#there can be overlaps but it’s a different experience

[rawrsatthetree]

Every other post about Astarion: he mentions he has a complex relationship with sexual intimacy once so you can’t ever think about his character sexually cause he’s a traumatized UwU bean. Totally disregarding that he was horrible tortured for 200 years because being a sex worker is so much more traumatizing. You can only treat him like a sweet innocent sexless being or your objectifying him and sexually harassing him. (Basically the Madonna Whore Dichotomy)

Me, a sex worker, just trying to find one fic where he isn’t written like a 16 year old girl:

[mayasaura]

I don't wanna further hijack that poor poll, but the thing about Harrow's schizophrenia is that it's canon. The author has confirmed it, and shared that it's based on her own experience.

It's a pretty obscure bit of canon, so of course there's no shame in not already knowing, but that's why I'm so obnoxiously persistent about letting people know.

Whatever else is up with Harrow, autism or cptsd or any number of likely headcanons, she is also schizophrenic. I feel like that's too important to be handwaved away as a difference of opinion.

[1960z]

how people go about interpreting dr bashir I presume? really frustrates me sometimes ngl especially the “jules bashir died” scene.

like that whole scene is about julian revealing the depth of how deeply his augmentations fractured his sense of identity and who he is - which feeds into the themes of the whole episode surrounding how disability and then by extension disabled people are often viewed as a problem to be solved and because of that are often denied the ability to have fulfilling lives because the able bodied people around them don’t believe that they can.

but… idk, when the fandom talks about it there’s always seems to be a push to read a trans allegory into it that I don’t think is really there? I keep mulling over this post in my mind and when I initially reblogged it I didn’t really want to talk about this because the post is about how stories about racism can be hijacked by white people to be made about their own transness and it felt like as a white person, using that post to complain about ableism would be missing the point. but it really helped me articulate in my mind why the trans reading of this episode feels off to me because the same general principle seems to apply and that is taking a story trying to discuss a specific type of marginalisation and putting a trans reading above it because you can relate more to it personally.

“jules bashir died in that hospital because you couldn't live with the shame of having a son who didn't measure up!” this scene is the culmination of julian expressing his pain about what was done to him as a disabled child by his parents due to how they viewed his disability. but often when I see it being discussed, people aren’t really interested in talking about that. instead supplanting it with a trans reading instead which, in my opinion is an allegory that doesn’t even really work when you think about what’s going on in the broader context of the scene.

julian didn’t stop going by jules because he came to the conclusion on his own that the identity didn’t suit him similar to the way a trans person questions or rejects the gender they were assigned at birth, he stopped going by jules because he felt like the identity attached to that name was taken from him because of what his parents did. it’s not julian affirming who he wants to be it’s grieving over who he can’t be and to me at least, it’s honestly kind of harrowing.

and as an aside: when people read transness into a story about parents who change their child’s body and mind at a very young age without consent, which is literally a narrative projected onto trans people by transphobes to justify the curtailing of trans rights, that also doesn’t sit well with me. I think people latch onto this reading because of the idea of “killing a name” but again in the context of the whole episode the trans reading really doesn’t feel appropriate.

I think it’s okay for people to have trans headcanons about julian of course or literally any character they want to really, but I think saying that specific episode codes him as trans isn’t all that great honestly.

[sciderman]

I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

[mantisgodsdomain]

Finally, we get the opportunity to put our Spy Cards worldbuilding in a work. Though there are many questions about such things as "regulation" "how these cards are printed" "who approves a single spy card", and so on, we are here to present a bold new take: this game is based like 60% on obscure roach memory-reading tech that got turned into a card game with absolutely No card-game-related intentions included in the original tech and most of the card vetting is just from the fact that there aren't too many card printers out there and most of them make cards that need to be translated from Roach.

Strictly speaking, as a card game, it is not a terribly good or well-balanced one. It's popular primarily because of a mix of the difficulty involved in getting the data for high-level cards, the fun of seeing the variety of monsters that can be brought to the table, and the incredible amounts of ham and drama that goes into specifically the professional scene.

