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#then came into school on monday only to be told that my former best friend had come out as a lesbian on the gc
beemynumberone · 3 months
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Heartbreaker
-> a rendition of how Oikawa Tooru and gf!reader broke up
-> angst, written mainly as a recount from reader’s POV
-> inspired by Majorie by Taylor Swift (the regret of losing someone you didn’t treasure enough, but mainly the angst tho)
-> constructive feedback is always appreciated!
Writer’s note: Hi! I am writing these scenarios to placate my active imagination and hopefully make someone’s day/night. I do not intend to hurt anyone/anything through this fic.
Thank you for picking up my story and happy reading!
Part 1
Chapter 4:
Disaster by the name of Kageyama Tobio struck when we moved to third year. It came slowly but surely and well, I tried my best to be a supportive girlfriend. But my best was still not enough. For the both of us.
Our Mondays remained the same, we would go to the convenience store after school, grab a snack, calculate calories, complain about diets, choose the original snack anyway then play payment roulette at the cashier. The cashiers all knew us by name but called us that cute couple anyway. It was our thing.
However, everything else changed. Tooru’s favourite conversation starter became Kageyama Tobio. A first year in Karasuno High and a former volleyball teammate (or rival? I couldn’t tell until Iwa told me) in middle school. On our long cycles, the occasional remarks became Oikawa ranting about Kageyama. Even while panting and puffing his way up a hill, Tooru would talk in between gasped breaths about him. I didn’t mind the extra words. I however, did mind the way Tooru seemed obsessed about the poor dude.
Kageyama this, Kageyama that. How funny that I was worried about losing my boyfriend to a volleyball rival and not another girl. Oikawa was strangely loyal like that, I supposed.
Chapter 6:
It all came to a head when the volleyball season was nearing. Tooru, the hardworking gentleman I knew became a shell of himself. Even after his team volleyball practice, he would continue practising his spikes, sets and serves until his “fingers had no strength to grip the door key to lock the door”, as Mattsun whispered to me, concerned for his friend and captain.
So on a Wednesday, I waited for Tooru to finish his volleyball practice. At 6pm, I stood outside the indoor hall, waiting for the familiar matted brown hair I grew to love. Some boys wearing the cyan jersey rushed out cheering. The second years moved pass me, some bowing their heads. Then the third years came out. I waited and watched. Iwaizumi was at the back of the group. He looked at me, shaking his head. “He’s still inside. Please convince him to stop. The coaches and all of us are afraid he will burn himself out. You’re the only one who can stop himself y/n.”
“Tooru, are you there?” I walked down the steps into the hall, trying not to breathe in too hard the musty concoction of sweat and axe body spray. I walked pass the spectator steps, down to the only remaining net.
The boy in question didn’t hear me apparently. He continued to dribble the ball, tossing it into the air and jumping.
The ball whooshed into the air and slammed into the other court. I swallowed my words. How could I stop this talented guy from doing what he always wanted, what he always told me about with sparkling eyes that shone as brightly as the stars in the night sky.
And as Tooru kept serving one ball after the other, the sky outside grew darker and darker.
Chapter 7:
It was a Saturday morning when I got the call from Iwaizumi. “Y/n, Oikawa’s injured. His knee gave way while practising.”
And just like that, our routine changed.
The Monday convenience store trips were now facilitated by me. The old granny cashier asked me where my “handsome boyfriend” was. I smiled at her, tight-lipped. “He’s injured. Overstrained his knee.” The granny made a sad face and patted my arm. “Hope he gets well quickly. My grandson says that the volleyball games are coming soon.” I sighed.
Our cycling trips were now shifted indoors. So it became movie sleepover nights, which then turned to watching-past-volleyball-game-nights. I frowned at Tooru, whose eyes had been glued to the glowing screen for the past 2 and a half hours. Must have been something that led to his bespectacled life, I guessed with a heavy heart.
“Tooru, let’s sleep okay? It’s really late.”
Chapter 8 (The beginning of the end):
Tooru had finally gotten the clear to start training again. He was eager to walk with me to the convenience store again, say hi to the nice cashier, pay for all the food I’d paid for while he was resting. And soon he got greedy, as usual.
“Let’s go cycling again y/n.” Tooru was a fighter, I could get that.
So we started small. 10 minutes and pain evident on Tooru’s face was all I needed to stop. “Let’s try again next week Tooru, baby steps remember?”
10 minutes grew to 30 in a matter of a month. Tooru seemed happier about his mobility.
“Y/n, do you think coach would let me play in the upcoming season?”
“If he cared about your wellbeing, I don’t think so.”
“How could you say that! Where’s the supportive girlfriend you were when I was spiking that Wednesday?”
“Yea, I was a supportive girlfriend and look where we are now. Please Tooru, listen to me, you should at least let your knee recuperate. We did 2 hours before with no pain. Let’s aim for that first.”
The next week, Tooru wanted to do 2 hours. Of course I said no because he was going to hurt himself.
Tooru sulked and grumbled all the way to his room about everyone being so mean to him. My heart sank. At the top of the staircase, I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Why are you like this?”
“Like what?”
“Always pushing yourself to the ends of your limits and ignoring all the advice given to you. It’s really worrying y’know.”
Tooru blurted out with shiny eyes. “I can’t let Kageyama win me. You know that he’s more talented than I am so I must work ten times harder than what he does. I want to beat him. I have to, y/n.”
I should’ve taken his vulnerability as an answer and let it all slide. But I was tired. Tired of always being placed after his volleyball.
“Kageyama this, Kageyama that. Why are you making this so big of an issue?”
“You don’t understand me y/n!”
“Well yea, I don’t. I don’t understand why you are putting so much pressure on yourself when you know your body cant take it. Everyone’s worried sick about you!”
Tooru’s smile turned rigid. I waited with bated breath for what came next.
“If you could just stop caring about me for once, you would stop worrying.”
“What are you suggesting? Of course I care for you Tooru! You’ll make me less worried if you’d just listen.”
“No I won’t. I love volleyball.”
My heart dropped. “Did you ever once think that you liked me? At least close to your love for volleyball?”
Those warm brown eyes, now stone cold and filled with hatred were looking at me.
“No. I never thought of you that way.”
No, I wasn’t going to break down in front of this guy. My lip trembled as I fought my tears to remain hidden. I could feel Oikawa’s eyes boring into my bowed head. He was analysing, wondering what he could get out of this, just like the first time we met.
My expectations were too high. This was high school, sweetheart. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Well done y/n.
“Let’s break up. I think it’s better for the both of us Oikawa.”
I looked up, gave a defiant glare and bolted crying. Tears streamed down my face and I didn’t bother to wipe them off. Let him see me in this miserable state, let him gloat or regret. I didn’t care anymore.
I unlocked my bike and took off. I didn’t know where to, I just knew I wanted to be as far away from that guy as possible. I wiped my teary eyes and out came a contact lens. I stared at it, flashbacks of our first encounter came back. The heart fluttering moment now tinged with sadness. I was never going to fall for deceitfully kind people like him ever again.
Combined with my rage, blurred vision and tears that were starting to fall again, I paddled into the abyss. Missed a pebble. Tripped, bike fell, chain came out.
And as I knelt on the muddy floor trying to put the stupid chain back on its spikes, I lost it. Whenever my bike chain came out, Oikawa always took the initiative to fix it for me. His deft fingers handling the stubborn chain in mere minutes, which when he stood up, made me feel like he was the saviour of my dreams. His hands were greasy and dirty from touching the chain but if he did care, he never showed it. He would simply dust his hands off, crack a lame joke and we would carry on.
My tears fell as I reminisced on the muddy floor. I hated that I loved him. I hated that I still did.
On Monday, I went to school emotionless. I was desperate to forget him. Even as people whispered about us in the school hallway, I remained silent. When Iwa sat next to me for math class, eyes asking for answers, I sent him a stern look which shut him up.
After school, I couldn’t help myself. I walked over to the same convenience store we always went to. Took the same drink as I always did and went to pay. The granny cashier took one look at me and waived off the fee. A small “Are you alright dear?” later and there I was, sobbing in her arms, babbling apologies for soaking her shirt with my tears and snot. Her gentle countenance and warm words reached out to touch my aching heart and for once I felt peace that I was going to survive this ordeal.
Oikawa’s POV:
“Tooru, please help me take Takeru out. He’s been restless since morning and I have work to do.”
Oikawa grumbled. He couldn’t find it in himself to refuse his sister or that absolutely adorable brat (but he wouldn’t say that of course).
He stood in front of the vanity, hands poised to wear his contacts, when an image of y/n came to mind. Her figure hunched over, phone camera out, trying her hardest to put her contacts in. He couldn’t help but offer assistance.
“Look up for me please.”
Her eyes shone in the morning sun, looking ethereal. She was scared, he could tell. But when she handed over the reins to him, Oikawa felt… trusted. He felt like she saw him for who he was and not by any title. Simply that he was a kind person who was willing and experienced to help her. And after dating her, she never failed to make him feel special even without a title. He loved how she listened to him during their conversations and how she always gave good advice that showed she really did listen to him. He really was a jerk to her, Oikawa sighed, heart sinking.
When he had to go straight home after school, her absence was conspicuous. He wanted to rant about the new teacher and how Iwa teased him again during lunch. He missed her smile and the convenience store trips and even the 10 minute cycling sessions (which were bearable only due to her encouragement and smiles when they passed the 5 minute mark) and everything else about her. Tears welled up and threatened to spill out of his eyes.
*Knock*
Startled, Oikawa poked his eye. His eyes watered.
Takeru strolled into the room.
“What happened Uncle Tooru? Why are your eyes so red?”
Oikawa sniffed back his tears. “Takeru, I’m so bored that I was crying out of boredom cause my girlfriend dumped me. Wanna go out and play?”
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xtruss · 2 years
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Brazilian Mourn Pelé At The Stadium Where He Got His Start
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— By Mauricio Savarese
— January 01, 2023
SANTOS, Brazil (AP) — Thousands of mourners, including high school students and supreme court justices, began filing past the body of Pelé on Monday on the century-old field where he made his hometown team one of Brazil’s best.
The soccer great died on Thursday after a battle with cancer. He was the only player ever to win three World Cups, and he was 82.
Pelé’s coffin, draped in the flags of Brazil and the Santos FC football club, was placed on the midfield area of Vila Belmiro, the stadium outside Sao Paulo that was his home for most of his career. A Catholic Mass will be celebrated there Tuesday morning before his burial at a nearby cemetery. Brazil’s newly inaugurated President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva will come to Vila Belmiro shortly before Pelé’s coffin is removed from the stadium.
The storied 16,000-seat stadium was surrounded by mourners, and covered with Pelé-themed decorations. Fans coming out of the stadium said they’d waited three hours in line, standing under a blazing sun.
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Forty-five years after Pelé played his last game, he’s still a central part of Brazil’s national story.
Geovana Sarmento, 17, came with her father, who was wearing a Brazil shirt with Pelé’s name.
“I am not a Santos fan, neither is my father. But this guy invented Brazil’s national team. He made Santos stronger, he made it big, how could you not respect him? He is one of the greatest people ever, we needed to honor him,” she said.
In the 1960s and 70s, Pelé was perhaps the world’s most famous athlete. He met presidents and queens, and in Nigeria a civil war was put on hold to watch him play. Many Brazilians credit him with putting the country on the world stage.
Caio Zalke, 35, an engineer, also wore a Brazil shirt as he waited in line. “Pelé is the most important Brazilian of all time. He made soccer important for Brazil and he made Brazil important for the world,” he said.
Rows of shirts with Pelé’s number 10 were placed behind one of the goals, waving in the city’s summer winds. A section of the stands was filling up with bouquets of flowers placed by mourners and sent by clubs and star players — Neymar and Ronaldo among them — from around the world as loudspeakers played a song named “Eu sou Pelé” (“I am Pelé”) that was recorded by the Brazilian himself.
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Claudio Carrança, 32, a salesman, said: “I never saw him play, but loving Pelé is a tradition that goes from father to son in Santos. I learned his history, saw his goals, and I see how Santos FC is important because he is important. I know some Santos fans have children supporting other teams. But that’s just because they never saw Pelé in action. If they had, they would feel this gratitude I feel now.”
Santos FC said that more than 1,100 journalists from 23 countries were at the funeral. Dignitaries and friends of Pelé in attendance spoke at the funeral.
Among them was Pelé’s best friend Manoel Maria, who is also a former Santos player. “If I had all the wealth in the world I would never be able to repay what this man did for me and my family. He was as great a man as he was as a player; the best of all time. His legacy will outlive us all. And that can be seen in this long line with people of all ages here.”
FIFA President Gianni Infantino told journalists that every country should name a stadium after Pelé.
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“I am here with a lot of emotion, sadness, but also with a smile because he gave us so many smiles,” Infantino said. “As FIFA, we will pay a tribute to the ‘King’ and we ask the whole world to observe a minute of silence.”
Another fan and friend in line was Brazilian Supreme Court Justice Gilmar Mendes.
“It is a very sad moment, but we are now seeing the real meaning of this legendary player to our country,” Mendes told journalists. “My office has shirts signed by Pelé, a picture of him as a goalkeeper, also signed by him. DVDs, photos, a big collection of him.”
Mendes also said Pelé was a humble man despite his global fame, and that he deserves every tribute.
The casket will be ushered through the streets of Santos before his burial Tuesday.
Pelé had undergone treatment for colon cancer since 2021. The medical center where he had been hospitalized said he died of multiple organ failure as a result of the cancer.
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The soccer star led Brazil to World Cup titles in 1958, 1962 and 1970, and remains one of the team’s all-time leading scorers with 77 goals. Neymar tied Pelé’s record during this year’s World Cup in Qatar.
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How to hide from your feelings 101: live in the library
#right so i am a hater of snapchat and group chats in general cos i always feel like i cant keep up properly#so weve got a groupchat on dnapchat thats my entire friendship group so like..15ish people and it gets so confusing#so i decided to delete snapchat for the weekend cos it was taking up space in my phone and i never used it anyways#so i had a blissful weekend didnt miss it at all#then came into school on monday only to be told that my former best friend had come out as a lesbian on the gc#and everyone else was like yah we thought it was obvious like we got that vibe off her#and obvs cos i am so far in the closet i can see narnia i didnt pick up on it at all whatsoever#cos i brush off any if my suspicons as wishful thinking anyways#so i was in utter shock like i knew her super well for 3 years like it was a group of 3 and wed had countless outings and sleepovers ect#and yah i was a little bit in love with her and yah that might be one of the reasons i stopped being friends with her#and now i just look v v homophobic cos i reacted really weirdly when someone told me and i cant look at her or else ill tell her i loved her#and i cant express how much i cannot under any curvumstance do that EVER#and we stopped being friends on really bad terms as well like its civil and friendly between us now but it wasnt until mayish time#and i dont even like her anymore like shes become really like..pushy? and she thinks getting drunk is a personality trait#and shes just changed completley and it sounds super selfish especially since i did the friendship breakup and she had no idea it was coming#and i really want to write her a letter explaining but i dont know what id say#really i just want to go back to veing fruends with who she used to be but that person doesnt exist anymore!!#and its like if i knew she was a lesbian would anything have changed? would i be braver?#and i cant talk to anyone about it without coming out and i cant do that like the only people that know im a#lesbian is whoever reads these posts so if youve got this far down congrats on being one of the lucky few that know!!#so i dont know what to do now. im just going to sit#maybe read little weirds or the hour of the star#ill be fine#arabella.txt
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gucciwins · 4 years
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Roses and Romeo
Harry and Y/N come back to their hometown after eight years to open up a time capsule they buried ten years ago as high school sophomores. 
Word count: 20,534
A/N: Hello beautiful friends, hope you’ve been well. I’m really excited to share this story. It is a former high school sweethearts to lovers. Thank you to @havethetimeofyourstyles Jill for creating timetravelathon and allowing me to participate. I am very sorry it’s later but I finished!!! I do hope you all love it. 
Also this story is my baby, because i’ve never hit 20k before so this was new and exciting. I just had so many ideas for the story.
please come and tell me your favorite part!
_____
DECEMBER 1989 - SENIOR YEAR 
It's December, and all that is on her mind is how the grass would look covered in snow. The cold breeze, an extra jacket to stay warm, a blanket to bundle up with her favorite person. Safe to say, she can only imagine it because California, specifically Southern California, isn't so keen on giving her this one gift she asks for each year.
A huge smile spreads over her face as soon as she sees her house up ahead. 
It's not huge, but it is perfect for Y/N. She has the best memories growing up in a house full of love and laughter and the most gorgeous flowers. The iris and tulips bloomed extra bright this year. There is never a day her mom isn't fixing the garden. Her mother always makes sure she has fresh flowers in her room; right now, for the week, she has purple tulips. Also makes a lovely gift to take to her boyfriend. Harry always blushes when she brings him flowers. 
It also gets her extra kisses. 
Harry parks right outside but doesn't rush out to open her door like always, so she turns to look at him. He's tapping his fingers on the steering wheel; she patiently waits for him to speak up. 
She'd wait all day if she could; he has a beautiful face, one that she will never get tired of gazing at. She especially loves that curl that flops down over his forehead; as much as he pushes it away, it bounces back as if he never moved it.
"It's Friday, love." Harry begins, "I think you should consider coming with me to a party." 
She pouts. "No, I want to listen to that new record my dad found, and I also have lots to study. Big exam on Monday."
"You're always studying." He groans. 
She frowns. "Not true! Calculus is my biggest enemy. Mr. Leanza is not easy on us." 
"Okay, Miss 101%." He pokes her cheek. 
She huffs and crosses her arms over her chest in annoyance. 
"I'm not going to go just for you to tease me." 
Harry leans over and steals a kiss before she can dodge him. "Let's play a game." He sees her roll her eyes but asks her to hear him out. 
She gestures for him to go on. "I go in and quiz you. Zero wrong out of all the flashcards you have in that bag of yours, and I get to take you with me. I already have parent permission. I'll have you know."
She narrows her eyes at him. Not ever surprised that her parents agreed, they trust Harry. He's given them no reason not to. She's about to tell him, no, but he gives her a big smile. His dimples are on full display, and she finds herself agreeing. 
She mutters a small "okay." 
Harry smiles, knowing how she likes to make him work for it, but he really enjoys finding new ways to win her over. He might have cheated, flashing her his dimples that he knows she can't resist, but he never said he played fair. "Only if I get to drive Nessie." 
Nessie is Harry's classy white 1966 Mercedes-Benz 230 SL. She was never interested in cars, but Harry speaks so fondly of his car that she has come to learn so much about it and loves it just as much as Harry and her father together taught her how to change a tire and check the oil on Nessie. They want to prepare her for anything, and she is thankful because Harry likes to test her from time to time. 
Harry smirked, knowing how much she loves driving. She loves it but does not cave in letting her parents get her a car. Her parents have wanted to get her a car since she got her license at sixteen, but Y/N claims it is too much money to spend.
Her parents tell her they have saved enough for her and her education. It's like raising an only child. They remind Y/N all the time since her brother has graduated university and now lives in San Francisco as an engineer in a growing company. 
Harry has been meeting discreetly behind her back with her parents on gifting her a car this Christmas. Although he fears that having a car will mean less of him driving her around. Meaning they will spend less time together and fewer backseat make-out sessions, but on an upside also means he'd have to help her christen it. 
"Darling, you dating me for my car?" 
"Yes, dearie. I started dating you back in our first year because you had Nessie, not because of those dimples and lame jokes.
"You told me you love them!" Harry gasps, offended. 
"Tell you what you want to hear." She shrugs, getting out of the car. 
"Hurting my feelings, love." Harry now stands in front of her taking her bag from her hand and closing the door behind her. 
"Let's get inside." She pushes him to walk in quickly, knowing her parents aren't home yet and her mom isn't due for another thirty minutes, and she would really love to squeeze in a make-out session. 
"Compliment me, then we can go in." Harry stands firm in front of her, a teasing glimmer in his emerald eyes. 
She reaches up and places her hands on his cheek, planting a small kiss on his nose.  
"You're a dreamboat, Styles." She whispers.
Harry can't help the blush that seems to be taking over his entire face. 
She pecks his lips and skips around him. "Let's get studying, then you can help me pick my outfit for later." 
Harry shakes himself out of the trance she always seems to leave him in. "God knows you need it
JUNE 1998 - SUMMER HOME 
Y/N had always known she was a bit crazy but honestly, deciding on making a 44-hour road trip from Massachusetts to California, where her hometown of Aurora takes the cake. 
Yes, she knows how unsafe it is to be a woman on the road alone, but she saved up for the trip and would be spending the entire summer home for the first time since graduating high school. A plus was that she knows the map really well, having studied it hard like one of her anatomy books. Also, helped that her father quizzed her on what roads and exits she would be taking. 
She's a good driver; her father always told her everyone else is who she had to watch out for. Honestly, she thanked her family for pushing her to drive more, and now she loves being behind the wheel. 
The road was never-ending, taking her where she wanted, and currently, she was aiming for home. 
It's four hours until she reaches home, a home she has not lived in for over eight years. A place that holds her most precious memories as well as most heartbreaking.
She's driving with the window down, enjoying the breeze, knowing the heat will only get worse the closer to home. A car passes next to her; she looks over briefly, taking in the vehicle's blue color. It does look a bit old; as the driver accelerates their speed, she notices that it's a Mercedes-Benz but can't make the model seeing as the driver must be eager to reach their destination now speeding off. If she's honest, those types of cars remind her of one person, and that's how she knows she'll never escape because she finds meaning for them in anything and everything life has to offer. 
The last few hours on the road pass relatively quickly because the next thing she knows, she's parking her Jeep Cherokee in what she used to call her parking. This car has spent nine years with her and runs like a dream. It was a gift from her parents, and at the time, she was nervous about the gesture but really grew to love it. It also came in handy, seeing as she now lives far from home and visits as much as she can. She hopes to make more trips up now that she has residency but knows it will be harder to get holidays off. 
Her parents understand; they do. She's following her dreams and achieving each one, and that is all they could ever ask for. 
Y/N gets out and gets her suitcase; it has her essentials and anything she's missing; she can come out later to get it, well her father will most likely fight her and do it on his own. 
Just as she is about to open the door, it swings open. Her mother doesn't give her any time to react and simply wraps her in a hug. A tight one full of love and happiness, an embrace she will never get tired of. 
"Hi, momma," Y/N murmurs, not at all ready to let go.
"Hello, my sweet girl. It's good to have you home." 
"It's good being here. Feel younger already." 
"Ah, same here. Come inside; I have lemonade served up and muffins because they are your favorite." 
Y/N smiles, knowing how much her mother made sure to have her well-fed always. No matter what she told her, she wanted her with meat on her bones. This also meant anyone who she brought home was given a big meal as well. Telling everyone and anyone they were too thin then proceeding to provide them with a second serving. This was her mother's way of getting into people's hearts through their stomachs. 
Y/N walked into the kitchen and smiled at how nothing had changed. Hanging on the refrigerator were her three graduation photos: high school at seventeen, ready to take the world by storm, at twenty-one graduating with the highest honor from Columbia University, and the last was graduating Harvard Medical school this past spring. She knew the next to join would be a photo of her on the first day of her residency. 
"Your father refuses to take any down; when your brother comes into town, he complains. Your dad shuts him up by telling him to go be a doctor, and then they could talk." 
It warms Y/N's heart that her parents are proud of all the accomplishments she has made. It's been a tough road, but nothing stops her until she accomplishes her goals, and starting her residency is the next stop. 
"Like dad's office is covered full of his accomplishments since entering that job in San Francisco." She jokes, transitioning the conversation away from herself.
"The oldest child always seems to be the most jealous." Her mother reminds her.
After eating a muffin or two, her mom sends her off on a walk, not wanting her to be cooped up in the house on her first day back. She has always loved walking around. It's something she did when her friends weren't able to offer her a ride. Also, her parents would walk her to the park every weekend growing up to run around in the grass and ruin more clothes with grass stains.
It's no surprise that she arrives at the entrance of the town's park. It looks like there is no one around until she really enters and finds a family seated on a picnic planet as their youngest tries feeding their oldest strawberries. It's a sweet sight. 
She keeps going, not at all wanting to disturb; soon enough, she enters the part of the park no one really visits and finds the old park bench with lots of initials carved in the wood, hers included. It creaks as she sits on it; she smiles, knowing that it is something that has not changed. 
There aren't many flowers in this corner, just a big willow tree offering her shade that she very much enjoys. 
It's nice being home, she's missed it, but she has loved living in new places, making new friends and connections. She spent her first four years in New York, and she loved the environment. It was a university filled with thousands of people never seeing the same face twice in the halls. Everyone was always in a rush to get somewhere but not here, not at home. Everyone stops her for a conversation. They talk to her as if no time has happened, as if she was still the young girl who helped her mom tend the garden each weekend. 
In a way, she always will be. 
She wanted this time to explore and travel because she knows this where she'll come back one day to lay her roots. She and her future husband will marry here, maybe at the botanical garden with the beautiful flower arch all year round. It's where she sees her children growing up and running around as she once did. She's got her residency to finish up, but she's looking forward to when she can call Aurora home again. 
After sitting for a while, she decides she will come back with a book or two next time. If she's going to be here all summer might as well start by doing some reading on books she has not gotten around to reading. Y/N is thinking about leaving when her eyes spot a couple coming down a hidden path, a small daisy behind the girl's ear, her arm tight around her boyfriend's arm. He's got the biggest smile on his face. They look so lost in each other, one can feel their love. 
It reminds her of when she used to do that. When she did that with Harry before they broke up and never spoke again. It breaks her heart, but it also brings back some of the best memories. He'd always bring her here just so they could talk for hours so that she'd tell him more about the flowers and to kiss in private. 
One of her favorite memories is when they were in their third year of high school, and he asked to meet for a surprise. She stands up and shakes the memory away, not wanting to get lost in her thoughts. It's harder to do now that she's home and she can see him everywhere she looks. 
With that last thought brushed away, she decides to walk back home. She's got a few days to herself before meeting with everyone; there was the big reason she was back in town. 
It was time to open a box of memories. 
APRIL 1989 - JUNIOR YEAR
Harry is up to something. 
She suspects something because he made her walk to the park when he would always be quick to offer her a ride. Sure, it's only a ten-minute walk from her house, but he always says something along the lines that not everyone is as kind as they seem. 
It's April, and the flowers are in full bloom. She hears the birds singing, and she swears they sing of the beauty of the flowers. It's also bee season, meaning lots will be around the park, and as much as she loves them, Harry has a big fear of them. Y/N has mentioned various times that they don't mean to harm him; it can just happen. Especially if they get startled.
Y/N takes note of a new flower; it's a small white four-petaled flower that grows in fragrant clusters. They smell divine, but she knows she has never seen them. She really wishes she had her father's polaroid on her to take a photo and show her mother. Any other day she would turn back to do just that, but Harry is waiting on her. 
She walks to the back of the park where Harry has claimed their spot, their initials carved in the bench make sure of that. He's standing next to the viola's, and they stand dull next to Harry. 
"Hiya, angel." Harry greets hands hiding behind his back.
"Hello." She greets softly; Harry can easily note she's nervous. Any other time she would have given him the biggest hug, but right now is keeping an appropriate distance. 
"Are you nervous?" He teases, which honestly calms her down because if he's teasing her, it surely means he doesn't want to break up so she can toss that idea right out. 
The last few ideas left are that it's an important anniversary and she's forgotten, or he just wanted to be romantic. 
She hopes it's the latter. 
"Not so much anymore." She replies truthfully, stepping closer, desperately wanting to give him a hug. He looks warm in his knitted baby blue sweater; she knows it was a Christmas gift from his grandmother, his new favorite. 
 If he's not wearing his cardigan, he's wearing his varsity jacket, but it's at the dry cleaners because when it's not in his possession, it's in hers. She likes the heaviness of it, how small it makes her look. Harry is the perfect height, standing at what she thinks is 6'0, but she can't be too sure. His broad shoulders only seem to grow stronger each summer after returning from two weeks of football camp. At this point, she wears his varsity jacket more than he does. Sure, she can get an academic one she has more than enough patches to choose from, but it just isn't the same; besides, she rather spend her money on books and records. 
Harry tells her his favorite thing about her wearing his jacket is that it has his last name. He knows marriage is long down the line, but he does hope to share the same last name one day. 
It's his most prominent dream.
But currently, his big dream at the age of seventeen is asking the prettiest girl to prom. 
Harry brings his hands forward to reveal a dozen lavender roses in his hand. Y/N gasps at their beauty, not at all expecting this. They are gorgeous, and she can't wait to show them off to her mom as soon as she gets home. 
"My love," Harry starts closing the gap between them and bringing her left hand to his lips to place a soft kiss before setting it back down to rest close to his heart that is beating just for her. "Will you do me the honor of being my date to prom?"
She smiles wide, not at all expecting him to ask, let alone for it to be this romantic and intimate. 
"Yes, of course." She wraps her arms around his neck, and Harry spins her around, letting out a small holler of excitement. 
"The roses are beautiful; they must have cost you a pretty penny," Y/N tells him as soon as he sets her down so she can admire them again.
"Well, darling. You're worth every one. It also pays that your mom gets on well with the town's florist." 
She giggles, nodding. 
"Now, how about we walk over to my car and celebrate with a make-out." Harry wiggles his eyebrows at her, knowing he needs very little to convince her. 
"Harry!" She chastises, looking around to see if anyone heard, but the park is empty, not a soul in sight. "How about we take a stroll around the park, then we'll see afterward." 
"You're a little tease, love." She leans in and pecks his lips two times. He tries for a third, but she hurries off. 
"Come on, dove. We've got to see the rest of the flowers that are blooming." Y/N's voice is full of excitement at the chance of walking around the park for the next hour, hand in hand with her boyfriend. 
Harry grins happily, following after her, he may be young, but he knows he will do whatever is in his power to always see her happy and smiling.
JUNE 1998 - HOME
"Dad!" She yells as soon as she walks in the door; she sees him stand quickly from his seat on the couch and embraces her in a big hug.
"My baby is home." He whispers. 
"I missed you." 
"I missed you too, sweetheart."
"How was work?" 
"Awful, when I knew I had my two favorite girls at home waiting for me."
Y/N laughs. "Always a sap, dad." 
Her mother makes her presence known. "This is a lovely sight. I've missed it." 
"Yes, as have I." Her father gives her one last kiss to her head and lets her go. 
"Any plans?" Her mother questions walking back from the kitchen, placing a cup of tea for Y/N on an old family coaster. 
Y/N takes a seat on the couch, as do both her parents wanting to carry on the conversation.
"I'm meeting Sarah and Sydney for breakfast one of these days, most likely going to spend the entire day together. Then, everyone else won't be coming around until the week after. Think it will be on Friday, seeing as that is what worked for everyone's schedule. 
"Happy to see your friends." Her mom states, the wide smile on Y/N’s face confirming her statement.
"Yes, chatting isn't as easy as when we were in high school seeing each other that day. There are lots of emails sent back and forth between us." 
"Glad you girls stayed closed. Was worried you would all drift away." She reaches forward to squeeze Y/N's knee. 
Y/N knew she meant it about Harry. How no one thought anything would come between them that they would make it through university and settle down soon after. Oh, how wrong they all were. As much as they hoped for the best, they were each other's downfall. 
"It's a bit late; I'm going to shower and head to bed instead."
"Before you go, can I say something?"
Y/N recognizes the gleam in her mother's eye and nods, knowing she has to get this off her chest. 
"It's sadly a man's world out there, but you have managed to make it your own." She reaches forward and takes Y/N's hand in hers, pressing a gentle kiss before settling it in her lap. Y/N smiles. "I know you long to love and share it with someone, and I want you to remember that the person for you is out there. As a mother, I know these things, and I wish you nothing but the greatest things in life, but they all come when we are ready for it."
Tears well up in Y/N's eyes, she nods. Not replying to her mother's words because she knows if she speaks, she will cry. 
"Lorelai, you made her cry." He whispers, pulling both women into a squished hug. 
"I've always had your father, and I hope you find that someone for yourself." 
She pulls back and wipes her tears away. "Thank you." Y/N leaves her parents with a final hug.
She heads up the stairs to the room that holds all the memories she has kept locked away. In her home, there are no longer any photos of her friends or of him. Not like before, where they were spotted on every wall displayed for all to see. Her mother took them off after she left for university. It broke her mother's heart to see her suffer such a big heartbreak. Harry had become like another son to her parents, so they were all sharing the heartbreak. She missed everything about him, but it has been years since they last spoke. 
It's been eight years since they last talked, last kissed but not the last she's thought of him. He's coming for the time capsule opening, and as much as she tries to convince herself she's going to be alright, she knows she's not. Yes, she's moved on. She has built a life without him in it, but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. 
All she can do is count the days until she leaves Aurora and goes back to the comfort of her apartment in Massachusetts. 
____
It's been a week since she's been home, and she knows everyone will show up in two days. The friends she was sure she'd never lose touch with but slowly did with time no matter how each tried, but life moves on. 
Y/N is nervous to see everyone. She's changed in the last eight years, but so has everyone else. She misses what they used to have in high school but honestly, getting to hear what everyone has been up to will be fun. Who knows, it might feel as if not time has passed at all? 
She met up with Sarah and Sydney earlier for breakfast at the old dinner. The girls spent a good five minutes embraced in a hug before they took their seats. They ordered too much to eat but, to no surprise, finished it all by the end of their conversation. 
The time together was spent mostly catching up and jumping from topic to topic. She did feel she was asked one too many questions about starting her residency and how they will be addressing her as a "doctor."
Y/N brought up Sarah's love life wanting to hear how they were doing. Sarah and Mitch did not start dating until after graduating high school, finding out they were going to the same university just an hour away from their hometown. Everyone was aware of Mitch's heart eyes for Sarah, but she was too focused on her internship, always wanting to do good. One can imagine how happy everyone was when news spread that Sarah asked Mitch out and was quick to say yes. Now eight years later, were happily moved in together. Sarah is a music engineer, and Mitch a music teacher at the local high school; as mellow as Mitch is, he gets on well with the teens. 
Having focused on love and Sydney quickly saying nothing new was going on with her, just that she was more in love than she could have ever imagined, it was time to hound Y/N, it seems. They asked about her love life and how good-looking the boys in Massachusetts are.
Y/N told them how nonexistent her love life has been since she graduated high school. It's not something she ever made time for, and her friends understand as much as they hate that for her. Sydney did not stop herself from making a joke on what seems to be Y/N's long dry spell. She shrugged it off, not at all bothered. Y/N assured them she knows how to take care of her own needs until the right person comes along. They all knew who she hoped would be the right person, but they knew better than to bring him up.
Once again, there was a change of pace. Sarah surprised them with tickets to Spice Girls at a sold-out Madison Square Garden concert on July first. Six tickets, a perfect number for their friend group. It was perfect, honestly. Sarah figured they'd road trip up the last week of June and could stay in Y/N's shared apartment with her roommate, who would not be home yet. Then take a train up to New York for the show. Also, told them they'd have hotel rooms for the night already, having an idea there would be an after-party. Y/N was all for it as was Sydney. 
Y/N has always loved concerts; it's something she saves for not bothered to spend some money to enjoy a great show for one of her favorite artists, especially in good company. The long queues were a downfall, but not everything is perfect. She has gone to concerts and knows that one can make the best experience out of floor seats and nosebleeds. Artists never fail to amaze. 
It reminds her of the first concert she ever went to that Harry took her to their senior year. The ticket stub she has pinned next to a polaroid that a stranger offered to take for them. It was before the show, and they had matching grins. It's still one of her favorites, and the reason she doesn't take it down is too good of a memory to keep hidden away. 
While seeing Sarah and Sydney was good and everything she hoped it would be, it did not prepare her to see the others. She had not talked to Zac in a long while, having no idea what he was up to. Mitch is quiet and only says hello when she has called with Sarah and Harry; well, it's like she doesn't exist to him. Not since their last day together. 
Y/N has two days to prepare.
Two days to wrap her head around the fact that she's going to see Harry. 
AUGUST 1989 - SENIOR YEAR
Many people told her to enjoy her high school years because they would fly by, and she accepted the advice and made memories to last a lifetime in the three years leading up to her senior year. Her friends and family have made each year memorial. Still, there is something about senior year, and knowing that it is their last year before university has her excited and anxious. 
Harry repeatedly told her how he wanted it to be their best year yet and promised to do just that. She has no doubt in her mind he will accomplish that in whatever way. He's managed to do so year after year. 
Harry made sure to pick her up each morning, never wanting her to worry about walking alone to school or arriving late. He made sure he knocked on her door every morning.
Depending on the time he showed up, he was ushered in for a homemade breakfast, or sometimes he said a quick hello before grabbing her hand and rushing out the door because they were running behind schedule, and Harry knew he could not make her arrive late. 
One thing that was always constant was how he carried her bag to his car and opened her door. He made sure she was settled before reaching down for his morning kiss. Sometimes, he went as far as putting on her seatbelt, just wanting to be close to her. 
Today was Monday, and he usually comes in, but today he selfishly told her to grab him a slice of toast because he was in a hurry. She didn't question him and sent her apologies. Her mom kissed her cheek and told her not to worry about it. A true angel, her mother was.  
Harry slipped her bag over his shoulder before ushering her in. She felt a little flustered with his urgency but let him be. He stole a quick kiss before going to the driver's seat. 
"What's got you in a rush today?" She asks, genuinely worried. 
He smirks, looking over at her. He seems calm, not that they've driven away from her house. "Thought we could use the extra time for some kisses. You deprived me this Sunday." He pouts at her, waiting for the light to turn green. 
"H, you know I have dinner with my grandparents one Sunday a month." She chastises him.
"I know, darling, doesn't mean I like it." He tells her. "Had to suffer a Sunday alone." 
"Well, at least I know how I can make it up to you." She teases. 
Arriving at school, Harry parks toward the back under a shady tree, one far away from everyone. 
