#the second current one involves trying and failing to get one website to talk to another website

[knowlessman]

&sz=w960

960

960

IT HAS TO BE 960

I SOLVED IT

[ravennm84]

Complicity

Hey everyone! Sorry I’ve been missing for a while, but I’ve had a lot going on and lacking inspiration, until the other day! I know that Lila thinks she’s the smartest person in the room and that everyone else it too stupid to figure her out. So, I decided to let her “think” she’s being smart, but gets caught because she did something stupid. Warm-Fuzzies and please enjoy!

Lila was happy. Since she had become a model, she had acquired a small fan base of people that thought she had beauty and talent. Granted, it wasn’t as large as she thought it should be, but she had only done three photo shoots and had been mentioned in one magazine. But this was just the beginning; soon, all of Europe would know her name and reporters would be clamoring after her for pictures. 

But at the same time she was very angry.

This was because Marinette had been mentioned in the same magazine as her. And where Lila got a single photo that showed more of Adrien than it did of her, Maribrat had gotten an entire article and multiple photos about her designs and the collaboration she was doing with Style Queen Audrey Bourgeois since the woman had decided to stay in Paris. She had even looked at the girl’s website and saw that there was an actual wait list to receive one of her original designs.

Enraged that someone she considered to be plain, talentless, and all around lower in status than her, Lila started coming up with plans. She wasn’t about to share her spotlight with anyone, let alone Maribrat.

She was tempted to accuse the bluenette of stealing her designs and ruining her reputation, but since she had been designing for longer than Lila had been in Paris, that had too much of a chance to backfire. She’s thought of sicking one of her classmates/sheep to break into her house and destroy her commission projects, but that also had too much of a chance to backfire since they would likely blab if they were caught.

No, she needed a different type of plan. Something that would be farther removed from herself so nothing would blow back on her, but harsh enough so that even Maribrat wouldn’t connect what happened to her. It took a few weeks and a lot of planning, but she came up with something that would work. It had been the perfect plan, a way to get Marinette out of her life and the spotlight for good. 

All it took was some sweet talking one of her new followers; a large, burly boy named Henry that was a couple years older than her and not very bright. He would have done anything for her… including going after a “stalker” that had threatened to hurt her. She barely even had to suggest anything before the boy assured her that he would protect her at all costs. It even seemed to be working when Maribrat was suspiciously absent from school for a few days after Henry said he would “take care of it”.

It had been the perfect plan...

Until the police showed up. 

She had just gotten home when the police arrived, saying that she was wanted for questioning in an open case. They had already been in contact with her mother and Greta Rossi had promised them their full cooperation. Rather than risk looking guilty, Lila called her mother to make sure they were telling the truth before grudgingly going with them. 

When she got to the police station, she was met by her very confused and furious mother. This wasn’t the first time she had been in trouble with the law. There had been an incident in Rome where she’d been accused of pushing a boy, Simone, down the stairs, and her mother had been forced to pay his medical bills. She had made it very clear that if Lila caused any more problems at school, it would not be pleasant.

So there she was; sitting with her mother and a couple of police detectives that she didn’t recognize, who were giving her condescending looks. “I am Detective Cooper, and this is Detective Raimus. We understand that you have been made aware of your rights, correct?”

“Yes, multiple times. What is this all about? You can’t just bring my daughter in for questioning like she’s some common criminal.” Her mother said as she stared down the two men.

“Mme. Rossi, we need to ask your daughter some questions in connection to an assault that took place against one of her classmates.” Stated Cooper, a detective with a thick mustache.

“Are you or your daughter familiar with a M. Henry Mortaure?”

“I’ve never heard of him,” Lila lied with a shrug.

“Neither have I, who was attacked?” Her mother asked, suddenly worried about what her daughter might have gotten involved in.

“A Mlle. Marinette Dupain-Cheng, are you familiar with the name?” Asked Raimus, who looked a bit older than his partner.

Greta Rossi thought for a second before nodding. “Lila has mentioned her a couple of times, said that she was a bully. What about her?”

“The Dupain-Cheng residence was broken into a few days ago by M. Mortaure. He was armed and confessed to be doing so with the intent of killing Mlle. Dupain-Cheng.” Mme. Rossi gasped in shock while Lila was attempting to hide her smirk with a look of worry. “The Dupain-Chengs were not harmed, although the same cannot be said for M. Mortaure.” Cooper placed some photos in front of them on the table, gaining another gasp from Greta. Three of the man’s limbs were wrapped in heavy gauze, his face was swollen and bruised from a black eye and a seriously broken nose. 

Lila didn’t flinch when she saw the photos, but was now fighting a scowl at the knowledge that Henry had failed her. And since she was here in an interrogation room, it could only mean that the idiot had blabbed. But that didn’t matter, she could just say that he must be a crazy stalker who had somehow found out that Maribrat was bullying her and decided to take things into his own hands. After all, it wasn’t like she had called or messaged him from her personal phone. She had bought a burner phone with cash just for this occasion. 

“Despite being armed with a pistol, he never had a chance to use it,” Raimus stated as pushed one of the photos towards Lila. “He will require reconstructive surgery on his face from being hit multiple times with a rolling pin. His arms were severely burned when he fell into a fryer, it’s likely that he’ll never have full use of them again. Despite the burns, he attempted to go for a kitchen knife after being disarmed. That knife was turned on him and he ended up with a perforated lung.”

Greta looked like she was going to be sick, unable to look away from the pictures in front of her. But she eventually did, casting a harsh stare at her daughter. “Please, tell me you had nothing to do with this.”

Doing her best to fake her shock, she shook her head and pushed away the photos. “I swear, I had nothing to do with this. I don’t even know why he would do this.”

“We were wondering the same thing and discovered that he’s a fan of yours. He has multiple pictures of you, as well as Mlle. Dupain-Cheng. We suspected that he had been stalking you and came to the conclusion that he thought she was bullying you and decided to protect you on his own-”

“Oh no, that has to be it!” She exclaimed, skillfully faking shock. “Marinette followed me out of school last week and threatened me to stay away from my boyfriend. This boy must have seen her and decided to get rid of her.”

“If that’s the case, why are you questioning my daughter?” Greta pressed, not completely believing Lila but seeming to be coming around to her side.

“As I was saying,” stressed Detective Cooper. “We had suspected that M. Mortaure was stalking your daughter, until we got the warrant for his phone. It seems that someone, supposedly Lila, has been corresponding with him for many weeks. She had been flirting with him, sending him photos of herself, and then Marinette. She went on to tell him that Mlle. Dupain-Cheng was a stalker and had threatened her. M. Mortaure seems to have done what he did with the understanding that he was protecting Lila, at Lila’s own behest.”

“I would never do that!” Lila cried before reaching into her purse to pull out her personal mobile and set it on the table in front of them. “Check my phone, I never messaged him.”

“We have already checked your phone records against the one that has been messaging M. Mortaure, and found that the numbers did not match.” Detective Raimus said, and Lila watched her mother visibly slump from relief… but it was short lived. 

“We did, however, track the number to a burner phone that was purchased in cash from a gas station. We thought it was a dead end, but the person who bought the phone made a mistake.” Raimus continued as Detective Cooper pulled out his own mobile and dialed a number. “The person who bought it has kept it on, and it is currently active.”

Seconds after Cooper pressed send, a ringing came from Lila’s purse. Greta Rossi stared at her daughter in shock before yanking the purse out of Lila’s hands and pulling out a second phone from inside. When Cooper cancelled the call, the second phone stopped ringing. 

“What have you done?” She spat at Lila.

Panicking, she shook her head while looking around the room for an exit. “That’s not mine! They must have planted it on me when they brought me here! They’re trying to frame me!”

“DON’T LIE TO ME!” Greta screamed at her daughter, causing Lila to practically fall out of her seat in fear. “You convinced someone to commit MURDER for you! That makes you just as guilty as him!”

“But-but I have diplomatic immunity! I can’t be charged for any of this!”

“Yes, you can,” Greta said, her voice going cold. “I may be a secretary to the Italian Ambassador, which grants me immunity, but that doesn’t extend to you! I told you to behave! I told you to never cause trouble like you did in Roma after what you did to that boy that called you out on your…” Understanding washed over Greta’s features as her expression morphed from anger, to understanding, and then disgust. “That’s it, isn’t it? Marinette never bullied you. She knew about your lies and you set out to hurt her just like before!” 

Standing up quickly, her mother started pacing the room before looking back to the detectives. “I’ll still need to speak with the ambassador, but you can expect our full cooperation in this.”

“Mom, no!”

“What are the charges?” Greta asked, acting as though Lila wasn’t even there. 

“As Lila is a minor, she can be charged with Complicity to Commit Murder, the decision of sentencing is ultimately up to the judge. But seeing as she purposefully bought a burner phone to use and has also lied to the police, I wouldn’t hold much hope.”

~oOo~

The trial took longer than expected. At first, things had been looking up since her followers from class had come to act as character witnesses. All of them saying how wonderful she was, a great friend that did so much for them and everyone she knew,   and that she would never do something so terrible. That Marinette was just jealous of Lila, so it was better to take whatever she said with a grain of salt.

Then, the prosecution started their case. Showing evidence of Lila falsifying records at school, video evidence of her purposefully framing Marinette for assault and theft. As well as the communications between herself and Henry, encouraging him to kill Marinette. 

Her followers had still been a bit sceptical to believe what the prosecutor was saying about her, not wanting to believe that they had supported someone who would try to get another person murdered. But then came her past victims, many of whom her mother had never known about. Simone from Rome, Sara from Florence, Giulia from Venice, Daniel from Viterbo, and Sofia from Palermo. All of them testifying against Lila, many with screenshots of threatening texts from her, photos of ruined property and injuries she had inflicted on them, and all around proof that Lila was the reason behind many hardships that had happened to them. And all because they had figured out that she was a liar and she had done everything in her power to hurt them.

After all that, the judge had not been kind. 

“It is clear, Mlle. Rossi, that you are a very disturbed girl in need of help,” the judge said, not bothering to hide how offput he was by Lila. “I cannot, in good conscious, allow you to roam freely. Having seen that these habits of yours have not only been repeated over and again, but have escalated to attempted murder. I have no choice but to have you returned to Italy where you will be kept in a juvenile detention center until you turn 18, at which point you will be transferred to a mental hospital for treatment for no less than five years. At which point, you will be evaluated to see if you will be able to safely rejoin society.”

Lila was immediately escorted back to Italy in disgrace. Her name slandered across every newspaper and magazine across Europe for what she had done. She was now famous, with most everyone knowing her name and reporters scrambling to take her picture as she did her walk of shame out of the courthouse. She was finally famous, but for all the wrong reasons

In case you are wondering. Henry made the mistake of coming after Marinette when she was with her parents. Tom and Marinette were in the bakery kitchen and Sabine was at the front. Tom saw the gun and hit him in the face with his rolling pin twice. He dropped the gun but was still coming after Marinette, she tripped him and he landed in the frier, which had been turned on to make donuts, and splashed oil all over him. Sabine had rushed back in time to see a bleeding and badly burned Henry grabbing a knife, she did some wicked moves that resulted in Henry stabbing himself. By then, he passed out from the pain and the Dupain-Chengs had called the police. The officers that came were both impressed and terrified by what happened to the boy, but the surveillance footage proved that they were only defending themselves.

TAGLIST:

@2confused-2doanything @7-sage-7 @aadnrsstar @abrx2002 @awkwardromances @bayball @babylovebug18 @botanicalfoxx @caffeinetheory @cheshire5210 @chocolateherringtacofan @city-of-all-tunas @classycollectorreviewworld  @corabeth11 @darkened-flame @delightfulcookiesrecipespizza @fandom-trapped-03 @ghostmaster @iamblinkmarvelarmy @interobanginyourmom @izang @jesussavedevenme @kazedancer @kitten12113 @lady-phoenix-of-tardis @lilypotter2018 @lunataravler @maskedpainter @ miraculouslydumb  @nerd-nowandforever @ola-is-dead @pandacatxd @plushbookworm @plz-excuse-my-inner-ravenclaw @pheonix-biach @raiderofthelostbooks @ramos123 @rowanrouge @rowanyx @ren121 @seesea22 @seraphichana @sashakoi @shypeacekitten @tazer6787 @that-girl-sakea @thecrazyfantrollshasmoved @the-smallest-kittenz @tishwinchesterannabethjackson @t1dwarrior-of-earth @ulmban @with-forward-motion @wonderbat91939 @zoiechance

[0ffgun]

Alright so!! I got some requests from people for me to make a post with tips on how I self-study my languages, so here we are! It’s not perfect and everyone studies differently, but I hope some of these tips can help you out.

Personally I study Korean & Thai so this list is aimed at those but a lot of the study tips are pretty general and can be applied to whatever language you’re learning. 

I’m an energetic puppy in human form - I simply CANNOT sit still and study for longer than 20 minutes before getting insanely restless and distracted, so I tend to only actually sit down and actively study once a week. If you’re expecting something clever and insightful this is absolutely the opposite of that... I basically trick myself into learning! So here is my silly little guide, let’s go!

General Tips:

★ Get ridiculous with sticky notes. Seriously, do it. If you’re just starting out and don’t know the words for all of those household objects then go ahead and scribble them down on those post its and stick them EVERYWHERE. It might drive your family members/roommates crazy but hey... you’re doing it for a good cause, right?

★ Don’t rely on romanization too much - if your language has its own writing system, focus on that using as much as you can. Romanization seems helpful but in the long run you’ll rely on it too much. It’s better to get familiar with the native writing system asap!

★ Pick out a word/phrase of the day and write it somewhere you’ll see it often. I have a whiteboard in my room that I’ll scribble a few phrases onto and then every time I walk past it, I’ll say them. Or if I’m not gonna be home all day then I write something on my wrist and glance at it throughout the day! This one is the most fun because when people see it they’re like “ooh that looks pretty!” or “ooh does it mean something deep and profound?” when in reality you have the phrase I like cheese written on your arm and it never stops being entertaining. Bonus points if someone native to that language reads it and looks at you like you’re crazy.

★ Say the words in silly voices. It sounds weird but if you’re sitting there repeating words (like the word banana, for example) from an app in a monotone voice you’re definitely less likely to remember it than if you’re yelling out “BANANA!!” in an opera voice or squeaking out “b an a n a” dramatically as you let go of Jack’s hand and let him sink into the ocean. 

★ Don’t isolate vocabulary. Learning new words is great, but it’s useless and you’re more likely to forget it if you don’t learn to use it in a sentence. 

★ Keep a diary! One of the absolute best ways to practice your writing and improve your skills is to just jot down a few things every now and then. It’ll be rusty and you won’t have much to say at first and will definitely keep needing that dictionary every 2 seconds, but after a few weeks you’ll really notice the difference. Buy pretty pens and stickers to motivate yourself to write in it! It’s also fun to do this around people who can’t speak it as they’ll look at it in awe and you can show off when in actual fact your writing is usually a clumsy scribbled “today I snacks eat and go sleep” but hey what they don’t know can’t hurt and it’s always fun to look like a genius.

★ Talk to your pets in that language. They’re not going to judge you, they actually don’t even care what you say as long as you say it in that entertaining pet voice. I don’t have any friends that speak Korean or Thai so the majority of my speaking practice is hurled at my dog. If you don’t have a pet, then plants or stuffed animals work perfectly too!

★ Listen to language podcasts while you do household chores, heck if you’ve gotta do something boring, might as well yell foreign words while you do it!

★ Change your phone settings to your target language. That way you’re literally forcing yourself to use it, and it becomes second nature and you pick up key words so quickly. Only do it if you know how to get back into your settings and change it back if you have to... or else you’re stuck and lost. 

★ Listen to music and sing a lot. Just scream those lyrics! A little off-key screeching never hurt anybody!

★ Get comfortable with numbers. They’re something that is dominant in ALL languages and you’re going to use them on a daily basis. Start with learning how to count to ten and get comfortable with it, and then go higher. Once you’re used to numbers individually, make it harder. I used to get my mum to write out 10 random numbers between 1 to 10,000 in the morning and I would translate them, and then I would do the same for myself in the evening. After a while you get quicker at them and before you know it you don’t have to awkwardly translate them in your head anymore, the numbers are just there ready in your brain.

★ Don’t only watch dramas! Watch more natural stuff too - variety shows, vlogs, instagram lives... anything where people are just chatting like they normally would do. That way you’re subconsciously learning more casual speech patterns and casual language too!

★ Don’t just study at home! Always make sure you have a dictionary handy (like on your phone, for example!) and keep your brain busy while you’re out and about. Buying some groceries? Try to name everything in the fruit and vegetable aisles and if you don’t know the name of something, look it up! You’re more likely to remember vocab this way as your brain has a situation to associate it to.

★ Be mean and make yourself work for things you normally do - check your horoscope on a regular basis? Read it in your new language instead! Want to check out the weather forecast? Do it the hard way.

★ Don’t feel like studying? Not in the mood? Then don’t do it! Instead put on your favourite show in your study language of choice. Not every study session has to be a hard one. Just relax and watch a foreign movie! You have no idea how much your brain picks up without you even noticing, chilling out and watching a drama absolutely counts as studying. Don’t force yourself to study if you’re not feeling it, you’re more likely to learn if you’re having a good time.

Advanced Tips:

★ Get keyboard stickers - if your new language has a different alphabet and you use your laptop to study it a lot then you’re definitely gonna need these! You can buy them SUPER cheap on ebay!

★ Change the language on your Netflix account and get ready to binge watch your faves! If you change your profile language to the one that you’re studying, you’ll notice that a lot of the shows available will now show subtitles in that language too. If you’re pretty advanced then now is probably the time to drop your native subs and start watching with the original subtitles in the original language.. good luck! 

★ Play Pokemon. When the latest Pokemon games started coming out with Korean language options I JUMPED at the chance - what better way to study than to just laze around playing video games? This is great for any other kinds of games you can snatch up in your target language too.

★ Read a favourite book in your new language. A common one is Harry Potter! It’s pretty much available in every language at this point and it’s a story you probably already know, which means you never get too lost because you know the plot already.

Resources:

Here are a bunch of apps and things that I use for studying that I find super helpful (and all of these are free!)

Drops (for Thai and Korean - available in both the apple store and the google play store)  - I use this app every single day without fail. It’s brilliant for expanding your vocabulary (there are TONS of languages available on there too!) HOWEVER: It only lets you study for 5 minutes and then you have to wait around 9-ish hours before you gain another 5 minutes to work with unless you want to pay for more. But honestly? That’s a good thing. You only need 5 minutes of vocab study before your brain wants to dissolve into mush anyway. I get up, do my morning stuff (usually just involves rolling around and blinking in confusion before grabbing a coffee) and then sit and do 5 minutes of drops, and then by the evening my 5 minutes have replenished and I do it again. Rinse and repeat, and you’ll be learning more words in a week than you even realise!

