#there are people who KNOW i’m gay trans and nd and still??? want to?? be my friend??

[quillsink]

i have…friends….people who…care about me….what is this sorcery.

[wooshofficial]

hello what are ur thoughts on the new hbomberguy video

OKOK SO I watched it from the hours of midnight to 4am, so I was kinda incoherent when posting that BUT I still do have thoughts.

Mainly I want to pummel James Somerton into the ground for multiple reasons, most of which H put more succinctly than I ever could.

It’s just so fucking disheartening to see someone like James Somerton be so successful off the hard work of people who have dedicated their lives to the stuff he’s ripping off of when those original authors are barely getting paid. It’s very hard to be an academic and watch this video because I know that if I were to write something academic about the queerness in media and publish it, which I plan to do out of college, there’s a very real possibility of James or someone like him finding the work, yoinking it and not giving me the credit, when I won’t get a fucking cent from the publication or him.

I hate that he’s getting away with it too, basically pulling the “I’m gay so I can’t be bad” card. That’s a fucking step BACK from the equal rights that LGBTQ people have been fighting for. By pulling this excuse, he separates the “gays” from the “straights”, putting each group under one black and white label- the straights are evil people who just want to put us gays down. That is a nasty idea right there. Follow that train far enough and you find yourself spouting homophobic rhetoric. Equal rights and seeing the LGBTQ community as equal to others means seeing them as human at ALL angles, the good and the bad. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you can’t fuck up. Hell, I’m gay, and I’ve fucked up more times than I can count! It just makes me human, and it doesn’t make me less gay. James Somerton is touting himself as The Gay Person Who Knows Everything, which is blatantly untrue, discredits every queer person he’s ripped off of, and separates himself from the other LGBTQ people who make content as “better”- there’s that seed of homophobia again.

AND HE KEEPS DOING THIS! He’s biphobic and misogynistic! He routinely attacks “straight white women”—who could very well be bisexual, but because they’re women they MUST be straight according to Somerton logic—and discredits the work of bisexual authors (mainly bisexual women) who talk about the struggles of the LGBTQ community because “they like the opposite sex so they wouldn’t get it”. He dips himself into transphobia in order to give his biphobia and misogyny some weight, misgendering ND Stevenson (who has been on record about his struggle with coming out and gender identity) and Rebecca Sugar (who has done the same) on multiple occasions. And it’s really fucking disgusting. It really fucking is. When he copies off of work that mentions the words “trans” or “transgender”, he covers those words with generalizations, which takes the transgender community out of the queer experience. So on TOP of being misogynistic and biphobic, he’s ramming headfirst into transphobia too. Which holy fucking shit.

I just. H said not to send hate to James or his team or anyone else talked about in the video on his behalf. I agree and I don’t want to do that. But I sure hope this video is enough to make James Somerton stop being the utter fucking academic supervillain he is. He thinks he can get away with it because YouTube doesn’t count as academia, but there is so much goddamn evidence against him at this point he can’t possibly get off Scot free anymore. I hope YouTube staff sees that video and takes his channel down. I hope Nick, his co-writer that he threw under the bus, gets compensated and a better job. I hope every author and filmmaker Somerton ripped off makes enough money from the video to pay for rent. This can’t keep happening. It just can’t.

[sparklecriticism]

FAQ

Please read the FULL THING before sending an ask. It’s not that long I promise you. Or maybe it is I keep editing it

What’s your name?

That’s top secret, just call me Mod Polly

Pronouns?

He/him, I have others but I’m not giving myself away THAT easy

Do you hate Sparklecare?

Absolutely not, if I hated it i wouldn’t have made this blog. I just think the fandom is god-awful and that the comic has so much wasted potential. I still regularly keep up with the comic’s updates, follow the blog (alongside the blogs for Kittycorn’s other various projects), and enjoy making fanstuff for it. I am heavily critical of all my interests, especially indie projects since I KNOW those ones don’t have to go through censors and shit.

If you don’t hate it, then what’s this blog for???

This is for me complaining about the fandom, and criticizing the comic. This is essentially a diary of bitching.

I don’t like this blog

Block me, this is my personal diary of bitching. I remember I was in your shoes once, and didn’t like to see criticisms of Sparklecare, so I 100% get it.

Were you sparklecrit?

No. Leave them out of this. They clearly feel remorse for their past actions. Now me on the other hand, I feel bad about none of this XD

Are you gonna post the preboot link?

Absolutely not. I’m not going to disrespect Kittycorn’s wishes. Like I said this is only my personal diary of bitching, nothing more.

Is your main [tumblr user]?

Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?

Thoughts on mspec lesbians/gays/contradictory labels in general?

Cool as shit. Do what you want, conservatives want us dead. Polly is a bi lesbian also, she told me this herself.

Thoughts on the preboot?

It’s way funnier and way less “clean”, I’ll give it that. However, the reboot does a better attempt when it comes to characters, keyword attempt. I still miss Knot though.

Favorite character?

If I said my actual fave, I’d be given away. However, I love the side patients/side characters in general.

Least favorite character?

Uni. She’s treated by the fandom like she can do no wrong, and it feels like people only draw her. Because of this it sorta ruined her for me as a character. Sorry Uni.

Favorite ship?

Honest to god I see good chemistry/potential in all of them. I’ve never really been interested in Sparklecare shipping on its own but I enjoy doing it to analyze the characters and whatever the fuck

Least favorite ship?

Barruni. It’s the only one I see 0 chemistry or interest in, sorry. No hate to anyone who does ship it though!!

What about Cuddles?

Cuddles doesn’t feel like a character to me. He’s not interesting enough for me to hate that much. I don’t like him either, by any stretch of the imagination. I just forget he exists.

What do the tags mean?

“Fandom bitching” is for bitching about the fandom, “reboot bitching” is for bitching about the reboot, “comet bitching” is for any bitching regarding the Cometcare AU askblog, which will probably be few and far between let’s be real here, and “preboot bitching” is for bitching about the preboot because I WILL criticize the preboot as well. All criticisms/bitching will be tagged “sparklecriticism”. “Not bitching” is for general posts, and “Polly speaks” is for general posts from Polly. “Sparkleposting” is about my general, standard Sparklecare posts, usually regarding the version of it that exists in my brain. The "asks" tag is self-explanatory, and "your bitching" is bitching sent in by VIEWERS LIKE YOU!!!!!!

Are you trans/queer/nd/mentally Ill/disabled?

I’ve been a fan of this comic since late 2021, what the fuck do you think. Yes to all 5.

Will you be tagging character neg?

No. This is sparklecriticism what did you expect. I will however tag ship neg as “[ship] neg”, though you’ll probably only see that for Barruni.

Are you a troll?

No.

Why are you doing this???

I believe anything worth a damn is worthy of criticism. I also want to see if anyone else agrees with me here. Sparklecare is a spinterest of mine, I care about it a lot. It’s why I’m so harsh on it.

Sparklecare’s a spinterest for you?????

Yes, in fact the day I developed it as a major spinterest is the day I started being more harsh on it.

Why don’t you read better comics then?

I do, actually! If you wanna hear the comics I like send me an ask-off anon and I’ll tell you privately :3 webcomics in general are a spinterest of mine actually! It’s why I’m so harsh on them, because I KNOW they can be so much more!!

If you hate bitch on this comic so much, why don’t you make your own comic??

I already did, actually! I’m not sharing it to keep my privacy, but I do in fact have a webcomic! If you wanna see it, send me an ask off-anon and I might send you it in private

How would you feel if someone made a criticism blog based off YOUR comic???

I’d feel honored, honest to god. I would encourage it if you guys knew who/what the fuck I/the comic was

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

Am I wrong to be angry? Posted on r/asktransgender too from my Reddit account. Lately I have been feeling uncomfortable with my dad. I’ll give some context. I am adopted and a ND Asian American AMAB with white parents. I’m 19 but still living with them. I’m not sure if I am trans or just feminine/gnc but I have been feeling uncomfortable around my dad. He claims he would be cool with me being gay but trans is a different subject. He’s sometimes asked me at random times how I feel about trans women in sports and he claims he thinks it’s wrong for bio males to play women’s sports. He asked when I was still waking up or caught off guard and I couldn’t really think of a response. Once I overheard him refer to bottom surgery as genital mutilation. He also has some republican friends who watch TPUSA or the Daily Wire and follow accounts like “Endwokeness”. He really wants to move to Florida so he can collect both a pension from Michigan and Florida and I definitely don’t want to go. He attends a nondenominational church (Cedar Creek in Toledo) that is non affirming while claiming to be welcoming. Whenever he lets me know how proud he is, he always has to ruin it by saying “god made you perfect”. I don’t really talk about this with my parents as no matter how much they say “share your thoughts” or “I’ll support you whatever” I don’t trust them. I have some catholic relatives who are also prolife and republican and I keep my true feelings deep down when having to see them. I don’t have any real friends and don’t really have people I can trust so I just use Reddit and tumblr to vent. He’s especially good at making me feel bad when he says I need to accept other opinions (paradox of tolerance). Some may tell me I am too sensitive but I think I need to go to therapy and figure things out.

@agro-carnist

[semi-precious-stoner]

Does anyone know how to make friends? This is a serious question. I’m autistic ( and was outcasted from any other kids other then siblings since I was young. I somehow made a group of friends online, a lot of them were also ND and it helped, but I still don’t know how to talk to people there. it’s more like, we’re only friends when all of us are together, other than that, i don’t talk to any of them. i’ve always really wanted friends, like, a person who i can talk to about my day and i can hear about their day. even just reblogging each others post would make me very very happy.

I go by Grom online, after the monster from TOH, and I use he/they and all neopronouns. I am a trans nonbinary guy from Canada, I am also aromantic and bi. I have autism, ADHD, tourette’s, and some other stuff I am trying to avoid. I’m Métis. I am very much a leftist (pro-choice, tax/eat the rich, BLM, you know, all that good stuff). I’m a minor, so please don’t interact if you are 18 or above.