"Want to sit on my lap, baby?" He asks, spreading his thighs, and as much as she wants to, she shouldn't knowing very well what he can convince her to do when in his lap. 
"Later, H." She promises. 
"I'm holding you to that, angel." He unclips her seatbelt, quickly placing his lips on hers. 
She feels how smooth his lips are and knows he stole her cherry lip balm again. "Harry, that's the third lip balm you've taken in two weeks." She pulls away, rubbing her thumb over his bottom lip that he juts out. He gives her thumb a soft kiss. 
"Swear I was going to put it back this time." He moves closer, placing a kiss on her neck, slowly trailing down, pushing his varsity jacket down her shoulder, exposing more of her neck. Her black corduroy pants and white acrylic sweater, and her favorite worn-out Mary Jane's mother have been begging her to change out. She likes to think it adds an extra flair to her outfit. "You drive me crazy when you wear my jacket," He whispers in her ear.
"Does that mean you're always going crazy?" She whispers back, knowing he mostly wears the jacket during game days. 
"Always make me lose my mind." 
After a fun half-hour of making out, Y/N pushes him back, knowing she has matching bruised lips. She loves that everyone can see what she did to him. She also may have sucked a little too hard on the skin right below his collar, the love bite just barely visible. She pulls down the sun visor, looking in the mirror to straighten out her hair, that Harry just loves digging his fingers into. 
"Baby, what did you do?" Harry says, looking at the fresh mark just by his collar bone. 
She smirks, knowing very well that Harry loves when she marks him. Not doing it very often in fear of getting caught by their parents. 
"Got to remind those girls that stare at you who you belong to." She reapplies her lip balm before layering the new lip gloss her mom got for her the other day. 
"You know I've only got eyes for you, love." He says, caressing her cheek softly. 
His gentle tone of voice always makes her soft, but it also might be that his accent seems to stand out even more. 
"I know, H." She leans in to give him one more kiss but pulls back quick enough to not let him deepen it. 
"Sneaky, baby." He clicks his tongue at her, rushing out and rounding the car to open her door, offering her his hand. 
She gladly accepts it, placing a kiss on both cheeks before landing on his lips. 
"I love you, Styles." She whispers against his lips, eyes closed as she tries to catch her breath. 
"And I love you, my darling angel." He softly nuzzles her nose, causing her to let out a small giggle. 
"Let's get you to class." He says, throwing his arm over her shoulder pulling her in close. 
Harry is smiling wide; she takes notice as she looks up. He looks extra giddy. 
Too giddy, and it has nothing to do with their steamy make-out. 
She narrows her eyes at him, "what's got you extra smiley?" 
"Nothing, happy all the time."
"Nuh, uh. Styles. I know you. Fess up!" She stops walking, wanting him to answer her.
"It's because my girl marked me up today for all to see. Makes me feel special." He answers smoothly. 
Y/N looks at him in suspicion, not buying a single word he's saying, "I'm onto you, Styles."
Harry lets out a deep breath before stepping close to her. "Let me surprise you, darling." 
She instantly relaxes. "Okay, only because you know I like surprises."
"Thank you." He rests his forehead against her, happy to be in her space, forgetting all around him until he hears a shout of his name. 
Moment over, it seems.
"Let's get you to English Literature," Harry murmurs, intertwining his hand with hers making sure she's close by as Sarah greets her.
_____
It's lunchtime when they walk hand in hand to the lunch tables where Mitch and Sarah sit, stalling their conversion to greet them. Before she can take a seat next to Sarah, Harry pulls her in his lap. He leans in close to her ear and whispers that he'll give her his chocolate chip cookies Anne had baked. She silently agrees, grabbing the bag Harry was offering her. What he didn't disclose is that his mum had sent them specifically for her. They have three empty seats, but she can see Zac and Sydney approaching, carrying food trays. Meaning, neither had lunch prepared for the day. 
Y/N leans back against Harry getting comfortable, knowing that he wouldn't be letting her go any time soon. The chatter begins with how their weekend went and what this week's activities are. She knows she doesn't have much to do this week; her club meetings don't meet until next week. Harry has football practice all week, meaning she either visits the library or finds a ride home. She doesn't mind staying and watching his training, but Harry hates knowing she sits there alone for so long. He rather have her be home warm and cozy than on the cold bleachers.
Harry asks for her attention by placing a kiss on her neck, his tell sign that he's feeling left out. 
"Yes, H," She whispers for only him to hear. 
"Need your attention. Don't like sharing." 
"You're extra needy this Monday, dove." Y/N has his hands in her lap as she begins to trace circles on his palm; it's something that soothes him instantly. 
"I just want to know our plans this weekend." He kisses her cheek, nuzzling his face in her neck. "Rather you get parent permission early on than last-minute giving them a chance to say no." 
Harry's right; there are occasions where her parents have said no, and Y/N finds herself sneaking out from her window that conveniently has an old tree that makes it all the easier. 
Her parents trust them together, but if they really knew what happened behind locked doors, they would think otherwise.
"Do you want to go kiss a little?" He wants her to say yes. 
"At your car or in the abandoned hallway?" 
"What's quieter?" 
"The hallway, and it's closer." 
Harry nods, gently grabbing her waist and helping her stand. "We'll see you later," Harry says, interrupting their conversations. 
"Oh, Styles, you've corrupted her." Zac teases very well, grasping what they were about to go do.
"Think she's corrupted me. Who knew angels could be so dangerous?" Harry teases in front of their friends. 
Y/N feels her face warm, bidding them all a quiet goodbye. Harry, having rendered her a bit speechless. She swears she never knows what is going to come out of his mouth. 
Harry all but drags her to the hallway. He gently pushes her back against the wall next to an older poster for the school play. Y/n glances down at his lips before looking into his eyes.
"Did you really bring me here to kiss, or are you spilling the surprise?" Her eyes are big and filled with hope. 
"Sorry, baby. Really did want some kisses from you." He pulls her closer wanting no space in between them. "Really missed you. Can't believe we only have one class together." 
"It's like they know you wouldn't pay attention to me in a class with you." She teases.
"Kissy." He pouts his lips, feeling like they've talked enough. 
Who is she to deny him when he asks so sweetly. 
Y/N always felt like time stopped when she kissed Harry. She felt her heart pounding in her chest as her knees grew weak, and as if Harry knew, he wrapped his arm around her waist, keeping her up. Harry pulls away slowly, a smile growing on his face. He would never tire of kissing her. 
Harry leans in and nuzzles his head in the crook of her necks, slowly beginning to place kiss after kiss before he finds his favorite spot and begins to suck lightly, pulling a surprised moan from her. 
She pushes him back. "No love bites that high. It will keep us locked up in the house all weekend supervised. 
Harry tenses at the thought, knowing fully well her parents would do that, having done it before when they first started dating, and he thought more with the thing in his pants than his brain. "I guess I'll just have to bruise these pretty lips."
Never one to tell him no, a small nod is enough to make Harry lean in and take her breath away. He'd kiss her forever if he could, but the last fifteen minutes of lunch break would have to do for now. 
_____
Monday's always drag on; she goes home, does homework, reads a book, and waits for dinner to be ready. Most days, she joins her mother in cooking; both like conversing about their days. More than ever, they have lots to talk about, from holiday plans to the universities she is applying for. She has saved up allowance allowing her to use it for more universities than the average three. If it was up to her, she'd send one to all the universities because that is how confident she is not only about her grades but how she comes off as a student on paper. 
Dumping most of her books in her locker, she keeps Calculus in her bag, knowing the sooner that homework gets done, the less stress she'll have. Just as she shuts her locker, she hears footsteps approaching her. 
"Is my girl ready to go?" 
"She is." 
Harry swings his arm over her shoulder, and they begin to walk out the school doors that are kept wide open. There are groups of students lingering talking to another, and in the distance can hear cars driving away eager to get away. 
Y/N smiles at a girl who sends her a wave, recognizing her from her English course. Harry walks them under a tree, a reasonable distance away from everyone because, as she has come to know, he likes kissing her in private. 
"Our first game is in two weeks." Harry reminds her.
"Yes, exciting." 
"Will you be there, or is there a test to study for?" He teases. 
She frowns and takes him by the lapels of his varsity jacket that she gave back to him at the end of lunch because she claimed it was losing his smell. 
"Don't start, Harry. You know I've never missed a game, and I won't start now." 
"Was only teasing, love." 
"Didn't like it." 
"Sorry, love. Forgive me? He pouts, wanting her to smile at him instead of frown. 
"You know my price." Y/N shrugs. 
He sighs, nodding his head three times before moving to get on his knees, toying with unbuttoning her pants. 
She gasps and jumps away. "Harry!"
Harry can't help but smirk, "Isn't that always the price."
"I just wanted a kiss; no need to make a scene." He shrugs. "Now, don't you have a practice to get to?"
"Ugh, I do." Harry groans, dreading practice knowing the coach likes to run them twice as much for not working out on the weekends. 
"Give me a kiss, please. Then you'll come by later, right?"
"That is correct." He leans in, giving her three consecutive pecks on her lips. 
"Who's taking you home again?" He asks, wanting to make sure she's safe. 
"Sarah and Mitch." 
"Right, good. Well, off I go, poppet." 
"Bye." 
Harry turns and heads toward the field, where he can see the freshman already setting up drills and getting the water jug out to the bench. He's only taken a few steps when his angel's voice stops him. 
"Dove," 
Harry can feel his cheeks turn bright red at the term of endearment. He turns and takes two steps back to her. "Yes, lovie." 
"Will you give me one more kiss?" Her voice soft and innocent but the gleam in her eye is anything but that. 
Harry takes the last step towards her and holds her face with both hands reaching down and kissing her passionately. He pulls away after what feels like a lifetime, slowly as he tries to steady his breathing. 
"I love you," she whispers.
He presses a final kiss to her forehead. "And I love you." Harry turns and begins to jog away, recognizing he's got a limited time to get dressed and out on the field to warm up. He's a few feet away but turns his head to see her watching him still. "Tell your mom I'll be joining you for dinner." 
She nods, letting him know she heard him before he turns a corner and out of her eyesight. Only then does she go in search of her waiting friends who will bring her home. 
______
After Y/N informed her mother that Harry was going to join them for dinner, she got up to cook, wanting everything to be ready for when her father and Harry arrived, seeing it would be around the same time.
Y/N made herself scarce as her mother was in no mood to converse. Instead, she wanted to cook, and maybe if she planned her time accordingly, she would do dessert. 
Dinner time came around quickly, meaning she was lost in homework for a good few hours. She walked downstairs wanting to help her mom set the table when the front door swung open. 
"Hello, father!" Y/N bounced over to him, giving him a big hug and a peck on his cheek, one that he happily returned.
"Hi, my sweet girl." 
"Mom cooked a delicious dinner. We're just waiting on Harry." Y/N told him, knowing he's hungry from a long day at work.
"Won't have to wait long; Harry was just parking when I was on the steps." 
Y/N's eyes lit up at hearing that he arrived. Her father chuckled, "I'll go say hello to my wife, dinner in ten, okay." 
Y/N walks out to see Harry coming up the stairs in a cozy blue emblem sweater with denim Levi jeans and paired with his old white Chuck All-Stars. She smiled because he went home to shower, not wanting to wear his clothes from earlier or come over smelling like sweat, not that she minded. 
"You know we don't mind the sweat, H," She tells him as he's climbing up the last few steps. 
He shrugs. "I know, but I am a guest in your home and would never dare disrespect your parents and you, of course." 
Y/N grins. "Four years dating, and you continue to prove to be the most perfect boyfriend." 
Harry looks away, feeling bashful. "I wouldn't go that far." 
"I would, dove." Y/N closes the gap between them. "Now, I say you kiss me before mom calls us in for dinner." 
"It would be my greatest pleasure." 
____
Dinner was a success, conversation always flowing well. Y/N likes to sit back and listen to her parents talk with Harry as if they hadn't seen him in forever when he is more than likely to be here every other day. Her father is a big fan of football; he too was once a player. No, he wasn't quarterback; he was right-wing and helped his team make it to state championships. 
The high school team has won three state championships since Harry's first year as a freshman. They counted on making it the fourth year; no doubt in anybody's mind it would happen. Y/N picked up on her father's excitement going on and on about the first game and how it was the most important one now that scouts would be coming out more and more. Without a second thought, she reached over and placed her hand on his thigh, lightly squeezing, reassuring Harry she was there for him. He slowly turned the hand on his thigh palm up and intertwined them together. 
"Thank you so much for dinner, Lorelai. Luke, thank you for the great conversation. I can't wait to see you both at the game."
"We wouldn't dare miss it, Harry," Lorelai tells him, a wide grin on her face as she picks up the dishes. 
"Now go on; I'll help your mother with the dishes tonight." Luke gestures to them to get up and get their privacy. Y/N thanks him and takes Harry's hand, leading the way up the stairs. 
Now they are lying on her bed, it's got enough space for them to be spread out, but she prefers to lay across Harry, her head on his chest as he rests his head on her pillows. 
Harry had his hand in her hair, always calming for her and for him. Allows them to sit in comfortable silence, basking in the joy of being together. 
Many people ask them if they ever get sick of seeing each other every day and never giving each other space after dating for so long. That isn't entirely true because when they aren't at their respective extracurricular activities, they are found together. Harry's response is always, "she's my favorite person." Y/N just shrugs and smiles, "he's my best friend." 
Believe it or not, they spent around in her room listening to music or in his house watching movies from their grand VHS collection. Most thought they spent it making it out, not that they don't do that because they are just as in love as when they got together four years ago. When they walked into any room, her parents were sure they would be kissing, which is why the open door policy exists. Well, half-open is the agreement now. 
Harry looks around her room, his eyes settling on the polaroid photo on her bedside table, one of them smiling at each other, lost in their own worlds. It's dated 06-18-1989<i<, it was from one of their many summer days spent together. He decided now was as good as time to bring up what he had been hiding. 
"You know how we were making plans for the weekend, sweetheart."
"Yes, you didn't let us decide on anything." 
"Well, what if I did?"
She sits up and moves to sit in front of him. "Okay, I'm all ears. 
"You up for a drive?"
"Always, so drive me to the moon, please." 
Harry laughs. "Serious for a sec, baby."
"Sorry, yes, go on then." She interrupts him once more. "How far is the drive? You're not always the best driver."
"Ouch" Harry has his hand over his heart, feigning as if her words had pierced him. "Guess I won't tell you."
"That's fine." 
"Yeah. Is it?" 
"Yup." 
"Why's that?" He's confused; she's usually begging to know by now. 
"Simple, because I just won't give you any kisses."
"That's cruel."
"Oh well. I don't play fair." 
"Think you can resist me, sweetheart?" 
"Oh, I know I can." 
Harry shakes his head, response ready, but she stops him. "Remember who asked who out five different times."
"That's because you were playing hard to get. Claiming you just wanted to be friends for a little longer." 
"That was tru-" It's his turn to stop her.
 "Ah, yes, I know. I was getting impatient. Don't know if you know this or not, darling, but I had to scare off a lot of boys. 
"Trust me, H. I knew" 
"You did?" 
"Yes, I think it was because everyone knew sooner or later I was going to put you out of your misery."
"Yeah, by saying yes." 
"Oh no, I was going to say no."
"What changed?" Clearly, something had, and he just had to know. 
"You decided to show up at school wearing your Sunday best and brought me sunflowers. Told me they reminded you how much light I brought into your life. There I decided yes, he'll make a fine boyfriend."
Harry's smile is big, dimples on display just for her. Always for her. "You tease too much."
"But you love it."
"I do." He leans in and smiles as she lets him lead the kiss. It's slow and full of love. A love that only continues to grow each moment they are together. "I really do."
Y/N leans in, wanting to give him more kisses, wanting to be connected to him, wanting him to always feel her love. She's not sure how much time has passed when Harry pulls away. 
"You do realize we got sidetracked." 
"Yes, worth it if you ask me." She looks pleased. "Now you have to tell me, I gave you kisses."
Harry runs his thumb over her bottom lip, asking for another. She puckers her lips leaning forward, and connects their lips in a short soft kiss.
"Friday night, the Forum."
Y/N's eyes go wide; she was not expecting to hear that.
"No."
"Yes."
She sits there taking it in.
"Say it, baby." Harry likes that he managed to surprise her. 
"You got us tickets for Elton John." She whispers out, her eyes now locked with his needing him to confirm it.
"Yes, I did." 
"A sold-out show."
"Think it's going to be a fun night."
"How?" Although Y/N has an idea.
"Well, I called in on a favor with our dear friend Sarah and the radio station she's interning at." 
"I love her." She breathes out.
"Hey," Harry knocks her out of her gaze. "And me." 
"Of course, I love you." She moves forward, seating herself in his lap. "I love you. I can't believe you did this for me." 
"Yes, can't let you go off to uni without experiencing a concert." 
"You are perfect, Styles."
"Perfect for you."
There's so much love in between them; if anyone walked into the room, they'd be able to feel it. 
"Wait." Her hands now resting on his chest, a frown taking over her face. "How are we going to convince my parents." 
"Already done. Told them the plan and the itinerary, and your parents have agreed." 
"Perfect, I'm telling." 
"Is this why we're walking to school tomorrow?" She remembers him telling her he won't have his car. 
"Yes, taking it to the mechanic. I just want to make sure all is okay." 
"Marry me?" 
Harry can feel his cheeks warming up; she always makes him blush. He takes hold of her left hand and brings it up to his lips, leaving a gentle kiss on her ring finger. 
"All in good time, my love."
_____
The week had dragged on, but it was finally Friday. She had been excited all week, and everyone could tell. Told her how she was jumpier, a lot more smiley, and twice as affectionate with Harry. She was happy.
She's at home getting ready; they would be leaving soon. Seeing as it was still a bit of a drive and no doubt would get stuck in traffic, seeing as they aren't the only ones attending the show. 
Y/N had gone over outfit after outfit until she finally decided on what she is wearing now. She's wearing a deep red power shoulder tucked into her favorite high-waist denim that makes her waist and butt look extra good. 
As she walks down the stairs, she hears the door and knows Harry is here to take her away. No matter what, he always stepped up to the door to pick her up; it still made the butterflies in her stomach go crazy. 
Her father is at the door speaking with Harry going over her extended rules and what numbers to call for an emergency. 
"Well, aren't you a dream," Harry looks her up and down; she does a slow spin for him on the heel of her black boots to give him the full look. "I'm a lucky man." 
"Glad you know it, H." 
She grabs hold of his brown leather jacket and runs her finger down it, it's an old one, but he takes such good care of it; one would think he just got it today. 
"Think you just took my breath away, H." She swears there are hearts in her eyes as she takes him in.
"That's exactly what I was going for." 
Harry and Y/N bid her parents goodbye; they wish them a safe journey. Her mother was excited to send her off; her father was a bit more worried but trusted Harry to keep her safe. 
The drive to the arena is filled with conversation over the upcoming year, Harry's final football season, and her volunteering hours how she was hoping to be accepted into the NICU's internship at their hospital. Also, lots of singing on the radio as well as Harry's CDs. From ABBA to Shania Twain, he had, but they settled on Elton John for the ride. 
In what feels like no time, they had arrived. Y/N is amazed at how big it is; she doesn't know much about the place just from what Sarah told her that it was large and no matter where she sat, she was going to have the best time of her life. Already having Harry at her side, she had no doubt about it. She can't stop smiling, and neither can Harry.
Harry grabs her hand as they both stare at the arena, where hundreds of people are lining up to enter. 
"Ready, love." 
"Yes, gosh. I might throw up from the excitement." 
"Oh no, let's get you a pop. It'll help."
"That sounds nice." Y/N leans up and gives him a gentle kiss. "Thank you, H." 
"Angel, I am more than happy to do this for you." 
Hand in hand, they walked into the arena, ready to sing their hearts out together. 
_____
Two hours of singing and dancing her heart off, and yet it still wasn't enough to tire Y/N out. Harry was sure she'd be clinging to his arm as he pulled her out of the arena, but she had asked him to wait out the crowd, and they stood in the emptying arena, arms around each other. He could feel her heart beating against his chest, and it was still pumping hard. He kissed her lips one final time before swinging his arm over her shoulder and guiding them out to the chilly Los Angeles air. 
Y/N was all smiles, and she thinks it has to do with the man whose curls have fallen flat from all the sweating they did inside the arena. Being in a room packed around thousands of people will do that. She has never been in such a happy and united environment. 
It's a memory she's going to cherish forever. 
The drive home is full of retelling of their favorite parts of the night. Harry decided his was when Y/N turned to kiss him during "Your Song." He felt himself fall in love with her all over again. It's a feeling he never wants to end. 
Y/N's had to have been each outfit change. There were so many that she lost track, but she loved how unique each outfit was. It's something she knew she could never pull off, but she admired the beauty of each one. It was over the top and full of colors; it kept her mesmerized. It reminded her of life and how filled with color it really is. Also, when Harry sang his heart out during "Tiny Dancer." How he knew every lyric and didn't miss a beat, if she's honest, she didn't bother looking at the stage for the entire song too entranced in Harry. 
The smile does not leave their face, not during the traffic of getting on the freeway, not when they stopped by McDonald's and got burgers and decided to share a coke, and not even when they saw the sign welcoming back into Aurora. 
Y/N's smile didn't drop until Harry parked his car right in front of her house. She sits back against the seat and turns her head to already find a bashful Harry smiling at her. 
"Come here." He whispers. 
She unbuckles and sits in his lap, it may have been a few hours, but she missed being this close to him. 
Y/N didn't wait for Harry to ask; she simply leaned in and connected his strawberry lips with hers. She loved how soft they always were, and she knew she'd keep letting him steal her lip balms if they did such an excellent job keeping them soft and tasting sweet; then again, that could be all Harry. She lets out a small moan when Harry swipes his tongue on her bottom lip, asking for entrance, and she happily grants it. 
She wishes she can stay here forever, in his arms, kissing his lips, never having to stop. 
"Baby," Harry breathes against her lips.
Y/N knows what he's going to say; she's not ready to say goodnight. Instead, she keeps kissing him. "Just a little longer." She mutters against his lips.
Harry can't bring himself to pull away again and nods, allowing her to take control. He has a tight grip on her thigh, he wishes to move it higher, but he knows if he does, she won't be going inside tonight. She moves her lips down his jaw pressing gentle kisses.
"You drive me crazy." 
"Feelings mutual, darling." 
Harry pulls her back up and kisses her plush mouth. She tastes sweet, something he never pinpoints; all he knows is that it's intoxicating. He presses one final kiss on her lips and pulls back. She's breathing heavy, a large grin on her face. He knows he looks just as dazed. 
"Think you got to get inside now." 
"Don't want to leave you." She grabs a fist of his jacket, pulling herself closer. 
"I'll be here tomorrow afternoon."
She pouts. "Why so late?"
"Because you're going to want to sleep in." He brushes a bit of her hair away, she leans into his touch; she loves how delicate each touch is. 
"What if you come early and then cuddle me? Mom won't turn you away."
"She might."
"Not after I walk in and tell her how amazing the night was." She cups his cheeks, rubbing her thumb affectionately on his smooth skin. "She's got a sweet spot for you."
"And you." He reminds her. 
"Well, of course. I'm her daughter." She laughs but knows she hasn't convinced him. "Please," she whispers. She flashes him her best puppy dog look, knowing he won't be able to resist.
"Fine. I'll be here at eight, darling." 
"Perfect." She gloats. 
"Let me walk you up." 
Harry helps her back into the passenger seat so they can both head out. He grabs her hand, pulling her in close, not wanting her far for the last moments he has her. 
"You want to know something, H." She whispers, keys in her hand.
"What is it, angel?"
"I want to travel the world with you."
"The world." He gasps. "It's a big place, baby. Where would we start?" 
"London got to see the place you grew up before moving here. Of, course we'll save up and just spend the year traveling wherever life takes us."
"That sounds perfect." 
She hums, deep in thought, picturing visiting all these places she's only dreamed of with him by her side. To see the Eiffel tower, walk the streets of Scotland, and swim in the Amalfi Coast waters. 
"Dove," He hums, playing with a loose string of her jeans. "Where would you like to go?"
"Anywhere you want. I'll make sure to take you wherever you want to go." 
"Take me to the stars, dovie."
"As you wish, my sweet angel." 
Harry brings his right hand up to her face and gently cups her cheek; she sighs, knowing precisely what he's going to do. She tilts her head up and feels his lips against her. It's the softest kiss of the night; it's gentle. It's her favorite kiss, the goodnight kiss, a promise to see her tomorrow. 
She breaks away the first time tonight, knowing if he kept going a moment longer, she wouldn't let him go. "Goodnight, H," She whispers as she begins to open the door. 
"Goodnight, love." 
Harry turns and walks to his car as he hears the door shut and hears her turn the lock. Once in his car, he takes a look up at her window, sends a final smile as he sees her waving him off.
He feels so much joy always being around her, but tonight it seems to have multiplied by a hundred. He knew tonight was perfect, but his favorite part wasn't even at the concert; it was standing outside her door as they spoke of their future together.
Happiness isn't always about the big moments but also about these small moments that make them feel invincible.
JUNE 1998
Y/N grabs a book from her bookshelf, not bother glancing at which one knowing if she stopped to read each title, she would be there all day. She heads to the yard, a picnic blanket tucked under her arm, so she can lay on it and soak in a bit of the sun. 
Her mother is trimming the leaves of the roses, wanting the flower to pop out more. Her father usually helps her, but he's finishing up last-minute work before coming out to join them. He has a good view of them from his office window. When she was young, he told her he chose this room because it's where her mom spends all her time, and he likes having his eye on her as she joins the beauty of her flowers. Y/N's known love all her life, and she's happy her parents have each other, but she can't help but feel like she let that one-of-a-kind love go years ago and fears she'll never find it again.
As she settles down on her blanket, she decides to rid herself of all thoughts and instead get lost in the words of Stephen King. She picked up a psychological horror. She remembers her father mentioning it was a good read and that she'd enjoyed it. Two pages in, and she knows she's hooked; it looks like she will be laying out here all day. 
At least that's what she thought when her mother interrupted her. 
"When are you meeting everyone?" 
Y/N puts the book down on her chest and looks over at her mom, who's still got her eyes on her roses. "Sorry, what did you say?"
"When are you meeting everyone?" Her mother repeats herself.
"Tomorrow."
"Time, darling?" 
"At one."
She hums in response. "I leave you in charge, and please be watchful over my roses." 
"Of course, I would never think of damaging your roses. Well, my roses, really." Y/N corrects. 
"Just because they were planted in your honor does not mean they are yours. You've cared for them for such little time."
"Excuse me, mother. I went off to university, but once I'm done and ready to settle down, I will be doing all the caring."
"Yes, because you will have time as a doctor." Her mother responds sarcastically. 
"I will be able to." 
Her mother decided to move on, knowing how stubborn Y/N can be. "Your father and I have lunch and dinner plans out of town, so you'll have the house to yourself for most of the day and night."
"You're treating me like I'm sixteen again, and it's my first time having friends over." 
Her mom laughs, and Y/N can't help but join. "You're forever, my little girl."
"Cheesy." Y/N teases.
Y/N leans back and gets comfortable, all thoughts of tomorrow pushed away and instead gets lost in the town of Bridgton, Maine. 
_____
It's time; everyone is making their way over. She can feel her palms begin to sweat, thankful there's a nice breeze outside to keep her cool. Y/N and her mom cooked pasta with grilled chicken and strawberry lemonade wanting to be ready for after the digging. Y/N would feel bad making them dig a hole, open a box, then head on out. These people are her friends, and she wishes to spend time with them, and what better than with food.
She's got ten minutes before everyone is due to arrive when she hears a car pull up and turn off right in front of her house. Y/N knows of only one person who shows up early.
Harry. 
Y/N thought he would be the last to arrive, but she's guessing old habits die hard. She takes a deep breath before opening the front door and walking out.
Harry would be lying if he wasn't nervous. He's about to see Y/N for the first time after years. He's seen her in photos; he knows she only continued to become more beautiful as the years passed. It's not the same as, no, because he knows what's separating them is a walk up to the door. 
He feels precisely as he did the moment he asked her out and, if he's truthful, how she made him feel their entire relationship. Harry's 26, but his heart feels 18, and at that age, he was deeply in love with the woman inside that house. He loves her just the same.
Harry takes a long deep breath before slowly letting it out. He could do this; he got out of his car and made his way up the path, where she was already standing waiting for him. It felt like no time had passed as if he was coming over to take her on a date--except they weren't even close enough to say they were friends. 
"Harry," She breathes out as he reaches the first step. 
"Hi" He sends her a small smile. "You look great." 
Y/N feels her cheek flush, and knows he can notice now that he's right in front of her. She takes in her outfit; it's simple, just a cropped red long-sleeved tee and black pants, with an old pair of black sneakers. 
"Thank you, Harry. As do you." And he really does. He's wearing loose green denim joggers with a matching jacket. He has left it open, showing a brown button-up, a silver cross necklace peeking out from the space he left unbuttoned. "Always on time still."
"Better early than late." 
She nods, not sure if she should continue the conversation or not. Are they going to stand out here in silence? It was never this hard; she hates this. Y/N rather keep talking than let themselves stand there in silence for another eight minutes. 
She clears her throat. "How'd med school go? Have you decided on a residency yet? Anne told me you were weighing your options." 
Harry doesn't try to hide his shock. "You spoke to my mum?" He asks in disbelief. 
Y/N grins as much as his English accent is fading; it always comes back when saying 'mum,' or well, when he's nervous. 
She nods. "I visit her when I visit my family. Recently passed when I came to see my mother who was feeling down and lonely as she put it even though she has dad to keep her company."
Harry smiles, knowing what weekend she was talking about because he had come the week after, and Lorelai had told him she was no longer as lonely. He thought it might have been because of his company, but it was because her daughter was home for a weekend.
When he's about to tell her where he decided, she waits patiently, staring up at him, a shy smile on her face but stops when Sydney comes and tackles Y/N in a hug. 
"Of course, Styles got first dibs on you." Sydney fakes her exasperation. 
"He knows how to be punctual." Y/N teases. "Looks like you bring the others as always." She signals seeing two more cars park; they park in the empty driveway.
"Just like old times," Zac screams out two bottles of wines in his hands. Mitch and Sarah walk up behind him, agreeing. 
Y/N looks around, and it's almost like old times. Just one small difference that makes her heartache. 
Everyone greets each other, sharing long hugs, and it's not long after that she invites everyone in and into the backyard. 
"Mom says if we mess up her roses, we are dead meat," Y/N informs them all as they all stand in a semi-circle under the spot they buried their time capsule. 
Mitch steps and pats Harry on the back. "If anything does happen, just say it was Harold. Lorelai has a soft spot for him." 
Sarah approaches water in her hand. "Y/N is her golden child who does no wrong, easy to forgive."
Y/N laughs. "Enough. No roses will be damaged. Are we clear?" 
She gets a chorus of "yes."
"Great, there are clear instructions that only Zac and Harry are allowed to shovel. Sorry, Mitch, mom said we've got to take care of your musical hands."
Mitch nods in appreciation. 
"What about the doctor? No care for him." Harry mutters a small smile on his face.
"Quiet Styles, you're a favorite still," Zac tells him, pushing a shovel into his chest. 
Y/N's happy watching the banter; it's like she's sixteen again, and they are trying to see who could dig their side of the hole faster. 
SEPTEMBER 1988 - TIME CAPSULE 
"High school friendships aren't known to last," Zac speaks out randomly, breaking everyone out of their conversations.
Harry sighs, "You're a downer." 
"I'm a realist." 
Y/N takes this in; she hasn't thought years down the line. She just assumed they would always be in her life. She can't see herself without them.
"What if we aren't friends ten years down the road?" Y/N voices.
Harry instantly picks up the concern in her voice. "I promise I won't let that happen, lovie." He assures her. 
"H, I know." 
"It's not uncommon for others to drift, especially when everyone has a different path after high school." Sydney comments. "My sister went through it."
"Let's write a letter, and we can bury it, open it ten years, but we have to do it together," Sarah suggests.
"Not a bad idea." Everyone nods in agreement.
"Let's do a letter and something important to us." Y/N proposes already having an idea of what to put.
"It's settled. We're burying a time capsule." Harry states. 
"One problem." 
"What now, Zac?" Sarah groans. 
"Where do we bury it?"
Slowly everyone turns their gaze on to Y/N. 
"Your house," Sydney tells her. 
"You all agree?" Y/n is surprised. 
"Your mom will never leave her house. It's gorgeous."
"Also," Zac chimes in, "You love it and tell us how it's going to be yours one day."
Y/N sighs and nods. "I will ask and will let you know."
_____
It took a lot to convince her mother, but her father liked the idea and supported her. Two against one, Y/N knew her mom was in a losing fight. After lots of hugs and kisses and promises of doing the dishes for two weeks straight, she got permission. 
They had decided on a Saturday, wanting to do it early in the morning, unsure how long they would take digging the hole. Her mom designated an area for them to open. 
Her mom allowed her to have the house to themselves, trusting them not to do anything but dig a hole. Y/N had everyone promise they would be on their best behavior. 
Harry and Zac volunteered to dig, and no one argued. It took over an hour for them to get a decent-sized hole. It looked tiring, but Y/N enjoyed watching Harry's muscle flex as he threw out dirt. Finally, being satisfied with the hole size, mainly Sydney, made them go longer; it was time to place their items inside. 
Y/N rewrote her letter a few times, never knowing the right thing to say. It wasn't until she was lying on the floor of her room with Harry's head in her lap did she know what she wanted to tell her future self. 
Mitch went first, putting in his first-ever guitar pic, Sarah her Walkman, Harry followed with a copy of Romeo and Juliet, Y/N a chained rose ring, she put it in but not before giving it a small kiss knowing she'd miss it. Zac decided on his baseball mitt, and Sydney threw in a signed polaroid of herself, knowing it'd be worth a lot more once she became famous for her art.
Harry locked it shut with the final object in the box and lowered it down with Mitch's help. It fit well, and they sat around as it began to fill with dirt. 
"Ten years, we'll come back and open it up." 
"Yeah, but like summertime. I'm sure we'll have more time during the summer than other months." Zac might be right for once. 
"June 1998," Sarah suggests. 
Everyone thinks about it for a second, it feels so far away, a lifetime, really, but yes, they all agree. 
Ten years' time, they will all be digging it up and will relive these moments. 
JUNE 1998 
Harry removes his jacket half an hour in, and there is nothing to complain about. He tosses it close to her side, and Y/N knows if things were different, he would have gently thrown it at her, and without a second thought, she would have put it on. She missed the times when he loved her. Because as much as she can't admit it out loud, she still loves him. 
Now she'll fake conversation with Sydney when her real focus is on Harry and how his muscles seem to grow every time he scoops some dirt out and adds to the pile. He's grown buff over the years, he was always tall and firm in high school due to football, but now he's more defined. The most significant change was in his face, more stern. Not as smiley; it might just be due to being around her. He must hate being in her presence after she broke his heart. 
Y/N lets herself get lost in thought when Zac cheers. She looks down, and peeking out in the corner is brown wood.
"We've hit gold." 
In the next five minutes, Zac and Harry dig as much of the sides as they can, and soon enough, they are lifting it out before settling it down with a big "thump." 
Y/N can't stop eyeing it; it's got dirt in every spot that meets her eye, but she knows what's waiting for her inside of that box, and she can't wait to have it with her once more. 
"Who's going to do the honors?" Mitch asks the bolt cutters in his hand, ready to hand them over.
Everyone looks around at each other; no one says a thing until Harry steps forward and reaches to take them from his hand. Mitch hands them to Harry, no question asked. Harry heads straight to Y/N; he stretches his arm out, waiting for her to accept the cutters.
"Think it's only fair Y/N does the honors, seeing as we made her do a lot of groveling to Lorelai ten or so years ago just for us to bury this; not that she let any of us know." Harry smiles, urging her to take it. Y/N fingers brush his rather quickly, but in that small second, she felt her heart rate pick up and fears he might hear it, although that is almost impossible. 
"Thank you." He nods, urging her forward. 
"Take your time, doll." Zac says sarcastically." 
Y/N is too busy getting down on her knees in front to see the glare Harry sent Zac's way. Everyone else catches the look; believe it or not, they all hope this is the moment that brings these two once lovers back again. 
"Here goes nothing." 
Y/N places the bolt cutters between the lock and counts down to three; it breaks right off the first try.
"You've got some strength!" Sydney exclaims; she was expecting it to take much longer.
Y/N lets the lock fall before reaching up and pulling the single latch. She scans everyone circling around her before opening the crate hating the creaking sound it releases. 
There on top are their most prized items from when they were sixteen. 
Sydney reaches in first, pulling out a polaroid and pink envelope. She flips it over and lets out the biggest laugh. Sydney turns the photo around, letting everyone see her in the photo wearing her then boyfriend's varsity jacket. It has her signature on the page. "I swore I was going to be famous for my art and would sell this for thousands." 
"One day." Harry offers. 
Sydney shrugs. "My boyfriend will appreciate this the most if I'm honest."
"He's that crazy for you?" Sarah asks.
Sydney nods, a shy smile on her face. "Yeah, I'm fortunate." She laughs, letting the moment pass. "Enough, Zac, please, you're next."
Zac, for the first time the whole evening, has fallen silent, almost looks nervous to reach inside. He takes a deep breath to go to the corner of the box and pull out a beat-up baseball mitt. Y/N can see his eyes well up with tears. He chuckles, "I swore I was going to go pro, but that senior injury year changed everything. In a way, Zac felt free; he got to pursue a career in travel journalism. "Enough sap, I volunteer, Harry." 
Harry nods, moving forward, sitting next to Y/N thighs touching; she feels her breath hitch; she doesn't dare move. He reaches in for the only book it's resting on the bottom, a white envelope with a scribbled 'H' on top. He sets the envelope aside but keeps the book in hand.
