#the urge to rewrite this is insane

[e-adlirez]

Crystal Fairies (good god)

Soooo in the battle between plans (a doodle for Treasure Seekers and the review for Legend of the Maze) and pure impulse (a deranged rant explaining why Crystal Fairies is bad)

Plans won wait a minute wth--

Well uh this is awkward :D

So Crystal Fairies. I've mentioned it once or twice on this blog. Specifically my crippling disappointment/hatred (? hate's a bit strong but dislike is too mild) towards it. You wanna watch me rant about why it's so painfully mid for thirty-ish minutes? You've come to the right place :D if you wanna peep the insanity yourself (despite my recommendation against it), here's an Archive copy for the mid-ness. Now without further ado, feel free to proceed below the cut to peep my insanity :D

When the book first came out on shelves and I picked it up out of curiosity, this is the first thing I saw on the back of the book:

-

Where have all the crystals gone?

The Thea Sisters are about to head off on their separate family vacations when they receive a call from Will Mystery. Once again, there is trouble in one of the imaginary kingdoms! A crack has been discovered in a map in the Hall of Roses.

The mouselets head to the Crystal Kingdom, where a dragon has been wreaking havoc all over the land. He has been turning all of the precious gems into stone and leaving a path of destruction wherever he goes. Can the sisters figure out why the dragon is destroying the Crystal Kingdom and stop him before it's too late?

-

Cool, right? I'm not gonna lie, that summary hits very hard. It slaps, even. Therefore I bought it and read it for myself.

That was truly the choice ever :D I don't regret it (my collector's ass would've regretted not buying it), but it was truly the choice ever :D

I crunched the entire thing in one sitting, and when I finished, I remember 2018!me said/thought, "that's it?"

It's... very underwhelming as a book. Like, underwhelming enough that it's the closest equivalent I have to my Malaysian friends' vitriol towards Rainforest Rescue (or rather, MIDforest MIDscue)(no it wasn't racist or stereotypical, it was just so painfully culturally mid/plain/generic/basic it pissed them off lmao). It's painfully underwhelming, and when you think about the potential and what we could've gotten from it, it would probably piss you off even more :D

An old 2018 post has described the illustrations as "like the DM has had it with the entire thing", but I'd like to argue that the entire book campaign feels like the writer (or DM in this Dungeons and Dragons analogy) ran outa ideas and slapped random stuff together with a rough approximation of assistance from a geology book to make some semblance of a coherent story.

As for the story, that's what the next section is gonna attempt to summarize without dissolving into spite :D

So finals just wrapped up and the girls are ready to go on vacay, when Will calls them through Thea's Seven Roses Unit cell (which she has in the student lounge the girls are in for some reason) to ask for help. Something something, I guess the girls weren't far enough into their vacay plans for this to be an issue because they canceled their flights and stuff almost immediately to get themselves airdropped to Antarctica for a new mission. (Wondering how that works for Violet tho, she was about to go to Europe to ride the Orient Express with her fam--)

What's the situation, you may ask? Well, the Crystal Kingdom's map in the Hall of Seven Roses looks like someone chucked a rock into it, which means shnit's going down :D and the Crystal Kingdom has sent their own SOS to the Unit in the form of a glowy opal that uses colors ✨ to portray its message.

The opal's red and faded so obviously it means things are doing really bad over there. This makes my color theory newbie ass die inside :D

Turns out the Crystal Kingdom (take a shot every time I force myself to type it out /j) is the fantasy world the SRU's database has the least intel about. As clearly evidenced by this sprawling data screen.

Okay fine there are no photos but like, this is still a lot. A lot of info that you don't really need to remember :D

The girls hop on the Magic Schoolbus TARDIS Crystal Elevator and head into the Crystal Kingdom. Their first stop? This island in the middle of bumf%$k nowhere :D

After a bit of trying and failing to roll a Perception and Investigation skill check (and a buncha smol fish T-posing to serve as an invisible barrier at the corners of the world), the squad mopes around a bit until they meet this blue fish that tells them that Joystone Castle is expecting them :0! Soon, he starts leading them down this invisible Wavy Path hidden just under the waves of the Sapphire Sea and leads to the mainland, along the way noting the strong current leading to the Stone of the Deep, a beeg magic gemstone that creates this maelstrom that wrecks things that get close to it but is also feared respectfully as some sort of creator-destroyer force of nature-- oh Violet just popped her nat1

Yeah Vi straight-up falls into the water and ends up being dragged into the current and the girls can't go and get her because duh, that's like swimming into a riptide, they ain't doing that. So the blue fish hurries off to get some help, Will gets impatient after a few minutes and dives in, instantly regrets it but is saved by the Current Carnelians (the only fish in the kingdom that can swim in that current), and soon they ratgrab Violet out of the maelstrom. Great start to the campaign :D

Anyway so first stop is the Emerald Forest, filled with some generic fae ranger McGees-- Iiiii mean Emerald Forest fairies who lead the squad in the direction of Joystone Castle while discussing the current situation. Apparently there's been a dragon flying around causing shenanigans and turning precious gems into stone with his fire, and Queen Tourmaline's been Sleeping Beauty-ed, and so far nothing has been able to wake her up. Speaking of the dragon :D

The dragon's in the east side of the forest wreckin' shnit up and turning trees into stone with fire, and the girls suggest capturing it. Capturing a fire-breathing behemoth with a trap made of flammable tree branches, with the bait being this effervescent emerald from one of the fairies that moisturizes your skin and gives it that glow to reveal your inner beauty-- (/j)

Anyway so that goes about as well as a Grass-type Pokemon trainer challenging a Fire-type gym, and one of the fairies gets KOed from it. Don't worry, she got better. After.... whatever the hell this is.

Moving on, the girls get some directions to the next stop, hear some cues and clues that the dragon "may not be as evil as he seems ✨" before being warned about the Narcissus crystals, or the Rocky Crystal Path. Oh and something about a Blue Topaz and a Lapis Falls or wutever

Anyway so the girls go to the Narcissus crystals, carefully eye Colette-- Vi why did you pop your nat1 again you already did that the first time and you're not even the ones the girls are concerned about for this bit-- make the dumb decision of putting Colette at the back of their line without anyone keeping an eye on her, and thus Colette gets Narcissus-ed and ends up straying from the path. While doing that, Colette bumps into this crazy crystal castle and this knight named Petrus. They strike up a bit of a conversation, Petrus mentions how his knight club (the Knights of the Crystal Rock) are holding down the fort in their area but weren't able to beat the dragon's ass, and then he offers to bring Colette back to the others. Also something about the dragon looking for something--

Meanwhile back with the other girls, everything is in shambles. The girls are frantic, Nicky is distraught because she was right in front of Colette (instead of behind her so I say it's sTILL kinda her fault--), but Colette strolls back over with Petrus's help and everything is fine yippee onto the Blue Topaz

The Blue Topaz has this golden needle up top that works on "no u" rules: you go one way, the needle points the opposite way. That puzzle is dealt with real quick with the help of some seabords flying overhead and onto the Lapis Falls.

The Lapis Falls has the guardian fairies guarding the secret entrance to Joystone Castle, but their gimmick is that they bathe in the falls everyday to stop themselves from "tarnishing", at the cost of losing their memories. The girls deal with that real quick with the glowy opal, and they are soon boated off to the castle's underground entrance at the... Semiprecious Stones Spring.

(You're gonna notice a pattern here, and that pattern is the names being specifically designed to give any dungeon master and fantasy writer a brain aneurysm.)

They pop into the castle, the castle staff welcome them in and explain the whole situation: apparently the dragon's been destroying enough shnit that he's made a whole-ass new biome in the kingdom, the Stone Desert, which has stretched all the way up against the castle's Quartz Wall. As for Tourmaline, none of the wise men from all over the kingdom could figure out a way to wake her up, and the castle staff just found her Peter-Griffined on the throne room floor with her fancy ruby bracelet turned to stone and the center stone of her royal scepter smashed to pieces. Said center stone is an amber "made of pure sunlight", by the way.

The girls peep them clues and think that the dragon must've been there, but uh he too beeg, how the hell did he get into the throne room and out without causing any damage? Anyway so everyone's very lost on what to do-- there's a dragon flying around destroying things and gaining power in its destruction, and the monarch of the kingdom is Peter-Griffined in bed. What do?

Look into a possible solution to wa consult Google.

There is this wise fairy named Amethyst who lives in Light Mountain (it's a big-ass hill of glowing gems) and has this giant Himalayan salt lamp-lookin' ass gem called the Query Crystal, which is basically magical Google, if you could only look up one thing once and you can't use it again. The group is sent out to go to Light Mountain and ask to consult Amethyst's Google Search crystal for advice on the situation.

Oh and if you're wondering why the castle staff couldn't go themselves, every single creature in the Crystal Kingdom has this weird gimmick where they can't leave the place they "guard" or reside in. Like I dunno, I guess they're magically condemned to the life of a couch potato. How did this kingdom survive and drive off an invasion war again--

Also this is the map of the Crystal Kingdom. Beautiful, isn't it? Cartographers in the chat, are your eyes bleeding?

The squad moves out, plays some hopscotch on a Citrine River that seems to be the only line of defense between the girls and Light Mountain, climb Light Mountain without much of a struggle, and consult Google with six questions, one for each person.

Google Search gives its answers, which are:

The dragon's name is Goldfire named after his golden scales (Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way soundin' ass) and he's under a spell from an evil wizard

Goldfire's looking for a specific gemstone and will not stop hyperfixating until he gets it

Tourmaline's under a spell from the same wizard, and the only thing that can remedy this is the Sweet Awakening Gem

DEAL WITH THE DRAGON FIRST YOU NIMRODS--

You wanna protecc but not attacc? Go to Microsoft Bing the Ancient Amber Tree, it's where the amber made of sunlight is from

You really wanna go to the Ancient Amber Tree in the Eternal Woods to get this goss my guy it's the only place you can get goss this juicy

So the girls head on over down the Night Gems Path to go down this secret tunnel, and they find the Eternal Woods. Which is obviously an enchanted woods with some wack enchanted trees that immediately ratgrab the entire squad, with this GIF to illustrate somewhat accurately what that looked like.

A Golden Elf shows up tho to amend the situation and tells the trees to put the rats down, bad tree

After that little misadventure, the girls are taken to the Golden Elves' ruler Lord Arbor, who turns out to be a (respectful) Tourmaline simp and drops his whole "the Ancient Amber Tree is very sacred I can't let you near it" shtick the moment he hears about Tourmaline's coma, to help the girls deal with the situation and stop the dragon and wake up the queen.

Bing does get some answers that Google didn't: turns out the Sunlight Amber (the royal scepter's centerpiece, remember?) was part of a pair: the Sunlight Amber and the Star Amber (no not Starlight Amber, just Star Amber. Are you crying yet?). These two are very unique... becaaaauuussseee an evil wizard trapped a whole-ass fairy in one of them :D her name is Esmeralda and she's stuck in the Star Amber.

Esmeralda is no ordinary fairy, tho. See, her fiance is Diamond, the Lancelot of the Knights of the Crystal Rock and the right hand of the previous monarch Eliodoro. This evil wizard guy managed to get to him, and Diamond was transformed into the dragon Goldfire and was trapped in the Sunlight Amber. The wizard then set it so the dragon would bust out of his gemstone prison in 200 full moons (approximately 16.1697 years/16 years and 2 days) to wreak havoc on the Crystal Kingdom, slapped it onto a pretty scepter, and gave it to the king while disguised; and the king liked it so much that he basically turned it into part of the royal regalia. And there may or may not be something along the lines of a corruptive influence that made Goldfire do the stuff he did. Maybe. (You're gonna see why I'm unsure later)

Either way, sixteen years after being trapped, Goldfire is now out and searching for the Star Amber so he can reunite with his fiance. He was last seen flying over the Desert of Rocks and Dust, a horribly dangerous place one does not simply go to without a good reason for doing so; so the girls are given a ride to go there. Oh and Will gets loaned this gold dagger that kinda works on... Caliburn/Excalibur? Mjolnir? rules?? It's totally OP and can cut through anything, but you can only use its power by being a big brave boi doing big brave boi things that would airdrop you into the Lawful Good alignment in an instant.

Literally the moment they land in the desert and their rides leave, a sandstorm scoops them up and plops them back down in another spot of the desert: an obsidian Orbeez pool pebble pit that acts like a denser ball pit. Will uses his backpack for the first time in the entire series and pulls out a rope, lassoes a nearby boulder, and gets the group out of the pebble pit.

Except the boulder he used to anchor himself and the girls to get them out was actually a Stone Troll.

The place they drop at is the Stone Trolls' pad actually, and they don't like intruders, sooooooooooooo the squad got captured and taken to their prison in the Stone Circles. (What is this, Stonehenge?)

In the prison, they meet this lil' leprechaun man named Piro, who's been there for uh, I have no idea, and he's given up trying to escape at that point because of how unbreakable these trolls made their damn prison for just in case an intruder strolls up to their pad.

