#the level of self indulgence in this gifset

[pulquedeguayaba]

You Hurt My Feelings - Dir. Nicole Holofcener (2023)

[sun-snatcher]

( credits to the lovely @chrlie-cox for this adorable gifset ! )

✟ — 1/? | IN RE: “ODI ET AMO.” | i. The Problem with Stalemates.

summ.  You and Matt Murdock have been rivalling for Summa cum laude since the start. It’s your guys’ thing. So when you start to slip— it only makes sense that it’s him who catches you of all people. pairing. college!matt murdock / f!reader w.count.  4k, baby! a/n. set pre-s1 , pre-established ‘frenemy’ relationship , academic rivals-to-lovers , Matty is a soft cocky boy with blindness for rizz , Reader is an aloof girl who has a staring problem , latin title quoted from below . fic tag. #INRE:

“Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris. Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior." — Catullus, "LXXXV"

SALUTATORIAN ; VALEDICTORIAN.

Magna cum laude ; Summa cum laude.

You and Matthew Murdock.

Or, in re:

“Heckle and Jeckle,” Foggy laughs, half-exasperated and half-impressed at the mock-trial unfolding before him.

( It’s nearing almost an hour in. Nothing new when it comes to the likes of both you and Matt. )

Backchat, bickering, and banter is to be expected whenever you and Murdock cross paths. You can barely remember when you even began locking horns with him, really— it’s almost become a staple of your week to get rapt in a practice dispute with him that almost always ends up without a verdict or pushed to the next lesson for a retrial.

Professor Nguyen likes to call you two ‘Stale-mates’ because of that, and much to your chagrin, it’s stuck.

God forbid Matthew Murdock ever becomes a mate of yours. The thought has you scoffing. 

Murdock has always been outdoing you by a hair’s breadth since the start of law school, and you refuse to believe it’s ‘natural talent’ no matter how much everyone else claims it to be. He’s simply better. Which means you need to be better.

He’s also cocky, and charmingly so, you can admit that— the whole confidently-sweet-blind-gentleman shtick has half the class swooning and half the professors vouching for his success; which is exactly why he’s the bane of your existence. He had an, advantage, if you will, with a face like that. 

And brains, ofcourse.

“Objection, Foggy— I mean— Your Honor,” he amends, “Uh, I believe the defendant just called me a stubborn dumbass? I’m pretty sure that constitutes misconduct.”

The lecture hall breaks into laughter. 

You throw your hands up. That— well. Okay. Maybe you do tend to speak on impulse. But he had that effect on you: Disarming, as if acutely aware of your buttons to push and exactly when to push them.

Definitely not because he’s more level-headed than you when it comes to debates.

( Definitely not because of that jawline, either. )

…Whatever.

“Sustained, Mr. Jeckle Murdock,” Foggy waves. “As for you, Ms. Heckle, as much as I personally know how much of a pain in the ass my roommate can be, please maintain professionalism in court.”

Later, behind the lectern, Professor Nguyen dismisses the class short of a few minutes before it’s end. “As entertaining as it was, today’s trial went nowhere. Both parties ended up at an impasse, as usual. A stalemate.”

You wrinkle your nose at that. ( Matt notices from his end of the room. )

“And while it does show that dear Heckle and Jeckle here skilfully know their way around law, it also shows that both of them are terrible at exercising it. Why? Because what we’re trying to do here, at the end of the day, is find a conclusion. To seek resolution.”

Prof. Nguyen looks pointedly at Murdock. A swell of pride washes over you. ( Which, is recognisably a petty and self-indulgent thing to feel, considering he can't even see her look at him, anyway. )

“You should’ve taken the settlement, Matt. It was practically gift-wrapped,” Foggy tells him afterwards, during their usual trip down campus for a quick grab-and-go snack. “Doesn’t always have to be a cage fight, y’know?”

“And give Ms. Heckle the satisfaction of thinking she won on terms? Not a chance,” he snorts, nudging his guiding arm. “She’ll see that as surrender. At least, I would, with a compromise like that. Besides, even if the tables were turned, you know she wouldn’t have taken it either.”

“Aw, you guys know each other so well, don’t you?” Foggy sing-songs. “Practically all up each other’s faces earlier. Swear I thought she was gonna jump your bones for a sec—”

“Oh, c’mon, Foggy,” he groans, “Not this again.”

“I’m serious! God, if you can see the way she looks at you.”

“Fortunately, I can’t.” 

He can. In a way, ofcourse. Not that he’d ever admit that. Yeah, sure, he’s privy in the fact that you’re undoubtedly attracted to him, what with the fluctuating heartrate and tell-tale scent of natural pheromones, but that still doesn’t discount how you genuinely find him grating above it all. 

Matt would’ve almost considered it endearing— if he didn’t find you just as frustrating at times, too. 

It’s the boldness, he reasons. You never seemed to hide. Unapologetically and deliberately agitating.

( …Pretty voice, too. )

“You’re still smiling. That’s creepy. What’re you smiling about, Matt?”

It’s only when they’re too exhausted to read through some lengthy case study about Torts, lazing over their beds in their messed up dorm room, that the conversation gains traction again.

“Next time, remind me to keep your ass out of settlement negotiations.”

“I was giving her a reason to come back with a better deal,” Matt says, face half-smushed against his pillow.

“Mhm, sure. Just admit it—” Foggy pokes his head out the side of his laptop. “—you want her to come back. Every. Single. Time.”

“That is, hah, not true. I just wanna win fair and square.”

“You can’t see, but I’m making the biggest ‘that’s bullshit’ face ever,” he snorts, setting the debris of his bed off to one side. “First of all, law isn’t about winning. It’s not a game, and you of all people know that. Second of all, you can’t deny the sexual tension and chemistry of academic rivals!”

Chemistry that don’t exactly mix well, Matt wants to argue, not with your cross-sword tempest of a personality and his cool as ice quickdraw against every contrement you two share. Half of the school calls the pair of you oil and water when really it’s more a struck match to open gasoline.

Instead, he goes with: “Did Marci tell you that, Foggy-Bear?” 

Matt receives a pillow to the face. He barks out a laugh. “Okay, low blow, sorry, buddy.”

“You’re just jealous I got a girl and you’ve got the hots for the ‘Heckler’.”

“I do not. And in her defense, that nickname came from a good cause.”

( The ‘Heckler’, of which was borne: the time you discovered one of the University’s wunderkind sophomores got away with harassing Nabilah from your Interdisciplinary Legal Studies class under a registrar’s aegis.

You’d harangued both men, tore their reputation asunder with damning evidence, and left a monstrous shiner across the student’s face that printed all over the front page of Columbia Daily Spectator— the school paper— as a cherry on top. 

Matt remembers your voice echoing the flagstones: Another victim’s story swept under the rug of shitty institutionalised silence along with all the untold scandals!

No one crosses you since.

Until Matthew Murdock, of course, and so turned ‘Heckler’ into Heckle and Jeckle. )

“Never thought I’d see you come to her defense, Mr. Jeckle Murdock.”

“Well, I am an aspiring lawyer.”

“And Ms. Heckle—” Foggy points with a finger. “—is your literal enemy! She’s the only person standing against you and a Summa cum laude distinction— right after me, ofcourse— and is also the most stubborn force to be reckoned with.”

Matt shrugs. “She’s… you know. Passionate. I respect that.”

He regrets his words as soon as they leave his mouth. He can feel the smirk cutting across Foggy’s lips before he could interrupt him.

“…Respect, huh? That’s what we're calling it now?”

“Foggy.” Another groan. Matt volleys the pillow back— manages to clock him straight to the head despite an attempted dodge. “I respect her. Doesn’t mean I care about her.”

Matt Murdock realises very quickly he eats his words.

If he had the time to feel humiliated about it, he probably would.

“Heckle!”

On a sunny Monday afternoon, you wince mid-step down the flight towards your seat in the lecture hall, a lovely— you glance at the clockhand— 15 minutes late to class. 

The attempt to sneak in is ten times more awkward with the now-empty coffee cup in your hands.

“Nice of you to finally join us, Heckle,” comes the Professor’s terse voice. Tardiness has always been scorned by Mr. Lowell, and over the past few days— you’ve been arriving later and later. It’s unusual of you.

“…Good afternoon, Professor,” you greet, sheepish. 

You’re suddenly pinned by a hundred gazes. All except your Jeckle.

Murdock’s standing with a cant to his head and a smirk on his face you want to wipe off, looking pointedly forward. He must have been called upon in class to dispute a case before you stepped in. 

“Before you take your seat,” Prof. Lowell begins, “A tenant has claimed ‘illegal eviction’ after their landlord changed the locks to their door when they were away for a week. What’s the landlord’s best defense, in this case?”

You blink. Gather yourself by muscling your tote and laptop to another arm. 

“Abandonment. Since there was an extended period without any notice, or in this case, a week’s absence of no communication— they have reasonable grounds to assume abandonment was the tenant's intention, and justify locking the door as preventing damage or unauthorized occupancy.”

Matt Murdock’s reply is quick as lightning. 

“Abandonment is not a specific ground for eviction according to the law.” ( He doesn’t bother reminding you under which law and in what section; he knows you’re smart enough to know. ) “The landlord is still required to follow eviction procedures and file a holdover case in Housing Court to prove anything, regardless of their concerns about damage or squatters.”

Then, to add insult to injury: “Though self-help eviction can be deemed practical— it cannot be legally justified,” he shrugs. “So the tenant’s rights are still violated.”

The class turns to you. 

Your mouth opens, and shuts. 

Murdock smiles.

( It’s hardly a triumphant one, considering you were set up for failure. Little context, and even less evidence— Mr. Lowell is notorious of knowing exactly how to punish his students without making it blatant. Had the tables been turned, Matt knows himself he’d have argued the exact same thing and lost the exact same way. )

“Thank you,” the Professor nods. “Well argued, Heckle and Jeckle.”

