#the song is um its kind of a lot

[furbs-and-prayers]

this is not a part of my will wood lyrics project as these are from a different album BUT it is still xerxes break content so

[kiwiparfait]

Once these walls were grey

But you made stars and skies and snowflakes

characters by @laikascomet :]

[gremlin-pattie]

trying to find people talking about “Um, it’s Kind of a Lot” and genuinely only found like 10 posts. is nobody else hearing this??

[noctualagenaria]

∞

" i love you so much it scares me half to death, th eother half i guess im giving to you oh, baby, im afraid that you'll cahnge your mind, im afarid theres somebody better, im afraid of four little words like 'love' 'for' and 'ever' or whatever and im afraid you'll notice all my flaws im afraid you already have, obviously. "

[flovverworks]

Next question, what song does he like to sing in karaoke??? Again for the public sake

comes back 7hrs later to this. normie songs. safe songs. 'probably wont make a fool of urself' songs. post-wizards theyre more confident to go out of that comfort zone tho. i cant give proper specifics but<3 that kind of person<3 def is the type to give in though if someone rly suggests something

[justagaycryptid]

Ngl I/Me/Myself is the absolute WORST song that could have gone viral for Will especially on tiktok of all places because it is an incredibly nuanced song and tiktok users are not particularly known for their understandings of nuance

[hold-me-like-a-tourniquet]

IS YOUR USERNAME A WILL WOOD REFERENCE?? /pos /genq

MWAHAHA YOU KNOW IT IS BABY!!!!!!

Its my fav lyric from my fav will wood song >:3

[crucialplayer]

Thoughts on Mars placements 

!! everything is based purely on my experiences with signs, written with no other purpose than to share my observations and be unserious.

Aries mars. Practical jokes lovers, gentle touch haters. Hit u while laughing. Love the banter, sometimes a lil too much. Go for it (whatever it is) fiercely and without a single backthought. Explosive in conflict, but in a sense of crying screaming throwing up banging against the wall. 

Taurus mars. Life could be on Mars but they still be going on and on about that one thing. Sudden outbursts of anger. It might seem out of the blue but they’ve probably been brooding some hurt for a long time. They just hoped it’d go away… naturally. Also surprisingly horny. 

Gemini mars. Mind fuckers. That one guy defending polygamy «as a concept» rather too enthusiastically. Can talk their way out of hell with one leg already in the hottest boiling cauldron. I suppose it’s a placement most people will find charming at some point (says a lot about society…). 

Cancer mars. Rumors are true, the sky is blue, and they are manipulative. Watching anybody else display vulnerability is the same as watching a children’s play to them. Ur rawest and most disturbing moment? To a cancer mars its a chill Tuesday morning. Humanization of a silent treatment. 

Leo mars. You’d gather that its serious by the sheer scale of their reaction but I promise its not. 9 times out of 10 will cause a huge scene and won't be able to remember it 2 days after. Very defensive. Won't put themselves out there if they’re not guaranteed a 10-minute standing ovation. 

Virgo mars. They believe that they make sense but usually they don't. They’re calculating but it’s like they do it backwards resulting in some of the most unhinged decisions made. Want to be praised for… um… existing as they are. Kind of a menace in conflict. 

Libra mars. If u think it's hard for you to wait for them to make up their mind imagine how they feel. It’s similar to watching a plant move without a time-lapse. Cry when they’re angry. Go with the flow not because they’re chill but more cause it's easier for them. 

Scorpio mars. They ARE vengeance and I'm scared. Slash 3 tires after one fight mars. Not the person you’d try to make jokingly jealous. For further information read the lyrics to… really any Taylor Swift song. 

Sagittarius mars. Don't think before they do and think after they’ve done smth only if u make them. The kind of people that will try everything once just to know how it feels (and then present that to everyone as if they’ve found god by bungee jumping one time). Very easy to dare. Also are always checking someone out. 

Capricorn mars. Blood is cold, the heart is beating twice per minute. ISN’T IT lonely on top of the world fellas??? If u get them to like u your love language better not be words of affirmation. Instead of arguing chances are high they disappear for a while or just go into a rock regime. 

Aquarius mars. Are only attracted to intellectuals so naturally in a room full of sweet gentle people will go for the most narcissistic motherfucker out there. They’re sorta very patient but I feel maybe it's just them dissociating… Ponder a lot before making a move. 

Pisces mars. I'm afraid no one knows whats going on there. It's like they’re never actually present. Therefore often times can have a delayed reaction to smth, which people might read as passive aggression. Very sentimental, will write u a song or a poem on a second date. Also low LOW energy. 

[zwolfgames]

|Mistakes|Platonic Yandere Alastor x fem!reader

Requested: /

Warnings: Alastor, condescending behavior, off putting interactions.

Parts: Part 1, Part 2 (You are here), Part 3

The two of you sat peacefully on the kitchen floor for quite a while. Alastor asked you about songs and he showed you his favourite's in return.

It was quite a sweet moment, considering the situation. Listening music during an extermination. Who would have tought?

Alastor hums along to a song he put on. You have to admit, he has a soothing voice. Indeed perfect for a radio host.

A violent scream of pain from outside shook you out of the calmness.

You had almost forgotten about the death outside...

Alastor eyes you curiously.

You may not know it, but he finds you calming to look at. No sharp edges... that big jellyfish cap. You look.. lets say, squishable.

Tough he knows better then to touch now.

"You aren't scared, are you?" Alastor hums in a sing song manner. Teasing smile on his lips as usual.

"There's no need to be scared when I'm here to protect you." He further widens his grin. You just nod meekly, opting to agree with anything he may say to spare your life.

"Y/N, dear. Don't you think you'd look better with a smile?" Alastor tilts his head so he can look right at you, trough the veil of stinging tendrils.

"No... not really? I don't have a lot to smile about." You blink up at him blankly. You see him tilt his head to the side in either curioustity or annoyance.

"How about you smile for me?" Alastor seems to smile even wider at his own ideas.

You attempt a little smile as to not get murdered on the spot.

Alastor seems content and had to stop himself from tilting your chin up to see better. Tough the only thing really stopping him were your tendrils.

"Y/N, is there perhaps a way for you to not sting?" Alastor asks.. way too obviously.

"No." You answer without hesitation. And even if there was, you wouldn't ever turn them off. Hell is dangerous and this guy is especially dangerous.

"I see. A shame, you look soft to touch." He admits casually. You almost cringe and resist the urge to back off. Why does he pull out the creepy shit after you two had a nice music moment?

A moment of silence passes, its awkard to you but the radio demon seems nothing but pleased.

"Say, my dear. What else do you presume we do while waiting out the extermination?" Alastor asks as if this is some playdate.

And truly, to him it was.

"Um... I have papers somewhere, we can.. draw?" You offer awkardly, you only have a destroyed kitchen to work with here. But you don't think he'd have appreciated playing minecraft anyways.

"Drawing, are you capable of that?" Alastor asks in amusment. You almost feel insulted at the way he asked that.

You just nod and take some papers from a cabinet. Finding pencils was a bit harder but you managed.

And Alastor defenitly noticed that you gave him the better pencil.... How sweet and considerate of you.

He doesn't know a lot of sinners who would do that...

Second mistake: A show of Kindness.