Anyway Piro gives them the goss about the Dark Fairies, these morally ambiguous (cOUGH COUGH THEY'RETOTALLYNOTEVIL) girlypops who wrote too much in their diaries about just how annoying and perfect and beautiful and so damn nice and perfect the good girl fairies are that it turned them evil-ish. Apparently they just captured a dragon with gold scales, and one thing to note about the Dark Fairies is that they and the Stone Trolls feud like they're from Mean Girls.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

So the squad plus Piro come up with a plan: they're gonna pull a prank on the Dark Fairies by casually releasing their most recent catch. Piro casually chats with the troll wardens about the Dark Fairies' recent victory and suggests the idea of the prank to them, and the Stone Trolls respond by being like "okay we're gonna escort you to the Dark Caves to pull off this prank", and take them to the Dark Caves, the Dark Fairies' pad. Then they convince the trolls to hide and let them take care of the prank so they can escape their operation isn't busted right away. The trolls surprisingly comply knowing that they can trust the Dark Fairies to absolutely lose their shnit at this prank, and Piro takes that moment to escape and go back home because y'know, he's bound to his hometown for some reason.

The squad stealth missions their way into the heart of the winding caves and find Goldfire bound in thick iron cables that he can't melt or bite or claw through so he's just left to ">:[" about it. He's initially very "I DON'T NEED NO HELP DAMMIT >:[", but the girls manage to talk him into letting them help after revealing that they know about Esmeralda and the Star Amber. Turns out Goldfire is lucid and sentient, and he retains his memories as Diamond? Why does he have the name Goldfire in the first place? He's even surprised that they know his name Goldfire?? Why does he have the name in the first place??? Why was he destroying the Crystal Kingdom in the first place when he was awake and aware of what's going on and had control over what he was doing????

clears throat ANYWAY the squad needs to get Goldfire out without the Dark Fairies stepping in and potentially capturing the squad too, so the plan is Nicky, Pam and Colette aggro the three Dark Fairies to kite them around their own caves; while Paulina, Violet and Will stick around to put a dent into Goldfire's restraints. Will takes a minute or two to figure out how to use the gold dagger, which he does figure out eventually. Colette, Pam and Nicky do end up getting captured (fr being able to fly as a fairy in general is busted in field coverage </3 /j), but Will manages to get the job done in time for Goldfire to fully bust out. The Dark Fairies lose their shnit, try and fail to re-restrain him, and realize that there're three more rats in their caves that they gotta deal with.

Violet I swear to god these fairies literally have obsidian spears and flails this is a nat1 you can't afford to roll-- Will do something please Vi's about to dieded boi-- Will accidentally trips and drops the gold dagger by accident.

Which turns out to be a good thing, because the moment the Dark Fairies peep the gold dagger, they immediately back down and pledge neutrality (or allegiance, whichever you prefer). Turns out that in Crystal Kingdom politics, Arbor is the gigachad-est of gigachads, and the gold dagger is like, a call card of his almost, so the Dark Fairies are not gonna be messing around with an ally of Arbor that managed to get his gold dagger. The fairies allow them to leave with Goldfire, and the squad flies out on Goldfire's back, yippee!

Goldfire flies the squad over to this white desert where this Circle of Intense Light can supposedly break any and every curse that anyone happens to be unfortunately saddled with. Why didn't he go there right away? Well, he was looking for the Star Amber, where Esmeralda is.

Speaking of which, he has the amber with him. He found it in the Swamp of Forgotten Dreams, the most dangerous and evil place in all of the Crystal Kingdom, and was actually on his way to the Circle when he got dragon-ratgrabbed by the Dark Fairies. Soooooooo he goes into the circle of light with a bit of emotional pep talk from Paulina, and out of the circle emerge Diamond and Esmeralda, uncursed and put back into their normal forms, YIPPEEEEE

So that's the dragon dealt with. Seems like we're all done here, right?

NOPE WE STILL GOTTA GET THAT SWEET AWAKENING GEM FOR THE QUEEN

Now here's the part of the book called "power of friendship incarnate exposed", where Esmeralda proves that she is literally the most overpowered character in the entire series. Need to go to the Jade Jungle and consult the gem's guardian Fang the massive wolf? No worries, Esmeralda actually met him as a smol child and they became close friends! Need to do a trial to prove themselves where they have to go into the Ruby Caves' labyrinth to borrow the fabled Blood Ruby from the Ruby Fairies living in the caves? Don't sweat it, the shy Ruby Fairy they meet and Esmeralda actually have some history together, and the fairy (her name is Rubix btw) decides to help the squad through the labyrinth and get the Blood Ruby to go! Complete with a free ride back to the Jade Jungle! How nice!!

Yeah Esmeralda let them breeze through this last bit of plot.

As for Diamond, man was lowkey angsting about the destruction he caused as Goldfire, and Nicky, Pam and Violet reassure him that it wasn't entirely his fault and he can make things right now.

By climbing a beeg shiny tree to collect an Alabaster Fruit for their trial. Cool redemption arc Diamond, you've got this 👍

The squad plus the lovebirds go back to Fang, and Fang allows them to enter the Jade Village, where the Jade Fairies and their queen Selenite is vibing with the Sweet Awakening Gem. They trade their 1x Alabaster Fruit and 1x Blood Ruby for the 1x Sweet Awakening Gem, and they head on back to Joystone to wake the queen up. The Joystone fairies have a happi reunion with Esmeralda, Diamond is still a little bit ":(" about the whole destruction thing

SO WHY DID HE DESTROY THAT STUFF IN THE FIRST PLA--

Tourmaline wakes up like "what year is it", she gets spedrun through the like, week she was eeping, and after she personally thanks the SRU squad for coming in clutch.

And then cool castle party the squad is invited to yay-- wait how the hell are so many people here from so many different corners of the kingdom didn't you just say that you can't leave your hometowns? Is Joystone the exception here is there something that keeps them perfectly fine at Joystone despite being so far from their homes what the hell is this why aren't you explaining anything book I NEED ANSWERS--

Tourmaline and Arbor get to give the shippers something to raise an eyebrow at, the girls have a good time, and the next day they gotta go home. They get a ride back to the crystal elevator, elevator back to the SRU HQ, get surprised by the little photo album the fairies snuck into Will's bag, and then the girls get a ride home, the end.

Wait what about their vacations is Vi still gonna go to Europe to see her parents--

And that's the book. Oh my god where do I begin :D

Now for the rest of this review I'm gonna be addressing the Crystal Kingdom as Cristallia/Crystallia, the world's original Italian name because if you've seen my Geronimo Stilton 101 guide, you would notice that even in that slideshow where I tried to be as objective as possible, I refused to label the world as "Crystal Kingdom" because of how mid it is in comparison -m-

Anyway so this book has so many plot holes that an old road full of potholes looks pristine in comparison.

First of all, the question I asked at the end of the summary. In the book's second chapter, Vi tells her parents something like "hey uh something came up you might end up having to start without me". Then when she gets back to Whale Island, it's like... they just forgor about the summer vacay thing. They were only in Crystallia for like three days and that's in Crystallia time-- we dunno if time in Crystallia runs at the same pace as the real world's time, so like we can just play by Narnia rules and it'd be perfectly fine! They kinda left out how fantasy-to-reality times work anyway, so they're free to just.... do whatever the hell they want with it! It would've been fine! I bet Crystallia has even less restrictions for its timekeeping since it's not magically attached to a real-world country like Erin and Minwa.

Second, for a world about crystals or gemstones, gemstone and crystal lore are very... underutilized in this one. They mentioned this world dabbles in gemstones, stones, and metallurgy, and those names you saw in the summary are the best they could do?? Yeah there is lore stuff for the Stone of the Deep and the Effervescent Emeralds and the Semiprecious Stones Spring and the Amber Twins and Arbor's dagger, but it's all just a buncha nothing. Just stuff about the gem being [insert thing]'s purest essence, which is... eh.

What does that mean? We never find out :D

Then there's....... everything about the plot. Oh my god.

For one, I dunno if this falls under nitpick or not, but the glowy opal or the "light-emitting opal" as it's officially called is.... I don't like how it's used or portrayed here :D For one, why the hell does red immediately mean "WEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOO" and having it so its faded immediately makes it "WEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOO"? It's like saying that blue symbolizes errrrhhhhh the ocean and nothing else. Color versatility, people. Colors can mean different things and even have multiple meanings in the same place. Also it's just used as an excuse for the group to have an actual Crystallia infodump at the start, and boy is it the infodump ever.

The origin of the opal is weird, too-- we know that the opal is from Joystone, but how did it end up in the SRU? The SRU barely knows jackshnit about Crystallia, so it couldn't have been a Land of Flowers situation where both parties know each other and are on good terms. The implication is Crystallia's citizens found the crystal elevator and plopped the gemstone in there to send to the SRU, but how did the citizens find it in the first place? How did they know that the elevator was more than just a weird pavilion in the middle of nowhere? What exactly made them trust the SRU despite not knowing anything about them (presumably, the SRU doesn't know much about Crystallia so it's reasonable to assume vice versa)? Were they expecting someone to answer their call for help? How did they get the opal to the damn elevator in the first place with the whole citizens-being-bound-to-their-guard-posts situation? Did they just pass it along all the way to the elevator? If they did, how did that damn blue fish along the Wavy Path finish the chain and put the gem in the elevator??? Why is this world being so trusting of strangers? Aren't they just recovering from a war?

Then there's the meat of the whole thing: the perpetual fetch quest. The girls are literally just... being Crystallia's errand girls. Joystone's fairies couldn't leave Joystone because of the (INCREDIBLY STUPID) bound-to-their-posts thing, so the girls walk on over to consult magical Google Search for them. Then Google search sends them on more fetch quest stuff-- from going to the Eternal Woods for the extra goss, to looking for Goldfire, to the entire last act of the book, which was literally a fetch quest arc. In the wise words of Alice Liddell from American McGee's Alice: Madness Returns,

"Everyone here has an excuse for doing nothing."

(RIP to Alice Asylum btw, my condolences to those in the fanbase)

I don't like the Query Crystal and the Ancient Amber Tree's gimmick in this story-- this is a mystery-solving plot and you're telling me that your solution to the entire plot is consulting magical Google??? For shame, they didn't even make things vague enough to have a bit of unresolved mystery shenanigans like with the Blue Pearl from Treasure of the Sea -m-

It feels like an excuse to send the girls on their way to where the mystery is-- kinda like the massive plot hooks dungeon masters give to their players-- but bro, this ain't a DND campaign, and we readers like to think that we're not stupid :/

Then there's the obligatory puking screaming and crying at friendship prophet moment when... this

Something something the fairies explained to the girls that that's what their effervescent emeralds are capable of, insert Colette making a remark about the Power of Friendship eugh

Well, at least it's not Violet.

Thinking about it more and come to think of it, this entire plot hinges on plot contrivances. A bajillion plot contrivances.

There just so happens to be a maelstrom Vi falls into that just so happens to have one species of fish that can swim in that super-dangerous maelstrom. There just so happens to be 3(637125) gemstones that have a thing for purity or have some pointless lore to them. There just so happens to be a magical gimmick in the world that conveniently prevents the fairies from solving their problems themselves by consulting magic Google. There just so happens to be a magical Google that exists for some reason-- two of them, actually! There just so happens to be a race of evil-coded fairies that captured the dragon so the girls could find him, and a character that just so happens to be friends with everyone.

You prolly get the picture at this point, the entire plot hinges on plot contrivances that are just way too convenient.

There're probably a lotta other things about the plot that my running-on-6-hours-of-sleep ass forgor to mention, but I think I covered most of the bases I wanted to cover sooooooo there you go gwuh

Might make addendums if I wanna add more, but all in all, Crystal Fairies is wasted potential at its finest, and that pisses me off :D

Like c'mon, this is a fantasy world who dealt with a war in their backstory! You'd think they could've leaned into that more or at least hearkened back to it a little more if they were going to reveal it in the briefing before the girls actually get into the adventure itself!! Maybe a little more lore into the evil wizard who attempted to conquer Crystallia or something!!

But nah, they're just throwaway details that never become relevant in the actual story :/

My spite senses are going off so hard with this one istg--

[rawrsatthetree]

They warn you not to play the dark urge for your first run because vanilla Tav will feel insanely boring after.

[takeariskao3]

.

