#the great battle of the untamed couples

[lucky-cat-13]

The Great Battle of The Untamed Couples

Finals, Third Place

[moronkombat]

I don’t know if you’ve done this before but I’m begggggging you for a Reiko alphabet 😩😩 no one ever writes anything about him

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Satisfied and quite pleased with himself and his partner's performance. Aftercare is not something he is fond of in terms of giving and receiving. The most Reiko will do is lay close to his partner with them resting against his chest while his hands lay confidently beneath his head

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Reiko is proud of his overall physique. His body has been trained for war and destruction and it shows. He is particularly fond of his shoulder blades. Why? He feels he can carry the weight of the world atop them

Their thighs. He knows just how...powerful those lovely muscles can be and he loves being so buried in them, feeling just how they strain against him as his tongue devours and claims

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Prefers to change it up. Some days he will absolutely fill you to the brim, cumming all over your tender and sore insides. Other times he prefers to paint you as if you a blank and awaiting canvas

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Reiko doesn't have many secrets in terms of bedroom activities with his partner. If he is wanting to do something, he will propose it. He is quite fond of having sex after killing his enemy. He is riled up and wants to share his raptor with you

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Has enough experience to know what feels great and feels even greater. Reiko likes to be well versed in everything, sex is no exception. Though, sex for him is relatively casual. He does not see sex as something you do with someone you love. It is merely an excellent way of rewarding the body

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

His favorite position is you on top of him. He wants to see you riding and bouncing. He doesn't want to miss a single second of the pain and pleasure that is written on your face

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Reiko is not overly serious but he is not exactly humorous. For him, sex is a battle. He is a dominant individual but a switch in the bedroom. If you want to be the dominant one, you need to fight him for it

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Clean and smooth. Reiko is very much a purist in how he portrays his body. He wants nothing to be hidden by hair and so it is all removed

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Not romantic. Well, he is in his own way. For him, to battle his partner is the most romantic thing one could ever do. Will he buy you flowers? No. Will he bring you the head of his enemy? Yes. Sex is not romantic, it is fierce, rabid and untamed

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Typically isn't one to partake in such pleasures. No, Reiko will seek out his partner over everything else. There is no need to pleasure himself when he has a beautiful partner's legs to slide between

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Marking- He will always leave marks on you and you better leave some on him as well. Everyone is leaving that bedroom painted in the glory of love making. He never hides the marks you give him. He wears them with pride and will even boast about them if he catches others looking. Yeah you guys are that annoying couple that openly talk about your sexual adventures. You better not hide those marks either. Not only will he find it insulting, he'll be hurt by it.

Bondage- Reiko is a fan of bondage solely for the purpose of escaping it or having you escape it. It is thrilling to him to break the chains that he keep him from touching you. He relishes in watching you rip the leather he's coiled you in. Liberation is the fun of using bondage

Pain Play- Sex is a battle. In battle there is pain. He will be in pain and so will you. The two of you are always finding ways to tear into each other. Except to leave the bedroom bruised and a bit battered

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Reiko is not too picky. He enjoys having sex anywhere when it comes to his partner. Though he does find himself a bit more excited to fuck you in the barracks or on the sparring grounds

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Victory and glory. When he is triumphant in a battle, he is brought into ecstasy. When he sees his partner's strength he wishes to taste it along with everything else

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Insubordination to the greater cause. He will not tolerate his partner not following the ways that he has been taught. Nor will he be receptive to forms of aftercare following sex. He finds it odd and boring

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Reiko will give and he shall take. He prefers neither over the other, happy to change it up as the battle between the two of you rages on and on

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Expect to leave the bedroom sore and bruised. Everything to Reiko is a fight even sex, especially sex. Sex with him is often incredibly long and full of blood and teeth. He bites, pulls and scratches and he wants you to do the same. The bedroom isn't a place for tenderness.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

They can happen but not often. He prefers when sex takes awhile, that way he and his partner can truly consume and tear each other apart

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Reiko will try just about anything. Danger is exciting. Danger is victory. If you two will be harmed then so be it, that is the fun of it after all

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Long time. Very very long time. Reiko will not allow for anything less than perfection. Expect to be encompassed by him for many many hours

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Reiko has different toys and will use them. Most of his gadgets, however, are related to bondage, and other BDSM related topics

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

It is not that Reiko is unfair, it is merely his partner must earn their place in the bedroom. If his partner wants to cum then they must show that they are demanding it and not requesting it

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Loud. Way too loud for his poor underlings. By gods they will hear the two of you going at it for hours

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

One of the most intimate things a partner can do for him is apply his warpaint. Reiko is completely exposing himself to his partner then and it is a silent affection between the two. There are no words said as fingers dip into tar and mark up a face that's seen and lived horrors of war. He doesn't let anyone get this close. This is a right reserved solely for you

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Muscular and broad. If he looks like he can knock you out with but one punch then he most certain can. He is well defined and shaped. His cock is girthy and ever thick. The head is the most tender area. He also likes shoving it against the back of your throat

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

High. Very high. Being a warrior, he is surrounded in battle and battle is a great turn on. He will seek out his partner often for sex

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He doesn't usually fall asleep, though he is quite spent after the act. He will prefer to admire the marks you've given each other before laying with his partner for a little while

[silviakundera]

I just finished love between fairy and devil and it was so good the tropes the chemistry the amount of love and sacrifice between these two people please give me all the chinese dramas like this that are set in historical setting they don't have to be fantasy just great romance like this one with a couple like these two who are constantly ready to die or do anything so the other person can live or be happy I need that serotine

Ok, I'm serving up a selection of cdramas that I find very romantic + couples who become very ride & die for each other... willing to go all out (caveat - they might not all start that way, but they end up that way)

Who Rules The World - Martial arts + historical palace drama hybrid

Love You Seven Times - xanxia fantasy

The Rebel Princess - historical

A Journey to Love - martial arts historical; warning: total party kill ending. super romantic & amazing couple but they die battling. Lots of romance & devotion before that tho.

Love and Redemption - xanxia fantasy, a classic beloved by tumblr

The Untamed - martial arts w fantasy elements; the romance is censored m/m with no kissing allowed. (adaption of a gay novel. the actors, screenplay, directing, the music all coordinate to make the subtext clear) There's a reason it inspired thousands of fanfic.

Lighter and Princess - modern day drama. Yes, I know! But it's popular with fans who mostly only watch historical romances. They end up proving their devotion & willing to sacrifice. It starts with him coming out of prision, then you get a long flashback of episodes leading to their romance & his downfall...then a string of episodes as they rebuild from the ashes. (... same structure as The Untamed. huh.)

[ran-orimoto]

But why would you put Junpei in the fire group with Takuya? They never interacted in the series. But I support the idea of Junpei and Izumi as a couple mixing fire and light and their children being a mix. Bye

Because I hardcore ship them.

And because ATLA teaches us the danger coming from lightning and fire together.

Jokes besides, I’m not really saying the teams have got no logic, but I don’t like how Junpei’s speech about balance doesn’t really mirror the Fire group’s conformation: Fire is the only element acting as the powerful one needing to be dominated; Wind and Ice exstinguish it. If you take in consideration the Light group, instead, Thunder is supposed to generate light (for a second ,though, so it’s kinda…Forced🤣), while darkness turns light off. It works a little better, even though Junpei’s element should have been called Lightning and not Thunder. Isn’t thunder only the sound energy, after all? And why should I ask myself these questions to make my life more complex than what it already is?

Next.

Returning on the main topic, thunders can trigger fire and playing the destroyers role in the team would have been perfect for Takuya and Junpei, since they hold the most dangerous and untamable elements of the six kids, along with Izumi, I guess? Still, fire and thunders will always bring along risks, whereas wind can also blow in the shape of a kind and innocent breeze. So on a side you’d have Junpei and Takuya’s might knowing no control, on the other you’d have Tomoki or Izumi controlling that fire. In my opinion, it would have worked better if both groups had had a similar scheme. They should have originally picked an element that could have grown in might along with Fire, like, idk, something related to Sun since the Moon had a pretty important presence in Frontier…Again, mine is just wishful thinking.

I also find it interesting the Agni God from Hinduism, the one from whom Agnimon’s name (and concept too?) derives can assume three forms; On the earth He is fire, in the sky He is the Sun and in the atmosphere He is Lightning.

Moreover, when it comes to these teams, -which could have never existed in the story and we all would have been fine-, I would have loved it if the logic behind them had been based on relationships too, you know? I would have loved it if the kids in each group had been in that specific group because of a special development going on between them and the “leader”. Pff. Taking in consideration the elements thing didn’t really make that much sense, they could have taken this route, I suppose.

I frankly believe Izumi had more chemistry with Kouji than Takuya, not only because the very first drama and Izumi’s VA did make us understand she had a crush on Kouji, but also because Izumi and Kouji/ Lobemon and Fairymon had a history of collaboration behind them. I can think about Izumi’s infamous first battle where Kouji rescued her (…….) or the moment Fairymon convinced Lobemon to hold her hand. And, besides the fact Light and Wind were sealed together by Seraphimon (I remember?), even the movie seemed to like playing about hinting Izumi and Kouji were a team still missing its third member, while Junpei, Takuya and Tomoki were another one, already settled, with their dynamics playing in both directions:

-Junpei/Tomoki, who have always been considered as a duo even in cards.

-Takuya/ Tomoki sibilings bond

-Takuya/Junpei.

And here comes it: me disagreeing with you about the fact they have never interacted and showing you Junpei would have been a great member for the Fire team.

Both have had very intense moments of fights and arguments. Junpei has always buttheaded with Takuya because, like I was saying before, their tempers clash and explode when they enter in contact XD, and also because Junpei has always been bitterly envious of him, kinda feeling inferior than him and utterly useless from the very first episode.

(Ahh the flavour of the first Frontier half🔥⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️🔥🔥🔥🔥).

This can also be applied to Junpei/Kouji, but their development limits itself to that moment when Kouji rescues him (unnecessary trash I can ignore) or to the one before the Kerpymon fight, but at the end of the day that scene was focused on Junpei cheering both Takuya and Kouji up. That was the testament of someone who had started off as an egocentric kid and had had to gradually accept to be a shadow in a show he believed it was his (main love interest lady *cough* included💔⚡️).

You see, Takuya’s and Junpei’s growth as people who respect each other but still retain their bickering had more potential than Junpei/Kouji. A friend of mine also reminded me how similar they are, which is hilarious because Takuya asks Junpei if he’s an only child, but he himself has always acted as such as well, a spoiled kid, no matter he has got a younger brother.

In a certain sense, despite how much I dislike some writing choices thrown in there, the Dark Blitzmon episode also played a very good job at showing they had arrived so far in their relationship.

So I would have loved it if their development had had a good outcome, featuring Junpei, the one who has always refused to obey Takuya from the start by acting as an anti-leader, trusting him his powers. It would have been much more meaningful to me and that’s why Junpei will always be a member of the Fire group in my heart🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️.

[senstless]

Splinterlands BATTLE MAGE SECRETS Featuring Counterspell

Featuring Bronze League Summoner and Monsters in Action!