I’m really into the Maurader’s era, The Owl House, any show/cartoon with queer rep really, webtoons, Marvel, Mulan, and talking about how I would like to murder god and all the humans in the world so the planet can start practicing self-care. I’m currently reading the Heroes of Olympus series, it’s taken me years to get to read it because I have reading problems (My name is Jarred, i’m 19), and I finally got it on audio book (i’m on House of hades rn).

I also really like talking about ocs. I have a couple stories rn. one about a homeschool group who goes to Alcatraz Island and gets stuck there because of the apocolypse and one of the people’s special interest is zombies, so they act like a kid in a candy shop when the whole world dies. i really like talking about it and i write a bit for it too.

Anyways, interact with this if you want to be friends or mutuals, or dm me a random question if you want to have a convo. I personally have a lot of anxiousness about dming people because i’m scared people will find it weird, i actually get super very excited when someone messages me. i also have a discord if you want to message on that. ummmmm...Be Gay, Do Arson?

[mylifeinchapters]

Chapter 3

Woof so last night was a something. Nothing too special but it was the 2nd day of jam-packed activity and it left me very tired. After work I went back to my apartment because it is easier to do my online therapy with Jane from my apartment then from my parent’s house. I got there and started to prep dinner when I got a knock at the door and surprise. It was the landlord telling me he had not gotten to my bathroom yet. (sarcastic yay) So he told me that Thursday will be the day it will get done and again I was like “OK but the mold” which he seemed to brush off. The mold is bad, but it stopped smelling as bad, I guess. Still bad and still bad enough for me to sleep at my parents. After he left I jumped online to talk with Jane. We just went over the course of the week. It’s weird that I don’t recognize that my life is stressful until some is like “yeah I can understand your anxiety you’ve been experiencing a lot of change lately” and then I reflect on that and I go “yeah you’re right how did I miss that” I feel a bit dumb because it so obvious.

Then came the rough part Rainbow Circle. I truly don’t know what to do with this group. I want it to keep going but people keep not showing up. I also don’t have topics to really talk about. Pause for a second. Rainbow Circle is an LGBTQ+ Christian group that I facilitate. I’m not the leader I just sorta get people together but I also feel like I’m kind of the leader and it is fizzling. The only people who showed up were John and Maryann. Suzanne bailed at the last second and I was so upset because I wanted to chat with her and also because she would be some who would talk. I am not a talker. I am a reactor. I add to the conversation and add insight and quips, but I am not good at generating conversation. Thankfully John is a talker, so we mostly talked about John’s problems/questions.

Maryann is confusing. I don’t think she wants to be at Rainbow Circle. I think she feels obligated to go for some reason, but she doesn’t like a lot of the people there and I don’t think she likes me anymore and I know people don’t like her and are avoiding RC because she is there. It’s annoying to know that if I kicked out Maryann maybe 2 people who I do like would come back. But that’s not the Christian thing to do.

But the way I have been treated by Christians I don’t know if I would even consider myself a Christian anymore. I’m very burned out by Christianity and its rules that say I am not good enough because I am gay. I’ve lived with that way thinking all my life and it is bullshit! I hate it and I hate the people think less of the LGBTQ+ Christians. So why do a facilitate a Christian group. I don’t know anymore. The rules of being a good Christian that I grew up with are wrong. God has not changed, I still think God loves me as I am, a HOMOSEXUSAL!!!!  but I have grown past the teachings of my childhood, I understand more. To quote the Tilda Swinton from Doctor Strange, “You’re a man looking at the world through a keyhole. You’ve spent your whole life trying to widen that keyhole, to see more, to know more. And now, on hearing that it can be widened in ways you can’t imagine, you reject the possibility.” Unlike Benedict Cumberbatch I have not rejected the possibility that God is bigger than the doctrine I was taught and that looking at the keyhole (AKA religion or God or faith) from a different perspective has given me a bigger idea of who God is. Not being stuck in rigid teaching has shown me more about myself and God. To quote Iroh from Avatar the Last Airbender, “It is important to draw wisdom from many different places. If you take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale.” (honestly there are a ton of Iroh quotes. Maybe I’ll do post on them).

Then in what still feels like blasphemy I said out loud to people that I think other religions still lead to the same God and I know the 2009 version of me would have had a heart attack and would be very concerned for the 2021 version of me’s soul. I’m OK and I don’t know if that’s where I exactly land but it doesn’t feel completely wrong either so I am sitting with it for now. What started and as a conversation about John letting his son participate in communion transformed into a theological discussion on merits of institutionalized doctrine that goes against our understanding of who God is. In hindsight it was a good conversation and presents be me with a lot to chew. Like If the church is wrong about LGBTQ+ matters what else are they wrong about? How much of the teaching I learned as kid do I keep and what do I throw away? Can I even throw away aspects of a religion? If I do, aren’t I just created a new religion?  That’s why we have some many Christian denominations right? I think this is why I am still in the group even if it was just me and John talking. It challenges me and my views of God and I still, deep down, I want to be connected to a Christina group. I still like God and I still frame myself in relationship to God…even when it’s negative thoughts. It’s ingrained in me and I don’t think that is a bad thing. I closed out the night in prayer and I rushed to the gym.

I weighed myself before the Gym and I am still 190. Yeah, I have made some poor food choices since being at my parents but in no way has it been detrimental to my diet. I’ve been to the gym every day, and I have been eating within my calorie range…probably. I don’t eat all day and then I eat a ton of food at night and when I mean a ton of food let’s take last night as an example. Dinner was asparagus and salmon, very low calorie so I upped my calories by eating pumpkin seeds, then I ate some wild rice, but the big mistake was eating a giant frosted cookie the size of a CD. It was good but I also don’t know how many calories I ate. I had 1800 calories to play with so I should be fine…right?

I went to the gym and nothing crazy happened. I did back and 1 chest exercise. I avoided the personal trainer who is “helping me lose weight” because I have a session with him the next day. But man, personal trainer sessions are a rip off. They are so dumb. I am paying someone to be my spotter. Its dumb and I have not lost any weight. But I do like how I look. I’m giving off muscle bear vibes which is a look I really like. So I’m happy with how I look, I just want to lose some of the fat. I think I just want to define the chest more and sort of smooth out the gut. If I could look like the below picture I’d be happy.  

After the gym I shopped for pumpkin seeds and grabbed popcorn and chips. Popcorn just in case I got hungry and chips for the podcast. I won’t eat the chips until Monday. Then I went to my parents. At this point it’s 9pm and my mom is curiously still up milling around. She just wanted to watch TV with me I guess but I felt weird having her watch people explain the Dragonball Fighterz update patch so I decided to test my mom. I put on ContraPoints video essay about Envy. Would mom be bothered by a socialist transwoman talking about 1 of the 7 deadly sins? Since Natalie didn’t overtly say she was trans or a socialist it wasn’t a good test, but it was a good video even if it did put mom to sleep. I think we made it halfway through before I stopped it and she went to bed. I never got her feedback on the video and I don’t think I will ask. Is it weird that I am recounting the previous day in my journal entries….hmmmmm probably.

Work is boring and I just want the day to be over. 

[emstrekblogfun]

My Take on Trans Julian hcs:

1. Pop culture needs better trans representation. Because of the lack of it, trans people tend to make it, seeing lots of characters as trans. This is no different from seeing characters as gay or bi, even if not explicitly written as such. This is a legit thing to do.

2. I am not trans. My perspective on trans issues will always be that of an outsider who often doesn’t understand certain things, but understands that they are real and it’s not my place to say they aren’t. I don’t understand jack shit about physics but I’m not going to deny the existence of gravity.

3. It’s easy to argue for or against Julian as trans. It’s even easier to see some of his experiences as a trans allegory, namely the Jules/Julian argument. These are both masculine names, but the dead naming quality is still there. I can get why trans people would relate to this moment.

4. I admit that Trans Julian is hard for me to go along with. It’s not that it’s a trans headcanon. I’ve already explained that those are legit and THIS ESSAY IS NOT AN ARGUMENT AGAINST THE HEADCANON OR A REJECTION OF PEOPLE WHO LIKE IT. There are actually other things about it that don’t work FOR ME PERSONALLY. It’s shown (admittedly in a terrible episode) that gender reassignment in the 24th century is ridiculously easy. If Julian is trans, his experience wouldn’t resemble that of the trans people who relate to him.

5. The implications of “his gender was changed along with his augmentations” has a kind of weird connotation to it. That would mean that Julian’s gender was changed against his will and he identifies as the male he became. The gender reassignment becomes another invasive, involuntary surgery.

6. Ultimately, though, my reason for not really being into this hc is petty and I apologize in advance. I’m not trans, but I autistic and Julian’s disability and “therapy” to “fix” him remind me a lot of the sorts of things autistic people go through, especially if they were diagnosed as children, as I was. There’s no reason that different people can’t relate to the same story for different reasons. If both trans and autistic people see something relatable in this, their feelings are equally valid. For people who are both autistic/neurodivergent and trans, this is even better. 

7. My issue tends to be the phrasing of trans hcs. It’s completely accidental, but it sticks with me. Whenever people talk about Julian’s gender being modified along with his other genetic enhancements, it feels like a dismissal of everything else. “It sucks that they fucked with his brain to make him smarter, but you know what would be REALLY bad? If they changed his gender!”. Nobody actually means this and I’M NOT ACCUSING ANYONE OF ABLEISM IF THEY LIKE STORIES OR HEADCANONS ABOUT THIS. This is an explanation of my own complicated feelings on the matter, and really more a critique of myself. It’s petty and irrational to feel like the trans headcanon somehow delegitimizes the autistic headcanon because they’re not mutually exclusive. I guess this one thing brings out my frustration on autistic/nd issues in general and how even progressive media and culture tends to ignore it. The people who remember transpeople still forget autistic people, making it feel like I’m lower on some sort of minority totem pole, which isn’t true, nor is it in any way productive.

