#the background was fun and everything but it was missing SUM. i gave up

[ashipiko]

😔 acey gotta keep better track of his cherry pie……

[greysfall]

My 4444-word review of NEO TWEWY (with personal illustration + heavy spoilers)

My overall critical score for the game is 7.5/10, while my personal enjoyment score is 8.5/10. This review is posted as I have 80% completed the game, got the secret ending and achieved the Angel psychic rank. I’ll first start with the main pros and cons as follows.

PROS:

-        Enjoyable as a whole, still upholding the first game’s spirit in world building and sharing the same backbone - which was mostly revealed in the Secret Reports, it’s impossible to grasp the story without reading them.

-        The new cast and new game is charming in their own way

-        The old cast’s return is one of the biggest highlights for sure, it was fun and impactful. Everyone stays true to themselves and also had their own stories wrapped up nicely.

-        Boss designs are cool, new pins are fun to use and collect

-        The connection between the old and new cast is well written and executed, including but are not limited to the tension between the old and new protagonist, the weird but fun interaction between the 2 Composers, the new friendships revealed and formed

-        Sho being in the main cast is something so uniquely TWEWY and uniquely Sho

-        Still good music

-        Still many fun side quests, some of them really uphold the same quirky spirit of the old game and some are surprisingly touching

-        Many new nice stores and yummy looking foods to explore

-        The map is really easy to memorize for me, it’s fun to travel around the “current” Shibuya to see all the differences compared to the past

-        The social network is crazy and interesting to read through

-        Has an anti-frustration system to help 100% complete the game more easily and earn money faster, so post-game is relatively managable.

-        Overall, I really feel the efforts the team poured into making this as their passion project, not just during the development process but for all the last 14 years. They showed the vision of what they wanted to make, at the same time giving something to both the old as well as new fans.

CONS:

-        The biggest problem with the game is scenario writing. The story is so heavily back-loaded. The director himself thought it would be better to balance out the tension flow by adding more at the beginning but gave in to the scenario writer in the end, probably due to time pressure. This results in an underwhelming execution of characterization and lots of wasted potentials for the first half of the game.  

-        I struggle to view it as a stand-alone game, since the backstory and the old cast both play such an important role in the core of the game. If someone plays this game without having played the OG, they can only enjoy it on surface value at best.

-        The new cast is nice but most of them aren’t quite as intriguing as the old cast, maybe it’s cuz they’re all too nice deep down that they lack a little bit of an edge, of that batshit craziness that everyone in the OG used to have? I think some characters (Fret, Nagi) ended up weaker in terms of characterization because the writer is too afraid of making them unlikeable – which kind of backlashed cuz they only became likable in the most expectable way to cater for a specific group of fans. I would have wished for the other team leaders to be more crazy too, had they not suffered 30+ loops of the Game…

-        The CAMERAWORK IS HELL.

-        Gameplay does get tedious at certain points with all the time travels.

-        Shiba is so badly written as a villain, some Shinjuku characters should be given more screentime cutting into Shiba’s– like Hishima or Kaie or even, Hazuki (though his limited presence also solidified his importance).

-        Some of the main character designs, for example Beat’s hairstyle and his food reactions are hilariously bad. What’s the point of covering up most of his unique facial features?

-        Some of the minor/side characters’ design are too cool for them to have such a small role (eg: Ayano, Eiru). Ryoji did get much screentime but is nowhere as fun as Makoto was.

-        Overall the scope of this game is made a little too big for the team to handle as perfectly as the last game that was very compact, it felt somewhat rushed in development too so the missing pieces are clearly there in the final picture

The entry fee versus paying for it all in the end

An important difference between the Neo game and the original Shibuya game was that the Shibuya rule asked for an entry fee that is the Player’s most important asset, stated as a chance the Composer gives them to reexamine themselves. Meanwhile, the Shinjuku rule neither encourages nor allows personal growth and ultimately aims to erase as many Players as possible. It’s a pity we were never introduced to the full Shinjuku rulebook, as it seems like the system there focuses more on building up power and a grand government to compare with the individuality-driven system of Shibuya.

When you have to compare the new game and the original game (OG), this is an important factor to consider. Also, the OG has a serious storyline running through and through, locked with a different partner/GM creating unique atmosphere for each week and you don’t get to see your old partners again until the end. NEO’s team system does not allow such deep insight and communication between the Players. All of your teammates are always there throughout, the dynamic does change with each new addition but it is not as prominent as a partner change.

Another important factor is how the OG was built from scratch for a new platform as “something no one has ever seen before”, while Neo recycled a lot of old unused ideas from the previous development (check out this interview for more details). The development team for NEO lacks 2 key members and had a change of writer so the final product is not as strongly bound together as the last game.

The new cast is definitely inspired by today’s teenagers (from the view of creators), compared to the old cast they’re more sociable and always seem to take whatever works for them despite feeling unstable inside. They are all innocent and genuinely nice kids, avoiding to hurt each other to a degree that they end up keeping some sort of distance. They’re also unable to communicate at deeper levels, always stagnant at this half-baked stage of equilibrium without any motivation to get to the core of things. That is the cost of entering the game without an entry fee, without even dying or having a reason to be there/to fight seriously. These kids were stolen from the RG into a Game that was decidedly the worst environment for them to change or develop, just wandering around cluelessly to find a way “out” until tragedies started to unfold one by one and they ended up being charged the total sum of the price for their actions – ultimately losing everything in the end.

That is, I believe, a story arc which can resonate more to the youth of today rather than of my generation. If the message of the old game was to “listen”, enjoy life to the fullest and accept to trust others, the message of the new game is to “speak up” from the inside, trying to understand yourself and take actions instead of just going with the flow and finally, to take responsibility for such actions.

If Neku was handpicked by the Composer for being the special one with an all-dense soul to ensure victory of the game then Rindo was just a normal kid chosen out of random by Kubo to be his back-up plan, who just happened to have a high enough imagination to awaken the incredible power from his pin. Rindo was then officially chosen by the Composer as Josh picked up and handed the pin to him again, this time not as Josh’s personal Proxy – but as the Proxy to represent the normal people of Shibuya and via whom he could gamble if humans can fight for their own fate.

The underworld heroine and the hero with little of his own

Shoka is for me a refreshing and layered heroine. She’s the kind of character that took at least 3 trials of creators to form as a complete individual – that included Nomura who gave her the base design and Reaper background, Gen who gave a more cunning touch and the writers who made her English dialogues more punchy. Dishonesty equals “tsundere” is such a cliché, so the English writers tried really hard to avoid that trope in my opinion, while still letting her good intention come through.

She serves as the character who is informed of everything the players should have known, and there was almost nothing she could do about it. Almost. Until she met Rindo.

They were drawn to each other by sharing a state of “not having anything of their own”. They both started out with not being able to truly know themselves, Shoka even hated her RG life but also managed to mature from that stage before Rindo. She must have vibed with Shiki’s love and passion in the Gatto Nero threads, initiating her connection with Shibuya and understanding herself more. With Shoka as Swallow, they were able to open up to each other and offer mental support… but was still not getting to the centre of their problems because for all this time, Shoka could not tell Rindo the most important things about herself.

How did Shoka feel when she met Rindo at the UG? She probably didn’t want to hope that he would live the day until she witnessed the Twisters’ potentials. From the very beginning, they were both incredibly conscious of each other and also constantly frustrated that the person they happened to “notice” was such a condescending bitch/a clueless loser. The Shinjuku Reapers are overall quite drunk in power and uncompassionate to Players, Shoka included. She is also a master of dissociation, which results in her constant boredom, tone swings, haughtiness and subconsciously distancing herself from the friend – the boy she cares about – from false hope, as she judged from facts that it was a hopeless situation where nothing could ever be. Maybe she is naturally a bit of a chameleon just like her name suggests (Shoka 紫陽花 = hydrangea, the color-changing flower), so putting on an act and always dissociating herself from what’s important was easy, while hiding her contradiction was impossible. It was the ex-Reaper Beat who broke it out to her, that she should decide whether she really cared and wanted to do something for a change. He knew how it felt like to cross that line, and knew she wanted to too.  

Shoka is endeared by many of the Shinjuku Reapers and has shown independent acts of kindness (the Shinjuku ghost), proving that her kind and truthful side is as real as her harsh and dishonest side – which makes her a nice mirror to the previous heroine Shiki, who also embraced a dichotomy of self-complex and self-love within her character. In the end, she was the first of the new cast to ultimately accept all that is important to her and independently made the decision to help save Shibuya despite all costs.

She was jealous at Rindo’s interaction with Tsugumi and Kanon but remained silent cuz she wasn’t at a place to have any say about it. She also didn’t reveal about Swallow because that would only add an awkward irrelevance to their current situation, as she was too ready to face erasure at the end of the Game. She only wished to “play a game” with him, be it FanGo or the Reapers’ Game. The tension that the team could only feel at the end, she’s felt it the entire time. The song “DIVIDE” is applicable to not just one bond in the game, but it always makes me think of theirs. There is always a “divide” between her and Rindo throughout the course of their journey, as the living and the dead, as a Player and Reaper, as someone who has a place to return to and someone who doesn’t, someone who knows little but wields too much power and someone who knows a lot despite not being able to do much.

“If only I had the chance to connect with you on the other side

But time goes on, and without us realizing it

The battle is getting heated

Time goes on, and without us realiazing it

Divided again”

To be honest, maybe I didn’t grow any affection for the new main cast from Rindo’s perspective but from Shoka’s. Since I started to sympathize with Shoka, I started to see the boy in a more “real” way. The real Rindo, behind his peaceful façade with others, would lash out on Shoka for her unfairly harsh attitude while none of the others cared. He could also subtly feel that mantle of unspoken secrets from her, her own contradictions, the unresolved chemistry between themselves – and not knowing what to do with it rather than to feel angry with all the unfairness he could not process. (As a Libra too, he’s triggered the most by unfairness!)

It is actually a positive development as he’s at least “reacting” to something strongly now rather than to keep evading his problems. During my replay, I clearly saw the difficult situation Shoka was in, her remaining harshness after the Motoi incident was due to her internal struggle with a mission to save her own life, versus a chance to really be with the team. Her decision was to do both at the risk of losing favour from both sides. Rindo started to accept her layer by layer, as the person who resonated the most to her contradicting nature from the start and knew that via learning her resolve, he has learnt his too.

Later into the game, she even got too much of his attention. Maybe even without knowing she’s Swallow, he’s familiar with her thinking direction and Swallow had always been closer to him than any other friend. It was only after she had to betray her important ones twice that she could start being truly honest. The scene when she died a 2nd time left a strong impression in me, the little reveal let Rindo know that he is also losing Swallow as he’s losing Shoka – and that only death could drive the last secret out of her. Her final “Later, loser” echoed through Rindo as it was the final truth, with only him remaining to hear it: they had actually, already lost everything.

Rindo was the boy who never dared to face all that matters to him until he lost it all, fighting an unfair battle in the faith that they would somehow still win. Shoka was the girl who always knew what was dear to her, but never dared to think she could be together with them ever after and still threw her all into a battle she knew was losing. I think they stir each other on naturally to fill out their gaps, similar to what the Shibuya game partner systerm would have aimed for. The end reward was a little divine intervention to help close up the divide between them once and for all.  

During the game there was not enough space to process anything personal so at the ending when they officially became “friends”, it was an important affirmation of their bond. Some people complained it was friendzoning but it’s not, they just have arrived at the perfect place to start something more. “From now on, we will truly be together” – I read it as that kind of message.  

The heroine from a lost battle, with her story taken away

After reading the secret reports and playing the game to be surprised of how small a role Tsugumi had in the main game despite being the “Hype-chan” thought to be a major character of the next TWEWY installment, many fans would feel sad at a missed opportunity to see the Shinjuku arc in full depiction.

It was shown clearly that, a Shinjuku arc was very carefully planned out and is a vital part of the whole story, yet it could not be made due to various circumstances behind the development scene. I would assume, that the team were not able to make a TWEWY game that ended on a despairing note, but it already happened in their mind, thus becoming a mental burden that forced them to break away from it and started the game anew with NEO. A significant part of NEO became the healing arc for the Shinjuku characters, especially for Tsugumi though I really wished more emphasis should have been placed on her rather than Shiba. We didn’t even get to see her brother – Shinjuku’s Conductor who had a vital role and instead was given the clueless Shiba, who had absolutely no idea what’s going on all the way until the last day in NEO. It’s as if Tsugumi has had her story stolen away from her, because her own battle ended with a saddening loss.

I think every time the game creators look at Tsugumi, they would feel that sadness too. Maybe to them, she is a bigger character than what is seen by the fans, as despite their failed effort to depict her story, she’s lived in their mind for all these years through periods of destruction, healing and rebuild.  Though it is a pity we could not get to experience the full scope of the Shinjuku story, the creators was clear about the place they wished for it to arrive at.    

Individuality, connection and the social network

The team system adapted from Shinjuku rulebook does not allow much room for personal development, as the team dynamic is closer to a work relationship forced to bear results, than a spiritual bond to max out all corners of understanding as found in the partnership system. The old Shibuya system allowed only 1 winner and 1 week limit per game, while the new rule declares for a 1 winning team and only the team at last place will be erased – the other teams will enter another loop. Furthermore, whichever team to challenge the unwinnable Ruinbringers will face the risk of ending up dead last followed by erasure. As a result, the longest-standing teams are most likely not the strongest ever recorded, but the ones who have figured out a strategy to simply survive until something changes, enjoying their newly found social constructs while they are at it. Basically, it is a system to hypnotise players into the illusion that they are still “living”.

Therefore, we as players would not get to the core of each Player individually as fast and directly as we did in the last game. The Twisters were able to stand out not because they’re powerful, they only started to have a real chance after growing enough to each form a meaningful and personal connection to another teammate. It did not come as a team, nor did it intiate from the existing friendship between Rindo and Fret. In fact, I did not find much solidity or anything truly note-worthy about the main team and new characters within themselves until they started clashing with other team members, Reapers and new recruits from week 2 onwards. Rindo found his personal development with Shoka (via a clash with Motoi and pretty much a mini dating sim between them), then via the confrontation of his role with Neku; Fret found his with Kanon then Nagi, the team learned about the real Neku via Beat, Neku entered the UG via Coco’s wish to save Tsugumi… it was not the team but their personal links that empowered them to fight and solve each of their problems.

The other team leaders may have failed because they did not form such personal links, after 30+ hopeless loops Fuya’s team all fell apart to pursue their own interest even at the cost of erasure, Motoi quit his KOL façade to work like a dog for the Reapers (probably to save just his own ass not his team), while Kanon dropped her tricks to find changes via honest cooperation in acceptance of a fair loss. The despairing note in that is huge without making much of a scene because their failure didn’t happen at their best effort to “win”, but in their last attempt to find a way “out”. Even Shiba got his way “out” in the end thanked to his personal friendship with Hishima and Tsugumi.

Something has shifted in the mindset of the game creators in the last 14 years, as both games are about “connection vs individuality” but the last game focuses more on connection between just individuals and this one on the overall network that is formed out of those individual connections.

The introduction of Beat into the main cast was truly the bridge between old and new, they helped each other out in several turns before officially recruiting him. Beat is a character whom a lot of fans including myself have felt somewhat concerned about after Neku disappeared from the RG, so when the new kids welcomed Beat with warm and organic interaction and Beat seemed happy, I started to feel like I wanted to help them out too! I think the overall team chemistry is enjoyable enough for new players, but I could warm up to the new kids more from the pov of a returning character – whom I’m glad to be Beat, as the older brother figure who is genuinely kind, fun, serious and upbeat at the same time; who is needed and needs the kids in return.

The social network is a fun and refreshing feature. You can read all of the crazy tidbits about Shibuya and the links each character have formed with the town people, it’s also fun to visualize how the characters act off screen. Characters’ profiles provide extra insight into their background too, like how it reveals Tsugumi has been friend with Coco during her time in the RG. During the game when not all characters have showed up, you can sometimes guess which empty spot will belong to whom. For example there is a 1 character linking to Neky that is not linked to anyone else, so I could guess that was Joshua, and that another character linking only to Joshua was probably Hazuki, hinting that the 2 Composers are related before either of them even showed up.

Hazuki only showed up for 5 minutes, but his presence is so vital and true to the game that I think he is the most memorable out of the new cast. The two Composers have such an intriguing bond, with their yin/yang or phoenix/dragon themes, opposite color design, the sempai/kouhai tone and the way they keep some sort of distance/work relationship as if it’s mandatory between Higher beings, yet at the same time they can talk so casually because they are truly equal – and different from one another. I have written a separate meta on them here.

Some people pointed out, that all Shinjuku characters’ names and themes are based off Hanafuda cards and the Phoenix in Hanafuda belongs to the Paulownia suit – which is Joshua’s name flower. This is so interesting because it feels like the creators somehow saw it as a sign to interweave the Shibuya and Shinjuku storylines together. Though it doesn’t come out much on the surface, it’s fascinating nonetheless considering both Josh and Haz had at some point interfered with the other town’s affairs.

“Shibuya tour with Haz” was such a special scene, as it happened between 2 characters who do not/no longer have a reason to care about Shibuya, on the subject of what is worth saving about Shibuya. Hazuki carried out the purification of Shinjuku and stepped in to restore Shibuya just as part of his job and unlike Hanekoma or Joshua who both possess profound understanding of humanity, he really didn’t know humans at all. Rindo’s irrational wish invoked in him a sense of curiosity, to try gambling on something irrationally and learning a bit of what his senior have experienced. With all the pieces put together, it provides an overview on Higher beings as a whole, and that Joshua and Hanekoma are really the odd ones out with Hazuki being somewhere in between them and the rest.        

The old friends

It’s easy to have returning characters overshadow the new cast as they have already matured out of their personal story arc and stayed in our hearts for all this time. In the end, I have managed to enjoy both the old and new cast separately and altogether, and they will both find their own place in our memory of this game for the long term.

Sho is truly as crazy as ever, the game wouldn’t be the same if Sho is any less of what he is. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like Neky or Beat is younger than Nagi at all, with moments when it seems like Neky has aged 14 years instead of 3 years. His friendship with Coco surprised me pleasantly, and their interaction together with Beat was fun to watch. Rhyme’s found a new dream and her friendship with Kaie is precious too, especially considering that she can still talk to him online after the game ended. Josh and Neku’s interaction suggested that they have resolved the past and are on equal terms now, they even parted ways in good spirit and I don’t feel any worry about them like I did before.

Neku and Shiki’s reunion scene was beautiful, theirs is such a special bond that it has grown and supported them even without being able to see each other. I am so happy to see them all again and that they stay true to who they are, albeit looking more grown up, cooler and happier than ever before.  

Overall, NEO can’t become a classic on par with the OG, but is definitely a good sequel and a good game in its own rights. I’m happy with whether or not there will be a 3rd game to complete the 3 monkeys theme, but if there will be – I hope the creators can really find the time to learn from the last 2 games and start over with a fresh mindset and strong core.  

[nyctophilin]

Fake affection | I

sweet anon: Can I request a dom! Han Jisung smut? Where he and the reader are fake dating because Jisung want's to make someone jealous but ends up fucking the reader instead? I love your writings so much!!

Chapter I, Chapter II, Chapter III, Chapter IV, Epilogue

Description: Han Jisung has been rejected by the girl he likes one to many times. He decides that he has had enough and is set on making her want him back. What could possibly make her want him more than seeing him with her rival after she boldly assumed he can’t find anyone better. That way Jisung and Y/N are stuck in a fake relationship until Jisung’s crush falls for him. Or he falls for someone else.

All rights reserved © nyctophilin 2020. Re-posting, copying and translating any of my works is prohibited.

Pairing: Han x fem!Reader, Hyunjin x fem!Reader

Word count: 4.5k

Genre: College!AU, Fake dating!AU, Angst, Fluff, eventual Smut

Warnings: swearing, mention of masturbation

A/N: Wow, so it looks like I am unable of making short fics, haha. I planed for this to be a one-shot but it’s already this long and I don’t want to bore you guys with long fics so I will make a second part and a third if needed but I doubt. I really hope you guys like this one. Feedback is very much appreciated.

      Y/N was tapping her finger on the desk, her head resting in her palm. She was watching the professor walk around in front of the class explaining something but she wasn’t paying attention. Her mind was filled with thoughts about whether or not she was going to get the role. 

      Some people from her university that were majoring in Film Production had to write a script for a short movie and the best five got chosen to be produced. Initially, she believed that only Theater and Film Majors could participate at the auditions but the administration of the school made an announcement one morning informing them that everyone could take part in the audition process. That meant she had to deal with more competitors for the role she wanted.

      Initially, Y/N was the only one who wanted to audition for the main role of one of the movies since people didn’t really catch its concept that well. When the audition day finally came, one Modern Dance major showed up out of nowhere and auditioned as well. The apparition of that particular character made her blood boil with anger.

      Her competitor for the role was none other than Mina, her so-called enemy. They weren’t enemies in the real sense of the word. They just simply didn’t click with one another and silently agreed a long time ago to ignore each other. They weren’t pulling childish stunts on each other, they didn’t speak each other's names unless necessary, they didn’t try to win each other in grades or parties or body counts. They were just mutually ignoring one another. And everything was fine until she showed up there.

      Y/N wasn’t going to lie and say that Mina wasn’t good. Her performance wasn’t exceptional but for someone that has never done that before, she was fairly good. That had her worried about her chances of getting chosen.

      When the bell finally rang ending her suffering she got up in the split of a second and left the room. She could not bear to hear any more of the professor’s babbling. Her boots let out quiet thuds every time they touched the concrete floors. She found herself in front of the announcement board but the paper that was supposed to tell her if she got chosen or not, was missing. Thinking to herself that they probably will put it up later she turned on her heels and made her way towards the cafeteria.

      She met her friend Hayoon there and they sat down at a table situated in the centre of the cafeteria. They talked about how they had been up until then and Hayoon complained about one of her classes and how she’s going to fail it.

      The chatter in the cafeteria died down when the door was slammed open and Mina stomped in, a bitter expression on her face. “I can not believe that they made me a stunt double! What does that even mean?” Her voice was louder than it should have been as she addressed her friends. Her intention was most probably to attract attention.

      A smirk crept on Y/N’s face as she realised that she did, in fact, get the main role. She gave her friend a suggestive eyebrow raise as she slowly took the chopstick to her mouth. Her face dropped when she heard the stomping approaching her. “Hey, loser, what’s a stunt double?” Mina’s voice was scratching her ears. How she managed to sound like one of those toys for dogs sometimes, she’ll never understand.

      “I can’t believe you’ve auditioned for a role without knowing what a stunt double is.” Y/N rolled her eyes at the other girl and a few people from around them chuckled. Mina’s face caught a crimson colour as the embarrassment settled in.

      “Haha, you are so funny!” It was clear by now that the girl was trying to mask her flustered form by trying to embarrass Y/N back.

      The truth was that she didn’t mean to make fun of her. She just let her first thoughts leave her mouth. “I wasn’t trying to be funny.” A sigh left her lips. “A stunt double is a person that executes all the dangerous or action scenes for the main actor so they don’t get injured. Stunt doubles are usually gymnasts, people that know martial arts and all that jazz. They probably chose you because of your dance background.”

      “I can’t believe it. Not only they didn’t give me the role, but they are also going to use me to protect you?” Mina had an annoyed expression.

      “Oh please! Did you really think they were going to choose you? You entered that room without even knowing the concept and somehow managed to get the feel right a couple of times. Meanwhile, some of us actually prepared for that audition.” Y/N was fed up with Mina’s princess behaviour. Always thinking that everything is rightfully hers and expecting everyone to kiss her ass. All that just because her father was donating a big sum of money to the university every term. They are donations at the end of the day and she should not be expecting special treatment just for that.

      Mina’s face became a crimson red for the second time in ten minutes and she stomped away from Y/N’s table. The few people that were watching them averted their eyes when Y/N took a look around.

      From the corner of the cafeteria, someone was watching them with a smirk on their face. Oh, how he got just the perfect idea.

            Y/N sat in the second closest row to the professor. She was in “Canto class” as she liked to call it. It was one of the optional classes she chose to take that year. It wasn’t a compulsory class for Theater and Film majors since you don’t necessarily have to know how to sing to be an actress but she took it anyway because she thought it would be fun. And so far it was.

      A loud bang invaded her left ear and she turned to find Han Jisung having his back to her and chatting with his friends that were seated a few rows behind them. She raised her eyebrow but didn’t question it. It wasn’t like the seat was occupied and she definitely had nothing against him sitting next to her. He probably just wanted to pay more attention since he and his friends are always distracted during class. 

      Y/N turned back to her stuff and opened her notebook to take another look at the notes from last class. Soon after the professor entered the classroom and the chatter died down. 

      She was vigorously writing in her notebook everything the professor was explaining to them. Suddenly she felt a touch on her left elbow and stopped for a second. She immediately resumed her writing, convinced that he probably did that by mistake. Not even a minute later she felt another touch on her elbow this time more evident. She ignored it again not paying much mind to it. Jisung’s elbow collided with hers causing her to push her notebook and scribble on it.

      She snapped her head towards him and felt anger overcome her when she noticed the smirk on his face. “What?” She whispers yelled in his direction.

      “Hi!” He did a short wave of his hand in her direction and she clenched her jaw. She closed her eyes and exhaled deeply before going back to her note-taking. She had only five minutes of peace before he poked her side again. She smacked his hand away from her and continued to mind her own business.

      Throughout the class, Jisung kept bothering her and trying to talk to her despite her obvious wish to let her take notes. When the bell rang she got up quickly, her blood boiling and left the room in a hurry hoping she could lose Jisung on the busy halls. As she was hurriedly making her way between the sea of people she felt an arm going over her shoulders and she crashed with the owner of the arm.

      “Why are you in such a hurry babe?” Jisung’s voice rang in her ear as they were practically glued to each other. She grabbed his hand and swung his arm away from her shoulders.

      “For the love of God, what do you want from me Han Jisung?” Exasperation was present in her voice as she threw him an ugly look.

      She couldn’t guess what he needed from her to annoy her to that extent. They were acquaintances and nothing more. They knew each other from that one class they shared and the longest interaction they had was when the professor prepared an interactive class once and they had to work in groups of five.

