#the goal of this scene was to move the plot a little bit but mostly show you helen and cory's relationship

[daisywords]

I personally know there are multiple types of editing but I've never seen anyone explain it in a way that actually made me understand what the types of editing actually were (yeah cool that you say {}editing is different from []editing but *how*). So if you wanna explain, feel free to.

Your handy-dandy guide to different types of editing

disclaimer: writers, you can literally edit however works for you. these distinction can be useful to your process, or just if you're looking to hire an editor. Not all editors make distinctions in this way; there are various ways of dividing. But no matter what vocabulary you use, it's best practice to start with broad, big-picture stuff and move towards narrower issues. Some editors do all levels of editing, while some specialize.

Developmental Editing (Is it a good story?)

Developmental editing has to do with the content. For a novel, that means working on the bones of the story. The plot. The pacing. The characters. Do their motivations make sense? Can the reader understand why things are happening? Does the story drag in places, or seem to brush past important elements? Do all of the subplots get resolved? etc. etc. (At this stage an editor is mostly going to be offering suggestions, pointing out issues, and throwing out potential solutions. Beta readers can also be very helpful at this stage to get a reader's perspective on the story beats and characters.)

Line Editing (is it well written?)

Sometimes called substantive editing, line editing is zooming in a little bit more to focus on scenes, paragraphs and sentences. Once we've decided that a scene is going to stay, lets look at the mechanics of how it plays out. Does the scene start to early or too late? Does the writing style communicate the emotions we want the reader to feel? Does the dialogue match the characters' voices? do any of the sentences sound awkward or ugly? Is the movement being bogged down by too much purple prose anywhere, or is there not enough detail? (This can get pretty subjective, so it's important that the writer and the editor are on the same page with taste, style goals, etc.)

Copy Editing (is is correct?)

Copy editing is all about the details. Think grammar and punctuation. Do the sentences make sense? are they grammatically correct? Is the dialogue punctuated correctly? Any misspellings? Should this be hyphenated? Should this be capitalized? Should we use a numeral, or write out the number? etc etc. A significant part of copy editing is matching everything to a style manual (like Chicago or AP) a house style guide (individualized preferences from a publisher, for example), and a project's own internal style sheet (are the character's names spelled the same every time? if we used "leaped" in chapter 4, we shouldn't use "leapt" in chapter 7) Copy editing is still subjective, but less so than the earlier levels, so a copyeditor will be more likely to just go in and make a bunch of (tracked!) changes without consulting the author for everything.

Bonus: Proofreading (did the copyeditor catch everything? are there typos? formatting issues? have any errors been introduced?)

Lots of people say editing when they really mean proofreading. Proofreading is the absolute last thing to get done. It's the one last pass just before something is published. It's important, but as you can see, there's a whole lot more to editing than just checking for typos.

[magicalrocketships]

Hello hello I heard from em powerful-owl that you're you're cooking up a steamy and emotionall devastating maxiel fic with certain... elements 👀 and kinks 👀 and circumstances 👀 that I might be interested in (I've been being insane over in her asks about pillow humping, among other things lol idk if you've seen) anyway I just wanted to say I'm so excited for your fic! I want to wave my little pompoms and generally cheerlead you because I love our little f1rpf community and the,like, 2 things ive heard about this fic already have me blushing and foaming at the mouth. But. 😊😵‍💫 In a sexy way. 💖 (?? Hang on..pompoms... Maxiel au where max is a way-too-serious football player and daniel is a cheerleader and they have sex about it?? Is that anything) okbye 👍

Y E S, yes, there is a fic a-cooking which has SOME STUFF IN IT YOU MIGHT ENJOY, we can be our own little team of people going feral for a little pillow humping in a fic. In FACT, if you would like a snippet, then you can have one just now. It's basically lots of little snippets from a longer scene, so all the plot bits are gone because they'll make no sense without context, and there's just... you know. Max being a little bit raw at the edges from some plot stuff (not that there's MUCH of a plot, it's mostly 70k+ of Max figuring out who he is on and off the track, and where Daniel fits in) and being by himself in a hotel room etc etc. There's some metaphorical cheerleading by Daniel in this (no actual pom-poms were harmed) but there is a shared hoodie (and by shared, I mean, it's Max's now but it used to be Daniel's).

Max/Daniel, explicit, 2.5k.

Max drinks half a can of Red Bull, takes off his jeans, and puts on Daniel's yellow hoodie. It does not smell very much like Daniel anymore but it is nice that it is his - or was his, because it is Max's now, and Daniel is not allowed to have it back. Max tucks it over his nose for a moment as the screen loads on his TV, sitting down in the seat, controller in hand.

Then, carefully, as his game loads, he stands up and gets one of the pillows. He arranges it in the middle of the bed, lengthways. He lays down on the bed, dick pressed against the pillow, and gives his hips a little roll, just to see.

It feels nice. It always feels nice.

---

Max presses his hips forward against the pillow, holding himself there, squeezing his ass, dick chubbing up in his briefs. He likes this feeling, where his body is getting comfortable, dick getting hard. On the screen he scrolls through his saves to pick the one he wants to play, game loading. He could adjust his dick now that he's mostly hard, angle it so that it's pointing down between his legs because it's easier to rub himself off like that, but he's playing by his own rules and he doesn't want to touch. Anyway, sometimes it's nice to catch the side of his dick, rub a little to the left. It doesn't matter much. He just likes it all.

There's the first little blurt of pre-come, the wet spot in his underwear, the head catching and the material dragging as he presses his hips down. The pillow is going to get wet too, little damp patches as he gets more and more turned on and can't keep still. He deliberately does not speed up. This is his out lap. There's no benefit in going too fast. It can be a whole evening of out laps. No one's watching.

His hips move slowly, and he's up on his elbows for his game, but other than that he's lazy with it. He's not taken his socks off and his toes are pressed up the headboard. A hazy warmth spreads across his skin. He doesn't want to get too hot, otherwise he'll have to take Daniel's hoodie off, and right now he'd rather be in it.

He plays for a while, not his main play through of the game where he needs to focus, but on one he keeps for when he's not paying full attention. The whole time he's hard, rolling his hips down against the pillow. He gets so wet, even like this, even when it's lazy and there's no goal in sight and he's not even focusing all that hard. He just keeps on leaking even when he's not rushed, and right now his underwear is wet all around the tip of his dick.

His phone buzzes with a text so he pauses his game in case it is important. He rubs his dick against the pillow, a little side to side that makes him shiver as his underwear drags across his skin.

It's Daniel: what you up to maxy max???

Max swallows. His thumb hovers over the screen. He does not know what to say. He has not seen Daniel all day, and now he is-- well. He puts the controller down on the bed next to him and rubs his dick against the pillow, except this time with a little more intention. He hides his face in his hands. It feels so good. He shifts his knees so that he's at a different angle, going onto his toes so his calves are stretched out.

---

Did u show yourself a good time maxy

Max does not know what to say to that. It is a nice time. He likes it. It is just--

Maxxxxxxx are u doing it right now is that why u are ignoring me

Max chews his lip. He grinds down, hips rocking. It is not as nice as the pillow he has at home.

His phone starts to vibrate. It is Daniel calling.

Max, torn between embarrassment and a desperate need to hear Daniel's voice again, answers. Except-- it is FaceTime. Max is breathless and pink. What if Daniel is with someone, what if Daniel is not alone, what if--

Daniel is in his hotel room. "Did you come without me?" he asks, laughing, settling himself on the bed. "I told you that orgasms were a good thing, I said--" he stops. "Max. Are you doing it right now?"

"Are you by yourself?" Max asks. He's forced himself to stay still. On the screen he's pink and flushed and his face is blotchy.

"Yeah, of course. It's just me." Daniel whips the camera around to show Max the room. It's empty. "Are you jerking off?"

Max shrugs his shoulders. He is not not jerking off. It is just that maybe it does not count if Max is only fucking a pillow. It is not even fucking. It is rubbing his dick on something that feels nice. He is not even undressed.

"In my hoodie as well, I'm honoured," Daniel says. "You are though, aren't you? In my hoodie." His voice catches a bit. "Max."

"I am not touching myself," Max says finally. "I do not know if it counts. If I am not touching." He rolls his hips down, leaning forward a little so that the angle is better.

--

Max angles the phone down. The screen gets his chin, then Daniel's hoodie, then his briefs -- his one grey pair, so it is a hundred times more obvious that he has leaked in a big circle around his erection -- and him straddling the pillows.

"Can you see?" Max asks.

"I can see how hard you are," Daniel tells him. "How wet you've got. I fucking love how wet you get, babe."

Babe. "No. Can you see." Max rolls his hips forward so that his dick rubs against the pillow. His thighs are thicker when he's kneeling like this. He holds his phone in one hand and presses his fingertips into his thigh with the other. His hips rock forward; he has to squeeze his ass to stay like that.

"I can see you riding that pillow," Daniel says. His voice catches. "It's hot as fuck. Max, it's hot as fuck. I'm already hard."

--- (Daniel has come to his hotel room) ---

Max makes a face at him. "I am very glad that you are not showing your dick off to anybody you meet in the hotel, Daniel."

Daniel makes finger guns at him. "I save that only for you, baby."

"I am very honoured," Max tells him.

"You should be." Daniel hasn't touched him or kissed him or anything, but he looks a bit flushed and maybe like he wants to. Max does not reach for him. "Weren't you in the middle of something important?" He looks behind Max to the bed, and the messy covers and the pillows in the middle of it.

"I do not think it counts as important, Daniel."

Daniel makes a noise like a disgruntled hamster. It is barely a noise at all but the hamster has made its feelings known. "I think you coming is important. I also think me getting to see you come is important." He does not leave any room for Max to say anything back. "Glad we agree. Come on, chop-chop. Some of us want to wank watching other people rub one out on a pillow."

"You are very strange," Max says, but his entire body feels hot.

"That's what all the handsome boys say," Daniel agrees, patting Max on the ass.

Max flushes. "You-- you won't laugh?" There is only Daniel in the world who knows that Max is queer. That is his secret and it is nice that it is shared. But only Max knows how he likes to get off, and now he is sharing it and it is scarier than it should be. It is only an orgasm. It does not hurt anyone.

Daniel's expression softens. He reaches over and touches his fingertips to Max's wrist. "I won't laugh. Promise. I think it's really hot. That's why I ran down here doing my best impression of a tripod."

Max looks down at Daniel's dick. It is not big enough to be a tripod. He raises an eyebrow in Daniel's direction.

"Fine, fine, kick a man while he's down, tell him his dick's not worthy of being a third leg. I won't be offended." He flops down onto the chair, not seeming vaguely bothered that he's just sat on his phone and charger and hoodie. He cups his dick through his shorts. He's hard. He stretches his legs out; he's in his stupid mismatched shoes, barely laced up, and no socks.

Max climbs back onto the bed, straddling the pillows. He arranges himself so that his dick's trapped beneath him, going back between his legs, and he grinds down against the pillow, a delicious warmth trip-spilling across his skin as he gets himself comfortable. He still hasn't taken his underwear off. His hoodie obscures the view a bit. He fiddles with the cuffs.

Daniel holds his hand out. "Give it here and I'll wear it for you. It'll be like febreezing it except it's just a top-up of me and my very manly aroma."

Max pulls off his hoodie. He is getting warm in it anyway, and if Daniel leaves wearing it then Max will just go and get it back again. That hoodie is his now, regardless of who originally bought it. He is not wearing a t-shirt underneath, which is maybe why Daniel looks a bit like he's attempted to go backwards around the track as Max pulls it off then throws the hoodie at him.

---

"This how you like to do it?" Daniel asks, because he's never met a silence he didn't like to fill.

Max bites his lip. He's kneeling, fists pressed into the sheets. He does not think he could stop rocking down against the pillows now, even if Daniel asked. It gets like this, when he's almost done with the out lap, but he is not quite ready for a hot one. "I just like it," he says.

