#thats last for almost a year and it strains the relationship

[fishybehavior]

What do you mean only Kai can experience parentification??

I'm gonna give Jay so much- *gets shot*

[xsherewrytesx]

↳ Toji Fushiguro x f! black reader

summary. You and Toji were broken up for 8 months+. Your constant pressure for him to improve led to frequent fights, driving him to spend more time at the mechanic shop and racing than with you. Despite knowing you meant well, the strain became too much, and Toji eventually ended the relationship.

genre: heavy angst, modern au, 18+, explicit smut, street racer au

fic warnings. ooc, profanity, mental health issues, toxic relationships, cheating, explicit smut, drug use, mentions of depression + more to be updated as story progresses.

Prequel

In the early days, before everything unraveled, before the weight of expectations and dreams became too heavy to bear, there was a time when your and Toji's relationship burned bright with hope and passion.

You were deep into your architecture studies at SCAD university, your days filled with drafting tables and design critiques. Toji, on the other hand, lived a more unconventional life. He worked at a mechanic shop during the day, fixing cars with a skill that hinted at years of hands-on experience. But it was the nights and weekends that defined him—a street racer, known for his daring maneuvers and his loyalty to his crew.

Their worlds collided one night at a local hangout spot, where street racers gathered like modern-day gladiators ready to battle it out on the asphalt. Toji's presence was magnetic, his confidence matched only by the roar of his engine. You were drawn to his intensity, the way he seemed to defy the rules both on and off the track.

Their first date was unconventional, to say the least. Toji took you for a ride in his prized Eleanor Mustang, pushing the car to its limits under the cover of night. The rush of adrenaline, the thrill of speed—it was intoxicating, a glimpse into Toji's world that you couldn't resist.

As their relationship blossomed, you saw potential in Toji beyond the mechanic shop and the late-night races. You believed in him fiercely, pushing him to dream bigger. It was you who planted the seed of owning his own shop, a place where he could showcase his talents and build something lasting.

Toji was hesitant at first, wary of your relentless optimism. "You think I don't want it hard enough?" he would argue, his voice tinged with frustration. "I take my time to learn things right, not rush into something half-assed like you want."

Their arguments became a cycle—a dance of passion and frustration, love and misunderstanding. You both made up after each fight, drawn back together by their shared fire, only to fall into another argument soon after.

The highs of victory at the races were often followed by the lows of heated debates over dinner, their friends, Sukuna, Geto, and Gojo, bearing witness to their volatile love affair.

One night, after Toji lost a crucial race, your disappointment turned to biting criticism. "You were too slow off the line," you snapped, your words a slap in the face. Toji, already raw from the defeat, snapped back with equal force. "I don't need this from you, Y/n! You think you know everything, but you don't understand what it takes!"

You scoffed and rolled your eyes," You sure act like you don't have what it takes." Toji's eyes widen incredulously at your words. He felt his heart crack for the first time since you guys started arguing almost daily.

Toji voice was raised,

"So, this is how you see me huh, just some bum mechanic. I hold my own. I pay my share and more. I do everything I can and more for you, for us. You want L.V, Bottega Veneta, anything you got that plus more. Trips to see your family back home. Tuition fees I help you pay that AND ONE FUCKING NIGHT IM OFF MY GAME AND THATS WHAT I GET Y/N. FORREAL"

Their friends watched in silence as the argument escalated, the air thick with tension and unspoken truths. Sukuna, usually the voice of reason, exchanged a worried glance with Geto and Gojo.

They had seen this before but not to this extent—the clash of two strong-willed souls who loved fiercely but couldn't find common ground.

Toji walked off leaving you with his friends. He walked over to his cousins Maki and Mai who were hanging with Yuuji, Nobara and Megumi, his younger brother.

Megumi sensing his older brother's tension offered him a beer and a quick smoke. Toji took the beer and the joint leaning against Megumi's custom built 2000 Mazda rx7 series 8 in orange.

Megumi stood next to Toji analyzing him before asking. "Wanna talk about it bro. We all saw the commotion from over here. The music was too loud for us to hear but we know it was bad."

Toji sighed not wanting to talk, just think. "Just the usual these days honestly but I'm good man......For the most part." Megumi studied his older brother's face for a moment. He's never seen Toji look so stressed out before. He's usually a bit more carefree and relaxed. Yuuji strode over to offer Megumi another drink and glanced at Toji, who was deep in thought. "Is y/n trippin on him again?" Yuuji inquired, to which Megumi nodded in confirmation.

"Why doesn't he just...idk take a break or end things. They went from the it couple of the meet ups to that old miserable couple who hate each other but stay together for the kids and mortgage." Toji laughed at Yuuji's analogy of his and your relationship.

As the night wore on, Toji retreated into brooding silence, nursing his wounded pride. you, to hurt to stay, stormed off into the night, leaving behind a trail of regrets and unresolved emotions.

The weeks following that pivotal night were filled with tension and distance for you and Toji. What was once a vibrant relationship had deteriorated into a fragile shell of its former self. Intimacy had become a distant memory—

No more shared moments of passion, no lazy mornings in each other's embrace, no whispered promises. Instead, your interactions were marked by tense exchanges and the heavy weight of unspoken issues weighing on you and Toji's mind.

Toji sought solace in the familiar clang of tools and the smell of motor oil at the mechanic shop. It became his sanctuary, a place to bury himself in work, tuning up cars before and after races, avoiding the suffocating atmosphere of his once-shared apartment.

His boss and uncle, Naobito, initially tried to send Toji home at reasonable hours. But seeing the turmoil in his young mechanic, he relented, letting Toji work as long as he needed to find peace in the roaring engines and the adrenaline-fueled world of street racing.

Days stretched into weeks, and Toji's absence from home became the new normal. He spent his evenings at Geto's or Sukuna's place, smoking, chilling and talking about life and racing. He liked being around them. They understood the allure of the fast life and how the life is, especially for him.

When Toji finally returned home, it was almost three weeks since he had last stepped foot in the apartment. Exhausted, he unlocked the door, hoping for a moment of peace, but you were waiting for him, your eyes blazing with anger.

The sight of Toji, worn and distant, triggered a burst of accusations and pent-up frustrations. “Where the hell you been, Toji? Do you even care anymore?” Your voice cracked with anger and hurt.

Toji just sighed not wanting to argue with you as soon as he got through the door. He opted for silence, but you pushed on again

“Toji, where the hell have you been?” you demanded again, your voice sharp. “You think you can just disappear for weeks and not tell me where you are?”

Toji, weary from weeks of turmoil and external pressure, finally snapped. “You think I don’t care? You think this is easy for me? Plus, I’ve been working, racing. I needed some space."

His words were sharp, each syllable laced with bitterness and exhaustion. He was trying not to unleash everything that had been brewing inside him for weeks.

“Man, miss me with that,” you fired back, tears streaming down your face. “You been out here actin’ like I don’t exist. You think I’m stupid? You out there wit’ somebody else? and what's this bullshit about Space...SPACE! You needed space, so you just leave me here, not knowing if you’re dead or alive? You didn’t even call!”

Toji’s eyes flashed with frustration. “I ain’t been with nobody else! I’ve been at the shop, tryin’ to get my mind right. But you always jumpin’ to conclusions. I didn't wanna fight with you almost every night after a day at the shop. I just needed to clear my head."

“You expect me to believe that? You ain’t been home in weeks, Toji! Weeks! and you talking shit about clearing your head” you shouted, your voice rising with every word.

“Clear your head?” you echoed again, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “You mean avoid your responsibilities. Avoid me. Toji, this isn’t working,” you said, your voice breaking. “You’ve been gone for weeks, and you didn’t even think to call me. What am I supposed to think?”

“I needed space! You don’t get it, do you? Every time I come home, it’s like walkin’ into a battlefield. I can’t breathe here! You think I was out there having fun? I was working my ass off, trying to keep my head above water! And you? You didn’t check on me either! You didn’t care if I was alive or dead!”

Toji yelled back, his frustration boiling over.

“That’s not fair, Toji! You shut me out!” you shouted, your voice trembling with a mix of anger and hurt. “You didn’t give me a chance! You needed space? So you just leave? Just like that? What about us? What about our plans, our dreams?” you cried, desperation seeping into your voice.

“Toji, I’m tired of this!” you yelled, your frustration boiling over. “You never take anything seriously! Not our relationship, not your future. You just coast by, doing the bare minimum.”

Toji scoffed, “That's bull shit and you know it I've been busting my ass trying to make something of myself. All you do is nag and push and talk and push and fucking frustrate me and the fuck you mean by plans? dreams? You mean your plans, your dreams. You never asked what I wanted. You just assumed. You pushed and pushed until there was nothing left of me but your expectations.”

“Nah, that’s bullshit!” you cried. “I was tryin’ to make you see your worth. You got talent, Toji. You could be somethin’ big, but you stuck in that damn garage like you scared of success! Why can’t you see that I just want what’s best for you?"

“You don’t get it!” Toji roared back, his face contorted with pain and anger. “I love working on cars. I love racing. It ain’t about throwin’ away potential. It’s about doin’ what makes me happy. But you... you always want more. Nothing is ever enough for you NOTHING I DO OR TRY IS ENOUGH!”

“So it’s wrong to want the best for you? For us?” you countered, desperation creeping into your voice. “We had dreams, Toji. Big dreams. What happened to those?”

“They turned into your dreams, not mine,” Toji shot back. “You never asked what I wanted. You just assumed. You pushed and pushed until there was nothing left of me but your expectations.”

“You think I’m just naggin’ you? You think I don’t want you to be happy? I just wanted us to be happy. To build somethin’ real,” you whispered, your voice breaking.

Toji’s voice, when he spoke again, was cold and detached. “I can’t do this anymore,” he declared.

“I’m done, Y/n,” Toji said, his voice cold. “I’m done fighting. I’m done trying to be someone I’m not for you.”

Toji stared at you for a long moment, his expression unreadable. Then he pulled out his phone and dialed Sukuna’s number.

“Yo, Sukuna. I need your help. Can you come over and help me move my stuff?”

Your shock turned to disbelief, then to a desperate plea. “Toji, please, don’t do this. We can work through this, I promise.”

Toji paused, his gaze hardening. “Nah, it’s too late for promises,” he said flatly, his eyes devoid of emotion.

“Sukuna,” Toji said into the phone, “I need you to come over. Help me move out.”

Sukuna’s voice came through the phone, confused and concerned. “What’s going on, man? You sure about this?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Toji replied, glancing at you. “I need to get out of here.”

As he hung up, you continued to shout at him, your voice desperate and raw. “You can’t just leave, Toji! You can’t just walk out on us!”

Toji ignored your pleas, moving through the apartment with a sense of finality. He packed his belongings swiftly, each item a silent testament to your shattered dreams.

Pulling out a wad of cash, he dropped it on the table. “Cover my share of the expenses. It's about 15k”

Overwhelmed by a mixture of emotions—anger, sadness, betrayal—you snatched the money and flung it at Toji hitting him in the back. “I don’t want your damn money!” Your voice cracked with emotion, your heart breaking with each passing moment.

Toji picked up the cash calmly, placing it on a side table without a second glance. He took off his apartment keys, dropping them next to the money. “Use it or not, I don’t care anymore.” His voice was hollow, his gaze distant as he turned away.

“You runnin’ away again, Toji! Just like you always do when things get tough!” you shouted, anger and pain mixing into a volatile cocktail.

Toji froze, his back to you. Slowly, he turned around, his expression hardened by years of unresolved conflict. “Maybe I am,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

“But I can’t keep pretending everything’s okay when it’s not. I’m tired, Y/n. I’m tired of fighting, of trying to live up to your expectations. I need space to figure things out.” Toji said dejected rubbing his temples.

Just as the tension reached its peak, there was a knock at the door. Sukuna entered; his usual smirk replaced with a look of concern. “Yo, you really doin’ this, Toji?”

Toji nodded, his resolve unwavering. “Yeah, I’m done. Just need to be out of here.”

You followed them through the house, your pleas growing more desperate. “Toji, please! Don’t do this. We can fix this; I know we can!”

Sukuna glanced at Toji, his brow furrowed. “You sure about this, man? You wanna throw all this away?”

Toji’s frustration boiled over, and he snapped at Sukuna. “I said, I’m sure! Just help me pack and let’s get out of here!”

Sukuna nodded, silently helping Toji gather his things. You trailed behind, tears streaming down your face, your heart breaking with each passing moment.

“Toji, you can’t just walk away. What about all the good times? What about us?” you begged, your voice cracking.

Toji paused, his eyes filled with a mix of sadness and determination. “I’m sorry, Y/n. I really am. But I can’t keep doing this. I need to breathe. I need to be me, without all this pressure.”

You watched helplessly as Toji packed his belongings, his movements mechanical and distant. In a desperate attempt to stop him, you grabbed at his clothes, trying to yank them out of his hands. “Toji, don’t go. Don’t leave me like this.”

Toji, startled by your physical resistance, tugged his clothes back with a firm grip. “Let go, Y/n. This ain’t gonna change nothin’.”

“Stop it, Toji! Just stop!” you screamed, your voice filled with a mix of rage and desperation. “You can’t do this to us!”

The tussle escalated, both of you pulling at his belongings until Toji managed to wrench them from your grasp. “Enough!” he shouted, his voice echoing through the apartment.

Breathing heavily, you looked at him with tear-filled eyes, your voice a trembling whisper. “I hate you, Toji. I wish I never met you.”

Toji froze, his eyes widen at your words, his expression one of shock and pain. He stared at you; his voice dangerously quiet. “Say that again.”

“I said I hate you! I wish I never met you!” you repeated, each word cutting through the air like a knife.