Well, atleast drawing time went on peacefully. Alastor was humming a tune with that radio effect enhancing his voice, it was quite calming and your stress ebbed away from you slowly as you just focussed on your drawing.

You aren't sure how much time passed before Alastor stopped humming but he snapped you out of your creative trance.

"What do you think ,dear?" Alastor smiles a bit more genuinly.

He holds up his pencil drawing of... you. Just You. With your little smile.

You blush faintly in a rather shy manner and try not to look away from his drawing.

You didn't know he had a talent in drawing. You also didn't know you were drawing eachother. Yours was just todays made up OC.

"Thats.. very pretty... I'm flattered." You mutter out in embarrasment. Alastors grin widens.

"I just wanted to capture you, as I carry no camera's on me." Alastor boasts as if that's the coolest thing ever.

"Thats neat." You stick a thumb up, it therefore comes out under your stinging veil.

You notice your mistake quite quickly as your hand is taken in the Radio demons.

"I knew it, soft. You're quite untouched, aren't you? Well, that would be obvious, seeing your ability." Alastor smirks. It's as if his main goal this whole time had been to grab a hold of you.

He's quite cold, pointy fingers. Kinda eery.

"Oh look at your little startled face. You're adorable." Alastor teases with slightly lidded eyes.

You attempt to pull back out of embarrasment but he holds on.

"Are you scared?" 

Alastor asked in a more serious voice.

"Not really, you're just cold." You answer simply, hoping thats a decent enough answer.

"Is that so?" Alastor hums, a twitch in his smile as he lets go.

He stands up and summons his cane.

You refrain a flinch as you fear the worst but he instead just summons a couch and a bunch of books.

"Come, sit. We still have some hours to pass."

_____☆_____

Cool

Tag list: @ceramic-raven , @oo0lady-mad0oo

[lovebotmo]

like the movies

chapter one - falling behind

series masterlist

pairing: theodore nott x reader

wc: 1199

author’s note: i am so excited for this first chapter. im forcing myself to pace these so i don't get burned out LMAO. i hope you enjoy this first installment!!! also not beta read so fight me.

song inspiration: "like the movies" by laufey

“Why haven’t you ever dated, Y/n?”

While the question had been relatively simple, its forwardness sent you into a coughing fit while sipping your coffee at breakfast. Sitting across from the inquirer, Luna Lovegood, you quickly mopped up your spill while throwing her a dirty look. The conversation at your table that morning in the Great Hall had consisted of relationships, past, present, and mind-numbing, wobbly-kneed crushes, but you hadn’t expected the focus of the chat to turn towards you.

To your right, your dearest friend, Hermione Granger, quickly jumped to your defense. “It’s not that simple, Luna. There are a number of perfectly good reasons why someone does or does not, in Y/n’s case, date!”

Hermione seemed absolutely content with her answer, patting you gently on the back with a kind smile. Her sympathy made you groan before you dropped your head into your hands. “For the love of Merlin, can we please discuss something—”

Ginny Weasley plopped down on your right, eager to give her two cents on the matter of your abysmal dating record. “I mean, you’ve had people interested in you, right? None of them have piqued your fancy? What’s his face—um…Lee Jordan! He asked you out a few months ago, right? What about him?”

“What about Cormac?” asked Hannah Bones. “I know he’s a bit of a tosser, but he’s not bad to look at. I sit next to him in Transfiguration, I could introduce you!”

Increasingly irritated with the course of the conversation, you piped up. “Thank you, Hannah, but I’ve got no interest in—”

Ginny interrupted, “What about one of my brothers? They’re bloody idiots, no doubt, but I’m sure I could put in a good word. What’s your type? Hmm—you into the whole cheeky thing Fred and George have going on—”

“Enough!” The four girls stared at you and your face that could easily rival a tomato with its present scarlet hue. A silence washed over the nearby tables in the Great Hall. A few odd looks were thrown at you from the surrounding students before their conversations recommenced. “As much as I appreciate your intense interest in my lack of relationships, I don’t feel like fleshing it out over cinnamon rolls and sausage links at 8:00 a.m. in the morning, if you lot don’t mind.”

The girls quickly began to apologize before you hushed them. “It’s totally fine, seriously, I just don’t want to get into it. We’re all good. Promise.”

As if sensing that you weren’t entirely ‘good,’ Ginny opened her mouth to speak, but Hermione beat her to it. “Y/n and I have got to get going if we’re going to make it to Potions. We’ll see you guys later, alright?” You could have snogged the life out of Hermione for the offered escape route. You and Hermione both knew you had another thirty minutes before your first class, but what the three girls didn’t know wouldn’t kill them. After swiftly packing up her things, Hermione linked her arm with yours, whisking you away from the other three.

Even though your next class was in the dungeons, Hermione steered you towards an unfamiliar corridor, one she had likely found on the vast number of adventures she, Harry, and Ron had found themselves in over the years. Arms still intertwined; she sat you both on a bench. After sitting in a few moments of silence, you squeezed her arm and spoke, “Thanks, ‘Mione.”

Returning your squeeze, she smiled. “I figured you could use a break from that inquisitive lot. They can be a bit much, altogether at once. Merlin knows how they’ll react when I tell them about Ron and me.” The two of you looked at each other in stunned silence before bursting into laughter. Hermione laughed at the imaginary image of shock and disbelief she imagined would appear on Ginny’s face. You laughed, however, at the thought that anyone could be unaware to the obvious affection shared between the couple. You doubted that Filch, perhaps the most oblivious man to ever inhabit Hogwarts, couldn’t see the feelings that had steadily been growing between Hermione and Ron since their first year. Feelings you had yet to experience at Hogwarts, despite your desperate desire to.

As if sensing your thoughts, Hermione peered into your face before softly speaking, “You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I won’t push you or anything, but I just want you to know you have an ear if you want one.”

Considering her words, you peered at the ceiling that seemed miles away. Of all the people you knew at Hogwarts, Hermione might have been the best to unburden yourself to.

You turned to look at her before speaking. “Well, it’s like this. Take Lee Jordan for example—when he asked me out, he found me after Defense Against the Dark Arts and just said, ‘Want to go out sometime, L/N?’ And that’s it! I mean, it took him all of four seconds to ask—and I don’t know…I asked him why he wanted to go out with me—which let me tell you he gave me quite a funny look because of my question—before he said, ‘Well, you’re fit and nice.’    

Hermione laughed at Lee’s simplistic answer before you continued. “Don’t get me wrong, it was a fine answer, and I appreciated the ‘fit’ part especially,” you said, winking at Hermione, “But that was the whole exchange. No real effort, no deep interest in me. It was simple.”

Hermione smiled at you, “But you don’t want simple, do you?”

You shrugged. “I guess not? Believe me, I don’t want a live performance where the man of my dreams serenades me with a homemade song listing my manifold of attractions.” This time you joined Hermione in her laughter. “I’d rather die on the spot, honestly, than endure that, but the point is I don’t want to be asked out just to be asked out. I want someone who’s thought about it, someone who’s noticed the little things about me, and lets me know that he has noticed them. I want to be wooed, goddammit!”

Hermione pealed in laughter for a solid minute before she managed to catch her breath. Smiling, she replied, “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be ‘wooed’, Y/n. Godric knows Ron could stand to do a bit more ‘wooing’ when it comes to us.”