      He was the university’s “heartthrob” as people liked to call him. Y/N personally thought that that title should be given to Hwang Hyunjin who was majoring in Modern Dance. He was more mature than the rest of his friends, he was friendly with everyone and wasn’t pulling pranks on innocent people to entertain some brainless creatures. But who was she to oppose the masses?

      On top of doing all those things, Jisung was also in a relationship with Mina. Every time they are together they will target someone and will start making fun of them. More Mina than Jisung but he was still entertaining her actions and that made him as guilty as she was.

      “I need to ask you something. Or better, make you a proposal.” He winked at her and she felt an uncomfortable shiver run through her. How disgusting.

      “Ok, and what is it?” She threw him an expectant look and he started looking around.

      “Let’s talk outside where there are fewer people. You got a free period, right?” Confusion made its way on her face.

      “How do you know that? Are you weirdo following me?” She has never talked with him as friends and they share only one class. How on earth would he know her schedule?

      “What? No! I see you hanging out around the university all the time after our class.” She rolled her eyes at his answer and gestured her hand towards the closest exit out of the building signalling him to lead the way.

      Very soon they were seated on a bench under a tree somewhere behind the university. It was her first time coming there. Y/N usually liked to remain at the front of the building since couples usually liked to come there and make out sometimes even fuck.

      “I think we should start dating.” He blurted out and she froze for a second before jumping to her feet startling the man.

      “I knew you were fucking weird. I’m leaving!” What in the actual fuck did she think when she came here. For a second she expected a real conversation but Jisung’s main skills were flirting and making bad jokes. She set her expectations way too high for that conversation.

      She picked her bag from the bench and started leaving only to have Jisung grab her wrist and stop her. “Wait, let me explain. I swear you’ll understand better after.” Y/n wanted to turn and leave but the puppy dog eyes he gave her made her stay and listen to him. Now, don’t get her wrong, his expression didn’t soften her but if he was desperate enough to try the puppy eyes on her then it must be important to him.

      She plopped down on the bench and waited for him to start talking. “Look, I’m pretty sure you know Mina. And I know you two aren’t on great terms. I say we date so you can get back at her for all the things she has done to you.” He raised his eyebrows at her and pursed his lips.

      Y/N was the one that raised her eyebrow next as she leaned her head to the side. “Aren’t you and Mina dating?” 

      “Obviously not.” Jisung used a tone that pissed Y/N off. A tone that said ‘It was so obvious, how can you not know?’ and she didn’t like it one bit.

      “Oh, I’m so sorry! I must have read the signs the wrong way. I mean, it's not like you are always together and you carry her backpack around and you hang out outside of school six days out of seven and kiss before classes and make out behind the university probably right on this bench.”

      A smirk appeared on Jisung’s face. “Who’s following who now?”

      “Don’t flatter yourself. Mina’s voice is so annoying I could hear her every time she talked. When I would turn to see what was up now you two were most times engaged in some sort of PDA.” She spoke fast trying to prove that she wasn’t following him. She didn’t know why she felt the need to do that but the thought of Jisung thinking that she has some sort of interest in him was terrifying. He completely humiliated the last “unpopular” girl that confessed her feelings to him and at that moment the last thing she needed was for him to go around saying she is a stalker.

      “Well, we are getting there. I asked her out and she said that she’ll love to but it’s too fun to tease me. When I asked her ‘What if I get a girlfriend?’ she told me I can not find anyone better for me than her. When I saw you fighting in the cafeteria earlier I knew I found my perfect girl. Not only are you hot, but she also hates you.” Y/N raised an eyebrow at his words.

      “Hot?” Her tone was untrusting as this was the first time someone from uni had said that to her. 

      “Yeah. You didn’t think that guys came to last year’s theatre spectacles because they were actually interested in theatre, right?” A laugh left his mouth at her dumbfounded face as she registered his words. A blank expression adorned her face immediately after trying not to seem so surprised.

      “Well, not anymore.” She let her tongue trace her bottom lip before biting the flesh. “Ok, so tell me what you actually want us to do.” Uneasiness settled inside Jisung as he watched her bored face.

      “Well, I mean what I said. We should date. Or fake dating if you will. That way I can make Mina jealous and push her to run into my arms. I bet she can’t stand seeing me with you for too long.” He looked into her eyes hopefully thinking that maybe he convinced her but his hope was quickly shattered when she opened her mouth.

      “What are you? Five? I don’t want to get back at her and I have absolutely no reason to help you in your sick plan. I’m out of here!” Once again she picked up her bag to leave only for Jisung to grab her wrist and stop her, again.

      “Please Y/N! I’m desperate. I’ve been trying to date her for a year and a half already.” That was pathetic. She had absolutely no reason to help him. None at all. But something pushed her to stay and accept his offer. Maybe she could take advantage of the situation.

      Turning her head towards her she tried to keep a straight face as best as she could. “What do I get out of it?”

      Jisung’s face brightened instantly at her question and he held her hand with both of his. “Anything you want. If it’s possible I’ll do it.” His eyes were pouring into hers and a stupid sparkle was present in them.

      “I guess you were going to do that anyway but I want you to present me to your friends.” The same bored expression that she had on for almost the entirety of their conversation was adorning her face. Jisung was amazed at the lack of emotions she managed to show but she was an actress. Maybe she’s just good at her job.

      “Why? Do you have a crush on any of them?” A smirk was enveloping his facial features and he had a teasing tone. Y/N rolled her eyes at his comment.

      “No. Some of them seem like really interesting people but their only defect was hanging out with you. Now that I have to hang out with you too I might as well start talking to them.” She shook his hands off hers before putting it in her front pocket. “Now I have to go to class cause my free period is almost over. See you later, babe!” She winked at him before turning around and making her way to her next class.

      The next day she met with Jisung in front of the cafeteria so they could walk in together and “announce” their relationship. Somehow he got hold of her number and they texted the night prior about the terms of their little deal. She felt like laughing when she saw how serious he was about it. If he really did end up dating Mina she’ll be convinced that both of them are idiots.

      His arm was over her shoulders as they walked through the tables. Multiple people were staring at them but she decided to ignore them. Upon reaching the table she placed her tray down and took a seat. The people at the table were looking confused at one another and some were throwing Jisung questioning looks.

      “Everyone, meet my girlfriend.” He spoke gesturing with a hand towards her. She smiled at them and waved her hand, muttering a soft ‘Hi!’.

      One of them, who she recognised to be Lee Minho, a Modern Dance major cleared his throat. “Hey. It’s nice to meet you.” He had an awkward smile on. “What are you majoring in?”

      “Yeah, I don’t recall seeing you around campus.” Seo Changbin, a Music Production major added.

      “Oh, I…” She started talking but a puff coming from her left stopped her.

      “Seriously dude? You share a class. She’s L/N Y/N from your Theory and Improvisation class.” The voice belonged to Hwang Hyunjin and she felt a funny feeling in her stomach at the realisation that he knows her. Everyone around the table was throwing him weird looks.

      “You are right but how do you know that? I’m pretty sure you don’t take that class.” There was a trace of embarrassment in her voice.

      “I don’t but sometimes when I wait for those guys outside of the classroom I see you walking out.” He said that with nonchalance taking a bite from his food.

      “And how do you know her? She’s not a Music Production major otherwise we would have known. And she’s not a Dance major either otherwise Minho and Felix would have known about her as well.”Changbin’s tone was almost provoking as if Hyunjin had done something bad and he was about to reveal it.

      “She’s a Theatre and Film major. Last year when we went to all those theatre spectacles to support Jeongin I was actually paying attention to the plays. She had either the main role or the lead. I remember her being really good.” She felt her cheeks heat at his comment.

      “Thank you!” She threw him a smile. However, she got ignored as Lee Felix started talking.

      “Do you know her Jeongin?” She somehow felt offended by his question. Maybe that wasn’t his intention but he should have used a different tone.

      “Of course I do. We share almost all of our classes and last year we worked on multiple plays together.” Annoyance was present in his voice caused by his friends' ignorance.

      She knew Jeongin from the first day. He was the first to speak to her although they didn’t exactly become friends. They kept on working on plays together throughout the entirety of the first year of college but they kept everything mostly professional since they both had their own group of friends and she kind of disliked most of his friends.

      “Then how come you never talk about her?” Now, wasn’t Changbin an annoying one? She rolled her eyes discreetly at his question.

      “Because we are not the best of friends. Why don’t you talk about Kim Gina from your degree?” The youngest question was a good one. They were acquaintances and barely knew something about each other. What was he supposed to talk about?

      “Gina is not hot. What am I supposed to talk about?” The older male said calmly with a shrug of his shoulders.

      The water she was just drinking got stuck in her throat and she started coughing violently. Jisung started hitting her back repeatedly trying to help her swallow. When she finally calmed down she looked at him annoyed.

      “Who she is, is not important. What’s important is that she is my girlfriend” he gave Changbin a side look ”and you have to accept that. Stop talking about her like she is not sitting right in front of you.” A few of them raised their hands in defeat while some of them averted their eyes. Minho and Changbin rolled their eyes.

      She felt her blood pressure spike up at their action. She remembered why she never wanted to talk to any of them. Arrogant pricks.

      “Ok, Mister protective boyfriend. Just tell us when you break up.” Minho took a bite of his food done with the younger man’s antics. Everyone knew that he was in love with Mina. The moment she shows some interest in him he would probably leave this one in a heartbeat.

      Y/N sucked in a breath discreetly. He really got her worked up and she hated it. She put an arm around Jisungs shoulders and yanked him towards her, his face close to her chest. With her other hand, she grabbed the sides of his face making him look up at her and forcefully pursing his lips. 

      “Break up? Do you wanna break up with me, babe?” Y/N’s voice was mocking as if she was talking with a child. Jisung swallowed hard before shaking his head. She smiled at his response and used the hand from around his shoulders to ruffle his hair. “That’s what I thought.” She placed a short kiss on his lips before releasing him and turning back to her food.

      Everyone at the table was looking at both of them shocked, especially Minho and Changbin. She wanted to let a proud smile escape her but she controlled herself.

      For the rest of the lunch, she decided not to engage in any more discussions with Jisung’s friends. She continued eating her food and listened to them talking about things that didn’t involve her, occasionally responding to Hayoon’s texts.

      She was the first one to get up, impatient to go to her next class and not have to see them. “Bye guys. It was lovely meeting you!” She smiled at them, a smile half true because she did like some of them. “Bye babe. See you later!” She grabbed the sides of his face again placing another kiss on his lips before taking her empty tray and leaving them alone.

      The men all watched her as she made her way out of the cafeteria. When she closed the door behind her they all burst into laughter. Jisung was biting the inside of his cheek irked by their action. When the laughter stopped, Seungmin that was sitting next to him put his hand on his shoulder.

      “I absolutely adore your girlfriend. She knows how to keep her ‘babe’ in check I see.” Seungmin tried cupping his face as Y/N did but Jisung slapped his hand away.

      “Are you her good boy, Jisungie? Does she give you rewards if you listen to her?” Minho cooed at him and Jisung held back an insult.

      “Shut the fuck up. It’s not like that. She surprised me as well. Who the fuck knew she was going to do that?” When he proposed the whole fake dating thing to her he thought it would be easier. Looking at it now he can’t understand why he thought that. He saw the way her fights with Mina unfold and he knew she was an actress which meant that she was probably either crazy confident or really good at faking it. For some reason, he thought she would be easier to tease and control but it would be a lie if he said it didn’t intrigue him. He liked a challenge and if the prize was Mina he would try his best.

      “And you man” Chan spoke for the first time “what the fuck was that? Do you know her entire biography?” He was looking at Hyunjin who rolled his eyes.

      “I told you I paid attention to last year’s plays. On top of that, she’s hot. I remember that after one spectacle I and the guys from my dance group at the time talked about her for like a month. She was so..” The man let out a groan and threw his head back trying to explain what he meant.

      “Sure, tell me more. Did you masturbate to the thought of my girlfriend? Perhaps got any wet dreams about her?” Jisung commented, raising an eyebrow.

      Hyunjin winked at him as a smirk made its way on his face. Some of the guys simultaneously let out disgusted sounds at his gesture.

      “But how did this whole thing happen? I can’t remember a moment when you talked about her or when you were together.” Felix’s deep voice rang making everyone pay attention to him.

      Changbin suddenly let a gasp out and dramatically covered his mouth. “Yesterday our little Jisungie sat next to her in Theory and Improvisation and when the class ended he ran after her. I think he might have had a secret crush!” The older man teased.

      “Yeah, but she looked really annoyed with him. Hence why she sprinted out of the class. Why would she accept to date him if she looked like she’d rather listen to Mr Jung talk about the first piano ever invented.” Chan intervened making Jisung shrug his shoulders.

      “She was annoyed with me but what can I say? I’m so charming she couldn’t refuse me.” He leaned back in his chair putting his arms over the back of the chair. 

      “I think she did it out of pity. When she realized you’ve been trying to get Mina for a year and a half now she probably felt so bad for you she decided to sacrifice herself so you look less like a loser.” Hyunjin said his tone way to serious to be a joke.

      Jisung threw the man a deadly stare. “At least I didn’t masturbate to the thought of her like a fucking virgin.” He spat in the other man’s face.

      “Touche.”

[ddaehyeon]

。✧ hyacinth; park serim + reader

— pairing: fashion designer!park serim + photographer!reader

— genre: angst, slight fluff, exes au, post-breakup, slightly suggestive (one scene only!)

— word count: 7.1k

— warning: arguments, heartbreak, mentions of anxiety and emptiness

— summary: years had passed since you broke up with serim; life had been continuously patching up ever since. his name had marked several clothing lines, while your studio was well-known in the small city you lived in. who would’ve known that a sight of him on a bus stop would be enough to bring back wounds you thought had long ago healed?

— navi: playlist | video teaser | cravity masterlist

— a/n: my wips suffered from a major slump and this is quite an overdue fic (i also have another overdue fic help) but i hope someone would still at least read this though >< the first ver of this didn't satisfy me and though this ver didn't satisfy me that much, i feel like after rewriting almost half of the fic, this one's better. i'll do my best to pull something better soon!

autumn must be the most magical part of the year. the leaves experiencing a color alteration, scarlets and golds carpeting the ground— a yearly harvest of the earth where everything was gradually being taken away. long gone was the heat of the summer; the chilly evening breeze sure was much friendlier than of winter. the season served as a comforting quilt. it was such a great time for warm drinks that could lift up the mood even for the wariest.

you let go of a breath as you stared at the window, the sun was setting. the color fleshed out in the sky golden, jiving well with the surrounding that was already of the same palette. with an indoor shoot for a seasonal issue of a magazine, it sure was a tiring day. the sound of camera clicks still ringing in your head, along with the hushed talks and chitchats coming from the staff members and the models.

at first, you were hesitant to accept the project. afraid that you’d bump by one of the renowned fashion designers in your region, park serim. but then, you couldn’t just chicken out when a hefty sum was to be paid. the relief you had when you saw that his name wasn’t on the list of designers was almost the same kind of relief you'd have after preventing big trouble from occurring.

“i finished placing back the props in the room.” hyeongjun’s voice was still as bright as it was this morning as if not touched by any fatigue. he was one of the photographers you hired in your studio, offering only fine shots. “i’ll be going home early, just send me a message about what time tomorrow’s shoot will be!”

“thank you, junie.” a smile was on your brim as you nodded on his words, watching him pack his camera and leave afterward.

silence melted in the room as soon as hyeongjun stepped out. alone in your photography studio, you sat on a stool used earlier by one of the models. the room was dimly lit with only one of the umbrella lights open. it was only by then that you realized your thighs were already stiff from the nonstop work earlier. you wanted to go home and just be in the comforts of your bed.

pulling out your phone, you dialed your brother’s number, frowning when it took him quite a while to pick up. was he busy or did he just forget that he was supposed to pick you up tonight?

jungmo would always fetch you by your studio after his working hours concluded. with the two of you living together in the same house, your brother just found it ideal— bringing you to your work every morning and giving you a drive home every evening. it might seem like he was babying you, but it was a gesture you grew fond of.

“y/n?” jungmo gasped on the other line. it seemed like he was outside, music playing in the background which mingled well with the peals of laughter. “shit, i forgot to tell you.”

you raised a brow, questioning his words. “what’s the matter?”

“can’t fetch you today.” you can already envision the pout he had on his lips. “i’m at a party with allen and woobin, catching up with my colleagues. i’ll make it up to you tomorrow, i promise!”

“alright. i’ll just ride the bus then.” it was your turn to purse your lips. you can’t bring yourself to complain about it though. “have fun! just stay in woobin’s apartment tonight, don’t drive!”

“i will, i will,” jungmo replied, a call of his name following. his friends might’ve been looking for him already. “text me alright? get home safely, y/nie.”

at the end of the phone call came another sigh from you. a tightlipped smile braced your lips as you stood to turn off the remaining lights. you retrieved your camera and placed it back in one of the drawers. making sure everything was back to its place, secured; you gave the place one final look. something you’d do every single day before going home. a reminder of the thing you loved the most. a reminder of what could have been.

the sidewalk wasn’t as empty as you imagined it to be, maybe you weren’t used to walking to the bus stop anymore. strangers of different day occurrences exchanged various looks that shared one same element, tiredness.

when the wind blew, fallen leaves danced along with it. the slight coldness making you tuck your hands inside the pocket of the cardigan you were wearing. you loved the cool breeze, but not when you knew you had to stay out on an open shed with it as your companion. cold weather could be your friend, a company for a better evening sleep. but rather a harsh fellow when you had to be alone, when loneliness can easily be injected to your senses.

tracing the path, a memory went to play in your head. way back in college, this was the same sidewalk you’d walk in with your ex-lover. a camera on your hand while he had a roll of satin in his arms. it was such a usual view for the two of you as you talked about how the day went, ranting about the monotonous lectures, gushing over how you missed each other’s company and how you wished that the two of you could get back to your shared apartment as soon just so you can snuggle on the couch.

you glanced at the sky, the cloud hiding the few scattered twinkling stars. a faint smile spread upon your lips, only to disappear when your gaze went back to the bus stop. the male that passed by in a form of fleeting memory earlier was standing right in front of you as if fleshed out from your mind. a lavender-colored paper bag was hanging on his arm, the logo of his product line delicately stamped on the middle. his phone was resting on his other hand, if he was scrolling through sns or texting someone, you weren’t sure.

the magical feeling he used to offer long gone, your stomach twisting into several knots. a cold sensation went down in your spine as a familiar tug came to pull your heartstring. he’s back? what is he doing here? he lives here again?

your thoughts were loud in your head, but none of it was pulled out loud. each word ending up as a lump in your throat. the air was thickening, your heart beating fast, not out of excitement, but out of the clashing thoughts that left you so nervous and confused. it had been years, how come a single sight of him made you feel like all your resolutions are gone? how did a single sight of him become enough to shatter the glass that protected you from the ache that night had caused you?

it was cold. but no, it was no longer because of the autumn breeze.

“serim?” the name was uttered in the same way you would before everything came crashing, yet it held a much weaker tone. you can’t even remember the last time your voice came to wrap around the syllables of his name.

the male turned his head to look at you, a brow raised as he stared at you. no obvious emotion, his eyes held no recognition.

and his reply? it sent a shiver down your spine, your stomach flipping in a horrendous manner.

“who are you?”

for a moment, the air caused such a nauseous feeling— thin and hard to inhale. it was only three words, yet it was powerful enough to serve as a punch in the gut.

how can he forget?

how can he forget how the two of you first met?

not that it was a very momentous event, just a regular struggle faced by two college students that needed someone else to accomplish a project for a major subject. there were no butterflies involved, nor did sparks fly the moment you met. regardless, up until now, that day burned fresh in your mind.

“i know someone from that department,” woobin said without even looking at you, his eyes focused on his book. though you weren’t sure if he was really paying attention to the words written there as he kept on diving in the conversation every now and then.

“and who might that be?” the dreadful task of having to pair up with the design department had been inhabiting your mind ever since it was given to you. pressure rising as you saw your other blockmates having no hard time getting themselves out there and communicating with the department they weren’t really accustomed to. you still have a month and a half, you were sure you can still make it. it was just a photoshoot anyway, featuring your partner’s designs.

“park serim,” woobin finally answered as if he had to think hard of the person’s name. “i think no one had asked him to become their partner, he’d be available to do it.”

desperate to get over with the task, later that day, you found yourself by the catwalk the design students would take. it was a path that connected their building to the main gate directly. your building wasn’t exactly far away from theirs, but still of a different building. with their building equipped with supplies and machineries for final products, yours were of computers, lightings, and screens.

you stared at your phone, his instagram profile opened. earlier, you already took the pleasure of checking his works out and without much filtering, him as well. he sure does love taking pictures of himself; something that could work perfectly with him being your subject. once satisfied, you left him a dm that was probably one of the most awkward sentences you had ever typed in the entirety of your life.

a notification popped out as you look at your screen, which was shortly followed by another. it was only of common courtesy to follow him before asking him for a favor right? you did that before messaging him and now he followed you back and replied to your dm. unlike you, he didn’t spend much time wandering in your profile. well, as if he had so much to look unto aside from the sceneries and some stories posted.

‘you were the person woobin was talking about? i’ll be out in two minutes. see you in the catwalk.’

it wasn’t too long of a duration, you allowed yourself to simply jump from a social media to another, mindlessly scrolling and liking some post every now and then. only lifting your head up when a wave of students began getting out of the establishment. most were holding mannequins with unfinished clothing attached to them, some were holding rolls of fabrics you weren’t sure what to call.

with squinted eyes, you tried to look for him among the crowds. woobin said that serim was a fashion design major, so he’d probably be holding the same thing as the other students that came out.

and he was.

leaning on his shoulder was a mannequin, asymmetrically dressed in silk. it wasn’t sewn yet, only supported by sewing pins. an arm wrapped around a roll of what seemed to be linen of pastel blue color. there was also a paper bag hanging on his arm which seemed to have some extra fabric and maybe some other supplies.

you walked towards him with a wave to which he gave you a confused look at first, the frown melting away when he realized that you were the one who messaged him not even an hour ago.

“you’re y/n?” he asked, merely to confirm.

you nodded your head and offered a hand in carrying the paper bag. something he didn’t refuse to. “so…” unsure of how to bring up the means of meeting with him after his class, your voice trailed.

“what do you need anyway?” he supported your words as he traced the path of the sidewalk. “take pictures of me or take pictures of the clothes i make?”

“both.” a chuckle left your lips, laced with nothing but sheer abashment, at the same time mentally cursing this project. you were okay with taking pictures, but the negotiation that comes with it wasn’t a task you were so used to doing.

serim hummed, saying an almost inaudible ‘i see’ before taking a big step and stopping in front of you to do a curt observation. his gaze trailing from toes up to your shoulder. “i’ll agree to do it, if you’ll model for me for a project.”

blinking your eyes multiple times, a baffled frown came to mask your countenance. “what?”

“i need a model that will wear the dress i’m doing by the end of the semester,” serim uttered nonchalantly, proceeding to turn his back to you and resume walking. “that would be quits.”

“i’ll do it,” you said, despite still being hesitant. having close to zero knowledge about how such a presentation would work, you were so close to disagreeing. but then again, it would only be a good way to repay him, right? and perhaps the other fashion design students would ask you of the same thing if you try to team up with them.

turning to look at you, there was a curve that formed on his brim. “that’s a deal then.”

how can he forget how the two of you confessed to each other?

two months. it took two months of random meet ups, daily conversations, and occasional hanging out to get to know each other. the awkward messages of checking up on each other’s side of the project turned to asking about each other’s day, sharing rants about academic life or life in general. the occasional hanging out turning to planned dates and spontaneous ones when the two of you both have the time to spare.

you’d usually stay in his unit as he worked on the dress for his project, a clothing that perfectly suits your figure. late night talks induced by the slightest energy given by coffee the two of you had clung into in hopes of being able to finish what was due.

it seemed like time flew by and before you knew it, you were in the backstage. serim was pacing back and forth, more nervous than you were. he wasn’t the one that was going to the stage, but sure his body was restless.

“are you alright?” you asked him once the two of you were left alone in the dressing room.

this was enough for serim’s movement to come to a halt. even when his eyes landed on you, it was obvious that his mind was floating. in fact, it even took him hot seconds before he was able to commit to a verbal response. “i am.”

“you are?” a smile broke out of your countenance which was eventually followed by a chuckle. “are you sure with that?”

your laughter was adequate to ease his nerves a little, a curve appearing on his lips. “i am.”

one of his classmates who was in charge of the flow came knocking to the door, signalling that you should be on standby.

“i’ll do my best,” you said, walking toward the door. it would be a definite lie to say that you were not at all nervous. a deep breath taken before twisting the knob, stopping when serim called you. it was covered with a bit, yet noticeable hesitation that it made you cock a brow for a moment.

“good luck.” it was all that he uttered, along with a gesticulation of him raising both fists. though serim’s mind spoke of different words, words he had little courage to let go of. at least not yet at that moment.

you gave him a smile, nodding your head afterward. “thank you.”

and off you go.

roaring crowds and camera clicks; the auditorium set up for the use of the fashion design students as they exhibit their works through their chosen models. formerly, you’d find yourself among the crowds, snapping pictures and admiring the clothes done by the other students. but this time, you found yourself clothed in a floral print silk-blend asymmetrical dress designed by serim himself.

the lights were blinding, being always part of the photographers, you were quite accustomed with how you were part of the persons behind the camera lense. serim was in the dressing room, watching the runway from the screen that displayed the live broadcast. some of your friends were among the crowds, your older brother even telling you before the show started that he’d be sure to take pictures of you.

fortunately, the few days of practice didn’t go to waste, no major mistakes happened when you modeled serim’s design. perhaps the only problem was you were a little stiff, something too trivial for some audience to notice.

as soon as you stepped by the backstage, serim’s proud smile welcomed you. unable to rest in the dressing room once he saw you getting out of the stage, he practically ran to meet you behind the curtains.

his eyes were filled with adoration, not just for the dress he finished making, but for the overall beauty you radiated. without much thought, he walked closer to you, soon wrapping you in an embrace. tight, yet gentle.

