#there is a key hole on the trunk which I finally figure out doesn’t take the actual key attached to the fob. no. that to lock our valets.

[icterid-rubus]

I pulled a muscle in my back crawling to hell and back through my car trying to find an emergency trunk release because after a day of crawling to hell and back through my car to find the hood release I saw a big yellow sticker that said battery in trunk because this is a piece of superior machinery and clearly it would never suffer something so common as a dead battery! A battery that is needed to pop the trunk! Where the battery is located!

[younghosfavewhore]

wanna experiment?

 [s]

plot; you and yuta experiment in bed. 

pairing; hard dom!yuta x sub fem!reader

warnings; MATURE CONTENT!!!, kinda angsty, edging, very smutty, rough, anal, overstimulation, slight exhibitionism, filth ngl

wc; 1.9k

"y/n” yuta calls from the kitchen. “come here.”

his tone was oddly calm, considering the argument that just ensued. it was a typical, petty argument. you got a little too touchy with the other members during an event and he lectured you for it. you explained that you’re a grown woman who can make her own decisions, but he would refute and say that you’re his. only his. arguing with yuta was a never-ending battle. there would be times you wouldn’t talk for days after an argument; trudging around the house as each of you waited for the other to apologize. and typically you’d be the one to give in first.

you walk into the kitchen, the sight of yuta hunched casually over the countertop was almost relieving. did he plan on apologizing this time?

“yes?” you say nonchalantly.

“i want to experiment.” 

“what?”

“do you know what edging is?”

“edging? as in sex?” 

“yes.”

“are you really talking about sex right now? could i at least get an apology for eariler?”

“why would i apologize because you don’t know how to control yourself?”

“what-”

“i’m not apologizing. we’re done talking about it.” he dismisses you. “do you want to experiment with me or not?”

you could hardly believe yuta’s blunt attitude. it was so disappointing, but so typical of him. if you say that you want to do this with him, what do you gain? so much pleasure, you think. no matter how much of a dick he can be, sex with him is fucking amazing, you admitted in your head. 

“answer me.” he demands.

but your pride, y/n. you go back and forth in your head. you can’t keep letting him get away with treating you like your feelings don’t matter.

“5...4...3...” he starts to countdown.

fuck.

“i’ll do it.” you finally avow.

“that’s what i figured.” he scoffs. “we’ll do it now, come on.” he grips his hand around your arm and practically drags you to the room.

he closes the door behind you, “on the bed. strip.” he commands without even glancing in your direction. he reaches into his dresser, taking out a black bag. 

you start to strip down, still watching as he fidgets with the bag. he pulls out a small storage trunk. 

“where’d i put the fucking key...” he mutters to himself. he finally gives you a glance, taking a second to admire your now-nude body. he licks his lips and goes back to raking through his dresser. 

he eventually finds the key, he opens the trunk, revealing all sorts of toys; cuffs, vibrators, dildos, some even dual-ended.

“yuta? where did you get that stuff?” your eyes widen.

he doesn’t answer, instead, dumping the trunk out, pouring out even more toys.

“yuta-” you gasp at the sight. you’d known he had a few toys, but this?

“how far do you want to go?” he asks, rooting through the toys, picking a few out of the pile.

you hesitate to answer and he turns to glare at you.

“hello? how far?” he repeats.

“i-im not sure...” you say as your eyes still scan the mound of toys in front of him.

he sighs and rolls his eyes. “safe word is ‘eleven’” he stands up, walks towards the bed and places a few toys on the dresser; a few vibrators, lube, plug, and the cuffs. “ass up.” he mutters, grabbing a condom and walking towards you.

you do as he says, flipping onto all fours and propping your ass up.

he places a hard smack on your ass, rubbing and watching it as it turns red.

“i won’t be too rough. you can’t handle it,” you took someone offense, but ultimately he was right. “but i won’t be gentle.”

he grabs one of the vibrators, a blue egg-like shape. he grabs the lube next to it, pouring it along two of his fingers. he glides his fingers around your butthole, placing another smack on your ass cheek.

“so tight... you’ve never been fucked in your ass, have you?”

you shake your head, “no...” 

“good; nice and tight. i want to be the first to stretch it.” he whispers.

he gets on his knees behind you, grabbing the lube and the silvery-pink butt plug next to it. he applies the lube to the plug, grazing it against your asshole. 

“you’re gonna stretch; it’s gonna hurt at first. ‘eleven’, remember?” you nod, you appreciated how yuta could walk you through these things, even though he’s mean to be rough, he still has that soft aura to him.

he slowly slips a finger into your asshole. the feeling was slightly unpleasant, not painful, just new. you could feel his finger plunge deeper into you, squirming as to not slip out. you whimper a bit at the new feeling. yuta moves a finger to your clit, giving it a few flicks and watching your hole clench around his digit.

“i’ll add another.” his tone sounded bored, uninterested; but his hands told a different story. his hands were busy as they explored you.

he adds another finger, slipping the slick digit into your tense hole. the discomfort began to subside, the feeling still wasn’t exactly pleasure, but you couldn’t say you didn’t enjoy it. he pumps his fingers into you faster, still squirming them. you let out a slight moan when his other hand drops back to your clit, pinching the small nub between his fingers.

he grabs the blue vibrator, turns it on, and presses it against your clit. at the same time, he inserts the butt plug. the sudden stimulation shakes you and a loud moan spews from your mouth.

“not too loud, baby...” he whispers, gliding the vibrator up and down your slit.

“yuta...” you moan at the unfamiliar pleasure. he turns the vibrator up to the next setting, “f-fuck!” you exclaim.

he slowly starts to move the plug, you had nearly forgotten it was there. “you like this don’t you... when i treat you like my toy?” he smirks.

“y-yes... i love it,” he places another hard smack on your ass, causing you to lose the arch in your back, almost thrashing. “i’m close.” you whimper.

“mmm,” he grumbles, pressing the vibrator harder against your clit. 

your seconds away from your orgasm, your eyes already clamping shut. just then, he pulls the vibrator away. edging. you remember. fuck.

he chuckles when you whimper. he watches your pussy clench, obviously disappointed at the loss.

“you could barely handle that. can you take more?” he taunts, but at this point you were desperate.

you nod, the pleasure was too good to deny; and you needed more.

“flip over.” he says.

it wasn’t until now that you acknowledged the plug again. laying on your back, the plug had a new angle, which again, wasn’t exactly unpleasant. you lie face up on your back. yuta is quick to hover over you, opening your legs and placing pecks along your neck. you bring your hand up to his hair, but he moves it away. “no touching.” he says bluntly. you obey, pulling your hands to the side of your head. just as you do so, he reaches beside you and grabs the cuffs; another delight you’d forgotten about. they weren’t the fun, furry kind, instead they were solid gray in color and heavy, it made you wonder,

“are these real?” you ask as he locks them in place, setting the key on the nightstand.

he doesn’t answer, he just smirks. he drops his hands down to squeeze at your breasts. “before i forget...” he interrupts himself and reaches to the nightstand, “blindfold?” he asks, holding up a black blindfold.

you nod and he slips it over your head, covering your eyes.

his lips immediately meet your nipples, latching onto the soft flesh. you weren’t sure why, but the lack of your senses only made you want him more. his other hand toyed with your other breast, pinching and rubbing it.

the movement suddenly stops, you feel the bed dip beside you, meaning he was grabbing something off of the dresser again. “here,” he uncuffs one of your hands. he places something in your hand, it’s soft but firm; a dildo. “use this,” 

“but i can’t see...” you stammer.

“you don’t need to.” he whispers. you hear him stand up and his zipper unzipping. 

you drop the dildo down to your folds, gliding it over them and feeling your juices seep down onto the bed. you slide it into you, at the same time he turns on the vibrator, pressing it to your clit again. you wail out, your back arching upwards at the sudden rush of pleasure. he slides his fingers into your mouth.

“fuck, yu-yuta...” you groan, grinding yourself against the vibrator ever so slightly; as you grind you push the plug deeper into you; all of your wholes being filled.

“you’re so fucking sexy,” he growls. you assume that he’s finally touching himself. “so tempted to fuck you... so desperate. you want more don’t you?”

“yes,” you moan. “i need you, please..”

“fuck...” he growls, admiring the sight of you pumping the dildo in and out of you.

he rips off your blindfold and you are met with the sight of his nude body, amazing as ever. he yanks the dildo out of you, still keeping the vibrator pressed against your clit. 

he cuffs your hand and slips a finger inside of you, pumping it at an inhuman pace. you attempt to grab onto him as you near your climax but the restraints don’t allow you to.

“i’m so close, please...” he glares into your eyes.

he pulls his hands away from you, taking away his fingers as well as the vibrator. “too needy,” he grunts.

he throws the blue vibrator to the side, reaching to grab the longer, white, wand-like one from the dresser. he positions himself in front of you. he immediately thrusts into you, pressing the vibrator against your throbbing clit. you both let out lustful sounds; nothing could compare to the way yuta filled you up. you cry out his name, unable to say much more. he hovers over you, glaring down at you. his eyes were hooded and thick with lust. this look was what made sex with yuta all the better. his cock slams in and out of you, your vision blurred. the stimulation from tonight’s events all coming down at once. his pace was quick and enough to leave you breathless. his hands move down, gripping your hips and you can tell he’s close. he presses the vibrator harder against you, glaring at your face admiring how it contorts at the stimulation.

“so fuckin’ sexy...” he repeats.

his thrusts speed up and become messier, until he finally lets out that familiar snarl letting you know that he’s finally coming. he doesn’t pull out, instead emptying himself inside of you. with this, you finally release. the sensation coming over you a million times stronger than you’d expected. 

your vision goes black and white as your eyes roll back into your head. you’re not even sure what words spill out of your mouth, just filthy murmurs and whimpers. the reminder of your restricted hands and filled ass come back as you orgasm, intensifying it. the orgasm lasted long, and yuta fucked into you throughout it. this man will be the death of me. you think.

you both finally come down. yuta uncuffs you and pulls out the plug before sliding out of your oozing pussy. you both end up too weak to move another muscle, your bodies sprawl out on the bed. no words are said, until yuta finally breaks the silence.

“i’m sorry.” he smirks. “forgive me?” 

[thismaydestroyme]

Little Did I Know

Summary: In this short story Harry is famous, and he moved into a town during the summer to relax and potentially write some new songs for his upcoming album. I’m not sure if I’ll include some song lyrics, but if I do, I will take a piece of a lyric from a different song and pretend it’s his. 

Word Count: 2,272

“Sweetie, can you walk Cosmo?” Y/N hears her mom shouting from downstairs. 

“Yes, mom!” She says.  

Y/N is on her bed with her headphones on due to having a neighbor who’s living across her street who just moved in. For the past weeks there’s been a lot of moving trunks and ruckus because there’s a musician living among them. 

Y/N is a 21 year old girl who wants to be part of the music industry, but she doesn’t know shit. All she knows is that she loves music, and music is part of her. It was her dad that introduced her to music, like music that was before her time. Like Billie Holiday, Frank Sintra, The Rolling Stone, Queen, Otis Redding, Nirvana, The Knack, Elton John, The Doors, The Clash and so many more. That’s all she knew and all she wanted was to find a way to have that without having to know how to play the instruments, knowing how to sing. She simply just wants to go wherever the music takes her. 

She finally drags herself out of bed and starts putting on her sneaker and throwing on an oversized hoodie. She swaps her earbuds to her airpods and off to walk her dog. 

She walks down the stairs heavily which alerts her mother, and before she gets to the last step her mother hands her Cosmo’s leash. 

“Ugh. Couldn't you do - sorry mom.” She reaches for the leash that’s in her mom’s hand. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, darling.” She says giving her daughter a peck on her left cheek. 

Y/N bends over to put the leash on Cosmo’s neck, which Cosmo gives her a lick on her face. Y/N loves this dog of hers. He provides her safety and security, which she needs because let’s just say she has a breakdown every couple of days. 

Y/N stands back up and gives Cosmo a nice tug so he knows he’s ready for his next adventure. By adventure it means walking around the block she’s been doing for the past three years since Y/N got him. 

It’s around 3 o’clock which means the summer heat is hitting hard right about now. But it’s too hot to harm Cosmo in any way. Cosmo is the love of Y/N life. 

Cosmo and Y/N went on their typical route which they go past their new neighbor's house. Y/N realizes the new neighbor door is a jar, and she can smell bacon, which isn’t good for Cosmo because he’ll tend to escape and run towards the delicious smell he knows so much about. To Y/N not so surprise Cosmo started tugging on his leash that has Y/N being yanked and pulled. 

“Cosmo. Stop it right now!” Y/N shouts to Cosmo which she knows that wouldn’t help a damn thing. When he has something in mind there’s no stopping him. Cosmo has to be on something because it’s like he’s on some x game mode. Y/N starts tripping on her own feet and losing her own balance. 

They were running in the middle of streets when they received some honks and screams at fellow drivers on the road. Which Y/N give them a nice finger and simple “fuck off.” Y/N let’s go Cosmo leash because she isn’t in the mood to eat shit, so when she felt safe nothing could happen to Cosmo she let him go.

Cosmo went straight towards the slight jar front door, which I had to pick up my steps. Before Y/N could even be on the same street as the house, the new neighbor came out his house, holding Cosmo’s leash quite aggressively which had Y/N switch her mode to attack mode. 

“Hey, what the fuck? you didn’t have to pull him like that?” Y/N says aggressively while walking towards the house, when she gets in a hand reach, she pulls the leash so the neighbor doesn’t have his grubby hand on the leash. 

Oh you want to know Y/N neighbor? It happily to be Harry Styles. Forgot to include that in, sorry. 

“Are you getting mad at me? your dog happened to be in my house without any guardian. Your dog jumped on my couch, which I’m not too fond of. So anyone here who should be a little bit bitchy, it should be me.” Harry says hostile. He’s wearing a wife beater shirt that has his arms tattoos on display. For his lower part he’s wearing a nice black booty short which shows off that magnificent tiger tattoo. “Are you just going to stand there?” He snaps back. 

Y/N brought her eyes back to him which Y/N doesn’t approve of his tone. Y/N scuffs and rolls her eyes to the back of her head. “Sorry for your inconvenience. Enjoy the rest of your day.” Y/N plants a fake smile on her face. “C’mon Cosmo, let’s go, but this time I'm walking you.“ Y/N whispers to Cosmo while turning around to continue their walk with a small intermission they encountered. After a couple of steps Y/N turned her head around and when she did Harry was still standing there with annoyance on his face, which Y/N turned her head back around. 

“He’s going to be fun.” 

***

It took Y/N twenty minutes to walk her dog today. She wanted Cosmo to enjoy himself which he did because he saw a lot of squirrels today, and on top of that she didn’t want to ‘run’ into Harry again. Y/N should be excited to have a big celebrity living among them, and hopefully she could get reinspired about her future, but unfortunately that isn’t the case. Probably Harry is just having a bad day, and last year and the beginning of this year he had a lot of things going on. He’s officially a grammy winner, he filmed two movies, his latest album Fine Line has been doing phenomenally well, he was the first male to have appeared solo on Vogue magazine,  he was announced Hitmaker of the year, and so many more. So maybe he just needed to get his energy back, which Y/N understood. But man, it really had to be their first impression. 

When Y/N and Cosmo took a turn to walk to their front door, Y/N couldn’t help but to look across the street to see if Harry was there or not. Surprisingly he was, and he’s looking right at her. Y/N looked at his lips while he blew out a smoke. Fuck, he smokes?! 

Y/N doesn’t understand why he’s looking at her, but she doesn’t give a shit because the way he’s looking at her was his way of trying to figure her out. Whatever that fucking means. 

She broke eye contact and flipped her head around to her front door. She starts digging her hand in her pocket to fetch her keys out. Cosmo starts barking because the keys jiggles so he thought it was a new toy. “Oh you hash it.” She got the keys and shove it in the lock. Thank god, her mother didn’t lock the top of the door. 

The door finally releases and Cosmo immediately runs through, probably heading to his water bowl. “Thanks sweetie for walking Cosmo for me.” Y/N hears her mom in the kitchen probably smothering Cosmo. “Yep. I would say anytime, but I would be lying.” She says while walking up the stairs to head to her room. “Fuck off.” Her mother giggles. “I love you too.” That was the last thing Y/N said before she shut her door.

Y/N takes off her beat up vans and soon after plops on her unmade bed. Y/N stared at the few holes on the ceiling due to having a young Leonardo DiCaprio poster on her ceiling when she was younger. Young Leo hits different. 

Y/N couldn’t help it, but her brain went back to her small and rough interaction with Harry. She wished she met him on a  better note, but fuck it. But how could she move on from him? She’s a fan of his music and his viewpoint on the world. He’s a man of few word, but when he does talk, it’s fucking loud and impactful. He’s the main reason she took a few steps back off of social media. She’s barely on it, but when she does go on it, she isn’t on there for long like she used to. 

An hour went by and her mother started knocking on her door and then she came in. “You know mother, the purpose of knocking is to see if you're welcome to enter the space.” Y/N says nonchalantly sitting up to see her mother, but at the same time trying to hold in her laugh. 

“Well, if you want to contribute to paying the bills, I’ll happily reconsider waiting to be called on.” Her mother threw back. “Nope. You’re good.” Y/N says shaking her head. 

“Mmmmhh. Well, I’m going to hang out with the girls from work. Do you want me to make you something before I go?” That’s one thing Y/N loves about her mother, she is so selfless and she always makes sure I’m good before she wants to do something for herself. 

“I’m good. Enjoy your night.” Y/N gave her mom a smile to know she’ll be alright. “If you’re sure, then I’m off,” Her mom says all happily. “If you need anything just text me. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Y/N got up to give her mom a nice, strong hug. “love you.” Y/N whispers. “Love you more beautiful.” We pull back and she’s off to the race. 

Y/N walks to her window to pull the blind. She sometimes likes looking out her window and just stares off into space. Something about watching people live their life comforts her. She loves people watching. 

Y/N found herself mumbling some words, while people watching, but she couldn’t help but stop her little rampage. Y/N feels heavy and she’s unable to even grasp the concept, so when she starts feeling that way she tends to start saying random things. It could be something she could use in the future. To make sure she doesn’t forget she whip out her phone to go to the notes app where she has a folder filled with random words and sentences. There are things in there that could potentially be useful like, “More or less a painful experience. Only ever real if you're delirious. the summer before you,” “I think you're gonna be my biggest fan.” So on and so forth. That’s what the folder is filled with fragments and potentially some song lyrics. 

Y/N tossed her phone to her bed, and left her phone to bother Cosmo downstairs. Y/N loves that sucker. Before Y/N could even smother him with love, he’s currently sleeping on his bed in the corner of the living room. 

Fucking great. 

Y/N just wanted something to do, and her damn dog couldn’t give her that. She looks at the clock on the wall in the living room and it’s currently 6 almost to be seven. Y/N could go upstairs and ask one of her friends to hangout, but she doesn’t want that. The best alternative could be taking a walk and seeing where her feet take her. She likes that option better, so she quietly went upstairs so she doesn’t wake up Cosmo.

Y/N changes her attire to ripped oversized mom jeans, an oversized graphic tee she bought on Depop and once again her infamous black and white vans. She grabs her airpods, and her keys. She’s finally ready for the evening. 

Y/N went back downstairs to check on Cosmo and make sure he has food and water ready for him just in case he wakes up while she’s still gone. When she felt everything was in order she ended straight to the door. 

The weather feels astronomically better than before which had Y/N feel much better with her decision. Y/N isn’t sure if she should take the right or left. If she decides on taking a right she’ll pass Harry’s house, but if she does decide to take a left she wouldn’t. Y/N starts going back and forth, but she decides on going left. 

There was a nice breeze in the summer air, and she’s listening to “I’m a Slave 4 U” by the one and only Britney fucking Spears. “What's practical is logical. What the hell who cares. All I know is I'm so happy. When you're dancing there. I'm a slave 4 U.” Y/N finds herself singing to herself. She’s been walking around aimlessly and rocking out to her songs for about thirty minutes. She’s aware she’s probably creating attention to herself, but she couldn’t find herself to care. Y/N is enjoying herself. 

“I’m a SLAVE FOR YOU!” Y/N shouts out with her eyes pinch shut, when she finally opens them she finds herself in front of Harry’s house. The worst part wasn't that she was walking in a circle. It wasn’t that she belted out to her songs. It wasn’t she was flinging her body around like she was the balloon thingy at the cars dealership shop. Nope. None of those. 

The worst fucking part is, Harry Fucking Styles is currently outside watching her. Fucking watching her. Once again fucking smoking. Again.

[joannasteez]

𝐒𝐄𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: EZ Reyes x Reader

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: Mature Themes.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 4.7k

Credits to who made the gif @angelreyesgirl

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @my-rosegold-soul @appropriate-writers-name @est1887 @xladymacbethx @blessedboo @brownsugarcoffy @elektriknachosss @queenbeered

Let me know if you’d like a tag!!!

✞

Your annoyance was simmering, daring to merge into the depths of some irreversible state of agitation. The engine of the classic Dodge Charger RT in your possession had, with incredibly poor timing, began to knock. The unsavory noise resonating into the thick air of the street, stilled heat of the day pushing back the regular ebb and flow of the Santo Padre streets to make way for the obnoxious sound of your engine. Your head was spinning, dazed by the bitter humidity and a steady brew of fear trembling in your fingers to dance just under the surface of your skin. The classic car was given by your father, who'd gotten it from his father, the mass of glistening matte black metal of significant value. If the engine failed, you'd be reduced to tears, wading in the dread of some existential crisis.

Your grandfather had had this car for twenty years, the imprint of his essence etched into the leather seats, and when he became grey and withered, he relinquished it to your father for another fifteen years, till finally, it was yours.

You pulled over just as the last knock sounded, the tremble in your fingers worsening. Your eyes welled, sure to leave a soft red glassiness. The need for air consumed you, the space to walk freely about, a puff of smoke or two maybe.

The pavement was hard under your feet, slam of the door accented by vexation. You picked behind your ear, that nicely rolled spliff safely kept and waiting to be lit. The lighter in your front pocket an easy grab, the flicker of orange a short friendly blaze as it singed the paper. The pull you took was slow, measured, as if to savor this minuscule moment of stillness that lived among others not so still. Not so peaceful. With release, you blew into the air, dried eyes taking in the vast blue of the sky. The never ending expansion blurring your vision as your mind sifted through slim courses of action. If you could just get the car to your garage, then you could figure the battery out on your own, saving time you didn’t have on a mechanics trips you couldn’t afford. All you needed was a—

"Need a boost?"

"Yes". The answer was so quick, it nearly gave you whiplash. The tension in your bones dissipating as you got rid of the sizzling flame around your spliff.

The stranger spun his car from its position just beside yours, the hood of it now facing yours head on before he turned it off and got out.

"Thanks so much for this".

"No problem. It's a nice ride you got, don't really see too many classics rolling around Santo Padre much", he said, eyeing the shine of the paint job. His fingers skimming the hood before he lifted it. "Where'd you get it?"

You step closer to him, a grin stretching your lips at his admiration. The RT was your pride and joy, the height of your ego bursting through to rise above some invisible ceiling whenever folks gave it compliments and stares of approval. "My dad had it for a while, gave it to me when he couldn't keep up with it anymore".

With a nod, he retrieved the cables from his trunk, the wide stretch of his back shifting just under the white fabric of his t-shirt to reveal the curve and ripple of muscles. They traveled down his arms, the bulge of them mixing with defined veins that ran across thick powerful looking fingers. He stretched one of those hands out toward you.

"Ezekiel Reyes".

You considered his hand for a moment, slipping it into your own as your eyes racked him with all the subtlety you could muster. It mustn't have been enough because that innocent friendly smile he gave you had turned into something more knowing. He knew you were checking him out but he didn't mind much. "Y/N".

His thumb skimmed the back of your hand just before letting go, turning his attention to attaching the cables to both cars properly. You minded his movements with the cables closely, triple checking the order in which he connected them with a hawks eye, a concentrated intensity that your dear old Charger RT deserved. Abruptly then, like the quickness of a blink or some single strike of lightning, a thought came to you. "Wait, not Reyes as in Carniceria Reyes?"

"Yeah it's my pops shop",

"Felipe's a real sweet guy. It's not everyday you can look through a deep book collection while the butcher cuts up your dinner". You paused, giving the beauty of his face another glance. "He should've warned me though, never told me both his sons were so handsome".

"You met Angel", he stated, a low dip in his tone. Was it disappointment?

"A couple of weeks ago. He was passing through when I stopped by to pick up somethings. He's a real charmer your brother, but I wouldn't worry. I don't think he's messed up your chances just yet", you flirted.

The assurance produced from him a toothy grin. "I'm not worried".

Silence took ahold of you then, anticipation of the moment charging the pressure in your chest to fall straight to your gut. ‘Please work' you whispered while swinging the door wide to slide into the warm leather of the drivers seat. With the key in the ignition, you twisted your wrist forward, a huff of relief puffing from your chest when the engine roars to life. You close the door quick, that relief bubbling under your skin, your head sticking out the window.

"Thanks again Reyes".

He stepped to the window, those warm endearing eyes taking in the summer glow of your face. His tongue slipped just over the plump flesh of his bottom lip. It was a rosy color, the curving dip of it enticing. He liked the way you said his last name.

"It's no problem".

You put your RT in reverse, backing away from his broad body. "See you around?"

"Maybe", he called.

You speed off, the rev of the engine blending into the ebb and flow of the town once again. Existence dipping into the horizon.

✞✞✞✞✞

You'd saw him again at some hole in the wall you frequented at. The smooth slow tempo of some classic 70s song strumming through the stereo to seep into your ears richly like fresh honey. The atmosphere was subdued, the short clinks of beer bottles and incomprehensible murmurs of frivolous conversations sating the air. It was the perfect place to think, to allow your mind to wander directionless through the never ending abyss of happenings and circumstances that had presented themselves down through the week. You made idle chitchat with the bartender about a laundry list of things of no particular significance, small smiles and light chuckles ringing from you both every now and then.

The night was going good, till you felt a creeping touch just at the low end of your back.

"Let me buy you a drink". The voice was rusted, withered by too much tobacco.

You held up the beer in your hand. "I've got already, I'm good".

This guy was tipsy, blood red creeping into his eyes, body swaying just the slightest bit. "Don't be like that, let me buy you another".

"I said I'm good", you asserted. The coolness of the bottle creating a tingling sensation in your hand. You'd crack it over his head if he touched you again.

"Sorry I'm late, everything alright?", another voice asked, but this one you knew. That deeply textured tone wrapping sweetly around your senses. You tore your irritated gaze set on the almost-drunk guy, softening it as you took Ezekiel in. He looked slightly different, refreshed it seemed, or maybe it was just his barbered hair. A Mayans kutte rested over him, comfortable like a second layer of skin, the black leather accentuating the swell of his muscles. You'd have to figure out later why your eyes diverted to them so often, they were becoming a hindrance to your thinking.

"Everything's good now", you played. Giving him a light peck to the cheek to sell the story. His arm wrapped around you in what appeared to be some reflexive reaction, all natural like he'd done it countless times before. When he realized Ezekiel wasn't leaving, the guy swayed away in true tipsy fashion. Mumbling incoherent things with a griped attitude. Ezekiel took his chair, the proximity of it in regards to yours making the point of his knee knock and slide the smooth plain of your jeans. You watched him take a glance over the bar before he called for a beer.

"Thanks for that".

"No problem", the corner of his lip turning up. "Seems like you've been needing my help a lot lately".

"Don't flatter yourself Reyes, this is just a coincidence".

"Any reason why you're at a bar alone?"

Your face screwed up in a show of confusion, but you could guess quickly the reason for the question. "Any reason why you're at a bar alone?"

He sipped at his beer. "Outside gets loud sometimes y'know, hectic. It's quiet in here. Good place to think".

"Exactly".

"A little unsafe for you though no?" And there it was.

"Everywhere's unsafe for me Ezekiel, I'm a woman. I mean I couldn't guarantee safety in my own home if I wanted to, but that's just how the world works". You paused, mischief rising in your face. "Don't worry though, I've got a little surprise for anyone who wants to test their luck".

"Oh really".

"Yeah, you men are dangerous out here. I gotta be prepared always".

His brows furrowed. "That's a bit of a big generalization to make".

"But if it's true it's true. Name one thing a man doesn't get dangerous about. Doesn't even have to be rejection", you say, turning to fully face him.

He considers the question for a moment, staring into the color of your eyes as if he'd find the answer in them. "Love".

"A man who loves, whose in love, would do any and everything, no matter how mad the shit is. He'd risk lives, his life even. If that's not dangerous then I don't know what is".

A speck of something lit in the hazel of his eyes. As if your words had brought to the present some memory buried deep within the grave of his soul. What you said hit rather close, closer than expected. "Who is she?"

"Doesn't matter, it's in the past".

"Humor me".

His jaw ticked before he spoke. "Her names Emily, but that shits all just history now. Doesn't matter". He turned the focus from himself. "What about you. Whose going all reckless about you".

"Who says he exist"

"You just did, I never specified who in particular".

So much for playing dumb. "His name is Jason".

"Sounds like an asshole".

You snort, the teasing of a headache coming as you thought on the insufferable man that was Jason. "He is. He's got that weird alpha male thing about him. Has to be in control of everything, doesn't know when to leave well enough alone".

The muted energy of the bar rose between the two of you, each taking quiet sips of your beer. You took notice of the way he surveyed the room from where he sat. That golden gaze sifting through the space and over bodies with quick ease. He was assessing, the gears in his head turning, calculating and considering every and all the possibilities of danger. It reminded you of someone.

"How long were you in for?", you ask.

"How'd you know?"

"You've been on the defensive since you sat down, lookin’ everywhere like someone's gonna up and shank you for no reason. My cousin was the same way when he got out, always looking over his shoulder". You shrugged. "Grew out of it eventually.

His eyes were a bit sullen, as if the truth would scare you. "Eight years".

"He was in for fifteen, and that prison shit is unbelievable, I mean the stories he's told me are crazy". You laugh suddenly at a memory, the resonance of it making him smile in admiration of the sound. "He did this thing for a while when he got home where he'd only have one knife, one fork and one spoon in his kitchen and I swear it was the funniest shit".

The smile falters, his body shifting awkwardly in the bar stool, embarrassed. 

"Oh my God Reyes don't tell me you've been doing the same thing".

"In my defense I live alone".

"But what if you have a special guest over, you'd be a sorry ass host", you tease.

"If you wanted to have dinner with me then just say that".

You force away the heat daring to rise in your cheeks. "We have to take a trip to home goods before I even consider a dinner with you”.

You both give hearty laughs, till the vibration in your pocket pulls your focus. With a quick slip of your phone, you realize how fast time had gone on. “Shit I gotta go, but it was real nice seeing you again Ezekiel".

"It was good seeing you too".

You press your hand against his patch, laying a sweet lingering kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Make it home in one piece for me yeah".

"I have to. You might need me again".

"I'm counting on it".

✞✞✞✞✞

You were a joke it seemed, the universe and fate in a gaming mood, as they were using you as a source for their own amusement. Commissioning their faithful associate to do the heavy lifting of masking their scents. The two of you were at the right place, at the right time again, what a damn coincidence. Before the present week, you'd never even seen Ezekiel's face, just learning of his existence a week or so before that, and now you'd seen him twice in a matter of days. This night being the third.

He was surrounded by men who donned the same kutte as him, curious eyes swimming through the sea of bodies as they did in every other setting, till they met yours. He came to you without a second thought, eyeing the tight leather of your pants and how they clung to your thighs. The cropped cut of your vintage top revealing skin he longed to touch. Since the first time he saw you his mind raced with thoughts of your voice, visions of your lips touching his skin again, plaguing his body with the desire to have you.

You stepped away from your group of friends, meeting him half way. "You're just stalking me at this point. Not that I mind".

He clutched the openings of his kutte, that signature grin lighting his face, even with the casting over of the nights darkness. "Something told me I'd see you again. How's your RT?"

"Good, resting in my garage. I've been kinda scary about replacing the battery".

"Why?"

"I'm good with cars don't get me wrong, but something about fucking it up just makes me sick. It's a lot of history behind that car. I don't wanna destroy it".

"Understandable", he nodded. Noting the caution behind your words, the way you spoke with such passion and care about the thing you loved. It was endearing.

The heavy crunch of gravel and sand tore through the beginnings of some silent stare, an undeniable enticement brewing. It was Angel.

"I see you met this asshole already", the older Reyes said.

"I'm not an asshole Angel, just 'cause I turned you down".

He sent a smirk your way. "You didn't turn me down, we made a mutual decision that you couldn't handle me remember?"

"Right. That's exactly how it went".

A call sounded through the dewy air of the night, signifying the start of a race. You started toward a cherry red car.

"That's me", you said. In regards to the call.

Ezekiel was confused, intrigued. "You racing?"

"Yeah, the mustang", you called, strutting over to your 1970's Mustang, adding the slightest dip to your hips. Giving the brothers something to admire, before dropping low into the leather seats.

With a quick twist, the mustang roared to life, the rumble tearing through the air, growling like a fierce rolling thunder through hazy storm clouds. Another car pulled up on your right, the blue electric color of it dazzling, clashing against the fine cherry red of your own to deliver a sweet contrast for the eyes that watched on in excitement. A woman, with a dangled bandana in her hand, set herself between your car and the other, whistles of admiration thrown her way as she gave the summer evening crowd an alluring smile. At the point of her finger you revved your engine, adrenaline pumping through your veins, rushing from your chest to pulse under your skin. The leather feel of the steering wheel was smooth, the grip you held to it steady. With the downward pull of her hands she set both cars to race and you pulled your mustang swift into the night.

The road before you was a muddled darkness, the outward spreading glow of your headlights stabbing it and tearing it apart as your wheels took a glide against the smooth road. At the mark line, you shifted your car into reverse, whipping left, back into drive, soaring back down the road to where the crowd watched and waited. Their rigid bodies of anticipation lit by your headlights, bellowing screams waning under the busting sound of your revving engine. Your mustang tore through the finishing mark, the tingle of victory surging through you.

Pulling back up to the crowd, you rolled your window down, a slim roll of hundreds placed in your hand by the guy who’d set the race up. You showed up to win and now you were done.

Ezekiel and Angel were a little ways away from your car, your voice carrying over to them. "A little party at my place. You and your guys are cool to come".

They both nodded, heading to their bikes when Angel answered after you. "We'll follow you".

Ezekiel swung his leg, resting on the seat of his bike as he buckled the helmet over his head, his fingers gripping the ape hangers, feeling the vibration of the engine as he followed the sleek vibrant red of your car. The afternoon he met you, he'd been turmoiled, plagued with the natural uncertainties that came with being a member of the MC. That new patch stitched into the upper corner of his kutte had bought a sense of pride and belonging he hadn't felt in forever, it gave him drive, fueled his determination, but as the saying goes, all that glitters is not good. Expectation deceived him, the reality of all things made clear. And that reality was shoveling makeshift graves for men whose names he couldn't even remember, but he remembered yours. Committed himself to it like the loving kiss he gave to the jar that held the remnants of his mother every time he stepped a foot into his fathers house.

He found you flustered, out of yourself with anxiety in the dimming light of the afternoon, and then at the bar, body rigid, eyes wired and ready to do your worst to a guy who could barely keep his posture straight, and now he was following behind you, backing his bike toward the sidewalk that laid just in front your home.

Upon entry, the knock of the speakers bled a thumping bass that pulsated through the floors. Your home had seemed to expand with every new corner that came into view, the walls pushing back to make room for the swell and scatter of bodies. Sweet smells mixed with more pungent ones, the hazy aroma of weed slipping past him as he walked further into the house. A hand placed itself at his side. It was you.

"Can I get you a drink? A beer or something".

"Yeah a beer is cool".

You intertwined your fingers with his, leading him to the kitchen where the sound settled some. Beer bottles clinked, the air releasing as you opened them, handing one over to him.

He gave a quiet "thanks" before sipping, eyeing the way your lips wrapped around the top of the bottle to taste the liquid. They looked soft, full and alluring. He redirected his gaze before the temptation overtook him to do something impulsive that had the prospect of unnerving you. His eyes flitted to the side of your face, an illustration about two inches or so etched into your skin. He hadn't noticed it till now.

You could feel him staring as you tasted the beer, the heat of it tingling your skin. "It's a dagger".

He reached forward, thumb skimming over the finely crafted design, it was a professionals work. With the simple touch of his thumb, your nerves were riling, heat rushing to pulse under your skin, he could feel it. It drew him closer, lured him in. "Did it hurt?".

"Like hell, but when you've felt more painful shit, tattoos like this don't really compare". You lifted the hem of your top some, bringing his fingers to feel the raised skin there. Four inches or so worth of a healed gash rested under his considerate touch. "Got it when I spent a year and a half inside. Grand theft", you admitted.

The reasoning behind telling him wasn't sound in the slightest bit, but what was reasoning when Ezekiel had awakened such dormant feelings inside you. With those beautiful, sunny colored eyes and the warm hand caressing your side, you were liable to tell everything. Truths you hated and dark secrets that laid deep inside your past. You reached up to lay a kiss to those pouty lips, the feel of them mesmeric, dazing. Fulfillment burdened itself onto you, finally you'd got a taste of that rosy pink bottom lip, and now your body was calling for more. Begging for it with such longing that you licked your way through his mouth, his tongue acting in kind. It was slow and all consuming, his body pressing you into the counter to surround you.

"Come with me", your voice airy. Breathless. You lead him to the back of the house. Your room first on the right. A gasp left you when your feet left the floor, body in his arms as he laid you against the fresh feel of the sheets. You kicked your shoes off with ease but the discarding of other pieces left behind a sinking feeling, a pressure forming in your chest to push down straight into your gut. He was glorious, the plains of his skin bound by rich thick tanned muscles and long veins. The dilation of his pupils darkened the air around him, physique imposing. This is what you’d wanted, Why were you feeling so anxious all of a sudden?

"What's wrong?"

Your body had raced miles ahead of your mind and now you were trying to catch up. "I don't know, I just... I feel..."

"Nervous".

"It's sounds so stupid when you say it out loud".

"But it's not, It's natural, and I'll do whatever you want me to do. Whatever makes you feel comfortable baby".

He sounded so sure of it, it made you believe him. You laid against the pillows, beckoning him with the outstretch of your fingers. "C'mere".

He obeyed, body atop yours, your legs wrapping loosely around his waist as your head tilted up to give those lips another kiss. It was messy this time, fueled by desperation, your tongues slow to lick as they tasted each other's. The remnants of beer still there. He took hold of your lip, sharp teeth pulling before he kissed his way down to the heated flesh of your neck. There he sucked, bombarding your skin with pressure causing your hips to grind against the coarse fabric of his jeans. The thin cotton layer of your underwear leaving you to erupt with a fresh wave of need. He feathered kisses down your body, pushing your legs up and apart to open yourself for him. A shudder drove down your spine, that soft wide tongue of his licking so close to where you needed him. He peeled away your underwear leaving you bare before him.

"Talk to me baby. What do you need".

You could hear the pulse of your heart in your ears. "Take care of me Ezekiel, make me feel good".

He hummed, loving the airiness of your voice. So drenched with need for him you were. He was methodical despite the desire boiling in his blood threatening to burn through his skin, so he'd settled with toying with you for now. Giving that sweet glistening clit teasing licks. They were measured, the constraint of them existing solely to wreck you, to kill your resolve completely till you were reduced to in-apprehensible words filled with air. The wide-ness of his tongue felt so good, your nails running over the faded part of his head as your hips drew tight circles.

The teasing, the game of it all. He didn't know but you loved it so much. "That feels so good baby, so good", you praised.

Your words were disembodied, wandering in another plain of existence as they rolled off your lips. Your senses were bursting at the seems, and then reborn again to erupt on impact when he sucked against your sensitive nub, lapping your slick salaciously. As if he'd been starved for years, only just finding you now. The line of your spine arched, waist swiveling, grinding to meet his wet tongue. A low "fuck" fell in the air as your felt the rise of your impending release. With taut, rough fingers he hooked at the back of your knees, pushing them into the sheets. The action opened you completely to him, no choice but to surrender to his will and the feel of his lips as he drew you closer to the edge.

"Please, I'm so close", you whimpered. Vision splotchy, thump in your ears intensifying.

He sucked at you again, holding his lips still as your body shook. Quivering against the sheets. He reverted back to soft licks, tasting as you rode the high.

He rose when you settled, eyeing the heavy rise and fall of your chest as he did away with his jeans. "You Ok?"

It took you time to register the question but when you did, you threw a pillow at him. "You just sucked the soul out of me, don't ask me that damn question".

He laughed, watching your eyes dim in bliss. You hadn't noticed, but he'd done away with his underwear as well, the weight of him causing the bed to dip as he came up to where you laid. His thick fingers rolled you over, setting your face to rest against the pillows as your hips raised in the air to rest against the hot flesh of his length, the veined skin laying along your slit. You moaned in anticipation, pushing back against him.

He gripped your cheeks, spreading them to see the quivering flesh of your opening, the flushed pink shinning in the dim light of the room. His tongue slipped against his bottom lip again, reveling in the taste of you as he pushed in. He groaned, and you gave a single fleeting "yes" , the thickness of him giving a delicious stretch, rigid length hot as he pushed and pulled in and out of your depths in a slow manner. Wanting to test the waters same as he did moments ago before building you back up again. The squeeze of you made his chest tight, head swimming with delirium.

"You feel so good mama, so tight around me", he groaned.

His thrust were dizzying as they picked up to set a steady pace, your hips rolling and pushing to take him deeper. To reach that place in you that would force your vision to blur and be replaced by disfigured stars. You reach to lay a finger at your overstimulated bundle of nerves, rubbing the soft slick flesh with lazy pleasuring circles that spurred the knot in your gut to grow. A single tear fell to dampen the pillow, your depths tightening at how full you felt, at how unrelenting the stimulation of his strokes were.

The sharp drive of his hips made you go rigid, the vice like grip you formed around him causing him to fall into his own high. Pace going all slow sloppy to ride out the blissful feeling.

He pulled from you, both your body and his collapsing against the bed. His face formed with satisfaction, a beautiful buzz running through him. "You know what this means right?"

"What", you asked.

"We’ll have to see each other around more often now".

[wicked-mind]

Betrayed: Chapter Six

Summary: Everybody thought Steve’s sister had passed away decades ago. But when you show up at the facility and try to attack Bucky, there are questions to be answered.

Word count: 5.7k

Masterlist

All Writings Masterlist

Warning: This chapter contains violence, description of damages on the body, swearing, thoughts of death, and some dismembered fingers.

*gifs in all chapters not mine

__________________________________________________________

Chapter Six- Dog Tags

Y/N gripped at Alexei’s skin on his arm until she broke skin, causing him to let go of her throat. She dropped to the ground, coughing as the fresh air filled her lungs. When she looked back up she saw Alexei’s leather boot on Clint’s neck, threatening to press down harder.

“Now, you are going to come with me willingly, or I’m going to kill your friend, and anybody else who tries to help you.” Alexei threatened in his deep voice, his eyes locked on Y/N.

Y/N looked at Clint, before meeting Alexei’s gaze. She nods, holding her hands up non-threateningly, “Let him go, alive.” She said softly, “And I’ll get us out here without alerting anybody.” She promised as she stood slowly, feeling relief when Alexei removed his boot from Clint’s neck. Y/N watched Alexei carefully, making sure to show him no fear. She knew he thrived on it. She instead glared daggers at him. Just as promised, Y/N lead Alexei into the garage, shutting off any alarms that would sound and alert those who were sleeping. She looked at the various keys on the holder, trying to decide which to take. She decided on Clint’s black Jeep, grabbing the keys and throwing them to Alexei who caught them with ease before tossing them back to her.

“Do you think I’m an idiot? You’re driving. I’m keeping my eyes on you.” He growled as he got into the passenger side of the car. Y/N bit her lip and nodded, sliding into the drivers seat, securing herself in the seatbelt. She opened the garage with the opener and quickly pulled out, speeding her way down the driveway and off of the facility grounds. Y/N looked at the building in the rearview mirror, wondering if this was the last time she would see her home.

—

Bucky awoke with a jolt, breathing heavily as he sat up. His dog tags jingled softly on his chest at the sudden movement. He rubs his vibranium hand across his face, wiping away the pellets of sweat that had formed. Another nightmare. He had watched himself kill an innocent woman who had witnessed his crime, watching her beg for her life as he squeezed the remaining life out of her by the throat with his then silver arm. He looked around his room, catching his breath. His room was bare. There were no pictures on the wall. He had a recliner in the corner beside a small table that had a lamp on it with a small notebook as well. He also had a desk, the only belongings on it were an almost empty bottle of whiskey and a glass. His tv was on, playing a rerun of an old baseball game. There was no bed, instead just some pillows and blankets on the floor. Beds were too comfortable for him, he could never get to sleep when he was in one. Bucky pulled himself off the floor, reaching for the remote to turn off the tv. He pulls a grey shirt on over his head, interrupted by a knock at the door. Bucky adjusted his gaze over to the closed door, wondering if it was Y/N. He smiled as he walked over hoping to see her red eyes staring at him. He turned the knob and opened the door only to find the wrong Rogers on the other side, turning his smile into a bit of a frown.

Steve looked at Bucky with concern in his eyes, “We have a problem.”

The team gathered in the medical bay once again, looking at Clint who laid in the bed, monitors beeping in tune with his heartbeat. He had a few stitches to his head where he had been hit that knocked him out and his neck was red from where the boot had been smashing his neck. But he was awake and talking, “I didn’t get a good look at who did it.” He said softly, wincing at the pain from his neck as he spoke, “I was out for a run and then there was this man with blonde hair and red eyes. He knocked me out.” He lifted his hand to touch the spot stitched on his head, “Next thing I remember is Steve found me."

“Alexei.” Bucky muttered, remembering Y/N’s description of the man. He was the one with blonde hair, “His name is Alexei. He’s one of the other ones like Y/N. The one she hears is Dimitri.” Bucky revealed to the team, feeling the anger growing inside of him. Alexei had taken her. Bucky had promised to keep her safe and he failed. He turned and allowed his vibranium arm to punch through a glass door, causing it to shatter leaving the glass shards at his feet.

Steve watched it unfold, seeing the pain on Bucky’s face as well as the rage. He was finally understanding how much Y/N meant to him. He walks over to his friend, placing a hand on his shoulder, “We will get her back, Buck. I promise.” He said, nodding as he said this as if trying to tell himself also

“Y/N took Clint’s car.” Natasha said as she came in after doing a thorough check of the facility, “We can figure out where she is, she doesn’t know how to turn the tracker off.”

—

Y/N gripped the steering wheel tightly, biting her lip at the silence. Her memories of Alexei were flooding back as he sat next to her. He was ruthless, enjoyed every kill. He was dangerous. She drove fast, swerving around the curves of the road they were on. Alexei sat in the passenger seat, watching every move she made and spitting out directions. Y/N moved her eyes to look down the cliff from the side of the road for a split second before returning her gaze back ahead of her. She pressed down on the gas petal slightly. There was a reason she had taken Clint’s car, she knew he had to have some secret stash of weapons hidden in here somewhere. Her eyes slowly looked over to Alexei who had finally taken his gaze off of her to look down at the cellphone in his hand, noting he hadn’t put his seatbelt on. “This is my chance..” Y/N thought. She gripped the steering wheel tightly and cranked the wheel to the left, causing the car to turn sharply and drive off the cliff.

The car tumbled down the cliff, causing Y/N’s body to shift in all different directions in the car before the airbags deployed. It hit the large rocks on the way down until it reached the forest area below. The car bounced around between the trees before finally coming to a stop by smashing into one of the trunks of a large tree. Y/N opened her eyes as the car was stilled, groaning at the pain from being thrown about. She could feel the seatbelt digging into her chest. She pushed the airbags away from her face and removed her seatbelt. There was a loud ringing in her ears which was slowly fading. Y/N usually didn’t feel much pain, but this was painful enough that she was. She looked at the windshield, noticing a large hole in it. Alexei must’ve been ejected.. She thought, part of her plan all along, though she knew that wouldn’t keep him down long. He was built like a boulder and his rage made it so he wasn’t down for long. She reaches her hand over to the glove box, wincing in pain as she pried it open. Thank god, Clint. She thought as she saw a handful of grenades and some extra arrows also. She grabbed one of the arrows, clicking it to its explosive setting like he had shown her before tucking it between her sweat’s waistband and her skin. She could hear branches cracking outside, knowing Alexei was coming. Y/N pushed the car door open, falling to the ground out of the car. Her balance hadn’t fully returned yet. She looked up, watching Alexei approach her with anger in his eyes. She could hear his growling growing louder as he got closer. He was covered in cuts from the glass and fall, bleeding through his shirt.

Y/N gasped as he grabbed her by the throat again, lifting her up so her feet dangled above the ground. He proceeded to slam her into what remained of hood of the car, growling with anger, “You Bitch.” He snarled. Y/N winced at the slam, hearing small cracks within her body. She assumed the cracks had been some of her ribs. She groaned again, opening her eyes to look up at Alexei’s red ones.

“Dimitri wanted you back alive, but your corpse will have to do.” Alexei spat at her in his thick Russian accent, lifting her from the hood and slamming her down again before tossing her against the trunk of a tree with ease, making her yelp a little at the impact.