[miguelhugger2099]

Just a silly little request👉👈

Do u think fem!reader likes to wear crop top with no bra and Miguel's boxer. You two are just flirting and teasing each other until Miguel decided to toss the remote to reader for movie night and reflex, she tries to catch it reveal her tits and Miguel just "😳... Nice catch..." And smut if u want. Having his hands speezing them I'm going insane 😭😭

Just One Touch

a/n: this ask has been in my inbox for so long and ur not gonna believe what got me out of my month long stump to write this. everyone thank sir-mix-a-lot's song "ride" it possessed me and gave me energy. excuse the crappy writing, i'm still lowk having writers block so it's not my greatest work. please enjoy and as alwayssss i can rewrite this if you'd like <3 Art: mar_mar0u on instagram ! Unedited btw, plz dont crucify me ill die :(

It wasn’t unusual for you and Miguel to wind down after the sun had set. Movie night was a must, whether it was cheesy romcoms for you to sob to, horror movies for Miguel to be annoyed at, or even action movies to make fun of–as long as it was together. Still, Miguel teased you by holding the remote up above his head and out of your reach. He grins with one hand on his hip and watches you reach up with no progress in sight. “Give it!” You laugh, trying to keep your anger believable. “No, first you take my clothes and I know you’re gonna pick one of those creepy knock off animated movies.” He chuckles and he walks off. Due to the size difference, every step of his was three of yours–practically chasing after him. “Put respect on Over the Hedge’s name! It’s not even a knock off!” Miguel plops on the couch on one side with a huff of laughter. “Fine, fine. Here–take it!” He throws the remote above your head and you pause and stumble back.

You reach high up to grab the remote. “You asshole!” You laugh. The remote hits your fingertips and bounces a bit farther back. Your crop top rides and flows up as you lean back onto one foot to finally grasp the device in your hand.

Miguel could feel everything happen in slow motion. The small glimpse of your underboob before your nipples finally come into view. The grin on Miguel’s face slowly drops and he could feel drool slipping from his lips. He watched your boobs bounce, the roundness of your flesh and perky buds making his cheeks go red. He can’t help the disappointment in his face when your arms fall back down, shirt hiding the glorious view of your tits.

“Caught it!” You smirk at him triumphantly. His eyes continue to glance at your tits.  “Yeah, uh…” He gulps. “Nice catch.” He adjusts his shorts, hoping his growing bulge wasn’t too apparent.

You don’t notice, too engrossed in your victory and making Miguel speechless. So, you crawl in his lap, Miguel’s hands suspended in mid-air as you nestle yourself in his arms. You feel his muscles surround you like a warm comfortable blanket, leaning your back on his firm chest while you click the buttons to turn on the TV.

“So what are we picking this time?” You ask, flipping through random trailers to find what you’re looking for.

“Huh? Oh, uh, anything’s fine.” Miguel shrugs half-heartedly. He’s too focused looking down at your crop top. Slowly and gingerly, his fingers caress your stomach–light and feathery as if trying to be discreet.

“Yeah sure, whatever. Don’t complain if you don’t like it.” You laugh softly, clicking on a random movie that looked good enough.

“Mhm.” Miguel mumbles, not even hiding his disinterest in a damn movie right now. While your eyes are on the opening scene on the TV, Miguel’s eyebrows scrunch together, his lips into a tight line as he resists his urges.

He can’t help it though. He gets handsy, Miguel carefully caressing your stomach. You barely notice it since the two of you always get snuggled up like this.

You only notice when he hikes higher up, his hips shifting slightly while his fingers run up and down the valley of your tits. You smack his arm around your waist with the remote.

“What are you doing?” You ask, trying to sound annoyed but the smile seeps through your tone.

“Nuthin’” He murmurs. Miguel then feels the curve of your breast, his fingers itching for a squeeze.

“We’re supposed to be bonding.” You move to turn your head up at him. You try to meet his eyes but he stays glued downwards to your chest.

“We are.” Miguel insists, his lips slightly parted. His thumb swipes across your nipple and you gasp, feeling your cheeks burn. He can feel the nub perk up and his tongue darts out to lick his lips, biting his bottom lip to hide the satisfied smile on his face.

Miguel takes his chances, bending down to kiss along your neck, tugging you closer to him and making you melt. His body moves against yours and your eyes flutter shut. His mouth gently sucks and licks your skin and you shiver. Miguel grabs your left tit, the plump flesh squeezed in his palm. His fingers flick your nipple, circling around before gently twisting it.

You back arches and you moan. “Ah–fuck, Miguel!” You hissed, a burning heat crawling up your neck. Your hand lifts up to curl in his hair while he attacks your neck, his other hand running down to his boxers you were wearing. He slips his fingers in the front hole of the boxers, using his index and middle fingers to spread your folds apart. You feel him nip your neck with a smile as he smears your slick around your clit.

He then uses both of his hands to lift your shirt up and over your head. Your breasts are now out in the open, the cool air hitting your chest and making your nipples hard. You barely get a word out, Miguel already cupping your boobs and squeezes them. Your hips buck back to grind on his crotch, eyes closing as he plays with you. Miguel used his fingers to tease your nipples simultaneously, flicking and tweaking them. He lifts them up and watches them fall down before squeezing them again. Your pussy is soaking through his boxers, aching for more stimulation that’s making you feel empty.

His eyes are dark watching his own hands play with your chest, the memory of the bounce of your tits as you caught the remote high in the air. He wanted to see that again.

Miguel could feel his cock swell and twitch along with each bounce of your breasts. You have your body arching, hands behind you and holding onto his thighs. He plays with your tits switching with his hands or his mouth–but if you asked him, he preferred sucking on them. So that’s where he was now, lips attached to your right nipple and his right hand playing with your left. You slammed down on his cock, whining since you barely felt him thrust up. But in all honesty, Miguel could do this forever with your tits in his mouth and his cock buried in your cunt. While his tongue sucked and lipped your nipple, he knew if he didn’t focus, he’d cum instantly. He looks up at you after playfully biting down on your nub, your squeaks making his dick twitch against your walls. You look down with glossy eyes, hips stuttering and pussy throbbing when you see him smirk up at you with your boob in his mouth. One of his hands that was on your waist comes up to your back to keep your body arched. Miguel scrunches his eyes shut, eyebrows furrowed while he sucks on your nipple, his hips jerking and balls slapping against your ass. You wail with each thrust, falling forward and holding onto the backrest making your boobs squish in his face. Miguel groans as he lets you fall on top of him, hands falling down to your ass as you grind on him. His cock slips in and out of your wet cunt with a wet squelch. It makes you bite your lip with a loud whimper, the action making your man under you tug on your nipple with his teeth. He’s obsessed with you, Miguel pulling away just enough to make your tits swing in his face. He glances up at your pleasure filled face, sweat glistening down your face and body while you panted and whined. He’s entranced, eyes falling down to follow the way your boobs bounce as he fucks up into you. Miguel trusts you to keep fucking yourself on his while his hands leave your ass to come up and cup and squeeze both your breasts. He kneads them and watches your mouth drop open to moan. Your head hangs and your foreheads almost touch. Miguel doesn’t need to tell you a damn thing, his lips parted while he looks at yours. You lean down to kiss him, Miguel immediately slipping his tongue past your defenses with a low groan. He continues groping you, his hips smacking up with your thrusting and he can feel himself about to cum. He can tell you’re about to too by the way your pussy spasms wildly, sucking him in deeper and soaking him in your slick.

So he hammers into you, grunting as he puts all his strength in making you cream. Your eyes roll back, mouth separating from his to dig your nails into his shoulders and roll your hips. You can barely get a word out, garbled moans of his name escaping you while your body twitches, ecstasy flowing through from top to bottom. Miguel watches your chest heave as you catch your breath, your juices dripping out of your a making a sticky mess in his lap. You’re dizzy and weak, body flopping forward on his chest. Miguel soothes you, curling his hand in your hair and pressing you into the crook of his neck. He kisses the top of your head and you’re too numb to feel him take your body off him. He places your back down on the couch, hair sticking to your face with sweat, lips plumped from kissing. You’re whining when your sensitive folds feel his still hard cock rub in between them, accidentally slipping his tip in a few times. You swallow to get the dryness out of your throat. “Mig…Mig…” You’re cut off when Miguel slams into you, your body jerking and tits bouncing with the hard thrust. Your hazy vision rolls onto his face, Miguel glued onto your chest still. He gives another few soft thrusts and watches your boobs jiggle around. You feel his cock jump inside your walls, a soft hum of approval coming from deep in his throat. He bends down, biting and licking the side of your tit to add another mark to his collection. His teeth marks littered around your plump and round flesh–his favorites being the ones around your areola.

His face is buried in your breasts while he pounds into you, your head thrown back and legs locked around his waist. Oh, he’s in heaven.

[little-flowers]

The feminine urge to rewrite the heroes of Olympus series (specifically SON) and make it sadder (and more angsty)

Like Percy without Annabeth would go batshit insane right? Or should I say Perseus would go insane.

The whole Percy memory thing is kinda glanced over. He gets his memories back by MOA. The second he sees his Annie he’s okay. And then we’re done with it.

But what if it didn’t work like that? He loves Annabeth that bond hera wont break. But he doesn’t know everything about her. He knows thats his entire world. But he doesn’t know why.

Jason didn’t know about the legion. Or any of his time there. He still doesn’t have all his memories about that despite going home.

Why does Percy get that?

Imagine Him doing a move and leo being like “where’d you learn that?” And he just blanks, Luke’s name slipping from his brain.

Him back at camp, seeing someone (like clariesse or Katie. Not his best friend but they’ve definitely talked.) and them being happy he’s okay, and he just doesn’t know them. Them trying to remind him who they are. And he just doesn’t know.

Percy getting his Achilles curse memories back, and he doesn’t remember that its gone. Going headfirst into battle, unaware of the potential for injuries.

Percy hearing sally make a mean joke about gabe and he just doesn’t know who he is. He knows he hates alcohol. But not why.

Percy not remembering everything.

He knows what hurts but not why it does.

Yeah heroes of Olympus but sad

[muxshwriting]

talk

Anakin Skywalker x reader (Orpheus and Eurydice retelling)

summary: the greatest love story ever told, that's simultaneously the most tragic || summary: angst, main character death, a lot of death || word count: 1773 || masterlist

There have been many great love stories throughout the centuries, but none were more famous than the tragic tale of Anakin Skywalker and his wife, Y/N. And it begins with her death.

The urge began with a voice pounding at the back of his mind from the moment he had found your body. With every second it grew louder and louder until it was sounding off like a cannon in his brain.

"I'm going to the underworld."

It was a short and direct statement.

Obi-Wan's face paled. "You can't be serious Anakin! That's reckless and dangerous. You're writing your own death warrant."

"I'm rewriting hers." He argued.

"This is insanity!" Obi-Wan cried.

Anakin turned away. "Don't try and stop me. I'm going either way."

His mind was set, there was no change Obi-Wan would be able to find. He walked for days and nights, battling against those who tried to stop him on his journey. Nothing would stop him from getting to you.

The darkness didn’t bother Anakin as he walked, his eyes were set on a goal far ahead. All he could think was that you were alone and probably scared. He needed to get to you. No one had made this journey before, it had been fabled but never done. His journey seemed never ending but Anakin persevered, kept his head down, his plan secret.

On the nights when all hope seemed lost, when the thoughts echoed through his head and told him he couldn’t save you, he push on. It was your voice that rang through his head the mornings after those thoughts. It was a simple whisper, a murmur that you were walking with him and waiting for him on the other side, that you loved him and always would.

After a forever of walking, Anakin was standing outside the gates to the underworld. His journey here had been challenging but to travel through the underworld would be nigh on impossible.

His eyes were trained to the ground as he ignored the screams of damned souls and the cries of condemned asking for salvation. Every step meant he was closer to you, every step was a step closer to your freedom. His hood stayed drawn over his head and his robe was wrapped tightly around him. His lightsaber would be useless here and so he didn’t even bother having it easy to hand. Drawing a weapon in Hades’ domain wouldn’t be wise, anyone could tell you that.

The halls of the Underworld were enormous, rising above his head to the heavens with pits of fire. Hades sat upon his throne, watching the young Jedi enter his halls and slowly approach.

"Anakin Skywalker." He sneered slightly.

Anakin found the courage to meet the King’s eyes. He noticed the slight redness to them no one had discussed before. Beside him sat his wife, Persephone, on a throne of her own, looking like she owned the Underworld. Or course, she did but no one would say that in front of Hades. Even if they did, he would probably agree before ending their life.

"What brings the Chosen One to my domain?" Hades asked but Anakin knew better than to answer. "The Hero with No Fear has come to beg me for a soul, no?"

Persephone reached over and placed a gentle hand on her husband’s arm. He met her eyes and instantly softened.

"My wife has taken a liking to you boy. Perhaps you will entertain me for a while."

Anakin swallowed his fear and stood a little straighter, "I come here seeking my love, she was taken too soon, as many are. But she deserved a better life than what she was given. And I didn’t care if they called me crazy, if there was a chance I could get her that life, I was going to try." He took the chance to read their expressions for a moment. Persephone looked proud while Hades seemed perplexed. He continued, "When she’s with me, my world is complete, because it is her. I dread to think the kind of person I would be if she was not beside me and I fear for my future without her alive. My heart will darken and grow evil without her light to ward to away the shadows."

