#there’s so many things on my mind and the majority of it is health related

[purity-town]

Ask responses below the cut! Lots of thoughts on Terraria lore and Purity Town worldbuilding -- mostly focusing on the Crimson, the war, and Guides.

Reasons why I chose Corruption over Crimson, off the top of my head:

Artistic reasons: Chris was always going to lean towards magenta & dark blue weapons/armor where possible as a nod to the nebula pillar coloration, and I felt that it was easier to work with those colors against a purple/gray/brown background than a red one. Similarly, the purple of demonite matches the Corruption colors, making it easy to tie a visual connection between demonite and the shadow orbs' evil energy.

Personal reasons: My first world was a Corruption one, and I tend to favor Corruption in general as I like the music more.

Practical reasons: It's much, much easier to draw worms and the various other Corruption enemies than it is to draw the Crimson enemies, as the Crimson enemies are far more complicated in appearance and poses. Plus all the blood and brains puts me in an awkward spot as I don't want to run into issues with any of the websites I post the comic to.

Lore reasons: While the Brain of Cthulhu does very nicely match up with Moon Lord's actual design, it doesn't have a Mech boss associated with it, and I didn't want the Destroyer to feel like it came out of nowhere; I felt it was easier to justify the EoW being related to evil/Moon Lord in some way than the Destroyer existing in a Crimson world. The Corruption's shadow orbs also naturally tie into the idea of the "ancient spirits of light and dark" being released from the underworld, as the Crimson doesn't really convey the "dark" side of things that well. Also, the Crimson is generally associated with health while the Corruption is associated with mana, and since Chris is a mage I wanted to lean into the magic side of things.

As for my ideas with the Crimson:

Theme-wise, the blood and gore is easy to relate back to the same consuming, flesh-melding energy of blood moons. (While blood moons already have a link to Corruption/Crimson in the form of corrupt/vicious animals, the Crimson just makes more sense.) The massive skeletons in the background bring up similarities with bone serpents and wyverns/phantasm dragon, and the eyeballs with the EoC/WoF/True EoC.

Where the Corruption is more of the culmination of sin and dark thoughts and eldritch energies that twist whatever they come into contact with, the Crimson is a growing, living being that spiraled into wild mutation from eldritch energy. The Corruption naturally grows over time through additional sins giving it the power to spread, while the Crimson grows by actively consuming more and more living material; contamination vs. infection; acidic vs. corrosive.

The Crimson is a hive mind, of the sort where each new mind adds its knowledge and input to the collective, and likewise has its will overridden by the majority. At the core of it all is the Brain of Cthulhu -- intelligent, but not something that can be reasoned with or spoken to; the sort of being whose mind is so fundamentally different from a human's that anyone who comes into contact would be left mentally shattered. Much the same way one who stares into the darkness seeking to study the eldritch and bizarre could be left broken.

Where the Corruption chasms are worm tracks, I've always interpreted the Crimson chasms as a heart and the arteries spreading out from it. Or maybe the tendrils of a spreading infection? Not really sure!

Side note, the general theme (flesh/blood) and many of the monsters (face monster, crimera, blood feeder, etc.) also tie very well into the Wall of Flesh and its hunger. The justification for the WoF being so...flesh in the comic is that Andrew is a human*, and so the WoF's form is influenced by what his soul knows (flesh and blood body), mixed with lots and lots of eldritch energy giving it the visual ties to the EoC/Moon Lord in the eyes/mouth. But it's not as natural of a link as "the WoF's form is steeped in overflowing Crimson energy locked away in the center of the earth."

Instead of shattering, I imagine it would just poof into a particularly liquid-looking red smoke. Something to combine it being an immaterial/magical collection of energy with it being bloody and gory. Less of the sharp/shattered/sparkly look of shadow orbs, and something more organic and primal.

As for Crimson hearts...I suppose it's the other side of the coin of shadow orbs. Keeping with the theme of Crimson being vaguely health/damage-related while Corruption is mana-related, where shadow orbs are pustules of evil and eldritch magic, I could imagine Crimson hearts as concentrations of the life energy that's been consumed by/generated within the Crimson. Something that pulses with the hearts and minds of the countless creatures that have been incorporated into the Crimson before. Hence the panic necklace; something that fills you with adrenaline and the vitality to push forward and run for your life when hurting (compared to the band of starpower boosting your ability to channel magic).

BAD. Really, really, really bad.

The most obvious reason was all of the general destruction that the world had suffered at that point. Land masses ripped apart or twisted/distorted. Civilization shredded, infrastructure destroyed. What wasn't outright blasted to bits was warped beyond recognition or so corrupted there was no hope of salvaging what had been there before. Loss of homes means exposure to the elements, and loss of farmland means starvation; many societies crumbled or were staggered by the loss of vital industries and resources.

The main surviving communities were small subsets of what were once larger cultures. They were the ones lucky enough to have enough resources nearby to be self-sustaining -- cities had it the worst, requiring resources to be brought in from elsewhere, while more remote communities tended to be affected the least. Andrew, for instance, grew up in a very small community out on the plains, and while they did have contact with other communities, trade was limited to only specialty goods. Everything else came from the local area.

On top of the physical loss of land and infrastructure, there was also the loss of knowledge. The people who stood up to fight were the most powerful mages and strongest warriors, trying to hold back the destruction and stop the eldritch power contaminating the world; when they died, their knowledge of the world died with them. Similarly, Dryads were far more common back then, with people relying on them to interpret the weather, bless the crops, protect them from harm, and purify any imbalance of good and evil. So even the folks who did survive had to suddenly adjust to having no Dryads to fall back on.

Then, just when they thought the worst of it was over -- that their world had ended and was something new and scary, but stable -- the first Blood Moon rises and everything goes to Hell in a hand-basket once more (albeit only for a night). So now, rather than the night being a time for mages to practice their craft, the inherent chaos of the dark is now dialed up 1000% (even moreso during blood moons). Hence the push for some folks to try and find solace beneath the earth -- building the underground cabins, establishing the Dungeon, and the Lihzahrds locking themselves within a temple away from the sky.

The world was finally given a chance to breathe again once most of the eldritch magic, and in equal measure the divine hallow, was locked away in the core of the world. But by that point the old world was already a distant memory. It's been 500 years since the war, around 450 since most magic was locked away, and what did remain from before the war gave the world a significant boost in recovery. Old magic items and technology can be studied and recreated, and while technological/magical advancement is a bit uneven from region to region depending on their level of development and general population, the Guides have worked hard sharing everything they know between them to rebuild.

Purity Town, and the smaller villages immediately surrounding it (in the desert, snowy mountains, etc.) has such a low population/is so remote that they don't have much in the way of established governance. Various NPCs arguably have varying levels of authority within their specialization: Heather is the go-to for healing, Malik is the local monster hunter, and so on, but it's all very informal. The individual villages probably all have people who handle day-to-day things -- there are various random folks who live in the region to fill out each village outside of the established NPCs -- but it's just something going on in the background to keep the place running.

Guides aren't really meant to be politicians either, but they do often fall into a default leadership role since they're the go-to advice guys!

They're meant to preserve and share knowledge of the world, its languages, and its cultures; a reaction to the vast majority of that knowledge having been lost in the wake of the war 500 years ago. So Guides are out there fielding questions like "how do I make this medicine/when do I harvest this plant/is this edible/etc.," but they also are expected to know enough about situations like weather/celestial events such that they can give advice no matter what crops up. Extend that attitude to a more general "this person knows how to handle Problems, so let's default to whatever they tell us whenever we run into Problems," and you end up with Guides often taking pseudo-leadership or advisory positions.

Andrew is in something of a weird spot, as he took over for a much more established/respected Guide after she retired and threw him into it, and is not particularly good at commanding authority or dealing with people in the way she could, even though he tries to be nice. But he's extremely, extremely knowledgeable, even compared to other Guides due to having been around for long enough to pick up so much knowledge, so at least he can fulfill that aspect of the job easily enough and the townsfolk trust him to do so.

Tangentially related, but the lack of solid governance is specific/unique to Purity Town's remoteness. With a small enough population, folks rely on the cooperation and skills of others much more, and any disputes would be worked out among the townsfolk proper.

The world isn't fully settled, but there are some locations with enough of a population to be considered actual kingdoms (see: Princess NPC) with established government (see: Tax Collector). Chris' hometown, which sees a lot of ship traffic/trade, has a proper government, local guard, etc. along with their own Guide. Purity Town is just particularly out there! But it's still been around for long enough to have seen some trade, built up some skills among the residents, and establish basic infrastructure so that residents can live comfortably. Like comparing a small town in the modern day to a remote village in medieval times, residents still enjoy a relatively high standard of living, despite being a scattered and remote population.

The world hasn't recovered to where it was pre-Moon Lord, but it's certainly not a post-apocalyptic wasteland anymore!

[flitterywings]

really feeling the burden of my physical health tonight

[theladybrownstarot]

Your next glow up˚ʚɞ˚

Pick a card reading ~

❥ Here's my masterlist for more !

❥ Make sure you like/reblog/follow/Comment for more pacs like these !

Pile 1. Pile 2. Pile 3.

Pile 1 .

❥ Hi pile 1 . welcome or swagatum to your reading !

♡ You gonna unlock your infinite potential that you hold inside yourself soon . You will come to know what are you capable of and i see that you are going to be more self aware about yourself. You have been manifesting certain things maybe in family or any relation or something different which is coming soon or has come to you . You are going to show the world the real you and you are going to get many ways and tactics to develop yourself and to accept yourself . success is on you way to you just focus on the present because you got all !

♡ i see majorly people here do not have a good relation in their family or certain things are happening in your family or are about to soon maybe someone is going from your life or similar . I see you taking stand within your family in any context depending on your relation with them ofc .

♡ You are not hurrying in anything but somewhere you are also concerned about that thing so don't worry solution or clarity is coming to you soon okay . You are going to surrender your life and you should and you are being told to sacrifice something to achieve that thing .

♡ You are going to develop a new perspective in life and are going to leave behind toxic or out dated patterns or beliefs that you held for so long. You are going to fasten your pace and be creative . More practicality and knowledge is coming to you .

♡ The time has come and do everything with love - i heard from this reading so take it accordingly .

♡ oh my goodness abundance and love is coming to your way maybe after when something will happen with you and you will held yourself strong , and you are being to do self-love more and do not suffer in silence.

♡ You have got choices or you got ways but you have to choose they way or an option to move further wisely and calmly.

Pile 2 .

❥ Hi pile 2 . welcome or swagatum to your reading !