Harry smiles at the book in hand, Romeo and Juliet. It was not his favorite by any means, but it held a special place in his heart because it was the first book Y/N read to him when they first started dating. He remembers telling her he hated how she ignored him for words on paper, so he proposed she read to him aloud, and that way, they could bond. Y/N was thrilled at the idea; the first book was Shakespeare because it was a reading assignment, and she wanted it done that weekend.
 Harry hated the ending; he remembers ranting to Y/N as she ran her fingers through his hair to calm him down. He didn't understand why Shakespeare made these two people who were star-crossed lovers fall in love in a week only to have them die. 
Safe to say, it took a while to let Y/N read another one of Shakespeare's works. 
Y/N's eyes were on the book, and she watched as Harry carefully opened it to the first page, moving it back so that only they could read what was written on the cover page. 
It read: I've loved you for six months. I'll love you for six more. And maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get to love you for life. Love, Y/N xxx
Y/N felt tears behind her eyes; she had to look away. She was so naïve at the age, but oh how she loved him, and she knew he loved her just the same. Y/N was so grateful to know she was loved, even if it was years ago.  
She doesn't want to go next; instead, Sarah reaches in to save her. Sarah pulls out her folded half of paper and her blue Walkman player. "Oh my goodness, this is going to have some golden tunes." 
Mitch chuckles, "You suffered without it. Think was the first time I ever heard you complain about something." 
Sarah sends him a playful glare. "Shut it! Why don't you go next, Mr. Sentimental."
Mitch is one to never say no to Sarah, so he shrugs and makes his way forward. Patting Harry on the shoulder causing Harry to shift closer to Y/N. Both Harry and Y/N don't say anything but don't bother to move away either. 
Sarah smiled as she watches Mitch pick up a guitar pick. It was the first one he received from his father. "Dad always said I had a guitar in hand." 
"Mitch, you've voiced your thoughts out loud." Harry jokes. 
"Funny Styles." That's the last of what Mitch says as he moves back to read his letter, and Sarah follows close behind. 
Y/N feels everyone staring, but really it's only just Harry. Everyone focused on their own letters but also waiting for a reaction. She slowly reaches in, first pulling out the pink envelope with her initial on the front; Harry wrote it for her, saying she needed a way to identify it years later. 
She sets it in her lap before reaching in and getting the item she's been thinking about all day. 
A silver rose ring. 
It was a gift from Harry; Y/N always spoke of roses and how much her mother loved them. Leading to Harry finding out she loved them just as much. He wore this ring for a long time; he found it in a store in London before they made the move here permanently. It's his last real piece of home, but Aurora had become home, and so had Y/N. It felt right to give to her. She cried, receiving it, and knew it wouldn't fit but told him not to get it resized. She surprised him by wearing it around her neck; she put it on a chain she had. There wasn't a day she wasn't seen without it. 
She holds it tightly in her hand as if Harry might rip it out of her hand, wanting it back, but it's hers, and it's special. Y/N never wants to forget her memories with Harry, no matter how much it hurts, thinking back on them. 
"I've missed it." She whispers. 
Y/N slips it over her head, letting it rest outside her shirt for all to see. She missed the look on Harry's face, but this might be the motivation he needs to speak with her. To talk about where they are now in life. 
Except Y/N stands up, brushing the dirt that was on her pants to head somewhere more private to read her letter she wrote to herself. She walks a few feet away and flips open the pink tab, pulls out a folded paper. Her eyes immediately go to the bottom of the page, wherein black ink, it says, "I love Harry (PS: he made you write that, but it doesn't make it any less true." 
Everything surrounded him; her love for him was just that large. She reads over her letter taking in the words of how her sixteen-year-old self said she was proud of her and that no matter what happens, it was all for a reason.
It's exactly what she needed to hear. 
Harry is watching Y/N stand there read her letter, and he feels the gaze of everyone else to go approach her. Years ago, he wouldn't have thought twice about it, he would have been at her side holding her hand or rubbing her back, but now he doesn't even know if they are even friends. Mitch nudges him, and he knows he should check on her, but she surprises everyone by turning around, a grin on her face. 
"Mom and I cooked lunch, so let's wash up and eat. All this sure has built up my appetite." 
"Don't have to tell me twice." Zac smiles, walking inside heading straight to the kitchen sink. 
The others begin to follow Zac inside when Y/N stops hearing her name being called. It's Harry standing by the hole, shovel in hand. 
"Should I cover it up?"
Y/N can't help the smile, Harry was always so eager to help, and she's glad his kind helping sport hasn't changed. "No, dad is going to cover it. Mom told him he needs to do more yard work. She called it bonding time." 
"Okay, if you're sure." 
"I am." 
"Let's head in then." 
As Harry is about to walk past her, she reaches her hand out, grabbing his bicep, surprising him. "Thank you." 
He nods his head. "Of course." 
Y/N sighs; there's so much left unsaid. Their breakup fresh on her mind seeing him walk away from her, bringing it all back. Oh, how she wishes things were different. 
She doesn't regret leaving for New York, but she does wonder if there was a way to have made their relationship work; would it have survived or crashed and burned. 
In a way, she's glad she never had to find out. 
Y/N puts her brave face on; she's surrounded by friends who love her and who she hasn't spoken to for longer than half an hour. She's going to soak in this time and enjoy it. 
There are other times to be sad.
MARCH 1990 - ACCEPTANCES
Y/N and Harry were both lost in thought as Harry drove them to their destination. There was a lot to think about
Harry was proud to get a full-ride football scholarship to UCLA and a partial for USC. They were close to home, and he got to play a sport he was good at. These universities were tough to get into, but he impressed the recruits. He didn't bother applying outside the state, knowing he couldn't be far from home. It felt wrong for him; he knew that wasn't the case for Y/N. 
Y/N always spoke about leaving the state. She had dreamed about it from a young age especially seeing her brother do it. Gabriel's stories only make her more excited for her future. She loved to travel, no matter the distance. 
Harry, of course, knew this; he just thought he could convince her to stay. 
Applying to schools was hard for Y/N; there were many universities she wanted to apply to, but she feared rejection, so she set a limit of six. Still, a high number; she just needed options. 
When acceptances came in, each application welcomed her. Two east coast universities offered full-ride scholarships, USC offered partial and others only half. She had the money for tuition, her parents saved for her, which she is forever thankful for but knowing she could move across the country like she always dreamed of was calling her name. 
The one thing that stopped her was Harry. 
Y/N had never known love until Harry, and she knows her leaving will jeopardize that. She also knows if she stays, she might not be happy, always stuck on the "what if?"
She was distraught as soon as she heard the news. Her mom saw her pace outside, then sit, pour herself tea then began the cycle again. Y/N dreamed of Columbia. It was her dream university, and to give that up, but also having to give up Harry, she couldn't pick; she didn't want to. 
Harry parks the car; he drove them to an abandoned cliffside that's full of wildflowers. Y/N didn't rush out of the vehicle as she once would have wanted to feel the cold breeze. Now, she stares ahead, letting the car fill with silence—neither one wanting to be the one to begin the conversation that would change everything.
"Is this the end?" Y/N asks her voice, betraying her, as she feels her throat tighten up.
Harry doesn't answer; he reaches for her hand and holds it tight. 
"It doesn't have to be. I don't want it to be." She's barely holding herself together. Y/N's staring at the side of his head, silently begging for him to meet her gaze. 
"Life isn't always as easy as the last four years have been for us," Harry tells her, finally meeting her eyes. 
"I love you. You know that, right." 
"I know." He whispers. 
Y/N shuts her eyes, repeats the words in her head she hasn't been able to voice out, knowing she's going to be breaking more than one heart right now. 
"I can't stay, Harry." Y/N blinks her tears away, but they come right back, seeing Harry holding back tears. "As much as I want to, as much as I can't let you go. I also can't stay." 
"Don't let me go then." He whispers. He reaches forward, cradling her cheek in his hand. It's the softest touch he's given her. It's as if he's trying to remember how she feels. 
"It's not fair." 
"I don't care." Y/N reaches forward to wipe the tear away that managed to escape. 
"But I do." 
"I don't care." He tries again, Harry can't let her go. She's his life, he's too young to know about forever, but he doesn't want to live a life without her. "I'll go with you."
Y/N lets her tears begin to fall at his words. "No." Her voice firm. "It's over if you leave."
Harry pulls back, hurt by her words but Y/N's just as upset. 
She lets go of her hold on him and hurries out of the car. Harry yells her name, begging her to come back, but she's too busy crying to listen to him. Soon enough, she's surrounded by trees, and there are two trails to follow, but she can't pick; it is faith mocking her in the smallest of ways. Instead, she settles for sitting right in the center on a patch of grass. 
Y/N sits hunched over, crying; that's how Harry finds her. He doesn't say a word. He sits next to her and pulls her into his lap. 
"I'm sorry. So sorry, darling." 
Harry begins to rock her back and forward, letting his tears all as he rests his chin on top of her head. Begins to whisper sweet nothings, just wanting her close. He hates that they are causing each other this hurt. 
Y/N's cries have stopped; she sniffles from time to time. The holds she has on Harry is iron tight as if he'd vanish if she let go for even a second."
"Summer." She whispers, breaking the silence. 
"What?" Harry is not sure what she can mean.
"We have Summer."
"Yeah, we do." 
"We have to let each other go at the end of Summer." Her tone is final.
"Y/N-"
Y/N stops him, "Harry, I'm not letting you give up your dreams for me, and I know you won't let me do the same."
"I can't say goodbye," He confesses. 
"Then we won't. We'll kiss goodnight and pretend like we'll see each other in the morning." 
"That's heartbreaking, love." He chuckles bitterly.
"I love you, Harry Styles." 
"And I love you, my angel." 
Harry is done crying, instead leans in and kisses her like he should have done earlier as soon as he had parked the car. The kiss is fast, not soft like all the kisses he's used to giving her, no he wants her to remember this kiss. He wants her to feel everything he isn't saying. 
I love you. You're mine. You're my best friend. I will love you forever. He wants her to feel it all. 
"Show me you love me." Y/N pulls back breathless, lips plush begging to be kissed again. Harry knows what she's asking, and he's not one to deny her. 
He stands up, confusing her, but he comes prepared. Harry walks for the blanket he dumped a few feet away from them, grabbing it and spreading it out. Y/N is quick to lay back on the soft blanket. It warms her instantly. She smiles, reaching her hand up as Harry leans over her, his bottom half straddling her waist, her hand intertwining in his soft curls. Y/N brings him down for a kiss needing his touch to be close. 
Harry and Y/N are wrapped in their own world, lost in their kiss; it's always been them against the world, but soon they are going to venture off separately. It's something that neither of them wants to wrap their head around, and they won't not until they have to. 
They will enjoy graduation together, hand in hand receiving diplomas. Y/N will deliver a beautiful valedictorian speech. The joint graduation party will be a joy and one they sneak away from to spend watching the moon reflect over the ocean. It's the one place they feel at peace, the sea being a favorite of both of theirs. The Summer will bring endless days out, travels up the coast of California even as far as making it to San Francisco for a trip. There is not a second where they don't spend time together, and their parents understand; it breaks their heart, but it's their future, and all they can do is support them. Their love will only grow this Summer which makes it more heartbreaking when they say goodbye in August.
But none of that matters because, for now, they have each other, and that is enough. 
Harry pulls back, leaning his forehead against hers, their breaths mixing together. 
"I love you." 
"I love you so much; it's not going away just because--" Harry stops, not being able to voice the words out loud. He can't say it, or he'll start crying. 
"I know, dove." She trails her finger up his chest until they right over his heart. Y/N can feel how fast it's beating; it beats for her. "Maybe a day will come where we can be together again, that's if you don't find someone else, which I understand if you do."
"It's not going to happen." 
"You don't know that," She mutters. 
"Hey, I love you. No one is going to love me like you do. I'd be a fool to love someone else." Y/N settles her chin on his chest. She's staring into his eyes, trying to find a hint of a lie, but there is none. There's only love and sadness in his green orbs. 
"I love you too."
Harry sighs; there's not much they can do to brighten the mood. "You know what we can do?"
"What?" 
"Make a summer bucket list. First on my list is to kiss the prettiest girl I know every day." She laughs, making Harry break out in a big grin. "Lucky for you, that happens to be you." He tells her, booping her nose with his index finger.
Y/N laughs; it's only March. She has the rest of Spring and all of Summer to love Harry. To love him with every bone and cell in her body because that last day will come sooner than she likes. 
_____
The end of Summer arrived, and she bid Harry goodnight with a kiss at the door like normal, like he was going to show up tomorrow bright and early for breakfast and kisses, but that wasn't the case. It was goodbye, even though neither of them could admit it. 
Y/N and Harry walked away from each other; they didn't say no contact, but it was like they both silently agreed on it because there was no letters or calls to each other, no visits to each other's homes, no visiting each other parents, at least not in the beginning
The love was there, but life goes on.
JUNE 1998
After a delicious meal and second servings, everyone sits back stuffed. Everyone enjoyed a lovely home-cooked meal with entertaining conversation. Y/N enjoyed watching it happen, not participating much in conversation. She never was that interesting, she felt, always let her friends carry the conversation. She could feel Harry glance at her from time to time, but Y/N still hasn't recovered, knowing that Harry's most prized possession at sixteen was a book she wrote a note in. 
Y/N wonders if he's regretting that now. 
"Have we overstayed our welcome?" Zac asks, taking Y/N's silence as something terrible.
She laughs, shaking her head. "You're fine. I like listening, fascinating conversations going on."
"Come on, share something with us." Zac urges her.
"Uhh… med school has been going well. Have all of the Summer off, might do some sightseeing before going home." 
"Yeah, driving home to Massachusetts instead of taking a plane like a normal person." Sydney winces at the thought, not at all wanting to think about the pit stops she had to make. 
"Maybe not the smartest idea, but I encountered zero troubles; my baby, Twila, runs smoothly." 
"Should get her checked out again before leaving." Harry comments.
Y/N nods. "Dad's been on my ass about that as well, but I've got no rush, especially since all I ever do here is walk around town." 
"Enough car talk, let's talk about the time Zac got his clothes stolen after gym class sophomore year." Sarah sets them off on a never-ending conversation of memories.
As soon as one story is finished, a new one is being shared. Y/N forgot most of these, but as her friends tell them, she feels each memory unlock and surfacing. The conversation goes on forever, with no end in sight because that's how friendship is; it's never-ending. Especially when all they did for four years was hanging out together, creating these memories they now are so fond of. 
It's around seven o'clock, the sun begins to set when everyone decides to head home. She walks them out, giving them hugs and promises of seeing each other again before everyone leaves town. Y/N notices Harry lingering by, but she doesn't say anything.
Y/N waves goodbye to Sarah and Mitch when Harry comes to stand by her. She waits for him to say goodbye, not going to rush him, which is why what he says next surprised her. 
"Do you want help cleaning up?" 
Harry looks shy, asking, and Y/N knows he's about to take it back, so she nods. "That'd be great." 
She walks back in, and Harry follows close behind, making sure to lock the door, just in case. "I'll rinse, and you put it in the dishwasher. Okay?" 
"Okay, yes." 
They begin to work in silence, the only sound of the running water. Y/N wonders if he's going to stay longer or if he's going to leave right after. 
God, she could really go for a glass of wine. 
As Y/N hands him the last plate, she dries her hand with the red dish towel before handing a white one over to Harry, who thanks her quietly. 
She leans back against the counter, debating asking him to stay for a drink or not. Harry catches her staring and smiles, unleashing the dimples. It seems he made the decision for her. 
"Do you want a glass of wine?" Y/N turns around, reaching up for a glass for herself, not wanting to face him just in case he rejects her. 
"Wine sounds great." 
Y/N grabs two stemmed wine glasses and opens the bottle of red wine rather quickly; she's surprised her hands aren't shaking because she's so nervous. She fills both glasses halfway before stepping forward to hand Harry his cup.
"Thank you." 
"No problem." 
Harry takes a sip, humming at the taste. Y/N isn't sure where Zac got the bottle. She's just happy it tastes good. 
"Do you want to sit outside, watch the sunset on the steps?" 
Harry agrees and steps out, holding the door open for her. She sits down, leaving room for Harry. He leaves a small space in between them. 
"I love sunsets, never the same." 
"Same as sunrises." 
"I'm not a morning person as I once was, a bit of a night owl." She shares.
"Oh really, why is that?" 
"I'm not sure." Y/N knows that's a lie; what she wanted to say is because she has no one to wake up to. No one to give morning kisses or morning cuddles. 
"You must still love mornings." 
"I do." He chuckles. "I do three-mile runs each morning." 
"Three!" She gasps. "I'd be tired the entire day; I prefer going on hikes or long walks." 
"Used to it already." 
"Pity, to your partner. Stealing cuddles from them." She mutters, taking a sip of her wine, hoping he didn't hear. 
Harry wants to respond, not sure if she was asking or stating. Oh, how he wishes he could know what she was thinking.
"Didn't know you were interested in medicine, Harry." 
"I wasn't, not until my injury." He rubs his shoulder as if he remembered the pain. "After finding out, I was done for; I just needed something entirely different. My physical therapist spoke about his journey to entering the field. He told me to enter something that captured my attention and something I would never get tired of learning about. It led me to psychiatry. My professors were great guidance." 
"John Hopkins, right?" 
"Yes, the very one." 
"Tough school." 
He laughs out loud, hand on his belly. "You're telling me, miss dean's list each semester. Graduating with highest honors from Harvard." 
"You know me, my head always stuck in a book." 
"Still don't take compliments." 
"Makes me feel weird. I love what I do; I can't wait to start and just learn it all. This sponge I call my brain is ready to absorb it all."
"I'm sure you're going to do amazing." 
"Thank you, Harry. That means a lot." She pats his knee before quickly retracting her hand back into her lap.
"Where is your residency?" Harry looks at her, a frown on his face. "Don't think I asked you." 
"Well, Harvard medical was a dream, and I wasn't ready to say goodbye, so I accepted Massachusetts General. I really love the environment they have in the hospital." She sets her wine glass down, turning her body to look at Harry. She misses the look of shock on his face. "Everyone is so kind--"
"Y/N," He tries, but she continues on.
"I went for a tour, and it was busy and crowded, but they were so kind with the children. When I entered the pediatrics ward, I just knew it's where I had to be."
"Y/N," 
"I already know who I'm going to be working under, and she's--" 
"Love," Harry tries his gaze on her face hoping to get a reaction.
That shuts Y/N right up; it has been a long time since she last heard that term of endearment. 
Her eyes are on Harry; he has her full attention. He can tell she's a bit stunned, but his news is life-changing. "I have my residency at Massachusetts General." 
"You what?" She was not expecting that news. Harry is in the same hospital as her. "Are you saying?" 
"We would have run into each other if we hadn't come home for the time capsule, yes." He answers for her. 
"Fate," she whispers.
Harry nods, eyes shining with tears. That one word was enough for Harry to know she might feel the same. 
He sees Y/N's eyes flicker to his lips, going back to his eyes, then leans in. He does the same, wanting to feel her close more than ever. 
"Y/N, you left the-" Harry and Y/N spring apart, the moment gone started by her mother. "Oh, hello, Harry."
Harry clears his throat, standing up to offer the woman who startled him a hug. "Hello Lorelai, wonderful to see you."
"How's your mother?"
"She's well. Left yesterday to visit my nephews for the weekend." 
"That's nice." 
The three now stand outside together, Y/N rocking back and forth on her heels, not able to standstill. 
"Truly wasn't expecting to see you," Lorelai tells him.
"We were catching up" Harry smiles at Y/N. "We were keeping each other company." 
"Very kind." 
"I should get going; it's late." Feeling as if he overstayed his welcome. 
Lorelai senses the tension a second too late as Harry is saying his goodbyes. "Well, please do stop by before you leave town." 
"Of course." 
"I'll walk you out." Y/N smiles at her mother as she leads Harry out through the side gate, personally wanting to avoid a run-in with her father.
Y/N, true to her word, walks him to his car; he is about to round his car, heading to the driver's seat but stops.
"Y/N?" His voice was shaky.
"Yes, Harry."
"Let's have dinner together." He rushes out in one go.
"Harry…" She pauses, "I--" 
He interrupts her. "Don't tell me you have a--" he trails off, not wanting to say the word.
"Course not." She replies quickly.
"But,"
Y/N takes a deep breath, taking a moment to get her thoughts together. "I won't do this unless this is it. This is the time I'm yours again. For good." 
"You've always been mine." He steps forward, hand reaching out to cup her cheek. She lets out a sigh, feeling a sense of peace take over her body. "Eight years and no one compared. No one ever will." 
"H." He can see the tears in her eyes. 
"I mean it. I've always been in love with you. I will always be in love with you. It will always be you."
Y/N closes the gap between them; they are the closest they have been in eight years. She searches his face for any sign of doubt but finds none. Only sees love in his beautiful emerald eyes.
"I love you." She confesses feeling a weight leave her shoulders as the words leave her mouth for the first time in years. "I never stopped. I will never stop." 
"Sweetest words I have ever heard. Words I want to hear forever." Harry's smile is one she had never seen before; it's wide, and she swears it reaches the sky. His eyes hold a shine they never have before. 
There's one last thing she needs for this moment to be perfect.
"Please kiss me."
"With pleasure." 
She's never dreamed of this moment in fear of it not happening, but it finally is, and Y/N swears she feels the stars aligned just for them. Harry's lips were getting closer, and she felt her heart skip a beat. She parted her lips and felt him washing over like a wave of warmth. She finally felt at home. Her whole body tingled, the feel of his frame leaning on jets as his arms wrapped around her tightly, afraid that she'd disappear. Y/N's fingers slowly moved up Harry's chest until they tangled with the back of his short curls. She tugged, needing more, feeling her legs buckle at the moan Harry let out. 
All she felt was love, and she wanted to feel it forever. Y/N let Harry pull away; he didn't go far, letting his forehead rest on hers. Their breaths mix together. There's a bashful smile on Y/N's face, but this moment feels too good to be true. 
Harry and Y/N stand there wrapped in each other's arms, lost in each other's gaze as if no one else existed and there was no risk of interruption. 
"I'll be here at noon tomorrow, going to take you out if you'll let me." 
"Yes, H. I accept." She kisses him softly two more times before unwrapping herself from him, putting a bit of distance between each other, or they very well would stand there all night kissing. 
"Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow." She confirms 
Harry steals one last kiss, short and sweet, before getting in his car. He sends her a kiss that she pretends to catch and places it over her heart. 
She knows he is blushing even though she can't see it. 
As he drives away from her, all the hurt and pain of not having him washes away. Harry is hers, and she is his. 
All is right. 
Their paths finally crossed again, and this time there would be no final goodbye. 
_____
Harry showed up the day after as promised. Y/N was eagerly waiting, she had felt time go slow when they had been apart, but it's a monumental day because once again, after so many years, Harry and Y/N are finally reunited. 
She waited on the steps of her house like she used to when she was a teen waiting for him to pick her up and take her out on a date. It was bringing back the best memories. Harry parked right in front, and just as he was rounding his car to go meet her, she was in front of jumping in his car.
"Woah!" Harry was fast to react, only stumbling a little put holding her tight. "This is a nice welcome." He teases.
"Can you blame me? I missed you." She tells him, nuzzling her face in his neck. 
"Missed you too, love. Eight years, I've missed you." 
"Don't start, H. Don't want to cry. We're here now." 
"You're right." 
Y/N has Harry set her down; they stand there smiling at each other, taking each other in. 
"Up for a drive?" 
She nods. "Will you drive me to the moon?" 
"Anywhere you want, angel." 
Harry drives them to one place she hasn't visited because of the memory it holds. She's guessing it's because he wants to create new, better ones. 
"It's still beautiful here." She looks out through the window, not wanting to leave the safety of the car. She wants to stay close to Harry. 
Y/N sits in silence with Harry holding each other's hands, allowing each other to just enjoy this time together. The calmness of being loved and feeling loved. She knows there are lots to talk about, but she settles for the quietness for now. 
She's not sure how much time has passed, but she's now facing Harry, and he's toying with the rose ring hanging on her neck.
"Y/N," he whispers; she lifts her gaze from his lilac nails and hums for him to go on. "I have to ask." She lets his words sit in their silence. She knows what he's asking, the same thing running through her mind. 
"No." She frowns. "It felt wrong. I could never-- it was never you." 
Harry can tell she feels sheepish confessing this. 
She chuckles dryly. "I must sound lame; the last person I kissed was you eight years ago."
"No, it's not." He assures her. 
She sighs, "Harry." 
"It was the same for me. My friends tried to set me up multiple times, but it felt like cheating. No one understood." 
"So you haven't…" She trails off. 
"Well acquainted with my hand." He jokes.
She burst out laughing, and seconds later, Harry is as well. Their joyous laugh fills the car but also their hearts. 
"I love you." She breathes out, trying to catch her breath.
"And I love you." 
"Want to know a secret," she asks him.
He nods.
She turns her head to the window; she can see herself and Harry in the reflection. His eyes on her full of adoration. 
"I wrote you letters, hundreds. I've lost count, really, but I've got a box full; they are locked up in mom's attic." Y/N turns, looking back at Harry; there's a soft look on his face. "I wanted to send them, but I couldn't. I didn't want to interfere."
"Darling, that's-" he chokes up, tears escaping him. "Can I read them?" 
Y/N nods, "Of course, they were intended for you after all."
"Will you read them with me?" 
"Sure, if that's what you want." 
"Do you want to know something now?"
Y/N reaches forward and brushes a loose curl back. "Tell me." 
"Each book I've read, I have written a dedication in it for you." 
"What?" She says, surprised. 
"The new bookshelf in mom's living room is filled with books." He waits for her to nod before continuing on. "All books for you."
"Harry," It's her turn to cry now, it seems.
"Thought about you just as much, angel." 
"Do you think we did the right thing, letting each other go?" 
"I do."
"Why?" 
"It brought us together again. Sure it was the time capsule, but there is also Massachusetts." He reminds her.
"Isn't that wild?" She shakes her head in disbelief. "Same residency."
"It was fate, angel. Like you said last night." 
"Yeah, guess fate had a plan, after all, dove." 
Harry chokes up, tears welling up in his eyes. "What did you say?" 
"Fate had a plan."
"After."
"Dove," she breathes out, not even noticing she slipped it in; it came out like second nature. "You're my dove, my kind man, the love of my life." 
Harry grabs her face and connects his lips to hers. It's not soft; it's fast and hot but full of love. She leaned back, feeling the heat in her cheeks. Harry chases her lips, not finished yet. She lets him kiss her as he pressed soft pecks on her lips, liking the feel of her soft lips. 
"Is it too soon to ask to marry you?" Harry asks, trailing kisses down her neck. 
"No, never too soon." She giggles as he kisses a soft spot right under her jaw. "If I recall, I asked you one too many times during high school." 
Harry chuckles, nodding. "Should have accepted sooner." 
She looks at him, not being able to contain her laughter, knowing very well he should have.
"Marry me." He asks, all traces of laughter gone. He holds his breath, waiting for a response. 
"Yes, of course, dove." 
Harry seals it with a kiss. She accepted, and yes, it may seem rushed, but they aren't getting any younger. Their love was put on hold, and now because the time is right, they get to pick up as if no time passed at all. 
They are different people, but Harry and Y/N have only become more perfect for one another. 
2000 DECEMBER - MASSACHUSETTS 
Her eyes snap open, and she quickly sits up, throwing the blanket off herself feeling hot and unfocused, startling Harry making him drop the Pop-Tart he was eating to fall on his chest. 
She looks back at Harry, sitting up with crumbs covering his mouth and half-eaten brown sugar cinnamon sitting on top of his black sweats. 
Y/N can't help but laugh at the sight in front of her, her nightmare now pushed aside. 
"You're laughing." He pouts. "You gave me a proper scare." 
She frowns, "I had a bad dream." 
"Yeah, want to talk about it?" 
She shakes her head no, instead asking him an important question. "Why are you eating Pop-Tarts in bed?" She picks up the broken half and takes a bite, appreciating the strong cinnamon flavor. 
"I got hungry, but I didn't want to leave you alone, and honestly, I'd never willingly leave your cuddles." 
"Did you bring me my own?" She mutters, swallowing the last piece of his.
"Why, of course, I'm no monster." 
"What time are you going in today?" She asks as she opens up the package handing him half since she ate his. He happily accepts. 
"Noon." 
She glances at the alarm clock and sees it is only nine am. She mumbles an 'okay,' settling herself to lay her head on his chest. 
"How are you spending your day off?" His hand running through her hair, always wanting to be touching her in some way.
"In bed." 
Harry doesn't like that. "Still feeling sick." He states.
"Yes, but I'm fine." 
"Okay, but we do work in a hospital." He playfully reminds her.
She lets out a deep sigh. "I'll have Annie check on me tomorrow." 
"Thank you." He kisses her temple, definitely leaving crumbs of food behind.
"I love you, Harry." 
"I love you too." 
Y/N and Harry had come a long way from the Summer of 98'. They got back together and were excited to start the next chapter of their lives together. Their families were thrilled at the news of them getting back together and even happier when they learned about their shared residency location. 
That Summer led them to where they are now; two years into their residency programs and one year into marriage. 
Harry could not wait; he had wanted to take her to city hall for a quick signature but knew she deserved better. They were wed in the botanical garden under the beautiful flower arch she dreamed of. It was the wedding she always dreamed of; it was small and beautiful. Only their closest friends and family were in attendance. Their wedding photo; Harry gazing at her as if she put all the stars in the sky and Y/N smiling at the camera. It sits framed on Y/N's bedside. He decided it went there, so when he turns to look over at her, he sees all of her beauty laid out for him and the happiest day of his life. 
Harry had fought her on changing her last name, wanting her to be called Doctor Y/LN because she worked for it and was a man who wanted his wife to shine and do all she set her mind to. Harry went as far as suggesting hyphenating but still no. She changed her last name to 'Styles.' Y/N told him she spent years dreaming about it in high school, even years later when he wasn't by her side. It's an honor to share his last name because one day, their future children would as well. 
Y/N has a year left in her pediatrics residency, and Harry has two years to go. She has her fellowship to think about, which will add three more years; her focus on Critical Care Medicine. Harry has decided on Addiction Psychiatry which is only a year-long, but he's got his last two years to worry about first. 
Life has been going well, they've had their fair share of arguments but nothing they can't fix. Harry can't say he doesn't love making up; it always leads to a good time.
They didn't know what life had in store for him but looking around at the photos they have hanging up, a picture of Mitch and Sarah's little boy Nathaniel who only gets bigger every time they see him. A photo of Sydney showing off her engagement ring, face full of tears but smile large; Zac off traveling the country smiling in his picture of him visiting the Grand Canyon part of his trip to visit each National Park and document his journey. 
This group of six friends is living their dreams; at sixteen, none of them know what life would be like twelve years down the road, but if it wasn't for each of them having this friendship and deciding to bury a time capsule, they might not be where they are right not; happier and more in love than ever. 
Harry and Y/N are filled with love and know life couldn't be better than it is; incredibly grateful to be in love and be loved back just the same. 
Little do they know their love will soon have to be shared.
_____
Thank you so much for reading! 
I love you and I hope you loved this story <3
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floralseokjin · 4 years
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⤑ made-up love song iii.
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Your first encounter with Kim Seokjin doesn’t go so well, nor your second, or your third… and maybe that’s because it shouldn’t work on paper. You’re an elementary school teacher, never left the country despite hitting the third decade of your life not so long ago, and you’re unable to remember the last time you dated. He’s the dad of one of your students, nearly a decade older than you and divorced. Oh yes, and just another minor detail – he’s a multimillionaire. 
Your lives are lightyears apart, yet somehow, your paths having now crossed, things just seem to fall into place…
pairing; kim seokjin x reader  au/genre/warnings; strangers to lovers, romance, eventual smut, eventual angst, single dad! seokjin, ceo! seokjin, elementary school teacher! oc, age gap (oc is 30, seokjin is 37), seokjin is a dilf, lots of lasagne talk, flirting, kissing, fluff 🥰 words; 9,340
↪︎ chapter index
chapters; i • ii • iii • iv • v • vi • vii • viii • ix • x • epilogue (+ drabbles)
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After you had time to calm down, of course you ended up telling Soojung about what happened on the date. You kept some things to yourself, mainly about how giddy you had felt throughout the whole thing, but you were sure she could see that for herself – she kept looking at you knowingly, and for once she kept the teasing down to a minimum. You ended up staying awake quite late, Soojung opening a bottle of wine. You were still excited from the date and the thought of what was to come next, but somewhere along the line, you and your best friend started getting into your feelings. (Was it really a Saturday night until you and Soojung ended it with slightly drunk sappy heart to hearts and hugs? Obviously not…) 
For the first time in a while you felt comfortable enough to open up about your love life (or lack of one) and felt it easy to talk about the past and to even bring up Donghae. He was a forbidden topic for the most part, no matter how much you were over him, but tonight had changed something. You didn’t know how to explain it, and no, it wasn’t because Seokjin was somehow the man of your dreams who had magically made things better with just one date. That was dumb and only happened in cliché Hallmark movies. 
No, it was because tonight had shown you that life goes on. No matter what rock bottom you hit, or how long it took you to get over it, no hurt was forever. You’d been single for a long time, and happy at that – after you’d gotten over the heartbreak of Donghae cheating on you – but tonight you’d had fun. You’d enjoyed yourself, enjoyed Seokjin’s company. You didn’t know what would come of your second date, or if there would be a third, but you were okay with that. You were just living in the moment, and right now you really liked that infuriating-not-so-infuriating bastard. 
You were taking a chance, just like he was, and it was actually pretty exciting…
.
.
You woke up late the next morning, something you didn’t reprimand yourself for because it was summer break after all, but also, you had a raging wine headache that had needed all the shut eye it could get. Your head was still throbbing slightly as you reached for your phone on the bedside table but seeing a text from Seokjin waiting for you made it miraculously disappear. 
Seokjin (10:28am) Hi Y/N, Thank you for such a great time last night. I can’t wait until Saturday. Would it be alright with you if I kept in touch throughout the week?  Seokjin
You giggled to yourself at his insane formalities. Why was that so adorable? But most importantly how could he be both cute and sexy at the same time? He was hellbent on making you lose your mind. You thought about teasing him, asking him when he’d grown comfortable enough to drop the Regards from yesterday, but despite how well last night had gone, and despite how much you loved joking around with him in person, over the phone seemed different. You were still a little nervous – giddy nervous, but nervous, nevertheless. Your conversation from last night with Soojung came back to you, reminding you that this was all too real. You were potentially catching feelings for this man, and it was new, and exciting, but equal parts terrifying now that you’d woken up with a hangover. 
Everything you typed out in reply seemed way too stiff, so growing frustrated, you settled on an emoji to cut through the formalities. 
You (10:49am) I had such a lovely time too, Seokjin. Of course it’s fine to keep in touch. I’m looking forward to Saturday night! 😊
What did he mean exactly about keeping in touch?, you wondered as you got out of bed, padding your way down the stairs and into the kitchen for a much needed glass of ice cold water. A good morning text? A how are you? You knew he was busy with work all week, so you weren’t expecting too much, but just knowing he wanted to stay in contact until next Saturday made you smile to yourself as you waited for his response. 
You didn’t have to wait long. 
Seokjin (10:55am) Great! I’m so excited to try your World famous Italian lasagne 😁
Cute. He’d followed your lead, ditching the last of the formalities and even signing off with an emoji instead. You instantly felt more at ease, but – 
Oh no. 
Why did he have to bring that up and remind you of your humiliating blunder? You knew what would be taking up all of your time for the few days – you needed to perfect this goddamn dish. 
Soojung on the other hand was unbothered by your predicament. Mind in the gutter as always. “Do you think that’s a euphemism for something else?” She asked straight away once you’d shown her your messages a few hours later. 
“Soojung!” You exclaimed, feeling yourself get a little hot in the face. You wish she’d stop bringing up sex, it was stressing you out. You told her as much. 
“You’re the one who’s invited him to your house for a second date.” 
You stared at her, greatly unimpressed. “You know why I invited him here.” 
You’d told her last night. You’d been hit with a surge of confidence when you’d suggested it was your turn to decide on something. In truth though, you didn’t know the first thing about restaurants, you hardly ever ate out, and when you did it was either fast food or at the food court in the department store Soojung worked at. You knew he wouldn’t have minded any choice you’d made, but that didn’t stop the slight apprehension you felt. 
It was normal, given your difference in lifestyles, and whilst that seemed to be no issue thankfully, that difference was still there. However really, that’s why you’d chosen to cook for him. Seokjin had shown you something close to him last night – the restaurant he owned with his brother, and now you were to show him something close to your heart. Something that was you. You loved cooking and baking in your spare time and you wanted to share that with him however small. Granted it was things you were confident with, but lasagne couldn’t be that hard, right? A true perfectionist, you’d master it quickly enough…
Soojung rolled her eyes. “I’m sure you could suggest McDonald’s and Dilf would be insanely happy.” She nudged you, squealing like a kid. “He’s just so into you!”
You wouldn’t bite. She was making you nervous again. “Stop calling him Dilf, he has a name.”
“Geez, sorry.” She held up her hands in apology. “Didn’t mean to offend your man.” 
You pushed her shoulder, silently telling her to quit it.
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For the next few days it became your life’s goal to master the art of lasagne. Sunday night was spent googling recipes, trying to find the most authentic one. There seemed to be a lot of fuss on the right type of pasta. Flat edged would be fine, but the wavy edge was best. You made note of that. Next was the sauce. Two types. The tomato based one and then the white one – which you learned was called Bechamel. That seemed pretty easy to cook up, but the former seemed a little daunting. Every time you’d had pasta sauce in the past it had been premade, starting from scratch was giving you anxiety. Seokjin thought this was your expertise so you had to make it believable. What if you made it too salty? Too bland?
…Possibly you were thinking way too hard about this. Soojung thought the same. 
“Just buy it in a jar, Y/N, for Christ’s sake. You’re taking this way too seriously. You don’t need to learn fluent Italian to make your little white lie believable. It’s a goddamn lasagne.” 