8. My issue isn’t with Julian or the Trek fandom at all. It just becomes an easy target when I’m mad about something else. I’m mad that when my dad’s theatre students want to do a play with a trans character, they make sure to consult actual transpeople, but when it’s an autistic character, they first think of interviewing neurotypical psychologists. Historically, trans issues have been treated as medical case studies instead of aspects of the lives of real human-beings, but we’re starting to move beyond that. That’s a great thing. But, transpeople aren’t the only type of people to have their voices taken away in that manner. The fact that one group’s situation, at least in that regard, is getting better, but my group’s situation isn’t creates an irrational feeling of jealousy, even though there are many ways trans people actually have it harder. At least I can decide which bathroom to use without having to factor in whether people might question my right to be there to the point of violence. That’s a cis privilege that I have. Playing a game of Whose Life Sucks More is pointless. It creates a division between people who are all victims of the same system and who should work with each other, not against each other.

tldr: I often have to remind myself not to be offended by a perfectly legit headcanon because it reminds me of my own feelings of mariginalization. I apologize for this and I try to avoid mentioning said headcanon to keep from being a dick to people who definitely DON’T deserve it 

[defeatedbyamerechild]

Still not going to be posting for a while, but I had some Pokémon-related questions for you ^^

1) Not sure if you’re still doing the ship ratings, but what do you think of Giovanni x Cyrus? I go back and forth between them being in a relationship or Cyrus being ace…

2) I also have been thinking about trans Ghetsis and Colress… I was curious, how would a (pre-op) man prevent menstruation? In my headcannon, if either one of them were trans, both wouldn’t be able to get surgery.

Thanks uwu

---

Hello! I had stopped the ratings, with grades and all, but I don’t see any problem in commenting what you sent me. So let me see...

1) About Cyrus and Giovanni, I used to like that ship a bit more in the past, but I kinda grew tired of it, I don’t know. I mean, I’ve never actually shipped them, it’s never been too attractive for me, but there was a period of time when I thought it was rather cute. Now I feel pretty neutral, if not a bit negative about it. I can’t quite explain though, I think it’s because of how I have developped both the characters in my comics. Still it’s not like I would complain about people who ship them or whatever, I’ve seen some really cute pictures of them and really nice headcanons of them before. I’ve nothing against it, it’s just a ship that I don’t think I would be able to make work nowadays. About Cyrus being ace, it’s the headcanon that I’ve chosen for him in my comics. Aromantic and Asexual. Still, I’m also open to other headcanons for him. Gay Cyrus, straight Cyrus, demisexual Cyrus, aromantic but not ace, or ace but not aro... biromantic and gray-ace. There are thousands od possibilities  in terms of romanticism and sexuality for him, whatever you feel like working with will be fine. If you would like to have an ace Cyrus in a relationship with Gio, you can have him be, let’s say, demiromantic and gray-ace... Or homoromantic and asexual. Or demiromantic demisexual. There are ways to make that happen without having to completely discart the ace spectrum from his character. :) Also, nothing wrong with playing with two headcanons at the same time. Two different au’s maybe... Recently, I’ve become more interested on the idea of shipping Cyrus with Lysandre. This would never happen in my comics and is totally impossible in this headcanon, but that doesn’t mean I can’t think of what it would be like in a different hc, nd even write about it if I ever feel like it. ^^ 2) About trans Ghetsis and Colress, that’s great! All trans headcanons are valid. Actually, a while back, I thought about an intersex Ghetsis (More specifically, Ghetsis finding out he actually has ovaries and that he’s intersex and never knew it, and that helping him become less sexist and lgbtq-phobic). I don’t think it’s going to happen in my comics in reality, but it was interesting to think of. Anyway... About the period question, as a cis woman, I feel like I don’t really have the authority to talk about this in details... You should try to find some trans-focused blogs that could answer your questions. I did some research for writing my trans Piers, though, so I can try to say a few things... First, sadly, it seems like menstruation is not discussed a lot for men, which sucks, so it’s not that easy to find out info on that. Another consequence of that is, most of the things I saw were dysphoric men talking about how much period hurt them emotionally and psychologically, because it made their dysphoria much worse. I know it’s a huge issue for many trans men, as well as some NBs of course. Still, some trans man that don’t experience dysphoria have nearly just the same amount of discomfort as a women. No women likes having periods, we know that, so naturally no trans men like it either. But some can deal with it without getting dysphoric feelings. If you want to talk about period in a trans man’s life, there are many aspects of it that you can try to include. Many trans men I saw on the Internet talked about how they hated having to change their pads in a male bathroom, and how they had to hide pads or cups, and how much they feared having leaks in public. Many of them talked about incresed symptoms of other psychological conditions such as depression, nd suicidal thoughts related to “feeling like a woman despite knowing they are not” or like their bodies were trying to go against their minds. Well, you talk about “pre-op” men, that is, men who intend to have surgery at some point, but haven’t managed to yet. Still, surgery is not mandatory to stop having periods (although, of course, removing the person’s womb will do the trick). From what I’ve searched, you can stop periods with hormonal treatment. It takes a bit of a while for the periods to stop, since changes happen slowly, but eventually the bleeding stops. So yeah, not sure if you’re going to work with dysphoric men here or not, but you can headcanon that they take hormones and don’t have periods, or that they don’t take hormones and still have periods but that makes them dysphoric... Or, like my Piers, they don’t take hormones and have periods, but that doesn’t make them dysphoric. They can be pre-op, but haven’t got money for it yet, or are not ready yet, or whatever other reason for not doing it now, or they can be non-op, like my Piers, that is, trans men who don’t intend to ever have the surgery, even thought they identify as male. Basically, yeah, some men have periods and not all of them plan on making periods stop for good at some point, but that doesn’t mean they are less of a man. Well, that’s all I know from what I’ve researched on trans men and periods, I really wish there was more info about this subject, but I guess there’s still kind of a taboo around it, even for cis women, in fact. Anyway, if you want to know more about trans men dealing with periods, you should try looking for trans-themed blogs, some of them will surely answer asks on the matter. ^^

Also, any trans person that follows me and wants to contribute to this discussion, please do tell your experiences and all you know about it! (if you feel comfortable too, naturally!) I know that no one can talk about this better than trans men themselves, and I definitely would love to hear from you guys what it’s like dealing with that kind of thing. :) Not only it will help me with my headcanons for Piers, but also will happen many other artists and writers that want to work with trans characters, and may also help younger trans men who haven’t dealt with this yet. ^^ Feel free to submit, reblog and comment here, and please do correct me if I said anything wrong. :) 

[queerpuff]

Discussing the TLOU2 leaks.

Obviously do not read this if you want to remain spoiler free for TLOU2. 

I have looked into these leaks and what they mean, and have a few thoughts to crystallise so I have done below. This is mainly a way for me to express my feelings and get them off my chest, I’m not looking for any responses, I just needed to rant. If you have something to say though, feel free to DM me & I’d be happy to chat. :) 

So, in all honesty, the whole news about the leak - the reasons why it was leaked, the fanbase reaction, as well as other speculative elements to it - have upset me. 

Ellie is important representation. The Last of Us is one of my all time favourite games, for a variety of reasons. However, one aspect of the game which will always have a place in my heart is Ellie. I’m sure so many of you feel the same way, but as a lesbian, seeing myself represented in a video game in such a casual, yet beautiful way means a lot to me. Especially seeming as the video game industry as a whole is still massively tailored to the male audience - seeing Ellie written as a lesbian in a non sexualised and normalised way is quite groundbreaking for the LGBT community (feel free to correct me if you think I’m wrong of course, but this is my opinion.). I have always had a deep respect for Naughty Dog for including such representation in their games - as well as portraying characters which aren’t hyper sexualised/unrealistic. 

However, the leaks have really hit close to home due to many factors. The storyline leak/spoilers to me weren’t that bad - I couldn’t escape them as most of the angry fanboys have taken to all forms of social media to spoil everyone who’s still looking forward to the game. The storyline to me isn’t awful, from what I’ve seen it could be an opportunity to tell a fantastic story about revenge and hate. However, there’s been some speculation about [SPOILER] Ellie’s fate in the game, as well as the main story antagonist Abby potentially being a trans character.

Bury Your Gays Trope As we all know, the bury your gays trope is something which has plagued the LGBT community for years. It’s exhausting to see yourself finally be represented in a form of media, only to have our characters killed off in haste or poor writing. I sincerely, sincerely hope that this isn’t the case with TLOU2. Joel & Ellie are the most beloved characters in the ND franchise, and killing them without justification is hard enough. The spoilers haven’t officially leaked Ellie’s or Dina’s fate in the game, only that they get hurt pretty badly. It could go either way honestly. But in deciding their fate, ND are potentially adding to a trope which has hurt and upset the LGBT community for years, as well as leaving the fans completely hurt and unresolved after losing one of their favourite characters. Using the ‘it’s an apocalypse, anything could happen’ excuse would boil my blood. It would be an incredibly stupid move on their part, and I’m curious to see whether they were hasty enough to make it. I have faith that they won’t.

Abby + trans representation On another note, there has also been a lot of speculation on Abby’s character being trans. Although I have not seen proof of this myself (to me she just looks v muscly - something I am very much here for!), I also sincerely hope this is a path ND have chosen not to take. Although trans representation in the media is scarce enough as it is, especially within the video gaming industry, deciding to introduce their first trans character as the main antagonist who [SPOILER] kills one of the main characters and potentially kills the other too - is fucking DISGUSTING. It is actively inviting the players to dislike her and hate her, something the gaming community has proven to do fantastically already, but by the same token, they’re enabling so many gamers to use this as an excuse to be heavily transphobic. Which disgusts me to my core. Which brings me to my next point...

