#the way trans people empower each other

[witherfide]

im crying again

trans joy is so fucking beautiful

[andy-wm]

On a personal note...

This is a personal story, so feel free to scroll on past (if you're only here for the Jikookery I can respect that).

I'm posting this because it's connected to what Jimin and Jungkook (specifically Jimin) may or may not be doing with this album and their travel series "Are you sure", and by that I mean coming out publicly as queer and as lovers. If it sounds vague, it is, because I don't know what they're doing yet. I don't know how far Jimin is taking this or what direction he'll go. But if he is going to make his private life public, then my post is relevant even though my experience is a microscopic spec 0f what he will encounter.

I live in a conservative little town on the edge of a big city, we're almost the last stop on the metro train line. This place has 10 000 residents and a reputation for being a little on the rough side. It's not a bad place and the people are not bad people but they won't step aside if you pick a fight, lets put it that way.

There's one high school in our little town, and I am the school librarian. I also run the school's pride club and when I started it 5 years ago (that's when I joined this school) it kicked up a bit of a stink. The community had mixed feelings. I wasn't out as trans at that point, only as queer. The school principal supported the club but wanted me to keep it quiet (I didn't). She wanted me to be appeasing (I wasn't). And when we had challenges from homophobic students, she wanted me to 'let her handle it' ( I didn't).

I responded to bigotry with patience and kindness, modelling the behaviour I expected and having many many conversations about prejudice, the patriarchy, learned behaviour, fear of the unknown, and minding your own damn business....

When I came out as trans to the school community - changing my name and pronouns - I faced some real push back from both staff and students. Students were less openly hostile but sometimes the subtle attempts at bullying are worse. My line manager was really difficult about it. I was a hot topic of conversation. It wasn't a good time. But I stuck with it, partly because I couldn't go back and partly because the Pride Club students were so empowered by what I was doing. They thought I was really brave. I couldn't let them down.

It was a tough time for me personally. Every day was a struggle as I navigated my wavering sense of identity and tried to be true to myself. Most of my family and friends were okay with it but some were not. Some flipped back and forth, some thought I had lost my mind. I had to let a few people go from my life, including one of my closest friends. I've lost a few more since then. I've cried more in the past few years than I have in my whole life and I am pretty tough, so you gotta know - it was a lot.

Fast forward to now. The pride club is well established, homophobia still exists but it's less overt and it's no longer ignored, and we have staff who are active allies. It's definitely a success. Our students to have a safe place where they can be themselves, and slow change is coming to the culture of the school.

It has come at a personal cost though. Not a HUGE personal cost but enough for it to matter. I am recognised and known around town because, well, most people in small communities know each other. But more so because of my role in the school, and because I am the only out and vocal queer person on school staff (yes, there are other LGBTQIA+ staff but they keep it quiet, and I don't really blame them).

At school i still have to correct people on my pronouns on a daily basis, and occasionally a student will throw a comment my way but it's not often these days. I have to come out to all the new staff pretty much as soon as I first meet them otherwise it's awkward. It's just an everyday thing. It's not a big deal but it's tiring, and it's something cis/straight people don't ever have to think about.

What is tough, though, is sniping from the community at large every now and again. I have been targeted on community socials and I've had had some pretty brusque service from local shop owners and service personnel in local businesses. Sometimes I see kids from school at the shops and they point me out to their parents. I pretend it's because they're happy to see me (what the fuck else am I going to do - hide in the apple crate?) They may say a friendly hello... or they may following me through the aisles of the supermarket trying to menace me - yes, that has happened - I just have to wait and see.

I do have allies in the community too - like the gorgeous pharmacist who always gets my name and pronouns right and compliments me (on whatever he can think of) every time I collect my meds. There's a stern woman in the hardware store who makes a point of loudly correcting herself when she uses the wrong pronouns (often). I appreciate this, I really do, but honestly it would be great if she could be a little quieter.

I am not a celebrity by any means, just a small town school librarian. But wherever I go in my small town - to the doctor, the supermarket, the park, or the gym - there's a chance I'll encounter someone who knows my face. Sometimes that makes me nervous.

The point of this long and boring post is to give people who may not know what it's like, a bit of insight into the experience of a regular, everyday person who lives in a conservative place and who is both recognisable and queer. It can be exhausting, and from time to time I struggle with mental health issues. So I have no doubt that for people who are really well known, it would be much, much worse. They would be the subject of public debate on news sites and TV. They'd be tossed into arguments by politicians on both sides of the divide. They'd encounter hostility in person too, and that's really frightening.

So please remember that if the celebs you admire choose NOT to come out, it's because they've weighed up their choices and that's the safest option for them. Support them where they're at, so they can live their best life under the circumstances.

If they do come out, they'll probably need even more support. Please love them, defend them, celebrate them, and validate them. They need you more than you know.

And above all else, be a good human.

PS, no need to comment here, this is purely a PSA <3

[exitwound]

