#and i dont even like her anymore like shes become really like..pushy? and she thinks getting drunk is a personality trait

[thewertsearch]

AC: :33 < sorry to bother you again! AC: :33 < is AC: :33 < um [...] AC: :33 < he available? [...] TT: What is the name of this mystery fellow you seek? AC: :33 < aaaaa youre just teasing me now! AC: :33 < i f33l bad about bugging you about it [...] AC: :33 < i miss pounce a lot :(( AC: :33 < and talking to him reminds me of her

Aw, Nepeta. :(

Still, there are ways to solve this. Maybe Rose could give her the code for Jaspersprite's pendant - or just give him his own computer, like Davesprite's iShades.

You won't need it anymore. It served you well. You suppose there are a lot of things you've outgrown, now that you think about it.

...his own computer, Rose! I said his own computer!

Rose is abandoning her primary communication device. Obviously she has others, but her attitude here is still making me nervous - especially considering how heavy-handed her phrasing is.

Who or what do you think you've outgrown, Rose?

JASPERSPRITE: Did you learn to play the rain rose? ROSE: Not yet, Jaspers. ROSE: It's a little complicated, but I believe I've embarked on another quest, one which surpasses the scope of the objectives local to this planet.

I'm on record as being fully on board with Rose's skepticism about her Quest - but she should be equally skeptical about her new quest. Both are sponsored by suspicious entities with unclear motives, and I'm not sold on either of them.

ROSE: I'm saying there's something more important to accomplish now. Something more important than creating a universe. JASPERSPRITE: Oh thats ok rose i wouldnt want you to feel obligated to do that.

That's a strange sentiment, coming from Jaspers. Sprites generally echo the game's expectations for its Players, so it's odd that a game centered around fate, destiny and temporal obligation would tell Rose that her ultimate goal is optional. After all, she was made to create a universe.

Maybe Jaspers just loves Rose so much that he's on board with her rebellion, even though he doesn't understand it.

JASPERSPRITE: I think that winning this game and getting the prize is up to you and your friends. JASPERSPRITE: You get to decide whether or not you feel its right to do that and what kind of prize you want to make!

Is Jaspers implying that Sburb's prize doesn't have to be a universe? That winning the game can mean something else, instead?

Rose thinks her only options are to submit to the game's whims, or fight it tooth and nail. Perhaps that's a false dichotomy, and it's possible to fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum - some sort of alternate win condition that saves their doomed session.

Perhaps the game has recognized that Rose is a renegade, and it's trying to show her that things aren't so black and white. Maybe Sburb is signaling that it's willing to negotiate.

JASPERSPRITE: Its part of becoming who youre supposed to become i think.

Damn it! Just as I'm starting to wonder if Sburb is more flexible than we thought, it tosses this line at us.

I don't like this sentiment. It stinks of Alpha, and it's exactly the kind of thing that will piss Rose off. She's rebelling against what she perceives to be her destiny - the last thing she wants to hear is that there's someone she's 'supposed' to become.

JASPERSPRITE: I dont know i hope im not being too pushy rose its not my place to be im just your cat! JASPERSPRITE: But the thing that made me how i am now seems to really want me to say this to you. JASPERSPRITE: Your quest is really important for you to do. JASPERSPRITE: Not really because thats how to get the prize. JASPERSPRITE: But because its what you need to do for yourself!

This isn't about the universe, says Sburb.

This is totally bizarre. I thought it was all about the universe, and the game's Players were just the mechanism for creating them. Even the Quests are just extended tutorials on how to terraform planets.

Do the Players have another role to play?

JASPERSPRITE: I love you rose! I always have even when you were a little girl and i was an alive cat. ROSE: Thanks, Jaspers, that's nice to hear. ROSE: It's hard to remember, but I'm pretty sure I felt the same way back then. JASPERSPRITE: It was fun getting to be your cat again rose even if it was just for a little while and also while being a princess ghost. JASPERSPRITE: Bye rose! ROSE: See you, Jaspers! ROSE: If you see my mother in the course of your travels, tell her I said hello.

Alright, let's hit the pause button on the lore speculation. I need to grab some tissues :'(

[r0ttengxrl]

MY ABXY AU!! tw for not so good grammar

some of you guys may know this, but i had planned to make an au wish its about the members of abxy going to different bands after abxy dissbanded, i havent wrotte the story yet, but i do have most of the ideas in my mind! the au doesnt have a sad ending, but theres a LOT of angst because i love ruining the things that i love LOL...

so how does the story go like?

well it stars with raian discussing to their friends about quiting the band due their mental healt, the rest of the mebers dont take this very well because they think raian is a great leader, but raian doesnt see that because, uh oh! impostor syndrome! they star agruing and agruing more wish it gets violent pretty slowly... idk what raian is going to stay to shikaku but i had in mind that they say something that makes him angry wish that makes shikaku star shocking raians, dw he finally stops and he realizes that he should not have done that to his friend, raian doesnt have any majur injuries either, but the rest of the members are still traumatized about it and that makes everyone want to quit the band already.

how does the members feel about it?

well the situation really affected their mental healt negativly (i know i didnt wrotte that well but eh), all of them feel bad that things had to end up this way, but they star to feel better after years have passed.

shikaku feels guilty the most, he regrets almost killing raian and he had to go trough therapy to reduce his anger issues, the rest of the bandmates stopped being friends with him but they became friends again after they finally forgave him. he realizes that it was wrong of him for not taking his anger issues seriously before, but he tries to become a better person.

noiji is probably the most affected because he loved be in abxy in a very personal level, it also made him paranoid that if raian and paruko leave him (at some point he made paruko uncomftable because he kept asking her if she hated him). he is now very clingy to his bf raian because they are the person to loves the most, he also gets jealous when his bf is with other friends who are guys (because i hc raian as gay), but he tries his best to not think that raian doesnt longer love him. noiji's persoanlity changed, now he is more depressed than expected.

paruko was really traumatized when she saw shikaku almost killing raian, she is mad at the rest of the bandmates because she think its their fault... (shikaku for being violent to raian, noiji for being pushy with raian when they forst joined and raian for not saying that they wanted to quit before), but she is also upset to herself because she tought she should not have joined a band at a very early age knowing how fame can affect young teens and how creepy fans can be. at some point she blocked noiji and stopped being friends with him because he kept spamming her. she does feel bad for raian a lot even though she is kind of mad at them and she wishes the best for them.

raian feels a bit guilty for making shikaku angry and for wanting to quit the band, but they just really wished the rest of their bandmates understood them before the fight stared. raian sometimes feels uncomfy with noiji, but they dont feel unsafe and they try to comfort him too since he understands how he feels, but there are times where their rellationship can get toxic and sometimes they wish that noijo would shut up. they also try to comfort paruko too since she doesnt trust shikaku and noiji that much anymore.

now where did the bandmates go?

they all joined to different bands based of their music taste and aesthetic, everyone seems happier being in different bands now (expect for noiji).

shikaku is not only a band but also in a lets play youtuber group since all of the mebers of that group love to make music too. their songs are mostly parodies of game franchises.

noiji is back in bari bari, the songs are lauder as ever but he still wishes that he still misses abxy. he also despites the rest of the members because they are idiots.

paruko is in a shibuya kei band where they make happy, relazing and chiptuny songs, most of their songs are based of cute stuff but there are times where they make sad songs. all of the members are anemones.

raian is now in a indie and experimental band where they make songs with depressing lyrics and they also make noise music too. the members dress "lazy" and some of them are barefoot since the theme of their band is being depressed. (so basicly the band is like nashimoto ui)

how does this au end?

well basiclly the members stared to realize that maybe it would be better to slove their problems and become friends again, this doesnt mean that abxy is back, BUT, they make a new EP of remixers of their songs but with the style of the music that these guys now make.

so yeah, thats pretty much it, i hope you guys liked it because i was thinking about making a comic of my au!

[holycowss]

Feb 26th 2024

I think I'm just a small person with a lot to say. I surprisingly always have a lot to say. So much so that, I think I actually might launch something close to a talk show because of it.

I try not to gossip too much, because I know it's a sin. But my downfall is knowing that I will never be perfect and still striving for it.

I believe this life experience is far too vast to keep enclosing in what is my mind. Far too vast for something so simple like a journal. I romantisize a journal and then eventually fall numb to it. I become used to it and it loses it's spark and my yearning to feed it everyday.

I am so happy I met Wendy, to me she glows brightly with wisdom and love and nurturing and assureness if that is even a word. But she has truly inspired me to embrace where I currently am in life.

I felt for the longest time I was a hamster in a wheel, just constantly running trying to accomplish the next big goal. Did I graduate high school? Did I get it done in three years? Did I get my AP credits? Did I get my associates degree by the time I planned on it? I took a pause in the middle before I transferred to University. I went to real estate school but all it taught me was that I didn't want to be an agent I wanted to be an investor. It seems I am never fully satisfied at entry level things. I guess the saying is true that I am a go big or go home kind of gal.

If it was a vet I figured, I can just be a human doctor. If it's a flight attendant, I figured I can be a pilot. I am never truly satisfied with where I am, just looking for the next big thing that will gain me praise and acknowledgement. What a sad way to life your life.

2023 really did a number on me. I made it through the whole year pushing through and doing life on my terms and boy was it challenging. Just a girl, her dog and her apartment. I was in a super toxic corporate work environment that made me cry every day before going in and made me just eager to get out.

~HOURS LATER~

I received a call from this number I texted that was from a facebook group and it somehow apparently is a social media influencer and a pilot for american airlines seemed way too good to be true he was super pushy and dominant and those guys are def worth staying away from idk my train of thought has been interrupted i dont even know what im talking about anymore bye

[plantsanddictionaries]

How to hide from your feelings 101: live in the library

[mkellc]

Umm hello! Only if you could and if it's not too much ask, could i request the hashiras seeing reader (who's also a hashira) as an older sibling figure?? I hope you are having an excellent day!

𝗵𝗮𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗿𝗮𝘀 𝘅 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗻 𝗼𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗶𝗴𝘂𝗿𝗲

characters: giyuu, shinobu, mitsuri, tengen, muichiro

wc: i dont know 💀

warnings: minor spoilers, none other than that

a/n: thank you so so so much for this request, it was so fun to write 💕🙏🙏

i tried to make reader gender neutral but i have not written that before so i’m sorry if it sounds weird?

also for some of the hashira, i found it was a little hard to see them as a younger sibling figure rather than an older one, but i tried to make it work sorry if it’s bad 💀

so sorry this is long overdue but i just remembered i was writing it lmfaoo

anyways i tried my best, i hope you like it!!

