#the other thing that went poorly with the art was that i just couldnt do blood properly

[yarichinbokutoclub]

The train was packed. Who knew so many people would be milling about at 1 o’clock on a Wednesday afternoon. You hated it, being around so many people, but with your job at the museum you had learned to tolerate the crowds. This, however, was different, you were crammed in a tiny cabin with God knows how many other people. Don’t these people have work to do? It is a week day after all. So, to put things lightly, your day did not start off on a good note.

           You were, however, looking forward to the Café’s opening. It was your light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. With the café being a bit of a hole in the wall and lacking any media presence you knew it would not attract much of a crowd. The perfect place to work on your botany journal (basically just a journal with different plant clippings and facts and drawings. Think Hiccup’s journal in HTYD or Deku’s journal in BNHA.) You were really looking forward to the new pages you could add now that the museum had gotten in some new flora, that of course they let you be the first to see. The journal was a great help when you were giving tours as you wanted to be as thorough as possible in hopes that you might inspire a bright young mind, like what had happened to you so many years ago.

           The train finally came to a stop and you couldn’t have been more grateful. You got off as quickly as possible and stopped to take a deep breath, really appreciating the fresh air and the open space around you. After you got your bearings, you adjusted your outfit (gotta look good in case there are any cute boys at the café ;)) and got on your way. The café was only about 5 blocks from the train station so it didn’t take you long to get there at all. You turned off the main street onto a little side one, almost like an alley, and towards the end you saw the café.

           The vibe was immaculate. It was everything you could have wished for and more, no crowds and books everywhere, what’s not to love? Taking a deep breath to prepare yourself, you pushed open the front door. A small bell above you jingled to signal your arrival and you were immediately met with not only the eyes of your best friend, Yachi, but also a pair of wide yellow eyes which seemed to be taking in your appearance. Blushing, you tried not to think much of it and made your way to the counter and greeted the cute barista that you knew so well. “Yachi!!! You look so adorable in your apron.” you exclaimed upon getting to the counter, mindful of your volume of course. “Y/n, you actually came!” Yachi replied with a big grin.

“I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to check this place out and bug you on your first day. ;P Speaking of, how has it been, any rude customers yet?”

“It’s been a lot slower than we would have hoped but everyone has been really polite, I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better first day. Anyways, I should probably get back to work. What can I get you? I’ll bring it to your table when it’s ready.”

Yachi, always the positive one and a hard worker too. Scanning over the menu you quickly make your decision. “I’ll have a hot caramel latte and a blueberry muffin! Oh an make sure you do something extra cute for the latte art!!”

“Only the best for you, y/n! I’ll have it right out!”

           With that you made your way to a table near a window so you could attempt to people watch without being near any of the other patrons. It was a quiet corner just the way you liked. However, you could still feel those big yellow eyes on you. Looking up you finally made eye contact with the man who had been staring you down and boy was he cute. You could tell he was athletic too, giving him a curt smile you turned back to your table and pulled out your journal. Maybe this could be where you find your wattpad romance after all. Or so you thought.

           Yachi brought out your order and you got to journaling about the newest flower in the museum’s greenhouse, the Cytandra Vittata or Candy-Striped Violet. Particularly excited about this one due to the flower’s incredible beauty and unique petals, you made sure to put extra care into the pages. You were having a great time, the coffee was amazing and the atmosphere was perfect for getting your work done. That is until HE decided to stop staring at you and go back to reading his manga. Whatever it was, it must have been incredibly interesting because he was… engrossed to say the least.

           Not only did he seem to zone everything around him out, forgetting where he was, but he also felt the need to verbally or physically react to just about everything that was happening in his childish story. He was annoying, sure, but not loud enough to where he could be considered “disturbing the peace” even though he was certainly disturbing YOUR peace. Every two seconds there was an “oooh” or an “ahhhh” maybe even a “WHAT?!” thrown in there. Your patience was certainly running thin and you made sure to glare at him a few times, even hushing him along with the other patrons, but he just was not getting the hint. The next page must have had a huge plot twist or surprise thrown in there because this response, it was the most dramatic. Abruptly, he stood up out of his chair, knocking it to the ground in the process. His eyes were even bigger than before (was that even possible?) and he yelled (yes, this time it was a yell). His exact words were “NO!!! IT WAS HER BROTHER ALL ALONG?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!.” Spoilers, am I right?

           At this you had had enough. Sure, you didn’t like confrontation, but it didn’t seem like anyone else was going to step in and you knew Yachi would be a nervous wreck if she had to. So, you marched over to his table with the most aggressive scowl you think you have ever sported on your face.

“Are you trying to piss off everyone in the store?! Because you’re doing a really good job if that was your plan!” You screamed at the stranger’s face.

He looked up at you confusion written all over his face. “…Huh?” he questioned.

“Are you trying to tell me you have no idea what you’ve been doing for the past 30 minutes?? Because I don’t buy it. You’re being incredibly loud and rude and you need to stop. This is not the place for that. Some people are trying to get work down and you’re making it incredibly difficult. If you wanna read your manga fine do it but do it quietly. Save the theatrics for your bedroom.” you weren’t trying to be mean but you couldn’t help it. Once you start talking you can’t stop yourself and this time you went a little too far. His hair seemed to deflate, something you certainly didn’t miss because was that even possible?

“I’m sorry miss, I didn’t realize I was being so loud I’ll try to quiet down.” He replied with a huge pout on his face.

“Thank you.” You replied and promptly turned on your heels to go back to the violet you were so excited to study.