"Go on…"

"I walked here, my head to the ground, my name unspoken. I walked through the Underworld for the chance to see my wife and hold her in my arms once more. Perhaps she has passed on, choosing a greater life than what I could provide. But even if I came her in vain and I never leave again, I know I tried. I did not sit idly and ponder what might have been, I tried even if I fail. I have nothing to lose because she was everything and I lost her."

Hades was silent as two guards entered the hall and began to drag Anakin away. He let himself be taken, refusing to look away from the rulers face. He watched as Hades put his head in his hand. Persephone comforted him, reaching a hand for his face and her other for his. Then the doors slammed shut and Anakin was left with his thoughts once more.

He lost count of the number of steps he was dragged down, the people he passed. But then there was a cage surrounded by a dozen others all empty except one. A cage with you inside.

His strength returned and he had freed himself in an instant running to you with a shout of your name. "Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

You couldn’t believe your eyes. Anakin, your Anakin was standing in front of you in the Underworld. He had journeyed to the Underworld for you.

"Yes! I’m alright, what are you doing here?"

"Bringing you home."

"Anakin-"

The cage between you two barely mattered as you pressed your lips to his between the bars. You hand intertwined with one another, holding on as tightly as you could. You had lost each other once, you would not lose each other again so easily.

"I love you." You confess. You’d said it to him many time before but never with such reverence as you did now. "I love you Anakin Skywalker."

Anakin’s eyes shined with tears, "It’s a long journey back, dangerous and cold."

"I’ll walk with you every step of the way." You promised. "You’ll never be alone."

Behind Anakin, Hades had arrived, his Queen only a few steps behind. Tentatively he turned to them, his hands still gripping yours. "Can we leave?"

In truth, Hades had no answer. He had come down the deepest dungeons to talk with you and Anakin and he had done so without an answer.

If he said no, he was just as heartless as the tales say he is. He would have no compassion for a man and his wife and the love they shared. He would be a hypocrite and his own wife would never quite forgive him. If he said yes, he would be doing something never done before. He had no moral code, no rules for the Underworld. He would be governing a lawless realm where people could come and go as they pleased.

He was damned either way.

The reality was this: Hades would let them go under the conditions he would set. Yes, he would be a forgiving and understanding King who knew the perfect punishment for any who demanded anything of him. Anakin Skywalker, the leader would walk ahead of his wife all the way out of the Underworld. And if he looked back to check she was following, she would be dragged back down into the depths.

She is out of sight, he is out of his mind. Anakin would foolishly agree, doing anything to have her back, not realising what he’s truly agreed to.

Since agreeing to Hades’ terms, you and Anakin hadn’t looked away from each other.

"Are you ready?" He asked you.

Silently, you nod. Anakin takes a steadying breath, his hands brushed against yours as you held one to your chest, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. He squeezed his eyes shut and span on his heels, beginning the long walk without you by his side.

The world went silent as your hand slipped from his and he felt utterly alone. He took the first step, trusting you would be right behind him.

As he walked, his footsteps echoed through the Underworld. But what tore his heart into pieces was the lack of your footsteps echoing behind him. He resisted the urge every single day to glance back at you. He prayed this was a part of Hades’ sick terms, that he would be unable to tell if you were behind him until you were out. A few days into the journey, he had started talking to you. It began as a quiet beg that you were still there, a promise he believed, a proclamation of his love. It had escalated when he received no response.

Behind him, you were never more than three steps behind. You heard every word that he said, unable to respond, unable to reach out. More often than not, you would be walking with tears streaming down your face, praying that Anakin would stay strong enough to get you both out.

You both ignored the pain in your feet and in your hearts as the end of the Underworld grew closer. When one morning, you felt the sun on your face for the first time in weeks as the exit was just ahead of you. Anakin’s pace remained steady but his steps seemed more sure, a quiet optimism. You let yourself smile, you were getting out.

The shuddering breath Anakin made as he stepped over the threshold made you almost weep with delight. But then he turns and your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach. You glance to the floor and your worst fears are confirmed.

"Y/N." He breathes your name in a way that makes his love clear as day.

"Anakin…" Your face has fallen as you look at him with nothing but despair.

You see him glance down at where you’re standing, just inside the threshold of the Underworld. He had turns too early. You hadn’t had time to get out. He hadn’t thought… he just needed to see you after so long.

Through your tears, you muster up a smile for him, "I love you."

You feel your soul being wrenched backwards as you tumble backwards, down, down, down back to your cage in Hades’ town. It was all for nothing.

[campbell-rose]

Helluva Rewrite (s1e8)

Okay, so I'm insane and got this sudden urge to rewrite Helluva Boss and redesign the cast. I ended up with a full rewrite of episode eight and the design of a brand new character and thought I might as well post it rather than leave it to rot on a word doc lol. Okay, context before hand. Beelzebub is no longer a hellhound fox sparkledog thing. I’ve split the character into Beelzebub, the ruler of Gluttony, and Cerberus who takes the role as Vortex’s gf without fucking over the worldbuilding. Loona is now an actual teenager, only 17 and was adopted by Blitzo very recently in this retelling so she’s still wary of him a bit. I think that’s it, so here is my reworking! 

Loona is terrified. She shows up to the party and is visibly shaken, but immediately brightens up when Vortex calls out to her. 

When Vortex introduces Loona, he notices she’s uncomfortable from the attention and apologizes, then offers to get her a drink to help her relax. 

The second Loona is alone, she has the confrontation with that poodle bitch. Changes in order: 

The Poodle approaches Loona rather than Loona butting into a conversation. She goes “O-M-G. Loona?” and when Loona turns around, she starts getting really mean. 

The Poodle and Loona grew up in the same pound but the poodle left first (incorporate somehow into the conversation) 

Okay, the Poodle is like “Wow, you must’ve finally gotten too old to stay in the pound, you know, since you were such a lunatic nobody wanted you! Can’t relate lol.” 

Loona gets aggro at the lunatic comment, and the Poodle whips out her phone like “woah, careful you’re looking like Lunatic Loona again!” 

‘Lunatic Loona’ comes from Loona getting aggressive at an adoption fair and biting people. She was branded as aggressive and hard to work with and it followed her. The Poodle has a picture of Loona looking rabid. 

Loona is visibly upset then masks it with anger. (Lots of hounds are gathering to watch b/c they are getting loud) she makes a rebuttal like “I’m surprised someone wanted you considering you’re such a massive bitch!” *in this rewrite, it is established that bitch is a cruel term used against hellhounds 

Vortex swoops in the second Poodle squares up (bc she squares up in this after being called a bitch) and calms it down. 

Loona is visibly upset and fidgety. She looks in her drink and notices a fly drowning in the liquid. A couple scenes to show hellhounds she tries to interact with are wary of her and are pointing and whispering about her being crazy. 

Now, enter Beelzebub. Note: Beelzebub will be a bee demon and no longer Votex’s gf, rather that will fall onto a new character! Beelzebub does her song with her pet, Cerberus acting as her hypeman! 

Loona is more in awe during the song than anything else, and starts to seem to be enjoying herself. She dances with Vortex and thinks for a moment he’s flirting with her 

When the song ends, Cerberus rushes Vortex, spins him around and squeals about the song and the party. She notices Loona and basically has the same dialogue Bee had in the episode. When Vortex says this is my girlfriend, Loona is visibly stunned. She repeats the word and Cerberus nods and covers Vortex in kisses. *in this rewrite, it wasn’t mentioned during Vortex and Loona’s first meeting that he had a gf. While this takes away from Vortex being a more aware character, this is a change for the sake of better drama imo 

Loona is mortified and feels like a moron for flirting with a guy with a gf, and her night has already been shitty and embarrassing enough. She goes outside and texts/calls Blitzo. 

While waiting on the curb for Blitzo, a hellhound approaches her. He’ll be the stand in for the guy that’s like ‘oh no, the hottie is leaving?’. He comes up and goes “Loona?” and she’s immediately on edge and snaps at him. Then she recognizes that he is another hound she knew from the pound. They talk 

She apologizes for being on edge, she’s just had a shitty night. He knows, he saw, Poodle got adopted by a Greed demon and was spoiled rotten ever since 

He compliments her and says she looks nice. He’s never seen her look anything other than miserable or angry. She says he seems adjusted enough. He says he didn’t get adopted, he aged out, so he kind of had to learn how to adjust or die in the fighting pits *expanded on later*

Another pause. He says he’s sorry for how he treated her back then, he was miserable and angry and he took it out on her. Loona shakes her head and replies that she was hardly better, then softly adds that she still isn’t. He points out that they’ve managed to have a conversation for a minute without someone getting bitten, so that’s got to count as an improvement. 

Blitzo pulls in, making both of them jump. He asks Loona if she’s alright and if she wants to leave now and to hop in. The hellhound she was talking too is sad at that and says that she should stay because the party just started. Loona stands between them for a moment before suggesting to Blitzo that he come into the party with her. Blitzo says no because he’s had a really shit night and can’t do partying right now. Enter the imp from before. Scene is generally the same, except Blitzo recognizes the other imp and calls them by name so they aren’t some unnamed nobody. 

The scene of Blitzo doing a kegstand is the same, but Cerberus and Vortex are watching with Loona as well. Beelzebub (again, a separate character from the dog thing in the show and Cerberus) offers her challenge *Cerberus brings in the booze rather than Tex to indicate servitude 

Beelzebub is now a bit less of a nice girl. She doesn’t stop halfway through the contest and stare at Blitzo all concerned. Once he beats her she gets super pumped and takes him off on her shoulders. The next few scenes are Blitzo doing shit (chugging drinks, breaking the disco ball, busting some of the honey tubes in the background, causing general choas and constantly drinking) all the while being egged on by Beelzebub. 

Loona finds a small group of friends to talk to along with that other hellhound she first talked to. Then Cerberus asks if she can talk to her in private. In this Cerberus says what Bee originally said in the episode, minus seeing auras. She says that Beelzebub can sense when people are wrecked and can’t help herself. She makes people and demons indulge in their misery and sins until they can’t move, and feeds off of their energy. Blizto is basically a buffet. Loona is a little defensive, but doesn’t insult Cerberus or upset her. 

Loona finds Blitzo in the middle of yet another drinking contest, currently chugging before throwing up into his cup and saying he hasn’t lost yet and is about to drink the puke. Loona pulls him away and notes that he’s a fucking mess and that what he’s doing isn’t okay. Beelzebub mentions that she’s being a party pooper, but Loona is too concerned with Blitzo to care 

They leave the party. Loona waves at the hellhound boy she talked to, and is shown pocketing a number written on a napkin. 

I’m keeping the vomit joke and taking out the moments of Loona calling Blitzo dad, as in this she has only been with him for a short while and doesn’t really know him like that. 

Since this episode would be before season two, this is the first indication of Loona’s past, talking about the pound and shit, and also showcases her being more sensitive and capable of having fun and interacting with people other than her dad and her coworkers. I’m no Shakespeare but I tried my best with what Viv and team laid out including the terrible whiplash humor (i'm talking about you dildo scene)

Now, art!

This is my rework of Loona, i wanted her to be more of an edgy emo girl since that's been Viv style for decades

And this is what i came up for Cerberus! I'm struggling with colors, so I might color them and post it later if i feel like it. Cerberus will either be colored like one of Viv's drawings of JayJay or like Queen Bee when she has the superior color pallet with yellows and oranges.

