hair even if it's pubey and gross. i love the idea of me gaining more muscle and getting top surgery and if there were bottom surgery options i'd like id love the idea of that too. due to this i've had people assume im a lesbian quite a few times, problem with that is is that despite being bi that ratios like 95% men and masc people, and 5% fem people. (im t4t). i also never feel like a woman, or a girl, i never did. but i also never feel like a male or a guy or a dude. im just me. miss faggot. a ladydude. a girl dad.

that being said i thought bigender was essentially ~fancy genderfluid~ and that it changed day to day, which... isn't accurate for me, lol. my gender isn't fluid, i mean it is about as much as it is for everyone else, but im not genderFLUID. my dysphoria fluctuates on if i'm mentally sound enough to not let it bother me, not if i wanna be more masc or fem that day. im a consistant, those feelings don't change like it does for some people. anyways i just asked at one point on some social media "hey is there a gender for being both at the same time" and someone was like thats bigender and i was like ? i thought bigender meant changing day to day and they were like jake....

ANYWAYS. thats it yeah sorry for rambling NBSAHFAHHAHAHA

[chinon]

Hey, this might sound odd but do you have any advice for someone who's starting to seriously question their gender? When I was younger I was seriously repelled by the idea of being a girl, but as I grew up I became more comfortable with it and thought as a child I must've just been a tomboy. Now I'm 17 and after several years of hardly questioning my gender it's all just kind of hitting me at once. It's confusing. Sorry for the long message!

hey! not odd at all actually! i actually relate to this quite a bit. i mean as a kid i didnt really have a concept of gender tbh i just knew i absolutely hated pink, dresses, makeup, basically anything and everything stereotypically girly/feminine lmaoo my mom always wanted a girl tho and shes pretty girly and feminine so i just kind of went with it i guess to appease her and, like you, i eventually just became less outright uncomfortable with it as time went on. i used to be super “picky” when shopping and literally any store i went to (even h&m which has been my fav for years) i was lucky to leave with one thing i liked lmao my mom hated going shopping with me. but now that i look back its so obvious that the clothes in the womens section just Werent Me bc now when i go clothes shopping in the mens section i find so many things i like. so its not that i was picky per se, but womens clothing just never resonated with me. but i didnt know anything about trans people (i didnt even understand the concept of transness) until i was like 15-16 when i became friends with some. then a couple months later this lady irl mistook me for a boy so she referred to me as “he” and honestly thats when it kind of clicked for me lmao bc it felt So Good and like someone was finally actually speaking to/about Me ... like the actual me you know? thats when i finally started questioning things and my trans friends started helping me look into different labels and whatnot and tbh it was a bit overwhelming at first

ok overshare o’clock over !! as for advice honestly id ditch labels for now (or forever tbh specific labels arent important for everyone). do you feel like a girl? do you identify with girl/womanhood? if your answer is no or “not completely” then youre probably most likely not a cis girl lmao ... just go with what you feel. talk to people with similar experiences as you and dont be afraid to reach out if you need help with or resources for anything. i went through so many labels before finally settling on what ive got now, and all the questioning stopped when i did bc this just feels Right. i think when you find the right one it just feels like You, you know? it feels good and comfortable and like Home ... at least thats how it was for me

idk if this is helpful at all esp bc im not sure what kind of advice youre looking for, if anything specific tbh so feel free to im me if you want or you can send another anon about what specifically you are looking for and i can try to help you as best as i can ! good luck !!

[shvr]

been considering my gender (as usual) and recently ive been feelin kinda i guess “maybe boy” feelings but i like. still do not identify with manhood at all. but i still want to try T and transition to be more masculine. so like. i dont know where this post was going (its like 2am and im lost in nier:a’s ost, srry). im trying to distinguish whether or not these are like. nb boy(?) feelings or butch feelings or maybe something different. this gender shit is so hard.