The toxicity of the gaming community The gaming community is quite frankly one of the most uneducated, narrow minded and frankly disgraceful communities that exist around popular media today. It has been largely dominated by straight white men up until more recently, something which has caused a shift in the representation we see in the games. Something that will continue to anger me, is that these men still fail to see value in anything which doesn’t feature their ‘kind’ as the main characters. The minute the representation strays away from this at all, agendas are being pushed, and ‘SJW’s are taking over’. It’s completely mind numbing to see men freak out over a fictional character being anything but a white cishet. What’s unfortunate though, is that this childish attitude is often coupled with these men refusing to invest any of their time or money into these franchises. Which in turn, will be detrimental to the companies who chose to feature this representation. Naughty Dog is going to suffer a lot from these leaks. I have seen a vast array of hateful comments from people saying they’re outright refusing to buy the game, etc, which I know will affect the company in the future. It is unfortunate that a company who actively tries to give us more representation is going to be punished for attempting to break the norm a bit. This statement only stands if they decide to keep Ellie alive, and if Abby is not a transgender character - if not I will also refuse to invest my money in any of their future projects.

Naughty Dog & their ‘disgruntled employees’ A last point to be made, is spoilers aside, the message behind these leaks seem to root from a sentiment of unrest within the Naughty Dog company. I understand to some extent the overwhelming pressure of releasing a sequel to TLOU due to it’s massive success, but this in no way justifies the ‘crunch culture’ of overworking and underpaying your employees. It’s barbaric. It’s deeply saddening to see a company such as ND neglect their workers in such a manner, and I sincerely hope that these leaks will hopefully cause some sort of upheaval in the way things are run there. There seems to be many issues to address - being silenced out of fear of opposing any of the main ideas, the whole concept of bonus pay 6 months after the game’s release etc, it all needs to change. I want to continue to support ND, but I will not if they don’t change things around. 

This franchise has mattered to me since it was released, and ND has been a company I’ve respected and praised since 2009. So naturally my opinions on it are very strong. Nonetheless, I am still looking forward to TLOU2, and I will purchase it as normal - not buying it at all will affect the neglected workers far more. It’s sad to see such negativity spread from something everyone used to be so excited about. It’s also heartbreaking to see so much transphobia and homophobia stem from this too. It’s only cementing the idea that video game companies need to push through with this rep despite all of the braindead fanboys opposing to it. It’s important to a lot of people. 

[mechecolomar-archive]

genuinely curious: do you think that the depictions of homophobic abuse and violence towards lgbt characters in tlou2 outweighs the portrayal of their other experiences and happy moments of love/self expression? is it bad representation if the lgbt characters go through strife and pain as well as being happy and allowed to express themselves? i feel like there are valid criticisms to be made, but views on lgbt rep tend to be pretty polarized, either "it's great" or "it's bad" with no nuance

I think a big issue I have with the characters and representation specifically in The Last of Us 2 is that in the game the characters feel like they were created solely to serve a point in the plot, the game’s tone is progressively bleak (and the violence is gratuitous), and the inclusion of bigotry also felt unnecessary.

As a disclaimer, I’m not saying tlou2, Naughtydog, or even Neil Druckmann is simply homophobic because the gay character gets in fights and all that, but for me personally I felt that the treatment of lgbt characters in the game made me uncomfortable and wasn't satisfying. I’m glad they weren't outright stereotypes, but I’d like it if there was a bit kinder treatment of these characters. It just really feels like nd heard they didn’t do diversity well in the first game and just threw in a bunch of poc and lgbt characters without really thinking... I don’t think what happens is homophobic, but it feels very thoughtless.

The characters in tlou2 are not well done, I’m not sure what happened between The Last of Us and tlou2, but they do not feel the same at all. Every character in the game feels very weak and the player themselves cant name 10 facts about each one, even characters like Abby or Dina (I’m excluding Ellie and Joel because they already existed). This applies the most to Jessie imo, but I’ll only discuss Ellie, Dina, and Lev since they are the lgbt characters in the game. in tlou2 Ellie is just the vengeful character and as Neil put it, “the villain.” tlou2 could have been a wonderful opportunity to add more to her story, but here she’s basically just the traumatized girl who likes girls and is playing the guitar to remember Joel. Dina is basically the player’s partner who is randomly benched halfway through and from a narrative point she is something that Ellie can lose, you learn she has some ability with tinkering, she is Jewish, bi, has a sister... and not much else. Finally Lev feels like the main justification to sympathize with Abby, without Abby he is introduced literally being hunted because he is trans. Every character in the game is like this, but with these three very prominent characters, it’s disappointing.

Next, for tlou2 the violence seems to be double what happened in tlou, being much more detailed and forcing you to look at what is happening (Ellie getting her face smashed in and Abby threatening to kill Dina and its good because she is pregnant). Tlou was able to thread the needle concerning this successfully; having Ellie being kidnapped, hunted, and almost being sexually assaulted to immediately having the famous scene where Joel and Ellie pet giraffes. Tlou also (to my knowledge) did not have those shock value moments 2 constantly has, and when there is violence its rarely explicitly shown. Now in tlou2 this is almost the opposite, instead of going back and forth between intense and calm scenes, the sequel seems to steadily go downhill in tone. I know that these specific characters arent being hurt BECAUSE they’re lgbt, but its still not good to see.

The happiest moments are the beginning with Dina and Ellie, but while they're having fun and making out together what’s happening? Joel is currently getting his face caved in by Abby. Halfway through the game after Ellie and Dina are beaten, it seems to go back up in tone, but ooc tommy forces Ellie to turn back to revenge and the whole thing comes crashing back down. “I’m afraid of ending up alone” Ellie chooses to leave Dina and Ellie’s life is now hell going all the way back to Abby. After all this Ellie comes back to their house but her family is no longer there. Ellie is alone. I have a huge issue with the ending and it’s that you are explicitly shown that everything there is sad. Nd doesn't make “letting go” of Joel a relief, and they don’t show any implication of Ellie reuniting with Dina. Our lesbian protagonist is now living her worst fear, even though she did the “right” thing and spared Abby. Lev’s ending is clearly better because he’s affiliated with Abby, but it doesn’t change that throughout the story he’s repeatedly hurt and has a similar fall to Ellie after Abby thinks she finds the fireflies, he is never explicitly shown recovering from being made a literal slave and almost crucified.

My last issue is that the bigotry is entirely uncalled for, especially in a world that is as already violent as they’ve made tlou2. One of the most striking moments to me in tlou2 is Dina saying, “What’s this” referring to lgbt flags, indicating she has no concept of pride for being bisexual. Ellie also has no clue and they joke about the erotica and thats the end of that. Later Ellie is called a slur. The man who does it isnt exactly punished and Ellie is forced to make up with him later. That scene and the scene at the end somehow included Ellie, but clearly were about Joel. The last flashback is used as a tragic “Ellie could have forgiven Joel but he was killed :(” scene, there’s very little focus about her sexuality positively. Ellie and Dina are also never openly gay, the one time they are (in a room full of maybe 50 people) Ellie is called a d*ke. Ellie’s previous gf is scrapped except for subtle concept art and notes and she only has one conversation in the beginning mentioning a her.

Then on the opposite side of characters, Lev’s entire story outside of and before Abby is being hunted simply because he is trans. He’s deadnamed multiple times and even Abby cluelessly says it (??). There’s endless reasons why he could have been hunted (hell, just simply wanting to leave the cult because theyre so violent), but nd went with this... for some reason. Him being trans is also never discussed in a positive way other than Abby’s weird attempt to make him feel better by giving him a toy (”Hey, I know your group you grew up with and family literally wants you dead, but uh, would a toy help?”). Lev THEN goes BACK to the people who wants him dead, and we’re shown that his mother has viciously attacked him and he accidentally kills her due to this. Him being trans is never mentioned again... I don’t think we have to exactly hide homophobia in fiction, but I personally do not play a game to get called a slur, I can find that irl. Also if these things were to be included, they could have at least shown comfort after, but they don’t. The scenes are simply more shocking violence and are never mentioned again, simply skipped over. Nd used these characters being lgbt as an excuse for them to be discriminated against for it instead of anything positive.

Their advertising of Ellie kissing a girl in 2018 and in 2020 having her be called a slur instantly after what was shown to us is just SO jarring... Nd and their stans like to say, “Well if you don’t like The Last of Us 2, you’re just homophobic.” but that’s honestly so ridiculous. There simply can’t be more instances of oppression than acceptance and think you're doing something good?? Revealing Lev’s deadname gives people an opportunity to be transphobic, having Ellie be called a slur and lash out at Joel after gives people a reason to be angry at her there. You simply can’t include these things if it can do the opposite thing that you want. The point of including minorities in fiction should be so people can related and identify with these characters, not as some virtual reminder that people will hate you specifically for these reasons. It should not be too much to ask for a character you are like to be treated well and nd not listening to fans critique the game is sad,

I suppose I appreciate the attempt at inclusion, but it feels like a failed one that I preferred would not have happened, or at least had been strongly corrected. It would have been different if maybe Ellie had reunited with Dina apologizing, Abby telling Lev she supports him, Joel saying he loves Ellie, or even Dina and Ellie talking about being gay in some way thats anything other than making out and calling each other “babe”, but idk... that didn’t happen. Dina and Ellie are clearly supposed to be the main rep, but I feel like they really missed things they could have mentioned. This rep really reminds me of Life is Strange, but I can’t decide if dying or ending up alone and depressed at the end is worse. I’m probably missing more things but yeah... It would be cool if my lesbian protagonist did not have to be traumatized for an overdone, useless story.