CHALLENGE RULES

RULESET: COUNTERSPELL

Description: All units receive the magic reflect ability at the start of the battle. Enemy units that attack with magic receive damage back.

Damage returned is equal to the damage of the attacker divided by 2, rounded up. Magic units with the reflection shield ability do not take damage from reflected magic attacks. The amplify ability increases damage.

Reasons Why I like it This is a great little rule set to help eliminate the overwhelming power of magic attacks. Having them take half of their damage back in reflection will reduce the likelihood of having in all my team. While some of this can be negated with void or high health or triage, overall there's a lot of low health magic cards that are simply too risky to play in the school set. Having it means that you are more likely to face melee and arrow attacks

The Matchup - Where Rules Sets, Splinters and Mana Collide

The Rule Sets

Watch the Match Here

MANA: 34

Ruleset: Broken Arrows: Monsters with ranged attack cannot be used.

Ruleset: Counterspell: All Monsters have the Magic Reflect ability.

Ruleset: Taking Sides: No neutral monsters may be used.

SPLINTERS: Fire, Water, Earth, Life, Death, Dragon

Initial Rule Set and Mana Gameplay Thoughts

Rulesets Another three rule set match. Having counter spell for me makes magic a hard play. I think there can be one maybe two magic cards to contend against. This becomes even more complicated as all arrow cards are excluded in the broken arrows will set meaning only magic and mainly can be used. This means it's likely to be a melee focused team that I am both going to play and face. The last rule set taking sides which eliminates the neutrals won't have as big of an impact on the game as the first two.

Mana 45 mana is a great number. I can play any card I want and multiple legendary high mana cost cards while still fill it up with you. Anything more and it starts to just be all 12 minute cars, and anything less and sometimes you have a hard time fitting your optimal line up in

Splinters Losing fire and water are both blows considering that these are going to be melee focused. Fire is a long-standing melee juggernaut with availably boost from the summoner plus a lot of good cards but I'm really focused, well water has the great ability to use the team full of boosted opportunity and reach cards that have trample.

Summoner UNDERBOSS FABINO I decided if I was going to play melee, I might as well boost a couple of cards with plus two May late to start the match.

First Position UNICORN MUSTANG One of my favorite cards from untamed, it has decent speed a solid attack plus void which means it's a great way to counter any magic cards I see while still attacking relatively early in the lineup. It also has a decent health which means it can get healed at least once before being eliminated

Second Position BRAMBLE PIXIE I don't use bramble pixie too often, but I don't have a good excuse. It's high health and we attacked with reach means it's a great second card especially with a healer behind. In this match it just seems logical as I am trying to build the biggest melee team I can.

Third Position QUEEN MYCELIA Yes it's magic, yes it's only up for health, but the real benefit comes from the protection it's going to give everyone with the armor. It will die in fourth round on reflection from its own attack, but I don't really play it to music attack, I want to protection on each one of my cards

Fourth Position KATRELBA GOBSON One of the most powerful cards once it gets on a roll the double sneak attack with bloodbus can be devastating. Once I give it to boost to start the match of a plus two melee, it will be doing four damage each with double strike for up to eight maybe damage in the first round.

Fifth Position GOBLIN PSYCHIC Wanted to heal my primary attack clients to allow Katrelba as much time as possible to get on a roll

Sixth Position MYCELIC SPLIPSPAWN In an attempt to also allow the Katrelba to get as much time going as possible I want to play slip spawn as a way to both counter Katrelba since his health is high enough to avoid a first round knockout in most cases.

Opponent Lineup & Match Play

Summoner HELIOS MATRIARCH Solid choice, adding speed and the ability to pull another Gladius card is always a solid choice

CHAOS DRAGON Bit of an odd choice, it does have ten health and a three magical attack with flying but overall it seems a little awkward in first position

CARNAGE TITAN A great card with a reach double strike decent health and very high armor, only thing I don't like is that it only has a base to melee attack which leaves it vulnerable to dispel.

GOBLIN PSYCHIC Please nicely with the first two monster choices as it can give them a decent heel in the first couple rounds to allow them to continue to protect the

KATRELBA GOBSON Much like me, the double sneak melee attack is the primary option. Luckily for me it doesn't appear to be boosted and with attacking slip spawn I have 11 health to get through before they start to build via bloodlust

BERTROL GOBSON Another nice Gladius card with great speed and bloodlust with opportunity. If it wasn't for slip spawn it could start to also become a heavy hitting card.

Round 1

That's around starts I'm feeling pretty good, I feel like I have a very nice counter to their lineup while at the same time having a significant advantage in the attacks. They do have the greater speed from their summoner and get to do most of their attacks first. Fortunately for me not much damages taken for all because I've got the extra armor. When it is my turn I get slightly unlucky on Katrelba first of it s double strike attacks that creates a mess, while the second one connects and knocks out Bertrol. I do have a second Miss from bramble pixie on chaos dragon, I guess the speed and flying was a good combination overall. We end around with only the one knockout.

Round 2

How's the round start again, I'm feeling pretty good. I have a double strike sneak attack dealing five day with each time that should significantly wipe out my opponent. My Katrelba attacks first this round, the first hit knocks out there's, and the second of the double strike knocks out goblin psychic. But this point I am already at an obscene 7 melee damage, 6 speed with five armor and seven health. This is already in a bag as I have not lost a monster and they are down to one.

Round 3

Who's around 3:00, but there's only four moves in round 3. And it is all Katrelba, her attack is high enough to eliminate that seven armor and the first round, and we're meeting health by the end. Securing yet another knockout and victory for my team.

Thoughts -

I think someone are choice and the addition of a taunting card really turn things around to my favor. Boosting the double sneak melee attack by 2:00 allowed me to secure a first round knockout. I also benefited heavily from having a high health taunting card which attracted all of their attacks and was able to sustain the damage without giving them a knockout and triggering bloodbust for them. Without building their stats Like I got to with mine things quickly got out of hand for them and I was able to just mop up the back line..

~~@senstless

[tournament-winners]

before we get to it i promise im not actually a poll georg I just run a poll-collecting blog for my fandom so I have a lot of tournaments on hand. that said:

Multifandom:

AO3 top ships bracket

Badass queer couples tournament

Canon misogyny victims tournament

Chaotic neutral tournament

Cringefail loser summit

Crown and sash tournament

Dysfunctional family fight

Fell first / fell harder ships tournament

Found family tournament

Ghost bracket

Guess that ship tournament: s1 | s2 | s3 | s4 | s5 | s6 | s7

Guy yuri poll

Haunting the narrative tournament

Hybrid battle

Incredibly caked up individuals

MLM ship bracket: first | second

Overworked blorbo battle

Red-black aesthetic bout

Ungodly amounts of godly trauma

Would fuck their clone tournament

Semi-multifandom:

Queer books:

Queer book character tournament: s1 | s2 | champion battle

Queer book ship tournament

Webnovels (general): Aroace-spec webnovel character tournament

BL (general): Yaoi Election

Danmei (Chinese BL webnovels):

Danmei character tournament: popular | less popular brackets

Danmei tournament

Baihe (Chinese GL webnovels): Baihe character tournament

Asian BL TV shows:

Best kiss in a BL

Best siblings in a BL

Biggest green flag in a BL

Causer of gender envy in a BL

Most autistic swag in a BL

Most babygirl in a BL (Asian BL TV shows)

Most bisexual swag in a BL (Asian BL TV shows)

Most whipped character in a BL

Poorest little meow meow in a BL

Mo Xiang Tong Xiu's novels:

MXTX character you most want to study like a bug tournament

Ultimate MXTX poor little meow meow

Single fandom:

Great battle of The Untamed couples (The Untamed/Chen Qing Ling)

SVSSS character tournament (The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System)

TGCF character tournament (Heaven Official's Blessing/Tian Guan Ci Fu)

Tournament of Jiang Cheng's lovers (Mo Dao Zu Shi/Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation)

wow this is a lot! thank you!

[brianlaundrie]

Brian Laundrie - News, Stories, Update and Comment

The FBI didn't determine what, precisely, Laundrie had written in the note pad and in the messages he'd shipped off misdirect. The messages were sent between Laundrie's telephone and Petito's telephone, as indicated by the articulation.

"The timing and content of these messages are characteristic of Mr Laundrie endeavoring to trick policing giving the feeling that Ms Petito was as yet alive," the assertion said.

Amazing Teton was the last spot the couple visited during their van trip the previous summer that finished with Laundrie strangely getting back alone in the vehicle.

The couple reported their excursion on Instagram. They crossed Colorado and on 12 August were come by police in Moab, Utah, after the two got into a fight.

Police video showed Petito depicting a battle that heightened. Police finished up Petito was the attacker yet officials chose to isolate them for the night instead of record charges.

Lawyers for the Petito and Laundrie families didn't quickly answer Friday to messages and instant messages looking for input about the FBI's decisions.

Potential human remaining parts were tracked down Wednesday in a Florida wild region alongside things accepted to have a place with Brian Laundrie, whose sweetheart, Gabby Petito, was found killed after he got back alone from their crosscountry excursion, as per the FBI.

Michael McPherson, head of the Tampa FBI office, said at a news meeting that it will require investment to distinguish the remaining parts, which criminological groups were inspecting. McPherson said they were found close to a rucksack and a note pad connected to Laundrie.

"We are working tenaciously to find those solutions for you," McPherson said, adding that the things and remains were tracked down in a marshy region — home to gators, snakes, coyotes and other untamed life — that had recently been submerged. "It's possible the group will be nearby for a few days."

Brian Laundrie guaranteed liability regarding killing his life partner, Gabrielle Petito, the Federal Bureau of Investigation said on Friday, as it arranged to close a case that had excited virtual entertainment and incited broad sleuthing by novice investigators.

The F.B.I. uncovered that a scratch pad that was tracked down close to Mr. Laundrie's body in October incorporated a composed admission, as the organization gave what it called a last analytical update on a case that had drawn a great many tips from people in general and connected with policing the nation over.

The F.B.I. didn't uncover subtleties of the implicating articulations other than to say that the scratch pad contained "composed explanations by Mr. Laundrie guaranteeing liability regarding Ms. Petito's passing."

"All coherent analytical advances have been deduced for this situation," Michael H. Schneider, the specialist responsible for the Denver field office, said in an explanation. "The examination distinguished no others other than Brian Laundrie straightforwardly engaged with the lamentable passing of Gabby Petito."

[cactusspatz]

October recs

I apparently had two reading settings in October: gen family fic and (mostly polyamorous) porn. Triads were in the air? So today I have 7 Batman/Batfamily fics, 1 Batman/Leverage crossover, 1 for The Untamed, and then three miscellaneous polyamory fics for Singin' in the Rain, comics Spider-Man/Fantastic Four, and Love & Friendship (in addition to the one DCU poly fic). Mostly gen except for the ones that are VERY not, I've marked pairings where needed.

DCU (in order from shortest to longest)

Clockwork by @heartslogos

“Do you even hear yourself when you talk?” Tim wrinkles his nose. “Also stop trying to hide the coffee. I’ll always find it. You just put it out of reach or opposite the peanut butter. I am on to you.”