“you did well, y/n,” serim whispered, not letting go.

a soft chuckle was heard from you, your cheeks burning. “you did well,” you corrected. “please, it’s your design.”

“thank you.” releasing you, a smile lingered on his visage. “i’ll make you a better dress in the future.”

“you don’t have to, but thanks,” you replied before the two of you sunk into silence. regardless of how the surrounding was of heavy music and cheers, peace had found its way to emanate in the dimmed part of the area.

no words spoken, yet feelings poured when serim leaned closer. his lips easily capturing yours enough to make your heart pound in your chest, louder than it did while you were in the catwalk.

serim broke the kiss, his lips still close with yours. his eyes were of another glow when he uttered a set of words, familiar yet foreign. “i love you.”

once again, you were under his spell. soft kiss turning into a sloppy one once he guided you to a more secluded area. it would be such a waste to rip the dress off given that it was an original design, yet as the person who sewn each part of the clothing you were wearing, serim had his way to resolve the small dilemma.

the surrounding was silenced, your body frail under each of his touch, breath taken away, chest heaving. sure, it was a night you won’t be able to forget.

how can he forget about how the two of you practically lived with each other for years?

the exuberance exuded while the two of you carried several boxes into an empty unit you called home. maybe it wasn’t really about the place, but it was who you were with. his arms served as a shelter. his hand caught tears of both happiness and sadness. his lips pressed affection that no one else could offer. everywhere with serim was of comfort, of tranquility— a home.

living with another person, being under a single roof wasn’t exactly the easiest thing to adjust to. throughout the first few months of living together, your head was filled with memories of sheer trial and error as the two of you tried to learn the curves. this included adjusting for each other or at least compromising for what the other likes that the other doesn’t. silly mistakes became such a fond memory.

the smell of burnt food that wafted in the air when the two of you decided to stay on the balcony while cooking dinner. astonished by the stars and the almost endless stories that passed on both lips the meal you were preparing was left neglected. that night, the two of you shared bitter food of dark exterior, quite hard to swallow. but the laughter that filled the house after the incident lifted up each other’s mood. despite the bad-tasting meal, it was probably one of the best dinners you had in that apartment.

it didn’t end there. who would forget about the laundry disaster that rendered one of serim’s white long sleeves saturated with colors you weren’t sure what to call. the mixture of forget-me-not blue and azalea pink stood as the most distinguishable pigment along with the other colors. serim only let out of a chuckle at what occurred, even joking that maybe the two of you could start a business of dying white clothing in such a way.

the best memory thus far was a late-night run by the convenience store when the two of you were chasing a morning deadline. a grumbling stomach that broke the mutual silence the two of you exchanged, along with a suspecting look that ended up with laughter.

“let’s buy some food,” serim suggested, removing the tape measure from his shoulder and settling it to the mannequin.

you hit save on your laptop, the editing could wait for a few minutes.

pulling yourself off the chair, you gazed at him with a smile. it wasn’t a surprise that he had the same beam, as bright as the morning, regardless of how the evening was already crawling onto the whole city. sometimes, you wondered how a simple smile could give you so much energy. what kind of magic does a beam flashed by the person you love hold?

a few snacks picked up by the convenience store; a bag in his hand, your hand on the other as the two of you walked back to your unit. the evening sky and the soft gush of wind amplifying the peacefulness provided by the city. no words were exchanged, yet the silence was enough of a word.

deadlines momentarily escaping the mind as you allowed yourself to be engulfed by his presence. his soft voice breaking the silence, the phrase that left his lips drew a curve on your lips. “i love you, y/n.” you weren’t looking at him, but you could perceive the smile he had. “so much.”

“i know,” you replied.

serim’s steps became slower as he looked at you, waiting for the actual response. with a tilted head and shining eyes that reflected your figure and the street lights, his gaze didn’t waver.

a chuckle left your lips, finding yourself lost in his eyes for a moment. “i love you too, serim.” you squeezed his hand, cueing him to continue walking. “so much.”

sighing out of content, a radiant smile decorated his lips.

at that moment, the two of you wished nothing more but just to be next to each other for as long as life would grant you.

how can he forget about your first anniversary?

it wasn’t grand, just the two of you sitting by the balcony. the bouquet he bought abandoned on the dinner table as the two of you gushed over plans you were sure were realistic enough to be achieved. your eyes twinkling with mirth, a lifetime with him sure was the ideal one you’d want to spend.

“y/n,” despite being just beside you, serim called.

you looked at him with a brow raised, catching his eyes on yours. “mhm?”

a smile simply spread onto his lips before he broke the gaze. his hand seeking for an item inside the pocket of his hoodie, a small box retrieved afterward. there, a necklace sat. the pendant was of a ring that was not entirely decorated with fancy stones, rather a lone blue sapphire stone was on it.

“the pendant is a promise ring,” serim explained before scooting closer to you. his hand reached for the back of your head while the necklace rested on your skin. he locked the jewelry on your neck, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead after.

you were silent the whole time, not because you didn’t like the gesture. but because you were sure words wouldn’t be enough to express the satisfaction and light feeling that was blanketing your heart.

serim had a faint smile as he admired the necklace for a moment. just like you, his heart was in an ocean of peaceful joy. lifting his head to look at you directly, he gave your lips a light peck. “i’ll buy you a better one once we’re ready for it.”

“thank you.” your countenance mirrored the same expression serim had— of joy and serenity. “i love you so much.”

“i love you too.” serim leaned in for another quick kiss, swift yet lingering. “i can’t wait to spend a lifetime with you.”

the evening droned on and on with the two of you staying by the balcony, exchanging conversations about the future. two hearts in one home, seemingly able to find the path where both can hold each other’s hand. minds filled with dreams where the other can also be spotted. a considerably spacious studio apartment became the foundation of your plans and dreams.

aspirations that soon became the neglected cause of why your relationship with him gradually crumbled down.

how can he forget about your very first fight?

gazes that held no definite emotion, silence that cut through the air— it was all an unfamiliar experience, hard to swallow. something that you weren’t able to forget easily as it was the first time you’ve ever seen serim with such a cold expression.

the coaster of shows on the television had long passed, a few recaps played. something that wasn’t really able to get a hold of your attention. your mind drifting elsewhere and the few notifications appearing on your phone were the only ones that managed to pull you out of your daze momentarily.

“where’s serim?” for the nth time that day, you asked. the room was quiet with only a few chatters from the screen in front of you. the evening was growing older and older, but you haven’t received any message about serim's whereabouts. neither had he sent you a message the whole afternoon.

worried, you opted to stay up and wait for him. even prepared a meal that can be easily heated so he can have something to eat once he arrives in case he hasn’t eaten anything yet.

with the door clicking, you were quick to get off the couch. the faint footsteps signaling you right away.

“you’re finally home,” you said, a smile easily located on your brim. only for it to melt away at the sight of serim’s stern look. his gaze piercing through, enough for chills to trace your spine.

he walked past you, not even offering you the regular hugs and kisses he would do every time he’d arrive. all that was left were cold stares. something you attempted to break. and heck did you regret doing so.

“why haven’t you been answering your phone? have you already eaten?” the worry you had accumulated coming through in waves of questions.

a sigh was emitted out of his mouth as he went to get himself a drink. it seemed like a verbal response was not an option for him since he continued to ignore your questions. at this point, it was as if there was no one else in the room. it was like you weren’t there.

“did something happen, serim?”

a minute. it was all it took for the entirety of your relationship to come to an unknown turn. the curve strange, it crawled to the skin with such a frigid touch enough for your stomach to flip horribly.

“can you give me a break?” serim hissed, a glare shoot in your direction. his voice growing power word after word. your breath was taken away, how can words suffice to make you feel so small? he placed his glass on the sink, the item almost meeting its demise. he turned to look at you once again. “can’t you see, i’m tired?”

“i waited for you.” the words spilled out of your lips, disappointment hugging your tone.

“who told you to wait for me?” serim snarled and before you knew it, you were already standing on the same page. similar expression, different cause. yours were anchored in concern, while his were of fatigue from the whole day of heavy workload. those seemed to have lulled both of your senses, blinding each other.

“oh well, i was just worried about you because you didn’t send me a message the whole afternoon up to this point.”

“do i really need to report my actions to you?”

“no, but you have to at least tell me if you’re going home late.” your voice gradually softened, a tear held back.

no, you can’t cry. no, not in front of him. no.

“i was worried,” you broke out. but it wasn’t enough for his fumes to dissolve. like gasoline poured into flames, each of your replies only intensified the exasperation boiling in his stomach.

“i’m going to rest.” serim sigh was audible as he stormed off to your room, leaving you with tears in your eyes.

a minute.

it only took half a minute for everything to fall out of its order. that fight wasn’t the last one and each passing day, the unit you once called home was stuck with unfamiliarity.

it was no longer a home.

how can he forget about that night?

cold meals by the table had your eyes fixated on them. the date encircled in red, a supposedly special day that turned bitter. different from how you used to spend it before—of laughter and warm touches— serim wasn’t there. he was far too involved with projects that your shared unit only became a short shelter. words were barely exchanged, yet alone gazes. you still sleep on the same bed as him, but no warmth was offered.

you weren’t sure which was better, to continue living with him even if it felt like you weren’t living with him or to have him gone in your life for real. regardless of the turns that occurred, the continuous erosion of your relationship, you couldn’t find it to yourself to let go. still tied by your attachment to the former serim.

a sigh left your lips, desolated gaze trailing on the table. you tried. but it seemed like those attempts were futile. it takes two people’s efforts. you can’t revive a relationship alone.

switching place, you went to the living room and sat by the couch. the place dimly lit by a lone lampshade. the city lights filtering through the window. the air gradually thickened around you, it held your throat in a vice grip. the photographs displayed by the shelves were foreign to you, despite how it was simply you and serim. it was like you were staring at completely different people. smiles had long been taken away, touches had melted, flutters subsided— all that was left was a terrible feeling of helplessness. something that seemed to guide you to nowhere. you were lost.

before, you were sure of how the story was to be written. how the chapters were to unfold. but right now, you weren’t even certain what would be on the next page. it was like the next ones were torn from the spine, gone. oh hell, you weren’t even sure what page you were on right now or if the story was bound to be written in the first place.

serim’s arrival went unnoticed at first. only until you heard the clink of the glass meeting the sink did you turn in his direction. an empty gaze was earned and for some reason you found yourself offering him a faint smile. a small gesture packed in pain that was quick to course through your senses.

sighing had become his way of greeting. dark circles under his eyes and the disheveled look emanated how his work had been weighing him. but your mouth was closed regardless of how you wanted to speak of reassurance and praise. it was strange, the inability to speak of warm words around him. why were you so held by fear?

“serim,” you called, breaking the floating silence.

he looked at you, eyes deep like he was examining a piece of fabric. it was enough for your stomach to churn. the stillness continued after your call. you weren’t sure how to continue it; it was as if his name was unnatural in your tongue. not only was your breath sucked, but also all the possible words had dissipated.

yet again another sigh as he tore his gaze away, stepping towards the bedroom. “i’m so tired, y/n,” he uttered, setting a line for you to not cross onto. “very tired.”

resurfacing on your brim was a smile. your eyes weren’t exactly skillful of lying though as tears soon gathered on it. heart hollowed in emptiness as if a scream would echo on its wall. likewise, your voice decided to betray you— shaking. “serim, i’m getting tired too.”

for a swift moment, serim tried to come up with an answer. but just like you, comforting words seemed to be an unfamiliar language. even aware of how a look would be inadequate, he only stared at you. his eyes don’t speak of words nor radiated comfort— it was vacant. lowering his head, he carded his fingers on his hair before letting go of a breath.

serim finally stepped inside the bedroom.

and that was how the two of you parted ways.

how can he forget about you?

it went on and on in your head, the question continuously striking.

a gush of autumn breeze pulled you out of your daze. serim was still looking at you, his eyes slowly lightening with recognition. a few blinks and he spoke. “oh, wait.” he tilted his head to the side. “y/n?”

you weren’t exactly sure what kind of answer to give, but you gave it your best to offer a faint smile. “yes.”

still— despite how other people were walking on the sidewalk and how vehicles passed by the road, the surrounding seemed to come to a stillness you didn’t ask for. denying and pushing away the feelings you’ve long ago tried to bury and made yourself believe that you’ve healed from only brought a new wave of pain. as if you were its child, sadness came to hug you.

just in time, the bus arrived as if to save you from further drowning in emotions you didn’t wish to engulf you in. to your surprise, serim also boarded in. while you chose to sit somewhere just nearby the driver, he went to the last row.

usually, your rides on the way home were the most relaxing ones. a time to just stare at the window and watch the night spread into the city. it will always be accustomed by jungmo asking you on and on about how your day went and also sharing about how his day went. but your brother wasn’t around for that kind of support right now. and you can’t blame him for it. you can’t blame anyone for this unexpected meeting with the person you never knew you’d ever meet again.

the ride was sickeningly slow, all you wished was to get home and allow your voice to echo in your room. to release the emptiness if it was even possible to empty something that was already vacant. the sky held no comfort. its color dissipated and all that was left was an empty canvas that like a broken record, played memories. it was silly how despite those quick memories popping in and out of your mind, questions still managed to penetrate.

serim was living in another city, why did he ride the same bus? was he to meet his new lover? maybe to meet an old friend?

or did he perhaps mean to meet you? this was a guess you despised. the hope it brought that maybe an answer for all the questions formed that night were to be given tasted bitter in your mouth and offered restlessness in the heart.

an urge to talk to him surfaced, but then you asked yourself why. why would you want to talk to him? for what?

despite being curious about the reason why he left that night, a certain fear crawled onto your senses. the fear of knowing.

what could knowing his reasons possibly bring you?

the time when the two of you loved each other wasn’t of the best timing. two newly graduates seeking career growth, wanting nothing but to achieve various goals. those were dreams drawn with the other person placed as a part of it. however, during the process of achieving those, that same person where the aspiration was rooted gradually disappeared from the mind. the path the two of you promised to take together came at crossroads and you ended up taking something different from what he preferred to go to.

at first, there was a powerful yearning that made the two of you grow more fond of each other. but it was slowly replaced by numbness towards it, making love such a foreign word.

you understood. but it wasn’t something you had fully accepted.

a familiar shed came to flash on the window, your stop nearing. and when the vehicle finally came to a halt, you gave serim a final glance. he was looking at you, not moving from his seat. dismissing the contact, you walked down the bus and began tracing the sidewalk with heavy steps.

disappointment curled into your stomach when you arrived near your house, realizing that the recurring questions will not be answered. however, fate played its game. anxiousness arose when once again you heard your name wrapped around serim’s voice.

you turned to look at him, his lips hesitant to let go of a word.

serim was also in deep thoughts, mind all over the place despite how he already had the resolution to talk to you, not to explain and justify himself, but to apologize for the damage done.

“i’m sorry for that night,” serim began, the initial words already clinging into his chest, weighing down. “i should’ve been more honest with you and trusted you more with my struggles.”

there was nothing serim wanted but to prove himself worthy of you. achieve things that could make you be proud of him and deem him as someone who deserves you. working up to late hours, diving into designs in order to perfect his craft. the thing was, he forgot that you already loved him even when he was simply that serim. that you loved him as park serim.

blinded by the goal, the mean diminished. as he was too caught up with it, he was no longer striding towards it for you, but for himself.

“it was selfish of me to decide for something we both should be deciding for. i left that night thinking it was better that way without even considering how you will feel,” serim continued, his voice weakening. he lifted his hand as if to hold you, but stopped midway. it fell to his side as he breathed in. “i’m sorry. i’m really sorry.”

“i was hurt, but you were probably hurt as well.” the way those words left your lips ever so calmly surprised you. “it wasn’t the most pleasant experience, but i hope we both learned from it.” a smile became evident on your visage. “promise me one thing serim, do not make the same mistake with your future lover.”

“i will not,” serim replied.

both of you never really imagined the end of your relationship and as the page of it was torn years ago, an ending was deemed impossible to earn. closing a book would never be that easy, but some stories were meant to end— yours included.

“also, this is for you.” serim handed you the paper bag he was holding. “i told you years ago that i’ll make you a better dress, and here it is. i figured that i wouldn’t be able to keep the promise laced on the ring i gave you before but i at least want to have one of my promises kept.”

you looked at the item for a moment before turning to serim once again. “thank you.”

“i also want you to know that i truly loved you.”

never at once did you doubt serim’s love for you. the thing about it is that people will grow and know love from a better perspective. know how to best keep it. know how to best show it. but it will not change the fact that back then, you felt that it was love.

serim had a single flaw and that was to hold everything to himself to the point that those created a wide gap between the two of you. the distance far enough that reaching his hand became impossible despite how you wanted to hold him.

and maybe during that time, parting was the best solution. and up to this point, it was too.

“it’s nice seeing you again, serim.”

“likewise, y/n.” a genuine smile crossed his lips. “goodbye?”

“goodbye.”

tonight, you gave him a piece of your heart. it was his, to begin with. whatever he was to do with it— keep it, throw it, crush it— it was a decision for him to make. keeping something that shouldn’t be there would only bring further destruction, it’s way better to have an empty spot in your heart rather than keep a damaged one.

the breeze embraced you. the goodbyes uttered were to serve as a beginning. there were new questions that formed and you knew there were tears that were yet to be spilled. but it was a start. opening a buried wound would never be pleasant, but it was way better to open it yourself than have it bare you.

staring at the newly planted hyacinth in the neighboring flower bed, you let go of a sigh. they will bloom in the spring. and you hoped that you would experience the same.

[norgestan]

norandro, eva/nora, amiris 👀❣️

NORANDRO:

i mean, starting off pretty strong with my favorite eskam couple. oh god. THEM. as someone who cannot stomach season 2 and also skipped william's clip and william's clip only when season 4 of skam came to an end... i will ALWAYS love what eskam did for this couple. i think i explain it pretty well on my season 3 review, but to sum up those thoughts: i think this is what noorhelm was truly supposed to be, they're both pretty flawed characters with great arcs who make their get-together super interesting and organic, alejandro is my baby and the most developed william and i'll die on this hill, etc.

especially i think that norandro, for a ship that got way less screentime that all their other counterparts, is by FAR the most developed couple in all of them and up there in eskam too, and although they weren't the focus of most of the show, it's clear as day that the writers really tried to tell a compelling story with these two - and they succeeded. it's shocking to me that eskam actually got to link the "everyone is fighting a battle" motto that has become a meme for how poorly incorporated it is on the skamverse, as alejandro effectively behaved around that motto: during season 3 and onwards, which is where i believe he's fully reformed as a character and love interest, he never hurts nora - nor anyone - in any way. he struggles to tell nora how he doesn't want a relationship because he doesn't want to hurt her, and in the miscommunication fest that their first clip of s3 is, i've always LOVED that nora calls alejandro a "fuckboy" still, and he's clearly annoyed by this, but doesn't bite back. he's always so mindful of her feelings even though he's struggling himself, BECAUSE he understands that his suffering is not the center of the world! because treating people with kindness is a strength in itself! and it continues like that for the rest of the season. like, at his most petty, he just sends a text to nora calling her a "fuckboy", which is honestly hilarious. he deals with a lot of jealousy because of nora's new relationship, yet he values her friendship so much that he never snaps at her, he never lets it show when he's talking to her, and he's never passive-aggressive about it - you can tell that he's so genuinely glad that they're still friends after all. god, the clip where he realizes that miquel is a shit boyfriend while he's talking to nora... imagine the things any other william would've said there. imagine the ways alejandro could've been petty or overprotective and fuck everything up. instead, he recognizes nora needs space and even though it hurts to be away from her, he does it because he understands it's what she needs - and his own feelings and entitlement (that he previously showed, too!) aren't the most important thing. it's beautiful. UGH. what a great character eskam crafted, there.

i like them well enough in s4, too. i think, for what they had to work with, they took them in a good direction and their happy ending feels deserved. it's just that... personally, i wish there was more introspection of nora's aftermath in s3, which is also one of my complaints with season 3 - and where characters like emma could've been SO good. although i understand the intentions, a lot of nora's internal turmoil regarding her abusive relationship with miquel are only tied to her desire to be with alejandro. it's frustrating that it became so boy-focused when the girl squad was the center of the emotional climax of nora's season. to me, the solution is still in giving the pov's to the girl squad and not... random characters lol, but oh well. i think eskam did good there and i still love this couple the most!!! i just wish there was an universe where their story doesn't have to be wrapped up in one season and we can get actual glimpses of a beautiful slow burn where they can finally get together and make their relationship work - and this is where the fanfic part comes in, i guess! as someone who loves the couple, i liked seeing them lovey-dovey in the background of s4, but also i wouldn't have been too mad if they held off from making them completely canon and only hinted their status as endgame, kinda how they did with eva and jorge. oh, and speaking of eva, i guess...

NOREVA:

i guess, the main thing with them is that i love norandro so much that i can't really see nora with any other love interest??????? now, platonically. UGH. 12/10. anyone who's seen season 3 should know and i shouldn't even have to explain it tbh. i love the focus that is put on their friendship and how emotionally charged it is when it comes to miquel and the aftermath of all that. like, a similar thing is done with norandro - because at that point, nora and alejandro were exclusively friends, but it becomes even more relevant when it's about eva. eva who, you know, was in a toxic relationship herself. i love that she herself brings up her relationship with jorge when she's talking about miquel, and how wary she is of everything that happening. the fact that she's the first one to sense it feels so right!!! i love that eskam really made them close and gave them the window scene, which is both so powerful on its message and a true love letter to female friendships.

i think eva is a really underrated eskam character as it is, like... people really don't understand how great of a character she is and how much she's grown. they are quick to call her a boring, ooc party girl once s2 rolls around, like eskam didn't spend TIME making eva herself declare that hooking up with cristian (and cristian ONLY!) was something she did out of fun and she was decided to stop as soon as it stopped being fun for her. moreover, eva is such a perceptive person: she's been that way since s1 and it has only carried across for the entirety of the show since then. and when pairing two really good characters together, like eva and nora, you really can't go wrong. their friendship brings great things out of both of them and it goes through its own arc during nora's season, whereas other seasons either dump eva as noora's bff midway through or just make them really close to introduce character drama but don't really do anything to their dynamic as it is.

romantically... sigh. i'm sorry LOL as much as i love girls kissing and wlw romance done right... i don't see potential for this relationship outside their platonic dynamic. which is, btw, incredibly strong and beautiful. i'm super contented with how eskam handled their friendship and therefore i wouldn't want anything else from them, and it's not like nooreva where the chemistry was THERE. however! i'm always open to see people's interpretations of what romantic noreva could be. wasn't it you who wrote that beautiful fic of nora realizing she's bi and falling for eva after season 3? because now THAT'S the shit i'm looking for. i think there's a lot of potential there which i'd like to see explored in fic, but other than that, i love their relationship how it is and i've never felt a desire to see them as each other romantic interests.

AMIRIS:

first things first: why did eskam NEVER confirm cris having an embarrassing, sweet, confusing childhood crush on amira? i mean, it's my headcanon that she'll later realize it and she'll jolt awake and think "holy FUCK" but like... it's a thing that isaks are into their jonases. why didn't it happen here :(((((

being honest, childhood friends to lovers has never been my thing? a simple friends to lovers doesn't do it for me: i like my relationships rocky, with lots of character moments and whose survival and success depend only on the people involved making efforts to change and do better. if you've seen s4... yeah, that's not really the case. it's just disappointing because damn, amiris is the realest thing indeed, but also... what case are the writers doing for them? because it was only irene and hajar doing the intense gazing and bringing all the chemistry home. s4 cris is a mess and a half, and while i like the idea of the bench scene featuring both of them, and being more about cris reminding amira the reasons she's made it this far instead of lecturing her about sucking it up better... the result is still lackluster. there are SO many issues on their friendship that were introduced and then dropped, and it's really nice that cris finally is there to comfort amira when shit goes down, it truly is! but what else is there? it's just a small part of s4 being a bunch of missed potential. they could've REALLY done something great with their relationship and bring back and close cris' development in the show, but we only got... well, nothing. back to 0. amira has to live with those problems, now. things like that really make it seem like once amira broadens her horizons, she won't really go back to her friendship with the girls, and cris will be a lingering wound of the past. oh well.

ehem. romantically!!!!!!! as i said, cris was totally crushing on amira at some point. like... canon really makes a point at making cris' brother amira's love interest, where dani has nothing to offer to amira than cris hasn't done yet. iftar on a rooftop? ha, loser, cris did it first. admiring her passion and her faith? cris does it arguably way better than dani. longtime pining? dude. go home. okay, i'll cut dani soto some slack since it's not about him lol. point is, if amira was charmed by all of those things, then what tells me that the option of her and cris being a thing is off the table? at the end of the day, they're indeed a relationship that needs a lot of work and patience to last. the 500k slow burn is writing itself, really.

(regardless of amiris' future, i still think irene and hajar have to do a cute romcom romance at some point. their chemistry is off the charts.)

[spacelesbiann]

Jasmine @eight-hearts sparked inspiration in me when she wrote about her 10 favourite debut albums, and tagged me to do the same. My music taste tends to be deeply obsessive, flighty, and rarely contained in an album, so some of these are pretty new. In no particular order, here they are.....

Something to Feel - TEEKS (2021) Listening to this feels like summertime evenings, where there’s a fire burning in an old drum, everyone has a drink, and there’s a body of calm water nearby. The sound is so quintessentially the New Zealand music of my childhood. I tend to find that difficult to sit and intentionally listen to, but there’s something somehow different about this. Maybe it’s the themes of yearning. Anyway, I’m momentarily in love with it . Special song mentions: Remember Me; First Time

About U - MUNA (2017) This is my ‘staring out the passenger window in the rain, watching the sky turn bruise-coloured at the end of a long day’ album. I love this album with all my heart. Idk what about to say that sums it up any better. Special song mentions: Around U; Winterbreak

Surf Music - Paul Williams (2018) This is delightfully bizarre. I listened to this because James Acaster raved about it. I didn’t have high expectations. Paul Williams is a comedian who runs a basketball podcast with his more well-known brother. But it’s so good. Everything you could want in an album and more. There’s a recurring metaphor about basketball. There’s the lyric ‘I might not be the sharpest crayon, but that’s cos I’m your favourite.’ There’s a whole song about eating chips.

