#the bible says faith is hoping for what you can’t see

[carpisuns]

when I say im a creator you’re just gonna have to trust me on that

[howlingday]

ruby-jaune-gun-convention

While Ruby, along with the Blade Girls (including a humanized Crocea Mors), was away and looking at some of the other stalls, Jaune had found himself drifting over to a stall with a man covered in bandages from head to toe. He found himself striking up a conversation with the man, talking about the weapon upon the table; it, like all the others, was a .45 1911 Colt that seemed to be like all the others, but what stood out was not the snake skin grip, but the Latin, which he could not read, engraved onto both sides of the gun. These were two parts to same verse, and it read “And the light shineth in darkness and the darkness comprehended it not.”

Jaune did not know why, but he felt his chest constrict, but unlike all of the times before that were painful and agonizing, this one was simply somber, as off the verse that had been engraved onto the gun had struck a cord with him, and made him truly think about what he has been through up to this point.

???: “Have you found something that has caught your attention?”

Jaune: “Oh, uh, nothing much sir. Just these two lines engraved onto the gun, what do they say?”

???: “Ah, those are two parts of the same verse. They read ‘And the light shineth in darkness, and darkness comprehended it not’. Is there something about it that bothers you?”

Jaune: “N-No sir, it’s just…” Jaune tried to find the words to say, something, anything that could describe just what he is feeling right now but every time he thinks he has something, it slips away from him. Just like Pyrrha had.

???: “You are troubled by something, a loss of the very light that had helped to guide you for so long, now gone and you feel like there is no way out of the darkness around you? Yet, you move forward, trying to find the light you had lost in the hopes of one day finding it and feeling it’s warmth once more.”

Jaune didn’t know why, but the bandaged man had perfectly worded his feelings that he was currently going through after such little time the two had talked for. Before he could say anything, the man continued.

???: “You are not the first person that I have encountered that has felt like that before. They have, just like you currently are, have lost the one thing that gave you more then just a sense of purpose; you have lost something, or someone, that can never be replaced and have searched for it out in the darkness, hoping that it may still be out there, waiting for you to find it again. This has often led many of those, much like yourself, down a darker path. One they could not find their way off of.”

Jaune looked up towards him, tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

Jaune: “Then, what am I supposed to do then? I can’t just give up and let myself be consumed by the darkness. I can’t just give up on those who need help.”

He then turned to Jaune, as of expression on his face

???: “Tell me young man, do you believe in God?”

Jaune: “You mean the two brothers?”

Jaune wasn’t sure just why he would be asking him this? What could belief in the Brothers possibly help him with?

???: “No, I mean God, from the Bible of the Christian faith.”

That caught Jaune for a loop. There was a divine being out there simply known as God?

Jaune: “I’ve… never heard of him before. Besides, what good would me praying to another god do if all of the others have left me with no answers? It’s hard to believe in someone that won’t answer you.”

Rather than being upset, the man simply chuckled.

???: “It does not surprise me that you have not heard of him, and I can understand why you would feel that way. There is much to be skeptical of in this world, so it no longer surprises me, to learn how many people don’t really believe in anything. “What’s the point?”. For many of us, the road is a difficult one, but the path is always there for us to follow, no matter how many times we may fall. The good news is that we can help you find your way back.”

He then looked out towards the crowds of people, and Jaune looked with him, seeing the many people that were going about the convention, though some appeared to have a more jaded look to theme

???: “Naturally, some days are… harder than others, but I must try. We all have doubts. The light of the mind alone cannot burn away all darkness.”

Jaune: “If there really is no way to keep the darkness away, then why do I keep trying to keep it away? What’s the point?”

Tears could then be seen welling up in his eyes, threatening to fall at any moment as he continued to wonder why he even kept fighting if the darkness would eventually win out in the end. What was the point of all his struggles if he would always be destined to wander the darkness.

???: “Think on it, and look in your heart. It will be for the best. When the come tumbling down, when you lose everything you have, you always have family.”

Jaune then looked at him, a single tear running down his cheek as his eyes never left the man. Family. He had always been fighting to bring honor to his by becoming both a huntsman and a hero, but he had not once been able to get into contact with them for so long after the CCT went down, only ever being able to talk to Saphron, Terra and Adrian after reaching Argus. Was the rest of his family okay, though?

Jaune: “What keeps you going?”

???: “The fire that kept me alive, was love. Their love. Gods love.”

Jaune looked down again, the tears flowing freely as he saw them fall to the floor.

Jaune: “What if it’s not enough, though? What if I can’t get out of the darkness that I find myself in now? What then?”

To his surprise, the man let out a good natured chuckle.

???: “Right. You’re not so certain. Fair enough, we all go through periods of darkness. Of course… in a world filed with misery and uncertainty, it is a great comfort to know that, in the end, there is light in the darkness. In such times, we turn to the Lord, but it’s good to have friends. And the Good Lord knows there’s much to be done here.”

Jaune stopped holding back his tears at that point, letting them flow freely as he felt as if a burden had been lifted off of his chest. All his time spent contemplating the what ifs, the unknowns, the unpleasant unpredictability of the world around him, he finally felt some form of peace.

When they eventually found Jaune again, he was sitting in the food court in new gear, a cross necklace around his neck, a strange book that he was reading in his hand, and the .45 1911 Colt on his hip.

While Crocea didn’t know what Ruby was feeling, from the look in Jaune’s eyes, she could see that he had finally found some form of closure to the pain he has gone through, and he has come out stronger because of it. It looked as if he was finally, after so long in a dark tunnel, finally reaching the light at the end.

This was nice story. Glad to see Jaune get closure. Can't really see how I could improve on this, so I'll just leave it as it is.

[christianbelievers]

ARE YOU CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT LIFE IN ETERNITY WILL BE LIKE?

Are there days when you just want to hear God’s voice, or feel his hand upon your shoulder? The closer we get to going home, the more I long to see and feel what’s ahead. I look forward to seeing the beauty of Heaven, the Lord on his throne, and the people that are waiting there for us. I long to feel the never ending peace that will fill us and never run dry. I long to see the New Earth. I can’t wait to see if it’s going to be like the Garden of Eden in the beginning, or some other kind of paradise.

Jesus spoke of a paradise twice in the New Testament, and Paul once. The first time was when the thief on the cross next to Jesus asked the Lord to remember him when He came into his kingdom. Jesus replied, "Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise." (Luke 23:43) The next time Jesus uses the word is in the Book of Revelation, “Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.” (Revelation 2:7) The Apostle Paul told about an experience that he had.

“I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows—was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell.”

(2nd Corinthians 12:2-4)

I can’t help but wonder what Paul saw. Was it more than what the Apostle John saw and describes in the Book of Revelation? A phrase that Paul used definitely causes a sense of wonder. He said that he “heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell.” Like a curious child, I look forward to hearing, and seeing the things that Paul did.

I think it’s a fun thing to wonder about what lies ahead, in that castle in the sky. Oh, the things that we’ll see! Who will we see? Will we actually meet Jesus face to face? Will He talk to us, and tell us, “Well done, good and faithful servant”? I’ve often wondered how I will act when I first enter Heaven. Will I stand there when I should be kneeling? Will I be looking around when I’m supposed to be singing? Will there be hymnals, or will we automatically know the words?

The other night, I laid in bed listening to end of The Pilgrims Progress (Part 1). The two pilgrims, Christian and Hopeful, were just entering the Celestial City. As the gates to Heaven were opened for them, their bodies were transformed into their eternal bodies. Then, as they entered they were greeted by thousands of angels and others who had gone before them, including friends and family members. They were cheering for them as though they had just crossed the finish line. Oh, what a wonderful thought!

The Bible tells us the kinds of things we should be thinking about while we wait for the Lord, and I would add, “things that we should be thinking about when life gets hard.”

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)

I find that this verse in particular helps me lately…

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2nd Corinthians 4:18)

Eternal is the key word. Eternal means that we’ll never die, or even get sick. Our shoes, or sandals, will never wear out. There will always be enough to eat, and no more grocery bills. No bills whatsoever! Instead of writing checks, we’ll trade our fruits and vegetables. Oh, it does sound good doesn’t it!

There are some places in the Bible where I think we can get a glimpse or two into the future. In one there is an ailing beggar who dies and is taken to Abraham’s side. In the King James Version it says that he went into Abraham’s bosom. The word bosom in the Greek can mean “a bay” or “creek”. To me, that sounds peaceful, nice quiet, trickling streams of water…even living water!

The Prophet Isaiah prophesied about Jesus…

“Righteousness will be his belt and faithfulness the sash around his waist.

