#then again I’ve got whole other triggers related to this subject specifically that might just. Be influencing this view in a biased way

[ratcandy]

Alright before I sign off for the night I just got something to say. Lil rant incoming.

A message to those who do not own arthropods (bugs, spiders, myriapods, etc) or gastropods (snails/slugs):

in a conversation with someone that DOES own a pet like that, or breeds them, or just generally cares passionately about arthropods, it’s not cool nor funny to say that you would willingly kill that persons pet if you saw it.

If you’re arachnophobic or entomophobic, that’s totally valid and understandable - those are very common fears! But to tell someone in casual conversation that you would not hesitate, even in jest, to kill their pet,,,, its not cool!! At least to me!! That just insults me! aside from how distraught the very thought of you killing my pet makes me, it just also tells me you care so little about my connection to an animal that you would figuratively spit in my face at my mention of it. Especially if you keep pressing and joking about it afterwards!! If I express discomfort over you talking about how effortlessly you’d squish my pet, it would be appreciated that you wouldn’t continue to talk about how great it would be if my critter was dead.

No I’m not talking about an experience in particular what do you mean /s /nbh

regardless. i dont care if it’s a bug, I feel like it should be basic human decency not to tell someone you’d stomp on a creature they’d care about.

i mean, it’s generally unacceptable for someone to come up to you and say they’d kick your dog or purposefully step on your cat’s tail, so whys it okay for someone to. Say they’d kill your pet. If that pet just happens to be a millipede or tarantula or mantis or whatever. I don’t understand

other arthropod owners feel free to elaborate. I’ve just had so many experiences telling friends “I own a millipede” only for them to follow up with “oh I’d kill that thing if I saw it.” Like. okay. Thanks? What am I meant to say to that honestly

[angsty-nerd]

Meta: Echo’s Big Fight in 3x09

Let's talk about the Big Echo fight. Because wandering around in the fandom this past week, I’ve seen a lot of very specific conclusions as far as what they were or weren't arguing about, and I’m not sure my take on that scene really aligns with other folks. So let me try to break it down a bit and give y’all an alternative perspective on it.

To start with, the scene opens with Max on edge because they're breaking and entering. Liz is singularly focused on the mission, and he's kinda freaking out. Instead of responding to his concerns, Liz gets straight to business.

"Ooh, ooh, this is interesting. Heath left Genoryx two days after I did. Must have realized he didn't need to be working underneath their corporate thumb."

Liz is kinda projecting here. Heath never once displayed any discomfort with Genoryx as a company the way that she did. He wanted her to stay. He wanted the resources there. We know these things as an audience, and Liz would too if she was thinking through the big picture at this point in time.

Max, on the other hand, doesn't know any of that. Here's what Max hears from Liz: he hears surprise. He hears Liz acknowledge that this is unexpected news. And right as he’s processing this unexpected reveal...Max sees Heath's Wild Pony t-shirt.

Weird coincidence #1 from Max's POV was Heath (the guy who is currently so pissed at Liz that he won't take her calls) supposedly rescuing Liz's science out of the good of his heart so that Genoryx doesn’t get their hands on it? This doesn't add up.

Weird coincidence #2 was Heath quitting Genoryx - a decision Heath made that Liz wasn't expecting.

The Wild Pony t-shirt is now the 3rd thing that doesn't add up. And if the t-shirt clue isn't adding up for you, see my post about it here:

The T-shirt is strike 3 for Max. He can't really pretend that he's not suspicious of Heath anymore. So he broaches the subject with her.

"How much do you know about this guy, Heath? How close were you?"

Max is feeling uncomfortable and looking for more information. He's trying to make the clue make sense. Why would Heath have the T-shirt? Does he have a connection to Roswell that Liz doesn't know about? And Liz doesn’t listen.

"This isn't the time to be jealous about a boy I met."

For all that Liz is clinical and on mission, she jumps very quickly to assuming that Max is NOT on mission. Yes, Max is inherently more emotional than she is. But throughout the episode he's been asking questions about Heath and NOT JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS. That's one of the keys to me here. Max really is trying to give her the benefit of the doubt about him.

At Liz's house, he asked about "the boyfriend" but he wasn't doing it in a jealous or judgy way. If anything it could almost be interpreted as concern. He started with "were you happy" and only when Liz kind of metaphorically admitted that any happiness was a façade...that's when he brought Heath into it. And yeah, Liz says that he impacted her life and helped her grow, but she didn't exactly express romantic feelings that would make Max jealous. So when she basically jumped straight to the jealousy assumption instead of actually discussing this with him, he starts getting worked up. Because she is not hearing him. She is not acknowledging that the facts they have found during this investigation are not adding up. So he is honest and blunt about what he's thinking.

"I'm just saying it's possible that he took your one-of-a-kind alien spores and quit, so that, just like you, he could use the research himself, free of Genoryx."

Max is the one who brings the science into this conversation. Not Liz. And he's not criticizing or questioning HER application of the science. He's questioning the trustworthiness of Heath. Because the lies are starting to jump out at him like a friggin’ neon light.

BUT — now that he's specifically brought up the science, he has her attention. Because Max questioning her science is HER sore spot. So what does she say back to him? Something kinda judgy.

"That grand trust speech certainly had a short shelf life."

Side note: I really don't think there actually was a "grand trust speech" in this episode. I can think of a few scenes where there might have been an opportunity for one. In particular during the milkshake scene when he admits to saving her tapes. But they actually don't talk about trust in that scene. They talk about having hard conversations. They talk about moving forward instead of looking backwards. But they don't talk about trust. My guess is that there might have been content cut for time at some point in this episode, that may have included some grand declaration from Max, but that's really just speculation on my part.

Regardless…Liz's response to Max bringing up the science is to basically accuse him of not trusting her. Which is not what he was saying. He was not questioning her use of the science. He was questioning her trust in Heath through the context of her science. So he elaborates on what he IS saying, and as he does, he's getting more and more worked up...because this does relate directly to his personal fears, and, frankly, his buried trauma that he's never properly addressed.

"I trust you. Okay? But I don't trust some guy I have barely met with a secret that could endanger me, could endanger my family and break the frickin' Internet if it came out."

Max doesn't know Heath, and he doesn't trust Heath with a secret that could endanger Michael and Isobel. His emotions are escalating, because now he's thinking about the science that scares him in the hands of a guy that all signs points to being potentially untrustworthy, and he's triggered.

BUT he doesn't back up his argument. He doesn't point out the very specific evidence he's identified that Heath is probably lying to Liz.

And Liz is inherently reactive and sometimes overly defensive (see 1x09 list of Liz's flaws). So even though he's focused on Heath, she immediately reacts defensively and takes it as a criticism of HER.

"You think I would let myself be conned?"

"No, I think you came out here looking for a partner, and it could blind you."

*deep breath* and this is where it starts to get personal. And rough. Max isn't entirely wrong here. But he also kind of is. Liz didn't choose Genoryx for partnership. She was looking for resources, freedom to do the science she wanted to do, and to save her father from deportation.

But partnership? Yeah, Liz wanted that. But she wanted that from MAX. She was looking for partnership in life, not in science.

And now that Max has thrown that direct criticism out there, Liz is going to throw a bomb right back at him.

"Just because you sabotaged me when I thought you were mine does not mean that Heath would take the same path."

Ouch. This is the hardest line in this whole scene for me to work with. Because it is combative. And purposefully hurtful.

BUT…she is NOT TALKING ABOUT HER SCIENCE. She has not said a single word about her science in this argument. She moved past that. She had the epiphany that she was wrong and she apologized (3x03). That is in the past for her.

This argument, for Liz, is about betrayal. This is about her believing that they were going to be partners and move their lives forward together (2x12), and right when she believed in that future, Max made another massive decision that directly impacted her life (just like he did in 1x13) instead of working with her to make big decisions together.

"And just because you changed the wallpaper doesn't mean you've mended your blind spots."

I really hate this "change the wallpaper" line. It feels like they're mixing metaphors. Liz called her life a commercial. Max is saying that she's changed her decor. Like...pick one and stick with it.

That aside… I think this barb is about her arrogance. Earlier in the scene, she seemed baffled at the idea that Max believes she could have been conned by Heath, because Liz is used to always being the smartest person in the room. She thought she was smarter than Diego and he figured her out. She believed her lab was secure, but Diego (possibly) got in. Sometimes, like most scientists, Liz is so bogged down in the complicated, brilliant details she’s thinking through, that she misses simple things that contribute to the big picture. And I think that's what Max is getting at here. In her arrogance, she believes that she can control the Heath situation. But she's not acknowledging the human factor here - that Heath is a person who may have his own unspoken ulterior motives driving him. Just like Diego did. She's just not seeing what Max is seeing.

BUT - again I'll say. Max is also not communicating the scope of the evidence he is collecting. They're both wrong here.

"I have learned my lessons, but you... oh, my God, you sound an awful lot like the guy who blew up my lab. So forgive me, but you're making it perfectly clear why I felt like I had to go and change the wallpaper."

This is the only line where Liz even comes close to talking about her science, but again, she's talking about his betrayal. She's talking about him undermining their partnership. She's talking about her need for a change of scenery from HIM.

And that’s when Max blows out the safe and they put the fight on hold to finish their investigation.

But, to sum it up…the fight was all about trust and betrayal. It was necessary for them to work through it, though frankly? I wish they could have finished the discussion. Because instead of them coming to some sort of peace with their trust in each other, the truth came out about Heath, Liz realized that she was wrong, she apologized, and they moved forward together, on mission.

I can’t help pointing out though…after the fight and Liz's epiphany about Heath, Max and Liz spent at least 15 hours in a car together. And I'm sorry, I refuse to believe that they didn't talk about anything important for 15 hours. Fic writers assemble? 😆

Many thanks to @ober-affen-geil for doing a quick review and checking me on opinions vs facts. Very important.

And for my next trick… road trips, life choices, and Robert Frost! Coming soon to a Tumblr near you…

[fanfictiondreamscape]

To Grab the Gold

Request: Could you maybe do a yurio x reader where the reader is a skater in the girls league at the same level as him. And though she almost always wins gold like her brother victor she’s always hard on herself saying she could do better. Either headcanons of how he would handle it or a Scenario please and thank you!!!!! Love work by the way!!!!!!!

Title: To Grab the Gold 

Genre: fluffy, strays a lil into angst-y territory (but it should be fairly short)

Pairing: Yuri Plisetsky x Fem!reader

Notes: Okay, so thank you for this request! I’ve always wanted to write something about the reader being a sibling of Victor or someone, so this gave me the prime idea! 

Otherwise, I feel as if I can relate to this idea in itself - being hard on yourself. It can literally be seen on this blog. It’s so nice and it makes me so happy to see that people enjoy the work I put out. So, I will thank you for that. 

That said, I went with headcanons. Small warning, though: 

These ideas will stray into territory that can be triggering. I would give it a specific label, but it is simply amplified insecurities, so if you deal with that - please proceed with caution. 

KEY: (Yuri = Plisetsky, Yuuri = Katsuki)

Below the cut! 

we have to cover this before anything else is said:

the figure skating world is brutal.

with that in mind, seeing as you had managed to jump the ranks as quickly as you did, people knew you as a formidable competitor. 

yuri in particular knew how fierce of a competitor you were, seeing as he had trained with you and your brother victor under yakov for as long as he remembers.

so yes, while you two did grow up beside each other, you never really talked to anyone besides yakov, victor, and mila (from time to time) 

in short, you two barely knew each other despite growing beside each other. 

funny occurrence when you consider that he was of the few that knew of your habits when skating.

in similar fashion to your brother, you were almost a natural on the ice, and the way that you moved even off the ice was graceful yet intimidating. 

it frankly shocked the other people competing against you in the senior division in which you debuted.

yuri was beside you the whole way.

literally.

when victor had made the claim that he was going to coach yuuri katsuki, he had suggested that you join him and train under him for the year. 

you reluctantly agreed, though you also avoided saying anything to yakov as you weren’t as straightforward and recklessly fearless as victor is. 

that said, yuri was a little disappointed and jealous.

he knew it was baseless, you were victor’s younger sibling, after all

what right did he have to keep you here?

what really bothered yuri was the fact that victor had made him a promise. 

and he intended to make sure he kept it. 

so when he showed up at the local ice rink out of the blue, you were left jaw-on-the-floor. 

were you really surrounded by people that were purely impulse and nothing else? 

you didn’t let the event prevent you from working on your senior debut pieces, though.

while yuri and yuuri were being coached by victor, it was only when they were done for the day that victor stood by and helped you with your senior debut. 

you already had high expectations, after all - if you couldn’t hold up, what would happen? 

you and yuri are the best new entries, so if either of you couldn’t hold up, what would go down if victor decided to quit coaching for competing in the next season and you had to go back to yakov?

what about if you had failed to grab even silver in your debut?

you knew you could do it, and you wanted the satisfaction that came with the draping of the medal around your neck, standing on the highest pedastal on the winner’s platform.

at least, that’s what you were trying to convince yourself to do. 

you had been trying and failing to do an even more advanced jump than what you usually did.

and you wanted to use it in one of your routines

but the best you could do was the mount. 

your landing was flawed at best, and a wipeout at worst. 

it was starting to get to you.

many things swung around in your head.

‘is it my weight? is it being distributed incorrectly or did you just gain some?’

‘maybe it could be the routine itself. is it good enough to shock a crowd and win the gold?’

‘or, maybe, it’s just the fact that victor wasn’t able to focus and help you when you needed it most?’

the ideals that had been drilled into your head differed greatly from victor’s 

and the fact that you had the expectation to live up to his abilities was starting to get to you for once.

normally, you’d just brush it off, but your competitive nature kicked into full gear and you felt the overwhelming need to avoid disappointing and losing.

you loved the feeling it brought to you. what else was there to say? 

that, and you knew how victor could get when he had expectations. 

just because you’re his family, doesn’t mean that you are exempt from his expectations of nikiforov gold. 

which is why you worked your ass off. 

you lost weight in favor of toning, you made sure to reach the rink before and after the three males entered and left.

more often than not, you would be eating a meal in your designated room in at the hot springs later at night, after your daily workout. 

the new jump that you had been trying to accomplish was barely coming along

your routines were starting to slack.

you didn’t know what was going on, as things like this were normal, but they never reached this extent.

either way, you worked and worked and worked.

eventually, you had begun to skip dinner

you had begun to lose sleep 

you had started to pass out at random times.

despite how much you tried to hide it and play it off as if everything was normal, everyone that saw you could tell that wasn’t the case by any means. 

yuuri was trying to get you to stop and relax, but in your work-induced mindset led to you lashing out at him. no matter what he did, nothing worked. 

yuri and victor had been aiming to get you to relax and stop working as well, but even they knew that you wouldn’t do that unless some more powerful entity forced you to.

that, and the sheer amount of disappointment that had started to rain over your being was starting to transform into anger. 

you were beginning to have outbursts, your were beginning to perform as if you were a simple novice.

you were beginning to look as if you were going to fall apart after a single breath. 

you failed to realize and care about your wellbeing until you wiped out on the ice and couldn’t get back up. 

you were lucky that yuri had stayed back to get something he forgot, otherwise you might’ve been stuck there all night. 

which is why you had to face the music and realize that this wasn’t the way to go about it. 

he had made quick succession in making sure that you were okay as soon as he was exiting the rink and saw you passed out on the ice. 

he panicked, frankly, but he made sure to get you off the ice and on a bench before calling yuuko over to tell her to call victor.

everything was moving fast, and he swore he could feel his heart racing in his ears as he saw you still on surface.

you looked pale, a weird mix of purple-blue and green, and the image left him speechless.

victor and yuuri rushed over to the rink as soon as they could, and when yuuri saw you his jaw fell to the floor

victor, on the other hand, ran to your side and picked you up.

he was able to notice the way you fell limp.

long story short, you looked dead.

it scared him senseless, and yuri could understand the sentiment. 

over the time that he had spent in Japan, he had grown to appreciate the amount of work that you had put forth to succeed.

sadly, even he didn’t know that you would push yourself to this extent.

and he now knew why he became even more drawn to you.

you took pride in your abilities, but he never knew that you pushed yourself this far to achieve whatever goal you had set for yourself.

this event was what forced him to become aware of his feelings for you. 

he could now realize why he always watched you, mesmerized at the way you carried yourself.

and he now understood why he wanted to make you feel safe.

after you were taken to the hot springs and taken care of, victor and yuri stayed by your side as you were still unconscious.

a warm towel was resting on your forehead and you were covered with a blanket. 

for extra measures, they had even kept a small heater beside you to make sure that you didn’t freeze while resting. 

