#there's a much longer rant I'm sure has been done before by someone else but still..

[cinna-bunnie]

something something top shortage but you only let like 5 types of tops exist and call everyone else a bottom

[lorenzobane]

Emotional Support Lizard

Summary: Julian is a bit upset, and Garak is determined to help.

(On AO3 Here)

Julian is actually, Garak thinks, fairly easy to care for emotionally. When his ego has been bruised, he wants someone to drink with and listen to him complain. When he's angry for some morally self-righteous reason, he wants to rant, rave, and be sanctimonious for a bit. When he's bored, you just need to run him like a riding hound. Garak's become an expert at random, lengthy, energy-draining tasks to keep in his back pocket for when Julian starts to fidget.

He's also honest, willing to just say what he needs when he's hungry or tired or wants a hug. Garak appreciates it more than he can express because trying to learn to be emotionally supportive of someone for the first time in his life at the tender age of fifty seems like a daunting task.

He reminds himself of this now because he's hit the one circumstance when Julian is not easy. He's upset, truly upset about something, though Garak cannot say what. Garak can tell because he's hardly spoken all night, pulling sharply into himself. He can also tell because Julian currently has three PADDs downloading what appear to be roughly 154 different journal articles. He isn't planning on sleeping.

Garak's tried everything, offered to get weeknight drunk on spring wine, to play a board game, sex (which Julian almost never refuses), and it had all been met with a bland, tired, "perhaps another night."

"My dear," Garak hesitates, watching Julian peck at his already light dinner with disinterest. "Are you... Are you alright?"

It burns him a little, being forced to ask so bluntly. He cannot help but be furious with himself at his inability to predict what Julian needs.

Julian gives him a glance and a fake smile. "Of course, love. I'm sorry; I'm clearly a bit distracted. I think I'm going to read in the library."

The library, as they called it, is more of an office that they sometimes used when they had urgent work that had to be done from home. The room was split into two sides, Garak's and Julian's, but they shared a broad catalog of leisure books that they kept in the same room.

Garak bites his lip, "you've hardly eaten."

Julian looks at his still mostly full plate. "I'll keep it in stasis and eat it later. I'm not hungry right now."

Garak nods and inclines his head, not sure what else to say when Julian takes his plate and leaves. As soon as Julian's turned the corner, he dropped his head into his hands. What could possibly be upsetting him this much? Was something wrong at work?

Or perhaps, a cold voice whispers in his ear, he's upset with you. Perhaps he's no longer happy in your home; maybe he regrets that lovely joining necklace on his neck. Maybe he's been thinking about a divorce, about leaving.

Garak feels the room closing in a bit around him and takes a deep breath, grounding himself in the feel of the chair under his lap and the sour-sweet scent of zabu stew. He's being irrational. It probably has nothing to do with him; when Julian is upset, it is nearly always work-related. All Garak needs to do is find out what.

Carefully puts his dish away, gets himself a cup of tea and his private PADD, and sets about hacking into the hospital's files.

Garak absent-mindedly flipped through Julian's most recent case files, taking a long drag of tea. Nothing so far, a few surgeries that went well, a bit of post-op care for others, nothing that jumps out at Garak as being unusually bad. He switches to security camera footage for the main areas of the hospital (there are no, Garak notes with irritation, cameras inside the hospital rooms). He scrolls through the footage at 2.5x the speed, watching Julian go about his day, casually flipping through medical charts and going from patient to patient before leaving to scrub in at the OR.

Garak ponders this and decides it probably isn't work-related. Taking a last stab, he checks Julian's message box. Mostly emails from Ezri Dax, Miles O'Brien, and Kira Nerys, with roughly 200 promotional emails from Quark's. He's about to give up hope when he sees an email Julian has marked as Important from South Rixx General Hospital.

Garak clicks it immediately and begins scanning the message. His eyes widen the further down he gets, and he quickly reads the rest of the messages in the thread. Once he gets to the end, he sits back heavily. Why didn't Julian just tell him?

It appears Julian's father, Richard Bashir had contracted a serious, potentially life-threatening infection while on Betazed a few months ago. Julian had been consulting with the hospital, trying to help. The last message, the one Julian received today, stated that Richard was responding slowly to treatment and the prognosis did not look encouraging.

As far as Garak can tell, Julian's relationship with his parents is complicated and emotionally fraught. He had met them several times, in fact. Both in person, when they've either traveled to Earth, or on Cardassia Prime when they've come to visit. They've even taken one incredibly painful family vacation to Ailsa IV. Julian calls them every two weeks, and they have a strained chat where Garak gets to see Julian do a phenomenal performance of Julian Bashir.

Despite how much Julian rages about his father and mother and how tense their relationship is, Garak knows they love each other. That is, in Garak's view, the precise problem.

He puts the PADD down and thinks. Garak would bet his left foot that those journal articles Julian was downloading, and is no doubt tearing through now, are related to his father's illness.

He gets up and walks to the library, "Julian, my dear?"

"Hm?" Julian replies, he has a PADD in one hand, and the other is tapping on the larger monitor running a calculation.

Garak hedges, "I'm worried about you."

"I'm perfectly fine, Garak," Julian replies a bit sharply.

"I'm sure you are, but still, you'll have to forgive me... This is all a bit out of character. Can you at least tell me what this is about?"

Julian sighs and rubs a beautiful hand across his face. "Just... A personal project."

"My love," Garak says, looking at him as sweetly as he knows how and pulling his lips into a soft pout, "you can tell me anything. Am I not, after all, your family?"

Julian's face softens, and he places a hand on Garak's cheek, "of course you are. Of course, speaking of family actually-- that is--"

Julian abruptly cuts himself off. "You already know, don't you?"

Garak licks his lips, "of course not. I haven't the faintest idea--"

"Oh, spare me," Julian spits. "You're trying to manipulate me into telling you something you already know. For what? A sense of accomplishment on this fine evening? Well, bloody, fine, my dad is sick, and I'm trying to fix it. Which you already fucking knew. Now please leave."

"What?" Garak gasps sincerely. "No! Julian, please. I am worried; I just want to be there for you. I wanted to help."

"You can't hack into my private files every time you want to help me! Some things are personal!"

"Too personal to share with me? Your husband? Who promised to honor and serve you for the rest of your life?" Garak says this a bit desperately, he knows, but it is nonetheless true.

"I needed time to process how I felt!" Julian takes a deep breath before whispering, "I would have told you, Elim. I would have. I wish you had trusted me to."

The room grows quiet for a moment before Garak stiffens up and coughs slightly. "Apologies, my dear. For overstepping. I'll leave you to your work."

Julian watches him steadily; he can feel his eyes on his back before Julian lets out a sigh. "Oh, come here then."

Garak turns sharply and is pulled into Julian's warm embrace.

"There must be something seriously wrong with me," Julian says, his voice a little softer and warmer. "But I suppose it is sweet how much you want to help. You're all sentiment under those scales, aren't you?"

Garak harumphs, "there is no need to be rude. I was simply--"

"I recommend you tread very carefully and remember that I am choosing to find this charming."

"I was simply being terribly, terribly sweet. An excellent husband."

Julian chuckles against Garak's ear. "Good choice."

"So," Garak asks, a bit softer. "Will you be coming to bed?"

Julian hesitates; his body goes slightly tense against Garak's before he relaxes again. "Yes, I will. Let's go."

Garak thrills a little at the victory, despite the minor stumble. Perhaps he can convince Julian that it was all a part of the plan.

[theroyalsavage]

heyoo!! sorry this is kind of an annoying ask so feel free to ignore but I loved all your thiam fics and they characterizations you have for everyone especially theo is so spot on and perfect so I was wondering if you could do a character analysis on any of them?

hi anon!! thanks so much for your kind words! i’m 99% sure this unhinged rant is not what you were hoping for but bestie my professors chose violence this week and my brain is made of soup so please. bon appetit

i really think the thing that's so compelling to me about theo is how fundamentally his character arc captures the themes of change and redemption that are at the center of teen wolf's dna as a show.

pretty much as soon as his betrayal is revealed in 5a, theo's framed as a figure whose very survival has itself become a selfish act. tara's heart is an obvious and visceral symbol of what he's taken from others in order to survive, but her death is also a direct parallel to what he does to tracy and josh, and what he tries to do with scott. like corey and mason and the rest of the chimeras, theo is a victim of the dread doctors - perhaps even more so. he was a child, taken from his family, raised in an unloving and unsympathetic environment for almost ten full years. as a result, his primary defense mechanism has become a twisted sort of ambition. gain more power, and no one can hurt me. gain a pack, and i won't be alone anymore. become an alpha, and i’ll never feel helpless again.

in 6a, after he's brought back from superhell (rip), theo immediately declares himself to be the same person he was before he was sent away. joke’s on him, though, because within three episodes he’s actively sacrificing his life for someone for the first time that we're aware of. when he throws liam into the elevator and stays to hold off the wild hunt, there is absolutely no reason to believe he’s getting out of there alive. nobody else has up to this point. s5 theo wanted liam to kill scott - kill his alpha and his friend, scarring himself permanently in the process - so that theo could kill liam and gain both of their power. s6 theo, unprompted, makes the choice to put his own self-preservation on the backburner in order to give liam the chance to survive another day. setup, meet payoff.

i really think a lesser show might've killed him there - redemption complete, a selfish existence thrown on its head and then ended. when it’s not doing the Absolute Most, though, teen wolf actually kind of slaps really hard. so instead, we get s6e10 the wolves of war (complimentary). this episode is a mess and i understand why people have issues with it, but i'm a wolves of war apologist just because of theo's final scene in the hospital. that shit is such immaculate character work. i cannot shut up about it. s6e10 tells us that what theo needed to be redeemed was never to die for someone - it's to fight with someone, to live with someone, to reframe existence and life and growth in terms of support and mutual benefit instead of selfishness. theo’s able to take gabe's pain, in the end, because he's no longer putting his own self-preservation first. but he doesn't need to die to prove that - instead, he fights at liam's side, and eases gabe's pain as he dies, and proves his survival does not have to be a selfish act.

theo proves the point scott’s been making for the whole fuckin show. he's not only capable of change, but he does it - and he does it because he decides to. because he finds something - someone - worth fighting for. it doesn't erase the things he's done, but it does recontextualize them. i believe that in life we do the best we can with what we're given. theo was given tara's heart and a chimera's body and then - finally - liam's outstretched hand. good is a verb, not an adjective. theo is redeemed because he's given the opportunity to, and because he actively seizes that opportunity.

theo raeken is when dove cameron said “so you wanna talk about power? / well, let me show you power.” and when mitski said “open up your heart like the gates of hell / you stay soft, get beaten. / only natural to harden up.” and when khalid said “sister, sister, please know that i’m sorry; / i wish you could’ve stopped me.” and when mary oliver said “you do not have to be good... / you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” and when rina sawayama said “i’m trying to be normal / but trauma is immortal... / i don’t wanna be a monster anymore.” and when silas denver melvin said “you are not as damned as you think you are.”

[btskitten7]

Ａｒｒａｎｇｅｍｅｎｔｓ ｓｅｉｒｅｓ

“My Bestfriend to My Man”

➜ fic pairing: female oc x maknae line, fem oc x Jimin. Hinted poly relationship.

➜ current wc: 2.5k

➜ genre/ AU: angst, fluff, smut. Casual relationship. Domestic

➜ chapter warnings: ⚠︎︎small fight scenes, small anxiety. Slight mention on sexual themes.

➜ summary : the one where Jimin finally comes to terms with his feelings for you.

To you this was just another day with your best friend. You planned everything out perfectly, it was a cute movie drive-in that was only going to be around for Limited time so you had to go. You had been at work all day thinking about the movie later.

 "I think he's gonna ask you out" your friend said finishing up some orders. You looked over at her from your own orders.

"What makes you believe that? We're just friends" you said, completing the order and ringing the bell for them to pick it up. " because I believe he likes you y/n, can't you tell by how he looks at you, how he protects you?"

That is true. Jimin protected you with everything in him. No matter how big or how small the problem was, if it meant saving your life, it was worth it.

*flashback*

"Are you sure you're gonna be alright on your own? I'm pretty sure my mom can watch my daughter a little longer" one of your overnight employees questioned.

Tonight is one of the nights you and a few of your employees had to stay overnight to stock up on supplies and things for the café. You did it once a week, every Saturday night. It was supposed to be you, your co-owner, and an employee.

"Yeah you have nothing to worry about. Rae said she'll be over as soon as her family dinner is over and the café across the street is still open so if anything happens someone is bound to see and help. Don't worry. Go be with your daughter, give her a kiss for me" you smiled. She smiled brightly and hugged you tight.

"Thank you so much, y/n. If I'm able to, I'll be right back" you smiled. "Take your time, I'm sure Rae will be here any minute" she bowed and left out.

You sighed softly looking at all the work cut out for you. "This is going to be a long night" you mumbled, took a bite of your pizza and then you got to work.

A few hours went by and Jimin FaceTime you. You answered on the first ring and sat back down. "Hiya min" you smiled. Jimin quickly looked at your surroundings.

"You aren't home?" He asked, you shook your head. "Remember I have to stock tonight." You said showing him the mess you've created. "Aish, no wonder your neighbor looked at me like that" he said leaving your doorstep and getting back into his car.

"What do you mean?" You asked. "I was standing outside your apartment ready to kick your door down because you weren't answering, I was worried" he sighed, setting his phone down before driving off. He hated that. Sometimes you would get so caught up in work or something else and forget to text him.

"Ahhh I'm sorry. I was just really busy, I have to get this all done in one night." You sighed. "You're on your own? Jagiyaaaa" he whined. You laughed at his ranting and raving. "It's not safe, there's a creep floating around town taking advantage of pretty girls like you being alone. Have you locked the doors?!" Jimin yelled. "Aww so you're calling me pretty?" You tilted your head smiling brightly.

Jimin's cheeks turned super red and his hands got sweaty. "Don't change the subject Y/n. Did you lock the doors?" He asked again more sternly, letting you know he was being serious. You admitted defeat. "Okay okay, sorry. Yes I lock the doors, everything is okay. If you're that worried, why don't you come help me?" You battered your eyelashes. He chuckled giving into your cute features. "Alright alright, but we're crashing at my place okay?" You smiled and nodded.

"Deal, see you soon Min".

After hanging up the phone with Jimin, you felt relieved that you'll have some help to get this done faster and you get to spend the night in Jimin's warm bed. You swore he has the softest bed, you always fall asleep with no issues when you're there.