Maybe think about why you care so much about calling gerard way a woman to the extent that you equate it as the only correct way to engage with their work, as if art as well as support for the trans community can’t have value by itself, as if that isn’t the point, not their literal personal internal experience of gender that’s no one’s business, the same way trying to decide if anyone is trans is not your business if that person doesn’t want to tell you or talk about it with you, because it’s gender essentialist, and why it’s so baffling to you that a celebrity in general but especially gerard way might want to avoid labels or this specific type of intrusive categorization , as they have explicitly stated as well as created music that is about the same thing. And shouldnt we live in a world where someone can present gnc, and talk about experiences with gender and with femininity in honest ways, without people not just obsessing over whether that means they’re “really a woman” but outright deciding, and acting like they are. That’s a narrow fucking definition of womanhood. And shouldn't we value that authenticity from people who don’t want to choose a label as much as we do from people who identify in ways they do choose to label, (labels or the lack of btw have never been individual terms but tools for relating or not relating ourselves to the world in specific ways,) Isn’t that a better more open and beautiful mode of creating relationships to each other? Why does gerard need to be a woman to you? Why are you so obsessed with this? Why is transness and queerness and gender nonconformity itself, to you, some kind of item, an object or artifact for distribution upon others — and it is not in fact “creating cisnormativity” to accept the way a person wants to relate their identity to an audience. There are lots of trans women and transfeminine people who are doing everything gerard way is doing for transness and much more. If you want to call someone a woman go call a woman a woman. If you want to celebrate trans joy go celebrate trans joy. Please by all means do I will celebrate with you I am celebrating with you and I am doing it while listening to my chemical romance. So what’s the point in acting like this. I really don't get it. But it concerns me because this isn't the only time I've witnessed this kind of attitude and although its well-intentioned and "playful" its ultimately weird, ultimately harmful. So honestly, if this really feels "low-stakes" to you it might be because you've never dealt with the kinds of situations where the stakes exist, or considered the perspective of someone who has a different relationship to the stakes of your argument than you do.

Because not to be dramatic, but these stakes are the same stakes relevant to the literal record numbers of legislation currently being passed in the US using bioessentialism and gender essentialism to install systems of state-controlled gender-enforcing and forced gendering of trans and non-trans gnc children in schools and in healthcare. What you're doing is, if on a small scale, still contributing to the same conceptualization of gender as these laws, and as the people who passed them, even if you're well intentioned and hate the laws, even if your beliefs are reversed, the framework is the same, and that framework is going to empower the dominant culture, not yours. That's how power works. Which is why it's stupid. It's literally just stupid. And it hurts trans people who have had experiences in the real world where people are just as intrusive as you are being about trying to interpret their gender, and you’re no different for trying to clock people. If you don't know the stakes of your words, you should learn them before you use those words. Just because you're in a bubble of people who agree with you and think this is just about being either "right" or "wrong" about gerard way's gender and wanting to be "right" doesn't dismiss you from the meaning of the actual words you are saying and the ideologies informing your beliefs, whether or not you're aware of them, because the rest of us aren't trying to be right, we're not living in a this-or-that world in the first place. Personally I don't know them. I've appreciated & engaged with what they have said about their experiences with gender as well as their art while also respecting their statements about not liking labels, and treated their silence on their own identity as intentional, because I like knowing what words, and the absences of words, mean

[outfitqueer]

No Wrong Way to Be Trans

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️I have been reading a lot of posts and texts, and I also noticed many people speak about this troubling pattern: trans men and masculine-presenting folks often face intense pressure to fit certain expectations from both within our community and from society at large. It seems like there’s an endless list of criteria for being "trans enough," and it never really fits anyone perfectly.

Some are criticized for being too visible or too bold with their style and choices. Others are told they’re not visible enough and should be more open about their journey. Preferences for clothing, hairstyles, or how someone chooses to express their gender can all become points of contention.

What’s tough is that no matter what choices a trans person makes, someone always seems ready to judge or dismiss them. It’s like we’re expected to walk this impossible line, where stepping too far in any direction means we’re doing it wrong.

But here’s the thing—there’s no wrong way to be who you are. Every trans person’s experience is different, and that diversity is something to be celebrated, not criticized. We should be focusing on supporting each other, understanding that every path is unique, and that what’s right for one person might not be right for another.

And here’s where I want to be crystal clear: This kind of gatekeeping within the trans community needs to stop. It’s not just unhelpful; it’s harmful. No one has the right to tell anyone else how to live their truth. Whether someone chooses to be loud and proud or quietly live their life, whether they embrace traditionally masculine styles or mix it up—these choices are valid.

I stand firm in this belief: Our strength comes from our diversity. It’s time to stop dividing ourselves based on superficial differences and start lifting each other up. The world outside is already tough enough on us. Let’s not make it harder on each other.

This is a call to action—let’s create a community where every trans person feels empowered to be exactly who they are, without fear of judgment or rejection. Because in the end, we’re all in this together, and the only way forward is through unity, respect, and unconditional support.

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

[drolaticdaydreams]

you see! the thing is! revolutionary girl utena and the riot grrrl movement actually showed up around the same times, but during the early movement riot grrrl ideology was kind of rocky. it mostly focused on white women and rejecting a general upper/middle class upbringing, plus it has a bad history of excluding trans people and overall sparking a really extremist take on feminism that boils down to replacing the straight white men in power with straight white women that still embody a corrupt system.

the movement has improved itself overtime but the thing is that revolutionary girl utena, for all its flaws that i admit it has, kind of hit the ground running with a take on feminism that was ahead of its time. first of all anthy is a rare instance of a dark skinned character in an anime that isn't drawn like a racist caricature, and also one of the only dark skinned protagonists of that era. (dumb) people can debate that she's a flat character but the truth is that the whole story is for her; it's her life being brought a revolution. no one in rgu is white cuz obviously it takes place in japan, but it still rings true that the story aligns with the complexity of intersectional feminism that benefits to all women today, because what utena thought was empowering to all girls actually harms anthy and so on and so forth; even more so, what utena thinks is empowering her is actually hurting her all the same in the long run, turning her into the man she thinks she's fighting against that want them both crushed under it.

rgu also touched on the fact that putting women in a position of power instead of men wouldn't solve anything, because the system itself is rotten. even more mature of it for its time was that the show had a realistic ending where even after utena dedicated her last moments in the show to trying to free anthy, the coffin still fell away from her reach, and the swords turned on her. to akio this was a failure, and this is how a lot of people see fighting against corrupt systems to end: the system always ultimately wins against the individuals, and people lose hope that change can ever happen. however, utena's beliefs inspired anthy to leave ohtori, and then in the movie you see that the student council is given hope to leave as well. change, revolution, is gradual, but that doesn't make it any less worth it. in a lot of punk media i see this ending where the heroes can alone end the oppression in the movie, but that's just not how it works in real life, but there are moments of victory that inspire others to pick off where they leave off, and a better future is imaginable.

