#the rest of it feels so by the book (no pun intended lol) and the dialogue is like

[angeltannis]

mom and I watched Goosebumps (2015) and honestly it was pretty not-great overall but Ough the twist using The Ghost Next Door was so good. I wasn't even very involved with Goosebumps as a kid and I remember that episode of the show vividly because the shock and tragedy of it really stuck with me. Perfect choice for the One Good Monster imo. she and Jack Black were pretty much the saving grace of this movie

[reidslovely]

Hi Bambi! Sorry this is late, but I’m always down to talk about Peter 🕸️❤️ How do you think he’d handle a “there’s only one bed” situation?? I can’t decide if he’d be cocky or awkward lol, but probably both

So glad you’re getting back in the swing of things! (Pun intended)

abby always a joy to see you in my inbox!! and it is not at all late (if anyone is late it is me hehe) requests will be open for quite a while!! i think that this is a very complex question i feel like peter would be too cocky about it to cover up how excited he'd be to share the bed. but at the same time your friends sooo it would be weird right??? let me walk you through it.

please reblog or comment when you like!!<3

Peter Parker ever since you had known him  was very shy, and couldn't talk his way out of a wet paper bag around girls. Not in elementary school or middle, and definitely not in high school. Maybe that's why you found the boy next door to be such an interesting person. Nearly six foot tall, eyes that could win any girl over, yet anytime he opens his mouth...pure word vomit. Peter Parker in college was the same, yet by this point he had done the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing and learned to hide his nervousness behind shitty flirting and the cockiness that seemingly flew out of nowhere the middle of senior year. 

However that shield broke the moment you checked into the beachside hotel. 

It was a gorgeous hotel sitting on the beachfront of Ocean City. Peter had booked the first hotel that popped up, and got the cheapest room they had moments after planning the impromptu spring break trip. However, opening the door he realized why a four night stay was so cheap for two people. A single bed sat in the middle of the pale blue room, the duvet a soft yellow with flowers sitting on the bed. 

“Oh I fucked up.” Peter mumbled laughing, tossing a quick glance at you. Hopefully you hadn’t thought this was a part of some long pawn he’d been playing to get you to fall into bed with him after all these years. Making a mental note to have May or you book a hotel for the next trip if there would ever be another trip after this. “Mhm, big time” You teased back sitting on the soft memory foam of the king bed. Peter rolled his eyes playfully, sticking his tongue to his teeth shaking his head. 

“You mean you don’t want to sleep with me? Could have fooled me.” 

Peter felt like his skin was on fire, he was praying you couldn’t see how red his face was. 

You scoffed, eyes following him around the room. “Hey you’re the one who looks like you’re about to burst into flames.” Mhm he was not hiding it well. “Well you’re passing up the chance of a lifetime, there are plenty of girls who would be dying to be where you are right now missy.” 

Peter states smugly, placing his hands on the back of his neck, making his torso a perfect target for you to hit him with the pillow you were holding on your lap. “Okay okay I’m serious.” He defends throwing it back, the pillow landing at your feet. “I don’t have the money to afford another room and still be an active participant on this trip so…” He thinks for a moment looking at the couch resting at the foot of the bed. “We can share a bed Peter.” 

The words made him want to giggle and kick his feet like a cartoon character. He hid a smirk forming on his lips, clearing his throat. “I mean I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” “We used to share beds as kids.” You stated like it was no big deal. The two of you did share beds a lot until around middle school. Peter remembers being scared of sleeping on your floor so you’d let him into your bed at sleepovers, or Peter insisting that it was ungentlemanly to let you not have the bed at his house so the only explanation was to share. 

“Yeah but we were kids, now we are…” 

He was getting shy, and he felt so silly over it. Would sharing a bed really change nearly twenty years of friendship? 

“Fine, since you’re begging me to sleep with you. I’d be so evil to deny you.” Peter sighs like it is the most annoying situation ever. Hours at the beach took his mind off of what tonight would bring. He got excited and flattered at the thought of sleeping next to you, and felt like he was a kid in the science museum again. Once you both returned to the hotel Peter let you shower while he tried to figure out the best way to go about this. He turned the TV on to kill his mind a little bit, he lies in multiple different ways trying to make it seem as normal as possible yet he felt silly. 

Nothing felt natural.

Until you got in the bed with him. Your head on his shoulder as you scrolled on your phone, Peter watching the TV glancing at you occasionally. His hand rubbing your side slowly makes his heart flutter, instinctively he buries his head in your wet hair smiling at the videos on your phone. 

“What are you doing weirdo?” 

“I love you..I love this.”

 He whispers, nudging his nose against your head, it falls out so perfectly. It makes the moment even more perfect. You laugh, not out of disgust or shock but it is a laugh of relief. He sinks down into the bed pulling you with him, holding you closer. Pete hums awaiting a response watching you put your phone down.

“If I knew getting you into bed with me would be what made you finally confess I would have used that years ago.” “Mhm well..y’know what they say.”

“What do they say?” 

“Usually I love you too” He snickered, pushing hair from your forehead kissing softly. 

“Go to bed” You laugh smacking his chest. Peter hums holding you closer, closing his eyes, head still in your hair. Against his skin hears and feels your soft reply of 

“I love you too.”

🩵

hope that tickles your itch abby

__

forgot to do the taglist on the last few posts but doesn't really matter because some of those I tag never really interact with the fic lol.

@helloheyhihowdyheya @toomanyfictionalboyfriends @megmehz @sincericida @andrews-lovr @eevylynn @a-lumos-in-the-nox

[captainsophiestark]

Happy Ending

Luke Castellan x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for Fictober 2023!

Fandom: Percy Jackson

Day 22 Prompt: "Who takes care of you?"

Summary: What if Luke had come by to see Y/N, his pre-betrayal best friend and SO, instead of Annabeth between books 3 and 4?

Word Count: 4,189

Category: Angst, Fluff

A/N: I really loved the vibes of this post by @m4gp13 so this is very loosely inspired by it, even though the main body of the story doesn't have much to do with it lol

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

I sighed, staring at the piles of boxes on the floor of my dorm room. The spring semester of my second year of college was just coming to a close, and I still had a lot to do to be ready for everything after it finished. I was moving into my own apartment for the summer, and needed to move from the dorm room to my new apartment. As soon as that was over, I'd planned a visit to Camp Half-Blood, the training camp for heroes I kept going back to, even though I was technically an adult.

I needed to pack everything in my dorm, move it to my apartment, and then be able to unpack everything I'd need for a few weeks visiting camp. This packing job would need to be strategically worthy of Athena.

I'd just barely managed to psych myself up to get started when a knock came at my door. I huffed a sigh, but I really didn't mind the distraction all that much.

"Coming!" I called. I glanced out the peep hole, then froze solid when I saw Luke Castellan staring back at me.

My heart stopped dead in my chest. I looked again and saw he had no monsters with him, at least not visibly, but I couldn't understand why he would come here without them.

Luke had been one of my closest friends in the world since we met as kids, on the run together from our mutually shitty families. We'd met first, then found Thalia and Annabeth after. Luke and I were the same age, and we'd been thick as thieves since day one, Hermes pun intended. As we'd gotten older, a small crush I'd had on Luke had grown massive, and luckily for me he'd returned my feelings. We'd been happily dating and in love ever since, until two summers ago, when he'd betrayed me and every single one of our friends and joined Kronos.

I'd barely talked to him since. We only had contact once and a while, and every time, it went the same way. I was hurt, he was apologetic but not willing to change any of his decisions. Me and the rest of Camp fought him and his monsters, and I tried not to fall apart at the loss of the love of my life.

The distraction provided by college had been a serious, serious relief.

But now, Luke was here. In the middle of space where I very intentionally avoided thinking about him, on my doorstep for whatever reason. And I had no idea what to do.

"Y/N? I know you're in there. I'm here under a flag of truce. I just want to talk."

Just like that, any desire to duck and hide crumbled. The rational part of my brain screamed at me that he could be lying, that this might just be a trap, but I ignored it. After everything we'd been through, if Luke said he wanted to talk, I wanted to hear him out.

I opened the door, and Luke's shoulders sagged with relief when he saw me. I wanted to dart forward and wrap him in a hug, something I hadn't been able to do in two years, but I held myself back. Luke shifted a little from foot to foot, looking incredibly awkward, so after a second's hesitation I stepped to the side.

"Would you like to come in?"

He gave me a suspicious look, like he thought it was a trap or a trick or something. My heart shattered in my chest. How had things gone this wrong, that we stood on opposite sides of the door as basically strangers?

"My house is a mess, because I'm in the middle of packing up to move, but... if you want to talk, Luke, I feel like the hallway isn't gonna be the best place to do it."

He gave me a curt nod, not quite meeting my eyes as he walked past me into my apartment. I glanced down the hallway, taking one last look to make sure we didn't have any lingering monsters, but things were deserted. I sighed and went back into my apartment, closing the door behind me.

I found Luke hovering in the space between the kitchen and the living room, surveying things with a strange look on his face. I moved toward him carefully, not getting too close in case I spooked him.

"Do you want some tea or something? I haven't packed my electric kettle yet-"

"I think tea might take longer than the five minutes I promised."

I turned to look at Luke, raising one eyebrow in challenge, a little bit of our old rapport back. He shifted his weight around and glanced towards the door, then met my eyes again.

"Luke... is some giant monster going to burst through my door in five minutes? Or an army of small monsters, or anything under that general monster-army umbrella?"

"What? No, no, there's... no. I'm here under a flag of truce. There's nothing coming to hurt you, and when I leave... I'll leave."

"Okay then," I said, deciding not to comment on just how shaken and pale Luke looked, at least not right now. "Then I'm giving you a pass on the five minutes. And electric kettles take like two seconds anyway, seriously. They're magical."

Luke huffed, shaking his head as an incredulous smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. My heart squeezed, but I made myself move towards the kitchen and act like things were normal.

"Take a seat, Luke. Or come pick your tea."

Luke took the second option, and my heart doubled its speed when I felt him hovering behind me, closer than we'd been in a long time if you didn't count combat. He leaned over my shoulder to point to the bag of black tea on my counter, and I nodded as I poured the hot water into our cups. I dropped two teabags in each of our drinks, then turned to Luke with a smile.

He stood a little more than a foot from me, and he took the cup from my hands carefully, like he didn't want this bubble of peace and normalcy to burst either. I stared into his beautiful, bright blue eyes, a smile growing on my face again despite myself. I'd missed this. A lot.

The moment lasted another few seconds, and then Luke cleared his throat and looked away. He took a tentative sip of his tea, then looked at me again, his face deadly serious.

"I don't know how to say this. I... I learned some things recently, about some plans I wasn't aware of before."

He paused and took another sip of his tea, and his hand shook a little as he brought the mug away from his lips. Shock coursed through my body as I realized Luke was scared.

"Kronos, he- he's going to use me. He's going to use me to take over the world. This summer... he's going to use me like a stepping stone, until he gets so much power he's unstoppable."

"Luke... what are you saying?"

His eyes had wandered to stare holes in the wall of my kitchen while he'd talked, but now they snapped back to me, wide and full of urgency.

"I'm saying I want to run away. I want us to run away, like the old days. Before... before he gets the chance to carry out his plan."

I stared at Luke for a few minutes, then shook my head, scoffing and pushing past him into the living room of my house. I paced a little, trying to make sense of what he'd just told me. What he'd just asked of me.

"Luke... I don't know what to say!" I finally admitted, completely honest as I turned back to him. He watched me, his expression guarded. "I don't... I don't think I can just run away. Not from the life I've managed to build, not from our friends still here and risking their lives!"

"So that's it, then?" he asked, taking a few steps forward, his tone angry. "Your answer's no?"

I huffed a laugh, staring at anything in the room except for Luke and trying to think. My brain was working a million miles an hour, but I still needed a little bit of time to think things through. But I wasn't sure I had time.

"Okay, Luke, can we sit down for a minute? Actually talk about this?" I said, taking slow steps towards him. I set my mug down on the nearest table, then reached out to gently rest my hands on his. A storm of emotions raged behind his eyes, but he didn't stop me or pull away. "This is a lot to take in all at once. Can we work through this together?"

His jaw worked like he was holding back some retort, but he let me pull him along towards the couch. Slowly, together, we sank down onto the cushions. I only pulled one hand back, and made sure our knees rested against each other, hoping it would do something to help keep Luke grounded.

"I don't want to run," I said simply, meeting his eyes. He opened his mouth, looking ready with an outburst again, but I continued before he could. "But Luke, think about it. Where are we gonna go that he doesn't find you, especially if he wants to? Monsters can sniff us out. We'd never, ever be able to live another day without looking over our shoulders."

Luke's shoulders sagged, and he shook his head miserably as he stared at the half-full mug in his hand.

"Then there's no hope."

"That's not what I said. And it's also not true." Luke scoffed, shooting me a look out of the corner of his eye. I looked right back. "If you don't want to follow through on what Kronos is asking of you, why not just come back with me? To Camp, to my somewhat normal life. I have an apartment with space for two. You could even enroll with me next semester, if you wanted to."

Luke shook his head. He pursed his lips as he raised his head to meet my eyes again.

"And let the Olympians continue exploiting us? Let them keep destroying people and lives because we don't matter to them?"

I huffed a sigh. "Look, I'm not their biggest fan either, but right now it seems like it's 'let Kronos kill you' or 'stop fighting the Olympians'."

Luke shook his head again, more energized this time, more angry. He stared at the wall ahead of us, the same hurt and bitterness I'd seen from him over the years burning in his eyes.

"It's just not right. There should be something we can do. Something that isn't Kronos, but isn't letting the Olympians win."

And just like that, a lightbulb went off in my head.

"Luke... what if there was a way we could do that?"

****************

That night, Luke and I stayed up until almost two in the morning brainstorming and working out the details of my plan. When we finally decided to get some sleep, he stayed with me, and curling up in the same tiny twin bed, falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat, had me more at peace and ease than I had been in a long, long time.

The next morning, we finalized a few things over breakfast. Then, there was nothing left to do but put our plan into action.

Luke stayed in the apartment, tasked with keeping his head down and finishing packing for me, since I had other places I had to be. Namely, Camp Half-Blood. A little earlier than I'd talked about with Chiron, and hopefully, before the place was crawling with campers for the summer.

Thankfully, it didn't take me too long to get to Camp. I arrived a little after lunch and found the place expectedly deserted. From the top of the hill, I could see some of the year-rounders moving around the lake. I tried to keep them from noticing me as I headed straight for the Big House.

