#then christmas pictionary

[shoutsindwarvish]

what if i brought my magen david rainbow flag into work but also buy a desk-sized palestinian flag to put next to it so that people know to stop wishing me merry christmas but also don’t make any other assumptions

i’m almost definitely not going to because it’ll be striking a hornet’s nest but getting so fucking tired of how much my team is openly assuming everyone is christian (complete with multiple explicit mentions of the church and jesus himself in our last meeting of things/people that coworkers were grateful for)

like yeah it would be inappropriate for me to bring politics to work and will probably make people uncomfortable but THEY STARTED IT

[skylilac]

what games do adults play at dinner parties LMFAOOOOOO this is so dumb

[mmarigoldiee]

✵ 100 Days of Productivity ✵

day six - 11.25.22

dusted and swept bedroom, cleaned upstairs bathroom

decorated upstairs christmas tree

wrapped presents

absolutely destroyed at catchphrase

song: starting line by luke hemmings

i feel the walls are closin', i'm running out of time

the only thing i've learned this week is that i am fantastic at pictionary and catchphrase, and honestly, that's all that's important. i am officially waiting on one more christmas present. i didn't get to do much today because we had family randomly showing up and needed to clean our house lol.

[htmliu]

𖤐 ִֶָ 𓂃 what dating dream’s 00 line is like

⠀ ⠀⠀ genre. fluffluffluff wc. ≈520

(✵) ; HUANG RENJUN. lavender-scented sheets, LAUGHS between kisses, evening walks with your arms interlaced, candle-lit dinners in your living room, spontaneous museum dates, pinky promises, board games and coffee mugs, promise rings, picnics in spring, photobooth strips, amusement park trips, feeling comfortable in the silence, the smell of fresh paint, playing animal crossing, birthday letters, solving puzzles by the fireplace, wine glasses, eyes meeting whenever you laugh, him fixing your hair, but also getting shy when you do the same for him, sitting by the veranda and talking all night about anything in the world, sharing airpods, cuddling on rainy nights, handmade gifts

(✵) ; LEE JENO. sharing hoodies (bc he thinks you look cute in his clothes), neck kisses, failed attempts at trying to cook together and ordering takeout right after, playing with his hair, matching phone cases and lockscreens, resting your head on his lap, cat cafe dates, shy smiles, snaking his hand around your waist, pulling you closer to himself, ikea trips for the shits and giggles, holding hands while crossing the road, tying your laces, CLINGY hugs, sharing cat videos with each other, compliments you but ends up getting shy himself, smothering each other with kisses when the other is in a sulky mood, gives you his jacket on cold nights, uses corny pick up lines and smiles thinking he nailed it, back massages, him playing with your hands

(✵) ; LEE DONGHYUCK. LONG video calls, dancing in the kitchen, surprising you with kisses, late-night runs to the ice cream shop, talking all night long, movie dates (cheesy chick flicks), him attempting to recreate scenes from the said cheesy chick flicks with you, playful bantering, drunken karaoke nights, knowing the lyrics to each other’s favorite songs, plushies from the arcade, smell of sharpie, smiling at the sun, BACK HUGS, nose kisses, lazy mornings, sending something to you when it reminds him of you, playing pictionary, gifting each other ugly christmas sweaters every year, singing along to the radio, belly rubs, making playlists for each other, tousled hair, having silly pics of the other in your camera rolls, NICKNAMES, kissing his moles, he likes to call himself your personal ramen chef, finds it cute when you wear his glasses

(✵) ; NA JAEMIN. stay in dates, candid pictures, coffee runs, late night drives with no destination in mind; just smiles, forehead kisses, corny couple t-shirts bc he thought it was funny, breakfast in bed, him cooking for you, back hugs where you snuggle your face into the crook of his neck which results in the two of breaking into giggles, polaroids, waves crashing, hair hitting your face, sharing silly selfies with each other, smiling while he listens to you, grocery shopping, you once caught him on a call with your mom (he was trying to learn how to make your comfort dishes), smiling in between kisses, talking about your childhoods, oversized white tees, cosy movie nights, kisses you to shut you up when he doesn’t know how else to calm you down, sending cat videos to each other (2), bubble baths and wine, “my love,” star gazing, SMILES, lots of GIFT giving and receiving

© HTMLIU

[nikethestatue]

A Match Baked In Heaven

Sorry for the long break y'all. Life and all. Here is an update.

Chapter XV

Things Ain’t Like They Used To Be

The beginning of the end started innocuously and unremarkably. There was nothing to suggest that things would be changing. And they shouldn’t have been changing either, because everything was…happiness. 

Azriel had disappeared soon after Christmas dinner was over and the last of the trifle was eaten, and Elain couldn’t find him. However, since she couldn’t find Piglet either, she hoped that her boys were together. 

She had a fun night, singing carols, teasing Nesta along with Cassian, and risking her wrath, because Cassian was hilarious and Nesta was all pissy since Elain and Cassian teamed up for the first round of games. Then, while drinking after-dinner cocktails, everyone played more games, and Feyre and their father won. Rhys and Elain came in second, but Rhys lamented that Azriel wasn’t around because he’d beat everyone. 

“He is wildly competitive,” Rhys whispered to Elain. “Not surprising considering he is a professional athlete, but that man will win any game.”

It was then that Elain realised how much she missed Azriel next to her. After their silly row earlier in the day, things weren’t the same and Elain hated it! She hated that their first Christmas together wasn’t perfect. The fact that she even had him with her here, in Rosehall, with her family, having Christmas with all of them like he was part of the family, part of her, was exhilarating enough! She never thought that it would happen; that she’d be at her ancestral home, with the man she loved, with her sisters, her father, her dog, but here they were. Therefore, while the festivities were still going strong, Elain slipped away from the reception and went to find Azriel and Piglet. Just before she rounded the corner though, she heard Cassian’s voice calling her,

“Hey, petal. Wait up.”

Cassian looked a little buzzed, his jacket off, his white tuxedo shirt unbuttoned at the collar, the bow tie untied and hanging over his neck, his hair flowing just past his shoulders. No wonder Nesta, the icy, prickly Nesta, was all aflutter over him. The man was almost pornographically handsome, in the most primal of ways. This was the man who was going to bend you over, fuck you within an inch of your life, and you’d turn around and thank him. The raw, beasial beauty of him was truly breathtaking.

Elain stopped her thoughts spiralling out of control, because it was probably inappropriate to think of her sister’s new love interest in this manner. But Elain was…horny. Since last night, she was horny (well, she’s been horny and a little desperate for a while now) and the phantom feel of Azriel’s wicked hand inside of her still lingered and offered a pleasant memory by keeping her sore and wet.

Nevertheless, Elain thought that if Azriel wasn’t her soulmate, she’d absolutely give Cassian a lot of attention. Because this man was devastating. 

He came closer, propping his arm against the wall. Elain looked up at him, all 6”6 of him and he snickered, “Well, we destroyed them at Pictionary, didn’t we?”

“We annihilated!” Elain agreed savagely, nodding.

Cassian laughed at her, but then his face changed to a more serious expression, and he asked,

“Az treating you good, petal?”

Elain frowned at the strange question and said,

“He is!”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Why?”

Cassian avoided answering directly, instead, saying,

“He can get a little intense, you know,”

Elain laughed at that.

“You think?” she shook her head. 

“Are you okay with that?”

“That he is incredibly intense, barks ‘you are mine!’ and has me saved as ‘Mrs. Night’ on his phone?” she raised her brow at Cassian.

He pressed his tongue into his cheek and after a long pause, nodded at last. 

“Yes, that’s what I mean.”

She shrugged, 

“He is also generous, loving, unbelievably inappropriate but also strangely gallant. I have to take the good with the bad and the questionable,” she said decisively.

“He is new to all of this,” Cassian reminded her cautiously.

“What?”

Cassian paused again, until he finally uttered, 

“Love.”

Elain swallowed loudly, unable to respond. 

She and Azriel had never gone as far as the ‘L” word. They’ve exchanged words of tenderness, and Azriel never stopped coming up with new and extravagant endearments for her. But he never said that he was in love with her, and neither did she tell him the same.

“You know his history,” Cassian continued, “he never felt like this about a woman. Never been with a woman long enough to feel much of anything.”

“Cass, I think it’s premature to discuss all of this,” Elain muttered, her tone panicked.

Cassian ran his tongue over his lower lip and said, “Just be gentle with him, Elain. Be kind to his heart. He is not himself because of you.”

“What do you mean?” she demanded, worrying her lip with her teeth.

“Nothing really. Just that he is navigating a wholly new territory. He isn’t as confident as he appears to be.”

“Azriel…he is very special to me,” Elain murmured.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what you shouldn’t tell him,” Cassian warned quickly.

Her brow furrowed, “what, exactly?”

“Special. Don’t use words like that with him. You either confess your love for him and tell him that you are his. Or nothing, He doesn’t do things halfway. It’s all or nothing with him.”

Elain sighed, thinking. What Cassian was saying made sense, though she wasn’t sure how to approach that conversation yet.

“Thanks Cassian. But we are just fine. Brilliant even.”

He grunted something unintelligible and then said, “well, good night then. Happy Christmas, Elain. I didn’t think that that’s where we’d be for Christmas, but I can’t say that I mind it.”

She smiled and nodded, “yeah, I don’t mind it as well. Happy Christmas.”

Elain turned and she was almost out of sight, when Cassian called after her again.

“Oi!”

She glanced over her shoulder at him, watching him rub his chin, looking pensive.

“You been to his flat?” he questioned. 

Another odd inquiry.

She nodded, “yes. We went to his yesterday. Why?”

“You liked it?”

“The views were amazing!!” she said enthusiastically. “But Canary Wharf…you know,” she shrugged indifferently.

“Boring, eh?”

Elain grinned, “it is!”

“Did you see a cage anywhere?” he suddenly asked.

“A cage?” Elain looked utterly confused. “What cage?”

“So no cage?”

“Oh, for Piglet? Yes. Az got him three beds and a ton of toys, but also a huge cage! Can you imagine?” she giggled.

Cassian stilled at her words.

“Yeah,” he murmured thoughtfully. “He was talking about it.”

“Pigled isn’t into cages,” Elain huffed. “He’d bite him if he was put in a cage!’

“That’s what I told him too,” Cassian smiled at her. “Well, good night then.”

“Night Cass!”

-

Elain opened the door to the bedroom quietly and tiptoed inside. It was dim in the room, only one lamp illuminating the spacious, luxurious space. She heard Piglet and his little snores first. Then she found Azriel lying on the bed, dressed in joggers and a t-shirt, his arm thrown over his eyes. He was barefoot and looked comfortable in his sleep, his breathing deep and even. Piglet was sleeping on his side next to his dad, oblivious to everything, not even sensing Elain’s arrival. Or if he did, he didn’t react. Great guard dog he was! But she supposed he was trusting Azriel to protect her from serial killers lurking in the garden. He was apparently ‘off duty’.

She watched them for a moment, until suddenly Azriel opened his arms, but not his eyes. Wordlessly, Elain approached the bed and climbed on top of him, straddling his hips and burying her face in his chest. His arms banded around her and he pressed her closer to him. She didn’t care that she was wearing her dress and that her voluminous skirt took up half of the bed. She didn’t even care about wearing shoes. 

He stroked her bare back lightly, his harsh, uneven skin and strong fingers sending shivers of pleasure down her body. 

“I thought I lost you,” Elain whispered, her voice sounding desperate.

He sighed and drew his hand along her spine.

“No. Not just yet.”

“Yet?” she gasped and looked up at him.

His face was sombre, but then he smiled at her and caressed her head, and then her face.

“Are we fighting?” she asked, knowing how stupid she sounded, but she didn’t even care. She knew that she kind of freaked out at him in the morning and it was so silly–all because of ‘Mrs. Night’ on his phone. 

“Do you want to fight?” he asked seriously, watching her closely.

She shook her head. 

“No. No I don’t.”

“Alright then. We’ll leave the fighting until after Christmas.”

“But you left,” she whispered. “So you are angry with me?”

He smiled at her gently and lied, “nah, I just have a headache. Pink was also all partied out, so I took him out–sorry, there is a pile of his turds somewhere in the garden–and then we came back here.”

Elain rubbed her cheek against his neck, breathing in his crisp, sharp scent, as she clutched his biceps, feeling her fingers tremble. The stress of thinking that he’d left her, that he got into his car and drove away suddenly hit her so hard, she shivered and felt cold sweat cover her body at once. 

“What's wrong?” he asked, feeling her tension and her unease. He tipped her chin up and looked down at her with a frown.

“Nothing,” she said. “All is good,” she stroked his arm. “All is good now.”

She sat up, still straddling him and then cupped his face in her palm. 

“Everything is good, Az. Because you are with me.”

He gave her an assessing glance, like he didn’t believe her, and then asked, “is that enough?”

“Yes. For me it is.”

She reached into her bag, which was left by the bed, and took out a small box, wrapped in a blue ribbon.

“I wanted to give you your Christmas gift.”

She blushed at the words and ducked her head shyly, handing the box to him. Azriel sat up, cocking his brow and looked at it with interest, and maybe even surprise. When she attempted to slide off him, he wrapped his arm around her hips, keeping her in place and said, “open it”.

Elain pulled on the ribbon and then opened the box. 

He looked inside and then declared with a grin, “yes, yes I will!”