♡ pile 2 are you literally scared , anxious or fearing about something that you have left the will and trust to look at other side of you problem or things ? hmm. You are not sleeping well enough and taking such a heavy baggage on your mind . waking up in between and letting your mental health go down .

♡ I feel you lost something precious from your life . but what i see is that you are going to focus on yourself and be emotionally dependent not on others but on yourself . You need and are going to leave some painful past , thoughts , behavioural pattern from your life to go ahead .

♡ You won't be isolating yourself and if you are doing so then believe me you are going to get the worst of all so stop spending your time over things which do not hold your value or in themselves anymore .you are going thru smthin major or you have to realise some thing thru this experience .

♡ The good news is also that you are going to be abundant in the way you always wanted to be in so manifest it and mediate pls i request you to do for same because you don't know how beneficial is it . some kind of awakening is soon to happen .

Pile 3 .

❥ Hi pile 3. welcome or swagatum to your reading !

♡ Material abundance and wealth is coming to your way or the hard work that you did is coming to reality now which is going to complete an another chapter of life and starting new ahead . There might be someone who is comin in your life to guide you and help you people really and this gonna benefit you .

♡ haha you have isolated yourself so much so don't do it and really motivate yourself for doing so much i feel you are those kind of people who no matter do how much yet looks incomplete always and i guess this mentality is coming to change woosh haha . You are going to open up yourself more that's what i feel .

♡ You are going to learn work tactics damn lie how to mange work and yourself maybe you overdo or maybe apply orthodox ways of achieving and doing things so that is going away . You have done lot job on yourself people and really the next phase of your life is about achievements only ! for now take rest and don't hurry .

♡ Don't push and just surrender to divine or universe . spiritual union on the way , don't think negative and celebrate . don't fear but love and then face .

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

you know i've been thinking about the consequences of malleus's actions in book 7 and i realized how much he's fucked everyone over including his grandma. bc like other than the fact that he ob'd (which literally has NEGATIVE connotations one of which being is idk ""UNSTABLE"" which isnt necessarily a good look for a crown prince is all im saying) he's literally causing terrorism (??? can you call it that idk how else to call it) which is going to setback his grandma's efforts (and lilia's and baul's, and every supporter of his and his family) in keeping peace in their kingdom and the favor of the humans towards the fae. Like. i feel so bad for grandmother draconia rn i can only imagine the stress and pressure she's under.

Then theres also aside from PHYSCIALLY compromising everyone's healths in sage island (BECAUSE THE MAJORITY ARE HUMANS OR AT LEAST THEY DONT LIVE AS LONG AS THE FAE). He's also fucked everyone mentally twice over!!!! By booting them straight into a world where none of their problems exist. Now that wouldnt sound bad if it weren't for the fact that dreams have to end, and life isnt kind. It rarely ever is, and i can only imagine how distraught i would be if i were to say, hypothetically lost someone a year before and the wound is so fresh and raw and, in my dreams, they never died and everything is okay, then i wake up and realize that it was just that. A dream, they are still gone and i wish i never woke up which would be a LITERAL DEATH SENTENCE. This isnt just an event that takes place in NRC either BUT THE WHOLE ISLAND and that domain is GROWING, GROWING. I can't imagine just how many would be so emotionally ruined after this. Like.....

If Malleus does not suffer the consequences of his actions istg i will be so pissed, at least REMOVE HIM FROM THE PREMISE OR SOMETHING GODDDDDDD this cannot be remedied with a slap on the hand!!!!!

(Note: Sorry for the long rant. I felt the need to get this out of my chest bc i dont mind malleus's archetype actually nor do i actually hate him, bc i enjoy him interacting w other characters a lot (my fave ever vigenette is him giving deuce the equivalent of minecraft diamon for fixing a retrobit gaming toy) BUT GOD DOES HE MAKE MY BLOOD BOIL)

Yeah, I do feel like the scale of Malleus's actions cannot be understated. I know it's kind of a fandom joke that the OB boys are left off with a slap on the wrist + maybe some social ramifications at school, but this is the ONE time in the main story where things are getting super big and the effects could be cripplingly long-lasting.

I don't know if TWST will seriously address the consequences after book 7, but I sure hope they do!! There is a lot of interesting ground to cover (many points which this anon has already brought up) in a follow-up main story arc or the next book.

For example:

Malleus obviously has to regain the trust of his peers and staff. He didn’t really have it before but now has to work twice as hard to make connections since he just took a drastic action that confirmed the rumors some were already spreading about how he’s a monster.

He’s the sole heir to the throne and has just betrayed the trust of the people of Briar Valley. How are they feeling about him now? Do they still trust him to lead them?

How does this impact their relations with other countries (since Malleus himself stresses how he represents Briar Valley)? This is a problem visible on a global scale, and surely this would damage their rep with other nations, particularly the predominantly human ones. It’s setting back what is hundreds of years of trying to fix the broken trust between their races.

Malleus’s UM potentially puts his victims in physical harm; in book 7, Ortho suggests that since everyone is sleeping, their bodies are not getting the food or water they need. As a result, they may physically waste away and then perish. (We have seen that there are sleep blessings that keep people sleeping for hundreds of years without detriment to the blessed though, such as the one cast on Silver—so we cannot be entirely sure if Ortho’s theory is correct or not.)

There is the possibility that Malleus’s dreams may traumatize or retraumatize his victims, particularly those with deep rooted troubles. An example of this is Idia, who had suffered the loss of his brother when he was like… 8 years old??? But then in his dream, Idia is living a happy false reality that Ortho never died. When he finally comes to this realization, he has to relive the trauma of the discovery all over again and breaks down sobbing. We also see in the most recent book 7 update that Vil had to face the evilest aspects of himself and a dark reality; Rook became very emotional upon waking himself. Admittedly, Idia and co. coped with it well enough—this is proof of their character development and the strength of the new friendships they’ve formed. However, all the people on Sage’s Island/Twisted Wonderland may not react so positively or be so accepting of their cruel realities.

Again, just the overall moral dilemma of one person robbing all of Sage’s Island (and soon all of Twisted Wonderland) of their autonomy.

Potential extra work for STYX and whichever countries Malleus’s magic manages to spread to (repairing any physical damage caused by the thorns + mental damage done to those that fell asleep). That’s money, time, and resources that aren’t going toward other everyday endeavors.

How will Malleus himself mentally and emotionally cope with what he has done? Is he going to show remorse and shame? How does he plan on rectifying his actions, if at all?

Will this change how his dorm members + family view him? For example, will Sebek become disillusioned with his liege/realize Malleus is not as perfect as he seems? Will Maleficia blame herself for not being there for Malleus? Will Lilia feel guilty for not teaching Malleus right from wrong? Etc, etc, etc.

I’d honestly love to read all of these! 🤔 It would add a lot to the lore and history of Twisted Wonderland, as well as serve as motivators for Malleus to change, “be better”, and actually earn the respect he’s so used to being handed by default. This would be huge for him, especially seeing as he has not really faced significant backlash or consequences for any other missteps he was responsible for or involved in. (I know I bring this one up a lot, but Endless Halloween Night is one such major example.)

[theomnicode]

Saitama and depression; how OPM explores mental health

(TW: Depression, Suicide)

Many readers have more than likely noticed that Saitama seems like a pretty depressed individual, however it is never directly stated besides the above Saitama introspection where he acknowledges it and promptly puts it out of his mind.

This topic came to my mind after seeing this particular video about 8 oddly specific symptoms of depression by Dr. Scott Eilers that are not often talked about. We're going to talk about them and then some. Take note that I'm not a doctor or mental health specialist, I'm just writing meta so that's my disclaimer. :p

We'll start from the beginning and with the heaviest topic of em all related to depression and see how One Punch Man explores this particular mental health issue and move on from there.

Warning, long post ahead.

The most obvious sign of major depression is well, suicidal thoughts and suicidal ideation that Saitama exhibits as early as chapter 2. He never denies wanting to die by Crablante's hand.

Saitama also heavily relates to the guy who wanted to jump from rooftop while he was eating sushi and bluntly talks to him to pull himself up his bootstraps essentially as he did on his own, interpreting that sounding fake and sweetalking would not get through to the guy. (Salmon, Vol 7 extra)

Other signs pointing towards depression would be low energy, lack of motivation, self-isolation, hobbies that are low-energy consuming but stimulating like gaming, manga, watching tv and such, all of which Saitama exhibits... but another common depression symptom is Anhedonia.

"A diverse array of deficits in hedonic function, including reduced motivation or ability to experience pleasure, particularly from previously enjoyable activities."

The doctor in the video describes Achievement anesthesia by the inability to feel positive emotions from achievements. Despite Saitama saving plenty people, he only feels a lack of accomplishment and probably frustration from feelings of uselessness. He used to take joy and satisfaction from helping people out in the past (Brushing up, vol2 extra), but the same and even vastly stronger merits now only serve to highlight how little he feels about them now.

A great contrast.

What was once a great victory, is now just yet another tuesday for Saitama. (One of my fave panels)

Even worse, he does not get brownie points for being a good, upstanding citizen. He gets no money and rarely appreciation for the good he does and that just accumulates his depression when his neighborhood emptied. And with his power, he also gets to clean up the mess because he has the power and it's the right thing to do, be it from picking up litter to saving little kids from getting kidnapped (What can't Be Bought, Vol 5 Extra). But such also breeds jealousy when everyone else reap the rewards, reap the fame and the fans and the good reputation.

The stress of trying to be a good person with moral integrity in a bad world is a heavy load, which can lead to depression, lack of motivation and things like compassion fatigue. The more he tries to find something worthy of doing, the more he invests in it, the more he keeps getting disappointed by the lackluster feeling and reception he gets.

Saitama beats himself up for moral failures, which is a contributing factor for his depression, such as when he was in the tournament and monsters were running amok, despite not having no prior knowledge of monsters around the area. The complete lack of explicit improvement on things he wants to do however, is the most sore point. He didn't learn a thing in the tournament and just felt like he was wasting time, conditioning him to think that self-improvement is just a waste of time on itself because he won't learn anything anyway.

Being good at something naturally makes one feel better about themselves and Saitama's low self-esteem and for instance, lack of skill in gaming, creates friction and Angry perfectionism. One especially doesn't want their few fun hobbies to feel like hollow endeavours. Being competitive, one would want to git gud and accomplish growth and getting constantly trashed by one finger keeps driving it home that Saitama is not actually good at this thing either, something that he wants to enjoy doing. Saitama also constantly projects his bad mood and this insecurity by trying to trash talk King, without much success. King is such a good friend though that fortunately the does not seem to mind Saitama getting pissed at being a sore loser. True pro gamer bro.