i think finally, in regards to the riot grrrl movement, rgu is way more nuanced with gender. you honestly just have to look at the fans to see that utena's gender expression gave trans people who watched rgu more vocabulary to express themselves. more than that though, i think the show was careful with how it approached both gender and femininity. the prince and the bride are both gendered roles, but masculinity and femininity aren't intrinsically toxic for each other. the show doesn't punish utena for being masc, and likewise even after escaping her role as a rose bride, anthy likes dressing fem. it's the way heteronormativity has made us think of these expressions: that masculinity has to come with aggression, and femininity means subservience. neither is a bad thing for the other, and people should be allowed to present how they want, not how they feel their personality means they have to.

all in all i think revolutionary girl utena is a relic for punks and riot grrrls and it isn't considered as such by a lot of people. the show really was ahead of its time. i hope this was coherent!

[kdinjenzen]

Now I'm curious WRT how 'Barbie' didn't hit for you.

I’ll say this first. If you liked the movie, I’m happy for you and I’m not here to tell you to hate the movie. I’m glad you enjoyed it and hope you continue to enjoy it.

That said… this movie was NOT for me and I did not enjoy its story at all. I loved the set design, costume design, the performances, the music, the dedication to creating the world, all that stuff was great.

The plot itself. It felt circular without actually purposefully dealing with the issues it tried to talk about.

The fact that Doctor Barbie, who is trans, is the one who is told to “go seduce Ken by telling him you feel don’t feel pretty” - as if this isn’t something that leads to violence toward trans women in the real world and also why her to be the one who doesn’t feel pretty? Wtf?

The Kens of Barbieland are basically all losers, are grossly incompetent compared to Barbie, treated poorly, and our main Ken (aka Beach Ken) has severe self worth issues… so naturally all the Kens become the villains and are able to overthrow all of Barbieland later on in the movie by doing …. they never explain how. Somehow a world full of, and built by, the most capable women ever are overthrown by like 20 dudes who they treated poorly and who aren’t very smart. Beach Ken’s root problems are only barely resolved and none of it feels meaningful.

Gloria and Sasha, the human characters who work with Barbie to fix Barbieland, are just as much caricatures and tropes as Barbie herself. Sasha, the daughter, is a mean Gen Z who just openly lashes out at Barbie (a stranger), and everyone else who is actually nice to her, for no reason. Gloria is “a sad mom who pretends to be happy” but they never explain why at all, it’s assumed that it’s because “she lives in a patriarchy”, but the only person who’s directly mean to her in the film is… her daughter.

Gloria gives a speech to each Barbie, individually, to snap them out of the Ken’s brainwashing (which like AGAIN how did that happen? It makes no sense at all and just confuses me) - the speeches are not empowering at all, they’re just about how women in the real world suffer a double standard on how to exist and SOMEHOW with all those depressing revelations thrown at them it… restores their self-confidence/self-worth and undoes the brainwashing?

Weird Barbie, whom everyone says is ugly and gross and they have violent “EW!!!” reactions to her face, is played by Kate FUCKING McKinnon. Meanwhile Stereotypical Barbie, while having an ugly cry breakdown about (again) not being pretty anymore, is played by Margot FUCKING Robbie. A fact that the movie points out as “the wrong casting choice to have this scene and cast Margot Robbie as Barbie saying she’s ugly.”

I heard so much about how it was a “queer positive movie” but there’s nothing queer about nor really in the movie. So it got to cling to the rainbow and scream “allyship” and everyone praised it for essentially doing nothing.

Everyone is like… mean? Everything feels so mean and mean spirited. It’s supposed to be very tongue in cheek, very snappy and quick, and everyone has a comeback for every situation but… it just really feels like everyone is just being mean for the sake of being mean and it makes moments where you’re supposed to feel sympathy for any character just drop immediately when they say the rudest shit ever for literally no reason.

They talk about Midge, aka the pregnant woman in the Barbie line, and then say “no don’t look at her anymore, she’s weird and creepy” … which AGAIN feels like that statement undercuts the point of women empowerment that the movie wants you to take away from watching the film?

It tries to balance jokes and seriousness in a way that undercuts the message of “society is kind fucked up and broken” that they’re trying to talk about. The “good guys” are also constantly mistreating other people, the “Barbieland bad guys” became bad by going to the real world and leaning “patriarchy”, the “Real world bad guys” literally do nothing except take up movie time for random gags and really don’t service the plot at all, and as much as it’s like “TAKE THAT MAJOR CORPORATION” at every turn… the movie was fully approved by Warner Bros Discovery AND Mattel… so it’s never actually going to say anything worthwhile about corporate greed and corruption without putting on kiddie gloves to do so.

The only person who I felt true sympathy for, understood their reasoning, and felt they deserved a happy ending was ALLAN, aka Ken’s Best Friend, who is treated equally like shit by basically everyone in the film. Allan points out that Barbieland and the Real World both kinda suck, how life is only just slightly more miserable there after the Ken’s took over, and how he just “wants to run away” and when given the chance does so, only to defend Sasha and Gloria from a bunch of Ken’s single handedly and telling them to “get out while they can”… and then is subsequently brought back to Barbieland by Sasha and Gloria to fix everything and… AGAIN none of this pays off because Allan’s purpose is dropped immediately when they get back to Barbieland. And Allan is played by MICHEAL CERA. I feel like I’m losing my mind at this point.

It feels like the movie wants to talk about the issues women face in all walks of life, but is never able to punch hard enough to make that message matter nor stick. It talks around gender issues, self worth issues, and problems in society without actually saying something real about them. The meanness of all the dialogue makes me really not care about pretty much anyone in the movie because… man I’m just so fucking tired of everything and everyone having to be “mean” in movies to prove a point.