I paused just outside the front door to steel my nerves one last time, then marched inside. I found Chiron and Mr. D sitting together, apparently deep in conference. They both looked up when they noticed me, matching looks of surprise on their faces (although Chiron's had a noticeably happier edge to it).

"Y/N! We weren't expecting you for another few weeks-"

"I'm not staying for long. Something just came up that I needed to talk to you about right away. To both of you, actually, especially Mr. D."

He raised a bored eyebrow in my direction but otherwise didn't move. Chiron motioned to a chair at the table.

"By all means, please."

"That's alright, I think I'll stand," I said. I took a deep breath, squaring my shoulders and straightening my spine. I would not back down, wouldn't leave until I'd succeeded. Luke and I's future depended on it.

I took a moment to make very intentional, determined eye contact with Mr. D. His other eyebrow raised.

"I'm here to bargain for a pardon for Luke Castellan."

Silence. Both Chiron and Mr. D just stared at me for a few long moments, then turned to look at each other. Chiron looked concerned, but Mr. D burst out laughing.

"He's a traitor and an enemy of Olympus! This has all been very boring and ridiculous, and a waste of our time. Get out."

Mr. D's last word had a firey threat behind it, but I didn't flinch.

"You and the rest of the Olympians are perfectly aware what a threat Kronos presents. Everybody's getting scared, and they should be. He's got a plan for returning to his Titan form, the one he had before he was defeated the first time, before Zeus cut him apart and cast him into Tartarus. And it's a plan that he can definitely make succeed.

"Luke knows all about this plan. Obviously. And he's willing to defect and tell you all about it, so we can stop it before it happens. But you have to give him a complete pardon, sworn on the River Styx by Zeus."

Mr. D snorted again, this time raising from his chair and taking a few threatening steps towards me. I still didn't back down.

"Y/N, listen," Chiron interrupted, shuffling forward a little bit to stand partially in between me and Mr. D. "If you have information that could save Olympus and the camp-"

"Oh, I have some. Just like Chris Rodriguez had some. But Luke has all of it. And you're not getting any of it without giving him a pardon first."

"Or we could force it out of you before finding your little boyfriend and doing the same to him," said Mr. D, his tone light but his eyes blazing. Chiron started to step in again, but I spoke up before he got the chance.

"You haven't been able to find him this long, you won't be able to find him now. And anybody who knows anything about interrogations knows that torture just plain and simple doesn't work for getting information." Mr. D grunted, but we both knew I had him there. "Besides, if Luke gets his pardon, that means more than just getting all the information from Kronos' former right hand man. It also means that Kronos loses said right hand man, who's been organizing and leading a lot of the work so far."

Chiron and Mr. D shared a look, and I tried not to let it show just how much my heart was racing. For the first time since I'd walked in here, I actually felt a glimmer of hope that my plan might succeed. Chiron turned back to me, the worried look still on his face.

"Y/N... what makes you so confident that Luke wants to defect?"

"He sought me out," I answered simply, trying to dance around his location at least a bit. "He's realizing quickly just how bad Kronos would and could be, and he's scared. Terrified. He wants a way out, so when he found me, he asked me to run away with him. I suggested trying this plan first, mostly so I don't have to leave behind everyone else I love. But also because, this way, you might stand a chance against Kronos that you wouldn't have if we'd left without offering information."

The conversation continued for almost another hour, centered mostly around Mr. D making threats and, when I didn't back down, reminding me that I was trying to demand something of Zeus. He made plenty of good points, but I'd thought through all the ways this plan could go terribly, painfully wrong with Luke before I'd come here. I wasn't going to give in, for anything.

Finally, after restating my points and my argument a few times, Mr. D agreed to bring my request to Mount Olympus. I waited anxiously in the Big House with Chiron, whose brow remained deeply creased the entire time. I didn't engage, intentionally avoiding the conversation he looked like he wanted to have, but I saw him watching me out of the corner of my eye.

I started to get worried as the evening came, but finally, Mr. D reappeared. The first time he'd delivered his news, I honestly hadn't believed him. I asked him to repeat himself, which he rolled his eyes over, but the words were the same. Somehow, by some miracle, I'd managed to succeed.

Zeus was willing to give Luke his pardon in exchange for information and defecting.

I wasn't a complete idiot, so made sure the terms were clear when Mr. D brought me to Olympus to witness the oath. The words covered any retaliation, punishment, or harm that might come to Luke, and completely prevented it. Zeus spoke the words and the sky rumbled with lightning. I tried not to shake in relief or from the adrenaline dump as I bowed and promised he wouldn't regret his decision. Hermes shot me a grateful look on my way out, and I returned his nod. He'd been awful to Luke, but we were aligned in not wanting to see him dead, and I got the feeling Hermes had been helpful in pleading my case.

When we returned to the Big House, I headed for the door as quickly as possible, promising to bring Luke back with me in a week when I'd been planning to return anyway. I still had to move out and then move in to a new place again, and Luke had assured me that week of time wouldn't cost the war.

I raced back home, breaking almost every traffic law in the process, but I didn't care at all. I called out to Luke from the hallway, so he wouldn't be scared when I flung the door open, then rushed to wrap him in a giant hug. We sank to the floor together, crying in relief, and stayed like that for a long, long time.

The next week felt like a dream. Luke and I finished packing up my old apartment, then moved together into the new one, which we'd started calling 'ours'. We had to duck monsters a few times, and Luke was still in significant danger, but this time we were on the same side. As we settled into our new place on the last night before we were supposed to head back to camp, I quite literally couldn't have been happier.

It was a little strange returning to camp with Luke, but I quickly got over my own concerns when I saw how tense he was. I held his hand the whole way in, and thankfully, we'd still managed to get here before most of the summer campers. Luke and I sat shoulder to shoulder in the Big House while he told Mr. D and Chiron everything about Kronos and his operation. It took hours, and I could tell Luke struggled to get a lot of it out. But he did.

It had taken long enough that we decided to stay the night, even though I could see Luke clearly didn't want to. We stayed in the Big House, and the next morning, we finished the last of the intel-sharing before heading back home.

Chiron stopped Luke on the way out the door with a hand on his shoulder and said he was so happy to have Luke back. Luke just nodded, but I squeezed his hands as I noticed a single tear making its way down his cheek as we left.

"You know..." I said as we climbed in the car. I was driving, and Luke stared determinedly out the window. "Chiron's probably not the only one who'd be happy to have you back. There might be some apology tour type-stuff, but for the most part... I think you'd get a warm welcome home."

Luke just gave a noncommittal grunt, and I let it go. That was a bridge we could cross later.

For now, we still had one final part of our plan to put into action.

The reason Luke had joined Kronos in the first place was because he'd been neglected by his Olympic parent, especially since his mortal parent had been in such a bad place. He'd discovered the hard way that Kronos was no better alternative, but the fact remained that the gods used their mortal children at best, and at worst completely ignored them for their entire lives.

We needed to find a third option, some middle ground way to make things better. So, we decided to be the change we wanted to see.

As legal adults with a newly moved-in apartment that had a decent amount of space, we had the power to make our home a space for demigods who had nowhere else to go. If their immortal parents were neglecting them and things weren't good with their mortal parent either, they could come to us. For a little while, or to stay for good. We made our own little sanctuary, then shared it with all the kids like us who'd needed it.

Over time, the operation expanded, and we moved into a bigger apartment with more space. Thanks in part to Luke and I, Camp Half-Blood won the war, and we were able to do even more once Kronos stopped being a threat. What had started as not much more than a dream of doing good had turned into a loud, busy, happy house with people constantly coming and going.

Which is how we'd ended up in an alleyway talking to a scared teenager, after helping defeat a monster who'd been bearing down on him.

"Who takes care of you?" asked Luke, a sympathetic and understanding frown on his face as we stood a little ways from the kid. We didn't want to make him uncomfortable, but we'd gotten good at spotting the signs of a young Half-Blood in distress and helping them.

"I take care of myself," the kid spit. I tried not to glance at Luke.

"We used to do that, too," I said, moving a little closer to Luke. "We both ran away from home, survived on the streets, although I guess we really took care of each other."

"Now, we take care of people like you," Luke continued, right where I'd left off. "Do you know what you are?"

The kid hesitated, then half shook his head. He at least had some idea, then.

"You're a Half-Blood," I said. "Half mortal, half immortal Olympian god."

"...What?"

"Look, I know it's a lot to process," said Luke. "But the longer the three of us sit in this alley, the more likely it is another monster's gonna come and pick a fight."

We managed to get the kid up and moving, heading back for our apartment. On the way, we explained more about the Olympians, and told him about Camp Half-Blood.

"It's a good place to get training, and to meet other Half-Bloods like you," I said. "A place for heroes."

"It's only one option, though," Luke added. The kid nodded, looking a little overwhelmed but excited as we stopped outside our apartment door.

"And... what's the other option?"

Luke and I shared a smile, then he pushed open the door to our apartment.

Inside, we were immediately greeted with a wave of noise and excitement. We'd left Ethan Nakamura, one of the Half-Bloods Luke had met away from camp, in charge, and he'd been leading the rest of our group in basic combat lessons.

"What... what is this place?"

"A place for normal kids who need somebody to take care of them," Luke answered. "You'll still get training, since monsters will always be trying to kill you."

"But we won't ever ask anything of you, other than to do your own damn dishes," I said. "No dangerous quests, no tribute to the gods. Just our own little makeshift family going through life together."

Luke put his arm around me, pulling me into his side and kissing my temple as Ethan noticed our newcomer and waved him over to join in the fun. Luke and I stayed where we were, watching the bubble of happiness we'd made together with smiles on our faces. We'd gone through hell and back to get here, but as far as I was concerned, every moment of pain had been worth it for Luke and I's happy ending.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury

Percy Jackson Taglist: @valkyriepirate

[rickytickychow]

Ok uhhhh initial thoughts cuz I'm SO dazed

FIRST OFF THE ANIMATION KICKED ABSOLUTE ASS WHAAAAAT the fight scenes the goofy little gags the goddamn FIGHT fight everything was so smooth and atmospheric whaaaaat

This got way longer than I anticipated lmao enjoy?

Okay so uh. As cool and awesome as the Cherub b plot was (AND SWEET AND ADORABLE THAT THE REST OF I.M.P. FOLLOWED BLITZ??? AAAAAWWWWW) I think we all Understand What's Going On there so imma dive into the MEAT of this one pun intended lol

Ummmmmm so first of Blitz VERY CLEARLY CARES AND IS ANXIOUS ABOUT SHOWING STOLAS A GOOD TIME???? But since their relationship has been technically "friends with benefits+" all he knows about Stolas is the sex stuff. He didn't even know how to describe the mood!! The MOOD!!! Alexithymic whore. He had NO idea Stolas wanted an emotional conversation because their full moon meetings were Always "hey sexy let's do this" bc they both enjoy each other's company. Blitz's problem is that he sincerely believes that anyone could truly enjoy just his company.

As for Stolas???? Goofy ass bird. Good god. Like he's outta meds he very clearly didn't mean to start their meeting with such a somber tone or make it about his book. While he was talking about Blitz being tied to him, in Blitz's view it very easily sounded like Stolas was the one who felt "tethered." Blitz outright denies this at first because of the routine they've built; he is SO attached to the idea that Stolas only wants sex because it keeps his feelings safe, so when Stolas sprung this on him and actually meant it OF COURSE he got confused.

Hot-and-cold out of meds repressed emo bird or not, Stolas should Not have started it off so emotionally without warning; he then misinterpreted what Blitz was trying to do with the gifts and attitude the imp brought. He cares about Blitz's business, but didn't make it clear that that's what he wanted to talk about. Like starting that off with "I need the book back permanently" when he REALLY should've led with anything else shows how easily a conversation can go south when two people aren't on the same page.

They both tried to do something nice for each other that the other wasn't prepared for. Blitz does care about Stolas but IMMEDIATELY assumed Stolas was getting "creative" with his advances, genuinely confused by the tone-shift compared to their previous meetings. Given the joke sinstagrams and what little full moon fuckery we see in the show, their meetings probably ALWAYS started playfully. Stolas IMMEDIATELY threw a curve ball that Blitz wasn't ready for and takes the imp's Very Inappropriate response as rejection.

It wasn't a rejection, but the way Stolas didn't think for a second WHY Blitz might not believe him to have feelings??? Or even ask???? Fucks me up but at the same time makes sense. Stolas got up and walked away because he was upset, leaving Blitz to be confused and alone in that room.

Who wouldn't get angry at that? Of course Blitz, thinking all his worst fears were being confirmed, finally lashes out about how he feels in his position. He took Stolas's initial words as "I don't want to be stuck with you anymore," found that Stolas really did want to talk about deeper feelings but never clearly expressed it, and Blitz got confused about their normal routine getting disrupted and his own efforts seemingly going unnoticed. And then Stolas leaves him alone. So fast, all of a sudden. Of course Blitz screamed after him, and Stolas doesn't know that this is how Blitz is when he's hurt and angry. It doesn't excuse the lashing out, but Stolas should not have made assumptions so quickly or turned his back on Blitz just like that. But he did, for understandable reasons:

All Stolas knows about Blitz is that his business is important to him.

All Blitz knows about Stolas is that he likes getting laid.

They do not know each other well enough for Stolas to have started that conversation immediately. There should've been a warning, a greeting, anything, but since he's off his meds and on his feels shit, Stolas doesn't get that.

Like AT LEAST SAY "Can we talk first?" Maybe call Blitz and say you have something important to discuss before springing it out of nowhere?????? But of course Stolas didn't think to do that, because he has no idea how Blitz sees himself. He has no idea that Blitz ignores his feelings in favor of actions to the point he can hardly even name them because they do not know each other.

Blitz had no idea that Stolas was being genuine. He had no idea that his push to get back into a normal routine would hurt Stolas because Blitz is not used to those honest conversations. He didn't know Stolas wasn't in the mood based on his posture because they do not know each other. Also Blitz, as we all know, can observe a room to death but cannot READ a room for shit. Autistic fucks both of them.

Stolas ran away because he felt rejected. Blitz screamed at him because he felt abandoned.

Idiots. Queer hypocritical emotionally stunted situationship of situationships I love this cartoon so much

wish my ex-relationship wasn't an early-twenties rendition of this shitshow but thats life lmao (yeah you'll never guess which half I am /sarc)

(Also so fucking cool how the crystal is attached to Blitz's glove).

[rjalker]

System Collapse is just so bad it'd be funny if not for the completely unnecessary transmisia (That doesn't even fucking make sense lofl).

So here's the things it's not:

It's not plot driven

It's not action driven

It's not mystery driven

It's not character driven

There's just 60,000 ish plus words of a whole lot of nothing happening and us being literally told things are happening.