Turning your body fully to Hermione, you took her hands into yours, earnestly. “You don’t think I’m asking for too much? Being too high maintenance? I mean, I suppose we are young and still learning after all and—”

“Y/n, no. There is nothing wrong with wanting to know if someone truly likes you and wanting them to show it.” She squeezed your hands in assurance.

“Are you positively sure, because honestly—”

“I am absolutely sure, Y/n.”

“One hundred percent sure?”

“What do you think absolute means, Y/n?”

“…Point taken, ‘Mione.”

“Now then,” she said, standing and dragging you along with her, “we really must head off to Potions if we don’t want to be late.”

Trotting behind her, you smiled at your ever-punctual friend, “Yes ma’am.”

[littlefanficprincess]

Dancing across my mind

🎆One shot🎆

Pair: Tai lung x reader

Song: Someone to you (Banners)

"Dive and disappear without a trace, I just wanna be someone"

Important: (Y/A) = Your animal, ‼️Spoilers for Kungfu Panda 4‼️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It felt like it was ages ago when I had first met him, a life time ago.

I was about the age of eight, just moved to the valley of peace with my family. It truly lived up to its name, a lot calmer compared to the big city. A very welcome change.

A young (y/a) emerges from a building which was covered with posters. In her paws/feathers/claws were a (f/c) colored fan.

My mother was a traditional dancer, a famous one at that. She use to perform at theaters near our old home. I wanted to be just like her.

The small creature stumbles through the villages, watching as other pass by. Her (e/c) look up and latch onto a mountain with a Cherry Blossom tree on it.

Her eyes sparkle in fascination. She picks up the pace, and almost begins running. Unknownly, she almost jumps into a geese who was carrying a crate full of vegetable.

Finally after a few minutes was carrying herself up. She reaches the top of the mountain. It was really high, she could even see her house from here!

I sometimes wonder if I never went to the mountain on that faithful day, I most likely would've never met him.

The (f/a) moves to stand in the beginning pose, she in- and exhales like her mother taught her. She carefully moves her arms/feathers, feeling the wind flow past her form.

She couldn't imagine how amazing she looks as feels cherry bottom leafs flow through the breeze.

Her grip on the fan loosend and she accidentally drops it on the moss covered rocks. She was about to retrieve her when a pair of paws grab them.

She looks up, meeting two kind golden eyes. Those belonging to a snow leopard that seemed her age. He shyly bends down on one knee "I think you've dropped this" He holds out the fan for her grab.

(Y/n) reaches and takes it from him, feeling her wing/paw brush against his. "Thank you, um..." She says, not knowing his name.

"Tai...Tai lung!" He introduces himself, seeming to have trouble with his words. He seemed shy and excited at the same time.

There was something special about him, but (Y/n) couldn't place her feater/finger on it. "Thank you, Tai Lung" A smile appears on her face. "May I ask what brings you here?"

"I might have had a burst of anger and my jiaolian had send me over her to meditate and dim my anger" Tai Lung explains, akwardly fiddling with his paws.

(Y/n) resumes the begin pose, holding the fan tightly "Why don't join me, dancing always makes me relax"

Hesitantly, Tai Lung moves to stand next to the other. He copies the begin pose, looking at his arms and legs to make sure he was doing it correct.

His eyes watch (Y/n)'s movements, observing the dance. He follows her moves, soon they were moving in sync. Tai Lung realises how peaceful he felt, feeling the wind flow through his fur.

Not so far away stood Shifu, proud to see his student was able to calm the burning rage in himself.

For years, (Y/n) and Tai Lung met on the mountain. Dancing and training togheter, Tai Lung was even able to teach (Y/n) some fighting moves. (Y/n) became a better dancer and Tai Lung became a greater fighter.

But it came all to an end on the day he told me about his 'Destiny'.

(Y/n) sits calmly ontop the mountain, her eyes were shut. She in- and exhales through her nose. From behind she could hear someone approaching, she knew those footsteps all too well.

She turns just time to be grabbed by the waist and held up. The one holding her up was Tai Lung himself, seeming very happy for some reason.

(Y/n) couldn't help but let out an excited giggles, gripping into his strong arms as support "What has you so overjoyed?"

Carefully, Tai Lung places the (y/a) down back on her feet "The next time you will see, I will have the title of the Dragon Warrior!"

"Fancy title, will you get a metal of honor along with it?" (Y/n) Jokes, smiling at her companion.

Tai Lung chuckles, shaking his head, amused by her remark "Maybe, If I'm lucky. I know you'll be proud of me"

"I already am, I always have been"

After he left, I waited for him. It was so quiet underneath the cherry Blossom tree. I missed his laughter, his snarky remarks that would always brought a smile to my face.

(Y/n) looks at the letter she was holding, she was planning to give it to Tai Lung. She sighs and places it in a drawer, closing it after.

Rumors grew, stories about him destroying a nearby village. They would follow me everywhere, as many knew how close we were. Most of my shows had town.

Years past, the rumors became less and less. Until he left everyone's mind, but not mine. Fifteen years later, I had walked out of theater I usually perform at.

The infamous (y/a) strolls out of the building, holding her trusty (f/c) fan by her side. She pauses when she hears crashing nearby.

A figure gets flung infront of her, only a few meters away. They use their fist to bring their motion to a stop. It was Tai Lung.

As if feeling her presence, he turns his head to look at her gaze. Their eyes widen at the sight of the other. Tai Lung didn't get much reaction as he was punched in the stomach by Po, making him fly out of sight.

Scared, (Y/n) rush out, trying to find her old friend. She follows the trial of destruction, going all throughout the valley.

She found it stopped in the middle of the street, with a huge crater in the street. She turns to a pig standing nearby "Have you seen a snow leopard by any chance?"

"The dragon Warrior had defeated him a few moments ago, you just missed it" The pig explains to her.

Next to pig were three bunnies, jumping up and down, excitedly. "It was so cool, he went like pow pow pow!" "Then he did skadoosh!" "It was like send that cat to another dimension"

Hope dissapears in her eyes as the possibility of him being dead. After all these years she sees him finally, only to hear that he could already be dead.

A few years later

One by one, the old enemies return to the spirit realm. General Kai flies into the golden portal, leaving Tai Lung to be the only one left.

"Guess it's your turn now" Po turns to his old foe, holding his staff with a tight grip.

Tai Lung shakes his head "I won't, atleast not yet, Dragon Warrior. I have some businesses to take care of" He turns and walks up the stairs. The Bandits, along with po's dads stand aside to let him walk past.

"Should we just let him walk out of here like that?" Zhen asks Po, using her thumb to point towards the leaving snow leopard."I mean, what is the worst he can do now that he isn't out for revenge" The panda replies, shrugging his shoulders.

Meanwhile (Y/n) was in her home, pouring some tea in a small cup. She pauses when she hears rummaging, it sounded like it was near.

Turning around, she finds her old friend bend down on one knee. Tai Lung had his head lowered, not meeting her eyes.

"Tai Lung..." (Y/n) mumbles underneath her breath, taking the few of someone she hadn't seen for so long.

"I have down many reckless and irresponsible things. All I ask for you is your forgiveness, only if you think I deserve it" Tai Lung says, not moving an inch.