"Feels good," Daniel says, nodding. He's still cupping his dick, not jerking himself off, but looking like he wants to.

"Can I--" Max points at Daniel's dick. He tilts his chin up. "Show me?"

"As you wish," Daniel says, shuffling his shorts down over his hips. He shoves his stuff off the seat at the same time, so he's not sitting on his phone charger. His shorts and underwear are trapped around his thighs. It is very hot, seeing Daniel with his dick out. He is very handsome. Especially when he is in Max's hoodie.

Max grinds down into the pillow. His dick feels so good like this, trapped in his briefs, so, so wet. Now that Daniel is here and he is watching, everything suddenly feels more urgent, like he wants to fuck from now until he comes, no more lazily rubbing himself off.

---

Max fucks his hips forward. He blurts more pre-come into his underwear. Daniel's dick is so slick, and his hand around it lazy and wet with lube. Max chews on his lip, his mouth dry. He shoves at his underwear, pushing it down so that it is trapped beneath his balls, stretched tight and a little painful across his his thighs.

"God, I love your dick," Daniel says.

Max does not touch himself, even though he wants to. His dick drags against the pillowcase, leaving little damp marks on the cotton. "Yours is very handsome too."

"I know, baby." Daniel grins, but then his gaze goes back to Max's dick, at where he's rubbing himself off. "This is hot. This is how you come?"

"A lot of the time, yes," Max tells him. "I like it."

---

Max buries his fists in the pillows, holding himself up so he can fuck his hips forward, arousal drenching his skin. It is a good thing he has lost the hoodie because he is flushed pink and starting to sweat, skin blotchy with heat. The muscles in his thighs flex. He still dreams of riding Daniel's thigh, of rubbing himself off across Daniel's tattoos, of coming all over them. It is not-- they are not-- maybe he will still get to.

---

"You going to come for me like that?" Daniel asks. He has shoved the sleeves of the hoodie up, and Max can see the rose tattoo on his hand. Maybe when he comes on Daniel's thigh he will also get to come across Daniel's rose. Imagining that is very hot.

Max just nods, swallowing. He bites his lip again, because if he doesn't he'll make all kinds of embarrassing noises. He changes the angle a bit, whining through his teeth as the cotton catches his slit. He is going to come soon. All of that build up, multiple lazy laps as he played Playstation, is meaning that now it's flipped to a hot lap it's going to be quick. Top of the leaderboard. P1.

He's cataloguing everything he can about Daniel jerking himself off. The way way he cups his balls, switching from thumbing the underside of his head to jacking his dick; Max steals all the data he can, even as he ruts against the pillow, god, it feels so good, he likes it so much--

He is going to come, and he is going to come without even touching himself. He's going to come grinding down on his pillow with Daniel's eyes on him, with Daniel jacking off to him, because of him, in front of him. He is going to come.

Max fucks his dick into the pillow, his orgasm star-bright as he nears the edge. He can taste it on his tongue. He is not at home doing this by himself. He's with Daniel.

He comes, pulsing stripes across the pillow, head tipped back. He groans, breathless, even as he rocks his hips through the comedown, as his orgasm shivers across his skin.

He drops his ass back onto his heels, tilts his chin up. Meets Daniel's gaze defiantly. He has made a mess.

Daniel is still jacking himself off. His skin is flushed pink. He's too hot in the hoodie, Max can tell, but he's still wearing it, he's going to come in it, he's going to come in it and give it back, and Max is going to wear it and smell Daniel and he's going to get hard all over again.

"Fuck," Daniel says. "Fuck, Max. That was so hot."

"You should come, then," Max says. Then, after a beat: "You should come on me."

[pinkcreamypeach]

Murder Drones finale review

The animation in this finale is a visual feast for the eyes. The fighting choreography, the way the characters move, speak and fight - it's all a masterpiece. Cynessa's animations in particular were breathtaking. The way she moves, the way she talks, and the way she fights - it all adds up to an experience worth watching over and over again. Even her walking animation is a joy to behold.And who could forget the fight between Uzi and Cyn? It was the highlight of the finale for me. I must have rewatched it 10 times already. Not to mention the fight between V and J, which was equally amazing. These characters have become my favorite ones in the show, and I wish we could have more scenes with them that are not fight scenes.In addition to the incredible animation, the sound effects and character animations are top-notch. The color scheme, lighting, and scene design in this finale were gorgeous, making it an enjoyable and vibrant experience from start to finish. The team behind this show deserves a standing applause for their impressive work.

The mostly negative long rant

(Below)

The characterization for J in the episode where she has the most screen time is still quite lacking. She is seen with the villain, knowing the whole plan, as if she was the closest to Tessa, so it's unclear why she is so chill with Cyn, who literally skinned her friend and used her corpse. Is J meant to be that way, or was the writing for her character simply not up to par? It's unclear.

V coming back is a great moment, and her fighting is a good addition to the episode. However, it's still a bit disappointing that she barely talked with N, despite clearly having a bond. It would have been nice to see them have a one-on-one conversation about anything, especially given N's panic attack.Lizzy, Thad, and Khan, who barely occupied any screen time and did not have much to do in the episode, could have been cut from the episode altogether. The anticipated fight between them and J seemed to have happened off-screen, which was a missed opportunity to see them in action and fully utilize their potential.

It's also uncertain whether Khan ever discovered Nori's identity after she stole the heart from J. A further issue is what will happen to Khan after she leaves the planet. Additionally, there is no confirmation on whether it was N who killed Nori or not, which would have a significant impact on Khan and Nori's reaction to Nori and N dating.Regarding the Solver's goal, it appears to be to destroy, but it's unclear exactly how. How does Uzi eating the soul (?) of Cyn separate her from the solver completely?In regards to Uzi defeating Cynessa, the way she did it feels somewhat underwhelming, as she was able to predict where she would land but the countless bullets, blasts and sharp weapons barely did anything. Furthermore, her power levels seem to fluctuate when the plot demands it, which only adds to the confusion.

They could have fixed a lot of this by adding at least 5 to 10 minutes more. More interactions and lore dumps could have been added and the fight could have remained most of the episode, but there was so much more to be done. Additionally, J's motivations needed to be expanded, and the ending was too happy and abrupt.I have massive respect for Glitch, Liam, and everyone who worked on Murder Drones. I still love the series, and I believe I always will. However, this episode was just a big action scene with a sudden and abrupt conclusion. I truly don't understand how this was approved in the writing room.Despite my many negative comments and critiques, this finale isn't the worst I've seen. It's not mid, but I can't quite put my finger on why it falls short. It's a mixed bag of emotions for me. On one hand, I'm glad everyone had a happy ending, but I'm deeply disappointed with how the show ended. Seeing Doll's dead body made me feel both sad and a little bit amused. I wish we had more backstory on Doll, Yeva, and Nori. I'm dying to know how Khan met his wife and how Doll's parents met each other.There are a lot of unanswered questions and rushed things in this finale, which makes it disappointing for me. Still, the show isn't bad. I'm glad I watched Murder Drones, and I'll definitely miss it. Thank you to Glitch Productions, Liam Vickers, and everyone who worked on the show for bringing the series to life. I apologize for the lengthy rant.

(Anyways Cyn/cynessa Gifs I found)

[cantsomeoneelsedoit]

Ch 54: Hope

Tozuka likes to visually contrast his characters and this chapter has some great moments. I love how the light plays on their faces on this cover-- Juiz looks divine and Billy looks human.

Billy's friend is named Tella, and it's kinda obvious what his Negation ability is. I love how his antenna looks like the Under logo. In just a few panels, we learn a lot about him.

Tella is extremely loyal to Billy and follows him unquestioningly. As the radioman, he would've needed to stick close to Billy constantly during their mercenary days, so they were already quite close before Under began. If Billy is concerned that Tella could be an easy target for Juiz's ability, it's because Tella's loyalty to Billy is especially strong and pure.

Juiz plays narrator in this scene, standing straight and tall as she explains Billy's plan while he sits in silence, mostly avoiding eye contact with her.

What does Billy want to do with Ark?

The only way he could've thought that would make a decent trade is if he doesn't really know how the Loops work...

Juiz doesn't hold a grudge against him for the rebellion. She'd rather keep working together to collect Artifacts so they can reach their true goal of killing God.

Billy looks surprised that she'd offer to forgive him. His eyes look like he can't forgive himself, either.

Billy is unshaven-- scruffy, even--sitting down and side-eyeing Juiz. His face is drawn with a lot of worry lines and tired creases. Juiz's face is as smooth as a doll's and her eyes look straight ahead.

OK, first of all THAT HEART! What's that?! We've seen all of the other Artifacts in this panel, but the little heart is something new. I really hope it's a D. Gray-Man reference, but it could be Sailor Moon or something entirely different. It kind of looks like folded paper, so maybe it's a Valentine??

And the lore keeps coming! The Artifacts were created by God to defeat God?! Is God just that much of a masochist?

If UU is a metaphor for writing and God is the author, then it would make sense for them to have given the characters tools they could use to challenge the plot and to keep things interesting. A little bit of danger and tension to move the plot along...

It's curious how they seem to be parts of a suit of armor. Are they intended to used by one character who wields all of them or divvied among many characters? Does each Negator have an ideal Artifact?

Back to the conversation, IMO Billy's right to be resentful of the way Juiz has hidden this info for so long. These people were trusting her with their lives, and yet she was the only one who knew the whole story. I don't blame him a bit for being pissed. As a mercenary, he trusted his crew fully, as we can see with Tella.

Juiz has a traditional, top-down style of leadership that depends on a hierarchy (despite the fact that it's called a Round Table). She gives the orders, and the Union follows them even if they don't fully understand the situation until after the mission. When they report to her, she says things like, "That's what I thought..." but there doesn't seem to be any reason for her to have been so cagy.

Billy asks her how she even found out about the origins of the Artifacts, and she opens an entire new can of worms by talking about Ark.

EXCUSE ME?!?

The loops don't just go on forever?! Ark has a limit? Why? How? WTF even is Ark?

I love this page.

The backgrounds, the expressions, the clothes and hair--even how tightly their coats are fastened is contrasted here. It gets even more topsy-turvy because both of them are acting outside of their usual personalities: Juiz has begun to be honest with Billy while he's let his cool, no worries, gunslinger persona slip into a slightly vulnerable, sullen, and wounded version we've never seen.

What will happen when Ark runs out of gas? Does that symbolize an author giving up on writing a good story? What happens to God if this world is destroyed for good? What happens to Victor?

Juiz tells him that Ark can only take one person and informs him that there's no way he could make enough progress to gather Negators and Artifacts in just one attempt. After all, she's looped enough times that she knows what would change about the world and what wouldn't, along with how to use all the Artifacts.

For the first time in the conversation, Billy stands and meets her gaze, demanding to know why she kept all this info to herself.

Now she's the one avoiding eye contact.

(Also, it kinda sounds like she explained it all to one person, but it didn't work out so she just never tried to tell anyone else. Is that true? She never explained everything to anyone except Victor? Not even in any of the other Loops?)

Victor such a bossy pants. (Also that flashback in black and white representing their black and white outlook...)

I wonder what happened that made Victor say it was all too much for her. What was the straw that broke the camel's back? Could it have been that Juiz and Victor had some major setback or defeat? Was it that the Lincoln assassination wasn't prevented??

Or was it that Victor somehow knew that the Ark was running out of fuel, so he wanted Juiz to go live a regular life and just give up on the idea of killing God? Maybe he thinks ignorance would be bliss and the Negators should just do their best to live normal lives without worrying about all this stuff going on behind the curtain.

Juiz is so pretty I can't even

He just wanted her to be happy and not have to live with the burden of being the leader of the Negators and having a near-impossible mission Groundhog Day existence. That's really sweet, but... killing God would allow everyone to be happy and live without so much suffering.

