#the victoria’s secret avoiding supports it

[chai-berries]

ellie coming up behind you and snapping your bra band against your skin, making you jump in surprise. she keeps walking by, barely sparing a glance until you let out a whine of “elllliiiiiieeeeee” and then she’s turning to take you in her arms, rubbing the skin under your bra band. “i’m sorry. it was funny tho” she hides her grin in your shoulder. she takes your offended slap on the shoulder no problem, the smile still on her face when she pulls away. “why are you wearing a bra anyway? here, lemme help you take it off” she barely finishes her sentence when her fingers undo the hooks, letting your “silly” bra drop to the ground. “hmm that’s better. hug time?” “you are like the horniest person i know” you laugh, tightening your hold on her, your bodies smushed together. “and i take that title very seriously. now c’mere” and she’s pressing her lips to yours

[agendabymooner]

closure ! max v. x ofc (hearth sister!ofc)

“it wasn't right—the way it all went down. looks like you know that now.”

summary: sylvie just wanted to prove that she was good enough for the red bull racing team, but everything that had to do with her history with max seemed to get in the way of her determination— and she made sure that he knew that.

content warning: panic attack (and its triggers), use of explicit language, mentions of absent father figure, j*s verst*ppen 🤢, christian horner, frenemies to lovers (ish), confrontational text messages (max and sylvie), max being oblivious to her mental state, mentions of max’s childhood (not detailed)

note: as someone who struggled to find peace at certain situations, I know what it’s like to struggle in asking for help. please remember that there are people that are more than willing to give you the support that you need.

(i may not be able to update any of the smau works for the next two weeks as i am out of town and i only have my ipad with me. i normally do the layouts on my computer. i’ll try my best!)

enjoy xx

masterlist

2016 Spanish GP

If fate worked like this all the time, she might as well jump off the cliff if any of her peers asked for it.

She had been pulled out of her lectures for the week only for her to sit and watch how the racing teams operated. She could only roll her eyes when Christian Horner recommended she should have her presence be known in the paddock and the track as she prepared to work in an F1 team.

Sylvie already knew how everything worked; she was going to be a driver, for fuck’s sake. She had been trained for it. She grew up attending the race weekends because of her father and grandparents. She knew everything now. Hell, she even had Toto Wolff for an in-law (practically). He could just rerun everything to her if she needed to remember.

Christian Horner clearly had a different intention towards her visit. He claimed that she needed to relive the experiences in the garage, the media pit and the hospitality. But she knew the truth.

She had a rapport, her history in the academy was obviously discussed to Christian at some point. How Christian never mentioned anything about her departure from the program to her sister, who now held parts of Red Bull and the other two teams, she never had an answer for. It wasn’t a secret to most. At least to those who were there the day she left.

Tilly was in the Mercedes area, leaving her little sister in the Red Bull hospitality as she listened to nothing. She felt so alone and isolated, her urge to go to Mercedes was overwhelming. But it wasn’t as if she could; Christian had already told her off about her role and position in the company.

It didn’t help that Max Verstappen, donning his number 33 shirt, was in the same building. He was quite adamant on keeping her company but she constantly avoided him, slipping out of his sight as soon as his eyes settled on her.

She found excuses, most of which had something to do with Daniel Ricciardo. The Australian hadn’t minded though, knowing that she felt uncomfortable being around other people especially around Max. Daniel never minded her excuses, instead making up a lie that’s believable to others. Just so she could escape.

Max’s family was there that weekend. Obviously, she knew his mother and Victoria, his sister. Max and Sylvie, the two 18 year olds, were practically soul twins. Born on the same day, grew up together, and had been attached to the hips since the day they could crawl— they were friends, no one just knew what had happened. His mother had always asked Sylvie’s mum about her and how she’d managed to let her friendship with Max dissipate like that. Victoria missed having Sylvie over for tea whenever she visited the Netherlands, asking Max about what he had done to let Sylvie go like that.

Jos Verstappen was a different story. He never liked Sylvie, only holding a certain amount of respect for Julius Hearth and Blanche Ford Hearth. He always wanted Max to be successful at motorsport and this meant that nobody could be as equally good as his son. Not especially when Max’s ability matched Sylvie’s. He always claimed that hanging out with “that girl” will simply distract Max.

Even if he nodded at his father’s direction, Max continued to be friends with Sylvie, spending more time together whenever she and her family would fly and meet with his family.

At the ripe age of 12, Max admitted to her that she’s the closest thing that he had to an imaginary friend. Like he was forced to grow up before he could even walk. She was the one who would pull up the PlayStation whenever he failed to please his father for the tournament of that time. Jos never liked her, but he didn’t know exactly what could’ve made him dislike her. Sylvie didn’t like him, either, because she couldn’t believe that she was the one who’d have to give Max the childhood that he deserved. There are times when she wished she could simply spew out the foulest words and lump him with her own father. Well… she had already considered him a shitty father, and there’s no changing of opinion now.

So for Sylvie to see Jos in the paddock, basically keeping his eye on his son like a pestering hawk? Yeah, she turned away from their direction.

Then another group of people came, the same arrogant smile all over their faces. They taunted her.

She could remember her last week at the academy, when she had enough. These boys questioned her abilities on the track as soon as she started, trying to get her to quit as soon as she could. She didn’t care about them, because whenever they’d race she remained on the top of their level. They hated her because of it. Then on her last day, she was left to be called a name that didn’t even fit her…

“Snake Sylvie!” Matt Bauer was what she called Max’s bitch. He never liked Sylvie and had always wanted to be in Max’s family’s good graces. Alongside him were Max’s two other friends. These three were the same incompetent fucks who never ended in Formula 2. Thus, ending their racing careers early. They were doing fuck knows what these days. Which was quite hilarious, if you were to ask Sylvie, because they were the ones who kept telling Max to “Keep working” or “toughen up and get the first place.”

She couldn’t remember their names when she met them again that weekend, her eyes were already blurry from the tears as she shoved her way through them. “Where are you going?! We’re just going to catch up, babe!”

She didn’t even stop, her feet speeding up as she attempted to wipe her tears away. Her lips let out a stutter of excuse me as she pushed her way into where the Mercedes garage was.

Second free practice didn’t start anytime soon and Sylvie was thankful for that. It, however, never stopped the camera by the engineering station from capturing the sounds of a sobbing girl and an image of her nearly soaked Red Bull shirt as she ran inside. Had she been stronger than this, she wouldn’t have ran to Toto.

As if he knew someone was coming his way, Toto Wolff immediately took his headphones off and turned. His face etched with worry as Sylvie wrapped her arms around his broad figure. She was hysterically sobbing and shaking, her tears almost soaking his white shirt as she kept her head tucked in his chest.

“Can we stop the camera? There’s an obvious situation going on in here and we need a moment,” Sylvie couldn’t hear his voice as it was something more of a rumbling noise. Meanwhile Toto’s stern expression made the cameraman do as he was told. “Hey, schwester, are you okay?”

She was relentless, sobbing as she kept her head down and her arms tightly wrapped around him. She couldn’t speak. Not breathe for that matter. It felt like the last day of the academy all over again. Having no voice felt like she was just as defenseless once more.

“Sylvie, do you want me to take you to your hospitality?” Her bloodshot red eyes, still tearing up, stared into his dark ones as her lips quivered and her head shook left and right. “Do you want your sister?”

Toto knew that the Mercedes hospitality was nearer to the Red Bull area than the Mercedes garage. So for her to go this far just for comfort… something told him that she didn’t want to stress out the pregnant woman and that she needed more than her sister.

He pursed his lips, feeling helpless as he kept an arm around her shoulder as they walked out of the garage. He nodded at his engineers as if he was letting them know about leaving for a moment.

He did his best at comforting her. Rubbed her back, shushing her quietly and gently leading her to the hospitality. People outdoors had gotten a glimpse of her situation and began to speculate, which forced her to hide her face once more as Toto glared at them.

“Come on, schatzi,” inside nobody had batted an eye on her. And instead of speculating, certain people merely looked at the two with concern. What the hell happened, they probably asked themselves.

She was too busy crying and hiding her face away that she hadn’t realized Tilly was already approaching the two. Sylvie didn’t look up until she heard, “What happened, bello?”

“She came to the garage,” Toto said quietly, looking down at his in-law with concern as he said, “she couldn’t say anything because she’s having a hard time breathing.”

“Oh, lovie,” Tilly whispered empathetically, her delicate figure reaching out to hug her little sister, “I’m sorry to hear that. Come, let’s sit down, yes?”

Sylvie could barely think throughout the process of moving from one place to another. They reached the Mercedes motorhome and found themselves in a private room, Sylvie’s lips were swollen and her tear-stained cheeks were red.

She wasn’t even aware that Toto left until his tall figure returned with two bottles of water in his hands. He simply placed it down on the empty table and exchanged looks with his girlfriend. They couldn’t even find a way to help her out of this.

“Listen, Sylvie,” the girl’s sobbing subsided for a moment as Toto said, “I will come back. Okay? I will check and make sure that you’re alright, but I have to go.”

“Yes, go,” Tilly nodded at him, “I’ll be here. Thank you for taking her to me, mon amour.”

“Alright, I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Toto murmured as he leaned down and pecked Tilly’s lips. “I love you.”

“And I love you,” Tilly smiled ruefully, her eyes trained on her little sister as Toto moved to stand and hug Sylvie. Sylvie could only hug his waist, not wanting to let go but had done so anyway.

“Take some time to breathe, lovie,” Toto said for the last time before he left hesitantly.

Nobody but the two were inside the motorhome, thankfully. Sylvie would be so embarrassed to cry in front of other people— as she had done so ten minutes ago. The silence was interrupted by Sylvie’s sobbing. Tilly couldn’t help but wrap her arm around Sylvie’s shoulders, trying to occupy as much space as a pregnant woman could. God, this was the only thing that she didn’t like about her pregnancy. She wasn’t able to comfort her sisters or anyone as much as she’d like to do.

The model couldn’t even think or try to let out a single word, only crying in her sister’s arms as she listened to her shushing. It didn’t take long until the tears dried up. Her energy drained from crying too much over some fuckers who couldn’t even make it to the podium. Them, and that one person would be able to do that on Sunday.

With exhaustion washing over her, her sniffles turned into something more silent as she shut her eyes. It didn’t take long for Tilly to notice this as she stood up, giving more space to the girl on the couch. “Get some rest, lovie,” Tilly said quietly, brushing Sylvie’s hair away as the girl drifted off to sleep.

She really didn’t like being here in Spain.

—

Argument just outside the motorhome was what had woken her up. It was normal to have frustrated drivers or team principals throw a bitch fit, but hearing an argument was a different story.

Her eyes stung from opening after her post-crying nap, her feet meeting the floor as she popped the lid of the bottle open, her parched body taking in the water that she swallowed.

She liked eavesdropping, she really did. She liked to provide her own input even if it’s not needed— she was nosey and everyone knew that. But what she had gone through just about an hour or so ago made her lose the energy and motivation to be her usual self.

It didn’t stop her from walking closer to the door and listening in to whatever argument was going on.

“She’s here to observe and work, she’s not here to spectate,” that was Christian Horner.

“But she’s not feeling well, Christian, she has to rest,” now that’s her favourite in-law. Not really in-law.

“Look, I get that you’re looking out for her but you have to understand,” Christian hissed, “she’ll be signing with Red Bull as soon as she graduates. I cannot have her working with the team if you’re constantly mollycoddling her just because you’re the closest that she has to a father figure. This is a professional work setting, Toto, and she needs to be disciplined to be a part of it.”

“Disciplined, in what way?” The sternness on Toto’s voice could kill, unless you’re just as stupid as Christian as Sylvie heard a scoff coming out of the Red Bull team principal’s mouth.

“Everybody’s going through tough times,” Christian said, “so what? Most of us are moving along anyways. Don’t treat her like a child and make exemptions. She’s never going to learn how to toughen up from it.”

“Hey!” Another voice rung out as the door opened slightly, making her step back as she heard an exclamation of, “That girl was distressed after she left your area— the place where she’s supposed to feel comfortable working in. It’s not her responsibility to bear the problems that are clearly happening within the area of your control, so don’t you tell us how to accommodate if you can barely take care of it. Alright?”

“Fuckin’ prick,” the door slammed shut as Sylvie’s figure remained frozen, her eyes watching as they met Lewis’ dark ones. He smiled gently and asked, “Hey. Are you feeling better now, sweetheart?”

She didn’t respond for a moment after she heard Toto say, “Just give it a rest. She’ll work on what she has to do, just let it go for now. Speak to Tilly, if you would like.”

“Don’t worry about them,” Lewis pulled her back to the couch and sat with her. He leaned back as he joked, “Lovers’ quarrel is what’s going on between the two.”

She chuckled quietly, unable to keep her facade. The laughter fell eventually as she muttered, “I didn’t mean to create such a scene. I’m sorry.”

“What? Hey, girl, no,” Lewis felt his heart break at her words as he reached and rubbed her shoulder for comfort. “Don’t be sorry for snapping. It’s brave of you to keep it together in the first place.”

“I really didn’t mean to make a big deal out of it,” her voice cracked as she tried not to cry. Thinking about it was exhausting and saddening. “It’s just— there’s—“

“It’s okay, take a deep breath,” Lewis told her softly. She did as she was told. Many would say that it’s a rare thing to happen but Sylvie listened.

“There’s just people,” Sylvie explained quietly, not looking at Lewis as she murmured, “I haven’t seen them for a while and… I felt so uneasy. Like it’s the final nail in the coffin. I didn’t want to make a big deal because it was at Red Bull. Nobody’s in there. Toto, you and Tilly are in Mercedes.”

“Sorry we couldn’t be there,” Lewis told her sympathetically. “But it’s a good idea that you went to the garage as quickly as you did. Now look, even Christian’s facing Toto’s wrath.”

“I don’t want to think about it anymore,” Sylvie whispered shakily, shutting her eyes close as she sighed, “I just want some closure.”

The next few days were dreadful. She hadn’t wanted to go back to England as much as she did that weekend.

The people she never wanted to see were there. The sad part of it was the fact that Max would continue to be a part of her life and job, whether she liked it or not. She’d have to tolerate him, no matter how much shit she had gone through because of him and those people around him. This was the second time she had seen him and felt so angry. It was like her life was a race. It starts out very well, with her at the pole. But then she crashes the moment she tries to take advantage and overtake.

On Sunday, Max landed in P1. Sylvie watched him pop the cork of the Moet out and showered his fellow podium winners with it. The text that she then received and sent spilled everything that had nothing to do with champagne. But rather explained how she ended up leaving the academy after that damn open tournament four years ago.

Max complains a lot, he could admit, but he never felt so guilty as much as he did when he practically berated her through a series of text messages. He always demanded answers to things that he believed had explanations, and he wouldn’t stop until he got it. But sometimes he wished his relentless demands were silenced by his conscience.

He felt extremely guilty and upset. It wasn’t because Sylvie Hearth refused to give in to his demands, but rather because her answers explained her hatred and anger. It wasn’t just any anger. It was an ounce of hatred and a lot of anger directed towards him.

Because really, he was the reason why Sylvie never turned out to be the first woman to become a Formula One driver. She never got the seat in Red Bull Racing and Max had gotten it instead. Now he understood why she would refuse to speak to or look at him as if they were childhood best friends and act like they were strangers.

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey Chapter 10 -

♡ Chapter Inspo: King Of My Heart (TS) - " I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own. I made up my mind, I'm better off bein' alone. We met a few weeks ago, now you try on callin' me, baby, like tryin' on clothes "

♡♡》》𝟙𝟠+ 𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕐 𝔽𝕀ℂ! ℕ𝕆 𝕄𝕀ℕ𝕆ℝ𝕊 𝔸𝕃𝕃𝕆𝕎𝔼𝔻《《♡♡

♡ Summary: Winnie + Carm start to see eachother more regularly, Carm tries on having a bit more of a domestic life for once. ♡ W/C: 19,674 ♡ Posted Date: 03/03/2024 ♡ A/N: Its hereee! I hope it was worth the wait, it took me soooo long to edit it hahah - but were finally starting to get Carm cracked open a little!!! ♡ Warnings for BTC: Smoking cigarettes, swearing, fluff, oral (m receiving), speaking of motorcycle accidents, emotional distress, panic attacks, crying, negative self talk, talk of opiates

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

When Sugar dropped me off at home, she’d gotten out and helped me up the few steps to the front door of my building. “Are you sure you’ll be ok from here?” She asked, her voice still laced with concern due to my obvious pain and limp. She leaned against the iron railing, handing me back my bag that she’d graciously held on to as she helped me up the stairs.

I nodded, taking the bag from her and putting it on my shoulder. “Totally sure. Please- I promise this happens all the time. If anything, I’m sorry for putting you out. I really need to be more mindful- I’m the worst at overworking my injury. S’don’t worry, and thank you again, Sugar. This was so kind of you to do for me, especially since we’ve only met a few times. And…by the way, Even if Carm is too in his own head to tell you, I can see just how much you mean to him. I see how much you’ve shaped him as a person. You are an amazing sister, Natalie, really” I told her honestly, rubbing her arm gently. 

She pulled me into a hug, her face settling into my neck, and her arms wrapping under mine around my waist, squeezing gently. Just like Carm’s hugs. I smiled a bit, wrapping my arms around her and rubbing her upper back. I could smell the hairspray from when she curled her hair, as well as some kind of Victoria Secret perfume. Such a big sister. “Thank you, Winnie. That means a lot - really.” She said softly. 

“Also- you are an amazing mom I know it for sure, seeing as you’re such a good sister” I said and she squeezed me tighter. “Oh my gosh you are just too sweet.” She gushed and pulled away with a smile. “I gotta go pick up the littlest from daycare, stay safe ok?” She started back down the stairs towards the car. “You too, and thanks again, drive safe!” I told her and went into the entry hall, shutting the door behind me. I sighed softly as I looked at the daunting staircase.  48 stairs. I can do it. I have to do it.

It took me about an hour to climb all 3 flights of stairs, considering I had to stop every 4 steps or so and sit down for a few minutes, just to avoid my hip giving out again altogether, and likely causing me to tumble down the tiled stairs to my death. My hip was throbbing, screaming by the time I got to my floor. I was in tears again from the pain, my hands shaking as I unlocked my apartment door. 

Persephone meowed impatiently and I dropped my bag to the floor in a heap next to her in the entryway, slinging the door shut behind me. “You'll need to wait, m’sorry” I muttered to her and sniffled, limping over to the couch, and using every surface possible on the way there to support my weight. I collapsed on the sofa and kicked off my sneakers before lying down and digging my phone out of my pocket. 

I tried to stop the tears from flowing, wiping my tear-stained cheeks with my sleeves. It took about 45 minutes of scrolling on my phone before I felt well enough to get up, and get to the bathroom. I swallowed one of my pain pills, before limping into the kitchen and putting Persephone's food In her bowl. I moaned out in pain as I bent over, putting her bowl down and slowly pulling myself back up. 

She quickly started eating and I hobbled back to the bedroom, sitting on my bed as I took off my shirt and bra, standing to peel off my jeans from my thighs before sitting again to get them off my calves and ankles. I let out a heavy sigh, one of those post-sob sighs that was more like a gasp and rubbed my face roughly. When I pulled my hands away from their vicious rubbing of my eyes, my fingers were all streaked in black. I must look fucking nuts with mascara and eyeliner all over my face. I was honestly kind of scared to look in the mirror. 

I shook my head at the thought, getting up and padding over to my dresser, pulling the top drawer open and slipping on an oversized blue T-shirt that was Chris’ once upon a time. I plopped down on my bed, pulling makeup wipes out of my bedside table and wiping the mess of makeup off my face, turning on my tv and putting on an episode of Law and Order SVU, something I’d watched and rewatched a hundred times over.

I finished after about 2 wipes back and front of scrubbing, leaving them on the nightstand and snuggling in to my sheets as I pulled out my phone and went to tiktok, scrolling through videos. Every few minutes though, I remember the missed call on my phone from Carmen, what did he need from me in the middle of the workday? I bit my lip gently, going back to my call log 5 times over the course of an hour before finally clicking his contact highlighted in red. 

Just as I’m about to hang up because I couldn’t bear him letting me go to voicemail, it stops ringing but there’s silence on the other end. I listened for a moment, taking a deep breath, my heart thumping in my throat. “Carmy?” I said softly. “Uh- hey. Hey,” he said and cleared his throat. 

“Hi- how are you, is everything alright?” I asked “ye’ - everything’s- everything’s ok. Why?” He asked and I bit the inside of my lip nervously. “I’m- I’m sorry I should’ve just texted. Uh- I missed a call from you earlier? It must have been a butt dial. I’m sorry if I bothered you” I said, nervously playing with the thread hanging off my shirt. 

“No- no you’d never bother me, I…uh. Called cause I-I wanted to um-“ he pauses for a few moments. “Tell you…somethin’ I guess” he finally said quietly. I pick at my thumbnail nervously. “Shoot” I replied, my stomach swarming with anticipation and anxiety. “I…um. I had a really nice time with you- uh…Saturday. And um…I- I realized something?” He said the end like a question almost, as if he was asking himself if he wanted to tell me. 

“Ok what’s that?” I asked and he took a trembling breath. “I…” he said. I could picture him in my mind, nervously tugging on his hair and squeezing his eyes shut to shut himself off. “I…think- that” he clears his throat “fuck I’m so sorry I- I’ve never done this before,” he said frustrated with himself. 

“Carmy” I said gently “yes” he replied quietly. “I like you. And I think you are…amazing. Your sister is amazing, your cousins are wonderful, I- I don’t think…that we should see each other anymore, because- you’re right. If you can’t handle getting attached, we should cut things off before we both hurt ourselves more. But I had so much fun with you, this weekend. But Please Carm” I plead, “please know that this is not because I don’t want you. It’s exactly the opposite, I want you too much- I want you more than you told me you ever wanted this to go in the beginning and I’m sorry. I know that it sounds pathetic. I know we’ve only been together once but I- I fall for people really fast and I could see falling in love with you being too easy” The line was silent for what felt like minutes before he replied. 

“I think that I want you to teach me” 

Silence again, from both ends of the phone. The only sound I’d assume he hears is the scene on my tv in the background. I swallowed thickly, my eyes fluttering shut in thought. 

“You’ve been in love, right?” He asked, the question hits me like a freight train. I took a deep breath before answering. “Yes I have where is this going” I replied softly. “I- I haven’t. Nothing even close. And I know nothing Winnie. You’re so…so fucking perfect - and I know you’re way too good for me but I…I’ve never wanted to be better? And suddenly…I want t-t’see what it’s like. And you…when we were together” he stopped suddenly, the sound of a car door closing behind him. 

“When we were together, that’s the closest thing I’ve ever- no- no..” he stopped himself, I could hear him pacing back and forth. “No I'm not- I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn’t lay this on you and -“ I cut him off. 