(Y/n) stays quiet, not sure what to say. The snow leopard takes the silence as rejection, he was about to get up and walks away.

When he was brought in to en embrace by one other than the (Y/a) "You don't know how much I've missed you"

"I missed you too, my dancer"

[starlostastronaut]

DAY 03 | A STATE OF MIND

PAIRING: bang chan x reader

GENRE: angst, hurt/comfort, eventual fluff

WC: 1.76k

CW: (not only) appearance insecuritues (chan), mentions of hate comments, implied panic attack/mental breakdown (chan), there's crying, and lot of kisses, y/n used like once, chan gets called baby

PROMPT: you're beatiful - the rose

well, the angst is here. trust me to take a cute song and turn it into this lol. i promise it gets better as we go, and i don't really go into much detail, but still mind the cw. i still hope you enjoy <3

title from you're beatiful - the rose

general masterlist here

<< previous | mctc masterlist | next >>

You knocked on the door to the 3RACHA + Hyunjin dorm. Tapping your foot against the ground, you waited for one of the boys to let you in. “Come on, guys, come on,” you murmured, growing more and more impatient with every second that passed. This truly was the worst time to forget your keys at home. But you were in such a hurry to get here that the thought of bringing anything but the absolute essentials, such as your phone or the keys to your own apartment, hadn't crossed your mind until you were halfway to the dorm.

When Changbin called you twenty minutes ago, begging you to come over, you weren’t thinking straight. As soon as Chan's name was mentioned, you grabbed your stuff and ran out the door. Poor Changbin didn't even get to finish what was so urgent, but that didn't matter. You will find out when you go there. What mattered was the fact that something was going on with Chan, and you were too far away from him. So there you were, in the hallway of the Stray Kids’ apartment complex, standing in front of the door like an idiot. Just as you were starting to entertain the thought of busting the door down, the doorknob moved and revealed Minho in a similarly distressed state as you. His hair was messy, his hoodie rumpled, and there were a few faint damp patches around his chest and shoulders.

“Thank god you're here.” Minho let out a sigh of relief, ushering you to come inside and towards Chan's room, not even pointing out the fact that you didn't take off your shoes. Oh, so this was really serious then. Minho was very particular about these sorts of things, so the fact that he now completely ignored one of his precious house rules spoke volumes on its own. Walking through the apartment, you noticed the rest of the members sitting or standing around, looking similarly uneasy. Hyunjin and Jisung paused their murmured conversation with Changbin to give you a small wave as a greeting, which you returned. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Seungmin comforting a crying Jeongin, but before you could inspect the scene further, you were dragged away by Minho. “Yongbok is with him right now, but he keeps asking for you,” the dancer said, placing a hand on your shoulder blade and gently nudging you towards the closed door.

“Um… Do you mind telling me what exactly happened? I kind of rushed here before Changbin got the chance to explain.” You ran your hand through your hair, suddenly feeling a bit awkward.

Minho didn't make a big deal out of it. “It's been a hard few weeks for him. And you know how he is, he never tells us anything and keeps it bottled up. I don't know what set it off, but with the deadlines closing in three days and the haters getting more active lately, I guess it got too much. He broke down about an hour ago, and we don't know what to do,” he explained with the same sad and worried tone he greeted you with. You nodded, and Minho carefully opened the door.

Felix raised his head to the noise, and his eyes sparked up when he saw you. Though it wasn't the usual spark in his eyes, this time it was much more bittersweet. I'm glad you're here, and I'm sorry I can't help more. “Chris, Y/N is here,” Felix whispered in English, gently running his fingers through Chan's hair to make him acknowledge the information.

Watching the whole scene unfold in front of you, you could feel your heart breaking into a million pieces. The two boys were sitting on the bed, Chan cuddled up to Felix. At least he wasn't crying anymore, so that was already a step in a better direction. He still had his face buried in the younger one's chest, though. One of Felix's arms was steadily wrapped around Chan, while the other was now massaging his scalp. Chan looked so small and vulnerable, curled up into a ball like that. You had to fight every urge to run over there, pry him out of Felix's arms, and never let go again. But you knew you had to approach carefully.

Kneeling down next to the bed, you gently ran your hand around Chan's back, letting him know you're here. "Baby," you whispered. “Baby, it's me. Can you look at me, please?’ you said, getting up on the bed as well. Felix gave you a weak smile, and slowly, with so much care, he disentangled himself from Chan, who immediately latched onto you, grabbing you with a force you didn't think he was capable of right now. You didn't even notice Felix and Minho leaving the room; all your attention was focused on your boyfriend the moment you saw him.

“Want to tell me what happened?” you gently asked, hugging Chan tighter when he shook his head, mumbling something about wanting to just hold you for a while. You nodded with a sad smile. “Of course.” He'll tell you later, if he wants to. For now, you would just hold him, knowing that just your presence helped him. He said many times in the past that just being close to you always made him feel better. But now that saying has reached a completely new, heartbreaking level. You watched Chan get comfortable with a stinging pain in your chest. It hurt to see him like this, clinging to you like he's drowning and you're the only thing keeping him above the water.

For a while, you just stayed, intertwined with one another. For the whole time, your fingers gently brushed through Chan's soft curls because you knew it always helped to ground him. As the minutes passed, you felt how Chan's breathing slowly steadied, and he was coming out of his current state. 

Feeling him move, you smiled and helped him into a more sitting position, but you still kept your firm hold on him. Reaching over for the bottles of water Minho brought in some time ago, you handed one to Chan. “Feeling better, baby?”  

He took the bottle and opened it, bringing it to his lips. He set it back down and nodded in response to your question. “I'm sorry… Don't know what…” he mumbled. “The deadlines and comments... It was too much.” 

“Shh, it's okay.” You began stroking his hair again. “They're wrong. Whatever they said to you, they're wrong.”

Chan looked at you. His eyes, always so sparkly and happy, were now heavy with sadness. “They said that I'm not a good leader. That I don't deserve to be an idol because I'm ugly with no talent,” he whispered.

You felt a burst of anger inside you. “Channie,” you said, more insistent this time. One of your hands came to rest on his jaw, your thumb gently caressing his cheek, while the other interlocked your fingers with his, holding his hand tightly. “They're wrong. You're a great leader. No one loves the boys more than you, and we both know you'll do anything for them. You take care of them, of me, of other artists in your company. You protect them when it's needed, and you help them grow and achieve their own success outside of the group. Are those the qualities of a bad leader?” 

Chan shook his head slightly. 

“Exactly. You are the best leader they could ever ask for.” You smiled at him, hoping to convey how much you loved and appreciated him with that one smile. And it might have worked. His face lit up a tiny bit. Blink and you would have missed it, but at this point in your relationship, you were so accustomed to Chan that you sometimes felt like you could read his mind.

“And I don't know who said that other thing, but they need their eyes checked,” you continued. “You are beautiful, Chan, inside and out. From your adorable curly hair..." You reached to kiss the top of his head. “Over your eyes, your nose, your entire face, to your lips.” After every feature, you placed a kiss on that spot, and your heart swelled with happiness when you heard soft giggles coming out of Chan at the fact that he was being showered with kisses all over his face. “And even if the haters don't think that, who cares? Their opinion doesn’t matter. Beauty is much more than looks. It's the personality as well. You have thousands of fans ready to tell you the same because it's true, but you need to believe it yourself. Please try, for me?”