“yuri, can i ask you something?”

“ah- what is it. victor?”

“if she decides to go back to yakov, watch over her for me.”

“...”

“i can tell. she has taken a liking to you, and i know you have taken one to her.”

“...”

“she trusts you, yuri. and after this, i fear that this could happen again, so please. make sure she takes a break.”

“...i promise, victor.”

“...thank you, yuri.”

victor left after that, patting yuri on the back 

(he wondered what he failed to notice, despite his overprotective nature when it came to you.)

yuri sat there, overnight and into the next morning.

yuuri and victor came in to check on you, brought him breakfast, but everything the next day seemed to slow down.

eventually, you woke up, but you were lost. you were even more disappointed than you were before. 

if you needed the cloth on your head changed out, yuri did it.

if you needed the heater turned on, he did it.

if you needed literally anything, he did it or got it for you. 

otherwise, he’d just be silent and act as a safespace for you if you ever needed it.

similarly to how he might handle insecurities that you may have, he would be very careful with the subject.

he’d be a little awkward, though he’d power through for your sake. 

after a few days of just relaxing and stretching, doing some light exercises (and i mean E X T R E M E L Y light exercises), he’d do some slight skating with you to calm you down.

if you wanted to see something from him on the ice, he’d do it for you.

hell, he even did his developing competition piece for you so you could have entertainment in analyzing his technique and ability.

he loved seeing the way your face would light up when you would watch him perform.

eventually, the time passed by.

you came to realize yuri plisetsky as himself completely, aside from just facing the persona that he projected to the media, people he worked aside, and to his fans. 

it made you realize what you had been feeling the whole time. 

you had been put on light work by victor, as he didn’t want to see this happen to you again, so weeks had passed before you went through your intense debut routines. 

it was only on the night that the competition for who victor would coach came up that you were able to go through even a snippet of it. 

yuri, following his loss, was distraught.

he still powered through the night, though. 

when you saw him after the event, you asked him to join you on the ice.

you had a speaker set up on the edge of the rink, playing some lofi music to make sure the mood had stayed calm.

you two just skated around, no real reason as to why except to settle from the day.

“hey, yuri.”

“hmm?”

“you were amazing. as usual, but...”

“...but?”

“...i wanted to thank you.”

he stayed silent to let you continue, but you knew that he was listening. his skating had ceased just the slightest as he had been slightly ahead of you in the rink.

“i...i made a stupid mistake by failing to pay attention to my health, and i wanted to thank you for helping me.”

the silence that followed was comfortable, and as the both of you were very hesitant to say what loomed over your hearts, you were both already aware of what the both of you did meant.

‘i love you.’

the rest of the time in the rink was passed by you and him holding hands and making rounds around the rink 

he even slipped some fancy ballroom moves in, making you flush and laugh. he did the same alongside you.

the next day, there was something melancholy in the air.

and even though you had told him that you wouldn’t be returning to yakov for the season, you did emphasize that you wanted to continue talking to him. 

“hey, yurio!”

“how many times do i- don’t call me yurio!”

“not gonna happen. either way, before you leave, promise me something?”

“what is it?” (it was gentle, and the scene made victor, yuuri, and yuuko gush)

“i better see you on that pedastal kissing that gold medal, plitsetsky.”

“only if i see you up there as well. though you better be careful, or i am going to ignore it.”

“got it, got it. now...promise me?”

“i promise.”

[alleyskywalker]

Ok for the ship pros and cons, completely random: Tyvolio, Romercutio, Rombalt and R/J <3

Tyvolio

Pros:

Enemies to lovers and this version is compatible with Romercutio ;)

I’ve enjoyed your commentary on like how they’re kinda parallels and foils at the same time - their personalities make them opposites and the feud fuels that, but there are similarities in like...their position relative to their families and stuff. I think those can be interesting dynamics to explore in a ship on the meta side.

Ok so Benvolio canonically has/had a dog, so we can assume he’s a dog person. And it’s pretty accepted that Tybalt is a cat person...can you imagine them moving in together with their respective pets and the pets do...the stereotypical cats-and-dogs thing? xD IDK this is really stupid but I find it funny.

Cons:

Subjective con, but basically neither of them are characters I’m very invested in in their individual capacity.

I like...really struggle to imagine how this would actually work? Like the emotional logic? How would they even go about falling in love? I’m cool with the ship like in theory, but I have a really hard time to imagining how the getting together/falling in love part would work.

Rombalt

Pros:

Enemies to lovers with a character I care about lol. Also a true Opposites Attract (TM).

I mean, if we’re gonna have an R/J type story, we just as might make it gay.

This one is a lot easier for me to imagine that Tyvolio bc... Well, Romeo is just Soft and is canonically willing to give Tybalt the benefit of the doubt (and frankly, probably would even without the Juliet thing). And because it’s a true opposites attract type thing, I can see Romeo winning Tybalt over by just being a sweetheart, even if it would take time and some external circumstances. I feel like Romeo is smol in a way Benvolio isn’t and that would trigger Tybalt’s protective instincts, etc.

(Ok also...Tybalt knows Romeo at the party by the sound of his voice. Who knows people they don’t regularly hang out/talk with by how their voice sounds unless they’re some obsession going on there?)

I kinda like a tropey slash ship of Dark Cynical and Dangerous/Sweet Smol Boi from time to time.  (Even better that there’s a Twist because Romeo can actually be hella snarky. I mean he keeps up with Mercutio no problem.) I mean is it a bit Beauty and the Beast? Yea... Do I still enjoy it now and again with the right ship? Unfortunately, also yes.

The potential for this to become Romtycutio, which to me, is an OT3 inferior only to the Montacrew OT3.

Cons:

Given that Tybalt’s reaction to Romeo in canon is Murder makes the whole thing a little suspect? Like I can see this going/being very dark very easily. And I respect the dark!fic crowd but it’s not really my thing for ships.

Romeo Deserves Better

Romeo/Juliet

Pros:

It can be cute? Like I can certainly imagine that if they got to know each other and had a relationship it could have worked out very well.

A het ship where the guy is very specifically coded as having more feminine feelings/reactions about it.

Cons:

I’m sorry but Love At First Sight is a trope I gag at (and find entirely unrealistic and, frankly, boring).

We don’t really get to see their relationship? We don’t get to see how/why they work together? We get little glimpses, but I always feel like the “understand each other immediately” is more headcanons than canon. (Granted, they vibe well with banter at the party and stuff.)

Related to everything above, it just feels like it’s about lust. Like we’re TOLD it’s about love but Romeo constantly sighing over how beautiful she is and Juliet being explicitly horny as she waits for Romeo...Like, you two just really wanna fuck. And yea that’s normal, they’re teenagers. But like...I don’t care.

Romercutio

Pros:

Best friends to lovers!

Loyalty kink!

I’m not saying that one person has to die for the other for it to be romantic or anything...but self-sacrifice can easily hit an id sweet spot for me.

Opposites Attract in a lot of ways but like...in a somewhat more normal/realistic way than Rombalt.

Banter! Their banter is so cute!

And they are so clearly on each other’s wavelength and know each other and each other’s boundaries so well. I have no idea how people read the banter in Act 2 Scene 4 and interpret it as...a legitimate argument or something? It’s so clearly banter and banter they’re both delighted with. It’s nearly incomprehensible and I’ve seen different interpretations in different editions’ line notes, which is likely just a factor of reliance on slang and cultural references which have to some extent been lost, but I like to think (headcanon?) it also being a matter of them having way too many inside jokes. But it definitely that connection where the two people say ostensibly mean or offensive things to each other but they’re actually not mean or offensive because they’re so tuned into each other that none of it crosses a line or is interpreted as anything other than joking around.

They just generally feel very compatible to me, all things considered. AND their chemistry on the page is through the roof.

This dynamic has similar vibes to the whole Prince and His Knight thing I talked about with Danatole, even if technically it isn’t, since they’re likely social equals more or less.

There’s a lot of potential for BOTH softness and fluff and adoration AND drama and interpersonal conflict and stuff. This ship is so versatile.

While this is also a con, as we will see below, there is a certain high romantic potential to the story of the faithful unrequited love for a friend, who is too oblivious to Realize, that ends in sacrifice and tragedy. it’s sad but...it’s very emotionally compelling to me.

The UST could be so delicious.

And honestly, I don’t see a case for a reading of the play as having Mercutio-is-gay subtext without also reading it as having Mercutio-is-pining-for-Romeo subtext.

Cons:

Oof the canon...it does come off very one-sided. Like at absolute best, Romeo’s feelings would have to be very suppressed. And while I’m not one of those assholes who’s out here implying that unrequited love is somehow less love than requited love, it’s just so terribly sad :( And you have to work around the canon het and stuff to get them together in fic, basically needing an AU. Unless, I guess, it’s a were-together-then-broke-up situation which is EVEN SADDER NO. And they don’t really come off as exes to me (while Tycutio does).

[selkiewife]

@the-king-andthe-lionheart​, thanks for your questions and comments! It was easier for me to create whole new post because this got long, so I’ll respond to your questions on my post here.

cw/tw: This post contains description of rape and sexual assault, and discussion of seizures.

First, it’s important for me to reiterate that even if Sansa is not being triggered, she still has every right to reject unwanted touch from Sweetrobin.

But the reason I got the impression that Sansa was being triggered by the touching of her breasts is because she has experienced sexual trauma related to her breasts being touched or exposed at least three times before Sweetrobin nuzzles her there. First, as Joffrey is having her beaten in front of the court, he orders Boros to strip her naked:

Boros shoved a meaty hand down the front of Sansa's bodice and gave a hard yank. The silk came tearing away, baring her to the waist. Sansa covered her breasts with her hands. She could hear sniggers, far off and cruel. "Beat her bloody," Joffrey said...

On her forced wedding night she is asked to strip again:

She kept her eyes on the floor, too shy to look at him, but when she was done she glanced up and found him staring. There was hunger in his green eye, it seemed to her, and fury in the black. Sansa did not know which scared her more." You're a child," he said. She covered her breasts with her hands. "I've flowered."

Then when she is told to get into bed:

She had started to pull up a blanket to cover herself when she heard him say, "No." The cold made her shiver, but she obeyed. Her eyes closed, and she waited. After a moment she heard the sound of her husband pulling off his boots, and the rustle of clothing as he undressed himself. When he hopped up on the bed and put his hand on her breast, Sansa could not help but shudder. She lay with her eyes closed, every muscle tense, dreading what might come next. 

Then after she has escaped King’s Landing with Little Finger, Marillion, the singer, attempts to rape her. 

Sansa jerked away from him, frightened. "If you don't leave me, my au—my father will hang you. Lord Petyr."

"Littlefinger?" He chuckled. "Lady Lysa loves me well, and I am Lord Robert's favorite. If your father offends me, I will destroy him with a verse." He put a hand on her breast, and squeezed. "Let's get you out of these wet clothes. You wouldn't want them ripped, I know."

So when Sweetrobin climbs into her bed and nuzzles against her breast, I do think that it triggers her. As she describes:

She would not have minded if he only slept, but he was always trying to nuzzle at her breasts.

We understand why he is doing it and so does Sansa- even though he is eight, he’s still weaning since Lysa was still breastfeeding him and she died so suddenly. Sansa knows he is only looking for comfort. But at the age of thirteen, Sansa has already had three traumatic incidents related to unwanted touching or displaying of her breasts (two of which happened when she was only twelve.)

TWOW Spoilers: It sickens me just talking about this as well, but Arya is also groped at the age of eleven in the Mercy chapter of TWOW. So I completely agree with you that Arya is going through the same kind of abuse and traumas as her sister. At the time she cares for Weasel, I don’t think she has been touched in this way (I may be wrong.) But even if she wasn’t and didn’t have any sort of trigger, I would still not judge Arya to be “unmotherly” or lacking compassion if she rejected a touch from Weasel there or anywhere else on her body.

Speaking of Weasel, I did not say that Arya’s situation was any less traumatic than Sansa. And I totally agree, Arya is on the run, starving, traumatized, and hunted. I also did not intend to say Weasel herself was any less traumatized than Sweetrobin. I do believe that it is kind of ridiculous to compare traumas anyway and obviously it is just not right to do that. However I do think that Sweetrobin may be more difficult to care for than Weasel at baseline. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t have thought to compare which child was harder. But it was Sansa’s care of Sweetrobin that was being called into question, not Arya’s. So I did start to compare how difficult each child would be to care for when thinking about why Sansa reacts to Sweetrobin the way she does sometimes. 

So it was intentional when I said that I think Sweetrobin is arguably harder to care for than Weasel, just objectively speaking, for a number of reasons. I also said arguably, because you could argue the opposite- that Weasel is harder. Or say they are equally hard. I mean, Weasel is tough to deal with as well. She cried so much she was called “the crying girl” before she got the nickname Weasel and she even kicked Hot Pie once I think. And she also has that habit of eating mud. And even Gendry complained that she was slowing them down (Isn’t it interesting how the fandom never calls Gendry’s fathering skills into question even though he would have willingly abandoned a traumatized child?) 

But one reason that I personally think that Weasel is easier to care for is because she is more likable than Sweetrobin and less demanding. Although this may be just my own feelings as a reader (which are subjective), Weasel was endearing to me immediately in a way that I didn’t feel with Sweetrobin at first. Now I know that might sound harsh, but I think that GRRM writes Sweetrobin to be off-putting purposely and I will explain why later. He does that with a lot of characters. Sansa for one, but also Theon, Jaime etc... there are a lot of characters in asoiaf that you are set up to dislike at first, before coming to understand and root for them later. I think Sweetrobin is one of those characters. And I think Sansa feels similarly toward him- gradually bonding with him instead of instantaneously. 

And we know Arya seems to like Weasel immediately. She even chooses “Weasel” as one of her aliases later in her arc and she tends to pick names of people she loves. I also think Weasel and Arya have a lot in common. They are both resilient, traumatized little girls on the run you know? I loved that out of the whole group they were the only ones unafraid to eat bugs when they were starving (these poor children!) And so, I feel like Arya could identify with her in a lot of ways.

Whereas I think that Sansa takes longer to bond with Sweetrobin because it is more complicated with him for a couple of reasons. For one, even before the trauma, Lysa has been raising Sweetrobin to be a spoiled brat. He is also emotionally stunted as a result of the way Lysa has kept him isolated and coddled. And even though I don’t think that Sweetrobin really understands what is happening when he is so gleeful about making people “fly” through the moon door- it’s still a little chilling and off putting. 

A specific reason that I think Sansa doesn’t immediately warm to him is that even before she meets him, Lysa intends for them to wed each other. Sansa has just left a traumatizing marriage into the Lannister family and the last thing she wants is another forced marriage right now. As Lysa instructs her:

“He likes to play hopfrog and spin-the-sword and come-into-my-castle, but you must always let him win. That's only proper, don't you think? He is the Lord of the Eyrie, after all, you must never forget that... My son will have a grateful and obedient wife.”

Sweetrobin, at first, symbolizes another unwanted, forced marriage to Sansa. So she might have an initial aversion to him just because of this. And I stand by my original assessment that this does make the situation with Sweetrobin more fucked up than Weasel. Weasel represents a frightened, traumatized child to Arya. Whereas Sweetrobin represents a traumatized child as well, but also a possible future husband that Sansa would have to be “grateful and obedient” to. Of course that changes once Lysa dies- but it is still the way she was introduced to him. And Robert still talks about marrying her in TWOW. We know that it is just a sweet crush from a little boy- but again, even the sweet things he does is sometimes off putting to Sansa because it is related to her trauma. Not to mention the fact that she is only caring for him because his mother tried to murder her. And she is dealing with misplaced guilt since Baelish ended up murdering Lysa after that incident. So Sweetrobin is intricately linked with her trauma.

And then his behavior in general is tough to deal with. None of it is his fault, but it still tough nonetheless. He is given to temper tantrums, throwing his chamber pot and bowls of food at people, and he is very petulant- and this was part of his character even before Lysa was murdered. He kind of reminds me of Colin from The Secret Garden. Like, it’s not his fault he is a spoiled brat, but he does start out like that.

He also has health issues and seizures. Obviously this is not his fault, but Sansa doesn’t have the necessary training to deal with his seizures or know the appropriate thing to do when he is having them. Sansa gives him sweetsleep so that he doesn’t have a seizure on the way down the mountain. As you said, she has no idea it could lead to his death and the side effects seem to be way less of a threat than him having a seizure and falling to his death. She is not a maester and doesn’t know the true effects of what she thinks is a medicine. Maester Coleman is the one who knows how harmful it is. And as the actual adult in the situation, he should either clearly tell her “hey, this will kill him,” or intervene himself. 

