#the day ends in 3 hours and ive heard nothing

[just-your-average-tangerine]

Supposed to start my new job tonight. It'd be cool if they could actually give me my schedule

[stevie-petey]

episode one: suzie, do you copy?

Steve sighs. “Those kids are manipulating your power over me to get what they want.” “You call it manipulation, I call it bonding.”  Another sigh escapes Steve. “You’re going to be the death of me.” “And yet you stay.” You tease. “And yet I stay.”

Summary: you help nancy sneak through jonathans window, the party uses you for your "in" with steve, and you sorta become the reason dustin almost blinds lucas. meanwhile, steve tries, and fails, to make you his girlfriend (this will happen all summer), but have no fear ! dustin intercepts a russian code and makes everything even harder for everyone. what a sweet brother <3

Rating: general, swearing

Warnings: allusions to violence, swearing, fem!reader, use of y/n

Words: 9.6k

Before you swing in: shes here !!! season 3 of come home <333 im so excited for yall to read what i have planned, and thank you so much for being so patient as i planned the season out and started the chapters :) season 3 is pure chaos and i hope yall love what ive created, im proud of the changes i made <3333 we get some more insight into bug this season, which i also hope yall love !

-

June 27th, 1985.

A summer breeze gently creeps into Jonathan’s room, bringing the scent of dandelions and your childhood with it. It’s early evening and Jonathan hums to himself quietly, laying in his bed as he lazily skims through a comic he stole from you last week. You’re next to him as you carefully cut pieces of construction paper to glue onto the posterboard. Dustin comes home from camp in a few days and you want his welcome home banner to be perfect.

In the other room you hear the floorboards creak, followed by the sound of Joyce and Will laughing at whatever movie they’ve put on in the living room. Hearing their laughs makes you smile; it’s been so long since you’ve heard them laugh.

The tune that Jonathan hums now becomes a familiar one, and absent mindedly you begin to hum along with him. The cool summer night’s air encases the two of you, as if it senses that you want to freeze this moment forever. You’re in the Byers home, pressed against Jonathan’s side as you hum together an old song from when you were both fourteen and thought you had the world all figured out,

It’s nice, having this moment all to yourself with him. Moments alone with him have become few and far between, and it saddens you to think about.

There’s a new mall in town, Starcourt, and within a few months of it opening, Bookstrordinary has slowly been edging out of business. The entire town of Hawkins quickly fell in love with the mall, but with this love came the abandonment of downtown Hawkins.

Mrs. Waters can barely afford to have you work more than a few hours a day, so you’ve been spending your days visiting Nancy and Jonathan at their internship at the Hawkins Post or hanging at Scoops Ahoy to see Steve and Robin. While your friends have been lovely, you can’t swallow down the fear that you’ll lose your job by the end of summer.

As if somehow reading your thoughts, Jonathan puts down his comic and pokes your cheek. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask if you and Nance thought of anything else to try and save Bookstrordinary.”

You glue down a letter and try to distract yourself with the miniscule task. Nancy has been brainstorming a million ideas to try and help Mrs. Water, and while you appreciate her effort, it’s no use. Swallowing down even more dread, you shake your head at Jonathan. “No, nothing. Nancy offered to help organize a book drive to get more customers, but…”

“It wouldn’t be enough.” Jonathan finishes for you.

“Not nearly enough,” you sigh, desperately wanting to change the topic now. “But besides me possibly losing my job soon, how has yours been at the Hawkins Post?”

Now it’s Jonathan’s turn to sigh. “It’s… okay? I guess. I–I mean, definitely not what I expected it to be. The hours suck and the men are awful, but…” he shifts uncomfortably and looks away from you, embarrassed. “A job is a job.”

You rub his arm, understanding what he means. The Byers have always struggled with money, but ever since Will went missing two years ago and Jonathan lost his last job at the Hawk movie theater, it’s only gotten worse. They’ve tried hiding it, but last week you sneakily paid for Will’s ice cream at Scoops Ahoy while no one else was looking.

“I get it, bee.” You reassure him, hating that he even feels embarrassed in the first place.

Jonathan smiles and leans into your touch, appreciative of the fact that you know his family well enough by now to understand all he’s too ashamed to say. The two of you sit quietly for a few moments before he tries to lighten the mood with something else. “You excited for your birthday, bug?”

“Ugh,” you shake your head in disgust, which Jonathan laughs at. He knows you’ve never really liked your birthday. “Don’t remind me.”

“It’s in a few days, so you gotta suck it up.” Jonathan flicks your forehead and you swat your hand at him. “Besides, I bet $5 that Steve has some grand proposal planned for your birthday this year. He’s spent the entire summer drooling over you.”

His words make you blush furiously. “He has not–”

“He definitely has,” Jonathan tries to flick you again but you dodge, giggling. “I’m surprised he hasn’t publicly declared your love for you yet. I think there’s a betting pool going around the party.”

You gasp. “You’re lying!”

“Nope. Lucas and Max both lost last week, they bet mid June. Now it’s only me, Nancy, Will, and Dustin in the running.”

“What about Mike and El?”

“Mike didn’t want to encourage you dating Steve and the party agreed it felt unfair to have El gamble seeing as how she’s, ya know, still getting used to being in society.”

Despite yourself, you laugh. The idea is so bizarre and lovely, knowing how invested everyone is in your alleged love life, and it makes the worry you’ve been feeling fade away. “Can I join the pool? If I actually lose my job, I’ll need the money.”

Jonathan scoffs at you. “That goes against every gambling rule–”

“Please? I could be poor soon!”

“No, it’s not going to happen–”

“But–”

A knock on the window cuts you off. The two of you look up at the sound and find Nancy standing outside, waving and smiling. You hurry over to let her in, happy as always to see her. She’s been spending more and more nights at Jonathan’s, always sneaking in through the window.

It’s disgusting, and you couldn’t be happier for them.

Jonathan helps the girl climb through the window and greets her with a kiss to the forehead. “Hey, Nance.”

She smiles up at him with a shine in her eyes, and you know it’s time to leave. It’s getting late, anyways. You start to gather your banner supplies as you greet Nancy yourself. “Welcome back, Wheeler.”

“Hello to you too, Henderson.”

You wink at the girl and quickly ruffle Jonathan’s hair. “I’m going home, bee. My mom wants me to help prep Dustin’s room and I wanna have his banner done by tomorrow.”

“Bike home safe, please.” He says with a stern finger pointed at you.

Rolling your eyes, you give a mocking salute to Nancy and Jonathan. “Use protection, kids. I’m too young to be an aunt.”

Nancy gasps while Jonathan practically trips over his own two feet at your words, and you laugh. You leave them alone to compose themselves, closing the door to Jonathan shouting, “That wasn’t funny!”

You’re still giggling to yourself when you walk into the living room and see Joyce and Will sprawled on the couch. Their movie has just finished, the credits are rolling as you stand next to the TV and wave goodbye to them.

“You leaving so soon?” Joyce asks, surprised to even see you leave Jonathan’s room in the first place.

“Yeah, gotta finish up Dustin’s welcome home banner,” you hold up your supplies. Then, through the house’s thin walls, you all hear Nancy’s soft giggle. At the sound, you lean in close to Joyce and Will and dramatically whisper, “Plus, between the three of us, company came, so…”

Will’s eyes widen. “Yuck!”

Joyce chuckles, remembering how in love she was at Jonathan’s age back then. “Would I be a bad parent if I told Nancy she could just use the front door?”

“I don’t think so, but it’s fun watching them think they’re getting away with it.” You steal a piece of candy from the bowl Will had been eating out of, and he holds it up higher so that you can grab more. “Thanks, little bee.”

“You think it’s fun teasing Nancy and Jonathan now, Y/N, but when you’re the one sneaking in through a boy’s window one day…” Joyce shrugs, a twinkle in her eye. “You’ll understand.”

Will looks up at you with his own evil glint in his eyes, and before you can stop him, he turns to his mom and says, “I wonder how high Steve Harrington’s window is.”

You pretend to attack Will and he giggles as he flees his seat and runs to the other side of the living room. “Will Byers I will spit in your cookies–”

Joyce covers her mouth and gasps. “Y/N, are you hiding a boyfriend from me?”

Quickly you stop chasing after Will, terrified of the idea of the woman thinking you’d hide anything from her. “What? No! I’m not dating Steve–”

“Yet!” Will exclaims from across the room, but his retaliation is followed by a shriek as you chase after the kid again.

“If you keep this up, I’m telling Steve to stop letting y’all sneak into the movies!” You threaten as you chase the boy around the room.

Joyce watches in amusement, she’s never been able to take her eyes off of you when you’re with her boys. Will dodges a grab and you stumble, giving him just enough time to hide behind his mom’s armchair.

He pokes his head out at your threat, his eyes now uncertain. “You wouldn’t really tell Steve that, right?”

Catching your breath, you collapse onto the couch and shake your head at him. “No, little bee. I wouldn’t.”

You’d never do that to Will. He’s been so keen on spending as much time as possible with the party this summer, spending each and every moment planning DnD campaigns and biking all over Hawkins to spend mere seconds together. Will has spent all summer trying as hard as possible to be a kid again because so much of his childhood was stolen by Upside Down.

Will slowly gets up from behind the armchair and sits next to you, relieved. “Okay, good. We wanna see a movie tomorrow night and I already promised everyone you’d get Steve to let us in. That would’ve sucked.”

You and Joyce laugh at the boy’s response, and it feels so good to have this moment with the two of them. You allow it to wash over you for a second, the Byers home has always had such a comforting effect on you, before getting up and gathering your things once more. “I really should go, though. My mom is waiting.”

Joyce and Will say goodbye and tell you to be safe on your way home, and it warms something within you. As you bike down their driveway home, you inhale the summer night’s air and wonder, days before you turn seventeen, how much longer you have left of just this: being a little kid going home after a long day.

–

When you get home, Tews greets you with an angry meow.

The cat had been a Christmas gift for your mom from you and Dustin, seeing as how you accidentally killed Mews. Your mom had cried seeing the little kitten, and had cried even harder when your brother suggested the stupid name “Tews.”

But it stuck, and now Tews glares at you as you take your time feeding her.

In Dustin’s room you can hear your mom rustling around, frantically cleaning the place as if it currently isn’t the cleanest it’s ever been since the kid has been gone all month. After you feed Tews, you make your way over to your brother’s room to help with cleaning.

A few hours later, you’re laying in bed, exhausted from your long day. Dustin’s banner sits on your desk, right next to the phone that resides in the corner. Yawning, you glance at the clock, but when you see the time, you smile.

The phone rings.

“Right on time, honey.”

“Aren’t I always, angel?” Steve’s voice soothes your aching bones, his words like honey, the very thing you’ve come to associate with him.

Phone calls have become more and more common between you and Steve. You’re not sure when this tradition formed, but when you aren’t at Scoops and he isn’t at your house infiltrating your family, you’re on the phone with one another.

Hearing Steve’s voice puts you at ease, and it wasn’t long before you started calling each other before bed every night.

“How was your day?” You ask him, spinning the phone’s cable around your finger as you lay in bed.

Steve lets out a dramatic groan. “I swear, after you left today, Robin intentionally amped up her taunts. It’s like you’re her buffer or something. The second you leave,” you hear him snap his fingers, “she turns against me!”

“Robin would never do that.” Your voice is monotone as you say this, which only makes Steve groan dramatically once more. Robin would most definitely do that; you both know this.

“You two are the worst together.”

“Yeah, well,” you pull your blankets up to your chin and readjust into a comfier position. Your eyes feel heavy and Steve’s voice settles over your body. “Prepare for more pain tomorrow night. Will and the party have grand plans to sneak into yet another movie.”

Steve sighs. “Those kids are manipulating your power over me to get what they want.”

“You call it manipulation, I call it bonding.”

Another sigh escapes Steve. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

“And yet you stay.” You tease.

“And yet I stay.”

You bite back a smile; you can almost perfectly envision Steve laying in his own bed, phone pressed to his ear with his hair messy and eyes half lidded as he talks to you. You wish, more than anything, that you could be there with him right now; instead, you fall asleep to the sound of Steve’s voice, slightly raspy from his own exhaustion.

–

The next day you wake up to an empty house. Your mom has been spending her summer at Hawkins' pool, like all the moms in town now do, to admire Billy at his new job.

It grosses you out to no end, and when your mom comes home some days swearing that Billy winked at her, you have to swallow down the phantom pain of his fingers wrapping around your windpipe.

By the time you get to work, Downtown Hawkins, as always, is a ghost town.

It’s been this way ever since Starcourt opened, and as you park your bike and lock it up, you can’t help but be unnerved by how quiet everything is. It was only a few years ago that you had to scream at a crowd of onlookers when Jonathan and Joyce had had that fight when they had found Will’s body in the quarry.

Now, walking slowly towards the front doors of Bookstrordinary, all you hear is silence in the once lively area. There are posters scattered throughout the old town, but they’re worn from the sunlight and torn from the weather. It’s a depressing sight.

Mrs. Waters greets you kindly when you walk in. “Hello, dear.”

“Hi, Mrs. Waters.” You give her a quick peck on the cheek as you quickly swipe your card to clock in. The bookstore is empty. “Any new shipments today?”

The old woman shakes her head forelonly. “Afraid not. We still haven’t sold last month’s shipment.”

You duck your head down and curse. This is the second shipment you weren’t able to sell. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Waters.”

“Oh, don’t be!” She walks over to you, her wrist shakes as she uses her cane. She has aged so much these last few years. “I’ve owned this store for thirty years, dear. I’m just happy that I can give you and Alex a job before you kids go off to college. Besides, it’s given me something to do these last few years without my husband…”

The woman’s eyes glaze over, something that has started to happen more and more now, and you grab her arm gently and give her a little shake. “Hey, Mrs. Waters. You still with me?”

She blinks, looks around in a confused daze, before breaking into her old smile once more. “Of course I am! Now, sort some books while I ward off those debt collectors with this cane.”

Despite the gravity of the situation, you can’t help but laugh at Mrs. Waters as she waves her cane around madly and gives you a wink. She hobbles back to her office and leaves you alone with the books and the ghost of Downtown Hawkins.

Only two customers come in during your four hour shift, and by midday Mrs. Waters releases you so that she can give Alex a few hours of work as well. She’s trying her best to keep you both hired for as long as she can, so she splits your hours. What she doesn’t know is that Alex now has a job at Hawkins’ pool and only comes into work because he just can’t bear to quit, and neither can you.

You bike to the mall, sad and needing a pick me up. Jonathan’s teasing from last night echoes in your head. How could you possibly think about your birthday when your boss is slowly losing both her mind and her business?

At the mall, your feet unconsciously take you to Scoops as they always do. This has become your favorite part of your dreary days: going to Scoops after work. The smell of ice cream greets you as you walk into the shop.

Robin sees you first and waves excitedly from the register. “Y/N!”

“It’s me!” You run up to the counter and lean over it to squeeze the girl into a tight hug.

There’s a loud crash from the backroom and just as you’ve pulled away from Robin, Steve bursts through the doors and leaps over the counter to join in on the hug. “Thank God you’re here, Robin was about to make me clean the tables.”

You giggle while Robin scoffs, pulling away. “It’s your turn, dingus.”

Steve, still hugging you from behind, hums. He begins to rock you back and forth in his arms, which only makes you giggle more, while he pretends to think about what the girl has said. “Nope, don’t remember it being my turn.”

Robin gives you a pleading look to back her up, and you reluctantly slide your arms over Steve’s and release his grip. He groans in complaint at the loss of your touch, and you roll your eyes at him as you turn around to now face him. “C’mon, let’s go wipe the tables so dear Robin can man the register in peace.”

Steve groans even louder now as Robin cheers, and you snatch the rag from his pocket and begin to wipe down the tables. He follows eventually, moaning and groaning as he cleans next to you, and you hit your hip against his. “Hey, at least you’re getting paid for this.”

“I give you free ice cream!” He argues, pieces of his hair falling out of his adorably dorky sailor’s hat that he has to wear for this job. It’s incredibly endearing, and as he hunches over to scrub at a particularly dirty table, his thighs strain against his probably too short shorts and you can’t help but stare at them. As you admire this spectacular show, Steve catches you and flicks your nose. “Quit ogling me and get back to your free labor, angel.”

“I wasn’t ogling, I was simply admiring.”

Robin gags from behind the register. “I can hear you guys, you know!”

You and Steve both stick your tongues out at her before going back to work.

The hours pass by quickly after that. The midday rush of tweens and teens alike infiltrate Scoops, so Steve helps Robin fling ice cream while you get comfortable in your designated booth in the corner. You’ve hidden a supply of comics underneath one of the booth’s cushions and you spend your time catching up on the latest Spider-Man arc.

You’re so engrossed in what you’re reading that you don’t notice a body slide into the booth next to you until the person speaks.

“Spider-Man, huh? Heard he’s a pretty cool guy.”

Startled by the stranger’s voice, you almost drop your comic in alarm. When you see that it’s just Jason Carver sitting next to you, you place a hand to your chest and inhale quickly, trying to settle your rapid heartbeat. “Christ, you scared me.”

“Sorry!” He genuinely looks apologetic, so you wearily set down your comic and straighten up.

You’ve never spoken to Jason before, even though you’ve been in the same classes ever since eighth grade. He’s always ran with the popular crowd, being a jock and all, and you’ve always ran with Jonathan. However, despite being on the basketball team, Jason has never been mean to either of you, so you figure it’s safe to offer him your attention.

“Can I ask why you’re here?” You cock your head at him, feeling your hair fall over your shoulders.

Jason smiles at you, in a sort of cute and charming way. “Stopped by to get my little sister some ice cream,” he points to a little girl next to him, who waves at you, and you wave back. “Then I saw you sitting here all alone reading one of my favorite comics, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to say hi to such a pretty girl.”

You blush at his bold words. You’ve never received such attention from anyone before, at least not anyone normal thanks to Billy, and you’re not really sure why Jason seems to be paying attention to you now. He’s had years to do this.

Jason sees your sudden shyness and chuckles. He stands up and offers you his hand. “Why don’t I buy you some ice cream, maybe you could help me show my sister around the mall–” Steve’s shoulder collides roughly into the teen’s, causing him to stumble into his sister’s ice cream cone and get chocolate ice cream all over the front of his pants. Jason looks up at Steve and balls his fists in anger. “What the fuck, Harrington?”

You quickly cover the little girl’s ears, though she giggles.

Steve shrugs as he looks at Jason. “Sorry, man. Didn’t see you there.” Then, he turns to you, and offers his own hand. “Anyways, I think it’s time for your daily free ice cream, angel.”

Jason’s eyes narrow as you accept Steve’s hand and spare him an apologetic glance. Before you leave, you dig some cash out of your overalls and hand them to him. “For your sister’s new ice cream cone.”

He sighs and accepts the money. Jason knows that Steve is still holding your hand as he stands behind you, but he has nothing else to lose at this point. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “I didn’t stand a chance, did I?”

Steve twirls you with your interlocked hands, causing you to giggle, and guides you to the ice cream counter. As he leaves, shouts behind him, “Not at all, buddy!”

You know you should feel bad, but Steve twirls you again and all you can do is giggle breathlessly as Jason Carver walks out of Scoops with his sister in tow.

–

Later that night the mall is busier than ever, and as you’re gossiping with Robin about Steve ruining Jason’s pants, you’re interrupted by Mike’s grubby little hand repeatedly hitting the bell.

Seems it’s time for their movie.

You flick the kid’s head, which Lucas, Max, and Will snicker at. “Enough!”

“Ow, Y/N!”

“Thanks,” Robin sends you an appreciative smile before she calls towards the backroom, “Dingus, your children are here!”

Within seconds, Steve opens the sliding windows and sighs when he sees Mike and the party. “Again? Seriously?”

“I warned you.” You say, shrugging at his annoyance. “Let the kids have some fun.”

Mike rings the bell again. “Do what Y/N says.”

Steve sighs in defeat and motions for the kids to follow him behind the counter. “Fine, but only because I’m nice, not because Y/N said so.”

“Right.” Everyone says, not at all believing him, which Steve chooses to ignore.

You all follow him through the back entrance of the mall. Checking to make sure the coast is clear, Steve waves the kids inside. “I swear, if anybody hears about this–”

“We’re dead.” The kids all respond, voices monotone with annoyance after hearing this threat a million times.

However, before they all leave, Will gently tugs at your hand to get your attention. “Are you coming with?”

You want to say yes, but then you catch Steve’s eyes and he silently pleads with you to stay, and you know you can’t tell him no. Squeezing Will’s hand, you shake your head. “Sorry, little bee. I promise I will next time, though.”

Mike scoffs in disgust, disappointed in you. Your relationship with Steve has always confused him, and you’ve only gotten closer to the teen since Dustin left for camp. He pities what the boy will think when he comes back to his sister all lovey-dovey with an idiot like Steve Harrington.

Once the kids leave, you go back into Scoops with Steve and settle into your booth once more. Grabbing your comic, you flip to where you left off before looking up at the teen and saying, “you have me for another hour. I can’t be out late tonight, Dustin comes home tomorrow and I promised Mike I’d be up at like seven to let everyone in.”

Steve salutes you and hops back behind his counter to help Robin with some customers. You smile at his antics and go back to reading. A few minutes pass, Spider-Man has just kissed MJ, before the lights above you start to flicker and then go out completely.

Everyone in the mall gasps and murmurs in a slight panic as they’re thrown into darkness. The hair on your arms stands up; you no longer trust lights that flicker. Robin catches your eye and gives you an odd look when she sees the fear on your face.

“Scared of the dark, Y/N?” She teases, not understanding what you really fear: what lies below Hawkins.

“That’s weird,” Steve mumbles to himself as he goes over to the light switch. He starts to flip the switch repeatedly, and you roll your eyes at him. He’s an idiot sometimes.

“That isn’t gonna work, dingus.” Robin says, looking over at you once more as if to silently ask, why are you attracted to him?

You shake your head at her as Steve continues to flip the switch, now only quickening his movements. He stares Robin down as if to challenge her. “Oh, really?”

Nothing happens, because contrary to what Steve may believe, he can’t fix what is likely (and what you hope) is simply a blackout from the summer heat. He flicks the lightswitch a few more times before the generators kick back on and Scoops Ahoy is once again lit up.

Steve raises his eyebrows at Robin and smirks at her, pleased. “See? Let there be light.”

You drop your head to the table, now also questioning why you’re attracted to the guy.

However, when it’s time to head home and Steve walks with you to your bike outside, he kisses your cheek and wishes you a good night; you know that this is the reason you’ve fallen for him: his kindness. With his kiss lingering on your cheek, you bike home.

–

When Steve gets back from saying goodbye to you, he’s met with a nosey Robin.

She stands against the counter with her arms crossed. There aren’t any more customers in the shop, they closed about ten minutes ago, and Steve was really looking forward to driving home and taking off his stupid uniform.

Robin, however, clearly has other plans.

“What did I do now?” He asks her, not daring to take any step closer.

“Why haven’t you asked Y/N out yet?” Steve’s eyes widen at the question and Robin knows she’s got him cornered. “I’ve spent hours with you guys, and it’s driving me insane that you haven’t manned up!”

“‘Manned up’?” Steve sputters out, completely offended.

Robin throws her arms out in front of her. “Yes! I mean, it’s so obvious that you’re in love with her and that she’s in love with you. Just… Just get it over with!”

Blushing, Steve slumps against the wall and closes his eyes. As much as it pains him to admit it, he knows that Robin is right. “It’s… complicated.”

“Well, go on.” The girl now hops on the counter and sits on it. “Explain it to me, then.”

“Y/N used to be in love with…” Steve stops, unsure if you’d want him to be telling Robin this. “Someone.”

She rolls her eyes. “Everyone knows she was in love with that Byers kid.”

“Right.” He clears his throat, uncomfortable with the reminder that at one point, everyone in Hawkins truly believed you were destined for Jonathan. “Well as I’m sure you know… He got with Nancy, who–uh, I had been with.”

“Okay, so what?”

“I–” Steve isn’t sure what Robin doesn’t understand. “I needed… time?”

Robin frowns. “After Nancy dumped you?”

“Technically I dumped her–”

“What does this have to do with Y/N?” Robin presses.

Steve groans and rubs at his eyes. He’s tired and wants to go home to call you and go to bed with your soft voice in his head. “Y/N understood that the breakup with Nancy hurt, and–well. She told me she’d wait for me. I guess. While I figured my shit out.”

Robin thinks this over for a minute. “Okay, I think I can understand that, but–wait, when did this all happen again?”

“... December.” He closes his eyes, bracing himself for the girl’s inevitable anger.

“Harrington!”

There it is.

“I know, okay?” Steve tugs at his hair in frustration. “I’m over Nancy, I’ve been over her since at least April, but… But what–what if Y/N has lost interest in me now? What if–maybe I made her wait too long, or–or what if she thinks she’s just Nancy’s replacement?”

Steve is rambling now, months of his anxious and insecure thoughts now spilling out. “I mean, it’d kill me if–if I ever made her feel second to anyone! She’s… She’s incredible and–God, I don’t even know why she likes me and I’ve spent this entire summer trying to–I don’t know… Figure out how to confess my feelings to her in a way that matters, ya know? Like, a grand proposal to show her that I’m crazy about her.”

Robin is silent for several minutes after Steve’s frantic spiel, he’s panting by the time he’s done. Then, finally, she says, “Dude… You’re way overthinking this.”

Steve winces. “I mean, her birthday is in a few days. I can… I can ask her to be my girlfriend then. That’s romantic, right?”

“You’re hopeless.”

–

“Dusty comes home today!” Your mom’s shrill voice wakes you up as she prances around the house getting ready. You roll over in bed and stretch, tired but excited to see your brother again after a month of being apart.

You get out of bed and press a kiss to your mother’s cheek before telling her to drive safe. Glancing at the clock, you see that you have just enough time to shower before the party arrives. The entire thing had been Mike’s plan and you were more than happy to help arrange everything.

After you’ve gotten ready, you hear three swift knocks on your front door and you answer it. “Right on time, Wheeler.”

