#the more I think about it the worse I feel about michael ever being around these two

[llitchilitchi]

In your copacetic au, does c!Dream ever get defensive about c!Sam and their situation-ship?

Like would he aggressively proclaim how they feel about each other and try to convince everyone else to let them go, or would it be more like a sad denial/reassurances and just tell positive stories about c!Sam? Would c!Sam try to defend himself, too?

(Also on a smaller note you mentioned that the Revengers were looking for Michael, did they find him during all this mess)

when Dream's first found, he screams for Sam. it's panicked and loud and desperate, and Sam can't tell if that's because Dream's scared of the consequences of being discovered or the fact that Tubbo is holding a massive axe. he never gets to find out, because Techno blocks him with his own sword, keeping a distance between the two. their eyes meet over Techno's shoulder, and Sam knows the exact moment they both realise that this is Dream's way out.

still Dream cowers and hisses at anyone who comes close to him, until Techno steps over with a tired sigh. Dream doesn't fight beyond a few offended insults thrown at Techno as he's picked up like a small child. (Sam hoped that he would be the only one who gets to handle Dream like this.) but he's not angry. he's not fighting back. Sam watches his project be carried away while Eret holds a blade to his throat.

the panic comes back only once Dream realises that Sam is not following. he looks around, demands Techno stops and it takes everything in Techno to stop the idiot from falling out of his arms.

"Sammy's nice to me," he insists, even days later.

"Can I see him?"

"Is he coming to visit?"

"He was good to me."

Ponk wonders if Dream clings to Sam out of the fear of being alone. despite the hickeys, and despite the claims that Dream was okay with all of it, Ponk struggles to see how any of it was ever okay.

he never uses fancy words, doesn't call them a couple, doesn't say they were in a relationship. then again, he denies him and Techno being friends, at which Techno only snorts and tells him to keep lying to himself.

(Dream wonders if Sam is locked up, somewhere far away, or if he left him behind the moment the server found out about them. if it was easier for him to walk away without thinking of it too much, like George and Sapnap and everyone else. the thought alone hurts more than everything the Warden did to him.)

Sam paces in his room, and as soon as the door opens he crosses the few steps to the exit and grips Bad's arms with enough force to bruise.

"Where is he?" he demands, and Bad drops the food in his hands as he startles.

"You know you're not allowed to see him," he remindes, almost chastises.

Sam hisses, takes a step back from his once friend.

"How is he?" he tries again.

"Better, not thanks to you though," Bad huffs. "I'm not telling you anything more, Sam! You ruined him!"

"Does he miss me?" Sam asks, finally, and he feels a sick warmth spread through his chest when Bad huffs and leaves the room. he pretends it's longing.

(while Techno wrestles Dream out of his corner, huffing and sighing at Dream's shoves and childish insults, Tubbo steps away from the scene. he calls for Michael, hopes to hear his son call back as he passes what he assumes is Sam's bedroom, and then takes the stairs down. his eyes well with tears when he pushes a door open and Michael turns away from a cloth chicken, dropping the toy to go hug his dad.)

[pillowspace]

Thinking about how Charlotte Emily most likely regularly hung out with the Aftons.

William comes downstairs at 9 in the morning to see Charlie and Elizabeth with empty teacups and a teapot, and is just like, ah. Of course. Little girls love tea parties, but indulges them anyway like "what are you two up to?" Elizabeth immediately lights up. "Charlie said that we should play British People 'cause we're British!" William, now a bit more confused, "...ah. I see." Elizabeth, "oh won't you join us? Pretty please?" Charlie then pipes in that she had also asked Mike, but that he had very unfortunately said no, because "Liz plays too mean." Elizabeth, "I do not, you're just too scared to lose!" Michael, "I can't fucking lose at 'British People.'"

Charlie and Elizabeth do atrocious things to their dolls. Drama. Tragedy. They always clash on the endings though, as Charlie wants their dolls fo have a happy end while Elizabeth wants their dolls to have an even worse end

Michael doesn't know Charlie's staying over, and brings home his schoolmates one day. William Frowns TM like "I tried to tell you Henry was dropping off Charlotte today, but you were already halfway out the door." Michael later re-enters the room to find his schoolmates picking on Charlie and pulling at her hair. The closest Michael ever feels to peace is when he's with the Emilys, so he immediately spirals at the sight like, "oh god, if Uncle Henry finds out I brought people over who hurt his daughter, he might not bring her over anymore. What do I do then? What do I do if he stops liking me?" He quickly shoos off his friends, going "dude! She's a guest, leave her be" while Charlie recovers. Before he too can follow after them, Charlie asks Michael if he'll draw with her. He hesitates. The Emilys are the closest he ever gets to peace, so he agrees and sits down to draw. "What are you drawing, Char?" "Marionette!" "'S that the creepy thing that's always watching the guests come and go at Freddy's?" "He's not creepy, he's my friend. Dad made him for me :(" "ahh. You know, my father's been building something for Liz too." "You think that it'll protect her like Marionette protects me?" "Maybe."

Charlie notices how anxious CC always seems to be, and declares one day that she'll keep him safe. She makes him a drawing of them both holding hands, and gives it to him so that he may always look upon it and know that Charlie's rooting for him. He nearly bursts into tears at the kind gesture. The whole household tries to be nicer to each other whenever Charlie's around, but CC tells her about Michael's behaviour to him. Knowing how weak Michael is to her, Charlie gives Michael a look while he's grabbing cereal the next morning like "you should be nicer to your brother. He's just a little kid." Michael immediately pauses, then awkwardly closes the cupboard like "ummm. Okay." Not wanting to use Charlie as a means to make fun of CC, he just never brings the interaction up afterwards

The Emily and Afton families joining together are constantly filled with different forms of jealousy from the Aftons. William, he's jealous of Henry. Michael, he's jealous of Charlie's positive relationship with her father. CC, he's jealous of how Michael seems to like Charlie so much more than him. Elizabeth doesn't even notice her own jealousy, but deep down, Charlie's completely peaceful household... confuses her. She rationalizes the lack of favouritism or hostility as it only stemming from Charlie being an only child, rather than Henry's good parenting. Being so young as well as being the perfect golden child, Elizabeth doesn't know how to express doubt in her father. Clearly, it must be her siblings doing something wrong if Charlie and Uncle Henry are doing so well on their own!

After CC's death, the house is filled with an unbreakable tension. It's grief. It's guilt. Michael and his schoolmates completely cut ties after what happened. And as always, the Emilys feel so separate from the tension of his own home. Michael starts talking to Charlie more frequently, more often at Henry's house rather than his own. He tries not to, or at least usually tries to hide first, but he accidentally has a complete breakdown in the living room one time. Charlie hums a soothing lullaby to him until Henry eventually comes back, notices the state Michael's in, and takes over calming him down while sending Charlie off to do some other seemingly helpful task. After Elizabeth's death, Michael only really has the Emilys left. Charlie stops just being his source of peace, and becomes his best friend. His only friend. Then after Charlie's death...

It's rather lonely all of a sudden.

Later, years later, when Michael's flesh is rotting on his bones and everything is just about to finally be done with, he sits down on the edge of a cheap creaky stage he bought, and lightly knocks his knuckles against Lefty's calf. "Charlie? Can you hear me alright? It's Michael ... I'm sorry. I know I never acted like it, but... for what it's worth... you were my best friend back then. ...Whatever's beyond this, would you like to be friends again there too?"

[galaxynajma]

Blue Lock driving headcanons Why? Well why not

Btw I have zero idea what I’m even talking about here

Isagi:

Isagi was always use to either his dad or mom driving him around so he wouldn’t really think of getting a license ( especially when he’s in bluelock ), but at some point in few years he realized that the number 1 striker should probably know how to drive

Bachira

Probably knows how to drive a bike, besides that the closest thing he ever got to driving a car was one of them toy ones his classmate had

He would just let one of his friends ( aka Isagi ) drive him around , he’s more of a backseat princess than a passenger one

Chigiri:

Chigiri just lets his mom drive him around to school and such . His sister does as well when he’s visiting her

Chigiri is just a princess

Kunigami:

Sister kunigami was actually teaching Ren how to drive… but then Bluelock happened.. and then the wildcard

But after everything is settled he does touch the idea of learning how to drive again

Barou:

Barou got a sports car, black with red leather seats, for his 18th birthday from his father. A week or so later he got his license

he drives his two little sisters EVERYWHERE. The moment one or both of them are feeling a little down by just a little, Barou immediately gets the car ready to go to the mall and spoil them rotten

Barou has a couple of rules when it comes to having people in his car . And the number 1 rule is " NO EATING IN THE CAR ". Also has extra floor mats

Those rules don’t apply to his sisters btw

Shidou:

Does Shidou have a license? No , does he know how to drive? Yes , is he good at it? WELLL-

You won’t die but the amount of stress you’ll feel probably isn’t good ( unless your name is Itoshi Sae )

Aiku:

He knows how to drive ofc , after training with the U20 team he’s dangling his carkeys loudly with a cocky smug smirk asking if anyone’s up for a ride

He wants to learn how to ride a motorcycle at some point, do you know .. increase his popularity with the ladies

Karasu:

When Karasu’s 18th birthday was around the corner his older sister and grandma were teaching him late at night. Granny kept nagging at his ear the whole time .. but don’t worry everything tuned out alright, took his driving lesson a week after

Otoya:

Otoya thought about learning about how to drive just so he can seem more cool but ends up forgetting about it .after he met Karasu during bluelock he just uses him as his personal ride from now on

Yukimiya:

Yukki knows enough to drive around late at night he knows that if his eye condition gets worse that he won’t be able to do something like this again 

Rin:

Rin always knew that he’ll get his driving license eventually but he wasn’t in a rush… but the moment he heard both Isagi and Sae have theirs , Rin had to get his as soon as possible when he turned 18

Sae:

Sae has a license, he just likes it when other people drive him around instead( aka his manager)

The only reason he ever got it was because he wanted to go to the beach late at night alone without any worry

Lorenzo:

Snuffy had the great idea of teaching Lorenzo how to drive! … yeah the first time didn’t go so well.. might have ended with Snuffy needing his car fixed.. but Lorenzo is definitely getting better!!

Kaiser and Sae had the misfortune of being Lorenzo’s first two guests to ride around with… Kaiser felt like he was gonna have a heart attack meanwhile Sae was regretting his life choices that lead him here

Kaiser:

Kaiser finally had it .. a beautiful custom designed sports car , a hunk of steel and metal that was peak german engineering , something to show off how far he has come , something he bought from his well earned money

Ray Dark: it’s beautiful . Good choice, Kaiser.

Kaiser: oh ah- Well you don’t think that I, Michael kaiser , would have poor taste.

Ray Dark: No no of course not .. you’re no longer that helpless 15 year old I found. Why don’t you take her for a little ride?

Shit.

Kaiser: OH- um why of course - just give me a -

Ray Dark: You don’t know how to drive, don’t you?

…

Ray Dark: * sigh * I guess you’ll have to take some lessons first . Don’t want you getting into trouble

Ness:

Ness has always ridden a bike growing up, honestly if it was up to him he would use a bike forever

It fits his whole aesthetic you know? He has a lot of silly little wizard themed stickers on his old bike

He thought about riding a motorcycle before… hmmm

.

The end

[starcrossedxwriter]

Babies on Board Part 1 (MBJ x Famous Black OC)

A/N: Sort of a part 3 to Falling Apart? Gonna be honest... this is just 5k words of Els and Bakari being cute lol there's no plot here... just fluff and cute pregnancy vibes.

12 Weeks

“Any concerns before we get started?” Simone asked as Michael helped Charlotte get situated on the examination table. 

Her initial response was a mere disgruntled huff as she flopped back against the cold uncomfortable material of the table. 

It would have been easier to list what was not a concern at this point. She was was not even close to done with teh process and was already ready for this baby to move the fuck out of her uterus to a new address. She was constantly uncomfortable, throwing up every hour of every damn day, dizzy and to make matters worse, she was gaining weight faster than she could have ever imagined. Limbs that never ached before seemed to now only know one setting: pain. And she knew it was only going to get worse.

The A list couple had made the conscious decision to not publicly announce their pregnancy yet. That decision had made the final week of their press tour decidedly miserable and their vacation did not fare much better as Charlotte fought off non stop morning sickness. While she enjoyed the first week of their trip, laying out on their private beach in Saint-Tropez, she was essentially sequestered to the cabin of their yacht during the final week as the deadly combination of morning and motion sickness hit her. She tried to power through but even she could not hide how miserable she was. So she was not shocked when Michael cut the trip short so they could get home and Charlotte could relax at home and be close to her doctor.  

They both knew their runway to announce this themselves was quickly running out as Charlotte had, much to her chagrin, already formed a small but distinct baby bump. Her wardrobe now consisted almost exclusively of Michael’s oversized clothes from his Killmonger days to hide it. And while it was cute and chic now, she knew it would not last without someone noticing soon enough. She knew it was not a secret they could hide forever but she thought they would have more time than this. 