𝗴𝗶𝘆𝘂𝘂 𝘁𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗼𝗸𝗮

- giyuu’s older sister is dead, but you remind him so much of her (even if you aren’t a woman) so he admires you and sees you as the older sibling he couldn’t have

- the way you are so kind to him even though he’s quiet and reserved and rarely talks to anyone

- and you’re not pushy with having him talk to you, and you also give him space when you can tell he’s not in the mood to socialize, which he greatly appreciates

- but he does eventually open up to you and then you both become close

- you’re his shoulder to cry on

- he likes that he can tell you anything and you won’t judge him like the other hashira

- you’re also very kind and supportive

- he barely knows how to smile or feel anything anymore after losing so much, so the fact that you can make him smile and make him happy makes him look up to you even more

- you baby him because he probably never got that kind of affection as a child (unless he did? idk man)

- he thinks you are the best hashira, because you’re strong and also kind

- he just really appreciates that he has someone he can rely on and someone who will be there for him whenever he needs

𝗸𝗼𝗰𝗵𝗼 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗼𝗯𝘂

- similar to giyuu, her older sister is also dead

- and she has a younger sister to take care of

- and a façade to present to the rest of the word

- so she is very stressed

- but after getting closer with you, she allows herself let her walls down and she is so happy that you aren’t phased by her change of personality between you and everyone else

- she respects you and looks up to you so much, because she has never met anyone else more hardworking than her and she admires you for that

- and you always offer to help her with any work you can help with

- she just loves that she can have someone to just be herself around and that you don’t care about her personality changes and you just let her be herself

𝗺𝗶𝘁𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗶 𝗸𝗮𝗻𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗶

- mitsuri always wanted an older sibling, and you just have the exact demeanor that she always wanted from an older sibling

- she clings onto you as much as she can

- she loves long hugs with you because she just feels so safe and protected and feeling your arms around her just comforts her so much

- she loves it when you braid her hair for her because you know exactly how she likes it done and you guys talk and gossip while you do it

- she has so much love to give so she is a great younger sibling to you just as you are a great older sibling to her

- you guys are also are like the “if you even lay a finger on them i’ll kill you” kinda vibe

- she joined the demon slayers to find love and finding this kind of love was unexpected but very welcomed to her especially when you both care about each other so much

𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗻 𝘂𝘇𝘂𝗶

- you’re a wild card and he loves that

- you two have the best-friend-sibling dynamic that’s full of goofiness

- you’re like the cool older sibling that the younger siblings always wanted to and tried to be like

- you also hang out with his wives a lot and they love you, it’s great

- since tengen didn’t have good relationships with his siblings and most of them are dead the fact that he can have one with you is comforting and makes him happy

- he also greatly admires you as a hashira bc you’re strong or smart or whatever

- you guys always train together aswell and you give each other advice and tips and stuff

- you just hang out and it’s a ton of fun to be in each other’s presence

𝘁𝗼𝗸𝗶𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝘂𝗶𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗿𝗼

- he admires your dedication to being a slayer and a hashira

- over time you two have developed a great level of trust between each other so you both know whatever you tell the other, they won’t tell anyone else

- he really likes your company

- he follows you around a lot

- since he’s forgetful, you are the one who always helps him remember things

- he likes it when you tuck him in at night

- you two also have a kind of best friend sibling dynamic except it’s less goofy and more calm, but he is surprisingly sarcastic

- like you both have each other’s backs and both love spending time with the other and have some inside jokes but he doesn’t remember them so you gave up and now you just make jokes and stuff

- he really likes that you don’t treat him like a baby or a monster instead you’re just rlly nice to him

[palmett-hoes]

what's your take on the foxes mbti?

oh buddy ur never gonna believe this but i wrote a foxes MBTI post YEARS ago

im also not into mbti anymore and haven't been for many years so that post is probably still more accurate and in-depth than what i could give you now. i’m just gonna copy the whole thing but i read it over and it still totally vibes w how i understand the characters, like way more than i was expecting it to. i only made one edit (it’s marked) and it was to add a detail not change anything

i hope you’re really really into mbti otherwise this’ll probably be gobbeldegook

.

.

.

i used to be obessively into mbti so here’s an analysis based on cognitive functions mostly.

SKIP IF YOU WANT. for anyone with no idea how it works, here’s a quick rundown: cognitive functions are about the way people think, process, and prioritize information, not necessarily how they act, though people who think the same way often act the same. the 8 letters that make up a type represent how people process and prioritize internal and external stimuli. every letter actually has an ‘internal’ and 'external’ form so there’s Thinking (internal(ti) and external(te)), Feeling (internal(fi) and external(fe)), Sensing (internal(si) and external(se)), and iNtuition(internal(ni) and external(ne)) t’s always go with a corresponding and opposite f (like ti and fe always go together), same with s’s and n’s (ex: si and ne always go together). a set of  t, f, s, and n in a specific order makes an mbti type.

neil: intp (ti ne si fe)

neil has incredible analytical ability although it’s very programmed for survival but he’s also a fast thinker and very quick to adapt to new environments. he also approaches things from original angles that other people dont consider, all that sounds like high ti/ne. the lower functions fit well too. in times of stress, he returns to old habits and falls back on what’s familiar, that’s classic low si. his emotions are also very exterior. he’s bad with other people from lack of exposure, but he’s committed to harmony between those close to him and has an impeccable ability to read the emotional states of others while being completely oblivious of his own, and his sense of self is tied to exterior things like exy, friends, keys, and legal documents (lol) that’s fe

andrew: intj (ni te fi se)

ni is really hard to describe but it has to do with being able to draw conclusions from scattered input, which fits with andrew’s uncanny ability to spot lies and obsession with finding out the truth, especially with high te, which is about spatial order and logic, think of how prioritized he is with the physical order of things: who sits where, who wears what, etc. a lot of people want to make andrew infj i bet as like a “subversive reading” but he’s definitely not. i used to be really close to an infj and they have hyper-empathy, as in she would describe not just caring about other people and being able to read their emotional states but literally feeling the things the people around her felt. this is a common result of the ni/fe combo, and the reason why andrew is definitely not infj. tertiary fi fits very well instead because andrew is deeply attuned to his own inner emotional state. he’s self-confident and doesn’t care about other people’s perception of him, but he’s also very concerned with his own feelings and understanding them, even if they’re repressed. he’s also very aware of his physical surroundings, which plays into his deductive ability, although it’s not his focus. that’s low se

kevin: estj (te si ne fi)

kevin is a classic estj. he’s controlling, demanding, and driven. he tries to control the actions of those around him and gets very distressed when things dont run smoothly, as well as having strong feelings about improving efficiency. high te people make great managers. kevin’s whole story arc is about breaking old habits, which is a very si problem. it has to do with trusting and craving memory and familiarity, and explains kevins need for endless repetition. he’s innovative, though, coming up with new strategies and drills (ne), it’s just based on what’s already familiar, and you can see him spiral into creating all possible worst-case scenarios when he’s stressed (low ne stress reaction, they like to be prepared). finally, he’s a dick, but he cares about other people and wants to improve their lives, as well as being very reliant on other people’s perceptions of him to define his own self-image (low fe)

dan: esfj (fe si ne ti)

dan’s top priority, over everything else, is her team. she wants her team to improve, she wants her team to win, she wants her team to work together. it’s all about the collective. we also see that she’s very open with others and makes a lot of effort to both make new ties and maintain old ones, that’s high fe. she’s sentimental and attached to the past too (si)  esp the photo wall, but we also see her very unwilling to let go of the past ie the monsters but eventually willing to change and grow to mend team cohesion (ne). we also see the fight in underlying logic (low ti) with her: she knows the team needs the monsters to cooperate but she cant figure out how to do it

matt: enfj (fe ni se ti)

so enfj’s experience infj hyper-empathy too, but to a slightly lesser extent (primary fe is more group cohesion, secondary fe is more understanding others), and through this we see matt’s easy-going open friendliness and ability to befriend even prickly little neil, because he has an extremely good sense of what other people are feeling and need, it also explains why he doesn’t hold a grudge against the cousins in the same way dan does, because he understands where they were coming from. se is associated with a general boisterousness for life, as it’s about experiencing the world around you, which explains matt’s happy-go-lucky disposition and puppydog behavior. the ti aspects mostly go into supporting fe/ni empathic senses

allison: entj (te ni se fi)

i mean, allison’s controlling, both in that she orders other people around and in that her physical being and space are very planned and organized (her clothes, her hair, her makeup, etc) but at the same time there isn’t much sentimentality to her, like how she doesn’t care when her car was destroyed. she easily replaces things because she cares about the object’s purpose, not its history and that all smacks of high te/ni. and i mean, the se definitely contributes to her love of designer things and killer looks, because she cares about the world immediately around her, and why live if not in luxury? and fi? is there any character more aggressively self-confident than allison reynolds?? going against her parents’ wishes for her takes a really strong, independent sense of self, but we also see the problems that can come from not worrying about other people, in how she starts fights and can be abrasive and catty

renee: infp (fi ne si te)

okay this one was really hard tbh. a list of other considerations: isfp, istp, and infj. it’s very easy to read renee as high fe because she’s kind, but i think it’s a mischaracteration of why she’s kind. it’s not because it comes naturally to her, it’s because it’s a conscious choice that makes her feel better about herself. high fi people often read as fe because they’re so comfortable with themselves and in tune with their own needs that they can then go and provide for others. i associate her religion with ne, because contemplation and acceptance of the divine later in life is a very metaphysical undertaking that undoubtedly requires a lot of abstract thought. renee’s storyline also revolves a lot around using things from her past and putting a conscious effort into leaving things from her past behind (how she still uses the skills she learned from her past in new ways ie sparring with andrew and protecting the upperclassmen v/s how she held on to her knives even when she knew it was detrimental to her moving on) this sounds like si. her protective instincts also feed into the te need for order, but it’s a looser leash than say andrew, as it’s lower on her function stack but still present

nicky: esfp (se fi te ni)

godd nicky is like a prototypical esfp. i mean nicholas “sex, drugs, and parties” hemmick cant be anything but se dominant. nicky is all about living it up and living in the moment. like he’s sporadic and ive seen it lead people to think he could be enfp but he doesn’t think enough about the meaning of things to be ne dominant (like how he makes somewhat predatory jokes and such, he’s all about the here-and-now while ne is about the past and future simultaneously). also he of all characters has incredibly prominent fi, as his whole character is about living unashamedly as himself as a gay man and the immense self-awareness and inner strength it takes not only to come out to unaccepting parents but also to leave and start a new life when they rejected him. however, fi is also indicative of his communication problems with his family, as he’s unable to tell that the cousins are fundamentally different from him in their needs and boundaries, leading him to pushing them, making them uncomfortable, and being unable to help them, because he’s unable to understand them. the rest are much more hidden, but a party boy shopaholic like nicky would probably need some amount of te order in like an organized chaos fashion (and he’s often headcanoned as liking to throw parties) and you do see him become somewhat pushy, even controlling in those scenarios. ni is the hardest but could maybe be seen in how he’s attuned to the cousins reactions for all that he cant predict them/doesn’t do anything on his own part to prevent them (the way he handles andrew is like if someone poked a rattlesnake knowing damn well what it would do and then freaked out when he got bit)

aaron: istj (si te fi ne)