“Wha…”

“It’s a ring! You are asking me to marry you?” he said definitively. “So I am saying ‘yes’,”

“My god!” she swatted at him. “That’s not what it is! You are a madman!”

“Maybe I am, or maybe I am not, but I am now an engaged madman,” he told her. “Put a ring on it, baby,” and he wiggled his finger at her.

Exasperated, Elain sighed dramatically and announced, 

“It’s for the headaches you get…that everybody gives you. It’s supposed to stimulate brain activity and specific pressure points and relieve your headaches,”

He stared at her and then laughed out loud, startling Piglet, who looked over his shoulder with a sleepy, bewildered gaze wondering what was happening.

“Sorry little lad,” Azriel patted the pug’s side. “Go back to sleep.”

“This is amazing, beautiful!” he exclaimed then. “And invaluable. Between my teammates and Cass and Rhys, this is the perfect gift!”

Elain smiled happily and added, “it’s not the only thing it does. If you press here,” she showed him, “you’ll get background noise to sleep, or drown out any other noises. I imagine that travelling with your team could get loud at times.”

“Yes, indeed,” he agreed, looking at the ring and pressing invisible buttons. 

“It measures all your vitals,” Elain added. “And tells you to sleep if you aren’t sleeping enough,”

“Where did you get this?”

“I had it custom made. Just for you.”

Azriel put the ring on his thumb and twisted his tattooed hand in front of his eyes, admiring the new bring. It was an elegant piece–black, with a silver insert.

“Do you like it?” she asked shyly, rubbing her finger over his thumb.

Azriel cupped her cheek in his hand and pulled her closer to him.

His breath fanned over her bare shoulder, when he placed a gentle kiss on it.

“You are magical, Elain Archeron. A little faery,” he whispered. “I am one lucky fucker.”

Elain snorted and scoffed, “your language is the worst!”

“Sorry, pretty girl, you’ll have to live with it for the rest of your life,” he shrugged innocently. 

“Oh is that so? The rest of my life?” 

He drew his thumb over his lower lip, his expression sobering and becoming more serious.

Elain thought that he’d go on some tangent about marriage and her being his, but instead, he said, “I wasn’t sure if I should give you your present…”

He rustled under his pillow and then pulled out a box. It was much too large for a ring, and Elain, who was waiting with bated breath, wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed. But whatever it was, she was excited to see it. 

“Stay where you are,” Azriel ordered firmly, insisting that she remain seated atop of his hips. “You may take the dress off, if you so desire,” he suggested casually.

“I’ll decide once I see what you got me,” she told him firmly and he smiled. 

“Well, happy Christmas then,” he murmured and opened the box for her. Elain’s breath skittered over his hands when she beheld a stunning diamond and sapphire necklace displayed against the cream satin of the box. It was a Vacheron Constantin no less–the finest of the finest. Not a trifling thing either–a ‘garden’ necklace of clusters of large diamonds and even larger sapphires, shaped into a chain of flowers. A gift that a husband would give his wife for the holidays (if he were a millionaire footballer that is). 

“Azriel,” she sucked in her breath, entranced by the exquisite beauty of the necklace.

He was about to unleash on her for saying ‘I couldn’t possibly’, but she beat him to it and suddenly–to his utter delight–pulled up her long curled hair and presented him with her long delicate neck. “Put it on me?”

Azriel’s head went quiet. There was something profound about this moment, with Elain allowing him to put this visible ‘collar’ around her neck–accepting him, permitting him to do that to her. For her. He moved closer: her breasts, still contained within her structured dress, pressed into his chest, and he loved the feel of them, while he wrapped his arms around her and fastened the lock of the necklace in the back of her neck.

“Beautiful,” he breathed, watching the diamonds gleam and sparkle in the low light.

“Is it too much?” she wondered, as her fingers slid over the stones.

“No. Just enough,” he decided, admiring her. “A little bouquet of diamonds and sapphires for my pretty flower girl.”

Elain's necklace

Fucking beat a crown that Rhys put on Feyre. Damn peacock. 

“May I remove this unnecessarily big dress for you?” Azriel offered smoothly, and without waiting for an answer, he found the zipper in the back of her gown.

“Az, we can’t do it!” she hissed in alarm.

“Do what, exactly?” he teased, while he slowly slid the zipper down.

Scrambling and bumbling, she muttered, “you know! that…You know what!”

“That and what, huh,” he chuckled. “It’s not like I’ve been anticipating getting laid tonight, sweetness. I mean, I’ve pretty much lost all hope by now, but,”

“Excuse me!” she exclaimed. “We’ve been dating for 3 weeks!”

“I feel like it’s been much longer, since October.” He corrected her, while opening the dress up in the back and letting it fall away from her body.

“October? October?!?!” she cried. “No way! We only met in October.”

“Well, and I’ve been dating you since I’ve met you,” he reminded her calmly. “Not sure what you’ve been doing.”

“Well, I,”

“Yeah, so it’s pretty reasonable for me to expect to have sex with my girlfriend after three months,”  he glared at her.

“I can’t!” she argued weakly. “Not with my dad in the same house…and Piglet right here,”

“Oh, bring dad into this, why don’t you! And Pinky is a dog, who cares?!”

“A dog? He isn’t a dog. He is my son!” she argued fiercely. “I gave birth to him, you know!”

“Uh-uh, did you now? I beg to differ,”

“Why is that?”

“Because I don’t remember making him, and the only son you’d be birthing would be mine,” he stated definitively. “So there is that.”

“I don’t think that’s how it is,”

“I do. But we’ll have fun making ours,” Azriel promised and gently squeezed her nipple between his fingers.

While she was pontificating about being her pug’s birth mother, Azriel managed to bare her to him and now he whistled softly to himself. 

A fine pair of full, pear-shaped breasts had tumbled from her gown and they were incredible. Azriel has had his share of peeks and glances, but even last night, when he was fingering her, she was still wearing a bra. Now, the titties were out, and before Elain could make up some excuse, he was dipping his face to them and before she could even gasp, he latched onto her nipple with his lips, pulling hard, and sucking half of her breast into his mouth. His hand wrapped around her neck–not choking her, but keeping her keen and at attention–while he circled his tongue around the nipple, as he held her on top of him firmly. Elain inhaled sharply, watching him, while he crouched in his uncomfortable position, and watched her. 

Elain was warm and soft, and her sublime tit was like melted butter on his tongue–silky and soft and rich. She felt so good in his arms, shivering every time he gave her little swollen bud another suck, his thumb stroking her lovely neck, his fingers brushing against the cold of her new necklace. He also liked the way the ring looked on his thumb. Black and sexy.

He pulled away from her breast and then licked her other nipple, nipping on it with his teeth, before biting roughly. She yipped, but he only drew his thumb over her mouth, quieting her down.

“I am not gonna fuck you tonight,” he whispered, sucking on the other nipple as well, making it nice and puffy, “only under one condition,”

“What?” she breathed sharply, her eyes wide, her skin hot in his hands.

“You are sleeping nice and naked. Next to me. Don’t care about Pink here, don’t care about dad, or anyone else. You’re sleeping naked and I am jamming my dick into her bare arse.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, Ellie. Although of course you may wear the necklace.”

“Ohhh, you are so magnanimous!” she scoffed, though her fingers tangled in his hair and she very clearly enjoyed what he was doing to her. He kissed each lovely globe with small, tender kisses, then he licked around the nipples, soft and slow, savouring every bit of her skin. Elain panted and rubbed against him, the thin material of his joggers getting pleasantly damp against her pussy. 

“I am that,” he nodded in agreement and then fell back on the pillows. “Go clean up and I expect you next to me, nice and naked and wet, sharpish. Got it?”

Elain rolled her eyes, but climbed off of him and walked to the bathroom, dragging her dress around her hips, while he was chuckling an evil laugh.

While Elain was in the bathroom, Piglet woke up for a few minutes and then demanded that Azriel spoon him. Azriel moved away a bit, and Piglet moved closer, then Azriel moved again, and Piglet sidled up to him. Once Azriel got the message, he tugged the pug closer to him, but the moment he removed his hand, Piglet put his paw on his hand, indicating that he better be snuggled right this minute. So Azriel had no choice but to cuddle the dog next to his body, and Piglet put both of his paws over Azriel’s forearm, keeping him in place. Piglet was going to take full advantage of this situation–he wasn’t allowed to sleep in the same bed with his Elain and while he could nap in her bed–which he often did–sleeping overnight wasn’t permitted. Here, today, he knew he was going to sleep with her and Az, and he was going to require full-on snuggles while he was at it. As soon as he had Azriel in his possession, Piglet fell back asleep.

“Close your eyes!” Azriel heard.

He laughed.

“Absolutely not!”

“Fine, I am not coming out then.”

“You gonna sleep in the tub, Ellie-girl?”

“If I have to!”

He snorted and then said, “fine. My eyes are closed.”

“Truly?”

“Absolutely. Come on, come out.”

Elain tiptoed into the bedroom and gasped, because Azriel was snuggling with the sleeping Piglet, and had his eyes WIDE open.

“I hate you,” she moaned.

But Azriel’s big hazel eyes lit up at the sight of her and she gushed, “you are so fucking gorgeous, Ellie. I can’t believe my stupid luck.”

Elain blushed at his words and wrung her fingers nervously and she silently walked across the carpet. She had kept her word–she was completely nude except for her new gorgeous necklace. 

“You’ll have to be the biggest spoon, baby,” Azriel told her. “I’ve been made to spoon the fur son. He was cross with me when I attempted to move,”

Elain chuckled, secretly enjoying how his eye devoured her. She never considered her body to be anything remotely perfect, but the way Azriel was looking at her made her think that maybe she’d been too hard on herself. Maybe seeing her through his eyes was all she ever needed, because he saw the beauty in her that she never allowed herself to acknowledge. 

She got in bed next to him–his massive body warm and firm, exuding his innate strength, but also calmness, all the while brimming with power. It felt good. Like she was in the safest place in the world. 

“Did you like Christmas?” she asked quietly, kissing his shoulder.

“It’s a good Christmas,” he stated simply. “You and me and the dog. Well, and family, I guess.”

She laughed at that. He was very nonchalant about the ‘family’ bit.

…Surprisingly, even though there was a naked Elain in bed with him, Azriel fell asleep quickly and without any usual struggles. Perhaps, her gift was already working? Or perhaps he was in the place where he always meant to be.

When Azriel opened his eyes, bleary sunlight was already streaming through the windows. From where he lay, he could see the muted pink sunrise, pale light tentatively touching the ground in the vast park of the estate. 

He could get used to it, he thought. The life of a country gentleman: caring for his manor, a bunch of dogs and horses on the grounds, a glass of whiskey at night by the fireplace, his Elain tending to her gardens, being the lady of the house, running charities and organising their social calendar. Yes, he wouldn’t mind that at all. Wouldn’t mind railing her on the daily either. 

Elain’s gorgeous naked body was outlined by the morning light, the lovely curve of her bottom so sumptuous, Azriel had to bite his lip to keep himself from groaning out loud. She stood by the window, her foot tapping softly behind her, her long hair cascading down her back. Azriel was pleased to see that her nipples were still nicely plump and swollen from all the attention that he’d paid them overnight. 

Gently setting Piglet aside Azriel rose swiftly and sat up on the bed, rubbing his face sleepily. He inspected his leg–it looked normal now and therefore, he knew that his little holiday was coming to an end. After the new year, he was going back onto the field. His last checkup was going to be on December 28th. If he was cleared to return to playing, his first game was going to be the first week of January. And it’s not that he didn't want to return to the game–he’d missed it: his team and his boys and the thrill of the game–but he also knew that his time with Elain and Pinky would suffer once he got back on the road. And that made him sad. 

He looked at Elain again, silently observing the sensual heaviness of her breast, the pretty curve of her belly, the softness of her shoulder. With sudden, acute clarity, he also saw her standing in the same spot, but this time, with her stomach round and heavy with his baby. 

Fuuuuuck. He was feeling broody. 

He rubbed his face again, trying to shake off the image. But somehow, it was seared into his brain now. Elain glorious nakedness didn’t help him clear his mind of dreams of impregnating her and watching her get round with his son. 

At last, he stood up and walked soundlessly towards her, startling her when he brashly cupped her warm bare pussy in his hand.

“Az!” she gasped. 

He kissed her neck softly and murmured, “that’s my name, baby. Good morning, my Ellie.”

She melted against him almost immediately, her sweet arse moulding into his cock just like he wanted it. Pink didn’t budge the whole night, and as much as Azriel tried, he couldn’t spoon Elain, because the dog was in the way. Even when Azriel released him a couple of times and tried to turn on his other side, Piglet growled and then crawled over him and planted himself between their bodies. There was no escaping him.

“Our first Christmas morning together,” Azriel whispered, and buried his face in her neck, gently stroking her soft pussy, while he cupped her breast in his palm and teased her nipple lazily.

“Oh…” she breathed blissfully, “this feels so good…”

“I am here to make you feel good, Ellie. That’s going to be my full time job. Fuck football!” 

She laughed and patted his hand, “not yet. I want to have a brawny footballer as a boyfriend for a little while. Before you get all old and become a coach,”

“Old?!” he exclaimed, outraged. “I am going to be 30!”

“Yeah. Old.”

“No respect for your elders,” he shook his head.