Debating if hellhounds should wear clothes in this rework because i'm doubling down on them being essentially pets and sentient dogs

[alebrijediscordico]

i need to sleep soon, but i've been rotating pastra's new video with his own retelling of the jeff the killer creepypasta and. mein gott……

first of, Go Watch 🔫

and second of, spoilers under the cut, bc im gonna ramble abt it now!!

so there's thing ive noticed of a few rewrites i have read before is that many times the authors take a lot of creative liberties while rewriting and, well, many of them interested me a lot ngl! most of them are full rewrites with almost no similarities to the og story that isnt the characters and maybe one or two plot points, and i think about them and it amazes me how one can change a characters story and still make it feel like the same character

but the thing about pastra's rewrite, is that they understands Who jeff the killer is and What jeff is, and not only gives the original story's Feeling an actual structure, but a Why for it too

and that starts with the who. jeff is a villain in most narratives that had included him before, even if the original creepypasta aimed (?) for him to be sort of the empathetic, like. back then he was but a kid, maybe a violent one, but a kid that fell to his most destructive urges nevertheless (and with this extra, irrational fear that i think was more of a personal observation when i first hear of this creepypasta when i was Really young, of "oh god, what if turn out like Him" since he was around my age then, but anyways.)

but this jeff is not a kid anymore, is actually of college age, and for most of this rewrite's narrative he is this looming terror on the loose; death with a rotting, self made smile. and as more things are revealed, and both the detectives and audience get closer to jeff, at first one would think is going with the same, empathetic route like the original, with the bullies and stuff, but since we already know how that goes, pastra actually Uses that to get people by surprise and… no, he isn't just a kid, or in this case a man, Driven to madness by circumstances. he starts a villain, ends a villain

which perfectly pictures what jeff as a concept was and is in essence:

a brutal, unpredictable force of violence; a monster

and that's what makes him scary again, because he is still a human after all, but his actions slowly take away that until only his appearance, no matter how mutilated it is by that point, is what anchors him to his humanity; a tether to it made out of a spider's web string

like i remember listening to the narration in the background while playing splatoon some days ago, and sometimes having to pause the game just to listen more attentively. and in some parts, specially towards the end, making me actually feel kinda scared, not only for liu (which is also Very well written and the role he plays to connect jeff's past to the present and reveal his true intentions is Amazing), but for every single one of the witnesses too

and then that part. that one part after staying convinced most of the video that this rewrite would follow a similar plot as the original, liu says "but no. it was just… jeff" LIKE- that legit gave me Chills, and minutes after jeff's infamous phrase Actually used well??? like as i said, this actually brought back some of that fear from the original, tho it mostly impressed me for the execution, but genuinely what the fuck (legit said out loud while listening "are they gonna- no they won't- HE DID…")

n. well, this is less about the creepypasta now, but just me thinking how good pastra's storytelling is, the story's structure feels so clean and interconnected, the pacing is so nice but it has that touch of his that is across all his videos. and the voice acting!! the man genuinely sounded insane when jeff did, is incredible :D

[rennymayflower]

ANOTHER THEORY MY BRAIN IS GOING WILD TONIGHT I *NEED* TO RANT AND RAMBLE ABOUT MY THEORIES

SO IN EPISODE 8 WHEN CUBE IS FIGHTING ACRILIMUS DID ANYONE ELSE NOTICE THE FUCKING,, CRAZED-ASS GRIN HE HAS DURING THE FIGHT

BRO VERY CLEARLY HAS THE INTENT TO KILL THAT FISH

AND DO NOT TELL ME THAT ACRILIMUS DOES NOT DIE BECAUSE IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE FIGHT PYRARE SAYS THIS

CUBE DID KILL ACRILIMUS AND WILL PROBABLY KILL AGAIN ALSO OH MY GOD IRIS LOOKS SO NERVOUS AND SCARED OF HIM AND IM ONLY NOTICING NOW

SO I HAVE A FEW POTENTIAL THEORIES ABT THIS UHHHDHFDDSF

--------------------------

THEORY 1 - CUBE HAS SOME MURDEROUS TENDENCIES AND HAS ALWAYS HAD THEM (CAUSE IN EPISODE 4 WHEN CUBE FIGHTS LYCAN HE SAYS HE KNOWS HOW LYTHORUS FIGHTS IMPLYING THEY MAY HAVE SPARRED BEFORE AND WHO KNOWS MAYBE CUBE MIGHTVE ACCIDENTALLY(?) INJURED LYTHORUS A FEW TIMES SO CUBE HAS FOUGHT BEFORE AND HE VERY MUCH IS CAPABLE OF KILLING, AND WILL NOT HESITATE TO MAKE THE EXCUSE OF "PROTECTING HIS LOVED ONES" JUST TO DO SO, LOOK AT HIS GRIN AGAIN HE WAS ENJOYING THAT VIOLENCE THAT WAS ENTERTAINMENT FOR HIM

THEORY 2 - THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF THE PINK CORRUPTION ARE SLOWLY DRIVING CUBE TO INSANITY AS HE HAS TO DEAL WITH TERRIFYING NEW SITUATIONS HE'S NEVER HAD TO WORRY ABOUT BEFORE, AND HE CANNOT MENTALLY ADJUST PROPERLY THUS CAUSING HIM TO DEVELOP VIOLENT AND EVEN MURDEROUS URGES THAT, IF NOT ACKNOWLEDGED, CAN AND WILL GET WORSE

THEORY 3 - (THIS ONE IS MOSTLY THANKS TO MY ONLINE FRIEND DSFDSFDS) CUBIC IS SLOWLY CREEPING INTO CUBE'S MIND AND BEGINNING TO ESSENTIALLY CORRUPT HIM FROM THE INSIDE OUT, HE MAY NOT *LOOK* CORRUPTED AND THE INFECTION MAY NOT APPEAR TO BE SPREADING BUT HE IS BEING CORRUPTED AND WILL CONTINUE TO BE CORRUPTED UNTIL HE AND CUBIC ARE ESSENTIALLY ONE IN THE SAME AND ARE BOTH BATSHIT INSANE

IM SORRY IM TYPING IN ALL CAPS I JUST FORGOT TO TURN CAPS LOCK OFF AND I DONT WANNA REWRITE ALL THIS SO

[sillypooperscooper]

Decided to rewrite the scene where Aphmau sees Garroth’s face for the first time because I’m insane !!

Aphmau paused for a moment as she reached the mine's entrance. After finally having her own thoughts and fears laid to rest she finally took a moment to realize what she's about to do, to realize what this information might do to Garroth. Zenix was like a son to him, he took him in when he was young and raised the boy to the best of his abilities. However, now....he'll never see him the same, not after learning about his horrendous deeds, what he did to this village, to their previous lord and his family. Aphmau took a deep breath, reminding herself to tread carefully when approaching this subject with Garroth, the wounds were still fresh after all.

She began her decent into the mines.

"Garroth...?" Before her was a man slumped over, seated on the raw cobblestone ground. He held his head low in one hand as the other gripped a diamond sword. It stood tall in front of his crestfallen form, almost as if it was shielding him from others, from her.

Garroth cracked one eye open as he looked up at her before shutting it again, he winced in pain and turned his head to the side, avoiding her gaze, "Don't look at me Aphmau..."

Aphmau paused with her mouth slightly agape, he was nothing like she'd imagined him to be. For one, she expected the man to be far older than what he seemed to be, perhaps due to the way he spoke or the way in which he carried himself. Instead, a decently young man was presented before her. She let herself study his features for a moment, noting his feathery blond hair and cerulean blue eyes.

"Garroth...your face..."

He sighed deeply, "I failed the village...it's people...everyone," his voice was gruff and filled with anger, but then grew somber, "even you..."

"That's nonsense!" Instinctively, Aphmau stepped towards him with a hand out, ready to comfort him, but she stopped herself, "You're my knight..."

Garroth remained silent.

Aphmau's heart panged slightly, knowing that her words weren't enough to comfort him.

Against her better judgement she decided to ask the one question that had been plaguing her mind since she first set eyes on Garroth's unmasked figure, "Why did you hide your face?"

He paused for a moment before finally facing her, looking straight into her big brown eyes, "I never wanted you to see me like this."

Her eyes softened under his gaze as she tilted her head quizzically, "But why...?"

Garroth spent so long wearing a helmet that he forgot how intimate a look could be, it was all too much too quickly so he averted her gaze once again, "It's a long story, one I'd rather not get into at the moment...maybe ever, but did you manage to find Levin's mother?"

"Yes." Aphmau's tone grew heavy as she lowered her gaze.

He felt her eyes leave him. His diamond sword was still propped up in front of him, almost acting as a barrier between them. Hearing her shaky voice pulled at his emotions and despite feeling exposed and vulnerable, he dropped it to the side and reached out to her. Without thinking, he outstretched his hand in an attempt to hold hers, but he stoped himself. Garroth realized that this touch would be far too intimate for a Lord and her guard to share, so instead he gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze, urging her to continue.

She wiped away a stray tear, "I found her but...Zenix."

He froze.

"He was holding her captive. I wanted to save her, bring her back to Levin and let them be a family again but..." Aphmau sighed deeply before once again turning to face him, "She decided to stay behind, for Levin's sake. She said they'd hurt him if she didn't..."

Garroth gently removed his hand from her shoulder, sliding down her upper arm before returning to him, "What a noble woman, to make such a sacrifice like that...to stay away from her son for his own safety."

Aphmau looked into his eyes for a moment, pensively chewing the inside of her cheek as she pondered something.

He felt the intense urge to look away, but instead held her gaze.

"Do you...remember her?"

He took a moment to think, digging deep into his mind in search of any recollection of Matilda, his brows furrowed in thought. "Matilda...No, I've never heard the name. I would remember too."

"Hm, I see..." Aphmau hummed in acceptance, realizing that Garroth was also affected by the magic that caused the village to forget their previous Lord.

Garroth shut his eyes and sighed deeply before suddenly standing up, "This is too much to take in Aphmau, way too much. Zenix was...I raised him since he was a kid. To think that he was involved in the murder of a Lord...what village was it anyway?"

Aphmau froze, his deep blue eyes were looking down on her and bore into her soul, twisting her heart with guilt. He was right, this was all too much for him. Aphmau knew that this would push him over the edge, so she lied. His eyes were so full of sadness and regret, how could she not lie? How could she do nothing else but spare his feelings? "I...I don't know, he didn't say."

"I see. I wouldn't imagine he'd tell you anyways." Garroth sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, only now did Aphmau realize just how exhausted he looked. "Well it seems like you need some well deserved rest."

He extended out his hand, offering to help Aphmau up. She took his hand and he lifted her to her feet, "What're you going to do now?"

"I'm going to stay down here for a few hours, I need some time to recover my pride. I'm not running I just...it becomes overwhelming, failing so many people in the village." He reached down to pick up his sword, no longer looking at Aphmau.

"You didn't fail anyone, Garroth. I swear." Her words were stern as she clenched her teeth, she never wanted him to blame himself, ever.

"Kind words Aphmau," he was now facing away from her, but he smiled softly to himself before returning back to his somber expression, "but they don't help how I feel right now. I'll be back to helping up there, right now I think I'm going to mine some materials and try to clear my head from this mood I'm in. We'll talk more about what to do with Levin tomorrow." Garroth turned to look at Aphmau before giving her a reassuring smile, "Let's just make sure he's got a nice roof over his head to keep him warm."

A loving smile stretched across her face as she thought of Levin and how lucky he was to have someone as kind as Garroth in his life...how lucky she was.

[irrevocableloves]

violent delights

twilight rewrite! edward cullen x fem!witch!reader

chapter five: blood type

previous chapter ౨ৎ masterlist ౨ৎ chapter six

summary: edward gives in, no matter the efforts it took to keep himself away from her.

warnings: swearing, fluff, blood, gore

words: 4.9k (unedited)

Throughout the entire night, Edward’s words replayed in my mind. It's better if we're not friends. What did that even mean? That he wanted to? That he felt this pull just as I did, but was too afraid to embrace it? Or was it just me? My stomach twisted. He must’ve noticed how engrossed I was by him and didn’t want to lead me on. Perhaps he was a mind reader. Oh god. The pathetic thoughts I’ve had towards him… I was considering it.

Normally, it was so easy for me to read people. For all my life, I was able to take in someone's thoughts from just their expressions whether it was genuine or forced. I knew someone was so annoyingly obsessed with me or completely hated my guts. Lauren wasn’t even a good example, anyone could see right through her act even though she tried to hide it with fake smiles and interactions. She didn’t like me and even the entire school could catch onto that. My dad always wondered if I could hear his thoughts because of how in tune I was with his emotions. He was closed off, which was part of the reason him and my mother ended things, but for me? I could always see right through him and know exactly what to say to him. But, Edward on the other hand? He drove me absolutely insane.

My thoughts were thankfully interrupted by a buzz on my cell.

jess &lt;3: Mike said YES!!!!

And then an immediate call afterwards.

Jess had me on the phone for almost an hour talking about Mike, the dance, Angela and Ben, and then of course, the so-called ‘tension’ she felt with Edward and I. But, I quickly changed the subject to shopping for dresses which kept her occupied for another hour.

Finally, she hung up and I went onto doing homework and answering emails from my mom before eventually passing out.

Turning into the school lot, I made sure to park even farther than usual from his Volvo for my own sanity. Getting out of my car, I realized I’d left my keys and yanked it out a bit too swiftly, the keys flying into a puddle just outside my car. As I bent down to get it, a white hand swooped in and grabbed it, causing my jerk upright. I looked up, seeing Edward Cullen casually leaning on my car, my keys just dangling in his hands for me to take.

“How the hell do you do that?” I ask with an exasperated huff.

“Do what?” He held out my keys for me and I snatched them. He gave a light-hearted chuckle.

“Appear out of thin air.” I spat out.

“Y/N, it’s not my fault that you’re exceptionally unobservant.” 

I didn’t want to have this conversation again. I was tired of it. Instead, I walked past him. This time not even bothering to serve him a glance towards his way, no matter how much I wanted to.

To my surprise, he jogged towards me.

“So, why the traffic jam yesterday?” I huffed. “Thought you were supposed to be pretending I don’t exist, not deliberately annoying me.”

He gave a light chuckle. “That was for Tyler’s sake, not mine. Seems like he wanted a chance with you.”