Mike salutes you as he and the others walk in. El gives you a hug and Max high fives you as the boys start setting up the robots. The six of you get started on the plan: place all the robots in Dustin’s room, all hidden in various corners, and then use El’s powers to control them and guide him to the living room so that you all can surprise him.

It’s a brilliant plan, one only a Wheeler could think of.

It takes you, Lucas, Mike, and Will to successfully hang up Dustin’s banner that took you all week to make. There’s cursing, yelling, a few trips, and multiple snickers from El and Max while the four of you struggle to hang the thing, but eventually you manage to secure the banner into place in the living room.

Just as you’ve finished hanging it up, you hear your mom’s car pull into the driveway and you quickly shove the kids into a closet. “Quick! That’s my mom’s car, hide!”

Lucas yelps and Max punches his shoulder to shut him up, but thankfully you manage to close the closet door just in time before Dustin walks in. You hide behind the couch, quiet so as not to be seen by him, and carefully listen for his footsteps to retreat down the hall and into his room.

Once he’s gone, you scramble towards the closet and open the door. “Okay, he’s in his room, time for step two.”

“Did we all really have to hide in the closet?” Will asks, rubbing at his shoulder that had been shoved into a hanger.

“Yes, now shush and hide behind the wall so he doesn’t see you.” You order, and the kids all listen. Once you’re all pressed against the wall, you nod at El. “Ready?”

“Ready.” She responds, closing her eyes. Static fills the air and you hear one of the robots turn on in Dustin’s room. Then the other one turns on, then the monkey, and soon all the toys have been activated by El’s powers.

Mike pokes his head around the corner. “Okay, now start leading the robots here.”

Blood slowly begins to drip from El’s nose and you feel bad that she’s doing this, but the kids all look excited, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little giddy yourself. The noise from the robots grows louder as El draws them out from the room and towards you guys.

You hear Dustin’s uncertain voice following behind them. “It’s just a dream… You’re dreaming.”

Then Mike whispers to El, “Now!”

The robots all die in the center of your living room and slowly everyone starts to creep out from behind the wall. Lucas is holding his own poster he made and you hand everyone party noisemakers. Dustin is investigating the robots and doesn’t hear you stalk up behind him. Max silently counts to three, and on her signal, you all blow your party noisemakers and surprise him.

Dustin screams and immediately holds up his Farrah Fawcett spray, blinding Lucas as he continuously sprays it. The poor boy screams as well and the rest of the kids back away, out of the line of fire. However, as soon as your momentary shock wears off, you manage to snatch the hairspray out of your brother’s hand and save Lucas.

“Why is Farrah Fawcett your weapon of choice?” You exclaim, shoving a still screaming Lucas towards your kitchen so that you flush the spray out of his eyes. Max joins, rubbing soothing circles into the boy’s back.

“Why would you scare me like that after the hell we went through this year?” Dustin shouts back at you, clutching at his chest.

Dustin’s words make you stop for a moment and think. Huh. He has a point. “Yeah, we should’ve thought about that, honestly.”

“A little help here?” Lucas brings the attention back to him and you apologize, helping him once more to flush his eyes out. As you and Max tend to him, Dustin tells the others to follow him to his room so he can show them what he built at camp.

Max splashes some more water in Lucas’ eyes. “Better?”

The boy stands up and wipes his face, though he’s careful not to touch his eyes. “Still stings.”

“I feel like I should call someone…” You mumble, Your first aid knowledge doesn’t include Farrah Fawcett in the eyes.

Lucas blinks a few times and looks around. He leans in closer to Max’s face and for a moment you’re scared he’ll kiss her, but instead he chooses to be an idiot. “Is that a new zit?”

You wince and Max’s eyes widen in disbelief. She looks at you and you both seem to come to the same agreement: grabbing the back of Lucas’ neck, the two of you shove his face back into the water. “What is wrong with you?”

Lucas screams again and you leave Max to deal with him, laughing to yourself as you go see whatever creation your brother has brought home. You love Lucas, you do, but you have no idea how Max puts up with his boyish antics.

Inside Dustin’s room, you find him and the others hunched over a collection of wires and metal pieces. You walk in and join them.

“I would like you to meet Cerebro.” Dustin presents his creation, but you honestly have no idea what it’s supposed to be.

You squint at it. “It’s… Pretty?”

“What exactly are we looking at here?” Mike asks, unimpressed.

“An unassembled, one-of-a-kind, battery powered radio tower!” Dustin explains with a proud smile on his face.

A beat of silence passes before Will carefully asks, “So… It’s a ham radio?”

Dustin’s excitement only grows. “The Cadillac of radios.”

“Still not understanding, buddy.” You now voice, usually always lost when it comes to the more AV stuff the party likes.

“This baby carries a crystal-clear connection over vast differences.” Your brother clarifies for you, and you nod along. “I’m talking North Pole to South. I can talk to my girlfriend whenever and wherever I choose.”

You, Mike, El, and Will all look at each other in shock at the word that has just left Dustin’s mouth. “Girlfriend?”

Your brother nods, looking all smug, and you immediately berate him with a million questions. “What’s her name, where is she from, how long have you been dating. Tell me everything, now!”

“Relax, dear sister. Her name is Suzie, and I’ll explain in a second. We can even talk to her if you guys help me set Cerebro up on Weathertop hill.”

You’re the first to start grabbing all the supplies, giddy and eager to hear more about your baby brother’s girlfriend. It’s almost too good to be true. Mike, Will, and El follow along and soon you’re all holding materials for Cerebro as you follow Dustin out of the house.

As you all leave, Mike starts asking questions again. “Wait, so her name is Suzie?”

Dustin nods. “Suzie, with a ‘z’. She’s from Utah.”

“People from Utah actually exist?” You ask, which the others laugh at.

“Girls go to science camp?” Will asks.

You give him a stern look. “Anyone can go to science camp, Will.”

“What Y/N said,” Dustin continues explaining his girlfriend. “And Suzie does, she’s a genius.”

“Is she cute?” Mike can’t believe what he’s hearing.

“Think Phoebe Cates, only better.”

You re-adjust one of the poles for Cerebro in your arms. “Can we focus on her being smart instead? I think she sounds lovely.”

From the kitchen, Max sees the four of you open the front door as she helps Lucas with his eyes. “What’s going on?”

“We’re going to talk to Dustin’s girlfriend.” Will informs them.

Lucas whips his head up from the sink as he and Max exclaim, “Girlfriend?”

“I know, right?” You say, motioning them to follow.

–

“Alrighty, one scoop of chocolate. That’s a buck twenty-five.” Steve hands the ice cream cone to the girl he’s currently serving. She’s pretty enough, and when he notices her Purdue shirt, he can’t help but say something about it. “Ooh, Purdue! Fancy.”

The girl smiles and hands Steve her change. “Yeah, I’m excited.”

“Yeah, you know… I–I considered it. Purdue.” He types the code into the register and places the change inside. “But then I was like, you know what? I really think I need some real life experience, you know, before I hit college. See what it’s like.”

The girl and the friend she’s with exchange weird glances, and Steve knows he’s rambling like an idiot. “Uh, what I mean is… You’re girls, right? How would the two of you like to be asked out by a guy?”

“I’m sorry?” Purdue girl asks, looking at her friend, creeped out.

The cash register begins to beep at him and Steve hits it a few times to shut it up. “Sorry, uh… Anyways, say you’ve seen this guy every day for like, months, and feelings are shared, you know, as they are. Then time passes and the guy never makes the move because he’s, well, he’s an idiot–”

“Yeah, totally.” Purdue girl interrupts him and her friend giggles.

“Exactly, so… This was, like, so fun. This little chat. Anyways, what do you think? How would you want the guy to ask you out?” Steve puts on his most charming smile, hoping that the girls will say that maybe he isn’t crazy for waiting so long to ask you out. As he hands them their change, he drops part of it. “Oh, sorry about that. Uh…”

“Yeah, we wouldn’t wanna be asked out.” Purdue girl says as her friend snorts.

“Sure, but I mean, it’s complicated, you know? And–”

Purdue girl interrupts him once more. “No, I’m sorry, but it sounds like you missed your chance and you’re like, really weird.”

“But the guy isn’t me!” Steve shouts as the two girls leave, only embarrassing himself even more. He sighs, closes his eyes, and wonders how he got here.

“And another one bites the dust.” Robin announces from behind him. He turns around and watches as she marks another tally underneath the you suck column of her whiteboard. Next to it is the column you rule, which currently has zero marks. “You are oh-for-six, Popeye.”

Steve crosses his arms. “Yeah, I can count.”

“You know that means you suck and that Y/N isn’t the problem here, you are, right?”

“Yup, I can read, too.” Steve swallows down his annoyance, he knows he’s only done this to himself.

“Since when?”

“It’s this stupid hat,” Steve complains, as if this is the only appropriate answer. “I’m telling you, it’s making everyone think I’m some pathetic guy who can’t ask a girl out.”

Robin leans against the window. “Yeah, company policy is the reason that you’re an idiot for not asking out Y/N.” She thinks for a moment and tries to offer the teen some advice. “Ya know, it’s a crazy idea, but have you considered telling the truth?”

“What? That I’m hopelessly in love with her? Sure, I’m such a catch who couldn’t even get into Tech and whose douchebag dad is trying to teach a lesson, now making three bucks an hour with no future.” Steve laughs at himself. “A catch who, by the way, could’ve been hers back in December had he not been a complete moron? What a great truth.”

Robin frowns, now feeling bad for making him feel this way. While she doesn’t understand everything, she gets that Steve has had a difficult few months. Taking pity on him, she points out some girls approaching and tries to lighten his mood. “Hey, twelve o’clock! Maybe they’ll see your side of things.”

Steve turns around and sees the girls as well. “Shit, okay. Okay, I can do this! I’m going in.” He quickly snatches the sailor hat from his head and tosses it to Robin. “Screw company policy, I’m getting advice about Y/N one way or another.”

For a second, Robin has hope for him, but then he opens his Scoops Ahoy greeting way too loud and then immediately starts to ramble about you, and she sighs in defeat and marks another tally underneath the you suck column.

–

Hiking up a giant, grassy hill in ninety degree heat while hauling heavy equipment for a giant radio that your brother built to talk to his alleged long distance girlfriend definitely wasn’t what you had in mind today. In fact, you mourn the fact that you aren’t working today.

You’re only here to hear about Dustin’s girlfriend, honestly.

“Aren’t we high enough?” Lucas pants, voicing what everyone else is thinking.

Dustin shakes his head. “Cerebro works best at a hundred meters.”

“You know, I’m pretty sure people in Utah have telephones.” Max quips.

You wipe sweat from your brow and cringe, you feel disgusting. “Max, you’ve always been so wise.”

“Suzie’s Mormon.” Says Dustin, and you almost trip over a rock.

“You’re dating a Mormon?”

Lucas talks over you. “Oh, shit. She doesn’t have electricity?”

“Oh, that’s the Amish.” Max corrects him, and you get flashbacks to when you had to correct Steve about Nazis and Germans.

Will frowns at you. “What are Mormons?”

“Scary people–”

Dustin interrupts you. “Super religious white people. They have electricity and cars and stuff, but… Since I’m not Mormon, her parents would never approve.”

“Please don’t become Mormon,” you beg, dripping even more sweat. “I need someone sane in our family.”

“I won’t,” Dustin reassures you, though he has a far off look in his eyes. “But it’s all a bit Shakespearean, don’t you think?”

“Shakespearean?” Max laughs and you also can’t help but giggle.

Dustin doesn’t let your teasing deter him from reminiscing, though. “Yeah, like Romeo and Juliet.”

“They both die, Dustin.” It’s important to you that he knows this.

“But they were also star crossed lovers.”

“Who killed themselves.”

Below, Mike shouts to the rest of you, “Hey, guys!”

You all turn and you frown when you see just how far he and El are, both of them empty handed and dry as a daisy in the summer heat. When Mike sees that he has all of your attention, he taps at his watch. “This is fun and all, but, uh…”

“I have to go home.” El announces, her arm intertwined through Mike’s.

Dustin points towards the top of the hill no less than a few yards away. “We’re almost there.”

“Sorry, man. Curfew.” Mike shrugs, he isn’t really sorry and you all know it. He then grabs El’s hand and they descend down the hill, giggling and enamored with one another.

With a gleeful laugh, El says goodbye. “Good luck!”

Dustin looks down at his watch. “Curfew at four?”

You’re startled by the time, having assumed it was at least closer to six. Hopper may be an overprotective grump of a man, but not even he is crazy enough to enact a curfew for El at four in the afternoon. “That… Doesn’t sound real.”

“They’re lying.” Lucas explains, frustrated.

“It’s been like this all summer.” Will says bitterly, something that you take note of.

Max nudges you with her shoulder. “I think it’s romantic.”

“It’s gross!” Will voices again.

You bite your lip. “I don’t know, it’s your guys’ last summer before high school and…”

“It’s bullshit.” Dustin finishes for you, hurt in his voice. “I just got home.”

You flick him. “Language! But… I agree.”

Dustin watches with annoyance as Mike and El walk down the hill hand in hand. While he’s incredibly hurt that they’ve ditched him after being gone for a month, he remembers what Steve has taught him. People can suck, but there’s nothing he can do about it. “Well, their loss, right? Onwards and upwards, Suzie awaits!”

Max and Lucas groan at the idea of continuing the hike while you admire your brother’s perseverance. You’re proud of him for not letting Mike and El ruin his plans with the others. He’s excited to be home, and you’re more than happy to go along with whatever schemes he has planned.

You’re about to follow the others up the hill when you realize that Will hasn’t joined. You turn around and see that he has his hand around the back of his neck as he stands there, frozen. Then, he turns and faces Hawkins, stumbling back a bit as he does so, and you watch with a frown on your face.

“Hey, little bee, are you okay?” You gently place a hand on his shoulder, which seems to break him of whatever spell he’d been under.

“I’m fine,” he lies, and you don’t at all believe him. Will looks uneasy, as if he’s just seen a ghost. A part of you begins to worry, but you don’t push him. For all you know, it could be about Mike and his growing distance from the others.

“Well, c’mon, then.” You grab Will’s hand and together you ascend the rest of the hill.

At the top, Dustin drops his bag and sighs. “Made it!”

“Yeah, only took five hours,” Max pants out, stumbling the final few steps up the hill.

You collapse onto the ground and fight to catch your breath. “I run almost every morning. I think I lost a lung back there.”

“Why couldn’t we just play DnD?” Will collapses next to you.

Lucas grabs the flask of water, and as you struggle to get air into your lungs, you watch as he chugs the remaining water without a care in the world. Max watches as well, annoyed, and once again you pity Lucas. He’s such a boy.

Building the radio takes longer than expected. After your short five minute break, Dustin puts you all to work. There’s a million pieces to the thing and your fingers ache from screwing bolts into slots and extending poles. The sun has begun to set when you finally push the giant radio into an upright position. It’s easily fifteen feet high, and it’s an impressive sight that you can’t deny.

“Not bad, Dustin.” You admit, walking around Cerebro in awe.

“Ready to meet my love?” He asks everyone, and you all sit down next to him and eagerly await. Dustin switches the radio on. “Suzie, this is Dustin. Do you copy? Over.”

No one answers. All you hear is radio feedback.

Dustin scratches his nose nervously. “One sec. She’s probably… She’s still there.” Again, no one answers, and he ducks his head down in embarrassment. “Suzie… This is Dustin, do you copy? Over.”

More radio static follows in the absence of Suzie’s response.

You wince, despite trying to appear supportive. You can’t help it, this is embarrassing for your brother. While you don’t doubt that he has a girlfriend, you admit that this doesn’t look good for him. A long distance girlfriend who is hot and smart and magically needs a radio to communicate with? Unlikely.

“I’m sure she’s there,” Dustin tries to explain to you guys, now even more embarrassed. “It’s dinner time, and she’s busy…”

“Yeah, sure.” Lucas tries to be supportive and play along, which you appreciate him immensely for. Max nods as well, but Will just stands there silent.

“Maybe try again?” You encourage, trying to be nice.

Dustin nods and tries once more to contact Suzie, and it goes on like this for a while. He radios, no one answers, and eventually you and everyone else lay down in the grass as you wait for nothing.

Almost an hour passes and the crickets begin to chirp as the sun goes down and the moon comes up. Dustin is still trying to reach Suzie, but Max finally has enough. “Dustin, come on! She’s not there.”

“She’s there, alright? She’ll pick up.”

“Dustin…” You sigh, unsure how to tell him that you also want to leave. You had plans with Steve tonight, he invited you over to watch a movie and you should’ve left ten minutes ago.

Will lifts his head up from the grass. “Maybe Cerebro doesn’t work.”

“Or maybe Suzie doesn’t exist.” Lucas argues.

Dustin gasps. “She exists!”

“She’s a genius and she’s hotter than Phoebe Cates? No girl is that perfect.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose at Lucas’ words and wait for Max’s inevitable offense. He truly, deeply, is such a boy. As predicted, Max sits up and looks down at him with annoyance. “Is that so?”

Lucas shuffles up in panic, now realizing too late what he’s said. “I mean–you’re perfect! I mean, like, perfect–in your own way, in your own, uh, special way!”

“Lucas,” you hit his shoulder. “Stop talking, dude.”

Max laughs, pleased with herself. “Relax, I was teasing. I’m obviously perfect and Dustin is obviously lying.”

“Okay, no,” you now sit up. “He isn’t lying, it’s just a very unfortunate circumstance.”

Max doesn’t listen and instead offers Lucas her hand to help him up so that they can leave. “Come on, Don Juan.”

“Where are you going?” Dustin follows, not understanding yet what’s happening.

“Home,” Max huffs, before remembering that you’re there, too. “Bye, Y/N!”

“Bye,” you wave at them weakly, knowing that this will only upset your brother further as she and Lucas slowly head home.

Dustin stands next to you now. “Well, guess it’s just us and Byers, Y/N,”

Will now stands up and awkwardly avoids your brother’s gaze. “Um… It’s late. Sorry. Maybe tomorrow we can play DnD, or something fun, like we used to?”

Dustin clenches his jaw. You know he’s close to tears, and it breaks your heart to watch. You stand up and rest your arm around him as he responds to Will. “Yeah, sure.”

“Welcome home,” Will says sadly before he starts to walk down the hill as well.

You anxiously watch as he leaves. “Be careful, please!”

“I will!” He reassures you, knowing that you’re still terrified of losing him again.

As you watch Will, Dustin whispers to himself, “Yeah, welcome home.”

His words break your heart even more. Forgetting about your anxiety over Will, you wrap both arms around your brother and hug him. He had been so excited earlier to be home and see all his friends after a month of being away. You understand that the kids are all growing up, but you had always hoped that they’d grow together, not apart.

“You still have all of July and August,” you try to comfort Dustin, desperately hoping that you aren’t lying to both him and yourself. “I’m sure they’ll come around.”

Suddenly the radio attached to Cerebro switches on and Dustin pushes you off of him so that he can get to the radio in time. He stumbles over his feet and trips, and you watch with amusement and curiosity.

He manages to finally untangle himself from the radio and answers. “Suzie, Suzie, is that you?”

You sit down next to Dustin and lean in close to the radio, excited to finally meet your brother’s girlfriend. Instead, you hear what sounds like a foreign language. It’s distinct, slightly muffled, but you know what it is. “Is that…”

“Russian.” Dustin whispers.

Everything changes, then.

–

You force Dustin to go home immediately. He wants to stay, see if he can find any more hidden messages, but you refuse. He’s elated, talking a mile a minute as you bike home, theorizing every possible answer as to why you heard Russian in Hawkins, Indiana.

“Dustin!” You yell at him, terrified that someone could be listening. “Not here, okay?”

He deflates, but pedals home alongside you.

You’re terrified as you bike home, a million thoughts are running through your head. You don’t at all like what any of this could mean; you’ve had enough sketchy government facilities and secret government agencies to last you a fucking lifetime.

When you get home, you order Dustin to go to bed.

“But Y/N, we’ve got to tell someone about this–”

“Tomorrow, okay? Just, please, Dustin.” You’re exhausted and confused and overwhelmed.

Your brother senses that you’re at your limit and reluctantly backs down. “Fine, but can we at least tell Steve tomorrow?”

Hearing Steve’s name puts something at ease within you. Tomorrow, you’ll go to Scoops with Dustin and ask Steve what he thinks about all of this. Comforted by the fact that you now have a plan forming, you begin to calm down. “I promise we’ll tell him tomorrow, okay?”

Dustin nods and heads to his room, wishing you a good night. When you hear his door click shut, you slowly head to your own room. You’re terrified, and there’s only one thing you want to do to lessen the fear that scratches at your throat. After crawling into bed, you call Steve.

He answers immediately. “Y/N? Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” you breathe out, his voice like an exhale of a summer’s day. “I… I’m sorry I missed our movie night.”

Steve laughs softly. “Angel, I’m just happy you’re okay. I was getting worried there.”

You close your eyes. “It’s been a weird day.”

“Did something happen?” Steve senses that there’s something you aren’t telling him, which worries him.

“Dustin… He may have found something, but I just–I don’t want to talk about it just yet. I… I don’t want to jinx it,” you squeeze your eyes tight and will away the fear you feel. “I–I’m just, I’m so exhausted, you know?”

“Y/N, are you in danger–”

“No,” you dispel any fear that Steve may feel. “I promise I’m okay, I just really need to hear your voice right now, okay? Can you just talk to me, please?”

“Of course I can.” Steve agrees without any questions asked, and you love how he trusts you enough to do this.

Exhaling the remaining fear, you allow the warmth from Steve to hold you through the night. “Thank you, honey.”

“Anytime, angel. You know that.”

And you do.

Steve begins telling you a story from today, how he dropped an ice cream cone on a toddler and enraged the mom, and you fall asleep that night to the sound of his voice over the phone.

-

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[furioussheepluminary]

𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈𝐭 𝐇𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐬

Pairing: doctor!lee know x patient!afab!reader, nonidol au

Synopsis: he was the doctor assigned to taking care of you during your last days, and you both knew how this is was going to end. But you gave him hope to do even more for others

Warnings: death, angst, comfort, medical terms, nothing else...

A/n: please do not read if topics concerning leukemia affect you! Lee knows debut fic!

Emergency Department, Seoul Medical University Hospital

Time: 3:17 AM

The stretcher slammed through the ER’s double doors with a clang, the wheels shrieking under the weight of urgency. A sharp scent of antiseptic mixed with blood and sterile gauze clung to the cold air. Nurses barked out vitals while a young intern tripped over the IV line, earning a scowl from the charge nurse. You were barely conscious—ashen skin, lips tinged blue, your breath ragged like shattered glass. Your medical ID necklace glinted weakly under the fluorescent lights.

“Twenty-four-year-old female, history of MDS—high-risk subtype. She collapsed at home. Complaints of severe bone pain, fever, and tachycardia. Suspected sepsis.”

“BP’s 80 over 48 and falling. SpO2 at 86% on room air.”

“Push one liter NS, wide open. Get a CBC, BMP, blood cultures, lactic acid, and coags STAT—”

“Where’s Dr. Lee?!”

That name—quiet but commanding—cut through the chaos like a scalpel.

Dr. Lee Minho arrived moments later, stethoscope already around his neck, white coat billowing like a silent storm cloud. His hair was slightly tousled, evidence he’d been asleep moments before but there was no hesitation in his movements.

“Move,” he said calmly.

He leaned over your body as the team parted. His fingers found your radial pulse, thready. He noted the fever in your skin, the petechiae blooming across your limbs, the raw wince when he palpated your abdomen. “Leukemic transformation,” he muttered under his breath. “Possibly febrile neutropenia with septic shock. She's neutropenic. Start piperacillin-tazobactam and vancomycin. Isolate her. I want a central line and a STAT oncology consult.”

His voice was clinical, sharp, but his eyes? They lingered. Just for a second. On your face. You blinked up at him, barely registering the surgical mask, the depth in his gaze.

“Don’t let me die,” you rasped.

He stilled. And then, softer—softer than anyone had ever heard from him—he whispered, “Not tonight.”

Over the next few hours, your body fought a battle you didn’t witness. Lab values crashed. Your blood cultures lit up like a Christmas tree. A transfusion was ordered, then another. Your oxygen saturation dipped, then slowly climbed under high-flow nasal cannula.

And Dr. Lee stayed.

He charted. Adjusted your IV. Read every previous record like it was a prophecy written in your marrow. The next morning, when the sun breached through sterile blinds, he sat at your bedside in fresh scrubs, his white coat folded neatly over a chair. He wasn't your attending, not officially. But when you woke up with a sore throat and burning muscles, he was there.

---

Seoul Medical University Hospital – Hematology & Palliative Care Wing

The fluorescent lights hummed softly above you as you lay in the private palliative room—Room 417. A gentle breeze brushed in from the cracked window, stirring the sterile scent with the lavender diffuser Dr. Lee insisted on replacing every week. He said it helped his patients sleep. But you knew it was because it helped you dream. Lee Know—Dr. Lee Minho—wasn't the type of physician who lingered unless there was a reason. Stern, efficient, and precise, like the incisions he made during his early trauma residency days. But for you, there was something different. The way his eyes softened when reviewing your lab reports, the slight delay in his steps as he left your room, or the way he’d stand at your door a second longer than needed, fingers flexing as if resisting the urge to turn back.

Your diagnosis: Myelodysplastic Syndrome with progression into acute myeloid leukemia. Your prognosis: Poor. Limited response to induction chemo. You had refused further aggressive treatments. Instead, they assigned you a permanent physician for end-stage palliative care.

Lee Know.

“Your white cell count dropped again,” he murmured, tapping at the tablet in his palm as he sat beside you. His stethoscope—cold, always cold—rested at the hollow of your clavicle, but you barely flinched anymore. “Respiratory rate’s steady. Heart’s holding. You’re stable… for now.”

His voice was gentle, devoid of pity but full of that quiet warmth that had become your only comfort. His dark hair fell slightly over his eyes, and he hadn't noticed until you reached a trembling hand to brush it aside.