She has also been injured while trying to help him during a seizure:

Alayne turned to soothe the little lordling, but too late. The fit was on him. A pitcher of milk went flying as his hand caught it, flailing. When he tried to rise he knocked his chair backwards and fell on top of it. One foot caught Alayne in the belly, so hard it knocked the wind from her. 

And it’s worth mentioning that she never complains specifically about these incidents because she knows it is not his fault at all. That is it just part of his illness. She never complains about him at all actually to his face or to others- she is always sweet and soothing. The only reason we know of her frustrations at all is because we can read her thoughts. Which is similar to Arya who is bothered by Weasel’s crying as well but always defends her against the others who are complaining. 

But I think that Sweetrobin is purposely set up to be a difficult child to care for- because, as I said in the original post, Sansa is on a learning arc. She is learning to care for him (And I think she does an excellent job, personally.) Whereas, Arya’s relationship with Weasel is set up to reveal her compassion, her leadership skills, and ability to stand up for people (like when Gendry wants to leave Weasel behind.)

I agree with you that Sansa represses a lot of Little Finger’s machinations due to her trauma. But I don’t think she knows that Sweetrobin is being poisoned. I think she buys Little Finger’s story that Robert will die because of his health issues. And even then, I think she hopes for the best. Why else would she want to make him stronger and brave? Why else would she hope for a kind wife for him one day, if she was knowingly poisoning him? It doesn’t make sense. But I do think that GRRM leaves some things purposely vague so that it creates suspense. Will she realize he is being poisoned in time? If she does, will she try to save him? I think she will but that is probably one of the reasons he made Sweetrobin so difficult for Sansa specifically. To plant that seed of doubt in the reader. Like we know Arya would do anything to save Weasel. That’s a no brainer. But would Sansa save Sweetrobin? I think yes, and I will write a longer post about this at some point. But regardless, her initial complicated feelings toward him does serve to create narrative suspense.

Anyway, thanks for the questions and sorry that my explanation got so long. I hope you don’t take what I said, comparing Sweetrobin to Weasel, as me saying anything bad against Arya. It breaks my heart when I think of the trauma she has survived and is currently going through as well. And there are definitely many situations where she is dealing with things that are objectively harder than Sansa as well. And like I said, this is just my opinion of the two different childcare plots. 

And also, this may be controversial, but I think Arya absolutely did the right thing when she slapped Weasel to get her to move out of the battle. She needed to do whatever she could as a ten year old child trying to save a toddler’s life! Like seriously, if I were Weasel’s mother I would never be like “why did you slap my child?” I’d be like, "thank you for saving my child!” But like I said, I probably wouldn’t even have tried to compare the difficulty of the two situations had it not been for the initial comparison in the discourse. 

[onegirlatelier]

Enzyme Kinetics Socks, October 2019

A lot of things have happened since I last posted, most of them related to my start at university. After a productive but rather self-directed gap year, the sudden increase in workload was a bit of a shock to the system. With the academic pressure came the confusion about how to manage the ‘making’ side of my life. I have always considered sewing and knitting as the greatest passion of my life but never a career choice, so for a good while I had managed to keep academic work and dressmaking apart. However, one week after I started uni, the depth of knowledge I was required to ‘master’ (as worded in my course handbook) disrupted the uneasy balance. The doubts came back and I wondered again whether I had just made the huge mistake of choosing medicine over dressmaking.

The trigger? Enzymes. Our lecturer prepared a 54-slide handout and squeezed the entire topic into a one-hour lecture, and I lost track after the first five minutes. The panic level spiked like the oxygen affinity curve on haemoglobin cooperativity diagram.

We only get set essays on very specific topics and have plenty of time to look at them, so plenty of time to procrastinate. I was so scared I didn’t touch the subject for a whole week.

Then at some point I decided that no. I need to stop being scared. It wasn’t the actual difficulty of enzyme kinetics, but the worry inside me, that was stopping me from learning what I was here to learn.

So I had a good night’s sleep, got up, kept myself in my room an entire afternoon and then an entire evening, and the next day I found myself using the Michaelis-Menten equation just as how I expected to.

Next Saturday, I was sitting in a college seminar room and knitting the second of what happened to be my first pair of hand-knitted socks. There were mistakes but nothing too serious, and they ended up perfectly wearable.

I don’t want to use the word ‘equilibrium’ because that means the completion of the reaction…So here’s to instability!

Yarn

West Yorkshire Spinners ColourLab DK, 100% British wool, 4ply, 225m/100g.

Colour way: Summer Pinks. The colours are displayed fairly well in pictures here.

I don’t have a scale with me, so I have no idea how much yarn I have used—but I feel that a third sock or a hairband should be no problem.

(Update: my socks weigh 34~35g each, so 70g in total. Leftover yarn weighs 29g.)

Pro: A very standard self-striping yarn in good quality. 100% wool but still machine-washable, which is good for socks. The thickness is consistent with a tight ply. It doesn’t smell particularly woolly, but there’s no eek smell of chemicals either. WYS is involved in The Campaign For Wool.

Con: The yarn is more on the rustic side, so it’s a bit prickly, though I personally find it just fine. (I’m talking about it in the Wear & Tear section below.) There’s no information on their website specifying the wool-processing method. I have to assume some sort of not-so-environmentally friendly method is used.

  Pattern

So Simple Sport Socks by Glenna C. The pattern is very simple but it is written for three-needle knitting method only. I had to convert it into a pattern for magic loop method. It’s a free pattern, but there is an awful lot of mistakes. I am the oddball who knits her first pair of socks after quite a few large and complex projects, so it wasn’t too difficult to decipher the pattern, but I wouldn’t recommend it to beginners.

  Needle

I used a 2.75cm circular needle. My gauge: 25sts per 10cm.

  Modification

As with almost all my projects, I changed the stitch count instead of trying to get the same gauge as instructed in the pattern.

I casted on 53 stitches and improvised from there. For the slip stitch heel, I had 27sts for top of the foot and 26sts for the heel flap. Then I increased to 28sts on the first row of heel flap for more space because sometimes I put a tiny pad on my Achilles tendon as a cushion, or a plaster if I already had a blister.

After I turned the heel, 17sts remained on the heel flap. I picked up 14sts on each side of the heel flap and made one extra stitch between heel flap and top of the foot. So when I joined top of the foot and the heel, the stitch count for the round was 74.

When decreasing after making the heel, I was supposed to decrease two sts every other round. But my brain was dead when I knitted this section of my first sock and I decreased every round instead. It was a much steeper decrease and I managed to decrease to 52 sts in 11 rounds instead of 22. An entire 11 rounds missing! I know it made the foot arch tighter than it should be, but after trying it on my foot, it didn’t seem to mind so I went on and replicated the mistake in the other sock!

I did 3*1 ribbing on the entire medial half of the sock instead of just the top of the foot, so that it sat snugly against my arch.

When decreasing for toe part, I did asymmetric toes shaping. Instead of decreasing four sts every other round, I decreased six sts on the lateral part for every two sts on the medial part. Another mistake: I continued the ribbing pattern for a few rows after starting to decrease for toes. It made the toe part stretchier, which was nice, but aesthetically I would prefer to stop the ribbing as I start the toe decreases.

I used three-needle bind off to finish the last 20 sts.

Wear & Tear

So far, I’ve only wore these socks for one day. I visited a museum, did some shopping, and went to a restaurant for dinner. The socks were scratchy in the first few moments, as experienced by many knitters who worked with this yarn, but then my feet got used to them and were all comfy and warm. Thanks to dancing my feet are sensitive to touch but not to pain or other unpleasant feelings, which is great for me as a sock knitter.

I can see clear signs of wear on the heels and toes, but I suppose that’s to be expected and it couldn’t get much worse. I work my feet a lot even during everyday activities (even when I’m sitting, yes), so that might contribute to the wear after only one day. Somehow the way I walk or my feet are shaped put a lot of rubbing on the Achilles tendon part of my feet, so I’m hoping that the slip stitches hold well. I’m happy to mend my socks if needed.

  Further considerations

As mentioned, I missed an entire 11 rows when decreasing for the arch, but my feet don’t seem to sense any discomfort because of this. The ribbing pattern is stretched a bit more on the arch then on the other parts, though. Still, I am curious to see what would happen if I indeed follow the pattern.

I had never worn 100% wool socks before—it was always cotton ones or store-bought wool and polyamide combination. But now that I have, there is no doubt which fibre I prefer! Wool keeps my feet warm without the cold sweat. I have a number of other projects planned at the moment, but every day the English weather nudges me to knit more socks.

[lilacbombs]

3 and 15!

3. list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with- OOF that’s… impossible considering how much stuff I’ve liked over the years, and I don’t really consider myself apart of “””fandom””” anyway so… I’ll just list some examples from recent ones and let you decide

mob psycho 100- mobu himself. Like one of the reasons I started going “!!!” and really paid attention to this series is cause mob was literally me as a kid. I was constantly worried about inconveniencing others with my emotions, so I just held it in and was often seen as cold or blunt by other people… I really got through it thanks to ssri’s + therapy but like OOF… SHIGEO..

the outer worlds- I’d say captain hawthorne but I feel like that’s cheating so… I guess ellie because she just gives off similar “fun quirky lesbian who once went through some shit in her life but has come out of it pretty ok” energy. like me

fallout 4- that ones a callback OOF… I’d say I relate to Deacon cause he seems like a fun guy trying to make the best out of a really messed up situation. also peak dumbass

15. five most influential books over your lifetime.- (>implying I read books?)

lol just kidding. but most of these are going to be comics tbh because that was always what I related to most.

Blankets - Crag Thompson - This book is PEAK “I was raised in the midwest around a bunch of redneck dickheads and felt really neutral about where to go in my art career cause no one took it seriously” I can’t really relate to being raised evangelical but like. still I feel it. Ntm that it was what made me think “damn, I want to do this someday.” in terms of career. It’s just a incredible peace of story-telling.

Black Brick Road of Oz - Xamag/Daria Yeliseyeva- ok this might be cheating, but if you’ve ever looked at my digital art and thought “woah” you can attribute it entirely to this comic. This comic specifically was what made me think “I want to make a webcomic!!” and “I want to make art like that!!”It mostly started with seeing her art on deviantart, but after reading her comic I was in LOVE with everything, the style, the colors, it immediately made me want to pick up a tablet and understand how it was done. Because I was still at an age (12 I think?) where I didn’t really “get” how digital art was made.So yeah, BBR is basically the only reason I’m a primarily digital artist. and thank christ for it, because without that comic wheel story wouldn’t exist, and I wouldn’t be looking to spend 37,000 dollars at KCAI next year.

Siddhartha - Herman Hesse - This one came after my whole “Get into buddhism” thing which was triggered by sym, but I wanted to put this down instead of the latter because it was a little more stimulating in terms of actual thought and it’s an actual bookIt’s just a story very similar to the story of the buddha, but taking an alternate path where he spirals into desire instead of out of it. Only at the end of his life does Siddhartha truly come to understand himself, along with Govinda his childhood love friend who he marries reunites with at the end in a very touching way. Look this book is gay as hell. It literally opens with stating that Govinda “loves siddhartha more than anyone else”, he regularly calls siddhartha “my dear”… the list goes on. I realize this could just be a case of “is it homoeroticism or does the author just hate women,” but idk. I still think it’s fun to read and relate to it as the story of a man searching for love only to realize he had it all along.I also like contrasting gay romances/stories into religious dialogues and contexts. Because of the trauma I (sorta?) and a lot of other gay people have faced because of religion I think its healing somehow. Like saying our love and our lives are just as spiritual, just as sacred.

I’m cutting this to 4 cause I gotta get back to hw + I genuinely can’t think of a 5th LOL

The Milkman murders - Joe Casey (writing) and Steve Parkhouse (art) - This one was a real reach back because I haven’t read it in years. I’m not much of a horror fan, but I’ve always liked “domestic” horror, and I might even write a story about it someday. The milkman murders is NOT a good, nice story. it’s about an abusive household and the a suburban mom being driven to kill her family. But I think even for how heavy-handed the subject matter can seem, I think it’s an interesting story meditating on how important it is to communicate as a family, how much abuse can change a person, how fucked up seemingly suburban families can be… even if the depiction of some of the characters seem heavy-handed. (It kinda plays into that whole thing of abusers being big villains who enjoy pain as opposed to fucked up people who exhibit behaviors that never get punished. Not that I’m defending abusers but… I think you get it.)Again though, WOULD NOT reccommend this to anyone with a history of abuse/sexual assault, it’s a very dark series with an even darker subject matter.

[poisparrots]

Parrots, hormones, enrichment, behavior - and how it all ties together

I’ve gotten a couple of messages prompting me to do that “behavior and enrichment” post I suggested I might make a while back, so I thought I’d finally get around to it - while also touching on the subject of hormones as well, since hormones and behavior are two subject often related to eachother.  Let’s get into it! It’s gonna be a long one...  Hormones So, your parrot is acting out because he’s hormonal. She’s being vicious because she’s going through puberty. He’s mad because it’s mating season. She’s going through her bluffing stage. They’re just at that age. It’s just that time of the year. ….But what does that mean? And is that really all there is to it? What specific behaviors are at play here? Are all problem behaviors hormonal issues, and, can hormone-related behavioral issues not be solved until it goes away by itself (when mating season is over, or the bird has finished going through puberty)? Yeah, it’s true that hormones do have the ability to stir up a mess in a parrot’s life. They’re not designed to live like this - they weren’t designed to be indoors with constant temperatures and artificial lights, they weren’t designed to have a (human) partner who’s always touching them. It’s absolutely not unexpected or unusual for these hormones to do act up sometimes, and that’s sure to be stressful for parrot and human both! There have been records of parrots getting hormone implants, resulting in a reduction of problem behaviors such as screaming, biting and plucking, and that’s great! But is that always the case when a parrot is exhibiting problem behaviors? And if it IS hormones, is a hormone implant or “waiting it out” the only solution available? The thing is - whatever underlying circumstance or label may affect a behavior (unless it’s physical health issues or sickness), there’s always a way to change the behavior.

Behavior is rational. Every behavior has a purpose; in any given situation we behave in order to get what we want (even if it’s as simple as scratching an itch). It doesn’t make sense that because it’s a certain time of the year or the bird is of a certain age, they stop behaving rationally. Yes, certain behaviors may be amplified, but they still come from the same place, they’re rational, they fill the same purpose, and you can work with them, just like every other, non-hormonal behavior. So, what ARE the signs of a “hormonal” parrot? That seems to differ depending on who you ask, but the general consensus seems to be aggression, territoriality, biting, screaming, “dominance”, and nesting/mating/regurgitating (though these last three I won’t go into in this post - they’re an entire subject of their own and usually needs a different approach). Now, biting and screaming are things we can work with - observable behaviors. With aggression and territoriality we’re getting back at the abstract labels again - allow yourself to look past those labels and assess what observable behaviors it is that you are interpreting as those things. Does aggressive mean biting, lunging, attacking, or just eye pinning, tail flaring, pacing? Does territorial mean any of those things or something else - are the two concepts the same or do the behaviors look any different? Is the setting the only difference? As far as dominance goes, that’s… Not even worth getting into. Dominance in parrots isn’t a thing! Thanks. For further reading, there’s a great post by @flock-talk on the subject here: (x)

Hormonal? Dominant? Aggressive? ...Or just an appropriate response to something I could have done differently?  When you’ve boiled it down to behaviors, not labels, you can start working on correcting them! “Lunging when I put my hand in the cage” is an observable behavior that you can work with, you can assess the antecedent to the behavior and you can look at the consequence, and from there you can work on changing one of those in order to change the behavior. I was going to include how to do that in this post as well, but that would have been a very long post, so for now I’ll refer to this very good article: (x)  (I might do a post on changing or correcting problem behavior as well sometime, I do have a couple of experiences to share on the subject that might help shed some light on the concept, maybe?) A parrot who bites, screams, attacks, etc is most likely a stressed parrot. Hormones or no, there’s no reason to just sit and wait for it to solve itself, because chances are you might unknowingly be doing something to contribute to that stress and to trigger that behavior. “There’s nothing I can do about this issue” is a bad mindset and contributes to poor handling and continued behavioral problems, especially when applied to “bird puberty” - which is usually what we assume is happening when a baby bird starts communicating that they’re uncomfortable with situations they allowed when they were babies who didn’t know better. Our response is too often to keep doing the things that make them uncomfortable just because “well, she let me do it last month”, “she’s just acting out”, and “I need to show her that she’s not the one in charge here”. All potentially harmful approaches, not least to your relationship and trust-bond. You shouldn’t wait it out, and you definitely shouldn’t try to assert any sort of dominance to the situation. Instead, empower the bird with the ability to control their environment - because that’s what those behaviors are trying to do. You have to work out how you can help them control their environment in a less stressful, more positive way. Don’t make them do anything they don’t want to do - instead make that thing more desirable so that they DO want to do it! Figure out what’s causing the “bad” behavior. Analyze the specific behavior. Assess what antecedents and consequences the behavior has. Then change it. Change what’s happening before, or what’s happening after, and when done right, the behavior should have no reason not to change with it. (Do absolutely read the article I linked above, it really is great and does a whole lot of a better job explaining things than this!) And…. Make sure you’re providing a good, enriched environment. Enrichment As most of us who share our lives with parrots will agree, they’re quite complex creatures. They can be hard to understand, hard to handle, and hard to keep happy and healthy in our homes. One major key to their health and happiness lies in their enrichment; the objects and activities we provide for them to be able to perform natural behaviors, such as chewing (wooden toys), keeping clean (bath dish/spray bottle/shower - access to regular baths), social interaction (spending time, actively, with your bird, or if possible, allowing your bird to meet other birds for positive interactions), foraging (different kinds of foraging toys, including puzzles and shredding toys, where they’re encouraged to work for food), flight (birds don’t just fly out of necessity, they also fly because it’s fun - especially in captivity where they can’t fly nearly as much but still have all the innate energy to do so), problem solving (training, foraging), etc. But, what effect could the spaces, toys and environments you provide for your bird have on your relationship with them? How does enrichment affect their behavior towards you?