im a little iffy on this one and worry it might be an analysis based on his trauma instead of complimentary to it, but aaron’s arc is about breaking out of his habit of holding on to the past. he refuses to work towards moving on from his mother’s death, refuses to listen to things that contradict his preconceived notions, and refuses to make changes in his life that could improve it. that’s unhealthy si. he’s really a very unhealthy istj, and most of his traits manifest through his unhappiness with his life. take his te. that would imply that he needs control over his surroundings, but aaron is incredibly bitter and unhappy BECAUSE he doesn’t have control of his surroundings. he doesn’t get to make his own choices, he doesn’t get to control his space, and he hates it. his relationship with katelyn is also indicative of being an istj. it’s stable, not a passionate fling, but aaron is mocked for wanting that white picket fence, married with kids in the suburbs kind of life, and his relationship, which is his primary source of happiness, is built on stability, which is a very si thing to do. in terms of fi, it is aaron that ultimately forces change between himself and andrew. he may have been pushed but he ultimately came down to him knowing what made him happy and what made him miserable and acting on that. also, he’s an ornery asshole who clearly doesn’t care what other people think of him. fi. i dont really have anything to say in terms of ne, probably because he’s so unhealthy but also because he’s not too explored. heyy istj’s make great doctors

wymack: isfj (si fe ti ne)

okay this one was genuinely the hardest to decide on but ultimately i came to the conclusion that wymack, much like renee, is such a developed person that he loses many defining traits of the functions, and can be read in many different ways. so: wymack’s primary goal is the safety and betterment of other people (ie his team). he wants to help people overcome their pasts, which is a very atypical approach to si, but is si nonetheless. on a personal level, too, he’s never able to move on from people, and specifically never moved on from kayleigh,  continuing their shared dream of an exy team for abused kids long after her death. as ive said before, fe in a secondary position is about deep understanding of other people, and wymack’s ability to understand what other people are struggling through is legendary. the ti mostly serves as support to the fe, serving as the analytical backup in allowing him to understand others. as for ne: he is most definitely an innovator with unusual ideas, or the foxes wouldn’t exist

riko: estp (se ti fe ni)

riko is basically what happens when an estp goes bad down to the core. he’s obsessed with personal glory and immediate self-fulfillment (se) he has no impulse control or fear of consequences. interestingly, high se is often associated with athleticism, because high se people are intensly focused on their surroundings (exy). his ti is also super unhealthy as he gets obsessed with ideas that dont really work with objective reality, like his obsession with ownership and power dynamics despite them not actually being efficient, even backwards. the tertiary fe he uses to manipulate. he doesn’t empathize with others, but he can tell their emotional state and what’s important to them, and uses it to coerce them and destroy their sense of self, like how he knew he could get neil to the nest by threatening andrew. EDIT: /additionally, fe people especially in the lower half of the function stack tend to derive their sense of self from the perceptions of others around them, which riko very much shows in how he needs to be acknowledged as the best and won’t allow any competition for his title, as well as his desperation for acknowledgement from his family/. finally, that ni allowed him to keep multiple plans in place focused on one ultimate goal: getting kevin back. the sheer amount of schemes he sets up in order to fool and push people the way he wants is honestly kinda impressive, but he’s a toxic shithead and im glad he’s rotting. definitely not representative of all estp’s

.

.

.

this is honestly SO funny to read back a few years later bc HOOOOO boy was i way too into this stuff. and this was written a couple years after my Peak MBTI Obsession, which was honestly scary

[p1nkwitch]

Ok, i did not forget tmastuck is still alive, i just had lots of other ideas, but.

Here we go again. 3 conversations.

@nonbinaryeye

SINNAMONROLL started pestering BEATINGHEART

SR: How long Jonah?

BH: As long as it takes to reach the new session, then I can just leave if my presence is so annoying to you.

SR: Not what I mean and you know it. They are both looking for you. There are just so many times I can lie to their faces. So many times Kitty kat has to lie to her humans, she is sad Jonah.

BH: Do not put our child into this.

SR:...

BH:Ughhhh stupid cat brain.

SR: Still its actually bothering them.

BH: Oh and what should I do, let them find me? How do you think that would end? Hm? I basically took away their powers Barnabas, I let the institute- my institute get destroyed. There is no coming back from that.

BH: Then there is the whole other thing about not actually being anything that a copy!! What do I do with that?

SR: Look, I'm a copy too! I'm not the Barnabas Bennet that was, but I have his memories still. So what? I like this new life. This new chance!! You can have that too Jonah.

BH: We could…

SR: Oh Jonah we both know that it wouldn't work, we already tried and it fell apart. Its not me that you want anymore and I'm… more happy with just being friends this time around. It was stupid of us to even try again, i knew it, but i was just… lonely, heh. Neither is what the other wants. Not anymore.

BH: Maybe if we work on it! I could... try to change.

SR: No, no you won't, and honestly ? I don't want you to. Mistakes happen, otherwise we wouldn't keep falling into each other.

BH: Not all of it was a mistake, it couldn't have been!

SR: … Maybe, maybe not before, I will admit that, but you want more than I can give. That's not bad, it just means I'm not the one you should be getting it from. We worked before, but you have more memories of a life without me and you aren't the same person I loved then.

BH: If i'm not that, and i'm not Jonah, then who the hell am i?

SR: Well, that is really up to you I suppose. To figure it out. I… will keep them away still for a little bit more. But Jonah, I can't keep doing this forever. We are barely halfway through on the trip.

BH: So? Have you seen them, i- they are in love. God why would- i dont even know what else to say.

SR: Try, speak with them, figure out something. You are clever. I need to go, I'm supposed to play cards with Martin. Its funny, he reminds me of Jonathan…

BH: Im sorry.

SR: I know, but its not enough.

SR: Talk to you later ok?

BH: Sure.

SINNAMONROLL ceased pestering BEATINGHEART

BH: …

BEATINGHEART started pestering SPOOKYARCHIVE

BH: How are you holding on?

SA: … Not sure. Its weird.

BH: Breakups are always messy affairs.

SA: You would know wouldn't you?

BH: Rude, do you want me to leave Jon? Because I can. I'm fairly sure i'm the only one you are even talking with at this point.

SA: Not true, I speak with Daisy.

BH: Aha, how does that go for you?

SA: … Its ok, she tries to cheer me up and its… nice, but sometimes she insists on me to stop moping and well.

BH: Tiresome?

SA: Yes, so much. The other just don't want me near, and its- i dont even have my powers anymore, i thought- well i assumed that perhaps like this it would be better, but its like someone cut off something from me.

SA: Georgie tries, but if I mention anything regarding my powers she becomes upset. Melanie is… herself, that bridge got burned a long time ago. Basira.

BH: Ah the detective, she is… impassive i have come to understand.

SA: Yes, and it's confusing, because sometimes we can get along but others I just seem like the enemy. I'm starting to realize that perhaps it was always like that.

BH: Mm, how does that make you feel regarding what happened with Martin.

SA: I- god i was so stupid, i thought we could just be better now that i was cut off, that we could be together but it became obvious that we had two different views of things and it was always grating, I could overlook it, but Martin did not. And it- its not a break up just some time to think.

BH: Jon.

SA: Hahahaha, it's actually funny i think, that's exactly what Georgie told me before breaking up with me.

BH: I do not think its funny Jon.

SA: Well what else am I supposed to take from it???

SA: That I'm terrible at keeping things? That the people around me dont care?

BH: Purrhaps, you confuse coworkers with friends, Jon. Have… Do you have a good frame of reference? To know what is normal or not? I'm trying my best to not sound pushy since you established that does not help you. So think of this as your homework of sorts.

BH: Try and think of behaviour that points to them being friends or coworkers. Hell just go with trauma victims if it makes you feel any better, take that. Make a list and tell me the results.

BH: As for Martin, as you said I don't have the track record to help. Asking Elias… well he has Peter. So maybe that is more helpfur to you. But I doubt it. Listen, divorce your feelings on the matter and think objectively.

BH: Imagine…. imagine someone else, literally anyone you know and try to put them in your place. Would you accept them to be treated like that? Do you think its normal?

SA: I… don't, I really don't. God i'm a mess.

BH: You are something of a mess, but the blame is not on you completely. That others see you as an easy target for their own insecurities doesn't make you the one to blame. Now, you did make mistakes from what we talked about, and we addressed that and their consequences on your relationships before, like with Tim. But, clearly there are also things they are not dealing with either and they use you as a scapegoat.

SA: Don't try to put them against me.

BH: Oh Jon, the sad thing is, I don't have to.

SA: I… will try to speak with Martin again later.

BH: Ok. Good luck, do try to do what I asked you, ok?

SA: Yes… yes, sure. Thank you Jonah.

BH: You are welcome.

SA: … Will you speak with them?

BH: I can't. Goodbye.

BEATINGHEART ceased pestering SPOOKYARCHIVE

WEBDESIGNER started pestering BEATINGHEART

WD: ::::)

BH: What do you want Annabelle?

WD: Can a friend not say hello?

BH: Considering we are not friends and you weren't supposed to make it here, I hardly doubt it.

WD: Oh buuu you sad, sad man.

WD: Anyways, I saw those two moving around trying to find you, very sad. Peter was looking grumpy. Elias was very annoyed. Do you want a picture?

BH: Why are you bothering me with this??

WD: … Its… the first time in years that I don't have the web controlling my actions. I always liked to play matchmaker, before my change.

WD: Its refreshing to be able to say what I mean without pain or speaking in riddles. The trip gets boring otherwise. I have been pestering Martin, but he is stubborn. Plus poor sad Jon.

BH: Leave him alone please, he is already messed up enough as it stands and im playing therapist for free. No need to add more trauma.

WD: That you caused him, or the other you caused him. Its perhaps a very interesting thing that he chose the version of you that did not harm him to be his confidant don't you think? There is something there to be said, even psychoanalyzed.

BH: Annabelle the point.

WD: Right pictures.

WD: sent (picture)

BH:... Annabelle, they are just making out??!!? How did you-??

WD: I have secrets. Have some more.

WD: ATTACHED (PICTURES1,2,3,4)

WD:??? Are you ok? Its been 20 minutes??

WD: Did I kill you? They didn't even get to lose more than the shirts calm down, I was sure you got into more freaky stuff in your years.

BH: How??

WD: Do you want me to get more?

BH: No!!

WD: Are you sure? Trip is long… maybe you need something to keep you… mmm interested?

BH: I will leave.

WD: Sure, sure. Offer always stands. Anyways. I will just say, because i'm fully capable of it now. They very much want you in there too. Its very weird, but considering the things i have seen and done for the web its the least concerning thing.

WD: So stop hiding and go get your throupe you coward.

BH: ANNABELLE!!

WD: ;;;;)

WEBDESIGNER ceased pestering BEATINGHEART

[nyanpoe]

(Rough) summary of the last NatsuYuu arc

Featuring chapters 106 and 107, “Visiting a late friend”. 