Duolingo (I use this for Korean, there is currently no Thai option) - This app is fantastic. I don’t recommend it for beginners as it should be used as more of an aid alongside your natural studies, rather than as a study resource itself. This app expects you to already know the basics so I’d dig into this one once you’re starting to get a little comfortable with your language!

Naver Dictionary (for Korean) - I use this every single day! Not only does it help me when I need to find a certain word, it also gives me lists of example sentences which is PERFECT and super helpful when I’m trying to memorize words!  And for Thai I use Thai-English Dictionary (I can only find it in the Apple store sadly) and that’s incredibly handy too, I wouldn’t be able to cope without it! I also use this website as a Thai dictionary when I’m not on my iPad!

Talk To Me In Korean (for Korean) - This has been a core element to my Korean studies. They have tons of lessons available on their website, they do regular YouTube videos (usually only 5-10 mins long, perfect for just a mini casual study session!) and they also sell textbooks and do podcasts too. If you learn best from textbooks then these are by far my favourite ones I’ve found, give them a try! They’re not too pricey.

Lingodeer (for Korean) - It’s cute, it’s friendly and it’s helpful!! I learned a bunch of new phrases using this one and it’s perfect for casual study!

Memrise (for Korean) - Fantastic if you’re a beginner! There are tons of languages available on here too. Although, there are only 3 levels in Korean so I got through this one pretty fast. 

Eggbun (for Korean) - An app that encourages you to learn using a texting format! I haven’t really used it much but I have friends that have said it’s really useful!

Ling (for Thai and Korean) - This one was pretty good, once again though I wouldn’t use it if you’re a beginner, it’s probably a lot more helpful if you know the basics before you attempt this one! I’ve only used it for Thai but there’s a Korean option you could try checking it out!

Mondly (for Thai and Korean) - This app is cheeky and it wants your money. You get a bunch of free lessons to start with which are GREAT but that’s it. Then it reduces you to one free lesson a day but honestly? Still useful so go ahead and use it. They also have speaking practice available too!

Thai2English (for Thai) - This website is an absolute LIFESAVER!! If I’m ever browsing and come across a sentence that just throws me, I simply copy and paste and this legend of a website just breaks it down for me word for word.

Extra Korean links:

Children’s books in Korean

Learning Korean through fairytales - a textbook used in Korea for children who are learning to read, it’s helpful as a Korean language learner too! You get a little story and then it’ll ask you questions about what you just read. 

TOPIK previous exams - these are so good for practice and if you want to get a general idea of what academic level your Korean skills are at. 

Learning to type in Hangul - this one was fun and I now type Korean pretty comfortably on my laptop so if you know you’re gonna be typing a lot, I recommend this program!

[lalaytight]

NCT 127 + Sungtaro as Uni Students

-Information Prior to Reading-

Clearing - When applying to University after the official date of the A level results, national results, the clearing section opens which allows people who did not get the required grades or have changed their mind in term of courses, apply to university and get a spot.

Dissertation - he final project completed in the last year of University, is normally around one set topic and makes up a good chunk of the final grade awarded at the end of the course.

Pre's - Stands for Pre Drinks a social event where alcohol is consumed prior to going to the clubs.

Masters- A second degree normally 12-18 months long in addition to the bachelors degree when you first graduate. Normally more specific than the first degree.

Gap Year- A year taken between finishing up school and going off to university, normally spent either saving for university or more commonly travelling the world and 'finding' yourself in a third world country on a beaten path.

Pull/ going on the pull- The act of trying to get a date or take someone home with you whilst on a night out in the clubs/ pubs. Can be either successful or unsuccessful but is a great past time.

Tactical chunder-  The act of throwing up whilst drunk in order to sober yourself or remove some of the alcohol from your body. Is often done to make room for more alcohol.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, Swearing, overall shenanigans, phallic imagery (?), Illegal substance usage

Moon Taeil

Taeil is studying a Chemisty Masters. He completed the undergrad and met a girl. The year below and didn't want to do long distance. So he signed up for a master's course so they could stay in the same area. And he has to admit it was definitely a good choice. Not only is he not having to worry about getting a job, loosing his missus to someone else or having to part from his mainly younger best friends.

He considers himself old now and therefore, isn't involved in any of the society's or sports clubs. He also can't be bothered, not between labs and reports he's got to write. He can barely make time to play fortnite yet alone serious sports. But he will sneak into any of the parties being hosted by the societies his friends are a part of. Will bring his own bottle of Gin and never take it home but its all about the atmosphere. And hanging out with his friends.

In class, Taeil works with the same lab partner for everything. He hasn't changed since September and has no intent to. He's not big on making more friends than necessary and he's got this tight bond with his current partner and therefore, doesn't bother looking for anyone else if they have to do group work. He's studious and his reports are always written well. There's also a little smiling moon placed in the top corner of any one he has to print out. It's completely against the guideline published but its so cute he gets away with it each time. Plus he's also a major teacher's pet and will stay late to help clean the lab after a session.

On a night out Taeil is plastered. He's drunk out of his mind but it's the way he likes to be. He's buying everyone drinks. His bank accounts hurts at the end of the night but he only sees it as a good night. He has no interest in pulling or trying to flirt with anyone he's a committed man. But he will attempt to help his other friends settle down. Therefore, he's everyone's wingman. A shit one but its the effort that counts. If he's lost he's by the bar ordering shots for someone he thinks is sobering up too fast.

John Suh / Johnny

What would the great Johnny Suh study at university. Well its nothing you expect it to be. He's studying building surveying. Yeah you heard that right. And he's so proud of it. The looks he gets when people ask him what he does and that's his answer. This big tall buff guy who kinda screams like he's studying something sporty. He's all about buildings. Wont even try to say he's doing archetecture. Rather he'll just bring out a folder of photos on his phone which are just him in his High Vis Jacket in a multitude of poses.

Johnny is the captain of the Rugby team, that's how he met and then adopted Jeno. He can be seen only on Wednesday at the student night wearing his rugby uniform, the university mascot drawn on his face and a bottle of beer in his hand. He starts the sing along of the rugby boys as they walk through campus. You'll know the one, where they talk or chant about their appendages. He cheers the loudest when one of the newer players join in

In class Johnny is that one guy that everyone loves. He's fun he's entertaining and he's just so nice. He's always there to help his other peeps when they're struggling responding to the questions in the course group chat on Facebook. He send's merry Christmas and happy holidays messages without fail. The cutest little messages and stuff and if you didn't expect this great six foot something guy behind the screen you'd be correct. He's so nice and polite and seemingly hard working that he can get away with anything. You wouldn't notice that he does fuck all in a group project. He's just so present you think he's contributed loads. Until you notice the only writing he has on the entire worksheet is his name.

Johnny is the ultimate party planner. He's always responsible for organising the house party or pre's and he gets absolutely everyone around. He know's Jeno and next thing you know the rest of the younger guys are round his house and Johnny's suddenly got like 7 20 something year old sons. He's bringing all the snacks and an endless supply of Magners. Anyone wants a drink, help yourself. On a night out he's the first to break off from the group. He's straight to the smoking area to light up his juul. He spends a little too long there cause he's too busy flirting but he leaves with their insta and then goes to try and bully Mark onto the dance floor. But when Mark protests and he's told to leave Taeyong's son alone, his best partner is crime Jaehyun is right by his side to go thot drop to the 90s club hits playing on the floor.

Lee Taeyong

Taeyong is another masters student. His first degree was in illustration and he hated it. Completely put him off art. He never wanted to draw for a living ever again. Never again. But he didn't know what to do with his degree. That was until he went to a careers event and there was an art therapist present, and he knew this was his calling. Or perhaps he was desperate and the way the man talked seemed to draw him in. Therefore, his masters is art therapy.

Taeyong used to be the president of the music society, and he could have stayed on another year when he started his masters. But he decided to take a step back and instead focus on his studies. Or at least pretend to. Now he just focuses on not killing his housemates and wondering why he stayed in a student house for another year. Not when he could have afforded a studio apartment.

Taeyong feels a new life for art by doing his masters course. He's slowly falling back in love with the thing his first degree ruined for him. And the therapy side is so interesting and new to him that he's constantly amazed. To the point where he goes and actually does the further reading. He might be the only one in the class to do so but that doesn't stop him. The lecturers love him because of his genuine interest in the subject and he always gets the opportunity for anything cool they put on. His interest though can be a little dangerous as he's constantly testing his new techniques out on his roommates and if he has to see one more dick drawn by Yuta one of them will not be attending lectures the next day.

Taeyong contrary to popular belief is not the mom friend on a night out. He is the next morning. But on the night out he's wild. A lightweight who sticks to drinking wine only, he likes to belief he's the light and life of the party. He isn't really but he is the one on the tables at the club throwing the best dance moves. Every time he hits the dance floor its like he starts a performance and you can't take your eyes away. Somehow he's still in control of his movement. It's a miracle but he does it somehow. And the next morning he refuses to admit he was once again performing at the club like he was on a stage in front of millions as he's forcing bread down the throats of every single housemate.

Nakamoto Yuta

Yuta doesn't seem to be a big reader when you look at him. You'd never think he'd spend most of his university time bent over a book reading it to be able to write the report about it. Probably because he doesn't but he's an English Literature student nevertheless.

Yuta belongs to the football, soccer, club and is the captain. He takes great pride in his team but will not hesitate to do a fun meaningless game often. In fact he was the one who suggested to Johnny that the football and the rugby team should play eachother at tennis of all sports to see who was the superior. Before a big match Yuta attempts to organise more practice, but its never okayed by the coach. He still goes to the pitch to wait and is disappointed every time when nobody turns up to his unofficial training session.

Yuta loves his English literature class. Mainly because they do deep dives into the book and he secretly does love reading he just doesn't like being told what books to read. He's passionate about Brontè and can tell you almost anything about the twilight universe. But he absolutely refuses to read the books for the assignments. Rather he'll scroll his way through a couple summaries, a wikipedia page and one of those websites that publish old essays instead. His grades are high and he's yet to be caught not having read really any of the books they've worked on. Rather he just flings around the terminology and hopes its actually being used. Yuta attends every lecture, not because he wants to learn. Rather because he loves going in to his class and talking to the rest of the students on his course. He's a part of a mainly female friendship group and he's not hesitant to tell them when they deserve better than the guy that's stringing them on. He's always there to remind them how they truly deserve to be treated and point out the red flags when the girls try to justify staying with them. He wouldn't ever date any of them, and he's sure many of them think he swings for the other team only. But like he's not going to protest. Unless they're being mistreated by their partners and they need to wake up. He also makes a small fortune selling his old notes to students in the year below, Jaemin has set up a monthly subscription pay to ensure he gets all the notes he can't be bothered to take.

At a party Yuta can be found drinking some sort of liquor and chatting to Doyoung in the corner. The pair are laughing like school girls and having the times of their lives. If you ever approach expect to be disgusted and possibly confused considering how much of a strong feminist he is. The pair can be found having the most controversial conversations possible. Yuta just wants to argue though and Doyoung presents a very good opportunity. When asked later he will never deny what you heard nor excuse his words, only gives a meek smile and then disappears. He's found in the grimiest bathroom normally and he's not alone. Let's leave that one up to the imagination. But he's the self proclaimed king of one night stands.

Kim Dongyoung / Doyoung

Doyoung was confused at first over what subject to take. He was torn between law and criminology. To the point where he had applied and had offers for both courses some of which being at the same university. However, when it came to results days he ended up on the criminology course. He's not pressed though.

Doyoung is not involved in any societies or sports. However, he is pretty involved in another aspect of the university community. He's very frequently involved in the university confessions page on Facebook. He's actually one of the admins. And he loves to approve and post the more controversial confessions. Especially the ones which are most likely to cause massive arguments between courses. He'll accept the confession post it and then just sit back and watch the chaos. He's Admin C.

Class wise Doyoung loves the argumentative side of the subject. Why wouldn't he be involved in the discussions and debates. It's his favourite part and he's always team captain. But when it's normal classwork he's just as involved. In his opinion if he's paying all this money for the course he's going to get as much out of it as possible. He'll do the snazzy presentation for your group project with the transitions background noises and memes. You get high scores because of this presentation. He's top of the class and has no intent of letting that position go to someone else.

On a night out he can be seen purposefully trying to stir the pot. He's a shit starter and proud and its even worse when drunk. You think someone is looking at you funny, he'll say they are and then go with you to confront them. He'll talk about something controversial and try to play devils advocate just to watch your reaction. He is also the one to have the evidence of what happened on his snapchat the next morning. A useful ally to have if you want those pictures deleted.

Jung Yoonoh/ Jaehyun

Big, tall, kinda scary looking Jaehyun is studying education. He's always wanted to be a dad, but his parents warned him of the problems of being a teenaged dad. And then again at having kids really young before you have the money needed to support them. So he had to suck up the desire to be a father until he found an happy alternative. Enter Jaehyun studying to be an Early years, ages 4-8, teacher. He can be the school father to these children and then hand them back to their parents in the afternoon.

Jaehyun used to be part of the football team until he realised he couldn't be bothered. He then tried to dabble in some of the societies but he couldn't find one he enjoyed. Rather he settled in becoming one of the campus crushes. Running a successful instagram account and taking a part in the social media take-over event the student union hosted.

Jaehyun loves his course only when he's out working on placement within the school setting. He hates the class work. But when he's in class that's where he shines, well most of the time. He loves the kids, and they love him. The bond he builds is so strong and it normally works very well in his favour the class listening to what he wants them to do and everything generally seems to go well for him. He's also a hit with the female teachers who are supervising him. To the point where he can get away with nearly anything. He'll never forget the one time he turned up after a heavy night out, hanging out of his boots, to the point he was throwing up in the students toilet and he's charm and good looks meant the female teacher he was working with let him off the hook. He swore never to drink again before going to work but he totally owed it to her for not reporting him to the university for being completely out of sorts to the point where he just put on a film all afternoon and snoozed on the desk.

When he's not got work the next morning Jaehyun is down for the longest night out he can muster. He will drag everyone to the one club that closes at 6am. By the end of the night there's only a few strong solider's left, namely Johnny, Yuta Jungwoo and himself, but he'd never stop. His wallet hurts after paying all the entry fees but it was completely worth it. His favourite student night is the naughties night that is hosted every term, he's screaming along to Beyonce and Fall out boy all night along. He's hit hard by the hangover the next morning but his cuddle buddy Taeyong is more than used to it by now and the pair sit watching reruns of Judge Judy and feeling sorry for themselves.

Dong Sicheng/ WinWin

Included in WayV link pending

Kim Jungwoo

Jungwoo might arguably be the smartest of the bunch and he won't let you forget when he's proudly stating he studies Engineering. He deserves to as well cause the course is hard. He's a mathematical genius and he's dream is to go on to study robotics afterwards.

Jungwoo is a proud member of the Harry Potter society. Well kinda, his housemates all know he's a part of the society and he's very active talking about it to them all. But he won't actively tell people he's apart of it outside his close friends. It's mainly because he's embarrassed that he's one of the younger members normally heavily surrounded by middle aged women. But he wouldn't leave, he's too deep in the fan fiction they're collectively writing. #JusticeforWolfStar.

Jungwoo is relatively quiet in class choosing to stick with his selected course mate group. He doesn't tend to speak to anyone outside his tutor group and instead focuses more on just trying to pass each assignment sent his way. He does try his hardest to stay on top of the work assigned for him, and tries to put his effort in. But as he gets closer and closer to the end of the course he cannot find it in himself to put as much effort in as he did in his second year, he was pissed or high for most of his first year to say he was putting his uttermost effort in. He is however, well known for bringing the best weed brownies to the tutor group parties. It's a secret recipe he refuses to tell anyone how he does it.

If you've lost Jungwoo on a night out he's 1000% in the smoking area. If he's not lit up he's sat there chatting people up left right and centre. It's his favourite socialisation point and he states he can always find the most interesting people in the smoking area. And normally get a couple of free cigarettes out of it. He's the first to ask if you've got a lighter he can use. He's a big fan of hitting the gay club at about 3am because their drinks are normally cheaper and it stays open the latest. Also because there's a chance he'll bump into a drag queen.

Mark Lee

Included in NCT Dream's version

Lee Donghyuck/ Haechan

Included in NCT Dream's version

Osaki Shotaro

Shotaro is another student studying theatre studies. At first he wanted to just study Dance but then decided he liked the idea of studying more of the entire theatre style. So he randomly applied for one theatre studies course. He was accepted and didn't look back.

Therefore, as part of the group studying theatre he has to take part in the productions the university put on. Well it's not a exact demand for the course but it's heavily implied. And Shotaro doesn't mind, especially when he successfully lands the role of Dance captain every single time. It's his favourite thing to go up to the cast announcement list and see his name next to dance captain. He also loves attending all the costume fittings ensuring to arrive as early as possible and drag it out for a little while longer. It's most likely because he's got a crush on one of the students working on the costumes, but he's way too shy to actually ask them out.

Shotaro can normally be found staying late in some of the practice rooms. Despite his dancing skills, being part of the theatre course means he has to be involved in the other sides and his confidence is lacking. Therefore, he is working his hardest until he feels like he's on par with some of the other students. He mainly gets help from Haechan who's taken a liking to the other boy and the pairs mutual love for Justin Bieber solidified their friendship.

Another lightweight, Shotaro is cautious of how much he has to drink at any point of the night. He likes to still be in control and therefore has never been black out drunk. But he has tried a little bit of everything. Plus Yuta has practically adopted him on nights out and therefore, if Shotaro is tempted for a drink he'll get one but never has to pay for it. And no Yuta doesn't pay for it either but they do con some unsuspecting person into paying for them both.

Jung Sungchan

Sungchan was another confused at first on which subject he wanted to study at university. He was torn between just Media and then the more specific Film Studies. Though after one very intense talk from a Film studies tutor at sixth form he did chose Film studies.

He's also involved in the school productions, he has the responsibility of filming the performances, well at least one or two of them, so that they can upload them to the theatre society's YouTube channel. He is also in charge of organising the lightening of the show when he's not working the camera. When he has to focus on the recording he just ends up praying the lightening works as he leaves it partially under the control of Jisung and knows if he dares has a go at the societies baby he's dead.

Sungchan is that one member of the class who seems to always have the best editing software on his laptop and the most intense amount of knowledge regarding it. When anyone asks he only states it because he didn't want to look like an idiot on his first couple days. The truth is that he runs a rather successful YouTube channel where he makes edits and crack videos. Sony after effects is his best friend.