You take your seat.

Then:

…Matt’s smile drops.

“Hey, uh, Foggy, is she—?”

Foggy is telling him something, probably clapping him on the back for actually winning, but he’s tuned everything out in favor of listening to you.

Matt tilts his head to concentrate. “Is she, Is she okay?”

“Hah, after that? Probably n—”

“I’m serious, Fog.”

A blink. 

The tone in his voice sends Foggy looking over his shoulder to look at you. “Not that I can tell?” he scrutinises. “Looks like her typical self. Not exactly wallowing, but maybe she's tired today?”

No, Matt doesn't say. 

You’re… crying. Been crying. 

He can hear your quiet sniffles; feel the hitching of your breath in the air; can taste the salt in it from where they’ve dried down your cheeks. Your bracelet tinkers as you down the remaining droplets of your cold brew.

“Something’s wrong,” Matt says, an hour later, for the third— Or fourth time? He’s not sure. He hasn’t been concentrating on whatever the lecturer has been saying, too busy paying attention to you.

“I can’t shake the feeling.”

“As someone who’s job one day involves taking hyper-educated guesses; I’m pretty sure she’s just stressed as hell. I mean, we’re law students. Even the great Ms. Heckle is bound to lose herself every once in a while, Matt.”

This is different, he wants to insist, even though the logical part of him is reasoning out the same answer. It wouldn’t hurt to check, though, if the nervousness he can practically feel radiating from your end of the room is really just workload-stress. 

He’s devised a flimsy plan by the time the lesson is over. Flimsy, by way of meaning: he thought of it on the spot as everyone rushes out of class when the clock struck 4pm. 

A clumsy bump. Brailled papers sent fluttering to the floor. Matt’s stellar acting as a blind man struggling to gather scattered work.

You curse and mutter an uncandid apology. “Didn’t see you.”

“Makes two of us,” Matt jokes, and once you’d neatly stacked his papers and returned it, goes:

“Heckle.”

He feels your gaze flick up to him.

“Jeckle.” 

A pause. Matt flounders. He hadn’t really expected to get this far. ( Neither did Foggy, apparently, who he can feel peeking around the corner. )

“I…”

“Listen, Murdock, I’m not in the mood,” you sigh in the silence, and he can hear your bracelet charm again as you raise your hand to rake through your hair. “You won. Congrats. Is it not enough for you that I got caught with my pants down in front of everyone already?”

“No, that’s not— That’s not what I was gonna talk about. I just,” he fumbles, fidgeting with his satchel’s strap, “Wanted to know if… everything’s okay.”

You blink.

Matt waits for a scoff. The curt counter. The caustic remark. Then, like a record-scratch jerk on a vinyl:

“I’m fine. Thanks.”

A lie. And an uncharacteristically polite one. The beat pulses late, loud and clear in his ears. 

And, perhaps most curiously:

That rush of bloodflow around your elbows, carefully hidden under your sleeves; the faint scent of coagulate pooling into a fresh haematoma and forming a shaped contusion on your arm. 

A bruise.

You’re late for Advanced Legal Ethics on Tuesday.

Professor Abena is a strict Ghanaian woman who never tends to be lenient, but you tell her you’re late because of a dragged-out interview for an externship. She buys the lie.

Matt doesn’t, for obvious reasons.

The bruise on your arm has begun to fade. He wonders how long it’s been there. 

You disappear too quick for him to ask. 

You’re absent on Wednesday.

It’s hard to focus without you.

“Where’s your stale-mate, Mr. Jeckle?” Professor Nguyen jokes.

Wish I knew.

You miss MBE Prep.

Matt tries not to worry.

He offers to take the theory typescripts out the Professor’s hands to pass along to you— just so he gets the excuse to ask around if anybody knew where you were, or whether you had a roommate.

( No one’s exactly sure— apparently your only friend had dropped out a year ago due to some medical issue, and you’ve been a loner since. )

Foggy learns from Marci, though, that she’s pretty sure you stay in a single-dorm at Lenfest Hall.

Word-of-mouth reaches you by Friday that Matt Murdock had demolished four other students back-to-back on a practice Defamation case. 

He’d apparently told Foggy he misses having competition.

You don’t smile, but… it’s a very close thing.

The Diamond Law Library on campus is gargantuan, so you’d practically jumped out your skin when someone decided to take the seat across your work-scattered table. At 9:45pm on a Saturday night, the library’s mostly a ghost town.

It’s Murdock.

Under the moon and the flaxen-dim lamplights, he’s painted more softly than you’ve ever seen him.

( Perhaps it’s the sweater and the mussed hair. Whatever it is, you’re just glad he can’t ever see you staring. ) 

He greets you in lieu of the usual head tilt:

“Heckle.”

“Jeckle.”

You continue before he can. “What do you want?”

( Blunt. Cursory. Borderline rude— he almost sighs in relief from the familiarity of it. )

“It’s more of: What does Professor Nguyen want,” Murdock says, inviting himself by folding his cane and resting it on the table to take a seat. “Remember the Legal Research assignment? She wants it done in pairs.”

Ah. So this is where it’s going. “There is absolutely no way in Hell that I’d partner with you, Murdock.”

“Ah, well,” he shrugs, nonchalant. “You were absent Wednesday. A little too late to say no. ‘Sides, she already noted I’m gonna be your partner.”

Something in your frontal lobe haywires. Words catch in your throat. Your palms are thrown wide. “What do you mean—?! Why the hell didn’t you partner with your ‘B.F.F’ Nelson?!”

( Someone shushes you in the distance. Matt almost laughs when he senses you flick a middle finger their way. )

“Because I have an advantage,” he states, matter-of-fact, and because it’s far better verbiage than saying ‘you need me’ to one of the world’s most independent and mule-headed people alive. “And I know it’ll hel—.”

“I don’t want your help,” you override, pen placed down with an impatient slap. 

Murdock leans back against his seat. There’s a mien you see washing over him; the same calm, collected and cocky one that he always slips into whenever he’s called up for an answer or dialogue. Prepared for a fight.

“Listen, Heckle. It’s the final year, and we’re drowning in work. Now, I can tell by the fact that you’re here on a Saturday night that you’re behind on something, because I know I would be if I missed nearly a week of classes. What you need the most is time, and fortunately for you, working with me grants you that.”

A confused look. “You’re gonna buy me time?”

“Us,” he rights, cheekily, before explaining simply: “Me being visually impaired has its perks. I’m blind; considered disabled. And students with disabilities have the right to ease of access and accommodations.”

The chair creaks as you sink back into it. He can tell you’ve already connected the dots.

“Like an extra week for submissions,” you huff, resigned. 

Matt drums his finger on the table edge. “A week and a half if I push it. I mean, Ms. Nguyen loves me. Can’t blame her, really.”

Another eye-roll, but with less heat this time. Matt knows the space of contemplative silence is really just for show in favour of protecting your ego. Which— fair enough. He’d have done the same.

“You’re holding a cudgel over my head,” you say, testy.

“I prefer to call it an olive branch. Speaking of which: Mr. Ravi from the prep course handed out a review guide…” He trails off as he feels for his bag, sliding out two spiral bound booklets and setting it on the table. It’s a compendium of notes for the final year bar exam.

A braille label is pasted on the top right corners of both books. His fingers read the raised dots, before he slides it across. “This is your copy.”

Your finger runs curiously at the dents translating your name.

Unbidden, you picture him domestic in his dorm room, meticulously taking the time to emboss a label to differentiate yours from his. The thought alone has you with half the mind to rip it off.

(You end up leaving it as is. Wouldn’t’ve made a difference if you did, anyway. Yeah.

Totally not because you find it endearing— No. Never.)

Coloured sticky notes with chicken-scratch writing are littered across some pages as you flip through. He must have heard you thumb at some of them, because he goes, “Oh, I got Foggy to annotate whatever you might’ve missed. I hear he’s got bad handwriting so, uh, I made him do it on post-its. If you can’t read it, you can ask him.”

( …God, he makes it hard to be pissed off at, sometimes. Maybe you just need more caffeine. )

“Mh. How thoughtful of you.”

It’s the closest thing to a sincere thank you he’s sure he’ll ever get. Matt has to bite back a smile. “You’re welcome, Heckle.”

You set the guide aside with your other study materials, ignore the nickname. “How’d you even find me here?”

He shrugs. “You won’t believe me even if I told you.”

“Try me.”

“Alright. I caught a whiff of coffee and misery a floor away and knew it could only be you,” Murdock jokes, smoothly. (Except it’s not a joke. He could smell your perfume and your cold brew from the stairwell.) 

When you scoff, he makes a you-asked-for-it face. Before you can remark, though, he lets out a soft exhale. It’s honest.

“…Your bracelet.”

Realisation takes a moment. “You heard it?”

“I recognise it,” he emphasises. “Always makes a sound whenever we argue because you like to throw your hands around. Like tiny bells.”

That shouldn’t have felt more intimate than it sounds.

You breathe sharply out your nose. Press your tongue against your cheek. The air is charged with something, but not so much the keyed up kind you two share in a mock-trial. If anything, it almost feels right; as if he’d filled in a space you hadn’t yet realised was empty. 

Margining a comfortable silence. 

“Where’d you go?” Matt decides to finally ask, so imperceptibly that had you not been in the silence of the library, he doesn’t think you would’ve heard him. “Mock trials have been boring,” he adds, before he can even stop himself. 

It’s a sliver of heart. Unforgivable sentiment to extend to his so-called nemesis.

He hears your heartrate spike. The sleeve of your jacket shifting as you fidget at your arm. The bruise is healed, now. Matt can’t tell if the adrenaline he can sense is borne from his question or his admission.

“I visited my friend in the hospital,” you say, turning your attention to your pens and highlighters instead as you put them away. “She was my roommate.”