[transrightsjimin]

I'm asking as a confused trans and gay person regarding some of your recent posts saying aphobia doesn't exist, etc. Do you consider asexual people to be inherently LGBT even if they are cisgender and straight (heteroromantic)? I don't want to discriminate at all, I'm just confused because I see people fighting on here all the time about whether aces are part of the LGBT community or not. Do you have some insight for me as an ace nonbinary person? Thanks in advance!

no it’s fine lol dw!

i’m not sure how to explain this w/o being too extensive in what i say bc i’ve talked about this before but more in private conversations (and maybe some rants in tumblr posts) nd i tend to ramble abt it.

first of all i do not actually like the common conception that there is one way to define LGBT or the idea that everyone should fall within that category term or not, for example because the English language is colonial and rigid and does not reflect on experiences of all cultures, bc being gay or trans are not distinctly different experiences everywhere while they would be divided into different categories. so whereas i was more insistent on saying ‘you must be gay / bi / lesbian / trans to be LGBT / suffer from homophobia or transphobia’ i’ve come to realize now that this argument is rather exclusive of many gender diverse identities that do not correspond to all experiences or cultures. so i will stay away from using that argument.

however, i am speaking from my experience with online LGBT and asexual communities and have seen how the latter has tried to force itself into the other. i think a large issue with the asexual and aromantic communities is that they are partially based upon the creation of AVEN, an online forum founded by a homophobic and antisemitic man, and partially (though related to the former) by just blatantly made up statistics and history. not once have i seen a good argument or research or even personal accounts that illustrate very well why aphobia is a thing. i am asexual myself but do not want to take the lack of discrimination i faced for it as proof. there have been accounts of ‘aphobic’ discrimination that are either 1. much more a general concern with the OP facing misogyny and girls being sexualized, 2. someone making a remark based on a misconception of OP’s experiences or 3. misappropriation of terms and applying them to asexuality, e.g. ‘corrective rape’ was coined to refer to (African) lesbians who were assaulted under the presumption that it would turn them straight. asexuals have appropriated this term years ago to claim asexual people face rape on a large scale because perpetrators try to force them into liking sex. some people don’t even know the original meaning of the term because of this. i’m also not a big fan of this new interpretation of the term anyway, because legit sexual attraction is not the main reasons people commit rape; it is to seek power. this kind of mindset of asexual people being inherently vulnerable to sexual violence due to lack of feeling sexual attraction is seriously harmful; in the crime show Law and Order SVU, a suspect was let off because some main character said the suspect was asexual and this couldn’t have done it. people can be and sometimes are raped by an asexual person, because it is about taking advantage of someone and not attraction. the sole fact that so many authors of overly fetishistic fanfiction are asexual should prove this much, but instead the lack of attraction is used to distance oneself from the harm one can still cause.

and yes, asexual people can face discrimination, especially if you’re a girl you’re expected to be sexually submissive, which is pretty horrifying on its own. but this is not the same as targeted discrimination on a mass scale or institutional whatsoever. we are not thaught as we grow old that asexuals are disgusting, are a joke, or need to be violently murdered. my biggest issue with the asexual and aromantic community that we (as i have removed myself from it years ago) keep telling it that anecdontal accounts of being mildly discriminated is nowhere near the same as risking being kicked out of your house, being violently attacked due to the way you appear or having a partner of the same gender, being systematically discriminated by all sorts of institutions in society and being thaught that what you are is bad from an early age on. and then the counterargument is that LGBT is more recognized but asexual and aromantic isn’t, so ‘ace / aro’ people deserve to be included because they are underrepresented in media. but that is not the case at all. the speed at which asexuality has suddenly been incorporated and included into LGBT spaces, also offline, has been ridiculously fast. nowadays when you see a bunch of LGBT flags you see the asexual one being included a lot, sometimes in 3 different versions, while the lesbian flag is nowhere to be seen. lesbians are consistently excluded from their supposedly own community and they are not included in LGBT due to a need to change underrepresentation or lack of awareness, but because they face their own version of homophobia. the most mind-boggling thing about cis / cishet asexual and aromantic people being told that they are not oppressed, is that the response is not relief (’oh i’m glad i don’t face systematic oppression for this thing’) but anger (’how dare you not let us into your group!’). LGBT is seen as a fun party that is unnecessarily mean to anyone it gatekeeps, as if it is not actually necessary to keep out cishet people who benefit from their privilege and can use that against the rest in the group if they join.

my largest issue with the asexual community however, and i’ve touched upon this a bit before in the post, is that it victimizes itself, to such a degree where it puts itself oppositional to ‘allosexuals’. the whole idea that people who experience sexual attraction to another person are inherently privileged over abd hold power over asexual people is just not true (and the same goes for this rethoric for aromantic people). this idea is so wrong and the whole concept of the ‘allosexual’ as oppressor collapses once you consider that people who are attracted to the same gender are actually in danger and oppressed for their very attraction. not only are those who experience attraction (that isnt platonic) to other people portrayed as oppressors, but also as perverted freaks. once i decided to stop associating myself with acearo people and instead interact with LGBT people with other experiences, i realized just how much stigmatizing abd frankly, homophobic and transphobic bullshit i’ve adopted within the spaces i used to be in and that i still see gather a lot of traction (now their harmful points are also used on twitter and IRL in the public domain). the community has a huge issue where it teaches you to be puzzled and grossed out by people who want to date / kiss / have sex with other people, and this results in GSAs that now include asexuals to prohibit kissing your partner per request of asexual / aromantic members, asexual people showing up at pride with ‘can we just hug?’ signs, the common serophobic jokes (’at least we dont get hiv!!’ blergh), and for me it led to a great discomfort with kissing and sex imagery and it wasn’t until i left the community that this was in fact subtle homophobia because so much content on here is lgbt themed and to combine that with the increasing aversion to romance or sex without critically looking at that is... very toxic to say the least.

so where it’s standing right now, i don’t think including asexual or aromatic people in LGBT spaces on the basis of those identities is a good idea. one community advocates for the acceptance of sex, whereas the other is stigmatizing it and painting off those who are in fact oppressed for their transness or homosexuality, as the oppressors. it clashes and it doesn’t work. the ‘ace / aro’ community (quote unquote bc i see ‘ace’ being used a lot to imply superiority over ‘allosexuals’ like, theyre being the ace at something) has too many issues, which it is largely based on, to figure out. it can be a community on its own and i do not think you need to join LGBT to have a valid identity that has something to do with sexuality or gender and deals with a form of stigma.

it woukd be a rant, i warned you lol

[waters-and-the-wilde]

vivez (you have 1 life let it Be Gay)

woo okay Fools and Angels stalled out a bit because all the later stuff wants to happen but the in between stuff still won't get its shit together and the later stuff is relying on that for at least some semblance of coherence (also i went on a road trip and went to a wedding and ran away to a farm on the west coast so it was a busy month)

so i'm going to hash around my dumb gay fic headcanons to get back in the swing of things pls enjoy

first of all, i recognize that canon Percy and Marguerite are textbook dumb heteros who just need to talk to each other and fuck knows why i like them so much, but i also used to think queer people were just better at that sort of thing (bc you know I thought that the self-knowledge and courage and ability to see through dumb cisheteronormative expectations that came with the territory would give one an edge) and honestly it's been a bit of a trip to constantly discover the extent to which we're all complete disasters

anyway all this to say, Percy and Marguerite are a matched set of distinguished-disaster bisexuals and peak mlm/wlw solidarity. they both went to boarding school and Mrgt was in theatre so like. they Know what they're about.

(side note back in the day i wanted Scarlet Pimpernel but Lesbians nd it was gonna be Pimpernels and Violets w/ Gwendolyn Christie for Percy and Gugu Mbatha-Raw for Mrgt.)

but honestly while we're here with my old headcanons I rly want POC Mrgt and Armand especially knowing what I know now about Alex Dumas and how many multi-racial folks from Haiti were knocking around Parisian society being wealthy and fabulous

(whole other set of reasons to stand back and sip champagne while letting Crowley loose on Thomas Jefferson)

this adds some whole other considerations that I would need to research mostly because of England being weird and whether Percy and Mrgt could have gotten married in the first place. but like if you were black, France basically was the only promise for freedom. you didn't have other places to go. how much more weight does that lend to Mrgt's decision to condemn de St. Cyr? being willing to make that call because the idea of royalist invasion and having that first lick of freedom snatched away is intolerable? having to struggle with watching those real possibilities get corrupted and torn away but really truly knowing what it was worth to begin with and never quite knowing when to break away from it?

and Armand, who's all in for the same reason, Armand who's smart and passionate and idealistic who gets to help shape the new government only to realize it's becoming a monster and swallowing him up while he's stuck on the inside

whoops i made myself sad

anyway i can have trans guy Sir Percy, as a treat. he's gottn away with it bc he was like four years old and wanted to be a knight and his father needed an heir and he said 'well why can't I be a boy? I want to be a boy I want to be Sir Percival' and his mother was sick and old Algernon Blakeney thought bout it and he went and fudged some things and bribed some nurses and raised bby Percy with private tutors, and Percy managed to make it through boarding school by virtue of being six foot odd of gorgeousness and good at getting people to see what he wants them to see so i guess that makes him bisexual in both the archaic and the modern sense

due to Percy's charisma stats he became the center of the Eton queer penguin huddle, starting with Andrew Foulkes when he realized he wasn't terribly interested in women except that he just thinks they're neat (thought maybe he was gay before realizing men weren't really his thing either, aromantic, now platonically devoted to Percy and the league and Marguerite)

Tony Dewhurst had an entire blazing crush on Percy that eventually settled into a platonic devotion, (okay but have you seen 80s Tony Dewhurst and the way he looks at Percy? it’s like he was taking lessons in Gay Babey from Aziraphale) now in a close relationship with his 'valet' (actually a bf from France who they rescued nd is now in England disguised as Dewhurst's valet so they can be close w/o raising eyebrows)

half the league is their Eton queer penguin huddle tbh, hence the sense of discretion and willingness to risk danger bc life already be like that

fuck it they're all queer except Armand, i'm not sorry and i do make the rules

poor Chauvelin, repressed disaster bisexual, loses half his braincells in Sir Percy's presence because the man's so goddamn infuriatingly attractive and he doesn't know how to process it except as pure loathing and contempt for his enemy and rival, and while we're on the subject, Crowley's slinkiness and conflicting gender cues and background noise aura of temptation also make him feel an awful lot of things he doesn't want to look at too closely, and while we're on the subject, so does Mrgt in a soldier's uniform

(it doesn't help that like queerness was, if acknowledged, thought of as a vice of the aristos in France whereas England's molly community skewed more middle class, and Chauvelin was a marquis' son who's trying desperately to fit in and prove his loyalty to the Republic and Max Robespierre's purity culture so that's a whole extra layer, boy he and Aziraphale need to have a talk)

baby lesbian Suzanne de Tournay had an entire blazing crush on Mrgt but she was a few years older so it was more of a senpai notice me thing. genderfluid awakening from that time she got to go around in disguise as a soldier. marriage of convenience with Sir Andrew? that way Maman approves and isn't constantly overseeing her and they can both hang out with Mrgt on the regular who can introduce her to all the London debutantes. ya girl is french she doesn't give a heck she's gonna be mistress to half the unhappily-married women in London whose husbands have bad teeth

Armand is... straight. it happens. however instead of being the token dumb hetero, Armand is not only a good bro and ally but he's actually pretty emotionally astute, he's just not a schemes-and-layers thinker like literally all the others, and he's reasonably in touch wth his feelings and acts on them which just gets him in a lot of trouble with 'rational' society and furthermore he's the one who reminds people to actually talk instead of playing mind games and that friends is why Armand has the brain cell

the song Killer Queen is heavily based on Marguerite and Mme de Serpens bc of Freddie Mrc hearing Crowley ramble about his time in France thank u for coming to my ted talk

[lupsviolin]

Break down tres horny boys & the reaper Trio!!!

ooh very cool okay! i’m gonna do them in separate posts so it doesn’t get long as hell but here’s THB

Taako!!