You leaned in to press a final kiss on Chan's lips. When you pulled away, you noticed tears beginning to form in the corners of his eyes. “Oh god no,” you murmured. This was the last thing you wanted to happen. Just as you thought he was getting better, you made him cry again.

“Happy tears. It's happy tears,” Chan quickly said, noticing you getting into your head. “It's okay, you didn't do anything,” he assured you, a small smile creeping up on his face.

“I should be the one telling you that,” you chuckled, cupping his face in your hands and wiping the tears away. 

“Can't have you steal all the spotlight, can I?"

That did get a full laugh out of you. A joke. That meant Chan was coming back. “I'm glad you're feeling better,” you said, your voice sweet and sincere.

“Thank you. For being here and... and helping. I promise I'll try for you,” Chan said, and you lit up at his words. It was going to be a long and difficult road, for sure, but this was already a huge step in the right direction. Then he yawned and snuggled up closer to you. You stroked his back a few times. It was understandable. He was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. “I'll go tell the boys you're okay, and then I'll come back so we can sleep, okay?”

You got a murmured okay in response. Smiling, you gently laid Chan down on the bed and gave him a last kiss into his hair before walking towards the door. When you looked over your shoulder before exiting the room, he was curled to himself just like before, but this time his breathing was slow and steady, his face calm, as his body was finally ready to let go and relax.

taglist: @stayconnecteed @saintriots @vivioluh @ivaneedssleep

©starlostastronaut 2023 | do not repost/translate my work without permission

[burning-sol]

Written ver under the cut :)

[*intro*]

Charlie: What do you remember her looking like?

Grizzly: Well back in highschool, she had very straight long black hair.. Very, know you, like pale skin like.... *fades out*

Kian: You know, nothing changes! (she hasn't changed)

[Kiss me (kiss me), down by the broken treehouse.]

Becky: I didn't uh, I didn't know you'd be here either! I was just..back for the weekend visiting my parents.

[Swing me (swing me), upon its hanging tire.]

Becky: But uh, shit, we' got a lot of catching up to do, huh?

[Bring bring (bring bring), bring your flower hat, we'll take the trail marked on your father's map.]

Kian: 'Actually got invited to a.. You know, sort of a party for tonight if you uh wanna head over there. ..you know, with me?

[Ooo~!]

Becky: Yeah.

[Kiss me, down by the faded warnings.]

Becky: I'm... Supposed to be spending the weekend with my parents but..

Kian: Fuck it right?

[Lead me, out through the crumbling wall.]

Becky: Honestly, they're- Yeah, they're treating me like I'm um, like I'm in highschool again. *chuckles*

[Lift the barricade.]

Becky: So.. I'd really like that

[Strike up the band and make the blowflies dance..]

Kian: Alright, yeah, let's uh.. Let's fucking do it then!

[..SILVER MOON'S DARKENING...]

Kian: See where the night takes us!

Becky: Let's do it.

[..so kiss me.]

[*chipper tune plays*]

Kian: Y-Yo-u just end up wak-wa ki n g  next to some b-b-b-bodies that that that you forget in a few ho u h ours. fa ce- You know faces pass but..

Becky: ..faces pass, 《but hey you're home bound》. *she will not be leaving galloway*

[*song sounds stranger in tone*]

[Kiss me (kiss me), besides the melting tree stumps.]

Kian: I dunno ha-ha-have.... Since you've been home for the weekend,

[Kiss me (kiss me), down on the dead grey grass.]

Kian: -has anything been like weird for you like..? Anything feel strange.?

[Sniff sniff (sniff sniff), it smells so sickly sweet, but everywhere I turn there's ROTTING MEAT..]

Charlie: You can tell she's trying to play it kind of cool but li-like... She seems a little awkward about something.

Becky: Kian Stone.. You nervous?

[Ooo~!]

[Kiss me, down by the bubbling crow skulls.]

Kian: You know for old time's sake, you wanna take a walk? You know, down to Willot street? *he wants to believe*

[Kiss me, beneath the black wet chains.]

Kian: Like we used to, you know. That's kind of what I came here for if you- I-If you're-

[It's impossible..?]

Becky: Yeah!

Kian: Oh you're down? Cool!

Becky: Yeah! Okay, okay.. *she knows she shouldn't*

[I hear the voice of long-dead loved ones calling to leave quickly...]

Becky: Oh man.. Well 《at least there's one good thing》 about being back!

Kian: I'll say...

[..so kiss me.]

[*ominous interlude*]

Becky: *lets out a snicker, sounding like she's working herself up to tearing up* You know shit just happened and i i i i t kept happening and I I I.. You know, 《SIGNED ON》 with -> s o m e  th i n g <-   sh[]  y (I) shouldn't of and t h  e e n-n... I guess I got so caught up in it all.

[Kiss me (hold me), (hold me) the air got cold so quickly (kiss me).]

Becky: Eventually I- I figured it out.. But um... *she hesitates*

[Kiss me (hold me), perhaps we should go in (kiss me).]

Charlie: I-It's quiet. And you feel your eyes pull back to hers.

[Wait wait!! (WAIT WAIT)]

Becky: I didn't know you were waitin'. *she was alone*

[What was your father's name?]

Becky: I didn't know I left you waitin'...... *she lost hope*

[(KISS ME)]

[Why does this map feel just like human skin? (HOLD ME)]

Kian: *reassuring* Hey I mean.. We're here now.

[oooh...]

[KISS ME]

Charlie: She's (already dead) crying man.

Becky: *laughs full of mourning*

[HELP ME (kiss me), beside the boiling tendrils.]

Becky: I.. Even though we both have to go.. 《WHEREVER WE'RE GOING AFTER THIS》..

[HELP ME (kiss me), why do the trees have veins??]

Becky: ..I think we should make this last.

[Are there bugs on me!?? (WAIT WAIT!!!)]

Becky: I think I'm in a memory I want to be making.

[I FEEL THE OOZING CREEPING THROBBING EGGS ALL SHIFTING INSIDE ME..]

Becky: ..you know that feeling?

Kian: Yeah, uh..

[So help me.]

Kian: If you wanna run away..

[..(wait wait)....]

Kian: There's still time.

[Help me.]

Kian: ..right? (..right?)

[..(w a  i tt w a ii t.).....]

[*unsettling interlude*]

BecKY(¿): It's It's It's not all that I mean  I'm sure y ou ou ou .. I'm sure you kno o  *breathes out eerily* w w ..

[*music builds*]

Kian: Uh.. *he doesn't want to believe it*

[*bitb track is introduced, adding to the buildup*]

what remains of rebecca jones: Y-You know I.I... I I I shot my shot!! (she tried her best) *breathes out with a smile*

[*music halts on some disquietening notes*]

[*LOUD DISTORTED NOISE*]

[K I  S S   M E]

[...]

[Kiss me (kiss me), I'm feeling so much better!!]

Charlie: So she's writing this song with you and her behaviour is becoming increasingly st- r  a a n g e  as she's like [Kiss ] flitting through the [m] n n [m] n [me]  otes [Kiss me]  repeatedly and repeatedly [AND I CAN MAKE YOU STRONG] and then like  l-l--looking back to you  like [..hide hide...! (hide hide!!!)] *jumbled* noth  wrong  things were  then like  scribling  sense non on the page.