A few moments later you saw a shadow from the corner of your eye wall across. Not paying it any mind though, this street is always filled with late night walkers, couples, mainly students trying to find a spot to eat or club. You weren't concerned until you heard someone try to jiggle the door knob. "Maybe it's Jimin or Rae" you said standing up and coming around the Corner only to see that it was Jimin or Rae but in fact a stranger, perhaps the guy Jimin was talking about. The stranger began to jiggle the door knob hard followed by a few bangs to the glass window, mind going blank, hoping he didn't already see you. You dropped to your knees and dialed Jimin's number back.

Thankfully he answered immediately, "Yah I'm down the street-" the man had successfully managed to get inside the café looking around for the pretty girl he saw earlier. You quickly locked yourself in the office and hid under the desk. "Min, Min s-someone's in here please please please hurry" you said shaking underneath your desk holding onto your phone with dear life. "What? How I thought you locked the doors!?" Jimin said quickly getting out of his car and sprinting down the street to your café. "I-i did I did but you know I've been having issues with the locks for- Min he's trying to get in he's trying to get in! Min please!" You cried. The phone went completely silent, "m-Min? Min?"

It was bone silent for a while, then you heard a couple glass breaking and shuffling coming from the other room. You sat there. Covering your ears, not wanting to hear the familiar sound. Within minutes the shuffling and screaming stopped, and you heard a soft knock on the door followed by the soft voice you grew to love.

"It's me Jagiya, open up"

You hurriedly opened the door to see a slightly injured Jimin. "Oh my Gosh are you okay? Min, are you hurt?" You said taking his face to your hands and examining his wounds. "I'm fine, I'm fine. Are you alright? Did he touch you?" Jimin asked to do his own examination. "Don't worry about me, you just got into a fight! Are-"

"And I'll get into 100 more if it means you'll be okay"

*** end of flashback ***

"He fought for you, like FOUGHT fought. Still has the cut on his pretty little face for you! Not too many people fight for others just saying" Rae said looking at you smirking.

"He's just my best friend, that's it. It's not that serious" you said.

"If it's not that serious and you're just best friends, why don't you make me coffee when I come in, you make his coffee everyday at the same time before he even asks for it, before you even know if he's going to come see you. ALSO, I don't spend NIGHTS at my best friend's house and come back to work with a hickey on my neck." You eyes widen, "we haven't don't anything like that! He's other friends came and they dared him too!" You pouted.

"He didn't say no, he didn't even hesitate did he?" She said, smirking.

 At the same time Jimin walked in happy to see you and like clock work you already had his order complete.

"Lovebirds I'm calling it now, you're gonna be my best friend-in-law" Rae said seriously as you and Jimin laughed.

Later that night🌸

"Ugh you're so annoying" you giggled at your new best friend, snatching your blanket back. He pouted. "I'm cold too Y/n you can't have all the blanket" causing you to laugh more.

" I told you to bring a blanket! I even asked you if you need one, you said no" you whisper yelled. Your cute friend pouted his lips even more as he whined fighting you for a part of your blanket. "Yaaah y/n. You didn't tell me it was going to be cold and I thought we were going to a real movie theater" he said wiggling himself closer to you wrapping himself on you and the blanket around you both.

"Warm. Your. Mochi" he whined, pulling the blanket on him. You giggled pulling the blanket back "use the one that's underneath us min!" "No! It's on the ground and we're going to use it when our food gets here, just share with mee" he said opening the blanket and diving himself inside snuggling you close waiting for the movie to start while you couldn't contain your laughter. "Wah, you're so cute Min but next time you'll listen to me right?" You said snuggling him close. He smiled and nodded.

Watching the stars, watching some movies you grew up on or something that just came out, eating popcorn and drinking soda.

Jimin didn't care for the movie at all. He has his own agenda tonight.

He's going to confess to you.

It didn't matter if it was in a movie theater or right here underneath the stars. He's tired of hiding it from you. He can't keep looking you in your face, hearing you cry about some guy that stood you up or didn't text back, or about a guy you had no interest in but you'll call him up when you need to be fucked, knowing he's in love with you. Ready to make you his.

But he was scared. He knew you've been through a lot, maybe you didn't want a relationship.

Maybe you just wanna fuck, he'll be cool with that.

Maybe you need time, he's 100% okay with that.

Maybe you didn't see him in that way, he'll accept that, but he couldn't sit here with a mind full of maybes, he needed to tell you.

He looked down at you lying on his chest, watching the movie that captured your attention. He was getting nervous, he began rubbing your side out of habit. You looked up at him frowning, you caught on to that habit quickly, "what's wrong?" He rubbed your side a little faster and cheeks turned red.

"I need to talk to you.. about something" he said looking in your eyes seeing the seriousness, you instantly sat up and held his hand. "Talk to me, what's up?" You said.

"You always make yourself available to me... fuck y/n" he smiled. "Well duh you're my best friend. My only true friend" you smiled brightly, but your eyes showed sadness.

"Well you have Rae too," Jimin said, rubbing your thighs. "True but she's busy with her life, she has a husband and a baby already. She won't have time for me soon" you sighed. "So I only have you best friend," you smiled. "....but I don't wanna be best friends," he said softly. Your heart rate started to beat faster and busted out in a cold sweat.

'Not again, please not again.' You thought to yourself.

"H-huh?" You managed to get out without busting out in full tears. 'Maybe I didn't understand him..'

"Kitten, I don't wanna be your best friend anymore..." he repeated again, breaking your heart once again. He opened his mouth to explain further but you stopped him with your tears. He looked at you confused. "Why are you-"

"W-was is something I did? I-I'm sorry, but please don't go.. just let me fix it, maybe I c-can fix it just let me fix it?" You said pulling onto his belt buckle wiping your tears, sniffling as you fumbled with his buttons.

In complete shock, Jimin quickly stopped you. "Y-you don-" "N-no I want to" you cried moving his hands "Y-Y/n no stop it" he demanded, he wanted you but not this way.

"But you can't leave me! I won't have anything or anyone else-"

"Stop. Please just listen to me!" He yelled. His voice carried through the half empty park.

Heads turned towards you and Jimin and began to whisper. Your cheeks turned red and your hands started to shake, causing you to get up and walk away quickly.

Jimin sighed and quickly cleaned up, throwing everything into the car before following you.

There was a small lake really close by, so you decided to stop there. You needed your mind to stop. You couldn't lose someone else again, too many people walked out of you when you needed them, you promised yourself you wouldn't allow it to happen again, you were going to do everything right, do whatever they wanted, just so you couldn't feel the cold anymore.

So you could be warm.

You finally released your cries and whimpers, really believing you were going to be alone forever..

Then You felt your warmth, the one that didn't make you cold anymore.

"Please don't go Jimin...I-I need you whatever I did I won't do it again" you said pulling him closer to you, hugging him tight. He chuckled. "I never said I was leaving love."

You looked up at him and frowned. "But you said you didn't want to be my best friend anymore-"

"That didn't mean I was leaving"

He looked in your eyes, turned you to him. The moon light shone over his beautiful bright eyes, comforting you.

 "I don't wanna be your best friend anymore because... I wanna be your man" he said, holding your hands tight.

"I wanna be your husband really but boyfriend is fine"

He smiled and continued. "I wanna wake up to you, I wanna make you breakfast, I want you to make me breakfast, I wanna make you a mommy, I want you to make me a daddy. When I make it, I wanna make it with you-" he paused..

"Y/n I love you." He smiled softly.

"I have to be honest, I-I wanna be your girlfriend b-but I'm scared... I don't know how to be a perfect girlfriend..." you looked up at him and he smiled.

"Baby girl I don't know how to be a perfect boyfriend, I'm going to piss you off, you're going to piss me off," he paused while looking into your eyes, with the most and tender look of all. 

"but I would rather piss you off and make it up to you later than to have a perfect girlfriend." Jimin smiled. You blushed avoiding his eyes.

"Look at me beautiful, '' he said, putting his forehead on yours. You looked in his eyes..

"Now... will you be my girlfriend?"

[backpackingspace]

okay were getting deep oversharing with the internet times bc I'm going to react to dw through my trauma lense. Specifically hell bent and heaven sent here we go.

So far so good.

Listen will I be grateful if these episodes no longer trigger me to hell and back. Will I also be pissed that I've spent years being triggered by this show when the original trigger episodes no long trigger me? Yes. Yes I will be.

Never mind there will be no deeper meaning sound here the doctor is trying to dry his doc martins up right and laced up and its annoyed me so much it's all I will associate with this episode now.

The doctor talking himself into being brave o.o baby. Also me. Talking myself into doing anything with heights.

Sprays last thought like a cat no bad. Making me based comparisons is how this whole mess got started

Oh. Yep there it is. Being forced to relive the things that scares you on purpose forever. "I'm scared and I'm alone" ha ha yah fuck

Okay listen self. If the doctor being forced to relive his wrost fears on purpose is torture than you being forced to relive your worst fear is torture. I know we don't want to accept that don't want to accept its that bad but it is.

Oh hey the losing time thing too?? Haha yah

The sleep deprivation

"Maybe I'm in hell" "how long do I have to be here? Forever?" Yah it sure did feel that that.

"Asking a skull if it's still scared" yah passively contemplating death so I didn't have to be scared anymore. That sure was a thing.

"There's something I'm missing and I think it's something terrible" literally shut the hell up

Im actually finding this really helpful to be able to go through and label my emotions and thoughts about my situation might show this to the brand new shiny therapist I now have.

"I'm playing someone else's game I cannot stop and everyone else has lost" man if we're taking ever line as a metaphor for what was done to me. This therapist had a deal with a school man. It literally terrifies me to think of how many kids she's messed up like she messed me up. Both before and after because let me tell you. She was so fucking good at messing you up. Took literally 3 sessions to get you dependent on her and going insane.

The clinging feeling of desperation that you just have to get through this it gets worse before it gets better.

"The I can't keep doing this rant"

the way he's just sitting defeated against the wall? Yah I saw that expression everyday for years. That hits hard.

Okay not trauma related but the doctor saying I remember it all everytime when we've been lead to believe he doesn't like talk about a hell. Talk about good story writing. I've never caught that before!!

The way the doctor looks so tired. Yah that's framilar too. Also the having to be strong as your body gives up you that sure was a thing too.

Okay but literally this episode is so good. I fucking love the doctors dying speech in this it's only one of my favorite episodes of tv ever. Which is in part of why losing it hit me so hard.

hey if the rooms revert how come the shovel has dirt on it and the clues stays and the clothes are drying?? Finally some good old plot holes.

Also where is the food coming from like???

Okay but the sequence of the Shephards boy says is fucking fire

I want to know how long each time lap is

....thinking about how the tardis was left alone for 4.5 billion years.

Okay no because I should have been able to trust the therapist and the doctor should have been able to trust the time dial!! They were tools meant to HELP HEAL TURNED INTO PAIN AND TRUAMA

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here friend, hoping that you are feeling better today and up for what's really mostly salt. I'm not sure I have anything to add to the 911 dissatisfaction discourse (and that its not all over the place) that hasn't been said before and said better, but here's the things that really struck me this episode. First is what feels like a clear intent to replace Buddie with Hen and Buck this season. Let's be clear, i love Hen and Buck together and their dynamuc is not out of nowhere, but i

can't help but feel its not only forced, but being forced to give an excuse not to show Buck with the Diaz boys. Just last season Eddie had his meltdown and the FIRST person Chris called was Buck, who literally dropped everything in his life (including his gf) to take care of them for weeks!! Now they don't hang out anymore, Buck doesn't check in when Eddie stresses about Chris lying or growing up in general?? He's been to therapy, Buck's done his job and that's that. Am I really supposed to buy into that?? I don't know if this is KR's way of minimizing Buddies importance, it feels more like maybe a way to try and make Buck's sperm donor nonsense somehow intersect with Denny asking about his Dad and that leads to something?? Maybe?? I don't know but it's hard to not feel like that makes the entire interaction even more forced, especially since right now it's been mostly a joke and bringing those two things together will be...a choice. Which brings up the point that nothing this season feels like it's setting anything up. I may not be a fan of S5 but at least the highlight, Eddie's breakdown arc, was set up beautifully from the start, as was the Madney issues, and even Bobby's near relapse (even though those last weren't nearly as well executed). Just, what are we supposed go be expecting for the characters?? Nothing that's happened seems in any way connected, it's like KR turned 911 into a sitcom and only occasionally remembers it's a drama. If the big arc this season is for Buck why has it been treated as a joke mostly?? Any cliffhanger we get for the midseason finale won't be nearly as impactful as Eddie quitting last year because it will come out of nowhere. And finally hard agree that the emergencies no longer mean anything. Like the best storyline so far is Eddie dealing with Chris growing up but it doesn't in any way involve his job, I could watch it on any drama on TV!!  

 Sorry to cut out mid rant, i got interrupted by someone expecting me to focus on my assigned tasks (the audacity). Anyway, pretty sure I more or less finished, i just want to see some spark of the old 911. The new dynamics are fun, but to again use our favorite punching bag of a show, it was also nice to see Alex talk to Max at the end of S3, but it made no sense and I'd have 10 times rather seen his limited screentime spent elsewhere. I need 911 to start doing better than RNM!

Hello my friend! I’m still languishing in my sick bed and very much not looking forward to packing, traveling, or sleeping on my brother and SIL’s couch in their overly crowded house for 3 nights while I’m recuperating, but I’m very excited for the wedding so there’s that to look forward to! 

This rant is all 100% spot on and exactly where I’m at right now. I’m not losing all hope, I’m having some fun, I’m laughing, or awwww-ing, but there’s just no gut-punch moments, no edge-of-your-seat moments, no depth, and nothing cohesive tying everything together. You’re so right about the Buck/Hen stuff feeling forced at this point and it’s BECAUSE we’re not getting any Buck/Eddie. Buck talking to Hen when they lost someone made sense because she was the captain on the scene and made the call and they ARE friends and is someone he respects and looks up to for guidance and someone who has all the answers. Him talking to her about the sperm donor thing made sense too as it’s something she’s seen the other side of but it was weird not getting ANYONE else talking with him about it, and the way the show has played it all off as a joke means it dragging out and becoming something bigger is going to be a weird tonal shift, especially since we didn’t get the firefam trying to be cool about it at work but following that scene up with Eddie or Bobby pulling Buck aside to talk about it and it was dropped again this week and likely won’t come up much if at all in the 6a finale unless it’s tied into the Denny stuff but again, they’ve treated it as a joke until now, so it’s going to be a jarring tonal shift if it’s a huge issue suddenly in the finale.