Toji’s face hardened, the weight of your words settling heavily on his shoulders. Slowly, he reached for the double Cuban link bracelets on his wrists, removing them one by one. He placed them gently on the coffee table, followed by the matching ring and the promise ring you both exchanged on Valentine’s Day last year.

He looked at you one last time, his voice filled with a cold finality. “I hope you’re happy now. Goodbye, Y/n."

With those words, Toji turned away, grabbing his packed bags and walking out the door without a backward glance. Sukuna lingered for a moment, casting a sympathetic look your way before following Toji out of the apartment.

Alone in the silence that followed, you collapsed onto the couch, tears streaming down your face. The apartment felt emptier than it ever had before, the air thick with the weight of shattered dreams and unresolved emotions.

Weeks turned into months, and the ache in your heart slowly dulled to a persistent throb. Toji’s absence became a void you learned to live with, the memories of happier times a bittersweet reminder of what once was.

You threw yourself into your studies, burying your pain in the relentless pursuit of your dreams. Architecture became your sanctuary, a place where you could lose yourself in the creative process, if only temporarily.

Occasionally, you caught glimpses of Toji’s life through mutual friends or social media—snapshots of him at races, laughing with Sukuna and Geto, the tattooed sleeves on his arms a stark reminder of how much had changed.

Sometimes you'd even attend street races, it's been apart of your routine for so long. It was hard to stop.

And yet, despite the passage of time, a part of you couldn’t let go. The memories of Toji—

𝕆𝕟𝕖, 𝔼𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕖𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕡𝕒𝕤𝕥

You hadn't planned on driving through this part of town. Memories lurked here, painful and poignant, like ghosts whispering from every corner. Your hands tightened on the steering wheel as you navigated familiar streets, the echoes of old arguments and broken promises haunting your thoughts.

The engine of your car hummed steadily, a contrast to the erratic beat of your heart. The shop came into view, its neon sign with the words Zenin Auto's flickering even in the bright midday sun.

As you approached, the sound of an all-too-familiar song filled the air, blending with the scent of gasoline and burnt rubber. "Same Old Song" by The Weeknd. Ironic, really.

You saw him before he saw you. Toji was at the center of the garage, his presence commanding, even now. His back was turned, engrossed in conversation with Sukuna near the open hood of a sleek, black Dodge Hellcat.

Sukuna, his lean frame leaning casually against the car, glanced up and caught your eye with a grimace, his cigarette dangling from his lips as usual. He nudged Toji, and Toji turned slowly, a spark of recognition igniting in his eyes.

Toji looked different yet the same. His muscles seemed more defined, his sleeves of his jumpsuit tied around his waist to reveal new tattoos that snaked up his arms like wild vines. A silver lip ring gleamed on the opposite side of his lip scar, a bold addition to his rugged appearance.

His hair, always a bit tousled, now fell just a touch longer, framing his face in a way that made your heart ache with nostalgia. He wore his usual navy-blue jumpsuit with the sleeves tied around his waist, paired with black Timberland work boots and a black fitted vest.

You felt frozen, caught between the urge to turn away and the magnetic pull of unfinished business. Your car idling in front the shop. Memories flooded back, unbidden. Late nights spent waiting for him to come home, the scent of motor oil clinging to his clothes.

The fierce arguments, the passionate reconciliations, and the relentless push from you for him to strive for more. You had meant well, always. But sometimes, love alone couldn't bridge the gap between two people heading in different directions.

Toji's gaze locked onto yours, his expression unreadable at first. For a fleeting moment, it seemed as though time had stood still. Then, a flicker of something crossed his face—was it surprise, regret, or resignation?

He scoffed lightly, a faint smirk tugging at the corners of his lips as he lifted a joint to his mouth and lit it with practiced ease. The flame briefly illuminated the scar on his lip, a mark you used to trace with your fingers in quieter times.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Toji thought, the anger he had buried resurfacing. "After all this time, she just shows up. For what?"

The sight of you, unchanged yet somehow different, tugged at memories he had tried to bury beneath the noise of the racing engines and the smoke of his joint.

He remembered the way your eyes sparkled when you smiled, the softness of your touch that could soothe even his fiercest temper. But alongside those memories, there was also the weight of unresolved issues, the fear of falling back into old patterns that had left you both scarred.

Your thoughts were a whirlwind. "Why does he have to look so good?" you wondered, struggling to maintain your composure. "Does he even care that I'm here? Does he even miss me?"

In that charged silence, you found yourself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions.

The lyrics of the song playing in the background seemed to mock you both.

And now I'm poppin', yeah Ain't nobody showed me how I made it big poppin', yeah Tell me how you like me now I swear I loved you, girl,

a bitter reminder of the love you had once shared and the pain that had torn you apart.

Toji wanted to say something, anything, to break the tension that crackled between you. But pride and stubbornness held his words captive, leaving only the smoke of his joint to fill the silence.

"She really had the nerve to come here," Toji thought, his jaw tightening. "Ain't no way I'm letting her see me sweat."

In that suspended moment, neither of you moved. You could feel Sukuna's eyes on you, a silent observer to the reunion that neither of you had expected.

Toji's jaw tightened imperceptibly as he pushed a hand through his hair, breaking eye contact and turning away with a dismissive gesture. The casualness of the gesture masked the turmoil beneath the surface, a storm of conflicting emotions that threatened to engulf you both.

"I should just leave," you thought, the weight of the past too heavy to bear. But before you could gather your thoughts, Toji turned his back completely, disappearing deeper into the shadows of the garage. Sukuna's lingering gaze followed you as you stood there, grappling with the weight of unfinished conversations and unresolved feelings.

"Toji really gonna let her presence fuck his head up like this?" Sukuna thought, watching Toji retreat.

The decision was made in a heartbeat. With a deep breath, you turned the wheel sharply, the tires squealing in protest as you sped away from the shop and the ghosts of the past that lingered there.

As the distance between you and Toji grew, you fought to steady your trembling hands and quiet the storm of emotions raging within.

[delicatereviewtrash]

SPOLIERS FROM THE TITAN'S CURSE TO TRIALS OF APOLLO

okay I don't know if I even fully agree with this take of mine so bear with me

with the creative changes that the pjo show is bound to have, and though this is not likely to happen, I actually wanna see bianca di angelo die in the last olympian rather than in a titans curse.

dont get me wrong, her death is extremely crucial to nico di angelo's character development, and the introduction of his hubris. and the strained relationship between him and percy. but it can be taken in a different approach that still sort of follows this plot.

I think that bianca's power and status as a child of hades is taken lightly, and her dying because she was crushed, is tragic yet also maybe a cop out? I think that children of the big three are such interesting characters that should be explored even if they have an inevitable death within the story. as invincible as a forbidden child may seem, they are not immune to death. no matter how hard they try to avoid it (such as jason).

I understand that its meant to be tragic, but isn't seeing the struggle of these young children trying to survive and find their happy ending more appealing in a tv show? As well as showcases how the gods don't care for their children. not saying that I crave for these character's to go through even more hardship, but within the series it may be more interesting, and still at it's core be a tragedy.

instead of bianca dying, she just becomes lost. obviously the events of percy telling nico the news is the same. bianca and nico are constantly searching for each other through the battle of the labryinth. they know that they're alive, but for some reason can't meet. possibly cause of the gods distaste of hades, monsters, or luke receiving intel from camp half blood spies.

then we get to the last olympian where we get to a point where they both meet and they convince hades to fight in the war, things are looking pretty great. in the battle they both believe that they'll get through it alive, especially being children of hades, and that their dad is also fighting in the war. it almost seems that they are invincible. yet in the heat of the battle, bianca dies.

nico is upset with the gods, as nobody showed her favor, or saved her. not even their father. his idol couldn't even protect them, and the worst part is that it could not be prevented. she was always destined to be lost, she was meant to die on the quest from two years ago. and although it seemed that she was saved from that, being a child of death, thats not how the story goes.

idk y'all this seems like an interesting concept to me that can be adapted into the show, it can seem like a fanfic ik 😭 buttt if done right I think it could be pretty heartbreaking and great!

[cargopantsprentiss]

My favourite kind of Jemily (I think, right now) is JJ letting her life spiral out of her control, being with Will for so long because of Henry, because it’s what she ought to do, because it’s easy, whilst at the same time desperately wishing she’d made a different choice all those years ago. Jemily who have such a hold on eachother that even though nothing has ever happened and probably never will happen, it’s like some part of them is tied together in a way they can’t sever. The what ifs and what could have beens. JJ kissing Emily in Paris because the thought of never seeing her again, never getting that chance, is so painful it’s worth the risk. JJ with Will’s child growing inside of her, dropping everything to save Emily and to be with Emily as she settles into a new life. Her face being the last familiar one Emily sees. Breaking protocol to continue to stay in touch via an online scrabble game, because both their lives are falling apart and she needs it just as much as Emily does. She secretly likes that she’s lying to everyone because she likes the knowledge that only she knows where Emily is, that only she is tying this woman to her old life, and that’s selfish, but it also feels right. Emily coming back, and for a moment everything feeling right again, until she leaves, and JJ’s married to Will now because they have a child to keep safe and he almost died and thats what you do. So much of her marriage being about obligation and filling a specific role, keeping shit together for Henry in a way her parents couldn’t and didn’t after Ros. Her relationship with Emily turning strained because it has to because she can’t have both and it’s painful knowing that Emily had to leave again, that this time it was a choice, and one Emily took without talking to her about it. Acknowledging her role in that choice, too, in Emily needing to be able to make that choice after a time of having decisions made for her. Emily dropping everything the second JJ is in trouble, and JJ somehow, distantly, inherently knows that she has. The kidnapping bringing back all these painful, awful memories, but Emily being the one she sees saving her, not Will, not the team she still sees every day, but Emily, who she knows will save her just like she tried to save Emily. Her code being blackbird because she knows Emily will be there to figure it out, even though she’s been gone for years, knows that she’ll remember this one off hand conversation they had years ago and put the pieces together. JJ feeling that tug, that part of her that just knows Emily’s going to be there, that link that’s stretched across continents before and will do so again.

And somehow, when Emily comes back, that relationship faltering and not being able to be rebuilt quite the same and the torment of not knowing which in a long line of decisions was the cause of that. JJ lying awake at night next to Will, thinking about all the ways in which she’s a shitty wife and feeling guilty about feeling trapped in this life that from the outside looks perfect. Worrying about her boys. Worrying about the fact that she knows if she went back and had the chance to do it all over again, she can’t be sure she’d pick them. Even though they’re her whole heart, her reason for being. And the only way she can deal with that is to become cold towards Emily, to shut her off. To sever that link that has held them together for all these years. It doesn’t quite work, but neither does her marriage, and at least this way they’re balanced.

[cicadangel]

erm.! diary 12/4

hi i havent been online in a bit or written any diary entries recently bc well i was really depressed and then i just like forgot or whatever. but uhmmm life updates sorta/just how im doing right now.

i will start with the good news :-) i am not depressed! ive been feeling good pretty consistently for the past 2 weeks i think? ive been happy enough to be able to function normally and do all the stuff i need to do. also school swim started so i got to see my crush (the one i talked abt a bunch last year) and i actually need him so bad he's so fine i need him. not much has happened w him (in terms of moments or whatever) but it will soon trust!!!!!! also ive been feeling a bit more confident lately in terms of how i think guys percieve me so i hope maybe that will inspire me to make a move but probably not. oh well.

as for everything else. well. i have been having issues with that one bitch "friend" ofc hoping to hit her with a car sometime soon. but thats not rly new ig. i am kind of having issues too tho with one of my other friends bc he's being weird and annoying. recently hes been extremely sensitive abt just everything which is whatever except he won't tell me, he'll just get upset and try to get me to ask him if he's upset except i won't play that game ugghhhhh if u have a problem with me tell me bc i wont understand otherwise!!! i cannot possibly fathom what he's got wrong with him about me so im not even gonna try. if he wants to fix it he can use his words otherwise no bueno it is not happening!!!!

he's also been like. weird to me recently. we're in psychology class together and we're gonna be at the "abnormal behavior" unit soon (which is mental illnesses) and he keeps saying ohhhh we're almost at your unit we're almost there when it's like stop thats actually so annoying. i am abnormal and crazy but that's not ur place to say? i dont talk to my friends abt my mental illness struggles but i guess it is obvious there's smth wrong with me or whatever but it's just annoying. i will talk abt how im against involuntary commitment to psych wards and how sooooo many therapists only end up doing more harm than good and my problems with the whole mental health industry and the modern understanding of it bc it's smth im rly passionate abt, but he just brushes me off as if i dont have first hand experience with all of the terrible ways psychiatry and the mental health industry can fuck people up???? i also feel weird talking to him in general sometimes bc i know he'll bring me up to his therapist (because he constantly mentions it) and i feel like i cant talk to him bc he's gonna tell her and that just puts a weird strain on the relationship. like his therapist knows me, but just from his pov and that kinda weirds me out im ngl.

oh i also got in a fight w my mom today. actually we're still fighting. it was over something soooo insignificant but i got so overly angry like i always do and now im going to make it ruin the rest of my day because i am insufferable. she's just been really angering me lately also ive been feeling destructive which is complicated. i dont rly like the term "splitting" but it's def what ive been doing a lot lately. ugh. also i like dont know what to do with my bpd "diagnosis" it makes me angry and like i just have so many problems with it in so many ways REGARDLESS if i actually have it or whatever which i could talk abt for hours. in some ways it's nice to have a label for what ive been going through my whole life but in most ways i am like not too happy with the fact that ive been handed a disqualification from ever being upset again. if i am, it'll just be because im a crazy borderline! ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway. more on that whole mess later sorry

[m-joys]

Donnie x Anxious Mutant S/O

@bevkin :hi!! I just found your blog and I really like your writing with your hc!