“Oh, look, look,” Elain pointed outside, and then bounced on her toes with excitement. 

Azriel looked out, seeing that the garden was covered in fresh snow, just in time for Christmas. Out in the cold, Nesta Archeron was running laps. She was thin, ramrod straight, her hair tied in a severe ponytail. 

“She runs every morning,” Elain sighed, shaking her head. “She never misses a day. Can you imagine?”

Azriel didn’t want to remind her that he also ran every day, and exercised for a few hours too, so he simply said, “she is very dedicated.”

Elain huffed, muttering, “well, I’d rather have a cup of coffee and a croissant.”

Azriel did not doubt that one bit. But he only kissed her shoulder and her neck and caressed her silken breast in his palm. He liked his soft and plush Elain, where he could touch and squeeze her lush body to his heart’s delight, and feel her supple flesh and not a pile of bones. 

“Ohmygod,” Elain gasped. Azriel looked to see what got her so excited and then smirked with amusement. 

There was his brother, in a pair of joggers and a sleeveless hoodie, his long hair tied into a topknot, running behind Nesta. 

Cassian pounded the ground steadily and when Nesta heard him, she turned around and was clearly surprised to see him. He greeted her indifferently, like this was what he did every day. And he did–Azriel knew that Cassian ran too. But he was quite sure that Cassian wasn’t so dedicated that he’d normally run on Christmas morning. No. This was a ruse. Cassian wanted to run with Nesta.

Elain watched the two with rapt attention and then turned swiftly in Azriel’s arms and asked, “do you think he fancies her?”

“Yeah he fancies her,” Azriel confirmed simply and kissed the tip of her nose.

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure. Can’t you see?”

“You know, she never dates!” Elain exclaimed in frustration. “Never ever. And…well, I like Cassian,”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes,” she nodded. “I think he would be good for her. He is warm and funny and good.”

Azriel agreed. And Cassian would be the right person for Nesta too. He could handle her. He liked a challenge, but he was also emotionally intelligent enough to know what a woman like Nesta needed. 

“Alright,” Azriel decided, hauling Elain up in his arms, “let’s go back to bed and make out.”

-

Piglet was overheated.

Which is why he was presently lying on the cool stone tiles of the palace and was being fanned by Feyre and his Elain. They sat next to him with magazines in their hands and were frantically trying to cool him off. 

“You couldn’t have been more careful?” Feyre hissed at her husband accusingly. “And you?!” she snarled at Nesta. 

“Okay, Feyre darling, in my defence,” Rhys said pacifically, “I am not well familiar with a pug’s internal cooling system in a snowball fight,”

Elain couldn’t help but snort a laugh.

Azriel was observing all of this with a disdainful look on his face, as he shook his head.

“This damn pug is more of a diva than Mariah Carey!” he crossed his arms on his broad chest, watching the two girls on their knees, fanning–literally–over the panting dog. “Just in the last 48 hours, he ran into a wall and knocked himself out, then he attempted to poison himself with some flowers, and now he is overheated from a snowball fight. Whatever will the next 48 hours bring…” he pondered.

Dad was being mean of course, but Piglet didn’t even care. Because whatever. He had so much fun during the snowball fight that he’d do it all over again. Hey, yolo and all!

-

So this is what happened:

When Piglet woke up in the morning, it was because dad and his Elain were doing something that looked a lot like wrestling on the bed. They pushed at him, and he woke up, only for the big man–Cass–to burst through the doors the next moment and scream ‘snowball fight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

Then all hell broke loose, because dad yelled at Cassian, who already left the room, for seeing Elain naked, and Piglet didn’t know what all the fuss was about, because he saw his Elain naked all the time and it was no big deal. He escorted her to the loo and to the bathroom pretty much all the time, just to make sure that she was okay and didn’t need his help, or that she didn’t just disappear somewhere. 

Everyone had gathered downstairs soon after. There wasn’t even breakfast! Piglet only got some water and a banana, which he had to eat in a hurry, so he trotted to the gathering holding it in his mouth. 

“Couples can’t be together!” Cassian declared loudly. 

“Why not?” Feyre demanded instantly.

“No. That’s not how it works. You can’t be with Rhys. And I can’t be with Nes,” he continued.

“We aren’t a couple,” Nesta reminded him coolly.

“But I want to be with Azriel,” Elain whined, clutching Azriel’s hand.

“Yeah,” Azriel nodded, “I wouldn’t mind being with Ellie too,”

“Like I said,” Cassian rolled over all the objections, “no couples.”

“So what do you propose we do?” Rhys demanded, tapping his fingers on his bicep impatiently.

Piglet watched the humans negotiate for a good ten minutes, while he chewed his banana and rolled his eyes. They were slow and indecisive and kind of annoying too.

“What about Piglet?” Elain exclaimed at last.

Piglet looked at all of them, challenging them with a wordless yeah, what about Piglet, indeed?

“He doesn’t have thumbs,” Rhys reminded her. “He can’t make snowballs.”

At that, Piglet huffed. 

Cassian rubbed his chin and said, “whoever gets him will have a distraction, for sure. He might come in handy actually,”

At least somebody was talking sense. 

Piglet got onto his hind leg and suggested that maybe Cassian take him on his team. But, naturally, as luck would have it, Piglet ended up on the worst team ever–with Nesta and Rhysand. They picked the short straw which egregiously meant him. 

The final breakdown was Cassian and Elain, Feyre and Azriel, and Nesta and Rhys and Piglet.

And so it began. 

Rhys had the audacity to ask Nesta “does he understand commands?”

“Yeah, when he wants to,” Nesta scoffed. “Usually when there is food involved, he is all ears. If not, then they are for decoration only.”

Piglet was upset that he wasn’t on the team with Cassian, who was hidden behind a tree with Elain, designing an honest to god tactical warfare plan. But it didn’t matter because Piglet was gonna show Rhys that he could be an important addition to the team. And he didn’t do everything for food. Like for example right now. He didn’t even have breakfast, but here he was, rushing across the field, distracting everyone, while Rhys sprung on Azriel and pummelled him with snowballs. 

Piglet crawled between bushes and then destroyed stockpiles of snowballs that Elain had made, incurring Cassian’s wrath as the big man bellowed ‘you wily little bastard!’ 

Elain wailed ‘I can’t believe you did that!’ but Piglet only rolled in the snow, completely obliterating her work, before running away.

As far as he was concerned, all was fair in love and war.

Azriel chased Nesta with snowballs, wiping her out, and while Rhys valiantly attempted to defend her, Feyre rushed across the field and kicked all of his snowballs, flattening them ruthlessly, and then ran back, followed by Rhys’s mournful scream ‘you are my wife!!!’

She shrugged and saluted him, while Cassian sprung on her and dumped heaps of snow on her head. She screamed hysterically, as the snow fell into her coat, and unsuccessfully fought back the attack.

Meanwhile, Azriel sprinted towards Elain, and basically tackled her, landing on top of her in a heap of snow. He managed to half-bury her in the pile, before she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips. Azriel melted at once, cupping her face in his hands and kissing her back, which allowed Cassian to sneak up on him and toss a bunch of snowballs at Azriel’s head.

“Sorry, petal!” he bellowed, since some of the snowballs landed on Elain as well, but she gave him a thumbs up and laughed wildly.

“I can’t believe you did that!” Azriel fake-gasped, wiping his face.

“You are defeated!” she announced. 

“Never! With Piglet’s help, Nesta and Rhys certainly had the upper hand. Piglet kept pretending to fall, or be struck by snowballs, he howled and rolled around, he also repeatedly rushed various people and successfully took them down, because they lost footing as they didn’t want to step on him. 

As much as Cassian tried to insist that the couples stay apart and not couple, by the end of the fight, Rhys found his way to Feyre, Azriel to Elain, and even Cassian draped his arm over Nesta’s shoulders (and she didn’t shrug him off). 

That’s when Piglet collapsed for real, panting within his red Arsenal jacket.

Feyre saw him in the snow and hurried to pick him up, crying loudly, ‘Piggy don’t die!! He is going to die!’

Elain was much calmer about this and told her distraught sister, ‘He won’t die. He is just hot. But we’ll need to fan him.’

“Oh and by the way, Feyre and I won,” Azriel shrugged innocently.

“I beg to differ!” Cassian argued at once.

“Yeah, according to who?” Nesta snarled at Azriel, her hands on her hips.

“Okay, let’s reassess what has taken place,” Azriel offered calmly and all of them headed back to the manor, arguing loudly about who’d actually won. 

Piglet felt like he’d won. 

-

Piglet was very pleased with his massive haul of Christmas presents. 

He received not one, not two, not three, but FOUR sticks!! Four. Excellent sticks. 

As expected, dad gave the best presents: in addition to one of the sticks, dad also got him a pack of used padded Amazon envelopes, two pairs of socks, a whole bunch of toys, a Chelsea ball and a small plush tree decorated with shiny balls, which were also soft. All for him to destroy. 

The rest of the gifts consisted of bags of treats, chewys, more balls, and piles of outfits. 

Christmas lunch was incredible and he ate ham and roast beef and then came to the conclusion that Christmas was his favourite.

Now, after closely supervising the loading of all the gifts into the car, including all four sticks, Piglet lay in his seat, having been hugged and kissed by everyone about a hundred times. He was heading home and he was hoping that everything would go just as well as it’s been going. 

-

January 6th was a surprisingly sunny day. Warm for this time of year, the apricity of sunshine dispersing the gloominess of the winter chill. The feeling in the air was almost…innocent. Full of expectation and new tidings. A new year indeed.

That didn’t stop Piglet from being put in air jail, and he was being carried by Azriel. On their morning walk today, Piglet tripped Elain by wrapping the lead around her ankles, then, once in the park, he barked and scared a baby, and then ran with some big dogs, chasing them loudly, until they turned around and began chasing them, and he dodged them, but fell off a retaining wall. After that, Azriel picked him up and now carried the pug like a baby. 

Now they were seated at The Ivy Canary Wharf and having brunch. Piglet agreed to be quiet and discreet and in return, Azriel fed him ham under the table and strawberries from the fruit salad. 

“I’ve been thinking,” Elain said slowly, sipping her Rhubarb Bellini. 

“About?” Azriel sliced into his eggs and looked at her.

“Him,” she nodded towards the dog under the table. “His leg. When we went to that vet here,”

“Yeah, I remember,” Azriel nodded.

When Piglet fake-poisoned himself on Elain’s birthday, the vet that they took him to worked in a fancy private practice. It cost Azriel 1,300 quid to get Pinky to take a laxative, but the vet told them about a new experimental treatment for dogs with missing legs. It was a robotic leg, which would sense his movements and respond accordingly, effectively working just as well as a real leg.

“So what about it?” Azriel pressed.

She didn’t answer right away, and the pause felt somehow important, pivotal. He wondered if Elain was going to ask him for input and they’d make a decision together.

Truly, it should’ve been a family decision.

He and Pinky were tight. They were besties. 

“It would be good for his joints,” Azriel told her. “Right now, his hips and shoulders are stressed because of the extra pressure that he places on them. Since you’ve been pumping him full of longevity shots, he might be living for 20 years for all we know, and you don’t want him to struggle with his joints.”

Azriel spoke from experience. He’s been running for 20 years. 

Elain pouted and muttered, “I am not pumping him full of longevity shots…”

He chuckled. 

“It’s expensive,” he added quietly. 

“I can pay,” she said quickly. “It would be worth it.”

He shrugged and offered an ambivalent nod. 

At that moment, Elain’s phone pinged with an incoming message.

It wasn’t her regular phone, but her work one, and while they typically didn’t use their phones at the table, she smiled at him apologetically and he nodded. 

Who had a matchmaking emergency on a Saturday morning?

Azriel didn’t really give a shit. His mood soured and he was playing with his eggs listlessly, internally annoyed. What did he need to do to fucking make her understand that they were a pair? A couple? What did he need to do to make her yield? It was exhausting and he was irritated and angry and dark thoughts swirled in his mind. What would it take for her to consider him her man? Her partner? Did he need to force sex on her? Steal her away? Lock her in the cage?

“...I’ll see what I can do, Gwyn,” Elain said into the phone.

Azriel had been so absorbed in his unhappy thoughts that he didn’t even notice Elain speaking to this Gwyn.

“No…I understand. I think it will be a bit of a challenge on such short notice, but I will definitely try,” Elain promised, grimacing. 

Piglet looked up at Azriel from under the table, tilting his big round head back and forth, assessing Azriel’s mood and feeling that it had changed. Azriel stroked the floppy black ears and smiled at the dog. Pinky was the only one who understood him. Pinky was the one other being obsessed with Elain besides Azriel, but Elain was also devoted to the dog, and wasn’t devoted to Azriel quite as much.

She put the phone down, her brows knitted. 

“What’s going on?” he queried, taking a sip of his coffee.

Elain waved her hand and replied, “oh nothing. Just a client, in a bit of a bind,”

“What kind of bind can you be in as a matchmaker’s client? That you need to ring on a Saturday morning?”  Azriel was actually genuinely curious because it sounded so ridiculous.

Elain leaned back in her chair and explained, “she is a client and I’ve been having the hardest time matching her with anyone,”

“Why? She ugly? A psycho?”

“My god. Not everyone is an ugly psycho, you know!” she seethed.

“I feel like most people who use a matchmaker probably are,” he noted callously, still annoyed about the robotic leg situation. 