The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them. The cow will feed with the bear, their young will lie down together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox. The infant will play near the cobra's den, the young child will put its hand into the viper's nest.

They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain, for the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the LORD as the waters cover the sea.” (Isaiah 11:5-9)

There is a similar passage in Isaiah 65. It is speaking of the 1000 year reign, but there are still things at that time that will also be eternal. The 1000 years, the Millenium, is the period after Jesus has returned to Earth and placed Satan in the Abyss, or pit. After the thousand years is over Satan will be released for a short time for one final chance to deceive the world. I don’t understand the Millennial period as well as I would like to, but with the help of better equipped Christian scholars I will share what I can about this strange time. But I can tell you that if you are a born again Christian at the time of the Rapture…your eternity is secure in Christ. So, let’s take a brief look at some of the things concerning the Millenium.

"See, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create, for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight and its people a joy.

I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in my people; the sound of weeping and of crying will be heard in it no more. "Never again will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not live out his years; the one who dies at a hundred will be thought a mere child; the one who fails to reach a hundred will be considered accursed.

They will build houses and dwell in them; they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit. No longer will they build houses and others live in them, or plant and others eat. For as the days of a tree, so will be the days of my people; my chosen ones will long enjoy the work of their hands.

They will not labor in vain, nor will they bear children doomed to misfortune; for they will be a people blessed by the LORD, they and their descendants with them.

Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.

The wolf and the lamb will feed together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox, and dust will be the serpent's food. They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain," says the LORD.” (Isaiah 65:17-25)

The following sections of notes are copied from got questions dot org…

(“The 1,000-year reign will be the beginning of Jesus’ reign over Israel and the earth.” “God promised the nations of the world that they would live in peace with Jesus as their ruler.” (Daniel 7:11–14) And He promised creation that the curse would be lifted (Romans 8:18–23), animals and the earth would be restored to peace and prosperity (Isaiah 11:6–9; 32:13–15), and people would be freed from disease (Ezekiel 34:16). These, too, will be fulfilled during the 1,000-year reign.”)

Now, you’re probably wondering who will occupy the Earth during the Millenium…

(“Everyone who enters that kingdom will be redeemed by God and therefore righteous (see Isaiah 35:8–10). Among those redeemed will be two distinct groups of people: those with glorified physical bodies and those with natural, earthly bodies.

Those who occupy the millennial kingdom with glorified bodies can be divided into three subgroups: the church, whose bodies were either resurrected or changed at the rapture (1 Thessalonians 4:13–18; 1 Corinthians 15:21–23, 51–53); tribulation martyrs, who are resurrected after Christ returns to earth (Revelation 20:4–6); and the Old Testament saints, who we assume are resurrected at the same time (see Daniel 12:2). Those who occupy the kingdom with earthly bodies have survived the tribulation and can be subdivided into two groups: believing Gentiles and believing Jews.”)

So, only Believers will enter the Millenium. And because they will have earthly bodies…they will have children…and repopulate the Earth. But here is what got questions dot org says concerning these children, etc…. (“Children born during the millennial kingdom will have the responsibility to exercise faith in Christ, the same as all people of past ages. Some of those born during the millennial kingdom will choose to not believe. That is why Scripture speaks of those who die under a curse (Isaiah 65:20) and why the Lord lays out consequences for nations that do not worship Him: “If any of the peoples of the earth do not go up to Jerusalem to worship the King, the Lord Almighty, they will have no rain” (Zechariah 14:17).)

This is why Satan is released after the 1000 years. Like I said, it’s kind of strange period that God has planned, but for those that come out of the seven year tribulation it will be a time of growing in Christ and teaching their children about Jesus.

I’ve often wondered if this would be the time when we “rule and reign” with Christ, and that part of our responsibility would be to do our best to help all those who came out of the tribulation, and the children born to them, to become true Believers who would not be deceived by Satan when he is released. This is what got questions dot org said about that…

(“However, all believers will rule the nations (Revelation 2:26–27; 20:4) and judge the world (1 Corinthians 6:2). The apostle Peter calls Christians “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation” (1 Peter 2:9). In Revelation 3:21, Jesus says about the believer who conquers, “I will grant him to sit with me on my throne.” In some sense, then, Christians will share authority with Christ (cf. Ephesians 2:6). There is some biblical evidence, as in the Parable of the Ten Minas (Luke 19:11–27), that individuals will be given more or less authority in the Kingdom according to how they handle the responsibilities God has given them in this age (Luke 19:17).”)

So, this could mean that you and I will govern over cities and towns during the Millenium. We will be perfected in Christ at that time so we would reign as He would.

But after all that, we will finally begin the eternal state for ALL the true Believers. This is the time when any chance of sin is completely removed from the world, never to be seen or heard of ever again. Amen!

There are going to be a lot of changes from the world that we live in now. It sounds like the Lord could make things the way that they used to be. Instead of killing animals for food we will do as God told Adam and Eve in the beginning…

“Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.

And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food." And it was so.” (Genesis 1:29-30)

You know, there won’t be any natural disasters anymore either. No earthquakes, twisters, floods, or anything that might harm God’s children. It won’t be too hot, or too cold…it will be “just right” all the time.

My wife reminded me of another thing that we will see…John’s vision of the Holy City coming down from Heaven.

“I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Look! God's dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.

'He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.”

(Revelation 21:2-7)

Yes, what a beautiful sight that will be. And we thought the grand finale at the fireworks show was cool! As my wife said about the Holy City coming down, “prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.” The Groom and his Bride…forever.

This life is only temporary. Soon all the bad things of this life will be forgotten and never brought to mind again. So, while we wait a little longer, let’s take Paul’s advice and…

“Fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2nd Corinthians 4:18)

These are the things that Jesus began to tell his disciples about when He said…

“Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.” (John 14:1-3 KJV)

I think all of us have things in our lives that cause our hearts to be troubled at one time or another, things that cause us to feel weary and worn out. Jesus knew that we would have these times; but He wanted us to remember that our faith in Him overcomes all of life’s trials, and secures eternity in paradise for us.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

Are you ready? I can’t wait! I can’t wait to see those waiting for me when I cross the finish line.

It won’t be much longer. Hang in there friends. God truly has a wonderful plan for the rest of our life…the eternal one. These times of trouble truly are just momentary when we consider a future without any pain, suffering, crying, sorrow, or death.

And I’ll leave you with my personal thoughts…

Will there be dinosaurs, and will I be able to ride them? Will I be able to run across a lake, instead of walking around it? Oh, the possibilities!

God Bless!

[camojacketfag]

Fucking hell, dude. Your blog hit me in the gut like a nine-pound hammer. I’m a Michigan boy, born and bred, but did spend a year living in rural Indiana — and your pictures and posts and reblogs feel like home. For better or worse, they feel like home.

My year in Indiana was wild and reckless and free. That was where I lost my faith, where I lost my virginity, and where I found a part of my soul that I didn’t realize I’d been missing. The Midwest is a wild place, and she raises wild children who will always carry their mother with them, in their hearts and blood and bones, no matter how far we go, or how hard we try to leave her behind.

Thank you for this. Thank you for sharing what these places mean to you, and what you see in them. Thank you for sharing who you are through these places.

The way I’ve had your confession in my inbox for like two weeks man and I just keep ruminating on the right shit to say but I don’t really know what to say because it feels like you tore a fucking page out of my own notebook and said exactly what I’m trying to confess every god damn day. I lost my virginity to some dude named josh when I was 18 who read me his favorite bible verses after all was said and done. I learned to eventually find comfort and joy in inhabiting this part of the world after a tumultuous four years in which I made the fucking choice to finally heal and try and assess who it is I wanted to be. I’ve lost so much man. Friendships, relationships, moments I know I’ll never recover, all because I made the stupid ass decision to seclude myself and try and heal and comprehend why it is I am the way that I am. Most of my anxiety nowadays comes with wondering if I made the right decision in the end. I’m still in my 20s, and I’ve got so much left to learn and experience yet I spend my afternoons piling dirt onto the graves of those I’ve lost along the way. Every year is spent fighting with the remains of my dwindling faith. I’d like to maintain a belief in the mysticism of everyday life. In the idea that things happen to you for a reason and that ever so passionately you’re being guided by a mystical force much wiser and powerful than you could ever imagine, yet I spend the first half of most my years losing my faith, only to then somber and beg for its return in the later half of the year. Recently I’m grateful for the return of my vibrant rage man. I lost it earlier this year due to a relapse in my obsessive and compulsive nature and the desperation for hope that follows after. As of last week, somehow, I ended up in the right place, at the right time, to acknowledge the rage still residing deep within. How it hungers to break and bend and spit and scream and destroy and show everyone I spend mourning over that they’ll someday realize how worthy I was of keeping around. I’ve made my choice man. No return, I say. I know what I suffer from. I know what it is I’ve gone through. I know why it is my brain works the way it does and it took so much unnecessary sacrifice. So fucking be it man. Often, I wonder if others perceive me as selfish for doing this. I wish I could make them understand that I decided to get better, not only for myself, but to be a better being for them as well. Yet, we can’t go back. Growing up here, living here, feeling invisible here, feeling alone here, will only add to the strength you’ve acquired as you’ve gotten older. For now, I’ll sit back, I’ll people watch, I’ll listen to my records, read my books, write my words, rage every chance I’m given, and I’ll find a way to make peace with the idea that it will all work out in the end. I’ve no mountains to run to. No skyscrapers I can dig myself underneath. No late night booming clubs I can drown my sorrows with. Just plains and corn and a hunger to be more. To never settle. And I hope, you feel the same man. Take care of yourself and try and be kind to yourself! Thanks for reaching out. Means a lot.