[I'LL FIND YOU SOON ENOUGH]

she made an honest mistake: This song's al(it hasn't) been inside me and [ ^.^ Your bones will harden and your skin will slough!! \(^.^)/ ] it just wants to (KIAN) GET OUT- OUT- OUT!! *she's pleading*

Kian: Like metaphorically oo o r..?

[OOOooOoOOOO~!!]

[KISS ME. YOU CAN'T ESCAPE FOREVER]

Charlie: You start to notice as you guys are kind of singing it together like testing out the..

[KISS ME. I KNOW YOU'LL LIKE THE CHANGE.]

Charlie: The lyrics and stuff and you flit back your eyes to the page she's writing on.

[THE EGGS WILL FILL YOUR VEINS. LET ME EXPLAIN A SECOND'S PAIN GIVES WAY TO PLEASURES ONLY DREAMED OF.]

Charlie: ..and it feels like the words, the letters are almost 《C CR R A W L ING》 and you blink for a second and she is [SO KISS MEEE] NOT [EE] human. [EE] SH[E] IS SOM[E]THING ELS[E].. [EEE]

[Kiss me...]

Charlie: And you blink again and once again it's you and.. Her.

[Kiss me...]

Charlie: At the base of this tree. And you blink and it's gone-

[kIsS m.e..]

Charlie: -and you just see her nice, very cute legible handwriting again.

[k..s.....e......]

[*music fades out*]

[*the music takes on a hopeful note*]

Becky: *stops his hand* Kian that's uh.. That's really good.... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.... *she leans her head against him* I'm sorry, I didn't know.. (it would turn out this way)

Forgive her: I j-just.. (wanted to be with you one last time)

[Kill me... I won't stay down much longer...]

[Kill me... I'll only wake up stronger...]

[Kill me...]

She's sorry: You know the only thing not so shitty..

[I've opened up the path..]

I'm sorry: About this 《SHITTY TOWN》..

[You'll wake up from this scary dream and laugh..]

Was you: ..is you.

[*song cuts out*]

*END.*

[vodika-vibes]

What I Wish I Knew

Summary: When Master Yoda makes it a requirement for all Jedi Knights to take a Padawan, it means a lot of very young children end up on the front lines of a war. Plo Koon ends up with an eleven year old padawan, and he turns to Commander Wolffe to explain the realities of their situation to her.

Characters: Commander Wolffe, Plo Koon, Young F!Padawan Reader (all platonic)

Word Count: 761

Warnings: Wolffe has a heavy conversation with the reader

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni @imabeautifulbutterfly

A/N: Is a lot of what Wolffe says pulled directly from this song, yes. Yes it is. But it works.

“Commander,” General Koon walks over to him, a pensive look on his face, “I’m glad to see you. I was hoping to get your advice on something.”

“My advice, General?” Wolffe is, understandably, confused at the very idea, “I’m happy to help, of course. But I’m not sure what kind of advice I can give you that you don’t already know.”

“It’s always important to get multiple opinions.” General Koon says lightly, “And this is a matter that you might be better equipped at dealing with than myself.”

“Alright,” Wolffe replies slowly, “Go ahead.”

“You might have noticed,” General Koon starts slowly, thoughtfully, “That my Padawan is very…young.”

That might very well be the understatement of the century. She’s hardly the youngest of the new Jedi Commanders, that particular honor lies at Cody’s feet, who has an 8 year old Jedi Commander and it bothers him a lot.

“She’s not terribly young, sir.” Wolffe says awkwardly.

General Koon chuckles, “True. She’s at least old enough to be a Padawan on her own merits, but she is still very young, Commander. Too young for War. Too young to understand the realities, I think.”

“General, what are you asking me to do?”

“Talk to her. Help her understand.”

“Shouldn’t that be your job?” Wolffe asks.

“I think the lesson will stick better coming from you.” General Koon replies quietly, “Can you do this?”

Wolffe sighs and rubs the back of his neck, “Yeah. Yeah, alright. Just…send her to my office when she finishes with her lessons for the day.”

“Of course…and, Commander, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” Wolffe remains standing there as General Koon walks away, and then he sighs.

Great. How do you explain war to a Cadet who actually has to take part in it? His training did not cover this.

With that thought in mind, he turns on his heels and heads towards his quarters. Hopefully the short walk will make the words magically appear. He’s not hopeful, though. Odds are he’s going to be winging it.

Half an hour later, there’s a knock on his door, and then it slides open, and a small face peeks in.

She’s…young.

So young.

Too young.

Her hair is tied in twin tails. Twin tails that she needs help putting up still. And her face is still rounded with baby fat.

Wolffe knows, logically, that she’s inching towards puberty. He knows human biology after all, but he can’t help but look at her and see a cadet rather than a jedi.

“Master said that you wanted to see me, Wol-...um, Commander.” She asks as she steps into the room and shuts the door behind her, “Did I do something wrong?”

Wolffe opens his mouth, and the words start coming, “I was younger than you are now, when I was given my first command.” He says, and she turns wide, baffled eyes towards his face, “I led my men into a massacre, I witnessed their deaths first hand.”

Her hands curl around her robes…robes that are too big for her.

“I made every mistake.” Wolffe continues as he stares at her, “And even now, to this day, I lie awake knowing that history has its eyes on me.”

“Why are you telling me this?” She asks, her voice wavering slightly, her eyes even wider.

Good. She understands.

Wolffe circles his desk and kneels in front of her, “Let me tell you what I wish I knew, what I wish someone had told me.” He sets his hands on her shoulders. She’s so small, too small. “You have no control over who lives, who dies, or who tells your story at the end.”

She sniffles and her wide eyes fill with tears. 

Wolffe smiles, and tugs her into a light hug, “I know that we can win.” He says quietly, “I know that greatness lies in you. But you have to remember, from here on out, that history has its eyes on you.”

She hastily wipes her eyes, and she blinks up at him with eyes that are a little more haunted than they were moments earlier. A little less innocent. “...Yes Commander, I think I understand.”

“Good girl.”

She offers him a quick bow, and then she scurries out of the room, and Wolffe leans against his desk. Only time will tell how this chat went, but, hopefully, he got through to her.

Hopefully she’ll understand what he meant.

Hopefully General Koon won’t be too mad about what he just taught her.

His head tilts back, history has its eyes on you indeed.

[ashthemadwriter-archived]

When you bite their cheek Ft. BSD

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Pairings: Dazai, Chuuya, Atsushi X Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Humor, Suggestive

Format: Headcanons

Warnings: Very suggestive content on Atsushis part but not actual smut :)

Word Count: 0.8K

A/n: Who else loves biting? hehe~

↬Dazai

Would be the most satisfying to bite out of them since hes a huge tease, using every opportunity to get you flustered. He seriously deserves a lesson.

And beside all of that, be honest with me, who wouldn't wanna bite this handsome jerk? T^T

So oneday, hes sitting on the couch, carefully reading his suicide book as he whispers his suicide song; when you come to him, casually getting on his lap and look at him like a tiger whos watching his prey before starting a feast Lmao.