I love this album so much i made a uquiz about it. Oh! And - he sings with my exact accent. To the point that some parts are almost unintelligible the first time through. Special song mentions: Braces; Number One

Greetings From Ashbury Park, N.J. - Bruce Springsteen (1973) This is Bruce as I imagine him. The kinda whining timbre of his voice that makes me see him as he is today, not the skinny little thing he was in 1973. It’s fun! Opening with Blinded by the Light??? It’s a perfect encapsulation of his lyrics: some are deeply meaningful, some mean nothing!

It’s not my favourite Bruce album (honestly I get a little bored in the middle) it doesn’t even include my favourite songs. But it’s the sign of such good things to come, and that’s enough. Special song mentions: Blinded by the Light; Growin’ Up

Westlife - Westlife (1999) Westlife are the boyband of my pre-teenagehood. This album is the first time I ever heard them. I used to spend hours at my dad’s laptop copying the songs onto CDs so I could play them in my own bedroom. Except I missed several of the songs, so this album is a lot shorter in my head. Special song mentions: Flying Without Wings; Swear It Again

2 Cool 4 Skool - BTS (2013) You know me. I had to include this one. It’s such a baby album - only 7 songs. But without this I wouldn’t have my favourite albums of later years. I think about how they made this, their determination, the fact that is was critically a bit of a flop... But it’s BTS at their core.

It explains basically everything that will come. Songs fighting to uplift teenagers, encouraging people to follow their hearts and their dreams, to be themselves... I’ll stop myself, but seriously. I could write whole posts about their lyrics. If all you think BTS songs are is Butter and Dynamite, come to me and I will enlighten you. Special song mentions: Like; No More Dream

Hope World - j-hope (2018) This is just a fun album. It opens “say hello to my hope world!” and okay, yeah j-hope! Hi!! It did take me a couple of listens to fully appreciate it, but I looked up the lyrics and gave it some time, and I really do like it. It’s not for everyone but it really shows who he is as a person. It’s hopeful (heh) and it knows itself and loves itself. Special song mentions: Daydream; Airplane

PINK PLANET - Pink Sweat$ (2021) This album is what being in love sounds like. It’s playing in the background of the scene where the two love interests realise their one sided pining isn’t one sided. It sounds pink. It’s very nice. Special song mentions: 17; Honesty

Songs of Leonard Cohen - Leonard Cohen (1967) Okay so this. This might as well be Leonard Cohen’s Greatest Hits. This is a debut album?? What??? The songs sound like poetry and arguments and speeches and ballads and everything that is good. They’re gentle and they’re cutting and they’re about love and loss and hope and hate and pain and joy. I think there’s a lyric and a song in this for everyone . Special song mentions: Suzanne; The Stranger Song

My Head Is An Animal - Of Monsters and Men (2014) This one was hard to be honest. I nearly didn’t pick a number 10. So to be honest, I’ll keep it quick. This is just so calming. I come back to this when I need a little rest from my head, which is fitting given the title. Special Song Mentions: From Finner; Sloom

I want to tag @pauldeyoung @coelura @relationboats @neonastronaut @loveyourselff and @clytemenestras just because I’m nosey :))

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#34)

And we continue with 5x11, the stage is set for quite a playoff episode, and i am HERE FOR IT.

my reactions / recap / flailing under the cut

Omg there are “welcome home Tim” signs up?? Poor Luke is jealous of Becky and Tim talking.

Damn, Tim definitely seems fucked up from prison from just that convo with Becky about the Landing Strip alone. Tortured boy.

Aw, we love to see excited Eric with a bunch of excited East Dillon Lions in the locker room after a winning playoff game!

Anddddd here come the budget cuts to burst the bubble. “Anyone need a donut? Some of you won’t have a job next semester.” Damn worst he’s seen it in 27 years? “Anyway, uh...pray.” Damn.

“Where’s the union in all of this, you know?” damn, they have a union at this Texas school? That’s good, but it seems like a weak one, which i’m not surprised about because, again...Texas.

OOOOH Tami’s getting recruited to a Philly college and they’ll fly her out to interview her?

LOL the dudes are yelling “state, state, state!” jumping up and down in their front yard? “Get out of my front yard, you’re making me look bad!” this is so wholesome.

Oh jesus poor Vince, his dad is trying to bring alcohol home when his mom is a recovering addict? What a selfish fuck! “I just don’t know.” OK BYE.

Ahhh Smash Williams is on the TV, playing football in a professional game while Tim Riggins works at Buddy’s bar...this show is just *chef’s kiss*

Oh he sounds so sad and “meh” as Buddy tries to make small talk about Smash’s success. Oh my poor Tim.

OH Jess noooo you taped another team in the division? The fear and drive in her eyes as she nervously tells a very stressed Eric she wants to be a coach herself...I love that.

REALLY? One of the coaches had to do the laughing and “you’ll never be a football coach.” “What, because I’m a girl?” “I didn’t say that.” “Yeah, you did.”

OMG I’m dying, the subtitles while Luke and Becky make out on the coach say SMOOCHING. Adorable!

“Don’t stop for me.” Wow, growth for Becky that Tim is the one walking in on her relationship now. “Use protection this time.” MUST YOU TIM?

Oh shit, football is “revenue neutral.” Truly wild that Tami, Eric, and Levi are having a convo about the whole program possibly being cut while the team loudly celebrates making it to the quarter finals all around them! The visuals in this show are superb.

The sound of “all the way to state, all the way to state, all the way to state!” in the background as the camera focuses on Tami and Eric, watching over everything with sighs on their faces. They carry so much for this town and this team.

Oh shit it’s Bryn Mawr she wants to interview at? And omg they want to interview on the Friday of the semi-final. It’s all happening!

Oh yes some high-stress practice in the pouring rain while Eric has budget cuts and Tami’s interview on his mind!

Okay i get you’re stressed Eric, but calling Jess a “pest” for showing you an article of a female football coach is not it! Although it is WILD Jess took a physical newspaper clipping out to show Eric in the pouring rain. I love her.

Yes, Billy, you are def on the chopping block with these budget cuts. But LOL at him making fun of that dude who repeats everything everyone else said

Tim is so much quieter and more stoic. It tracks. Billy, are you really surprised he doesn’t want to relive his former glory days rn? (Although i have a lil feeling Tim will show up at this game at the last minute!)

Oh shit they’re on Billy’s front lawn now? This is so cute, the parallel moments of “wait a minute, I hear something” and coming outside to find this team with so much heart!

Oh wow they are getting BOOED at this away game. You know they’re good now!

“You never saw so many people so quiet.” I love Vince and his mom’s relationship so much, my heart.

Oh god is daddy all drunk kissing up on his wife who is SOBER? Sir, what do you not understand about sobriety?

Oop and he’s got “gifts.” What shit is he back into?

Wow, hands on the mom and he’s clearly dropped the drugs he’s flipping. There it is.

Yes to the BBQ people asking if the MOM is alright and kicking the dad’s sorry ass out. That’s how we do it.

I really love the way they’re transitioning through this period of playoffs—the locker room updates to their progress with the radio in the background, the chants after each win — then making way for Eric dropping Tami off at the airport. Semifinals are here.

“The time when I need you the most?” “You really gonna bring this up now, on the way to the airport?” Tami’s right, she’s been nothing but straightforward all along! Tami supports you, Eric, let her have her fucking moment.

“Well, you’re kicking my ass.” “Yes, that’s right. Your ass needs some kicking.” “Who’s going to cook dinner for me?” “Oh, poor baby. Gracie.” LMAOOOO yes Tami! Get him! I’m dying.

Okay, Eric, you are forgiven—he looked up the female football coach to talk to Jess about but got the last name wrong!

“14,000 high school football coaches in the country, and that’s one. One out of 14,000. You like those odds?” “No, I think they kind of stink.” “So do I.” Awwww.

“I’m not asking to play.” YES JESS! I love the growth she’s shown over her two seasons. Now she knows what she wants! And her persistence is paying off—Eric’s gonna let her shadow him?! My heart!

Damn Tim is VERY bothered by Becky working at the family business (The Landing Strip.)

Oh God what i feel like Tim sees in “one of Becky’s regular customers” is someone he has an excuse to let out his aggression on. He’s clearly just so fucked up by his life not being what he wanted it to be—and by even the life of those he loved and left behind on the outside not being what he wants for them.

“She’s 17 years old!!!! A high school junior!” I mean, FAIR. Fair fucking point.

Oh fuck this emotional scene between Tim and Billy in the parking lot...DAMN that was a hard punch in the face Tim just gave Billy.

WOW Tim is gonna hold onto taking the fall for Billy for a long time. Fuck. “For the rest of my life, if that’s how I feel it needs to be.”

Billy looks so fucking sad on his knees in the parking lot.

Regina changed the locks! Yes gurl, do not let that man back into your home!

He’s trying to break down the door...oh honey, no. “You’re blowing it, Pop!” I’m so proud of Regina for standing up for herself and Vince.

The visual of Luke riding up next to Tim’s car, and then driving past Becky and Tim fighting, as they pause to watch him go...ART. Also, why is Tim so resolutely like “I got to go. I got to go.” Intrigued.

“There’s only gonna be one football team in Dillon next year.” “Well, which program are they cutting?” “That’s next week’s fight.” DAMN. So much is happening in one night!

Yep, Eric just summed it up to that reporter: “One of those teams is going to state. And i don’t think you’re gonna eliminate a team that goes to state.” They’re fighting for the very existence of their team AND the state championship in one! This show!

Oh wow Luke does NOT want to hear Becky’s apology. Oh nooo!

Aw Regina and Vince communicating about how she needs to “take a meeting” so she can’t come to the game and him saying that’s more important...again, the growth! My heart!

OH they made up Braemore? Really sounded like Bryn Mawr LOL. Go Tami!!!

(These white dudes do not want to hear a woman saying they should rethink their approach. STOP YELLING AT HER, SHE’S RIGHT.)

Oh Mindy, crying at Tim not to go, about how much Billy cries at night, how much they both love Tim. IM EMOTIONAL

“You’re different, you know that?” “Yeah. I am.” ABOLISH PRISONS.

DAMN this semi final game is a NAILBITER

They did it at the last minute, YES!!! Nothing beats the excitement on the team’s faces as they embrace!

Damn Tim returning to his old trailer? Drinking beers alone and doing very not well as he listens to the radio static. Sigh, poor angsty boy.

Aw the woman who interviewed Tami is so kind. Telling her she did well at dinner.

I literally gasped then went AHHH! when the college dude came to dinner and Tami’s all politely like “thanks for the opportunity!” And the guy’s like, “yeah yeah i have two kids to put to bed, anyway we’re offering you that old asshole’s job.” “Dean of Admissions???” YES QUEEN

Damn Eric and Tami are BOTH killing the game, what a fucking power couple.

Eric has the whiteboard on the bus to accompany this “we’re going to state” chant. Amazing.

“We missed the field house.” “We’re not going to the field house.” OMG all their fans are waiting outside to cheer for them as they return?? How beautiful!

Oh my poor babe Vince, all he wants is to know his mom is safe.

YES he found his mom! My heart dropped when Vince’s face betrayed some fear he couldn’t find her. I’m so glad they can celebrate together, oh my heart.

And then you see Eric looking around for Tami, lost because she’s across the country contemplating a life-changing job offer...WOW. Two episodes left and the deck is truly STACKED. This show is art.

[artificialqueens]

Not Nineteen Forever (9) (Branjie/Scyvie) - Ortega

a/n: it’s BA-ACK! hope u guys enjoy this chapter, and as always pls send me love to my blog/to this blog because i love attention xo

please note: this fic contains young adults often behaving in irresponsible/unadvisable ways with regards to alcohol, drugs and sex. if you are someone who feels as if they could be heavily influenced by fic and incorporate what happens in the plot into ur own life, pls steer clear!

summary: Brooke, Yvie and Nina are three flatmates who forged a friendship in their first year of university and picked up some other waifs and strays along the way. Now in their final year, there are feelings that need to be unravelled and confessions to be made whilst navigating drunk nights, hungover mornings, takeaways, group chats, library meetups, cafe gossiping, and the small matter of getting a degree.

last chapter: supermarket chaos, and Brooke found out about the Branjie sweepstake. she didn’t take it well.

this chapter: Brooke and Vanessa talk things out, and there’s apologies to be said.

***

It had started to rain. Brooke was beginning to regret her choice of jacket- a leather one without a hood- but she had been going to wash her hair that evening anyway, and she supposed that was the least of her worries at the moment. As the rain began to batter down, Brooke realised that half the reason why her face was wet was because she was crying. It didn’t make any sense for that to be the case- Brooke was angry, fucking fuming to be specific, but she wasn’t necessarily sad. Perhaps embarrassed was the correct word, she thought, as she swiped at her face with her sleeve. The thought of her entire friendship group having a good laugh at her and Vanessa’s expense made her cheeks burn and the blood in her veins do the same.

Brooke didn’t really know where she was walking to, but she knew where she was walking from, and she was damned if she was going back to the flat anytime soon. Sniffing harshly, she removed her phone from her pocket and called Vanessa, the other girl picking up in about one and a half rings.

“Hey.”

“Hey, baby,” Vanessa’s voice was defeated. Brooke decided it was the worst thing she’d ever heard in her entire life.

“Sorry for phoning. I just had to talk to you after all that shit on the group chat, I mean…how could they fucking do that, Ness, our own fucking friends? I just-”

“I’m fuckin’ raging at them, Brooke, honestly. I went out for shopping then I got those messages through and I’ve not been able to concentrate since. I’ve just been pacin’ and pacin’ around Sainsbury’s like a fuckin’ bear in a zoo. Look, where are you just now?”

“Um,” Brooke began, scanning her surroundings. She’d been walking so fast that she’d barely been taking them in. “In the middle of the park. I’m about five minutes from Sainsbury’s, actually.”

“I’ll meet you halfway, okay? See you soon.“

With that, Vanessa abruptly hung up. Brooke took it more as a comment on her friends and not herself. As she began walking with some purpose at last, Brooke found herself wondering what she was actually going to say to Vanessa when they saw each other. Rant, probably. But there was something that instantly calmed Brooke down knowing she would be seeing Vanessa soon and get to hold her, having her reassure her and placate her.

It ended up being about three-quarters due to Vanessa’s shorter legs rendering her slower and Brooke’s long ones ensuring she took big strides. Brooke saw her coming towards her from a distance just at the park’s edge and as they both reached out for a hug, they crashed into each other with a force that accurately conveyed both their anger and just how much they seemed to have missed each other in the 24 hour period they’d been apart.

“Fuck them,” Vanessa muttered into Brooke’s jacket. She was wearing her massive parka, the one with the fluffy pink hood. To Brooke, it made her all the more cuddly. She gave her a squeeze around her middle and tilted her chin up to press a quick kiss to her lips, coming back again for a second, then a third.

“Let’s go somewhere,” Brooke decided, slipping her arm through Vanessa’s and instantly feeling about 80% calmer. “There’s that new bar that opened up round the corner. Could try there?”

They walked towards it wordlessly, a journey that only took about three minutes but in that time hundreds of unsavoury thoughts had begun to swirl around in Brooke’s head like floating bits of food waste down a plughole. She waited until they had found a booth through the back in relative quiet and until Vanessa had shrugged her damp jacket off before she let rip.

“I just can’t fucking believe it, Ness. Like, I know we kept stuff from everyone but a fucking sweepstake. Jesus Christ. The thought of everyone sitting and putting bets and watching our every move…like how long has it been going on for?! How long have we just been like performing monkeys to them?! I mean Christ, we only just found out we liked each other less than a month ago!” Brooke hissed, Vanessa sitting and nodding rapidly in affirmation as she spoke.

“I’m just hurt,” she sighed heavily, breaking Brooke’s heart in the process. “I mean I don’t know why I didn’t tell Silk and Kiki, but I just…didn’t. Everything was so new and weird between us. Hell, I guess it still is."

Brooke smiled back at Vanessa across the table, who was shooting a shy one her way. "I guess that was why I never told Yvie and Nina either. I didn’t want them making fun of us. Guess that turned out well."

Vanessa gave a quick laugh that lit up Brooke’s insides. She fumbled around in her jacket pocket for her purse. "What do you want to drink? I’ll get them in."

Too exhausted to argue over who was paying, Brooke conceded. "Gin and lemonade.”

Vanessa gave a wordless nod as she strutted up to the bar. Self-conscious of being left on her own, Brooke took out her phone and flipped it over in her hands. There weren’t any new messages to the chat- it was likely that the girls were using whatever one they had for the sweepstake to talk about what had happened in private- but Brooke had a string of missed calls from Yvie and Nina, and a few from Scarlet. There was a sole voicemail from Nina, which Brooke listened to.

“Brooke, hey, it’s me. Call me when you get this, or Yvie, or any of us really. We’re all really sorry and we’re worried about you.”

At that moment, Brooke could hear Yvie’s voice in the background, panicked and harsh, yelling at Nina about how nobody left voicemails in this day and fucking age and how Brooke was unlikely to even listen to it.

“Uh, yeah, so to sum up- we’re sorry, we love you, call us. Bye.”

Brooke couldn’t help but quirk a smile at that. She loved Nina so much, the girl was so kind-hearted and loving and caring. Which was why it made her betrayal all the more hurtful and so damn fucking confusing. Why would Nina do something like that to Brooke? Unless of course, Nina didn’t see it that way at all. Unless she really genuinely thought Brooke and Vanessa would have found it funny.

Brooke was deep in thought as Vanessa returned with one gin and lemonade, one pink gin and lemonade, and a packet of salt and vinegar kettle chips.

“Fifteen forty-five for all of that. You better buy me some diamonds or some shit and then we’re even,” she quipped, raising her eyebrows as she sat down opposite Brooke. She smiled indulgently at her.

“Can I ask you something?” Brooke began hesitantly, her mind still working overtime. “If I had wanted to set up a sweepstake about like…Scarlet and Yvie. Or Nina and Monet. Would you have gone along with it?”

Vanessa shrugged and sipped her drink. “Yeah, because that shit’s funny. And cute, because it’s them. It’s different with us. We ain’t…you know. We ain’t like them.”

Brooke frowned a little and tried not to dwell on Vanessa’s justification, focusing more on her current train of thought. “But maybe that’s what the others thought when they made that sweepstake for us. Maybe they genuinely thought it was funny."

Vanessa narrowed her eyes. "Nina thinks that Michael MacIntyre is a funny comedian, it don’t make her correct.”

Brooke pulled a face and sipped her own drink. She’d been so angry and quick to judge, but now that she was with Vanessa and she’d had time to calm down, maybe the others were right. Maybe they’d both gone about this whole thing in the wrong way. Brooke hadn’t realised she’d been staring into space until she heard Vanessa drum on the table with her nails.

“So, uh,” she bit her lip and smiled up at Brooke. “You like me, huh?”

Brooke’s blood suddenly turned to ice. “What?”

Vanessa had gone a little bit red. It was out of character for her, and it made Brooke blush as well. “Earlier. You basically said you liked me.”

Brooke felt her speech catch in her throat. “Well I meant…we had that conversation in Liezen-”

“About how we liked kissing each other, yeah. And then we had a conversation about how we liked fuckin’ each other. But we’ve never had a conversation about actually liking each other. You were the one that said that,” Vanessa finished Brooke’s sentence mischievously. Brooke suddenly found herself wishing she was directly above a trapdoor that would plummet her into the Earth’s core and burn her to a crisp. She simply stared at Vanessa with her mouth open slightly, wondering what the correct thing to say was. Vanessa only laughed in response, growing more red as she spoke again. “So you like me?"

Brooke forced herself to look at the table top. If she looked at Vanessa she’d die. This was the moment she’d been waiting basically her entire university career for, the speech she’d been rehearsing for about three years, so why couldn’t she physically speak? She took a sip of her drink and grew a set of balls and locked eyes with Vanessa. "Yeah, I do.”

Vanessa’s face broke out into an uncontrollable smile as she tipped her head back to the ceiling, and Brooke found her heart going into cardiac arrest. “Do you, uh. Do you…feel…the same about me?"

Vanessa burst out laughing, Brooke wondering how what felt like her life hanging in the balance could be so funny to her. "Take a fuckin’ guess.”

Brooke spluttered an awkward, nervous laugh. It seemed like a yes? She felt like Vanessa wouldn’t have taken things as far as they’d gone if it wasn’t. “Yes?”

Vanessa tucked her hair behind her ears, tried to suppress her smile, and failed. In a quiet voice, she confirmed. “Fuck, Brooke…I’m crazy about you”

Brooke felt her heart explode and her eyes transform into love hearts and all of her insides get churned around like a cement mixer. She laughed and reached for Vanessa’s hand across the table. “Jesus. Well. Good. Okay. I really want to kiss you.”

Vanessa rapidly bounced into the seat beside Brooke like an excitable bunny and met her lips with her own. They kissed hard and passionately, and Vanessa had her hands tangled in Brooke’s damp hair and fuck, Brooke would need to pull away before things escalated and they were barred from the pub for doing something indecent. So Brooke pulled back, Vanessa tilting her head up needily, pouting and letting out a small whine.

“Whining,” Brooke simply said, a warning tone to her voice which made Vanessa’s pout get bigger and her eyes flash a little with lust. It shot Brooke back to when Vanessa was writhing underneath her with her face buried in the pillow and her hips squirming and bucking, as Brooke made her beg for what she wanted and the other girl kept up a litany of moans and whines and sighs. Fuck, no wonder Yvie and Nina had called bullshit when Brooke had denied everything. “Bratty behaviour.”

“Yeah well, I like getting my way,” Vanessa shrugged, smiling deliciously and flicking her eyes down to Brooke’s lips. Lowering her voice, she whispered. “And I’m touching myself under the table.”

Brooke almost choked. Rapidly, she craned her neck to find Vanessa’s hands sat against the leather covers of the seat, absolutely nowhere near her crotch. As Brooke sighed in relief and only about 60% disappointment, Vanessa howled a laugh. “Oh my God! Bitch! You are so fucking easy to wind up! It’s too fucking easy!”

“You’re too fucking easy, you big slut,” Brooke deadpanned, pushing Vanessa’s shoulder and letting out a laugh in spite of herself. Sighing, she picked at the crisps. “Speaking of big sluts. Our friends.”

“Yes.”

Brooke exhaled. “You know, now that I actually know you like me, the sweepstake does seem kind of funny.”

Vanessa smiled guiltily. “Yeah. Kinda does.”

Brooke frowned. “I mean they’re still absolute dicks for doing it in the first place, but our friends are dicks. What’s new.”

“True. I’m still mad at them though.”

“Ness. We didn’t tell them a single thing about what’s happening between us. The least they’re going to do is speculate. We did kind of make our beds a little bit here,” Brooke sighed, taking another handful of crisps. Vanessa exhaled and rolled her eyes.

“Can we at least make them feel real shit about it?”

“Yes. Although I don’t know if you’ll succeed with Silky.”

“That bitch could bomb half the Southern hemisphere and she’d still maintain it was the funniest joke she’d ever played,” Vanessa raised her eyebrows, Brooke snorting a laugh beside her. As they both grew quiet, Brooke found herself laying a protective arm over Vanessa’s shoulders.

“Hey. You okay?”

Vanessa looked up at her, her dark eyes and blown pupils making them seem so huge and deep, and Brooke knew they weren’t girlfriends yet but she felt so lucky to even be with her, beside her, knowing that she liked her and Vanessa liked her back. That was enough for now.

“I’m good. I just don’t want to go back to the flat. It’s gonna be awkward,” Vanessa pouted, Brooke pulling a face as she agreed.

“It will. But you’ll be fine. You’ll all talk it out and we’ll all go back to normal. That’s all I want to do at the moment.“

"You want to…oh,” Vanessa’s face looked downcast, and Brooke instantly registered that she’d got the wrong end of the stick.

“No, no, no, not with us! I’m happy for us to still be doing…all this,” Brooke gave Vanessa’s shoulder a squeeze and the other girl relaxed. “This is good. I like it. It’s like an upgraded version of friendship.”

“Right,” Vanessa smiled cheekily, Brooke now able to fully relax.

They finished up their drinks and the rest of the crisps and made their way outside, where it had stopped raining and was now just replaced with cold dampness, puddles on the pavement shining despite the clouds. Brooke’s arm had moved to rest around Vanessa’s waist at her hip, and she didn’t really want to let go. Knowing they were about to leave each other, Vanessa turned and kissed Brooke gently, something almost fragile to it as if she was afraid she’d fracture or break.

Unable to believe it, Brooke asked Vanessa to confirm. “So, uh. You actually like me?”

Vanessa burst out laughing, Brooke feeling as if she was blushing all the way up to her scalp. “Of course I do, you fuckin’ idiot.”

Brooke couldn’t help the dumb smile that spread across her face. The novelty of knowing that would never wear off.

They squeezed each other a goodbye, and Brooke started back to her flat. She suddenly felt the trepidation overtake her, wondering what would happen when she arrived back. Would Yvie be furious at her? She seemed pretty apologetic when Brooke had been shouting at her. Fuck, why did she shout at her? Yvie was her best friend, for fuck’s sake, and things had already been so fragile between them. She’d wanted to make amends, Brooke had known that, and then she’d overreacted and ruined it all. Brooke felt the tears sting at her eyes as she quickened her pace. What if Nina hated her now too? Kind, sweet Nina who had never done anything malicious to anyone in her life. Scarlet had been at the flat too. She probably thought Brooke was a complete and utter dick for the way she’d acted. Jesus Christ, everyone probably hated her. What was the point of going home? Everyone was talking about her on that separate group chat, probably wondering how they could avoid her for the rest of the year. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

By the time Brooke got home and climbed the numerous stairs up to her flat she was hyperventilating so badly that her chest felt tight and constricted, as if a snake had wrapped itself around her ribcage. She immediately stumbled through to the kitchen, filled up the nearest glass (she didn’t care if it was clean or dirty), reached up to her shelf on the cupboard and ripped into the little packet of beta blockers she kept there. She took one every morning but sometimes life called for two per day, even though the packet urged her not to and her anxiety often spiked after the second one anyway as she panicked and worried about heart failure.