I also agree with where this season is going because like ??? what is anyone doing? Eddie’s dealing with Chris growing up but that’s been a couple of minutes in a few scenes spread over 8 episodes, Chim has nothing outside Maddie and Jee and even most of that has happened off screen (and actually most of THAT is speculation because we’re not even earing about much in canon either and is a lot of guesswork from fans based on the synopsis saying they were doing couples therapy), Maddie had the one thing in 6x05 and that’s been it outside a few scenes with Chim and Jee, Hen’s med school thing wrapped 2 episodes ago, Athena had “her” episode which affected zero things in the rest of the show and she hasn’t had much else besides these few scenes with May this week, Buck is all over the place looking for the right couch one episode, the key to happiness the next (neither of which have been brought up again since those episodes aired), and now this sperm donor thing but he’s not talking with Bobby or Maddie or Eddie or even Chim about anything, and Bobby is apparently finally getting something in the finale in 2 weeks, but it’s about a character that hasn’t come up in the 26 episodes since 4x14 a year and a half ago. Joy.

And I think that’s the issue with the emergencies. Because the episodes themselves aren’t having a clear narrative purpose and there’s no major arcs to move forward, the emergencies are just things happening to people we don’t care about with no weight or barring on anything, and they’re running them longer BECAUSE they aren’t doing anything with the mains on the personal side of things so they need stuff to fill the void.

As for the change in character interactions, if we were getting these “new” dynamics in ADDITION to the old ones I think it would be fine, but we’re not getting anything out of most of these scenes that either a) is revealing something to the audience they haven’t (or *can’t*) tell the person in the regular paring, b) is a shared experience only this new pairing has (Eddie and Chim have SO much potential for deep conversations about Maddie/Shannon/their kids/their dads), or c) would work better with the dynamics we’re used to seeing. You’re so right to bring in the RNM parallel because they did the same kind of thing like having Alex and Max talk but it not actually giving us much and it feeling disjointed because they hadn’t spoken for 3 seasons and also robbed us of scenes we actually wanted to see with characters that made sense. 911 is better than this, or at least it used to be. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

[thekatfuzz]

Job rant

I dream of the day i can give my 2 weeks. This single position has made me the worst mental. I think I have been in a long time. I am constantly feeling frustrated, helpless, depressed, and there are times in the morning where I couldn't even get out of bed to go to work. The main manager of the warehouse gets to disappear for like three weeks, but God forbid I take one day off for a mental health break I get penalized, and if I get too many penalizations it will eventually probably lead to getting fired.  I can't just walk out, because this is a company that I would like to work for in a higher position later in the future, and I also still have to support my rent and myself. But I have been here since August, and I have definitely been here longer than I wanted to call the managers really don't seem to care about us warehouse workers even though they claim to one of them is pretty nice but I feel like she's giving me answers before two things just to get me to stop asking her, when she actually didn't know the answer for just wanted to say something to sound like she didn't know. Another manager to from when I started here I was brave enough to express that I wanted to work somewhere else asked me why, and when I explained to him, he gave me a snarky response like he didn't just ask me to tell him why. On a separate occasion, he gave me the whole "oh, you could talk to me, I'm here for you, I deal with mental health too" and I was like buddy you're the last person I wanna go to talk about those things with. You don't understand what I sent through and I can out rated to tell you that this position is draining me because you asked what exactly was draining me. Also, this past week he just gave us a talk about being one percent lower than our usual accuracy rate, (it was at 97% now its at 96%) and that we needed to be better about making mistakes but he finished that with oh but you guys are all great and doing a good job and I love you.

They also claim to be all about health and safety, but when I kindly asked my manager, if we could wash the shared yellow vests, we wear when we go deliver items in the truck, and she was like yeah sure I'll talk to the Next Door warehouse about that because they have washing machines and you know what? It never got done, no update from her or anything. I'm feeling constantly unappreciated by the higher ups, and even though they might have been in our position before, I feel like they still don't understand how hard it is to be doing what we're doing right now, especially for someone like me who has expressed that I think I would do much better at another location and with problems, waking up early, mental health, etc

There are so many things wrong with this place and just too much to say.



The good news is I have a couple of interviews lined up for the next coming weeks, so hopefully I'll be able to get out soon.

[dontperceive666]

i've felt this bad for so long i'm scared i'm fine.

Every time I feel any type of sadness, my mind plays back the time that somebody I love very much told me that I "find things to be depressed about."

I hear it particularly loudly whenever I might think about trying to talk to somebody.

It's just something I'm thinking about tonight. Because I spent an hour staring at my ceiling in complete silence as the sun set behind my blinds, waiting for my phone to buzz, for someone to talk to me. Waiting to be wanted. I'm trying not to text first anymore because I know I'm too much all at once, I know I get too excited and have a lot to say, and it's never matched so I get ignored or left on read. I'm not entitled to anybody's time or energy, but it's something that makes my chest ache when all I wanna do is talk. I love too hard, I know I do. Or maybe I'm literally just annoying. But that's irrelevant and a paragraph for another time. Or previous entries, because I'm sure as fuck I've had that rant before.

I'm struggling a lot. Every day I have decided against trying to talk to anybody because I truly feel like everything is wrong and nothing is right, at all times, and I dread ever trying to relay that to anybody without them thinking I'm a crybaby, or digging for sympathy, or what the fuck ever.

Every day I have decided against trying to talk about it, because I fear being too much for anyone else and pushing them away.

Every day I have decided against trying to talk about it, because being honest was what cost me my best friend at the end of 2020, and then another best friend in the past few months. The complexity of my stupid fucking head ruins everything for me and I'm a forever ruined human being because of it.

Every day I have decided against trying to talk about it for the same reason I have to stop myself at #3; because I'm saying and being too fucking much, and I'm terrified I'm finding these reasons instead of just having them.

When I'm depressed, sometimes all I've fucking wanted is for somebody to tell me that they understand. In complete terror of sounding like I'm finding reasons... I know that I have gone through a lot. Especially as someone that already does struggle to communicate my problems to people, I do things alone and always have. To be told that, essentially, I want to be depressed was the most invalidating thing I think anybody has ever said to me. I'm resilient, but I'm so easily gaslit, and since then I've spent so much time trying to validate my own depression to myself. Telling myself I'm allowed to have these feelings, even though they never feel rectified anymore; as if it's a choice, and it's like torture.

Am I finding another reason to be depressed by writing this? Is this the same as listing all my "reasons" and reading them back just to think about them a little longer?

I just feel like there isn't a bone in my body that can handle living like this, which is terrifying to even tap out onto the internet because I'm so scared of looking like an attention seeker, wallowing in self pity. If I was an attention seeker it wouldn't take me months of suicidal breakdowns just to tell anyone I'm not okay... I wouldn't come here to hide when I needed to gather some thoughts. Yet, somehow, I manage to convince myself I'm just making a list of reasons, a short story about how terribly depressed I am and how awful my life must be.

People don't really, truly believe you're suicidal until you act on it. People don't grasp the weight of it until it's too late. The truth of the matter is I am suicidal in my day to day life, and sometimes I think I've even convinced myself of that because it's been so long. It sounds something like "you're not suicidal, if you were you'd have done it by now."

I'm terrified every day that I've done nothing but convince myself I feel all of these things. I've told myself I'm suicidal. I've found reasons to be suicidal. It's all an act. I'm okay. I'm a liar. Nothing is anywhere near as bad as I make it out to be.

I wonder how many reasons it will take me to actually kill myself sometimes.

[46inpm]

MLQC Housemates with MC Having Toxic!Father

AU: MC's Dad from the game is her stepfather who later became her adoptive dad so toxic!father is her birth father (I won't disrespect game PaPa) Game Dad is PaPa and Toxic!Father is Dad

TW: Angst, Toxicity, Blood, Asshole Parent

Victor - Red, Lucien - Purple, Gavin - Blue, Kiro - Orange, Shaw - Green, MC (You) - Pink

They were under the impression that your birth dad was the one you took over the company for

They were surprised to find out he was your stepfather that became your adoptive father after your mom passed away but they could tell you saw him as your true father

The few things you mentioned about your birth dad was he's alive, present in your life, and you send him money

"I wonder why Miss Chips doesn't say much about him."

"Probably just aren't as close."

When you told them your dad was coming to visit for a few days and probably staying over the boys were happy to show their hospitality considering this was your dad

They wanted to impress the love of their lives' father

Victor was pissed when he found out the guess room was being used as storage

Mainly Kiro, Shaw, and you had to clean and donate stuff under Victor's supervision since it was mainly your stuff you guys lost your dessert privileges for awhile

Everyone was so busy cleaning the house that they realized later that throughout the process you never spoke highly of your dad and seemed nervous

"I just been busy that's all. I'm totally fine!"

When they first met the guy he seemed to be an okay man, Kiro and you gave him a tour of the house, that's when Kiro realized such awkward tension you kept giving out as you and your dad talked but don't worry Kiro's an amazing talker!

All the boys came home and met your dad they chatted in the living room with a movie playing as the dinner feast was being prepared

You told Victor you would finish the rest of the meal preparation by yourself, he denied but gave in when you smiled at him that you wanted some alone time

The dad seemed to be okay who was tough man inside and out that had a lot of stories to tell and seemed to care about his daughter

Things began going downhill from there

You called everyone to eat and they sat down to enjoy the food as they talked about their day and get to know your dad

They would talk and that's when your dad's behavior became noticeable

He seemed to be "Mr. Know It All" when tried to tell Victor and Gavin on HOW TO DO THEIR OWN JOBS but also passive aggressive comments of him looking down on Kiro's idol profession

Victor made this guy freakin steak and this is how he is repaid by being told how to do his job from a guy who just watches videos on financial

Kiro and you are trying your best to shift the topic and keep the peace

Deeper into dinner your dad begins making jokes throughout about you being about your weight, the way you dress, how you use people

He antagonizes you and your parents a lot

"Hope this one has been growing vertically not horizontally."

"Getting another bite already. What's up, fatty?"

"My daughter doesn't care about me. She just uses me."

That was only a few out of the jokes he told and don't forget the inappropriate ones

Who cares if their jokes if they're antagonizing to someone and just plain mean and also your dad is the biggest one here who's eating the most

Trust me no one is laughing at them and you're trying to play it off but they can tell how hurt you are (can't take a hint that no one likes the "jokes")

"The puddings ready. You can have some right now."

"It's okay. I'm not hungry anymore. I'm going to bed now."

You are really hurting inside as you try walking away fast enough not be seen crying and not even hungry to eat pudding

Everyone is left there eating with this asshole, they just want to get this dinner over with

Gavin hates him more than anybody as not only the way he talks to you but how he's reminded of his own dad

When Shaw makes the same body "joke" to your dad, they have never seen a man get so aggressive so fast before

Once your dad is fed up with Shaw and goes storms off to the guest room is when they clean up fast to go check up on you

"Thanks for ending that dinner, Shaw. If you didn't get him mad, I would have."

"I don't care who he is. Glad that the asshole is gone."

"I can see why Miss Chips doesn't really interact with him much. Why doesn't she say something about it to him?"

"Many children with parents like that feel trapped due to feeling of being indebted to them. She could be acting that way in order to not escalate the situation."

"As much as we don't like the man, we have to be polite for the few days he will be here."

They all go to your room to see you laying down as you blow your runny nose in the dark

Kiro immediately jumps in bed to give you the biggest hug while the others soothe you until you're ready to talk

You mention how he's like this with the antagonizing, rude jokes, and his temper and it being the reason your mom divorced him

Everyones face scrunched with anger as you weren't looking at the thought that this was going on this entire time

For the next few days luckily you've been busy with work to be around him, he was also busy with seeing friends but it still didn't stop his behavior and jokes when no one was around

As much as you wanted to run away from the conversations you couldn't because you were scared of what would happen

It was until one day when Shaw came home before anyone else to hear really loud screaming from a man, he was about to rush to see what was happening until you walked past him

"Welcome home. I'm a-almost done... finishing lunch. Do you want to help out?"

He's never seen you like this with deep red eyes, cheeks tear stained, legs heavily shaking, and snot dripping down

You walked to the kitchen with Shaw trying to convince you to slow down as you weren't in the right state to be cooking

Shaw has never been in a situation like this before so he didn't know what exactly to do, he made the mistake to take his eyes off you to try and call one of the guys

The moment you yelped in pain he immediately dropped the phone, you had tried to cut something but your hands were shaking so much and eyes blurring with tears that you cut your hand pretty badly

Shaw hugged your shaking body tightly as you covered your mouth from sobbing, outside began to pour with rain with heavy thunder

"P-please don't tell my-my dad. Please don't tell him!"

You were carried to the closest bedroom and the farthest from the guest room (Gavin's), Shaw made sure to lock the door

Kiro then Gavin then Lucien came home one by one and immediately panic as they saw a cutting board along with a knife stained with a lot of blood

Shaw ushered everyone into the bedroom and have Lucien properly put what little gauze they had over your deep wound already cleaned with alcohol

Lucien: Please, buy more gauze when you get home. We need it immediately. We're all in Gavin's room.🦋

Victor: What happened? Hardly ever text each other. Almost home, I'll make a quick stop.🕰

When Victor immediately enter Gavin's room, Lucien practically yanked the gauze from his hands to wrap around your hand, it dripping with blood, Gavin wiping away your tears, and Kiro staring at his IPad screen with AirPods in

"What happened?"

"My-My dad got really mad when I-I told him I really didn't like his remarks. That I felt I w-was stepping on eggshells with him-him. He got really mad that I was being se-sensitive and ungrateful, I wasn't try-ing to."

The way you chocked out an explanation as tears poured from your eyes as your hands shook in fear and pain

Victor asked Shaw and Kiro to step outside the door for a moment, he wanted a better explanation

"I came home and heard full on screaming from her dad that I wasn't even close to where they were. That was only the end of the screaming I came home to. MC tried acting as if she was okay and went to continue making lunch. I took my eyes off her for a moment that she cut herself when her hands were shaking. She begged me not to tell that asshole."

"I have security camera footage of the screaming. It's...It's really bad. Miss Chips said that she really didn't want him in her life but was scared this would happen. She said this is common with him."

Kiro's IPad showed the whole incident how you expressing your hurt and discomfort caused your dad to go screaming at you at the top of his lungs as you stood there apologizing and shaking in fear

"FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!"

"I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!!"

The three's blood ran cold at listening to him screaming with you crying in the background

Everyone laid in bed with you as you rant your feelings, past traumas and they're shocked at the things they're hearing

"He once banged on my d-door with all his strength because...because he-he didn't like that I would close the door."

After you confirmed you no longer want your birth dad in your life and fell asleep, the five men stormed over to the guest room where your dad was

Gavin cop knocked banged on the door and believe me how furious they were to see your dad

Victor gave the most intimidating voice he's ever given full of assertion and anger when telling birth dad he needs to pack up because he is no longer welcome in this house or near you

They couldn't believe this man when he threw a tantrum saying it was just an argument...excuse me argument

"Arguments are a disagreement between two individuals. Not one screaming at the other as the individual stands there in fear."