The movie ends with a gynecologist appointment.

I dunno what to tell you. The plot is “not for me” and I didn’t really connect with anything.

The movie just made me sad and disconnected because of how much everyone praised it, saying it “made me proud to be a woman” or “it’s inventive, immaculately crafted and surprising mainstream films in recent memory - a testament to what can be achieved within even the deepest bowels of capitalism.”

And it didn’t feel like that for me at all.

Maybe it’s because of all the “that’s womanhood” talk throughout the movie. Because I’ve had so many women in power give me that speech after I came out as trans only to be abused directly by them in the same way that they said men abused them all while I was still ALSO being abused by the same men who abused them too. So like YIPPEE this fucking SUCKS and it was kinda trauma triggering!!

Maybe it’s because I’ve worked in the entertainment industry for 17+ years and know how stuff like this gets made and how many corporate approvals you need for it to make the “take THAT major corporations and CEOs!” jokes land like a dead fish on the floor. The people they are directly calling out said “yes, this level of joke at the expense of our richness and power is okay” and that’s the ONLY reason any of those moments are in the movie. So it doesn’t even really fucking matter, it’s all manufactured, it’s all there to make you feel like it’s doing something when the people with all the power just allowed it to happen. It’s not a “win” or a “heavy blow to their ego”, they literally don’t care.

So I DUNNO, this movie kinda just made me feel depressed and made me remember how badly I had been treated by people after coming out regardless of that person’s gender. The movie felt mean in a way that was too “on the nose” and real for me but then praised most of the characters for their mean actions or words.

[phemiec]

Gender/orientation headcanons about Gotham 2014 Edward Nygma and Oswald Cobblepot under the cut. More rambling character analysis than anything but hey enjoy.

(Feel free to fight me in the comments/reblogs. I love discussing this stuff and would like to hear other's interpretations as well.)

So getting right into it, Oswald I really love as a trans man, but also as a cis man who was denied acceptance as male much the same way Brienne of tarth is a cis woman denied acceptance as female. Either feels like a very feasible read.

Because of his inability to conform to masculine norms and ideals, he has had to claw his own identity as a man out for himself with very few role models and little support.

It's obvious his presentation, when he's able to control it, is very important to him, and the expensive and tailored suits, his styled hair etc, are very vital to his sense of identity which, while not manly in the mainstream sense, represent a masculine ideal to him and are empowering to his sense of self.

For that reason I think of him as very binary. Even when he dresses more typically "feminine", it's in the context of being a man and forging his own self determined male identity.

Edward is another beast entirely to me though. Unlike Oswald who is shown to have equal contempt/respect for the people around him, male or female, and treats men and women mostly the same, for better or worse: Edward is distinctly shown to treat men and women differently, but as he is foremost a narcissist, they represent different reflections of himself.

He sees women as trophies and affirmations of his success and power as a man, and other men as threats or challenges to that identity. His notions of gender are antiquated, and while he does follow Lee briefly, he does not really afford women the sort of respect of agency he shows to men. Masculinity to him is about conformity, and then later about power.

He tries to impress the men he is interested in by challenging them, testing their limits and proving his superiority over them intellectually. With the women he is interested in, he attempts to conform himself to their needs and become the perfect partner for each of them in order to earn their validation.

He only does both behaviors for Lee and Oswald, which is part of the threat they pose to him, they challenge the boundries of acceptable behavior he's allowed himself, and the reason he tries to kill both is (yes, his ego, but also) because they refuse to conform to the boxes he assigns to men and women, or buy into the ideal of himself he attempts to project, and instead they both demand vulnerability and self-awareness from him, and also they demand he sees them as themselves, as individuals and not reflections. Which is, of course, terrifying to him.

Anyway to Sum-up: Oswald is a binary (either trans or cis) man, demi-sexual and pan-romantic. He isn't really focused on sex at all and can't be straightforwardly seduced, but is very vulnerable to intimately platonic and romantic manipulation, less so as the show goes on but he still basically does everything he does for love, love of his favorite individuals, of groups, of the city itself. He'll say it's about respect and power but everything comes down to wanting love and acceptance.

Edward in the other hand is a bi enby so deep in the fucking closet he needs to be pried out like an impacted tooth. His sexuality is anybody interesting and smart who can affirm/reflect something about himself, and his gender is a riddle wrapped in a puzzle inside a massive attention whore. He is a Chris Fleming-coded theater nerd and his gender is showpig, he just wants a big blue ribbon at the county fair.  He is literally only a man because he thinks he can win at it, and that's that on that.

[thedreadvampy]

My housemate is moving out in January

She told us this a week or two ago, when she sat down and, after sitting with us watching TV for over an hour, said "hey so I bought a house and I'm moving out. We agreed on 2 months notice so I won't move until the end of January."

The last time she talked in the immediate terms about buying a house was in 2021, when the sale she was working on fell though and she was unemployed so it was a "when I'm back in a position to look I'll start looking again." Since then I've occasionally asked her how she's doing on the house buying front and she's been like "oh I'm getting there financially" but hasn't mentioned anything concrete.

She didn't tell us she was looking at places. She didn't tell us she had put in an offer. She told us when the offer was finalised. A week AFTER she emailed the letting agent about getting out of her part of the lease. And, it increasingly feels like, only because the letting agent's response was that we had to agree to change the lease.

The letting agent's response (which our housemate obviously didn't copy us into; we had to follow up separately and they copied us into the email chain) also includes that when we change the lease, they're empowered to change the rent, quote, "no cap". Rent was already going up in January - there's no possibility of Sam and I paying her share of the rent.