[anamericangirl]

Various experiments and physical evidence easily accessible as well as multiple sources corroborating and reiterating it as fact. As opposed to one book that contradicts itself, makes claims that are not reproducible, and is over 2000 years old and not been corroborated by any modern individual. "How can you believe something with tons of hard evidence but not outrageous claims that only have 'because I said so' backing them? Checkmate atheists"

Did you perform these experiments and see this physical evidence yourself? Or are you just trusting what resources you’ve read that are all written by men have said about these experiments and physical evidence?

The age of the Bible is irrelevant to whether or not it is accurate. Having historical documents that old is actually pretty amazing.

When you make those claims about the Bible you’re just proving you don’t know anything about it and you think if you don’t personally know something then it’s just not true. Those are all variably false claims. The Bible does not contradict itself and no scientific or historical fact that’s been discovered has ever contradicted the bible.

Historians and archeologists have used the Bible as a guide to find ancient structures and locations that were discovered right where the Bible said they would be. Even things that people previously doubted existed. The Bible also contains a lot of scientific accuracy that was advanced knowledge for most people and cultures of that time.

It has been studied and used as a historical guide since it was written and if you use the same level of scrutiny to judge it as you do other sources then you can’t deny it is a historically reliable document. But you don’t use the same level of scrutiny. You use completely different standards because you’re an edgy atheist or whatever.

You don’t have to believe the Bible but claiming it’s a book that has no corroborating evidence, makes claims that aren’t reproducible and contradicts itself is foolish and just proves you are not educated even a little bit in this area because it’s not hard to know that’s wrong by simply looking into it yourself which you clearly haven’t done. You haven’t even read the Bible and you’re mocking and dismissing it. Which means you are just trusting some uncorroborated nonsense you saw written by men that research has already debunked.

Anyway, unless you performed those experiments yourself and examined the hard evidence yourself you are just trusting books and sources written by men and taking it on faith that what they told you is true.

I’m not having this discussion with you anymore because I can tell you’re not being genuine. You are choosing to just to be dismissive of whatever I say before I even say it. You don’t know what you’re talking about and it’s obvious. You can mock the Bible all you want it makes no difference to me because I know the truth and your severe ignorance on the matter does not even create a dent in any argument or belief I’ve stated. You can’t do that when you are as uneducated as you are. I hope you become wiser and learn how to research and understand what you read. I hope you can at least gain enough knowledge to realize that there actually is a lot of corroborating evidence outside of the bible. For your own sake. Even if you don’t believe the bible you wouldn’t come across so ignorant in discussions pertaining to it.

I’ll pray for you. God bless.

[momentsbeforemass]

What do you believe in?

What do you believe in?

For most of us, there are at least two answers to that question. There’s what I like to think of as the official answer.

The one where we talk about our Faith. Or about God. Maybe highlighted by a favorite Bible verse. Or a story about the grace of God in our own lives.

And then there’s the other answer. What I like to think of as the working answer.

It’s the answer that most of us never really think about. But it’s the one that we live. The answer that we give with our time. And it’s the one that shapes who we are.

Based on what we spend our time with, a lot of us believe in things we don’t want.

Because we’re spending our time thinking about things we hope will never happen. Or dwelling on things that frighten us. Or lashing out at things we don’t like.

When we do that, when we spend our time thinking about the things we don’t want. It does something to us.

We start to see everything through the eyes of fear.

We start seeing what we have – whether it’s health, or wealth, or opportunity, or whatever it is we’re saying “mine” about – through the eyes of fear. As all we’ll ever have. As ours to lose.

Our fear of losing what we’re saying “mine” about?

That fear will overshadow everything else in our lives. It will become what we truly believe in.

When it does, it will start closing us off to other people. And to God. Because once it gains the center, fear pushes everyone and everything else away.

If you’re believing in anything other than God, you’re opening the door to fear. Because believing in anything else, including yourself, guarantees that what you believe in will eventually fail. That in the end, you will in fact lose what you have.

Which means your fear will only grow stronger. Because it will be grounded in a self-fulfilling prophecy of loss. 

None of that is what God ever intended for you. It’s why Jesus so focused in today’s Gospel on the importance of what you believe.

Let’s start with the basics.

God loves you. More than you know. God wants the very best for you.

God’s best starts not with what you believe in. But with who you believe in, and the impact that believing in Him has on your life.

Instead of being consumed by fears, fill yourself with God.

Make God your working answer. The answer you give with your time. What does that mean?

It means take all the time that you’re wasting thinking about things you hope will never happen. Or dwelling on things that frighten you. Or lashing out against things you don’t like.

And investing it in God. By thinking about God. Drawing close to God. Just being with God.

But what about all those other things? How do you just turn all that off?

You can’t. Not by yourself. And that’s okay, because you don’t have to.

Just do your best. Then hand it over to God. All of it. The good stuff and the bad stuff.

And keep handing all of it over to God. As many times as it takes. For as long as it takes.

Believe in the simple truth. That the God who loves you is more than capable of taking care of all of it. Whatever it is.

Believe in God. And know that God will take what you did, and make it better than you could ever imagine.

Believe in God.

That means doing your part. Then handing it over to God. And letting it go.

And receiving back from God the peace that only comes with giving it all to Him.

Today’s Readings

[wolint]

GRACE TO OVERCOME!

GRACE TO OVERCOME

Ephesians 2:8-9

 

What exactly is grace? It is the favourable influence of God in renewing the heart through the application of Christ’s righteousness. Grace is undeserved favour. It is mercy when we don’t expect it or deserve it. Grace is God’s adornment of His people. God’s decoration of His children, beautifying and dignifying them that are least qualified to overcome.

The Bible tells us how God has extended grace to us by offering us salvation-eternal life with him-for free! We don’t have to do anything to earn it. In fact, we can’t earn it or buy it. We simply accept it by believing that Jesus, God’s Son, died for our sins so we wouldn’t have to.

Psalm 84:11 implies that grace is God’s good will, kindness shown through encompassing love and unmerited favour. Grace begins with God and is given freely. His graciousness to us is our example for extending grace and mercy to others. Grace cannot be earned. It is freely given.

Grace is the gift of God by which He extends mercy, loving kindness and salvation to everyone.

It is by God’s grace that he decided to offer us the gift of salvation. There is nothing we can do to earn it. We simply receive it with faith and in thanks.

God is gracious in action!

God’s grace is revealed in Jesus Christ who demonstrates visibly the grace of God fulfilled through the ministry of Christ- see John 1:14-17.

God’s grace is our only hope in this fallen, twisted and messy world. It is the only hope we have to overcome every plan and purpose of the enemy.

Israel was devastated by times of intense rebellion and sin. Yet when the people repented and returned to God, he delivered them. God puts no limit on the number of times we can come to him to obtain mercy, but we must come to obtain it, recognizing our need and asking him for help. This miracle of grace should inspire us to say, “What a gracious and merciful God you are!” If there is a recurring problem or difficulty in our lives, continue to ask God for help, and be willing and ready to make changes in attitude and behaviour that will correct that situation. Read Ephesians 1:3-2:10. There are forces working tirelessly to limit, condemn, distract, fail or completely stop us from enjoying all the benefits available to the saints of God.

Every believer must arm themselves with two things the enemy fears the most if the grace to overcome must be impacting and those are the word and name of God according to Isaiah 59:19, Philippians 2:10 and Hebrew 4:12.

God is always ready to fight for us when we call His name and acknowledge His sovereignty over all things for Hid grace is always sufficient for us according to 2 Corinthians 12:9 and not dependent on our performance.