She had a point. 
“He’d be happy with a sandwich. He’s coming over for you, not the shitty lasagne.” 
“Don’t call my non-existent lasagne shitty, you’re setting me up for failure.” You grumbled, looking at the ten tabs you had up on your laptop screen, all claiming to be the best most authentic recipe around.  
On Monday you went shopping for ingredients. You knew a small world foods store that was just outside of town, you’d been there a couple of times when you’d been baking with the children for class. With help from signposted aisles, you found what you were looking for in no time at all, so that night, you and Soojung both tucked into your first (sort of) homemade lasagne. Only the Bechamel sauces was harder to master than you’d first thought. 
“I think you added too much flour.” Soojung’s nose wrinkled as she spoke. “It’s nice, don’t get me wrong, but the white stuff… I don’t know, maybe it’s supposed to taste like that?” 
Nope, she was definitely correct, too much flour, which was odd because you were pretty positive you’d followed the right measurements… 
Tuesday you had a day off from the sight, and even the word lasagne. You met for coffee with your mom but kept the date with Seokjin a secret. Not that she pressed about your love life anymore, she’d long given up on that topic. It was nice to catch up and you made plans for a trip soon. It was hard to find time to visit her when you were in work so you were always thankful for the summer and Christmas breaks. You were her only child, so it made your time together even more precious. She’d only remarried ten years ago, and while Jonathon had kids from his first marriage, they lived abroad. They were older than you and had families of their own. You weren’t particularly close for no other reason than the distance. You’d only met them a few times but they were lovely people. Your father had remarried while you were still in high school, having two more children (a son and daughter) with his wife. You were very close to them despite the age gap and saw them as regularly as you could. Your extended family had long been the norm and you wouldn’t change it for the world. 
Wednesday you were back on the lasagne. You purchased more pasta sauce and decided on the pre-made Bechamel sauce too, just to be safe. This time around everything went smoothly, Soojung had no complaints and neither did you, but you still invited Taehyung around on Thursday for a third go. He was way more enthusiastic than your best friend, singing your praises all night. 
“Y/N, that was amazing!” He exclaimed, leaning back in his chair to pat his belly. “Dilf dick – Uh, I mean, Seokjin, is going to love it.” 
“Guys, is that what you really call him when you’re alone together?” You whined. 
“Blame Soo,” Taehyung shrugged. “She’s rubbed off on me. But, I’m right,” he smirked. “He’s going to want to give you his DD once he tastes this, if you know what I mean.” 
Wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, you looked on unimpressed. Maybe if you gave them no reaction they’d stop? 
“Oooo. I wonder what his dick even looks like. I bet it’s as handsome as his face.” Soojung squealed, sat beside her boyfriend. 
“SOOJUNG!” He cried, mouth open in disbelief. 
“Can we just stop talking about his… y’know…” You sighed, unable to say the word aloud. “Imagine if it was the other way around and he was wondering about what I looked like naked.” Soojung wouldn’t be impressed, that was for sure. 
“Fine, you’re right,” your best friend sighed. “I’m just way too excited because you finally like someone!!” She was getting loud now, she always did when she was excited. “And I want it to work out because you deserve it!” 
You chuckled. “Soo, calm down.” But you had to admit her words were sweet. You reached for her hand across the tiny table, giving it a gentle squeeze of thanks. 
“What about Barman dick?” Taehyung asked randomly, totally oblivious that you and she were having a moment. “Huh? Soo? You want my Barman dick tonight?” He wiggled his eyebrows again, a playfulness to his voice as he nudged her. 
She giggled but wasn’t having any of it. “It doesn’t really have the same ring to it, babe.” 
Highly offended he pulled away, pursing his lips. “Whatever.”
“Okay guys, let’s not have a domestic at the dining table.” You laughed. Which was a mistake because now Taehyung’s attention was back on you. 
“So, Y/N, when are you going to invite Mr. Dilf to my bar?”
You sniggered. “How about never?”
“Hey, you ladies are being very mean tonight. I complimented your lasagne.” Hm. That was true, you guessed. “What’s wrong with my bar? I think he’d love it. What does he drink? I see him as a dark rum type of guy.” 
You shrugged. “He was drinking red wine on our date last week.” It still made you feel funny to say the word date. You’d gone on a date. You were dating. A flurry of excitement found its way to your stomach, your excitement for Saturday growing. 
“Interesting,” Taehyung mused.
Soojung stood up, starting to collect your plates. “Okay, I’m washing, who’s drying?”
“Not me,” you sang. “I’ve cooked nearly every night this week.” 
Soojung eyes were wide when you met them, as if she was silently begging you. For what? “Just please promise me there won’t be any lasagne waiting for me after work tomorrow night? I’m going to turn into one at this rate.” 
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Saturday arrived soon enough. You woke up the same time your phone went Bing and you knew exactly who it was. Seokjin had been texting you Good morning every day since Monday. He was no longer signing them off with his name, which was progress, and he was even adding more emojis, so you guessed you had rubbed off on him. 
Sometimes he’d drop a meme with the greeting. They were mostly to do with early mornings and workloads to which you’d tease him about because it was your summer vacation after all, you didn’t need to worry about work. But you always sent a Hope today runs smoothly his way too. You didn’t want to rub it in too much. 
Yesterday’s meme had been about dating, something about the guy trying to flirt but being garbage at it and asking if she liked cheese. You didn’t agree that was like Seokjin though – you were gradually learning that he was incredibly modest – but it had made you laugh. Only Seokjin could send you lame memes and you’d find it adorable… You were possibly whipped. 
Seokjin (8:01am)  Good morning. [Image sent] 
Today the meme was about lasagne, which made you question whether he was googling these every morning because no way had a lasagne meme popped up on his social media – if he used any at all. The realisation that he was searching for memes every day was even more endearing and your heart got a little gooey. You read the text on top of the image of lasagne. Dude, is that your new white shirt? Lemme just hop off this fork for a closer look. You genuinely laughed at that one, still wrapped up in your bed sheets. So incredibly lame, but equal levels funny. 
Seokjin (8:01am)  I will not be wearing white… I can’t wait to see you later. Just a reminder that I hope you omitted the garlic for tonight’s meal. I don’t want to embarrass myself by itching all night 😅😂
Immediately the smile dropped from your face and you shot forward, horror washing over you. Oh no. He was allergic to garlic. With the stress of perfecting the world’s best lasagne you’d totally forgotten. What were you going to do? Find a plain tomato sauce? Where the hell were you going to find one? Was that even a thing? You needed to leave now. Jumping out of bed you almost forgot to message Seokjin back. Looking at your phone again the image of the lasagne mocked you… 
.
.
Two hours later you were back at home, in need of a sit down after you’d rushed around town looking for a pasta sauce that didn’t contain garlic (very hard, by the way.) The stress had aged you about ten years. Soojung of course found it highly hilarious. 
“You’d have been in ER before 9pm,” she chortled, still in her pyjamas on the couch. She’d been still asleep when you’d dashed off, a woman on a lasagne mission. 
You ignored her. It wouldn’t have been that bad, right? He said himself he’d only be itching… Clawing off his own skin was probably better than his throat closing up… maybe… 
“How did you manage to forget?” She was still laughing. “AND you said you’d make a lasagne. Italian food always uses garlic. He must think you’re trying to kill him.” At this point you could hardly understand her, words blurring into one as she lost her shit. 
“We went over this. I wasn’t in my right mind when I said I’d cook lasagne.”
She stopped her laugher immediately.  “No way, you’re not blaming me again.” 
“Ugh.” You sighed, suddenly remembering something. “I was going to make my homemade garlic bread.” Now that was a speciality of yours. This night was going to be a disaster.
“Skip the garlic,” Soojung suggested. 
“So, just bread then.” 
She tried her best not to laugh again, not wanting to make it worse. “Yum.” 
It didn’t help. 
What did help though, was making her clean the entirety of the downstairs of the house. As the day went on you started to get more and more nervous, which was silly, but you couldn’t help it. You realised that your place was a shoe box in comparison to his, what the hell were you thinking when you’d invited him here?! It needed to be spotless, to distract him from the fact you would be eating dinner in the same place you would be cooking it… 
You knew there was no need to worry, it was just like last week when you’d grown self-conscious only to be fine once you’d set eyes on Seokjin. No doubt tonight would be just the same, he didn’t give a crap about stuff like that, so why would you even think he would? He’d probably be hurt if he knew… You just couldn’t help those little bubbles of insecurities from floating around inside your brain. You were a law unto yourself, and the garlic-less lasagne wasn’t helping. You’d had no time to prep for it. What if it tasted like cardboard? 
“Lasagne is lasagne,” Soojung reassured you, in the kitchen as you got all the ingredients together. “It’s not going to taste gross just because there’s no garlic in it. Put it this way, at least you can kiss without needing to pop a mint.” 
You whined, shaking your head, you couldn’t even dare thinking about kissing him right now. You’d spontaneously combust from anxiety. 
“Should we clean your room too?” She asked, picking up the jar of pasta sauce absentmindedly. You’d already read the label approximately fifteen times, double checking it was indeed garlic-less. 
“What? No,” you told her, voice all high-pitched. There would be no going upstairs besides from bathroom usage. “But hey,” you exclaimed, rounding on her with the spoon you were holding in your hand. “My room is always clean, bitch.”
She was the messy one.
.
.
Soojung left for Taehyung’s place at half 6, ready for Seokjin’s arrival at 7pm, a hug for good luck before you waved her off. You’d calmed greatly now, nothing like some table laying to ease some nerves. The lasagne was prepped and ready to oven cook, you had a fresh key lime pie in the fridge and you were dressed and presentable with ten minutes to spare. Wonderful. 
The doorbell rung not long after you’d made your way downstairs and you were quickly finding out that Seokjin was a very punctual man. Opening the door to reveal him stood at the porch your heart instantly warmed, skipping a beat when he gave you a dazzling smile and a soft Hey. You felt a little weak at the knees. Nope, you were not ready for tonight. 
In your tiny entryway he offered you a silver gift bag. “I didn’t know what to bring, so.” He said with a shrug as you pulled out a bottle of red wine. 
“Oh, thank you, Seokjin.” You hadn’t been expecting him to bring anything at all. It was a lovely surprise. 
“You probably have some waiting already. I’m sorry.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” you reassured him. “We’ll use this one.” You were going to use a bottle of white wine you had laying around, nothing special at all. Red wine seemed better, fancier, maybe it would go better with the lasagne?
“Are you sure?” He asked. “I was gonna get you flowers but I didn’t want to freak you out or anything.”
You laughed. What was he going on about? “Why would that freak me out?”
His smile was crooked as he chuckled quietly. “I don’t know. I’m new to this, I thought they would’ve been too forward.” 
You gave a small shrug, voice barely there when you replied. “I like flowers.”
He gazed at you, warm eyes softening as he stepped forward. “Next time.” He smiled. “Next time I’ll get you flowers.” 
You swallowed fairly loudly, averting your gaze as you outstretched your arms. “Let me take you coat.” Was it hot in here? You felt a little stuffy. 
He shrugged off the beige wool blend, revealing the tight fitting black shirt he had on underneath. It stretched over his shoulders, accentuating how broad they were, how hard his chest was and how much his waist curved inwards. The pants he was wearing didn’t help matters too. He looked effortlessly gorgeous, hair parted to the side, a piece curled above his left eye, softening the blow of his exposed forehead. You moved to hook his coat on the rack, realising you could’ve been gawping. Not that you could help it, the man was trying to kill you.
As you turned to face him again, he smiled. “You look really nice.” His voice was soft which just made it even more dangerous. “I think this may be the first time I’ve seen you in pants.” 
“Really?” You wondered. You were partial to a dress in the summer, so he was probably right. You’d chosen a pair of black skinny jeans and a patterned chiffon blouse. Nothing too fancy, but he looked at you with awe-filled eyes. Unless you were imagining it. You cleared your throat. “You look good too.”
He stepped back, arms outstretched as he looked down at himself. “Thanks. No white.” He chuckled. 
You forced yourself to laugh too, nerves creeping back just because of your stupid damn lasagne. “No white.” 
Moving forward again he took your hand. It was warm and soft, just as you remembered from last week. Who cared about the lasagne when you were this close to him? When he was looking down at you with those brown, twinkly eyes? Not you anymore. 
“I’ve been looking forward to this all week, Y/N.” 
Oh.
.
.
You invited him inside the living room first, pouring him a small (and his only because he the car) glass of wine as you chit chatted for a few minutes. Sat next to him was RJ, who you’d taken from your bedroom to join you both for the night. He wanted to say Hi, had been your opening line and Seokjin had found it hilarious, cracking up instantly. Although his “I missed you buddy, how have you been?” went rudely ignored. Maybe the alpaca was nervous… 
Ever the gentleman, he complimented you on the house, noting the décor with a fond eye. That surprised you, maybe he had played a part with the interior of his home. Well, you’d only seen the cosy family room – but it suited him very well. You knew there had been no need to be nervous when it came to inviting him into your home. There wasn’t a judging bone in Seokjin’s body. 
You talked about your weeks, yours had been fine, but of course you left out all the stress over the lasagne. Seokjin’s week on the other hand had been quite demanding, but that was nothing new he told you with an accepting shake of his hand. He was used to it by now, but he had to admit tonight’s date had made it easier this time around. He was full of the charm, not that you were complaining…
Misook was babysitting Arin tonight, he told you when you asked how she was. It was his weekend this week, he and Nana took it in turns – when she didn’t cancel, he added as an afterthought – but he seemed a lot more relaxed talking about his ex-wife this time around seeing as last weekend she hadn’t broken any promises. He was happy if his daughter was happy, and that made you smile. You remembered Arin’s sorrowful face that day her mom had cancelled on her, so you were glad they’d found time to spend time together. You also remembered how irritated Seokjin had sounded when he was opening up to you on the bench at the school fate… You wondered just how often Nana cancelled plans, and couldn’t imagine how frustrating that was for both Arin and Seokjin… You hoped this marked the start of things being easier for them now. 
Soon after that, you served him your starter (“garlic – wait, no I mean, no-garlic bread.”), and you chatted some more over that and while the lasagne baked. It was surprising how little you’d touched the sides on your first date, so tonight you covered even more bases. Family mainly. You told him about your half and step siblings, your parents’ remarriages of course coming up too. He seemed interested in that, wondering about your views on it and if it had affected you as you grew up. As a divorcee you understood the relevance to him and because he was so easy to talk to you found yourself opening up freely. 
His parents were still married and Seokjin was the youngest out of their two sons, so it was quite unheard of for the second born to take over a family company. In fact, it was the first of its kind for his, which made it even harder for him. His older brother had been the rightful heir to LG Electronics but his passion had always been in culinary arts. His parents had been kind enough to let him follow his dreams, and thankfully, for Seokjin, that meant he could follow in his father’s footsteps. He’d been eager to prove himself but it had been hard in the beginning. His status as the youngest son meant that a lot of people set him up for failure, but with his family’s love and belief he’d managed to succeed and confirm himself as the rightful CEO. You didn’t doubt it. It seemed he’d worked hard to get where he was now. That was admirable. 
The influx of information was so interesting to you and it didn’t feel real. While you could imagine Seokjin taking charge, visualising him in that tailored houndstooth suit he’d worn when you’d first met him, it was strange to think the smiley and soft-spoken man sat in front of you was from a long line of power and wealth. He should be untouchable, yet here you were able to reach for his hand across the table. Able to feel his forefinger stroking delicate patterns into your palm as you opened up and got to know one another more and more… 
“So, if your family’s a big deal, what about things like arranged marriages? Are they still a thing?” You asked, maybe confusing fiction for fact. 
Seokjin laughed at your wording. “They used to be, not so much anymore. I met my ex-wife through a friend. They concentrate less on things like that these days.” He shrugged, adding as an afterthought, “As a divorced CEO I think I’m a great example of that.” 
That was true, you thought to yourself, wondering how the breakdown of his marriage had also played a part in the stress of his early years as CEO. 
“I know it all sounds pretty crazy, but I like to think my family is just like anyone else’s.” He continued, smiling bashfully when you met his gaze. “That I’m just like anyone else.” 
You wondered how many people had immediately judged him because of his status… You’d been one of them, right? Even if you hadn’t known any of the details, you’d written him off as some obnoxious, rich guy who flaunted his wealth… You felt guilty thinking back. He was the complete opposite.
You nodded in agreement before grinning. “I’d have liked to see what college Seokjin was like.” 
“A complete nerd, to tell you the truth.” 
He answered so seriously, you didn’t know how to react, and then he was laughing loudly, cracking up at himself. You couldn’t help but join in. That’s when your stove alarm went off, shrill and incessant, signalling the arrival of the dreaded lasagne…
It turned out he loved it though. 
“This is amazing,” Seokjin praised, mouth still half full as he chewed. You did have to admit it was good. It tasted just like the original, despite the lack of garlic. Seokjin quirked an eyebrow, smirking your way. “So, how lucky am I to be able to try this World famous Italian lasagne?” 
“Very lucky.” You kept your answer short. Hoping he’d just drop it. 
He didn’t. 
“How lucky?” He tried to pry from you. “How many people have tried it?” 
You gave him a small smile, hovering your fork over the plate. Technically he was the third, but you couldn’t tell him that, could you? “I can’t disclose that.” 
He emitted a short laugh. “What about the recipe? Care to share?” 
You brushed him off with a soft chuckle. “A chef never tells her secrets.”
“Not even me?” His bottom lip jutted out as he looked across at you. 
Your heart did a little dance. He was being unfair. “Don’t pout like that, it’s making me feel guilty.” 
Thankfully the lasagne topic fizzled out after a couple more minutes, your cold sweat having time to dissipate while you chatted and ate together comfortably. However a few minutes later you noticed Seokjin fidgeting slightly in his seat. You politely ignored it to begin with, unsure if you were just imagining it, but then he started itching the back of his neck. You put your fork down, a sick feeling washing over you. “Is anything wrong?” You asked, now watching him itch up his forearm. “Seokjin?”
He looked at you in mild confusion, eyebrows creasing together as he opened his mouth. “Are you sure there wasn’t any garlic in this?” 
You swallowed away the panic racing up your throat. “I’m sure.” You’d read the back of that jar and then read it some more. “I’m positive.” 
… Weren’t you? You watched him scoot his chair back, leaning down to start scratching the back of his calves. He made noises of discomfort as he did so. 
“Oh, no…” You were up before you could stop yourself, racing around him to start hunting in the recycling for the glass jar. 
“Wait, where are you going?” 
You could hear Seokjin’s voice behind you, sounding alarmed, but you were too panicked to really take it in. You needed to be sure. This was just your second date, you couldn’t ruin things already. Turning him into one giant itchy red blob had not been your intention.  
“I was only teasing you.” Still, his words didn’t sink in. That was until you felt a hand on your elbow, tugging gently for your attention. 
You spun around, worried eyes wide – even wider when you found him so close. He was on his feet too, bent a little to level with you, pretty much within kissing distance. His voice was soft when he spoke, you found yourself distracted by his mouth. “Y/N, I was just messing around.”
You blinked, not truly understanding with all those annoying distractions zooming around your mind, but slowly you pieced his words together. Oh. Despite the relief you felt, now you just felt silly. Plus, he was still so close to you… 
You took a step back, the small of your back pressing up against the counter. You needed a clear head. “Don’t freak me out like that.” You told him, but you still sighed in relief, hand against your chest. “I thought I’d poisoned you.” 
He looked a little concerned, but you could tell by his eyes he found your reaction amusing. “I’m sorry,” he apologised. “I just wanted to make you laugh.”
“Make me laugh? You nearly gave me heart failure.” However, you gave him what he wanted, a laugh that sounded weak and shaky, but it was something – you did see the funny side. 
He joined you, shoulders relaxing now that he knew you were okay. He looked behind you, eyes on the trashcan, a bemused smile on his face. “What were you looking for anyway?”
“The jar.” You answered, as if it wasn’t obvious. You turned, deciding to fish it out anyway. Holding it up to him, you were adamant. “See, no garlic. Check.” 
He chuckled. “I already said I was joking.” He took one look at your desperate expression and gave in, taking the jar from your hand. “But if it makes you feel better…” You watched him as he read the label, silently soaking in his handsome features. He looked softer tonight, the curve of his jaw rounding as he smiled. It took you a moment to realise he was done. He handed the jar back to you, and you prayed to God he hadn’t caught you staring at him all gooey-eyed. “It’s fine.” He confirmed. “I’ll be itch free tonight.” 
You smiled and plopped the glass back inside the can. “I looked around town for hour trying to find lasagne sauce sans garlic.” 
He looked guilty. “I’m sorry for being awkward.” Then he paused, eyes narrowing, the hint of a smirk itching at the corners of his mouth. “But… Y/N, are you a fraud?” Huh? What did he mean? You didn’t need to wait long for an explanation. “I thought a certified chef would cook up a batch of her own tomato sauce.”
Oh. You’d gone and put your foot in it, hadn’t you? It was probably time to explain yourself… “I have a confession,” you began, sounding wary. Seokjin looked interested albeit it mildly confused. “I… may have told a little white lie.”
He shook his head, a puff of laughter leaving him. “You’ve lost me.” 
You took a deep breath, knowing you were going to have to spell it out for him. “I’ve never made lasagne before. Ever. In my entire life.” 
He looked confused as silence spread out between you. He sounded it too when he spoke again. “Then why did you say it was your speciality?”
You groaned, dropping your face into your hands for one dramatic moment. “I panicked.” Peeking at him, you babbled on. “I know it sounds stupid but Soojung was curtain twitching and it was stressing me out and then you were asking me what I cooked and lasagne just popped into my head!”
Seokjin blinked, his mouth twitched and then he was laughing – loudly. 
“You find it funny?” You asked, relaxing a tad. 
“Very.” He laughed harder but seeing the look of bafflement on your face he tried is best to still it. 
“I’ve been practicing it like crazy,” you whined, happy you could finally tell him all about your lasagne struggles. “This is my fourth time eating it this week. Soojung nearly killed me.” You snorted at the memory. This started up Seokjin again. “And then I forgot you were allergic to garlic. Your text reminded me this morning and I had to rush out to the grocery store.” 
He was weak at the knees at that, and you were laughing just because he was. It was contagious. “Stop,” you wailed, attempting to get a hold of yourself. This week had actually been quite traumatic. “I’m glad you find it funny, I’ve been in constant stress ever since you drove off last week.” 
“I can’t help it.” He chuckled, although he did sound apologetic. “You’re just so adorable.” The air that settled around his effortless admission made your skin prickle. When he carried on, his tone was gentle. “You know I wouldn’t have minded if you changed the menu to something else, right?” 
You pouted ever so slightly. “But you were looking forward to it.” 
He gave a small shrug. “True, but… that was more so code for ‘I’m looking forward to seeing you again.’ The food was just a bonus. I’d be happy with a Big Mac.” 
You felt your cheeks burn and you tried to shake yourself out of it. “So embarrassing,” you murmured. You didn’t know what for… The lasagne mess or the fact he could have this much of an effect of you? You were inclined to go with the latter. 
“What about the no-garlic bread?” Seokjin asked, changing the subject a little. Maybe he’d sensed your embarrassment and didn’t want to make it worse. He was sweet. “Did you make that?”
“Yeah,” you nodded. “Well, I didn’t bake the bread. I just toasted it.” It was still a speciality of yours though. “It would’ve been much tastier with the garlic.” 
He gave you an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that. This body wants to turn me into a miserable old man.” 
Pfft. Old? Miserable? He was anything but. 
“Sit,” he prompted you, smiling as he motioned with his head to the table. “Finish your World famous Italian lasagne before it grows cold.” 
As you moved he delicately cupped his hand around the curve your waist, giving it a soft squeeze before he got to his chair first. Your stomach flipped, head dizzy as you sat and tucked your chair in. Last Saturday popped into your head, the way you’d loosely held hands outside and how you were sure he’d been leaning in to kiss you – properly. 
You knew one thing. You really wanted to kiss him tonight. 
Trying to get a hold of yourself, you glanced at him, catching his eyes. He was already tucking in again, and he grinned bashfully, as if embarrassed. “This really is great. All that practice paid off.” A pause. “You should show me how you cooked it sometime.” 
Your face lit up in surprise. “You cook?” In the back of your mind you were aware that he’d probably been hinting for a third date, but you were so shocked by the possibly of Seokjin cooking you couldn’t stop yourself from asking. 
He chuckled quietly. “I mean, when I have time and can be bothered. I like cooking but it’s just easier to go to a restaurant or get it delivered.” He looked sheepish before adding, “Or Misook does it for me.” 
There was no shame when it came to that. Seokjin probably worked all hours of the day, no one could expect him to tie on an apron when he got home and start pulling out pots and pans. 
“Do you cook a lot?” He asked. 
You nodded. “Soojung and I take it in turns.” 
“So what is your speciality?” He smiled. 
This time around you were in your right mind and able to answer properly. “Veggie tacos.” 
He raised his eyebrows, impressed. Then he tried again. “Can you make them for me sometime?”
He was persistent, you’d give him that. You shrugged, trying your best to sound impassive but the little smirk gave it away. “Maybe if you say please…” 
He laughed, leaning forward, a hand clasping yours as he tilted his head. The piece of curled hair falling into his left eye. “Please?”
Your heart did another little dance inside your chest. 
.
After dessert you both made your way back to the living room, settling on your couch with two pomegranate mocktails Taehyung had prepared for you yesterday. All you had to do was add the pomegranate juice and lemonade to the ice cubes and crushed lime segments and mint before serving, easy-peasy. Seokjin was highly impressed, but of course you couldn’t take the credit. It was all down to your best friend’s very helpful barman boyfriend. 
You were glad Seokjin wanted to stay as you didn’t want the night to be over yet. It had flown by so fast and you’d had so much fun. You already felt like you knew him better, even after only two dates. It was strange to you, how you could feel so relaxed in a stranger’s company, but then again, you guessed he wasn’t a stranger anymore… Plus, he was so easy to talk to, so interesting to get to know…. Everything between you two came easy. 
Like opening up to him, being a bit more vulnerable… 
“I’ve been slightly nervous all week,” you admitted, clutching your drink to you before chuckling softly. “– and not just about the lasagne faux pas…” 
“There was no need to be nervous. I thought we left all that behind on the first date,” Seokjin reassured, smiling warmly your way. 
You were sat together, turned to face one another. It was intimate and cosy. He had one leg lifted, the ankle resting on the knee of the other leg, and where his pants had ridden up, you could see an inch or so of his calf before it met the black cotton of his sock. For some reason, you found that very, very sexy. Maybe you had been single for far too long. 
“We did,” you agreed, hesitating slightly. “It’s just… I haven’t done anything like this in so long.” 
You didn’t even think you’d ever invited someone around for dinner before. You were still quite young when you found yourself in a relationship with Donghae so your dates before him had been very basic. Your dates with him hadn’t really classed as such just because you became official fairly quickly, and your dates after him, well, it was already known that they had been few and far between. 
“You already know we’re in the same boat,” he smiled before chuckling bashfully. “No, but really, when I asked you for dinner that day at the fate I was expecting you to turn me down.” 
“How come?”
He looked down at his drink, lifting a shoulder. “I thought you’d think that I was crossing a line… or maybe the spark I was feeling was all in my head and in reality you just found me really annoying.” 
That was cute. He’d been doubting himself. Human after all. Not that you’d ever thought he wasn’t. You still didn’t miss the opportunity to joke around though. “I mean, both can exist simultaneously.” He taking a sip of his mocktail when you replied so he ended up snorting into his glass, amused by your wit. 
A moment or so passed and Seokjin gazed at you, smiling softly. If he kept this up, you’d be a puddle on your parquet flooring. “So, tell me,” he hummed. “How did I luck out so good?” You raised an eyebrow, wondering what he meant. “How come an amazing person like you isn’t married or in a relationship?”
He must’ve seen the slight shock on your face and panicked instantly. “Is that a weird thing to ask? I feel like it is. I apologise.”
“No,” you insisted, sitting up a little straighter. He followed. “No, it’s not.” You wanted to open up to him. You really did. You just didn’t know where to start. Although, it was pretty simple. “I’ve been single for a while.” 
“How long?” Seokjin was instantly focused, attentive, noticing the change in your body language. 
“Three years. My last relationship didn’t end very well.” You paused, wondering if you should continue. But then… It had been a massive part of your life. No matter how much time had passed and no matter how okay you were now, it had still happened. And Seokjin, he had trusted you enough to open up about his divorce – even before you’d gone on your first date. You wanted to talk about it. You really did. 
“I found out my fiancé was cheating on me.”  
Seokjin’s eyes widened, unable to cloak his surprise. He hadn’t been expecting that. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he said sincerely. 
“It’s fine,” you smiled. “It was rough getting over it. Took me a while, but it is what it is. It’s in the past now.” 
“Did it put you off dating?” 
You were pleasantly surprised to find it was actually easy to talk to Seokjin about this. Your mouth was opening before you had to think about it. “I mean, at first. I was still very much in love with him, even after he broke my heart. But I got over him and I started dating again – briefly – It just didn’t feel right.” You stopped to smile. “It’s been over a year and I can’t say I missed it… but you…” Nerves growing, you pushed them away. “You’ve changed that. I’m having fun.” 
Seokjin’s face lit up and he chuckled. “I did hit second date status after all.” 
“You did…” 
“So,” he leaned closer, a small smirk on his face. “You could say, hitting your car that day wasn’t actually my fault because it was supposed to happen.” 
You snorted as you laughed, head falling against the back of the couch. “I wouldn’t go that far.” 
He made a sound. “But we wouldn’t have met otherwise.” 
“We would!” You exclaimed. “The parent-teacher meeting.” 
He blinked, feeling dumb. “Oh, yeah.” 
It wouldn’t have had the same effect, granted, but you would have become acquainted with one another regardless. “Would you have still liked me?” You asked without thinking, surprising yourself. 
“Yes,” he replied immediately. “I was instantly attracted to you after all, it’s just…” Instantly attracted? Definitely a charmer... “There would’ve been no way for me to get to know you like I did.”
You narrowed your eyes. “You’re really adamant that you had to reverse into my car to make this work, huh.”
He shrugged casually. “It was the only way.” 
You laughed quietly, finishing the last of your drink. Time was getting on, it was pretty late, Seokjin had already finished his, you watched him sit up to lean forward and place the glass on your coffee table. His shirt tightened across his shoulder blades and you could see his back muscles as he stretched. Oh.  
Settling back into the same position, he looked over at you and grinned. His teeth were perfect. Did this man have zero flaws? Why were you so whipped? It was embarrassing. 
“I had fun tonight,” you told him, trying to keep a lid on whatever was going on with you right now. 
He seemed pleased with that, nodding his head. “I’m happy to hear that you think I’m a fun person.” 
You scoffed, body falling closer to his. Your shoulders brushed together. Seokjin didn’t take his eyes off you. “Hm. I don’t think I said that.” 
“Hey, don’t be so mean.” He murmured, one side of his mouth quirking up. 
Like you couldn’t stop yourself, your hand reached for the collar of shirt. He had the top two buttons loose and your pinkie finger brushed against his collarbone. Sparks flew, but you tried to ignore them. “I thought you liked it when I was mean.” You teased, voice low. 
Seokjin hummed, his eyes still twinkled like they always did but there was something else to them, a depth that made you feel funny. He sunk closer to you. So close you could study the thick curve of his eyelashes, notice that both his eyelids were different. He really did have beautiful eyes. You could stare at them forever. 
Preoccupied, you slowly realised that he was watching you too, studying your features in the golden glow of the floor lamp that hovered over the couch. His lips parted, you heard them rather than saw it, but then your attention was on them again. Just like it had been earlier on in the night. He was staring at yours too as he spoke. “I wanted to kiss you last week.” 
You heartbeat quickened but you tried to keep cool. “You did kiss me.” You laughed. 
He sighed. “On the cheek.”  
You lightly tugged his collar, fingertips now brushing the skin of his chest. “Isn’t that what you said you wanted to do?”
You could feel his own heartbeat against your forearm that was pressed into him. It was definitely running a little faster than it was supposed to – stronger. “Yes, but…” He glanced up to your eyes. “I was just being polite. I wanted to kiss your lips.”
It felt like you were holding your breath. Maybe you were, you just couldn’t think straight. Time seemed to stretch out, but you knew what you wanted. So you went after it. Giving him a small smile, you replied. “Maybe I wanted that too.” 
He swallowed, voice so low now it was barely a murmur. “Is that an invitation?” His eyes bounced to your lips again, then back to your eyes as he asked permission. “Can I kiss you?”
You ever so slightly dragged your bottom lip beneath your teeth as you nodded, breath catching in your throat as Seokjin leaned forward and closed the distance between you. The hand in between your bodies moved to delicately hold the wrist of your arm against his chest, holding you there as his other hand reached for your jaw, angling your face to press a kiss to your mouth. His eyes were already closed so you followed. 
He hummed at the contact, his lips soft and warm and you let yourself sink. His actions were light at first, faint as he kept constant pressure, as if he was familiarising himself with the sensation. You couldn’t even let yourself think about how this was the first kiss you’d shared with someone for a very long time. All that was going through your mind was how good it felt to be touched like this by him. 
He readjusted the hand on your face, tucking some hair behind your ear to cup your cheek. You liked that. You liked it when he touched you, and he eased from your mouth completely before coming back with a firmer pressure. It was your turn to make a sound; a tiny gasp as your lips began to move together ever so slowly. He liked that, a hum of satisfaction vibrating against the soft skin of your lips. You clutched at his shirt, gathering the crisp cotton in your fist, that would surely turn it creased, but he didn’t seem to mind. He was too preoccupied with reaching for the glass you’d forgotten was hugged to your body by your free hand. 
He unclasped it from your fingers and had no choice but to break away from your mouth to put it next to his on the coffee table. You whined, attempting to tug him back to you, and he chuckled, taking a hold of one of your hands. “I’ll be back,” he whispered, leaning forward to place the cocktail glass down. 
And he was. 
This time he used both of his hands to grasp your face and dive back in. He was more confident this time, moving in such a way his lips pried yours open. You reached for his shoulders, grasping them to hold him closer and this time you both made noises – sweet, quiet ones that worked beautiful together as your lips moulded with gradual urgency. 
When your hands found the nape of his neck, fingers through his hair, he had to drag the tip of his tongue across your bottom lip, seeking entry. You met it with yours, tasting hints of pomegranate and lime with each wash of tongue. A hand of his slipped down to your side, stroking up and down the curve as if he couldn’t help but to touch you. He settled at your hip after a moment, the other splayed against the side of your neck, his thumb rolling small circles under your cheekbone. 
This was getting addictive. You could tell by the way you moaned softly against each warm, wet curl of his tongue. This was everything you’d imagined and more – because you had imagined it. Late and secretly at night when you were trying to drift off to sleep and thoughts of lasagne were banished… You were glad your first kiss was here, inside, on your couch, because this wasn’t something for the open, your knees wouldn’t have been able to hold you up. 
You could have kissed him forever, you mean, you definitely didn’t want it to stop but you pretty much had to. Breathing was a necessity, right? If you couldn’t breathe you wouldn’t be able to ever kiss Seokjin again and that would be absolutely awful… 
You did it the right way though – gradually. Seokjin slowed it right down, only hints of his tongue left as he hummed indulgently, like he was savouring your taste before he had to inevitably pull away. It made your insides jump around like crazy, hearing him enjoying himself, and you tried your best to come to when he started easing the pressure of his lips, pressing small, chaste kisses to them instead as you ultimately (but slowly) broke apart. 
You opened your eyes, blinking up at him, hands falling from his hair, aware you had become one with your cushions. You struggled to free yourself as he sat back and you watched him smile fondly at you. His breath was shaky – so was yours, and you were sure his hands trembled slightly as one reached up to scratch the back of his neck. His neck that was blotched with red, flushed, travelling to his cheeks. They were rosier than you’d ever seen them before. Your gut stirred. 
“I’ve been dreaming of that,” he told you, before making a face at himself. “Too cringey?” 
You giggled – it sounded foreign. “Just a bit.” But didn’t deter the fact you loved it. 
You warmed when you felt him squeeze your hip, realising his hand was still there and you reached for it, tangling your fingers with his. He pulled them to his mouth, kissing your knuckles softly. His expression was thoughtful when he lowered your hands. “In all seriousness, thank you for giving me a chance, after well, you know, everything.”
You smiled, touched by his earnestness, but it was hard to keep a sane mind when his lips were as kiss bitten as they were – deep pink and glistening. You wanted to kiss his face off. 
“It’s no problem,” you quipped, as if you were doing him a favour. 
He chuckled tenderly, and luckily for you he was unable to stop himself from kissing you again. He reached forward, hooking a finger under your chin to press his mouth to yours softly. “I’d really love if we could keep on doing… this.” He murmured. 
“The dating or the kissing,” you grinned, stealing another kiss in the process. 
“Hm,” he contemplated. “Both preferably.” 
And then you were on one another again, eager once more. 
Although, you did manage to pull away briefly to tell him something, his mouth moving to the side of your face to kiss there instead as your hands dragged down his back. You were somehow able to get the words out – ones that made him laugh against your wet jaw. 
“I’m so glad you hit my car.” 
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Written 2020 - 2021.  Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021
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The Beach - a The Rookie/Chenford Fanfic
“7-Adam-11, show us responding,” Jackson said over the radio as Lucy leaned back against her headrest defeatedly.
“I didn’t think I’d ever say this but I really don’t want to go to the beach.” “Like ever again,” she added even as she took the first turn towards their destination. 
LA was 4 days into a record heat wave and over that time Lucy had learnt a few important things 1) Unsurprisingly, extreme heat causes everyone to flock to the ocean. 2) It also makes people extremely irritable. 3) Lots of irritable people packed together in large groups leads to chaos and 4) wool uniforms are not ideal attire for patrolling beaches in temperatures around 100. 