How I feel about this character: you should all know by now that I’m a HUGE taako fan. i think he’s funny and compelling and a really well-written character! also, he is a gay dumb wizard, so i was basically fated from the start to love him

All the people I ship romantically with this character: kravitz, and to a lesser degree magnus. and magic brian. shh. just for a laff

My non-romantic OTP for this character: him and lup & him and magnus, obviously, but also he and barry are super cute together in the beach episode and i feel like their prep-nerd dynamic is epic

My unpopular opinion about this character: this is gonna get super long but the fandom is way too harsh on people who headcanon him as trans. i see people being like “it’s very suspicious that the most feminine male character is the one that everyone headcanons as a trans man” but honestly more than that i just see gay & ND trans fans wanting to see a trans person like them in the media. the other two main characters, magnus and merle, just don’t fill the same roles- magnus because his character really isn’t developed much until later in the show (this isn’t me bashing trans mags headcanons just for the record!!), and merle because honestly he’s a comic relief character, he’s the lecherous old grandpa. for every person who writes / draws trans taako in a fetishistic way, there are ten young trans people who just see themselves in him

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: wish we would have gotten to see him and Lucretia’s relationship in the IPRE days and then again post s&s, i feel like the potential there is big

Magnus!!

How I feel about this character: again, love the boy! his character development is really great, and if i had to choose one TAZ character to be friends with in real life, it would be him. or, honestly, lup, probably, but otherwise him. 10/10 good ruff boi

All the people I ship romantically with the character: pretty much just Julia, although i do like taagnus sometimes

My non-romantic OTP for this character: lucretia! the scenes where they played with fisher together were just too adorable, and then the hug at the end made my heart shatter

My unpopular opinion about this character: NO dogs on the moon. period

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: dog on the moon

Merle!!

How I feel about this character: out of all the main characters, he’s probably the one that i feel the least affection for as an actual character. sorry, grandpaw. as for his role in the podcast, i think he’s great and i love clinton and his delivery of lines like “the late Merle Highchurch rolled a five”.

All the people I ship romantically with the character: IPRE-era davenport, kind of, although i think their relationship would have been more of a “look at those dumb kids” kind of semi-platonic semi-romantic thing

My non-romantic OTP for this character: davenport again, probably, and avi, and john hunger kind of?

My unpopular opinion about this character: i don’t get how anyone ships him with the guy who painfully killed him 67 times

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: would have liked to see how defeating the hunger effected him emotionally. did he still think of john as a friend in any way?

[thedragonswillreturn]

For national coming out day, I thought I would share my own experience with coming out as trans! This is a piece of writing I did for summer camp that I haven’t looked at since, and was in part written because, despite wearing a pronoun pin, some people still misgendered me, so this was kinda a middle finger to them. Hope y’all like it!

(Also I’m really sorry this post is so long that there should be a cut but I’m on mobile and don’t know how to do it from here)

******

I had an….interesting time coming out as trans. I mean, I’m already a socially awkward hot mess who has trouble stringing together one sentence, so me trying to say anything personal was always bound to be a disaster.

I told my sister in the car in a note page that took five minutes to scroll through and made her carsick and almost throw up (sorry) but she was cool with it and has been since.

I told my friend at two in the morning when she was sleeping over, because two in the morning is that magical time where you can talk about anything and not be judged for it, especially since we had just finished watching a horror movie and critiquing how the killer murdered people, and then had a thirty minute argument over whether or not the main lead was attractive (he wasn’t- his head was shaped like a hexagon), so we were far past the point of judgement. But she was cool with it.

I came out to a different friend over text, which ended up being five minutes of talking about that, and half an hour of talking about how scary it would be to come out to GSA, featuring phrases such as-

“I’m gonna yeet myself out the window and die afterward.”

“The health classroom is on the first floor.”

“...goddamn.”

And-

“Afterwards I’m just gonna crawl down to hell and party with Satan and his Gucci gang.”

“Sweet.”

These were all compete with gifs, because lord knows me and this person are way past the point of ever having a normal conversation, ever. But she was cool with it.

I was nervous about coming out to GSA, because for some reason even though there were eight trans kids already out, I got it in my head that, for some ridiculous reason, they would all hate me. Bold words from someone who had said maybe three words the entire year and who hasn’t stopped apologiizing since 2012. So I decided to come out to someone I knew was in GSA, and get their reaction, which I could use to judge what everyone else reaction would be. Because apparently, GSA has a hivemind. But still, okay idea, right? Except the conversation went like this-

“...and I thought it would be dumb to get my dead name on a pride hat-”

“What?”

“What?”

“What?”

“What?”

“Hi.”

“Hi?”

“Hi?”

And that was it.

….I have nothing to say for myself.

That poor person was probably very confused as to what in gods name I was talking about., and what I wanted them to do with that information. But it would be okay, because I would be out to GSA next week, and everything would be cleared up, right?

Ha...ha.

They canceled the next five weeks of meetings.

Oops.

This of course also meant that every Wednesday seventh period I would have a full blown panic attack worrying about what would happen, because again, despite the eight kids already out I was convinced they would despise me, and totally work myself into a panic only yo find out the meeting had been cancles,a nd then miss the bus, because I was waiting for the cancled meeting to start, so I could finally come out to these idiots.

Five weeks of this nonsense.

But then I came out, and shockingly no one was upset, and the president said that they had a feeling for a while, because I quote ‘“was boy,” which was a very nice thing for them to say, and which I didn’t deserve.

Then it was time to come out to everyone else, where I got reactions such as-

“Oh that makes sense.”

“So that’s why your name’s like that on Snapchat!”

“Oh. Cool.”

And my personal favorite exchange between me and my gay friend-

“When the fuck did you start wanting a dick?”

“I dunno man! When did you start wanting dick?”

“Since the moment I was born.”

“God.”

“Look, I’ll call you by your name if you follow me on Snapchat.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“I’m blackmailing you!”

“This is bribery at best.”

“Whatever. Wanna play Fallout, Zack?”

“Sure.”

Despite that reaction, he never actually intentionally messed up my name, or my pronouns. He’s a weird guy, but he’s secretly a socially awkward nerd who likes cat memes, so I forgive him.

But all in all, people were cool, I was a disaster, I’m still a disater, but it went alright I feel.

And thus ends the- extremely painful- experience of an awkward potato coming out to the world.

[fantroll-purgatory]

Hey, as someone who’s still going through the slow process of conceptualizing a bunch of Pride trolls, I can vibe with this guy! I’m going to put a big ol’ trigger warning up top here since I openly discuss issues of homophobia and transphobia in the review below. Please stay safe!

(tw: mentions of homophobia and transphobia)

Universe:Beforus

Hmmmm. If he’s Beforan, I might even say that his outfit is too conservative! While a sample size of 12 isn’t that big, what we’ve seen of Beforus is that trolls will take the aesthetic of a subculture and hit it HARD.

Name:Gaeiiy Ryggtz

Hah. Okay so this is obviously a fun name. If you wanna go a little bit more subtle, I would suggest Getran (gay/trans) Ynemak (backward surname of Frank Kameny, who was one of the first folks to file a claim against orientational discrimination in a U.S. court)

Age: 6.5 Sweeps

Theme: Colors and everything related to it,like rainbows or prisms

Got it! As I said before, Beforan trolls tend to have a specific subculture around which they’re based rather than a more nebulous theme, and based on the original name you gave him it’s pretty clear what that would be. That said, since the rainbow is for the entire LGBT community, I would consider possibly making your troll trans/nonbinary!

Goal and story: He is a mutant who likes being a mutant and would fight against the hemospectrum hierarchy and make every caste to be equal in power,for this, he must spread the love to make Beforus a beautiful place.

Quick note: the goal is for what you want us to do in our review! Since you haven’t specified, I am assuming that this is a general review of everything you’ve submitted.

Before I dig into the meat of the rest of your bio, I want to address this part, because based on what we’ve seen of Beforus, it does not broadcast its oppression as clearly as Alternia does. Where Alternia is an out-and-out fascist dictatorship, Beforus’s Condesce (if she is indeed called that) is an adult Feferi Peixes, whose views on the hemospectrum have more to do with coddling those who sit below you on the hemospectrum. How might your troll fight against that system?

If we want an example of how such a society might look in regards to gay and trans rights, let’s look at common criticisms of liberal politics with regards to the LGBT community, which includes support for trans people if(f) they “pass” completely as the “opposite” gender to their assigned one (a standard which is much stricter than for cis people), and support for same-gender attraction so long as it’s tucked away and isolated from straight society (a standard which can be further evidenced in biphobia towards multi-gender attracted people for “muddying” what should be clear-cut waters). All of this tied up with a biiiiig heaping of disdain for gender non-conforming people.

So how might we translate these norms to Beforus? Perhaps trans people are, once again, only accepted if they “pass” completely as the “opposite” gender to their assigned one, such that nonbinary people and trans people with a more complex understanding of their presentation are pushes either to stop identifying as trans/nb or to allow a better-versed highblood to “help” them fit into such gender norms.