God has graced and will continue to grace us to overcome.

God’s grace finds goodness in everything.

Grace takes the blame.

Grace covers shame.

Grace finds beauty out of the ugly.

We've got to learn to hold on and out for grace, as it’s the only thing that makes life bearable.

Grace stopped Abimelech from being destroyed in Genesis 20:2-7.

Grace gave Cain a mark to save him from being killed in Genesis 4:13-15.

Grace stopped to meet the adulterous woman in John 8:1-1.

God’s grace is sufficient for us to overcome any and every situation and challenge if we accept the grace and allow it to empower us.

God's grace manifested in Jesus Christ makes it possible for God to cause us to reflect His grace in our character and relationships. Position yourself for grace to overcome! The condition for receiving God's grace is humility as stated in James 4:6, and 1 Peter 5:5.

Christ represents the fulfilment, the embodiment, and the dispenser of divine grace, and so, may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all according to 2 Thessalonians 3:18.

PRAYER: Thank you, Lord for the gift of grace to overcome in every area of my life in Jesus’ name, amen.

Shalom

WOMEN OF LIGHT INT’L PRAYER MIN.

[nexus-my-beloved]

Religion is a Disease.

CW: Religious Trauma, Vent Piece, Implied S/A, Possible DIsrespect to Religion (this entire piece is meant as a vent, a poetic description of what was once a child's pain. Apologies in advance if it offends anyone, but I figured I could make a possibly beautiful work out of it.)

Religion is a disease. 

More specifically, Christianity. 

A book full of books, chapters upon chapters, verses upon verses, all telling how you should live your life and the consequences that should come if you don’t follow the rules. 

Ten “commandments” that are put up in homes, rules you should follow that are punishable by great torture if you break them. 

Buildings dedicated to the teaching and preaching of a new set of verses each week, gathering on Sundays and sometimes Thursdays, sometimes Wednesdays, Tuesdays for kids on occasion and Saturdays on Christmas Eve if the day just so happens to fall on one– but you’ll go to church on Christmas Eve regardless, whether it be a normal church day or not, and you’ll go for service the next day for Christmas as well, unless your household values spending time with family over time with the Lord, but you’ll be sure to pray over your Christmas dinner and ask each one of your dishes blessed and bellies full and bodies to His service. 

A whole hivemind all worshiping one being that there isn’t proof is real, asking that you have faith, that the nonbelievers be saved, the children be baptized and the adults as well if their family was as disgraceful enough to not have it done when they were a child or to be done again just as an extra precaution. 

Groups of people across the globe, following the religion and praying and making sure to follow each rule and go to church on Sundays just for the hopeful promise that when they die they might reach heaven, or the fear instilled in them that if they don’t they’d go to hell. 

Christianity is a disease. It eats away at your mind, makes you question every ounce of yourself before any decision you make in a blind hope that God wouldn’t consider you a sinner for doing some action. A disease that makes you wonder in times of hopelessness “What would Jesus do?”, that makes you pray for help rather than go out and try to fix it yourself, believing that whatever outcome happens is the “Will of God”. 

Christianity makes you blind. You will look at others, see their ways of life and say “sinner”, call them crude names and disregard them entirely should they try and remind you that your number one rule is to love thy neighbor. It ruins your judgment, making you insensitive to your own family should they commit a sin you can’t find it in yourself to forgive. 

Christianity makes you believe that without praying, without God, you will fall to the depths of hell and wander into the temptation of the devil. It makes you believe that if you go against the rules, you will suffer in the eternal flames that await you downstairs. 

As righteous as the cause claims to be, it isn’t– no cause is righteous when it has caused the everlasting trauma of multiple, the trauma of children, where some of which try to (and, unfortunately, some succeed to) end their lives because of it. 

Christianity is a disease, or more accurately put, a virus. 

A disease is terminal, no way out of it; as much as they try, a church does not always manage to convince someone to be a believer all their lives. 

Instead, it plants its seeds in places, waiting to spread when someone stumbles upon it: bibles in the top drawers of hotel rooms, billboards asking if you’re going to heaven or hell, Jehovah’s Witnesses standing on sidewalks and yelling at any that pass by if they have thought about God’s plan for them. 

Viruses can be overcome– you’ll be sick for a while, and it’ll hurt you while it’s there, but you can get over it, and if you do there’s always the chance you’ll catch it again. Some people catch it, get better than fall sick again, and some people succumb to the virus and never become rid of it. 

Christianity is a virus, pulling people in and making them feel as though they’re alright until a certain sermon comes along and hurts them, yet they feel they need to be doing something better rather than the virus itself be the problem. 

Christianity ruins your mind, turns you against people you once thought you could trust and makes you believe that they’ve committed great atrocities that can’t be forgiven, even by God. 

The trick is that some rules are good to follow; honor your father and mother, do not commit adultery, thou shalt not kill– but the problem is when rules slip in that make you believe they are righteous even when they aren’t. 

You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination. 

Why should a man loving a man be seen as the same level of sin as killing another? Why should it be sin at all? If to love is to be good, and to love another is good, why is a man loving another man so awful? Why should it be punishable by the torture of hell? 

Christianity makes you blind, robs you of such rational thought and instead brainwashes you into only thinking of what “God” would say. 

Christianity is a cult. 

If God is so loving and righteous, why would God allow so many to go about their lives harming their families through rejection and bible verses thrown at them, sparking arguments and disowning family for any sin they deemed too much? 

A kind and loving God would not let his followers hurt their families. If God had flooded the Earth once before to rid them of the immorality it had become, why wouldn’t he do it again? Beside his promise, the world is so full of evil and pain, it needs to be redone anew. 

And yet, the world continues as it is, evil spreading and the cult of God causing lives to be taken and families to be torn apart. 

Christianity is a virus that causes you to ignore your family, to become blind to abuse and only focus on the idea that your once niece is now your nephew, your loving girl suddenly hateful; it causes you to only focus on the idea that she is gay, that she wishes for something your bible claims is wrong. Rather than focus on the idea of the abuse your sweet child you had raised from when they were little told you of, you focused on their sin, their wrongdoing, over the idea they were hurt. 

Christianity is a virus that causes you to throw out your own kin. It makes you neglect that they have tried to express themselves, ignore how they cut their hair terribly and short and don’t read into the obvious lie that it was to “disguise themselves” as they ran away from your home. Belief in your “God” makes you send your nephew that you still claim is a girl to a mental institute, and the child that had lived in your home that reeked of judgment and rejection was thankful for a time when they finally got help they had wanted; but that thankfulness turned sour, changed to hate, when you let the words fall that they tore apart the family with their sin, their “lies”, told them no part of their once family wanted to care for them and you sent them away for much longer than they had ever been from home. 

Christianity is a virus that causes you to only ever remind what was once your loving child how badly “she” ruined the family, how awful “she” made you look, how terrible of a person “she” was and make him hate himself further than he already had long before because he had known, deep down, that this was what reaction awaited him when he finally let his secrets spill. 

Christianity is a virus that makes you blind, makes you believe that your loved ones could not commit a sin you refused to believe, despite how easily you cast out your nephew for a lesser one. Or maybe, you always knew, and like how families of old in the bible used to use that kind of abuse as a show of dominance, you allowed it because you believe your lord wrote it to be. 

Christianity makes you a terrible person, when you take the words of a book written by men years ago and treat each word like it is so holy, ignore the subtractions from among the years and ignore the additions made by judging priests in years past, instead insisting it is “God’s Word” and following every phrase down to the last letter, the very stroke of whatever pencil or ink or carved stone tablet it had been written in so long ago. 

Christianity makes your family hate you, when you follow this book with such devotion that it tears your blood from you, makes them hate your very being and makes them hate themselves for having any relation with you. The family member that had once loved you, now refusing to ever call you their aunt. 

Christianity is a disease. 

It is vile, ruthless. 

Despite all the righteousness it claims to have, it tears holes in families and creates doubt, and when one person finally stops trying to fit the mold, the “Will of God” tears them from you and causes you to cast them out, to be on their own, to find a family that will love their sin-streaked soul. 

Christianity is a virus. Christianity is a disease. 

Christianity makes you sick. 

And it only makes the already guilt-ridden mind of a child forced to grow up too fast worse. 

~Fin.

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 5/7

What am I feeling today?

I’m doing better today than I was yesterday. I got up earlier and I have an actual plan and activities for today which I know I really needed. Just a little anxious getting things together and meetings for my new job today but also excited and grateful for the opportunity! Last night was a little worrisome with my cat bc I had to take her to the ER but she’s on meds now and hopefully she’ll recover swiftly. Overall, I’m feeling hopeful for what the day brings.