Steady pulse; honest truth. “A week-long visit?”

“I caught something there and ended up sick.”

The fib is delivered so fluently he’d have been convinced if he hadn’t been listening to your heart. Matt breathes a sigh out his nose. He’ll have to try again another time, he supposes, and fortunately he’s bought plenty with you.

“Feeling better?”

You zip your pencil case sharply. Shut your laptop with an abrupt click. “Well, I was, until you came along. So, no.”

A lie. Beat late, loud and clear. 

Matt Murdock tilts his head at you. Puppy-like, almost— as if he’s studying you.

Then he ducks his head and smiles.

It’s punctuated by the briefest slip of knowing, soft laughter; Has you tarrying over the flash of his canines; the dimple carving into his cheek; the windswept look of him in his stupid navy, cotton-light sweater.

…Boyishly handsome. It stuns you into place. 

“I’ll see you Monday,” he avers, “Don’t be late, Heckle. Remember, we’re stale-mates, now.”

“Shut up,” you snap, bristling.

Somehow, against all odds—

It’s the least insulting tone you’ve taken with him yet.

( Matt considers it a win. )

[almondemise]

hello dear people!

I don't usually talk to people on here but prefer to just expand on my giant moodboard-as-a-blog, but I might need the help of some writers.

As an English student, of course, I am already bearing the weight of dozens of unfinished writing projects. I am in a bit of a pickle right now and it's all thanks to a fictional man (as if it ever wasn't).

Due to catching some kind of infection last week I had a lot of time to actually read, watch and write things for enjoyment rather than losing my mind over assignments or the stupidity of people at my food service job.

So, as one does, I watched the Acolyte because I saw a gifset of Qimir a few weeks ago. That was my first mistake. Because of my ADHD I do often get a bit obsessive with my new interests, but this is on a new level. I haven't written actual prose in some time and rather focused on poetry but that man makes me want to write a story so self-indulgent that I would have to go to confession after completion of it.

And this is were my problem lies. I have not written fanfiction since my late teens, just other prose. Furthermore, while I did watch the Star Wars movies at some point in my life, I'm far from an expert in the worldbuilding and plot aspects of it.

Now I am standing inbetween the starting points of two paths:

1. Write a story with my own worldbuilding and a mmc that is Qimir inspired, which would give me more freedom in all creative manner but would also mean that I would lose some bit of Qimir and also not be able to distribute the story to as many readers on the first try (a personal problem as my ADHD does make me into a total attention whore).

2. Write a fanfic with the worldbuilding of the Star Wars franchise and keep Qimir as he is (my biggest wish), but losing creative control as I need to squeeze my plot into the already existing framework. However, I could distribute the story both on ao3 and on tumblr and reach more readers, which would make the writing process more enjoyable.

I am at a loss of what to do. Fanfic writers of tumblr, please help me!

[galactic-pirates]

2022: Fandom Year in Review

So this year was a ride due to moving. Let's see what I actually did :)

Fanfics written/posted: 4 Fanfics started: More than 4 haha Fandoms written in: 4 Number of fanfic words written: 134,636 Fanart completed: 2 Gifsets posted: 27

Most Popular Fic = Dancing on Broken Glass (with a whopping 44 more kudos than the next closest fic)

Most Popular Gifset = - How it started vs how it's going (Star Trek: Picard, Seven/Raffi) - 340 notes, 34 more than the next highest which was also Trek :)

Most Popular Fanart = Winter Advent 22 (Amanda Tapping, Stargate and Sanctuary mixed media) - 59 notes, so a 54 note difference

Links and rambling on everything under the cut :)

Intentions vs Result - I started the year intending to do 'fandom friday' (aka a gifset every friday) and I missed a couple of weeks around April and then I just quit completely and haven't made a gifset since May. I got tired, I got busy, I moved house and the year disappeared. I did get a fair few sets done though and I feel like I got a lot of my system (even if I still have ideas for sets on my list).

- Mid-April I declared my intention to quit fanfic and I said "my mission if I choose to accept it" was to spend the rest of the year writing every idea on my list. However, due to the aforementioned moving house I fell off the writing wagon completely thanks to the stress. Then once I had moved house that felt like a clean break and so I just decided to stop with the fanfic. I have WIPs on my HD but I had posted all my current fic, so it's not like I left anything exactly, but I am still sad. All those ideas that I love that will now never become reality.

- Art is my old nemesis. As always I wanted to do so much more but with the whole moving thing, I am probably lucky I did anything. I am intending to do a LOT more next year so cross fingers on that.

2022 Fanfic - Dancing on Broken Glass (2,266 words, Star Trek: Picard Seven/Raffi) aka the 'oh no' fic because oops I entered another fandom. I just reached this episode and I hit peak shipper level and just had to go for it. It wouldn't leave me alone. I have feelings about these two. Even though I haven't created much for them due to life, they live rent free in my head.

- Odyssey: Future's Legacy (84,274 words, Sanctuary/Warehouse 13 crossover) I have to be honest this was the fic that made me question what I was doing with my life. 84k - that's a novel. Now don't get me wrong I am a huge supporter of fanfic. It has kept me sane, it has kept me writing, it has given me so much. But I have dreams and sort of realised that I wouldn't get to the life I wanted to live writing fics like this - however much I genuinely enjoyed writing it. Crossovers are basically self-indulgent. I am my own reader and yeah it was fun :)

- We Belong to the Future (4,837 words, The Librarians) Written for prompt month. I intended to do so much more but this was middle of house buying, and I basically shutdown from the stress. This was the only fic/thing I did for prompt month this year. I am sad about that, especially because this fic is unbearably sad. I made myself cry. Clearly I was in a morose mood, I apologise.

- Time Will Tell (43,259 words, Sanctuary James/John/Helen) aka the Soulmate AU. I didn't know this would be my last fic with them, I have so many more ideas. Still I do like this one, I even indulged myself with an epilogue of the changed future. I do like my happy endings :)

2022 Fanart - Dancing in a Galaxy of their own Seven and Raffi, Star Trek: Picard. I guess this could be a companion to the fic I wrote as it's basically the same scene. I will be forever bitter that Seven and Raffi didn't dance at the gala in season two - so I made it happen in fic and in art. This is a digital drawing and it's terrible but it was driven by passion for the ship. I just had to make it exist. - Winter Advent 22 The Amanda Tapping discord server did a "12 days of Advent fan-mas" kind of thing and I signed up for the 21st. This was my entry. Total mixed media project. Done primarily with watercolour and regular coloured pencils but a few markers were thrown in here and there. I'm moving over to traditional art thanks to the whole depressing AI art thing. I've been trying to get better at drawing for years and now a computer comes along and does it 10x better than me and in an instant? Maybe with a pencil I will remain relevant for a little while longer - I hope. Anyway, it's not great but I tried.

2022 Gifsets 300 Notes Club - How it started vs how it's going (Star Trek: Picard, Seven/Raffi) 340 - You owe me a ship Picard (Star Trek: Picard, Seven & Picard) 306 200 Notes Club - I'm here, it's alright (Star Trek: Picard, Seven, Elnor & Raffi) 258 - AU in which HG Wells catches John instead of Helen (Sanctuary/Warehouse 13 crossover) 219

100 Notes Club - Have you ever been in love? (Warehouse 13, Bering and Wells exchange) 158 - Female Power, Helen Magnus (Sanctuary Appreciation Week, Day One) 150 - What is stronger than the human heart? (Sanctuary, Helen Magnus) 146 - Who tells your story? (Sanctuary, The Five) 102

50 Notes Club - The world should have protected you (Sanctuary, Helen Magnus) 71 - There are no happy endings (Sanctuary OT3) 68 - Can we keep our bearing straight? (Sanctuary, The Five) 66 - Abnormals (Sanctuary Appreciation Week, Day One) 62 - Let me die the moment my love dies (Sanctuary OT3) 62 - I'm sensing a pattern (Sanctuary OT3) 62 - The last time (Sanctuary OT3) 56 - Matching jackets (Sanctuary, John/Helen) 55 - Touch, OT3 (Sanctuary Appreciation Week, Day Two) 50

And the rest - That's my OT3 (Sanctuary OT3) 45 - The real favourite is all five (Sanctuary, Nikola Tesla) 43 - Universe fights (Sanctuary OT3) 42 - The family Magnus (Sanctuary Appreciation Week, Day Four) 41 - Have you ever been in love? (Sanctuary OT3) 39 - Good looks, Nikola Tesla (Sanctuary Appreciation Week, Day Three) 38 - Galaxies Collide (Sanctuary OT3) 31 - Monster, John Druitt (Sanctuary Appreciation Week, Day One) 27 - The ones you love the most (Sanctuary, John/Helen) 19 - Everyday Superhero (Sanctuary Appreciation Week, Day Seven) 18

[dragonseeds]

your post about emma reminded me of when hotd first started airing and i saw a lot of people talk about how they would be more on board with daemyra if the age gap was smaller, even just visually (i.e. having a younger actor playing daemon in the first half) but that still would not change that he's her uncle and how it's a inherently troubled relationship based on that and all the other power, age and gender dynamics at play. so this whole disscusion is very interesting to me.

oh yes! i was actually thinking about the way people reacted to them and a few other notable asoiaf relationships when i made that post. very extremely fascinated by the line between like someone sincerely believing from the start that liking daemon and rhaenyra is sick due to the age gap as much as the dynastic incest/daemon’s behavior and then turning around and reblogging an emma (2020) gifset, when they have the same age difference and mr. knightley is similarly positioned within and on the periphery of emma’s family. he’s no gothic uncle, but he is an older brother figure through their siblings’ marriage/proximity and that’s a role daemon shifts into with rhaenyra from time to time, due to his position as heir to viserys (paternal role of king, death of their father) and a fruitless need for his love, respect, and attention that mirrors rhaenyra’s—something they recognize in each other. (crucial to emma and mr. knightley’s success as a couple is that he understands her relationship with her father, that he loves him and indulges him as well.)

i’d never heard anyone say they would have been into daemyra if he didn’t look so much older aksjdks that’s a level of self-awareness i respect. it’s also exactly what they did with emma and mr. knightley in clueless, making josh cher’s (ex) step-brother and closing the gap by about a decade, to account for cher still being a teenager in high school. and it worked! whereas like… there’s no avoiding awareness of the age gap with MA and MS, or their insane chemistry, and if it’s not avoidable or easily rationalized then what? like i agree i’m so curious why would it be better or easier to ship if he just looked younger despite not actually canonically being any younger? i personally really love them because they are sickos

i wish more people were enjoyers of just. not knowing precisely how you feel about a relationship or a character—or, maybe more accurately, feeling many many layers of things about it at once, often contradictory, and being okay with that and willing to engage with it? but it’s interesting to see like. what relationships people are vocally uncomfortable with and which negative aspects are focused on in comparisons to other similar relationships.