This guy was really not leaving and even trying to get pass them to get to you

Before Gavin or anyone were on the brink of committing assault charge, Kiro used his evol which shocked them as Kiro hardly ever uses his

"I command you. All within my range of control belongs to me. You will now leave this house and never return. Do not contact any of us. You will also cut off all ties with your daughter, forget her contact info and address."

The man immediately packed up all his things in a hurry as he was under Kiro's evol, they could see in his eyes of him forgetting your info and the location of the house

Victor called an Uber to drive the man to be dropped off in the city, as the car drove away they knew you were finally free from the man

During the rain this man should be careful with lightning strikes as it doesn't choose it's victim...or does it?

You could finally feel at peace when deleting his info from your phone and you no longer sent him money

[justwonder113]

Midnight adventures

Matsukawa Issei x f.reader

WARNING: Angst to fluff, Slowburn, friends to lovers, mutual pining, kinda long and decent amount of cursing cuz I have no shame. Both reader and Matsun are kind of dumb.

word count 6.5k

You loved him, you really did, even though he sometimes drove you out of your mind and made you want to bash his head against the wall. And he knew that. He knew what kind of effect he had on you and he was amused by it.  He knew just to push the right buttons, he knew how to rile you up.

You were like an open book to him, so of course he knew you had a crush on him from the start, and you knew that he was aware of your feelings. At first, you were reluctant and refused to admit having the slightest feelings for him, but after some time you accepted the fact and realized that at some point you made your feelings seem obvious. Well, he was your first actual crush, and you were inexperienced.

Your friends would also tease you a lot and at some point, they locked you two together so you could finally confess. It was after their match against shiratorizawa in the third year. That was the day you had your first kiss with him, honestly, you didn't know what happened that night, one moment you were arguing with him because he wanted to leave the team, you were basically yelling how amazing player and teammate he was and the next second you were kissing each other. You expected that after he would confess to you, but he never did. He acted with you like the kiss never happened and that really broke you.

Maybe that is why after all these years you decided to move away, both literally and emotionally. You spent all your high school years waiting for him, waiting for him to make a move, but before you knew it you graduated. You finished school not even holding hands with another boy because you thought he felt the same, you thought that maybe you could be together? But now you realized that it was all load of bullshit. Why did you have to go so far for a person who didn't care about you that much? Why did you have to hold back when he never said no to all the attention he got from girls? You knew that they meant nothing to him and that he only saw them as one-time flings but it still really hurt you. Did you even mean something to him?

You felt mad at yourself, you wasted all these years swooning over someone who didn't return your feelings. But the thing that angered you the most was that you still weren't over him. Your heart would still flutter like crazy whenever you saw him and as much as you hated it he looked better and better every time.  You also hated the fact that you couldn't blame him for all this pain, you couldn't tell that you were heartbroken because he didn't love you, that wasn't much of a reason. You were the silly one here. Why were you even surprised? He knew you for years as friends. He probably only saw you as a friend and considered the kiss as a mistake.

To be honest, he never did anything wrong, he always treated you warmly, and with respect, he liked to piss you off but he never really crossed the line, you couldn't blame him for not loving you. You guys kissed like one time, he probably regretted it and didn't want to hurt your feelings that's why he never brought it up after that. He gave you space. He didn't tell you in your face that he didn't return your feelings, he never broke your heart, you were just the silly one, clinging tightly to that miserable string of hope. You were the weak one for falling for him. It would have been better if he screwed up, if he told you that he could never look at you romantically, maybe it would make you feel a little better, your heart would break but you would get over it? But no destiny said that he had to be perfect.

When you moved away to University you promised yourself that you would start everything from the fresh page, you would work on yourself and no longer be that helpless girl who couldn't even get over her crush. You spent months working on your self-confidence and other issues, you spent countless time getting yourself into shape. Let's say you worked on yourself pretty hard. And it paid off, you had finished university and were about to start your dream job, you had gotten an offer many would dream of, you did everything you wanted, you even got in a few relationships, you should have been satisfied right? Then why didn't feel so? Why was there a feeling of emptiness inside your soul and why was no one able to fill it? It made you furious, after all these years, how could you not move on? Why did you Think about Matsukawa when you kissed other men? Why did you keep comparing everyone to him? What did he even do to deserve a permanent place in your heart? Your heart still kept beating like crazy and it's been what? years? you were in your twenties already, you needed to move on!

You were back in the city to celebrate your friends' victory over his rivals. Oikawa being the flashy person he is decided to throw the biggest party possible and now here you were. You knew you would meet him here, he was his friend as much as you after all, but you didn't expect it to hurt this much. As you said time really had done its job on him, he looked more mature now, he was slightly taller and definitely more muscular, he decided to grow his hair too, you always knew that he would look amazing with slightly longer hair, he had also gotten a few tattoos that were seen through his rolled-up black shirt. Man, did it suit him, the shirt was a bit tight fit and it really complimented his muscular form. The tattoos looked amazing on him and were these rings he was wearing? And piercings! And he had his nails painted black, Really life? He looked like your dream man, thank you very much for nothing!

You knew you would run into him today and you tried to look your best, you knew it was silly but you felt like showing off, but after seeing him you felt kind of self-conscious. You wondered if your dress was a good choice, you chose it as it hugged your curves perfectly and really complimented them but now you were wondering if it was too much. Was your hair alright? You hoped it didn't get frizzy. Oh god, why was everyone staring at you? Your lipstick didn't smudge, right? Even though you were having a war inside your head it simply washed away in an instant as you saw the face of your best friend who was grinning like crazy. You quickly headed to her and engulfed them in a tight hug. God, you missed themso much! You felt lucky just by having them in your life, and they really helped you get through with your issues,they were with you every step of the way and you couldn't be more thankful. If it wasn't for them and your friends you doubted you would be standing here right now. Even though you still felt self-conscious sometimes like now overall you were a pretty confident person who radiated power. Even when you felt weak you managed to look powerful. Maybe this was your resting bitch face? You didn't know. You felt thankful that he didn't notice you he was too busy talking with some woman, typical.

"I missed you so much! Can't believe I'm seeing you after all this time. I really missed you all. And meeting on an occasion like this we just have to celebrate our reunion, I knew Oikawa would beat their asses someday," you grinned proudly. "Okay, I'm getting carried away, I really missed you tho. We have to catch on, let's ditch your them later and have some fun!" You ranted as you occasionally squeezed your best friend who kept chuckling.

"Now now Y/N-chan, you just came back don't go stealing my friends from me!" Oikawa came out of nowhere and snatched your best friend away from you, you pouted but chuckled in the end.

"Can't make promises Flattykawa. And in my defense, I knew them longer." You teased and made a face at him, Oikawa fake gasped and clutched his heart a smile never leaving his face. You missed this idiot and his dramatic shenanigans so bad.

"Again with a nickname! Y/F/N-chan she's being mean!" Your friend only chuckled at Oikawa's childlike behavior and patted his hand.

"She has a point tho." Your friend teased along.

"Betrayed by you too! What else should I expect today?" He whined, you only chuckled and opened your arms.

"I really missed you, you dork! I'm really proud of you," you said sweetly, Oikawa immediately hugged you, you smiled at the familiar warmth, Oikawa has been like an annoying brother to you, you weren't used to not hearing his constant whining and antics even after all these years living apart from them.

"I really missed you too! Nothing's the same without you!" You smiled at Oikawa's warm comment. You were glad they missed you the same way you missed them. You really tried to visit as frequently as you could but it was hard when all of you were covered in work. Out of all third years, Hanamaki and Matsukawa stayed in Japan, you and others left the country for Universities. You felt really emotional, it had been such a long time without them...

"Look at her, hugging Oikawa and Y/f/n-chan first, don't mind me I'm just gonna stand here until you decide to acknowledge me. I thought we had something special Y/n, you're breaking my heart here." You heard a deep voice behind you, you smiled and turned back smirking.

"I would say she has her priorities set right? I mean it's me you are talking about,"Oikawa boasted, Your friend giggled.

"Missed you too Hiro," you grinned as you playfully hit his shoulder then hugged him. It was good to be home.

"Where's my grizzly bear?"  You asked as you searched the crowd for the angry spiky head.

"He's at the bar probably, Oikawa managed to talk his ears out already, he left a minute ago saying "I'm not drunk enough for this shit!" I'm sure he will be happy to see you." Makki smiled and wrapped his hand around your shoulder you smiled and leaned in on his touch. You had missed this so much!

You spent most of the evening chatting with people and having a nice time. Oikawa for sure knew how to throw a party, you even danced with some charming men. You felt uneasy tho, you and Matsukawa made eye contact a few times but none of you even moved to say something, you just smiled at each other awkwardly. Over the night you noticed how many girls approached him, well it wasn't surprising, he was a good looking young man, but you couldn't help but feel a tinge of annoyance on the inside. In the end, you tried your best to be your charming self. You talked to many different men and even danced with more of them, moving your hips passionately along the music. But you felt bored in the end. None of them were interesting, they didn't have a fire you wanted. How long were you going to be like this? Wasn't there someone who could I don't know sweep you off your feet?

Suddenly you felt overwhelmed, the alcohol was starting to kick in and you swayed your hips with a bit more passion, your best friend was next to you, Oikawa had left you two alone to have your time.

"You haven't talked to him right?" As always, Your friend guessed what was bothering you in a second.

"No, and I'm not planning on doing so. If he didn't think I were at least a little bit important than the girls he was talking to then I'm not going to interfere. I have self-respect. He didn't even bother to say hi." You rolled your eyes and chugged another shot, the alcohol mildly burned your throat but you were used to the feeling. You just felt like dancing and maybe even washing your worries away. You wanted to have fun, and you had a reason too, your friend won a gold medal and defeated his rivals! You decided to go and do another shot, getting near the bar, you noticed a familiar spiky head, you smiled and got closer finally sitting next to the buff man.

"Is this seat taken handsome?" You asked seductively, Iwaizumi's shoulders tensed for a second but he relaxed as soon as he saw your grinning face.

"Y/N!" He greeted you with a smile and got up, you were quick to wrap your hand around him.

"Good to see you, daddy." You grinned teasingly, Iwaizumi flushed immediately. You had a habit of teasing him, you often called him daddy because of his aggressive yes, but caring demeanor, and you really enjoyed it when he got flustered. Truth be told you were probably the only person who got away with teasing him without getting punched or kicked.

"God, when will you stop with the dumb nickname? People are going to get a very wrong idea, it's embarrassing," he grumbled and pointed to the bartender by his eyes, who was looking at you from time to time sneakily, he heard you and was shocked, you smirked and gave him a wink, making the boy blush harder. You smiled, as you eyed the boy he was definitely cute.

"I will stop when you won't have an adorable reaction like this," you teased, Iwaizumi only scoffed, but he didn't look mad.

"It's awfully early for you to start drinking, did Oikawa really talk your ears out?" You chuckled, Iwaizumi scoffed again but he looked amused.

"Unfortunately for me yes, I swear to God he never stops talking." You chuckled, it was such an Oikawa thing to do.

"Yeah, I'm glad Oikawa won, I'm sorry for your team but he did work really hard for it and really deserved it." You smiled fondly after noticing Oikawa dancing with your best friend over some cheezy song which probably he had chosen.

"Yeah, I'm glad too. You should have seen him tho, the all smug Oikawa crying nonstop like a baby after he realized he had won, well of course after they left the court, he was like Iwa-chan I did it!" Iwaizumi mimicked Oikawa's crying voice, you giggled. It sounded like Oikawa, "Don't laugh, who do you think had to stop him from crying? "Iwaizumi shuddered as you had a hard time holding your laughter. You had such a good time, you didn't even notice a pair of dark brown eyes observing your giggling form.

"Now all I can see is Oikawa clinging to you like a koala and crying his eyes out."  Iwaizumi only looked at you with an unamused face, making you raise your hands in defeat, the deadly aura didn't go unnoticed by you. Iwaizumi rarely lost his cool around you, but it didn't mean you were immune to his rage. "I'm only kidding, Iwa baby, please don't get mad at me." You lightly pouted as you made puppy dog eyes at him, he only sighed and took another sip from his drink, you smiled and ordered a drink, you visibly relaxed, you didn't feel on edge anymore.

You talked for a while, but unfortunately for you, Iwaizumi had to leave, apparently drunk Oikawa was somewhere causing some trouble. You found it suspicious that was too much even for Oikawa but you didn't question it. Iwaiizumi only grumbled in annoyance and left, being used to all this stuff. You, on the other hand, Made small talk with the cute bartender, he was really good looking and surprisingly very charming and smooth. You were quite drunk already and you were feeling needy, so now here you were making out with him in some empty hallway. He was a good kisser, but you still didn't feel any spark. You wanted to feel the same tingling sensation as the one you felt when you had your first kiss with Issei. The situation was not at all romantic as you said, Oikawa and others locked you in the lockers, to make up after you had a little fight. You bickered at each other for a while, well it was you who was really arguing, you were really mad at him because he was bringing himself down and planned on leaving the team, and you were trying to get to his scull how amazing he actually was and soon your lips were against each other and it felt like the most magical feeling in the whole world. You had never felt anything like that when you kissed others and today was no exception, unfortunately for you. You tried to take the lead in the kiss maybe to make it feel more enjoyable for you but before you could even try, a hand made the man separate from you. You opened your eyes to see Issei, who didn't have a very pleased expression.

"I have business with Y/N, so I don't know, get lost?" Issei said without any emotion. You looked at him dumbfounded. He didn't even bother saying hi earlier, what business would he have with you? The boy, Souma was it? Looked at you two before speaking.

"Dude what the hell we were busy!" He groaned as he glared at Issei, who didn't seem really fazed.

"Do I really look like I care?" Matsukawa asked plainly, You took the chance to straighten up.

"Listen here you little..." Souma stopped before he would go on, as he felt chills run down his spine under Matsukawa's cold glare. You sighed and straightened up.

"I guess it's pretty important, I will contact you later ok?" You asked sweetly, but you both knew you weren't going to contact him. You didn't even have his number and you hadn't given him yours. Souma grumbled and left leaving you with Issei.

As soon as he left you were quick to smack Issei's arm. "Dude, what the fuck?" He only looked at you, grabbed your arm, and led you through the hallway. "What's with the cockblocking? He didn't seem too bad."

"I didn't like him." He said like it was the most obvious thing. It made you feel mad.

"Oh sorry, next time I will choose someone you might like, for future references what type of boys are you into?" You snarled lightly. You wanted to break free from his grasp but it was too strong. Soon your back made contact with the cold wall, and you were caged between Issei's strong arms. You tried to protest but before you could even say a word his lips were on you. You didn't know how to act, your whole body went stiff but after a second you felt your body relaxing.