Romans 9 NIV

(v. 7-8) “Nor because they are his descendants are they all Abraham’s children. On the contrary, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.” In other words, it is not the children by physical descent who are God’s children, but it is the children of the promise who are regarded as Abraham’s offspring.”

basically, you don’t have to directly descend from Abraham to be considered a child of God :)

(v. 14-15) “What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.””

I do have mixed feelings about this and I’ll discuss it further with someone who knows the Bible better than me but overall it is shown that God does have mercy and compassion on us.

(v. 16) “It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy.”

This is something I struggled with early on and I know some others feel this way as well, that they’re trying or have this desire to be close to God but can’t quite get there. For those people, I highly encourage you to seek the kingdom - go to church, ask someone to study the Bible with you, fellowship with believers, be open and submissive to what they have to teach you <3

(v. 18) “Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.”

This again is something I’d like to discuss because it has always come across as unfair to me, but then again, what do I know🤷🏻‍♀️

(v. 19-21) “One of you will say to me: “Then why does God still blame us? For who is able to resist his will?” But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’ ” Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?”

I understand the analogy He is trying to make here but also the comparison of clay to a human life doesn’t again seem fair. Although, God is our creator and has the right to have us fulfill whatever plan He has planned.

(v. 32-33) “Why not? Because they pursued it not by faith but as if it were by works. They stumbled over the stumbling stone. As it is written: “See, I lay in Zion a stone that causes people to stumble and a rock that makes them fall, and the one who believes in him will never be put to shame.””

This just reminds me of Luke 17 - my main urge from this is of course we will encounter stuff in our daily lives that will cause us to stumble and some of them are tests, but so long as we remain firm in our relationship with Christ, there will be no shame and we’ll have the ability to resist.

[walkswithmyfather]

“Faith is being sure of what we hope for. It is being sure of what we do not see.” —Hebrews 11:1 (NIRV)

“Even though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not see him now, you believe in him. You are filled with a glorious joy that can’t be put into words.” —1 Peter 1:8 (NIRV)

“Lord, you keep the lamp of my life burning brightly. You are my God. You bring light into my darkness.” —Psalm 18:28 (NIRV)

“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” —1 John 1:7 (ESV)

“For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness.” —1 Thessalonians 5:5 (ESV)

“For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.” —Ephesians 5:8‭-‬11 (ESV)

“Faith is not a leap into the darkness, faith is a leap out of the darkness and into the light.”

“Faith: Leap Into Light!” By Sally Lloyd-Jones:

“Faith is believing what God says. Some people think faith is like taking a leap in the dark, that faith is blind. But the Bible says it’s the opposite. Away from God we are in the dark. That’s when we are blind, stumbling around.

John Newton was a notorious slave trader—but coming to know Jesus changed him forever. He spent the rest of his life working to free slaves and wrote the hymn “Amazing Grace”: “I once was blind,” he sang, “but now I see!”

When we come home to God it is not a leap into darkness.

It is a magnificent leap into light—the light of God’s love for us! “Jesus [said], ‘I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.'” — John 8:12 (KJV)

I've included this quote from a sermon by R.C. Sproul (below), because it's interesting and because it's amusing. 🙂

“Faith Is Not a Leap into the Darkness” By R.C. Sproul:

“The late great Augustine made the comment that there is a symbiotic relationship between faith and reason, one that is so important that if you try to have faith without reason, the faith that you will display will not be authentic Biblical faith, because a faith without reason, Augustine said, is not faith but credulity. It’s the kind of silliness that affirms that belief in the existence of little green men who live on the other side of the moon whose nonexistence as a negative can never be proven.

And you can argue saying that we’ve had people on the moon who have never encountered these little green men, and we have the Hubble telescope who have never been able to capture in their lens these little green men. And these people who are steadfast believers in the little green men will say, “Wow, that’s because these little green men that live on the other side of the moon have a built-in allergy to telescopes, to scientists, and to astronauts, so that they make themselves carefully hidden whenever a telescope is pointed in their direction.” Well, they can argue their point, but their faith is credulity. It’s foolishness.

Now, Augustine says that there is such a relationship between faith and reason and that it is no virtue to rejoice in an irrational faith. No, faith, though it is the substance of things unseen, is not a leap into the darkness. God never calls people to make a blind leap into the darkness as an exercise in faith. In fact, the New Testament always and everywhere calls us to leap out of the darkness and into the light.” Amen! 🙏🕊️🙌]

[kirk-says-wah]

𝗦𝘁 𝗔𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 - 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝟲

Pairings: Kirk/Lars, Kirk/James

TW: mentions of terminal illness and religious trauma

Here’s a chapter from James’s point of view. Let me know what you think!

You can also read it here

“How are you, James?”

James doesn’t want to answer that. In fact, he doesn’t want to be here at all.

His aunt’s house is stale, uptight, Christian. Every time he walks through the front door he can expect a sermon telling him that if he strays from god then he’s going to hell. And yknow, that’s not really what he needs right now.

Not when the only reason he visits is to see his mother.

She’d moved in with her sister when she’d gotten too frail for James to look after, and they’d hoped their joint prayers were enough for God to save her.

James doesn’t pray anymore. He doesn’t know how long his mom’s got.

He’s sat at her bedside, ankle folded onto his other knee, leg bobbing up and down as he takes in her appearance.

Her eyes look sunken in, dark and blemished, her lips chapped and arms so thin they look like they might break if she so much as lifts them.

“Are you okay, James?” she reiterates, her voice soft, gentle, calm. Too calm. James’s leg bounces quicker.

“M’fine,” he mumbles, pressing the pads of his thumbs into his temples.

She hums, nodding a little.

“Are your studies going okay?”

He doesn’t want to lie to her and say they are when he’s pretty sure he’s not gonna pass his SATs at this rate. He’s so far behind that he doesn’t even know how to catch up. All he has is football.

He nods anyway, leaning his cheek on a fist.

“Yeah.”

Her gaze stays on him a moment too long, and he looks away, can’t take her scrutinising him.

“Are you reading?”

And by that she doesn’t mean books and novels and comics. By that, she means the bible.

He’s not picked it up in months. He lost his faith a long time ago.

At least, he thought he had. But sometimes the repeated you’re going to hell gets to him more than he’d like.

He shifts, bends forwards, knuckles grazing over his knees, the denim rough and flaky under his touch.

“Of course.”

She smiles, though it doesn’t quite meet her eyes, settling back a little against the pillows propping her up.

“And what about your friends? Have you got someone special I should know about?” she asks, a mischievous glint to her eyes.

James just sighs. He doesn’t have anyone anymore. He had Kirk… god what he’d do to get Kirk back. But he seems to just mess everything up. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, doesn’t know how he’s supposed to feel. Because he kept telling Kirk that he loves him, but truthfully? He’s not all that sure. He’s never felt the same way about anyone else, and he guesses that must be what love is.

But now Kirk’s gone. Probably forever with the way things at prom went. And James tried. He did. But it’s hard when everything is screaming at him that this is wrong, that he’s not gay. And he’s not. He isn’t.

His mother can never know. Dave can never know.

The football player has already made it clear that if James makes one slip up, he’ll be off the team. James may be captain, but it seems Dave has some weird relationship with the coach, and so what Dave says goes. And he can’t risk being pushed off the team. He can’t risk being subjected to the same fate as Kirk; having to avoid nearly everyone in fear of being beaten up. He just can’t.

He doesn’t meet his mother’s eyes.

“No.”

He doesn’t even have friends to tell her about because no one really talks to him. Jason sometimes comes over, but Dave always seems to scare him off before James can get a word in.

His mom’s eyes soften, and she shakily holds a hand out.

“God will look after us, Jamie. We’ll be okay.”

Fuck that. God doesn’t give a shit, otherwise they wouldn’t be sat here right now.

He ignores her and stands, pivoting for the door, ignoring the hand offered out to him.

“James,” she shouts, though it’s frail and quieter than usual, but he pushes out the room, slamming the door behind him. He knows the sound will cause his aunt to come and see what’s going on, and he really can’t deal with that right now.

He practically sprints to the front door, thankfully avoiding everyone else in the house, before slipping out, locking himself in his truck.

He drives without really thinking, just a block or two before he pulls over, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

He heaves, a hand coming to his chest because he has the sudden notion that he can’t breathe. He just wants someone, anyone, to just hold him. He doesn’t want to feel so fucking alone anymore.

Tears crawl over his cheeks and he bashes a fist against the steering wheel, a wounded sound pushed from his throat. He’s ruined everything, and he’s got no one to tell.