On a night out Sungchan lets loose. He absolutely loves the feeling of alcohol in his system. He becomes clumsy and for his size it can cause many problems but he wouldn't have it any other way. He tends to have to be guided through a dance floor by someone else to avoid bumping into people and spilling his over priced double vodka and coke. He's desperate to head for food at about 2am and rushes to follow someone the instant they mention being hungry.

[msbarrows]

Never Again, Newegg

So today I splurged and bought a new gaming laptop, my first computer purchase since I got my old Dell Vostro 400 desktop back in 2007 (which amazingly still works as of the last time I booted it up, it’s just a complete dinosaur and I don’t even have it plugged in or connected to anything since I last rearranged my desk back in November). Shiny New Laptop (which was new in 2013) was a gift. So this was a very exciting day for me.

Purchased an HP Omen 17″ direct from HP Canada, and am very happy about the purchase (also got a new monitor on sale, with full HD resolution - current monitor tops out at 1600x900), and even popped for a 3 year extended warranty, because HP is having a thing where if you don’t actually use it, you have 90 days after it eventually expires to request a refund. First time I’ve actually said yes to an extended warranty; kudos on whomever decided that was a good policy to have, I entirely agree.

Anyway, with those on the way, there were also some odds and ends of additional items I wanted to purchase. Like they only had the 17″ available with a 256GB PCIe SSD boot drive paired with a 1TB secondary HDD - and I’d rather have that second drive also be an SSD. HP lets you do things like change/add drives or RAM without it invalidating your warranty (they even tout how easy the case is to open as a feature), yet another thing I’m really liking about this purchase, so I decided to pop for a 2TB SSD to replace that with. I plan to stick the HDD in an external 3.0 drive enclosure; removing it should increase the battery life of the laptop, and I have a nice powered 3.0 USB hub I can plug it into for use (yay past me for planning ahead and getting a 3.0 hub rather than 2.0). Figure it can hold things like big media files where playback speed is not a real issue, ie, movies and music and photos.

So anyway, I’d never used Newegg before, but I didn’t want to throw money at Amazon, and Best Buy didn’t have everything I wanted, so I decided to try them out. Website is fairly nicely designed, their filtering is awesome (best I’ve found yet) so it was very disappointing when I went to submit the order and things immediately started going seriously wrong.

First off, it apparently timed out partway through submitting the payment. It landed me on a screen saying that the order hadn’t been processed, I hadn’t been charged, and to please try again. I stupidly believed that, and didn’t double-check (my bad, but still their site’s fault). So I redid the submission. It went through. Checked my email - yup, there was the order emails. Yes, multiple, they process every item ordered as a separate order and order # rather than as one set of multiple items, so I had 5 emails in total - received your order, charged payment for items 1-4. Ugh, stupid design, but whatever.

Go to make supper. A bit later my brother (who was kindly letting me use his CC for all this) came to check with me, very concerned - he’s received 10 emails. The order had gone through twice. So I leave off making supper, go upstairs to cancel the duplicate order... only the Newegg site says the items are invalid to cancel. What. The. FUCK.

Double check my emails - I have the second set of emails too, arriving a good 20 minutes after the first. I immediately get on with their online customer support, explain the situation, list all 8 order numbers divided into their two sets.

Customer rep can only cancel 2 of the 4 on first order, because apparently once they start packaging an order, you can’t cancel it any more, and despite it having been only around a half hour since I placed the order, some of it’s already being packed. Okay, so can we cancel the duplicates on the second order? She goes to look that up, I tell her exactly which two order numbers that would be, as I have the order screen open in front of me. Nope, she can’t do that one, lists one of the numbers she’d already cancelled. We go back and forth doublechecking, I again tell her what two specific order numbers still need to be cancelled. Nope, still can’t do it. Another run of double checking, list the two specific numbers a third time - and ffs, it turns out the problem is she hasn’t noticed the difference between a duplicate order ending in 79703 and the one ending in 80703 that she’d previously cancelled, which is why her attempts to cancel it have repeatedly failed. GAH!

By now we’ve been in chat for almost 40 minutes, and I have progressed from being merely annoyed to flat out frustrated RAGE. She finally tries to cancel the right numbers, and NOPE, those are now also in packaging. Supposedly my only option is to wait until they arrive, and either refuse the delivery (assuming I can identify which package(s) are those two specific duplicate items) or process a return. And while she says that a return wouldn’t involve a restocking fee, I can’t help but notice she’s not saying anything about shipping costs. Just WTF kind of poorly designed ordering system is this!? And who the hell doesn’t have a built-in buying remorse period of at least an hour before they start on actually shipping stuff?

Argh. Ugh ugh UGH. End chat, go to finish making supper, talk it back and forth with brother about what we should do (while feeling horrible that I ended up putting doubled charges on his card). So distracted I ended up burning the rolls for what was going to be meatball subs, and had to do noodles instead. Supper was very late, good thing this is not a day where he’s working nights.

Thankfully, someone somewhere successfully fixes it; after supper I found three emails saying they were “out of stock” on the duplicate items, and when I checked their site again, I’m now showing as having 3 of the 4 items remaining (and all with the button for me to manually cancel them enabled), and everything else cancelled (thankfully the one item they cancelled both of is just a 16gb USB key I wanted for recovery media, and I can get one of those just about anywhere). So, at least they made it right in the end, but that doesn’t at all help with the earlier frustration, and being so full of rage I was both nauseous and on the verge of tears, which is not a feeling I at all enjoy. Crying because of a heartbreaking scene in a book = good, crying because of a crappy customer experience = bad.

Never buying from them again, no matter how nice their filtering is. Never recommending them to anyone. Just, never ever again.

[camillemontespan]

confident camille [interview!]

I really really hope you like this. I was planning to release this in like two weeks but I feel I can’t add anymore to this piece. I really enjoyed writing this one, like ridiculously enjoyed. It felt like sitting down with a friend - and I know that’s weird but I guess that I’ve been writing Camille for so long now that she does feel like a friend. 

Imagine this is a magazine spread :)

I’m so excited to publish this one. Not because I think it’s good but because this is Camille right here. 

@moonlightgem7​ @ibldw-main​ @emichelle​ @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore​ @katedrakeohd​ @loveellamae​ @mskaneko​ @gardeningourmet​ @jovialyouthmusic​ @sirbeepsalot​ @dcbbw​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite​ @saivilo​ @notoriouscs​ @walkerswhiskeygirl​ @pug-bitch​ @dcbbw​ @rainbowsinthestorm​ @burnsoslow​ ***************************************************************************************

The Duchess of Valtoria is in a chatty mood. As she poses for photographs for our cover story, Camille takes breaks to ask the crew how they are, what’s everyone got planned for the weekend and what did we think of the latest Beaumont Bash theme?

She is dressed in a bohemian pink dress which fits the theme of our issue today - confidence. The dress is bright and colourful, just like the woman wearing it. Later, she will be changed into a white shirt and ripped denim jeans with heels, and more pictures will be taken. Our creative director wants Camille’s confidence to shine from the page; looking at the images, we agree that our vision has come to life.

When Camille finally gets a moment to sit down with a cup of coffee, she changes into jeans and a loose fitting sweater. She hooks her denim clad legs up beside her and settles in for our interview. She looks upbeat and happy, her smile making the corners of her eyes crease, a smile that is genuine. 

It’s remarkable to me that despite the current press attention - which has been intrusive and negative - Camille is still smiling. She must have really thick skin.

'I’ve learned to block a lot of it out,’ she admits. 'At the end of the day, only you know who you really are, not anyone else. I don’t listen to those who say I’m the worst Duchess in Cordonia or that I’m a bad mom. I get on with it.’

And she certainly has been doing that. For the past ten years, Camille and her husband, Drake, have fielded negative press. Yes, they have also been subjects of positive articles and they are much loved in Cordonia; but there are still many traditionalists who make a point of slating them. 

Previous negative news stories have focused on Drake being too vocal about men’s health, Camille being too ‘fake’, their decision to have their daughters study at a ‘normal’ school (i.e one where they are the only noble students) and the couple implementing a restraining order against the paparazzi. While news outlets condemned the couple, Drake and Camille carried on with their daily lives.

I ask what led to their decisions, starting with the restraining order.

'Our daughter, Lily,  was photographed in the school playground when she was five,’ Camille tells me, her eyes flashing. 'That made us incredibly angry and so that set the wheels in motion to get the courts involved. Then when we found out I was pregnant with Luna, that really forced us to evaluate everything.’

I wonder what that entailed.

'Drake and I sat down together at the kitchen table and we set out what we wanted for our family,’ she explains gently, hands spread, justifying herself to me. 'It’s one thing when we are being photographed, you know? That comes with the territory of being Duke and Duchess. But when your child becomes involved.. The child you have tried so hard to protect.. Well, it makes you take a long hard look at everything around you. We felt like we failed Lily and we refused to make the same mistake with our second child. ’

Her voice cracks now. I tell her that they hadn’t failed their daughter but she shakes her head. 'We had,’ she interrupts, her voice thick. 'She was supposed to be safe and when her picture was plastered all over the news, she was instantly vulnerable.’

Drake and Camille are notoriously private when it comes to their family life. Their daughters go to a school where they are the only noble children, a decision that prompted outrage among the aristocracy and media. 

'We wanted them to have a normal childhood,’ Camille says, shrugging. ‘I was born a commoner, as was Drake. The whole royal circus doesn’t fit our personalities and we wanted our kids to just be kids, you know? I think it’s amazing that they have their own friends who are not of noble blood, it’s refreshing. And guess what? The other kids don’t care that Lily and Luna are noble! They literally don’t! They just play and fight and get muddy outside; they exchange leaves as a declaration of love, for gods sake. They’re children.’ 

I get the feeling that their girls  are  little firecrackers. Camille grins. 'That’s exactly the word to describe them. Actually, funny you should say that because Drake calls them his little pocket rockets.’

Drake is the one who first told the press that they were seeking a restraining order against them. He has made no secret of his dislike of the media circus that surrounds his family, yet I wonder why he isn’t here today.

'Because he will get all fiery,’ Camille says, giving me a wink. 'He’s a fiery guy, my husband.’

That is certainly one way to describe Drake Walker. 

‘He is very protective,’ she continues. ‘But he has to be. I guess when I was being stalked on a daily basis, I didn’t want to complain? Like, I thought if I complained about my invasion of privacy then everyone would go ‘oh poor little Duchess in her golden tower.’ I didn’t want to seem.. Ungrateful for my position. And the photographs come with my position so I didn’t say anything. Does that make sense?’

She looks at me with wide eyes. I say it does. She smiles, her shoulders relaxing now. ‘Well, Drake isn’t like that. He saw me being stalked by the paparazzi and it made him so, so angry. He defended me when I wouldn’t defend myself. I was so good at keeping my head down, trying to be a polite and regal Duchess. I wouldn’t make a scene. Drake can’t do that and I’m grateful to him for being the tough one.’

Drake has ensured that whenever his family are photographed, pixels cover their children’s faces. Yet it was a rogue photographer who took Lily’s picture while she was playing in the playground years ago and sold it to the highest bidder. ‘We felt sick to our stomachs,’ Camille tells me quietly. ‘She was only five. So I’m here today to say that I’m tearing up the rule book when it comes to what’s expected of me. I’m not going to sit and be silent anymore; when you target my little girls, I’m like a lioness protecting her cubs. I will go after you.’

She says all of this in a quiet, soft voice but not once does she waver. Since becoming a mother, it is clear that Camille has changed. Gone are the days of when she first came to public attention and wore an innocent smile, winked at the cameras and talked non-stop about New York. She seems more self aware, more reserved, fragile.

‘Oh, this life changes you,’ she confirms, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. ‘One hundred percent. When you have to watch how you appear to the masses, watch what you say.. You have to look out for yourself. I actually cringe when I look back at previous interviews I’ve done and I’m showing the journalist around my dressing room. Like, here’s my new Valentino dress!  I was so new to this shiny world. Uhhh why?! That is not how a duchess behaves! I can totally see it from Bertrand Beaumont’s viewpoint now!’

I admit that Trend does love a look around their interviewee’s closet and the beauty section on our website is partial to a video of a celebrity showing off their make-up routine. Something tells me that Camille wouldn’t take part in this now. 

She has changed, but so has her husband. He used to be in the background at court; now he is at the forefront. Has the change been gradual?

‘Yes,’ she says. ‘But he’s changed for the better. His walls are down, he talks about how he’s feeling which is so, so important. He has his mental health foundation, Mind over Matter, that is going from strength to strength and he is such a good dad. I honestly couldn’t live without him.’

Drake and Camille met during the suitor competition that saw her compete against the other noble ladies of court for King Liam’s hand in marriage. The suitors had to take part in events such as boating and horse riding, while touring the country to show themselves to the public. Camille was the favourite to win; she shocked everyone when she rejected Liam’s proposal, instead choosing to be with his best friend, the one and only Drake Walker.  When did she realise she wasn’t there for Liam anymore?

Camille reddens at my question and clears her throat. ‘I had to be very, very honest,’ she admits. ‘Questions were asked. I guess I realised that throughout the whole thing, the one person I wanted to spend time with was Drake. Okay, you know when you have a big crush and you wake up and the first thing you do is think of them? Or you feel constant butterflies in your stomach that just won’t go away when you talk to them? That was Drake for me. He was it.’

But when did she realise she loved him?

‘When I saw him dancing with someone else,’ she says instantly. ‘I always danced with Liam, you see. But one night, while I’m dancing with Liam, I looked over his shoulder and saw Drake dancing with my friend Kiara and that.. that hurt because Drake never danced with anyone. It was innocent, of course, but I realised that all I wanted was to dance with him. I wanted to dance all my dances with him.’

She shrugs. 

I ask how she feels about Kiara, who is well known amongst the press. Did Camille feel like she was competing for his attention?

Camille blinks. ‘Uh, no,’ she replies. ‘I’ll be honest, I’m a girls girl. I support other women, like with my podcast (more on this later). When I say that it hurt to see Drake dancing with Kiara, it doesn’t mean I didn’t like her. I do like her, very much actually. But I never viewed it as a competition because it wasn’t; if anything, Drake was doing his own thing. I was in a contest to marry his best friend, it would  have been totally unfair for me to want him to ignore other women and just focus on me.’

She is panicking now, trying her best not to say something that will bite her on the ass. I divert back to her feelings about Drake and Liam; how did she feel when she came clean?

‘Like a weight was lifted,’ she says. ‘Once I was honest, I felt like I could move on. It was hard and I felt guilty, but I did feel relief.’

I imagine Drake felt more than relief at landing the girl of his dreams. ‘No,’ Camille muses. ‘He took it really hard actually. He is a glutton for punishment and felt so guilty for betraying his best friend. When I told him I had said no to Liam, he didn’t believe me and when he finally did, he asked why I had done something so stupid..’

I ask her to elaborate. She smiles weakly. ‘Drake used to be really negative about himself. He didn’t believe he was worthy of happiness. But he is so worthy and I’ve worked really hard to make sure his walls don’t come back up and that he talks to me if things start feeling too much.’

Drake has been vocal in the past about his struggle with depression and alcohol. How did Camille feel when she found out? Was she aware of it?

She bites her lip. ‘He was good at hiding it,’ she finally says. ‘I feel like I failed him as I just didn’t realise for a long time. I’m usually so good at understanding people, you know? I can tell when someone is feeling  vulnerable. But it completely blind sided me.’

Did Drake tell her himself? ‘No. He just slipped up. I wish he had had the courage to tell me, but I understand why he felt he couldn’t. He’s a proud man, my husband. He doesn’t like to feel like a burden - not that he is. But there’s only so much shit one person can take..’

 I gently ask Camille how she deals with his demons.

‘You take it day by day,’ she tells me. ‘I don’t force him to be something he’s not. If he’s having a bad day, I leave him to it but at the end of that day, I do sit him down and ask him to talk about how he’s feeling. He attends AA meetings and has therapy. He’s made huge strides in talking about his emotions - he set up his own mental health foundation for God's sake, that’s huge. I’m honestly so proud of him.’ 

Drake has received somewhat narrow minded criticism from male journalists who call him ‘weak’ for discussing mental health issues in men. Apparently, according to some, men in Cordonia are happy and strong, thank you very much. I wonder what Camille thinks of him being the public figurehead of men's mental health, leading the crusade. 

‘I think it’s really brave of him actually,’ she says instantly. She’s clenched her fists and I can see from the ramrod straight position of her back that she has been expecting this line of questioning and is on the defensive. ‘It takes a lot for a man of his position to stand up and admit that he is an alcoholic and suffered from depression. He opened himself up to a lot of scrutiny; he’s such a private person too, so he really was going against his own nature to talk about something that is so important. He’s helped thousands of men in Cordonia because of it.’

She is passionate and fierce when it comes to her husband. Her voice quietens and she wrings her hands together. ‘He’s inspired me to be more brave,’ she murmurs. ‘He’s made me want to stand up for things that matter, to ignore the naysayers and just do my thing. Drake paves the way and I’m just happy to follow in his footsteps.’

They are a refreshing noble couple in that they don’t shy away from real world issues. They make it their mission to spread positivity and reach out to those in need. Camille set up a rehabilitation centre for recovering drug users, a move that many found to be too risky as it would bring up questions about her past, but Camille shrugs it off. 

‘I saw my parents struggle in their battle with drug addiction,’ she says. ‘It’s an issue that’s very important to me.’

We know nothing about her parents except for their drug abuse. Is there anything Camille can tell us today that shines a light on them? Camille bites her lip and hesitates, as if trying to work out if this is a trick question. In the end, she smiles and she clears her throat.

‘My father was called Jacob,’ she begins. ‘My mother was called Gabrielle.’ She laughs to herself. ‘You know Chanel’s perfume Gabrielle? I wear it everyday. Not because it smells beautiful, though it does, but because it’s my mom’s name. I like to think I’m close with her when I wear that scent. You know when you miss your mom so you wear her scarf that smells of her skin? It’s like that. Lily does that with one of my sweaters, she will wear it sometimes when I’m away on business as a way to keep me with her. So, the perfume works like that with me and my mom. We weren’t exactly close when I was a child, so I guess that’s my way of trying to rectify that.’

I ask her which of her parents she is most like. ‘My dad,’ she says, smiling. ‘Before he became an addict, he was the best dad ever. He was also so handsome, so so handsome. He had these beautiful green eyes that shone. My eyes are my mom’s and Drake loves my eyes, right, but I wish I had my daddy’s eyes.’ She says this last part wistfully, as if she’s imagining it. 