Note that my japanese isn’t the best, so i might have misunderstood some things.

Also: my own personal notes are in cursive.

In chapter 106 Natsume takes the wrong bus home after going to some far town (if i remember correctly Touko had asked him to run an errand or smth). Yorishima gets on that same bus and after seeing each other (they were like the only ones in the bus) they start chatting. If i remember correctly, Yorishima had offered to show him the correct bus/way home, but he was on his way to return a book to an old friend (named Kusakabe) he used to exchange letters with who had already passed away, so Natsume offers to accompany him.

We get some more insight into Yorishima’s character, how he’s pretty grumpy, asocial and a shut in. If i remember correctly, in the book he was going to deliver, which was one that Natori retrieved from his mansion in the Miharu arc, he found a letter where Kusakabe told him to go visit him someday.

When they get to the house of Yorishima’s old friend, they are greeted by his 3 beautiful daughters AND feel a weird presence in the house.

The chapter ends with Yorishima telling Natsume that Kusakabe only had 2 daughters, not 3.

Here 2 cute screenshots i took of the chapter

Chapter 107 (later part) starts with one of the letters Kusakabe wrote to Yorishima, where he talks about how he can hear his daughters (note: 娘, musume) played despite having told them to being quiet as he was writing. He also notes how he likes it when it’s lively, and contrasts it with Yorishima’s hypothetical reaction.

The daughters (who are all a bit weird and very pushy) talk a bit about Yorishima and how much their father used to talk about him. Once they leave the room, Yorishima and Natsume discuss how one of them might be an ayakashi, as he is sure Kusakabe had always wrote in his letters about only 2 daughters. 

Yorishima starts cursing about how nothing good happens whenever he leaves his house and apologizes to Natsume for dragging him into such a mess. Natsume then realizes he feels like his old self, and reassures him that going all this way for his friend is a very important thing and he'll tag along, for Kusakabe's sake, and mentally adds for Yorishima’s sake too. Natsume then kicks Nyanko-sensei outta the room and tells him to go investigate which daughter might be the imposter (since he was just eating cake and being an ass lol).

Natsume asks if there’s lead to tell apart the fake one, but Yorishima says that none of them resemble Kusakabe physically, although their mannerisms sometimes do. 

AND WE GET A FLASHBACK OF THEIR COLLEGE TIME.

In it, Kusakabe tells Yorishima (after failing to feed him an onigiri) about how he should have also gone watch the meteor shower, how pretty it was etc and how the stars seemed to go and fall from all directions, to which Yorishima was like bruh how could that be and if it wasn’t perhaps a tanuki or ghost playing a prank on him. Kusakabe says that maybe that was the reason why the rest didn’t seem to react to it, but that was all the more reason why it would have been merrier if Yorishima had been with him.

Yorishima immediately tells Kusakabe that he should confess to Kyouko-san already and that he actually would have wanted to see the meteor shower with her instead, leaving the other quite dumbfounded as meddling into other’s affairs (or even caring) was pretty out of character of him. Yorishima just answers that if his roommate is being a pain he won’t get peace either so he should be done with his business. He also tells him that he’s a good man, so there’s no way he’ll get rejected.

~end of flashback~

After that we get a 4 pages Nyanko-sensei pov of spying on the girls, who start acting all creepy, making him freaks out and run away.

The last page has a letter from Yorishima to Kusakabe, in which he thanks him for the last letter and congratulates him, saying he was surprised when he learned about his 2 daughters.

Back to Yorishima and Natsume, Yorishima seems to hold his arm, making Natsume worry and ask if it doesn’t hurt (thinking to himself that it’s the rumored ayakashi arm, and wonders if it’s really true) but the other says he was just deep in thought. They discuss about the daughters again, saying that if they look like kusakabe, what similarities they have etc. Since they dont look alike natsume asks if they dont look like the wife then, but Yorishima says he actually doesn’t know about the wife, neither name nor face. He never got to meet her, as he never met Kusakabe after college again. He says that Kusakabe wrote whatever came to mind in his letters and never got to tell him about getting married not his daughters being born, but mentions that he used to date a girl called Kyouko when they were in college. He says that they looked very happy and (not sure of the jp wording here) just looking at each other/at them? made them blush. 

Natsume assumes that that must have been his wife then, but Yorishima says that she had died in an accident. He talks about how Kusakabe used to be pretty depressed after it, but since he didn't want to make Kyouko sad he came back to his usual self eventually. Still, he didn’t date anyone after that, that’s why he was very surprised when reading the letter talking about his daughters. Knowing that he was able to form a family, after everything that happened, made him so happy he started trembling.

Nyanko-sensei interrupts them and cries a bit about how the girls were Too Much. After that, the lights go off and Yorishima runs to check that the girls are ok. He starts mildly gay panicking bc he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to his friend’s house. He says to himself that it would have been better if Kusakabe had at least told him how his daughters were called, and remembers the note in the book asking him to come pay a visit someday.

He runs into the youkai and asks who is she, to which she replies that she is kusakabes daughter. Yorishima says that he only had 2 so that's not possible but she says that Kusakabe just never got to tell him about the 3rd (among us voice kinda sus). She tells him that if he catches her she'll tell him the full story. While chasing for her, he starts shouting that it’s Kusakabe’s house, even if he passed away, saying in his mind “isn’t anywhere anymore”, it’s the house of his dear friend, and he won’t forgive her if she tries to do something to his beloved daughters.

He catches the youkai and: turns out all the daughters were DOLLS.

Apparently, Kusakabe bought 2 dolls at an antique shop and when writing the letter, he used the word musume, which can mean either daughter or simply young girl. The daughters say he had realized that Yorishima misunderstood and thought he meant biological daughters, but decided to play along and keep using musume when talking about them. And so, when Yorishima visited him, he would learn the truth. He looked forward to when he would come and find out.  That’s why the dolls decided to carry on with that wish, and tell him about how fun and merry Kusakabe’s time there had been.

(Here comes the part where I’m not really sure about some things, and I’m not sure either what they are referring to Exactly so I might have misinterpreted it.)

The dolls say they were actually upset at him for never once visiting Kusakabe, but that seeing his arm they understand he couldnt come. Then, Natsume thinks to himself "to his dear friend... (deepl translation:) in the midst of all the bewitchment...". Yorishima here regrets not being more sincere in his replies to the many letters Kusakabe sent because he thinks that’s probably why he stopped sending them (i think?),and the daughters ask him if he knows why he died. When Yorishima says he heard he died of illness, they say: "yes, the reason is similar to yours (that i understand maybe i read it wrong). he simply stopped sending letters when he lost the strength in his handwriting". (when he didnt have enough strenght to write properly basically, bc that’s shittily worded).  Here they show that Kusakabe told his daughters that Yorishima is very intelligent and his own handwriting was very strong and beautiful, so he would notice and get weird worries. 

The daughters then say that there are a lot of letters he never got to send. 

In one of those letters, he writes Yorishima that he had ordered a new doll for his daughters, so it seemed like his house would become even more lively (and also something about a job but idk if it refers to the doll or smth else). A sepparate bubble shows: “one day, when you come...”.

With the book being returned, the daughters have then acomplished their mission. When they leave Natsume wonders what will they do from now on.  Here Natsume wonders about Yorishima’s regrets, the reason why he couldnt pay a visit to his friend, and his own duty with the book of friends.

Yorishima thanks Natsume for his helps and Natsume says its a good thing he came to see him (aka Kusakabe). He is holding the book open, and as the wind makes the pages flip one last note, with a pretty shaky handwriting ,appears between them. Natsume asks what does it say.

Yorishima says that it just says as usual, just some foolish things.

[moon-yeongjun]

“Tae-yah, I love you, but this is a stupid dream.” || Moon Bros

Summary: June 5-- Tae asks for permission to get a nipple piercing and then wants boy and friend advice, thus torturing Jun. This is very funny. 

@moon-yeongtae

Tae: hey so would u ever sign a paper so I could get my nipples pierced and not tell eomma?

Jun: what the hell

Jun: why would you want to do something so absurd

Tae: bc it looks cool?

Jun: aiya

Jun: look i dont think that is something we could hide from eomma for forever

Jun: cant you just wait a year and a half you'll be 18

Jun: then you can do whatever horrible body mutilation to yourself that you want

Tae: maybe

Tae: but if I really wanted to you'd sign it right?

Tae: :)

Jun: i dont think so

Jun: i am not going to go behind eomma's back

Jun: then you'll get me in trouble

Tae: :(

Tae: i could tell her I forged ur signature if she found out

Jun: no

Jun: this is a waste of your money anyway

Jun: if you still want it at 18 then you get it then

Tae: my friends are gonna get piercings

Tae: all three of them

Jun: oh u going to buy drugs if all your friends buy drugs

Tae: no

Tae: but I also don't want drugs

Jun: well why do u want nipple piercings anyway are you trying to be a pirate eh

Jun: a drug lord

Tae: maybe

Tae: im actually starting my own biker gang

Jun: all the more reason for me to say no

Tae: why can't u support my dreams hyung

Jun: tae yah i love you

Jun: but this is a stupid dream

Tae: wow

Jun: someone needs to tell you

Jun: that someone is me

Tae [hours later]: Hyung

Tae: on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being u actually like it and 10 being u want to shoot urself in the face

Tae: how do u feel about me talking to u about boys

Jun [deleted]: 씨-발

Jun: a 5

Tae: ok so like an 8

Jun: i said a 5 didnt i

Tae: 5 means u have no feeling one way or the other lmfao that's impossible u have an opinion about everything

Jun: if you tell me you want to get your nipples pierced for a boy i am at a 10 how about that

Tae: haha no that would be just for me ;)

Jun: right

Jun: the answer to that is still no

Tae: no i was actually going to talk about how i'm never going to date anyone in my whole life and i might as well become a monk

Jun: oh well personally i think that is a good life decision

Jun: monks are well respected

Jun: i am also probably going to become a monk

Tae: yeah why don't u get laid more tbh

Tae: all my friends talk about how hot u r so i mean u probably look alright

Jun: i am now at a 7

Jun: we're not supposed to be talking about my sex life

Jun [deleted]: also you should get new friends they are not allowed to come over anymore IN WITH THE NEW OUT WITH THE STUPID

Tae: ugh

Tae: im depressed

Jun: okay

Jun: because you think you're never going to date?

Tae: no

Tae: bc i can't date nemo

Jun: why not

Jun: he likes boys too

Jun: does he not like you?

Tae: apparently louie had a crush on me this whole time

Tae: and thinks we are assholes

Jun: oh wait im remembering this

Jun: we did talk about it

Tae: yes

Tae: and like

Jun: i told you to tell him to shut up

Tae: he's just now starting to talk to us again

Jun [deleted]: first of all i cant believe you have so many gay friends is everyone just gay now

Tae: and nemo is a really good person and cares

Tae: about louie's feelings

Jun: so you'er saying he wont date you because he does not want to upset his other friend

Tae: yea

Jun: im not really sure what you want from me here i dont really do relationship advice

Tae: ok

Jun: it seems to be that louie is being selfish and you should just date

Jun: right? is that crazy?