           Everything was going smoothly now, sure you didn’t mean to be that harsh and you could’ve asked him nicely but your anger took over and you couldn’t help it, though you did feel a bit bad. It certainly didn’t help that your day had started out as poorly as it did and you were so looking forward to the peace and quiet of the café, something that had been so rudely ripped away from you. Another 15 minutes passed by and the silence was amazing, you made some real progress in your journal, even completing a detailed sketch of the flower. After the 15 minutes was up however, the reactions started to seep back out from the yellow eyed man again. He seemed to be over his pouting now. His reactions, although much quieter this time were still quite annoying. You decided to ignore them though, thinking you had been a little too harsh the first time around, and hoping he just slipped up and will go back to being quiet. This, however, was not the case and the disruptions continued for another 10 minutes when you decided you better just leave. Fate is tricky and maybe you just weren’t fated to be at the café today, meaning you’ll try again tomorrow after work. You said your goodbyes to Yachi and made your way to the train station, looking forward to the peace and quiet of your apartment and the soft cuddles of your two cats, Kyo and Tohru.

           What you didn’t know, was that Yachi, deciding it was time to be bold, went over to the loud and excitable customer. She decided it best, for business and for her own sanity, if she politely asked him to leave. And she did just that. The man apologized and made his way out of the café feeling a bit defeated but determined to come back again and next time hopefully not get kicked out.

fear & love

4. series of unfortunate events

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masterlist

PLOT - y/n is in her first year of college at tokyo u., she has a great friend group, a fantastic internship, life is good… that is until she meets bokuto koutarou. this loud and brash volleyball star is about to turn y/n’s life upside down. the question is, will it be a good change or a bad one?

a/n - Im gonna be honest, not really loving this fic but I am pretty happy with how this chapter turned out, as always any advice is welcomed and pls if there's anything you want to see happen just ask!

taglist (open, send an ask) - @dumbb1tc4 @fleurishnblotts@coffeeaddictedmay@bigchaosenergy @noliamallpayne @evan-rose​ @bokutowo​

BOLD COULDNT BE TAGGED

[pbandjesse]

I am chilly. But I am wearing two sweaters and Im hanging out on the couch and Im feeling good. Today was a nice day off. I wish it was longer but I still had a good day. 

Last night was tough though. After I did my post I had my workshop and that went well. But it was a really hard night after that. The theater show went so poorly. A child ran on stage and broke some stuff. Someone accidentally turned off the master lights and I didnt know what was happening and the whole thing was just. Really bad. We didnt even come out from behind the stage we were all so embarrassed. And the kids werent being nice, the little kids were but the big kids were being terrible. So that made the night. Not ideal and I was pretty upset when James came and got me. 

He made me a sandwich before we went to bed. I didnt slept so great. I woke up a lot. And then at 830 I was up and very much didnt want to be. But for most of the previous hour the sun was so bright and hot and I was so upset about it. James put a bed sheet up and that helped. But I am going to have to pull out the black out curtain I have somewhere. Im not sure where they are but I have them somewhere. 

James left for work and I laid there for a while. But I had stuff to do. I needed to deep clean in here. And I wanted to dye my hair. So thats what I did first. Brushed the dye into my hair. And started cleaning. The vaccum wasnt charged enough so I just worked on other cleaning thing for a half hour until I could start rinsing my hair. 

Rinsing in cold water in rough. But I did that as long as I could. Then took an actual shower. I like late morning showers because the sun comes in the window so nice and makes it pretty. But soon I was clean and dressed with half dried hair. And ready to go out.

I was in a weird mood. My face has a rash again and it hurts. So I wanted to get something to help that while I was out. 

I got upset with google because it took me the toll route on the GPS. Even though I said not too. I wouldnt make that mistake on the way home. 

I got to target. I stuck to my list! I did buy one little wall hanging. But everything else was on the list and that was excellent. I had trouble finding hand sanitizer though and was getting upset about it. But eventually I found it and was ready to go home. 

I stopped for a sandwich. I waited until I was home to eat. When I got back here I unpacked everything and had my food and felt kind of tired. But first I cleaned. 

I did the bathroom. And I vaccumed. I made it nice in here. I fed the frog and moved the second clutch of eggs my snails have produced. Its a lot more eggs this time!! I still dont know if they are going to hatch but they made a very weird sound when I moved them. So well see. 

I eventually did lay down. But I didnt sleep. I just watched a video and played animal crossing. I dozed a little. But I felt stressed about people coming over to play DND. So I couldnt rest. 

I got up at 330 and kept cleaning. Organized. Tried to fix the table leg of the coffee table in James's room. I moved the furniture around to make more space for chairs in the living room. Moved that table in here so we could play easier. And then James was here!  Hello James. 

He told me about his day while I put my furbies back together. And the Gaby was here! And other friends came too. Still not the whole group but we still had fun. We got fae gifts from the merfolk and I am now cursed to talk in rhymes. Which I dont know how to do so Im a little frustrated about it. But I have a few weeks to try to come up with more of a plan. 

We played for two hours and then everyone started heading out. Kaitlyn and Gaby stayed behind a little and I showed them some art and toys and stuff. It was fun to have people here. But I was glad to have some time alone again. 

Soon James was home. I was making dinner. I made ramen with mushrooms. And it was very good. But now we are sitting in the living room. I am going to go wash my face and play animal crossing for a little and get some sleep. 

I have a good long day tomorrow. I hope you all sleep good and stay healthy. Goodnight. 

[weasleyimaginewheezes]

George x reader / Studying

Request: Hi! Can I ask for oneshot with George and female reader studying together and due to fact that he is older than her he helps her with things she doesnt understand. He has huge crush on her so she is watching her and admiring her while she tries to remember all the stuff she learns. And in the end he couldnt help himself and kiss her when she is extremaly focused on repeating spells. Thank you in advance! (From anon)

A/n: Another request fulfilled! Thank you so much for requesting anon, I hope this fic is okay. I’m trying to space out my writing so I can plan more carefully and so I’m not writing late at night 😊 I just want to thank @rochelle-the-ravenclaw for being so sweet and caring, honestly thank you lovely it was really nice of you <3 So for this fic reader is one year below the twins and is very stressful with exams (because that’s exactly what I’m like). Just cute, quick fluff 😊 Feedback encouraged, Requests still open and most of all enjoy! (Honestly couldn’t think of a better title)

Word count: 2.1k+

Warnings: Swearing

“UGhhhhh!”