“Carm, I want to know how being together made you feel, please” I bit my lip harshly, my chest burning with anxiety. 

“I’ve never been in love before but I’ve…I’ve seen it? And I’ve imagined…what it felt like, t-t’feel that from someone. I- I imagined it when you were reading to me- a-and. It was the first time…when I imagined being loved it felt more real…fuck I’m sorry - this is too much- I don’t mean…I mean like I’ve never felt it ever Winnie, from anyone. And I know- I-I know that Syd, rightfully fuckin’ so- told you what a sack of shit I am. And I deserve that, and I- I don’t deserve to feel loved… but I-I thought you should know how- how you made me feel.” His voice was cracking by the end. 

“I made you feel loved?” I whisper, staring blankly at the ceiling. “I’m fucking pathetic” he replied. “N-no, stop. What are you doing?” I asked “M’sorry…I- I don’t know.” He sniffled and I sit up. “No, Carm, what are you doing. Where are you?” I asked. “I-“ he snorts. “A fucking church” he said with a light chuckle “a goddamn church” he repeated and I busted up laughing. “Carmen” I said. 

“Come over. I can’t fuck you, I’m in excruciating pain, but I need to see you. And we need to talk face to face” I hear his car door open and close again, the car starting in the background. “What? Why are you hurt? What happened? I’m coming.” He said quickly. I smiled a bit at his urgency “no, nothing. Nothing did. Well, not today it’s just my hip. I broke it in the accident and had to get it fused, and they fucked it up so majorly that it hurts constantly pretty much. I just need to see your face” I said softly. He let out a sigh, that almost sounded like relief. 

“Yes. Yes. I’m coming now, have you eaten?” He asked and I hum “no, don’t worry about it I’ll make a sandwich when I feel better” I said softly. “No- no, no Winnie. What’re you in the mood for, you aren’t feeling good. Let me help you” he repeated my words from Sugars office that night at the restaurant and I shook my head fondly at the memory. “I want a sandwich, Carm. That’s it. Oo- and fries.” I said and turned on the heating pad that permanently lived on my side of the bed. 

“Yeah? M’kay baby, I’ll be over in like 40 minutes with a kick ass sandwich for you, y’okay with beef?” He asked and I hummed happily at the sweetness in his tone “please, oh my god- I haven’t eaten today and that sounds amazing” I said. “I gotcha’ Win’ don’t worry.” I heard him put his phone in the cup holder. 

“Bring a bag if you want, I kinda hated waking up alone this morning. But it’s up to you- and just come in when you get here, doors unlocked.” I said and hung up the phone, I stared up at the ceiling - Sydney’s voice bouncing around in my mind.  You can’t fix him. He will always end up pushing you away.

𝒞𝒶𝓇𝓂'𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱.🧸 

I parked in the alley next to The Bear how I usually did when I came with my car and locked it, opening the metal door and heading into the kitchen. “Yo - Ebra” I said and he looks up from the grill. “Chef? Richie said you’ve left for the day” he said “Ye’, just came to grab some food I’m meetin’ a friend. Can you get me to Italian beefs and fries to go please.” I told him and he nods “Of course, right away Chef”

“Perfect thank you, I’m gonna be in the office just have someone run it back yea? Oh- and put extra cheese on one, mark it.” I head back to the office “of course chef” he replied. I shut the door and run over my chin as I sit down at the desk, Claire’s words bouncing around in my head.

‘ I’m also a spouse, how you look when you speak of her- she’s your wife ‘

Final time. This is the final - final time. If I can’t fucking handle my shit I’m not doing this and this is the last time I ever try. If she leaves, I’m done. 

I nod, satisfied with my conclusion. This would finally satisfy Sugars urge to push me to ‘find love so I can be happier’, to Richie nagging me about “not allowing myself to be happy”. If this fails, everyone will have to get off my back. Because if this fails, I fail. And it will fully prove to them everything I tell them about me being unlovable is true, and they can believe it- or they can continue living in denial that they don’t solely love me because I’m family. 

But the growing lump in my throat felt very unsatisfying at the fact that this conclusion meant, I would also finally know for myself if I was truly lovable or not. So I would finally put to rest the dream of being somewhat normal. Which felt like I would really go insane, I may just go off the deep end like Mikey. At least I’d know, that The Bear could fully run- I would be guilt free. 

My spiraling thoughts were interrupted by a light knock at the door “Jeff?” I sighed softly, running a hand through my hair. “Come in” I said and Tina opened the door. “Special order with extra cheese” she said and came and set the brown bag on the desk. “What’s goin’ on?” She asked, voice laced with concern. Per usual, I feel the tight defensiveness in my chest. 

“Nothin’..nothin’, chef. Thank you.” I sigh deeply. “You’re flushed” she put her hand on her hip. “Long fuckin’ day” I said before shaking my head “thanks again.” I said dismissively and she heads toward the door. “I hope that’s for a certain ginger - I’ll see you tomorrow” she said and closed the door before  I could reply. I blushed, why the fuck did everyone have such an interest as to who I’m deciding to mess around with. 

I got up, grabbing the bag and my keys off the desk, and opening the office door. I head towards the back through the hall “Bear!” I stopped and turn around to see sugar coming up to me, “ ‘sup?” I asked her and she took my arm, pulling me to the back door. “I just…I wanted to say - I dunno’..I don’t say it enough. I love you” she said, and the lump in my throat grew to be unmanageably large. 

“I…” my voice comes out shaky, so I clear my throat, blinking back the tears welling behind my eyes. “I love you” I replied quietly and swallowed hard. “Know that as long as I’m here, there will always be someone who’s proud of everything you’ve done, Bear” she said just above a whisper, her eyes welling up with tears and she pulls me into a hug.

It took everything in me to hold back a sob, I felt emotionally fucking unravelled today. I wrap my arms around her, burying my face in her shoulder. “The fuck are you doin’ that for, Nat?” I asked and she sniffled. “Doing what?” She muttered into my chest. “Trying to make me fuckin’ cry?” I patted her back and she laughed a bit, pulling away. “No jagoff I’m just telling my little brother that I’m proud of him. Now get out of here and think about your shit” she pushed the door open, holding it with her foot. 

“Yeah yeah I’m goin’. Thanks for holding it down today” I said as I headed back to the car. “If it’s so you keep up with that girl? I’ll pull extra shifts. Go check on her, will you? She’s in a lot of pain.” She replied and I look back at her, stopping dead in my tracks. “You saw her today?” I asked and she nods. 

“Had to drive the poor thing home, she was a mess when I came out t’go pick up the baby and drop her at home. Like actually crying in pain. That food is for her I hope?” She raised an eyebrow. 

She needed me, and I wasn’t fucking here. I’m already failing her.  “I-it is. Thank you- call me next time, will you?” I told her. “She specifically told me not to tell you she was here- so do me a favor and don’t mention it to her will you?” She said and my eyebrows furrowed. “She- she said that?” I asked. “I dunno, Carmen. Just- go check on her. Ok?” She said and I nodded “it’s where I was goin’ anyway, thanks for the heads up.” I said, putting the food safely on the floor of the passenger side before getting in the drivers side and starting to my place.

I shut my car door, slinging my backpack over my shoulder and starting up the steps to Winnie’s building. I took a deep breath outside the front door, taking out a 100mL bottle of J&M from my backpack, downing half of it, my mouth and nose crinkling up at the disgusting bitterness, the toxic-feeling burn trickling from my tongue to the pit of my stomach

 like mother like fuckin’ son.

Bounces throughout my head, but I didn’t care - the only thing to get me to tell the truth? Was my confidence being heightened by spirits. Sure, Maybe it was DNA, maybe it was unadulterated anxiety- either way if the bronze-poison helped me in being more honest with Winnie? Family habits be damned, she deserves every ounce of honesty I can muster. No matter how. 

After chugging about half the bottle, I stuffed it back in the same hidden pocket in my backpack, before pushing the large wooden front door open and hauling myself up the 3 flights of stairs to her apartment’s floor. By the time I’d gotten to her door, I had the familiar warm feeling confidence flowing through my chest. Perfect. Pure Honesty. 

I knocked gently, after a few seconds, I hear the soft confused ‘bbrrrrowww?’ Of her fuffy cat, circling close behind the door by the sounds of her. Her behavior really reminded me of Winnie, she was warm, inviting, soft, so sweet. She honestly had made me daydream about having a pet of my own for the first time. 

“Carmy? Told’ya it’s unlocked! If you’re not Carmy, come kill me I guess!” Her sweet familiar voice called through the door, causing me to chuckle. I pushed it open, slowly as to not crush the cat behind it. Stepping in, the whole place dark except the soft pulsing light from the TV spilling into the hallway from  Winnie's bedroom.

Persephone weaves figure 8’s in my legs when I stepped in, purring wildly. As soon as I looked down at her, she plopped on her back, doing a big stretch to offer her belly up for petting. “Hi pretty baby” I squatted down carefully, scratching her tummy as she requested, and feeling her purring intestify at the action, the vibration spreading throughout her whole pudgy body. 

“Happy girl” I muttered softly, standing back up straight and carefully stepping over her to head to Winnie’s room. I nudged the door open gently, nearly gasping at the raw, innocent sight in front of me. 

She was illuminated by light of the TV, Her curly red, curly fringe slightly peeked out of the blanket-hood she’d created around her face - it had to be her baby blanket. Frayed and tattered at the edges, an extremely faded, quilted pattern of Winnie The Pooh shoving honey in his mouth from a pot, curled around her face. The stray fabric tassels were nestled up to her cheeks, her left forefinger and thumb ever so gently rubbing the silk tag against her lips. 

She had a little grey seal stuffed animal nuzzled in her neck, and a little pastel bear in the crook of her arm. I smiled slightly, feeling Persephone brush against my legs. She pushed the door wide open with a *creak*, as if she pays bills or something - blowing up my spot in the hallway admiring her, peacefully just existing. She didn’t even blink until the cat catapulted carelessly onto her stomach, her gaze on the TV being broken suddenly, slightly groaning at the cat's pounce “Jesus Seph” she groaned softly, sitting up slightly, her blanket cage falling below her head. 

The bear falls out of her arm onto the bed as saw me in the doorway, sitting up further, and the cat rolling onto the bed carelessly next to her with a small whine. “Carmy!” she said happily.

I could crumple into the floor at the sound of her honey-like voice. Instead, the alcohol well meeting my inhibitions by now due to my strenuous walk-up - took honus over my mouth. “Y’re too cute” I smiled a bit, coming up to her side of the bed, sitting where I saw her feet were tucked so I wouldn’t crush her by mistake. “Dinner, from Carmen’s hospital, this time” I joked. 

Sephy pads over carefully on the bed, sniffing the container as I take it out, setting it next to Winnie’s blanketed lap. “Aht! Not for little kittens” I teased, scratching her chin gingerly. Winnie sat up fully against the headboard, setting the container to her right on the empty spot on the bed. “Kisses, now - I fuckin’ missed you.” She said, puckering her plump glistening lips adorably. 

 “Where d’you hurt? I don’t wanna make it worse f’you, honey” I asked. She smiled lazily, “I took my pill a’few hours ago, I’m numb, kissy’s please” she pleaded, and outstretched her arms for me cutely. My chest tightened momentarily at the mention of narcotics, but I easily swallowed it down with the aid of the alcohol, leaning in and kissing her deeply. I swiped my tongue over her lips, causing her to open her mouth nearly on instinct. I sigh out in satisfaction at the taste of her vanilla chapstick. She hummed sweetly, hooking her arms around my neck like a little Koala-bear, tugging herself closer to me, our chests touching. 

I rubbed the small of her back soothingly, gently pushing her large t-shirt up to expose her panties, rolling the thin stretchy elastic hem back and forth between my fingers. After a few minutes of heavy petting, deep kissing, and soft kitten-like moans from her, when her hands finally found their way under my sweater, the tips of her nails stroking my midsection in a way that set my soul on fire-  I broke our lips apart slightly, a small, thin string of our mutual desire connecting us until I spoke. “S’time f’you to eat, princess, y’feelin any better, what caused this mm’?” I questioned gently, my hands stroking up her ribs tenderly and squeezing assuringly. 

“Eat, then talk?” she said sweetly, more a demand than an offer. “Course angel, what’re we watchin’?” I took out the box marked ‘E/C’ and set it on her lap, “SVU” she said, leaning over and turning on the lamp. “Hm, alright - interesting choice” I said, getting up and taking off my sneakers, kicking them slightly beneath the bed so she wouldn’t trip in the night, before going and sitting next to her against the headboard.

“It’s my comfort show” she said and took her glasses out of the pink case from the top of her bedside table, putting them on. I smiled a bit, “Y’look really adorable in those, like a little librarian” I said, causing her to blush which made her freckles adorning her cheeks more obvious, her dimples peeking out as she tries to hide a smile. “I am a librarian, 3 days a week anyways.. Did you bring ketchup?” she asks as she opened up her box.

“Oh- no, no sorry- I need to remember that you use that shit like water” I teased “d’you have some?” I set my box down and she does the same, “Yeah-” she said with a slight giggle pulls her crosstitch, fringed blanket back. “No- no, relax, you stay here, I’ll find it, yeah? Y’re hurting, baby.. Did you want me to get you a drink while I'm in there?” I asked while getting up and heading to the hall. She nods, “Yeah- it’s on the door, just grab a soda” she replied while settling back in gratefully. I came back a minute or so later, handing her a can of soda and the ketchup.

“Carmy it’s..I’m fine really- I’ll tell you more about it, but like- This happens all the time, you don’t need to worry, I throw my hip out like at least once a week- sometimes more. I’m like an old fuckin woman” She said, squirting the ketchup into the lid of her container. I sat down, opening my soda and setting it on the nightstand. “That sucks, sorry you have to deal with that- i’m always happy to help you, y’know that right?” I took a bite of my sandwich, watching as she took a bite of the french fry she’d dunked in her monstrous pool of ketchup.

She shakes her head, “I’m fine, really - It’s my own fault. It’s my fault i’m all fucked up anyway.” she took a bite of her sandwich and hums. “ thank you f’r bringin’ this” she mumbles with a partially full mouth, an onion sticking to her lip, causing me to smile in amusement. “Hey” I said softly and she looks over, I gently swipe my thumb across her lip, before wiping it on the napkin that was sitting my lap. She blushed, smiling sheepishly. “Thanks” she muttered softly.  

We ate in silence for a few moments before I decided finally to succumb to my curiosity, “Why d’you think it’s your fault?” I asked quietly, before looking over at her. She met my gazed shrugged, before taking another bite of her sandwich, not meeting my eyes once more. She swallowed, taking a long moment before responding. “Don’t ask me about this - ever again. I’ll tell you one time, and that one time being now because my fuckin’ pills make me... able to be- open? I guess…But uh- I knew he was dead, essentially, and don’t try to tell me it ‘isn’t my fault’ because it fucking was - everything was. I was the one that begged him to bring me, to drive me to my fuckin’ girls house. A girl I knew wasnt in love with me. I’d only ridden like…” she scoffs “3..maybe 4 times? and My stupid, idiot self didn’t fuckin’ realize- I didn’t realize how fucking important it is, to balance your weight especially on sharp turns.” she shakes her head, setting her sandwich down and closing her eyes tightly.

“This- this fucking dickhead - in a huge pickup truck, he was up our ass - Chris had cut ‘em off like a mile back because he was going slow as shit- and Chris was the kind of fucker that was petty- h-he…. He slammed on his breaks a few times y’know? Like- like break-checkin’ ‘em to give ‘em I guess a taste…of-of being stuck behind someone. I should’ve known- I- I should’ve known he was…he-he- Chris was gonna whip into the next lane and dart around the sedan in front of us - but I…I- I didn’t- s-so I-I didnt lean. I didn’t lean. B-because of my weight- w-we… the front tire flipped in, Chris flew- h-he…” she takes a shaking breath. 

“He- he- he got….he hit the windshield of the car in front of us, the fucking sound Carmen- the-the-the bike slid under me, m-my hip- my fucking bone was ground in to the pavement from how far I was dragged. The poor woman in-in-in the sedan d-driving behind us- oh fuck-” she started laughing wildly, but the sound was numb. “Fuck” she looks at me,large- thick tears pooling behind her big hazel eyes. But yet a large, dry smile was plastered among her features. “The sheer force of being hit by a car- my god, when my head hit the pavement? I thought I’d exploded. Like- like I fuckin’ burst into confetti!” she laughs again, a cold, emotionless laugh while shaking her head, wiping her face over with rough hands. It was like everything she felt from this was so intensely painful, that all she could do was laugh or she’d go in to psychosis. I know I’d feel that way if I went through that with Mikey.

I swallowed thickly as she continued. “He-He was- I knew- I-I-I knew Carmen that he was dead-but- b-but- but- I h-had to…had- t- I-I-I had t-t-to see..to see him Carmen- I- y-you know? T-to b-be sure” she heaves out between violent, shaking sobs. Her entire body was trembling with fear, with sadness, with grief. Tears pooled behind my own eyes at the pure agony radiating off of her and I kissed her forehead gently “m’ so fuckin sorry honey” I muttered in to her temple, unsure if anything could console her in this moment. 

She continued, breath heaving as she attempted to explain “you know in-I-in T-TV when someone is- a-a-about to die, and -“ she gasped down a large, shaking breath “and theres this ringing - th-thats fucking real. But- b-but it's-it’s-it’s deafening Carmen. I-It.. Your body vibrates with the f-feeling, it- l-like- i-it’s from your bones-” she choked back a sob and I gently rested my hand on her thigh, “Breathe, babygirl, you’re safe” I said just above a whisper, wrapping my other arm around her frame, cradling her, and her eyes meet mine, boring in to my soul. 

“I- I tried-” she squeaked out. “I tried- I wanted to get up, he- h-” she gasps in a breath “he…h-his-his-” she squeezes her eyes shut. “Hi-s…” she hiccups a breath that sounded painful between sobs “his neck- his neck…his neck” she muttered, shaking her head quickly, bursting out suddenly in to uncontrollable, choking sobs. I rubbed her thigh soothingly. “Shhh…shhh- Baby- baby, angel- you don’t have to tell me. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, honey” I repeated, putting my plate in front of me, doing the same to hers and hugging her to me, nestling her face in to my chest and rubbing soothing circles into her back. 

She heaves in a large gasping breath, coughing lightly before continuing. “M-my hip, my hip. The fucking- th-the bone…I-I- I don’t want to disgust you.” She whispered, shaking her head against my chest. I smoothed her hair down tenderly, kissing the top of her head that was burning hot with anxiety, the hair at the base of her neck feeling damp with sweat. “Win’- you’d never disgust me, mm? I don’t want you to be sick over this. Y’don’t need t’work yourself up, don’t tell me if it makes you uncomfortable, honey”. My hand curls around her stomach, rubbing long, slow strokes back and forth, feeling her gasping breaths rise and fall against my hand as she spiraled into an episode that looked just like mine. 

Seeing her like this was causing my heart to ache so deeply it was impossible to comprehend the hurt all at once. 

“I’m sorry- I-I’m sorry- I-“ she chokes out a violent, shaking sob “I’m so sorry, Carmen- I- I’m a horrible person. I- you can’t- I don’t deserve a man like you…oh god- i-I’m- it’s me Carm. You-you-I’m horrible“ she coughs. I gently pulled her trembling frame into my lap, nudging her chin up with my forefinger to look at me and she finally opened her eyes. 

“Winnow.” I said quietly, watching her lip quiver sadly before her eyes met mine, the rings of hazel nearly swallowed by her blown out pupils, her cheeks red and tear-stained. She swallowed thickly as my thumb presses to her trembling lip. “You-” I start, my eyes squeezing shut involuntarily to try and reel back the tears gathering behind them. 

I took a large, trembling breath, holding it momentarily while I gathered my racing thoughts. “You- Winnie - you are the furthest thing from horrible, I never want to hear that from you- ever, ever again, do you understand?” I breathed out, my thumb running down her chin gently. She swallowed hard again, her eyes meeting mine suddenly, a thick hot tear falling down her freckled cheek and wetting my thumb.

“Stop.” She squeaked out, her eyes fluttering shut. “W-what baby? Stop what?” I questioned, the pads of my thumbs brushing away her tears. “Stop, Carmen- I told you” her eyes opened , gently grabbing my hands that were cupping her cheeks and squeezing gently around my wrists in objection. 

“I can’t do this.” She whispered, tugging my hands off her face gently. “I told you.” She repeated, shuffling off of my lap, sniffling and wiping her eyes messily. “I’m not your baby- I - y-you can’t call me that. S-Stop calling me sweet names” she hiccuped as she spoke, wiping her nose with a napkin- steadily avoiding my gaze. It’s like I could physically feel my heart snap. 

“How do you mean hon-Winnie?” I corrected myself, feeling a hard lump growing in my throat. “You’re too easy to fall in love with” she shook her head, pulling her plate back into her lap and swirling a fry in her ketchup. 

I sighed softly, “that’s- that’s why I’m here.” I said quietly, watching her continue to swirl the pool bigger and bigger nervously. “I’m not a good - I wasn’t a good person, and- and I’m not sure I’ve ever been loved back. I just know for certain I’ve been in love with someone before. And you deserve someone who knows the whole thing” She shrugged, finally dropping the fry in to the red pool and looking over at me. 

“Well…what was it like?” I ask quietly she snorted, shaking her head. “You don’t get it. That? What I did? It was miserable. Being in love with someone who won’t love you back is like- is like…the most embarrassing thing. I was in love with a person that never even existed, it was an idealized version of her.” She said and I raised my eyebrows, surprised. 

“You’ve never- been in love w-with a guy?” I asked and she shook her head, laughing a bit. “The only guy I claimed to love - beat my ass, and it wasn’t until therapy that I realized I didn’t love him. I just wanted him to love me so bad that I thought if I was ‘better’ or if I changed that I could convince him to love me.” She shrugged a bit. I swallowed thickly “he- he doesn’t live here does he? In Chicago?” She shook her head. 

“Good cause he’s a little bitch. I’d never ever dream of hurting you or any woman that way.” I said and she nodded, smiling a little. “Don’t worry…I’ve learned my lesson- I’d never have been around you if I got the feeling…” she sighed a bit before continuing. “It doesn’t- it doesn’t matter though. To love someone… well- unconditionally.. it’s acceptance?” She looks at me. “It’s… it’s to see someone’s flaws, and instead of…instead of seeing past them you love in spite of them. In spite of someone’s pain, in spite of all the people that have ever hurt them- it’s acceptance that this human is not perfect but they’re perfect for you. Despite their flaws, despite if they hurt you. But true love- real love, mutual love, is acceptance, and respect.” 

She turned back and continued eating her sandwich and I sat for a moment in silence, contemplating what she said. “So…you don’t…you don’t think I’m capable of that?” I asked, rubbing my chin nervously. She shook her head “no, no. I think you’d be well capable- but you…you don’t want it. You don’t want to trust that’s like- that’s the biggest part of love is trusting someone fully like more then anyone in the world you come to them and admire their opinion of you so much that you’ll take their opinion of you second to your own. Like they’re the only other person that you give a fuck about what they really think.” 