The bump was the first physical and tangible sign that they were going to be parents and that their lives were about to drastically change. And every time she looked at herself, she was hit with this all consuming dread that she was not ready, that she had gone on this journey and she would not be good enough. Michael was ready, he had been born to be a father and his excitement was bright enough that she did not think he even noticed how dim her light was.

“Umm the only thing… I feel like I’m already gaining too much weight?” She paused when she heard Michael make an annoyed tsk noise, whipping her head around in frustration. “What? That’s my concern right now.” 

“That ain’t what we talked about, baby,” he sucked his teeth in annoyance, though his tone maintained its usual sweetness toward her. He knew she was struggling with all of this and the hormones certainly were not making it any better for her. 

Vain was not a word he would have ever used to describe Charlotte. She cared about her appearance and being a fashion it girl on red carpets but she never really harped on putting on extra weight or things like that. However, as her body started to make subtle changes week by week, she developed an obsession with her weight and figure. And every day she looked in the mirror and noticed something different or saw the number on the scale increase, it only added fuel to the fire in her mind. And while he understood all of that, there were real concerns that he did not want to get lost in her pursuit to maintain her weight despite being pregnant. 

She groaned, rolling her eyes as she folded her arms like a petulant child. “It was just the once, Bakari. And everything I read said it’s normal.”

“It wasn’t just once. And you know it’s hella convenient when you choose to listen to Google and when you don’t.” He turned to address his rant to Simone who merely sported an amused look on her face. “100 articles told her it was totally normal to start showing at 12 weeks but she’s convinced that can’t be right. But WebMD, which told her she had brain cancer once cause she had a fuckin’ headache by the way, is right about you faintin’ left and right??” 

“First, ‘left and right’ is dramatic… this isn’t a set, no need for theatrics.” She sucked her teeth in annoyance. “Second, there’s no reason to trash Web MD, real doctors submit that information and it is literally science…” she started to fuss at him when Simone cut her off, shaking her head at the couple’s antics.

“Ok, ok, ok. How about you tell me, an expert, you know years of schooling and residency and a mountain of debt, and I’ll tell you if it is normal or not?” 

“Well the two things are connected, in my opinion,” Charlotte responded. “When we got back from vacation around 9 weeks, I felt like I was already gaining a lot of weight so I increased my workouts a bit. Got dizzy a few times and someone,” she cut her eyes toward Michael, “insisted I cut back. But I already have a bump and it’s huge… I look like I could be six… EIGHT months pregnant!” Simone and Michael both snickered at her exaggeration but her hormones gave her a pass. “Don’t laugh at me, Michael! I’m serious! This all just feels too soon and I know it’s not my diet. I just started being able to keep food down all day like yesterday.” 

“She’s leaving a lot out,” Michael chastised, though his tone mirrored the loving and exasperated expression on his face. “We cut back because she’s fainting after her runs. And not just after runs, I bet she didn’t tell you about her fainting spell on our press tour.” 

“Once!” She cried out. “And I already compromised with you on this! And that was weeks ago… such a snitch,” she whispered the last part under her breath.  

“Twice,” he called out louder. “She fainted twice, once in the driveway and once trying to walk up the stairs after her run. She was alone the first time and I was behind her the second time thankfully. Or else, I would’ve been taking her to the damn ER. She could’ve been seriously hurt. And she’s been getting lightheaded and dizzy almost every day. Her compromise was to cut back from 5 miles to 3, which is the point of this argument that I’ve been having with her for the last 72 hours since I caught her from falling down the damn stairs. She needs to stop completely and she thinks she shouldn’t because of the weight gain.” 

Simone’s hand went to her heart as she made a small “awww” noise and wheeled around in her chair. 

“An overprotected husband and a wife who can’t slow down… you two are in for a very long 9 months,” she chuckled before turning her attention back to Charlotte’s chart. “Many women have a bump at 12 weeks. It’s jarring, which is totally fair, and can be overwhelming but it’s true. Everyone’s different. We’ll make sure nothing’s wrong. But Charlie, you’re gonna have to learn to accept the changes in your body as they come. I’m sorry but you aren’t gonna be able to outrun a baby bump. If there was a way, lord knows I would’ve done it for my kids. And you’re both right and wrong so that’s fun and please, for the love of God, stay off WebMD. Dizziness and fainting are common and there can be several causes but if they persist as time goes on, you should let me know. You are fine to work out for now but listen to your body and take it easy. I would lay off running outside and trails unless someone is with you thoug. Is that a good compromise for both mom and dad?”

“Fine, if Michael gets us a better treadmill than that janky one in the gym.”  

“If it keeps your ass from running through our neighborhood, I’ll buy 10 treadmills. I assume that’s in addition to your real push present?”

“Naturally. Diamonds, baby… lots of them. And a new car if you ever want me to go through this shit again,” she winked at him and pushed herself up to kiss him softly. 

Michael knew she was half kidding and did not expect all of those things, however, he would get them without question. In fact, he was already shopping for a new car for her and a new family car. He had not figured out her other gifts yet but they would most certainly be of the sparkly and expensive variety. His baby deserved every push present he could afford.

“Hope that Black Panther check is still coming,” Simone mused as she stood up with the ultrasound wand. “Alright, let’s see what we got going on in here.” 

Michael pressed his lips to Charlotte’s forehead to calm her as she nervously fidgetted. It was more than nerves, they both knew, she was terrified. Terrified that they had made it this far only for something horrible to go wrong. She would never admit it to Michael but she had barely forgiven herself for their miscarriage. If something happened this time, she did not know how she would survive it. 

She was thankful every day for Michael, his steadiness and calm. His face was already the picture of fatherly pride as he stared at the black and white ultrasound monitor. He was the only thing holding her together, the only thing keeping her ever present terror somewhat at bay. They waited in a slow silence until a soft thumping filled their ears. Charlotte let out a deep exhale of relief as their child’s heartbeat sounded through the room. 

Michael did not outwardly show his relief, even though he had been just as nervous as Charlotte. He was simply better at hiding it and did so mostly for her benefit. He could tell she had been keeping the pregnancy at arm’s length up until this moment. Her excitement was muted, she spoke in terms of ifs instead of whens as if she was convinced something would stop them from seeing that glorious finish line. While Michael had always been more of the optimist in their relationship, he was a bit surprised at how little Charlotte wanted to talk about or acknowledge her pregnancy until the first trimester was over. He imagined that was what fueled her obsession with her weight and the changes in her body. Those were the physical signs that she was indeed pregnant and that it was not something she could push to the back of her mind because she was scared. 

But Michael, regardless of his fears, had faith that this was their moment. Every day that passed assured him that this was different. He saw their child and future family so clearly, it was as if God was speaking to him. In a few months, they would have a healthy baby. His mind would not allow him to believe anything other than that. 

“And there’s our little one’s heartbeat. Very strong.” 

Charlotte squeezed Michael’s hand as they listened, both of their eyes filling with tears as they listened to the steady beat of their child’s heart. Proof that they had created this miracle together. 

“Thank you, baby. I love you so much,” Michael whispered as he kissed her lips.  

Before she could say it back, Simone interrupted them. 

“And… oh, give me a second. I see something that could be…” Simone continued moving the wand around, the heartbeat fading away as she studied the black and white ultrasound machine. The doctor was clearly preoccupied with whatever was on the screen that Charlotte could not hope to understand, her half completed sentence dying off much to the couple’s chagrin.

Charlotte glanced between her husband and her doctor, her joy souring into panic within an instant. This was the one moment and place she did not want her doctor to see anything that gave her pause. She glanced back at Michael whose face was no longer the excited one from minutes ago, but had gone utterly stoic. His eyes were the only thing that gave insight into his emotions, his worry swirling around in them despite his best efforts to shield his wife from it.

“W-what’s wrong?” She asked, clearing her throat, hoping she could keep the pure panic she felt out of it. 

“Relax, Charlie. Nothing’s wrong. Sorry, I just wanted to triple check but our friend has a friend in there. Hear that?” She moved the wand to another part of her belly, another heartbeat sounding. “You’re having twins.” 

Silence.

“W-what?” 

“N-No, no. That can’t be right. H-How’s that possible?” 

Simone laughed. “Well, sex… genes and pure luck, honestly. Can’t tell the genders yet but you definitely have two growing in there. Which would explain the weight gain and bump and lightheadedness… multiples can make symptoms more severe. So just listen to your body and take it easy,” Simone smiled. “You two look like I just grew three heads.” 

Charlotte let out a nervous chuckle. “No, no… I think that just wasn’t on our list of things you’d say today. Twins… whew… God’s just throwing us in the deep end, huh?” she laughed, glancing at Michael. She was excited, her eldest sister had twins and their bond was truly beautiful to see. However, she could not tell how Michael felt. They were doubling their household in one go and she could not tell if he was happy or utterly terrified. 

Michael merely smiled and kissed her. “We know how to swim,” he whispered. Michael knew he should be terrified at the prospect of two babies but he wasn’t. But with Charlotte, he knew he could tackle anything, they could do anything.

“Famous last words,” Simone remarked, enjoying their blissful excitement. 

***

New Years (15 weeks)

“Come on, bed. You’ve been on your feet all night.” 

Charlotte laughed and glanced back at him as they walked up the stairs to their master suite. “You gonna be this overprotective the whole pregnancy? You were damn near pushing me into every open chair all night, Bakari. I stood for maybe two hours total.” 

“Yea well, still too long. And you just started to feel better a few weeks ago. Bey did not care that you weren’t tearing up the dance floor. She’s been where you are. She said she was shocked you even made it out of the house.” 

Charlotte sighed as they both walked into their giant closet. Their garment bags were already hanging and ready for their matching New Years Eve fits to go back into their safe homes. 

“She has been amazing… so much good advice. And please… as if I was going to miss Bey and Jay’s epic New Year’s party. It’s the party of the year, babe. Though this year was not the same with my stellar dance moves.” 

“Drunk dance moves,” he whispered as he came behind her to help her take off her jewelry. 

“Don’t pretend like drunk Charlotte isn’t your favorite,” she teased. “Too bad she’s serving a ten month prison stint. I miss her,” she moaned quietly. 

Michael let out a barking laugh. “I love you in all forms, baby.” His eyes fell down to her boobs, which were straining against the deep v neckline of her dress that stopped right at the top of her belly bump. “Particularly this form,” he leaned over and sucked on a particularly sensitive spot on her neck. 

He loved every aspect of Charlotte’s body, always had. And while Charlotte continued to bemoan the changes her body was going through, Michael was not complaining one bit. Her boobs were bursting out of every top and her already perfect hourglass figure had started to fill out a bit more. She looked radiant and sexy as fuck. Michael could barely keep his hands off of her. All of his friends who were dads warned him that there might be a lot of cold showers in his future depending on how the hormones affected her. But that had not been an issue. When she was up for it, his honey bee was putting his high sex drive to shame. 

His hands rested on the sides of her perfectly rounding belly, which is why Charlotte decided to enter 2019 with on full display. She had Law only pull outfits that would accentuate her growing bump and new curves. She was still getting used to them but she knew she looked damn good tonight. And she was pleased that her husband thought so too. 

She let out a breathy moan. “Let me get out of this dress and shower first and then we can ring in 2019 properly.” She paused. “Oh! First, we gotta pick a photo for Instagram. Gotta get something out before the official photos get out there. I know we took those great ones before we left but… I kinda want to post one of the photo booth ones. They’re so fun.” 

“Sounds good. We can each post our favorite. You sure you’re ready to announce?” 

“Don’t second guess it after I basically told all of Black Hollywood babe! We don’t have a choice now. Besides, I’m tired of hiding under giant sweaters, it’s just getting weird.” 

“I hear you. Just wanna make sure you’re sure and don’t feel pressured to do it. We don’t owe people shit.” 

“I know. But we also deserve to share our news and joy… we’ve always done our thing on our time and I don’t want that to change. I’m just glad we waited till the second trimester. Now it feels good. ” 

Michael unzipped her dress, helping her shimmy out of it. “Are you excited now?” 

“I was always excited,” she muttered as she anxiously pulled the excess rings off her fingers, leaving her with just her engagement and wedding rings. 

“Lighthouse?” he whispered, kissing her bare shoulder. 

Her eyes clenched shut. That was their code, the one word they could invoke that demanded vulnerability and honesty, not assurances that placated the other’s feelings.

“I was always excited… my fear was just bigger,” she amended. “I didn’t want to disappoint you… or myself again. I know things that could still go wrong, b-but the fear is just different now, I guess.” 

Michael nodded as he started to take off his own outfit, carefully hanging them both back up and zipping their bags so they could be picked up the next day. He already knew everything she said, but Charlotte often needed to be pushed to voice the insecurities rattling around in her brain. And he knew that their relationship always struggled when they did not voice their fears and concerns. Neither of them were particularly good at being vulnerable and leaning on others but they were both working on it. He thought her subdued nature around the pregnancy was merely her fear of another miscarriage but there was still something that felt slightly off to him. It was something so subtle that he would have missed it if he did not know her so well. But this went beyond the typical fears of impending parenthood and he was determined to figure out why. 