George looked up in time to see a book spiralling towards his head, he dodged it quickly before looking at where it had come from. And there he saw Y/n, sitting alone at the back of the common room looking close to ripping her hair out.

Y/n was Fred and George’s best friend, although in the year below them, she had so much fire and mischief in her that the three of them had quickly formed a bond after she had pranked their younger brother in her second year. Ron’s neon green hair didn’t turn back to red until a month later. Something which the three of them still tease him about.

Y/n was usually a rather happy person but she always strove for perfection. That’s why when it was exam season, it was probably best to stay at least 5 feet away from her at all times lest you be hit by a book or two. Fred got poked with a pencil once after he’d made jokes about her being boring and studying all the time.

Fred gave one look to her and shook his head, immediately seeking cover in his dorm room. George however, couldn’t stand to see his best friend this way. “Hey Y/n.” He tentatively stepped closer as her head shot up to meet his eyes. Her own were red and looked tired.

“What?!” She snapped before looking guilty at George’s taken aback look and sinking her head into her hands with a groan. “Ugh, I’m sorry Georgie. I just- fucking. Hate. Exams.” Y/n emphasised the last three words with the sound of ripping paper as she tore up her notes. George’s hand closed over her own to stop her. 

“Hey.” He immediately fixed the notes and Y/n looked partially relieved as she realised what she had been doing. “Maybe you should go get some sleep, I can help you tomorrow if you want?” Y/n scoffed a laugh loudly prompting some stares.

“Sleep?! What good is sleep going to do? Every hour I sleep is an hour wasted from studying.” She pointed her finger, almost as if to prove she was right. George nodded knowing arguing was pointless. “Plus, you help me? You don’t even study for your own exams.” She scribbled some more notes with intense concentration missing George’s hurt look. Her eyes were straining from being kept open so George did what any good friend would do in that moment.

She didn’t even notice as he walked behind her chair and breathed a heavy sigh which meant ‘I’m sorry but this is the only way.’ He raised her up under the armpits. Unfortunately, it did nothing more than tickle her as she swatted his hand away with a poorly stifled giggle but it did get her up out of her seat. Y/n went back to glaring at him for the distraction and he just smirked.

“George whatever you’re doing or planning on doing – please don’t.” Her words were sharp and warning but since when did George ever listen to anyone? He lifted her by the waist, up over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift. Y/n immediately began to protest and hit his back with her fists, everyone in the common room had turned to watch but George paid no attention as he carried Y/n up the stairs to the 5th year girl’s dormitory only stopping when he reached her bed.

She glared harder at him as she laid down on her bed but it wasn’t long before the comfort of her bed took over her senses and she was dozing slowly off into sleep. George smirked and dusted off his hands before going downstairs to learn some of her material so he could help her study.

Normally, George wouldn’t have put extra effort into relearning things he didn’t need to know anymore but Y/n was worth it. He also felt he needed to prove to her that he was more than just a jokester, if that’s all she saw him as then there would be no hope of finally getting her to go out with him.

See, George had recently realised that he had a rather large crush on Y/n. He didn’t know how he hadn’t seen it, he was constantly talking about her (as Fred would point out) and if it wasn’t that he would think about her. In the common room, his eyes always managed to drift to where Y/n would be and when he was playing quidditch he’d always look for her face in the stands, he’d also always wait for her to come and congratulate him with a hug, his heart pounding as she did so and him wanting nothing more than to kiss her. Of course, Fred knew before he did and it seemed many others had figured it out, all except Y/n that was.

The next morning at breakfast he sat with her as she ate, she was once again hunched over a textbook reading intently. He noticed it was defence against the dark arts and smirked. “What spell would you use to block an attacking spell?” Y/n’s head shot up with a quizzical look on her face.

“Protego.” She answered slowly but without hesitation, still heavily confused as George nodded.

“Okay, what-?” George was happily continuing before Y/n cut him off.

“George, what are you doing?”

“I’m helping you study.” His answer was so simple and quick that Y/n felt taken off guard. No one ever offered her help because she typically turned into something of a Godzilla with exams but as she looked at George’s smiling face, she couldn’t help but feel the complete opposite to Godzilla. She smiled back and George took it as a good sign to continue.

They spent the entirety of breakfast sitting and studying. George noticed that Y/n was smiling through every question and he knew how hard it was for her this time of the year with the pressure from her parents and the professors. He was glad that him and Fred had never felt that and that gave him an idea.

“Hey how about we take a break and then later on I’ll teach you my techniques for spells.” Y/n looked hesitant at his suggestion but after he winked at her with that godforsaken smirk, how could she say no? Plus, she could do with a break, then again if she had known that the ‘break’ entailed a prank she wouldn’t have even hesitated to say yes.

Her and George panted as they ran away from the ‘scene of the crime’. “That was bloody brilliant!” George’s voice sounded amazed that they had just pulled that off. They had turned the floor outside of the Slytherin common room into fake lava that was actually just orange jelly. Y/n laughed along and agreed, thankful for the distraction but knowing she had to get back to work. George began to follow her up to the common room just as an angry Slytherin yelled from the dungeons. Y/n took a hold of George’s hand and started running away from the yells.

As soon as they were far enough away they stopped, panting heavy breaths which soon turned into laughter. George thought that Y/n might have let go of his hand but to his amazement (and joy) she didn’t, if anything she held on tighter as they walked back to the common room.

They sat cosily by the fire and Y/n pulled out her book of spells to practice the movements for each one. George tried to remember the way it had worked for him – DADA was the only class he truly enjoyed and did well in. She started moving her wand but the movement of the wrist was wrong, George didn’t even think as he adjusted the height of her arm and moved her wrist around to carry the action properly. That was until the realisation hit him that he was touching her and that they were sitting rather close so he pulled back, hoping to Godric he wasn’t blushing too much as he felt the heat on his cheeks. He couldn’t see Y/n’s disappointment at the loss of contact or her own blushing cheeks.