I bit my lip nervously “h-how do you- how do you learn to trust? People?” He asked and she looked over, brows furrowed a bit. “Uh-“ she shook her head slightly, thinking for a moment. “I- I guess…it starts with being honest- because if you’re honest about how you feel then it shows you if the person is worth trusting. Like…like I’ll be honest, I’m..i’m scared of being with you.” She said and I feel my heart sink. 

Of course you fucking scare her you’re a brute, your always screaming, you shut people out, you push one of her best friends to her limits constantly 

Her voice brings me back out of my head “because…well I see how innocent you are and-“ she continued but the single word rings through my mind so loudly I can’t hear, nor process anything else. 

Innocent…Innocent? Innocent. Why- how, what- what about me is innocent? I’m a fuckin’ asshole. 

“But..yeah. So I guess…I guess scared wasn’t the best word but I just don’t want to corrupt you” she finished, taking a sip of her soda and I looked back at her. 

“Innocent.” Was all I could manage to say and she looks over at me, nodding a bit. “Like I said- All I’ve had is bad relationships, unhealthy ones, you’re innocent in that sense…I don’t wanna teach you bad habits or something” she said and I sat against the headboard, thinking. “In what world could you possibly corrupt me?” I asked and she covered her mouth as she laughed “dude” she shakes her head, swallowing her food finally. 

“Don’t make me choke! Oh my god. This is what I mean- you don’t know me. I was a total piece of shit before I moved here a few years ago. I was a literal massive bitch after Chris died. I just…just came unglued. People don’t like me back home, Carm. I became a shell of myself. My mom…My mom hates me.” she said and I frowned slightly, shaking my head, “That’s- no, no Win, I dont think that your mom could hate you…you’re too- you’re too kind… Just because you may have said some shit after him- I did too, with Mikey. I’ve…I’ve said alot of fuckin’ - just cruel bullshit” I explained. I was unsure if the ache in my heart had to do with seeing her so upset- so guilt-ridden. If that was the case I would tell her whatever about myself to get to understand just how fuckin’ uncorruptable I am.

“No- no she… she hates me. I was always- I…Chris was always the good twin, I was the one causing trouble a-and to top it off I killed him.The only good thing in her life - her only real thing  to be proud of. I-I couldn’t save him, and I was the reason we were out- and I left her with- with all this debt. Then I just… I ran away! I ran. I’m a coward. And I don’t deserve someone like you who- whos already terrified of commitment, even though I’m “different” now? I still am too fucking coward to talk to my mom, because she hasn’t talked to me since I left.” she pulled Persephone in to her lap, stroking her tail between her fingers nervously and she purred in response, stretching back and looking at me. 

“I-” I clear my throat, nervously running a hand through my hair. “I uh- I didn’t even go to Mikeys funeral..I was uh…I-I couldn’t face it” I bit my lip nervously. “So, I’m uh- you aren’t guilty of anything i’m not, I’m used to running- it’s…my worst habit probably, running from-from everything” I shook my head, averting her gaze. 

“Thats the opposite of love, so if you really want to know what love feels like, you need to run towards the object of your desire.” she said softly and held my hand, rubbing over my tattoo with her thumb in long soothing strokes. I look over at her and smile a bit, getting that now familiar flutter in my stomach that was happening more and more often because of how much time we’d been together recently. “Thats why I’m here, I uh- the church?” I said and gently grabbed her small fingers with my own, lacing them together.

“Oh- did God whisper for you to come see me” she gives me a teasing smile and I chuckled a bit, sitting back on the headboard feeling much more relieved she seemed to be feeling a bit better. “Kinda- this stupid support group..well- I thought it was gonna be stupid? But.. it kinda helped me in a way. This um…girl- the head of the group, she said that our task was to see someone you desire this week so uh.. Here I am I guess” I felt my cheeks heating and she smiled bigger. 

“Oh I see, I didn’t know when I invited you I was helping you check off your therapy homework” she teased and rested her head on my shoulder, the smell of her coconut shampoo hitting my senses. I closed my eyes, resting my head on hers comfortably. “Mmhmm- I um…I wanna keep seeing you” I said and she brought my hand to her lips, kissing gently. 

“Good because I want to keep seeing you, as long as we can both be honest with each other and not run away.” She said, kissing each one of my knuckles gently. I smiled at the sweet gesture. “I can’t promise I won’t…but I’m gonna do everything I can to tell you how sorry I am when it happens” I watched as she examined my hand, finger gently brushing over the large scar that was still dark even after a few years time of healing. 

“What happened?” She asked quietly, tracing her knuckle gently over the raised skin. “I uh- kitchen. Knife accident. Long time ago back in one of my first gigs” I said, deciding it was better to not get in to why I had done it- I was emotionally fucked out today say the least, and going in to my previous boss was going to be too much to handle at the current moment. 

“Did you mean what you said earlier on the phone?” She asked, flipping my arm over, the pad of her finger tracing over the snail tattoo on my arm with a light touch causing goosebumps to raise on my skin. 

“What did I say?” I asked, watching as she rubs gently over the letters before tracing the veins of my forearm. She leaned more into me, playing with my fingers in a gentle way that caused me to smile slightly. “That I made you feel loved?” she asked. I swallowed thickly, biting my lip “uh- I- I mean. Like I said. Never like- I just imagined what it would like…to be- it…It was stupid.” I shook my head slightly, closing my eyes in embarrassment.  “Well…I loved reading to you. Did you want to finish eating and…we can see what Edward is getting up to next?” I looked down at her and she was looking up at me, meeting my gaze with hopeful eyes. It felt like my heart skipped a beat in the moment, “that sounds really nice.” I rubbed the top of her head gently.

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

“And Edward didn’t fly back into the cruel boys arms, he didn’t fly forward into the loving arms of Abaline- But instead, he fell to the left, overboard the ship. Edward focused on the sounds of Abalines desperate cries as he flipped and soared through the air into the ocean with a large *splash*, watching the ship slowly pass him by as he momentarily floated atop the waves.

He waited for Abaline, he watched the surface of the water go from blue to black as he continued floating down, and down until he landed face first on the ocean floor. Edward waited. And waited. Unable to see the stars he loved at night, and without his pocket watch, he couldn’t quite be sure how many days had passed- but he knew it had been many, and yet Abaline never came.” 

I shut the book, setting it down next to my lap where he laid and looked down at him. His eyes fluttered open and his brows knitted together adorably in concern. “That wasn’t the end.” He said, more like a statement than a question, causing me to giggle a bit. “No.” I said simply and shrugged. “Ok- well. Keep going then, he needs to get back to her before I can sleep” he closed his eyes again with a smug smile, and I laughed genuinely at his perseverance and interest in the story, continuing to play with his soft blonde curls that had long gone frizzy and were more broken waves over the course of his long day. 

“And what if he never gets back to Abaline?” I questioned and his eyes shot open, glancing up at me nervously. “Don’t say that. She really loves him- she’s gonna be all torn up if she cant get him back” he said and I smiled a bit, finding his concern for the fictional child adorable. “Probably true…I would be realy sad if I were her. But it was fair to say he didn’t love her, right? She's gonna go on and find a bunny that loves her the same way- and it gives Edward the opportunity to realize what Abaline truly meant to him.” I gently rub the pads of my fore and middle finger over his jawline soothingly. “I guess y’re right…he doesn’t really deserve her” he muttered, his eyes fluttering shut at my touch, and sighing softly through his nose. 

“No, it’s not about Edward being deserving of love. For her, It’s about letting someone go that didn’t appreciate her, and for him it’s about learning to appreciate what he has, while he has it- and telling them.” I trace the veins of his neck with a light touch, feeling his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. After a few moments of gently stroking his face he looks up at me. “It feels really good when you do that” he said just above a whisper and a small smile graced my lips. 

“Yeah? My gram used to do this to help me fall asleep.” I said and he hummed. “Mm..’s makin’ me sleepy.” He said, covering his mouth as he yawned before looking up at me. “I don’t wanna wake you up t’morrow. I get up really early.” He said and I ran my hand through his hair again, scratching his scalp gently. 

“Taylor’s in Australia- it’s her last night there, so I’ve been up early like- almost every day this weekend other then Friday when you slept over” I explained and he chuckled, shaking his head a bit, closing his eyes as he rested his head back in my lap. “How the hell are you seeing that?” He asked, nuzzling his face in my tummy tiredly. “Live streams. This girl, Tess. She’s amazing.” I said with a smile before yawning myself, stretching my back and groaning softly at the dull ache. 

“Fuck” I grumble, I should’ve guessed. My period always makes my hip problems worse for some reason. “What’s wrong?” He looked up at me, his voice slightly laced with concern. “Nothin’. Nothin. My back is just a little sore. C’mon let me up - I gotta brush my teeth, and you have to change so we can go to bed, you have an early day” I said and he nodded a bit, sitting up. He took our trash and kissed my forehead gently before heading out to throw it away in the kitchen. I smiled softly at the sweet gesture, standing up and padding into the bathroom. 

I made quick work of brushing my teeth, washing my face, and doing my quick nightly skincare, before slicking on some deodorant. I shut the door to use the restroom, sitting there with my panties around my knees rubbing my face. I should just fuckin’ put a tampon in I already know what’s coming. I sighed to myself, annoyed. I’d been dealing with it since I was 12, but the pain just got more debilitating as I got older. I would wake up throwing up from cramps, no medicine other than THC oil I had even helped slightly dull the pain. 

But I still went to work. I still got up and did everything I needed to do, because I didn’t have the money to call out sick. Even though I would this time of month be in the bathroom throwing up through tears every few hours due to the pain before I started with the heaven sent THC oil. One time I even passed out on the floor (thank god for my embarrassment, we had just closed so no customers came in the bathroom, and I came to before Mel got concerned and came to check on me). 

I grabbed a tampon from the basket sitting atop the back of the toilet, throwing the empty applicator in the garbage before flushing the toilet. I pulled my panties up and washed my hands before opening the medicine cabinet, grabbing my Nauzene, Dramamine, and RSO syringe, before walking back out and putting them on my nightstand. Carm was already there, laid over the covers shirtless in his dark grey sweatpants. I smiled a bit at the beautiful sight. “can we cuddle?” I asked, turning on my fairy lights I left on at night and turning off the lamps, the room becoming much more cozy and comforting.

“Course” he got up, pulling back the duvet for us, before settling back in. I plugged my phone in on the nightstand, clicking on my white noise machine to play my rain sounds before sitting down on the bed. I pulled open the top draw of my nightstand, massaging in some of my milk and honey hand cream in to my arms and hands, before opening my jar of melatonin and taking 2 of the capsules. “Got a pharmacy over there?” He teased with a small smile, motioning to my nightstand with all my medicines waiting for me. I blushed a bit, “yeah I- uh. I get…sick? Sometimes…at night. Just being prepared in case.” I said, rubbing the extra lotion on my elbows before sitting criss- cross next to him. 

“Lay back like you did last time, I liked snuggling like that your hands are warm.” I said and he smiled softly, “yes ma’am” he joked with a smile, laying his left arm out for me once he got settled in. I laid down, bringing my leg up to straddle his waist comfortably and nuzzling my face into his neck, draping my hand over his chest. He rubs my back in slow, long, soothing strokes. “Can I- uh..can I..ask you something” he said softly and I looked up at him, to see him looking at the ceiling with his other arm propped behind his head and the pillow, his forehead wrinkled in the way that told me he was thinking about something intently.. 

“Anything” I replied, my hand resting over his racing heart, and my thumb rubbing small, gentle circles into his skin. “I went to uh..that support thing this afternoon. And the therapist- she said…she said therapy like- hurts before it helps. Is that…is that true?” He asked. I hummed in understanding, resting my cheek on his chest. 

“Yup. It hurts like a bitch to start with. But think of it like…like if you broke a bone and never set it, and it healed that way? You’d have to rebreak it, and the healing process is always worse the second time ‘cause there’s all the scar tissue but it heals way stronger. And you fully know the injury after healing it correctly, so you better know what triggers it and stuff. ” I said, gently running my fingertips along his ribs. His hand found his way under my shirt, rubbing my lower back gently with his palm, before his fingers stopped at the hem of my panties, tucking his the tops in the top of the band without thought. 

“Is it even worth it” he asked, gently stretching the elastic hem with his fingers absentmindedly. “Mmhmm..for sure. It’s never linear though, if you press on a scar hard enough even if it’s healed it’ll hurt.” I explained. “So…I’ll never be really happy? Fully anyway…Even if I went through all this therapy shit?” He muttered.

“Happiness also isn’t linear, Carm. No one is happy all the time. But you can be generally happy with your mental state, if you do the work in therapy. And it’s work. It’s like-“ I look up at him and he meets my eyes. “You’re fucking depressed, Carm. I am, we all are in this fucked up world. It’s like…an active effort to be happy, because our default if you’re a good person which you are is…sad. Sad for everything around us. For the shit we have to face. But- we can do things that bring more happiness to our lives, keep people around that make us happier. And it just means when we get down, that when we feel good we’ll be even more grateful and it’ll feel even more magical” I said and kissed his chest gently, resting my cheek back down against his skin and goosebumps raised under my flesh. 

“Mm…never thought ‘bout it like that, I guess…” he said quietly, gently squeezing my waist. I found the remote under the hem of the blanket before I turned off the tv, setting the controller down on the nightstand and closing my eyes. I nuzzled into his neck, and brought my hand up to gently play with his curls to help me focus on something so my mind wouldn’t run as I fell asleep. After about 20 minutes of calm silence, when my hand had finally stilled due to sleep taking its toll, I heard him mumble “G’night baby” before reaching down and pulling my thigh up more on his stomach, stroking it tenderly.  My hand grazes down his neck, resting over his heart once again “Night, Bear” I said sleepily, a tired smile forming on my lips when I felt his heartbeat quicken beneath my palm.

 I was woken up a few hours later to the unfortunately all too familiar stabbing and throbbing pain throughout my entire abdomen, the stabbing pain was nausea inducing- shooting all the way through my back muscles, as well as stomach brutally. I tried for about 20 suffering, agonizing minutes to fall back asleep, before the overwhelming nausea hit me at full force like a freight train, all at once. I threw my duvet back in a panic, Sephy meowing in surprise as she flung off my hip into Carm’s chest as I hopped up. I had barely made it to the toilet bowl, heaving up all we’d eaten together a few hours prior, silently praying I hadn’t woken Carm up in my mad dash to not be sick all over my bedroom floor. He has work early, the last thing he needs is to be woken up. 

I wretched violently, my stomach panging throughout my hips and back, everything we’d eaten a few hours ago exiting the exact same way it had went in. The pain in my stomach was heightened due to the sheer force of my heaving and I whimpered pathetically between gags, resting my hot, sweaty forehead on my arm as I swallowed down oxygen after the heaving stopped momentarily. I heard the door creak open, silently willing it to be Persephone’s nosy antics before I heard a raspy, sleep laced voice whisper - “Win? Fuck- are you ok? How can I help?” Carm rushed over and kneeled next to me, rubbing my back soothingly. 

“No- p-please- ahh- stop” I gasp at the sharp pain from his simple, light touch “don’t- d-don’t touch me I-it hurts.” I choked out shakily, messily wiping my mouth with a scrunched up bundle of toilet paper and tossing it in the bowl before flushing the toilet, his presence reeling back all the nausea I’d been feeling due to my unending embarrassment of being sick in front of others.

 “I’m sorry- I’m so, so sorry- h-how can I help you?” He asked as I gently lowered myself onto the cold tile, crumpling up pathetically in the fetal position as a hot flash took over like it usually did after I threw up, my whole body shivering uncontrollably as I sweat furiously. 

“Oh- shit oh my god- d-do you need to go to the hospital what is wrong Winnie?” He pleads, his voice laced with worry. 

I groan as my abdomen throbs with a cramp. “C-carmen” I gasp out. “I-it’s my fucking period. You can help me by just shutting up. I can barely think as it is.” I grit out between clenched teeth, eyes screwed shut due to the pain. “Jesus Christ” he muttered. “Please- please- Carmy- please.” I gasp in pain “Get the-the little syringe from m-my” I take a sharp breath at the shooting pain in my back. “The one on your nightstand?” He asked quickly and I nodded weakly, silently thanking god he took notice earlier. 

He was back in a few short moments and offered it to me. I took it, putting a large dose under my tongue and whining slightly at the potent, skunky taste. “Here-“ he left the bathroom and came back with my pink Yeti water cup from my nightstand. I shook my head “it has to sit” I mumbled, closing my eyes. He sits down next to me, slowly stroking my hair. “I didn’t know it…T-that it could get this bad.” 

I sighed shakily when the pain started to subside due to my heavy dose a few minutes later. “Yup” I mumbled, feeling too exhausted to say anything else. “Does it happen like this every month?” He asked, brushing the hair that had escaped my bun during sleep out of my face. 

“Mmhmm” I hum, gently resting my head on his lap, my neck aching from the hard tile. “Well I’m always just across the street if you need help” he said gently. My heart flutters at the kind sentiment. It was a few more minutes before my mind was clear enough from the pain being dulled that I could form my next thought. “you’re a great person, Carm” I said quietly, and he gently stroked my cheek with his knuckle. “I’m glad you think so” he said and I grabbed his hand, gently kissing his tattooed knuckles. 

“It’s a fact” I said gently against his fingers and sighed slightly. “Can you help me up so I can brush my teeth?” I asked, pulling myself into a sitting position. He got up swiftly, reaching out a hand and easily pulling me to my feet. “You good?” He asked, running his hand down my arm gently. “I’m good. Go wait for me, I’ll be in in a second” I said, wetting my toothbrush before putting on some toothpaste.

In a few minutes I was headed back in the bedroom, Carm was laid in the bed comfortably. “Hey” he said his eyes flickering open when I came in. I sat down on the bed, laying down and looking at him “would you…wanna do me a little favor?” I asked shyly, my cheeks heating. “ f’course baby, what do you need?” He sits up on his elbow, facing me and watching me closely. “Could you…um..like- can we spoon and could you rub my belly? It…it still hurts some.. and your hands are really warm and stuff” I said quietly, nibbling the inside of my lip. Would that be too intimate for him? 

“Ye’ baby, f’course” he laid on his side right away, getting his arm situated under my pillow so it wouldn’t fall asleep. “C’mere.” He opened up his other arm. I gingerly nustled in to him, his large warm palm finding its way under my shirt. “Like this?” He asked softly, rubbing gentle even strokes against my lower tummy. “Mmhmm” I breathe a sigh of relief out of my nose and rest my head back on his shoulder.  “Thank you…” I whisper. He kissed my temple “anytime, baby” my eyes fluttered shut, soaking in the feeling of his warmth into my skin. It really was relaxing to my sore muscles, but the intimacy and kindness of the action made it all the more soothing.

I was woken up to the feeling of my Apple Watch buzzing incessently on my wrist 

Taylor on stage 2 mins.

The alarm read. I groaned softly, pressing the side button so it would stop before grabbing my phone and swiping it open via face ID. I found TikTok- after turning down my burning brightness, before typing in Tess’ account, and checking the time in the corner of the screen that read 3:58. I yawned tiredly, nestling my hand under the blanket, to find Carm’s warm, large palm still resting comfortably over my tummy. I turned my volume down slightly, watching the screen as Taylor took the stage, hoping she was in the outfit I’d chosen on Swiftball before Carm got here last night. 

It was about 3 songs into her 3.5 hour set when Carm’s hand shuffles from beneath mine, reaching up to itch his chin, before rubbing face and he clears his throat, sleepily. “Time is it?” He grumbled tiredly into the back of my neck, his voice deep and thick with sleep. “4:08” I replied softly, intertwining our fingers when his hand found its way back to its comfortable spot on my lower abdomen. He groaned a bit, tiredly “fuckin’ already? D’you care if I shower honey?” He asked, squeezing my hand gently. 

I pouted at the idea of him leaving me cold in the bed so soon. “Why do you have to leave so early, Carmy?” I whined a bit, pulling his arm closer, and cuddling it to the side of my neck. “ ‘cause ‘m the only one signing off on the deliveries, baby.I don’t wanna leave ya’either” he said and kissed my shoulder sweetly. I pouted more “you have a super awesome, capable, smart sister - why don’t you split the days with her?” I asked desperately, and in response- he chuckled into my neck softly. “ ‘cause Sugar has a kid in preschool, and another in daycare- honey.” He replied sweetly. 

I sighed dramatically, “Fine, but can you stay just ten more minutes?” I plead and he kissed my jaw sweetly. “Ten, baby- then I’m gettin’ my ass up, deal?” He said and I smiled wide at my small victory, “deal” I kissed his hand sweetly, and he wrapped his other arm around my ribs contently,, pulling me to his chest. “You really woke up this early to watch this?” I felt his smile in the skin of my neck, full of amusement.  

“Yes really-” I replied. “Some people in this house have important, pressing matters to attend to this early, like cuddling super hot Italian guys, and watching High Priestess Taylor Swift perform across the Globe.” I teased and he snorted a laugh in the crook of my neck. “Mmm you’re right. This is important business, princess” he kissed the top of my head tenderly before yawning. 

“Y’didn’t wake up last night - “ I mentioned gently, “well…other then my fault- sorry ‘bout that again. But…I’m glad you weren’t sick cause of a nightmare or s’mthin” I said quietly, my glance shifting to his hesitantly. 

His eyebrows raised in surprise, clearly just noticing himself. “Oh- shit. Yea...Y’re right-. Don’t be sorry, babe- it’s ok” he rubbed my ribs and sweetly and squeezed affirmingly. “Maybe you should sleep over more often,then..” I smiled a bit, leaning in and pecking his lips tenderly. “Maybe I should '' he said softly, brushing his hair from his eyes. “how ‘bout I bring you some lunch, mm’ princess? You’re always comin’ to see me.. I can come to you for once, Y’re workin’ right?” He asked softly and I nodded. “I’m on 11-6. I’d love that, honestly, not much of a selection f’r lunch here to take.” I said with a smile and he nodded a bit. 

“What time’s good?” He runs his hand down my side, gently rubbing his palm over my hip before squeezing the flesh gently. “3…maybe 3:30- that seems like our time, yeah?” I smiled and his hand runs down under my bum, cupping the flesh and squeezing a bit.. “I like that. Our time.” He said and my eyes darted to the screen quickly as the Fearless chords started, and Taylor came out in her ‘Fearless’ era outfit. 

“Damn it! Fuckin bitch” I mutter to myself, causing him to laugh, his hand travelling back up to my waist. “What did she do to you?!” He questioned “fuckin! I voted that she was gonna wear her gold noodle dress so of course she comes out in the fringe gold one!! I swear I haven’t won Swiftball once” I huffed and he shook his head slightly, laughing at my dramatic reaction. “What in the hell is that?” He asked and I looked back at him “the Swifties! We all make bets on the outfits she wears on stage, and whoever gets the closest wins- like the powerball” I explained and he snorted, shaking his head lightly. 