[rouge-the-bat]

i hate how oppression discourse has rotted peoples brains like what the fuck is this shit. "a flamboyant straight man getting the shit beat out of him for incorrectly being assumed as gay isnt oppressed by homophobia" thats what yall sound like !!!!! ""misdirected"" doesnt change how they were treated !!! bigotry doesnt care about our actual identities, just that were different by their standards and therefore ""wrong"" !!

were all in this together you complete fucking dipshits !!!!!

[zephyr-paladyn]

dan heng from the angle of dissociative amnesia and trauma

a Lot of my different life experiences lend themselves to understanding and relating to dan heng a good amount from different angles. so one thing that kind of bothers me or even intrigues me is how much different people interpret him in relation to dan feng, and his past/connection to the vidyadhara & xianzhou at all.

like. i just saw a post just now that was intriguing and i kinda understood what they were getting at, but the wording felt a bit off to me. yes, the sins and memories of dan feng are his to bear. but he isn't dan feng. he's a different person, although within the same reincarnation lineage as dan feng. on a technicality; physical level... yes, they're the "same person." but emotionally, psychologically, and in terms of memories -- the things that make one a person shaped by experiences -- he's not the same person. take someone (like a system) who experiences dissociative amnesia and trauma, and forms a new identity afterwards. while their new life and identity is different from their past, echoes from the past -- the way their past played out -- has an undeniable influence on their current identity. i don't remember my entire past, but the pain i experienced shaped me into who i am today. this is a similar case with dan heng in relation to dan feng. like with all trauma and healing, coming to terms with your past is how you can move on. so with the post in question -- they did say dan heng has to reconcile with his past as dan feng and pay for his sins, which yes i agree with. but, he's not the same as dan feng. to say so is to be disrespectful and dismissive of the new life and identity one takes on. if you came up to me and talked about my deadname or my past that i don't remember at all it'd be very awkward and weird, lol. but, to come to terms with your trauma is key to understanding yourself and who you are, and thus you can take that new identity and go forwards with it in full understanding and peace, shaping a new future and life for yourself. dan heng is dan heng.

[taikanyohou]

ughhhh if only discovering new music could be classed as a professional hobby 😔.

[epochryphal]

just saw someone crediting me for coining xenogenital and clicked through to a post where i indeed mark it as i coined it, and

i completely fucking forgot that i did

doubly hilarious given i was just thinking “i bet all these definitions focusing on Imagination are just same phenomenon as quoi and originally it was more nuanced and could indeed fit Transition” (answer: yes)

apparently i originally described it as Conceptualizing and linked it to alien… whereas now i would emphasize it as a Relationship To Body and that it should be understood as agnostic about physical transition/modification, but certainly not understood as Unaltered or as Just Fun Fiction Narrative (nor about “always a dream, alas, definitely physically impossible, mustn’t get hopes up, let’s preempt any innovation and always specify it is hopeless wish”)

which of course is the whole. issue. and probably requires more intentional careful pushback (but also, is simplification and flattening just inevitable)

how do we open up the cognitive space to think about “hey, some people have genital setups that don’t occur naturally”

(without activating dysphoria and anti-trans cooptation along the lines of “-plasty surgery results are never ~real~ genitals”)

and this is where eunuchs and nullos are obvious but often forgotten examples. assumed archaic, or always only coercive. no thought about changes in healthcare experience or needs (eg risk of osteoporosis after gonadectomy unless on a hormone therapy; i wonder what preventative care some folks may still need and get denied because it’s tied into assumptions about organ inventories; how much does disgust reaction activate and prevent life-saving care)

but even then, how do we avoid the sort of “male / female / neuter” trinary?

i’ve been about removal (literally, blockers-and-ectomies) of sexed organs and tissue and traits, and it’s led me to yearn for transmutation into something visibly notably unrecognizable

and i don’t know what “not penis, not vagina, not a smooth doll crotch either; not scrotum, not labia, not smooth skin either” looks like, still — even as i literally have it, lmao.