i mean. should i ever start to identify with ...boy-ness... id have to drop the lesbian label and i think thats holding me back a lil bit bc lesbianism is such a core part of my identity now. i mean. it IS the only thing really tying me to womanhood. which on one hand, i dont mind, but on another hand, i do. but im not opposed to iding as bi. but i dont like men? but i dont have to like men to be bi...but theres also other labels that are more or less accepted relating to being attracted to women (i think? after a quick google search it turns out what i had in mind is indeed not related to what i was thinking about. oh well)

got distracted and forgot where i was going with this post Again but i guess what ive been thinking is like. i identify with masculinity up until it starts hitting the binary. like if were thinking a spectrum or scale, and after some point it drops into binary boy (whether it be partially or fully) territory, i feel like i stop right before that line. im not sure how to describe it fully but i guess i like the concept of being a boy in theory but not in practice? i guess i want all the good things masculinity offers without the being a boy part. maybe thats just being butch? but i dont really consider myself butch? but i consider myself futch. which is like. a combination of both butch and futch. which very well describes how i feel about my gender. i guess. i think? uhg

[briyarmara]

by thefemalekipling do you mean like rudyard kipling? Because that dude has written some pretty questionable stuff, like "the white man's burden". if indeed you mean the female rudyard Kipling, what's your opinion on kipling's brand of racism?

I took my time to fully research this before I answered, its something I have been thinking about and wrote about recently in my essay about Shakespeare and my issues toward ‘The Taming of the Shrew’ which led me into looking at my qualms with the western canon as a whole. I think I can split this ask into three parts:

Yes the femalekipling does indeed refer to the writer Rudyard Kipling

Yes the man is a very questionable figure when it comes to his writings on Imperial Britain

My opinion on Kipling is complex, one I haven’t made an absolute decision on because it affects any writer i come in contact with

I completely agree with you in terms of Rudyard being questionable, in fact I find that such a fitting term in describing him. He’s a great writer but then again he is a purveyor of Imperialism. Kipling represents a system of thinking that I do not support but as a young black woman studying a literature degree I am tested on a daily basis on making judgements and giving allowances to every writer I encounter, particularly white writers. 

Interestingly enough I haven’t read any Kipling in great detail; the name came from a comment my friend made about me in a picture and I always like to have my social media monikers chosen by my friends. In that sense, I didn’t chose it because of any meaning outside of it being a reminder of my friend, but it does have meaning. 

I was actually thinking of changing it because of my views on what the term ‘female’ denotes in our society and my discomfort towards ideas of gender— perhaps I should have been looking a little further. Both terms I use are problematic and maybe it says something that my immediate criticism lay amongst ideas of womanhood and gender as opposed to race and colonialism.

As a black woman it’s the decision I make everyday on how my intersectionality works, for its never completely democratic. The comment my friend made I took as a compliment, stating that I, as a young woman, have similar status of an established and acclaimed writer. That was endearing to me. But people are complex, ridden with flaws that I think we don’t always chose to show when it comes to those who represent the brightest of our society.

Rudyard Kipling has that tainted reputation as being questionable, but the same can be said and has been said about Joseph Conrad, Charles Dickens, William Shakespeare to say the least. John F Kennedy routinely committed adultery, Winston Churchill embodies some of the most horrendous opinions held by British society at that time. But Kennedy represented a better, more socialist America, and Churchill is responsible for keeping the spirits of the British people alive during the war. Both still have other shortcomings and moments of glory that cannot be quantified into good and bad by simple addition and subtraction.

 Where do we place people like this? We must not wholly condemn them but neither can we absolve and commemorate them either. I think that one thing shouldn’t destroy evidence of the other, we should allow ourselves to see people as people and not gods or monsters.

I guess to answer your question it should be can we still celebrate problematic individuals? Its something that relates back to the issue with Casey Affleck winning the oscar despite numerous sexual harassment allegations. Is it possible to separate art from the artist? To reclaim texts such as The White Man’s Burden with a turn of irony that condemns colonialism and neo-colonialism in the form of western volunteering enterprises that do not provide sustainable solutions? I honestly still don’t know but I also think that reading should always allow for the complexity of a text just as we should allow for the complexity of an individual. In no way does that mean that I like Kipling as a person but thats not my job as a reader and a critic. Our ideas of morality are not as distinct as we would like them to be; should you strip away Kipling’s Nobel prize? Should we really even care about such awards that are still operating in a system that clearly benefits and celebrates a particular type of writer and particular kind of voice and style?