“I gotta shower, angel. You keep tallying up your Taylorball f’r us, mm?” he got up, padding to the bathroom and flicking on the light. “Swiftball!” I called after him, hearing him chuckle as he shut the bathroom door. I laid there for about 10 more minutes watching my phone, before grabbing it and going out into the kitchen. I took out the bear mug for Carmy, and a hello kitty mug for myself, starting his cup first. I remembered how he said he liked it, mixing it together and I heard the bathroom door open just as I was rinsing the spoon in the sink. 

I came back, nudging the bedroom door open with my hip, to see him pulling on his loose jeans over his boxers, hair still wet from the shower, a few beads of water dripping down his chest. I could have dropped both the cups at the gorgeous sight in front of me. “Hey” he said pulling me from my dirty thoughts. “You’re too sweet- y’didn’t have to make me coffee” he said and I smiled a bit, padding over carefully and handing him his cup. “Well you don’t have time for breakfast so…guess it’s the next best thing” I put my phone on the bed, carefully sitting down criss cross. 

He took a sip, humming in satisfaction “Mm, it’s really good babe, thanks” he set it down on the dresser, pulling a plain white shirt out of his bag that I usually saw him in and smiling a bit to myself as I watched him pull it over his head. “You’re cute” I said softly and he snorted through his nose softly in amusement. “You are sleep deprived from staying up until 1 am, and then waking up at 3 and again at 4 to watch Taylor.” He countered, grabbing his mug and sitting down next to me. 

“Oh sure you’re one to talk about sleep deprivation” I teased, grabbing my phone and setting it in my view. “It’s different for me because I’m used to it. It’s just how I operate. I don't need to sleep” he shrugged and I laughed. “Mmm- so not only are you one of the best chefs in the world- you also are the first animal to not need sleep? I really won the genetic lottery with you our kids are gonna be superhero’s” I joked, and he nearly chokes on his coffee. 

“You want kids?” He asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I-I mean…maybe? If I’m..able to have them…I have a lot of…plumbing issues I guess” I said, turning my attention back to my cup. “I’d be a horrible father.” He said and I looked back at him, furrowing my brows. “No, you would not be, Carmen. Why do you say that?” I asked and he rolled his eyes. “Please Winnie. One thing at a time. I can’t even imagine myself dating someone on a regular basis…” he said and I felt my cheeks heat, nodding quickly. 

“I- I’m sorry it…it was a stupid joke. I probably…I was told it’s like a really slim to none chance I can even have kids, anyways so…” I cleared my throat, biting back the large lump with a sharp, thick swallow. “I’d- I’d probably be a shitty mom anyway” I awkwardly laughed a bit, turning my attention back to the screen and sipping my coffee to ease the tension. “I think you’d be an amazing mom” he said a few moments later, my cheeks getting warmer. 

“I’m- I’m too emotional”  I mutter, shaking my head and looking down at my cup. “That’s one of my favorite things about you” he said softly and I met his gaze, my fingers tightening around my cup. “What- what is?” I asked softly. 

“That you…you just say what it is you’re feeling- even if you’re having like..big feelings, and that you aren’t like..scared? Of how I’ll react? Like you just…you say whatever y’re feelin’.” He admitted, taking another sip from his mug. I shrugged a bit “no use lying about how I feel, or what I want- I’d rather someone just rip the bandaid off and leave if they don’t want the same things before I can get attached to them fully.” I said and he nodded a bit. 

“Have you always been like that?” He asked, and I shook my head quickly. “Absolutely not. I used to be the biggest people pleaser. Now I care about myself and my feelings a lot more. Took years of therapy” I said, looking over as Persephone leaped up, and walked over to Carmen’s lap, plopping herself down and purring loudly. “Well hello miss” he said with a smile, scratching her chin and she purred louder causing him to chuckle. 

“Y’sound like a lawnmower, cat” he set his cup down to give her his full attention, and she rolled onto her back, stretching and showing off her belly, causing me to giggle. “Why don’t you have a cat?” I questioned and he shrugged, petting her soft chest gently. “I dunno…never really thought about it before. I’m never home I guess, so not really sure it’d be fair” he said and she started licking his finger gently, causing him to gasp lightly and look over to me. 

“She’s kissing me” he said giddily, almost giggling as she licked over his tattoos. I felt my heart flutter, feeling so enamored by seeing the softer side of him. “Mmhmm, she thinks you’re her baby I guess, she does it to me too even though I am the mother here” I stroked her tail gently and she looks at me giving a sassy ‘brrrow’ before getting up and settling in to his side, where I couldn’t pet her. 

“Wooooow” I laughed. “You takin’ ‘er? Seems like she’s found a new bestie” I joked, causing him to chuckle. “Are you gonna be my new kitchen kitty, Persephone? Mm? I’m sure the customers would love you” he cooed, stroking her back gently. “You’re just too cute- but I gotta get goin’ little fluff, you make it really hard to get outta here I just wanna lay here and cuddle you all day” he tells her sweetly, causing me to smile wide. He would be a fucking amazing dad. He’s so, so sweet when he allows himself to be. 

“Wait- already?!” I realized what he’d said and he looked over “ye’ babe m’ sorry. But 3 right? I’ll be by the store for ya’?” He grabbed my hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing my fingers. “Yeah” I said and pouted a bit. “Here let me give you your coffee to go” I leaned over him, pecking his lips before grabbing his half full mug of coffee from the nightstand and heading to the kitchen.  

I put it in the microwave so it would be hot for him again, getting out my pale green yeti adorned with different stickers from camping trips and I Sadie had taken, and filling it with the once again steaming coffee, sprinkling a little cinnamon on top before closing the lid and coming back to see he’d already gotten his bag together and was dangling one of Sephys toys chuckling a bit whenever she’d dive up to grab it and miss. “Hey- thanks by the way” he said with a smile, taking the cup when I offered it to him and he flings the mouse he’d been teasing her with in the hallway and she darts after it like a bat out of hell causing him to chuckle lightly. 

“I hate that you have to leave so soon” I come and straddle his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and wrapping myself around him like a koala. He chuckled a bit “2 clingy girls in the morning huh?” He teases as Persephone comes back, dropping the mouse at his feet and meowing, begging him to throw it again. “Well when we have the sexiest chef in all of Chicago here, how can we not be?” I kissed him, playing with his damp curls gently. 

His hand trailed up the back of my shirt, rubbing over the scar that went down the side of my ribs and hip gently, leaving a warm trail of goosebumps in its wake. I hummed sweetly into the kiss, opening my mouth for him and he took the invitation, our kiss becoming deeper, heavier, hornier. I moaned softly into his mouth allowing his tongue to dominate mine as he reached down and squeezes my ass before pulling away slightly. I open my eyes. 

“Why don't you taste like cigarettes?” I asked softly and his brows knitted together for a moment “uh- I- I..dunno? I guess…guess I haven’t smoked since I got here” he said and I smiled a bit. “Hm” was all I said and a grin slowly appeared. “Hm what?” He asked, stroking the sides of my thighs gently with his palms. I shrug, “dunno…just thought you smoked a lot.” I said and he snorts “I do. I go through like…god. I used to be a pack a day but now I’m down to like..half, why? You countin’ for me?” He teased. 

“No, but half a pack usually says you’re going out like- mm every other hour? I’ve seen you smoke 3 times, maybe 4. Less then a handful, for sure, cause you look really hot when you do it, so I notice.” I said, playing with the tight curls at the base of his neck gently. “Mm” he hummed, looking at my lips for a moment before leaning in and kissing me again, the sweet, gentle kind of kiss I knew that was going to end with a ‘see you later’ so I tightened my arms around him, dragging it out for as long as I could before he pulled away. 

“Baby” he said quiet but stern, resting his forehead on mine. “Yes bear?” I said sweetly, causing his smile to grow. “I have to go, or the delivery guy is gonna leave all our shit in the back.” He said softly and kisses my forehead, lingering for a moment. “I promise yeah? As soon as Syd gets in I’ll make sure she knows she’s gonna be covering for me for lunch.” He said and trailed kisses down my jaw. My stomach tightened at the idea of potentially putting Syd under more stress for my own selfish desires. 

“Can’t- w-why can’t sugar?” I asked, my voice trembling a bit as he kissed a particularly sensitive spot below my jaw. He chuckled a bit into my skin, his hot breath causing a fire of goosebumps to trail down my neck. “Because Sug is my books girl, and Syd is my right hand honey. She can handle it, I know she can. C’mon baby, up I’m already 5 minutes behind” he pats my bum. 

I sighed softly, getting up and going to my side of the bed, sliding into my slippers and I walked him to the door. Persephone weaves between his legs, plopping down on top of his feet when we stop in the entryway causing him to chuckle. “I’ll be back soon huh snowball?” He leaned down, patting her hip gently. “Take good care of Y’re mom for me if she has any more tummy aches ok?” He told her as he scratched her chin causing me to smile bashfully.  “Get over here you big smush” I said and he stood up straight, wrapping his arms around my waist and giving me one final deep juicy goodbye kiss before pulling away. “3pm, I’ll be seein’ you princess.” He affirmed and I nodded, feeling absolutely enchanted by the romance and domesticity of it all. “3” I repeated, opening the door for him.

𝒞𝒶𝓇𝓂'𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱.🧸 

I practically bounced down the stairs, a small smile on my face. What the fuck was this feeling? I continued asking myself that same question as I fished my cigarettes out of my pocket as well as my lighter, taking a long drag. The light feeling hits my head before I can even slip my lighter into pocket and I exhale, blinking a few times at the sensation. 

I’m pretty sure the last time I got a cigarette buzz is that time in New York I was in the hospital for 3 days and they would not allow me out to smoke. 

I also can’t remember the last time I woke up feeling like this. I didn’t wake up on my own bullshit last night, instead it was Winnie who needed my help. I actually feel…clear headed again? For the first time since I’d - left…Winnie’s on Saturday. 

My heart thumped faster at the realization, why the fuck does she have this effect on me? And why the fuck do I have so many god damn questions this morning? I took another pull of my cigarette, thinking back again to what Winnie said. She remembers what I taste like? I surely remember what she tastes like, I mean- I only fucking imagine it when I’m falling asleep. 

I’d never kissed someone as fuckin’ sweet as her before- in every damn way. From her chapstick that somehow managed to always be present, to her gentle, soft lips, the adorable, delectable little noises she makes when I feel her up. I felt my blood rushing the wrong way and my cheeks heated slightly. How fuckin old am I? Jesus Christ getting semi-hard thinking about making out. Get a grip. 

I sighed softly to myself, thinking about the prep I needed to get done at the restaurant instead. I need to double check the order, I need to take stock of the back freezer, that’s where I put that purple cabbage- I could do cabbage rolls I’d bet she’d get a kick out of a purple lunch. I shook my head to myself, I can’t even keep my mind off her for two seconds it felt. 

I got to the restaurant, just getting the back door unlocked as the delivery driver pounded “sorry- late morning” I muttered as I shoved the door open for him and he goes through to the kitchen, dropping off the boxes at the freezer. “Have a good one” I told him as he passes by with a grunt of acknowledgment, the door swinging behind him and shutting with a slam. 

The sound brings my mind back to yesterday, Sydney’s sharp, cutting words before she left my office. “You will have nothing to worry about me, and my interest in your “personal” life - anymore, heard?” 

I sighed deeply, leaning against the wall and rubbing my face over roughly. “Fuckin, give me a break. Can I just get a break.” I muttered to myself, shaking my head as I mulled over what I could possibly say to try to convince her outside of being her boss I wasn’t the biggest douchebag to ever walk the face of the planet. Nothing that I threw at the wall seemed to stick, whatsoever. Especially considering Sydney’s responses to my pathetic apology attempts before. 

You're right. Your behavior was unacceptable, I’m glad you realize that. 

If you don’t wanna be an asshole- don’t be an asshole. 

I actually tend to agree- you do overreact and have a horrible temper. 

I shook my head, going to the back and changing, leaving my stuff in my locker before coming back out, beginning to put away todays delivery in the fridge and freezer. I got lost in the groove for a while, only being pulled out when I heard the door close and lock again. Fuck. I still have no idea what I’m gonna say to her. I ran a hand through my hair nervously, leaning against the freezer door as I watch my breath in puffs. 

I rested my head against the freezer door, tugging at my hair trying to form at least one noteworthy apology I could come up with. What the fuck am I even apologizing for? Like -

 ‘Hey Syd. Sorry there was a lot of weird sexual tension between us for a few months. I’ve been really horny and frustrated since I moved back from New York, you’re really hot, I’m a manipulative piece of shit- and allowed myself to flirt with you for a while, hard- because I simply wanted to peak my own interest and see if you liked me back. Why? Oh just to stroke my ego! Even though I knew I could never bring myself to jeopardize my friendship with you, or loose the best employee I've ever hired, and likely will ever hire - by a) embarrassing myself with my utter lack of sexual experience, and b) risking the ultimate rejection if you didn’t feel the same - and the worst kind of rejection. Because I’m your fucking MENTOR hitting on my OWN employee and the person who runs ‘HR’ if you were uncomfortable? Oh she just changed my dirty fucking diapers. Totally not a conflict of interest for her on who to side with. Oh! Also- I’m sorry for a few months later- sneaking around your back, and not telling you anything when I started seeing one of your friends- even though we were good friends that told eachother mostly everything just a few weeks before I met her- before I went and fucked it up like everything else of course. Oh!!! and this is all to say- I really want to continue what I had goin’ this morning with said friend of yours, would you mind maybe…staying here for me? handling everything by yourself for an hour while I *hopefully* go get laid later pretty please?” 

“Chef? You here?” Her voice pulls me from my thoughts. I took a deep breath, grabbing my clipboard from the box I’d left it “ye sorry” I said pulling open the door, “the uh- finishin’ the inventory.” I muttered, heading over to the mobile order tablet to see if we had any preorders to fill. “I’m um- about…about yesterday” I looked at her. 

“I’m sorry” I said evenly, “I uh- I’m…I’m sorry. Im sorry for being such a fuckin’ dick lately. I deserved it.” I said she she was a bit taken aback by my apology, something that wasn’t too common coming from me- verbally anyway. 

“Uh…” she blinked a few times. “Yea- yeah. Thank you.” She said, nodding a bit. I sighed a bit, closing my eyes and shaking my head “do you- d’you think you can uh…cover? For me? Today. From 3 to like..probably 4ish” I look at her and she rolls her eyes lightly. “Just know if you hurt her. I’ll know. I’m always watching. Yes. I’ll cover for you. If you bring this” she digs around in her bag, handing over a black dress “back to her so I don’t have to make the extra trip. Tell ‘er thanks again. And also- I want my Prada heels back, I’ve been asking about them for like 3 weeks now and she told me she was holding them ransom until she got this back.” She headed to the back to get changed. 

I held the dress up, looking at it and smiling softly, shaking my head. I went to the office, dropping the dress off in my backpack and seeing a bright green sticky stuck to the side of the desk when I bent over. I grab it, standing up and reading over the note, a large goofy grin taking over my features and blushed, snorting through my nose at the little hearts drawn over the I’s 

You are one sexiii lil’ Italian hunk. Xoxo - ur secret admirer ;) 

I admired her handwriting for a moment, memorizing the details of each little letter. Storing a mental snapshot of it in the back of my mind. I took a tack, sticking it to my little post board that was covered in old notices and bills for the restaurant as well as well past to-do lists, and smiled realizing it was the only splash of color on the board. 

I slip my phone out of my pocket to text her, and see she’d sent me a video as well as a message. I sat down in my desk chair, clicking it open. 

She has NOT stopped - she misses her new bestie 🥺 

I clicked open the video, to see Winnie’s freckled legs splayed on the couch in front of her as she zooms into the front door, where Persephone sat splat in the middle of the hallway, howling. 

“Baaaby girl!!” Her sweet voice cooed, bringing a smile to my face instantly “he had to go to works! He can’t stay home with Mama and play mousey all day with the kittens!” she explained to her, to which the fluffball turned around, meowing in her direction. God, the way she talks to her is so fuckin’ cute. 

“He is a busy important man baby,” she said as the cat pranced over to her, standing on her hind legs and sniffing the camera. “Awww you givin ‘em kisses? That's so sweet my little angel, I miss his kisses too” she said, my cheeks heating and I bit my lip to contain my grin.

“okay you’ve told him how much you miss him and given more kisses- he’s got the coolest restaurant in Chi-town to run, now say bye-bye!” She giggled and the video ended. I sat back in my chair, playing the video twice more over just to hear her voice for a little longer before replying. 

Tell her mamas ‘sexiii little Italian hunk’ can be back for snuggles at 11, if mommy is ok with that, that is 😉 

I hit send before I could think about it, mulling over the words she’d told me this morning. 

No use in lying about what I want. 

I left my phone on the desk, knowing I’d be tempted to pull it out any time I got some random notification from my email or news app to see if she’d texted, and headed back out to the kitchen with the mug she’d lent me, taking a sip and setting it next to the preorder till, scrolling through and accepting the orders for the day. 

Sydney was over at her station next to me, chopping grapes for the welcome broth, looking over when I set the mug down. “Is that-“ she said and I looked up from the tablet, seeing her staring at the mug. “Dude.” She looks at me, heat finding its way back to my cheeks. “I don’t even know why I’m worried about her. You’re the one that’s gonna be getting yourself hurt here.” She shook her head, smiling dryly to herself as she went back to cutting the grapes into even fourths. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, the statement coming out a bit more defensive then I’d meant it to. “It means - I know you, Carm. And this is the same bullshit that happened with Claire.” She said matter-of-factly. I scoffed slightly, “she is not fucking Claire. You should know that, better than anyone else.” I rolled my eyes slightly at the mere idea anyone could ever compare the 2 of them. 

“I know she’s not Claire. But I know who you are, Carmen. And the second you fuck up here, a fuckup you can’t just scramble and fix? You’re gonna blame her. And guess what?” She sets her knife down. “Just like you did with Claire, you’re gonna run away- but this time, instead of having Winnie fall to your feet like Claire did, begging for you to be with her, Winnie is going to drop you and cut you out faster than you can even imagine. She doesn’t fuck around with people who can’t appreciate her anymore.” She pushed the grapes into the bowl and wiped down her board with a kitchen towel. 

“She’s different though, Syd, that’s why I don’t feel like running. It’s honestly…” I shook my head, turning my attention back to the till to avoid her gaze. “It’s fucking terrifying.” I said quietly, rubbing my wrist nervously. “I’m…I’m gonna try. Okay?” I looked at her and she nodded slightly, but the look behind her eyes said she didn’t believe it. 

“Give it your best,” she turned her attention back to the garlic she was now mincing. “I also don’t even think you really know what you’re getting into, but hey-” She shrugged curtly “you’re the boss, right” she said, and I felt my chest tighten. This entire situation was becoming more, and more difficult to navigate as it became more intense due to the simple fact my right fuckin hand isn’t wanting to cooperate.

Syd is my emotional rock at work- which was essentially my entire life, so the way she is refusing to guide me is going to cause this to end up crashing and burning, horribly. 

“Jesus Syd. Will you cut the bullshit. Fuckin- when have I ever thrown that shit in your face?! I respect you, Sydney. I respect the work you do here, and even more I respect you as a fucking friend. Yes, I am a fuckin’ jagoff a lot of the time. I have a short fucking temper, I take it out on you- be-because I” she stared at me, silently waiting for me to finish. 

I swallowed thickly, closing my eyes and reeling the words I really wanted to tell her back down my throat. One night with Winnie was fantastic, but it wasn’t so emotionally unveiling that I’d admit to one of my closest friends that I love having her in my life and genuinely believe her advice. 

“Because- I know…I know you are better then I am, Syd. I see so fucking much in you. I’m harder on you then any other person, because I know you could do this better than I could. And I…I know I’m a fuckin’ mule when it comes to advice about the restaurant but- in life? With..like being a fuckin’ friend and shit? Y’know…like…being- being a whole person.” My voice trailed off at the end and she stares at me, jaw slightly open. 

“Uh…” she said softly, blinking a few times, “thank- thank you. Thank you. For the apology” she went back to mincing the garlic and my eyebrows furrowed. “Apology?” I asked. “The first real apology you’ve ever given me. That is how you apologize, you know that, right? You stated the behavior, admitted you know it was wrong, agreed you were acting shitty, were honest about why you act the way you do, and affirmed me that I do mean something in your life” she said, scraping the garlic into the bowl with her knife. 

“There’s a structural way to give an apology?” I questioned, taking another sip of coffee that was still nice and hot due to the travel mug it was in, I’d need to get one of these for myself. She snorted at my response, a smile finally coming to her face. “You have a lot to learn from Winnie. Shes gonna therapy your ass out. Maybe this is a good thing, she can teach you somethin’ “ she took the bowl, heading over to the stoves where a large pot she’d set out was waiting for her. 

“Yup..she’s already started, you can probably tell though” I began taping up the first orders of the day for Ebra at the order prep station. “You think I can’t tell?” She asked and I smiled a bit, looking back at her. “What? Am I that juvenile that you can tell when I have a crush?” I joked and she laughed a bit. “Well, yes. But also- I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without dark circles. You’ve clearly been sleeping better since you started seeing her.” She poured in the onions she’d been chopping before I came in into the hot pot, beginning to sauté them with a wooden spoon. 

“Have you slept over her house? I swear she has like…” I smiled a bit, taping up the last order up on the metal shelf “a fuckin’ method for going to bed dude. Like- she has this..this-“ “noise machine” we said at the same time and she giggled a bit. “I’ve had many sleepovers there. She’s high maintenance with her bedtime routine.” She said and I snort. “Routine” I muttered, walking over to the ice machine and checking the log to be sure Richie cleaned it as promised. 

“That’s probably why you can’t sleep- what do you do before bed usually?” She asked, pouring in the grapes and garlic to cook down when the onions were soft enough. “Uhhh” I think for a moment. “Well- I get home. Shower. Eat a sandwich, then turn on some cooking show and pass out on the couch before the first commercial” I headed back to the fridge to grab a few loaves of dough out for Marcus that I knew he’d be needing when he got in.  “That’s the reason, and you wonder why your back is totally fucked” she called after me. I came back with the dough “no, not really. Just like to complain” I teased, setting the dough down on his station for him so it would proof before he got in.

I wasn’t able to get back to the office to grab my phone and cigarettes until around one, leaning against the wall and lighting it before taking out my phone to see a text from Winnie that had been timestamped at 9:50. 

This mamas will take a sexy Italian hunk in her bed any night of the week 😚 

I smiled, shaking my head amusedly and sending a response. 

What r we feelin for lunch today? 