Y/N laid on the floor, coughing up a little blood onto the dirt. She once again was met with Alexei’s hand at her throat, lifting to pin her against the tree. She stared at him, once again showing no fear. She thought for a moment this was going to be her end, closing her eyes as if to accept it. She felt the pain run up her body, the air emptying her lungs as Alexei’s hand trapped new air from coming in. As she stayed still, thinking of her demise, memories of her time at the facility flashed through her head. Seeing her brother again. Watching tv with Wanda. And Bucky… Oh, god, Bucky. Y/N thought of their moments together then thought about what he would go through if she just gave up in this moment. She felt the anger rise inside of her, adrenaline kicking in and blocking out her pain. She opened her eyes again to meet Alexei’s, a deep growl passing her lips. Y/N lifted her hand, grabbing his arm and twisting it away from her neck, wincing slightly at the pain in her own arm. Alexei landed a punch to her cheek, which she returned to his nose. She fought through the pain with each movement, absorbing each punch landed to her as she continued to back him up with her own punches. Y/N backed him up closer to the car, before kicking him in the chest causing him to fly back into the car through the driver side door which shut behind him due to the impact. Y/N pulled the arrow out of her sweatpants, clicking it again to activate. She ran towards the car, throwing the arrow in through the hole in the windshield, right by the glove box full of grenades and Alexei. She tucked her head as she tried to move away, but the arrow went off before she could get to a safe distance. There was the first explosion from the arrow, then the grenades started exploding before the engine and gas tank of the car itself exploded, releasing a large cloud of smoke along with a fireball into the sky. Y/N was thrown back, hitting a large boulder. She let out a cry as her head hit the hard rock before falling to the ground. Everything was suddenly still as the pain within her body quickly returned. She opened her eyes to look at the sky, seeing that the sun was rising. She felt the warm rays hit her face through the tree top. She stared for a moment at the trees lightening, her memories bringing her back to the sunrise with Bucky. And with those memories, her eyes closed and the world around her faded into darkness.

—

“We got a body around what’s left of the car!” Sam yelled, then had a look of disgust, “Well, pieces of a body.” He muttered as he saw some fingers not attached to hand. Bucky and Steve were at his side in seconds, looking at the pieces. Bucky felt a little relief as he saw the fingers, too big to be Y/N’s. But where was she? The car had been pretty much blown to pieces, Alexei also.

“It isn’t her.” Steve said, breaking the silence as he looked around, trying to find any sign of his sister.

“I’ve got her.” Wanda’s voice came over their earpieces, it was silent before she continued, “Sam, Nat, keep them back. I need to get her back to the facility quickly.”

Steve and Bucky moved to run to Wanda’s position, but were stopped by Natasha and Sam who held them back. Bucky pushed Sam away with ease, running towards Wanda. Steve got passed Natasha also, following close behind. They paused when they saw Wanda using her abilities to levitate Y/N from the ground with herself, headed back up the hill. Blood dripped from Y/N’s body, leaving a trail behind. Bucky watched her, horrified at how she looked. She was covered with gashes, her clothes torn. He noticed her hair was mess with dirt and blood. Her face was red and starting to develop black bruises. Her skin on her arms seemed a little scorched from the blast. He watched until Wanda was out of view, knowing that Wanda would levitate them all the way back to the facility where they already had a medical team on standby. Bucky turned to look at Steve, anger bubbling inside of him. Steve met his gaze, the same anger reflected back at Bucky. They both made their way back up the hill passed Natasha and Sam, leaving them to clean up the mess. They got in one of the SUVs and sped back towards the facility in silence.

Steve and Bucky waited outside the med bay doors. The curtains had been drawn for privacy so they couldn’t see inside while the medical team worked on Y/N. Wanda paced the room, chewing on her fingers with concern. Bucky sat hunched over in the chair, his foot tapping impatiently as he stared at the floor. Steve was standing by the doors, watching the curtain for any movement, before looking at Bucky, “You said his name was Alexei?” He asked, breaking the silence. He needed to know what Bucky knew.

Bucky nodded, looking over to Steve. He debated sharing what Y/N had told him. He sat back in the chair, running his right hand through his hair slowly, “His name was Alexei. The one that talks to her is Dimitri.” He said, the names coming off his tongue in disgust, “Dimitri wanted to overthrow the Hydra facility. With Alexei’s help, Dimitri was trying to make Y/N comply with the plans. He bit her, envenomating her and causing hallucinations, but the venom doesn’t kill her. That’s where those scars are from.” He divulged his knowledge, knowing it was safer for Y/N if Steve knew. He stood from his chair, “Dimitri must’ve sent Alexei to collect her.”

Steve listened, his forehead wrinkling with worry and anger, “With Alexei gone, he may come for Y/N himself next.” He said, his brain processing the information and trying to come up with a strategy to keep Y/N safe. Both Steve and Bucky turned quickly at the sound of the door to the med bay finally opening, rushing over to the doctor who had slipped through and closed the door behind her. She looked between Steve and Bucky before speaking, “The good news is Y/N is healing extremely quick. She should be fine and make a full recovery. I’ve seen her blood work, she has extra enzymes in her DNA that make her heal at a remarkable rate. Given the extent of her injuries, any normal human would be dead just from the car accident alone.” She said.

Steve nodded listening to the doctor, relief washing over his body as he heard Y/N would be okay.

“The bad news is,” The doctor continued, “We have to keep her sedated. She kept waking up not knowing the extent of her injuries and trying to move around so she is very, heavily sedated. I will be keeping her unconscious for a few days while her body heals itself. I’ll keep a close eye on her, but you can go in and see her.”

As soon as Bucky heard that he could see Y/N, he was through the door in an instant. He is eyes fell upon Y/N’s battered body. He approached slowly, reaching out to her with his right hand to sweep some of the dirty hair from her bruised face. He winced at the dark marks, never thinking he would see her like this. His body filled up with guilt. He had promised to protect her, keep Alexei and Dimitri from hurting her again. He had failed. She laid in front of him in the worst shape he has seen another human being in. If he didn’t know better, he would think she was dead. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He whispered to her softly, “I should’ve been there to protect you.” His voice broke with sadness.

Steve was now in the room, listening to Bucky whisper to his sister. He approached the side of Y/N’s bed, placing his hand on Bucky’s left shoulder, “She’s still here, Y/N will be okay.” He reminded his friend. Wanda had came in behind Steve, her tear filled eyes looking at Y/N. She went to the opposite side of the bed from Steve and Bucky, quickly gathering Y/N’s pale hand into hers. Wanda had witnessed so much pain in her life, this was just another thing that added to her long list of trauma.

Over the next few days Y/N’s small cuts healed quickly, leaving tiny silver scars in their place. Her bruising and swelling had gone down significantly. Eventually Steve got the okay to move her back to Y/N’s and Wanda’s bedroom as long as she stayed sedated for a couple more days. He didn’t want her to wake up surrounded by doctors and machines in the medical bay. Steve would visit her everyday and sit by her bedside for a while, watching her body heal itself miraculously. Wanda helped care for Y/N as she stayed sedated. She cleaned Y/N’s hair and brushed it everyday, wanting her to look nice. Bucky sat in the chair next to her bed constantly, even more than Steve, only leaving when Wanda requested privacy to clean Y/N up or to sleep. He brought sunflowers to put by her bed one day, hoping to see Y/N smile at them when she awoke. He watched as her larger wounds slowly started to close. Sometimes he would hear something inside her crack, assuming the sound was her bones going back into their proper positions. The doctor had told them that would happen as she healed herself. Sometimes Y/N would flinch in her sleep, gripping the blanket draped over her. Bucky would always touch his hand to her’s gently until she relaxed her grip. He liked to think Y/N knew he was there by her side.

It was day six with Y/N under sedation. Bucky got himself up off his makeshift bed on the floor, dragging himself to the bathroom for a quick shower before he would check on Y/N. He exited the bathroom dressed in jeans and a black t shirt, rubbing a towel through his hair as he walked down the hall. He froze when he heard some laughter coming from the other side of Y/N’s and Wanda’s door. He knocked gently, hearing Wanda say come in. He opened the door slowly, immediately looking over to Y/N. His blue eyes met her red ones and his insides melted. All the worry left his body. She was awake. He walked over and sat in the chair by her, “Hey..” Was all he managed to say as he reached out and touched her hand, smiling when she grasped his hand back.

“Hey.” Y/N replied with a small smile, still feeling a little loopy from the now lowered sedation. She was almost all healed besides some of the larger gashes. She also felt extremely sore as her body was pulling itself back together, “You’re just in time to meet McDreamy.” She said, motioning her free hand towards the tv that was playing an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.

Bucky chuckled, giving her a crooked smile, “Ah, I get to finally see what this McDreamy is all about. Size up the competition.” He joked, leaning back in his chair as he kept his eyes on Y/N’s face.

Y/N giggled at his reply, “Oh no, you know where I stand with McDreamy. It’s McSteamy you should worry about. I got a thing for older guys.” She said softly, smiling at him.

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Oh great, now there’s a McSteamy.” But smiled when she made her comment about older guys, knowing that was meant towards him. He looked over at Wanda as she exited the room, taking empty glasses with her to fill with water. He returned his gaze back to Y/N, reaching up with his vibranium hand to touch her face softly, “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I should’ve been there. I promised you.” He said softly, his smile changing into some sort of a defeated and guilty frown.

Y/N’s eyebrows came together as she listened to his apology, shaking her head, “No, Buck.” She said softly, “I should’ve came to you like you told me. He woke me up, singing in my head. I almost came into your room, but I didn’t. I should have. Dimitri did this, and Alexei.” She reminded, knowing now she should’ve just gone into his room. But then she wondered what would’ve happened if she did. She wondered if Clint would still be alive. She wondered if Alexei would’ve came in to get her, hurting whoever stood in his path. She sighed, leaning her head back against her pillow, closing her eyes at the thoughts. Her head ached from being thrown against that boulder from the explosion of the car, “Alexei is dead, right?” She asked softly, needing confirmation.

Bucky nodded, “You blew him up into pieces.” He reminded, wondering how much Y/N remembered.

Y/N sighed in relief hearing that Alexei was dead, “ It was the only way I could think of keeping him down. He would’ve just kept coming unless… I killed him.” She whispered, just then realizing she had killed another being. Even if that person was Alexei and it was kill or be killed, it didn’t sit well with her, “Thank god for Clint and his hidden arsenals.” She muttered, then looked over at Bucky with concern, “Is he alright?”

Bucky nodded again, stroking his thumb along her hand gently. He could hear the guilt in her voice as she mentioned Alexei, “Barton is fine. A little bruised up, but he will be fine, thanks to you. We watched the security footage, you saved him.” He watched Y/N for a moment before speaking again, “Promise me, Y/N. Promise me next time you hear Dimitri that you won’t hesitate to find me.” He lifted his right hand from her grasp to gently stroke her hair.

Y/N nodded slowly, feeling suddenly tired again, “I promise, Bucky.” She whispered back, her eyes fluttering as if she was fighting the sleep until she gave in, asleep again. It took a lot out of her as her body healed itself. Although the pain was subsiding, she knew her body was still injured and would take a while longer until she was able to push herself normally.

Wanda helped Y/N over the next couple days as she continued to heal. As much as Y/N hated the help, she accepted it. Y/N didn’t really feel the pain anymore, but the doctors had assured her time and time again that even though she didn’t feel the pain, it was still there and she needed to take it easy which meant Wanda was constantly tending to her every need like she was a helpless child.

“I don’t need you to sit in the bathroom while I shower, Wanda.” Y/N said as Wanda took a seat on the cupboard by the sink. Y/N folded her arms as if refusing to take off her clothes, the hot water in the shower behind her causing the mirror to steam up.

Wanda rolls her eyes, “And what if you fall again? You want to sit there embarrassed for another hour, or would you like me to help you up and not tell a soul?” She bargained, then closes her eyes, “I’m not peeking, get in there.” She demanded, using her ability to open the shower curtain, “And don’t make faces at me.”

Y/N stuck her tongue out at Wanda as if admitting defeat, before shedding her clothes and stepping into the shower, pulling the curtain closed behind her. She winced a little as the hot water ran down her skin. She took the time to look at all of her new scars from Alexei, tracing them softly. She quickly finished washing her hair, scrubbing her scalp and wincing. Her head and back hurt the most still from being slammed against the rock during the blast from the car. She turned off the shower as she finished to find a floating towel on the other side of the shower curtain, Wanda smiling with her eyes still closed. Y/N snatched the towel and dried herself off before changing into fresh clothes. Wanda helped brush through Y/N’s hair gently, careful to avoid putting too much pressure as she knew Y/N’s head still was sensitive.

—

Bucky sat with Steve in the training area of the facility, just getting done sparring with each other. It had been a good release for both of them from their anger over what had happened to Y/N. Bucky looks at Steve, “I lied to you before, Steve.”

Steve looked at him confused, “About what?” He questioned. Bucky never lied to Steve for as long as they knew each other. Bucky would always just dodge questions he didn’t want to answer, but never lie.

Bucky sighs, running his hand through his hair, “After Thanos. When you came back from returning the stones. You told me about how you wished you would’ve stayed back in time with Peggy, experience life with her but couldn’t do it because it felt selfish. You asked me if I would’ve done the same thing, go back and live a normal life in my own time.” He paused, looking at his vibranium hand before looking back to Steve, “I told you no. That was lie. If I had the opportunity, I would’ve been selfish. I would’ve gone back and kept the promise of that date to Y/N without even thinking about it. She would’ve been the one I went back for.” He said softly, imagining what it would’ve been like for himself and Y/N if he was able to go back in time and keep his promise to her. He wouldn’t have allowed her to be taken by Hydra, he would’ve protected her and had a long life showing nothing but love to Y/N.

Steve nodded at Bucky’s words. Everyday he realized more that the way he felt about Peggy, that undying love, was the same Bucky felt for his sister, “There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t think about Peggy. I wish everyday I would’ve taken that opportunity to go back and be with her.” He remembered, looking into the distance with his blue eyes as if he was day dreaming, before returning his look to Bucky, “You get the opportunity to try again with Y/N, though. You don’t have to go back.” He said, patting Bucky’s shoulder, “Just don’t screw it up.” Steve stood up to leave the training room, accepting the fact that whatever feelings Bucky and Y/N had for each other was something he needed to just step out of the way of.

“I won’t.” Bucky said with a small smile. Hearing that Steve seemed to finally be accepting of the feelings between him and Y/N made him happy, calm. He didn’t have to worry about what would happen to his friendship with Steve as he pursued his relationship with Y/N. He got himself up and followed Steve out, going to clean himself up before he went to see Y/N.

Bucky walks into his room after his shower, rubbing his hair with a towel to dry. He wore only black sweatpants and his dog tags, planning to change into something nicer before seeing Y/N. He shut the door behind him and turned to look in his room, pausing seeing Y/N’s red eyes staring back at him from his recliner. He smiled as he saw her sitting there, “What’re you doing in here, doll?” he asks, throwing the towel in a clothes hamper.

Y/N watched him enter the room, biting her bottom lip at the sight of his bare chest and his dog tags dangling. He looked perfect, like some sort of god. His words snapped her back to reality and she looked from his chest to his eyes, meeting his gaze, “I was looking for you.” She said, a smile crawling across her lips, “Is.. that your bed?” She ask, pointing at the blankets and pillows on the floor where an actual bed should be.

Bucky grinned as her saw her eyes flicker from his body to his face, wondering if that was want he saw in her eyes for a moment. He looked where pointed to his make shift bed, before looking back to her, “Uh, yeah. I guess I’m just used to sleeping on a harder surface.” He explained, walking past her to the closet and pulling a shirt out his closet, pulling it over his head. He watched Y/N look at his chest once more before it disappeared under the shirt, grinning again to himself, “What can I do for you, darlin?”

Y/N nodded as he spoke about his bed, watching him put his shirt on, shielding her view. Her eyes flickered back to his face, “I was just escaping Wanda’s watchful eye, she won’t even let me shower by myself yet.” She said with a sigh, “Which I appreciate her taking care of me, just sometimes she seems like a helicopter mom. A helicopter mom I love to bits.”

Bucky laughed at her analogy, secretly appreciating Wanda keeping an eye on Y/N. He knew as well she wasn’t fully healed and needed to take it easy for a little longer, “Well after what you went through, I don’t blame her. We all have been watching you, just her a little more closely.” He said with a smile, leaning against his desk as he crossed his arms, “How have you been since Alexei, you know, mentally?” He asks curiously. Her body had mostly healed, just leaving behind scars. But he knew better than anybody that the trauma can live in the mind for years.

Y/N gripped the arms of the recliner with her fingers for a moment as he asks, then brings her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs as she sat in the chair, wincing at the slight pain in her back from the movements, “I did what I had to do, but I still feel guilty even though it was kill or be killed.” She said softly, her eyes moving to look at the hardwood flooring, “There was a moment out there, where he had me by the neck against a tree after the crash, I closed my eyes. I wondered if I should just let that be it, let him just get it over with so Dimitri had no reason to come back to this facility.” The words passed her lips, looking over to Bucky for a moment to see a pained look on his face at his words. She continued, returning her gaze to the floor, “But then I thought of Steve. Of Wanda. And.. you.” Her eyes flickered back to his face, “I didn’t want last moments with any of you. I wanted more. I wanted to live a life with my brother in it, to watch all the dumb tv shows with Wanda and laugh. I wanted more moments with you.” She paused, taking a deep breath, “I wanted to be close to you again. So I fought, even though my body couldn’t take much, and I killed him.”

Bucky watched her closely, his face flushing over with sadness and pain for a moment as Y/N talked about giving up. Hearing that she wanted more moments with him and be close to him, he relaxed a little. He walked over, crouching down in front of her and placing both his hands around her legs that were secured to her chest, meeting her gaze, “I’m happy you made the decision to keep fighting for the things you want.” He said softly to her, lifting his right hand to touch her face which she turned into, accepting his touch, “As selfish as it may sound, I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t.” He pulled his hands away, reaching to his collar and lifting the dog-tags from his neck, removing them for the first time since he got them back. He gently placed them around Y/N’s neck, smiling at her again, “Just a reminder that I’m always here for you, always close to you.”

Y/N shook her head at his gift, “Bucky, these are yours. I can’t-“ She began to take them off to give them back, knowing it was an important object to him.

Bucky grabs her hands, stopping Y/N from removing them, “They are a symbol of my past life before I was the Winter Soldier.” He said softly, “And when I look at you, I realize you are my past, present, and future life. They belong to you.”

____________________________________________________________

TAGLIST: @vicmc624 @the-ayo-lit @daddysfavoritesexkitten @springsoulofengland @tcc-gizmachine @taina-eny @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @vivien-1211 @buckylove123

@subtlemalice @abitofeverythinggg @uwu-sebastianstan @nickangel13

Again, if I missed you on the taglist, I apologize! Just send me a message and I’ll sure to add you (:

[tadpole-san]

are we still friends? ;  d.g. part two pairing: titans!dick grayson x reader, on-and-off relationship warnings: dick being his therapy-needing titans self, slight canon divergence from titans 1x06, and an ending that may or may not lead to a part two a/n: i will never let go of my personal dick grayson grudge, but this exists solely because i love @capricorn-stark

The last time you had seen Dick Grayson, he’d outfitted himself with packed belongings and a one-way ticket to Detroit, Michigan. Seeing him off at the airport would turn out to be the last time you saw him for a year - a fact you hadn’t picked up on at the time, but did, in fact, predict. To a degree.

“You could come visit,” he’d offered, just steps away from his gate. “You - well, you said you had plans to go to Chicago, right? The drive’s not too bad.” It was hard to say no.

Because this was Dick Grayson, and he had to be so earnest about everything he did. Even when it was asking you to come see him as he was moving hundreds of miles away from Gotham (hundreds of miles away from you, a part of your mind whispered, even as you reminded yourself that this didn’t have anything to do with you so much as it had to do with his fractured relationship with Bruce). Because he was trying to make things work.

“How are you able to be friends with your exes?” you’d asked, bemused and flabbergasted all at once. It wasn’t the first time. “I really try to hate you, you know.” That got him to laugh - which was nice. You felt as though you hadn’t really smiled in a long time.

“Maybe that’s my superpower.”

“Your superpower is super annoying,” you’d deadpanned, before leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll see you around, Grayson.”

An empty promise neither of you acknowledged.

After that, it was all too easy to fall out of touch with Dick - one too many missed calls, excuses of taking more shifts at his police station when you were more than capable of keeping up with the news that spoke of a vigilant Robin without its bat, until eventually, total radio silence. And you were happy to leave it at that, knowing that whatever Dick was working through, he’d clearly rather do it on his own.

So when even the Robin sightings in Detroit stopped entirely, you didn’t push things. Maybe he’d finally done it: give up the costume for good, leave the life behind like he said he would do, but never actually committed to.

This was probably a sign. That you need to go see him, like you said you would do, but never committed to.

Which means that the last thing you expect, on your morning coffee run in Chicago, was to quite literally run into the man of the hour himself.

“Dick?” The word comes in a way that is akin to a strangled duck squawking.  You wonder if the man before you is real - if you’re not just imagining the figure that stands before you, cuts and bruises littering his face. As if he’s been in a fight.

With his track record, there probably was a fight. With him, there’s always the fight.

“Sup?” Dick’s not the one who answers you first. It’s the kid standing at his side, walking with a swagger that speaks volumes to the confidence of a kid who’s filling out the big boy shoes with his own ego. You try not to judge too much - there’s always a story behind a stance like his. “Jason Todd, at your service.”

A train passes on the overhead, the sound drawing you out of your thoughts. You realize his hand is still offered to you, and you shake it, still staring at Dick. He’s tense, shoulders drawn, hunched in on himself and bracing for a fight.

Something’s up. And with the Boy Wonder, it’s always something big, and possibly earth-shattering. Inwardly, you sigh. On the outside, you smile wryly and introduce yourself to Jason.

“You probably know who I am,” you say, letting go of Jason’s hand and stepping back. Your grip on your bag tightens. “Dick’s a big storyteller, once you get him going.” Dick verbally steps in before Jason can say anything to either confirm or deny your words.

“I could use your help.”

He doesn’t say we.

“I can see that,” you deadpan, motioning to his face. Your hand stops shy of actually touching the bruise blossoming against tanned skin. “A personal favor, then?” He turns his head away from you, and you spot the (quite frankly) atrocious brown car parked on the curb.

“That’s my ride.” He’s defensive, and you get the feeling that it isn’t about the car. You raise your hand in surrender, but he doesn’t relax - in a way, it’s nice to know that you’re probably not the reason he looks ready to pull a Flash and run as soon as the chance to do so opened up for him.

“You’re parked in front of my ride,” you reply, reaching into your bag and pulling the keys out. You let them twirl around your finger as you turn and walk towards your car, looking over your shoulder at him. “Am I going to need to make a stop at home to get the old suit out?” Somehow, that actually brings a smile to Dick’s face, and he ducks his head slightly as he chuckles.

“I just need you,” he calls out, finally pulling a hand out of his pockets and raising it in your direction to let you see the phone in his palm that’s open to your texts with him. There’s a new one that is likely the address of whatever safehouse he was holed up in.

You try not to linger on his words for too long.

“They’re hot,” you hear Jason say. It’s followed immediately by a yelp - presumably from Dick either elbowing him or punching his arm - and a “you’re way too young for that.” Despite yourself, you grin.

You’d missed him. Even if you weren’t going to admit it to his face.

When you finally make it to the address Dick sends you, he’s not even the one who lets you pass Bruce’s more-than-extensive security system. It’s Jason who does that.

Instead, you find Dick bent over the bathroom sink, the blade of a scalpel pressed to the skin of his arm. There’s also an unconscious body cuffed to the shower behind him, but you compartmentalize that for later.

“Are you okay?” At the sound of your voice, DIck freezes - like a deer caught in headlights - and looks up at you. You can see him visibly relax as he lets out a sigh that works to relieve some of the tension wound up in his body. You raise an eyebrow, and walk over to him.

“It’s not what you think,” he tells you, then uses the scalpel to motion towards the device discarded on the white porcelain. You pick it up, turning it over in your hands. “Bruce planted a tracker, in me, and I’m trying to-”

“Cut him out?” you finish, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Cut it out,” he corrects.

“I know what I said.” You watch through the mirror’s reflection as he finally makes the incision, thick red blood pouring down his arm and dripping into the sink. You’re already opening the cabinet to find gauze to wrap his arm with. “Let me see that-” The ringtone coming from the phone between you two cuts you off. You look at him. And then you look down at the screen. The name Kori flashes across it.

“New girlfriend?” you dare to ask, meeting his eyes in the mirror. Dick purses his lips, swiping a bloody thumb over the screen to deny the call before he’s reaching for the tweezers.

“No,” He grits his teeth, maneuvering the metal tweezers in the wound he made. “We just met,” Dick adds, meeting your eyes again. For his sake, you offer a tentative smile. He sighs, and finally retracts a tracker that resembles a battery watch. It falls into your open hand. You’re glad for the distraction, because - shit.

Those eyes.

Dick possesses what you swear is the most beautiful shade of eyes you’ve ever seen, and he models them beautifully. Those baby blues were always going to be your downfall, and seeing them had been enough for you to call in a precious sick day at work so you could help him out on whatever case brings him to Chicago. They’re the reason you have a case in your car trunk containing a suit you swore to leave in the closet.

They make you realize you can be so weak.

“I’m not dating right now,” Dick continues, filling in the space of your prolonged silence. He doesn’t take the gauze from your hand - even though he could - and instead, holds his arm out towards you so you can wrap it yourself. “Actually, I haven’t really seen anyone since I was with you.”

“I think that says less about what our relationship was, and more about you going full lone-wolf.” You hesitate to finish, and you keep a loose grip on his arm. His skin is warm. “The more you try to be the anti-Bruce, the more you’re becoming like him. You know that, right?” He’s not looking you in the eye anymore. Anger isn’t what drives him to do that, you think - it’s more like a combination of guilt, of the expression of a kid who thinks he’s a disappointment to the people leaning on him. People shouldn’t lean on a kid.

“I’m working on it.”

“I know.” Finally, you set the roll of gauze aside and release his arm. It allows you to take the chance to reach for him and make him look at you again. “And thank you,” you add. “For coming to see me.” He manages another smile, reaching up to cover your hand in his. You know what he would do if you were still dating. He would’ve pressed a kiss to your hand, and he would laugh it off, probably with some sort of cheeky quip. A I knew you missed me too much or I’d come by to see you any day.

You’re not dating anymore. And it’s confusing as hell, because sometimes it feels like you still are. On the rare days that he still calls you for no reason to tell you about a case from work he’s stuck on, or to remind you that you made a promise to see him, pairing it with a good tease about how seeing him in the new uniform would probably be too much for you. On those nights, Robin isn’t flying solo on the streets of Detroit.

“The lead brought me to Chicago,” he explains, tilting his head in the direction of the man lying in the shower.

“Is it a work case?”

“Not exactly. It’s-” you anticipate the familiar complicated. The word doesn’t come. “There’s a lot I need to update you on,” he settles on saying instead, running stained hands under the sink. “And if it’s Chicago, you’re going to be my number one. Right?”

“Right,” you agree, traces of amusement seeping into your tone as you cross your arms. “I called in sick at work,” you add. “Am I going to need to make up an excuse for the rest of the week?” The question, lighthearted as it’s supposed to be, holds weight to it that neither of you acknowledge.

“I’m probably going to be out of the state in a couple of days,” Dick says instead of answering, drying his hands off with a towel. He lets it drop in the sink, walking back out in the hallway with you. “You don’t need to - it’s a lot. And there’s these guys I’m kind of traveling with-”

“Dick.”

When he faces you, it’s your turn to shove hands in your pockets to avoid wringing them out in front of him. You take a deep breath, leaning back on your heels to look at him. “You didn’t need to find me,” you tell him. “That Jason kid? He wouldn’t be sticking around if he couldn’t be decent backup for this.”

“Are you detective-ing me out right now?” Dick’s actually trying not to laugh. You’re not sure if you should hit him or not.

“That’s not a word!”

“You know what I mean! And yes! I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with you!” By now, he’s actually laughing - and even if a part of you is annoyed, sure, there’s more of you that just feels relief. Because you can’t remember the last time he’d laughed like that, either, and it gives you a bit of hope.

Hope that the parts of him you fell in love with aren’t as lost as you thought.

“There’s a lot,” he admits, shifting his weight and trying to step back so he isn’t crowding you in the hall. “I know - the Bruce thing, you’re sick of that bullshit. I got a lot going on.” His phone starts up again, and this time, he pulls it out. The fluorescent light washes out his skin, but you can see his expression sober up. “I need to take this.” The traces of laughter in his voice are gone, and it feels like he’s slipping away again. There’s frustration that must show on your face, because he reaches out to you and moves a stray lock of hair out of your eyes in a silent apology.

“Go.” You manage not to sound as bitter as you feel - and with him, it’s not a bitterness that’s always there, but it inevitably creeps up on you. The same way the shadow of a bat hangs over him. Dick nods, and you start to walk away when he grabs your wrist again.

“You aren’t my backup for this,” he says firmly, and you know you’re fucked. Because he’s looking at you with those eyes, and it’s like you’re in that airport with him all over again, with nothing but empty promises and a broken relationship the two of you are hanging onto by a thread. “You’re-” he falters. He hesitates, and you’re ready to watch Dick Grayson walk away from you again.

“You’re everything.”

DC Taglist:

@cipheress-to-k-pop

[roman-writing]

bring home a haunting (7/10)

Fandom: The Haunting of Bly Manor

Pairing: Dani Clayton/Jamie Taylor

Rating: M

Wordcount: 36,959

Summary: Dani almost has her life together, when a familiar face arrives back in town after ten years. A childhood friends AU written with @youngbloodbuzz

Author notes: listen....we really meant it when we tagged this as comphet

read it below or read it on AO3 here

The desk did not fit. At least, not the way it should have. The first floor guest bedroom had the space, but everything about the desk's presence there felt off. It was the wrong colour, too golden-hued. It was the wrong shape. A corner desk would have suited better. It was the wrong size. Slightly too large, crowding the bed and the chest of drawers. In fact, the only thing that seemed right about it at all was the way Dani felt when she sat at it, when she sprawled her things atop it. When she sank down into the mismatched wooden chair with a sigh at the end of a long day. When she placed her bag on the ground, leaning against one of its legs. There was, finally, enough space for her to spread out, to do her work, to feel unimpeded by utensils or plates.

There was a knock at the open door behind her, and Dani turned around to see Eddie standing in the doorway, knuckles resting against the white-painted wooden surface. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah," she said, just as she'd told him time and time again over the last few weeks. "Of course. You don't need to keep asking me."

Even with permission, he lingered on the threshold, as though his shoulders were too broad to pass through the door frame. "Just feels weird," he said. "You being in here."

It should have felt considerate, but somehow all Dani could feel was a prickle of annoyance. She pushed it aside, swallowing down the unflagging suspicion that this was just some passive aggressive tactic aimed at her. Sometimes she wondered if that was all she ever saw because that was all she had ever been trained to see. Her mother's hand reaching through space and time to ring a bell in place of food.

Dani turned back around and straightened a few stacks of papers for wont of something to do with her hands rather than delve too deeply into that rabbit hole. "Did you need something?"

Behind her Eddie sounded puzzled. "Why? Do I have to need something to talk to you?"

J ust a question, she told herself, taking a deep breath to steady herself. Just an honest question.

"No, of course not. I was just -" Dani gave a helpless little wave of one hand, then set down the papers with a sigh. She forced a bright smile onto her face and aimed it over her shoulder towards him. "What can I do for you?"

He stepped forward, finally crossing into her space, and it were as though the entire room shrank down around him until he seemed too large. The spare bed and the drawers and the desk and the chair and Dani — always Dani — dwindled into fixtures for dollhouses. "I just wanted to know if you needed some help packing," Eddie said. "I saw your bags out in the foyer, and I thought you might want a hand. So," he gestured to himself, "here I am."

Her smile relaxed somewhat. "Thank you, but I think I have everything."

"You sure? I think we have a spare tent in the garage, if you want me to check?"

"It's fine," Dani told him, and she took a step forward to place a grateful hand on his arm. "Really. Thank you."

His answering smile was fleeting. There and gone again in an instant. "So, you're gone the whole three days?"

Dani nodded and let her hand drop back to her side. "Yeah. It's just a quick camp a few hours north and then we're back on Monday afternoon. I've set aside some leftovers in the fridge for tonight, but you might want to go over to your mom's house for the other day. Or maybe you and Carson can go out."

At this, Eddie rolled his eyes. "I can feed myself, Danielle."

"I know that," she said.

His expression was thoughtful and then he asked, "Which leftovers?"

"Pot roast."

"You really do love me," he quipped, grinning.

Dani laughed. "Of course, I do." She turned back to her desk. "I just need to finish up some parent/guardian forms, and then I'm off."

It felt odd moving about this room with Eddie here. She could feel eyes following her every motion. The tuck of hair behind her ear. The opening of a drawer to fish for spare pens.

Eddie sat on the edge of the guest bed and the mattress creaked beneath his weight, sagging slightly. "Is Hannah still scratching around for volunteers?"

"Oh, you know her," Dani said in a distracted manner as she leaned over and jotted a few notes down on a form. "She's always looking for volunteers for these things."

"Why didn't you ask me?"

Blinking, Dani paused. She leaned her weight upon one hand, palm splayed out across the desk, and frowned over her shoulder. "What?"

"Why didn't you ask if I wanted to come help?"

"Well, I -" Dani fumbled for an answer. She fiddled with the pen in her spare hand, tried to write something, then gave up and said,  "I think there were limited spaces on the camp grounds this time around. And, besides, it's usually for parents or guardians. Which - you know - you're not."

"Maybe not now," Eddie said, shrugging. "But I'd like to be soon."

She froze, going stock still, forgetting to breathe. The mattress gave a creak of complaint behind her as Eddie shifted his weight and for a brief wild moment Dani was afraid he had risen to his feet and was going to approach her, touch her gently on the bowed line of her back. She gripped the pen so tightly in her hand she could see the sharp outline of her knuckles beneath skin. Setting the pen down, Dani straightened, back ramrod straight and turned around. She did not consciously move back — away from the bed, away from him — but she could feel the edge of the desk pressing into the jut of her hip as she faced him.

"You know I'm not -" Dani cleared her throat, looking anywhere but directly at him, focusing instead on the pattern of the duvet cover. "It's not a good time."

"Don't you want kids?" he asked, and his voice was softly curious. Somehow that was worse than yelling.

Dani's mouth worked but no sound came out. "I want -" she said, "- to want them."

"What does that mean?"

"It - well, I mean - I -" It was a struggle to take a deep breath, as though the passageways of her lungs were tight and constricted. "I think we should wait. Until we're married at least. Before we have this conversation."

She could see him nodding from the edge of her vision, a slightly blurred figure with dark hair and glasses that were streaks of reflected morning sunlight that streamed through the windows. "Yeah. Of course," Eddie said. "Whenever you're ready. It doesn't have to be now."

She did not reply. Her hands were twisting themselves together behind her back. She could feel her palms sweating, going cold.

Eddie stood, taking a hesitant step closer. "Did I upset you?"

With a nervous breathy laugh, Dani shook her head. "No," she lied. "No, of course not. I just wasn't expecting it. That's all."

"All right," he said, stopping less than a pace away so he could place his broad hands gently on her shoulders. "I'm sorry if this was - if I blindsided you, or something. I thought I'd signposted it pretty early, to be honest."

"You did."

And he had. Eddie's wants and desires were always clear. He did not employ the oblique tactics that Dani was so accustomed to. The social contract he offered had always been upfront. Like a hand reaching out. An offering. A choice. One she could have disregarded from the very beginning.

If only it were that simple.

Dani touched his elbows and tried her best to smile. "I might head off a bit early. I need to go over the schedule with Hannah. You know. Make sure everything's okay before we leave."

"Yeah, sure." Eddie lowered his hands but only after he had leaned forward for a quick peck to her forehead. "And remember to have fun too, all right?"

"I will."

Ducking her head, Dani slipped from the room. She did not stop walking until she had put on her shoes in the entryway and picked up her packed bags. She did not remember to breathe properly until she was fumbling for her keys and jamming everything into the trunk of her station wagon, until she was sitting in the driver's seat and gripping the steering wheel. Eddie had trailed behind her through the house and now stood at the front door. He squinted in the early morning sunlight, lifting his hand to give her a wave.

Dani exhaled the breath she had been holding in one long thread expelled from her lungs. She turned the key in the ignition and was relieved when the engine in her dying old car actually coughed to life without coaxing. Putting it into reverse, she pulled back from the house and drove away.

Faintly, she recalled that she'd told Eddie she would meet with Hannah, but at the first stop sign Dani's hand automatically drifted towards the indicator, pushing up to the right instead of pulling down to the left. The car seemed to drive itself, requiring no input from her, until it had carried her across town, away from the school, and onto the street where Jamie lived. When she parked and turned off the engine, Dani did not immediately open the door and instead stayed put, staring through the windows at the house. The front lawn was tidy. New rose bushes had been planted all along the walkway just a week prior. By some miracle, Jamie had found the time to replace the faded old numbers on the side of the house with shiny bronze ones that gleamed.

Just a house on a street, Dani thought. Like any house on any street.

Dani left her bags in the car. She didn't even bother locking it — North Liberty hadn't seen a robbery in seven years, and the last time the perpetrator was a student who'd been caught and reprimanded within a day. Striding up to the front door, Dani hesitated there. She tried to convince herself that this was stupid. That she should just leave, go talk to Hannah like she'd said, not be a liar. At one point she turned around, took a step towards her car, then shook her head and stormed back towards the front door and knocked on it.

Footsteps down the hall, and then Jamie was standing in the doorway wearing nothing but a ratty old band t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants with a hole at one knee. Over the course of the last few weeks since the library visit, Dani had hoped beyond measure that she would grow accustomed to the idea of being attracted to Jamie. That the notion would lose its polish the longer she mulled over it. Instead, it seemed to buff into a mirror shine. Until even the sight of Jamie's hair pulled hastily back from her face, stray curl over the arc of her ear, was enough to distract Dani utterly.

Jamie smiled, puzzled. "Hey," she said. "Didn't expect you at - what time even is it?"

Dani's arms were wrapped tightly around her midsection. She peeled one of them back to check her wristwatch. "Um -? Seven thirty?"

"Are we late?" Jamie asked, sending a puzzled glance over Dani's shoulder, as though there might be a bus waiting for them on the street.

Dani shook her head. "No. Everyone's still meeting at the school at nine. I just -" she tried to think of some excuse — what was it she'd told Eddie? something about schedules — but all that came out was, "- wanted to be here."

Apparently that was enough. Jamie stood back already waving her inside. "Come on in, then. We'll have time for breakfast before we bail."

"Thanks," Dani said and she stepped inside.

It wasn't the first time she had been in Jamie's house since the library, but the weekly visits had slowed somewhat. Dani had actually found herself at church for the first time in what felt like months since Jamie's arrival back in town. Certainly people expressed their surprise upon seeing her there. But always inevitably she would seem to wend her way back here at the end of the day. Food in tremulous hand. Waiting to be invited in like a lost traveler seeking shelter from the elements.

The hinges creaked as Jamie closed the door behind them. Jamie frowned at the door frame. "Thought I'd fixed that bit of rust a few weeks ago. Bloody thing. Mikey!" she raised her voice and made her way further inside. "Put on the kettle!"

Footsteps down the stairs and Mikey rounded the corner into view. "Yeah, yeah," he grumbled. "Stop yelling - Oh. Hi, Dani."

Dani waved, short and quick. "Good morning."

"Are we late?" he asked.

"No," said Jamie. "Now, go on and put on the kettle."

He rolled his eyes and wandered off towards the kitchen. "God, you're grumpy before you've eaten."

"Then put on some toast while you’re at it!" she called after him.

"All right. All right. Geeze."

Nothing had changed. Dani glanced around, took quick inventory of the space. Everything was exactly as it had been before. The faded blue sofa. The freshly painted walls. The carpet in need of replacement. And yet -

"Everything all right, Poppins?"

Dani jerked at the sound of Jamie's voice suddenly nearer to her than before. She turned to find Jamie watching her closely, a slight furrow to her brow. "Yeah," said Dani, trying to force a chipper note into her words. "Everything's great. Why?"

"Well," Jamie scratched at the back of her neck, "You look like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I'm wondering what's caused it."

Dani tried to smile, to laugh it off, but the laugh came out in a single breathy exhalation that quickly faded on the air. "There's nothing. I'm fine."

Jamie lifted an incredulous eyebrow. "Karen giving you trouble again?"

"No. No, she's behaving."

"Doesn't sound like her," Jamie muttered.

It would have been easy to throw her mother under the bus. Jamie would have believed it — and with just cause. Instead Dani's eyes darted towards the kitchen, and she lowered her voice slightly. "It's just," she cleared her throat. "People on Sunday morning asking me and Eddie all sorts of questions about - you know -"

"Getting hitched," Jamie supplied helpfully.

"Yeah. And -" She trailed off, teeth clamping shut around the words.

"And?" Jamie said slowly, encouragingly.

Shifting her weight and studying her feet, Dani said, "Kids."

Jamie made an understanding noise. "People are nosy fuckers round here, aren't they?"

That made Dani laugh. She looked up, biting her lower lip to keep a fully-fledged smile at bay. Jamie was grinning at her, but her expression softened when she said, "Listen. Fuck 'em. What goes on between you and yours is none of anyone else's business. You don't owe anyone anything. Especially not answers to questions about when you're going to be pushing out a few bairns."

Dani nodded along, but replied, "It's not that I don't like kids, or anything."

“Didn’t say otherwise. And if you didn't, then you'd be in the wrong profession."

"Probably," Dani said dryly. "It's easier, is all. When they're not yours. And every time I think about being alone in a house with a newborn baby, I just -" She trailed off, making a helpless gesture with one hand.

"Have you spoken to Ed about this?"

"Yeah."

"And?" Jamie repeated.

Dani gave a shrug.

"Shouldn't he be running interference for you? Telling people to piss off and mind their own business?"

"He does. In his own way. But it’s all - it’s very -" Dani swallowed past a burr in her throat, holding the words back. How could she say it aloud? That having a child was just another bar on the cage? People like her didn’t say that. People like her were supposed to be gushing over florals and dresses for the big day. She should have picked a venue by now. She should have made a guest list by now. She should have felt something by now. 

"Hey."

She tensed when she felt Jamie's hand on her arm, but did not move away. It shouldn't have been possible for Jamie to be half as kind, when Dani had done nothing but barge into her house unannounced at an ungodly hour, when Dani had done nothing but complain in her foyer before they could even make it to polite talk over cups of tea and slices of toast. Yet here she stood, gently grasping Dani's arm with warm fingers, looking at her as if Dani'd hung the moon on a chain.

"We honestly don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," said Jamie. "But trust me: having a kid? Completely overrated."

In spite of herself, Dani smiled, shaking her head.

"No, I mean it," Jamie continued. "They're noisy. They're smelly. They're annoying. They make a hell of a mess. And — fuck me — they're expensive."

"That's different. Mikey's different."

"Don't see how. But, hey -" Jamie winked and indicated back towards the kitchen with a jerk of her head. "If it's easier when they're not yours, then you're welcome to come boss this one around whenever you like. Better yet, get good old Ed to come 'round. He won't be making noise about having kids after a weekend of that."

"How very thoughtful of you," Dani said.

"I'm serious. Get this kid out of my hair. Please. I'm begging of you."

Jamie had taken both her hands now, imploring. Dani chuckled, twining their fingers together. They stood close enough that she could clearly see the scar at Jamie's lip even in the indirect light of the entryway. The callouses on Jamie's hands were rough, but her grin was soft. Dani tried to remember to breathe, but found she couldn't when faced with the graze of Jamie's fingertips at the undersides of her wrists.

"Are you two going to hold hands all morning, or do you actually want tea?"

Dani jerked her hands away. Mikey was standing in the door leading to the kitchen, looking exasperated. 

Jamie turned around with a roll of her eyes. "I don't smell burnt toast," she said. "So either you finally figured out what setting to put the toaster at, or you haven't made any."

"I worked out that setting weeks ago."

"Sure you did, Einstein."

Indignant, Mikey stomped back into the kitchen and re-emerged with a plate of toast piled up high as proof.

Jamie reached out, grabbed a piece of toast and stuck one of the corners into her mouth for a bite. "Cheers, mate," she said around a mouthful.

Dani watched the slow realization dawn on Mikey's face that he'd been tricked into bringing out breakfast. His face crumpled up in sheer annoyance.

"God, you're so -!" he started to say, but stopped.

Jamie waited for him to finish his sentence. When he didn't, she gestured with the toast and looked disappointed. "What? That's it? Weak."

"You can pour your own tea," he grumbled and then slouched right back into the kitchen.

"At least leave the plate!" Jamie called out but even as she spoke she trailed after him, pausing to glance over her shoulder at Dani. "You hungry?"

Dani's stomach was still roiling, but she nodded and forced a smile into place. "I could eat."

"Well, c'mon then. You know where everything is."

Straightening her shoulders, Dani followed. She could do this, she told herself. It was just a weekend. It was just Jamie. And the kids would be there. She would have work; she would be too busy to think about — anything silly. It would be over before she even realised it, and she would return wondering why she had even spent the last few weeks panicking.

She could handle this.

--

She could not handle this.

"I'm sorry," said Dani, blinking rapidly and lifting her hand to shield her eyes from the glare of sunlight. "Can you repeat that? I don't think I heard you properly."

The air was muggy and thick with the buzzing of flies. Late afternoon sunlight streamed over the tops of an endless canopy of pine trees, slanting shadows across the large clearing in which the camp grounds and their assorted buildings were situated. The faded school buses had long since unloaded and were now pulling away with a tell-tale gasp of the doors sliding shut. Kids milled about, overly excited to be free after four hours of being cooped up in buses.

It was loud. And warm. And in her haste to leave the house this morning Dani had forgotten her hat.

"Well, the bunks are all full," Hannah said, pointing towards a few of the timber buildings with her clipboard. "And it appears that we forgot to load all the tents into the buses this morning. Though, I was sure I'd counted them twice." Hannah frowned down at the clipboard, lifting a page delicately to see the checklist.

Dani nodded, trying to get a better look at the clipboard's notes. "No, I got that. But - you said something about sharing? You mean one of the rooms, right?"

Hannah let the page drift back down and clasped the clipboard to her chest. She aimed an apologetic grimace at Dani. "I'm afraid the bunks are for the children, and the rooms are for camp staff. Teachers, parents, and guardians were supposed to each have their own tent, but -" she shrugged helplessly. "- needs must."

"Right," Dani said, faintly. "You - uh - you also mentioned -" She slapped absently at a mosquito that landed on her arm. "- Jamie?"

"I had assumed that because you and Miss Taylor are friends, you wouldn't mind doubling up. Most of the adults seem to have paired off already. Although," Hannah glanced around, looking thoughtful. "I do believe Mrs. Pullman's tent is still available, if you'd like me to ask her?"

Dani made an abortive motion to stop Hannah and said quickly, "No! I mean -" she cleared her throat and continued in a lower tone, "I wouldn't want to put Jackie out."

Indeed, the only thing worse than sharing a tent with Jamie would be having to share a tent with Jackie Pullman. And Hell would freeze over before Jackie let Jamie share a tent with her.

Briefly, Dani entertained the idea of high-tailing it all the way back to civilization by herself and hitch-hiking to North Liberty. Blisters on her feet and the possibility of poor conversation with her future axe murderer would be a low price to pay in exchange. She had started chewing on the skin of her thumb before she could even realize it, and only stopped when she felt a gentle hand on her elbow.

"I do apologize for the oversight," Hannah said. "If it makes you feel any better, it appears I will be the one saddled with Mrs. Pullman."

"Oh, Hannah. You really are a martyr."

"Don't let my suffering be in vain," Hannah said under her breath, sharing a wicked little smile with her. Her eyes drifted to a spot over Dani's shoulder, and her expression hardened. "No, Mr. Loving! We discussed this! The bonfire isn't starting until sunset!"

And with one last harried look shared with Dani, Hannah was striding off, chastening a small group of kids who had gathered around the unlit fire pit in the hope that they might be able to indulge in some early afternoon arson.

Dani stood there, unsure of what to do with herself. All her bags were still at her feet. She chewed at her lower lip and wished she had let Eddie dig out that old tent from the garage earlier this morning. Then, she sighed and picked up her things. Slinging a bag over her shoulder, she put her rolled up sleeping bag and mat beneath her arms.  

It did not take long to find the nearby tent grounds. A flat space had been cleared of rocks and branches by staff, and was now filled with pairs of adults bickering over how best to erect a tent. Some recognized her as she passed, lifting their hands for a wave of acknowledgement before returning to their tasks. Most were  too wrapped up in their efforts to take any notice of her presence. And one or two had already succeeded, and were chatting amiably with their neighbors.

Dani drifted between the rows until she saw a familiar figure bent over double. Jamie was squatting down on her haunches, neatly arraying a deflated tent along the ground as though it were a sheet. Long thin poles had already been assembled and were awaiting further use.

Dani's steps had slowed as she approached. Jamie's head was bowed as she worked; she hadn't noticed Dani yet. A flannel shirt had been rolled up Jamie's forearms. The hem of the shirt draped along Jamie's bare legs, and Dani found herself tracing the length of Jamie's bare thighs with her eyes — surely those shorts weren't suitable for hiking or whatever activities usually happened at camp grounds; far too short, far far too short — until she swallowed and jerked her gaze up sharply towards the distant treeline.

Steeling herself with a shake of her head, Dani stopped behind her and said, "It looks like you have everything all under control over here."

Jamie put a few finishing touches on the tent as she answered, "Could still use a hand, if you're offering."

Dani nodded before she realized that Jamie couldn't see it. Then she set down her bags. "Where do you want me?"

Jamie waved towards the corner of the tent angled directly across from her. "On that side? I'm going to thread this thing through to you."

It was a relief, having something to do other than stand idly by. Something she could concentrate on besides the distracting strands of hair that had escaped the bandana tied around Jamie's head. Together they had the tent up in no time. No bickering necessary. Though Jamie did wince in sympathy when Dani accidentally whacked her own finger with a small mallet while ramming pegs into the ground to hold the tent down.