"God, you're beautiful." He said as he kissed you again, his big hands snaking around your waist. You were speechless, you didn't really realize what was going on. But your body felt like it was on fire. His lips kept brushing against yours just perfectly, your skin was burning hot under his touch. Your heart was beating like crazy, you only managed to whimper against him and he took this as a chance to deepen the kiss. You tried to keep up but it was physically impossible. His kiss was deep and passionate, kind of possessive too. You could feel all his lust through it. You moaned lightly, unable to control yourself. You put your hands on his chest, you could even feel his strong yet fast heartbeat, you pushed lightly, Issei took the hint and leaned back. He stared at you, admiring your beautiful form, you looked so pretty all flustered and breathless, he had wanted to do this for such a long time, for the whole night you had basically been teasing him and his patience was running thin.

"What came over you. I..." You didn't know what to say, you were so confused.

"Do you remember our random sneak outs in highschool?" How could you forget, you just lived for the tiny adventures you, Makki and he used to have at three am. Sometimes when Hiro didn't feel like coming, you would go with him instead. Eating ice cream or random junk food at three am on your special spot, you lived for it. Sometimes you didn't even talk for a whole night but still felt so comfortable. Your chest tightened again at the memory. But why bring it up now? This didn't explain all the raging questions you had.

You nodded your head quietly, looking at him through glossy eyes. "I do. Why?" Your voice was so weak it made you cringe. You didn't know, what was this about? Why bring it up now.

"Would you go on an adventure with me? I know it's Oikawa's special day, but Y/N I... We both know that we need to talk." You looked up at him with wide eyes, you had never seen him like this, he looked so serious and desperate too? Despite feeling all furious and all you nodded and let him lead you through the crowd and to his car.

"I will text him, he might get worried. But what should I say? Where are we even going? We're in Tokyo, don't tell me we're going to Miyagi!" You asked as you sat down in his car, you were confused, all this stuff was confusing you.

"No, I don't plan to take you to Miyagi, I was thinking of ordering a shit ton of junk food via drive-in and then taking you to the place I found earlier. Don't worry I'm sure you will like it." Issei assured you as he got in his car, started the engine, and started driving.

"Are you really trying to get on my good side via food? I'm really mad it's not going to be that easy." You furrowed your eyebrows, Issei huffed a laugh.

"Maybe I am? We both know that you will sell your soul to satan for a bag of doritos! If I keep your mouth busy while I tell you something at least I won't have to worry about you biting my head off," Issei pointed out like it was the most obvious argument while smirking proudly, you scoffed.

"I will hit you so hard after you stop the car, I'm not doing it now because I value my life. And besides, it's not about whether or not I will like the place. It can be next to a strip bar or some abandoned place, what's important is that you will say and you know that." You said as a matter of fact and turned away from him, looking through the window.

"I know." He sighed after a second, the atmosphere was heavy, opposite of what you were used to. You started liking Mattsun because things were easy with him and that it was full adventures, but now... You had to calculate everything you said, how you moved, how you looked at him, and stuff. When did it become so painful to be in the same space as him? And the stuff he wanted to tell you terrified you. What if he admitted that he never saw you seriously? That he only felt desire for you at some doing and nothing else. You didn't even know what made him act up today, did he have at least the slightest feelings for you or did he just found desirable in that tight dress? Maybe he just didn't like the face another man tried to take you away. Either way, anxiety was eating you from the inside. Your heart kept beating rapidly and your fingers actually hurt from playing too hard with them.

You were so lost in your thoughts you didn't even notice how he ordered and got the food. You only came back to reality only when he opened your door gently took your hand in his big one. "We're here." He helped you get out of it. The cold air immediately hit you, making you shiver slightly. "Here take this." He said as he put his jacket on your shoulders, it was so big you were basically swimming in it but on the contrary, it was really warm and soft and it smelled like him! Just perfect, you immediately snuggled in. Mattsun then took the food package from the backseat. He quickly locked the car and led you through again. You were now in front of a big clearly abandoned building, you hesitated for a second and tightened your grip around his hand, Issei looked at you, carefully examining your face."Are you feeling scared? I promise it's a safe place, I have been here. You still like exploring weird buildings like this right?" He teased lightly, squeezing back your hand. You only pouted.

"I do like exploring buildings like this, but when I said abandoned building I was joking you know that right? I like these kinds of places but not in dresses like this and especially not in high heels. I like being prepared to run from my life if there's a huge creep or some sort of monster, I don't know! And I haven't done something like that for such a long time, and we're not in Miyagi too, everything's new here!" You said as a matter of fact while playing with your hair, Issei only chuckled. You felt nervous. Before you could even comprehend what was happening Issei had already picked you over his shoulder. You felt like a sack of potatoes.

"Oh my god, Matsun what are you doing? Put me down!" You tried squirming away at the same time you clutched his shirt too afraid to fall. He started laughing, you felt vibrations through his back, you couldn't help but smile, you liked when he laughed.

"No way, I like carrying you and I have the best view too so no way princess."You could tell he was grinning while looking at your ass and it made you mumble in annoyance. You gasped when he spanked your bottom lightly, you smacked his back in response. "Do you like the view?"

"Shut up!" You whined, which made him chuckle harder. "Put me down, my dress is short!" You started wiggling again, but he had a death grip on you. You could feel the blood rushing to your face and at this point, you were not sure if it was from embarrassment, just having your head low and blood rushing to your head or just anger.

After a minute of him walking and you admiring his ass, he finally put you down. You looked around, the building was empty, there was no furniture and some of the walls were covered in graffiti. Other than that you enjoyed the place, it had a certain vibe to it. You wandered for a second, exploring the room. When you turned around you didn't see him, you walked around and eventually came out on the huge veranda. The sight made you gasp, Issei had laid the blankets on the floor and taken out the food, it looked so cozy! There were some pillows too. It was just like a little picnic, the dim streetlights also shone nicely with some fairy lights there and there and the sight in front of you of the night city was magnificent. Everything looked so simple yet so perfect.

"Okay, stop or I might have to actually marry you." You pointed at everything dramatically, you couldn't contain your smile. Everything looked like the pics you have seen on social media or in the movies. Issei smiled at you softly, you looked so cute all excited like that. His jacket really suited you too, you looked so perfect.

"I knew you would like this. I'm glad you actually agreed to come." He smiled and patted space next to him, you sighed and sat carefully, holding down your dress, it was short at it was you didn't want it to slide up too much.

"You knew I wouldn't refuse such tempting request, didn't you? I always liked our little adventures," you smiled fondly, recalling sweet high school memories.

You spent few minutes in silence watching the city, eating there and there, but it wasn't uncomfortable like before, your anxiety had calmed down a little too. You just sat there and enjoyed the moment. You didn't even notice when he took your hand but you didn't bother to take it back. You wished you could stay like this forever but you also knew it was wrong. You had to ask the question, even if hearing it could destroy you. You both knew that.

"Matsu, why did you kiss me earlier? I'm trying to understand what's going on between us but now I'm especially confused. Why did you do it? I thought you didn't like me," You were talking quietly, but in reality, it was really hard for you to contain your sea of emotions. Issei tightened his grip on your delicate fingers, neither of you bothered to look at each other in the eyes. He took a deep breath and started talking quietly.

"I don't know myself. I thought I had let go of you, I thought I was over you, but when I saw you again all feelings came crashing down on me again. You looked so breathtaking, I fell in love with you all over again. So pretty and all dolled up and this dress. God this dress, hugs you so perfectly on all the places I want to touch, I actually feel jealous of it. I want to rip it off and have you all to myself and never let go. I don't want to let go now that I tasted your lips again." He spoke lowly, his voice was raspy and it sent chills down your spine. " You are the most beautiful person here you know that right? You are probably the most beautiful person in the whole city, I think even in whole Japan or better the world!" Matsun kept going on and on setting your heart ablaze. You were mad, but at the same time, you were so at ease and felt so at comfort. It was like your mind and heart were battling each other and you had no idea which would win.

"I'm still really mad at you." You grumbled against his chest, Issei hummed and wrapped his hands tighter around your waist.

"I know and you have every right to." Issei hummed and pecked your hair, he then grabbed your chin lightly and made you look at him. "I'm really sorry Y/N, all I have been doing is to cause you pain. It was never my intention. I love you, god, I love you so much! I know you will be better without me. You can find so many who are way better than I am and would treat you like you really deserve. And I thought I came around with the fact that I wouldn't be the one to have you in the end. I always knew that. That's why I never made any kind of move on you. When you entered the party you looked like a different person. You were the most beautiful person I have ever met, you looked so confident and comfortable in your own skin and most of all you looked so happy! I didn't want to come to you and ruin it. I felt so proud too, you achieved so many things! God, you don't know how proud I am to even know you!" Matsun kept going on and on, you haven't even heard him talk this much in a row, he was always a man of few words. He looked so desperate too, and the way his voice broke, killed you too. You had known him for years but you still never had seen him like this. Honestly, You had no idea what to do. You wanted to yell at him and comfort him at the same time. You tightened your grip around his hand, your knuckles were starting to whiten but you didn't care. You wanted for him to know you were listening, that you were there.

"Matsun, I..." You tried to start but he interrupted you.

"Please let me finish." The tone of his broken voice immediately made you shut up. "I know it was my own choice to let you go, and I really thought I was fine with that but when I saw you... When I saw you something like snapped in me. I tried to take my mind away, I kept talking to this women to keep my mind off of you, but how can I pay any attention to these peasants when a literal goddess has taken over my heart? And when I saw you kissing that asshole I almost went feral! I would have murdered him if I had a chance. He was touching the one I basically find sacred so disrespectfully, I almost lost my mind. Then I got you to myself I couldn't help but kiss you. Your lips always look so welcoming I couldn't help myself. And I want to do it again and again. I don't ever want to let go. I miss you like crazy! I don't know if I can be apart from you again. I... God, I sound so pathetic, I don't even understand what's happening with me. I covered this place with blankets and stuff you love because I hoped you would come to another adventure with me. Funny thing is that I wasn't even planning on asking, I don't know how we ended up here. I thought I would end up coming here all alone, wallowing myself in self-pity again. I know I don't deserve it, and I know that everything's my fault and my fault only and I would understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me, but could you give me another chance? I don't think I can last any more minute without you. I miss you so much it actually hurts."

Matsukawa looked at you with pleading eyes, and before you could even comprehend what was happening, you were getting in his lap and were kissing him like there was no tomorrow. He was startled for a second, he clearly didn't expect you to have a reaction like this but he wasn't against it at all. In fact, in a second, he was the one taking the lead and deepening the kiss. His hands digging in your hair while you slid yours through his hair. He would have continued doing so before you leaned back and broke the kiss. He looked at you half dazed. You were quick to bring him back to his senses when you harshly smacked his head.

"That hurts!" He complained, which made you more fueled up and now you punched his shoulder.

"That's the point of hitting! I want it to hurt you asshole!" You yelled. "You know you're a huge fucking idiot right? What's with this bullshit about not being worthy to be next to me? If I didn't think your ass was worthy I wouldn't have fallen in love with you! My taste in men may not be that great but I'm not stupid! I appreciate that you're thinking about my happiness or whatever, even though it's totally uncalled for, and thank me for not beating your ass further! But I get to decide what's good for me and what's not. To your surprise genius, that comes to dating too! I get to decide whom I want to date and fall in love with and in this case, it happens to be you, fuck it always has been you! I had some partners but I didn't love any of them, cause your caterpillar brow ass has managed and captured my heart, I always come to compare them to you, and guess what they're not you! God, you can be so stupid for someone who is supposed to be smart! I'm really disappointed Matsun and mad too! I want to beat your ass even further! God, how did you even manage to come up with this bullshit? I swear to god!" You kept grumbling while messing with Issei who looked like he was still in shock, his cheeks were dusted pink and you couldn't help but squeal on the inside from how cute you found it. You made Issei blush! That was an achievement for sure and such an adorable one too! But you couldn't back down now, you felt actually mad that he had such dumb thoughts like this, but on the other hand, you found it very endearing and cute. He was trying to protect you! And by the looks of it, he was hurting just as much as you. But the fact remained the same, he loved you. Your dream came true, he shared the same feelings! You felt so happy, you wanted to kiss his face till your lips fell off.

"You know you don't have to straight ass roast me right?" Issei tried to look offended but he was having a hard time hiding his grin, you smiled and pinched his cheek making him roll his eyes.

"Oh baby, I'm not even started. What did you think I was going to forget everything? And don't be mislead Makki can't even come close to me when it comes to teasing. You're in for a ride sweetheart, teasing is only just begging, maybe if you find a few ways to shut me up, and you know what I mean, I could keep quiet for a while, you could atone for your stupid ass mistakes with many kisses for starters. I don't know Matsu get creative. The point is you're stuck with me and you can't even run from me now you got it? No more bullshit like I don't deserve you and stuff like that," You said as slowly and as seductively as you could having your face close to his and occasionally brushing your lips against his. Still being in his lap gave you the perfect leverage and you just loved the way he was tightly holding your hips, to keep your bodies close. You felt complete after such a long time...

The hurt and all the emotions didn't wash away immediately obviously, you knew that your wounds would take time to heal, but now at least you knew Issei would be next to you through the journey and that was enough. You knew that now, that you had talked things through, maybe yelled from your side but still, you knew that you could overcome many things together. You just needed to voice your thoughts out.

"Wasn't even planning on it baby," he growled while he closed the distance between your lips again making you squeal a little. Yup, you just loved your little midnight adventures.

God, I can't believe I actually wrote over 6500+words. No wonder my eyes hurt like a bitch lol. Anyway, I really hope you will like it. If you have any kind of feedback please notify me. I'll gladly take some healthy criticism. I really want to improve my writing and I promise I will do my best. This is a firts work I have ever published on tumblr and I really hope you will like it^^

[zutaraplatter]

Avatar: The Last Airbender Critique

There are already a million of posts like this one, and I might be saying things that’ve already been said a million times but I’ve recently become reheated about the ATLA ending and wanted to let it out -_- No one asked, this is true, and this may or may not be a way to stall from this final project I still have to complete, but here’s 10 things I didn't like and/or would change about the show that likely shouldn’t need changing because they should have been done in the first place.