“You need sleep, Doctor.”

He smiled, brief and broken.

“So do you.”

Over weeks, your body weakened. Episodes of febrile neutropenia left you gasping between nights. You could feel the silent fear in Lee Know every time he checked your oxygen saturation, his gloved hands hesitating at the pulse oximeter, his eyes betraying a flicker of dread when the numbers dipped.

And yet, he stayed. He brought you coffee-scented candles. He learned how you liked your IV tubes taped—horizontal, not looped. He never wore the white coat inside your room anymore. “It makes you nervous,” he had once said simply, hanging it on the door hook like a promise to be more than your physician, your friend.

Sometimes, he’d sit at the edge of your bed, pulling out your charts, reading labs, but eventually drifting into quiet stories. He told you about how he once missed a suturing exam because he was too busy watching a stray cat give birth behind the med school. You told him about the dreams you had, of running in forests, of dancing with the moonlight in your lungs, free from beeping monitors and blood transfusions.

“Do you think,” you asked one evening, voice barely above a whisper, “if we met somewhere else—if I wasn’t dying—would you have liked me?”

He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he took your frail hand, carefully adjusting the pulse oximeter before speaking. “I already like you. That’s the problem.” He never said the words. But you saw it in the tension of his jaw when you vomited from pain meds, in how he wiped your mouth himself when the nurse was slow to arrive. You saw it in the way he charted your decline each day with surgical sorrow—as though every entry carved deeper into his ribs.

He wasn't supposed to fall. But love, like illness, had its own pathology. Quiet, invasive. Irreversible.

---

Oncology Department – Doctors’ Lounge, Seoul Medical University Hospital

Time: 6:42 PM

The sterile hum of the oncology wing was dimmed in the late evening. Harsh fluorescent lighting overhead had been traded for a warmer amber in the doctors' lounge—a temporary illusion of comfort in a place ruled by cold facts and clinical decisions. Dr. Minho stood by the glass window, arms folded, stethoscope looped lazily around his neck. Outside, the sun dipped low behind the city skyline. Inside, silence hovered, until a voice broke through.

“Lee,” Dr. Chan’s voice was casual, but firm—the kind of tone reserved for both praise and warning. “You’ve been taking a lot of time with Patient Y/N.” Minho didn’t turn. “She needs it.”

Chan stepped inside, sliding the door shut with a soft click. In his hands: your file. Bulky, already stained with color-coded stickers, urgent consults, infectious disease reports, oncology charts, and now… palliative care briefs. “Her numbers are deteriorating,” Chan said. “Hemoglobin’s down again. Platelets are almost transfusion-dependent. And the last marrow biopsy?” He sighed. “Blasts are over thirty percent.”

Minho finally turned. “I know.”

“Do you?” Chan's brow lifted. “You’ve been her doctor for—what—three weeks now? That’s a long time to stay attached for someone not even in your primary caseload.”

Minho stepped forward, expression unreadable. “She’s lucid. Cognitively sharp. No signs of neurological decline. Yes, she’s declining systemically—but she’s still fighting. She deserves someone consistent.”

“And she has someone consistent,” Chan replied gently. “But I need to know if that someone is still you as a doctor—or you as something else.” That made Minho pause.

Silence stretched between them. He didn’t deny it. Not exactly. Not in the way he usually would.

“…She reminds me why I do this,” he said, voice low. “She jokes with the nurses even after chemo wipes her out. She thanks the interns who can’t look her in the eye. She smiles when she’s vomiting. And she knows she’s dying.”

Chan softened slightly. “And that’s why you need to be careful.”

“I’m not crossing any boundaries.”

“Yet.” Minho turned again, staring back out at the window. The reflection of your chart glimmered faintly in the glass, as if your story lived in both worlds, the real and the mirrored.

“She asked me today if I thought heaven had hospitals,” he murmured.

“…And what did you say?”

“I said heaven’s wherever she doesn’t need one.”

Chan exhaled, slow. He walked to the table, placed your file down, and rested a hand on it.

“Just remember—when she lets go, you can’t fall with her.”

---

Scene: Oncology Wing, Room 417

Time: 11:34 AM

The clink of metal cutlery against porcelain was gentle, hesitant. Like the tremble of her hand didn’t want to disturb the quiet peace of the room. A tray sat on the rolling table in front of Y/N, barely touched. Watery porridge, a half-opened yogurt cup, and a slice of apple that looked more like a challenge than a fruit. Lee Know sat beside her bed—not on the visitor’s chair, but on the side of the mattress itself, white coat wrinkled at the hem, stethoscope tucked into his pocket. He had been doing that more lately—sitting with her, not over her. No longer just her doctor. Something else. Something heavier.

“You don’t have to force it,” he said quietly, watching her struggle to lift the spoon to her lips.

“I’m not,” she smiled. “I’m just... negotiating with it.”

He gave a small huff of amusement. “How’s the negotiation going?”

“Not well,” she muttered, then blinked at the spoonful of porridge. “I offered it friendship. It responded with betrayal.”

Minho let out a quiet laugh, but it was laced with something fragile. This was how it had been since she arrived. At first, their exchanges had been clinical. Precise. Symptoms, meds, charts. But then—between the rounds, after the lumbar punctures, during late nights when her pain spiked—something shifted. She saw through him. Saw past the doctor title and straight to the person.

And somehow, he’d let her in. “Do you ever eat with your patients?” she asked, resting the spoon back in the bowl. “Or am I just the favorite?”

He glanced at her tray. “Only when they’re winning battles.”

“I’m trying to,” she whispered. That whisper—quiet and honest—echoed too loudly in the room. And just as she turned back to try another bite, it happened.

Her stomach clenched. Her face went pale, eyes watering as the nausea hit hard. She dropped the spoon, clutched at her abdomen, and gagged. Minho was on his feet instantly, reaching for the basin, supporting her frail frame as she threw up into it. Her body convulsed against his hands, trembling violently. The food—what little there was—splashed into the basin with a horrible sound. He held her hair back, one hand on her back, rubbing gently in circles.

“It’s okay, it’s okay…” he muttered, voice cracking as he steadied her.

She coughed, then collapsed against his chest, weak and clammy. And despite himself—despite years of training to never get attached—he blinked hard to fight back the tears. He had watched tumors shrink and grow, watched hearts stop and restart. But nothing prepared him for the devastation of watching her suffer.

Still, she chuckled. Breathless. Whispery. But a chuckle nonetheless.

“You know... you look like you're about to cry,” she teased. He swallowed hard. “I’m fine.”

“Liar.”

He helped her lie back down, gently adjusting her IV line. Her breathing was shallow but even now, calm. She stared up at him, cheeks pale, lips dry—but eyes bright with something peaceful. Accepting. Not fighting anymore. Just… being. “Lee Know,” she murmured, using his name without the title. She always did that when it was just them. “Can I ask you something?”

He nodded.

“If it were you in this bed… would you want someone to stay? Or would you rather be left alone so it hurts less when they’re gone?”

He looked at her for a long moment, silence weighing between them.

“…I think I’d want someone to stay,” he finally answered. “Even if it hurt.”

She smiled. A soft, serene thing. “Then don’t leave me yet.”

Minho froze. She didn’t say it with desperation. She wasn’t begging. She was just… reminding him that his presence, his stubborn daily visits, his quiet company—it all mattered. Even as her body failed, her heart still reached for him.

“I’ll tell the nurses to come check on you,” he said suddenly, standing, voice tight.

“Minho,” she said, this time more softly. “It’s okay to care, you know. Just don’t let it drown you.”

He paused at the door. His hand clenched the edge of his white coat.

Without turning back, he said, “You always say things like you’re already gone.”

And with that, he walked out, expression unreadable, throat burning, heart heavy.

Outside, the hallway smelled like antiseptic and ghosted hope. But inside Room 417, you were smiling, your frail hand resting calmly on your chest, as if you’d just whispered a secret the universe would have to hold for him now.

---

Hospital Hallway, Oncology Department

Time: 9:47 PM

The hum of overhead lights was dull, almost weary—like even the hospital itself was tired. Most of the nurses had clocked out. A few interns lingered at their desks. The corridor to Room 417 was dimmer now, the once-bustling ward quieting down as the night shift settled in. Minho stood alone at the end of the hall, back pressed against the cold wall near the nurse's station, arms folded. He hadn’t moved in a while. His coat was still on, but his badge had been unclipped, tucked into his pocket, like he didn’t want to carry the weight of the title anymore. A clipboard rested beside him. Unused. Blank.

Chan, who had just finished his rounds and was headed toward the elevators, slowed when he caught sight of him. The head doctor’s footsteps softened as he approached, reading the tension like it was printed on the walls.

“You still here?” Chan asked, brows lifting.

Minho didn’t answer immediately. Chan looked him up and down. “Have you eaten?”

“Yeah,” Minho lied. His voice was quiet. Distant. “I’m fine.” Chan didn’t believe him, but he nodded anyway, giving him room.

“What are you doing here this late?” Chan asked gently, glancing toward Room 417. “She asleep?” Minho nodded slowly. “Yeah. She vomited earlier. I stayed to monitor her vitals. Just in case.” Chan sighed softly. “Minho… you’ve been here longer than anyone. Every night. You know her numbers as well as her chart does.”

Silence.

“Go home,” Chan said carefully. “You need rest. You’ve done more than enough.”

Something shifted in Minho’s face. Not big, not loud, but enough for Chan to feel it. His jaw clenched, shoulders tightened, and his voice shook.

“No,” Minho said, harshly. “I haven’t.”

Chan blinked. “Minho…”

“I haven’t done enough. If I had—she wouldn’t be like this. She wouldn’t be so damn calm about dying. She wouldn’t be making peace with it while I’m just—just standing there acting like I know how to save her when I can’t.”

His voice broke. It startled Chan—Minho never let himself break.

Minho turned away slightly, breathing hard, hands curling into fists at his sides. “You know what the worst part is? She’s the one comforting me. I hold the chart, I deliver the news, I monitor her stats—and she just smiles at me like that’s supposed to make it okay. She’s dying, hyung. She’s dying, and she’s still trying to protect me.”

Chan’s lips parted, stunned into silence. Minho let out a sharp breath, and suddenly, it was there.

Tears.

Not loud. Not dramatic. Just quiet, stinging tears that sat in the corners of his eyes and refused to fall. Like he was still trying to keep it together, still trying to be the strong one. And then Chan saw it like an echo surfacing from deep memory:

Minho stood in the hallway outside Room 206, white coat brand new, face too young for the grief etched into it. Inside, a little girl lay still. Leukemia. He’d tried everything. She'd written him a thank-you note the day before she passed. He hadn’t cried then. Just stood there while Chan told him, “Some patients you lose... and it never stops hurting.” And Minho had said, “If this is how it starts, I don’t know if I can keep going.”

Now, years later, Minho was still standing in the same place, different room, same ache.

Chan stepped forward slowly, rested a hand on Minho’s shoulder. His voice was softer this time. “She’s not asking you to save her, Minho. She just wants you to be there.”

Minho didn’t respond but his shoulders shook once. Just once. “You’ve done more than enough,” Chan said again, firmer now. “Let yourself rest. Let yourself feel.” Minho finally looked at him, eyes rimmed red, jaw trembling. But he didn’t argue.

Chan gave his shoulder one last squeeze, then slowly pulled away.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” he said quietly. And then he left, footsteps echoing down the quiet hall.

Minho stood there for a moment longer, staring at the linoleum floor like it might offer him answers. Then, without a word, he turned and walked down the opposite corridor. Past the breakroom. Past the surgical prep wing. Into his small, dimly lit office.

He locked the door behind him, dropped onto the couch, and didn’t even bother turning off the lights. He didn’t cry again. He just sat there.

Awake. Listening to the silence and pretending that somewhere in it, maybe she was still smiling.

---

2:17 AM. Y/N’s Room. Room 417. Desk Lamp On.

The hospital room was quiet, save for the distant hum of a monitor and the soft scribble of pen on paper. Y/N sat propped up on a pillow, shoulders trembling under a thin blanket, her oxygen line carefully tucked beneath her nose. Her hands shook as she wrote not from nerves, but from the toll her body had taken. Every breath was a fight, every movement a surrender.

But her eyes were calm.

She paused occasionally, her gaze drifting toward the window where the moonlight bled through the curtains, then back to the letter in her lap. Her words came slowly but purposefully.

To Dr. Lee Minho (but mostly, just Minho),

If you're reading this… then the day has come. And I’m sorry. Not because I’m gone—but because I know you’re hurting. You always thought you had to carry everything on your own. You wore your silence like armor. You thought if you cared too much, it would ruin you. I saw that… even when you didn’t say a word.

But you cared anyway. For me. You were never just my doctor. You were my first real friend in all of this. My anchor. You made this place feel less like a countdown and more like a home. I know you’ll want to blame yourself. You’ll think maybe there was something more you could’ve done. But please… don’t let this become another ghost you carry.

You gave me so many more days than I ever thought I’d have. You gave me your time, your kindness, your silence when I needed it and your voice when I couldn’t find mine. You made me laugh. You listened to all my weird dreams and terrible jokes and watched me cry without trying to fix it. You didn’t run from me, even when I was slipping away. I feel like after I write this things may not go the way we want, and maybe this is selfish… but I need you to promise me you’ll keep going.

I want you to eat real meals, sleep in your bed—not your office. I want you to keep caring for people… even if it hurts. Because you’re good, Minho. So good. And if one day someone asks what happened to your patient in Room 417, you can say, “She lived.” Not for long, maybe—but she lived. Because you gave her reasons to.

I hope you find joy again. I hope someone loves you the way you deserve. And if you ever miss me… just look up. I’ll be in the stars, whispering terrible jokes at you.

Thank you for staying.

Love,

Y/N.

---

4:36 AM. Lee Know’s Office. Monitor Beep. Incoming Call.

Lee Know startled awake, head jerking from the desk, his heart already racing.

“Code Blue – Room 417.”

“No.”

The word was immediate. Guttural. Terrified.

No. No. No. No. No.

His coat was halfway on before he even realized it. The hallway blurred past him—white walls, overhead lights, a nurse calling out his name—and then he reached her door.

Chaos. Inside, nurses worked frantically, pressing paddles to her chest. A senior physician barked vitals. A respiratory therapist adjusted the ventilator. The monitor screamed.

Flatline. Minho’s legs felt heavy. His chest constricted. It was happening again.

“BP still crashing—come on, push epi!”

He couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. Then he saw it.

The letter. Folded neatly. Propped against the metal table near the foot of her bed. His name scrawled across the front. His trembling hands reached for it as the chaos unfolded behind him.

He opened it. Each line etched into his brain like a slow, deliberate wound.

She knew.

She knew. The longer he read, the harder it got to see the page, tears spilling, lips parting in silent disbelief. He pressed a hand to his mouth as her words sank deeper and deeper, breaking him open in a place he'd spent years barricading.

A sob broke from his throat. And just as his eyes reached the final line—

Thank you for staying.

—The monitor gave its final, single beep.

And then—

Silence. Stillness. No more rhythm. No more fight. No more noise. Lee Know’s fingers slipped from the letter. It floated down to the cold tile floor like the last petal of something once blooming.

He didn’t speak. He didn’t move. He just stood there, eyes locked on her still form, breathing in the heartbreak that would live with him forever.

“Time of death,” Dr. Yoon murmured, glancing at the monitor before lowering her head.

A nurse gently confirmed, “5:03 A.M.” For a moment, no one moved. The air in the room was heavier than usual. The kind of heavy that crawled into the lungs and sat there, refusing to let go.

Lee Know stood frozen, letter limp in his hand, the final words still echoing in his ears as her body lay motionless before him. Her eyes were closed. Her lips slightly parted like she might still be whispering something into the veil between this world and the next.

“Let’s give Dr. Lee a moment,” Dr. Yoon said softly, ushering the staff toward the door. One by one, they left. Machines powered down. Monitors silenced. The room, once frantic with life-saving attempts, fell into a hush so still it screamed.

Then the door clicked shut. And Minho broke. He staggered forward, fingers gripping the foot of her bed as the sobs came in waves, unfiltered and raw.

“Why… why did it have to be you?!” he whispered, voice crumbling under the weight of grief. “You weren’t supposed to be next…”

His shoulders shook violently as he collapsed into the chair beside her bed, head bowed, hand reaching—slow, trembling—until it found hers. Cold. Too cold.

He held it anyway. The letter trembled in his lap, her words now carved into the softest, most shattered parts of him.

“I wasn’t ready,” he choked. “I wasn’t ready to let you go. I didn’t want to say goodbye yet. I still had more to tell you…”

Tears spilled endlessly onto his hands, her sheets, her skin.

“You were so brave,” he whispered, voice nearly gone. “You never gave up. Even when you were in pain. Even when you knew this was coming…” He squeezed her hand like it might bring her back. Like maybe this time, if he held on tightly enough, the outcome would be different.

But it wasn’t. The silence stayed. So, he wept freely, brokenly, like the man behind the coat and stethoscope was nothing more than a boy who had just lost someone irreplaceable.

And for the first time in years…

He let himself grieve.

---

On-call Room, Three Weeks Later

The room was quiet except for the soft hum of the vending machine and the occasional footsteps of nurses beyond the door. Lee Know sat slouched on the small couch, a half-empty coffee cup in one hand, Y/N’s medical journal in the other. It was worn from her fingers, the pages slightly curled at the corners. Her handwriting danced across every page—sometimes shaky, sometimes strong—but always hers. Her voice in ink.

He’d read the first few pages a dozen times already, but tonight… tonight he couldn’t stop.

April 4th, 2:03 AM

"Dr. Lee said my blood pressure’s better today. I think he’s just trying to be nice. But he also brought me a banana (I hate bananas), and I ate the whole thing because he looked proud. I think… I’m starting to care too much. That’s dangerous."

He exhaled a quiet laugh, eyes misting. “You always hated bananas.” He flipped to another page.

May 17th

"I dreamt last night I was healthy again. I was running and Dr. Lee was yelling at me to slow down. I told him, ‘Catch me if you can!’ He didn’t. He just stood there smiling. I wish dreams could keep you alive."

Lee Know’s jaw clenched. He turned to the very last entry.

June 1st

"He sat with me for an hour today. Said nothing. I didn’t either. I think we both knew I was slipping. But the silence didn’t feel empty—it felt full. I think that’s how you know you love someone. When silence speaks more than words."

A tear landed on the page. And another.

He gently closed the journal, pressing it to his chest as he leaned back against the couch, eyes shut tight, trying to breathe through the pain. The quiet around him was vast, endless until the door creaked open.

“Minho?”

He looked up. Chan stood there, lab coat half-buttoned, eyes lined with fatigue—but soft with concern. Lee Know quickly wiped his face with the back of his sleeve. “Hey.”

Chan stepped in, closing the door behind him. “You’ve been here since the funeral.”

Lee Know gave a small nod. Chan eyed the journal. “Her handwriting?”

“She wrote every day,” Minho whispered, voice cracking. “Even when she couldn’t speak. Even when the pain was so bad her fingers locked up. She… didn’t want to be forgotten.”

Chan sat beside him slowly. “She won’t be.”

Minho shook his head, his fingers curling around the book. “I lost her, hyung. Just like the first one. Just like that kid three years ago… Remember? The one in PICU? I swore I’d never feel that helpless again.”

Chan let out a breath. “I remember. That broke you.”

“This…” Minho looked down. “This shattered me.”

Chan placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “And yet—you’re still here.”

Minho closed his eyes. “You're still reading her words. Still mourning her right,” Chan continued. “That means she mattered. And it means you did your job—with everything you had.”

“I don’t know if I can do this again,” Minho whispered. “Not if every goodbye hurts like this.”

Chan smiled gently. “But you will. Because this isn’t about not hurting. It’s about choosing to keep going, knowing it hurts. That’s what makes you the doctor patients remember—even after they’re gone.”

Lee Know looked at him, eyes glassy. Chan leaned forward, squeezing his shoulder. “You loved her, Minho. That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.” Just then—an overhead voice pierced the stillness.

“Code Yellow. Cardiac arrest. ER, Room 12.”

Minho froze. Chan looked up, then back to him.

“Come on,” he said softly. “Let’s go save someone else.” Minho stared at the journal one last time… then carefully set it on the table, kissed his fingers, and brushed them against the cover.

“For her.”

And he rose.

They both did—coats flying behind them, stethoscopes swinging—two doctors stepping back into the fire. Because the world hadn’t stopped. And neither would they.

@pessimisticloather @whatdoyouwanttocallmefor @alisonyus @rockstarkkami @burntbang @morkleesgirl @yoongiismylove2018 @imeverycliche @katchowbbie @pixiefelix @maisyyyyyy @necrozica @nebugalaxy @katyxstay @iknowyouknowminho @bbokvhs @imagine-all-the-imagines @jc27s @igotajuicyass @sh0dor1 @jeonginnieswifey @leeknow-minho2 @lillymochilover @depressedarlling @iknow-uknow-leeknow @maxidential @ebnabi @ari-hwanggg @xxxxmoonlightxxx @rossy1080 @hanniebunch @tricky-ritz @woozarts @zerillia @queenofdumbfuckery @lorialia  @btch8008s @jamroses

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[mattsundaes]

hello. help. i need to know... does the sex with atsumu + kita on the phone happen again? does it become a regular thing? does it grow into something more? how does kita react the next time he sees you? please HELP. that was the hottest thing ive ever read.

18+

a month passes without any mention of The Incident, until atsumu's on the phone with kita one night grousing about some mistakes he made during a jackals game the day before (because kita watches all of his games, and he knows his old captain will give him honest criticism).

not realizing that he's on the phone, you stride into the bedroom after a shower in nothing but a towel and tell atsumu that his "24 hours of punishing himself with sexless moping" are up.

"yer quite the masochist, huh," kita chuckles on the other end of the phone, and between the raspy, amused sound of his friend's voice and the sight of your still-wet body as you drop your towel to the floor in front of him, atsumu's suddenly painfully hard.

"want me to call ya back?" atsumu asks kita slowly, carefully.

kita's quiet for a moment. "think i'll wait."

"how should i make atsumu feel better, kita-san?" you ask as you watch atsumu switch over to speakerphone.

(atsumu comes so hard that night, he nearly passes out.)

--

though you've yet to actually discuss what exactly it is that the three of you are doing, it keeps happening. sometimes, atsumu doesn't even say anything at first when he dials kita late at night while he's in the middle of easing your tight hole open—he just lets him listen to you moan and pant and whine until his cock is buried to the hilt, a violent shudder of a groan running up his own spine when he feels the way your cunt clenches hard as kita softly says "good girl."

the two of you have kita over for dinner two months into whatever the fuck is going on, and it's almost maddening how calm he is when he arrives. like he hasn't been listening to you and atsumu fucking over the phone on a regular basis (like you haven't heard the wet, sloppy sounds of him falling apart as he fists his cock in tandem).

it's not until you're all sitting on the couch after dinner that atsumu finally speaks up and says, without any further lead in, "i wanna be the one to watch this time."

kita asks you before he moves. before he touches you, before he kisses you. and atsumu's barely got his hand wrapped around his own cock as he watches before kita's grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and kissing him, too. (atsumu comes all over his chest in thick, heavy spurts after desperately fucking kita's tight fist, kita's spit-covered lips oscillating messily between the two of you while you're cradled in his lap and bouncing on his cock.)

(anyway yeah after an all-night sex-a-thon this ends in a maturely negotiated and adequately discussed polyship<3)

[pelova4president]

Shadows are to protect IV

Victoria Pelova x Putellas!Reader

shadows are to protect I, II, III

summary~ You finally get your happy ending.

So you disappeared. You booked a flight to The Netherlands and didn’t tell anyone. You wanted to see the country Victoria talked about so much. The little cafes and restaurants she visited when she was there.

You built your own little world, a bubble where no one could hurt you and you couldn’t hurt anyone you cared about. You wouldn’t mind living here. Everyone did their own thing and there were dogs and parks everywhere.

De Oranje Leeuwinnen were playing a few days after you had arrived and you couldn’t let the chance of seeing Victoria play in front of her own people slip.

The stadium was absolutely packed. The orange shirts with the names of female players on them and red, white and blue flags on everyone’s cheeks. Even though Spain had won the World Cup there wasn’t this much attention for the Spanish team. It was something you were jealous of.

It’s been days since you disappeared, Alexia hasn’t texted or called you yet and you were grateful for that. She never knows what’s going through your head but if you don’t reach out in a situation like this, she knew she had to leave you be. She’d be there if you wanted to talk and you didn’t really desire that the past few days. But now you did.

In the hopes that she would pick up in the middle of the day you called. You sat in a little bakery somewhere in The Hague and it felt like the right time.

Three rings had gone by before you got someone on the other end of the phone. “Hola hermanita… Hola?” she said. “Ale, you got time?” you asked her. You heard her laugh, “Not really but you know i’ve always got time for my pequeña princesa.” you could imagine the big grin on her face. You groaned at the stupid nickname. She knew you hated it when she called you that.

“Whatever, i’m talking about like at least an hour. I’ve got a lot to tell you.” you said taking a sip from the overpriced latte. “Sí, i’ve got time for you.” she sighed.

She knew you probably had a lot to talk about. Alexia hadn’t really pushed you to talk about it because she knew you weren’t a great talker and if you really wanted to and if she needed to know, you would tell her.

And so you told her everything, about going to Arsenal and how it had been the first few weeks. How it wasn’t your home and how you felt so so lost there. You told her about Alessia, that she had your heart and she broke it just like that. That you didn’t really want to come out of bed the days after and that that was the reason why you visited her when you did. And about Victoria Pelova, the girl that has been nothing but good to you. Alexia laughed at that, she knew you’d get along, that’s why she told you to give the girl a chance.

“I’m in The Netherlands now Ale, i don’t know what to do now.” You sighed into your phone. “Joder hermanita, you already know what to do. I already know you got your ticket to the game. Dile que la amas.” Alexia always knew what to say. Sometimes it was nice to have a big sister that can tell you what to do. “And next time we play against England, just know i’ll get back at Russo.” she deadpanned. And a sister to protect you.