Charming and detail-driven fic about Bruce and Tim, that really drives home how well and closely they know each other. (Also that they’re a couple of weirdos.)

sweet child o' mine by Nokomis/ @nokomiss

Steph said cheerfully, “Bruce, from now on, consider yourself in possession of one Steph-mom.”

“Absolutely not,” Bruce said.

Steph took a bite of her cake, undeterred.

I was howling with laughter reading this. Nokomis always writes Steph and pranking and comedy so well, and this one lands perfectly. Mom notes! Playdates! Snacks! So adorable and funny.

World’s Saddest Breakfast Club by @motleyfam

Following a couple of Very Bad Weeks™ (which may or may not have involved being kidnapped and mildly tortured), Jason decides the best way to cheer himself up is to break into the Manor for a 3 a.m. snack.

Turns out he isn’t the only one awake.

Chaotic and sweet, highly recommended to anyone who has feelings about food and family.

The Rule of Three by Zoeleo (Jason/Tim/Stephanie)

“Yeah. Um. Thanks, but I don’t wanna interrupt you guys or third-wheel you or anything so I’m just going to—” Jason tries to shrug on his jacket but one of the sleeves is turned inside out and his arm gets stuck.

“Well, technically you would be a third wheel. But like a structurally integral third wheel, one that’s an intentional part of the design. Like on a Polaris Slingshot or a—” Tim rambles until Stephanie smacks him again.

Jason loses the battle with the jacket. It drops to the floor with a heavy thump from too many gadgets hidden in secret pockets. Is Tim really proposing what he thinks he’s proposing?

Jason came for the pizza and MST3K, he may just stay for the face-sitting and multiple orgasms.

Pure threesome porn on the way to a relationship, plus great banter. Fittingly in a trilogy format.

The Last Someone by FabulaRasa/ @fabula-unica (Hal Jordan/Bruce Wayne)

I decided that what the fandom really needed was yet another object of Pussygate 2021 discourse, so here is my contribution, in which Bruce gets humiliated, Hal gets curious, and they both get what they're looking for.

In case you were (blessedly) living under a rock the last few weeks and don't know what any of this is about, here is your starter kit.

The first chapter of this is hysterical - Batman is ranked last on an internet article rating superheroes by how good they are at oral, and Green Lantern first, and then MORE shenanigans ensue - and then it takes a sharp swerve into feelings and some moderate angst. So ideal, really!

best laid plans by Valkirin

Tim Drake knows that Batman needs a Robin. When Bruce and Dick aren't interested in what he has to say, Tim makes his way to the cemetery to say a few words to the boy he's trying to replace.

Tim has the chance to say far more than he expected when Jason digs himself out of his grave that night. Tim does his best to get Jason home to Bruce. The League of Assassins finds them first.

Lovely hurt/comfort-y AU where Tim gets kidnapped along with Jason, and all the complications of that.

Recollect, re-collect by Ptelea

A spell gone wrong leads to Jason hashing some things out--with himself, with Dick, and with the rest of the Batfam. Featuring: rather a lot of thoughts and conversations about memory, change, damage, love and trust, accountability, family, hurt, lies, death, Spyral, pedestals, cases, memorials, stories, and Robin.

I am a sucker for amnesia fic, and this one is a terrifying variant where a spell makes people start to forget Jason. The resolution involves a truckload of feelings about Robin and Jason's place in his family, especially his relationship with Dick.

MISCELLANEOUS

The Gotham Job by Hinn_Raven/ @secretlystephaniebrown (Batman/Leverage, gen)

Generally, thieves of their caliber avoid Gotham. There are always exceptions that prove the rule, however.

(Or: five times that a member of Leverage met a member of the Batfamily, and one time that they teamed up.)

Fantastic read, with a creative set of character intersections and friendships between the two fandoms.

Knight Hunt! Phoenix Mountain by travelingneuritis (The Untamed, Wangxian)

 "Contestants get paid by the week. The longer you stay in the running and the more you charm the fans, the bigger your paycheck after the season wraps. People compete on Knight Hunt for fame, fortune and love. In that order."

I know, getting Lan Wangji onto a reality show convincingly is a big buy, but this one manages it, AND has peak Wei Wuxian gremlin action, modern cultivation, and a lovely romance. The author tagged it ‘low stakes pining’ and it’s just that - an engaging and emotional but easy read.

The Lockwoods & Mr Brown by @onlythegeste (Singin' in the Rain, Kathy/Don/Cosmo)

The continuing adventures of Kathy, Don and Cosmo in their house on Sunset and Camden.

Involving a camera, several pianos, scheming, dancing, and a magic trick.

Adorable look at their queer household and growing family across the decades. Well-written and perfectly satisfying.

A House in the Hills by @traincat (Spider-Man comics, Peter/Mary Jane/Johnny Storm)

   “Anyway, did you ever think I might want to sleep with him?”

   Peter sat straight up in bed and turned on the bedside light. Mary Jane was still sitting up, her arms crossed defiantly over her chest, staring straight ahead at a spot on the wall, twin angry spots of color in her cheeks.

   “You want to sleep with another man?” he demanded.

   “Well, ideally you’d be there, too,” she said, scowling.

Johnny is getting married. Peter is having a problem. Mary Jane has the solution. (Or, the Watson-Parkers homewreck their way to Johnny's happiness.)

I'm normally not a fan of any form of infidelity, but I'll make an exception for this situation (read the a/n for a brief overview), absolutely. Funny, sexy, and actually terribly romantic.

A Divinely Attractive Arrangement by @fahye (Love & Friendship, Lady Susan/Sir James/Manwaring)

A selection from the Private Diary of Sir James Martin of Martindale. Concerning Peas, Friendship, the state of Blessed Matrimony, and several wonders of Modern Medicine.

I’d argue that you don't even need to have seen the movie to enjoy this fic about the absolute dumbest golden retriever of a himbo to ever marry a manipulative woman so she might have cover to carry on with her lover, except since it's Fahye so of course things go poly instead in the FUNNIEST way possible. Bless his heart, I'd say Sir James has a pea brain but he doesn't even understand how peas work.

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 26 part one

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff)

Warning! Spoilers for All 50 Episodes! 

I’m Coming Up So You Better Get This Party Started

The Lans arrive just in time to see Cousin Jin Zixun hassling Su She, and they wonder how he has the fucking nerve to come to a party that they are also invited to. 

Su she was invited by his new best friend Jin Guangyao, who deploys a full-on charm attack, wrapping Su She permanently around his little finger. 

Smoother than the Lanling weather that’s how he holds himself together Watch out, he’ll charm you 

Jin Guangyao grew up with women who earned their living by being charming, pleasant, and hiding their true thoughts from their clients, and he appears to have mastered this useful skill set. With Su She, he exudes confidence and authority, allowing the lesser man to bask in his attention.

With Zewu Jun he deploys helplessness and embarrassment, effectively controlling a man with much greater power than his own.

Lan Xichen confronts him about Su She's presence, and Jin Guangyao pretends he didn't know that Su She was ex-Lan. This seems super unlikely, given that JGY is good at collecting information that he can use to fuck with people, and also that he sheltered Lan Xichen from the Wens directly after Su She betrayed him.

Lan Xichen seems like he doesn't believe what JGY is telling him but then he decides to drop it, passive-aggressively saying that since JGY is uninformed, he's not guilty. Lan Xichen is actually assuming a lot here about his right to tell Jin Guangyao who to invite and who to shun, but JGY doesn't push back. Lying is so much simpler.

(more behind the cut!)

Su She wins for most unintentionally sarcastic-seeming toasting expression.

Jiang Cheng, Party Animal

Jiang Cheng arrives at the party, bringing his Jiang retinue and his bad temper. He super obviously casts around to try to find Wei Wuxian, who already told him he probably wasn't coming to the party.

Jiang Cheng is that guy who only comes to a party because the girl he likes said she was thinking about going, and then he spends the whole party saying "hey have you seen Mei Lin? She said she was going to be here but I don't see her."

Jin Guangyao formally congratulates Jiang Cheng on the Jiang clan's success in the hunt, and Jin Guangshan toasts him. As always, Jiang Cheng reacts to praise from authority figures like it's rain in the desert, smiling from ear to ear. He says that the Jiang Clan will donate the prey from the hunt to the other gentry clans. ...what?

Are we seriously saying that when these dudes go night hunting it's not just to remove dangerous bad stuff, it's for profit? 

Like, do they eat monsters? Wear their fur? Make leather from their skin? Carve jewelry from their claws? Is Jiang Cheng wearing a purple monster's skin right now? (There will be an art prompt at the end of this post)

Meanwhile, check out the way Nie Huaisang is looking at Jiang Cheng, wow.

Forecast: Hazing

Having gotten the single pleasant part of the banquet over with, it's time for the Jins to pick on the Lans. Cousin Jin Zixun goads Lan Xichen into taking a drink with him, knowing that this is (mostly) against Lan rules. Jin Guangyao tries to stop him by saying, hilariously, that it's bad to drink and fly on a sword, but CJZX waves this away and keeps pushing, saying that if Lan Xichen won't drink, it's an insult to him.

A random cultivator who is definitely on the Jin payroll backs him up, saying that teetotaling is for losers, and Captain Blowhard boisterously agrees. Loudly agreeing with powerful people is the Yao clan's signature martial arts skill.

Jin Guangyao looks embarrassed and helpless, which is, as mentioned before, his own signature skill. But he's just playing his own part in this piece of theater; everything happening at this party (so far) is happening for the benefit of the Jin Clan. Cousin Jin Zixun is an ass, but he's not actually a loose cannon, and Jin Guangshan is clearly enjoying the Lans' discomfort.

Why? This entire party, the hunt, everything he's done since the end of the Sunshot campaign, has been designed to increase and consolidate his power. His main goal is to get the Yin Tiger seal, but reducing the status of the Lans is also a good move for him. The Lans have been the strongest opponents to the use of resentful energy, and worked the hardest to conceal and contain the Yin iron in the past. If he wants to use resentful energy as part of his own cultivation, he needs them to chill. 

So this is a bit of a test; will they comply with the will of the larger group in order to avoid conflict, or will they refuse, which will allow him to label them as iconoclastic weirdos?. 

Lan Xichen takes a long look at his brother, who is expressing all sorts of emotions while keeping his face very very still. 

At a guess, he is thinking that this entire party is bullshit, that his brother's willingness to play along with these assholes is bullshit, that being viciously beaten for having a single drink in his life was bullshit, that Wei Wuxian not being here right now is bullshit.

Lan Xichen picks the "go along, get along" path, having his drink and using his magic skill of anti-intoxication to neutralize it, as he'd done previously when drinking with Wei Wuxian. 

Cousin Jin Zixun picks on Lan Wangji next, and since he cannot magically or even non-magically tolerate alcohol, there is a real risk to his reputation if he drinks. But Lan Wangji breaks rules when he feels like it, not when people tell him to. He pointedly ignores the offered drink while Lan Xichen looks worried. 

The rest of the party guests have a wide variety of reactions, none of them helpful, to these shenanigans. Jin Guanshan's son and heir watches with calm interest as the power dynamics play out.