Lets pray Saitama never finds that mmorpg's have hardcore raids, he would never be able to leave the house again. 😂

-*-

Which brings us to the last point in the video, Addiction to emotion-creating activities.

If Saitama was any less strong willed and less restrained and if he actually had money to spare, he would 100% develop a gambling addiction. Keep this man far, far away from social media too.

However, as soon as something...or someone...breaks through that fugue and creates actual emotion, one can develop an addiction to the thing because our brains want/need that dopamine fix.

Genos just so happened to barge into his very lonely life life and became that someone to create that emotional connection with and Genos provides too when he's taken over cleaning and majority of the cooking and even finances, something that people with depression struggle to accomplish. When Saitama cooks, it's usually not very difficult dish to prepare either, chop ingredients and toss them into the pan. Saitama also loves food and needs money to feel like he's financially secure, being unemployed, and has little social contacts, so it's like triple-dipping in the dopamine sauce. Nomnom, feelsgoodman.

It's all well and good until shit gets real and your main source of feel-good emotional connection just dies. Oh and it's your fault too cuz you played around. Good job Saitama. That's a deadly amount of guilt and a PTSD as a cherry on top.

Genos' continued existence is essentially applying bandaid to a bleeding head wound that's Saitama's mental health issues.

Ultimately, I do wonder if ripping off the bandaid is why Saitama wants to get back his private space away from Genos, because he subconsciously understands it's not very healthy to be so emotionally dependant and Genos is just as obsessed about him. The allure of social contact and benefits are great, but so too are the detrimental effects, among them complete lack of privacy which is a nightmare for a private introvert like Saitama.

(Yes yes, it's still pretty dang funny, but it's still invasion of privacy)

-*-

Last example of Saitama's depression I want to touch, thanks to @gofancyninjaworld for the input, is Saitama's forgetfulness, a memory disruption if you will.

"Depressed individuals typically show poor memory for positive events, potentiated memory for negative events, and impaired recollection."

It is a running joke that Saitama has difficulty recalling names, which may be entirely normal because he does not really care to remember names for people he's improbable to meet later and emotional connection and repetition helps us memorize things better (such as Genos having to repeat his name upon introduction), however Saitama has also showcased potentially impaired recollection for events that happened just moments prior.

(Again, a great contrast. Show, don't tell, where one shows obvious signs of depression and another...not so obvious, in the same panel, in a humorous way to boot. Masterful way of tackling heavy topics, in my humble opinion.)

Genos worries for his memory in the Majin drama cd 1 and often tries to accomodate for his lapses of memory too, be it long ultimate attack name phrase, marking special sales or whatnot. Saitama forgetting to take out trash and forgetting names is normal, but it may be exacerbated by his depression.

The more telling part is probably the fact that even when his memory is jogged, he still does not remember Flash's name. It's like he never registered the name in the first place, maybe he did not bother because he thought it wasn't important but it does not appear he's trolling here and legitimately does not remember. Though he does remember the nickname he gave for Flash instead, which is funny. He made it up on the spot and it's hilarious, so it stuck.

The less emotional connection one has to things, the less likely we are to remember those things, such as the monsters Saitama kills are blurred together because he feels no self-satisfaction from killing said monsters and protecting people.

In the sense that memory block can also be a trauma response, ONE makes Saitama's complete lack of recall of the ominous future a running joke in classic ONE fashion. It's either that or time shenanigans. Or both, both is good.

Last but not least, Saitama also shows that he recalls little to no appreciation from helping people, despite the rare occasion where he receives gratitude from directly intervening and he definitely remembers the more negative events better, such as when he complained about going unnoticed and not having fans. (Hobby and work, cpt 15). He can recite the story to Genos when asked but there does not seem to be instance where he mentions such without prompted.

All is not lost in the memory department however, since Saitama shows a potential memory recall improvement in the recent retconnect chapter Tenninto where he recognises the martial art dudes from the tournament he was in. It might be nothing, as it was retconned too but ONE is definitely keeping it in mind.

It is quite fitting thought that the video talks about how "normal people look like superheroes" because they have the energy and motivation to do daily tasks and OPM is a superhero manga about a person who's the strongest hero but he barely considers himself a hero. ONE has also said in an interview that just living a "normal life" is hard and OPM definitely reflects that sentiment.

-*-

Saitama is slowly getting there though. He seems happier, more confident, more outgoing and a larger array of emotional displays, to the point that some people in the fandom have voiced their complaints about the apathetic hero apparently smiling too often. To that I say, character progression is a thing and a good thing at that.

Saitama even has better gait when he used to slouch and drag his feet that bespeaks of his increasing self-confidence. Less self-doubts + more confidence = more gains.

He was also able to calm down despite losing heavily to King in a fighting game and still feeling very irritated after the fact, but offered his blunt advice to lift weights anyway, which would indicate better emotional regulation. His attention span has also seemingly improved, despite the Knight yapping away for an entire panel. (Worlds I know nothing about, cpt 193). Then even when the entire thing of releasing an epic monster was just as boring monster encounter as the rest of them, he seemingly took it as a learning experience of expanding his world-view instead of complaining his utter boredom. He also recalls the tiny tidbit about Flash's utter lack of finding his way in the underground maze and remembers Blast, his name and thanks him for getting them out of the underground hole.

(Mathing is hard though but this may also be a 4th wall breaking meme because we've never seen Saitama defeat sonic 14 times on screen. Are we being gaslit? lmao)

-*-

Closing thoughts, we've not seen the last of Saitama's mental health journey, far from it. Nor have we adressed that legitimate concern of PTSD in the background and I'm sure it will pop up at some point or another...too much of an opportunity for ONE to just ignore in this master thesis of a manga about issues he feels are important.

Anyways, thank you all for reading this far, it's been a while. :D

[therealieblog]

A big part of Intuitive Eating involves the de-stigmatizing of food. How do we de-stigmatize food? By not assigning it moral qualities, and by not using derogatory, negative language when we talk about food.

Examples of moralizing, derogatory and negative language we, under diet culture, still use regularly when talking about food:

"Sinful"

"Fattening"

"Unhealthy"

"Deadly"

"Bad for you"

"Clean"

"Pure"

"Healthy"

"Good" "

Junk/Junk food"

"Crap/Crappy"

Words to use instead of: Instead of "Sinful", or "Fattening", use "Decadent", "Rich" or "Delicious". Avocados and dark chocolate and many organic, "healthy" foods will make you fatter if you eat them often enough. Is this really about health? Or is it about fatphobia?

Instead of "Unhealthy", you can just say what it is about the food that impairs your health. "It hurts my stomach," "It makes my skin greasy/makes me break out", "I'm allergic to it" "I feel nauseous when I eat that." That at least is honest. Saying any food that isn't on some diet culture list of approved foods is "unhealthy" is just not scientifically accurate or backed by anything other than fear mongering.

Yes, eating foods high in fat and salt and sugar in large enough quantities, for long enough periods of time can negatively affect your health, but the vast majority of studies done on exactly how it affects your health, do not control for participants' smoking, drinking, drug use, genetic predispositions (genetics makes up a significant portion of health by the way), sedentary lifestyle, exposure to chemicals in the environment, mental health status, or literally anything outside of what they eat, so... yeah... f@ck that.

Ditto with "Bad for you." It's just so formless and un-researched and based in fatphobia. What does that even mean? In what amount is it "bad for you?" would it be equally bad for anyone to eat "unhealthy" foods at any time? Is there a magic threshold past which one's donut consumption goes from infrequent to "bad for you" levels? Or, are human beings a wildly diverse group of people, who all have very different bodies, metabolisms, genetics, tolerances, tastes and needs.

"Clean" is just as bad as "Bad For You", only worse, because it's so moralistic. If food is made out of animals, plants and grains, and is considered edible by human beings, it's fucking clean. Now if you're talking about gross things falling into the food by accident during the process of making it, or if you're talking about pesticides being used on your fruit and vegetables, then I get wanting to make sure the food is "clean". But if you're putting food on some sort of angelic pedestal for being free from sugar, or saturated fats, or carbohydrates, then you are still stuck in diet culture.

Instead of "Junk food", which implies that the food itself is garbage, which is honestly just a horrifying way to think about and talk about food, you could say "play food", "fun food", "snack food". These foods: chips, chocolate, cookies etc. aren't meant to fulfill your nutritional needs. We eat them for enjoyment, or to pick us up when we're blue, to calm us when we're stressed, or just because it tastes good and we like eating it. I think gentle nutrition is important, and paying attention to how food makes you feel is obviously important, but the way we perceive food and talk about food, reinforces what we think of ourselves when we eat it. If we are eating "bad" and "unhealthy" foods, then we are bad and unhealthy people, and that is a mind-fuck, believe me.

I've performed a 25 year longitudinal dieting study on myself. I know what it feels like to absolutely hate myself for what my body tells me it wants to eat. Not fun. So please have a care with the way you speak about food, and the way you look at yourself in relation to food. Food is sustenance and life. It is meant to be enjoyed, not feared. Lets not talk about food as if the thing meant to connect us to life also makes us inherently morally deviant.

[come-away-with-me87]

The Art of Love Chapter 1

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Summary: You've been an art therapy teacher at an elementary school in Musutafu, Japan for the past eight years. One day, you are introduced to a new student named Eri, who comes with a lot of past trauma. While you help Eri move past her trauma through art therapy, you end up getting to know her caretaker, Shouta Aizawa, who ends up slowly opening up your heart back up after your own past trauma. Could Shouta be the person to fully open your heart back up, and possibly even fall in love?

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Pairings: Shouta Aizawa | Eraserhead x Fem!Reader

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Warnings: There will be fluff, there will be angst, there will be smut. Any chapters containing smut will have a NSFW disclaimer at the beginning of the chapter. And please bear with me if anything I say about art therapy is incorrect throughout the story; I promise it's only due to my own lack of knowledge on the subject. I have nothing but the utmost respect for the profession and the folks who work in it <3 Oh, and yes, before anyone asks, Kento is most certainly based on the other LOML, Kento Nanami from JJK. I have no shame.

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(Concise) Definition of Art Therapy:

Art Therapy is an integrative mental health and human services profession that enriches the lives of individuals, families, and communities through active art-making, creative process, applied psychological theory, and human experience within a psychotherapeutic relationship.

Art Therapy, facilitated by a professional art therapist, effectively supports personal and relational treatment goals as well as community concerns. Art Therapy is used to improve cognitive and sensory-motor functions, foster self-esteem and self-awareness, cultivate emotional resilience, promote insight, enhance social skills, reduce and resolve conflicts and distress, and advance societal and ecological change.