[userpoe]

#the prettiest vigilantes 

[zahra-hydris]

mathilda fairclough + level 80 jobs: red mage

[number5theboy]

it might be hard to pick, but what's your favourite greek myth parallel/reference/allusion in regards to five? (i hope i phrased that right lmao)

for me it's still odysseus because you know. metis and long journeys and inability to adjust to peace after a lifetime of war and being held captive by a woman and having "no name" to hold him back and being extremely arrogant and hypocritical yadda yadda yadda. (i like the sisyphus references too, but i dont really consider five to be an ~absurd hero~, especially after s3. he clings to meaning in the apocalypse but in the face of his existence turning out to be absurd he does give up, kind of).

Hey Anon, first of all, congrats on sending in probably my favourite ask I've ever received. I was genuinely so excited to answer this that I kept it for when I would be in the mood and able to savour it, and before I knew it, a month has passed, so sorry about that, I hope you'll see this. But now I've just come off making a mythology-centred Five-gifset and my mind is buzzing, so there will never be a better time.

I once did an entire, very self-indulgent gifset about figures in Greek mythology that Five reminds me off, because to me, he thematically fits into that kind of storytelling. Very powerful, very skilled, fatally flawed, fucks around and finds out, all that jazz. The fact the writers have made a dozen mannequin jokes and yet haven't tossed in a Pygmalion reference yet is baffling to me. But I think Sisyphus and Odysseus are the only direct comparisons made in the text, and I do love them both. Me elaborating on why both of them are really neat connections under the cut.

I agree with you, I like the Odysseus one better, mostly because it's a really satisfying comparison. Yes to everything you said, the combination of wisdom and cunning, the long journey motivated by finding his way back to his family, his inability to find peace once he'd gotten them back because his time away - both the erring and the fighting - changed him, the women that keeps him, the absence of a name, the arrogance, the hypocrisy. I'd like to add the reluctance to fight paired with a high level of fighting skill, the tendency to try and talk things out first, the ability to read people well, the way people around him tend to die, the fact that his fatal flaw is pride/hubris, a character paying for his transgressions.

It's a very interesting character to compare Five to, because Odysseus is definitely one of the most nuanced and most versatile characters from Greek mythology, and I like how much the two have in common. But what I find even better is that there are a few key differences that make Five more than just a superhero take on Odysseus. There's the obvious fact that Five got reverted back into a child, and that he started his journey a lot younger, so what he longs to find his way back to is a different version of family from Odysseus. Odysseus also has a certain amount of obedience to authority, he knows how things ought to go and primarily tries to operate within boundaries set, while Five is pretty much ungovernable, he is constant to question and defy authority. Five also has time-travelling powers and technically the ability to undo everything that has gone wrong, but he just doesn't manage, he keeps overestimating himself and making things worse, which adds to his pathos. They are quite similar, but there is just enough of a spin to Five where the comparison is very much warranted but not tired. It tickles that particular part of me that loved Odysseus at age 10 when I first learnt about Greek mythology.

As for Sisyphus...I'm kind of splitting this in two, one part about the Sisyphus from the original myths and one about him as an absurd hero because Camus be Camus-ing.

Sisyphus is so known for his eternal punishment, because it is truly a wonderful image for a neverending, meaningless task, that it tends to be forgotten what he did to deserve this fate. Sisyphus was sentenced because he cheated death, not once, but twice, by finding new ways to escape it. So when Five says, "I've cheated time so much, I guess I thought I'd somehow cheat death", that hits, first of all because the writers literally forgot that Five had already cheated death by rewinding time and saving his siblings and himself from their certain demise, and secondly because that realisation of one's own mortality is part of the Sisyphus myth, in my opinion. Fun fact, in some, non-Homeric versions, Sisyphus is said to be the father of Odysseus, so being a cunning dickhead who pisses off gods is apparently a heritable trait. This tidbit about cheating death, paired with the endlessly repeating punishment, which the show alludes to via world's biggest ball of twine (Five replying "seems pretty big to me" when Klaus says that he thought it would be a lot bigger is a moment that I hold very dear) is just a good bit to compare with Five. He technically cheated death by turned time forward and bypassing the death of the entire human race, he cheated death again by turning time backwards, and he keeps living despite everything. At the same time, he chases his obligations, trying to keep the world alive, and surviving, in a seemingly endless repeating cycle. I really like the allusion to Sisyphus too, because it too is very warranted but it's not just a direct adaptation with superhero veneer.

As for Sisyphus as an absurd hero...it's been a while since I've read Camus, but the fact that Five, right after comparing his obligations to his family to a ball he keeps watching roll down a hill, asks, "and what's the point?" does suggest that the writers did mean the more meaningless side of the Sisyphus myth, likely tinged by Camus and his eternal obsession with the absurd. As far as I remember, his take on the myth is that realising and acknowledging the meaninglessness trumps the absurd and allows to reach a state of accepting serenity. I think whether Five, specifically in s3, falls into the role of an absurd hero really depends on interpretation. He doesn't in s1 and s2, because his meaningless, ever-continuing task (working to save the world from an impending apocalypse) is pursued with no acknowledgement of the underlying absurdity of trying to save the entire world that keeps changing and slipping away. In s3, there's a shift. Five gives up. Kind of. Sort of. Not really. I don't know. To be an absurd hero, he would have to acknowledge the situation and still continue his task, content with what he is doing because he is aware of its meaninglessness. A key quote from Camus that I am absolutely nicking from Wikipedia because I am not re-reading that and do in-depth literary anaylsis for a throw-away line from a silly Netflix show, is that "there is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn". Five talks about fate in s3. He says that fate doesn't care for whether he is ready to face whatever it has in store for him, and then again, he tells Reginald that it's time they accept their fate and let the world end. And Five gives up. He stops pursuing the task...for a time. Because he was ready to let the world go and see what, if anything, is on the other side. Until the finale, where he is back in survival mode. He's the one to find the sigil, his decision is what ends the last guardian and culminates in Reginald (and Allison) resetting the world. So, does the act of giving up keep him from being an absurd hero? Or was that uptick, working towards saving it despite everything he knew, despite knowing it can't work out well, the action of an absurd hero? I don't know. Not quite, I think, because I don't think Five has ever reached that moment of contentment at the realisation of the meaninglessness of everything he's chased for his entire life. But it is fun to think about. I'm a bigger fan of using the original myth rather than Camus' interpretation of it, because that one was very much written with the meaninglessness of labour under capitalism in mind, which is not quite something that the Umbrella Academy is dealing with, Five even less, and I like the detail about cheating death being the thing that condemns Sisyphus to his endless, meaningless, repetitive task, and Camus doesn't delve into how Sisyphus came to be stuck on that hill.

[domesticated-feral]

Very Late End Of Year Review

tagged by @scilessweetheart thank you so very much!!!

fandoms you wrote for?

Teen Wolf, but i do have a few unpublished fics written in other fandoms.

how many works did you make (fics, edits, moodboards, etc)?

Oh god… give me a sec… 58 fics published (61 originally but I unpublished some fics of a series i wanna redo), 18 fanart, once again published, 60 fanworks as in edits, moodboards, picsets, gifset (only one of that), shitposty content, etc etc. bro i just keep making things.

what are you most proud of?

Hmmmmm.. Probably the scackson 6k smut thing in my docs, because the sheer amount of work i put in finishing the first draft of it in 2021 for 3 months straight (oct-dec) says something about me.

any stats you want to share?

Well, stats are that im a pure content farm because 139 complete fanworks of all kind in a year sounds fine but when i say that its a year where i had 4 months of continuous exams, grade school graduation and getting into uni in a course that is a’level (advanced level) science when i didnt even learn o’level (ordinary level) science in school, it sounds wild.

what inspired you?

Sheer willpower and raging flame of love for my ships. And mutuals and friends I found along the way. Oh and because when i want [insert very specific plot arc story fic thing] i have to make [said specific plot arc story fic thing] so i roll up my sleeves and do just that.

what did you not think you’d create? why?

I dont know to be honest because i dont set expectations for myself or expectations that expect me to not make a specific thing. I did not expect spending the last few months of 2021 writing a scackson self indulgent 6k smut thing. Nor did i actually think it’d snowball into something big, i just wanted to get out of a writing block by writing some smut.

what are you most looking forward to for next year?

In fandom sense: writing more fics, making more art (once my comp is fixed because im having a withdrawal from not being able to draw digitally, the symptoms are drawing cowboys nonstop on a cheap sketchbook), ooo and i hope to write another long fic! Preferably more than 15k. But something big, yknow, more than 10k words

In non-fandom sense: im looking forward to starting my bachelors degree in the later half of this year!

tagging: anyone who wants to do it because i dont know which of my mutuals has already done this one!