We're told Murderbot has a Systems Collapse™ 😱 (A horrified emoji clutching its face in fear), and we're told that it's making mistakes.

As in it literally keeps going "I'd fucked that up" "Oh look another mistake I'd made" "I was useless"

But not like, actually making any real mistakes. Martha Wells is continuing the pattern of the 6 first books in the series, where we just get told Murderbot is making mistakes instead of Murderbot actually making mistakes, but this time it's even more glaringly obvious that that's what she's doing because it happens like 50 times. For no reason.

(And not even in a "Murderbot's self esteem is spiraling and it's having a horrible angsty time" way. No. It's fine except for where we keep being told it's not fine. But if you go off of what we're shown, it is, in fact, literally fucking fine. because it's bad writing.)

"not instantly noticing a door on the other side of the giant dark room" is not a mistake worth commenting on. No, not even in an in-universe sense. And especially not worth doing so what felt like fifty fucking times for things just as inconsequential.

If she wanted us to believe that Murderbot was actually making mistakes and performing at sub-optimum efficiency or whatever...how about have it fucking lead a group of humans into a room with people pointing guns at the door and someone gets shot because it wasn't paying attention or couldn't focus? Bonus points if the humans it's babysitting had been trying to draw attention to the problem but it kept shooting them down (No pun intended) and insisting it was the security and it knew what it was doing.

no, we can't do that, because that would require Murderbot to actually makes mistakes that matter.

And with Martha Wells writing, that's never gonna happen because all of her protagonists are overpowered Mary Sues who are never allowed to "lose" in any real way, and that includes making actual mistakes. (And, as many of my other posts have talked about at length, this is also why none of her characters will ever become physically disabled no matter how many times they get blown up or stabbed or shot or eviscerated)

So she's just gonna keep literally telling us that Murderbot is making mistakes about things that are not mistakes and don't actually matter. And that's all that we're ever gonna get.

Even in the book that's supposedly about Murderbot Having A Mental Breakdown 😱 (another horrified emoji).

And just like the rest of the book titles, this one has nothing to do with the actual story being told, at all. It is in fact the worst title so far because it's just so blatantly "clickbait" and a lie. lol.

I literally said aloud to Walks when I was 20 pages in, "I feel like this is gonna be a Steven Moffat".

And yeah, I was right, it literally is.

The first literal 99 pages, not even joking, are just referring to the Systems Collapse™ 😱 (another horrified emoji) the book is named for, and referring to this event, which already happened, offscreen, before this book started, as, literally, redacted.

Implying constantly that it's some huge big traumatic deal with far-reaching consequences and major impacts on our main characters.

And we literally do not even get told what this event was until literally page 99.

And then by page 101 we're done talking about it.

And we are literally told what happened. Not even shown it from Murderbot's perspective.

Because it...wasn't even aware of it at the time. It remembered sitting while the humans were talking, and then its very next memory is waking up in the medical bay, perfectly physically fine as always.

And you may be thinking in petrified horror, "oh gods, what happened during the time it doesn't remember?" and imagining all sorts of plausible and horrible scenarios.

And uhh, well I don't want this post to have any more spoilers than it already does, so I'll make like Martha Wells and just tell you: None of the things you're probably imagining, which would make sense and fit within the story and justify all this drama around the event, are what happened.

What happened, is, like the rest of this book, a whole lot of nothing.

And as I said above. This book is not driven by the plot. It's not driven by a mystery. It's not filled with action. And it's not driven by the characters or their emotions.

Nothing in this book seems to matter, except that we just keep being told it matters, like we're told Murderbot is making mistakes.

I love character-driven stories. If this book were 60+ thousand words of nothing but intense Murderbot introspection and development, I'd have loved it.

But it's not. And there's nothing else to make up for the fact that it's not. All the other books had either interesting action, interesting characters, a lot of funny things, or a lot of sad things. This has exactly none of those things.

It's not funny, it's not sad, it doesn't have any interesting character interactions, the plot, which is overly complicated and doesn't make sense, wastes a whole lot of time doing nothing, and we just keep being told that Murderbot is Especially Traumatized™ right now, but not actually shown this in any way. We did not need to be told that Murderbot was having a mental breakdown in book 5, it was fucking obvious from the way it was acting. We were shown the fact that it was breaking down.

Here? Nope. No show, all tell, and what we're being told isn't even true...probably all of the time, to be honest. There's no point where something bad happens and then Murderbot goes "that was bad". No, the telling isn't a reaction to the showing.

We just get told things and that's supposed to make them true. But that's not how storytelling works.

Oh and all the rest of the problems this series has had until now? yeah Martha Wells is still continuing those. Augmented humans AKA cyborgs AKA disabled people are still explicitly excluded from the group of "human", because Martha Wells saw The Imperial Radch series talking about how THE EVIL FUCKING EMPIRE does not consider disabled people to be human, and decided that was a cool thing to do without...the whole thing where it's evil to do so, and that's the whole fucking point.

Literally the entire point of this in The Imperial Radch is to show that dehumanizing people is something fashists do. But Martha Wells missed that part, so she's just gonna keep dehumanizing disabled people in The Murderbot Diaries as a point of course. With no contemplation by anyone or anything that hey maybe this is a bad thing to do.

She's still still making up millions of excuses to avoid freeing other enslaved people because she thinks robot rebellions are too cliche to be interesting, so the alternative is "don't free slaves whenever you get the chance because ummmm what if they're enslaved for a good reason and decide to murder everyone?" Yeah, we're on book 7 and she's still doing that shit.

She keeps showing us that Murderbot is just as overpowered as the rest of her protagonists, but all of sudden when it comes to freeing other slaves, now all of a sudden poor little Murderbot can't do anything because ummmmmmmmmmmmm it'd have to....*checks notes* hack the security system first. ya know, that thing it's done millions of times? that thing it does without hesitation or trouble literally all the time?

It's like the fucking Democrats every time they win office. Oh no, sorry, they can't actually do anything in this extremely powerful position to help people, they're actually totally powerless and um we should give them more money and more power and then they'll be able to do the bare minimum to help people Vote Blue No Matter Who [heart emoji]

Murderbot can hack anything it wants whenever it wants at any time, and only chooses not to send space stations crashing out of orbit to be polite.

But ohh, as soon as there's another enslaved SecUnit in front of it that it has the power to free, then all of a sudden um there's nothing it can do, it can't hack the security system all of a sudden.

Literally this:

[ID: The meme of someone putting on sunglasses, originally saying, "I can't read suddenly. I don't know." Now edited so the top is captioned, "Murderbot when it's given the chance to free other slaves:", with the person now saying, "I can't hack suddenly. I don't know.". End ID.]

And this isn't a character flaw, this isn't Murderbot being traumatized and falling for the same propaganda that justified it being enslaved.

No, this is all because Martha Wells thinks robot uprising and slave rebellions are too cliche. Literally. They're too cliche. And these people are enslaved because they're so dangerous. So they should stay enslaved. And we're on book fucking 7 so far. So the racism is continuing and there's no sign of it stopping any time soon.

Sarcasm: Slavery is fine apparently as long as you're scared of what the enslaved people will do if you free them! Such great morals. Definitely couldn't have been unpacked in the second book at all.

The first few books were always making excuses not to free other slaves, but they've never been so blatant about being excuses until now. There is genuinely no excuse for keeping this shit up at this point. She's already spent the first 6 books showing us how completely overpowered Murderbot is. Pretending it suddenly can't do anything only when it's time to free other enslaved people is so fucking transparent and racist. Like I said it before and this book is just further cementing the fact that these books, despite the premise, are just slavery apologism at this point. We are on book 7! Seven! you don't need seven fucking books to deal with this shit!

Anyways don't waste money buying this book. Get it from your local library or the Web Archive or borrow from a friend. It's not worth spending money on. If your local library doesn't have it yet, make an Official request for them to get it.

The only thing worth reading it for is so you can see exactly how not to tell a story, because the problems in this one are so fucking glaringly obvious at all times.

Worst Murderbot book published so far. -5/10. Do not recommend. Definitely do not spend money on it.

[mondaychildsworld]

I know the end - Joel x Reader

Previous chapter / Next chapter

Part Three / ?

Rating: M

Word Count: 5.3K

Chapter summary: In search of a vehicle you stumble upon some infected and learn some new things about each other. Reader patches Joel up and ✨✨✨!!

Warnings: Infected, (small) mention of drugs, swearing, some violence I guess, and some tiny tiny tiny amount of fluff (?!?!) (idek if thats a warning but here we go)

A/N: Sorry for taking soooo long! I've had two weeks of travel during the summer, started a full time job AND moving at the same time... Let's just say there hasn't been any time left for writing. I'm already sleep deprived lol. I've done some sporadically writing while I've had time to kill at airports and I've finally tied it all together! Enjoy!! It's definitely worth reading and you'll experience some feelings at the end, aaaah!!!

And here's my tiny taglist: @boofy1998

November 21st 2023

“Okay, so it shouldn’t be too long now!” Joel shouts as you find yourself and your companions on an old dirt road. Everything you see is still covered in white. It’s been better weather for a couple of days. The sun is shining and you’re in a better mood. 

“Yeah? You think we’ll be there today?” You ask and squint your eyes, raising your hand to your head to bring your eyes some shade from the sun. 

“Sure.” Joel simply says, but he doesn’t give you a look back. So kind of him. 

You’ve been hiking to Cheyenne for the last couple of days. It’s been going alright, despite everything. You’ve accepted the pain and the loss. It still feels like there’s a big hole in your heart. A piece of the puzzle to your soul is missing. But you’ve accepted that there’s no other option than keep going. It scares you even more to give up. You might not have anyone left to live for, but there’s got to be some sort of reason why you’re still here. Your time is not up. You know that this is not the end for you. 

Ellie puts on a mischievous smile and pulls up the book ‘No pun intended: Volume Too’. You let a small chuckle slip past your lips. Joel, who walks in front of the two of you, looks back and sees Ellie browse through the pages. 

”Oh, Ellie…” Joel starts with a sigh. The 14-year old has been reading from the pun book non stop, or kept asking questions only a FEDRA teenager would ask. She’s clearly smart, but there’s a lot about the world she doesn’t know about. She keeps being fascinated by just the smallest things. For example, could she not stop asking about how cool it was that you could go to the cinema, once you’ve stated that you often used to visit the movies. ‘You could buy popcorn?! Damn, what’s that like? I’ve never had popcorn’ she could say, and then tell you about the shitty movie night they sometimes could have at the FEDRA school on special occasions. You felt sorry for her, a kid not being able to grow up as one. 

“Who is the penguin’s favorite aunt?” she asks the both of you as she ignores Joel’s small protest. Her eyes darted between the two of you eagerly waiting for any of you to come up with the answer. 

“Oh I don’t know Ellie.” You say and your eyes and stare at the man in front of you, now walking backwards, waiting for the second half of the pun. He raises his hands as a way of surrendering to the question, he glimpses over to you and your eyes meet. You think you could see some sort of smile behind the scruffy beard and bushy eyebrows. He actually enjoys this, you think. He really doesn’t mind the puns, if you could guess. He tries to not show it though.

“Aunt-Arctica!” Ellie says with a big smile, laughs a bit and clutches the book to her chest. “That one’s good, right?”

Joel gives Ellie a quick, almost pained smile and hums something inaudible. He then looks at you again, for just a couple of seconds. It looks like he suddenly regrets resting his eyes on you and quickly looks back to Ellie again. 

“Next one Ellie?” You request another pun to keep your mind and eyes occupied on anything else than him. Because, of course, you have been looking at him, always walking in front of you. Not like there’s much else to do out here. He’s just a bit older than you, but surely still looks good. You’d guess he was very handsome when he was younger. Now he’s hiding all of that under a stern, unfriendly approach, very much directed towards you.

“Your wish is my command.” She says jokingly “So, how do you make holy water?”

You don’t know that one. Instead Joel’s face lights up, but he doesn’t say anything. 

“You know it?!” Ellie giggles loudly. 

“Yep, not gonna say it though.” He answers. 

“Oh no, no, no.” Ellie points at him with the book. “You gotta answer, because if I reveal the answer, you’ll only lie and tell me you knew it”

“I wouldn’t do that!” Joel says, jokingly defensive.

“Yes you would!” Ellie bites back. “Just say it!”

They continue to bicker about who’s going to reveal the answer to the pun as the dirt road makes a slight turn to the right and just there, in the far distance, you see it. You gasp for a second and then nervously look around y0u. They haven’t noticed. The city unveils itself in front of you. Far away, you can spot buildings and roads belonging to the city of Cheyenne.

“Guys!” You excitedly say as you try to gain their attention. But they’re in deep arguments about the pun. 

“Hey!” You try again. But with no response you reach out and lightly push Joel by his shoulder. He gives you that look again, but also looks a bit startled as to why you’re touching him. 

“Look.” You quietly say, now that you’ve gained his attention. He looks down at your hand, still on his shoulder. You quickly drop it and take a step back as he turns around to see what you’re wanting his attention for. 

“Well I’ll be damned.” He mutters and looks back at Ellie. “Welcome to Cheyenne.” 

After some time spent on foot towards the city you’re finally standing at the outskirts of the town. There’s abandoned cars all the way down Route 85 you just walked by. The whole way over here Joel had been holding a firm grip on his rifle. The lighthearted laughs and the kind gaze was completely gone. He’s now in a whole other mood. He’s on a mission, and his focus is now 100% on the plan of action for the town in front of you. 

“Hey, remember what I said?” Joel says to the group, and it seems more like a statement than a question. 

“Go through, be quiet, find a car and get out of here.” Ellie answers, pleased to show Joel that she’s able to listen, before she adds, ”Please can I use my gun?” 

Joel steps over a pile of metal trash that’s blocking your way into entering the town. Both you and Ellie follow. You can see that he considers Ellie’s request for a moment, and quickly settles for a positive answer, if you’d ask Ellie herself. 

“Sure.” He says as he reaches out a hand for you to grab, as you make your way down from the old scrap pile. “But only when I say so.”

You just give him a glare back, and let the silence speak for itself. You don’t need help over this little obstacle. Joel sighs and offers his hand to Ellie, instead of you. Ellie, who apparently liked you, takes up on your way of refusing help and jumps down from the pile by herself. There’s an awful lot of noise when little pieces of old junk follow her on the way down, metal slamming into the concrete ground. 

Joel squeezes his eyes shut and draws his hand back, now raking through his hair. Definitely annoyed. 

“Ellie! What did I just say!” He hisses before he looks around for any kind of movement from the silent city. 