- The American Art Therapy Association

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You have been an art therapy teacher for elementary-age students for the past eight years, and you loved every moment of it. You genuinely loved enriching the lives of young minds through art therapy; it was your truest passion in life. Since you were born Quirkless, you always wanted to do something good with your life since you couldn't be a pro-hero. At a young age, you learned that you loved drawing and painting, and you were very good at it.

You continued to love art as you got older, and when you graduated high school, you went to college where you got your Masters degree in Education, with your major being in Fine Arts. It took you over a year to find a job, which was a grueling time for you. Art therapy teacher gigs were pretty difficult to come by. You had to move back in with your parents, where you worked dead-end jobs just so you could begin paying your student loans back.

A little over a year later, you saw a job posting for an art therapy teacher at Musutafu Elementary School, an opportunity you jumped at. You always wanted to work with children, specifically, and thought this could be it. You went through many rounds of interviews to make sure you were the right fit, and eventually, you got the job. And that is where you have been for the past eight years.

Over the course of those eight years, you went through many changes in your life. You remained at your parents' home for about a year after you graduated so you could save money between the job at the school and your part-time job working as a server at a fine dining establishment. Eventually, you saved up enough money to put a down payment on your dream home right in Musutafu.

It was also around that time that you started dating Kento, who you eventually fell in love with. Kento was tall and was very handsome with his sandy blonde hair and warm brown eyes. Most importantly, though; he was good to you. It was quite easy to fall in love with him. After two years of dating, he got down on one knee and proposed to you, to which you happily said yes. Things were good: you had your dream job, your dream house, and your dream man. You were happy.

A month before your wedding, Kento was walking home from work when he got caught in the middle of a villain attack. He got stabbed by a villain just before the pro-heroes arrived on the scene. He was rushed to the hospital, where they did everything they could to try and save him, but sadly, he lost his life. To say you were heartbroken and devastated would be an understatement; you just lost the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with. At his funeral, you decided right then and there to close your heart off to relationships; no one would ever compare to Kento.

After taking a month-long leave of absence from both the school and the restaurant, you decided that you needed to get back to work. You still mourned for Kento, but you knew him well enough to know that he would want you to get back to work and help your students. You quit your restaurant job, and focused your entire life on teaching and helping your students, where you still remain to this day, several years later.

Today, you were getting a new student. Her file said that her name was Eri; odd, she had no last name. Her file also stated that she has been through extremely traumatic events for the majority of her life. You teared up reading her file. For a seven-year old girl's life to be nothing but traumatic was heartbreaking. You were already looking forward to being of help in the healing process of young Eri.

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To be continued...

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Tag list: @lili-pond ; @jaguarthecat ; @big-denki-energy

[astrosky33]

HOUSE MEANINGS IN ASTROLOGY

[READ] People often question why there’s so many meanings for each planet/house and the reason is so that you can learn more than just one thing about yourself through each placement. Otherwise astrology would be very vague and boring. These are all meanings that I’ve learned from my astrology classes at Kepler College

1ST HOUSE: identity/self, outward personality traits, outlook on life/approach to life, appearance, physical body, beauty, confidence, beginnings, how you initiate/ambition, your mannerisms, your outward behavior, physical fights, your presence, individuality, and passion

2ND HOUSE: money/finances (how we spend it, store it, and manage it), work, short term jobs, your work ethic, material possessions, self worth, values, emotional security, stability, financial security, how you meet financial obligations, your singing voice, giving/receiving, and resources (both material and non material)

3RD HOUSE: communication, your speaking voice/the way you talk, your mind, the way you think/your thinking skills, your perceptions, your opinions, your conscious mind, neighbors, siblings, interests, gossip, ideas/information, mathematics, literature, transportation (only ground not flying/air), local media, social media, cell phones, phone calls, visits, social activity, publishing, early education (before college), short trips, and short journeys

4TH HOUSE: homes/houses, family/family roots, your parents (particularly the mother/motherly figure), your inner child, emotions, foundations, your childhood, heredity, tradition, self-care, places of residence, real estate, properties, femininity, and conditions in early life

5TH HOUSE: children, childlike spirit, talent, creativity, drama, risk-taking, spotlight, romance (shows short term relationships, flings, hookups, and if long term relationships then only puppy love), hobbies, pleasures, objects of affection, vacations, games, speculation, fertility, concerts, festivals, and joy

6TH HOUSE: daily routine/day to day life/daily tasks, your health/fitness/the work you do on your body, your duties, self improvement, consistency, step-siblings, your hygiene, innocence, systems, service to others, co-workers, analytical nature, diets, animals, and your pets

7TH HOUSE: long term relationships, marriage, concern for others, attraction/attractiveness, charm, conflicts, partnerships, business partners, contracts, love affairs, open enemies, close associates, lower courts, negotiations, peers, agents, equality, harmony, and sharing

8TH HOUSE: major transformation, sex, death, longevity, changes, joint/shared finances, investments, stock market, your partners resources, taxes, inheritance, reproduction, seduction, intimacy (in general not only sexual), rebirth, merging, taboos, resurrection, loans, assets, secrets, mystery, businesses, spiritual transformation, magic (especially black magic), psychology, surgery/operations, trauma, periods, and the occult

9TH HOUSE: wisdom, law/laws, beliefs, religion, philosophy, higher education (college/university), viewpoints, languages, foreign environments, in-laws (your relatives through marriage), ethics, long journeys, travel, ideologies, higher courts, media, television, interviews, cross-cultural relations, grandparents, and learning

10TH HOUSE: your legacy, your career, your public image, your status, your reputation, fame, long-term goals, worldly attainment, sense of mission, responsibilities, recognition, authority, father/fatherly figure, experts, bosses, achievements, and professional aspirations

11TH HOUSE: friends, friend groups, gains, money made from career, desires, step/half parents, step/half children, uniqueness, inventions, technology, film, social awareness, influence, manifestations, hopes and wishes for the future, ideals, humanitarianism, associates (not just close ones), groups (in general), politics, social networking, where you make your debut into society, companions, allies, science, socialization/social interaction, clubs, organizations, and parties

12TH HOUSE: healing, the hidden, karma, karmic debts, old age, sleep, mental health, solitude/isolation, dreams (the ones you have when you sleep), hidden enemies, hidden causes, illusions, secret bed pleasures, spirituality, fears, losses, endings, escapism, impersonations, closure, need for withdrawal/privacy, afterlife, limiting beliefs, subsconcious memory, subconscious mind, hypnotism, self-undoing, hidden desires, the past, delay, and restrictions

MASTERLIST

MORE BEGINNER ASTROLOGY

PLANET MEANINGS

© 𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐤𝐲 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

mickey stans who think they and mickey are oppressed didn’t live through the shamey fandom from 2015-2018. They were the huge majority, they hated ian, they boycotted the show and the fandom was super tense because some of them would argue - and harass if we’re being honest - the cast and crew because Noel wasn’t coming back. I’m sure there are people who absolve ian/debbie/fiona of everything because they exist in every fandom but it’s in nowhere near the same numbers and they aren’t as defensive. plus a lot of the ian hate has always been ableist af which absolutely should be called out

!!!!!! ANON YOU UNDERSTAND ME

i wasn’t in the fandom until last year, but from what i’ve heard you’re so right. i think a lot of those fans still exist because i’ve met many mickey fans who hate ian for that period of time and my only claim is that they SHOULDN’T because mickey doesn’t, but of course, everyone is entitled to an opinion. however, mickey stans aren’t a rare, oppressed breed.

heavy on the ableism thing. that’s been my point when talking about this for a whole year but nobody acknowledges that. a lot of the time, the mistakes ian made and the break up’s that happened because of ian were related to his mental health. the 5x12 break up and his behavior in s6 is ALL because he wants to move on from a dark place in his life, and he’s convinced he’s like monica. this is literally stated. he doesn’t treat mickey harshly because he doesn’t love him anymore, he CLEARLY does, but i can never completely blame him because he is literally just trying to survive in his own mind. he said some terrible things, and while he SHOULD be held accountable, if we do that, we must hold mickey accountable for saying shitty things to/about ian as well.

[lordkryze]

No Italian lessons today. But! I’m almost 22 and I always (sometimes) think that my life is over and it’s too late to start over. I was only 16 when graduated from high school and had to choose what discipline I will be studying at the university. Last year I got my first bachelor’s degree and now I will be applying for a bachelor's program again (the reason is I don’t like my major). Yes, at the age of 22 (that’s considered late in my country). I’m exhausted. It’s like everything I’ve learned and experienced means nothing now. My long-term anxiety is no help.

So, this is my story of fighting back against anxiety (keep in mind, if that works for me doesn’t mean it works for you. i’m not a doctor, it’s just a blog)

1. I take medicines (I won’t share the name of it) which were prescribed by my doctor. They help me to relax and keep going.

2. I’ve scrolled and blocked every “how i became the president of the world at the age of 18” related video. To be honest those videos do not inspire me. And also don’t believe everything you see online.

3. I accepted the fact that not everything I do will give me opportunities. I learn Italian because I’m planning on studying abroad? Yes. I also play video games just because I enjoy it? Yes. I need balance. I can’t be productive 24/7. It. Is. Not. Possible.

4. When I worked in Sweden, I started to believe in fate. I know it sounds like shifting responsibility, but it makes it easier for me to accept that not everything in the world depends on me. I’ve done everything I could, now I just wait and hope.

5. I walk. I walk a lot. I’m very fond of walking.

6. I try not to have expectations so as not to be upset when they don't come true. And they almost never come true, because the world in my head is different from the real world.

7. I started taking care of my physical health, I used to be a pro dancer, so it always seemed important to me.

8. The hardest thing for me to accept. Some have more privileges, some less. That’s life. It’s easier to get accepted in an European university having a EU passport, and many other examples. But I have to do it sooner or later. (And of course I understand that I am more privileged than someone else).

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 23

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC New as of 10/06/2023

SUPPORT YOUR CREATORS. REBLOGGING & COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

Series Rating: Explicit (18+)

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives. 

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Quote: You meeting someone?

It had been three months since I left Dieter behind. All things considered, I felt like I had handled it well. Most days I managed to get through my routine without thinking of him, throwing myself into work and small craft projects. The paparazzi appeared to have gotten bored with following me around since there was no story to report on. I wouldn’t interact with them and there had been no sightings of Dieter and I together. The assumption was that we had split, and any drama related to said split had passed. Not having the paps shouting questions and sticking a camera in my face on my daily commute to the office made a huge difference in keeping him off my mind.