He grits his teeth, presses his forehead against the wheel as he slams his palm against the side. Again and again and again until his palm’s stinging and red. He takes a deep breath, feeling it clog in his throat, but he swallows it down, wiping at his face with his wrist as he falls back against the seat.

He doesn’t know what to do. He hasn’t been back to school since prom, and even though every fibre of him is crying for him not to go back, he knows he’ll lose his place on the team if he doesn’t.

He sniffles. Fuck it. He’s going home. He turns the key, feeling the truck rumble to life, before he heads home, the image of his dying mother branded in his skull.

— —

He’s woken up to the sound of ‘Two Minutes To Midnight’ and he groans, reaching out blindly for his phone. He squints one eyes open enough to find it lying halfway down the bed, and he grabs it, answering it before it can ring out.

“Hello?”

“Will you let me in? I’ve been stood out here for like ten minutes.”

James’s eyes snap open, lifting himself onto one elbow.

“Cliff?”

There’s a sigh on the other end of the phone.

“Will you just let me in?”

James snickers, hanging up, before clambering out of bed. His socked feet hit the floor with a quiet thud before he shuffles downstairs, glad there’s no one else in the house when he opens the door.

Cliff stands on the other side, hair past his shoulders, all flannel shirt and wide flares, and he’s staring at James with a look that means business.

That has James freezing a little. He’s not really spoken to Cliff in a few months because the elder graduated last year, but they stayed good friends, or at least tried to. Cliff’s the only friend James has been able to keep since he was a kid, and even being in different years they always managed to see each other. But then Cliff left, and James hasn’t really put the effort in to see him since.

Cliff doesn’t say anything, just takes one glance at James before stalking in. James feels a little taken aback, but he shuts the door behind him, following Cliff into the kitchen. Cliff helps himself to one of the beers in the fridge. James just stands there a little awkwardly.

“Your mom called me,” Cliff starts, sipping on his beer.

James frowns. “What?”

Cliff wipes at his mouth, gathering stray drops of beer in his moustache.

“Yeah, just because you don’t call me doesn’t mean she hasn’t kept in touch.”

James finds that little weird, but then again, Cliff had always been close with his whole family.

“Right,” James says, dumbfounded, rubbing at his elbows a little.

“She said you looked upset when she saw you.”

James sighs, leaning back against the counter.

“It’s not- it’s not about what you think,” he says, and Cliff squints, crossing his arms. Because he knows he’s thinking that he’s upset about his mom. Which he is. But that’s not what’s got him falling apart at the seams, it just seems to be the thing pushing him overboard.

“Well, then what is it about?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” James mumbles, but Cliff shakes his head.

“Nope, you’re telling me whether you like it or not.”

James knows there’s no getting around it, Cliff’s always been a man of his word, and he’s not someone James wants to mess with. He clears his throat.

“I just- I was with someone and like.. we broke up.” He stumbles over his words, embarrassment making his skin itchy.

“Why did you break up?”

“Well.. Dave doesn’t like him- I mean them.”

Cliff goes silent for a moment, deliberately.

“You’re gay?”

“No,” James hisses, flinching like he’d been scolded. “I’m not gay.”

“But you had a boyfriend?” Cliff asks, eyebrow arching, and James feels a bit like he’s being backed into a corner. Like his secret’s out. A secret he never wanted anyone to know.

“No. We just-…” He doesn’t know how to explain it without saying he’s gay. Because he’s not.

“You just went out? It’s okay to say that yknow,” Cliff says, resting his beer against his chest. James just feels stupid because he knows that it’s just… difficult.

“Well anyway,” he says, trying to brush away the embarrassment. “Dave bullies him and um… I joined in.”

He ducks his head, can feel Cliff’s eyes bore into his skull.

“Pardon?”

James bites at his lip, pulling at the loose skin, cheeks hot.

“I just.. I can’t risk Dave kicking me off the team. And anyways, I told Kirk I love him but he doesn’t believe me.”

Cliff nods a little before knocking back the bottle in one.

“Let me get this straight, you bullied your boyfriend to keep up your matcho image with Dave, and then you thought telling him you loved him would make it better?”

James closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. God he sounds like such an asshole.

“Yeah,” he says, swallowing. “But it gets worse.”

“How can it possibly get any worse,” Cliff asks, and James really doesn’t want to tell him. Saying it all out loud just makes it sound awful, and he feels like such an idiot. No wonder Kirk broke up with him.

“I kissed him. At prom. In front of his new boyfriend.”

Cliff face palms, groaning lowly.

“James-“

“I know,” James interrupts. “I fucked up.”

“That’s a fucking understatement,” Cliff says, reaching into the fridge to grab another beer. “You can’t go around treating people like that, James. It’s not okay.”

“I know,” James mumbles, his eyes wet. “I just didn’t want Dave to find out.”

“Why are you so concerned about what Dave thinks?” Cliffs asks, exasperated, flicking the head of the bottle off with his teeth. “Surely you care more about Kirk?”

“Dave will get me kicked off the football team.”

“What? If he finds out you’re queer?”

“I’m not gay,” James announces, voice loud, crossing his arms, ignoring Cliff’s scrutinising gaze.

“Can you hear yourself right now? Because you sound like a whiny bitch to me,” Cliff says, pulling out one of the kitchen chairs. “What do you care more about? The team or Kirk?”

And that’s the ultimatum James didn’t want. This is what he’s been avoiding this whole time. Because he wants Kirk, he does, but his whole future rests on the football team. And jeopardising that just seems too great of a risk.

James doesn’t answer, and Cliff huffs, sitting down.

“You’re the captain, James. Dave can’t just kick you out because he wants to.”

James sighs, because that’s not strictly true. Not when he’s got the coach wrapped around his finger.    

“And what if he does?”

Cliff takes a swig of his beer.

“Then you’ll deal with it. You could beat the shit out of him any day. You’re just being a pussy and letting him boss you around.”

James doesn’t really think that’s true, because although James can fight, Dave fights dirty. And besides, he doesn’t want to deal with the fall out.

“Dave will tell everyone.”

Cliff shrugs. “Why are you so hung up on what Dave thinks, James? What is it about him that makes you want to follow him through everything?” Cliff is getting louder, and James can’t help feeling a little defiant, the pressure in his chest getting heavier.

“Shut up,” he seethes, teeth gritted, but Cliff stands his ground.

“Why have you let him push everyone away from you? What are you afraid of?”

“Shut up,” James shouts, pushing away from the counter. Cliff stands abruptly, matching James’s height.

“You need to sort out your priorities,” Cliff says lowly, not affected by James’s stance. “You keep going like this, and you’re gonna lose everything.”

James is surprised at the sudden sob that bubbles up his throat, and he jerks his head away, shame crawling up his neck.

“I don’t know what to do,” he manages, throat tight, rubs at his cheeks with deft fingers.

Cliff exhales, putting a gentle hand on James’s shoulder.

“You should start by apologising to your ex. It sounds like you’ve put him through a lot of shit he didn’t deserve, and I know you’ve not told me the whole story.”

James nods solemnly, sniffing.

“I know.”

“And then you’re gonna sort your shit out with, Dave. You can’t let him walk all over you.”

James breathes out shallowly. Cliff’s hand is grounding on his shoulder, and he leans into it a little, glad for the comfort.

“What if he outs me?”

Cliff shrugs. “You’ll survive. It’s not the end of the world, James.”

James feels like it’s the end of the world. He nods anyway, fitting his hands into his pockets. He can’t meet Cliff’s gaze. Cliff just pats his shoulder lightly.

“Besides,” he says, letting go of James’s shoulder. “I don’t think he’ll tell anyone.”

James frowns, meets his eyes with an inquisitive look.

“You don’t?”

Cliff breathes a laugh. “No. I think he likes you too much. He always had a soft spot for you.”

[tabernacleheart]

There is a myth in Christianity that I often hear people say. Maybe you have even said it yourself— “God will not put more on me than I can bear.” Maybe you’ve heard it. Maybe you’ve even said it. Some people even think it’s in the Bible. But let me debunk that myth right now with a look at the life of Paul. In 2 Corinthians, Paul wrote, “For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction … that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life ….” (2 Corinthians 1:8). If ever there was a hopeless situation, Paul was in it. Paul hadn’t done anything to cause it. In fact, he had followed God’s leading straight into a place of despair! If you share similar feelings today, you are in good company. The apostle Paul was a man who served God, knew God and pursued His calling at all costs. That should demonstrate to us that a life of service to our King doesn’t guarantee a life without difficulties, sorrow, or sacrifice. In fact, the opposite is typically true. 