I want to send in a request so I hope this is ok,, Can I request for a scenario with Donnie and a mutant s/o (gender neutral is ok) who's very quiet because they don't want to scare others, maybe they also have a scratching habit from the neck due to anxiety, they could be based on a reptile of some sort, I haven't seen alot of people with a mutant reader so I hope this is ok!

wordcount:

A/n: Did I stray away a bit?Yeah. Is it absolutely awfull? Not quite I would say.

---

Its been almost four years since you've met the turtles and even longer since you've last been in contact with other humans. Sudden mutation which disabled your abillity to live a normal life has taken a big toll on your somewhat already strained mental health. Along with trouble getting used to the new form of living, the building insecurities about your brand new look werent helping much.

Some of the weight has been lifted off of your shoulders since bonding with the turtles, majority of it being since you've gotten close to the purple nerd in a romantic way. Even while you have still been just friends, you've felt the most comfortable around him as he's shown you that you can lean on him whilst he respects your personal space and boundaries. He made sure that he and others listened and respected what you had to say even while your voice was the quitest in the room. Even when you didnt voice it, he still asked for and appreaciated your input on whatever the topic may be. What more, listening to you telling him your opinion on his hand crafted trinkets or future plans has been especially dear and enjoyable to him.

As a mutant himself, hes obviously very aware on how you may feel about your appearance and tries hardly to show you that it doesnt matter what people think as long as youre still your good-intentioed self. It goes in hand that hes noticed your scratching habbit and, while it does pain him to see your unhealthy coping mechanism, he tries to gently, almost secretly, approach it and help you without overwhelming you.

You have been sitting quietly on the pillow overflowed bed in his room thats convenietly connected to the lab. The two have been separated by just a heavy steel door that even Donatello himself sometimes has a hard time pushing. Its been two years of your blossoming relationship with the purple clad and it only came as natural to start sharing the same space and move into the same room.

While yes, you have gotten better over time generally, but the anxiety that followed you before your mutation was still present. Managing it has been for a great portion under control along with not letting it get to you too much, yet one thing you seem to not be able to get rid of is the constant scratching your neck had to endure out of habit. Already having tried things like fidgets, cutting your nails, taking deep breaths of which none had worked, you've quietly gave up on stopping it much to your lovers dismay.

This week, tho at first glance avarage, had many small slip-ups that have greatly builded up in a large, seemingly burning, pile of cripling nervousnes that takes control over you especially when you're alone with your own thoughts. Sitting in a uncomfortable positin with your knees thightly against your chest with your arms hugging them, cold sweat seemed to constantly drip down your forhead and under your oversized found clothing. Eyes pacing in all directions folowing your brain, your hand secretly found its way to your bruised and damaged neck. Anxiety blurring your thoughts enough as to pay no mind to your harmfull doing.

It wasnt your first time something like this happened, and you were certain it wasnt the last. Anxiety attacks have slowly exited your life over time as you've worked on your health, but now seemed that youre on the werge of choking on seemingly thick air which would allow heavy sobs to escape behind your eyes. Your state has made the world irrelevant and the only thing you could focus on are the blury sheets infront of you.

Not having noticed your partner entering the room, you jumped and almost winced at his sudden touch of pulling your hand away and pressing it on his lips. "Im here" he reassured as he sat himself behind you enough to lean you on his plastron whilst still holding your hand. Even tho your state has easen at the thought of him being there for you, your hand gripped and burried its nails into his as if its beinf restricted. He didnt mind if it meant you'll calm down.

Slowly turning you around so he could connect with you better, you instictively burried your face in his neck as to inhale his ever calming scent. Patting your back he moved your head so you could listen to his much slower heart beat as to help calm you down. You've been together for a while and there wasnt any issues, but sometimes he does whish you would be more vocal about what you needed and when you needed help but theres plenty of time to work on that as long as your willing.

"Its going to be okay, I"ll make sure its okay"

[kingprinceleo]

Hi, I just wanted to say that I am fascinated with your AU. I am looking forward for more story in the future (of if you can, pls dump on me anything you have in mind). I like your Shadow, he's such a grumpy boi :3

Anyway that's all, I'm here for the next content or thought ur gonna put out.

tytytytyty wahhhhHHHHHHHHH so uh uh, extra quick notes n stuff that i didnt fit into the main one?? -Because Shadow is locked away in his castle, he doesnt really know whats fully going on in the city. While his rule is strict, his own guard have used his absence to be full dictator and super police almost everything. He finds out about it post-ghost interaction and thats very swiftly dealt with because he is very angry w/ that. -He had become king at around year 375 and has been ever since. -Tails is the only one in the world who understands Eggmans tech because egg's been gone for so long. -Shadow keeps the chaos and Master Emeralds locked away down in his castle in a place only he can reach, the entire castle has this energy flowing through it. -The Ghost Gang occasionally watches from the afterlife, checking up on what Shadow and Tails are doing, watching shadow is pretty boring though, and sad ]:/

-When Eggman dies he makes the fun discovery that his robots had s o u l s and also went into the afterlife (for that good Metal content)

-Tails has coped entirely normally and hes living his best life -Shadow refuses to go Super -Shadow both tries to distance himself from everything that reminds him of his friends, but also clings onto every last shred of them: He has several monuments and statues dedicated to them throughout the city and in his castle, the ones in the castle have compartments where he can store things. He wont wear his rocket shoes, he wont race, he wont bake, wear any type of jewels. And his crown has a permanent resting spot at Rouges monument. -Tails is trying so hard to help this poor man but also Shadow doesnt want to let him leave. Tails isnt happy with that because he has his own friends and family -Theres a giant strain in Shadow and Tails relationship the more they interact because of his defensiveness and it leads to them fighting a lot. Though Post-Ghost they are on great terms again because Shadow finally starts getting better. (Him improving and going outside again is how he finds out about his corrupt guard force, he gets attacked by them while disguised and pulls a "i am the manager")

-I really like small signifying details, so the clasps on Shadows cape Pre-Ghost are diamond shaped, and Post-Ghost are circular. Also Pre-Ghost, his eyes are typically always at half lid.

-Because Shadow never had any self preservation, a long time ago Sonic gave him a promise ring, a promise to take care of himself. He wears it every day. A friend drew a tiny comic where the ring manifested itself on ghost sonic n i thought that was kinda goofy so i kept it -Shadow's chaos can come in 2 forms depending on his mental health, when he is unstable it becomes way more like electricity, wild and unpredicatble. When hes stable and healthy and in control its like a whispy fire kinda

[traekenimagines]

Hunting Season, Part Fifteen: A Theo Raeken Imagine

Request from Anon: hii! this is a request for the hunting season imagines! so theo and the reader go a long way back and sheriff stilinski puts them both in a cell together but then it turns to smut when she tries to slap him when he says something like "your a whore." if not, thats okay!

This one gets intense. Hope this is okay for you lovely, and enjoy x 

“Well, you’d just spread your legs for anyone anyway.”

Theo knew it was a low blow, but he was so angry he didn’t care. He had been perfectly content in a cell all by himself until Sheriff Stilinski had opened up the door, and thrown Y/N Y/L/N in there with him. He’d been avoiding her since he came back to Beacon Hills, knowing that he would lose his temper with her in a matter of minutes.

He knew her from his old life, and had been more than happy to see her go a few years back after the disaster that was their relationship ended. He hadn’t expected her to show up in Beacon Hills, hadn’t expected her to still look, well, like that.

As much as he wanted to hate her, he still couldn’t deny that he craved her. The swell of her breasts, the column of her neck, the slope of her body leading down to a core that he remembered the taste of, remembered how it felt around his cock.

They had been good together; the chimera and the girl with the wicked personality. But then she had ruined everything, letting what they had turned toxic when she let someone else kiss her.

She was always a troublemaker, his instincts had told him that from the beginning, but he hadn’t been able to stay away.

Being shoved in a cell together was possibly the worst thing that could have happened to Theo, especially when she had shown up in his dreams every night since he had been reunited with her, doing all manner of unholy things to him. Theo had tried his hardest not to think about those dreams, those visions that had him pleasuring himself at every opportunity.

But Y/N wasn’t helping, wearing those ridiculously short shorts, the neckline of her top revealing cleavage that Theo wanted nothing more than to bury his face in. So, he had resorted to insults, and it wasn’t long before those words had come out of his mouth.

A sharp sting hit his cheek as Y/N slapped him. Theo laughed, a cackle escaping his lips as he turned back to her. “There she is. There’s the Y/N I know.” The anger in her eyes was fuelling him, and he could feel his cock straining against his jeans. There had been such escapades only a few years ago, his handprint leaving marks over her body as they fucked. “Want to get another one in, just to make yourself feel better?”

As Y/N raised her hand again, ready to hit him, Theo caught her wrist, wrapping his fingers around it tight. He took a step closer to her, knowing that he needed to get his anger with her out of system, knowing there was only one way that would prove sufficient. He noticed how her breathing halted, how her eyes glazed over with a lust he hadn’t seen for years.

“Let go, Theo.”

“Or what?” His hand wrapped around her wrist, Theo backed Y/N into the bars of the cell, grinning when he heard her head hit the metal. For a moment, all he could hear was the sound of her breathing, all he could smell was the arousal emanating off her. And then, her lips devoured his.

Theo dropped her wrist, letting her wrap her arms around his neck as he kissed her. He had missed this, missed the fire that came with the touch of her lips against his. He invaded her mouth with his tongue as she opened up for him, trailing his hand down her body, unbuttoning those shorts, before using his fingers in the best way he knew.

“You’re so fucking tight,” he mumbled against her lips as she bucked her hips towards him. Her back arched as he curled his fingers inside her, a cry escaping her lips. “Do you see what you miss out on when you let other people fuck you?”

“I’ve never let anyone else fuck me,” Y/N’s words came out between breaths as Theo’s fingers continued to pump in and out of her. She shuddered around him as she came, and when Theo took his fingers out of her, she was eager to let him put them in her mouth.

“Sure you haven’t. But do you taste that, Y/N? Do you taste what only I can do to you?”

Theo almost buckled as Y/N took his hand and forced his fingers further into her mouth, her lips brushing his knuckles. For a moment, he was presented with a vision of her sucking at his cock, her hands gripping the base of him as she licked up either side, swallowing every last drop of him as he fucked her mouth.

He would have her doing that another time. Right now, he needed more than just her mouth.

He had remembered the feel of her against him as he’d fucked her with his fingers, remembered just how good it felt to come inside of her, to watch as the products of their releases mingled together. Those fingers still in her mouth, Theo used his other hand to unzip his jeans, to release his aching cock from its cloth prison. He removed his fingers from Y/N’s mouth, letting her pull her shorts and underwear down, her back still against those cell bars.

For a moment, he wished there were some handcuffs around, imagining just how much more fun it would be if she was in chains.

But there wasn’t time for that. Someone would be back to check on them soon, so he had to make this hard and fast.

Just the way he knew she liked it.

The moment Theo entered Y/N, he knew that ending things with her had been a mistake. No-one had felt this good since, and as obscenities spilled from her mouth, her fingers digging into his shoulders, he knew that she felt the same way. She begged him to go faster, to go harder, to bury himself inside of her.

Theo smiled. “I always aim to please.”

He sped up in his movements when he felt Y/N tense around him, her promises that she was coming filling the air. A long moan left her lips as she did exactly that, her head falling onto his shoulder. Theo followed suit, having forgotten what it felt like to come inside her, to feel himself spill into her pulsing core.

He remained inside her for a moment, not wanting to leave, not wanting to remove himself from her in case he never got the chance to be with her in this way again.

A kiss on his neck told him that his fears were misplaced. Y/N turning around, baring her ass to him as she gripped the prison bars, ready for him to fuck her again, told him that whatever happened, she would let him have her.

Theo was ready to take her again, ready to feel his cock slide in and out of her, ready to sink his teeth into her ass cheeks, when he heard the Sheriff re-entering the station. He zipped back up his jeans, gesturing for Y/N to get back into her clothes.

Whatever happened, he would fuck her again. He would make sure of that.

Hunting Season Masterlist

Masterlist

[mountainstogo]

2022

Finally back from the East coast. It was a nice time with family but Im so happy to be home and get back to routine.

So, now is the time for resolutions and for the first time maybe ever I don't really think I have any major fitness resolutions? I suppose maintaining my weight (~125lbs) will be my only real fitness goal. Running, working out and hiking have become such ingrained habits in my life I dont think I need a major goal to push myself to do those activities.

On the other hand, smoking has also been a major habit and Im ready to break it. I have been weed free so far for 2 of the 3 days in 2022! Its not much but I feel in control of the cravings and thats encouraging. I would still like to smoke occasionally so my goal is to keep it to 5 times or less a month for the first 6 months of the new year. I'll reevaluate my relationship with weed in June, maybe I'll be ready to give it up completely by then or maybe I'll break out of this dependency and it will no longer matter so much.

My other major goal and really the only thing that I think matters right now is graduating. This masters program has been the most stressful, challenging thing Ive ever done. Its taken a huge toll on my mental health, put me in a financial strain and has even affected my relationship. I need to be done. Im so so so hoping I can graduate in May, but realistically it might be an august graduation after the summer term. Either way I WILL BE DONE WITH THIS SHIT IN 2022.

And, lastly, I want to put more effort in my friendships. I'm such a shit texter and I avoid phone calls like the plague covid, but if I force myself to answer calls I almost always have a lovely time talking to my friends and feel so much better afterwards. So my last resolution will be to reach out more, call my friends, maybe even send a post card or two and try to remember details in their lives so I can follow up because I care and love these ppl so much.