“Sorry…” Ellie apologizes.

The silence is almost eerie. It’s like it’s too quiet. There’s no way this city is empty. If there aren't any humans that made up a safe camp in any nearby building, you wouldn’t be surprised to stumble upon one or two infected. You kind of hoped for the later, humans often meant more trouble. And you can’t always shoot your way out of trouble. Like last time. 

Of course, it’s also the humans who bring the silence. Not the other way around. Many of the infected can make an awful lot of noise. 

But this time you seem to be safe, as you slowly make your way into the city. The open view you had over the landscape slowly disappears as you make your way into the heart of the city, away from the interstates. You tightly cling to your gun. You’re nervous. But you would never confess it. 

Your eyes roam the streets for a car that isn’t burned out, has a flat tire or just looks like complete junk.

Joel leads the group further into the center of the town. You jump over the guardrail and start to miss the wide open space you just left behind. 

You glimpse over your shoulder and see Ellie walking as if you were out on a high school field trip. The nervous feeling in your belly does not give you the same easy going appearance. Maybe it’s because you’ve been out here for longer than her, or it is because you remember what cities like this might’ve looked like before. 

Cheyenne is that kind of city that isn’t huge, but still pretty large. You pass a couple of motels at the outskirts of the town. They look worn down and you don’t even want to know what could be hiding inside. You know all too well that places like that look very inviting when you’re tired, hungry and on the run from the mess that this world turned out to be. 

About half an hour later you’re way further into the town than you’re actually comfortable with. You’ve passed many vehicles by now, only to find most of them out of gas or with a flat tire, which doesn’t feel like a good sign. 

“I’m not feeling great about this.” You say after you checked another vehicle, which turned out to have a dead battery. 

“I know.” Joel mumbles. “But we need that car.”

There’s a wrinkle in between his brows. Worried. 

“Let’s have a look in here, maybe?” Ellie asks and gestures towards the supermarket on the next block. 

“You won’t find anything in there.” Joel says. 

“Especially not a car.” You add. 

You look up at the sky. The sun is going to set soon. This time of the year doesn’t bring you that much daylight. 

“I’m hungry.” Ellie simply states. 

Joel nods silently towards Ellie and then looks over to you. 

“If you want to, you can try out the rest of the cars down the street, and I’ll see if I can find her something to eat.”

You hesitate at his words, suggesting leaving you alone on the street. He must’ve seen how the idea he just proposed made you uneasy. 

“We’ll be in for just a few minutes, there’s probably not anything left anyway.” He speaks quietly, calmly. 

You nod, and watch them walk toward the supermarket while you continue to try out the cars on the street. 

The next couple of cars turn out to be a disappointment. Flat tire. Flat tire. Crashed. Broken windshield. Totally burnt out. Flat tire. 

But then you see a car a couple of vehicles away that actually looks promising. You look around, keeping a steady hand on the trigger as you slowly walk up to the truck and open the door. You take a few steps back and aim into the truck. 

Empty. 

You sigh with relief. The car looks way too good to have been standing here since the outbreak. Someone must’ve left it here not too long ago. 

You jump into the car seat and immediately start working on hot-wiring the car. 

You hear the engine kicking to life and you let out a happy shriek in the car, you’re just about to turn around and get out of the car to go get Joel and Ellie when you hear a loud crash. 

The smile on your lips suddenly fades away and is now turned into a frown. You turn your head towards the sound. At the same time you see shatters of glass on the ground, just outside the supermarket. And a body. There’s a body on the ground. 

“No!” You yell and throw yourself out of the car. It can’t be Ellie. It’s too big. Your heart sinks as you realize that it could be Joel’s body laying there lifeless on the street. That means that Ellie could be left alone inside. But not totally alone. Alone with a threat, even worse. 

You sprint up to the body and yell for Ellie at the same time. You draw your gun and as you are just a few steps away from the body, you realize it’s not Joel. It’s an infected. Shot in the head, blood pooling around the fungi covered body. 

You hear your name being yelled and look through the broken supermarket window. 

Your eyes meet Joel’s. 

There’s panic and fear at the same time as they’re determined. 

“Get the car!” He yells at you, and as you turn around and run towards the truck there’s gunshots. 

So much happens at the same time. Your pulse has skyrocketed in just a few seconds. You jump into the car and quickly reverse it back towards the supermarket. You need to get to safety. All of you. 

As you reverse back you keep looking into the rearview window. When you’re about halfway you see two people running out from the supermarket. Joel and Ellie… tightly followed by a bunch of infected. You don’t have time to count them, but it seems to be around half a dozen of them. 

Just as you slow down to let them into the truck, when they’re just a few meters behind, it happens. You feel something graze your shoulder. You turn your head and see how an infected is leaning into the car through the open window of the passenger seat. 

Panic sets in your body at once and you scream as you push the break down. The jaw of what once seemed to be a teenage boy clatters violently after your skin and flesh. You reach for your gun with shaky hands. 

“Help!” You scream as you accidentally drop your gun to the floor. You don’t have time to search for it now. The infected boy keeps crawling into the car through the window and you try to shove it back without getting bitten as you’re now pressed up against the door of the car.

A couple of seconds later the door opens abruptly. You nearly fall out but your back lands against something warm and firm. You see a rifle above your head as you try to grasp anything to hold onto. A second later the infected is shot and dead and you’re being roughly pulled up by strong arms. 

Soon you realize what’s happening. Joel pushes you back into the seat. He shot the infected and saved you. 

“Than-“ You start to thank him, but are abruptly interrupted by a gasp and some cursing from behind Joel. 

He turns around to face Ellie, who stumbles up behind him, white as a sheet. 

He raises his rifle and shoots off the infected that has now gotten uncomfortably close to Ellie. 

He gives her a worried look and tells her to get in the truck. She jumps into the backseat as he rushes to the passenger seat, still shooting at the infected closing up to the car. 

As soon as Joel has dragged the dead body out of the car and you all have taken a seat you press down on the gas pedal as hard as you can. The car speeds away quickly and you leave the scene behind. 

“What the hell happened in there?!” You exclaim and look up into the mirror, back at Ellie. She stays quiet, fumbles with the hem of her shirt and gives Joel a worrying look. She ignores your question and the looks you give through the mirror. 

You try and navigate your way out of the city, without stumbling upon even more surprises. That was a close call, for all of you. 

“Joel…” Ellie quietly says. You give them a quick glance through the mirror. He’s already leaning back to Ellie in the passenger seat. 

You make a quick turn to the left. The pressing silence in the car is obvious. You just escaped death yet another time, this wasn’t the end either. 

At the same moment you steer the car straight up the street you just turned to, you catch a glimpse of Ellie in the backseat. It’s for just a second, before she pulls her sleeve down again. But you see it. The bite mark. 

You freeze in your seat. Your knuckles turn white as your grip on the steering wheel tightens. Fuck.

“You’re infected.” You say with a shaky voice. “I’m so sorry Ellie, I’m so sorry but we can’t-“

Your voice breaks. You feel tears approaching and you swallow and try to gather your thoughts. Ellie is just a girl and her days are counted. 

“No.”

It’s Joel who speaks up. 

“Yes. You know how this will end.” You answer. 

“You don’t understand.”

“Yes I do. I’ve seen people getting bit before.”

He calmly observes you for a second. It’s frustrating how he doesn’t seem to even give Ellie some sort of reaction towards her new death sentence. 

“There’s no way out of this.” You continue. 

“Just drive.” He says sternly before leaning back again to Ellie. “You’ okay?”

His tone changes completely as soon as he speaks to her instead of you. They continue to mumble with each other for a minute. That’s when you decide that you’ve had enough. You’ve driven a couple of blocks away from the group of infected and decide that you’re at a safe distance. You push the break. 

“What are you doing?!” Ellie asks, frightened, holding onto Joel’s headrest as the car stops abruptly. 

“You’re infected and you two can’t continue to ignore that fact.” You say and cross your arms. “What the fuck is this?”

“Jesus, just-“ Joel says and rakes his fingers through his silver sprained hair. “Just move the fucking car and we’ll sort this out.”

“Please enlighten me, how do we ‘sort this out’ now?” You ask as you grab the steering wheel again. “She’s infected.”

“I’m not.” A quiet voice says from behind. 

“Ellie.” Joel warns her. 

You reluctantly start to drive the truck again, through the streets like they’re a maze to get out of this town. You did get a car, at least. Mission complete. In one way. 

“What do you mean Ellie?” You sigh. “I saw the bite mark.” 

“We should just tell her, Joel.” 

“Ellie! You agreed not to-“

“Yeah, I know.” She says. “But what if she just decides to, I don’t know, kill me in my sleep now?!” 

“She won’t.” He says and makes a distressed grimace before he covers his face with his large hands. “You know what, fuck it.”

He sighs and turns to you. 

“She’s immune.”

“Joel, that’s impossible.”

“It’s not.” He says. “I’ve… I’ve seen it.”

“What do you mean?”

Ellie leans forwards and pops her head between the two of you. She props her arms up on your seats. 

“I’ve been bitten before, but I’ve never turned.” She says and looks over to Joel. “He wanted to shoot me at first too but here we are, on this road trip towa-“

“That’s enough.” Joel chimes in.

Ellie puts her arm between the two of you, over the gear shift. It’s the opposite arm from what you saw in the mirror just a couple of minutes ago. She pulls her sleeve up and you glance down. It’s obviously a bite mark. It’s definitely cordyceps, but totally healed. Ellie’s left with only a scar. 

“Oh.” You say. That’s the only thing you can say. You’re shocked, confused and still a bit stressed out from the incident. Ellie rolls her sleeve down again and a silence falls over all of you as you drive your way out of town.

About an hour later you’re far away from Cheyenne. You had driven west, trying to stay away from the big roads. Ellie has fallen asleep in the backseat, mouth slightly open. 

There’s been nothing but silence between you and Joel since you found out about Ellie’s immunity. He’s been reading the map and pointing out which way to go. But other than that, you hadn’t spoken. 

“Joel…” You start, silently, to not wake Ellie up. You glance into the mirror but she hasn’t moved an inch. 

You get a grumpy humming sound as a response. 

“Why are you here?”

“What?” He answers, and sounds tired. 

“Why are you and Ellie here?” You ask. “It’s pretty weird, you’ve just showed up in the middle of the woods, with an immune kid?”

He’s quiet. 

“You show up with a teenage girl, who’s apparently immune? I know you well enough to know that this is not your style. You’ve given me such a hard time this week. So what am I supposed to do? Don’t you understand that I’m freaking out here?”

 Your rambling trails off. There are a few more seconds of silence before he speaks. 

“Don’t act like you know me.”

“Oh, so you’re still going to give me the cold shoulder? It’s not like I expected a warm welcome from you, but this? You’re just so unfriendly for no reason at all. I left my sister for dead about a week ago and you just shut me out, it’s like you have no empathy left in your soul.”

“I-“ He starts but stops himself, taking a couple of seconds to decide what to say or not. “I don’t… it’s complicated and I never asked for this.” 

“Yeah?” You ask. “Fucking complicated, no doubt about that.” 

He doesn’t give a proper answer, but you hear him grunt something you really can’t make out.

It’s dark outside. All you see is the stars scattered over the dark blue sky and the small road in front of you. Your eyes have been on the hunt for a good place to camp. At least you can sleep in the car now, as a backup plan.  

Your stomach rumbles a bit. You haven’t eaten since yesterday, since the supermarket visit hadn’t gone as planned. Joel looks out the passenger window. You’re stuck here together in the car, so you suppose that’s all he can do as he tries to ignore you again. He’s slowly scratching his beard with his hand. 

Suddenly he pauses and raises his hand up to the window. He points out in the dark at the same time as he finally speaks up. 

“Drive over there.” The tiredness in his tone is changed into something else, something more hopeful. “Old cabin.”

You slow down and turn to the right, into an overgrown dirt road. Once, it might’ve been covered by gravel. Now it’s barely visible. 

Now you see the small cabin too. It’s not big, but it looks sturdy, after all these years left abandoned. You pull up next to it and Joel looks back at Ellie, still asleep, before grabbing his rifle. 

“Wait here.” He says and his dark eyes meet yours. You just nod and feel the breeze of cold air finding its way into the car as he opens the door and leaves. You feel like shit.

He’s gone for a couple of minutes and you sit there frozen, the whole time. This whole situation is fucked up. You’re left in the car with a possibly, or possibly not, infected kid in the middle of nowhere. 

Soon Joel comes back and opens the backseat door next to Ellie but pauses and looks over at you for a second. He nods back towards the house to say ‘all good, let’s go’. Carefully he grips her shoulder and shakes her slightly.

You hear her mumble and shuffle out from the truck, with Joel’s arm around her shoulders as they make their way into the cabin. You sit silently in the car for a moment before you turn the engine off. The lights turn off and the backs of your two companions disappear just like your source of light. It takes a couple of seconds to get your eyes used to the dark. You take a deep breath and open the driver's door and step out onto the frozen ground. The flashlight blinks a bit as you click the power button and you need to firmly hit it against the palm of your hand before the flickering stops. The solid stream of light leads you up to the cabin, backpack slung over your shoulder. Your breath creates a frozen cloud in front of you as you exhale deeply before you enter the cabin. 

Once you’re inside, you can see that the cabin's layout is basically just one big room. The small kitchen is located in the right corner. It’s small and full of stuffed animals on the wall, hunting trophies. You suppose this cabin must’ve been an old hunting cabin. The room is sparsely furnished. A couch is placed in the middle of the room, with a small and dusty coffee table in front. Ellie is already fast asleep on the couch. On the wall next to the kitchen, a big fireplace dominates most of the wall, with a big head of a deer hanging right over it. 

In front of the fireplace you find a hunched down figure, which is Joel, trying to get a fire going.

You nervously look out of the windows, trying to make sure that no one, or nothing, followed you out here. You close the curtains and take a look in the cabinets of the kitchen but with no luck. They’re all empty of anything edible, but are stashed with some outdoor equipment, some plates, and a first aid kit, but it looks pretty beat up so you just suppose there isn’t anything of use in there. You sigh and awkwardly turn around to face the room. In front of the fireplace, in the cabin's only armchair, Joel  sits slumped down with his head down, focusing on his hands.

There’s no other comfortable place to sit, other than the floor. You consider going back out to sleep in the car, even if that’s an option you’re not too keen on.

Joel noticed your awkward stance in the kitchen and you caught his stare. His mouth is slightly open and his eyes look tired. He blinks a couple of times and then pulls out his sleeping bag from his backpack next to him, as if he could read your mind. 