Staying away from social media and tabloid sites had also been crucial in being able to get back to some kind of normalcy. It had become vital to keep this distance, because Dieter was all over the news feeds due to his reinvigorated party boy ways. He didn’t seem like the same person anymore and it was too painful to see it over and over. As far as I knew he hadn’t been home during any of his filming breaks, and with the production of his movie wrapping up soon, I was anxious to know if he would finally come back to LA. Part of that anxiety was rooted in my concern about running into him. No matter how many times I had tried to imagine it, I wasn’t sure how I would handle suddenly being face-to-face with him again.   

I would be lying if I said that I was over him. There was no doubt in my mind that I will always love him. How could I not? He had changed me for the better and helped me through a rough time in my life. During the time that we had been together, and he had been doing well, life had been so much more fulfilling. He showed me what it was like to be loved and appreciated. What it meant to be truly happy. Perhaps even more than that, he had given me the confidence to be myself. I could honestly say that I didn’t know any of that until him. I was able to acknowledge that he did all that for me, but at the same time I had also become mostly numb about it all. Maybe it was the anger, maybe it was denial, or maybe I had figured out how to move on without him. Either way, I felt like I was going to be ok, and I had accepted that he wasn’t going to be a part of my life anymore. 

It was late on a Wednesday evening when I got news that he was back. Lauren texted me to let me know he had been spotted at one of the fancy restaurants that all the celebrities tended to hang out at. Unsurprisingly, he had been there with Anna and a handful of other people. I had asked Lauren not to tell me anything she read about him, but I still found myself grateful to get the warning. At least now I was aware that there was a possibility of running into him, so it wouldn’t catch me completely off guard. What I didn’t realize is how soon that would happen.        

The following morning, I was surprised to receive a call from Ethan Carrington. He called to let me know that he was in town and wanted to have dinner to catch up. I thought it was a little odd, but he was one of our top tier clients, so I agreed to meet him that evening. I wasn’t surprised when he proposed meeting at one of the most upscale restaurants in town. We made plans to meet there by 7 PM and he let me know a table had already been reserved under his name.   

To say I was flustered by the time I left the house was an understatement. All my afternoon meetings had run over, causing me to finish up work much later than I had planned. I had to rush to find something to wear, then shower, and get ready. To save some time, rather than trying to tame my hair, I blow dried it and pulled it back into a sleek low bun, then threw on a light layer of makeup. I got dressed in a navy sleeveless scoop neck A-line chiffon dress that had an asymmetrical bottom and was embellished with a sash around the waist. I dug out my matching navy peep toe high heels with ankle straps to wear, then quickly grabbed my purse and walked barefooted to the car. 

With traffic slowing me down as usual, I made it to the restaurant with only minutes to spare. Luckily it had valet parking, so I didn’t have to worry about finding a spot. I did feel slightly embarrassed about making the valet wait while I put my shoes on. He assured me that this wasn’t even close to the strangest thing he dealt with, and we had a good laugh about it as he waited patiently for me to exit the vehicle.   

As I was walking up the few steps to the entrance, carefully watching my feet to avoid tripping in my hurried pace, I was stopped in my tracks by a set of feet that had come to a standstill directly in front of me. When I looked up, my breath caught in my throat. Dieter and Anna stood in front of me, staring back at me and saying nothing. Dieter looked tired, the telltale sign of dark circles under his eyes revealing his sleep problems were probably still very present. His hair was longer than it had been the last time I saw him, and it was styled into soft, messy curls.  He was dressed in charcoal dress pants with a black button up dress shirt. As usual, the top button was open, and the sleeves were rolled up. He also had his glasses on. A little voice in the back of my mind begrudgingly pointed out that he looked just as sexy as always. Still, something was off about him; it was clear in his fidgety body language, and particularly the turbulent look in his eyes.

My eyes widened as I took him in, my body almost reeling just as strongly as my mind did. “Dieter…umm hi,” I stuttered out. I was startled by his sudden appearance and did not know what to say or how to act. His stare shifted into an unsettling smirk, his dilated pupils making his eyes look darker than usual, and by the way he tipped his head back slightly I could tell that he shifted into performance mode, emitting a boisterous energy that became even clearer when he spoke. 

“I’m surprised to see you at a place like this. You meeting someone?”

His tone sounded heavy, maybe even a little hostile. Ah, so that’s how this was going to go. 

“Yes, I am.” I inhaled deeply and straightened my shoulders, unwilling to play whatever game he was trying to set up here. 

“A guy?” He stared directly into my eyes as he spoke, unblinking, and it struck me how empty the expression on his face was. It was almost like he wasn’t in there and someone else was pulling his strings.

“Not that it’s really any of your business, but yes. It’s a guy.” I didn’t break eye contact, hoping that I was able to keep a neutral expression on my face. All of it felt like a test, but I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to show him that I could easily pass it. Maybe the best response was no response at all. 

He pursed his lips and arched his eyebrows before he shook his head, his eyes shifting downcast momentarily before he looked back up at me. Straightening up as he gathered his composure.

“Well, I hope you get to know this one a little better before jumping into bed with him. Assuming he goes for this whole… polished stepford wife look or whatever this is,” he said, his voice having just the slightest slur to it.

I could feel my jaw tighten, my eyes blazing with anger that his words suddenly re-kindled in me. I gave him a tight smile in return. 

“Hmm,” I said, shaking my head slightly from side to side as I rubbed the fingers of my right hand across my bottom lip in disgust. He continued to stare at me expectantly, clearly wanting a response, and I had to look away for a moment before I met his intense gaze again. “I see what you’re doing, you know. Don’t worry, it’s still working.” I paused briefly, “So, fuck you.” 

“Ooh, you already did that, sweetheart. A whole fuckin’ lot.” He gave me a cunning smile, teeth bared for a moment as there was nothing friendly or sweet about it. 

I could feel my face tensing further at his combative remarks. I knitted my brows together and shook my head from side to side again. He was clearly trying to piss me off, and it was working. He knew exactly what to say to push my buttons. I wasn’t even going to attempt to understand why he was being like this, it simply hurt too much. I didn’t want to engage in an argument. I just wanted to protect myself from more pain.  

Anna chuckled as she leaned in to break the intense stare that I was giving Dieter, “Damn, you’re a feisty one, aren’t you.” 

I gave her a tight smile wrapped up in thinly veiled contempt. “I suggest that you don’t fucking speak to me,” I said very quietly, for a moment actually entertaining the thought of punching her in her smug little face.

She backed away slightly and grabbed onto Dieter’s arm, moving so that he was positioned between us. Clearly, my intimidation attempt struck its mark with her. 

My attention was drawn away from them when I heard someone call my name. When I turned, I saw Carrington walking towards me from the entrance of the restaurant. Trying to shift gears, I tried to relax my face and gave him a polite smile as he approached. He looked like he had just stepped off the set of a James Bond film in the expensive tailored suit he was wearing, oozing confidence, and looking just as handsome as I remembered. 

“There you are, I was beginning to think you stood me up,” he said with a joking tone as he leaned in to give me a small kiss on the cheek. “You look nice,” he added as he pulled away with a wide smile on his face, his eyes warm as he gave me a quick once-over. 

“Ethan, thank you! Sorry, I was just catching up with some friends,” I said dryly, glancing back toward Dieter, who was now radiating disdain. His jaw twitched as glared at Carrington, his eyes narrowing and somehow turning even darker as he glanced at Carrington’s hand that now rested on the small of my back. Correcting himself, his eyes quickly moved back up to meet my gaze.

I didn’t flinch as we locked eyes and spoke up, “I guess I’ll see you around. Have a good evening.” 

I gave them both a sarcastic smile. Carrington’s hand stayed on my lower back as he guided me toward the entrance. I may not have wanted to engage in the game that Dieter seemed to play, but part of me enjoyed that it clearly bothered him to see me with another man. A handsome one at that. Even if it was a work meeting, which he didn’t know. 

As we were being led to our table, I had to take a few deep breaths to calm myself. I wasn’t even upset about seeing Dieter, only livid about his attitude and the way he had spoken to me. The waiter seated Carrington and I next to a window toward the front of the restaurant, handing us the menus which we looked at in a comfortable silence. From the corner of my eye, I could see Dieter and Anna were still outside, waiting for their car. She was on her phone, but he had spotted me through the window and just stood there, staring with his hands pushed into his pockets. I tried not to look directly toward him, but that didn’t stop me from peeking over my menu every so often to see if he was still there. Despite all the bravado that had been there earlier, and the confidence with which he had carried himself, he looked like a broken man now. It tugged at my heartstrings as I wished I knew what was going through his mind. I could tell the cocky front he was putting up had diminished to something that resembled hurt or maybe even regret. All the showmanship had left his stance as he seemed to be unaware of what happened around him, Anna even needing to pull him aside when someone tried to walk past them. Luckily, the valet pulled up with their car right after that, so I didn’t have to endure that sight for very long. 

Carrington’s voice tugged me back into the present and out of my thoughts when he spoke up, “I would ask how you’ve been, but I think I may have a general idea of the answer.” 

He gave me a sympathetic look before continuing, “That was him, wasn’t it?” 

I smiled nervously as I glanced down at the table, wondering how much he knew. Probably everything there was to know publicly, be it true or false, “Yes, that was him.” I nodded as I looked back up at him, finding his eyes were as gentle as his voice had been when asking me the question. “I’m sorry my drama made me late and that everyone across the US knows about it, apparently.”   

“Yeah, it was all over the news.” He seemed apologetic about it. “Hard to miss. I wasn’t sure if you needed rescuing or not, so I’m sorry if I interrupted something…”

“Not that I need rescuing…but thank you for that.”  

He laughed, “Yeah, I doubt you do. You're pretty fierce on your own.”  

His eyes stayed focused on my face, briefly dropping down to my lips when I smiled at his comment. I wasn’t sure how to take that, but I felt like he was possibly flirting. We were interrupted by the server coming over to take our order. 

We proceeded with small talk while we waited for our food. He gave me an update on how the company was doing and mentioned the possibility of expanding soon, staying vague on the details. As we chatted, I noticed how attentive he was. Always looking me directly in the eye as I spoke, gesturing subtly to the waiter when he noticed I was low on water. We hadn’t really had a chance to interact outside of a business setting, so it was interesting to see him in a more personal manner and have an easy conversation. I was getting small glimpses of his personality that I hadn’t picked up on before. He was very witty and had a good sense of humor.