God sometimes allows situations in your life to appear hopeless because He is trying to direct your focus onto Him. You may feel like giving up because you can’t seem to fix the situation that you are in, and no one you know can fix it either. All of your human resources have been depleted. But Paul reveals a very key principle in his next statement, “…indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead… He on whom we have set our hope,” (vs. 9-10). In order to take Paul deeper in faith, God put him in a situation that his resume, abilities, and connections could not change. Why? So that Paul [could not trust in his own powers whatsoever, and therefore] would learn to trust God even moreso than he had done thus far. 

Is God being "mean" in these situations? No. I understand that it may feel like that when you’re going through it, but what He’s really doing is trying to take you deeper. It is in these times— these hopeless scenarios where you see no way up, over, or out— [that despite all odds,] God somehow ultimately “raises the dead” for you. God has now become real to you at a level you never knew Him at before. 

Seek Him when life’s situations have you struggling (Isaiah 55:6). Don’t be ashamed of the pain or despair you may feel— Paul himself felt it. Never deny your emotions. Simply turn them Godward and look to the One who knows how to raise the dead. 

See, if you’re not dying or in a situation that is dying— whether it’s relational, financial, emotional, or other— you will never know what it is like to experience a resurrection. If you don’t need one, you won’t see one. 

Tony Evans

[punkinspice]

Hey! Fellow ex-Christian here. It’s past midnight as I’m typing this so I hope it isn’t too incoherent lol. Just wanted to say how brave you are and how supported you are in your journey of self discovery. I wasn’t raised with culty Christianity (my family didn’t believe in hell, didn’t go to church, and were extremely open discussion about religion) so I can’t say I completely understand your journey but it was stories like yours that ultimately led to me leaving the faith as well and eventually becoming full on agnostic because I saw how much harm those cults and even the Bible itself was doing and knew I couldn’t keep associating with it in good conscience.

I don’t know if it’s any comfort but I thought maybe hearing a story of someone leaving the faith not because of any harm done to them and not out of any bitterness, trauma, or anger but simply because they observed it wasn’t the right choice for them might be reassuring.

And even without all of the religious trauma I fully get what you mean by feeling so much more free now. I’ve felt so much happier and confident and in tune with myself since fully embracing being agnostic and not trying to live up to whatever Christianity expected me to be.

So again you are so brave and supported and really wish you the absolute best in your healing journey and that you can find what helps you be the best version of yourself. Making these steps and choices is not easy! You’re doing amazing and I’m proud of you!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaa thank you so much Jade, you're so sweet and kind!

And it is nice to hear a story that is lighter where you made that choice because it was the right thing for you, and that it doesn't always have to be these heavy and hard situations that causes people to leave the faith.

Everyone leaves for their own reasons and everyone stays for their own reasons. And holding space for those two realities is tricky sometimes, especially when you've been raised with fundamentalist beliefs like I was.

Thank you so much for the support and encouragement I really really appreciate it. Even though I know I'm not the only one going through this, it's still really nice to be reminded. I always get a smile on my face when I see your name in my notifications <3

[talenlee]

The Tiny God Of Christianity

The Tiny God Of Christianity

I spent fifteen years in a fundamentalist Christian space, and another five trying to recover from that, reconciling what I was with what I was being shown was okay. In this time, I fervently, aggressively, desperately tried to believe in it, tried to make it so it worked for me because I was terrified of the alternative that was the reality I was slowly coming to terms with.

It was in this time, I keenly began to feel pinched at the edges by the desperate smallnes of the god of the infinite and untouchable universe.

See, in the fundie space, there’s a lot of very empty talk of absolutes. It’s hard to escape, in hindsight, the way that I think of literally every major position and promise as being empty rhetoric. Oh, I know it’s not nice to act like they don’t believe things; we give the benefit of the doubt, and it’s also just flat out impossible to say for sure what a person does or does not believe, because their belief systems are always personal and can be internally unreasonable. People who believe the world is ending in five days still pay their power bills and that can be true because people don’t have to make sense.

It’s not that I think any given individual member of my church didn’t believe what they said, though there were quite a few of them who did let slip that they had doubts and their fundamentalism. There’d be some moment, some serious spiritual conversation with a mentor, and they’d say ‘well of course I have some doubts,’ or even more terrifyingly, ‘act like you have faith, and faith will be granted to you.’ The whole point of the faith is that it’s meant to connect you with an immortal all-powerful creature who has a plan for your life and whose choices have directed the very fundamental materiality of your experience…

And you kinda gotta wing it.

You gotta hope you got it right.

This is the best way for that immortal entity to connect to you, to talk to you, to relate to you and your cohort. Obviously, that’s unsatisfying, it’s meaningless, but the thing that stands out in those same moments, like peeling paint on old walls, when you realise that something you thought was an absolute is still a thing that falls apart and weathers and can get old and fall apart, is how much there is that their god can’t do.

Healing, sure, you get some mention of that, though not in any way you actually know is a miracle. No returned fingers or restored limbs. I know, I did working bees, I knew more than a few people who lost a piece of a hand or a foot in the name of giving the church free labor. God wouldn’t fix that, hospitals fixed that, or nobody fixed that.

Evolution had to be a lie, because it was complicated and difficult. If God used evolution, then it eroded everything that god could be. If the world was older than six thousand years, then the Bible could not be literally true, and that would destroy our icon of God. Homosexuals and feminists had to be wrong, because the Bible had no place to talk kindly of their complexities. Everything had to be seen in terms of if God had a hand in it, and if he did not, then it was discarded, as if it did not exist.

It was an idea better expressed than I ever realised by Carl Sagan, possibly before I was even born. He wrote about how the faith met new discoveries and could only reject them. I think in part this is because of a lack of control, an inability to synthesise or incorporate those ideas into the nature of our faith as we could wield it. I think in part it was because of a limit of understanding; the people I know who confidently dismiss any of these realities are completely uninformed about it. Ken Ham is an internationally successful explainer of evolution and he doesn’t understand it at even a level a child can. Being rock stupid isn’t a function of brains, it’s a function of choices, and Ken Ham sure chooses to be that fucking stupid.

In some respects, science has far surpassed religion in delivering awe. How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, “This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed”? Instead they say, “No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way.”

Carl sagan

It’s a kind of rhetorical dead-ending, a drain that sits underneath your soul as you try to keep throwing things down it. The world is full of interesting things, systems and perspectives and art and ideology and even just like material objects doing weird shit and at some point, something, eventually, sometihng mundane enough that you can hold it in your hand is there and present and you realise that the god of the infinite space and Abraham who counted the stars in the sky has about as much power as one shithead can manage to maintain over a hundred people, and that seems very small for a god.

It never made sense! It never got a satisfying explanation! I’d discover something interesting and ask about it, and so, so, so often, the answer is ‘the world is not so complex; god didn’t do that.’ And this sounds bizarre, I know, but fundamentalist christianity involves so much denial, so much ignoring and discarding. Imagine thinking that millions of people working in laboratories are all just playing grab-ass and inventing results, and nobody’s bothering to check or point it out!

The solution that comes in there is conspiracy.

God is small, god is petty, god didn’t do that, can’t do that, can’t be that complicated, those things can’t exist.

because our god is a small god.

And he needs you to think small.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#FundieStuff

[childofchrist1983]

And deceiveth them that dwell on the earth by the means of those miracles which he had power to do in the sight of the beast; saying to them that dwell on the earth, that they should make an image to the beast, which had the wound by a sword, and did live. - Revelation 13:14 KJV

We have all heard it said, "You can't take it with you!" And listening to the words of Jesus Christ and those of James these past couple of days, we certainly know that this is true. But in this Bible passage, we see what we do take with us - The good work that we have done on Earth in the name of Jesus.

The Book of Revelation was written to give hope to those facing persecution and often, death. These early Christians suffered terribly, but still did the best they could to spread the Good News of the Gospel. They believed in the promise of eternal life to those who were faithful to the Lord Jesus Christ. This promise is for us as well. Our duty as Christians is to follow in Jesus' footsteps and spread His Gospel Truth all around the world.

During His life here on Earth, Jesus taught us what it meant to be humble and faithful and to live a truly human life as God intended for His children. Jesus taught us to love. God is love, and we are created in God's image and our command is to love. All of the Commandments, summed up in Leviticus, as well as Jesus' command at the Last Supper, tell us to love God and others. The more we are able to love, the closer we are to God and to life in the Kingdom of Heaven. Even Paul in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 says that all will disappear except love. All that we do in love will follow us into eternity.