She’s being so open right now which is a delight; usually, she doesn’t mention her parents at all. She continues. ‘He was a great cook and he loved to talk to people. If he spoke to you, he would make you feel like you were the only person in the world. He had that gift.’

She tails off. I must admit that Camille has that gift too. I tell her so and her face breaks into a wide grin that crinkles up the corners of her brown eyes. ‘Really?!’ she cries. ‘Oh my gosh, thank you so much. That is really sweet of you.’

It is tragic that this man that she speaks of so highly is no longer here. But she shuts down when she mentions his downfall and so, I move the conversation onto something lighter, such as her new podcast.

Camille rolls her eyes. ‘Are you going to say I’m being a crappy Duchess who doesn’t know her place?’ she teases, gently squeezing my hand. I’m not; I’m actually an avid listener of her episodes and Camille claps her hands excitedly. ‘Aah you’re so kind!’

There has been negative press about the release of Camille’s podcast ‘Working Girl.’ Released last year, the podcast is hosted by the Duchess who interviews women who are at the top of their careers to pick their brains on their career paths, the glass ceiling, women’s opportunities at work and if they have any wisdom to share with the listeners. According to statistics, 80% of listeners are women. Does Camille want male listeners too?

‘Yes,’ she says instantly. ‘I want to close that gap. I want men to listen to these powerful women and re-evaluate everything they’ve been conditioned to believe at work, like women should be paid less or that men can do a better job. I want to challenge the traditional views held by most of Cordonian society - because let’s face it, Cordonia is so, so traditional- and I want to use my voice to make a difference. I’m feeling brave and I’m doing it my way.’

The media has called her ‘out of touch’ with noble life. Because hosting a podcast about women’s rights is apparently not something a Duchess should do. According to the experts of regal life - the tabloids-, Camille must stay in her duchy for all time, under lock and key, pushing out baby after baby after baby, wave politely and must, absolutely,  let the paparazzi take pictures of her anytime they want to. I say this to Camille and she bursts out laughing, a deep throaty laugh that makes you feel warm just by hearing it. 

‘You got it in one,’ she tells me, wiping her eyes. ‘Look, I know I’m not a traditional duchess and my husband isn’t a traditional duke. But we are deliberately like that; we want to challenge convention and make changes from the inside. Drake wants to improve the lives and wellbeing of the men in Cordonia while I want every women at work to feel like they can achieve their ambitions. I want a world where my daughters can get a job and know that they will have a great future there, without being held back by perceived notions about their gender. Men forget that women are strong and powerful; it’s about time we reminded them of that little detail.’

She has clearly been spending a lot of time with Olivia Nevrakis. Camille giggles. ‘She’s one of my interviewees! Oh my God, she’s a riot. She wanted to drink wine during our podcast session and I was like, ‘Liv, it’s 10am,’ and she goes, ‘So?’ I honestly love her.’ 

What made Camille decide to make the podcast? 

‘My friend, Kiara- you know, the Duchess who danced with my husband all those years ago-’ she says with a knowing wink - ‘wanted to land a top job within international trade in the government. But she kept being passed over for men who weren’t as qualified as she was. She was literally told by an interviewer that she should just settle down and be a Duchess. It was rude. I spoke to our friends, like Olivia, Hana and Penelope, and we were all in agreement that we wanted to do more with our roles. We have this amazing platform to make a change and I realised that if Kiara, who is fluent in four languages and has an incredible education, is struggling to land the job of her dreams, how many more women out there are in the same boat? So, Working Girl was set up.’

It is a great podcast. It fires you up and makes you feel like you can take on the world. I literally went out and bought a power suit after listening to her fiery discussion with Olivia. I ask her if Drake listens to it.

‘Of course!’ she cries, her eyes widening. ‘Oh, he is so supportive. If I’m researching another women to interview, he will give me suggestions. He suggested Salma Hayek but I think that’s only because he has a huge crush on her.. I contacted her people, just waiting to hear back. I’d love to see Drake go all nervous and tongue tied! I wouldn’t blame him.’ 

She laughs and then goes back to being serious. ‘Yes, he listens. He tells me that if he is away in another country and it’s a different time zone which means I’m asleep, he will listen to my podcast so he can hear my voice.’ 

Her voice is like caramel; it can be quite husky in places but soft in others. She has the right voice for recording podcasts; if she wasn’t a Duchess, I’d suggest she host a radio show.

Moving on from women, we begin to chat about her daughters.  I tell her that looking at Drake, you can’t imagine him being the type to have daughters. He has always talked about his love for the outdoors, getting muddy. I can’t see his daughters being excited by mud. Lily is ten, while Luna is five; they are the spitting image of Camille. 

‘Ah, but you forget that they are half Walker!’ Camille tells me, laughing. ‘Lily is a daddy’s girl and she loves getting outside with him. She likes camping and hiking. When she was younger, she was always collecting frogs.. Seriously, she had a frog collection in our garden and she gave them all names. My older daughter may be really girly but she is also a little rough and ready. I wouldn’t have her any other way.’ 

What is Luna like? Are they close or is the age difference tricky?

Camille considers this. ‘Luna is very different to Lily,’ she says. ‘Yes, obviously the age difference means they are at totally different stages of life but they are close; Lily really looks out for her sister. In terms of personality,  Luna is quieter and quite reserved. Like, when Lily was her age, she was bounding around, a firecracker, bursting with energy. Luna is not like that. She always has her head in a book, she loves to draw and she hates the colour pink, unlike Lily who adores pink. Her favourite film is Nightmare Before Christmas, which isn’t a typical kid’s film, right? But she loves spooky stuff. I think the fact her name means ‘moon’ is a good indication of her personality. Also, while Lily is more like me, Luna is very much like her daddy.’

I’m surprised by this. In what way, I ask.

‘She is very observant,’ Camille explains. ‘Even as a baby, you could tell she was always looking around the room, at the people around her, trying to suss them out. Drake was the same; he’s good at reading people just from always being the background when he was young. She also has quite a dry sense of humour which is rare in a five year old. Like, the other day she accidently broke one of Lily’s necklaces and handed it to her with a totally blank face and went, ‘Oops.’ Deadpan. I’m really curious to see what she will be like when she’s older. I got a feeling she isn’t going to take any shit.’ 

She smiles now. ‘I love her so much.’ 

I ask if Luna enjoys camping too. After all, if she prefers to read books, maybe camping isn’t her scene. 

‘Make no mistake,’ Camille says, ‘Luna loves camping too. Drake has succeeded in his mission to make his daughters love the outdoors! Dad of the Year Award coming up, he would probably say.’

Can she see a son in their future?

Camille shrugs. ‘Maybe? Who knows. We haven’t really discussed it; I think Drake has resigned himself to a life of tea parties. But if we did have a son in the future, we would call the baby Jackson after Drake’s own dad. Lily, Luna and Jackson. It sounds nice, right?’

They are a close family unit. I ask what they get up to in their downtime, as surely being Duke and Duchess takes it out of them. 

‘Sundays are our day,’ she confirms. ‘That’s the morning when the kids barrel into our bedroom at 8am, excited to greet the day because it means they can spend all the time with us without school or our meetings getting in the way. I read the paper or drink my coffee in bed, while Drake and Lily play on top of us. Luna snuggles into me and  tries to read the articles too, though she is still learning so she won’t understand it all. We’re all squished up together. It’s claustrophobic, it’s messy, it’s elbows in faces, but I love it.’ 

She pauses for a moment with a thoughtful expression on her face. ‘If I’ve learned anything from ten years of marriage, it’s the moments in between that count.’ 

I ask her what that means, hoping she will impart wisdom for me to absorb and apply to my daily life. Camille smiles. ‘My husband loves the moments in between,’ she explains softly. ‘It’s when you take a moment to yourself and do something that gives you joy and peace. Like, drinking a glass of whiskey by the fire. Or getting lost in a deep conversation with a friend. It’s carving that little space for yourself to just.. Be.’

Drake sounds quite philosophical, I tell her. Camille giggles. ‘He is! When I first came to Cordonia and we hung out, we had those moments. If I needed to escape the competition for an hour, get out of the claustrophobic bubble we were in, Drake was there. He would take me to dive bars or to pizza restaurants. It was a sense of normality and calm amongst the chaos. It helped me to focus on myself and enjoy those little moments that Drake gave me.’ 

Did Drake know what he was doing?

‘Absolutely,’ she says with a firm nod her head. ‘He knew I was feeling pressure. He can read people really well, you see. Years of being on the sidelines at court taught him to judge situations and people. He can see a fraud from a mile away. He could see me with a fake smile on my face as I took part in the competition and he knew I was feeling like a fish out of water.’ 

I ask if Camille viewed herself as a fraud, noting the vitriolic way she is now speaking.  She sighs. ‘I felt like a fraud, yes,’ she replies. ‘I hated lying and acting like I was wanting to win. It was exhausting. It was hard keeping my feelings down. I can’t do that. I’m a really emotional person, I wear my heart on my sleeve.’

She is clearly talking about her hidden feelings for Drake. I remember her telling me that she felt relief when the truth came out; I see now that her feelings for the king’s best friend were her burden. 

‘I’m glad Liam is still my friend,’ she says, keeping her voice steady. ‘I got to say, it would never have worked between us.’ She laughs now and the matter is shut down. 

I shift the conversation back to the restraining order. Unless you have been living under a rock for the past ten years, Camille had been stalked by paparazzi practically everyday. Pictures had been taken of her in her car; going for a run in the park; kissing her husband; picking up her daughter from ballet class. Everything she has ever done has been photographed and shared among the media. What was the worst experience that happened to her?

‘I guess it was when I was pregnant with Lily,’ she says after thinking for a long moment. ‘It was terrifying. I would be walking to my car and the photographers would surround me, pushing and shoving. I was scared they would end up pushing me and I’d fall, hurting my baby.. But again, I didn’t complain because I assumed it was part of the royal circus that surrounds the nobility. This shit is what you sign up for, right?’

She fixes me with a steady stare. ‘But it’s not right,’ she continues. ‘It’s disgusting. It is not right for a pregnant woman -or anyone, in fact- to be photographed every single day. I became a commodity. But I was too scared to pipe up and say exactly what I thought; I wasn’t brave. Drake had to do it all for me, he was the one who hired a full security team that would never leave my side. For so long, I thought I could just walk around and be normal. I didn’t realise..’

She breaks off. I hold my breath, waiting for her to speak again. Finally, she does. ‘I didn’t realise I wasn’t normal.’ 

In a way, she isn’t. Her story is not normal. A former waitress from New York who flies to a European country to take part in a competition to win the hand of a future king. The same waitress who defies expectations, wins his heart, but rejects his proposal in favour of someone else. The rejected king gifts her a duchy and a title instead of sending her home packing. She is now a Duchess who is curtseyed to and called ‘Your Grace.’ Her story is not typical of the average American woman. Her story is the stuff of fairytales. 

But what a fairytale. 

To round off our interview, I decide to ask her some lighthearted questions. What is the one thing - not a person- that she can’t live without?

Camille giggles. ‘Ooh hard one,’ she says. ‘But I guess I have to say my Canon camera? Drake bought me it as a present for my 30th birthday because I love taking pictures. I don’t use Facebook, you see, so I don’t have online albums. I use Instagram but it’s not exactly the same, so I like to take actual photos and put them in actual albums. I hate this digital age, I miss the innocent, simpler times of just taking photos and sticking them in a book.’

I ask what she takes photos of. ‘My family,’ she tells me with a smile. ‘I’m always taking pictures of Drake and our girls; Drake hates getting his picture taken usually but when he’s posing with Lily and Luna, they make him laugh and put him at ease just by being their adorable selves.’

What are her hobbies? I imagine she is too tired to even think about hobbies what with her job and all the plates she is spinning, but she shakes her head. ‘I love yoga,’ she answers. ‘Every morning, I practice. Sometimes, Lily will join in with me which is quite sweet.’ 

She likes to read too. ‘I love vintage books. I love an evening by the fire with a glass of wine and a good book. Simple.’

The moments in between?

‘Exactly,’ she says, giving me a nod. 

Does she still find time to visit New York, her hometown? Does she miss it?

‘We go once a year,’ she tells me. ‘Whenever we’re in the states to see Drake’s mom, we will go to New York and just be a normal family. What do I miss? Oh man, I miss the accents, the angry cab drivers, the cronut bakery that was next to my old apartment.. I do love New York.’

One final question. How does it feel looking back on everything and seeing where she is now?

She considers this.

‘This feels like a different life,’ she says softly. ‘I’ve changed; grown up. Back in New York, I was stationary, working as a waitress, trying to get all the tips so I could keep a roof over my head. I wasn’t making a difference, I wasn’t really living..’ She bites her lip. ‘Now, I’m living. I’m feeling braver than I ever have and I think that’s all down to my family.’

Is she happy?

‘I am,’ she tells me, her face breaking into a smile. ‘I’m more confident, I feel more belief in myself, I feel like I’m making a difference. I have two amazing daughters and an incredible husband.’

She nods to herself, her cheeks turning pink as she thinks of Drake. ‘Yeah,’ she whispers. ‘I have it good.’ 

[curious-minx]

An Overview of Fox’s Animation Domination Block

Burger of the Day: A purple font on top of a purple font

Seriously? Is that all it takes to be a graphic designer is deciding to change yellow to purple?

Since one of the leading pop culture websites on the web, the DMV Club, has stopped paying attention to Fox’s Sunday night animation block I figured I’d swoop in and check in on the largely shrugged off Animation Damnation Sunday night programming. This article will function as a State of the Animated American Nation, which continues to frustrate and underperform when it could be booming with a couple of tweaks.

For someone who grew up on ungodly amounts of screen time and pop culture consumption the Sunday night block has a chunk of my adult animation loving heart. Which is why i should just shut just bless my heart already and enjoy this mostly lost opportunity. So much endless potential offered by the animation medium and yet Fox execs bankrolled projects like Napoleon Dynamite, Cleveland Show, Sit Down Shut Up, and Allen Gregory. And what have these shows to offer outside of ironic Werner Herzog and David Lynch cameos in Cleveland and Hollywood Handbook heads can giggle at the Allen Gregory connection.

In order for an animated sitcom to succeed you need to have both a strong auteur-like vision seeing over the project from inception like your Mike Judge or Dan Harmon or more preferably a less obnoxious white guy. Remember when Donald Glover and brother Stephen Glover were tapped for the animated Deadpool show? Tyler, The Creator has been trying to get a decent animated vehicle going for awhile and Boondocks’ Aaron Mcgrudger has another reboot in the wings, but despite these efforts the animated sitcom remains a largely white male focused medium and that’s probably its biggest hurdle.

The second element an animated sitcom needs besides an overarching artistic voice(s) is voice talent. King of the Hill out of any of Fox’s animated sitcom probably has the most stacked and varied cast of any show on the line-up and a distinct animation style that still shows how hard cartoon realism is to pull off. Yes, King of the Hill commits the cardinal sin of having a white man voice a Laotian character. The only meager defense I can provide is that Kahn Souphanousinphone is at least a high status character and the rest of the family is actually voiced by Asian actors. King of the Hill also offered substantive roles for its female cast:Pamela Adlon, Kathy Najimy, Brittany Murphy, Ashley Gardner, and Lauren Tom. All of these women characters (and one boy) were more complicated and well defined than most live action roles for women in sitcoms throughout the 00s. The fact that King of the Hill was canceled as a means to make room for the Cleveland show is all you need to know about Fox’s mishandling of what could be a potent block of programming.

The 2010s have not been a kind decade to Fox which for a Murdoch owned company is probably for the best. The decade found the Simpsons and Family Guy continuing to exist out of spite, but Bob’s Burgers and to a lesser extent American Dad offer glimmers of what quality adult animated sitcoms can look like. The one main botched experiment the lineup took was the Animation Domination High-Def otherwise known as the groan inducing ADHD acronym to emphasis the short 15 minute or less format. Despite aging horribly Axe Cop and the other web series import Golan the Insatiable are mostly fine, but I don’t know what happened with Dino Stamatopoulos’ High School USA, which felt like one big troll move. Maybe Stamatopoulos hate created this completely brain dead and ugly “bad Archie” series as payback for the mishandling of his claymation projects (the brilliant Moral Orel and less brilliant but visually stunning Frankenhole).

All three of the current Fox mainstays are entering ripe double digit seasons but there still has yet to be another hit the size of Bob’s Burgers. A series that was supposed to be debuting a movie this year but be saved the Simpsons movie curse and continue working at its own pace.

Netflix feels like they were the closest alternative to recouping the failed promise of Fox’s Sunday night, but then they completely mishandled Bojack and Tuca Bertie and seem settled on betting the South Korean animation farm on Big Mouth and sub Big Mouth Hoops instead of creative storytelling. Hulu has a Rick and Morty’s Justin Roiland passion project which feels like a weaker spin off than American Dad, but not as worthless as Cleveland Show. And of course there’s the CBS animated Star Trek and Apple TV’s Central Park, which are probably only being viewed and talked about by people paid to write and talk about tv.

////////////

I will continue to check in with Bob’s Burgers and the Simpsons because they are old friends that are circling down the drains at different rates. At least the animation on both shows have a distinctive personality and don’t look like rejected small town grocery chain and real estate advertising. The animation quality of current Simpsons is probably the only reason to watch ever since Meghan Amram tweeted that one shitty joke it’s hard to drum up much more enthusiasm for the series. Bob’s Burgers enters its 11th season with a literally sleepy but charming season premier featuring well financed animation sequences and a fever dream of a B-plot involving handclap dancing. My theory for the B plot is the show attempting to assuage audience and critics fears that the show would somehow feel fundamentally different without having the voice talent recording in the room together. The episode also gives a chance for Bob to be alone with Bob, which is a fun ironical situation for such a family and ensemble focused show.

The second episode of Bob’s Burgers is going to be its Pandemic episode that the series creator and showrunner Loren Bouchard swears was written well before Covid (https://deadline.com/2020/07/bobs-burgers-creatives-season-11-pandemic-episode-comic-conhome-1202994341/). The Simpsons and Family Guy’s main returning gimmicks is that they are attempting to recast the people of color characters (a tactic Big Mouth is also using to drum up enthusiasm for another season) and while I won’t be watching a single second of Family Guy I will add a brief Simpsons review to my upcoming coverage of Bob’s Burgers 11th Season.

More to come.