It wasn’t more than a few minutes of leaning against the brick, thinking about the prep I needed to finish for next rush, before my phone buzzed against my leg again. I fished it out of my pocket, clicking on the text icon. 

I’m SO glad you asked. I've been stalking your menu online all day- I wanna try the chicken picatta, but can you do pasta + extra garlic in it for meeee 🥹?

I smiled at the choice of emoji, texting back with my thumb quickly. 

Gotchu babe 

I finished my cigarette, sliding my phone in my pocket and stepping out the butt before heading back inside. 

At around 2:30 I started making our lunch, “did I miss a ticket Chef?” Ebra asked, watching as I dropped the pasta in the boiling water. “No- no. All good Ebra keep up your pace. This is f’r me and a…a friend” I mixed it around with the spoon before grabbing 2 to go containers for us. 

“You’ve been seeing your friend a lot ‘eh?” He smiled a bit, continuing to braise the short rib order he was working on. “I have” I nodded, setting the containers down next to my station on the counter. “She’s uh…a good person to be around.” I said adding the lemon in to the sauce. “You seem…more pleasant.” He said, causing me to chuckle. “Y’sayin im an asshole most the time?” I teased and he shook his head with a small smile.  “Some of the time, but less of the time since your…friend.” He said and plated the order, calling it out as he slid it down for the servers. By the time I’d packed up our lunch, and made it back to the office it was 2:54, perfect timing. I put on my jacket, stuffing my cigarettes and lighter in my pocket and headed to the bookstore.

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

“No no I think we have to flip it” Sadie said and I gasped, “you are so so fucking smart oh my god the biggest brain ever!!” I laughed, turning my phone back around the right way and screenshotting the photo of the cryptic, scrambled, backwards looking letters Taylor had posted on TikTok. The store was empty, had been for the past hour. The gloomy day out wasn’t helping the case of any possible tourists wandering, or our regulars stopping by. 

“Oh my god shut up” I gasped as I read it “stop!! Evermore and Folklores triplet!” I squealed happily, patting her arm quickly in excitement. “Bitch. Oh my god this is insane” she shook her head in disbelief, a wide smile as she hovered over my shoulder reading along as I swiped the next one, doing the same process of screenshotting before flipping the image.

The bell above the door dinged and we both looked up Simultaneously, “Carm!” I said, hopping off the stool and bouncing over excitedly to give him a big hug. I nuzzled my face in his neck, wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders kissing his exposed skin gently. “Hey Win” he said softly, rubbing my back gently. I crane my neck up at his towering frame, looking at him with a large smile “guess what” I said excitedly. 

“What?” He asked with an amused smile, looking down at me adoringly.  “Taylor posted new fuckin’ lyrics!! And they’re SO sad!! C’mon-“ I took his hand, lacing our fingers together swiftly. I look over my shoulder as we passed the font counter “Takin’ lunch- if I go over 30 and it gets busy, come get me” I told Sadie. “ Doubt it’ll get busy this time of fay, Have funnn” she said in a sing-song voice, wiggling her eyebrows and I rolled my eyes playfully, dragging him to the back office and shutting the door. 

“Hey” I smiled and he put the brown paper bag on the desk, wrapping his strong, calloused hands around my waist. “Hey baby” he leaned in, kissing me sweetly and cupping my cheek. My heart warmed at the gentle gesture, relishing in the feeling of his rough skin and gently resting my hand atop of his much larger one, curling my fingers against his palm. My eyes fluttered open when he pulled away, and I kissed along his jaw gently. “How’s work?” I ask softly, wrapping my arms around his shoulders loosely as I pepper him in sweet gentle kisses. 

“It’s goin’ ” he ran his hands down to my bum and squeezed, causing me to smile into his skin, and gently graze the corner of his jaw with my teeth, nipping playfully. He hummed “you need to behave yourself- your friends out there baby” he said quietly as to not alert her, slipping his hands into my back pockets, his thumbs hanging in the back belt loops of my jeans. 

“Who said I’m not behaving?” I whispered in his ear and gently tugged the lobe with my teeth. He inhales deeply. “It’s time to eat” he took his hands out of my pockets, spanking me with his left hand lightly but sharp, causing me to giggle. “Someone’s in a mood today” I teased, grabbing the bag and plopping on the couch in the corner. 

“A mood” he repeated with a smile, sitting down next to me. I crossed my legs over one another casually, taking out one of the two boxes from the bag and handing it over to him. “A bossy mood” I said teasingly, taking out my own box and dumping the remaining silverware and napkins out of the bag into my lap, handing him one of the little plastic pouches as well as half the napkins.  

“Mmm…you say bossy, I say time conscious” he countered and I snorted lightly opening up my white styrofoam container. “ooooo” I said excitedly at the look and smell, looking over at him, beaming in admiration. “it looks soo good Carmy, you spoil me. Thank you, truly. This is so much better then anything I ever could’ve brought.” I leaned over, pecking his lips gently and he smiled

 “Any time babe it’s nothin crazy, just my job” he said and I opened my silverware, pulling out the plastic fork. I said a silent ‘please let this look kinda normal?’ Prayer, before cutting up my chicken. “You’re the best at your job.” I said, huffing slightly when the pieces came out absolutely mangled. 

He laughed “babe- what the fuck are you doing to that chicken?” He asked and I blushed slightly, pouting out my lip and looking over to him. “Stooooppp” I whine. “I hate cutting food. I always fuck it up it looks like a fuckin’ kid did it” I said, twirling up a piece of chicken defeatedly with some of the pasta underneath. “It’s not that hard honey, I can teach you if you want” he said and I rolled my eyes, taking a bite. 

I hummed happily at the lemon, garlic, herby goodness dancing over my tongue, and rested my head back on the couch, closing my eyes. “fuck. Oh my god Carm.” I look at him “this is amazing” I said and he chuckled. “Say say that every time I make you something.” He said and I shook my head, going in for another bite. 

When we had finished eating about 15 or so minutes later, and it wasn’t long after that before I was straddling his lap, and we were heavily feeling eachother up as we exchanged needy, sloppy kisses. I gently tugged on his curls, whimpering softly as he slowly ran his tongue against mine. I felt his hand on the back of my head, pulling me in to kiss me harder. My grip on his hair tightened, pulling a bit harder earning a moan into my mouth that caused me to smile against his lips. 

I hummed against him gently, moving my tongue against his, fighting for control. After about a minute or so, he finally let me have what I wanted. I pressed my chest against his, feeling his hands slowly travel up to my hair, playing with the ends gently hesitantly. I ran my tongue against his, thinking about the interesting taste of the lingering tastes on his tongue and trying to decipher them. 

Cigarettes- obviously, lemon, garlic…maybe cape- my thoughts are quickly interrupted with the feeling of his large hand gripping the base of my neck, his fingers intertwining between large strands of my hair and a sharp pull, causing our lips to suddenly disconnect, a short gasp leaving my lips at the demanding action. 

A small string of saliva connected us for a moment before his tongue darted out over his nearly kiss-bruised lips. “What you said this morning about…about saying what you want” he said softly, his voice husky and low. 

I nodded quickly, my core twitching and throbbing, imagining what he was going to say next. I would do absolutely anything he asked. I needed him so intensely at the current moment, that I was nearly sure I would have to change my tampon again from my gushing arousal when he eventually had to go.

“I-“ he took a sharp, quivering breath as I grind against his crotch with an achingly slow, hard circular movement of my hips, kissing and nipping his neck gently, I could tell the friction was driving him insane. 

“Fuck- I-I want you to suck my cock, h-here. Now. Right now” he said, his voice needy and breathy. I bit my lip to contain a grin. “Yeah? Sure baby, I’d love to” I grabbed a pillow without another thought, plopping it on the floor in front of his feet and getting on my knees, tying my long auburn hair back swiftly into a low bun with the hair tie I kept on my wrist for emergencies.  

I gently stroked his thighs, looking up at him intently. I felt the anxiety radiating off of him, even among the thick tension of desire that was lining the room. “ ‘s ok, baby, Sadie won’t come back here unless the building is literally on fire.” I affirmed gently, feeling him slightly relax a bit under my slow, steady strokes up and down the length of his muscular thighs. 

“Y’re so fuckin’ beautiful, honey. Fuck. Y’re so fuckin perfect.” He muttered, I bit my lip gently, tightening my thighs together to try and gain some friction that would ease the ache in my core. “May I?” I asked gently, my hand finding his belt buckle as I wouldn’t tear my eyes from his locked gaze and tugging gently. 

“Do whatever, baby, please.” He gently brushed my fringe from my eyes gently, running his hand back behind my head, lacing his fingers into my hair firmly. My eyes flicked to his belt buckle, my fingers trembling slightly in anticipation as I slipped the leather free, the light jingle of the metal causing my throat to bob in a thick swallow. 

I wondered what his belt would feel like if he spanked me with it, if he would leave marks if I asked him to... 

I gently undid the button of his pants with light hands, my eyes trailing down, admiring his frame, landing on his abdomen. I slid my hands up his thighs achingly slowly, pushing up the hem of his white shirt with my thumbs, exposing his chiseled stomach. With gentle fingers, I led teasing strokes up his v line gently with the pads of my silky digits. I felt goosebumps rise under my touch, a small smirk gracing my features.  “y’know what’d be so fuckin’ sexy, baby? Like…it’d make me insane?” I asked in a sultry tone. 

My gaze didn’t break his as I pushed his shirt higher, exposing his abs and leaning down, licking a thick, hot stripe along the chizled line. I felt his stomach muscles tightening under my tongue gently, and he let out a soft whimper. “W-what baby?” He questioned, tugging on my hair gently. My eyes flicker up to his, a frisky smile on my lips. 

“It would be so fucking sexy if you had hip tattoos” my fingers brush along his hip bones before leaning down and leaving a trail of kisses over each hip. His breathing got heavier beneath my touch, my hand trailing up and brushing over his abs. 

I kept my eyes locked on his as I raked my nails lightly over his muscular torso causing him to shiver slightly, adorable. I planted an open mouth kiss right below his navel. “F-fuck- I’ll think ‘bout it babe, c’mon, it’s 3:29” he said, glancing at the clock and I giggled, amused at his obsession with keeping time.

“Soo bossy” I hummed, “you need to close your eyes, and trust me. I promise, here” I set my phone next to me “I’ll keep track of time, let me help you relax baby” I kissed his hip tenderly. He nodded a bit, resting his head back and closing his eyes. 

“I usually wouldn’t ask- but please” be quiet.” I said, reaching my hand in his boxers and pulling his hard length free of the fabric, pushing his chefs slacks down out of my way as much as I could. He snorted, looking down at me. “Y’know, I could easily revert to my old ways and say nothing when I fuck you, would you rather that?” I raised my eyebrows in surprise, a smirk coming to my face. 

“I love this new attitude you’ve taken on, Bear” I licked a hot wet stripe with the pad of my tongue from the base vein of his thick member to the tip and his head dropped back, blue eyes fluttering shut in bliss. “Y’re so fuckin’ good at that” he muttered. “You have such a nice cock” I said quietly, admiring it in my hand before taking the tip in my mouth and humming at the salty, slightly bitter taste of his precum coating my tongue. 

His hand finds the back of my head again and he pushes firm but not harsh, causing me to sink down a good three inches “there” he breathed out. I stroked the bottom third firmly as he liked, starting a good rhythm as I bobbed my head up and down. I hollowed out my cheeks, earning a soft grunt from him. 

I looked up at him through my eyelashes, his head was fallen back on the couch, the veins in his neck bulging with pleasure, jaw tight, breathing rigid. I quickened the pace with my hand, along with my mouth and he tugs his bottom between his lip hotly, eyes screwed shut. My other hand trails up his abdomen, tracing the curve of the hard muscle beneath my skin. 

His muscles twitched and contracted beneath my gentle touch, taking a sharp breath as I came up and flicked my tongue quickly over his tip and I felt his cock twitch in my hand. I gently pump him, twisting my hand slightly around his length with the firm grip he preferred, removing my mouth from him. “Carmy” I said softly, my hand splaying over his tight stomach and rubbing strokes back and forth over his hips. 

His eyes fluttered open and he looked down at me, gasping lightly at the sight. My lips were no doubt swollen and glistening with saliva. “I want you to look at me when you cum, I think it’s hot” I said and he swallowed thickly, nodding a bit “yeah baby… I gotchu” he said and I smiled a bit, looking up at him through my eyelashes as I took his tip in my mouth. 

I slowly sank down to meet my hand half way, working my tongue around his length as I hollowed my cheeks. “Y’re so fuckin’ pretty on your knees f’me baby” he said softly, stroking the back of my head with his thumb gently.

My core throbs, aching in desire with the added praise. But in my current condition I’d never let him do anything with me, I’d rather just handle it on my own at home. I could not wait to get home after this was over to get some relief. 

I felt his length twitching and tightening in my mouth around my tongue, I lick a hot wet stripe up to his tip, flicking my tongue over the sensitive pink as I worked my hand in a way that made his stomach clench and his hand that wasn’t in my hair was holding a white knuckled grip on the cushion next to him. 

“Fuck, fuck thats it- good fuckin’ girl” he grunted out as he shot thick white stripes of pleasure all the way to the back of my tongue. I hum in satisfaction at the taste and watch as his head falls back, eyes fluttering shut as he pants. I swallowed the hot salty liquid, gently fixing his pants and buttoning them as he caught his breath. 

He continues to watch me, cheeks flushed and pink, pupils blown wide with pleasure, chest rising and falling softly. “Y’re fuckin’ amazing y’know that, right baby?” He asked and I smile proudly, plopping in his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck loosely. 

“So I’ve heard” I joked and he leaned in, kissing me passionately. He hums gently at the taste of himself on my tongue, I smiled into the kiss, playing with his curls gently that were now slightly damp with sweat from the encounter. When he pulled away he gazes up at me. 

“Y’don’t have to swallow that shit, tasted awful” he said and I slap his chest playfully “does not! Your cum doesn’t taste bad, it’s one of the better I’ve tried actually” I said with a giggle and he rolls his eyes, shaking his head playfully. “You are somethin’ “ he tucks my hair behind my ear, smoothing out the back where he’d no doubt made a mess of it. 

I reach up, tugging the bun free and putting the hair tie back on my wrist. “I could say the same thing about you, never had a guy willingly kiss me after I blew him.” I leaned in to his chest. He scrunched his eyebrows a bit, “really?” He asked and I nod a bit “mmhmm” I hummed. “Why?” He asked and I shrug a bit. “ ‘dunno. The only guy I asked just said it was disgusting but it comes from your body so..and I think it’s hot.” I said. 

“Those guys sound like total pussys.” He said, smiling slightly and pulling me in for another kiss. Were interrupted by his phone ringing and he pulled away slightly, grabbing it from his jacket pocket. 

“Shit” he muttered to himself “hold on honey, I have to take this- it’s Syd” he clicked the answer button and held the phone up to his ear, since we were so close I could hear exactly what was being said. 

Carm? Hey.. uhh- ok so d’you know that like cater order that was placed yesterday on ubereats? 

She sounded very nervous. 

“Yeah- everything is prepped and set, all we had to do was warm it up. It should've been gone 45 minutes ago. What’s wrong” he demands. 

So like- I went on the tablet to check on it like to- to double check everything while it was heating up and I realized that it said it was canceled? And so.. so I was like that’s not right and I called the customer and asked if she canceled it and she got so so pissed like she starts screaming saying how this is for a business conference a-and I can’t.. I can’t get ahold of the people at Uber- I’m fucking up- I’m fucking it all up Carmen. 

He closes his eyes as she rambles on, taking a deep breath and rubbing over his face roughly as he thinks. “I’m on my way back, go in the fuckin’ office and take a breather. Someone fucked up but it wasn’t you.” I got off of his lap and smooth down my hair quickly, gathering the trash to throw away while he finished the conversation. “I’m sorry baby” he told me when he hung up. 

I shake my head slightly “No! No need to be sorry babe- Go be the boss, Syd needs you, are you coming over tonight?” I asked hopefully and he smiled slightly, putting his phone in his pocket “I can if that’s what Persephone wants” he teased and I rolled my eyes with a smile, walking up and wrapping my arms around his middle. 

“Well I guess it’s settled then, I was afraid she was gonna wake up the baby a few doors down” I giggle and he chuckled a bit, leaning down and kissing my lips sweetly. “I’ll be in around 12 or 1 cause a’this, that alright?” He asked and I nodded. “See you then, good luck” I said and he kissed my forehead sweetly before heading back to The Bear.

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

[wheels-of-despair]

Worth It | Ralph Penbury x You | Masterlist

{<-Previous} [Every Single Room] {Next->}

Summary: What comes after a wedding? Words: 1.8k

You were brought back to reality by a camera flash and a burst of unexpected cheering. You and your husband broke your kiss and turned your heads toward the house to see people pouring out of the doors. Ralph's eyes narrow, and he glares in Victoria's direction.

"Don't look at me like that, dear brother, you know you can't have a wedding without a reception!"

He looked like he was about to argue, but you pulled him close and whispered, "One more night, then it's just us. Let her have her party." He looks conflicted for a moment, then nods in defeat.

You stood still so the photographer could get a few shots of the two of you, and then instructed him to make the rounds and shoot freely. You didn't dare ask your mothers to join you for an official portrait. Although it would surely provide enough evidence for a conviction.

Someone dragged the gramophone outside, and music soon filled your ears. Not particularly good music, but music nonetheless.

"Dance! Dance!" the crowd chants in your direction. Ralph looks at you apologetically.

"The people have spoken," you tease, placing a hand on his shoulder. He responds to your movement, and you're suddenly reminded of your first dance together.

"Did we make my mother's head explode this time?" you ask. You both glance over at them and laugh. Your mothers are sitting side by side, watching you silently like a pair of angry hawks. The plan is to avoid them for the rest of the night, and then escape to the country for a month or so to give them time to get used to the idea that not only are their children married, but did not allow them to participate in the planning of the ceremony.

In your defense, you'd tried. But they'd nearly driven you mad.

After your first dance with your husband, your father cuts in, and Victoria snatches up Ralph before he can stand awkwardly to the side for too long. She may be annoying most of the time, but the excitement of helping you plan a secret wedding had kept her almost tolerable over these last few days.

"Do you think she'll ever forgive me for this?" you ask your father, trying not to look in the direction of your mother.

"I'm hopeful that she'll soften by the time you give her a grandchild."

"Really?"

"Maybe a great-grandchild." You both laugh.

"You have a honeymoon planned?"

"Yes, we'll be gone for a month or so. Give things time to cool down."

"Where will you go?"

"Officially, a cruise. Unofficially, the forgotten family estate where Ralph used to spend his summers."

"Officially?"

"I once heard his mother mention a tradition of the family coming to visit the happy couple during their honeymoon."

"Can't have that," he jokes.

"Absolutely not," you respond with a grin.

"Fear not, my dear, your secrets are always safe with me."

You smile up at him, happy for his unwavering support.

When the song ends, Ralph swoops back in to take you off your father's hands. He claps Ralph on the shoulder and goes to talk with the reverend, rather than return to the table where your mother is still glowering. Not even she can bring you down tonight.

"Congratulations!" you hear from behind you, and whirl around to see Nancy beaming with delight. "It was a beautiful ceremony, I'm so happy for you both!"

"Thank you for coming!" you tell her with a quick embrace. "I'm sorry we had to be so sneaky about it."

"It's all part of the fun!" she laughs. "Your purse and overnight bag are upstairs with the rest of your things," she says a bit lower.

"I can't thank you enough," you whisper. "Please tell me you'll stay for this reception we didn't ask for? I don't know what else Victoria has planned, but the champagne will probably flow until sunrise."

"Just for a little while. All this romance has a girl in need of a real date." You both giggle. "Good luck tonight," she says with a wink, "and happy honeymooning!"

You have a brief moment of panic as she disappears into the crowd, but it dissipates when your eyes meet Ralph's. You have nothing to worry about. You give him a warm smile and gesture toward the dancing crowd, where you lose yourselves in each other once again.

After a few more dances, Victoria calls for everyone's attention near the stairs, where a large cake has appeared while your attention was focused elsewhere.

"Come on, lovebirds, cut your cake!"

Ralph takes your hand and leads the way to the three-tiered white cake you'd picked out together. It's surprisingly beautiful, for something made with only a few days' notice. You cut it together, and the crowd cheers. You take a breath, thinking it's over.

"Go on, feed each other, tradition demands it!" Thank you, Victoria.

You eye the forks and quickly dismiss the idea of feeding it to him properly. Your hands were so shaky at the thought of being watched by so many strangers, you were afraid you'd stab him. Making the groom bleed on the wedding night is surely a bad omen.

You use the fork to cut off two bite-sized pieces from the first slice, and then reach for one. Ralph follows your lead, picking up the other. Aiming for each other's mouths with shaky hands, both pieces of cake miraculously end up where they're supposed to. It all went smoothly, except for that one brief second after you licked his finger that you worried Ralph might be having a stroke. You revive him with a sweet kiss.

Everyone cheers, the music and dancing quickly resume, and the two of you slip inside for a moment of quiet.

"Well, that was… unexpected."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know she was going to do that. Although I probably should have."

"It's fine, Ralph. Let them have their fun," you said gently.

"I know it wasn't what you wanted."

"I told you, Ralph: All I want is you."

Ralph's mouth crashes to yours, and your arms circle his neck. When you break for breath, you rest your foreheads together.

"Think they'd notice if we slipped out?" he asked mischievously.

"Does it matter? It's not like they know where we're going."

You share a wicked grin and leave your party behind.

You spent your first night as a married couple in one of London's finest hotels.

You hadn't done much sleeping, but it was a good night and a comfortable bed nonetheless. The two of you had finally passed out in the early hours of the morning, pressed together tightly in a tangle of limbs. You hadn't even slept long enough to drift apart before the wake-up call came.

You both groaned, but Ralph dragged himself out of bed to answer. You pouted at the lack of warmth as he acknowledged that he was awake, and ordered breakfast. After Ralph hung up the telephone, you pulled the covers aside, hoping he'd return to you instead of doing the responsible thing and getting dressed. He hesitated for about half a second before crawling back into bed, lying on his side and facing you.

"Good morning, Mr. Penbury," you whispered sleepily, cupping the side of his face.

"Good morning, Mrs. Penbury," he replied, face splitting into a grin, which yours soon matched.

You inched closer for a morning kiss, which lasted until a knock at the door announced the arrival of breakfast.

After you'd eaten and dressed, you re-packed your overnight bags and went down to the lobby to wait for the car.

When you'd finalized your plans for your escape, you'd each packed enough clothes for a month "at sea". A car would be picking them up at your homes that morning, and then you. If questioned, the driver was to tell your families that he was taking you south, to the coast, to meet your ship.

In reality, you were driving a few hours north, to the large estate in the country where young Ralph and Victoria had spent most of their summers. What was once a hub for Penbury family gatherings had become just another memory, as the various branches of the family had either fallen out, drifted apart, or simply chosen not to return. Ralph guessed that nowadays, the only people who entered it were the caretaker and the small team of maids who'd clean it a few times a year to ensure that it didn't fall into disrepair.