"You all right, there?" Jamie reached for Dani's hand.

Jerking her hand back, Dani stuck her injured finger into her mouth. "Fine," she mumbled around it.

Because of course she had looked up mid swing right when Jamie was standing to stretch, hands on her lower back, eyes closed and groaning faintly from crouching over for so long.

"Pass that over, then," Jamie said with a gesture towards the mallet.

Dani did so, careful so that their hands did not brush. Jamie made quick work of the last tent peg and soon she was unzipping the entrance and pushing the flap aside.

"Right or left?"

Clutching her bags to her chest, Dani said, "Uh - left?"

They set up their sleeping bags side by side. Dani was quietly horrified at just how close. There was barely enough room in the tent for their bags to line the base along the flimsy plastic canvas walls. At most they had a fistful of space between their sleeping arrangements, and she watched Jamie kneel on her sleeping bag and fluff up a pillow with a warm sinking feeling in her gut.

"You were just saying you missed sleep overs," Jamie said, grinning impishly over her shoulder. "This counts, doesn't it?"

"Mmm," Dani said with a wordless nod, chewing at her lower lip.

"Don't suppose you brought a saucy book? For old time's sake."

"I can't say I have," Dani said.

Jamie tutted. "Shame."

Dani was staring now. She was staring and Jamie was flopping down atop her sleeping bag, sprawled and spread-eagled with a sigh towards the arched ceiling of their tent. Swallowing thickly, Dani gave her head a little shake and tried to stand too quickly. Her head hit the top of the tent. Immediately she ducked back down, shoulders hunched, hands restless, trying to look everywhere but at Jamie, who was staring up at her in confusion.

"Excuse me," said Dani, settling her hands at her hips only to clench them at her sides. "I'm going to check in with Hannah and see if she needs any help."

Without waiting for a reply, she clambered gracelessly from the tent. As Dani fumbled to put her shoes back on outside, she heard Jamie's voice call after her, "See you at the bonfire, yeah?"

"Yeah! See you!" Dani replied, hoping beyond hope that her voice didn't carry a forced cheer and wincing when it inevitably did.

She strode off without a backward glance, eyes glued to the ground until she had passed the line of tents adjoining the main clearing. There, the small handful of camp counselors had begun wrangling kids into group activities. Several parents, too, had been roped into coming along to ensure that no one counselor was left with too many children to handle.

Hannah stood out like a rose amongst thorns, dressed all in regal reds and browns. She directed events around her as easily as a stone directed the flow of water. When Dani approached, she lit up with a warm smile. "All settled?"

"Yeah. All -" Dani waved back the way she'd come without looking around. "All good. What can I do to help?"

"Always eager. That's one of the things I like about you." Hannah said, then addressed her omnipresent clipboard. "There's a painting group just 'round the tables there, if you're keen. Otherwise, I have Mr. Dudley taking the kids on a small trek to the lake and back."

"The lake," said Dani quickly. "I'll go on the hike."

Anything to get away. Just for a while. Just to clear her head.

Hannah cast a quick glance down at her tennis shoes. "Are you going to be all right in those, dear?"

"Why? Are there many hills?"

"We are still in Iowa," Hannah said dryly. "So, no. And fair point. I believe you can catch the group at that old stump. The one at the front of the property? We would've driven by it on the way in."

Already nodding and starting to walk away, Dani assured her, "I know it. Thank you!"

"Take some sunscreen!" Hannah called after her, using the side of the clipboard by her mouth like a megaphone. "And a hat!"

But Dani was already trotting along, eager to be away. She barely managed to catch Mr. Dudley and the counselor leading the group of kids away like Pied Pipers through the trees. She had to jog to catch up to the tail end of the group and introduce herself to the counselor with a shake of her hand and a too-broad smile. Behind her the campgrounds dwindled behind the ever thickening boughs of trees closing in around them, until the world narrowed down to a warren of pine needles and dappled sunlight.

The lake was not far and it was far smaller than Dani had anticipated. When they arrived, several kids went sprinting ahead. Dani and the counselor had to dart forward and grab a few to keep them from splashing headlong off the small dock and into the water. Arms full of squirming eight year old, Dani swung the kid around by his torso until he laughed. She placed him back on the dock and off he went, dashing back to the others. The counselor hadn't been so lucky and was busy fishing another boy from the water with stern words.

"Swimming is tomorrow! Please! Out of the water!"

"Matthew!" Dani said, her tone warning. "Don't make me get your mother!"

The threat of parental involvement was enough and Matthew scrambled back onto the dock, dripping wet. The counselor mouthed a silent 'thank you' at Dani, who shrugged.

By the time they returned, dusk was washing lavender across the land. Several bonfires had been lit around the main campgrounds, casting their sparks into the sky as camp staff and teachers alike hauled spare wood and supplies closer to hand. Most of the parents were keeping kids occupied until the fires were ready for them. Dani's eyes cast about in search of a familiar head of dark curls, but instead she found Hannah sitting at a table full of camping equipment.

"I told you to wear sunscreen," Hannah sighed and shook her head with exasperation. "Honestly."

Dani lifted a hand to her cheek, pressing warm fingers to the skin there. "Oh, no. Is it really bad?"

Hannah grimaced. "I've seen worse. Luckily, we did not leave aloe vera behind. You'll need it."

"Sorry." Dani lowered her hand. "Anything I can do to make it up to you?"

Hannah gave a huff of laughter. "You're almost as bad as that new baker in town." Then she nodded towards one of the buildings. "Can you help bring in some of the ingredients for s'mores from the kitchens? I've no idea what those are, but I've been told they involve a great deal of sugar, so at least the kids will crash later."

"You've never had s'mores?"

"Very American."

"Huh," Dani said. "All right. I'll be back."

She turned to leave, but paused when she heard Hannah say, "Miss Clayton. A moment." And when she glanced back around Hannah was holding out a broad-brimmed straw hat towards her.

"Here."

"Oh," Dani hesitated to take it. "Is this yours?"

"One of the counselor's," Hannah explained and she shook it gently. "Don't worry. It's a spare. You're not putting anybody out."

Dani took it and tugged it over her head. "Thank you."

Hannah smiled. "Off you hop, now."

Tucking a few flyaways beneath the brim, Dani started towards the kitchens. As she rounded the corner, she nearly ran flat out into Jackie Pullman. The two of them repelled from each other like a pair of magnets. Jackie barely spared her a glance and a murmured, "Danielle," before she was striding briskly towards one of the campfires. Dani frowned after her in puzzlement. Then, shaking her head, she continued on, pulling open the creaking back door to the kitchens.

She was greeted with the sound of clanging pots and pans, cupboards being rapidly opened and shut. Slowly, Dani let the door close behind her. She stared at Jamie's back as Jamie, shoulders tense, slammed a lid down on a pot larger than her torso.

"Fucking hell, Jackie, give it up. I told you: I won't -" Jamie turned around and froze in place. "Oh. It's you."

Lifting her hand in a small wave, Dani said, "Hi. You - uh - looking for something?"

Jamie cleared her throat. "Yeah. A key. For -" She pointed towards a set of stainless steel doors that were locked with a chain and led to a walk-in refrigerator that could have fit a small slaughterhouse. "Some moron thought it was a great idea to put all the chocolate in there so it wouldn't melt, but failed to put the key back on its ring."

There were a series of hooks on the wall near the door, from which all manner of keys dangled. "Have you tried all of these?" Dani asked.

"Yup," said Jamie. She crouched down, returning to her search by way of opening a set of cupboards beneath a workstation. "None of them work."

"Okay," Dani murmured thoughtfully. Hands on her hips, she glanced around and began to join the search. She was patting down the top of a high shelf by the door, stretching up on her toes to reach, when she asked, "What did Jackie want?"

Behind her she could hear Jamie slam the cupboards shut. "Who cares?"

"Is she still bothering you?" Dani asked incredulously. "It's been years. I'm surprised she even remembers your name."

For some reason that was funny for Jamie let loose a bark of laughter. "No. She's not bothering me. Just wanting to buy my silence."

Brow furrowing, Dani's hand curled around something small and metallic. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Let's just say I know some unflattering things from our high school days, and leave it at that."

"So much for there being no secrets in this town," Dani said. She sank back down to her heels. "I found the key, by the way."

Jamie whirled around. "What? Bullshit. Already?"

Dani held up the key as proof.

"Fuck's sake," Jamie grumbled. "I've been looking for ages, and of course you just waltz in and stumble across it. Where was it?"

Dani gestured towards the high shelf nearest the exit. "I figured maybe someone tall might have left it somewhere on their way out. And, well, that seemed like the logical place."

"How?" Jamie asked, looking flabbergasted. "How is that logical?"

Dani shrugged. "I've lived with tall guys for a long time, I guess."

Slowly Jamie deflated. She raked a hand through her hair, taking off her bandana as she went and stuffing it into her pocket. "Aye. Fair enough. Let's get this thing open, then. Shall we?"

A few steps. A turn of the key in the lock. The chain fell away like a serpent wrapped around the barred handles, and Dani pulled the doors open. They were greeted with a wall of cool air. Among the stockpiles of food for the weekend were stacks of chocolate bars in their tell-tale brown wrapping. Dani grabbed as much as she could, piling up with chocolate and bags of marshmallows until they were perched precariously in her arms.

"All right," she said, starting towards the exit. "If you grab the boxes of graham crackers, can you get the doors for me?"

"On it."

True to her word, Jamie did exactly that. This time when they left, Jamie put the refrigerator key back on its proper hook, pointed at it sternly as though it might go running off, then grabbed the door with her free hand. Dani walked through, peering carefully around the items in her arms so that she didn't trip. And though there was nothing in her path, she felt something tug hard at one ankle and she stopped before she could trip.

"What -?" She tried to get a decent look at her feet, but couldn't see properly.

"Untied shoelace," Jamie said, coming up alongside her. "Here. I'll get it."

"It's fine. You don't have to -"

But Jamie was already setting down her haul of graham crackers. When Jamie knelt at her feet, Dani went rigid, her spine stiff and straight. Eyes wide, she looked down. From this angle she could just make out the bob of Jamie's head as Jamie tied her shoe. Dani held her breath and tried not to imagine threading her fingers through dark curls as Jamie glanced up at her with a crooked smirk and a dangerous glint in her gaze.

"All done." Jamie gathered everything off the ground and rose to her feet. "That should tide you over."

"Mmm," Dani hummed and gave a wordless nod. She looked anywhere but at Jamie, shifting her grip upon the items in her arms. "The - The kids are probably going nuts without this stuff. Did they even have time for dinner?"

"Late lunch seemed to tide them over. They'll have a big breakfast tomorrow as well, I imagine."

They walked and soon they were distributing various items out to all the groups, each campfire sequestered off like chambers of an organ. The sky still held a tell-tale hint of dusk, but it was swiftly fading upon the horizon. Soon only fire pits and handheld flashlights and a crescent moon parted the gloom.

Jamie joined her in monitoring a group of kids around one of the fires. She kept them amused while Dani spent her time quelling mischief and keeping an eight year old from singing his jeans in the fire when he knelt down to try and rescue a marshmallow lost to the embers. Hannah watched this with an air of quiet amusement, seated on a log beside Jamie, slowly roasting a marshmallow a golden hue.

"Did you know," one of the camp counselors said in a hushed voice, "that these very grounds are haunted?"

That caused an immediate hush to fall and a group of breathlessly curious young faces turned to look at him.

"Ghosts aren't real," said one girl.

The counselor chuckled darkly. "Is that so? Then you won't mind if I tell you all the story?"

It was, by and large, a silly story. Dani found herself rolling her eyes more than once as he hammed it up for the children, making them gasp and recoil and even laugh. By the end he was feeding them some nonsense about how this was a cautionary tale and to always keep one eye open at night. Dani and Hannah clapped politely when he had finished, and he stood to give a theatrical bow, ignoring the bits of marshmallow thrown at him by the kids with their chorus of giggles.

"Another!" one of the kids yelled.

"Yeah! Another!"

"All right. That's enough, now," Hannah admonished calmly. "Let the man enjoy his s'mores as well."

"I have a story."

The words were quiet, but everyone stopped to listen, turning towards Jamie, who had remained removed from the general kerfuffle at Hannah's side.

"Only," she continued, her voice soft and grave. "It's not my story. And it's quite long."

A questioning look towards Hannah, who shrugged and made an expansive gesture for Jamie to take the stage. Jamie stayed put. She idly rubbed a stick between her palms, something she had picked up off the floor earlier and had been using as a skewer. Elbows on her knees, her face was illuminated by the flickering glow of the fire, her eyes bright and dark all at once in the night.

Dani sat on an adjacent log, utterly entranced by the movement of light across Jamie's face. And she was not the only one, it seemed. All eyes were upon Jamie as she spun up her tale. Her accent was as brisk as the crackle and pop of the flames, branches of blackened wood slipping against one another and slumping in a cascade of sparks at just the right moment. There was no laughter in Jamie's ghost story. Only a breathless anticipation for the end. Until, at last, it was time for the students to go to bed.

"Isn't she going to finish it?" one of them asked. None of the kids had moved from their spots. They hung off Jamie's every word, wide-eyed.

Jamie winked. "Maybe tomorrow, if you're very good, I'll tell you more."

Another piped up, "But what's the ending? Can you just skip the scary stuff and give us the ending?"

Jamie leaned back, casting the stick into the fire. "Can't. There isn't one. She's still beneath those waters, you see. And every night, she wakes. She walks. She sleeps."

A profound silence followed this statement, broken only by the dying crackle of the fire and the footsteps of the other groups of kids making their way towards their cabins.

"Let's get you all to bed," Dani interrupted. She stood and clapped her hands together, making her voice as cheery as possible, "Let's go, everyone! Follow your counselor! Don't wander off!"

"You're going to give them nightmares," Hannah chided under her breath as the kids all grumbled and went off into the night.

"Ah, they'll be fine," Jamie said. "You give them too little credit."

"Miss Clayton. Weigh in. Too scary? Or not?"

Blinking, Dani turned to find them both watching her over the fire. Their figures were blurred slightly through smoke and spark and heat haze. "Well," she said. "I think kids are more resilient than we sometimes expect."

Jamie looked at Hannah and pointed triumphantly in Dani's direction.

"But -" Dani continued sternly. "I also think some of them aren't going to want to swim in the lake tomorrow after hearing that story."

With a sigh, Jamie dug around in one of the deep pockets of her flannel. "Fine. I concede. Will this get you two off my back?"

When she produced a hip flask that glinted in the light, Hannah gave a scoff of laughter. "It's a start. Hand it over, Miss Taylor."

Jamie made a face. "Please. Just Jamie."

"I'll consider it," Hannah held out her hand. "If you help Miss Clayton and I clean up before going to bed."

Jamie passed over the flask with a grin. "Didn't realize that wasn't an option." Then she glanced towards Dani, who was still standing, and patted the space on the log beside her.

Dani hesitated a moment. She wrapped her hands around her middle as she circled the fire to take a seat at Jamie's side, careful to keep a hand's distance between them. Jamie gave her an odd look for her discretion, but did not mention it. Just a crinkle in her brow that was gone as swiftly as it had arrived.

When the flask made the rounds and ended up in Dani's hand, she tipped her head back for a swig. The alcohol burned all the way down. "Jesus, what is this?" she mumbled, lifting the flask to her nose for a quick sniff. "Aftershave?"

"Rye whiskey," Jamie answered.

Dani crinkled her nose.

Jamie laughed and knocked their shoulders together, then held out her hand to make a grab for the flask. "Well, if you don't want it -"

"I didn't say that." Dani took another heady swallow before passing it back.

"Feels like I'm sixteen again and sneaking booze into school," Jamie said, shaking her head with a chuckle.

"Sanctioned booze this time," Hannah replied.

Jamie raised the flask in her direction. "Cheers."

There was conversation and there was the snap of the fire and the exchange of the flask until it was drained dry. And then there was the clean up, their good nights, and Dani and Jamie stumbling their way through the dark towards their tent. The alcohol was a warm pool in Dani's stomach that flushed out all the way to her fingertips. Not enough to stagger or slur — not nearly enough — but enough to make her hyper aware of her surroundings. It was a crawling buzz beneath her skin. She focused on the uneven ground beneath her shoes instead of on the woman walking along beside her.

"Wish we'd gotten a torch," Jamie grumbled when their shoulders bumped together accidentally and Dani leapt apart as though scalded. "Fuck, but it's dark out."

"I'll grab one for us tomorrow."

They kept their voices down as they wove their way through the miasma of pitched tents. Most of the others had gone to sleep long before them. And only God knew when Hannah would finally allow herself to rest. Last they'd seen of her, she had been checking in with a few staff members in the kitchen to ensure the rest of the weekend went as smoothly.

"Do you remember what it looks like?" Dani asked. They had paused yet again in front of a tent, squinting through the night air to determine if this one belonged to them.

"Think it was red?" Jamie supplied helpfully. "Or maybe green?"

"Those are literally opposite colors."

"Well, it's not my bloody tent. How am I supposed to know?"

"Would you two keep it down out there?" a voice from inside the tent they were hovering outside of grumbled.

Both Dani and Jamie grimaced at one another in shared embarrassment. "Sorry!" Dani said as they scurried along to the next tent.

Jamie bit back a laugh, her eyes glittering through the dark. Dani elbowed her lightly in the ribs and whispered, "Stop that. You're going to make me laugh."

"Fuck. I think that was Jackie."

"Shh!"

"What? You don't want to mess with her? Not even a little?"

"Oh, my god. Just go. Go go!"

In the end their eyes adjusted and the tent was blue.

"I'm blind," Jamie said, hopping up and down as she tugged at one of her boots. "Blind as a bat. I'm going to need glasses like Nan. This is a disaster."

Dani fumbled with the front panel of the tent, trying to find the zipper. She already stood on her own removed shoes in a futile attempt to keep her socks clean. When she found it and tugged, the zipper made a noise like ripping canvas that in the dead quiet of the camp grounds might as well have been a growl of thunder.

"Shh," Jamie shushed her, laughing softly.

"I'm trying!" Dani hissed, but going slower only seemed to make it worse.

The moment the flap was open enough, they tumbled inside and Dani pulled the zipper back in place as quickly as possible. Like pulling off a band-aid. Crouched over, Dani took another step and immediately bumped into Jamie. In here there was no space to get away, nowhere to put distance between them, and Dani's attempts to shrink back were met with her elbow bulging out the side of the tent until she was forced to retreat towards the center once more.

"Hold on a minute," Jamie mumbled.

When she dropped to her hands and knees, Dani had to grit her teeth and remind herself to breathe. Jamie was patting around the ground by Dani's feet. One of her arms brushed against Dani's bare calf and Dani could make out the bowed shape of her, the silhouette of her clothes and the warmth of her shadow.

"Found it." There was a click, and a column of light pierced through the dark, illuminating the bottom of Jamie's face. "It's not much, but we can at least get into pajamas without tripping over each other."

Mouth dry, Dani nodded. "Right."

Jamie didn't bother standing upright. Instead, she scooted towards her bag and began looting around through it for clothes. As she discarded her flannel and began pulling her shirt over her head, Dani turned abruptly around.

Just two nights, Dani told herself. Just two. She could do this. She could -

She really shouldn't have allowed herself to indulge in even a few swigs of whiskey. It led far too easily to other indulgences. Thoughts of warm skin and warm smiles to ward off the cold of the star-riddled night. Shaking her head, Dani began unbuttoning her own shirt.

Jamie was already fussing with the angle of her pillow just so when Dani slipped into her own sleeping bag. She waited until Dani had settled in then flicked off the flashlight, plunging them into darkness once more. Flat on her back, Dani lifted the edge of the sleeping bag to her chin and stared up at the arched canvas ceiling.

"Nice nightgown, granny."

Dani tensed at the sound of Jamie's voice, soft and so close through the darkness. When the teasing words finally registered, she exhaled a laugh. She rolled onto her side, only to find Jamie already facing her. 

“It’s comfortable,” Dani insisted.

“Looks cold.”

“I can pull on a sweater over it, if I need to.”

“What if you have to jump up in the middle of the night and all you’re wearing is a skimpy dress?”

“It goes down almost to my ankles, Jamie. And why would I go running around in the night?”

“I dunno. Kids are mental.” 

Jamie’s grin glinted through the shadows. Dani swatted at the nearby edge of Jamie’s sleeping bag and said pointedly, “Good night.”

As she rolled onto her back once more, she could hear Jamie chuckling and shifting around. There followed a soft reply, “Night,” and Jamie was silent.

Dani shut her eyes. She tried not to focus on noises in the dark, but the uncertainty of a new place did not lend itself to sleep. She was far-flung. The longer she lay there, the more it felt that the bands of metal keeping their tent upright were a set of ribs and the wind shuddered the canvas around them. 

By the next morning she’d gotten not a whit of shut-eye. There were gaps in the night, gaps in which she surely must have slept but which she remembered nothing of. There was only the lingering tension of straining for Jamie’s every errant movement, the sound of her breathing, the rustle of her sleeping bag. Knowing she was close enough to touch, but far enough that Dani could not reach out. Knowing that as children they would have zipped their two sleeping bags together and talked in hushed whispers through the night, chased the coming dawn with muffled laughter.

Except now Dani was furtively pulling on a fresh set of clothes before Jamie could wake up and look at her, and dawn was a saffron colored suggestion peeking through a pinhole gap in the tent’s zipper. She didn’t need a mirror to know that there would be dark circles beneath her eyes and that the hair pulled into a braid over one shoulder was a mess. 

Jamie began to shift awake, her ribs expanding and shrinking under her t-shirt in a deep breath. “Morning,” Dani murmured as Jamie rolled onto her back and rubbed at her face. 

“Morning,” Jamie grunted in her hand, her voice rough from sleep, her hair a disheveled mess. 

When she removed her hand, stretching out against the sleeping mat, she blinked up at Dani with a slow lethargic smile that made Dani pause. “Reckon this place has proper tea and a kettle lying around somewhere?” Jamie asked. 

Smothering down the urge to bolt from this display of a half-awake Jamie, unguarded and unkempt in a way that was far too familiar and intimate, Dani said, “You didn’t think to bring your own?”

Jamie groaned, “Fuck,” and turned to bury her head back into her sleeping bag. 

Chuckling lightly, Dani took her morning dose of her inhaler and stuffed it back into her bag. She slipped out of the tent, valiantly pretending she wasn’t running away from the confined space that felt as though it was getting smaller by the second in the encroaching daylight where she could see clearly just how close Jamie lay next to her. She zipped the tent back up and departed towards the mess hall that even so early in the day was occupied by a few camp staff and teachers and parents looking for breakfast to fuel their morning. Dani helped herself to a pre-wrapped sandwich and coffee that may as well have been tar, but didn’t stop Dani from two helpings of it. Anything to get her through the day. 

By the time she was walking back towards the tent, she carried with her another sandwich and a cup of tea that she had indeed procured from a fold out table that held a basket of teabags and an electric kettle. When the blue tent came in sight, Jamie was pushing out of the entrance in jeans ripped open at the knees and a t-shirt and flannel, shoving her feet into heavy outdoor boots.

When Jamie spotted her, her expression brightened into a grin. “Is that what I think it is?” she said, grabbing for the plastic cup of tea. “Oh, you’re a star.”

“Don’t get too excited,” Dani said, wincing lightly. “If the coffee was any indication, then I’m pretty sure this is barely up to even my standards.”

Jamie made a face of distaste, but still braved a small sip. Her expression gave nothing away for a long moment until she met Dani’s eyes with a piercing, dry stare. 

“It wasn’t me this time, I swear,” Dani said.

“Are you trying to kill me?”

“I did warn you it was bad.”

Jamie chuckled and nodded concedingly. “You did. Nothing quite like being poisoned first thing in the morning,” she said, and pressed the cup back into Dani’s hand, “Now, please. Chuck it down the sink where it belongs.”

When Dani handed Jamie her sandwich however, the corner of Jamie’s mouth quirked into a crooked grin as her eyes flitted over Dani’s face. “Y’know,” she started, and pulled out a familiar white bottle from her back pocket, “A little birdie told me that you forgot to put on sunscreen yesterday.”

Feeling her cheeks warm, Dani took the bottle of sunscreen that was handed to her. “I was managing just fine,” she said.

Jamie snorted. “So you’re turning into a tomato for absolutely no reason in particular then?”

In response, Dani glared as Jamie began opening her sandwich wrapping with a look of innocent curiosity. “I was going to put aloe vera on it tonight,” Dani muttered, handing the cup of tea back to pop open the bottle. Jamie just nodded indulgently as she ate. 

Rolling her eyes, Dani began smoothing sunscreen across her exposed skin, warm under Jamie’s amused stare, the smell of sunscreen sharp and familiar. When she was done, her skin feeling far more greasy than it had before, she gestured weakly to Jamie with the bottle, trying not to stare at the smooth skin of Jamie’s neck. “Did you -?”

Jamie hummed and nodded. “Just before you got back,” she said, and then twirled a finger, “Spin around. Let’s see if you managed to get all of you covered before you wither away before the day’s over.”

Huffing and giving Jamie a look, Dani obediently turned around, pulling her braid over her shoulder. She heard Jamie hiss softly behind her in sympathy. “Does it look bad?” Dani asked. 

“Not terribly,” Jamie said unconvincingly, “Got your bases covered, though it does look a bit painful.”

It did feel tender and hot to the touch when Dani had smoothed a hand over the back of her neck and exposed sections of her shoulders, but not so much as to be exceedingly distracting or painful. Before Dani could even say as much, she felt a soft cool breeze being blown against her heated neck, fluttering fair wisps of her hair and spreading goosebumps along her skin. Dani sucked in a low breath and froze, her spine stiff. 

“Better?” Jamie said. 

Swallowing hard, Dani nodded, managing to choke out, “Yeah.”

“Good,” Jamie said, and without warning, she tapped her hand hard on the sensitive skin of her neck.

With a yelp, Dani jerked around to glare witheringly at Jamie, brandishing the bottle of sunscreen like a weapon. Jamie laughed and bounced away, biting into her sandwich with a bright glint in her eyes as she started towards the mess hall at a brisk pace, no doubt reading the threat of retribution in Dani’s expression. 

With a roll of her eyes, the camp slowly coming to life around her, Dani delved back into the tent to toss aside the sunscreen bottle and to retrieve the straw hat she had forgotten in her haste. Retribution would have to wait, knowing she had a full day ahead of herding dozens of kids through activities she was less than fully equipped to handle. Not like Jamie, who managed to surge in popularity over the course of the night since her story. When Dani found her again later, she had been assigned duty along with Dani to accompany two groups through a morning scavenger hunt, and kids were already arguing on who got to be on Jamie’s team. 

When their eyes met over the cluster of kids heatedly debating around them, Jamie gave Dani a look of exasperation. Dani stepped next to her and said with a small smirk, “Should I be jealous?”

“Don’t see what the fuss is about,” Jamie muttered, somewhat nonplussed, “Was just a scary story.”

“They like you,” Dani said, “Kids have always liked you.”

Jamie gave her a look. “You sure that sunburn didn’t mess with your head a bit?” she said, “The hat is cute and all, but I think the damage is already done.”

Dani rolled her eyes at the teasing curl of Jamie’s grin, but before she could respond, Jamie turned towards the kids and barked, “All right, you lot listen up or I take away your s’mores privileges.”

“You can’t do that,” said one boy, “You’re not even a teacher.”

Jamie arched an eyebrow. “Try me and see what happens,” she said, looking and sounding so much like Nan that Dani had to fold her arms and duck her head to hide her smile. 

The kids began to settle down and listen as Jamie directed their attention back to the grateful pair of camp counselors to split them into proper teams. When Dani nudged her in the arm with a smug grin, Jamie huffed but couldn’t hide her faint smile. 

Even before they could start, Dani knew just by looking down at the list in her hand that her team didn’t really stand a chance in winning the race. Not with Jamie’s love of nature, and certainly not with her impish and competitive goading to turn the scavenger hunt into a race in the first place. Dani put on an encouraging smile, even as Jamie and the gaggle of students behind her raced off into the woods.  

It was helpful to have something to focus on. To keep a watchful eye and prevent the kids from climbing dangerous logs or running too far off in between searching for a certain kind of mushroom and butterfly, and not on the way Jamie’s hair flew behind her as she sped by, looking as wild and boisterous as Dani fondly remembered her to be when they were children. Dani’s team might have eventually lost the scavenger hunt race, but Dani couldn’t complain. Not when it kept her busy from staring at the way the sun dappled across Jamie’s hair and skin through the rustling trees.

The day wore on. Accompanying a group back to the lake to take advantage of the unseasonably warm afternoon sun, Jamie had made herself scarce from the jaunt, claiming to have promised Hannah in assisting with an obstacle race. Dani had shot her a knowing look, but Jamie gave a salute with two fingers before hustling away with a smirk and shrug, leaving Dani to her fate where indeed a handful of kids only went so far as to dip their toes in the water, jostling each other with the teasing intent of pushing each other in. 

Dani bit back a sigh and called out, “Abigail, what did we discuss about pushing?”

The distance from Jamie made it easier to breathe. Easier to convince herself that she could do this, she could manage for just one more night. Easier to believe she wasn’t clawing herself inside out every time Jamie so much as looked her way, memories of soft breaths and warm skin just inches from her own. By evening, she was helping to escort the kids back to the mess hall for dinner when she came across Jamie and Hannah standing on the sidelines of an obstacle course that was being slowly vacated. 

Hannah was the first to spot her as she made her way over, letting the counselors escort the kids the rest of the way. Following Hannah’s eyeline, Jamie turned and caught her eyes, her expression brightening. 

Hannah smiled and said, “There you are. We were beginning to wonder where you were.”

“Kids didn’t want to leave the water.”

“So, no sightings of mysterious ladies in the lake, then?” Jamie asked, a teasing glint in her eyes. 

Dani gave her another look. “Not this time,” she said dryly, “What about you two?  How’d the kids do?”

“No missing limbs or cracked skulls to speak of,” Hannah said, and shrugged, “All and all, I’d say a success for the books. Though that’s more than I can say for this one, however.” 

Appearing far too amused, Hannah gestured towards Jamie who grumbled under her breath and folded her arms. Dani looked her up and down. She appeared more disheveled than usual, having stripped off her flannel to tie around her waist, leaving her in just a dirt stained white t-shirt. Strands of hair dangled out of her hastily tied bun, grass stains ran up her jeans, and her exposed arms were streaked with dirt. Dani lingered on the lines of lean muscle of her folded arms a second too long before she had to blink away when Jamie spoke.

“It was the boots, all right?” Jamie grumbled, “Not meant for climbing rope walls are they.”

Dani laughed. “Wasn’t there some racing courses? You would’ve crushed that,” she said, and turned to Hannah to say with a proud grin, “Jamie’s an insanely good runner.”

Jamie snorted and said, “Tell that to my knees.”

Hannah tisked and tapped Jamie in the arm with a pen, “Why didn’t you say so? It’s not uncommon for parent volunteers and teachers to participate in one race or another,” she said, and blithely added, “I wouldn’t have minded seeing Mr. Shields taken down a peg or two after a three year win streak.”

“M’afraid those days a far behind me,” Jamie said with a huff of laughter, a pink flush to her cheeks. “Wasn’t terribly good at it, to be honest.”

Giving Jamie a long look of mild exasperation, Dani said, “You held the record for the fastest four hundred meter sprint for almost five years at school.”

“Figures. Not a lick of talent in that town, I swear.”

“No, you took it all with you,” Dani said with a fond grin, and froze when Jamie blinked at her. Swallowing thickly, crossing her arms tight, Dani turned to Hannah who didn’t seem to catch on to the far too familiar comment, and asked, “Anything else lined up for the rest of the day?”

There was a hike after sunset. A long trek through the dark shadows of the woods in a venture to appreciate the night wildlife. Hannah had begged off, having had enough excitement for the day and far too busy making sure things were set for the night. But after dinner was had, Jamie bounded up next to Dani with a flashlight and such an eager infectious smile, that Dani felt her hands twitch in an urge to link their fingers. She smothered it down with a smile, grateful for the company and dreading Jamie’s close proximity all at once.��

It was almost peaceful, following the long line of kids on the thin path through the trees, counsellors with flashlights leading the way. In between murmured conversations with Jamie along the trek, her breath catching in her chest every time their hands and shoulders would brush when they leaned close to murmur to each other, as though unwilling to disturb the stillness around them, Dani kept a firm grip on her sanity by keeping most of her attention on the kids. There was a boy in particular who began to stray further behind, breathing heavier by the minute in a way that was all too familiar. Leaving Jamie’s side with an apologetic grin over her shoulder, Dani attended to him and made a mental note to talk to his parents. 

When they reached the end of the hike, they passed through a treeline to find they had hiked all the way around to the opposite side of the lake. The water rippled under a slight breeze, the scarce moonlight dancing through clouds and across the waves in shimmering striations. The group rested near the shoreline where a counsellor was drawing their attention to the visible stars and reciting the mythical tales of the constellations to the tired, but enraptured group. 

Dani sat on a rock, feeling out of breath in more ways than one when Jamie budged up next to her, close enough that their thighs and shoulders pressed together. When Jamie leaned even closer, Dani went still as Jamie murmured, “Did you know there are certain kinds of flowers that only bloom at night?”

Turning her head just enough to catch Jamie’s eyes, she instead found Jamie looking up at the small sliver of moon that was fast disappearing behind thick clouds. Dani stared at the lines of her profile, down to the soft curve of her mouth, feeling as though something in her chest was blooming in the dark of its own. Dani shook her head and murmured, “No. I didn’t.”

The trek back went by much of the same. Dani stumbled through the dark, an ache in her legs and feet, winded and unmoored at every graze of Jamie’s skin against her own beside her. She hardly realized they were back at camp until she was sitting by the bonfire, so focused on steadying her breathing and pumping heart. Jamie remained next to her, a persevering presence, her skin washed in the orange glow of the fire, her eyes alight as she spoke in a steady low tone of ghosts in mansion walls which lingered on in memory. 

Entranced within the beat and pauses of Jamie’s words, Dani almost didn’t feel it at first. The spatter of water on her head. The distant deep roll of thunder. Dani blinked and looked up towards the sky, seeing the roil of dark clouds and flash of lightning in the distance. 

Sitting adjacent to her, Hannah sighed and muttered under her breath, “This was not on the bloody itinerary.”

Dani laughed and stood, feeling the drizzle of rain on her skin. “All right, come on, guys,” she said to the kids as the rest of the camp around them jumped into action, “Time to head inside. Please find and follow your counsellor. And no running off!”

Still sitting before the fire flickering its last breath in the rain, Jamie sighed and said, “I suppose this doesn’t this mean we’ll be let off from cleaning up the grounds?”

“I’m afraid so,” Hannah said dryly, “Unless you want all the equipment and supplies to be washed away by morning.”

Jamie exhaled and shrugged with a good natured grin. “Well, lucky for you, I’ve suffered worse conditions,” she said and pushed to her feet where Dani stood with her arms folded, a pit of stone sinking to her stomach as she felt the rain seep into her clothes. Jamie nudged her in the arm and shot her a wink. “Come on then, Poppins. Dunno about you, but I don’t fancy turning into a pumpkin tonight.”

Dani chuckled breathlessly and nodded, setting to work. They made short work of it, packing away the remains of snacks and gear back in the kitchen and mess hall. Throwing away forgotten garbage and making sure there weren’t any stragglers looking to make a night of playing in the rain. When they made their goodbyes to Hannah and finally started towards their tent, the rain was coming down in sheets. Dani shivered as they walked, watching lightning streak across the sky and counted the seconds until thunder crashed and rolled. It was still far enough away to not cause too much of a worry, the camp caught right in the edges of it, but by the time they finally reached their tent, they were soaked to the bone. 

Just as Dani was pulling down the zipper in a rush to get inside, Jamie grabbed her arm, cursing under her breath. “Fuck, wait. Hold on, we’ll soak the sleeping bags,” she said, handing Dani the flashlight and pushed off her boots before tumbling inside, pushing the mud caked boots into a far corner. 

Dani aimed the flashlight inside the tent as Jamie shuffled around, rolling the sleeping bags up and pushing aside anything that might get wet until she was ushering Dani inside. “C’mon, get in before you melt,” she said. 

It was a struggle, pulling off her shoes while slipping inside at the same time. She crouched and nearly stumbled face down into Jamie’s side and the sleeping mat from the effort. They giggled breathlessly as Jamie helped pull the rest of her inside, her hands warm against her cold, wet skin. Out of breath and shivering, Jamie zipped closed the tent, a hiss of metal teeth sewing shut, until finally, they were shut away from the rest of the world. 

They breathed in the relieved silence, the sound of rain a steady constant thud against the canvas roof of the tent. Jamie huffed out a breath of laughter and sank on her knees. “Fuck,” she said, “That’s one way to wash off a day’s worth of grime.”

Dani chuckled and nodded in the dark, just barely managing to see Jamie’s outline, the flashlight discarded in some corner in the haste to get inside. The realization was slowly coming to her, just as it had when the storm started, a prickle of dread creeping down her spine. A walking furnace no matter the weather, Dani could feel more than see Jamie sitting close to her in the cramped space, her body warmth mere inches away from Dani’s skin. She was all too aware suddenly of her clothes, wet and heavy and sticking to her skin, her hair slick and dripping with rainwater.

Jamie reached for the flashlight, a beam of light flashing across the tent until she was aiming it in a corner of the tent, reaching for something. “Hold on, I’ve got something better,” she said, and revealed a clunky rustic lantern. Dani blinked in surprise and shuffled to her knees, her clothes squelching unpleasantly with every movement. 

“Where did you get that?”

“I have my ways,” Jamie said, and in the dark, Dani could barely manage to make out the outline of her smirk. 

Watching as Jamie switched on the lamp, Dani sucked in a low breath as a warm glow filled the interior and she was finally granted the sight of a rain-soaked Jamie kneeling before her. Dark hair slick and plastered to her face and neck, dripping water down her skin. A t-shirt that might as well be translucent with the way it stuck to her, revealing the outline of a toned stomach in shadow and light. Eyes dark and glinting in the low light with faint amusement and something else Dani couldn’t decipher. A slow roll of heat pooled down Dani’s spine, her breath shallow. 

“Christ, you look a mess,” Jamie said, her voice loud in the tent below the sound of rain and distant thunder. 

“Speak for yourself,” Dani managed to say through clenched teeth. Jamie laughed and a shiver went down Dani’s spine. 

“C’mon, we’ll freeze if we stay like this,” Jamie said, digging into her rucksack and pulling out a towel. 

Blinking out of her stupor, Dani nodded breathlessly, following Jamie’s lead. She carefully undid her braid, wincing lightly at every painful tug and squeezed the water from her hair with a towel, eyes glazed and pointed firmly at a dark corner. “Remember all those times we got caught up in storms as a kid?” Dani said, feeling as though a haze was settling over her, “Like that summer you were obsessed with the idea of being a storm chaser?”

Jamie scoffed out a laugh. “Fuckin’ idiot,” she muttered, “Could’ve gotten us accidentally killed one day.”

“But we lived,” Dani said, and at Jamie's dismissive grunt, she added with a grin, “And we got sick.”

At Jamie’s groan, Dani managed to laugh, massaging the towel against the roots of her hair. “Christ, that’s right,” Jamie said, “and Nan grounded us both.”

“I didn’t even know she could do that.”

“Nan’s house, Nan’s rules.”

A fond, wistful grin grew on Dani’s face, but it froze on her face at the sound of wet fabric being shifted around. Slowly peeking out from behind her towel, Dani saw as Jamie pulled her wet flannel from around her waist to toss in the corner beside her boots. The movement inadvertently shifted up the hem of Jamie’s t-shirt, revealing plentiful inches of firm abs as Jamie shifted around. She froze, her mouth dropping open until Jamie’s hands reached for the hem to begin removing the shirt. Dani sucked in another low breath and twisted around, her heart pounding against her ribs. 

“Fuck, this is gonna be a nightmare,” Jamie said, laughing and grunting as she audibly shifted around behind Dani. 

Dani pressed her eyes shut. Beyond the despairing wish to be sucked into the ground, Dani desperately tried to settle her heart, to settle her breathing. Swallowing thickly, Dani tossed aside her towel and began the slow arduous process of removing her rain-soaked clothes. It was no more obvious than it was now, how cramped they were. Their bare elbows kept bumping into one another, and Jamie swore and laughed in equal measure. Dani’s foot kept pressing against the side of the tent as she shifted and struggled, pulling her shirt over her head, feeling goosebumps spread across her skin in the cool night air and the warmth of Jamie’s back so near her own. 

When their backs accidentally touched, a graze of damp skin that sent an electric shock down Dani’s spine, she jerked away and laughed in a nervous high pitched tone. “Sorry,” she said, trying furiously not to look over her shoulder. 

“No worries,” Jamie said, chuckling lightly in the midst of her grunting. 

With her nightgown finally donned, sufficiently breathless and dimly relieved to be wearing dry clothes again, Dani finally began unrolling back her sleeping bag to slip inside when another roll of thunder crashed above them. Dani eyed the canvas with faint concern, the onslaught of rain against the tent unrelenting. 

“You don’t think the tent will flood, do you?”

“Reckon it’s a possibility,” Jamie said to the sound of rustling fabric and audibly exhaled, going still behind Dani. “Worst comes to worst, we can always make a break for it to one of the cabins. Kids will just have to deal with us bargin’ in on them.”

Dani chuckled and biting her lower lip, chanced a glance over her shoulder to find Jamie stretched out on her unzipped sleeping bag, donning a grey sweater and dark sweatpants, grinning up at her. 

“You gonna be warm in that?” Jamie asked, nodding her head towards Dani.

“I’ll be fine.”

“You’re shivering like a leaf.”

Heat spread across Dani’s cheeks, and she could only hope it wasn’t noticeable in the orange glow of the lantern light. 

“I’ve got an extra pair of trousers if you wanna borrow them,” Jamie offered. 

Dani gave her a curious look that bordered on teasing. “You packed an extra pair of sweatpants?”

“Dani, I live with a twelve year old boy. Of course I brought a spare,” Jamie said, and reached again into her rucksack, pulling out another pair of sweatpants and handed it to Dani. “In case we need to make a run for it and all.” 

Unable to help smiling fondly, Dani said, “I did say I have a sweater, you know.”

Jamie shrugged. “Then you’ll be extra warm then.”

Feeling another shiver run down her spine under Jamie’s gaze and from the cold night air seeping into her skin, Dani didn’t need much more persuading. She slipped on the sweatpants beneath her nightgown with the odd thrill of wearing Jamie’s clothes and shuffled inside her sleeping bag, pulling it up to her chin. Just like the night prior, Jamie waited until Dani was settled and comfortable before twisting a knob on the lantern, the warm glow inside the tent dimming until they were left in the darkness once again. 

It was quiet save for the rain and their soft breathing. It could almost be counted as peaceful if it weren't for the images of Jamie, dark-eyed and soaked to the bone as she knelt before her, lingering in the back of Dani’s mind. She shivered again and burrowed deeper into the sleeping bag. 

“Thank you for the pants,” Dani murmured. Beside her, Jamie snickered quietly with laughter, but didn’t say anything more. When Dani registered why a moment later, her cheeks burned hot. “You know what I meant.”

“You sure?” Jamie said, her voice both lethargic and far too amused for her own good, “Something you wanna share with the class?”

Dani huffed loudly and turned on her side to face the canvas wall. “Goodnight, Jamie,” Dani said. 

Jamie laughed softly, a low warm tone that she could almost feel directly against the back of her neck, sending a thrill down her spine. She pressed her eyes closed at the feeling, almost wishing to hear it again. 

“Night, Poppins,” Jamie murmured, and Dani’s ears strained to hear more. Hear the rustling of fabric as Jamie shifted, her soft breaths that gradually slowed and deepened. 

She was hyper aware of it. Every hitch of breath and whisper of skin against fabric. She sank further into her sleeping bag, her stiff spine relaxing to the sound on top of the white noise of rain, until the next time her eyes fluttered open the tent was lit with dim diffused light of early dawn and she was curled up facing Jamie. Dani blinked heavily, slowly, her eyes adjusting to the light as they fell upon Jamie’s sleeping form. She was on her stomach, facing away from Dani, her torso rising and falling with slow deep breaths. She had shed her sweater and pushed her sleeping bag down to her waist sometime in the middle of the night, leaving her in only a black tank top. 

Another lethargic blink. Her eyes drifted lazily across the exposed skin of Jamie’s shoulders, finding a beauty mark here and there, a smattering of freckles from hours spent in the sun, the flash of silver chain around her neck beneath strands of dark curls, until she eventually landed on the scar. Puckered skin draping across the back of Jamie’s right shoulder. Dani thought of stretching across the inches between them to press against the length of Jamie’s back, to run the pads of her fingers across the ruined skin before pressing her lips to it. 

Dani exhaled softly, shakily, and pressed her eyes shut again, her head feeling hazy and thick. Just a dream, she tried to convince herself, swallowing thickly. She breathed in and willed herself to wake up.

--

Some part of her thought this trip would last forever. The long days dwindling into longer nights. Even the bus ride back to the school campus felt endless, the road extending before them in a long line that seemed to narrow off the map and into the horizon. When they finally arrived back at campus and the children streamed from the bus, it was with an odd sense of detachment that Dani stepped onto the pavement and back onto familiar ground. Unreal town. Unreal streets. Sunlight arching its back against the shuttered windows and the lines of white picket fences.

Jamie had vanished from her side in search of Mikey, who had been avoiding them for the vast majority of the trip in favor of spending time with friends. Dani blinked as though waking from a dream when she heard Jamie calling her name and waving her over to the green truck parked on the street. Picking up her bags, Dani said her goodbyes to Hannah, received an absent wave in return — Hannah was busy directing the flow of events, clipboard in hand and an officious note to her voice — and made her way over.

"Figured you'd want a ride back to my place," Jamie said. She had already chucked her and Mikey's bags into the tray. "Unless Ed is picking you up here?"

Shaking her head, Dani tossed her bags into the back as well. "No. A ride would be great. Thanks."

Jamie patted the hood of the truck. "Hop in, then. Oi. You're in the middle, bawbag."

Mikey scowled at his sister but shuffled over into the center seat so Dani could sit beside him. Twin slamming of doors, and then Jamie was pushing in the clutch and rattling the gear stick back and forth to check for neutral. Mikey had to accommodate the gear stick between his knees, grumbling at Jamie when she knocked into him when the engine started and she shifted into first.

"Not my fault you're growing like a weed," Jamie countered as she pulled away from the curb. "Who's feeding you, anyway? Not me, certainly."

"Yeah, because your cooking sucks," said Mikey.

This time, Jamie purposefully hit his knee when she changed into third.

"Ow! You're doing that on purpose!"

"Prove it."

Dani smiled and shook her head as she listened to their familiar back and forth all the way to the opposite end of town. She gazed out the window at oft-traveled streets. Like being put back into a terrarium, she thought. Not a leaf out of place.

When they arrived, Mikey hopped out of the car after Jamie, shoving at her back to make her go faster so he could grab their bags and race into the house.

"Put the kettle on, while you're at it!" Jamie called after him. "Haven't had a proper cup in ages."

Dani stepped out of the car and shut the door behind her. "It's been less than three days."

"And I'm wasting away for lack." Jamie stepped onto one of the back wheels to fish out the rest of their things, either dropping her own bags onto the sidewalk or passing them to Dani. "Do you want to stay for lunch?"

Dani hugged one of her bags beneath one arm, while she grabbed her keys with her free hand. "I shouldn't," she said. "I think Eddie wanted to do something this afternoon."

"Fair enough." Jamie leapt down from the truck. "See you around, then."

Dani tried to make her smile seem natural, but nothing seemed to want to work properly when Jamie was watching her like that. As though she actually saw her, rather than gazed right through her at some imagined figure in the background. "Enjoy the rest of your weekend."

Their farewells were said too soon, for Dani slipped into the front seat of her own car and immediately found that it refused to start again. The engine ticked and ticked and never turned, and Dani was altogether too tired for this. She sighed, wishing something in her life could just go right for once.

"Sounds like a battery problem," Jamie mused from the sidewalk, arms crossed and brow thoughtfully furrowed. "Pop the bonnet."

It should have taken less time to jump start Dani's car, but Jamie kept pausing to explain everything she was doing and why. "You need to ground this one," she said, holding up one of the clamp things which must've had a name but which Dani couldn't remember for the life of her.

"Right," said Dani, not knowing at all what that entailed.

"Just stick it on some other bit of metal on the car. Like this. See?"

Dani nodded. "Okay."

"Now, you do it."

Eddie never would've explained it like this. He might if she asked, but all too clearly she could remember being scoffed at by him and the mechanic for not knowing some basic piece of knowledge or another. The two had engaged in some shop talk and proceeded to ignore her entirely for the remainder of the visit. She never asked anything about cars again after that.

"Great," said Jamie. "Now, go sit inside and turn the key when you hear me rev my engine."

Within moments the sound of the truck's engine whirring in neutral filled the air, interspersed with the coughing of Dani's car trying to wheeze its way to life once more. She murmured encouraging nonsense at the steering wheel and held the key firmly turned until at last it started. Through the glass she could see Jamie clapping one hand against the dash of her truck before turning it off and jumping out to put all the cables away.

"Feel like I'm Dr. Frankenstein," Jamie laughed as she wound red and black cabling around one elbow into a neat curl that she looped around her shoulder. She grinned and shut the hood of Dani's car with a clang. "This old girl really is giving up the ghost."

"Thank you," Dani said, sticking her head partially out the wound-down window. Jamie just waved her off without another word, already wandering back to her truck so she could put away the cables for safe use at some point in the future.