[unpack-my-heart]

Above, Beneath, Betwixt, Between

@violetreddie @constantreaderfool @tinyarmedtrex @xandertheundead @mrs-vh @eds-trashmouth @annoyingtozier @burymestanding

Read on AO3 HERE

To: stanelyuris@outlook.com

From: trashmouthtozier@gmail.com

Dear Stan The Reanimating Man,

Howzzit. My name is Richard Wentworth Tozier The First, and I’m being haunted.

Well, haunted is a strong word. There’s a guy that lives in (deads in?) my house who insists he died in the 1940s. I can’t touch him, and he walks through my walls when I’m in the shower and last night he burnt all my food when he floated through the table. Burnt broccoli is no laughing matter, Stanley. So I’m inclined to believe him.

Now, your website has confused me somewhat. Are you a wizard? Do you use a wand? Or are you some sort of reverse exorcist? It says that you’re a ‘corporeal reanimator’ but that just makes me think of Victor Frankenstein and we all know how that went down. I’m getting distracted.

I need your help.

Can you come and visit me and Eds? Eds is the ghost, the dead dude, the broccoli burner etc etc. I’ll tell him about you. I’ll pay for your transport, of course.

I’ve attached my contact details, so please do ring me or reply to this email ASA fuckin’ P.

Anxiously awaiting your response,

Richie

Stan sat back in his comfy office chair and sighed.

A wizard.

Stanley Uris was many things, but a wizard he was not. He was perfectly clear on the website, and had provided a lengthy FAQ that went to great lengths to explain what corporeal reanimation was, and why it should not be confused with magic, witchcraft or necromancy. He was not a necromancer. He was a scientist. A man of rationality, of logic and mathematical precision, and he just so happened to be able to reanimate the dead.

He tapped out a short reply, and hit send, and before opening google to check flight times to Scotland.

To: trashmouthtozier@gmail.com

From: stanelyuris@outlook.com

Dear Richard Tozier,

I’m not a wizard. Please click here to re-read my FAQs. I am a corporeal reanimator. I can manipulate energy, I don’t have a wand, and I don’t know any spells.

I have booked a flight to Scotland that lands next Wednesday at 21:00 (9pm). You can pick me up from Edinburgh International Airport. I’ll be staying with you. I am a vegetarian.

Dr. Stan Uris.

– X –

When Richie had shown Eddie the reply from Stan Uris, he’d expected Eddie to be elated. He hadn’t expected Eddie to immediately disappear through the floorboards.

“Eds! You know I hate it when you do that,” Richie yelled, charging down the stairs into the kitchen where Eddie was pacing back and forth, hands clasped behind his back.

“We don’t know anything about this man, Richie. We don’t know who he is or what his motivations are or what he might …”

“What he might what?”

“What he might do to me,” Eddie finished in a whisper, staring at Richie with eyes as wide as dinner plates.

Richie opened and closed his mouth, failing to find the right words, the words that would reassure Eddie that he wouldn’t let anything happen to him, that he wouldn’t let a wizard zap him into the great beyond without their consent, that he’d fight tooth and nail to keep Eddie right there, with him, in their little house on the moors.

Because that’s what it was, really. Their house. The walking through the walls, the singing jaunty songs at three in the morning when he was trying to sleep, ad the way the ceiling lights would flicker violently when Eddie descended through the floorboards, maybe Richie had grown used to it. Maybe he’d laugh until his stomach hurt when Eddie pretended to get stuck half way through a wall, waving his limbs pitifully. Maybe his heart would beat erratically when he’d slip the oven mitts onto Eddie’s hands and make a show of pulling him out of the wall, and maybe his breath would catch in his throat when Eddie faux-swooned, batting his eyelashes and simpering, “my hero, Rich,” before laughing, high and bright and infectious. Maybe, in the dead of night,  Richie would watch Eddie from his bedroom window as he walked around the moors, as he shone in the dark like a star. A mass of burning rock that Richie had grown … used to. Maybe.

He’d never say as much, though.

“Rich?”

Richie blinked.

Eddie was still waiting for a response.

“I won’t let him hurt you,” Richie said, “I won’t. I won’t let him take you away”

“Do you promise?” Eddie replied, mousey-small and honeyvoiced.

“I promise, Eds. So long as there’s breath in my lungs and blood in my veins I won’t let him take you away from me”

– X –

Stan’s plane was late. Richie had been waiting in the arrivals lounge of Edinburgh International Airport for over an hour now. Mike was waiting in his truck, Mr. Chips curled up on the passenger seat, BBC Radio 4 filtering out of the speaker, a picture of perfect calm. Richie was not calm, having convinced himself thirty minutes ago that sending a stranger several hundreds of pounds over PayPal under the guise of transporting them over an ocean to help him with his ghost problem was reckless at best and downright idiotic as worst.

Fifteen more minutes pass, and Richie was seconds away from turning around and giving up when a man with a mass of curly hair and large, thin rimmed glasses appeared in front of him.

“Richard?”

“Holy shit you came”

The man smiled, a sly quirk of the lips.

“I did. Are you ready to go?”

Richie grinned, “Fuck yeah, now, lemme tell you about my Eds --”

– X –

The drive from Edinburgh to Skye was long, over five hours, but Richie found himself silent for most of it. Banished to the back seat of Mike’s truck at the first rest-stop after Stan complained of feeling car sick, his many attempts to join in the animated conversation between Stan and Mike had failed miserably.

“Yoo’v got a PhD? Are ye a medical doctor or…?”

“My PhD was in plasma physics, so I’d be useless in any emergency that didn’t involve electromagnets”

“So yer a smart one, then?”

“I suppose so”

Mike and Stan continue to chatter, the conversation ebbing and flowing effortlessly. A torturous four hours later and they’d arrived back at Richie’s little house. Richie hopped out of the truck, knees buckling immediately under the weight of his leaden bones. The lights in the house were on, and Richie could see a lacquered shadow pacing back and forth in the kitchen window.

“He’s in,” Richie muttered, gesturing towards the window.

Stan and Mike glanced towards the kitchen, but predictably, Eddie had disappeared. Richie suppressed a groan.

“Have you met him?” Stan asked Mike as he walked back to the truck, swinging the back door open and hauling his duffle bag towards him.

“Nae, I haven’t. I have – I’ve met other ghosts though, other … people”

“Oh?”

“My parents died in a house fire years ago. Ah still see my maw walkin’ around sometimes”

Richie, growing increasingly impatient, cut Stan off before he could reply.

“Maybe we could discuss Mike’s tragic history later? Do you want me to go into the house and see if I can get Eddie to agree to show himself?”

Stan was silent for several moments, pulling various small electronic devices out of his bag.

“No, I’ll go. I want to ask him something,” Stan said, tucking a small black box into the back pocket of his jeans. He held his hand out to Richie, gesturing at the house keys clutched in his hands.

“Are you sure? He’s quite flighty. I really think I should –”

“Richie. It’s fine, I’m not going to hurt him, I just want to talk,” Stan reassured, voice soft but eyes firm, confident.

Richie hesitated, but gave Stan the keys nevertheless.

“If I hear him yelling, I’m gonna come runnin’, though, just a warning”

Stan said nothing, just walked purposefully to the door of the house, opened it, and shut it behind him.

– X –

When Stan had first walked through the door into the house, he’d been prepared to have to stomp right back out again. Most of the people who called him out were frauds, or had particularly noisy water pipes. He’d give them the number of a particularly good plumber, and bill them for wasting his time.

The house was still. Too still.

“Edward?”

Silence.

“Edward, my name is Stan. I’m here to help you. Your friend Richie called me, can you come out?”

Still nothing.

“Okay, Edward. I’m going to turn off all the lights now, is that okay?”

Silence, but then a click, and the lights in the house all flicked off at once. Stan shut the fuse cupboard, and stepped into the centre of the room. The small black box in his back pocket started vibrating violently, letting off a high-pitched hum.

“You can call me Eddie, if you want”

Stan span on his heels, and there he was, as if he’d always been there. A man, around Stan’s height, maybe smaller, dressed in a khaki uniform.

“Eddie?”

“Richie said you wouldn’t hurt me but I don’t think I trust you”

“I know. You don’t have to trust me yet, but I need to ask you a favour. Can you hold this?”

Stan plucked the black box from his pocket and held it out to Eddie, who stared at it.

“What is it?”

“It’s an energy converter. I want to see what type of energy you are, it’ll help me better understand how to help you”

“What type of … energy? What does that mean?” Eddie asked, taking several cautious steps towards Stan.

“Have you ever heard the theory that energy cannot be created or destroyed?”

Eddie shook his head.

“Basically, all living things are infused with energy,” Stan continued, still holding out the black box, “and when living things die, the energy doesn’t just disappear. Sometimes it seeps into the ground and helps trees and plants to grow, sometimes it evaporates into the sky and causes electrical storms and sometimes it gets stuck”

“Is that me? Am I stuck?”

Stan nodded his head.

“You’re stuck, or, your energy is stuck, and the longer you’ve been stuck, the stronger your electrical current has become. What you are now is basically just a big ball of pure energy, and this energy can represent itself in reality as various different types depending on the context”

As he was talking, Stan felt Eddie take the black box out of his hands.

“Good, so in a few moments we should –“

– X –

A few seconds after Stan disappeared into the house, all of the lights in the house turned off at once.

“Are you soft on him?” Mike asked, breaking the silence.

“Soft on Stan? Naw,” Richie replied, knowing that that wasn’t what Mike was asking, but choosing to avoid the question nevertheless.

“Not him. Eddie. Are you soft on him?”

“He’s a ghost”

“That’s not what I asked”

“He’s dead”

“That’s not what I asked”

Richie slumped against Mike’s truck, leaning his head back on the passenger side window.

“I guess I might be just a little soft on him”

“Stan might be able to help ye. He’s smart, he’ll figure it out”

A ball of pure white light shot out of the open living room window, careening into the sky before bursting into a shock of blue flame, disappearing as quickly as it had appeared. Richie screamed, slamming a hand over his mouth.

“Eddie!”

Richie and Mike ran towards the house, and started pounding on the locked door with clenched fists.

“EDDIE!” Richie roared again, debating throwing a rock through the kitchen window and throwing himself through it, broken glass be damned. As soon as he’d found a reasonable sized rock, however, the door swung open.

Stan was standing on the other side of the door, a wry smile on his face, and behind him, wringing his hands, stood Eddie.

Mike, unfazed, stuck out his hand, “nice ta’ finally meet ye, Eddie”

Richie slapped at his arm, “he can’t touch you, dumbass”

“I was jist tryin’ tae be polite, he looks like he might boak”

Stan waved his hand, as if to catch their bickering in his hands. Mike and Richie fell silent, expectant.

“I know how to help you”

– X –

It takes Stan five attempts to explain to Richie what he’d already explained to Eddie.

“So he’s just … energy?”

“Yes, Richie”

“So … he could like, power my TV?”

“No… it’s not that kind of energy,” Stan said, exasperated, before picking Richie’s phone up off the table.

“Look, if I pan the camera over you and Mike, you both look entirely normal, yes?”

Mike waved at the camera, and Richie pouted.

“You look lovely,” Stan deadpanned, before panning the camera over to where Eddie was hovering in the corner of the room, “and when I pan it over to him,”

The phone screeched, a shimmery metallic sound, and the same pure white light that had erupted out of the living room window filled the screen.

“In some ways, Eddie is light energy. Here, his energy is made up of photons. He is pure light energy, but if you touch him,” Stan stood up, and walked purposefully through Eddie’s body. Eddie shrieked, and disappeared through the wall.

Stan held up his arm, and motioned to Richie, “touch my arm.”

Richie did.

“Jesus fuck that’s hot”

“Yup. That’s thermal energy. When you touch Eddie, or when he touches you, it burns because his energy vibrates your living particles much more than they normally vibrate, so it generates heat”

“I wish I’d paid attention in physics at school,” Richie muttered, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically, “well, what’s your big grand plan to bring Eddie back to the world of the flesh?”

“I’m going to turn Eddie’s energy back into matter. Have you heard of the equation E equals MC squared?”

“Uh … was that that dude with the moustache?”

“Yes, it was the dude with the moustache. Well, I’ll be using that equation and putting Eddie’s energy through a process that is sort of like the reverse of a nuclear bomb. In his current state, he’s like an exploding nuclear bomb in stasis, so I need to reverse that process.”

At that, a very panicked looking Eddie flies through the wall.

“I’m … I’m a bomb? Could I hurt someone?”

“No, no you’re quite stable, I just need to –” Stan tries, holding his hands up as if to calm Eddie, but it doesn’t work.

Eddie starts pacing around the room, muttering to himself, and it’s then that Richie remembers when Eddie died.

“Eddie, can I talk to you in the kitchen?” Richie asks, not waiting for a response, already half way to the kitchen. Eddie follows wordlessly.

Richie shuts the door behind him, and Eddie floats through the wall.

“Richie, Rich, I don’t want to hurt you, maybe I should leave, maybe I should go out onto the moors, away from everything, away from you, I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want –”

“Eddie!” Richie cut him off, and thrust the oven mitts at a very forlorn looking Eddie.

“You’re not going to hurt me, you could never hurt me. You could never,” Richie said, sincerity dripping from his words like honey. He grabbed at Eddie’s oven-mitted hands, clasping them between his own, and wished for the thousandth time that there was nothing separating them.

Eddie blinked, eyes dry, face perfect, hair perfect.

“Please let us help you,” Richie pleased, “please let me help you”

“Okay,” Eddie whispered, and together, still joined at the hands, they walked back into the living room.

[dailyaudiobible]

01/04/2020 DAB Transcript

Genesis 8:1-10:32, Matthew 4:12-25, Psalms 4:1-8, Proverbs 1:20-23

Today is the 4th day of January welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it is great to be here with you as we are round…round the corner and move through the first weekend in this new year and decade. So, it’s good to be here with you as we continue moving into our new year. And, so we’ll take the next step forward and continue…continue…well…explaining things and moving into our new year. But let's get into the Scriptures. We’ve been reading from the New Living Translation this week. As we go back into the book of Genesis for today, we will recall a great flood upon the earth that we read about yesterday. And today we will read Genesis chapters 8 through 10.

Introduction to the book of Proverbs:

Okay. So, we…this is our fourth day of the year, so we’re moving into the year and on day one we talked about the book of Genesis that we were beginning then on day two we talked about the first gospel, the Gospel of Matthew that we were getting into, then yesterday we talked about the Psalms. And, so, today we will complete the four books that we are involved with right now, the book of Proverbs. And ironically, I think Proverbs is, in today's reading going, to do a far, far better job than anything I could say. I mean I can say the book of Proverbs has traditionally been attributed to King Solomon as the notorious wisest person to ever live. It's likely that he collected these proverbs and sayings and wisdom from…from all over the known world of his time. He was a king with…with perhaps more influence than anyone else at his time. And, so, these sayings are indeed really profoundly helpful, practical advice, but there is a distinction that we need to make and the Proverbs will make that distinction and that distinction will become more apparent as we move through the year and that is this, the advice, the words that we will find in Proverbs those are not wisdom. Those are sayings and advice that come as a result of wisdom's presence. The distinction will become important in a myriad of ways as we move through the Bible, but practically where we sit right now is that we can certainly immerse ourselves in the sayings of wisdom and even obey the sayings of wisdom, like take the good, practical advice and implement it into our lives so we would be heading the voice of wisdom, but we can also live in wisdom, understanding that there is a wisdom that is beyond any human wisdom, that there is the wisdom of God flowing through all of creation and that we can learn to walk in wisdom, as opposed to just looking for wisdom's advice. So, I’ll just kind of leave it at that and just move into today's reading understanding that we are beginning today and we will continue forward into the next several days, but we are hearing today a voice that is claiming to be the voice of wisdom speaking to us. And, so, today we read Proverbs chapter 1 verse 20 through 23.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for bringing us in the first weekend of this new year and decade, and we thank You that as we conclude this week we are introduced to this voice calling out of the pages of Proverbs, the voice of wisdom, the voice that’s telling us that she is…that she is a she and that she is shouting everywhere for anyone who will listen to her, that she is available and that she is present to us and that she's asking how long we’re gonna stay asleep, how long we’re going to be simpleminded, how long we’re going to stay stuck. And we hear her saying, “come and listen to my counsel. I'll share my heart with You and make You wise.” And, so, we become aware of Your presence in our lives and we will continue to do this each and every day. We will invite You to lead us into all truth, and we invite You Holy Spirit to help us to begin to tune the years of our hearts and listen for the voice of wisdom. And may we recognize as we begin to even kind of put…make this a category as something that we should pay attention to, may we recognize our Savior Jesus as He begins His ministry in and may we look for the times that He says things like, “if You have eyes to see or ears to hear”, that may we understand that this is how wisdom works. Come Holy Spirit w pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website and it its home base and it's always where you can find out what’s going on around here. And these first couple weeks of…of the year we’re just talking about different aspects and little things that are good to know for the journey along the way.

And, so, one of those things we’ve kind of talked about, we talked about the fact that we are a community of prayer and that we shoulder one another's burdens together, and pray for one another, and love one another. And we’ve moved through several days. So, you know, we’ve heard the voices of our brothers and sisters as they come…come in on the end…at the end. Ands, so, there’s always way more calls than we can ever get to during the week. And, so we, for several years have had a weekend prayer and encouragement program, which is just all of those voices that came in during the week. And, so it makes this really, really wonderful time together just hearing voice after voice after voice and just kinda bopping all over the world as we’re doing it. And that happens every weekend, every Saturday evening, which will be this evening. So, watch for that. When you wake up tomorrow, you'll see a program that’s called Community Prayer along with the next day's program. So, just watch for that, be aware of that, engage with that. It is…it’s really interesting because a lot of times the journey begins with Daily…Daily Audio Bible. Just looking for the Bible. “Just…read me the Bible. That’s all I want, that’s all I need.” And, so, that's what happens and that's 100% and then maybe…just…it…it lingers on, keeps playing and so you begin to see there’s more things going on, there’s a community aspect and then you hear the prayer requests and realize, “wow, there’s like…I'm not alone…I'm not alone. I can do this as alone as I want, but I don't have to be alone. This is the Bible in community.” So, just watch for that later…later tonight

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. There’s a link on the homepage. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment you can dial 877-942-4253 or you can just press the Hotline button, it’s at the top in the app. Can’t miss it, little red button up at the top. Just push that and off you go.