Brooke took deep breaths and steadied herself against the kitchen counter. The small living room was empty and Brooke knew exactly where Yvie and Nina would be. She wondered if Scarlet was still here, embarrassment overtaking her and threatening to ruin the tiny, fragile, tissue-paper level of calm she’d managed to return herself to. She took two more deep breaths, pressing her feet deeply into the soles of her shoes and trying to ground herself as much as she could. She had to face the girls at some stage. They were her flatmates, for fuck’s sake.

So Brooke tentatively slipped off her trainers, still absolutely soaked from the rain and the various puddles she’d stepped in on the way home. She knocked on Yvie’s door and waited for the shouts of “come in”- two, not three, she noted. Opening the door, she saw Yvie and Nina tucked up in Yvie’s bed together, both on their phones. They put them down as Brooke came in and smiled- Nina’s was warm and Yvie’s more nervous.

“Hey,” Yvie was the first to speak, Nina opening her arms and Brooke feeling herself flopping down on top of the duvet in the small space between her two flatmates.

“ ’M sorry,” she muttered, the proud side of her hoping that the duvet would conceal most of her apology. Brooke heard Nina tut and felt a body lean over to hug her.

“No, baby, we’re sorry. We’ve been shit friends and shouldn’t have put that pressure on you and Vanessa to do anything. We thought it was just a joke, but it’s your damn potential relationship. We should have thought,” Nina sighed, Brooke immediately consumed with guilt at having ever been angry with her friends.

“I mean, you did still behave like an asshole,” Brooke heard Yvie’s voice, causing her to let out a laugh. Funny cuz it’s true. “But so did we. And we’re sorry.”

Brooke sat up on her elbows and finally faced her friends, her best fucking friends in the world. She realised she was crying again and got annoyed at herself. “Stupid fucking tears.”

“Tears are valid! Crying is valid! Don’t you dare bottle shit up!” Nina chastised her, coming across as more of a mum than ever. Brooke let out a half-sob, half-laugh.

“I should’ve let you guys in, I should’ve talked to you about it. About everything. Maybe you would’ve helped me make sense of the fucking mincemeat that Vanessa’s turned my brain into. I’m so sorry,” Brooke sighed, Yvie opening her arms for a cuddle which she accepted gratefully.

“We’re sorry. You’re sorry. We’re all sorry. Let’s be friends again, bitch, I hate falling out with you,” Yvie pleaded, Brooke squeezing her tight and feeling a soft weight against her as Nina joined in the hug.

“I love you guys so much,” Brooke whispered, Nina and Yvie returning the sentiment and Brooke finally feeling as if something in her life was settled. They stayed cuddled up as Brooke frowned.

“Where’s Scarlet?”

“Went home. She thought we’d need some flat time when you got back.”

“Fuck, Yvie-”

“If you apologise again I’m going to smack you. We’re fine. I also have a fuckton of bolognaise that can’t all fit into the freezer so if you’re really sorry you’ll eat it all,” Yvie deadpanned, then noticed the look of acceptance on Brooke’s face. “Brooke it’s a fucking joke, right, it’s a fucking joke, please don’t gorge yourself on bolognaise trying to prove something.”

Brooke felt a small bubble of laughter escape her mouth, and Nina began chuckling beside her until all three of the friends were laughing in a heap on Yvie’s bed.

“I feel like I’ve missed so much. How is Scarlet? How are you two going?” Brooke asked, staring up at Yvie’s ceiling.

“We’re good. She’s…amazing. She’s funny and dorky and cute and a complete dumbass whilst simultaneously being the most intelligent person I’ve ever met. She’s a fucking kinky bitch though, complete definition of a dark horse,” Yvie let out a small laugh, Nina gasping theatrically.

“Oh my Christ! A match made in heaven if ever there was one.”

“Excuse me, Miss, don’t think you get off easy,” Brooke sat up on her elbow and turned to her. “You and Monet? What’s that all about, you actually got your shit together and told her that you like her?”

“Not exactly,” Nina began to explain, her face already strawberry-red as she spoke about her crush (or maybe girlfriend. Fuck, Brooke had missed a lot). “She took the lead on everything. Told me she’d liked me since we started taking the same modules together this year. Told me I was the most beautiful girl she’d ever met. Basically filling my head with lies.”

“Shut up, you insecure son of a bitch, and accept the love,” Yvie thumped her, Nina giving an exaggerated cry.

“We went for a date the other day. It was so nice, Brooke, she’s a total sweetheart. I can’t believe she actually likes me, of all people,” Nina’s voice grew small, and Brooke felt guilt stab at her stomach. Nina hadn’t had any relationships for as long as Brooke had known her, so of course as she was about to enter into a potential one she’d be doubting herself and wondering and worrying too much. Brooke needed to be there for her.

“Of course she likes you. You’re legitimately the best person I know,” Brooke pouted. “Yvie’s right. Don’t you dare overthink this, bitch. Monet likes you, it’s that simple.”

Nina raised her eyebrows and fixed Brooke with a look of disbelief. “Brooke Lynn Hytes is telling me not to overthink things? Jesus, someone call Trevor McDonald. I want to put this on the News at 10.”

As the girls laughed and Brooke rolled her eyes, Yvie’s phone began to ring. Brooke and Nina listened with interest as she answered, the smile that appeared when she saw who was calling dictating it could only be Scarlet.

“Hey, boo…no, she’s back now…about ten minutes ago. Okay,” a laugh and then Yvie’s face grew red. “Okay…okay, I’ll see you. Okay. Lov- Okay. Bye!”

Brooke and Nina exchanged a look. Brooke knew what she’d heard. Or, almost heard. Nina spoke before her.

“Was that an, um…an L-word that almost got dropped there, Yvelynn Oddly?” she said schemingly, Yvie’s face suddenly appearing as pink as if she’d been smacked.

“What? No? You guys,” Yvie muttered, rolling her eyes and throwing her phone down on the bed. Brooke raised an eyebrow at her.

“Excuse me, I just learned my lesson here. Share shit with your friends. Come on, spill the fucking beans or we’ll start a sweepstake about you.”

“It’s honestly nothing.”

“We want to hear anything! However mediocre,” Nina cried, sitting bolt upright excitedly. Yvie rolled her eyes.

“Fine. I’ll spill the mediocrity and beans,” she sighed, shrugging and pausing before she spoke. “You guys know I love you, because I tell you all the time. I tell all my friends all the time. And I used to tell Scarlet all the time too but now, of course…it means a hell of a lot more.”

“Oh, babe,” Brooke sighed sympathetically. It had never occurred to her before, but she used to do the same with Vanessa, and Vanessa used to tell her all the time too. It was one of the things that used to stab at her heart, a small twist of a knife in her stomach. Since Yvie’s birthday, neither of them had said it to the other. Brooke missed it.

“I keep going to say it when I usually would…at the end of phonecalls…when we say goodbye to each other…when she does something nice for me. And I know all of our other areas of the whole relationship are going fast, like we were already girlfriends and I barely even took her on a date. I’m just cautious, but even though I’m trying hard not to say it, it still threatens to come out at times.”

“There’s a difference between being in love with someone and just loving them,” Nina chimed in thoughtfully.

“No, I know,” Yvie reassured her. “But at the same time, I don’t know what the fuck it feels like to be in love with someone either! It’s never happened to me before. So how the fuck am I supposed to know? Shit, I could be in love with Scarlet and I might not even know.”

Brooke bit her lip, completely understanding where Yvie was coming from. She cast a glance to Nina and felt her stomach tighten. Out of the three of them, none were particularly well-versed in relationships. Yvie had seen a couple of girls over the years and was the queen of one night stands, but nothing had ever come of them. Brooke had dated a couple of guys back in her first year back when she still thought she was bi and then had realised she was 100% lesbian when she’d taken her first girl back from the gay club in town, then after that she’d spent most of her time pining over Vanjie. And Nina was Nina. The girl would have to be waterboarded before she actively made a move on someone. She let out a laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Nina asked, already smiling. Brooke’s laugh got louder and she let out a faux-scream.

“Bitch! Look at us. We’ve all finally got the girls we like to like us back and none of us knows what the fuck to do about it!”

Yvie and Nina joined in with her laughter, soon growing hysterical as the girls screeched beside her. They were soon interrupted by all three of their phones going off at the same time.

“Vanjie’s been reinstated. Shit, I need to change her nickname,” Yvie smiled, pouncing on her phone. Smiling, Brooke checked her phone.

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline added Vanessa Vanjie Mateo.

Vanessa Vanjie Mateo: Alright hoes

Vanessa Vanjie Mateo: Two things

Yvie Oddly set the nickname for Vanessa Vanjie Mateo to Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie.

Okay Then: (shrek voice) OH HELLO THERE

Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: Who’s down for film night at ours tonight

Kim Kardashian-West: ALL OF US!!!

Yvie’s bitch: MEEEEE xxxxxxxxxxxx

Okay Then: Okay then

Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: Second thing

Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: Who had Yvie’s birthday in the sweepstake

“Bitch!! Knew it!!” Yvie laughed, thumping Brooke on the arm, the other girl laughing good-humouredly. She shot a message off to Vanessa.

Brooke: Things went well with Silk and Akeria then? xxx

Vanessa: Silk actually apologised wtf

Vanessa: but yeah they were cute and it went well xxx

Brooke: Good. I’ll come over with the girls later xxx

Vanessa: Staying over?

Brooke’s heart gave a jump.

Brooke: Yes! If you want me to

Vanessa: Always want you to boo xxx

Brooke turned her phone over and listened to Yvie, now stressed and talking about their upcoming exams. In contrast, Brooke hadn’t felt this calm in a long while.

[otherfandomsrun]

Pillow Fight Crush x Reader Fluff

Wrote this for my bestfriend! @myrandom-fandomlife This is my first ever fanfic, so ya know don't judge too hard. I didn't proof read too much and I'm bad at honestly everything about writting but hope you like it!!!

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It was the last day of your sophomore year and you were the most excited you've been in a long time. Tomorrow you were having a party and there were going to be a lot of people there. One of which may or may not be your crush, C/N. You've liked him for the longest time but you never thought it would work out. He just doesn't see you that way but oh well at least you can keep him in your life as a friend.

The second the last bell rang everyone ran into the hall way. You saw your friends and ran over to hug them. You started to talk and a few of them started to cry. You felt someone tap you on the shoulder. You were so excited that when you spent around so fast you became dizzy.

"Woah!" You felt hands on your shoulders helping to steady you. "Don't fall!" Your vision cleared and you quickly realized that it was C/N. You felt a little embarrassed but you laughed along with him anyway.

"Hey, C/N! Sorry I'm just happy it's the last day but I won't see most of my friends over the summer so that's kinda sad but at least I'll see them next year." You shrugged not really minding. This year you had been so busy. You and your bestfriend were the football managers at your school and you both were cheerleaders too so you two were constantly washing the dirty jerseys, picking sweaty boys up in your cars to drive them to and from practice, all while going to the games and cheering for your team, going to cheer camps, practicing after school and going to work after all that. And when football was over you were on the volleyball team going to camps, practicing, and even going being in marching band. To sum it up you were tired!

"Well you'll see us all tomorrow!" He said smiling. God this boy was gorgeous. Everytime he was close you could only think about what it would be like to walk the hallways holding his hand. Knowing that he would be yours and only yours. You hurried to push those thoughts out of your mind hoping that you haden't been staring long. Realizing what he had said you replied, "You're coming?!"

"Yes of course I'm coming. I wouldn't ever miss it. I'll see you then, bye!" He leaned in and gave you a quick hug then ran off and started to walk by his friends. You watched him look back at you as he turned the corner. You guys smiled and waved at eachother goodbye - or at least until tomorrow.

That night you did everything. You shaved, exfoliated, put on face masks, lathered your entire body in lotion, and painted your nails. You looked amazing, felt like a baby, and your legs were so shiny you could see your reflection in them. You went to sleep at around 11. The party started at 1 tomorrow but you decided to wake up at 10. 11 hours of sleep was enough.

When you woke up you immediately got ready. You wore a pair of white denim shorts a pink crop top and white Van's. Pretty basic but it was cute.

People started to show up very fast. At about 1:30 everybody was there but you hadn't seen C/N yet and you started to wonder whether or not he was coming.

You went over to some of your friends and started to talk to them not as excited as before when all the sudden ...."Y/N!" Hands came up to your shoulders and shook you.

"OH MY GOD!" You basically died right there you got so scared. Well at least you knew C/N was here. When you turned around you out your head in your hand and started laughing, "Jesus, you scared me!" You took a deep breath and looked up while being pulled into a hug. "I almost thought you weren't coming."

You pulled away and crossed your arms. He got a tan scince yesterday and boy did he look good. He was basically a greek god in your eyes.

"What?! No, I told you yesterday that I was coming. I got held up in traffic. Ya know you live quite far away from me." He added in a 'matter of fact' tone.

About 30 minutes went by and the party had moved outside. Most people were playing some ninja game but a few of us were sitting in the shade having fun talking to one another.

It was about 97°F outside. So in other words freakin' hot. "Hey do you want to go inside because it's way too hot out here." You looked over covering your face as the sun had moved since you sat down and was now in your eyes. C/N looked over, "Yeah, I'm really hot." Yeah you are, you added in your mind.

You two headed inside to your room not wanting to draw any attention from your friends at the moment just wanting to cool down. You got to your room and shut the door both of you flopping down onto your bed, him laying down with his legs hanging off the bed while you propping yourself up with your arms.

"Hey, Y/N, can we turn on some music?" He looked over at you and you obviously couldn't say no.

"Yeah, you want to choose?" You gave him the phone and watched what playlist he picked. Great he went with your Aesthetic playlist. Almost every song on there was a love song. He looked through the playlist.

"I haven't heard most of these." He put the list on shuffle. Put Your Head On My Shoulder started to play softly in the background.

"What no this is a love song. Let's play something else." You proceeded to try and grab your phone when he suddenly pulled his hand back.

"No! I like this song!" You sat up and leaned over him to get your phone. He moved his hand from his side to above his head. You put your leg over him and straddled him, leaning over his head you still couldn't get your phone. Giving up you leaned back while sitting on him.

"I give up your arms are too long!" He slyly slipped his hands over the sides of the pillow.

"Liar! You can reach them you just dont want too." He stared at you laughing. You were very confused.

"And why would I wa-" BAM! A pillow wa shoved in your face. You couldn't stop laughing as you shoved the pillow down onto his stomach.

"Oops." He said while shrugging in a 'I didnt know' way. Right at that moment you felt the blood rush to your face as you realized that you were in your room, straddling C/N, and his hands were resting just above your knees. You rushed to look away. You were blushing so hard that you might just look like a red lightbulb if you stared any longer. You covered your face to make sure he didnt see you. You felt Y/N's hands leave your legs and land on your arms to pull them away from your face.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Fake concern was written all over your face. Does he know? No he couldn't plus he would never tease me like this if he knew just how much I liked him. You looked up and away smiling, "Nothing" you laughed a little.

"Oh yeah, then why is your face so red?" He pressed on.

"Oh my gosh. My face is always red!" Your heart was racing. He hadn't told you to get off or that you guys should go back outside. Your anxiety was at an all time high. One of his hands traveled up to your chin and turned your head. Your grin faded to a small slime when you met his eyes.

"No it's not. I see it enough to know." You didnt know how to respond you were so nervous. He leaned up on his elbows and whispered, "Come here Y/N." His hands pressed against your back you leaned down. Your lips met with his and it felt like the best moment of your life. His lips were warm and softer than you expected. You cradled his face and laid back down. He removed the pillow between you two and held you in a hug as tight as he could your lips moving in synch with his. You pulled away breathless but not letting it show.

"I hope that means that you like me." You opened your eyes to stare at his E/C ones. He took a deep breath and replied, "Of course I do. Who wouldn't?"

He chuckled and you both sat up. "So you want to be my girlfriend? Ya know, go on cute dates and cuddle in the movies?" You hugged him and whispered, "Yes! Oh my god, yes."

You just sat there and hugged for a while. He pulled away a few inches and started to kiss all around your face. You both were a giggling mess.

The door opened and there stood your bestfriend, B/F/N. "Oh. Wow. Well I hate to interrupt whatever is going on here but your dad is looking for you in the yard so ummmm.... you might want to get out there." She had a huge smile on her face, turned around, and closed the door. You look over and C/N says, "We should go now." You agree and go back outside.

After the party is over and C/N leaves you tell B/F/N everything that happened. Both of you were dying by the end.

[movedyourchair505]

Napule Nights - trentotto

So basically, Denise gave me the idea for this one a while ago and I absolutely loved it and discussed it with Elana instantly and this is the result x

- chapter navigation -

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Alex's eyes followed the imaginary shapes the ascending smoke formed over his head, higher and higher until they dissolved, but it was barely a helpful distraction as he waited impatiently, leaned back in his office chair, third smoke within the last ten minutes trapped between his lips while his fingers tapped rhythmically on the top of his desk.

The moment of calm was rare to him, this week particularly because besides the one, sometimes two of his waking hours he'd spent at home, he'd been working without exception, had at the same time allowed Jade to assist just as much with whatever she could, and it was a comfort to him that as eager she was to see him in the evenings, the mornings, she was equally as ambitious when it came to contributing to the business. But as much as it eased him, it had been fifteen minutes, since she had been supposed to be back, he'd told Matt to bring her straight to his office so they could go home together. He'd wanted to stop by Miles' place on the way, but now that he was growing more and more worried, felt more and more on edge, he couldn't think about anything else but her, tempted to ask his security outside if there was something was wrong but he knew that if there was, he'd be the first to know, and there was no way that anything would happen because he'd increased security, for her and her work in particular, but what if anyone could still find a way around it?

He knew he wouldn't be able to deal with another incident like before, knew that it would not be bearable, not for his business, his reputation, and not for him. But before he could ultimately get carried away, there was a knock on the door of his office, his heart sinking but the second he gave the command to enter, the familiar clicking of her heels overshadowed everything else and he rose to his feet, walking around his desk and stood in front of her in no time, overwhelmed by how extraordinary she looked all over again, the lace lingerie-esque top hugging her body seductively, the pale yellow a contrast to her tanned skin as well as the tight, jam coloured skirt.

She smiled softly when she saw him, had been looking forward to seeing him today and couldn't wait for him to take her home, after spending the whole day focusing and working, she was more than ready for him to take her mind off everything, but there was a damper put instantly on her excitement when she saw the look on his face, his eyes wide, his jaw tense. "Baby?" She asked, moving her hands to close two buttons on his shirt, adjusting his collar.

He swallowed hard, tried to compose himself, his adam's apple straining in his throat, the pent up tension in his body not yet eased. "Yeh was supposed teh beh 'ere twenteh minutes ago."

She blinked, her lips parting and she tilted her head, closed her mouth again and took a breath before she spoke. "The exchange took a bit longer, but Helders made me wait in the car when the informant didn't show right away" she explained. "He made sure it was safe for me to come out and everythi-..."

She was prepared to continue, but then he'd closed the space between them and pressed his lips to hers, his hand pressed flat to her lower back in a way that left her unable to help her body curving into his, craning towards him, his other hand cupping the side of her face, trapping her and consuming her, smoke and something sweet, syrupy, and spice, taste blurring with scent, it was overwhelming even though it'd been just a few hours, but the warmth of his touch soothed her instantly, the possessiveness of his lips moving with hers, pressing her body as close to his as he could, and refusing to let go because he needed to know she was there.

She was panting when he let go, brushed her hair back affectionatedly, the soft chocolate brown of his eyes resting on her face. "Should we go?" She asked, breathless, and eager to distract him, take him home and take his mind off things the way she knew he was going to for her.

She snapped him out of his thoughs and he gave a quick nod, drawing back only to get his things and she helped him into his suit jacket before he looped his arm around her, leading her out of the office. "Weh're gunna stop by Mi on the way 'ome" he declared. "'aven't seen 'im in a few dehs." He felt more collected now to think about something else, the way she pressed herself to his side and kissed his jaw all the reassurance he needed.

"Intesi" she agreed, letting him lead her outside and pressing another kiss to his jaw when he gestured for Helders and Cook to step aside so he could open the door for her, once inside, it was impossible for him to keep his hands off her, one arm wrapped possessively around her shoulders, his hand resting on her thigh, never allowing her to miss his touch even on the way up into the building and the short time they stood in the lift, his grip tightening on her hip when Helders knocked on the apartment door before him and Cook stood on each side.

There was a short silence, then some footsteps approaching, Kane's face bright and beaming as he spotted them. "Ooooh, 'elloo" he chirped, wiggling his eyebrows, his smile reaching from one ear to the other and he opened the door further, gesturing for them to come inside and eagerly closing the door behind them. "'aven't seen yous in a bit, eh?" He smirked. "Can I get ya a drink? Weh're alreadeh well-a'ead, but..." He shrugged, gesturing to the girl sat on the edge of the table in the living room, her heavily-jewelled fingers shuffling a deck of cards, her body clad in a purple lace two-piece, the skirt short, the top offering a few similar to that of Jade's, who she nodded to with a smile, then pushed herself to her feet and walked over slowly to Miles.

Jade's gaze was drawn instantly from Lana to the space around her that demanded imminent attention, it was bright, prints and colours and sensory overflow, and tacky in a way that only Miles Kane could pull off. The walls were turquoise with a floral gold pattern, the sofas and armchairs in the living space shiny and velvet, colours ranging from bright pink to pale orange and several animals prints, leopard, zebra, tiger stripes. The floor was marble, sparkles here and there, and a holographic, multi-coloured chandelier lit the room at the center, the glass reflecting the other patterns and colours, nothing fit together, but that's why it worked. The whole place smelled floral, with a hint of musk, spice, and Jade recognised the music spinning on the record player quietly in the background, one of the dramatic Madama Butterfly pieces.

"Oh, I joost thought weh'd stop by" Alex drawled, his steps coming to a stop. "Didn't kno' yeh 'ad companeh..."

"Well, I already know Lana" Jade laughed, reaching out to smooth back his hair.

"Exactleh" Miles smirked. "Dun't beh silleh. We was joost 'bout teh play sum strip poker. 's more fun wif a bit of a parteh anehweh, innit?"

Alex's eyebrows rose, his gaze wandering from Miles to Lana, then back to Jade whose eyes were already sparkling with excitement. "Fookin' ... no."

Miles rolled his eyes, then winked at Lana before striding forward to extend his hand to Jade, the moment he took it, he drew her towards him and away from Alex, kissing both her cheeks. "And wha' about you, bella?"

"I'd love to" she said, licking her lips, the grin on Kane's face absolutely contagious, and they both turned to look at Alexander who stood tense, his jaw locking.

"Weh're not stayin'."

Miles raised an eyebrow. "Jade is."

It wasn't how she'd expected the night to go, but the suggestion excited her and she pulled her hand slowly from Kane's, walking back towards Alexander, a pout, an irresistible sultry look that could have killed him, her body warm and inviting pressed up against his when her hand came down to gently cup his face.

"'s not like weh 'aven't dune this before" Kane chirped as he nodded for Lana to follow him back to the table, gestured for her to start dealing out the cards while he carried over to more glasses to place down on the shiny glass table, ornated with sparkles on the legs, a clink of glass meeting when he set down the spirit-filled crystal after pouring more.

Jade raised her eyebrows, the smile playing on her lips already bordering victorious after Kane's reveal. "Is that so, Alexander?" She teased, licking her lips. "I don't think you can say no then, I don't think you can deny me the fun."

His lips were straight, his jaw tense. "I can do wha'ever the fook I want" he muttered, gritting his teeth but he knew it wasn't right, and the spark in her eyes, the anticipation flickering across her face, it was irresistible, and he could never be the source of replacing that gaze with something that wasn't pure joy, her smile growing when she could sense him caving.

"Are yeh even wearin' anehfin' underneath, pupa?" He asked, knew there was more worry to be had about the sparse coverage of her skin than his two-piece suit, shiny and dark grey, the midnight blue shirt underneath and besides, he had never lost a game of poker against Miles.

She smirked excitedly, certain she was getting her way and she barely had time to revel in the actual triumph that it was because Kane snapped and called them over again, Alex's fingers on Jade's waist tight as he led her to join the other two so she decided to meet him in the middle, kissed his jaw and whispered against his skin reassuringly. "Mmmm, two piece lingerie and this skirt."

He hummed, swallowed hard and couldn't believe that she had him hypnotised enough to get him to sit opposite Miles and Jade's friend, his fingers instantly finding Jade's thigh as she sat down next to him and gathered her cards in her hands and already purring with delight, giving Kane a thankful smile as she took a sip from the glass he moved over to her, then grabbed a remote from the edge of the table that dimmed the colourful lights.

"You've done this before then?" Jade asked, her inquistive eyes bright, flickering from Kane to Turner.

"Well, so have we" Lana laughed, drawing four cigarettes from a pack on the side of the table and moving two over to Jade along with a lighter, firing one up for her and Kane while Jade secured one between her own lips, then one between Alexander's, her heart skipping a beat when he looked right at her as she lit it.

"Well, never fookin' togefer all of us" Miles cackled, his ring clinking against his glass and he took a sip from the strong liquor, then a drag from his smoke, raking his fingers through his hair, radiating an energy none of the others were able to match, he didn't have much to take off himself, wearing merely a lilac tracksuit with black stripes at the sides, the jacket unzipped and exposing his tanned chest. "So 's about fookin' time!"

Alex rolled his eyes, watching Jade as she arranged her cards with nimble fingers as she held the cigarette between her pillowy lips, remembering when she'd helped him with his poker game, when she'd saved him and hopelessly impressed him despite everything and he ached to pull her into his lap and show her that no matter where they were and what they were doing that she was his, that she belonged to him, but she was on fire the moment the game begun, the first two rounds forcing Miles' jacket and Lana's top, as well as Alex's jacket from them while she stayed clad in the complementary look that Alex was aching to tear off her in private, get on his knees to worship the extraordinaire she was, the powerful smile of satisfaction suiting her face as well as the emerald did her collarbones and he caught himself inching closer to her, drinking more and more, enticed by the way she smelled the closer he got, pouting when she drew away again and raised an eyebrow at him.