Jun: and if he is going to not talk to you well he is a terrible friend anyway good riddance

Tae: that's a little bit how i feel

Tae: i also see nemo's side

Tae: but the longer it goes on

Tae: the more i just really don't give a fuck what louie says

Jun: you shouldnt give a fuck about him but i guess you should care what nemo says since he still has to agree to date you

Tae: u said fuck lmao

Jun: ive said fuck many times before

Tae: yeah but i was expecting u to yell at me about my language lol

Tae: anyway

Tae: i want to kick louie in the mouth and date nemo

Tae: and im depressed bc i can't do that

Tae: bc i really really like him

Tae: a lot

Tae: so much

Jun [deleted]: well thats nice... no what the fuck do u say to someon

Jun: ah well im sorry tae yah that your friends are both equally stupid for different reasons

Tae: im moving to texas

Tae: that's like one of the only states i know

Jun: i hear things are worse there

Jun: you should move to new york thats where everyone goes

Jun: personally would hate it but

Jun: i dunno, lots of gay people are there

Tae: like city?

Jun: yes sure

Tae: that shit is too big

Jun: aiya now i will yell at you for your language

Tae: can i stay home from school tomorrow lmao

Jun: what? no

Jun: there is no good erason for you to miss school

Tae: it's to stop me from killing a skinny white boy

Jun: not good enough your education is most important

Jun: a little murder never hurt anyone

Jun: but missing school? terrible tragedy

Tae: except the dead guy

Jun: well in a way you're doing him a favour if you think about it

Jun: he doesnt have to go to school anymore

Jun: but you do

Tae: omg

Tae: that's a good reason to keep him alive i guess

Tae: so he has to suffer

Jun: there we go

Jun: other ways to get revenge

Tae: he's being such a little bitch baby too

Tae: UGH

Jun: yes just get it out 

now

Tae: did u know he's not even looking at me

Tae: like he won't

Tae: he looks off to the side and like doesn't speak actual words to me

Tae: he will text when we are in a group and acknowledge me there

Tae: that's it

Jun: thats very immature

Jun: weird way to treat a crush if u want them to like u back too but thats neither here nor there

Tae: what he is basically doing is making sure i will never like him back probably bc why would i like someone who can't like

Tae: talk about what is bothering them

Tae: and instead ignores me

Jun: well i dont know i definitely wouldnt

Tae: and like we have talked about it

Tae: but he basically said i was a dick and i should leave him alone

Tae: so the whole thing  pisses me off i hate it

Jun: well maybe you should

Jun: let him get over it or whatever

Tae: i am

Tae: im not being pushy it just sUCKS

Jun: well i saw a lot of people in my year date and break up over and over

Jun: the good thing is he will get over it and you will all forget about it

Jun: then you and nemo can date if thats what you want

Tae: yeah

Tae: when u come home can u bring some nectarines

Jun: what am i a delivery boy

Jun [deleted]: yes yeong junnie

Jun: fine

Tae: thank u hyungie

[lollytea]

can you tell us more about the snufmin kids, if thats okay?

Oh of course, of course!! i love those children so much dude!!!

[Original OC post]

Beginnings

-Torben’s origins are kinda a downer but basically his mom was a witch on the outskirts of a little village (real far away from moominvalley) who was killed after a lot of fearmongering. they raided her cottage afterwards and found baby torben and assumed him to be a child she stole.

- They couldnt find the “real mother” and he ended up in the care of a childrens’ home. He actually bounced around a few of them until he ended up in the home where he met with his future siblings. according to those working there, he had a rather unnerving stare and a lot of them felt there was something not quite right about him. (the rumor going around was it was something the witch had “done to him” and that “the poor child might never be the same”)  he was a lot more sullen as a baby who didnt have much of an interest in toys and had a hard time connecting with the other children. He brightened up considerably when he found Birch and Essi

- Birch was an oddity from the start. (Species headcanon from here) Its natural for woodies grow in groups, usually from trees and bushes, so theyre biologically social creatures who are hardly ever seen alone. But Birch may have been a spectacle of his species, as he was formed in a moss patch and born all on his own. 

- Another thing that was considered strange about him was his lack of imprinting. Woodies tend to latch on to the first “safe” person they meet, who then forcibly becomes their “parent”. (Woodies are produced asexually and have no “real parents” so finding a person of protection is often done as a survival tactic. It’s recommended that one stay away from woodies if one is not ready for children.) Baby Birch was discovered by a farmer and surprisingly did not take to him right away, like any woodie does. Actually he was rather standoffish and even bit if the old man touched him. He was sent to the home not long after. 

- Space was tight and there werent a lot of cribs/beds to go around, so Birch didn’t have one to himself. Instead they just squeezed him into 2 year old torben’s crib for the two children to share. Here they became inseparable, with Birch, maybe not imprinting but forming a close bond with somebody and finally finding a source of comfort. He bit a little less after this. Likewise with Torben, who gained a caring gleam in his eye once he had a little one to care for. Even when Torben was old enough for a proper bed, he insisted Birch sleep with him and would not budge on the matter. The home gave in and allowed it. 

- Essi’s origin was a simple one, of just being born at the wrong time. In a house packed with mumrik children, one more simply could not be accommodated. I dont want to say her birth parents were terrible people but with the amount of kids they had, they were rather jaded to a fresh baby face and werent too emotional in deciding they need to be rid of her. 

- She was never an angry or intentionally misbehaved baby when under the care of the home. She just needed a lot of stimulation that she wasnt getting and tended to tear up her clothes, curtains and bedsheets. It was also concerning that she never cried, or babbled or made any sound at all. It had falsely interpreted as some fort of defect child. They didnt know if it was right to mix her with the other babies, seeing as with the damage her claws had already done, they felt she could be dangerous. She was left on her own a lot.

- The other two met Essi when they were caught stealing food from the kitchen and locked away on their own to think about how sorry they were. But being tight on space, the only isolated room was the one where Essi was kept. They had heard about her being “the baby who didnt cry” and were very intrigued. but upon further inspection of the wriggling little girl in the cot, Torben observed that she looked lonely. They wondered if she simply wasnt capable of crying, which would be awful if one wanted to express their sadness. After entertaining her throughout their isolation period, the two decided that she was now their baby. And they would be her siblings. They would all belong to each other. As a family.

Miscellaneous HCs:

-Torben sleeps like he’s fucking comatose. There is no waking him. Even when living with Moomintroll and Snufkin, he and Birch still share a bed and Torben kicks and Birch (a light sleeper) hates it. But no matter how much arguments and late night brawls this causes, they still refuse to get separate beds. 

- Essi has a crib in Moomintroll’s room and sleeps there until she’s like 4. (She always magically ends up from her crib to her papa’s stomach by morning.) They tried to get her a “big girl room” when she was bigger but she didnt adapt very well as she couldnt sleep when she was alone. They had to move her into her siblings’ room. She slept soundly after that. 

- Moomintroll and Snufkin often tell the kids stories from their youth, sometimes using anonymous names to work as “fictional stories” lest they frighten them (or for the sake of their own dignity). Essi is very disturbed by the story of the the hobgoblin’s hat, while Birch can only scoff and wonder aloud what sort of idiot was that moomin who went and put the thing on his head. Moomintroll stares dead ahead and refuses to meet eyes with a highly amused Snufkin.

- Early on in his training, Alicia gifts Torben with his own witch hat. With much excitement, he immediately plops the thing on only for his whole head to disappear under it. Alicia laughs, informing him only a fully trained witch can wear it properly and the hat will adjust accordingly once he’s ready. (The hat freaks Moomin the fuck out. He does not care for magical hats anymore.)

- Essi has a little stuffed yellow bird that Mymble got her, which she carries around (often in her mouth) everywhere. She named him Comet, based on the story of when her papas first met.

- Speaking of Mymble (the younger), she loves doing Essi’s hair, although it took her a while to get accustomed to the little mumrik’s big mop of curls and couldnt understand why brushing it was so hard at first. She’s familiar with it now and often weaves in little flowers and ribbons. 

- Birch is very close with Snorkmaiden who thinks his flowering skin is very pretty and encourages his writing and curiosity. (Being a huge fan of the written word herself, mostly fairytales.) 

- Moominpapa is also supportive of his eloquent grandchild (Splendid! Another writer in the family, eh?)  but he’s a little more pushy and it takes a bit of chiding from moominmama to get him to stop saying “have you considered writing about Me??”

- Torben loves Snork. Snork.....hates Torben really. Well, its not that they hate him, its just that Snork has spent their entire life on this flying machine project and torben+flying broomstick= a mockery of it all. Not to mention Torben is annoying as fuck and spends way too much time pestering Snork about god knows what.

- Essi and Little My hunt bugs together. Lov the cronch

- Birch is afraid of thunderstorms. The whole family usually piles into his bed on thundery nights to make him feel safe. 

- Once Torben is at an adequate stage of witching training, he’s allowed a familiar. Of all creatures, he chooses Essi, the closest thing to a black cat he has. She happily obliges and spends most of her late childhood, mid teens operating under this duty.

- Snufkin has composed a tune for each of his children that he plays when alone and thinking about them, or by their bedside and playing them to sleep. Torben’s tune is called ‘Bonfire in the Rain’ Birch’s is ‘Baring Shards of One’s Looking Glass’ and Essi’s is ‘She Who Stirs the Stars’

- To help with Birch’s collecting hobby, Torben enchants a little velveteen pouch an gifts it to him. It never overflows and Birch can fit the whole forest in there if he wishes. It’s very handy to carry around when Birch is vagabond. Extremely light luggage.

- Torben also gifts Essi with a locket encapsulated with the essence of a star. Just enough heat and light to illuminate her way and keep her warm at night. It’s her prized possession. 

- Birch is ace and a he/him nonbinary. He’s not entirely sure if he’s aro as he feels pretty picky about close friends too. but romance has never appealed to him much. 

- Essi is bi. She’s only briefly been involved with like 3 people before meeting the love of her life, Sislaf. 

- Torben is as fluid as can be. He doesnt really have a way to describe his sexuality, he just knows that he loves and loves and loves a lot. He’s a bit like Mymble in the sense that he dates a lot and is always very naive and devoted right away, only to get himself hurt later. He’s quite sensitive about all that.

Futures

- Once the kids are grown, they do end up going their separate ways in life but remain close and visit eachother frequently. They keep in contact by letters. Birch is eternally pissed about his messy handwriting compared to Essi’s beautiful scrawl and Torben’s neat yet flashy one.

- Torben becomes the Moominvalley Witch, now that Alicia’s family have moved on to other places. He builds himself a small cottage on the outskirts so he can have time alone to think and brew. He’s still a walking distance from his parents home though. Flying distance if he’s feeling lazy.  