Sexuality tends to be trickier since it’s stated (though not implied 🙄) that trolls are largely bisexual and preference for only one gender (though lbr it’s mostly for one’s own gender) is considered odd. I will get to that a little bit later in this review!

Strife Specibus: Flag Specibus,he uses a flag to fight.

Love it. 🏳️‍🌈

Fetch modus: Help, I have no ideas.

If he’s rainbow themed, how about a Colorblock Modus that captchalogues based on predominant color? Only problem is that whenever he wants to retrieve something the modus ejects *everything* of that color. I can also see it being weaponized in a fun way!

Blood Color: Rainbow =D

I still don’t really know how to *do* rainbow, since I feel like it would show up as sludge in his veins? What would it mean in terms of psychic abilities or resistances or strength or even his place in society? We assume that he wouldn’t be killed for being a mutant, but being a rainbowblood stretches the bounds of Beforan rules that if find difficult to incorporate into this review.

Based on the sign you gave him below, it looks like you wanted him to be a mutant limeblood, basically. Which works, but I also feel that that is a common choice when people want to justify their mutantbloods to us, if only because Karkat and Kankri are our obvious examples.

So here’s where I wanted to get back to the same-gender attraction thing, because I think it plays well into how to make this choice.

You say you want a mutant, you say you want someone who works toward justice, and you say you want a gay man.

We can do all of that if you’d allow me to make him a jade/teal cuspblood.

Teals are very strongly about justice, and it fits well for his theme as someone who is working to make Beforus a more inclusive place across the spectrum.

Jades are also a good pick since they’re associated with rainbowdrinkers, which gets you a stone’s throw from this blood color. THey are also heavily heavily coded as gay-equivalent, especially when we consider the Friendsim info that jadebloods are forbidden from pailing by tradition on Alternia, which is pretty obviously a direct parallel to gay marriage. Given that we’re on Beforus, it’s likely that such pailing is accepted, but even in today’s society we can see that the right to marry is often brandished as a sign that we’ve “won” and no longer need to fight for our rights.

As a cuspblood, where does that leave your troll? Where does he fit within the codified hierarchy of Beforus?

Symbol and meaning: Canpio, sign of the effervescent.

…This is a first, but I’m not sure I agree with any of the three things you combined to get your sign! Firstly, I did change his blood color, so that’s on me. Secondly, as someone who’s trying to change the hemospectral hierarchy, he’d be a Dersite for sure. Finally, I don’t know that he’s a Light player? I think I see where you’re coming from since his theme was rainbows and prisms, but you haven’t built a character particularly hellbent on collecting information.

That said, I don’t particularly want him to be a Blood player, lest he become dangerously Karkaty. So how about we invert the difference and see how he fits as a Breath player? Someone who pursues his own individual freedom, but incidentally gives others the strength to move forward as a consequence?

If we go with that, he’d fall somewhere between Libun, Sign of the Escapist, and Virun, Sign of the Eager. Vlibrun, Sign of the Eagcapier no wait that doesn’t sound great.

Trolltag: chromaticJusticer

Tips the hand a little too readily, in my personal onion. May I suggest prismBreak [PB], like prison break, both in terms of destroying the hemospectrum and it terms of freedom from the unjust?

Quirk: wr1te2 1n ^ll 12 c^2te2 ^nd u2e2 pr12m2, ^l2o nub2 (=B.

That is a lot! But then again TEREZ1 PYROPE SUR3 4S H3LL EXISTS so who am I to judge. That said I’m finding the quirk a little bit hard to read, so if I may suggest it be A Lot in a different way:

WR1TE2 1N △LL C△P2 △ND U2E2 PR12M2 TO CONVEY HI2 MULT1CHROM△TIC 2PLENDOR

The introduction of caps and the change of the carat to a triangle makes it harder for the eye to skip over the quirk when it appears.

Special Abilities: I was thinking of him having the abilities of all castes while still looking like a canon mutant (Karkat or Kankri) but I don’t know if this would be a lot.

I think it would indeed be a lot, and you would have to figure out how such a being would change things in Beforus! Beforus is still based on a fairly rigid caste system, and they wouldn’t see a rainbowblood and think “oh shit let’s just let this dude be in charge of everything!” He would be coddled by his “superiors!” How do you think your supposedly peaceful troll would get out from under that thumb while maintaining his pacifist leanings?

Lusus: I don’t know what kind of Lusus would fit him,but it’s also rare for mutants to get chosen by one,so I can stick with him being Lususless.

Sure! I will say that if he’s a jadeblood cusp he could possibly just like. Grow up in the caverns with some lusii that haven’t picked grubs.

Interests: Gaeiiy likes to experiment with lights while he isn’t fighting highbloods,he collects prisms and has a big collection of LEDs,lasers, flashlights and other things that emit lights.

Personality: He is the center of the universe and others find him interesting and kind,he is full of joy and cheerfulness,he is also peaceful and it’s hard to make him cry or make him mad.

So why, then, is he fighting for anything? His soul is not at unrest. Perhaps this speaks to a personal failing, but I find it deeply difficult to fight for things that don’t upset me on some level. I also don’t quite understand the “center of the universe” thing – are other trolls content to let him do as he please? Again, why is he fighting if he faces no opposition?

If you wanted to swing this in one direction, it could be that he’s so unplugged from the real-world oppressions thrust upon other jadebloods (thanks in part to his tealblood status) that he is complacent. This would definitely make him likable! He’s like, a jade, but not one of those jade jades. He’s actually cool about it and stuff. And while such an attitude may cost him the friendship of fellow jadebloods, who needs ‘em? Look at all the friends he has! He’s colorblind, he doesn’t see blood, he doesn’t understand why people want to rock the boat. (Note: if you take this tack then you may need to change a whole lot more about the character because this is no longer someone who is interested in fighting the status quo! That version of your troll would be a Prospitan for sure.)

On the other hand, how can we take someone joyful and likable and give them reason to fight highbloods? Well, they could be someone who joyfully fights highbloods when they try to stomp them down! There are some revolutionaries who might like that very, very much! And while it’s true that he’d need to feel very strongly about the cause to fight someone, it doesn’t have to be the driving force behind his actions! He can fight highbloods because he loves having his own independence, away from coddling bluebloods who think they know what’s best for him! And this makes him likable because people are inspired by his gumption and his brazenness in flaunting the rules!

Lunar Sway: Prospit.

Like I said above, I have reasons to believe he’s Derse unless you think he’s okay with the current system.

Title: ??????? Of Light?,but I also get some heart vibes from him.

And as above, I think he’s actually a Breath player! If I had to guess, he might be a Knight of Breath, fi you want to write an arc for him where he initially *doesn’t* want to rock the boat to take his freedom, but eventually grows into it.

Land: Land of LEDs and Storms.

A land full of Christmas like decorations and full of clouds that are telling you to give up on your quest,but Gaeiiy knows that even being stroke by a ray won’t stop him from ascending.

This one doesn’t need to change the name even if your Aspect does, since Storms can absolutely be a Breath thing. I do wonder what his quest would be, though…maybe he needs to part the clouds just enough that Skaia can reflect a rainbow against the torrent? It doesn’t necessarily mean your troll needs to *do* the quest; it just needs to be there.

Let’s get to this young man’s redesign. As always, we’re going top to bottom!

The most important design note I went into this redesign with was “LGBT solidarity,” which meant trying to hit that very fun “plausible deniability” look where strangers can ascertain that you’re *some* type of LGBT but have no real way of telling exactly which of those letters apply?

Horns - I edited these from Equius’s robot horns because there are some headcanons that these represent the “ideal” troll horns. I added a hook at the end of the rear horn for that signature jadeblood flavor! Also I added a piercing to the right horn similar to how gay men in the 90s/00s had one in the right ear to signify their gayness. (Which was fun because I was googling “which ear is the gay ear” like I was in 7th grade again lol).

Baseball cap - This one is adapted from @emspritesblog, which is unfortunately kind of dead now. I liked the fact that you had a rainbow on his shirt and I wanted to pay tribute to it somehow, so I added it to the back of the baseball cap using the blood colors closest to those of the original Pride flag!

Hair - I used a template from @fantrollartroom and made it curlier, because the asymmetrical undercut is like *the* look as far as I know.

Eyes - I wanted to nod back to the fact that you wanted a Karkat-adjacent design, so I edited his eyes for your troll.

Mouth - …and the mouth. But I added some fangs for that jadebloodyness

Binder/tank and symbol - I took the jade and teal symbols I suggested and tried to smoosh ‘em together a little bit! 

Flannel - ahhhh the flannel of plausible deniability. I made is a jade/teal gradient to emphasize the cuspiness. It’s Vriska’s jacket but with all the colors swapped out.

Overall outfit - I use @fan-troll sprites quite liberally to make coherent outfits, and cannot recommend the sprite sheet enough! Since the clothing doesn’t *quite* fit a standard sprite it kind of forces you to learn some spriting as you go, which is a pretty good way to get incrementally better over time.

That concludes my review of young Gay Rights [sic]! I hope my suggestions were helpful, and thank you very much for sharing him!

-TR

[karmanticmoved]

1-85 uwu

j esus okay

1. describe yourself.

uh,, emotional ig, dumbass, quiet, exhausted all of the time, v queer, healthy mix of feminine and masculine, insecure, and not tha t great tbh. kinda a pussy ass b itch

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?

idrk. maybe somewhere like a hella nice beach in another country, maybe somewhere in europe. i like travelling but i hate the travel to get there and have no money so i havent put thought into it. maybe hawaii or somewhere like that.

3. do you have siblings?

the one thats still alive is my half brother

4. what is your favorite constellation, why?

orion maybe bc i don't know a lot but i can see that one from my bedroom window even in the city n idk. its comforting. or scorpius cause i'm a scorpio

5. favorite color.

yellow, pink, or blue.

6. what kind of music do you listen to?

almost anything. whatever catches my interest.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)

forgot what i said last time but those

yellow carnations i think?