FINALLY, Juiz tells Billy that she'll tell him everything. It's cool how she extends across two panels on this page like she's stepping outside of her usual comfort zone.

How much does Juiz really know about Billy's ability? Was she already aware of it from previous Loops? How much does she know about the potential of all the abilities?

FUUKO IS THE ONE! Victor knows it! Juiz knows it! Andy knows it! Akira knows it! Fuuko is our special miracle girl! And with that revelation, Juiz asks Billy to rejoin her.

But Billy seems uninspired. And his expression changed to something more certain and determined.

He calls out to Tella to pass him a cube, and Tella immediately springs into action. He's so incredibly dependable, PLUS this means he's been listening to the entire convo and was never out of the loop (hehe) on what was being said. It implies a level of transparency he has with his team (or at least with Tella) that Juiz didn't have with hers.

I love his line here. "You've always been right. But that's not good enough." Absolutely ice cold.

UMA Burn eats the cube and begins to transform. Meanwhile, Juiz pulls out her own pokeball and feeds it a cube. Spoil, that delightful imp, immediately begins trash talking. Bless him.

Billy and Juiz face off with these almost-smiles on their faces like they both knew it would come to this. They each know the other is too stubborn and idealistic to back down.

And they're not just going to let their UMA battle it out, since they each draw their weapons. Juiz admitted earlier that Billy's power was more useful than hers. Does she really think she can overpower him here? And will we be getting more sassy Spoil one-liners?

Masterpost

[siren-sashimi]

Hey, I had some questions about your marquis de gramont ballet fic

1: how does the reader do under Vincent’s tuleage

2: I know you said that chidi tries to know things about ballet to connect with the reader but does he ever make a move (I.e asking the reader out)? If so, does the reader reciprocate his feelings?

3: does Vincent ever find out about chidi’s crush? If so, does he support chidi or does he block him?

4: If he blocks chidi is it out of professional disdain (like “you’re both working with me, I don’t want you dating”) or is it because HE also feels something for the reader and wants to pursue them

Hello Anon! :D

Alright, the reader dating Chidi under Vincent's patronage was a separate story coming to my mind which might branch off from Hemimetabolism.

So generally, even without Vincent as romantic endgame, Vincent is very much someone who doesn't dish out favours without the work if he doesn't want to. And Vincent wants someone who does work for the money he pays and the prestige he gives them. Meaning, he sees a lot of potential in the reader but also demands them to overcome any restraints and doubts to give it their all. He wants the reader to focus and set clear goals. Casting choices, landing good spots is an easy exercise in influence for him. Actually it's not that bad to work in an artistic arrangement for him you're mostly left alone. But when demands to deliver you have to deliver in best form. So the reader is constantly labouring on, reflecting, ironing out details in their work. The thing is, it can mentally separate this protegée from their environment because they don't have to compete anymore against someone but only need improve for this man. And the oportunities he offers are amazing. Although be it, if Vincent wants to see you dance for the company in St. Petersburg the reader has to out all their effort to be worthy of St. Petersburg. At some point humoring Vincent becomes a runner because he's so enrapturing, he can easily outshine anything else in the reader's life.

Okay now to a plot bunny with Chidi. *rubs hands and cackles* As far as Chidi sees it both of you are employees under Vincent. While you might get a bit more pampered that treatment is more due to the nature of your job. In the end Vincent isn't too emotionally attached to any employee, loosing them is a mere loss of good staff. (Unless Vincent is personally more interested but that's another story. ;))

Let's say on the ocassions they meet Chidi isn't directly flirting, at least not with his boss present but he smiles at, compliments, and sometimes even makes little jokes with the reader. Intensity growing with each meeting. And it's nice. Nothing obtrusive but a relief to have someone be nice to a reader when they have to approach a very demanding Marquis de Gramont. Not that Chidi can't be nice to other people but he opens himself up because he is crushing on you. Only after you're noticeably easy going with him, he begins to flirt with you when you're on a coffee break, whenever Vincent happens to be in town.

On the reader's part it is all more a classical case of slowly building up romance with a a guy at work who seems nice enough to try going on a date with. Event though the work is on a shadier side life. Oh yeah, Chidi dating the reader is something needs to notice for a very long time. Again, Vincent is too absorbed in his own matters to spend much time thinking in any humane way about his employees. Maybe it takes such an obvious scene as him seeing Chidi hand you a bit bouquet backstage and kissing your cheek after a performance of yours.

Now, two outcomes: 1. If Vincent sees the reader purely as employed for "art for art's sake" then he might maybe sit the two of you down and make some things very clear. In the end he tolerates it more than he approves, afterall the reader could've dated anyone while under patronage, in this case it just happens to be Vincent's bloodhound. (Vincent just didn't think about it before.) The Marquis' demands are super invasive, during the talk the reader feels more like property than a person. The Marquis "allows" this relationship to happen under the condition that you remain "intact". Meaning: No injuries, no marks on stage (this is not the right moment to remind the Marquis that stage make up exists), no pregnancy, any personal drama shall not affect your performance, no romance related retirement for both of you. Chidi is less shaken by the speech than the reader is as he already lives a life under similar conditions, all submitted to the will of the Marquis de Gramont. Safe to say, while the incident of conditional speech is unnerving, Chidi and the reader can go on as usual.

2. Alternative if Vincent harbors a crush on the reader. Oh boy, does he become possessive. Chidi's very much used to Vincent's mercurial personality as well as living a life with the primary raison d'être: All for the will of the Marquis de Gramont. Vincent retaliates by first forbidding Chidi to see you (no explanation as to why,) even goes so far to switch the Myrmidone who accompanies him for cultural excursions. Chidi is very much unhappy about this but his life is so centered around the Marquis that his resistance lies only in a very honest letter to the reader. In which he writes that he's forbidden to see you, what he loves about you, how much he wishes for you prospering. Time by time Chidi is ever so romantic sending a bouquet anonymously. The reader knows it was him, the bouquets always bear at least one one of their favourite flowers.

It's not like as if Chidi doesn't suspect the Marquis acting out of personal impulse but it's not in their relationship to question the Marquis. At least Vincent is intelligent enough to pursue the reader under Chidi's notice. One has to keep their employees somewhat happy, aka not give them a reason to revolt or quitting the job. But Vincent could enter unsavory territory by explaining to the reader dating would ruin their performance (again, if he wasn't interested he would only care if relationships actually interfered with the reader's work) while slowly but surely dismantling the reader's defenses around him. Like invading their privacy more and more by having unnecessary personal meetings, sending the reader clothes and jewelry he wants to see the reader wearing for him on galas or charity events, secretly odering the costume staff to design the reader's costume in a way he likes to see on them. Vincent will also aggressively try to outmatch anyone nearing you. You were invited for a date? Ah, it just happens that Vincent would like to have a performance review. Someone showed interest in you? Their past dirt is dragged out without mercy. You privately show signs of unhappiness to be this lonely? Suddenly the Marquis de Gramont is personally at your doorstep and shows a previously unknown capability of attentiveness.

[magpies-gold]

I may have finally unlocked the thing what turns my unhealthy overproductive causes-me-burnout creativity into enjoyable creativity - and it's called working off of vibes.

In the past I've tried just taking breaks from being creative, but that never works. Doing things other than being creative just feels like I've put myself in time out from the thing I actually like doing. Ultimately, I want to be creative. I love making art! I love writing stories! I genuinely get life from being my artistic self like.... all the heckin' time. It's all I genuinely want to do is make stuff. What I don't get life from is making it a grind. Working to rigid schedules, focusing on daily goals and - oh my lord, I despise the push to monetize it. I'm leaning hard away from that these days, and I'm not sure how far I'll ultimately take my aversion to pursuing profit from my creative ventures. It doesn't make me significantly happier to make money off of it (even though sometimes it's necessary, like when disaster strikes and I don't readily have four digits in the bank account to fix whatever's exploded), especially when making money comes with added stress from things like figuring out the taxes on what I've made, and the horrors of the perpetual chase to make more money. The emotional balance trends towards the negative and I'm over it. So I'm attempting a vibes-based approach - doing things when it's good for me to, and in a way that is fun. Some of it's a bit of concerted de-programming: for example, my webcomic is a source of truly bad habits for no good reason. It exists only on my Patreon, and it is exceptionally obscure and always was. There is very little point in wearing myself out trying to pour twenty hours a week into a new page every single week just because one is supposed to stick to a schedule, but over the last decade or so I programmed myself very well to do just that. Getting out of that rut so that I can have a healthy relationship with it again is a fight, but I'm winning. I want to chase the short term happy of getting a new page queued up every Monday, but instead I'm refusing to do so. If the page is done, I queue it up a few days late. And then the next week a few days later than that. Always a different number of days, pushing it out of sync so that I can't fall back into routine and neither can my handful of readers. I did not ever promise them a schedule. A schedule is bad for me. Result? I (mostly) drew three pages this weekend and enjoyed it. They're not done, but I made a heck of a dent and didn't feel gross about it. I'll finish them over the course of the next week or so, in bits and pieces rather than forcing myself to sit still for hours at a time until the page is done. I should be stopping when I'm done. I'm also way happier with the art I'm making. I'm still churning it out quick, but the lack of self-imposed deadlines means that I can have fun with it. I'm doing similar things with my writing. It's nice when I can keep Alpha Base moving forward, but for the last while I've been muddling around in different directions than forward and it's actually getting the creative wheels spinning in my head better than the methodical one-step-in-front-of-the-other approach. If I have a hankering to jump elsewhere in the plot and write a scene, I do. If I need to explore an aspect of a character that technically falls into a prequel (because dang it, I'm starting to develop prequel material) then I go for that. If writing a drabble that might not even land in the book, or any of the book(s), is what I need, then I'm doing that, and it doesn't matter if I'm "ready" to or "there yet" - I'm just doing it. Vibes. It's all worthwhile.  Hell, I spent most of the weekend writing a purely fluff scene (me! writing fluff!) between two of my antagonists and I think that was one of the best ways to spend a weekend. I feel damn good about it and learned a ton about them both. I think I even know where in the book to put it, and I sure didn't when I started writing. Didn't know that would happen! Life's too short to spend turning everything into a dang job.  I just want to play. So to hell with it. We play.

[onegirlatelier]

Film costume analysis | Daisy's red dress in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

(mild spoiler alert!)

Intro

I have a million and one things to write about, and I have to start somewhere, and I can’t believe that no one’s done a costume analysis on this specific dress. The film (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, dir. David Finch) came out in 2008. I was far too young back in 2008 to remember anything about the internet, so I’m not sure whether it’s because there had not developed a niche for film costumes on the internet yet or that this film was generally overlooked (imo), but there is really very little coverage of this dress on the internet. Besides, some links do not work anymore and some pages are archived.

For me, though, it has a permanent place in my mind because it’s a combination of period drama plus ballet plus contemplation on time plus the one and only Ms. Cate Blanchett. Dunno if one could ask for more in a film.

Red also happens to be my very, VERY favourite colour.

I haven’t made a Western (as in opposition to Chinese) dress for absolute ages, and I have never done a couture dress with a boned bodice. Hence I would love to grow some skills by attempting to replicate this red dress, probably making it a bit more haute couture than the original one as I imagine the industrial standards for a costume are slightly different from a couture gown.

(I cannot, for the life of me, find the current location of this dress via internet – so my best guess is that it’s in the storage of the film studio, if not in a private collection. If they put it on display I would totally book a ticket to the US okay.)

The film clip

The biggest source is of course the film itself. This section of the plot starts from around 1:26:00, and the dress appears in what is called ‘the gazebo scene’ several minutes later. There is not much material because its appearance lasts maybe five minutes in total, and mostly in dim lighting and mist. Still there are a few things to be noted. (Excuse the subtitles, ahem.)

First of all, the V-shaped neckline and the V-shaped low back. I love love this style. Looking closely, you can also see the placement of gatherings along the neckline and the back.