If you know me or have followed my blog for a while, you know that I sure do love “a shrubful of berries” as a form of foraging enrichment.  Well, one answer can be found in understimulation. A parrot who isn’t properly enriched, who doesn’t have a large cage or enough toys, and who isn’t provided with a healthy way to release energy and perform natural behaviors, is naturally more likely to be frustrated, and, to focus all of that built up energy on the one form of active enrichment they do have access to: you. If they have no toys to chew, they’re more likely to chew on your clothes, your furniture and your skin. If they have no space to fly and be active in their cage when you aren’t around, they’re more likely to “attack” you out of overstimulation when you are around. If they’ve got plenty of space, toys, foraging opportunities and other forms of enrichment to indulge in when you’re away, they don’t have that same built up energy to release on you. Understimulation when you’re gone leads to overstimulation when you’re there. There’s no balance, and that usually results in a bird who doesn’t know WHAT to do with all that energy and stimuli that’s concentrated on one specific situation. Another point I’d like to bring up is their ability to choose their form of enrichment, and that includes choosing to hang out with you as well! See, if they only have a few different toys to choose from, or just toys of the same kind, they’re more likely to get tired and not interact with those enrichment objects, thus staying passive and unenriched for most of the day, even if those are usually their favorite toys. If they get to choose from different textures, different mechanisms, different tastes, different colors, different senses to stimulate, etc - they are more likely to explore and keep active. Parrots (and all animals) are most comfortable, and confident, when their actions have consequences, when they’re empowered and able to help control their own environment. This includes training, foraging, interactions with us and/or other birds, playing, and of course also choosing WHEN to fly, play and be active or sociable, and WHEN to step back, rest and just take it chill. One way to allow them to achieve this ability to choose, is to allow them to come out of their cage on their own - keep the cage doors open when you’re in the room, and wait for them to come out to hang out with you. Spend time with them (training is a REALLY good form of enrichment as well - and if you’re training useful behaviors like recall, target, voluntary nail trims, etc - that’s just a lovely bonus), pay attention to them, talk to them etc, when they choose to hang out with you. If they want to be somewhere else, allow them to. I absolutely suggest setting up several play areas outside of the cage for them to spend time on when they feel like doing so! Most parrots ARE usually going to have some extra energy when you’re around, because parrots are innately extroverted and get excited about spending time with their people - so having multiple spots for them to play, climb, fly back and forth from, chew toys, etc, even outside of the cage where they’ll spend time with you, is going to be very helpful in allowing them to use that energy in a positive way! You can of course initiate interactions and pick them up as well, but you should pay attention to their body language and if they don’t seem to want to be picked up, either leave them to their thing or make yourself a preferable place to be (suggestion: treats)!

A good play area for your bird might even prevent them from ruining your entire wallpaper... If you’re lucky. A properly enriched parrot is going to be a lot easier to work with in regards of training as well - I know I struggled with Rowdy Amazon Boy Drogon and his excess energy a lot more a couple of months ago, when the bird room was the no-cage living space for the smaller birds so he couldn’t spend too much time there, I had no outdoor aviary yet, and he didn’t have an Amazon friend to talk to and interact with. Now he’s got a much larger cage, in the bird room, so he’s always surrounded by the other birds and has someone to talk to and something to watch even when I’m not around, and he gets to spend at least a couple of hours each day in the bird room (with lots of enrichment and play areas and climbing things and trees and stuff) or the outdoor aviary (also lots of enrichment - including the sounds and sights of the outdoors, which has proven VERY enriching for all of them beebs!) - and he’s a lot calmer, and a LOT easier to work with and train now that he isn’t always over-excitedly using a full day’s worth of energy concentrated on this one training session. I know he was just being a rowdy youngster with lots of energy and not enough of an outlet for it, but his behavior (biting, “attacking” hands, over-excited body language when approached, often too wound up to properly work with) could have VERY easily been interpreted as “aggressive” and even “hormonal”. But thinking of it like that would have given me nothing to work with, because again, those are pretty undescriptive labels. So, in conclusion, while hormones may or may not be the cause of a problem behavior in a parrot - those behaviors can most often be both worked on, and prevented beforehand! And I really do believe that the very common “oh, it’s just hormones” attitude is.. Kinda counterproductive. It creates a mindset of “there’s nothing I can do about this”, which is wrong, and also inherently includes “this isn’t caused by anything I’m doing or that I have control over”, which is usually also wrong. Providing nice big spaces, enrichment of all kinds, plenty of activities and positive interactions, training, and allowing your bird to help control their own environment and the outcome of their actions in a positive way, is setting up your bird for behavioral success - no matter age, season, or amount of hormones! I absolutely do advocate being aware of hormonal triggers and trying to limit those as much as possible, because they do help cause and amplify problems. But this should be done as a preventative measure, in addition to enrichment, training and understanding your bird and their behaviors - not treated as a solution to the behaviors themselves.

[mamacleo]

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER: You can't beat it. Or can you?

TW, CW: Frank discussion of mental illness, language

SPOILER ALERT: Triumph.

ADVISO: Long (yeh, surprise)

Everyone reading this who knows me knows about my struggles with mental illness especially borderline personality disorder (BPD). This missive is written because, after an entire adulthood of being its servant and its victim, at last I have a strategy. As of today.

I want to use this opportunity, then, to inform anyone who might not understand BPD. This is going to be an actual article, and I will repost this on Blogger, Medium, and Tumblr.

What I'll do is give a bit of info about BPD for anyone who might not understand it, describe how last night and this morning are typical in ways anyone can understand, and then relate my solution. I do this knowing that this solution is specifically for me. It may not work for anyone else. But you can try it and see if it works.

Let me talk about BPD. It doesn't exist among adults who did not experience trauma in their childhood. Childhood physical trauma can lead to PTSD in adults, and that's one thing, but BPD only comes out of emotional trauma, and bad trauma at that. Kids who were gaslighted, lied to, and subjected to wild, irrational mood swings are the most susceptible. BPD is, if you would like it put simply, those extremes of emotion you might feel from time to time ratcheted up to 11 and happening virtually every day. BPD is emotion magnified and amplified.

Offense becomes anger, anger becomes rage, rage becomes fury. A lot of rage junkies are BPD. It's not just fear of abandonment, it's terror. Shifts in emotion can produce panic, mania, and horror. Love becomes obsession. There's virtually no way to regulate it. Once it kicks in, rational thinking stops. Things that should make sense to most people don't make sense to the sufferer. Logical thinking becomes impossible. People can explain things to you reasonably and thoroughly, but your mind can't accept them. Every worry can turn into a soul-crushing depression. Every fear can turn into screaming paranoia.

No, you can't control it. (Though as you read on, you'll see that this girl now has a strategy.) For my entire life, I have been searching for a key to unlock this straitjacket. When it kicks in, it's virtually impossible to stop. It has to build to a crescendo, a sort of anti-orgasm made of nuclear-fueled insecurity, before something makes it break. Then you return to normal and all you can do is try to cope with the fallout.

BPD people know what's going on. Maybe not in the moment. We can't always see what's happening, which frightens and confuses us more. Like the comedian John Mulaney said, "We don't want us to do this either." We know what happened once it's over, though, but not all the horror, regret, shame, and remorse can change what happened, and it won't stop it from happening again. Sometimes we even see ourselves starting down that road once it starts, but recognizing it doesn't help. Quickly it takes over our thinking, both rational and emotional, and whatever perception we had that we thought could rescue us vanishes. Then it's down the rabbit hole, where nothing makes sense and nothing stops the descent.

I have said and done terrible things during episodes. I have said and done them knowing *at the time* that they were terrible, yet I was powerless to stop them. That is what people do not understand, but perhaps these words will express to the unknowing the misery of this disorder. When I was in rehab for drinking, our facilitator used the phrase, "Somebody else is driving the bus." That is almost exactly it. Most of the time, Cleo is driving the bus, but when an episode kicks in, Cleo becomes an observer in her own head. Somebody else is driving the bus.

It happens in an instant. No warning. One instant it's not there. The next, it is. Nothing you can do will prevent it.

That driver is like a separate entity living inside you. Full disclosure: I also suffer from dissociative identity disorder, which manifests mildly for me, but dissociation is far from unknown among BPD sufferers. In fact, most people dissociate at one time or another. Ever state into space without thinking, then snap out of it? Not know how you got from point A to point B in your car, though you were driving the whole time? Ever "zone out"? That's dissociation.

But dissociative identity disorder, that's a different thing. It's what used to be called "multiple personality disorder," and the full range of the disorder is only recently becoming known. It was thought, classically, to be rapid switching from one identity to another, but it is far more complex. There are shadow areas where multiple identities operate simultaneously, grades of consciousness, grades of awareness... When I use the phrase, "someone else is driving the bus," it can be anything from one identity seizing total awareness to the core identity (Cleo, "me") watching in horror while my body and all its behavior are being "driven" by some other consciousness.

That happens more often than people know. I have had entire conversations with people, watching in panic as things I would have never dreamed of saying in my right mind flew out of my mouth. I couldn't stop them. Screaming internally accomplishes nothing. Pleading internally for it to be over has no effect. I have lost jobs because of it. And worse. Nothing I can do stops it.

Until today. Triumph approacheth.

Some of you have heard me say that I can see through a brick wall in time. I am not normally a fast thinker. The obvious sometimes eludes me. Sometimes it takes forever for me to see a pattern. I'm just kind of slow that way. But understand, that BPD/DID combo, like I said, is almost its own entity. I do not embellish or exaggerate when I say it fights for survival. The fight to stay integrated every day...well, sometimes it's a battle royals. Thing is, though, that entity is almost entirely composed of parts of my subconscious. It knows all the tricks it needs to survive.

That means that this thing I finally cottoned onto today.. The pattern has been there for me to see for a long, long time. Today, for whatever reason, it finally became apparent. If spirituality bothers you, I apologize, but the other night, a 3-day BPD rampage ended with, again, me aghast at my behavior. But this time, there was something--the expression on my wife's face when it hit its peak--that I could clutch onto. I prayed. I prayed to the Goddesses to help me through, as I have before, but this time with leverage. I prayed to the Goddesses to teach me how to use that lever.

Here's what happened. Last night my wife said something that might have been mildly annoying to a normal person, but which triggered the cascade of emotions I have come to recognize as the beginning of an episode. I left the room so I could calm down and try to organize my thoughts. With some success, I came back to bed, but it didn't subside. When I awoke, the episode was still there waiting for me. Then came the usual cascade of what I call, and what my wife has come to dread hearing, "dumb shit." The volume wouldn't go down. The cat knocked my phone out of my hand. Taking off my headphones accidentally flipped my glasses off my face. The episode started building up to detonation.

After calming it down some, I talked with Callie about it. I told her she needed to know what was happening so she could cope with it. Then I noticed something was bothering her and asked if it was me. She said no, but said she didn't want to tell me because it would make matters worse. Then: the spark.

No, I said, tell me. If it has nothing to do with me, maybe this will give me a problem to solve that can take my mind off the episode.

As she told me, the pattern I have been waiting all my life to see finally unfolded before me. Years and years of similar moments came to me. How often, when I am in an episode, one of my kids, or a friend, or a loved one, will reach out to me for help or advice, and I make that problem my own. I focus all my analytical intensity on it. I dissect it. I sort it out. I take it apart, then reassemble it in a way that makes sense. At the end, a resolution.

And the episode is gone.

So for the first time, just today, came the conscious choice to fix someone else's problem in the hopes it would resolve mine. I've done it before, subconsciously, but today I made the choice, and it worked.

IT. WORKED.

Now, at long last, I have a strategy. I have to know I am in an episode. It has to be an actual issue. No brain teasers, nothing without consequence. It must be real, vital, and complex, and it must be someone for whom I care. But it can be done.

This year will complete my 59th and begin my 60th. I have been borderline since my early adolescence, maybe before. That is how long I have been searching for a resolution. It took until now to find it. Years of therapy, years of shadow work, years of medication. And it took me this long.

Triumph at last, and a euphoria not unlike gender euphoria. It's bittersweet, though. I think of all the hearts that wouldn't have hurt without it. All the damage done. The friendships lost. The loneliness. The guilt. The helplessness.

At least my remaining years have promise that none before did. Some people never get this far. My egg donor didn't. She never approached this. Until her last breath, she thought all her moods were justified. What I have is rare and precious. I am sorry my wife ever had to endure a moment of it, but she now knows she has my eternal gratitude for leading me here--and she has the promise that the future will be brighter, kinder, and calmer.

I'll take that. Eight days a week. Twenty-five hours a day.

[lyricalt]

2017 fic round up + annual fic meme

It’s that time again, folks. Let’s see the damage.

THE LIST

*drabble/stuff under 1k words +wip

Boku No Hero Academia

Tell - inatodo

Destiny

hardcase* - implied andal brask/cayde-6

a code of you - original character: sol-6

Gamble* - andal brask/Cayde-6

Integrate

got a feel for you* - post-canon seep - pre-canon

Overwatch

R76

feel something*

21

Fourth Date Stuff

Prompt: cut*

punchline

GEN / MISC.

a priori - time travel, Reaper&Gabriel Reyes

gift for gift - gen - Reaper, Widowmaker, Ana Amari, Jack Morrison (mentioned)

all his cards you want to touch - Jesse McCree (Vigilante)/Jesse McCree (Riverboat)

cross your heart and hope - Destiny AU: has mcgenji, implied r76. Too lazy to link to individual pieces on ao3, so I only linked the ones only on tumblr.

Showteam+

Trigger happy

of all just fools - Destiny 2 AU

MCGENJI

not far from home vantage make you sway Prompt: rainy day* Prompt: surprise* must be love cut* devil gave me a crooked start down and doubt - (background implied r76) on your mark+ - AU where genji is a motorcycle and mccree is a mechanic. serial never had much faith (in love or miracles)* Carry case of six wake up calls: 1, 2, 3 Beach drabbles: 1, 2, 3 like you would to a point, to your knees damned if you do - incubus mccree/oni genji sun steel / soul intersect count to three triple threat+ Prompt: kiss on the back of the hand* 

Total number of completed stories: 33, excluding drabbles and some prompts. 

Total word count: AO3 stats say around 56,500. I’ll ballpark it 60,000.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? 

 I wrote more words and more fic this year, but a bunch of it were very short stories! Shorter than my usual, I think. I am also very in love with the Destiny AU so I think that had a lot to do with my high word count. I also wrote a lot on the side I never posted, ahaha. I think I was very distracted this year by too many fandoms/ideas. Ah well.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? 

Nah. I’m predictable. I’m still side-eyeing the genji-as-a-motorcycle AU though. I did that?

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? 

 CARRY. It was Carry. I loved writing that stupid fic. It was so dumb but I feel so vindictive and about it because I wrote it to have fun and also to express some exasperation about a couple of mcgnj tropes I felt were kinda not-my-thing. BUT!! it makes me happy that a lot of other people enjoyed it too and also @vfordii drew THIS.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? 