1. Katara should have apologized to Sokka after TSR

It should have happened and it didn't. In my canon-avoiding mind, Katara and Sokka have a heartfelt conversation where she apologizes for the awful things she said, Sokka says he forgives her and he's sorry if he wasn't as there for her as much as he should have been, which he follows up with "but I'm happy you listened to Aang and took his advice," leading into my next point

2. Katara should have said that not killing Yon Rha was her choice

And thats why it was the right one. Not because Aang already said it was wrong. No no. It was the right choice because that's what she chose. I love my mom to death and can't imagine losing her in any way, let alone the way Katara did. And I can't say for sure that if I was in her shoes that I know what I would have done f that yes I do I would have killed that motherfucker. But I also know that if Katara decided not to kill him, then that was one of two correct choices because they were Katara's choices to make. Not Aang's or anyone else's and this should have been clarified. I know it's a kids show but I said what I said. Next point.

3. Katara should have said more after telling Aang she was unsure at the Ember Island Players

Katara hasn't had any trouble saying how she feels, especially when it comes to helping others and making them feel better, whether she was right or wrong. But she holds back or overly softens blows and seems to even shrivel up at times when it comes to Aang. And me no likey. I had a boyfriend who I adored and admired and just genuinely looked up to. I'm also a shy and anxious person who hates confrontation, but because I loved him, I never refrained from telling him when he was wrong. I might have been a little shaky about it but I did it tho because when you want to be with someone you walk through the grass and stomp through the mud. And I personally feel like either in that moment or later on in an added scene that Katara should have voiced to Aang how unheard and disrespected she felt about his words before TSR and his actions on the balcony. I hate being uncomfortable and my secondhand embarrassment is toxic but I would love to see a scene of this. I always imagined Katara saying stuff like "But I'm not you Aang, and I'm not an Air Nomad," or "Zuko could understand why I needed to go, and I'd hoped you would too," or...I'm out of ideas but you get the idea. And you know what, I know I'm a hard Zutara shipper, but them having this conversation would honestly make me respect their relationship a whole lot more should it be believably written to end on a good note (I don't see how it could be but hey I'm an open minded person and I did think they were cute together once upon a time). Basically, all I'm saying is that Katara is no small voice and she should have been written that way when with Aang. Boyfriends can make you shy but should never make you weak. Period. Next point.

4. No rock! ONLY GROWTH!!!!!!!!!!!

I still squint my eyes whenever I remember that rock that unblocked Aang's chakra. What even was that? The laziest writing possible in my opinion. That's what. And Aang deserved better. What should have happened should have been that Aang started to lose to Ozai. And then as Ozai's about to deliver the finishing blow, Aang has flashbacks of everyone he's trying to save and honor, ending with a very prominent flashback of Katara with the guru's disembodied voice reminding Aang to let go of his attachments to become all he needs to be...then BOOM! Baby boy is back on his feet, chakra unblocked, he kicks Ozai's ass, I'm crying hysterically on the floor, as are the rest of us, and he wins. Then at the end of the series, instead of a kiss, he gives Katara an apology. She accepts, everyone else comes to join them on the balcony, cinematic group hug, camera pan into the sun. I don't know lol. Basically what I'm saying is that Aang did not deserve some deus ex machina. He deserved to grow and become his best self like everyone else got to.

5. Aang should have heard differently in The Storm

Katara is a very fate-minded person and this is when I saw potential for her to become a toxic character in regards to Aang. When he admits that he ran away from home 100 years ago, Katara tells him that that was basically a good thing because he was meant to be here and now. Like...no? What Aang did, though understandable for someone so young, was still wrong. Yes he would have maybe been killed but I'm like 10000000% sure they had a plan to protect and evacuate the literal avatar. And what was technically "meant to be" was a new avatar. But hey, what's done is done and kicking Aang while he's down is a no-no in this household. But that doesn't change the fact that Aang needed and deserved honesty. Maybe the fisherman could have said this, I don't know, but I feel like Aang should have been told by someone that although running away was wrong, it's a blessing he and Appa were able to survive and be able to help save the world now with his amazing friends found-family. Maybe this is too harsh, and maybe even outright wrong, but I felt like Aang deserved a truer answer here to support and comfort him.

6. MAILEE!!!!

Do I even need to go into detail?

7. Spiritual sigh*

Don't make me go into detail -_- I will say though that although Aang and Katara are both amazing individuals capable of earth shattering things, they were not a healthy fit for one another. This is evident in the original series and especially in their children from LOK. They both deserved the best but better than one another.

8. ZUTARAAAAAAA

This is a Zutara blog you KNEW this was coming, as it should. There's just too much. There's too damn much. I would give a real paragraph to this too, but, I mean, there's already so much proving that this was the pair. Fics, metas, rants, this site. Scroll through my blog or any of the ATLA related blogs I follow and...dude. These two were meant to be together and I'll mourn the narrative brilliance WASTED for no good reason every day for the rest of my life. No reason these two shouldn't be married with three kids. sob. I will take this part to say thank you to the amazing fic writers that gave Katara, Zuko, Mai, and Aang what they deserved that the writers didn't have the guts to give them themselves. Next point tho.

9. AANG AND ONJI

Good God almighty. Why not this? WHY NOT THIS? I'm putting on my bullet proof vest and I'm going to say this; Aanji is cuter than Zutara. Now before you scorn me or whatever, let me explain. Zutara for me is like steak. No. Chicken parmesan. I like chicken parmesan better. The point though is that Zutara is savory. You know? I don't see them as cute, I see them as Obviously. Aanji on the other hand is like a bag of my favorite candy. They are like a brownie. A cookie. Girl Scout Samoas!...I don't know what words are anymore. This post got way out of hand. I guess what I'm saying is that for Zutara, I scream, but for Aanji, I squeal. I hope that makes sense. But here's the main point I want to make. Onji never knew who Aang really was. And Aang was always, at his core, himself. She very obviously had a crush on Aang for his personality and that was crazy cute and frankly preferable to Katara's "I...guess he is." (you know exactly what I'm talking about) Anyway, I kept wanting more of them together. I wish all the time that we'd gotten to see her again, with a more fleshed out character and all. And in the way that I imagine the show should have gone, she could have been the perfect love interest for Aang, during this episode or way later, even in the comics! Another WASTED opportunity for greatness and I will, again, never recover T-T

10. Iroh get your ass back here

Maybe this is a misguided critique but I hated that Iroh just left Zuko alone in the fire nation at the end of the series. Baby was in trouble in every sense of the word and Iroh was just like "See ya! You got this nephew." I'm expected to believe that? I'm expected to accept that? No no no. He should have at least stayed for a few years to help Zuko stay upright and, you know, alive. And by "upright" I don't mean "good." I just mean been there to support him because Lord knows he needed it, at least in the beginning of his reign. It was cute that Iroh was able to settle down with his own teashop after all those years of violence and mourning and running and this and that. I was more than happy for him for being able to have that peace finally. But I still think it could have waited a little while longer so he could support Zuko.

That's it I guess. I know not everything I've said makes the most sense in one way or another, but I enjoyed putting it together all the same. Thank you for reading and have a great day. I'll go finish my final now.

(Edited for a typo)

[peterrparrkerr]

Trans character - read on ao3

Okay so this was somewhat depressing to write because its so fresh. I kind of took my own coming out story to my mom and copy and pasted it with Tony and Peter. (What aunt May tells Peter is almost word for word for what my mom told me) it was kind of therapeutic to write honestly, but anyway here you guys go!

I wrote this in Tony's POV instead of Peter's because I wanted to write the switch. You know, where Tony no longer thinks of Peter as a he, but as a they. I really liked how it came out.

Also if anyone comes at me saying non-binary isn't transgender I will throw hands.

*-*

Its hard to say what exactly is wrong with Peter when he first walks into the lab after a long holiday weekend.

He smiles the same, walks the same, even makes the same quips and terrible jokes. But there's something off about him that has Tony glancing at him a little longer than necessary when the teenager isn't looking.

"You alright, kid?" He had asked, casually when the silence between jokes grew a little too expansive.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Peter had responded, waving a hand in Tony's general direction before getting back to work.

Tony hadnt pressed the issue. He must be tired. He doesn't press for the whole afternoon he's with Peter.

But he comes back with that same offness to him the next day, holding the strap of his bag the same as he's done before.

It takes Tony half the day to figure out what's wrong -well, not whats wrong, but that he's upset. Trying desperately to hide it.

"Lets take a break," Tony said, setting his tools down. Peter's head snaps up to meet his eyes, his own wide with surprise. Tony never offers to take a break when in the lab.

"Uh, are-are you sure?" Peter asked, hesitantly setting his own tools down. "I'm not finished-"

"We'll get back to it, I'm hungry."

So Peter follows him up the stairs and into the kitchen. He sits on a stool at the island while Tony putters around the kitchen, getting stuff around for sandwiches.

Tony pretends to put all his attention on making sandwiches, but he sneaks glances at Peter, noting his somewhat drooping shoulders.

He picks at the counter top with a slight frown. He's chewing on the inside of his cheek.

Tony finishes the sandwiches and claps once, jolting the kid. "Done!" He says, watching as Peter immediately changes his features.

The smile is back, wide as ever, eyes glittering and shoulders raising.

"What kind of chips do you want?" Tony asks, instead of asking what he really wants to.

"Uh, plain is fine," Peter said, still scratching his forefinger against the granite.

They both sit across from each other at the island, eating silently. Tony waits until Peter's got most of his food eaten before he decides to start pressing.

"Whats got you down?"

Peter blinks at him, caught off guard. "Huh?"

"You've been off for the last two days. I can tell you're upset about something."

"You can tell?" Peter asked, sounding even more upset. Tony sighs, shoving his empty plate to the side so he can fold his arms on the counter, leaning forward a little.

"I may come across as uncaring at times, or oblivious," he confesses. "But I notice when it counts. And something is bothering you."

And just like that, Peter's walls crumble. Its depressing, honestly, that all it takes is someone taking notice for Peter to break.

"I came out to my aunt this weekend," he said, looking down at his finger, still picking away at Tony's kitchen counter.

"It didn't go well, I take it," Tony sighed. Peter instantly looked up, eyes wide.

"No, no i-it went good," Peter said, shaking his head.

"Then why are you so upset?"

Peter's shoulders sag once again, and he slouches closer to the counter.

"I don't know," he confessed sullenly.

"Is she not supportive of you being gay?"

"Uh, I didn't come out to her as gay," Peter corrected. "I mean, I don't know if I'm gay or not. I'm still- still trying to figure it out."

"Thats alright," Tony said. "Its okay not to know right away."

Peter gives him a small smile.

"But you gotta give me something, kid. Tell me what happened."

Peter lets out a long sigh. One Tony's made many times before.

"I came out as non-binary," Peter said, eyes never leaving the counter. "I've already come out to my friends, and they support me, but, uh, I didn't like lying to Aunt May. I already have to hide the fact that I'm spiderman, I didn't want to hide anything else from her."

Tony stays quiet, nodding along. Peter's gotta tell him more, and Tony doesn't want to ask a question and drop the ball.

"She- she wasn't upset when I told her," Peter continued. "She said she'd always love me, which-which was what I needed to hear," Peter continued. "I thought she'd kick me out or send me to some conversion camp, or just- I don't know, tell me I was wrong."

"But she didn't," Tony said. Peter shook his head, seeming to slouch even closer to the counter.

"No," Peter said softly. "She- she said she wasn't mad, and that what I was feeling was okay, but. But she said she wasn't going to use my pronouns, and that she was going to continue calling me her nephew -which is fine, there's not really a gender neutral term for it- but she- she just, doesn't want to switch how she thinks of me, and- and that kind of sucks."

"That does. I'm sorry, kid," Tony sighed. There's a moment of silence shared between them while Tony processes a little. "What pronouns are you using?"

Peter glances up at him. "Uh, they/them," he said. "But, uh, you don't have to, you know. Use them," he added lamely.

Tony shakes his head. "They're your pronouns, Peter. Of course I'll use them."

Tony watches as Peter blushes, dropping their eyes to the counter once more.

"Do you have a preferred name?" Tony asked again.

"Uh, no not really," Peter shrugged, looking up again. "I like Peter."

Tony nods, smiling at them encouragingly. "If you ever decide your birth name doesn't fit you, I'll call you whatever you want."

Tony must say the right thing because Peter lights up like a Christmas tree. They climb off the stool and rushes around the island.

Tony turns in his chair just in time for the teenager to crash into him, hugging him tight.

"I'm sorry about your aunt, kiddo," Tony sighs against the top of Peter's head.

"Its okay," they said, voice muffled in Tony's shirt. "She was just- raised differently."

Tony shook his head, tightening his hold on Peter. "Its not okay, Pete. We were born in the same generation. Its not about being raised a certain way, its about her mindset."

Peter pulls back a little, looking up at Tony. "I just- I'm okay with her just knowing," they said softly. "It made me feel better to tell her, but- but I respect her enough not to- not to force her to use my pronouns. Its just- I can compromise."

That gets Tony really scowling.

"Kid," he sighed. "Listen, respect is a two way street, and thats not respect. She should have respect for you enough to accept you."

"She does," Peter said, eyes widening.

"She doesn't," Tony countered. "If she accepted you, she'd use your pronouns no problem. She may still love you, and she probably won't think of you any differently, but refusing to use your preferred pronouns is disrespectful."

Peter looks torn, and Tony smooths his features, trying not to show his anger towards Peter's aunt.

He pulls Peter back into his chest, and they go willingly, tucking their head under Tony's chin.

"I'm sorry about your aunt," Tony repeated, holding the teenager tight.

This time, Peter only nods, hugging Tony back just as tightly.

The rest of the week, Tony notices Peter's mood changing. Its a slow change, starting out with disappointment, and working its way to acceptance.

They're still not happy about coming out to their aunt, but Tony thinks talking with them seemed to help a lot.

Peter decides to turn their focus on other things. On his friends, on the avengers, on Tony and the project they're working on together.

It doesn't make the problem with their aunt go away, but it helps. Tony knows when they're old enough to move out, life will be much easier on them. They'll be able to express themselves completely in their own home -not just with their friends.

But until then, Tony thinks Peter's okay with the slight crack in the foundation of their relationship.

All Tony can do is be there for the kid, let them rant about their feelings and offer a room for them when they need time away. He wishes things were different for Peter, but they've both accepted that its not.

[poppysmc]

I Don't Know How You Do It But I'm Forever Ruined

Notes: This has been sitting in my drafts for so so long, unfinished with a different song and Im just obsessed with this song right now so I thought I'd go ahead and post it.. sorry for the mistakes I don't have a beta so they're all mine. I'm just slowly getting back to writing again, please be patient with me. ❤️

Song: Off my face - Justin Bieber

(One shot)

Last and certainly not the least…. Ms. Morgan Hughes, she’ll be gracing us with her angelic voice, singing… uhh… Off my face? Thomas reads the cue cards, slightly puzzled, he thought Morgan would be doing stand-up, he and Morgan’s posse endured long nights of practicing her stand-up routine and now she’s just gonna sing, it’s not even vetted on.