The really fucking upsetting thing is we're not strangers. This isn't a casual "housemate we found on flatshare" thing. She and Sam have lived together literally their entire adult lives. Me and her have known each other well over a decade. I lived in her and Sam's flat when I was homeless. We were the first people she came out to as trans. We're not super close but I thought we were fucking friends. And she's literally gone out of her way to not talk to us about this for what must have been months while the sale completed - which means she's lied to my face at least once cause I've asked her about her finances in that time (cause she's in a job she hates that she only took to get the house money, so it's like. when we've been commiserating about work stuff I'm often asking 'are you almost free?'). she literally went out of her way to talk to the letting agents before talking to us about putting us in a situation where we could lose our fucking home.

And she keeps. trying. to pretend nothing's happened. Every time I've seen her since then she's not mentioned anything or apologised or anything, she just keeps chatting away and offering hugs and fistbumps like nothing's happened. Like we're still fucking friends.

All it would take for us to still be friends and to be happy for her would have been one fucking sentence in the groupchat like "hey, just put an offer in on a house" or "I'm looking at properties, just so you know, that might happen in the next few months". Like nobody begrudges her for buying a house! It's very cool for her! She's 31 she's worked really hard to get the money I would love to be happy for her! Unfortunately she decided avoiding conflict is more important than giving the people she fucking LIVES WITH (who btw fronted her a month on the rent here while she was unemployed and agreed to take on a larger proportion of the move-in cost back in 2021, if we're still holding ourselves to shit we said 2.5 years ago), so no, you are not entitled to our friendship or to going back to normal.

like if she'd been honest with us it would have been something to process but we'd have had time to figure out our next steps. instead she's left us in a position where we have to find a new roommate before she gives her one month notice, which means finding someone by the end of December, which oh look that's the middle of the fucking Christmas holidays. and she didn't tell us anything until the START of December, or copy us into her conversation with the letting agent, meaning we still don't know what the rent on that space will be so we aren't yet in a position to advertise it. Has she offered to help find a roommate? Has she fuck. Has she offered to help out by moving her move-out date? Nah, she's moving as soon as she gets the keys because, quote, "that means her finances won't have to change". SOUNDS LOVELY. NOT HAVING YOUR FINANCES SUDDENLY CHANGE. I THINK THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY REASONABLE FUCKING GOAL.

Thirteen fucking years she's lived with Sam. Four fucking weeks over Christmas she's left us to figure out a way to not turbofuck our living situation. And she's got the fucking nerve to try and pretend we should be interacting like nothing's changed. Jesus Christ. What a fucking unhinged way to treat...anybody, honestly. never mind the friends-your-entire-adult-life part. literally cannot imagine a scenario in which I would buy a house without telling the people I lived with.

(haha actually this is what my parents divorced over so apparently it's not unusual. although at least my dad had the decency to tell the woman he shared finances with at the point he put in an offer not the point the fucking sale went through.)

Like we'll be fine. It's a huge city centre flat with decent rent and queer housemates, hopefully even when the rent goes up it'll be an easy sell in a city with a huge housing shortage and big queer community. We've got a couple of people interested already, sight unseen - worst case scenario we have to live with someone we don't get on with. And it's given Sam and me a push to look at our own finances and as of today, we've got a mortgage decision in principle and can start looking at flats in the area - mind, we'll be transparent upfront and tell any prospective housemates that yeah, we're looking to buy and move out in the next 6-12 months, and we'll tell them if we put an offer in, because we're decent fucking people who aren't going to spring that on someone out of the blue.

But it's been I think 2 weeks and I'm so fucking angry I could spit. It's such a fucking betrayal. And frankly you know selfishly like. I just had a breakup a couple of months ago, I'm in the middle of moving jobs, both me and Sam have a history of housing instability and this has been the first decent, stable, safe, not-mouldy not-freezing home I think any of us have had, and this is so fucking triggering and upscuttling I could just start biting. like I was talking to my friend about it last week and it's just like. Can I have One Fucking Thing of the three main tentpoles of survival - home, work, relationships - that are fucking stable right now? because shit has been In Flux lately. and at least the work and relationship stuff has changed because of my decisions. going through all that work to make myself short-term unstable to gain long-term stability has been really hard and draining and then just as I was reaching the crisis point with work stuff BOOM, IT'S HOUSING INSTABILITY WITH A STEEL CHAIR. fuck. seriously fuck this and fuck her. we're going to make something good come of it but what a deeply, unbelievably shitty thing to do.

[mjjune]

hi hello what can you tell me about the Selection from ds, like what are the three roles and do people change? Can people change their choice?

hi yes hello ✨

it would take way too long to go into the roles and also some of that is spoilers but lol

essentially "roles" in ds replace gender roles in this high fantasy society. Selection is the coming of age ceremony where you choose which of the 3 roles you are and that decides kinda what path you go down for the rest of your life. it's not super cut and dry and there are a variety of options, but there are set expectations for how you live your life, what your job is, etc. with each of the 3 roles.

but it doesn't just replace the gender binary we have in real life since, obviously, here there are 3 roles. also, the expectations for each role are more based on the culture and magic system (actually, it's all based on dragons lmao). so these roles have nothing to do with biology, body parts, physical appearance, family dynamics, or submission/dominance. those concepts don't exist at all in ds, and the roles are not built on oppression.