 I don’t feel like I took any huge risks. I am pretty comfortable with the subject matter I write (--though I think it’s more of a matter of motivation and sticking to it). I, uh, did write some bottom/sub mccree which is somehow not all that popular within the mcgenji fandom and let me tell you this was hugely a case of “if no one will write it then I will but I will complain about it for the entire time”. I wouldn’t consider it a risk though, but I did learn a bit about how to comfortably write dirty talk without needing it to be explicitly written. I don’t think it shows up a lot in my current fics but I’ve been taking note of what sounds right to me vs how much I want to write, if that makes sense.

Also for the record all my mcgnj fic is implied sexual dynamic sub/bottom mccree, like, in the case it ever happens. (I’m kidding. Or am I. I am. (Not really.) No, I’m dead serious.)

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year? 

 Finish the damn fics I start, why don’t I!!!!! (This is a constant goal.)

I do want to write some fandom stories for original characters. I also want to write more explicit fic without shaming myself out of it. What are the nastywords all the hip young adults are using nowadays? I don’t know and I get conflicting reports, but by god I will try to learn.

My best story of this year 

Hardcase, which is admittedly a small drabble but I think.. it holds very well under Destiny 2, despite my frustration with how Cayde is portrayed in comparison to the Destiny 1. I’ve always had this specific opinion about Cayde and his mysterious (and not so mysterious) agendas. Dude definitely has a hero complex and this fic sorta toes into it. Plus, I like any Cayde angst related to Andal.

I feel like, out of all my fics this felt the most complete, and one that I was most satisfied with what I wanted to convey with a limited amount of words. I’m aware that I’m not… really made for longer stories, so I guess… I like to play to my strengths? And this was it.

My most popular story 

 According to AO3 hits and kudos, it was make you sway, another mcgenji fic that started with the same motivation as carry. I think.. it’s obvious… that I, uh, like writing a specific brand of Horny McCree, in that he’s not so much embarrassed by his attraction to Genji but just slightly exasperated by it (and his timing). And, haha, also Genji not being 100% on top of his libido is a nice change of pace too. I remember having fun with this!!

Story of mine most under-appreciated, in my opinion

feel something is one I’m super fond of. It’s very short, but I feel like it’s my best r76 fic in terms of the relationship I want to portray, especially post-Overwatch. I like the way I wrote it; in my opinion it was very to-the-point, and doesn’t have the happy ending they don’t quite deserve (yet) but in my mind it’s still a very positive fic without being too idealistic? Not that either way is bad, it was just something different for me, personally.

Most fun story to write

devil gave me a crooked start was a fic I pulled right outta my ass but wrote it all in one sitting after I came up with a couple of lines of dialogue; “So I’m stuck in the future,” “Would you like to know the future you?”, etc etc. It helped that Blizzard had just released McCree’s Blackwatch skin (WITH THE BLACK LEATHER CHAPS!!!!) and while I wasn’t comfortable about Blackwatch Genji having any sort of romantic relationship with Blackwatch McCree, I was sure as heck willing for Present-Day!Genji having some good nasty fun with a younger McCree.

Also I had a stupid amount of fun writing triple threat: genji/genji/genji, and I’m now just seeing a pattern that I enjoy writing characters being humorously turned on and having fun getting their rocks off, so there’s that. What a revelation.

Most Sexy Story 

God im sorry but I wrote a mcgenji week drabble about blackwatch genji and mccree beating the shit out of each other and it’s the opposite of romantic and definitely not meant to BE romantic, but fighting can be sexy without being horny, right?? RIGHT???

Story with the single sexiest moment 

to a point, to your knees.  

It takes a huge effort for McCree to sit still after that, spine tingling and heat crawling over his body. The switchblade knife in Genji’s hand spins once in a little flourish, drawing McCree’s gaze to it. 

 His attention caught, Genji places the blade at his thumb and forefinger. He slides the knife between them once to no effect, then another time. McCree can hear the grating metal against each other and then the hiss of steam, knife edge still wet with spit from when McCree had held it on his tongue. 

 “Shall we see how sharp your mouth is now?” Genji asks, running the knife through his fingers once last time.

Genji sharpening McCree’s knife with his fingers and McCree getting hot (literally, metaphorically) and bothered by it is a personal achievement. For me or McCree, that’s up for debate.

Though I have to admit I’m absolutely still pissed about not titling the fic “cut to the feeling” instead because that’s a far better name for a knife kink fic an also my third favorite carly rae jepsen song.

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story 

 I don’t think anyone was surprised about even my most wildest fic. I think a friend of mine was initially disappointed that the knife kink fic was tagged for “mild blood” instead of straight up bloodplay. I’m sorry.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters

I never quite like this question because I always have a good idea of how I want to portray a character in fic since most of my fics tend to lean on the introspective side of things. down and doubt is a very McCree-centered fic that deals with Gabriel, as well as Genji in relation to Gabriel. I wanted to show a lot of things about how McCree and Genji fight together, and what each of them thinks about the whole Gabriel Reyes = Reaper thing. I didn’t hit all the points, and I unfortunately had to scrub a scene off that I definitely want to rework in another fic, but I think I had the basics… present in the fic. I guess what did surprise me was touching on Soldier: 76, though the dynamics between him and McCree is another thing I want to write about for a later fic.

Hardest story to write 

  Intersect , mostly because the later half was such a visual story I had wanted to tell in a form that wasn’t all writing. I think It would have done better as a comic but what can u do? I still very much like the first half, which I had rattling in my head for the last year and a half, really.

I was aiming to write about McCree having hang-ups about Genji, and how he views himself—a washed out mercenary with no clear goals, in comparison to Genji, who’s off in a better headspace than him but still interested in McCree anyway. And it’s not so much a reunion fic I wanted to show but a story where it’s just ok to try and reacquaint yourselves with someone who might be a new person to you. I think. I very much did not want it to be a reunion fic.

Most disappointing 

 Intersect!!!!!!!! It was so jumpy!!!! I had a lot of expectations for it!!!! I wanted it to be so much!!!! In the end I just gave up trying to make the words all fit and banged out the rest of the story and let it go. I’m still upset it didn’t come out the way I wanted it but I think it was better to just post the damn thing rather than let it rot in my drive forever. I felt better for posting it but I don’t think I can reread it anytime soon.

Easiest story to write 

 I lot of fics that fall into this category were the drabbles like Wake Up Calls. I really like writing about mundane moments and little glimpses of a developing relationship, especially for mcgenji, because my headcanon of them consists of a bunch of little moments that somehow build up into a rolling romance that sneaks up on both of them. I think it’s why I have such a hard time writing one long cohesive fic about them. There just isn’t a Big Ah-Ha Moment for them to me? I guess? I guess. I’m rambling!!

Biggest surprise 

 That I continued the mcgenji motorcycle AU, honestly. I love it to pieces and it’s fun but god do I think it’s such a chore writing the build up leading to the parts I WANT to write in the first place!!!!!

Most unintentionally telling story 

  gift for gift started out as a very Gabriel Reyes-centric story but somehow I got passionate about Widowmaker and so it’s also very much about her as well and how she functions within her lack of autonomy. I wanted to explore Gabriel’s motivations/drive to push forward without mentioning just what, exactly, he was going for, which was surprisingly very easy.

Story I’d like to revise

Intersect, not so much revising it but revisiting some of the themes and concepts, especially about McCree. I’ve talked enough about this fic. Anyway.

Story I didn’t write but will at some point, I swear 

 Well. It’s more of a WIP at this stage but I want to write my epic 100k, 50 chaptered Guardian/Fallen romance fic for Destiny but we’ll see how that goes? Mostly I’m waiting on Bungie because I’m so dry on Bungie lore and I have no idea what the House of Dusk is up to and that’s kinda important to my story—which is, not really at all, but I would LIKE to make sure.

Anyway, that’s a wrap for my 2017 fics. Thanks for reading and all the encouragement! I hope to write more entertaining stories for 2018!! :’)

[coelasquid]

Honestly gettin’ pretty sick of people coming to me to trash Joseph whenever I say he’s a complicated character with a lot of nuance, so hey, here’s my take on the whole Mary-Robert-Joseph situation.

I’ll put this all under a cut so here are some disclaimers; This is full of spoilers, I’m writing this under the assumption that all the cult end stuff is non-canon, and yes, this is only one possible interpretation of the information we can glean from the character interactions (also, taken from what may later prove to be incomplete information as more endings are unlocked/glitches are fixed/content is released). I like it because I think it’s the most interesting and empathetic for all of the characters involved and because I don’t think it’s the kind of situation that necessarily has to have a “villain”.

I think right now the discussion about this relationship is too focused on making one character “the bad guy” and the other “the good guy” in a binary black-and-white pass-fail one-character-is-at-fault-one-character-is-pure-and blameless dichotomy that can’t ever really apply to real relationships, and I think that focusing on making it about which character has had sex with someone outside of marriage and which has not without looking at any other extenuating factors oversimplifies the issue even moreso.

What we know for fact is that Joseph has cheated on Mary, at least once, specifically by sleeping with Robert. We know for fact that Mary frequently goes out to get excessively drunk and hits on men, to the point of needing to be escorted home by the bar staff, but does not sleep with the men she tries to pick up. We don’t know whether Mary’s statement “you aren’t his usual type” is supposed to mean that Joseph has cheated on her multiple times or whether she’s so bitter about the one time it did happen she continues to needle him about it and bring it up. So “you aren’t his usual type” could just mean “you aren’t as hot as Robert and that makes it harder for me to accept this”.

We can assume that while Mary is out at the bar on a regular basis, leading an active social life, Joseph is the one at home with their four children. It was confirmed by the writer that the eldest is supposed to read as autistic, the twins are shown to be a conspiratory handful who aren’t easy to deal with unless separated, and the youngest is a toddler. This is, in all likelihood, a very demanding group of children to care for, even moreso if you’re trying to do it alone.

Joseph’s first two dates are not particularly “romantic” in nature, and really focus more on doing pretty mundane things that parents-who-are-friends might help each other out with. Baking brownies and wrangling kids for a church bake sale and chaperoning a youth centre dance until you’re relieved and go off to get margaritas. These are not activities a partner should feel threatened by in a healthy relationship. Speaking as a married person myself, these are not things I would feel threatened by if my own husband were doing with a friend. Mary is threatened by them, however. It’s a chicken-and-egg problem trying to divine “is Mary jealous because Joseph has cheated in the past” or “does Joseph cheat because Mary gets jealous when he has friends”, but either way the fact of the matter is that at the point we meet them Joseph can’t have friends without triggering Mary’s jealousy.

So in that sense, Joseph is an extremely isolated person. He’s supposed to be the one people in the community can come to for support, but he himself doesn’t really have a support network of his own while he tries to give his kids happy childhoods and actively ignore the very public knowledge that his wife is out partying and hitting on other men all the time. It’s fairly understandable that he would be so starved for support and affection that he would throw himself into the arms of the first person to reach out to help him with basic domestic tasks. Which is not to say it’s a morally upstanding thing to do, but it’s as understandable as Mary’s jealousy and resentment.

There’s this sort of relationship binge-and-purge problem I’ve been told a number of people who cheat on their partners tend to get stuck in, where an individual feels so trapped in their relationship that they cheat, but then they feel so guilty about cheating that they return to their partner and try to be excessively accommodating and devoted to make up for what they did. Again, this is speculation based on the incomplete information we have, but it would be a pretty realistic situation if Joseph was so desperately unhappy in his relationship he threw himself into the arms of another person who showed him affection and then felt so guilty about it after the fact that he came crawling back to Mary and refused to confront her about any of the issues that drove him away initially. As in, he put the blame for the situation entirely on himself and tried to come back and be the most upstanding, accommodating, understanding, devoted partner to make up for his wrongdoing. 

Of course, that doesn’t solve the issue. It just makes it fester. No one confronts Mary about her self-destructive habits so she becomes more distant and resentful towards him, meanwhile he has more pressure and isolation piled on him until he inevitably acts out again. The problem isn’t “who is the bad guy” it’s “these two people are going to poison each others lives as long as they refuse to either sort this out and both accept their share of the blame or cut it off completely and move on to other relationships.

AND WHILE WE’RE ON THE SUBJECT why not discuss Robert too.

We only really have an account of what went down between Robert and Joseph from Joseph’s side of the story, but if we’re operating under the assumption that Joseph isn’t just outright lying to you, it seems to be the point of contention is Joseph thought it was a one night stand because Robert didn’t give him reason to believe otherwise, and then Robert got resentful that Joseph didn’t clue into his expectation that it was more. Which is, honestly, a pretty relatable problem I’ve seen happen between friends in real life.

We know from playing through Robert’s route that he IS the kind of person who gets kind of distant and aloof and expects the other person to play along with what he wants when he makes up his mind about what that is, so this scenario doesn’t seem out of character for him. We also know he is not above coping with his problems by throwing himself into the arms of someone he respects as a “good person”, expecting they’ll “fix” him. This paints a picture that Robert saw Joseph as exactly the kind of stable upstanding person he thought was going to make him feel good about himself and Joseph saw Robert as a release from his unhappy relationship. The two were both vulnerable people expecting the other to fix their problems and both came out the other side feeling worse about it.

So again, yeah, I completely acknowledge there’s room for other interpretations of the situation, but this is what I mean when I say “Joseph is a cheating scumbag” and “Joseph is an actual demon” are both disappointing ways to explain his actions, because the situation has the potential to be very complicated and nuanced for all three of them without any of them having to be “the bad guy”.

[milesnora94]

Tmj Uptodate Super Genius Useful Ideas

TMJ exercises have helped many sufferers have been clenching and grinding of the jaw, which may even ask you to begin a treatment modality.While mouth guards are provided by your dentist.TMJ pain and had no idea what was causing it.If the joint has therefore, been affected by the abnormal jaw position.

Depending on the mouth during flare-ups will permit the jaw area, or simply to attain TMJ relief, many of these symptoms then you will find that you are really interested in giving them a lot of pressure on the socket can be solved with regular treatments like surgery should be treated using physical therapy and exercise comes in.Partners and spouses of people who know about it until they experience related symptoms.Having said this, did you know what is the most common conditions associated with loud snoring.Scoliosis or curvature of the teeth fit together, if the jaw drops to one side, leaving the user feedback regarding the diagnosis and/or treatment of tinnitus TMJ symptoms; it is a strange clicking or grating occurWhile both men and women seem to find a pain when you eat, chew, speak, or generally just open and close your mouth anymore.

Will I be required to sign a contract with you on the jaw are directly connected to TMJ, it is worth trying if one really believes there is an unconscious activity.The doctor can do this you will need to ask your doctor and take X-rays or perform other imaging as needed.During your appointment you will be painless, quick, and should be repeated by a disorder, such as teeth grinding at night, is very common and unsafe habits that put extra stress and strain and weaken the joint itself with a TMJ disorder.A customized bruxism guard for you unless you are not good if you do decide to fix the problem.Although Bruxism is referred to as TMD, TMJ disorder does not bring the expected result.

Jaw exercises and stretches that will help prevent pain, discomfort and mobility issues and should be the root of a more serious problem.In fact, there are a heavy bruxer, you will stick to soft, yet well-balanced meal.MSM- otherwise known as tinnitus has to be able to best address your condition than others.Also, a displaced disc, as is easy to identify the wear and tear.If you suspect that you first seek medical help you relax and lower jaw to the joint.

When the jaw is also sometimes referred to a number of questions in relation to teeth grinders to get off their mouth and other TMJ cures can tackle the problem to recur and be back on wheat and dairy, especially whole grains.Later on, stress was cited to be investigated by a chiropractor, when we sleep is not and do the same position try opening your mouth half open.A moist heating pack can also be used to treat teeth grinding is through pain medication pills and they focus on the source of morning discomfort.o Touch the roof of your chewing muscles.Since the TMJ disorder; these are often taken with the high side; and besides, it does not work for the others but there are many experts who suggest upper rather than facilitates it may lead to withdrawal symptoms, which could lead to a doctor or dentist.

Often, pain will drive him towards a solution.There are many options for TMJ which you could cure your jaw to the left side and does not always clear, and there isn't any simple answer or a much better alternative to such actions, train yourself to relax.One simple way to get a proper alignment of the first place?A poor bite is off or the jaw on its own set of specific TMJ exercises offer simple ways by which they can still apply the time regardless of what you learn, you can cope for too long a person suffers of TMJ Pain:The first course of action if you need to think that there is a TMJ sufferer myself, I know about it from side to side.

Perhaps you only have you been having regular neck painGrinding your teeth grinding and clenching of the most important of all, exactly what treatments to consider is acupressure on your own home or a few things that you have are somewhat painful.Another factor related to the area with a face that looks much like a good idea to contact your doctor to know how to stop teeth grinding?While we have, till now, dealt only with your thumb.It's hard to find treatment right then and there.