[randomcanbian]

(re: Fandom Meme) B, D, N, P, R, Y ??? (also if you feel like answering T again about anything else pls do (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) (also let the record know that your first answer was *chef kiss* wonderful and should've been canon imo (╯▽╰ ))

B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind

Felix x fem!Byleth from FE3H... I thought it’d be the same as f!Dimileth (the fandom version of it at least) where the man is like ~~ohhhh I’m a monster I’m so broken ahhh I push people away and go on berserker rages because of my tragic backstory~~ and the woman has to be gentle and kind, the epitome of femininity (despite being a mercenary who had been trained to kill since she was 11...), basically put himself above her on so many levels and the onus is on her to ~~fix him~~~...but apparently not??? The fancontent is so gorgeous and has them as equals, both lonely people who’ve had their childhood taken away from them, both who’ve closed themselves off from the world (or in Byleth’s case, has never known how to open herself up to it), both of them seeing themselves in each other, both taking it upon themselves to meet each other half-way and from thereon help each other process their past and walk forward into the future...damn man, the kinship and the partnership in this ship... (also it really helps that 1. Felix is awed at Byleth’s swordsmanship and tactical mind and pushes himself to surpass it, forming a foundation for a healthy rivalry 2. the fandom does not forget that Byleth is her own person and not just Felix’s partner *cough* Dimileth *cough* Edeleth *cough*)

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t

Hmmmm well sometimes I wished (in general) that I could actively ship mlm couples, just because there’s so much content for them :)) (don’t get me started on how fandom gravitates towards male characters and mlm ships...lmao someone way back then gave me the excuse that it’s because the actual creators put more effort into their male characters and that they end up becoming more complex and interesting and like *looks at my fandoms where there are just as many girls as guys, just as interesting (if not more so) backstories and dynamics and interactions for the female characters, looks at the sheer number of mlm shippers in those fandoms who squeeze the most out of every insignificant moment for their male characters while ignoring the depth and complexity of the female characters* sure)

N - Name three things you wish you saw more of in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

Glee

1. Fanfic with more “out-there” ideas :)) (Don’t get me wrong, there are fanfics that fall far from Glee’s high school/young adult/modern-coming-of-age setting, and even for fics that do fall under those spheres there are some that deal with complex, intricate themes in such an incredible manner or even if not that are just plain enjoyable but like,,, there aren’t enough for my ever-expanding hunger HAHA)(my last couple of fandoms were dark fantasy/sci-fi/whatever The Good Place is so I guess I just got spoiled lmao)

2. More analytical thinking LMAO I guess it just frustrates me that there are so many people in the fandom who take things at face value??? Given how biased the writers are and how shit they are at continuity it really doesn’t make sense to me that so many people take things so literally haha

3. More fanart unu I totally understand though that the fandom isn’t as big as it once was but a girl can dream, you know?

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)

Something that I had wanted to write for Brittana (since 2012!) but never had the brain cells to: a sailor!AU where the characters live on a flat world and they’re trying to sail towards its edge (encountering so many mythical beasts and legends on the way) (may or may not be inspired by C.S. Lewis’ The Voyage of the Dawn Treader haha)

Special mention to this AU since I've used for at least three fandoms by now haha: Pygmalion&Galatea!AU wherein one character creates a statue and her love for it brings it to life :)))

R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships

LMAO I went through Bae Doona’s body of work (what was available of it at least) in 2015 and ended up shipping her character Park Hyun-nam with her best friend (Yoon Jang-mi) in 플란다스의 개 (Barking Dogs Never Bite)...I wrote a very small ficlet of them (I literally had to create the section for them in ao3...and lmao I just checked and I am still the only fic in there HAHA)(please don’t look for my account btw all my fics are so self-indulgent and atrocious huhu) and I also made this gifset of them :))) As far as I know I am literally the only one in the entire world who ships them HAHA

Similar story for her character Ri Bun-hui in 코리아 (As One)...although honestly if it turns out that a decent number of people have seen this movie I’d be surprised that no one else shipped Bun-hui with Hyun Jung-hwa??? Because they??? Tennis table rivals from North Korea and South Korea who have to team up to win at the Olympics??? Jung-hwa trying to get Bun-hui and her team to loosen up??? Them becoming closer??? When the Olympics are over and the North Korea team have to go home, and Jung-hwa chases after the bus and tries to reach for Bun-hui’s hand, realizing that they might never see each other again??? I??? (Just...I had to make this gifset of their hands: when they first meet each other, when one takes the other’s for comfort, the last time their fingers will ever touch...)(Also let’s ignore that it’s a re-telling of real life event akjsndaskj haha)

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all

(Thank you roseate ;u; I’m glad that you agree and are interested with my headcanons ;o;)

Santana’s a trivia nerd and is the type to deep-dive down Wikipedia pages which is why she makes all those obscure references :))) (Also a more specific version of this headcanon, not something that I’d die defending but like,,, something that I won’t let anyone take away from me lmao is that she’s a TV/movie buff, dabbles in comics (specifically, DC and follows character like Wonder Woman, the Birds of Prey, Poison Ivy/Harleyquinn, Batwoman, and Renee Montoya), and started getting a little into theater/musicals after spending time with Kurt and Rachel :))) She also has a record player back in Lima and has a bunch of vinyl records back home (back in high school she’d play a couple of slow songs and just slow dance with Britt in the privacy of their bedrooms uwu)(imagine this scene and this song playing in the background ;u;)

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)

BTS, because so many of my friends are KPOP fans

Genshin, also because so many of my friends are into it

魔道祖师 (The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation) because my close friend fangirls over them so much and we just exchange anecdotes with me and Glee/Fire Emblem and her and TGDC

Critical Role and My Brother, My Brother and Me podcast because my gf is a huge fan of them :))

Not quite there yet, but I am looking forward to having Dostoevsky’s extended universe as a secondhand fandom HAHA

[inheritorofmemories-archive]

Creator’s wrap 2020

Only an hour left to this year, just enough for one a last post to beautifully end 2020. Thank you @cryhardanddanceharder and @mortt-artsy for tagging me! It was really cool to reflect on what I’ve made this year!

It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works (fics, art, edits, etc.) you’ve created this year and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2020. If you don’t have five published works, that’s fine! Include ideas/drafts/whatever you like that you’ve worked on/thought about, and talk a little about them instead! Remember, this is all about self-love and positive enthusiasm, so fuck the rules if you need to. Have fun, and tag as many fellow creators as you like so they can share the love! <3

1 - If music be the food of love, play on, or as I like to call it my Oud Fic. I’m just really proud of that one, it’s the first time ever that I follow through with a multi chapter fic idea and I’m really happy with how I managed to blend history, canon, and my interpretation of the characters as well as a healthy dose of self indulgent music talk. Having the opportunity as a guitarist to rant about the instrument I love so much for thousands of words was truly one of the biggest highlight of this year. It also helped me work through some of 2020 bs, looking at you chapter 7 that is nothing like I planned thank to an imprompu quarantine.

2 - Lost and found again out there among the paths. My gift for the Andromaquynh Secret Santa, The entire time I was writing the fic I felt really unsure of where I was going with it, I never write hurt/comfort so this really was a challenge for me and I’m happy with what I did. It’s not until a couple day before posting that it clicked for me. I feel really proud of the way I wrote them, I usually have a hard time writing character study but here I think I did it right. But my favorite part is the last one where they dance together, I could just see it happening as I was writing and it was very gratifying to have this easiness back after struggling for the hurt/comfort, felt like I did something right.

3 - The careful craft that is love, the beauty of choosing it over and over. it is rare for me to love all of the main ship in a fandom but I do for TOG and there’s something about Book of Nile that really does it for me. Entirely based on a cool gifset I saw, I just decided to go full fluff and tenderness with this one, just wanted to write something comforting for the hard day and I think I succeded for that. Almost put the first Book of Nile fic I wrote but this one wins thanks to the very snobby title I chose. As I’ve known for a while now, I’m a big believer of building love not stumbling upon it by luck. It happens because you want it to and I think that’s the main message you get from this fic, which I’m proud of too.

4 - A burden shared is a burden halved. I wrote this one in a day half asleep and out of it after a particularly hard migraine and I was overwhelmed with how much support and kindness I got from other migraine sufferer in the comments. I felt really good to know that my work connected with them on a deeper level, that some detail I wrote like the painful smells and the sense of guilt that being taken care of induces was felt by them, and that they felt true and real. Nothing like being seen and understood by other to make you happy.

5- Special mention to my first ever gifset that I’m pretty proud of. A really angsty Andromaquynh gifset after I spent an evening info dumping about a childhood fantasy series on tumblr and going through all the quotes I could apply to TOG. I think it’s pretty neat for a first try and it’s definitly making me want to experiment more with gifs, after years of hesitating I’m finally starting so yay! The TOG fandom has been a great place for me on many points this year, least of them boosting my motivation and creativity and the feedback I got. I’m not used to many comments and so many kudos on my fics.

Also, here’s to all the wips and ideas in my head that I’m not even sure I could post one day but that are there for sure. My five-part Natasha character study I see you in my drafts, as I do this very self indulgent Quynh lives au series I’m working on, one day you’ll see the light of the day and I’ll post you.

I’m tagging for this (but a no pressure tag): @themoonwheniamlost, @rupzydaisy, @polarcell and anyone else that see this and wants to do it. It feels really good to look back and see all you’ve done, a great ego boost I recomend it even if you don’t post it, you deserve to feel prouf of your work and what you’ve created

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 512

Looking for a way to spend Mother’s Day? Well, we here at Outlander have the perfect idea! Celebrate with the women you love by watching us gang rape grannie!