"You are not looking at my cards, Alexander."

He huffed, gathering the self-control he could muster to shift to the other side. "Dun't fookin' need teh."

Jade hummed, a triumphant smile spread across her face when she placed down another set of cards that guaranteed success and Alex breathed out with relief, yet found himself exhaling shakily when Miles revealed his own cards and gathered all the chips in the middle, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Do I finalleh get teh see sum of ya, bella?" He asked, tilting his head and nuzzling into the touch of Lana's palm when she stroked the side of his face and shifted closer to him.

"Actually, sexy, I think you might be the only one that hasn't" she teased.

Jade laughed, felt Alexander tense beside her as he slipped out of his croc leather shoes while Lana shook back her hair and drew all of Miles' attention to herselfwith ease when she sat pressed close to him in just her heels and a set of transparent underwear, lace and crimson and only covering the most necessary. "Oh, you'll like that, won't you, Kane?"

Alex's grip tightened on Jade's thigh and he swallowed, his eyes flickering to look from Lana to Jade and while he refused to let her take off more, he ached to see her just as exposed, ached to see every inch of her body, soothed by the way the colour around her neck had been fading more and more, her cuts and bruises healing, her knees promising a position he loved to see her in but he tensed when she stood up and his hand slipped from her thigh, his eyes widening when she started to undo her skirt. "No."

Jade raised an eyebrow at him. "What, handsome?" She teased, licking her lips, unable to keep the smug smile off her face because as well as she knew Lana, she didn't like Alexander looking, she'd watched and waited for his reaction, knew that it was eventually going to happen anyway when she'd agreed to stay for the game, but she hated giving him the satisfaction of matching his worries in something she teased him for, hated losing.

"Take the necklace off first."

Her eyes widened. "No way, Turner" she said, his last name rolling off her tongue in a way that had him despising how natural she made it sound, her voice melodic, purposeful. "You told me to not take it off."

"Fookin' knew I were gunna beh luckeh tonight but the bof of yeh..." Miles said, eyes wandering down Jade's lace lingerie, the pale yellow a beautiful contrast on her bare skin, revealing less than Lana and yet, the excitement was written shamelessly across his face, so much so that he cackled when he saw Alex snap in front of his face.

"Oi" Alex spat, his breath shaking with relief when Jade sat back down and didn't reveal much more than before and he placed his hand back down in its initial position, let it wander slowly up her inner thigh now that the restriction of her skirt was gone but she quickly closed her legs, trapped his hand in between her firm thighs, refusing to let him tease her any further, despite the prominent throbbing sensation between her legs, his possessiveness fuelling her lust as well as the need to capture his full attention.

As soon as she felt him closer again, not just his hands but his entire body, his breath tickling her ear when he spoke, she already found her own game increase in difficulty.

"Jade" he drawled, the depth of his voice thick and promising. "Yeh're fookin' testin' meh." He tried to move his hand but she clamped her own down to wrap her fingers around his wrist, her arm tense.

"I know" she breathed quietly, well-aware that Miles and Lana were preoccupied, she had now shifted to sit on one of his thighs, was trying to keep him at bay, his fingers roaming, lips hidden in the crook of her neck and eliciting quiet sounds from her.

"Dun't yeh pretend, doll..." Alex whispered, pressing a kiss to her sensitive skin just below her ear, a graze of his teeth, his lips irresistible. "I kno' wha' me voice does teh yeh..."

She breathed shakily, needed all her strength to focus on resisting him, watching the game and keep his fingers from where she was most desperate for him. She knew she couldn't control herself for much longer, and she knew exactly what she was doing, already missing what she'd had when he drew his head back, left her teased out of her mind and gagging for more.

With every sip she took from her drink, every time she adjusted her cards, smiled to herself or licked her lips, Alex's attention was drawn further from the game and more towards her, and he knew she was trying to tease him, knew initially that half of the appeal of the game for her had been to be victorious over him, be it in the game or convincing him, but he was practically eating out of the palm of her hand now, watching her every move, growing more desperate by the second, hardly noticing when Lana kicked off her heels and Miles got rid of his rings and chain, possibly to drag the game out further as it could only mean that while not wearing shoes as well, he was most likely not wearing anything under his tracksuit bottoms.

His concentration was merely affected when it was Jade's turn to take something off and it was a long gaze of tease, resistance, back and forth until she kicked off her heels reluctantly, and he sucked in a breath when the most promising selection of cards arranged itself in his hands and while he knew that Jade was too intelligent for her facial expression to match the game, he could tell that this was certainly going to be a round that played out in his favour so he instantly exchanged his best card for an unknown one, keeping up pretenses and revealing the worst set of the round, a smile of satisfaction on his lips when Jade won the round instead.

"Oh, fookin'ell..." he muttered, realising what it meant for him and he started unbuttoning his shirt slowly, knowing that he would have been more bothered by Jade taking off either item of underwear than him exposing his chest and back.

"Most of us 'ave seen" Miles smirked, licking his lips. "Oh, ya kno' we should 'ave asked James and Maffew teh join too!" He pouted.

The smile on Jade's face about his comment and the satisfaction over the knowledge that Alexander had most likely lost the round purposely was overshadowed by a glimpse of his back when she turned to him and she stopped him, put her hand on his shoulder to keep his shirt sleeve right where it was, taking a deep breath to swallow her pride, risking for his comfort to be the subject to an endless amount of teasing, but she knew that it would only work if she put herself into the situation, and if he would finally give her what she'd been excited for all day long, it had double the worth. "Don't bother" she said, sighing. "I think I'm too tired."

She could see the irriation on each of the others' faces but she stood her ground, reached to do Alexander's shirt back up and then stood to hold his jacket out for him, helped him slip inside as he swayed a little while stepping into his shoes, avoiding Kane's as well as Lana's gaze who had now torn from each other to her.

"Bella" Miles pouted. "Nobodeh's lost yet."

Jade pulled her skirt back on, and once she stood in her heels, she looked at him slowly. "You win, Kane" she said. "Said yourself you're lucky and with Lana here tonight, you can only win." She gave him a pointed look, knew he'd probably read her motivation the second she'd acted and she finished the contents of her glass before walking around the table to kiss Kane's cheeks, then let Lana pull her into a quick hug, relaxing when she gave a gentle squeeze of Jade's shoulder.

She was back by Alexander's side in no time and as much as he looked puzzled, the satisfaction and relief on his face prevailed, after his farewell to Kane he needn't be asked twice to lead Jade out of the apartment and flanked by Helders and Cook, down to the car, afraid that as suddenly as she had made the decision, she would once again change her mind.

Only when the doors of the car fell shut, Helders and Cook sat separate from them, did Alexander look her in the eye, his arm locked around her and pressing her possessively to his side once again, his fingers grazing the side of her cheek until he cupped her face to turn her head to look back at him. "Jade."

She swallowed, setting herself up for an unbearable tease, for the mockery, taunting, but before she could even develop the worst case scenario in her head, his lips were on hers, a searing kiss taking her breath away and her mind as far as away as she'd wanted and she didn't find it in herself to do anything but melt into him, his lips warm and hungry and he tasted irresistible, left her wanting more when he drew back and only challenged her control more with the deep, thick sound of his voice.

"Yeh undermined me authoriteh back there."

She pouted, licking her lips and watching him with wide eyes. "Mmmm, you shouldn't let me do that" she teased, attempting while she still could. "You're the fucking boss."

He swallowed hard, taken off guard, a deep exhale and as much as her words fuelled his need to ruin her, to show her how right she was after she'd coaxed him into so many things once again, he couldn't help himself, the way she'd understood what he needed before he even had himself was worth nothing less than his praise and grattitude to demostrate his wonder. "Fook, pupa..."

She purred when his hand moved slowly to wrap around her throat, the intensity of his eyes had her heart racing. "What, baby?" She whispered, begging him for more with her eyes silently.

He could hardly find the words, but couldn't let her wait until they got home, needed to take his time at the same time as he needed to appreciate her now, overwhelmed still with how lucky he was, that she wanted him and for him to get his way, knew how important it was and put it over her own greed for dominance, didn't need much to have him all figured out and it blended with everything that he admired with her, and the smile on her face was encouraging, left him unable to keep quiet any longer, couldn't bear holding anything back because he simply refused to ever let her go. "Il mio cuore..."

She pressed her lips together, melting into him and unable to draw her gaze from his, unable to say anything else, hanging onto his lips helplessly, anticipating the depth of his voice wrapped around another set of words that would have her do anything he wanted.

"Non posso vivere senza di te."

[familyagrestefanblog]

People think Emilie and Gabriel found miraculous when they were adults but this is impossible because Gabriel has been a famous fashion designer for a long time and a butterfly with the logo of Gabriel's brand . Thomas Astruc says we will see the relationship between Emilie and Gabriel and I think should be linked to these events . I think Emilie and Gabriel found miraculous as teen not married adults , I think we're going to watch teen Gabriel and Emilie find miraculous . What do you think ?

Thank you so much for this fantastic question, this is one of my favorite miraculous topics to theories about! I just wish I could give you a solid answer to that. But I’ll glady tell you my thoughts on it! I apologize beforehand if this turns out real long (which it probably will)

Well the whole Agreste-Miraculous-backstory is still very much in the blur to this point but I agree this much with you that Emilie and Gabriel MUST have had the peacock for longer than we initially thought. In the originis episodes it pretty much seems like Gabriel was using the butterfly for the very first time. Nooroo didnt know him yet and Gabriel commanded him to tell him about the butterflys powers. So I believe the butterfly and the miraculous book were indeed found by Gabriel and Emilie on their last journey to Tibet since gabriel said in “the colllector” to Marinette that it was Emilies very last gift to him from that very journey (and this show wouldnt have included that line if it wasnt true. That was staright backstory information for the viewer)

BUT the peacock miraculous was found earlier and if I’m right the show already gave us some clues in the very same episode I just mentioned. Remember this in the collector?”

This old drawing from Adrien was shown for an other reason than just highlighting Gabriels ruthlessness and Adriens sorrow. Look at the picture closely

You see the mountains in the background? Good. Now let me tell you something about Tibet and things might get clearer.

Tibet is a highland in central Asia and in my country (germany) it’s even called “The roof of the world” because its one of the or even THE highest place on earth (fun fact, thats also where Mount Everest is). This is highly interesting and suspicious when you remember that the miraculous lore in general is very Chinese/Asian oriented and THIS

is the location we were given were master fu lost the peacock,butterfly and book. (look at the background, thats one HELL of a high place! They are above the CLOUDS)

So the mountains in the background of Adriens old family vacation drawing? I bet my left arm thats Tibet and the time the peacock was found. The show decided to give us both the drawing and Fus backstory in the same episode, we were supposed to connect something there. I’m not entirely sure how “intentional” the search was since Adrien was brought along but I’m certain the first “founding” was there. There is no other reason they would include mountains into the picture after visually revealing some of Fus story. It could have been anything else that isnt so especific but they chose this setting and “Miraculous” doesnt introduces or hints at loations they are not gonna use one day properly.

Them finding the peacock around 10 years ago (I’m guessing Adrien to be 4-5 years old in the drawing. Its a typical drawing style for a kindrgartner in Tv-shows/movies) also can explain why Gabriel knows so much about these two miraculouses and why hes so much more experienced in using and holding his powers than LB and CN even though he started using his on the same day as they did.

The new webepisode “Gabriel” also comfirmed that Emilie DID indeed use the peacock prior to the show (and thats why shes in a coma now)

And from the way Gbriel reacted to Mayuras help we can definitly tell that Gabriel has witnessed/ exerienced in himself how the (damaged) peacocks powers work and that consequences come out of using it

I can not present you an answer to what Emilie did with the peacock with a clear conscious (I’m having an idea though. But for now I’ll say it couldnt have been anything publicly), but I’m convinced Emilie used and learned alot about the peacock and that Gabriel was IN in all of this and supported her. Thats how he got so experienced and knowledgeable, though Emilie!

But to come back to the beginning and summing up my answer to one of your points: No I dont think they were teenangers when they found the 3 lost miraculou objects, they were adults.

BUT you are again making a fantastic point with the butterfly being Gabriels logo for who knows how long! Because that is 100% true and certainly no convincedense (as if). Alright, lets break this down too!

For this I need to say that I strongly believe that, basically, it was Emilie who accidentally started all of this. The show portrays her as the missing link to the Agreste-Mystery/Drama/Backstory and she wouldnt have been taken out of the picture for now or presented to us like that if she wasnt an important key character with critical knowledge to the story. But I digress. As stated before, Gabriel verly likely learned everything he knows about the miraculouses from HER so she had to have been the one who learned about it first. Meaning, I think Emilie was a Miracuous enthusiast since she was younger (possibly teenager/young adult as you said) and got a little.. well, a little obsessed? In the in-universe world the miraculous have heavily influenced the history of earth for who knows how long already. So many heros and villains were made by them, so I dont thing I’m reaching at all when I say that I’m sure that at this point, they have become legends and myths (“The Pharao” basically comfirms this with the puplicly historical evidences of the past Ladybugs). So yeah, I think Emilie really got into this miraculous mythology (I have a suspicion how, but I need more details first before I’m confident to state and stant to it. Just know, I have a solid reason in mind when I tell you this). And Gabriel who fell in love with her, supported her in her interest and odd hobby (probably couldnt even have imagined how big this “hobby” would become tho). This is how I think Gabriel ended up with the butterfly as his logo. Out of love for her (which in THIS show is VERY likely) he dedicated his fashion labels sigiture sign to his wifes interest (which also fits to the name “Agreste” which literally can be translated to “butterfly”, so smart move there Gabe), also it seems like Emilie had a special interest in the butterfly because “the collector” God I love this episode shows us how Adrien realised that the mansion is full of hidden butterflies and the show wouldnt present that as something bad if it didnt had a deeper meaning.

What I didnt state above because it fits better here is that, on the vacation from Adriens drawing and where they likely found the peacock, I think Emilie knew it could/would be there. I just find it highly unlikely that they just found a miraculous on their family vacation that Emilie has been obsesion over for so long, in the highlands of Tibet. Like, how random and Anticlimactic would that be?

No, I think she knew. Emilie might have figured out that the Miracuouses should be there, so they went to Tibet to find them. Though I’m honestly thinking that finding them was Emilies secret side project and she didnt tell Gabriel about her other intentions there. Because I dont see why else a 4 years old Adrien should have been brought along, if it wasnt planned as a simple “family vacation” to Tibet.

Alright I’m gonna stop here, I hope you didnt mind my text wall xD

[afraschatz]

Leverage - The Grave Danger Job

It’s been a while since I did one of these, and I MISSED THE TEAM. Anyway, so I just randomly put in a DVD and out came The Grave Danger Job. So here are things I love about this episode: I love...

...the client’s reason for wanting the team to step in. The whole idea of scamming funeral home directors is just so atrocious and that woman sums it up so perfectly

... Parker hanging out in the back. Because that’s just how she rolls

... a Nate/Parker scene. They are too rare, really.

... “Faith. Faith, Parker“. - As someone who couldn’t be more agnostic if she tried, this is such a great way to frame that for me. Because like her, I don’t necessarily get the abstract concept but the show does such a great job to „un-abstractify“ it. Which yes, is totally a word

...Hardison’s and Eliot’s basement time (it’s one of the things I continuously love about this show. All these little off-hand comments that are just so inviting to make up your own backstory and that just always add more little pieces to the puzzle of all of their personal relationships. Because we all know that the two of them kept bickering aaaaall the way through that basement)

... Eliot being annoyed, Hardison being utterly unimpressed by it

... Leverage music. THANK YOU. Because seriously, I hate funeral home episodes and all the doom and gloom in them, and yes, I know it’s a serious thing and all that, but while the team definitely treats it as such (as they always do) the music once again tells us, hey, it’s gonna be fine

... Hardison in a suit <3 with cufflinks. And a horrible tie. Seriously, who bought that thing?

... Parker in a body bag <3<3<3

... Nate and Sophie funeral crashing. Because we all know that this is what they do in their free time as well

... Hardison being grossed out and Eliot making fun of it

... Eliot’s idea of a proper funeral-for-an-ex-con outfit hahaha

... Eliot complaining to Hardison about giving him the wrong information. Because yeah, that was TOTALLY an accident. Hardison, you dawg :D

... Eliot being so quick on his feet as always, going for the simplest and most believable explanation for his outfit. I have such a thing for him adapting so easily

...a casket named „Gentle Breeze“ hahaha

... one named „The Admiral“ because yeah, sure why not

... Hardison’s pinky finger touch. God, I love that he is so easily grossed out

...Sophie emotionally connecting with the dead guy, Nate who couldn’t care less

...“There’s a bunch of kids outside tagging cars“ - ELIOT, STOP BEING SO AWESOME AT THINKING ON THE FLY!

... „Bloody hell“ - I love when Sophie’s utter Britishness comes out. And what do you know, all it takes is Parker dangling in front of a window at a funeral home

...Parker dangling in front of a window at a funeral home

... Nate’s horrible, horrible improvisation. Nate and Sophie turning that improvised speech into a comedy show (Nate) and a Shakespearian drama (Sophie). And just that little detail about the unfaithful widow. Did I mention how I love all the little interpersonal background snippets that aren’t really neceessary but so so good?

... “But where is the money?!“

... two scams at once. I love this about the show, that there is a twist around every corner and that all of it is so fricking fast-paced

... the bad guy’s mobile phone. This has nothing to do with the show itself, really, but that seemingly ancient phone is the only thing that reminds me how old this episode actually is. Because all of the rest of the show? Fricking timeless <3

...family meal aka Chinese food and beer

...a Parker and Sophie scene. “How do you - care?“ God, I love her so much. And I love how her reaction to Sophie breaching the subject is a sigh and an eyeroll and the need to distance herself (totally get that, mate), and yet she listens because what Sophie says is maybe not even as important as how she says it - it’s not a long speech, it’s not about „but you should...“, it’s not prying. It’s answering the question that Parker asked and speaking from HER heart instead of making asumptions about Parker’s. Thank you, Sophie <3

... Parker’s burito eating face and his horribly large camera

... Sophie’s old woman accent

... both of which perfectly balance out the emotional Parker/Sophie scene from before

... the funeral boys being lazy sons

...Hardison and Nate’s little play in the diner

...Nate not blinking when he threatens people. Even when he is in character as a sleezy funeral home director

...the evil speech of evil and Nate’s well hidden disdain

...Nate’s voice when he is pretending to be harmless and a bit scared. You know, that nice guy voice, just a bit too soft to be real, just a bit too stuttery to be trusted - if you happen to know him

...now, the scene that ends with Hardison in a coffin. WHERE IS ELIOT? Dude, seriously. Why isn’t he hanging off a window outside??? (I love that that gets picked up later)

...the way Nate and Eliot talk to one another. I posted about this before, about how I love every 1:1 relationship on the show, and this is yet another example of it. The scene isn’t ABOUT their relationship (just as the little bit about Hardison and Eliot in the basement at the beginning wasn’t about them either) but if you want, you can see SO much about their relationship in this. Eliot waking Nate up and briefing him on the status quo, then looking for clues because Nate certainly doesn’t need mollycoddling. Eliot’s assessment of the evidence and Nate matter-of-factly confirming that („Yeah, got it“). This is how the two of them react in a stressful situation, especially when faced with the kind of emotional stress that is bound to unfold here. With a kind of super-rational coldness that may seem heartless but is the exact opposite; because this is what both of them know is needed.

...I mean I am really against Hardison in a grave, okay. BUT look at all those close ups of his faaaace. I mean, how pretty is he?

...Nate and Eliot arguing about why that situation went South. Because Nate ignored Eliot when Eliot said that he wanted to come with to protect his boyfriend err to provide backup. NATE. Damn you. Everything would be so much easier if everyone just listened to Eliot, like, 24/7. Trufax

...Hardison calling Parker <3

...Hardison freaking out. Aldis Hodge is sooooo good in this, showing how he tries to keep it together but is soooo fucking scared. Aaaah, baby.

...Nate once again proving that he is pretty much a dick. Dude, I know it’s not really helpful to have Hardison interrupt your impromptu crisis meeting, but to just mute him? WTF?

...Nate instantly kinda making up for it. Because it won’t help if the team leader sugar-coated the situation.He needs to be cold-blooded about this

...Nate and Eliot being the ones working this out because of this

...Hardison doing exactly what Eliot told him to (like everyone should)

...the short cut to them stealing the police car and the ambulance. I love the pace of this show and how of course they trust us to just get it

...Hardison working with what he has even if it’s not tech

...Sophie’s argument to Parker for why Hardison needs HER. Not because of emotional whatever (yes, because of that as well, but that isn’t helping anyone). But because she knows what she is doing. - As weird as that sounds, this next scene, that is the most emotional competence porn the show ever gave us.

...God, Aldis, you’re KILLING ME HERE. STOP IIIIT.

...thank fuck for a brief shot to Eliot and Nate and for them keeping it together because I surely am not

...Nate focussing not just on Hardison but also on Javier. Because someone needs to. Cold-Bloodedness pays off.

... “Where did you get the police car?“ - „It’s a rental.“ - You know that you’re up shit’s creek when Nate is not even trying to hide his sarcasm from you

...Eliot, stop playing with the thug and the shovel and RESCUE YOUR BOYFRIEND

...Hardisons desperate attempt cutting at the coffin turning out to be a strategy to get the compass. Again, of COURSE this is about emotions, this entire scene, but how great is it that throughout it is not simply victimizing Hardison? Yes, of course he needs his team to keep him sane and to get him out, but he is not just a damsel in distress. Smartest man.

... now, not to be that guy to make it even worse, but how horrible must those seconds be when Hardison loses contact and just hears machine gun fire outside? MAKE IT STOOOP

... „You have to make it through this. Because you’re my friend and I need you.“ - Yes, Hardison, I am choking as well.

...the utter speed with which Eliot runs to get Hardison out

...“Don’t do that again“ “I won’t“

...Hardison / Eliot hug

... Nate / Hardison hug

... Hardison / Sophie hug

... Parker’s breathlessness

...just deserts for Darlene and her boys and for Javier. Thank you, Nate

...Nate and Hardison computer porn err justice

...Hardison’s little boxing dance

...that Parker and Hardison scene. The shoulder touch. God, the kiss is sweet as well, as is Hardison giving her space, and his fucking smile (and hers), but that initial shoulder touch, that already slays me. That kind of physical comfort they take from one another, that has nothing to do with sex or want or lust, but is pure friendship, that is such a beautiful beautiful thing.

Did I recently mention how much I love this show? Because I do. As much as Parker loves Hardison’s shoulder bumps, as much as Eliot loves being forced into the basement with Hardison, as much as Sophie and Nate love funeral-crashing. Which is a whole damn lot really

[shoe-sheriff]

So some friends and I are considering getting a D&D campaign going, and someone else volunteered to be DM, so I get to play a character. Now, I’ve been wanting to play D&D for a few years now and haven’t been able to get my fix, so I immediately start looking at 5th edition books (because I’ve only ever played 4e) and making a character. I landed on a Earth Genasi (from Elemental Evil Player’s Companion) Fighter. Of course, it being me, I also made a way-too-long background for the character.

For the first time in my life, I’d like to share the background publicly immediately after finishing it (I literally just got done like 5 minutes ago). Please, if you read it, let me know what you think. Anything that needs to be changed, added, removed, doesn’t make sense, etc.

My conception came after my parents found an artifact that acted as a gateway to the Elemental Plane, where my biological, dao, father is from. He traversed through the gateway a few months later, seeking to experience all the Material Plane had to offer. He fell for my mother, and tricked her into sex, impregnating her with me. From what I’ve gathered, he was known as Sihu the Powerful, and had a reputation of causing mischief wherever he went. Most of it was harmless, though there was an incident where he crushed a young woman beneath a boulder. After he proceeded to experience many more things throughout the plane, he left, never intending to deal with the consequences of any of his actions.

Being half dao, a quarter human, and a quarter elf, I had quite the culmination of features. My ears were slightly pointed like an elf, broad shoulders like a human, but at the same time more slender than a human. The most curious and out of place feature, however, came from my dao side. I had crystals sprouting from my light gray skin. They formed a pattern following my collar bone and around my hairline on my forehead, with a few outcroppings materializing along my upper arms and legs. Most of the crystals were tourmaline, green dissolving beautifully into pink, though I had a wide variety depending where one looked. I had honey-hued citrine, charoite with magnificent swirls of violet and lavender, and even fiery red opal. My hair was a deep black, with a faint light emanating from it where it was parted. This set me apart from others around me, but because I had beautiful rocks coming out of me, most people looked at me in amazement. I didn’t hate the added attention, but I wasn’t fond of it either, so I did my best to hide them when able.

My early childhood was filled with joy and happiness. My mother and her husband, henceforth referred to as my father, raised both me and my older half-brother. My father came from a reasonably wealthy family, my mother not so much. Together, they managed to raise us into fine members of society. They taught us how to properly value money and be happy with the things we had instead of constantly chasing happiness through the next purchase.

My father was a very experienced woodsman, regularly taking us on hikes and camping expeditions. He worked his days as a tradesman, dabbling in woodworking, metalworking, construction, and fishing. There were not many tradesmen in our town, thus he sought to make himself as valuable as he could to his community. He strived to give to his community as much as he could, while only accepting small payments for his work.

My mother worked as one of the town’s clerics, healing the wounded and spreading divine light across every shadow she encountered. Sadly, her healing magics and devotion to the lawful good divines did nothing to prevent her own illnesses. Several times throughout my childhood, she was plagued by a recurring sickness. After each bout, a different High Priest declared that the sickness would not return, only for it to do just that, poisoning her body and draining her life force more efficiently each time. The scars left by the illness covered her body, the most recent one ripping her stomach from this plane. She gave up her devotion, realizing that the divines would not help her. To everyone’s amazement, however, even through her pain and suffering, she never gave up her dedication to healing others and spreading the most beautiful light imaginable, no matter the willingness of the dark to overcome.