So after 4 days she was over it. She had spent Monday with Jackson getting sworn at, honked at and nearly run over as they directed traffic at the busiest beaches in the city. She spent Tuesday with Tim breaking up beach brawls, confiscating contributing alcohol and watching bikini clad woman flirt with Tim. At least 8 different woman had asked him to rub sunscreen on them or suggested he take off his shirt to cool down. She had rolled her eyes so much she had given herself a headache. Although it may have been the sun. Yesterday, her and Nolan and responded to a report of a missing child who was feared drowned or kidnapped but turned out had followed the music of an ice cream truck four blocks and was found, about 30 minutes after the officers arrived, happily eating a fudgiscle. However, they were kept at the beach for the remainder of their shift by various citizens with complaints ranging from seagulls, wasps and possible sharks to thieves, streakers and possible melanoma. 
Now her and Jackson were headed back to a beach where the adjacent shrubbery was currently being consumed by a blazing bush fire, which was in all likelihood human caused and spreading fast. Therefore all hands were on deck as the LAPD worked with the LAFD to keep civilians safe, extinguish the fire and investigate its cause.
The rest of her shift passed in a blur as they interviewed witnesses, cordoned off the area, issued evacuation orders, ensured those who needed it got medical attention, joined a production line passing large buckets of water from the ocean to where the fire was burning and debriefed with their team which included Nolan and Tim, and Lopez and Harper. Luckily in the end, the fire was successfully extinguished, those living nearby were safe and happily back in their homes and the perpetrator, a cigarette butt flicker, was caught. But not until nearly 11pm by which time the entire team was exhausted, scorching and covered in soot and ash. With their job done the team of 6 headed away from the scene back along the beach to where they had parked their shops. They were right on the sand where they left them to create a barrier preventing people from wandering toward the fire and the beach around them was abandoned. Likely due to a combination of the late hour, the fire itself and the fact that the stretch of beach they were on was only accessible by walking about a mile from one of the main beaches on either side or by scrambling down the steep cliff behind them.
“Anybody want a cold one,” Nolan asked when they reached the vehicles, “well a hot one I guess” he amended as he pulled out a six pack he had confiscated earlier in the day from the trunk of his shop. Everybody made a face at the offer of hot beer but since the only light around came from the shops headlights shining in the opposite direction Nolan didn’t see them.
“Screw it, I’ll take one,” Angela said.
“Wesley and Patrice took the baby to meet the extended Evers clan so I have nowhere to be and now that I’m no longer breastfeeding I can have whatever I want. Even if that’s gross beer that’s been sitting in a hot car all day,” she explained.
“If we dig a hole near the water line it will fill with cold seawater and we can make a makeshift beer fridge,” Jackson suggested but Angela had already opened her can and was sipping away.
“I’ll help dig the hole,” Nyla offered. “I’d rather hangout here then go back to the station to do paperwork and Lila’s with her dad so I also have no where I have to be.”
“I’ll call Grey and tell him we’re clocking out and will do the paperwork in the morning,” Tim offered.
“Your staying?” Lucy asked a little too excitedly, “what about Kojo?” she quickly added.
“Tamara called several hours ago and offered to give him dinner, take him for a walk and put him to bed.”“She saw the fire on the news and rightly assumed we’d have our hands full,” he finished.
30 minutes later they all sat in the sand around their makeshift beer fridge. Shoes, socks and button up shirts discarded and pants pulled up to their knees. 3 flashlights were in the middle of the group, pointing skyward, their handles buried in the sand. They laughed as they went around and told stories.
“How is it still this hot?” Lucy asked a while later.  It was after midnight and the temperature had yet to even consider dropping below 90. 
She pulled her white t-shirt away from her skin fanning, herself. 
“I’m going swimming,” she declared ready to stand up.
“Your going swimming? Right Now? In that?” Tim asked gesturing to her cotton tee and woolen pants.
Lucy shook her head. “I was just going to go in my underwear but now that I think about it I don’t really want to have to drive back to the station in soaking wet underwear.”
Tim nodded as if this is what he expected but Lucy didn’t see him and continued.
“I guess I’ll just skinny dip,” she concluded.
Tim managed to both spit out and choke on the sip of beer he had just taken.
Everybody else’s faces were turned towards Tim and wearing amused expressions but they were saved his annoyance due to the limited light and the fact that his attention was still fully on Lucy.
“What?” She asked Tim, “It’s not a big deal. It’s dark. Plus everybody here has already seen me naked.” 
“Well except you,” she added, which earned another spit take from Tim.
Lucy rolled her eyes but couldn’t suppress a smile. She loved seeing Tim flustered, especially when it was her doing.
“What?” He finally managed to ask in a strained voice after a few harsh coughs to clear his throat.
“Everybody here’s seen Lucy naked but you,” Lopez offered, “although that was bound to change sometime soon,” she added.
Lucy and Tim both turned to look at her wide eyed. Nolan and Nyla were both hiding smirks and Jackson wore an expression of mainly panic as he spoke.
“She’s drunk. She has no idea what she’s saying,” Jackson offered before turning to look daggers at Angela and whisper something in her ear.
Lucy thought she heard the words bet, interference and disqualified but she couldn’t be sure.
When he finished Angela addressed them again. “Sorry, apparently my tolerance took a nose dive since pre-pregnancy. I didn’t mean anything by that I got you mixed up with Smitty and what’s her face,” she finished waving her hand disparagingly.
“Hmm,” Lucy said clearly not buying her lame excuse but Tim still had his mind on other things.
“Why has everybody else here seen you naked?” he asked, his tone almost suspicious.
Lucy laughed. “Are you jealous?”
He fixed her with his best TO look. “No.”
Lucy suppressed the urge to roll her eyes yet again and answered.
“Communal showers at work,” she began gesturing to Nyla and Angela. “Best friends and roommates” she added pointing to Jackson. “Life gets crazy. Sometimes closing doors or throwing on clothes just isn’t a priority,” she explained seeing Tim’s confused expression. “Also we had to help each other into and out of the bath after we were injured.” She didn’t have to specify her kidnapping or the beating Jackson took to take down Doug Stanton. This group knew. “It’s kind of ironic that when everything hurts all you want is a warm bath but when everything hurts it’s nearly impossible to get yourself into and out of a bathtub,” she finishes. “Oh and Nolan and I used to date.” She says it as almost an afterthought, super casual. But all the former TOs still look at her with shock.
“You and Nolan?” Nyla asks with a laugh. “Really?” “No offense,” she adds addressing Nolan.
“Ah, none taken?” Nolan replies, clearly confused by her reaction.
“When?” Lopez asks looking between the two P2s.
“For a couple months while we were in the academy. We called it off shortly after we started at Mid-Wilshire,” Nolan supplied.
“Wow, I just can’t picture it,” Angela continued shaking her head.
“Why would you want to picture it?” Tim spat. Then seemed to catch himself and schooled his scowl back into a blank expression.
“Why’d you call it off, anyway?” Angela asked. Half actually curious. Half just trying to do her friend a solid and take the attention off him.
“Bishop warned me that dating a fellow cop would brand me and could ruin my career,” Lucy answered and thought she saw Tim flinch. It was impossible to tell for sure with just the flashlights, nevertheless she added, “Somethings matter more-“ she was staring right at Tim now “-are worth the gossip, the assumptions, the risk.” As she said it she saw his expression change but she couldn’t read it. “But our relationship wasn’t one of those things. We’re better as friends, anyway,” she finished addressing the whole group but looking at Nolan specifically for confirmation.
“Agreed,” Nolan nodded holding up his beer.
“To friends,” Jackson said clicking his to Nolan’s.
“To friends,” everybody joined in clinking their cans together.
“So who’s coming skinny dipping with me?” Lucy asked as she started to make her way back to the vehicles where she could leave her clothes in a place where they’d stay sand free.
“I will,” said Angela, “pregnancy and caring for a baby really makes modesty go out the window. The two beers I’ve had don’t hurt either.” She began to follow Lucy to the cars.
“I’m in,” Jackson offered, “with you two practically glowing in the dark nobody will even notice me.” He teased as he got up to join them, earning a playful shove from Lucy.
“Nobody’s here to see anything anyway.” She retorted.
“Go ahead. I might join you later.” Nolan said and Nyla and Tim nodded in agreement.
10 minutes later. Lucy, Angela and Jackson’s clothes were inside Jackson and Lucy’s shop and they were out in the ocean. It dropped off quickly so they weren’t that far away from the beach even though the water came to just below Lucy’s shoulders. After four days of blazing heat and the fire on top today, the cool water felt like heaven to her. She dipped and dove through the water, relishing the cool and wiped at her face and hands to remove the soot that had coated them earlier. Beside her Angela was trying to show Jackson what her son does when they put him in the water. This led to reminiscing about childhood summers spent at the beach or in backyard and community pools. And before they knew it they were playing old games from those days. John and Nyla had joined them by this time. Claiming some combination of escaping the heat, joining the fun and more beer as the motivation. They were currently having breath holding contests.
“I win!” Jackson exclaimed as he came up for air to find everyone else already up.
“You cheated,” Lucy argued, “I saw you come up while I was still under. I had my eyes open.”
“I did not. Plus it’s pitch black under there you couldn’t possibly have seen anything.”
“Did Jackson come up?” Lucy yelled at Tim who was still sitting on the shore.
“I don’t know. I wasn’t watching,” he replied casually with a slight shrug.
“Yes you were,” Angela argued, “you haven’t taken your eyes off Lucy since she got in here,” then realizing what she said she quickly ducked back under the water. 
Everybody still above the surface froze.
Then after a beat. “So did he come up or not. I need to know if I won,” Nyla asked, all business.
“He floated to the surface but didn’t lift his head up. He won,” Tim offered defeatedly.
“Told you!” Jackson bragged.
“Rematch. 3,2,1 go,” shouted Nyla as everybody ducked back under the water. Lucy a split second behind everybody else as her attention was still on Tim. 
She came up about 30 seconds later just as a wave was passing by her and managed to swallow a good serving of water. She coughed and sputtered but before she knew it Jackson and Nolan were beside her and she was assuring them she was Ok just needed a bit of time to catch her breath. As she swam towards the shore to rest in the shallows she noticed Tim was just sitting back down and his pants were wet to just above the knee. But she didn’t let herself focus on it.
She swam to just in front of where he sat laying on her stomach on the ocean floor, head just above the water.
“You OK?” He asked shifting his eyes to her for the first time since she swam up.
“Ya fine, just swallowed a little water,” she assured him.
“Looks like you guys are having fun out there,” he nodded indicating the group still farther out.
“Ya the water feels amazing. You can’t honestly tell me that you aren’t hot.” She had meant it literally. He was sitting in above 90 degree weather with wool pants on. But then she realized he had taken off his white shirt and his muscled chest and stomach were currently on full display and the word took on an entirely different meaning. She was thankful for the darkness as it hid her blush but even that couldn’t hide the fact that she was definitely staring. 
“The ladies on the beach the other day will be so disappointed they’re missing this,” she teased gesturing to his bare upper half, hoping to give a probable explanation for the staring.
He gave a short laugh. “Not as disappointed as the meat bags who were wolf whistling at you will be that they’re missing that.” As he gestured at her he finally let himself actually take her in. Her hair was still up in its low work bun leaving her entire back exposed. The upper half of which was completely taken up by a tattoo, he had never seen before, although the light was too limited for him to make out the design. The rest of her body was hidden in shadows except her face which was now free of soot and make-up making her look young and vulnerable. Freckles brought out by the last few days of blazing sun were speckled across the bridge of her nose. Her mouth was twisted in thought and her eyes sparkled in the light of the flashlights. She really was beautiful.
While those thoughts flew through Tim’s mind Lucy was thinking about his comment about the wolf whistlers. That had happened at the very start of their shift and lasted no more than two seconds. Lucy wasn’t even sure they had been whistling at her and she had completely forgotten about it until Tim brought it up just now. Funny that he would remember. 
 They were both pulled out of their thoughts by a sudden commotion further out in the water:
“DID YOU NOT THERE IS NO PIE!”
“DO NOT THERE IS NO DIE!”
“DO OR DO NOT THERE IS NO TRY!”
Were being yelled over each other.
“What are they doing?” Tim asked looking at the group out in the water.
They were in a circle. Jackson had just given Nolan a high five then they were under again.
“I think they are playing the guess what I said under the water game,” Lucy chuckled.
Tim was about to reply but he was cut off by “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood” being shouted in unison followed by bickering about who said it first.
“I’m going back out to join them. You going to come?” Lucy asked turning her attention from the group back to Tim.
“I don’t need to be a part of that.”
“Come on Tim. You’re hot and dirty.” She still meant it literally. Really. He was covered in soot. Stupid double entendres.
He raised is eyebrows.
“Just get in the water,” Lucy said splashing water at him to vent her frustration with how flustered she was getting.
He wiped the water from his face and a small smile appeared at the corner of his mouth. “Fine.”
Lucy beamed back at him as he stood up and walked back to the shop to discard his remaining clothes then turned her attention back to her friends.
“It’s not Angeles Direct, you’ve already guessed that three times,” Nyla was saying to Jackson
“That’s what it sounds like,” he argued “and it’s definitely closer to that than ‘embroidery period.’”
“That was my first guess. I heard wrong,” Nyla shot back.
“Oh ya cuz ‘and was dressed’ and ‘indoors divest’ were so much closer.”
Any further argument was cut-off by Nolan. “I’ve got it: Angela’s the best,” he said confidently.
“Yes and yes,” Angela confirmed.
“Your turn Nyla.” 
There was a brief silence as they all went back under the water followed by a flurry of screamed “this is stupid.”
“Happy now?” Came a quieter voice beside her and Lucy nearly jumped out of the water. She had been so wrapped up watching her friends she hadn’t even noticed that Tim had made his way back down the beach and was now sitting beside her in the water.
She smiled and nodded. “Aren’t you?”
He gave a non-committal shrug. “We’ll see after I get roped into whatever’s going on out there,” he offered but there was no bite to it. He was even smiling, although mostly with his eyes, as he looked at their friends.
“Well let’s go find out,” Lucy replied as she led the way into the deeper water.
As they approached the group they watched them go up and down and listened to their guesses.
“And further than game”
“Comforters at game”
“Temperatures endgame”
“Stanford is endgame”
“Checkers is a game.” “At least that’s a real sentence”
“Bradford has game?” “That can’t be right he most definitely doesn’t”
Then just as Tim and Lucy joined the group “Chenford is endgame!” Shouted by Angela who upon realizing Tim and Lucy had joined them turned to Jackson.
“This ones not on me it was your sentence.”
Jackson stood stunned for a second looking desperately between Tim, Lucy and Angela then swiftly closed his eyes and yelled “MARCO.”
There was a brief silence then Nolan yelled “POLO” and everyone was swimming away from Jackson at top speed. Everyone except Tim who was giving Lucy a look that said. “See what you got me into? I told you so.” 
But she was busy swimming off with the others, grateful for the distraction. So he rolled his eyes and joined the game. The water did feel amazing although he wasn’t about to admit that to her.
Calls of MARCO POLO and laughter filled the air as everybody took their turn being it: Jackson tagged Nolan who tagged Lucy who tagged Nyla who tagged Jackson who tagged Tim who tagged Nolan who tagged Angela who tagged Jackson who tagged Tim who tagged Lucy. Well he meant to tag Lucy. He reached his arm out and jumped towards her “POLO” but she was closer than he thought and instead of the tips of his finger tagging her shoulder he jumped right into her. He hit her hard and she responded to being knocked off her feet and down into the water instinctively by reaching for the nearest thing to prevent drowning, which happened to be him. So when he opened his eyes her arms were around his neck and her legs around his hips and her face was only about an inch from his own as she coughed up water for the second time that day.
“Are you ok?” He asked moving a piece of hair that had fallen into her face behind her ear.
She nodded but continued to cough as he absentmindedly stroked her back.
 “You caught me by surprise,” she breathed “I didn’t know we were playing full contact Marco Polo.”
He let out a relieved laugh, “I’m sorry.”
“A real Tim Bradford apology I never thought I’d see it in person,” Lucy teased earning an eye roll from Tim. This close Lucy could see all the different shades of blue in his eyes even in the dark. 
“It was an accident.”
“So it wasn’t some sort of Tim Test to see how I would handle a fight in the water?”
“No. You got your last Tim test a year ago when you stopped being my rookie.”
“I can’t believe it’s been a year already,” she said. “Then again we’ve been through enough for an entire career,” she added as her hand reflexively moved from his neck where it was playing with his hair to the tattoo on her her ribs.
That’s when it dawned on her just how close her and Tim were, pressed together without a shred of clothing between them. She had felt so comfortable and content she hadn’t realized the gravity of the situation and what it could lead to. She was about to put some space between them when his hand covered hers over the tattoo marking her supposed day of death. The day he saved her from being buried alive. Although he would say it marked the first day of the rest of her life. The day she saved herself. 
And the desire to move away died in an instant. 
“I kept it,” she said quietly, “because of what you said.” “Because it’s a reminder that I’m a survivor. And that my team will always have my back.”
Tim was looking at her with an expression more open than she’d ever seen. “I have one of those,” he replied softly lifting her hand up and moving it to rest on his lower left abdomen. She was confused at first but as she felt the skin beneath her finger tips she realized it was scarred. The scar from when he was shot on her second day and she pulled him out of the line of gunfire.
She smiled and looked directly into his eyes. 
“It’s a good thing we have each other in our lives,”
“Sure is,”
She was just about to lean in and close the distance between them when a voice interrupted.
“Hey you two. Keep it PG or get a room. This is a family outing.” It was Nyla.
Lucy laughed as she untangled her self from Tim and in that moment she realized two things. 1) this was most definitely her family and 2) she would very happily come back to the beach. Maybe next time she’d just bring Tim, maybe even as her boyfriend.
69 notes · View notes
ibijau · 3 years
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Counterfeit AU pt6 / On AO3
Meng Yao makes himself useful after losing his job, and discovers something unexpected
Names are funny things, Meng Yao thinks as he stares at the sheet of paper in his hand. 
Funny things indeed.
-
After everything that went down in the Hanshi, it's Beastie that saves Meng Yao from himself.
Left to his own devices, he would have either wallowed in misery, or waste time proving to himself that everything that happened wasn't his fault, the way he knows he's done in other lives. But when he comes home after having his past lives thrown into his face and losing a job he loves, Beastie’s mother corners him just as he puts his key into his lock. Her daughter is on school holiday, she explains, and was supposed to be looked after by a friend with children of a similar age. But one of the children came down with something contagious, so the whole plan fell through, and the poor woman now desperately needs help finding someone to look after her daughter.
She’s not asking for Meng Yao to play the babysitter, but he knows so many people, he has so many connections, maybe he could pull a favour somewhere, help her out again.
“I can take care of her for a few days,” Meng Yao offers without thinking. “I’m jobless as of today.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry! What happened?”
“My employer died,” Meng Yao replies, which is close enough to the truth. He doesn’t think Nie Huaisang will continue using his Shanzi alias after this, and they’ll never meet again. He might as well be dead. “I don’t plan on looking for a new job right away, so I can babysit for a while, it’s no big deal.”
She tries to insist that he doesn’t need to be doing that, but quickly agrees after some reassurance that Meng Yao doesn’t mind. She looks so relieved she could cry as she says she’ll drop Beastie in the morning. Meng Yao smiles, certain that his mother would be proud of him for doing what’s right.
Having Beastie around is definitely the best choice he could have made. She’s a good kid, but she’s also high energy and needs to be entertained, which means he doesn’t get to think too much about how much he misses Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen. 
They watch movies together, as they’ve always done when he picked her up after school. They go for walks to a nearby park, and once to a museum to look at old armours and swords. He buys Beastie a fake sword, though they agree to keep it at his place, since her mother already despairs that she so strongly favours boy’s toys. In fact, Meng Yao ends up just spoiling that little girl, the way he would have loved someone to do for him when he was her age. He even has Nie Huaisang’s console repaired so she can play on it, instead of selling it as he’d intended.
The video games are a big hit with her. She’s particularly in love with the same game Nie Huaisang spent too many hours on, that weird little terraforming thing which Meng Yao can’t see the appeal of. He liked that it made Nie Huaisang happy. He likes that it also makes Beastie happy, and that she’s very careful not to ruin the work previously put into it, focused instead on maintaining it and planting flowers
“It looks like home,” she explains when Meng Yao asks about that, and lifts the console for him to see.
It doesn’t look like a homely place, he thinks, and more like a military fortress right out of a wuxia drama. But Meng Yao doesn’t get to make that remark, because his phone vibrates, demanding his attention. Beastie, sitting crossed legs on some cushion on the floor, goes back to watering virtual flowers, while Meng Yao checks some news from his bank account. A lump sum has been sent to him, a good deal more than his usual salary, coming from an account registered under a name he doesn’t recognise.
It has been a week since he was fired.
Nie Huaisang kept his promise.
It really is over.
Not that Meng Yao really doubted it. Nie Huaisang has many faults but indecision has never been one, though he’s always been good at pretending otherwise. Once his choice is made he toys with expectations but rarely ever changes his mind.
Rarely, of course, isn’t never. Meng Yao, foolishly, hoped to be one of those few exceptions. 
Those new zeroes on his bank account feel like a divorce, and he never even got a honeymoon. 
That night, Meng Yao allows himself a few hours to wallow in misery, after Beastie went back to her mother. He is only human, and it does feel good to eat take-away in front of a cheesy romance. The film's hero doesn't get the girl, who was dead all along. Meng Yao cries, even though he's seen that movie before. 
By morning, he's in control again, and takes Beastie to the park so she can run around in the sun, and scare pigeons with her sword.
Those holidays are all great fun, until Beastie’s mother reminds them that she has homework to do.
Beastie is a clever kid, there’s no doubt about it, but she doesn’t much like doing her homework, least of all when she feels she could be playing. It takes all of Meng Yao’s negotiation skills to get her to even look at her school books, and he almost resorts to bribery to make her pick up a pencil. But she works hard once she starts, and Meng Yao, wanting to encourage her, sits with her at the kitchen table to update his resume. Beastie will go back to class soon, and inactivity just isn’t in his temper.
When Beastie is done with her work, she gets permission to put on whatever movie she likes while Meng Yao checks what she’s done in case it needs correcting.
But when he picks up the sheet of simple maths she’s expected to give her teacher on monday, all Meng Yao sees is her name.
It’s really funny. He knows her name of course, though he hasn’t heard it in a while. Even her mother took up to calling her Beastie after he nicknamed her that. It just fits her so well, that active little girl who prefers trousers over dresses because they're easier to move in and always wants to play at fighting. She’s a real little monster, and Meng Yao loves her like that. She’s just Beastie.
But according to the homework she’s spent the afternoon on, she’s also Nie Mingjue.
It could just be a coincidence. Names are funny like that, they pop up in unexpected places, they get forgotten and reused. Perhaps in another life, Meng Yao would have just dismissed it as a random incident.
In another life, he wouldn’t have been called Meng Yao.
It’s the first time this happens since that first life they all shared. He’s Meng Yao again, Lan Xichen bears his old name too, and now he’s found a Nie Mingjue, hiding right under his nose. A Nie Mingjue who likes fighting, and claims that her toy sword is actually a sabre, and who always insists a lot on things being fair, even when Meng Yao tries to give her the biggest share of a food she likes.
It can’t be a coincidence.
Meng Yao needs to tell someone.
He needs to tell Nie Huaisang.
He tries, of course, and without surprise his former employer’s number has been terminated. He has the same luck trying to send an email. Nie Huaisang might as well never have existed. Meng Yao feels helpless, torn between tears and laughter. After spending centuries looking for his brother, Nie Huaisang just might have lost his chance due to being so damn dramatic. Serves him right, Meng Yao thinks, still bitter about being discarded so easily, and never getting a chance to see if things might work better in this life.
Bitterness doesn’t last. Meng Yao cares about Nie Huaisang, more than he should if he were a little smarter, and he knows how important finding his brother again would be for him. And if Nie Huaisang can’t be directly contacted, there’s always indirect ways.
It’s not that Meng Yao misses Lan Xichen, he tells himself that night, when Beastie is back with his mother and he starts writing a long text message on his phone. Well, it’s not just that, anyway. He does miss Lan Xichen, sweet and funny and so eager when talking about art. But more importantly, Lan Xichen probably has access to Lan Wangji, who clearly must know how to contact Nie Huaisang. 
Texting Lan Xichen is a strategic choice. 
The way Meng Yao's heart jumps inside his chest when Lan Xichen immediately replies is… it's strategic too. He's just glad that his plan is working. 
How have you been? :)
I could have been worse. I've just realised something and I think it concerns you. I've told you about that kid I babysit, haven't I? 
Little Beastie? Is she okay? D:
She's Nie Mingjue. 
This time, the answer isn't immediate. Meng Yao stares nervously at his phone, wondering if Lan Xichen thinks he's lying, or planning something. Considering their first life, who could blame him? 
But after a few minutes, his phone vibrates again. 
Sorry, I dropped my phone and couldn't get it back from under the couch. Are you sure?? (⊙ˍ⊙)
It all fits. You could come meet her if you want. But it's him, I'm sure. 
Did you tell Nie Huaisang???
I can't contact him. Are you in touch with Lan Wangji? Maybe he can warn him. 
I have his number, I just texted him! I'll keep you updated! It's so wonderful if it's da-ge!! Can I really meet him? ╰(*°▽°*)╯
Her*?
I'll send you my address. If you can come tomorrow, she'll be there.
Are you sure? I don't think da-ge would still want me around. (≧﹏ ≦)
Meng Yao gives that question the consideration it deserves. It's not an unfair worry to have, and he'd be wondering the same if he hadn't known Beastie for so long. 
I literally killed him, and he killed me. If she had to hate anyone it'd be me, but we get along great. We're no longer the same people we used to be. It's the same for her. 
If you're sure, then I'll come! (❁´w`❁)
-
Meng Yao is very sure indeed. 
So Lan Xichen comes. 
It's odd to invite someone to his flat. It's a small place, a bit messy, full of trinkets and DVDs that Meng Yao would never admit to owning, not with the image he wants to create. He's always avoided guests. But having Lan Xichen over is as rewarding as it is terrifying. Lan Xichen brought some charming little cakes, as if he's visiting someone important, and he smiles at the sight of a movie poster on the wall, confessing he watched it so often as a teenager that the tape broke one day. 
"It's my favourite too!" Beastie exclaims. "Meng-ge has it, you know! Can we watch it now?" 
Normally, Meng Yao would point out that it's a little rude to ask that when they have a guest. But he can see that Lan Xichen is nervous and unsure how to act around Nie Mingjue, and maybe a movie will let them all relax. 
In the end, they spend a pleasant afternoon, the three of them. Once Lan Xichen stops worrying that the Nie Mingjue of old will appear and shout at him for getting him killed, he starts chatting with Beastie about her favourite movies, what she's learning in school, what she wants to be when she grows up. She's very happy to answer, and very impressed when he explains he's a teacher, even though she's finding it hard to accept that most of his students are fully adult.
And when Beastie is back with her mother, Lan Xichen lingers for a while, tempted by the offer of Meng Yao's favourite takeaway.
“It’s amazing how much like him she is,” Lan Xichen says as they sit on the sofa to wait for the food to arrive. “It’s the first time he reincarnates, you know. At least, Wangji told me they’d never found any trace of him before.”
Guilt shoots through Meng Yao. It’s his fault if Nie Mingjue’s soul was so fractured it took him this long to be reborn. Or at least, it’s the fault of someone he was, once, which is nearly the same, and yet completely different. Meng Yao has learned from living and dying several times, and he’s lucky enough to live in a kinder world than Jin Guangyao did. It helps.
“She’s also different from him, though,” Lan Xichen continues, moving just a little closer, until they’re almost touching.
“We’ll, for starters she’s a kid,” Meng Yao points out, wondering if he should take the other man’s hand. If this had happened before the Hanshi, he would have, but he’s not sure where they stand now.
“It’s not just that. In that first life, I knew da-ge as a child too and he was…” Lan Xichen sighs and makes a vague hand gesture. “He was a lot. Way too serious sometimes. We all were, I suppose, but him most of all. The Nie tended to grow fast, to compensate for dying young. I’m… I’m glad that he gets to properly be a child this time. That she gets to be a child.”
“The world has changed,” Meng Yao says, finding the courage at last to brush his fingers against Lan Xichen’s. “Things aren’t always easy but they’re… easier, I suppose.”
Lan Xichen’s returns that touch, gentle and careful as always. This, too, is easier now than it was back then. It’s not easy, but there’s less pressure to conform, less demands to be good dutiful sons, and just a little more space to be their own people, to make their own choices.
Maybe in their next life they’ll meet again and it’ll be even easier to be like this. But even now, Meng Yao is ready to take the chances that his past self wouldn’t have dared to dream of. He leans toward Lan Xichen, hoping to kiss him, but a knock on the door interrupts them and he jumps to his feet to go get their food. The delivery man looks at him a little funny, but makes no comment. If Meng Yao is half as red as Lan Xichen, he deserves those odd looks.
Nothing happens again that night. The moment has passed, and after eating, Lan Xichen has to go home because he has engagements the day after that he can’t cancel.
It's not a date that night, no more than any of their previous encounters were. 
It's not a date then, but next time, when Lan Xichen invites him to a restaurant, Meng Yao is informed in no unclear terms that this is, in fact, a date. They go see a movie after, and Meng Yao gets to kiss one of the two most handsome men in the world.
Life is good. 
Life is really good, and yet Meng Yao wants more. 
In spite of their efforts, Lan Xichen and him can't get in touch with Nie Huaisang to inform him that his brother has finally reincarnated. Even Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian are getting worried. From what they told Lan Xichen they haven't had any contact with him since the day they picked him up at the Hanshi. 
"They say he's done that before," Lan Xichen tells him. "They think he'll return in a decade or two, maybe a little longer. Time is hard for immortals, they lose track easily." 
That's all very well for them, but Meng Yao doesn't have a few decades to waste, and neither does Nie Mingjue. They're not immortals. One bad illness, a reckless driver, just tripping in the stairs, and it's all over until they reincarnate again, and Meng Yao is done with missed chances. 
If he can't directly get in touch with Nie Huaisang, Meng Yao can make a few discreet calls to former buyers, and advise them to get their purchase asserted again, just in case. He makes sure to only contact people who bought legitimate artworks of course. He wants to make a wave, not get in trouble. If Meng Yao knows Nie Huaisang even half as well as he thinks he does, then even in hiding Nie Huaisang will be checking what’s happening in the world of art collectors, and he’ll hear about some of his buyers suddenly becoming fearful of fakes.
It’s a little mean perhaps, when Nie Huaisang is so proud of his counterfeits, but kindness has never been Meng Yao’s greatest quality.
Besides, it works.
One afternoon, when Meng Yao is alone at home, checking a job offer that he’s probably going to reject because he deserves better, there’s a knock on the door. Meng Yao considers ignoring it, but some of his elderly neighbours have been coming to ask for help with their phones or whatever new fancy blender their kids got them to make life easier. Usually, five minutes of easy work means free homemade food for his next meal, which is always a great deal.
When he opens the door, there’s a very old man waiting in the corridor alright, but free food is probably out of the question.
“Well, I’m here,” Nie Huaisang says. “Whatever is going on, it’d better be important.”
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forever-rogue · 4 years
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A Good Man - Part 1
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A/N: So...this turned out to be much more than I intended. It’s not a one off, oh no, could I ever really do that? It’s going to be three parts (and yes, I am committing to three and three only before this gets away from me), and yes I guarantee you there will be smut. You can’t have professor Javi without some smut, after all. Shout out to the amazing and lovely @rosetophighlander​ for listening to my ideas and inspiring me! As always, comments and feedback is welcome, and if you’d like to be tagged let me know! xx
Pairing: Professor! Javi x Reader
Word Count: 4.4k
Warnings: none
A GOOD MAN ‘VERSE MASTERLIST
MASTERLIST
JAVIER MASTERLIST 
»»————- ♡ ————-««
Javier Peña was a good man. At least that’s what he was trying to convince himself. He was a good man with a bad past. A past he had pointedly left behind in Colombia. But even now, years later, memories haunted him at night - it wasn’t a regular occurrence, but it was often enough. Enough to have him startle awake, drenched in sweat as his chest heaved up and down. Enough to make him feel like a bad man again.
But that wasn’t him anymore - no. He was a bad man then and he was trying to rectify that now by being a good man. He was a good man, and what was in the past was in the past. It didn’t matter it anymore; he had to bury it and let it die. But every time he thought he had, he still found himself plagued by the memories. Shit. 
He’d returned to Texas when everything was said and done, and taken up a post as a university teacher. It was boring; drool, but most importantly, it was a safe bet. A college professor, who would have thought? If you would have told him this a few years ago while he was in the midst of the drug war trying to bring down both Pablo Escobar and the Cali Cartel, he would have laughed in your face and told you to fuck off. But that was then, and this was now, a very different reality with a very different version of him. Well...no. Javi was still Javi underneath it all, the same man he had always been, he was just trying to be the best man he could be. Trying to make right what in his head claimed made him so bad. 
He was regimented now, almost to a fault, keeping up a routine that claimed most of his mind that wouldn’t let his mind wander too far off track. Gods, he needed a therapist. He knew he did; it was forever on his to do list. Forever the one thing he would get to eventually because it wasn’t pressing enough. Forever the thing he would do when he had more time. Instead he found solace, a small sense of reprieve in his small four-legged friend. 
He was a small, wiry thing with ears that always seemed perked up, colored like sweet milk and honey, affectionately named Stevie, much to Steve Murphy’s chagrin. He served as a good distraction and pseudo-therapist for all that seemed to bother the ex-DEA agent. Sometimes Javi felt bad about how he confided in his little friend but Stevie loved him back all the same, showering him in affection whenever he could.
His routine was the same almost every day, allowing for some variance on weekends. It was strict, almost authoritarian but he had come to have a certain reverence for it. Up at six, out for a jog or walk with Stevie, breakfast for the two of them followed by a shower, at work by 9, a morning class full of mainly bright eyed freshman, followed by office hours where he would check on the dog and then return to eat his lunch by himself, almost always a sandwich, coffee, and some sort of berry, two afternoon classes of disinterested juniors, seniors, and those who seemed to never leave college, followed by a few hours of paperwork and grading before arriving home between six and seven, followed by a simple dinner for himself Stevie. To pass the time he’d read or watch a movie or show, but it was almost always lights out by ten. Sometimes he’d fall asleep quickly, other times it would take him hours. Hours of his brain buzzing with repressed thoughts and emotions that he put off until he fell asleep and repeated his routine the next day.
Weekends allowed for some flexibility instead of the monotonous rigidity. He let himself sleep in longer, go for a long walk with Stevie and have a leisurely lunch, and laze about the house. Sometimes he’d meet up with a friend, usually a coworker from another department and have a drink or two, nothing too excess, before turning in well before midnight. On the rare occasion where he felt restless enough and couldn’t be alone with his own thoughts, he’d go and take himself to a movie, a play, a museum, something that would keep his mind occupied. But by Monday morning he was back to routine. Back to that rigid pattern that kept him on track.
And it had been enough. It had to be enough...right?
»»————- ♡ ————-««
Teaching at his alma mater of Texas A&M in the sleepy town of Kingsville had proven to be both a curse and a blessing. When he’d left the DEA, unsure of what to do, what do he really wanted to do with his life now, he had turned his attention back home. One thing had let to another and, surely with some help from his former cohorts at the DEA, he’d lined himself up a fairly easy teaching gig. It wasn’t anything he had ever really given much thought to, but just like his routine, it had become familiar, mind numbing, and easy. It didn’t take much before it had become part of his regimented life. 
He enjoyed the almost anonymity of it all; no one really knew who he was, the things, both horrible and great, that he had done, no one knew his previous reputation, no one judged him before they had the chance to meet him. He was, first and foremost, Professor Peña. The students came and went; no one questioned who he was truly was and he never offered. As far as his students were concerned, he offered them the tiniest shred, if any at all, of his personal life. It had it easy - simple - to keep things strictly business. 
There had been a few times, a few moments when his heart had almost stopped, that a student would stop by his desk after he’d dismissed everyone and ask him his past. It hadn’t been more than maybe four or five in total, but it had still brought a grimace to his face each time. But instead of completely dismissing anyone, he’d politely decline to answer anything beside easy questions, the kind that were of public knowledge. 
Otherwise he insisted that if they ever have any questions related to the course, exams, or homework, they were welcome to come to see him during his office hours. He had a presence about him, not intimidating per se, but firm and strong that usually deterred people from questioning him any further. They almost never came to his office hours; pretty much no one did. Which was completely fine by him because it always gave him a chance to stay on top of the mountains of paperwork the university imposed on everyone.
Much to his chagrin, however, this year the school’s newspaper had decided to start a professor spotlight column in their monthly magazine. Something about connecting students and professors and creating more of a sense of community. A load of bullshit, was what he thought, but he didn’t push the envelope. He wasn’t trying to ruffle any feathers, to step on anyone’s toes; no, he aimed to blend in. But something about having been the man to help bring down Pablo Escobar and the Cali Cartel made him a subject of interest; naturally it was only a matter of time before eager, hungry eyes were turned to him. 
But Javi knew he couldn’t really decline, it would have been against decorum and he wanted no eyebrows raised in his direction. So, he answered the curious student reporter’s questions with basic answers, just enough to give a taste and satiate them, but not enough to have to dig deep. He let them take his picture, let them publish it in their magazine, hoping that not many students would actually read the column, and just gloss over it. He wasn’t sure if he could handle tons of students only signing up for his class for him. He had not plans on indulging them any further into personal life.
But his routine, regimented schedule was all fine and dandy, and surely he thought they would be enough. They had to be enough, right? That’s what he thought. Surely the monotony of teaching countless students would be enough; that’s what he had come to believe anyway. It had worked out for the two prior years, surely it should have been the same going into his third year there.