 “Are you an ugly psycho?” she snapped.

He shrugged and looked at his mangled hands, considering for a bit, before saying, “not ugly. But definitely a psycho.”

“Anyway,” Elain grunted.

“Tell me. I want to understand this matchmaking emergency! Indulge me,” he beckoned, smirking.

Elain scoffed at him and his attitude, but nevertheless, began explaining,

“She is a lovely person, really. Very smart,”

“Sorry baby, but this is not a selling point,” he huffed an amused laugh. “You come at a bloke with a ‘I’d like to match you with a very smart woman’ and he immediately starts wondering just how smart she is and would he measure up?”

“So what you are telling me is that you are intimidated by smart women?” she crossed her arms on her chest and glowered at him. “Only airheads for you?”

He drank his coffee lazily, enjoying her anger and then said, “Nah, baby. I ain’t intimidated by nothing. Bring on all the smarts. See, you ain’t an airhead and I am dating you. So I think that I am all good. What about this lass though? What does she do?”

“She is pursuing her PhD in Classics and Philosophy at Cambridge,”

“Jesus,” he breathed. “No wonder you can’t set her up. She sounds like a bundle of laughs.”

“You are so judgy!” she gasped.

“You have no idea,” he confirmed, smiling widely. “And yet it doesn’t stop me from being with you–the Queen of Pearls and Cardigans.”

Elain rolled her eyes and muttered, “I hardly ever wear cardigans! And my pearls are heirlooms, are worth a ton of money and will be passed on to my daughters,” she told him in a firm and decisive tone.

Azriel shrugged and said, “That's fine by me, as long as I get to make these daughters with you, you may give them all the pearls.”

“No comment.”

“So no one wants to hook up with the Cambridge scholar then?”

Elain sighed deeply and gulped on her drink, “she is very picky! And not even so much about the men…but how they’d fit into her life. She isn’t moving from the university and she is very determined to finish her degree–which I absolutely understand. But that makes everything very challenging, because there aren’t many men who want to give up their own lives and careers to be with a woman. Because she’d definitely end up in academia for the rest of her life with a degree like that. So, it would have to be someone who is so completely independent that he wouldn’t care. Or another Cambridge scholar.”

“You are running short on those?”

“I know you are joking,” she was shaking her head in defeat, “but it’s very difficult. She’d need a man like you: someone whose career isn’t stationary and who wouldn’t depend on her.”

“Running short of available footballers too?” he teased. “But what does she need from you right now?” he insisted, making a show of the bustling Ivy on a Saturday morning. 

“She has an event that she needs to attend. She is a keynote speaker. It’s a formal gala,”

“Let me guess, she needs a man by her side? To show she isn’t a lonesome singleton?” he laughed.

“Basically. Yes,” Elain confirmed.

“So I guessed correctly.”

“And how the heck am I supposed to find that?” 

She sighed dramatically and added, “I am almost ready to give up on her and tell her that I am unable to find her a match…It would be my first,”

“I’ll go,” Azriel said suddenly.

She started and looked at him wide eyed, “What do you mean?”

He shrugged and repeated, “I’ll go. I’ll go to the gala with your boring scholar. I’ll wear the tux and I’ll escort her around and shit…”

“But,” Elain began, sounding uncertain. Azriel was pretty blase about his proposal.

“What? What’s the big deal? Besides, don’t I owe you one last fake date or whatever?”

“They weren’t fake dates!” she protested.

“Nuala was okay,” he allowed. Then shuddered demonstratively and murmured, “Mor, not so much.”

Elain thought about his offer. She wasn’t crazy about it–he was her boyfriend, after all. Or was he still a client? Or both? Gah! This was so frustrating. Even thinking about Azriel escorting another woman, even one as romantically clueless as Gwyn, made Elain uncomfortable and genuinely jealous. It was crazy, of course. Azriel was totally devoted to her, and absolutely paid no attention to any other women. Even right now, in the restaurant, some very pretty women walked by and while other men gave them a once over, Azriel only had eyes for Elain and for Piglet, who was now sleeping on his shoe. 

“Jealous, beautiful?” he snickered.

“No! I am not!” she argued defensively.

“Think about it. I am your failed case, so is she. Your two failures, fake-dating for one evening. Face it, it’s kind of poetic.”

“You're not my failure,” Elain glared at him, but her tone was soft and loving. 

“No?”

“You are…you are actually my,” she swallowed hard. 

He was watching her closely, waiting.

“My win,” she concluded. “My reward.”

-

Gwyneth Berdara.

27 years old. PhD candidate in Classics and Philosophy at Cambridge University. Part-time lecturer at Cambridge, otherwise previously unemployed. Moved to London from Inverness, Scotland to attend university. 

Attended a Catholic preparatory school. Initially intended to become a nun.

No previous relationships.

Hobbies: yoga, meditation, pilates, travelling, reading

Azriel read the profile while sitting in Elain’s office. He exhaled a long breath, internally cringing. A nun? A fucking nun?

Supposedly Elain wasn’t a virgin–he was yet to check on that–but this one…yeah, this one definitely was. Not that he cared, but it made him wonder how he was getting set up, even for one evening, with such odd specimens.  

Frankly, this girl needed someone like Elain. Because otherwise, how was she ever going to find a boyfriend? What would be the opening line? ‘Hello, my name is Gwyn and I wanted to be married to Jesus!”

Anyways, he wasn’t here to judge. He was just getting instructions. 

Elain was plenty jumpy as it is, so he wasn’t going to aggravate the situation. 

As it turned out, Gwyn was a keynote speaker, she was also receiving some scholarly award (Azriel didn’t care, so he didn’t ask for any details). The gala was being held at the Museum of Natural History, the dinner was cooked by some of Britain's best chefs and it promised to be quite the event. There would be dancing, a silent auction and all the proceeds were going to go to some animal sanctuary. Azriel hoped that it was going to go to some pug sanctuary.

Elain had informed him that there weren’t many pug sanctuaries out there, which, Azriel, felt was an omission.

Azriel kept most of his comments to a minimum. He knew that it was ridiculous, but somehow, this whole proposal now sounded a bit like cheating. And he regretted having come up with the idea. It was stupid, and he shouldn't have done it, but now, it was too late to back out.

“Okay, you will pick her up at 4:30 pm on Saturday. She needs to be onsite earlier than the rest of the attendees,” Elain was explaining, “because she has to prepare. Cocktails are at 6 pm, and then dinner is at 7 pm.”

He nodded.

“You know you are my girl, right?” he asked suddenly, and when Elain glanced from her tablet at him, his expression was almost…desperate. Pleading. 

She smiled softly at him and nodded,

“I know.”

“I probably shouldn’t be doing this,” he muttered.

“It’s okay. I am not jealous,” she assured him. “I trust you.”

-

But maybe Elain shouldn’t have? Trusted him, that is.

-

The next time she spoke with Gwyn Berdara was on Sunday morning following the gala.

‘How did it go?” she inquired, once Gwyn picked up the phone.

“Elain, it was wonderful!” Gwyn chirped excitedly. “I had a brilliant time! Thank you for setting me up with Azriel. He was–is–incredible!”

Umm

Setting her up?

Did she not understand that this was a one-evening only sort of a deal? Elain thought that she’d been clear about this arrangement. One gala. One evening. That’s all.

“I mean, I am not a footie fan,” Gwyn continued saying, “but even I’ve heard of Azriel Night! And honestly when you told me that it would be him, I was unsure. But he was…’ she seemed to be lost for words. “Well, he is lovely, isn’t he? Great manners. Excellent dancer!”

Yes, Elain didn’t argue, he was all of those things, but didn’t Gwyn understand that it was an act? Azriel was rough around the edges, with a potty mouth, a dry, taunting, sarcastic sense of humour, full of abrasive comments and inappropriate innuendo. That’s how Azriel was. He wasn’t some dark gallant knight. Yes, his manners were fine, and he could hold his own in any company, and he knew how to dress smartly and hold a conversation, but Elain knew the ‘real’ Azriel. And she loved the real Azriel. 

“Gwyn, I…” she began saying, but Gwyn interrupted her.

“Thank you, Elain. I didn’t think it was going to happen, and that you’d be able to find someone for me, but you truly are a miracle worker!”

“Gwyn, are you sure that Mr. Night is…interested?” Elain didn’t know how to ask her politely. She didn’t add ‘in you’. 

“Well, yes! I know we initially thought that he’d just be there for the gala, but I want to see where it will go. I don’t know yet, it’s so new, but,”

“I don’t think he is available!” Elain blurted out, feeling confused and anxious. 

“Oh, I know. Not now,” Gwyn laughed. “He is playing today! I am going to watch the game–for the first time,”

She didn’t even like football! 

Piglet trotted into the room, wearing his Arsenal shirt. He was ready for the game too.

“Well, thanks again,” Gwyn said, “I’ll keep you posted on how things go.”

As soon as she hung up, Elain frantically texted ‘ring me!’ and then she added more ‘!!!!!!!’

She knew that Azriel was prepping for the game right now and wouldn’t be available right away, but he’d ring right before, so she could wish him a good game. And she always sent him a photo of Piglet in his kit.

Only this time, Azriel did not call back.

[ultralazycreatorfan]

Kotlc as happenings at our family Christmas parties throughout the years

Sophie: the accidental mind reads; we aren’t allowed to play Pictionary anymore because we get three lines in and it’s over

Keefe: my cousin rounding the corner, armed with four rubber chicken slingshots, yelling “ARMAGEDDON,” as she launched all four at our uncle.

Fitz: the parents talking about their kids accomplishments before one of us does/says something absolutely out of pocket. gotta keep the parents humble!

Biana: the cousins staring at each other down as the adults do the dinner prayer

Dex: my grandma’s scotty dog getting the zoomies and running through the whole house at sound breaking speeds every year. I love him

Linh: the elders of the family getting WAY too competitive over spoons and my great aunt accidentally being launched into the cabinet full of china

Tam: the small children trying to send themselves down the laundry shoot every time someone turns their back

Marella: the cousin sit down, talk shit, catch up, work fucking sucks, why did you date him, circle (best part <3)

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Phil Proposing To Dan Masterlist

A Christmas Ring - forphansake

Summary: Phil decides to do a radio show by himself but only because he has a special present to give to Dan.

A Christmas Proposal - doomedhowell

Summary: Dan and Phil usually spend their Christmas with their family but this year was different. They were spending their first Christmas alone together and Phil makes sure that it’s an extra special one.

All The Kingdom Lights Shine (just for me and you) (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan pulls out the third box. And the fourth box. And then, before Phil can start to overthink this, he gets down on one knee, right as Dan pulls out the fifth box, the velvet box. The tension in the room is unbelievable as Dan opens the box, staring at the ring in it. He gasps, quietly, and then his eyes immediately snap up at Phil, filling with tears.

Or: the one where Phil is a mess before proposing, but it’s all perfect in the end.

And, Like Putting On Glasses, I Saw the World in Perfect Clarity- cactuslester

Summary: Dan thinks this trip to the Isle of Man will be like all the other trips to visit the Lesters. Little does he know, Phil has a 3 carat surprise for him.

A Ring in a Box in a Box in a Box… (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: It’s Christmas, and Phil’s decided to make it a memorable one. Sure, the silly ‘box in a box in a box’ way of wrapping a present is funny enough to be remembered, but it’s the present that will really seal this Christmas in their memories.

Diamonds And Tears - paradisobound

Summary: Maybe there is something inside of Phil that made him stop and pick up a ring on his way home from Tesco. And maybe that same thing inside of him is what gave him the bright idea to propose on Christmas.

Four Little Words (ao3) - phandomsub

Summary: Proposing to Dan is the easiest thing Phil has ever done. But for Dan, saying yes is the hardest.

Happy New Year, My Love (ao3) - scifi

Summary: It’s new years eve and Phil wants to start 2019 by asking a very special question.

I’m Not Proposing (ao3) - lazyfic

Summary: Dan knows Phil’s going to propose while they’re on holiday in Japan and he won’t stop bringing it up.

Japan 2.0 - paradisobound

Summary: Phil decides to plan a trip to Japan for Dan because he wants to propose to him.

La Dolce Vita (ao3) - CrushingMagnolias

Summary: Phil plans a surprise engagement during their vegas trip at the Bellagio hotel.

Dan is head over heels, smitten, Phil Trash #1

lost in forever (ao3) - manchestereyes

Summary: Phil makes a very special video for his and Dan’s future child.

Or, Safiya and Tyler’s proposal video, but make it dnp.

Never Stop (You Still Get My Heart Racing) (ao3) - phantasticworks (steddieworks)

Summary: Dan and Phil celebrate Dan’s 29th birthday at home.

A cute, fluffy engagement fic that somehow took me two days and turned out to be 10k words.

Not just any anniversary (ao3) - danfernet

Summary: It’s October 19th, 2019. Dan and Phil’s tenth anniversary.

When Phil announces he has to go up north to visit his dad, Dan most certainly doesn’t expect the day to turn out the way it did.

Or, where Phil surprises Dan for a full day :)

phuture phusbands (ao3) - N_Chu4Ever

Summary: Dan’s opinions on weddings are pretty clear — marriage is piece of paper with some benefits, and organising a big fucking wedding is exhausting, and really, Phil, do we need it? Do we? The answer, of course, is no, and yet Phil is still thinking about it. As Dab and Evan’s Sims 4 wedding approaches, that thought process goes into overdrive.