- Birch’s travels become longer and in time and through word of mouth, the tale he tells become quite well known. He’s a famous storyteller now, whether he wants to be or not. Luckily, he’s begrudgingly embraced it (better than Snufkin did with his fame) and spends a lot of time in taverns, entertaining the regulars.

- Essi was the one who found it the hardest to grow up. Shes a family oriented person so she didnt want to be alone but she also dreamed of adventure and couldnt just drag her whole family along with her (especially her papas who were at the point where they just wanted to rest and settle down) But she found her calling. Criminal. Leader of a pack of criminals actually. Some were old friends from moominvalley, some she met along the way but Essi was lucky enough to find herself a group that became like a family to her. They traveled land and sea, doing all the righteous work and righting the injustices that Snufkin used to do. Only this time, its not just one little man. Its one little woman and her gang. 

- The siblings meet up a lot, usually around a campfire where they share a pipe and laugh about nostalgia. Torben’s particularly good at animating the smoke into moving images, while Birch tells a story to accompany it  and Essi claps along. And even when shes grown and tough, during moments like this Essi still feels the comforting warmth of being a baby sister

[e8luhs]

btw got this ask on my classpecting blog (which is basically super dead because i rarely ever have the time/energy to get around to posting on it) but since its cb related and were on a spree here, i wanted to put some info here because well... you know me :3c

yes i made the base of the characters personalities with their classpects in mind. obviously they still developed past that point (quite a few of the characters ended up completely different from how they were when i originally wrote them (rivian, crylus, vergas) because of the original writing being more based around classpects)

also ill write some real quick classpect descriptions for all of them under the cut since i dont want this post to get too long. i dont really want to say exactly why the puzzle pieces fit together because i think its fun to hear about other peoples opinions and also show w/o telling but i also really love classpecting and just some baselines doesnt really count as spoilers i dont think

rivian: witch of void, typically witches are quite a bit more fun and optimistic and generally just all around more Expressive than rivian is but like... youll understand when we get to it. witches are also just Incredibly Stubborn and i think thats quite a rivian thing.

witches have their aspects permeate throughout their life, and manipulate their aspects actively; they bend their aspects to their will, either by going totally against the notions and boundaries of their aspect or by simply modifying it to suit their needs. they thrive in environments where theyre able to go along with their own organized chaos and sense of structure. 

void is about secrets, irrelevance, the enigmatic the mysterious et cetera. i think void is also about hidden interpersonal knowledge. its working on the sidelines and in the background. void players always seem to do the hard work, but are in someone/something elses shadow.

lyreni: sylph of time, honestly lyreni is still basically The Definition Of A Sylph. shes caring, very aware of her surroundings, acts according to what she deems is important, shes patient shes exacting... but she can be a bit meddle-y and pedantic and pushy due to her own anxieties.

sylphs analyze and heal their aspect. they find where people and where their session is lacking in it and essentially poke and prod and go about whichever way they possibly can to fix the lack of their aspect. theyre very opinionated about their aspect and what it means to them and what it should mean to others, and therefore sylphs need to learn to wield these ideas and use them to help others.

time is about time itself and the flow of it, death, progression, etc. not only that, but its about order and structure, singleminded focus, all of which selfimposed. time is more like a chain of events that needs to be kept in order than it is about inevitable events that are out of your control.

kapreo: rogue of rage, i usually say rogues follow two different archetypes (1. they either start with an abundance of their aspect and need to find a comfortable balance, or 2. they start with a percieved lack of their aspect and need to accept it into their life. either way, once both of them grow into those second stages they then redistribute their aspect to others). kapreo is a v2 rogue. rogues also as a whole are very friendly and generous, passionate, determined. though on the other hand, rogues can sometimes have the tendency to isolate themselves from others when they face stress and other struggles.

although both types of rogues have different types of deeprooted insecurity when it comes to their aspect, v2 rogues in particular lack in confidence comes from the fact that they could never handle their own aspect. therefore, they might have difficulties ever allowing themselves indulge in their aspect even when worse comes to worse. as stated above v2 rogues need to learn to accept that their aspect CAN be a part of who they are, and that they CAN handle it.

rage is about skepticality, defiance, boundaries, intense feelings, adrenaline, its putting your foot down and not taking anymore bullshit. its about putting yourself first. rage is also just a very like... sensory aspect. its the burning feeling in your chest that you get when youre in those states of passionate, unrestricted emotion.

sebran: knight of space, You Know Why Lets Be Real Do I Even Have To Say It. knights are boundlessly loyal, committed, reliable and nuturing people, however obviously they have a tendency towards the Emotional Constipation and are constantly concerned with their own sense of usefulness and competence.

knights essentially have to unlearn their obsessive facades and sort of... perfectionism when it comes to the way they come off and the way they interact with their aspect so that they can exploit and wield their aspect. basically knights have to put the metaphorical shield down and take out their sword instead. their facades usually tend to reflect their opposite aspect due to their insecurity with their actual aspect. 

space is about creation, lack of bounds, infinite possibilities, the universe, isolation, loneliness. making something out of nothing. everything is at the universes whims, its unable to be contained. theres kind of a lack of any sort of structure or stability when it comes to space.

crylus: prince of doom, now hold your fucking horses before you say anything okay i know a lot of the times princes make everyone go “Oh god oh fuck” but i can promise you that crylus is a GOOD prince. princes can be incredibly capable and confident, goal oriented, helpful players. on the other hand though YES they can be a bit impulsive, arrogant. princes also tend to be a bit hypercritical as they hold people to high standards but they hold themselves to even higher ones (see dirk) a lot of the time.

princes ghost their opposite aspect and either just straight up destroy or destroy WITH their ACTUAL aspect, as they have strong internal brewing anger and hatred for their aspect and what it stands for. for the most part, princes need to learn how to channel this energy towards only flushing out the genuinely NEGATIVE parts of their aspect, as destruction sometimes isnt inherently a bad thing. in fact, sometimes tearing things down to make new ones is necessary and part of the process. but princes are REALLY high risk/high reward.

doom is about order thats outside of your control. its pre-established rules, guidelines, fate and futility and inevitability. similar to the death card in tarot though, even if doom is about the unavoidable end of a cycle, its also about the beginning of a new one.

vergas: bard of blood, i think its pretty easy to understand Why. originally he was going to be a bard of light which youll still see some remnants of that when his land comes up. bards are faithful in their beliefs and can be very committed to those ideas... but due to that faith they can be at their best just kind of annoying and stubborn to at their worst, antagonistic, unaccomodating, and dogmatic. 

its kind of hard to explain, but bards ghost their opposite while destroying THROUGH their aspect. i usually say that to mean that bards use their own aspect as a sort of vessel of destruction. theyre also incredibly unpredictable players, as if their convictions ever waver theyre likely to go totally off the shits. i usually call that their Bardly Revelation aka when a bards world views and ideas about their aspect are finally challenged. a bards challenge then is to figure out how to take these challenges in stride and become open to new perspectives rather than letting it consume them whole. (hint: a lot of bards have a very hard time doing this. you can kind of figure what im getting at here).

blood is about bonds, strength, unity, responsibility, society, norms. i relate blood also to expectations, and relationships but more like… in the sense of working together as a team. commitment.

hopefully thats vague but informative enough for you to get why i picked their classpects out. as always im really excited to get deeper into the story and actually really Show like Why they fit rather than just give some overly wordy explanations

[eternalmydnyt]

So I decided its time for another one of my random peeks i give into my insanity. This is the playlist of songs on my IPhone. Some are there just because i like them but for the most part music is a form of self therapy for me, the voices find things in life which lets them feel manifest and music is a way to feel them, touch them, and communicate with them in a generally harmless environment. Plus this can give anyone who reads an glimpse into my head and my tastes

In no particular order Im going to follow this format for the list

"Title" Band

Affecting Lyrics

How it affects me

Lets begin shall we?

"Get Well" Icon For Hire

Don't tell the others but it's all getting old

I mean how many more times must our stories be told?

And being lonely's only fun in a group

It sort of loses it's charm when it's true

This is a song about someone who is tired of suffering. Someone who has decided that its time to get serious about changing for the better. The voice in my head who reacts most to this is Eleni, Eleni doesnt want to be broken anymore, doesnt want to be crazy and fractured. She is my internal caretaker and OCD. She is who i draw on when i need to get things done regardless of how i feel.

"My Name" Shinedown

My name is worthless like you told me I once was

My name is empty cause you drained away the love

My name is searching since you stole my only soul

My name is hatred and the reasons we both know

Micheal... he is so angry all the time. Angry about the past, angry about the present, angry about the future. He is my rage at a world that should be more then what it is. Micheal is the one who is most "Me" of the voices. He is the one who is the closest to being who i would if i didnt have to constantly wear a thousand masks for society. He cares about some but in general he just wants to see everyone burn until they understand his pain.

"Break In" Halestorm

You are the only one

The only one that sees me

Trusts me and believes me

You are the only one

The only one that knows me

And in the dark you show me

Yeah it's perfectly reckless

Damn you leave me defenseless

So break in

This is my song i dedicate to Francine and everything she does for me. She is one of only 3 people who I truelly trust and who knows almost everything about me. She has saved me.

"Carry on my Wayward Son" Supernatural 200th Episode Cover.

Masquerading as a man with a reason

My charade is the event of the season

And if I claim to be a wise man,

Well, it surely means that I don't know

Ok this one is just because i REALLY like it. Especially this version.

"Indestructible" Disturbed

Another reason, another cause for me to fight

Another fuse uncovered now, for me to light

My dedication to all that I've sworn to protect

I carry out my orders without a regret

Ahh Alex. He is aggressive and territorial. He isnt Angry the way Micheal is but he is more violent. He was the part of me that couldnt remember fighting back against bullies, the part which would lash out in violence against anyone who mistreated me. He was dangerous and volitile in school but he had reasons to be. He changed as I got older... now he is more of a gatekeeper. He protects the people i trust... deciding who is "Pack" and who isnt. If he doesnt accept you then I dont trust you. I dont have many in my circle but he is the one who holds the guest list. If you arent in the circle then Alex lets Micheal have you.

"Divide" Disturbed

I am a little more provocative then you might need,

It's your shock and then your horror on which I feed

So can you tell me what exactly does freedom mean,

If I'm not free to be as twisted as I wanna be

Don't wanna be another player losing in this game

I'm trying to impress upon you

We're not the same

My psychotic mentality is so unique

I'm one aggressive motherfucker

Now, wouldn't you say

Ever since Micheal became violent he has been fighting against being classified with the rest. He hates being "Just another voice" he believes he is THE voice and the others should serve him. I like Micheal alot... he is one i rely on and consider one of my closest allies because he has the strength to drown out the others when i need him to... but god he can be a self important dick sometimes.

"Without Me" Eminem

Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me

'Cause we need a little controversy,

'Cause it feels so empty without me

This is another i just really like. Hell of a beat. Good music for a walk.