like… how does this visually, conceptually (there’s the original word i used again) register? and how do we create the possibility to register something new? something possible. literally able to be noted/noticed.

i think a lot of xenobio designs focus on the physically humanly impossible for the foreseeable future - prehensile, especially.

probably all of this is very directly tied to phallocentrism. and it generates a binary yes/no, where further details are irrelevant (beyond coercive intervention to reinforce and reify that binary).

and anyway for all discussion there’s this looming spectre of “it’s sexual harrassment to discuss your own genitals, tmi inappropriate predatory creepy, can’t hide behind the veneer of fictional and have to be explicit (anything less gets misunderstood and elided back into penis/vagina/neuter) so that makes it real life sexual boundary crossing” - when uh how does one “get consent” to arguing with a paradigm of what can/does exist

mm. i threw this in my drafts for two weeks trying to think further and/or encourage myself to Formalize this into a bigger Plea For Paradigm Shift Around Genital Reality, and i hope i’ll be able to articulate that better in the near future but i’m gonna share this now as is

[leave-a-whisper]

there is so much more I want to say about the post I just rbed but I can't quite articulate my thoughts the way I want to right now

[marshmallowprotection]

Heya, Kait. I just wanted to ask something.. this has been something that has been bothering me kinda for a while. It's nothing serious or anything but do you think I could love Saeyoung like I used to before?

To elaborate more, I actually have started loving this other character from another media but I didn't expect myself to consider them as another f/o of mine. It also shocked me how fast I started to love this character and even when I tried to deny it, my love for them only grew from there.

I had a conversation about this with one of my best friends and they told me that it was alright for me to love more characters. But at the same time I kinda feel like I'm abandoning Saeyoung which i know is not true. I KNOW I still love this redhead and he will always be my number one, no matter what.

But I feel guilty that when I look at him, I don't feel the same I used to. I know I love him, I really do, but I'm scared that one day I'll stop loving him. I have loved characters before that one day my love for them just slowly faded so I'm kinda scared that this day is coming for Saeyoung.

This hasn't been bothering me as much as it did but I can't help but think about it a lot. Do you think I can love Saeyoung like I used to? I even stopped having the excitement to write my self-inserts with him but I want to try to write them again.

And I feel guilty because I was SO, SO adamant and sure that I wouldn't love another character as much as I love Saeyoung. I feel embarrassed to admit this all.

I don't want to give up on Saeyoung ever and he has been a character that I have loved the most and longest. He has helped me through so much and even the new character has as well. I see myself in both of these characters so much and I find so much comfort in them.

I felt kinda scared sharing this but I also wanted to hear your thoughts as well.. you have helped me a lot with your writing about Saeyoung and I am so thankful for it.

What do you think?

Your friend is absolutely right. You're allowed to love more than one character! There is no law stating that you can't! There are no laws in here about love! You're allowed to enjoy media any way you want and there is no reason to feel ashamed or guilty about that. You have love in your heart for Saeyoung Choi, and he loves you!

There is no doubt about that in my mind, and there shouldn't be any doubt about that in yours. Love is something that adapts and evolves as you get older, though. The way you love something may not be the same today as it was yesterday, nor will it be the same tomorrow that it was today. But, is that a bad thing? No, it's not. Just because you've found more characters you love just as dearly doesn't take away from what you feel for Saeyoung.

In fact, Saeyoung would be happy to know that you've found ways to be loved all across the cosmos. Your happiness is his happiness at the end of the day. Whether you give all your attention to him or not won't be a problem. Your smile is what matters to him. Think about the time you've shared with Saeyoung, how far you've grown, and what it feels like to love him the way he loves you. He is special to you, and you will always remain special to him.

Love is a part of us as human beings, my friend. No matter where we go today our hearts will always be fondest of those that helped shape us over time. Even if there comes a day when Saeyoung isn't the first thought in your head, he'll always be in your heart.