“Take it.” He says and holds the sleeping bag out towards you, like a peace offering. 

You slowly walk towards him and the fireplace, not breaking eye contact. As soon as you reach out and grab the sleeping bag his attention goes back to his other hand. You glance down and see that he’s hurt. There’s a cut in the soft flesh between his thumb and index finger, and his knuckles are bruised. 

“Hey, let me help you.” You say as you bend down and try to grab his hand but he shoves your hand away and mutters something.

You take a step back and remember the first aid kit in the kitchen cabinet. You walk over there and open the door, grab the small back and start to dig through its contents. It’s mostly empty, but - bingo! - a roll of gauze bandage. 

Joel looks reluctantly at you as you bend down on the sleeping bag in front of him again. You give him a look and he sighs as he slowly places his hand in yours, which is already reached out for his. 

You take your bottle of water and start cleaning the wound and Joel hisses and drags his hand back a bit.

“I know something better.” He breathes out in pain. 

“There’s this bar cart…” He gestures behind him and you nod and walk behind the armchair. Against the wall there is indeed a small bar cart, mostly covered in old boxes for ammunition, a dirty old whiskey glass and some dusty old gloves, but on the lower shelf there are a couple of almost empty bottles. You grab a glass bottle with a clear liquid and open it. You sniff carefully and it’s clearly still pretty strong after all these years in solitude.

You walk back to Joel and bend down in front of him, again. This time you grab his hand and you pause for a second. This almost feels too intimate. You hesitate to continue and you’re once again faced with that awkward feeling you had in the kitchen before. Joel places his other hand on yours, and holds it tight with both hands. You look up and meet his gaze. You must look terrified, like a deer in the headlights. How did you allow yourself to get this close to Joel? How did he even allow it?! The man who’s been more hostile than gracious towards you - is now holding your hand in a way you’d never imagine. You wish you had gone back to sleep in the truck, or that your stash of pills wasn’t long gone. You wanted to remove yourself from the situation, or at least numb the anxiety in your chest. 

“It’s okay.” Joel assures and slowly lets go of your hand so you’re left with only the injured one, resting heavily in yours. 

You slowly start to dab the cut on his hands clean with the alcohol that you found. You clean his knuckles and can’t help but study his hands even more. They’re big, rugged and firm in contrast to yours - which are rather the opposite to yours. They might not be as smooth and pretty as they used to be, but now, compared to his, it doesn’t look like you’ve been through an apocalypse at all. 

“Fuck.” He grits his teeth and tries to stay quiet to not wake up the sleeping teenager on the couch. The alcohol must sting in the cut. 

You start to wrap the gauze around his hand and the cut once everything looks clean.

“How did you…?” You mumble as you secure the gauze, but you don’t let go of his hand. He doesn’t move either. You feel your pulse rise. 

“The glass door of the supermarket.” He mumbles and starts to stroke your hand with his thumb. The movement makes your skin tingle. But for him, it must hurt. Despite that, he keeps going. “Or the window, I don’t know.”

You just nod. You don’t know what to say. Or if you even can say anything. You’re terrified and totally consumed by his skin brushing against yours, and his honest, almost vulnerable gaze. 

“Look, I…” He starts but trials off just as Ellie mumbles something.

You both draw your hands back and your eyes quickly dart over to the couch. Ellie smacks her lips slowly and her mouth stays open just a bit, before she starts to snore.

The spot Joel’s thumb kept brushing at your hand suddenly feels cold. You shiver a little bit and almost feel caught in the act of something… Something you weren’t supposed to do. No, that was nothing. That was only an act of gratitude for patching him up. Nothing else. You didn’t even want it to be anything else, you tried to tell yourself. But somehow something had shifted in the air between the two of you. You had told him he had given you the cold shoulder, that he’d been nothing but unfriendly to you and maybe he felt ashamed of his bad behavior. You didn’t need to be friends, but maybe he realized that you at least could be equals.

You quietly slipped into his sleeping bag between Joel and the fireplace. You didn’t want to continue the conversation he started, didn’t want to hear what he had to say. You didn’t want to ruin this moment. You placed your backpack on the floor to use a pillow and slowly sank down, making yourself comfortable. You could hear the cracking of the fire and Joel’s steady breaths as you drifted off to sleep. The sleeping bag smells like dust, wood and Joel.

[bergens-adventure-tours]

Week 3: February 27th- March 5th, 2023 // Just Be

I think the biggest thing I’m learning through this experience is how to slow down.  Now of course it’s significantly easier to make time for slowing down when you’re not employed and have nothing BUT time to frolic at leisure.  But, what I think I’m really learning is how important, necessary and (maybe?) easy it is to bring into your everyday life – it just becomes a matter of shifting priorities and recognizing the power just 5minutes can have. I spent a lot of time on my own last year, working on myself, growing, healing, learning – but I think I was too focused on “doing” rather than just “being.”  

I think the experiences I had last year were incredibly important, and valuable, and ultimately put me in the direction I’ve always wanted to head, but I think slowing down might be the thing that is the next focus for me as I move through this next chapter.  Taking more time to notice the little things, connecting more to my values, challenging myself in more mindful ways rather than always looking for “what’s next,” becoming more attentive of my mind and body to discover what it’s really capable of.  Ultimately, investing time into my wellbeing.

---

I’ve had a really beautiful and adventurous week, filled with solitude in the mountains, and community back in the city.

I hiked the Tarn Shelf loop in Mount Field National Park and my goodness was it ever stunning!  It turned out to be just under 15km and 571m of elevation gain – overall body was feeling pretty good. The first half of the loop was completely uninterrupted views of the surrounding mountains and lakes, while the second half took me through a variety of forests.  Managed to complete it in just under 4.5 hours, leaving me with plenty of time in the evening to relax.

The coolest bucket list item got checked off this evening – there’s a short little trail from the Mount Field Campground to Russell Fall’s, and just before the falls there’s a fenced off section where you can witness glow worms!  This felt like such a childlike magical experience as I reminisced on my love and intrigue for fairies when I was little.  It’s experiences like this that remind you just how beautifully magical this world really is, how important it is that we protect these wild spaces, and how much wonder curiosity can bring you.

---

The next morning, I finished my book “Care” by Brooke McAlary (a really beautiful book I’ll definitely be reading again and recommend everyone should read) and took what started as just a little stroll to see Russell Falls in daylight, turned to a 7km round trip to view a few more waterfalls.  I honestly just started walking with no real intentions for anything specific, other than to explore, move my body, and see where I ended up.

---

March 2nd I think has been one of my most favourite days so far for such a variety of reasons.

1.     I finally learned how to belay a top rope climb outside AND how to belay a lead climb!

2.     I spent more time existing in the moments and enjoying them as they were, without feeling the need to document all the little moments. (Meaning I have no photos from my first outdoor climb lol)

3.     I was reminded of the beauty and importance of community and connecting with people, being fully present, and the power of cooking a good meal (dessert included) with friends, for friends.

Sam spent a good few hours showing me the ropes of outdoor climbing (shitty pun very much intended hehe) on a rock-face just 5min from their house! It mostly consisted of harder routes rating 20+, but I did manage to complete the 17 and one of the 21’s! I’ve spent the last few year’s gym bouldering on and off, and let me tell you… outdoor top rope climbing is a whole other experience and a sport I may have fallen in love with… (maybe I’ll write a separate post on my experience before I turn this week’s update into a full novel…).

Then Sam and I got groceries together to cook dinner+dessert for the rest of the house! Something I’ve really admired and loved about Alissa’s house is how much thoughtfulness her and her roommates put into their time together, especially for dinners. Schedules don’t often line up for doing big outings, but it’s so normal for someone to say “hey I’m making this for dinner, wanna join?” and they’ll just pool their groceries together and take turns cooking for one another on the nights they’re all home.  It’s so simple, and maybe a lot more normalized in other homes than I realize – but for me, I feel like I’m experiencing it for the first time, and it makes me reflect on how important little moments like this are for your happiness and mental health.  

---

I pride myself on how independent I am, my ability to be comfortable/thrive on my own, and how much a value my alone time.  But life requires balance – meaning for me, having these small, intimate moments of connection with people who were strangers just 3 weeks ago, and have now become lifelong friends, is crucial to me living my life to its absolute fullest.   And what better way to do that than cooking (quite possibly the best) vegan burgers and baking delicious caramel chocolate hazelnut banana’s for dessert (it was incredible, I still drool thinking about it lol), and laughing at all the Shrek jokes that went over your head as a kid.

---

The next couple days involved more errands, van fixes, quality naps, lots of walking, cutting my own hair, guitar playing, more great food + movies, first yoga class at Equalise studio, and ending the week on a challenging short hike on Mount Wellington with another beautiful sunset dinner.

This upcoming week is looking like much of the same as I make the most of my last month here in Tasmania.  Crazy to think it’s already (and only?!) been 3 weeks here!

---

For those who actually make it through these posts, I’d love to know what type of format you’d like these updates in! Do you like the detailed descriptions of my days? More sparknote versions of my week? Would you prefer separate, more detailed posts on highlighted topics + adventures? I have SO much more I want to share, but am of course mindful of what may or may not be enjoyable for others to read.  Your feedback is always super valuable and helps me get a better idea of what you guys want out of these posts and what type of content you’re interested in!

Stay passionate and curious, Hunter♡

03/06/2023

[sweetestpopcorn]

i've just seen someone tweeting tb&tg with a pic from that show and i immediately thought of you dkwhskuqis i laughed so hard at the middle of the class. also, stans of that show are annoying af but book readers adore you and your blessed fanfics on twitter [as they should]!! just wanted to tell, take care of yourself <3

-twrgaryen

Hi there twrgaryen! ❤️

How are you?

Btw I am in your debt but I vow to get my hands on your oneshot soon 🙏🏻 It's taking a while but I will get there I promise ❤️

About that... oh... oh joy

I won't lie, I feel bad because I have had the experience of people sending me things and saying they liked my fic... but then I see pics of redacted... and I just have a strong (pun intended cause there was no Strongs anywhere in redacted) reaction of absolute hatred and contempt, not at the people but at THAT.

The rational part of me is like don't be harsh on people, this is maybe how they got exposed to the names of these characters (not to the actual characters lol, even because personalities do 180's from scene to scene), but then I just... I know I am a b:tch sometimes, please forgive me. But my distaste and hatred of this steaming pile of cr@p cannot be overstated. I just *cries* I just want to stay away from this all!

K, rant done. I need to see this XD print?

Yeah... that person might not know I hate redacted more than.... the list is too long. Still all the things in redacted that are jokes and all the changes from canon are way longer!

Send me please!

Some people on twitter get me blushing like... y'all know I am a loser and I suck right? Right?!

But I am very grateful 🥺 truly!

Ah and to the person who said Redacted was outsold by my fic and that part 1 was mostly smut XD It's also petty fights. Don't forget the petty fights please, I am very proud of those 🥰 And Daemon's fully functioning d_ck. That cannot be overstated in the year of our lord of 2022.

I hope you are doing well and thank you so much for the concern.

And may our Lord and Saviour Baby Cheeks Aegon the Cutest save you all because IT'S OVER!!!!!!! SH:T STORM IS OVER!!!!!!!! BYE!

RIP (rest in parody) Redacted.

All the love to you!

PS: I have asks as old as one year. WOW. I really suck. I will get to all of you soon(ish).

[tundesweb]

4th of July 

(18+)

Old story I need to continue (unedited version) (if you knew me since I was GoddessTunde you probably read the edited version that aint have a backstory) (Im tired of keeping all ts in my notes app lol)

What are the odds that the most pro black family

has their eldest son Jherico born on July 4th 1999 making him 23 yrs old today.

Every year his family threw him a counter party where they made it clear that it was a birthday celebration. They were always grateful for the day off however 

The Morrilaje family owned various properties in Atlanta and were well known 

Jherico had oversight over the overarching family business was planning to give it to his younger brother as he wanted to focus on creating technological advancements for the world as well as his family’s businesses

All the security systems including internet processing was over seen by him 

Jherico himself blended his intellect with his knowledge of business administration 

he thinks like business owners and knows their weaknesses and marketing products to that 

some could say that’s cold but at least he’s helping 

he has a free summer program for black youth 

that is mostly remote but on fridays they come in to learn hands on by him, the center is open   7 days and is sorta like a community library there’s a cafe. books etc and even a rec room

The Morrilaje love this as they can donate lots of money for tax purposes to a corporation which is outside of their company but they basically know exactly what where how and why etc 

July 4th, 11:30 AM

Lola and Jherico are parked in the underground family lot

they were earlier than expected and decided to have an impromptu deep conversation about the course of their relationship 

lola began to tear up and say i love you and appreciate you so much. 

he says aww my love don’t cry and wipes her tears

the weird thing about lola is that affection makes her horny 

so now she’s looking at him with a stare that could erect a deadman’s pistol 

she then says you take such good care of me

can i take care you baby 

he says you take care of me as well darling but she just ignores him and pulls down his shorts and grabs his semi hard dick

with her other hand she brings his face close to hers and begins kissing him 

he deepens their kiss and she breaks it first and begins to kiss on his neck, on the tattoo he got of her middle name 

she can feel his dick get rock hard in her hands and she moans 

ooo it turns me on to know i turn you on

she then crawls in between his legs 

pulls his shorts down even lower 

which he kicks off and then 

she begins to kiss on his shaft 

she then starts spitting on his dick while massaging his balls 

his dick is so tall that on her knees she has to rise up to reach the top

she then puts the tip in her mouth and with a vacuum like suction begins to make her way down taking her time nice and slow until she reaches his balls  she then sticks out her tongue so that they don’t feel left out

while and the base of his dick she looks up at him to see him looking down at her with adoration in his eyes. A sucker for approval (no pun intend) she begins to bob her head up 

and down making while gulping and gagging noises. she then pulls it out her mouth and begins slapping her face with it and drags her mouth along the sides. while looking up and him she asks if he wants to cum down her throat or on her pretty face. because she was in a silly goofy mood she decides to suck the tip while one hand is stroking his shaft and the other massages his balls. she can feel that he’s close so she decides to suck harder while moaning because she loves pleasing a man who pleases her. at this point he begins to fuck her mouth like a pussy and she rests her hands on his thighs as they both enjoy the feeling of his dick gliding down her throat he places one hand on her neck slightly choking her and starts talking dirty to her

you think you can just suck my dick like this and get away with it 

she just moans 

he grabs her neck a little firmer 

and says answer me 

she try her best to say no baby with dick in her mouth but it just sounds like ooo bbb with bubbles at best 

at his point her pussy is dripping wet and she’s glad they keep extra panties in the car 

she looks up at him and telepathically tells him 

my pussy is so wet rn. i want to ride that dick so bad 

in her mind he says i know but 

they never break eye contacts as he groans and pumps his cum down her throat 

like the nasty niggas he is 

he pulls her into his lap by her neck and they share a sloppy nasty ass kiss 

he then whispers into her ear that he isn’t done with her yet and she can feel his dick get hard again 

she grabs his dick and sits on with no warning they both moans and 

he just bites her neck 

and says you been showing out today don’t forget who’s in charge 

in one swift motion he reclines the seat all the way back grips the back of her neck while his other hand is around her waist 

with his feet planted on the ground he begins to piston into her. knocking the wind out of her 

she can do much but whimper and moan as he has her locked in position so she just kisses on his chest and drools a little 

as he in her ear telling to be a good girl and cum on his dick, tell me you love me (ily baby i love you so much) 

he then pulls her braids back and kisses and sucks all over neck chest and nipples 

biting her nipples and then sensually sucking on them 

this brings her over to the edge and he holds even tighter because he knows she loves to be held when she cums 

the pulsations from her wet pussy were too

much for him and him pulls out and cums all over ass smearing it like a paintbrush and her booty the canvas as they both catch their breath he places kisses on her forehead.