(more below cut to save dash space)

but no, you can't change your role. if you really wanted to, you could shift your life path regarding your job/hobbies/fashion/life views (say if you wanted to switch from a stereotypical role job to a very rare job for someone of your role) but actually switching roles? no. especially since most people get cultural marks/tattoos based on their role after their Selection it's pretty permanent. i guess this would be the closest you could get to trans in this world?? but it's not really viewed that way 🤣 it's more of just being seen as an outlier/edgy.

but they don't physically change, other than the tattoos if they choose to get them. it's more of an inner change, where their connection to spirituality and magic strengthens because they're Committed to dragons the role and empowers them/strengthens their sense of self. but they don't change per se (at least not anymore than someone does when they turn 18 irl LOL)

but how strict they are depends on the island you're on and your family and how seriously they take it! obviously more traditional and religious families are going to have more set-in-stone expectations regarding how you live your life according to your role, compared to a more "progressive" (for lack of better term) family which might not be as strict. so real life concepts like "male dominated fields", "only women wear [x]" and role-based marriage expectations etc. do still exist in the ds world, just that these aren't founded in systemic oppression 🪦

thanks for asking!!!!!!!!

hope this answers your questions while not giving too much away 🤣

[stackthedeck]

Hey, we've been mutuals for a while, and I think of you in a good light. I'm disappointed to see you post infographics that are clearly designed to persuade left leaning youth to not vote in the upcoming election. If you actually think Trump and Biden are equivalent, you've been badly mislead. Anything that convinces people their vote doesn't matter is dangerous and unethical to post.

Literally just google a list of things they did during their presidencies. Here's a list for each, from the same website: trump, biden. It's different. This doesn't even include the price cap on insulin Biden just mandated, since his list was made before that. He also reversed a policy, that trump put in place, permitting medical professionals to discriminate based on religious values (aka turn away gay and trans patients.)

If not that, look at who Trump appointed to the supreme court, and then look what happened to Roe v. Wade. The justices a conservative appoint are going to vote differently than the ones a liberal will appoint.

Like, I'm sorry if this is coming off as rude, but please think a little more critically and actually look at what they each have done and will continue to do. You are discouraging people from voting and you are responsible for the impact this has. You're spreading misinformation.

Frankly this does come off as rude. That post did not say don’t vote for Biden and it made incredibly valid criticism of Biden. Has the Biden administration put in place good policy? Yes of course. Are citizens right to also criticize that the administration hasn’t and isn’t doing enough? Also yes.

Listen I’m a political science student this doesn’t make me and expert by any means but I have done work in government so idk. I’m registered to vote in a red state I’ve voted third party for president in every election and I vote for candidates I agree with and know are effective in local and congressional elections. I’m not saying don’t vote. Even people saying don’t vote Biden aren’t saying don’t vote at all but encouraging voting at all the other levels

I don’t want trump to win but public pressure from key groups of voters such as Arab Americans of all ages (because framing this as a lazy ungrateful younger generational issue is incredibly ignorant) and yeah younger voters could encourage the Biden administration to actually change its policies especially about the ongoing genocide in Palestine. Biden does not get my vote or anyone’s vote because he’s not trump, that’s not democracy it is a hostage situation. Biden must be responsive to the people not just on election day and on the campaign trail but every day. I donated money to his campaign and grassroots organizations that empowered people to vote in 2020. I will not do so again until the Biden administration ceases all aid and weapons to Israel.

I don’t live in a swing state Biden doesn’t care about me. I’ve been harassed in the schools I’m employed at by teachers and parents alike because I’m visibly queer and because I live in a red state I have no legal recourse. Why doesn’t the Biden administration do anything to stop the hundreds of anti trans and anti queer bills in the states? Why don’t I have federal anti discrimination laws protecting me? My trans health care was denied under a blue president what difference does it make.

Vote blue no matter who is just as damaging to democratic values and thinking as make America great again. Either way the parties are complacent because they just have to be not the other guy instead of being responsive to the will of the people. We have to demand better.

Hopefully by 2024 I will be registered to vote in a swing state and Biden will have made the changes to earn my vote. But I know that I will be voting for state and local candidates and it will be coordinated with other truly civically engaged voters who want to see real change in their communities

[nativeboyfriend]

YOU’D HAVE LOVED HER

@rksband is such a special band to me and their music makes me feel so many things so deeply. I had Goodnight Chicago on loop for like a week straight before making this and one night I cried so hard while listening to it it made me realize I wanted to be more vocal about being 2Spirit / the general complexity of my relationship with gender. And thus this art was born.

Transition is the greatest gift I’ve ever given myself and it’s opened so many new doors to a deeper understanding of who I am. There are parts of how I connect to my gender that can only be understood from a specific lens or with a specific level of closeness to me, and I’m getting more comfortable with navigating those grey areas. Instead of explaining every aspect of my identity to beg for acceptance, I feel empowered to demand equity even and especially in the absence of full understanding. I don’t wish to be easily consumable, and I like knowing that there are parts of me that can only be accessed through genuine love and community.

I’ve even been considering soft-launching the return of she/her pronouns exclusively for other trans people! I’m excited about the way transition has allowed me to reconnect with things I ran from in order to feel safe, and I hold love and understanding in my heart both for the version of me that had to make sacrifices out of necessity as well as the more fully realized person I’m evolving into.

And you can too, btw. I love you and I hope you love yourself too. The most important thing we can do for ourselves and each other as trans people is live in our truths and love every single part of who we are.

[gatheringbones]

[“If there is one thing that all of us femmes have in common, it is that we all have had to learn to embrace our own feminine expression while simultaneously rejecting other people’s expectations of us. What makes femininity “femme” is not the fact that it is queer, or transgressive, or ironic, or performative, or the complement of butch. No. What makes our femininity “femme” is the fact that we do it for ourselves. It is for that reason that it is so empowering. And that is what makes us so powerful.

As femmes, we can do one of two things with our power: We can celebrate it in secret within our own insular queer communities, pat ourselves on the back for being so much smarter and more subversive than our straight feminine sisters. Or we can share that power with them. We can teach them that there is more than one way to be feminine, and that no style or expression of femininity is necessarily any better than anyone else’s. We can teach them that the only thing fucked up about femininity is the dismissive connotations that other people project onto it. But in order to that, we have to give up the self-comfort of believing that our rendition of femme is more righteous, or more cool, or more subversive than anyone else’s.