“For the record,” he remarked as he pulled her over to their bed. He sat on the edge and pulled her between his legs, his hands resting on her sides. “You never disappointed me. What’s scaring you now?” 

Charlotte studied him for a few moments before shaking her head. She was not ready to share what weighed her heart down now, what terrified her. He would merely question why he decided to have kids with her and she could not take that. 

She ran her fingers down his arms and shrugged. “Just you know… scared of how fast everything is changing. Feels like we’re gonna run outta time before they get here. I’m excited, Bakari, I promise.” 

He decided to leave it there for now, knowing that she was not being entirely truthful. But it took time and perhaps she did not even know what bothered her yet so he would let it go… for now. 

“Excited enough to spend tomorrow in bed picking out baby names??” 

Michael could not explain it but he was particularly excited about picking out their children’s names. While Charlotte bemoaned the process of having to find enough combinations of names they liked to name multiples, Michael found pursuing baby name books and the internet to be oddly fun. He already had a list on his notes app of every name he loved. 

“Never met a man this excited about naming babies.” 

“How many men you tried to name babies with??” he asked playfully, gently tickling her sides. 

“Stop, stop, stop,” she begged as she broke out into laughter. She tried to move but his strong ass legs kept her trapped. He continued his playful assault for a few moments before giving her a reprieve. “Only you, I promise.” 

“That’s what I thought,” he kissed her belly. 

“Can we wait till we know the genders, please?” she pleaded. “Without that, it’s too many potential combinations to think about.” 

“It’s crazy that your mama can keep the lyrics to every musical ever created in that big brain of hers but she can’t keep names straight,” Michael whispered to her belly, causing Charlotte to roll her eyes. 

“Once upon a time, your mama was a musical savant,” Charlotte bragged with a playful grin. “Now, she can barely remember her own name. Let alone 100 combos of first and middle names. But as soon as we have genders, yes… we can pick out names. Aka review your list.” 

At his jaw dropping, she shrugged. “Daddy’s kinda tech illiterate, doesn’t even know that his notes sync to his laptop. It’s ok, y’all will teach them.” She offered to the two babies in her belly that could not remotely hear a single of their playful insults to each other. 

Michael pursed his lips before nodding. “Fine. Once we know the genders. No gender reveal… I ain’t waiting that long.”

“Deal. I hate that shit anyway.”  

22 weeks

"So Michael... this one learned how to slow down yet?" Malcolm called from the other end of the table, Charlotte covering her face jokingly with a napkin.

"Not a chance in hell," Michael joked as he gestured for staff to refill everyone's glasses. "Remember, mocktail for her," he motioned to Charlotte at the other end of the table. "I see she didn't tell y'all how I found out she was pregnant?"

"Some of us are more interested the story of how she got pregnant?” Chris joked, his husband playfully swatting him on his arm.

“Right because that’s an appropriate story for dessert?? But… maybe call me to tomorrow,” Charlotte winked at him jokingly, causing the entire table to erupt in laughter. "Michael's literally never gonna let me live this one down, yall. I may or may not have passed out right before our press conference."

"And then, check this out. Told our director to give her a minute and she'd be ready. As if we hadn't just picked her up off the floor?"

"Soooo embarrassing," Charlotte laughed. "And totally ruined my cute onesie situation that I actually had planned."

Loud chatter and laughter filled the Jordan home at their long farm-style table at a dinner party with some of their friends. A few of Charlotte's co-stars from her last musical and friends from the Hamilton were in LA for work so naturally Charlotte used it as an excuse to host, much to Michael's chagrin. Malcolm, Chris, Lin, Renee, Leslie and most of their spouses were able to come. And though he thought it was too much stress for her, he could tell that she was having a ball.

"Charlie never learned when to sit down and relax though," Chris mused as they dug into dessert.

Charlotte took one bite of the perfect tiramisu she had stood on her feet for half the day making before discreetly pushing it away from her. When she tasted it earlier, she had to make Michael hide it so she did not eat the entire thing. And now? The taste was so sickeningly sweet that it made her want to vomit.

She had not had too many insane cravings or issues over the last few weeks but when her body was turned off by something, it felt as if it was in active revolt. All night, despite the ravings of everyone at the table, Charlotte merely took one or two bites of everything before wanting to toss it out the window. Her body did not want any of this fancy stuff.

She wanted In & Out. But the host could hardly sneak away for a burger and animal-style fries run. So she transformed into her usual outgoing self, so talkative and bubbly that no one even seemed to notice she was not eating.

Well... no one except a very perceptive actor seated across from her.

"So what are you most excited about?" Lin asked. Almost everyone at the table were parents.

Charlotte glanced down at Michael for a moment before sitting up straight. "I'm excited about a lot... but I think I'm just excited to get to know them. See and experience their personalities and uniqueness. Michael and I are insane," she chuckled. "So we're in for a real treat with these two."

Michael grinned. "Yea same. I have so many memories with my pops... I'm just excited to spend time with 'em, you know? Build all those core memories that they'll remember when they're our age."

"That's beautiful. You two are going to be amazing parents. Those two don't know how lucky they have it."

Charlotte's hand rested on her belly, rubbing it gently. "Thank you... and thank you for all the advice. All of you are my parenting role models so I'm keeping you all on speed dial."

Dinner progressed and by the time Charlotte hugged their last guest goodbye, she was ready to collapse into their bed. The only thing stopping her was the gnawing hunger and craving she felt. But they had spent so much money and energy on this party and it had been her idea. So she was not too keen on admitting to her husband that she was still starving.

"Thank you for indulging me and my friends. Everyone had fun." Charlotte stretched onto her tiptoes and kissed him on the lips in their foyer after they closed the door. He had been a trooper all night and during Charlotte's planning.

"You have fun?" Michael asked as he pulled her flush to his chest.

"I really did. Though the only other party I'll be hosting before these babies move out is the baby shower. Cause fuck I'm so tired," she moaned, leaning her head into his shoulder. "You were right."

"Gonna savor this moment cause I know I'll never hear those words again," he whispered against her massive curls as he pressed his lips onto the top of her head. "But you can't crash yet."

"Why nottttttt?" She whined like a child.

"Because you need to eat."

"We just had dinner?"

"No... I and everyone else had dinner. You pushed your food around and acted if I was one of these oblivious niggas. You need real food. So what do you want?"

Charlotte's heart turned into a puddle and then the water works started.

"Oh baby. Els, don't cry."

"No... it's just, you're so sweet to me. A-and I spent all our money on this p-party and t-then all the food m-made me want to die a-and now you're gonna s-spend more money on m-me... I d-don't deserve you."

Michael chuckled as he rubbed her back. "You didn't spend all our money. I think I can afford a second dinner for you, honey bee." He leaned back so he could look at her. His fingers whisked away all her falling tears. "So, what sounds good?"

"In & Out?" She asked with a smile. "OH NO! The tacos... a-at that taco truck we went to. Fuck what was the name??"

Michael steered her toward the garage as she ranted about how delicious the tacos at this place were as if they had not gotten food from there almost once week for the last 4 weeks.

"Tacos it is."

"Thanks babe." Charlotte paused, squeezing his hand.

"For what?"

"Taking such good care of me... and CJ and MJ."

Michael pecked her on the nose before stopping. "Who tf is CJ and MJ?"

"Our children???" she gestured down at her belly, her tone signaling her appall at him not knowing her made up baby names.

"What do they stand for?"

"Charlotte Jr and Michael Jr? Duh!"

Michael almost doubled over in laughter . "We ain't naming our kids that, Els." He made sure she was settled in the passenger's seat before he jogged to the driver's side and climbed in.

"You don't like it because you haven't let me tell you the vision!"

Michael let out an exasperated laugh before he nodded, sliding his hand onto her leg, rubbing her soft skin as he drove.

"Don't think the vision will change my opinion, baby. But thankfully, tomorrow, you'll probably forget both those ideas... hopefully," he whispered the last part.

"Just for that, I'm gonna write them in your official brainstorm list," she grabbed his phone from the console, Michael playfully swiping for it. She let out an evil laugh as she added her objectively insane name choices to his ever-growing list.

"Pregnant you is a menace."

"I thought you loved me in all forms?" she teased.

He eyed for a moment before acquiescing. Pregnant Charlotte was certainly different... a more dramatic, hormonal, sour yet sweet, chaotic version of the woman he loved. And he wouldn't trade her for the world.

"I do," he pressed a soft kiss to her ring finger before squeezing it. "Except when you're hangry so let's get you some tacos."

26 weeks

“Alright, an Oreo milkshake for you, my love,” Michael handed her a homemade milkshake, the young woman practically dancing in her seat on the couch with excitement. 

After bursting out into tears one night at 4 a.m. because there was no place open to get the coveted milkshake her body craved, Michael started making them from scratch to her exact specifications. He made sure that every week on their grocery run, her emergency milkshake supplies were restocked so she never went without. 

He positioned himself at the end of the couch and slid her feet into his lap.

“Thank you. This is the exact brain fuel I needed for baby names. I still think, we shouldn’t rule out -” 

Michael immediately shook his head, he knew exactly where she was going with this. “No, absolutely not. The Michael alphabet-middle-name Jordan complex dies with me, baby. Besides what would they be? Michael C. And Michael D. Jordan?? That’s insane. We ain’t the Foremans.” 

She rolled her eyes. “You’re so stupid,” she laughed. “Not even a junior?? For me?” 

“No juniors. They deserve their own names, their own reputations. And I don’t like the idea of naming one after me and not the other.” 

They found out a week prior that they were having twin boys, which was exciting and terrifying in a mixture of ways. They both genuinely had not had any preference, they had hoped it would be a boy and a girl so they could get the best of both worlds. But neither of them minded at all. 

She moaned, frustrated. “Ugh, you hate me. Fine. What if, compromise… We could do your initials? MBJ, it's a nod but not a junior and we could find B middle names for them both and you had some M names on your long ass list.”

“My thorough list,” he corrected. “And I… am not against that. I do like when families’ names have a theme. I do love the name Miles.” 

“Miles Bakari Jordan… not too shabby. I think it’s really nice. Let’s write that one down?” she instructed Michael who was in charge of their official notes app note that contained their final baby name choices. 

“What’s another one?” 

“Maddox is cute?” Charlotte tried as she scrolled through a baby forum. 

“Yea if he was a white boy. You know any niggas named Maddox?”

Charlotte opened her mouth to rebut, however, immediately closed it and acquiesced. “Touche.” 

“Mason?” 

“So everyone can say I stole a name from one of those Kardashians? Fuck that. Nextttttt!” Michael laughed as they continued scrolling. “Malcolm?” 

“Malcolm Jordan? That’s awful. Maybe you should let me lead this, babe?” Michael joked, seriously questioning his wife’s naming ability. 

Charlotte jokingly swatted at him with a pillow while she laughed. “I really hate you. Umm… Oh I love the name Malachi?” 

“Miles and Malachi, I like them together. What middle name though?” 

“Ugh this is why I hate this! You land on a good name then you gotta come up with another name!” She threw her head back dramatically. “There are too many options.” 

“Boys… you’re gonna see pretty immediately why your mama has two Oscars.” Michael lowered his voice to talk to her belly as if she could not hear him. 

“Ummm why their mama is an EGOT… put some respect on my name in front of Malachi and Miles, please?” She grinned. “See? It just rolls off the tongue. Wow, I’m so good at this,” she mused, giddy as she took a long sip of her drink. 

Sometimes she finished it within seconds of Michael handing it to her, inhaling it so quickly that Michael was genuinely concerned, and others she held onto it to “savor” it. Tonight seemed to be a “savor” night. 

“Yes, you are. I dunno… I kinda thought it could be cute if we did your middle name for the other? You know… carry on something of your name too. But Malachi Bennett Jordan is a mouthful.” 

Tears welled up in Charlotte’s eyes causing Michael to smile and rub her leg. 

“Els… what’s wrong??” 

“That’s j-just really sweet… UGH these fucking hormones,” she pouted, hating how the smallest things made her start sobbing like a weeping willow. How did her body even produce this many tears?? “That’s super sweet of you, baby.” She shifted so she could crawl across the cushion and kiss him. She decided to just settle in his arms instead of returning to her spot, a content exhale escaping her. “My dad had two sons to carry on his name, he’s all set. I think it’s gotta be shorter. What about… Brooks? Malachi Brooks Jordan?” 

“I like it.” 

“Can we add it to the official list?” 

“Yes but… let’s pick one more back up.” 

“Michaellllllllll…” Charlotte groaned. 

She could tell he just enjoyed talking about it, putting names to these children who they’d been referring to as “the babies” 100 times a day. It did make them more real in her head, hearing them test out future names. She decided to indulge him, she loved Michael’s enthusiasm about all of these mundane and random aspects of pregnancy. He was not content with just sitting on the sidelines, he was active in every decision and step. How to decorate the nursery, baby names, the changes in their development week to week, the changes in Charlotte’s body, researching and buying every gadget and baby item that he thought would keep his future princes safe and sound and happy. 