Or: Phil proposes to Dan just after the Devan wedding is filmed.

Pictionary Proposal (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: Dan is with his family in France and Phil is planning to propose when he returns home.

Sand Dollars and a Shiny Rock (ao3) - counting2fifteen, paperowl, quackitity

Summary: Dan and Phil go on vacation, Phil tries to propose, things go terribly wrong, but also kind of right.

The Christmas Fic || 2017 (ao3) - yiffandquiff

Summary: How Christmas 2017 should have went

unexpectedly delighted (ao3) - shaylawrites (thominwtt)

Summary: So maybe it’s not a complete shock when Dan comes back early from his run and finds Phil fiddling with a ring in the middle of their kitchen.

When You’re Ready… (ao3) - Mangomelions (orphan_account)

Summary: Phil decides to buy a ring, so when Dan eventually proposes, they can have a cute double proposal. But what if Dan has had the same idea. Will they be waiting forever?

[holllandtrash]

driver scenarios…. Lando dating another streamer. over competitive. everyone���s fave couple. PROPOSAL ON STREAM.

Not me seeing this and thinking oh man I forgot to answer oyour text LMAO love u will text u back after I write this

I’m NOT a gamer so if any of this is wrong I’m sorry

You usually play call of duty or like racing games or really high competitive ones but you go over to his place fully expecting to play another game and you’re like “you’re going down norris” and his stream is already on so all of his viewers sees you size him up and he’s like yeah yeah whatever and before you settle into your gaming setting up (That’s across the room from his) you pop into his camera and say a few things to the viewers and they all see the way Lando has his hand on you and how cute and touchy you are and you’ve been dating for a while now and when a comment comes up saying “Lando when are u gonna propose” you read it out loud and you’re like “yeah Lando when are you gonna propose” and he’s like “I’ll propose when you win a game fair and square” because he always says you cheat (you never cheat, landos just a sore loser tbh)

and you’re like ya whatever and you go set up your stream and Lando is like okay we’re playing a different game and you’re like excuse me ??? And he’s like no it’ll be fun and it’s that Pictionary type game where you have to guess what drawing

And so he starts off with a piece of paper with lines on it and draws a coffin and then what looks to be a crowd of stick people and you’re like ??? What is this ?? a funeral??? And Lando yells at you from across the room “THE PAPER, it’s the paper they read” and it takes you a hot minute but you’re like OH ITS A WILL THEYRE READING A WILL

And then the next drawing Lando draws a heart and you guess “heart” and he’s like I’m not done just fucking wait and you’re like I wanted to play modern warfare not this charades shit and he’s like can you please just guess what I’m drawing

And in it the heart writes “me + _ _ _” and you’re like aww you?? Is the answer ‘you’ and he’s like ok good job you got that one and people in the chat are putting it together but you’re not

and then in the next round he draws a Christmas tree and you’re like “oh christmas”and Lando leans back in his chair to look at you and is like “yeah but the first word” and you’re like “…Chris..?” And he’s like why would it be chris and you’re like “Your said first word!! The first word in chrisymas is Chris” and he’s like “that’s a name not a word” and you’re like “what the hell is the word then” and he’s like “when you wish someone a jolly Christmas happy Christmas whatever, what do you say??” And he’s like GIVING you the answer basically but you’re still staring at the picture for so long until Lando is like “Jesus Christ MERRY!! MERRY CHRISTMAS” and you’re like oh my bad and he’s like “you lost that round” and you just shrug and laugh it off

and then Lando is like okay last round and he draws a heart again and you’re like “you” and hes like “no you already guessed that” and you’re like okay what then and he essentially draws the same thing, the heart but this time it says ‘_ _ + you’ inside it and you’re like “me??”

and he’s like “yeah good job”

And you’re so unimpressed because that was it?? That was the game? Four rounds of four random ass words and while you’re muttering something about how childish Lando is you’re reading the chats and it’s all coming in just message after message sayinf “PUT THE WORDS TOGETHER” but it’s not clicking for you so you finally look over at Lando and he’s gotten off his chair at this point and he’s on one knee and he’s got a ring on display and all his viewers are freaking out and Lando is like “put the words together” and you just start tearing up and you cover your mouth with your hands as it finally clicks and you, still competitive you’re like,

“Wait so did I win the game” and he’s all red in the face he’s like “I don’t know, I think I won” and it’s just such a cute stupid moment and all of your fans are their to witness it and obviously you say YES

And no one is surprised when you both suddenly end the streams to uhhh go celebrate lmao

[pollenallergie]

Billy Knight doesn’t really like parties or going out, so the best way to introduce him to your friends is to invite some of them (your closest friends) over to you and Billy’s place for a game night. However, you can’t play Pictionary because Billy’s unfairly good at Pictionary.

… Or you could play Pictionary, team yourself up with Billy, and just not tell any of your friends beforehand that he’s incredible at that game, thereby guaranteeing that you and Billy will win every single time. Billy doesn’t mind either way; he’s just happy to be included. However, he’s also not morally opposed to you scheming your way to a win, especially since the winning couple wins a gift card to a local craft shop and, well, Billy has been itching to buy some of that pomp-a-doodle yarn he saw on TikTok, so that he can try to crochet a rug out of it to give to your mum for Christmas.

[debbeh]

Bestie, you asked for this...

Every cannon and headcannon I can think of for Negatus rn:

Negatus actually goes HARD on the dancefloor but pretends to be bad most of the time

Negatus has emergency lights for if the candles fail

His beard was drawn on with sharpie and he didn't realize it doesn't wash off

He killed off all 381 demons (besides Rita, Geoff, and Neil) because he knew they would actually do damage to Yonderland

He is a villain solely to fill the space and make sure no real evil rises up

He has never used the goggles on his helmet bc he can't see that they're there

The scene where Negatus goes full shutdown NEVER HAPPENED. HE ACTUALLY HATES OLIVE PIZZA, FACIAL HAIR, AND THE INTERNET. IT WAS JUST A WEIRD DREAM HE WAS HAVING.

Negatus is either the alternate version of Peter or he separated Mojo from the Wizard Bradley to steal his time travel powers so he can visit both worlds without missing anything and is Peter's alter ego

He can't tell this because of the same thing that makes it so Elder Flowers and Negatus aren't seen as the same person

He has a whole collection of weapons but only uses one and keeps the rest for decoration.

He holds a christmas Thanktival party for everyone in his lair and makes everyone cookies

He has dated every elder at least once

His boots make him wayyy taller than he actually is

Sometimes Negatus will walk into a room and just stand there like :| and be like OH SHIZ I WAS SUPPOSED TO MURDER A GUY LIKE THREE HOURS AGO

He once told Imperatrix to "pop off, your eminence"

His hair is the softest thing in the world. His helmet is just there to keep people from touching it.

He owns one jacket that's like waaay too big for him and sometimes he wears it around his lair and just kind of waddles around.

Every Tuesday night he makes a pillow fort with the demons and they watch movies together

If you turn his gloves inside out, they're pink.

His favorite food is cherries but NOT CHERRY PIE due to past evens relateing to pies...

He is pan af

Bro has bad Taphophobia.

He has eaten deodorant on many occasions

He is alternate universe Megamind

Bro eats hella healthy

He will never not sit criss-cross applesauce

When he watched the season finale of Good Omens, he was depressed for a week

After the events of the show, he does finally take over Yonderland but he feels bad and gives it back.

The Elder's then assigned him to be the chief illustrator for the elders (they gave him a corner with a bean baf chair and some crayons- they're gonna give him proper art supplies this thanktival)

His favorite game is pictionary

He signed up for Miss Smashing but got kicked out because he killed one of the judges.

Ok I think that's good for now. Twix is this how you write headcannons??? Maybe I should stick to drawing- WAIT DRAWING PROMPTS THO???

[freakattack]

1, 8, and 9 for the WarioWare fan ask!

YAHOO

1. What WarioWare games have you played? (And do you have favorites?)

Warioware twisted is a fucking masterpiece and i wish everyone on earth could play it it is a truly divine experience, it has the funnest, games, gamePLAY, cutscenes, music, extra bits, it's got it AAALLL

8. Have you played any other games that are similar to WarioWare's gameplay design? (Or are there ones you've wanted to look into?)

Besides flash games on sketchy websites no. I know theyre out there but frankly i dont think i could bring myself to. Rhythm heaven is not exactly the same but it has a shit ton of overlap, unfortunately i am a little bit salty about it for reasons i can't even figure out myself so i can't see myself playing it unless it was directly in front of me right now and i was a lab rat. Once upon a time i had it on my christmas list and i never got it so maybe in an alternate universe i'm making multi page comics about the munchy monk or whatever i don't know

9. Do you have favorite minigames? (Not microgame, this is in reference to unlockable side games such as the Pyoro games)

😏

(Other top performers include Sketch from gayman wario and fruit also from game and wario. Idc if sketch is just pictionary the orbulon award is fucking hilarious)

[eridan-amporaa]

Also I wanted to like- speculate/discuss on what these guys' Sylladices and Strife Decks would be (Strife Decks will be in a separate ask bc uh. This got long lol)

Streber - wire puzzle, to fit with his love of inventing. When Streber attempts to take an item out, he will be presented with a mess of wires he needs to connect to the right nodes. When solved, he gets the item

Radford - movie trivia. Simple enough, though has comedic potential if someone else tries to use it and is immediately stumped by some b-movie horror knowledge only Radford knows

Ross - I feel like Ross would go for something straightforward, like Array. However if he or his dad are musicians I could see him having a Simon Says-like Modus where the card plays a string of notes and Ross has to copy them back

Roy - idk why but I see him having something money-related, probably bought by his parents. My idea is that he can "deposit" items freely, but to take them out he needs to either pay for it with money or an item of equal or greater value to the item he wants to take out (there'd be an "eject all" button that spits out both the items and any deposited money so it's not like, completely impossible to access anything). Roy swaps this out with a far less convoluted Modus the first chance he gets lol

Robert - idk why but I feel like he'd go for one of the board game ones? Like Jenga or Operation. Something simple, but fun

Speaking of the board game Modi... I imagine similar to Jade's grandpa, Pump and Susie's parents got them a bunch of board game Modi for Christmas, and the two just picked their favorites

Susie - Pictionary. Easy enough and fits with her love of art, even if it's a bit obtuse at times

Pump - Ouija. Works like Aradia's, just in English. Due to his connection to Heir of Light Skid, to Eyes, or both, the spirits usually end up giving him what he wants, making it a relatively easy Modus for him to use

Skid - I had a bit of trouble coming up with something for Skid, because I wanted to have it be spook-related in some way while not just giving him another Ouija board. I then realized... Maze Game Modus! Skid drags a dot through a maze, and when he reaches the end he gets his item. If he fails the maze a loud scream will play, and sometimes he intentionally fails just to hear it. It's based off the Scary Maze Game :>

Sometimes Skid and Pump also swap Modi for fun!

I couldn't come up with anything for Kevin or Ethan, unfortunately. Maybe Kevin could have like a gumball or capsule machine Modus, where he turns a crank and gets a random item, but I have no idea what to do for Ethan

i love all of these!! maze game modus is so funny to me actually

i think kevin would prolly have an array modus actually, eventually his terrible luck using any fun-ish modus would get the best of him i think ;u; maybe he'd get the gumball one back postgame but its just not practical when you have the worst luck on in paradox space lol

ethan... hm. not really sure what he'd use, prolly something spooky. maybe something based on excavation? he canonically collects bones in the forest so it kinda fits. like. big block o dirt/stone wtvr pops out and he has to break it open. maybe he'd have some sort of tool to help with that (chiselkind?) in his strife deck just to be safe

ross would prolly have a music-based modus, yeah. i made one up kinda recently (its what i would use lol), melody modus! each item is assigned a short tune which you have to repeat to get something out. you get to pick the tune, tho. i can see him using video game songs for it - zelda theme, green hill zone, white space... megalovania-

rob could get the memory modus, i think hed be good at that one

roy would prolly end up borrowing a spare modus from susie - prolly jenga modus, seems abt right

[every-marveler-ever]

Same Wavelength 

Peter Parker Bingo 2023 | 🕠 @pparkerbingo | FREE

2023 masterlist :: (ao3 link)

A/N: I think it is important to mention that I have never actually played Wavelength but have watched lengthy videos on the game and do understand how the game works, if you don’t here is a helpful video: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/leGB7JU13DY. I also thought that I had a game nights fill for Tony Stark Bingo but turns out it was for All Caps Bingo and so I used my Peter Parker free instead :)

RATING: General WARNING: Boardgame fights/disagreements

Peter and Harley like to host monthly game nights to fuel the competitive spirits between the couple, they also create many special moments on these nights.  | peter parker/harley keener

ptpkb 🕠 2023

Peter Parker and Harley Kenner regularly hosted monthly game nights at their apartment, open to any of their friends or family who wished to come, sometimes it was only the two of them and other times there were 20 people wedging themselves into the apartment. While they invited their friends to bring games, Peter and Harley's board game collection was extensive courtesy of Stark Industries Christmas parties and birthdays. 

Within The Avengers sometimes game nights could be seen as unfair, with Natasha’s spy abilities, Steve’s natural creative ability (nobody has ever lost pictionary to Captain America) and Tony’s buffing ability as well as his business mind, monopoly was banned from being played. 