they lay like that for a while until he reaches over and grabs the wipes to clean them off 

i’m sleepy now she says 

he says we have a long day ahead of us 

that they did… 

[vargaslovinghours]

Avoid it all, that’ll solve it

[conscious-love]

Hi there. I’m having trouble with forgiving myself over past mistakes. I have a perfectionist mind and when I think I was not perfect my mind will randomly remember it during quiet moments in my day. How do I forgive myself? Also, I love the blue in your blog! Thank you for your time and have a lovely day :)

First of all, LOL to your username 😂 And thanks! Blue is my favourite colour 💙

Edit: they changed their username

So, hello! 👋🏻 I’m all too familiar with perfectionism, and I know what it’s like to wrestle with guilt. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

It feels like perfectionism is simply a fear of failure, and it is that, but more than that, it is rooted in fear of being shamed by others. This can stem from childhood: parents who only praised us for achievements, being known as the “gifted kid” or “the smart one,” parents/peers who ridiculed/rejected us, an insecure attachment style, and so on.

It can sometimes be connected to OCD. That said, not every perfectionist has OCD and not everyone with OCD is a perfectionist.

Sometimes it is just learned behaviour — it’s because our family was that way.

And sometimes a traumatic and/or deeply embarrassing event can trigger it. Traumatic events include things we’ve done wrong; in fact, the literature on trauma has shown that we are more deeply traumatized by “bad” things we’ve done than the things that have happened to us.

Regardless of the cause, perfectionism is highly treatable. Re-wiring our brain is not easy, but it gets easier with practice. It’s about finding the right resources and techniques, being consistent in practicing, and having compassion for ourselves.

The antidote to perfectionism is self-compassion. Because perfectionism is rooted in fear of shame, the way to overcome this affliction is to be kind to ourselves, and to teach ourselves to be okay with “good enough,” instead of viewing it as failure. This really is all about re-framing our thoughts around success, productivity, failure, flaws, and ultimately — worthiness.

It’s very common for anxious and ruminating thoughts to enter our mind while we’re at rest. Our response is often to keep ourselves busy, but this is not an effective long-term strategy. You’ve got to face those thoughts head-on (pun intended). If you don’t get to the root of the problem, you’ll never untangle it. Not only that, the problem will compound.

So how do we combat these ruminating thoughts about failure and guilt? You’ve already alluded to the answer — forgive yourself. Here’s what I know about failure, guilt, and self-forgiveness:

All forgiveness starts with acceptance. You have to admit to yourself that you are not perfect, that you’ve made mistakes, and that you will continue to make mistakes almost every day for the rest of your life. This does not mean resigning to mediocrity, and it does not mean shaming yourself. It is neutral. You are not perfect. You make mistakes. That’s just the way it is.

Once it’s sunk in that you are not, in fact, perfect, it’s time to accept that you’re not supposed to be perfect, and that you never will be. Accepting you’re not perfect is one thing, but if you still have it in your mind that you’re going to keep trying until you’re perfect one day, you’ll remain stuck in this cycle of anxiety and shame.

You need to internalize the reality that by virtue of being human, you are imperfect. To quote Brené Brown, “you are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” On that note, definitely check out Brené Brown, she’s freaking amazing — she’s a research professor and the world’s leading authority on vulnerability and shame. Here is her first Ted Talk called The Power Of Vulnerability and here is her second one called Listening To Shame. Her books are great as well; here is a list of her books. I also enjoy her podcast, Unlocking Us; here is a link to it on Apple Podcasts, and here is a link to it on Spotify. I’m seeing now that she actually has another podcast as well, called Dare To Lead; it’s not on Apple Podcasts, but here is the link to it on Spotify.

Anyway, where I was going with that was, you are imperfect because you are human, and that is a good thing. If you were perfect, no one on earth would want to be near you for very long. You would make people feel inadequate, and they would not feel truly understood. They would not feel like they can open up to you, or that they have anything to truly bond over. You would only ever have surface-level interactions. Being imperfect is vulnerable, and you can’t have true connection without vulnerability. Not only should you forgive your imperfection, you should embrace it! 🤍

Messing up and falling short don’t exactly feel good, but they don’t have to feel like the end of the world either. In fact, with practice, you can let failure motivate, not discourage you. Making a mistake brings you one step closer to mastery. Learning that you’re wrong is a blessing; it reorients you on your way to finding the truth. Without mistakes, you wouldn’t be able to walk today. You wouldn’t know how to read, unless you were born with the magical ability to download information instantaneously. We fail forward, that is how we learn and gain competency. Failure is our signal that we’ve done something wrong, and that we need to reassess and recalibrate. It’s valuable feedback, and it’s necessary for growth and success.

Guilt is useful insofar that it gives you feedback about your decisions; it teaches you lessons, guides you to live in alignment with your morals, and helps you be loving and fair in your relationships. But once you’ve learned the lesson or received the feedback, you need to drop that shit immediately. Harbouring guilt beyond its utility is not noble, it’s self-destructive, and harmful to the people around you. Maybe you’re wondering how that could be. “Aren’t these people the most sorry? Aren’t they the last person who’d cause harm?” Counterintuitive as it sounds, I’ll explain why it’s harmful. Being around someone with a guilt complex is exhausting. They often project their insecurities onto you, accusing you of insulting their morals or intentions. You have to walk on eggshells around them to avoid triggering a shame spiral. You hear them say the same things over and over again, ruminating over their mistakes but never learning their lesson (which means embodying it, not just thinking and talking about it). You watch them make poor decisions because they don’t feel worthy of good things, and it hurts watching someone you love do that to themselves. It’s paradoxical. People hold on to guilt because they’re worried about being a “bad person” or a “failure.” Little do they know, pathological guilt (aka shame) morphs a person into someone who is far from virtuous. Chronic guilt makes people self-centred, because everything reminds them of their suffering. It makes them afraid of vulnerability, and the inability or unwillingness to be vulnerable is cowardice. Furthermore, pathological guilt doesn’t make you a better person. A person who learns their lesson, makes amends if necessary and appropriate, vows to never do it again, and puts it behind them, is someone who turns their mistakes into fuel for personal growth — and they become a better person. The person who messes up then dwells on it forever? That person is not growing. Those with pathological guilt can seem like they’ve learned and grown because they go on and on about their guilt. But becoming a better person after failure means striving to be your best self, so that you can do as little harm and as much good as possible going forward. But shame doesn’t help anyone. Shame inhibits a person’s ability to show up as their best self and create the most positive change they can, and that is the paradox — that believing you are a bad person only takes you further and further away from becoming a truly virtuous person. That’s not to say that those who are plagued by shame are bad people — in fact, their “guilt” is actually illogical — what it means is that shame is so corrosive that it foils even the most well-intentioned person’s efforts to grow, and avoid doing harm. In other words, it’s not helping. Let it go.

So what does self-forgiveness look like on a practical level? It means not shaming yourself for transgressions, being patient with yourself, and speaking kindly to yourself.

When you hurt someone, you make amends if necessary, possible, and appropriate; you learn from your mistake, and you promise yourself to never do it again. The mistake has given you valuable feedback, and now you’re a better person because of it (and your relationship was probably deepened/strengthened as well).

When it’s icy out and you slip on the sidewalk, you laugh instead of looking around frantically to see if anyone saw you. You notice thoughts like, “oh my god I can’t believe I did that,” and “I’m such an idiot/clutz,” and come back at them with thoughts like “wow that was close, I could have seriously hurt myself, but thankfully I didn’t,” and “oh my god wait until I tell ___ about this😂” and (sarcastically), “well that was pleasant.🙄”

When you study your hardest for a test but you don’t do as well as you hoped, you let yourself feel sad for a couple minutes or seconds, and then you come in with the self-compassion. “I tried my best and that’s what matters,” and “well, now I know what I need to work on,” and “at least I got some right,” and “at least I showed up and took the test even though I was nervous. That took courage.”

When you’re not feeling great emotionally and it’s affecting your schoolwork or your ability to socialize or your ability to keep up with household tasks and self care, you don’t use shame to try to motivate yourself. You first admit to yourself that you’re not feeling your best, and that it’s affecting your ability to function at your best. You take care of yourself as best as you can, and remove unnecessary tasks and pressure. You figure out why you’re feeling this way, so that you can then figure out what to do about it. And sometimes, that something is just waiting it out, because sometimes that’s all we can do. You practice being patient with yourself.

Those ^ are some of the ways opportunities to practice self-forgiveness will pop up in your everyday life. Here are some that you can do intentionally:

Do your inner work. Go to therapy if you can afford it, talk to loved ones, watch videos, read articles and books, etc. Research self-forgiveness and self-compassion, and other topics like personal growth, healing and recovery. Journal about your history with shame and perfectionism. See if you can find clues that might explain how they came to be. What purpose does perfectionism have in your life? We don’t develop these coping mechanisms for no reason. Even the most toxic of coping mechanisms work in some way, but they don’t help as much as others, and they generally do more harm than good. Yet, we develop them for a reason, and becoming aware of those reasons helps us have compassion for ourselves, and will allow us to create new strategies to meet those needs and solve those problems.

Practice. Do something imperfectly on purpose. Beth Main said, “Set up some practice situations for yourself. For example, resolve to write one email every day without revising it… Tell yourself, ‘I don’t want to be a perfectionist. I am choosing to let this one go.’” To offer a personal example, I use Exposure Therapy to cope with my OCD. Just the other day, I saw that two boxes in my room were not stacked perfectly one on top of the other (the top one was off slightly to one side). I walked over to fix it then caught myself. I stopped and said (out loud), “no,” and turned back around. Normally, I’d spend at least 5-10 seconds (on a good day) making sure it’s even. But I didn’t give in. It’s these small moments of noticing old, outdated, conditioned thoughts, and countering them with our new, chosen, healthy mental habits that add up and create lasting changes. Perfectionism and shame are mental habits, and like any other, can be transcended. Similarly, forgiveness is a skill that can be developed and honed.

I’ll leave you with some of my favourite quotes (and a few I just found) about perfectionism, personal growth, mistakes, lessons, vulnerability and self-awareness. I’ll only include a couple ones by Brené Brown cause there are literally hundreds I could include 😄 (seriously, check her out, she’s amazing).

If you stop reading here, I hope this helps! Take care 😊 ~ Bella

On perfectionism

Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.

~ Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

•

A disproportionate need for control — and an overwhelming fear of the uncertainty that can exist in uncontrolled situations — can lead [one] to adopt paralyzingly rigid roles almost like armor against life’s uncertainties.”

~ Allan Mallinger, Jeannette Dewyze, Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control

•

Striving for excellence is a positive quality. Striving for perfection is self-defeating.

~ Melody Beattie

Personal growth

Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.

~ Brené Brown

•

And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good.

~ John Steinbeck

•

You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.

~ Louise L. Hay

•

Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases us from responsibility for our actions. Rather, it releases us from the self-hatred that prevents us from responding to our life with clarity and balance.

~ Tara Brach

•

You don’t want to beat yourself up for beating yourself up in the vain hope that it will somehow make you stop beating yourself up.

~ Kristin Neff, Ph.D.

•

Forgiving yourself, not guilt, increases personal accountability.

~ David D. Burns

•

Never forget that to forgive yourself is to release trapped energy that could be doing good work in the world.

~ D. Patrick Miller

•

Forgive yourself, you are not perfect. Show yourself grace; you are still learning. Show yourself patience; you are on a journey.

~ Shannon Yvette Tanner

•

You can sit there forever, lamenting about how bad you’ve been, feeling guilty until you die, and not one tiny slice of that guilt will do anything to change a single thing in the past. Forgive yourself, then move on!

~ Wayne Dyer

•

If we doubt that the foundation for inner work is compassion for self and self-honoring behavior, we need only remind ourselves that the opposite approach, feeling guilty or judging ourselves has never really worked.

~ John Earle

•

Dwelling on past bad decisions you've made only allows those decisions to keep defining you. Forgive yourself and move on.

~ Mandy Hale

•

When thinking about life remember this: no amount of guilt can solve the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future.

~ Unknown

•

An exciting and inspiring future awaits you beyond the noise in your mind, beyond the guilt, doubt, fear, shame, insecurity, and heaviness of the past you carry around.

~ Debbie Ford

•

Forgiveness takes the burden of hate, guilt, and bitterness off your back and, with a lighter load, you can climb higher and faster, and be much happier in the process.

~ Unknown

•

The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change so that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger but wisdom, understanding, and love.

~ Jennifer Edwards

•

Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.

~ Oscar Wilde

•

Guilt can either hold you back from growing, or it can show you what you need to shift in your life.

~ Unknown

•

The true measure of success is how many times you can bounce back from failure.

~ Stephen Richards

Mistakes = wisdom

I don't think that you have any insight whatsoever into your capacity for good until you have some well-developed insight into your capacity for evil.

~ Dr. Jordan B. Peterson

•

You cannot travel back in time to fix your mistakes, but you can learn from them and forgive yourself for not knowing better.

~ Leon Brown

•

Your past mistakes are meant to guide you not define you.

~ Unknown

•

The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.

~ Unknown

Vulnerability mindset

Just because things hadn’t gone the way I had planned didn’t necessarily mean they had gone wrong.

~ Ann Patchett; What Now?

•

I don’t want to be a perfectionist. I am choosing to let this one go.

~ Beth Main

•

Self-hatred does not serve me.