The sleeves are in one piece with the bodice, which is known as kimono sleeves (which feels a teeny bit strange because they have little to do with actual kimono sleeves). There is some underarm wrinkles, which is totally necessary as she needs to raise her arms when dancing.

The neckline is technically not off-shoulder, but it’s really barely on the shoulders and I doubt that the shoulder area had any major supporting role in the hanging of this dress. It certainly wouldn’t for me, since I have very slope-y shoulders and a bodice like that with no inner support would slip right off. The bodice has to be boned and its weight should be distributed to the waist instead of the shoulders, if I am to keep this beautiful neckline. I think the original was likely boned anyways, as suggested by this still. However, we also know that Daisy danced in this dress and it seems flexible like a tutu bodice, which means another source of reference is tutus/ballet costumes. I know the side panels of tutu bodices (when made in non-stretchy materials) are cut on bias, as shown in this picture.

The reason for this is to make the side panels fit tightly to the dancer’s torso whilst allowing some room for movement and breathing. I’m not sure how to use this piece of information, though, because as far as I can see there are no extra seams except for the CF, CB, and side seams. Perhaps I will try structuring the boned inner support on bias, as I’ve seen actual corsets being done like that. Ultimately the goal is to make a bodice that can cling to the body without shoulder hangings.

Back to the film clip. I try to choose a suitable fabric by observing how the dress moves and reflects light. (This has a lot to do with the film lighting, on which my guesses are based, and I understand that in real life and under other types of lighting the effects could be much different.) Let me start by stating that I’m choosing a silk because if I’m going to spend all this time on this dress, it had better be made of proper good materials. (The gazebo scene is available on YT should you want to see it in action.)

First thing I’ve noticed is that the dress does not reflect the light in a sharp, shiny way. It’s easy to think that the fabric has a matte finish, especially when referring to the film clip only, but the clip from blue-ray actually suggests a subtle lustre. The fabric also does not have heavy slubs so I’m ruling out dupioni.

Secondly, the fabric feels quite solid, so no chiffon/georgette/organza.

The skirt has some volume, but we do not see a petticoat (or at least not a separate lining) when Daisy raises her leg as she dances, so the fabric has to be airy and not too drapey. This is where I’m eliminating charmeuse and crepe de chine because I feel that they are too fluid and will not hold the bell shape of the skirt.

The gathers around the bust and the waist are quite soft and delicate, and when Daisy dances we see the fabric slide gently down her leg. For these reasons I’m hesitant about taffeta. I happen to own about five metres of cheap taffeta, and I don’t know whether it’s because it’s cheap and therefore low quality, but it’s very crispy and papery, and produces ‘dry’ gathers. Perhaps the quality/hand has to do with weight too (the one I own is 19 momme and feels too thin for this project). I don’t remember ever touching an expensive and heavy taffeta, so I’m not sure if paying more could remedy the plastic feel.

The above brings me to a choice between a heavier, better taffeta and raw silk (I’ve been told that ‘raw silk’ is the English translation for soie sauvage). Currently, my plan is to make a skirt with my very cheap taffeta and go from there. I will also get samples for both taffeta and raw silk, probably from multiple sources too, because there’s no point in rushing when you are already investing this much, right?

(EDIT: looking at how soft the sleeves hang in the blu-ray clip, I'm willing to consider charmeuse, but at a heavier weight than 20 momme. Duchess is also possible but I worry that 1) it's too heavy for the gathers, 2) it's really not very affordable at the moment.)

Blu-ray behind the scenes

There is a specific section in the blu-ray in which Jacqueline West, the costume designer, talks about the costumes. She specifically discusses this dress, which is actually based on an original.

This shot wonderfully shows the front closure: seven pairs of hooks and eyes with the skirt opening almost directly in the front, though it could be slightly to the right (left side of picture). The hooks and eyes are functional. A layer of fabric from the left side extending as a modesty panel of some sort down the CF. I also noticed the shiny spots on the top of the right side opening and bottom of the left side, but I'm not sure why they were there. The writing overlapping the mannequin reads: ‘Make in deep midnight blue/This is a genuine Claire McCardell dress/Jazz club'. (David Finch had wanted to change the colour until he saw Ms Blanchett in it.)

There are also two sketches.

I have not seen this second one anywhere else on the internet and I’m really pleased about finding it because it illustrates so clearly the intended effect of the bodice and the skirt.

McCardell and the front closure

The Claire McCardell bit is supplemented by an ELLE interview with West. I will quote one specific question and answer from that interview:

Did you have a favorite look for Cate Blanchett's character?

The red dress has become kind of an icon piece. It was a compilation of some different Claire McCardell designs that I loved. The long ballerina-length skirt in 1947—no one else was doing that really in America. It was strictly in Europe, in France. McCardell's favorite color was red, and I put the hooks and eyes that she used on a lot of her clothing down the front as an homage to her. Those hooks aren't made anymore.

This blog article by Isaspacey also helped so much by quoting a Claire McCardell dress at an Augusta auction. The links to the auction have expired so the pictures I’m posting here are reposts from Isaspacey’s blog. (Credits probably belong to Augusta.)

There is also another Claire McCardell dress on Ebay that has hooks and eyes down the front.

I’m going to put the pictures here just in case the link stops working (when someone buys it for $945? I mean, I would.) The pictures were presumably taken by the seller enokiworld. One of these pictures is particularly valuable, as it offers such a clear view of the hook-and-eye closure. I’m not sure about the hooks, but the eyes are sandwiched between the outer layer and an inner layer that simultaneously cover up the seam.

I also really like this dress because it has a dog leg closure for the skirt. I would like to use this type of closure for my replica as I feel it’s more elegant. Then I recalled this tutorial for a mid-19th century dog leg closure, which I first read many years ago for an actual 1850s dress lol. It looks very adaptable to my purpose.

Here is also a picture from an FIDM display a few years ago, showing the left side seam where the gathers are stitched down and not just floating. Also note that 1) again the fabric is not super reflective/shiny, 2) it's just so red I love it. -------------

EDIT 9 September, 2024

I found another Claire McCardell! It's here. I don't want to repost the pictures but please let me know if teh link doesn't work anymore.

And of course, this gown at MET. It has a 'boot-hook' closure in the front.

[nimuetheseawitch]

For ask game, directors cut of your Larrin x Jennifer fic 👀

You probably know some of this already, since you definitely encouraged me in writing this fic, but here's some behind-the-scenes commentary for Sinew and Satin (formerly titled Spread Sheets):

I put it below the cut because it got long and also the fic is smut, so of course it's nsfw.

It all started with watching "The Seed" a little close to watching Firefly. I wanted to incorporate some of what I love about Kaylee into a fic about Jennifer because she doesn't have a ton of characterization in the show - mostly things just happen to her or Rodney and Ronon are into her.

This, of course, led to the idea that with Jennifer's experience turning into a Wraith hive ship combined with her medical knowledge, she would make an excellent Wraith ship mechanic. And who would need a Wraith ship mechanic? Well, Larrin of course!

The basic premise became that Larrin would kidnap Jennifer to help her repair a Wraith ship, just like she kidnapped John for her Alterran ship. But, of course, Jennifer would respond completely differently. And I realized that Larrin would respond completely differently too - she tied up John (I mean, who wouldn't?) and tried to beat him into submission, but that's totally not going to work on Jennifer. I realized that when kidnapped, Jen will go along with things up to a point, but the best way to get her on board was to create a life-threatening situation (like Larrin and John teaming up to deal with the Wraith). I also tend to go on and on if I let myself try to explain the setup, so instead, we start with Jennifer up to her elbows in the hive ship, probably running low on oxygen because the life support systems are failing.

This also gave me a chance to explore her coping mechanisms - when shit happens to her, we see her panic in situations outside her comfort zone. But when it gets down to it, she's a brilliant doctor and seems to usually just need a shift in perspective to get into things.

I love the idea of her pulling kind of a Rodney and getting really bossy once she's in the zone. Yeah, she might be terrified, but once she's set on a task, it doesn't matter that her assisting surgeon is also her captor - she's gonna manhandle her and get shit done. And Larrin is into it. I headcanon Larrin as really into competence because she's had to fight for her position and part of being a good captain is recognizing the skills of your crew. So Larrin is definitely into it, even though they're covered in Wraith hive guts and fighting to breathe. And then, we move into Jen fainting into Larrin's arms like we're in a harlequin romance (pirate queen kidnaps brilliant young doctor, etc.), and a fade to black.

As we get into the sexy bits, I just really wanted to emphasize that Jennifer was a different kind of captive - she's not in a cell, she's in the captain's quarters, surrounded by the kinds of luxuries the Travellers can afford in a life in space. I also just wanted to have Jen naked on satin sheets (but it makes a surprising amount of sense in the plot).

My goal with the sex scene was to flip the script on the kinds of things we usually see with Larrin/John, where Larrin is so very dominant (or very tied up). Jennifer is often shown as nervous and young and kind of swept away by events, but we know she can be dominant and the instigator - supposedly she jumped Rodney on the private jet. So I wanted more of that to shine through. I wanted her to realize, oh shit, Larrin has the hots for me, and then take control. I wanted Larrin to be able to submit without being a prisoner - to get a chance to be overwhelmed and not in charge for once because she's the kind of person who always has to show how much she's in charge. But Jennifer can take care of that.

This was my first ever attempt at femslash, and it is by far the smuttiest I have written so far. I really wanted to focus on textures and make it sensual and drawn out. I felt like both Jen and Larrin deserved someone to really take their time touching them.

In contrast to how things worked out with John, I wanted them to have a romantic goodbye instead of an antagonistic one. I also couldn't resist her giving Larrin a really public goodbye kiss. I love the idea of Jennifer Keller, who lots of people think of as timid, taking this really dominant role with this otherwise incredibly dominant woman. And completely flabbergasting AR-1, who've heard plenty about John's experience. And I couldn't resist having her yell back at Larrin "Call me!"

Title notes: I had no idea what to call this, but "Spread Sheets" was suggested (by you) because I was writing this instead of doing my spreadsheet work, and I thought it was a great title for some smut. And it was, but a few days later, the title Sinew and Satin came to me late at night and then bugged me until I changed it.

I recently have been encouraged in my thoughts of potentially doing more Jennifer/Larrin (again, you are such a good smutstigator), so here are some brief ideas I've had:

As mentioned in the fic, Jennifer could be doing some wellness checks for the Traveller fleet on a friendly planet, and Larrin has some ideas for what Jennifer could do for her wellness

Larrin comes to Atlantis for whatever reason, and they end up doing a much kinkier scene with Jen in charge

Jen has a present for Larrin, and it's John, all tied up and ready to play with (Larrin is still a sub, but John is too)

I'm excited to play with them because they have so much potential. And I want to get better at writing f/f porn.

[misery-and-magic]

•Writeblr Intro•

Hi! I’m Ellie, an ace kitchen witch and aspiring author. I like to write fantasy and adventure for the most part with hints of other genres sprinkled throughout. I try to keep romance to a minimum and though in some stories it’s there, it is certainly never a major part of the plot. I much prefer to develop complex platonic and familial relationships instead.

My goal is to publish a book with minimal romance and no sex scenes that becomes a New York Times #1 bestseller. A toxic ex once told me I’d never sell any stories without sex scenes because that’s what people want, and I’d like to say 🖕🏻

Current WIPs:

• The Apothecary’s Tower

This is my most recent work. It’s a fantasy/adventure novel about a girl named Kiera who discovers a tower in the woods of Scotland and accidentally wakes the spirit of an apothecary who is trapped inside. The apothecary, Maerin, tells her that the tower and the nearby wall are a gateway to the magical realm of Alba, and that the magic is being drained from the mortal world which could have disastrous consequences for both realms. Kiera sets off on a quest through time to free Maerin from his imprisonment so that they can work together to find out what’s happening to the magic and save both their worlds. I’m extremely excited for what this will grow into as I write considering what I’ve built so far.