She turned to the fireplace and began practising Incedio and Aquamenti with heavy concentration. George couldn’t help looking at her, watching as her tongue darted out to trace her lips as her eyes narrowed in on the fire or the way she smiled when the spell worked. He knew his unmistakable blush was there now, probably redder than his own hair. He also knew his smile was wide and that he couldn’t fight the urge to kiss her any longer so when she turned to him, excited at successfully relighting the roaring fire, he quickly closed the gap without a second thought.

He heard a little gasp of surprise as his lips crashed to hers. He started to become unsure in his action before he felt Y/n’s lips move gently back against his own and holy shit, she was kissing him back. Her hands came up to hold his shoulders as his rested on her hips. They both pulled back slowly after a few moments of perfect synchrony, both needing air. Their faces were equally as unsure before they opened their eyes, saw each other and smiled widely, taking in what had just happened between them both.

George leaned forward to rest his head to hers as he chased the taste of her lips. He pecked them again and Y/n giggled, it was the cutest thing he’d ever heard in his life. And then suddenly Y/n was biting her lip with her smile and he just wanted to kiss her until sunrise.

“What was that for?” Y/n asked coyly.

George met her eyes with such a loving intensity as he chose his next words, of course he knew what he wanted to say. Because I’m in love with you and I have been since I was 13. But maybe it was much too soon for that so he settled for the truth he felt in that moment. “Because you’re cute when you concentrate.”

To that Y/n giggled again and lifted her hand up so she could caress his face. “Well, George Weasley I think that you’re just cute in general.” Y/n’s smile grew impossibly wider meeting her eyes whilst her other hand trailed across his chest. George beamed back and kissed her, making sure this one lasted longer.

And it did. It was heavier as tongues were slid in, hands roamed more than before and George was pushed back lightly into the sofa cushions. This was before Y/n broke away saying they should study some more to which George responded, “I thought that’s what we were doing.” Y/n laughed but shoved him away playfully, bringing her textbook onto her lap and reading carefully. George couldn’t help but stare again with a smirk.

“George stop staring at me.” Y/n shook her head in amusement with a playful laugh as George continued. He moved ever closer to her and started to kiss her neck.

“I’m sorry love, I can’t help it.” George peppered kisses to her neck before he decided to be adventurous and bit down lightly. Y/n squealed and George laughed as he was once again pushed away but she never stopped smiling at him.

He sat back thoughtfully staring into the fire as she continued to study but her mind wasn’t really reading the words. He wondered m if Y/n had had a crush on him and if so for how long? He asked her this and he thought she might be annoyed at the distraction but it seemed with him she wasn’t as stressed out, at least she didn’t show it if she was. She smiled and bit her lip again, seemingly embarrassed to say.

“Since I was like 11.” Y/n’s smile turned sheepish and her eyes looked everywhere but at him until she noticed George was smiling and not weirded out in anyway. “What about you?”

“Since I was 13.” George answered through his wide smile and Y/n smiled back. “But I only properly realised like a year ago.”

“Seriously? How come it took you so long Georgie?” Y/n inquired with a laugh and a playful push to his shoulder. George ducked his head with a shrug.

“I don’t know, I guess since you’re my best friend I didn’t want to admit it, even to myself in case I ruined everything that we had.” George re-met her eyes and smiled weakly, now he said it out loud it seemed even more ridiculous. Y/n could almost tell where his trail of thought had drifted to as she sensed his unsureness.

“Aww Georgie.” He blushed a little at the use of his nickname and noticed her kind smile. Her hands rested on his jaw as she abandoned her books and left them on the side. She brought his lips slowly to meet hers in a reassuring kiss. It was gentle and quick but it was perfectly sweet.

“What about studying?” George asked with a small smile, wanting desperately to kiss her lips again, he was only human after all. Y/n shrugged with a mischievous smirk.

“Meh, it can wait till tomorrow.” And with that, the rest of the evening was spent acquainting each other with the taste of their lips and exploring new found depths of one another. And Y/n could say with one hundred percent certainty that snogging George was so much better than studying spells.

Taglist: @blue-andbrxnze @queengirl56 @spinspinspin-spin-to-forget @rochelle-the-ravenclaw @justalovertoall @beaaa-banana @harrypotterlifejamesphelps @a9yearoldboy @miss-tipton-is-beautiful @shutupweatherby​ @sweetsummertime99 

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[insertneatoblognamehere-blog]

...Therapy.

I have to go back. 

After the years of happiness. Of finally getting over things from my past, a memory resurfaced and here I am. Crying, Shaking. Screaming. 

His hands on my skin. His hot breath in my face.  I didnt want to continue, I didnt want to look at him. I couldnt look at him, not anymore. no. maybe it was I didnt want to be seen. maybe I didnt want my shame to be seen by the one who I loved. 

The tightening muscles. That smell. 

the blood.

Im screaming again and I cant move. All I can do is sit and wonder how I let this happen. How did I let someone steal this from me so easily. I am sitting here, four years later, drunk and scared trying to figure out where I went wrong. Sitting on the floor of my bedroom while my boyfriend of two years is asking what to do but all that can escape my mouth is more screams. 

finally he just holds me till I stop shaking. My whole body aches and my throat burns.My head still pounding and flashing with images. I told him what I had experienced and what had happened to me four years ago, That I didn't want to remember this, or him.

But I remembered. 

“So what are we going to do?” he asked, “I dont want to push you to do things you dont want to, but I feel closer to you when we are intimate.” He was obviously worried. And so was I. I had never experienced anything like what had just happened and wasn't sure how to respond to him.

“I think, we should stop having sex for awhile.” I finally whispered out as I held myself. I didn't want to look up at him, into his eyes, because I know that hurt him to hear me say that after we had been together for so long. But I knew I couldn't be intimate, not after remembering that memory while being intimate with him.

Later that week, I finally got in to see my therapist. She had helped me with anxiety and depression over a year ago after I finally moved out of my parents house. 

“So, what brings you back?” she asked while looking through my file on her computer, reminding herself of my past. “Did the thoughts come back? The thoughts of suicide?”

I shook my head.