I don’t think that my femme expression, or anyone else’s femme expressions, are in and of themselves subversive. But I do believe that the ideas that femmes have been forwarding for decades—about reclaiming femininity, about each person taking the parts of femininity that resonate with them and leaving behind the rest, about being femme for ourselves rather than for other people, about the ways in which feminine expression can be tough and active and bad-ass and so on—these ideas are powerful and transformative.

I think that it’s great to celebrate femme within our own queer communities, but we shouldn’t merely stop there. We need to share with the rest of the world the idea of self-determined and self-empowered feminine expression, and the idea that feminine expression is just as legitimate and powerful as masculine expression. The idea that femininity is inferior and subservient to masculinity intersects with all forms of oppression, and is (I feel) the single most overlooked issue in feminism. We need to change that, not only for those of us who are queer femmes, but for our straight cis sisters who have been disempowered by society’s unrealistic feminine ideals, for our gender-variant and gender-non-conforming siblings who face disdain for defying feminine expectations and/or who are victims of trans-misogyny, and also for our straight cis brothers, who’ve been socialized to avoid femininity like the plague, and whose misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, and so on, are driven primarily by their fear of being seen as feminine. While I don’t think that my femme expression is subversive, I do believe that we together as femmes have the power to truly change the world.”]

julia serano, from excluded: making feminist and queer movements more inclusive, 2013

[genderqueerdykes]

Oh it’s okay sorry. I’m scared to be a transman. I put so much into reconnecting to femininity as a woman now that it’s not forced, and connecting to feminine empowering things like witchcraft, or movies or just connecting to women like lesbianism does. But I just…have such a hard time to connecting to women I guess the way I should. I love being a lesbian woman, but then it comes back to not having that connection. Like lesbian media, I can’t enjoy it, even on its basics of just having lesbians, with very few exceptions. And I’m scared of being a man, even if it’s in my bones. Hope that makes more sense. - 🍓

hello there, thanks for clarifying! sorry for the late reply!

it sounds like you may experience some type of identity fluidity, have you considered something like genderfluidity? you don't have to totally abandon womanhood, especially if you have reconnected with that part of yourself and feel comfortable. you can exist peacefully as a woman and a trans man at the same time, if you want!

"man" and "woman" are not polar opposites that cancel each other out, they're just potential gender options, and it's totally okay if you experience both of these feelings. if you feel as though you've totally lost your feelings of womanhood forever, it sounds like you may have coped and healed from some internalized misogyny, and are ready to move on to the next step of your identity

it is okay to be scared of being a trans man. i was actually scared at first, too. when i realized that i was a trans man i felt very unsure of myself and like i must be wrong or like i was making a bad choice, or something like that. it took me a while of wrestling with it to come to terms with this part of myself, and that's okay. you're allowed to be scared right now, it sounds like you are very much in the middle of figuring things out, and that's okay

it can be hard to come out as a trans man, a lot of people don't even know we exist and that prospect can be scary. it's alright to have these fears at first, eventually, they will subside. for now, i would say maybe focus on the things that bring you joy about your experience with gender and try to focus on that. you will have ups and downs, but i wish you the best and hope that you have an easier time adjusting to this

if you need any help feel free to come again! thanks for stopping by, good luck!

[midnightlovestories]

Arguably, there are few things that we would call an indisputable canon in the Addams Family:

- they are close, loving and very supportive family unit - Gomez and Morticia are madly in love - they love all things macabre - they are not afraid of violence, death, dying, fighting etc. (Yes, yes I'm still salty about that bullshit swordfighting scene in Netflix's Wednesday)

And of course, Christina Ricci pretty much established what is perceived as canon for the character of Wednesday Addams.

Other than that? There's not much set in stone. Continuity? Please, TAF wouldn't know continuity if it stepped on it, things are all over freaking ship, so it's very likely that, as a fan, you will love some iterations of Addams Family and hate others, that is completely normal, not all content is created for you. Let's accept that.

At this point, with the success of Netflix Wednesday this fandom reached its, arguably, largest audience. Whether you hate or love the new show, is irrelevant - it's success is indisputable, and it brought a lot of new fans, often completely new generation of fans who will interact with the Addams Family in a completely new and different way than you or me or Jerry next door.

Does it irk you that creators and more and more fans focus on Morticia solely as a mother figure? Yeah, it irks me too, no really, it annoys the hell out of me but at the same time... it's my freaking problem not anyone else's, the least of all the new fans, and allow me to explain why:

How we react to any given character is deeply, deeply personal. We come to the show with our own, unique set of experiences and those experiences will largely inform which characters we're going to relate to and what those character will mean to us. It can be and, very very often is, completely irrelevant to canon.

So say, each iteration of Mortcia is slightly or even vastly different from the other but some people will inevitably see her as a surrogate mother figure (or Gomez and Morticia as dream parents, whatever) and there can be a number of reasons for that, maybe some folks just didn't have great parents, maybe they had no parents, maybe... whatever - it doesn't matter, they are allowed to see that character as parent figures even if others don't.

Do I see Morticia as a mother figure? Nope. Never did, never will, although she's a fantastic mother. To me personally, she was always a representation of bad ass, empowered femininity - a strong female role model. I adored her since I was about 6 or 8 years old but she was never a mother figure to me. I love how she's happy and content in her role as a wife and a mother - that's her thing, she adores her family and that's where her focus is and she's absolutely unapologetic about it.  She's like a really awesome, badass housewife, she's telling you to do you, irregardless what the current trends for women in society are, but especially, at the time when women were told to have it all blah blah blah, and being a housewife was all but frowned upon -  Morticia's like no thank you, fuck that shit (except those odd times when she wants to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade). And I always loved that, to me she exemplified the true meaning of feminism - the right to chose whatever the hell you want to do in life as a woman. Career woman? Go girl. Housewife? Awesome, if that's what makes you happy.

Where am I going with all this?