Until the day you stepped into his classroom on that first day of that brand new semester and school year. You weren’t like the others...you looked excited, alert, like you actually wanted to be there. Like you wanted to listen to him teach. Like you cared. The swarm of students surrounding you barely looked alive, but you did. There was a certain magnetic charm that you possessed that happened to draw in everyone around you, including the man at the front of the room. The man that was determined to adhere to the strict routine that he had concocted for himself; the man that vowed he not stray from his class structure. The man that so desperately just wanted to be a good man. 
He hadn’t noticed you at first, keeping his gaze focused on the papers and stacks on his desk, picking up the roll call sheets and running through them with a sense of disinterest. Name after name of students that probably just took the class because they needed some sort of credit. They responded in voices that were barely audible, tones that strongly suggested that they did not care whether he made a note of them being in attendance. 
But when he got to your name, calling it out softly, and he heard you confidently and happily respond with a loud here, his deep brown eyes almost jumped out of his sockets. He paused and looked up, taking a moment to push his thick, dark rimmed glasses up his noise, before searching for you in a sea of students. But he knew he had found you when he spied the beautiful face beaming back at him. You offered him the biggest smile he had ever seen within the confines of the small lecture hall.
He was momentarily phased, but the corners of his mouth lifted up slightly as he returned your brilliant smile with the best he could muster up. But before he could get too caught up in anything, even a singular thought that roamed freely, someone loudly coughed and snapped him out of his trance. Quickly switching back to his professor mode, he looked back at the roster and called out the rest of the names, tic marks and blanks boxes galore down the long sheet. 
Like his life, his class structure was regimented, and while he thoroughly enjoyed history, he found it difficult, tedious even, to drone on about pre-revolutionary war America for hours. Sometimes it was enough to make his eyes almost glaze over; while it annoyed him that it got to his students as well, he couldn’t always blame them. But there was something about today, the way that you had smiled at him, that sent a spark off deep within him, and something just snapped. He found himself moving more about the lectern, his hands waving more animatedly as he gave his introductory lecture, and most importantly of all, he found himself stealing glances at you. And you met his glances, almost in a challenging way, never looking away when his gaze lingered a few seconds longer than necessary. 
But, like everyone else, you were eager to pack up your bag and leave when he was finished and excused everyone. You glanced at him a few times as you slid your notebooks and textbook back into your satchel, wondering if you should introduce yourself, or hell, if he really even cared. But instead of acting on any impulses and potentially making a fool out of yourself, you hitched the bag further up your shoulder and left along with the rest of the crowd, letting them swallow you up and allowing you to blend in. It was the end of the day, everyone was eager to get home, especially after the first day of the new semester. Javier was too; first days were always tiring just alone with administrative tasks and getting to know hundreds of new names and faces. But none of them mattered, not really, they were just more students in an endless sea that he would teach and then forget about as soon as finals were graded and returned. 
But somehow...you stuck in his mind. Your face, your curious eyes and soft little smile were already burned into his mind. He found himself musing on it, on how intently you had scribbled down notes, even if he didn’t feel like there was anything to memorize, how your leg bounced up and down the few times your mind seemed to wander as you had glanced around the room, taking in the other students. A low sigh escaped his lips as he slid his paperwork, texts, and other items into his book bag before throwing it over his shoulder. He wasn’t going to let his mind get hung up on you, or anyone or anything else for that matter. 
Sure, you were pretty, very pretty, but so were plenty of other students. He wasn’t going to lie to him; he could admit, at least to himself, when he found a student attractive. Sure, you had a smile that had spoken to something within him, but  -no. You were one student in a sea of hundreds the had for the semester. You would forget him as soon as you turned in your final and went on winter break. He was sure of it. Javier Peña was trying to be a good man, and letting his thoughts go wild about a student was definitely not part of that plan.
When he got home that evening, he walked in the door and left his bag on the small dresser he kept in the hallway, followed by his keys and shoes before eagerly greeting Stevie. He’d stopped by between classes to take check on him, always making sure he had plenty of food, water, and pets before he had to go back. He glanced around the small kitchen, already pondering what he would make for dinner, knowing he was stocked up on everything he would need for the week. In his retirement from the DEA he had become a meticulous planner, something that easily kept his mind busy, and Sundays had become his grocery shopping days were he loaded up on necessities for the week. It was robotic and allowed for little free thought; routine, routine, routine. 
But before he could flick on the soft kitchen light, his hand lingered on the switch, fingers drumming lightly against the plastic plate while he contemplated his next move. Instead of flipping it on,  he dropped his hand and grabbed Stevie’s leash off of the counter-top, dropping to his knees as the small dog wagged his tail in sheer excitement at the prospect of a walk. He gave him a few pets as he clipped the lease on, making sure his large ears received a good scratch.
“What do you say you and I go and pick up some pizza, huh? We’ll even get some beer. Call it a guys’ night,” Stevie made a small sound of excitement, clearly acquiescing to Javier’s plan. He stood back up to his full height, his joints crackling lightly as he grabbed his thin windbreaker, wallet, and keys, slipped his shoes back on and walked out the door, his mind already on the pizza place a few blocks away. It wasn’t even anything he really gave too much thought to, it was most certainly not part of his plan. No, this was all new - a break.
It was the first Javier Pena had strayed from his evening routine in almost three years. 
»»————- ♡ ————-««
As soon as you stepped through the door of your apartment you let out a long sigh as you tossed your book bag onto the floor and stumbled into the living room, flopping face down on the well worn couch. Sarah, your closest confidant and roommate throughout your college experience, looked up from her book and with a small smirk on her face. She’s gotten out of her classes and finished for the day hours ago. 
“First day was that good, huh?” she pushed her glasses further up the bridge of her nose, as you turned your head to glare at her. She was in her last year of school too but had been smart, so you’d come to realize, and taken more classes than she needed in earlier years so her last year would be a breeze. You envied her and wished you’d done the same; now you were stuck with classes that were long, tedious, and required more thinking than you would have liked. 
“I don’t know how I’m going to survive this semester,” you admitted with a heavy sigh; you had no one to blame but yourself. It still didn’t make your little pity party any better, “today’s classes were...boring at best, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a teacher that cared less than my last one. The topic’s already not my favorite, clearly not his, and I have no clue how I’m going to survive the semester, and this stupid class was the only one open that satisfied one of my last requirements. I’m trying to be excited, you know, to trick myself into liking it, but I dunno if that’s gonna work out.”
“If it all goes to hell, there’s always next semester,” she offered with a shrug before closing her book and tossing it on the coffee table, “what class it is?”
“Pre-revolutionary war American history,” you groaned as she gave you a pained look. Nothing about any of the words that spilled forth from your mouth sounded even remotely exciting, “aka hell. Whoever decided that there should be a whole dedicated college course to this subject clearly wasn’t in their right mind.”
“Hey,” she said suddenly, slipping out of the arm chair and trekking into the small kitchen, before rustling through a static of old mail. She was silent for a few moments before letting out a small aha and grabbing something out before tossing it at you, “I thought that class sounded familiar. Isn’t the guy teaching it the one that in the teacher highlight thing for this month or whatever?”
“You actually think I read this?” you scoffed and took the small magazine, shifting through the pages as you tried to find what she was referring to you. You made it almost to the end before finding the small article hidden and tucked away at the back. Quickly skimming it, you found your professor’s small, grainy, black and white picture staring back at you, “Javier Peña. Yup, that’s him.”
“He’s hot,” Sarah quipped over your shoulder as you silently rolled your eyes at her. That was most definitely not why you had signed up for the class. While you weren’t about to admit you mirrored her thought, you couldn’t help but think she was right. There was something about the small photo looking back up at you that suggested he was...very attractive. Hell, you’d seen him in person, and could confirm. The few times you’d gotten a good look at his face, when he wasn’t bent over his notes or facing the board, you couldn’t deny that he was attractive. Tan, golden skin, thick dark hair and eyes, a handsome face. Yeah, he was hot, but you weren’t about to dwell on that, “do you think he’s single?”
“Sarah,” you groaned at her as you read over the article, surprised to find that was ex-DEA, having apprehended some of the most notorious criminals in recent history. He had seemed anything like the man they had discussed in the article when he had stood in front of the class earlier that afternoon, “that is not...no, that has nothing to do with anything. I just need to satisfy a few more credits in history and I’m done. That’s it; nothing more.”
“I’m just saying,” she shrugged before giving your shoulder a playful nudge, “a little eye candy doesn’t hurt. Especially when you’re taking a class like that. Good lord it sounds awful, I wonder how he got stuck teaching that. Was he as good looking in person?”
“Sar-ah,” you said with her namely slowly as you shook your head at her and sat up. She picked her book back up, a small playing across her features, “none of that matters. But, if you have to know, yes. He was very good looking, in that older guy kind of way.”
“Go on...” she feigned innocence but you could already see the gears turning in her head.
“There’s not much less to say,” you insisted, internally groaning, “wore glasses when he was teaching, white button up, I dunno, the average professor look.”
A damned white button up that had fit him perfectly, highlighting his broad chest, trousers that were slightly tighter than they needed to be, and a silver watch had sat on his wrist. Simple, effective, but yeah, a very good look.
“The average hot professor look, “ she sighed wistfully. The two of you, while best friends at heart, were polar opposites in many ways. While you namely cared about classes and just getting it done, she was more prone to getting lost in her daydream fantasies and pursuing matters of the heart, “I’m just saying! There’s nothing wrong with finding your professor good looking, as long as you’re respectful. Besides, he doesn’t need to know if you think about him at night or when you’re with a boy that you wish was a man like him. Besides, Javier Peña. Professor Peña. That even sounds hot.”
“Why are we friends?” you sighed as you rolled off the couch, a tone of amusement coloring your voice, “why are you the way that you are!?”
“You love me!” she called out after you as you made your way to your bedroom, deciding to get a head start on some work so you wouldn’t already fall behind.
“I’m questioning that,” you stuck your tongue out at her as you grabbed the magazine off the floor and took it along with you. You hoped she wouldn’t notice, but you were sure that her eagle eyed gaze wouldn’t miss a thing, “goodbye and good riddance!’
“Have fun staring at Professor Peña!” your cheeks felt warm and you were sure a deep crimson was already creeping into them. You remained silent as you grabbed your book bag and walked into the room, letting the door slam behind you.
Setting the bag onto your desk, you flopped on your bed as you reopened the magazine and looked back at the small picture again, re-reading the article. It didn’t say much about much him, or speak to who he really was. it was strictly related to business, just like he had seemed to be as he stood in front of the class and gave an almost two hour long lecture with no breaks. He didn’t seem much like a man that was running around and taking down criminals in the heat of Colombia. He had just seemed like a tired, worn out, disinterested man. A far cry from what was presented in the short little article.
And yet...you couldn’t help but think of the few times he met your eyes when he’d occasionally looked up from the board or his lecture notes. You swore there had been a smile on his face then, even if it was a small one, but then again, maybe you had been lost in your own delusions as you had watched him. 
You’d even done your best to actively pay attention and take notes, both wanting him to know that you cared about class and because you knew it would be your downfall if you allowed yourself to miss anything. Even if it wasn’t your cup of tea, you wanted to give him your attention; it wasn’t his fault that it was a tiresome subject - someone had to each it after all. You’d felt bad as you looked at everyone around, all so zombie like and disinterested, looking like they would rather have been anywhere else in the world. You were sure he had noticed it too. 
But you’d already decided to make an effort to actively participate in his class and do your best. You’d quickly scribbled down his office hours and told yourself that if you needed help or had questions you’d ask before you’d let yourself fall behind and struggle. Maybe he didn’t care, he didn’t really seem to, but you did. You somehow felt a need to prove to yourself that you could handle this class, and to prove to him that someone cared, that his efforts were worth it. 
As you dogeared the page with his article on it, you closed the magazine and chucked it into your desk. You didn’t know what his deal was, or wasn’t, but you figured you’d be able to something out of him. Maybe learn more about the man from Colombia, and not just the professor that seemed so lost and wrapped up in his own head.
He had seemed so tired, so...run down that for someone reason it seemed to oddly affect you. Maybe it was because you had seen a glimmer of a smile on his face, watching as his dark eyes had crinkled up the few times he caught your gaze, how it almost reached them fully. Maybe there was more to him, maybe there was more to him than he had wanted to give out. But you were determined to find out what it was. 
You were set that you would try and pull something out of Javier Peña, even if it was just a full smile. Something about him spoke to you, something had drawn you to something, causing an itch that you desperately needed to to scratch. And you sure as hell would.
»»————- ♡ ————-««
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setterspirit · 4 years
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play date with raden
tw; some more serious topics; mentions of drinking, teen pregnancy, etc.
❥ ‑‑‑‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑
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“unless raden and you want to go to the park, that was the plan, yes,” you reply, nodding slowly and eyeing your son who seemed unfazed by your look of... disgust.
“unless raden and you want to go to the park, that was the plan, yes,” you reply, nodding slowly and eyeing your son who seemed unfazed by your look of... disgust.
“unless raden and you want to go to the park, that was the plan, yes,” you reply, nodding slowly and eyeing your son who seemed unfazed by your look of... disgust.
“unless raden and you want to go to the park, that was the plan, yes,” you reply, nodding slowly and eyeing your son who seemed unfazed by your look of... disgust.
“unless raden and you want to go to the park, that was the plan, yes,” you reply, nodding slowly and eyeing your son who seemed unfazed by your look of... disgust.
“then i can wear these!” eito declared, punching his fist in the air in triumph, heading over to his legos.
“no, absolutely not,” you insist, shaking your head vigorously and shooing your son back into his room, this time following him to pick out the outfit he would wear today.
“but mama, i want to wear these,” the five year old pouts, a frown on his face as he looks anywhere but at you.
“and i’m saying you cannot,” you reply firmly, placing the clothes you’d picked out on his bed. “i’m amending the rule i made concerning those-” you gesture to the pants he’s wearing, unsure what to even call them. “monstrosities,” you settle on. “you can wear those only around the house if it’s just the two of us.”
“what if uncle kei, uncle kenji, uncle kanji, uncle taka, uncle ken, or auntie mai are here?” the young boy questions, knowing he doesn’t have to look so nice with them.
at “uncle ken” you freeze, eyeing your son curiously. kentarō had only recently allowed for eito to call him uncle, and you still weren’t used to it. he had been so uncaring in the past, often shaking you off or ignoring you whenever you would invite him to join you and the rest of the group in an outing or dinner with eito. but recently, he’d been more willing to go, and at first it had thrown you off, but you eventually got used to it, often enjoying his company when he would join your group.
“yeah, those are the only exemptions,” you finally answered with a tight lipped smile. “now please be a good boy and change before raden gets here,” you finished, turning around and walking out of eito’s room, closing your eyes in exasperation once you’d reached the livingroom. god, sometimes being a mother was difficult, but you honestly wouldn’t change it for anything.
before you can get too lost in your thoughts, a knock at the door sounded, signaling that raden and his parents had arrived. eito, having changed into the clothes you’d picked out for him, raced to the door, excitedly pulling the door open to reveal the smiling face of his best friend and his slightly tired looking mother.
smiling at the woman as she watched her son race away to start playing with the legos eito had abandoned earlier, you offered to let her in, smiling and leading her to the dining room when she accepted your offer.
you were so thankful to the nishimura family, who’d been skeptical about leaving their child alone with you at first, but had soon warmed up to you when they realized just how much you loved and cared for eito. you didn’t blame them for having their skepticisms, it was only natural the family get to know you better before they leave their child in your care. you were, after all, only 20 when you’d first met them. leaving two toddlers with a 20 year old single mother was nerve wracking to any parent, young or old. so they hung out with you, invited you over to have dinner with them, observed how you interacted with their son and your own. for a 20 year old, you were quite mature, probably due to the fact you were raising eito alone.
“so, how have you been, l/n-san?” she questioned, fully turning her attention towards you.
“i’ve been good! i recently reconnected with an old friend, so that’s been keeping me in a happy mood,” you replied with a bright smile. the woman across from you observed your shift in features, from your usual soft smile to a bright, genuinely beaming smile.
“really? who is this ‘old friend?’” the woman questioned, interested to know what kind of person could make your mood shift so much.
“suna rintarō,” you replied excitedly, watching as nishimura’s eyes widened upon the realization of who you were talking about.
“hold on, suna rintarō, as in ejp raijin’s middle blocker suna rintarō?” she questioned in disbelief, with you nodding your head excitedly in response.
“yeah, we used to live next to each other and we went to the same elementary school before i left japan,” you responded, nishimura’s full attention now on you. “i don’t know how he found me, but he did, and we’ve been catching up since that big msby vs adlers game.”
“how do you mean, big?” the woman questioned, eyebrow raised questioningly.
“oh, you didn’t know? that game was like a huge one for old rivals,” you replied. she knew you knew a few famous volleyball players, she did follow your twitter, after all, but she didn’t know that you pretty much knew all the big names in the volleyball world now. “kageyama, ushijima, and hoshiumi used to be rivals, not just with each other, but also with four of the starters on the jackals team, too. sakusa, bokuto, miya atsumu, and hinata. that game was hinata’s welcome back to japan, in a way, and he was playing against his high school setter, kageyama tobio.”
nishimura nodded, intrigued. “and you know them all because?” she wasn’t trying to say you were lying, she would never call you a liar, she was simply curious to know how you knew all of this.
“i was a manager for date tech,” you replied with a small laugh. “and my cousin plays on the sendai team, the frogs, and he played on the same high school team as kageyama and hinata.” let’s just chalk it up to the fact you had a lot of connections to professional volleyball players.
you continued to talk a bit, pausing to watch your sons before nishimura received a text from her husband, asking where she was. it was nearing noon when she finally had to leave, so you bid her goodbye before preparing lunch for yourself, eito, and raden — mac & cheese because what 5 year old didn’t love mac & cheese?
the rest of the day passed rather uneventfully, eito and raden continuing to play with the legos tsukishima had bought eito, with you going around the house tidying things up or cleaning little messes you found they’d made. often times, you’d find yourself texting suna, too, catching up with him during his breaks between practices.
by the time dinner came around, raden had been picked up and taken home, the boys promising they’d see each other again at school. once he’d gone, you had eito clean up his toys that he and raden had missed, helping your son out so you guys could hurry over to mai’s for a dinner and game night with the boys.
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TALK ABOUT SURPRISES
[ masterlist | eight | nine | ten ]
word count; 1.5k+
fast facts;
fact #1; there’s a HUGE difference between the way y/n acted in elementary school vs how she acted in high school. she was always the more timid between her and suna, so hearing her say she would willingly go to parties threw suna for a loop.
fact #2; futakuchi was a semi-bad influence in high school, but he mellowed out more in third year because of his newfound title as the vbc captain. that didn’t stop y/n from partying, though, as she sometimes needed to blow off steam and parties were the easiest way.
fact #3; y/n has only had one relationship, the one person being eito’s sperm donor. he walked out on the relationship when y/n told him she was pregnant, so now she’s worried about getting back into a relationship, especially because now she also has to think about eito’s feelings.
fact #4; the nishimura’s have been a huge help to y/n as she raised eito. they’ve given her helpful tips and watched after eito when she needed a babysitter and aiko was busy.
✨) summary; l/n y/n is a single mother living with her 5 year old son in sendai. suna rintarō is a professional volleyball player, the middle blocker for the ejp raijin. the msby black jackals vs the schweiden adlers is a game between two of japan’s v league division 1 teams that bring together many old rivals. y/n is dragged to the game by her cousin, tsukishima kei, claiming she needed to get out and do more than just work and take care of her child. reluctantly, she goes along with the usually salty blond — leaving her 5 year old with a babysitter — to watch the game between two of tsukishima’s ex-teammates. suna makes the executive decision that he will be going to the game to support his former teammate and setter, miya atsumu, with komori asking if he could accompany the middle blocker so he could support his cousin, suna readily agrees and they also invite washio to go with them, knowing he’d want to see bokuto as well. a chance encounter at the game of old reunions brings together two old friends and feelings start to re-emerge. follow y/n and suna as they get to know each other again, fend off any unwanted attention, and work through parenthood in “talk about surprises!”
a/n; some suna x y/n content in the beginning, mama y/n and eito content at the end. i’m really sorry if you want more suna content! i just wanted to show y/n and how she is as a mother. next few chapters should be a rollercoaster, you’ll see. 👀 see ya in the next update, loves! 🤍✨
updates every monday!
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check the masterlist to see how you may be added to the taglist. <3
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btswishes · 4 years
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Love me for who I am now
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Bucky x Reader ( Chapter 1 )
Part1 / Next 
Summary: You apply for the Stark internship and end up getting it, so now you have 5 months to make a good impression to continue working with the Avengers.
A/N: This is my first Marvel fic and I am taking it as a challenge. It is opposite of what my account was made, but here I go. Sorry for any mistakes made, hope you enjoy it even a tiny bit.
Word count:  3,281
Warmings: fights, harsh language, not part of the original MCU 
Y/N- Your name Y/L/N:  Your Last Name
                                   --------------------------------------
  Through sleepless nights and dark circles, books and pens, through months of work you reached your goal. The moment you received the acceptance letter from Stark University you almost flew out the window without a fear in your mind. This was it!
  Time had passed since that moment, but it is still engraved in your mind- a memory keeping you strong during the hard midterms and piles of work, even the small glimmers of regret. Trying your best wasn’t an option, you could do only that and no less. It was no easy task, lost social life as much as you tried to keep it. You were really lucky you had good friends that understood and supported you. University wasn’t easy for anyone making this one even tougher. People of all ages, backgrounds and cultures were piled up with you in this building. The best of the best as the slogan said, the ones that proved themselves and emerged victorious.
  When you were young ,you used to spend a lot of time with your uncle at his places outside the country. He would introduce you to his work colleagues and things you had never seen before. There was a time where you would spend months on end with him. Not many memories were left from those moments in your head. At one point you spend a few years with him, your mother thought it would be good experience for you and it turned out to be nothing but the truth-at least you hoped so. You learned a lot from him and his friends, it felt like each spend day would offer you more knowledge in areas you never knew of. Computer work, ways of thinking and so much more that had become second nature to you.
  The sky was tinted in a wash of oranges, reds and yellows bleeding one into the other, swirling around the sun emitting them. The day was ending, but you found yourself filling up an application in the library, covered by the silence and smell of exam worry.
  Sponsored and founded by the one and only Tony Stark, this establishment offered an internship. Being part of the Avengers, Tony didn’t let just anyone from the students attending in, even if they were the best labeled by the school. It had been a year and a half since you started pushing yourself harder to be able to apply and there was nothing that could stop you. Pressing your finger over the enter button was very nerve wrecking yet simple. Even if it didn’t work out this year, you planned to do it again and again ,till he had no other choice but give you a chance.
  Usually F.R.I.D.A.Y. went over everything and left only the applications worth going over by Tony himself or Pepper. The next 5 weeks for you were very stressful, but there was nothing more you could do but wait and focus on your own work. The first person you wanted to tell about this was your uncle. He went to work in some distant place where they had no internet so you switched to mail. Not as much paper under his name passed through your hands, as he had stopped answering you. You missed him, but the muddy childhood memories kind of compensated for that.
“Did you send it in?” the phone muffled a bit the sweet voice coming from the speaker 
“Yeah, a few days ago actually.” You answered with a gentle sigh
“And no answer yet?” the girl’s pitch rose at the end of the sentence, amazed at that what she just heard
“I know, I know. Think about it though Nea. Who knows how many applications get submitted. Someone has to brush through them after all.” defending the situation was a form of coping for you, made you feel hopeful.
“So you are trying to tell me Tony Stark’s interface or whatever it’s called, can’t sort them out in a couple of hours? Come on Y/N! You and I both know you are trying to make yourself feel better.” The small pause made you anxious over what Nea said “Listen.” A breathy start of the sentence “ I don’t mean to brag, but I think I am one of the people who know exactly how much you deserve this. You were never the studious type, plus that you were gone for years on end with that mysterious uncle of yours. I never expected you to suddenly go for Stark University. Your dream changed you, from this quiet kid to crazy ol’ you right now on the call with me.I ain’t letting you bust yourself up over this just because it didn’t happen the first time around-”
                Ding ding
  Nea’s deep speech was cut off before she could unleash herself completely, by the slight ring of your phone’s notification.
“Who tf has the audacity to text while the great me is giving this legendary –“
                Ding!
  The second time the sound sung out made her choke up with anger, you could almost see the fumes coming out of the phone.
“WHO IS IT!” a loud hiss pierced your ear
“Maybe if you gave me a minute I could answer your question.” Pulling the call down, your finger ran over the screen to the email, making your notification lamp blink like a car. Almost instantly it opened before your eyes and you gasped. The action made you swallow suddenly and cough out a bit ,giving poor Nea an idea about the level of shock you were in.
“What?What? You can’t just almost die and not tell me what is going on.” She proceeded with a not so tasteful interrogation.
“I-…they accepted my application…” at the end a small smile flowed over your lips contorting the sound coming out
“Stop!?” she choked up as well “You gotta be fucking with me!? No fucking way this is real!”
“I am honest. It says here that they liked my skill set, my grades and the way of thinking I presented in my essay. I got the spot Nea! I fucking did it!” you threw the phone on the bed letting it bounce as you started dancing.
“Of course you did! I told you! You will be working with THE AVENGERSSSS!” at some point it sounded like your best friend was more excited than you “When do you start?”
“Well…” taking a second to calm down and re-establish contact with your phone, you looked up the schedule that came attached with the email “…ok…so it says here that I will be starting on Monday so~ in 2 days? “
“So soon! Any requirements for the job miss Avenger’s sidekick?” and the teasing begins
“A list, surprisingly.” Rolling onto your back, you held the screen away and above your face, scrolling past “ I guess my first job will be with Dr. Banner in the lab. Apparently I will be given some sort of assignments throughout the 5 months work span. I will be monitored by Dr. Bruce Banner and the grading, I guess if you can call It that ,will be done by Tony Stark himself.”
“Basically Hulk will be your babysitter.” once this girl starts teasing she never stops even in amazing situations such as this one, good thing you loved her “That sounds so cool though! You will be able to meet Captain America and Black Widow~! I am so jelly of you I swear! When you leave work make sure to wait for someone from the group to walk by, omgggg I am fangirling so much right now.What if you go to dinners with them!?AAAAA!”
“Fun thing about that.” Your eyes landed on the last paragraph of the email “It says here that I am supposed to move into the compound and stay there till further notice. The whole idea is that if I do things well I will get a permanent job. Weird…” you hummed
“Weird !? How? That is so cool! Who knows you might even become an Avenger! You will be living with them anyways.” at this point Nea was either not breathing or hyperventilating so fast you couldn’t hear it
“Don’t be ridiculous.” your attention landed once more on the thought process you had a moment ago “I don’t get one thing. They say here that my PE grades combined with my IT and overall studies make me a great candidate, but I don’t remember sports being a requirement at all, or even providing them in the first place. Does it mean that if my grades were low in that department I wouldn’t have gotten the spot?”
“I guess people of science aren’t that flexible. Who cares anyways! You got in, no ifs and buts. I am telling you, at this point you could be an Avenger.” poor girl began thinking of names and suit designs for you “ Hurry up and pack those bags before I drop by with take away, so we can gossip over Steve Rogers’s abs.”
“Um…don’t get me wrong he is super hot, I just see the Cap more like an older brother figure than anything.” It was true, you looked up to him since the first time you studied about the Civil War. Fearless, gave his life in a way for his people, astonishing man over all.
“Hey! Let me drool over him! You were always more of a Winter Soldier fan anyways.” Nea pouted audibly . Her words made some lone memory pop up in your head, but it was as murky as the rest. “I don’t know why I am interested in him. Somehow his look is very nostalgic and rugged. Anyways. ”you shook your head out of the mental image of the soldier “I will go pack up, tell my parents and fix up all my documents. Probably find some stuff from former Stark employees online. I want to have a bit of an idea of what he expects and what I am getting myself into.”
“Fine fine, you could have just said you like troubled guys. You were the one who was happy Loki got a second chance after all. I will be over in like 3 hours.” She informed you
“Hey! He deserved to redeem himself, he was used!” a firm Loki supporter as always “Ok then, see ya.”
   Hanging up the call you placed your phone to charge and rolled off your bed. The email gave vague information about what you needed, but clothing wise you would still be able to come home and get stuff if you had to. What was on top of your priorities were papers, documents, all your research materials and tech. Those things had to be organized no matter what ,since they got you this far in the first place.
  Nae came over as planned and you two had a nice sleepover talking about you know who. The night came and left, letting the morning find you in your bed at 11am. Your forearm rested on top of your forehead in a relaxed manner, letting enough space for an exhale to linger in the air in front of you. Your mind was going over everything that was about to happen to you. It was one of your dreams, you worked for it nonstop day in day out, so why were you so worried about meeting the rest of the Avengers? Maybe it was just anxiety or fear of the unknown, yeah made sense.
  All you did during the day was make lists for every piece of tech you were binging with yourself. Things seemed to be in order, but worry kept nibbling on your bones. The moment of truth finally rolled up and so did your suitcase in front of your house. Nea came to send you off as she promised.
“Sweetie, make sure to call us every day. Eat well, don’t overwork yourself and-“ your mom went off with caution about anything and everything that came to mind
“Mom, you know I am going 3 blocks down from here right? Plus I can come home at any time I want to. I am not moving to Mars or getting arrested.” You smirked the panic away from her, giving them a big hug.
“Call me or text me when you get there.” Nea pulled you in, whispering in your ear as quietly as possible “And don’t forget to sneak me a booty pick of good ol’Cap. You know what they say-”
“That is America’s ass.” Your voice came out in a mocking tone
“That i-…let me at least finish it by myself! Geez!” she pushed you towards the door “Ok ok, go now before you spoil me something else” her arms crossed in front of her chest
  The walk wasn’t that long, you were too invested in your own thoughts to notice when the time and distance had passed. The glistening windows of the compound building shined into your eyes. Your lungs filled up with a breath that they kept in for a moment, before releasing it back in the outside world. Pulling out the documents you stepped in. The fresh smelling air hit you making you close one eye for a second.
People were walking around you fast and concentrated. Some looked in a hurry, others were on break with a cup of coffee and a strain-leaving expression.
 Your feet, as slightly shaky as they were, took you right up to the front desk were a lady with a dark rich red colored uniform looked at you. She flashed a professional smile, her eyes asking for your purpose.
“Um, hello. My name is Y/N -Y/L/N.” she saw the logo on your papers and gasped
“You must be the new intern Mr. Stark told us about.” She signed something and reached out “Can you give me your hand for a second.” Your fingers didn’t go past the surface of the desk when she pocked your skin. Pulling in your extremity, your palm wrapped around the spot that began to sting a bit “Don’t worry about it. This is your identification pass. Fancy, no?” she smiled winking. Her body stood up as she pointed at the elevator far in the back of the foyer.
  Instructions were given with each step of the way, calming your nerves a bit. The moment you found yourself inside the elevator she pulled your hand to the sensor on the wall next to the buttons.
Recognized: Code 2514. Welcome Miss Y/N  
 Your head shot up when F.R.I.D.Y.’s voice echoed in the small space. The women smiled giving you a small nod and stepped out of the vicinity. Once her body was outside ,the doors slid closed. Over them glowed a protective blue light layering over the material like a soft veil.
 It felt like you weren’t moving an inch. Your body flinched when the sun stung at your eyes from the window. Your gaze landed over the view of the city, as you went higher and higher, ascending into the clouds  The blues and yellows were covering the inside of the elevator, such vibrant and lovely colors warming your body. For a moment your heart felt heavy- lost memory tugged onto it again. An often occurrence lately, yet you kept brushing off as deja vu. 
Floor 134. Welcome to the Avenger’s compound Miss Y/N
“134!?” the numbers cracked out with your voice. The interface made you turn towards the opposite opening doors revealing a room as big as a hall, if not almost a stadium. The ceiling was high being the lid to this round area. Your heart beat increased pumping blood to your body, dilating your pupils at least twice their original size. It look amazing, almost like you had just entered heaven. The walls were white, the furniture was perfectly placed and cream colored. Stepping outside you jumped at the sound of the elevator doors closing behind you. 
“Wow” escaped your lips, your hand pulling the suitcase closer. So this was the common room or the shared space. The windows were so big they were practically a wall of their own. The bright rays were making themselves at home giving the white paint a new color with each passing minute. The ceilings were probably the equivalent of 3 floors in height. There was this weird feeling of home inside, a bit of isolation maybe mixed in. 
“Miss Y/N?” your head swung to the side when you recognized that shy but bright smile. Throwing the papers on top of your suitcase, you extended your arm at the man.
“Ah.” Good thing your mind automatically responds politely to people without you giving it much thought “Dr. Banner. It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance.” you shook his hand gently a couple of times and let go ,finding the papers and showing them to him “My name is Y/N-Y/L/N.” gentle bow and a smile followed the words skillfully chosen
“Welcome Welcome. Tony is out right now so I might be the only one actively walking around the compound. Well…”he scratched the back of his neck, lightly hunching over with a sheepish smile “I am one of the people you will be working under anyways, so I guess it is good that I came to get you. I would love to show you the lab, but I am sure you would like to set up your things first.” You nodded and he showed you to your room. The corridor had 3 tall doors scattered on the walls, all looking modern and elegant.
“This is the side where usually we have our female members. Natasha and Wanda will be your nextdoor neighbors. Hope it won’t be any trouble.” Bruce looked at you ,when an aggressive shake took over your neck
“No, no. Not at all sir. I am very grateful to have such amazing heroes next to me. As a matter of fact won’t they be troubled with me here?” and here came the normal anxiety that you had for everything
“I am sure they will like you. Don’t worry about it.” Bruce stepped next to the door and waved you over “You don’t have a key or a door handle as a matter of fact. Tony’s idea, don’t ask. If you got up here on your own I assume he made the girls downstairs give you an identification implant. That is basically your entrance for everything here. Kind of an Avengers thing.” You nodded and him wiggling his fingers like a spell. Placing your hand on the door like he told you activated F.R.I.D.A.Y.
Recognized: Y/N. Access and ownership granted.
  The metal frame slid open and you found yourself standing before a big room. It was nicely furnished. The desk was big enough for you to work on it and have everything around. Bookshelves empty and ready to be used on your left and a large bed on your right flush against the wall. The window was once more its own wall right in front of you standing behind the desk. The bathroom door was opening a space before the shelf the same color as the paint in the common room.
“I will let you set up. If you need anything F.R.I.D.A.Y. is always here. The room is interactive, you can ask exactly what works under the interface’s control. The door is one.Take your time.”he was on his way out “Would you like some coffee or tea?”
“I would like some tea, thank you very much.” Bruce flashed you a smile “F.R.I.D.A.Y. the door please.”
Door closed 
  Done as said and requested, clicking behind you. 
Would you like an extensive list of my functions as an assistant?
“Please do.”
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fukurodaze · 4 years
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if i ever get lost
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pairing/s: third year!haiba lev x gn!reader genre: fluff, romantic tension aka best and softest tension word count: 3.2k warnings: like, one curse word this was also requested by anon! “3rd year Lev w a reader who’s struggling to pass all their homeworks, projects and quizzes (bc they piled up their works ;;) while thinking of how should they study for college/uni entrance exams?”
special thanks to nat @natszoo​ and ellie @lcnelyinthesky​ for beta reading and helping me w this!! 
LISTEN TO: somebody loves you - jeremy zucker; glitter - benee
lowercase intended!
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you throw your head back when you forget the term written on the flip side of the flash card haiba lev is holding. it’s a friday night, far past anyone’s bedtimes, but final exams for the first semester start on monday and you’re not sure where to start. haiba lev, being the person who has nothing better to do, agreed to come over and flip cards with random kanji, english, and biology terms on it.
lev might also be here because it’s an open secret that he’s liked you since first year, and you’ve never answered to his feelings, but you’re thinking friends for now - until you memorise all of this semester’s kanji, english vocabulary, and biology terms, that is.
“the phospholipid bilayer is made up of...”
lev gives you time to think, his wide eyes going between the answer on the card and your thinking face.
“shit, uh, the phospholipid bilayer is made up of two layers of phospholipids?”
“makes sense, but no.” lev answers, flipping the card to show you.
“the phospholipid bilayer is made up of a polar, hydrophilic area containing a phosphate group bound to glycerol, and a non-polar, lipophilic area containing fatty acids...” you read aloud, trying to memorise what’s currently going out your mouth, in one ear, and out again through another ear.
“you know, your flash cards are pretty comprehensive.”
you raise an eyebrow, “is that... a good thing?”
“i mean, yes and no,” he takes another sip of the tea your mom had insisted to bring to guests, “it’s harder to memorise, but it’s better for details. but-”
“but?” you watch as he takes another sip. 
“i think if you really don’t know where to go, just understand the basic concept of everything. for one - what is the function of the bilayer?”
“why do you sound smart?” you question, tilting your head jokingly.
“hey! i am smart! most times! with tests like these that have essay questions, you just gotta learn the basic concept of each term and connect them.” lev advices, recounting his former volleyball captain and nekoma high school alumni, kuroo tetsuro’s, words when lev himself was barely scraping past his first semester finals when he’d just transferred.
“easier said than done in two nights,” you slouch your head on your desk, “plus! it’s not just biology. or exams.”
if memorising all these terms in the span of two days sounds bad enough, you’re still crushed with the supplementary course work and projects due next week as well. 
you let out a deep groan. you’re so tired. it’s like biology information only comes up when you’re studying for english, biology only coming up for modern literature, and mathematics somehow being inserted into the little unknown kanji in modern literature. it’s all too much at once.
“it’s all too much at once, huh?” lev places his head on your desk, only a few inches away from your face. normally, you’d push him away, pull your head back up, or maybe even give him a light slap on a bad day, but today you welcome him. 
you nod, quiet. you haven’t been able to get a breather. it’s essay this, quiz that, lab report here, test there. your mind is blank.
now, lev sits back up on the extra chair from your dining room, “have you eaten dinner?”