She turned to me finally and asked, “Then what is bothering you? How can I help?”

I could feel my face get hot when I thought of why I had come by. I was ashamed. My list of tragedies had grown and I haven't gotten any better at solving them. After a few seconds, I spoke up, “I remembered what happened four years ago.” but it only came out as a whisper.

She leaned in a bit, “Remembered what?” I could feel her eyes on me. Staring me farther down in the shameful recesses of my heart. But I had to say it. I had to let it out and I had to face this.

“I remembered that four years ago, I took away my consent.” Why do I have to be so vague. Just say it, say what he did to you. Say what he took from you. Tell her about how you've stopped eating because it makes you feel nauseous. Tell her that you cant sleep because you can still feel his hands on your body. Tell her that. Say it. Say it. Say It. Say It SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT.

“Hana?” Her face was more concerned than before. “Took your consent away from what.?”

“He didnt stop when I asked him to, Jen. He just kept going.” I could feel the hot tears running down my cheeks as I finally spoke, “He didnt stop and he took my virginity, even when I was crying in pain. I told him to stop...” And now the tears were pouring down my face like open faucets.

I said it.

As I walked out of the building, the sky around me seemed dull and colorless. The air tasted bitter as I breathed. Nothing felt right anymore. 

“I want you to try to practice some deep breathing techniques in order to help you better calm down, just in case you have another panic attack like earlier this week.” The advice she gave me seemed like it would only fix my attacks, but I imagine we will deal with the memory soon. 

As I walk, I think back to when I was younger. I mean, I am only 20 as of now, but high school was rough. Since I was a kid, I had been the target of most bullying because of my speech impediment. I only had two friends until about middle school where they turned on me because I liked a guy that one of them had liked. I remember the threats, the insults and how they got a lot of people to join in on making fun of me.

High school was a maze of fake friends and sexual innuendos that weren't actually that funny. Its where I met more people like me. Its where I felt safe enough to finally develop crushes again. Its where I finally found a boyfriend who said he loved me. And I believe he did. Even when he did what he did to me.I dated him for almost a year after the incident because I was alone and I wanted and craved for someone to love me fully. So I did wind up doing more things I didn't want to do. We finally did break up though. And I had boyfriends after him. I gave them parts of me I didn't really want share because of the fear of being alone with myself, with my thoughts.

I spent my years in high school filled with self loathing. I remember staying up all night with a blade in my hand, cutting open my thighs and watching the blood slide off my skin and fill the crevices between the tiles on the bathroom floor. I remember thinking that I was going to kill myself before I turned 18. That I didn't have to worry about my future because I had none. 

But here I am. Three-ish years into college and nothing really to show for it other than some projects for digital art and poorly drawn faces. I’m not really sure where to go from here. No one really gives you an idea of how to deal with resurfaced memories when your in high school. But I do know how to fail my math classes or how to make fun of myself as a coping mechanism. 

But. That doesn't solve my problems. I’m not sure I will ever solve these problems. The list keeps growing without me actually fixing any of them. I just learn to live with them, but is that really so bad? To learn how to adapt to myself? Even if it hurts in the long run..?

[dysfunctional-college-roommates]

Is that where your money goes? -i looked for characters but couldnt find any so you pick

Thank you for sending this!! And, ha, yeah, I’m sure I’ve mentioned some characters at some point… probably a long time ago… but there are many and they’re probably vaguely described / poorly tagged…

(Also, I’m not sure this is at all what you thought I would do with this prompt, but it’s… something. I had fun, at least!)

[Break my character’s heart]

Ben had been trying to ask Ava on a date for three months now. Maybe that sounded pushy. The thing was, he wasn’t trying to be pushy. He’d spent the last year and a half getting to know her – banter on missions, questions over debrief drinks. He taken his time in working up to date thoughts. He wasn’t someone who just asked out a girl because she was pretty; he needed there to be a connection. And when, finally, he’d decided that the time was right, that the stars were aligned, and the mood and the lighting were perfect – she’d just walked away.

That was why Ben hadn’t stopped trying, really: Ava had never yet said no. All she’d done was change the subject, or leave the room, or pretend she hadn’t heard. Ben didn’t entirely understand it, but the best interpretation that he could come up with was that Ava didn’t want him to stop asking. So he hadn’t.

But that brought him to today, weaving a lazy path through the city with Ava at his side, and a movie suggestion in his mouth. “What do you think?” he finished. “It’s a good, cheap date, right?” Ava had told him once that she didn’t have a lot of unallocated income, and she’d told him another time that she didn’t believe in being paid for. Ben was trying to keep that in mind.

Ava stopped and turned to face him straight. “Why do you want to date me so bad?” she demanded. “What’s so special about me that you just keep asking?”

Ben blinked at her, stunned. “Nothing,” he said without thinking. “I mean, it’s not… it’s not that you’re – It’s just, I like you, Ava. And you haven’t said that you don’t want me to.”

Ava’s shoulders sunk; if she’d been preparing for a fight before, she’d already given up on it. No, more than that – she looked like she’d already fought it without him. She sighed, and it seemed as if it had traveled to him from another universe, one with physics that Ben didn’t understand. It was such a small thing, but in an instant, Ben realized that whatever place Ava was at, it wasn’t where he’d thought it was. Whatever place Ava was at was somewhere Ben had never been before, somewhere he’d never even seen on the horizon. It was disorienting, like the Ava he’d known for the last eighteen months had been some person else entirely.

“There’s something I think I should show you,” Ava said finally. She started down the street again, purposeful. Ben followed her to a car that must have been hers, considering that she had the keys. She gestured for him to get in, and then didn’t say a word for the entire drive. It took a little over an hour: minutes full of black and shiny buildings, then gray and dilapidated houses, then green and gasping trees. Ben had guessed where they were going by the time Ava turned down the winding entryway.