This episode is like the perfect storm of everything that is wrong with Outlander. The cast and crew saying it’s their strongest episode yet when it’s basically artsy gang rape. The CYA trigger warnings when the story would have worked perfectly well without including yet another rape. The kool aid-drinking fans yelling at and acting holier than thou at the fans who rightfully call out the massive problem this show has with rape and assault. The fans yelling at other fans because It’S iN tHe BoOk so it has to be included. The fans yelling at other fans for wanting to follow the books but not wanting rape every 0.5 seconds. The fans yelling at other fans to fuck off if they don’t like the show. The women in the cast throwing out trigger warnings while the men are radio silent or wanting the gladiators to face the plague and fight for their own amusement. It literally has everything.

And I am tired.

I’ve been in this fandom for six years and have had quite a journey. From first discovering the show and immediately devouring the books. The honeymoon period where I could headcanon out all the problematic bits. The getting deep into the fandom nonsense. The getting out of the fandom nonsense. The judging the fandom nonsense because it’s funny and they’re all idiots. The getting sick of the fandom nonsense because it’s not even fun to judge the dummies anymore. The becoming more and more aware that it’s impossible to whistle past the problems in the books and the show. The sticking around, holding out hope things might turn around and the initial magic could be recaptured. And finally, the giving up.

The books are trash. The show is trash. There are a handful of good scenes in each which can be enjoyed on their own, but as a whole, holy shit this stuff is not good. (Seriously, I tried to do a Fiery Cross reread before the season started. I started like a year ago and am still only at Jocasta’s wedding because I just don’t care enough to actually get through it.)

Which brings us here. I am tired. I have already ranted and raged and yelled and swore and wrote far too many words about the gratuitous overuse of rape in the Outlanderverse. It fucking has its own tag for fuck’s sake.

So here’s a recap. And then I think I’m done looking at this show in detail. Not because the idiot fans insist on coming to my notes to tell me to fuck off if I don’t like the show. Not because the crew are condescending douchecanoes. Not because the author is a misogynist garbage heap. But because spending an hour of my time for a few weeks out of the year to write these things isn’t worth it. I did it for as long as I did because it took so little time. So why not? But yeah, it’s not even worth that tiny commitment anymore.

And to the people who I know will @ me about how no one was forcing me to stick around and I could have quit any time, yeah, no shit captain obvious, I know that. Fuck off already. I stuck around because I really liked the little corner of the fandom that I’d found. I made some awesome friends. Most of those friends have since quit the fandom. I’m really glad to have them in my life outside of this little corner of the internet. And it was a fun writing exercise. I don’t really like the show anymore, but I enjoyed building an argument about why I don’t like it and think it’s bad that has valid points behind it. Especially considering how blindly overly adoring a bunch of the fandom is about it. But now I think I’d rather consume Outlander content as pretty people in pretty period costumes in gifsets. Or like, on in the background but not really paying close attention. Why not quit altogether? Because to quote the great Ron Swanson (I’m halfway through a Parks rewatch and I just love that show a lot ok.), I can do what I want. And besides, there’s like a fucking library’s worth of fics that I haven’t read and have been meaning to. And I like the characters enough to want to keep reading about them in stories that are better than the canon. (Bless you fic writers, blesssss.)

So. Was this whole ramble self-indulgent and overly serious for a fucking TV show? Absofuckinglutely. But please see the aforementioned Swansonism.

Alright, fuckos. Let’s do this.

This is a Roberts brainchild, isn’t it. *checks credits* Yup. Knew it. This feels very much like a Roberts special. In that he is probs quite pleased with himself but like, it’s crap.

Yes, we ARE doing ANOTHER rape story! But look! It’s a disassociation montage! It’s the ‘60s, get it?! There are callbacks! An orange from the king in season 2! A vase from season 1! A rabbit from season 3! An amber-looking dragonfly! Jamie with the young hair spouting off book lines! ApPrEcIaTe MuH aRt! We are so good at finding new and creative ways to rape our characters! Fuck off, twatwaffle. You are the worst.

Like, does Roger feel left out at this point? He’s only been hanged. Literally everyone else has either been raped, been sexually assaulted, or been threatened with rape and/or sexual assault.

“But it’s not gratuitous! Look! They’re all so different! Jamie’s was overly graphic and he got a half a season to brood about! We manged to not show much of Fergus’ (but still showed a thrust) because he’s a child and it was just a plot device for Jamie and not actually about him! Mary’s was about Fred! Claire’s with the king was about Jamie! Jamie’s with Geneva was shot like p0rn! Marsali being threatened by the sailors was to motivate Fergus! Bree’s was about the other people in the room and Roger! Claire’s really has no purpose because she’s already been kidnapped and beaten, and that is super traumatic, and we’re gonna wrap it up with a bow by the end of the episode!”

This fucking show, guys. This fucking show.

Bonus points* for the Black character spouting off the superstitious stuff.

*By bonus points I mean this show, and the books are absolute shit on matters of race. The books especially.

The cast and crew have 100% heard everyone’s thoughts on the overuse of rape in the Outlanderverse. And their response has been to include more and more of it. We had a whole season of one character’s arc being about her rape and literally as soon as that was resolved, they gang rape another character. It really does tell you as much as you need to know about them. Lazy. Fucking. Cowards.

Kidnapping not enough trauma? Let’s add some gang rape! Gang rape not enough trauma? Let’s add visualizing that your daughter and grandchild are dead! Just like Fred died! This show really brings trauma p0rn to a whole new level.

Called the Bree and Roger shit.

This scene with the men rallying to go save Claire is like another layer of fuck you. Bree, you stay home, men, give your hero lines and let’s have a getting ready montage. Because your hero moment is what this is really all about. And your manpain about killing someone. *screams into a pillow*

The petty side of me is happy that it was Fergus and Young Ian who are with Claire when they find her and not Roger. Her two sons...

Why yes, I am judging all of the fans who like get their panties all wet over Jamie being like “It is I who kills for her.” Like “yeah go ahead and rape and beat Claire within an inch of her life if it means the big strong man gets to come in and save her and say something intense.” Fuck off and go take a hard look at yourself and what that says about you.

“Was there an Indian there?” “Nope, he wouldn’t help you because LiOnEl but somehow was able to peace out when it was in his interest. Because he is as bad as the ones who actually raped you.”

The Bree and Claire hug makes me both sad and angry. I want to hug them both and take them out of this fucking place and tell them that they’ve been done dirty and deserved fucking better from the writers.

Glad Marsali gets in on the hug. Claire’s two remaining daughters.

Claire’s “I have fucking survived” speech is like the one time she she actually talks about herself not in relation to a man. It’s about her. Claire. HOWEVER! It is epically fucked up that a woman needs to check off all the trauma she’s endured to show she’s a strong character.

So. Fucked. Up.

The fact that we’re spending time on Roger’s manpain about killing someone also really tells us a lot about the show’s feelings toward women. Yeah, killing someone is a big deal. It’s normal and expected to have feelings about it. But the juxtaposition of Claire’s speech about all of her traumas with Roger being like yeah, I killed a guy who had kidnapped, beaten and raped your mom is like, read the room, bro/writers.

The fact that the men put Claire’s rapist in her surgery, her space, her place of healing, where she is able to be most herself, makes me want to punch each and every one of them in the throat. Like seriously. Fuck each and every one of them.

Also Lionel is like cartoonishly terrible. Not that nuance has ever been this show’s strong suit. But like come the fuck on.

Marsali killing Lionel is the one thing about this episode that I didn’t hate. The men are all like “We kill for Claire! Let’s all rally in this montage and go do the manly thing of defending the woman!” Marsali is just like, yeah, that’s my Ma you fucked with. She shows some agency. She doesn’t do it in a performative way for the other men or for Claire like the guys do. She just knows this fuck needs to die, knows it’s gonna be hard for her and might damn her soul (don’t worry Marsali, all that religion crap is bullshit), and does it anyway.

Marsali’s arc has been my favorite of this whole fucking series. The one bright spot I was hanging on to all of this season especially.

Her quick scene with Jamie doesn’t bother me like Roger’s does. Because Roger is like oh no, I killed a guy! Can you forgive me? For killing a rapist? Like fuck off, bro. And Marsali is like yeah, I killed a guy. I hope I’m not damned for it, but the guy needed to die so I did it.

Also like, Richard had potential to not be cartoonishly bad. But like nope. “He reaped what he sowed, but cLeArLy I’m gonna need to escalate this further. Because manly men can’t let shit go.”

Fuck all men, tbh.

*googles how to emigrate to Themyscira*

Jamie’s speech that’s like supposed to parallel Claire’s can fuck all the way off. Giving him the last voice over just underscores how this was all about men. Not Claire. But the men. Fuuuuck everything.

Look! Everything’s fine again! Back to normal! Peaceful for a bit! With a cheesy af on the nose storm coming! So you know something bad’s coming! In case you forgot!

And Jamie got a book line. So it’s all good now.

And don’t worry about Claire, y’all. She feels safe now. Her and Jamie fucked it out.

It’s amazing, in retrospect, that I ever let this story suck me in so much.

Happy Mother’s Day! See you on the other side of the hiatus.

[lostlonelylotus]

Another Hiatus?

straight up thinking of taking another hiatus from Tumblr...I hate to, but I’m thinking maybe this place just isn’t good for me, even after such a long time away in the first place. More under the cut, if anyone wants to read it.

So, I struggle with a lot on a daily basis. Things that I don’t even tell what few people are around me in real life, because frankly, I don’t really have anyone to tell that I think would want to help. I’ve had to end a great deal of my friendships because they were unhealthy/toxic and others ended because I’m disabled and cannot keep up with more “social” or outgoing people (which unfortunately is usually interpreted as disinterest because of constant rescheduling or inability to go out).

No one even knows that I’ve started a particularly hard round of chemotherapy that involves painful injections, because I worry that people just get sick of hearing how I’m actually doing versus the image of me they think should be real. I lie and say that I’m fine, when I’m struggling mentally and physically. Very few people know that I’m in such severe constant pain that even with strong opiates, medical cannabis, benzodiazepines and constantly watching my diet, I’m spending 12+ hours a day in bed. I never get below a 6/10 anymore. I can’t remember what anything below that feels like. My body tortures me every waking minute.