This is what it means to die in the Lord. It seems that the Book of Revelation has just as much to say to us today just as it did in the early days of the Church. We can tell if we are living in the Lord by the way we are living in love, and if we live in Lord, we are more apt to die in the Lord. The LORD Jesus Christ has shown us the way to the Kingdom of Heaven by the way He lived His life here on this Earth. May He continue to be with us as we try to follow in His footsteps by loving Him as well as one another.

May we make sure that we give our hearts and lives to God and take time daily to seek and praise Him and share His Truth with the world. May the LORD our God and Father in Heaven help us to stay diligent and obedient and help us to guard our hearts in Him and His Word daily. May He help us to remain faithful and full of excitement to do our duty to Him and for His glorious return and our reunion in Heaven as well as all that awaits us there. May we never forget to thank the LORD our God and our Creator and Father in Heaven for all this and everything He does and has done for us! May we never forget who He is, nor forget who we are in Christ and that God is always with us! What a mighty God we serve! What a Savior this is! What a wonderful Lord, God, Savior and King we have in Jesus Christ! What a loving Father we have found in the Almighty God! What a wonderful God we serve! His will be done!

Thanks and glory be to God! Blessed be the name of the LORD! Hallelujah and Amen!

[marinasage]

and I wonder if god has ever prayed.

“Through love,  I am teaching myself how to think.” - Chris Kraus, I Love Dick.

The soft cork chafes against my feet as the street hustlers beckon me. I forget sometimes that midtown exists. I crane my neck up towards the bedecked billboards, the warmth of the midday sun catching on them and ricocheting down towards my bare toes. I’ve been pulling at the nails all day. Ripping at the edges until they bleed and splinter.

I’d woken up with puffy eyes and blanket creases peppering my cheeks. I must have scooped up the duvet and held it to me like it had a face in the night. I’ve been out of the practice of sleeping alone. My teeth feel like brittle clay when I clench them,  fretting over my messiness the evening before. A little depressed over what I said, did and had. Not sure if it's better to cycle over today or if it would have been less embarrassing on my own last night. How much do the little things ripple?

I realized this morning that I haven’t looked at myself really in months. I don’t think I could see her - me- until you came back along. My ribs stick out now. Thinness has never been anything but a punishment before. A result of a sickness, of the mind or of the body. To be that for me is to be unwell. Last spring I was vigilantly counting calories on the crusade to stop him from leaving me, muddle-minded enough that I had to squint to see the board in class. He’d watch me type the numbers on the plastic packaging into my phone and smile, slotting his fingers into the hollows between strips of bone. For a while it worked. I came to understand that the less of me there was, the easier it would be to love me. Like a dog before a storm, I felt it coming. I starved it off a hostile vacation and a few months more, swallowing myself down with every bite not taken. I wish I could say it felt bad, and that once it was over I was relieved, the spell was broken, the blinders removed. But the dust has been settled a year now and I still can’t separate the dizziness of hypoglycemia from infatuation.  

I’m beginning to think that bad things don’t always have some miracle in them. Call me faithless, but I’ll just call it experience. Low-budget. Imagine what I could make out of shiny, pretty, new materials. What could happen instead of stapling together scraps of mourning for a prize. There’s something freeing and uncomfortable and unexplored about admitting that to myself. That trauma is a thrift store where the pickings are slim. Maybe everything good has already been taken, maybe the selection has sucked in perpetuity. The maybe I will usually tell myself when I walk home empty-handed is that if I had just kept looking I would have found what I was looking for; hidden between the ketchup stains and the moth bitten shoulderpads. So I hope you don’t find me nihilistic when I say that. Maybe (i hope) you’re proud of me. I have a nasty habit of filling everything with meaning. Maybe you’d call that a superpower. I’ll practice by just calling it true.

I told you the other day that I have a hard time saying what I really mean. That I can’t ever stop being queer, even if I want to, even when I should. The smoke moved upwards from between your fingers. Your eyes didn’t. I shivered. I was powerfully underdressed for the weather, and equally stubborn in my belief that this outfit was the thing that could make you pay attention. Goosebumps glistening in moonlight. I devour your movements and your intonations like I read the Bible.

Assuming it's all allegory.

Assuming that parsing a meaning of my own will lead to everlasting salvation.  Assuming that the surface is a trick and only those much stupider and less devout than I would rest their minds upon it.  

I am thinking of Simon Weil.“Attention, taken to its highest degree, is the same thing as prayer. It presupposes faith and love. Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer” Everyone else has left the table but us and I wonder if God has ever prayed, or if he only deals in answering. You certainly seem to fall into the latter category.

I guess that's why I am still chasing this after all of this time.  The care that it takes to unravel your riddles forces me into a flow state, makes me feel like I am going somewhere. That there is somewhere to be going. I find it embarrassing to say that despite it all I want to love. That the sweat on my skin that reminds me how hard I am working just feels cold and damp without a holy witness. I’m not sure if you’re as smart as you think. If you bike a little faster home after I vomit my affections onto you, pedals accelerated by my praise, then I’m right. That when I say that I love you, that’s a kind of riddle too. 

I’m doing it again. The whole not saying what I mean thing. How am I supposed to do anything else when I learned how people talk between pages? Hammering out the subtext is delicious when it gets you an A. I haven’t found a similar metric in real world analysis. I read this week in Scientific American that the winners of this year's Nobel Prize for Physics have concluded that “the universe is not locally real”.  This doesn’t really say what it means. What it means is that quantum entanglement exists. Particles that have crossed paths at one point or another can and do remain intimately linked regardless of distance, and a change in their physical properties can affect each other instantaneously. This isn’t supposed to happen. Information isn’t supposed to travel faster than the speed of light. Energy shouldn’t whisper across the universe with little regard for time and logic. But it does. Wow. What a concept. Two infinitesimally small particles that have brushed fingertips somewhere along the way  affect each other forever, whether they want to or not.  Fuck.  

I nearly failed astrophysics in high school so I wish I had a more academic comment on this, but instead, as always, it reminds me of love. It was humid and empty in Stockholm on the day we visited City Hall. The spires of the old building were good company. My ankles hurt from maneuvering the cobblestones in shoes that said something beautiful and from a lack of focus on anything but his face. I wish I remembered more of what the city looked like. That’s one thing I regret. The Statsbadet, the Hagaparken, the Djurgarden. And then later the banks of the Nile and the Pyramids, the Victoria and Albert Museum, Harrods, Fisherman's Bastion, an industrial rave, Grand Central, The Presidio, my apartment. Places I’ve less visited than seen him in.  Stockholm then felt like we’d jumped inside the gold-rimmed pages of an Elsa Beskow story. No one but us and the mushrooms. And on that day, the lone tour guide of the Nobel Banquet Room.

I felt small, in that delicious anorexic way, under the 50 foot ceilings.   We wandered through the Blue Room alone, faces rising to meet the goliath of an organ housed in the rafters. The concrete tables stretched themselves down the lengths of the hall, bare and cold. When the tour guide tried to paint them brimming with life, swore the empty seats filled with mathematicians and poets, presidents and peacemakers- it was impossible to believe. I found myself horrified at the thought. At that moment, a celebration of that size seemed as though it could only ever have been a hallucination, a natural product of a seemingly endless solitary confinement. We’d been told that more than 5 people in a room could be a death sentence. Not to mention that I had little interest in Einstein or Morrison or prizes of any kind or parties because I quite liked being the only people in the world with him. I felt like I could see myself so clearly then. Taking so many variables off of the table. He’d become a magnifying glass, and I’d not yet become an ant. The world felt so much bigger when we were its only inhabitants. It freezes up my chest to know that there will never be another world like that. I can almost feel it crack me in half. The sun never set that summer and now i feel stupid to have let myself sleep under it at all. I should have milked each ray of light for its future perfection. I wonder if he thinks of it too. If I am there in his memories, or if he was always alone.  If he is, I’m glad I’ve kept the Golden Hall for myself.  I wound the stairs to the top of City Hall, and there it was. Eighteen million little atoms of gold leaf and colored glass make up all of Swedish history. On the left side, the Queen of Lake Mälaren sits holding Stockholm in her lap, while the winds of the east and the countries to the west swirl around her. She is the meeting point, the connector. The entangler.

Kraus says in I Love Dick that the schizophrenic mind is creamy like a library. It can see the links in everything, jumping from one field to the next. Books laid out next to each other, each piece of local information taken into the mind bolstering and changing the static one laying within the bindings of the next.  The Foucauldian in me wonders when we got so afraid of the quantum realm that we had to classify it as insanity. Why when I use it to talk about literature, it makes me a genius and when I talk about love it makes me hysterical. Why I’ll never sit in Stockholm City Hall on a December night, decked in a gold wreath, for my discovery. That you must be feeling what I am too.