He notices this and wonders what's on your mind "Hey Bella! What's u-"

And that's when he feels your teeth on his cheek, biting him out of the blue, and definitely not in a gentle way.

Yep you deserve it Dazai! And you have no right to be this tasty you bastard! -_-

Anyway, hes super duper shocked and confused; like, what the hell? This has literally never happened to him! How should he even react!?

When you finally let go of his cheek, he looks at you with his eyes widened and places his hand on the spot you've bitten.

"…What was that for?"

"Just wanted to have a taste…hehe"

Dazai: 0-0

Y/n: :D

Still oblivious but says "Ok…"

That's literally the first time that he looks this innocent to you.

↬Chuuya

He looks so tasty I swear to god.

I'm really curious about his reaction when he finds out that so many people want to lick and bite all over him.

Yup, not just his cheek but lets start with that :)

Anyway…

This guy is the most adorable when he blushes, so you just cant help but want to have a bite.

You haven't seen him all day, so when you see him walking and chatting with Kouyou, you ran toward him.

He notices you but before he can say anything, you suddenly cup his cheek and bite him off.

Poor guy lol

Chuuya. exe has stopped working.

Literally freezes, and not just because of how unexpected your action was; but because C'mon! You did it in front of Kouyou!

When you slowly break contact to look at your masterpiece, and see his surprised reaction, you just cant help but to smile evilly.

"Delicious, hehe"

The guy turns into a tomato as he watches you running away while winking at him; and that's when he hears Kouyou giggling.

"Your girlfriend is a rather naughty one, I see"

Tries to cover up his blush as he thinks about how youre going to be the death of him <3

↬Atsushi

Do I even need to give a reason?

This guy is gold! Hes kind, lovable, respectful, loyal,…

Its really natural want to have a taste of his pretty squishy cheeks <:

But don't you dare leave a mark :') I can never do that to this innocent boy.

Youre both sitting next to each other, scrolling through your phones as your head is on his shoulder; when you come across a tik tok video where boyfriend holds his girls face and bites his cheek and the girl screams and laughs.

Well, youre a grown person and have a lot of needs, so, like, why not? :(

"Um…babe?"

"Yes honey?"

you give him the puppy eyes while slowly getting a hold of his hand, gently rubbing your thumb on his skin.

"Can you… let me… um… like… bite you?"

Ok. He was not ready for that.

You know there are a couple of things you shouldn't say to guys when you don't actually mean it, and "I wanna bite you" is definitely one of them.

Now Atsushi is pure, but when you told him that, he cannot help but to think that you wanna give him a blowjob 🚶🏻‍♀️

Lmao I'm sorry kids but hes a grown man too and he can have dirty thoughts.

So you become very happy when you see his face heat up as he smiles at you "O-oh! Really? O-ok! I mean! If you- Um- Want to!"

He closes his eyes, ready to feel your mouth on his junk, but instead, hes met with your brutal teeth on his cheek.

Lmao why god why.

When he looks at you with pure confusion and a big question mark above his head, you look back at him in the exact same way.

"What? Did it hurt too much?"

And that's when he realizes what going on. "Oooooooooh! you meant real biting…"

And that's when you realize what he was thinking about and your face heats up too.

Yup. He shouldn't have said that out loud.

Both of you are sitting in an awkward silence when you mumble something quietly.

"…What?"

"I said… I can do that too… if… you want me too…"

The rest is not suitable for children so I'm gonna stop right here :D

Reblogs and comments are wildly appreciated! :>

[spasmsofthought]

split open, i'm going down (j.s. x reader)

Warnings: Angst, mention of losing a parent to cancer

The title comes from the song “circle the drain” by Soccer Mommy.

Please excuse any spelling and grammar mistakes and tense changing. Also there are probably some military/Navy inaccuracies if you look for them.

Please give me all your thoughts and feelings. This one wasn’t just for me, it’s for you too. (How do we feel about reconcilation? Is there a way they can get back together? Does Jake deserve it?)

also, I've always pictured Jake's mom as the most wholesome, sweetest human being who would adopt anybody in a second, so.... that seeps through in this part.

Happy Saturday! Enjoy and all my love xo 

If you’ve missed the previous installments: 

Part 1 / Part 1.5 

+++

You softly knock on the apartment door three times. 

It’s an intimidating thing, standing here by yourself. 

In the times you’d been to Jake’s apartment previously, it had always been with him. You’ve never had to worry about being on the opposite side of the door from him before. 

The silence seems to echo your knocks, and you wait a few more seconds to see if the door will swing open on the first go around. 

You’re not a very patient person by nature, so waiting for him to come to the door feels like an acute kind of torture. You begin to anxiously roll your ankles as you stand there, fiddling with the item in your hands. You had found it stuffed down in the very bottom of your dirty laundry basket. When the realization came that you needed to give it back (not just to return something lost, but purge it from your life) all you could do was sink down and press your head to the floor, stifling the urge to cry. 

You knock again, a little louder this time. You tried texting, but all your texts were left unread and unanswered. You tried calling too, but it went straight to voicemail, and you had figured out enough by then to know not to leave a message. This was the last thing you had wanted to do after the unspoken break-up, but with no way to directly contact Jake to give him the one shirt he had let you keep, you were left with no other option. 

You begin to step back to head down the hall, resigning to finding a thrift shop on the way home where you could give the t-shirt away as a donation, right as the doorknob is fiddled with, slightly shaking and rotating, before the door quickly swings open on its hinges. 

But it’s not Jake standing in the doorway.

Instead, it’s a middle-aged woman. She has a wide mouth and there are slight crow’s feet around her eyes. 

“Oh, hi,” Her eyes slightly widen, you can’t tell if she’s surprised or taken aback, before returning to normal, “How can I help you?” 

“Oh, um,” You step forward, just slightly, holding the flimsy piece of fabric out in front of you with one hand, “I came to give this back to Jake. Is he around?” 

She smiles softly. “You’re the one he won’t tell me about.” 

Your brows furrow but you choose not to answer. The woman tries again. 

“You’re the one he’s seeing, and I know he’s been trying to hide it from me. Jake’s always been one to keep things close to his chest when they mean a lot to him.” She smiles softly, her eyes glazing over with memories you can’t see. Her hands finally reach to collect the t-shirt you’ve been holding out to her in your hand. 

There’s a violent crack suddenly splitting the heart you’ve spent weeks putting back together into two separate pieces. The jagged edges from the break scrape your throat as the words come out, “We’re not seeing each other anymore.” 

Your watch unnamed emotions roll over the woman’s face, taking in the tone of your voice and the painful expression probably clearly displayed on your face, and the assumption you reach is that Jake not only didn’t tell her about the relationship, if that’s what it even was, but he obviously hadn’t told her about how you both had split ways either. (Although it’s more like Jake deserted you and you just decided to pack up and try to move on.) 

You have to grab her phone from her hand as she's pulling it from her pants pocket before she does something like call Jake,

“Please don’t,” Your voice comes out as firmly as it can, despite the tears gathering in your eyes and down your throat. It feels a little harder to breathe now. You feel exposed, standing in front of her like this.

The woman is staring at you, eyes darting between your face and the phone in your hand.