You had texted Victoria good luck before the game. ‘Hey Vicky, i just wanted to let you know i’ll be at your game today. Please listen to the voicemail i’ve left you a few days ago. Ik hou van jou, je kan het.’ you sent her.

Sitting on the third row you got a pretty good views of the game. It wasn’t a really important game or anything and the chance the orange team won was very high so you weren’t that nervous for the brunette.

In the 17th minute Brugts scored from the penalty area and not long after van de Donk scored too. The first half ended in 3-0.

As the players walked to the changing room you looked for Victoria. When you finally found her eyes, hers were already focused on you. Your lips formed an apologetic smile and you waved at her. She gave you a little smile before disappearing into the tunnel.

The second half went even smoother for the home side. Esmee Brugts got her hattrick and Damaris and Roord scored one each. It was the 88th minute when Kerstin Casparij made a dribble forward. She passed two midfielders and made a perfect cross. The white ball landed on Vic’s foot and she volleyed the ball into the corner of the net.

It was just an Euros qualifier but for you it was much more. You knew today was now or never. It was 8-0 but the crowd was just as loud as it was when the first goal was scored.

The game was over and you saw the team do their lap around the field. You loved how involved they were with their fans, especially the kids. Victoria was somewhere at the back, still signing a little girl’s Arsenal shirt when Damaris spotted you and ran towards your section.

You knew the player well. Damaris used to play for Spain but decided to move to the Dutch team and you got why. She was the first one to do something about the Spanish management and you admired her for it. Your ex-teammate climbed over the fences and when she finally got to you she was out of breath. She gave you a hug and greeted you. “Don’t tell Vic i know but she listened to your message before the game. She’s been sad all camp and doesn’t want to listen to anyone. Just wait at our hotel and i’ll get you in.” she told you before sprinting off again.

So now you were waiting on the orange bus full of players to arrive at some fancy hotel in Amsterdam. You looked like a stalker, dressed in all black with Victoria’s black hat and hoodie on.

After fifteen minutes of waiting the Dutch team finally arrived. All the girls walked past, well everyone except for Vic and Dama.

Damaris walked towards you with two bags in her hands, one with 21 on it and the other with number 17. Victoria walked behind her, confused as why she was carrying her bag inside until she saw you.

“Victoria, you better figure this out because i know you want her and she wants you, okay?” she told the girls strictly. The Arsenal player nodded silently and stood still in front of you.

“Did you hear the voicemail i left you?” you asked her. Her eyes weren’t focused on you but on the big neon letters of the hotel. The blue light was shining on her, making it look like she coloured her hair blue.

“Yeah. I got it, so tell me then, what happened?” her eyes traveled to your face. It was hard to read her at the moment.

“When i came into Arsenal i didn’t know anyone and i was scared and tired of being alone. Alessia helped me at that time until she didn’t need me anymore. One evening i found out she had a boyfriend all along. I was having a hard time after that and went to Alexia for a few days when you texted me.” you smiled at the thought of her text, she really did help you. “Alexia told me to give you a chance and i’m happy i did because you mean so much to me. I don’t think i would be playing football anymore if it wasn’t for you. And then Alessia didn’t like that, she kissed me that evening when you saw us but i told her that i didn’t want her. I swear. I only want you. Te amo, Vicky.” you pleaded.

You were still standing before her, you took your hat off and your right hand was in your pocket while your left was fidgeting with the strings of the black hoodie. “Say something, please.” you begged the brunette. Her silence was killing you.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve just let you explain but i didn’t. It’s just that when i heard Alessia talking to you and then kissing you..” Victoria sighed.

“I get it, you shouldn’t say sorry for that. Can we try again, i really want us to work out.” you smiled.

Victoria’s signature smirk appeared on her face and she leaned in for a kiss. “por supuesto cualquier cosa para ti” she grinned into your neck. “You’ve done your Duolingo sí?” you laughed at her.

“I did, just for you. And maybe just a little bit for when i meet your sister, got to make a good impression on La Reina hmm?” she teased.

A/N finally done!!! I don’t even know how this whole series was planned but this is it, happy ending and all

[morganski-19]

part 1, part 2, part 3

Wayne stays at the hospital longer than he should. Rubbing his fingers along Eddie’s pick necklace like a rosary. Hoping that if he just prays hard enough, if his voice can be heard, Eddie will wake up. 

The prognosis isn’t great. Each day that passes marks another day where his chances of waking up get lower. Even though many people have woken up from medically induced comas much later than this. According to the doctors. According to the pamphlets given to him at the start of all of this shit. But those are just words. Words he doesn’t believe fully. 

Six days with no changes. No improvement. Just a tube to make sure he’s breathing regularly and an IV to make sure he doesn’t die of dehydration or starvation. The doctors say that his brain still shows activity, and his heart hasn’t missed a beat since he was last revived. Eddie’s alive, but just how much?

How much longer will Wayne sit in this agony waiting for him to wake up? Or how long until the string of hope just ends six feet under? 

Religion was something that Wayne dealt with sporadically. He was raised Catholic, sort of still is a practicing Catholic. Goes to church when he isn’t too tired, still prays, and goes to confession sometimes. Just didn’t always make sense. But now, it’s all he’s got. 

Eddie’s in God’s hands now. Whether that’s the God in the Bible, or some other deity of the many other religions in the world, Wayne doesn’t care anymore. As long as he’s heard, and this being knows his boy is good. That he was taken far too soon. 

Eddie liked to say there was nothing much for him past high school. That he was going to run out of town as soon as he could and fight to make something of himself. Be a struggling musician, find odd jobs. Anything to keep him out of the monotony of a corporate job. Get him away from the conservative views and stuffiness of this town. Somehow get big enough to prove them all that he wasn’t a failure. Or never come back to prove them all right. 

It would be a sad day when Eddie finally left for good. The trailer would seem empty without the life that Eddie brought. The peace and quiet that Wayne always asked for not bringing any peace because it was too damn quiet. He knew this now because it’s what’s keeping him here each day. 

The beeping of the heart monitor was like the heart beating in his chest. Some noise came from Eddie to prove that he was alive. Almost like he was acting himself again. The motel room he was staying in was too quiet. No music down the hall, no clanking around the kitchen, no yelling at the TV or a book. Just the occasional noise if there were neighbors and people driving to the hospital. It was all the wrong noise, though. 

“Excuse me,” a nurse says as she enters the room. “Visiting hours are over, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Wayne nods, getting up from his chair. Back screaming as it pops itself back into place. It’s his day off, or night off tonight, so he can actually sleep. If it ever comes to him. Might be one of those nights where the ceiling and him have a staring contest. He’s been close, but never quite won one of those yet. 

The Chief’s car sits outside of the motel as Wayne pulls up. It’s only been a day since they spoke last, there can’t be that many updates. Wayne can’t think of any other reason he’s here. 

Wayne invites him into the motel room, the urge to offer him a drink screaming at him, but he has none to give. Hospitality doesn’t come with the room fees. 

“I’m guessing there’s something new, that’s why you're here.”

“Not necessarily. I’m still trying, but until the one guy I normally negotiate with comes out of hiding, that’s when the real talking happens.”

Wayne sits down on one of the chairs, too tired to keep standing. “Why’re you here then?”

“To check on you. I know the hospital life well. It’s no picnic, especially if you’re doing it alone.” He pulls another one of the chairs over to sit down. 

There’s no lie in that. “I’m about as good as anyone could think.”

The Chief pulls two beers out from under his coat, handing one to Wayne. He takes it faster than any beer he has in his life. Pulling out his pocket knife to take off the cap. 

“How long till that friend of yours comes out of hiding?”

Hopper shrugs. “Don’t know. Sent him a few threatening letters, and he still owes me one, so we’ll see. If things were better here, I’d go hunt the man down myself.”

Wayne nods. The company’s nice, he can’t lie. Sitting in solidarity with someone who knows what you’ve been through. Making sure nothing’s going worse than it already is. Like a sponsor through the hospital proceedings. 

When the sun finally finishes setting, the chief excuses himself. Not before handing Wayne a slip of paper with his number on it, just in case anything happens. 

The more days go by, the more Wayne is reminded that he’s not alone in this. Not fighting this battle alone. People believe him, more than just kids. People with influence. It shows in how people keep coming in and out of the hospital room. Saying how they know he’s innocent. That he’s guilty of some things, but not this. 

It makes him think back to that afternoon, snapping at the Harrington kid. It’s so easy to be angry at people who are better off, in so many ways, that vision gets blinded. Seeing someone who went through something similar to Eddie get out, and be conscious while his boy is still asleep. Probably will never have to worry about hospital bills and medical debt. It makes him angry. 

Even if the kid doesn’t deserve it. Wayne has no clue who this kid is and how he knows Eddie. Why he claims to have been there in the week Eddie was missing. What it all means. It doesn’t make any sense. None at all. 

But then the next morning when he’s getting coffee, there’s the kid again coming in beside Dustin. Talking to someone at the front desk before heading down the hall. Right to the elevator, and up to the floor Eddie’s on. 

Wayne heads back to the room, ready to kick him out again or apologize. He’s not sure yet. But, the room is empty. Steve is instead down the hall, talking to Susan Mayfield. Looking serious as hell, and halfway ready to cry. 

Another kid comes out of the room, one who’s stopped by a few times to check on Eddie. Lucas, Wayne thinks is his name. Remembers it only because Eddie had ranted a few times about some kid named Lucas trying to be on both the basketball team and part of the Dragons club. 

The kid says something to Steve before he���s being wrapped in a hug and starts crying. Steve just holding him as this kid breaks down. Presumably about the person behind those doors. Wayne assumes it’s probably Susan’s kid. Remembers hearing that she was in bad shape. Hopefully, that didn’t get any worse. 

Wayne returns to his room, not wanting to intrude. A nurse comes in a while later and asks him to step out for a bit. 

“What for?”

“Eddie’s breathing has improved over the last twenty-four hours. The doctor came in to check on him early this morning, and said that if by noon it was the same, the breathing tube could come out.”

“And that’s a good thing?” Wayne’s hesitant to believe anything these days. 

The nurse nods. “As long as his oxygen levels stay, well level, then yes. It means that his body is well on the way to recovery.”

Wayne nods, taking his coffee to the waiting room. There, he just waits.

Next part

Note: The next part of this will get a bit interesting. I've been having ideas for a while now of making this duel POV between Wayne and someone else, maybe Steve. Mainly because I keep thinking of conversations that would happen, but Wayne would be nowhere to witness it. But I think what this fic needs is a POV not directly in the main relationship that will be happening, to keep it an outsider POV fic. So I'm thinking that the second POV would be from either Robin or Dustin. I'm currently deciding between the two so let me know what you think. I'm also going to start posting this to ao3, and will provide the link to that once I think of a title. I will continue to post the smaller parts here on tumblr, and you will not be missing out on any of the story if you only follow it on here. For now all of the parts will also have the tag #morgan's wayne POV. If that changes, as it probably will since this is no longer just a wayne POV fic, I will let you know. Also, Max is alive, they just got a heavy diagnosis that you will learn of later.

tag list, let me know if you want to be added or removed: @the-they-who-nerded, @insteviewetrust, @croatoan-like-its-hot, @jettestar, @tinyplanet95, @steddie-as-they-go, @slv-333, @littlecelestialmoth, @thatonebadideapanda, @fandomsanddeath, @marismorar, @wonderland-girl143-blog, @glass-bottle03, @gutterflower77, @here4thetrama, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @jaytriesstuff, @cryptid-system, @manda-panda-monium, @resident-gay-bitch, @anaibis, @xxsutherlandxx, @forevermineliv, @mugloversonly, @gregre369, @n0-1-important, @different-tale-student, @spectrum-spectre, @tartarusknight, @devondepresso, @swimmingbirdrunningrock, @cheertain, @anti-ozzie, @autumncrocusandladybug, @greeniebean911, @cr0w-culture, @stillfullofshit, @connected-dots, @daisynotquake, @morgannotlefay, @a-little-unsteddie, @dolphincliffs

[curly-fry-3]

I don't wanna overwhelm you since you probably have like other req to finish but after I saw the post with Gabriel I had an idea (°□°) ☝️

So basically in season 3 where Dean dies over and over again, surprisingly Dean's daughter, reader doesn't but she also isn't in the time loop stuck with Sam so at the end he asks and turns out Gabriel just likes her better (and also that she isn't gonna die like dean at the end anyways). So then when Dean died and Sam left with Ruby, leaving her alone (tho Sam probably thought that she went to Bobby and he didn't want to take her with him since just like Dean she was against the whole Ruby thing). She had no one... for like 5 hours when she heard from random people that something crazy happened to them. So she goes to look for Gabriel cause what most people described were things a trickster would do. She eventually finds him and confronts him and they start talking giving each other comfort cause right now they both have some sorta family issues (tho he doesn't say he's the Archangel Gabriel just kinda says his name is Gabriel) and they kinda have this 'uncle who buy his niece a gun to birthday' relationship.

𖦹Gabriel's Favorite𖦹

summary𖦹 When the worst thing that could happen, happens, Gabriel will be there to shit talk with you

pairing𖦹 Archangel Gabriel x Reader (platonic)

word count𖦹 1,667

notes𖦹 this idea was so cool but I dont feel like what I wrote is the best cause ive never written for Gabe before (I low-key made him such a diva) Also it has kinda a lot of build up to the actual conversation sorry I hope you like it though

Another Tuesday. Another Tuesday of Sam waking up to you and Dean humming along to Aisa while getting ready for the day like nothing was wrong. Dean has already died about a hundred times, with you and Sam both as witnesses, yet Sam seems to be the only one affected. He was tired and confused. He had just watched you sobbing over your father's dead body, and now you two are brushing your teeth while choosing where to eat for breakfast.

After trying to explain his situation and being met with poorly hidden judgy faces, Sam follows you and his brother into the diner you choose. He cautiously walks in, scanning the room for anybody who looks out of place. You're chatting to Dean excitedly about some show you're watching as you all sit down in a booth. When your rambling dies down,your dad notices Sam’s unease and silence. 

Dean turns to his brother and grabs his attention “Why are you on edge? It's not like anything is gonna happen”

Sam tenses his jaw and gives Dean a bitch face “Something always happens. Whether you choke on your food or you slip and crack your head open on the way to the bathroom, you always die”

Dean dismisses his concern “Nothing is gonna happen. I'm a big boy, I can chew my food and walk without falling”

Sam rolls his eyes and turns toward the other people in the restaurant, eyes searching for odd behavior. You look over at your dad in confusion then look over at Uncle Sammy, brows furrowing in concern “If my dad has died so many times, how come I don't remember it? I should be in the time loop too”

Sam focuses back onto you “I don't know. I have no idea what's going on or how to stop it, I just don't wanna watch Dean die again–or have to watch you watch him die”

There is an awkward silence, Dean sighs to fill the space then tries to lighten the mood. “If I'm gonna die today, it's not gonna be on an empty stomach, let's get something to eat”

You nod before looking down at the menu “Look, Dad, Pig n’ a Poke”

He looks at where you're pointing and hums out in satisfaction “That sounds amazing” He turns to Sam, trying to include him in the conversation “Sammy doesn't that sound amazing? I getting it”

You close up your menu “Me too”

Dean kicks Sam under the table “What are you getting”

“Nothing. You know, watching you die over and over kinda ruined my appetite” He recipes with as much sass as possible.

Your meal passes without any hiccups and You exit the diner and barely make it down the street before Dean is mauled by a dog. You watch in horror as his body lies lifeless on the sidewalk. You sob as you hold him, looking up at Sammy. Suddenly Sam sits up in bed, Aisa playing on the radio–another Tuesday.

  He has to live through a couple more Tuesdays till he finally spots what he was searching for in the diner. Everyone eats and does the same thing every day, except one man. This man would always have pancakes, but today he ordered a different kind of syrup. 

Sam waited until the man walked out of the diner and quietly followed him, You and Dean not far behind. He corners the man in the alley and holds a stake up to his neck. Dean reflexively puts an arm out in front of you and puts you behind him. 

Sam grips the lapel of the man's shirt “I know it's you. You're the reason I keep living through Tuesday, watching him die again and again. I know you're a trickster, we've killed one before. One thing I don't know is why. Why are you doing this and why isn't she affected”

Suddenly, the man's face shifts into the face of the trickster Sam was referring to “You two chuckle heads didn't kill me. I've gotta say, it's been quite fun killing Dean every day, but I didn't do this to hurt him, it's all for you. I'm trying to tell you, Sam, you can't save your brother. As for why she's not involved, I like her. She's not an asshole like you two.”

Sam grinds his teeth and digs the wooden stake farther into the trickster's neck “bullshit, I can save him. All I have to do is kill you for real, and this is all over”

The man puts his hands up in defense “Woah, we don't need to go that far. You found me, the joke is over” 

He snapped his fingers and Sam woke up in the motel again, but this time the radio played a different song “It's not Aisa”

Dean makes room for you to spit out your toothpaste in the sink “Yeah I know, this station sucks”

A large smile never left Sam's face as he got up and ready for the day. The smile vanished when he sent Dean and you to go put your bags in the car. He was finishing up in the room when he heard a gunshot and a scream from the parking lot. He rushes outside and finds you cradling Dean's lifeless body. You look up at Sam as he approaches with tears and snot running down your face.

After that day, things had really changed. Your dad was gone and Sammy was different. You thought you could mourn with him but he was just so disconnected. It didn't take long for him to ditch you, saying that it was important and too dangerous for you to come with him. You knew what that meant, you knew he was going to Ruby. You know he thought you were going to go to Bobby, that you would be taken care of, but you just couldn't. You couldn't live in that house, it reminded you too much of your dad.

You had just started wondering, looking for something, a sign or anything, that would tell you what to do next. It didn't take long because, a couple hours later, you heard people talking of the most insane thing happening to them. You knew that it had to be the trickster, you could feel it in your gut. You used the skills your dad had taught you to find him. Although you had been searching for him, You were only able to meet him again by complete accident–running into him on the street. 

You were minding your own business while you were walking till, by the grace of god, you made eye contact with the trickster. You pause, making sure it's really him, before quickly approaching him. He looks a little shocked to see you,but not unhappy “Hey kid, what are you doing by yourself”

You look down at your feet before looking back at him “Dad’s dead, Sam left”

He awkwardly pauses for a sec then mutters under his breath “Oh, shit” He puts one arm around your shoulder and starts leading you towards an apartment. “Is it ok if you stay with me”

You nod “Yeah, I mean, who else would I stay with”

He keeps his arm around you until you make it to the front door and he unlocks it with both arms, motioning for you to go inside “Make yourself at home. I got food in the fridge, an extra bed, and there's a dog here somewhere. If you need or want anything, just tell me–I have my ways of getting shit. If you wanna talk, I'm available anytime I'm not messing with someone. Oh and, my name's Gabriel by the way”

You sit down on the couch next to him after he finishes his introduction “Thank you, really. I had somewhere else I could go to but I had too many memories of my dad there.”

He lazily spreads out on the couch and nods in agreement, “You don't have to explain that to me, I totally get it. I would be living with my family but there's just too much going on there too. I mean, don't even get me started on the family drama”

You start becoming more comfortable and relax on the couch “Please, I feel like I'm the queen of family drama, My uncle left me after my dad died to go kanoodle with a demon”

His jaw drops “Are you serious, that bitch! You deserve better. I should have messed with him more”

You sigh in exhaustion “I don't even wanna think about it right now. You need to tell me your drama so I forget about mine”

He immediately starts unloading “Oh, where do I even start? My brothers have always been fighting but it kinda died down for a while, but now they're at it again. And whenever they fight, it's always messy, they hurt other people and it's just annoying.” 

“Oh, I hate a messy fight. People need to learn to control themselves” You reply

He nods in agreement “Tell me about it. That's why this time, I'm not picking a side. I'm gonna stay out of it till it dies down. It's just frustrating because nobody else tries to stop it, they just pick a side and go with it. My dad has just given up, he is nowhere to be found”

Your eyes widen “Omg he ditched you guys, that's crazy messed up. I think it would be worse if my dad left, at least when he died it wasn't his choice. I guess that's why it hurt so much when Sam left”

Gabriel takes a deep breath “You know, talking it out actually feels better than I thought it would”

You take a second to think before responding “It actually does. I haven't really talked to anyone since everything happened and I already feel way better”

He gives you a mischievous smile “You know what would make this even better? Booze.”

sorry for any typos

@areswasneverhere

[transhuman-priestess]

Sometimes the struggles we go through to be ourselves can be as rewarding as the end result.

A pretty breezy one here. Only content notes are surgery mention and needle mention. No gore to be found, no sex neither. Just good ol' fashioned yearning.

This is definitely a bit of a right angle to my usual stuff. There's no horror, it's light on dialogue, but its in a very similar space to a lot of the other stuff, just a different way of going at it.

Daughter of Elysium

I scheduled the surgery without telling my parents. They wouldn’t understand.

When I came out as trans they were supportive, in perhaps the slightly awkward way that cis people tend to be when they want to be accepting of things they don’t understand. This was different though.

I sat in the waiting room of the clinic in Montevideo, lined with faux wood paneling and sleek glass. Peak 2010s architecture. An older building, but the clinic’s reputation spoke for itself. There was no way I was going to get this procedure done in North America. Too expensive, too niche.

Too many hoops to jump through, too. Go see this doctor, talk to this therapist. Walk with these crutches. Practice with this fake charger for a year. Bullshit, all of it. I just wanted to be me.

So I saved money where I could. I slept in the heat of the Californian summers, kept the lights off early in the winter, rode the train to work, ate cheap meals, canceled all my subscriptions, lived in a 300 sq foot apartment in Watsonville.

3 years and $100,000 Californian Dollars later, I got on a train in Santa Cruz for a 3-day journey to Uruguay.

It was late June, a few days before the solstice. This far south of the equator that meant the sun rose late and set early. It was early morning, a quarter to 7, and 5 hours ahead of California time. I was used to being awake at night, but that only made the early sunrise more disorienting.

“Lewis, Kara,” a thrill of adrenaline rushed through me as the receptionist called my name. After reciting my birthday to confirm my identity, I was taken back to preop. I changed into a surgical gown and then lay down on a gurney while a nurse ran an IV to my arm and started saline. I thought about asking what happened once the arm was removed, but I figured it wasn’t worth the explanation.

For the next 10 minutes I stared at the clock. I hadn’t brought anyone with me. This was something to do for me, by myself. No partner, no friends. I had brought a bag with one change of clothes, my passport, and my phone. I thought about calling my friend Cory, but decided against it. No sense in getting anyone worried. As far as the outside world was concerned, I was on vacation.

I guess that wasn’t too far from the truth.

At 7 sharp, a couple of orderlies came in, checked my name and date of birth, and released the brakes on the gurney. They wheeled me out into the chilled hallway, and through the double doors into the operating room.

Inside the surgeon, the anesthesiologist, and several techs were waiting. A nurse placed a mask on my face and told me to count backwards from ten. A sweet, chemical smell filled my nostrils, and the world faded out.

* * *

It wasn’t the first time I’d had surgery, so the novelty of coming up from the anesthesia surprised me. Rather than the slow, heavy feeling I’d expected, it was like waking up from a nap. Disorienting, but in a cozy way. Nothing hurt. I hadn’t expected that. Probably the painkillers were still feeding in.

I tried to open my eyes, but my lids only twitched slightly. I heard one of the nurses say “You’re awake! The doctor will be in to see you soon. Everything went well, congratulations.”

I tried to reply, but my jaw moved jerkily and I had trouble forming words. The result was a disjointed grunt emerging from my mouth. But I could tell that I had a mouth, which was good.

The nurse left. I could hear his shoes squeaking off into the distance. As they faded, the thrum of the HVAC replaced it, and an occasional mechanical whirring near me. My eyes were still closed, and for the first time I noticed the green letters in the corner of my vision. Instinctively, I tried to look at them, but they moved with my eyes. After a time I was able to make them stay put long enough to look at them.

ARLINGTON ROBOTICS SYSTEMS

BANGOR, WASHINGTON, CASCADE REPUBLIC

I managed to open my eyes after a few minutes. At first it was all much too bright, everything blown to white, but after a few seconds my vision dimmed to a comfortable level. I focused on a tiny hole in the floating ceiling above. After a moment, I managed to zoom my vision in.

I marveled for a time at the detail in the ceiling. This mass-produced object, fiberglass and paper, contained so much beauty. How many times had I stared a ceiling like this without noticing?

The doctor came in and reaffirmed that everything had gone well. She told me that rehab would start in a few days, once my new body’s systems stabilized and adjusted to neural commands. I tried to smile but couldn’t manage to get my face to move right.

The doctor chuckled and plugged a display into a port on the back of my new neck. She held it up to me, and I watched as the words “What is this for?” appeared on it. She explained that until my vocal rehab started to kick in, this display would help me communicate.

She told me to raise my arms out to my sides. I struggled with this task for a moment before finally managing to do so. For the first time I got a look at the body I’d picked out from the inside.

Gray plating, seams that slid over each other, an unapologetically mechanical body. I’d wanted that. They’re getting good at synthetic skin these days, but I wanted to distance myself from humanity. There was nothing wrong with humanity, but it never spoke to me. I’d always been somewhat apart.

* * *

I slept most of that first day. The next day they let me eat. The bioprocessor seemed to be working, the staff said, but I should keep it light, and stick to carbs rather than fat and protein until the new tract could build up a sufficient biome to support those.

Odd as it sounds, it was 36 hours post-op before I realized I hadn’t peed. The charging station that I hooked into took care of filtration and detox of what little biomass I had left. I felt suddenly elated. I actually tried to get up out of bed, and promptly tripped over my own foot, smashing my face against a wall.

The nurses rushed in, worry on their faces, but I couldn’t stop laughing, and that’s when I heard my voice.

It wasn’t like my old voice. It wasn’t cold and computerized, but warm, and rich, like an old Roland Jupiter, full of dense harmonics, singing highs, and comforting, enveloping lows.