It was impossible to be in this business and not know about places like this one – places to store the useless former agents. The ones who hadn’t retired by choice. Some of them were in stasis, from what he’d heard, if they had abilities that they could no longer control. Others were traumatized out of words, or comatose, or injured badly enough that they couldn’t care for themselves. Ben hoped, selfishly, that Ava knew someone here, and that she hadn’t just taken him here to make a point about the dangerous nature of their job. He didn’t really want to think about that.

Ava got out of the car. She didn’t look at Ben, but she was clearly waiting for him, scuffing her shoes along the gravel walkway. He joined her, keeping her pattern of silence. He wanted to ask questions, to hear why they were here, but he didn’t quite know how to talk to her right now. Everything about her body language suggested that she was not in a state for conversation at the moment.

In they went, past the front desk where Ava exchanged nods with a receptionist. Past the recreation room, where the very sight of some of the residents made Ben feel sick over his own potential fate. Past the empty cafeteria, the TV room, the gym. Finally, they stopped at an art room. It was empty except for one lonely soul.

“Isaac,” Ava said, the emotionless word ringing throughout the space. Isaac did not look up, did not move. He sat still, his eyes transfixed on the blank canvas before him. He held a pure, clean paintbrush awkwardly in his fingers.

Ava noticed this as well. She sighed and headed across the room to him, where she readjusted the brush so it looked more natural. She shook her head at Isaac and said, “How on earth do they expect you to paint like that? Honestly, it’s like they’re new at this.”

Ben cleared his throat uncomfortably, and Ava glanced over her shoulder to beckon him over. “Ben,” she said, “I’d like you to meet Isaac. Isaac, this is Ben.”

Ben smiled awkwardly, wondering to himself whether Isaac could even hear or see either of them. “Hi.”

Ava let go of Isaac’s hand, finally, and he jerked it forward to swipe a slow, invisible swath over the canvas. Ben, admitted, jumped at the sudden movement. Ava smiled sadly. “They give him paint, every once in a while,” she said. “He never paints anything that makes much sense, though.”

“Oh,” Ben said, because he wasn’t sure what else he could say.

Ava jerked her head to the other end of the room, drawing Ben away for a more private conversation. He followed, mainly out of morbid curiosity. Still, for the first minute, all they did was stand there and watch Isaac blindly paint.

“They tortured him,” Ava said finally, her hushed tone breaking the silence. “I don’t even know what –” She shook her head. “He’s been like this for four years.”

“Oh,” Ben said once again. He didn’t want to ask if this Isaac person had been involved somehow in the, uh, incident from four years ago. The entire rule structure of this job had changed because of that incident, and Ben had spent the entire time he’d known Ava being sure that he never asked if she’d been involved. He wasn’t sure, still, whether he liked those changes, and he didn’t want to have any sort of cause to be annoyed with Ava. Instead of heading down that path, now he asked, “So, he – is that where your money goes?”

Ava made a bit of a face, probably because asking about money was nearly as rude as asking about the incident. “Sort of,” she said. “I can’t – I know I can’t do this job forever. But Isaac… I don’t know how long he’ll be here.”

“You’re building up a reserve,” Ben realized. He looked over at Isaac again. He’d stopped painting now, back to staring at the canvas, as if he was admiring his work. “Who is he?” he asked before he could stop himself. “Who is he to you?”

Ava closed her eyes, slow as can be. “I love him,” she said simply.

“You never got closure,” Ben noted.

“There is no closure,” Ava replied. “I don’t know if he’ll come back tomorrow, or next month, next year – or never. But if I try to move on, what if that’s when he comes back?”

Ben sighed. The entire concept of asking her out sounded childish and mundane now. She was not in a place for dating, because part of her was always here. “You don’t have to move on all the way,” he offered. “Just enough that you don’t live like it’s you who’s like that.”

“Yeah,” Ava agreed, but didn’t elaborate. They stood in silence for minutes more, watching Isaac watch his canvas.

“You know,” Ava said after a while, “you’re the only friend I’ve had since –” She gestured to Isaac. “They avoid me.”

Ben nodded, having no words besides “oh.” He didn’t want to ask. He didn’t want to know. Except, he thought that maybe he already did.

[doing-that]

oracle-of-secrets replied to your post “Can you expand on why nights is so bad? I'm not trying to be defensive...”

I guess I don't know a lot about what makes good DM'ing so like how would you contrast the taz nights style with the live taz shows? Since those both are only one-shot deals sort of with time limits

this should be fun!

this is actually a super great vehicle for comparison, im glad you brought up the one-shot live episodes because this is the perfect way to compare! i’m going to try to pull my specific examples from the the camp goodfriend episode since it involves a guest player. im comparing one of the best episodes ever made to the campaign with the literal worst one(nights 3) so this is gonna be a little harsh probably, but... gotta do what you gotta do

there will be spoilers for nights in this. also its long as fuck so enjoooyyyy

tldr; good dming is describing a situation and seeing what your characters can make of it, not telling your players what to do. 

in camp goodfriend, griffin set the boys up by saying that they were at this camp for like a week, asked them how they’d spent their time there, and then told them they were going to this team building exercise that all of the players willingly went into. they could have said no if they wanted to, but where’s the fun in that? they went into the dungeon with brad from hr who was just there to help and have fun. while his integration in the challenges was a little awkward at points (*cough*whentheywerecritiquingeachother*cough*) he was helpful, nonintrusive, and is still beloved by many long after that episode came out! also notably, he knew as much about what was going on or less than the rest of the boys, he didn’t have critical information towards the plot. that was just the npcs (or i guess npc in this case)

griffin manages the gameplay gracefully with the way he describes every area the boys set foot into in every episode of taz, sometimes including more detail than seems at all necessary, but it helps you to visualize everything which makes gameplay easier, it makes it seem more real, and it gives the illusion of options. it’s like when griffin explains the directors office. he didn’t need to say what all was on her desk. he didnt need to mention the big portrait, but he did. and even though the things weren’t all important at the time (though they were later) he invited the players to investigate if they wanted to, or not investigate if they didn’t care. griffin leaves it open for anyone to do whatever they want at any time, as is hugely emphasized in the new ttazz.