It was like driving a carcass through the streets, Dani thought as she pulled away from the curb. Like dragging a body through the dust around a city, unwilling or unable to cut it loose for fear of what letting it go might mean. With each passing day, holding onto the car just that little bit longer was an exercise in futility. Trying to assemble mismatched limbs into a whole that only pantomimed the real thing, and all the while the rope frayed.

Eddie's car wasn't in the driveway when Dani drove up and killed the engine. For a moment she simply gazed up at the house, hands gripping the steering wheel. Then, sucking in a deep breath, she stepped out. Bags in her arms. Car locked. Keys jangling from one hand. Turn of the key in the front door and she pushed, walking inside.

The house greeted her with absolute silence. The sound of her footsteps was too loud. They echoed across the floors polished to a mirror shine. If she looked down she could see a shadow of herself walking the halls like a specter. She kicked off her shoes and dropped her bags atop them, wandering to the ensuite bathroom and turning on the shower.

Breathing a sigh, relieved to be alone for even a few moments, Dani rested her hands upon the sink as though it were a lifeline, gripped it for a long moment. She pulled out her limp ponytail and watched her reflection rake a hand through her hair, steam creeping in around the edges of the mirror while the water slowly heated up until she was a silhouette through the mist. It was the first decent shower in days, water hot enough to scald her back as she just stood beneath the spray and allowed herself to breathe, reluctant to leave. It was only when the water had gone lukewarm that she shut off the tap and tugged back the curtain to reach for a towel.

A clean set of clothes. A quick application of the hairdryer and hairspray. A fresh coat of makeup like a mask to hide the sleepless circles beneath her eyes. A few minutes sitting on the edge of the bed, staring into space, absolutely still, listening to the house breathe around her. Rattle of the pipes. Creak of the lintels. 

The abrupt ringing of the phone made her start. Clearing her throat, hand flat on her chest to calm the thrum of her heart, Dani walked briskly into the other room to pick up the receiver and hold it to her ear.

“Hello?” 

“Oh, good. You’re home,” Eddie’s voice said. “Mom and I are going to come around in five to pick you up. She wants to go to that new cafe again.”

“It’s a nice cafe,” Dani said lamely.

“And I’m pretty sure she’s tried everything on the menu.”

In the background she could hear Judy scold him gently, saying that his claims were false.

“Most things, then,” Eddie said, sounding amused. “Okay. See you soon. Bye.”

Her mouth was forming the word ‘Bye’ in return when he hung up and she was left speaking to the dial tone. She tightened her grip upon the plastic receiver, then set it down upon its cradle once more. Dani’s eyes strayed to the bags she had abandoned by the front door. She picked them up and put her laundry into the washing machine, setting a new load and unpacking the remainder of the items. 

The garage was as cold as the rest of the house when she pushed open the door and stepped inside. The only room with no insulation, yet the house always held a chill, so that she would meander through it in sweaters and socks, tugging down the sleeves to cover her wrists and shivering when sitting still for too long. She had to go up on her toes to pull on a string that hung from the ceiling. The false panel creaked and groaned when she yanked it down, and a ladder unfolded, its legs clattering against the concrete floor to reveal a crawlspace hanging overhead that was darker than the night sky. 

She climbed the stairs, eyes adjusting to the dark to see the various shapes loom out at her. Preeminent among them the tent Eddie had mentioned before she’d left on Friday. Her mouth thinned in annoyance and she hauled up the bags to put them away. When she shoved them into place, something from the crawlspace fell to the ground below her. Dani paused, gripping the sides of the folding step ladder, and frowned down at the floor. It appeared to be a book. An old paperback. With a glance towards the crawlspace, she climbed back down the ladder and bent down to pick up the book. 

Upon turning it over in her hand, she blinked in surprise. A battered and familiar old cover, pages torn out and dog-eared, and a cover bearing the image of a scantily clad woman whose dress was at risk of falling down to her waist. God only knew how it had ended up among all of their things. A stowaway from another lifetime, masquerading itself as just another innocent paperback among so many other innocent paperbacks. 

Dani twisted it around to read the blurb at the back. She got about two sentences in before she rolled her eyes at the lurid prose. Complete drivel, just as she had remembered from the snippets read aloud to her over a decade ago. With a scoff, she tossed the book aside — she did not care to look where — and heard it thump gently atop one of the many empty boxes still piled up in the garage. Dani grabbed the legs of the ladder and folded them back into place, rising up on her toes to push it up so that it was just a piece of string hanging from the ceiling.

There was the blare of a horn just outside the house. Dani’s head jerked around in the direction of the sound. She heard it again and she hurried into the main house, putting on her shoes and stumbling out the door. She was halfway down the walkway leading to the sidewalk, where Eddie and Judy waited in Eddie’s car, when she remembered her purse and had to turn back around for it. When she walked out of the house again, the horn honked as she was locking up, making her shoulders tense. 

"What took you so long?" Eddie asked when she yanked open the door and slid into the back seat directly behind him. He shot her a smile as he said it, but she still had to shrug away a prickle of irritation.

"Left my purse behind."

He made a sound in the back of his throat indicating he'd heard, and waited for her to buckle her seatbelt before putting the car into gear and driving away.

Judy twisted around in her seat to look at Dani. "How was your trip?" she asked. "I saw in the paper that the weather took a turn for the worse up there. Hopefully it wasn't too bad."

Dani's stomach gave an unpleasant lurch at the memory. The brush of Jamie's damp skin against her own. The way her eyes had seemed gray as the storm, as though she'd brought a piece of it inside the tent. The crinkle at their edges as she had laughed. The cling of wet clothes and the sound they made when Jamie peeled them off.

Nothing had happened, she reassured herself. Nothing had even happened. Just the wild fantasy in her head where she was brave enough to reach out and touch her, brave enough to act, brave enough to speak.

Dani clutched her purse in her lap and smiled. "It wasn't that bad. And it was only on the last day, so it was fine."

Judy made pleasant work of their conversation, wanting to know every detail, every adventure, the kids who had behaved and those that hadn't. Dutiful to a fault, Dani answered in full, letting — as always — someone else steer the conversation as surely as Eddie steered the car into a parking spot just outside Owen's cafe.

It was almost normal. It should have been normal. Nothing about this scene had changed in nearly a decade. Chatting with Judy. Thanking Eddie when he opened the door for her and accepting a peck to the cheek for his trouble. Letting herself be steered into a seat inside, a menu propped into her hands, sandwiched on either side by a mother and son who might as well have been her own family even before any legal documents were signed. This time however, Dani kept having to swallow down an acrid taste in her mouth, the sort of fluttering anxious precursor to losing her breakfast into a porcelain bowl, as though she had sprinted around and around a track — red pavement pounding beneath her feet — until she panted for breath, until she felt sick. 

“What can I get for you today?”

Staring down at the menu, biting the edge of her thumb ragged, Dani dimly heard Owen’s voice. Judy and Eddie ordered, buying her more time to make a selection.

“And she’ll have the Caesar salad,” Eddie said, already handing both his menu and his mother’s over to Owen, who took them.

Owen glanced at Dani for silent confirmation, his eyebrows raised over the tops of his round spectacles. For a moment, she nearly picked something else, something random — it didn’t matter what choice so long as it was hers — but the urge was throttled away in her chest. She nodded, handed her menu over as well with a murmur of thanks. His moustache twitched in a tell-tale smile and he parted with an inclination of his head towards her.

The conversation had moved on since Dani had last kept track, the seconds slipping away like so many grains of sand while she struggled to be here and now instead of back in a dark tent listening to the sound of Jamie breathing. 

“We can do something in spring,” Eddie said. “You like flowers. We can make a whole floral theme around it.”

The wedding. Of course, they were talking about the wedding.

“Spring’s not good for me,” Dani said and she tapped lightly at her chest.

Eddie’s eyebrows rose over the rims of his spectacles. “Ah. Right. Stupid of me.” Then he snapped his fingers. “Summer? A June wedding.”

Dani grimaced. “Too muggy. You’re going to be in a three piece, remember?”

He hummed in agreement, then grinned. “Guess we could always do a shotgun wedding before Christmas.”

She tried to laugh the idea off, but he was leaning forward, clearly taken with the idea. Swallowing past the panic rising in her throat, Dani cast about for some rebuttal.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Judy said from the side, giving Eddie’s shoulder an admonishing pat. “These things take time, and you and Danielle deserve a proper wedding.”

Lifting his hands in surrender, Eddie settled back in his seat. “All right. All right. I get the picture. Autumn. When the leaves are changing color and everything’s, you know -” he said. “- Pretty.” 

Dani could feel the knot unclench somewhat in her stomach. She nodded and smiled as brightly as she knew how. “That sounds wonderful.”

Another year. Always another year. She wondered how long she could spin this out, carry this song and dance until they began to notice that something wasn’t quite right. That she wasn’t quite right. She couldn’t think of which was more terrifying: that they would finally see her for what she was, or that they never would.

Their food arrived. Dani straightened in her seat and murmured a grateful, “Thank you,” to Owen, who gave her a wink in return. She picked up her fork and knife.

“Do you have any plans for Saturday?” Judy asked as she cut into her open-faced sandwich. “I thought we might have a girl’s night.”

Dani paused, mid-chew. She finished her bite before replying, “Actually Carson invited me to see another one of his shows, so I thought I’d take Jamie.”

She snuck a surreptitious glance towards Eddie. He had already been informed of these plans, but still he lifted the glass to his mouth for a sip and pointedly did not meet Dani’s eye. 

“Oh, that’s great!” Judy said and she set down her cutlery with a clatter against the edge of her earthenware dish. “You two are going to have so much fun. I mean — I don’t personally ‘get’ Carson’s music, but it makes him happy. So -” she gave a lackadaisical wave of one hand as she reached for the salt. “- to each their own. Make sure to buy one of those t-shirts for me. He told me something about selling some at his last gig, and I want to hang one on the wall.”

“Mom,” Eddie said. “Really?”

“Be nice to your brother, Edmund,” Judy said in a warning tone, pointing her knife at him.

Smiling, Dani said, “I’ll bring something back. Don’t worry.”

--

“Coldest evening of the month, and you’re wearing a dress?” was how Jamie greeted Dani when she slipped inside Jamie’s blissfully warm truck. 

Dani rolled her eyes and pulled on her seatbelt. “Hi, Jamie, how was your day?” Dani said, “Mine was great, thanks for asking.”

“Grand, thanks,” Jamie replied with a cheeky grin under Dani’s glare, “Though, I’m a bit concerned you might freeze to death before we ever make it to Des Moines.”

“I’m a big girl, I think I can handle the cold.”

“In that?” Jamie said, arching an eyebrow, running her eyes over Dani’s dress. 

Dani froze, her breath caught in her chest under Jamie’s stare. The dress in question was nothing to write home about, a dark purple number that reached just below her knees and covered her arms and chest up to her neck with sheer fabric. It had been hung up in the back of her closet for what felt like years, never having the opportunity or need to wear it until tonight.  

“First with the nightgown, now this.” Jamie’s gaze flitted up to meet hers again and said with an admonishing grin, “You’ve gone mad.”

Dani shrugged, hands nervously smoothing over and picking at the fabric of her dress, “What? I just felt like dressing nice.” 

“Well, I can’t say you didn’t succeed,” Jamie said and before Dani could even process the words, she continued, “And, lucky for you — ” Jamie reached behind the seats into a storage compartment “ — you and the kid are a lot alike: always cold no matter the weather.” She pulled out a dark green woolen blanket and tossed it onto Dani’s lap with a fond grin. “If you need it.”

“Thanks,” Dani murmured, spreading the blanket out on her legs for reasons beyond just being cold. 

“Not at all,” Jamie said, cranking the heat higher and finally eased the truck back on the street. “Though at this rate, I’m seriously considering investing in some heat lamps for the both of you.”

Dani laughed, a breathy nervous thing that sounded thin even to her own ears, and sank further into the worn leather seat. A week away should have made things easier, should have alleviated the pounding of her heart and the goosebumps along her skin. But Dani was starting to see a pattern now. A few days without Jamie and she could convince herself it wasn’t real. She could shut down and lock away any lingering attraction. Then the moment Jamie was in her line of sight, the coiling heat at the base of her spine returned in full force.  

As they pulled onto the highway, Dani chanced a glance to her out of the corner of her eyes. Jamie looked no different from her normal day to day wear. Band t-shirt tucked into dark jeans rolled up at the hem above a pair of Docs. Brown suede jacket draped over her shoulders. It was nothing Dani hadn’t seen before, but her eyes lingered at a glimpse of bare skin at Jamie’s collar, silver chain snaking beneath her shirt. Dani swallowed heavily, and looked out the window with a slow exhale, shutting it all away. 

“So, you’ve been to this place before?” Jamie asked. 

Dani hummed affirmatively. “Twice,” she said. She paused, hesitating before adding, “Carson and I may have impulsively drove all the way up ourselves to see one of his favorite bands once.”

Taking her eyes off the road briefly to shoot her a smirk, Jamie said, “You tell anyone you were going?”

“No,” Dani replied with a sheepish grin. 

“What band inspired you to risk the wrath of Karen Clayton?”

Dani paused and admitted with a wince, “I don’t remember, actually.”

Jamie laughed. “I see they made a good impression.”

Shrugging, Dani chuckled. “It was worth it to see him so happy,” she murmured, recollecting the loneliness Carson failed to hide after being left behind as the only one left in high school, and again at the house after she and Eddie had gone off to university. Accompanying him with her own car to Des Moines was the least she could’ve done for him. “He lost his voice after singing along for the whole night, and slept most of the way home.”

“So what does his band sound like anyways?” Jamie asked, “I asked him if they had a demo tape, and he told me he wanted it to be a surprise. Should I be expecting to scream my voice hoarse too?”

“They sound like the kind of music you love, I guess.”

“Oh sure, that narrows it down loads.”

Huffing lightly, Dani muttered, “So high maintenance.” 

Smirking at Jamie’s scoff, Dani reached for the radio and switched it on. Ignoring Jamie’s grumbling under her breath, Dani turned the dial, flickering through stations until she landed on one she knew Jamie favored, the sounds of heavy drums and synth keyboards filling the cabin. 

“Something like this,” Dani said with a short gesture to the radio.

“Knew he wouldn’t let me down,” Jamie said, fingers tapping to the beat on the steering wheel. 

“He gets it from you.”

Jamie chuckled but didn’t respond. Without taking her eyes off the road, she turned the volume up, and her tapping on the wheel turned to light drumming. Dani watched her with a fond grin, taking in the line of her jaw and the curve of her mouth. Biting her lower lip, Dani turned to watch the evening sun streak golden light across corn fields and farm houses. Beneath the scent of the air freshener dangling from the rear view mirror, there was the ever present smell of corn. 

“Did you ever miss it?” Dani said, “The fields?”

“What? The smell of cowshit?” Jamie shrugged noncommittally. “Not much to miss really, besides hiding out in the corn and scaring the shite out of people when we were bored as fuck.” 

Dani laughed and Jamie smiled wide at her. “I think you scared Mr. Horne for life,” Dani said. 

“You were there, too. Don’t think I’ve forgotten the manic glee in your eyes when he ran screaming for the hills.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure,” Jamie drawled, “Must’ve imagined it then.”

“Yep.”

Jamie snorted. “Tit.”

As Dani giggled softly, they fell silent again, listening to the radio blare an eclectic noise of music Dani never had the opportunity to really listen to. She had never really taken to it, not the way Jamie and Carson had, but she didn’t hate it. Not the way Eddie did, always grinding his teeth and twisting his mouth. 

After a moment Dani said, “Thanks for coming with me, by the way.”

“‘Course,” Jamie said, “Carson’s been bugging me about it too, so y’know, your neck isn’t the only one on the line here.”

“Either way, I’ve been meaning to go for a long time, so - thanks.”

“Good ol’ Ed still too busy to come along, then?”

Dani shook her head, her chest pinching at Eddie’s staunch refusal again to accompany her when she’d asked earlier that week. Swallowing down a spark of belligerence, Dani said, “It’s not really his kind of scene.”

“Not really yours either, but here you are,” Jamie said, and though her voice was as calm as ever, the taut line of her mouth said otherwise. Then she offered Dani another smile, the tension gone. “How ‘bout we crank up the volume some more? Get ourselves amped up for Carson and the show, yeah? Unless you want to change it to something more of your liking.”

In response, Dani leaned forward to turn the dial up herself. Jamie laughed, and though Dani could barely hear it over the clamor of music, she was entranced at the crinkle of Jamie’s eyes and her wide smile. Her heart thudding hard against her ribs, Dani inhaled slowly and sank back into the leather bench, smiling as she watched Jamie enjoy herself. 

The drive to Des Moines wasn’t short. Just a little under two hours together in Jamie’s truck, the time filled with music, conversation, and snacking on Jamie’s stash of trail mix she kept around for Mikey. By the hour mark, they switched through various stations looking for music they both enjoyed. 

Dani had prepared for this. As much as one could after realizing she’d once again have to spend many hours alone confined in a small space with Jamie for the second time in a week. It was easier in the daylight at least, with music to keep them company. Unlike when they lay next to each other in a cramped tent, trying to sleep when all she could hear was every single soft breath Jamie took and the whisper of fabric against skin, feeling as though she was slowly going insane as the seconds ticked by. Here in the brightness of Jamie’s truck, ankle boots tapping to some Depeche Mode song, it was all she could do to just pretend. 

When they finally neared the city, the sun was nearly set. Dani eagerly leaned forward in her seat, watching it grow closer in the horizon with an anticipation she didn’t expect. It’d been a long while since she went anywhere exciting that wasn’t the local bar in North Liberty. Compared to pictures she’d seen of big cities like New York and Chicago, Des Moines was simple with its scant skyscrapers and many historical buildings. 

Beside her, Jamie breathed out a soft laugh. “You’d think we’re heading to Disney World.”

Dani felt her cheeks warm as she leaned back into her seat. “I just haven’t been in here in a long time, is all. Not really used to going anywhere exciting.”

“I see,” Jamie said, nodding with a considering frown, ”Who knew Des Moines was more exciting than Disney World.”

Rolling her eyes, Dani swatted at Jamie’s arm. “And what would you know?” Dani said with a teasing grin, “When was the last time you were here if you’re such an expert?”

Jamie paused and shot Dani a weak grin. “Not since - ” her voice trailed off, gesturing haphazardly towards the city as though it held all the answers she couldn’t say. “After,” she finished with a murmur.

Dani’s smile slowly fell. “Oh,” she murmured, her stomach sinking as she watched Jamie silently steer them closer to the city, her expression carefully blank.

They didn’t speak another word until Jamie broke the weighted silence and asked, “Now where’s this place again?”

The abrupt suppressive air in the cabin felt lighter again when they somehow missed the exit they were supposed to take according to Carson’s messy directions. Dani laughed at Jamie’s attempts to swipe the sheet of directions from Dani’s hands, grumbling good naturedly every time Dani slapped her hand away and pulled the sheet out of reach. When they finally exited out into the city, Dani guided them back in the direction they came from towards the East Village, passing over the Des Moines River until they could see the towering shadow of the Iowa State Capitol building in the distance.

The bar itself was situated on a block corner, two stories with red bricks, big front windows, and a sign in blocky letters that said ‘Slaughterhouse.’ There was a small closed off patio in the front where a few people were braving the chill weather, talking and laughing.

“Quite a name,” Jamie said after they had parked the truck and walked the block towards the venue, dryly adding, “Can’t imagine why they’d name it that in Iowa of all places.”

“Think we’ll find some pigs in there?”

“I’ve already had my fill of the swineherd, thanks.”

Dani chuckled, wrapping her arms loosely around her stomach to ward off a chill breeze. Jamie rushed forward to swing open the entrance with a smile and a wink. Even as Dani chuckled, she ducked her head and sped past Jamie. It was deceptively large inside, warm and already packed with concert revelers and people just enjoying an evening drink. The bar was jammed with people waiting for drinks, tables and booths filled with others eating or conversing, and a pool table off in one corner. Graffiti, art, and a plethora of black and white photos lined the walls, leaving no space untouched, accentuated under warm lights. 

Music played over the bustle until every noise seemed to blend together. Dani tensed and sucked in a soft breath when she felt Jamie press a hand to her back and lean close to speak in her ear, “Drinks first?”

Keeping her eyes forward, Dani nodded. 

Jamie gave her a curious look, “You all right?”

“Yeah,” Dani breathed, her skin under Jamie’s palm burning, “Just excited to be here.”

“Sure.”

Grinning, utterly oblivious, Jamie finally dropped her hand and started towards the bar. Dani exhaled slowly and followed behind, trying desperately to not let her eyes stray lower than the center of Jamie’s back. Jamie pushed her way to the front of the bar, ignoring the discontent in her wake with practised disaffected ease. 

“Want anything special?” Jamie asked.

“Just whatever’s on tap for now.”

A familiar voice behind them called out her name, “Dani!”

Dani turned and smiled wide at Carson making his way towards them. “Hey!”

He pulled her into a hug so tight that he nearly lifted her off her feet. She laughed, her arms around his shoulders squeezing tight to keep balance. 

When he let her go, he smirked at them, “Well, well, well. Look what the cat finally dragged in.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re here. Happy now?” Jamie grumbled, though her expression was warm as she handed Dani a glass of beer. 

“Very,” Carson said, and looked very much like it. 

His eyes were bright under the low lights, no doubt already a drink or two in for the night. He wore his ever present studded leather jacket over a tight white undershirt tucked into form fitting jeans. Styled dark hair, a thick belt, and combat boots completed the look, but it was a small silver earring shaped in a cross dangling from his left ear that was new and intriguing. He all together looked like some heartthrob she’d find on the cover of a Tiger Beat magazine. 

She laughed, her hand on his shoulder. “Look at you,” she said, daring to sweep a hand over his quiffed hair with a teasing smile that he batted away with a scowl. “Girls must be all over you.”

Jamie coughed into her glass. 

“Um — “ Carson started, mid-laugh, his cheeks pink and not meeting Dani’s eyes “ — something like that.”

Jamie pressed a hand to her mouth to suppress her coughs and what also seemed to be laughter. Carson snorted beside Dani as she patted Jamie’s back gently, but Jamie waved her off, sucking in a deep breath and gulping down more beer. 

“All good,” Jamie said in a ragged breath. 

“Are you sure?” Dani asked, slowly removing her hand. 

“Positive,” Jamie said, and took another sip to prove her point, “See?”

Carson rolled his eyes. “Well, before you accidentally kill yourself, I want you to meet the rest of the band,” he said, nodding his head towards the other side of the bar, “C’mon.”

He led them through the room towards the pool table in the corner commandeered by four individuals dressed in an array of alternative and grunge fashion. Dani only vaguely recognized them. They were gathered around the felted table, slouching against the wall or hovering close, watching intently as another leaned low over the table, cue stick positioned to strike. 

“Look who I found!” Carson said, gesturing wide towards Dani and Jamie. 

“Busy!” said the one at play, dozens of small braids dangling over her shoulder. 

“Too busy for my guests of honor?”

The woman looked up just as the others finally came to attention, their heads swiveling towards Dani and Jamie at once. Dani smiled faintly, raising her hand in a small awkward wave. 

“Well, shit, Carson,” said another, “They’re real afterall.”

Introductions were short. They waved and nodded politely at Dani in recognition, but seemed to eye Jamie with keen interest as they shook her hand. 

“This is Troy, our lead singer and guitarist,” Carson said, waving towards a man with shoulder length hair, and then towards the woman with braids who now stood next to a man with flat top hair, “The siblings, Lawrence and Charlene. They play guitar and keyboards. And this is — “

“Robin,” said a tall woman with long feathered black hair and dark eyes. She held out a hand to Jamie, eyes darting up and down Jamie, “But you can call me Bobby.”

If Jamie noticed the wandering eyes, she never showed it. She merely chuckled and shook Robin’s hand. “Sure.”

Troy, who stood nearest Dani, muttered into his beer, “Here we go.”

Dani blinked, but then Robin turned towards her with a friendly smile, and said, “Nice to meet you again, Dani.”

“You too,” Dani managed to politely reply, oddly feeling that the suggested nickname towards Jamie didn’t extend towards her. 

They gathered around a large table afterwards, where Dani found herself situated between Jamie and Troy as drinks and appetizers were ordered from a passing waitress. 

“So, Jamie,” started Robin, leaning forward on her elbows across from Dani and Jamie, “Carson talks about you all the time, but we were starting to think you didn’t exist.”

“That right?” Jamie said, lounging back comfortably in her seat, giving Carson a look. 

He shrugged sheepishly. “What?”

Jamie grinned fondly. “Sap.”

The others started ribbing him, talking over one another with the ease of those who’ve known each other for years. Carson took it like a champ, laughing and swearing at them in kind. Dani smiled with Jamie at the antics, wishing they’d done this sooner. 

“All right, all right, look,” Carson said, waving off their teasing, “They’re practically my sisters. What do you expect me to do?”

Dani laughed, an affectionate warmth spreading through her, but Jamie went stiff next to her. Taking a peak at Jamie out of the corner of her eyes, Jamie’s expression gave nothing away, an ambiguous and warm smile on her face, but she was as still as stone. Dani took a sip of her beer and surreptitiously pressed her elbow into Jamie’s arm. And as though it never happened, Jamie blinked once and brought her glass to her mouth, taking a slow sip. 

“What about you, Dani?” asked Troy, bringing Dani’s attention back to the group, “What have you been up to?”

Dani kept her elbow pressed against Jamie, somehow sitting closer than she was before when they sat down, and answered their questions. They were as friendly and animated as Dani remembered them to be. Curious over her teaching profession and congratulatory over the news of her recent engagement that she took in stride, but to no fault of their own, they were exceedingly curious about Jamie more than anything.

“What’s a Brit even doing in Iowa?”

“I didn’t even realize Iowa had British people.”

“There’s at least two more, believe it or not,” Dani added, laughing at their balked reactions. 

“Grew up here for a couple years,” Jamie answered, “Left for a bit. Went back to London, traveled around. Came back. And, well - rest is history, as they say.”

It was the most succinct and restrained answer Jamie’s given to the question to date. 

“Somehow, I have more questions than answers,” said Charlene, resting her chin on her fist with a perplexed expression, “Why would anyone come back to Iowa?”

“I have my reasons,” Jamie replied with a mischievous grin. 

“Fascinating,” Lawrence said with the same expression as his sister, “And mysterious!”

Dani and Carson snickered. Jamie huffed and kicked at Dani’s boot with her own under the table. Dani laughed, but it trailed off when Jamie’s foot remained nudged against Dani’s, the length of their calves pressed together. She nearly choked on a sip of her beer. 

“No, no, I think he’s right,” Robin spoke up, who’d been quiet for the most part, sipping at some dark drink in a tumbler glass. She looked Jamie up and down, and made a short gesture towards her, “That scar certainly adds to it.”

Jamie frowned and said, “Scar?” Robin tapped a finger on her own chin, just below the curve of her mouth. “Ah, noticed that, have you?”

“Hard not to,” Robin said, “How does one even get a scar like that?”

Jamie thumbed at her lower lip. “Got in a bar tussle years ago. Nothing to write home about, really.” Somehow, Dani managed to refrain from rolling her eyes at the lie, but just barely. When Jamie reached up to her left eyebrow, running a finger along the hair there, she frowned. “Got one here too. This one’s covered up for the most part, thankfully. Only so many scars one can have before it takes away from everything else.”

“Quite the opposite, I’d say” Robin replied, smirking over the lip of her glass, eyes intent on Jamie. 

Dani froze. Jamie arched an eyebrow and huffed out a laugh, but didn’t deign to reply. Simply leaned back further in her chair, drinking slowly. Over the din of the others at the table conversing, the nail of her thumb digging into the corner edge of the table, Dani could hear a rhythmic rush in her ears and she swallowed another heady sip of her beer to the sound, draining the glass. 

Next to her, Jamie leaned close to murmur, “Want another?”

Dani turned her head just enough to meet Jamie’s eyes and nodded with a faint smile. 

“Want something to eat, too?” Jamie asked, tilting her head in a way that shouldn’t be so endearing, “Might not get the chance for a few hours.”

“Sure.”

“Anything in mind?”

“Surprise me?”

Jamie grinned. “You’re going to regret that,” she said, and with a wink she lifted her glass to drain her own beer. Eyes drawn to the skin of Jamie’s throat as it worked, pale expanse of skin and corded tendon and muscle, Dani almost didn’t register Jamie grabbing Dani’s glass when she was done and starting towards the bar. 

Dani watched her traverse through tables and patrons until she reached the bar, calling for the bartender. The distance allowed Dani the opportunity to breathe properly again, but as she was slowly leaning back against her chair, relaxing her shoulders, Robin drained her own glass and followed Jamie. Dani’s stomach twisted in a way that was wholly unfamiliar to her as she watched Robin slide next to Jamie at the bar. 

It was strange, seeing a woman openly flirt with another and nobody so much as batted an eye. It was worse, seeing a woman openly flirt with Jamie. It hadn’t truly occurred to her whether or not Jamie dated. If she spent the night in another woman’s bed and left before the sun could rise. It wasn't as if there were a lot of options or opportunities in North Liberty as far as Dani knew. She hadn’t seen someone interested in Jamie since high school.

When Robin’s hand dropped to Jamie’s forearm, letting out a light laugh that Dani couldn’t hear from this distance, Dani looked away to the swirling grain of the wooden table, jaw clenched painfully tight, her fingers wringing together in her lap. Dani raised her head and found that from across the table, Carson was already watching her. When she smiled faintly at him, he leaned forward with his elbows on the table. 

“We’re gonna have to head upstairs soon to finish getting ready for the show,” Carson said, “You guys are welcome to come up with us to the green room if you want. We have t-shirts, and I promise to get you two in the first row.”

Dani perked up at the reminder. “How much are those t-shirts, by the way? I wanted to grab a few.”

“Dani, I’m not letting you pay for my band t-shirts.”

“Carson,” Dani said, in a warning tone, “You already gave us free tickets. I’m not letting you give me stuff for free when I could support your band.”

He laughed and raised his hands in surrender. “Fine. Have it your way. I’ll just have to sneak a few extra bits of merchandise in there while I’m at it,” he said with a wink and laughed again at Dani’s admonishing stare, innocently adding, “So, green room?”

Dani chanced another glance at the bar, not seeing Jamie or Robin in sight. She swallowed hard. “I’m - I’m not sure, but I’ll ask Jamie when she gets back.”

“No problem,” Carson said easily.

“When does the show start again?”

“In just a little over an hour,” Carson said, and glanced up to the side, his expression brightening as he gestured towards an approaching Jamie, “Enough time to eat.”

“What I miss?” Jamie said, dropping two glasses of beer on the table. She returned to her seat and nudged Dani’s elbow, “Tracked down the waitress for you. Food should be here in ten.”

“Thanks,” Dani murmured, and before she realized what she was doing, she rested the side of her boot against Jamie’s, the bare skin of Dani’s calves pressing against Jamie’s jeans. Jamie quirked an eyebrow at her, but nudged her in return.

When Carson brought up the green room again, Jamie caught her eyes with a silent question. At Dani’s noncommittal shrug, Jamie grinned indulgently, leaning back with an elbow resting on the back of her own chair, her hand dangling dangerously close to Dani’s shoulder, and said, “Think we’ll be fine down here. Cheers.”

Carson’s eyes flickered between them for a moment and he chuckled. “Another time, then,” he said. 

Soon after, the waitress arrived with food in hand. A basket of nachos and a stand with a pan of veggie pizza resting atop. She gave Jamie an appreciative glance, but Jamie was already busy devouring her basket of nachos. As though feeling eyes on her, Jamie’s eyes flitted up to meet Dani’s mid-chew, and at Dani’s smile, she shrugged nonchalantly as though it had been the plan all along to request Dani’s favorite pizza. 

Dani gave one last nudge of her foot to Jamie’s and dug in. As they ate, just before Carson’s bandmates began to depart upstairs where the venue and green room resided, they demanded the table do a round of shots. Dani, unused to alcohol stronger than beer or wine, winced at the idea. As she downed her shot with the others, Jamie and Carson cheered her on. Carson smacked her on the back when she made a face and pushed the now empty shot glass away.

“Twice in a week,” Jamie said teasingly, “Who are you and what have you done with Dani Clayton?”

Dani poked her in the ribs in retaliation. The group departed soon after, leaving with waves and well wishes to enjoy the show until it was only Carson left at the table with Dani and Jamie. 

“I really hope you guys enjoy the show,” he said, appearing nervous for the first time tonight, “We’ve been working on a bunch of new songs recently, and we think they’re pretty good.”

“From what I remember, you guys are amazing,” Dani assured, “We’re going to love it.”

He smiled, but his eyes flitted anxiously to Jamie who shrugged, still nursing her nachos. “Don’t look at me,” she said, her expression just short of teasing, “Last I remember, you were banging on buckets in the garage with wooden spoons, so jury’s still out.”

Carson rolled his eyes and snatched up a tortilla chip before Jamie could react. 

“Oi!” Jamie barked, shoving away his arm, “I paid for that.”

He stood, moving out of reach as he chewed on his ill-begotten goods. “And that’s my cue!”

“Break a leg!” Dani said, laughing. 

“Enjoy your date!” he called back.

Jamie grabbed a balled up napkin and flung it at his head. It went flying just a foot away from Carson’s face, falling somewhere beneath a table. He laughed and rushed further away until he disappeared up a stairwell near the back of the bar. 

“Wanker,” Jamie muttered. 

“So, they seemed nice,” Dani said. 

Jamie nodded, grunting in response as she ate. Rolling her eyes, Dani reached over and snagged her own tortilla chip with a healthy dose of toppings and ate it before Jamie could even react. Jamie shot her a scowl so petulant that Dani just laughed. In retaliation, Jamie reached over to the scant remains of her pizza and plucked out a bell pepper to pop in her mouth. 

“Very mature,” Dani said dryly. 

“Do my best,” Jamie said, smirking and reaching for another loaded tortilla chip. 

Jamie cursed under her breath as hot sauce dripped down the crux of fingers. Feeling as though she was watching a car crash happen in slow motion, terrible and enthralling all at once, Dani watched Jamie run her tongue along the length of her fingers in one long swipe. Her breath shallow, Dani faintly pushed a paper napkin towards Jamie and looked away, her cheeks hot. 

“Cheers,” Jamie said. 

Dani only hummed in response, trying desperately to settle her racing heart. There was some distant part of her — the part that wasn’t addled by alcohol or Jamie’s mere presence — that still couldn’t believe this was happening. It should’ve felt strange. The pull. The coil of her stomach. The straying of her eyes. But nothing with Jamie ever felt strange. It was like unlocking a heart-hued door. A door that had always been there, chained up without a key, beating and thundering to be opened this entire time. And all it took was the curve of Jamie’s smile and the warm graze of their hands to find the key. 

Before she could do something foolish, Dani busied herself with finishing her pizza. When Jamie spoke, something about the food being far too good for a bar as grungy as this one, Dani laughed, grateful and relieved for something else to focus on as their talk of bars strayed from one topic to another. 

The bar began to gradually empty as people began to make their way upstairs for the show. Jamie urged them to follow, eager and not wanting to be too far back from the stage. Dani guided them up the stairs, graffiti and art painted along the walls, and gave their tickets to a man standing guard at the entrance to the room. It was already dark when they entered, blue show lights cascading on a small crowd already waiting near the stage, but still bright enough that Dani could make out the plethora of graffiti on the dark walls as though concert goers had been given free reign with markers and stickers. While the room was large enough to fit at least two hundred people, the stage was no taller than their waists, small enough that if Dani were right up against the stage, she could stretch far enough across to graze her fingers against Carson’s drum kit. 

“Bit cozy, inn’it?” Jamie said, head twisting around as she took in the space. 

“It’s a really popular venue, believe it or not,” Dani said, valiantly ignoring the stretch of Jamie’s neck. 

The venue alone wasn’t the only thing just as popular. Carson’s band appeared to have gained a larger following since she’d last seen them. Dani had to murmur an apology to someone next to her as their shoulders jostled, stepping closer to Jamie as she did so. 

“You going to be all right?” Jamie asked over the din of conversation around them. 

Dani had to refrain from jumping away at Jamie’s voice so nearby, their shoulders grazing. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“It’s pretty crowded,” Jamie said, with a cursory glance around them, and shot Dani a look of faint concern, gesturing with an encompassing wave in her direction, “Y’know, with your - ”

“Oh,” Dani murmured, softening under Jamie’s concern, “I’ll be okay. It’s different in crowds. Not like — “ she made a weak gesture, but Jamie nodded all the same in understanding “ — besides, not my first rodeo.”

Jamie laughed. “That’s right, you’re the expert,” she said, and nudged Dani’s arm. “Just let me know if you need me to toss a couple elbows. I’ll be happy to do so.”

“Sure,” Dani drawled, “And not just so you can have an excuse to start a mosh pit, right?”

“Surprised you even know what that is.” At Dani’s glare, Jamie gave her a look that was somehow both impish and innocent. “Just an offer, is all.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Dani said dryly. 

They didn’t have to wait much longer after the room filled, music playing low on the sound system to keep the crowd’s energy going. When Carson and his bandmates spilled out from a side door, Dani and Jamie cheered along with the crowd at their appearance as they waved and settled themselves at their respective instruments. Carson himself had shed his leather jacket, leaving him in only his white undershirt as he scanned the crowd, waving furiously when he spotted them. Jamie whistled loudly in between two fingers in a way that Dani had always failed at replicating, and Carson sent a sharp salute their way with a broad smile before settling behind his drum kit, amped up and bouncing in his seat. 

“Hey, long time no see, Des Moines,” Troy said into the microphone, grinning at the crowd, “Thank you for coming to our show. We are The Greasers and the Gaggers.”

Dani bit her lip to contain a snicker as Jamie snorted a loud laugh, the sound smothered by another cheer from the crowd. 

“It’s a work in progress,” Charlene deadpanned into her own mic, smirking when the rest of the band and crowd laughed as though it were a long running joke.

“We’re gonna start with a fan favorite,” Troy continued his introductions, strumming notes on his guitar, “Enjoy the show — ” he paused to smirk and wink “ — but not too much.”

“That’s not ominous at all,” Dani said, grinning when Jamie laughed again. 

The song started slow, building gradually with guitars and the heavy bass of Carson’s drums leading the way until eventually exploding into a bright sound Dani was all too familiar with from Carson and Jamie’s favorite radio stations. The sound reverberated in Dani’s chest, loud and booming like an echo chamber, and by halfway through the song, she was already bobbing her head to the beat. 

Jamie leaned close to speak directly in her ear over the sound of drums and synth, “Is it just me, or are they actually good?”

Dani laughed breathlessly, barely suppressing a shiver from the warmth of Jamie’s breath against her skin. “I really wouldn’t know,” Dani admitted, swaying to Troy’s baritone voice as he sang. 

It was genuinely catchy in truth, the sound a mixture of the rough grind of guitars she was used to hearing from Jamie’s old transistor radio growing up, and bright synth and hard drums of the more recent electronic sounds. Troy shared vocals with both Robin and Lawrence, but Carson was the most fun to watch. Surge of pride and enjoyment spread through her as she watched him drum under the bright colorful lights, endless energy and concentration. He had at one point broken a stick mid-song and grabbed another one from a stand next to him without missing a beat. She only managed to catch the moment due to sheer determination to not let her eyes stray to Jamie next to her. 

It was getting increasingly hard not to let her gaze linger. She had taken a peek or two since the show started, more to see if Jamie was enjoying herself, and happily found her bobbing her head to the beat and swaying with a broad grin under blue lights. But the pull was still there, inevitable as gravity. The music washed over her and the call and response of the crowd. At the start of a new song, more rough and fast paced than the ones previous, Dani looked up to the stage just in time to catch Robin sending a wink in their direction, taking the lead vocals of the song as she strummed her bass, enticing and dark eyed in a way that not even Dani could deny. A clench of discomfort that was growing more familiar by the hour pressed against her chest, but before Dani could even begin processing that, the crowd behind them cheered and surged forward.

Stumbling slightly forward, she felt more than heard Jamie laugh next to her, their shoulders pressed together. Dani inhaled sharply. A hand rested low on her waist near the dip of her spine as Jamie slipped slightly behind her until she could feel the press of their shoulders together. Her breath caught in her chest, feeling the heat of Jamie’s hand even through the fabric of her dress. She held herself absolutely still when Jamie leaned in close to say, “Again, just say the word.”

It took Dani an embarrassingly long time to remember what Jamie was referring to, but she nodded faintly. Feeling Jamie laugh again, her shoulder jostling with the movement, Jamie’s hand dropped from her back. For a brief wild moment, Dani thought about grabbing her hand and pulling so that Jamie was flush against her back. 

It was hard to concentrate on the rest of the show afterwards, with Jamie keeping valiant watch from more jostling. Dani kept her eye glued to Carson instead, nodding to the beat and not the way her heart crashed against her ribs with every movement Jamie made just behind her. And when the show came to its inevitable end, closing out with another slow build of a song that had everyone cheering and yelling wildly, Jamie finally slipped back beside her to properly cheer. When Jamie caught her eyes, bright even under the dim lights, her smile broad and electric, Dani couldn’t hope but to mirror it, feeling her hand mindlessly grasp Jamie’s, tangling their fingers together. 

They cheered as the band waved and bowed, making their exit from the stage. Carson found them again in the crowd, his hair a sweaty floppy mess, his shirt and skin damp, blowing a kiss that Jamie playfully waved away as Dani laughed. When the crowd slowly began to disperse, Jamie kept a firm hold of Dani’s hand as she guided them through the crowd. 

Dani leaned close to say, “You think the bathrooms aren’t too crazy right now?” 

Jamie snorted and replied, “You’d be better off running down the street to McDonalds.”

But even before she finished speaking, Jamie was already pushing faster through the crowd, again ignoring the disgruntled looks and muttering. Restless energy still buzzing beneath her skin, Dani followed as they wedged their way through, feeling Jamie’s hand squeeze hers until Jamie was pressing them both towards the bathrooms.

While the bathroom was busy with the coming and going of other women, the stall Dani shut herself in, graffitied and marked over like the rest of the bar, was a blessing in disguise. She pressed her back against the door as soon it was locked, her eyes shut as she exhaled shakily, slowly, her fists clenched at her sides. Over the sound of conversation and water running, the bass of music coming from the bar, there was the ever present rush of blood in her ears. An overwhelming vertigo pulsing under her skin. 

Banging the back of her head lightly against the door, she muttered, “Get it together, Dani.”

She pushed it away. Pressed it down until she could no longer feel the ghost of the warmth of Jamie’s hand in her own. Until she could stand on her own two legs without feeling rooted to the spot under Jamie’s smile. 

Jamie was already waiting for her when she exited, leaning on the dark wall across the bathroom entrance, her hands in her jean pockets and her eyes dark under the dim lights of the hallway. Dani’s stomach sank when the feeling of being unmoored returned, crashing through her scant defenses as Jamie spotted her, eyes lighting up. 

“Took you bloody long enough,” Jamie said. She jerked her head towards the bar, “One more for the road?”

All Dani could do was smile faintly and nod, following Jamie back towards the bar where she got them one more beer to share between them and a glass of water for herself.

“I think you’ve spent a crazy amount of money on me tonight,” Dani finally managed to say after they found an empty table to wait for Carson’s return. 

Jamie just grinned and shrugged. “You can pay next time.”

The fact that Dani had managed to come out to Carson’s show tonight was a miracle in of itself, the idea of a next time with Jamie left her buzzing in both anticipation and dread of having to go through all of this all over again. She nodded eagerly all the same, nursing her beer, buzzed and hapless to her fate. 

A commotion behind them caught their attention, and they both turned to find Carson and his bandmates surrounded by a group of fans clamoring for autographs and photographs. Carson had changed into a clean shirt, his hair damp and slicked back as though he had splashed water all over it. And if his broad smile and laugh was any indication, he was used to the kind of attention he was receiving. Jamie snickered, stealing a sip from their beer as they watched. 

When Carson finally slipped away and spotted them, he made a beeline straight towards their table, his hands full with what looked like a pile of folded t-shirts. Dani shot up to hug him before he could say a word. 

“You were amazing!” she said. He laughed, returning the hug until she stepped away to rest her hands on his shoulders, “I’m so proud of you.”

He smiled and ducked his head. “Thanks,” he said, and held out the t-shirts, “For you, just as promised.”

“Thank you.” She ran a hand over the soft fabric and embossed design of the band’s name in bold letters over a black and white photo of the group in front of a brick wall. Before she could stop herself, she unfolded one of the shirts and slipped it on over her dress, pulling her hair out from under the collar and smoothing over the fabric before cheerfully hugging Carson again. 

“Let the man breathe,” Jamie said, laughing as Dani returned to her seat, “Don’t you know rockstars like their personal space?”

“Shut up,” Carson muttered, sitting opposite them. 

“Really? You can do better than that.”

“You’re ruining the moment, asshole,” he countered.

“Better,” Jamie chuckled, but there was a great deal of pride of her own in her eyes as she regarded him, gesturing towards him with the beer they shared, “You are full of surprises, aren’t you?”

“Told you it’d be worth it.” 

“You did,” Jamie said, nodding concedingly, “Tell me again why you lot aren’t signed with someone or out touring the country?”

“Because — “ said the voice of Troy as he appeared behind Carson, slapping a hand down on Carson’s shoulder to lightly jostle it “ — we’re all too busy with other things.”

Troy was the only one to return, sitting beside Carson as the rest of the band had dispersed across the bar doing their own thing. 

“Some of us are still in school, so we’re not that crazy over the idea of making it big yet,” Troy added, and nudged Carson’s arm, “Besides, this one wants to be a star chef.”

“Reckon you can manage both,” Jamie said with such fixed certainty that Carson straightened upright. 

Before Carson could get the chance to respond, Troy nudged him again with a teasing grin, “Max is here by the way. He was looking for you.”

Carson blinked, his eyes just slightly wide. 

Jamie noticed, arching an eyebrow. “Max?”

“A friend,” Carson replied quickly.

“That right?” Jamie said, smirking over the rim of the glass.

Carson shot Jamie a dirty look, curiously avoiding Dani’s gaze. 

Just then, Robin sauntered towards the table. “You guys enjoy the show?”

Even as a rigid tension seeped into Dani’s shoulders, the ingrained sense of politeness drilled into Dani since birth won out. She nodded and said, “You were amazing.”

“Certainly better than I was ever expecting,” Jamie said, shooting Carson a wink. 

Troy laughed goodnaturedly, “Well, thanks for your honesty.”

“Ignore her. She’s being a dick,” Carson grumbled, but smiled all the same. 

Robin turned to Jamie with a tilt of her head. “Can I get you a drink?”

Dani felt like she was watching it happen in slow motion, stuck inside a water tank, hand pressed on the glass as Robin smirked and once again ran a not so subtle eye over Jamie. But Jamie reclined further back in her chair.

“Cheers, but we’ve got a long drive home,” Jamie said with a polite smile. 

Robin shrugged. “A smoke then.”

Jamie seemed to hesitate at that, her fingers tapping restlessly against the table, and turned to Dani with a questioning look. 

Dani nudged her foot under the table and said, “It’s all right.”

“You sure?”

Nodding, Dani gestured towards Carson. “We’ll meet you outside.”

Jamie stared for just a moment longer, as though waiting for Dani to say something more. When Dani said nothing – just smiled and deftly ignored the growing discomfort in her stomach – Jamie nodded and shot her a quick grin. Sliding the half empty glass towards Dani, Jamie rose to her feet and gestured for Robin to lead the way, already digging in her pocket for her pack of cigarettes as they retreated outside. Dani worried her lower lip with her teeth as she watched them go, slowly returning her gaze to the table with a faint frown when they slipped out the door. 

When she looked up, she caught Carson’s gaze. Unlike last time, his smile shot a course of fear through her, of being looked through and seen in a way she was wholly unready for. Carson had always been good at it, second to Jamie. Of seeing the fine lines of Dani’s expressions and lending a shoulder when she needed it. Most times she welcomed his quiet comfort. Tonight, she wanted nothing more than to slip away into the shadows, casting away this version of herself like an old dress.

“I’m really happy you guys came,” he finally said after Troy made his leave to the bar, earnest in a way he only seemed to ever reveal around her or Judy. “It means a lot to me.”

“I know,” Dani said, “I’m really happy we did too. I had so much fun. More than I had in a long time, I think.”

“That’s all I wanted.” He paused, then added, “Too bad Ed couldn’t come along too, huh? Show up and have fun for once.”

Even the mention of Eddie’s name made her freeze. She hadn’t thought of him once all night, too caught up in the show, too caught up in Jamie. Ignoring the weight of guilt in her chest – heavy as riverstones that would surely sink her to the bottom – Dani leaned forward to grasp his hand. 

“You know how he is. He’s busy with work, he - he wants to make a good impression,” Dani said, gripping his hand harder, urging him to look at her. When he finally did, she softly added, “I’m sorry he couldn’t come.”

“Having you and Jamie here is enough,” he said, and shrugged. “Just figures that it would be you two to make the effort and not — “

He didn’t finish his sentence, making a short sharp gesture. Dani offered him a faint smile that he slowly mirrored, gripping his hand again and feeling the pressure returned. He exhaled slowly, tension slipping away from his shoulders as he looked away and cast his eyes around the bar. 

“I’m gonna go say hi to Max,” Carson said, turning back to her, “Is that all right? I’ll be back soon.”

Dani nodded, still faintly concerned, but he seemed anxious to see his friend, his eyes darting back to the bar every few seconds, his knee bouncing. So Dani smiled, releasing his hand and watching him march over the bar, disappearing into the throng of people crowding around. She sat alone for a moment, nursing her beer. When a few of Carson’s bandmates returned to the table, Robin, Jamie, and Carson were still nowhere in sight. They kept her company for a minute, and she praised them for the show. Promising to return again when she could, and happily taking a zine that was handed to her by Lawrence where there was a whole full page spread promoting the band with photos and blurbs of each member. Dani had them all sign it for her, planning to get Carson and Robin to complete the collection. 