I’m back to where I started when I began treatment in 2012 and my mental health has taken a nose dive because it all just feels so futile, you know? Treatment after treatment, surgery after surgery, fighting tooth and nail to have the bare bones of a life only to fail and wind up at square one is...Hell. 

Add onto that, that I can’t get a FT job (so no PTO or good health insurance) despite having multiple degrees and that I had a position lined up before COVID that might now no longer even exist when this is all over + that the Part Time job I have that I love has completely changed now that I’m work from home and I HATE these new tasks and miss my coworkers + that I live with an actively abusive family member + that I have no friends beyond surface-level acquaintances despite so much effort to try and make and keep friends + that I’ve struggled my whole life with internalization of everything...and you’ve got a walking disaster of a human being who should probably nowhere near this site.

My therapist is through the school I graduated from, so I can’t even see them, and it wouldn’t matter because our relationship has progressed too far and they just treat my visits like a social hour and we never even talk about my real problems. It’s pretty damn pathetic when your needs don’t even matter to your therapist.

In real life, I’m a doormat to people’s needs. You need a house sitter? That’s me and they’ll pay me pennies to do it. You need someone to teach your children during COVID because we’re co-distancing? You need someone to drop everything and help you? That’s me. But when I need something, anything? A cup of tea or a genuinely asked “How are you?”? Forget it.

I miss fandom. I miss the escape. I miss the discourse. I miss the photosets and the freaking out over characters. I miss fandom buddies.

My experience of fandom since I last left Tumblr maybe 2-3 years ago has been very solitary. AO3 fics that I *do* comment on or discord servers where I’m one of dozens or more of people that no one can really remember because it’s hard to try to “compete” to be heard with 5 other people who are friends that are talking in depth about parts of fandom that you are new to...that and Google bloody Images have been my fandom for the past 2 years. 

It’s fucking lonely out here. I feel like a fandom cowboy, alone on a prairie, occasionally passing by other cowboys and wrangling the livestock together for a moment before heading on with a half-hearted tip of our hats. It’s more than likely the reason why I haven’t published a fic in nearly 2 years, even though I’ve completed 1 or 2 little ones. I used to write all the time, all the time. Fics, ficlets, drabbles, headcanons. Screaming into the void is so much harder than just sitting there with your eyes closed and pretending there is no void.

I got into Classic Doctor Who and back into a few “older”/smaller fandoms, and when there’s no fic to be had...your only option really is Tumblr. I was writing again (am writing again?), and the photo/gif sets and the meta had me fucking inspired for the first time in...so long. I was addicted to writing again. Wrote more in the last two weeks than I have in years. Started writing a fic that’s already longer than any I’ve ever written before.

I thought I could handle it, Tumblr helped so much before in the Golden Days of Tumblr. I became part of a huge fandom friend group on Skype back then. I had friends. I had true fandom, not this bizarre one-person-imaginings experience of fandom. 

I was able to see something triggering or an opinion I disagreed with or deal with bad anons or any of the bad parts of Tumblr. I was able to see just the good, overall.

But, now, I don’t know that I can? I’m too internalizing now? Someone replies to a post with a minor disagreement and it makes me hate myself. I get a slightly disgruntled anon and I cry. People don’t tag very triggering or super stressful political items anymore, so I can’t “unplug” when I need to avoid seeing things about riots and horrendous crimes against people and so I wind up with an additional panic attack because I can’t do anything about anything. 

I don’t know if the vibe of this place has changed or if I’ve become one of the dreaded and dreadful “snowflakes” who just can’t handle shit. I think both, honestly. 

And it fucking sucks, okay? Because I was starting to get back into the swing of liking this place. I was starting to branch out and reconnect with folks I knew from before that were/are wonderful or make new fandom acquaintances. I had the carrot of having a collection of true fandoms in front of me. Of feeling connected in this time of horrendous isolation (both for the world and me personally). 

But the stick is so much bigger than I remember. So much larger and harder; a tree trunk log instead of a twig switch. I’m not taking little love taps or slightly stinging slaps, I’m being beaten with it. By it.

I don’t know what to do. I want to keep Tumbling. I want to keep building friendships and talking about dumb fandom things. I want to reblog old gifsets and have convos in the tags. I want to share fics/art back and forth. I live for the discussions that I’m starting to have again. I live for seeing 3 bloody notes on an original post I made. I live for knowing that someone, somewhere is seeing something I wrote or made or said and likes it.

I don’t want the internalization of disagreements, of a perceived inferiority to other users, of feeling bad about myself over things that aren’t even a big deal on Tumblr but are to me. I don’t want to feel even more ‘less than’ than I already do.

I don’t want to feel extreme anxiety over the insanity of the world that I can’t escape even on here because tagging is a thing of the past and it’s apparently a major faux pas to ask for tags on triggering content, even if I fully support the matters tagged. I live the insanity okay? I’m a queer, disabled, person of color, in the small-town Midwest living in poverty. I’m not some racist who just doesn’t want to see your protest content. I’m struggling to get by. 

Maybe I’ll just stop producing content? Only reblog and like? Only comb through character tags or chat with some of the fantastic people that have offered? My inspiration is declining, along with my mood.

I’d honestly contemplate a permanent hiatus (just not a deletion) if all of the fandoms that I was in had discords, but they don’t. If they do, I don’t know about them. Though, honestly, discord is not the same, and I always feel even more insignificant there. Drowned out or unimportant. 

Huh. Drowned out or unimportant, that could really be the title of this pity post. Possibly the title of an autobiography, if I was ever self-indulgent enough to write one.

If you’ve read this whole thing, then wow. Thank you, because you’ve just given more of a shit about me and my feelings than anyone in a long, long time. 

This post probably won’t be up long, it was honestly meant to be a pity-party cathartic release of feelings and will, no doubt, make me feel more pathetic the longer I leave it up.

[inner-muse]

WIP Meme

List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets - anything at all!

Thanks for the tag @effelants !!

World of Warcraft fanart – On actual paper with colored pencils. It has a title but it’s a secret! Not characters, per se, just some stylized stuff + typography. About 2/3 done, needs some more colors; trying to figure out how to finish it up.

That collab project Effie mentioned – We ship our OCs really hard.

Kinky smut with sub!Cullen – incredibly self indulgent AU, featuring that trope where Lyrium kills templars’ libido, and one symptom of Cullen’s withdrawal is sudden spikes of uncontrollable desire. There’s a lot of these with dom!Cullen, but I’d always wanted one where he’s super subby and flings himself at his lady Inquisitor’s feet rather than pinning her to a wall. I haven’t touched this in ages – my eponymous muse tends to give me an initial burst of inspiration and then gallivants off somewhere... I really want to finish this one though

Reading a book for once – a coworker lent me “Sapiens: A brief history of humankind” by Yuval Noah Harari. I haven’t read nonfiction in... gosh, years, but this one sounded right up my alley

A couple drabbles about Kelandris in Haven – I want to write more about her canon self. These are mostly just ideas at this point. I have about a paragraph of a letter she writes to her sister, and a sentence of Cullen reading her report from Therinfal (that one is going to be a while, I think, I’m vaguely writing chronologically)

Beauty and the Beast fanfiction – A fic for anyone who was disappointed when the Beast turned back into a prince at the end. This has been a wip for like... a year, or something. Suffering from the same problem as #3, which is a real shame because I’m really, really proud of what I have so far

Rearranging the art on my walls – I got my diplomas framed, courtesy of my mom for the holidays. They’re still occupying my one armchair instead of hanging up where I want them. I have some other prints there which I need to move first...

New WoW character – finally unlocked the Lightforged! Now I have another alt to level...

Phew, that’s a lot! Thanks again for the tag ❤️ it’s fun to list it all out!

Tagging @mistralrunner @missragdoll84 @uriellactaea @princessvicky01 @fereldenpeach @kaoruyogi @kawereen @silent-of-spirit @blue-moon-magic @ladydracarysao3 @libraribear No pressure, as always!

[stephicness]

Some Useful Tips on Making Gifs (With Sony Vegas)

@sxlvxrfxngxr

Well hi there! :D Thanks for your nice comment~ And for taking the type to ask me something!

For me, making gifs is a bit different than the photoshop loading up and editing type thing, because I actually use Sony Vegas plus a third party website to convert my video files into gifs. c: It’s tedious to go from one thing to another, but I can describe my process of gif-making to you, if you like! It might give you an idea of how ideas form, and what things I do when editing it! If you’re not familar with Vegas, then it might seem like a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but it’ll get you a start on how to do it! 

Keep reading below since this is gonna get long, and be wary! Imma be using Chapter 13, Verse 2 as my example!

So like everything I make, I gotta start off with an idea, right? In this case, I’m starting with the idea that ‘Man, I really like Ravus. Imma make a self-indulgent gifs with, I dunno, the new cutscenes and stuff.’ So with an idea that simple, I fire up Vegas and drop the video file I want to take from, so I can cut it down!

When I make my gif sets, I'm very exact when it comes to the timing on them. So they all are 2 seconds long. Rarely are they longer than that. So I trim down the clips that I want to make gifs of, and I have them in my timeline for editing and trimming! (In this case, I’m trimming the subtitles until I can get the cutscenes in HD without the subs). So after that’s all trimmed down, I’m able to have individual clips to trim down if needed, pan to what angle I want them in, and have stuff I can add and eliminate accordingly! Good stuff! Be sure to disable the resampling by selecting the clips and going to switches. It’ll prevent ghost-framing and make your clips look so clean and smooth when in motion!