Soon I was sitting on the floor, sobbing. My eyes didn’t water anymore, but I still went through the motions. I held my gray plastic hands to my face, and touched them to my cheeks. I felt the subtle vibrations as motors moved my eyes around. I had never felt so happy, so myself. So real.

* * *

After a week I was able to clumsily walk around the hospital room, and they moved me to the recovery house. I met a few other converts there. There was a girl named Morgan from Seattle, a guy named Case from Kansas City, a few others. I mostly kept to myself.

I started speech therapy shortly after the move. Lots of reading convoluted sentences, but also singing, reading poetry, even some play-acting. I grew to love my voice. It was obviously synthetic, but that only made it feel more like a part of me.

Motor therapy was interesting. They asked me if I played any instruments. I told them I played bass. The therapist walked to a closet and returned with a bass made entirely out of carbon fiber. I asked why they made it from that, the therapist told me I’d see shortly, and handed me the Bass.

I immediately gripped the neck with far more force than I’d intended, denting the frets and the strings. I said I understood now.

Time flew. The solstice came and went, and by August I could speak clearly, play “Highway Star,” and wash my own chassis without damaging it. I could dress myself. I could walk without tripping over my feet.

On an evening in early August, I bade farewell to my fellow converts at the recovery house, and made my way to the train station. I could have taken a cab, or the bus, but I opted to walk. It was 8 miles and took all night, but I enjoyed every moment of it. Never tiring, stopping for food to recharge myself here and there at convenience stores and night markets.

I settled into my roomette for the trip back to Santa Cruz, looking out at Montevideo Bay. I saw my reflection in the window of my train, and for the first time, really took it in, with eyes that were my own.

[dewracle]

Hi! Could I request a fic where IV is y/n’s bf, and he owes Vessel a favor. And Vessel wants nothing more than to fuck y/n while he makes IV watch. Fem AFAB y/n please 🥰

The Debt That I Owe

PAIRING - IV x Reader, Vessel x Reader, Vessel x Reader x IV

WARNING - NSFW! Threesome F/M/M, Dom/Sub, Cuckolding, Overstimulation, Creampie, Kink Negotiation, Polyamory Negotiation, Switch IV, Dom Vessel, Mentions of Cock cages, Polyvess mentioned, Cumplay

AUTHOR'S NOTE - I've honestly sat on this request for so long that it's not funny. I struggled till I got inspo from my friends <3

WORD COUNT - 5782

Master List - Ao3

Vessel crowded IV into a corner, leaning over him with his arms caging the other in. His voice was smooth with a hint of a tease at the slightly shorter man in his grasp. IV growled softly, trying but failing to push Vessel off of him, fuck he had made a mistake. “Come on, you owe me… You know what I want.”

IV knew, knew that Vessel wanted you, his girlfriend. Wanted him to step away and allow him to fuck you in front of him, to take you apart while mocking the guitarist.

He grunted softly and tilted his head up, glaring deeply into Vessel’s eyes.

“If I don’t want to? Don’t wanna ask her?” IV retorted, now turning his pushing grip into a holding one.

The singer leaned down, getting closer to IV’s ear. He hummed softly and let out a breathy chuckle, “I can take you then.”

His breathing hitched as he shook his head, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. IV knew how Vessel was, the singer wasn’t afraid to take what he wanted in different ways and knew the singer wanted all of his mates.

He sighs softly and pulls Vessel closer, turning his head to ghost the mouth of his mask over Vessel’s ear. “I’ll ask her but what more do you want…”

Vessel shocked IV by running his hand up his chest, resting it gently around the guitarist’s throat. “You will watch. Watch me break her on my cock…”

IV nodded and pulled away from Vessel, slipping out from under his arms. The talk would be difficult but he could try.

Begrudgingly the guitarist had called you that night on the tour bus. It was completely normal for the two of you to talk but with the guilt of Vessel's request, the conversation weighed heavily on IV's mind. He feared your reaction, the silence he knew he'd receive on the other end of the line.

"Baby, can I ask you a serious question?" IV prompted while fidgeting with the string of his sweatpants. The bus hummed softly in the background as they traveled to the next city. They would be staying there for a couple of days to collect themselves.

You mumble a soft yes to his question, the time difference had always been something the two of you struggled with during tour. Yet your relationship pushed on and grew even stronger.

The soft yawn from your end of the line made IV chuckle softly, he had almost forgotten the time difference of nearly 8 hours. "Would you... I don't know how to ask this, shit"

His confession made you perk up slightly your normally confident boyfriend was stumped? The sounds of sheets rustling could be heard from IV's phone. He knew you were sitting up in bed, something you often did when you were getting serious. "What is it, love? What's wrong?"

Your question hung in the air while IV eyed the direction of Vessel's bunk. He knew the singer wasn't asleep but rather taking some time for himself. This made him even more nervous to ask but there was no time for him to be alone to do this.

"Vessel- He asked me to ask you something. You can always say no if you don't feel comfortable, okay?" IV stressed the ending while letting out a sigh of nervousness.

You paused and nodded before correcting yourself, "Yeah, uh, what did he wanna ask?"

It was clear you were hesitant about whatever was being asked, this wasn't normal at all. "He wants to fuck you..."

The call was silent like IV had expected, yet he didn't try to recover the conversation. This was something he needed you to think about without his anxious rambles.

"What else?" The seriousness and firmness in your voice surprised IV.

The fourth chuckled nervously and shrunk back into his pillow, fuck he didn't expect to get this far into the talk. "Well, he wants me to watch... I think maybe play with him afterward?"

You hummed softly while thinking. It was common knowledge that your relationship with IV was his primary relationship, he was also a part of a polycule with the others. He tended to keep it mostly platonic besides the occasional kiss on stage and touch. It was rather complicated but you never pushed.

This never bothered you, in truth, you had known about the others before your relationship even began yet still he always came to you for permission. Sometimes you'd joke you were his keeper and his relationship with the others was simply a friends-with-benefits thing.

"When? Your tour doesn't end for.." You pause to look at the calendar countdown on your phone, " Almost 24 days?"

IV hummed softly and thought about their schedule, they did have 2 days before their next show. He sighed softly and pulled the phone away from his ear to look up the fastest flights to the area they were traveling to.

"We have a small break, come then." His normal confidence coming back in that moment, of course, he'd suggest soon.

You laugh softly as your phone pings in your hand, a flight plan already being sent to you. You check the city and your nose turns up slightly yet you don't complain.

"I need to get some sleep if I'm going to catch this flight in the morning then." You mumble softly, your shared apartment buzzing with your excitement.

IV nodded and allowed you to hang up before he placed his phone on his bare chest. The sigh of relief was regretful as Vessel popped his head into the curtains of his bunk.

The man's unmasked eyes stared into IV's blue-gray ones, a soft, excited smile plastered on his face. The guitarist huffed and pushed Vessel back with a palm on his face.

"So I'm getting what's owed to me?" Vessel laughed as he moved back away from the annoyed IV.

"Yes! Now lay back down, Jesus!" IV huffed and rolled to face the wall. Just great, he was going to have to watch one of his best friends fuck his girlfriend.

###

Your back hit the soft fluffy mattress with a giggle. You had decided to make the most out of the short trip and get a hotel room that you could stay in. Well, truthfully, IV had demanded you allow him to book you a room near the band. He had said that you deserve your own privacy after and there was no way you could stay with him since he was roomed with III.

It didn't bother you since the room you were given was far enough away from everyone that no one would bother you. Plus due to being the partner of one of the band members, no one would mess with you because of security.

You sigh and roll over to grab your phone to check your messages. There were a few notifications from random socials such as Instagram but the one that caught your attention was a text from Vessel. Normally the singer would go through IV to talk to you but this was a direct message.

"Settled in yet?" The question was simple yet it made you blush. Of course he wanted to know, he was the one who had helped set up your room after all.

You pondered your response before sending a simple reply. "Yeah! Thank you for helping IV!"

Awkwardness radiated from your text message, of course; you were nervous. Yes, you were "friends" with the other members of the band but not as close as many would think.

Your nerves were knocked out of you as your hotel room door opened. You tensed up but relaxed when you noticed it was just your boyfriend coming in. The grimace on his face turned into a soft smile when he noticed you were wearing one of his old band t-shirts.

IV left the door cracked without your knowledge as he slipped into the room slowly. He kneeled on the bed and ran his hands up the back of your legs to your ass. "Hi love..."

You shudder as he squeezes your ass gently, the booty shorts you had put on after your shower doing little to protect you against his hungry glaze. IV flips you over, manhandling you so your legs are spread over his thick thighs. "I've missed you."

The soft yet heated tone of his voice made you shudder, fuck you had missed his touch. You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down into a gentle kiss. He returns it with love, slowly lowering his hips to rest on you.

The pressure against your core forced a gentle moan out of you against his lips. IV smiled into the kiss but gasped when your fingers trailed up into his hair, gently pulling at the thick dark locks.

The guitarist pulled away from you to prop himself on his elbows above you. The denim of his jeans rubbed roughly against the insides of your thighs. "You look so pretty like always, my sweet bunny."

You shudder and play with the hair at the nape of your boyfriend's neck. "And you look as handsome as always... Maybe even better. Tour does you good."

The two of you chuckle softly at your comment but it was true. IV had always looked so good while on tour, it took everything out of you not to fly to visit him more often.

“Well, you get me for a few days if you stay for the concert..” He mumbled softly as he leaned to place gentle kisses on your neck.

A soft sigh of relief leaves you as his kisses trail across your neck leaving thick, dark hickeys in his wake. You couldn’t help but smile lazily as you slowly ground your hips up against the other.

IV chuckles softly and pushes back, the slight bulge in his pants growing as the two of you lazily hump one another. He wanted to take his time, not knowing when he could have you again.

“Someone’s needy…” IV teased softly while one of his hands drifted under your shirt, reaching to cup your breast.

Your breathing hitches softly as his grip on your breast tightens. A soft pathetic whine releases from your mouth, and you can't help but feel needy after so long of not having your partner.

"So are you," You moan softly while pulling at IV's hair. "I can feel how hard you are against me."

The guitarist grunts as you pull his hair and shoots you a soft warning glare. You couldn't help but laugh softly as he tried to intimidate you with his pretty eyes.

An impatient look falls over his face as he sits up on his knees to carefully slip his hands under the legs of your shorts. You raise an eyebrow and open your mouth to speak but are cut off by your own shocked moan.

IV's fingers brushes gently against your clit under your loose shorts. His thumb presses gently at the bud with a soothing intoxicating circle. "What's wrong, love? Gonna brat off to me again?"

You shake your head while tensing your legs to push yourself up against his thumb. Your boyfriend notices and gives you a cocky smile, he knows he has you right where he wants. Under his thumb, moaning his name so perfectly.

He applies the tiniest bit more pressure as his other hand drifts to your weeping hole. IV's rough pointer finger brushes over it, testing just how wet you were already from simple teasing.

"Fuckin drenched like a slag already aren't ya?" His accent getting thicker with arousal, Christ it was heaven on earth.

IV shifts his hands away as the ache in his cock gets to be too much. The bulge tenting his jeans so perfect for you.

Once you were able to catch your breath you whined softly at the removal of his hands. "IV- Don't tease me... Need you so fucking bad."

The fourth chuckles and coos at you softly while stripping you of your shorts and panties. His fingers leave goosebumps in their wake as they pull the barriers away. IV groans softly at the sight of your glistening cunt.

You attempt to squirm your hips in his direction, to get your lover to touch rather than just stare at you. Needy whimpers and mewls fall from your mouth. The old band T-shirt running up just over your chest to give IV just a glimpse of your pretty tits.

"IV I need you- Need you to take my cunt please..!" You whine loudly while reaching down to spread your pussy lips with your fingers. The sticky slick sticking to your fingers as your cunt pulses with need.

IV clenches his hands as he takes a deep breath to calm down, he doesn’t want to accidentally hurt you by taking you too quickly.

But he doesn’t have the option to do anything. The door he had 'forgotten to close' all the way creaks open as heavy footsteps enter the hotel room.

Your body tenses and you quickly search for something to cover yourself with. Who the hell would just walk into your hotel room? Wasn't this floor rented out by the band and management?

"Looks like you started without me, hm? Poor things are so needy~" You knew that voice; a voice you've heard countless times.

With wide eyes, you look at IV as he leans over you in an attempt to cover you. The defeated look on his face was clear as Vessel stepped beside the bed. He wore a shit-eating grin and his beaten Alpha Wolf hoodie.

"Isn't it lovely to see you, darling." The singer coos at you gently, his smirk growing into a full-on smile when he notices your shorts tossed to the side.

IV places his forehead on your shoulder, his body fully covering yours to hide you away. The sigh from his mouth gave away how frustrated yet defeated the man truly was. "Vess, why now? Why can't I have this one thing."

You were confused as you slowly dragged a blanket over your still throbbing cunt. It was awkward trying to over yourself from your boyfriend's best friend, the same best friend who said he wanted to fuck you.

The thought of Vessel fucking you caused you to whimper softly, the idea of someone's cock plunging in and out of your sweet hole turning you on.

The two men look at you as you whimper, IV sitting up quickly while Vessel tilts his head with pride. "Oh fuck off! You can't expect me not to still be horny when I haven't been fucked in a while!"

Your confession causes the guitarist to smile and Vessel to chuckle quietly. A blush rises on your face as the singer kneels on the bed beside you, inviting himself into your space. Your breathing hitches as IV shifts the blanket away from you.

The frantic yet aroused look on your face catches Vessel's eye. "Hey, look we don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

"I know we asked but if you're second-guessing it's completely fine love." IV gently explains to you while cupping your cheek. The overwhelming amount of comfort and reassurance caused a soft plea to escape your mouth.

You shift up onto your elbows, completely ignoring the fact your cunt was now bare for Vessel to see if he chose to. "Not second guessing, just nervous you know? Gonna fuck my boyfriend's best friend."

Vessel chuckles softly and sits on the bed with his legs crossed. The grey sweatpants he's wearing do little to hide the twitch of his cock. It was clear your words had a small effect on the man.

"I don't mind, you know darling? Couldn't have let anyone else" IV spoke as he ran his rough palms up your inner thigh, squeezing hard enough for a bruise. You suck in a deep breath of air and throw your head back.

Fuck you were actually about to fuck the lead singer with your boyfriend, his guitarist, watching.

Unintentionally you spread your thighs open further across IV's lap, your body needing and craving more touch. The soft throb of your clit proved to you just how horny you were for these men. "Fuck please, Christ, I need something, anything!"

"Move." Vessel demands. His tone left no room for disobedience and IV knew this.

Your boyfriend pulls himself away from you quickly, scrambling to get off the bed out of fear of punishment. The action pulled a soft whine from you. You had said you wanted more yet he was pulling away?

Your attention was brought back to Vessel as he snapped his fingers, pointing to the nearby chair. "Sit boy." Oh. Oh you understood now.

If you were not soaking wet before, you were now. You had never seen your mostly dominant boyfriend being controlled so easily. This was what Vessel had been hiding behind those soft smiles.

"As for you pretty girl, is it okay if I touch you?" The singer asks softly. You nod your head, slightly breathless as the man crawls between your legs.

Vessel was so careful as he inspected your body, taking in all your beauty. You couldn't help but squirm at his attention, to try and cover yourself pathetically with your hands. Even though IV had always had such an intense gaze when he was touching you, this was something new.

"Fuck, Vess, she's soaked for you" IV offhandedly mentioned while scooting the chair closer.

You wanted to react, to thank your dom but Vessel was already on top of it. "And she's all mine tonight, isn't that right princess?"

The whiplash between how Vessel treated you and IV made you blush. He was being so gentle with you yet so harsh with IV. You couldn't help the soft "Yes sir" that fell from your mouth.

Vessel's lustful smirk made you whimper softly, it felt as though he was eating you alive with just his eyes. He seemed to enjoy the soft sounds you made because his large hand gently pushed yours away. He uncovered your cunt, your pussy grool dripping onto the bed underneath you.

You can hear IV take a deep breath at the sight, he seemingly eye fucking you as well. It was difficult not to shy away from both of the men's heated looks. "Are we just looking tonight...?"

You yelp softly as Vessel slaps your thigh, reprimanding you for your smart mouth. "And here I thought you'd be a sweet thing for me."

He rubs over the reddened skin to soothe the gentle pain. Vessel's hands slowly moved closer to your cunt from its place on your inner thigh. Finally, you were going to get what you craved so desperately.

"I'm sorry sir..." You smile softly and spread your legs further, "How can I make it up to you?"

The singer knew what you were hoping for, knew you were trying to egg him on to fuck you sooner. Your pretty soft eyes, those kissed red lips, you were using your beauty to get what you wanted. Yet he didn’t cave in like your dear boyfriend normally would.

“Sit back and keep looking pretty,” Your smile dropped slightly, “Gonna have IV get me nice and hard for you, yeah?”

Oh but you couldn’t help the groan that ripped from your throat, nor could IV as he shifted excitedly in his chair. You’ve never seen the two play with one another so you were excited to see how IV would handle Vessel.

Vessel lazily looked in IV’s direction, “Wet me, boy.”

You spread your legs more to prepare to move thinking IV would need space. Yet the hand on your thigh gripped tighter and Vessel shot you a look that made another wave of slick dribble from your cunt.

“Jesus fuck sir…” IV mumbles while he crawls to kneel beside you and Vessel. He leans down carefully, face flushed red when his eyes catch yours.

Vessel, getting impatient with the slow movements of your boyfriend, fisted the other’s hair. He roughly pulls him closer to his cock while staring deeply into your eyes.

“Enjoying the show, my darling?” Vessel teased before he felt IV’s soft lips wrap around his tip.

Your eyes widen as IV’s soft mewls fill the room. It was common knowledge IV knew how to suck cock yet you’d never seen it with your own eyes. The cocky man you love, your dom, your hunter was reduced to a cock hungry whore just like you.

Vessel noticed your reaction and smirked pridefully. The man was ruining everything about your expectations in the best way. His large hand squeezes your inner thigh and inches closer to your cunt.

Your breathing hitches as he traces the seam of your pussy lips. Vessel groaned from the wetness of your cunt and IV’s mouth. “Two needy subs at my disposal…”

Vessel’s fingers easily work their way down to your hole, he gathers the slick steadily dripping from you. You have to bite your lip to stop from moaning out as those skilled fingers slowly breach you.

Your legs twitch to close but you are stopped by IV’s hand on your thigh. His grip was tight as he forced you to take in Vessel’s fingers.

“Fuck! Your- oh my god, your fingers…” You squirm as Vessel crooks them upwards, curling them repeatedly.

His hips buck into IV’s mouth at your moan, the singer not being able to help himself from the pleasure. He wanted to feel your wet cunt wrapped around him soon. “My fingers? They feel that good to you?”

He teases a third finger into you as your body begins to shake. Vessel curses as IV swallows around him. Your boyfriend knew from your moans just how much you were enjoying yourself, just how wet you were. It didn’t help that the soft squishing sounds of your cunt were coupled with the gagging of his throat. Vessel almost couldn’t help himself.

He yanks IV off of his cock, groaning loudly as he curls in on himself. The singer’s cock throbbed painfully due to denying himself the satisfaction of coming.

IV lets out a soft whine as he chases after Vessel's throbbing cock. "Sweet boy, go sit back down while I take what’s owed to me."

You shiver with wide eyes at how easily Vessel was able to control IV, his lips were bruised red from the intense sucking. It made you crave kissing IV in hopes of tasting Vessel’s cock on his tongue.

You moan softly and relax into the sheets as Vessel pushes one of your thighs upward to give himself better access to your cunt.

Both of the men couldn’t help the soft groans they let out. IV’s was needy as his cock throbbed in his pants and Vessel’s was needy from the way your pussy lips gently parted for him.

“Sir- Fuck, please come on, fuck me.” You pleaded while fisting the sheets tighter.

Your pleas only make Vessel chuckle as he spits on your cunt. You jump slightly before moaning loudly as the thick saliva slides down to your open hole.

“Only because you beg so beautifully, princess.” Vessel muses as he grips his cock almost painfully tight.

He shuffles closer to your cunt before collecting his spit with his tip. The action made you shudder with a soft, breathy moan, the tip of his prick teasing at your hole so deliciously. “Your cunt is trying to suck me in already..”

You keen and push your hips down, subsequently forcing the tip of Vessel’s cock inside of you. You gasp at the penetration and your legs begin to shake from the simple pleasure. While IV’s cock was big, Vessel’s felt bigger.

It burned, the stretch forcing your walls apart further than ever before. And, oh, did it fuel Vessel’s pride as he slid further into your soaking wet pussy.

“Oh, look IV, she’s struggling to take my prick. Maybe it’s because she’s finally getting a real man’s dick in her.” Vessel chuckles sadistically before it is cut off with a grunt. His teasing had made you tighten around him almost painfully.

IV took a deep breath to calm himself, Vessel’s teasing and your soft moans edginghim on. His grip on the chair tightened as Vessel pushed deeper into you.

Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as Vessel completely slid into you. The soft squish of your cunt caused the singer to shudder.

“Fucking hell... Her cunt is so damn good. Might have to steal you for myself, princess.” Vessel teased while thumbing at your clit to ease your discomfort.

You arched your back and squirmed from the intense fullness coupled with the pleasure. “Oh god… move.. please”

Vessel couldn’t help but smile and slowly pull out of your pussy. His cock now coated with a thin layer of your juices. “Beautiful girl, taking all of my cock like you were made for it. Made for me.”

He pushes back into you, starting a rough pace. His filthy words cloud your mind as the presence of your boyfriend floats away. It was you and the man between your legs, his cock forcing its way into you and molding you for him.

“She’s already fucked stupid IV, fucking gagging for it.” Vessel groans lowly as he shifts closer to you. He grabs your jaw and forces you to look in the direction of IV.

The fourth sat with a tight grip on the chair, cock clearly straining against his pants and leaving a small dark spot from pre. You moan at the sight, your eyes clouded over as your cunt pulses around Vessel’s throbbing prick.

“Look at him. Sitting there watching me fucking ruin you. Got that dumb dog look on his face.” Vessel whispers harshly in your ear before kissing down your neck.

You moan loudly and then cut off into a silent scream as the singer sinks his sharp teeth into you. Your hands fling to grab Vessel’s shirt to hold him closer to you. The pain was blinding as was the pleasure.

“Fuck! Please, please sir, please!” You begged and babbled. Your legs wrapped around Vessel and his hand.

He chuckled as he pulled away from the bite mark, a line of spit connecting him to you. “Please what? Tell me what you want princess..”

IV’s gruff voice shocked your system, all your training keeping you strung high for him. “She wants to cum, Vessel... Give her permission to soak you.”

It was Vessel’s turn to moan at IV’s words. He had never heard him talk so filthy about you, he fucking loved it.

“You wanna cum on my cock, yeah?” Vessel grunts while shifting his hips to target your g spot.

All of the air was knocked out of you as your body began to shake with need. “Yes sir! Please, need to cum, please!”

Your pathetic babbles grew louder as you shook your head from side to side, no amount of restraint would stop you from coming soon. Vessel could tell, could feel the way your cunt tried to push him out. He gave a feral grin before quickly sitting up to give IV a better view of his cock plunging in and out of your needy pussy.

“Cum for us.” Vessel demands with a thick groan.

And that was all the permission you needed. Your orgasm racked over your body with deep waves of pleasure. Your cunt pushing Vessel’s cock out of it to soak him in your squirt.

As you moaned and shook, Vessel’s fingers never left your clit, dragging your orgasm out for longer. Yet once it died down, he slotted his cock right back inside of you.

IV’s eyes widened as he went to stand up; he knew you were exhausted and would be needy for love afterward. “Sit down boy. She can handle it. Already begging for more.”

Vessel commanded heavily as he chased his own orgasm. And he was correct, your body screamed for more, screamed to be filled and fucked.

“Yes yes yes! Thank you soo fucking much! Thank you sir!” You scream and claw at Vessel’s sides. The overstimulation hadn’t yet kicked in and as long as he removed his thumb from your clit, you could continue.

A deep shudder that racked through Vessel’s body as he removed your legs from his waist and placed them on his shoulders. He was drunk off of your cunt and loved every single second of it. He had never had pussy this good.

“See boy, look at how she’s taking it. Sweet girl is enjoying herself. Getting that cunt fucked and used by a real cock.” Vessel moans out in pleasure, his own orgasm swirling closer to the brink.

IV whines softly and spreads his legs to hopefully relieve some of the pressure on his cock. He wanted his turn so bad but.. would he even get it?

Vessel gasps loudly as you clench down on his cock, your cunt spasming slightly as your hole is used and abused. “Fuckin! Shit can I cum in you?”

You keen and try pulling him closer to you, fisting his shirt to bring him into a deep kiss. Vessel’s moans are muffled against your lips as he tenses up. His thrusts become erratic and desperate.

Fuck it turned you on, your boyfriend’s soft whines, the cock deep inside of you, and the breathy moans against your lips.

“Cum in me sir… paint my insides white..” You whisper against Vessel’s lips while giving him one last moan of encouragement.

The singer’s hips jerk roughly and he buries himself in your warmth. His thick seed spilling into you and coating you as his. “God yes, fucking take it.. Take all of my cum beautiful..”

You let out an exhausted giggle as Vessel slowly pulls out of you. His cum slowly oozing out of you and onto the bed as Vessel sat back on his heels. IV stood behind Vessel and admired the mess that was you.

“Fuck.. she’s beautiful,” IV muttered softly while leaning his head on Vessel’s shoulder.

The singer wrapped his fingers through IV fluffy hair just enjoying his afterglow. “She is, isn’t she… Bet you want some.”

You flush even deeper from embarrassment and slowly try to close your thighs, you weren’t used to this much attention on your swollen cunt.

“Stop staring..” You whine while trying to pull a blanket over yourself. Yet your hand was stopped by IV as Vessel shifted out of the way.

The guitarist stared down at you hungrily while prying your legs back open. He rips a yelp from your tired throat as he forces his pants down to expose his red throbbing cock.