One day last week, Charlotte literally burst into tears as she listened to Michael ask a list of 100 safety questions about the stroller they planned to buy. He was so excited about being a father, active and present and it just warmed her heart at every turn. 

“Fine but I need another milkshake, please?” She flashed him her signature puppy dog eyes, which had him up and in the kitchen before she could say please again. 

Pregnancy did have some perks. 

Tag List: @certifiedlesbianbaddie @bangtanxmegan @reelwriter19 @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @hi888888sworld @msniaimani @destinio1 @lynaye1993 @chaoticevilbakugo @blackerthings @pipsqueak-98 @miyuhpapayuh @passionxwrites @gopaperless @roguekiki @tythaitie

***

A/N: My brain sort of ran off with itself with this one lolol I just needed the fluff lol Thanks for reading!

[hwere]

Sydney and the winds of change.

Expanding on some thoughts of mine that I mentioned here.

Syd and Tina:

Starting with them ‘cause their friendship fills my heart with so much love and warmth.

Tina’s initial stance of animosity towards Sydney derives from the fact that not only she’s used to being the only woman in the kitchen, but the same generational fear as Richie: of being replaced by someone new, younger. When Syd arrived at The Beef, the crew viewed her as one of Carmy’s peers. While the others (Ebra, Marcus, Sweeps, etc.) seemed curious about her, Tina braced herself for the worst; she treats Sydney harshly because she believes that Syd – young and a professional chef – will either replace her or look down on her.

Sydney, though, viewed all of them as equals (except for Carmy). That is why it is so beautiful to watch Syd disarm Tina by complimenting her food and encouraging her to do better in the kitchen, instead of joining the dick-measuring competition. Syd showed Tina that there’s no need for competition; there’s room for both and they can be friends who uplift and inspire each other.

Later, we see Tina outright saying this to Ebra when he came back to the restaurant after going AWOL due to his insecurity regarding the school; passing down the lesson.

Syd and Marcus:

Their friendship has a different vibe since they’re closer in age.

Marcus feels inspired and supported by both Syd and Carmy to chase his dreams, to put himself out there, to experiment, to learn and to fail/make mistakes. Which is only possible because Syd’s goal and mindset is to provide this type of environment in the kitchen (“I think this place could be so different from all the other places we’ve been at. But, in order for that to be true, we need to run things different”).

In turn, he inspires her to be more considerate (“There was just a hat in it?”) and calm/patient (that’s the way he carries himself in general, which makes his outburst after being rejected so much worse), showing to her since The Beef that she’s no longer alone in her garage running a business all by herself, she has people to rely on now and that is fine to accept/ask for help.

Syd and Richie:

I do feel at times that he’s a bit of a misunderstood character. Of course, there’s no excuse for his actions towards Syd – that’s not even up for debate. His apology to her, as he did to Natalie, is overdue.

Like Carmy, he’s dealing with a lot: the end of his marriage and being a co-parent; the suicide of his best friend (which could be seen as some sort of betrayal, made worse by the fact that Michael left the shop to Carmy, not him); his creeping fear on being left behind, on old age and aimless existing under capitalism and all its implications (“I'm about to have this kid. I don’t wanna be wrapping up sandwiches for the rest of my life”).

He can be a massive asshole when he wants, but he’s not a bad person at his core (his strongest features are his love and loyalty). Most important: he can change. Watching him stepping up to offer Sydney help, after Carmy got stuck in the walk-in, meant a lot to me, honestly. He still has a long, long way to go, but he’s finally trying and opening himself up to learn (which doesn’t mean the road there will be clear and linear, as we glimpsed in the trailer).

It was Carmy’s idea to send him to Ever, but his growth was only possible because of Sydney’s positive influence all around them.

Syd and Carmy:

Then, there’s everything between her and Carmy. How they mirror each other at times; their parallels; yin-yang and all that jazz (I’m not about to recapitulate the entire show). The man said so himself and I couldn’t summarize better, “I couldn’t do it without you. I wouldn’t even wanna do it without you. You make me better at this.”

He wasn’t lying, though.

If Sydney never came back, of the two, one: either he wouldn’t even try to open The Bear – just use the money to improve The Beef (after all, his dream was to open a restaurant with his brother); or he would try, but for obvious reasons it wouldn’t be the same thing – with Syd around he didn’t think twice before slipping back to his old mentality and persona, imagine if she wasn’t around at all?

Carmy has spent far too many years working out of spite, chasing the approval of his brother, centering cooking as his life (something something porcupine dilemma something something the Berzatto curse). Sydney reminded him that there’s more to cooking than this (“I’d look at them like they were competition, like I’m gonna smoke this motherfucker / […] the deeper into this I went and the better I got. And the more people I cut out, the quieter my life got” vs “You love taking care of people / It is a partnership agreement, so that you can push me and I can push you”).

He gave her a second chance with The Bear and has been pushing her to be a better chef since before they met (“it was Carmy’s”) and also be more patient (both directly “Chef, it’s not ready yet” and indirectly [as in dealing with him and his bullshit]). But like Richie, he still has a lot of work to do with himself (as someone with similar mental issues: you have to put in the work to become better and you have to find healthy ways to cope with yourself and the world around you; mental illness explains some things, but doesn’t excuse them).

For their partnership to become perfect, they need balance.

And lots of love.

Sydney Adamu:

As to what makes Sydney so beautiful as a character: she’s so human and alive on our screens. She’s awkward, bit of an asshole/messy, creative and funny; eager and talented, but still harbors insecurities; isn’t afraid to speak her mind or stand her ground when necessary; although she doesn’t shy away from arguing/bickering, she’s not a conflict-driven person; her initial reaction is always to shut in, but if you know how to approach her, she’ll open up to you (as we saw so many times with Carmy); and she, overall, has such a beautiful heart (“Why can’t we put everything that we have into everything that we can?”).

As the seasons progress, we watch all those characters (both main and secondary) evolve and unravel right in front of our eyes. To me, that’s the beauty of The Bear and Sydney is right in the center of it.

[sleepingdeath-light]

myers’ girl ; 18

requested by ; anonymous (kinktober entry)

word count ; 1048

content ; sexually explicit content, public sex, vaginal sex, wall sex, rough sex, choking, possessive sex

fandom ; halloween / slashers

pairing ; michael myers (any) x cis female reader

read also on ; ao3

minors and ageless blogs will be blocked

Being known as ‘Michael Myer’s girl’ brought with it a great many unique experiences, both good and bad. Good, like people going to great lengths to avoid you on the street which meant that you had more than your fair share of personal space to do with whatever you wish. Bad, like the cashiers in the local shops refusing to look at you or otherwise acknowledge you as you buy what you need, making things much more uncomfortable than they ever ought to be. Good, like feeling safe no matter where you went or who you were with because the only killer in town was your boyfriend and nobody wanted to piss of the infamous ‘Shape of Haddonfield’. Bad, like people leaving all sorts of defamatory and insulting graffiti all over the five-times-repainted walls of your home: ‘whore’, ‘traitor’, ‘cunt’, and, of course, ‘Myers’ Girl’ (usually misspelled in a slightly different way each time it was written). 

Just calling your experience a mixed bag would be the understatement of the century.

But so long as you had your Michael by your side you found yourself (mostly) unbothered by the behaviour of your previously chipper and chatty friends and neighbours. He was all you really needed, after all… even if sometimes he thought you needed to be convinced of that yourself, which lead to some of the most enjoyable but mortifying moments in your relationship.

Moments like this.

—————

Your position was precarious to say the very least and had you been able to form a coherent thought you might have just complained about it: the palms of your hands were pressed flat against the spray painted, white panelled front wall of your house, the decorative wood rough and damp beneath your skin as you tried hopelessly to try and brace yourself against the slippery, splintered surface; your legs were spread as widely as they could go with Michael’s heavy boots placed on the inner side of each foot to keep them in place, the tattered remains of your knife slashed underwear and jeans just barely hanging on around your knees, exposing everything from your thighs to your midsection to the cool autumn air (and anyone who might walk past your home); one of his large, calloused hands was wrapped around your throat, thumb rhythmically caressing over one side whilst the rest of his fingers periodically tightened and relaxed, giving you just enough room to breathe whilst making it abundantly clear what he could do if he got the impulse; his cock, thick and long and hot, was pounding into your dripping pussy from behind, hips slamming so hard against your ass that had it not been for his harsh grip on your body you’d have surely gone flying whilst he filled and stretched you to the brink over and over again.

It was mortifying, humiliating, degrading, to be fucked so primally against your own home, the only thing separating you from the rest of your neighbourhood being some tall bushes and that feeble fence you really ought to replace. One neighbour going on a midday stroll away from being caught with your pants around your ankles and a dick stuffed inside of you whilst you drooled and whimpered like a bitch in heat — if they could even see you with Michael’s imposing figure looming over you, that is.

Not that that would make your reputation any worse, being ‘Myers’ Girl’ had already murdered your social life more than any act of public lewdness ever could, but it was more about the principle.

Then again you were much too distracted to bother thinking of anything beyond his hands on your body or his length stretching your cunt beyond what you thought possible. Too caught up in the feeling of that large hand wrapped around your throat as it tightened, and relaxed, and tightened, and relaxed, a warning so deliberate that even your pleasure-fogged mind couldn’t miss it. Too preoccupied with the wet slap of his skin colliding with your own as he pumped that thick shaft into your pussy with so much roughness and speed that you felt less like a partner and more like a glorified cock sleeve. Too engrossed with way his other hand groped at your chest and waist, keeping you in place and exploring what belongs to him at the same time whilst only making your mind fog worse and worse as you started to mount your peak. Too far gone to think as you lost yourself to the sound of his voice, rough and scratchy and quiet from lack of use, as he panted and grunted under that mask of his, the well-worn latex just barely brushing against your ear with each and every thrust.

It was too much and yet precisely what you needed, with every movement and sound pushing you closer and closer to the edge until, finally, something snapped and you were sent spiralling into a climax so intense that you’d have surely collapsed to the floor had it not been for Michael’s strong grip on your body. Coming so hard that your vision whited out and your senses were so overwhelmed that all you could do was call out for him, too far gone to notice or care how loud you were being as he continued to fuck you through your climax.

Not even altering his roughness as he went, not caring to make it easier on you as you started to straddle the line between overwhelming pleasure and overstimulating pain and your moans and whimpers turned into sobs and gasps. Only slightly loosening his grip on your neck to let you breathe better when you started to pant and wheeze for air. Only barely slowing down when you started to tremble and quake beneath him, giving you just enough change to stop you from being in too much pain without compromising on his own wants too much — but he didn’t stop, not for more than a second at a time, anyway.

This was about showing you who you belonged to, after all, and Michael Myers wouldn’t be content until the only thing you could say was his name — and until you were screaming it so loudly that even your farthest neighbours knew how proud you were to be his girl.

[trashogram]

It's even worse for Crimson as being a villain, he's completely wasted. Given how Moxxie acts, personality wise and the like, he has the ruthless side of him(with killing) yet he's intelligent and caring. You'd think these would come about due to his upbringing by both of his parents.

But then we finally get around to it and we see Moxxie's mom is dead and not recently either and Crimson....is a complete dumbass and also an asshole.

This would have been a good side story, to showcase that Moxxie comes from a grey morality family, which is why his personality is the way it is.

His mother is that kind and sweet caring figure, his father is that ruthless and hardass figure, yet somehow, someway the two still love eachother. I feel this also would actually add to Hell as far as the daily life goes and struggles between morality.

The Mafia/Mob, while obviously there's a bunch of assholes within it, that doesn't mean that's all there is to these guys. They wouldn't have gotten anywhere near the power that they had in the 20th Century, if they weren't smart about what they were doing, if they didn't have some sort of code or honor system. As ruthless as Mobsters can be, not all of them are assholes...for the sake of being assholes.

There are laws that had to be followed(different from policies that each Family may have had, so those varied between). Michael Franzese is a huge, good source on the Mafia life and it's a lot more complicated than one might realize.

Crimson comes across as a dumbass, because he didn't check Chaz' finances...when they were in his car, unlocked....on the property. He's head of the Mob and doesn't do the most common sense thing ever, checking someone out before you take their word at face value.

It also comes across as such, that this is somehow the ONLY way to get money. ...Crimson...my guy, HOW are you head of anything in Greed?

No one becomes the Head of the Mafia, if they are so stupid that they don't have fingers in the pockets of...just about everyone they come across, if they don't strategize and have many, many, many different ways of making money.

They introduce us to Crimson as if he's some big shot, with the huge house, the helicopter and all the goons....and yet all that is thrown away when we learn that he's in heavy debt. So how are you paying all your men? How are you paying for any of your supplies? But then they take it a step further with Crimson being a dumbass, by forcing his son to marry Chaz(who he hates) and is just taking the latter's word that he's rich....so you're not going to check the guy who you HATE and make sure he's telling the truth? Crimson you have no right to be pissed at Moxxie, for you being an idiot.