Ralph had called the caretaker a few days ago and told him of your plans, hoping the man would find it in his heart to forgive him for the events of the twins' 18th birthday party. That was the last time he'd laid eyes on the manor… unfocused though those eyes were, after a week of nonstop drinking with Victoria and about thirty of their closest acquaintances. Ralph had assured the caretaker that it would be just two of you this time, and that you wouldn't be much trouble.

The drive took a few hours, but it was pleasant. It was just the two of you and the driver, and the man hadn't said a word since he'd asked if you were ready to depart. Ralph had made this journey many times before, and was happy to point out landmarks along the way. You watched the scenery, and asked him questions about the stories he shared. During a quiet stretch with nothing special to see, you leaned your head on his shoulder and held his hand. Ralph closed his eyes for a second, enjoying the closeness. Would all of marriage be like this? Happy just to be together? He hoped so.

"Sir?"

Ralph's head shot up.

"We're nearly there, sir."

Ralph's sudden movement had jostled you awake. Sitting up and rubbing your eyes, you look out each window trying to take in as much as you could. Ralph watches with fondness.

"You shouldn't have let me fall asleep, I've missed half the trip!"

"You didn't get much sleep last night. I think you earned a nap," Ralph says with a wink. You turn your head toward the window in hopes of hiding your blush.

"This is it," Ralph informs you as the driver turns onto a quiet road lined with trees. You sit up straighter and watch the road closely.

After one more turn, the manor comes into view.

"This is it?" you breathe.

"Yes." Ralph is suddenly self-conscious, wondering if he'd oversold it. Should you have gone somewhere foreign and magnificent instead? This was a stupid idea, there's nothing special about this--

"Ralph, it's beautiful!"

"Really?"

You nod your head, not taking your eyes off of it.

Ralph grins. He knew this was a good idea. He leans in close and whispers, "We are going to make love in every single room."

"Ralph, that'll take until Christmas!"

"So be it," he laughs.

[bobbie-robron]

Robron Fanfiction Recommendations (Mar-2024)

The below were recommended on Twitter during the month of March 2024.

Conversations (2016) 5.5K words, dirtylittlegreasemonkey

Concentrates on the timeframe of January - March 2016 (the abuse reveal era). During these months, Robert became Aaron’s strongest supporter in helping him get through that time. But what did others think about this changed Robert and did they trust it? Here, we get various perspectives, including from Aaron himself. Most still don’t like Robert but their eyes do not deceive them when they see that Aaron brings out the best in him while being one of the very few he can confide in and feel comfortable around.

Mistake (2016) 9.1K words, SummerRaine14

Now that the vile one has been dealt with, Robert presents Aaron with a key… to Victoria Cottage… which he hopes to share with Aaron for a ‘proper start.’ Unfortunately, that makes Aaron avoid Robert at every chance possible leading to Robert deciding to leave for a cottage he owns outside the village. When Aaron learns of Robert’s departure through a letter and being given Victoria Cottage, he only has one thing on his mind… find Robert and clear things up between the two of them.

We’ll torch this place we know (2018) 12.3K words, Small_bump

Robert is trying to carry on as a single father after the death of that woman. That means doing his best to let go of Aaron to allow him to be happy with someone else even going as far as evading him whenever possible. Robert’s state of mind only worsens moving forward to the point he can’t let Sebastian out of his sight and fears losing him completely. All of this is tied to a showdown with the Whites and a secret revealed at that time. Can Aaron even get through to him before it’s too late?

license to … kiss? (2017) 9.2K words, sugdensquad

Aaron is assassin, one that kills the scum of the earth. His next assignment from Cain was supposed to be like the others but it wasn’t. As soon as Aaron sets sights on an on his own Robert, already drunk, something felt wrong. It gets worse when Aaron actually sits down and talks to the man who comes off as one having a heart and feelings, the complete opposite of what he expected. So… killing Robert might be harder to do after all… even at all… when more factors come into play…

All In A Moment (2017) 12.4K words, lullabelle_moon

Robert and Aaron were just enjoying themselves, simply being happy when, all of the sudden, Robert pushes Aaron out of the way and gets hit by an oncoming car. Can it get worse? Yup! When Robert comes to later in hospital, to Aaron’s devastation, he’s lost two years of their lives and believes he’s still married to Chrissie! But all may not be lost because Robert is feeling lost, like he’s missing something… and that may not be Chrissie after all!

Keeping us secret (2016) 13.3K words, jamesm97

Robert & Aaron fell in love in Part (after Ed) but broke up when Aaron was missing the village and his family but Robert was unwilling to go back and reveal he was bisexual. Two years later, Robert is a multimillionaire, divorced from Chrissie, the new owner of Home Farm and ready to be with Aaron. Aaron, on the other hand, doesn’t want to be his secret love, decides to do what he can to avoid Robert including involving Finn. How will these two idiots find their way back to each other?

Aaert (2016) 7.2K words, athlone

It’s the end of the vile one’s trial and Aaron asks Robert to take him away for a few nights after the verdict is in to avoid any Dingle celebrations or whatnot. At a large country house, after talking things through, they reunite but it’s not all roses after they return. Something happens to Robert (based on a past event) which may stall their moving forward with their second chance…

You’re so much brighter than the sun to me (2017) 7.4K words, wafflesofdoom

Hell year starting off differently with Aaron still having confronted Robert at Home Farm but convincing Robert NOT to take off the ring. After more talking, the two decide to still go ahead with the ‘holiday of a lifetime’… to Las Vegas to not only enjoy the sites but also go ahead with marrying. The coin makes a welcome appearance, too!

[alatusxiaoo]

twitter profiles — mystery machine

✉️ y/n — 4th year bio major. roommates with hutao and currently vying for high academic honors. up until today, still has absolutely no idea why she chose to take a bio major but is oddly proficient in the course anyway. tends to avoid parties because she is an absolute lightweight and is prone to making seriously terrible decisions when drunk (refer to masterlist synopsis for details lmao). her biggest goal before the academic year ends is to make it to graduation without holding any lingering regrets.

✉️ hu tao — 4th year physics major. similarly vying for high honors, and has connections with plenty of people in the same year. she’s known y/n since kindergarten and has been best friends with her ever since. both of them have stuck with each other through academics, life detours, personal struggles, and even certain romances. is y/n’s constant and number one supporter among their close friends.

✉️ ayaka — 4th year business admin major. one of y/n’s closest friends. currently the president of the student council in teyvat university, and considered as one of the most popular girls among all the students. she and her brother are taking the same course. was neighbors with y/n during the early years of high-school, and still remains as so in the girls’ dormitory. between their little and private group of friends, the majority evaluates her to be the most levelheaded person of them all.

✉️ lumine — 4th year civil engineering major. she is often victim to being indirectly (and unwillingly) lumped together with childe’s playboy antics. met y/n through ayaka during the last year of high-school and have been friends with each other ever since. loves volunteering, and is often seen with thoma doing welfare work. is the most lighthearted and easygoing person out of all their close companions.

✉️ venti — 4th year literature major. at present, he is everyone’s biggest affectionate major pain in the ass. him and y/n met through mutual friends during their freshman year and immediately hit it off. though most people don’t perceive him as a serious guy, he has a secret hobby of writing songs amidst his spare time and enjoys playing a bunch of instruments. is often regarded to be rather impulsive and reckless, albeit his mature wisdom tends to make the rarest appearances when the scarce moment calls for it. also has a childish tendency to push and joke about certain love-lines.

I WISH YOU WERE SOBER — [ masterlist. next. ]

synopsis — in which you were never really one for spontaneity or precipitous decisions, until you got yourself drunk at your senior year university party and woke up the next morning with the most dreadful of hangovers…along with a painfully distorted memory of a stolen kiss on that hazy evening.

taglist — @ilkuni @ceylestia @eissaaaa @venyan @sohyuki @senjurro @bobaducky @dinoshimaaa @sharoshing @ioverjn @hey-comrade-hold-stil @skaramush @lesbos4teyvat @clovcly @ventuswhat @zephestia @theother-victoria @neptun-es @ihaveahunterlisence @minyoungieee @astolary @wrenhyperfixates @heartonthemoon @goodthingimsam

[windor-truffle]

some quick graces thoughts (mostly about NPCs), i'm almost done w the child arc:

one of the Lhant soldiers already thinks Cedric might have ordered Bryce to attack Richard, and a few other NPCs seem to think someone in the royal family is involved in the king's mysterious "illness." It really feels like Cedric being sus af is something everyone knows but doesn't do anything about for like 7 years, maybe because they can't *technically* prove it? I guess Cedric has enough support that even the king doesn't want to point fingers and risk backlash.

That or the king himself is oblivious to the culprit due to their family ties, but that's really more of my own headcanon that King Ferdinand IV has a trusting, Asbel-esque personality. He did apparently tell Richard to follow his dreams of building a world without conflict, Richard notes the similarity there, but it's implied through use of the past tense that maybe the king doesn't see things that way anymore

You can tell this game was made in Japan because almost no one seems to bat an eye at letting the children wander around free-range, even when Asbel is supposed to be grounded neither the maids nor the guards or even his own Mom actually DO anything to stop him from leaving town. You'd think they'd want to keep a slightly closer eye on the next heir, but at least it means Asbel gets to avoid a Luke-like scenario of never leaving his house ever

Deciding who gets to protect who via foot race is the most childish and Asbel thing to ever happen 😂 Also him swearing to win next time just adds to his ever growing list of things to take vengeance on, like the Windor cow or the door in the catacombs. I feel like he loses a lot of his competitiveness once he's older but maybe I just need to do a closer study

Two different NPCs comment that after his trip to Lhant, Richard looks happier already than they'd ever seen him. Aww 💜

I didn't realize Victoria was in the child arc, complete with a younger-looking model:

Also I think I originally must have missed the cutscene where you bump into Malik and Asbel tries to lie about Richard being his brother Tiger Festival, but Malik is cool with letting Richard wander around and just tells him to be careful

Lastly I forgot just how excited Asbel is to sneak into the castle at night via secret passage, he keeps saying stuff like "This is a GREAT idea!" like he's TRYING to tempt the narrative into ruining his life forever ;_;

[vavandeveresfan]

Writer Beware: How a Book Really Becomes a Movie.

Writer Beware is an excellent site of information for those who are or want to become traditionally published. The official blog of Writer Beware® shines a bright light into the dark corners of the shadow-world of literary scams, schemes, and pitfalls. Also providing advice for writers, industry news, and commentary. Writer Beware® is sponsored by the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers Association.

by Victoria Strauss, April 12

Book-to-film scams are extremely common these days. If the publishing industry is opaque and secretive, the movie biz is even more so, and scammers take full advantage.

From disreputable marketers claiming to take your book to pitch events, to fake agents offering to represent you to major production companies, to scammers impersonating those production companies themselves, hordes of fraudsters are soliciting writers by phone and email with tempting-sounding "offers" and "opportunities" that they promise will route your book directly to the silver screen.

In reality, of course, the fraudsters have no Hollywood connections. The sole aim of these solicitations is to trick you into paying large amounts of money for products or services--screenplays, pitch decks, "cinematic trailers", and more--that you don't need and that may not even be delivered.

How to defend yourself? As noted by Jeanne Veillette Bowerman, today's guest post author, the best way to avoid being scammed is to understand the process. The more you know about how things should work, the easier it will be to recognize questionable or dishonest practices when you encounter them.

In the article below, Jeanne offers a comprehensive overview, unpacking the multiple and often complicated paths by which a book really finds its way to the screen...which, as you'll see, bear no resemblance to the shortcuts and guarantees claimed by fraudsters.

*~*~*~*~*

How a Book Really Becomes a Movie

by

Jeanne Veillette Bowerman

Anyone passionate about their work, desperate to get published or have their book adapted to film, is a perfect target for a scam. Like this one.

First, if you’ve fallen for one of these too-good-to-be true solicitations, don’t beat yourself up. It’s easy to do. Writers tend to be solitary creatures, many without a support system. That's what makes us vulnerable to exploitation. But the best way to protect ourselves is to understand how the book-to-film process works.

Get comfortable. There’s nothing simple about Hollywood.

The filmmaking industry baffles many—even those working in it. The reality is, there is no single way to get a film made. There are quite literally as many ways to break in as there are writers who’ve successfully done so, making scams harder to identify.

Sadly, when someone proactively reaches out to you, you have to assume it’s fake until you can prove otherwise. With scams abounding, the burden of proof has shifted. Due diligence has never been more important.

You do NOT need a screenplay to sell your book-to-film rights.

You do NOT need a sizzle reel or "cinematic trailer".

You do NOT need storyboards.

You do NOT need mood boards.

You should NOT have to pay any upfront fees.

You should NOT be required to buy anything.

Let’s go through the traditional paths first, then I’ll share an unusual story to demonstrate how varied this process can be.

Most common paths for book to film

What you need is a great story with cinematic elements that would attract a large audience. If it’s for TV, it should have compelling characters and a broader world that could translate to multiple episodes.

Your agent strives for one of three opportunities:

Sell the book-to-film rights directly to a studio or producer,

Option the book for a set dollar amount for a specific period of time, or

Sign a shopping agreement for a shorter period of time with no money being paid to the author.

1. Selling the Book

When you sell your book outright, that’s it. You’re done. You no longer have any claim to said material, nor the right to participate in the adaptation. You probably won’t be able to write a future sequel if the studio owns your intellectual property … which means they own your characters. There are exceptions though, depending on how the contract was negotiated. You definitely need a talented agent or attorney to assist … not a pitching or consulting “service” that solicits you via email.

The sale price typically will be 2-3% of the film's budget (that's money paid to you, not the other way around), but it depends. It always depends. Your agent should at least try to get you Executive Producer credit, or a consulting gig. But many producers want the author far, far away from the project. Your book is merely a blueprint for the film. A lot will change—subplots and characters will disappear—which can be difficult for the author to accept.

If you’re lucky, and have the proper experience and background, they’ll give you first crack at writing the script. But don’t expect it. Your payday is the sales of the rights plus more copies of your book being sold.

But … here’s the hard part … even if you sell your book, the movie may never get made. Yes, you read that correctly. It takes millions of dollars and hundreds of people to align to make a film. People often say it’s a miracle any film gets made. They’re right.

2. Option Agreement

An option by a showrunner or producer usually runs $1,000 to $30,000 for a set period of time (again, that's money paid to you), the standard being 12 to 18 months. This gives them time to “package” the project by attaching a director, actors, etc. and (hopefully) sell it. Note: It is illegal to not pay a writer for an option, hence why you’ll sometimes see an option happen for a penny or a single dollar—which is more common when optioning a screenplay, as opposed to a book.

The vast majority of options expire long before any movie deal can be struck, but they may be renewed for an additional fee. With each renewal, your agent will likely either ask for more money or less of a time commitment. I do know authors who have optioned the same novel multiple times—not a bad payday. But still, no film and no purchase of book-to-film rights ever happened in those cases. An option doesn’t guarantee you a sale.

3. Shopping Agreement

A shopping agreement is similar to an option, only the producer tries to shop it around town without paying the option fee. Since the author receives no money, the shopping agreement typically lasts only six to nine months. Renewable, just like options.

These are more common than traditional options because the producer gets exclusivity, albeit for a shorter period of time, without coughing up money. Authors might agree to this strategy simply because there’s some sense of hope that a deal will be made.

So, how do your book-to-film rights get sold?

Just like everything else in the industry, you need relationships with the right people. Agencies spend years fostering those relationships with production companies and will go directly to them to pitch the book, sometimes in person, sometimes with a phone call. They’ll set up meetings with producers, not junior execs. Junior execs are the ones who go to pitching events, not decisionmakers.

Usually, an agent only needs a logline or a one-sheet. A logline is a one- to two-sentence elevator pitch. A one-sheet is exactly what it sounds like—a single page that summarizes the book and gives details about the author. That’s it. What your agent will not do is spend money to hire a screenwriter or hire someone to create a sizzle reel, trailer, or story boards.

If a potential sale is on the table, your agent should negotiate development fees, as Hollywood famously tries to get writers to do development work for free. Get your agent to negotiate compensation for that. An agent might also ask for the title card on the film not to be buried and to also be able to use key art of the movie poster for the book cover.

Before any significant negotiations happen, they’ll want to know there is a clear chain of title, meaning must prove you own 100% of the property. This is where having a screenwriter adapt your book in advance muddies the waters. If you didn’t pay them to adapt it, and have it in writing that you own the script, you’ve now entered into a trickier situation where the producer might have to pay both you and the screenwriter.

Moviemaking is a business. As in any business, people want things clean and simple. So, say you fall for one of those scams where you split the cost of hiring a screenwriter, making a sizzle reel, and creating story boards. That scammer could potentially now own half of your work. No exec is going to touch that with a 10,000-foot pole.

The most popular word in Hollywood is “no.” Don’t make it easy for them to say it.

The author may, however, take a stab at writing the script themselves. I’ve had top producers at the New York Rights Fair tell me they actually prefer having an author’s rough draft for several reasons—it saves them development money, and they appreciate having the author slashing the story down themselves. Less room for arguments later.

Author Lee Matthew Goldberg has both adapted his own book as well as optioned another. “I've been told, with my Runaway Train project, with the actress attached, that my script is what gets the project in the door. And then ultimately, it's most likely not going to be my script [that gets produced] when it actually sells. But had I not had a script, and it just was the book, it might have been harder to sell … Hollywood doesn't like to read. It's easier for them to read a script than a book. So, I think it's in the best interest for an author to write the screenplay. Be open to the fact that their screenplay might just be the thing that gets them over the first hump.”

But brace yourself. Hollywood isn’t going to wrap their arms around you, as the screenwriter. You will get fired, and they will bring in a pro screenwriter. However, per WGA rules, if you’ve written that original draft, you’ll get a shot at the first rewrite … before they finally fire you. But you will be fired. Don’t be offended though. Every great A-list screenwriter has been fired. It’s how the business works.

What if you’re self-published and/or don’t have an agent?

Let’s say you’re self-publishing and query producers yourself, and they bite. That producer is not going to take your book to a pitching event (a common scammer claim). They have direct contacts with people in the industry and will set up a meeting.

Again, you could take a stab at writing the screenplay, enter it into contests (see below), pitch to actors' production companies, or query screenwriting managers.

If the script gets sold, they’ll still fire you. See above.

The case study: The Reincarnationist Papers

Buckle up … this is but one example of how long it takes to go from book to film … and how totally unpredictable the process can be.

In 2009, Eric Maikranz wrote and self-published The Reincarnationist Papers. On the first page of the book, he put a “bounty” on it, stating that whomever finds this book and can help get it sold to a major publisher or movie studio will get 10% of his take. Great marketing!

Years later, while on vacation in Katmandu, a producer, Rafi Crohn, finds the book on a shelf of a bathroom in a tea house—no idea how it made it all the way to Katmandu—reads the “bounty,” and that alone intrigues him enough to dive into the book. Loving it, he tracks down Eric and secures an option.

It’s now 2012. Rafi contacts Ian Shorr, a professional screenwriter who feels, “There’s something magical there … an element of Willy Wonka.” Ian then pitches his take on how to adapt the book to Imagine, Ron Howard’s production company. (Note: This is how open writing assignments work. Before paying a screenwriter, execs ask them to read the book and pitch their take.) In this case, they don't go for Ian’s vision. He pitched a Matrix version; they want a Harry Potter version. Imagine never finds a writer’s idea they can align with.

Movie is dead.

Almost two years later, the rights are about to lapse again, so Rafi, who liked Ian’s take, approaches him to see if he’d be game to write the script on spec (which means without pay).

Why would a pro screenwriter write for no money? Ian explains, “For me, it was like the one that got away came back … I was still thinking about that book.”

Ian’s manager re-ups the rights.

Since Ian is writing this on spec, obviously, he is concurrently working on projects that actually pay him. Go figure. And The Reincarnationist Papers is a complicated one to adapt, taking Ian about three years to finalize the script.

The script and the rights to Eric’s book finally get purchased by Paramount.

Time to celebrate, right? Nope.

Immediately after the script gets sold, the president of Paramount leaves, and the new head sees the $200-million price tag and crosses it off their slate. The book was not a best seller, and the risk is too high.

As Ian puts it, “This movie died a million times before it lived.”

What brings it back to life: the director Antoine Fuqua, about to do a film for Paramount, is craving to do a Matrix-type project, but was brought on to direct something else. A producer slips Antoine the script Ian wrote, now called Infinite. Antoine loves it, and tells the studio this is the one he wants to make. Total fluke. The right champion at the right time. Finally.  

Again, relationships.

Ian writes more drafts for Antoine, they cast the movie, lose the star, get another star, shoot it in 2019, and it finally gets released in 2021. Just a short 12 years from book to film.

Ian sums it up, “I think a lot of writers don't understand that their work is going to change. They all want the adaptation for all those other reasons that Eric enjoyed—like book sales, publishing deals, sequels. But some writers definitely do struggle with the fact that there are changes. The second you get into bed with Hollywood, that's the first thing you have to be prepared for. Because the spec that I wrote was very different from the book that he wrote. And then my spec got rewritten by other writers, who changed what I wrote.”

There are thousands of stories similar to this … and also very different.

You can watch Ian discuss the adaptation process on Pipeline Artists here.

Oh, there are still more out-of-the-box options …

Have you heard of “The Book Whisperer”? Meet Lane Shefter Bishop. (You can find an in-depth one-on-one conversation I had with her on Pipeline Artists’ Symposium here.)

In short, Lane has relationships (there’s that word again) with literary agents and will often get a shopping agreement on the book prior to it ever being published. Her goal is to be able to mold the story, pre-publication, to help create a more cinematic experience, structured like a movie.

Frankly, it’s genius. Give the conversation a listen.

Pay-to-play versus true champions

Let’s go back to “What do I do if I don’t have an agent?”

There are more and more writing contests popping up that won’t lead you anywhere except a few dollars less in your pocket, but reputable ones absolutely exist. Full disclosure, I’m a Senior Executive at Pipeline Media Group, a company that discovers novelists, screenwriters, and filmmakers via contests. Trust me when I say I’ve heard all the arguments about contests being pay-to-play scams, but it’s not the case for most, so do your research on the top platforms.

I’m also a writer, and I’ve entered plenty of contests in my day. Some have propelled my career, others, despite being a finalist, did absolutely nothing for me. They didn’t even email me to inform me of my selection!

Just like with any opportunity that feels too good to be true, as mentioned, do your research.

Beyond reading a contests’ success stories, I always recommend doing a search for a contest’s past finalists. Follow them on social media and message them, asking what that contest actually did for them. Getting previous finalists’ feedback on their take will tell you everything you need to know.

Get more than one perspective though. Get as many as you can! Strike the most positive, and strike the most negative. Take the average, and you can be confident in the results. Writers will be honest with each other. And if they got screwed over, they’ll be more than happy to tell you!