• Between the Stars

This is a YA coming of age novel about a boy named Sam whose family moves to Michigan for a fresh start after a tragedy. Sam struggles with significant mental health issues and has a hard time adjusting to the move. Once there he meets Charlie, a girl from a broken home who befriends him and starts to turn his worldview upside down. I intend for this book to be a cross between Bridge to Terabithia (if they were older and had more mental health problems) and The Fault In Our Stars (without the romance).

• The Twelve Dancing Princesses

This is a retelling of the classic fairytale which, when I started, resembled the Barbie version quite a bit but has since grown into its own unique tale. It follows Adrienne, the eldest of twelve sisters who has had to step into a leadership role for her eleven sisters since her mother passed away five years prior. When her ill father brings his old friend Duchess Olivia and her son, Will, to the palace to teach her and her sisters, they quickly discover that the Duchess is not the person their father thinks she is. Desperate for freedom, Adrienne and her sisters find a secret portal to the Shadow Realm in their mother’s garden and with Will’s help they must navigate the dangers of this other world in order to find the magic that will save their father. I greatly enjoy writing sibling relationships and with twelve of them it gives me a wonderful opportunity for chaos.

Finished Works:

• Lèse Majesté

Princess Evelyn is gone. She died the night Lord Caine attacked her home, when he killed her father and overthrew her kingdom. To survive, she became Lady Ivy Donovan- a noble girl living off a miracle and her dead cousin's identity. Desperate to escape a marriage arranged by her overbearing aunt, Evelyn plans an escape with little thought of consequence and the intention of finding out what really happened to her mother. But in order to do so, she has to face her past and ends up finding much more than she bargained for. This novel is fully posted on Wattpad.

• The Berkshire Lady’s Garland (And Other Short Stories)

This is a collection of short stories I've written based on ideas that weren't strong enough for a novel of their own. Some are my own creation, some are based on writing prompts or posts I've found, and some are based on ballads and poems that inspired me to bring them to life. I mostly write these for practice and they are also posted on Wattpad.

Tags:

I’ve tagged this post with all of the following for easy access

#12DP

#lese majeste

#between the stars

#the apothecarys tower

#short stories

#how to write good - writing tips and tricks

#writing humor

#midnight ramblings - bits of prose that I come up with that I want to save for later

#add it to the lore - will be tagged with the above story it goes with

#other peoples art

•••

Feel free to send asks and interact with anything you’d like! I would love more writer friends to talk to!

I do not tolerate bullying of any sort and if that’s all you’re here for I recommend you go somewhere else. This blog is a safe place for all people who like to write. I do not care what bullies think and any that show their face will be promptly called out and blocked.

[unnursvanablog]

Under the Queen’s Umbrella / Kdrama review

This is just my opinions on the kdrama Under the Queen’s Umbrella. Thoughts below are pretty much spoiler free, but if there are spoilers I will put up a spoiler warning first.

The palace is full of monsters and everyone is trying to bring you down, take your position is not a completely new concept for the genre or this type of story. But when it's done right, when all the pieces of the puzzle come together in a cohesive way and the narratives is full of well-calculated, fun political moves and clever twists with some very interesting characters and tense moments is sure a recipe for a good time. But it's not so easily done.

Under the Queens Umbrella seems to have got this mostly right with some lighthearted quirks thrown in there to keep the tone never too heavy or dark. The tension and emotional beat of the story is never too high or too low most of the time, but just moderate. I would have really liked to see more humor with maybe a bit of a darker side to it, but that's just me.

Although I think the tone of Under the Queens Umbrella is fun and the un-seriousness that is present within the story works well there is still a good amount of dramatics and intensity there as well. There is a balance to it that the drama achieves really well. The tone is never too hasty or inappropriate, but flows well with the scenes each time.

I would personally not call this drama a satire or a comedy with a gloomy undertone, which is what I thought the drama advertised itself as, but more just a light-hearted approach to palace life and the world there as well as the status of the women in there. A theme that has come up in various historical kdramas in recent years. But it's a take that I enjoy quite a lot.

The plot is a little predictable at time, especially if you are very familiar with these kind of historical dramas. It knocks a bit of a wind from the story, especially towards the middle, and there never seems to be any particular point that the story truly gets at, or leads us to. The plot doesn't truly matter; its all about the characters and how are they handling these obstacles that the plot provides.

Many of the characters are well written and interesting and I'm talking especially about the female characters in the drama (because most of the princes blend into one for me) who pull you in so you don't really think too much about the actual plot but just how interesting they are. The cast is awesome. It's like one big empire of great female character and there's a nice contrast between them all, with a few other interesting characters in between.

But the main and most interesting characters are the queen herself, the concubines that wants to be queen and the queen dowager for me. And sometimes when the story moves away from their story, the central story, it became less interesting. They are the ones who are playing the main game in the story after all and shine the most. I would liked to see a little more intensity and depth from the women who work under them. I don't think this story gets me as well as e.g. The Red Sleeve when it comes to this power struggle within the male-dominated palace in a very male dominating society.

I really didn't care about some of the side stories about who will be the crown prince and everything else that the narrative brought, but it almost didn't matter that much because I was enjoying the characters and their moments so much. This was a slow-burn character study to me. The goal of the story was to allow the characters to shine and not be pulled by the story, but to control the flow.

I just liked seeing these actresses being great at what they do, in these kinds of roles and this kind of environment.

Some stories are really driven by plot twists and fast-paced narratives, while others let the characters just pace the story themselves and have their movements. The Queens Umbrella is very much the latter of those stories, to me at least, and for the most part it succeeds in that. Although in The Queens Umbrella has perhaps a little too many supporting characters that perhaps distract a bit from the storylines of some of the more interesting characters.

[dontcrywrite]

a kingdom betrayed chapter four excerpt

word count: 1,656 words

notes: here's the very first helen/cory scene in akb, ft. everyone's favorite horse whiskey!!! <3 this takes place the night before helen leaves for her quest!

taglist (let me know if you want to be added or removed!): @bronwennjames @twentythreecrows @writeblrfantasy @chishiio

@nikkywrites @drippingmoon @forthesanityofsome @amberskywrites @ashen-crest @hellishhin @oh-no-another-idea@thelaughingstag

Once the excitement dies down, Helen slips off towards the stables.

It’s an old habit of hers, one that goes all the way back to when she was a child, hiding in her foster father’s stables and waiting for the panic choking her to subside. Even now, years later with the chaos of the day hanging over her head, Helen is only able to breathe once she sinks her fingers into Whiskey’s mane.

The stables are quiet this time of night; if they aren’t on duty, most knights are lounging about the courtyard enjoying their rare free time. If she listens hard enough, Helen can hear their voices floating on the air. Usually she’d go out and join them, but right now she’s content to sit in the dark and let the gentle sounds of the horses moving about in their stalls calm her nerves.

She’s supposed to head out tomorrow morning, according to Muriel. Helen’s been waiting for this moment ever since she first joined the palace guard; she even has a bag already packed and stored safely under her cot, ready to go. And yet Helen can’t help but feel a low sense of panic humming under her skin at the thought of the quest. There’s so much hanging on this. What if she doesn’t succeed?

Helen is so focused on running her fingers through Whiskey’s mane that she doesn’t hear the creaking of the stable door opening. She does, however, see the shadows move across the wall as someone slips inside.

Now, logically Helen knows that it’s someone from the palace, but she’s been on edge all evening. Instinct pushes her to move without thinking. Jumping in front of Whiskey, she throws one arm out in front of the horse and the other resting on the sword hanging at her hip. Whiskey didn’t react, too engrossed with the food in front of him to realize what was going on.

“Helen?” A familiar voice calls out from the shadows. “Are you in here?”

Helen’s shoulders slump, and she leans back heavily against Whiskey’s flank. Whiskey nudges her shoulder gently before returning to his food. “Don’t scare me like that,” she says.

Cory steps out of the shadows, a grin dancing on her face. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

The sight of Cory is enough to dissipate the tension that has been coiled around Helen’s spine ever since the prince had returned to the palace with one foot in the grave. She looks exactly the same as she did this morning when Helen ran into her: light hair pushed back from her forehead, spade shoved in her pocket, a streak of dirt across her cheek. Helen has never been more thrilled to see anyone in her life.

“What are you doing here?” Helen asks, lips twitching up in a small smile.

“Thought you might be in here,” Cory says with a shrug. She walks over to Helen, a slight bounce in her steps, before rummaging in her pockets and presenting Helen with a slightly crushed daisy. “Stressful day?”

“Don’t get me started.” Huffing out a small breath, Helen accepts the flower and threads it behind her ear. It’s a little ritual the two have shared since they met; Cory had started it, when she all but shoved a bright lily Helen’s hand the first time they’d run into one another.

Cory hums gently, sidling up to Helen and pressing into her side. “You’re heading out tomorrow morning for your quest, right?”

“Yeah.” Silence fell over the two. And then Helen realizes what Cory had just said. “Wait, how do you know about that? I haven’t gotten the chance to tell anyone yet!”

Cory shrugs. “Emory overheard Muriel talking to Joanna about it. The whole castle knew twenty minutes later.”

Helen groans and buries her head in her hands. Cory pats her shoulder sympathetically.

“So where are you going?” Cory’s voice is casual, but Helen knows her well enough to hear the undercurrent of curiosity in her voice.

Now, technically Helen isn’t supposed to talk about her mission to anyone. She was given strict instructions to keep everything close to her chest, to not trust anyone. Someone had infiltrated the palace and passed information to Ausburn; no one could be trusted until the Mage’s plans were unveiled. Not to mention that any and all missions handed down from the king himself weren’t to be shared with anyone, not even her fellow knights.

But this is Cory, the first person Helen befriended when she came to the palace. This is Cory, who always knew how to draw Helen out of her shell and knows exactly what to say to make Helen smile. Helen would trust Cory with her life. She’d never even considered keeping this from Cory.

“You know what happened to Prince Levi.” It isn’t a question. There isn’t a person in the palace who hasn’t heard what occurred that morning. Cory nods, wrapping a hand around Helen’s arm and giving a reassuring squeeze. “Well, Muriel has reason to believe Mage Ausburn was behind the attack.”

Cory hisses in a breath. “I thought he was holed up in the Hingcour Peaks?”

“Apparently he got bored.”

“So, what, they want you to go find him and ask him to stop? I’m sure that’ll go over well.”

“There’s no concrete proof that it’s him. Not yet. Muriel doesn’t want to go after Ausburn until it’s strictly necessary.” Helen gestures to herself. “That’s where I come in. I have to find Ausburn. I find him, I find the proof we need.”

Cory’s fingers tightened around Helen’s arm, just shy of being painful. “That sounds incredibly dangerous.”

“It’s part of the job description,” Helen shrugs.

Cory’s hand leaves Helen’s arm. Helen turns back to Whiskey, resuming her brushing. She can feel Cory’s gaze on her, but doesn’t look up, not wanting to see the concern that she knows is shining out of Cory’s eyes. Whiskey shakes his head gently under Helen’s hands, pleased with the attention.

“Alright,” Cory says after a moment. Helen readies herself for the lecture on safety that is sure to follow. But instead, all Cory says is: “I’m coming with you.”

Helen whips around to face Cory, brush hanging limply from her hand. Even Whiskey lifts his head, as if he was just as shocked at Cory’s words. Had Helen heard her right? "What - what do you mean you're coming with me?"

Cory’s lips are pursed, arms crossed over her chest. Helen knows this look far too well; Cory’s gearing herself up for an argument. “I’m coming with you,” she repeats, narrowing her eyes at Helen.

“That’s - you -” Helen splutters. “You’ve never said this about my other missions!”

“Your other missions didn’t involve you running headfirst at the most dangerous mage in Arla!” Cory throws her hands in the air, voice bordering on a shriek.