Didn't mean to go on this long spiel I guess, I'm just now worried for when we get into Hazbin...in how Angel's Mafia Family is going to be portrayed, especially when we know it'd at least be early 20th Century of when they were alive. Which means, they should be well organized and have significant power.

....Also Moxxie's mother deserved way better than being killed. I wanted her alive, there was so much potential to have this contrast between Millie's parents and Moxxie's parents and....we didn't get that. ...Also I WANT HER OFFICIAL NAME!

GIVE MOXXIE'S MOM AN OFFICIAL NAME!

Crimson is so deep in debt that he had to take out his brain and put it up for collateral.

It’s the only way to explain why he’s such an audacious idiot that I have to assume failed upward. Or we could blame it on the real problem, which is that Vivienne Medrano decided one day that she wanted to turn a gay wattpad fanfic into an episode of Helluva Boss regardless of how dumb the idea was and no one stopped her.

Exes and Oohs hurts my brain with how preposterous it is, dude. How does marriage work in Hell?? Why the fuck are there priests in Hell that can officiate marriages?!

As for Angel Dust — God, is being from a mafia family even part of his character anymore? Oy vey we’ll probably find out before we spend anymore time on Charlie in Hazbin Hotel.

(I’m gonna call Moxxie’s mom Marzia. It’s cute. Not holding out for the show to actually give her a name.)

[capitalisticveins]

What do you think would happen if david died in the car crash instead of gabe?

mass suicide/j

Warning: LOOOONG post

If David died a new beta would have to be chosen, and tbh I feel like Gabe WOULD also pick Asher bc 1. He was the closest to David and 2. Asher canonically is great at the security biz so his potential is immense. In no universe would Pissy Chrissy be Beta

Also the funeral…imagine the funeral

It’s said that the security business was never serious to Gabe so that wouldn’t go anywhere. they probably woulsn’t be picked for the E&E Games so you could only imagine what the security crew did during the Inversion, whether they protected people, ran away, shut the ward, or died out during the Inversion is subjective

Asher and Baabe met after Gabe died, and he met them while delivering paperwork for the security business. Idk if he’d be employed in the business if David died, so whether he ever meets Baabe in this timeline is also subjective

Angel was together with Michael for a little while after the accident, they’d still break up, but it’s much less than likely that they’d EVER meet anyone from the Shaw Pack in this timeline, and downright impossible that Caelum would interact with them and their surroundings since they’re not one of his charges. He might’ve picked up Gabe as one of his charges tho since he’d David’s dad and would obviously be grieving the loss of his only son

Milo and SH would probably be around the same as they are in the Omega timeline. Grieved for a while, mayne Milo would’ve grieved longer since David is a childhood friend, buuut overall almost everything would be the same

Here’s where I draw a blank.

In the Omega timeline, David is ride-or-die for Tank. He did all this detective work to find out that they’re not in Washington anymore, damn near hunted down Sam, scolded them, and helped them find Quinn and bring him to justice

Would Gabe do the same?

I doubt he’d do all the detective work David did, and he’d probably buy into what Tank told him (being in washington, quinn already being arrested, etc etc). He’d maybe brush over Fred and Bright Eyes being new members of the Solaire Clan, and would focus more on the pack

If my assumptions are right, Tank would send up with Sam being their only support system, Sam never taking to David, and Tank might, MAYBE, go off on their own to hunt Quinn, since they didn’t really listen to Sam all that much until they got together

Also, I don’t really even THINK they’d get together in this timeline. Sam and Tank became a couple bc Tank called Sam over after DAVID scolded them, because they wanted to apologize and believed Sam thought less of them after he learned about their backstory, and Sam wanted them to know he didn’t and told them his backstory and they spent the night together

They wouldn’t have spent the night together if David wasnt there to scold them, which wouldn’t have led to the confession in the morning, and if Sam didn’t confess later on, they would never have became mates 🙅🏽‍♀️

If this is a case there’s a chance Tank may have ended up dead in this timeline too

Back to the E&E Games, there’s a chance the security team chosen for the games wouldn’t have shut down the ward, which would end in WAY more lives being lost than just the 1.5k in the arena

If the ward DID get shut, there’s a chance FL and Gavin would have died since the pack were the ones defending Gavin’s mini-ward, and they’re not there defending it now

Also if the ward did shut, way more people would’ve died, since Milo was the one to bring down the ward, and was the one to convince Lasko to bring the people in DAMN to kill the Shades

Amanda and Christian might be together since Amanda only moved away bc of the Inversion kinda traumatizing her…but in the event that the security crew didn’t drop the ward…she’d still move away.

I think that’s it…maybe…

TLDR: Asher still beta, Inversion would’ve been WAYYY worse, Asher and Baabe would probably not be a thing, Angel is lonely. Gabe is lonely, Milo X SH is the only couple left, Sam and Tank is non existent as a couple, Tank might die, FL and Gavin might’ve died, Christian might still get laid

maybe

[doomzday-zone]

hey sorry it's me again (<- girl who needs to go to sleep) urrhm ok walks into ur office with a stack of papers it's me secretary over apologizer

anywah rum um um th hey hi so uh looks around can weeee talk about the really big theme of nowhere to hide in the book and the game interchangeably like um. um. hi. okay so I'm literally laying in bed right now complete darkness like oh wow the characters oh wow oh wow smacks into a wall face first. and um um

okay like I just feel like god this thing with like.. yeagh.. there really is nowhere to hide from your parents ❤ that's literally the ultimate thing being a child like you can't just LEAVE and that's actually such a scary ass theme and the way the house keeps getting put on more and more lockdown in the game is like This is so alarming ❤ BUT that doesn't happen (or isnt stated) in the book, the difference in the book since u havent read it is just that oz doesn't leave for a few days because he's scared and can hear the. the thing standing outside his door all the time and it's like (steps up to microphone) WOW I LOVE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LITERALLY NOT BEINF ABLE TO JUST LEAVE AND THE MENTAL STATE OF NOT BEING ABLE TO Just Leave um and the way you run out of places to go in the game is so like ohhfmygodd sorry it's just really good like the game feels like it's suffocating that boy like u gotta get out of here because soon there will physically be no exit !! and the way the hiding minigames work ooogg ooohhh hi hey um hi sorry this game is written so beautifully it makes me physically nauseous only good fnaf game ever. uh but the hiding games not being designed like traditional hiding mechanics in games like holding a door shut or something, but stuff like oh keep the spiders away because it feels more like SORRY KID THERE'S NOTHING THAT YOU CAN DO OTHER THAN SIT THERE AND PRAY havr fun!!! ob my god head in hands like You can try to stop the toys or not breathe so scared but you can't physically hold a door shut because you're too little 🙁🙁😞😞😞😢 this game is so alarming I hate it not really but it's like ohntmmgdos and and and and hi hey okay so more with nowhere to hide like

I said this in my insane tags on that one post but the way that every single adult is like Oh you're so fucking strange weird little kid causing trouble . like it's not only like he can't tell anyone because he'd sound crazy but the universe being predisposed to everyone not listening to children about anything ever is like I feel like I've been punched in the face thanks like directly in the jaw my teeth r on the floorrr

like ugh I h h RATTLES BARS

um and and and looks around :c I can say more things but I just yeagh..

YEAAAAAAAA ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEFUCMING. AHHHHHH !!!!!!! thats smth i REALLY REALLY like abt into the pit like you REALLY feel like ur put into the shoes of a kid here you can only do so much while trying and experiencing shit wayyyy bigger than yourself, n it just elevates the horror bc like, obv ur oarent/someone you love being replaced by an imperfect impostir is already a scary notion. n being a CHILD TOO????? like fuckkkkk man your options r dwindling. n the way kuds r treated in society n shit as well as eveything else, oswalds just a kid, hes in sixth grade like?????? how do you deal w this???????? theres a fucking EVIL ANIMAL in your house. the world is already si scary as achild w/o all this but yhis maies it ten yimes worse, AND your home isnt even safe either. the amount if stress n trauma this kid experiences in a work week is fuxking insane hashtag justice for ozwald gotdamn.

AD AND i still xant stop thinking about the fat like. oswald is forced to relive the trauma of the events n shit that transpired a freddys, from the child victims at the pizzeria, to Michaels and the crying childs in his own home. smth smth themes of generational trauma n whatever its insane my brian explodes into ten million bloody chunks.

n what u said abt the book..... man........ imagine being holed up in ur room for days in end bc of The Thing on the other end of the door. like LITERALLY FNAF 4 SHIT GODDD. oswald reliving the trauma of the entire fnaf franchise in five nights like: INSANEEE. CRAZYYYYY.

[lionlena]

Dancing With Your Ghost (JavierPeñaxreader) Part IX

Summary: You are a ghost (sort of) and you don’t  remember what  happened to you. You only know your name and you feel  that something  bad has happened to you. The only person who sees you  and hears you is  Javier, so you don’t leave him because you believe  he’ll help you. That he will solve the mystery of what happened to you.

Warnigs:  the reader was a ghost, angst, sadness, past trauma, mention of coma, mention of shoot wound, two idiots in love, violent, abuse...

A/N: Title inspired by this song

Part IX

If you thought things would change after you left Colombia, then... Things have changed, for the worse. Much worse. Ever since the memories of being a ghost came back to you, thoughts of Javier became even more intense. And in dreams, you saw not only his eyes, but also his whole face, and sometimes even his whole body. These dreams made you wake with a gasp, next to Michael, and wonder if you loved him. What made you even want to be with someone like that?

Michael wasn't a bad person, but he was always confused, disorganized, and easily irritable. He was like a baby.

And of course, he had no plan for your future lives. He just rented a small apartment and hoped that you would find a job because he kept getting laid off from his work. As if that wasn't enough, with the money you were saving for a better apartment, he bought himself a motorcycle and started hanging out with dangerous guys. You hated him more and more every day. You even started to think that being a ghost was better. You missed Javi and at times you really wanted to drop everything and go back to Colombia. You were pulling away from Michael more and more. You worked double shifts and sometimes you didn't see your boyfriend for days. You barely slept with him and you didn't want anything to do with his new friends.

One day when you came home, Michael was madly throwing your things into suitcases.

"What are you doing? What happened?"

"We need to hide somewhere for a while..." He looked at you and stopped what he was doing for a moment. "Just don't get mad. I got myself into some little trouble. You know, my biker gang buddies gave me some cocaine to store." You took a few steps back, not believing what you heard. "It was supposed to be an inauguration, you know, but..." He rubbed the back of his head anxiously. "I had a little party, lost some of this stuff, and now... I have to get it back somehow."

You felt like all the blood had drained from your face. Your boyfriend didn't seem to understand how much trouble he got you into. "What?! Can you hear yourself? You're in a drug gang and just... They're going to kill us!"

"Calm down!" he growled. "I'll get the money, buy back the cocaine, and everything will be fine."

You started pacing restlessly around the kitchen. "No... I don't believe it. Do they know where we live?"

"Well... I was here once with..."

You interrupted him by asking, "Do they know about me?"

"They know I have a girlfriend and what's your name."

You wanted to scream and cry. "You idiot! I told you not to go to that stupid bar and not to associate with those bikers!"

"I'm not a kid!"

"No, you're not! You're something much worse!"

Michael turned all red, grabbed a glass from the table, and threw it at you. He wasn't aiming at you, but the glass shattered against the wall, right next to your head. A piece of glass hurt your cheek. You hissed in pain and Michael immediately grabbed a clean kitchen towel.

"Oh shit! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

He put his hand to your face, but you pushed him away, hissing, "I'll take care of it myself. Finish packing."

He nodded and pulled away, and you felt tears roll down your cheeks. You were afraid. You figured gang people would do terrible things to you just because your boyfriend was a douchebag. You also knew that sooner or later they would find you.

You stayed at a small, dingy motel off the highway. Michael left you alone in a room and promised you he'd be back as soon as he got the money.

You were dying of fear and you knew that the only sensible solution would be to go to the police. You pulled a small piece of paper out of your wallet and grabbed the motel's phone. You didn't even think that the time in Colombia might be different. You needed to hear his voice and hoped that Javier would give you some advice.

*

Javier had just entered his father's house when his cell phone began to ring. At first, he didn't want to answer. He was tired, sweaty and all he wanted was a cold beer. However, some strange feeling made him pick it up.

"Javier Peña," he muttered.

"Javi..."

His heart started beating like crazy. It's been six months since he last heard you, but he would recognize your voice anywhere, and it only took one word for him to sense that something was wrong.

"Y/N, angel, what's going on?"

On the other side, he heard rustling and shuffling.

"I... I think I need your help."

And that was all he needed to hear, but you basically told him the whole story, and when you finish, he immediately said, "I'll be there in a few hours."

After he finished talking to you, he grabbed some clean clothes, two guns, and car keys, and all he said to his father was that he had to run some errands and didn't know when he'd be back.