Bottom line

Scams are everywhere. The best way to identify them is to know how the process actually works.

Hollywood loves adaptations for many reasons, but mostly because the bulk of the story development work is already done, and a dedicated fan base exists. So, cast out as many nets as possible, even if it means writing the script yourself.

Why not? No one knows your story as well as you do.

If you want outside help, please do your research. Check multiple references, not just one.  The Golden Ticket isn’t going to drop in your inbox. If it sounds too good to be true, it’s a scam.

Above all, trust your spidey senses.

I’ll leave you with Ian Shorr’s final advice: “Because writers are so passionate, and because we're so willing to work for free, and because it's such an aspirational, dream-based industry, it makes us a really easy target for scammers. Plus, the way that Hollywood operates is so opaque to people who don't work there. It's easy for someone to come along and say, oh, yeah, this is how you play the game. The reality is, if you write something that people love, they will come to you. And they will put their energy into it. Just remember, anybody who’s looking for you to pay them is a red flag."

Jeanne Veillette Bowerman is a Senior Executive at Pipeline Media Group and Book Pipeline, Editor-in-Chief of Pipeline Artists, co-host of the Pipeline Artists original podcast, "Reckless Creatives," former Editor-in-Chief of Script magazine and a former Senior Editor at Writer's Digest. Her Script column "Balls of Steel" was selected as recommended reading by Universal Writers Program. A compilation of her articles is now available—Balls of Steel: The Screenwriter's Mindset. She is also a partner at Fringe Press and Co-Founder and moderator of the weekly Twitter screenwriters’ chat, #Scriptchat. She wrote the narrative adaptation of the Pulitzer Prize-winning book, Slavery by Another Name: The Re-Enslavement of Black Americans from the Civil War to World War II, with its author, Douglas A. Blackmon, former senior national correspondent of The Wall Street Journal and has now ventured into writing historical fiction. Follow Jeanne on X: @jeannevb

[invisibleraven]

"You're safe, I promise." for Ray and any of his many children that may or may not be his?

No one ever told Ray how hard it would be being a single dad.

Especially when one of his kids comes with six extra ones who practically seem to live at his house.

Flynn he's used to, as Julie spent just as much time at the Taylor's house growing up, so he's never surprised to see the girl helping herself to his apples or stashing her secret soda supply there when her mom is on an anti sugar run.

Carrie had been a fixture for some time as well, then the girls had some kind of falling out. Now she seems to be back with a vengeance, a little sharper, a little more stand offish, but still herself in all her sparkly pink glory. He knows she's alone save for the occasional staff more often than not, so he doesn't begrudge her wanting a home full of people as opposed to that big empty mansion.

The boys are new.

They're a motley crew, full of noise and laughter and Ray honestly loves how Julie comes back to life around them. How the house is once more full of music, even if his fridge is a lot emptier and his grocery bill is higher thanks to their constant snacking.

Ray doesn't mind though, not really. Especially not after Julie thanks him for being so kind to her friends, whispering that none of them have great home lives. Ray is more than happy to provide them his home as a safe haven though, be a good dad, or at least caring adult in their lives when they seem to be lacking on those counts.

Luke is pretty open about his fights with his mom, and while Ray can see both sides of it, he does try to be supportive of the band, even offering to film their gigs for their social media. Maybe even mentions he has friends at a few clubs if they ever want him to put their name forward. Luke gives him a genuine smile at that, so Ray figures he's won him over.

Reggie is boisterous and cheery, but Ray can see how he freezes up at loud noises, how he retreats into himself when it's time to go. Ray always tries to be a little warmer and understanding around him after that. Inviting him to stay for supper, to show him how his cameras worked after Reggie showed the barest interest. But he also keeps Victoria informed-she's the best social worker in the area, and Ray hopes he's wrong, but he'd rather have her in Reggie's corner if-and hopefully not when-he needs her.

Willie he can't quite get a read on yet, but he's always respectful and sweet, skating in and out of the garage at will, so Ray likes him enough. He's heard a thing or two about his foster dad Caleb though, and always lets Willie know he's welcome any time, even if the band isn't there. The shocked look that fades into a tiny grin makes it all worth it, in Ray's mind. Even if he wishes the kid would replace his helmet with one that doesn't have that huge crack in it.

Then there's Alex.

Ray knows the Mercers by reputation, as Victoria has friends of friends who go to their church. Society and image obsessed with hate in their hearts and a very literal interpretation of the scripture. He doesn't have a very high opinion.

Especially when he sees how Alex acts around him. Around his friends Alex is sarcastic and silly. Happy enough to whale on his drums with a bright grin or dance around with Willie to the catchiest pop tunes. But when Ray comes in with a tray of drinks or a bowl of snacks, Alex freezes. Immediately lets go of Willie, stands straighter but also closing in on himself, avoiding Ray's eyes.

Then the rumours he's heard about Alex's parents make so much more sense, and it fills Ray with a righteous fury. When Julie came out to him as bi, he openly accepted her-she was his daughter, how could he not? Plus he and Rose had both experimented and landed somewhere in the not straight category, so it would be pretty hypocritical of him if he had shunned Julie for the same.

Thus he wants to find some way to let Alex know that he's accepted here, no matter what.

Of course, subtly had never been in Ray's vocabulary, and the large Pride flag flying in their front yard might be a bit much, but who cares as long as the message goes through right?

The next day, when Ray brings out the snacks, he sees that Alex stiffens in Willie's arms on the couch, but doesn't scramble to get up. He also notes how close Luke and Reggie are to Julie but he leaves worrying about that for another time, when she's ready to tell him exactly how that works.

"Thanks papi," Julie says.

"T-thanks for the flag," Alex pipes up.

"Of course," Ray says with a nod. "Here, no matter what, you're safe, I promise." He turns to go, but turns at the door. "I'm making spaghetti for supper, once homework and band practice are done. You're all free to stay if you want."

There's a course of agreement, and later, when Ray sees them all walk in, is happy to see Alex hand in hand with Willie, no trace of fear or shame in sight.

Sure, being a single dad to all these kids isn't easy-especially when most of them aren't his kids, not really anyways, but the feeling he gets from knowing they are all happy, healthy, safe, and most of all loved here makes it all worth it in Ray's eyes.

[reviiraes]

♙      ⸻      ·   。…      [      henry cavill  +  thirty seven  +  cis male  +  she / her      ]      the  city  of  new  york  welcomes  montgomery astor  to  the  social  season  of  1887.  known  to  be  charismatic  and  gallant,  their  rumored  opportunistic  and  proud  tendencies  might  prove  to  be  their  unmaking.  the  street  musicians  often  string  along  a  tune  that  sounds  like  welcome to the machine  by  pink floyd  whenever  they  are  near,  hoping  for  a  coin  or  two  as  a  reward.  unbeknown  to  their  peers,  character  name  views  the  social  season  as  another waste of time but he knows he needs to play his cards right because his reputation and political career is at risk  but  when  holding  a  secret  such  as  he has an illegitimate child he has been keeping a secret to avoid scandal,  it  would  be  best  to  keep  their  opinions  to  themselves.   

basic   statistics   :

full   name   :  montgomery  astor

nicknames   or   aliases   :  '  monty  '  to  those  close  to  him

age   :  thirty-seven

date   of   birth   :  may  21st

occupation   :  new  york  city  senator  ,  president  of  astor  holdings

parents   :  mr.  richard  astor  (  deceased  )  &  mrs.  diana  astor

siblings   :  mister  astor  ,  mister  astor  ,  miss  evangeline  astor

marital   status   :  married  to  caroline  astor  nee  chatterjee 

children  :  william   astor   (   aged   8   ),   archibald   astor   (   aged   6   ),   cornelius   astor   (   aged   4   )   and   caroline   victoria   diane   astor  (   aged   2  )  ,  illegitimate  child  (   aged  4   )

sexuality   :  heterosexual  +  heteroromantic

the   secret   :

trigger  warning  :  infidelity   montgomery's  debonair  cassanova  reputation  is  widely  known  all  across  the  city  .  that  was  why  his  marriage  to  caroline  Chatterjee  came  as  a  shock  to  most  of  new  york  high  society  .  some  had  even  placed  bets  that  they  would  soon  break  up  due  to  montgomery's  true  nature  .  montgomery  defied  his  family  and  married  the  then  miss  chatterjee  despite  her  not  being  the  most  ideal  match  given  her  family  background  .  ten  years  later  ,  the  couple  remains  still  deeply  in  love  .  this  ,  however  ,  was  not  the  case  all  the  time  .  as  the  eldest  astor  ,  it  was  expected  of  him  to  continue  his  family's  legacy  of  running  for  public  office  .   it  was  no  surprise  when  montgomery  ran  for  governor  of  new  york  ,  having  the  backing  of  his  family  and  their  money  .  along  the  campaign  trail  ,  in  the  absence  of  his  wife  ,  he  found  himself  in  a  brief  involvement  with  a  campaign  volunteer  .  2  months  after  his  victory  was  announced  ,  he  found  out  that  she  was  pregnant  with  his  child  .  having  just  began  his  political  career  ,  montgomery  could  not  afford  to  have  a  scandal  .  the  woman  agreed  to  keep  quiet  after  the  newly-minted  governor  offered  her  monthly  child  support   ⸻  an  amount  that  would  keep  her  and  the  child  quite  comfortable  . 

thoughts   on   high   society   :

montgomery  only  participates  in  the  events  because  he  has  to  otherwise  he  would  be  home  smoking  his  cigars  or  on  his  family's  vineyard  in  california  with  his  wife  and  children  .  he  understand  the  importance  of  making  an  appearance  if  he  wanted  support  from  these  people  . 

timeline  : 

1850  :  birth  of  montgomery  astor  ,  eldest  son  of  richard  and  diana  astor 

1868  : montgomery  enters  king's  college  to  study  law

1871  :  graduated  law  school  and  started  his  apprenticeship 

1874  :  finished  apprenticeship  and  worked  for  his  father  under  the  astor  holdings

1877  :  married  caroline  chatterjee 

1879  : birth  of  william  astor 

1880  :  ran  and  elected  as  new  york  city  governor 

1881  :   birth  of  archibald  astor  ,  birth  of  illigemate  child

1883  :  birth  of  cornelius  astor 

1884  :  re-elected  as  new  york  city  governor

1885  :  birth  of  caroline  victoria  diane  astor 

1886  :  elected  as  new  york  city  senator 

1887  :  PRESENT

headcanons   :

a  joke  among  the  circles  of  new  york's  high  society  was  that  the  astors  owned  more  than  half  of  the  city  .  one  would  say  it  was  exaggerated  however  there  is  some  weight  to  those  words  .  when  hugh  astor  ,  an  ambitious  aristocrat  from  england  ,  moved  to  new  york  ,  he  immediately  saw  the  city's  potential  .  currently  ,  the  astors  own  multiple  hotels  and  properties  all  across  the  city  and  in  close  by  states  .  they  had  also  invested  in  other  businesses  that  boosted  their  family's  influence  and  wealth . 

from  the  moment  montgomery  was  born  ,  his  father  and  grandfather  already  had  plans  for  him  which  was  to  step  into  politics  .  montgomery  knew  nothing  else  but  to  be  his  family's  golden  boy  .  he  got  accepted  into  king's  college  and  studied  law  before  working  for  his  father  briefly  .  in  that  time  he  built  his  connections  ,  preparing  to  run  for  governor  . 

 his  father  was  supposed  to  run  for  senator  however  fell  ill  and  montgomery  took  his  place  .  before  the  campaign  started  ,  richard  astor  succumbed  to  his  illness  and  passed  .  as  a  revered  member  of  society  ,  new  york  city  mourned  with  the  astors  .  as  sad  as  it  sounded  but  his  passing  aided  montgomery's  campaign  ,  ultimately  winning  the  senator  seat . 

nobody  knows  about  his  illegitimate  child  but  a  handful  of  people  which  included  his  direct  family  ,  wife  ,  and  lawyers  .  as  a  newly-elected  senator  ,  he  needed  to  make  sure  his  reputation  was  untarnished  as  this  secret  could  ruin  his  entire  career  . 

character  influences  :  fitzgerald  grant  iii  ,  logan  huntzberger  ,  chuck  bass  ,  aaron  burr  ,  jackson  avery 

connections   :

his  investors  for  his  family's  business  or  supporter  as  a  senator 

friends  (  childhood,  college,  business)  ,  cigar  buddies  ,  and  the  likes

those  who  don't  like  him  or  the  astors 

those  who  need  favors  from  him 

business  partners 

exes  (  in  his  youth  and  before  getting  married  ) 

someone  who  wants  to  try  to  seduce  him  maybe  ?  (  key  word  :  try  .  his  wife  .  .  .  she's  scarier  than  a  dragon  so  .  .  .  )

[agendabymooner]

own my mind || dr3 fic

daniel ricciardo x ofc (måneskin member!ofc)

prequel to the rush series

“do you wanna know what good, good, bad things all feel like?”

Summary: It took Lorelei Hester Alessandro, or Lester, almost six Italian Grand Prix races to come across Daniel Ricciardo once more. Sure, she was hesitant to speak to him regardless of the fact that she was his fan but the McLaren driver was certain he’d rather cause a stir in the F1 community with her after his win in Monza than celebrate his victory with a lot of people. OR the second close encounter between the two of them most unhinged people of F1.

Content warning: Use of explicit language, Big Ric Energy™, RBR!Daniel mentioned, alcohol consumption

Note: Self indulgent fic mostly. Make sure to catch up with the rush series or read this first before going ahead with the whole series! This is basically introduction to the relationship of Lester and Danny. enjoy xx

masterlist

2021 — PRESENT

It wasn’t everyday Lester got to value something like this wrapped around her neck like a jewelry from a parure. She supposed that being a Eurovision winner, alongside her best friends, would do that to anyone. 

Because she couldn’t afford this and this was just a chance that she took — a risk. It wasn’t everyday she got to support her country’s racing team in the front row. The Paddock Club pass on her neck was a dream come true, indeed, but being a guest of Scuderia Ferrari because their driver was a fan of the band you’ve built from the ground up? 

Yeah she was living THE dream. She wished that it would stay like this forever.

“Non bere troppo! È solo l'inizio della gara,” Don’t drink too much! It’s only the start of the race. Her friend Ethan stated, his slender fingers reaching for her glass as she glared at him. Lester downed the rest of her champagne.

“It’s a qualifying, idiota,” Lester rolled her eyes. “What could possibly be exciting about this?”

“I piloti che potrebbero ottenere la pole position? È eccitante, non credi?” The drivers who might get the pole position? That’s exciting, don’t you think? Damiano said. “Are you okay, Lo? You’ve been looking so foul ever since we got here today.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Lester waved off, pretending as if she hadn’t come across a certain Australian who definitely paid attention to her earlier. 

The fact was that he hadn’t just paid attention — he made some offhanded comments about inviting her to his driver’s room and the paddock area of McLaren. Maybe it was a bad idea to look around in awe after living your childhood dream of being known in the F1 world because even your favourite driver would want to fuck you if you looked extremely hot and adorable at the same time. She didn’t even want to see Daniel Ricciardo in that sense. She liked his driving and she made him her favourite driver of this generation. 

It was a shame that was the first thing he said since 2015. Not that he remembered. But Lester certainly had. 

2015 

It was a good idea her boss was a close friend of the owner of the bar because she wouldn’t have found herself in this place. Where the drivers are now. 

She tried to put on her best clothes — a black lacy bodysuit, leather pants and the most expensive Gucci shoes that her sister Nora had lent her for the weekend. She didn’t think to tell anyone what the brand of her clothes were as to save face in front of people who could pay her rent; the pants she wore were thrifted and the bodysuit was an off season clearance item from Victoria’s Secret. She never told anyone about it.

She barely made it to Monza because of the lack of money she had. University and being a musician did a number on her. She might as well sell her soul just to see Daniel Ricciardo in person. 

Lester had gotten in touch with the owner and did the best she could to keep things low key. Her friend Thomas was the one who had taken her to the club to avoid any further trouble that could be possibly caused by her fangirl behaviour.

But it wasn’t exactly her potential freakouts that would lead her to him. 

At first she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. She was calm and collected — she apologized as much as she could and cleaned up everything she had to clean up. But then, Toro Rosso’s Max Verstappen decided to make things harder for the both of them and had gotten into a quarrel about not watching her way and how irritated he is. 

“You don’t look like you could smile anyways,” said Lester as she turned away and cursed, “Insufferable bastard.”

A gasp behind her echoed through the crowded loud room. All while Lester listened to the steam coming out of Max’s ears.

“What did you call me?” Max asked angrily, but Lester was walking away. “Oi! I’m talking to you!”

“And I’m not trying to,” Lester spewed out, “I’ve seen you before. Toro Rosso right? You’ve no personality— it’s no wonder why I like Sainz over you.” 

“Sec—“

“Max no,” Carlos Sainz backed up the Dutchman before turning to Lester and Thomas, who was now holding back the bassist.

“Is that why you’re always frowning? Because you can’t even smile even if someone begged you to,” Lester retaliated, making Max turn even more red.

“Security—“

“Max, what’s wrong, mate?” That voice froze Lester to the core. No way. 

But her suspicion was right because by the time she turned back around, a familiar figure stood next to the Dutchman with cocktail in hand. Shit. She was picking a fight at the same room as Daniel Ricciardo. 

So much for a good impression.

“She’s—“ 

“I’d pick your words wisely because I don’t take shit from men regardless of how well known they are,” Lester didn’t even care about the Australian person knowing that she’s got a bigger problem she called Max. 

“Look, listen—“ Daniel spoke up, staring at Lester as he smiled and put a hand in front of Max. “I apologize on his behalf—“

“What—“

“I don’t obviously know what happened but I hope we can put it past us. No? This is the first time Max’s been out and he just doesn’t want to ruin his own night,” Daniel had put on his best smile and Lester could just tell that he did it to not cause any more issue within the Red Bull team. 

“I’m obviously more than willing to,” Lester’s accent thickened as she glared at Max, “but that asshole’s trying to pick a fight. I cleaned up everything already!” 

“And I appreciate that,” Daniel turned towards Max and Carlos, “Look, lads. Just— stay out of trouble, alright? Just walk away from the scene and act as if you hadn’t done something stupid. I’m cleaning up your mess, just walk away. Don’t hassle the lady and her friends.” 

Lester continued to glare at Max. Dío mio, he was so annoying for a driver who does well, she thought. The Dutchman huffed before he walked off with Carlos Sainz. But when Daniel turned back, Lester and her friend had already walked away too. She hadn’t wanted to embarrass herself further in front of the Australian. 

“Miss!” Lester had surprisingly heard his voice while the crowd remained loud, especially when she was so drawn by Toto’s girlfriend, Tilly Hearth’s presence as she spoke to the Italian girl with a grin about her newest novel. She had been a fan of Tilly ever since she entered the formula one world last year, but Daniel Ricciardo’s voice was familiar and it had her turning around. 

He held his hand out with a wide grin, “Come dance with me!” 

“So rude of you Daniel,” Tilly scoffed jokingly, “I’m talking to the girl.”

“It’s to make up for Max’s attitude,” Daniel winked at the Italian, making Lester blush. “Us Red Bull drivers should be acting with decorum, so it’s only fair I make it up on his behalf no?” 

“I—“ Lester offered Tilly a meek smile, “Thank you for chatting. I appreciate it. Grazie, Signora Hearth.” 

“Yes, of course,” the older woman waved off, “I’ll see you around, yes?” 

Then her night started there and the love she had for Daniel Ricciardo strengthened. It was too bad it took her six years until she realized how shitty he could get. But it also took Daniel six years to realize that the love he could’ve had was the girl who had nearly been kicked out of the bar.

2021 — NOW

Now, Lester wasn’t a saint; she had her fair share of shittiness. She had ghosted people before, hell she even blocked some. But to be brought from Ferrari to McLaren just so Daniel Ricciardo could chat her up — years or so after blocking her — was just borderline asshole-ish of him. His cockiness radiated while he asked for her name, trying to offer her a good conversation as if she hadn’t been here before. 

It was more baffling that he didn’t remember her from six years ago when he danced wildly with her after the race. But it wasn’t Lester’s place to remind him, only huffing out in annoyance and losing her faith in him as he tried inviting her to his driver's room. 

“Sei fottutamente serio in questo momento?!” Are you fucking serious right now. Lester scoffed at him as Daniel’s eyes widened in shock. “Uomo stupido! Stupido, stupido, stupido uomo ingenuo!” Stupid man! Stupid, stupid, dumb naive man! 

“I’m sorry, what—“

Lester glared at him before saying, “I knew coming here in this area is a mistake. I’m a fan of yours, you know? All those years ago, I thought you genuinely were kind for offering a good dance.” She pressed a finger in his chest, “But you are like all of them, Mr. Ricciardo. Inviting me to your room so you can have a good head? You. Are. Fucking. Stupid.” 

“I’m inviting you to our paddock area…?” 

“I am a Ferrari guest— and A PART OF TIFOSI!” Lester exclaimed. “Besides, I’m a bassist of this year’s Eurovision winner, so you’re not the only one who’s famous.” 

“Lorelei—“ 

“I’m ABBA style popular, “Dan!” I’m not gonna fuck you for a paddock pass!” Lester’s mouth barely stopped as she muttered swear words in Italian and walked past him. That was the second time Daniel Ricciardo had witnessed some sort of confrontation with her, so when this did happen it stuck to him and realized who she was. 

Another woman approached Lester for the third time today and it was beginning to bother her. The said woman wore a papaya shirt, making Lester frown lightly before the woman could ever speak. The bassist spoke as politely as she could “If this is about your driver, please don’t bother. I really do not want to cause more problems with him. He needs to focus on minding his business.”

“Daniel would really like to apologize,” the woman emphasized, “he wouldn’t shut up. We really don’t want to make a bad impression to you guys and we can’t have our drivers act so badly towards you.” 

“It’s alright,” Lester waved off. It really wasn’t. It annoyed her that Daniel didn’t see her as a musician but rather a groupie. “Just… tell him to focus more on his race. He can live.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go try and speak to him again?” Ethan asked, “You’ve always wanted to see him up close.”

“That might have been the case before but there’s a fine line between being seen as a fan and as a groupie you can take back to your drivers room,” Lester told her friends quietly. It turns out that she wasn’t as quiet as she thought, because the mouth of the woman in the papaya shirt gaped open just as she dropped the bomb. 

Then the woman said, “I am so, so, so sorry for that. God, that man and his mouth— don’t worry, Miss Allie, he is getting an earful after the qualifying and we’ll make sure he’s going to— God! Sorry, I’ve to go see him. I’ll touch base with your manager before you leave tomorrow after the race. Is that okay? Good. Enjoy the race, Miss Allie, Misters David, Raggi and Torchio.” 