How can you live and read in a world that is inherently problematic; in which the very foundations of literature today are often having to adhere to reductive standards of acclaim? I can only provide you with open ended questions to this complex issue but I guess its just to say that the Kipling racism is a part of an institution of racism which I am wholly against. But Kipling is more than the racism he is complicit in when writing, but we should never reduce him to less than that either, or forget that facet of his work.

But thank you for your question, I enjoy discussing critical theory and I respect you for being able to call me out on something like that. I’m not a perfect person, still learning but appreciative of developing from my lapses of awareness. I hope this answers your question. 

[seagreenflowers]

for your consideration this pride month:

A non-binary, bisexuals probably homophobic opinions on gender and sexuality

for starters, i’d like to say this is just my personal opinion and i don’t expect anyone to actually read this other than maybe one friend i have on tumblr and people i specifically send it to, but in the event that this blows up because ya know, it’s the internet: I’m not trying to invalidate anyone’s gender expression, sexuality, person opinions, labels, or thoughts on the community. this is just how i personally view everything concerning LGBT from my lived experiences.

to begin, i think that there are two main opinions from people in and outside the community over the number of labels we use and they generally fall into these categories either: “we have too many, these fucking snowflakes” and “i don’t really care, you do you” there are very, very few actually “”snowflakes”” that use the terminology we’ve all seen and had opinions about. therefore, why is it still in use? why do they have their own pride days in the month? well, from what i can see, my best guess is the definitions of everything are very muddled and the minute differences are expanded upon in ways that simply do not make sense to me.

for example, the sheer number of words we have for an attraction to multiple genders, while they all have their own differences, why can there not just be an umbrella term and people describe their individual sexual desires to the people they need to define it to. just to make my case here’s the words i’ve found:

bisexual

pansexual

omnisexual

polysexual

queer

all of these words have a basic meaning of attraction to more than one gender that it is inconceivable to me why we need all of them. if there’s discourse around how bisexual doesn’t just mean two, then why does poly exist? and if there’s discussion about bisexuals not always have a gender preference then why do pan and omni have distinctions? to me personally, in a perfect world, we need zero labels, but how we live today, we need the labels. if straights and gays aren’t equal and we take away the distinctions, they’ll never be equal. but stemming from that, i have qualms with words like this that feel like preferences over an actual distinction in sexuality. because the argument from the community (which i 100% agree with) is that you don’t Choose sexuality, things that feel like Choosing demean the entire system. things like bi where you see gender feel to me like “when looking for a partner, i Choose based on gender” definitionally and maybe that’s a misinterpretation of the word choice because in dating and sex everyone has to experience choice, that’s consent, but really you fall in and out of want instead of saying “i’m looking for a 5’4 blonde girl that has freckles” because as much as you can have a wish list it will never be fulfilled in the way you intend because people don’t bend to specifications. and maybe that thought process of not looking for a gender or a set of attributes makes me pan, but that’s not how i identify, so this is where we get to the point. if people don’t identify with the words that most describe how they actually feel because there’s another word that explains them, why do the words exist in the first place!

this is why it took me 4 years to actually come to the conclusion that i was bi. 1. because of the sheer number of words to describe how i was feeling but 2. if bisexuals can have any split between male and female attraction (doesn’t have to just be male and female but for examples sake) if i am not split 50/50 that would fall into the realm of poly and omni. and 3. girls are cute but are girls like date cute or are girls just like delicate cute (but that’s beside the point)

now i think i continue to beat a dead horse if i go into discussions about asexuality and all of its subgroups 1. because i’ve proven my point with multiple gendered love and 2. that’s not my community i would get something wrong and that’s not my intention. but GENDER!! FUN!!

so anyway that i go into this is going to sound offensive and it will get kind of rude but it’s out of pure inability to comprehend most of this. if someone wants to educate me, go right ahead.