All of this is actually not great strategy for the Jins. The Lans don't play little social games to gain power, because all that time they spend not drinking, not gossiping, and not doing other stuff? Is spent cultivating and practicing sword and musical battle forms. The Lan Bros are overwhelmingly powerful as individuals, and embarrassing them won't change that.

It's moot, ultimately, because Wei Wuxian chooses this moment to arrive.

Darkness Visible

Wei Wuxian actually made a big impressive stair-climbing entrance to Jinlintai a few minutes ago, with camera work echoing Lan Wangji's stair climb at the Wen Indoctrination Bureau from several episodes back. 

But nobody was around to see that, other than us, and when he appears at the party it's in stealth mode; he steps into the frame from out of nowhere, and drinks Lan Wangji's unwanted drink.

Lan Wangji responds by looking at him like this for the next several minutes.

Wei Wuxian doesn't have time for their usual sport of Extreme Gazing, though; he came for a reason, which is to find and rescue Wen Ning. He gets right to it, asking Cousin Jin Zixun where he's keeping him.

Jiang Cheng, who is the king of worrying about the wrong fucking thing, jumps up to try to stop Wei Wuxian from talking. Like, seriously, he's ok with the Jins trying to take his clan's special extreme weapon, but he's not ok with his head disciple being rude in order to fulfill a whopper of a life debt--Jiang Cheng's life debt, in particular--or being rude in order to preserve the clan's independence.

Jin Guangshan decides this is a good moment to bring up the Yin tiger amulet. Wei Wuxian pushes back, hard, pointing out exactly what Jin Guangshan is doing. He says he's setting himself up to be a new Wen Ruohan. 

Lan Wangji pays close attention to Wei Wuxian's reasoning here, and so does Nie Mingjue, unless he’s just trying to mask his confusion. 

Jiang Cheng is too busy being horrified to listen, apparently. Or he just doesn’t agree, preferring to be reduced to a secondary authority, rather than defy a primary authority.

Wei Wuxian is, of course, all about independence; he was literally born to be a rogue cultivator, despite being dubbed “patriarch” himself, not long after this. 

Let’s Go Crazy Let’s Get Nuts

Wei Wuxian gets tired of the scene and decides to lose his temper. He makes a show of being enraged, and he genuinely is angry, but I don't think he's out of control, this time.  

He acts like he's out of control in order to scare everyone, but he makes his points very clearly, reminding everyone that he has power they don't have, that he's good at killing, that he's not patient, and that his teeth are nicer than everybody else’s. 

Everybody in the room freaks out to one degree or another--except Jin Guangshan, who is apparently too pissed off to be scared.

It's hilarious that Jin Guangshan thought he was going to get Wei Wuxian to hand the Yin Tiger amulet over by creating a complex system of social pressure against him. Wei Wuxian's favorite way of responding to social pressure is to escalate it into violence, regardless of the consequences; he's been doing that at least since Gusu Summer School and probably a lot longer. Jin Guangshan should know this, given how many beatings his son has taken from Wei Wuxian over the years.

Wei Wuxian does a fantastically sexy scary, theatrical countdown, and Cousin Jin Zixun caves in and gives him the information he wants. It's worth noticing that even under threat of death, CJZX doesn't comply until he visually checks in with his clan leader. He’s genuinely a bad person, yes, but he’s a loyal soldier, which is what most of these clans value most. 

As soon as he gets what he wants, Wei Wuxian is perfectly, smugly, in control of himself again. Everyone in the room is still stunned and afraid, so Jin Guangshan has achieved that much, at least; nobody likes Wei Wuxian having the Yin tiger seal now, including Jiang Cheng. 

As he leaves, Wei Wuxian has one of those conversations with Lan Wangji in which everything is said in glances in the course of a couple of seconds. 

WWX: I love you, I have to leave you; I've got some shit to take care of and I won't be coming back to all of this. 

LWJ: I love you; I'm probably going to have to fight you; your funeral is going to be so upsetting

Wei Wuxian turns away from everyone, and you can see the weight settling on his shoulders, as he contemplates the choices he just made and the choices that are still ahead of him. 

Jin Guangshan, for the first and only time, loses his temper in front of everybody, literally flipping a table because he's so mad about what just happened. 

Art prompt: Jiang Cheng wearing an outfit made of a Chinese mythical creature. Bonus points if it’s a qilin. Bonus bonus points if Zhang Qiling (from DMBJ/Lost Tomb franchise) is standing next to him looking grumpy while Jiang Cheng wears an outfit made from a qilin. 

Soundtrack: Get This Party Started by Pink, Charm Attack by Leona Naess, Let’s Go Crazy by Prince. 

[korpikorppi]

The Untamed costumes 22/?

Nie Mingjue's outfits 1: The wide-shouldered Qinghe robes (episodes 10 and 11).

Time for another costume post, and a high time to get Da-Ge's outfits started, I think! So, let's look at the set of robes Nie Mingjue wears when we first see him, making his unforgettable entrance into the drama in episode 10, turning Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian into flustered fanboys and making even Lan Wangji to straighten his back (but not straighten, if you know what I mean). And that he keeps wearing during the Wen attack and the subsequent banishment of Meng Yao in episode 11.

So, let's start! From earlier looks at Meng Yao's and Nie Huaisang's outfits, it is quite clear that the Nie tastes lean towards many layers, but I was only able to see three in Da-Ge's outfit:

The black undergarments / inner layer: the zhongyi (中衣) or zhongdan (中單) (the pants and the shirt), and the chang (裳) (a separate, typically pleated skirt).

The light grey middle layer.

The wide-shouldered open coat/robe as the outer layer. An open-fronted robe worn as a coat would is called a zhaoshan (罩衫) according to hanfu Wikipedia, but the wide, winged shoulders do not have an equivalent in the historical, traditional hanfu.

Let's start with a couple of words about the fabrics. This whole outfit is characterised by the metallic, silvery appearance. As far as I have understood (could well be wrong, though), in historical times metallic colours were achieved by actually weaving thin metal (usually gold and silver) threads into the fabric (like damask and, more often, brocade) to create patterns, which resulted in rather heavy and stiff fabrics depending on the proportion of metal thread to the fiber used (usually silk). Judged by the appearance, there is a fair amount of silver thread in Nie Mingjue's robes, especially in the wide-shouldered coat/robe. Judged by the drape of the fabric, though, it doesn't seem very thick or stiff (Lan Xichen would like to point out that that is fals... Zewu Jun, I am still talking about the fabric!), so I'm assuming the metallic effect to be due to use of silk in various shades of grey, with perhaps some metal thread woven in. Or it could just be a secret fabric manufacturing technique of Ancient Fantasy Cultivation China, of course. So, let's leave the fabrics with that and look at the details :).

The first thing to point out from this impressive image is the belt Da-Ge wears with this outfit, as it is also quite impressive. Tooled leather, with metal bits (the demon's? head and the rings) that look like antiqued bronze, perhaps. Worn over a silk sash that has a metallic sheen in pale gold (that could actually be silvery). The second is the neckline of the outer robe/coat, which has a black trimming that only goes down to chest height.

The fabric of the black trimming has a scale-like pattern/texture, and the same fabric has been used in the narrow decorative stripes at the shoulder "wings" of the outer robe/coat. The shoulder wings are very wide and are edged with black fabric with a swirly pattern in silver. The overall colour of the outer robe/coat is a medium charcoal grey with silvery highlights, produced by a crosshatch pattern/texture in the aforementioned colours. The middle robe is lighter grey, with a more even, finely stippled appearance. The lapels of the middle robe have narrow trimming done with the fabric used for the outer robe.

The decorative edging of the wide shoulder wings continues down the back of the outer robe/coat, to form a rectangular panel going down to the waist. And a side note: Baxia has no scabbard. Baxia needs no scabbard. Baxia wants no scabbard.

Full-body shot. The hem of the black skirt of the undergarments is visible below the hems of the middle and outer layers. The sleeves of the middle and outer robes are wide...

...and used to great dramatic effect.

The sleeves of the outer robe/coat have trimmings similar to the shoulder wings. This close-up also beautifully shows all the different textures and shades of grey in this outfit.

The slits at the side and the back of the middle and outer robes can just be made out here. Ease of movement for any sudden battle needs.

This post would not be complete without a close-up of Da-Ge's beautiful braids and his lovely side hair pieces.

An outfit made to impress. It could easily be too much if worn by a lesser man, but it is just perfect for Chifeng Jun 🖤.

[atsuminthe]

Sharing is caring

—The twins fight over your affection. You decide to share the love and treat them both.

note: mm i love the miyas so this was super fun to write (◕દ◕) oh to be tsum’s princess and samu’s puppy 😔

warnings: female reader, 18+, threesome, incest (i’m not too sure about this one but i put it here anyway), anal sex, double penetration, nipple play, slight spanking, praise/degradation (very mild), slight dacryphilia, slight dumbification, pet names, one (1) clit spank

taglist: @nakizumie; @risjime; @lovelytarou;

“Wait, ‘Tsumu—”

Atsumu whines when you push him off of you, flopping on the other side of your bed, and you scramble to your feet to grab a t-shirt from the floor. You hastily pull it over your head and open the door.

“Yes, sorry—oh, ‘Samu!” you beam, patting your hair to smooth it down a bit. Osamu smiles, taking in your dishevelled form—his cheeks tint a pretty pink when he realizes that you’re only in your underwear and that’s his twin’s shirt slightly covering your thighs. “What’s the matter?” He clears his throat awkwardly.

“Am a interruptin’ something?” he asks, grey eyes flickering from your face down to your body, then shifting behind you to see his twin splayed on the bed. You shake your head, smiling.

“No, actually—”

“YES, YA ARE!” Atsumu cuts you, raising his body and propping himself on his elbow. “Now scram, scrub,” he frowns, gasping when Osamu flips him off. With a sigh, the silver-haired twin shifts his attention to you.

“A can come later if ya—” he starts, but you grab his hands, pulling him into your bedroom and pushing his chest until he falls into the bed next to his brother. An idea pops in your head—and by the pink flush on Osamu’s face, he will definitely like it.

“What the fuck—” Atsumu huffs, raising an eyebrow, but you shush him as you jump between them, kneeling in front of Osamu with a grin.

“Wanna join us?”

To say he’s shocked—him, and his twin—is an understatement. His pupils are blown wide, eyes almost black, as the blond gasps behind you. “C’mon! It’ll be fun, I promise,” you laugh as Atsumu’s hands circle your waist, slipping under the maroon shirt and making you shudder. “Besides, I love you both the same. It wouldn’t be fair if only ‘Tsumu gets action.” Osamu stares, dumbfounded, not knowing what to do, while Atsumu becomes impatient at the lack of attention he receives.

“HEY! Yer my girlfriend,” the setter pouts, accentuating ‘my’ with a sharp nip to your neck, growling at the way you mewl his name. “An’ a don’t like sharin’.”

“‘Tsumu—it’s not fair for ‘Samu, I want him to have fun too,” you manage between moans, head thrown back and resting on the blond’s shoulder. He gives his twin a sharp look—she’s mine, it says—but then realizes something.