That’s when I finally faced him, finding the urge not to hit his perfect face or perfect anything for that matter. “You’re fucking kidding.” He only seemed amused by my response.

“And I’m not pretending you don’t exist.”

“Oh, really? So you’re trying to annoy me to death? What? Since Tyler’s van didn’t do the job?” This anger was new to me. Usually, things didn’t bother me this much. But, Edward was different.

I expected anger from him as usual, but he only looked down at his feet, before muttering, “Y/N, that’s not–”

“I don’t care. Can you just leave me alone? Please? I just can’t keep up. One minute you're angry and the other you're consoling me. Your mood swings are giving me whiplash.” I interrupted him, not daring to look him back in the eye.

Silence followed, which was my que to head off to English.

I hadn’t realized class started by the time I walked in, Mr. Mason gave a huff with a “Thank you for joining us, Miss Y/L/N.” I headed to my seat in a rush. 

The entire class, I spent the majority of the time zoning out, thinking about what Edward had said. It wasn’t until class ended that I realized the seat next to me wasn’t occupied by the usual Mike, who would whisper my ear off for a straight hour. The silence was quite nice, but it worried me a bit. Once we all walked out of class, Mike’s spirits seemed to have lifted somehow as Eric mentioned the beach trip. Even with your sixteen years living here, it amazed you how Jess and the boys enjoyed surfing in this weather. No matter how much you favored Forks, California sure had Forks beaten with beaches. Most of the beach trips at Forks consisted of Angela and I waddled up in blankets at the back of Tyler’s van and watching movies off of one of my old DVD players.

The rest of the morning passed in a blur. Now, it was lunch. With my shaking nerves, I attempted to keep all my focus on Jessica’s babbling instead of searching for those golden eyes. I could hardly keep up with her pace as she rambled on about the dance plans, even convincing Angela to ask out Ben. I couldn’t help but wander my eyes towards his table. He wasn’t there. His four siblings sat in their usual spots, the only one with eyes on me was the one with a pixie-cut, Alice, with a slight smile curving on her lips.

“Edward is staring at you again,” Jessica said. I broke eye contact with Alice, bringing my attention towards Jessica. “I wonder why he’s sitting alone today.”

I followed her gaze from across the classroom. There he was. Edward. His crooked smile widening once he’d caught my attention. Suddenly, I’d lost my appetite. He waved his fingers towards me, motioning for me to join him, then a wink. Fuck.

“Does he mean you?” Jessica’s voice staggered. I’d forgotten we weren’t the only people in the room for a moment. “Told you he was into you.” she whispered, fighting through her giggles. I swore he heard that asI saw him fight a chuckle.

I shoved Jessica with my shoulder, hesitantly walking towards Edward with Jessica’s giggles in my rear view. When I reached the table, I didn’t sit, instead I stood behind the chair waiting for him to speak.

“Why don’t you sit with me today?” he asked, smiling. I eyed the chair, pulling it opening and sitting on the edge of it. His smile felt unreal, as if it was another ploy to reel me in again and push me away just as hard.

“Thought you didn’t wanna be friends?” I questioned.

“I said it would be better if we weren’t friends, not that I didn’t want to be.”

“What does that even mean?” I couldn’t read him. Why put so much effort into someone he hardly even knew? Why was I doing that?

“It means if you were smart, you’d stay away from me.” I tried.

“Haven’t I tried that already? You’re the one who wanted me here.”

“Well, I’ve decided to hell with it. As long as I’m going, I might as well get to know you better.”

“Hell? Now you’ve just expanded my theories.” I had none. No logical ones at least. I couldn’t even think them, let alone say them out loud, it was too bizarre.

“Oh, really? Won’t you tell me then?” he asked, tilting his head to the side with a tempting smile.

“Nope.” I shook my head, giving him a malicious smile.

“That’s really frustrating, you know?” So was he.

“Well that’s too bad.” I snickered. I decided not to make a scene, I could’ve bursted to him about the many ways he’s frustrated me. For starters, him being absolutely disgusted by me, ignoring me, then suddenly being enamored by me, then saving me, then ignoring me again, then suddenly he wants to get to know me? But, I wasn’t about to let the entire cafeteria know my frustrations with him.

“Fair enough.” He chuckled, then moved his gaze towards my original table. “I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you.”

I looked towards them. Angela and Jessica wore the same attitude: smiles and a fit of giggles. Lauren was angry as always, forcing herself closer to Tyler as he watched Edward and I with careful eyes. Eric pretended he wasn’t looking at all. Mike on the other hand, thankfully Jess hadn’t noticed, was burning holes at the back of Edward's head.

“They’ll survive.”

“Your boyfriend seems to think I’m being unpleasant to you – he’s debating whether or not to come and steal you away from me.” My face fell.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” I mumbled.

“He sure acts like he is.”

“Yeah, well that’s not my problem.”

Our table fell silent for a moment, until he spoke, “Aren’t you hungry?” No. I was full of nerves.

“No,” I said plainly. “You?” I knew what the answer was. It was embarrassing how attentively I watched him. He had food and he nibbled at it, but he never once ate. Same with his family. Emmett always carried a large amount of boiled eggs for whatever reason.

“Can you do me a favor?” I breathed out, hesitant to even say anything at all.

“Depends on what you’re asking for.”

“Not much…” He waited for my response. “What is this? What are we doing? Are we friends? Cause I don’t wanna waste my time if you’re just gonna ignore me again.”

“I told you – I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So… I’m giving up.” His smile was almost contagious, but I can see the pained look in his eyes.

“Giving up?”

“Yes, giving up. I’m not good for you, I know that. But, for some reason, I can’t seem to stay away from you.” He said softly. My breath hitched. I can’t seem to stay away from you. So, I wasn’t the only one.

“So…” I breathed in. I could hardly even bring myself to speak. “Friends?”

“Only if you tell me one of your theories.”

“Maybe later. Too many people around.”

He’d gotten up, I assumed that he’d wanted to leave. Instead, he moved his arm in front of himself, gesturing for me to go in front of him. “Lead the way.”

“You can’t be serious.” I laughed. The entire cafeteria’s eyes were on us, even his siblings and the stare they wore seemed unwelcoming, besides Alice, who tried her hardest to not break out into a smile.

All he did was give me another famous smirk. I practically jumped out of my seat, feeling all eyes on me as Edward and I left the cafeteria. We walked until no one was in sight, leading me to the back of the school on a hillside.

“Now, just one theory – I won’t laugh,” he said, plopping himself down in the grass.

“Yes, you will.”

“Please?” he breathed, leaning towards me.

I froze. My mind had gone completely blank. It took me a minute to recuperate before responding, “It’s dumb. I–I don’t know? Bitten by a radioactive spider?” It didn’t even sound better in my head at all.

“Well that’s not creative at all,” he scoffed.

“Well that’s all I’ve got. You haven’t given me much,” I laughed.

“You’re not even close,” he teased.

“No spiders?”

“Nope.”

“And no radioactivity?”

“None.”

“Dammit,” I sighed.

“Kryptonite doesn’t bother me, either.” He chuckled.

“Hey! You’re not supposed to laugh, remember?”

He struggled to compose his laughter.

After a few moments of silence, I started up again, “I just feel like… this doesn’t feel real. I’m here guessing which superpower you have and it sounds ridiculous, it really does…” I was caught up in thought, not even realizing the words I was saying aloud. “But I know what I saw. I just need a little help feeling a little less crazy here.”

“I wish you wouldn’t try.” His tone was serious again.

“Because…?”

“You say superpower, as in superheroes, but what if I’m not a hero? What if I’m the bad guy?” He tried to hide his remorse with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“No.” He seemed surprised by my remark. “I don’t believe that you’re a bad person. Dangerous, maybe? I don’t know. But not bad.”

“You’re wrong.”

Before I could even respond, the bell had rang, not even allowing me to process my thoughts.

I got up, offering my hand to his. “We’re gonna be late.”

He ignored my offer, gracefully standing up on his own.

“I’m not going to class today.”

“Why not?” I said, trying to hide my disappointment.

“It’s healthy to ditch class now and then.” He smiled, but still had a look of uneasiness.

“Not me. I’m gonna go,” I said. I couldn’t miss any more school than I already did, plus, I was a coward.

“I’ll see you later, then.” I wanted to stay with him. I considered it about fifty times in my head, but once I heard the first bell, my feet moved to its own accord.

As I fast-walked to class, I couldn’t help that my mind wandered to Edward. How none of my questions were answered, how I wasn’t afraid of him, how he thought of himself as a bad person. Only one question had been answered: I wasn’t the only one who felt a mental and physical pull towards him.

Lucky for me, Mr. Banner wasn’t in the class yet, so I hurried to my seat, hearing Jessica and Angela plead to come to their table for ‘deets’. Mike on the other hand looked resentful as he stared at me with his dejected eyes. I hushed them before Mr. Banner finally came into the room, juggling a few cardboard boxes in his arms, ordering Mike to pass them around.

“Okay, guys, I want you all to take one piece from each box,” he said, pulling a pair of disposable rubber gloves from his desk onto his hands. “The first should be an indicator card,” he went on, grabbing a white card with four squares marked on it. “The second is a four-pronged applicator –” he held up what looked to be a nearly toothless hair pick “– and the third is a sterile micro-lancet.” He held up a small piece of blue plastic and split it open. The barb was invisible from this distance, but my stomach flipped.

It happened when I was 12. I always saw my dad watching sports, but no matter how hard I tried, I was never engaged. One thing I did love: tossing around a foam football in our backyard. It was something that I could be a part of, rather than being lost in all the rules and regulations, tossing around a ball with my dad was almost effortless, with either no rules at all or ones that I maliciously made up on the spot. One day, my dad’s hand was far too strong, throwing it far into the woods. Normally, there was never an issue. Either one of us would run over and pick it up because what was the harm? It was only our backyard after all. So, I ran to get it. I found myself wandering a bit too far off than usual, hearing my dad’s shuffling and yells to head back. When I turned to head back, on my left there was a foot in the distance. I ran to it, calling out to my dad over and over to help the poor person who laid motionless in the middle of the woods. But when I reached them, they were far from gone. There was blood, a lot of it. I could hardly stand the gory horror movies with the blood even knowing it was fake. But this was something entirely different. Blood was absolutely everywhere, pooling from the neck. I was mortified. I ran back screaming, fully broken out into sobs as I tried to explain to my dad what I’d seen. That was the first animal attack in years. Ever since then, I’ve had what the doctor’s called ‘hemophobia’. It had gotten better over the years, the only exception being television or movies where I mostly closed my eyes, but physically? Needles and blood draws were a different story entirely.

“I’ll be coming around with a dropper of water to prepare your cards, so please don’t start until I get to you.” I felt like all my senses had heightened. At Mike’s table again, he started by carefully putting one drop of water in each of the four squares. “Then I want you to carefully prick your finger with the lancet…” He grabbed Mike’s hand and plunged the spike into the tip of Mike’s middle finger. Fuck. I felt sweat accumulate on my body, my hands leaving marks on the black countertop.

“Put a small drop of blood on each of the prongs.” He demonstrated, squeezing Mike’s finger till the blood flowed. That was it. The entire room spun around me and I couldn’t move a single inch. The words of Mr. Banner turned into a mumble as the ringing in my ears rang at an uncomfortable volume. I squeezed my eyes shut, attempting to tune out the entire world. A flash of red floods through my vision, not blood, but hair. A fiery red shade that complimented her pale skin and dark lips. She ran through a forest, impossibly fast, never breaking a sweat. Next to her, a man, just as pale as her, blonde with his hair tucked away in a ponytail. Then a third, one with much darker skin, but they all shared the same quality: red, bloodthirsty eyes. Then there’s water. A dock. A boat. Then, blood. Lots of it.

“Y/N, are you alright?” a voice said. I opened my eyes and I was back in the classroom, Mr. Banner hovering over me. What the fuck.

“I– uh– I already know my blood type,” I said in a weak voice, wiping the sweat from my hands on my pants.

“Are you feeling faint?” I nodded in response. “Can someone take Y/N to the nurse, please?” I didn’t even have to look around to know that it was Mike who volunteered to take me.

I attempted to stand, but Mike had practically ran to my side, putting his arm around my waist and my arm to his shoulder, forcing me to lean on him on the way out of the classroom. While he lugged me across campus, my mind was moving faster than my body, which had almost completely shut down from the shock.

“Can we stop for a minute, please? I– I just need to sit.” I yelped out. He brought me to a bench on the side of the building before I begged, “And p-please, keep your hand in your pocket.” I didn’t know what would happen if I saw blood again. I shivered at the thought.

“Bella?” his voice called from the distance. No, please, no.

“What’s wrong – is she hurt?” His voice was much closer, a voice filled with worry?

I didn’t even bother opening my eyes, instead I rocked my body back and forth, knocking my head on the wall, hoping that by some miracle, I was dreaming.

“I think she fainted. She didn’t even stick her finger, I don’t know what happened.” I could hear the stress in Mike’s voice, also the anger. He wanted more than anything for Edward to go away and so did I.