And that is it for today and that is it for our…well…we haven't really had a first full week yet, but this is the end of our first week of this new year and decade. And, so, that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

This is Valery calling from South McDonagh. I am currently three hours into a 5-hour drive to go see my brother who is in Sacred Heart trauma unit with a severe brain injury. He is an alcoholic and a drug user and has become increasingly abusive to our mother. Today there was an altercation and when my mother was trying to get away from him, he fell off the top of her car and landed in the middle-of-the-road and now has a severe brain injury. It’s very hard for me to feel sympathy and compassion for my brother but my heart is breaking for my mom. As you can imagine, she is full of guilt and devastated and feels like she killed her son. So, I’m asking the family to please keep my mom Shirley in your prayers. Help me to minister to her. Help me to find the words to say that can somehow bring her comfort even though I know that nothing I say will bring comfort. Help me to feel love and a compassion toward my brother. Help the doctors to be able to figure out what they can do to help him recover from this injury. At this point we don’t even know if he’s going to survive and then if he does what type of life…quality of life you will have. My time is running out, but I do ask for prayers again for Shirley and Anthony. Thank you.

Hi Anonymous my name is Cricket from Colorado and my heart broke when I heard your prayer request today. I will be praying for you until I hear you call back and update us on your situation. First of all, God loves you and He knit you together in your mother’s womb. Yes, it is true that apart from God, listen to that, apart from God, there is nothing good in us. All that is in us, good is from God because He dwells in us. But let that not bring you fear, let it bring you joy and hope because God also says He promises to finish this good work in you and that His children cannot be snatched from His hand. So, you are His and will walk in heaven with Him someday. But for now, the purpose of your walk here on earth is to love others as He loves you and to help them find Him so that none will be lost. Anonymous, there is nothing good in me except for Him. Daily, I fail horribly, and I am encouraged when he reminds me that He is there, and He picks me up again. I see Him in the good things that He prompts me to do. So, focus on the good, not the bad. You are His precious child and He loves you. Strive every second to become His best friend. Seek Him in all that you do, and He will change you and you will start to see the right choices and the good that comes from Him in you. He loves you. We love you and I will be praying for you for a very long time. Please let us know how you’re doing. Goodbye.

I am praying for the young woman, the anonymous young woman that called in about her desperation. I just would like you to know that when I heard your call for help, I broke down in tears and in fact I am still shaking because I’ve been there just very recently. And I want you to know, I mean I was looking at that semi-truck and I was looking at bridge abutments and I was dark, I was at the end of my rope and it seemed there was no way out. It’s so dark down there, but I want you to know that things turned around for me and they will turn around for you as well. Just very recently a huge change came in my life, one that I’ve been longing for for years and years. And I’m new to audio Bible. When I heard this message this morning, I felt right reaching out to you and am praying for you praying for you. Do not give up. Trust God. I know that’s hard…very hard for you right now but just trust Him. I love you.

Hi, I’m a new listener and I’ve enjoyed this so much, so I want to say thank you and how grateful I am that this type of app exists. I also would like to send a prayer for my friend Sabrina whose brother passed away unexpectedly. He was only about 30 years old and it…it shouldn’t have happened. So, I want to pray for her and her family they find peace. Thank you. Have a blessed day.

Good morning DAB family this is Lady of victory from Chicago. Today is Friday, December 27th hope everyone is having a great day. As I was listening today, I listened to Anonymous who said as if she drives into a truck nobody would miss her. Jeanette who has a sick mom and who is also dealing with some ills…ills with neuropathy. I know my daughter has that as well and it’s very painful…I mean difficult to maneuver life. And then Daniel who was praying for commuters and/or drivers. My husband drives for a living and so I do understand what all of that means. So, I wanted to send up a quick prayer. Anonymous, I am a trained mental health counselor and please realize that you do not have to go through this alone. Seek help. Do not separate yourself or distance yourself from loved ones. You will be missed if something…if you’re not here. So, please seek out help. Colossians 1:16 says that you are made with a purpose and for purpose. Everything that God made He does it on purpose. And, so, your purpose in the world would be missed if you’re not here. So, please seek out help. Jeanette we are praying for you. Realize that your anchor is in the Lord and everything else is sinking sand. So, seek out God as you go to be with your mom. I lost my mom April 13th of this year. So, I know the pain of going through the holidays alone for the first time, but God has been my anchor as He will be yours. So, seek the face of God. We all have a lot of things for 2020, a lot of different words. Ours is…for our family is to endure 2020 but I’d don’t just say endure…

This is Joanne from Happy Valley it is December 27th. I just heard anonymous. And honey, please, don’t drive in front of a truck. For one thing, you’ll impact another life forever. But the main thing is, we know God is good and we know that we are all bad. But His love for us is so strong that He took on human flesh with all its frailties, suffered beatings and a horrible death on the cross to pay for our sins and all the bad that is in us. When I look back over my life, I saw that even though I never acknowledged Him He was watching over me all the time and loving me and keeping me from getting into danger because of my sinning. And in spite of all the bad I did He still loved me more than I can imagine. And that is how He feels about you. Anonymous, he adores you. I can’t talk to my family about the things I’ve done. Church is full of sinners just like me and they’re trying to pretend they’re not. So, can’t talk to them. But He loves you no matter what. Please know that. And if you need to…to dump on somebody, my email address is jomiller3380@gmail.com. There’s nothing that would cause me to not love you. You’re safe with me. Please, reach out and I’ll share God’s love with you. God bless you.

[michael-radi-the-glamorous-life]

The Rumor, The Legend, The Mystery

Most people - and writers in particular - are drawn to stories about larger-than-life people, figures, and times. Moments and personalities that disrupted the status quo and changed the course of history. The extraordinary.

These are the stories that live on, passed down through facts and records (contemporary and non), as well as rumor, gossip, and anecdotes that may or may not include a kernel of truth.

The people at the center of these stories are some of the most compelling, and they have attracted the attention of people throughout generations.

And writers love them.

Historians and creative writers alike love to tackle these gigantic stories filled with change and drama, as well as mystery and intrigue, and put their own spins on them. But what they never tell you is just how difficult these people and stories are to write.

I too have fallen victim to this type of alluring narrative and - despite this post’s title - I am not speaking about the great historical mystery of Anastasia as adapted by Lynn Ahrens and Stephen Flaherty.

I’m talking about one of Western history’s most debated women from one of English history’s most infamous time periods:

Anne Boleyn.

483 Years and Still Going Strong

This Sunday, May 19th, will be the 483rd anniversary of Anne Boleyn’s beheading.

And 483 years after this woman’s death, she is perhaps more popular, talked about, portrayed, and debated than ever. That’s insane!

I think most people would be happy if they were talked about for a full generation or two following their deaths.

But 483 years? Why? What is so compelling about this woman and her story?

…lol. Yeah. I deeeeefinitely don’t have enough time to spell that out in a singular blog post, but there are now tons of brilliant, wonderful, and well-researched books, websites, and podcasts on the topic!

But if I were to give a (sinfully) short list of her notable accomplishments alone, they would be:

Acquired information and skills from multiple continental European courts as a young woman.

Finagled a betrothal to a high English noble.

Captured King Henry VIII’s attention - and then kept it for ~7 years.

Served as a catalyst for English Church reform - including the break with Rome.

Successfully helped Henry acquire a divorce - unprecedented in how it was accomplished.

Married the King of England.

Gave birth to the future Queen Elizabeth I.

Was the first English Queen ever to be put to death…not so much an accomplishment, but certainly an important and notable historical point.

And these are just bullet point specifics. It’s clear from this list of actions that Anne had a large role in altering the course of early Renaissance English history, but this list also tells us very little about who she actually was as a person…

…Which leads to the next question. Who was Anne Boleyn?

This is something that historians, writers, and intrigued lovers of history have been obsessed with trying to figure out throughout the past almost 5 centuries. It’s a complicated question to answer due to the lack of surviving materials from Anne herself, as well as the heavily biased nature of the contemporary sources.

There just isn’t as much information as we want.

“So, how the heck do you wade through this mire of complexity to write an entire musical centered around such a well-known yet mysterious figure?”

I’m glad you asked!

Mistress Anne

The first large complication for me was that Anne Boleyn tends to be seen one of two ways. Either:

The helpless pawn of her father, uncle, brother, and Henry. (‘cause, ya know, men)

The ambitious, cunning, manipulative, power-hungry seductress. (‘cause, ya know, MEN)

Thanks to the delightful-and-not-at-all-destructive patriarchy, basically every piece of information about - and opinion on - Anne that we have was written by men entrenched in the patriarchal ideas. And of course these ideas include the classic Virgin/Whore dichotomy.

***For those of you unfamiliar, it basically says that all women are either hapless virgins or seductive whores and that, no matter which the case may be, everything bad that has ever happened is a woman’s fault.

So - besides the obvious problems with these two views - we are left with an Anne Boleyn whose actions were speculated about within these two mindsets. Therefore, rumors and unconfirmed stories began to circulate and grow into myths that have been taken and studied as facts over the years (ie, Anne’s sixth finger, Boleyn incest, witchcraft, and many more) Even to the point where the new Netflix Sabrina reboot has invoked Anne Boleyn’s name twice as a powerful witch of old.

*Insert facepalm here*

Not only are we left with these two images of Anne, but both are incredibly bland and two-dimensional. She sounds more like the heroine or villain of a melodrama than an actual human being.

And Anne Boleyn was a real, living, breathing, thinking, desiring, woman. Not a cardboard cutout painted in whatever image some person desires.

All of this combined with my research provided me with my marching orders for her creation as the main character for my musical: Make her a person.

My Own Tomorrow

Folks, this was the hardest part of all.

Why?

People are complex. People are both good and bad. People do both good and bad things.

Likable humans can make gigantic mistakes and commit terrible atrocities. Despicable humans can create long-lasting charities and perform incredible acts of kindness.

Everyone is both good and bad and, normally in character creation, this isn’t an issue - it’s exciting! But where Anne Boleyn is concerned, her male-written legacy means that most people already have a strong opinion about her - positive or negative - and whether or not they even know they do.

For instance, whenever I ask most people what they know about Anne Boleyn, they can tell me that she was Henry VIII’s second wife and was beheaded. Well, we as a society have created general opinions about both second wives and people who are put to death, so even that bare bones information colors how we see this woman, even before the curtain rises.

So what to do?

The question I kept asking myself was: Why do we want to care?

There is an odd intersection between the aforementioned two versions of Anne that really isn’t all that strange if you think about it:

In one version Anne has no control.

In the other version Anne has all of the control.

So it made sense to me that the truth was somewhere between, which sounded a lot like the constant, everyday struggle of basically every person I know: We all want the freedom to have control over our own lives and destinies, but are constantly struggling against the forces that hold us back.

There it is. Now that is something we can all connect to.

All Anne Boleyn wanted was to be able to control her own destiny, whatever that would end up being and whatever the consequences of the actions she took to get there.

She wanted her own tomorrow.

A Tudor Rose

From there it was suddenly much easier to write Anne as a character.

She is an ambitious person who is highly educated, strong-willed, cunning, and witty, and she wants all of the freedoms that her current situations will not provide her. How would this person act and react?

We can identify with this person, which immediately makes her likable. Always a good thing.

Then again, we may find her extremely abrasive at times. Which only makes us want to like her more.

Occasionally she does terrible things. So we anguish as we wish she made a better choice.

Sometimes she makes the perfect choice. And we relish in her triumphs.

She struggles. We root for her.

She fails. We hurt for her.

She succeeds. We cheer for her.

One of the best things I have learned in the process of writing Anne Boleyn is that we love stories that remind us of our own humanity. The good/bad dichotomy is not the way of the world and it’s therefore far less interesting. We are all a mixture of both, and to see that reflected on the stage is extremely engaging.

At least, I hope that’s who my Anne Boleyn has become.

The other element of Anne that is rarely discussed is her motherhood. By all (lack of) accounts, Anne was not terribly involved in Elizabeth’s upbringing, but we have no information that confirms this. And Elizabeth grew up to be very much like both her mother and her father, and it’s clear from the sources that Anne had a large influence on Elizabeth.

It was incredibly important to me that we see Anne as a mother.

Every mother I’ve ever spoken with has told me about this incredible bond that one has upon giving birth. A special, indescribable bond that cannot be broken. A pure kind of love.

And we can all identify with some sort of feeling of love.

Whether or not this moment in the show endears you toward Anne, if this idea doesn’t humanize her for you, I’m not sure what will.

A Queen Of England

Alright, let’s talk about it. I knew we would have to.

Anne’s death.

The biggest argument I hear from people when discussing Anne as a positive entity, or as the neutral entity that most real human beings are, is: “But Henry beheaded her! She had to have been bad in some way!”

But is this true? Does she have to have been a bad person in some way? Meaning, more so than any of us, that is.

I don’t think this has to be true. I mean, bad things are done to good people all the time.

But beyond that, Henry wanted something and Anne was in his way. And he didn’t have a decade to waste on fighting her as he did with his first wife - he was getting on in age and still had need of acquiring a son. If Anne had said “no, never” to the idea of divorce, couldn’t this be enough?

The charges against her were clearly fabricated - history has shown that. So why was she killed?

It’s one of my favorite mysteries of all time and, I think, one of the main reasons we revisit her story over and over again.

What’s my opinion on the matter?

Ehn, that’s unimportant. I’m more interested in what my audience’s opinion will be once they’ve sat through two hours of a complex and human Anne Boleyn’s journey. When we reach that final moment, what will you think? Did she earn her death?

Conclusion

Historical people are difficult to write. Famous people are difficult to write. When it’s a combination of both, it’s even harder.

But as we move closer to the premiere production of The King’s Legacy this summer, I’m proud of the Anne Boleyn who has appeared on the pages in front of me. She’s complicated and filled with contradictions, just like all of us.

I hope you can make it to our show this summer so you can see and judge for yourself. If you do come, I cannot wait to hear what you think of Anne and I certainly hope that you will share your opinion with me!

Tickets available here: www.bvtnaples.org

See you in August!

[seventeen-teen-teen-trash]

-tw: guns, death, minimal violence-

Seungcheol doesn’t look back as he leaves the food court, the image of Jeonghan’s worried face etched into his mind. Despite the other’s tendency to cover everything up with a veil of nonchalance, Seungcheol could easily see through the cracks.

His mind is running a mile an hour, clinging to the little details like Jeonghan’s stiff shoulders and the unprecedented amount of fear in Vernon’s voice. If he were to slow down and actually process the current situation- that Mingyu is dead and Minghao has lost his mind- he’d break down, too.

You can grieve for him if you make it out alive.

Gently, he touches the bracelet around his wrist and picks up his speed as he runs toward Best Buy. He doesn’t get very far, though, before the sound of shrill screams stop him. Minghao’s voice is instantly recognizable, even from a considerable distance, and despite his most recent state, Seungcheol feels a pang in his chest at the thought of his former friend in danger. He shakes his head in exasperation as he turns back around toward the food court, despite the small voice warning him that if he doesn’t escape soon, he might not escape at all.

“Minhao, I’m coming!” he screams, fear rapidly settling in. He doesn’t think Vernon or Jeonghan would have it in them to hurt Minghao to the point where he’d make that frightened of a scream, leaving only one other option. Someone else is involved here.

He spies a broken rod lying on the floor near one of the empty shop entrances, probably from a clothes rack or something, and picks it up just in case the situation calls for defense.

Another round of screams, clearly belonging to Jeonghan and Vernon.

Seungcheol nearly drops the rod at the sound, too intense to be out of mere panic. Without hesitation, he runs toward the food court, shoving away the gnawing thoughts of guilt and anxiety about his own safety and instead focusing on the feeling of the worn tile floor beneath his feet, every step bringing him closer and closer.

“C-Cheol!” a weak voice cries out.

Immediately, he freezes and surveys the area for anyone nearby.

“Seung-” the voice erupts into a coughing fit, punctuated with sharp gasps and choking sounds. “P-please… Help me… Right-” more violent coughs, “Across from you.”

Seungcheol turns around to look in that direction and immediately sees a dark silhouette huddled in the back corner of the store across from him. He bites his lip, eyes flickering back and forth from the distant entrance to the food court to the shadowed figure across from him. “Are you okay?” he calls, subconsciously tightening his grip on the rod.

Between coughs, the person replies, “Cheol, I-I’m… I’m gonna d-die. I don’t wa… wanna. Pl-please.”

“Can you…” Seungcheol lets out a frustrated exhale, slowly stepping closer to the abandoned store, “Can you hang on a few minutes? Will you be okay?”

“Don’t l-leave me, Cheol…”

That voice… “I’m coming! Hold on,” he says, firmly deciding that Jeonghan, Vernon, and Minghao will have to be okay for a few minutes. Carefully, but quickly, he makes his way inside the store, holding out his rod in front of him. He squeezes between fallen racks and shelves until he reaches the back of the store, drawing in a gasp as he sees the body laying on the floor. It’s dark, but he can still make out that there’s blood all over Joshua’s body and clothes, and his hair is slick with something wet. His heart breaks at the sight of his friend, and suddenly he understands Minghao’s pain, anguish, and fear. Tentative fingers reach out to brush Joshua’s hair away from his face. “Who…” Seungcheol says softly as he crouches down, “Who did this to you, Joshua?”

“Oh, Seungcheol,” Joshua sighs as he sits up effortlessly, voice suddenly devoid of the terror from moments before. In an instant, he grabs something from his pocket and stands up, Seungcheol still on his knees. He laughs, sickeningly sweet, as he presses the barrel of his gun to the other’s forehead. “You did.”

Seungcheol’s throat goes dry. His pulse rattles his skull as he looks up at Joshua, catlike eyes challenging him in an indulgent grin. “W-what,” he chokes. “What’s going on? Joshua, please…”

“It’s been quite the show, this whole game,” he hums, pacing in a circle around Seungcheol, gun still trained at his head. “I must say, I didn’t envision you to be the final contestant, but I suppose it makes for a thrilling finale. You were, after all, one of the many catalysts that led me to devise this brilliant plan.” He crouches down to Seungcheol’s eye level and smiles contently. “So thank you for that.”

A furious mixture of confusion and anger courses through his blood as he stares Joshua dead in the eye. “What are you talking about?” he whispers, careful not to speak too loudly so as to set off Joshua (and his gun).

“Hm,” Joshua stands up again. “You have a very inefficient memory, then. Care for me to refresh it?”

“Yes, please,” Seungcheol grunts, trying to locate the rod as inconspicuously as he can.

But, of course, Joshua notices. He kicks the metal rod across the store to the point where it would be impossible for Seungcheol to retrieve it now. “Can’t have you getting any ideas,” he chuckles. “Now, where were we? Oh, yes. You see, our little group at Pembroke was so lovely at first. The richest boys in the school… We practically had the entire school under our feet. But among ourselves, there were definitely a few members who were consistently overlooked, forgotten, ignored.” His smug expression morphs into a bitter scowl. “Namely, myself.”