Once we started to dig into the main course, he got down to business. 

“Well, I think we’ve run the gambit on small talk. I guess I should get to the reason I wanted to meet with you and stop beating around the bush.” He gave me a nervous smile. I gave him one in return, unsure of where this was going. 

“I talked to Aubrey about this, and she indicated that you may be open to a change, given recent events and she’s supportive of it.” He gave me a small grimace, realizing that may not have been the best opener. 

I smiled and motioned for him to continue. 

“Our Chief Operating Officer will be retiring soon, and we’ll need a replacement. You’re the first person that came to mind for the position. I know, it’s a big change, so I don’t expect an answer now. I do, however, want to let you know that it’ll be a significant raise and we’ll cover the cost of any moving expenses and travel.”   

Whatever I had been expecting from the meeting, this wasn’t it. He had my attention. “How significant?”

“Seven figures, significant.” He gave me a smirk as my eyes widened. 

“COO…I mean, am I even qualified for that?” I laughed in disbelief. 

“Well, you’re already basically telling me how to run my company and saved me a lot of money in the process. I’ve seen you in action. You have a brilliant mind, and your problem-solving skills are unlike anything I’ve ever seen. You’re also really good at handling difficult situations. Why wouldn’t I want that?” 

He wasn’t wrong, he was indeed running his company based on my suggestions. I shook my head in agreement. 

“It would require moving to New York though?” I asked, trying to process the information and what this all would mean for my future. 

“Yes…and no. I would absolutely love for you to join us in New York. In fact, it’s my preference. However, like I said, we’re planning to expand. We’ll be opening another branch in Silicon Valley. I’ll need a COO there as well. Just know that if you choose that location, you’ll be building from the ground up. You’ll be fully involved with all planning. It’ll require you to spend some time in New York while we work out the details, but once everything is set, you would only need to travel occasionally. It also comes with slightly higher pay due to the extra work that’ll be involved.”  

This time I sat with my mouth hanging open in shock, “I don’t even know what to say.”

“I don’t expect an answer right away. We have some time before I need to know.” 

“I mean, it’s not a no. Umm, but I do have a lot to think through.” I reached for my water, taking a deep drink now that my mouth suddenly felt very dry. 

“Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything else,” He took a bite of his food as he studied me, obviously trying to figure out where I stood on the offer. 

He continued to tell me about the many benefits the company offered. He was trying his best to sell it to me. The offer was appealing and something I really needed to consider. We eventually moved on to other non-business related topics. It was nice getting to know him on a more personal level. Time seemed to fly by as we continued to chat, even after our meal was finished. 

We finally decided to call it a night after he insisted on covering the bill. We walked out to collect our vehicles. While we waited, he leaned in to give me a polite goodbye kiss on the cheek, lingering slightly longer than what is socially acceptable. I got a whiff of his musky scent. I couldn’t deny, he smelled amazing. I cleared my throat as he pulled away, trying to correct my train of thought. 

He smiled sheepishly, “Sorry, I lingered. I made it awkward. Forget that happened.” 

We both laughed. I caught myself biting my bottom lip, which seemed to briefly bring his attention back to my mouth again. Fuck. Was I flirting now? Thankfully, we were interrupted by the valet returning with his vehicle. Mine followed behind a few seconds later. 

“We’ll talk soon. Have a good evening,” he finally said as he took his keys and walked toward the driver's side door, giving a charming smile as he went. I agreed and gave him a wave as I collected my keys and moved toward my own car. 

My head was reeling during the entire drive home. I wasn’t sure what just happened, and I had conflicting feelings about the whole thing. Did we have vibes? Were we flirting? Also, what the hell was wrong with me for allowing that to happen? There was no way I could work for him under those circumstances. Not to mention what had happened with Dieter and Anna. I needed to talk through this with Lauren. 

When I got home, I quickly changed into my pajamas, then facetimed Lauren. She didn’t answer. I gave it a few minutes then tried again. She answered on the second round, a surprised look clearly visible on her face despite the dim lighting around her. 

“Talia? Something wrong? Why are you calling me back-to-back?”

“For starters, you signed up for excessive calls when you decided to be my friend,” I reminded her. “Also, don’t get me started on your texting habits.”

“Okay, what the hell has gotten into you?” She laughed as she shook her head, leaning behind her to switch a lamp on, which illuminated the view on my screen considerably. 

“You’re not going to believe how my night has gone. I’m turning the tables; I’m the one that needs life advice.”  

She had an odd look on her face and seemed to be distracted, her eyes trailing off as she looked at something off camera. 

“Hello? Did you hear me?” I was pacing around my bedroom by this point, bursting to spill all the details of what had happened. 

“Yeah, sorry, I heard you. What’s going on?” She seemed to have her focus back on me now. 

I went into all the details of how the evening had gone from start to finish as I continued to pace around my room. I was feeling flustered and anxious about the whole thing the more I thought about it. I wasn’t even sure how to begin to make a decision about the job offer and I was completely avoiding my thoughts on Dieter. While his behavior pissed me off to no end, I couldn’t help but feel hurt all over again. Which was a feeling I didn’t want to acknowledge out of fear that it would send me spiraling all over again.

Lauren sat staring at her phone, wide-eyed. She looked overwhelmed with the word vomit I had just thrown her way.

“Ok, I need a minute to digest all of that,” she finally said. Her attention was again drawn to something else as an exasperated look formed on her face. 

“What the hell are you doing over there? Is somebody there?”

“NO! No, it’s…” She appeared to swat at something before she continued, “it’s a cat. I have a cat. A stray. It’s not staying. It’s kind of an annoying jerk,” she said with a nervous laugh. I wasn’t sure if I bought that. I gave her a skeptical look. 

“So, Dieter really said all of that to you? Seriously?” she asked, quickly changing the subject. 

“Yes, he did. He was a total asshole. He looked like he was on something. He’s like a completely different person.” I shook my head in disbelief.

“Did you ever consider that maybe he’s trying to piss you off on purpose? To push you away?” 

She had a sympathetic look on her face now. 

“Oh, I know he was trying to do it on purpose. I know him well enough to know when he’s putting on a show. He’s just not usually so cruel about it. I don’t know why he’s being like that.” I shrugged, unsure of what else to say.   

“Maybe you should try talking to him again. He’s kind of hardheaded. Perhaps putting some pressure on him might bring him back to his senses.” 

“No, you know what, let’s just not focus on him.” I paused briefly, shaking my head again, “I don’t even want to think about him. He’s made it clear how he feels.” 

“You can’t avoid it forever.” She gave me a pointed look. 

I threw my hand up in frustration as I rolled my eyes, “I’m not avoiding it. I’m accepting the reality of the situation.”   

Lauren rolled her eyes in return, “No, you're locking all those feelings away in a secret room in that pretty little head of yours and pretending they don’t exist. I know how you are. You’re both so fucking stubborn.”

I was taken aback by how blunt she was being. That was usually my role. 

“Ok, whatever. Can we talk about Carrington now? What should I do about that? I mean, if I take the position in Silicon Valley, I wouldn’t really have to see him once things got settled. So, if there were vibes, it would be a non-issue, right?” I drew my brows down together as I contemplated that choice. 

Lauren sighed heavily before she responded, “Look, I can’t tell you what to do about that. All I can say is don’t make a choice based on a man. Any man. You’ve wasted too much of your life doing that. Don’t take the job just because you want to get away from Dieter and don’t not take it because this Carrington guy may or may not have been flirting with you. You do what you want, then we will deal with what comes after.” 

She was very matter of fact in her response. Even though that wasn’t the answer I wanted, I knew she was right. I needed to remove the men from the equation and figure out what I really wanted. Lauren spoke up again, pulling me from my thoughts, “Sorry to cut it short, but I gotta go. I need to feed this cat, so he’ll chill out.” She was fighting a smile. 

“Why do I feel like you're talking in code about something else?” I gave her a confused look as she started to laugh. 

“Oh, gotta go. We'll talk tomorrow. Bye.” 

She did not even give me a chance to say bye before hanging up, “What the hell was that about?” I shook my head as I set my phone down on the docking station. There was definitely something going on; her behavior during the call was kind of bizarre, so was the excuse about the stray cat. As if I needed something else to wonder about.   

I decided to finish getting ready for bed after that. Even though my mind was racing with so many different thoughts brought on by the day’s events, I was happy to settle in for the night. I laid there for some time, waiting for the melatonin to kick in. It seemed like it took a little longer than normal, but sleep did finally take me. 

Two weeks after my dinner with Carrington, I still hadn’t decided. Luckily, he was understanding and said I still had some time to think about it. Lauren was still being weird and dodging questions. I had reached a point that I didn’t care what she was up to. If she wanted me to know, she would tell me. I already had too many things on my plate to worry about. Of course, the universe still wasn’t satisfied with my long list of troubles and decided to add to it.

I was sitting on the couch, attempting to read a book in between my spells of wandering thoughts, when the doorbell rang. To my surprise, it was Gabby. We hadn’t talked at all since news got out that Dieter and I were no longer together. She would send the occasional text to check in on me, but that’s it. Honestly, it was too hard for me to talk to her. It only made me miss him and the life we were building together even more. 

Gabby greeted me with a tight hug. When she pulled away, I could see the worry in her eyes. 

“I’m sorry to just barge in on you, but I wanted to talk to you in person.”

She gave me a nervous smile as I waved her in and led her over to sit on the couch. She had a tentative look on her face as she asked me how I was doing. 

“I’m actually ok. I’ve just been keeping busy and focusing on work mostly.” It was hard to meet her gaze, because I knew that if I did, I wouldn’t be able to hold it together. Her eyes reminded me of her brother’s, which seemed to unearth the raw emotion that I had managed to keep locked away thus far. It was all simmering under the surface for me, and I knew it wouldn’t take much for it to start peeking its ugly little head out of its hidden room.

“Have you seen any of the gossip sites lately?” She started to rub her hands against her thighs, clearly nervous to bring up the topic of her brother. 

“Uhm, no. I try to avoid all that stuff these days. I don’t want to know what your brother is up to.” My chest tightened at the mere thought of him. I rubbed my shoulder with my right hand, trying to remain calm and grounded. It was impossible though. 

Gabby sighed heavily, “Talia, it’s getting bad,” she said, and I could hear how upset she was. “Every other night he’s out partying with Anna, and he’s gotten into several confrontations with random people at bars and clubs. He isn’t acting like himself at all. I think he’s using something, but I don’t know what it is. We tried to talk to him about it and now he won’t even speak to us. I’m really worried about him.”     