[honiboyyoon]

The CEO’s Son (M)

Your relationship with your boss’ son was never one HR would approve of...

Pairings: Jungkook x reader

Word Count: almost 4k

Warnings: smut, dont let someone talk to you like this at your work, jungkook having a size kink

A/N: LITHEN rayan wrote a jungkook size kink blurb and lotte kook came for my fucking throat and im not sorry!!!! reni get the four loko,,, bete.., i inked

When you first landed this internship, you couldn’t believe how lucky you were. The internship was actually well paying, incredibly insightful to your field once you graduated university, and you would even go as far as to say-although incredibly nerdy of you- it was very fun. Overall this internship at Jeon Enterprises was a dream come true. It was almost too good to be true, and that’s because it was. The bane of your existence as of late was your boss’ overly flirtatious, pompous, and ridiculously attractive son. Jeon Jungkook. With his stupid shaggy hair, God you simutanilousy wanted to run your hands through it to sniff it but also shave it off his stupid head. Then there was his stupid face, and his stupid body. You didn’t think a guy in a suit could affect you as much as it did, but here you are, ogling him from your desk as he’s stopped at the water cooler. As if sensing your stare, Jungkook turns his head and you two briefly make eye contact before you redirected your gaze to your computer screen. Yes, pretend like you’re doing work, he definitely didn’t catch you staring at him. As if he could hear your thoughts, Jungkook saunters over to you with a shit eating smirk plastered onto his face. I would give up my employee discount to slap that right off you think to yourself.

“How do you get any work done when your staring at me all day, baby?” Jungkook coos, he’s leaning against your cubicle divider, and his crossed arms are pulling his already tight fitting shirt more taught against his muscles.

“How do you have so much money, yet still can’t find a shirt that’s actually your size?” Your tone is falsely sweet but it has Jungkook grinning wider.

“Y’been staring at my bod that much to notice huh, Y/N?” This is your relationship with your CEO’s shit head son. He flirts, you sass and flirt back, you go home insanely sexually frustrated, rinse and repeat.

Your thoughts are interrupted by one of your supervisors reminding everyone of a meeting in five minutes. Everyone around you slowly shuffles to the meeting room down the hall, and you get up from your chair and begin your way towards the boardroom when you hear a low whistle, “damn, have I ever told you that that’s my favourite skirt on you? Your ass looks amazing, babe” Jungkook is still resting against your cubicle, chin poised on the palm of his hand. Of course he didn’t have to go to the meeting, he was the CEO’s son.

“In your dreams” you’d be lying if you said your heart did beat a little faster when these exchanges occurred.

“Oh but we do!” he mockingly groans and grips harder onto your cubicle wall, “at least four or five times a night!”

You only answer back with a scoff and a shake of your head as you make your way down the hall.

Once the meeting has begun, your supervisor informs the interns that those that are the most promising and likely to be hired on once graduated, will be given more work, to better prepare them for what life is really like and Jeon Enterprises. After a few grumbles your supervisor assigns days to each one of you, stating that you will work a sort of “over-time”, to get you used to times of the year where the typical 9-5 just simply isn’t enough hours in the day. You’re assigned Tuesday nights, and will begin tonight. Forcing a smile on your face as you accept your that your plans tonight are now ruined, you thank your supervisor for the opportunity. It’s not until you’re walking back to your desk do you realize that you in fact, did not actually have plans anyways, you never really do, but the option to make plans is always nice to have.

As you near your desk you notice Jungkook is poised against your cubicle wall again, as if he never left.

“Are you stalking me now, Jeon?” You tut, a smirk finding itself on your lips without you even realizing it.

“Just wanted to make sure your seat was clean,” he pulls your chair back for you as if he’s an actual gentleman, as you sit down in it he comes around to the front of you and sits on the edge of your desk, “and this one of course.” He circles his face with his hand.

“Well, it’s good to know you at least recognize the importance of giving good oral when you have the world’s smallest dick.” You turn to your computer before you can see the dark look that flashes through Jungkook’s eyes. He leans down closer to your ear and quietly says, “oh, you have no idea.” And with that Jeon Jungkook leaves you with a tingling ear and damp panties.

It’s about ten minutes later when you hear a ping and see a message bar show up on the corner of your screen. Clicking the flashing bar, your heart does a little flip as once you see who the message is from.

Jeon Jungkook

8=========D

“What the fuck?” you chuckle under your breath, hands already typing a reply on their own accord.

Y/N L/N

Did you just send me a dick pic??

Y/N L/N

As an emoticon?

Jeon Jungkook

Big isn’t? ;)

He’s lost his fucking mind, you think to yourself. This is hilarious, but Jungkook has actually lost his mind.

Y/N L/N

I had to increase my screen zoom to see it, but its cute ig

After hitting send, you hear a dramatic “Ha!” from the direction of Jungkook’s desk before you hear another ping.

Jeon Jungkook

Remember that im the supervisor thats overseeing you on your overtime nights ;)

You didn’t, infact, remember that. But now you’re rubbing your thighs against each other trying to relieve some strain as your imagination begins to run wild of what it’d be like to be the only two people in the office.

Y/N L/N

fuck you

Jeon Jungkook

thats the plan baby

Oh my God.

Your relationship at the office has always been one HR wouldn’t approve of, you two always took things most would consider “too far” but it never lead to anything. You said shit like this to each other all the time, but this afternoon felt different. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it but something told you tonight may finally be the night you don’t have to go home and touch yourself thinking of your boss’ shit head son.

Two hours later, it was finally the end of the day and everyone was packing up to head home for the evening. Some of the other interns give you looks of pity before they leave, but you don’t feel an ounce of dread about having to stay late. Your mind keeps wandering to that stupid conversation with stupid Jungkook. You guys were always talking to each other like this, but now it felt different, and you couldn’t help the butterflies that started abusing your stomach.

It’s now half an hour since everyone’s gone home and you’ve continued to work through the extra load given to you for tonight, when suddenly a familiar ping sounds again. You subconsciously squeeze your thighs together when you read the message from none other than Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook

Come to the board room

You didn’t know what was louder, the squeak escaping your lips or your desk chair being pushed back as you abruptly stand up. You don’t dwell on that too much as you quickly make your way to the board room. You try to calm yourself down, you and Jungkook heavily flirted all the time, his dumbass probably broke the screen in the meeting room or something, yea, yea that’s it. Just because your last conversation was a bit more heated than usual and ended with him saying he wanted to fuck you, didn’t mean he was about to plow you in the board room.  You slow your walk as you get a few steps before the closed door. Quickly running your fingers through your hair to tame any stray hairs, you glance over your clothes before taking a deep breath, hand clutching the door handle. After a brief pep talk, you’re pushing through the door to find Jungkook sitting at the board table seemingly working on something on his laptop. As soon as you enter, he stops typing and leans back in his chair as that devilish smirk appears on his face again.

“Close the door behind you,” holy shit this was really happening, you were really about to fuck Jeon Jungkook, and in the office of all places. “Lock the door behind you” he’s racking his eyes up and down your figure, when they finally reach your eyes he says barely above a whisper, “only if you want to, that is.” Oh, holy shit. This was him giving you a way out, to get a sense of whether this was more than just back and forth flirting and banter, to see if you really wanted him.

With a speed you didn’t know you possessed, you locked the door behind you without breaking eye contact. Jungkook stands up from his chair and gestures for you to come closer, as you do you can feel a blush already heating up your cheeks.

“I’m surprised you wanted to have sex with me,” his voice is still a quiet whisper, and his hands are now at your waist, pulling you closer until you can feel the beginnings of his arousal through his pants, “y’know, with me having such a small dick and all.”

“Well…” lord, girl get it together, you’ve been dreaming about this since you started your internship, “that may be true, so I thought I should see how your much your oral makes up for it.”

He crushes his lips to yours before you have a chance to say anything else. The kiss is rough and hurried, clearly the several months long sexual frustration was mutual. He spins you around and grinds his hard on against your ass. You can’t help the few whimpers that escape you as he starts to suck at your neck, “gotta mark you up nice, huh baby? Can’t have anyone in the office trying to take what’s mine.” You shake your head in agreement as Jungkook pushes you forward so your hands are against the table and your ass is bent up, the sight has him groaning. No one’s ever really manhandled you like this, and it’s gotten you more worked up than you thought it would’ve.

“Fuck, I really do love this skirt on you, but I really want to see what’s underneath more.” Jungkook stops his aggressive groping to push your skirt up around your waist and you quickly dispose of your blouse and bra. Bending down, he places open mouth kisses along your ass cheek, as his hand continues to roughly grope the other one. The unoccupied hand is now rubbing you through your panties, and you feel like your about to loose it from all this pent up frustration.

“Please, Jungkook.” You beg, your voice already sounding strained and whiney.

“Please what baby? You need to tell me what you want,” you gasp as he applies even more pressure, “use your words.”

“I want your f-fingers, and your mouth. I want you to eat me out.” Your practically panting, and Jungkook’s erection is now painfully pushing against the fabric of his pants after hearing and seeing you so submissive, so different from your normally sassy attitude, and it make Jungkook want to wreck you. You only hear a low chuckle from Jungkook before one of his fingers is pushing past your underwear and straight into your wet heat. He doesn’t start off slow, he immediately starts to quickly finger you, your arousal already starts to drip down his hand as he harshly sucks on your clit.

“Such a pretty fucking pussy,” Jungkook coos, licking up your folds, “I guess since my dick is so small you only need one finger, huh?”

Before you can protest, Jungkook removes his finger from your pussy and begins to pull you back up so you’re now chest to chest. He runs his thumb along your bottom lip, and without having to be told you open your mouth and begin to suck on the digit. Jungkook chuckles at your submissiveness and switches his thumb out for the finger he used to finger you. He stares with such intensity at his finger disappearing behind your lips, that it only make you suck faster, harder.

“I really want to fuck your stupid little bratty mouth,” he’s almost mumbling to himself, but you continue sucking on his finger, this time he speaks louder, more controlled, “but I really just want to fuck your bratty little pussy already.” You’re furiously nodding your head, as he retracts his finger form your mouth. He’s roughly kissing you again, as he grabs underneath your thighs and sits you on the table. Your hands are roaming over each other, although his are much more dominating. He’s grabbing your hand and placing it over his clothed erection, and your mouth waters from the sheer size of his bulge. Jungkook, of course, notices this immediately and with great pleasure.

“What, not big enough for you, baby?” He’s taunting you because he knows he’s big, he’s fucking huge, and you can’t move your hands fast enough to unzip his pants. Jungkook’s hands are turning your hair into a makeshift ponytail when you pull his underwear down and his hard on practically smacks you in the face. Oh, holy shit. You never would have thought you would use this word to describe a dick, but Jeon Jungkook has a monster cock. You don’t have much time to dwell on this thought before Jungkook is tapping the tip of his dick against your cheek, and you’re now just realizing that your mouth had been agape since you first had your hand over his crotch.

“On second thought,” Jungkook tightens your hair in his hand, “I really do want to fuck this pretty mouth.” You manage out a whimper before he’s guiding his cock into your open mouth. You’re swallowing around his cock, trying to take him all in, but you’re only about half way down and there’s an obscene amount of spit seeping out of your mouth, and you’re about to run out of air. You pull away from his cock, desperately trying to fill your lungs, and you notice a trail of saliva connecting your mouth to the angry red head of his cock. Jungkook catches the trail as well, and he’s darkly huffs out a laugh as he grabs his dick to tap against your face again, “what? Can’t take it you stupid little brat?”

The degrading catches you a bit off guard and has you pouting back, “‘m not stupid.”

“Huh?” He taps his cock a bit harder against your cheek, “What was that baby I couldn’t quite hear you.”

“I’m not stupid!” You huff, your lips are spit slicked and pouting and your eyes are almost adorable when they look up at him. God he can’t wait to wreck you.

“Of course you’re not stupid baby,” Jungkook probably should’ve asked you want your kinks were beforehand, but he takes note that degradtion probably isn’t on that list for you, at least not yet. “You’re not stupid, no. You just can’t take my cock.” If you didn’t want him to fuck you so badly you would’ve smacked the shit eating grin right off his face, but you’re shaking your head furiously at him. “No, please fuck me Jungkook, please. I promise I can take it, I promise.” Jungkook could’ve blew his load just from finally hearing you be so submissive towards him after months of attitude. He kisses you again and he guides you to lay back on the table, hand guiding the tip of his dick to your heat. He doesn’t enter, just simply rubs the tip against your clit and you feel like you could explode.

“Think you can handle it, baby?” he whispers in your ear, and a quiet uh huh is his green light to enter you. All the dominating behaviour aside, Jungkook, much to your happiness, actually enters you slowly. He enters inch by inch, allowing your aching pussy time to adjust to his massive size. When he’s fully inside you, you both let out a pant and Jungkook waits for you to give him a signal to move. Although you teased him about having a small dick, you never really thought Jungkook did, but you never would’ve dreamed he was hiding a fucking python under his designer dress pants.

After a few moments, you feel relatively adjusted to his size. If you’re being honest with yourself, you don’t think you could ever fully adjust. But, nonetheless, you breathe out a soft move and bite Jungkook’s ear lobe. You both groan as he slowly pulls out, nearly all the way. He sets a moderate pace at first, and although your grateful due to his size, you’re honestly a bit surprised he isn’t rougher with you. As if sensing this, Jungkook smirks down at you, “need to get you a bit more adjusted, baby, can’t have me accidentally ripping you in half huh?” and that has you moaning out as he hoists your legs up higher and he plows into you. Honestly, you really do think he could rip you in half.