"Fuck Away the Pain" Divide the Day

You hate the way he fooled around behind your back

A slave to him but now with me, no strings attached

But if you wanna use me up and leave me in the bed

If that's what you need go right ahead

Ahh Gray. I was wondering when you would show up. Gray loves this song. Being eternally a teenager his greatest joys in life are Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. If he could spend all his time getting high, getting laid, and playing Call of Duty he would be a happy boy. He reminds me to have fun and relax. I just wish he wasnt so pushy about it.

"Love Bites (So Do I)" Halestorm

My lips are pale and vicious.

You’re foaming at the mouth.

You’ve suffered in the darkness.

I’ll suck the pain right out.

So come and taste the reason

I’m nothing like the rest.

I kiss you in a way you’ll never forget about me.

Two Gray songs in a row. He is a firm believer that the best cure for pain is to leave it behind with fun and pleasure. Someone hurt you? Leave em behind and find something better. He doesnt get why it has to be any more complicated then that.

"Innocence" Halestorm

Is this what you wanted

Did I make your dreams come true?

You're sitting in a corner

Wondering what you got into

And you ache for things you don't understand

That your tears don't mean a thing

I only cum when you scream

Raven. I dont talk about her much. Micheal is angry and Alex is Violent but Raven enjoys it. Raven wants to inflict pain not for revenge or to protect me... she wants to inflict pain because she enjoys it. She loves the idea of having power over another person and being able to control the difference between their pleasure and their pain. finding out just what it would take to push someone to the point where the carress of fingertips and the carress of a blade provoke the same reaction... be it screams or moans. Raven came to being during a time in my life when all i did was suffer... and when all you do is suffer you find ways to enjoy even that.

"Leave it all behind" Cult to Follow

Forget the decay

And the endlessness of all of our mistakes

Forget all the blame

And the apathy

And throw it all away

Forget the Pain

Forget the Hate

Forget all your Enemies

They never will break you again

This would probobly be most associated with my serpent. He isnt vocal... he is cold and empty... armored and predatory. He is instinct and survival. He turns me off. When my emotions are more then i can handle his scales harden me and keep them out... better to feel nothing then to be overwhelmed.

"My Songs know what you did in the Dark" Fall Out Boy

A constellation of tears on your lashes

Burn everything you love, then burn the ashes

In the end everything collides

My childhood spat back out the monster that you see

Another Micheal... have i mentioned he is loud? I think one of the largest things that fuels his rage is the fact that maybe I would be so much healthier if someone had jus seen what was going on when i was a child and helped me then... no instead the schools were content just labeling me "Antisocial with Anger Control Issues and an Overactive Imagination" Fucking lazy ass socalled professionals...

"What I've Done" Linkin Park

I'll face myself

To cross out what I’ve become

Erase myself

And let go of what I’ve done

This song speaks to me but its hard to pinpoint why. Theres alot in my life i regret... Life needs a Do-over button.

"Porn Star Dancing" My Darkest Days

She wraps those hands around that pole

She licks those lips and off we go

She takes it off nice and slow

Because that's pornstar dancin'

Gray loves this song... not only for its literal lyrics bot also for the fact he has convinced himself its one long ass Blowjob analogy.

"Runnin" Adam Lambert

'Round and around I'd go, addicted to the numb

Living in the cold

The higher, the lower the down, down, down

Sick of being tired and sick of waiting

For another kind of fix

The damage is damning me down, down, down

Love this song... Speaks to me but at the same time it is one that im not sure who in my head reacts most. It just makes me happy.

"Save Yourself" My Darkest Days

You’re the perfect drug when it hurts like hell

I've never needed anyone so much

There’s no-one else I love and I curse myself

Cause the right thing is to give you up

I’m overcome by shame cause I can never change

And you can never understand my sickness

(I’ll never understand my sickness)

This is a Micheal. He is angry and violent and seeks pain on others... but there are people he cares about. He doesnt want to hurt them but he cant change what he is. So I try to keep him tempered with the lighter voices despite him being by far my strongest.

Bah i'm gonna stop here. Theres a few more songs on the list but they are mostly just because i really enjoy the sound of em. Ill put them in a quick list.

"I am Murloc" Elite Tauren Chieftain

"Bad Girlfriend" Theory of a Deadman

"Careless Whisper" Seether

"Chicken with a Train" Cowboy Troy

"Swing" Trace Adkins

"I dont Dance" High School Musical (Dont judge me!)

"Let it Go" Frozen (Dont you dare fucking Judge me lol)

[highlonelylustfull]

3-July-2019

I was just listening to Tess’ latest Marco Polo of wisdom with a theme of HOW and WHY am I feeling this way. Taking the time to lean into that feeling, to pay attention to the toddler tugging at your skirt, even when you're exhausted, in a kind loving way, instead of ignoring them, snapping, and having that feeling take a walk around the block and continue to come back to you in other ways until you can lean in and learn the lesson. She also said that she would do for my person what Joan did with Steven for her. Give them the low down basically. Heres how she is, here's what she needs, ect. 

So let’s dive into this bunchiness:

I am feeling very anxious about whether Charlie likes me or not, if he resents leaving Georgie, and if he will or would go back to her. How did this start? It started a few days after the first message he sent me reaching out, and it started by really understanding what he sacrificed for me to be in this relationship, and understanding the stakes. Why? I think because once you have something precious, especially something that you have been holding so tightly onto the mere idea of, and obsessing over, an immediate panic sets in. Knowing what its like to live without it, and now having this beautiful gem, but with having comes the fear of losing. And I think think is fundamentally why I dont want to sate anymore. I want to have, and know. I dont want to fear the loss. However I am coming to see that there is no point in a relationship where you 100% are not going to lose this person, mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. That possibility of loss is the yin to the yang of having. If you do not have, you cannot lose, but also what can you gain? The PTSD of my relationship with Matt has lead me to be weary of anyone leaving a relationship especially for another person, and become aware of the possibility of them getting back together. I have seen it myself with Matt. It is almost always easier and more appealing an idea to go back to what is comfortable, where you can slip back into the old routine, than having to find someone new, create something new, build a new foundation all over again. Why am I so terrified, because I am afraid of being abandoned, and worse traded in for someone I know doesn't treat them as well as I could/would. 

I am also feeling really anxious about how to go about this, being careful not to be too much, and trying to censor myself to not be pushy or overbearing. How did I get here? After being told my whole life how intense, and how much I am, I have grown cautious to be my whole self, expressly. Why, I have seen people give me the deer in headlights looks, when I cross their line of how much is too much, how fast is too fast ect, and how that makes them retreat and ultimately abandon me. Or lead me to leave first before I could ever be abandoned. But I think I need to first find that safety, and intimacy with Charlie, in order to fully express my muchness, and let him know that this is who I am. Although, I was being my crunchy self picking flowers and what not in London, and that's the girl that he fell in love with. The one who texts a bunch of times to make sure she gets it all out and is understood, and that allowed him to be intense as well, there just always seems to be this touchy subject of Georgie, and I am still unaware of how to manoeuvre that. I want him to feel comfortable and safe with me, to create that foundation of intimacy and safety, trust, and love, but I think I also need to ask him for that in return. Because then this could become a situation once again where I am giving more than I am receiving, and grow resentful. So I need to ask for that, but what does that even look like for me?

My first instinct is access. Access to be able to at least view his instagram page.. what is he hiding? Access to know what is going on in his life, via him disclosing everything. Access to his inner emotional turmoil to know truly where he stands with Georgie and with me in these moments. Access to his internal plan calendar to know if he is really planning on coming to Madrid and seeing me, or if its just a lovely thought. I want the VIP all access pass to Charles’ inner workings, which is an intense thing to ask for, but also something that I would be willing to give, and would be honoured and delighted to divulge.  There is a basic level of trust established, but I think that in order to build that trust up and up, I need to see some serious actions. I need more confirmation and assurance. And I would love to know what it is that he needs from me in order to continue to build trust. 

I’m worried this is a one way street, which doesn’t make sense in reality because he has been hitting the ball back in my court will equal force in terms of words, actions, and fantasies. At the beginning I saw that this could be a man to love with as much intensity as me. That deeply understands that. That is also as protective and possessive of the ones he loves as I am with my family. How did I get here? The distance since he has broken up with Georgie has made me question quite a bit. I know that its because he's getting his head screwed on right, and yet that distance is fucking scary. Why, because it means that this person that I care about so deeply, and so much could be experiencing a whole variety of things, and I won't be a part of them. It feels lonely. It leaves me wanting that deep, intense connection that feels so reassuring, like there will be no surprises. Surprises are scary, especially after all the trauma of my life. It’s disorienting. I dont like not being in control, or at least on the same page and understanding deeply what it is that’s going on. 

The things that I was talking about with Gwen yesterday were honestly scary and alarming. That I have given Charlie all the control, that he's been having the upper hand in this whole relationship and I’ve been just waiting on him. It sounds and feels very patronising, disempowering, and belittling. I dont want to ever be in a relationship where one person has all or the majority of power over the other. I want to be fighting next to, not against my partner. I want to be on the same level, not a pedestal above or on my knees below. I think that has been a big reason why I had no respect for the men who I was with, and I know they had me on a pedestal. That they just wanted to not upset me, and knowing that you have all the power isn't fun, because then they're not your partner, they're not your equal. And what I want above all else is someone that can stand up to my intenseness, and not lose their footing. To correct me when I’m wrong, and to more than anything, not to be afraid of me. Just as the last thing on Earth that I want in a partner is to be afraid of them. Thats not a relationship thats a dictatorship as we used to say in PQ. 

I just had a thought of the two diverging rods and the thing that scares me about Charlie, is that I know its my turn right now to be the lighthouse, whinging my light whether he can see it or not, whether he's ready to g back to shore or not, and just be. Stand firm and strong. But, the fear is what if those paths don’t ever come back together? What is he sails straight out into the night and doesn’t ever come back? What then? Abandonment. I can see that most all of these fears are of abandonment. 

[thinkthin-flyerswanted]

Just a little info about my life rn..

So I am more recently seeing a girl. We shall call her DD. So a little over a year ago I met DD in our athletic training room on campus. After adding her on snap and insta I realized how crazy gorgeous this girl was. I immediately knew I wanted to get to know her. I personally was a little chicken shit and could not speak to her really anymore because of the ginormous crush I had developed. Everyone on my sports team knew about said crush but she never did. So I stood back, attended her games, got to know her from an outsider's perspective.

Roughly a month ago, I took a risk and messaged her about hanging out and she said yes. I was so nervous to go out to get a drink with her. I told my three friends at the time and was having an actual panic attack because I was afraid this girl I had had a crush on for over a year actually said yes.

Fast forward..

I make it to date 2. Can you believe it? Making it to date 2 with my crush of over a year. Me still having butterflies in my stomach everytime she messages me. I have another attack before going out. I stress cleaned my whole dorm and car before I pick her up. I see her come out and I still cannot believe this is happening. We talk for hours on end.