This is a great opportunity to show you that nobody—not even his own brother—can fuck you better than him. He smirks, then fakes a sigh and clicks his tongue. “Fine, a guess he can join,” he relents, lifting the shirt so his brother has a perfect view to your just-as-perfect chest, moving his hands to pinch one of your nipples. The motion makes you arch your back with a muffled moan, and the blond can see his sibling eyeing your perky tits hungrily. “Go ahead—don’t just stand there like an idiot.”

And the silver-haired spiker complies, dipping his head down to latch his mouth onto your other nipple, massaging your breast as he does so. The hotness of his tongue, coupled with the swirl of it and the gentle sucks force a wobbly moan out of you, thighs trembling as you rub them against each other, trying to get some relief from the friction. Atsumu is quick to part your legs, hand shooting between them to rub your clit through your panties. He groans at the wetness he finds there.

“Naughty little thing—yer enjoyin’ this, aren’t ya?” he coos, and all you can do is let out a gurgled moan, hands scratching at said man’s shoulder and the blond’s arm. Your hips buck into Atsumu’s fingers, and he nudges his brother to take off your panties—he does, throwing them somewhere on the floor while moving his head to place sloppy kisses down your body—on your breasts, under them, your ribcage, your tummy—gently biting the soft flesh of your inner thigh. Osamu peppers your skin with nips and sticky kisses, inching closer and closer to your heated core. Each ministration makes you gasp, and Atsumu turns your head to crash his lips over yours, stealing your breath away. He’s feral—like his brother, really. It feels like a competition of who can make you feel the best.

Unbeknownst to you, it is.

You arch your back, moaning against the Atsumu’s lips when Osamu licks a stripe from your hole to your clit. It feels so good, and you’re so hot—you need release, and you need it now. The hand scratching his shoulder moves to grip his hair, tugging lightly on it to signal him that you need whatever he gives you—Osamu has always been at your beck and call, as did his brother, and now is no exception as he begins lapping at your cunt, groaning at the sweet taste of you. It’s addicting, intoxicating—he’s drunk on you, he wants more—he grabs your legs, throwing them over his shoulders, and continues eating you out like he’s a man starved.

Atsumu relishes in the little sounds you make. “So pretty for us,” he breathes against your lips, dragging his teeth across the lower one. One hand is squishing your chest, the other plays with your clit.

“‘S too much...” you mewl, black spots dancing at the edge of your vision. The twins groan in unison.

“Too much? Is our sweet little thing backing out now?” the blond mocks, and—as if on cue—Osamu releases your poor hole with a wet pop. You whine at the loss, hands blindly searching for them, and they chuckle at the way your body trembles with need.

“Hey, ‘Samu.”

“Yeah, ‘Tsumu.”

“She did pretty well, didn’t she?”

“Sure did. We should reward her.”

Atsumu’s fingers gently rub at your clit—you’re close, he knows, but he also knows that only this is not enough for you to get off. “Ya hear that, princess? ‘Samu wants to reward ya.” Your whimpers make their features soften, and they nod at each other, maneuvering you so you properly sit in Atsumu’s lap, with Osamu kneeling between your spread thighs. They lick their lips, watching the way you twitch in anticipation.

“How ‘bout ya decide what ya want, huh?” Osamu questions, holding one of your hands and raising it to press a kiss to the back of your palm. “A’m feelin’ generous tonight.”

Your moans and whimpers go unnoticed as Atsumu groans, an impatient sound, and roughly spanks your puffy clit—it makes you whimper, a bit of drool running down your chin. “Look at ya—yer so down bad for this ya can’t even speak,” he says, biting the love of your ear. “Use yer words, slut.”

“I–I want—” you hiccup, tears starting to fall from your eyes as the blond teases your slit by dragging the pads of his fingers along it, “I want you two! Please, ‘Tsumu, ‘Samu!”

“There ya go,” Osamu coos, wiping a few of your tears. “Yer not that much of a dumb puppy, are ya?” You can’t see it, but the glint in their eyes has become a fire. He leans down, pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead. “Ya want ‘Tsumu to hold ya?” he asks, and you nod eagerly.

It’s not like you haven’t done anal before. You did, in fact—your blond boyfriend was always open to new ideas (“spice up the atmosphere”)—and it felt amazing, but you don’t know how you’ll manage to fit both of the twins. If Osamu is anything like his brother when it comes to length and girth, it will be a ride.

As if sensing your hesitation, Atsumu cups your cheek and presses a kiss to your temple. “Don’t worry, princess, we’ll take care o’ ya. Tell us if ya want to stop.”

Compared to Atsumu—who’s notorious for being fiery and untamed, burning you with his passion if you’re not careful and always eager to please—Osamu is a bit calmer. That doesn’t mean he’s going to back down or let his brother outshine him, of course—he’ll cool you down with his love, his kisses reminding you of a gentle breeze.

The blond slips his hand down, kneading the soft flesh of your ass and giving is a few light slaps. The growl in his chest rises the moment he sees your arousal dripping down your thighs, and his boxers fly somewhere next to your panties on the floor, swiftly joined by his twin’s. He rubs the head of his cock between your folds to slick it up, long fingers prodding at your puckered hole. He pushed one finger past the tight muscle ring—slowly, holding your hand—while he kisses your shoulder. “‘S okay, princess, a got ya,” he whispers when you squirm, giving Osamu a side glance. He moves his fingers easily, making good work of your focus on the twin in front of you.

His brother is too mesmerised with the way his cock disappears inside your cunt, velvety walls sucking him in and making him groan. He’s had sex before—it just didn’t feel like this: so amazing he might explode. You’re perfect, everything about you is—he bottoms in one fluid motion, making you throw your head back with an breathy moan of his name, giving the spiker an opportunity to suck a hickey on your neck.

Atsumu has long since removed his fingers, squeezing a bottle of lube on his dick to make sure he’ll slip in as smoothly as possible—he does, pushing in slowly and making sure it doesn’t hurt you.

They haven’t even started moving and it’s already overwhelming. Your vision is dotted with stars, your thighs are shaking and your breath is ragged, moans escaping every so often. “Feels—great...” you whimper, toes curling at the blond’s hips finally meet the soft expanse of your ass. “Move...”

And they do. Gently at first, letting you accommodate their sizes, then increasing their pace with every pleasured cry that leaves your lips. Grunts, whimpers, sobs and gasps fill the room as the twins rock their hips, battling over who gets to kiss you first and where, who makes you feel better and who loves you more. You feel the knot in your stomach tighten—but you can’t say anything, your brain to hazy and fucked out to form anything other than broken sounds.

“Look at you—we fucked ya stupid, haven’t we, princess?” Atsumu pants from behind you, nibbling at your ear. “Such a good girl—always so obedient and eager—”

“Yer squeezin’ me so tight, puppy—” Osamu groans, grabbing your jaw and making you look at him. He chuckles at the way your unfocused, teary eyes watch him, tongue lolled out, drool dripping down your chin as you pant and gasp. “So messy, just for us...” he smiles, feeling close. He stills his hips after he pushes in roughly, filling you to the brim with his cum.

Their words spur you on and bring you closer to your orgasm—soon, you break completely with a scream, body spasming and convulsing with the intensity of your release. You fall limp in Atsumu’s waiting arms, and he peppers your neck with sweet kisses as Osamu pulls his softening cock out of you, leaving his brother to chase for his high—he comes soon enough with a muffled groan, and you whine at the slight overstimulation. He shushes you with a kiss to your cheek.

The blond lets your back fall on the bed as he moves to sit next to his twin, watching with a smirk the way your plush thighs still shiver slightly in the aftermath. He loves it when you’re messy like this—cum oozing out of your pretty cunt, face full of tears and drool, sweat glistening on your skin—it gives him a sense of pride. A job well done, as he likes to put it. He fistbumps Osamu, and they smile.

“Ya know what ma’ always says,” the setter starts, grabbing a towel and cleaning you up as you weakly grab his hand—he raises it to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it and whispering a soft ‘a love ya, princess’. He crawls next to you, draping an arm over your waist.

“Sharin’ is carin’,” the spiker finishes, flopping on the other side of the bed, placing your head on his bicep. Both of them kiss each of your temples, and you fall into a blissful sleep, warmth and love enveloping you from all sides.

You could get used to this.

[lucky-cat-13]

The Great Battle of The Untamed Couples

Quarterfinals, Bracket 1

[mirkwoodshewolf]

TCATC Chap. 22; Smaug destroys Laketown

*Author’s note*

Now this will be a short chapter that kicks off the Battle of the Five Armies part of my story but no worries I’ll have the next couple of chapters up momentarily after this is posted. Now like I said this kicks off the start of the BOTFA so that means there will be death by fire, mentions of people on fire, death, dragon fire, and ghostly spirits. Other than that I hope you all enjoy these next few chapters. 

NEXT CHAPTER

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@waddles03​

@psychosupernatural​

@ixchel-9275​

@queensdivas​

@queen-paladin​

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​

@peter-parkers-cullen-nerd​

__________________________________________________________

The toll bells rang, the panicked screams of people, and the hurricane flap of wings were getting closer and closer.  Smaug was coming, and he was raging with fury.  I got up from the bed, staggering to get back on my feet.  Bofur came to my side and said to me.

“Hela, you—”

“We have no time. Where are the others? Where are Bard’s children?”

“In the living room.” I pushed onward and trudged through the house and urged everyone.

“We have to leave. Now!”

“Hela…” the dwarf princes spoke in unison.

“Sigrid, go with Fili and Kili and get the boat ready for departure. Oin, gather whatever medicine you can find, Bofur, grab the first piece of clothing you can see. Tilda come here.” Everyone did as they were told and Tilda came up to me holding her raggedy doll I once gave her for Yule Time.  “Just stay close to either me or your sister, okay?” she nodded as I stroked her face comfortingly before removing Haldir’s cloak from my shoulders.

“Aunt Hela we’re not leaving. Not without father.” Bain said as he came up to me.  I wrapped Haldir’s cloak around Tilda’s shoulders and told Bain the blunt truth.

“If we stay here, we’re all going to die.” I stood up and gripped Bain’s shoulders and said to him as I looked him dead in the eyes. “And I can’t bear to lose you children to dragon-fire.” Not again.

After packing only what we could, we raced down below to the escape boat Bard and I built together when he and his wife first settled here.

“Quickly now! Hurry!” I said getting into the boat first before helping Tilda on board, followed by Sigrid, then Bain, and then my dwarvish friends and brothers.  The panicked screams of the people as they began to row as fast as they could, some even claiming to see Smaug through the thick clouds that surrounded the city.

Once we were all on board, Fili and Bofur took the long oars and began to row us away from the house and down the lake.  That’s when a rush of air came from behind us and an exclamation from a man nearby.

“DRAGON!!” then finally for the first time ever, I got to see the Dragon Smaug with my own eyes.  In fact he was my first dragon I’ve ever seen in person.

A mighty fire drake with a long, snake-like body. Great large wings that flapped like a hurricane, claws like spears, and his eyes burning with a fiery wrath.  He let out a great, fearsome roar that pierced the hearts of all around us, including myself.

He flew high above the town before swan-diving downward.  From his chest, a fiery glow shined which soon spread up along his neck until finally—ROAR!!! A wave of dragon fire rained down upon the city.