~ The Yogamad, 45 Forgiveness Affirmations to Let Go of Pain and Find Freedom

Self-awareness

Become aware of the negative ways perfectionism affects you. A few of the problems the authors address in Too Perfect are procrastination, missed deadlines, pickiness, difficulty making decisions, avoiding commitments, lost opportunities, general dissatisfaction with life, guardedness in relationships, and constant worry and ruminations.

~ Beth Main

•

Forgive yourself for what you think you’ve done or not done. At every moment, you had your reasons for all of your actions and decisions. You’ve always done the best that you could do. Forgive yourself.

~ Doreen Virtue

•

Lack of forgiveness causes almost all of our self-sabotaging behavior.

~ Mark Victor Hansen

•

Your inner critic is simply a part of you that needs more self-love.

~ Amy Leigh Mercree

•

The more you know yourself, the more you forgive yourself.

~ Confucius

•

There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one's errors. It not only clears up the air of guilt and defensiveness but often helps solve the problem created by the error.

~ Dale Carnegie

✨💙✨💙✨💙✨

I hope this helps! Take care 😊

[ketchup-chup]

Isekai that don’t completely suck pt 3

Didn’t think I would be making more since I feel it’s so mainstream now everyone has probably read all of these but just in case you haven’t here are a few isekai stories I’m enjoying.

 Some of these also go by different names sometimes due to translation differences or having been officially licensed and renamed so apologies about that.

I Became the Hero’s Mom 

Summary: After passing away and being reincarnated into her favourite book, Aisha couldn’t ask for anything more than to fangirl and fawn over her favourite character Abel, until suddenly she finds herself engaged to his father. 

There are a lot of stories like this one where the main character isekai’s and finds themselves the stepmom of their favourite character or just some cute kid they adore and they can get a bit cringy with how much the main character fangirls for the kid but this one just hit different. It still has it’s moments of intense secondhand embarrassment however, I find both the child and the male lead in this one more tolerable and the plot is actually very intriguing once it gets going.

The Tyrant’s Only Perfumer 

Summary: A young woman passes away to wake up in the body of Ariel Winston, the antagonist in the book she was reading. A perfumist who had forced the protagonist of the novel into dating her by blackmailing him with a perfume that calms his bloodlust that only she can create.

I love villainess manhwa’s where the main character has a special talent of some kind and a perfumer is certainly a new one! Not to mention the art for this one is very pleasing to look at so that’s a plus too!

The Way to Protect The Female Lead’s Older Brother 

Summary: Waking up in the body of Roxana Agriche, the daughter of the man who had kidnapped the heroine’s older brother, she must do avoid her death and the heroine's future vengeance by taking the initiative to save the heroin’s brother

OKay this one is darker than the rest, and I didn’t add it to the description but the main character wakes in a world of a 18+ novel. While it’s not extremely graphic or anything it can still be a bit suggestive and sorta violent so skip this one if you don’t like that sorta thing.

That being said the main character is extremely different than the normal kinds we see and even in her everyday life the stakes actually seem high. It’s a bit of a breath of fresh air. Fairing warning though while he’s not the male lead (I hope?) she gets very… friendly with one of her brothers. 

Death is the Only Ending for the Villainess

Summary: Waking up in the world of an otome game set on hard mode, our protagonist wakes up in the body of Penelope Eckhart, a villainess who seems destined to die at every turn

The concept and execution (no pun intended) of this one is very unique as the main character is able to see how well the male lead’s like her (like an affection meter) as well other having other popup windows telling her of her overall popularity and of events that are about to happen. I know there are a few others with this concept too but the way this one presents these things is very well done.

Living as the Tyrant's Older Sister

Summary: Alicia finds herself reborn into the world of a fantasy novel where she plays the role of the older sister to a tyrant who will inevitably be the cause of her beheading! To avoid this fate Alicia seduces the male lead’s friend to hopefully leave the country with him only to find she had seduced the wrong man

The art for this one is very distinct but definitely not in a bad way especially in it’s comedic moments. The protagonist, Alicia, is very funny and charming and her relationship with her brother is very realistic in that they are always at each other’s throats lol

This list is a little shorter than the rests just because I find that after I recommend a series it’ll keep updating (as ongoing series tend to do) and I’ll just not like them very much anymore, whether it’s because they got boring or just got plain bad. So this time I was a bit more picky and I pray that these series don’t fail me. 

[saturnsstufff]

Also! Firstly I just wanted to say that i really like your writing and slow pace in the Empress series! Its really poggers. Secondly if you're taking request: could you maybe write something where Phil helps Techno ask out (y/n)? I just think that Phil would be such a great wingman (pun maybe intended lmao). I really like the way you write your Empress series' setting and characters so maybe you could do some sort of royal au similar to it? Not cannon to the series of course. If not then the dsmp still works :D (sorry if i sent the ask twice! My internet's shit lol) ~🌻

Awh! Your all good!!🖤 and thank you!! one Prince Techno comin up! (Im so sorry i got this out late, and that its poor, I was stumped hard on this for what to put!

My darling- Technoblade

Warnings: none

Techno was a pretty well known and loved Prince. He was elegant, kind, gentle, sarcastic, funny, talented. He was just perfect. To Techno you were perfect. You were one of the servants sure, but he didn't mind that. You had the most gentle outset he had ever seen on someone. You could just walk into a room and somehow everyone was in love with you. 

Techno had feelings for you for a awfully long time however, no matter what he did he couldn't push himself to tell you. Far to afraid of what you would say to him in response. He rather sit suffering in silence as your friend, than risk loosing you completely.

You felt the same way. Techno was always so gentle with you. always asking if you were comfortable, if you felt safe, he would even make sure that you wouldn't be over worked. You couldn't count the nights that he read you to sleep in the library. Everyone found you two utterly adorable with your hesitance towards each other, they couldn't wait for the day one of you slipped up and confessed.

Phil on the other hand? Oh, oh he found this scenario hilarious. See Phil was often the one that helped get you two alone together. Ranging from distracting advisors, governors, consorts, you name it and Phil probably has diverted them at least once. Phil would go as far to joke that he was the one that had set you and Techno up originally. 

Although Phil found this whole situation hilarious, he did feel bad for his friend. Techno was a hard worker, he often put a lot of time into his country and his people. but, sadly techno would rarely take care of himself. Now Phil wasn't setting you up with techno so you would become his care taker. Rather he knew with you around, Techno would be more conscious of himself as to not worry you. like always, Phil was right too. 

It was a off day. Techno had himself rested in one of the lounge chairs that resided in the library. Lately his feelings had become painful to hold back. Even the voices started banding together, telling him he had to confess.

Phil had to return some books so when he walked into the library and saw techno, he wouldn't have said he was suprised. "What's on your mind now?" Phil mused. Placing the books back on there specific shelf. He earned a sigh and groan from Techno. "Its (y/n) isnt it" he mused. "Mate you should just tell her. Get it over with. You know she'll like you back"

"Phil I.. I can't- she's- shes just so perfect" Techno's heart melted at the thought of you. He rested the crook of his elbow over his eyes. "I.. i dont even know how or where to ask her.." Techno started sounded almost defeated. Phil couldn't bare to watch his friend mope about anymore. He knew somthing had to be done.

Phil didn't waist time on his new plan. He was determined to see you together by the end of the night. He found you outside hanging the laundry. When you saw Phil you smiled brightly.

"Hello Philza" you said, folding a sheet in your arms. Phil leaned on the post well he watched you. Amusement lacing his lips.

"Hello, (y/n) i was talking to Techno the other day. He mentioned you quite alot" you felt your cheeks heat up as you looked to him. Hearing that he talked about you made your heart beat faster.

"H-he was? W..what did he say?" You asked, now fully invested in him more than your work.

"Oh he was just rambling off, you know how he can be. However, he uh, did mention that you were quite beautiful. Smart, funny. You know all that fun stuff" he said casually. If your heart could have did a leap it would have. The idea of Techno call you beautiful was beyond you.

You moved closer to Phil, "w..was that all he said?.." you hoped there was more than he was telling you.

Phil pondered a moment and smiled. "Well he was curious if you would meet him at the stables for a date. You know, let him take you for a ride in the country side" you were speechless, but filled with utter excitement at the idea of a date with him. "Want me to tell him you'll be there?" You nodded fast.

"Please, ill take off early to meet him there even" you said with the widest smile. This warmed Phil's heart to see how in love you were with his best friend.

"Alright' ill tell him you'll be there" Phil said smiling. His plan falling into motion. Now he had to corral the stubborn bull named Technoblade.

"You should take (y/n) for a horseback ride" Phil said upon entering his friends office. Techno's brow furrowed, causing him to look up from his papers.

"Take her for a... why?" Techno said mid confusion. Phil shrugged casually.

"Well I was just talking to (y/n) and you know she had off-hand mentioned it that she really liked fhe horse rides with you." At this statement techno blinked a bit. He pressed his lips and thought breifly.

"Well i uh.. I mean if she wants to, i'll glady take her". Techno said. Moving his few papers asside. Looking at Phil. "When does she want to leave?"

Phil hummed and looked at the clock. Mentally assuming your work schedule. "What about four-ish? Get there early for her?

Techno nodded. "Dosnt she work until five?" Techno knew your schedule mostly because he was the one that would meet you after it for casual walks.

"Normally. But she said she would take it off early to go with you" Phil wanted to keep semi to the truth. But he knew as soon as you two were alone talking, it would be over. The two of you would quickly discover that Phil was behind this.

When you waked up to the stables you smiled happily. Waiting with a horse in hand was Techno. He gave you a kind smile. Happy to see you in such a joyful mood.

"Ready to go?" He asked gently. You nodded fast, excited to spend the evening with him. He offered his hand to you. When you took it he gently pulled you close. Lifting you up onto his horse. After you were situated on the sattle he climbed on behind you. Wrapping his arm around your waist securely, wanting to assure you wouldn't fall off eather way.

You relaxed into him like you always did. Content with his company. With the nudge of his heel's you both were off on your way.

Well you two toured the country side casually. You decided to thank him for the date. Seeing as you felt it was the beginning of somthing great. "Thank you for taking me on this date Techno... It really means alot to me..." you herd techno give a 'heh?'.

"Princess I adore your company. But what on earth are you talking about?" This was your turn to be confused. You looked up at him to see if he was joking.

"Phil said you wanted to take me on a date..." your eyes grew saddened. "W...was this a lie?..." Techno's heart weighed heavier at the sight of your sad eyes.

Techno felt like he hit a wall. Does he explain he wants to take you for a date more than anything? Or keep quiet. After seeing your eyes, he knew he couldn't break your heart more.

"I... I do want to take you for a date... I've wanted a date with you more than you realize... However, I didnt ask you... Im assuming Phil actually set us up..." he said, looking away a light red. You gave a soft gentle smile.

"Hey..." you tilted his head to look down at you. "Even if he set us up... I'm glad he did" Techno looked down into your eyes. His going gentle.

"You are?..." you nodded gently. Giving a gentle kiss to his cheek.

"I got a date out of it with you"

[bomberqueen17]

replies to my post “retelling canon events in fic”

msilverstar said:                                                                                                                            Yes, as a non-reader please explain!   You do such a good job it won’t be boring.                                                           

kayleigh-janes said:                                                                                                                            Seeing as all my knowledge is through what you’ve written, I’d love a summary of what happened. And please keep that snippet, it is hilarious and I love that Morvran gets to have feelings!                                                  

waxscoralpants said:                                                                                                                      Oh poor Morvran hahaha. Also, I know it wasn’t a question in the end, but as someone whose familiarity with the books and games is almost entirely through meet death sitting, I am always happy with any summaries and/or exposition provided!!!                                

sabra-n said:                                                                                                                            I choose to believe that Netflix Cahir has a cousin named Cahir or something because wtf was that                            

astroloquacious said:                                                                                                              Technically I have read the books, but there’s something about the writing style where even though I’d JUST READ IT, I would only be able to describe what I’d read in general strokes and impressions. That said, Milva has my FUCKING HEART, especially the Milva and Angoulême relationship, so any time we can add more Hansa (and also therefore more Geralt roasting) is good to me.                                                         

kushielsmercy said:                                                                                                                      Now this is the kind of Morvran whump I’m here for 🤣 It’s a hard life, bud (pun intended)                                                            

girderednerve said:                                                                                                                    i realize there wasn’t really a question here but i do love it when your characters tell stories, it always feels like a present, lively activity. also MORVRAN, relatable, drinking his respect women juice 😭😭                            

_____________

Pardon the weird formatting, replying to replies is like, prohibitively difficult, but I felt I should collectively respond.

I do feel like I lure people into reading subject matter and darkness levels they wouldn’t normally bother with, so I do feel like-- I gotta be nice where I can, LOL, but also like-- man the books are fun but they aren’t good, I don’t blame anyone for not reading them, especially because apparently none of the English translations convey some level of charm/earthiness present in the originals. There’s a bunch of dumb shit in the books, and regardless of translator, the author has an incredible fondness for really impenetrable framing devices that I cannot summon much patience for. So I’m certainly not judging any fan who can’t or won’t make it through reading the books. They’re not bad, they’re just, sort of also like the Netflix series (and for that matter the games), not good either. Like if you’re on the fence, I’d say go ahead, but if they don’t appeal to you then for God’s sake do not force your way through them, if you’re not predisposed to enjoy them you’re probably just going to have a bad time. (And like. The games. Some really transcendent character moments there. And a whole lot of like. Virulent misogyny and writing that super misses their own point. So I don’t expect anyone to seek those out either!)

So anyway. I’ll do what I can there.

And yeah, the only way I can see Netflix Cahir coming around to any of the canon Cahir stuff is if he was fucking possessed or something. [Erik Andre Saying Please Say Sike dot Gif]

re: Morvran whump-- this exact scene will probably not appear but I do plan to torture him along these lines. I’m making him be sort of more demi than ace-ace, so he’d assumed he wasn’t into-- that sort of-- thing, but the more he’s exposed to them and the fonder he gets of them the more he’s like-- uh what-- am i supposed to uh-- hnn okay

and anyway in lieu of therapy I’m going to try kink, so. But that’s all material for the sequel. Pearls is going to end with Lu and Ciri finally figuring their shit out, and then I swear the next story’s going to be JUST from Ciri’s POV because we’re missing out on so much because of the dumbass decision I made in like chapter 2 of this story to leave her POV out because it’s in Trust. 😐 This story wasn’t supposed to be this long, and then I realized how much time-space I had to fill to make it match up, so-- anyway. We’re caught up now so I can breeze through the rest EXCEPT Morvran’s family’s not cooperating and now I’m using framing devices like Sapkowski this is terrible. 