“I’m really trying my best to leave all of this behind me, and the only reason I came here today is because he won’t answer my texts or calls. I haven’t seen him in weeks, and I really don’t want to see him now. Do you understand?”

You slowly hold out the hand holding this woman’s phone and she tentatively grabs it and puts it in her pocket.

“Oh honey,” Her arms softly wrap around you in a hug.

It takes everything in you to keep from sobbing into her shoulder. You thought you had been making progress and now it just feels like your heart has been ripped open all over again. Coming here was a bad idea It not only resurfaces memories of Jake, it resurfaces memories about your own mom.

She pulls away after a long moment. She has Jake’s eyes and gives you the same kind of warm, safe feeling you felt when your mom hugged you.

“Listen,” She scrambles down the hallway and you avoid looking into the apartment, her voice echoing as you can her rustling around for something. You don’t want to know what has changed or what has stayed the same. You keep your eyes on the ground. “I know you don’t know me. My name’s Sheila, I'm Jake's mom, and this is my number. It may be strange, especially because we never met while you and my Jake were together, but know that you can text or call me if ever you need anything.”

There are ten digits scribbled in pretty cursive writing across a blank piece of paper. You take the paper and hold it in between your fingers for a second before you fold it and put it in the back pocket of your jeans.

Jake never told you about his mom, though you told him plenty about how yours had died from cancer when you were just a teenager.

“Thank you,” You say, your nerves beginning to fray just slightly. “Um, I really just came by to drop off the shirt, so I really should…” You gesture towards the area where the elevators and stairway are.

“Of course, of course,” Shiela's voice grows a little louder and echoes against the hallway walls as you begin to head towards the elevators. “Seriously, text or call if you ever need anything. ”

---

The color of the ocean used to be something you could stare at for hours. You could just watch the still movement of the water passing by from the deck or from any porthole or window available to see through on the various ships you had called home throughout your deployments. By the end of this one, however, you’re ready for a break. You want to go somewhere far away from the color blue, from water, from all of it.

The measly letter he had given to you via your dormmate sits on the small desk in your tiny dorm and collects dust for the rest of your time at sea. You hadn’t wanted to store it with your personal things, which included pictures from your family and letters from Shiela. You assumed she had never told him that you had met her and had stayed in contact with her all these years. And you're not going to mention it now, not to Jake. You don't want to give him another way to try and accomplish whatever it is he's trying to do with you.

The rage you feel towards Jake is what pulls you through the last few weeks on the ship, which pisses you off even more.

After years of only hearing about him via word of mouth, he has the audacity to pull this kind of stunt?

He couldn’t have just left you alone and been on his merry way, far away from you?

You take your time gathering your things before assembling at gangway with all your fellow sailors. The disembarking with its ceremony and process takes some time, but soon enough you're on solid ground after months of being at sea. Getting back your land legs is your least favorite thing after a deployment.

It's not hard to find Jake, not when you know how he looks now. He’s situated towards the edge of the humongous crowd, so you have to struggle and push through the groups of sobbing partners and cheering children and smiling parents to do this. It only riles you up more, hardening your heart and tensing your muscles. Almost like your mind is telling your body: brace for impact.

Your seabag drops onto the pavement with a loud thud, and you let the sound echo as Jake turns around, pulling himself away from a conversation with what looks like a fellow aviator. It’s been years since you’ve been this close to him, but you’re already starting to feel the pull of his magnetic field.  

Think of him without forgiveness, is the mantra you’ve been repeating to yourself since you spotted him and started to make the long walk over. You're going to get this over with and then hopefully never see or hear from him again.

He seems a little taller since the last time you saw him, a week before you sat down and wrote that goodbye letter to him in his apartment. But you are taller now, too, and there’s less of a distance to close this time around.

Jake’s face is stoic, but you can tell you’ve piqued his curiosity. You know he assumes that you would rather choose to avoid conflict, that you don’t have the guts; they’re assumptions based on how he knew you before. But he hasn’t been there to see how your time in the Navy has changed and grown you.

“What the hell is this?” You hold the folded piece of paper, with a measly five words written on it, in your hand, waving it around in the air. 

The man never claimed to be a poet, but come on. 

Jake doesn’t say anything. No confessions of sorrow or repentance. If he had wanted a chance to try and patch things up, smooth things over, this would have been his real opportunity. This would have been his moment to shine. Instead, he says nothing. 

His expression doesn’t change, eyes remaining steady on you. Unwavering. If you didn’t know better it would almost look like a perusal of sorts, or maybe like he’s drinking you in.

But you do know better. 

You take a few steps closer and despite the raucous noise of the families and friends greeting their loved ones, and the heavy, overwhelming smell of the sea and metal from the ship, a sharpness of longing pierces your heart. A thought of what it would have been like if things had played out differently. If you had been wiser, if you had held on longer. 

If Jake hadn’t been such a selfish asshole.

The anger is back, swiped away by something else for a quick second, and it’s the fuel you need to get through the next words coming out of your mouth. 

“I don’t want it.” You press the paper hard against his chest, his hand moving to keep it there before it flies away with the wind as you pull your hand away. The breeze pushes against his back while you’re mostly protected from it as you stand in front of him.

You step back and move to turn away, but Jake’s words stop you. “It’s yours.” 

It’s been a long time since you’ve heard his voice, longer still since it’s been directed at you. 

His voice is weathered, weary. Rough like a piece of worn leather. 

You turn back around to him and allow yourself one moment of weakness. Just one. 

One long glance at his face, in his eyes. 

Jake does look older, despite this idea you had when you were together that he would retain his youthfulness and bachelor lifestyle far beyond what was normal. He looks like he’s carried the weight of the world at least once since he hung you out to dry. 

Good, your inner monologue thinks, maybe he’s finally had to grow up a little. 

“God, even after all this time, you still refuse to listen to me. I don’t want this,” You scoff and then snort, the outrage escaping you. You don't want to keep it, not when it had mocked you from its space on your desk for the past several weeks. “It’s yours.” 

“It’s something you deserved from me a long time ago,” There’s finally a crack forming in his expression. The straight line of his mouth tips down and the space between his eyebrows furrows ever so slightly. You’ve never seen his face take this shape before, so you don’t know what to do with it. 

You tried to give yourself a week when you walked out of his apartment for the last time. A week to cry and eat an unlimited amount of dessert and watch bad romcoms and bad thrillers and bad action movies. A week to linger in the damage Jake did to your relationship. A week to watch the part of your heart that had housed him turn to ash and rubble. (It ended up being much longer.)

Then you tried to move on, and you promised yourself you would never cry over him again. 

You know you’re going to have to hightail it to an empty space in the next few moments when you feel the hot tears filling your eyes and blurring your vision. You cry when you’re sad, but you also cry when you’re angry. You hate it but you can’t help it. You have to blink hard a few times to push them back. 

“You don’t know anything about what I deserve,” You take the same steps back toward him that you did just a few minutes ago. It’s always been like this, you moving toward him while he stays in the same place. Even now, when it’s been years and you two are on more level ground, he still waits for you to come to him. “And if you even had the slightest idea, you would know I deserve much more than that.” 

You gesture one last time to the pathetic excuse of a letter he gave you via your dormmate that he’s still holding against his chest. And then you turn around, grab your seabag from its place sitting on the cement, and walk away.