Bottom line, do you want to ship Wenclair - hon, ship them to your heart content if that's what brings you joy or helps you feel represented. Do you want to ship Gomez and Morticia ? - bless your little, tender heart, join the club! You want Morticia to be your surrogate mother - go ahead, enjoy! Do you want those characters to be the representation of your experience as a gay, trans, neurodivergent person? - baby, go for it. Especially if it helps you go through some really tough shit.

Yes, your personal fanon might disagree with mine, it might even piss me off - I might hate everything about it and secretely bitch about it to likeminded fandom members, and I do. I might hate your take on the Addams Family altogether - but remember! that's not your problem, it's mine. You do you, whoever you are.

[davekat-sucks]

Related to that anon who didn’t like trans Vriska, I’m okay with trans Vriska, even if I don’t share that headcanon, but its existence in pesterquest perplexes me.

I feel like it’s another case of projecting human customs on an alien race because how does gender even work for trolls? I can understand gender dysphoria and not feeling like you belong in your body, and troll sexual dimorphism exists… exclusively at the breasts. Female trolls have boobs and nipples, male trolls are flat chested.

So I guess Vriska’s ideal dreamself/ post transition body’s one difference is chest bumps.

This only is in matters of Vriska’s personal physical transition, another thing is social customs. Alternian gender roles are nonexistent. The nuclear family or any form of human household doesn’t exist, they’re bug-children raised by animals that dragged them out of a cave that they had to compete for survival in immediately after hatching.

All male and female trolls are soldiers when they reach 9 sweeps, the only difference in their job is how they cull their opponents.

So Vriska, being a troll, wouldn’t have to do anything to change her social behavior to be more accepted as her transitioned gender, respect only comes to her from her aggression and blood caste.

And Vriska has a complicated relationship where she feels bad for killing Tavros and feels empty even for all the customs of Alternian culture she follows (not feeling comfortable following societal norms or roles is a very trans thing) while also worshipping her ancestor and exerting her independent will, especially on others to maintain her position of power in the status quo (which is a very uh, politically Conservative thing)

Third is her ancestor. Vriska wanting to be her ideal “girl self” by looking up to mindfang seems like a really cool angle to do a trans story! Being uncomfortable with yourself and told down about who you are but you have this role model you want to be so badly and “wouldn’t it be cool if I was a girl” or something or other.

But the thing is mindfang is Vriska’s ancestor who is almost 100% genetically identical to Vriska. There are a few minor distinctions between Vriska and Aranea, but being a different sex would not be a minor generic difference, it’s a whole chromosome apart.

So either both Vriska and Aranea are cis women or both trans women who in each of their timelines looked up to their ancestor and transitioned to look more like them. If anyone headcanons the latter go ahead but I think I vibe more with the former.

Overall trans Vriska doesn’t work for me because people are imposing a human identity onto a bug person. Being transgender as a troll doesn’t work the way a trans human does. Mostly I can see trans Vriska being for a power fantasy of a confident cocky trans girl who knows who she is and is proud of it. Sure she kills people and manipulates her friends, but as many Briska apologists have said before: “she didn’t choose to be that way, she was forced to be a murdering psychopath by an empire of murdering psychopaths. Also she’s a minor.”

Mostly people pick and choose the parts of Vriska that are cool and punk over the manipulative and self-destructive parts of Vriska so trans female Vriska fans can feel empowered and independent.

People projecting onto Vriska, want that same confidence of being a badass bitch and being able to do whatever the fuck she wants. That's why they want the trans label slapped onto her. If a character that represents that has much pride, that means they can motivate themselves too with it. Same applies to any character. They can like the personality, actions, and motives...but if they aren't one-to-one in terms of appearance, for some reason, they can't relate. Like let's say someone looks up to Superman. They like his heroism, personality, lore, etc. But they feel uncomfortable to dress up as him because he is not white or Kryptonian. So instead, they blackwash so then they can get that boost of good feeling about themselves to enjoy the character again. And even if a dark skin character DOES exist within a series, they always get criticized for either A. being a stereotype even when they aren't most of the time or B. they aren't the main main fan fave popular character (ex: Stardust Crusaders has 6 members with one of them being a dark skinned character, but people prefer Jotaro or Kakyoin and would blackwash them instead). They can't realize they can be just like Spanish community that doesn't need Spanish rep and love Goku from Dragonball Z as he is. Light skinned Saiyan and all. That the characters don't have to be EXACTLY the same as the audience. When it comes to headcanons onto bad guys or villains, in this recent times, it's been a double-edged sword because if people slap that label onto some big bad, whether it is from the creator or fanon, they get accused of being something horrible because it is X minority doing a bad thing, so they are either racist/homophobia/etc. And if they don't get that label, they are still accuse of them as that and say that even minority groups can still be bad guys too. Nobody knows what the fuck they want anymore. Too many people play it too safe these days.

[nothorses]

I admire this blog as a trans guy because while I would love to speak out about this more than I already do and be louder and let my rage out.

I’m scared.

And a lot of other trans dudes are too and I know it isn’t fun to receive hate regularly so I’m thanking you personally for having this blog as a way to show me and other trans dudes that we aren’t alone and that our experiences matter.

Friend of mine keeps trying to make excuses as to why trans men are viewed as a toxic group and it’s just like. Why make excuses? There’s absolutely no excuse for transphobia. It made me feel sick so I came to look for positive stuff and to know others are as enraged as I am and agree with me makes me feel way better and not like the crazy aggressive transmasc that people think we all are.

Thank you so much for this ask, genuinely.

The most powerful thing any of us can do- and the easiest- is this. It's building community and connections with each other, making sure none of us feel alone, and encouraging and empowering each other to do more knowing that we all have each other's backs.

Even on anon on someone else's blog, I just hope you know that this ask is just and powerful as any of the (far less personal) stuff I write here. And I hope you inspire more folks to reach out to each other and share their own similar feelings, too.

💙