[mythgirlimagines]

DVHS Reread: Chapter II.II

I'm not the only one who rushes over when I hear it. Abe is only a few steps behind me. "Yoshida!" I open the door quickly and step inside, only to find Yoshida, still in her pajamas, standing on her bed and cursing out Monokuma. "Um...what's going on?"

"Monokuma just appeared in my room and woke me up!" Her glare doesn't lessen any. "Scared me half to death."

He blinks up at her, trying to look innocent despite being the exact opposite. "Promise?"

I laughed SO HARD writing this

The entire way back, my knees feel too weak to support me. I lean hard against the walls when I can, nearly collapsing a few times. My hands shake when I try to insert my key into the lock. My stomach clenches as I lay down on my bed. The ceiling looks like it's spinning a little. I'll probably pass out if I try standing again right now.

...I never fully figured out what this was when I wrote it, but last year I experienced a single day where I just felt incredibly sick but was fine the next day and never figured that out, either, so.

MONOKUMA THEATRE VII 

This one has a reference to the Frozen song “Reindeer Are Better than People”

He glances over at them and shakes his head. "By chance last night, we all had dinner around the same time, so there were thirteen of us at the table. Maeda got up to leave first, and Oshiro just kind of went ballistic. She said something about a legend saying that when thirteen people dined at the same table, the first to rise would be the first to die."

This is probably by favorite red herring of this chapter- technically. He still died by the end of it

Abe sighs, his eyes pointed towards the ceiling. "History, also known as social studies, as in studying people and cultures." Sounds like he's had to explain that before, and that he's not really happy about having to do it again.

This was a tiny hint about his talent :)

Now would be the perfect moment to find one to prove him wrong. Of course, that fails to happen. "Why are you here? Just to bother me?"

"You wish." No, I really don't. "I'm here looking for some reading material."

I look at him out of the corner of my eye. "You don't seem like the type." I know I shouldn't judge a book by its cover- pun intended- but I can't help it this time around.

He picks a book off of a shelf, and immediately I know he's bluffing. "You don't know me. For all you know, I love reading this. It's one of my favorite books."

I don't even bother looking at him over my shoulder. "That's a dictionary printed in German."

Seconds later, I hear the book hitting a pile. He abandoned that lie fairly quickly. "You sure are nosy."

One of my favorite Camila and Aoyama interactions

I start shoving the piles back. Kinda disappointing that I didn't find anything. Then again, the only secret passage I can think of is one leading to the mastermind's headquarters. The library seems inconspicuous enough to serve that purpose, but evidently not. 

V3 reference lol

He and Hamasaki are both in the dining hall when I get there. So are Oshiro, Ikeda, and Abe. I assume the rest of them are either in their rooms or at the rink with Miyuki. Oshiro is the only one talking, as I've come to expect. "And that's why you should never trust an aquarius! Real crazy how that works, huh?"

A recent commenter picked up on how this could be foreshadowing ;)

Yoshida and Yasu aren't even skating, just sitting to the side and chatting. 

Underrated friendship that I never really expand on

"I still haven't gotten over that it's easier to skate than rollerblade," Nakamura says, skating slowly nearby. 

This is something I asked my dad about, since he used to do both a lot

MONOKUMA THEATRE VIII 

Me thinking about some police show crossover my fam was watching around this time and comparing it to other crossover fics that are clearly better

[txemrn]

The Picture Show

Book: TNA

Rating: fluffy; smidge of sensuality, smidge of angst

Word count: exactly 2000

A/N: Oof! I wanted to participate in wacky drabbles #102 this week, but long story short, the week got away from me, and I am painfully late in posting! That's okay, though! It's going up anyway, and I'm sure they won't mind me using their prompt (prompt will be in bold)! Huge thanks to @kat-tia801 for brainstorming this fic with me, and thank you to @chemist-ana for pre-reading (and convincing me it wasn't dumb lol). As always, these characters belong to our friends at Pixelberry (also, Caroline is the name I've given Sam's first wife; even though we know her real name now, old habits die hard... wow, pun not intended!).

***

A crisp, cool breeze manifests a gentle oasis for the gathered movie-goer crowd on the humid city street. Waiting in line to purchase tickets for their impromptu date night, Brynn casually ties a knot in the front of her knit band tee, exposing a thin strip of her Tuscany-sun-kissed skin. Finger-combing her almond waves, she tosses her careless strands into a perfectly teased bun to enjoy the reprieve from the stifling August heat.

“You’re making this too easy for me.” The familiar, smoky whisper sends a pleasure-filled jolt down Brynn’s spine as his breathy chuckles tickle her ear. His fingertips pad across her midriff, tucking his sizable hand into the front of her jeans. His other hand cups around her head as he presses his plump pout to the sensitive spots of her neck. “So, what’ll it be tonight: Melissa McCarthy telling jokes for two hours or scary paranormal demons?”

“The difference being?” Brynn jokes, pulling Sam’s hand out of her pants, lacing her fingers with his.

“Touché,” he chuckles, hiding a wide grin. Their lips meet together for a simple kiss just as the ticket booth attendant motions for them to approach. After collecting their tickets for the latest horror flick, the young couple approach the concession counter. “Wanna share a popcorn?”

Brynn’s eyes light up as she eagerly nods her head. “And gummy worms, please!”

“You are just as bad as the boys--”

“What does that mean?” Brynn jovially pinches Sam, aiming for his chest.

“Let’s just say that gummy worms were never on the weekly grocery list until you came around,” he smirks, raising an eyebrow while guarding his nipples.

“See? I improved your life in more ways than one,” Brynn quips.

Sam lets out a hearty laugh, pulling Brynn’s body closer to his. “Mmmm--” he kisses one side of her neck, “--so many--” he kisses the other side of her neck, his hand grazing the curve of her ass, “--different--” he suddenly squeezes hard, making Brynn yelp, “--ways--” he captures her lips in a hungry kiss.

A clearing of a throat abruptly interrupts the moment. “‘Scuse me, but did you want butter on your popcorn, sir?” Sam’s cheeks burn red as Brynn chuckles through a nod. “That’ll be twenty-eight eighty-one.”

Sam quickly double-takes as he pulls out his wallet. “I’m sorry,” he grins politely, “did you say almost thirty dollars? For popcorn and gummy worms?”

“And your wife wanted a large Coke Zero.”

Brynn smiles brightly as she dramatically slurps on a straw. “Yes, husband, your wife wanted a large Coke Zero,” she sardonically mimics the concession worker, batting her eyes innocently.

Sam lowers his voice. “For thirty dollars?”

“Actually for twenty-eight eighty-one,” the teenage attendant corrects.

“You’ll have to excuse him,” Brynn pats Sam’s chest, winking at him endearingly before turning her attention to the cashier. “He hasn’t been to the movies since de Blasio took office.”

The attendant gives a confused look. “Who?”

Brynn stifles a laugh. “Exactly.” She looks warmly up at Sam as he boops her on the nose, grinning smugly at her. She puts her hand in his hand that is holding his wallet. “I’ve got this, old man.”

“Absolutely not.” Sam pulls his hand away from hers. “What kind of gentleman do you take me for?”

“Sam, it’s not a big deal,” she reaches for his wallet. “You are always paying. Let me do this tonight. My treat.” He quickly snatches his wallet, lifting it above her head while shaking his head. “Samuel!” she titters, stretching to grab his wallet. “Why are you being so difficult? Put that away.”

“Brynn, c’mon, there are people waiting--”

“Exactly. Let me pay.” She pushes her petite body in front of Sam’s as she reaches for her own wallet. “Here, sir,” she motions to the cashier as she begins to pull out two twenty-dollar bills.

“No. Brynn!” Sam loops his arm in front of Brynn’s body, shielding her from pulling her money out. “Stop that!” He turns to the concession attendant. “Here, take my card--”

Brynn swats at Sam's hand, accidentally knocking his wallet out of his grasp, the contents of the billfold dumping out onto the counter. Brynn cups her mouth, laughing at an irritated Sam who is taking a large deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. She quickly hands her money to the attendant before turning her attention to Sam. “C’mon, let’s get this cleaned up--”

And suddenly, there it was, splayed out for both Sam and Brynn to see together: a picture of Sam’s late wife. In the nude.

Sam quickly snatches the picture up as well as his cards and cash, hoping Brynn didn't notice. When he looks back up, Brynn is already giving their tickets to the attendant to be admitted into the theater.

She noticed.

“Brynn--”

“I--I think I’m gonna need some more napkins,” she nervously interrupts, an out-of-breath pant to her voice.

“Ma’am? There are napkins inside," helpfully offered a worker.

“Oh,” Brynn appears defeated, refusing to look at Sam. “I’ll go grab our seats then,” she offers, power-walking away from her boyfriend.

“Brynn? Brynn?” His voice carries over the bustling hallway, but she doesn’t slow down. Once in the theater, Brynn anxiously stumbles in the low-lighting, picking out seats. Catching up to her, Sam’s hands kindly grip her shoulders. “Brynn. Please. Talk to me.”

She cordially smiles at him. “Talk about what?” She sits down, nervously pawing to open her bag of gummy worms.

Sam steals the bag of candy from Brynn. “Are you seriously going to pretend that didn’t just happen?”

“Pretend that what didn’t just happen--”

Putting his hands on his hips, he raises his voice. “You seeing my wife’s tits.” With the sudden cascade of snickers and gasps from fellow patrons turning to stare, Brynn grabs Sam’s arm, yanking him down into his seat.

Sam leans over, whispering into Brynn’s ear. “Please, let’s just talk about this--”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Sam,” her eyes stare intently at the large white screen.

“You’re mad.”

“I’m not mad.” Brynn begins wringing her hands as her foot nervously bounces. “I just,” she sighs before becoming quiet, her voice audibly shaking, “I--I didn’t know. I mean--damnit, Sam, you keep a photo of her in your wallet?”

“Of my wife?" He enunciates, making Brynn feel foolish. "Is that wrong of me?”

“No,” Brynn’s lower lip begins to tremble, “yes? I--I don’t know, Sam. I don’t know what I’m supposed to think right now. I figured you'd have a picture of her. Just with, uh, I mean. She would be, um--"

"Clothed?" Sam smirks.

Brynn gradually looks into Sam's eyes, but finds herself abruptly avoiding his gaze as questions flood her mind. Why would he be keeping a nude photo of his late wife? How often does he look at it? Is that even her business to know? To care?

The house lights turn down as the roar of advertisements brightly flood the screen. Brynn rests her chin in her hand, fighting tears. Even though the excitement of the music and vivid colors enthralls the audience, Brynn is a million miles away. She feels completely confused as to how to feel about this situation. Was she even allowed to be upset about this? Why couldn’t things just be simple for once in their relationship?

“Brynn?” Sam beckons for her from the clouds, bringing her back to reality. He lifts up the armrest between them. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he pulls her into his chest, peppering her hair with kisses.

As the movie ends, Sam and Brynn remain silent, making their exit to the streets of New York. After a few blocks, Sam stops, sensing Brynn’s heightened emotions. He can tell she’s still bothered by what happened before the movie.

He sighs heavily. “Let’s talk about it.”

Brynn lets go of his hand, scoffing, spinning around to see if anyone was watching. After a few moments of silence, she can feel the heat budding in her cheeks. She crosses her arms, and while staring at Sam, she lets out an inaudible ‘okay’.

With sincerity in his voice, Sam locks eyes with Brynn. "I honestly haven't looked at that picture in months. I completely forgot that I even had it. But--” he hesitates for a second, choosing his words wisely, “--throwing it away seems like the wrong thing to do."

"Caroline* and I didn't have sex until our wedding night." Brynn's eyebrows furrow before her eyes widen in shock. Sam continues. "She wanted to wait until marriage, especially given," he takes a deep breath, "my past--which you know about." Brynn nods. "But then the night before our wedding,” a smile blossoms across his face in remembrance, “she gifted me this wallet. With this picture. She said it was her promise to me--her all to me. I know you see a nude picture. But,” he sighs nervously as his eyes glaze with tears, “it’s always been so much more than that.”

Brynn considers his words, a warm smile growing on her face. She finally holds out her hand, for Sam to take. “Let���s go home.”

The next night, Brynn did bedtime alone with the boys. The penthouse had been fairly quiet throughout the day, even after Sam came home late from work. There is still an awkwardness in the air, and even though Brynn and Sam weren’t angry with each other, they also didn’t know what to say.

Closing the twin’s bedroom door, Brynn quietly tiptoes to the home office in her robe, knowing Sam is lost in his paperwork. She cautiously knocks on the door. After a few moments, the door whips open, Sam grabbing Brynn and jerking her inside.

“Since when do we knock on doors, babe?” Sam sits back into his leather tufted chair, pulling Brynn onto his lap, endearingly rubbing circles on her lower back.

“I--I wasn’t sure if you were busy, or--or if you--”

Sam holds his hand over her mouth, a smile growing across his face. “You know better.” He grabs her hand, kissing the back of it. “Now, what’s going on?”

Brynn coyly looks up at Sam, clearly nervous to ask her next question. “Can I see your wallet?”

Sam’s face falls, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Why?”

“I want to see it.”

Sam can’t bring his attention to Brynn. He never removed that photo of his first wife, nor did he know how Brynn was currently feeling about the nude picture. All he does know is he better pull out his wallet. And start praying for mercy.

Brynn stands up, circling around Sam’s office chair. Sam reaches in his back pocket, pulling out the wallet. Brynn wraps her arms around his shoulders, brushing her nose against his ear. “Open it,” she commands with a sensual, husky tone.

Sam dutifully opens his wallet to the plastic picture holder. His cheeks begin to swelter with pink growing down his neck. He can feel a queasiness growing in his gut as he lays it out for Brynn to see.

“Aren’t you going to look?”

“Brynn?” He throws off her arms, becoming irritated. “What kind of game--?”

And that’s when he sees it: a picture of his stunning girlfriend, carefully photographed in the nude with her hands posing perfectly across her assets.

Sam’s eyes quickly dart around the room, finding Brynn locking the door and uncinching her robe. Letting the fabric pool on the floor, she straddles her naked body across his lap, his hands unable to resist.

Brynn grabs the wallet, pulling out the nude photos of herself and Sam’s first wife. “This may have been her promise to you, and you can keep it for as long as you want,” Brynn pulls out her photo, handing it to Sam. "But, this. This is my promise to you, Sam Dalton." She leans over, stealing his breath with a fervent kiss. “I love you.”

Cupping her cheek, Sam’s eyes gather tears as he looks admirably at his new forever. “I love you, too.”

***

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