in camp goodfriend, he took a lot of care in saying exactly how much of the place was paper mache and foam, he gave the exact mood of the environment they were in when insisting they couldn’t walk across the floor because it was “laaAAavaaa” (red carpet). when they shrunk his big wall down, he stayed true to what the boys were doing rather than to the story he wanted to tell and kept it small for the trust fall. When the boys finished each challenge, he told them what they saw next rather than what they were supposed to do next except for a few hints from the loudspeaker in-character and most of the time what the boys were supposed to do was obvious by that point, therefore making the redundancy funny(”anyways it’s time for trust falls!”). since the boys knew intimately everything they saw, they were able to make their own decisions on what to do, and they did it!

most most most importantly, everyone was roleplaying the entire time through the episode. griffin didn’t exist as an entity beyond describing the rooms and answering simple questions. griffin didn’t speak to the characters, but if necessary he would speak to them as art goodfriend in the game. all of the players made their decisions in-character and roleplayed their way out of everything. and they did it beautifully even when they were challenged to suddenly take on someone else’s character sheet! they all told a story together that was fun to listen to and sure sounded super fun to play!

onto nights. i will start by saying that travis’s biggest problem is absolutely giving the players freedom. back in episode 1 the first thing he did was give the characters an npc guide to tell them exactly what to do and then also put in a weird toy that ALSO told them what to do but 1/4 of the time it lied about it. neither of these npcs needed to exist and the story would have moved along fine, if not smoother without them. the dungeon they were in was not complicated, it was a few sets of doors that the players could have chosen from on their own. but they weren’t given those options, they were directly told what to do (and when what they were told to do was a lie, they were being told to do something literally impossible). the final boss was also only beaten because the npc guide had to remember a specific word, so the entire thing was out of the players’ control. there was another “puzzle” at the beginning of 3 that involved blowing up a specific box out of 50 in the room that contained no hints or anything to find it. thats not a puzzle.

i will say that overall, nights 2 vastly improved on all of these things, but still critically lacked description of the locations in favor of a (apparently poorly made) map travis gave to the boys that no one else could see, so there was no way to properly visualize the setting and make decisions based on that. episode 3 lacked all of this almost entirely as the players never really physically took themselves from place to place, but were rather instantly transported between 2 or 3 locations. i must admit i don’t remember episode well 3 because i literally couldnt pay attention to it.

onto the magistrate. this character was initially played by travis at the end of episode 2, not for very long but long enough to begin to establish a personality. the magistrate was also completely essential to the plot of episode 3, as he was the one being saved and who had important information to take everyone on their next mission. this is not a character that you give to someone who has no context for whats going on. because lin had no idea who this man was or of his motivations, travis had to tell everyone out of character that they needed to go to this exact place and do this exact thing and this is why. a lot of this could have been solved had travis pulled lin aside ahead of time and told him “this is your character, these are his motivations in detail, play the character and tell the others what they need to do and i’ll be here to help”, but he clearly didn’t. honestly i would say a VERY LARGE portion of the episode was spent justifying things out of character when they would have been more natural, enjoyable, and reasonable if it were all explained as the magistrate in character to the rest of the PCs. roleplaying. nights 3 had practically no roleplaying whatsoever on anyones part.

travis has had a problem in every episode of explaining things to the players out of character in too much depth, episode 3 just really brought that to light. the result of it is that the players aren’t allowed to make their own decisions and worse, they aren’t allowed to make decisions as their characters. all of the nights characters are incredibly strong personalities and i want to see more of them so badly, but they are given such incredibly little power to roleplay and make their own decisions so the episodes turn into less of a story and more of just an explanation of something that’s going on.

people are capable of making decisions on their own and can catch hints very easily, all it takes to create plot is a tiny tip or emphasis on something in a room, not an overt explanation. players want to move the story along and will do it on their own. it’s better for playing and listening.

[thegloober]

Thumbnails Special Edition: National Disability Employment Awareness Month

by Chaz Ebert and Matt Fagerholm

October 24, 2018   |  

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Thumbnails is a roundup of brief excerpts to introduce you to articles from other websites that we found interesting and exciting. We provide links to the original sources for you to read in their entirety. This special edition of Thumbnails celebrates National Disability Employment Awareness Month, which runs through the entirety of October. Our contributor Scott Jordan Harris gave us the following article recommendations, and they provide a vital array of perspectives on the need for inclusivity in media.—Chaz Ebert

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1. 

“Growing Up, I Only Saw Half of Myself Represented On TV—That Needs to Change Now“: A personal essay from Bustle‘s Andrea Lausell about representations of Latinx people with disabilities. See also: Melissa Hung’s Huffington Post piece on “the most damaging way movies portray people with disabilities” and an article by prominent activist Vilissa Thompson on her Ramp Your Voice blog about portrayals of disability in the Black community. 

“As I’ve grown into my adult years, it has made me happy to see Latinx-centered media begin to share stories of other marginalized non-disabled groups in the Latinx community (LGBTQ+, Afro-Latinx, Indigenous-Latinx). Representation is slowly improving with how these identities are viewed with TV shows like ‘One Day at a Time’ having a teenager like Elena Alvarez come out as queer and work through the emotions while seeking acceptance from her Cuban family. ‘Jane the Virgin’ highlights characters of color tackling the topic of immigration, all while making a political statement about our government and its treatment of people seeking a better life. Although these strides are giving us a diverse representation of Latinx culture and are being received fairly well by the community for being marathon-worthy, if Disabled Latinx were to be included in the narrative, would the public receive it as well? I’ve noticed that non-Latinx communities are just starting to embrace disabled narratives on their TV screens. Often, disabled representation in Hollywood, like in the novel-turned-film ‘Me Before You’ starring Emilia Clarke and Sam Claflin, portrays the harmful stereotype of disability being a burden. However, shows like ABC’s sitcom ‘Speechless’ have been a game changers for showing a disabled lead character happy with their life. But that’s just starting to happen now. Growing up, I learned to be ashamed of who I am because there were so few positive disabled Latinx representations on TV. Hearing from my Latinx community that disabled Latinx don’t exist — or that there’s ‘no need’ for us to be shown — told me that my place as a Disabled Latina within Latinidad wasn’t welcomed.”