*

When you heard his voice, for a moment you forgot about fear and about the danger that threatened you. When he called you "angel" you couldn't help but smile. You shifted position on the bed and grabbed the pillow which you pressed against your chest. You told him everything and he listened patiently. He didn't interrupt you or ask any more questions. When you were done, he asked you to give him the address and room number you were in, and then your heart almost jumped out of your chest when you heard the words, "I'll be there in a few hours."

"But, how? From Colombia?"

You heard his soft laugh and felt warmth spreading through your body. You loved that sound.

"I'm been in the US for a few months. I quit DEA and went back to my hometown."

"Oh..."

"Now listen to me. Close the curtains, lock the doors, don't go anywhere, and don't open the door to anyone until I get there. Okay?"

Fear returned to you as you heard his serious voice. "I understand," you replied in a shaky voice.

Javier immediately sensed the change in you and added, "Don't be afraid. Everything will be fine. I promise."

*

By the time you finished talking to Javier, it was early evening and you were sure you were going to have a sleepless night. You wouldn't dare fall asleep even if Michael were with you.

You tried to occupy your mind, so you went back to your time with Javier. You remembered how at first you got on his nerves and he got on your nerves, but over time you two developed a strong bond. And this despite the lack of physical contact. It was so amazing, but... Why did Javier give up on you? Was it just his work or something more? You thought back to your first meeting. You remembered what the doctor said about your accident and suddenly you understood. You sighed heavily. Maybe that's why Javier thought you wouldn't be safe around him, but you didn't agree with him. You've never felt so safe and at peace with anyone. You were going to prove it to him soon enough.

When you heard a knock on the door in the middle of the night, you were overcome with fear. You couldn't move but then you heard his voice.

"Y/N! Open up, it's me, Javi."

You immediately ran to the door and as soon as you opened it you threw yourself into his arms. You didn't care what it looked like. You felt all the stress leave your body. You buried your face in his chest and started crying. You felt his hands gently caressing your back. Javier was still holding you, but at the same time, he gently pushed you into the room and closed the door.

"It's okay, hermosa ." You pulled away from him a bit to look him in the eye, and then he immediately noticed the cut on your cheek. "That bastard did this to you?"

"No... He threw a glass, that shattered next to me and... He didn't mean it."

Your explanation did not satisfy him at all. He gasped and shook his head. You wanted to distract him somehow and asked, "Do you have a plan?"

Javier nodded and you sat on the bed and waited for his explanation.

"While I was on my way here, I spoke to the local DEA. Turns out they've had suspicions about this gang and their drug-dealing connection for some time. They warned me, that they are psychos." You curled up inside yourself and he immediately sat next to you and put his hand on your knee. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

You shook your head. "No, I'm sorry I dragged you into this."

"I promised I'd help you and you didn't drag me into this, I agreed to it. And Michael should agree to become a crown witness. It's the only chance."

You got out of bed and started pacing the room restlessly. "I don't know if he'll agree. He's so stubborn and stupid. I don't even know... I don't know where he is."

Javier got up and walked over to you. "To be honest, I don't care about him, but I'll make sure nothing happens to you." He touched your cheek and whispered, "You look tired."

"I wasn't sleeping... I was afraid someone from the gang would come here and..."

He nodded and led you to the bed. "Lie down, hermosa. Now I'm here and nothing bad will happen to you, I promise."

"But Michael..."

"I'll wake you up when he arrives."

You nodded and finally gave in to him. You were really tired and stressed. You weren't really sure if you could fall asleep, but Javier's presence was like a magic spell. As he sat on the edge of the bed, you immediately felt relaxed. You closed your eyes and fell into a light sleep.

He couldn't help but gently put his hand on your hip. He closed his eyes enjoying the feeling. You were alive, you were with him, he could touch you and he didn't need anything else.

In the morning, the sudden sound of a gunshot woke you from your sleep. You yelped in fear and jumped up. You started to breathe quickly and Javier's hands were immediately on your shoulders.

"Calm down, it's just some car's muffler."

"I'm sorry... Since you were shot... I..."

"It's okay. I'm fine. I just have a scar and that's it. I'm fully recovered."

You sighed heavily and whispered, "I'm sorry. It was my fault. If you hadn't been looking for my body..."

Javier immediately denied it. "No, don't say that..." He took a deep breath and decided to let out what was bothering him. "Your accident was my fault. You were hit by a car because I allowed my agents to chase bastard from Cali Cartel"

"I know," you replied calmly.

Javier blinked and shook his head. "How?"

"I connected the dots and discovered this."

He expected everything. Crying, screaming, insults, but not the calm and gentleness with which you looked at him. His heart began to beat three times faster and filled with hope.

"And you're not... You don't hate me?"

You smiled softly and stroked his cheek. "How could I hate you? It was an accident. You didn't mean it. You didn't mean to hurt me and you did everything you could to help me."

Javier grinned widely and wanted to pull you close to him and never let go. If only he'd known earlier that you'd forgive him. He would never leave you. He wanted to beg you on his knees that you leave Michael and go with him to a safe place.

Suddenly you both heard the sound of a motorcycle. Javier immediately grabbed his gun and looked out the window.

"It's him," he muttered.

What you felt was strange. You were glad that Michael was alive and not injured, but on the other hand, you felt annoyed. You just wanted to be with Javier in your little bubble. You looked at him and saw him staring at the door with concentration and anger.

Once your boyfriend got into the room, he stopped and hissed, "What's going on here? Who is it?"

"Javier Peña, I'm Y/N friend."

Michael narrowed his eyes and growled, "I recognize you, you were at the airport."

You took a step forward and tried to act calm.

"Javier was a DEA agent in Columbia. He'll help us."

"Are you crazy?!" he shouted, and you instinctively flinched. Fortunately, Javier immediately moved to the front.

"No! She's the only one, who thinks and acts sensibly," he growled. "Do you know who you messed with? Do you know how many morons like you ended up with a bullet in the head? These are not people who forgive mistakes. Even if you give them money, they will decide to punish you. Your only chance is to become a crown witness."

"I don't want to be a traitor," he mumbled and you rolled your eyes.

"You want to be dead?" Javier hissed.

"No," he grunted.

"So move your ass up because we're going to meet the DEA agents!" Then he looked at you and gently said, "You too, cariño ."

"But I don't know anything."

"It doesn't matter, they have to question you anyway, and besides, I'm not leaving you here alone."

You nodded and grabbed your bag. You avoided Michael's eyes the entire way.

As expected, your interrogation didn't last long. You really didn't know much about the gang, and Michael never told you the truth. Javier was waiting for you when you stepped out into the corridor. He looked at you intently and seemed nervous.

Javier didn't want to put pressure on you. He didn't want to force you into anything, but at the same time, he couldn't imagine losing you again. Not now, when his life was calmer, without violence, prostitutes, and constant threat. He wanted you to join him, but he didn't know how to ask you.

"What happened?" you asked. "Something wrong with Michael's testimony?"

He shook his head. "It's fine. They should finish soon and then..." He walked over to you and grabbed your hand. "Baby, you have to decide if you want to disappear with him. If you do, your life will change. You won't be able to contact anyone."

You swallowed and had to ask one question. "Even with you?" Javier nodded, and you've already made up your mind. "Do I have to disappear with him? Should I?"

"No" he replied and put his hand on your waist. "If you don't want to leave with him, I'll help you. I'll take care of you, I promise."

He was looking at you with those brown puppy eyes and it only took you a second to reply, "Then I don't want to leave with him. He's the one who screwed up and... Knowing him, he'll screw up again. But will I be safe?"

Javier smiled and leaned towards you. "You will be personally protected by a former DEA agent. You will be safe."

You smiled and nodded your head. You knew you had one last conversation with your ex-boyfriend, but with Javier by your side, you felt no fear.

As you'd expect, Michael reacted angrily, but Javier's presence kept him from showing it to you. And of course, he blamed you. On the way back to the motel, he sat in the back of the car sulking like a little kid. You wondered if this was his pathetic way of trying to convince you to stay with him. But even if he had acted like a man, if he had begged you and said he loved you, you would choose Javier.

The officers gave Michael fifteen minutes to pack, and you and Javier watched from some distance as he chaotically tossed his stuff into suitcases. Part of you wanted to help him, but you had enough of him. You kept helping him and what did you get for it? He left you when you were in a coma. He forced you back to the US with the promise of a stable life and made you vulnerable to the revenge of a drug gang. You realized that you didn't feel anything for him and you wanted him out of your life.

Michael set the last bag by the door and looked at you reproachfully. "And what now?"

"You walk out the door and disappear," Javier replied, but you knew your ex-boyfriend was expecting an answer from you.

"It's for the best. For both of us. Goodbye Michael" you said and didn't even take half a step towards him.

Michael was standing by the door looking at you with disappointment.

"You won't even say goodbye to me in the normal way," he said with a note of anger in his voice.

You shook your head, and he saw you move to Javier's side and hissed, "Bitch."

It was his huge mistake. It only took Javier two long strides to get close to him and hit him in the jaw with the butt of the gun with such force that Michael spat out a tooth. You yelped in fear but didn't move from your place. Javier grabbed your ex-boyfriend by the bloody shirt and held him so that their faces were inches apart.

"You're putting her in danger! You're risking her life! And now you're insulting her for not wanting to hide for the rest of her life. Because you are stupid and hang with bastards!" Michael looked at him with terrified eyes and didn't even move. You always knew he wasn't the bravest. "Listen to me carefully now." Javier lowered his voice to a whisper so you wouldn't hear him. "If you try to contact her, I'll find you. I'll use all my DEA, CIA, and FBI connections to find out where they've hidden you, and then... Then the lost tooth will be the least of your problems. Do you understand me?"

Michael nodded, and Javier pushed him out the door into the arms of the waiting officers.

"What happened to him?" one of them asked.

Javier just shrugged. "He tripped."

"By accident?"

"Something like that."

The man rolled his eyes and waved his hand. He knew there was no point arguing with someone like agent Peña.

"Thanks for your help," Javier said and closed the door.

He walked over to you and gently cupped your face. This was absolutely not the man who just knocked out your ex's tooth.

"I'm sorry about that, angel, but I wanted to punch him from the moment I saw your cheek. No one has the right to hurt you."

You smiled softly and felt a blush spread across your cheeks. "Alright," you murmured.

He moved away from you a bit and announced: "It's time for us to. Pack up."

You were surprised by his words, but deep down you expected it. It was obvious that you couldn't stay in the same city as a biker gang. Even if they didn't know what you looked like, you were still in danger.

"Where are we going?" you asked.

Javier looked at you like it was obvious. "To my hometown, Laredo. I promised to take care of you."

*

As you got into the car and all your bags landed in the trunk, you felt like you were a ghost again. It was like you had no past again. Everything was left in a small, dirty motel room. And yet everything was better because now you had a future ahead of you. You weren't sure yet what to call the relationship you had with Javier. But you were sure it was a strong bond.

*

Javier had to keep his eyes on the road, but he couldn't help but glance at you. When he noticed you were asleep, he pulled over to the side of the road and covered you with his jacket. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear and smiled. This little interaction with you made him so happy, it made him feel a little silly. You were his precious treasure, but he still didn't know if you would agree to stay with him. But that didn't matter. He knew he would always be ready to come to your aid no matter what.

*

And I'll run to you when the waters rise

And I'll run to you if the bombs ignite

I'll still call to you if I lose my sight

And I'll fall for you if you need a fight

 Using all that we can

Dominating all the land

Terrified it's going to end

How do we come back again?

Ocie Elliott -Run to you

A/N: I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did when I wrote it. And next domestic!Javi and SMUT.....

Part VIII

Part X

Taglist: @aestheticangel612​​​​ @kittenlittle24​​​​ @hxpburn76 @creedslove​​​​ @ranahx​​​​ @yyiikes​​​​ @fuglyputa24​​​​

[smp-live]

"Hey, Wil."

The few candles scattered around the shrine flickered in the breeze, their unsteady light sending shadows dancing across the lapis and gold. Moonlight from the near-full moon almost drowned them out, bright enough to read by and casting the potion bottles resting upon their stands in a silvery sheen.

Tommy stood, head bowed, with his hands stuffed in his jeans' pockets. They'd been shaking, earlier. Now they held still.

"Day, what, fifty-two, now? Something like that. Not like it fucking matters, does it." He kicked at a stray pebble. It scattered away, towards L'Manberg. "I won't be coming back here, anymore. Sorry. For leaving you alone."

"But I guess this was more for me than for you. 'S not like you can hear me, huh? Because you fuckin' left. That was smart of you. To get out while you still could."

"Don't worry. I don't blame you. Not anymore. We'll call it even, 'kay? You left me, and now I'm leaving you." He shuffled closer to the shrine with a weak smile that was quick to die, a light shrouded by a veil.

"I'm dying tomorrow, Wil," he said, and his voice cracked even though he'd already grown used to the thought. "I'm not- Fuck." And he let himself slide down to sit with his back resting against the lapis. It was cool, in the autumn evening air. Soon there would be snow on the ground.

And he wouldn't get to see it.

"It's not fucking fair," Tommy said, suddenly angry. He was still so, so angry. "It's not fucking fair! Why did it have to be us? Why couldn't we have just been normal? Been happy?"