Their place is small, but so lively when it is games night. 

Peter’s advanced hearing assisted during play, but more importantly it helped when somebody was at the door, nudging Harley to open it, so he could continue his heated discussion, 

“Hey MJ, just place the pizza’s down on the island,” Harley welcomes, yelling over the chaos as the game of the night is chosen. There are 7 of them on this particular night, MJ, Tony, Steve, Ned, Natasha, Harley and Peter, people who are specifically close to the couple. That was important for Harley tonight. 

MJ does as suggested and then comes to join the group with a new board game in her hand, “we should play Wavelength because it is comical that nobody is on the same page,” the way that she looks between all the group members makes it clear not to cross her, it’s why Natasha and MJ get along so well. Nobody fights the decision and they begin setting up the game, Harley adds a specific card for himself.

Tony looks between Harley and Peter sitting next to each other and decides to move them apart, putting himself in between, “No way you two are being on the same team, you are way too in sync for you to be on the same team.” Harley is happy for the interference, kissing Peter’s cheek, “It’s on babe.”

There is a reason game night is hosted at Peter and Harley’s because they are fiercely competitive, especially against each other. 

“Iron Man suit? Are you serious Kenner?” “Would you call your suits particularly safe because I am fairly sure I’ve heard a story of them taking over the world?” “It was a comic book!” 

“So we are considering the Mona Lisa a masterpiece now?” “Just because you have a grudge against it Pete does not mean the dial shouldn’t be all the way at the masterpiece side, it is incredible.” Steve just shakes his head in the corner. 

“Tony is bluffing,” Natasha huffed connecting eye contact with the accused man who is very quickly trying to lose the spy's eyes, “which is ridiculous because this isn’t a game of bluffing, and yet,” she squints. MJ nudges her and laughs, “It’s because he doesn’t like the poor-to-wealthy card,” which releases laughter from all of them except a pouting Tony Stark. 

To finish the game, the two teams set at match point, Steve hosting the night commentating on every move, “Up to the playing field is Harley Kenner, now Harley how are you feeling about today's game,” Harley smiles at Steve’s interview style, “While I enjoy the company of the competition, I am aware only one team can win and that team will be us.”  Steve smiles, as well as Harley’s team, MJ and Tony, knowing what’s coming next. 

The card’s field that Harley picks is dating - marriage, he spins the dial, specifically landing the point wedge in the direct centre, this particular turn has been planned all night, 

Confidently Harley says his clue before spinning the wheel back around to his team, “Peter Parker.” The team discuss deciding more towards the dating end rather than the marriage side, which is theoretically correct if they didn’t know what was going to happen next. 

Steve takes his position, “Our clue is Peter Parker, our field dating to marriage, let’s reveal the wavelength,” and as the dial is revealed Harley bends down on one knee in front of Peter, friends watching as he pulls out a ring bow shaped as an uno card box which has sat on the pile of games all evening. 

Peter is shocked, realising what is happening, tears in his eyes and he is glad that he knows KAREN is recording everything. 

“Peter Parker, it has felt that we have always been on the same wavelength, it has seemed that even when we were fighting we could still compromise and find another way, spending our time in college in a small dorm room and large labs really made me realise just how important you are to me, just how much I love you.  From your competitive spirit to the way you ramble about Star Wars I am so glad that you are my partner in crime and I am hoping that will be for life as of tonight. You always make us explain our reasoning, so here I go,” Harley takes a deep breath looking Peter in the eyes, tears coming down multitudes between them, “I choose Peter Parker for the direct middle because I am hoping you say when I ask, Peter Parker will you marry me, so we become finances.” 

Peter between the crying and the holding himself so he doesn’t fall onto the floor with Harley, he cries out his answer “YES YES YES!” Finally letting his moment come falling down to hug Harlye, before pulling him into a kiss. 

There are cheers from around them of all the people who knew this would be happening as Harley whispers in Peter’s ear, “So does this mean I win?” And Peter punches him in the side while wanting to keep him as close as possible. 

Bingo Cards: (🕠 3/25)

[nightfall-by-jacqui-natla]

18. LENORE

THE KHOTLERS' FAMILY MANSION WAS ALIVE with the hum of excitement and the occasional burst of laughter, bouncing off the high ceilings and echoing through the grand hall. Tonight was game night, as Rhona pointed out back at the forest, a cherished tradition in my new vampire family, and the game of choice was Pictionary. No fangs, no gothic imagery, just pure, unadulterated fun.

As I walked into the drawing room, the warm light from the chandeliers played off the rich, dark wood of the furniture, giving the space a cozy yet elegant feel. The room was dominated by a large fireplace, its flickering flames casting a welcoming glow. An enormous whiteboard had been set up on an easel, and the coffee table was strewn with markers, erasers, and a stack of cards bearing the game's prompts.

Gabriel and Helena were arranging the furniture, making sure everyone would have a clear view of the board. Helena, her blonde hair cascading over her shoulders, caught my eye and smiled. "Violet, come join us! We're about to start."

I felt a flutter of nerves and excitement as I took my place beside her. The teams were already divided: girls against boys, a setup that had apparently been in place for centuries. Gabriel, with his effortless charm, winked at us as he joined the other side with Joseph and Simon. Rhona and Alana exchanged a determined look, while Ethan bounced on his toes, eager to begin.

"Okay, everyone knows the rules," Helena announced, her voice commanding attention. "We have one minute to draw and guess the word on the card. No letters, no numbers, and definitely no cheating." She gave Joseph a pointed look, which he returned with an exaggerated expression of innocence.

"I never cheat," Joseph retorted, glancing at me. "She just thinks I do."

"I know you cheat," Helena laughed, setting the tone for a night of friendly competition.

The game began with Alana stepping up to the board. She drew a card, glanced at it, and immediately set to work. Her strokes were quick and sure, and soon we were shouting out guesses.

"Tree!" Rhona called out.

"Forest!" I added, but Alana shook her head vigorously and drew a couple of squares at the bottom.

"Christmas!" Helena shouted, and Alana beamed, nodding enthusiastically. The girls cheered, and the boys groaned good-naturedly.

Next up was Simon. He drew a card, gave a dramatic sigh, and started to draw what looked like an abstract mess of lines. Gabriel and Joseph squinted, trying to make sense of it.

"Is it... a maze?" Gabriel guessed. "Fog?"

"Spider web!" Ethan suggested, his young face scrunched in concentration.

Simon shook his head, erasing furiously before starting again. Finally, Joseph shouted, "Tornado!" and Simon threw up his hands in triumph. The boys whooped and high-fived.

As the game continued, the room filled with laughter and playful teasing. Rhona's turn had us in stitches as she tried to convey "elephant" with what looked more like a deformed horse, and Joseph's attempt at "ballet dancer" ended up looking like a stick figure doing karate.

When my turn came, I felt a rush of nervous energy. I drew a card and tried to keep my face neutral as I read the word: "rollercoaster." Taking a deep breath, I started drawing the tracks, the loops, and the little cars with stick-figure passengers.

"Train!" Helena guessed. "Racing cars!"

"No, it's a rollercoaster!" Alana shouted and the the girls erupted in cheers.

"Well done, Violet!" Rhona exclaimed, giving me a high-five. I felt a surge of pride and belonging.

As the night wore on, the competition grew fiercer, but the laughter never stopped. Gabriel's exaggerated charades while drawing "tap-dancing" had us all in tears, and Alana's artistic masterpiece of "hula hoop" was met with raucous applause. Even Ethan, who was often quiet, came alive with excitement, his guesses and drawings adding to the lively atmosphere.

By the end of the game, the score was tied, and it all came down to one final round. Helena stepped up for the girls, her expression determined. She drew her card, gave a nod, and began to draw. Her strokes were confident, and soon she had sketched out a picture that was both intricate and clear.

"Is it... a concert?" I guessed.

"No, it's a... theater!" Rhona tried, but Helena shook her head, urging us to keep guessing.

"Parade!" Alana shouted, but time was running out.

"Festival!" I finally figured out just as the timer buzzed, and Helena dropped the marker with a triumphant grin.

"Correct!" she announced, and the girls erupted into cheers, jumping up and down in celebration. The boys groaned, but their smiles betrayed their enjoyment of the night.

"Well played, ladies," Gabriel said, wrapping an arm around Helena and pulling her close. "How about another game? Any suggestions?"

"Charades?" Ethan requested and we all agreed to play it.

"Alright, everyone," Gabriel called out, his deep voice commanding attention. "Let's split into teams. We'll draw names to mix things up."

Helena held out a bowl filled with slips of paper. We each drew a name, and soon the teams were formed. I ended up with Gabriel, Rhona, and Ethan, while Helena, Joseph, Simon, and Alana made up the other team.

"May the best team win," Helena said with a wink.

"We intend to," Rhona replied with a mischievous grin, making us all laugh.

Gabriel stepped up first for our team. He drew a card and studied it briefly before launching into his performance. He began miming driving a car, then started to flail his arms wildly.

"Car crash!" Ethan shouted immediately.

Gabriel pointed at Ethan with a proud smile, and we all cheered. The opposing team clapped politely, but I could see the determination in their eyes.

Next up was Helena. She drew a card, glanced at it, and began her act. She mimed picking up something heavy and throwing it repeatedly.

"Is it weightlifting?" Simon guessed, but she shook her head.

"Shot put!" Alana guessed, and Helena nodded vigorously. Their team cheered, and the game was off to a competitive start.

Rhona was next for us. She drew her card, smirked, and started her performance with exaggerated sneaking motions. Then she pretended to tiptoe and look around nervously.

"Spy?" I guessed, and she nodded, grinning broadly. Our team whooped and clapped, high-fiving each other.

As the rounds continued, the room filled with laughter and friendly banter. Joseph's turn had us all in stitches as he tried to convey "octopus" by waving his arms wildly, and Alana's attempt at "juggling" was a comical masterpiece of pretend dropping balls.

When it was my turn, I drew a card and felt a flutter of nerves. "Astronaut." I took a deep breath and began miming the slow, deliberate movements of walking in zero gravity, then pretended to float.

"A ghost?" Rhona guessed, her head tilted in concentration.

"No, it's an astronaut!" Helena shouted, clapping her hands in delight as the rest of our team cheered. I felt a surge of pride and relief.

"You're a natural, Violet," Gabriel said, giving me a reassuring pat on the back.

As the game went on, the competition grew fiercer. Helena's turn to mime "tightrope walker" had us all on the edge of our seats as she pretended to balance precariously, and Simon's "opera singer" involved such dramatic gestures and silent singing that we couldn't stop laughing.

Ethan's enthusiasm was infectious. When it was his turn, he drew a card and began miming with fervor. He pretended to hold a fishing rod and reel something in with great effort.

"Fishing?" Gabriel guessed, but Ethan shook his head, continuing to pull with exaggerated difficulty.

"Catching a big fish?" Joseph tried, and Ethan nodded, grinning from ear to ear. Their team celebrated loudly, and Ethan's eyes sparkled with pride.

As the night wore on, the score remained close. It all came down to one final round. Helena stepped up for her team, drew a card, and started miming. She mimed stirring something in a pot and then pretended to take a taste.

"Cooking?" Alana guessed.

Helena shook her head and added more actions, pretending to chop ingredients and mix them vigorously.

"Baking a cake!" Rhona shouted, and Helena nodded with a big smile. Their team erupted in cheers, and we applauded their win.

"Great job, everyone," Gabriel said, his voice full of warmth and pride. "That was a close game."

"Next time, we'll get you," Rhona teased, her eyes twinkling with competitive spirit.

As the excitement wound down, we gathered around the fireplace, sharing stories and laughter. The sense of camaraderie was palpable, and I couldn't help but feel a deep sense of gratitude for this newfound family. They had accepted me, embraced me, and made me feel like one of their own.

Ethan settled beside me, his eyes bright with excitement. "That was so much fun, Violet! You were amazing at guessing."

"Thanks, Ethan," I said, ruffling his hair affectionately. "You were great too. I think you're the real Charades champion here."

He beamed at the praise, and I felt a warmth in my chest that had nothing to do with the fire. This was home. These were my people.

As the night drew to a close, we tidied up the remnants of the game and prepared to retire. Helena and Gabriel shared a tender moment by the fireplace, their love for each other evident in every glance. Simon and Alana, arm in arm, whispered softly, their bond as strong as ever. Joseph and Rhona were still bickering playfully about some long-forgotten game, their laughter echoing through the room.

I took a moment to soak it all in, feeling the weight of centuries of tradition and the joy of new memories being made. Game night at the Khotlers was more than just a way to pass the time; it was a celebration of family, of connection, and of the ties that bound us together.

But then, I spotted a raven resting on the window sill. Its dark feathers glistened in the moonlight, its eyes piercing and wise. The raven seemed to be observing us, as if it knew the significance of our gathering. It was a reminder that even in moments of happiness and togetherness, there was always a hint of mystery and the unknown.

Strangely, my mind drifted back to my human days at Forks High, sitting in English class. I recalled Mr. Mason — was that his name? — assigning us to choose a favorite poem to recite in front of the class; I had chosen Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven," naturally.

I tried to recall the poem's opening line in my head.

"Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary..." The words echoed in my mind as I watched the raven outside, feeling a strange sense of connection to the bird and to the poem itself.