“Have you guys seen Carson?” she asked, holding a spare pen in one hand and the zine in the other. 

Lawrence motioned towards the stairwell. “Think he was that way?”

She left them with handshakes and waves, making her way through the crowd towards the stairs. Instead of dizzying blue lights, the second floor venue was lit like a gas station forecourt. Every nook and cranny unveiled, but the room was mostly empty save for a few groups of people talking in corners with drinks in hand. A quick glance around, standing on her toes, proved that Carson was nowhere in sight. Dani made for the side door and tested the handle, relieved to find it unlocked. 

The hallway inside was just as brightly lit. The sound of the music and conversation downstairs was muffled, but as she turned a corner, the unmistakable sound of a moan jerked her to a stop. Her eyes widened.

That was definitely Carson pressing another man against the wall, the pair kissing hungrily as their hands wandered. Dani was frozen to the spot, feeling as though she just crashed through an entirely different reality. At the sound of another moan from the man melting under Carson’s attention, Dani’s whole body flinched, and feeling more idiotic and voyeuristic by the second, she slipped back around the corner and out the side door as quietly as possible. 

Her hands had gripped the zine into fists, she realized with faint shock, staring blankly at the door as she shut it. She cleared her throat and tried to smooth it out as best she could before folding it away. Dani slowly made her way back downstairs to the bathroom that was blissfully empty, and splashed her cheeks with water cold enough to sting, to jar her back to earth. She swallowed hard and smoothed down her hair before slowly making her way out the bathroom, through the bar, and stepping outside into the brisk night. 

It had gotten colder after the evening waned into night. The air stung her exposed skin in a way that was both refreshing and uncomfortable, a bleak reminder she was only wearing a thin dress and a t-shirt. Immediately wrapping her arms around herself, the extra t-shirts and zine tucked under her arm, her breath misted into white vapor with every exhale as she cast her eyes around for Jamie. When she spotted her nearby, leaning against the wall with Robin beside her, wearing a stony but polite expression as they chatted quietly with a cigarette dangling between two fingers, Dani’s shoulders bunched up incremenantly. She eased closer, her boots clacking against the pavement. At the sound, Jamie looked over and her expression brightened. 

“You regretting that dress now?” Jamie said, chuckling as Dani stepped next to her, shivering but stubbornly ignoring the fact, “Poppins, it’s freezing. You should wait inside.”

Dani shrugged and said, “Was getting too warm inside.”

Arching a disbelieving eyebrow at her, Jamie shook her head. “Here,” she said, and placed her cigarette between her lips before shrugging off her jacket, leaving her in only a t-shirt.

“It’s fine. I’m - “

“Just take it,” Jamie said, the cigarette bobbing as she spoke, holding out the jacket for Dani to slip into, “The t-shirt over a dress is a fashion statement for sure, but you and I both know it’s doing shitall at keeping you warm.”

They stared at each other for a long moment, both square jawed and stubborn, but at another wintry breeze Dani relented with a sigh. Jamie grinned and Dani shot her a look, turning to let Jamie help her into the jacket. She regretted it immediately. The jacket was already warm from Jamie’s body heat, and she had to squash the urge to pull up the collar and press her nose to the smell of smoke and sandalwood. Instead, she carefully schooled her expression as she turned back around. Jamie rubbed her hands up and down Dani’s arms in a valiant effort to warm her up, doing nothing to help Dani’s racing heart. 

Dani gestured weakly to the cigarette. “Can I -?”

Without hesitation, Jamie took one last drag and handed the burning cigarette to her. For a long moment, Dani stared down at the faint lipstick residue left on the filter. Of all the cigarettes shared between them over the years — a handful at best — reaching for this one felt like sinking right through the ground. Slowly, she placed it between her lips, feeling a thrill race down her spine as she took a drag, liquid hot and electrifying. 

Her lungs burning, her eyes flitted up and caught Jamie’s, already watching her with an expression she couldn’t quite place. Blowing out the smoke with pursed lips up into the air, she handed the cigarette back, clenching her teeth at the graze of their hands. Frowning down at the cigarette, Jamie flicked off the ashes and shook her head. It was a small movement. Dani might have missed it if she weren’t already looking so closely.

“You want more?” Jamie asked.

“No,” Dani murmured.

“Shit habit anyways,” Jamie muttered, and without another word, she stubbed out the cigarette against the wall and tossed it into a nearby trash can. She cleared her throat and frowned over Dani’s shoulder. “Where’s Carson?”

“Uh — ” Dani cleared her throat. “Busy. He’s busy. We should - we should just go.”

Jamie hummed and nodded, giving her a small smile. 

Still leaning on the wall nearby, Robin smoked quietly, her eyes drifting between Dani and Jamie with a look that wasn’t so much displeased as it was inquisitive. Dani wrapped her arms tighter around herself, scanning the street lit by lamp posts and store signs and the passing of cars to avoid looking either of them in the eye. 

“That’s it, huh?” Robin said, her voice raspy from smoke and a night of raucous singing. It was irritatingly alluring. 

“'Fraid so,” Jamie said with a shrug. 

“Carson’s gonna be staying over at mine and Troy’s place for the night once we’re done packing up,” Robin said, taking another long drag and slowly blowing it out, white smoke framing her dark hair, “You two are always welcome to stay over if you’ve got such a long drive.”

“We’ll manage,” Jamie said, a coiled tension in her jaw, placing a hand on Dani’s back, gently guiding her towards the truck down the street. 

“Sure,” Robin said, chuckling, though there was little amusement to it. Dani’s shoulders bunched up further at the sound. “See you two around, then. Thanks for coming.”

Polite to a fault, Dani smiled and nodded as they turned away. “You too. Have a good night.”

“Bye,” Robin said. 

Jamie gave a short, jerky wave behind her. “See you.”

When they were back in the truck, Jamie started the engine and immediately cranked the heat up to high. “Christ, it’s cold,” she muttered with an exaggerated shiver.

“You want your jacket back?”

“I’ll be fine,” Jamie shook her head, shooting her a grin. “Looks better on you anyways.” 

Any snarky retort Dani could’ve had died in her throat. She said lamely, “News said it should get warmer over the next few weeks. Just in time for Halloween.”

“Ah, so you do check the weather,” Jamie said, checking both ways down the street before easing the truck into the nighttime traffic. 

Still flustered, not knowing what else to say, Dani just rolled her eyes and groaned, “Shut up.”

Jamie laughed but didn’t say anything more. They fell silent as Jamie drove, street lights streaking slow patterns across them in the dark cabin.

At a stoplight, Jamie dug in her pocket and pulled out her rumpled carton of cigarettes. “You mind if I -?”

Dani shook her head and watched as Jamie rolled down her window a few inches. She pulled out a cheap plastic lighter and placed a cigarette in her mouth, raising a protective hand around it. A practised flick of the lighter and an inhale. Jamie’s face was illuminated in an orange glow that was reminiscent of sitting before a bonfire. Shadows and light danced across Jamie’s sharp features, and then it was gone and she was blowing smoke out the window. Dani exhaled slowly, quietly, and looked away out the windshield. 

When the truck sped up on the offramp and onto the highway, Dani felt herself shiver again. She adjusted the green blanket back over her legs. As she rested her collection of t-shirts and the zine back on her lap, she was suddenly reminded that in her haste to leave, she had not only forgotten to get both Carson and Robin’s signature for the zine, but she didn’t even get the opportunity to pay for the t-shirts. 

It seemed so inconsequential now, after the display she had accidentally stumbled into in the hallway towards the green room. Like a blindfold had been ripped off her eyes, and she could finally see every moment with Carson in the past two decades all at once. 

“Did you know?” she asked suddenly over the rumble of the wheels and the faint strains of music from the stereo. “That Carson liked -? That he was -?”

“Queer as a three dollar bank note?” Jamie finished for her dryly. She drew at the cigarette and blew smoke out the open window. “Yeah. Why? That bother you?”

Dani shook her head. “No. Why would it bother me?”

“Seem surprised is all.”

“No, it just - it never really occurred to me,” Dani said, “I feel kind of like an idiot for not seeing it before.”

Jamie offered her a kind smile and said, “Don’t be. Really. Can’t exactly see something if you’re not looking in the first place, yeah?”

“Right,” Dani murmured, her brow furrowed, not fully convinced. Not with how easy it was to see other people’s intentions over the course of the evening. She glanced at Jamie. "Robin seemed nice."

Jamie snorted. "Yeah. I don't think so."

"I mean - she was -" Dani fumbled "- good looking. I guess."

Jamie shot her a look that silently said 'Really?' and Dani could feel the flush in her cheeks. 

Shaking her head, Jamie took another long drag of her cigarette, blew the smoke out the window, and said, “She’s all right. Friendly. Talented — “ Jamie made a sharp gesture with her hand “ — whatever. Just doesn’t fuckin’ know how to take a no for an answer. Told her I had a kid waiting at home and a long drive at that, and still kept offerin’ me drinks. Last thing I bloody need is wrapping the truck around a tree ‘cause some girl can’t take a hint.”

There was a taut line to Jamie’s jaw, like she wanted nothing more than to gnash her teeth on a steel bar. Instead, she took another agitated draw of her cigarette, the smoke billowing from her nose like a red-eyed bull. 

Dani slowly asked, “Does that happen a lot?”

Jamie snorted again but was silent for a long moment, her fingers tapping almost restlessly against the steering wheel, not looking anywhere in Dani’s direction. “Not anymore,” she said. “Not when I’m working near twelve hour days in the middle of bloody nowhere with a kid to take care of.”

“So, you’re saying that girls used to be all over you?” Dani cautioned to ask, unexpectedly enjoying Jamie’s flustered huff.

“Guess you can say that,” Jamie muttered, still pointedly not looking at Dani. 

“So, there’s no one special then?” Dani said, a finger picking at a hangnail. “In your life?”

Jamie took a long drag, keeping the smoke trapped in her lungs. Her knuckles went white against the steering wheel, until she exhaled sharply into the night air, wind from the open window ruffling her hair. 

“Nope,” Jamie said, shaking her head, “No one special.”

“But there were still girls,” Dani said, not entirely sure what was possessing her to keep questioning further. 

Shooting her a curious look, Jamie shrugged. “Sure. A few, yeah,” she said, her throat working, her eyes turning back to the road. She shifted in her seat and cleared her throat before sheepishly admitting with a mutter, “More than a few, I guess.”

Jamie fell quiet, which was more than fine with Dani. Thoughts appeared in her mind, unbidden and unexpected. Images of a younger Jamie, more wild and reckless and less steady as she was now. Eyes dark under seedy bar lights, pressed against a faceless woman in a secluded corner. Lips dragging across a pale throat, a hand inching up a thigh towards less than appropriate places, the other burying and pulling at long blonde hair. 

Dani gripped the blanket atop her lap, grateful for the dark cabin to conceal her flush. Jamie took another drag of her cigarette, and Dani silently cursed her for it, her eyes straying to Jamie’s lips pursed around the filter as she inhaled and billowed smoke. Sinking further into the seat, the worn leather creaking and crackling under her shifting weight, Dani rested her head back against it, blinking slowly, feeling the alcohol course its way through her. 

She wondered, with the faint daze of someone standing on the precipice of a crumbling cliff, just how soft Jamie’s lips were. If women threw themselves at her because they understood just by a glance that Jamie knew exactly what she was doing, exactly how to press and drag and leave marks to remind them of a night in rumpled sheets. 

Dani blinked the thought away, swallowing hard. She cautioned a glance at Jamie who appeared none the wiser. She had finished her cigarette by now, the window rolled back up, fingers tapping to the beat of the radio on low, her other hand gripping the head of the gear stick. 

For one dizzying moment, Dani imagined lifting that hand and slipping it beneath the green woolen blanket, sliding it under her dress to place against the soft skin of her inner thighs, just to see her forearm work and feel the press of her calloused hands against heated, soft skin. Pressing her hand higher still, dragging it until it was where Dani never would have imagined needing it most, just to see what Jamie would do. 

Dani exhaled a slow, quiet breath that rattled in her chest, rolling her head away to face the passenger window, pressing her legs together against the heat and clench at the crux of her thighs. Gritting her teeth hard enough to send a dull ache rolling down her jaw and up her temple, Dani cranked down the window just enough to let the cold breeze whip at her face and hair, cooling her burning skin. 

She pressed her eyes shut, welcoming the sting, letting it shunt her back to earth to convince herself it was just the alcohol and the dark. That’s all it was. This wasn’t her. It couldn’t be. She was engaged. She was going to marry Eddie, her oldest friend who had never been anything but loving and kind, even through his faults and imperfections. Indentured to the mask and noose made for her by her own hands through encouragement and expectations from a society and family who wanted to see her as nothing more than the perfect, golden girl. Always eager to please and obey under the promise of being loved without second guessing it for once.

“You all right?” Jamie suddenly asked, broaching the long quiet that had settled comfortably between them. 

“What do you mean?” Dani asked, her voice miraculously steady, rolling the window back up. 

Jamie shrugged, shooting her a searching look. “Had that look about you,” she said, “Felt like I could hear that brain of yours firing away at light speed.”

Chuckling breathlessly with the faint realization how dry her mouth had gotten, Dani shook her head. “I’m fine,” she lied, “Just tired.”

With nothing but the stretch of a long, straight road ahead of them, Jamie shot her another look, arching an eyebrow. Dani gave her a weak smile, and whatever Jamie found in the corners of it, in the real tired lines of her face, seemed to assuage her worries. 

“Long day,” Jamie murmured. 

Dani hummed and said, “Long week.”

Turning back to the road, Jamie said, “Got a bit of a drive ahead of us.” She gave Dani another soft grin. “You’re welcome to rest for a bit until we get home.”

Dani frowned and stared down the dark road ahead of them, lit only by the occasional streetlight and the red and white lights of passing cars. “I don’t want to leave you alone,” Dani said, turning back to Jamie.

It took Jamie a long moment to respond to that, catching Dani’s eyes, her expression soft and warm. “Nothing I’m not used to,” Jamie murmured, “I’ve had my fair share of long drives by myself. The kid and I even drove all the way to North Liberty from the coast when we moved here.”

Dani smiled at that. “You two must’ve driven each other crazy.”

Jamie laughed and groaned. “It wasn’t pretty half the time, believe me,” she said, though her voice was fond, “Almost drove us off the road at one point.”

As Jamie regalled the story of a long running argument between the siblings during the journey across half the country, an argument centered around the food stash and who ate what and when, Dani laughed, wishing more than anything that she’d been there to see it. 

“And the other half?” Dani asked, “It couldn’t have been that bad.”

“No,” Jamie murmured, a small curl to her mouth, “He’s a good kid. Quiet and smart. Don’t know where he gets it from really.”

“I do,” Dani said, staring directly at Jamie’s profile. The crinkle of her eyes, the slant of her charmed smile. 

Jamie shot her another look, a gentle admonishment and shake of her head before she turned back to the road. “You must be tired if you’re going on and saying things like that,” she said. Her voice softened, “Rest. We’ll be home soon.”

But Dani couldn’t. Not now. Not when there were still vestiges of heat lingering on her skin. Her eyes drifted back down to Jamie’s shoulder, wanting to slide across the bench seat and rest her head there in the crook of Jamie’s neck. Wanted to breathe in that sandalwood cologne that had haunted her for a decade. Wanted to grab her hand and link their fingers in Dani’s lap, her thumb gently stroking Jamie’s knuckles. Wanted to drive until they reached a place beyond Iowa, beyond the Midwest, where they were nobody but themselves. 

Instead she curled her hands in the blanket, leaned back with a sigh, and listened to the white noise of the tires carrying them home.

--

It was well after midnight when Jamie finally dropped her home. The alcohol had run its course during the rest of the ride, leaving her sluggish and heavy-eyed, only managing a small smile and a murmured goodbye to Jamie who waited with a look of quiet affection until she stumbled through the front door before driving away. Dani watched her go, taillights disappearing in the distance, red eyes in the dark, before retreating into the house. Jamie’s departing look lingered over her as she set aside the t-shirts and zine on the side table, pushing out of her boots, sitting with her like a heavy woolen blanket across her shoulders.

The house was dark and quiet in a way that Dani was loath to disturb with stumbling in the dark, as though in fear of awakening a slumbering beast with her presence. But as she was stepping quietly towards the kitchen in search of a glass of water, light from the living room gave her pause. Blue light bounced and danced along the walls and she stepped towards it, padding onto the living room carpet to find the television on, and Eddie, stretched out along the couch, fast asleep. Something heavy sank in her chest as she stepped closer, casting her eyes over the room. A can of beer sat on the coffee table as highlight clips of the Minnesota Twins winning the World Series ran on mute on tv. And Eddie, glasses still on, pajamas already donned, breathing deeply on the soft cushions of their couch.

Dani slowly sat beside him on the edge of the couch, her shoulders stiff as she reached out a hand to sweep a dark curl off his forehead, her fingers grazing his skin. He twitched at the contact and Dani held her breath, her hand frozen. His eyes slowly fluttered open, blinking slowly up at her, shifting slightly on his back as a lethargic smile grew on his face. 

“Hey, you,” he murmured, a hand moving to rest against her waist. 

“Hey,” she replied softly, “What are you still doing down here?”

“Was waiting for you.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” she murmured. 

He gave her a shrug. “Wanted to make sure you got home safe,” he said, “Did you have fun?” When Dani nodded, he glanced down at the t-shirt she still wore and he plucked at the fabric with a grin. “Hopefully not too much fun.”

Dani tensed, a sharp retort on the tip of her tongue. She fought it down and tucked it away. Just teasing, she tried to convince herself. Only teasing. 

Before Dani could say anything further, Eddie’s eyes lingered over her torso for a moment longer. “This is new,” he said, running a hand down her arm. 

Frowning, Dani looked down in bewilderment and inhaled a quiet breath at Jamie’s jacket still draped over her. “Oh,” Dani choked out and gave a nervous, small laugh. “It’s - um. It was cold out.”

If Eddie recognized the jacket at all, he gave no indication of it. He simply nodded. Nothing happened, she told herself again, and repeated it like a mantra when it did nothing to help that coil of guilt twisting tighter around her chest. 

Inhaling a steady breath, Dani ran her hand through Eddie’s hair, pulling her mouth into a smile that ached at her cheeks. “Why don’t you go upstairs to bed and I’ll lock up the house,” she told him softly, pushing up his glasses, “I’ll be there soon.”

Eddie gave her an affectionate smile, his eyes heavy with sleep, and murmured, “Promise?”

She blinked at him and slowly nodded. “Yeah,” she whispered. 

He left easily, leaving her with a kiss to her forehead and ascending the stairs with slow steps. Exhaling shakily, running a hand with trembling fingers through her hair, Dani turned off the tv and brought the empty beer can to the kitchen to be shoved under the sink where it would wait to be collected for recycling another day. After gulping down almost an entire glass of water, only then did Dani finally allow herself to register the suede jacket she still wore, to run her hands over the fabric and shut her eyes in the dim kitchen lights, inhaling the lingering smell of woodsmoke and sandalwood. She had to lean back against the counter, pressing the glass of water to her forehead. 

Dani left the glass on the counter and pushed off it, starting towards the garage where her car was parked. It was cold inside, the concrete glacial beneath her feet. She unlocked her car and peeled off Jamie’s jacket, smothering the urge to press the collar against her nose with a hard bite to her lip and folded it neatly before resting it on the passenger seat for the next time she saw Jamie. Shivering, Dani shut the car door shut and felt the coiling tension in her shoulders ease just enough to feel normal again. But when she turned around, her eyes landed on the piles of boxes in the corner and subsequently, the old dirty paperback that she had carelessly tossed aside a week ago. 

She froze and stared at it for a long moment. Her fists pressed tight to her thighs, she made an abortive step forward before realizing what she was doing. For all its terrible prose, there was something there in those yellowed pages that had drawn Jamie to it as a teenager, unlike Dani who shied away from it as though it would bite her hand. She wanted to know what the big deal was. What about it did Jamie like. But still, even just looking at it, Dani felt foolish. Felt like she was sticking her hand in the proverbial cookie jar. 

She wrapped her arms loosely around her stomach, warding off the chill of the garage even as her cheeks warmed, and without another glance, she marched back inside of the house.

--

She tried to forget. For the rest of the week, she tried. But it still lingered there in the back of her mind as she went about her days. In the quiet mornings when she woke, during the hours in between class, the evenings spent with Eddie, the nights restless and too quiet all at once — Jamie. Always Jamie. And that stupid book. 

By Friday evening, driving home after school with Jamie’s jacket still folded next to her in the passenger seat, Dani was at her wits end and determined to just get it over with. Even though she had been expecting it, when Dani pulled up to the house, she was still relieved to find that Eddie wasn’t home yet. When she parked the car in the garage, cutting off the engine and leaving her in the silence, she felt foolish again, as though she was about to commit a crime in her own house by reading a book. She glanced at the jacket beside her, still here even after opportunities arose over the week to return it through Mikey or just waiting long enough for Jamie to pull up at the school. Dani’s knuckles went white on the steering wheel. 

Huffing loudly and rolling her eyes at herself, Dani stepped out of the car and started towards the book. It’s just curiosity, she told herself, nothing to make a big deal out of. She picked it up with an irritated sigh, leaned back against the piles of boxes, and without any fanfare flipped it open to a random page. Somehow, she landed on a page without the obscenity she had been expecting. Boring drivel of a man ardently longing for a woman he couldn't have in prose so outdated she snickered. She flipped to another random page where the woman herself finally made an appearance, but beyond detailed descriptions of her looks, there was still nothing.

Pressing her mouth into a thin line, Dani flipped further along and paused. “Oh,” she murmured, raising an eyebrow at an elaborate description of the pair passionately going at it in the back of a car. 

Dani leaned further against the boxes, tilting her head as she read, feeling her cheeks heat up. As terrible as it was, the prose was detailed and intense and focused intently on the woman involved — how she looked, how she felt, the noises she made, the way her body moved. Dani swallowed thickly as she read a passage of the woman pulling hard on the protagonist's hair that bobbed between her legs. Blinking down at the words, her breath stuttering, Dani skipped to another page, finding another passage of wine-drunk lovemaking on rumpled sheets. It was almost dizzying how many scenes there were. How intent the author was in placing the reader in the shoes of this faceless male protagonist. She felt breathless the more she read, her skin warm, her heart pounding steadily against her chest. 

Flipping to another page, she found another, this time of the woman pressing the man against a wall and dropping to her knees, pulling open his belt with a rakish grin and wanton intent. Dani sucked in a low breath. Jamie on her knees, looking up at her with a smirk and that dangerous glint in her darkened eyes, pliant and eager as Dani, raking a hand through her curls and gripping tight. Jamie moaning as Dani arched her head back by the hair, exposing the long lines of her neck. Jamie’s hands dragging up her legs, her thumbs skimming the soft skin of her inner thighs as Dani pulled her closer and closer to wet heat. 

Dani slammed the book shut. Her breath shallow and unsteady, she tossed it back on the box as though it had scalded her. Her fingers trembling, she pressed a hand over her mouth, desperately trying to cast the images away as well to very little effect. Jamie on her knees. Dark curls tangled between Dani’s knuckles. Tongue licking at a scarred mouth. A spool of heat threaded its way between her legs, a dizzying ache that felt as though she was being torn at the seams. 

Exhaling shakily, Dani smoothed down the lines of her skirt as though she could smooth away the jagged edges of this person she didn’t recognize. This person who walked through her house to her bedroom in a faint daze with the sole intent of washing away the guilt and want with water cold enough to hurt until she could pick up the pieces of herself again for when Eddie got home.

She was used to it by now. Picking up the pieces. But as cold water washed down her shoulders and down her back, staring at the tiles with glazed eyes, biting into the skin of her thumb, she felt no different. Just a futile desire to be rid of the feeling, the scattered remains of her sinking down the drain. And when Eddie finally returned home later, finding her in the kitchen chopping vegetables for dinner and stepping behind her to wrap his arms around her waist in greeting, she let herself sink into it. Letting the comforting warmth of Eddie block away everything else. 

This could be her, she told herself again as she let him kiss her before he pulled up his sleeves to help with dinner. This had to be her. She just wasn’t sure how anymore.

--

Lips pressed against her neck in a lingering kiss, warm and soft against her skin, her eyes fluttering open to the feeling. They slowly made their way down her throat to her shoulders, leaving a trail of hot skin. Her breath caught, feeling as though she was waking up from a deep haze, the world came into sharp focus as a hand skimmed over her ribs down to her hip and thigh.

Dani had been here before. A familiar haunting that came and went through the years. A ghost that shadowed her dreams, unbidden and anticipated in equal measure.

Inhaling another stuttering breath as that warm mouth trailed down her chest, she looked down to find a head of dark curls obscuring the face of the figure pressing into her. A shock of liquid heat coursed down her spine as those lips lavished attention to her breasts, and she couldn’t help the soft moan escaping her. Dani buried a hand into those dark curls, letting her nails drag gently across their scalp. 

“Look at me,” she said, her stomach coiling, her hips twitching as their mouth worked on her. 

But the figure never did. In all the times Dani has been here, the figure never looked up, never caught her eyes and showed their face. They were an amorphous silhouette, submerged in shadow. An outline lit by a familiar dim lamp. An old acquaintance to warm her bed and light a match within her chest. One that descended lower, kissing and biting gently at her ribs and stomach, spreading goosebumps along her skin.  

She was trembling, an ache building between her legs until she felt slick with it. Hands, strong and steady, pressed into her thighs, silently urging her to spread them open. Dani eagerly complied, her breath shallow. “Look at me,” she repeated, her hand tugging at that dark hair, but just as she expected, the shadow ignored her in favor of pressing hot kisses across her hips and down her thighs, biting at soft skin and smoothing it over with their tongue. 

She bit back a moan, pulling harder. The figure groaned low, sending another shock between her legs, clenching at nothing as she strained her ears to the sound. She couldn’t place it. She never could. Her eyes skimmed over shoulders and a lean back that was shrouded in shadow, and for the first time in years knew exactly who she desired this person to be. 

Kisses traveled back up her inner thighs, a slow trail that was steadily driving Dani mad with anticipation as those calloused hands pulled her legs over their shoulders. Heated breath spread over her until finally, a hot tongue ran up the length of her in one long, torturous swipe. She moaned in relief, in the hot press of that mouth working against her and casting a fire under her skin, swirling and sucking with single minded intent. She felt dizzy with it, like she could unfurl and blow away in a derecho gust. 

A hand moved between her legs to slowly press into her, a finger curling and thrusting and pulling sounds from her that left her flushing scarlet. It was almost too much, the sensation tightening the coil at the base of her spine. She fought to keep her eyes open, groaning at the sight of a head of dark curls bobbing between her legs. 

She pulled the hair hard enough to hurt. “Look at me,” she breathed, insistent and urgent as the coil grew tighter. “Jamie, look at me. ”

That face tilted up, eyes dark as a sea at storm, and Dani awoke with a jerk.

There was a gentle hand on her shoulder, shaking her awake. Blinking, she squinted up at Eddie, who was leaning up on one elbow beside her.

“You okay?” he asked, rubbing at a patch of bare skin at her shoulder, his thumb brushing against the lace of her pink nightgown. “You were making little noises in your sleep. I thought it might be one of those nightmares again.”

She shook her head and pushed the bangs from her eyes. “Sorry. I uh –” Lowering her hand to peer up at him, Dani knew he couldn’t see her clearly even this close without his glasses, couldn’t see the flush across her face or the way she clamped her teeth tightly together. “What time is it?” she asked.

“About –” He rolled onto his back so he could check the clock on his bedside table. “– Six? Just after. Plenty of time if you wanted to catch some more shut eye before we have to get up.”

Dani wasn’t tired. Dani’s heart was still racing from the dream. There was a fire dragging its way beneath her skin. She might have been tempted to retreat to the ensuite under the pretence of an early shower, giving herself enough time to work out her current predicament on her own, but that had never worked for her in the past – she had tried several times – and she couldn’t imagine it working now.

Tossing back the duvet, she clambered astride Eddie, shifting so that she wasn’t kneeling on her nightgown, so that the fabric was rucked up around her thighs. “Can we -?”

His expression was startled but he nodded. “Yeah. Sure,” he said, sounding slightly breathless. “I just didn’t think –”

But her hands were already moving to tug him free of his boxer briefs. It wasn’t often she took any sort of initiative in this. It wasn't ever, if she was being honest. The abrupt shift left Eddie looking baffled but excited, his gaze darting from her face to her hands. Dani’s breathing had quickened in anticipation – not of feeling him, but of feeling something – and when she sank down onto him she had to bite back a deep-seated groan. His hands grasped at her waist, but she pushed them aside so that he could only grab the sheets and watch. 

Squeezing her eyes shut, Dani tried to keep quiet, tried to lock away every gasp and sharp inhalation, tried to keep the bed springs from creaking or the headboard from nudging the wall with every hard rock of her hips. She chased after the memory of the dream, swiftly fading, conjuring up the stroke of a tongue and the curl of fingers. She could hear Eddie make a desperate little noise beneath her when she leaned down to fix her teeth into his shoulder. When he tried to lift his head to kiss at her neck, to reciprocate in some way, she grabbed a fistful of his hair and yanked him away.

It was a terrifyingly bad decision, grinding down against Eddie while thinking of someone else. Tremendously wrong to buck her hips, panting into the hollow of his throat, while thinking of Jamie. But her thighs were slick and trembling, and there was a thrill spooling tight as a spring at the base of her spine, and she was close — she was so close —

Dani muffled a noise by biting down, feeling him wince beneath her with a hiss. She shuddered to a halt, forehead pressed against the pillow over Eddie’s shoulder, the cotton fabric of her nightgown sticking slightly to her back. She was still trying to even out her breathing when Eddie carded his hands through her hair to get it out of his face.

“Sorry,” she gasped, slipping free and shifting onto her side so she could roll onto her back beside him. She did not remain there long, breathing heavily towards the ceiling, feeling spent, feeling hollow. She cleared her throat and sat up, raking her hair back with both hands, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. She tensed when she felt a broad hand on her back. 

“Feeling better?” he asked.

Gripping the hem of her nightgown, the cloth bunching up between her fingers, Dani chewed at her lower lip and nodded. The thrum beneath her skin had dwindled to a distant murmur, but in its wake her stomach lurched into her throat. She stood abruptly and announced, “I’m going to take a shower.”

Eddie said something in return, but it did not register. Blindly Dani pushed her way into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her, hand trembling against the cool metal of the handle. She flinched away from the sight of her own reflection in the mirror; she didn’t want to see the mussed quality of her hair or the high color in her cheeks. Instead, she set the shower to heat up while she pulled off her nightgown and used the toilet. When she tugged the shower curtain shut and stepped beneath the water, it was hot enough to scald. 

Steam clogged up the air. It felt like she was drowning in a fog. The spray and the heat should have been soothing, but Dani pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes and had to remind herself that crying in the shower when Eddie could come into the bathroom at any moment was a bad idea. Not nearly as bad an idea as having sex with him while wishing it had been with her best friend instead, but still. Unwise. 

It wasn’t cheating, she told herself. And nothing had happened with Jamie. Nor would it. She wouldn’t. 

She reached for the soap anyway and with shaking hands scrubbed herself clean.

There was a tap at the bathroom door, and then the telltale flux of warm air rushing out as the door opened and Eddie stepped inside. “Mind if I come in?”

For a brief panicked moment Dani thought he meant into the shower , but then there followed the sound of him lifting up the toilet seat and she relaxed. If she washed her hair and pretended the last quarter hour or so hadn’t happened, she could almost fool herself into believing it was a morning like any other morning. Just their normal routine. Sharing a bathroom. Trading off who got to use the shower and who got to brush their teeth. Arguing affably over whose turn it was to make coffee. 

Shutting off the tap, Dani pulled back the shower curtain to find Eddie standing before the sink and inspecting his neck in the mirror.

“You certainly had your way with me,” he said, touching the darkening bruise with his fingertips, head tilted back.

Face flushed scarlet, stomach seething unpleasantly, Dani mumbled, “Sorry.”

He grinned at her askance. “It’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting it, is all. It isn’t your usual style.”

No. Her usual style involved actively avoiding the act all together, and then, when she ran out of excuses, passively lying back and hoping he finished quickly. 

She made a motion towards the towel rack and Eddie handed her a fresh towel. After drying herself off, she stepped from the shower and wrapped the towel tightly around herself. He wore only a shirt, which he was now pulling over his head so he could slip by her to take his turn in the shower. Dani ducked to avoid a sharp elbow.

“Whoops,” Eddie grimaced apologetically, tucking his elbows back into his torso. “Close one.”

She tried to laugh, sounding breathless. 

He grinned, and as he stepped by her he placed a quick kiss to the top of her head. “Thanks for leaving some hot water for me.”

“Yeah,” she said, gripping the towel more tightly around herself. “Of course. I’ll - I’ll go make coffee.”

--

The school had banded together with the neighboring high school and had chosen the theme for this year's Halloween event, which was how Dani found herself allocated a costume for Dorothy. The red sequined shoes barely fit and the dress was too short for her liking. It was only an hour or so into the day's festivities, and already Dani found herself tugging time and time again at the hem in the vain hope that it might somehow stretch the blue and white gingham further towards her knees.

It was a brisk October afternoon and kids — already on a sugar high — were racing about in costume. A large section of the school grounds had been transformed overnight into a maze quadrantid off by bales of hay stacked high, while the back half of the school building itself was now a haunted house. All brick facade and creeping ivy and false cobwebs and fog machines pumping out a soupy mist across the grounds. It seemed that every group of children that passed through the fog was compelled to frolic in it, kicking up swirling clouds and swishing their red and black capes with great delight as the fog curled through the air. One child came scampering up to her, asking for a bottle of water, and she promptly pulled a mini bottle from the basket hung at the crook of her elbow for just that purpose.

"Thanks, Miss Clayton!" he said before racing off into the haunted house section with his friends. Dani waved after him with a distracted smile, her eyes scanning the grounds.

Eddie was manning a booth that gave out candy to students who had finished a series of easter egg hunts throughout the school grounds. He was dressed as a scarecrow, a ruff of straw wreathing his neck, wrists and ankles. As kids rallied to him, waving their slips of paper upon which they had marked off all the items they'd discovered, Eddie pretended to scratch his head over each one, pushing back his wide-brimmed straw hat and feigning stupidity as he attempted to read their lists upside down to a chorus of laughter and chiding from the students.

"He's good with them," said a voice beside her.

Dani started, turning around to find that Hannah had approached her from the main building. "What?" Dani asked dumbly.

Hannah, resplendent in a sparkling pink gown and tiara, gestured with her long star-pointed wand towards Eddie. "With the kids, I mean."

"Oh." Dani glanced back towards Eddie, who was good-naturedly fending off a group of kids from the enormous bag of chocolates and foil-wrapped sweets. He handed them out with a laugh in equal measure, small greedy hands reaching out to swipe them up the moment they were offered. Dani forced on a smile so broad it made her cheeks hurt. "Yeah," she said. "Yeah, he's - he's great. He'd make a good dad."

"Can't say that for many people," Hannah replied dryly.

Dani's laugh was strained. "No, I guess not. Definitely not sure if I'd make as good a mom."

Hannah gave her an odd look. "You're wonderful with kids, dear."

Dani opened her mouth to respond, but before she could speak another student ran up to her and asked if he could still use the bathrooms in the building or if there were portable units on the grounds somewhere. She crouched down to talk to him, sending him off towards the restrooms in the building. When she pushed herself upright once more, Dani turned to Hannah and asked, "Have you seen Jamie anywhere? It's just - I thought she said she was going to volunteer again."

Both dress and tiara sparkled whenever Hannah moved, the bright fabric a lush stark contrast to her dark skin. She tilted her head towards the maze and said, "Miss Taylor was adamant she be allowed to put her hands to work, so I set her to task in there. Last I saw, she was helping a few brawny gentlemen arrange some hay bales around the place."

"That sounds like her," Dani said. Then, seeing just how large the bales of hay were, she frowned and muttered, "She's going to throw her back out one of these days."

Hannah's smile was knowing. "Shall you go check and make sure she's still fit for purpose? Only, I'd hate for our newest and most ardent volunteer to be taken from the line of duty by hay. Bailed up, as it were."

Hannah said it with such a straight face that it took a moment for the pun to register. Dani scrunched up her nose. "Oh, Hannah,” she said somberly. “That was terrible."

Hannah laughed, then tapped Dani's elbow with the end of her wand. "Go on, then. I'll cover for you here."

Shooting her a grateful grin, Dani handed her the woven basket full of water bottles, keeping one for herself as she made her way across the field. Kids streamed around her in flocks. She cast a furtive glance towards Eddie to check if he'd noticed her movements, but he was too busy at his candy booth to take much notice beyond the children demanding his attention. With a tug at the hem of her skirt, Dani ducked her head and continued on.

Even with the sun overhead, the air was cool. Dani wrapped her arms around herself, wishing she had grabbed some sort of shawl to go with the outfit. The white stockings reaching her knees were a saving grace, but the back of her neck was exposed to the autumn air due to the pigtails she had pulled over her shoulders. Fog curled around her ankles as she strode through the entrance of the maze. Towering stacks of hay had been erected on either side like columns to which life-sized plastic skeletons had been hung. Uncarved pumpkins littered the ground at the corners, piled up here and there. 

Without any hesitation, Dani turned down the first fork. Glimmer of red through the mist as her feet carried her unerringly onward. The sounds of the outside world seemed to fade away in here, replaced instead by pre-recorded groans and wails, rattle of chains and spooky laughter fed through strategically located speakers that she spied nestled between pumpkins or ghosts strung from bits of wire. Dani met a dead end and had to turn around to backtrack. At one point she passed by a small group of kids, who shrieked in fearful delight and sprinted past without a word. She watched them go with a slight smile and found that they had been frightened off by a foam gargoyle painted to look like stone that snarled as she drew close, its eyes glowing red. Dani paused to inspect how it worked, poking around the back of the contraption to find the wires and clever sensors.

Hand slipping from the gargoyle's head, she continued on her way. She could hear the sounds of students talking loudly amongst themselves in a row over. Their voices faded when their paths branched apart, until it almost seemed Dani was alone in this place, adrift from space and time with pale walls standing stiffly upright, barricading her in with no exit in sight.

A low growl rumbled up ahead and Dani's footsteps slowed. Frowning, she stepped forward, leaning to one side to peer around a corner. She blinked in surprise when a person in a werewolf costume leapt out from behind a wall of hay, hands covered in rubber-tipped talons, face completely obscured behind a mask that had a ruff of black fur so wild it might have been a lion at one point. An old theatre prop, perhaps. Something recycled from the school's limited budget.

The werewolf lowered their claws and said, "What brings you round these parts, Poppins?"

Dani squinted, seeing a glint of familiar eyes through the holes in the mask. "Is that you, Jamie?"

Jamie's voice was muffled behind layers of rubber and faux fur. "Unfortunately. You would not believe how hot this thing is."

Dani bit her lower lip against a smile. "I was told you were building the maze not terrorizing it."

"None of those blokes could fit in here," said Jamie, gesturing with her paws to the wolf suit. "One too many pies."

Dani pointed with the water bottle. "I hate to break it to you, but I think it’s actually because the outfit was made for kids to wear on stage."

Jamie's head jerked back. "What exactly are you getting at?" she said, a low growl entering her voice.

"Well," said Dani, and she held out a hand to indicate Jamie's height. "If the shoe fits -"

"Finish that sentence. I dare you." Jamie tried to point a threatening finger at her, but the rubber gloves didn't have individual articulated fingers so it just looked like she was waving her hand through the air.

Dani laughed, but they both went silent and turned when they heard approaching footsteps and youthful voices.

"Here," hissed Jamie, waving Dani around the corner. "C'mon! Quickly now!"

"What?" Dani said, but followed her along until they were crowded into another dead end, surrounded by walls on three sides.  

“Gotta do the gig, Poppins. What do you take me for?”

“I hardly think Dorothy is cause for terror, Jamie.”

“Shh. They’re coming.”

Rolling her eyes, Dani went quiet nonetheless. A rubber claw was on her arm, holding her back, but Jamie's wolf mask was pointed in the direction of the voices coming their way, waiting for some unfortunate students to round the corner.

"Ready?" Jamie whispered. "On three. One. Two. Th -"

A shoe stepped into view and Jamie leapt forward with a theatrical snarl, hands raised about her ears to show off the rubber tipped claws. Two students — a boy and a girl, both far too old to be in any of Dani's classes — jumped back a step in surprise. The boy screamed, his voice high pitched, lifting his arms to cover his face, but the girl beside him recovered quickly. Her initial fright fell from her face, and she sighed.

"Calm down, Spence," she said, smacking his stomach lightly with the back of her hand. "It's only Dorothy and Toto."

At that, Jamie gave a very convincing growl from beneath the wolf mask, but the girl only scowled and pointed at Jamie. "Bad dog!" she scolded.

Jamie lowered her arms, and even though Dani couldn't see her face she appeared thoroughly put out. Meanwhile the girl turned to the boy and said, "I told you we should've just gone to the bleachers. Come on."

And without further ado, she grabbed his arm and hauled him back down the way they had come. Dani cleared her throat to disguise the laugh that threatened to escape, covering her mouth with her hand. Jamie turned, lifting her mask away and grumbling, "Well, that was embarrassing."

Beneath the mask, Jamie's cheeks were pink and bright. Dani shrugged and said, "I thought you were very scary."

"Yeah, well, I do my best." Peeling the mask completely free, Jamie chucked it to the ground before working on ridding herself of the paws. "Poor sod," she muttered. "Thought he was going to get lucky, but instead he ran into us."

Dani frowned. "What do you mean?"

Casting the paws atop the mask, Jamie jerked her thumb over her shoulder. "Didn't you hear that bit about the bleachers? Bet those two were aiming to have a good time, if you know what I mean."

Dani made a face. The last thing she liked thinking about was students engaging in those sorts of extracurricular activities. "You'd think they'd be more creative than the bleachers. I can't imagine you get much privacy there."

"Oh, you'd be surprised," Jamie said dryly. Her hair was plastered to her sweaty neck and forehead, and it was utterly distracting. Dani had lifted her hand to her mouth before she could realize what she was doing, teeth setting into the skin of her thumb. With a frown, she yanked her hand back down, crossing her arms.

"The bleachers?" Dani said, crinkling her nose. "Really?"

Jamie hummed around a crooked smile. "Best place, though?" she said and lowered her voice, glancing around covertly as though they might be overheard. "Definitely the old art room on the third floor. Always empty on Wednesdays and Fridays. You can get away with murder in there."

Dani’s mouth worked, but no noise came out; she struggled to imagine how Jamie could have known this information. And then she could imagine it. All too clearly. Jamie pressing her back against the wall of a darkened room surrounded by art supplies. Jamie ducking her head to mouth against her neck. Jamie's hands and Jamie's eyes and Jamie grinding up against her with heady reckless abandon. Stolen moments between classes. Fingers drifting beneath her skirt, rucking the fabric up her thighs.

"God, get me out of this bloody thing," Jamie grumbled, trying to reach for the zipper over her shoulder.

Dani started. She felt flushed and flustered. "Oh, uh -" she stammered.

Jamie had already turned around, groping around her back and looking thoroughly pathetic while doing so. "Bit of help here?" she asked.

Clearing her throat, Dani swallowed down the rise of heat in her stomach. She stepped forward and reached for the zipper that was caught midway between Jamie's shoulder blades. For a moment she hesitated to touch her — touching Jamie was dangerous, touching Jamie was incendiary and she was a box of tinder ready to go up in smoke — but then Dani gently nudged Jamie's hands aside so she could reach the zipper. She tugged it down. The teeth caught in clumps of faux fur that she had to brush aside in order to continue, and she revealed Jamie beneath, inch by inch.

Dani's mouth went dry. Beneath the suit, Jamie was wearing a white tank top and jean shorts that should have been criminalized. The peaks and troughs of Jamie's spine faintly gleamed with sweat in the low light, and Dani had to swallow back the image of licking a stripe along it to the base of her neck. Her hands were trembling by the time she dragged the zipper all the way down. She didn't realize she had been holding her breath until she stepped away and inhaled deeply, feeling faintly dizzy.

"Thanks," Jamie said, pushing the suit off her shoulders and lumbering free.

"Mmm," was the only response Dani could muster.

It should have helped. Earlier that morning. With Eddie. It was supposed to have helped. Taken off the edge. Looking at Jamie now felt like handling the wrong side of a knife. Dani had to skirt her eyes delicately around glimpses of Jamie for fear of being cut — the sweat-slicked curl of her hair, the tip of her throat back as she raked her hands through it, the cling of white fabric to her ribs, the sliver of skin revealed above her waistband, the ragged line of her too short jeans high against her thighs.

Dani was gripping the water bottle so tightly, it was a miracle the top didn't go flying off into the grass. Jamie turned, free of the suit and looking utterly divine in a slant of afternoon light; she pointed towards the bottle in Dani's hands and asked, "Don't suppose you can spare a drop for me?"

Flustered, Dani shoved the bottle of water into Jamie's hands. The brisk October air had been too cold not long ago, but now Dani shrugged against a prickle of heat between her shoulder blades, desperately wishing she had worn something lighter. 

Jamie had unscrewed the water bottle and tipped it back, throat working as she drank. Dani watched the line of her neck, lips parted, until Jamie lowered the water bottle with a gasp of relief and a murmured, “Cheers.”

When she tried to hand the half-finished bottle back to her, Dani held up her hands. “Oh, no. It’s all yours.” 

She didn’t screw the top back on, and instead fiddled with it in her free hand. Jamie’s cheeks were still flushed, though whether it was from the chill in the air or the lingering heat of the costume, Dani could not tell. Jamie’s gaze roved over her as though she were getting a proper look at her for the first time without the mask. 

“That’s quite a dress,” said Jamie with a long fading wolf-whistle. 

Dani grimaced and tugged at the hem again. “Yeah. The outfit only came in one size.”

“Who picked the theme this year?” 

“One of the parents, I think?” Dani said. “It went to a vote, or something. I don’t know, exactly. Hannah’s the one who handles all that kind of thing, bless her heart.”

“Well,” Jamie eyed the length of Dani’s skirt or rather lack thereof, “Can’t complain.”

At a loss for words, Dani gave the hem one final tug, then curled her hands into fists to keep herself from fidgeting. Lifting the bottle to her mouth once more for a sip, Jamie smirked around it at her. Mouth full of water, Jamie gestured to her with the bottle, swallowing before she asked, “So, what brings you to my corner of the world?”

“Just,” Dani laughed briefly, nervously, “Just wanted to make sure everything was all right. And to thank you for volunteering. Again.”

“Not a problem,” said Jamie. “Feel like I should do my guardian duty, or whatever. And if that involves me dressing up as a wolf man and playing tiddlywinks, then -” she shrugged, grinning, “- so be it.”

“Well, if you need another player, then -” 

“I’ll be sure to give you a ring,” Jamie said dryly.

“I can’t promise it’ll be more fun than the third floor art room. Or the bleachers, apparently,” Dani said and she hoped her smile appeared genuine and not as jittery as she felt.

Jamie raised an eyebrow. “You and Ed really never went around campus and -?” her voice trailed off suggestively and she made an explicit motion with the water bottle.

Dani shook her head, ears burning. “God, no.”

“Not an adventurous bone in your body. The lot of you,” Jamie sighed, sounding vaguely disappointed. “C’mon, then. Let’s go.” She gestured for Dani to follow her and as she turned away she lifted the water bottle to her lips for another sip.

“To the third floor art room?” Dani blurted out incredulously.

Jamie choked. She lowered the bottle and had a coughing fit into her hand. By the time she had finished, she was red in the face and screwing the cap back onto the bottle. “I meant -” she said, wheezing slightly. She thumped her chest, then spoke more clearly, “I meant just - out there. In general.”

“Oh. Right,” Dani said. “Right. Of course. Do we go -?” 

She made a motion to back track the way she had come, but Jamie shook her head. “No need for that. This way.” 

Climbing halfway up the wall, Jamie fished around the top until she found a pair of wooden handled bale hooks. After dropping back down to the ground, she hefted the hooks in both hands and began swiftly dismantling a section of the wall, dragging bales down one by one until there was a gap wide enough for them to comfortably walk through. Jamie bent over to pick up the discarded costume, suit dangling from one of the hooks over one shoulder, she jerked her head towards the exit. “You coming?”

Dani tugged at the hem of her skirt. Every step seemed to make the fabric ride higher up her thighs until she gripped the cloth between both hands to keep it in place as she walked. “Really wish I’d had enough time to lengthen this,” she muttered under her breath. Her sewing skills weren’t anything to call home about, but she’d had enough practise to not be completely terrible — darning Eddie’s clothes, adding patches to the faded elbows of his favourite sweaters. 

Jamie laughed. “It does look like you’re trying to scandalize a few parents.”

“Is it working?” 

Jamie’s answering grin was slow, her eyes measuring the distance between Dani’s hem and Dani’s knees. “Wouldn’t know,” she said finally. “I’m not a parent.”

Dani had to swallow back an answering tightness in her throat. She glanced towards the partially dismantled wall of the maze behind them and said, “Do we need to put it back?”

Jamie made a considering noise before replying, “Fuck it. Let one of the others worry about that. Left me here to fend off a pack of savage teenagers by myself, the gutless bastards."

Dani's laugh was startled but real. "They can be quite a handful when they're older, it's true."

Jamie watched her with a warm gaze, looking pleased with herself for making her laugh. "They can. I remember those days myself. Very well, in fact."