Vessel shifts behind you, gently gathering your upper half in his lap while he strokes your hair. “Think you can go again? Take him after I’ve bred you?”

Teary-eyed you look between Vessel and IV with adoration; you wanted to please but you were unsure if your body could handle anymore.

Slowly you reach down to gently take IV in your hand, his groan of frustration and the soft “Fuck” encouraged you to attempt.

“Try.. but I’m not sure if I can..” You whisper and nuzzle your cheek into Vessel’s thigh. You craved being good for the men, craved pleasuring the both of them.

“No,” IV grunts and pulls away from you. He could tell you’d reached your limit for the night. Your lover knew your body and knew you were pushing himself.

You whine loudly and try pulling IV closer by his cock. Vessel chuckles softly and runs his hand down your arm, carefully prying your fingers away from IV’s cock.

“He’ll get pleasure one way or another.. Just relax sweetheart” Vessel cooed while rubbing at your sides.

His eyes flick up to IV’s intense ones, the small stare-off causing you to squirm. With a soft huff, you drag IV’s hand down to your cunt. His eyes shoot to your face with a quick questioning look.

“Use the cum leaking out of me to get yourself off…” and oh, did Vessel like your suggestion. The soft moan and shudder from the man underneath you gave away just how much he loved the statement.

Your lover groans loudly and scoops Vessel’s leaking cum out of your cunt. Almost begrudgingly he wraps his hand around his prick, smearing it up and down.

Both yours and Vessel’s eyes follow intensely as IV focuses on his tip, twisting his palm around the head before dropping down around his shaft. His groans were deep and desperate, clearly needing more than just what he was getting.

“The pup can’t cum by himself anymore? That pretty cock struggling?” Vessel teases and reaches to drag him forward.

You were caught in the middle of the men leaning over you to kiss sloppily. Your clit twitched with interest but nothing more. Never had you thought that watching your boyfriend make out with his best friend would arouse you so.

“Don’t disappoint our girl, add your cum to her wet cunt.” Vessel whispers against IV’s lips.

The fourth sped up his hand, stroking his cock roughly, just trying to reach the end. You hum softly and reach for his balls, gently taking them in your hand and rolling them.

The combination of your hands on his balls and Vessel’s hand slowly wrapping around his throat causes IV to gasp and whine. His hips stutter into your grip as he coats his hand and your cunt with his cum.

You giggle softly as IV and Vessel pull away from their kiss, both relaxing and breathing deeply.

“Ah~ fucking hell, that was better than I expected..” IV laughs and runs his clean hand through his hair.

You hum in agreement as Vessel shifts to dig through his pocket. “Yeah, didn’t think your girl would have such a beautiful O face.”

You blush brightly and sit up to prepare to clean up. The sound of metal caught your attention as Vessel pulled out a metal cock cage out of his pocket. Your eyes go wide as you tilt your head, “Vess..”

IV curses and tries to get off the bed but Vessel quickly snatches him by the shirt collar. “She gets a key and I get a key… 24 hours... And if she wants to cum it’s your mouth or my cock..”

A small key was pressed into your hand as you laid to the side, a wave of excitement rushed through you. Maybe you should join them on tour more often.

[5-htagonist]

2, 7, 18 for kabru plz 🥺

i will apologize in advance i got like 5 of the most inconsistent hours of sleep so i dont know if i even make sense. More than i usually dont know LOL

2: favorite canon thing about this character

tldr: his trauma complexes and the way that drives his character

obligatory "autism" answer to be honest. no but in all seriousness kui is really really good at portraying people in accordance to their trauma/background and kabru is no different... being intimately familiar (married) to someone with ptsd, it makes kabru hit home in a lot of ways. i LOVE that he comes off as creepy to those that are close to him! i love his dissociative symptoms and his panicking. ive been doing (loose spare time) research on the correlations/potential causations of personality disorders and other trauma complexes (dissociative identity, ptsd, sometimes ocd, etc etc etc) that can arise specifically from the way people who are neurodivergent from birth are treated by others. i love the clear line from utaya (caused kabrus ptsd), his adoption (perfect circumstance for a knowledge seeker), his special interest, and his cluster b tendencies ("i have to mask, lie, or otherwise be dishonest to meet my physical/psychological needs. i have to yell to be heard by myself and others."). i think you can see from the way he reacts to going to milsirils family reunion that his interest in people isnt solely due to trauma-- that gathering has nothing to do with taking down dungeons. but it takes that path because the hole caused by kabrus trauma is a need that milsiril cant fulfill. so he has to do it himself. it is uniquely traumatizing to suffer from survivors guilt, specifically. HES JUST SO COOL!!!! <3 <3

of course im not saying like. Kabru Specifically Being Diagnosed With PTSD Is Canon because the term ptsd is a collection of traits that weve lumped together with one term that typically responds to the same set of treatment, but trauma is universal and ptsd is excellent shorthand for kabrus trauma responses!

7: something the fandom does with this character that you like

i love when he isnt portrayed as Knowing Everything. i love when hes portrayed like a little bit of a dumbass sometimes. i also really love the way a lot of people portray his dynamic with laios, especially when its kabru getting to experience his emotions in a relatively stable environment and laios is there to support him. ALSO i love that Kabru Marcille Friendship seems to be agreed upon

18: relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire

... i Mean. i dont mean to be TOO obvious but his relationship with laios... ouuughhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! FUN FACT! exposure therapy is actually like. HIGHLY effective for people with obsessive-compulsions, phobias, or other aversions!! this is not due to the simple fact of being exposed to it, however. kabru retraumatizes himself this way-- he risks his life for the uncontrolled exposure to the familiarity of his trauma. a big motivator for him is his survivors guilt. this isnt exposure therapy, its just exposure.

what makes exposure therapy effective is understanding. its understanding you wont get every disease if you dont wash your hands when youre compelled to, understanding not all spiders are dangerous and that we have an evolutionary fear response.

kabru is bad at recognizing his needs. he chases the need to understand monsters by resolving to adventure dungeons. he makes this decision as a kid. its like he knows he needs to understand monsters on some level, but no one else sees monsters as complex beings, no one gives the time of day to understanding them. so instead he interprets this motivation solely as a desire to end monsters and dungeons. upon his observation of laios though, seeing someone who doesnt act like everyone else, who is a really good leader regarding progress in the dungeon, its like he subconsciously chases his need to understand, while consciously seeing laios as concerning.

all this to say, i admire so much that laios can provide kabru a safe, human place to understand monsters, when hes ready. laios can expose him to the monstrous while preventing reckless, unprepared exposure. this story is so damn cool through my psychology special interest goggles lol...

honorary mentions: his relationship with rin. i admire rin, because dear fuck how do you make it through what she did and still speak at all let alone leave your room?? and their relationship i admire not because its crazy healthy or good for either of them but because it is a testament to their strength as people. i dont remember rn if any of their interactions as kids are shown but i presume kabru was just insanely kind and patient. you have to be to befriend someone so traumatized. their relationship kills me, because they clearly have a deep respect for each other, but rin probably has more emotional problems than kabru does regarding forging relationships. gwohhhh...

lastly, i like his minor relationship with toshiro lol its interesting how they seem to gravitate to each other if theyre both in a scene! and i really enjoy when kabru brutally talks sense into toshiro regarding falins revival. obviously, they dont have much interaction to go off of, but i like to think the combo of kabru being able to empathize so strongly with toshiro AND be honest about the situation at the same time are probably pretty refreshing for him, where he typically either gets minimal empathy and intense honesty from laios, or intense cognitive empathy-driven assumptions about what he wants or needs or how to interact with him. having someone who is genuinely adept at the mask and cognitive empathy out of his own choice, rather than social pressure, but also isnt scared to say it like it is... well itd do toshiro some good if they stay friends post canon imo!

[levi501ackerman]

That Day | Levi x Reader Angst

masterlist

Summary: Ever since That Day . . . Anytime you became lucid, Levi spent all the time with you that you could offer him.

Word Count: 10.1k ( about 50 mins to read)

Megan's Note: This popped into my head the other day and I had tunnel vision to write this. I have written 90% of Part 3 of Allegiance. I decided to write this in one part and it's not entirely proof read cuz now that I am done I need to focus on finals LMAO. Posted: 5/2/24

TRIGGER WARNING: torture, scars, mentions of underweight. (please lmk if there's anything else I should add because I've never written anything this dark.) It's supposed to be angsty AF. Please know I did my best and I understand for having medical stuff wrong or something unrealistic. Enjoy and lmk if you cried cuz I cried.

“This will not be discussed again,” Levi said firmly to the girl in front of his desk. She was frustrated and tearing up. Her dark hair was long and the girl had her arms crossed. Levi started pretending to read, hoping the girl would get the idea to leave. Annoyance crept up because the girl was still in front of Levi. He had nothing left to say. “Please, leave. I don’t want to discuss anything un-scout-related with you.” The girl sighed and headed toward the door. Before she could get near the threshold, there was a knock from outside.  

“Captain Levi, It’s Eren Jaeger.” The voice said behind the door. The girl glanced at Levi and then opened the door for him. Eren’s eyebrows were furrowed and raised, his eyes alert. Then suddenly dropped to confusion, “Oh hey Grace,” She walked passed without greeting him. Eren’s anxious tone returned, he was slightly sweaty and out of breath from dashing to the Captain’s office. “It’s Y/N. She’s lucid.” Levi looked at Eren, he slowly started rising from his desk. Engaged and forgetting anything else he was focused on. 

Hange and Moblit with a clipboard stood against the wall in an attempt to stay out of the way. They were quietly listening to the girl behind the curtain groan. A nurse could be heard trying to get the girl to drink water, but she kept rejecting the offer. The girl kept mentioning how cold she was. Hange had not visited Y/N in a few weeks. At the end of each lucid episode, it was filled with nothing but frustration and guilt. If only things went differently. Levi and a few others should be here any moment. The door opened and Sasha entered, quietly. She knew the protocol, she stood next to Moblit near the door and silently greeted Hange and Moblit. 

“NO! No, please! I don’t want shots!” Hange could hear you hoarsely beg. Hange breathed deeply. She thought to herself, you’re in the room. We are safe. “Can we wait?! Please, no!” You screamed. Behind the curtain, the nurse softly reassured you and asked you to lower your voice. 

“I think we’ll start as normal, have Doctor Winston Yates and Levi assess Y/N, and go off based on this first hour,” Hange whispered. Moblit and Sasha nodded. “I assumed Mikasa has been reminded of her role?” Sasha nodded again. The door opened again and Dr. Yates walked in. He gave Hange, Sasha, and Moblit a thumbs-up with a big smile. The older man brought a warm presence. He lively strode behind the curtains.

“Y/N! Good to see you awake . . . she’s on IV fluids?” He loudly greeted you. 

“Yes,” the nurse said. 

“Tell me how you feel right now, don’t hold back on me!” His chuckle is probably what you needed to hear. You didn’t hear much laughter anymore. 

“I’m tired . . .” You said softly. The door opened once again with Levi hastily entering the room, he glanced at the three and then went behind the curtain. Eren entered and held the door until it closed with a quiet click. “Levi!” You said and Levi sat in the chair next to your bed. You reached out your hand. He sat down and with a soft embrace he held your hand. 

“Y/N, how do you feel?” He asked in a low voice. 

“Good, I want to sit outside.” Levi smiled and Dr. Yates and the nurse laughed.

“That’s what we want to hear!” The nurse said.

“We can go outside, later,” Levi assured.

“We need to give her a shot, she’s on her usual IV with concentrated vitamins and minerals.” The nurse said lowly to Levi and Dr. Yates. You panicked and jerked away from the nurse. You couldn’t get far with the straps still clamping down your ankles. But you moved as close to Levi as you could. He wrapped an arm around you and then looked you in the eyes.

“Just a shot it’ll be over really quick.” Levi whispered.

“I’ll need her arm.” Levi freed you and held your hand with both of his. The nurse rubbed your arm and you felt the cool sensation. You closed your eyes. “Okay and you’re done.” 

“What!? I didn’t even feel it,” You said.

“There you go! Next time, bump her TPN to 2 liters,” Dr. Yates said, looking at your arms. 

“See nothing to worry about.” Levi said and you smiled at him. “Let’s brush your teeth and clean yourself a little then we can sit outside.” 

5th Debriefing Session:

Hange glanced at her notes before speaking. She sat in a comfortable chair at a table where the survey corps typically held meetings. Dr. Yates, Levi, Commander Erwin and Moblit sat at the table and turned their attention to Hange. Hange hated the debriefings. All of them did They only happened at the end of your lucid episodes. 

“According to this recent episode, Y/N stayed lucid for four days. Her 2nd longest lucid. This time she was showing a more closed off demeanor. She only wanted to socialize with Levi, Sasha Brause, Dr. Yates, and Eren Jaeger. She was opposed to physical touch except for Levi . . .” She looked at her clipboard and sniffled. “My hypothesis was correct that when Y/N showed signs of starting to revert and feel triggered, Sasha’s presence made Y/N feel safe. Twice during this episode, Y/N started screaming and Sasha was introduced and Y/N appeared to calm down and eventually went back to a neutral state. And like Dr. Yates mentioned in his therapy debriefing, Y/N is showing signs of improvement.”

“Day by day. She’s getting better,” Dr. Yates said to Levi. Levi was looking down at his lap. He hated these sessions too even though they were important. Though he did recognize signs of improvement, he felt defeated every time you got triggered. Guilt shredded him, as he went through the past seven months without you fully. Levi wanted you to live life with him.

“White pants or black pants?” Levi asked you, holding up both pairs. 

“Black.” For the first month after That Day, the pinstriped scars on your legs triggered you. As they healed and were less bloody, scabby and painful they didn’t visually trigger you anymore. That was the first success from Dr. Yates working with you. Levi went behind the curtain and pulled it behind him to give you some privacy. It was now only you two in the cold room. When you pulled back the curtain slowly you let out an unsure sound. “Um . . .” Levi looked over at you looking down at your big pants. His heart dropped, but wasn’t going to let you see his disappointment in you losing more weight.

“We’ll eat soon. Try rolling it.” He said.

“What?” He approached you and grabbed the pants and folded it down so the waist wouldn’t fall down. Levi couldn’t help but catch your eyes. He wanted to kiss you, but to him you were so fragile. You kissed him on the cheek and it elated him how lovingly you were this time. He wrapped one arm around you and squeezed you.

4th Debriefing Session:

 “Y/N’s overall behavior this episode . . .” Hange said and then let out a sigh. “Was . . .” 

“Aggressive.” Levi said. 

 Hange held two bowls of hearty soups with bread. One bread had an excessive amount of butter on it and in one of the bowls there was extra oil in the soup. She carefully walked with the meals in her hand. Moblit was next to her with the clipboard. 

“With the extra butter and oils, I’d track probably a thousand calories for this meal. If we can get her to eat again later, I’ll call that a success.” Hange said and Moblit was writing on the clipboard in his hand. They walked outside of the dining hall and saw you and Levi in the distance. You were sitting on a bench under a tree facing away. 

“Section Commander, her bread is as wet as the soup.” Moblit said, eyeing the pound of butter on your slice of bread. 

“ . . . I’ll do anything to have her be healthy again . . .” Hange said. Birds flew away from the tree Levi and you were sitting under. She sighed. Moblit looked at her and recognized her anguished expression.

“Don’t be hard on yourself. Torture trauma could take multiple years to recover from . . .” Moblit said.

“ . . . I just think about . . . only if . . .” Hange stared at the grass in front of her. Then she recognized the beauty of that moment. You were lucid and cooperative. Moblit was right to not be hard on herself. It was a good day because of the sun and the slight breeze. It has been Months since you were outside. Not only that, you wanted to go outside. Inbetween most of your lucid episodes, you were sedated, because you wouldn’t stop screaming or kicking. Your vocal cords would get shredded and you would lose your voice. “Good Morning, Levi! Y/N! Are you hungry?” Hange found it deep inside her to sound joyful. You whipped your head around toward the voice. You gasped excitedly and jogged toward Hange. Levi walked toward the three after.

“For me?” You asked.

“If you won't eat it, I will.” Hange bent a little to your height with a smile. Levi took the two bowls from Hange. When the food was out of the way you hugged Hange and she froze out of shock then embraced you lovingly. She hadn’t received a hug from you in a while. You seemed excited for her to be around. You hugged for more than five seconds and when you realized Hange wasn’t going to pull away you did.

“Thank you for the food!” You said, “Come sit with us!” You grabbed Hange’s wrist and pulled her toward the bench. “You too Moblit”. When you looked back, you saw him writing on his clipboard and then he grinned at you. When you got to the bench Levi handed you the bowl with the extra oils and butter. “Oh . . . I don’t think there’s room on the bench.” You scooted all the way next to Levi and assessed if Hange could fit in the small space. 

“Oh no worries—”

“Levi, get up.” You said and he obeyed, which Hange laughed. Levi faced you while still standing next to you. He didn’t want to leave your presence or miss anything you did. Hange sat down next to you. 

“She’s been asking about you,” Levi said to Hange then sipped his soup. Hange was certainly intrigued especially since the last time was not a good experience with you. She felt a sliver of hope.

“Have you been missing me?!” She asked. It was an eye opener for her, the last two months were not physically good for your health. Her heart dropped analysing you, you were skinny, looked dull and genuinely tired. She regretted not visiting you enough.

“Yes, I feel so . . . out of it. Like I woke up from the longest dream . . .” You said. Then took a spoonful of soup making sure to get a little bit of the chicken onto the spoon. 

“She was talking about the time you were teaching her how to braid hair.” Levi said. 

“Hmm. Are you sure that was me?” Hange asked.

“Oh well, I thought it was you, maybe not.” You laughed. 

“Hey, eat before it gets cold,” Levi said, tapping your ankle lightly with his foot.

“Yeah. Yeah. I just want to talk to Hange.” You said.

“Awe, you’re so cute. But Levi’s right, you wouldn’t want your food to get cold.” Hange said.  

“Could you have put any more butter on this bread?” You laughed and Hange laughed it off.

“Try it like this,” She took your bread and dunked it in the soup. The bread was dripping in broth, butter and oil. You took the soaked bread and attempted to take a bite out of it without dripping on yourself. 

5th Debriefing Session:

“Yes, day by day, Y/N is getting better. My only concern is that she stopped having an interest in eating. Levi informed me that she would push around her food and barely drink water. I sat a table over and noticed two evenings in a row she only took a few bites.” Hange read from her notes. “However, I noticed the start of a trend. She always finished a bowl of soup. Perhaps at least one of the meals for the day needs to be soup.”

“We can start a total parenteral nutrition IV when sedated. Then adjust the dosage.” Dr. Yates said and wrote the note down. 

“Great. Another thing I wanted to talk about which I mentioned before was her social behavior . . .” Hange took a deep breath then focused on her notes. “Y/N had a small improvement from her last episode. This episode Y/N wasn’t against socializing. Besides the few previously mentioned she seemed fearful or hesitant around some friends. I do not want to describe her as shy, just . . . disinterested.” Hange choked and then took another deep breath.

Levi stared at the books on the bookshelf. He couldn’t look at his friend.

“How are you?” You asked Levi. “You are more quiet today.” He smiled, grabbed your hand and lifted to kiss the back of your palm. The four of you were on a short walk. You were unknowingly walking toward your next few tests. Hange was on the other side of you with Moblit on her side. A few scouts would walk past and greet Levi. He ignored them.

“I’m at peace being with you.” He said softly knowing moments are fleeting. You thought he was being cute. You stepped in front of him, wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him. It took him by surprise. But you were giving him a pleasure he wasn’t going to deny. He kissed you again, deeply and he thought how there is just no one else in his life he wanted. Levi was willing and planning on being patient for the time it took you to heal. Years. Decades. You made it through That Day. Levi knew you were worth the time to heal. He knew that healing was not linear. He intended to be with you for all of your moments. He remembered something and reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out your ring. “I cleaned it.” He grabbed your left hand and slid the ring on your left ring finger. Then he warmly smiled at you, gazing at his special girl. “Someday when you are healthy, we’ll get married . . .” Levi realized they were out in the open in public and glanced towards Moblit and Hange. Moblit was writing on his clipboard and Hange was acting like the bowls she was holding was the most interesting thing. He clasped your hand and continued walking, Hange and Moblit slowly trailed behind you. 

When you got closer to the entrance of the dining hall the more noise you could hear. There were scouts laughing with each other. Some people standing in groups talking to each other. Some were out in the front enjoying the sun. A few people grouped in the front. Some faces you recognized but you haven’t ever conversed with. It was getting louder as you approached the threshold. A girl with pretty dark hair caught your eye.

“Mikasa?” You asked a little unsure. The girl’s eyebrows raised and her eyes were wide. “Mikasa Ackerman?” She stepped closer to you. Hange, Moblit and Levi could see Mikasa’s eyes start to gloss over. 

“Y/N . . .” Mikasa said calmly. 

“I haven’t seen you in a long time,” You hugged her and she hugged you back tightly. Mikasa didn’t want to let go. She kept blinking, but her eyes were filling up with tears. You pulled away, “How are you?” You asked brightly. “Keeping Eren out of trouble?” She smiled through her tears. “ . . . What’s wrong?” 

“We haven’t seen each other in a while. It’s happy tears.” She sniffled and you laughed. 

“You look sad,” You said and touched her hair. 

“I have something for you . . .” Mikasa gently went through a small bag she usually did not have with her. 

“What is it, Mikasa?” Hange asked.

“She got me a present!” You said excitedly. Mikasa found what she was looking for. She gently brought out paper that was folded twice. 

“I found this a few weeks ago and I want you to have it.” She handed you the folded paper and you hesitantly took it. You carefully unfolded the paper. On the paper was a drawing of three girls. You gasped. It was a drawing of Mikasa, Sasha and you and the background you could tell was your room from your cadet days. Mikasa sniffled, blinked back tears, and quietly took a deep breath. “Remember? Jean drew us and Sasha when we were roommates in the cadet corp.” The drawing of you and your friends was done in pencil, but along the edge of the paper were names written in ink. In elegant penmanship was written: Mikasa, Sasha and Y/N. “I had it all these years, but I think you should have it.” Your heart felt like it was swelling in your chest. How could you not? You thought of the fun times you and Mikasa would plug Sasha’s nose when she was sleeping. She would swat and roll over leaving you and Mikasa giggling. You thought of the time when you peed your pants because Sasha made you laugh so hard. Another memory of Mikasa teaching Sasha how to braid hair and she tried it on you and put knots in your hair. Mikasa had to cut your hair. It ended up so badly that Mikasa braided your hair for the last year of the cadet corp. You thought of the time you stole Mikasa’s shirt for the day then when heading to bed your mattress was gone. Mikasa was like the sister you always wanted. You hugged Mikasa and she let a tear fall. She closed her eyes and enjoyed that moment. 

“ . . . You’re the one that taught me how to braid hair . . . This is so sentimental, Thank you.” You said and when you pulled away you analysed the drawing again. “Hey, how's Jean? I’m surprised I haven’t seen him yet . . . Where’s Eren? He’s usually . . .” You froze, you felt cold. You felt sick. Why did you feel scared? Mikasa stared back at you, her eyes grew bigger. 

“Y/N.” Levi grabbed your arm and held your head while embracing you. 

“How do you feel? Tell me your thoughts.” Hange said worryingly. She tugged on your shirt gently. You stared off and then you looked at Mikasa.

“I was just . . . wondering where Eren was . . . you two are usually together.” You said dazed and confused. 

“Let’s sit down . . .” Levi said and you stared at Mikasa. She was still in her stance. She looked at you carefully, she didn’t want to frazzle you. Though this moment for her was fleeting, she looked at you and appreciated that you were alive and lucid.

“Do you want to sit with me?” You asked Mikasa. More tears streamed down her face with a smile. 

3rd Debriefing Session:

“There’s not a clear indication why Y/N’s long term memory was affected. There are gaps—not remembering long term friendships, routines, and some milestone events. But with this episode lasting 28 days and with the evidence that over time her health did improve over the 28 days.” Dr. Yates said. Levi stared at the books he always did. The survey corps went on a large scale planned expedition and unfortunately, you became lucid the morning they left. 19 days they were gone. Apparently, you kept asking for Levi. You were a little moody sitting in the medical room not being allowed to do much. You asked to go outside, but once you were outside you just wanted to go back in. 

Levi was pissed when the survery corp returned and he received the message that you’ve been lucid since they left. He wasn’t there for the longest time you were lucid and he didn’t know how much time he had left. When he did return to you, you became happier and so you started becoming healthier. Dr. Yates let you stay with Levi for a couple nights. 

While staring at the books, his mind ended up thinking about one of the nights of you staying with him. You were on top of Levi practically begging to have sex. He thought about how you kissed his neck and palmed him teasing him with pleasure. You two haven’t had sex since before That Day. He rubbed your thigh gently, he tried to pretend he didn’t feel your pinstriped scars. You ran your hand through his hair, pleading with him to touch you. Levi felt like he was taking advantage of you and suggested going to bed. 

“I suggest we can add a couple tests when she’s lucid.” Hange’s bright tone pulled Levi away from the thought of you. 

“What are you thinking?” Commander Erwin asked. 

“Since Y/N could not recognize Mikasa Ackerman, even though she should have for knowing her for so long. They were roommates along with a few others including Sasha Braus since the Cadet Corp. We could have Mikasa walk by Y/N and see if she reacts, says hello or recognizes her slightly. If she doesn’t we could try having Mikasa approach her and have a light conversation to jog her memory. 

“Another thing I noticed was Y/N feels calm around Sasha Braus. Whether it's because they are long term friends or because of That Day. According to Sasha, she was the one that killed Hecate when she was torturing Y/N. We could conclude that subconsciously Y/N remembers Sasha saving her.

“One last hypothesis. I was thinking if Eren Jaeger was around Y/N. She would not think about where Eren could be as that was the information Hecate was trying to get from us.” Hange suggested. “I recognize these ‘tests’ do require the efforts of others, that are not mandatory. But I know they would want to help Y/N.” 

“How long do you think expect her friends to help her?” Commander Erwin asked. 