Reflecting on Poe's life, I pondered the tragedies he endured: the loss of both parents at a young age, his foster mother's death at twenty, and his wife Virginia succumbing to tuberculosis. These heartbreaks fueled his fixation on death, evident in his literary works.

Contemplating further, I envisioned a hypothetical scenario where Poe encountered a vampire, an immortal being untouched by death.

In this imagined encounter, Poe would be both fascinated and repulsed by the vampire's eternal existence. The vampire, with its pale skin and piercing eyes, would embody the very essence of death that Poe was so captivated by. The two would engage in deep conversations about mortality, immortality, and the human condition.

But then, a thought struck me. If the vampire were to offer Poe the gift of immortality, would he accept or would he simply refuse it?

As I continued to watch the raven perched on the window sill, a name suddenly popped into my head.

"Lenore," I whispered, as if the bird could hear me. It seemed fitting, considering the connection I felt to Edgar Allan Poe's poem.

Lenore, the raven, and I were all intertwined in this moment of mystery and the unknown. I couldn't help but feel a sense of foreboding. Was it a sign of something ominous to come, or simply a coincidence? I shook off the feeling, choosing instead to focus on the warmth and love that filled the room.

Lenore had flown off into the night, leaving behind a sense of mystery and intrigue. But as I looked around at my family, I knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, we would face them together, united by love and laughter. And as we parted ways, I couldn't help but feel grateful for the bonds that held us together, stronger than any darkness that may come our way.

The next day, a thick blanket of clouds veiled the sky, concealing the radiant sunlight from my sight. With a thirst that gnawed at my insides, I ventured out into the wilderness, seeking solace in the hunt for an unsuspecting animal, perhaps a graceful deer. In the depths of my mind, a flicker of hope ignited, yearning to cross paths with Lenore, the enigmatic raven. Yet, a lingering doubt lingered, whispering in my ear, questioning how I would discern if fate had indeed brought us together once more.

As I trudged through the dense undergrowth, the silence of the forest enveloped me, broken only by the occasional rustle of leaves under my feet. The air was heavy with anticipation, as if nature itself held its breath, waiting for the moment when destiny would reveal its hand.

"Violet?"

Bree's voice reverberated in my mind. I frantically scanned the forest, but there was no sign of her. Then, the realization struck me - she was gone. The weight of my solitude pressed down on me, threatening to crush me under its heavy burden. I pushed forward, determined to find some semblance of purpose in this desolate landscape.

As I continued my journey, the clouds above began to darken, threatening to unleash a torrent of rain upon me. Eventually, I spotted a deer, grazing peacefully in a small clearing. Its elegant form and gentle demeanor captivated me, and I felt a surge of gratitude for the opportunity to witness such beauty in the midst of my desolation.

With cautious steps, I approached the deer, my heart pounding in my chest. I could feel the intensity of its gaze as it turned its head to meet my eyes. In that moment, a connection formed between us, a silent understanding that transcended words. I reached out my hand, hoping to touch its soft fur, but it gracefully stepped back, as if reminding me of the boundaries between our worlds.

And without hesitation, I seized its neck and sank my teeth into its flesh, savoring the taste of animal blood. The metallic tang filled my mouth, momentarily satisfying my insatiable thirst. The deer struggled weakly in my grasp, its eyes wide with fear and pain. Guilt washed over me, but I pushed it aside, reminding myself of the necessity of survival in this unforgiving world.

As I fed, a sense of primal satisfaction washed over me, momentarily drowning out the doubts and uncertainties that plagued my mind. The rain began to fall, a steady rhythm that matched the pounding of my heart. The forest around me seemed to come alive, the droplets of water dancing on leaves and creating a symphony of sound.

But amidst the chaos of nature's orchestra, a familiar caw pierced through the air. I froze, my senses heightened as I strained to locate the source of the sound. There, perched on a nearby branch, was Lenore, her ebony feathers glistening in the rain.

A surge of hope and disbelief coursed through me, as if fate had finally answered my silent plea. Lenore's eyes met mine, and in that moment, I knew. This was no mere coincidence. Our paths had crossed once again, and this time, I would not let her slip away.

With renewed determination, I released the deer from my grip, its lifeless body falling to the forest floor. Lenore watched me intently, her gaze filled with a mix of curiosity and understanding. I approached her cautiously and, as I drew nearer, Lenore spread her wings, a gesture that seemed to invite me closer.

I reached out tentatively, my fingers brushing against her sleek feathers. A surge of electricity coursed through me, a connection that transcended the boundaries of the natural world.

Yet, as darkness slowly enveloped us, Lenore remained unfazed. It was as though the darkness held a familiarity for her, a comfort in the unknown.

"Greetings," a man's voice broke the silence.

Startled, I turned to face the source of the voice, my hand still outstretched towards Lenore. Before me stood the man, his features unmistakable. I recognized his oblong face, the thick dark hair, and the beard that covered his neck. His eyes glowed a deep crimson, fixed on me. Clad in a vintage suit of rich purple with intricate black patterns, he looked more suited for a grand masquerade than a stroll in the woods.

His presence exuded an air of mystery and power, leaving me both intrigued and wary.

"Who are you?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

The man smiled, revealing a row of perfectly white teeth. "I am known by many names, but you may call me Ingram," he replied, his voice smooth and velvety, like the sound of a distant violin.

My amber eyes flickered at the mention of the name. Thoughts of Joseph's past, particularly of his brother, Ingram, flooded my mind.

Ingram's smile widened at my recognition, his eyes gleaming with a mixture of amusement and something darker. "Ah, I see you have heard of me," he remarked, his voice tinged with a hint of satisfaction.

I felt a shiver run down my spine, a sense of unease settling in the pit of my stomach. Ingram's presence felt both alluring and dangerous, like a predator disguised in the guise of a charming gentleman.

Lenore shifted beside me, her feathers rustling softly as if sensing the tension in the air. I glanced at her, seeking reassurance in her familiar presence, but even she seemed wary of the man before us.

Ingram's gaze lingered on me, his smile unwavering. "You are exquisite, breathtaking," he murmured, his voice low and hypnotic. "At first glance, I believed I had let my creation escape my grasp."

I felt more shiver run down my spine at his words, unsure of what he meant by "creation." My mind raced with questions, but before I could voice them, Lenore let out a soft, melodic chirp, breaking the tension in the air.

Ingram's gaze shifted to Lenore, his eyes softening as he reached out a hand to gently stroke her feathers. "Ah, Lenore, as she calls you," he said fondly, "You've done well."

I watched in confusion as Lenore nuzzled into Ingram's touch, seemingly at ease in his presence. It was as if she knew something I didn't, something about this man that made her trust him.

Ingram turned his attention back to me, his smile now tinged with a hint of mischief. "You must have so many questions, my dear," he said, his eyes twinkling with a mysterious light.

"Whoa, what's with the 'my dear' thing?" I suddenly exclaimed.

Ingram chuckled softly, his gaze never leaving mine. "Just a term of endearment, my dear," he replied smoothly. "But I understand if it makes you uncomfortable. I can assure you, I mean you no harm."

I couldn't help but feel a sense of unease at his words. There was something about him that seemed off, something that made my instincts scream at me to be cautious. But Lenore seemed to trust him, and I couldn't ignore her intuition.

Taking a deep breath, I finally spoke up. "What do you mean by 'creation'?" I asked, my voice steady despite the nerves that were beginning to creep in.

Ingram's smile widened, his eyes gleaming with a mix of pride and excitement. "Ah, my dear-"

"Quit calling me 'dear' and get to the point!" I interrupted, my impatience getting the better of me.

Ingram's expression faltered for a moment, but he quickly regained his composure. "Apologies, my apologies," he said, his tone slightly strained. "To answer your question, 'creation' refers to what humans would classify as 'shadow creatures'."

Recalling my previous research on shadow creatures and Joseph's stories of Ingram's fascination with shadows and darkness in his human life, I pondered the implications of his words.

His nod was accompanied by a mischievous glint in his eyes, as if he was delighted by my deduction. "Very perceptive," he said, his voice dripping with satisfaction. "I have the ability to bend shadows to my will, to create and control these shadow creatures."

I couldn't help but shudder at the thought of such power. It was both fascinating and terrifying at the same time. The raven's trust in him suddenly seemed even more significant, as if she had sensed the depth of his abilities.

"Is Lenore one of your creations too?" I asked, my curiosity overpowering my unease.

Ingram's grin widened even further, his pride evident in his posture. "Indeed, Lenore is one of my most recent creations," he confirmed, his voice filled with a mixture of affection and possessiveness. "I was journeying through North America a few months back. I stumbled upon a dying fire where I discovered they were ashes from the vampires. I couldn't resist the opportunity. I used my powers over shadows to breathe new life into them, transforming them into something entirely different."

My mind raced with questions, trying to comprehend the extent of Ingram's abilities. "So, Lenore is a vampire turned shadow creature?" I asked, my voice barely concealing my astonishment.

"Precisely, Violet," Ingram replied, his tone filled with certainty. 

My breath caught in my throat as I processed his response. Before I could fully react, a realization struck me. "Wait a minute, I never told you my name." 

Ingram's smile grew slightly, a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. "You're right, you didn't. But my brother called out your name, and you reacted."

Suddenly, a memory flashed in my mind...

The scent of blood hung heavy in the air, intoxicating and irresistible. It mingled with the earthy aroma of the surrounding forest, creating a heady cocktail that fueled my desire. It was a scent that triggered a primal response, awakening the ancient instincts that lay dormant within me.

Halting suddenly, I fixated my gaze upon the unsuspecting human, my predatory instincts kicking in as my body coiled, ready to strike. However, just as I was about to unleash my attack, my attention was diverted by a mysterious presence concealed within the dense greenery.

Emerging from the shadows was a figure, shrouded in a mystifying silhouette resembling that of a man, his eyes emanating an eerie crimson glow. The details of his attire and appearance remained elusive, leaving me intrigued and uncertain.

Silently, his gaze shifted from the injured cyclist to me, as if we shared a common prey that one of us would ultimately feast upon. Despite my instincts screaming at me to flee, I found myself inexplicably drawn to him, a strange sense of curiosity and fascination taking hold of me.

Instead of either of us making a move towards the cyclist, we stood there, locked in a gaze, as if engaged in a silent battle of wills.

I could feel the power emanating from him, a force that both intrigued and intimidated me. His presence seemed to command respect and fear simultaneously, a paradox that left me feeling both drawn to him and wary of his intentions.

As we stood there, a silent understanding passed between us, a recognition of each other's strength and capabilities. It was as if we were two predators sizing each other up, each waiting for the other to make the first move. And yet, there was a strange sense of camaraderie in that moment, a shared understanding of the primal instincts that drove us both.

Time seemed to stretch endlessly as I stood there, lost in a whirlwind of emotions. Soon enough, Gabriel, Joseph, and Simon caught up with me, their voices harmonizing in a chorus of concern. "Violet, please, just stop!" Joseph's voice boomed with authority, yet beneath the surface, I sensed his own frustration and exasperation...

I was taken aback by this revelation, my mind racing to that moment in my new life. It was as if we were living in a small world, and it seemed like it. The realization sent shivers down my spine, a mixture of awe and unease.

Ingram, sensing my apprehension, took a step closer, his eyes filled with a mixture of understanding and reassurance. "Do not be afraid, Violet—."

"It was you I saw at Epping Forest?" I immediately accused.

Ingram's eyes widened in surprise, his grin fading slightly. "Yes, it was me," he admitted, his voice tinged with a hint of guilt. "I apologize for not revealing myself sooner. I wanted to observe you, to see if you were truly worthy of my trust."

The pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place. The encounter in Epping Forest, the mysterious figure watching me from the shadows from outside the mansion — it had all been him. The realization left me both intrigued and unsettled.

Ingram took a step closer, his presence commanding yet strangely comforting. "I assure you, Violet, my intentions were never malicious."

A mix of emotions swirled within me, making it difficult to form coherent thoughts. "But why?" I managed to ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

Ingram's expression softened, his eyes filled with a depth of emotion I couldn't quite decipher. "Because—."

Before he could finish his sentence, the sound of approaching footsteps reached our ears, and it seemed he noticed it too.

Ingram's eyes darted towards the source of the noise, his face contorting into a mix of concern and urgency. "I better leave," he said to me.

I watched as he quickly turned and disappeared into the shadows, leaving me standing there, my mind reeling with questions and confusion. What was he about to disclose before the interruption? Despite the uncertainty, a part of me couldn't help but feel an inexplicable pull towards him, yearning more for his presence.

"Hey, Violet!" Joseph's voice called out to me. Oh no. Ingram's brother was approaching me. I needed to compose myself before he jumped to any conclusions. "I'm glad I found you, because I thought—."

I quickly plastered a smile on my face, trying to push aside the lingering thoughts of Ingram. "Hey, Joseph! What's up?" I asked, hoping to divert his attention away from the mysterious encounter I had just experienced.

"Are you okay?" he inquired. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

I chuckled nervously, trying to shake off the lingering effects of my encounter with Ingram. "Oh, you know me, always getting lost in my thoughts," I replied, hoping my casual tone would convince Joseph that everything was fine.

Joseph raised an eyebrow, clearly not convinced by my response. "Hmm... anywhere, Gabriel has something to share with us."

"What is it?" I asked, to shift the focus of the conversation.