I could feel her eyes on me as I stared at a random painting on the wall. Focusing on the swirls of color and different brush strokes to distract myself from what I was feeling. 

“I’m not sure why you’re telling me this. I can’t do anything about it. He’s made it pretty clear how he feels.” 

“I don’t know what his fucking problem is, but he loves you. I know he does. We could all see it. I think he would listen to you if you would just talk to him.”  She had an edge to her voice as she spoke. She never took her eyes off me. I briefly glanced over at her. The fear in her eyes nearly broke me. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes as I looked back toward the painting. 

“I tried Gabby. The night he called and ended it... I had a flight booked for the next day and he told me not to come. He lost his shit when I asked him if he was on drugs. He doesn’t want to talk to me.” 

She reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly, “You should have gone anyway. I really think if he sees you in person, he’ll listen.”

“I saw him… Two weeks ago. He was an asshole and made it pretty clear that he didn’t want to speak to me.” 

I let out a shuddered breath as I looked down at our hands. Telling her that I couldn’t do anything to stop her brother from hurting himself was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. 

“Maybe if we all tried. I’m pretty sure he has blocked everyone at this point, but we could all show up at his house and talk to him.”  Her voice was strained. I could tell she was trying to keep her emotions in check as much as I was. 

“Gabby, I just don’t think you can help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.”

I looked up at her and watched as she knitted her brows together at my words. A mixture of frustration and anguish written all over her face. 

“You’re not even gonna try?” 

“I can’t,” I said quietly. The tears finally spilled down my cheeks. 

She shook her head from side to side, not understanding where I was coming from.

“Why not?” 

“Because…if I give in, he’ll completely consume me. And if I can’t get through to him, then you’ll lose both of us. I know I won’t be able to come back from it and that scares the hell out of me.”

I could see the fight drain out of her body as she took in what I was saying. I cleared my throat. 

“I guess I should probably tell you, I’ve uhm...been offered another job. I have a choice of going to New York or Silicon Valley. I haven’t made my final decision yet, but I’m leaning toward accepting one of them.”

She couldn’t hold back her tears any longer, “You guys are really over, aren’t you?” 

“Yeah, I think so.” I shook my head in agreement. The tears were now blurring my vision as I felt my face tighten. I gave up on trying to hold it back. She pulled me in for another tight hug.

“I want you to know that I still consider you to be part of this family. I don’t want you to forget that. I’m still holding out hope that fate will bring you guys back together somehow. I’m convinced you two are meant to be.”    

I pulled away, giving her a small smile as I thanked her for being there for me when she didn’t have to be. She left soon after that with promises to keep in touch. After she was gone, I laid down on the couch. I stared at the ceiling for who knows how long, completely disassociating. Once I finally came back to my thoughts, I couldn’t help but to question every decision I was making. I felt lost and now I had the added concerns of Dieter’s wellbeing. I had managed to ignore that piece of the puzzle thus far by isolating myself from the knowledge of what he was doing. Now that I was aware, it was going to be hard continuing to ignore it.

A/N: Happy Friday y'all! How are we feeling about asshole Dieter? That was some seriously rude things to say to poor Talia. How about that dinner with Carrington and his offer (and maybe flirting)? And what the hell is Lauren up to? Also, Gabby is seriously breaking my heart right now. So, just another warning...the next chapter is going to be A LOT. When I say they hit rock bottom, I mean it. It's all (slowly) uphill after that though... Chapter 24 is complete and currently with my beta. I'll post the teaser on Monday. The chapter will come as soon as we are done with final edits. 💜

Lastly, everyone give a big thank you to @for-a-longlongtime for her excellent beta skills. She never fails to take things up a notch.

Sound off about your thoughts and feelings for this chapter. You know it gives me life. 😉 As usual, I have included the mood board for this chapter below.

Next Chapter

Tag List: @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @for-a-longlongtime @hisandsnakes @chaoticfestninja @survivingandenduring @partyofone3413 @cakipy-blog @titlee78 @poodlebae @guelyury @weho2kcmo @missladym1981 @maried01 @alokaerza @samiamproductions @misstokyo7love @themonadiaries-blog @madnessofadaydreamer @pedrostories

Let me know in the comments below if you would like to be added to the tag list.

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

Dear Resident Rohan Expert:

I'm not sure if you have given any thought to this, but I could sure use your help! What are your thoughts about how Rohan's government is structured, specifically the King's council at Edoras? I have assumed the King rules with full authority, but with the help of a council of advisors... but how do you think those advisors are selected? How many? Are they military men? Nobility? Elected? Appointed? Are they inherited titles?

Any of your thoughts would be appreciated since your grasp of Rohirrim culture is sounder than of anyone around! Thank you in advance! 😊

Ooh, this comes very close to giving me the chance to answer the question, “What was Éomer’s tax policy?” 😂 (Which, as a public policy major, is something I wouldn’t mind knowing about!) I have thought about Rohan’s government, and I hope you find my answer useful or at least interesting—it’s always my goal to live up to the praise you give me and to make my Rohan even close to being as well contextualized as your Mirkwood universe!!!

I’ve tried to keep a general structure for Rohan’s government in my mind that is at least quasi-related to the way that Anglo Saxon lands were governed, since they were Tolkien’s model. The big deviations are: 1) there is no mixing of religion and government like the Anglo Saxons did, since Rohan has no organized religion; and 2) I like to keep my Rohan government a little more democratic in the sense that everything isn’t based solely on nobility, inheritance or wealth. That’s partly because I don’t vibe with that approach, but also I feel like Tolkien gave us hints that the Rohirrim are pretty laid back about stuff like that anyway (like, Théoden is shockingly casual about the whole issue of royal succession, and he’s totally willing to take advice from guys like Háma or Wídfara even though we have no reason to believe they’re particularly wealthy or elite nobles).

So, the king has ultimate authority in Rohan and, starting with Éomer, that power is equally shared with the queen (I have to believe that he really took in what he learned about Éowyn’s experience in Rohan and would want things to change, starting with his own wife!). The monarchs exercise their authority with the help of a council. That council is comprised of: 1) the advisors of the royal household, a small group that is at Meduseld with the king and queen every day; and 2) the officers of the court, a bigger group who are out in the towns and villages as representatives of the crown. The entire council meets formally a few times a year to discuss and make recommendations on significant issues, though the king and queen can call them more often if needed. And when the officers of the court are back at their homes in between formal council meetings, the advisors of the royal household give the day-to-day advice or handle emergencies that crop up.

The royal household advisors are chosen by the king/queen and would generally include trusted family members as well as others who have distinguished themselves as being particularly skilled in relevant subjects. There would normally be 7 of these, with each specializing in a particular area: defense, diplomacy, justice/law, treasury, trade, infrastructure (roads, bridges, etc.) and public welfare (care of orphans, famine relief, what passed for public health in those days). But there could be more or less depending on the priorities of the particular king/queen, and the individual advisors might have their own staffs to help them.

The royal household advisors would often be members of the most prominent families in Rohan, if only because those are the people with the most access to the education and experience needed to become good at these things, but anyone can be chosen. And younger people of any background who are identified as being particularly bright and with a lot of potential might be referred to extra schooling/study with the idea of training them to be advisors, or work for them, in the future. (In my fics, this is how Gríma ended up in an advisor role – he failed out of éored training, but the brilliance of his mind was recognized, he was given the additional education to become an advisor on diplomatic affairs, got too close to Isengard and everything went to hell.) (It’s a good process, even though the one example I’ve just given is one where things did not work out well!)

The officers of the court who are spread throughout the land are chosen by their communities, though the king/queen can refuse to seat one that they don’t like or trust.* The king and queen decide how many officers there are, adding or subtracting as the population shifts, but there are generally 5 each from the West-mark and the East-mark and 3 from Edoras and its surrounding lands. These officers not only sit on the council that helps the king/queen set law and policy, but they’re also the first line administrators who see those policies carried out around the country (so, they hire the tax collectors in Dunharrow or the work crews that build the new road between Aldburg and Grimslade or whatever). That makes them kind of the face of the crown in most parts of Rohan where regular people are never going to see the king or queen (or, at least, not often). They can also draw on the expertise and knowledge of the royal household advisors as needed when carrying out royal policy.

Thank you again for the opportunity to write something that’s probably far too long about a niche topic that I find very interesting!! If anyone has their own ideas and thoughts—either complementary or conflicting—I would love to hear them. More Rohan for everyone! 👑🐎🗡️♥️

*A king/queen should really try to avoid doing this, especially if the person in question is really popular in their community and has any kind of independent power base. Don’t get me started on how Helm Hammerhand really fucked this up with a member of his own council and got a war started as a result.

[0-r-a-y-0]

MASTERLIST(?) AND REQUEST BOUNDARIES

—Heyy I’m Ray (not my real name) I write Nick centric oneshots (romantic, platonic, etc.)

I like music (specifically rock music but I also LOVE Mitski, Lana feel Rey, Melanie, etc.), I obviously love the triplets, art, writing, Supernatural, Bojack Horseman, horror movies, cats, and many other things

My fav songs <33

How you remind me— Nickelback

I don’t like my mind— Mitski

Nausea— Violet & Dave Grohl

Doll— Foo Fighters

Duvet— bōa

Shandi— Kiss

Comfort Crowd— Conan Gray

Avalon— $uicideboy$

Song about me— Tv Girl

Killing me— Conan Gray

Kill yourself (part lll)— $uicideboy$

Black Hole Sun— Soundgarden

Break— Alex G

Covet— Basement

Breathe (in the air)— Pink Floyd

Carry on wayward son— Kansas

When the sun hits— Slowdive

Plan B— Megan Thee Stallion

Hallie’s song— Eminem

Decode— Paramore

Black Star— Radiohead

Just— Radiohead

And a million more :) (I can talk about music for hours)

— I’m a Leo (July 28 is my bday if you care)

— I’m bisexual (MAJOR preference for girls but I got a boyfriend)

— Proud Nick girl (if that wasn’t obvious) ︎

— My favorite color is navy blue (obsessed with ANYTHING that color)

— Also obsessed with anything related to stars

— Single but MADLY in love with a girl that’s taken by an ugly ass guy (she’s bisexual and totally wants me back I got proof)

What I WILL write about:

- fluff, suicide, eating disorders, self harm, alcoholism, smoking, mental health issues, pretty much anything

What I WON’T write about

-smut, ROMANTIC Nick x fem reader, Nick x reader in general (UNLESS it’s platonic), rape, cancer/any serious illness

—For some reason it won’t show “ask me anything” button on my phone but apparently you can see it so request anything or just ask me some questions. But if you can’t see the button then just send me a message or comment and give me the request!! Also put if you would like to remain anonymous or not!! Thank you <33

︎

ROMANTIC…❤︎

Hickeys (Only 1 with Max)

Party (The start of Jasper)

KISS

Morning Cuddles

Hair Dye

Bad Day

Insomnia

Sick Day

Clean Up

Smoke Session

Clean up (part ll)

Hair Play

Christmas Tree

Flustered

Wisdom Teeth

New Year’s Kiss

Overwhelming

Baked

PLATONIC…⤶

Period

BROTHERLY LOVE…☽

Sick Day

Text Messages (TM)…☠︎

Stoner!Nick x Jasper

Headcanons…꩜

Romantic (headcanons #1)

NSFW Headcanons #2

NSFW Alphabet

SFW Alphabet

[libbee]

Some astro related life lessons I have learned:

Karma is real. I dont know how karma works but it does work. Karma shows rewards through money, material fulfillment, education, career, relationships, marriage. People with success, fame, power, status, money are reaping fruits of their karma. Conversely, bad karma shows as misfortune, ill health, bad character, failure in life, poverty.