“You all gave me popularity and status above the other students at Pembroke, but I was never more than a bank account number or an empty house to host parties. Really, it was draining.” Joshua shrugs and continues his pacing. “And then came my golden opportunity, when your father lost his job, and you dropped out. When you left, I checked Wonwoo’s father’s company’s website, and when I saw your father was removed, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. I told a few students, and quickly word spread like wildfire until it reached our group. You obviously assumed it was Wonwoo, deflecting suspicion from me and hurting Wonwoo’s reputation within the group. I thought it was the perfect plan. Without their boisterous, attention-seeking leader, the group would be able to focus on its other members.” He pauses again, momentarily lowering his gun. “Unfortunately, that was not the case.”

“This,” Seungcheol breathes, tensing his shoulders in anger, “Was all because you felt left ou-”

The cold feeling of Joshua’s gun between his eyes stops him from saying anything more. “Shut up!” Joshua hisses. “You’re going to let me finish my monologue!”

Clearing his throat, Joshua resumes. “As I was saying… Even my best efforts to dismantle our group’s hierarchy failed. Me, Joshua Hong, son of the second-richest businessman in South Korea, reduced to nothing? I just couldn’t let that happen. So when Soonyoung suggested this bonding trip, I slowly developed the perfect plan. If I couldn’t rise to the top on my own, I’d make sure to knock everyone else down, peg by peg.”

“How the fuck did you… You’re psychotic, Joshua!” Seungcheol shouts, unable to bridle his fury any longer.

“No.” Joshua clicks his tongue and pets Seungcheol’s hair gently. “You’re just mean.”

“You… YOU did all of this?! You killed Mingyu? Where is everyone else, what’s going on, Joshua?!”

The younger purses his lips, edges still curled in a smirk. “I’ll admit, I couldn’t have done this without Seokmin’s help. Faithful until the end, he was,” he sighs, shaking his head ruefully. “Ah, well. I didn’t call all the shots here. You all picked who was going to die. I just carried out the deed.”

Seungcheol’s eyes widen in shock, body trembling under Joshua’s piercing gaze. “You… They’re all… T-they’re dead…?”

“Yes, Seungcheol. They’re dead.” He taps a finger to his lips in thought. “But as a prize for being the last man standing, I suppose I’ll give you a special offer. You see, I didn’t install the keypads- they were, however, a pleasant surprise- but you could have easily broken a window to escape. I’ll let you take that opportunity. You can leave this mall with all the pride and satisfaction of knowing that out of all your dead friends, you, Choi Seungcheol, survived.” Joshua leans in to whisper in Seungcheol’s ear. “What a fascinating story to tell,” he says. “Or, in the ultimate sign of solidarity, you could join your friends. No guilt, no trauma, no lasting nightmares… The choice is yours, Cheol. What will it be? All? Or alone?”

__________________

part 10 of the dead mall series

<prev | next>

poll link

(a/n) ....ok first of all this is NOT how I view Joshua (or any of the members) at all! I just needed a bad guy for this story, and I felt he would make an interesting villain. so, how did your theories stack up? ending is tomorrow at 7pm cst. see you then ;) -mimi

[somecrazylads-a-blog]

💘 + Taeter and Lotto

HEADCANONS MEME: DATING EDITION!! | @littlcstarling

—

where they first met and howI love that I have a canon answer for all of these except the next two fuckers, ahem: at the burlesque, Taemin stole Lotte’s heart in about five seconds

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involvedI have no idea whether there even was a flirting phase? At least not in the traditional way, it was more of a... ‘play date’ phase? Where they were just having fun with one another and being cute friends until Taemin was Brain Smart™ and realised his feelings and Lotte was Heart Smart™ and didn’t realise his feelings but acted on them anyway and then they just jumped right into relationship stage, listen this isn’t a traditional, textbook relationship, you guys are just mean

who fell for who first ( if applicable )Deadass have no idea, but y’know-

where their first date was and what it was likeIt pains me to say this but I have no idea because I believe all their moments were dates and always are, they’re on a permanent date, always and constantly

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? )I don’t think there was a moment like this? They just kinda slipped into the relationship stage, without proper like talking or questioning: they shared a kiss and it became a thing, and then came the ‘boyfriend’ label spontaneously during a talk, it’s how they work: they go with their own flow

who proposes firstI’m thinking Taemin because Lotte wouldn’t get there mentally, he’s unfamiliar to the concept of it

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right awayListen, there’s not an ounce of secrecy in these two and their relationship, they’re on the nose about it to literally everyone it’s GROSS and I LOVE IT

where the proposal happens and how ( kiss cam at a baseball game? on a hillside surrounded by ducks? at a disney park? )Yes, please, tell me this Ak

if they adopt any pets togetherPUPPIES this is the Puppy Couple™ and they need plenty of puppies but also one cat that kind of looks like Lotte because that’s my aesthetic and they have to name it Tiny Lotte, thank you

who’s more dominantTaemin, not necessarily because he is, but because Lotte isn’t

where their first kiss was and what it was likeIt was the softest, Romantic Movie, shit that was ever written on this god-forsaken, hell-forged, website and I will be telling my grandchildren about it, ahem: after Taemin’s Final Fallout with James and Gigi and Lotte (I know you know this but let me recount it) found him at the burlesque, they had their emotional breakdown moment (by themselves, courtesy of Gigi, we’re thankful) and Lotte kissed (the fecker) the corner of Tae’s lips which prompted Tae, current Fashion King, to kiss Lotte properly (well, properly in the softest version of it)

if they have any matching couples stuff ( mugs? sweaters? pillowcases? )They probably wear the exact same kind of sweaters and match those and also silly headbands and anything, they’re pastel kings

how into pda they areThey INVENTED pda

who holds the umbrella when it rainsWhoever happens so, I may fail to understand the concept of this question

where their usual ‘date spot’ is ( if applicable )At Taemin’s place, at Lotte’s place, at the mall, at the burlesque, everywhere they just meet, they’re always on a date

who’s more protectiveI can’t speak for Taemin (even though I do believe he’s protective) but Lotte is very protective, he just isn’t knowledgeable about acting on it so I think Taemin because it actually shows

how long it is before they sleep together ( can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’ )It took them a week of ‘officially dating’ (or less tbh) to share a bed, but I think it will take a while before sex joins the menu (I’ll leave it entirely to Taemin to determine a moment to bring it to the table)

if they argue about anythingNo because Soft

who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. )Bitch, Taemin paints on Lotte, you tell me, I love this concept so hecking much, goodness gracious, but yes I’d headcanon Taemin, also because Lotte’s skin like... takes everything, you could pinch him and he’d bruise

who steals whose clothes and how oftenBoth and always

how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? )In every way, they invented cuddling

what their favourite nonsexual activity isBeing together

how long they stay mad at each otherI’m sorry, this concept isn’t in their vocabulary

what their usual coffee / tea orders areI deadass never thought about this, but fruity teas for Lotte I think

if they ever have any children togetherOKAY, LET’S DISCUSS wait, I think they need to grow up themselves first

if they have any special pet names for each otherTaemin must have swallowed a book filled with terms of endearment at one point because this boy knows them ALL and I am GRATEFUL- Lotte giggles every TIME

if they ever split up and / or get back togetherNopester pt.3

what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? )It is probably Pastel Heaven and very artsy and cosy with too many colours and stars on walls and old records and beautiful and the epitome of Summer

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was likeProbably hecking gorgeous, I’m talking building gingerbread houses together and eating too many sweets

what their names are in each other’s phonesI remember Taemin used all the hearts in his phone for Lotte (ty) and Lotte has ‘Tae-tae💕’

if they have any ‘couple traditions’ ( buying a new mug for their collection every year? baking every friday evening? )Taemin. Paints. On. Lotte.

who falls asleep first and who wakes up firstLotte would fall asleep alter but if I know Taemin well enough, he’d probably try to stay up with him no matter. I do know 100% though that Taemin wakes up first.

who’s the big spoon / little spoonI don’t know if they spoon tbh ==

who hogs the bathroomNeither I can see them using it together when it comes to getting ready for the day

who kills the spiders / takes them outsideI have no idea but why am I putting my money on Lotte (he likes spiders)

[livvyffxiv]

My Story of being hurt mentally and emotionally

So before I begin. I will take the time to apologize if this is in the wrong section. I would also like to bring up now that this story doesn't exactly have a happy ending as of right now. I also want to address for people who might be sensitive to this topic, it's about a break up, and gender identity. The reason why I'm posting this in the FFXIV section is because these feelings are kinda bottled up for me, and it revolves around final fantasy. I feel like getting my thoughts into words and sharing this story instead of holding it to myself might... idk... find better self help for myself? Either way I can totally understand if this gets deleted, but this was my warning before I dive deep into this long story. I also will not be giving out names of my characters, or the person involved in this story to maintain both of our safety.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My name is Olivia. I really don't like talking about this and I know I'm essentially "outing" myself here which I absolutely hate to do but it's totally appropriate to this story to give you the full jist of things. I can't possibly leave this out without any understanding the pain I've been through. So to get back to the point quickly, as I was saying, I'm Olivia, and I'm a transgender (MtF) person. I've been playing this game, Final Fantasy XIV, and I'm not new to the online dating scene. I've dated before online through games and other platforms. Usually ending terribly, but none the less I've done it.

I met this guy on Final Fantasy who randomly joined our FC. He was charming and nice, and we started talking. We spent most of the day together for a course of 3 weeks. Eventually later he brought me to a cute spot in the game (https://i.gyazo.com/416994d14694443a1d251820798ca395.jpg) where he confessed his feelings to me. I told him that I can't do anything until I address the fact that I was transgender. Obviously, it's wrong to go into ANY sort of relationship without telling someone the truth. So that's what I did.

He told me he didn't care and that he loved me for who I was, which I have to admit I started crying immediately because I've been ridiculed and harassed before and in-person about my gender, and even to this day I still get harassed in public for the way I look, or if I get "found out". We did everything together. We even got married in-game (https://i.gyazo.com/8b3163e7ab6fed1ec0069f272bac97b9.jpg). My FC came together and contributed gil to buy a house together. I was the "lease holder" so to speak, so even though he put everything in the house and decorated, I technically "owned" the house. Not that it mattered. We did everything together. We would always try to help each other out in-game and outside. I gave him help based on anything he wanted to know, like how to re-build your credit score from down low. Or how to program in Python or teach him an actual college course in HTML for free to get you started learning decent web design and fundamentals of setting up a website. He also helped me boost my self-confidence by helping me learn how to tank (in-game) and trying to keep me on voice chat longer and longer until I was comfortable talking to him, and in turn be comfortable talking to people in public the way my voice should reflect my gender.

Three months down the line, I was going through a crisis because my vehicle was failing emissions test (check engine is on, and inspection is due which means if it fails, no registration for the vehicle, meaning you can't drive it without going to jail). I get a message from him saying hey I need to talk to you for a second. I told him I couldn't because I was panicking and trying to fix things with my vehicle, so I don't lose registration, but If he wants to talk I can either read it or talk over voice right now. He said no, and then waited until later and changed his mind and then proceeded to leave me a text message of him breaking up with me after 3 months because he couldn't get over the fact that I was transgender. For 3 months he knew full well, and we talked daily over voice for DAYS. He never once mentioned it, or brought it up, just did it right there on the spot. He said "even though you are a female, I can't get over the fact that your DNA make-up will always be a guy, and I know I personally can't deal with it like I said I would. I just felt like I was doing you a favor by trying at least."

This ruined me personally. I'm already dealing with the discomfort of my own body, the feeling that I'll never fit in, and that I'll be judged every time I walk out the door. The only one giving me the confidence was the one person now saying they are breaking me up for the exact reasons why I'm scared of living my life out right now. Coming from the one person who I thought cared the most, and the one I put most of my faith I ever could possibly put in someone. I ended up self-destructing. I refused to leave my room. I spent nights crying myself to sleep. Refusing to eat. It was almost a solid week of me starving myself before I ate anything. Then I started acting out harmful situations by getting in my vehicle and driving as fast as I possibly could on a narrow road covered in forest in hopes I'd lose control and just end everything.

I decided that I needed help, and I needed to snap out of it. So, I talked to my therapist and got an emergency appointment set up. My therapist immediately wanted me committed to a mental hospital. "Olivia the only reason why I can't FORCE you into a mental hospital right now is because you told me if I asked you to go home, you would, and that you don't have medicine in your house that you can overdose on. That's the ONLY thing stopping me from having you put in a psychiatric hospital." I was told that before work, If I don't come in the VERY next day to talk to her, that she was going to then force someone into the office and have me evaluated immediately on the spot. So, I obliged. However, I was still feeling suicidal and planned on going through with it. The only thing that stopped me was my brother, who I haven’t seen for years come pull me aside from the house and take me on a night to get dunkin donuts coffee and sit in his car and talk things out and catch up, and explain everything of how I've been feeling, and things he's been through. Stuff that really brought me closer to my brother than I thought I'd ever be before.

The story however doesn't end here. There is no exact happy ending here, because this is where I ****ed up.

A few months after getting over him, I managed to bump into him again. I did something and joined the same FC he did because I didn't feel like I belonged in the one I was currently in, and yeah, I did want to get closer because I missed him, and, I wanted the opportunity to make new friends. He started talking to me and we became "friends".

I'm going to jump forward a few more months because the stuff in between is irrelevant because nothing serious happened. I was smart enough to keep my distance, even though I did have set backs and did occasionally fight with him, but nothing STUPIDLY terrible, besides the fact of trusting him in the first place.

He later apologized for everything and came to me one night and said I want to try again. "I feel like you are the only one who really understands me and the one I mostly bonded with". Later on, then was said "In 3 months I'm going to buy a plane ticket, so we can visit each other, but right here right now I'm going to put my foot down, and stay away as long as it takes just to say Olivia [Redacted Marriage name], please come back home..." I said no. Not until he proved to me that he has totally changed and is willing to accept that he would be okay with dating me and can let go of my "DNA make-up". He promised his hardest.

Of course, I fell for it. I jumped right in. I left all the things that said he was an a****** and to not trust him, go. I was too quickly willing to take him entirely back. Just waiting for him to show me he cared. Later his "promise" turned into "I know you said no initially, and you have your reasons for wanting to take your time with this, but Valentine's days is right around the corner, and we are both technically single. Does it mean I'm going to try? Absolutely but I'm not tied down to this because it wasn't a commitment but a chase to the goal line". This was a ploy to really say I'll work things out with you but if something comes up in-between, I'm going with that.

On valentine's day. He messages me and says "Hey happy valentine's day! Do want to go to my wedding with this girl I've been talking to? I'm on the fence about dating her, I only want her as a friend, but actually we might take this seriously". The entire time he's been making promises with me to work things out and fix things, he was talking to some other girl. I broke down on my way home that I refused to go home and stayed at a beach and cried in my car for an hour or two before I decided to come home and then tell him how I felt about how destroyed I felt when he promised all these things to me. He thought I was personally attacking him and didn't respond to any of the key things of how I felt.

For days he hasn't responded until I just told him outright that I'm done. I'm leaving the FC, probably the game to because he killed whatever feelings I had left for him, and the game that I enjoyed, and that it was a mistake to trust him again. It was very clear he only cared about himself.

The so-called girl he was on the fence with, he still married to her regardless, and she even has his last name in-game. The so-called girl that he said he wanted her just as a friend but was on the fence about dating.

The lesson to be learned here, as much as I can't even take my own advice, is that you should love yourself for who you are, because only you can make yourself truly happy, and when you find happiness yourself, put your love into someone who respects you for who you are. Do not allow yourself to settle for anything less, and once you are out, don't think twice about going back.

[toasttz]

How to make games: MMORPGs

Hey, you! Does your current job not fill enough of your life with soul-crushing misery? Have you ever stopped to consider 'man, I wish I could get into a line of work that involved me wasting more time away from home and friends but I would have to pay infinity dollars for the experience'? I have to say that's a very particular set of tastes, but I play Mei in Overwatch too, so I understand having a weird sadist/masochist relationship with our gaming experiences. I'd also say that it sounds like you're in the market for an MMORPG, which is good because that's what we'll be talking about today! Making an MMORPG is easy, since it requires literally less effort than the last two genres we've covered: no one actually expects you to innovate past the good-old WoW standard of gameplay. So steal the most generic Tolkien stereotypes you can bring together, but leave out all that "Jesus" and "patriotism" stuff that accompanied Tolkien's work, because our primary market is going to be east-Asian countries and 13 year olds with money burning holes in their pockets. Making a character creator is as easy as going through the process of making one yourself, as you start with the obvious stuff like species. Species should include, but never exceed: Humans who are neither good nor bad at anything (but called some kind of stupid fantasy name), Elves for sissy magic users, Dwarves for your tanks, some kind of dragon hybrid for the fucking furry degenerates, and the obligatory Sexy Race which you'll slap all over your ads that show up on the sides and bottoms of webpages when viewed by morons who don't know what AdBlock is for. If the above doesn't address it, you should also pick a class, so just steal them from early D&D: Fighter, Mage, Cleric, Thief, etc. No more than that - gotta save room for those sweet, sweet expansion packs so you can fleece your players for "Monthly Server Maintenance Fees" in addition to the price of the game. Never mind that 'sever maintenance' is just ripping out old HDDs and putting in new ones and that HDDs are dirt-fucking cheap, you need to fleece these fuckers for gold like your name was Jason. (That's a smart joke.) Your art style should revolve around the most generic mono-themes you can steal assets for, preferably in the Unity engine since that won't make it look like unabashed shit or anything. For music, just hit royalty free music websites, because everyone's just gonna put Youtube in the background when they play anyways, so fuck it. We got money to earn and gameplay to digest, so let's get what your players can expect. Remember, making each class distinct is important as all members of a given party operate like different members of a family unit. For instance: DPS Roles are the family dog. They get excited easily and rush into situations without regard for life or limb, usually making way more noise than they have earned any right to make. They think they're the leader of the party since they insist on being front and center of every encounter even though they are not. Tank Roles are the Asian helicopter moms. They feel the need to live vicariously through their DPS compatriots because the damage they dish out is, frankly, paltry and any time the situation isn't about them - they make it about them somehow. They believe they are the leaders of the party, though they obviously rarely have control over the most immediate threats, let alone the entire party of sociopaths. Support Roles are the stern fathers. They can't immediately intervene on the behalves of the above roles no matter how much they want to, so they stand back and grant all the help they can muster and, at best, will be largely ignored despite the fact that their movements will dictate the pace, flow, and results of combat above all others. They will only be recognized for what they do when they fail in their tasks, which makes this metaphor hit a bit too close to home for most. Just remember: Supports who aren't active in their party are every Raid Boss's future wingman. Don't come crying to me when your DPS Daughteru comes home dating one of those degenerate dragon-people! Anyways, the pacing of the game is paramount, since making an "end" of an MMORPG is essentially illegal, so you need to make it so it's easy to get to somewhere between levels 30-50 before you just start scaling things on a logarithmic basis. For those who don't math good like what I do: your first three level ups should happen more or less instantly upon completion of the tutorial and the players should be able to make good progress over the next few dozen levels as they play with their friends and make larger parties for stronger instances. However, you're not gonna be wringing any monthly server fees out of these plebs if you make it that easy on them, so around level 40-ish or so, just start slapping higher multiplier values on the Exp. required to level up to the point where solar eclipses happen with greater regularity than the "LEVEL UP" chime. By the time players hit this wall, they'll make one of three choices: that they will persist through the grind because the game is literally all they do outside of work now, they will ragequit (and hopefully forget to cancel their credit card subscription to the game with some luck!), or they'll resort to the premium cash shop. What, you didn't know your MMO needed a premium cash shop? Well it does, wake up and smell the lack of ethics, game dev! For some paltry sum between 1 and infinity bucks, your players can buy some kind of in-game premium currency, as mentioned in my gacha explanation. In fact the comparisons here are apt as this, too, is morally dubious and really is for trying to wrench even more money out of your players for something that they can rest more or less assured that you aren't gonna update meaningfully until Halley's Comet passes through the solar system again. However, for some amount of this premium currency, they should be allowed super powerful weapons and armors that completely invalidate any sense of pacing up until the low 70s level range. This will help them play further into the mindless grind until they are playing at least for a few months (worth of fees) time. Once hopelessly addicted, they'll slog through the remaining 30 levels or so of grind, ideally. All other premium currency items should be cosmetics - preferably cosmetics with expiration dates so you can fleece them for their fashionista tendencies repeatedly. If you have any pangs that make you think this might be "not exactly on-the-level", hey, you're right! You're really getting the hang of modern game design! After that, it's time make expansion packs! The beauty of this is that not only have they paid for the base game and monthly fees, but now they get to buy the game ALL OVER AGAIN! Slap on a few extra islands and some quests to populate them and sometimes raise the level cap. The design is the easy part. The name is where you will likely struggle. However, using our advanced scientific algorithms, we have deduced that the ideal title should follow the template: "Adjective Noun Adjective" plus or minus a definitive article and a couple of "Of"s. Do you not know what those are? That probably means you're at the right IQ level to actively make MMOs! Or to play them! Oh yeah, every second expansion pack you should add an additional class - preferably one that invalidates the classes of an earlier build, so as to subtly 'encourage' making a new character. But the prereqs for getting these should be difficult to the point of patent absurdity. After all, you can't class change to a "Bumtickler" until you get that level 85 Pirate! Congrats! You're a soulless monster who cares naught for their fellow man. You are now a living example of gaining the world and losing your soul. I hope the Faustian bargain was worth it. You're welcome.