"A surprise. He wants the entire family to be present."

As Joseph and I made our way back to the mansion, my mind couldn't help but wander back to the interrupted conversation with Ingram.

[anxiouslyfred]

20 Questions

Summary: Since the day their soulmate swap happened Janus has been trying to get Virgil to trust them, today he's starting to by making them play 20 questions.

Part of my Anxceit Soulmate swap au

/\/\

Janus had to admit that their first interaction with Virgil could have gone better and that they could have predicted their soulmate being a better person than they are. They could admit that.

They could also agree that Virgil was justified in being most pissed off with them rather than the people they worked with who didn't accept that Janus's original soulmate swap had been a lie just like the rest they'd tried to take. That was simply holding them accountable for the expectations of deception they'd put in everyone's brains.

What they didn't like however was that Virgil kept bringing it up and interrogating their every suggestion or refusal multiple times, even if the questions after refusals came with explicit statements confirming he wasn't pressuring them to change their answer, just wanting to understand it fully.

They had never planned on lying to their soulmate after meeting them, or even for their actions to cause as much stress as they apparently had done. Yet even after they'd explained this, Virgil wasn't relaxing into the relationship or trusting them fully. It was like he'd taken the stress of their first day of connection and imprinted it onto the relationship.

Originally Janus had thought playing into the situation would help. They'd tell small lies, immediately correct themselves with the truth and a comment about Virgil deserving that and smile or chuckle at it.

In response Virgil would narrow his eyes, ask something deeper, more demanding of a truthful answer but related to the original question and wait. Perhaps he was trying to join in with their joke, but they suspected he was actually trying to convince himself that their second statements actually were the truth. His gaze felt so heavy and sharp for him to be playing along with their bit.

This had been carrying on for months now, and a fortnight since Janus had dropped the bit and decided to be 100% honest with Virgil all the time. They still got squinted at, but Virgil did seem to be relaxing more now the teasing lies had been dropped.

Tonight was date night in Virgil's apartment and they were greeted by a confusing sight.

Virgil had pulled his table into the middle of the room where it normally stayed against the wall, left paper and pens out, and the TV not just turned off but covered as well.

Given dates at Virgil's usually consisted of take out and a movie, Janus was already thoroughly confused.

“Thought I could actually try to learn more about you while you're still in your honesty kick.”

“It's a promise I silently made that I'm going to remain truthful to you forever more. It's not some temporary kick.”

“It'll take longer than a couple weeks to believe that. But aren't you asking how?”

“A game of pictionary perhaps? Or maybe filling out some question form you printed from a website and then discussing our answers?”

“Twenty questions. Besides I know you like to keep notes over things about me you find interesting. I've seen you pause to do so plenty of times and found the notebook you grab if you weren't able to note something in the moment.”

“So all these pages are just for me? How thoughtful.”

Virgil huffed a laugh, relaxing at their acceptance and finally moving to sit at the table. They only paused for a second before following, glancing around the room again.

“I assume you've already got dinner planned also?”

“Lasagne is in the oven, I'll add the garlic bread to warm up after 15 questions.”

“Nice planning.”

“Guess I'm starting then. Favourite Memory?”

“My manager's clumsy attempt at apologising after the Christmas party taught him you really are my soulmate. Reason for loving your favourite song?”

“It helps me relax and cheers me up. Since you didn't ask what it is though, I'm not saying. Weirdest experience?”

“A complete stranger looking identical to a co-worker moving in next door then instead of trying to introduce himself barging in naked and demanding to use my shower after breaking his with some cornflour/ jelly monstrosity. Describe your relationship with your parents?”

“Fuck, Remus is completely insane. Not a question, an exclamation, but why the hell are you friends with him now? Pick one film to watch forever more, tell me why?”

“Shrek, an insult to Disney done right which is entertaining and attacks the corruption ruling our society. If you're going to laugh, tell me yours?”

“The Three Musketeers. Photos or trinkets to keep as memories?”

“Photos. Why do you want to cling to the past?”

“Fuck you, wanting to remember shit isn't clinging to the past. It's treasuring the time that I enjoy myself when it comes along. Okay then, dreams for the future, excluding relationship dreams?”

“Take over the company and force our managers to realise that things are better when self-care is prioritised for your staff. Favourite colour?”

“Purple, since I get told black isn't a colour. Back at you, favourite colour?”

“Gold, or any shade of yellow. What's the first thing you remember?”

“Falling down 2 flights of stairs in school. I was maybe 6. Favourite type of weather?”

“Rain, especially when I'm not outside and can watch from a window as people rush through to find shelter. Worst natural disaster to experience?”

“High category earthquake. It can kill you the slowest of natural disasters. Screw it, what's a childhood trauma?”

“Neglect, in the form of constantly being locked out of home and left to find different places to stay. Crime you wish you'd committed?”

“Who the fuck wishes to commit crimes? Probably just mouthing off at the bastards running work on the insane hours you've literally threatened with court action now. Reasons you should be arrested?”

“Cute, petty theft doesn't count and you already know my illegitimate soulmate day, so assaulting the police when they can't see me, light graffiti and changing contracts that have already been signed could all count towards that, I suppose. Something simple now, favourite animal?”

“Spiders, and that's an important question, what's yours?”

“Serpents, although the Komodo dragon also scores highly. Any creative hobbies?”

“Crochet and you're not making it a side hustle. How would you have liked our first meeting to go?”

“Preferably occurring on a weekend where we could meet somewhere in the city and have lunch, paid for by me, of course. Preferably returning to my home so I could explain to you my belief that the soulmate day being a singular day to be claimed with no additional days being offered for getting to know each other, or in case there's an occurrence of polyamorous soulmates. Are you going to distrust me forever?”

“Janus, I'm literally playing this game with you because I'm starting to at least trust you to either tell the truth or tell me if you lie. That's not distrust. It's just not taking you at face value which you actually don't want me to do. You literally judge everyone who accepts what you say as being too trusting and both Thomas and Remus are only friends because they've both done things you don't expect and called out your harmless lies, instead of only the big ones you get caught in often. Why do you accept everything about me so easily?”

“Because you are Virgil and he is interesting and confusing but beyond your suspicion is someone who cares and wants to be looked after in return.”

They didn't have a question to follow up with, and given Virgil had just shoved himself away from the table staring in disbelief supposed that didn't particularly matter.

“You mean that?”

“Of course I do.”

“”I – I- I'm going to put the garlic bread in.”

He disappeared into the kitchen looking overwhelmed.

Janus knew they'd actually said the right thing. That wasn't a negative reaction, but they both needed a moment. Neither of them had held back on the depth of the questions asked and they wondered if perhaps they should have, or maybe should have included more silly ones, except silly ones could all too easily turn serious if you don't know what history a person has.

“I don't think we should continue the game.”

“Perhaps not, but if we just carry on chatting, then we're still going to be learning more about each other.”

Virgil's nod was slow, and his smile was shaky, but Janus knew they'd broken down some of the barriers left between them.

Of course there would still be times where they snap at each other, or share judgements neither agrees with, but Janus thought they just might be a step closer to that story of soulmates being side by side taking on the world rather than side eyeing each other in suspicion over their next move.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Banter Masterlist

2011 (ao3) - outphan

Summary: Dan and Phil move in together.

A Little Space (ao3) - macdell

Summary: Phil gets invited to a cousin's wedding. Dan comes, too.

A refined twink (ao3) - R3ad3r1

Summary: Dan comes back home from a panel and he is cross as he overheard somebody calling him a refined twink.

attention wins your affections and oh, how i love it so (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Dan and Phil dog-sit a friend's dog and Dan realises just how much Phil acts like a dog with how he expresses affection and Dan falls a little bit more in love.

bonus prize (ao3) - silentdescant

Summary: Dan got a question wrong on Phil's quiz. He still wants a prize.

canon in d (ao3) - danhoweiis

Summary: dan goes out to a bar and a stranger buys him a drink. what happens next may surprise you! [not clickbait]

'cause you are home to me (ao3) - overmyhead

Summary: soon to be reunited homosexual homeowners and all the pheels.

Flatmates (ao3) - intoapuddle

Summary: oh my god they were flatmates / the fuckboy!phil au we all deserve

Fuck Your Cereal (ao3) - cyanica

Summary: Four times Dan got justice for his cereal, and one time where Phil won their prank war using a person's certain first video... that's still on the internet for some reason.

Game Night (ao3) - LetterJumble

Summary: The five times Phil won game night, and the one time it didn’t matter.

i jump for my phone every moment it lights up (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Dan left YouTube behind to become an actor, but years later when coronavirus hits and forces him into self-imposed quarantine he rediscovers an old passion of his - AmazingPhil. He hadn't counted on becoming internet friends with him, or falling in love for that matter.

i'm half doomed and you're semi sweet (ao3) - gothfob

Summary: “Does it sound pathetic if I say I missed you?” Dan murmurs into his skin, his hands flirting with the hem of Phil’s shirt and pushing it up his back.

“Not anymore than usual.” Phil teases, running a hand through Dan’s hair and tilting his chin up with the other. Dan kind of looks like he wants to slap him across the face, but he brings their lips together and feels Dan melt against him. He grins into it, feeling triumphant.

“Say you missed me back.” Dan pouts, crossing his arms in front of his chest and falling back on the bed petulantly.

it's fashion, babe (ao3) - karcathy

Summary: In which Dan persuades Phil to try on some of his merch, and both of them are stupid about it.

Kindness (at the End) (ao3) - lovestillaround

Summary: A story about the Christmas Eve, a wooden chest left by Phil on the kitchen table, and a mission to get the key.

lazy morning (ao3) - itsmyusualphannie (itsmyusualweeb)

Summary: phil is a good bf and makes breakfast for dan. dan repays him by jumpscaring him. (then dan makes up for it)

phil will never finish his coffee at this rate

Love me (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: Dan is cute and he knows it, and he really wants his boyfriends attention. So he decides to annoy Phil until he gets what he wants.

....

Dan loudly clears his throat, “Um excuse me? Yeah your cute boyfriend is right here and asking for attention.” He over-dramatically gestures to himself.

Nuance (ao3) - JudeAraya

Summary: Dan's plan to surprise Phil with something sexy goes a little sideways.

of tea leaves and coincidences (ao3) - dakogutin

Summary: Sometimes the universe has creative ways to prove its powers.

or

Phil is a firm believer of cosmic forces and signs. Dan isn’t.

Phil Who? (ao3) - CanDanAndPhilNot (enbycalhoun)

Summary: Phil gets amnesia and his husband, Dan, tries to help him remember. Aka my knowledge of amnesia consists of the movie Overboard, and that one episode of Full House so don't come for me.

Pictionary Proposal (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: Dan is with his family in France and Phil is planning to propose when he returns home.

Pressing Business (ao3) - TeddyAsInLupin (TeddyMedley)

Summary: Dan and Phil iron some clothes as they pack last-minute. Banter occurs.

Pumpkin Spice (ao3) - ThoughtaThought

Summary: You remember how I left you on the verge of smut in Chapter 3 of Pumpkin Pride? Here ya go, here's that smut.

Winter 2009

Dan: 18

Phil: 22

"Read the room Mum" -Daniel Howell (ao3) - MistressDistress

Summary: Based on Dan's line, "Read the room Mum" in the youtube live he was recently in talking bout video calling.

security! (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Dan comes home to Phil after tour rehearsals. They cook, kiss and banter. And Dan reflects on the word "security".

smiled, and it was perfect (ao3) - winstonlives

Summary: Dan and Phil in Jamaica on a youtuber trip. Their relationship is still pretty young, but the love is real. So are the bugs.

The Innkeeper's Son (ao3) - whataqueerfish

Summary: In which teenage Dan is dragged along on a family vacation and ends up meeting some scary trees, an angry moth, and the boy of his dreams

The Winter Birds (Have Come Back Again) (ao3) - your_starless_eyes

Summary: The act of being cold itself is not so unusual. He’s sharing a bed with Phil “The Heat Vampire” Lester, for Christ’s sake. Somehow, Phil always manages to zap every ounce of warmth in Dan’s body and then snatch all the blankets. It’s an… endearing quality.

This is a different kind of cold though — one that’s stemming from the air around him rather than Phil’s icy skin.

OR

That one Reverse Bang fic in which the heating goes out and a lot of banter happens.

This Guy (ao3) - Snowflurryflake

Summary: This guy! Seriously.

That says it all, doesn't it?

through the six (ao3) - waveydnp

Summary: dan and phil enjoy a little bit of connected solitude. just a happy fic inspired by dnp's breakfast bants texts

or

the 'and you want it with me?' 'yee' fic, because. yeah.

Tracing Constellations (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: Two 6-foot men cuddling in a single armchair doesn't sound like a good idea.

It isn't, but dan and phil do almost anything for intimacy...

watermelon sugar high (ao3) - itsmyusualphannie (itsmyusualweeb)

Summary: Dan is the son of Hades, god of the Underworld, while Phil is the son of Hebe, goddess of youth and vitality. They couldn't be more different, but somehow they're friends (and maybe a little more).

When Opposites Attract (ao3) - confettiwrites

Summary: Dan doesn’t do a lot but sit around on his laptop until one night, at a party hosted by Dan’s brother, a guy dressed in oddly creative clothing stumbles into Dan’s room and suggests they go out on an overnight adventure.