My brother, being older than myself and of a different race, grew up being bold and carefree. From him, I learned more about what not to do than what to do. He was caught several times sneaking out of our home to cause mischief with his friends. When he grew just old enough to be considered self-sufficient, my parents exiled him from the home, not wanting him to influence my actions. They remained supportive of him where they could, offering to pay for expenses he could not or gifting him furniture for his home. My grandparents, from my father’s side, even gave him (and myself) a large sum of coin, under the agreement that we use it to pursue a higher education or to start our own business, before using anything left over as we saw fit. We both used this to pursue a higher education. I sought to learn a series of trades, as my father did, learning the basics from him, applying that to my education, and then bringing everything together again with my father. My brother yearned to study and practice the Arcane arts, wishing to use the knowledge to provide responsible magics for the town’s benefit. Most of the way through his education, however, he had a child and was forced to put aside his education to take care of his daughter. He never went back to finish, unfortunately.

While working on my education, I had decided to learn Primordial, should I ever meet with Sihu or any genie who knew of him. I finished my education and began to make a name for myself as a learned tradesperson, creating great works and teaching even other apprentice tradespeople when they visited the town. My father retired after a year of my entrance to the trades, tired of working all day and knowing I had surpassed him in ability, due to my young, sturdy body, and thanks to the particular form of crafting I had learned, utilizing newer advancements and techniques. Though I loved what I did, especially the smile and gratitude I received from those I served, something always felt out of place. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was wrong, until roughly six years ago when I realized that I felt a part of myself was missing, having gone unrecognized.

For four years, I tried to find that part of myself and become a fuller being. I began to meditate, experience nature more fully and regularly, and used various herbs to seek that which evaded me my whole life. I felt like I had grown much, but that I was still unable to find my true self. Fearing that it may have been due to the fact that I felt obligated to not grow too far from who everyone around me knew me as, I decided to leave town. I spent many months training others to take my place as the town’s tradespersons, until I felt the town was in excellent hands. I set off to seek enlightenment of some kind, unsure of where I was headed or what lay ahead. I may return one day, though I am not sure that would be healthy for me.

Traveling for close to 9 moons, I was starting to feel fuller and more complete. I had decided not long after leaving town, that I would change my name from what the Half-Elves called me. I had been hiding from my dao ancestry my whole life, but no more. I am an Earth Genasi, and I have never been more proud of it. I stopped hiding the crystals that grew from my skin, eventually turning to them as the source of my name: Tourmaline. It was around that time that I met with a tribe of outcasts, mostly consisting of Orcs. They were not welcome in their former homes for being too calm and peaceful. They sought to live a grand life with compassion to all beings and the world itself, focusing on improving oneself to live in harmony with that which is around them. Most of them were from the same clan, but there were some like me who happened by and decided to join their tribe and follow their path.

They taught me to hunt, scavenge, and survive with the land. With them, I visited marvelous new areas and saw beautiful landscapes. To me, they were a new family, one with similar views as my own. For the remainder of two years, I had stuck by their side, using my skills in woodworking to construct whatever we needed, and a few things just for fun, like a lute. A couple of them taught me to play, and we formed a sort of band, playing for the tribe most nights, a celebration of life and our vision. We welcomed a handful of new members and wished old ones a safe journey as they departed for the next chapter of their lives. Nobody was made to feel left out or unwanted, and they were welcome to stay as long as they felt comfortable.

On the way back from a meditation session, I found the camp utterly destroyed. Bloodstained, torn tents flapped in the wind, and the bodies of most of my family lay on the ground, motionless. For weeks, I grieved for them, unable to bring myself to leave the camp, unsure of what I should do. One night, they appeared to me in a dream. I came out of my tent and they were dancing and drinking, merry as ever. When they saw me fall to my knees crying, they rushed over to comfort me. When I finally got a hold of myself, they sat down with me around the campfire and listened to me express how sorry I was that I wasn’t there to help or at least die with them in honor. The two who had been in the tribe longer than I put their hands on my shoulder and lowered their heads. They spoke to me without words, their voices thundering in my head as one. “The time for grieving has been over for some time now. You could not have known, thus it is not a worry you should burden yourself with any longer.” Their unified words of wisdom brought some calm to my nerves, but I still felt like I had been defeated. “The fact that any member of our tribe is still alive is a miracle, and miracles are rarely without purpose. There are others who need you, and a greater destiny which calls your name, Tourmaline. Go now, and bring honor to our tribe. Through memory, we will stay immortal.”

The next morning, as I awoke, I heeded their words. I put on my traveling clothes, gathered some chain mail, a greatsword, trident, and what else I could reasonably carry, and started walking. I didn’t know what destiny I was to fulfill, but I knew I had to make sure the tribe, nor their vision for a more harmonious world, wouldn’t be forgotten.

[markrichardson]

My Year in Spotify Listening

Like a lot of people I checked out the Spotify year-end summary thingy, and since Spotify is only a certain percentage of my listening, the results were surprising, and I tried to figure out what it meant. In general, I listen to new music via iTunes, if I am sent promos. That only encompasses a certain amount of new music of course, but if I’m sent a download, I tend to use that for my listening all year long. Often, I’m “done with” an album more or less by the time it comes out, but sometimes I’ll keep listening (as w/ DJ Koze this year) and I do that with my promo files. My Spotify listening tends to be a mix of things I stick on a few different playlists based on mood or genre, and they could come from anywhere (but they aren’t usually new). 

In terms of my favorite artists (Bill Evans wound up in my top spot, somehow, followed by Joni Mitchell) it was hard to figure out how it’d happened, because I didn’t spend the year obsessed with either. Then I looked at my 100 most played songs, and that did bring back a few things. I’m not sure if the whole list is in order, but the first 5 songs in the playlist are the 5 listed when Spotify gave me my most-listened-to tracks of the year, so I think so? Anyway, that’s what I am going with here. This is how my Top 10 songs show up on the playlist, in order, with one exception: in the middle of the list was Bow Wow Wow’s “See Jungle,” which I already wrote about on Tumblr 8 years ago (and about which I have very little to say now, except that yes I do still listen to this song a fair amount), so I’ve omitted that and included No. 11. 

Wussy: “Runaway” This was my favorite song of the year, it has 600 plays on Youtube and 5,400 on Spotify, which makes me a little sad. Technically it’s not from this year—Wussy put this out on a small-release tape or CD-R a few years ago—but I’m still counting it. This is the rare case where the streaming media playcounts tend to match the responses of folks I’ve talked to about this song—I mentioned to 4 or 5 people, and in each case they said “Yeah that’s kind of nice I guess...why do you like it so much?” I’ll try to answer that here.  

First I should say that I have no real interest in or knowledge of Wussy. They’re an indie rock band from Ohio, most notable at this point for the fact that Robert Christgau loves them, and has written rapturous reviews of their work over the years, which surely has helped them to achieve whatever small amount of notoriety they have. I checked them out here and there but they didn’t make much of an impression on me. I wish I could remember how I came across this particular song, but I can’t, probably either Twitter or a streaming media algorithm. But I loved it immediately, like, stop-what-you-are-doing-and-listen kind of loved. It just clicked. 

The first thing that comes to mind is the chorus: “I love you, let’s run away.” That’s the theme of so many of my favorite songs, I mean, the first album I bought in my life was “Born to Run,” and if you could sum up the first three Springsteen albums in in 6 words, “I love you, let’s run away” wouldn’t be bad. And I think I liked that this song didn’t try for poetic phrasing, just said it in the simplest way possible.

But the romance of a song like this has a shade of darkness to it, and that draws me in even more. Escape is never a long-term strategy. Eventually you have to figure out how to make life work when you’re in the thick of it. So while it’s such an appealing dream to exit the world with someone you’re crazy about, there is a shelf life to that sort of gesture. I relate to this idea of being fed up with everything in the moment and wanting to jump in the car with the only person who gets you, but eventually, the car is is going to need gas. What then? 

I didn’t know when I first heard this song that it was a cover, so the immediate impact of it was as a Wussy song. But I learned that it was written and recorded by another Ohio artist that people in the band had known, a woman named Jenny Mae. She died last year. Pitchfork did a news story on her passing. She was 49. And when I found that it was her song, I listened to her version and I loved it almost as much (but not quite), though her take also made my Spotify Top 20. I did think enough of her version to order the 7-inch, which was her first release. When I read about Jenny Mae’s life, the song took on another layer of meaning. She suffered from mental illness and self-medicated with alcohol. And she was described by people who knew her as brilliant and creative and hilarious but also impulsive and self-destructive. Which for me gives a sentiment like “No one likes us anyway / I hate my job / Sweet, sweet are the innocent / I love you, let’s run away” and “40 ounce between your legs/ Shakin up my heart / Turn around and look at me / Light another smoke” a different tint. These are the kinds of things you say when in the throes of a rush of feeling, but they’re not impulses you can safely follow for a lifetime, even though goddammit, sometimes I want to.

Bo Diddley: “Nursery Rhyme” In Richmond early this year I bought an old Bo Diddley album called The Originator. I saw it in a used bin, it was $20, and, it was pure instinct, I had a feeling it was interesting. For me, buying used records, $20 is a fair amount of money, I don’t pay that for something I’ve no idea about, typically. But something compelled me to pick it up. I was intrigued that it had none of the hits I knew. And I took it home and when I put it on a short while later it blew my mind. This surprised me because on the one hand it sounds so much like the idea of “Bo Diddley” I keep in my brain, the one rhythm we know from the song he named after himself, but this was just so controlled, so well rendered, with so much atmosphere. The whole thing is brilliant. I became particularly obsessed with this cut from the record, and then I started exploring the “Bo Diddley” beat in general, reading whatever I could about it and listening to examples. This kind of random deep-dive is the best thing about the internet era for a music fan. 

Mulatu Asatke: “Tezeta (Nostalgia” At nights when I hang out with my Mom at her condo in Michigan I play music over a Bluetooth speaker I bought a year ago. My Mom’s default has for a while been to put the television on, but at some point I asked her about playing music instead so we could talk or just hang out, and she grew to like it. Sometimes we’ll chat about stuff, and sometimes she will play Candy Crush on her iPad while I do things on my phone, which sounds distant but is actually very comforting to me. One of the things I’m doing on my phone during these evenings is finding songs to play. It’s quite fun (and interesting) for me to say to myself “What is a playlist that would make my Mom happy?” and then try and figure out what that might be on the fly. She was never really a music person so I don’t have a lot to go on, mostly her age, a story or two about a song she liked, and a vague knowledge of what she might have heard on the radio in my lifetime. 

In September, my Dad died, and I stayed with my Mom in her condo for a number of days that month. I felt a strange mix of feelings. On the one hand, he was father, I missed him, I thought about never being able to talk to him again, to not be able to share the things in my life. I thought about the fact that I wouldn’t be able to learn more about his life, my knowledge of which is pretty sketchy. There were all the usual things a person would be sad about. But then there was the fact that he had a severe and debilitating case of Parkinson’s disease for the last eight years, and at times he suffered so terribly. I remembered how on a few occasions he called me while he was delusional, he would tell me that he was sure he was going to die. One time, he told me that he saw someone in the driveway who was going to kill him. Another time, he said that it was hard to explain but that he had been split into two people, and he couldn’t take it, he was terrified. I told him that it would be better tomorrow and he yelled, “I’m going to be dead by tomorrow!” I would get calls like this while I was walking to work in Brooklyn 700 miles away, and I would feel so helpless. And so when he passed, I thought about him during situations like that, and also felt like maybe not he had some peace. 

A night or two after my Dad died I was sitting with my Mom, talking, and playing music. She dug out some old photos and we were looking at them, pictures from her in high school that I had never seen. I wanted to see everything, learn every detail. And over that Bluetooth speaker I was playing some random playlist I had found called something like “Jazz for late night.” I wanted background music. And while we were hanging out and talking, this song came on, “Tezeta” by the Ethiopian jazz bandleader Mulatu Astatke. And man, it’s hard to describe, but the mood of this song so perfectly captured the exact feeling I had. The phrase that comes to mind is “bombed out,” that’s the way it seemed, like I’d been beaten up and thrown in a ditch and my ears were ringing and now I was trying to reorient myself after all that had happened. There was a feeling of weariness and sadness but also a feeling that life continues, that we have to gather our memories and keep on. And this impossibly beautiful song captured every bit of that, the one-chord riff moving ahead, in spite of it all, while the sax line captures all the sadness dripping off everything at the same time. I listened to it constantly in the weeks afterward.  

Galaxie 500: “Fourth of July” (live) One of my favorite songs by one of my favorite band in my favorite version. This song is indicative of how (as with all songs on this list) when I’m in the mood I can listen to one track over and over. On a couple of occasions in 2018, I listened to this maybe 8 or 9 times in a row, immediately hitting “back” when it had finished. And the thing I was typically listening to was Naomi Yang’s bassline, which to me holds the lion’s share of the song’s feeling. Her bass playing in Galaxie 500 is so incredibly emotional to me, and it was never more so than here. 

Pusha T: “Infrared” The one truly “new” song on here.” I didn’t have an advance of this record so I listened on Spotify when it came out and I loved it. And this song in particular seemed so perfect, the carefully constructed rap, executed as if it’s coming off the top of his head, the sample—I listened to this many times in a row on a few occasions, and it also sent me to revisit Clipse, which brought me a lot of joy. 

Joni Mitchell: “Carey” Another song about freedom, but here it’s real. Blue is a perfect record but I probably revisit this one more than any other single song because I’m so in love with the production—that bass, that hand percussion...sonically, an album recorded almost 50 years ago simply cannot be improved upon. I remember hearing this one on AM radio when I was very young. It was a single, b/w “This Flight Tonight,” one hell of a 7-inch. I’ve always thought the picture it painted was so incredibly romantic—”Maybe I’ll go to Amsterdam, maybe I’ll go to Rome / And rent me a grand piano and put flowers 'round my room.” Hey, why not! And if Carey is indeed keeping her in this tourist town, we know it’s only for another hour, another day, another week, whenever she’s ready, she can’t be tied down. But then, that’s the future: this night, now, is a starry dome, and we’re alive, inside it. 

Arthur Russell: “That’s Us/Wild Combination” Sometimes w/ my favorite Arthur Russell songs you can hear the strain as he creates a new genre trying to get a particular unnamable feeling across. But not this one. Sitting in a room with his friend Jennifer Warnes he made a song that feels as natural as a breath. 

Carole King: “Pleasant Valley Sunday” I’m in awe of Carole King’s ability to write songs that sound perfect on the radio. Even if her prime hitmaking years only lasted a bit over a decade, the number of her songs with her name on them that left a huge mark on culture is staggering. Her demo for the Monkees hit “Pleasant Valley Sunday” shows how perfect everything was before the artist who would bring the song to the public got anywhere near it. I found this one on Youtube 8 or 9 years ago and it’s been in regular rotation since. 

Hank Williams: “The Angel of Death” In February and March I was doing research my Pitchfork Sunday Review on Bruce Springsteen’s Nebraska. It’s one of my favorite records, and I’ve wanted to write something long on it for years, so spending time w/ it as the winter wound down was an intense pleasure. It’s common knowledge that Springsteen was listening to a lot of Hank Williams when he was writing the album, and when I came across this song, I became obsessed with it. One, the melody sounds right off Nebraska, and “My Father’s House” (another song I listened to a lot this year) especially seems directly modeled on it. But this song has so much going for it on its own. It’s about death and the moment of judgement, but Hank’s melody and phrasing don’t sound frightened. It’s hopeful, a prayer instead of an admonishment. 

Guided by Voices: “Motor Away” I’ve loved this song for years but I listened to it intently around the same time I was playing the Hank Williams, when I was thinking about leaving Pitchfork. I’ve never been a big fan of Robert Pollard’s lyrics (though I love many of his tunes), but he second line here is the one I couldn’t put out of my mind: “When you free yourself from the chance of a lifetime.” That’s where I felt I was. Editing this music magazine that I cared so much about was the culmination of a dream that took a long time, a ton of work, and a fair amount of luck to realize. When the chance of a lifetime comes along, you’re supposed to hold on to it as tightly as possible for as long as possible, until someone finally pries it away, which will happen eventually. I knew that. And yet, deep down, I knew that after 11 years, I wanted to try something else. Run away, motor away, drive away. Sometimes a song can give you the tiniest push.

[travelexperienceblog]

Over the last 3 years, I have visited 31 different countries, which makes writing this article a difficult task. Nevertheless after much deliberation, I have come up with the top 5 countries that I have visited!

5. At number 5 on the list is Vietnam. In the summer of 2017, I spent 17 days in Vietnam and started my travels in Hanoi. Before setting off to Asia, I pre-booked through Vietnam Backpackers Hostel trips to Halong Bay and Sapa. I also booked a weeks long adventure down the coast of Vietnam called the Buffalo Run.

  Being able to spend a couple of days on your own private island at Castaway was such an unreal experience. Arriving on the island with a hundred different people, you get to do pretty much whatever you want. Drinking all day, booze cruise, kayaking, wake boarding, rock climbing and much more! Knowing you’re doing all of this in one of the world’s natural wonders definitely makes you savour every moment more.

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Having a nights recovery, we set off on a 6 hour sleeper coach to Sapa. Spending a night out a luxury hotel we rented bikes and rode around the Sapa mountains. Bar a scary moment when I fell off my bike, I think I enjoyed Sapa more than Ha Long Bay. Being able to see some incredible views with the mountain ranges silhouetting in the background was awesome. The highlight of Sapa without doubt was the 2 day trek through the mountains, which included a home stay.

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After returning back to Hanoi, we set off on our week-long adventure down to the south of Vietnam. Meeting people from all over the world unquestionably made the whole experience better. Probably the most enjoyable part of the Buffalo Run was driving the Hai Van Pass in ex-Vietnam War army jeeps. Being able to do this is something that I will never forget and would recommend anyone who visits Vietnam to do!

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4. Number 4 on my list is Thailand. My first experience to Thailand was after I visited Vietnam. Originally starting in the Thai Islands + Krabi, I can only describe these places as absolutely mad. If partying and drinking are your things then look no further than Koh Phi Phi. Although personally, Koh Tao is my favourite Island out of the four we visited, all the islands offer their own unique experience. Unfortunately, we messed up and missed the full moon party at Koh Phangan which definitely left a sour taste.

  Why Koh Tao was my favourite island is because I loved diving so much. We originally just did a fun dive and then left Koh Tao, however, as Haydn and I enjoyed the fun dive so much we came back to the island after one day to get our open water licenses. I also liked how chill the island seemed – probably because everyone just wanted to dive or chill with a beer.

We then moved onto Krabi and continued partying before moving onto Bangkok and then the north of Thailand. The north of Thailand is epic and I really do want to explore this region more. So far, I have only visited Chiang Mai and Pai but both places are just incredible! I have since been back to Thailand another 5 times and spent around 8 months of my life there. I recently visited Ayutthaya, the ancient capital of Thailand as well as Phuket and both places are just so different from each other but also sums up Thailand so well. I like that Thailand offers the traditional Thai style in some places, but then in other places, you’re having mad parties with everyone from around the world.

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3. This one may surprise a lot of people, but Guatemala is definitely in the top 3 places that I have visited. Spending only around a week here we had to rush many things, but I could have easily spent months travelling this country. This country is just epic and has SO much to offer!

Prior to travelling to Guatemala, we read and were told all the scare stories about muggings, shootings and killings. However, after enduring a difficult trip in India we did feel ready for what we expected to see. Nevertheless, these scare stories could not have been further from the truth! What I will say is that Guatemala does have a high crime rate so do be careful but go open-minded!

After landing in Guat City we took a uber to Antigua which is an old colonial town. What I loved about Antigua was just the chillness of the place. We visited the markets, chilled by our hostels pool and ate a lot of traditional Guatemalan food! One awesome thing you can do from Antigua is climb Acatenango (Volcano) where you get to camp overnight on an active volcano! This was definitely one of many highlights from Guatemala. 

  From Antigua we took a 12 hour overnight coach ride to Tikal, where we went and saw the ancient Mayan ruins. Tikal again has a very travellers feel to it and if that’s what you like then Tikal is perfect. What also made my experience of Tikal so good was that we met some people that we spent a couple of days with that we really got on with! It is also a good gateway to go and visit Semuc Champey (although 7 hours away) it’s worth the long uncomfortable minibus drive.

Semuc Champey is just one of the must see places of Guatemala in my opinion. It’s just an incredible place! Although there are only two hostels in Semuc Champey, we opted for the one that was in the middle of the jungle and we definitely made the right choice! Sleeping in the middle of the Guatemalan jungle was an interesting experience, as well as an enjoyable one. During our time in Semuc Champey, we visited the national park, jumped off a 20m Waterfall and went caving. Like Antigua, I really wish we had more time to just relax in Semuc Champey because it was just one of those places where you sat back and just thought about how awesome life is.

  Unfortunately, as we only had a week by being on such a tight schedule, we couldn’t do everything that we would have wanted to do in Guatemala. Lake Atitlan is one such place that I really did want to visit, however it does give me a great excuse to plan another trip back!

2. Iceland is number 2 on my list. Iceland was probably my first out-and-out nature trip and its got me hooked to do more of this kind of travelling. Anyone who has been to Iceland can vouch for the spectacular geography on show. As we didn’t have much time in Iceland due to university and money, we really tried to cram everything in a small time frame. This meant sometimes going to sleep at 1/2am and waking up at 6/7am.

Reykjavik

One of the highlights of the Iceland trip was visiting Pingvellir National Park. Here we decided to go snorkelling through the North Atlantic Ridge (which is the separation between the North American plate and the Eurasian plate). You also have the chance to scuba dive here if you wish but unfortunately we could not do that as we didn’t have our license. Oh and also make sure your dry suit is zipped up properly (Unlike Max), or you’ll feel 2 c water rushing in!

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Gullfoss is another cool area that we visited. One of the best natural things that I have experienced is definitely seeing a Geyser erupt! Although having to wait every 10 minutes to see it explode in the freezing cold isn’t that nice, the eruption is worth the wait. Gullfoss also has a series of some pretty awesome waterfalls that you can check out after the Geysers.

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From here we went to a place that we hadn’t heard much about, Hraunfossar. We did take a bit of risk driving here because it was about 2-3 hours away from Reykjavik which is where we were basing ourselves. However, I am so glad that we took the risk because the waterfalls were just stunning and arguably still the best waterfalls that I have seen. What also made the whole region so good was the huge Volcano in the background, as well as the breathtaking scenery we saw on the drive.

  Hraunfosser

Iceland also gave me the chance to tick 2 items off my bucket list: The Blue Lagoon, and the Northern Lights. As you can imagine being able to do both of these things was just immense! The Blue Lagoon, although expensive, was just such a cool experience and is 100% better than what you see on Facebook. Probably THE highlight of the trip though was being able to see the Northern Lights. Not only did we get to see them but we were able to get some amazing pictures of them dancing around!

  Aurora

We also had the opportunity to explore the southern coast of Iceland which is part of the Iceland ring road. Black Sand Beach and Fjaoragljufu are probably my favourites things that we saw on the south coast.

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Skogafoss

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Although I had an amazing time in Iceland, and managed to tick 2 items off my bucket list, I simply didn’t spend enough time here and also had a really disappointing day whilst whale watching, that for now, Iceland cannot be the best place that I have visited.

1. So the big finale.. What’s my number one place I have visited? Have you guessed yet? Well… It’s Norway! The plan was to travel from the south to the north and back down to Oslo again in just 8 days by car. A total of 5,500km! Although extremely ambitious the fact we got to do everything that we planned I think only made the trip even better. Even the immigration officer told us “Good luck!” Despite Oslo being underwhelming, the rest of the trip was just phenomenal and one that I would unquestionably do all over again.

  For me the trip really started when we got to Stavanger, where we took a ferry over to Tou. Here, we completed the Pedersgata Hike which was a magical experience. We were walking through the middle of the forest in the mountains, when it started to snow! Although it’s hard to convey how cool this was, it’s absolutely one of the best hikes I’ve ever done. On our second day in Stavanger (also our last) we drove to Frafjord, which is a huge fjord which is unbelievably picturesque. This is one of the reasons which makes Norway just such a good place to see, because you constantly stop and get out of the car to take a photo as the scenery is just spectacular.  

  From here we visited a waterfall called Manafossen, which was a massive waterfall where you just stood and marvelled at the beauty around you. Manafossen is undoubtedly one of the best waterfalls that I have seen! We then visited a place called Gloppedalsura which has stunning rock formations surrounded by stunning mountains and lakes on either side. Honestly, Stavanger and the surrounding areas are just simply beautiful and if you can only spare a couple of days then Stavanger isn’t a bad option! Weirdly enough, we only came to Stavanger because Haydn had to get a later flight than us.. Luckily!

  After picking up Haydn, we drove to Bergen where again, we only spent a day exploring the area. Although this doesn’t seem much time I do think that this is enough time in Bergen because in spite of Bergen being aesthetically pleasing, there wasn’t that much to do here. We did climb up a mountain called Ulriken and got to Montana point which did give some awesome views of the city. Personally, I do think this is the best thing you can do in Bergen as the “World’s famous fish market” didn’t really seem like a market.

  The second part of our trip is where I think it got even better but also more challenging! We began by leaving Bergen and driving for 7-hours to Geirangerfjord. After a bit of faffing about, we took a ferry through the middle of the fjord which offered some breathtaking scenery. The fjord is simply a must see place if you’re travelling Norway. It’s one of the places where you constantly are stopping the car at every single view-point to take a picture.

  The next part was where it got really tough. We had a 21-hour journey up to Lofoten Island which in hindsight was probably a little stupid. However, completely worth it! Despite the fact that we didn’t really get to see much of Lofoten Island and probably could have spent 3 or 4 days here, I’m still so glad that we at least got the chance to see it! As we didn’t have much time, and we still had to get to Tromso and then all the way back down to Oslo in the next 2 days, we decided to go and see one of its best fjords (Trollfjord). As we were now in the Arctic circle, there were only 4 or 5 hours of daylight here so the skyline was permanently amazing! The colours that bounced of the lakes, mountains and snow just made the place unbelievably stunning.