"Not sure if any of these cases are quite so dire," Dani said. She jogged forward a few steps to catch up to Jamie so that the two of them walked side by side. "Can you imagine if Mikey snuck off in the middle of the night to throw toilet paper rolls over the neighbor's house?"

"That was one time," Jamie grumbled.

"Or what about stealing Nan’s truck to sneak into a bar in Des Moines with a fake ID?"

"All right, all right. You've made your point. I was a bad kid."

Jamie was smiling but it did not reach her eyes. Dani reached out, curling her fingers around Jamie's narrow wrist to bring her to a halt. Jamie stopped, looking at her in confusion. They had been walking along the outer perimeter of the maze, and the walls of straw and hay still shielded them from the rest of the grounds. Jamie's skin was warm to the touch — she had always run to the warm side, hot-blooded as they come. Dani should have let her go, should not have tempted herself so, but she traced her thumb over the tendons of Jamie's inner wrist and thought — hoped — that she felt the leap of a pulse beneath. Or perhaps that was just her own heartbeat, a rapid bruit in her chest.

"No," Dani said softly. "You were a wonderful kid. I was just - I was only teasing."

For a moment Jamie seemed at a loss for words. Then, she shook her head with a wry grin. "I know," she said, but it sounded like a lie. "It's fine. I know."

Dani retracted her hand too quickly, snatching it back to grip the hem of her gingham skirt. Jamie's eyes followed the movement, and Dani could see her chewing on the inside of her cheek. Then, Jamie cocked her head and took a step in the direction they had been walking. "Shall we?"

"Yeah. Yeah, of course."

They continued along, rounding the final stretch of the maze's perimeter until they reached the front entrance. Kids were still trickling inside in packs, but most roved the lawn or otherwise made their way through the school turned haunted mansion. Some were getting their faces painted by the school's only art teacher, who had a line of students waiting by her booth. Eddie stood before his own booth, shrugging apologetically at a group of kids and bouncing the empty sack of candy up and down in his hand.

His head lifted, scanned the area, and even from this distance Dani could see the way his face lit up when he caught sight of them. Dani steeled herself upon his approach, straightening her shoulders and tugging at the hem of her skirt. 

Leaning closer, Jamie said under her breath, “You dress him in that?”

Dani blinked at her, then looked at Eddie’s scarecrow outfit. “Yes. Why?”

Jamie shook her head but she looked like she was trying to hold back a laugh. “No reason. Just very fitting, isn’t it?”

“Be nice,” Dani murmured.

“I’m always nice.”

Dani was about to call her out for being a liar, but Eddie’s stride was long-legged and swift and he stood before them with a broad smile. “Hey, you two. Having a good time?”

“As much as I can,” Jamie answered. “Never really understood Halloween, myself. Very American holiday. Good honest folk should be burning effigies of Catholics this time of year instead. But the kid loves it, so -” she broke off with a shrug. “Needs must.”

“Where is Mikey? I haven’t seen him all day.” Dani asked.

“Dunno. Cut out some eyeholes in a sheet for his ghost costume this morning, and haven’t seen him since.”

Dani gave her a look. “Jamie.”

Rolling her eyes, Jamie said, “I’m sure he’s having a good time with friends and not with his big sister sticking her nose into his business every five seconds.”

“Please tell me you got him a better costume than that.”

Jamie looked sheepish as she scratched at the back of her head. 

“Oh, no,” Dani murmured. She turned to Eddie. “Does your mom still have some of your old costumes at her place?”

Eddie frowned. “Probably? She tends to keep that kind of stuff in the basement. Always gives me the creeps going down there and seeing our old action figures and costume masks and stuff all piled up in the corner.” 

“Perfect.” Dani said, pointing at Jamie. “You can go around to Judy’s and have Mikey pick out a decent costume for trick or treating tonight.”

Jamie stared at her. “Seriously? Do you want to give the kid a costume or nightmares?”

“It’s not that bad.”

“Piles of costume masks and action figures?” Jamie repeated, incredulous. “Might as well have said there’s haunted Victorian dolls down there. Christ.”

“Yeah, I’m with her on this one,” Eddie said, jerking his thumb towards Jamie, who made a gesture as if to say ‘thank you.’

“Cowards,” Dani said, shaking her head. “The both of you.”

Jamie appeared utterly unruffled by this accusation. On the other hand, Eddie gave a bashful laugh and ducked his head. He scratched at the ruff of straw at his neck, pulling it away slightly to reveal the hickey bright and broad and bold against his skin. 

“Good night?” Jamie asked, grinning and pointing at his neck with the now empty water bottle.

Beside her Dani went bright red and found the grass beneath their feet endlessly interesting. 

“Uh -” said Eddie.

Clearing her throat, Dani crossed her arms and said pointedly to him, “You - uh - Did you run out of candy?”

She ignored the way Jamie was watching them. She didn’t want to look at her, didn’t want to see the expression on Jamie’s face, didn’t want to know what she was thinking. 

“Yeah,” said Eddie. He made a motion over his shoulder back towards the booth he had been manning all afternoon. “The kids cleaned me out. Do you know if I need to get more, or -?”

Dani nodded. “I’ll go find Hannah and talk to her.”

“Great. Thanks.”

Despite her words, Dani did not move. She felt rooted in place, as though the earth had risen up and grasped her by the ankles, holding her fast. A heavy awkward silence had settled over them, disturbed only by the sounds of gaggles of students passing around them and the pre-recorded screams and moans from the nearby maze. 

“Right. Well,” Jamie finally said, knocking the water bottle against her own thigh. “I’ll be off, then. Got a costume I need to pick up, apparently.”

“Right,” Dani repeated, relieved, already taking a halting step towards the building and away from them. “Yeah. I’ll - uh -”

Jamie was backing away, bringing the bottle up to her brow in a mocking sort of salute. “Yeah. ‘Course. Catch you both later.” 

Dani didn’t wait to see her go. With one last parting wave in Eddie and Jamie’s general direction, she headed off towards the main school building. The flush had spread along her neck and ears, and she gripped the edges of the skirt so tightly between her fists she could feel the material crumple between her fingers. She couldn’t think of a time she walked so fast in her life.

She found Hannah speaking with one of the contractors out by the parking lot. The man was nodding thoughtfully, listening to her speak. When Hannah saw Dani walking towards her, she gave the man a gentle pat on the arm, and he inclined his head before rounding the back of his truck for more supplies.

Dani waited a few polite paces away until they’d finished their conversation, during which time her stomach twisted itself into knots. It felt as though it was trying to eat itself like a live snake.

“Everything all right, dear?” Hannah asked, brow furrowed in faint concern.

“Yeah,” Dani choked out. “Yeah. Everything’s - Everything’s great.” 

[hargrove-mayfields]

Just A Dream Away

Chapter 11/13 read here on ao3!