“why are you asking... it’s like, midnight.”
“the question still stands.”
you sigh, “nope.”
lev hums. he takes a pen, then twirls it, like his fingers possessed polar magnets that somehow let the pens never fall from his hands. but it does eventually, and when it falls with a plastic click on your wooden desk, lev visibly takes a big breath and says, “do you want to get ramen?”
you exhale through your nose and smile. “are you asking me out, haiba?”
“is it inappropriate to ask you out now?”
damn this tall dork. come to think of it, he’s never actually asked you out despite the obvious ways he’d vouch for your attention in the past. you’re quite surprised, frankly, as he’s always been so loud in the ways he’s wanted to be with you but never really made it seem like anything was going to happen. 
but, hey, it’s late enough for you to put down your doubts about him away. after all, he’s been in your room for four hours, just helping you study. he wasn’t even studying himself - he just sat there, doing almost nothing. and for a guy like him, you wonder how he’s managed to keep there for so long.
“sure.”
lev’s eyes widen. “wait, really?”
“yeah,” you begin to set aside all your study materials, “we can go to a twenty-four hour place in the city, too.”
“alright! let me get you your coat!”
“my coat?” you raise an eyebrow when he hands you the coat you wear the most, feeling both flattered and slightly surprised that he recognises it straight away from your messy room. the boy comes to retreat his coat as well from one of the hangers in your room, and he even offers to get you your socks and boots.
“alright, alright, you don’t have to be that ready to go,” you joke. 
he makes sure there is no noise when you two walk out of your house, through the suburbs of tokyo and to the nearest train to the city. 
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“aren’t you two a bit young to be here so late?” the shopkeeper, an old lady, mutters under her breath. you catch it through her croaky voice when you and lev enter the place together, but you pay no attention because all you care to focus on is the smell of broth and your empty stomach.
“for two, please,” lev says, undoubtedly hearing the woman’s remark, but answering with a smile. she smiles too, and so do you, and it makes you remember all the times he’s smiled and you’ve wanted to either punch him or hold his hand. 
today just happens to be one of those days where you want to hold his hand. you shake the thought off.
when you two are seated at the ramen bar, your head falls onto your palm, tilting back to face lev, his chin covered partly by his usual maroon scarf. you had whispered to him earlier on the train what you wanted to order, and lev quickly speaks to the waiter as your tired gaze rises from from the squiggly wooden patterns embedded in the polished wooden table to the boy that’s sitting right next to you. 
at first glance, you remember haiba lev’s face to be satisfying to look at. you remember when he had just transferred to your class in the first year, and you developed the annoying habit of looking forty-five degrees to the right every time you were bored in class, as you thought his face was much easier on the eyes than complex quadratic equations or japanese history. 
for a while you wondered if it was because he certainly looked different - not only was he practically a giant, but he had eurocentric features that stood out from the majority of the student body as well (it also didn’t help that he quite literally and figuratively filled any room he was in). though, maybe, after a while, when everyone got used to the sight of a new face, you kept your line of sight at a forty-five degree angle, just peering above his cheekbones. the same way you’re looking at him right now.
and really, the only word for it is handsome. dashing. good-looking. you’ve always known that, but now that you put it into words in your head, you notice the chiseled jaw, pointed nose and emerald green eyes feel a bit more-
“what you staring at?” his baritone voice cuts through your thoughts cleanly.
you don’t like where this conversation will go. “haiba, are you doing any college entrance exams?”
lev cocks his head to one side, thinking, before nodding, “i think i am. why?”
“how are you studying for them?”
lev clicks his tongue, and it brings you to surprise, “get your mind away from studying! we’re not here in the city at, like, one in the morning to talk about college entrance exams!”
you sigh, “okay, fine. but, still, answer my question?”
“i just do practice problems for twenty minutes every day,” lev shrugs, “okay, now, can we move away from studying?”
you hum lazily, watching as two bowls of ramen arrive at the bar. he had ordered what you told him you wanted to order, both bowls almost identical in smell, shape, size, and content. almost, because lev didn’t have any spring onions in his bowl.
“haiba,” you call, earning a quick call of your name in response, “do you not like spring onions?”
lev nods so obviously that he seems proud. his chopsticks mix the entire bowl together before picking up the half-boiled egg and eating the slice whole. when he swallows it down, he asks you, “you noticed.”
“i mean, yeah,” you reply, “why do you not like them? they’re like, essential.”
lev takes a slurp of his noodles, and then a spoonful of the broth, “i just never liked their texture - which is funny, since my entire family loves adding spring onions.”
now it’s your turn to slurp into your ramen, one bite turning into two, and two turning into the entire content of the bowl. lev seems to eat twice as fast, seemingly having a strategy to cooling down the hot noodles on his spoon while simultaneously folding a piece of pork charsiu in between the loops of each spoonful of noodles, making sure that the little wrap is bathed in a little bit of broth. you find yourself smiling at his act, almost like he has a system of his own when it came to eating ramen - well, he usually had a system of his own when doing just about anything.
the meal is quiet for the most part, with little mumbles of how your tea needs a refill and the ruffling sounds between sheets of tissue to wipe off the broth around your lips. it’s fulfilling, and the look on lev’s face says he’s happy too.
when you two make it out of the ramen bar, 1am feels the same as 9pm. somehow, you’re no longer the kind of sleepy you were when you were flipping through flashcards on your desk, and instead, you’re almost dreading to go home. you think it might also be the neon lights, but there’s some kind of electricity you’re not yet willing to let rest for the night.
luckily, lev doesn’t feel the need to rush. although his steps are big and his voice is loud, he takes his time when you two make the silent agreement to make the walk to the train station as long-winded as possible. his voice is lower, and softer, this time, and when he speaks to you about his friends from his old school, you convince yourself it’s the most interesting topic in the world - because it is. because it’s lev.
when he stops in his tracks, you stop too, watching him go into a small trinket shop you’ve always seen but never had the means to afford to go in. you reckon you might own something from this store, though.
“haiba, you like little trinkets?” your eyes scroll through the shelves of delicate and virtually useless items, eyes landing on a small lion cub made of clear resin with a small blob of gold floating in the middle of its clear body. you’re not usually drawn to any animal trinkets, as you’ve gotten used to decorative objects like bows or feathers or lace, but today you think about the lion cub. despite it looking severely overpriced, you take it in your hand anyway, not noticing lev’s figure coming right behind you.
“do you want that one?” you yelp in surprise when he says that, turning around to find yourself so close to him you could smell the dried raindrops on his padded coat.
“i’m pretty sure it’s overpriced. trinkets are usually overpriced anyways.”
“wait, let me check it,” you hand lev the trinket, “how much is your keychain?”
you furrow your eyebrows, “what?”
“you know, the keychain on the bag you bring to school.”
“oh,” you try to remember the time you had saved up for that keychain, “i think it was about three thousand yen? it’s overpriced. definitely.”
“well, this one’s only two thousand and five hundred. i’ll get it for you.”
“wha- lev!” you whine, “you’re going to make me feel bad- wait what’s wrong?” you see the boy freeze up in front of you, a big smile creeping onto his cheeky face.
he doesn’t reply for a bit, and you’re faced with raised cheekbones and a wide mouth. you try again, “was it something i did? or said?”
“you called me lev,” oh, you did. 
now his smile spreads from ear to ear, and it’s spreading to you. “you never call me lev.”
“huh, well.” you bite the inside of your mouth, “i guess now i do.”
it’s enough for you to let him spend over two thousand yen on a single trinket. you watch as he waits for the trinket to be wrapped neatly in pretty paper and put in a pink cardboard bag, its motif pretty enough to be its own product in the store. 
you stand by the doorframe of the store, mouth ready to open with the words ‘i’ll pay you back’. but it seems like lev had heard you from the future, and before you could do anything, he tells you, “don’t pay me back. this is my gift to you.”
“for exams?”
he grins. “you know, lev means lion in russian.”
the bell of the store rings as you two make your way out, this time really going back to the station. you answer with a ‘really?’ at his fun fact but you keep it to yourself that you’ve known ever since he first transferred and everyone had asked him about it. 
“yeah, and the thing’s a lion cub, so, it’s like you have me all the time!” 
you giggle, walking up the steps to the train platform. “you’re really something, lev.”
lev stretches his arms out, with long limbs you swear ghost your shoulder. you get that feeling again, in your hands, where you just can’t seem to understand why you want to take his hand in yours so bad, so you ask the boy if you can hold onto the bag with your trinket. lev passes it to you, and you hate how you would’ve liked for your thumb to graze over his thumb for longer. you hate it even more when he motions you onto the train, and in a blur, you take his arm, leading him to corner seats on the train. you feel your face heat up. 
ah, so that’s how it is.
now you’re conflicted. not that lev had ever made you feel uncomfortable - no, never - but you had never known how to return his obvious feelings. he would act on them, as always, and one day, as you fell asleep one day after final semester exams in the second year, leaning back into the plastic seat of a suburban tokyo metro rail (which lev thought was very dangerous), lev had muttered in the quietest and most subtle manner, ‘what do i do with my feelings?’
then, in a haze, with eyes barely open, you had moved your head from your seat to his shoulder, painting his cheeks red - dumbstruck. he thought you forgot about it the next morning, and you barely remember, so nothing happened afterwards. yet, when you think of him, you think of hues of orange peeling the sky into purple; of freshly washed school uniforms; of heads leaning on shoulders and fingers intertwined. you don’t know how to answer him.
with lev, there is chatter and laughter and blunt remarks that almost get him slapped in the face. still, there is a box, bigger than the bag your trinket is in, that contains words that you don’t think you or lev have ever said in pure daylight and wake. 
“hey, lev?”
you want to open that box.
“yeah?”
but you don’t know how to do it yet.
“the phospholipid bilayer is made up of a polar, hydrophilic area containing a phosphate group bound to glycerol, and a non-polar, lipophilic area containing fatty acids.”
lev exclaims a series of ‘oooh!’s in delight. 
“was that correct?”
“um,” lev gulps, “i think so? i mean- i think so.”
but you will open it, sooner or later, and it rings in your head when you step off the train and walk into the neighbourhood. right now, nothing is different - the air is not heavier, his eyes do not sparkle like love interests do in the movies, and you do not look through a rose-coloured lens. monday is finals, and the weekend is studying. you tell yourself this.
lev stops at your doorstep, and you almost feel a sear in your chest at the thought of him leaving for the night. 
“so, good luck with next week, y/n.”
you nod, trinket bag in your hands, “you too, lev.”
you find that your arms are opening up, a small pout on your face as lev comes to wrap his arms around you, coats shuffling against each other as you hold each other at three in the morning. 
when you pull away from the hug, you start to ramble a bit, scrambling for new topics to bring up in hopes of just a few more seconds with him - that, and trying to stop yourself from your newfound want to cup this boy’s face in your hands and kiss him square on the lips. you wonder if he would be good at kissing, and you wonder how much you’ll regret having these thoughts tomorrow. 
but even conversation dies when you know it’s getting too cold, so you bid your sweet goodbyes and promise him not to overwork; he reminds you that it’s better to do short but frequent study sessions than fewer and highly intensive ones. you nod, your boots heavy on your doorstep, the hushed sound of keys in doors slowly becoming the only sound you hear as you assume lev’s left already.
until he calls your name.
your head spins fast towards the boy, watching as he makes long strides to stand at your doorway once again, scarf prodding the tip of his nose, so close to your face. he’s red.
“during exams, or tomorrow, or studying for entrance exams- if you ever get lost-” he pants, and unties his scarf from his neck.
“you’ll find me, okay?” the scarf comfortably hangs around your neck now, covering your mouth. he pats your head twice. it’s warm - literally. 
you barely get the chance to say anything before he darts out of your house with a quick goodbye. you’re left confused, flustered, and excited at once, and this time, you think you might have the words as to why. 
you like to imagine you taste sweetness, see eyes that sparkle, and feel butterflies in your stomach. 
“it might not be so bad,” you whisper, looking down at the pretty little bag containing one unnecessarily expensive item lev had bought you.
right; you have feelings for him too. 
then you make up your mind: you’ll tell him next friday. and if your finals stand between tonight and next friday, then, all the more motivation to get through them, right?
you make sure to set an alarm for seven in the morning, kanji textbooks lined up for tomorrow. 
163 notes · View notes
rohad93 · 4 years
Text
Moonlit Masquerade: Under the Lights
“So, do you know what your plans for this weekend are?” Willow asked her Monday as they sat eating lunch and waiting on Luz, who’d hadn’t shown up from class yet.
Amity looked up from her sandwich, still chewing the bite in her mouth. She quickly swallowed it.
“I don’t have any that I know of yet, why?“ 
“What about your anniversary?” Gus asked as he looked up from his own food.
“My anniversary?” Amity repeated, looking just as confused as she sounded. “What anniversary?” She turned to the illusion track student.
Willow seemed to realize something as her eyes went wide and she shook her hands.
“Nothing, nevermind…,” she started to say, but Gus, heedless of the fact that Amity was clueless and Willow was trying to back track, went on.
“Luz said this Saturday was your one month anniversary and she was thinking of doing something for you,” he said, not noticing the look Willow was now giving him.
Amity blinked at him before horror slowly began to dawn upon her face.
Gus and Willow watched, fascinated as she dropped her sandwich and slapped both hands to her cheeks.
“Titan, I didn’t even think about it!” she yelped. “I’m such a bad girlfriend,” she groaned.
Willow shot Gus another look and the younger witch looked back and forth between the two before coming to his own realization.
“Ooh… sorry,” he mumbled, hunkering down behind his food. Willow sighed, before turning back to Amity.
“You’re not a bad girlfriend, Amity. You’re just not the type to do that coupley thing where you feel like you have to celebrate every month, a lot of people aren’t.” Willow shrugged, spearing some of her salad on her fork.
Amity couldn’t deny that that was true, she had seen plenty of couples, like Skara and her boyfriend, do that nauseating thing where they celebrated being a couple every two weeks or some other absurdly short amount of time and she’d always thought it was silly.
Now that she and Luz were dating she found herself whistling a different tune. 
Not that she was going to start making a big deal out of every other week like some people.
After spending almost a month and a half pining after Luz only for them to now be dating, and for a month? That was worth something to her.
“But I should know that Luz would be that kind of person, and of course she’s already thinking about it,” she groaned, burying her face in her hands. Gus and Willow shared a sympathetic look.
“Well, based on what she said this morning, I don’t think she has any kind of plan yet,” Willow tried to assure her. “She really only mentioned it and that she might want to do something.”
Amity shot up ramrod straight at that, smacking both her fists on the table.
“I still have time then, I can beat her to it.” Amity seemed to be talking more to herself from the two of them.
“I could be wrong, but I don’t think it’s a competition, Amity.” Willow looked at her, mildly concerned.
“No, of course it isn’t, it’s just…” She searched for the right words. “After everything Luz did last month, the gifts and notes… the dance… I want to be able to do something big for her back. We hang out all the time after school and on the weekends and we call them dates but I want to do something more…,” she trailed off, thinking. 
“Romantic?” Willow finished with a knowing grin as she took a bite of her lunch.
Amity’s face pinked, but she nodded, clenching her fists.
“Well…,” Willow hummed thoughtfully. “Grand gestures are kind of Luz’s thing, it’s how she shows she cares, so if you did some big romantic gesture I’m sure it would blow her away.” She smiled. 
“Yeah!” Gus slapped his palms on the table. “Something big and flashy, with some pizazz!” Her twirled a finger and confetti burst into the air, dissolving into sparks of blue magic as it hit the table. 
“Well, maybe not quite like that,” Willow giggled. “But something,” she agreed.
“Flashy isn’t really my thing…” Amity frowned, drumming her fingers on the table as she rested her chin in her other hand, brows furrowed in thought.
“I’m sure whatever you do, Luz will love it.” Willow smiled softly at her childhood friend. 
Speaking of…
Luz chose that moment to come dashing into the cafeteria and headed straight for them.
“Hey, all my favorite people!” She hopped over the bench to plop into the spot next to Amity as she reached across the table to high five Gus and shoot Willow a finger gun before turning to Amity with a bright grin. “And my favorite girlfriend,” she said quietly with a wink. 
Amity found herself grinning back, cheeks only turning a little pink now when the other girl casually flirted with her.
“I had better be your only girlfriend, Noceda,” she teased, only just holding back her laughter as Luz clutched dramatically at her chest and gasped in mock affront.
“As if there could ever be anyone else, Cariño.” She couldn’t hold the facade for long and broke into a wide grin, reaching under the table to give Amity’s knee a brief squeeze. They did their best to refrain from any physical displays or words of affection at school, though Luz occasionally, sneakily, did something like that; it was just who she was.
Willow rolled her eyes at the couple and Gus made a gagging motion. 
“Sorry it took so long, some chimera’s got loose in beast keeping near the end of class…,” Luz launched into a story.
The rest of lunch went by quickly and soon the bell’s screaming echoed over the din of the lunch room. 
“Oh, I better get to potions!” Luz jumped up.
“Wait, Luz.” Amity’s hand on her forearm made her still. “Do you have plans for Saturday?” she asked, already knowing the answer, but she couldn’t let her know that.
“Nope, why?”
“There’s something I wanted to do Saturday, with you.” 
“Sure, what?” Luz cocked her head curiously.
“It’s a surprise.” Amity smiled at the way Luz’s dark eyes lit up with the word.
“Ooh, I see.” she grinned. “Well, I’m all yours Saturday then.” 
“Perfect” she smiled at the words ‘all yours’ and felt the familiar warm and tingly sensation that filled her whole body whenever Luz said or did something that struck that certain chord in her heart. 
“See you guys later.” She waved at Gus and Willow, who waved back before turning to Amity. “After school?” she asked with a meaningful look that made Amity smile sadly. 
She’d been thinking about it all through lunch and she had an idea, but if she wanted it to become a reality she’d need to start right after school.
“I can’t today…” She hated the way Luz’s shoulders fell at the words but Saturday would make her disappointment now worth it. 
“Alright,” she pouted. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow?” she asked, making Amity roll her eyes.
“Of course, you dork,” she huffed but Luz only grinned. 
“Adiós, Cariño!” Luz waved as she jogged out of the cafeteria toward the potions hall. 
Once she was gone Amity turned back to the others at the table.
“What does ‘Cariño’ mean?” she asked. They just shrugged. Luz had started calling her that last week and she always forgot to ask about it. 
“You have a plan for Saturday?” Willow cocked a brow questioningly at the familiar look on Amity’s face.
“I have an idea…,” she said. “But I need to start first thing after school… and I may need a little help…” she looked at them.
The two shared a glance before turning back to her with matching smiles.
“What do you need?”
~ ~
Amity’s plan was slowly forming in her head as she hurried to the Bonesburough market as soon as the last bell screamed.
She knew exactly what she wanted to do and where, but she needed some extra information first if it was gonna be perfect.
She needed to talk to Eda, and she knew from Luz that Eda had started selling things again in the market just last week, figuring some of the pressure around her had died down.
She turned the corner and spotted the rickety stand being manned by the Owl Lady herself, though she was wearing a wrap around her head and some sunglasses. 
Amity wasn’t sure who that disguise was supposed to fool since Eda was the most wanted criminal in the Isles, but that was Eda’s business. 
She walked up to the stand and waited for the customer finishing their purchase to leave before approaching.
Eda noticed her quickly.
“Hey, kid. Need some human paraphernalia for your human?” she asked with a grin and a wink, making Amity flush.
“No, I don’t need anything for Luz… but I do need something from you,” she said.
“Oh?” Eda leaned over the counter and peered at her over the tops of her sunglasses. 
“I'm… doing something to surprise Luz and I was wondering if you could tell me what some of her favorite foods are, she’s told me you cook for her.“ 
“Well, I cook, yeah, but other than pancakes, the kid’s not big on most of my meals… not that I blame her.” She shrugged. 
Amity frowned at that, Eda was really her only hope for this information. Gus and Willow hadn’t known much about it and while she and Luz talked all the time about all kinds of things, it was natural that some things just hadn’t come up yet. 
“There is some food I’ve heard her talk about that she loves, something her mom made for her… what was it?” Eda tapped her chin thoughtfully.
“I believe she called it ‘tostones’.” Another voice called and they both turned to see Lilith, as she came out of the back of the stand holding a box of human junk.
“That’s right!” Eda snapped her fingers.
Amity frowned at the sight of the former coven leader.
She and Luz had talked about Lilith only once. Luz didn’t like that she was still holding a grudge over the things that had happened with the elder Clawtorne sister, but she respected Amity’s right to her feelings and didn’t bring it up, only mentioning her former mentor in passing.
Luz was just too forgiving sometimes, in Amity’s opinion. Though she guessed if she wasn’t they wouldn’t be where they were today, so she would be cordial at the owl house when she was there, for Luz; but that didn’t mean she had to like Lilith.
Lilith noticed the less than friendly look she was getting from the teen and averted her eyes. She was lucky Luz was so quick to let things go, but she knew the same could not be said for most people, and really, she deserved it. Eda smirked at her sister’s demeanor in front of her former protégé.
“What are ‘tostones’?” The foreign word felt strange on her tongue as she looked back to Eda who shrugged. 
“Some kind of fried fruit?” She turned to her sister who nodded.
“She said it was a fruit in the human world. A ‘plantain’. You slice them into disks, fry them, smash them flat, then fry them again and sprinkle them with salt." 
"Oh yeah… kid was practically drooling.” Eda smirked, rolling her eyes
“We probably don’t have that fruit here…” Amity frowned.
“No, but I’ve given her Gorgon fruit before and she said it was really similar, you could probably make it with those,” Eda suggested.
“Gorgon fruit, huh?” she hummed.
Amity was familiar with them. While you could eat them, most people didn’t because of their bland flavor and starchy texture. But she was damned if she wasn’t going to try. 
“I can get Gorgon fruit…,” she trailed off thoughtfully.
“Amity!?" 
Amity jumped, looking up in time to see her girlfriend come barreling toward her at full speed from across the market. 
She pounced on her, wrapping her arms around the witch’s neck and grinning.
"Hi, Luz.” Amity smiled, wrapping her arms around Luz if no other reason then to keep from being barreled over as she was tackled at full speed.
The sisters smirked, glancing at each other as they watched the two teenagers.
“What are you doing here, I thought you had something to do after school?” she asked after stepping back to look at her.
“Oh, yes, I…,” she trailed off. She hadn’t thought Luz would be at the market today and had not prepared an excuse in case she ran into her. Her eyes flickered across Luz’s patiently waiting face, mind racing for something to say.
“She came to speak to me." 
They both turned to Lilith in surprise.
"You did?” Luz blinked, turning her gaze back on Amity, who quickly schooled her features so as not to look as surprised as Luz.
“Yessss…,” she said slowly, trying not to sound equally bewildered.
Then a bright smile broke out on Luz’s face and she nudged her gently.
“I’m proud of you,” she said quietly. 
Amity hummed, frowning. She felt a little guilty at Luz’s praise, because she certainly was not here to talk to Lilith. 
“Come along then, Amity,” Lilith called as she walked out from behind the stand.
“Bye, Luz” she quickly pressed a kiss to her cheek before hurrying away to follow Lilith.
“See you tomorrow, Cariño~,“ she sang, waving. Eda rolled her eyes at the entire affair, but was grinning.
Amity followed Lilith silently until they were out of sight of Eda’s stand.
"I’m still mad at you…,” Amity grumbled.
“I know, and you have every right to be. Few people are as forgiving as Luz…” The former coven leader frowned.
They walked along quietly till they stopped in front of a stand selling fruits and vegetables.
Lilith eyed their wares before spotting a large bunch of Gorgon fruit, their pale violet skin sticking out among the other fruits. She dug through one of her pockets and handed over the appropriate amount of snails before picking them up and handing them to Amity, who blinked down at the fruit in her hands before looking back up at Lilith.
“I… hope someday, to actually earn Eda and Luz’s forgiveness for what I’ve done to them, and yours for what I did to you,” she said solemnly before turning and walking back to Eda’s stand without another word.
Amity watched as the elder Clawthorne sister disappeared in the crowded market.
She looked at the fruit in hand before turning and hurrying home.
~ ~
That night she stood in the kitchen a little frazzled. She had no idea if she was doing this right since she didn’t know what it was supposed to look or taste like. 
She carefully moved the popping and sizzling disks around in the oil as they cooked. While the skin of the fruit was a pale violet the flesh itself was white and turned golden brown as it cooked, filling the house with a delightful smell. 
Luckily for her both her parents were gone for the entire week, leaving the Blight children to their own devices, so she didn’t have to worry about any questions about what she was making or where she would be after school or Saturday evening.
On the other hand she still had to worry about…
“Whatcha’ cookin, Mittens?" 
"Smells good." 
The twins popped up over her shoulders, making her jump.
She scowled, glancing at them over her shoulder.
It was easier to just answer their questions and they often went on their merry way after they had their fill of harassing her.
“It’s called ‘tostones’ it’s one of Luz’s favorite foods from the human realm, I’m trying to recreate it for her.” She moved some of the disks out of the oil to a paper towl sitting on the counter and she quickly sprinkled them with salt.
“Aw, that’s sweet…” Emira cooed, pinching one of Amity’s cheeks only to have her hand swatted away with the spatula and a growl. 
“Oh, let us try!” Edric grabbed one of the disks, Amity didn’t try to stop him as he popped it into his mouth.
“Hot, Hot!” He smacked his mouth trying to bounce searing hot food off his tongue but didn’t take it out of his mouth. The sisters watched and shared a glance, the same deadpan expression on both their faces. 
“So hot…,” Ed whimpered, fanning his tongue with his hands while still chewing.
“Ed…” Emira shook her head with a sigh and Amity rolled her eyes. What she was planning wasn’t till Saturday, this was just a test batch and she would have offered her siblings some; after they had cooled.
“So good, but so hot…” Ed stuck out his now burnt tongue with a whine.
“Are they?” Amity turned to her first completed batch and picked one up, carefully blowing on it before popping it in her mouth.
The salt and fat melted on her tongue and the pleasant crunch followed by the soft mashed fruit inside made her hum; they were good.
Em followed her example, carefully cooling it before taking a bite.
“Oh, these are good, Mittens!” the older girl praised before popping the rest in her mouth.
“I hope it’s close enough to what her mom makes.” She chewed her lip worriedly. Even if they were good, the point was to try and give Luz one of her favorite foods, something that she’d lost with the portal’s destruction.
Edric and Emira shared a knowing look.
“I’m sure she’s gonna love it, sis.” Edric set a hand on her shoulder.
“Yeah, even if it’s not the exact same, Luz will appreciate the effort.” Emira squeezed her other shoulder.  
“Thanks…” Amity smiled, then caught sight of her brother reaching for another steaming hot tostone and slapped his hand.
“Ed!” Emira huffed.
“What? They’re good!” he whined.
“Just wait for them to cool off!” Amity scolded. 
~ ~ ~
By Friday Amity had decided she had perfected her Boiling Isles version of tostones as much as she was able, having never seen or tasted them herself. As well as having gathered together a few other foods and things needed for what she had planned for Saturday. 
She could tell that Luz was curious about what she was planning as they sat in what had become ‘their’ secret room, Luz leaning her head on Amity’s shoulder and peering up at her with large puppy eyes while she flipped through one of her text books.
“Just a hint?” she asked, making Amity roll her eyes fondly. 
“No,” she said for the third time that afternoon, flipping a page in her book.
“I hate surprises…,” Luz mumbled, crossing her arms but not removing her head from Amity’s shoulder.
“You love surprises, you just hate waiting for them.” Amity looked at her fondly, but exasperated. 
“Well, can’t argue with that…,” Luz hummed. “Should I bring or wear anything special?” she asked.
“Just yourself, however you want to come.” She smiled. “Don’t eat dinner,” she tacked on. It would ruin all her work for Luz to eat beforehand. 
“Even if I want to wear the otter costume?” Luz snickered, peeking up as Amity’s smile fell.
“If… you want…,” she said slowly. “But please don’t…,” she muttered under her breath, making Luz burst in giggles.
“I won’t, Cariño.” she promised, nudging Amity’s cheek with the top of her head and closing her eyes.
Amity paused, thinking.
“Luz?”
“Hmm?” 
“What does ‘Cariño’ mean?” she finally asked.
“Hm? Oh it means…” she paused, a sly look sliding into her face. “Tell me about Saturday and I’ll tell you what Cariño means,” she said and Amity pursed her lips, glaring down at Luz, who was looking up at her, grinning like the griffin that ate the pixie.
“I don’t wanna know then,” she huffed, turning her head.
“Aw, c'mon Amity!” Luz just laughed at her girlfriend’s puffed up cheeks.
They continued to poke and prod each other till Amity had to leave, with the promise of picking Luz up tomorrow night.
~ ~
Amity made her way toward the owl house with nervous excitement, the sun having just dipped below the horizon and the last rays of bright orange light were vanishing from the sky leaving the last bits of pale blue to soon give away to the deep blues and blacks of night.
Willow had just sent her a message on her scroll that she and Gus had finished their parts and were headed home.
She quickly typed back a reply, thanking them both for their help as she walked down the darkening path towards Luz’s house. 
She’d spent far too long digging through her closet when she had told Luz to just wear whatever she wanted. Her sister had come in at one point to help her sort through her wardrobe. She’d settled on a dark green plaid skirt and a long sleeved black shirt, her brooch pinned to it. 
She smiled as she adjusted it. She’d wear it everyday if she could.
The owl house came into view and Amity picked up the pace, hurrying to the front door. 
“Hi, Amity! Hoot hoot!”
Before she had to interact with the bird-tube the door flung open cutting off anything else Hooty might have said and Luz appeared, smiling brightly. 
She had obviously been waiting for her.
“Hey, Amity.” she stepped out of the doorway. “You look really nice.”
Heat bloomed across Amity’s face. She was never going to get used to Luz’s complements. 
“Thanks, so do you.” she glanced over her girlfriend, who grinned, and she did, in what she’d heard Luz call ‘jeans’ and a short sleeve blue and white striped shirt.
“I really wanted to wear the otter suit…,” she drawled, looking smug. “…but I figured since we’re doing something different I’d try to spice it up a little for you.” 
Amity rolled her eyes but smiled.
“I like it.” It was Luz’s turn to blush. “Are you ready to go?” 
“Yup! See you later, Eda!” She shouted back into the house with Eda shouting back at them to be safe and then Luz stepped all the way out, closing the door behind her and reaching out to grab Amity’s hand, lacing their fingers together. 
“Hoot, bye, Luz!” Hooty called. 
“So are you finally going to tell me where we’re going?” Luz asked after a few minutes of walking through the slowly darkening woods.
“No, I’m going to show you.” She smiled, glancing at the human out of the corner of her eye. 
“Mysterious…” Luz smiled back.
When they were nearly there Amity dug her free hand into her pocket and came back with a bandana. “Put this on?” she asked.
Luz blinked at the bandana for a second before letting go of Amity’s hand just long enough to tie the bandana around her eyes. She groped around for Amity’s hand again, making the witch smile as she took it and led her the rest of the way.
“Are we there yet?” Luz asked when they stopped and Amity steeled herself, nodding but Luz couldn’t see it of course. 
“Yes”
Luz wasted no time whipping off her bandana and the moment her eyes blinked open she gasped. 
They were standing on the cliffside, in front of a large pink, leafed tree.
Their grom tree.
The air around the tree was filled with floating balls of light that lit the area and slowly shifted from one color to the next. Their light reflected off the tree’s leaves, casting everything in a shadow of pale pink as the last vestiges of light disappeared behind the ocean on the horizon. 
Sitting at the base of the tree was a checkered blanket laid out over the grass and what Luz could only guess to be the Boiling Isles version of a picnic basket. 
Amity dug the toe of her shoe into the dirt, waiting anxiously for Luz to speak, but she couldn’t stay silent any longer.
“W-what do you think?” she asked, jerking Luz out of her stupor. She turned to Amity and blinked, mouth opening but no words coming out as so many rushed to the tip of her tongue at once.  She swallowed, trying to force a clam over herself long enough to speak but the hot feeling in her chest was overwhelming as she looked at her girlfriend in the low glowing lights as they floated around their heads.
“It’s amazing,” she finally managed to get out past dry lips. 
“Really?” Amity asked and Luz was reminded of the last time they had been here and she had asked her that, with the same hopeful lilt, after Luz had said she would go to Grom with her. She laughed at herself, if she had known then what she knew now…
“Yeah, everything is beautiful,” she spoke quietly, as though raising her voice would shatter the moment. Luz grabbed both Amity’s hands and held them firmly in her own. Amity’s face was hot, but she was getting used to that just being how it was going to be when they were together. 
“Gus and Willow helped…and I haven’t even shown you everything yet…” She tugged Luz over to the blanket and sat carefully while Luz plopped down beside her. “I wanted to try to make something you liked, but we don’t have the exact thing here on the Isles but I tried to make it as close as possible based on description,” she trailed off nervously. Luz looked at her with unabashed curiosity.
Luckily with a little magic they were still quite hot when she pulled the food out of the basket and held it up for Luz to inspect.
Brown eyes shot open wide as she looked at her girlfriend’s offering.
“Are those…,” she trailed off, hardly believing her eyes. It couldn’t be.
“We don’t have ‘plantains’ but I hope this version of tostones is close.” Amity held a hand out at the plate, motioning for Luz to try one.
With trembling fingers she picked one up and it was warm between her fingertips. She took a bite and immediately wanted to cry.
It was so, so good.
The flavor and texture was barely indistinguishable from her mom’s.
She looked back up at Amity, who had her hands fisted into her skirt, waiting on bated breath.
“It’s so good…” her voice trembled as she shoved the rest of it into her mouth, savoring every bite.
Amity’s tense shoulders pulled away from her ears and she smiled at Luz’s palpable joy, even though her eyes were a little glassy like she might cry at any moment. 
“I’m glad,” she said, drawing Luz’s attention back to her. 
That small, pleased smile lit up her whole face as the floating lights made her gold eyes shimmer.
“You…” Luz started, throwing out her hands and gesturing to everything. “Your…” she just couldn’t manage to get out the right words, she wasn’t even sure what the right words were. Everything was so beautiful and perfect and Luz didn’t think there were any words that could express that; she was overwhelmed. 
Where her mouth often failed her, her actions wouldn’t.
Luz shot forward, wrapping Amity in a tight hug and burying her face in her neck, making Amity squeak with surprise as Luz squeezed her, trying to convey everything she felt.
Amity hugged her back, smiling so hard it hurt but she couldn’t stop it even if she wanted to.
After a long minute Amity finally pulled away.
“They’re going to get cold.” She grinned, and Luz needed no further prompting before shoveling some more into her mouth while she pulled the sandwiches she made out of the box and started to eat one, happy to let Luz have all of the tostones.
When all the food was gone Luz laid flat on her back on the blanket, more content then she could ever remember being.
Her stomach wasn’t the only thing that felt full though. She turned her head to gaze up at Amity as she sipped apple blood out of a small juice box, her heart felt fit to burst. 
Why had it taken her so long to see how amazing the girl in front of her was? 
Amity glanced at her and saw her staring and her cheeks turned that lovely shade of pink they always did when she caught her off guard; making her grin.
If she had only been less dense at Grom…
The sudden thought made Luz sit up.
“I have an idea!” She grinned, jumping up and dug her phone out of her pocket. She quickly scrolled through her playlist before hitting play on a song, and the soft sounds of a tinkling piano filled the air around them. She sat it on the roots and turned to Amity, holding out a hand.
“I know we technically danced at Grom, but maybe we could have a do over? Without the giant terror demon, and not as friends?” she asked. 
Amity blinked at the outstretched hand a moment before a soft smile broke out on her face and she slid her hand into Luz’s.
“I’d like that.”
Luz pulled her up and wrapped an arm around her waist, threading her fingers between Amity’s as the witch’s spare hand wrapped around her, her head laying on her shoulder.
They swayed in slow rhythm with the music, eyes closed, simply enjoying the moment. 
Luz idly wondered if witches had a higher body temperature than humans, because Amity was always warm to the touch. 
After several more songs had come and gone, she spoke.
"This was amazing… you shouldn’t have gone through so much trouble though…it’s just a month anniversary…”
“I wanted to. I wanted to do something for you…,“ Amity hummed, turning her head to bury her face in Luz’s neck. She always smelled like the forest in summer, warm and pleasantly earthy.
“I feel bad I didn’t do anything for you,” she mumbled into mint hair. She still wasn’t sure if it was perfume or shampoo that gave Amity her sweet, flowery scent, but it never failed to put Luz at ease.
“Don’t, I’m just happy to be here with you.” Was the quiet reply and again Luz felt her chest surge to the brim with emotion desperately looking for an escape, and it finally found it.
“I love you." 
The words came out of her mouth before she even realized she was saying them.
They both froze, Amity jerking back to look at her and both their faces were nearly glowing red as they looked at each other equally surprised, and immediately Luz began to stammer.
"I didn’t mean that! I- I mean, I did, but I didn’t mean to say it out loud!” She fumbled over her words as Amity continued to stare at her in absolute shock.
“What?” The witch managed to squeak, barely a whisper, and if possible, Luz turned even redder, her palms suddenly sweaty and surely Amity noticed that!
‘I… I didn't… I mean, it’s probably way too soon to be saying that, right!?“ Her voice pitched, much louder than necessary since they were still standing pressed against each other, faces only a few inches apart. She decided it was best for once to just shut up.
It felt like an eternity as gold eyes searched her bright red face.
Slowly, Amity began to shake her head.
"Maybe…,” she finally said, voice low and eyes never leaving Luz’s. “But, I love you too." 
Luz’s grip on her hand tightened as she stared back.
"Yeah?”
“Yeah" 
Luz swallowed thickly, suddenly quite aware of the fact that she hadn’t kissed Amity, really kissed her, since the masquerade. 
She gently pulled her fingers free from Amity’s to cup one of the witch’s red cheeks. 