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

If a Loved One is Involved with a High-Demand Group (Cult)

Steve K. D. Eichel, ICSA President

People who contact ICSA often ask, “Is X a cult?” In its first form as the American Family Foundation, and now as the International Cultic Studies Association, ICSA has tried to provide helpful perspectives on this vexed and challenging issue.

Although ICSA’s website and member e-library have information on about 1,000 groups, questioners have been frustrated when they cannot find a list of “cults” on the website; however, we maintain that it is more important to understand why certain interpersonal dynamics may be harmful than to label a group a cult or a person a cultic leader. As the writers who follow demonstrate, the word cult, while useful, may also be “thought terminating” because it may conjure up stereotypes that interfere with productive inquiry and accurate perception.

We are proud to publish here a representative selection of papers, starting with an essay coauthored by our longtime former president, attorney Herbert Rosedale, more than fifteen years ago, and concluding with an essay by our current president, Steve Eichel, completed this year. The essay “What Is a Cult?” by Professor Russell Bradshaw (2014) is part of a collection of basic papers on cultic issues developed by ICSA’s New York Educational Outreach Committee. —Editors

FOR FAMILIES WHO SUSPECT THAT A LOVED ONE MAY BE INVOLVED WITH A HIGH-DEMAND GROUP (CULT)

By Steve K. D. Eichel

How can I tell if my loved one is in a high-demand group (HDG) or cultic relationship?

Deception is the key to whether a group or person is cultic, or just more dedicated than the rest of us. Historically, groups and persons who have had a beneficial effect on the world have done so without disguising their beliefs or misrepresenting their practices. Every member of a mainline religious community is given lengthy exposure to the beliefs and practices of the community before the member is permitted to make a commitment. Legitimate groups and individuals can do this because they are capable of delivering what they promise.

HDGs and cultic persons, in contrast, promise what no one can deliver. Naturally, because they promise what can be had nowhere else, they can make extraordinary demands on their followers or partners, since the expected reward is also extraordinary. If these persons or groups could deliver on what they promise, we should all be members. Since they cannot, they have to build systems that trick people into joining and staying in the system. This goal is usually accomplished with a kind of bait-and-switch technique.

For example, a group promises eternal inner peace and then trains new recruits in relaxation techniques. The techniques, available in any library, are presented as the secret “wisdom of the ages.” The new recruits are actually able to relax using the technique. Their new ability is ascribed to the uniqueness of the group and proves that the group can deliver on its promises. When the new technique fails, the members can be blamed for not doing it right or can be commended for rising to a new level and needing more training in other techniques. Either way, guilt or praise, the group keeps its devoted without delivering anything else it promised.

Just believing strongly in or committing deeply to a cause, a group, or a person does not mean that one is in a HDG. Through history, countless devoted individuals, groups, and intense belief systems have served to bring societies back from barbarism to respect for human life and liberty. All these groups have accomplished their lofty goals without indulging in the practices below:

The group, its leader, or the partner expects unusual commitment of time and resources to the group. For example: Full-time college students are expected to spend in excess of 20 to 30 hours each week on group-related activities.

The group, its leader, or the partner expects more or less exclusive devotion or focus on the leader or partner, or on the group’s practices or beliefs. Other relationships are discouraged, other honorable persons are overtly or subtly dismissed, and other ideas and lifestyles are ridiculed. The promise is that extreme devotion yields extreme rewards. Members are special, part of an elite; nonmembers are subnormal, and former members are dangerous. Doubts are suppressed by enforcing the practices of the group, in excess: chanting, meditation, speaking in tongues, singing repetitive lyrics, following repetitive work regimens, spending time in endless study (looking up words, etc.).

The group, its leader, or the partner acts as if right and wrong are defined by what furthers or inhibits the interests of the group. The world is defined in sharp, black-or-white categories.

The group, its leader, or the partner emphasizes attraction of new members, collection of money, or participation in the group’s practices to the exclusion of other activities necessary for normal emotional growth.

However minor they might be, thoughts, feelings, and actions of members are expected to be under the benevolent care and direction of the leader or partner.

I think my loved one is in a HDG, or a cultic or abusive relationship; what do I do now? 

Keep the lines of communication open. If initial concerns and doubts are not effective in helping the member to leave, it is not necessary to label the group or partner as cultic or abusive. Remember, this is a cherished belief or person; your loved one may not be capable of rejecting the connection on first or second hearing. Instead, try to keep pregroup or prerelationship memories alive; emphasize the care and love that exists in the relationship now. 

Educate yourself. The International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) website contains a wealth of information useful to families, along with links to several other organizations and individuals who can provide guidance on specific groups and beliefs. Knowing what you are talking about can prevent miscommunication and promote real understanding in your loved one. Knowledge also prevents you from playing into the hands of the group. Most groups have been incorrectly blamed for things in the past. They will use the media’s misinformation and your misconceptions to make the group seem legitimate.

Create for the loved one a real place to go. More than a job or a place to live, important as these things are, your loved one needs an atmosphere of emotional safety. Extended family and friends also need to be educated in HDG/cult dynamics to minimize awkwardness.

Consult with a cult-aware professional when necessary. This person can assist you with support, understanding, and concrete suggestions to help yourself as well as your loved ones. Please do not take any drastic actions without first consulting a cult-aware professional or consultant. ICSA may be able to help you find appropriate professionals, consultants, or organizations in your area, such as RETIRN, which I cofounded, or Wellspring.

My loved one just left a HDG, how can I help them?

The concepts above apply: Educate yourself, keep the lines of communication open, and try to create a real place to go. Here is where professional resources fit into the whole process. Once your loved one has decided it would not be in her best interest to return to the group or relationship, there is a growing network of mental-health professionals with expertise in cultic dynamics to whom you can turn for assistance.

Most importantly, your loved one may have questions and emotional needs you feel ill-equipped to handle. Not resolving these issues can result in much longer recovery periods; worse, some individuals will not be able to recover on their own at all. There is an old saying: “Time does not heal the wounds of betrayal.” Your loved one may not be able to “get over” the experience the way she might overcome some other obstacle in life.

Many mental-health professionals and clergy feel ill-equipped to meet the needs of former cult members. Our experience is they are better equipped than they think. A background in the social psychology of undue influence and the impact of traumatic experiences—which many professionals have—along with a willingness to listen before judging and “pathologizing” either former members or families, often provides a firm foundation for effective helping. Consultation with professionals and paraprofessionals (including cultic scholars and former members experienced with helping other former members) is available and often extremely useful.

Educate yourself, keep the lines of communication open, and try to create a real place to go.

Steve K. D. Eichel, PhD, ABPP, ICSA President, is Past-President of the American Academy of Counseling Psychology and the Greater Philadelphia Society of Clinical Hypnosis. He is a licensed and Board-certified counseling psychologist whose involvement in cultic studies began with a participant-observation study of Unification Church training in its Eastern seminary (in Barrytown, NY) in the spring of 1975. To date, his doctoral dissertation is the only intensive, quantified observation of a deprogramming. He was honored with AFF’s 1990 John G. Clark Award for Distinguished Scholarship in Cultic Studies for this study, which was published as a special issue of the Cultic Studies Journal and has been translated into several foreign languages. In 1983, along with Dr. Linda Dubrow-Marshall and clinical social worker Roberta Eisenberg, Dr. Eichel founded the Re-Entry Therapy, Information & Referral Network (RETIRN), one of the field’s oldest continuing private providers of psychological services to families and individuals harmed by cultic practices. RETIRN currently has offices in Newark, DE, Lansdowne, PA, Pontypridd, Wales, and Buxton, England (UK). In addition to his psychology practice and his involvement with ICSA, Dr. Eichel is active in a range of professional associations. He has coauthored several articles and book reviews on cult-related topics for the CSJ/CSR.

ICSA  https://www.icsahome.com/

Saying Good-bye to the Guru – Steve Eichel

The Guru Papers: Masks of Authoritarian Power – quotes

Reward and punishment, guilt, shame, and forgiveness—this is the stuff religions use for control

[tnyj]

Chapters of my life and career.

This post is a documentation of my life. From birth until current day.

I was born on November 17th, 2004 at 10:20 AM, at 52 centimetres long and weighing 1 pound and 14 ounces. I was born at 25 weeks, 15 weeks premature.

The funny thing is that, because I am a male, I could have died as a stillborn, because of my prematurity. My birth also kick-started a chapter of my life that is still ongoing, but that wasn’t named until my 14th year of life.

I went from hospital to hospital for the first half a year of my life.

I had suffered 12 respiratory arrests because the nurses were trying to get me onto CPAP, but my lungs kept failing after a few hours of being on it, so I was put on ventilator again and again. Because of this, I have a lip deformity on the right corner of my mouth. Also because of this, my windpipe itself became twisted and deformed, ironically.

On March 21st, 2005, I had the first major operation in my life, which was the Tracheostomy Operation, which was a tube in my throat to help me breathe. (I went on to have it until 2014, but that will be touched upon later.) 

Then whilst, I was Guys Hospital, in London, I contracted MRSA because a nurse inadequately washed her hands, and was contaminated with the bug. The infection would go on to spread to my skin and blood, and that would have also killed me, if it wasn’t the extra special care given to me via the staff that worked there.

Then I went to another hospital.

Then another. This time, on April 26th, 2005, being the same hospital I was born in: Maidstone Hospital.

This was my final stay at Maidstone Hospital, where I grew bigger and stronger.

Then, on May 1st, 2005, I visited my mum’s parents to meet them and other members of my family. My Grammy (Mum’s mum’s mum), had a dog named Tina. I was scared of Tina, because I have never seen a dog at that point in time, because I was in hospital for most of my life back then, and also because when compared to my size at the time, I was smaller than it, even though the dog itself was small.

Because of this, I had a fear of dogs ever since until 2012.

On May 3rd, 2005, I was finally sent home, at five months old.

In 2007 I started walking for the first time, at the age of 2, because all I had was leg muscle therapy to help support my own bodyweight standing up.

I didn’t start talking with my vocal chords until 2008, because they were frozen and literally stuck together, and I had several operations to separate them.

I spoke via Sign Language until my vocal chords were finally separated.

In 2010 was another major operation, a partial tracheal resection, where they took a small portion of my deformed windpipe (caused by the constant ventilation tubes being shoved into my throat so I literally don’t die), and replaced it with a bit of my rib cartilage.

I tested positive for MRSA until 2010, as well.

Then, from 2012 until 2014, 2018 and 2020, I had several operations where they would laser away at my deformed windpipe, and several operations where they would just put a camera down my throat to check on my airways.

In 2014, was the most life changing moment since the initial tracheostomy operation: I had the tracheostomy out for an extended period of time, for the first time in my entire life.

Then, a year later, I suffered my most recent respiratory arrest in my life, in December 2015, caused because of combined effect of the premeds (medicine you take before you have the anaesthetic) and the anaesthetic itself, which caused a severe reaction and could have killed me. I had to have the tracheostomy back for 3 days.

Then when 2016 started, the hole where the tracheostomy resided healed shut, ironically when the doctors said that it isn’t supposed to. In February, I went swimming properly for the first time in 5 years. It was genuinely fun.

Then, nearly 2 years after this, I was due yet another major operation, this one also life-changing, where I could have the tracheostomy for the rest of my life or not have it ever again. Those outcomes were out of my control, and entirely up to the surgeons and doctors.

This operation was a full tracheal resection.

They severed most of my deformed windpipe, then pulled the rest of my windpipe that was intact up and then sewed it in place.

I was put into a medically induced coma, and then put into the ICU, post-operation. Then, when I returned to school in early/mid February, I was highly focused on education, getting into GCSE Mathematics (advanced math.), ran 800m without stopping (I have bad asthma), and began self-regulating more (because I sometimes take myself out of lessons if I am really frustrated). Because of this, I achieved what I consider the best achievement in my entire school life: The Personal Progress Award. (KEEP IN MIND: I go to a special needs school, because I am mentally disabled.)

2018 was also my tenth year at this special needs school, coincidentally.

Then, 2019 rolled around, and with modern context and hindsight, is the worst year of my school and personal life.

Starting off, was mediocre, at best. It wasn’t until late 2019 that things really went to shit, because of a then unrealised tendency to fuck myself over, because of the lack of forethought, especially when I let myself be consumed by emotions. In late 2019, I had my first relationship. I felt very happy at first, but then I was deluded by love, in the sense that I let myself be taken advantage of emotionally and psychologically and being abused because of such. Especially with her having another relationship beind my back at the same exact time as her being together with me (two-timing). Looking back now it is easier to realise that it was a very shitty relationship, but I was only 15 and I didn’t know better, at all. After me and my ex broke up, I was clearly depressed as shit, because it was my very first relationship.

Then the post-breakup bullying started, where my ex would make fun of me and mock me without reason. I let the pain, anger, sadness and hate build up within me, until I snapped after putting up with it for weeks and weeks.

She mocked me for how clingy I was, and at that point I was just done with that bullshit, so I punched her face. My fist hit her glasses, then they broke and cut her face open, which I didn’t expect, due to how angry I felt.

I was lucky not to have the police called on me.

That was incident was also when I completely lost childhood innocence, as well.

Then, 2020 came along, and changed modern human history. With CoViD-19 coming along and causing a massive pandemic that is still fucking ongoing.

On April 1st, I started using an audio editing software for my music career, which was new at the time, because all I had was a website DAW.

Then on April 23rd, 2020  I had my last MLB operation in recent memory. Which was operation 33.

In June 2020, I pioneered and experimented with a Hypertone Technique that I would later call ‘Breaking’. It involves copying and pasting nothing into an Ultrasound Tone (Ultratone), which breaks the tone into segments, making a small wall of the Broken Tone, then copying that wall, cutting the unedited (unbroken) tone, then pasting the wall of the Broken Tone, until it is significantly bigger, then speeding that up. The difference between this and most methods is that Breaking is an infinite cycle that can be repeated for eternity.

In that same month, I reached ee+121 BPM.

Later on, in August 2020, I reached ee+388 BPM, because I discovered three new forms of Breaking: Micro-Breaking, Nano-Breaking and Pico-Breaking.

Then, in December 2020, I discovered another three forms of Breaking: Femto-Breaking, Yocto-Breaking and Zepto-Breaking. In late December 2020, I started a 202 track album, titled ‘Reality Has No Meaning’ in response to the UK going into a second lockdown, due to variants of CoViD-19 hitting the country.

I completed RHNM in late January 2021.

Then, in February, I revived my BPMs reaching ee+500 on February 13th, 2021, ee+666 on February 17th, 2021 and starting my final major Hypertone album, and major album in general that has 100+ tracks: Towards E+1000 Digits. Which started on February 17th, 2021 and ended with the ee+1000 BPM track, on February 25th, 2021. I also reached ee+1001 the same day. marking an end to Breaking’s publicity.

In April 2021, I became insanely bitter, hateful and cynical, because I realised that I no longer had childhood innocence. This bitterness lasted until June and July. When I suddenly became apathetic to everything. I didn’t feel emotion for as long as I used to, circa 2018 and 2019. I still felt emotion, but very rarely.

In June I became pessimistic more severely than before, for some reason.

In late July, I became way more stylised, with the creation of more Soundcloud accounts to house very distinct styles of my music. The most personal of these is an alias named FFTSD, which is an acronym for ‘Falling For The Same Delusions’

Which expressed apathy, and also gave personal and self-reflective anecdotes in the descriptions of it’s tracks with a more expressive title.

This is all I have to offer about my life for now.

The Audacity Era is sort of Reminiscent of Hospital Hell for me, because it never ends. It’s on and off, constantly. (I mean this in the sense of my motivation to make music constantly being on and off).

This is everything about my life, online and offline.

Thank you for reading this essay/thesis or whatever, have a great day!

- TNYJ