Your moans are pornographic as he fucks into you with such speed and power your eyes nearly roll into the back of your head. His chiseled muscular body is glistening so beautifully under the fluorescent office lights that you don’t even wonder when his shirt came off, but fuck you’re happy that it did. Your transfixed watching his ab muscles move as he fucks you. You don’t really know where to look, he’s just so hot. His shaggy sweaty hair dangling in front of his eyes, his half lidded eyes watching your tits bounce every time he fucks into you, his slightly parted mouth that occasional lets out a guttural moan. You’ve never felt so full in your life, and he’s just so hot and you just need more. When you voice this, Jungkook just smirks and wraps his arms around your legs to keep them parallel to his chest, and he’s fucking into you even harder.

“Fuuuck, your pussy’s so tight and wet for me baby, shit you’re hot.” Jungkook pants, and when his eyes drift down from watching your tits bouncing, that’s when he notices it. With every thrust, Jungkook can see a little bump come from the inside of your lower abdomen, and something inside him snaps. He’s fucking into you even harder now, and you’re nearly crying at how animalistic he’s being.

“Fuck baby, look at you. Your little pussy can barely take my cock, look at it sticking up inside of you.” He thrusts a little extra hard to really make his dick protrude and you’re nearly seeing stars. You couldn’t believe it. Jungkook was actually so big that his cock would poke up your belly. You’re nearly gushing around him at the revelation, and Jungkook just keeps fucking you nice and hard, his hips a rough stactoo against yours. He’s groaning and panting while he watches the bump come up with every thrust. “Shit baby, look at you, your bratty little pussy can barely handle my cock, it has no room for it. I bet you love my fat cock don’t you, baby? Huh?” His hand reaches forward to slap your bouncing tit, “You fucking love my huge dick don’t you?”

“Yes! Yes, I love your fat cock Jungkookie, please fuck me with your fat cock, I love it so much!” Your screaming, and you honestly don’t care if the late night office cleaners can hear you.

“Tell me how much you love it baby, c’mon, tell me how much you need my huge dick, tell me how big it is”

You don’t know if he’s being this rough because of your earlier comments about him having a small dick, or if it’s because he can visibly see that your pussy can barely handle the size of him but you don’t care either way. “It’s so fucking big Jungkook, you’re stretching me out so fucking good, baby oh my gosh.” You feel like you’re about to cum any minute now, and when you voice this Jungkook pulls out of you and flips you so your hands are on the table once again. You nearly scream when he enters you again, the pace just as brutal. His hands are now roughly gripping your ass cheeks, the occasional blow being delivered to them. He’s panting into your ear telling you how much a good girl you are for taking his cock so well, how he bets you won’t ever say his dick is small again, how he’s going to ruin your tight little pussy every Tuesday night in this board room. “You’re not going to be able to listen to a single thing they say during these meetings, your just going to be thinking about my huge cocking stretching you open.” You slip a hand down to play with your clit as Jungkook continues his assault on your pussy. You’re so close to almost hurts. “C’mon baby, show me what you look like when you cum, I wanna hear you” He delivers another smack to your now cherry red ass, “cum all over my huge cock, baby, c’mon.” A few more powerful thrusts and you’re coming harder than you ever had in your life. Jungkook follows quickly behind you, unloading onto your ass, moaning at the erotic sight.

You think you might’ve black out in all honesty, but the next thing you know, Jungkook is wiping his cum off your ass with a tissue and gathers you in your arms. Looking down at his now soft dick, you nearly laugh at the fact that, even when soft, Jungkook is above average size. Apparently you said that out loud, because now Jungkook is laughing as he hands you your clothes. You see him tuck your panties into his pocket and when you question it, he casually replies with, “you’ll just have to get them back next Tuesday.”

You definitely love this internship.

[gerberbabey]

cocaine | kiara carrera

madison bailey rlly met her gf ON TIKTOK, thats wild and now i see that my chances arent as low as i believe. anyways love that for them.

writing this made me so damn depressed. like if anyone would like to fall in love w me, im just here...chillin.

masterlist | cocain series: 2 | 3 

summary: Kiara falls in love with someone who isn’t willing to love anymore (story inspired by the mentioned song and this scene).

warnings: that gay shit, cursing, angst, underage drug use, underage drinking, mentions of dying, unrequited love?

♫ Cocaine by Pink Sweat$ ♫

Kooks could talk as much shit as they wanted but it didn’t exactly stop them from showing up at the boneyard for a kegger. They whined and complained about Pogues but still came around to the other side of the island because they knew they would have a good time.

“It’s like watching National Geographic,” Kie winced and you sputtered out a laugh, stumbling back as you tried to keep the water from dripping onto your clothes. There was a pocket of Kooks jumping around to the music, moving in a weird sort of unison that was both stiff and awkward.

“Ew,” Kie laughed as you leaned forward to spit out the water that you had been trying to drink. To be honest it wasn’t that funny of a comment but you were also high of your ass so everything was hilarious.

“I can’t breathe,” you huffed out and Kie had to hold you steady when you stumbled into her. You were laughing so hard that it was at that point where you weren’t even making any noise. She couldn’t stop herself from laughing because of how hard you were laughing.

“Oh my god (Y/N) it wasn’t even that funny!”

“Then why are you laughing?!”

“Because you’re laughing!”

The two of you burst out into another fit of giggles as you wrapped your arms around the girl, resting your head on her chest as she wrapped her arms around you and struggled to keep the two of you standing.

“Are you two ok?” Pope walked up to the two of you just as you stumbled into the sand in a laughing heap. You let out one giggled and took in a deep breath as you stared up at Pope, your head hazy and heavy.

“Chillin dude,” you drawled out and Pope shook his head before he helped the two of you up. Kia brushed off the sand from her curls and you gave an aggressive shake of your head as you brushed out the sand from hair at the same time. Kie let out a noise and Pope stepped back to avoid any sand flying at him.

When you stopped you stumbled to straighten up. Everything around you was moving fast and yet slow at the same time and you let out a laugh.

Kie couldn’t help but look at you with a dopey look on her face. She wished she could tell you just how much she loved you. The day Kie had realized she was in love with her best friend was a bit of a stressful one. Kie was a firm believer of the “No Pogue on Pogue macking rule”. Not only did she believe it would change everything if broken, she also didn’t want to have a reason to be tied down to the Outer Banks. She loved her friends, her family, and her life on the island but she knew she was capable of so much more. Deep down in her heart she knew that she was meant to travel the world. That the best way for her to succeed was to get out of the Outer Banks and into the world.

But then one day she looked into your eyes and knew she loved you. That she was in love with you.

You were friends with the Pogues before she’d joined the group but you were the first one she met. You met the rest of the Pogues through JJ, and then had integrated Kie into the group after you started working at The Wreck.

After the betrayal of Sarah Cameron and the pain she went through being ostracized by her entire school, meeting you and then the boys had been her saving grace. Sure you weren’t jumping to your feet to try and help baby sea turtles into the ocean, but you always listened to her. You understood her.

“I mean everyone’s freaking out about plastic straws but the cups are like...more plastic,” you added to her rant and she nodded enthusiastically.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying!”

She was pretty much convinced the two of you were soulmates the day you had played her a playlist that you made just for her.

Yet even though she was so head over heels in love there was too many reasons why she couldn’t tell you.

One of the biggest reasons was your lack of faith in love and relationships. Convincing you that falling in love and being in love was a good thing proved to be a difficult feat. You’d been hurt so much by the concept of love that you’d moved past the point of thinking you’d ever fall in love. You left it behind and believed wholeheartedly that it wasn’t something meant for you. You didn’t believe in marriage and didn’t believe that you would ever find that person. You’d stopped looking and that meant that you couldn’t and wouldn’t see Kie in the way she wished you would.

“Yo (Y/N)!”

You and your friends turned at that and Kie watched you grin as you ran up to the boy who called you. You jumped into his arms and Kie bit her lip.

“Dude! What the fuck is up?!” You yelled as the boy laughed and let you down. You were jumping around excitedly, “Yo when did you get home?”

“Yesterday.”

“Who’s that?” Kie asked JJ and the boy turned to look at what she was talking about.

“Huh? Oh that’s Quincy, he graduated last year I think? Went to the Navy or something, him and (Y/N) were really close.”

“Oh.”

Kie wondered why she never heard about Quincy.

“Kie!!!” You waved her over and Kie pushed down that weird feeling that was rising up and hid it with a smile. She moved to stand by you and tried not preen when you took her hand in yours, intertwining your fingers and holding on tight. She hoped that Quincy would conclude that she was yours. (You may not have been hers, but she was wholeheartedly yours).

“Kie this Quincy. He was my fuckin plug before he left,” you laughed and Quincy crossed his arms and gave you a look. Kie felt a little relieved but then thought about this.

“Didn’t you start smoking when you were like...in middle school?” Kie asked and Quincy laughed while you shrugged.

“Yeah, can you imagine how I felt seeing this 12 year old asking me if I sold?”

Kie tried not to cringe. You’d been smoking for way longer than she’d known you. Your tolerance surpassed JJ, likely because of your lack of tolerance breaks. Kie could argue that at least you’d only smoked weed and hadn’t dove into other, harder drugs. The one time you had, Kie nearly had a heart attack and the boys almost killed a boy for urging you to take it.

You’d told her once that you just really liked how being high made you feel. The strain you smoked made you feel relaxed. It eased your mind and your body.

You told her that you started smoking after your parents separated. They’d fallen out of love and decided that rather than being adults and dealing with their issues themselves, they’d put the weight and stress of their problems onto your shoulders. A year later you had decided you were going to quit because you’d fallen in love with your boyfriend of a year and a half. You nearly did stop getting high, but then your boyfriend broke up with you, didn’t tell you you why, and then ghosted you.

3 days later he’d posted about his new girlfriend (he’d reassured you nothing was going on between them when you were together. The time stamp of the filtered picture told you and everyone else otherwise).

Kie wanted to spite the people who’d led to the walls you built around your heart.

You had guided Kie and Quincy back over to the other Pogues and Kie couldn’t help but cling to you that night. She didn’t like Quincy’s familiarity with you. It was kind of childish really but it’d been a while since you’d looked eager to interact with anybody who weren’t the Pogues. Kie’s heart skipped a beat when she realized how absolutely ok you were with her holding and touching you.

“Hey...(Y/N)?”

“Hmm..?”

The two of you were laying in her bed. The kegger had ended some time ago and though the two of you would’ve usually stayed at the Chateau with the boys, she’d decided she wanted to spend the rest of her night alone with you. She’d appreciated Quincy taking the two of you to her house.

“You really don’t think you’re going to get married?” she questioned quietly and she watched you open your eyes and look into her own.

“Hm...Yeah. Probably not,” you told her honestly.

“Why not?”

“...I don’t know. I don’t think I’d want to commit to someone that much. Plus...I don’t think anyone would wanna commit to being with me either.”

Kie would.

“But what if someone loves you...so so much, but you just won’t open yourself up to them? Would you really risk losing that before you even know it?”

You stayed silent at that. This was something that constantly went through your mind. sometimes you thought about those “what if” moments constantly. What if you’d given that boy a chance? Would you be in love with him now? Would the two of you be happy?

Yet you also thought: but maybe the two of you would be miserable instead. Maybe it would just lead to more pain.

“I don’t know if I could deal with being hurt because of love again.”

“...Ok...”

The two of you eventually drifted off to sleep. Kie’s chest hurt but she dreamt about kissing you.

Kie sometimes wished that she could be the one to bring your heart out of its hiding place. She wanted to be the person that you were willing to finally love. She wanted you to toss aside the risk of getting hurt because she’d make it clear to you that she would never hurt you.

JJ had gotten too high once, and had told her that you and him sometimes went to the dock and just sat there in silence. That the two of you would allow your worries to ease just by being beside one another and that you both knew that even without talking, or venting, or even smoking, you understood how JJ felt and JJ understood how you felt.

Kie wanted that.

She wished she didn’t have to push so hard for you to feel comfort in her, but she would continue pushing nonetheless. Despite how close the two of you were as friends, vulnerable moments were rare with you. 

“Kie, I need you to leave this alone ok? It’s seriously not any of your business,” you’d tried to shake her off and she only became angrier. The boys had shuffled out of the room the moment you’d walked in with Kie yelling at you.

She had went to pick you up and caught you snorting a line of...something, in your room.

“None of my business!? I can’t just let you hurt yourself like this (Y/N)!”

“Kie you smoke with me! Fucking weed is killing me just as much as any other drug would! If you cared so much then don’t cherry pick what you decide to care about!”

“Don’t ever tell me how I feel!”

“God you’re not my fucking mom Kie, just stop!”

“No (Y/N)!”

You’d stormed off after that argument. Out of all the people in your life you thought Kie would be the last person the chastise you for anything you did. You thought she understood. Kie felt terrible when you didn’t come around to the Chateau or even talk to her and the Pogues for the rest of the day. Kie’s heart was in your hands and you were squeezing.

The next day, Kie had bursted into your room crying.

“You can’t be mad at me for just wanting you to be ok...” she sobbed and you held her tight to you. 

“I know Kie, I know. I’m sorry,” you mumbled into her hair before you gave her a kiss on the forehead. She pulled back to look at you and she took in the worried expression on your face. She was hyper aware of the feeling of your thumbs stroking her cheek. Kie shut her eyes and leaned forward to press her lips onto yours.

Her heart broke into a million pieces when you gasped and backed away.

“Oh my god...” Kie sobbed and stood from where the two of you had clung to each other on your bed, “I’m sorry-I just..I’m gonna go-” 

You couldn’t say a word as you watched Kie rush out of your room.