2. 

“Why are disabled actors ignored when it comes to roles like the Elephant Man?“: Asks The Guardian‘s Frances Ryan. See also: Ryan’s piece on the controversy regarding Netflix’s “Afflicted” series and Julie Rehmeyer’s Los Angeles Times essay on how Netflix is “televising prejudice against the chronically ill.”

“The BBC has been widely criticised over its decision to cast a non-disabled person in its remake of ‘The Elephant Man.’ The role of Joseph Merrick – who had severe physical deformities – will be played by the Stranger Things actor Charlie Heaton. Notably, actor Adam Pearson – who has neurofibromatosis type 1, a condition which was once thought to affect Merrick – has said he wasn’t even given the opportunity to audition. As Pearson told LBC, it’s part of a culture of exclusion for disabled actors. ‘It’s a systemic problem, not only in the BBC but industry-wide.’ From Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man to Eddie Redmayne in ‘The Theory of Everything,’ it’s routine for non-disabled actors to play disabled characters, often gaining critical acclaim in the process. At best, it takes work and exposure from talented disabled actors and further adds to an arts and culture that pushes disability representation – much like race, sex and class – to the sidelines. At worst, it sees non-disabled actors mimic the characteristics of a minority group without any involvement from the community it depicts.”

3.

“‘A Quiet Place’ proves there’s no excuse for using non-disabled actors to play disabled characters“: According to The Independent‘s James Moore. See also: Variety‘s Joe Otterson reports that Maysoon Zayid, who has cerebral palsy, will write and star in “an autobiographical comedy series in development at ABC,” while CNN‘s Wayne Drash analyzes the outrage over the portrayal of epilepsy on Netflix’s “Seizure Boy.”

“The movie is set in a post-apocalyptic world haunted by blind monsters that zero in on sound with the aid of supersensitive hearing. Silence is thus a matter of survival. Because her family uses American Sign Language (ASL) they have an advantage: they can talk to each other in a world where speaking can get you killed. The script could have fallen down at this point by having Simmonds perform a functional role without much else to do other than move the plot along for the other actors, including A-lister Emily Blunt, to shine. But it has more ambition than that. Simmonds’ Regan Abbott is a fully formed character; a stroppy teen, chafing against her parents’ overprotectiveness and haunted by what she sees as her role in her little brother’s death. It’s not just her deafness that is central to the plot: she is. She’s neither an afterthought, nor is she an inspiration, which is another trap films involving disability fall into. She’s a person. She’s also the best thing about a film that is full of good things. Director John Krasinski, who pushed to cast her, has further revealed that she changed one of the signed parts of the scripts in an important way that makes it better.  In fact she elevates the whole project. As Kamran Mallick, the chief executive of Disability Rights UK, says, she brings ‘an extra dimension to the role which a hearing actor would not have been able to do.’”

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4. 

“Toppling Structures of Inequality in the Documentary Field“: A great article published at IDA by Nicole Opper. 

“New Day Films, a distribution co-op created by and for independent documentary filmmakers in 1971, has recently been grappling with what it means to be truly representative of the broad spectrum of filmmakers that exists, including filmmakers of color, working-class filmmakers, trans and gender non-binary filmmakers and those with disabilities—groups that have historically been underrepresented or poorly portrayed in the industry. At our Annual Meeting in upstate New York this past June, a panel was convened to discuss the findings of an Equity and Representation task force, and to open up the conversation to all member-owners of the co-op. ‘Very often in the documentary space, I’m the only person of color,’ remarked Michael Premo. Premo is the director of ‘Water Warriors,’ the story of a community’s successful fight to protect their water from the oil and natural gas industry. ‘This is also sort of dually equated with poverty, which is equally as racist as being the token black guy.’ Cheryl Green, the director of ‘Who Am I To Stop It’—a documentary about individuals with traumatic brain injuries—shared her perspective as a filmmaker with acquired disabilities herself: ‘There is no one disability community. What is a film about disability? What is a person with a disability? We’re not a monolith. There’s not one way to talk about it; there’s not one way to present it. The main way disability is represented is non-disabled people parachuting in and filming a medical story. Usually it’s one that starts off as ‘That’s gross or scary or painful! Phew! They got better.’” 

5. 

“CinemAbility: The Art of Inclusion“: Scott Jordan Harris recommends Jenni Gold’s documentary in his RogerEbert.com review.

“‘CinemAbility’ is the most entertaining and comprehensive history of disability in American film and television ever made. In that sense it is the onscreen equivalent of Matthew F. Norden’s classic book Cinema Of Isolation: A History Of Physical Disability In The Movies, and Norden is prominent in the film’s opening scenes, explaining the early and generally disheartening history of Hollywood’s ideas about disability. Due prominence is given to Lon Chaney, an able-bodied actor notorious in the disabled community for making a career out of grotesque and exploitative parodies of disability. He often did so in partnership with director Tod Browning, who in 1932 made ‘Freaks’ with a cast of disabled actors. Norden uses ‘Freaks’ to make an important point about audience attitudes to disability then that is still relevant now: ‘Audiences couldn’t handle [‘Freaks’]. People supposedly went screaming down the aisles because what they were seeing on the screen were not able-bodied actors wearing tricky makeup … They were seeing authentic disabled people.’ But ‘CinemaAbility’ never feels like a lecture. It is structured like a conversation, with contributions from an array of industry heavyweights, including Marlee Matlin, Ben Affleck, Geena Davis, William H. Macy, Ben Lewin, Peter Bogdanovich and R.J. Mitte.”

Image of the Day

TV Guide‘s Alyssa Andrews explains “how TV is still failing people with disabilities,” in graphic novel form. 

Video of the Day

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The official trailer for Jenni Gold’s documentary, “CinemAbility: The Art of Inclusion,” reviewed above by Scott Jordan Harris.

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