“I’m not running at him! It’s just reconnaissance!”

“But what if you get caught? What if he hurts you?”

“I won’t.” Helen reaches out and grabs Cory’s hand, linking their fingers together. “I’m going to be fine. I’d be more worried about you if you came along.”

Cory’s really pouting now. “I can take care of myself!”

“Well, right, but -”

“Remember when I beat you in that spar?”

Helen frowns. “Just because you fight dirty -”

“I won fair and square!”

“What about your job?” Helen asks, hoping the new topic might yield better results. She knows for a fact that Cory would rather cut her own hand off than let anyone touch her flower beds. “You can’t just up and leave without any explanation! Who’ll take care of your flowers?”

This slows Cory down. She rocks back on her heels, looking torn.

“They’ll probably have Ryan take over for you,” Helen says, nodding sagely. “Remember what happened last time he came near your flowers?”

There hadn’t been a plant left untouched. Cory had been devastated. Ryan spent weeks apologizing; he didn’t mean to kill the plants, not really. The poor man didn’t have much of a green thumb.

For a moment, it looks like Cory might conceded to Helen’s point. But then she just shakes her head. “I can always plant new seeds. If I lost you …”

She trails off, but Helen can hear what Cory isn’t saying. If Helen fails this mission, there’s no coming back. Cory’s doing her best to hide it, but Helen can see worry in the way Cory holds herself, stiff and unyielding.

Of course she knows how dangerous this mission was. How could she not? But how could she bring Cory along, only to put her in danger? Cory is more than capable of taking care of herself, yes, but what if she got hurt on Helen’s watch? She’d never be able to forgive herself.

On the other hand, isn’t she one of the only people who would could keep Cory safe?

Cory is pouting again, eyes silently imploring Helen in a way she’s never really been able to say no to. And really, that’s not playing very fair.

“Alright,” Helen sighs, already knowing she’ll regret this. “You can come.”

Cory brightens immediately, throwing herself at Helen and throwing her arms around her shoulders. “Thanks, Hel! This is going to be great!”

For a moment, Helen can’t breathe. Despite her small stature, Cory was deceivingly strong. “If you come with me,” Helen says, wheezing just a bit, “you can’t mess around. This isn’t a game.”

“Of course,” Cory nods solemnly. She then immediately ruins the mood by grinning at Helen. “You know, I’ve never been on a road trip before.”

Helen groans, pushing her face into Cory’s neck. “You’re going to be the death of me,” she grumbles, voice muffled.

Cory laughs, and Helen can feel the vibrations through her skin. “You love me,” she teases as she tangles her fingers in Helen’s hair.

“Yeah,” Helen sighs softly. “Yeah, I do.”

[heidbek]

Horror sans x Male reader (mature)

Notice this contain the following:

mention of suicide, mild gore, mature theme, read at own risk also toxic to good relationship.

please note if you still want to read you can skip part and it will be still mostly a good story.

This story also based a whole bunch of plot that go on in my head so please tell me what you think.

please enjoy

(Read at own risk)



You had been having a rough time, not in the right head space. so, per se. You had thought of many solutions but maybe it was the constant belittling or yelling. It could have been how much they hurt you physically or mentally. So, what did you do? You pack a bag full of extra cloth and some money. Your intent was never to come back or even continue but you wanted them to feel your pain, so you left in the dead of night. Your goal was to make it look like you ran away but in reality, you were going to kill yourself.

It was the dead of night it was cold as you climbed out your window. you had a bag with about four pairs of cloth and some food and about 120 dollars. You lived about 10 min from the base of mount Ebott. So, you strap up your backpack as your shoes touch the damp grass your breath creating a small fog. You slowly start to walk to the base of the mountain. you felt a bit tired as you look at your phone turning on airplane mode so no one can ruin your plan. you walk around the mountain looking for a good place to end it all. You were still looking as the sun came up. The sun's soft glow illuminates a cave entrance you walk in looking around. You walk forward your feet on the rocky terrain of the floor. Your eye catches the entree of a pit. you can't see the bottom, so you carefully take your backpack of holding it on your chest as you put your phone in it besides the charger. You zip up the bag.

Then you turn your back toward the pit. you shake a bit holding the pit. tear start to stream down not in regret but in sadness, you couldn't see any better option. You silently sniffle your tear as you step back falling into the pit. You shut your eye as you brass for impact. When you hit the ground, it feels like lava entering your lung as all the air leave you and pain enter your body. But fate maybe or was not on your side, and your magic power from the barrier awakens. What shit luck you have regeneration. So, you know are on the floor suffering for what seemed like days. you slowly start to regrate and can move and breathe properly. you slowly move the backpack off your chest as you rest for a bit before you get up and look at your surroundings. You seem to be in some ruined city entrance. you slowly get up grab your bag as you put it on and start walking around. You say your fate is really good because you seem to run into no one. you pull up to a small house you want to look around, but something tells you to leave as fast as possible. so, you trust your gut as you head down a set of stairs walking for what seems forever. you make it to a big set of doors. you feel the rough stone before you push it gently trying to not make much noise.

you didn't make much noise, but it doesn't take much to get on sans radar. you may not of noticing him as you walk around in the snow a little shocked and awestruck by the scene as your breath comes out foggy. Sans didn't think much of you only thinking of you as prey. But unknown to you, you were still hurt slowly healing. sans saw as a cut on the back of your neck and thought of you as bigger prey no one could get their hand on but him. sans had a hard time keeping his chuckle in because if his prey could regenerate infinitely then he and Paps would be set for life. he didn't care if you would be the 7th human soul after all there was no telling if undyne could even break the barrier. sans Sneak behind you without you catching his attention and knock you unconscious.

(Please note I will come back and edit the next point or may make them their own part this is manly to get the rough plot point)

When you come to. you try to get up to find that your legs are not functioning. You had freaked out when you first saw paps as he stuff some gross food in your mouth. you had not wanted to accept what was happening as the two skeleton bros treated like food but kinda kind. they watched everything you did to make sure you didn't escape. you had eventually grown attached to them without much thought. it was the only people you saw. you have especially grown close to sans as had he seeing you as a good little lamb who listen before eventually the hunger disappeared but then he came saner the more wrong he felt but also the need to continue knowing if he stops now then he goes back to the way it was if he stops. so, he treated you the best he could down in the underground. without any monster other than pap knowing of your existence.

this is when fate really wished to make both you and sans happy. you had become a bit self-dependent on the two bros. you even sleep in the same room as them switching between paps and sans. you sleep with sans on the same bed. paps you sleep on a small little bed added to his room for you. when the 8th human finally fell you had been locked in one of the rooms the two scared you to escape if your leg grows back. they let them grow back as they gave undyne the 7 the human soul that was needed to break the barrier. once they broke the barrier you went through some change the magic was too much and the stress of not being with the bro caused you to change from a human to a monster. you had taken on a skeleton just like them. though you were only a bit shorter than you were as human. you had not even noticed the change. the room you are in is dark and you are just too scared to get out of sans bed because of the pain you felt. when the skeleton bro got there, they could hear you in pain as they swiftly unlock sans door to see you. that were confused puzzled and shocked before seeing your cloth on you and your leg fully grown back of course in Skelton form. you look up tiredly seeing the two bros. "sans...." you mumbled tiredly as he run over picking you up and clutching you to his big frame. The two bros were worried sick. you were in a dazed state, "does that mean I can stay with you guy? now that I am like you" you mumbled as you look up at them. sans nods his head looking down at you, "of course all you have done for us... but you could go home to your family... well commit to our sins" he said reassuringly. Your face had turned into a frown at the word family. "No, I jump to leave them you guys are all I have," you say back looking at them a bit desperate as you clutch sans jacket. you feared they were going to leave you as you started crying. "Please don't leave me" you stutter out between tears pleading. Paps spoke up first, "we would never leave you, you can stay with us as long as you like." paps said with a big grin reassuringly.

(to be continued for sure)

[duckprintspress]

How to Edit an Over-Length Story Down to a Specific Word Count

One of the most wonderful things about writing as a hobby is that you never have to worry about the length of your story. You can be as self-indulgent as you want, make your prose the royalist of purples, include every single side story and extra thought that strikes your fancy. It’s your story, with no limits, and you can proceed with it as you wish.

When transitioning from casual writing to a more professional writing milieu, this changes. If you want to publish, odds are, you’ll need to write to a word count. If a flash fiction serial says, “1,000 words or less,” your story can’t be 1,025 and still qualify. If a website says, “we accept novellas ranging from 20,000 to 40,000 words,” your story will need to fall into that window. Even when you consider novel-length works, stories are expected to be a certain word count to fit neatly into specific genres - romance is usually around 80,000 words, young adult usually 50,000 to 80,000, debut novels usually have to be 100,000 words or less regardless of genre, etc. If you self-publish or work with a small press, you may be able to get away with breaking these “rules,” but it’s still worthwhile to learn to read your own writing critically with length in mind and learn to recognize what you do and do not need to make your story work - and then, if length isn’t an issue in your publishing setting, you can always decide after figuring out what’s non-essential to just keep everything anyway.

If you’re writing for fun? You literally never have to worry about your word count (well, except for sometimes in specific challenges that have minimum and/or maximum word counts), and as such, this post is probably not for you.

But, if you’re used to writing in the “throw in everything and the kitchen sink” way that’s common in fandom fanfiction circles, and you’re trying to transition only to be suddenly confronted with the reality that you’ve written 6,000 words for a short story project with a maximum word count of 5,000...well, we at Duck Prints Press have been there, we are in fact there right now, as we finish our stories for our upcoming anthology Add Magic to Taste and many of us wrote first drafts that were well over the maximum word count.

So, based on our experiences, here are our suggestions on approaches to help your story shorter...without losing the story you wanted to tell!

Cut weasel words (we wrote a whole post to help you learn how to do that!) such as unnecessary adverbs and adjectives, the “was ~ing” sentence structure, redundant time words such as “a moment later,” and many others.

When reviewing dialog, keep an eye out for “uh,” “er,” “I mean,” “well,” and other casual extra words. A small amount of that kind of language usage can make dialog more realistic, but a little goes a long way, and often a fair number of words can be removed by cutting these words, without negatively impacting your story at all.

Active voice almost always uses fewer words than passive voice, so try to use active voice more (but don’t forget that passive voice is important for varying up your sentence structures and keeping your story interesting, so don’t only write in active voice!).

Look for places where you can replace phrases with single words that mean the same thing. You can often save a lot of words by switching out phrases like “come back” for “return” and seeking out other places where one word can do the work of many.

Cut sentences that add atmosphere but don't forward the plot or grow your characters. (Obviously, use your judgement. Don't cut ALL the flavor, but start by going - I’ve got two sentences that are mostly flavor text - which adds more? And then delete the other, or combine them into one shorter sentence.)

Remove superfluous dialog tags. If it’s clear who’s talking, especially if it’s a conversation between only two people, you can cut all the he saids, she saids.

Look for places where you've written repetitively - at the most basic level, “ ‘hahaha,’ he laughed,” is an example, but repetition is often more subtle, like instances where you give information in once sentence, and then rephrase part or all of that sentence in the next one - it’s better to poke at the two sentences until you think of an effective, and more concise, way to make them into only one sentence. This also goes for scenes - if you’ve got two scenes that tend towards accomplishing the same plot-related goal, consider combining them into one scene.

Have a reason for every sentence, and even every sentence clause (as in, every comma insertion, every part of the sentence, every em dashed inclusion, that kind of thing). Ask yourself - what function does this serve? Have I met that function somewhere else? If it serves no function, or if it’s duplicative, consider cutting it. Or, the answer may be “none,” and you may choose to save it anyway - because it adds flavor, or is very in character for your PoV person, or any of a number of reasons. But if you’re saving it, make sure you’ve done so intentionally. It's important to be aware of what you're trying to do with your words, or else how can you recognize what to cut, and what not to cut?