  Unfortunately, we had to leave and plough on for another 6 hours to Tromso, which is weirdly one of my favourite cities. Although we only spent about 15 hours here, I just really liked the chill, beautiful look the city gave you. We originally hoped we would be lucky enough to see the northern lights again. However, we were not so lucky and that did put us down a little. Nevertheless, we decided that on our last proper day travelling we should do something awesome to top the trip off. We contemplated whale watching but after a disappointing time in doing this in Iceland, there were no guarantees that we would see one here. Therefore, we decided to pay £180, yes… £180.. To husky sledge!! (Probably one of the best activities I have ever done even for the price). As someone who owns a dog, being able to spend 3 hours with the dogs and also be able to go sledging with the sun setting was just a unique experience. This absolutely ended the trip on a huge high and is why Norway is my favourite place that I have visited. Although some of you maybe gawking at the price, honestly, it’s just such an incredible activity, and you’re getting to do it with amazing scenery in the Arctic circle. For me you couldn’t really ask for anything more!

  The final thing for me which really made this trip my best, is probably the fact that we had complete freedom to go to any place and to leave any place any time that we wanted. Although we had our outbound flight booked already due to university commitments, we only had a rough itinerary of places that we researched were good to see. This kind of freedom allowed us to really get to see the very best of Norway in the little time that we had, and I’m so glad that we went!

Countries I have visited 2015-2018.

  Belgium Cambodia Costa Rica Cuba Czech Republic France Germany Greece Guatemala Hong Kong Hungary Iceland India Indonesia Ireland Italy Japan Latvia Malaysia Mexico Netherlands Norway Oman Poland Portugal Scotland Singapore Spain Thailand Vietnam Wales

  Top 5 Countries That I Have Travelled (2015-18) Over the last 3 years, I have visited 31 different countries, which makes writing this article a difficult task.

[brugioshi]

After the war, Draco notices that Potter likes to spend his time tucked away in a back corner of the library. Oh, he thinks that no one had seen him going there, having used his Invisibility Cloak to get to the corner. But Draco's always had the uncanny ability to always be aware of Potter in a room.

Thank you so much for this prompt! It’s my first attempt at prose fiction (let alone fanfiction specifically) in many years, so… I hope it’s okay! And of course, I’m still accepting prompts if anyone has them! I was also 100% sure that I had anon asks off, so this was a very happy accident for me!

In Every Way Silver - AO3

After the battle, Hogwarts felt impossibly quiet— an observation Harry relayed to Ron and Hermione one morning over breakfast. “Well yes, Harry, that makes sense,” Hermione said pointedly. “A lot of people died.” “Never one to euphemize, are you?” remarked Ron. “Aside from that,” she continued, “most people just aren’t ready to come back yet.” Indeed, the Grand Hall was nearly empty. It didn’t help that the castle was badly damaged. The resulting chill reminded Harry of the hush just after a snowstorm—  the utter quiet that made one realize there were ever background noises to begin with. This, too, was a silence that transcended its practical cause. Rather than hearing the usual emblems of large empty spaces— creaking stairs, wind whipping around corridors— he was surrounded by a silence that seemed to come from within himself.

Plenty of things were off about him lately. Until recently, he didn’t know he could wake up in a panic, sweating and struggling for air, without feeling his forehead burn. He’d never known that fear could feel so real when there was no reason to be afraid.“You didn’t kill Voldemort.” It was as if Hermione had read his mind, but missed nearly all of his thoughts. “He killed himself, essentially. And of course you needn’t feel bad either way.”There was something that felt like guilt within him, and something that felt like panic. But, lost to any meaningful cause for such emotions, he mainly felt empty.As if on cue, the hall became slightly less empty. The loud rap of a swift gait approaching the entrance was refreshing for Harry, until a streak of platinum hair came into view. Hermione raised her eyebrows, whilst Ron groaned in disgust.“Imagine showing your face here,” he said, “after all he’s done.”Given that Harry didn’t feel strongly about anything at the moment, he felt he may as well be positive.“I wouldn’t want to be with his family, either.”Hermione patted his hand, whilst Ron looked at him incredulously.“Are you serious, mate? How can you have any sympathy for him?”“I think it’s very nice of you to promote unity,” Hermione said, though the look on her face suggested she secretly sided with Ron.All the same, Draco sat at the far corner of the hall, as if there were still House tables— or a House to sit with, for that matter. He kept his eyes down and ate quickly. He looked just as brooding as he had for the past two years, Harry thought, and twice as alone.***The way his friends had looked at the Elder Wand still disturbed Harry. He knew it wasn’t a flaw of theirs specifically. In the face of great power, most people would react that way. He hadn’t, of course, but maybe that came with owning the wand. Dumbledore never seemed to be overtaken by the might of the thing. Nor, it popped into his mind, had it seemed to affect Draco. Harry shoved this idea aside as quickly as he’d thought of it; it wasn’t the same. Odd thoughts like that seemed to intrude on his consciousness lately.Just after breakfast, unable to get the image of a solitary Draco off his mind, he’d remembered Narcissa’s hands against him— her desperate bid to save her son. If she was willing to abandon her loyalties to save Draco, to risk her life for him, could he be entirely bad? He then internally scolded himself for having such a bizarre idea. It was a mother’s unconditional love, that was all. It was the very reason Harry himself had survived past infancy. He did not register this as a parallel worthy of further thought. Instead, he shoved Malfoy off his mind by brute force. Between these cyclical thoughts, and emotions which shifted swiftly from apathy to panic and back, Harry craved a reprieve of some sort.One night, he woke up screaming enough times that even Ron grew snippy with him. Though he hadn’t determined where he would spend the night, Harry began to walk. As he descended the dormitory steps, he slipped his Invisibility Cloak over his shoulders. This wasn’t precisely necessary; everything was up in the air at Hogwarts these days. Professors doubled up on courses to replace their deceased colleagues; students didn’t truly know if a class was happening that day until they showed up. It was all so disorganized that he wondered why students were welcome to stay at all. It must have been a kindness to those who had no other home, such as Harry; those who wanted to move on with their lives as quickly as possible, like Hermione; and those who weren’t ready to face the full breadth of what they’d lost, like Ron. In any case, he doubted anyone would reprimand students for breaking curfew once they’d already been entrusted to act as soldiers. The cloak was more a security blanket of sorts.He continued to walk purposefully with no destination in mind, almost as if his feet were taking care of the matter for him. When he arrived at the library, he understood why it appealed to his subconscious. It was a hallmark of his earlier years at Hogwarts. He and his friends had scoured the shelves to find clues about matters that now seemed elementary. As pressing as these excursions were, they almost seemed— fun in comparison to recent events. It was as if researching Nicolas Flamel was all part of a fun little scavenger hunt. The sum of these adventures was far more somber. Even the Restricted section had no power to intimidate or entice him now. He slumped into a corner, and allowed his memories to soothe him. Eventually, he slept.It continued on like this each night. He left for the library after the other boys were asleep, and allowed his mind to wander unfiltered until sleep claimed him. He inevitably woke up early, due the hard floor or a nightmare, and crept back to the dormitory. He had never experienced such regular intervals of time free from intrusion. At the Dursleys, he was essentially an indentured servant; afterwards, he entered a world where everyone knew his life story. For the first time, he felt he had a private life. It was nice, honestly. Still, his disassociation from his peers went unabated. The otherwise blessed solitude was evermore encroached upon by a peripheral loneliness.***A week or so into this habit, he awoke to a piece of paper crunching beneath him. It really was paper, too— not parchment, but standard A4 white muggle paper. He replaced his glasses and whispered a nearly inaudible “lumos.” The fact that the note appeared to be written with a typewriter, not a computer, made it somehow more bizarre.Harry,You’ve done great things that have changed the wizarding world forever. I don’t mean that as another fawning fan. On the contrary, I think you’re insufferable in nearly every way. But, despite your inconsiderate disposition, you’re a better man than most could ever hope to be. I don’t expect I’ll get the chance to tell you this face-to-face. It seemed right to tell you.Harry was baffled. After a brief flashback to Tom Riddle’s diary, he reminded himself that this was a simple muggle object. But who could have written it— and how did they know where he was?Even in jest, Hermione was unlikely to pay him a backhanded compliment at such a sensitive time. Altogether unsure of himself, he casually broached the subject with Ron the next morning.“Thanks for the note. I had a good laugh over it.”Ron, barely awake, gave him a puzzled look.“What note?”“Oh, I hadn’t snapped out of a dream yet. Never mind.”And, perhaps because he had far heavier things on his mind than apparently-imaginary notes, Ron forgot about the conversation faster than he fell back to sleep.Harry went through the motions— forcing himself to eat despite ever-present nausea, going to classes that intermittently took place or didn’t, keeping contact with Aurors intending to employ him after the school year. All the while, he was preoccupied by the identity of the typist. It had to be someone muggle-born, obviously, as they’d used a typewriter and printer paper. As diluted as the student body was in the aftermath of the war, there weren’t so few pupils that the investigation was easy. He wasn’t about to involve Hermione. As helpful as she was, her nerves were frayed enough. She always complained about how far behind she was in her studying. Secretly, Harry was glad something as familiar as academia was around to keep her mind off the war. As for himself, he couldn’t help but notice that he’d had fewer nightmares lately. This new mystery had presented him with a distraction. Still, he didn’t exactly enjoy the thrill of the chase. He had an intense desire to know, as quickly as possible, who would speak to him with such familiarity— and why they seemed impervious his Invisibility Cloak.It never once occurred to Harry that the one person he’d always suspected, should be suspected.*Finally, he left a note of his own:Stranger,Is my “disposition” so “inconsiderate” that it rivals slipping notes under people while they sleep?Not having the convenience of a typewriter to disguise his handwriting, he hoped the note wouldn’t be discovered by anyone but the sender. He folded it up into as tiny a square as he could, and left it behind in the morning. He had second thoughts during his classes, and slipped away to retrieve it during lunch. But, the note was already gone. The next morning, he awoke to another one.Harry,On the contrary, I didn’t put the note underneath you. You must have tossed about in the night. Quite risky, really, trusting an invisibility cloak to obscure you while you sleep.Stranger,

Is that how you knew I was in here? Was my foot sticking out or something?Harry,No, don’t be daft. If I’d spotted one of your holey socks in this library, I’d be too disgusted to ever touch a book again.Stranger,For someone so keen to escape books, you sure like to frequent libraries. So what was it, then? Was I snoring?Harry,If I explained it to you, in great detail, sounding out each word very slowly, you still wouldn’t be able to wrap your head around it. Though, the thought of you snoring is fairly cute.Stranger,If the thought of me snoring is so adorable, why don’t you join me and see if I start?Harry,I said “cute,” not “adorable.” I’d say you need to be brought down a peg, but given your choice of sleeping arrangements, you’re clearly struggling to keep up in your classes. Your knowledge of your own ineptitude is enough for me.The notes were playful— flirty, really— and a nice break from the laudatory treatment he’d received from most of the wizarding world. He found himself grinning as he fell asleep each night. He chided himself for developing a crush on someone without knowing who that someone was— but the shame never took.Stranger,Ha, ha. I’m not sleeping here because I’m up late studying.Harry,I know. You’re here because you want to be alone— not actually alone, but apart from all the people who don’t understand what you’ve gone through. At the same tine, you feel guilty. You know that others have gone through a lot as well. You think that you have no right to feel tortured. You didn’t lose your life, as so many others did. You feel responsible for their deaths, even though you know logically that you did the best you could. You think that there were better wizards than you— Dumbledore, maybe even Snape— who deserved to live more than you did. You’ve felt the wrath of a creature that contained more hatred in itself than anyone had before, or will again. And so, without any sort of curse or bewitchment, you’re tormented by nightmares. When you feel anything at all, it’s a guilt which threatens to consume you, yet you prefer it to feeling nothing. Stranger,How did you know?Harry,I feel the same way.Stranger,Well, can’t we at least keep each other company, then? If we’re going through the same thing, won’t it be at least a little comforting to confide in each other? Harry,You don’t understand. I feel the same way. I’m not in the same situation— at all. Stranger,It sounds like you are.Harry,You really are inept. Meeting me would not help. Stranger,But you know I’m nothing special. I don’t mean that in a bad way, it’s just that everyone else thinks I’m The Saviour. Harry,Just because I don’t idolize you doesn’t mean you’re not a saviour. You definitely saved me. Stranger,Then I guess, you owe me, huh?Harry,Damn it. Yes, I’ll meet you. But only because I owe it to you. Then you can go on hating me in peace.This seemed like an odd choice of language— just because this person didn’t personally kill Voldemort, didn’t mean Harry would dislike them— but he was too giddy to think much of it. He practically floated through the day, brushing off Ron and Hermione’s pestering about why he was so happy all of a sudden. He felt certain he’d be too excited to fall asleep that night, but somehow he managed it. When he awoke to the sound of a book being smacked on a table, he found himself in the company of the last person he’d expect.“Malfoy?!”Though Harry was still in his Invisibility Cloak, Draco was somehow able to look right into his eyes. His own gleamed with the same cocky stare as always, and his lips formed his characteristic shit-eating grin. Harry wasn’t sure if he was more or less infuriated by the fact that Draco hadn’t worn such an expression in quite some time.He almost blurted out, “I’m supposed to be meeting someone,” but the fact that Malfoy saw him was proof positive of just who he was supposed to meet. It was nonetheless an unpleasant turn of events. He threw off the obviously-futile invisibility cloak. He’d gained enough sense to not chastise Draco for feigning to share his experiences— the letters made it clear that Malfoy made no such presumption. Instead, to his own shock, the first thing Harry asked was “How do you have a typewriter?”Seemingly oblivious to how inconsequential this was, Draco became quite excited. In fact, for the first time since Harry met him, Draco beamed.“Oh, shit! You have to see this. I’ll be right back.”Harry sat nonplussed in the corner, feeling quite certain that Draco would arrive with fresh flunkies to pulverize him. Clearly, this was nothing but a cruel prank. Having lost whatever sense of self-preservation he he’d previously held, Harry waited for the inevitable.But when Malfoy returned, he was alone. He carried what looked like a large square briefcase. He knelt down— awfully close, Harry thought— and opened the top. Inside was an antique typewriter.“There’s no magic keeping it still or anything,” Malfoy raved. “It just fits into these little metal slots, and you can push this button to take it out of the case.” It was sort of ingenious that something so outdated could be kept still with nothing more than a strategically studded case.However, it was not nearly as entrancing a technology as Malfoy seemed to think.“It’s called a Remmington Noiseless Portable,” a still-glowing Draco shared.“I can read,” Harry said, gesturing towards the machine’s gold letters.“Could’ve fooled me,” said Draco. It was oddly comforting to see that their dynamic had not entirely changed.“Noiseless Portable. So, it’s silent? Is that how you typed those notes at my bedside?”“I will have you know that I do not lurk around your sleeping form. I merely pop in briefly to deliver my correspondence. And no, you absolutely would have woken up,” said Draco, who clacked at the keys to demonstrate.”“So, noiseless for its time, then.”“And equally as portable. It’s actually quite heavy.”“Have you considered using a computer?”“Well, I could hardly sneak a computer anywhere! They’re as big as a whole room!”Harry smirked at Malfoy’s very limited understanding of muggle technology. He would correct him another time; he didn’t have the heart to put him in his place. This was the first time he’d seen him vulnerable and happy at the same time. He didn’t want to jinx it, so to speak.By holding off on insulting him, Harry began to see the typewriter through Draco’s eyes. Of course— far from a Weasley, or a member of any wizarding family for that matter, Draco would have been entirely shut off from knowledge of muggles’ better qualities. This must be huge for him.“Your parents don’t know you have this, do you? Or are they feeling that guilty?”Draco’s face fell for the briefest of moments. Then, he gave out a laugh— self-effacing, but genuine. So, he really was the person his letters suggested: a bully evolved, someone who could take a barb and shoot one back.“They’re the same as always. I mean, obviously they’re on… a different path now, but our relationship is the same as ever. They love me and they don’t act like it.” He turned to face Harry. “Have you ever gotten an immense amount of cruelty, and an immense amount of love, from the very same people?”“No,” Harry said, though a couple of faces popped into his mind afterward.“It’s hard to react to. The extent to which you should distance yourself from people like that… especially when it’s your family. And when, frankly, you don’t know who or what you’d have left if you simply cut ties.” Draco was suddenly struck with panic. “No, I don’t mean it like that! I mean, I wouldn’t ever do anything like… the things I did… again. If they ever tried to manipulate me into doing something evil, I know for sure I’d rather die on the street than have a relationship with my family.The interpretation that embarrassed Draco had not occurred to Harry. In fact, he felt more comfortable than he had in years.“Relax. If the people who rescued me from my horrid relatives were dark wizards, I might have followed their lead. I’d have no way of knowing there was a better path. After all, I was just a kid. As were you.”“Thank you,” Draco said, tight-lipped and formal. He continued to hammer away at the keys, clearly uncomfortable with such unconditional acceptance. To lighten the mood, Harry attempted another playful jab. “The only way in which you’ve disappointed me tonight is by not being a cute girl. I’d gotten my hopes up that a warrior witch would show up.”Draco’s face fell again— and it stayed fallen. This time, the laugh that followed was bereft of all sincerity. Harry perceived Draco to be half-listening— focused intently on his typing. Harry stared into space. The silence was unbearably awkward, given that he’d freshly befriended his sworn enemy. Apparently, the first topic of conversation in such scenarios was typewriters. Then what? “I’m sorry I permanently disfigured you?” “It’s okay, you were just saving the world.” “Care for a game of chess, then?”But soon, Harry was no longer staring into space. His gaze hadn’t switched direction; his view had become lucid. Draco’s impossibly blonde hair reflected lamplight flickering on the table above them. One strand fell into his face. This breach in perfection made the severity of his style all the more endearing. His grey eyes were unblemished by a speckle of any other color— that had to be rare, right? An iris made up entirely of one color, each spot barely deviating in shade from the next?— and his lashes were so richly black that his pale skin provided contrast. He was, in many ways, a physical opposite of Harry— and in every way, silver.Harry broke out of his reverie.“I completely forgot to ask you—” Draco was still clattering away— typing gibberish, as it turned out. Harry touched his hands to still them. Draco turned quickly, looking startled and confused. He really does concentrate deeply, Harry assumed. “I forgot to ask you,” he continued, removing his hand without a second thought as to Draco’s expression, “how did you know I was here?”“Ah.” Malfoy replaced the lid over his typewriter, and pushed the case off to the side, It occurred to Harry that the answer was more complex than he’d anticipated. “Snape taught me.”Harry threw his head back and laughed.“I knew it! There were so many times I thought he could see me through that cloak. But why didn’t he get me in trouble over it?” He rested his back against the wall and smiled at the ceiling. “I’ll never truly figure out that man.”“Probably not,” Malfoy replied, his voice equal parts curtness and restraint.“I’m sorry,” said Harry. “I’ve lost so many people that I don’t know how to react to their memories anymore. I forgot he was such an important mentor to you.” Probably a better father figure than the one you’ve still got, thought Harry. Then again, the competition wasn’t stiff.“It’s fine,” said Malfoy. “You’ve restored his name more than I ever could. As for seeing through invisibility cloaks, though— it’s not as simple as that.”“No?”“No.” Malfoy held a steady tone, yet Harry sensed that he was acutely uncomfortable with the subject. His cool demeanor was far more transparent one-on-one.“You don’t actually owe me,” said Harry, recalling their letters. “If you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t have to talk about it, or even stay here.”Malfoy heaved an exasperated sigh.“As we’ve just established, I no longer have someone I feel comfortable being vulnerable around. That mantle falls to you, Potter,” he said, gently poking him in the ribs.“Thank god,” said Harry, “because I really think it’s important to know that kind of thing for when I’m an Auror.”Draco finally smiled again.“So ambitious! I’m surprised you weren’t placed in Slytherin.”“Funny story about that…” Harry leaned one arm against the wall, wanting to drink in Draco’s next reaction. He felt himself smiling with embarrassment, and— to his surprise— a certain degree of pride.“No!” gasped Draco, his own smile baring its own curious mix of scandal and amusement.“Yes. Details to come.”Newly confident, Draco continued.“Snape never mentioned seeing you, so I can only conjecture. He may have had some idea that you were there— depending on how attuned he was to his environment, and how much he’d picked up on your mannerisms.”“He did watch me like a hawk from the moment he met me,” Harry recalled. “Which is in no way a joke about his nose.” Draco did chuckle at that one.“It isn’t just about observing mannerisms, but it can help. The way a person moves their arms when they walk, the exact way they distribute their weight when their foot hits the ground… even if there’s no noise involved per se, someone very familiar with you can perhaps since a shift in the air around them.”“So why not just march over and drag me to McGonagall’s?”“There’s a difference between perceiving that something’s off, and being at all certain of the cause. Perhaps he had an inkling you were there, but he wasn’t sure— certainly not sure enough to go about grasping at thin air.”“But you.” Harry again felt heavy silence fall around him. This time, the hush was not eerie; it was profound. It isolated that precise moment in time— marked it as crucial to the way each of their lives would unfold. Yet there was to be no thought of the future, nor to the past, until that moment had been spent.“Right.” Draco shifted a bit, but continued. “Unless you’re an extraordinarily powerful wizard, in which case you can literally see through Invisibility Cloaks, knowing the precise position of a cloaked individual can’t be achieved by mere perception. It’s a matter of a deep, personal connection. Snape had some sort of deep feelings about your parents, right?”“Something like that,” grumbled Harry. “I guess that could have rubbed off on you, to an extent. All I know for sure is that it takes a profound, long-lasting, extraordinary feeling about a person to see them beneath a Cloak without actually seeing them.” There was a deep pause, which Draco seemed impatient to end. “So, when I met you— okay, the second time I met you— and you rejected me, I’d never felt so embarrassed. That led to years of childish resentment. Humbling you was practically an obsession.”Draco began to speak faster— willing his mouth to outrun his pride.“It’s all been very muddled, and there were other things, like when we had detention in the Forbidden Forest, I was a bit… distracted of course, but I noticed you had kind of a warm presence, and a certain subtle smell, too.”Draco had run out of things to ramble about, leaving Harry to piece together what little he could glean from it. Detention in the Forbidden Forest— when they were First Years? So it was long-lasting, but all the same…“I don’t really understand. This is a fairly rare gift, right? So even if your feelings were somewhat consistent, I don’t see how they were profound, or extraordinary—“Harry was cut short by Draco’s lips on his. By the time he realized what was happening, his hands were already pressed against Draco’s cheeks. He leaned in, lapping gently at the other boy’s lips until he felt them part. Their tongues moved slowly against each other. They savored each new movement, as if they’d always known their rivalry would culminate in this way. They had a natural, instant rhythm. It was entirely free of the awkward trial and error most couples experience at the beginning of their first shared kiss. Harry moaned into Draco’s mouth, and refused to be embarrassed by the reaction. When Draco mirrored his vocalization a moment later, the hum from his lips, coupled with the sweetness of his voice, was almost achingly satisfying.They must have been at it for at least a few minutes before Draco pulled away, but it was still far too soon.“Sorry,” he said, “I’m not good with words.”“Then shut up,” Harry said, cupping him behind his head, pulling him in again. After a moment they laughed, but still managed to continue the kiss. A feeling of joy— of being entirely unfettered by the world around him, caring only about the man whose lips were locked on his— filled Harry’s entire body. He pulled Draco on top of him, embracing him tightly, wanting to feel their bodies flush together. Having accomplished this, he rolled him onto the ground, deepening the kiss, each of them moaning with less and less inhibition. Harry stopped only to trail to kisses down Draco’s absurdly gorgeous neck— “Are you carved out of fucking marble?” he mused— nipping and licking every so often. Draco squirmed beneath him, releasing the most delicate little noises. This drove Harry mad; he needed to look into the eyes of the boy whose pleasure was so gratifying.He looked down at Draco, admiring his lips, his cheeks, those impossibly gray eyes. They each breathed fast and deep as they locked eyes. Their physical response to each other had carried the weight of their passion thus far. This was not an unpleasant experience even on its own. Now, having paused to admire each other, the full weight of their feelings dawned on them. Harry saw Draco, the only person that knew what he was going through, the man who did everything he could to make him feel less alone, despite his assumption that he’d mortify himself in the process. Draco saw Harry, a Christ figure with a moral compass he longed to have but never would, who made Draco feel such imperfection was okay. Harry, the object of his affection for as long as he could remember— first a schoolboy crush, then a sincere yet tragic admiration, and lately a love that acknowledged and embraced all flaws.Having recognized the magnitude of what they’d found in each other, their embrace became more desperate, their kisses faster, their sensations more acute. When Harry could think again, his first thought was that he’d be sleeping in the library every night for a long time to come. Draco had a four-post bed in mind, and a house to put it in— but that would come later.*“I have another question.”“Potterrr,” Draco whined, cuddling his head into Harry’s bare chest. “I’m so tired of talking.”Harry ran his hands down Draco’s back, warming his nearly luminescent skin. He embraced him gently, stretching his arms as wide as he could to cover the boy’s cool body. There were things he still wanted to know, but he wanted to make Draco as comfortable as possible in the process.“So, have you seen me before this year— all this time?”Draco perked his head up a bit, looking into Harry’s eyes.“Well, that’s the funny thing. I didn’t at first.”“Maybe you just didn’t pass me.”“I did. Even without an Invisibility Cloak, I’m great at slinking around unseen. I recognized your smell. Of course, I didn’t know why it was there, but in retrospect I can assume.”“Well, first years aren’t capable of much emotional depth. You hadn’t known me for very long, either.”“There’s something else Snape used to say: ‘No matter what one’s feelings are, it is impossible to permeate the cloak unless one means the wearer absolutely no harm.’”Harry didn’t think Draco was ready to hear it, but that sounded like the distinction between infatuation and love.“So, you just started seeing me recently?”Draco shook his head.“That’s the thing. I’ve seen you for over a year now. I love Snape, but… he was wrong.”Each of them thought back to that wretched night. Draco, in his heart of hearts, truly believed he would kill Dumbledore. Harry, on the other hand, no longer bought it. He raised a hand to stroke Draco’s hair. He nuzzled Harry’s chest, and fell into a sleep that looked angelic.It would take awhile for Draco to forgive himself. It would take Harry awhile to live with the things he’d seen. For the moment, however, his only desire was to match Draco’s slow, deep breaths, and fall asleep embracing him. This much he accomplished quickly.