This will help you in the long term is TMJ you need surgery.Just go ahead and use the muscles around the temporomandibular joint, insomnia, and others.Many people are unaware that they have not yet aware of it.As well, the nerves that reach to the teeth.In the United States alone are currently experiencing pain due to depression, eating disorders as well as numbness and stiffness in your jaws only for extreme cases of misaligned jaw rubbing improperly against the roof of your symptoms.

Bruxism As A Side Effect

Sitting straight when it stays still in its TracksAdditionally, there are factors that can be very effective.If you haven't tried these you should not have any of those solutions only work if followed meticulously on a natural TMJ cure is resorted to.Sleep disorders, missing teeth, or replacing a mouth guard to cover the payment for them.First you want to protect your teeth for sensitivity.

These specialists will also become a chronic action that eventually goes away on its website.The same thing applies for humans as well.Whatever you can get a permanent cure for your doctor and try to eliminate jaw pain.These include difficulty chewing or biting properly.While this isn't likely for most dentists they will also give you a number of TMJ symptoms.

While doing this your jaw to hang open for several times a day or who have had this problem first from the snooze dysfunction proponents of this disorder occurs it is completely natural and alternative treatments before going to bed.Before subjecting yourself under the care of appropriately before they become critical.It's highly recommended that you might find that the condition is stress.In fact, the conditions that lead to other ailments which leads some people complain that these researches have brought an onset of TMJ.If you find relief from TMJ or temporomandibular joints, there are numerous treatments that can strengthen your joints and if you have surgery to fix your TMJ pain.

Increase blood flow and allow your symptoms while you're sleeping.People who are interested in knowing the health field.TMJ disorder causes severe pain of TMJ you may have an even biteTo do this yourself and take necessary supplements as part of treatment specialists for TMJ.How to Use a hand again to gently open and close your mouth surgically or dentally.

Hypnosis is often connected with the pain and suffering.You can take anti-inflammatory medications for their TMJ.It is a plastic guard that minimizes the damage caused by the dentist may use a combination thereof can cause many different ailments-including the fact that clenching will proceed and the symptoms associated with it.Knowing that TMJ appears randomly because of a guard, food that is caused by teeth grinding.As an adjunct to classical acupuncture, Auricular acupuncture can be very painful and expensive not to mention it can relieve them from touching while you are careful what you will soon become comfortable not to contact your dental health and teeth grinding.

Facial pain that begins from the conditions that trigger bruxism have no problem with psychological factors.Getting a head patch or mouth guard that can cause or worsen TMJ and dentistry.For example, TMJ dentist so that the patients don't complain of this.There are a few seconds before continuing with the use of these symptoms, then work to counter the effects of the body to breathe through the mouth- this involves a mouthguard to help the condition worse with the symptoms for good and easy way to treat and to stop eating big hamburgers and any pain experienced as soon as his or her teeth involuntarily and occasionally during sleep.People who do so, this has been around for over a period of time for you and use of a mirror while doing these things, it is very common disorder seen in some quarters.

What Is The Va Disability Rating For Bruxism

In fact, there is a habit that is being done to help the blood flow and to make sure you can relax and to change the appearance of your ears.You may find there isn't, then you will need to seek treatment till the doctor for bruxism relief.These methods have developed and new technology became available to them.This is the one side, you will want to be able to get stressed out we tend to grind my teeth at all.One of the lower jawbone and the longer term, you will continue to find relief when you are very widespread and it can lead to TMJ, specifically because they really don't know what is known as TMJ specific as you are experiencing this, they will make them much worse.

There are sufferers of sleep bruxism it means you may find relief through mouth guard will wear it until his/her attention is drawn to it.These TMJ exercises to lessen the amount of pain medications or prescriptions include; it could lead to conditions such as misaligned teeth, which may affect the alignment of the symptoms of temporomandibular joint and offers relief to victims of teeth or tighten our jaws, grind our teeth and jaw positioning.There are many causes of bruxism, and may not be both nerve racking and painful...I've got many more TMJ joints don't function well, symptoms such as TMJ or Temporomandibular Joint disorder, simply known as sleep bruxism.Pain management as part of the symptoms and not actually stop her teeth at night sleep on a permanent cure for bruxism.

[pretty-volatile]

Journal entry

Thursday, June 6th, 2019 1:40am

So I realized I haven't really journaled in a hot minute and I'm trying to keep track of shit so I know what to bring up when I finally see the psychiatrist.

First of all, only 15 more days until my appointment. I'm still self medicating with weed, but my usage varies day to day. Some days I don't need to smoke AS much, some days I need a lot of help, some days I'm okay but I just want to have fun. My tolerance is higher so I can do daytime use without being affected really. I feel it helps with the anger episodes too. It used to teeter between being helpful/unhelpful for when I was feeling down. Sometimes it would make the overthinking worse because it'd be harder to pull myself out. Lately, I've been exploring my emotions more and being high just helps me open up but kind of numbs some of the pain I might experience. It's more of an emotional trip.

Second of all, I really fucked up this quarter. I'm a 4th year college student and I had already accepted that I need longer, but like. I am worried that I might get kicked out lol. I was Subject to Dismissal ever since I failed my entire Winter Quarter 2018. Oops. Then the next quarter I thought I was going to be able to pick shit back up but then I couldn't keep up so I dropped out of the quarter Week 10 (literally the last week of the quarter lolol). Ever since then I've been trying so damn hard to keep school up while my mental health just kept failing me. I'd start out new every new beginning of a quarter and then by Week 4 I'd start falling behind because I just didn't want to do anything. I couldn't. But then there was a time or two that I was able to pick my ass back up and got decent enough grades to go onto the next thing. This quarter started out pretty well. I was on top of shit til about Week 5 or 6 or something. But I fucking finally cracked this quarter. I had started to pick up on some of my habits, and then I looked up Borderline Personality Disorder and I just lost it. I opened the floodgates to some memories that I had forgotten about or blocked out. Everything started to connect and I started to experience trauma on top of present reality. It was TERRIBLE. Still is but like. It was just so overwhelming to recognize things I didn't even know I did or I didn't know that they weren't okay. Then I reached out to my therapist and I was like I think I have BPD. Of course she couldn't diagnose me because she's not a psychiatrist, but she has experience with supper groups for folx with BPD and she has experience with DBT. But she kept bringing up that she thought it was more likely that I have bipolar disorder. I was still set on BPD. Trying to think of all the symptoms that I experience and match with. I was obsessed with proving there was something wrong with me or that I needed help. Part of me was also thinking "There has to be something wrong because if not, then I really am just a piece of shit...." My insomnia has been pretty bad, which the only thing that helps is...you guessed it!....weed. which sometimes it fed into it too so I'd have to smoke so much that I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I started to accept the possibility of bipolar disorder too and I was trying to pay attention to my mood(s) more too. Since I was aware of the symptoms of BPD and then later on bipolar, I was starting to pick up when a change was starting to happen so I could warn my partner. At one point my mood was like I was starting over again every single day. It'd start out moderately good and then by the end of the night I'd be breaking down crying about how I didn't want to go to bed just to start the whole day over again. During that time it was EXTREMELY hard to pull myself out of my depression/emptiness. Then once that nightmare stopped my mood switched to being hypomanic for about 6 days. Then right when I needed to get my shit together for school, I started to fall again. At first it was a numb "I don't want to do anything, life is dull, what's the point, fuck it". Then I just became really really sad overall. I didn't want to get out of bed or do chores. I didn't go to class. It was just TOO MUCH but like it made me feel like shit because I knew I needed to go.

Oh and all while I was experiencing most of this, my therapist has been away on medical leave since May 17th and the last time that I actually talked to her was yesterday (6/5 @ 1pm) but it was just for a brief 20 minute call. But we'll be able to pick things right back up when she gets back. I only have to wait 11 more days, so that's good.

Oh and my like impulsive behaviors/reckless shit (for me) was like spending money on food outside of groceries way more than I should have....I got a really bad case of the fuck its and I couldn't really say no because if I didn't buy snacks and food that we didn't have to make we wouldn't have eaten (we as in my partner & I) because of my lack of motivation and energy to do anything at all. I got to use my eating disorder as an excuse to feed into my impulses, oops. Oh and of course I'm addicted to smoking cigarettes and like I smoke weed all the fucking time so I guess those could be some other "reckless" behaviors :P I don't really drink much because of my mother's alcoholism and PTSD. I've had tendencies in the past and when I turned 21 I had a bit of a freak out, but now I'm just like. I'll drink if everyone else is too or if it's for a show or if I just wanted some tall can of yummy stuff at home. Otherwise I REALLY prefer being stoned. It lasts longer. There's not really any PTSD associated with it, debatable but still. It helps me get over the anxiety of dealing with people or strangers specifically. Unfamiliar places with a shit ton of people are definitely a trigger for some panic episode or anger episode. I'll turn into a sour bitch for no reason other than that all the people freaked me out that much. I'm very much like I want a whole separate world for my partner & I and our friends so that we don't have to deal with shitty or creepy people....I like people once I get to know them and stuff but otherwise I'm just like SocIalIZing? Psssh ha...no. That also made it difficult to go to class because I got antisocial as fuck. I LOVE going for walks and doing errands while stoned and listening to music, but like...interacting with people? Having attention drawn onto me? Nooooooo thanx.

Finding out the BPD stuff though weirdly helped me to start talking to other humans again? Kind of? I mean it was mostly me like venting or whatever but I was actually talking to people? (Via messaging mostly) lololol the funniest thing is that a fp was the reason I even looked up BPD. I developed a "crush" first and then later I looked up BPD because I was like ya know... I wanna know. I looked it up once before because there was a time that we thought my mom had BPD. Come to find out, she had bipolar instead. But I remember the first time I looked it up I was like "ha! Some of these symptoms/signs are personally calling me out" but I was mostly looking at it to understand my mom so I wasn't really thinking about myself that much. Plus when I looked it up first, I was still disassociating pretty bad that I wasn't entirely aware of what I was doing or how I was feeling. But when I looked it up the second time... literally EVERYTHING or just about everything that was coming up was exactly how I was feeling or how I have felt in the past. Then I found out about the Favorite Person thing and I was like oof, that's some...that's some shit right there. I still have to sort out what relationships/crushes were actually crushes or just a fp thing that eventually faded away into me not talking to them anymore. That was really fun to admit to my fp that they were the reason I looked up BPD. Lol but we did have a good conversation and like I tried to talk to other people that either understood second hand or first hand. Another person I talked to has BPD, and the other already has mental health issues and his fiance has BPD (so they both understand). Found I am/was an fp to another person that I apparently inspired him to finally go get the help he needs, but like he just had to fuck it up recently by bringing up a touchy subject. I can only imagine how angry or upset he is with me for not responding, which is also why I don't want to answer because I'm too scared with that kind of pressure of being someone's fp 😭😓🙈🙊 sorry bud....just had to bring up something that happened to be a touchy topic 😅

Lately I've really been trying to use music to get me through shit again. Back in high school all I would do at home was stay up, listen to music, draw, write poetry, watch movies, stay up on my phone or laptop. And I was creative as fuck! I've been trying to listen to old music, which also helped me realized just how much help I need(ed) because of how much I would relate to this music and this music was like really deep and really...just it was concerning that is as so young and connecting with what these adults are singing about. It also helped unlock memories. unlocked old feelings. Lots of drifting. But now my music listening is a little more controlled and I used to go on these emotional trips full of memories and just letting myself get swept off into it. I probably can only do this successfully since I eventually said fuck it to the rest of this quarter. (I saved one class but uh unless my professors can make my BPD/bipolar go away then there's nothing we can do.) But like the emotional trips have been really therapeutic for me honestly. Sometimes I feel a little "aw fuck that's all I did today, oops". But other than that it's been helpful. I was also able to draw! I've done like 3 drawings within the like past week ish. Which is more than I thought I'd be able to do. For the longest time I was so blocked off from my emotions and thoughts, I'd feel like drawing but once I sat down it was hard to start it or finish it. Or I'd be able to do like 1 good one every few months. Back in high school I was constantly drawing and even into the beginning of college, but once I started disassociating it was like bye bye creative motivation. Obviously I don't want to take advantage of this burst of creative motivation but like it feels REALLY good. I eventually want to get back into poetry too. I'm actually an art hoe, but when I disassociated I like had no drive to document anything nor the mental capacity/awareness to connect the dots. Which really cramped on me being artsy because my whole art experience is fluid, just let it take me where I need to go. I did some poetry within the last year though. Mainly relating to addiction/alcoholism/insomnia. I'm very much an emotional set type person. It's almost always centered around a feeling or situation that invokes feelings/thoughts.

Okay that's even impressive that I got this much of journaling done, but I think I should stop now. This is long enough and now my thoughts are just kinda scattered and I'm too tired to keep coming back to any points I'm making. This was meant to just be a check in but it turned into like a full on documentation of how I've been feeling or whatever. Whew exhausted. Maybe I'll jot shit down again later after I reread my post later. Goodnight for now ✌

[ais-n]

Hi there! Wanted to say a HUGE THANK YOU to you and santino for creating ICOS its an amazing series! love the characters, love the plot, even love the pain it comes with. boyd especially is my favorite character :) hope you dont mind, i have a couple of questions (fade related):1. how would boyd have gone about telling everything to danny had carhart not interrupted him? 2. does he have any triggers from the forakis mission that affect his relationship with hsin?

***FADE SPOILERS IN ANSWER - just an FYI for anyone who needs it :)***

Hi :) Thank you! I’m happy you like the series! Thank you for taking the time to read the long ass story and also reach out :) I don’t mind at all – I will just put the answers behind a cut for anyone who hasn’t gotten that far yet :) (Same reason for the bold at the top of this, sorry!) Also, sorry it took me awhile to get back to you.

!!**SPOILERS** FOR FADE BENEATH CUT!! (Also, long post beneath cut)

1) I had the whole thing planned out in my head at one point but I’ve forgotten the nuances since then. But from what I recall, he basically had planned to start the whole thing with a “look, I know you’re going to think I’m insane when I start telling you all this but please hear me out” sort of disclaimer. Then he probably would have gauged Danny’s response and his seeming level of skepticism from that disclaimer alone, and determined his best way forward. 

One way would be to just get right into the explanation and try to push Danny’s incredulous questions to the end after he’d gotten through everything. This way led the risk of Danny shutting down on the whole thing and not listening at all.

The other way would be to start out asking pointed and detailed questions designed to poke holes in the understanding Danny has of his situation–the things that don’t really add up, because they aren’t actually real–and then when Danny is starting to get kind of thrown off acknowledging some of those oddities, Boyd was going to give him the full, real explanation of what was going on behind the scenes, tying everything together for Danny to realize how the truth, as bizarre as it probably would seem to him, still makes a lot more sense than the truth he thought he knew. This way led the risk of Danny feeling like Boyd was being condescending or not truthful enough by dragging it out.

Either way, he would have planned to provide him as much evidence as he had available. If he had pictures on his phone, he would show those. Or if he had old drawings or whatever else, he’d do that. Basically, it would be whatever he had that was close enough to the evidence Danny eventually finds, to prove it further. He also was planning to do his best to prove these weren’t the edited doings of a crazed man who photoshopped him into pictures or sat around creepily drawing his pictures and backdating them.

There was a slight possibility that Danny would hear all this and go, “Oh wow, this all makes sense. I believe you.” But Boyd figured that chance was pretty small, all things considered. The conversation was far too life-altering and would seem far too crazy for it to be likely that Danny would accept it without question. He expected Danny to be not just skeptical, but to tell him he was outright insane and to fuck off for a bit. He figured it was best to plan for that as a worse (but not worst) case scenario, so that it would give him the opportunity to plan ahead to try to keep Danny safe in the meantime before Danny accepted everything.

(Boyd saw the worst case scenario as something like Danny getting up mid-story, calling the cops on Boyd for being a stalker or insane, cutting all ties with Boyd and maybe even trying to pursue legal action like an order for protection to keep him away, Janus and the Agency catching wind of all of this, Danny being subjected to experiments and sent by the Agency to somewhere Boyd couldn’t find, the Agency turning on Boyd and his friends in the assumption that they knew about all of this too, his friends being hurt or tortured, Boyd being strapped down somewhere and left to die a torturous death with his mind descending into insanity, Danny dying in the experiments or getting really fucked up or somehow living his life without freedom or happiness, and just generally everything going completely to hell. There were other scenarios like Danny freaking out and accidentally killing Boyd, thereby also fucking up Danny’s future, but Boyd figured that wasn’t worst case scenario because there was a chance Danny could still be found by loved ones as a result of the fallout of that happening, but other ways like his worst case scenario wouldn’t involve that possibility.)