“Y/N.” Edward was inches away from my face. “Can you hear me?”

“No,” I groaned. “Go away.” A chuckle left his lips.

“I was taking her to the nurse,” Mike explained defensively, “but she wanted to stop.”

“I’ll take her,” Edward said. Please, no. “You can go back to class.”

“No,” Mike protested. Oh god, here we go again. “I’m supposed to do it.” Even with my eyes closed, I could picture Mike attempting to stand his ground against Edward, who was probably three inches taller than him. If I wasn’t so mentally and physically drained, I would’ve giggled at just the mental picture.

Suddenly I didn’t feel the bench anymore. My eyes shot upon. Edward had effortlessly scooped me up in his arms as if I weighed nothing at all.

“Put me down!” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I could hear Mike yelling in the back, but Edward had already strode quick enough to the point where he was only a mumble.

“You look awful,” he said, grinning.

“Edward. Please put me down.” The rocking felt worse. He wasn’t listening, so I settled my arms around his neck to steady my movements. I couldn’t help but notice how much his body had gone rigid. 

“So you faint at the sight of blood?” he asked. Yes... and apparently have freaky visions too… I didn’t answer. “And not even your own blood,” he continued, obviously amusing himself.

“Oh my,” I heard a female voice gasp.

“She fainted in Biology,” Edward explained.

Opening my eyes, I found myself in the office with Edward already making his way to the nurse’s door, to which a lady opened for him. Edward gently placed me on the cot, moving only just inches away from me.

“She’s just a little faint,” he said to the nurse. “They’re blood typing in Biology.”

“Just lie down for a minute, hon. It’ll pass.” I nodded in response. “Does this happen a lot?”

“Hasn’t happened in a while.” I couldn’t help, but notice Edward from the side of me, barely being able to contain a laugh.

The nurse faced Edward. “You can go back to class now,” she told him.

“I’m supposed to stay with her.” The nurse didn’t seem to argue with him. How did Edward have such a way with people?

The nurse had left the room to get ice, to which I laid down on the cot, groaning, “You were right.”

“I usually am – but about what in particular this time?” I didn’t have the energy to argue.

“Ditching is healthy.”

“You scared me back there.” His tone surprised me. The way his breath hitched, as if he was confessing his deepest darkest secrets; that he was worried about me. “I thought Newton was dragging your dead body off to bury it in the woods.”

I stifled a chuckle. I tried to imagine poor Mike Newton, anxiety and all, trying to cover up my murder.

“How’d you see me? Thought you were ditching?” I sat up, facing him. Finally, the dizzy spell had passed.

“I was in my car, listening to a CD.” For some reason, it surprised me. So, he was normal-ish?

The door opened, revealing the nurse with an ice pack in hand, laying it across my forehead. “You’re looking better,” she chirped.

“Yeah, I think–” I was interrupted by the door opening, the receptionist had her head peeking through, claiming there was a boy waiting at the door for me.

The door fully opened to reveal Mike, awkwardly walking through the door, glancing from me to Edward, a look of loathe stretched across his face.

“You look better.” I nodded in response. He continued, “So, you ready to go back to class?”

The nurse interrupted before I could reply, “I think it would be best if she stayed. What’s your next class, dear?”

“Gym.”

“Oh my, Ms. Cope here will get a note right out to your class, dear, don’t you worry about that!”

Mike left awkwardly, mumbling, “Feel better. See you at the beach.” before heading back to Biology. I didn’t even realize Edward had left too. I took the time alone to lie back down, placing the ice pack back on my forehead, hoping the ice would numb my mind too.

I felt the cot from beneath me disappear and was once again surprised to see Edward scooping me up in his arms. I yelped, “What are you doing?!”

“Taking you home.” As it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Once we were through the doors, I could feel all eyes on me, both the nurse and Ms. Cope looked at me in admiration. I could feel my cheeks burning red from the embarrassment.

“I can walk, you know?”

“Yep.” I didn’t miss the smirk on his lips, especially when we’d passed Mike, who’d become even more red from the sight of us. Edward simply laughed it off.

As soon as we got to the parking lot, he set me on my feet, leaving us both to walk side by side until we reached our cars.

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?”

“A little, yeah.” That damn smile. 

When I went to walk over to my own car, something caught my jacket, yanking me back.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked, his eyebrows completely raised.

“Home?”

“I promised I’d safely take you home. You think I’m going to let you drive in your condition?”

He was right, as much as I hated to admit it. Not even twenty minutes ago I was recovering from a dizzy spell, accompanied by whatever the hell I saw when I closed my eyes. I only asked, “What about my car?”

“I’ll have Alice drop it off for you after school.” He loosened his grip on my jacket, placing his hand on my back to guide me to his car, to which he opened and closed for me once I’d gotten in.

He got into his car and settled his keys in, cranking up the heat. I didn’t even realize how freezing I was until he cranked up the heat, which eventually settled down my shivers. Before we set off, I told him my address. Then, a familiar tune flooded my ears.

“Clair de Lune?” I asked, surprised. When he said he was listening to a CD, I didn’t know what I’d expect to blare from his speakers, but it definitely wasn’t the elegance of Claude Debussy.

“You know Debussy?” He sounded just as surprised as I was.

“From my mom.” I nodded. “She plays a lot of classical music – I only know a couple of my favorites.”

“It’s one of my favorites, too.”

I leaned back into the gray leather seat, watching the rain, and letting the music soothe my nerves. The view outside had blurred completely into green and gray streaks, showing just how fast we were going, but the ride had felt as smooth as ever.

“If you don’t mind me asking… Why are you sensitive to blood?”

“Um…” I paused. For some reason, I felt alright with telling him. No one else had known besides my dad, the doctors, and the occasional therapist. “When I was 12, I saw an animal attack. It was in the woods by my house. There was a lot of blood… and since then, I don’t know… I just freak out.”

“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely.

I let silence invade the space, before mumbling, “Your turn.”

“What?” He looked terrified. As if I’d just asked him to reveal one of his deepest and darkest secrets.

“Tell me something about yourself. It doesn’t have to be as deep and traumatic as mine… What about your family?” I deserved to know even a portion about his life at least.

“What do you want to know?”

“The Cullens adopted you?” I confirmed.

“Yes.”

“Can I ask what happened to your parents?” I didn’t expect an answer. Even after all that I’ve told him, it seemed too overbearing.

“They died a long time ago.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “I don’t remember them much. Carlisle and Esme are all I’ve ever known really. I couldn’t imagine two better people.”

“I’m glad.” I continued on, “And your brother and sister?”

“My brother and sister, and Jasper and Rosalie for that matter… they are going to be quite upset if they have to stand in the rain to wait for me.” He chuckled.

“Oh, shit.” I hadn’t even realized we stopped, let alone in front of my house already. “Sorry, yeah, I’ll um– see you later?” 

I didn’t get out of the car yet. I wanted to ask him something, even if I ended up regretting it later.

“Did you wanna come with us to the beach?” I breathed out.

A smile littered across his face. “Which beach?” Was he considering it?

“La Push.”

His smile lessened. So I asked, “Something wrong?”

“No, sorry.” His eyebrows furrowed intensely. “I just remembered Emmett and I had plans. Hiking in the Goat Rock Wilderness.”

“Oh,” I said. “Well, have fun.” I tried to hide my disappointment, but I don’t think I fooled him too much. A smile was still spread across his face, almost amused by how I reacted.

Just as I was about to open the door, he said, “Maybe another time. Just the two of us. Somewhere more quiet.” I felt shivers down my spine.

“Y-yeah.” I stuttered. “Thanks for the ride.”

Slamming the door shut, I turned to face him, his smile still radiating even after he drove off.

next chapter

a/n: this one is a lot longer than the others and i had to rely on the book a lot for some of the dialogue, but just some little changes here and there! i hope you all like it!

tags: @measure-in-pain @brekkers-whore @rejectedbimbo @leilanileila

[sugarywishes]

Presuming all the Afton Family had survived, what was their ambitions for when they were older? In terms of jobs, goals, things they want to do, etc... And same goes for the Emily Family as well, I'm quite curious to see what you have to say given the direction you have taken these characters in your AU.

God, I'm super pumped up to answer this one, sorry for the late response! (I assume you mean if they had all survived, that the Bite incident never occurred, so I'll be basing the answers off of that idea!) Also, the answers are insanely long 😭😭

Okay we're going back to the regular formula and starting off with William. No dead son = no reason to kill children, which means THE MCI AND KCI KIDS LIVEDDD!! Although his violent urges would still manifest in him abusing the kids and his wife. And also because of no dead son, he kept working with Henry. (Although he'd get more and more sick of him as years go by) I honestly think he wouldn't mind continuing the way his life used to be for a very long while, as long as he kept control of everything, and of course, control of Evan. In the universe where the Bite never happened, his dreams did come true.

Onto Clara, I definitely do not see her staying for long with William any longer, he's broken her down for years and essentially ruined her life. I can see 4 possible futures she could've had, either A. She'd flee Utah and reluctantly go back with her horrible family, seeing as they are the only ones who she thinks William wouldn't consider her going with (As if he'd bother going after her) B. She'd leave and move to a city, probably to finish her schooling and maybe she'll get to become a ballet teacher! (Too bad she never accomplished her original dreams...) C. She'd leave and maybe take the remaining kids with her (I'm not sure if she'd even want to take care of William's spawns, but I'm also not sure she'd just ditch them at an orphanage) or D. Leave the family and have a new one, promptly abandoning her children. I think between her and William, she was more likely to want better romance for herself (in my original rewrite for FNAF, I considered having her in an affair with another man in the midst of Pre-FNAF 4, but I thought it seemed really melodramatic, not sure if I'd bring it back though)

So with Mike, the Bite incident is what gave way to his redemption arc and what made him become a better human being, but because it didn't happen, he never grew past being a total piece of shit. His biggest goal would be however, to get away from his family as soon as possible, so I think he'd run away at 18 (maybe he asked Jeremy to run away with him too /hj) and I think he'd want to make it to California or New York or Chicago (cause yk they're the cool places of the time, do you think he'd want go to Wyoming or something?? HELL NO) I always headcanoned Mike as wanting to be a Rockstar when he grew up, or at least some kind of musician. I don't know if he would've accomplished that. It's up to ones imagination. I can see him becoming kinda sleazy. Maybe he'd get into the party scene and become totally unleashed. Would he have want a normal settled lifestyle? Not sure. Another goal is to try and save his mom from William (he didn't consider saving his siblings, because he thought they'd be fine with him)

For Elizabeth, she'd want to try harder and harder to win her dad's affection, and it probably will never work. I'm honestly skeptical if she would ever be interested in romantic relationships, I think if she would, she'd just do it to fill the hole in her heart. For jobs, she'd probably try and inherit her dad's job. Her efforts wouldn't work. For other job ideas, she probably wouldn't really have many careers she'd want, she'd probably settle for a mundane and 'simple' job like nursing or teaching, or even working as a cashier. She preferred being home than actually working. Maybe she would've become a caretaker for her parents when they got older. I don't think she would've ever been disillusioned from the idea of her father being the best, no one would've stayed to help free her.

Finally, Evan, boy oh boy, did he dream. His biggest goal was to just- make real friends. At least one. But that can never happen to him, his father said so himself! (Yeah, because Evan still lived, William further exploiting and abused him 😔) but hey, I can imagine Evan eventually escaping his family! Maybe he can become an artist, or an inventor, or a toy maker, or maybe he can become a depressed recluse. (I think if Evan had lived, bite or not, he could've basically become the Boo Radley of FNAF). I don't think he would ever develop any romances with anyone (how could he??) I see Evan's future as being very uncertain. Maybe he will get a happy ending, but he doesn't think he's worthy of one :(

Okay moving on from that depress sesh, it's Henry's time! I think he'd be open to the idea of getting a new wife, although Charlie would absolutely hate that idea, (okay Lydia Deetz). Someone to give his Charlotte a sense of femininity she so lacks. Best case scenario, it's some random woman he knows, worst case it's Jeremy's horrible mom 😭😭 Anyways, besides getting a new wife, he'd still try and swerve Charlie into a more girly lifestyle like how his wife wanted. Moving onto business, he'd probably still keep Fredbear's up and running, he probably would've become ambitious enough to sell it off and try to become the next 'Disney' (it won't really work, but selling it off did give him tons of cash!) Maybe he'd still try to cut off the Aftons? Besides that, I dunno how else life would go for him, I'll think abt it more eventually.

And finally for Charlie, she wants to become independent and free and all that stuff. So her first course of action is to do whatever she wants with no limits and judgements from her dad! (That would be a very hard task to do...she could probably end up cutting contact with him) and I can see her getting a career in something that helps people, doesn't matter what it is as long as she can assist people and make them feel better. I don't think she'd become romantically involved w/ anyone either. I'm not sure if she'd stay friends with the Aftons either.