“With all due respect, I am not the doctor. I am just summarizing her social behavior. I can only help, but I can not solve anything.” Hange said and then there was silence in the room. A sense of apprehensiveness to speak. They were ignoring what needed to be said. 

“ . . . Levi, there’s a hospital in the capital that specializes—”

“Are you suggesting shipping off Y/N? She was lucid for almost a month. She’s improving.” Levi said sharply. Erwin let out a deep breath and decided to pin that suggestion for later. 

Your fourth lucid episode was two months after. Levi was worried that you were slowly dying and not going to have another lucid episode. When you did . . . it was the worst behavior to deal with. Hange and Levi had to restrain you while Moblit attempted to sedate you with a syringe. You scratched Hange’s face with your engagement ring.

As the day went on you felt tired. Though you did enjoy hanging and conversing with Mikasa, Eren and Armin. You were starting to feel out of it. Dinner was starting to be served and more of your friends came into the dining hall. 

“If I get you food will you eat it?” Levi asked.

“I’m just tired.” You said. It felt like a long day. Your social battery was starting to become drained. 

“You should eat, Y/N” Eren said. 

“Yeah we’re all going to get food. I think there’s soup.” Armin added. 

“I already had soup today.” You said, lethargically

“Are you saying F/N L/N has a limit on soup?!” A bright voice said behind you. You turned around and a jolt of energy burst from you as you sprung up to hug Sasha.

“SASHA!” Levi and Hange laughed. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while!”

“Is soup all you had today?” Sasha asked, but it seemed like she was more asking Hange. 

“I would like for her to eat more.” Hange said to Sasha. 

“Then let’s get in line I’m starving” Sasha grabbed your wrist and you guys went into the line. 

During dinner, Levi’s heart swelled watching you be with your friends. It was the first in a while where you were smiling and laughing with them. Jean told stupid jokes that made you laugh hard. You laughed so hard you cried. Sasha gave you some of her soup so you could eat more. Armin didn’t say much, but he enjoyed seeing you alive and healthy. Levi thought your smile was so warm and watching you from where he sat it was like he was seeing you for the first time again. 

Your laugh, your smile and you being with your friends. Levi remembers being so shy and nervous to talk to you. Your courage and initiation to talk to Levi is what started the relationship. He glanced at the ring on your finger. He just knew. Denied it to himself, Levi thought he was ridiculous for knowing he was going to marry you only after interacting with you a limited amount of times. But you were just so considerate of him and caring for him. He never had someone like him for him. He closed his eyes and tried not to cry. He was grateful you were in his life. Levi was going to be by yourside for the entire time you needed to heal. He will marry you. 

“Levi? Are you okay?” Hange asked. He opened his eyes and saw you intently listening to Eren’s story. 

“I just . . . want to marry her.” He said.

After you were done eating. You braided Sasha’s hair and then Mikasa stood behind you and braided yours. You french braided Sasha’s and Mikasa was also giving you a french braid. When you and Mikasa were done braiding. Mikasa sat down in front of you and you started braiding her hair. 

“Hange! I could braid your hair!” Sasha turned excitedly to Levi and Hange’s table. Hange raised her eyebrows.

“No! I want to braid her hair!” You said to Sasha.

“Oh come on please!” Sasha begged. 

“HANGE LET US BRAID YOUR HAIR! YOU WOULD LOOK SO CUTE WITH PIGTAILS. ” You demanded and Levi laughed. You dropped her hair and walked over to Hange, you started pulling her wrist but she was holding onto the table. “SASHA GRAB HER OTHER WRIST!” Sasha laughed and you both pulled Hange over to the other table. 

“Fine! Just normal, nothing fancy.” Hange appeased and sat down at your table. 

“You braid Mikasa’s hair. I want to do Hange’s.” You said. Then you started pulling out her ponytail and brushing it with your fingers. “Jeez, your hair is knotty.” Levi smiled. You braided her hair into pigtails and looked over at Sasha braiding Mikasa’s hair. “You look so cute, Mikasa!” Mikasa blushed. “Awe Hange you look so cute, too!” 

“We’ll all have braided hair, now!” Sasha said excitedly. 

“Jean needs to draw us!” You said. “Quick, we need to get a pencil and paper!” Jean froze with a spoon almost to his mouth. 

“When did I sign up for this?” He laughed. 

“Just do a quick one!” Mikasa said. Molblit handed Jean a blank sheet of paper and his pencil. He smiled. He did want to remember this moment. 

“Okay bunch up. Have Sasha and Hange stand behind you two.” You and Mikasa had an arm around each other and Hange and Sasha hugged you two from behind. It took a little, but you still chatted and talked with the rest of the table. Except for when Jean asked you all to smile. Then he let you get out of the pose. He continued drawing though and after a while he folded the paper twice. Then licked among the folds and split the paper into four. “Ladies of the braid. I have your drawing.” Jean handed Mikasa a fourth of a paper with a drawing of the four of you with your braids. Then handed you another fourth with the same drawing copied over. 

“Jean, you drew it four times?” You asked and Jean handed the last fourths of the paper to Hange and Sasha. The four of you lined up the drawings you received by the ripped folds. You all had the same drawing of the four of you smiling with your hair in braids. 

“You’re an amazing artist, thank you, Jean.” Hange said admiring the drawing. 

“Thanks, Jean!” Sasha brightly said. Mikasa picked up the pencil Jean was using from the table. 

“Y/N, hand me your drawing really quick.” She put your drawing on the table and wrote something on an open space of the drawing. Then she gave you the paper back. You looked at what Mikasa wrote. In elegant penmanship was written: Sasha, Hange, Mikasa and Y/N. 

“You have such nice handwriting, Mikasa.” You said and she smiled hopefully at you. Then you hugged Jean and thanked him for the drawing. You happily strolled to Levi and showed him the drawing. It was like the drawing Hange showed him a moment ago. Except yours had the names written. Levi recognized it was the same handwriting from the other drawing. 

5th Debriefing Session:

“We need to have a tough conversation,” Commander Erwin started. “When looking at the big picture of Y/N’s health. We are nearing the 6th month mark . . . Levi, the Survey Corps can only do so much . . . evaluating her when the one year mark—” Levi abruptly stood up with a loud screech from his chair. He began to walk toward the doors. “Hange wants to help Y/N! Her friends want to and are willing to help, but—” Levi ripped the door open.

“If you want to send her to a hospital in Mitras. Honorably discharge me. I’ll go with my wife.” Levi slammed the door. 

“Okay Hange. Yeah, okay.” Levi closed the door on Hange. He just wanted to spend some alone time with you. You carefully walked to the table while holding two cups of tea and gently on the table. For a moment you reminded him of his mother. You were so elegant and when you smiled at Levi his felt happy that you were his. He had love in his life and he was going to take care of you just like you have always taken care of him. He fondly looked at you and then he approached you and hugged you. You were his just like he knew he was yours. No matter what. “Sit, I want to get something.” He said and went off to the corner where he had a small bookshelf. He grabbed a leatherbound journal and a pencil. He put it in front of you. “Here.” You stared at it.

“What—”

“Remember it’s your journal. You haven’t written in it in a long time though. I want you to write an entry.” Levi gently said then he grabbed the drawing Jean gave you and he leaned it against some books on the bookshelf. 

“Oh yeah . . . I forgot . . . I used to write everyday. I had like 8 journals . . .” You trailed off.

“Yea, you wanted to keep a record of your life. Maybe write how you feel or just what went on today. I think the last entry you wrote was near when we got engaged.” Levi said. 

“ . . .we’re engaged?” You asked confused. Levi closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He tried to keep the mood light.

“Just a little entry.” He sat down next to you and sipped on his tea carefully. You smiled and started writing about your day. “Then we could go to sleep early.” Levi enjoyed sleeping with you because he had poor sleeping habits. But when you slept next to him he got a few more hours. He gave you a kiss on the cheek and you turned to kiss him again on the lips. His admiration for you only grew watching you write in your journal. These little moments are everything he has to accept for now.

“I don’t know what else to write . . .” You said lightly. Thoughts came into your mind and then disappeared. “I’m sorry.” Levi offered you his hand and when you took he gently helped you stand up and walked towards the bed. He then held your hand to his heart.

“Let’s lay down.” Levi said.

“Can I have a back massage?” You ask. Levi does his best to give you a shoulder massage, he carefully does his best to not hurt you, but he wants to relieve you of all pain. Levi tried to be as careful because to him you were so delicate and fragile looking. He wanted you to relax and be with him.  

“Is this okay . . .?” He asked.

“Keep going.” You ordered and he obeyed then smiled. He moved down your back, pressing little circles into your back and along your spine. 

“Let’s go brush our teeth and go—” Levi said, pulling away. 

“No more.” You put his hand back on your shoulders. He gave you a couple more seconds of massaging.

“Okay no more, your majesty.” He said. You jumped on him which took him by surprise. You attempt to pin him down on the bed and Levi let you. You kissed his forehead and he looked up at you fondly. Youre eyes looked so pretty. You trailed your hands slowly on Levi’s chest, feeling his carved muscles. You placed one of his hands on your thighs and you ran your fingers in his hair. To Levi you are everything. He reached towards your face and then touched your braid. “Let’s go to sleep.” You kissed him and fisted his shirt. Levi pulled away, “Y/N . . .”

“Please . . .” you mewled into his ear softly, knowing this is what gets to him. You put more pressure on him, feeling him getting harder. You tucked some of his fringe behind his ears. You looked into his steel grey eyes and the eye contact was making you feel heat in yourself, you haven’t felt in a while. You grinded your hips and Levi was starting to breathe heavily. “ . . . Levi,” you moaned, you knew it drove him crazy. “I love you so much.”

“I’m in love with you.” Levi said to you. You looked so pretty.  

“We haven’t . . . made love in a while.” You said and continued to grind on him and Levi was thinking of the pleasure’s he could have with you. He hasn't felt your body in a long time and Levi wanted to feel you wrapped around him. He wanted to hear you whimper in his ear. But clarity came to the forefront. 

“I can’t take advantage of you . . .” He said quietly.

“You’re not, I want you.” You started taking off your shirt. Levi stopped you. Pulling your shirt down. He sat up and hugged you, smelling you. 

“Y/N I can’t . . . please let’s go to sleep.” You pulled away and gave him another kiss.

“Ok.” 

When you slept next to Levi, he felt it easier to relax. His muscles untensed and he found it easier to fall asleep. Levi had terrible sleeping habits before you and when you slept next to him for the first time he realized you helped him. He slept a good six hours with you next to him. Levi realized you brought him a sense of peace and you always were positive and good natured. 

You always had taken good care of him, sometimes he saw his mom in you. You reminded him that he was worthy of love and he saw you as someone who wanted to give love to your friends. He admired that you made friends wherever you went. He knew how much your friends love you and you saw them as your family. Your kind heart is what drew people in. Levi was glad you had a large support system, something he didn’t have in life. He recognized that he wanted to marry you when he realized that you made up an entire family for him. He trusted that you would always be there for him and you were so supportive and loving. You made him laugh so much, feeling joy in life. 

Levi half asleep rolled over, he felt the bed empty. He sat up and he was alone. He heard you in the dark room whimpering quietly. He saw your dark silhouette on the floor against the wall. His heart dropped, more time he begged.

“Please,” you begged quietly. Levi cautiously approached you. “No, please don’t” You said as he got closer. He grabbed a syringe off of the table. 

“Y/N. It’s Levi.” He said almost pleading.

“NO!” You pleaded. Holding your hand out to him as if that was going to stop him. He started to feel tears in his eyes, this was the first time he had to do this alone. There was a hope that you just had a bad nightmare and you needed comfort.

“Come back to me . . .” He said. You screamed loudly and it pierced his ears. He had to jump on you. You thrashed and one of his tears landed on you. You slapped him and pushed Levi. He grunted. 

“Y/N!” He said, pining one of your arms against the wall. 

“NO! PLEASE DONT!” You cried out and screamed again. Levi used his weight to hold down your legs. He set the syringe down and did his best to pull your pants down. You panicked and fought him. “STOP! I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING!” You pulled up your knee and tried to hit Levi in the croch. Levi cried. You were weak and Levi was much stronger than you. He managed to get a good surface of your thigh showing. You managed to get another slap on his face and he grunted. You screamed loudly, a cry in desperation. You whailed hoping someone would hear you and help you. 

“Please—”

“PLEASE STOP!” You screamed, he winced at the volume going into his ear. He picked up the syringed and shot it into your leg. You screamed and Levi looked at you in the eyes hoping to find you somewhere. You looked at him in desperation, pleading to spare you. Levi had to hold you down until you got physically worn out, he cried waiting for you to go unconscious. When you were weak. He hugged you, he knew you needed help. This was the life he was dealt with. 

Before he left his room, he laid you on his bed and pretended you were only sleeping. This time was so short again. What else could Levi do to help you? He knocked on the door and waited for a while. His eyes were puffy and his face was stained with tears. He knocked again and the door finally opened. Hange still had her pigtail braids in. Levi held up his empty syringe.

“Levi . . .” Hange said tiredly then she saw the syringe. 

“Y/N’s in my room.” Levi said dismaly. Hange leaned her head against the doorframe and sighed. 

“I’ll get Dr. Yates.” She said.

That Day:

They were in a large room of a house. The windows were large and revealed that there were no other buildings nearby. They were almost in the middle of nowhere. Somewhere northwest Wall Rose. One of Hecate’s men was holding a knife to Hange’s throat. Another was holding you by your waist and had a knife to your back. Levi and Erwin were on their knees and tied up. With another guy standing behind them. Hecate walked back and forth between the four of you. Her heels being the prominent sound on the hardwood floor. 

“I recognize you, scout regiment. You know where Eren Jaeger is. So which one of you is going to tell me where he is?” She said toyingly. She has been wanting to kill Eren for years. She came close to killing him twice. She played with the knife in her hand. “Commander Erwin . . . top dog. Leader of the scout regiment. Tell me.” She bent down to level with him. He stayed silent. Hecate grabbed his hair and yanked his head back then sliced into his collarbone. Erwin groaned, gritting his teeth. You grimacing looked away. 

“We don’t know where Eren is.” Erwin said lowly.

“Liar. Tell me where he is.” She said and Erwin didn’t respond. She kicked him in the balls and he let out a gutteral groan and fell on his side. The scouts were on their way, though there was no hope of getting out of the situation. They needed to get here before everyone was dead. Erwin painfully coughed. Then she walked over his body. 

“What about you?” She stood over Levi. He said nothing. You couldn’t help but watch what she was going to do to Levi. She grabbed his shirt and yanked him up. “Are you going to tell me, handsome?” You felt a rage, but your fear was more developed. You knew Levi wasn’t going to spill even if he was beaten to death. The four of you wouldn’t. She slapped Levi and you closed your eyes.

“That’s Captain Levi born from the underground. He’s not going to talk.” The guy behind Erwin and Levi gruffly said.

“Huh, that's so?” She looked at Levi and pushed him face forward to the ground. She lifted up his shirt revealing his back and dug the knife into him. “I’ll ask you one more time. Where is Eren?” You heard Levi muffly groan as Hecate dug the knife across his back. Beads of blood bursing from the cut. “Come on, Captain, I want answers.”

“I’m not answering you, bitch.” Levi spat at her. You raised your eyebows when you saw some of his blood. You wanted to tell Levi to not make her angry, but you stayed silent. She stood up from him and looked at him. 

“Huh, of course, Captain.” She kicked his face. You jerked, “I believe you.” She laughed. She glanced over at you and Hange. Your heart pulsed. She strolled over to you two while wiping her knife. “I know how the dynamics work, captain . . . your attempt to provoke me? I’ve seen it a thousand times. You’re not gonna talk.” You felt your heart in your throat when she eyes you and Hange. “But one of you will.” You kept your eyes down. She stood in front of Hange. “No need for that . . .” She said to the man holding Hange. He took the knife from her throat and put it in her back. “You’re quite pretty.” Hange scowled at her. Hecate took Hange’s glasses off then threw them on the ground then crushed her glasses with her boot. She kicked her in the stomach. She recoiled, the wind being knocked out of her and the man holding Hange caused her to not fall over. Tears started building in your eyes. “Tell me where Eren is and you and your friends will be left alone.” Hange said nothing. Hecate slapped Hange. She whimpered. “Tell me what I want to know. Where is Eren Jaeger?” Hange sniffled. Hecate breathed impatiently then looked at the ground she picked up a sharp glass edge from Hange’s glasses. Then lifted a part of her shirt and jabbed the glass into Hange’s abdomen. She cried out loudly and whimpered. Choking for air trying to regulate her breathing. Hecate walked over to you. You continued looking at the ground, noticing some blood was on her shoe. “Why are you crying? Do you not like seeing your friends get hurt?” She taunted. She slapped you. You yelped and some of your hair got in your face. “We don’t have to do this, you know. Let me know darling, where is Eren Jaeger?” You stayed silent. A tear rolled down your cheek begging that the scouts would save you four. She swiped the blade onto your collarbone. Blood drew from your cut. You moaned and whimpered. “Answer me. Or you’ll get another cut.” She grabbed you by your shirt and pointed the knife to your abdomen.

“Stop, she doesn’t know.” Hange huffed out. Hecate turned her attention on Hange. Then glanced at you.

“Bring Commander Erwin Smith over here, would you?” Hecate asked and the man brought a stumbling Erwin over in front of Hange. He made Erwin kneel. “Commander these pretty girls are your subordinates?” Erwin stayed silent looking at the ground. Hecate slapped him. “So fucking rude not to answer my question.” She went toward you and kicked you, knocking the wind out of you, making you fall to the ground. The man who was holding you put his foot on your side. You felt paralyzed and then the pain set in. “Where is Eren Jaeger? or these girls will get it.”

“I don’t know.” Erwin said.

“You do know.” Hecate said and then sliced a cut into Hange’s collar bones. She whimpered. “Tell me what I want.” She was starting to lose her patience. 

“Leave them alone, bitch,” Levi with a strained voice said. Hecate kicked you in the chest and forced you to let out a cry. 

“Say that again, Captain? I didn’t hear you. Get her up.” The man forced you to sit up. She knelt in front of you and Hange eyed both of you. You couldn’t hide your tears. “This time it’s your choice . . . which one will get my knife?” A tear dripped onto the floor in front of you. “Hmm?”  Hange swallowed and wheezed.

“Me. Just give—” Hecate cut your arm instead of Hange’s, making you shriek. You cried out, not being able to hold it in. You breathed hard. Erwin winced at the sight of you two. 

“Once again, you or you?” Hange and you stayed silent. She sighed and kicked you to the floor again. 

“She doesn’t know anything! Stop it!” Hanged yelled. Hecate grabbed Hange’s hair, forcing her head back. 

“I see . . . you care for her . . . ” She let go of Hange’s head. Then she stood in front of you. “Where’s Eren Jaeger?” She asked Hange. She then held down the same arm she cut into earlier. Hecate started cutting into your arm next to the other one. You screamed trying to thrash your legs, but the man was holding you down. When she was done slicing you, you sobbed into the floor. Hecate sighed. “Take them downstairs.” One of the man jerked you and Hange up. You couldn’t look at anyone. The one man forced Levi up and his nose was bloody. The last man got Erwin up and he was stumbling and wincing trying to keep up with the man. Hange coughed and her vision was blurry. They pulled you toward an area where the stairs went down. Levi was the first forced down the steps. “Hold on.” Everyone froze anticipating what Hecate was going to say. “I want to ask her some questions,” she pointed at you. Hange’s eyes went wide as she felt another man grabbing her. She watched as the man who was holding both of you, pushed you back towards Hecate.

“NO! WAIT! TAKE ME INSTEAD! LEAVE HER ALONE!” Hange, Erwin and Levi were pushed down the stairs by the other man. You went out of sight and Hange noticed Levi glaring at her. The men threw them in a cell, locking it and walking back upstairs. 

“Levi, untie my restraints,” Commander Erwin whispered. Levi turned around and tried his best to untie the knot while not being able to see it. Hange started crying again sitting down. Then Commander Erwin untied Levi who was pissed. He walked over to Hange and grabbed her shirt. 

“YOU IDIOT!” Levi couldn’t care about his volume. “HOW STUPID COULD YOU BE?! YOU NEVER SHOW—” Hange jerked away from his grasp.

“I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT Y/N!” Hange said harshly 

“DIDN’T WORK—”

“—I WOULD RATHER IT BE ME THAN HER!” Hange said. As Levi was about to retort back, the three of them heard you scream above them. Hange’s heart pounded and she started crying. Levi took off one of his shoes and threw it against the wall angrily. Erwin started untying Hange. She slid down the wall crouching into a ball. They could hear you begging.

“NO! NO, PLEASE!” Then they heard you scream louder. Hange put her fingers in her ears, she closed her eyes. The special operations squad should come any moment. Hange then felt a pull on her shirt, again. Levi with a bloody face and a fire in his eyes was holding her. 

“YOU FUCKING IDIOT. THE MOMENT YOU OPENED YOUR MOUTH. I KNEW THEY WOULD PICK HER!” Levi sneered.

“LEVI!” Erwin pulled Levi off Hange. Another scream was heard above.

“I was trying to get her to hurt me instead of Y/N!” Hange sobbed. 

“Because you opened your mouth she knew you cared about her! The moment you do that they’ll torture her to get you to fucking talk!” Levi said. “My fiance is going to die BECAUSE OF YOU!” He pushed Hange into the wall. 

“GET AWAY FROM HER!” Erwin asserted himself in front of Levi. “ENOUGH PULL IT TOGETHER! WE NEED TO THINK . . . let's look around and try to get out.” Levi put on his shoe and Hange covered her face, sobbing. 

“STOP! PLEASE! NO!” They heard you above them. Hange got up and started coughing. She went into the corner gagging. Hange threw up in the corner. Levi kicked the cell door, it clanked and didn’t budge. About ten minutes later. It was quiet. They didn’t hear you screaming and they didn’t hear yelling from Hecate. Suddenly they heard soft footsteps descending from the stairs. Hange’s hope rose only for it to deplete when Hecate walked up to them. The knife she was holding was covered in blood

“Comfy?” Hecate taunted. They couldn’t look at her. “Terrible of you to not do anything about your friend . . . hey gorgeous!” Hange ignored her. “Fine . . . Anyone want to tell me where Eren is?” She started backing away, smirking. “I’ll just ask your friend.” She walked back up the stairs.

“Where are they?” Hange whispered frustratedly. Levi leaned with his arm against the wall. He was facing the wall, the pressure was building in his nose and he was blinking away any tears forming in his eyes. They heard a thud and they heard you screaming above them, Hange plugged her ears. She continued crying. The three had dried blood on them and they stayed helpless in the cell. They heard you scream, beg and cry for a while longer. Hange felt paralyzed listening to you scream. She couldn’t think of a way to save you or them. To her it was her fault, she shouldve kept her mouth shut. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened if she kept her mouth shut. She hugged her knees. “I’m sorry.” She whispered. She glanced at Levi who had his forehead against his arm. In the distance they heard shattering, then some yelling. “Commander Erwin, THEY’RE HERE!” Levi turned around. There was a large boom above them and more screams and yells. Then suddenly rapid footsteps were descending the stairs. Moblit and Jean appeared. 

“Section Commander!” Moblit exclaimed then he noticed the blood on Levi’s face and Erwin’s cuts. 

“How’s Y/N?” Erwin demanded. 

“Let us out!” Hange screamed. 

“HOWS Y/N!?” Levi yelled. Jean unlocked the door with the key from one of Hecate’s men. Levi ran out of the cell and dashed up the stairs, Hange followed after him. Hecate was dead on the ground and scattered on the floor were her men. Levi saw you slumped against the wall, Sasha was holding you. You had no pants on and instead there was blood dripping on your legs. Multiple long cuts down the length of your legs. 

“Captain!” Sasha exclaimed. “Captain, her pulse is faint.” Levi caressed you. Your eyes were closed and your head was nodded out. “I think she’ll need stitches.” He shook you a little waiting for a response. He was revolted at what Hecate did to you. He let anger get to him, gritted his teeth then went over to Hecate’s dead body and kicked her four times, grunting. 

“Levi!” Hange pulled him away and Levi pushed her off of him. Hange saw Mikasa crying at the sight of you with Armin comforting you. Levi went over you and Sasha. 

“She’ll need stitches, she lost a lot of blood. We need to get her to a hospital somewhere.”

“Sasha knows how stitch wounds.” Levi said.

“I don’t have any supplies.” Sasha said defeatedly. Connie ran into the room.

“I found a small first aid kit.” Connie said, panting. “We can clean her up and use whatever we can for now.” Sasha dashed over to Connie grabbing the first aid kit. 

“Captain Levi, are you wounded? There’s a bunch of blood on your back.” Moblit asked. 

“And on my face. Y/N is more important right now.” Levi said, his voice breaking. He could not lose another person he loves. 

6th Debriefing Session:

Levi didn’t want to sit. He listened to Hange and Dr. Yates relayed the details to Commander Erwin. His time with you this time felt so short. This time was the most you, you have been since That Day. He stared at the window. Having the trees fill his vision. Watching some scouts walk by or sit on the grass. The sunset was emitting an orange sky. Your favorite. Erwin was right. 

Levi leaned his forehead against the glass and closed his eyes. There was nothing left, but to wait for the next episode. Levi didn’t mean to zone out. His frustrated thoughts were consuming him and he was with you the whole time. He was defeated and didn’t know how to take the next steps. 

It felt like there was no improvement. As he gazed out the window, there were no positive thoughts. This was the life he was dealt. He abruptly turned around making Hange pause. 

“What is it, Levi?” She asked softly. He looked at the ground while walking past the table. Pressure building in his nose, his eyes starting to gloss over. He looked over his shoulder locking eyes with Erwin who had a sympathetic expression. With everything he had in him, he tried not to break.

“Start t-the paperwork, commander,” Levi did not win. 

Three weeks later:

Hange cautiously walked into your medical room. She held the door until it closed with a quiet click. She heard faint beeping and it was quiet. She knew Levi was behind the curtain sitting with you.