The heat was almost like a Celestial’s enhanced flame, however unlike providing some form of control, dragon-fire was wild, untamable, and full of hatred and rage.  I saw as people who were still trying to escape, were set ablaze like dry grass on the field.  Their screams of agony as they tried to put out the fire on their skins.

If only the Deviants hadn’t taken my attention away from Dale and Erebor, I might’ve been able to prevent all of this from happening.

After his first attack, Smaug flew back up to the sky to make ready to strike another part of the city.  I looked around and saw nothing but ruin and death.  I extended my hand hopefully to see if I could call upon Cersei’s power to raise the water and douse the fires out, but I was still too weak to use my powers.

“Hela you cannot risk using your powers. You were barely able to stand as it was.” Oin advised me.  As much as I hated to admit it, he was right.  Next thing I saw, Smaug’s fire raged down again.  This time it came from behind us.  Cutting off the people who were just leaving their homes escape route, and some of them to burn in the licks of dragon-fire.

Buildings after buildings were being burnt to the ground and the agonizing screams of people as they died, it made my own Celestial magic go higher than they’ve gone in a long, long time.

“Look out!” Bofur exclaimed.  Soon our boat was rammed by another one, and I wasn’t surprised to see that it was the Master’s boat.  Filled to the brim with the town’s gold.  His pathetic, feeble screams to tell the guards to go faster and ordering us to get out of his way.  Along with his whining over his precious gold being lost to the lake.

I held on tight to the girls as Bofur and Fili tried to keep the boat afloat with the oars.  I glared at them, surely there will be a worthy comeuppance for their greed and pride.

“Keep going.” I ordered.  Fili and Bofur rowed us onward and that’s when we came across a couple of families stranded from the flames.  I knew the path they were one and there was an alternate path they could take.  “Hey! Hey listen to me!” I exclaimed.  They turned to me and I continued, “Go back and then make a left at the flower shop. There’s an open access path you can take to head out to the open waters!”

“Thank you miss!” the father proclaimed before ordering his three sons to turn the boat around while the mother and her five children (three sons and two girls) also called out.

“God bless you Lady Celestial!” as her sons made work to turn their boat around to follow the father and his sons.  Any family that we passed by that got stuck by a firewall or would risk getting hit by Smaug, I told them an alternate path for them to take and to look for signs of when Smaug would breathe down his fury.

“Da!” Bain exclaimed.  I heard the gasp from Tilda and she too exclaimed.

“DA!!” I along with the dwarves turned to see Bard standing right on the toll bell’s tower, a long bow in hand firing arrow after arrow. Even if I had not been there to see it myself, it was like seeing Girion and what he must’ve been going through when he took his last stand at Dale all those years ago.

One arrow hit Smaug near the suppose ‘loose scale’ as some legends tell, when he swooped down to strike the town again with his fire.

“He hit it! He hit the dragon!” Kili exclaimed.

“No.” I muttered shaking my head.

“He did! He hit his mark I saw!”

“His arrows cannot pierce Smaug’s hide. And I fear nothing will.” I said, knowing that dragon’s hide was tough, tougher than even the strongest armor.  The only weapon that could pierce it would be a black arrow but—none have been made in ages.

Suddenly Bain grabbed a hook and he swung out from the boat. Everyone began to exclaim ordering him to come back, as did I.

“Bain! BAIN!!” I exclaimed. “You come back here this moment!” he did not listen as he ran towards the statue of the Master of Laketown. I growled and turned to Kili, gripping his arm.  “Do not let these girls out of your sight, you hear me?”

“Hela what are you—” I dove into the icy cold water and swam as best as I could.  For as weak as I was, my body felt the icy pricks of the cold water but I kept pressing onward.  I swam and I swam and I swam until I finally reached Bain who was digging through some tarps and nets that were in some abandoned boats.

“Bain son of Bard!” I exclaimed.  I pushed myself onto the dock and gripped his shoulders shaking him roughly as I snapped, “What in the seven hells were you thinking lad!? Don’t you know you could’ve been killed!”

“But aunt Hela, I needed to find it!”

“Find what!?” I snapped at him.  He got out of my grip and pushed away a tarp and there I saw it. “It cannot be.” I breathed out.  A black arrow!? A real and bonified black arrow. “How did—”

“Da had it built within the house. When you were sick, he said he was going to kill the dragon should it come for us. But the Master’s guards came after us and arrested him, I had to hide it where no one would look for it.” I cupped the side of his face, brushing the hair out of his bangs.

“All right Bain. Now take this boat, and get out of here. Find anyone in your path and go with them.”

“No aunt Hela I want to stay and help Da!”

“No Bain!” I urged.  I took a sharp breath in.  I cupped his face in my hands and rested my forehead over his.  “I lost someone very near and dear to me from this beast. I will not lose you too. Nor your father. I shall help him. Meanwhile you get out of here. You have so much to live for Bain. Don’t throw your life away when you still have so much to give, to be and to do. Promise me Bain! You will not look back till you reach shore, promise me!”

“I-I promise.” I kissed his forehead and took the black arrow from him and helped him into the boat.  I looked around for an oar, a beam of wood, anything to send him off.  Until I finally found an oar.  It didn’t look much but it was sturdy enough to send him off. I gave the oar to Bain and pushed the boat along and he took off.

“Girion, hear my prayer; watch over your descendants and guide them safely out of dragon fire. And may I redeem myself in your eyes by saving your reincarnated spirit that is Bard.” I took off running for the tower as fast as I could.

Smaug came flying so close to the tower and even as I climbed it, I felt his massive body hit it trying to knock Bard off the tower.  It even sent me to my feet for a brief moment before I pushed onward.  I raced up the stairs till finally Bard was in my sights.

“BARD!!” he turned to me.

“Hela?” he crawled over to me and urgently said. “What are you doing? Why didn’t you leave? You were supposed to leave along with my children!”

“I came to help you.”

“No! Not even your Celestial magic can stop it.” That’s true but I wasn’t referring to my magic alone.

“But this can.” I said holding up the black arrow to him. His eyes glistened with tears as he cupped the side of my face.

“Hela, I know what you’re trying to doing. But if you wish to redeem yourself, then leave. You get out of here. Find my children and protect them.” I shook my head as my eyes filled with tears.

I failed and lost Girion, I can’t afford to lose Bard too.

My eyes widened and I exclaimed Bard’s name as I pushed myself up and covered his body with mine.  Smaug was coming in towards the tower again and once again he struck the tower, taking out the rooftop and the bell.

As the rubble from the ruined roof of the bell tower fell into the sea, I had been thrown off of Bard and was hanging on by my fingertips over the kindling flames below.  I heard Bard call out my name and I called out for him.  He came over to the side and gripped my hand tightly and pulled me up back onto the tower.

I pushed the black arrow over to the top and gripped Bard’s coat with my free hand and helped myself over till I was once again lying on top of him his arms wrapped around me.

“Are you okay?” he asked me.

“Go….and end that witless worm’s life once and for all.” I spoke in a low, menacing tone.  His eyes hardened as he gently set me aside and grabbed the black arrow before standing before the mighty beast that had landed about a half mile away from us.

“WHO ARE YOU!? THAT WOULD STAND AGAINST ME!!?” challenged Smaug.  Bard went to pick up his bow, only to see that was broken.  I saw his expression grow fearful and Smaug took great pleasure in it as he mocked. “Now that is a pity.”  Bard turned towards the great firedrake.  “What will you do now……Bowman? You are forsaken. No help will come.” Smaug continued to taunt as his attention turned fully onto Bard.

Bard in a slight panic tried to see what all he could use to make a new bow.  As I stood up that’s when Smaug’s eye turned towards me.  A deep rumble from his chest came out as he hummed before a smirk came across his face and his serpent tongue stuck out to lick his lips.

“The last of the Celestials.” I gasped as Bard looked to me before turning back to Smaug.  “Not even She can save you from the fire. She….will….BURN!!” his eyes glowing like his flames as he growled lowly.

“Hela.” Bard said to me.  I turned to him and without even needing to say another word, I knew what he had planned.  I nodded and together the two of us went to work.  We both struck a broken end of the bow Bard had gotten from the armory onto a beam of wood from the tower.  Bard then fastened a bowstring he always kept on his person (a good archer always carries a backup bowstring wherever he goes. That’s the first thing I taught him).

And as for the balance for the arrow, well that’s where I came in as it lay there against my left shoulder.  In a situation like this, a normal human would’ve easily been decapitated by the velocity of the bowstring trajectory.  That’s why as a Celestial, we’re born with touch bodies to handle these situations.

But even if I was still recovering from Sauron’s possession over my body, I had to hope that I could still hold on and take the hit of the bowstring.

“Stay still Hela,” Bard advised me as he pulled the black arrow back as far as he could.  “Stay still.”

“Tell me….wretch. How now shall you challenge me?” Smaug challenged.  I took notice of how Bard’s eyes widened before slowly narrowing downward.  He found his target.  “You have nothing left….but your DEATH!!!” Smaug let out a roar and began to march forward.  

I couldn’t help but turn around but a voice called me back.

“Hela, look at me.” I turned back around and saw Bard but also another figure came behind him.  It was a transparent figure at first but soon his face became clearer.

It was the spirit of Girion.

“You look at me, my friend.” Bard spoke to me.  But as he spoke, Girion mouthed the same phrase at the same time Bard spoke.  It was like both of them were speaking to me.

My lip trembled but my eyes hardened as I dried my tears up and nodded.  I watched as Girion placed his hands on Bard’s elbows as Bard told me.

“Little to your left.” As slow as I could, I leaned to my left till he gave me the all clear. “That’s it.”

Bard waited for the right moment to release the arrow and Girion kept his eyes on me as well as the foul beast that came up behind us. Finally Bard released the arrow and Girion’s spirit shot out along with the arrow.  As his spirit went through me, his voice said in my head.

‘You have always been forgiven, Hela.’ That’s when I heard the piercing of skin and as Bard and I ran to each other holding one another to see Smaug roar in pain and at last second, his body redirected itself to slam into the side of the tower instead of head on like he wanted.

But with the tower on its last leg from the fires below and the sudden force of the dragon’s body, it slowly began to tip and Bard and I fell into the water.  

“Hela! Hold on!” Bard exclaimed as we held onto each other as tightly as we could before the last thing we felt was the icy embrace of the water.

*3rd Person POV*

In agony, Smaug rolled and tumbled over the burning buildings of Laketown before flying back up towards the sky.  His form crawling up to the heavens like a man trying to save himself from drowning as he grunted and moaned in agony.

Until with one final hiss and grunt, his burning eye diminished and his movement stilled.  Smaug was at last dead.

His body fell from the sky and landed right on top of the Master’s boat, sending him, his guards and the gold down into the depths of the river.

From the mountain, the Company that had left for Erebor all shot their heads up as Ori asked.

“What was that? What happened?”

“It fell, I saw it.” Bilbo said as he walked forward a bit to look down at Laketown.  As they looked upon the burning city on the lake, Bilbo confirmed it when he saw that Smaug had no resurfaced from the water. “It’s dead.” He turned to the company and said again, “Smaug is dead!”