"I just wanted to live, man. To not, I dunno, feel like this all of the time. I was so scared, Wil. I don't- And I'm not, anymore. And I thought that was a good thing, but I don't- I don't know anymore."

He tipped his head up to the sky, trying to soak in all the moonlight he could. This was the last time he would ever see it. The last time he would ever see the stars. Yesterday had been his last sunset, and in a few hours, his last sunrise, and he didn't know if it was worse when you knew it was coming or when it was horribly unexpected.

"At least it'll be over. It'll finally be over."

A pause. Silence, punctuated by soft breaths.

"I'm gonna be dying in the prison again. Not even somewhere new." He huffed out a dry laugh. "That fucking prison."

"And then... I'll be dead. Forever. Tubbo said it'll be like static, dying, so at least it won't hurt like last time, but... The after, Wil, that's what I'm- I'm dreading."

"But Tubbo can't know that. I'm the one who dragged him into this mess, and I... I feel so guilty. He could just be living like normal, taking care of Michael, and instead... he's wrapped up in all this." He buried his head in his arms.

"How did you do it?" It came out as barely a rasp. "How did you not- I think I understand, now, how you felt. In Pogtopia. This would drive me insane too, living with this."

"At least I won't have to. Think on the bright side, right?" A hoarse laugh. "That's what Tubbo wants to do. And it was so... frustrating, Wil, yeah? Because we're fucked. We're absolutely fucked, and he keeps insisting there's another way but I can't think about that, I just can't."

"I don't want to die. And... I know I've been in Limbo before, but fuck, man, I-"

"I miss you."

A sob tore its way out, tears running down his cheeks, and for the second time that day, he let himself cry.

"I miss you so much. It hurts. It was so bad in Limbo the first time and you just fucking- made it worse but I don't wanna be alone there-"

"And I know if you were here you'd tell me it was for the best or some bullshit like that but fuck, man, you'd know what to do. Or at least, you'd be a bossy little bitch and tell us what to do and I wouldn't have to fucking argue with Tubbo about the plan."

"It's the only way. You get that, right? I'm not being- being stupid, or short-sighted, or anything? Because I really wish this was one of those times."

Of course, there was no answer.

"Yeah, no. You're right. I have to do this."

He wiped at his tears with the palms of his hands. "Gods. They're fucking Gods, Wil. TommyInnit, God-killer, that's what they'll call me." He chuckled wetly.

"I lost your book, by the way. And the Discs. I'm sorry about that. I know you got them for me and I really do appreciate it, and I tried to keep them, but..." An inhale. "I couldn't do it."

"At least the Discs saved our lives, though. And- and you got them! You got them for me! So I guess that means you saved us one last time, huh? Thanks for that. Bitch."

"You probably wanna hear how they helped, but I- I shouldn't say that. I shouldn't be here at all, actually." He glanced warily around. "Someone could be listening."

But the only sound was grass in the wind, and howling stone from the caverns deep in the crater below. Even the creatures of the night were quiet, silenced by the oncoming winter and, perhaps, a sense of anticipation for the day to come. Or, if the universe had any sense of justice, in mourning.

"After all, I'm supposed to be in the prison right now. Or that's what they need to think." He picked at the frayed threads of his jeans. "And people talk. You know how it is - you're the one who taught me that."

A sigh. "I just wanted one last night."

He sat in silence for a while. Time enough for the moon to disappear behind a cliff and the constellations to turn their paths in the sky. Just a boy, eighteen in age but feeling much older, and a monument to his long-gone brother.

Eventually, he tapped his knees. "Well, I should get going. Long day tomorrow, and all." And he got to his feet.

He turned to face the shrine but all words died in his throat, so he simply rested his forehead against the cool gemstone the way he'd seen Wilbur do in a small stone room with a button in this very same location, what felt like an eternity ago.

"I- Goodbye, Wil. We said this already, but... I guess I didn't really move on. I kinda have to now, though, I guess." A laugh.

"Thank you for everything. I really, really wish it could've been different." A deep breath. "For what it's worth, it was fun while it lasted."

"I love you."

And then he turned away and stepped into the shadows, not letting himself glance back.

[galaxynajma]

How different Isagi ships would react to Isagi’s birthday

For isagi’s birthday I wanna do something silly and write some headcanons on how different some Yoichi ships would do to celebrate his birthday!

This was gonna have more than three ships originally but I didn’t have any ideas for them 😔 and didn’t want them to all feel similar

All of these will be short and hopefully sweet

Bachisagi:

Bachira is overjoyed by the fact that its his favorite person’s birthday today

He has the day planned out already . They’ll go to the park after eating breakfast. Walk around enjoy the scenery and then they enjoy a big picnic with Isagi’s cake ( that Bachira baked himself) for dessert!

there’s only one problem…. How will he wake Isagi up?

Bachira can’t be his normally loud self when waking Isagi up he has to do something special for his birthday!

After 5 minutes of Bachira just standing there staring at Isagi sleeping he finally wakes up on his own

Bachira panics a little and then immediately jumps Isagi . Downing the birthday boy with kisses and hugs

Isagi can’t think of a better way to start his morning than being bombarded by kisses from his happy little bumblebee 

Kaisagi:

Isagi woke up feeling a little refreshed and a little happy with the fact that it’s his birthday

But his mood immediately gets ruined when the first thing he sees when waking up is Kaiser in all his naked glory

" happy birthday Yoichi " Kaiser says in a sinfully tone with a stupid smile on his face

" Oh don’t look so pissed off already you know how much some people would pay to see the Michael Kaiser naked on their birthday? " the only thing Kaiser gets from Isagi as a reply is a side eye . Trying his best to keep his eyes at Kaiser’s face

" whatever. Today is all about you! Which is why I’m gonna take you out to spoil you <3 "Kaiser says with a big smile on his face… god Isagi wants to punch him so bad… with his lips

"Let’s get this over with " Isagi said trying to act more annoyed than he actually is

Isagi would be lying if he said he isn’t a little interested on what Kaiser has planned for them today

" what? Are we not gonna have some fun first " Kaiser teased adding a wink to make it worse

‘God I hate love him so much ‘

Isagi thought as he thrown the nearest pillow at Kaiser’s face

…

True to his word Kaiser does spoil him with going to the mall first thing and immediately going to the luxury brands stores in the mall

Getting shorts that are too short shirts that are too tight

the best part has yet to come

At some point they were in a fancy Japanese restaurant eating dinner when Kaiser suddenly pulled out a small red box from out of nowhere

" here’s your real birthday present Yoichi "

Isagi took the tiny box from Kaiser’s hand and opened it with a skeptical look on his face 

When he opened Isagi let out a little gasp at what the box contains 

Inside was a gold chained necklace with a beautiful blue rose at the end

" now we can match " Kaiser interrupted isagi’s thoughts as he looks at the necklace in awe

" since when were you so cheesy Micha" Isagi said with a smirk as he holds the jewel up to his neck

" oh shut up you clown you’re lucky it’s your birthday "

Isaness:

" are the pancakes up to your liking Yoichi?" Ness asked with his head slightly tilted " it’s the first time I’ve tried this recipe"

" hm what? " Isagi mumbled . He cant focus on anything with the piece of heaven in his mouth that is in the form of sweet warm pancakes 

" I asked if you liked your birthday pancakes " Ness giggled a little after saying that

" oh! They’re great! More than great they’re the best pancakes I’ve ever eaten in my whole life! Thanks Lex " Isagi’s voice still a little mumbled with his mouth full

Ness giggle a little more after hearing that . Happy to hear that his little Yoichi is enjoying his breakfast

" got any ideas of what to do on your birthday Yoichi?"Ness smiled with hearts in his eyes as he watched the love of his life absolutely devour his pancakes with no mercy  

‘ it’s crazy to think that two years ago I wanted to skin him alive ‘ Ness thought as Isagi downed the last of his orange drink

" OH! Well I actually don’t know .. " Isagi replied as he circled his finger around the rim of his cup

Well we can do anything you want today. I’m at your service " Ness said as he grabbed some napkins to wip Isagi’s face with 

" Lex stop " Isagi protested against Ness’s napkin assault on his face while giggling " honestly… you being here is enough already "

" OH" Ness’s eyes widened. He wasn’t expecting that response " re- really? "

" Yeah … Alexis you being with me is all that I could ever need . You don’t have to do something luxurious be in my service for my birthday. You’re all that i could ever ask for "

Ness was speechless. He was expecting for Isagi to say he wanted to go to an aquarium or a fancy dinner… not this … oh god he’s almost as red as the strawberries that were on Isagi’s plate

" actually.. " Isagi suddenly said making Ness’s thoughts pause " We could watch My Neighbor Totoro together. That’s what my parents did for me on my birthday

" of- of course! Anything for you Yoichi " Ness exclaimed

" Thanks Lex .. I love you "

" Love you too happy birthday Yoichi "

[starcrossedxwriter]

I don’t know if you’ve been asked this before, or if you’ve answered this, but has anyone ever asked Michael or Charlotte where the nickname Honeybee came from? I just thought of that and it tickled me cause how would they answer that with a straight face.

Ok I love this question and I hope you see this, anon! Sorry it took me sooo long but I wanted to write something out cause I thought this was so cute lol and to answer your question, they definitely didn't keep a straight face hahaha Michael's been on Graham Norton a couple times and his interviews were so cute and he is so funny so enjoyyyy!

***

“I’m very excited to have you both on the couch at the same time, Michael and Charlotte. Here to promote Creed III, which is in theaters next week. I’ve had you both here separately but this is a treat to have you both here,” Graham Norton offered, the studio crowd applauding the couple. 

“Thanks man, it’s always a good time here,” Michael responded, Charlotte nodding in agreement. 

“So Creed III out next week. Your directorial debut, which is awesome. Congrats to you, Michael. But I have to ask you, Charlotte, what’s it like being directed by your husband? Is that weird having him boss you around on set? Did you give him a hard time?” 

Charlotte laughed. “You know, actually it was pretty fun. Not sure how other people feel… working with their husbands but I loved it. You know we’ve been doing these movies and playing Bianca and Adonis for almost a decade. And as these characters have grown and evolved so have we and our relationship. So we have developed a short hand and ease on set with each other that made it easier. It also helps when your pillow talk is with the director,” she chuckled. “I kinda had an idea of the shots he wanted at times and could adjust to make sure I was doing my part to help him get it. Honestly, I just felt proud and so excited for my husband in real life getting to watch him achieve his dreams. I would just watch him sometimes on set and think 'damn, that's my man.' It was fun." 

“That’s really sweet. What’s the most annoying thing she did on set?” He asked Michael. 

Charlotte playfully raised her eyebrow as Michael rubbed his chin.

“You tryin’ to get me in trouble, huh??” He chuckled with a jokingly nervous energy. “Nah, she has always been like this but she is clumsy as hell - in character and in real life. So more than once, we'd get like a perfect take and then she'd just trip over like… air and we had to redo it."

Charlotte covered her face with her hand in embarrassment as Graham, the other guests, and the crowd laughed. 

“Is that true?” 

“1000%. I drop everything, I trip alllllllll the time. It’s pretty wild that it hasn’t happened more on red carpets and stuff honestly. And I break a lot of stuff too,” she added, her shoulders shrugging lightly. “I’m worse than our kids and we have twin boys so that’s saying a lot.” 

“Wow… so I imagine it’s gotta be weird giving feedback and getting it from your husband? How’d that go over?” 

“You know she’s pretty perfect so I never gave her anything other than glowing praise,” Michael interjected with his award-winning smile that had every woman in the crowd swooning. 

“Awww, that’s so sweet. And a complete lie,” Charlotte answered playfully, causing the entire crowd to laugh. “I will say, he was very good at giving constructive feedback but I could always tell what kinda feedback was coming just by how he addressed me.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, he never uses my first name. And we try to keep it professional on set so he calls me Els 99% of the time on set and at home. But if he had constructive feedback, he always called me honey bee instead of Els. It was like his tell. But yea if he pulled out honey bee, I knew it was to butter me up,” she laughed. “But the feedback was mostly positive.”

“Honey bee, that’s so sweet,” Olivia Coleman, one of the other guests on the couch added. 

“To be young and in love. None of the rest of us know anything about that,” Graham joked as the other guests had been married far longer than Michael and Charlotte. “I know Els is short for your middle name. Is there a story behind that nickname?” 

Michael and Charlotte shared a glance, Michael trying to stifle his laughter. However, Charlotte could not hide her own, immediately doubling over at the thought of sharing that origin story. They did not mind sharing details of their personal lives and relationship but that was one area they strayed away from.  

“I take it that story is not appropriate to share?” 

They both shook their heads as they laughed. 

“Nah, definitely not, definitely not. It started off as joke but then I liked it and it stuck,” Michael laughed. “That’s her name in my phone too.” 

“Meanwhile, he’s name is just Bakari in mine with a heart and ring emoji. He’s the romantic in this marriage.” She scrunched up her face playfully as he leaned over and pecked her on the cheek, causing a loud awww to echo through the crowd.