Amity leaned into the touch, heart suddenly thundering in her chest and then Luz's lips were slotted across hers with a gentle pressure Amity was quick to return.
Neither pulled away till their lungs burned with a need for air, releasing each other with a quiet ‘pop’ and panting and before either had recovered Luz was kissing her again and Amity’s fingers were digging into her shirt, a small noise rising unbidden in her throat making Luz kiss her that much harder, the arm still wrapped around her waist tightened, pulling her in as close as physics would allow.
This kiss was so much more than the tentative ones they had shared in Amity’s room after the dance. It was charged and it made Amity’s knees weak.
She wouldn’t be able to stand, surely, if not for Luz holding her so tightly.
When they finally pulled apart neither said anything for a long time, staring at each other and trying to get their breathing back under control.
"Sweetie” Luz finally said, and before Amity could even think to ask what she meant, Luz went on. “Cariño, it means ‘sweetie’,” she explained. 
“Oh,” Amity mumbled, face still flushed as she panted.
Luz resisted the urge to kiss her again. Amity looked ready to pass out and she herself felt boneless.
“But maybe… I should be calling you ‘mi amor’ instead…,” she mumbled, watching the lights reflecting in the golden depths of Amity’s eyes. 
“What does that mean?” Amity whispered, her already white-knuckled grip on Luz tightening.
“My love." 
~ ~ ~
I’m a romantic sap, what can I say?
Also i just like to write about them dancing.
@tri-chan inspired me.
179 notes · View notes
jean-kayak · 3 years
Text
Chapter 17
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Summary: A relaxing summer at home after your second year of college sounds nice, until someone comes back and makes it anything but
Pairing: Eren Jaeger x black!fem!reader
Warnings: angst lmao that’s really all i can say without spoiling anything 
Word Count: 2581
A/N: This is another FLASHBACK, and this will be the last one for the rest of the series, but after this, it goes pretty downhill lmfao
Tags: @iwascrybaby​, @styxtm​, @germinvasion​, @prxttyguardian​, @bigdaddyzawa​, @kbbvbz​, @tomsadversary​, @kqtsukisgf​, @pettyluxury​, @protectpancakes​
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Chapter Summary: Words can hurt. Like really, really bad.
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If you ever wanted a time to be good at holding back your tears, it would be right now. Final exams are coming up, so your stress levels are already through the roof, and to make it even worse, your teacher for interior design basically told you that your project was a failure and that you're going to have to start over. Today is Friday.
It's due Monday.
You're sitting on one of the benches in the main lobby of the high school, waiting for your ride, and you just can't stand being at school any longer. You're looking down, hoping no one who's still wondering through the hallways after almost everyone's left looks your way.
You freeze when you hear a familiar voice, and you feel a new fresh wave of tears roll down your face. You hear Eren laughing with his friends, and you keep your gaze down, refusing to look up as you wipe the tears from your eyes.
And you hate how your body sheds more tears at just the sound of his voice, and you blame it on the fact that you're already stressed. He "rejected" you a long time ago, so there's no reason for you to still be pining over someone you're never going to be with.
You keep sniffling due to the fact that you're looking down, and you're hoping he walks past you soon without looking your way at all. When you feel someone lightly nudge your head, you feel your heart drop. "Hey." His voice is soft, and that just seems to make you more upset. "What's wrong?"
You shake your head, keeping your gaze on your shoes. "Nothing, I'm fine."
"Bullshit." You sigh as you look away from your shoes. He definitely is the most stubborn person you've met, and you're best friends with Jean.
"It's true. There's nothing wrong," you repeat. "Now, I'm pretty sure you'd rather be with your friends than with me, so you can go." You wipe your face with your sleeve, sniffling again which doesn't help your case.
"Look at me and say that." You feel yourself clench your hands into fists at his stupid fucking persistence, looking up at him, and you refuse to believe that you see his face soften when you look at him. "What the hell happened?" he asks, and you shake your head again.
"Like I told you, it's nothing. You wouldn't care." This is what you tell yourself, you're pretty sure it's the truth anyway. There's no way he would actually care about how you're doing.
"Where'd you get that from?" he questions in disbelief, and you scoff as you look back down at your hands, flexing your fingers as you relax them.
You shrug. "I don't know. It's just something I assumed."
"Well, it's a stupid assumption," he tells you before he sighs. "Come on, let's go." You look up at him, raising your eyebrows. "Tell whoever's picking you up that I'm taking you home." You scoff again as you shake your head.
"Eren, I already told you, I'm fine. I don't need you treating me like a baby," you respond, your words coming out more aggressive than you wanted.
"Come on, Y/N, you know I don't look at you that way. Now, let's just go." You roll your eyes as you look in the opposite direction of him, cursing yourself when you feel more tears brimming your eyes.
"I'm pretty sure you'd rather hang out with your friends than me. They're more important than I am." You didn't realize how self-deprecating you got in your head when you tried to get over your stupid crush.
"Who told you that?" He sounds angry now, and you can't hold the tears in anymore, more falling down your face as you shake your head.
"No one." I did. You try to hold back the sob rising in your chest, but it slips out, and you suddenly feel a hand on your wrist pulling you up from the bench before an arm is around your shoulders, leading you out of the school.
You find yourself sitting at that same booth in the ice cream parlor, this time barely putting a dent in your ice cream. "You can start on the work now. Just get a little bit done while you sit here," Eren says, and you shake your head, giving him a small shrug.
"No, I'll probably just wait till I get home. I'm sure you've got somewhere else to be, don't wanna hold you up."
You don't look up when he leans forward, resting his arms on the table. "Who's telling you all this shit?" You can't help but feel pathetic. You can't say yourself because then you'll feel even more stupid.
"No one, it doesn't matter." You put a spoon of ice cream in your mouth to stop you from saying anything else. You glance at him, and you know that he can tell that you're not telling the truth or that there's something else underlining your words, and you hate how much of an open book you are.
"Seriously, Y/N, do the work. I have nothing else to do." He leans back in the booth, eating some of his ice cream to emphasize his point, and you sigh heavily before you slide your ice cream to the slide and start pulling out the stuff you need to start on the toughest thing you currently have to deal with.
You're actually pretty immersed in your work, your notebooks and binder spread out all over the table, pens and colored pencils littering the surface, and you just happen to look around to see a pencil in Eren's hand. He seems pretty focused, and you chew on your lip nervously before you set your pencil down, flexing your fingers that are starting to hurt.
"What are you doing?" you ask cautiously, and he looks up at you through his lashes before he lifts his head up.
"Drawing," he responds easily, and you nod, remembering how Jean said that he had started to take it up.
"Drawing what?" you push softly, and he responds with an easy shrug.
"Stuff, I guess," he responds, and you raise your eyebrows as you give him an easy smile.
"Can I see?" He easily slides the book over to you, and you pick it up, setting it on top of your stuff. Your eyes widen when they land on the different sketches spanning across the two pages you're looking at. "You're amazing," is the first thing that comes out of your mouth, and you're really at a loss for words.
You didn't know what you were expecting, but they're way better than what you thought. "I would hang these up in my room," you say, and you keep your attention on the drawings as you hear him chuckle softly.
"I don't think they're that good," he contradicts, and you scoff as you look up at him.
"Are you kidding me? You're seriously amazing," you emphasize before passing the book back to him. "What?" you ask when you notice that he's staring at you.
He hesitates for a second, not saying anything as he looks down at the table before looking back at you. "Can I draw you?"
You blink in surprise before you let out a depreciating chuckle. "You wanna draw an ugly girl with dried tear tracks on her face?"
"I want to draw a girl who is not ugly, and who is going to finish her project and get the best grade in the class," he counters quickly, and you chew on your lip softly as you try to fight the heat rising to your face.
"If you want to," you respond softly. "What do you want me to do?" you ask, fiddling with the pencil in your hand nervously.
"Just keep doing what you're doing." You respond with a small nod before turning back to your work, feeling a little bit weird now that Eren's watching you, but you're soon back to being absorbed into your work, nearly forgetting that he was drawing you in the first place.
Eren decides to leave once you have most of your project drafted, almost ready to work on the final result. "Can I see that drawing?" you ask as you pack your backpack up.
"It's really bad," he says, and you roll your eyes just as you zip up your bag.
"I know that's not true," you object, and he chuckles softly before sliding out of the booth.
"I'll show you one day. Come on, let's get you home," he says, nodding his head towards the door, and you walk out of the ice cream parlor feeling a lot lighter than when you came in.
^^^
The end of your freshman year of high school passed in a blur even though you swore you had those weeks where it felt like it took forever for them to end. You barely made it through your exams unscathed, your brain feeling like it had been fried ten times over, but now you had the summer to look forward to.
Eren had a graduation party, and the only reason why you were there was that Jean got to invite some of his friends because his mom didn't want him to feel left out. You two were the only ones there though, most of them not wanting to be surrounded by a bunch of former seniors or either having things to do.
You went to obviously hang out with Jean, but once more people started showing up, that's when you realized that this probably wasn't the best idea. You and Jean were able to take refuge in his room for the time being, and you couldn't go to your house because Jean's mom was making him stay for at least a couple of hours.
Jean wasn't happy about it, so you listened to him complain for at least an hour about that before he switched the subject onto you. He started asking you about your relationship with Eren, and he wasn't happy when you told him that sometimes he would take you to get ice cream. "What's so wrong with it?" you ask, and he just shrugs.
"I just don't like it," he replies, making your frown deeper. "Do you like him?" The sudden question makes you jump slightly, and you try to mask the nervousness in your chuckle.
"What do you mean? Like if I--"
"Y/N," he cuts you off, his voice telling you there's no point in beating around the bush, and you sigh heavily as you pick at the side of your cup.
"No? I don't..." you trail off, not really knowing how to answer. "It doesn't matter," you conclude.
Eren causes your feelings to be all over the place. One moment, you're fine, it's like you're over him, and then he'll do something like bringing you to the ice cream parlor to make you feel better, and then those feelings explode all over again.
"I'm going to get something to drink," you say, quickly standing up and walking out of his room. You maneuver through the mass of people, the house seeming to be stuffy from how many people are inside, probably due to the heat outside.
You slide past a bunch of people before you decide that you need a breather. You make your way to the back door, sliding it open just enough for you to fit through before closing it behind you. You release a sigh that slumps your shoulders when it feels cooler outside than it does inside. You walk away from the view of the door, leaning against the house so that no one can see you.
You're about to sit down when you hear voices coming from the side of the house. You make your footsteps light as you tiptoe across the deck, and you keep your back against the wall as you look around the corner, feeling an uneasy feeling settle over you when you see Eren talking with his friends.
Eren and Will are sitting next to each other in cheap lawn chairs while Porco leans against the wall, cigarette lit in his mouth. The conversation is nothing to really pay attention to, but once you rest your head against the wall, out of their sight is what catches your ears. "You ever get that whole crush thing sorted out with Y/N?" Will asks the question, and you can feel your heart starting to pound.
"Yeah, she said it wasn't true," you hear Eren respond and a scoff follows it.
"Yeah, right. Don't tell me you believed that." It's Porco that speaks this time, and you bite your lip as your hands dig into the brick against your back. "It was so obvious, it's almost sad."
"Like I said, she denied it," Eren repeats, and you want to leave, but your feet are glued to the ground.
"And then you were hanging out with her," Porco continues. "Like you had a crush on her, too," he jokes.
"Fuck off, man," Eren says. "I was only nice to her because she's Jean's best friend. Trust me, that's the only reason why I put up with her."
You think you physically feel your heart break. The tears are brimming in your eyes, and they spill as you turn in the opposite direction towards your house, your walking soon turning into running, not stopping when your parents ask you what's wrong, and you close your door, locking it before pulling the covers over yourself and crying so hard, you fall asleep.
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Coming up with a lie to tell your parents wasn't easy, you roping in Jean to help you, and you both just said that you had gotten into a meaningless fight, but you're fine now. Jean was livid when you told him what happened, but you told him not to do anything. For one, Eren was way bigger than him, and two, Eren was about to leave so there was no point.
Jean only came to your house to hang out, and you never stepped foot back into Jean's house until Eren had left for college. Sometimes Eren would text you, but you never looked at it. You would swipe the notification away, and slowly the texts stopped coming in.
You obviously knew that it could never work between the two of you, but why did he have to say that about you? Was that true? You didn't want to believe it, but he seemed so serious that it makes you cry all over again. It just makes all of those moments you had together mean absolutely nothing, and it makes you want to punch the memories out of your head.
You didn't go see him when he left, you telling your parents that you weren't feeling that well, and Jean came over to tell you that he was gone. It took you a lot longer to get over him than you wanted, but you made sure to distract yourself for the whole summer, and Jean helped you.
You didn't tell anyone else what happened and neither did Jean, and even though it caused a deep wound, you were slowly but surely starting to heal, and Eren deciding that he wasn't going to come back often made it easier for you.
You didn't have to see him ever again, and you used that to aid in your healing process.
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|Chapter 16|Masterlist|Chapter 18|
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fandom-obessesive · 4 years
Text
I Never Told you
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Paul lahote x reader
A/n: this is my first imagine, y/g means your gender(if you have one, if not that’s cool too) any criticism are welcome, please let me know if there are any spelling errors, something doesn’t sound right, is unclear, or doesn’t make sense, other than that, this is part 1 and I hope you enjoy:)
Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
warning: none
Word count: 1292
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You and Paul had been best friends since middle school, having been paired up to do a project and slowly growing closer as time went on. In the blink of an eye, you were in highschool and the pair of you were thick as thieves. Every Saturday you spent the day together, ordered food, and did anything under the sun. Never being able to pinpoint when exactly it happened, you realized that your feelings for the goof you called your best friend, weren’t feelings you typically had for someone who held that title, or you wanted to hold that title for that matter. You didn’t say anything though, never thinking he would feel the same. Those feelings got locked down deep inside you, but could never be forgotten. From protecting you from admirers who couldn’t take a hint, to cheering you up with candy and bad movies, to spontaneous adventures at 3 in the morning, how could you not fall for him. He was absolutely everything you could ever want in someone to spend forever with. He was all you ever needed or wanted, even if that meant just being friends. He was there, so you were content and all was well.
Until, he wasn’t.
It wasn’t abnormal for him to skip school every once in awhile, or take a bit to respond to texts, so when Monday rolled around and he wasn't there, there weren’t really any alarms going off in your head; you figured he slept in, or went on another one of his little adventures and forgot his phone, or maybe his charger, so you just got his homework and the notes and headed over to his. Paul lived alone for the most part, his dad away on business trips and his mom having disappeared when he was little, so when no one answered, you once again thought nothing of it. Simply went in with the spare key and left the papers where you knew he would see when he got back with a note telling him to message you when he could.
The next few days he still hadn’t responded and yes, of course you worried but considering none of the papers you dropped off were touched when you went over, you naively assumed he was still out on a little adventure.
Only when passing by two girls gossiping in the hall about having spotted him with the infamous Sam Uley in some cut off shorts, a matching tattoo, and looking much more bulky than he had been a few days prior, did the alarms start going off.
Speeding down the road and making it to his house in record time, you didn’t spend more than a minute waiting for a response before storming in. The house remained vacant, and unlived in. Leaving with no proof to confirm or deny the rumors or your assumptions, you started to drive back home. Paul continued to be missing and unresponsive the rest of the week, with the rumors getting worse, some accusing the two of starting a cult, others of drug abuse, some both, the bottom line was that he wasn’t there and you were reaching your breaking point.
Saturday, you and Paul never missed your Saturday hangouts unless it was an absolute emergency. Saturday he would either fix this or you knew the rumors, even partly, were true. If he just came back to you, everything would be okay, and you would forget this entire week ever happened.
At least that’s what you told yourself.
Friday night, you did not sleep. All night, you waited for a call or text. You sat in a chair by the door and waited for him to show up, you even drove over to his house to bang on his door a few times.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, another Saturday, and Sunday. Still missing, still unresponsive, and still you were alone. Having almost become a shell of a person after two weeks of radio silence, seeing him walk in that next Monday morning almost had you crying tears of joy. Until he walked right by you, ignored you the entire day, blocked your number and anything else he could, and you returned home to find everything you had either given him, made him, or left at his house on your front porch with a note asking you to do the same. Then they were tears of heartbreak. What had you done to deserve this. You wracked your brain a million times trying to think of anything you had done or said to warrant this behavior. You didn’t return his stuff like asked but thought if he wanted it bad enough he would come get it himself, maybe then you’d get an explanation.
Missing the next few days of school not knowing how to cope with what had happened, a few friends messaged you asking if you were alright, and to give you the homework, notes, and all sorts of updates about things going on. They mostly only got one word replies and thank yous. You ended up going back to school Thursday. Not really speaking to anyone, you kept to yourself most of the day, and ignored the eyes that seemed to follow you everywhere you went. When lunch rolled around you sat with a few of your friends, mostly distracted with funny tumblr memes and avoiding the eyes that seemed to be burning holes into you the entire time. It wasn’t until someone cleared their throat that you looked up. Chase Westin. Someone that Paul did not like one bit, you never really understood why, he was a pretty okay guy. He motioned to the chair next to you asking to sit.
‘This oughta be interesting’ you thought as he sat down.
“What’s going on” you asked, shutting your phone off.
Rubbing his neck “Just wanted to see how you were doing, I heard what happened with Paul, figured you could use a friend” he said cringing at himself.
The grimace on your face didn’t go unnoticed at the mention of your former long time friend.
“Shit happens, one moment everything’s fine, and the next your best friend goes missing for two weeks, joins a cult, starts doing drugs, and wants nothing to do with you…that’s just life for you I guess” you chuckled humorlessly.
“Well….if there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know” he quickly pulled out his phone, trying to seem nonchalant about it. ”why don’t I get your number so you can text me...ya know, if you wanted to” You thought about it for a second before grabbing his phone and creating a new contact for yourself.
“Would you actually want to hang out this Saturday, I’m kind of sick of spending it alone” the thought of being alone again on Saturday almost made you sick to your stomach. His face lit up, excited at getting to spend more time with you. You started to get up, only having a few minutes until the bell rang
“Yea-“ the sound of a chair screeching back and slamming into something resulting in a few yells of surprise and most of the eyes in the cafe, you turned around to see a seething Paul Lahote, looking like he was about to maul a confused and slightly terrified Chase. He only stopped trembling when he looked at you, seemingly in a trance of some sort, before snapping out of it and storming out of the cafe.
“Weirdo” Chase muttered under his breath, as the bell rang and all the students started leaving for their next class as well, but all you could do was stare after him wondering what the actual hell just happened.
———————————————————————
A/n: hope you guys enjoyed if you would like to be on the tag list, simply leave a 👋 down bellow, and part 4 will be up 7/9/20. Have a great day!
317 notes · View notes
hajimewhore · 4 years
Text
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Body Swap 👫 (Iwaizumi Hajime/Reader) ➸Rated T, fem!Reader, 1.6k words  ➷Humor, fluff, awkwardness ofc  ➷ Masterlist, Part 1, ✈Part 2
Thankfully, Hajime’s parents had busied themselves in the morning. Probably out grocery shopping, he’d mentioned off hand.
With Hajime the one blindfolding you now, you can finally place yourself in his shoes, an uneasy humiliation enveloping your bones.
“We can’t exactly dress each other everyday for school, can we?”
You mumble, as Hajime lets you tug the loose tee overhead. It seems he wanted little to do with this dress up game scenario, while simultaneously attempting to save himself from the embarrassment of you catching an eyeful of his junk.
He pulls off the blindfold and stares with an uncomfortable expression and blush. You’ve been doing a lot of blushing today since... well, since you woke up in each other’s bodies.
“I guess not. But I’ll respect your body, don’t worry.”
He huffs, folding his arms across his chest.
A short gasp comes from his lips, clearly not used to having a set of breasts, and he pulls his arms away quicker than you’ve probably ever moved yourself. Hajime awkwardly settles for resting his hands at his hips, and you stifle the snort that threatens to escape.
“I trust you, Hajime. Don’t worry. And same goes for me! I won’t eat junk food before bed, and I’ll work out a lot too!”
You announce while fist pumping the air, and he rolls his eyes.
“You better. Come on, let’s go before my mom and dad get back.”
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A lot of changes had to be made to accommodate your... new lifestyle.
You decided it was best to swap phones, considering you each have the same model and should probably be conversing with your classmates and friends with some sort of vague continuity.
You also had a rather short lived and awkward conversation about bathroom time and changing.
And on the way to the park, you discussed the people you each talked with the most in class, how to talk to them, and to take notes properly.
You’re thorough if anything, trying to make this awful situation as easy as you can possibly make it.
“This is exhausting... and we haven’t even gotten to play volleyball yet.”
You bounce the volleyball in the grass, huffing at the torture this body swap is turning out to be.
“At least you can spike, and have a mean serve. It would have been way worse for me if you were a libero.”
At least Hajime is looking on the bright side.
“We just have to get used to our bodies.”
You attempt to reason alongside him, amping each other up.
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By the time the sun sets, you’re both panting in the grass next to each other. All former encouragements and hype lost, replaced by the dread of the coming Monday.
“We’re so fucked, I’m not used to being this tall, or having these limbs.”
You wave your arms around in the grass for emphasis, turning to gaze at your partner in this disaster.
“I feel like I’ve been launched back to middle school, it’s hard to get used to being short again.”
Hajime hums in agreement.
“I’m not that short! You’re just tall!”
“Not that tall!”
He grimaces, and you think you hear him mutter something about one more centimeter.
Before you can delve back to wallowing in misery, Hajime speaks up again,
“Whatever, we actually started doing pretty good by the end. It’s not the level we’re usually at, but I’m sure we can fake it in practice well enough. Chalk it up to being sick or something. We’ll be back to normal soon enough.”
Sitting upright, he musters a confident look that warms your chest. You’re glad he’s being optimistic, pushing away the negative thoughts that keep rearing up.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Now let’s get food, I’m starved.”
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“Agedashi tofu is the best after practice.”
He’s gleaming, and you think it looks more natural on your face than the stern countenance that seems trademark to Hajime. Though, you do miss the rare occasions you got too see that expression on his normal face... so you make a mental note to take plenty of happy face selfies while you’re in this body.
You can’t help the soft laugh, imagining all the faces you could make in Hajime’s body he wouldn’t be caught dead making normally. When he eyes you warily, you shake your head and respond before he catches on to your plan.
“The katsudon here is way better, you’re crazy.”
You grin, mouth watering as you bring a pork cutlet to your lips.
When you bite in, it turns out to be less satisfying than you remembered. 
‘Weird, this place has really good katsudon.’
When you peer over at Hajime, he seems to be sharing a similar dilemma.
“How is it?”
You tilt your head up, gazing cautiously at him.
“It’s... okay.”
He frowns, can he seriously not enjoy agedashi tofu right now? Or was it just made bad?
“Right. Same here.”
The two of you pause, stewing for a second at the disappointment of your favorite meals, before both having the same idea to swap plates.
When you bite into your newly swapped dishes, you both simultaneously break out into wide grins.
“Whaaat, this is so good!”
“’katsudon’s not so bad either.”
You burst out into laughter, 
“I guess our tastes have been swapped too.”
“I was beginning to think this would just be a nightmare. But there’s some fun things involved.”
Hajime hums, taking another hearty bite from the katsudon. You smile at his enthusiasm, before returning to your dish.
 You continue to idly chatter about things that might be important to know, before walking home together.
When you reach the end of the street, Hajime almost makes the mistake of turning to the Iwaizumi residence. When he freezes, you realize you were equally ready to freely waltz into your own house.
You both awkwardly switch sides on the sidewalk, silently acknowledging the blunder with a light laugh.
“I’ll text you if I think of anything else. Have a good night,” you pause, “Y/N!” 
You wink at him, chuckling at the sour expression. If you thought referring to yourself as Hajime was weird, it’s even more unsettling to call yourself by name.
Hajime rolls his eyes before waving goodbye.
“Yeah yeah... Hajime. See you tomorrow.”
The interaction certainly is odd, but you laugh with a grin nonetheless. Despite the fucked up situation, it’s kind of cool to have a secret to share with Hajime.
You just hope it isn’t permanent.
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When Hajime turns to the your household, he feels the nervousness come back full force.
The two of you spent all day with each other, not really worried about a stranger’s perception of them.
But now he has to deal with the people closest to you, your parents. And he’s actually quite fond of your parents, they’ve always treated him like the son they never had (as well as Oikawa), but he’s not exactly looking forward to living out their wish for a son vicariously through you.
He swings open the door, kicking his shoes off before stepping inside.
“I’m home!”
‘Remember to be enthusiastic, and keep that RBF in check!’ he hears your insistent reminder echo in his mind, almost catching himself scowling.
“Welcome back darling! Did you eat?”
He hears your mother’s voice from the kitchen.
“I had something to eat with Hajime.”
He sweats a little, your mom is oddly calculated, always in tune with your emotions. Sometimes even his, but there’s no way she’d figure out what was going on, right?
“Good. If you get hungry later, there’s left overs.”
He calls out a thanks, almost sighing in relief, looks like the panic was for nothing. 
Hajime casually (yet so, so, eagerly) heads for the stairs.
“Where are you going? Aren’t you going to say hi to Tooru? He and his mother came for dinner!”
WHAT.
“Y/N-chan! You and Iwa-chan were hanging out today? We’re you practicing volleyball?”
As if on cue, Oikawa rounds the corner and cuts Hajime off at the stairs, eyeing the athletic attire he’s wearing,
“I have something I want to practice more, you should’ve texted me.”
He huffs, arms folded as he leans against the stairway’s frame. Clearly a trick, Oikawa blew up both of your phones all day long despite being told you were busy. Hajime resists the urge to scowl at the backhanded comment. Brat.
Wait a second... how exactly do you talk to Oikawa again? Hajime should know, he’s spent a majority of his life with the two of you, but he’s currently drawing blanks.
He seems to have wracked his brain a little too long for a normal interaction, as Oikawa’s eyeing him again with an inquisitive look.
“Sorry... Tooru. You were sleeping in, and we both just happened to wake up early. Besides, you shouldn’t be practicing so much.”
He’s glad he didn’t let the ‘Shittykawa’ slip, that wouldn’t have been on brand for you at all. Out of habit though, he did punch Tooru in the arm.
“Yow! So mean, why are you hitting me?!”
Oikawa cries out, looking utterly scandalized as he rubs the sore spot on his arm.
“Because you deserve it.”
Hajime rolls his eyes, hopefully you won’t become aware of this interaction or he’ll get an earful from you. He’s still slightly convinced he’s an innocent bystander affected by some sort of cosmic punishment on Oikawa Tooru.
“Are you mad at me?!”
Hajime ignores Oikawa’s cry of complaint, jogging up the stairs. It’s hard being you, he grimaces as he beelines for the safety your room.
Finally in the comfort of privacy, he collapses into your sheets with a sigh of relief.
It could barely be considered a conversation with your mother, and Oikawa, but he’s already feeling mentally exhausted from the social exchange.
And tomorrow marks the start of the school week. Great.
Hajime slumps into your absurd amount pillows (seriously, you only need one). If he feels a little disappointed that he can’t recognize your scent anymore, he certainly doesn’t admit it, and definitely doesn’t entertain the intrusive thought longer than a moment.
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A/N: I’m actually having so much fun with this au it’s adsklag;hj, I just like to watch my faves suffer in a chaotic mess I can not lie
Masterlist, Part 1, ✈Part 2, Part 3​
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themalhambird · 3 years
Text
Growing Up Broken: I Talk About My (A)sexuality For 4 ¼ Pages.
I am asexual.
No, this doesn’t mean that I’m some form of plant budding off copies of myself if I get enough water and sunlight. It’s a shame. I could do a lot with multiple copies of myself- get someone else to do the dishes, the cleaning, my schoolwork…
I am asexual.
Asexuality is the absence of sexual desires or feelings for other people. I say absence deliberately: sexual attraction is not something that I lack or am missing. I am not going without. I’m just a 23 year old who has never once felt the desire to have sex with another person, who couldn’t describe how it feels to “fancy” someone if there was a gun to their head, who thinks women and men and anyone in between can sometimes be stunningly beautiful, would possibly be nice to cuddle- but kissing on the mouth seems like it would be a really weird thing to do.
I am asexual, and it’s almost Pride Month, and so I want to untangle some of the thoughts in my head and spin them out on to paper, to try and lay out my feelings about my sexuality, or lack thereof, and what it’s like growing up when no one bothers to tell you that not experiencing sexual desire like, ever, is a thing. Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?
It’s 2014. Puberty has doing stuff to me for the last two years or so: periods (urgh), breasts (neat!), underarm hair (why do I have to shave this? no one’s gonna see it), growth spurts (I’m getting taller than my older sister. I want to keep going till I’m taller than mum). The only thing not happening is wanting to have sex, something the nurse who came to Talk To Us All About Growing Up back in 2009 assured us Year Sixes would definitely happen as soon as puberty hit.
Still. It’ll happen soon, probably. Sixteen is still a bit too young to be having sexual feelings, right? The boys…really not interesting at all, but the other girls are pretty. I like their hair. I like the shape of their bodies. I just don’t fancy any of them. When we’re told to imagine our future husbands or wives in class (don’t ask my why, I’ve long forgotten the point of the exercise, I just remember that) I picture a wife.
(Lesbian is the first label I apply to myself. I stick it on tentatively- keep peeling it off my shirt and putting it back somewhere different like I’m not quite sure where it fits. It’s not wrong, necessarily. I’m just not certain it’s right. I like girls a whole lot better but I’m not saying I could never love a guy. I’m just not attracted to them. I’m not attracted to women, either- but I feel like I will be. When I’m old enough to feel that kind of thing. )
Sex Ed lessons are mortifying. We’re asked to list all the sexual terms we know on an A3 sheet of paper. I don’t know what half the things other people say mean- blowjob, 69, masturbate, porn . I don’t know how other people know these things either. We’re sixteen. It’s too young.
That summer I play Sebastian in an abridged version of Twelfth Night and it convinces me to take Drama at A-level, although I didn’t at GCSE. The drama classes teach me two things. First of all, I don’t like acting women. I prefer breeches rolls. I don’t know why. We’re talking about my asexuality, not my gender confusion, so let’s put a pin in that and move on to point two. My drama class teaches me that everyone my age is having sex, or wants to have sex, or is planning on having sex soon; sex is a constant, every class, every conversation. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. So apparently sixteen (seventeen) isn’t too young after all.
It’s like this. One day you wake up and you realise that everyone else is speaking a language you don’t understand. Suddenly, sexual feelings aren’t something that no one your age is having but you’ll all develop soon- it’s that sexual feelings are something that everybody your age is having apart from you. People your age are dating, kissing, fucking, and it’s not something you’re interested in doing, necessarily, but you still feel so horribly left out. Like you’re missing some kind of major milestone. You try not to let it bother you- you watch Buffy every Monday you get to see your dad. (You watch loss of virginity be portrayed as growing up). You read. (The books you pick up all involve love and love always seems to at least imply sex). You- google things. You google the words you didn’t understand in that sex ed class. You google “how to tell if you’re attracted to someone” in case there’s some secret signal your body sent you that you missed. You feel like you should know if you’ve ever felt sexual attraction but then maybe you’re just really, really dumb. Maybe there’s something wrong with you. The NHS website reckons that if you’ve got a low sex drive you ought to see a doctor. The girls in your drama class keep talking about boys and sex and sex and boys and you aren’t really interested in either of those things. You cling to the thought, lesbian and hope that when you get to university, you’ll stop being so repressed. Girls are pretty- but the ones at school are either your friends or kind of mean. Of course you don’t fancy anyone there. University. University will save you. (Boys are sometimes pretty too. There are boys at school whose personalities are nice enough- who are the type of man you wouldn’t mind dating one day maybe- but you can’t ever picture yourself having sex with one. Dicks seem weird and really not the kind of thing you’d want inside you. I mean for fuck’s sake- why? You can’t even get a tampon in.)
I don’t like looking back on this. Sixteen, seventeen year old me was starting to get pretty freaked out. I like looking back at the first year of uni even less, because if seventeen year old me was freaking out, eighteen year old me was buying alcohol. That’s how it goes, right? Sex and alcohol. You see it all the time on T.V. Fictional people get fictional drunk and fictional cheat while they’re on fictional breaks with their fictional partners. David Tennant is pretty. A man at work is handsome and more importantly intelligent, into Shakespeare, into good conversation. The label switches from lesbian to ‘bisexual but heavily skewed toward women’ and I cling to that as tightly as possible because after that, I’m out of options. It is impossible that I’m not feeling sexual attraction: the whole world screams about sexual fucking attraction all the fucking time, I’m obviously just too uptight, I obviously just need to relax-
I once drank a whole bottle of wine in what was essentially one go. I paused for breath, but that was about it- I don’t think I even bothered with a glass. My goal was to get myself drunk enough that I could feel sexual attraction. I thought that the best way to go about things- to finally ‘grow up’- would be to get super drunk, and then leave the flat and find someone who would screw me. I reasoned that I would enjoy it once I was doing it- after all, the whole world pushes sex as this wholly desirable thing for any normal adult to want, even need- so I would like it once I was doing it and then I would be fixed. Fortunately, drinking a whole bottle of wine when you’ve never had more than a single glass of champagne or a couple of glasses of rum and apple juice before in your life gets you past “lowered inhibitions” to “can’t walk straight or upright” very quickly. I got as far as the bathroom, threw up, a lot, and staggered back to my room. I woke up at 3 pm the next afternoon feeling stupid for drinking, and mad at myself for still being a virgin.
I had a lot of problems in my first year of university and not all of them were about my sexuality crisis. I was isolated, fairly friendless, and not really cut out for socialising with my housemates who were probably all lovely people, but I find new people painfully difficult and hiding away seemed easier. But the feeling that there was something broken inside me because I wasn’t experiencing what everything seemed to be telling me was one of the most vital parts of the human experience- sexual attraction to other people- contributed to my general feelings of self-loathing and disgust. I attempted to induce sexual desire in myself by drinking on several further occasions, although never quite to the same extent as the first time. I’m not sure whether this counts as self-harm, but it certainly wasn’t healthy.
I didn’t know asexuality was a thing.
I knew I wasn’t straight- I’d known that for a while. I learnt that I enjoyed reading, talking, even writing about sex, as long as it was sex between people who weren’t real, but fantasising about fictional characters having sex and fantasying about myself having sex are two very different things. The former happened fairly frequently. The latter didn’t happen once, and still never has. My second year at university was better than my first: I was living with friends, I was further away from campus which meant I had to walk more, which probably helped, I had also started to make several friends online with whom I could happily chat even when I wasn’t in the mood for ‘actual’ people. I used bisexual to describe myself because on the rare occasions I thought about romance, I couldn’t really see myself ruling out anyone who was willing to put up with me.
I’m not quite clear when I first heard the term ‘asexuality’. I became aware of it gradually. Someone I followed on Tumblr identified as ‘grey-ace’. Characters from my favourite fantasy series were being headcanoned as ‘asexual’. At some point I must have learnt properly what that meant.
It sometimes feels like there ought to have been a lightbulb moment- like I should have seen the word, seen the definition, and instantly seen myself. But it is very, very hard to delete the message- ‘sex is important- sex is what grown-ups do- sex is what you should want to do’ – that the world constantly sends to us: in advertising, in entertainment, in the conversations of a drama class that always circled back to that topic, to the detriment of the sole seventeen year old who wasn’t really bothered. To embrace asexuality seemed like I was giving up on trying to fix myself, on waiting for the right person to come and make everything better. On the potential of their being a right person. I can wrap my head around people having casual sex very easily. It’s romantic love without sexual desire that I’m scared won’t work- how am I supposed to know if it’s love without there also being physical attraction? No romance arc that I had ever seen was without an element of sexual tension. So, no lightbulb moment for me. No switch going off- “aha, at last, that’s what I am!”. Just a gradual thought washing across my mind every now and then, like the tide rushing up a patch of sand and drawing straight back, leaving only dampness to show where there had been a good half-inch of water only a moment ago.
I might be asexual?
And ‘I might’ becomes ‘I think I am’, and the tide starts coming in. ‘I think I am’ became ‘I am’ at some point or other.
I am asexual.
I find reassurance in knowing that there’s a word for what I am, for how I (do not) feel. I am asexual. Not broken, or damaged, or too uptight to properly feel, or too dumb to recognise what I do feel. I am asexual- I have an absence of any sexual desire for others and that’s perfectly okay. I might fall in love one day. I might not. I don’t know how you’re supposed to know if you have the capacity to fall in love before you find yourself doing it. It might be nice to have a wife. It would also be nice to have a cat. I could cope with it just being me, a cat, and good friends for the rest of my life. If I fall in love- if I am capable of falling in love- it will just mean I am asexual, but romantic, and I will have learnt something new about myself. The point is-
The point is, I am incredibly lucky that I stumbled across Asexuality before I got myself hurt trying to force something that wasn’t there. The point is, this world assumes that sexual desires are the norm, and maybe they are, but that just makes it all the more important that people know that they aren’t abnormal for not experiencing sexual desire. To all the people who need to hear it: You are not broken. You are not alone.
I’m not sure how to wrap this up. I feel like I should say something profound or something. But I think I’m just gonna leave it like this:
I am asexual. Asexuality is the absence of sexual desires or feelings for other people. I say absence deliberately: sexual attraction is not something that I lack or am missing. I am not going without. I’m just a 23 year old who has never once felt the desire to have sex with another person, who couldn’t describe how it feels to “fancy” someone if there was a gun to their head, who thinks women and men and anyone in between can sometimes be stunningly beautiful, and possibly be nice to cuddle- but kissing on the mouth seems like it would be a really weird thing to do. I am not broken. I am not ‘going through a phase’ or ‘looking for attention’ or ‘trying to be special’. Everyone’s special, fuck you. Knowing that I am not the only person to feel how I feel makes me feel like I’m standing on solid ground. May all people experiencing the same confusion and distress over their sexual orientation that I felt growing up find their way safely to the same solid ground: you are not broken. We’re not broken.
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