He glances to the side, silently confirming if it was right. Morgan nods and smiles nervously. He in turn smiles back, giving an encouraging thumbs up and a whisper of ‘good luck’ as she takes to the stage.

Some of the audience chuckled at the name choice, adding to the ever growing lump lodged in her throat. This is definitely not her best idea and before she could go ranting about the title, some of her friends clapped and cheered, giving her a slight boost of confidence.

She wrote thet a few months ago, absently plucking at the guitar strings. She’s got the same few chords stuck in her head for week. Only god knows how she pulled the lyrics out of her muddled brain.

How does one go about sharing her feelings for someone who has no idea? Said someone sitting front and center with a scowl, sitting next to her parents. She has no idea she wrote it for her, she sighs in relief.

For a split second she could see Poppy’s attention snap up to her, smirking and raising her eyebrow in question. Morgan rolls her eyes at her and settled into her chair and just like Poppy’s face never moved, her scowl was back in place, listening to Chloe rant about her talent to her right.

She starts plucking out the intro, it’s now or never.

One touch and you got me stoned

Higher than I’ve ever known

You call the shots and I’ll follow

Sunrise but the night’s still young

No words but we’re speaking tongues

If you let me I might say too much

Sometimes people just enter your life and burrow themselves so deep into it that for the life of you, you couldn't remember when it all started. This case was different, Morgan could vividly remember a day it all changed, how it became harder for her to even look Poppy in the eye for more than a few seconds. How her warm touch roughly pulling her back to the argument now seemed to burn through her sleeves, pressure slightly softer. She used to meet her hot gaze, faces only inches apart spitting out vicious insults without thinking much, now she didn’t have the same fire in her veins she seemed to have arguing with Poppy.

The need to antagonize her fizzled into something else, a warmth that threatens to overtake her made itself a home in her chest.

---------------

Morgan wanted to stay home, as much as she enjoyed parties, it wasn’t something she wanted to do regularly. Sometimes it gets a little too much to handle, the music felt too loud, the people got too close, the eyes on her felt stifling. She wanted to be free just this one night out of expectant looks but Zoey is too convincing, her puppy dog eyes are too powerful for a mere mortal like herself. She made a condition to just be at the party no over the top expensive clothes, just herself.

“I’ll come but just to be your glorified chauffer.” She dresses herself in something simple, a pair of black pants and flannel. “I just want to be invisible this one night, Zo.”

“Fine by me, but if your fashion choices end up splashed all over The T tomorrow don’t come crying to me.” Zoey shakes her head, the slight dig on her wardrobe is softened by a thankful grin.

“You get dragged on The T once, and no one lets you live it down.”

“Because I’m pretty certain I said don’t go out in that, it’s suicide. So yeah I would never let it go, you wore socks with your flip-flops and had the audacity to show yourself in public.”

“It’s not even my fault, sunny ran out the door. I had no time to check what I was wearing."

“You’ll never learn. Whatever will you do without me?” Zoey smirks and shakes her head affectionately. "Stop stalling and let’s go. My carriage awaits dear chauffer.”

“Yeah, yeah. Please allow me to escort you down, boss.” Morgan bumps her shoulders with Zoey as she passes by to grab her jacket. She opens the door and offers her arm, Zoey laughs and loops her arms around hers.

The party was already in full swing once they arrived. The music was blaring; the bass makes Morgan’s chest thump along erratically with every beat. “Text me, okay? I’ll make myself scarce.”

“Sure. Thanks for driving.” Zoey winks and beelines for the bar. In a few seconds she loses sight of her.

Morgan trudges through the house, the crowd gradually thins as she makes her way farther to the back. She exhales in relief finally free of the maze of drunk students with no boundaries, nobody seemed to pay attention to her, thank god for the dim lighting. The backdoor swings open, she breathes in the crisp night air. The door shuts and party fades into muffled thumps. She sat on the porch steps, her side leaning against the banister, oblivious to the pair of eyes quietly observing her.

After a minute of silence, Morgan sucked air through her clenched teeth, surprised at hearing someone pointedly clearing their throat behind her. The rate in which her head whipped back almost made her dizzy. When she recognizes who the person was, she could already feel the headache coming through, she almost swallows her tongue in disbelief. Of all the people she didn’t want to see her tonight was Poppy, yet here she was, alone with her.

“What are you doing back here?” Poppy asked, voice devoid of any venom just genuinely curious.

“Do I need permission to be? Who made you queen?” Morgan scoffs, the slight bite in her voice comes through and makes Poppy smirk.

“Belvoire.” Poppy cheekily answers, earning an undignified snort from Morgan. The slight tension momentarily forgotten.

“Should have seen that coming.”

“The party’s raging inside and little miss newbie sits here. What are you doing, really?” Poppy asks not unkindly, voice tinged with concern and curiosity.

“I could ask the same to you.”

“I asked first.” Poppy frowns impatiently.

Morgan sighs, opting to just answer just to avoid trouble. She didn’t have the energy to make up excuses nor to argue. “I don’t feel like partying today. I’m just waiting for Zoey to get flat out drunk and drive her home. My turn.”

“It’s-  It’s overwhelming inside. I just want to be alone for a while.” The honesty in Poppy’s answer momentarily throws her off.

“Do you want me to go?” Morgan asks, feeling like she’s intruding. This must be the longest record they ever had being civil to one another, actually speaking without the sarcastic comments and the insults. It makes her feel out of place and awkward.

“You could do whatever you want. I’m not the queen of anything right now.” Right, cause technically it's Chloe. There’s something in her tone that makes Morgan’s heart clench, yet she shrugs it off as the bass from the party. To Morgan’s never ending surprise, the blonde pats the spot next to her on the bench. “The floor is filthy.” Poppy clarifies when she makes no move to stand. A disarming smile crosses her face, Morgan guessed her hesitation must have been showing.

Morgan stands and dusts herself off. “Who are you and what have you done to Poppy?” She asks with a grateful smile, sitting down the furthest she could from the other girl.

“I have half the mind to kick you off this bench.” Poppy grumbles.

“There she is.”

Poppy huffs out a half laugh and after that there’s just silence. After a while she could see the slight tremble in Poppy’s hand in her periphery. She wordlessly shrugs off the coat she’s wearing and offers it to the other girl.

“What?” Poppy blinks, eying her coat suspiciously, making Morgan chuckle in disbelief.

“You’re cold. Take it or go inside.”

“Fine.” Poppy slips on the offered garment, appreciating the warmth it gave to her cold limbs. She wasn’t thinking while she burrowed herself further, letting Morgan’s scent envelope her. She stared at Morgan, feeling guilty for a moment. She moves closer, Morgan shivers when their shoulders touched. "Thanks." Poppy whispers, if it wasn't for their proximity, Morgan might have missed it. She hoped the shadows hid the small smile spreading to her lips.

“I’m sorry for taking your coat. I just couldn’t go back inside. I-” Poppy trails off, breaking her gaze away and staring farther up the yard.

“It’s okay, I offered. You don’t have to explain anything.” Morgan understood, after today everything changed, she lost her spot to one of her friends. Morgan was somewhat surprised that instead of Poppy's explosive anger, she opted to just sit here and mope.

She jumps a little when her phone vibrates in her pocket, she could see Poppy smirk in the corner of her eye.

"Jumpy."

She reads the text and taps a reply, frowning. She turns to Poppy. She doesn't even know why she's explaining but it felt wrong to just go without saying anything. A part of her wanted to make this moment stretch a little longer, so she hesitates.

“Apparently Zoey doesn’t need me to drive her back. So... I guess I'll head back home." Morgan stands not having an excuse to stay longer and makes her way to the door, hands hovering over the door knob to open it but not before doing something stupid like asking her so called enemy if she wanted to drive around for a while.

“So… Do you still want company? We could drive around for a while?” Morgan mentally chastises herself for the suggestion. Of course Poppy would say no it’s not like she-

Morgan looks back at Poppy, she sees her worrying her bottom lip between her teeth in thought. Morgan’s gaze flickers down to her lips, wondering if they’re as soft as they looked. The moment passed and she breaks her gaze away just as Poppy decided.

“Sure but let me just get my stuff.” Poppy stands and makes her way to the door, Morgan standing motionless, hand over the handle. She reaches for it, her fingertips grazing Morgan’s, the slight static made her pull her hand away abruptly.

“Sorry.” Morgan breaks through her short circuited brain and moves to hold the door open for Poppy.  “I’ll wait for you out front.” Morgan makes her way back through the crowd, her mind reeling at what happened back there and what mess she got herself into.

---------------

She continued singing, her eyes accidentally meeting Poppy’s gaze again, her scowl was replaced by an unreadable expression, attention now focused solely on her and Morgan almost faltered. She breaks eye contact and stares at the back wall, ignoring the burning gaze upon her from those familiar eyes.

Your touch blurred my vision

It’s your world and I’m just in it

Even sober I’m not thinking straight

Cause I’m off my face in love with you

I’m out my head so into you

And I don’t know how you do it

But I’m forever ruined by you

-----------------------

The sound of the door opening breaks Morgan out of her deep thoughts. She could see Poppy walking towards her with a sour expression, she's still wearing Morgan's coat.

“What happened to you?” Morgan’s warm hands reaching out to her, settling comfortably on her shoulder. Poppy stares at her hands, she pulls it away like she’s been burned.

“Just drive.” Poppy mumbles, trying hard to be composed but failing.

“Where to?” Morgan pretends not to notice Poppy's agitation, barely glancing at her so she won't feel uncomfortable. She unlocks her car slipping inside while Poppy stares at the abomination in front of her.

“I don’t want to sound ungrateful but your truck is… I don’t know how to say it without offending you? But maybe it could use a good wash? Like you drove through mud to get here. I don’t know, maybe we could go to a carwash, my treat.”

"That’s about the rudest thing anyone’s ever said to me, and you said a lot of insulting things before." Morgan rolls her eyes. “She doesn’t mean that Betty, you just got a little mud on you.” She murmurs quietly.

“You named your car… Betty?”

“What? No I didn’t.” Morgan could see Poppy’s amused smirk even in her periphery.

“You’re such a dork.” Poppy can’t help but laugh at her mortified expression.

Morgan distracts herself from the rapidly rising heat on her neck by fiddling with the radio before driving off. The sweet sound of the guitar filtered through the car and she smiles triumphantly, previous embarrassment pushed to the back of her mind. She doesn't notice Poppy's expression soften.

Morgan drives her car through the carwash. They watched the water and the soap assault her car, the material of the brushes made a repetitive sound along with one of her favourite songs. Poppy had her seat leaned back, watching the machine rid the car of dust and mud. There was something mildly intimate about it, Morgan could move her right hand then they would be grazing Poppy’s, she could do it, she wanted to do it. But all she could manage was a slight twitch in her pinky, her hand doesn't move any closer.

“Do you ever feel like there’s a hundred people around you in a room, yet you feel alone?” Poppy breaks the silence, tilting her head slightly to the left to look at Morgan.

“Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes people may be looking at you yet feel as if their staring right through you, like your nothing. Oh! Like a ghost.” This makes Poppy chuckle.

“Yeah like that. It would have been easier if we were ghosts at least then you know why.”

“Did you feel like that back at the party?” Morgan wanted to say how that would have been impossible that no one could have seen her, she’s seeing her now. She wondered how could anyone ever take their eyes of her, she always seemed to be the brightest thing in any room she entered and now even in this dingy carwash she looked so radiant. How sometimes she thinks that she picks fights with her just for a chance to be bathed in her light. Thoughts she doesn't think would ever cross her mind trickled slowly and became a raging river. Now that she found herself here with her, without anything familiar to fall back on, anything just to distract herself out of her dangerous thoughts.

“Yeah, I don’t know. It was easier to be alone than surrounded but feeling alone. Do you get it? At least I know, I chose to be alone.”

“I get it.” If she had the ability to say more she would have but these few pathetic words are all she could manage. This time her hand reaches to squeeze Poppy’s. A quiet comfort to reinforce her words, she understood.

“Thank you.”

Whatever atmosphere they created in that moment fell apart when Morgan had to move her car forward and exited the wash.

“Where to now?”

“Your turn to choose.” Poppy mumbles, still staring blankly outside.

“Okay, I know a place. You're gonna love it."

“I’m not going to let you pick anymore.” Poppy complains, standing in front a fluorescent lit diner. It almost glowed but in a weird way, like a bat signal for the weary.

“Hey! They make the best food.” Morgan steps forward and drags her companion along when she hesitated.

Warmth and the ambient sound of cutlery grazing the plates makes Morgan smile. She always came here when she’s feeling lonely, missing her parents, their farm or when she’s stressed from school, for trying to fit in like a robot.

“Come. Don’t just stand there.” Morgan looks back at Poppy, her breath caught in her throat. Poppy looked ethereal against the most basic place there ever is. If you said diners were some kind of portal to somewhere else she’d accept it and move on, for she looked like she existed out of place, alien, untouchable as she was beautiful. For the second time this day her gaze flickers to Poppy’s lips, she realizes that she’s saying something and Morgan’s mortified of being caught staring like a fool.

“What? Is something on my face?” Poppy is thankfully oblivious.

“No, it’s perfect.” Morgan quietly whispers while Poppy checks herself in the diner’s window, her words falling into deaf ears.

Morgan balls up pieces of her straw paper places it over some torn up tissues, stacked together. She’s fidgeting under Poppy’s presence; she doesn’t know what to do with her hands.

She's startled when Poppy lightly grasps her hands stopping it from tearing up another piece of paper. It’s been minutes of watching Morgan tear up even rectangles of several tissues, a girl could only take so much.

“You’re making a mess.” Poppy chastises her like a child. She would have laughed but Poppy still hasn’t let go of her hand, it’s making her blush like an idiot.

“Sorry. It’s just that the food is taking a while huh?” Morgan stealthily tries to take her hand back but Poppy only holds it tighter. When they're not arguing, Morgan found that she doesn't know how else to act around her.

“Stop tearing paper like confetti.”

“Sorry.” Morgan sheepishly apologizes and Poppy lets go of her hand, hiding hers under the table, flexing it, she could still feel the warmth of her hand in hers.

The food arrives and Morgan smiles widely. Poppy stares, pretending she's interested in what food Morgan ordered. She admits to herself that for all the times she stared at her she never noticed how beautiful Morgan’s smile was. Arguing doesn't leave one space to insert a smile. It made her heart skip, imagining how it would be like if it was directed at her.