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GENDER IDENTITY AND GENDER EXPRESSION

gender identity is the gender you feel. the sex. male, female, non-binary.

gender Expression is how you interpret that label. things like demi girl and gender fluid feel in this category to me because you Cannot in any case change gender day to day. period.

you are allowed to dress more masculine and feel more comfortable masculine one day and feel more comfortable feminine another. that’s not your gender changing!!!!! that’s just PREFERENCES!!!!!!! that’s Choice!!!!!!

what i’ve always understood in my heart the way to tell if you’re feeling a shift in expression or in identity is these 3 categories: perception, privates, personality. the three Ps (i did just come up with this)

are you worried or uncomfortable with someone using a certain name or set of language that hints to gender (such as queen v king) [the pronoun discussion is for later i don’t find it appropriate to include it here] this is perception

do you dislike something being a part of your body, not because you find it ugly, uncomfortable, or unnecessary but because you Want the Parts of Another Sex. for example there’s a difference in “oh i wish i didn’t have a uterus because i hate periods” and “i wish i didn’t have a uterus because the thought of that being a part of my body makes me feel sick because i want *male anatomy*” that is privates

and finally, personality. just because you’re a tomboy doesnt make you trans. just because you like dresses or skirts as a boy, doesn’t make you trans. everyone’s personality and individualism is what makes this difficult. you’re allowed to have interests that are “of the opposite gender” that don’t make you trans.

and something that i feel is an important distinction and will lead us into the pronouns portion, and this sounds rude but it’s not, it’s the truth. there are a lot more people that claim ftm than mtf. there just simply are, and the problem with that arises with a lot of women are upset about the condition of being a woman in today’s society, with all the pressures, expectations, lack of rights, etc etc that they would rather be perceived as a man. they would rather be a man to avoid the constant taunting of women and as much as that’s relatable, being fed up with the human condition of womanhood DOES NOT MAKE YOU TRANS. all of the “she/they non-binaries” that arise today that have no problems with being identified as a woman in public, that have no want to change their physical bodies because they want the ones of the opposite sex, and act Like A Woman *are not really trans* because that demeans every aspect of what it Actually means to be trans and honestly it’s kind of insulting to be someone that experiences extreme gender dysphoria to just see people with the desire to be less of a woman out of, here’s this again, Choice, when really they’re mad about society. and oh boy is it completely valid to be mad about the conditions of women, and it is valid to identify as she/they or he/they. it’s just, the distinction between people that actually experience gender dysphoria and the ones that don’t like the way that boobs make the world interact with them.

ALSO WHAT THE FUCK ARE NEOPRONOUNS????? i don’t get it. i’ve never understood it and i don’t think i ever will but like, bold claim, furries and otherkins aren’t Part of the lgbt community???? and i might be mislead on what neopronouns actually are but the only time i’ve seen them actually used are in cases with otherkins and the like wanting to be referred to as pronouns that correspond with their *preferred species* which is a whole other can of snowflake worms that i don’t have time to get into today but like,,,in my humble opinion, i feel as tho he she and they kinda cover the spectrum. you’re fem identifying, she/her. boom, solved. ur masc identifying he/him. lovely, awesome. you feel in between, they/them. great. excellent. you have kinship with both femininity and androgyny she/they (or vice versa he/they) but like IM NOT CALLING SOMEONE LIKE “”BUNSELF”” CAUSE YOURE A BUNNY. THATS NOT HOW LANGUAGE WORKS???? this is only a phenomenon of the english language because most latin languages DONT EVEN HAVE A THEY/THEM FOR EVERYDAY CONVERSATIONS. and we have the AUDACITY to come up with this stuff???? i don’t- i don’t get it. like i speak spanish (i’m not a native, i’m still learning so don’t roast me if i say something incorrect) and it’s nearly impossible to find a way to refer to yourself as a they/them because the words simply don’t exist. i’m lucky enough to be okay with he/him pronouns but in languages and cultures were every single thing you interact with is labeled with a gender there’s simply no time to come up with and incorporate things like Neopronouns when we can’t even find a way to express the basics in another language... and the whole point of the LGBT community is to be inclusive to everyone no matter their sexuality, gender, race, ethnic background etc etc but this is something that quite blatantly leaves out most of the World.

anyway, these are some of my opinions. feel free to ask questions and ignore typos. once again i’m open to education, but this has been my ted talk.