“Fuck!” she yelled before the door slammed shut.

part 2...?

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

@taiqrowweek

SINCE ALL THE FICS ARE SAD im going to go ahead and make a happy one. (Well... its bullet notes so maybe more of a fic outline?). Can be consider as Free Day or AU Day since its canon divergence

Ive been dying to see a Tai comes to Atlas fic so im making this one a reunion in Atlas fic

Qrow isnt in Atlas when Tai arrives. Hes out on a Amity Tower mission with Clover

Qrow and Clover are actually in the middle of flirting with each other when Qrow gets the call

Its Ruby and shes talking so fast Qrow cant understand a single thing. "Woah Ruby slow down. Whats going on" theres a deep gasping breath and then "DAD IS HERE. DAD IS IN ATLAS"

Qrow is stunned. Tai made it to Atlas?

Clover is thinking about how on Earth he could of gotten into the Kingdom.

Qrow finds out through Yang (she had to take Ruby's phone away since she wouldnt stop screaming) that the girls are waiting for Tai since Ironwood is having Winter personally escort him (Qrow figures that either he got arrested on arrival like they did or that Ironwood wants to know everything Tai knows about Salem despite being removed from the situation since STRQ fell apart)

Clover notifies him that they wont be able to get back to the city for another three hours, and then Qrow tells the girls, who are disappointed but tell him theyll "let Dad know when he gets here"

Most of the way back Clover is trying to get information out of Qrow about what Tai is like. Its both friendly small talk and adding to what Clover knows about this group of children + Qrow. The group is part of Ironwood's inner circle now which makes them important

Qrow briefly wonders how his reception will be. These days hes always the one coming to see Tai, and its 50-50 on if Tai's happy to see Qrow. Qrow considers running away from the encounter entirely but hes trying to be a better man now and that means sobriety and facing his problems. Besides he'll have to see Tai eventually

So lets backtrack a bit. Tai and Qrow used to be a thing wayyyy back in the day. Defining their romantic relationship is complicated. They tried dating before Tai ever got with Raven and it only lasted a few days because they realized the attraction was just sexual so they went back to being teammates who makeout when theyre drunk (thats how they decided to start dating in the first place). So through the early years they were Friends With Benefits. After the dark years of Raven and Summer they became Friends With Benefits That Only Get Together When Theyre Feeling Heartbroken. Its sad sex and half the time one of them is crying. Their friendship is good while the the girls are young. They disagree on a lot of things when it comes to the girls as they get older. That animosity plus arguments about Qrow's  espionage job plus Qrow's worsening alcoholism are the reason theyve drifted far apart today. Theyve still been through so much together so that history and Qrow's dedication to being a uncle are the only things holding their friendship together.

So anyways lets get to the good stuff. The reunion:

Tai is actually waiting for Qrow at the garage

The girls are with him because they missed him. Ruby has her arms around him while talking and Yang is standing besides them smiling

Qrow gets a little scared. The fact Tai is waiting for him doesnt bode well. Him and Tai try to have their disagreements when the girls arent present. Qrow thinks its fair to assume that Tai is so absolutely pissed at him that he cannot wait another moment to yell at him. Clover goes "i guess you wont have to hunt him down after all. He mustve really missed you all" and Qrow really hopes thats the reason

Qrow decides to break the ice before it forms by insulting Tai as he's getting out of the truck

"Two and a half continents away and i still cant escape the sight that is your hideous cargo pants" "says the man who's idea of fashion is a 25 year old ripped cape"

As soon as Qrow gets close enough Tai puts his hands on his shoulders, takes a deep breath, and yells "YOU GOT POISONED"

Turns out Tai was just worried about him after Ruby explained what happened on her trek through Mistral

After answering his questions they hug and its the kind of hug where you sway a little bit

For the next few hours Tai yells at Ruby for running away, Tai yells at Qrow for going sober and not telling him, and Qrow goes with Tai to meet Ironwood (and stop Ironwood from asking too many questions. Hes actually soley focused on Salem and he doesnt even ask Tai how he got through his military blockade)

That night in Qrow's room Tai explains to Qrow how he got there. He lied to the girls. Made up some story that had plenty of holes in it. It was Raven. She opened her portal to Yang as far away as she could and Tai landed there. She had come to him after Haven, told him a few things but clearly left most of it out. Tai managed to get her to promise to take him to the group whenever they got to Atlas and had adjusted.

He came for two reasons. 1) to see exactly how close his children were to Salem. 2) to see if he could protect his kids any way he could, knowing they wouldnt back out now. But the reason he was telling Qrow all this (instead of sticking to his if-it-involved-Raven-i-dont-talk-about-it mentality) was because of one of the few things she mentioned about Haven: the disowning.

Tai wanted him to know that despite all their problems that Qrow was still his family. Not because Raven is still legally married to Tai, not because hes Yang's blood uncle, but because Qrow has been apart of Tai's life and chosen family as far back as STRQ.

Qrow's felt like a outsider to Tai ever since (and every time) things got serious with whoever Tai's dating. Qrow felt like a third wheel when Tai was with Raven, and Qrow was to raw from the increasingly strained relationship with Raven to let go of Summer and Tai when they got together. And ever since Qrow has felt like he was there in Tai's life but no longer apart of it. Even after Tai recovered from his depression, Qrow felt like a visitor in the house he still considers his home despite being called "uncle".

And Tai knows Qrow broke ties with Tribe soon after Beacon, and Raven hadnt truely been his sister in 20 years, but to have what you known from literal birth taken from you still hurt. And now Tai knows Qrow isnt drinking so the only way he can cope is by not thinking about it.

So Tai had to tell Qrow what he meant to him

And when he found out about Tyrian he realized Qrow couldve died not knowing Tai still loves him

Tai ends up ranting about all the things he loves about Qrow, about how he regrets that almost every word said to Qrow in the last 15 years has been unkind

Qrow is now confused to if this is a fixing my mistakes kind of thing or a love confession

So he asks

And Tai gets a little sheepish because it was a fixing my mistakes because i love you thing but a little past halfway into his rant he realized hes IN love with Qrow and has been for a while now

And Qrow decides f it. Tai is doing his embarrassed thing Qrow still finds cute even now when theyre middle aged adults getting their first gray hairs. So Qrow gets up from the cheap academy table theyre sitting at and kisses Tai

"After the world stops ending do you wanna try that dating thing again?" "You think we'll make it past one week this time?" "I actually meant since you havent gone on a date in about 15 years." "Oh. Well im pretty sure you havent been on a proper date since Beacon" "Are you gonna take me on a proper date then?" "Yeah"

[junquisite]

Fated to love 2

PAIRING : Park Junhee X OC X Kim Wooseok

GENRE : Fluff, Angst

WORD COUNT : 2.9k

PARTS :  I+P  1  2

AUTHOR’S NOTE : From now on italics mean that its real but from a past moment, so memories are in italics, regular font means present.

Seungyoun joined Wooseok at the cafe he invited him to and wooseok scowled at the first words that left his friend’s mouth.

“So what did you fucked up now?” 

“I did no such thing.” Wooseok gritted out as he passed Seungyoun’s usual order towards him - Latte and a pastry while he sipped on his ice americano. He vaguely noticed how similar Seungyoun and Bora’s tastes are but then the both of them used to love going to different restaurants and cafes together so.

 “You only specifically call me for breakfast when you do something. And Bora has returned from swiss 2 weeks ago. Thats too long for you to not fuck up.” Seungyoun  concluded as he happily smiled at his visibly pissed friend.

Wooseok sighed and told Seugnyoun everything - from the party to the dinner he crashed. Seungyoun stared at him for far too long he was comfortable with so he fidgeted with his phone.

“I don't know if you intentionally do this but why do you act like an asshole to her when you love her?”

Wooseok sputtered a loose explanation about how it was not his fault but Seungyoun knew it was just his jealousy acting up - which knowing Wooseok, he would never accept. Seungoyun also pointedly noted how he didn't deny the part that he was in love with her and that was interesting. 

“Apologise to her Wooseok. You were too much.” Seungyoun finally said and Wooseok nodded - already planning on how to apologise to her.

~

“I am so sorry i had to call you both in so late! I wanted to meet for lunch but I had an important meeting, but thank you for making time to meet me at this time!” Junhee saw as she trailed off when she looked up and only saw him.

“Where is Donghun?” she asked and he nodded outside.

“He had an important call, he’ll be in soon.”  he said and she nodded and got back up from the crouching position she was in before with her back towards him which led to her rambling as she had done. 

There was an awkward silence in the office as she fumbled with the papers and he kept staring at her.

“Did Donghun say anything after you left?” she asked finally and he nodded in a negative.

“Why?”

“He's too smart to not figure out that we have known each other longer than meeting yesterday for the first time.” she remarked and Junhee shrugged.

“He figured you were the girl I met at switzerland. He wanted to know if I was uncomfortable working with you and wanted to cancel the collaboration.” he said and saw as her eyes widened, she really wanted this to happen.

“Oh..do you want to? Cancel it?” she asked softly and he wanted to go close to her, comfort her and promise her to even bring the stars if she asked for, this collaboration was nothing.

“No. we’ll move forward with it.”

She nodded and the room fell in silence again.

He saw her hesitate and sigh. “Why..did he think you would be uncomfortable with working with me?” she asked and he mentally debated if he should tell how he was when he got back. Finally he decided to come clean, she should know that he's here, and now in front of her.

“When i got back.. It was hard to concentrate on work - i  could only think of you. A girl i met in switzerland whom i knew nothing about more than that she lived in seoul and was returning a week after me. So the sunday you were supposed to come back, a day before i checked all the flights coming to seoul from swiss, even checked the ones who’ll have pit stops. There were 7 in total and I was ready to spend the whole day at the airport just to see you again. He stopped me.

He said something which made me listen to him and not come.”

He saw that she was staring at him wide-eyed, hanging on his every word.

“He said i left my contact number to her and she still hasn't texted me for the whole week. That i was just a vacation fling for her and meant nothing more then that and that i need to stop being dumb.” he finished.

He saw her flinch as he was talking but that was exactly what Donghun had told him. And she needed to know it too.

“I'm sorry  I was late, should we get started?” Donghun asked as he came in and the gloomy mood of the room slightly lifted as Bora gave him a strained smile. If Donghun noticed it, he didn't comment on it.

“I ordered us Sandwiches. I hope you both will like it.'' She said as she passed both of them Subway bags and Junhee took his, only to look inside and find a chocochip cookie which was missing from Donghun’s as he saw him emptying the content on the table.

He looked across at her to see she was avoiding his eyes.

“It's 3 am.” she said incredulously staring at him.

“You don't know the fun of eating Subway sandwiches at 3 am.” as he wrapped a scarf around her and pulled her outside her room. Junhee pulled a whiney Bora to the subway 5 minutes away from her Hotel and went to order 2 chicken sandwiches and ice tea.

“Cookie?” he asked her and she said no.

He came back with one chocochip cookie though.

“I love these. I sometimes feel like Subway chocochip cookies are the best ever in the world.” he said as he took a big bite of it and moaned in pleasure. She slapped his arm in between her laughs.

Junhee took a  bite of his cookie. She remembered it seemed. Now was it a good sign actually or not, he wondered.

~

Bora was tired and only craving her bed by the time she reached home. So she was not expecting any guest - and especially not Kim Wooseok. So when she saw him, a sigh involuntarily slipped through her mouth.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“I brought dinner.” he said as he showed her the bag he was holding. It was the restaurant she loved but it only took advance bookings and she was sure this was an impromptu visit so it meant he paid whoever had the chance to bring her food. She vaguely wondered how much he paid the person.

“How long have you been here?” she asked as she realised it was almost midnight - way past dinner time.

“A while.” he muttered and she sighed. It meant hours.

“Why didn't you wait inside? The code is the same as we set when we bought this.” she muttered as she walked past him to open the door and wave him inside.

“I didn't want to intrude.” he answered and she scoffed, turning around to stare at him.

“Why are you actually here Wooseok?” she asked and he looked away, clearly avoiding her eyes. She saw as his ear reddened and she raised an eyebrow.

“I wanted to apologise.. For the party and yesterday dinner too.” he muttered while looking down at the floor and she ran a hand through her hair. Her face softened.

“I have had dinner already.” she settled on as he looked up at her and nodded, slightly looking like a kicked puppy. “I’ll get going then. Goodnight.” he told her as he turned to leave.

“Wooseok..” she called his name and he turned around. He looked young but tired, like how they used to be when they used to have their finals and would spend nights living on energy drinks and coffees - no matter how cold their relationship had turned now and how much she hated his guts now- he was still her best friend that she has known since kindergarten.

“Stay.. i’ll sit with you while you eat. And you can sleep in the guest room.”

~

Bora woke up to the smell of fresh eggs and toast and coffee and if you ask her, that probably is what heavens smell like to her. She freshened up and then dragged herself to her kitchen to see Wooseok cooking her breakfast.

“Did you knew you had nothing in your refrigerator except for alcohol?” he asked her and she shrugged.

“I'm pretty sure there was coffee somewhere here.” she said vaguely pointing to her kitchen and he shook his head at her.

“I had to go out for grocery shopping to make you breakfast.” he said as he served her and she thanked him.

“Take whatever food is left to your house though, it’ll go bad here.” she said as Woosoek joined her in eating.

“Shouldn't you learn how to cook about now?” he asked her and she shrugged.

“I usually grab breakfast either at the office or the coffee shop in front of it. Or at the main house if i'm summoned. Plus there’s no one around to teach me to cook.'' She spoke the last part lowly and Wooseok felt his heart clench.

“You can always ask my mom, she would love to teach you.”