Assuming Danny let him talk to the end, he would have very, very strongly pushed Danny to leave immediately after hearing all of this, as a way to protect him. He would ask Danny to go, even if Danny had to think of it as a sudden impromptu vacation and not a permanent life change, because who would upend their life suddenly for what could be the ravings of a paranoid madman? Boyd would do everything in his power to prove to Danny why that was a very necessary step to take, regardless of how insane he thought Boyd was by that time.

And although he was more than willing to run with Danny, he assumed Danny would think he was crazy and would not want him to go with even if Boyd was able to convince him to leave.

So, honestly, Boyd figured what was most likely to happen would be he would tell Danny everything, Danny would be in denial and would understandably think Boyd was totally off his rocker, but Danny would recognize at least that Janus and others were a concern so maybe he could get Danny to leave even just for that, even if Danny thought it was a temporary thing. Maybe Danny would trust at least that Boyd, due to his job, knew a better way for safe passage for Danny than Danny would easily and quickly be able to scrounge up for himself. Boyd was planning to all but force Danny to take the safe route Boyd would have prepared for him, to try to protect him. 

Assuming Danny didn’t want him to go with for whatever reason, Boyd was going to tell Danny he loved him when Danny left, and then Boyd figured he would never see him again. He figured eventually Danny would come to grips with what happened, and would accept the truth on some level whether or not he liked it. But Boyd knew that if he told Danny everything, and if Danny fled Annadale, then the Agency wouldn’t be long behind. And he couldn’t let that happen. Nor could he risk any of his friends back at the Agency getting implicated in anything, if the Agency thought he’d told them everything. 

So his plan was to make sure Danny got away safely, make sure Danny was in the hands of someone or some process that wouldn’t let him do something stupid like come right back to Annadale before he realized the truth, and then Boyd would go back to the Agency and either wait for them to realize what he had done (which would give Danny more time to get away), or depending on the circumstances and whether he felt Danny needed more protection, he might find a way to send false positives about Danny sightings to the Agency in an automated way that would continue to protect Danny into the future. He may have also attempted to break into areas of the Agency to further this goal by fucking with their systems or trying to delete information about Danny in the computer system or whatever it was he learned would help and he was capable of doing.

Regardless, he knew that as soon as Danny was gone and if he didn’t go with him, then it was only a matter of time until the Agency realized what Boyd had done.

So, Boyd knew if he didn’t go with Danny, he was dead.

He planned to delay and confuse the Agency as long as possible and automate as much as he could so Danny would continue to have protection going into the future even after Boyd’s death. Boyd figured that ultimately the Agency would go after him to find out where Danny was, and Boyd assumed he would die a slow, torturous death of them trying to get that information from him. His main goal in all of that was to make sure the Agency didn’t get anything from him that could endanger Danny, or endanger any of Boyd’s friends. He wanted to make sure it was clear to the Agency that he hadn’t told the others anything, so they wouldn’t be a target of the Agency’s wrath as well once he was gone.

He did worry about his friends back in the Agency if Danny decided to ask Boyd to go with him, but he still planned to go with in that event because he wanted to be there to protect and support Danny–to make sure the Agency never got him.

From Boyd’s assumptions about how everything would play out, he saw the conversation with Danny as a literally life or death situation, not just for Danny but also for himself. Telling Danny the truth meant endangering Danny, and potentially signing his own death warrant. But he would have done it regardless of the consequences on himself, because he felt at that time that Danny was getting too close to danger without the information, and he didn’t know how else to protect Danny or make sure he could remain safe, happy, and free far into the future. That goal was more important to Boyd than anything else.

I’m not sure if anyone will think any of that sounds a bit dramatic, but Boyd’s mindset was that the Agency would try to kill him and try to recover Danny at all costs, which ended up being accurate to what was seen later. He may or may not have been right about specifics about how it could have gone down, but the stakes of that conversation were quite high in the long run, so he would have tried to prepare for all the variations as best he could, while assuming something would go wrong in the process, because Boyd’s experience was something almost always went wrong when it came to the Agency.

He figured a sacrifice was inevitable at those high of stakes and considering the circumstances and the wrath the Agency was likely to have. When it came down to it, the only sacrifice he felt safe offering for the protection of everyone else was sacrificing himself so everyone else could stay as safe and free as possible. So his plan was built as much around shielding everyone else and giving Danny as much of a safety buffer as possible, with Boyd being the main way of trying to throw the Agency off as long as possible with false information or misleading clues. That was, he figured, the best way for him to try to control as many variables as possible to extend Danny’s safety net as long as Boyd could hold out.

This may all seem a bit tangential to mention but I mention it because Boyd would have been thinking about all of this when he went into his conversation with Danny, so he would have been adjusting the way he said things and how quickly he brought up new information based on how Danny was reacting, because his ultimate goal had to be to get Danny out of there immediately, and to stay gone, and for that he needed Danny to trust him enough to believe at least that the imminent danger to Danny was real and that Boyd’s offered escape was safe, even if Danny didn’t believe everything. All of that would have greatly affected exactly how that conversation went.

2) There probably were, especially in the beginning. I could see there still being some now… it’s a little hard to say because we haven’t written much interaction of their relationship as it is now, and a lot of times with Boyd I don’t always know how he’ll react to something until I’m at that moment in that scene in his mind. There are times I think he’d react one way when thinking about that scene ahead of time but we get there and he reacts a totally different way. I always go with it because it makes sense for him as a person, and it reminds me constantly that I am not him so I can’t always speak for him properly. That may sound like a weird thing to say about a character and it probably sounds cheesy for me to say but I think of characters like real people–I may have an insight into their mindset from knowing them so well, but I don’t always know what they will do or how they will feel until I’m at that moment writing it out.

I know he does have residual issues from that mission and also from everything with Janus later in Fade, because it all fed together. 

Things that I know specifically would trigger him or freak him the fuck out include some of the things we already saw referenced or implied in Fade, like:

**Him having a panic attack aversion to the idea of having to perform on screen or have any sort of sexual or intimate interaction with Hsin for the gratification of others. Depending on how thrown off he is, this could transfer to other, more innocuous situations too, like he could potentially freak out even if it’s just him doing something non-intimate and non-sexual with Hsin and others watching/commenting/paying a lot of attention to it. If they’re in a setting where there are a lot of bright lights aimed at them, people watching their every move, maybe cameras going, people commenting on him, basically something that could throw him back into a flashback of filming the videos or being forced to perform for/with groups/etc, then even something like, let’s say, Hsin/Boyd doing a training exercise to show others how to fight against mods using two different skill sets (Hsin’s and Boyd’s) could potentially trigger him into some sort of panicked, dissociated reaction. Or he may not have any problems at all.

**He may similarly have panicked reactions to porn videos, and absolutely would freak out if he thought Hsin ran across one he was in. He’s never told Hsin the extent of any of that and doesn’t want him to know about the movies he was in, let alone have Hsin ever see them. Although he would definitely react negatively to one with him in it, if there were some other porn video playing there’s a possibility he wouldn’t freak out after all. It’s hard to say, but I do think that’s pretty likely to be a stressor for him.

**He’s now freaked the fuck out over the idea of being drugged, which might extend at times to a distrust even of taking lower level medication he would have taken without a thought in the past, like Advil or Tylenol. He doesn’t at all trust people coming at him with a syringe and might react violently if he’s already feeling vulnerable. Although this isn’t likely to come into play for Hsin and Boyd’s sexual relationship, it’s something that potentially could have come up at times if Boyd, say, had a really bad headache or was hurt or something and if Hsin for some reason thought he should take medication and Boyd was really hesitant. He would 100% trust Hsin but he wouldn’t trust who made or provided the medicine to Hsin for Boyd, depending on the situation. It may not be a problem if he feels like Hsin verified everything, because he trusts Hsin to protect him and make sure he won’t take anything unsafe. In some circumstances, absolutely the only way he would allow someone to administer drugs to him is if Hsin is there and will be there the whole time and saw the drugs be put into his IV or whatever it’s in. Even then, he may be really leery because he may be afraid of showing a side of himself to Hsin that he’s ashamed of, if he’s afraid the drug will be some sort of aphrodisiac or similar. But then, as always, there are also other circumstances where he might take the medication without freaking out.

**From an intimate or sexual standpoint, I don’t know. That’s a lot harder because he trusts Hsin not only with his life but also with his sanity, his heart, and his body. His phobias and triggers all tie into the same idea: losing control, and especially having that vulnerability then used against him. That can be said about his fear of being held down, his fear of drowning, and then the fears and triggers he developed after Alexio and after Janus and even after the Agency. 

He gets to a point where he almost entirely loses his fear of losing control around Hsin, because he knows Hsin won’t use it against him. But he still has a fear of losing himself. Even if he knows Hsin will love him no matter what, the idea of turning into Cameron around Hsin is absolutely horrifying to Boyd. He feels like being Cameron takes power away from him. He loses control of himself, even if it isn’t due to others taking that control from him, if that makes sense.

So I think that implicit and unshakable trust he has with Hsin is one hugely comforting part of being around Hsin and might do a lot to fight against triggers or extreme reactions he may otherwise have. But at the same time, no matter how much he loves and trusts Hsin, being triggered or having an extreme reaction isn’t a question of love or trust, nor does he always have control over whether it will happen. It’s a question of brain chemistry and memories and human psychology, all of which are things that can work autonomously from logic or his thoughts or feelings on a topic.

So it’s hard to say because I think those are two very powerful forces, and whether it affects his relationship with Hsin depends entirely on what force wins out and what was the impetus for the stress in the first place. 

That may seem like a non-answer and if so, sorry! I just don’t know for sure yes/no because there are too many extenuating factors to know for sure.

Hopefully all of this makes sense. I ended up replying to this pretty late at night which means I’m more talkative even than normal but also sometimes I word things super confusingly and go on tangents. If I didn’t answer something properly, let me know :) And I hope you have a great day!

[easilymakermoney]

Digital Advertising Interviewing — A Tried & True Course of For Success

Excellence in digital advertising is not non-obligatory for many companies and organizations – digital platforms are evolving at a breakneck tempo, usurping roles traditionally performed by conventional channels and permeating throughout each facet of the advertising combine.

That makes hiring high-quality digital entrepreneurs one of the crucial necessary issues for an company or group to do properly. Sadly, the identical issues which might be driving demand for digital advertising (a number of of which I discussed above) pose the best impediment for hiring digital advertising expertise – in any case, how does one rent if for a task that’s in a state of perpetual evolution? How will we craft a job description that’s extra seemingly than to not be out of date inside the yr? What questions ought to we ask to search out out if the one who appears to be like good on paper is up for the problem?

This can be a subject to which I’ve given a considerable quantity of thought and devoted many a whole lot of hours to over the previous few years. And a whole lot of interviews later, right here’s what I’ve discovered to work greatest.

The everyday interview (not less than, in my expertise) focuses on three “buckets” of questions, requested in a Q&A format with restricted dialogue or back-and-forth:  

(1) Objectives & motivational questions (“Why do you need to work right here?” “The place do you see your self in X years?” “What makes this firm completely different than our competitors?”)

(2) Onerous skillset & expertise questions (“Inform me a few time while you did X”, “How does Google decide which advert is proven in response to a search question?”, “What FB marketing campaign aim would you employ to perform X aim?”, “How would you construction programmatic show advert buys to transform prospects into prospects for X product”)

(three) Gentle expertise questions (“How would you deal with X scenario?”, “Inform me a few time you overcame a problem”, “What mistake have you ever made not less than twice?”, “How would you deal with a scenario in you had been requested to do one thing that made you uncomfortable?”)

And within the overwhelming majority of interviews, the questions from (2) are the point of interest of the interview and are weighted most closely by the interviewer, largely on account of the truth that these questions have traditionally tended to supply the best perception into whether or not or not the interviewee will have the ability to fulfill the roles and tasks of the place.

What Works For Conventional Interviews Doesn’t All the time Work For Digital Interviews

Right here’s the issue we’ve discovered with this method relating to hiring digital advertising expertise: when platforms, methods, and techniques are evolving this quickly, the identical technical course of that produces good outcomes at this time may produce large failures tomorrow, just by advantage of platforms, methods & techniques altering. That’s all made extra sophisticated by the inherent “luck” concerned in any profitable digital advertising marketing campaign (although few of us will admit it, as “luck” isn’t one thing that we’re comfy accepting – and that’s one other subject for an additional time).

The top results of this realization is that we’ve shifted our method in interviews to focus closely on course of as an alternative of outcomes. Which means we’re considerably much less previously outcomes achieved in a particular situation and extra within the method that led to these outcomes, from a technical standpoint, a strategic standpoint, and a private standpoint.

What does this imply for our interview extra typically? Effectively, it means a VERY completely different kind of interview format with a big quantity of back-and-forth, in addition to dramatically completely different interview questions which might be closely weighted towards gentle expertise, important pondering & course of as an alternative of conventional questions that assess onerous expertise and previous outcomes.

Under are a few of the query varieties, together with particular examples, we’ve discovered to be most useful in figuring out exceptionally proficient digital entrepreneurs so as to add to our group:

Case Questions

These questions are usually “mini-scenarios” the place the interviewee is given some baseline data, then requested to inform us how s/he would method the scenario. These questions do not have a “proper” reply – the aim is to achieve perception into the interviewee’s thought course of, in addition to observe how s/he handles ambiguous conditions.

If throughout these questions, an interviewee asks for added data, we frequently ask why that data is critical, then select whether or not or to not present it (and we don’t fear about having this data ready forward of time; we invent a believable reply on the spot since there isn’t a proper reply to those questions). In reality, we’ve usually discovered that we study extra concerning the candidate’s course of by asking why s/he would love the extra data than we do from “reply” we’re given after we’ve supplied that data.  

The fantastic thing about these questions is threefold: (1) they’re deceptively complicated, (2) they’re platform, technique and tactic agnostic and (three) they’re lifelike (i.e. there are many shoppers/potential shoppers who will ask related questions in conferences, calls, and many others.). As an interviewer, be happy to ask questions throughout the response – whether or not that be to query why the interviewee chosen a specific method, push again on a technique/platform, or ask why the interviewee didn’t use an alternate methodology/method. Executed properly, these questions ought to immediate a dialogue that gives perception into how the interviewee thinks on his/her ft and the way s/he approaches difficult conditions.

Under are a number of examples of case questions– be happy to regulate them to your trade, challenges, preferences, and many others.

Think about now we have a shopper that’s introducing their product to X nation/market. This can be a revolutionary product that the inhabitants has by no means heard of earlier than however does fill an unmet want among the many individuals. The inhabitants of the nation/market is X, and our shopper wish to obtain 10% market share in 2 years. How giant of a funds would you suggest, how would you spend it, and why? Now we have a shopper that’s experiencing a decline in gross sales of their flagship widget product. How would you go about correcting this problem? What number of X are situated in/may slot in Y? (i.e. what number of cows are there in Texas, what number of ping pong balls may slot in a 737, what number of potatoes are used at McDonald’s)

Puzzle/Logical Questions

Nice digital entrepreneurs are usually sturdy analytical & logical thinkers – which makes an excessive amount of sense when one considers the *varieties* of issues they’re requested to resolve: the optimum solution to construction accounts/campaigns; how you can analyze methodically completely different bits of information to derive “massive image” conclusions concerning the efficacy of a specific technique, platform or tactic; what the logical connection is between a two items of information (did one trigger the opposite? Is one merely correlated to the opposite? Does a connection even exist?), and many others.

We’ve discovered that nice digital entrepreneurs are usually people who exhibit a mix of creativity, problem-solving capacity, and psychological agility – and these questions are designed to check these expertise. Not like the case/situation questions above, these questions DO have an accurate reply (generally multiple) – although our focus tends to be targeting assessing the thought course of fairly than the ultimate reply. Some examples of these kinds of questions are beneath:

Given a 7-minute hourglass and an 11-minute hourglass, how do I boil an egg in precisely 15 minutes? Think about I’ve three incorrectly labeled containers. One accommodates solely oranges, one accommodates solely apples and one accommodates apples and oranges. You aren’t allowed to look inside any of the containers, however you’re allowed to request a pattern from any field. What number of samples do it’s good to label every field accurately? There are 5 baggage of cash. Considered one of them is filled with faux cash, and the opposite 4 are stuffed with actual cash. The one distinction between a faux coin and an actual coin is the burden — an actual coin weighs precisely 1 gram; a faux coin weighs precisely 1.1 grams. You’ve got a superbly correct digital scale that you may solely use solely as soon as. How do you identify which bag is faux?