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?

maybe smth to put myself to sleep immediately bc f uCk

9. favorite childhood memory.

my summer camp memories are pretty great. also memories of my dad and i going fishing are good.

10. have you ever been cheated on?

i mean in theory i couldve been bc online relationships but no. n im polyam and have identified as such for a majority of my relationships so no.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?

big but not too big, yknow? like big enough that it can be filled and have room to walk around and lay on the ground or whatever but not Empty. and a pretty big bed to stretch out on, n a closet in the room. multiple windows w blackout curtains so theres light but it can be blocked out. n fluffy rugs or carpeting but preferably rugs in case smth spills so we can get it out of at least Remove the rug. and probably a cat tree thing in corner for dipper. n a computer desk and actual lights that light up the whole room. but probably,, fairy lights too bc full lights too bright. and i kinda want a pink room but blue or yellow work also. a nd pride flags on the walls + posters and various other stuff bc plain walls are boring. and tons n tons of b ooks too.

12. favorite animal.

river otter

13. what was the last photo you took of?

cat

14. do you believe in soul mates?

i'm not sure. i do kinda think there are people who you will like. really really click with and who become so important in your life that they're like. apart of u yknow? but i don't think that anyone as an individual needs to keep those people in their life forever. they arent destined to stay with them, and they shouldnt force that relationship (platonic, familial, romantic, or whatever) even if they were close for years and years. screw destiny. youll have people you care about, and sometimes you have to break that bond to save yourself, and thats okay. there will be other people who can and will be just as important. that got kinda off topic skbsks. i don't think theres really like Destiny soulmates. but there could be like. soulmates in the sense of for however long we're together, we're soul bonded. even if its not forever. does that even make se nse skbsns

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?

over is the one thats socially acceptable right

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.

idk theres a place near a movie theater closeish to my house and its a nice little cafe and i dont eat there bc i dont eat much in general but i get their bubble tea and i love. raspberry bubble tea w rose popping bubbles. its comfort drink.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

no. sometimes shit happens for no reason, and its bullshit, but you can't reverse it, so you gotta figure out how to move on from it.

18. guilty pressures?

im assuming thats meant to be pleasures

umm,, idrk. i don't know what exactly i like that would count as a guilty pleasure so,,

19. favorite mythical creature, why?

merpeople are s o cool i fuckin. love funky aquatic pals hell yeah. maybe im just Water babey but. they're rad. dragons are also hella cool bc like dragons???? theyre scaly and prett y and can breathe fire or have wings and kill u?? also like selkies bc again. water. but i used to hear a lot of stories abt them and theyre so nea t

20. something most people don’t know about you.

i have the potential to be a huge asshole and also kinda Wish to fuckin murder someone sometimes but. i act nice most of the time anyway.

not murder murder but i can get angr y enough that i just wanna Stab smth

21. where did you grow up, what was it like?

grew up kinda near the edge of the city, still in it but not like the main city area. in western washington. it was kinda rly boring, i used to spend a lot more time outside or just by myself playing with leaves or toys or whatever. when i had friends i played make believe w them even when outside of school. so yeah. boring id say.

22. do you believe aliens exist?

sure.

23. what was your last google search?

other than names for some actors n stuff, i was looking up various star wars things

24. what did your last relationship teach you?

the one that like. ended? i guess thatd be. be careful with your own feelings and try to figure them out before jumping into anything, and also don't try to force smth that in reality isnt really working.

25. would you relocate for love?

honestly yeah

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?

both. it just depends on how badly i or someone i care about was hurt by it. more likely to hold a grudge if a friend was hurt by someone d eep enough to leave a lasting impact or if they don't get a genuine apology i will be 🔫🔫. or if the person keeps hurting them. even if that person is also my friend.

27. favorite book.

favorite graphic novel is bloom by kevin panetta

favorite books in general are autoboyography, more happy than not, and what if its us. all gay. i know. its okay. im a kinnie.

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?

introvert by far

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?

i tried once. i probably will have to once i go see a therapist, or at least one for my Bad Thoughts

30. top 5 favorite movies.

in no particular order

little shop of horrors, love simon, coco, it (2017 and 1990), and shazam! ig? maybe others but i definitely Forgot all the shit ive watched

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

no

32. what is your greatest fear?

definitely gotta be all of the people i love hating me and abandoning me or secretly hating me and then leaving me without saying anything. and the worst part is im always afraid its gonna happen babeyy

33. favorite alcoholic beverage.

im baby

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.

im embarrassed by my own existence. i don't remember the Most embarrassing thing

35. do you believe in ghosts?

not until i have proof that i can actually trust and believe in

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?

idk ig im nice. but im also. very easily set off on certain emotions especially the bad ones which sucks like especially jealousy bc i dont wanna!! feel jealous!! tho i think that ties into my greatest fear bc my brain immediately tells me im useless to everyone and they hate me. but. sometimes i get jealous and then feel bad for that and then hate myself for all of it. bc my friends deserve to hang out w other people and care about other people im just fucking stupid babey !!

37. should you split the dinner bill?

i rly don't get why you wouldnt tbh like if u both wanna be there u should both pay. but if one person gonna pay it should be the person that asked.

38. are you a good liar?

most of the time. when it comes to my mental health i can either lie great or im literally breaking down in front of the person so

39. what keeps you up at night?

depressing thoughts. anxiety about everything. wishing i could cuddle and fall asleep w jay. sometimes i just cant sleep bc im too restless.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music?

music. i need my phone to text my friends and i Need my friends

41. do you believe in god?

what god would let the world get to the point its at. what god would allow people to do such fucked up shit.

no. i don't.

42. how do you relax when frustrated?

cry, take a nap, take a shower, listen to music, cuddle dipper

43. what’s something that offends you?

when people go "oh yeah i support gay rights but im still gonna eat at chick fil a bc its good" like i get so fucking. pissed off by that. youre not gonna fucking s ta rv e without their goddamn chicken. i know a bi person who goes there and says its okay bc they dont Directly Give Their money to Specifically anti gay organisations but im just. ugh. fucking pissed bc there are other places to get food just avoid the one place for fucks sake. their food is good it doesnt matter. its like saying yeah pewdiepie is a bad person and nazi and a racist asshole but his videos r funni haha so im gonna watch him anyway

44. favorite food

i hate myself whenever i eat food

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?

@destinedformuchmore or @pinaplelee

46. when do you feel the most confident?

never? but ig i feel confident when working on tech construction during theater tech. as long as i know what im doing.

47. what do you do in your free time?

sleep. draw. cry. play video games. talk to my friends.

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect

matpat did for being a dick abt neopronouns and making a transphobic joke and only apologizing when a cis person told him to. not when hundreds of trans people did. and also other jokes that are inherently offensive to various groups. a n d for making extremely not Child friendly jokes in his videos which are very much targeted towards kids. say what you will about the target audience, there are a lot of children who watch them. please stop making creepy nsfw jokes if you won't even swear, sir.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i guess so yeah. but she also broke mine first.

50. did/do you play sports in school?

i did. i don't anymore bc highschool sports are bullshit but. basketball, ultimate, and soccer.

51. when are you happiest?

talkin 2 jay prolly

52. coffee or tea?

tea

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?

my binder. or my stuffed cat puppet thing ive had since i was 7

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?

their general emotions, mostly. like if theyre in a good mood or if theyre bored or distracted or whatever. or if they seem interested in actually talking to me

55. what is your favorite season, why?

fall. my birthday, the atmosphere is nice, it's pretty, its hoodie weather.

56. what makes you laugh?

stupid little comments or jokes my friends make tend to make me laugh a lot harder than i should but jabdn

57. are you a clean or messy person?

a mix. i Cannot have some things messy or i will ksjqkd. Die but i don't make my bed too often bc its ha rd when its against 3 walls.

58. what is important for a successful relationship?

communication communication communicati

talk about ur goddamn problems n keep talking to each other.

59. what was your upcoming like?

if thats supposed to be upbringing

idk, very relaxed. pretty easygoing and kinda boring.

60. favorite holiday?

any holiday in december rly. i don't celebrate a Lot but the atmosphere and others celebrating is nice to see. i kinda wish my parents did more to embrace the jewish part in our family blike. whatever. christmas is fun.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

give half of it to my parents. and then probably use it for plane ticket

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?

hawaiian pizza. pinapple n canadian bacon ty

63. favorite outdoor activity.

frisbee

64. how are you? honestly.

not great. i want highschool to end.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?

idk. camping is fun but if i get to stay at the resort for free i would rly love 2 stay at a resort tbh ive never done that

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?

waterfalls. or rivers or just. water in nature. and very green forests. aNd snow.

67. favorite type of candy?

none

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?

i can and will do arson, an autobiography

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?

i quote john mulaney and whatever my obsessions are pretty regularly

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?

silly bandz. pokemon cards. these weird unicorn figures i collected

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?

im mostly the one having the weird conversations

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?

i watched one about dogs and cats and their evolution which was lit

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?

when i let the lady just go fuckin ham on my hair bc i was watching spirit that horse movie and didnt wanna stop so it was. rly bad bangs and hella short in back but not the sides

74. what do you like to cook?

whatever im hungry for. i don't have the energy to cook a lot

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

really pretty tropical fish

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?

idk. i rly like schitts creek its pretty amusing

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?

heart at first but my head if things get bad

78. what is your favorite quote?

"i have a splitting headache and i think i'm dying. how are you?"

or a character just saying "try harder" when another failed to do smth.

this is supposed to be deep or whatever but im in a Mood

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?

once had a crush on a character in a minecraft parody lmao

80. what’s your love language?

sending shit that makes me think of them. n just. making tons of stuff for them both online and irl like bracelets.

81. do you ever feel alone?

oh yeah. all the time. im not but it feels like i am which sucks

82. ever been bullied?

yeah

83. are you usually early or late?

late bc of my parents rip

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?

drawing, or writing. also theater.

85. what do you wish you knew more about?

i just wish i could remember everything ive learned more about. i know a lot i just forget all.

id like to know more about forensics tho