Date 3..

We see a movie, I'm thinking wow, maybe I can hold her hand, or maybe we will kiss.. getting ahead of myself. She gives me one of her blankets to use in the theater. It smells of her and it is so nice. You know it's kinda like bubblegum and incense. We are in the theater and a group of guys sit behind us and make a comment. After that there was a definite bar set between us at that point. Neither of us wanted to give them a show.

Fast forward..

we are becoming a lot closer and together a lot more and becoming a bit more touchy with each other (Hugs, light hand holding, and cuddling on couches) things are becoming more like a relationship more than a friendship.

Just another day..

we go to a game of her sport that she no longer plays. We are together most of day and I can tell something is wrong with her. Along with just listening to her. Sometimes listening to someone is all they need. We go back to my dorm and I allow her to spill the things that are bothering her. In the end I'm not sure how much I helped. By the end of it I give her a hug and tell her I appreciate her and she kisses my cheek. My heart literally was jumping out of my chest. She sits back down and we continue to talk and I start to tell her most of the reasons I like her..

...her eyes are this crazy shade of blue, like you get lost when she's talking. Her smile is so contagious, when she smiles I can't imagine a more beautiful sight. Her voice when she talks, even if it is a simple conversation, I could listen to her talk all day and all night. Her hair is so gorgeous, I cannot even get close to describing how amazing her hair is! It's like this massive mane of curls, she can just throw shit up like it's nothing. Her without makeup is so goddamn beautiful and her with makeup is like creating a whole new level of goddess. Don't even get me started on her personality..

..after telling her how anxious she makes me and only some of the many reasons I like her and find her amazing she tells me she is afraid to commit to me because she is graduating. Which I totally understand. Not gonna lie though, I've waited to be with this girl a year.. I dont want to let her go so easily. She then also tells me that she is looking into jobs closer to where we are so me and her can be together and that she wants to know what I'm thinking, what I'm going to say, what I'm doing. This was the moment in my life, I really decided I did not want to let her go. After a little bit more conversing I have my hand in her hair and she kisses my forearm and then says I have to go. I say okay. She then quickly pulls me in and kisses me. This was our first kiss ever! I was so ecstatic. My heart is racing. She leaves and I go back to my room. I practically run up the stairs and my heart is beating out of my chest and I cant stop smiling. I had truly forgotten what it felt like to have reciprocated feelings for someone.

Few days later..

I'm taking DD to the airport so she can see family for a few days. I buy her 2 sunflowers and write a note telling her how I feel and some of the things about her I really like. So I'm sitting in my room waiting to give her these flowers and I over think things and send myself into a panic attack thinking she is going to think I'm being super pushy or that I'm moving to fast or that I'm just weird and clingy. So I nervous paint. I paint a sunflower. Then I stop feeling sorry for myself and go to her room to pick her up. I make her close her eyes and wait for me to see her gift, when I tell her to open them I take a picture with my instax to forever capture the moment she saw my gift. She really liked the flowers and painting. She put the letter in her bag. (Giving me some more ridiculous anxiety). I drive her to the airport. (We do not do much PDA and she really doesnt like holding hands hence the "light" in hand hold I used above) I place my hand in the air waiting for her hand, she grabs my hand and says what? I say I'm holding you hand you are leaving and she takes my hand and interlaces our fingers. I look at her astonished, and say but you dont like holding hands. She says I know but I'm not going to see you for three days. I almost started crying then and there. My heart jumped so hard. Once I get her things out of the car and I'm telling her goodbye (again PDA is not her thing) we hug and then BAM! KISS! I actually almost died. I get into my car and I cannot stop smiling.

Current..

I am picking her up tomorrow night from the airport. I really really really am excited. I cannot wait. I hope she will be excited to see me like I will be to see her. I'm hoping If she is not to tired or jet lagged to allow me to spend the night with her. I just want to lay in bed with her and hold her.

We shall see how this continues...

[princesspraxina]

ok since my queue just popped out my pre-season 2 ship chart, here’s my post-season 2 ship chart and explanations below:

otp status:

nathaniel/iris - still an absolutely angelic ship, adorable. healthy but not perfect, interracial, adorable, i love them, i want them to be happy

praxina/iris - forget you! is such a good fucking episode and praxina just wanted to be happy and good and iris just wanted her to have what she wanted and felt was right and iris letting praxina choose her own path was so good and pure and i love them

mephisto/auriana - i still love them and am holding out for them when mephisto comes back. idk the status of lolirock currently but if theres a season 3 i expect mephisto’s return and i expect tension!

love status:

iris/auriana - did yall see the finale? did yall see that hug? that hug was so good. auriana loves iris so much. theyre so cute and good to each other and i love them

iris/talia - i also really love how these two are dedicated to each other. it’s wholesome and good and i love them a lot

like status:

auriana/talia - i love these two a lot but sometimes it feels like they wouldnt be friends if not for the mission, so its moved from love to like. i still enjoy them plenty and appreciate fanstuff for them, i just like them better with iris lol

talia/praxina - i still enjoy the potential for this ship a lot, i liked how talia was suspicious of praxina in forget you! but then at the end she wanted praxina to stay good, and i loved her saying wow! when praxina smiled her first genuinely happy smile

talia/kyle - i didnt like them initially because i was annoyed that kyle never came back, but now that he did, i find them way better! talia acknowledged her crush as such, kyle wasnt a pushy dumbass like in his first ep, they were more like an actual shippable couple this time! im glad he came back tbh

praxina/auriana - remember when auriana was like “nooo, you look great!” and praxina blushed like a fool? yes. i love them. i love that auriana can make praxina blush like that

matt/auriana - i still really liked them even if matt has disappeared and will likely never return

don’t mind status:

nathaniel/doug - doug has become irrelevant but theyre still buddies so its fine

iris/mephisto - i still dont get why more people dont ship this. nat/iris is obviously better but meph/iris is pretty good. they have lots of really sweet moments. the “id be happy to serve you as queen of ephedia” line? forreal? good shit

carissa/mephisto - ive seen this a few times and its not bad. i prefer carissa as a lesbian but she and mephisto worked together well and i like how she beats the shit out of him

doug/praxina - i thought this was gonna be praxina’s “canon het ship” in case of redemption but then in forget you! they had an opportunity to interact that just...didnt happen! so i guess it was my misinterpretation. so i still like it but its pointless to me

carrisa/lyna - i thought these two would be more shippable but in the end i find them more annoying as a pair than cute. they dont seem to like each other much or share any interests, but are mature enough to work together for a just cause. so im good with the ship but it doesnt appeal to me

dislike status:

doug/auriana - i dont reeaaally have a problem with this ship its just, yknow, boring! theyre really cute bffs, i love them taking that selfie together. also doug kind of is barely in the show anymore so who cares

lev/lyna - ive only seen this once and its super boring. thats it. its just boring. whys it exist? because for some reason this fandom thinks we need more het ships

hate status:

iris/lev - lev is boring and pointless, but it’s not a notp cuz i DO see the appeal. but really, iris/nat is way better and i dont think lev was a necessary character esp considering the small number of episodes he was in

notp status:

talia/mephisto - this ship sucks it was made up by homophobes who are obsessed with mephisto and draw nsfw art of teenagers! whats the appeal? there IS no appeal! i used to think id ship any interracial ship that was thrown my way but sometimes life proves ya wrong. anyway this ship is Bad and im tired of seeing it

praxina/that one guy whose name i dont know because he’s completely irrelevant and uninteresting and she deserves better than being paired with a random ass guy just for the sake of unnecessary heterosexuality - oh i accidentally said it already cuz i dont know his name cuz he’s pointless, yeah, so. who is he? who cares. he’s pointless. if youre gonna ship praxina with a random dude why did it have to be such a boring ass white boy ohhhh my god. im tired of seeing praxina/this guy shit when i search her on google! google doesnt include my tumblr blacklist. oh wait i cant even blacklist this shit cuz idk his name cuz hes pointless!! anyway i love praxina and she deserves better than this bullshit. another ship made up by homophobes, btw, so, extra annoying

ot3 status:

auriana/iris/talia - in that order! i love polyrock. polyrock is good, its golden, its beautiful. girls loving girls. these girls loving each other. its wonderful

mephisto/auriana/praxina - i guess, obviously, not with all three of them, but more like auriana with each twin on one arm? i love how she makes both their hearts race, it’s adorable. i love it

[nobodysbusiness2]

6/5/20

Today was pretty good. Nothing too exciting. I'm trying to buy a car right now. We took my dog to the dog park and then went by a car dealership. The guy was too pushy and I don't known how I feel about the car. Money is more of an issue than I thought It was going to be. I thought I was set. But I don't think it's going to be so simple. I could have gone to karate with mom and James but I decided not to so I could stay with the dogs. In glad I did because Theresa wasn't there and Rob and Debbie apparently talked for a long time about the riots and everything, and it seemed like mom and James got into it about something on the way home. So I made the right choice. I watched the suite life of Zack and Cody and did my nails and crocheted. I'm making a small table cloth for moms side table in the living room.

I tried to tell Diana about the conversations mom and I have been having about BLM and the riots and everything, and how I feel like it's productive and she's trying to learn, and she snapped back with how it was bullshit of her and everything. So I'm just not responding now because I don't know what to say and dont want to deal with it. Its not like I can argue with her. Idk. That's annoying and kinda stressful but I dont want to deal with it right now. I like being with Diana and mom individually but any time they cross paths and are together I'm stressed out because there's so much conflict between them and neither of them know how to talk to the other without pissing them off.

I wore a crop top out today. Even mom didn't care. Just another thing I can do that I couldn't for the past 2 years. I also took the dogs for a walk tonight again. It feels really freeing to not be with him anymore.

Yesterday he sent me a Snapchat that was something like "I'm waiting for you to come around" and "I will wait for you." that was kinda upsetting and made me really question whether I should still be talking with him or not. So I called him and we talked about it. He didnt have much to say. I just said "I wanted to make sure I made myself clear" and that it wasnt healthy to be waiting for me or anything like that because I stand by what I have said and nothing has changed. I genuinely dont see me getting back together with him because I know it's unhealthy. This feels good and healthy. Truth be told it hasn't been hard for me at all. I've just been celebrating all of the basic things I couldn't do before. While we were on the phone yesterday he talked about how getting a job in Florida means he's going to have to take all of these tests and how Florida sucks and his license is being a pain and how he just cant catch a break, and that was ressuring to me too, because I am just so glad to not be caught in the middle of all of that. I have my own problems like buying a car, getting a job, figuring out where I'm going to live, etc. But being away from him means there's not all of this heavy emotional exhaustion and anxirlety that comes with all of that. I feel lighter and not so tense. I'm thankful for the people around me.

I don't know if I'll ever totally come out about all of the things that happened in those 2 years. I don't particularly want to. Honestly, Mackenzie knows by far the most. She was easy to talk to about it. I want to stay in contact with her and watch where she goes and who she becomes.