Your karma does not end with you. Your children, their children are also impacted by your actions. If you do fair actions, your future generations will have decent destiny. If you do fucked up actions, your future generations will face the consequences too.

Reading your birth chart is crucial to adjust your expectations from life. For eg, 8th house moon should not expect emotional connection and bonding with mom. 12th house sun should not expect available father. There is no point in having impossible expectations when they are not meant to be fulfilled.

"Pseudoscience" does not make any sense. I have experienced synchronicity, premonition, psychic future telling, tarot predictions, astrology making sense to me. These are called pseudoscience but I call them mysticism. They are as real as my existence. I cannot prove them in a lab but they are valid and valuable to me.

Look where your major placements are and what your life theme has been. My most planets are in 7th and 8th house, and my life has indeed been about romantic relationships, occult, psychology, other people. My dad has major planets in 10th and 11th house, and his life has indeed been about career, money, work, outdoors.

Do not be too influenced by media. I think that media is projection of active imagination + profession. It is a mode of escapism from reality. So many of us are happy to invest money in media to escape our realities. This is the power of mind, imagination and feelings.

Astro helps you identify your personality qualities too. I am 8th house and water dominant, and I am indeed emotionally intense, obsessive, strongly emotional and sensitive. I am sensitive to words and get easily hurt. Since I know this, I create measures to shield myself.

Learn to identify psychology patterns and have confidence in what you see. People will gaslight you "you cannot tell how they are feeling, you are making things up, people are unpredictable". No they are not. People and personalities work on a pattern and you can identify it once you deeply understand yourself. Have confidence in your psychoanalysis abilities. I used to be very wrong about people earlier but now that I have started to understand myself, I can also understand other people and their psychology better. I would also suggest to read on personality disorders. That will really enrich your understanding of emotions, behaviour, reactions people follow.

Do not change yourself if you meet bad people. I personally believe that humans are innately bad people. They are selfish, manipulative, jungle animals. Some people have active badness, some have badness in their shadows as repressed qualities. I do not believe that "all humans are good and just make mistakes because of brain complexity". I believe that people choose to be good people: because they fear consequences of their actions or it makes them feel good about themselves or it is their active personality traits or it is the law and order or the civilization and social manners or it is religion and fear of God or desire for good rebirth. If there were no such constraints, humans would be law of jungle. It is hard work to be a good person. It is much easier to surrender to impulses, commit wrong things, harm others, speak lies.

[soullessjack]

Ok I have question! It's a pretty common take in SPN fandom that Cas and Jack (& sometimes Sam) are autistic or autism-coded. Is that problematic because they are literally nonhuman characters? And I guess side questions - will nonhuman characters always come across as autism coded because of their innate otherness? How could the line be drawn between the two via characterization so that inhumanity and autism aren't mistakenly conflated?

Please feel free to ignore if this ask in no way brings you joy 🫶

hi!! this actually brings me So Much joy thank u for asking :D

it might depend on the person you ask, but for myself and a majority of the autistic community it’s not problematic at all! autistic people very commonly relate to nonhuman characters (aliens, robots, angels in trench coats, etc) in the same way queer people have historically related to horror monsters like Dracula and the Creature from the Black Lagoon (interestingly enough, many horror villains were actually intentionally queer coded due to the Hayes Code not allowing positive/supportive representation of most minorities)

I don’t think the defining characteristic of an autistic coded character is that they’re nonhuman, but that they’re often written with traits autistic people display — lack of social awareness, blunt communication, etc — or even with the same experiences as autistic people. for example, i related a lot to Zane from Ninjago and his struggle with a sense of humor (i do understand some jokes, but sometimes they just aren’t funny to me). after the reveal that he was actually a robot, it turned out that his lacked sense of humor was because of a literal “funny switch” built into him that had been turned off the whole time. of course I didn’t know I was autistic then, but it still l felt like my own brain was being shown to me onscreen.

there’s definitely a conversation to be had about the ableism that goes into some of these characters; after all, if they aren’t being made by autistic people or with autistic representation truly in mind, then they’re just associating autistic traits with robots and aliens and other things not of this world. it follows the same logic of Punching Up vs Punching Down. autistic people and disabled people overall struggle with the idea of being burdens to others, but it’s one thing for a person in that community to create art that expresses their feelings and experiences in possibly being a burden, vs a neurotypical abled person creating art that depicts disabled people as completely burdens.

****

this is a slight detour from the main road but:

from 2020-21 my mental health was at the lowest it had ever been for a Lot of reasons, but namely that I was struggling with school and just figuring out that I potentially had adhd and autism. I used to draw my persona with a lobotomy scar back then, including this as my one and only vent piece:

of course I knew the horror and medical abuse behind lobotomies (it’s been a very in-and-out interest for most of my life), and of course I knew that they were never a solution, and I never once intended to portray them as anything otherwise, but back then I wanted so badly to just be Fixed and Normal instead of being The Way I Was and struggling because of it that the concept of a lobotomy and the symbolism behind it became my way of coping for a short while.

(I doubt it matters but I have somewhat improved since then and my lobotomy scar is now just a zombie face stitch :P)

***

anyways, I don’t think nonhuman characters will always be considered autistic, nor should they be seen that way inherently, because not all of them are written with our traits or experiences in mind. Like: Omni-Man is an alien, but he isn’t autistic [coded]. He doesn’t show any specific traits for mannerisms; his storylines don’t have any similarities to autistic experiences. Nothing about his character could be interpreted as autistic. but if they’re written with the express traits and experiences of an autistic person, like Cas and Jack and Zane, then they’re free game to be considered representation.

There’s also some nuance to the idea that nonhuman autistic characters could make a conflation between actual autistic people and inhuman creatures, but look at queer people and horror monsters again. there’s elements of tragedy and forbidden love, of grappling with a Hidden Side Of Yourself and being a misunderstood monster in classic horror which resonated and continues to resonate highly with queer people. should we dissuade all that since bigots already conflate us with predatory monsters? or can we joke about how they see us, satirize it to hell like Rocky Horror? Is it truly ours to reclaim if we can’t make a few jabs ourselves?

representation doesn’t always have to be perfect or sanitized to be representative of us — especially if it’s being reclaimed by us. in fact, it often serves a better purpose to truly show what our lives and experiences are like, rather than something sanded down to the basic shape of us. it’s really simple; we as Weird, Othered people very often find odd comfort in the Weird and the Other. again, it’s not the general consensus, but I know that I feel the same way about autistic representation

That’s the only line I can see that makes sense to be drawn.

this ended up being longer than I thought it would but I had fun answering it! I hope it’s helpful :3 🫶

[kasumingo]

People who are like, get medicated, get therapy, get help, as if its the easiest most effective thing ever boggle the mind. Like i know they cannot know unless theyve been in the system for any length of time but theres so much to unpack here. Theres LAYERS

Theres the fact that everyone should be aware of by now, that its often expensive and inaccessible to many as well, but thats entry level shit. It goes deeper.

The fields of psychology and ESPECIALY psychiatry are steeped in stigma and dogma and straight up bad info. Everything is depression until proven otherwise. Gender stigma is very very real with autism and ad(h)d and so is actual genuine oppression that can come with those diagnoses and anything "more serious". God help you if youre diagnosed with or suspect cluster A or B personality disorders or ANY psychotic ones. I dont have firsthand experience but ive heard enough to know that often those with ASPD and schizoaffective/schizophrenic get treated as subhuman. Not to mention how severe antipsychotics are as medication, theres good reasons people often dont take theirs.

But even if youve got one of the "easy" disorders, guess what? "Success" is still not guaranteed. Figuring out medication and dosage can be a long and exhausting process, a lot of them have significant drawbacks and restrictions.

And cognitive behavioral therapy can also have negative effects! Especially if ur misdiagnosed! Or do it while youre still in survival mode! Or have alexythimia like myself! Its not an one size fits all cure.

People are so ready to condescend to the mentally ill and say stuff like "get therapy" as if its the holy grail of mental care without a trace of irony. People lapse treatment and lick their own wounds the best they can for so many reasons, A LOT OF THEM RELATING TO HOW SHIT AND INEFFECTIVE THERAPY CAN BE, and instead of that being the focus the talk about it is so often boiled down to them being lazy or incapable of taking care of themselves.

I know this couldve been its own post but honestly with you posting abt it i feel better giving this here directly. It got kind of ranty but just, people who use "get therapy" as the ultimate gotcha BOIL MY BLOOD.

People think that therapist, psychologists, psychiatrist and similar are these unquestioned authorities that always have your best interest in mind and have the answer for anything.

While the truth is that the psych field is filled with incompetent bigots either entering the field for the power trip or having an incredible biased and misguided point of view at best.

I don't personally have the experience with BPD or ASPD myself either, but it's not hard to imagine how they treat individuals they don't even consider people… that the majority of society don't consider ones either and doesn't care what happens to them.

AND YES GOD IT'S INFURIATING.

Especially since in many cases it doesn't come from genuine care, but as a dismissal and denial that many people ARE broken, weird, strange, peculiar, different but they do NOT need fixing, CAN'T be fixed and certainly don't owe strangers recovery.

Modern attitudes I'm seeing in online spaces are only setting mental health of the societies back years if not decades and leads to mental health of all involved unnecessarily dipping even further, only adding to what's happening in the world as a whole lately.

It's frustrating and I only can hope that my yelling in the void brings someone peace or makes rethinking the attitudes they've been carrying up until this point.