As soon as the words slipped his mouth, her head shot up to stare at him as if he grew out another head.

“She hates me Wooseok.” she said with such a painfully straight face that it made even him laugh.

Breakfast ended and she helped him with the dishes.

“I’ll get going now. I have to go home and get dressed too.” he said and she nodded as she walked him to the door.

“Bora..” he trailed off and she smiled at him and for a second he felt like they were back in highschool where she would happily follow him around, laughing with him and making him feel like he was at the top of the world.

“Seungyoun said everyone was meeting for meat and drinks today. You wanna join?”

She looked to be thinking, probably thinking of her schedule.

“Sure. i'm in. i haven't seen him and the guys in a long while too!” she agreed and he smiled. He was already imagining telling a cocky Seungyoun that not only he apologised but she also agreed for the night out - he couldn't wait to see the look on his best friend's face.

“And Wooseok..” her voice brought him out of his thoughts. “Next time you wanna grab dinner, tell me. If not a day before then at least an hour before. I'll clear my schedule for you.” she said with a smile and his heart skipped a beat. This was the Bora he fell in love with all those years ago.

~

She entered the Barbeque place and the smell hanging in the air reminded her of Highschool and University - when times were better she thought. Once inside, she made her way to the table with the loudest voices and found her friends- Wooseok and Seungwoo were the only silent and smiling ones at the table - the other three were the creators of the noise - Hangyul, Yohan and Seungyoun who all looked halfway drunk. She was only half an hour late from the decided time though.

She took a seat between Seungwoo and Wooseok as Seungyoun passed her a glass of beer.

“I literally just got here.”

“And you have to compensate for the half hour you’re late for.” Seungyoun cheekily said as he passed her a shot of Soju which she happily took. Seungwoo passed her a plate of snacks and she thanked him softly.

An hour passed with drinks and talks and taunts to Bora for not meeting the others more. But it was all good and Wooseok was slightly tipsy and Seungyoun was trying to sober him surprisingly. It was just that Seungyoun had a good alcohol tolerance and Wooseok did not. And drunk Wooseok is clingy as the hand wrapped around her waist and head leaning on her shoulder was reminding her. It was vaguely reminding her of how close they used to be before and suddenly the alcohol in her system felt too much and the restaurant felt suffocating. 

She suddenly stood up, Wooseok almost falling on the seat as he was leaning on her and she asked Seungwoo to move, mumbling about needing fresh air. She really needed some.

She was standing outside as the cold air blew and saw the time. A little over 11 pm, none of them will even consider going home before 1 and she sighed. She tugged out her pack of cigarettes and a lighter as she lit one. She wasn't an avid smoker - only smoking occasionally when stressed and the friendly dinner with old friends was leading into dangerous territories - from highschool memories to her and Wooseok almost dating to their sudden engagement. It was frustrating since she knew the reason behind all his attention on her now - he wanted to marry her.

“Fancy seeing you here.” she heard someone speak behind her and turned around to see a smiling Junhee coming to stand beside her. She wanted to scowl at his smiling face but also apologise for never texting him again. She hadn't been able to sleep much last night because she kept thinking about what Junhee had said.

“I didn't know you smoke.” he commented as she took a drag of it and let the smoke out.

“I don't usually. But a tough day makes me want to take one.” she said as she took another drag and Junhee turned around to leave.

“Wait, where are you going?” she asked as he looked behind at her, face unreadable.

“I can't stand the smoke.” he said as he turned and started walking towards the alleyway beside the restaurant. She looked at the cigarette in her hand. Cursing lowly, she threw it on the ground and stomped it with her heels as she walked after him.

“Wait for me!”

~

After making sure Wooseok was sober enough to not fall, Seungyoun got up to follow behind Bora. He had felt her getting uncomfortable by minute as they kept talking about her and Wooseok and he wanted to make sure she was fine. And also maybe not to be so disgusted by the fact that she was engaged to Wooseok now.

He walked out to see a man standing beside her and paused a little behind, making sure to hide himself but also hear what they were talking about.

“I didn't know you smoke.” the man commented and Seungyoun was surprised that he actually knew her.

“I don't usually. But a tough day makes me want to take one.” he felt guilty when she said that. Was she that uncomfortable with the idea of marrying Wooseok? Isn't she the same person who would blush whenever Wooseok said anything directly to her and literally told him in the morning that she would clear any schedule for him?

“Wait, where are you going?” he heard say and looked up to see the man turning to walk towards the side alleyway.

“I can't stand the smoke.” he said simply and Seungyoun sighed. It brought back memories of the many times anyone had ever told her to not smoke.

It started during University. A huge fight between Wooseok and her that no one ever found the reason for and she went out alone at night. Seungyoun had found himself opening the door of his apartment to a drunk Bora at 4 in the morning smelling strongly of alcohol and smoke.

Since then, she had smoked on multiple occasions followed by someone telling her not to and her retoriting with something.

“You should not smoke.” Seungwoo had told her and she had just shrugged in response, choosing to not smoke in his presence out of respect but not listening.

“The smoke bothers me.” Wooseok had complained once. With a cigarette between her lips, she walked to the door of the apartment and opened it for him saying, “feel free to leave.”

“Smoking kills you eventually.” Aerin had said.

“So does life at one point.” Bora had retorted.

“Can you stop smoking?” he had followed after Aerin who was snuggled in his arms.

“Shut up.” was the crude response he got as she laughed and he joined, taking the cigarette from her hand to take a drag himself.

So maybe he was not the best person but she also has never listened. So when Seungyoun saw her throwing the cigarette down and running after the guy, something dropped in his stomach.

He went back in and joined the others. 

“Where is she?” Wooseok asked and Seungyoun shrugged.

“Did not see her. Maybe she went in the side alley to smoke.” he said, not willing to put doubts in the head of a drunk Wooseok. But sober Wooseok has to know. She came about 20 minutes after Seungyoun had come back and the smile and the slight flush of her cheeks were bothering him a bit too much. So he decided he’ll give him some sort of warning at least.

That's Why Wooseok woke up the next day with a killer headache and a text awaiting on his phone from Seungyoun saying, ‘You should have a serious talk with Bora about the engagement.’

[i800anime]

— miss independent | tetsurō kuroo

pairing: kuroo x reader

genre: songfic / angst

wordcount : 1.6K

warnings: strained father & daughter relationship

tags: lonely!reader , fanon!kuroo , manager!reader

( uneditited )

𝘼𝙐𝙏𝙃𝙊𝙍𝙎 𝙉𝙊𝙏𝙀: this is my first time writing a fic like this or a fic on tumblr in general... please give positive feedback :)

. . . . . .

Miss independent

Miss self-sufficient

you were a second year, managing for the karasuno boys volleyball team. you were really close to all the boys plus the coaches, kiyoko and yachi.

kiyoko recruited you when yachi expresses stress over managing the team alone once kiyoko had left the following year.

you were pretty short and small, so when you’d take out the ball cart or try to wrap up the net, they’d offer to help. you just pushed them away, insisting you could do it yourself, and you didn’t need their help. and, you always accomplished it by yourself in record time.

this gained you the joking nickname of “miss independent”, within the first few weeks of managing.

Miss keep your distance

just like nishinoya and tanaka pined over kiyoko, a few of the boys from other teams tried to get with you numerous times.

you’d just sigh and wave your hand, walking the other direction. a protective nishinoya and tanaka ( and even sometimes daichi if the rival teams were bothering you too much ) would come up behind you, blocking their view of you and warning them to leave you alone.

you’d never had a boyfriend in the past, or a fling, or any type of talking phase. this was because of the fact you liked to keep your distance from others, not keen to the idea of letting anyone in on a whim.

Miss unafraid

it was the day of the practice match against against aoba johsai. the boys were all a bit worried, as it was a powerhouse. but you weren’t as worried because now they they didn’t have their setter and captain, oikawa; who everyone called king of the court.

you were at the vending machine buying milk and water for kageyama and hinata when you heard a voice behind you.

“well hello, i haven’t seen you before,”

you rolled your eyes and turned to face the voice, realizing it was indeed oikawa. you’d guessed he’d arrived during the last few minutes of the game. you looked up at him and crossed your arms.

“yeah, maybe that’s a good thing.” you grabbed your drinks from the machine, not missing the wide eyes from all his fan girls and even a few of his teammates.

no one, had ever turned down oikawa.

but here you were, a second year karasuno manager, turning your back on him like he didn’t exist.

Miss out of my way

Miss don't let a man interfere, no

“i-..” he chucked in disbelief. “i must've not heard you correctly. he reached to grab the bag on your shoulder. “here i’ll carry it for you.”

you yanked your shoulder back and stuck your nose up.

“oy shittykawa, out of my way.”

the boy was so shocked that he moved, as you walked back to the gym to your team.

Miss on her own

Miss almost grown

as a second year, you were obviously preparing for university. you worked at the local grocery store and were saving up to buy yourself an apartment as soon as you graduated. your peers always talked about how mature and ‘grown’ you acted, always looking froward to the future.

Miss never let a man help her off her throne

when you arrived back at the gym, you walked down the bleachers with milk and water in your hands, along with your managers clipboard you’d taken out your bag.

seeing you, hinata and kageyama rushed over, wanting their drinks. nishinoya and tanaka also rushed over, trying to aid you in coming down the steps. you waved them off, insisting you could do it alone; as usual.

So, by keeping her heart protected

She'd never ever feel rejected

you tried to tell yourself the reason you didn’t want a boyfriend was because you were focused on life, but that wasn’t the case. the strained relationship between you and your dad, as well as not wanting to get your heart broken were the reasons that always lingered in your mind.

your father was never there for you, always telling you that there were people a thousand times better at everything you did. even the things you were most passionate about and put the most time into. you never wanted to feel so rejected by another person; especially a man, so, you swore them off.

Little miss apprehensive

all your close friends tried telling you that not every man is her father, and not everyone is out to get her. but the pride she has keeps her from believing that, not wanting to be vulnerable.

Said ooh, she fell in love

after karasuno had beat aoba johsai, you’d excused yourself from the gym, the loud cheering of the guys overwhelming you. you were looking down at your phone as an anxiety coping mechanism, when you suddenly bumped into someone’s back.

“hey, watch where you’re-“

“oy, learn to watch-“

you both said at the same time making you narrow your eyes. you looked up just enough to see a red jacket.

‘nekoma high,’ you though to yourself.

you looked up about to tell the guy off, just as he turned to face you.

the words were taken out of your mouth as your eyes locked with hazel ones.

“i- uh...”

“you...?” he raised his eyebrow at you.

you swallowed and found your words again.

“you bumped into me.”

the boy scoffed and crossed his arms.

“actually, you bumped into me.”

What is this feelin' takin' over?

you were standing in front of him silent, never have being this dumbfounded before. as you opened your mouth, you heard a familiar voice call your name.

and soon enough the orange haired boy was next to you, looking up at the guy in front of you with a smile.

“kuroo, long time no see!”

‘so that’s his name..’ you continued to examine him as he talked to hinata.

you were pulled out of your thoughts by a chuckle.

“you gonna keep staring or are you gonna introduce yourself?”

“i’m y/l/n-..”

“she’s our manager!” hinata cut you off with a grin.

“oh so you’re the cute new karasuno manager everyone’s been talking about,” he looked over you with a smirk, and you felt heat rise to your cheeks.

“y/l/n, you’re blushing! i’ve never seen you blush before-“

you grabbed hinata by the shirt and dragged him off so he couldn’t say anything more, but not before catching a glimpse of kuroo winking at you.

Thinkin' no one could open her door

Surprise, It's time

To feel what's real

you ran back to the bus, out of breath once you ran on. the boys shot you confused looks as you just sat in your seat, covering your blushing face.

“y/l/n... are you okay?” daichi asked from the seat across from you.

“yeah i’m good,” you lied with a smile, putting in your headphones.

on the ride home, you began to question everything you knew. what was the fluttering feeling as you were talking to him? why did you blush? why weren’t you able to speak?

What happened to Miss Independent?

a few weeks had passed, and it was time for the summer training camp. the guys were excited to get in some practice, and you and the other managers were excited to see them improve.

you got off the bus after yachi, adjusting your bag on your shoulder, and held your clipboard in your hands.

fukurōdani academy, ubugawa high, shinzen high and nekoma high were supposed to be attending.

your bag on your shoulder started to slip a bit, and you reached to grab it, but it fell. letting out a groan, you bent down; only to be met with another hand reaching for it as well.

you were met with the same hazel eyes from a few weeks ago, and you stiffened immediately.

“i got it,” you managed to let out, but he grabbed the bag before you could.

“no, you’re obviously struggling, i got it.” he smiled and stood up, helping you to your feet.

“thank you,” you smiled shyly, following the boy inside.

the boys stood there confused, watching you walk with him.

“you guys are gonna catch flies if you don’t close your mouths!” bokuto said, appearing next to them.

“dude.. she never lets anyone carry her shit..” nishinoya said, looking up at tanaka.

“are we sure thats y/l/n?” daichi asks, raising an eyebrow.

No longer need to be defensive

a few months had passed, and to everyone’s ( including your own ) surprise, you and kuroo started dating.

it was like a schoolgirl love to you, sneaking kisses at at games, him taking you on lunch dates, the karasuno boys yelling at you when you wore his jersey, and your friends loving him.

he never failed to be there for you, and tell you how much he loved you, knowing you needed a lot of reassurance. you two clicked so fast that you were hanging out with him and nekoma more than karasuno.

....

“babeee,” he whined as you continued to ignore him.

“what kuroo.” the boy winced at the use of his last name, which you only used when you were mad or upset.