Suffice to say, everyone has a kind of negative or uncertain fate. Probably because I haven't thought of anything good that could happen to them without completely changing everything. Hope this was a sufficient response!

[imlivinginyourtrashcan]

The sudden urge to run to my computer and rewrite the stories that have toxic creators is insane

Not gonna tag but also holy fuck

[mamajankyy]

IN TODAYS ADVENTURES OF SHARK BOY AND WARRIOR GIRL:

Summary: Attuma is ill and Okoye is there to aid him back to health.

Word count: 1.4k

Read here on ao3

Okoye’s loyalty to those she loves is immovable, impenetrable, and unwavering; in short, she doesn’t quit. A life devoted to battle and protecting shaped her into the impeccable warrior she is now. Stripping of title or stature would never change that. She had fought countless fights against countless foes that ranged in species and color. There was one fight that had her considering waving her white flag and rewriting everything she knew to be true about herself.

Caring for an ill man. A massive, blue, bullheaded, shark tooth-adorned man-child baby.

A lot of the traits he took on while ill were ones he possessed regularly, but it was as if they were magnified and multiplied ten times over. Clingy, touchy, cocky, smothering, and needy all in all a nuisance to Okoye, especially when she’s trying to be of assistance. She may think it, but she would never voice her feelings about sick Tuma.

A sewage problem and a forgetful Attuma did not make a good combination. The city Okoye lived in had backed-up pipes and everyone in the area was urged not to use tap water until further notice. Okoye made sure to inform Attuma of this so he’d use filtered water to refill his rebreathers when necessary. She even went so far as to leave some bottles out for him. Attuma did not heed her warnings and now he was suffering the consequences. A nasty stomach bug and an insane fever morphed him into a being she’d never expect from Attuma.

Now here they were in their very large bathroom. Attuma sprawled out in their massive spa-sized tub. It may as well have been an indoor pool, but Okoye felt the size was perfect for her Shark. She was sitting on the edge of the tub dabbing his forehead with a wet washcloth. Doing whatever to help quell his aches really.

“I do not get sick” He protested. It’d been three days of the same weightless declarations.

How Okoye had managed not to blow a fuse? She was unsure.

“Then explain the profuse sweating and how you struggle to keep something as meager as vegetable broth down. Hm?” Okoye retorted as she swatted his wandering hands to continue her task of drenching him in cooled water. She tilted his head upwards to wipe beads of, said sweat, before they dropped; and then kissed the newly dry spot.

“Perspiration is to be expected when one is in close contact with the sun, no?” Attuma’s face twisted slightly as he talked through another gut-twisting pain, trying his very best to convince her he was fine. “Come join me in K’iino, the water’s excellent” He smiled at her and moved his hand to rest on her knee, just below the hem of her dress. His thumbs kneaded her smooth skin, and since she hadn’t removed his hands yet, he tested his luck moving his ministrations further up north.

She hadn’t missed the flash of discomfort on his face, so she allowed his hands to wander up her dress for a few moments, just to see just how convincing he thought he really was. She plucked them away once they were dangerously close to the apex of her thighs.

Who did he think he was fooling?

Okoye kissed her teeth and stepped just out of his reach. “Had you used the head that faces the sky instead of the one that cowers beneath your loincloth you would not be in the tub looking like a sweaty plum.” Her voice was soft, almost sweet, but there was still that tinge of annoyance. She didn’t feel right snapping at him completely, especially when he was trying very hard to downplay his true feelings; but she still made sure to get her point across.

It was true, due to his ill state and constant perspiration he had taken on a purplish hue.

“It does not cower! My bearings are proud, as am I. Come here and I will make you proud as we-“His offer was cut short by another wave of stomach pain.

It was rare for the Talokanil to be struck ill. The herb that was welded into their DNA rendered them immune to many illnesses. Attuma’s insides were quite literally battling to expel all of the foreign bacteria that’d infiltrated his systems. As respected of a General as he was, he was sure that this was a battle he wouldn’t victor. This may as well have been his Endgame..no Thanos.

“Oh, my love” Okoye cooed as she resumed her spot beside him. She leaned over enough to rub his stomach in an attempt to soothe him. The close proximity allowed her to lay a few kisses along the side of his head and she did so. That slightly annoyed tone she had before was now reduced to a much more loving and syrupy one. She found herself switching between the two very often with Attuma, especially now.

The warrior was losing her battle as well. Knowing the illness and pain Attuma was experiencing was all new to him tugged at her heart voraciously. It was hard to see her affectionate brute in this state. What may have been a mere stomach virus to any surface dweller was doing a number on her beloved husband.

When she first noticed something was off with Attuma she practically dragged him to Shuri for testing. His symptoms weren’t severe due to his enhanced DNA, but lack of appetite was not something Okoye was going to let slide. Attuma thought it was silly but the thought of being an added stress to his love was bigger than his protesting. Shuri ran plenty of tests and once she found it was from the water the only aid she’d been able to give was the virus simply had to run its course. If the General wasn’t back to himself by the end of the week Shuri told them to come back to the lab.

Okoye tried to get Attuma to go back to Talokan until he felt better, she figured being out of the water didn’t make sense when he could be home with his healers. Of course, Attuma refused. Shuri planted the seed of Okoye taking care of him until he was better and a much more lewd image had taken root in his mind. He was thinking more along the lines of those sexy maid costumes M’Baku showed him once before. Those fantasies were quickly shelved once the stomach griping started.

True to her word, Okoye had been by his side without faltering. Though she nearly had to pull her spear on him just to get him to rest for more than 10 minutes, she took the task with stride. She made him light meals that wouldn’t upset his stomach too much, rubbed and massaged his stomach until he fell asleep in her arms, braided his hair so it wouldn’t be a tangled mess, and did whatever else she could think of to bring him any form of reprieve.

“K’iino… I’m sure I will be immediately healed if you just joined me. I will not turn my mind loose and get handsy. I promise” Okoye couldn’t help the snort that slipped due to Attuma returning the phrases she often used against him.

Her heart ached for him, and she found herself tossing her dress somewhere unknown and climbing into the water with him. She settled in behind him and he sunk so that his head rested on her chest. The position was awkward given the setting, but she was just thankful she’d gotten a big enough tub where they could both fit comfortably. Especially since she discovered Attuma liked to be the little spoon when he was sick.

Cuddling was always high on his list of Okoye related favorites. He loved laying on her chest and letting her heart’s rhythm play in his ears. He also loved being engulfed by her scent, which never failed to quiet any anxieties he may have. She was essential in his healing as well as his general well-being.

Okoye pressed a few kisses to his head before she began massaging his scalp. They stayed like that until Attuma convinced her he was okay to lay in their bed. She made quick work of cleaning the bathroom and discarding her soaked undergarments. When she finally entered their bedroom she found him curled up with one of her pillows in the center of their bed asleep. She cut on the humidifiers and climbed into bed. Once she was comfortable behind him, she draped her arm across his waist and began rubbing large circles until she joined him in a deep slumber.

Attuma be like.

[believerindaydreams]

@lurking-latinist

"The Town That Was Mad" is a Dylan Thomas play about a small village in Wales that's put on trial by the outside world for being completely insane, in rather the same vein as "Trial of a Time Lord"; only the basic joke is that all the nice, cruel, silly, sinning human people in it are sane and it's the entire rest of the world, trying to dictate absolute standards of What Is Correct Behaviour, that's mad really.

It also doesn't exist; the play rewrote itself over the course of his life into "Under Milkwood", where the village is tucked in a safe, cosy corner of a mythical Wales, and nobody's ever questioned their right to exist, and they're allowed to just be. To live their lives. To be happy, without having to agonizingly justify their right to existence any longer.

That the narrator of the story, who starts off in TTWM trying to justify this town's existence by telling its story, and ends by being able to live and breathe in Under Milkwood, is identifable with Dylan is an axiom, because the play had an explicit narrator and he played it.

And Rusty's from Swansea, same as Dylan, so he knows perfectly well what's he's doing when he's invoking this very particular notion of a world gone mad, and a narrative that's rewriting itself to be kinder as it goes along, and a Doctor who begins with his story he thought was settled only to find that he's started rewriting it himself, and who ends by finally internalising the notion, after sixty years, that he's allowed to stop justifying his existence and just- be. Have human urges. Drink orange squash. Be looked after. Be happy.

So it's the sort of story you'd come up with, if you're Welsh, and you're grieving, and you also happen to be in charge of a science fiction television show that explicitly gives you the power to rewrite narratives within the internal logic of the show.

It's a story about stories.

It's a story about hiraeth.

It's a story about this meddler who upsets settled narratives; and I've been dealing with the same thing because I've spent this autumn here, trying to write a novel about somebody else entirely, and this fucker with the initials DT barged in and started rewriting it to be kinder without bothering to ask my permission.

The village in Milkwood has a reversed name, the forward version of which is an amusing swear.

And if you reverse Dylan Thomas' initials-

well-

bet you five pound that somebody with the initials RTD has thought up this joke long since.

[serenxanthe]

An exerpt from Coruscant: A SWTOR Story

In which Theron does a really bad job of concealing his relationship with Seren from colleague and alleged friend Jonas Balkar

The rest of the story is on AO3 here (accessible to guest readers and commenters)

Two hours and two whiskies later Theron was part way through the report. It was slow going; every time he had to write a factual account of something Seren had said, a decision she’d made, or her combat techniques, his mind kept drifting to them. Sometimes it was pleasant if distracting thoughts of last night, sometimes it was panicky thoughts of all the pitfalls of being involved with a Jedi, or well, anyone really. 

Theron groaned as Jonas Balkar walked into the bar, sat down at his table and downed the rest of Theron’s whisky before signalling the barman to bring two more. “What are you doing here Balkar?” Theron asked, “and how did you even know I was here?”

Jonas chuckled, “Did you forget that I’m the one who showed you this place?” 

Theron groaned again. He had in fact forgotten.

“The Director is wearing a groove in his office carpet waiting for your Esseles report, Shan. What’s the hold up?” Jonas asked.

Theron opened his mouth to give Balkar some generic excuses and assurances, but the words, “Jonas, I think I’m in a very serious relationship.” came out of his mouth, to both men’s surprise.

Jonas stared at him, “What? How? I saw you four days ago on Nar Shaddaa, and you were definitely single then, or at least that’s what you told that twi’lek dancer.” 

Theron put his head in his hands, “I was. I met her on The Esseles.” 

Jonas stared at him, “Are you insane? How can you be in a very serious relationship after 24 hours? And when did you get a chance to meet someone anyway? Assuming you’re the mysterious ‘Republic Agent’ who aided Knight Asterried in saving the Esseles, and if you’re not, you need to resign.”

Theron removed his hands from his face and gave him a look, and Jonas nodded and continued, “Right. So you spent the entire time with a Jedi Knight, when did you have time to meet a girl?”

Theron put his head in his hands again.

Jonas looked at him speculatively, then grabbed the data pad with the half-finished report on it, skim read it, and resisted the urge to smack Theron on the head with it. “A JEDI Theron, really? I know you have mommy issues but…”

Theron snatched the report out of Jonas’ hands, his face furious. If he’d had a couple more drinks, he probably wouldn’t have been able to stop himself punching Balkar for that comment, but as it was, he subsided, glaring at him.

Jonas was unimpressed. “You need to rewrite that report Shan, it needs to be about half the length, and you need to cut out around 90% of the hyperbole about how amazing this Jedi of yours is.”

Theron opened his mouth to snarl at him, but realised that this was in fact good advice. He sighed, “Balkar, you’ll know, where can I get her some emergency contraception?”

Jonas stared at him, then began a slow, sarcastic, round of applause, “Wow, Theron, wow. That’s some quality adulting right there.”

Theron had the grace to look ashamed, but pressed, “So do you know, or not?”

Balkar shook his head and gave him the address of a pharmacy he trusted. “I still don’t get it; how does one night of forbidden and probably very athletic fun mean you’re in a serious relationship?”

Theron thought about it. “I actually thought it would be just one night, but I wasn’t… happy about it.” He had been devastated in fact, he hadn’t wanted to waste a minute of the night sleeping, when he could be looking at her and holding her. “But out of the blue, she asked me to stay in her apartment on Coruscant while we’re both here.”

Jonas looked sympathetic, “Whoa, sorry man, I bet you didn’t see that one coming with a Jedi. How are you going to let her down gently?”

Theron blinked, “I’m… not? When she asked me, I was happy, really happy.” He’d almost cried, but not even an Imperial torture droid would be able to drag that detail out of him. “I have feelings for her, Balkar.” He continued. It was more than that, but he wasn’t even admitting that to himself, his mind just kept skipping past the idea.

Jonas was looking at him in confusion, “You… want to live with her? You want to be in a relationship with her?”

Theron thought about it again. He thought about her smile, her laugh, her sense of humour, her bravery. “I do, Jonas. I really do.”