“By my beard, I think he’s right. Look there!” Glóin exclaimed. Soon dozens of ravens soon came flying into the gates as Glóin spoke his older brother’s portents, “The Ravens of Erebor are returning to the Mountain!”

“Aye.” Balin agreed. “Word will spread. Before long, every soul in Middle Earth will know….the Dragon is dead!” the dwarves all cheered, all except for Thorin who eyed his Mountain with a fierce lust and walked back towards the gates.

[mst3kproject]

The Monster of Piedras Blancas

At some point I realized that I'd done an awful lot of fishman movies on this blog, so I decided I needed a tag for them.  I chose #it's beginning to look a lot like fishmen, after a rather amusing musical version of The Shadow over Innsmouth that you can find on YouTube.  Most of them are less fun than said video, and this one very much so.  It qualifies itself for MST3King by featuring Forrest Lewis from The Thing that Couldn't Die, Don Sullivan from The Giant Gila Monster, and Jeanne Carmen from Untamed Youth.

Some lonely people feed the birds or stray cats in their neighbourhood. The lighthouse keeper of Piedras Blancas doesn't have any of those, so he feeds the fish monster that lives below the rocks.  As long as he does this, it only occasionally kills people when they wander into its territory, but trouble begins when the grocer fails to save enough meat scraps to satisfy it.  Soon the hungry beast is lopping heads off right and left and draining the bodies of blood!  The local constable thinks he may have a homicidal maniac on his hands, but marine biologist Fred identifies a shed scale at the scene as belonging to a Diplovertebron, a beast thought to be long-extinct.

Diplovertebron is an actual creature with its own Wikipedia article and everything. According to said article, it was a lizardy sort of a thing that lived in what is now the Czech Republic three hundred million years ago, and was around half a meter long.  It's a very obscure and not terribly threatening animal, and I have a hard time imagining why the writers chose it, of all extinct creepy-crawlies, to be their monster's ancestor.  It doesn't even have a very interesting name. 'Diplovertebron' is quite technical-sounding and has too many syllables to roll nicely off the tongue.  Why not pick something that at least sounds scary?

The Monster of Piedras Blancas is a bloated, sedate movie.  It knows that movies need breaks between the actiony bits... but its actiony bits have no real action, and the talky scenes it inserts to space them out are deathly dull and contribute almost nothing.  There's a bit where two characters discuss a victim's time of death in great detail, taking into account things like a spilled bottle of ink, that would have reduced Joel to tears.  It almost becomes a joke when Fred and the Doctor discuss the minutiae of Diplovertebron scales, while the constable sits there growling impatiently at them.  When even your characters think the movie is too slow, you have a problem.

Everything that might possibly be exciting takes place off-screen.  This is fine and even expected during the 'building suspense' parts – of course we don't see the deaths of the fishermen or the grocer. The bit where we first see the entire monster, when characters open a walk-in fridge and it lumbers out holding a severed head, is honestly pretty well-done.  After that, however, we should finally get to see some monster-eating-people scenes... but since this is yet another stupid rubber fishman suit a la the She-Creature, all it's actually capable of is slapping a few guys and then fleeing.  It supposedly kills a couple of gun-toting rednecks, but the fight happens elsewhere while the audience watches Fred and the doctor fart around in a cave.  We don't see the monster again until it inevitably kidnaps the lighthouse-keeper's cute daughter at the climax.

The severed head is pretty plasticky and looks nothing like the guy it supposedly came from, but an effort was made and I respect that. There are veins sticking out the bottom of it and a really creepy bit where we find it in the monster's lair with crabs crawling over it.

As the movie draws closer to its climax, the men in the town sit down and have a good think about how they're going to defeat it. They know they can't overpower it, and it seems to be reasonably intelligent, so they've decided they're going to have to outwit it. Their big plan for doing so is... throw a net over it.

I expected this to fail spectacularly, but what actually happened was even dumber.  I will not spoil the last thirty seconds of this movie for you, because it's funny as hell, but let's just say that fishmen are like pumas – if you ever meet one in real life, you can just push it the hell over.

As you might have guessed, Lucy is only in this movie so that she can be saved from the monster and can kiss Fred as the words the end appear on the screen.  The only interesting thing about her is a brief moment of stunning misogyny.  She comes running to the doctor to tell him her father has had an accident and needs help – and before going to do so, the doctor makes Lucy take a sedative. Her behaviour was not in any way hysterical or unreasonable.  A little reassurance would have done the job just fine!

This scene suggests that the townspeople don't think very highly of Lucy, and there are other bits that tell us she's probably supposed to be at least ten years younger than twenty-nine-year-old actress Jeanne Carmen.  On the other hand, they seem to think she's capable enough to look after her injured father alone and with only a locked door to protect her from the marauding monster.  Then again, if they didn't, it couldn't carry her off to be menaced.  Yet again, a movie's leading lady is a plot device rather than a character.  This seems particularly true of fishman movies.  Think of the Creature from the Black Lagoon series.

As I mentioned upfront, I have seen a lot of fishman movies.  This is the fifteenth since this blog's inception!  I thought there were a lot of bigfoot movies around, but if you check the tags you'll see that fishmen outnumber him two to one!  This brings up an interesting question – namely, why?

Why fishmen? Sea Monsters have a long and fascinating history that includes not just the classic serpent and kraken but such things as savage merpeople, scaly pig-fish covered with eyes, and according to one sixteenth-century map, very large Yorkshire terriers.  Then along came the 1930s and the popularization of the Loch Ness Monster as plesiosaur, opening up the range to prehistoric sea beasties.  Why not one of those?

I'm guessing the answer is 'because they're expensive'.  Those would require puppets and stop motion and other special effects.  A guy in a costume is much cheaper to build and operate.

Okay, but even if you have to restrict yourself to human-shaped monsters, there are plenty of those, too!  There's the aforementioned merpeople, but also vampires, werewolves, zombies, mummies, and their ilk!  Dracula and Frankenstein are both in the public domain!  And make no mistake, people have made lots of movies about those... but they have also made a whole lot of movies about fishmen!  Why fishmen?

The answer, most likely, is that Creature from the Black Lagoon came out in 1954 and it was huge, being one of those movies that requires an entire separate Wikipedia article for its cultural impact!  The tidal wave of other fishman movies that followed it are like the glut of monster-on-a-spaceship movies that followed Alien, or the fad for teenage slasher movies in the 1980s, or those cheaply animated direct-to-DVD movies that cluster around every Disney and Dreamworks release.  A fishman movie had made money, and now everybody was lining up to milk the scaly, mucus-coated cash cow!

That was a terrible mix of metaphors right there.  Yuck.

There's also something uniquely horrifying about one of the genre's major tropes – the fishman's interest in human women.  This, too, began with Creature from the Black Lagoon but as we've seen it carried over into other films – Bog and Creatures from the Abyss are notable examples (and then there's The Shape of Water). In The Monster from Piedras Blancas this idea is present in that the monster kidnaps Lucy instead of just killing her like it did every other human it met, but it's not emphasized the way the monster's interest in Kay was in Black Lagoon. Fish are proverbially cold and slimy, and the idea of sexual contact with one is almost reminiscent of necrophilia unless you have some very specific interests (see previous parentheses).  The fishman's lack of genitals make it that much more disturbing.

So now that we've sorted that out, my final question about fishman movies is this: could a fishman beat bigfoot in a fight? They're both big, broad-chested creatures that movies like to outfit with claws, teeth, superhuman strength, and bad tempers.  I think it would depend on where the battle happened.  If they're in the water, then the fishman has a clear advantage – bigfoot can drown.  If they're on land, things are a little more even.  The fishman's slime would make him difficult to hang onto, but if his gills dry out he'll have a hard time breathing.  Bigfoot's fur gives the fishman something to yank, but his large feet make him hard to knock down.  It might depend on whether or not the fishman is venomous.

Why hasn't anybody made that movie?  Picture it – dozens of fishmen swimming upstream to spawn, and bigfoot dragging them out of the water to eat like bears with salmon!  I'd absolutely pay for exorbitantly expensive theatre popcorn if it meant I got to see that on screen!

[coffintownkids]

Alrighty! Ch. 32 is done and such brings an end to the 朝露 arc. I’m sure y’all remember the cute scene in The Untamed/CQL when WWX comes across a group of kids playing make-believe about the Sunshot Campaign. This is the chapter where that takes place. However, as previously mentioned, we’ve actually never met pretty much any of the characters involved first-hand. So this is again slowly filling the readers in about how the world perceives all these characters.

I couldn’t decide what part I liked best...So you get the entire scene! Very long post beneath the cut.

*EDITED* @weishenmewwx was nice enough to help me fix a couple of errors. Thank You!!!

The group of children stopped chasing it, then gathered together to start seriously wracking their brains over it, “What do we do since no one shot down the Sun? It fell by itself, so who’s the Leader now?”

One of them raised a hand, “It’s obviously me! I’m Jīn Guāngyáo and I killed the greatest villain from the House of Wēn!”

Wèi Wúxiàn sat on the inn’s front steps and watched on with great pleasure.

In games like this, there was boundless high regard for the Chief Cultivator Liǎnfang-Zūn. Of course, everyone would welcome playing that role the most. Although his background made people too embarrassed to speak of it, it was precisely because of it that him climbing to the highest position made people gasp even more in admiration of his achievements. During the Sunshot Campaign, he had acted as a spy for a number of years and had been a natural at it. He had run around in circles deceiving the entire Wēn Sect of Qíshān both inside and out, having them divulge countless secrets without even realizing it. After the Sunshot Campaign, he was fawned over in every possible way with terrific amounts of cleverness and an extreme variety of methods. Finally, he took the position of Chief Cultivator and became the person fully deserving of ranking first among the multitude of cultivation Houses. Such a life can be called legendary. If was playing, he would also want to try out for the part of Jīn Guāngyáo. Picking this little boy to be the Leader was just common sense!

So JGY is super well-liked by everyone, or so we’re led to believe at this point in the story. It’s mentioned in the novel very early on that he is JGS’s bastard, but it’s definitely pretty much glossed over and this certainly makes it sound like nobody cared about his “embarrassing” history. (We will come to learn this is, in fact, bullshit.) BUT, WWX does seem to think quite well of him.

Fun language bit about the “fawned over in every possible way with terrific amounts of cleverness and an extreme variety of methods.” The sentence uses 百般, 千般, 万般 to show the increase of how much praise got heaped upon him as 百=100, 千=1,000, and 万=10,000.

My other takeaway, which I think the show did a pretty bad job at conveying, was the passage of time and that JGY was actually with the Wēn Sect for years.

Moving on.

Another one of them protested, “I’m Niè Míngjué and I’ve won the most battles and have had the most captives surrender to me. I should be the Leader!”

‘Jīn Guāngyáo’ said, “But I’m the Chief Cultivator.”

‘Niè Míngjué’ raised his fist, “So what if you’re Chief Cultivator. You’re also my sān-dì, so you won’t see me running off with my tail between my legs.”

As expected, ‘Jīn Guāngyáo’ was rather well-suited at getting into character. He hunched his shoulders and ran away.