***

This was fun! Ask me more stuff like this, friends lol

[themultifandomgal]

Michael Gray- Time Travel Pt2

Thing haven't gone back to normal. Once again I get dressed and head to the Garrison. Michael is already at the bar with Isaiah

"YN hey"

"Hi. You both want a drink?"

"We'll have a beer each" Isaiah says

"Sure" I walk around the bar and start pouring them both a drink

"So where are you from?"

"Long way away" I say still so confused to how I'm here

"Ok?" Michael frowns "tell us about yourself"

"There's not much to say really. Well other than I think I've been reading about illnesses to much and now I think I'm the only who's ill" both Isaiah and Michael look at each other. I close my eyes and take a breath "sorry, I'm not good at meeting new people especially people I've heard about"

"I see. So you've heard of us then?" Michael smirks at me

"You could say that"

"So what we're you doing before you came to Small Heath?"

"Oh I was writing a paper about metal health and medicine"

"So people in the asylums" Isaiah frowns

"Yeah m, but where I come from that's frowned upon"

"Where's that then?"

"You wouldn't know" I hand Michael and Isaiah their drinks

"Are you still writing your paper?"

"I should be yeah, but I'm having a bit of writers block"

"Let us know if there's is anything we can do to help"

"Thanks" I watch the men walk into the back room leaving me alone. Will I ever get back to modern day or am I stuck here? I think to myself.

Days go by and I come to the conclusion that I'm stuck here in the 1920s. I walk into the Garrison feeling down

"YN, Tommy wants to see you in the back room" Harry tells me

"Oh ok" I frown and walk into the backroom. I knock the door and wait for Tommy to say

"Come in" I walk into the room nervously

"You asks to see me?"

"Michael tells me that your writing a paper on the brain"

"Errm yeah"

"The war fucked us all up. Fucked us up in the head. Can you help"

"Errm maybe, a little" I shrug "I'm focusing more on the asylums and how their forms of treatment aren't acceptable"

"How so?" Tommy nods to an empty chair. I sit down next to Michael

"Well PTSD is a real illness. As you call it, being fucked in the head, but you don't have to take hard drugs. Therapy work, not water therapy, or electric chair therapy, or what other forms of torture they do"

"So what do you suggest?" Arthur asks me crossing his arms over his chest

"Talking about what scares you, about what happened during the war. Finding ways to deal with it in a healthy way. Where I come from we have therapists, they help with helping the way you think. It's worth looking into"

"Huh. What else do you need to write about?" John now asks

"Well how drugs can effect the body and the mind. Cocaine, snow, they can actually make your PTSD worse. Men and woman are being put in these asylums for the silliest things. 80% of woman suffer with something called postpartum depression, they have to hide this because they are 'crazy' it's, it's..."

"Crazy" Tommy says for me

"Yes" I sigh "you keep asking me where I'm from and the truth is I'm from the year 2023. I'm at university studying to be a psychiatrist. I have a book about you guys, The Peaky Blinders and I was reading it before I fell asleep and now I'm in the year 1920 something" Tommy and his brothers frown at me confused "I know now I sound like I'm the one who needs to see a therapist, but the truth is I just want to go back home" the room is silent for some time

"Ok. I've got a deal then. You answer my questions and I'll answer yours"

"Errm ok"

"If your from the future, tell me, do we ever get caught for our illegal business?"

"Yes, yes you do" I sadly say to the man. I mean they're bad people, but over the last few days I've been able to see a side of them that's sweet.

I spend my evening chatting to the Blinders learning so much from them about what's going on in their heads. I answer their questions about their future.

I go to bed that night with a smile on my face.

When I wake up I'm on the couch with The Peaky Blinders book in my hand. I look around my room and everything is back to normal. I jump off the couch and find my phone on the coffee table. It's the day after I fell asleep. I quickly have a shower and get dressed before heading to the coffee shop where Emma is working

"Morning YN. Your hear early. Coffee?"

"Yes. Please" I stand at the counter top as Emma brings my coffee over to me. The bell rings and Emma looks up

"It's the guy again. 2 days in a row. Just go and speak with him" I roll my eyes and turn around but bump onto someone

"I am so so sorry" I gasp grabbing some napkins off the counter. Finally I look up at the stranger, he looks exactly like Michael Gray. Weird

"No it's my fault. Came up a little to close. I'm Michael Grey" I frown at the man

"Do you so happen the be related to the Peaky Blinder Michael Grey?" I ask

"Yeah" the man chuckles "he's actually my great grandfather"

"No way"

"You know about him"

"Yeah" I laugh "I've read up on the Peaky Blinders. It's almost as if I knew them personally"

"Would you like to grab a coffee? My treat"

"Sure" I smile and turn back around to ask for Emma to make us a drink. She gives me a wink before getting to work.

[crossdressingdeath]

I really hope that TSatS features Nico and Will having so many issues around being complicit in Octavian's death, and Nico in addition having so many issues around killing Bryce. On Octavian's end these are children complicit in a gruesome death; necessary or no, that sort of thing's going to stick with them! Especially since as far as we see they never tell anyone about it (Nico might have told Dionysus during their therapy sessions, but as far as I can remember that's not confirmed), which means the only people they can discuss the whole thing with is each other. ...Or I guess Michael Kahale—assuming he's still alive post-ToA, since that's not actually confirmed—but I feel like the understanding between him and them is probably that they Do Not Acknowledge It, assuming they ever see each other at all. Anyway. I'm sure being able to share the weight of what they were part of between the two of them would help, but... well, sharing the burden of being a teenager traumatized by your part in a brutal death with another teenager traumatized by their part in said brutal death is only going to do so much. And I feel like more specifically the fact that Will is a healer would make the whole situation so much worse for him; knowingly standing by and letting someone die knowing he could easily save them would be hard for any hero, but for someone who's dedicated to healing people? Yeesh.

And of course on top of that... Bryce's death is a really cool and dramatic scene that goes way harder than I'd expect a children's book to go, but it's also absolutely horrific. Partially because Nico turns him into a ghost with zero sign of hesitation and that is so much, but I feel like for Nico partially because he doesn't remember it. Like, the fact that he has no memory of killing Bryce gets glossed over in BoO, but he turned a guy into a ghost with no hesitation or mercy and he doesn't remember. He was really angry at Bryce for threatening Reyna, and the next thing he knew the guy was dead (and he'd been knocked out for three days). He has no idea how he did it or even what he was thinking at the time! He was either out of control of his own actions or he wanted to kill Bryce, and he has no way of finding out which. That would be a terrifying thought: either he's a willing murderer (while him killing Bryce was to save Reyna and Hedge and I fully agree with it, it was absolutely murder in a way Octavian's death isn't, Bryce was completely powerless and begging for mercy by the end there) or his powers can hijack his body and push him into doing things that he would never do of his own free will, and he'll probably never know which. Which does beg the question of if anything could set him off like that again, which I feel like is something that would weigh on Nico. I'd love to see him admit that he's actually really scared that something will push him over the edge again and either he'll lose control of his powers and kill someone else or (possibly worse) discover that he was in control when he killed Bryce and did it because he wanted to. Now, I don't think Nico could turn someone into a ghost just like that, my theory is that it was only possible in Bryce's case because Bryce was threatening someone he loved using a closely held secret (which Nico understandably took rather personally) and, more importantly, he was halfway faded out of the living world already; I doubt he could've done it if he hadn't been mostly full of darkness already or if he hadn't been overwhelmed with protective fury at the threat to his dear friend. But whether or not Nico knows that is unclear; I can see him being terrified at the very thought that it's possible that he could snap and kill someone again.

Basically given how TSatS seems like it's going to be largely about All The Trauma, it would feel like a huge failure on Rick's part to not go into how being responsible for Octavian's death absolutely would've fucked Will and Nico up, and also how directly killing Bryce absolutely would've fucked Nico up. If I'm remembering right, setting aside Luke's death—Percy and Annabeth supplied the weapon he stabbed himself with, but I wouldn't call them complicit in it the way Will, Nico and Michael are complicit in Octavian's death since it was entirely Luke's decision in the end—Will and Nico (and Michael Kahale but he's not important currently assuming he's even still alive) are the only protagonists knowingly and willingly complicit in another demigod's death, and Nico is the only protagonist to actively kill another demigod! I can accept them not talking about it in ToA, since "Hey, we're super fucked up from the deaths we caused/played a part in and we don't know what to do about that because we're kind of sort of murderers before the age of eighteen and that's really not the sort of thing you just tell people" isn't something to drop on Will's suddenly-sixteen-and-mortal godly father without warning during a serious crisis situation and I can't see anyone they might have told about it off-page spilling the beans without permission either and when it happened Apollo was already in deep shit and so probably not paying a lot of attention to what his kid was doing, so our POV character wouldn't know about it and wouldn't find out (I know he's aware that Octavian's dead, but unless I'm forgetting something—which is. entirely possible, I should reread ToA—he doesn't know the part Will and Nico played in it). But if it doesn't come up at all in the book told entirely from their perspectives, I'm... honestly gonna be pretty pissed!

[shallowseeker]

I think it is being right so often that devastates Dean the most, if you think about it.

It makes being wrong hurt so, so, so much more. (No one's going to be right all the time, after all!)

Like Cas's being brought back by God provided fuel for Cas's sense of hubris, Dean's consistent ability to read people, identify their motivations, and make judgment calls is what grounds him.

It's when he makes a wrong move that triggers every one of his downward spirals. In season 9, he says, on making decisions that "He's so sick of making the wrong one."

DEAN: Hell, maybe I still don't. But, uh... I know I took a piece of you in the process, and for that...[DEAN struggles to say the right thing. He finally just vents] Somebody changed the playbook, man, you know? It's like what -- what -- what's right is wrong and what's wrong is more wrong, and... I just know that when... When we rode together... [He pauses, looking for the right words.]

(9x12)

Dean's life has rendered making wrong decisions incredibly painful. Almost intolerable. (Especially since so many of his decisions have been so high-stakes!)

///

Then in later seasons... it gets worse.

First, there was "choking in the fight against AU Michael" in s14

(14x09)

And then s14-15 hits even harder. It's a painful, emotionally devastating setup that results in Dean trusting Chuck and going whole-hog on the whole "God says so" thing.

It's the opposite of everything Dean's ever stood for:

(14x20)

///

Then he spins straight into denial, oscillating between that and anger.

(15x01)

///

And when Belphegor arrives, he pitches into bargaining, too, experiences multiple phases of grief simultaneously. (It's in the script only, but a close reading shows that the next few episodes underline that THIS is the deal with keeping Bel around.)

(15x01)

///

This gives Dean perhaps his heaviest dose of Nihilism yet, effectively rendering him as s4 Cas, "I don't know if you passed or failed here," with Dean saying, "He doesn't know what's God, what isn't."

In Golden Times, Dean is described as "fatalistic."

(15x05)

//

(15x06)

Yeah. I'm always thinking of s15 Dean being so untethered that he reads very as a parallel with early seasons Cas!

I can't find the line in the scripts, but I know one of them in s15 references Dean feeling like his "life work is a hoax."

///

Dean and Cas have spent large parts of their respective lives being either Right or Righteous(TM), especially considering Castiel's incredibly long military history.

Yet in season 10, Cas says this:

CASTIEL: Yes, well, um… Before, I was very self-assured. I was convinced I was on this righteous path. Now I realize that there is no righteous path. It’s just people trying to do their best in a world where it’s far too easy to do your worst.

(10x04)

It's about trying to reconcile your own righteousness with the world, with where you are going to centralize the locus of your morality (i.e. family) in a world whose food chain spirals down so hard that following it will drive you mad if you're not careful!

The theme of righteousness becomes a poughkeepsie word as early as 4x07:

SAM: I just… I mean, I thought they’d be righteous. DEAN: Well, they are righteous, I mean, that’s kinda the problem. Of course there’s nothing more dangerous than some a-hole who thinks he’s on a holy mission.

That is where Dean fins himself in s15, I think. Grappling with what he will choose.

We see how he's grappling with it in s15, but he by no means really recovers in s15 (this is why we need ONE more season):

DEAN: Trust me, uh, bigger doesn't always equal better. Besides, who's gonna look out after the little guy? God certainly isn't.

//

LEE: You don't, Dean? I am you. I'm just you that woke up and saw that the world was broken. DEAN: Then you fix it. You don't walk away. You fight for it.

The funny thing is that Lee echoes a of "I am you's" that AU Michael does. Like characters before him Cain ("you're like me, Dean") and (Crowley "see what what I see, feel what I feel") and Chuck ("the ultimate killer"), Lee is trying to pigeon-hole Dean into being who he thinks he is, something nihilistic and inhumane.

LEE: Ohh. All right. I'll be damned. Why do you care so much, Dean? DEAN: Because someone has to.

(15x07)

Dean fights back against these roles. He fights for his own heart, for his sense of CARING about the little guy.

Maybe it's not about being righteous but letting go of the idea of righteousness.