Lester turned back to her friends with a confused frown, which was met with their own reactions once that the woman sped away. She mumbled, “So weird. It’s really not a big deal.”

“It is,” Damiano replied, “especially if that’s how they reacted. Anyone wouldn’t have cared much so clearly your issue with Daniel is a big deal.” 

Thomas: We’re partying with the drivers tomorrow. Charles Leclerc invited us.

Lester: Awesome I guess. 

Maybe a part of her was still a fan of the Honey Badger. She couldn’t fathom telling him that though, still feeling humiliated by the way she reacted and how he perceived her yesterday. 

All she could do was stare up at him as he celebrated his Monza win as his champagne bottle sprinkled on his fellow podium mates. Everyone celebrated him despite the disappointment of Ferrari not being in the P1 position. Everyone celebrated Daniel Ricciardo because he’s still Daniel Ricciardo. 

The way he stuck his tongue out while the champagne rained over the audience below the podium did a number on Lester as her pupils had blown in excitement and… lust? She wasn’t sure.

She felt something when his dark eyes glossed over hers and stopped looking around altogether. His grin remained on his face, but he was a man with a plan to apologize eventually. 

Sprinklings of the alcohol soaked her blazer partially as her friends finally made their way to the garages to check on the drivers. They spoke to Charles and Carlos once more and thanked the duo for a good race. Her mind was still elsewhere when she spoke to the two, her eyes scanning the pit lane to catch a glimpse of the Australian. 

No luck. But she wasn’t actively seeking him nor should she do anything about him. 

Her pinstripe waistcoats hugged her figure tightly alongside the flared pants that matched the fabric of her top, collars popping off as her petite body emphasized every single curve that she had. The boots that she wore increased the possibilities of being seen by the winner, but she didn’t think to care that much about him. 

She thanked her footwear and her dark red lips for catching his attention, though. 

Daniel Ricciardo was keen on celebrating his win with his peers. He opted for cocktails at first, but then the dance floor called for hard liquor for courage as he finally placed his glass down and walked towards the bassist. 

“Miss Alessandro!” The bassist, who already took her first drink, turned around to face Daniel Ricciardo. For someone who claimed to be a big fan of his, she didn’t think to care for him now— and he liked that about her. She wasn’t intimidated and she was more confident after painting her lips blood red. 

“Ah! Signor Ricciardo,” Lester smirked lazily, not even making it less obvious that she was taking his presence in slowly as she spoke, “Hai fatto bene nella tua gara. Congratulazioni.” You did well on your race. Congratulations.

Her Italian accent left him stammering a little as he lost his mind at how sultry it was. “A- ah yes. Personally- I don’t speak Italian- I’m half but I don’t speak it. But I can understand the congratulations part- so thank you.” 

“Hm,” she eyed him up and down before sipping on her champagne. The fact that she looked away somehow bothered him. He wasn’t sure if it was his ego or her attention— he was just bothered that she wouldn’t pay attention to him. 

But he was good at mind games too. Well… that’s if she was playing it. “Listen, have I ever told you that you’ve the Italian charm that my Dad used to tell me about?” 

“Really?” Lester giggled, not because of how Daniel worded it. She was laughing at the fact that of all the things he could’ve went with, he went with this. 

“My Mum used to tell me that’s how Dad fell for her,” Daniel smirked, now sitting next to her before he spoke to the bartender about the champagne they had for him. “How about I tell you more about it?” 

“Well… considering how you’ve treated me a few days ago, I don’t think it’s the Italian charm that kept you going,” Lester leaned over, her lips nearing his ear as she whispered, “You know what I think? It must’ve been the adrenaline and ego of a talented driver that told you to chase after me. Sad to say, I’m not the one night stand kind. I don’t even like parties like these— I’d rather be drinking alone but what else can a woman do?”

She hadn’t even seen the bartender approach the two as she stood, her tipsy face sobering up as she grabbed her purse. But just as she turned down the chance of standing too close to her favourite driver, Daniel pulled her back by the wrist as he offered her a pleading look.

“Look, I’m sorry I left a bad impression on you the other day,” those words definitely sobered her up. Daniel said through a wild loud crowd, “I was just hoping for some one-on-one time with you but clearly that didn’t work out.” 

“You worded it as if I wanted to fuck,” Lester pointed out.

“I know, I know,” Daniel told her guiltily before admitting, “it was wrong— like really, really wrong. My PR manager wasn’t joking when she said I wanted to apologize yesterday.” 

She stopped fighting against the restraint he had of her, standing there dumbfounded as she said, “Wow… uh… okay. Thank you for apologizing.” 

“And uh,” he scratched his head as he gestured at the full bottle of champagne in front of them, “if you’d like we can finish this whole bottle together? No, no funny intention— I swear to you. We’d have more privacy in the hotel and we’ll have a decent champagne tasting experience. You won’t have to deal with anything. Just let me make it up to you.” 

She stared at him for the moment. At first she was hesitant; this was Daniel Ricciardo— HER favourite driver Daniel Ricciardo. All those years of being a formula one fan taught her enough about him and how to love him, so to see him up close? This was a dream and a joke. 

After all, he did block her back when she’d spam tweet him. She didn’t obviously blame him for that; but he was still Daniel Ricciardo. He was world famous. 

But then again, in Europe and possibly around the world, she too was popular. What did she have to lose? She wanted to know what good and bad things felt like when they’re mixed together. 

“Sure,” she beamed, making his eyes light up in joy as he stood excitedly. “I’d like to get to know you as Daniel.” 

“I hope you have some stories to tell,” Daniel said, “because I’ve been wondering who Lester is ever since she came to the paddock.” 

“Lorelei,” she introduced herself, “or Lori. Lester’s just for the music and concerts. If you want to know who I am then I’m Lori.”

“Good, then call me Danny.” 

This wasn’t the kind of bad and good thing that she expected. 

Waking up next to him definitely felt great, with her manicured nails trailing down his bare chest as she slowly woke up from her slumber. His soft breathing was peaceful. Fuck that felt great. 

Her eyes’ insistence to stay shut definitely hadn’t helped her as she groaned quietly. The sunlight that passed through the blinds called for her awakened presence. She had an incoming headache. This was bad.

No… waking up next to Daniel Ricciardo naked was. But just as she opened her eyes wide and looked down, the sigh of relief escaped her mouth. She didn’t have sex with him. 

“Mmmm… ‘m just half naked,” he murmured, not even looking at her as he kept his eyes shut, “we didn’t… no I’d never do that to you…”

“Oh,” she said softly, but her voice was raspy as she slowly sat up and looked at him while she nodded to herself, “Good… we didn’t have sex. Good.” 

His phone was blowing up for god knows how long now, and with her phone, at 21% charge, going off as well she’d never been this annoyed with waking up until now. She wanted to throw her phone so bad if it hadn’t been for her twitter going off. 

Endless texts came from Damiano, Thomas and Ethan as they begged her to answer or check her twitter. 

She understood why they were like that. It wasn’t everyday she got to see herself posing lewdly — but not naked — in front of a camera while drunk. No wait— she never got to see herself pose like that on Daniel Ricciardo’s twitter page. 

“Oh fuck…” she muttered, running her red nails through her hair as she shook Daniel awake. “Ricciardo, wake up.” 

“Hm?” His eyes opened for a moment to read the tweet on her screen before drifting off. But the realization nearly had his eyes popping out as he sat up, “Shit!”

“Look, I really don’t like the thought of causing more scandal for you… or me,” Daniel finally gathered his thoughts after he had a long conversation with his PR manager and Lester’s own. He had freshened up and gave Lester some spare clothes, shying away from her after the embarrassing incident of tweeting while drunk last night. 

His meekness, however, was something of an amusement for Lester as she continued to chuckle quietly. The Daniel Ricciardo that Lester had seen on TV was the cocky and funnily confident one — so seeing this version of him was some sort of an honour, if you would ask her.

He continued, “And after all of this I don’t think you’d want to see the guy who made your career miserable but seriously I’m sorry—“

“Why wouldn’t I want to see you again?” Lester cut him off with a cheeky smile, “after all, we have to figure out how to get back to the graces of your fans and mine, no? What’s better than to do it together?”

Daniel, for the third time, was rendered silent. God, she was so divine. 

“So… what do you think?” 

“About… OH! Shit, yes,” Daniel cursed underneath his breath, making the Italian woman giggle loudly as he said, “Would you like to meet me sometime next week? I’ve got accommodation in Monaco. I'd really kill for a… date. With you.” 

“So not just for PR reasons?” She raised a brow in amusement.

“Definitely not,” Daniel shook his head. “I think I haven’t won fully until you say y—“

“Yes, that sounds good,” Lester exclaimed as she beamed heavily. “A date it is.”

He beamed back, “Good. I… Shit. Sorry— I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed with me, Lori.”

“And I look forward to it, Danny.”

Good God. 

She was what good and bad things felt like altogether. 

[cosmicseapop]

My take on that one Bad Ending timeline

Sharing my brain rot with the void and 10ish people in this tag about that main alternative timeline that was touched on in Shadow of War, the one where basically everyone dead and started Malgor’s time loop adventure. 

So, the only events we got from that timeline that directly contribute to it ending were Gravelyn and Victoria’s death (and Drakath trying to get us to fight back or whatever, it not important right now). While it’s was sad and tragic and all that jazz, I honestly don’t think their death were the only things to push the Hero into despair. Like it wasn’t the first time someone we knew/cared died, probably the closest people to us dying but still (could be wrong about this, I did skipped a good bit of the Queen of Monster saga and still need to go back). And there was an extend, unaccounted for period of time between their death and the timeline ending, so anything could have happened. 

The question is what could have happened so bad to made the Hero to just give up? 

Second Elemental Champion War

Sure, most of the known champions are Good/Neutral aligned. Doing their own thing that may or may not relate to their respective elemental plane, just living their best life and vibing. Hell, a few don’t even know they’re Champions at the time of the Queen of Monsters’ death. I doubt any of them would have woken up one day and said “hey, killing some of the other champions who maybe or may not be friends of mine to increase mine and my elemental plane’s power sound like a great idea”. At least in the days following the Hero’s disappearance, they probably had better things to worry about than power. 

Gravelyn was the only one who was on the side of Evil and had the means to wage that kind of war if she wanted to, and she’s the first person to die. 

So who started it then?

Oh I don’t know. Probably the guy who focused on the ruler of Shadowscythe being the Champion of Light, in a position of leadership and influence to wage a war for the sake of Good, and already caused the death of one of her dead wife’s sister. 

Brentan 

Giant leap, probably, but hear me out. 

This scenario was brought up in the  Champion of Darkness questline, the what if a normal person killed a Champion and took their position (Idk if this got recon, but for the sake of this brain rot, it has not). So it is possible for Brentan to become the Champion of Light via being the one to kill Gravelyn. I don’t think he would kill her with in mind, since it doubtful that that info would be told to the leaders of the Alliance and became a closely guarded secret between those who initially learned it (I feel like this info is on the same level as the Hero being literal god). He probably viewed it as ridding Lore of an evil, and becoming the Champion of Light was a surprise. 

Obviously, this would happen during Gravelyn’s attack on Swordhaven. Maybe her and Victoria are having a duel and are avoiding dealing a deceive blow to the other, so he goes for it and actually manage to almost kill Gravelyn. Also, entirely possible that Brentan had a spell or weapon crafted to combat Gravelyn’s affinity to Light, like how he used Infernal weapons against the Infernal invasion and the net/spell Warlic made to ground Drakath. So while Victoria is either freak out on him for just killing her last reminding family member or just shutting down and the Hero is trying to save a dying Gravelyn, he’s celebrating his victory against Shadowscythe. 

Then boom, Champion of Light Brentan, and this is when things start going downhill fast.

There a few group in Lore that view Light as pure good and everything else as evil (ie the new Temple of Light, Higher Light elementals like Astero, the inquisition from that one Hollowborn questline) that I’m sure would be thrill to have a Good aligned Champion of Light that support their causes of ridding Lore of evil and monsters. I’m also pretty sure this could be why Brentan had Victoria executed and not literally anything else less extreme, these groups most likely putting the idea that she would want revenge for Gravelyn’s death since they were sisters and that he need to act quick and decisive for all that was good. No idea about Lynaria being considered the second coming of the Queen of Monsters tho since she was so revered for being the Champion of Light. Probably just propaganda/rumors from getting exaggerated and used to get Brentan to act quicker. I don’t think he would have wanted to execute Victoria straight off the bat, maybe just imprison her, but got pressured into it and started believing it was for the best for the kingdom somewhere along the line.

Of course, this would not have been received well by the other Champions, the Hero, friends of Victoria, and probably several other leaders in the Alliance. (Did you see the amount of side eye he got in the “Your Hero” cutscene when he was bashing Victoria’s leadership so far? like bitch you couldnt have done better) I can see them trying to talk sense into him about the execute, but most likely got the same response he gave the Hero about it, that it would be treason and they would be treated the enemy to Good if they tried to interfere (well in the Hero’s case, it was straight to being consider the enemy for even thinking about it but they would have been the biggest threat, but I’ll get back to that in a different part). 

Would they try to do something to save Victoria? Absolutely, but what would it be? 

I say there’s two ways this would play out, either all out war right off the bat or an attempted prison break to get Victoria to safety before dealing with Brentan. Honestly I say the latter is more interesting and most likely since no one would want a war with Swordhaven yet and Victoria’s niche was her spy network, and I’m sure some of her spies would already be working on getting her out way before being imprisoned.

Yet will that much support from her friends and allies, Victoria still get executed. Why? 

Maybe after Gravelyn’s death, the weight of everything just crushed on her. She wasn’t suppose to inherit the throne, that was Brittany’s right that she never got to claim. She was forced to leave Tara behind during the Infernal invasion, knowing that her sister would be brutally murdered and that she couldn’t protected her. She had to watch her dad slowly die due to his corruption then destroy the city he loved and kill his daughter. She was put in the position that she had to go against her brother in law for the throne, someone who was whole heartedly welcome into her family. She had to fight her last reminding family member the sack of her kingdom and had to watch her get mortally wounded and die. Victoria was going to be buckle under all of that at some point sooner or later, she couldn’t stay strong forever. 

Unfortunately it was now.

In the aftermath of Gravelyn’s invasion and death, I think Victoria just shut down and gave up. So when the rescue party shows up to save her from her impending doom, she would refuse to leave and accept her fate. At this point, she probably would fully believe the deaths of Gravelyn and Tara, plus the suffering of her people since taking the throne were due to her own failures as a ruler and accepted her death. 

Which would leave Brentan unchallenged as king of Swordhaven and in change of the forces of Good. 

This is where the war actually starts. 

Tbc later when i have the time to continue writing the rest

[harrytea]

harry sympathizing with colonizers and elitists the likes of the queen and maggie thatcher has never sat right with me. he’s a tory at heart but will never say outright which side of the fence he sits because he doesn’t want to lose any fandom money. the fact that he got credit for supporting the less privileged when all he said was “vote”, how he wouldn’t even say the word “abortion”, how he avoided the blm flag for months even as his poc fans asked him to show his support, there’s also his zionist beliefs - so many red flags that people willingly ignore.

getting back to blm for a moment. as a poc, this was hurtful and i feel it clearly drew lines where he and his fandom stood. no rewriting of history is going to erase that it was only bad press that made him address it. the claims that he grew up in a diverse environment (there was probably only a handful of non pocs in cheshire), that he was poor and working class so we needed to ignore his lack of interest and empathy for certain parts of his fandom spoke volumes. it should be noted that poc have only ever made an appearance in his life when some of his fans ocassionally notice that his entire existence and friend group is rich, white privileged men and skinny, white model-looking women, most of whom he picked out from the victoria secret catalog like he’s leonardo dicaprio.

the timing of blm flag, blm march, stormzy, lizzo and taylor2 - i can’t help feeling that he had boxes to tick to get some good press back.

i don’t know how serious he is with taylor, but what i do know is that he’s using it and using her to rehab his cheater image and to stop people saying he only has white girlfriends.

.

[crossdressingdeath]

Josephine: If [Ferelden and Orlais] unite against us, Divine Victoria will have no choice but to support their claims. We could lose everything. Alaris: Could we use the Qunari threat to remind everyone how valuable the Inquisition still is?

That- Okay, that's on me for assuming that any dialogue option in Trespasser would suggest that maybe the Orlesian and Fereldan representatives should be treated with the respect due to their stations and their positions as representatives of their rulers. But I didn't mean for Alaris to suggest dangling this new threat over Thedas's head to push them into supporting the Inquisition! I meant "Hey, if there's a pressing Qunari threat maybe we should tell people and not keep it a secret"! It drives me nuts how there is no option to just say that... maybe the Inquisition should just be open about what's going on. Like, there is no reason to hide this from Teagan and Cyril, even if it's decided that it would be better to keep it a secret from the rest of the people present to avoid panic! The only reason to keep the whole Qunari plot a secret until Teagan and Cyril show up and demand answers is that the Inquisition actually does think they're too good for any sort of accountability! And then they have the gall to be offended by the nations of Thedas getting angry at them for that!

[fumikomiyasaki]

I'm really curious so-

How would your RSA OC's feel about my RSA OC's-

Cressida would be uninteresting to him cause... he can’t hit on a Lesbian and has nothing to gain for his goals by interacting with her. Maybe only treat her kind cause of her status so he would still keep his name well. So he would be nice, but you would know he only does it to keep reputation.

Barry hates people with Pride cause he can’t use them well so Zenith he would ignore or avoid. Especially given Barrys secret crush on Yasuno (Which Yasuno is to blame for just saying) and Victoria being close with him and Zenith.... yeah there is more reasons that could be hilarious to explore.

Dimitri would also be uninteresting to him but also I feel Dimitri would hate Barry especially cause he is literally Toxic masculinity. So in generally I can see them not get along.

Barry would hate Azure... mainly for the reason of Envy, that Azure is that close to Carol all the time... Barry wants to win her for himself so in all he sees Azure as a rival. He in general is pretty passive agressive and tries to make rude comments...

I feel with Saika he tries to be nice but she is really annoyed by his personality.

With Roya he tried to be an asskisser and win his favour cause of his popularity but likely failed and now both just avoid another.

Although she would treat Cressida nicely... she herself would like grow tired of all the talking and often search for excuses to leave, with Barry she already has one talker.

Zenith I feel Francine would respect and even like... She is fine with a give no shit attitude... Might even be able to share some gossip with him for sure... and be interested in his music... I can see them get along on a respectfull level... She also apoligizes for Barry a lot.

Dimitri, although others call him charismatic that might be a reason for Francine to not be interested... treat him casual... cause she just judges to easy... I also just don’t think they have a lot to talk about...

Saika she is fine with... I can see both be respectfull to another... just also they don’t have reason to be close.

Azures stories would interest her and she might recommend some to her cousin... but funny enough given Lyla and Francine are Cousins and Carol is one of Lylas close friends... more good reputation to him.

Roya.... she wouldn’t care much about his popularity but moreso support him... be impressed by him... maybe even slightly take a liking to him... Its mainly cause he seems interesting to her.

Osyron doesn’t care much for his fellow mortal school mates but I feel... Zenith and Saika could both catch his interest in potential.

Lydia would only care about Roya and Dimitri mainly cause... they seem like good fighters, maybe she could challenge them...

Fabio would really like Cressida, likely often ask her for explaining things and see her as good friend.

Zenith... Fabio is that Rabbit that comes out the woods just cause he hears a pretty Melody and listens with his ears wagging... feeling happy and then politely apoligize cause he butted in.

Dimitri he would likely avoid cause he is kinda intimidated.

Saika he would be very nice to but maybe accidentally upset her just cause he wanted to help, he will apoligize for it a lot though and do better.

Azure he is very happy cause he sees during his tutoring with Carol how happy she is and that makes him happy as her friend. In general high respect and slowly tries to learn reading so he can actually read some stuff the both do as well.

Roya he would... also treat casual, nothing close but just respectfully.

Notes Fabio would still adress them all with Mister or Miss by accident... maybe with friendships it goes better.

Saneria is in general just really mean so... part of me hopes they just give up before the Demi-Godess goes feral cause... she is quite a crazy one.

[theyoungturks]

VFX workers are being pushed to the brink and may unionize because of it. Ana Kasparian and John Iadarola discuss on The Young Turks. Watch TYT LIVE on weekdays 6-8 pm ET. http://youtube.com/theyoungturks/live Read more HERE: https://www.vulture.com/2023/01/inside-the-vfx-union-brewing-in-hollywood.html? "The problems were myriad from the start. After Mark Patch (a veteran visual-effects technician with a long list of credits including Tenet, 2016’s Ghostbusters, and Starz’s American Gods) was offered a short-term position working on VFX for a Marvel series on Disney+, he says the studio balked at paying him his going rate — demanding to first see a pay stub from his work on Tenet proving his market value, then undershooting Patch’s quote by several hundred dollars a week. Then came the nondisclosure instructions he says were issued by Marvel’s VFX and postproduction president Victoria Alonso and staff VFX producer Jen Underdahl in a telephone meeting, requiring that Patch keep his employment at the company a secret and avoid any social-media posts that might indicate he was affiliated with a Marvel Cinematic Universe project. “I was like, ‘Okay, I can’t even tell my family where I am?’” he recalls. “What is this — the Manhattan Project?!” *** The largest online progressive news show in the world. Hosted by Cenk Uygur and Ana Kasparian. LIVE weekdays 6-8 pm ET. Help support our mission and get perks. Membership protects TYT's independence from corporate ownership and allows us to provide free live shows that speak truth to power for people around the world. See Perks: ▶ https://www.youtube.com/TheYoungTurks/join SUBSCRIBE on YOUTUBE: ☞ http://www.youtube.com/subscription_center?add_user=theyoungturks FACEBOOK: ☞ http://www.facebook.com/TheYoungTurks TWITTER: ☞ http://www.twitter.com/TheYoungTurks INSTAGRAM: ☞ http://www.instagram.com/TheYoungTurks TWITCH: ☞ http://www.twitch.com/tyt 👕 Merch: http://shoptyt.com ❤ Donate: http://www.tyt.com/go 🔗 Website: https://www.tyt.com 📱App: http://www.tyt.com/app 📬 Newsletters: https://www.tyt.com/newsletters/ If you want to watch more videos from TYT, consider subscribing to other channels in our network: The Watchlist https://www.youtube.com/watchlisttyt Indisputable with Dr. Rashad Richey https://www.youtube.com/indisputabletyt Unbossed with Nina Turner https://www.youtube.com/unbossedtyt The Damage Report ▶ https://www.youtube.com/thedamagereport TYT Sports ▶ https://www.youtube.com/tytsports The Conversation ▶ https://www.youtube.com/tytconversation Rebel HQ ▶ https://www.youtube.com/rebelhq TYT Investigates ▶ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwNJt9PYyN1uyw2XhNIQMMA #TYT #TheYoungTurks #BreakingNews 230118__TB02_VFX_Technicians by The Young Turks