Now I can add my video effects to the clips, which basically act as my filter and coloring. Me personally, I like darker blacks and lighter lights, so I end up adding an effect known as ‘Levels’ to my clips, as well as the ‘HSL Adjust’ effect. Both of those will allow me to brighten my colors highlights while darkening the darks that I want. It’s a play with it, but I typically like the Preset ‘Studio to Computer RGB’ for levels and an HSL adjust with 1.21 points on saturation, and 1.05 on luminosity. I just drag and drop what I want onto the entire video track to apply it, and that gives me my base color. (I use these base settings on the ‘This Is...’ series. Basic color enhancement!) You can also use Levels and HSL adjust in Photoshop too in your adjustments panel as well!

So now, I play around with some coloring, usually with nothing in particular for a set color, but for this case, Imma go with something violet. This is where I usually play with ‘Color Curves’ and ‘Color Corrector’ to get the tones that I want. Color curves is nice because you can play with the specific RGB spectrums you want, making some colors more apparent or others less. Kinda like the color sliders, only with a graph instead. You can anchor certain points and shift the color and lighting to your favor, making it a fun tool to experiment with! You can first edit all three at once to play with lights and shadows, and then you can go to each one individually to play with how much reds, blues, and greens appear.

Some examples of playing with it...

It’s all about playing with the color curves, but you can make some pretty cool combinations! After you apply color curves, you can also try using the Color Corrector tool. (There’s secondary color corrector too, but that one’s more good for a sin-city effect.) This tool allows play on the colors too, but it’s not as manipulative as the Curves tool, and it’s a Vegas feature. But with Color Corrector, you can apply midtones and highlights of certain colors to your edit, while also playing with the lighting, saturation, and contrast of it. This one’s customizable by its low-lights, mid-tones, and high-lights, so it can be used to make things softer or apply almost a color wash over your edit. It’s really nice when wanting to try muting your clip, but not have it straight-up black and white. Like many of Vegas’s effects, this one’s all about play too! If it’s too bright too, you can desaturate it from the color corrector, or even apply the Black and White effect in Vegas to desaturate it even more.

Once that’s done, you can add text with the Text Generator in Vegas! I use 10, so the text generator was pretty much the same since Vegas 7, but in versions like Vegas 13, you’d have to find the Legacy Text Generator for a more simple interface. Basically just type it in, add outlines, shadows, and the like there. It doesn’t have fancy text effects, but you can just add transitions and stuff with Vegas effects to do cool things with text in general! I’m simple with my text, so I enjoy using the ‘Times Sans Serif’ font with ‘Times New Roman’ to make more pretty looking edits. Don’t need fancy fonts, in my opinion, but they can look cool in some instances. Again, it’s experimentation in what you think looks cool! For quotes too, I usually come up with them from the top of my head. But in this case, I had a Dragon Age quote I wanted to use. c: So playing with some Graphic Design things, you can apply the text accordingly!

And that’s pretty much all I wanted to do with my gifset! I’ll then render out what I have and then I can run over to my gif converter site to convert everything into a GIF format for Tumblr. When rendering though, I render in an HD 30p format, with a project template of 60 frames per second, so my things are a little bit clear. Depending on the converter sight, you can keep all of the frames, but Tumblr HATES large files. So, I keep it in an MP4 30p render file and call it good. c:

From there, I can trim down and optimize my gifs for a proper Tumblr format. The website I use only has a cap of 25 FPS, but it lets me optimize, crop, resize, and more after I upload my video file. It’s easy to use once you get the hang of it too! 

And that’s how I make my gifs. c: It’s really fun and simple once you get the hang of it! Photoshop is a different process for making gifs, but here’s how to do it with video editing software! I hope this helps you out a bit, despite my rambling and stuff, but it might help you if you figure out Photoshop gifing too, dear friend!

[number5theboy]

Creator Tag Game

I was tagged by the awesome Michelle @lilapittss​, thank you, I really love your creations!!

rules: answer the questions and then tag 10+ other creators to answer the questions!

first creation and most recent creation of 2020: I’m restricting it to creations published on this blog alone, which I started at the end of April. The first gifset was a gifset of Five, specifically non-verbal acting moments that I love, to celebrate my new URL. And the last gifset is me right back where I started from, it’s Five again, a collection of same moments between show and comic Five that I am very proud of.

one of your favorite creations from 2020: It is my most self-indulgent gifset to date, but I love my gifset of Five & Figures from Greek Mythology he reminds me of. The colouring turned out fire, and I like the text I came up with a lot. Five really is a character that feels like a Greek hero, truly one of those fatally flawed, deeply tragic characters that has a similar framing to a Greek tragedy, and I like that a lot, because it comes with an inherent moral ambiguity. It’s pretentious and maybe a bit reaching, but if it fits, it sits.

one new style you tried this year and a gifset that uses it: Blending! I tried it on this gifset for the countdown to season 2, it took me a small eternity and I am not satisfied at all with the result, and I haven’t tried it since, even though I’ve been wanting to.

your favorite coloring: I LOVE the colouring on this gifset of Five and Vanya fighting. It looks so good, I adore it, truly.

a creation that took you forever: It is literally called the Mammoth Project - I made this extensive Five appreciation gifset where I tried to showcase as much of Aidan Gallagher’s character work and range as possible. I’m proud of it, but it did take me over a week to complete.

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: Five Suffering For Nineteen Days Straight currently stands at 7.7k notes, and it also took me forever, and it makes me happy that it didn’t flop. 

a creation you think deserved more notes: this gifset of Five and the Handler and this general gifset are two of my best colourings ever, and the gifsets flopped HARD. Especially the first one deserves better, I still think it’s gorgeous.

a creation with a favorite scene/quote: THIS GIFSET OF FIVE THROWING DIEGO UNDER THE BUS. It has the tag ‘listen he is a bastard and I love him so much’. I stand by that tag.

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: well, all of this is TUA-themed, but I do adore this gifset of Season 1 lyrics that would have fit a Hargreeves sibling they weren’t used for.

a creation you made that breaks your heart: The one that broke everyone else’s hearts too. Just a gifset of the 567 siblings and how they were made into monsters by people just using them.

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: I simply adore my Luther&Diego relationship development gifset. It’s a simple theme of blue and orange, but it turned out pretty, and I love my idea of the black and white gifs representing the start- and endpoint of the development. Good himbo bros are a weakness of mine.

a creation that was inspired by another one (add both your creation and the one that inspired it!): to be honest, the only one that was inspired by something else is the show/comic Five comparison, it was inspired by and expands upon this post

a favorite creation created by someone else: where to start....

very recently, this beautiful Vissy gifset by Ren, it’s SO pretty and SO romantic and I love the way they set it up, especially that last gif has been living rent free in my head since I saw it

everything Arianna has ever done ever, she makes the most beautiful, aesthetically pleasing creations, but I’m very biased and I really love the gifsets she made for me, this beautiful Five gifset and especially this horror gifset she made for an AU of mine, I still look at that one about once a week

GOD I LOVE THIS ALLISON & VANYA GIFSET that Michelle made, I am SO emo just thinking about it, it’s gorgeous and emotional and I love it. 

the wonderful Francesca, queen of the colour orange, made this Five gifset that I just adore, the colour scheme and the blur and the little circles with the pops of blue....gorgeous and the quote is perfect

The Hargreeves Siblings Suffering™ that Myra made an updated Season 2 version of. I remember the Season 1 version, and it is still as painful, and Myra’s blending is SO good in all her gifsets, but I love the contrast of colour and black/white here so much

Isha’s gifset of Soft™ Hargreeves Siblings just warms my heart and makes me smile every time I see it. She also made great gifset of the relationships of the siblings throughout the siblings, specifically Diego & Vanya and Five & Vanya. 

In the completely opposite camp, Zahraa made a gifset entitled # team zero braincells, and it is exactly what one would want it to be. I remember seeing it and laughing my ass off. And this Five gifset of hers is one of my favourite Five gifsets ever, period. Because it showcases what I like most about Five, which is Aidan Gallagher’s performance. It highlights so many good acting moments and I love it to bits. 

Artemis made this STUNNING gifset that is just a call to take Reginald down for all he did to the kids, with a BEAUTIFUL layout that I really adore. It looks SO good. And she is an expert at funny gifsets that also look super pretty. This one Vanya ‘miss my with that ‘weapon accuracy’ shit’ delights me to this day, just the idea and execution is on point, hilarious, 111/10.

Maggie just has such a grasp on colourful, vibrant gifs, and I have since made peace with the fact that I will never ever be able to colour Five as prettily as she did in this Bruised And Battered Five gifset. Literally nothing tops that second gif. It is so beautiful. Also, both on a colour and typography and emotional level, this gifset of Five and Vanya just hits perfectly. The quote fits them so well and I’m such a sucker for gifsets that celebrate their sibling relationship, and I love it so much. 

last but not least, Tess has been a genuine joy to talk to and one of the most creative people I’ve ever seen on this site. Shoutout to their little Hargreeves Emoji Quotes creation that is SO cute, and their Five and Allison Quote sets, they look STUNNING and the bold colours and typography.....Tess, your talent!!!

some of your favorite content creators from the year: Legit, folks, I couldn’t pick a single creation by someone else to shout out, so I picked one or more of each of you, because you are all amazing and talented, so I wanted to pay you compliments. You have filled my dash with so much beauty and joy and you are all such inspirations. I wish you all a wonderful new year, @almondchestnut, @seance, @lilapittss, @evakant, @andyoudoctor, @diazalex, @zavens, @fivevanyaklaus, @lukehan, @ogaferoga, you all rock. Also if any of you haven’t done this tag (I have lost track) feel free to do it :)

another couple more creations of yours that you love:

my pair of Five character moments that I drenched in the same colouring: Five + sarcasm + coffee and Five moonlighting as the Commission assassin therapist

my Umbrella Academy Film Genre AUs: Horror Movie and Film Noir

Lost Hargreeves parallel gifset, because the last two gifs still make my heart clench