for @harringrovebigbang

~~~~

Their plan to rescue Billy is as follows:

Kali will take them to the place she saw in the dream circle, they’ll show up ready for a fight, though they’re hoping they don’t find one, and the kids are to stay at home with Nancy and Joyce unless they’re called upon, while they wait for the action preparing everything to do with communication and first-aid. El gets an exception from the otherwise nonnegotiable rule, in part because she refuses to let her sister go alone, perhaps too traumatized by already losing her father to leave her side, but mainly because she has the advantage of having had powers before.

Their window of opportunity to get Billy out without letting free any monsters is far too slim to chance bringing anyone else along on the mission, having such a large group sure to draw unwanted attention to themselves, and possibly get them all slaughtered without the luck and the superpowers they had before on their side.

Steve hands Robin the keys to his car, silently telling her she should be the one to drive them. He’s too on edge to do it himself, his emotions so shot with each new discovery they’ve made tonight he’s sure he’d crash it, and Kali and El are busy acting as their navigators.

Everyone in this car knows about Billy and Steve, so they don’t have to be discreet about the fact that the place they’re going, as Kali described it ‘Billy’s lovers home,’ is basically to Steve’s backyard. He wonders, the nearer they get to that overly familiar place, how long Billy has been wandering in the area, and how much sooner he could have found him if he wasn’t at work or with Robin all the time, but he tries not to think about that, focusing instead on saving him now.

They park near his house, Steve getting out first and popping the trunk to get the nail bat, which he kept in his car for emergencies and honestly just because he didn’t know what else to do with it, while the girls look for flashlights in the glove box.

Steve closes the trunk, it’s metal clang echoing off the trees more than usual in the strangely silent night, his weapon thrown casually over his shoulder, “Are we ready?”

Kali and El nod, identical looks of dedication and bravery in their features. Robin’s answer is lighter, starting with a tired sigh before her equally as worn response, “As we’ll ever be.”

Steve leads the way because he knows these woods, grew up playing in them with all the other snot-nosed brats in the area who would never have to know the truth about what lurked in the outskirts of their childhood memories. He wishes he was still that kid, who was clueless about

After a while of wandering, the directions from Kali seeming to lead them only to fallen down trees and a frozen creek, Steve wonders aloud, “You said he’s looking for a gate?”

“Yes. There’s one in these woods even. Before, there was a girl taken in your backyard, correct?”

Steve frowns, answering, unsure how Kali knows that or what the relevance is, “Uh. Yeah?”

“I believe the gate was created in the woods by the monster when it took her through. Billy must have found or been led to that old, now sealed gate, and is trying to escape through it now.”

“How do we find it though?”

“I know. I saw it.” El chimes in, with her powers gone, her other natural senses like memory stronger.

“You saw it? When was this?” Kali asks, a gentle coach for her apprehensive sister, who explains, “Before. When Will was lost.”

“So it’s been awhile. Do you still remember the way?”

El nods, and Kali smiles encouragingly, “Then take us there, Jane.”

The woods seem so much bigger when it’s dark and Steve is looking for his dying boyfriend, the tension and frustration as they pass by endless rows of trees in the freezing cold air with no signs of Billy draining away the hope he’d been building, and making him irritated with their seemingly unhurried pace.

Finally, once Steve feels like he’s going to panic, El whispers, pointing to a dead tree, a faint red glow emanating from under its bark, “There.”

Putting her arm out across Robin's chest and holding El’s hand to keep the group from moving further, Kali warns, “Stay away from it. It’s been used recently.”

But Steve ignores her warning, ignoring the threat of whatever was in there and approaching the tree, “That means Billy could be out here.”

He disturbs the quiet they were moving slowly to try to preserve, calling out, “Bills? Billy baby, where are you?”

A faint growl from an unseen monster sends shivers up the spines of the three girls, but Steve is still too distracted, his rational sense too entrapped in the throes of panic to notice the sound, and, as he is holding heir only weapon, Robin hisses at him, “Steve, I love you, but please shut up. There could be a monster out here.”

“No. Billy is out here too, and I have to help him, Rob.” He insists, turning and “Billy? Are you out here? Please!”

“Steve, just listen to me for five seconds!”

“What is it, Robin!”

She stays silent, gesturing to the empty air, and Steve is about to ask what he’s supposed to be looking at when he hears the snarls and chitters she must have been hearing, his stomach dropping at the realization that there was something close by, “Oh shit..”

“Yeah, oh shit!” Robin whisper-yells, “What the hell are we going to do now, dingus?”

Steve bites his lip, has to think hard about how to fix this mistake he’d made, “Kali, do you feel Billy?”

She nods seriously, “I do, and I can reach him and guide him from here, but I will only do it once it’s safe.”

“Then I’ll keep the monster held off. You just stay here and start looking.” He plots, and Kali nods again, doesn’t like taking orders but recognizes the urgency and danger of the situation is to blame for Steve’s bluntness with her.

Robin also knows Steve well enough to know what he means by that declaration, and she instantly insists, her town laced with desperation, “I’m coming with you.”

“We’ve only got one nail bat, Robs. Stay here with El and Kali. I want Billy to see a familiar face when he gets out anyways.”

Robin’s lip quivers slightly, and she throws her arms around Steve, despite the awkward one armed hug he has to give her because of the bat. She mumbles into his shirt, “I love you, Stevie. Please be safe.” She chuckles wetly, tears obvious in her voice, “I’ll kill you if you die out there.”

Holding her tight, but not letting his emotions through, not yet anyways, he assures her, “Love you too, Robs. I’ll be careful, I promise.”

Breaking the hug with Robin, he waves to the sisters and sets off from the group, waiting until he can’t see them anymore to call, “Hey!! Come out and get me, you big asshole!”

When there’s nothing but the distant sound of rustling, like it heard him but won’t come, he has the sense that the monster is aware of both groups, and is deciding which to go after, so Steve pricks the his finger on the end of the sharpest nail on purpose, hoping his blood will attract the monster more than Kali’s, “That’s right, come this way and fight me!”

That catches its interest, and for the first time he is able to make out the creature's figure as it moves closer to him. What he’s expecting is for it to charge at him at any second, that was his goal after all, but what Steve is very much not anticipating, is for it to rise to its back legs, a fully grown demogorgon only slightly smaller than the first one he’d faced, “Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit.”

Steve raises his bat, taking in every detail of the monster before they have to fight. It’s more frail than the one he’d fought before, he guesses because it has no leader. It seems less violent, from the way it just sort of watches him, not immediately starting its attack. He notices then, that this demogorgon is not more good natured or more weak than the other, but that it’s already been injured in a fight.

Right in the center of its chest is a bleeding hole almost as wide as the demogorgon itself, seemingly made by a shotgun blast. Because of the way this thing is, Steve knows that the wound isn’t hurting it much, but also that it’s exploitable. That, if he can just drive the end of his bat through that tender spot, it will die.

He decides he’s not going to wait for it to recuperate, and he charges first, bat clutched in both hands and raised over his head, his focus on driving through.

But as small a threat as this demogorgon seems, it still has a lot of teeth and a good bit of fight left in it, because it swipes Steve out of the way like a small annoyance, claws catching on his face just enough to leave two small, stinging scratches, and knock the bat out of his hands.

He scrambles for his weapon, dodging an attempt at a bite on his arm when he reaches for the bat, swinging it as soon as it’s back in his hands, hitting its face and tearing its flesh.

While it roars, in anger and pain and probably frustration that he’s beating it, Steve backs away, avoiding the blind, angry swings of its claws at him,

Again, he doesn’t give the demogorgon the chance to recover before he attacks, this time going for its legs, hoping to get the advantage by getting it on the ground. It easily dodges those swings, so Steve switches tactics, afraid to let the thing get too much confidence that it can beat him and tear him to shreds for making it mad, instead swinging and sticking that nails in its back repeatedly.

The combination of making it turn trying to grab for him behind it and the attack works, the creature sinking to its knees, the ultimate sign of submission and weakness.

Steve takes a deep breath, hoping this isn’t just a trap, the monster trying to look weak so it can trick him into coming close and finish him off. He raises the bat high over his head, plunging it with both hands through the already weak center of its chest.

It wasn’t a trap. The demogorgon hisses and shrieks, horrible sounds that make Steve let go of the bat and cover his ears, without the support of the bat, the monster falling to the dirt, dead if he’d ever seen one.

Steve puts his shoe on its neck, just in case, and pries the bat back out from its body, halfway down past the nails now completely coated in thick monster blood and gore. He grimaces, sticking it instead in the mud and leaning on it while he catches his breath, too terrified of what he’d been able to do, or rather, what he had to do in order to save his friends and Billy, who still might not survive all of this, to celebrate his own victory.

While it sits with him, and the adrenaline rush that carried him to killing a demogorgon gradually calms down, the radio in his pocket starts up. Through the intense static, he’s able to hear broken up bits of his name, but the words are stuck in his throat, unable yet to respond.

“Steve?” Slowly he can make out that it’s Robin’s voice calling to him, her tone getting gradually more desperate, “Steven Carson Harrington, come through right the hell now!”

He recognizes her fear, and that he should probably be dead right now, and only after he’s had enough time to sit with that thought is he ready to respond, “M’here, Rob. I’m here.”

On the other end, Robin sighs, immensely relieved by him making contact, has apparently been trying for longer than Steve had been able to hear in close range of the monster, “Jesus, Steve. I thought you were..”

“Not yet, Robs. I’m not that easy to get rid of.”

“And the demogorgon?”

“It’s dead.” Steve answers quickly, though he can’t find it in himself to give any details, anxiously moving the conversation along to, “Please tell me you have good news for me.”

He can hear the relieved smile on her voice as Robin responds, “I do. We’ve got him, Steve. We have Billy.”

[galadrieljones]

Some Biblical Symbolism in TWD 10c (Team Delusional)

Okay so I am VERY behind on the times, due to a ton of family engagements lately; however, now I’m trying to catch up and in doing so, I’m just going to make posts looking at all my recent, random notes from 10c and beyond.

This post starts by looking at the symbolism in the Bible verse that’s referenced in 10.19 “One More.”  This one verse in particular lead me down a lot of other Biblical rabbit holes, and I’ll try to talk about how they pertain to existing Team Delusional arguments, plus some other stuff!!

David and King Saul

The Bible verse I took down in my notes for the episode is 1 Samuel 16, specifically 16:21. This chapter is about God sending Samuel to anoint a new King of Israel after Saul basically pisses him off. Samuel chooses David, a young shepherd and son of Jesse, who is also a wonderful musician. He plays the lyre.

I remember reading about David when I was looking into Daryl/Biblical imagery. Initially I took Daryl’s fight w Beta in season 10 up in that tower to be a David vs. Goliath fight, but after reading more deeply into it, I scrapped the comparison. I read more into David and was actually more taken with him as relatable to Beth. More on that and how this impacts TD in a minute.

In 1 Samuel, King Saul of the Israelites is being tormented by demons (sent by god ofc) and sends his servant to bring him a musician to soothe his brain. The servant suggests David who comes to play the lyre for him and befriends his son. Anyway, consumed with fear that David is going to oust him, Saul tries to kill David, so David goes on the run, as a fugitive, basically until Saul and his son are killed, and then David returns and takes his place as King of the Israelites.

Anytime Gabriel is in the scene, there’s Biblical shit. So I was on top of "One More.” I didn’t really know what to make of the story with Saul and David and why it’s featured in this episode, so I talked to my husband who doesn’t watch the show (which is good because he’s coming at my questions unbiased) but he knows the Old Testament super well. I asked him whether Saul was supposed to be a “villain,” or merely a tortured king. My husband said Saul is not a villain, but a king who is meant to symbolize the unique plight of kings and leaders often characterized as the Sword of Damocles, ie: the sword always hanging over their head, and how the constant threat of death and/or usurpation can push them to great fear, madness, paranoia, and hasty decisions.

As the de facto leader of Alexandria, Gabriel is now in the same exact unique bind for which he sold out Rick to Deanna in season 5. He is potentially becoming a Saul figure, with the pressures of leadership causing him to turn away from his faith. This is a MAJOR shift in character dynamics for the show, as well as a big reference to Season 5 (an important season for TD, obviously). Season 5 Rick is also a very good Saul, as we see him falling to madness, hubris, and fear, and on the clear path to losing his people and his throne. I think we’re witnessing Gabriel now in a similar scenario in which his actions have finally begun to bear the weight of his responsibilities as a leader. He kills Mays because Mays is a killer and unhinged. It’s why Rick wants to and eventually does kill Pete in season 5. Gabriel killing Mays startles Aaron, and it isn’t pretty, but to him, it’s the right thing to do, even as it belies his cloth and belies his faith to do so. 

With his eyes, one light/one dark, as well as his priesthood, Gabriel is a perfect canvas for this sort of Saul struggle, especially now, as Michonne is gone, and Siddiq is dead, and he is not only the leader of Alexandria but now a father to a child, and this only further complicates his motivations. I also think this whole thing, ie: Gabriel as Saul might be another purposeful recycling of seasons 5, which 10c has been doing a lot. As has already been pointed out by @twdmusicboxmystery​, “One More” also rehashes a lot of themes and scenarios from “Still.” The entirety of 10c is consumed with cycles.

Saul and David through the Team Delusional Lens

ON THAT NOTE: Beth is an interesting David figure, since David’s main role before he becomes king is as a musician. You probably remember mention of David in the Leonard Cohen song “Hallelujah,” which references both David’s music as well as his later affair with Bathsheba. David’s music soothes the king, and we could say the same thing about Beth in seasons 3 and 4. Further, Dawn in season 5 is another Saul figure who has lost control of her kingdom due to weakness, fear, and selfishness. Beth, like David, is taken into her service (where she DOES sing, and where she calmly professes, “I still sing”), befriends another of Dawn’s young orderlies (such as David befriending Saul’s son), and then when she becomes a threat, Dawn *attempts* to kill her. Ofc in the Bible David just goes on the lam until Saul is killed by the Philistines, and then David becomes king of the Israelites. In TWD, Beth “dies.”

So by this allusion, if applied in template fashion, after Dawn (Saul) is killed, Beth (David) would return to Grady and become its new leader, something I think TD has discussed before.

Other Biblical Allusions and Curiosities:

Jesse and Samuel: Characters from 5b-6a. Samuel of the Bible is a child prophet, and Samuel of TWD is a “sensitive” child who, in the opening of 6.8, is surrounded by a lot of prophetic imagery, including a drawing of a blond person tied to a tree while surrounded by walkers, a toy firetruck, as well as the ants, breaching the window and swarming a cookie, which predicts or mirrors the walkers breaching the wall. This scene is full of TD imagery, which I’m sure other theorists have already rehashed, ie: the tree trunk, the number 8, even a cyclops (one-eyed) action figure on the dresser. Jesse is Samuel’s mother in 5b, and until I read more into Samuel, I didn’t realize that Jesse was a Bible character as well, and that he was David’s father, while Samuel is the prophet who anoints David as king. These are mostly minor characters, but as is a lot of stuff in season 5, they pack a lot of symbolic punch.This is also just me pointing to the fact that TWD has used more direct symbolism involving Samuel and David before, as well as indirect symbolism, and just general allusion. Samuel is also connected to key imagery that appears again and again.

^ (This is not the first blond we’ve seen tied to a tree in TWD.)

Gabriel the Archangel: Gabriel the archangel is a very interesting character in the Bible, as he is seen as not only a fierce defender of the Israelites, but per Christian tradition, he is also the angel who visits the Virgin Mary and foretells the birth of Jesus Christ. I know that TD has discussed Father Gabriel as a Beth “proxy” or as symbolically juxtaposed with Beth, often referencing him as a Sirius symbol, post-partial-blindness, echoing the one-eyed dog from “Still.” The Biblical imagery is consistent with this argument, especially when combined with argument that Beth is a Christ figure to be resurrected, ie: Gabriel is here to “herald” Beth’s return. Ofc, this could be applied to Rick as a Christ figure as well (who sacrifices himself to save his people); however, we know that Rick is not dead, which is inconsistent with the crucifixion, ie: Jesus literally “died” (or was perceived to have died) and came back to life. Further, in Christian tradition as well as in John Milton’s Paradise Lost, Gabriel is credited as the angel blowing the trumpet that signals the return of Christ to the living (Gabriel’s horn). What I’m saying is, Gabriel is a herald. He heralds both the birth of and the return of Christ to the land of the living. It again does not feel like coincidence that Gabriel is introduced during season 4, at the very beginning of Beth’s arc.

Dark vs. Light: Does anyone else find it extremely fishy that Gabriel, Beth, and Daryl are all shown with prominent costume/features that juxtapose dark/light? What I mean is: Gabriel’s eyes, Daryl’s ankle coverings, and Beth’s shoelaces at Grady--all feature one dark, one light. Tbh I am not sure how this is even a Biblical thing (other than the overt good vs. evil connotations), but it just strikes me as further credence for how these characters must be connected. Gabriel as a reference to the one-eyed dog is more evidence tying them all together, further, the light/left dark/right arrangement is the same on Beth and Gabriel, whereas it is reversed on Daryl. I have always found the choice for Beth’s shoelaces to be strange, obviously correlated to Daryl’s ankle coverings, but I’m not sure why. I do know that this kind of visual imagery is not happening by mistake, though I don’t have a good hypothesis for what this means beyond the connection itself. Or, not yet at least. Give me time lol.

Anyway, I think this is all I have for now! If anyone has any thoughts or additions, please let me know. ^_^

[lovelikedestiny]

May trust be my blanket

With a startled blink Nile accepts the car keys Andy is holding out to her without a word and with a clearly encouraging look that does not allow any contradiction. Of course, it is not uncommon for Nile to drive their getaway car, although it took Andy a while to voluntarily give up her place behind the wheel. But when the others are busy giving them cover or when Nile is the only one with functioning limbs or the fastest, she's behind the wheel and steers them out of the danger zone.

But today is the first time that Andy gives her the keys without a protest, or a laughable discussion and Nile doesn't know why. Neither Andy, nor Joe or Booker are injured, so they have to heal and therefore cannot drive, and the mission actually went off without a lot of blood and guts. Nile finally has no blood in her hair, which is really hard to get out and her shirt only has two holes in it and luckily is not one of her favorite tops. However, Nile has learned to listen to her superiors and to trust their decisions and it is natural that she sees Andy as her boss. The others do that too and with Andy's badass charisma and her iron will, it's no wonder. So, Nile slides behind the steering wheel and starts the car while Andy takes the passenger seat and Joe and Booker climb into the back seats. As soon as Nile drives off, she sees in the rearview mirror how Joe's knee jerks restlessly up and down and his dark gaze constantly scans the area outside the window. It is very likely that he will not relax until they have picked up Nicky. And Nile, who has often observed the centuries-old couple interacting with each other, cannot blame him. Nicky and Joe kind of come in twos and just like everything else they do, they're disgustingly cute even on missions. The alley in which they are supposed to pick up Nicky is a few minutes away from their place of work and is inconspicuous. The Italian acted as their sniper during this mission and was positioned in a skyscraper near the office complex, from where he had a perfect field of vision and the greatest possible range of fire. Nicky had been lying in wait there for three days because Copley had been unable to narrow down the time window for their target's arrival. Nile would have been too impatient for this job and is still wondering how Nicky manages to lie motionless for hours in front of a telescopic sight waiting for the one ideal shot, but the former crusader has more patience than anyone else Nile knows. Because of this, she was glad that she, Andy, Booker and Joe had to make sure that no one was around to make things as easy as possible. Nile would rather have something to do than to be condemned to wait somewhere and she would have gone mad in the sniper's nest that Nicky had set up in a small apartment. They haven't seen Nicky for three days, couldn't give up their covers to be ready at all times, and the separation from his husband pretty obviously gnaws at Joe. But even Nile cannot deny having missed Nicky, who is a calm and grounding constant in their small group. There is no way she can tell whether Nicky was bothered by being alone, the Italian is not a man of many words and mostly quiet, but she hates not having anyone to talk to and would probably have started talking with a bag of chips or a granola bar. Even though Nicky had been physically separated from them, his radio announcements had continued to be gentle and reassuring, and he had even joked with them - this man's humor is dry as a desert and comes out when Nile least expects it. As soon as she steers the car into the alley, Nicky steps out of the shadows of a building, equipment casually slung over his shoulder, but Nile can see that his steps are slow and exaggeratedly clear, as if struggling to walk properly. There is nothing she can do about the emerging worry in her stomach, but the worried flame is dimmed a little when she cannot see any blood on his clothes and finds no further signs of a fight on him. So, he's just exhausted. And Nile can handle that, she wouldn't feel differently after spending three days in one position either. Exhaustion is far better than any of the unexpected complications guns and death bring with them. The getaway car hasn't even come to a complete halt when Joe opens the back door and Booker gets up from his seat and makes himself comfortable on the floor, which Nile registers with furrowed eyebrows. Why does Booker sit on the floor when there's enough room in the back for him, Joe and Nicky? Especially since the sniper rifle and Nicky's backpack are just being stowed away in the trunk? "Ciao,” Nicky finally says quietly, the small smile that is so typical for him plays around the corners of his mouth and he steps in with a barely audible groan. "Hello, my heart," Joe replies warmly, his hands clasping Nicky's face and for a few seconds he and Nicky stay like this, their foreheads pressed together, breathing the same air and this gesture is more intimate than any couple action Nile has ever seen on the street or at her school. On closer inspection, Nile sees the dark circles under Nicky's light eyes, which make them appear even larger, and the lines of exhaustion that mark his face. Without thinking, she reaches back with one hand and gently squeezes his upper arm and Nicky grips her hand with his and gives her a soft look. "Were there any problems?" Andy asks when Joe closes the door and after Nicky carefully shakes his head, Andy turns around, puts a hand on his neck and kisses Nicky's forehead. It's over as fast as it started and Nile wonders if she just imagined it. “Well done, team. Then let's go, I want to take a fucking shower.” Nile obediently starts the car again but is still more than aware that Booker is sitting on the floor. The French pats Nicky, who sits heavily on the back seat, on his knee and nods at him with an encouraging smile and Nile's eyes almost fall out of her head when Nicky lifts his legs and lies down completely on the back seat. His head rests in Joe's lap, who softly whispers something to him in their personal language and caresses his head at regular intervals. He's too big to stretch out in the back seat, but Nicky doesn't seem to mind. With his knees slightly drawn up he lies on his side, his arms crossed over his chest and then he closes his eyes. When you live with people under the same roof, it is inevitable that at some point you will learn their sleeping habits and that is exactly why Nile stares at Nicky through the rearview mirror with an open mouth. The Italian is always the first to start the day and no matter what time Nile gets up, Nicky is always up before her in the kitchen and is already preparing coffee. Joe is as far from being a morning person as the earth is from Neptune and can sleep anywhere, in the most impossible positions. A bomb could go off next to him and Joe wouldn't even flinch. Booker has an irregular sleep rhythm, and this is also reflected in the times he gets up: sometimes he is at the breakfast table in the morning, then you don't see him until noon and occasionally he crawls out of his room for dinner. And Andy is scratchy like a fury if she doesn't get at least six hours of sleep and woe to those who deny her her precious sleep. Nile herself has fixed times to go to bed and get up, unless missions require otherwise. But of all of them Nicky is the lightest sleeper, immediately on alert when a suspicious noise sounds, a gun in hand, while Nile is still blinkingly trying to figure out her name. She has never seen him sleep so open outside of a safe house and that is a clear sign of how exhausting the three days must have been for him. Joe's muttered words are a pleasant background noise for Nile even if she doesn't understand the meaning, Joe's tender tone and loving gaze speak for themselves. Her attention is divided between the street and the back seat because somehow Nile can't get rid of the feeling that something important is going on there. Booker's hand is on Nicky's leg, and is the French drawing circles with his thumb on the skin hidden under the fabric? He has moved a little closer to the bench, as close as possible in the space between the back and the front seats and stares at the floor lost in thought as if he were touching Nicky unconsciously. Nonetheless, the naturalness of this gesture and the fact that Booker gave up the seat way earlier seem to come from some kind of repetition and Nile bites her tongue so as not to blurt out questions and thereby wake Nicky, whose slow breathing and relaxed limbs indicate that he really has fallen asleep . The intention to be as quiet as possible vanishes when Andy loosens her seat belt and makes as if to climb back over the center console. "What the...? Are you kidding me? Sit the fuck down again, Andy!” Nile protests and tries to prevent Andy with one hand from continuing her way and pushing her back onto her seat. The older warrior slaps her hand aside as if it were a fly and pays no attention to Nile's angry voice. "Keep your eyes on the road, kid," she instructs Nile and has already completely disappeared into the back. "Eyes on the road my ass!" Nile replies with a violent snort but puts her free hand back on the steering wheel. “Seat belts don't exist in cars for nothing, if you've noticed! And...” She falls silent, only now noticing how loud she has been talking and looks worriedly in the rearview mirror to check if Nicky has woken up. To her own astonishment, his eyes are still closed, one of his hands is now holding Joe's left hand tightly against his chest, fingers interlaced. "Don't worry, Nile," Joe says with a reassuring smile. “You don't have to be overly quiet. Just behave normally.” Nile is not convinced. She knows that a drop of water could wake Nicky. "Isn't Nicky going to wake up then?" She asks, her voice carefully lowered. "No," Booker replies, rearranging his position to make room for Andy without letting go of Nicky's leg. “At least not now. Nicky is a light sleeper, but after such missions he sleeps like a stone.” He laughs with a snort. “I once laid behind a sniper rifle for three hours and was exhausted. Nicky has just stared through a telescopic sight for three days in a row, if you don't count the short breaks." Nile dutifully looks at the street in front of them and turns on a blinker. “But why is he sleeping now? And doesn't wait until the safe house?” Nicky always checks double and triple whether all doors are locked, how best to sleep in order to better ward off possible attackers and he always lies between Joe and the door. Joe once told her that Nicky was a protector and that even if they were just shopping, Nicky would keep an eye on everything around them. So the fact that he is asleep in the backseat of a getaway car is more than unusual - even when he is exhausted. "Because he trusts us." Andy squeezes herself into the space next to Booker and supports herself with one hand on Joe's knee, the other curls around the curve of Nicky's shoulder. "He has faith that we will protect him and ourselves and that you will bring us safely to the safe house." Nile did not expect the emotional impact of this statement and drives for several seconds in silence to choke down the lump in her throat. That Nicky trusts her touches her more than she would admit and every time something like that happens – small gestures of affection from the others to her – she feels a little more at home. The immortals cannot replace her real family, but they are there for Nile and love her and Nile is amazed to find that she loves Andy, Booker, Nicky and Joe too. Their strange ability, the dreams, everything connects them, and Nile believes, not for the first time, that they really are not meant to be alone. "Then I'll try not to disappoint him, huh?" She asks jokingly, hoping to cover up her short, emotional dropout and is grateful when Joe deliberately takes the bait. He chuckles softly and pulls Nicky closer to him. "Nicolo would certainly be anything but thrilled if he woke up in a car that was about to hit a tree." "You're one to talk." Booker's laugh is interrupted by a grunt as Joe kicks him in the side. "When cars were invented, you and Andy made fun of driving them against obstacles." "It was fun,” Andy says with a grin as if it justified deliberately driving a car into walls or the like. “And who could have thought that cars would last? We thought it was a short-term invention and wanted to use it as long as it existed.” Nile shakes her head in disbelief, still not wanting to believe that these four people in the back seat have been on earth for centuries and have seen so many famous personalities, buildings or inventions. "If Nicky didn't sleep, I would now brake check you so that you could get what's coming," she informs the others dryly. "Hey, I didn't do anything," Booker protests. "At least wait until I have buckled up. Then I'll take Nicky and you can give Joe and Andy a concussion and bruises." "Nicky stays with me," Joe shrugs off Booker's suggestion amused and presses a very gentle kiss on Nicky's temple. Nile only sees the smile ghosting over Nicky's lips because she wants to make sure that Andy, who utters a kind of short bark, doesn't start a fight with Booker. Even in his sleep, Nicky's entire being is focused on Joe and Nile can't help but smile too. "Okay, when you children have calmed down again, you can tell me what the meaning of the touches is," she interrupts Andy's questionable explanation of the fact that she does not need a seat belt because there were no seat belts for horse backs back then either. "Touches?" Andy asks, peering over her shoulder through strands of dark hair at Nile. "What do you mean by that?" "What do I mean with...?" Nile starts in disbelief and then gestures at the immortals, as good as possible without taking her eyes off the traffic. “I can still understand that with Joe, after all, he and Nicky are basically married. But Booker hasn't let go of Nicky's leg since the beginning of the ride and you, Andy, climbed back to touch Nicky's shoulder.” Booker fixes his gaze on the said hand of his. "Oh," he says as if he is only now fully aware of what he is doing, but he doesn't pull his hand back. "That." “Yes, that,” Nile repeats. Hopefully in a few decades she will not be as slow on the uptake as the others can sometimes be. "Does it have a purpose? Do I have to know anything? Because if this is a polygamy thing, as a new member of this family I have a right to know." While Booker chokes in the back and Joe gives a surprised and open laugh, Andy doesn't flinch. "Don't shit yourself, kid, only Nicky and Joe fuck like rabbits in this family." Joe snorts. "Objection! Booker and you don't live like monks and nuns either. And besides, Nicky and I look a lot better than rabbits during sex.” "Oh god..." Nile mumbles, rolling her eyes and cursing herself for the mention of polygamy. "Can you just answer my question without talking about your sex life?" "You're the one who accused us of polygamy," Andy notes, but her focus is already back on Nicky, who hasn't moved a muscle in the whole time. "I didn't accuse you of polygamy," Nile defends indignantly, but feels embarrassed as her cheeks get hot. It's good that it's not as noticeable for her as it is when Nicky blushes. "Yes...uh, to get back to your question," Booker luckily intervenes and saves Nile from further embarrassing stuttering, even though he doesn't do a better job. “Nicky...uh...doesn't particularly like it when he's apart from us. He then has the feeling that he is not...uhm..." He looks for help at Andy, who ignores him and caresses Nicky's shoulder, so that Booker turns to Joe to find a suitable phrase. "Nicky then has the feeling that he couldn't protect us so well,” Joe finishes the sentence and looks down at Nicky with a gentle smile, he seems to be addressing his next words directly to the Italian instead of Nile or the others. “That is of course not true, after all he watches over us with eagle eyes, ready to eliminate any danger from his sniper's nest. But Nicky has always tended to worry too much.” Nile can feel the warmth of the immense devotion in his dark eyes in the front and has the feeling of observing something very intimate between him and Nicky, whereby the Italian continues to be deep and sound asleep.

In sleep every person has a vulnerability that shows how fragile life is and seeing Nicky sleeping so openly without a gun in his reach, because he feels safe with them, makes Nile's heart beat with joy. "So, you touch him afterwards to show him that he is no longer separated from you?" She asks and is amazed at the gentle tone of her voice, which has adapted to the atmosphere in the car, which suddenly goes deeper than fun foolery. Although she can only see Andy's profile from the side, she recognizes the thoughtful nod anyway. "Yes," Andy says, her steely gray eyes rest on Nicky with a tenderness that the older one does not show so often. “We got into the habit of touching him after such missions, so Nicky knows that his family is there. And he doesn't have to worry.”

Read more on AO3 ;)

[watchathon]

Halloween Special: Coraline

In case you’re finding this post just by browsing the tags I’ve used for this post, this is the Watchathon, a blog where I watch something and make a blog post where I write down my thoughts as I watch. Each new thought starts with a hyphen and a bolded first word.

- Like so.

Today, I’m celebrating Halloween with my favorite spooky movie: Coraline! 

I realize that it’s not actually a Halloween movie, and I’m hoping to do actually Halloween-themed movies in the future, but when I had the idea to do a Halloween special post, this was the movie that first came to mind.

It’s scary, funny, gorgeously animated, but I’m sure I’ll be getting more into that during the post proper. With that said, here are my thoughts on Coraline:

- Even the studio logos and opening credits for this movie have an unsettling vibe, with both the visuals and the background music.

- And that’s before we’ve even gotten into the scene of the doll being transformed slowly into a doll of Coraline by mysterious stick limbs.

- I know that when I move, I’d love to be greeted by the sight of a man doing yoga on the rooftop.

- Nice introduction to Coraline when we see her pull a stick off of a bush and use it like a dowsing rod. Really sets up her character as a kid who’s not averse to the weird. The kind of kid who might, say, make several trips through a mystical hole in her room that brings her to button-eyed “better” versions of her parents and neighbors.

- And here we see Wyborne “Wybie” Lovat, Coraline’s closest-thing-to-a-friend in her new town. He’s more logically-minded, able to tell that Coraline’s dowsing rod is poison oak, and even analyzing Coraline’s name (after he’s corrected that it’s not Caroline.)

- I like the transition from Coraline holding her ear to the well, to her washing her hands in the kitchen sink.

- And here we see that the Coraline doll from the beginning of the movie made its way to the trunk of Wybie’s grandma. Which is scary, as well as bizarre from Coraline’s perspective. You move into a new house, and it turns out your landlady (who doesn’t normally allow kids) owned a doll that looks suspiciously similar to you, including your outfit.

- I like the music during this scene of Coraline exploring her new house. It’s so serene and calm.

- Coraline just killed the bugs in the shower with her bare hands... Not much I can really say about that except: “Gross...”

- I know all too well the feeling Coraline’s dad has when his writing is erased. I said this is a scary movie, here’s the scariest dang thing. *shivers*

- The entrance into the Other World is the perfect blend of creepy, and beckoning, with the music and cool colors.

- As well as the first appearance of the Other Mother. There’s the buttons for eyes, and the very fact that she’s an identical copy of Coraline’s real mom in everything but the eyes, making her scary on simply the conceptual level. 

But she’s so much nicer to Coraline than her real-world counterpart, not to mention that she cooks much nicer-looking meals than Coraline’s dad, and resides in a nicer version of Coraline’s house.

- And then there’s the Other Father, introducing himself to Coraline with a nice peppy song about her. The lyrics are filled with foreshadowing, but it’s not like Coraline was going to dig that deep into it. Why would she? The Other World is giving her the family life she wishes she could have in the real world.

- I’d say that Coraline shouldn’t accept food from strangers, but I mean, it’s her parents. But not really her parents, it’s her Other Parents. But they seem to know her like they are her parents. But they don’t actually know her, because they’re not her parents. But they are alternate versions of her parents. But... Oh dear, I’ve gone cross-eyed...

- And the Other World is even complete with a way for her to talk to her old friends from Michigan! Granted, they’re not actually her friends, but they are exact copies of... Nope! Not jumping down that rabbit hole again.

- Coraline gets confirmation that the Other World was real when she wakes up to find that her poison oak has completely disappeared, without a trace. I remember when I first watched this movie, I was afraid it would turn out to be all just a dream, but this confirms right off the bat that the Other World isn’t just in Coraline’s head.

- I like that we’re getting introductions to Coraline’s neighbors, starting with the Amazing Bobinsky, who’s working on a mouse circus. And also misunderstands Coraline’s name to be Caroline.

- And Coraline gets her first warning about the dark secrets of the Other World from said mouse circus. Plus, as a bonus, the mice get her name right on the first try without needing to be corrected.

- Next up is Miss Spink and Miss Forcible, the former also getting Coraline’s name wrong.

- You’ve heard of crazy cat ladies, now get ready for crazy dog ladies who stuff all their dogs when they die!

- Second warning about the danger of the Other World, from Miss Spink reading Coraline’s tea leaves.

- One thing I never really noticed before: The cat’s already showing a personality of his own right now, even when he’s just Wybie’s cat friend who’s not technically owned by Wybie.

- Seems Coraline’s starting to grow fond of Wybie, thinking of him as a friend instead of the annoying kid who lives somewhere near her house.

- Looks like Other Mother is really trying to push the idea that the Other World is better than the real world, what with how she insists that the Other Father is the Better Father.

- The garden arranged into a picture of Coraline is so beautiful. And so impressive when you remember that this is a stop-motion movie, and that portrait had to be actually built for its few seconds of screen time.

- Another thing that the Other Mother offers to Coraline as a benefit of the Other World: A version of Wybie that’ll listen to her, that won’t change the subject to slugs or whatever.

- Plus a version of Bobinsky that not only gets Coraline’s name right, but trains his mouse circus to spell it out. It’s like the Other World is “fixing” all the things that bugged Coraline about her life in the real world.

- And all that temptation looks like it’s working. When Coraline’s mom buys her the same grey uniforms the rest of her school will be wearing, Coraline only responds that the other mother would buy her a better uniform.

- Looks like the cat’s kind of suspicious of the Other World when he sees Coraline crawling inside.

- And the cat’s the only living thing from the real world other than Coraline to come into the Other World. Or, well, the only still-living thing...

- The third warning about the dangers of the Other World comes from the cat, also the first warning given directly to her instead of secondhand or via tea leaves.

- This movie can be creepy in a lot of ways even before Coraline’s life is in danger. For example, one of tne of the “good” things in the Other World is Other Miss Spink and Other Miss Forcible’s skin peeling away to reveal that underneath they’re actually young beautiful women.

- Not everything in the Other World is just the Other Mother’s puppet. She created Other Wybie, but he’s still clearly concerned for Coraline, and needs to be implicitly ordered to keep up the cheery facade.

- And here’s the big wham scene where it starts to get real spooky: The Other Parents saying that they’ll need to sew buttons into Coraline’s eyes if Coraline wants to stay in their world and keep all the things she likes better about it. Luckily, Coraline’s smart enough to refuse and immediately decide she never wants to return.

- The Other Mother might not have total control over everything in the Other World, but she clearly wants to make it so she does. Denying Other Father the ability to speak, and as we’ll see later she’s sewn Other Wybie’s face into a permanent smile that he can’t ever move.

- “Mothers don’t eat... daughters.” “I don’t know. How do you taste?” The cat might not be on the Other Mother’s side, but he can be creepy, even if it seems like he’s just messing with Coraline.

-  - I like that the cat’s here to serve as a companion from the real world to Coraline, consistently on her side even after the Other World shows its true colors. In this case, he kills a circus mouse that was sounding an alarm. Meanwhile that idea didn’t even occur to Coraline, who probably figured it was just circus practice.

- “Good kitty.” You’re darn right!

- Oh, dang, I thought that the Other Mother’s monster transformation came later than this.

- I heard somewhere that in the book, the Other Mother just looks like this monstrous form off the bat. I have to wonder, then, why Coraline was so trusting of her. Maybe it was just a really good dinner she cooked?

- Here we see that Coraline isn’t the first little kid that the Other Mother lured to her world so she could take their eyes and keep there forever. Their ghosts still reside in the Other World, unable to rest in peace or even remember their own names, but able to give Coraline her final warning so she doesn’t share their fates.

- It’s so creepy to see Other Wybie’s face with his mouth sewn into a permanent smile. But even with that, and with his eyes being only buttons, it’s easy to see that he’s desperate to save Coraline from this world.

- Other Wybie even sacrifices his life for Coraline.

- As I said before, Wybie is more logically minded than Coraline. So, really, it only makes sense that he’d hear Coraline talk about the Other World and arrive to the conclusion that she’s crazy.

- It always brings tears to my eyes, seeing Coraline sleeping in bed with pretend versions of her parents made from the pillows and sheets.

- At least the cat’s still there for Coraline.

- The charming colors of the tunnel to the Other World have even turned to a dull grey. It’s like a visual representation of how the Other Mother has given up on luring Coraline into staying, and has moved onto the idea of forcing her to stay, even eating the only key that allows travel between worlds.

- You can tell how much Coraline doesn’t want to say that she’ll let the Other Mother sew buttons in her eyes if she loses. But she has no choice; the Other Mother wouldn’t agree to the game unless there was something she could win.

- It’s both creepy and sad to see the Other Father, forced into attacking Coraline and keeping the eye from her.

- It’s cool how Coraline used Other Spink and Forcible’s bat-dogs against them. Also unsettling like everything in this part of the movie, but really cool and clever.

- Other Father and Other Spink/Forcible were transformed into corrupted versions of themselves. Other Bobinsky? Erased and replaced with a horde of rats that had his voice come out of them.

- Again, good kitty. Even when Coraline thinks she’s lost the game, the cat’s there to lend a hand.

- Coraline even thinks of the cat as a friend!

- But the cat’s not Coraline’s only ally. The ghost of one of the other children advises Coraline to be clever, all too aware that the Other Mother wouldn’t keep her word.

- You’ve heard of throwing your SO, now get ready for throwing your stray cat friend who became one of your only allies in the Other World where your parents are trapped as well as the ghosts of children who came before you! *gasps for breath*

- The Other Mother’s now given up on any pretense of being Coraline’s mother, having gone full monster. But given how she still has that hairdo? I’ve got to imagine that she’s still not quite displaying her true form.

- It’s so sweet to see Coraline interacting with the cat. Even outside of the Other World they’re still friends.

- I understand why people are upset why they changed the climax from Coraline’s clever gambit to a battle with the Other Mother’s hand (and Wybie helping), but I think this works well for a movie adaptation. I haven’t read the book, so I could be wrong, but just from seeing the movie, I think this climax is good.

- I love this ending with Coraline and her neighbors having a garden party, Bobinsky even helping plant some berries. It’s so cathartic after all the trouble Coraline’s been through.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

To reiterate: This is my absolute favorite spooky movie! And my first pick when it comes to movies fit for the season.

The first Laika movie I watched was Kubo and The Two Strings, in theaters. Then I went back and watched Paranorman to celebrate Halloween. Then I watched Missing Link when that came out in theaters.

Coraline came last out of all the Laika movies I’ve seen, but it may well be my favorite, with its lovable characters, amazing music, and gorgeous animation.

It has just the right amount of scare for me, as someone who’s not generally fond of horror. And as a PG movie, it leans more towards scary and unsettling aesthetic than jumpscares or blood/gore, another thing that makes this just right for me.

This is the perfect kinda movie for the season, and I highly recommend it for anyone who wants a spooky movie to watch tonight, on future Halloweens, or just whenever you’re in the mood for something creepy.

[miguel-manbemel]

Aspects & Fanfics Ep. 50: Flowers for Christmas

As promised, here’s the special Christmas episode of the main storyline of this blog. And as I also promised, it features Nico Flores’ debut in the main narrative. As it happened earlier with Remus and as it will happen with any canon character introduced in this narrative, his introduction will not mimic the canon introduction at all, but it will be a totally independent story to fit what has already been told in earlier episodes. One thing I wanted to say is that this story takes place in a near future where the virus has just been defeated and the pandemic is over, that’s why there’s no longer social distancing or masks in the story. Let’s hope this future of fiction soon becomes a reality, but until then, remember to wear your mask if you need to get out and take all precautions, for your own health and the others’.

It also happens to be the 50th entry in the series since it made its debut on February 2019. I hope you’ve been liking it so far and that whatever comes in the future is also of your liking too. Fair warning that after this episode, I’m going to take a little break of a few weeks, to take a rest, at least from the main narrative, although I’ll still be hanging around somehow as usual, publishing little things here and there. So, I hope that you all have the merriest Christmas and that you have a good start of 2021. Merry Christmas and a happy new year, and until next time.

P.S. If you enter Tumblr.com through a web browser (on PC or on the phone), NOT through the app, and enter the episode through this link, you’ll find a especial interactive musical surprise alongside the narration. Sadly, it doesn’t work on standard dashboard view or on Tumblr’s phone app, but you should be able to read the text anyway.

SYNOPSIS: Thomas has a little job as an actor in a mall, for a one-off Christmas show. Just as he’s about to enter the mall in a rush, he bumps on a stranger that crossed his way just at the same time. Thomas is immediately mesmerized by the stranger’s face and immediately starts feeling something for him.

WARNINGS: Romantic prinxiety

EPISODE INDEX

[Thomas is running out of the house, rushing to the car]

THOMAS: I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!

[Thomas gets to the car. Logan rises up in front of him]

LOGAN: Okay, Mr. Figurative White Rabbit Sanders. Have you got everything?

THOMAS: Of course I do, I’ve got my credentials, I placed my costume in the car trunk last night, I programmed the address on the GPS, I’ve got everything, except that I programmed the phone 20 minutes later than I should by accident, so I’m late! Don’t make me waste more time, Logan, I gotta go!

LOGAN: Are you sure you’re not forgetting something?

THOMAS: Yes, I am.

LOGAN: Are you really, really sure?

THOMAS: [trying to open the car unsuccessfully] Yes, I am! Why doesn’t this gosh dagnabbit car open? Don’t detain me, Logan!

LOGAN: [smirking] Okay, if you’re so sure, go ahead, I’m not holding you back. What are you waiting for?

THOMAS: It’s this door, it just won’t open! I gotta go and this door won’t open, dang it!

LOGAN: Well, what do you need to open the door, Thomas?

[Thomas suddenly stops, then frowns and looks at Logan]

THOMAS: Couldn’t you just have told me I had forgotten to get the car keys instead of making me look like a doofus, Logan?

[Logan looks at Thomas with the same condescending smirk while Thomas just groans and goes back to the house to get the keys]

[intro sequence]

[Thomas parks the car next to the mall. Then he gets out, grabs his costume in a bag and closes it, then starts running to the door. Before he gets to the door, a stranger who hasn’t seen him crosses his way and Thomas can’t help bumping onto him. They both fall on the ground]

THOMAS: Aw!

STRANGER: Oh, goodness!

THOMAS: [trying to pick up his things scattered around him] I… I’m so sorry, I was in a hurry, I didn’t see you and…

[the stranger, who has stood up already offers his hand to help Thomas stand up]

STRANGER: It’s okay, I didn’t see you either, and I was also in a hurry. Let me help you.

THOMAS: Thanks, I…

[but Thomas can’t finish the sentence because when he looks at the stranger he gets stunned over the cutest face he’s ever seen in his life. It’s a Latin American guy roughly the same age as him, with dark hair, light brown skin and a goatee, a little skinnier than Thomas, wearing a blue shirt and a backpack on his back, and with big black eyes which make Thomas feel as if inevitably attracted to two black holes. He smiles at Thomas while offering his hand. Thomas just can’t react over that vision as he feels his heart pumping harder]

STRANGER: [suddenly concerned when Thomas doesn’t grab his hand] Are you okay? Did you get hurt or something?

[Thomas returns to reality and grabs the stranger’s hand, who helps him stand up]

THOMAS: I’m fine, thank you. But are you okay?

STRANGER: Oh, don’t worry, I’m fine. Let me help you with that. [pointing at Thomas’ things scattered on the ground]

THOMAS: Oh, I wouldn’t want you to get late to your appointment, Mr…

STRANGER: Mr. Flores, but you can call me Nico if you’d like.

THOMAS: [giggles] And I’m Mr. Sanders, but you can call me Thomas.

NICO: Nice to meet you, Thomas. And it’s okay. If we pick this stuff up together, we both could be on our way in no time.

THOMAS: Thank you so much.

[Thomas and Nico start picking up the things. As they’re doing so, Thomas takes a quick look at the backpack. Various pins are there, but one pin in particular grabs his attention, a pride pin. He also sees a key chain hanging from his pocket, with an image of Jack Skellington from Nightmare before Christmas. He quickly looks away when Nico stands up]

NICO: Well, I think this is all. Here you are.

[Nico gives Thomas the things he’s picked up]

THOMAS: Thank you so much, Nico.

NICO: Of course. Well, I’d love to stay here and chat with you, but I gotta go now. I hope to see you again someday. It’s was nice to meet you, Thomas, have a nice day!

THOMAS: Have a nice day, Nico, nice to meet you as well!

[Nico smiles one last time at Thomas, then he rushes inside the mall. Roman rises up next to Thomas]

ROMAN: Wasn’t that the cutest vision ever, Thomas!? And to top it all, he’s gay, so you’ve got a chance with him!

[Virgil also rises up]

VIRGIL: He was cute, indeed, but Thomas, weren’t you in a hurry?

THOMAS: [suddenly scared] Oh, dang it, I’m late!

[Thomas rushes into the mall. He tries not to run so as not to attract people’s attention, but he walks as fast as he can. Roman and Virgil follow him]

ROMAN: And judging from his key chain, he loves Nightmare before Christmas! He must be exactly the kind of guy you could get along with. You should have asked for his number, Thomas. He said he hoped to see you again, but we don’t have any means to contact him. What if you never see him again?

THOMAS: Well, that’s over and done with… I admit that guy looked really cute, and he also looks cool and kind.

ROMAN: That’s an understatement. [Roman’s theme music starts playing] When he offered you his hand, he looked like a prince sent from heaven, ready to save you from the perils upon you, and then he would let you ride with him on his horse and take you to his castle and…

VIRGIL: [snapping his fingers, music stops] Houston calling Roman, get back to planet Earth, please!

ROMAN: Sorry, I got carried away.

THOMAS: Yes, you did. But you’re right, I should have asked him for his number or something. [sighs] I probably will never see him again.

ROMAN: Well, maybe we’ll see him again around the mall today and have a second chance to talk to him. It’s Christmas time, the season of miracles, isn’t it?

VIRGIL: We’ll see. For now, you must focus, Thomas. You had a job to do, remember?

THOMAS: Yeah… When they asked for actors in that announcement, I never thought it was for this, playing one of Santa’s elves in a little Christmas musical play in the middle of the mall, with barely no time to rehearse and with the costumes sent to us by mail. I just hope that the tights don’t make me look too weird, I didn’t have time to try the costume on. Gosh, this work dynamic feels too rushed, but at least the pay was good, so I can’t really complain…

REMUS: [rising up] Wouldn’t it be nice if Nico saw you with your elf costume, Thomas? You couldn’t be sexier. A total piece of cake, if you know what I mean! [wiggles his eyebrows]

THOMAS: Remus, don’t! Besides, I would die of embarrassment if he saw me like that. Maybe it’s for the best that he left in such a hurry. Okay, there’s the scenery, and right there, there’s the office where the guy at the phone told me I had to change. And speaking about the phone… [looks at his phone] Looks that I’m not that late after all. I have just enough time to change. If I’m quick, I’ll be ready just in time. I shouldn’t have worried so much.

VIRGIL: My bad.

[Thomas goes to the office followed by Roman and Virgil, while Remus sinks down]

THOMAS: That’s odd, there’s no one here. I hoped to talk with the boss and finally meet him. We’ve never talked in person, only with his secretary on the phone after I answered the call. They sent me the outfit by UPS the day after I got the part.

ROMAN: I wonder how that boss will look like? How will we recognize them, Thomas?

THOMAS: I suppose we’ll meet them on stage, Roman. Well, I have to change now, and there’s a door that reads locker room, so it must be there. Let’s do it.

[When Thomas enters the room, he goes livid, after finding Nico just buttoning a Santa Claus costume]

THOMAS: Nico?

NICO: [equally surprised] Thomas? What are you doing here? Don’t tell me that…

THOMAS: [nervous giggle] Yeah, it seems we’re gonna be work mates, at least for today. I’m playing one of the elves. I can’t find the boss anywhere, so I figured I’d have to change in this room.

NICO: [happy smile] What a coincidence, right? Well, don’t stay there, come in. I’m almost done. Um… the boss told me the other elves are already in costume, waiting for us. So you better hurry. There’s a folding screen over there if you need some privacy.

[Thomas showed some relief over seeing the folding screen]

VIRGIL: Thank goodness, I don’t know if I could have coped with it if you had had to change in front of him.

THOMAS: Yeah, that would be neat.

[Thomas goes behind the folding screen and starts changing]

THOMAS: So, how did you get this job? Are you an actor too?

NICO: Oh, so you’re an actor? That’s neat. No, I’m not an actor, not professionally at least, although I’ve done a couple things in community theater. I… just needed the job to get some extra income, you know? I’m a writer, and sometimes, the amount of work is not high enough.

THOMAS: Oh, that’s cool! What kind of writer, if it’s not too nosy to ask?

NICO: Of course it’s not. I write anything, but my thing is poetry and songwriting. And I’m also a playwright. It’s my dream to make it big on Broadway someday with a musical of my own.

THOMAS: Oh, you’re a playwright and songwriter? Well, other than an actor, I’m also a singer. And I also dream on being on Broadway one day. Maybe you could show me some of your work someday?

NICO: You’re a singer too? My, you seem to be a man of many talents. I’d be glad to show you some of my songs. Maybe you could try one of them if you like them and are suitable for your voice? Maybe later, after the show, if you’re free?

THOMAS: Yes, I’m free. I can’t wait for it, Nico.

ROMAN: [pumped up] Thomas, have you realized… that you just got a date with him? [bopping] Oh, my goodness!

VIRGIL: Relax, Roman… Can’t believe it’s me who said that… It’s only a professional meeting, where they will discuss their opinions about each other’s art, that’s all. Wow, I sounded like Logan there… The point is Thomas shouldn’t have his hopes too high for the time being.

ROMAN: Well, you start with a professional meeting, and the next day he PROPOSES to you! Imagine… Nico Sanders… or Thomas Flores… or even better, Nico and Thomas Flores-Sanders or Sanders-Flores. [squeeing] Gosh, you’ll look so handsome in your white suit with a red necktie when Joan takes you to the altar!

THOMAS: [whispering with the lowest voice he can so Nico can’t hear him] Guys… please… would you mind? I need to get dressed and I can barely move in this small place behind the folding screen with you two around… Please, could you sink down for a moment?

ROMAN: Oh, sorry… Okay, Thomas. [sinking down] See ya later on stage.

VIRGIL: [also sinking down] I’ll try to calm him down in the Mind Palace, Thomas, but no promises. See ya.

NICO: Are you ready, Thomas?

THOMAS: I’m almost ready. My, this suit is so tight, I can barely put it on. I hope it doesn’t rip apart right on stage, that would be embarrassing.

NICO: Don’t worry, it will be fine. When they make these elf costumes they usually make them tight, I don’t know why. As if elves building toys shouldn’t prefer wearing a more comfortable and professional outfit.

THOMAS: [giggles] Yeah, you’re right… If you’re ready, Nico, you don’t need to wait for me. You can get to the stage whenever you want. It’s no use that both of us get scolded over being late, I can take it, don’t worry about me.

NICO: Nah, I’m fine. The show can’t start without us anyway… and I like being here and talking to you.

[Thomas’ face goes red and he feels his breathe stopping for a second]

THOMAS: You… you do?

NICO: Yeah, of course. You bring up good conversation and that is increasingly difficult to find these days. I enjoy your company.

THOMAS: Well… thanks, Nico. I… I enjoy your company too…

[Thomas was trying to fit his shoes in, but out of nervousness, he loses balance]

THOMAS: Oh, shoot!

[Thomas falls on the folding screen which falls down making a lot of noise]

NICO: Oh, goodness, Thomas! Are you all right!?

THOMAS: Dag nabbit, this outfit is impossible to wear! It’s too small for me!

[again, Nico offers Thomas his hand]

NICO: This is the second time I have to grab you from the floor, Thomas. Did you get hurt?

THOMAS: [standing up with Nico’s help] No, I’m fine… and I promise I’m usually not this clumsy. It’s just…

[Janus rises up]

JANUS: Don’t tell him the truth or you’ll blew it up!

THOMAS: … it’s just that I’m nervous over the performance, and scared that I’m not gonna wear this outfit as I should.

JANUS: Nice recovery, Thomas. It’s too soon to tell Nico that the reason you’re clumsy is because you’re totally nervous over making a good impression to him because you think he’s the cutest guy you’ve ever seen in your life. You don’t want to tell him that yet, right, Thomas?

THOMAS: No…

NICO: Did you say something?

[Janus quickly sinks down]

THOMAS: [nervous] I was saying… no, I’m not gonna make this outfit work. Look at me. The elf shoes are all tiny, I can’t close the zipper on my shirt, and the beanie is too small for my head! This is all a disaster!

NICO: They obviously have sent you the wrong size for your outfit, Thomas. You can’t get out like that.

THOMAS: But I have to make it work! There are no other outfits available, are there? If I don’t get out, I’ll lose the job! Oh, why didn’t I try this outfit at home earlier? I’m such an idiot!

NICO: It’s okay, calm down, we’ll find a way to fix this… [looks at Thomas’ clothes, then at himself and suddenly shows a lively smile] And you know what? I’ve got an idea. Help me put the folding screen back up.

[Nico and Thomas place the folding screen as it was]

NICO: That’s right. Now, get back behind the folding screen and take the costume off, everything.

THOMAS: What? But…

NICO: [grabbing Thomas’ hand] Trust me, Thomas.

THOMAS: [nervous] Okay…

[Thomas gets behind the folding screen and starts taking the costume off. Nico also starts taking his Santa costume off]

NICO: When you take it off, hang it on top of the folding screen, okay?

THOMAS: Okay… Will you explain to me what are we doing?

NICO: Sure. We’re gonna switch places.

THOMAS: [nervous] What? But…

NICO: Don’t worry. Do you think with the big white beard that Santa Claus wears, they’re gonna notice the difference?

THOMAS: But the boss will notice you dressed as an elf. You don’t have any beard or garment to conceal you, and both of us will be in trouble.

NICO: Don’t worry about me, Thomas. I… know how to deal with the boss, and the most important is to make the show work, so I’m sure he would agree with this. The show must go on, isn’t that what you, actors, say on stage when difficulties arise?

THOMAS: Yep, that’s our motto.

NICO: Well, that’s my motto now. We’re gonna make it work, no matter how.

[Thomas and Nico pass each other the different garments of their costumes over the folding screen and get dressed, then Thomas gets out of the folding screen and stands in front of Nico]

THOMAS: This is much better. This is my size.

NICO: I thought so. It was a little big for me, and I intended to fill it with some stuffing to simulate Santa’s belly. You’re more muscular than me, so I knew that the costume would be just perfect for you. And I also knew that the elf costume would be just the right size for me. It’s perfect. Maybe they got the sizes mixed up with our costumes? True, we can’t put the stuffing in your costume, but who said that Santa has to be chubby? He can be perfectly portrayed by a handsome fit man like you.

[Thomas blushes]

ROMAN: [rising up, squeeing] Did he just call you a handsome fit man!? Oh, goodness, Thomas, I think he has a crush on you too!

[Thomas makes a subtly angry gesture to Roman to make him shut up. Roman sinks down, but Nico notices Thomas’ gesture and shows a face of concern]

NICO: Oh, I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. People tell me that I shouldn’t be so outgoing about my opinions, but I’m truly saying it as I think it, Thomas. I apologize again if I made you feel awkward. We’re at work after all and I shouldn’t be so unprofessional.

THOMAS: No, it’s fine, don’t worry… And… I thank you for your compliment. You’re very kind, Nico.

NICO: You’re welcome. Okay, you look great, but here’s the final touch. Your beard.

[Nico helps Thomas put the beard on]

THOMAS: Um… ho, ho, ho, am I right?

[Nico chortles]

NICO: Yep, as I thought, you look great. Okay, do you need a few minutes to take a quick look to your new lines, or…?

THOMAS: No, it’s okay. It’s a good thing that I learned all the lines they sent me by the mail, to know my cues when I was playing the elf. I know Santa’s lines by heart, and the songs are Christmas classics everybody knows. The only thing that worries me is that I didn’t have time to rehearse his part, and Santa has a big song at the end of the show, so I hope I can do it right.

NICO: None of us had any time to rehearse, unfortunately. It seems the boss wasn’t called with anticipation enough to use the stage and there was no budget to rent any office to rehearse in private or with anticipation. Corona is still very recent, you know, and there’s still some reluctance to rent spaces for activities like this. But don’t worry, you can do this, Thomas, and if we can’t make it perfect, at least we’ll do our best, won’t we? Well, you’re ready and I’m ready too. Let’s go. They’ll probably wonder where we are at this point.

THOMAS: I just hope that we don’t get in any trouble with the boss over being late and over the swapping of roles.

NICO: There won’t be any trouble, Thomas, you’ll see.

THOMAS: How can you be so sure, Nico?

NICO: You’ll see…

[Thomas and Nico get out of the office and head to the scenery. A group of people dressed as elves and other characters, who were having a drink in a nearby cafeteria, finish their drinks when they see them and get to the scenery too. One of the elves approaches Nico]

ELF: Um… Mr. Flores, what does this mean? Weren’t you playing Santa Claus? And who’s playing him in your place?

NICO: It’s okay, Cynthia, there was a problem of costumes and we swapped places. It will be fine, he learned all the lines too, right, Thomas?

THOMAS: Right, I’ll do my best.

ELF: Okay, Mr. Flores. You’re the boss, after all…

[The elf goes to the scenery with the other elves, while Thomas looks at Nico with a face of surprise]

THOMAS: Wait, what? What did they mean by that?

NICO: [nervously] Sorry I lied to you, Thomas… The truth is… that I am the boss of this show, I wrote and produced it.

THOMAS: And you were gonna star in it too, like Orson Wells, right? Why didn’t you just tell me? Have you just been… playing with me? Making fun of me? I feel like a fool…

NICO: [really concerned] Goodness, I’m terribly sorry, Thomas, I didn’t mean to make you feel like that! It’s just that… [noticing the other elves are staring at them, waiting for them to start rehearsing] Well, there’s no time to tell you right now, so I’ll talk to you after the show. Now we must focus, but please, promise me you’ll give your best and that you’ll give me a chance to explain myself after the show. Promise?

THOMAS: I always do my best onstage… Mr. Flores, you didn’t even need to ask me for that. I’m a professional.

NICO: [begging face] But will you stay for a while after the show? ¿Por favor?

THOMAS: [sighs] Okay, I will… Let’s get the show on now.

NICO: Thank you, Thomas.

[everyone gets on stage and do some rehearsals. Although clumsy at times, the rehearsal goes fine. Then, the mall starts getting filled with an audience waiting to see the show]

THOMAS: Wow, I didn’t expect there would be so many people to watch our show…

NICO: Just do it like you did it in the rehearsals, and you’ll wow everyone. Break a leg, Thomas!

THOMAS: Thank you, Nico… I mean, Mr. Flores.

NICO: Please, you can still call me Nico. It truly would mean the world if you did.

THOMAS: Okay… as you wish… Nico. Okay, the show is about to start.

NICO: Everybody on your marks!

[the cue music starts. The elves dance around Santa Claus and sing different classic Christmas songs and do some dialogue about how busy they are making the toys for Santa. Then, at the end, Thomas as Santa, sings]

Merry Christmas by Thomas Sanders

THOMAS: O holy night! The stars are brightly shining, It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth. Long lay the world in sin and error pining, Till He appear'd and the soul felt its worth. A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices, For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! O hear the angel voices! O night divine, O night when Christ was born; O night divine, O night, O night Divine.

[after finishing the song, the audience cheers and applauds. Everyone on stage takes a bow, then the audience leaves the place. Most of the cast leave the stage but Thomas and Nico stand there]

NICO: Thomas, you were great! You told me you were a singer, but I didn’t expect you to be that good!

THOMAS: [taking off his beard] Well, thank you so much, Nico. I’m surprised myself, I didn’t expect that, with so little time of rehearsal, I could do it like that.

NICO: You have a natural talent, I’m telling you.

THOMAS: Well, thanks again… Now, you wanted me to stay after the show. What did you want to tell me?

NICO: Yes… well… First of all, I apologize again for hiding that I was your boss all the time. I swear I didn’t mean to play with you or to make fun of you. It’s just that… I didn’t feel strong enough to tell you.

THOMAS: But why? I don’t understand.

NICO: Well, we were having such a good conversation, like two casual pals enjoying each other’s company… I didn’t want any sort of hierarchy to ruin the mood, or that you couldn’t be casual with me because of that.

THOMAS: You still could have told me. There was no reason to hide it at all. I wouldn’t have changed my behavior for that. You can be respectful while maintaining a casual attitude.

NICO: Yes, but… I didn’t want you to treat me “respectfully” as you put it. I didn’t want any kind of hinders in our talk, because I felt that that kind of hindrance… eventually wouldn’t have let me do what I increasingly wanted to do the more I talked to you.

[Roman and Virgil rise up behind Thomas, listening to Nico]

THOMAS: What do you mean?

[Nico starts blushing]

NICO: Well… if I had to behave like a boss or a cold manager all of the time… there are certain limits one must not surpass. Because when a dynamic of power like this is established, some interactions could be seen as an abuse of power, and I didn’t want you to feel like that at all. I wanted us both to be completely free to interact so that, eventually, if I had the guts… I could tell you… [hesitates, really nervous, before speaking] … that I think you’re really cute.

[Nico looks away, ashamed. Thomas blushes, while Roman is ajar and speechless, and Virgil’s eyeshadow suddenly turns bright and glittery purple]

NICO: I’m sorry if I’m making you feel awkward, and I know this is really unprofessional, but I had to say it because our work is done, so I’m not your boss anymore, and I don’t know if I’ll ever have another chance to say it or even if I’ll ever see you again. And I really needed to let it out.

[Thomas holds Nico’s hand]

THOMAS: Wanna know something? The truth is… I really like you too.

NICO: You do?

THOMAS: Yeah. From the moment you offered me your hand when we crashed on the front door of the mall… when I saw your face, that cute face of yours, it was as if I had been struck by a thunderbolt. You should have noticed, how nervous and clumsy I was while we were talking. You may have thought it was because of all of the costume failure. In part it was, of course, but mostly it was because… we both were there, all alone, talking so casually, and I liked you more and more by the minute, and I was so afraid to mess everything up and that you thought I was a fool or something. That’s something that happens to me a lot, that I don’t take my chances when I see them, and I really wanted to take this chance and get to know you, and hope that you liked me.

[Thomas and Nico look at each other, almost like mesmerized by each other’s glance. Then Nico notices there’s a mistletoe hanging above them, as part of the decoration set, and chortles]

NICO: Do you believe in destiny, Thomas?

THOMAS: Why?

NICO: Well, first, we crash at the door, then I order the wrong size for our outfits and they happen to be perfect for each other, then you being an actor and singer and me being a playwright and songwriter… and now look above you.

THOMAS: [looking up, he smiles] A mistletoe.

NICO: I know it’s a fake mistletoe made of plastic and paper, a simple prop, and that it really doesn’t count, but still, it’s very funny that I noticed we were standing right under it, just when I wanted so badly to do this…

[Nico kisses Thomas, taking him by surprise as he was still looking at the mistletoe. After a couple of seconds of surprise, Thomas starts kissing him back and hugging him. At that time, Roman and Virgil start squealing, jumping and dancing with each other. Virgil’s eyeshadow shines so much that it leaves a trace of sparkling glitter in the air as he’s bopping and dancing and spinning with Roman. Then Roman, out of pure happiness, holds Virgil and kisses him. After a moment, Nico releases Thomas, who can’t help showing a silly smile]

THOMAS: Wow… I… you… don’t you think we’re going too fast? We barely have just met and…

NICO: [a little scared] Oh, sorry, perhaps I shouldn’t have done that. You’re right, we have just met and perhaps I shouldn’t have…

[Thomas puts a finger on Nico’s mouth to silence him]

THOMAS: Don’t you dare apologizing for this, Nico. Do you have any idea of how happy you have made me feel right now? I… I thought I’d never experience this feeling again, and thinking honestly, I don’t care if it feels rushed or not. When you know, you know, right? And, rushed or not, I can recognize this feeling without any doubt: I love you, Nico. And even if it doesn’t work in the end, I’ll never regret giving this a chance from minute one, like we’re doing. Don’t you agree?

NICO: [smiling] Yes… yes I do, Thomas. And I love you too.

[Thomas and Nico share another kiss while on the mall the song “All I Want for Christmas is You” is heard through all the speakers]

[ending card]

[Thomas returns back home, he couldn’t be happier. Roman rises up right after he gets to the living room]

ROMAN: Congratulations, Thomas! That was a score in every way!

THOMAS: I can’t believe it! I thought this day would never come, and now…!

ROMAN: And he’s so cute, Thomas! SO cute!

VIRGIL: [rising up, his eyeshadow is still bright purple] Honey, do I need to get jealous, or something?

ROMAN: Oh, sorry, I…

VIRGIL: [excited] I was kidding. We’re all parts of Thomas, it’s only natural that we all like Nico. Congratulations, Thomas!

THOMAS: Wow, you must really be in a good mood if you’re making jokes, Virgil.

VIRGIL: Of course I am! I’m really excited about what comes next! It’s been so long since we… since you’ve been in a relationship like this.

THOMAS: Yeah… I just hope it doesn’t end like the last one…

[Virgil looks at Thomas with a serious face and his eyeshadow suddenly turns pitch black]

VIRGIL: Thomas, don’t say that… Why should it end like the last time? Nico doesn’t look at all like your ex.

ROMAN: Yeah, he’s so cute, and handsome, and cool, and kind and talented and…

VIRGIL: Okay, okay, calm down, Roman. I can’t believe I’m the one asking people to relax… You’re right in everything, but let’s hear Thomas.

ROMAN: Sorry.

THOMAS: Well, it’s too soon to tell, of course, but even so, I’ve already got so invested in this… that I’m scared that something goes wrong and everything goes to waste… again.

VIRGIL: Thomas, it’s only natural that you have that fear after the last experience. And I’m sorry, I’m the one who’s putting that fear into you because I’m the one always worrying about you losing the people you love… because when you said you loved Nico, you really meant it right?

THOMAS: Yes. I mean… it probably is too soon to use that word… but I think it was love at first sight. I didn’t get to have this feeling with my ex until we were way into the relation, but with Nico, it’s just like his soul and mine just blended together as one, as if we were two pieces of the same soul destined from our very beginning to be together, you know? And I was convinced that only happened in romcoms and fairy tales.

ROMAN: Well, now you know better, Thomas. As an expert in romance, my advise about your worries is… just take it easy. Take each day of this relationship as it comes and let love build up slowly but surely, as if you were laying bricks to form a strong house. It is hard work, but the result is worth it, trust me. [looking at Virgil] I know it’s worth it. And don’t think too much in the future. Live the present and enjoy each minute you spend with Nico as if it was the last. Just do your best to make it work, and everything will be fine, you’ll see.