“all i did was say hi to her! she was a fan in the stands that’s all.” you huffed and turned to face him, crossing your arms. “i only have eyes for you my love. you don’t have to worry.” he said softly, wrapping his arms around you.

you smiled at the sentence, melting into his hug.

“you promise?” you asked, the ache in your chest subsiding.

“i promise.” he kissed your forehead and rocked the two of you back and forth gently.

‘maybe they were right..’ you thought. ‘not all men are like him.’

Goodbye, old you

When love is true.

[lillupon]

So, I've got a very long rant/opinion here and Idk really know how to say this without coming off kinda bad but I'm gonna say it anyways. I agree with the fact that the seventeen tag has been kinda dry lately on most fanfic places, but it's really only in the smut area. It's the sane way with other groups too I feel like. All of the nice little innocent tags are boomin to this day and thats completely fine. I think the smut tag is dry tho bc lately I feel like a few social issues (like sexualizing people and disrespecting them and their identity) have crossed over into kpop and have been ?blown out of proportion? Lately there's been a rampage of people who like to say that writing smut about someone is disgusting and is dehumanizing because people want to assume that it would make the idols uncomfortable which could equate to some morality issues on how you are reducing someone only to their body without their consent and a bunch of stuff like that. It kind of pisses me off bc this is fiction. About grown adults. Clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life. I think a shit ton is wrong with the world we currently live in, and deciding to come after something that isn't even real bothers me. Like what does that actually accomplish. But yeah, I think thats a reason why smut has been dying down. I mean, on youtube almost every video about unpopular opinions, or things they dont like about kpop will include something about shipping idols in fanfics. And then everyone in the comment section will talk about how its all fine and dandy in moderation, but once people start writing smut it's crossing the idols personal boundaries. It's something I've been seeing a lot more often and I think people who are interested in writing smut are being turned away from it bc we've gotten to a point where people are being called disgusting for having fantasies.

Hi Anon, thank you for sending in this Ask. 

I want to preface this by saying: when I write or talk about Mingyu and Wonwoo fucking on my blog, it is a fantasy. I am not speculating about what the real Mingyu and Wonwoo might be like in bed. I am imagining the versions of Mingyu and Wonwoo that I have created in my head, that exist only in my stories. None of it is real. I understand that this can be a blurry boundary for some people. But for me, the separation between fantasy and reality is well-defined. Now, on to your Ask!

You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. You’ve also touched on many of the issues I have been struggling with myself as of late. It’s difficult to argue about morals since everyone has a different set of values, as well as different comfort levels. Some people think real person fiction (RPF) is a gross invasion of privacy. Others are fine with it. And others don’t care one way or another. There is no single answer; I can only offer my answer. Which means, of course, people are welcome to disagree with it, or parts of it. 

In this essay (LOL But forreal: this is an essay), I will be sharing my experience in the k-pop fanfic community from 2014 to present, the etiquette I personally abide by as a reader and writer of RPF, as well as my stance on RPF in general.

I started reading and posting fanfics back in 2014/2015 on a website called AsianFanfics (AFF). Obviously, no one on that site had a problem with RPF, since AFF is a platform made specifically for sharing stories about Asian celebrities. For many years, I read and enjoyed RPF with zero guilt. I scribbled away by myself in my own corner of fandom and curated my own content. I didn’t interact much with other fans, readers, or writers. I didn’t have a Twitter, and I only used tumblr to reblog memes. As a result, I’ve been able to avoid a lot of anti-shipping discourse, as well as purity and cancel culture. I had no idea there were so many negative opinions about RPF. It wasn’t until I became active on the subreddit r/Fanfiction last year that I learned about all the discourse surrounding RPF. 

This newfound ‘awareness’ does make me feel guilty at times—but only because after mulling this over, I still don’t think this is something to feel guilty about.

Here’s what I remember, first and foremost, when I create and consume RPF: fanfics and my favourite ships are fictional, and fiction is fantasy. This is basic etiquette when it comes to RPF, and most people in the k-pop fandom understand this. Delusional fans exist, of course, but they are not representative of the entire k-pop community. 

Another point of etiquette is to keep fanfics within fandom spaces. I would never push my fics into celebrities’ faces, or go around claiming that my fanfics are accurate representations of a k-idol’s life or personality, in any way, shape, or form. I would also discourage directing ship-related questions to official accounts, or bringing them up during fansigns or other face-to-face interactions; I believe that in these instances, shipping does have the potential to strain real-life relationships.

So with basic etiquette out of the way, let me share my approach to RPF in general.

As much as we like to think we know our favourite celebrities, we really don’t. All we see is their public persona. And this public persona is intentionally controlled, managed, and curated by a team of people: directors, tabloids, editors, makeup artists, publicists, etc. How “real” are these celebrities? We are so distanced from them that they may as well be fictional.

I draw from the public persona that idols project, and I work them into my own writing. But at the end of the day, these personalities are my own interpretation. My interpretation is probably nothing like an idol’s actual personality. I just use the “public persona/character” that idols portray as inspiration for my own stories, which are set in wildly different universes.

More than anything, I think of k-pop idols as “actors” in my fic. You know how when you write an original novel, you scroll through Google images, looking for the perfect person to portray your original character? RPF is literally that, except you might build upon pre-existing dynamics and personalities.

When it comes to explicit fanfiction, two main concerns are prevalent: one of consent, and one of sexualisation.

If we argue against explicit RPF due to lack of consent, we should be willing to apply the same lens to all explicit works. How do we know that the creator of a movie, book, series, etc., is okay with us using their characters in our stories, explicit or not? We don’t. Perhaps some creators encourage fanfiction, but don’t want their lovingly crafted characters engaging in sexual acts or experiencing trauma. We just don’t know. I feel this line is even more blurred when we talk about characters from movies or TV series.

Let’s take Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, as portrayed by Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, from the Captain America movies as an example. I am willing to bet that when people consume and create explicit fanfiction about Steve and Bucky, they are imagining Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan in their heads. I doubt many people are imagining the 2D cartoon versions of Steve and Bucky, even though they’re technically the exact same characters. Why? Well, it could be because movies are more readily and easily consumed than comics, and so people are unfamiliar with comic book Steve and Bucky. But it might also be because fans find Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan attractive. Is this really any different from RPF, where fic authors make up everything about a celebrity’s life?  

When readers and writers of fanfic talk about how hot Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes is, those comments are about Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan’s bodies. When reading explicit stories, fans are going to picture Chris and Sebastian’s bodies in their head, doing sexual things. Can we say, “Well, it’s not really you, Chris/Sebastian”, when in a way, it is?

The reality is, people are going to thirst over celebrities, regardless of whether or not explicit fanfiction exists. They’re going to post thirst tweets on Twitter. They’re going to talk to friends and strangers online about how hot [insert celebrity name here] is. They’re going to fantasize about dating and having sex with their favourite celebrity. Or, as it is in my case, they’re going to make up stories in their heads about their favourite idols dating and banging each other. People are going to do all of this without ‘getting consent’ from the celebrity. Cracking down upon and shaming writers of RPF isn’t going to change any of that.

To be honest, I’m not sure why people think it is disgusting to imagine sexual scenarios about real people. It is okay and normal to have these kinds of fantasies. I suppose the alternative is to fantasise about having sex with cartoon characters instead? It’s a very binary way of thinking to say that if you imagine/write real people in explicit scenarios, you are immediately sexualising, dehumanising, or objectifying them. There is more to dehumanisation than writing smut about our favourite celebrities. For one thing, you can love someone and appreciate all parts of them, and still want to fuck their brains out. And generally, fanfics come from a place of love—love that is not only sexual in nature.

Is it the sharing aspect inherent to fanfiction? The possibility that a celebrity might stumble upon explicit works about them? The chances are very low, I think, of the k-pop idols I enjoy writing about coming across my English fics. But I also believe in curating your own content, and that applies to celebrities too. Perhaps a celebrity should not go searching for fanfics about themselves. And of course, people should not show celebrities their fanfics, unless invited.

Another argument I hear against (explicit) RPF is, “How would you feel if someone wrote fanfiction about you?” First off, I don’t like this argument because there’s a difference between someone who decides to be a public figure versus someone who decides to remain a regular private citizen. Celebrities should and do know what they’re getting into when they choose their occupation. (This is not to say, “They are celebrities; sexualise them all you want because that’s what they signed up for.” Here, I am only acknowledging that people might have sexual fantasies about celebrities they are attracted to. Presumably, celebrities are cognizant of this.)  

If someone (whose existence I am not even aware of, mind you) decides they want to write explicit fanfiction of me in some tiny corner of the Internet, I wouldn’t care so long as: (1) they don’t shove it into my face, and (2) they don’t harass me and ask invasive questions about my personal life and relationships. It’s not hurting me or negatively affecting my life, so it wouldn’t even register as a blip on my radar. When fanfiction remains within its appropriate spaces, it is largely harmless. 

Now, if a k-pop idol were to ask their fans to stop writing fanfiction about them, would I? Yes, I would. However, I can’t imagine that happening. Judging by the number of ‘sexy’ concepts, fanservice moments, and variety shows such as ‘We Got Married’, I am certain that k-pop idols realise they are the stars of many fantasies—some of which are explicit in nature. Considering the prevalence of shipping in the k-pop industry, I would argue that shipping is subtly encouraged.

It’s sad that so many talented writers are shamed out of fandom, or feel that k-pop cannot be the medium through which they tell their stories, or explore their sexuality, or cope with trauma, or simply have fun. Professional works and Hollywood love their RPF—readers and writers of fanfics should be able to, as well. 

As you said Anon, “clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life” (this is a lovely sentence, by the way). The kind of person who dehumanises another and reduces them to a sexual object will do so some other way, if not via fanfiction. I don’t think the issue of fetishisation can be fixed simply by telling people not to write explicit RPF. In my experience, people who read and write RPF are more respectful and thoughtful about these things than the general public. We’ve all seen the general public say highly sexual things about celebrities in the media and to their faces, or tag celebrities in their thirst tweets. Are these things less invasive than fanfiction? Personally, I don’t think so. And in my opinion, there are more pressing and damaging issues in stan culture than fanfic.

In conclusion, I don’t think there is anything wrong with creating and consuming RPF, both explicit and non-explicit so long as we:

Remember we are writing fiction

Keep RPF within its appropriate space, and

Do not harass celebrities about their personal lives and relationships

RPF is not for everyone. There may be people who enjoy RPF, but draw the line at explicit stories. This is fine. Everyone has their own personal preferences. What is not fine, however, is attacking people for creating things you don’t like. I’m not sure what kind of moral crusade people are on and what they hope to achieve by shaming writers of RPF, explicit or otherwise. Ultimately, fic authors are writing a fantasy. It’s not real; no one is being hurt. I think it’s important for people to curate their own content, and AO3 makes it very easy to filter out explicit works and unwanted tags. 

Maybe this is me trying to justify my own participation in explicit RPF—I don’t know. What I do know is that I love k-pop, and fandom is an important part of my media and entertainment experience. I adore the k-pop idols I write about, and I just want to imagine them being happy and getting lots of love and orgasms. Let a bitch be horny, goddamn… 

Some bonus fun facts!

At the time I am writing this, on AO3:

26.2% of Stray Kids fanfics are rated M or E

26.3% of Seventeen fanfics are rated M or E

29.0% of Merlin fanfics are rated M or E

34.9% of Captain America (Movies) fanfics are rated M or E

40.1% of BTS fanfics are rated M or E ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Coincidentally, I saw this post on Reddit this morning: Can we have a RPF positivity post?

[phoenix-before-the-flame]

Ok so, story time.

For the past 7 years i've been living in a fairly hellish situation.

The house i was living in was a family house from my father's side and he moved us over to it after he and my mother decided to try and get back together. Which was a terrible decision. (Their relationship was always trash but thats a different stoey)

The house to put it simply was trash. My room flooded anytime it rained too hard, there was a rat and roach problem no matter how many times it was fumigated. The roof leaked to the point where the living room would flood as well. But we were broke af and really had no choice in places to go

Also at the family house lived his mother. Truly, a terrible woman. Only person i ever wished ill upon.

About a year or 2 after living there, my mum, sister and I had to pay rent. A decision made between my father and his mother without telling us, despite him being so insistent on us all moving in together to be a family. This coupled with the other bills (his mother made an awful habit to 'forget' to pay the bills so often times mum would have to foot it) crippled us financially for years so even at points we wanted to leave we couldn't.

Between that and my parents' failing relationship it put one hell of a strain on things and left everyone bitter and almost always fighting. What really made everything worse though, was the psychological torment.

My father's mother was,,,,,i don't even think i can describe how awful she was. She was just evil. ( we think she poisoned her dog so like, that evil)

She accused my sister of stealing from her.

She tried to slander our names to the neighbours about how me and my sister were bringing guys home.

Attempted to soak me with the hose a handful of times.

Tried to lie that my mum would short the rent.

Lock the gates on us randomly when we went out.

Would randomly turn off the water to the section of the house we were in

Stop our mail

(It should also be noted that my bedroom was located next to the washroom and she would choose to do laundry at random points multiple times a week in the early morning to wake me up)

She did everything in her power to try and fuck with us.

And then last month she decided to evict us, for no plausible reason. And with no word from my father on this (he's been MIA for about 6 months. Legit no communication), we were basically fucked.

But as luck would have it, after 7 years, an opportunity opened up. We somehow managed to find a place through one of my mother's friends to live at and my sister through her job got a loan to buy it.

And we're finally free.

I've been in the dark for the past couple of days on here cause i've been cleaning out the new place.

It's hot af to be honest, there's a shitton of mosquitos here, and i'm still jobless for the most part.

But i haven't been this happy in such a long time.