Likewise, have a reason for every scene. They should all move the story along - whatever the story is, it doesn’t have to be “the end of the world,” your story can be simple and straightforward and sequential...but if you’re working to a word count, your scenes should still forward the story toward that end point. If the scene doesn’t contribute...you may not need them, or you may be able to fold it in with another scene, as suggested in item 6.

Review the worldbuilding you’ve included, and consider what you’re trying to accomplish with your story. A bit of worldbuilding outside of the bare essentials makes a story feel fleshed out, but again, a little can go a long way. If you’ve got lots of “fun” worldbuilding bits that don’t actually forward your plot and aren’t relevant to your characters, cut them. You can always put them as extras in your blog later, but they’ll just make your story clunky if you have a lot of them.

Beware of info-dumps. Often finding a more natural way to integrate that information - showing instead of telling in bits throughout the story - can help reduce word count.

Alternatively - if you over-show, and never tell, this will vastly increase your word count, so consider if there are any places in your story where you can gloss over the details in favor of a shorter more “tell-y” description. You don’t need to go into a minute description of every smile and laugh - sometimes it’s fine to just say, “she was happy” or “she frowned” without going into a long description of their reaction that makes the reader infer that they were happy. (Anyone who unconditionally says “show, don’t tell,” is giving you bad writing advice. It’s much more important to learn to recognize when showing is more appropriate, and when telling is more appropriate, because no story will function as a cohesive whole if it’s all one or all the other.)

If you’ve got long paragraphs, they’re often prime places to look for entire sentences to cut. Read them critically and consider what’s actually helping your story instead of just adding word count chonk.

Try reading some or all of the dialog out loud; if it gets boring, repetitive, or unnecessary, end your scene wherever you start to lose interest, and cut the dialog that came after. If necessary, add a sentence or two of description at the end to make sure the transition is abrupt, but honestly, you often won’t even need to do so - scenes that end at the final punchy point in a discussion often work very well.

Create a specific goal for a scene or chapter. Maybe it’s revealing a specific piece of information, or having a character discover a specific thing, or having a specific unexpected event occur, but, whatever it is, make sure you can say, “this scene/chapter is supposed to accomplish this.” Once you know what you’re trying to do, check if the scene met that goal, make any necessary changes to ensure it does, and cut things that don’t help the scene meet that goal.

Building on the previous one, you can do the same thing, but for your entire story. Starting from the beginning, re-outline the story scene-by-scene and/or chapter-by-chapter, picking out what the main “beats” and most important themes are, and then re-read your draft and make sure you’re hitting those clearly. Consider cutting out the pieces of your story that don’t contribute to those, and definitely cut the pieces that distract from those key moments (unless, of course, the distraction is the point.)

Re-read a section you think could be cut and see if any sentences snag your attention. Poke at that bit until you figure out why - often, it’s because the sentence is unnecessary, poorly worded, unclear, or otherwise superfluous. You can often rewrite the sentence to be clearer, or cut the sentence completely without negatively impacting your work.

Be prepared to cut your darlings; even if you love a sentence or dialog exchange or paragraph, if you are working to a strict word count and it doesn't add anything, it may have to go, and that's okay...even though yes, it will hurt, always, no matter how experienced a writer you are. (Tip? Save your original draft, and/or make a new word doc where you safely tuck your darlings in for the future. Second tip? If you really, really love it...find a way to save it, but understand that to do so, you’ll have to cut something else. It’s often wise to pick one or two favorites and sacrifice the rest to save the best ones. We are not saying “always cut your darlings.” That is terrible writing advice. Don’t always cut your darlings. Writing, and reading your own writing, should bring you joy, even when you’re doing it professionally.)

If you’re having trouble recognizing what in your own work CAN be cut, try implementing the above strategies in different places - cut things, and then re-read, and see how it works, and if it works at all. Sometimes, you’ll realize...you didn’t need any of what you cut. Other times, you’ll realize...it no longer feels like the story you were trying to tell. Fiddle with it until you figure out what you need for it to still feel like your story, and practice that kind of cutting until you get better at recognizing what can and can’t go without having to do as much tweaking.

Lastly...along the lines of the previous...understand that sometimes, cutting your story down to a certain word count will just be impossible. Some stories simply can’t be made very short, and others simply can’t be told at length. If you’re really struggling, it’s important to consider that your story just...isn’t going to work at that word count. And that’s okay. Go back to the drawing board, and try again - you’ll also get better at learning what stories you can tell, in your style, using your own writing voice, at different word counts. It’s not something you’ll just know how to do - that kind of estimating is a skill, just like all other writing abilities.

As with all our writing advice - there’s no one way to tackle cutting stories for length, and also, which of these strategies is most appropriate will depend on what kind of story you’re writing, how much over-length it is, what your target market is, your characters, and your personal writing style. Try different ones, and see which work for you - the most important aspect is to learn to read your own writing critically enough that you are able to recognize what you can cut, and then from that standpoint, use your expertise to decide what you should cut, which is definitely not always the same thing. Lots of details can be cut - but a story with all of the flavor and individuality removed should never be your goal.

Contributions to this post were made by @unforth, @jhoomwrites, @alecjmarsh, @shealynn88, @foxymoley, @willablythe, and @owlishintergalactic, and their input has been used with their knowledge and explicit permission. Thanks, everyone, for helping us consider different ways to shorten stories!

[ourmondobongo]

Sometimes I think about how much hange has sacrificed of themself for the same cause as Erwin, Levi and the rest of sc, yet their trauma is so often downplayed bc of their "sunny disposition". Most people only talked about hange's mental health struggles only after season 4 where a certain scene showed that, but the signs where always there and clearly stated even in side material. Hange overworking themselves and neglecting their hygiene aren't fun, quirky characteristics. In the story shelter from the rain with nanaba we see them in a troubled state over the loss of so many comrades during all these years, questioning why they survived and not all these people instead. Hange masks their true mental state, they feel tremendous guilt, pain, even depression and they exhaust themselves in work for the same reason we thought erwin did. For humanity, for a better future for the next generation, for never seeing comrades dying and getting killed again. I wanted to share these thoughts bc it got me thinking, hange truly prioritized everyones future throughout the whole story. They neglected their own wellbeing, others thought of them as weird, freak, inhumane but all these sacrifices were because they were so incredibly a caring human. It was compassion and empathy that moved them, the thoughts of justice for fallen soldiers, for never seeing children enlist and die and live instead in a bright new fearless world, I truly believe that.

You.said.it.all! 

And some of these are aspects of Hanji’s character that I wish Isym could have left just a little bit more defined in the manga itself, because Isym liked to work mixing the contrast between people's words and their actual actions; he liked to leave things with dubious or double interpretations; he liked to leave these trails of crumbles for us to gather all, and remake the whole cake around 10 to 137 chapters later. Which complicated quite a few things. But I imagine there is so much space he can spare for side characters. Especially in a work with many particular minor stories unfolding in critical war times…

Like imo, with Hanji - contrary to most characters, their primal goal to join the SC was not made clear enough in the manga (nor anime), so most people believe Hanji’s life dream was understanding the mystery of the Titans - overlooking that actually they were full of hatred over the maneater giants in their initial times already as an SC soldier, and that they were looking to avenge dead comrades by killing Titans rather than giving a flying fluck* about their nature. 

How does this impact their character interpretation? For many, it makes Hanji be seen mostly as the perpetual “mad scientist” character fixed on Titans. And as this idea is often related to Hans reacting rather enthusiastically at Titans experiences, it makes them the one with the  "sunny disposition" as you said - what overshadow their personal preoccupations in seeking peace, better life opportunities for people, and freedom for humanity as well as their own heavy struggle over the meaning of the losses of SC comrades prior Marley Arc.

The side material does help to show it clearer though, like the smartpass with Nanaba you mentioned, and the close up interviews. But at the same time not many people are aware of the smartpasses outside Japan. Not to mention, the anime has some problems excluding/changing entire plot elements for Hanji’s character, especially in S03. So not many people will go as far as digging into every corner of the manga, anime, side materials, interviews, and metas to take a closer look at Hanji's condition.

But, as you said, the signs are there in the manga - either clear, subtle or delayed a few chapters. 

I.e: In chapter 20, Hanji said she had seen more comrades being slaughtered than she cared to recall; now imagine the amount of frustration, pain, and rage Hanji was feeling to - after killing a Titan - go kick up his decapitated head. When they focused on studying the Titans trying to find a way to defeat or resolve the fight againts them, Hanji began to care about these creatures at the same time they had to torture them. I wonder how many torture sessions Hanji had personally done on the Titans until her humanity extended to the maneater monsters and made her forced to toughen up herself to inflict such amounts of pain on them. We see them crying over Bean's pain, them breaking down at his and Sawney's death - that was not only because they lost the Titans as precious test subjects that were helping them advance in their research of the enemies; there was attachment to them, as living creatures.

Eren closed Trost’s gate, the SC lost the 04 years-cleaning path from Trost to Shiganshina - made to set up the bases for the 20 years long gate reconstruction plan to maybe the future SC be capable of sealing Wall Maria. Eren nearly brought the SC end right there. In the Female Titan fights and capture, iirc, it wasn't shown but Hanji was directly involved in developing the new Titan trapping weapons cause it was also part of her Squad's responsibilities as Titan Researchers, and it cost an immense amount of money from taxpayers and benefactors. The whole operation failure in the forest was a price so high for them all. Yet, Hanji wasn't shown specifically reacting to these circumstances, and was even excluded from the Walk of Shame moment after coming back from the forest fight empty handed. Their aggravated feelings over this all was only exposed when Hanji dangled Minister Nick at the top of the Wall, and made their acute and sharp declaration in chapter 34:

Sometimes I wonder if it's because their feelings were often expressed in bursts of anger that people just take Hanji’s pain through the series more "standard" or lightly than others. Because, unlike Levi visibly suffering reacting to his Squads and other soldiers deaths, or Erwin feeling guilty over sending his comrades to death, Hanji's sense of loss and pain related to the Survey Corps member is a suffering that happens mostly off screen while the rage we see at last is just part of their channeled emotional outlet. 

Like, I've stumbled upon people questioning Hanji’s reaction to their Squad's death when Kenny killed them because the way the anime portrayed their reaction seemed like a cold and resigned "oh, they died. People die everyday". But in the manga, though we aren't shown their certainly painful reaction to the news, Hanji (and Moblit) are sad, mourning, and with cold rage burning within them when they go to Roy and Peaure's newspaper to demand the truth in chapter 60. When they met Levi, and he apologizes, Hanji showed themself understandably and empathetic, knowing pretty well how deeply bad he already felt. However, the sense of some justice or avengement needed is there on them both as they talk about neutralizing the bastards who killed Hanji’s team. After all, Hanji really feels pain deeply (as well as the need for some justice) as they had tortured Sannes to partially get a payback feeling for what he did to Nick just chapters ago...

And while Levi had killed people before, Hanji most likely had never killed a human before engaging in the battle on the Reiss Church-Cave. Still, Hanji doesn't hesitate to kill none of them. And I think Yams drew the first human kill Hans did with a blade seemingly ripping through the enemy's heart and Hanji’s right eyes splattered with blood with this intention to signal these things - the lingering pain and anger over all the losses they have been dealing with, as well as a sense of realization/understanding in Hans's persona too.

Contrastingly, even more chapters before this all, Hanji wanted everyone to stop fighting, to feel safe again, to live without fear. So it's painful to think they had to fight and kill and torture their own kind to get where they had to. But for many people, these feelings and wishes go forgotten until we get to the struggles of RtS battle and arc....