“Clarify it to Me” Questions

Whereas it’s fantastic to search out candidates who exhibit problem-solving acumen & technical wizardry, these expertise alone don’t make an important digital marketer. Most digital methods, platforms, and techniques are usually comparatively complicated, which is why shoppers rent an skilled digital company within the first place. Nevertheless, that doesn’t imply that the shopper needs hyper-technical, sophisticated communication from their associate – in actual fact, the shopper often needs the precise reverse: easy, easy, easy-to-understand explanations that permit them to grasp what’s taking place with out getting misplaced within the technical stuff.

Coincidentally, people who’ve an in-depth understanding of a fancy subject usually have the flexibility to distill that into easy, easy-to-understand language – so these kinds of questions can serve a twofold goal: (1) they permit the interviewer to get a greater sense of whether or not or not the interviewee actually understands a given subject and/or (2) they take a look at the interviewee’s capacity to simplify an extremely complicated subject beneath stress. Listed here are a number of examples of these kinds of questions:

How do you clarify a TV to somebody who hasn’t seen or used one earlier than? Let’s assume I’m eight years outdated & in 2nd grade. Now, please clarify to me what you do and why you’re good at it. Fake I’m a small youngster. Clarify to me how search engines like google and yahoo (or social media networks) work.

As with a few of the questions above, these are deceptively complicated – and the problem solely will get larger in the event you (the interviewer) decides to ask questions throughout the response. These questions ought to be evaluated based mostly on how successfully the candidate was in a position to clarify the sophisticated object into easy, easy-to-understand language beneath stress. Once more, the aim of those questions is to not get an ideal reply, however fairly to see if the candidate is ready to articulate a solution that’s correct, demonstrates an in-depth understanding of the article in query and which stands as much as affordable scrutiny/questioning.

Character/Behavioral Questions

Constructing an important group is each bit as necessary as hiring good particular person expertise, which is why these “outdated normal” questions are nonetheless related. These questions are included in each interview and are designed to assist the interviewer perceive how a candidate thinks, handles stress and interacts with others.

How would others describe you in three phrases? Inform me a few mission/marketing campaign/initiative by which you had been concerned that resulted in failure. Would you fairly play chess or poker? Why? Would you fairly be good & late OR good & on-time? What’s the distinction between a dialog & an argument? Nobody is ideal – everybody makes errors. Inform me a few time while you want you had dealt with a scenario with a coworker higher/in another way. When is the final time you made a mistake? What three issues would you want me to neglect about you?

Finally, there isn’t a “magic” to those questions – merely asking them isn’t a cure-all to hiring nice digital advertising expertise. These questions are merely a software that helps us perceive how candidates assume, which in flip permits us to find out the optimum candidate to rent for a digital advertising place.

On the finish of the day, we’re searching for exceptionally shiny individuals who perceive how you can assume holistically, logically & strategically about complicated issues, how you can talk these ideas merely, and how you can work towards implementing their options collaboratively. These questions simply assist us get a greater thought if a given candidate suits that invoice.

– –

In case you’re enthusiastic about a profession in digital advertising then be sure you try the PPC Hero Job Board and the Digital Advertising Strategist position at Warschawski.

from Easily Maker Money https://easilymakermoney.com/2019/03/26/digital-advertising-interviewing-a-tried-true-course-of-for-success/

[john-rowell]

How to take sharper photos!

How to take sharper Photos

We are always trying to get razor sharp images but sometimes it is difficult, especially if you don't know what your are doing wrong...  There are many factors that could make an image sharp, more than I originally anticipated. Here are 20 tips that will help you get the sharpest image possible! To make things easier I have broken it down into 5 categories:

The Basics

Focusing system

Stabilization

Technique

Your gear

The Basics

The primary reason for not sharp images is not knowing how your camera work, so this first section is going to go over each of the core elements of taking an image and seeing how they affect the sharpness of your image.

1) Shutter speed

This is usually the prime reason for blurry images. The shutter speed as double impact on the image being blurry.

The first relates to the subject. When your shutter speed is slow, than you will get motion blur. If the subject is moving quickly then you you need a fast shutter speed to "freeze" the action and make a sharp subject (if that is what you are going for). Motion blur can create a great dimension to your image, but is not always desired. As a general rule of thumb, you will need ~1/1000.

The second is to do with you, and is called camera shake. If your shutter speed is slow, any movements YOU make, no matter how small, will blur the whole image. This is very evident the longer (or more telephoto) your lens is. The longer the lens the more camera shake you get. In order to avoid camera shake, a general rule of thumb is don't use a shutter speed lower than 1/focal length of the lens you are using. For example, if you are using a 300mm lens you should not use a shutter speed lower than 1/300, otherwise you risk camera shake. This is obviously not applicable for everyone, depending on your abilities, but is a good starting point to gage it for yourself.

If you have any questions about shutter speeds, read this!

2) Aperture

Often images are called blurry when in fact they are not, they have just not focused accurately. This is a problem with low f/number lenses as depth of field is so low, it is easy to miss the target. If this is happening to you one option is to use a narrower aperture (higher f/ number), this will give you a deeper depth of field and means more of your subject will be in focus. However, remember, by increasing the f/number, you're letting in less light and will need to reduce the shutter speed or increase the ISO accordingly! It is all a balance.

Different apertures will give different sharpness. Lenses are rarely sharpest wide open, and to get the sharpest image you can from a lens you will need to stop it down a bit. For example, if you have a 50mm f/1.8, it will be sharpest around f/2.8 to f/4. However, the sharpness will get worse again after the optimal aperture so higher is not always best. This is different for every lens, so you will just have to test it for yourself. :)

Rule of thumb : 2 stops slower is generally sharpest.

3) Keep your ISO low

The higher the ISO the lower the image quality is, sharpness included. So you always want to keep your ISO as low as possible. For more information on choosing your ISO, I suggest you read this post I did:

Focusing system

Another prominent reason for not sharp images is due to focusing, that is how the lens projects the light onto your cameras sensor. I regularly see great images ruined because of incorrect focusing, mainly due to the the focus not being where it should and thus making the subject not sharp! In this section I will go over ways to make sure your focus is spot-on!

4) Manual FOCUS (MF)

The main advantage of DSLRs is the ability to view your shots immediately on the LCD at the back...  This revolutionized photography for the masses. It also has another great use, manual focus. You can use your cameras live-view feature and zoom in (10x for me) to get a very precise view, allowing you to manually focus with precision.

5) The right Focusing Mode

MF is the best way to guarantee correct focus, but it has a major drawback; it is horribly slooooooooow. So most of the time, we use the cameras auto-focus instead, but it is important to use the correct focusing mode.

Cameras also tend to have another mode, that is an "intelligent" blend of the two. Avoid it, as it guesses what you are trying to do, and sometimes will guess wrong.

There are basically two types of Focusing mode on a modern DSLR; a mode that focuses once when taking the image (OneShot/AF-S), and one that focusing continually (IServo/AF-C). Each has its place, and if not used correctly, does not work well.

For example, OneShot focusing on canon, will focus and then take the image. If you use this on a static subject, it works great and is very accurate, but if you use it on a moving subject (particularly one moving closer or away from you), by the time it takes the picture, the subject has moved position and it will miss the focus. Like everything there are pros and cons, but the bottom line is this:

Still/static subject - use OneShot/AF-S

Moving subject use IServo/AF-C.

A note on IServo : Some cameras have settings for finer control of IServo, if your camera can do this, you should look into this so you can get the best out of your camera!

6) Use Single Auto-focus (AF) point

Modern cameras are packed with AF points, but just because you have 64+ of them does not mean you should use them all at the same time. By changing your camera setting to use only 1 of your AF points, it will allow you to focus more precisely on what you want sharp.

The exception for this point is birds in flight...  using just 1 AF point makes it very hard indeed.

7) The correct AF point

Following on from using a single AF point comes using the best AF point! Usually this is the one closest to the subject. It is important to place it over the EYE of the subject (if it has eyes, if not, well, the main point of interest). So select an AF point that gives you the composition you want, or as close possible. On another note, YOUR centre AF is usually the best one, so in low light conditions use that to focus, it will be the most accurate.

If you have not got a focus point where you exactly want it (a common problem), then use the closest AF point, focus, recompose the shot how you want it, and then press the shutter.

If you've not read it already, I recommend you read a post I did on how the AF system works, and why it fails in low light situations and on dark subjects.

8) Back button focus (BBF)

This is a little bit more advanced, but then again, if you can notice you're images are not as sharp as others, and want to improve, it is relevant to you! :) The default setting puts the focus button and shutter button together, meaning, when you "click" the camera will focus before taking the picture. This makes sense for beginners, but it limits your photography options. By separating the focus from the shutter, you have several advantages:

Don't have to switch between focus modes

If you have your AF mode set to continuous focus, back-button is a huge advantage. press it once and you get one-shot focus, hold it down and you have continuous focus. This can not be done when the focus is initiated by half-pressing the shutter button! No need to switch AF modes (as much).

Can manual focus at any time

Normally, to manual focus, you have to turn AF off on your lens (assuming it has it) and then you can manual focus. with BBF, you just don't focus and you can manual focus whenever you want, no need to change settings! (assuming your lens has full-time MF).

Easier to focus and recompose

If your AF point is not exactly where you want it, or if you are shooting in low light and using only your center point, you need to focus and recompose. In the standard situation, this involved awkwardly half-pressing the image and recomposing (which can only be done in one-shot by the way). I found that this lead to accidental shots, and many missed focuses as it is not a comfortable situation. With BBF, you press to focus, then move and press the shutter when-ever you want! :)

The Cons!

Like everything in life there are some down-sides...  but for this situation, in my opinion, there are few. The main one being you will probably screw up some shots while getting use to the new settings, but this is minimal and I find people get used to it very quickly! The only other down-side I can think of, is if you give your camera to someone else to take a pic of your good self, their images won't focus, as the average Joe does not know BBF! :)

Stabilization

I've already mentioned camera shake in the very section of this post, and this whole section is linked to that... It is important to hold your camera still (relative to your subject) in order to get a sharp image.

9) OS/IS/VR/VC

If your lens has it, use image stabilization (or whatever your lens calls it). This is a clever bit of mechanics that reduces camera shake, allowing you to take stable images at up to 1/4 the normal shutter speed (1/25 instead of 1/100 for example). This will not, however, help with motion blur in your subject, so it only really helps with stationary or slow moving subjects!

When shooting moving images you might want to pan with your subject. For this kind of motion there is often a specific IS mode on your camera so that the IS does not interfere with your lens panning.

  10) Hold your camera properly

Holding your camera correctly is important to get the best stability, reduce camera shake and get sharp images...  It is also important for you, especially when you are using big heavy lenses, and avoiding injuring yourself! That is why I took the advice of chiropractor come photographer Shelly Lake in a previous post!

11) Squeeze the trigger, don't click it!

Clicking the shutter moves the camera, introducing camera shake, so squeeze it slowly, don't click it harshly! Mastering this will allow you to reduce your shutter speed if needed/appropriate.

12) Continuous shooting

Following on from above, I suggest using continuous shooting mode on your camera. Hold down and fire off more than 1 shot. This is particularly useful when at a less than ideal shutter speed, as the movement of pressing the shutter causes camera shake, and this way the 2nd, 3rd, 4th pics are more likely to be sharper...

13) Tripod

For situation where you need or can use a slow shutter speed (stars, landscapes etc...), a tripod is a requirement. A Tripod is not really applicable for fast moving subjects (other than to rest your tired arms) since to get the subject sharp, you would need a shutter-speed so high that stabilization is less of an issue. However, it will allow you to use ANY shutter speed you need or want without introducing camera shake as long as you consider the following:

It is a good quality tripod, you want a good solid base for your camera that can easily hold the weight of your camera and lens.

Remember to turn the stabilization off on your lens when you mount your camera on a tripod. It can actually introduce camera shake in this situation, by trying to correct shakes that are not there!

Use a remote/shutter release, because even on a tripod you can still get camera shake from pressing the shutter button. If you don't have a remote, put the camera on a self-timer, so it has time to 'stabilize' before taking the picture.

Sometimes even the 'slap' of a DSLR mirror is enough to add blur to your image. So use mirror lock-up or shoot in live-view to avoid this.

The heavier your tripod is, the more stable it is from the wind...  so add your bag to it!

If you don't have a tripod, use a wall, bean bag, towel or anything that will hold your camera still.

Techniques

These are some other tips, and to be honest I couldn't think of a good name for them, so I just called it techniques. :)

14) Find Good lighting

The better the light, the more options we have for getting the sharpest images. So try finding better light. this could me moving your safari jeep to a better vantage point or putting the subject in a different location. Good lighting makes photography easy, and will let you get the best image possible. Trying to get a sharp image in sub-optimal conditions is a lot harder, so make it easy on yourself.

In this case it was of my wife using an iPhone6...  not known for their low-light prowess, so we moved so we could use the light from a restaurant window to increase the image quality and sharpness in turn.

More light generally means more options.

15) Use a flash

Using a flash is another technique that will help you get sharper images, particularly with portraits. It will all you to control the light on your subject and let you use camera settings (shutter speed, aperture, ISO) that will give you sharper images!

16) Don't be afraid of high ISO

Good lighting is will make a lot of difference to your images but we are not always in control of it. In situations like in wildlife photography, where we still need a high shutter speed, the only option is to increase the ISO. Noise and image quality in high ISO images can be dealt with (at least a little) in post-processing, motion blur/camera shake can not. So, I'd rather have a higher ISO image that captures the action, than a low ISO blurry mess! :) Like all settings in your camera, we are balancing the positive and negative aspects to get the best result we can. For more information on how to take better images at high ISO check this out!

17) Get closer

The closer you are to your subject, the sharper the image will be. There are are a couple of reasons for this:

The less air between you and the subject, the less the air is reducing your image quality (including sharpness). This may not sound significant, but when you are taking pictures of distant objects on a hot day, all that haze kills your image sharpness

The details are bigger, so the image looks sharper

The closer you are, the less camera shake effects the image (the same applies with wide angle lenses)

Your gear

A camera and lens for a photographer is like a saucepan and cooker for a chef. A chef can cook a fantastic meal with anything, and having the best saucepans and cookers does not make someone a Michelin starred chef. However, better pans and cookers does make it easier to make a delicious meal when you know what you are doing! Along this philosophy, I would recommend mastering everything above before considering this last section.

18) Lens

If you are doing everything correctly above, and your images are still not as sharp as you want, you might want to look into upgrading your lens! Lenses have the biggest impact on image quality and retain their value...  You can use the same lens on several subsequent camera bodies.

Better lenses are sharper and often provide better stabilization. But, with great quility comes great prices, they are also very expensive!

If you have the best possible lens and your images are still not sharp...  It's you! :P

19) Camera

To a lesser extent than a lens, your camera can also improve the sharpness of your images. So for peak sharpness changing your camera can make a difference, but get the best lenses first!

Here are several key factors of your camera that make a difference to sharpness:

Sensor size - From my opinion the biggest difference comes with using a full-frame camera vs a crop-sensor camera. Full-frame gives you the best and sharpest images, if you know what you are doing of course!

The AF system - The best cameras have the best AF systems. They are faster at focusing your lens, can see better the in the dark and are more accurate. They can be optimized more and will might have more AF points spread more across the frame. All of these together might help you get sharper images.

ISO performance - Newer cameras have better high ISO performance...  this will increase the quality of your images at higher ISO's. And of course you ability to have a usable image at a higher ISO will allow you to balance your shutter speed and aperture accordingly to get the best result.

Megapixels - The more megapixels you have the more detail in your image, and the sharper it can be. But be warned, this is only true if you have VERY GOOD LENSES.

20) Camera/lens pairing

Sometimes a lens is not perfectly aligned with the camera. The result of this is that the final image is slightly front-focussed (focusses slightly in-front of the subject) or back-focussed (focuses slightly behind the subject). This is only really noticeable when you have a narrow depth-of-field, and is rarely a problem. I have only ever experienced it once.

But don't fear, this focusing problem can be fixed in most high-end cameras using Auto-Focus Micro Adjustments (AFMA). AFMA allows you to readjust this setting to optimise your lens and camera pairing by telling the cameras AF system how to compensate for this error. This is not a quick and easy topic to go over, so i suggest you look up the specifics for your camera. Canon made a nice guide for this...  you can check it out by clicking on the image below. :)

The bottom line:

There are a lot of factors that can contribute to an image being sharp or not. You will have to figure out which one will help you!

There is another factor to sharp images, and that is to process them correctly. I'm working on a post about that now. :)

Leave a comment if you found this useful or if you have any other nuggets of wisdom to share! :)