“I know it’s you, four-eyes.” Levi said shakenly. Hange walked around the curtain. Levi sat in a chair next to your bed. His arms were crossed and he was leaning back into the chair comfortably. Levi’s eyes were red and puffy. He looked at Hange and she saw the desperation in his eyes. Though he was sitting, there was no one around and so she stepped forward and hugged him. Levi nuzzled his face into her shoulder. Hidden, even though there was no one to hide from. Hange softly rubbed Levi’s back. 

“In the morning, right?” She asked.

“Yes . . .'' Levi pulled away from Hange and he stared at you. You looked like you were sleeping. He stood up from his chair and offered Hange his seat. They looked at you for a while. Both filled with thoughts. One thought after another. Begged for a change of fate. “Do me a favor . . .” Levi said and Hange didn’t look at him. “Stop blaming yourself . . .'' Hange put her face into her hands. “ . . . I was an asshole that day. I was wrong for calling you an idiot. Nothing was ever your fault”

“Levi . . .” she did her best to muffle her crying. “I thought if I could make it seem like I knew where Eren was . . . they would leave her alone . . . If only they questioned me instead . . .”

“Stop talking like that.” Levi said defeatedly. “I’ve forgiven you and you need to start forgiving yourself.” She sniffled.

“I wish I wasn’t losing my best friend . . .” Hange said and they looked at each other, knowingly. Years they have relied on each other and built years of trust. “And you.” They laughed. Hange wiped a tear from her eye.  

“Y/N would want you to visit.” Hange smiled.

“She would want all her friends to visit.” Hange said thinking of Sasha, Mikasa, Armin, Eren, Jean, Connie, Christa, and anyone she saw Y/N sharing joyful moments with. Everyone liked her, even Annie. 

“You don’t need to ask, drop by when you’re available. You could stay with us.” Levi said. 

“I will . . . I want to be there with her.” Hange whispered. She gasped because she saw your hand jolt. It was more than a twitch, Hange stood up anticipating for any more movement. “Her hand moved! She can hear us.” Levi grabbed your hand and they both hovered over you. Waiting for any other sign of consciousness. You did not move. Hange brushed your hair with her fingers. “ . . . Y/N, It’s Hange . . . If you can hear me, I love you so much . . .” No movement. No twitching or any indication of consciousness. “I’ll visit you when I can . . .” 

In the morning, Levi and you started traveling to Mitras. Erwin and Darius Zackly ensured to put you in one of the top hospitals in Mitras. Fortunatly you did improve. Your lucid episodes started becoming longer and the periods inbetween shortened. You were not triggered as much. Levi was by your side most of the time.

 Two and a half years later after That Day you, Levi, and the psychologists hit a huge milestone. For six months you were lucid, your triggers no longer  made you panic, scream and kick. You didn’t need to be sedated. You were able to relay the details of That Day without being triggered. Levi was allowed to take you out of the hospital and live togehter in the city. That day was now a painful memory. You didn’t cry when remembering it. Every now and then you would have nightmares about That Day, but when Levi woke you up you knew you were safe. You would calm down and then go back to sleep. 

Two years and nine months after that day, Levi and you officially were married. Though he already considered you his wife, he was elated that it was official. Friends who visited you in the hospital were there. Most of the scouts who you knew attended. Commander Erwin was happy to see you healthy and happy to see Levi happier. Everyone mentioned how happy they were to see you healthy and like your old self. You met Sasha’s boyfriend, Niccolo at the wedding. But when she showed you a ring on her finger you met her fiance. You cheered and jumped up and down excitedly. You planned to hang out for a day with Mikasa and Sasha. Eren wanted to come, but Mikasa told him no. 

Three years after that day, you barely thought of that day. You were free spirited and started to enjoy reading again. You mostly stayed home, cleaning, cooking and doing hobbies. Sometimes when the scouts were in town you’d invite your friends over for dinner. Most of the time you had a quiet and peaceful life. 

Three years and two months later, Levi brought up the idea that he would return to the Survey Corps. You were confused and almost begging him to not return. You didn’t want something to happen to him while he was away with the scouts. You absolutely did not want to go back. You wanted Levi to stay with you and continue the peaceful life you had with him. He agreed that he had everything he wanted. A home, a beautiful wife, a peaceful life on the surface, but he felt like he had a duty to fulfill. That he needed to payback Commander Erwin for helping him with everything he’s done. 

It took a while for you to come around, but you wanted Levi to feel fulfilled. You knew he was capable of doing everything he could to survive. You knew he would come back to you. 

Three and a half years after that day, Levi returned to being Captain of the special operations squad. You would visit each other in your free time. Sometimes you felt lonely, but you lived a peaceful and safe life which is what Levi wanted for you. 

Thank you for reading through the editing mistakes. It takes a good 50 mins to read through this whole story and I just need to study for finals rn LOL

Also i know the villians are random. Lol originally they were going to be Zeke Peick and Galliard but i couldnt imagine them doing shit that dark LMAO

masterlist

[animalinvestigator]

any manga recommendations?

yessss oh my gosh always, gladly. so honored you would ask little ol me about such a thing... i haven't been reading much lately so here's just a little list of things ive picked up in the past few months or things i've liked for a long time..... all of them are on mangadex so just look em up... Im editing this to put them under the cut sorry i didn't do it before ive been on the clock for like 4 hours and im tired Lights cigarette

fool night yasuda kasumi !!! it's currently ongoing and i recently got caught up... if i had to describe it in two words.. "post-chainsawman." it's very similar in a lot of ways, but has very different priorities.. what i really like about it is that it has kind of a tighter focus on the "poverty and capitalism" angle that chainsawman definitely covers but doesn't really devote its full attention to. in a world where the sun no longer shines, plants can't grow, so humans are constantly at a deficit of oxygen... to combat this, government facilities offer a payout to desperate people who can't afford to live if they allow themselves to be "transflorated" -- basically fed on by a magical spiritual plant that will eventually kill them and release oxygen in their stead. one such desperate person undergoes the procedure only to find he has the special ability to communicate with transflorated bodies after theyve passed... and then he becomes a Plants Detective and shenanigans ensue. Super good it made me cry... art is beautiful..... definitely worth a read if youre looking to pick up something ongoing

babel no toshokan by tsubana - stumbled upon this after reading the artist's other work "wakusei closet" on a whim... this shorter story is much preferred and has engraved itself deeply on my heart. a girl with a strange set of beliefs about reality enters a strange relationship with a boy who can read everything that's ever been written just by touching an identical sheath of paper..... seriously so good. give it a go if you want something short and sweet

planet laika & scorched earth of love by mayuri yoshida, this is a short manga and one shot bundled with it that has been one of my favorites for like FOUR YEARS NOW!!! mayuri yoshida's sickly cute animal people + loving intricate lineart combine to create a really unique visual aesthetic. its about the titular laika , as in, the dog launched into space, who has since become the ruler of a planet of dogs, and her plot to take revenge on humanity. also she has a lesbian wife. the one shot is so good too SO DONT MISS IT!!!

anyone who has heard me talk about comics for the past year or so probably knows i've been trying to get Just yknow everybody on earth to read dead dead demon's dedededestruction by inio asano. nothing i could ever possibly say about it could do it justice it's seriously my favorite manga of all time. it's about being in love with your best friend and the end of the world and aliens and politics and the internet and stuff. asano's art is truly breathtaking and unlike anything else on earth, the characters are all infectiously lovable, and it's just like... endlessly life affirming and heals my heart in a way i have a hard time articulating.

and last one... not strictly manga but i have really enjoyed keeping up with wanan's webcomic no home recently... its a long one, but i read about 275 chapters of it in like 3 days, because it's that hard to put down, LOL... extremely inspiring character writing and also just insanely fun, eunyung became an all time favorite character of mine on impact and it has one of those casts where you can't help but have fun watching them be together in literally any situation. it's about a bunch of kids with shitty family situations trying to figure out to learn to live with eachother. its an extremely good example of mundane character drama being written so compellingly that it will make you start slamming your head on walls at work. Speaking from experience.

miscellany... everyone tells you to read witch hat atelier, do it its good... everyone tells you to read dungeon meshi do that its good... Chainsaw man part 2 is getting crazy right now ...... uhhh... i have a billion more so if none of those interest you let me know and i'll share more. thank yew so much for your interest in my opinions and i hope there's something here you can appreciate!!!~~

[ashipikaur]

I must know everything about the misukazu baby 🙏 PLS

HI FELLOW MISUKAZUER 🫡 i will try my best to give my thoughts about the tiniest boy ever!!!!!! it would be easier if he had a set name but 😭😭😭 alas names are hard to deicide on…… it’s like naming my own kid

🤔 a twt follower had suggested kazumi before WHICH IS SUPER CUTE but it really is their names meshed together www. i was thinking mitsu- smth like mitsuyo? but unsure if it’s too many mi’s or yo’s (w the miyoshi surname for that W3 kanji) <\3 so i’ll just call him mitsu for now!!!

🧍‍♂️ UM. as for how he was brought into this world. i really seriously have no answer. friend stopped me middle of our conversation and asked and i stared at him thru the digital screen. let’s just pretend that mskz was blessed w a child MANKAI’S MYSTERIES STRIKE YET AGAIN!

IVE ONLY DRAWN HIM THREE TIMES but i stayed up late a friend yapping about mankai babysitters and this is the tentative tier list ^ I TAKE CRITICISM!!!

for one i think yukki would be an AMAZING uncle. like i’m talking buying clothes making clothes and making sure mskz’s kid looks cute at all times. like you can’t have a baby not looking their cutest when he’s around yk. mitsu loves yukki and yukki loves mitsu!!! tho he won’t always admit to it HAHAHA

^ ALSO i soooo think that he made the sankaku kun (baby friendly ver) as soon as he heard about the kid. he was super “it’s nothing, i just wanted to make sure your kid has something cute to reference whenever I’m not in the room” or smth along those lines ���

as for tenma i think the first time he met mitsu for the first time (where mitsu could actually acknowledge him) and mitsu was immediately like “tenten!” “?!?! TENTEN?” 😭😭 like kazu DEFO showed his kid television and would point at the tv and go “that’s uncle tenten! you’ll meet him one day ♪” and so obvi when you meet the guy in the flesh. that’s tenten for reals

“kazunari why did you teach your kid to call me tenten.” “WDYM? you’re tenten!” “……….”

i think tenma has the power to make mitsu cry on accident (at least when he was small) but also has the ability to make him laugh immediately after 🫶 like a true clown

!!! also i think one time sumi was busy and kazu had to run around w mitsu and he had a hangout planned w homare and just had to bring the kid. surprisingly enough homare enjoyed his company SOOOOO MUCH that he asked kazunari to bring him again the next time I THINK THATS GREAT. kazu was pleasantly surprised

and as a final one itaru who was asked to babysit for the first time and immediately was like “if you’re misumi’s kid that’s got to mean you’ve got some insane physical capability, and that also means i’m not running around for an hour straight trying to catch a tiny kid. ever heard of the otome genre?” and just ended up yapping about his best boys and girls to this not yet verbal toddler 😭😭😭😭 I THINK ITS GREAT IMAGERY

🫶🫶 and as a last little thing i think there’s smth so bittersweet about sumi holding mitsu for the first time and really realizing that he has a kid. a kid to love and adore and nurture and give the childhood that he didn’t have yk. like sumi is going to love this kid to his fullest extent and to so much more and to do it alongside the man he loves so much!!!! I LOVE MISUKAZU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 it’s so peak. sankyu for listening

[secretlythepits]

Atta Girl

We were 2 blocks from home.

There were patches of nasty traffic I had to manage my emotions through. It was effortful.

All day I had seen a bright blue sky I wanted to be under, but most of it was blocked by frosted glass. Late in the day storms came, the blue turned to gloom just in time for us to enter it.

The day was supposed to be 4 hours max, to which I added 2. It was 8 hours, 2 missed meals. And when it was finally time to go, my husband remembered his fmla paperwork and called an administrator as the iv was literally being taken from his arm. We waited for her to come. We had spent 8 hours in the building doing nothing. The nurse offered to hand off the paperwork. My husband wanted to stick around and do it himself. I wanted to scream, but kept it buttoned. We cleared the room so someone else could use it and were back in the lobby. After 15 minutes my husband decided to give it to the nurse after all.

I drove home.

Traffic is extremely stressful for me and always makes me work very hard to calm my nervous system. My husband criticized me for not edging out a driver who was looking to cut me off. I should maintain my lane position and not give an inch, even though it could mean an accident. Even though I still got by without him cutting me off. I let it pass.

Two blocks from home, I should turn here, not up ahead. I say, “Hey, if I’m going to be the driver…”

He cut me off. Dove right into always/never accusations of all time. It quietly dawned on me that he hadn’t thanked me. I adjusted his blankets dozens of times. I helped him to the bathroom probably 10 times. I got his food and drinks. I sat in the itchiness of missing a summer day while he mostly slept. And he didn’t thank me. I feel the need to hear it until I heard its opposite.

I’m so angry. I’m angry that it made my old feelings of resentment at his care because he neglected my care when I had a brain infection for 3 years! I had processed that, but poke deep enough and the wound is still there. I am angry that as a woman no matter what sacrifices I make, it will just be considered my duty as a wife. All sacrifices women make only hurt themselves and are never appreciated as sacrifices because deep down there is a core belief that our lives are supposed to be sacrificed. They are never our own precious possession. I am angry that the choice is: eat sh*t or argue, when all I wanted was to set a simple boundary. I am angry that his side effects will hit in the coming hours and days to and now it’s not easy to just be kind and generous. It’s an effort and burden because I have to tamp down this anger to do it.

And it didn’t need to be hard!

I am angry that I came home and my son hadn’t thawed the food I asked him to take out of the freezer and it was too late, so no good meals all day for me. I am angry that my other son didn’t turn on the damn robot vacuum cleaner like I asked him to so the floors are dirty. I am angry that I texted both kids 10 times each and only got 2 replies. I am angry that breakfast dishes were in the sink and the boxes I told them to move were left to trip over in our entry. I am angry that they are annoyed at me when all they did was play video games all day.

I feel like today should have ended with an atta girl!

But it’s not just my family I’m missing it from. It’s hard for me to feel good about myself when everyone I live with is mad at me. I know they are wrong, but it doesn’t change the vibe. I don’t deserve to sacrifice my whole day for others and then not even get to feel good about it.

I deserve a f**king atta girl!

Thanks, Mom.

You’re the best.

I love you.

I think it’s time I start talking to myself:

Atta girl!

You are welcome.

You’re the best.

I love you.

[hamsandwich4736251]

Masterlist

It’s taken me months to finally gets around to doing this but welp here we go

Hi! I’m me, you can call me Ham (bc thats what i can think of rn!) or another thing if we talk and you come up with literally anything better

But ya, im technically a MINOR!!!, so please no nsfw yall -but also heavily traumatized so warning i do not act like a minor when i complain

Ive got a lot of interests so i’ll try to keep it short and spare us all from the rambling (if you would like in depth rambling however i am so down to chat away with people about blorbos and theories so ya!)

Ok enough stalling, now introducing the interests:

Dragons!!

Pokemon

Rocks

Theories

Cats

Tickles (a more recent thing, might ramble later on how i got introduced and how different things caused my first Ler and Lee moods but not here lol)

Books!!

Video games - mostly lore and designs sorry not really multiplayers

And fashion a bit

Ok and now the fandoms, this might take a while and i’ll probably need to update later:

Pokemon

Wings of Fire

And other dragon series, mainly The Waking Fire series and another series i dont remember the name of but i think one of the books in it is called The Fire Within

Undertale

Hoh boy this one goes deep -i got into it right before covid started and between a lot of sudden free time, and a need to escape, and the fact right when i got into it was when the Aus were really picking up— it goes so deep you dont understand i can Ramble about theories i heard years ago like theres no tomorrow its insane

Deltarune

Glitchtale

Legend of Zelda

Arcane

Fnaf (a bit, only got into it bc of security breach bc i do NOT like jumpscares at all ;-;)

Genshin Impact (my friends dragged me into it)

Dune (slowly getting into it bc of my family)

Grishaverse

Especially Six of Crows!!!!!

Daredevil (yo religious trauma goes crazy with liking this show lmao)

Hadestown (only heard the audio but i love it)

Hollow Knight

Voltron

Bleach (first anime ever, standards are high lol)(some of the best soundtracks ive ever heard i swear)

HunterxHunter (again, dragged into by friends- still like tho)

Anddddd a bunch of others i don’t remember rn, but if youre into the stuff above im always happy to get more interests lol

Cuphead (the music is so good)

Bendy and the Ink Machine (THE FAN SONGS ARE WHAT GOT WE INTO IT AND THEYRE SO GOOD ADKWKANSJWKSKEI)

Sk8 the Infinity (i love the characters so much)(except for Adam fuc dat guy all the way until the very last couple scenes where he stops being as excessive)(then hes just odd instead of No)

Ok, youve made it this far?? Damn congrats bro

Youve unlocked a few broad things i dont like!!:

Bugs

Bigots

Homophobes

Spiders

Trybophobia

Needles (this one is 100% a phobia)

Racists

Bullying (teasing is completely fine but bullying is a no bc ✨trauma✨ lmao)

Non consent anything (other than maybe health)

Like being forced to eat if you havent eaten in 3 days is not good, but its not bad either yk? But being forced to stand for 5 hours in heels bc youre “supposed to” or anything forced s*xually is a no -yk?

Pedophiles

Almond milk (i am so sorry girlfriend, but i hate it so much you would not believe)(nothing political it just immediately makes me gag lmao)(all the almond milk we get will forever be yours)

The ending of voltron (WHY JUST WHY)

Okkkkk thats all i can think of rn, sorry there arent any cool visuals

I am not good at being open socially (trauma and even before trauma lol) but if you wanna be friends you can totally contact me- i just might not respond at first lol

Last note:

*Tickle community*

i’m still learning and i’m still a bit new

PLEASE nothing sexual

Mainly a ler, but thats bc my girlfriend is exclusively a lee

Would probably be a switch if people tickled me more than a poke every couple weeks but oh well

Oh also i am unbelievably touchstarved so uh theres that too

Its actually so extreme touchstarved but thats embarrassing to say lmao

But anyway, the only way ive really interacted with tickling is from my girfriend, so i tend to see it as kinda romantic- and at the very least intimate yk (cant tell if thats the trauma and touch starvation talking but oh well)

Also i am unbelievably socially anxious for the first like 5 interactions with someone just to warn anyone who read the insanity above and wants to be friends

Basically: totally down to be friends!!! Im just gonna be hella anxious at first lol

OKKKKKKKK if youve made it this far that is truly impressive, so congrats!!!!! Also you might want to grab to eat or drink bc holy smalonoli i rambled and that probably took a while to read

[sergeifyodorov]

willy mitch and auston for the character ask thing? <3

FIRST IMPRESSION

now bcause of Leafs Cultural Osmosis i had heard of them for a long time before i starting becoming a real leafsguy. Uhh generally i heard the most about auston matthews because he’s big and cool and sexy and hit em with the 4 and all of that. I think my most definitive pre-leafsfan leafs memory of them (him in particular) was once newsscrolling in like the early 21-22 season when he came back, struggled a bit, and then shaved his mustache for movember and started immediately scoring a g/pg

IMPRESSION NOW

Willy: a beautiful blonde Barbie doll of a man. going to gloss over how sexy i find him because it is, genuinely, embarrassing, and instead talk about the fact that he’s a) kind of stupid, but in an exceedingly charming way, b) has named his dogs after famous artists (pablo and banksy are their names), c) is one of the de facto leaders of the nhl’s swedish contingent. he also has this amazing power where he’s like… vibe immune. Like in one of Those Leafs Moments where all hope is lost and you know it is not going to end well, he’s going to score. Or, conversely, when the Leafs have cut the other team open and they’re bleeding all over the place, Willy isn’t going to do much. this means he is both “the only one who scores in the playoffs” and also “never there when they’re winning” which means ppl suspect he’s being carried or something. he’s not. also i suspect he might be a little bit gay but that’s not really my business

Mitch: babygirl of the year 8 years running. I am one of thee premier marner defenders like people hate him for NO REASON. only time ive been mad at my father in the past several years is the other day when i yelled at him for being Wrong About Mitchell but let’s not get into mitchydaddyissues because we can be here for hours about that. he is a creature of light he is Kind On Purpose but also he’s definitely got so much to work through in therapy it’s hard to define. also kind of dumb irl, but hockeywise just absolutely gobsmackingly intelligent. Has the ability to create chances out of nothing i am thinking of so many moments rn but most specifically the oilers game this year where they were down 3-1 and then he just stole it and MAGICKED the leafs into like. 3 goals in 5 minutes and they ended up running away with it. gorgeous. also he is one of the most decorated Winners in ohl history his conn smythe era is almost upon us and i believe this thoroughly

Auston: ALSO SEXY and im NOT embarrassed abt it. Gonna be real theres so many marner scholars out there and i consider myself a trendbreaker. Im a matthews scholar. He’s a virgo you don’t understand him like i (also a virgo) do; he’s meticulous and nerdy and completely blank in his understanding of things he does not care about; he’s whiny and petulant and completely ruthless -- to him there is only the place now, and the goal, and the clear line he needs to draw between point a and point b. he likes things to be Pretty he is fastidious and in that gray area between genre aware and completely oblivious; maybe he is choosing not to take notice of it. he also looks really gay. like are u flagging on purpose mr mustache and earrings

FAVOURITE MOMENT

Willy: overtime winner willy… he is unlike the other leafs stylistically in that he is absolutely fantastic at controlled zone entries AND he has straight-line speed that they. don’t. so this makes him naturally very talented at finding that open space you often get in 3v3 ot and sniping it on the breakaway. i think my fav in this recent years was the one against the blues… he just BURNS tarasenko and forehand-backhands binnington completely effortlessly so sexily. Also him straight up telling steve dangle he couldn’t read

Mitch: POINT STREAK NIGHT. Technically he set the record against tampa in tampa but he TIED the record in toronto against the sharks… it was 2-1 leafs and the sharks had the net empty and mitch was out there and he PASSED on the empty net and we were all like MITCH WHY TAKE THIS FOR URSELF and then the guy he passed to missed. And then he got it back and took the empty net himself and the cheering was so loud and long they had 2 pause the game a lil bit… this was in the recent aftermath of borje salming’s passing and they had the patch on their shoulders, and they were in the actually nice RRs, and mitch was CRYING and i was CRYING and i am STILL CRYING… he means so much to the leafs he WILL be one of the Great Leafs by the time his career is over no leaf will ever wear 16 again after him i love him so much!!! Thats a formative hockey memory

Auston: that time he ate the post and got really really bitchy about it to the press w his swollen lip

IDEA FOR STORY

Willy: now willy is just so cheerily and sexily oblivious it’s honestly kind of hard to maincharacter-ize him. Like he’s just kind of :) chilling. i WOULD like to see a meaningless sitcom episode type beat of him trying to wrangle all of the Swedes to some sort of dinner or something, and shenanigans ensue.

Mitch: the urge to tragic-protagonistize him versus him just being a cheery little motor who’s doing his BEST. i dont know what my mitch niche is he’s really just the emotional heart of it all and im not a very emotional person it is hard 4 me. he’s our main sadman’s bestie <3

Auston: now AUSTON i can write about forever. go read scheherazade etc but in the meantime i think he deserves some begrudging romance. he doesn’t WANT to fall in sappy gay love he’s not sappy he’s not gay and he’s not lovey he wants to WIN CUP but sometimes… WIN CUP comes with bonus SAPPY GAY BOYFRIEND. Also he deserves some erotic tension to knock him off that high horse he’s got a bit. get a leetle bit humiliated. Etc

UNPOPULAR OPINION

Willy: this is really only unpopular among leafs uncles on twitter etc but he is not lazy or emotionally uninvolved at all? He’s literally just coolheaded. U value perseverance and grit but when u get that from a blonde guy who doesn’t hit u don’t value it. that’s genuine xenophobia methinks

Mitch: i don’t get gay vibes from him he’s just real friendly and sweet and pretty. like yeah he definitely messed around w his teammates in juniors but it’s giving more like. experimentation and the results of the experiment were heterosexuality. Bi girl’s straight boyfriend vibes

Auston: coming from my place of Auston Scholarship again i disagree with a lot of the way he’s portrayed in fic… not all of it obvi but i think there’s a certain amount of Big Sexy Latino Guy must therefore be dom top/all this like. anger and feistiness and aggression and stuff when he pretty clearly is not any of that. like he’s never started a fight and tries to stay away from that… in fact his 1 nhl fight (matthews v stamkos, this playoffs) was him clearing up sticks from an earlier shoving match and then stammer going for him to try and draw mutual fighting majors. it’s kinda skeevy and just makes me like. Roll my eyes and leave when he starts getting possessive because he’s. Not really that possessive he likes to share he likes 2 have his guys and likes for all of his guys to like each other… he is having threesomes with bunts and freddie come next season i prommy, not pitting them against each other

FAV RELATIONSHIP

Willy: i think his half-mentorship half-romance with rasmus sandin is really inchresting… also just his general social standing among The Swedes as both one of the country’s best active players AND as a legacy boy

Mitch: 1634 :]

Auston: now im going 2 contradict myself… 1634 are of course platonic/hockey soulmates but i do love his dynamic with Others. The 1634 + machuk dramatic love triangle is v compelling… he did have this fun little Mutual Bastardy relationship with bunts… 9734 is very. Something. and i think the mattdrai girlies who love some regional rivalry high draftee mutual loathing would really enjoy some good good auston/ras dahlin now that machuk is too busy being happily married to sasha barkov

FAV HEADCANON

Willy: he is the oldest boy of six children so he has DEFINITELY done some child wrangling in the past… some oldest brother shenanigans… i think he’s probably great with kids and just with calming down and bossing around those that are younger/obviously less experienced and worldly than him

Mitch: thought the percy jackson books were dense academic texts but obviously really likes greek mythology. so . lied about having read percy jackson (he has not but he says he has)

Auston: paints his toenails