Sān-dì (三弟) just means third brother. AKA JGY was the youngest within 3zun.

Then another kid said, “You’re the one that died young.”

Since he had chosen to be a certain cultivation head, he naturally had been looking forward to being said cultivation head a little bit. ‘Niè Míngjué’ got mad, “Jīn Zixuān, you died earlier than I did. You had an even shorter life!”

‘Jīn Zixuān’ was unconvinced, “So what if I died younger? I was ranked Number Three!”

“Being ranked Number Three just means your looks were ranked Number Three!”

At that point, one of the little boys seemed tired of both running and standing, so he slowly walked over by the steps and sat down by Wèi Wúxiàn. He waved his hand like he was some sort of mediator and said, “Alright already, there’s no need to fight about it. I’m the Yílíng Lǎozǔ, so I’m the most awesome.”

Wèi Wúxiàn, “……”

He glanced down and, sure enough, the little kid was carrying a little branch at his waist that was probably meant to be Chénqíng.

There was actually a child pure enough to not bother arguing about good and evil. He was only debating the value of combat abilities and had willing taken up the honor of being the Yílíng Lǎozǔ.

Another kid said, “No way. I’m the Sāndú Shèngshǒu and I’m the most awesome.”

The ‘Yílíng Lǎozǔ’ rather understandingly said, “Jiāng Chéng! What can you do that’s better than me? When haven’t you lost to me? How is it a good idea for you to say you’re the most awesome? Aren’t you embarrassed?”

‘Jiāng Chéng’ said, “Hmph! How am I better than you? Do you remember how you died?”

Wèi Wúxiàn’s faint smile got wiped right off his face once his meaning sunk in.

It was like being jabbed with a highly poisonous needle without warning and it sent faint prickling pain throughout his entire body.

Oof. That is a lot.

The ‘Yílíng Lǎozǔ’ next to him clapped, “Look at me! On my left is Chénqíng, on my right is the Tiger Seal. Plus I have the Ghost General. There are none beneath Heaven that are my equal! Hahahaha…” He had a stick in his left hand, a stone in his right, and was laughing hysterically, “Wēn Níng, come out!” A kid in the back of the crowd raised his hand and weakly said, “I’m here…that’s…I want to say…during the Sunshot Campaign, I didn’t die, either...”

Wèi Wúxiàn felt that he couldn’t not interrupt.

He said, “Fellow cultivators, can I ask you a question?”

The children had never had an adult take part when they played this game before, let alone one that didn’t scold them and was completely serious about asking them a question. The ‘Yílíng Lǎozǔ’ was giving him a strange and guarded look as he said, “What do you want to ask?”

Wèi Wúxiàn said, “Why don’t you have any people from the Lán Sect of Gūsū?”

“We do!”

“Where are they?”

The ‘Yílíng Lǎozǔ’ pointed at a kid that hadn’t opened his mouth to say a single word from the start, “That’s him.”

Wèi Wúxiàn looked at him and, sure enough, he was completely fine-featured and looked like a charming child. He had a clean, white string wrapped around his forehead to serve as his head ribbon. He asked, “Who is he?”

The ‘Yílíng Lǎozǔ’ disdainfully curled his lip and said, “Lán Wàngjī!”

…Great. This group of children grasped his essence. If you’re playing the part of Lán Wàngjī you really ought to shut up and not talk!

Then suddenly, the corners of Wèi Wúxiàn’s mouth began to curl again.

That little poisoned needle got pulled out and he didn’t know what cranny it got tossed into, but all the stinging pain had instantly been swept away. Wèi Wúxiàn said to himself, “It’s both wonderful and strange. He’s such a stuffy person. Why does he always make me feel so happy?”

*yelling* Why does he make you so happy, WWX? Any guesses?

I’ve seen this translated as “boring” instead of “stuffy” so I’ll explain a bit. The word used is 闷 (mèn) which can be read as boring, so that’s not wrong. But, it’s a little more nuanced than that. It can also mean something “sealed tight” or “suffocate” or “shut indoors.” Like how a hot room without circulation can be called “stuffy.” But in English, we can use stuffy to mean someone that’s kinda old-fashioned and very stuck on being prim and proper. Which certainly is someone people might consider “boring”! I just didn’t think “boring” alone really captured it though.

Of course, this is when LWJ finally emerges from his Fortress of Solitude (after needing time to get through his Gay Panic.)

When Lán Wàngjī came downstairs, he saw Wèi Wúxiàn sitting on the steps and sharing a steamed bun with a group of children. Wèi Wúxiàn was eating his bun while directing two children that were back-to-back in front of him. “……There are currently countless Wēn cultivators before. They’re all armed and they’ve got you completely surrounded. Keep your eyes sharp. Yes, just like that. OK. Lán Wàngjī, pay attention. This isn’t the current you during peacetime. You’re covered in blood! Your killing intent is so heavy! Your expression is so fierce! Wèi Wúxiàn, get a bit closer to him. Aren’t you going to twirl your flute? Let’s see you twirl it one-handed. Have pizzazz. Do you know what pizzazz is? Come let me teach you.” ‘Wèi Wúxiàn’ made an “oh” sound and handed over the thin stick he was carrying. Wèi Wúxiàn rather skillfully and swiftly twirled ‘Chénqíng’ around between two of his fingers, causing the group of kids to whoop with excitement.

Lán Wàngjī, “……”

He quietly walked over and Wèi Wúxiàn saw him coming, so he brushed off the dust from his backside and called out his goodbyes to the kids. It had been so easy to just stand up and walk along the road with a smile. It was oddly like being drugged.

Lán Wàngjī, “……”

Wèi Wúxiàn, “Hahahahahaha, I’m sorry, Hánguāng-Jūn. I ended up sharing the breakfast I bought for you with them. I’ll buy more for us in a moment.”

Lán Wàngjī, “Okay.”

Wèi Wúxiàn, “How about it? Weren’t those two kids just now cute? Who do you suspect the kid with the string around his head was imitating? Hahahaha…”

He was speechless for a moment, then Lán Wàngjī ultimately couldn’t help saying, “……What exactly did I do last night?”

It definitely couldn’t have been anything simple. Otherwise, why did it make Wèi Wúxiàn keep laughing???

Wèi Wúxiàn kept waving his hand, “No, no, no, no, no. You didn’t do anything. I was just being silly, hahahahahaha…Alright, ahem, Hánguāng-Jūn, I swear I’ll talk business.”

Lán Wàngjī said, “Go ahead.”

Apparently WWX missed his calling and should have gotten into theater!

And poor LWJ is still panicking.

So now they’re off to Shǔdōng and we’ll be starting the Yi City arc next.

[senstless]

Splinterlands Highlights - Featuring AVES STURIGS dominating a low mana match

Featuring Bronze League Summoner and Monsters in Action!

I was pretty excited when I pulled this from rewards the other week. Getting a new legendary card is always fun and figuring out how to use it in the best use cases and I'll be very rewarding. I think I finally found my preferred use for this card although I'm sure there's more. I can think of a few where adding some high mana non-attacking cards from the untamed set could also be very beneficial but for today we're going to highlight low man a match.

Weekly Highlight -AVES STURGIS

Edition: SOULBOUND REWARD Rarity: LEGENDARY Element: LIFE Attack: MAGIC Abilities: WEAPONS TRAINING Abilities" Health: 3 Speed: 2 Attack: 2 Armor: 1 Reasons Why I like it

Weapons training is relatively new, but it is one of my favorite abilities. Having the ability to give one half of the cards base attack to the neighboring otherwise non attacking cards can be one of the most powerful abilities there is. A couple of the use cases I have found is weapons training a Gladius card that has bloodlust that otherwise can't attack, adding an attack to low One Man cards and giving them a two arrow attack, or in this case giving cards that usually don't have an attack or they already have another ability like repair a one magic attack in a low manner match

The Matchup - Where Rules Sets, Splinters and Mana Collide

The Rule Sets

Watch the Match Here

MANA: 12

Ruleset: Standard: No modification to the standard gameplay rules and mechanics.

SPLINTERS: Life, Dragon

Initial Rule Set and Mana Gameplay Thoughts

** Rulesets Luckily it's a standard rule set match so there's no special considerations to factor when picking your line up. This is useful since it's only 12 mana and two splinters to choose from. Adding an additional rule set would make it even harder.

Mana I will be the first to admit that long mana matches are my Achilles heel. I typically have very poor lineups and I don't do a good job of balancing or focusing on attack. I either focus too much on a singular card hoping it can do everything, or at best I end up being unbalanced and run over very quickly. ** Splinters

Having only the two splinters made it pretty easy in my mind. I wanted to go with life and I want to add the extra health given the low mana I figured an extra health might go a long way for some of the cards I'm going to pick.

Summoner MOTHER KALA Like I mentioned before I clearly wanted to plus one health as well as only wanting to spend three mana on a summoner versus for, I feel like spending that extra man I can be the difference in this game.

First Position SOUL FIEND Traditionally I wouldn't put it first but given the rest of my lineup it clearly had to go first and get taken out right away

Second Position PELACOR CONJURER Normally a very solid choice for first position, only costs two mana has a high speed of four with flying and it might generate some misses. But now if I get to add one magic attack to it it becomes much more powerful as it lasts a couple of rounds before getting taken out.

Third Position AVES STRUGIS

Had to put it in second position so I can surround it with other one mana non-attacking cards. I would have liked to hide it a little bit but it does have for health after the boost from the summoner so it will have to do.

Fourth Position CHAOS AGENT I put it at the back in case they chose to play so melee cards. The off I'd hope that the Dodge can come through for me and the additional magic attack should help out quite a bit. It now means I'm delivering four magic damage every round.

Opponent Lineup & Match Play

Summoner QUIX THE DEVIOUS The reduction of speed will be detrimental to my team and make it easier for me to be hit, but luckily the minus one arrows doesn't do anything for me. It does give them access to dragons which is why they probably picked it

DJINN CHWALA My old go to every single time low man of match card. It's just such a well-balanced card dealing three damage on melee, two on Thorn for a melee attacking cards, and has some hefty armor and health to boot

SOUL FIEND Clearly just put it back to take up some attacks or maybe pull through if it moves to the front line

Round 1

Before the match starts I'm actually feeling pretty good for once. I feel like I have picked the perfect counter to traditional powerhouse lineup. While I'm going to lose some cards, dealing for magic each round is going to be their Achilles heel.

Round one is mostly uneventful. I lose sulfiend as expected, but the good news is I took away for health from Djinn Chwala

Round 2

Round two is really looking in my favor. While Pelacour conjurer did take three damage from Chwala, the four magic damage I dealt was far more significant. This is the power of weapons training as I turned one monster dealing to damage into three monsters dealing for healthy drowned.

Round 3

Wow my speed is reduced, I still attack first and I knock out Djinn Chwala, quickly followed by soul fiend. This was a fairly quick victory only lasting three rounds but I guess that is to be expected with a 12-minute match

Thoughts

This is going to be my new low mana lineup. I think it gives a excellent blend of health, attack, and defense against a variety of teams. I'm sure that there are teams that can beat this but it feels like a pretty solid choice in most scenarios.

~~@senstless