Anyway, I'm glad Yams used Hanji to make one of the most beautiful and sad speeches of AOT:

Also, I definitely agree that Hans not taking proper care of themself regularly is not a simple matter of comic relief, even if it’s shown as something apparently fun on side materials. In fact, this is Hanji overworking themself and risking their body, mind, and emotional health to find answers in short periods of time. All this so that, in the next expeditions, the SC might have ways to advance more, save more people, avoid deaths, and to provide anything relevant that might help humanity to not fall in more tragedy. And it's the fruits of their Titan research in the last years that Eren and the other cadets learn while in the Training Corps, and probably why the DMG was being improved in their times...

And Levi having to bathe them with their squad is an extreme action not because of body odor problems itself, but also based on Levi’s fears that people might die of (unknown) disease and unclean conditions. In the smartpasses and close up interviews, we know Hanji goes days and nights in a roll in their experiments with Titans - the most unknown creatures there are in their planet -, and their squad sometimes need to lock her in the rest room so she (and them) can also have a proper rest once in a while; Moblit became a man with alcoholic issues because of the constant pressure and danger Hanji has to put themself into; Levi literally and figuratively saves their neck from Titan bites during experiments while they are tired and dozing off, and from stair falls and possible flu or cold as Hanji doesn't straight up dry themself in the library of crumbling castle until he "coerced" them to sit up by the fireplace, having already reprimanded them with "Your life is important!".

So everything, everything Hanji did on and off manga screen was exactly for what you beautifully pointed out: It was compassion and empathy that moved them, the thoughts of justice for fallen soldiers, for never seeing children enlist and die and live instead in a bright new fearless world.

And I truly believe that too!

Tysm for sharing your thoughts!!! 

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

March 2021 Part 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. 

This is a LONG ONE, it’s been A WEEK everyone. 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Lovely Writer Ep 5 - a little slow this week, but at least Gene finally flirted back, and very cute flirting it was, too. Also we got Aey’s motivation, background, and love interest. Thank goodness for that. 

Brothers Ep 8 - still pants, what can I say? Clearly I am a BL masochist. Very embarrassing for everyone concerned. 

1000 Stars Ep 9 - the conflict over Tian’s father was REALLY well done. The plot of this drama is excellent, the leads are great together, and yes I totally cried. What, you didn’t? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Word of Honor (China) Ep 16-18 - big battle fighty fighty stabby stabby. Ep 17 switches to “this drama isn’t big enough for two chaotic-neutral godlings!” So what do they do? Drink together and bicker... A LOT. Then in Ep 18 we all get the dubious joy of really freaky puppets. (I HATE puppets.) Also how is China letting this be so SO VERY VERY GAY?  Also, I wanna walk through the forest wearing a smanshy purple robe and waving a big fuck-off white fan around simply because I’m a pretentious fuss monger. And frankly, I feel like this is an achievable life goal for me. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 4 - not gonna lie, this is looking to be one of my top 3 BLs of 2021. It’s SO GOOD. Big bonus to this ep for treating stalker behavior like the mental illness it is and not as some dumb representation of enduring love. 

The Most Peaceful Place is My Place (Vietnam) Ep 1 - finally dropped (find it under NƠI BÌNH YÊN NHẤT LÀ VỀ BÊN EM on O2′s channel). It’s got actors already comfortable with BL and looks pretty good so far. An angry tsundere uke reunited with his ex, a stoic chef, giving us lots of snap, crackle, and pop out the gate. 

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 2 - I want to love it, but it is just moving too fast. There’s not enough character dev and then they’re throwing flashbacks in? It feels like a treatment rather than a show, and a rushed treatment at that. Bummer. 

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 2 (AKA Ep 3-4) - let the cheesy popcorn continue! Idiot remains an idiot; ingenue remains an ice queen; nice gay guy remains nice and gay; obsessive stalker brother is getting ever more whackadoddle. Of course these last two have the best chemistry. (It’s caregiver codependency and the salvation trope. We got us a Leo/Fiat situation going on.​) Plus lots of classic BL tropes because OF COURSE there are lots of tropes. 

Occasionally, I am tempted to argue that shows like H4 or Cherry Magic or Ossan’s Love aren’t technically BL because of the office setting and age of the protags - but then they all behave like high school students anyway, so *shrug* 

Stand Alones

Cute little Taiwanese micro BL Friend or Lover dropped, about bisexual realization within a friendship group. Normally these are too short for me, but this one did pretty good with its 15 minutes of charm, plus it’s abad boy + shy softy pairing. 

Breaking News - Thai BL

Fish Upon the Sky released its actual trailer. The upside-down kiss is gone, which makes everyone sad, and it seems far less rivals to lovers than the first iteration, which makes ME sad. But it still looks good and a more classic BL than GMMTV has given us in a while. New trailer focused more on the makeover trope and they’ve upped Mix’s role (the object of everyone’s affection) now that he’s proved himself. (Or they are using him more to carry the trailer since he has a fan base form 1k*). Starts April 9 on GMMTV in 1K*’s time slot, probably with a 10 ep run. 

2gether the movie is apparently coming April 22 to Thai theaters. F4 Thailand must be having issues or GMMTV just wants to milk the BrightWin cash cow. It’s rumored to be a combination of 2gehter + Still 2gether with some extra scenes and ending. Also, one assumes a lot will be cut out, if it’s movie length.

Call It What You Want released its updated trailer. If anything, it looks more scary than before. What are we in for? April 9th. 

Nitiman got a release date, May 7 on One31. 

I Told Sunset About You 2 got an updated release date of May 27 on LineTV. 

Second Chance the series is coming to LineTV on March 29. I don’t know much about this one. Tons of familiar faces (mostly TharnType side dishes) and some nice looking new talent but a dearth of eng subs. I think it may take on Brothers’ time slot. Line did eng subs for Brothers so maybe they will do 2nd Chance too? 

Close Friend the series is coming April 22. This is a combination of 6 couples with 6 story arcs as music videos (maybe)? It’s an epic fan service with familiar faces like OhmFluke (UWMA), MaxNat (LBC also in Y-Destiny), YoonLay (YYY also in Y-Destiny), KimCop (GenY), and JaFirst (TT2).

Y-Destiny starts March 30, and has starting dropping couple’s trailers. I’m still suspicious given the director but it seems like there is plot (or plots) and a theme. Looks to be a series of 7 single ep vignettes (amended, see comments, might be 2 eps each for 14 eps total), different couple each time, some with supernatural elements, all with decent chemistry and acting chops. 

Sun MaxNat’s tutor/student arc

Mon jaded rich kid meets poor innocent  

Tues sports romance enemies to lovers 

Weds the messy realistic actual dating one 

Thurs hot ghost boyfriend (sad) 

Fri YoonLayPerth coping with loss and finding new love (sad). This one will all rest on Lay's acting so we know it’s in safe hands. Our boy is going to KILL it. 

Sat time-slip memory loss reunion romance 

I’m thinking we can’t expect any of these to end happy or be classic BL. They’re gonna be more slice of life-ish. 

Gossip - BL Outside of Thailand 

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) got a legit teaser (eng sub here). @curriculumvtae​ reports that it’s releasing April 15th on WeTV (Philippines & Thailand) and Idol Romance (South Korea), while Will of Thai Bl says it’ll be on Viki too. It’s a short run of 8 ep built on a fake relationship trope (arranged marriage variant):

Ryu Ho Seon’s (Kang In Soo from You Wish) arranged marriage turns out to be with his expected bride’s brother, Choi Ki Wan (Lee Se Jin from Mr Heart). Ryu tries to undo the marriage, but his ill mother opposes this saying the scandal would be too much. Meanwhile, Kim Tae Hyeong (Jang Eui Soo from Where Your Eyes Linger), a senior at Ryu’s school, comes to congratulate him and falls in love with Choi. Then one day, the original bride disappears.

Okay it seems a bit twisty turny for ONLY 8 EPS, but oh my goodness how excited are we? Our first intentional historical BL out of Korea!

We already knew Hong Kong was doing a remake of Japan’s Ossan’s Love under the same name (not my favorite Japanese BL but so very popular) but it’s now reported to be coming to Viu in June. Who knows how the CFA will take it. Depends on whether Hong Kong bows before the NO GAY KISSES regs or if they are going to use this as a political nose thumb... things could get cray with this puppy (the original has several kisses and s shower scene). Are we back in Addicted territory only with added comedy and civil unrest?

Speaking of Japan, Absolute BL (AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko) dropped sooner than anyone thought, March 27. But being Japanese who knows how/when/if we get subs. Protag finds himself trapped in a world of BL, but being straight he fights against any hot guy that draws near, but the whole world (literally) is conspiring against him. It’s a parody adapted from a yoai.

What with Absolute BL from Japan plus Lovely Writer and Call it What You Want from Thailand, is 2021 the year of BL being ultra self referential? Sure feels like it.

In Case You Missed It

Faded a gay micro film from Taiwan from 2017 deals with parental acceptance and serves up a ton of BL tropes (piggyback, forehead kiss, etc). I’m pretty sure this was a propaganda piece for legalization of gay marriage, and it’s an interesting nugget of BL history as a result. Yes, it ends happy. It’s cute. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

Man there’s a lot going on right now! Spring has sprung... I suppose. 

P.S. I cannot believe I missed Absolute BL as a blog name. Numbnuts = me. 

[gaal-dornick]

Here is the post I teased about expectations for comics v movie in TOG that I mentioned, in relation to Joe and Nicky and how they were portrayed in their TTT stories. Also thank you so much to everyone on the BoN discord server for letting me sound it out even though it was kinda off topic there 💖

Anyway, for quite some time I think much of the dissatisfaction with the comics, and how they treat characterization and relationships, comes from applying movie standards to it. This is expected, very much so even. I think almost all of us got into the comics to varying degrees because of the movie, in search for more bits of info, for a little more stuff to chew on, and as such we went in with those amazing portrayals seared into our minds. There’s no denying that the casting is one enormous chef’s kiss, and the script and directing choices brought the most out of them.

The comics are... different, and with Joe and Nicky, they’re especially different, and in my opinion, it’s one of the big factors behind the mixed responses their stories got. Bear with me here, we’ll have some text exposition.

In the movie we’re introduced to Joe and Nicky through: hugs. Yeah, hugs and gifts, and laughter, and overall a very pointed scene that established their very close relationship to both Andy and Booker in one go. In the comics, the first thing Joe does is jab at Andy for not showering after her night out, and she mock-threatens to cut his throat over coffee. You get the difference.The trend continues, with most of their scenes being only with each other, and the story does very little, in my opinion, to establish their place in the team. Sure, it establishes their place with each other, but it feels like a separate bubble, with them mostly unaffected by the plot. They have no interests, no goals, no personality.

Talking about plot, they have no hand in moving it forward in either OF or FM. They don’t have arcs, they don’t have any development. They start and finish in the same place, because they have... nothing moving them. They are firmly placed as side-to-background characters, in my opinion. The movie, once again, changes this, by making them side characters with fully flashed out motivations and arcs and relationships other than each other.

After all this, comes TTT. We have Joe in two stories, Nicky in three. Only one of these has any participation of the other characters. The characterization is, in my view, contradictory in places. Why? I mostly think it’s due to the authors not really having much of anything to base them on if you’re going strictly with the comics. We don’t know what moves them (except for one off hand narration by Andy), we hardly see them interact with the others. Sure, I think there were more interesting places the authors could’ve taken them, but I also think: are these ideas truly comics based, or am I going off their movie characterizations? 

Mostly I think the movie marked them too much for me, and the idea I have of them is too defined by it. Seeing Joe and Nicky being mostly self contained in each other, mostly aloof to the others’ issues, feels... off, but it actually isn’t! It’s just their characterization in the comics. While movie Joe gushes emotions, comics Joe is unbothered. While movie Nicky happily engages in Nile’s doubts, comics Nicky is reluctant to mention Noriko even after she comes back. They are different characters, and their TTT characterizations are mostly on par with that. There is a lot of criticism to be made, on planning, on consistency, on themes, but I think keeping the distinction in mind is necessary to a fair judgement.