THOMAS: Thank you, Roman. Wow… What a Christmas gift that Santa has decided to give me, right? Merry Christmas, guys.

ROMAN: Merry Christmas, Thomas.

VIRGIL: And may the new year be better for all of us.

THOMAS: [to the viewers] Yep. For all of us. Merry Christmas and a happy new year to all of you, and until next time, take it easy, guys, gals and non binary pals. Peace out!

[uglymanchronicles]

Ugly Man Chronicles: Reignition Book 2 Chapter 1: I Woke Up Like This

HEY GUESS WHO’S BACK

It’s time for Book 2: Friends Will Be Friends.  

“Cover art” by @steveman

Pain has a way of fading from the forefront of your mind when you’ve been feeling it long enough, becoming a sort of discordant background noise; still present enough to make every other experience difficult and miserable while not being the focus itself.

What Evan was feeling wasn’t that. His missing eye, his severed fingers, his masticated ankle and now his left tit were all parts of a very noisy argument, each agony clawing at and clambering over the others to try to be the loudest voice in the room.

His stomach felt nearly concave. The signals from the few uninjured parts of him were so fuzzy and indistinct that he might as well have had two tin cans and a piece of twine for a nervous system. He could barely breathe. His throat felt like it was the size of a swizzle stick. His face burned from where his own gore had dried on his skin, combined with the grit of… sand?

He opened his eye just in time for a shovelful of more sand to hit him directly in the face. He sat up, coughing and moaning.

“Shitting dicks!”

Evan turned his head towards the unusual exclamation. Eyepatch was standing a couple of feet from him, a shovel rattling to rest at his feet.

Evan tried to take in his surroundings. It was still dark. He was outside. There were stars in the sky but a very faint hint of pink on the horizon. He couldn’t see a road. His Volkswagen was parked about thirty feet away. There was very little vegetation. He was sitting in a hole a couple of feet deep, half-covered with sand and dry dirt.

“You call this a grave?”

That was what he meant to say, but what came out of his tight, sticky-dry throat was something like “Yyyccchhhggggghhh.”

Evan planted his hands on the sides of the grave and pushed himself up. He still couldn’t move his right foot and his fingers were still gone, but at least he was alive. He managed to drag himself out of the grave and onto his left foot, then held out his hand toward Eyepatch. “Ksss.”

His would-be killer gawked at him. “What?”

“KSSS!” Evan wheezed emphatically, gesturing at his car. “KRR KSS!”

“Oh. Oh!”

Eyepatch fumbled in his pockets, then tossed Evan a familiar, clinking mass. Evan would have caught it, but the bundle slipped through the gap where his fingers were supposed to be and clattered into the dusty dirt. Evan glared at Eyepatch, who hissed awkwardly through his teeth. Grumbling, Evan bent down and retrieved the keys, then hop/stumbled towards his car and opened the trunk. Under the fold-out workbench, he found a blessedly full gallon jug of water. Popping the lid off, he tilted it back and began to guzzle it down. Only a little more than half was actually going in his mouth, but the overflow washing off some of the blood and sand felt good. After the jug was nearly empty, Evan reached back into the trunk and came up with a handful of five-inch-long protein bars, which he tore open with his teeth and took bites out of as many as he could at once. Then he sat down on the bumper and chewed.

There was a period of several minutes where nothing was said or done, except for Eyepatch idly kicking the dirt as he looked on while Evan grunted and noisily devoured a few thousand calories in an almost primal fashion.

Evan burp-retched after the eighth bar, wincing as the pain in his wounds began to play itself in reverse. Food. It’s powered by calories, of course. How… pedestrian,he thought, grumpily.

“So,” he said, finally, causing Eyepatch to jump, “are we done?” “Huh?”

“You’re not gonna try to kill me again, right?”

Eyepatch sheepishly exhaled out of the side of his lips. “Nnno. I pretty much confirmed that you’re not who I thought you were.”

“What gave it away?”

“Well, the wallet full of fake IDs—very convincing ones, by the way, remind me to ask who made them—didn’t do much to dissuade my ‘hired goon’ theory, but then I saw what you wrote on the Finder’s Folly,” Eyepatch said, slowly walking around the grave. “Plus, the stuffed giraffe sorta hinted at someone who doesn’t kill people for fun.”

Evan’s chest tightened. “What did you do with Mr. Nex?” he asked, trying to keep the panic out of his voice.

To his credit, Eyepatch at least attempted to muffle the snort. He crouched down by the grave and reached into the dirt, coming up with a dirty but intact floppy yellow bundle of cloth. Somewhat tentatively, he walked towards Evan, holding the stuffed animal out in front of him like a man reaching out to pet a dog he’s not entirely convinced is friendly.

Evan looked him over for a moment. In the light, he… well, he didn’t look much different. He was wiry and weatherbeaten, like a well-seasoned scarecrow. He carried himself with a sense of potential energy, like he was constantly about to make a sudden move, but he didn’t seem particularly tense. His hair was a medium brown that mixed with some gray around his temples, with a mustache-less goatee and thin eyebrows to match. Stubble connected his facial hair to his sideburns, but Evan couldn’t tell if that was a styling decision or a lack thereof.

“I figured it only made sense to bury him with you. Seemed like the least I could do, considerin’.”

“That’s… almost sweet. Thank you, I guess.”

Evan slowly reached up and took Mr. Nex from him, tucking the giraffe under his arm. A moment later, he reached back into the trunk for another, smaller bottle of water. Eyepatch slowly sidestepped until he was at the other end of the bumper, then sat down, keeping his eye on Evan the whole time. Eventually, he spoke.

“…this is pretty awkward.”

Evan swallowed and chuckled darkly. “I’m pretty sure this is something on a whole other spectrum of socially uncomfortable,” he said. He flexed his right foot; the tendon seemed to be back to a functional level, and he was starting to be able to discern light out of his left eye. “Hey, you wouldn’t happen to have my fingers, would you?”

Eyepatch stood up and patted his pockets in turn, pausing when he reached his right side. Reaching into his jacket, he pulled out a bloody handkerchief wrapped around something. “Here.”

“Thanks.”

“Didn’t think it was good to leave obvious evidence behind.”

“Shit, we left that room a mess.”

“Don’t worry about it, I gave the manager a couple thousand to cover it when I checked you out.”

“Decent of you.”

“Well, it was on your card.”

“Bastard,” Evan muttered, though there wasn’t much actual vitriol behind it. He unwrapped the fingers, comparing them to the stumps. After rinsing off the raw, gooey spots with water, he held the fingers against the aching wounds. Neither man spoke for nearly a minute, then Evan pulled his right hand away and flexed his left hand into a fist.

Eyepatch whistled. “Damn, simple as that? Good as new?”

“They kinda feel like they’re asleep, but I think they’ll be good soon.”

“How come you can do that?”

“It’s not really a ‘can do’ thing, it just happens. No idea. I’m still learning.”

“Is your nipple gonna grow back?”

Evan looked down at his left pec. Where there had been a pert pierced nipple was now a sunburst of scar tissue. He poked at it, cautiously. There was no titillating tingle, only the blunt yes/no sensation of pressure on his skin. “God damn it!”

“What the hell’s up with your tits, anyway? You got some kind of hormone imbalance? I’ve seen chicks with implants smaller—”

“It’s all fucking muscle, okay? I’m just built thick! My whole family is!”

“Huh. You got a sister?”

“Oh, fuck you.”

Evan bit into another protein bar. All things considered, he’d come out of the whole encounter mostly intact—he could basically see out of his left eye by now—but the loss of his nipple really bothered him for reasons he was embarrassed to think about. So rather than think about it, he decided to talk.

“So who are you, anyway?”

Eyepatch seemed to consider the question for longer than necessary, but eventually he said, “Titus. My name’s Titus.”

“I’d say it’s nice to meet you, Titus, but nice meetings don’t usually involve a shallow grave.”

“Hey, that grave was plenty deep for the circumstances, thank you very much. It’s harder to bury a guy in sand than you’d think,” Titus said, a hint of wounded pride in his voice. “Plus, after I dragged your heavy ass out here—”

“In my car.”

“…in your car, because I drive a motorcycle, two feet is all I really had the energy to manage.” Titus winced and put his hand to his left side. “Plus, I think you bruised a couple of my ribs.”

“You fuckin’ bit pieces off me, ripped out my eye, and shot me with my own gun. You got off easy.”

“I don’t patch back together like some kinda… meat machine, though. And don’t forget how you squashed my fuckin’ nuts.”

“Oh, sorry, next time I’m yanked out of the time stream I’ll think of a more gentle way to deal with it,” Evan snapped.

That seemed to shut Titus up for a moment. He stared at the sand for a little while, then asked, “So what’s your name?”

“Well, you said you saw all my IDs. One of them’s real.”

“The card I paid with said ‘Evander G. Abrams’ but that’s a fake name if I’ve ever heard one. I’m guessing… ‘Babak Ervin’.”

Evan burst out laughing. “Oh man, I hardly ever use that one! You had it right the first time.”

“Seriously? But it’s such a…”

“White name?”

“That’s not what I was gonna say, but since you brought it up, yeah, kinda, unless you count Holyfield. What the hell ethnicity are you, anyway?”

“Wow, you don’t beat around the bush, do you?”

“I just watched a man I thought I wrongfully killed climb out of a grave and piece himself back together. You’ll have to excuse me being a bit indelicate.”

“You don’t strike me as that type who’s ever delicate.”

“Hey, fuck you, pal. This whole thing ain’t been a picnic for me, either. So your name really is Evander?”

“I just go by Evan.”

“Fine then, Evan it is.”

“Fine.”

“Good.”

“Okay.”

“Alright.”

“…do you hear that? Sounds like an engine.”

Titus cocked his head, then froze. “Oh shit.”

“What?”

Titus jumped off the bumper. “We gotta get outta here. Now! Close the trunk!”

Evan stood up, mainly to keep Titus from closing the trunk on him. “What’s going on?”

“Some very unpleasant people are on their way! Oh shit, you can see them, look!” Titus pointed towards the horizon. In the near-dawn almost-light, Evan thought he could see a plume of dust moving their way. “Get the keys and let’s go!”

“Okay, okay! You’re bossy for someone who just killed me,” Evan grumbled, walking around to the driver’s side.

“Well clearly it wasn’t that big of a fucking deal, so quit your bitching and drive or we’re both gonna be cactus food!”

“Jeeeesus,” Evan muttered, getting into the car. “Augh, you fucked with the seat and the mirrors? Seriously?”

“START THE FUCKING ENGINE.” Evan jammed the key in, cranked it, put the car in gear, and pressed the gas. “What way’s the quickest way to the… uh-oh.”

Skrrrrrr. Vzzzzzzz. Ssskrrrrt.

“Come on! Why aren’t we moving?!”

“Because you drove a VW Bug God-knows-how-far into the fucking Mojave! We sunk into the sand! I can’t get traction!”

“Aren’t Bugs off-roaders? I thought these things were supposed to be good rally cars!”

“The classic ones, yes, and if they’re kitted that way, yes! I don’t even drive this thing in the winter in central Ohio!”

“Well do something!” Titus sounded like he was on the edge of panic. Evan swung his door open. “Get behind the wheel. I’ll push. And if you leave me…”

“I’m not gonna, Christ! Just do it!” Titus shouted, clambering into the driver’s seat.  Evan crouched down behind the Bug and leaned his back against it, digging his heels into the sand. He threw his weight against it as Titus floored the gas, but all that got him was his calves sandblasted by the spinning wheels.

“Okay okay okay, stop stop stop!” Evan yelled after two knee-straining, back-breaking minutes of pushing and listening to his engine whine. “This isn’t working! We gotta try something else!”

“Well what do you suggest?” Titus screamed from the driver’s seat, nearly hysterical. “We have a rapidly shrinking window of time within which it is okay to be here!”

“Who are these guys, anyway?” Evan asked, squinting at the five—he could make them out clearly now—figures rapidly approaching them.  He could hear the roar of engines.  This didn’t make him feel a particularly strong sense of urgency—Maybe he was tired. Maybe he’d already subconsciously decided they weren’t going to get out of there in time.

Or maybe a small, sadistic part of him was enjoying watching the man who’d mutilated him grow more and more frantic.

“The Billiards MC! A bunch of drug-running shithead bikers! Real vicious bastards!” Titus yelled, flinging open the car door and nearly falling out. He crouched by the car’s forward fender, drawing his pistol and glancing nervously over the hood.

“And they’re coming for us why?” Evan asked, slowly stepping around the front of the car. The roar of the motorcycle engines was growing louder.

“It’s a long story, but the Cliff Notes version is I blew up their meth lab.”

“Huh. Lot of that going around lately,” Evan said absently. “So you don’t think you can take them?”

“Jesus Christ, no! Even with my power I won’t be able to get far enough away to keep them from fillin’ me fulla holes! You gotta do something!”

Evan had already intended to, but that little spiteful corner of his soul wanted to make Titus sweat a little more. “And why is that?”

“Because I can give you what you’re looking for!” Titus yelled, anger edging out the fear in his voice. “’Take me to a friend who can teach me about magic’! That’s what you wrote on that damn lamp! That’s me! I know some shit! I can teach you!”

‘A friend’? That’s what that translated to?  Evan grinned. “Well, hell, all right then! I guess we have an—”

The bullet smacked into his left shoulder and went clear through. He could see the bikers now, and it turned out one of them as actually two—and the rider was sighting down a rifle over the driver’s shoulder. Mostly for effect, Evan grabbed his already-healing shoulder and dove behind the car next to Titus. “Okay, so—these guys don’t have some kind of pool-themed power set, do they?”

“What? No! No, that’s stupid! No, they’ll all just normies with guns and knives!  Their founder’s name is William Yard!  Bill Yard! Billiards!”

Evan’s face went slack. “That’s… that’s actually kinda clever,” he said, grudgingly. “So are they going to try to shake you down, or are they ‘kill on sight’ mad at you?”

Titus peeked up through the driver’s side window. “Good question… I put a couple of their guys in traction and stole a couple hundred thousand bucks in addition to the whole ‘blowing up the lab’ thing…”

“A ‘couple hundred’ thousand?!”

“Yeah, and that’s not easy as it sounds, either. You know how much cash that is, especially when it’s in small bills? I had to balance three duffel bags on my bike and--”

“Sorry to interrupt, but that’s not really pertinent right now!” Evan hissed. “Should we—well, you start shooting now?”

“They’re probably gonna try to get me to give back the money, but that’s already long gone.” Titus exhaled heavily and sat back against the door. “Look, maybe if we go out there you can at least keep them from surrounding us completely. I’ll try to talk to them, but I’m guessing that’s gonna go to shit pretty quick. After that it’s up to you, okay?”

“Alright, fine. Just get clear and I’ll do my best. Put the gun away and let’s get out there.” --------------- The plan worked, insofar as there was an actual plan. When Titus and Evan stood up and walked around the car with their hands up (Evan still holding his ‘wound’), the bikers stopped in a semicircle around them instead of completely encircling them. His hands still raised, Titus stepped forward to, as he’d put it, ‘work my magic’.

“Heeeyyyy, guys! Great timing! I was just—” Blam-kssh!

Evan jerked forward, almost forgetting that he was supposed to be wounded. “…you did not just shoot my fucking window out, you son of a—"

“Hey-hey-hey whoa whoa whoa!” Titus cut in, holding a hand out in front of Evan. “There’s no need for any of that, 8-Ball, we can come to—”

“Where’s our fucking money, Finnegan?” 8-Ball said, his gravelly voice oddly quiet. He seemed to Evan to be the leader of this little band, and he looked for all the world like “Biker #1” right out of central casting. He was heavyset, bordering on fat, but was obviously packing some serious muscle under his leathers and huge bushy beard in addition to the .44 that was smoking in his hand. His namesake, set in the mouth of a fanged, fiery-eyed skull, was tattooed on the front of his bare belly, which Evan had to admit was a pretty striking commitment to a personal aesthetic.

“I’m getting to that, I’m getting to that!” Titus said, pleadingly. “My friend here, he can cover it—”

Evan whipped his head towards Titus, clenching his teeth and glaring. “—here, Evan, let me introduce you to the gang…”

Titus was doing something with his eye. He seemed to be gesturing towards each of the bikers with rapidly movements. Look at them.

Evan decided to play along and tried to size up the bikers without making it obvious that he was trying to calculate the best way to hurt each of them.

“There’s Stick…”

A skinny, pimply guy. Probably the new kid. His bike was too clean, his jacket too shiny, and he didn’t even have a gun; he was holding a Louisville Slugger that looked like it’d never even been used to hit a baseball.

“…Felt…”

A bit on the short side, but nearly as broad as Evan at the shoulder. His curly, short-cropped hair blended into his beard, his chest hair, and as far as Evan could tell, his back hair. He was gripping some kind of jerry-rigged pump-action sawn-off that looked almost as likely to hurt him as whoever it was pointed at.

“…I think that’s English under there…”

Definitely the odd man out. Full racing suit and a mirror-visored helmet. Even his—their? Evan couldn’t even tell—bike was unusual. While the rest of the Billiards rode some variation on the theme of a chopper, English’s bike was a sleek-profiled racer. They were holding some kind of machine pistol in one hand and were idly twirling a switchblade in the other.

“…you’ve already met 8-Ball, and that’s Scratch there with him…”

If 8-Ball was a cookie-cutter biker extra, then Scratch was a perfect “white trash girlfriend”. She was the one who’d shot Evan earlier, and was still holding her rifle as though she intended to swing it up and fire it at any second. She was a very unhealthy-looking skinny, with damaged, stringy hair, prematurely wrinkling skin, and less than an optimal number of teeth. She seemed to be trying to make up for that number in visible track marks and scabs, though. She was open-mouth chewing something that Evan couldn’t identify and was trying very hard not to think about.

“…and hey, who could forget Pockets?”The last member was wearing an open face helmet with goggles and a leather vest over what looked a military flight suit sewn with a truly Liefeldian number of pouches. Evan supposed they were full of spare magazines for the two Glocks he was holding, because he was making clinking noises whenever he shifted his weight.

“…now that we’re all introduced, why don’t I let you guys work out with Evan how you’re going to get your money back, with interest?”

“He ain’t even got clothes,” Stick sneered. This was true; Evan was still in his now blood-splattered heart-print boxers.  “He ain’t got the money.”

“Not on him right now, obviously!” Titus snapped. Evan could see him starting to sweat and his fingers were beginning to twitch. “Look, just let us get back to town and—”

“And nothin’,” 8-Ball rumbled. “If your boyfriend really has the money, well,” he raised his gun again, “we can just dig through his car after he’s dead.” There was a chorus of slides cocking and safeties releasing. Titus made a tch sound.“Well, if that’s how it’s gonna go,” he said, spreading his hands to the side, lowering his head, and freezing. Evan watched intently, eyes wide. Was he about to reveal some other magic?Titus raised his head and grinning at 8-Ball. “Scratch said mine’s bigger.”

Scratch gasped and started to stammer, 8-Ball turned to her with a look of hurt and anger on his face, and for a second, the whole gang was looking away from Titus. In that instant, he vanished. Less than a second later, Evan heard an ‘oof’ from the direction of the grave he’d occupied just half an hour before. Evan wasn’t sure whether to be amused or angry before 8-Ball yelled, “Kill these motherfuckers!”

“Not in front of my fucking caaaarrrrrr-----”

Protect the parts that will incapacitate you if they take too much damage, Evan thought, crossing his elbows in front of his chest and ducking his head behind his forearms. A distressing number of bullets were missing him and hitting his beloved Bug, but there was plenty of lead to go around. The noise was almost worse than the actual pain of getting shot, but Evan quickly noticed, to his disquiet and disgust, that he could tell who hit him by the shape of the bullets punching into his flesh.

Most of the hits were to his abdomen and thighs; his arms turned out to be sturdy enough to keep any lead from getting to his brain or heart, but a well-aimed shot from Scratch blew off a non-trivial chunk of his skull and made both his ears and eyes ring. And sometime during the hail of gunfire, Evan’s favorite boxers were torn from his body, fluttering limply to the ground as a pile of sad, defeated-looking rags.

Then, as the cacophony started to die down, one last blast from Felt’s shotgun knocked Evan’s left leg out from under him and he fell face-first into the dirt.

“Did we get him?”

“How the fuck’s he still movin’?”

“Christ, you see the size of his pecker?”

Evan pushed himself up on his forearms. He hurt, yes, but he was also angry. Angry that his first actual lead had been such a pain in the ass. Angry that he’d lost his boxers and his nipple. Angry that he’d woken up in a fucking hole in the ground and now had to deal with the problems of the guy who’d put him in it. Angry that his dick was getting scraped up from dragging on the sand.

“Go finish ‘im off, Stick.”

Evan raised his head to see that scrawny pimply prick walking towards him, smacking that pristine bat against his bony palm. Evan just knew he was going to say something fucking stupid.

“Eenie, meenie, miney—”

Stick’s obnoxious, outdated, barely-situationally-appropriate pop-culture reference was interrupted as Evan’s right hand swung up and clenched around his balls.

Let us step back for a moment and examine Evan’s fighting capabilities. He was not, at this point in his ‘career’, a martial artist. He was, however, a multi-faceted athlete. From boxing to cross-country running to gymnastics to baseball to wrestling to swimming to soccer to ballet to pole dancing, he had, since he was very young, explored what his body was capable of and refined his control over it until he was certain he could rise to any physical challenge. He was fast, precise, and flexible, and his recent bulking had only added to what he could do with his fine-tuned control over his body.

He was also the carrier of a deep, uncomfortably intense anger. And that, coupled with basic medical training from night classes studying to be an EMT, meant he had spent a lot of frustrated, sleepless nights thinking of very particular and very precise hypothetical methods of hurting people.

And now he had a little shithead’s nuts in his hand, and punchy, angry music playing in his head.

I can feel it on the back of my tongue, all of the words, getting trapped in my lungs

Stick screamed. Evan screamed. And then Evan yanked downward, tearing away a handful of denim and bloody flesh. As Stick folded up, Evan launched himself upwards, swinging his still-clenched fist up into the shrieking kid’s stomach. Then, now on his feet, he grabbed Stick’s sorry excuse for a ponytail, yanked his head back, and delivered a straight-armed downward punch across his jaw, sending him into the dirt in a gurgling, squirming heap.

Heavy like a stone, waiting for the river to run

Evan dug the balls of his feet into the sand and launched himself towards Pockets, who just happened to be the closest biker standing. The bepouched man was struggling to retrieve a fresh magazine for one of his pistols, but his hands were shaking violently. He screamed in terror as Evan bore down on him, head down and kicking up dust like a charging cartoon bull.

With all that metal he's wearing, it’ll be hard to land an incapacitating blow from a standing position. Get him on the ground.

Evan hit Pockets's waist with his shoulder and wrapped his arms around him, lifting the screaming man easily into the air. Still running, he whipped his passenger backwards, then swung their combined weights forwards, knocking the wind noisily from Pockets and winding up on top of him.

I wanna LASH OUT I wanna LET IT OUT

Pockets was screaming for help now, but Evan was hitting his stride and let the momentum of his own personal violence carry him seamlessly into his next move. With his left hand, he grabbed Pockets's helmet and yanked his head to the side, and brought his right elbow down hard where the neck joined the shoulder. Pockets made a wheezing sound, and Evan was back on his feet before he even went slack.

‘Cuz I can feel it on the back of my tongue, on the back of my tongue

Felt was closest, now, and had recovered from the shock of Stick's barehanded castration enough to start attempting to do something about the naked madman brutalizing his fellows with his bare hands. Unfortunately, he decided his best move was to try to load another shell into his shotgun as Evan rushed at him.

His core’s really thick and his center of gravity is low. I probably won’t be able to knock him down easily and body blows won’t cut it. Alley-oop.

Oh, hard to hold this fire inside me

Felt finally slid the shell home and cocked his shotgun, but by time he looked up, Evan was no longer on the ground. He’d swung his left leg forward and up and over across his body, launching himself into the air and twisting around his own vertical axis. By the time Felt realized what was happening, Evan’s right leg had swung around and his right heel hit Felt right in the temple. The hirsute man’s eyes glazed over and he slumped sideways to the ground while Evan landed on all fours and pushed off again, scrabbling at the dirt with his fingers as he lunged along the ground at surprising (to himself, at least) speed.

English stood between Evan and 8-Ball and Scratch. With that full-body suit and that helmet, they’ll be too hard to drop quickly. I’ll save you for later.

Oh, I know, sometimes it’s frightening

Evan hit English in the thighs with his shoulders and set them tumbling over him as he scrambled towards the uncouth couple. To his credit, 8-Ball stepped protectively in front of Scratch. Evan stopped his scuttling, planted his hands in the sand, and swung his legs around. He pointed his toes and kicked 8-Ball in the thigh, but the big man merely grunted angrily and grabbed Evan by the ankle. But as he hauled Evan’s leg upwards, Evan’s other leg came up with it and hooked around the back of 8-Ball’s head. Then Evan tensed his abs, swung himself upwards, and punched 8-Ball square in the face.

Hard to hold this fire inside me

8-Ball let out a yell and released Evan’s ankle, and the Ugly Man brought his other leg around the biker’s neck. He swung himself up further and started to rain blows down on 8-Ball’s scalp as the big man staggered backwards. The sand slipped under 8-Ball’s heels and he went down under the force of Evan’s next punch, but as he fell he managed to wedge an arm up between Evan’s leg and his own face. By the time they hit the dirt, 8-Ball had thrown his considerable weight to the side and swung Evan beneath him, pinning Evan’s thigh to the ground with one beefy forearm. Then he lunged up Evan’s chest and wrapped his hands around his throat.

“You ugly donkey-dicked motherfucker, you’re gonna pay for what you did to my boys—” 8-Ball’s walnut-knuckled fingers were ridiculously strong. Evan grabbed at the callused thumbs, trying to pry the hands off his throat, but 8-Ball’s considerable weight and strength were making it difficult to get any leverage. The two men struggled and grunted and swore at each other until a shadow fell over them.

Evan jerked his head to the side, but the bullet came close enough to his cheek to spray it painfully with flying dirt. 8-Ball looked up and yelled something at Scratch, who was trying to get her rifle lined up with Evan’s forehead. Evan could only guess at what they were screaming at each other, given that all he could hear in the wake of the gunshot was a high-pitched whine, but 8-Ball’s attention was momentarily diverted.

Oh, I know it’s not really like me to

Evan tucked his knees up, braced his feet under 8-Ball’s prodigious gut, and pushed. For a moment, the dawn sky was obscured by 8-Ball’s eponymous tattoo, then there was a brief scream, an oof, and a thud.

Evan got to his knees to see 8-Ball doing the same, panicking over Scratch’s limp form. She looked about as well as you’d expect a 120-pound woman to look after she’d just had a 300-pound man tossed onto her. Her head lolled around on her shoulders as 8-Ball shook her gently, pleading for her to come around. Then Evan, in a move he would later consider to be one of his most heartless, jumped on 8-Ball’s back and slung his arm around his neck.

LASH OUT

8-Ball tried to reach over his shoulders to claw at Evan’s face; Evan, meanwhile, was trying to remember how long you could keep someone in a rear naked choke without actually killing them. After a few seconds that seemed to take several hours, 8-Ball’s blunt fingers stopped scrabbling at Evan’s face and he went slack. Evan breathed a sigh of relief and let up on the pressure.

His shoulder exploded with a hot, wet pain that snaked down his right arm like molten lead. An urgent, insistent pain. It actually hurts! Does that mean I’m already running out of gas?

English’s switchblade was sticking out of his back.  It clearly hadn’t had the effect the mystery biker had in mind, because they jerked back as Evan surged to his feet, snarling. His left hand shot out and grabbed the lapel of English’s racing suit.

I can feel the cork come out of the bottle

And then he yanked hard and swung his head forward.

I can feel the cork come out of the bottle

Again. A spiderweb of cracks formed on English’s mirrored visor.

I can feel the cork come out of the bottle

Again. Now there were more cracks than solid plastic.

I CAN FEEL THE CORK COME OUT OF THE BOTTLE

The knife popped out of Evan’s shoulder as he drew his fist back.

LASH OUT

English’s visor shattered under the force of Evan’s punch, and, from the sound of it, so did their nose. They collapsed in a heap as Evan released his grip. And then it was over. Evan stood in the breaking dawn, naked, covered in blood, muscles bulging and chest heaving from exertion, surrounded by prone and groaning, and in one case, weakly screaming, figures. He’d won. “Yes! Yesyesyesyes!” he hissed to himself, pumping his arms and shaking his hips, dancing to the fading music inside his head. He froze when he glanced up and saw Titus watching him over the edge of what was formerly his grave. Evan cleared his throat, absently brushed some of the sand off himself, and walked over.

“There. It’s done. Can we go?”

Titus sat up. “That was some ugly fuckin’ poetry in motion, my friend,” he said, taking Evan’s hand and pulling himself out of the grave. “So where do we go from here? Cap ‘em all, dig a few more of these babies? Ooh, think we can get ‘em to dig their own?”

“No,” Evan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Get their guns and let’s get out of here. I think we—”

He was cut off by another long, weak scream from Stick, who was on his knees with his forehead pressed to the ground, hands clamped around his groin.

Evan sighed again. “Or I suppose I should do the good guy thing… still, get their guns and make sure none of them—Goddammit, dude, stop staring at my crotch,” he muttered, blushing.

Titus clucked his tongue disapprovingly. “Jesus, some guys have all the luck.” Evan fixed him with a withering gaze, scars wiggling around his face as he pursed his lips. “Most of the luck,” Titus corrected himself.

---------

“Stop crying, you big fucking baby,” Evan said. “I didn’t even damage your testicles; I just tore the skin on your scrotum. It’ll be fine. Maybe stay off your bike for a couple days. Now bite down on that cloth, this disinfectant spray is going to sting something fierce.”

Titus smiled contentedly at the sound of Stick’s muffled scream, then turned back to Scratch, gesturing with his gun. “Hand it over.”

Scratch, still acting slightly dazed (though Titus wasn’t sure if this was as a result of the fight or just whatever she’d chosen to inhale that morning), clutched the rifle to her chest. “No way! This belonged to my daddy!”

“No, it belonged to my daddy and you stole it from me, you tweaking skank,” Titus said, yanking the rifle away from the pouting Scratch. He gave the gun a cursory inspection, nodded to himself, and looked around.

The Billiards MC were sitting together in the dirt, holding cold packs to various injuries and looking sheepish. Evan had retrieved a spare pair of shorts, to everyone’s relief, and had seen to each of their injuries with an efficient, if not entirely sympathetic, manner. He assured them, with an air of faint menace, that nothing he did would be permanent beyond a few scars. Their weapons, on the other hand, were sitting in a pile several yards away. On the other side of Titus, who now had several guns about his person and a mean look in his eye.

“Alright, he’ll live, and, regrettably, probably be able to reproduce,” Evan said briskly, wiping some blood and other fluids off his hands as he strode away from Stick’s prone form. “Now… what are we going to do about the rest of you?”

The Billiards regarded him uneasily. Titus started whistling tunelessly, spinning a handgun backwards and forwards in his fingers. Evan stared off into the middle distance for a moment, lips pursed to the side, and then snapped his fingers and jogged back to the Bug.  He returned with a worn black duffel bag and tossed it in front of 8-Ball. It went whumpf. “I think that should cover the damages Mr… Finnegan? Caused you,” he said, mildly.

“What?” Titus shouted, staring at Evan with his mouth open, “you’re paying them?!”

“Call it an exchange. Or maybe it's just a ‘I don’t want this stuff in my car’.”

8-Ball was cautiously unzipping the bag, as if he thought it might explode. Once the zipper was open enough for him to peer in, he very reluctantly leaned over the hole and peered inside. Then he swore loudly.

“Holy shit! This—” He unzipped the bag the rest of the way, hauling out plastic-wrapped bricks of powdery white substance. “—this is—holy shit,” he finished, stupefied. “Pockets, check this shit.”

Pockets crawled forward and produced a small knife from one of his namesakes, deftly slitting one of the packages open. Then, with the precision and care of a watchmaker, he produced several inexplicably unbroken test tubes, petri dishes, and a handful of tiny vials of varying colors from his pockets and began arranging them in the dirt.  Titus and Evan shared a look that said: how is this the weirdest part of today?

After a few minutes of things foaming and fizzing and changing color, 8-Ball spoke up. “So what’s it cut with? It better not be fentanyl or we’re gonna have a problem. Selling it. Because that ain’t ethical,” he added hastily as Evan’s knuckles cracked like shifting gravel.

“…nothing.” Patches said, in the hushed tones of a lepidopterist finding an extinct butterfly in his backyard. “It’s��� pure.”

“No fuckin’ way,” 8-Ball and Titus said at the same time.

Pockets dipped his finger in the powder and rubbed some on his gums. “Bluh… yeap. Whoa. But this can’t be coke. There’s too much here, it’s… you know what, fuck it.” And then he sprinkled some on the back of his hand and inhaled deeply.

Five minutes later, Evan and 8-Ball managed to get ahold of him and wrestle him to the ground. Pockets was vibrating slightly and cheering and laughing at nothing, though it was slightly muffled because Felt was sitting on his back.

“Well, uh, that’s good enough for me,” 8-Ball said, wiping his forehead. “And we can just have it? You sure?”

“Yeah,” Evan panted, bent double. “Get it out of here. Just don’t do anything stupid with it.”

“Where’d ya even get it?”

“Took it off a gang I beat up in Albuquerque.”

“Wait, that… that wudn’t the Five-Tens, was it?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit, we heard they basically broke up a couple days ago! All their guys are in jail or the hospital! Everyone said it had to be rival dealers, but nobody died! I heard some of ‘em were sayin’…”

8-Ball trailed off, staring at Evan with a fresh look of awe and horror. “Yer him. Yer the Ugly Man.”

Evan said nothing. He merely grinned. It was a good menacing grin; he’d spent a few hours practicing it in the mirror. The key was the slow parting of the lips, then the widening; the startlingly white and straight teeth behind the split burnt umber lips, the way his jaw didn’t quite fit together properly, the way the scars seemed to squirm around his face like a nest of worms, the way the edges of his mouth threatened to engulf his ears—it was a masterpiece. That, combined with a slight tilt of the head to drop his eyes into the shadow of his brows and a quiet, guttural chuckle, created a total effect that seemed to dip Evan’s face into the uncanny valley.

8-Ball shuddered. “Jesus. They… we thought they was just all high outta their minds! We didn’t think you was real!”

“Oh, I’m real, all right,” Evan growled, the grin snapping back to a scowl as he grabbed 8-Ball’s jacket. “Now you’re gonna take that coke, and you’re gonna do whatever you want with it, and you’re gonna leave us alone. I don’t give a shit if you sell drugs to people completely capable of making their own bad decisions. But here’s the thing—I’m gonna keep my ears open, and if I ever hear about you shlubs extorting a grieving family like the Five-Tens did I will come down upon you like the wrath of the worst god you can think of. Do-I-make-myself-clear?” 8-Ball managed to nod.

“Good. Now get the hell out of here and spread the word,” Evan said, pushing him away. “Oh, uh… and help me get my car out of the sand.” ---------------------- “Man, you are something fucking else,” Titus laughed dryly. “Trading them drugs you stole off of some other scumbags so they’d stop fucking with me. Of course, beating the shit out of them first probably helped.”

Evan made a slight exhalation of acknowledgement, keeping his eyes on the road.

“So I was thinking—I think we can work something out. You scratch my back, etcetera? I help you find out the things you want to know, you help me with some of the more… hands-on aspects of my work?”

“You mean catch more bullets for you?”

“That might come into play, yes,” Titus admitted, hesitantly, “but think about it—without me you’re just gonna be bumbling around until you trip over something weird, or worse, using dumb cursed crap to try to find out answers and maybe tearing a hole in the fabric of reality in the process.”

“Can that actually happen?”

“See, this is what I mean. You’ve got questions, I’ve got… well, we’ll see what I’ve got. More than you’ve got right now, that’s what matters. We can make this work, kid.”

Evan sighed inwardly. It was a lead. And Titus seemed like he could be at least interesting to be around; he’d just have to make sure to keep an eye on his wallet.

“Let’s get something to eat and talk it over. Healing makes me hungry.”

“There you go! That’s the spirit.”

They drove in silence for a little while longer, only minutes away from the edge of town. Evan started to relax. Maybe this could work.

“Oh yeah, I forgot to ask… what the hell’s wrong with your dick?”

Evan groaned. Or maybe not.

[owlsoldwritingcorner]

Honey and Oats (Chapter 2)

Pairing: Agent Whisky x Reader

Warnings/Troupes: Not much rn except Age gap relationship for future. + Enemies to lovers. Two cowboys cant flirt for shit.

A/N: This is a bit shorter cus the next one is gonna be a bit spicy, so i wanted to give more room for that chapter!

Summary: “Mucous membrane.” Eggsy’s face scrunched up at the first thought that came to mind as he looked at the two of you. 

“That’s like up the nose, isn’t it?”

“What the fuck am I gonna to do? Stick my finger up…”

.

.

“It’s not just inside the nose, is it?”

AO3 Link

{First/Previous} {Next} {Masterlist}

And then there were two. 

Eggsy had to say goodbye to his girlfriend and get the tickets from his contact first before the three of you could hit the road. And because that damn cowboy refused to take literally any other vehicle, you were stuck in the trunk like a sack of potatoes. If you fell off the car, it’s your fault for not holdin’ on.

The stretch of silence was long and awkward between you two. You didn’t bother saying a single word to the man. Why would you? Boring holes in the back of his head with your stare was much more preferable. 

Just as the silence was starting to become insufferable, Whiskey honked his horn to tell Eggsy to hurry the fuck up already. Another second and there won’t be any more Statesman agents on the job. Soon after, Eggsy finally came back out. Three passes right on hand.

“Got the passes from my contact. You’ll love Glastonbury.” 

“Well that’s the easy part kid. Take a look in the glove box.” The younger agent opened the compartment to reveal the chip. And here comes the jokes about the finger condom.

“Fucking hell, bruv. Thought everything was supposed to be bigger in America?” Eggsy looked at you both with an amused expression. “Is that why you overcompensate with these massive cars?”

“Well, Whiskey’s dick is the exception to that sayin--”

“Shut your trap, Rum. It goes on your finger,” Whiskey sticks out an index finger to emphasize his point. “The surveillance tracker is on the tip. Apply light pressure for three seconds to release it,” The cowboy then shoves his said index finger in your face. 

“And you. What do you have against Jack jr.?” Before you could say another snarky comeback, Whiskey snapped his fingers and shoved the index in your face again. “You wanna ride ole Whiskey horse don’t ‘cha? Young girls like you always got trouble articulatin’ whatcha’ want.” The whole time, he just kept waving that damn finger in your face! Just right when you were about to chomp it right off, he pulled it quicker than any man’s pull out game.

“Not fallin’ for that one again.” He placed his hands on the wheel, looking at you via the rear view mirror with a triumphant smile as if he’s got you all figured out.

Okay.

You had to admit. Whiskey looked really fucking good for his age. You’ll never say it to his face though. It’d be both a hit to your pride and a major boost to his ego. Any bigger and the old man’s gonna pop. But really? It’s just too fucking bad that all that eyecandy ain’t got a good center to match!

“Now, just admit that all this pent up frustration, is cuz you’re into ‘old man’ Whiskey here?” 

“In yer fuckin’ dreams.”

“You’re right. You’re less of a god damn brat in them.” He muttered as he turned the key to start the car’s engine. 

Ugh. He always acts all cool and oh-so suave as if his back isn’t ready to break the moment he picks something up from off the--

Wait a fucking second.

“Whiskey, did you just-- Oh fuck!” Just as you moved closer to the drivers and passenger’s seat, you were knocked right on your ass. The familiar damn chuckle coming from the driver’s seat. That fuckin’ hillbilly practically kicked the fucking gas pedal just to laugh at your pain!

“You should really hold on kid. There ain’t no seatbelts back there.”

“And whose choice do you think it was to ride this fuckin’ car?! Achhkuot sbanh!”

“Getting the Cambodian out on me already? I’m flattered, querida.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

During the whole trip, Whiskey’s words echoed through your mind.

You’re right. You’re less of a god damn brat in them.

Did… Did he mean for it to sound that way? Like, did he ever actually… Have those kinda dreams starring you? 

You tried to mentally wave it off as him just trying to shut you up, but his fucking voice kept popping up in your head.

You’re less of a god damn brat in them.

That buttery smooth, low voice of his accompanying those words. You couldn’t help but overthink what he said. 

Sure his glances are a bit longer than what’s considered a normal glance, but that doesn’t mean anything!, and when he gives you a pat on the back after  and whenever you’re up in his face, he licks those fuckin’ kissable lips of his like he’s thinking of something he shouldn’t--

Wait.

Did you say kissable?

You meant to say punchable. That cowboy’s face is just… The most murderable, most stabbable, most lickable--

Goddamn it! 

What the fuck’s gotten into you?! The guy admits to having, for all you know, one fuckin’ sex dream about you and you’re just readdy to turn to putty in his hands?

Just as the three of you arrived at the concert, you jumped out of the back of the trunk and quickly headed into one of the porta potties. Eggsy looked mighty confused at your disappearing figure as he got out the car.

“Do they know the concert is this way?”

“Well, considering this is a special kinda mission, I’d just say she’s dolling herself up.”

“Why? The target is straight, so it’s just going to be the two of us doing the work.”

“Yeah. But, she really hates it when she ain’t got nothin’ to do on the job.”

Eggsy just shot him a confused look until he saw you come back out from the porta potty. Then everything just clicked into place like a puzzle. 

Instead of your previous much cuter looking appearance. You were (admittedly) quite handsome after your change of clothes and other fixings. You wore more masculine looking clothes, cleaned up a bit, and you--

Oh.

You did an extra step.

The three of you showed your bands to the bouncers and waltzed right in. 

“According to her Instagram feed, Charlie’s ex-girlfriend is up at the VIP bar. Which one of us is gonna plant the tracker?”

“I say we both make an approach. Whoever gets it on best, goes for it.” You rolled your eyes at the suggestion. Getting a girl in bed really shouldn’t be played like a game.

“Well, it doesn’t have to be a competition, bruv. Why don’t we just go up to her-- shake her hand, pat her on the back, whatever, you know, Job done.” 

“Well, as nice and easy that would be, Eggsy. Last I checked, our hands aren't a mucous membrane.” You sighed.

“Neither is the back. They teach you anything at Kingsman?” Whiskey added with an incredulous tone to his voice.

“What are you talking about?”

“Our trackers are designed to enter the bloodstream.” The agent put up his middle and index fingers and made an… Injection motion. 

“If the trackers were attached on the back or something, that’d risk getting damaged in case the target decides to do the ole’ late night tumble.” You added.

“They circulate harmlessly, providing full audio and GPS.” 

“Mucous membrane.” Eggsy’s face scrunched up at the first thought that came to mind as he looked at the two of you. “That’s like up the nose, isn’t it?” The three of you stop a few feet behind the target.  

“What the fuck am I gonna to do? Stick my finger up…” Eggsy paused once he stuck up his finger, similar motion Whiskey did prior. His face contorting into realization as to where else the tracker can be placed.

“It’s not just inside the nose, is it?”

“No, Eggsy, it ain’t.” The oldest agent let out an exasperated sigh as the British man let out a just as annoyed ‘fuck’.

“All right, I’ll take the first crack.” 

“You sure you won’t croak in the middle of it?” Whiskey finally popped his lid on that final quip from you.

“Know what? Since you’re so sure of yourself, you get first go.” You raised your hands in faux defeat as you walked backwards towards the target. You heard Eggsy give you a little ‘good luck’.

“My pleasure.” You quickly turned around and placed your elbows on the bar top beside the woman.

“I am so sorry to bother you little missie, but I just have to say you are the most ethereal being I have ever seen in my life.” 

“Oh? Is that so?” You’ve gotten her attention at least, she’s skeptical but it’s a start.

“Course! Out of all these stars playin’ today, you seem to be the one outshining them all.” 

“You should get better glasses then, it’s only daytime.”

“Are you suggesting the view is even better at night?” You mentally winched at that one. Yeah… Not your best hit.

“Nope,” She popped the ‘p’ before taking a quick sip of her drink. “I am saying that you are clearly blind. You’ve been looking at the sun for too long.” She then turned her head, all ready to ignore you. You rolled your eyes and looked at Whiskey, who looked more than ready to be tagged in, and signaled for him to come over by moving over to give him some space. 

Whiskey practically had a pop in his step as he waltzed over to take your place. 

He can finally rub a victory in your fucking face! You won’t steal anymore of his targets from him in the future! Take that you sexually confusing minx!

Wait that came out wrong--

“Now, I don’t wanna pester you…” Quickly distracting himself from the confusing thoughts, he got to working his charm.The woman turned her face to the new voice trying to get her attention. “But, I just had to know, what time are you playin’?” She let out an awkward chuckle. Whilst Whiskey kept her busy, you ordered yourself a Blue Long Island cocktail and not so discreetly listened in on their conversation. 

“I’m not in a band-- Oh god, who did you think I was? Please don’t say someone ghastly.” she hid her face in embarrassment at the thought. Great, you can see Whiskey’s dumb smirk loom over you now.

“God damn it, now I feel like a fool.” He got a bit closer to the blond and you shivered at the husky tone his voice switched to. 

He was supposed to be seducing her, not you! Get your head out of the fuckin clouds! 

“I just assumed a woman with your charisma… Well, she just had to be somebody.” 

Well… He tripped the landing a bit. 

“Right. Thank you.”

“No, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to make me feel like a dumbass. So I’ll let you make it up to me by letting me buy you a drink,” Wow, gettin’ a teensy bit aggressive there Whiskey. The blond then rolled her eyes as she stuck up an index finger.

“Follow my finger.” Oh boy. She then swiped her finger to her left twice as Whiskey followed, confused. Wait, was that--

“What are we doin’?”

“Swiping to the left,” You almost let out an unattractive snort. She indeed did what you thought she did. “What, you don’t do Tinder in America?”

“Tinder what?” Whiskey still had a dumb smile on and was as confused as a bat during the daytime. God, he seriously is an old man.

“You know what? I think it’s a generational thing,” Eggsy smoothly cut in and leaned against the bar on the woman’s other side. Oh just in time! 

You were just about to leave from the painful cringing you felt from both Old man Whiskey and little miss Tinder over here.

“It translates as,’Go away, old man’.”

Whiskey paused just before uttering ‘Be good, be cool’. Yup. You could see the biggest hit to his pride on his face yet as he walked off to a sitting bar at this outdoor concert. He just looked so pathetic and sulky you just needed to do something to fix that. Without realizing, you were already right behind the man and Champ’s words echoed in your head. 

“One job together ain’t gonna kill the two of you.”

You mentally wince at what you were about to do for the rest of the day.

You gave the sad man a firm pat on the back, he turned around with hope in his eyes only for that to be extinguished when he saw you.

“C’mon Weepin’ Willow,  I’ll play bartender.”

Taglist: @mxndoscyarika​, @engineeredfiction

[ehstarwar]

under thy own life’s key (1/7)

“The top bunk is missing something.”

“What?”

“Something very important.”

“Rey.”

“A mattress.”

She feels him take a deep breath, chest rising and falling beneath her hands.

“You don’t have to sleep on the floor. We can just… share.”

-

Ben and Rey share a bed on a trip and everything is totally normal and nothing is weird.

-

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 2K

Read on AO3

Notes: the sharing a bed trope is the only thing keeping serotonin production in my head, so plz enjoy （´∀｀）ノ♡

Chapter 1: all the world's my way

-

“I think you’re being a little ridiculous.” 

“I am not being ridiculous. If anything, I think I’m being over-cautious; but even that is a stretch.”

“I bet you’re secretly one of those doomsday preppers, who has a titanium panic room with a years worth of food and an armory hidden in their basement.”

“I don’t have a basement.”

“In your closet, then. Or behind a bookshelf. I know you have those.”

“We are going into the mountains. With steep hills and rough terrain and a ton of potential areas to get into an accident. It is helpful to have a car with four-wheel drive.”

“Helpful, not necessary. Your fancy, new, four-wheel drive car does not negate the possibility of us getting into an accident.”

“I does mean that if we do get into an accident, we’ll be more likely to come out unharmed than if we crashed with your death-trap ,of what charitably would be considered, a Tonka Truck. I’d honestly be shocked to find out your car had two-wheel drive at this point, Rey.”

Rey snaps her head towards him, mouth agape in shock and rage.

“My AT-AT is in perfect condition for it’s age, thank you very much.” She crosses her arms and turns her head to stare out the passenger side window, hoping Ben could feel her contempt through her body language.

“For day-to-day life, in a relatively flat city; absolutely. For traversing unfamiliar territory, maybe not,” Ben shrugged. Rey wished she could loathe him for his effortless coolness, but he was Ben. Best friend, always answers her text, brings her food whenever she asks him, lets her use his fancy washer and dryer, changes her air filters without asking, picks up her drink tab more often than not, Ben. 

Also, it’s hard to hate someone when it’s July, and their air conditioner is in perfect working condition, and her’s is… not. Instead, Rey just sits there, giving Ben the silent treatment.

After a terse five minutes of driving, Rey hears Ben sigh and signal to turn. When Rey looks over to see where he’s turning, she sees her favorite restaurant of all time; McDonalds.

She looks over at him, seeing the sheepish expression and knows one thing for sure.

No, she definitely can’t hate Ben.

-

It’s nearing eleven when Rey and Ben finally make it to the cabin with all their friends. After hours of winding roads and steep cliffs, both Ben and Rey are overcome with delight when they see the first sign of civilization in the form of their friends cars. 

Though she would never admit it, Rey was very thankful that Ben insisted on driving them. Atty could not have made it on at least four of those inclines and she’s not sure how Ben knew it would come to that, but that’s a discussion for another time. Preferably when they haven’t been driving for six hours, with only McDonalds to sustain them for the majority of the way. They’re both essentially dead on their feet when they arrive to a drunken chorus of ‘Oh, he’s a jolly good fellow.’

“There you two are! I’ve been worried sick about you for the last three hours! Why haven’t you responded to any of my text?” Hux’s nasally voice shouted at her and Ben as soon as they exited the car. 

“Good to see you, too, Armie,” Ben shouts over his shoulder. Hux looks like he’s about to kill Ben (he’s always been such an angry drunk) when his fiancée comes stumbling over, pushing all four of them into a group hug. 

“Ugh I was so worried about you guys. Couldn’t stop picturing your car driving right off a cliff and the bears finding you and flinging your corpses all over the forrest. Would’ve miss you guys at the wedding.” Poe’s drunken ramblings always made for a good story time the next day, but Rey was pretty sure this one would be skipped. 

“Aw, Poe. You really underestimate Ben’s driving skills. He only ran over, like, four squirrels!” Rey teased, pulling Poe’s arms off them. Ben shot her a nasty look, but Rey just smiled back at him. 

“Well regardless, I’m glad you’re here. In one piece. Well, two pieces. Two complete pieces.” Hux’s face contorts in confusion as he tries to figure out what he’s trying to say. Rey just laughs and goes to help Ben grab their luggage from the trunk. 

Ben has two suit cases that Rey is sure are packed pristinely and contain everything he could possibly need for the upcoming week, whereas Rey has her largest duffle bag (that doesn’t contain any holes), with clothes toiletries haphazardly stuffed in there.

“Okay, so since you guys got here last, I’ll warn you that you get the last pick of rooms. But, like, don’t worry. Your room is super nice… for a basement. But it has it’s own ensuite, which is like super nice,” Poe slurs. 

“Room? Singular?” Ben asks as they follow Poe and hue into the cabin. 

“The cabin only has six rooms, Benjamin. Something you’d be aware of if you’d gotten here sooner.” Rey can’t see Ben’s expression behind her, but she just knows he’s rolling his eyes at Hux.

“It’s got bunk beds! How fuckin awesome is that! Babe, we should’ve taken the bunk bend room. Do you think we should trade?” Poe’s face lights up until he sees the look of disgust Hux has. 

“We have the master suite darling, We are not trading.”

Ben hurmps behind her and Rey has to keep herself from laughing. The cabin itself is beautiful. Large open living room that leads into the kitchen. Floor to ceiling windows the look over the mountain its perched on. The warmth of the fire can be felt all around, giving the cabin such a homey feel.  Part of her wishes she’d worn flannel, just to feel like she fit it her surroundings. But the late-July heat of Chandrila would have been unbearable. 

Rey saunters on, following an unsteady Hux and Poe down a doorway beneath the stair case. It’s tight and winding and Rey has to resist the urge to turn around and see the undoubtably cramped Ben. She would probably laugh too hard, loose her footing and send them all plummeting down the stairs to their deaths. Not the best way to start the bachelor weekend. 

When they make it through another doorway, a small room, containing the pre-assured bunk bed and a small dresser with a TV out of the 1950s’ on top, Rey began feeling the annoyance she’s sure Ben was.

“Okay so, this is the room and that door is the bathroom and… behind us are the stairs. The kitchen is upstairs too. SO are the rest of the rooms. Well, ours is on the second floor. Or the third?” Poe turns to Hux, who is already going back up the stairs, tossing a ‘goodnight’ over his shoulder. Poe follows him up, leaving Ben and Rey in the room alone. 

“It’s… quaint.”

“It’s a shoebox,” Ben huffs, setting down his luggage. 

“I kind of like it. It’ll be like summer camp!” Rey wants to stay optimistic, knowing that spending the next six days in here will be better if she has a partner that’s not so broody. Like Ben is prone to be. Like he absolutely will be unless Rey wears him down. 

“We should see if someone is willing to change rooms-”

“Benjamin Solo, we will not be changing rooms with anybody tonight. They are all drunk. Like, three-dollar-margs-at-Maz’s drunk. If we use our sobriety to con some unsuspecting friend out of their room, we will not hear the end of it. And I, for one, don’t want to start the week off on the wrong foot.” Rey crosses her arm, hopefully showing a steely and firm demeanor. Not that her 5’7 stature is much against his 6’3 sasquatch-ness, but she tries.

Ben hangs his head and she knows she’s won. “Fine, we’ll barter in the morning.”

“Fine. As a gift to you, I will even take the top bunk so that you don’t hit your head on the ceiling. Ya know, with your freakishly tall body, and all,” Rey says. She doesn’t mention that it’s been her life goal to be able to have the top bunk on a bunk bed. One she’s sure she should have outgrown, but clearly hasn't. 

“How generous of you,” Ben says, like he knows. He turns around and walks into the bathroom, probably going to inspect just how much it doesn’t meet his standards. Rey decided so survey her territory and begins climbing  the ladder onto her bunk. 

By the time she makes it to the top of the ladder it is clear that something is missing. Something essential to a bed. Something that makes her second guess using her power of lucidness to take one of her friends room. Something that makes her cringe as she calls out for Ben.

“Yeah?” He asks sticking his head out of the bathroom. 

“The top bunk is missing something.”

“What?”

“Something very important.”

“Rey.”

“A mattress.”

Rey makes it a habit to never let Ben frown. Mostly because he’s her best friend and she’s heard frowning can induce early-onset wrinkles and a whole slew of other reasons that she’s unwilling to admit to herself. But she knows there isn’t much she can do to stop it now.

“That’s it; I’m going to Poe. We shouldn’t be punished for being the last ones here. This is ridiculous-” Ben goes to march up the stairs, but Rey flings herself in front of him, putting her hands on his chest to stop him.

“It is not that big of a deal. I’ll just… make a pallet on the floor. It’s really no trouble.”

“Rey, you shouldn’t have to-”

“It’ll be just like old times! I used to do this all the time when I was a kid. Honestly, I’ll be okay.” Ben goes rigid at her words. Rey thinks he might be the only other person in the world who resents how she grew up as much as she does. This is also something Rey is unwilling to admit to herself as to why.

She feels him take a deep breath, chest rising and falling beneath her hands.

“You don’t have to sleep on the floor. We can just… share,” Ben says, making Rey smile. 

“Really? You don’t mind?” She implores. He shrugs, remaining indifferent.

“You don’t snore… too badly.” Rey playfully swats his chest and Ben just laughs down at her.

Rey is relived by this. It makes her think this will be fine. That it’ll be no big deal. That sharing a bed with her unearthly beautiful and kind best friend who is built like a brick shit-house and cares about her probably more than she cares about herself will be absolutely, totally, completely fine. 

She hopes.

[thelordstears]

If writing were breath, I imagine my lungs would implode

“ If you surround yourself in love you're bound to go great places, and though my life has been one of rich soils and silver platters I have found that a life of rich hatred is no life at all. Real royalty is found in the heart not the crown nor jewels.” - Katerine Von Roy

“ We're sparkling stars in a vast eternity of pitch black shadow shining even though the world wants our lights to go dim and our candles to be snuffed by dark waters.” - Katerine Von Roy

"The ashes of ones soul is often created in the fire of another's hatred, the fire of another more often than not will burn another to ash if not contained. I have found you have to control the fire raging inside of you, or everyone around you will suffer the consequences of you striking a match to feel the flame.” - Asbury Hobkins

“ I don't understand why we have to pick up our guns and fight, but our lives are on the line, and when peace isn't an option, bask in chaos to make peace the only damn option available.” - Asbury Hobkins

 "If dreams are the very foundation on which we stand then tell me why it is nightmares rule over this land. Light can not prevail without darkness, shadows can't exist without the sun, dreams can't soar without nightmare so tell me why you ignore the foundation of dreams?” - Algonul

“ I will destroy faith and hope with my existence alone.” - Algonul

“ I have dipped my fingers in a river of blood, and just because the man I drowned hurt me so, it gave me no reason to bury him with my pain. But I didn't bury my pain, it only rose from it's coffin and burst from my chest.” - Valarie Forbes

“ If you fear for your life, it's often you'll take another to regain your sense of safety.” - Valarie Forbes

“ I am a beast shackled by nuthin' more than my fucking rage. It beats inside my chest day after day, month after month, year after year, it is an ugly beast, but when did I ever say I was anything but a god damn monstrosity?” - Bernard

“ You wanna be a hero? Kill yourself and spare yourself of the pain I'll inflict ya. The only thing you can change, is how you fucking die." - Bernard

“ I'm in no ways a good man nor am I rich in heart all the money in the world couldn't save me from the sins at my back.” - Sam Dellwotfire

“ "Of all the bullet wounds I've inflicted the ones I shot into my heart are the most painful. I have learned peace is simply an intermission, it's between chaos and sorrow, and I imagine this pocket of peace will never last.” - Novella Delemonte 

“ "Bravery ain't not bein' scared, bravery is bein' frightened down ta your very core, feelin' that fear in your bones, and doin' the right damn thing despite the cold shiver of fear runnin' up your spine. I have found that despite the fear in my old heart, I'm runnin' inta the battlefield regardless.” - Walter Hemmington

“ Life is a battlefield, it's a good thing I'm a damn soldier.” - Walter Hemmington

"The weight of a thousand moons weight down on my heart, but I've found a single sun, can make that weight as light as a feather. Emma is my only guiding light, the singular star in the night sky, the sun on a cloudy day, and somehow I've found warmth when all I ever was, was cold.” - Jen Dallinvritz

“ The world tries to keep me down, but I just fly higher, the sun may be in view, but a flame can't burn fire.” - Jen Dallinvritz

“ The pain I feel is nothing compared to the peace I've found.” - Jen Dallinvritz

“ I've been basked in horrors, covered in shadows and told ta be a monster because it's what orcs do. But just because it's what we were made ta be, don't mean we can't re-write our definition.” - Ashgarn

“ You can call me a monster for my heritage, but if you look a lil deeper you'll find that I'm not like other orcs. I'm just an orc in a human's world.” - Ashgarn

“ I have claws meant only for beasts, but you need not be covered in fur and own claws to be a beast. Most of the beasts I've slain are mortals draped in the fur of a wolf. I will gladly graze on the grass of their hunting grounds to be the wolf in sheep's clothing that puts them down once and for all.” - Vivian Swain

“ I shalt redeem us in our final hour, bathe in the darkness only to drown the monsters around me. I'm the last thing you'll see, in the blink of an eye your life will flash before your eyes, and it's final moments will flash before mine as you've seen so many times with the innocent blood you've spilt.” - Vivian Swain

“ To get acceptance I've found you have to go through the struggle of accepting who you are. There'll be nights you can't find any shred of light, nights you scream into your pillow and bat your fists against the wall in frustration. But it's worth it in the end, it is. If you can call yourself beautifully you, than you've succeeded in life.” - Martha Vendowister

“ If you're different, welcome to the club, here we accept everyone no matter what gender they are, no matter who they love or the battle they fight. You can fight depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and if you've won that battle, you're strong as fuck, don't let anyone tell you ya aren't. Because you wake up tired just to fight the same demons that left you tired the night before, and that, is true bravery.” - Martha Vendowister

“ I find that life is worth it despite the scars in my heart, just because my heart aches doesn't mean it's not whole. Just because my mind is scarred, doesn't mean it can't bring me tranquility.” - Octavia Blackroad

"I'm curling back from the recoil of damage done and shots fired into the anomaly of my own heart. It's as vast as the oceans, and I drown in it's depths more often that not. I'm a mystery to even myself, I can't figure out the emotions in my own heart, and I fear I'll be gone and forgotten before the sun rises on the horizon.” - Stefania Saines

“ "You could live your whole life in a cage without once realizing it, or you could find the door was open all along if you just believed in yourself. The only cage you're in is one of doubt, if you doubt everything you can be, there's no key to the cell you've locked yourself in except for belief.” - Avirine Winning

“ You can't make a perception of me reality when it's just a deluded fantasy of your mind.” - Avirine Winning

“ How is it that I've dipped my fingers in the ashes of my family tree and all I find is old rotted bark and a hollow trunk? I find the flame of corruption and sin tore the dying tree asunder, rotted the families history in the most sinful of deeds.” - Merida Calico 

“ I've been in the trenches my whole life, but never was I the one hiding, always was I the one pulling the damn trigger.” - Merida Calico 

“ I've slaughtered innocent men and women, my lips taste of death and a desire to be loved.” - Merida Calico

“ I've been fightin' all my life, ain't no peace ever found in world war me, but I've found as long as I hold my head high, and soldier on, I'll breakout of the heart of darkness and find the light I seek.” - Alec Crabill

“ I've been through every fight imaginable, fought drug lord's in Bangladesh, rescued women and children from odds you don't wanna face unless you got a damn death wish. But here I am, beckoned by death yet bathed in life.” - Alec Crabill

“ I've been faced with many battles, the loss of my mother, ones fought with words and gunshot lullabies and serenades of violence and bloodshed. But here I am, singing a melody of love despite the hatred drowning out everything else.” - Jade Falls

“ I look into his eyes, I see pain, I see love and I see the world. He's everything I've ever wished to have, and here he is, loving me deeper than the ocean.��� - Jade Falls

“ I once believed my parents house was a cell with no key, and yet my sister Emily, and her wonderful wife Lacey didn't need no key. They blasted a hole through the walls and broke me the fuck out.” - Alice Everest

“ The world ain't gone cold, we've just forgotten how to start a damn flame and ignite a spark. So live damn it, live." - Alice Everest

“ "I have been so consumed by shadow I imagine I've grown an appetite for it. I have found in the coldest of nights, I dance upon star dust and twirl through the ashes of planets I once called home.” - Night Sparrows

“ All I have are bad thoughts soaked in bad intentions. I often wonder how it is I ever survived when my mind wishes me to die. I fight, I scratch, I tear. And yet still I find only shadows.” - Night Sparrows

“ I dance in the blood of myself and bleed dry the girl I was.” - Violincia Bloodwort

"Here I am, choking on the numbness I feel, singing gunshot lullabies and serenades of nothingness. I in of myself, am a vacancy of everything my mother thought I'd be.” - Varkos Shevelwix 

“ I'm not quite righteous, not quite cruel I'm the grey area in-between. Somedays I'm colder than ice, others I wish naught to harm even a fly. I'm a duality of good and evil and I ponder on which shall win the war I wage with myself." - Varkos Shevelwix

“ Here I stand, in the ruins of Atlantis, swimming through the tide of lost life and spilt blood.” - Lawrence Gallagher 

“ That man ain't human, far as I'm concerned if you don't got no humanity you're a beast, and here, we put down beasts who god damn bite.” - Lawrence Gallagher 

"Ya know, I've learned the world don't much got sympathy for the living, and the living don't much got sympathy for the dead. We disrespect those that have passed, and destroy their legacy with rifles loaded with cruel remarks.” - Benedict Collins

“ It takes a lot 'a bravery ta accept yourself, let alone trust another ta accept you.” - Benedict Collins

"I ain't no saint, I've fought everything I ain't and I imagine somewhere along this broken path I found who I am. I've tasted one too many lips against mine, let too many cigarettes burn my lungs ta ash, but who said ya oughta be a saint to make it in the world huh?” - Becky Winters

“ Life is a constant struggle, but you don't succumb to it's damn riptide.” - Becky Winters

"All my life I imagine I've been told to be who I'm not, I find it impossible to find yourself if all your life all you've ever been was a spectacle of someone else.” - Sarkelus Johnnson

“ Karma is bound to catch up with me eventually, a man such as myself can't outrun her, only delay the inevitable.” - Sarkelus Johnnson

“ Oh how I wish I was strong. I could lift a blade, but I could not bring it down.” - Ashel

“ I don't believe in blood spilt for a good purpose. If it was so holy then it wouldn't be a damning offense.” - Ashel

“ We all lose ourselves at some point, but if you lose who you were, journey to find who you oughta be.” - Dory Villsworth

“ Life ain't darkness and darkness ain't life. It's just part of it. So get your shit together and move the fuck on with life. Don't let your past be an anchor, and don't be a ship at the bottom of the ocean.” - Dory Villsworth

"Most would rather drown in a blood soaked lie than choke on the truth.” - Simon Rossburg

“ I'm the monster this world needs, Mike Wazowski in a world full 'a Randalls.” - Simon Rossburg

“ Ya oughta sin ta win sometimes, that's just the cold bitter truth, and if ya can't swallow it, you're gonna damn well choke on it and die in the process 'a accepting it.” - Simon Rossburg

“ I ain't a part of my scars, they're a part of me. Sure, they hurt like Hell, but let 'em hurt, what's important is I let 'em fuckin' heal." - Carl Schillerstrom

“ This world would like to kick us down on the constant, but screw that, I'm not going down without a damn fight. I've been fighting all my life, what's another punch thrown huh? What's another damn bruise? I got plenty, yours won't hurt as bad as other's.” - Malilah Vivenwoker

"I'll weave this pain of mine into gold and these scars into strength.” - Kerrissa Vivenwoker

“ I've learned the world don't care about you, unless you care about yourself. Because you'll get nowhere if you feel sorry for yourself, you have to rise up and be your own armor sometimes. Sure, it may be rusted, but who said rusted armor can't stop a sword?” - Kerrissa Vivenwoker 

"Life has made me a gentle soul, though it was rough with me, I remain the softest spoken love in the air.” - Madison Rose

“ Love is a wonderful thing, it can make someone who's fallen to pieces whole. Someone who's fallen climb, and someone who feels nothings worth worth a million gold coins.” - Madison Rose

"I carry on despite the daggers in my back, you may bleed, but don't let your scars steal every drop of blood you have.” - Sabrina

“ Life will prosper as long as you let yourself grow. You're a flower, not a weed. Remember that. You aren't poisoning your own petals, you're watching them fall, and not picking them back up. So bloom, and remember, even the smallest seed, can become the most beautiful flower." - Sabrina

“ Oh mother dear I know you yearn to see me use this power of mine for good, oh sister dear how you wish I'd protect you from the heat of this world's hate, but all three of us burned. And dying changes a woman.” - Autumn Wolfmoon

“ I see their father in everything they do, their smile, their spunk attitude, sometimes I feel I'm haunted by Dominic's memory, but then I remember even ghosts can be friendly.” - Martha Honeycomb 

“ Oh how Delilah makes my heart soar. My beautiful Amish girl. She lives life so simply, she cherishes every little moment, and I cherish every little moment I have with her. She's showed me just how amazing life can be.” - Laura Hollinger

“ My life's been dark, it's been crummy, but ya know what? I rose in spite of that. I won't let my scars define me, I'll define my damn scars.” - Laura Hollinger

“ Life has been a rather interestin' ride, once I believed I had ta choose between my old lifestyle, and dis new one dat had found me. But I found dat I have ta combine da both of them, because they're both a part of me, and I imagine neither side will leave my heart. If you are faced with choosin' who you were, and who ya are, I advise you combine the two, and become the beauty you are ta be." - Delilah Miller

"Black rain pitter patters against my heart and soul, I imagine it drowned the noble man I was, and out rose the wicked and corrupt creature of the storm inside my bones.” - Theodora Crimsonburn

“ I imagine my daughters can't look up to me. Despite how I protect them so, I forgot to protect my heart, and I imagine that's why I lost it.” - Theodora Crimsonburn

“ "If it is only human to sin, tell me why it is I am labeled monster. In all of my monstrosity I find I am only human, and oh, isn't that the most terrifying thing of all? My lack of humanity, yet despite all that, being human?” - Quentin Satchel 

“ Redemption was never an option, because I was born on the edge of Hell, but stepped on other's backs to reach Heaven.” - Quentin Satchel

“ Every life taken to me is just.. another Tuesday. It's a chore, one I fulfill only to get back to my task at hand.” - Quentin Satchel 

"My memory is a peculiar place, forgotten are the scars of my past, but wonderous are the joys in this life of mine.” - Joe Paquil

“ I have found this world will kick you around some before it gives you peace of mind, but don't let the kicking kill ya. As a bull rider wouldn't let the tussle kill him, you won't let the fight for the reward kill you.” - Joe Paquil 

“ Cold waters can only freeze you if you jump in. And if you're pushed, you fight to get out.” - Joe Paquil

“ Life can be a struggle, God... how I know how difficult it can be. But in the end, you'll realize struggle is a part of life, and it's only a small part of it. You may get kicked down on the constant, but one day you'll rise, and you're gonna do it with a frikkin' smile! Okay?” - Sandra Crumbs

“ "Oh I imagine the echoes of gunfire and sin ring in my ears, and all I ever was is consumed by a sinful melody, it's chorus one of broken bones, and it's bridge one of spilt blood.” - Nestor Bevelricks 

“ Ya know, I asked God where the hell he went, and the only answer I got was a cool breeze in the midnight air.” - Nestor Bevelricks 

"I've found the difference between a loving God and a cruel one is your perception of cruelty." - Nestor Bevelricks

“ She is da beauty ta my beast. Da rose ta my thorn. And da plant in me garden 'a weeds. All it takes is one flower ta make a garden bootiful.” - Stephen Vail

“ I 'ave learned doe my anger is strong, I am stronger.” - Stephen Vail

“ Amber is da moother I never 'ad, though I've heard of the woman who gave me life, and from what I can see, Amber is everythin' she'd eva' wish ta raise. Thorne, despite 'er damn struggles wif' 'er mental illness, takes care of those around 'er. And Jesse? Despite 'er fear, she stays fokin' brave as a captain sailin' straight inta da eye of da hurricane.” - Stephen Vail

“ I wasn't born with this killer body. I had to fight for it. I had to pay for it. It was fucking expensive. But you know what? I'd give away all the money in the world to be myself.” - Emanuel Trueblood

“ Only the dead 'ave seen the end of war I imagine, they got peace, we have ta carry war on our shoulders every damn day. The weight of it is impossible ta lift, and yet ya do it anyways.” - Deandra Phoenix

“ Ain't who I were. Not no more. Just a coffin, I imagine. Lower me down, bury me underneath America's soil and remember I once stained it crimson, but blood seeps through the dirt and is often forgotten.” - Deandra Phoenix

“ The hauntings of war echo on the cool night air. The fire reminds me of the sparks of my revolver, the night sky reminds me of the starless nights spent on the battlefield, and the dirt reminds me of the bodies buried. Everything is a reminder of war. Once you've fought it, you can't ever stop fighting it.” - Deandra Phoenix 

"Life don't gotta be perfect, just lived to it's fullest extent. And besides, if you live your life to it's fullest, isn't that perfect despite the struggles?” - Brandon Killovitch

“ She saved my life.. and I imagine I saved hers. She used to be a train-wreck, but, so did I. But together, we fought each other's battles, she still has that wild side, but it makes her her, and I accept everything she is, because she's beautiful and I'm in love with everything she was, everything she is, and everything she'll become.” - Brandon Killovitch

"I'm nothing short of sinful, just a bonfire with kerosene swallowing everything around her whole, burning down the fields of her innocence in one fell swoop.” - Kareath Calico