He helped you so much, didn't he? You'll never forget that. You won't have a day pass you by where you're not grateful for what loving him has done for you over the years. I think you still love Saeyoung just as much as you did yesterday. You haven't lost your love for him. He has a place in your heart carved out just for him. That love won't fade for you.

Even the characters you loved before him... that love hasn't yet faded from your heart. It's still a part of you. Love shapes us as people and those things that shape us never leave us. Just because you're not in the midst of creating and consuming content for a character doesn't mean you don't love them all the same. You know when you pick up a toy from your closet that you used to love as a kid?

It brings a smile to your face and you remember what it felt like in the moment to have it. That's what shows us that we never forget what it feels like to love something... even if time passes us by and things do change for you, you'll never lose Saeyoung because Saeyoung is right there inside of your heart.

Don't leave being afraid of losing someone when they're always with you.

[nomaishuttle]

i think analyzing dreams is very fun but also i think a lot of it is psuedoscience yk. and also straightup it wouldnt make sense for evey single type of dream to mean the same thing for everybody bc we all have different brains and associate things differently yk.

[binders-and-beanies]

Also when you listen to unconventional music it’s like. You have a societal obligation to constantly listen to music you don’t like, and be polite about it. But god forbid someone hears a snippet of something that means the world to you and they can shit all over it and you have to be polite about that too lol. Nothing is made for you except in spaces that your community specifically creates for that purpose and that’s BEAUTIFUL but it’s isolating

[fiapple]

the tags on this post elaborate, so i deeply encourage reading them, but there has to be more acknowledgment that mental illness can be a disability for some people. Anything from depression to personality disorders to schizophrenia can disable a person insofar as making them unable to function. It does a disservice both to those who are disabled by their mental health & those who feel their physical &/or neurological disabilities are inextricably interlinked to their mental health experientially to pretend otherwise.

[cryptovexillologist]

Disconnected Thoughts on Art Reproduction:

Hokusai's Great Wave fascinates me because, unlike almost every other artwork in that bracket of fame, it was never a bespoke piece that was only later reproduced. It was a commercial print right from the start, and while versions of it can be identified as belonging to different print runs, there is no meaningful 'original' aside from the long-since-discarded printing plates.

Even better, this state has been imposed on artworks that were once unique. In 2021, the art collective MSCHF bought an Andy Warhol sketch at auction for $20,000, made 999 meticulous forgeries of it, shuffled them to destroy any record of which was the original, and sold each piece for $250 as Possibly Real Copy of 'Fairies' by Andy Warhol, by MSCHF.

As with many smartass art collectives, MSCHF's projects range from eye-rolling to kinda clever to brilliant, but I think this is their magnum opus. It has exactly the kind of unwieldy literal title I adore. The original work has been arguably destroyed, but in a way that Warhol would applaud. It's the most pointed way to ask art buyers, do you care about the actual artistry of the work or just the bragging rights of owning the original?

---

Artistic domains where reproduction is trivial are often prone to the Superstar Problem: Why would I listen to the world's 50th-best cellist when I can stream all the Yo-Yo Ma I want just as easily? NFTs were pitched as a solution to this, marking the original or master copy of a natively-digital work to let it retain value. But even if the crypto market didn't have its own 2008 every few weeks, I don't want fine-art auction houses to be the future of digital art, especially when there are already plenty of existing ways to mitigate the problem. A fursona, a tabletop-game character, a niche Blorbo, etc. are all bespoke value-adds that enable a much greater range of artists to get commissions. But these require a culture of art fans who don't care about flipping it at Christie's, often overlapping with fannish cultures where plenty of artists operate at all experience levels.

I don't have any tidy conclusions for this, but I just want to say that an earlier version of this process - "paint me a biblical scene, and put me in it to flex my wealth and piety" - culminated in one of the funniest artworks I've ever seen, Francisco de Zurbarán's Christ Crucified (With Donor):

[cremainsinmorningrays]

the more one learns about old school queer discourse the less one should participate in modern queer discourse