She almost misses Morgan stealing a fry off her plate. “Hey! If you wanted some you should have bought your own or at least politely asked.” Poppy mock glares at her companion, taking one of the crumpled balls and flicking it, hitting Morgan right between the eyes. They watched as the paper landed right into Morgan’s half empty milkshake glass.

"Your face!" Poppy laughs, wishing she could have captured it on camera.

Morgan found that she liked Poppy's laugh when it was genuine. “You better buy me another. You ruined mine.”

“What? It’s almost all gone anyway. All the needless calories you’re consuming will bite you in the ass someday.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

“Just have the rest of mine.” Poppy slides over her milkshake, Morgan grins and takes a sip right into Poppy’s straw. Poppy noticed first, eyes widening. Did She just… A revolting question crossed her mind, how would ‘Morgan’s lips feel like pressed to mine.’ Shes never felt jealous of a piece of plastic before in her life.

Morgan freezes when she realized what she’s done. She just had an indirect kiss with Poppy through the straw. “Sorry. I got excited.”

Poppy opens a new straw for her water, blowing the other end right into Morgans face, another bulls eye, she’s killing it. “Don’t overthink it.” She dismisses the act but her brain does summersaults inside her skull.

They finished eating, the last few of Poppy’s fries stolen right under her nose. She pretends she doesn’t see her sneaking a few of the fries away, she just lets her. Mind preoccupied with important things like Morgan’s lips.

------------------

Can’t sleep ‘cause I’m way too buzzed

Too late now you’re in my blood

I don’t hate the way you keep me up

Your touch blurred my vision

It’s your world and I’m just in it

Even sober I’m not thinking straight

Even if she doesn't look or at least tries her hardest not to, she could feel Poppy's gaze on her, burning, willing her eyes to look back. There's something wildly intimate about singing a song to someone and in the sea of strangers you know it's just for them. No matter how many people sang it, to another, to themselves or just for the heck of it, the song only belongs to the person you made it for. Just for her. They could never feel the way she felt when she wrote it, how her feelings were entwined with every word.

In her periphery she could see Poppy stand and make excuses to her parents. She left, she didn't see where she went, she doesn't dare look anywhere near where she was, she's a coward like that. All she could feel is disappointment. It takes everything in her not to show it on her face. Was it too late to change her talent to stand up?

----------------------------------

"Come on Poppy, pick a place already. I've been driving around for hours! People will think we're stalking someone around here." Morgan whines in the driver seat taking yet another turn around the block.

"It's been exactly 20 minutes. You're such a baby." Poppy looks at her phone for any places that might still be open around this time. "Turn right, that's not right. Right! Not left."

"Great, now were going in circles. Pull over."  Poppy grumbles.

"What?" Morgan looks confused for a moment but does what she’s told anyway, parking along the street.

"Get out."  Poppy moves to exit the car.

"What are you..?"

"I'm not gonna hijack your car, just let me drive. You suck at following directions."

"...."

They switch seats, Morgan slumps and mopes in hers. Poppy fights back a smile.

“Would you look at that it only took 2 minutes.” Poppy smiles smugly.

“I did all the navigating you only had to turn once.” Morgan complains, getting out of the car and looking around the parking lot. “What the hell Poppy, a 711? You could have told me, I could have turned anywhere and found one.”

“Like hell you could. You don’t even know your left from your right.” Poppy laughs at Morgan’s offended expression. They walked in, shoulders brushing together and Morgan shivers, insisting to herself that it’s because it’s cold.

Poppy smiles, victoriously pulling out what they came here for out of the fridge.

“A freaking capri sun? We drove all the way here for that?” Morgan complains, ready to throttle Poppy. Though there’s something endearing in her expression, that proud smile for finding something she was looking for.

“Just go find something you want.” Poppy shoos her away, grabbing a few more pouches of juice. She shakes her head and walks off in search of snacks.

Morgan comes back with an armful of sweets and chips.

“We just ate. What are you doing? Take these back, I won't buy you all these.”

“You said something I like. I like them all. Come on aren't you rich?” Morgan dumps her haul in the counter, the cashier looking back and forth from them, looking for a sign that it’s okay to scan the items.

“Are you just an overgrown kid or what?”

“Pop, you just bought a juice in a pouch, you have no right to judge me.”

“Fine.”

Morgan carries three bags worth of snacks back to the car, Poppy not attempting to lift a finger just because she paid.

“Your turn. Pick a place.”

Minutes later they're on a cliff overlooking the city. Fading notes from a song playing in Morgan’s car filtered to the back.

“I'm surprised you didn't get lost.”

“I don't suck at directions. You're the one that sucked at giving them.” Morgan says in self-defence. She unlatches the back so they could sit on it, holding Poppy’s waist, helping her up. If Poppy noticed her hands shake, she didn’t say anything. They sat closer together, leaning against the side. She could feel the cold seeping into her shirt, making her shiver. Poppy notices and moves to take Morgan's coat off.

“No. Keep it on.” Morgan stops her, cold hands over equally cold ones.

“But you're cold.”

“I'm not.” Morgan attempts to refute it but her hands are freezing.

“I can see your teeth chattering.”

“I like it on you.” She smiles softly.

“What?”

“I don't want you to be cold. Just take it, don’t be stubborn.”

“If you speak of this to anyone, I would personally kill you in your sleep.”

“Why would you do- oh.” Morgan stared in confusion, then realization.

Poppy moved to sit in the space between her legs, leaning her back into Morgan, taking her hands and wrapping them to her waist. Her hands rubbing over Morgan's freezing ones. To say that she was now warm was an understatement, she was burning from the blush that overtook her body.

“If you wanted to be near me so bad you could've just asked.” Morgan grins, chin propped on Poppy's shoulder.

Poppy huffs and attempts to get up. Morgan's arms stop her, wrapping tighter, keeping her in place. “Don't move, I might freeze to death.”

“That's what I thought.”

They had a toast with the Capri sun pouches, laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. They sat there talking for hours, the company was too enjoyable to give in to exhaustion or cold.

From the time they were talking Poppy shifted her position, now sitting on Morgan's lap, staring up at her while she told a story about their farm animals, making her scrunch her nose in disgust at one of her retellings.

They stared at the sky surprised to see the day chasing the night away. How long have they been talking? Morgan looks at her phone and even more surprised that it's nearly 6am. Time went by so fast.

“I always wanted to see the sunrise from here. Thanks for the company.” Morgan smiles softly, running her fingers through her hair to distract herself from Poppy.

No one mentioned how one of their hands are still interlaced together or how Morgan's thumb drew circles on the back. Especially not Poppy's lips softly grazing the underside of her jaw.

They watched in silence, both aware that as the night was done, so will this new moment they found together.

“I'll take you to back to your dorm.” Morgan reluctantly says, unwilling to move. It was Poppy who moved off her first.

Morgan slides off the back of her truck smirking at Poppy. “Want a piggy back ride?”

Poppy scoffs. But positions herself anyway, her arms wrapped on Morgan's shoulders, Morgan's hands holding her legs securely as she closes the small distance to the front of her car.

They drove back in silence, neither speaking of the moment, afraid it will be over soon.

Morgan stops her car in front of Poppy’s sorority house, tapping her fingers anxiously against the steering wheel.  No one talked nor moved for a minute or two, they just stared at each other feeling the change in whatever relationship they previously held. Poppy’s alarm goes off, effectively ruining their moment.

“I guess... I'll see you later. Good Morning, Poppy.” Morgan smiles softly, hands gripping the steering wheel too tightly, knuckles going white, stopping herself from reaching out.

“I’ll… see you later. Thank you for driving me around.” They both know they will see each other but not in the same capacity as tonight, they will be back to being rivals, enemies, whatever the school made them out to be. She could see Poppy fighting a losing battle against herself before she reached out and kissed the corner of Morgan's mouth. She turns away like nothing happened and exits the car without looking back.

-------------------

Cause I’m off my face in love with you

I’m out my head so into you

And I don’t know how you do it

But I’m forever ruined by you

Cause I’m off my face in love with you

I’m out my head so into you

And I don’t know how you do it

But I’m forever ruined by you

Morgan stands and bows to the applause, yet she felt empty. It all felt useless somehow, she wasn't even there to hear the rest of it. She makes her way backstage, turning the corner as the next talent comes up. She felt like running but before she could turn and walk away, Poppy pushes herself off the wall and approached her. She gulped, unsure of what to do.

“Your voice is very beautiful.” Poppy tells her, voice almost as soft as a whisper. She's searching Morgan’s terrified eyes for something. “The song, did you write it?” She asks all the while moving closer, hands fiddling with the lapel of Morgan’s suit.

All she could do is nod, not trusting her voice at the moment. She takes a step back and another and another until her back is against the wall but Poppy follows her every step. Thank god they seemed alone or she would have burst into flames in embarrassment. Poppy steps closer until their bodies are almost touching.

“Who did you write that song for?”

“I...”

“Tell me.” Poppy looks up almost pleading, wanting to hear what she hoped to.

“It’s for you.” Morgan presses herself even more to the wall, wishing it would just swallow her up. She closes her eyes but it flies open when she heard Poppy gasp. “Are you surprised or?” Morgan trails off, observing Poppy’s expression going from astonished, to happy and outright tearing up.

“I can’t believe you wrote that song for me, I thought that there was someone else.” Poppy breathes in relief, Morgan’s hands wrap around her waist, supporting her weight.

“Just you.” Morgan says breathlessly. Watching her break into a smile made all the nerves she had vanish. She pulls her into a tight hug, smiling when she feels Poppy sink into the embrace. Her head leans on her shoulder and she rests her cheek on her hair. Poppy pulls back and smiles before leanig up and kissing Morgan.

[insomniziam]

Okay I'm ready. I'm the anon from yesterday who lost a whole ass rant. I'm ready to do it again(I'm typing this is the notes app first!!)

So I follow quite few Larry blogs that I love and respect cause they never give any shit about the stunts and defend Harry and louis so fiercely. I really like them for that. But lately they've been getting anon asks about ziam and idk why would people do that?? Like we'd make it very clear if we are ziams. Super crystal clear cause there are few of us(compared to the whole of directioner fandom). Honestly these blogs replied quite civilly like "I don't have any opinion about ziam cause I don't follow them closely" and such which is mature and good. But sometimes after numerous asks things do get heated and they let slip a sentence or two that really hurts. Like someone said the name ziammies is a fucking joke and I know we don't like it either and we'd prefer ziams. But it is so much more different when someone who doesn't believe zayn and Liam say that. And someone else listed all the things that make people believe in Larry and told that for ziam they only know about Zayn posting a selfie with a filter and both of them going blonde after a breakup(?)

It hurts my heart cause there's so much more than that. The casual soft reverent touches. Sharing orange eye ring that Zayn recreated in his like I would mv. Wearing brands that are associated with each other. Zayn fucking tatooing Liam's single cover waaaay before it got announced. Zayn literally having Liam's name and face tatooed on him. The almost kisses. The definite kiss on that dark stage that louis had to transform into on-the-spot cuddle. Eyebrow slits even after all these years. Family's support of the other boys. How they almost let it slip that they got a dog together in 1D day. One missing feather in zayns wing that is conveniently tattooed in Liam's arm with the words I figured it out curling around it. Which are the words to the song you & i which is point blank ziam anthem. It was the only song confirmed by Liam to be played before he let other 1D songs to be chosen by fans to be played at his online gig.

I don't need anyone to validate the "realness" of ziam. They are screaming enough. I'm hearing enough. But I can't tell all these to those blogs cause that bridge is burned and any talk about ziam is soured.

And I can't help but notice this. This is not comparing. I'm a larrie and a ziam. More people recognise Louis' babygate cause it happened with a nobody and people were screaming about his closet. Zayn's happened with a well known model who has a fanbase of her own so she can get away with not showing the baby's face(she "accidentally" revealed it anyway). Jungle family has only he-looks-like-louis-card so they overuse it. Posting baby's pics with ads? Check on both sides. Family members using the baby to promote their life? Check on both sides. Supposed baby mamas posting pics of the baby which gets far more likes than their regular posts? Check on both sides. Zayn likes louis' father announcement post(he rarely likes the boys' pics) and 4 years later louis goes out of his way to like zayns father announcement pic when zouis has never interacted once in those 4 years and there's beef between them?? And that's normal? That's not louis hinting at something amiss with the baby?? That's not enough proof to know that this is babygate 3.0? Liam's is more of a backburner babygate but it's still there. Like he has a baby with reclusive Cheryl and conveniently has one shit Polaroid pic and then bam. She just posts the baby's voice and stuff and that's done?? The common thing btw Liam and Zayn is that they know shit about babies. Liam telling his son can talk good when he was one??? Zayn telling it's really easy to be with a newborn baby?? Sure Jan. This irks me really. Anyway this is my loong looooong rant and I hope this finds you safe :)

Again, I'm so sorry this took me so long to respond to!

I share all of your frustrations, but you can't help people that don't want it, unfortunately, but at least then it's no longer your problem!

Just know that you're not crazy for holding differing beliefs, and you have a legitimate reason to do so. You'll learn that there's no point in having these discussions with people who don't want to listen, and save your time for things you actually love to do!

Again, so sorry this took me so long, I hope you're safe as well! Feel free to come back at anytime 😘

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I love that we as a fandom have declared the clem comic an noncanon lmao. i'm curious tho, do you believe clem will get a new love interest? do you think it will be amos or someone else?

Yeah, gotta love seeing a fandom come together to agree on something.... even though that something isn't exactly invoking happy feelings, y'know? Like yeah, the comic sucks and at this point I doubt the trilogy will be much better unless Tillie suddenly starts to understand Clementine and makes some impossibly massive improvements..... but it's nice to see all of us mostly getting along?

As for the whole love interest thing, I'm like 98% sure that Clementine's going to get a new girlfriend in the comics. That's my prediction.

During the dumb xpo thing, Tillie talked about how she's excited to explore Clementine as a queer character in the apocalypse and considering Tillie's other works, I will bet literal cash that Clementine gets a new girlfriend. I don't think Amos will be the love interest, and if he does end up being that for Clem or if Clem gets a boyfriend, then I will genuinely be shocked.

.....Y'know what, I need to get this off my chest and this seems relevant enough-

I was talking with my roommate about this the other night actually. I told her all about my predictions for Clem getting a new girlfriend and how annoying this whole comic is, but also how annoying people are being to Tillie over this and like.... everything is a mess.

My roommate, who knows that literally everything is wrong in the 12 page comic and who I told about the xpo where Tillie talked about Clem being queer is important, asked me how I would feel if she ended up getting Clementine's canon bisexuality wrong, and what if she decides to make Clementine a lesbian?

And like...... I actually stopped what I was working on because this wave of dread crashed through me at the thought of that, and I could actually imagine it happening because she already got everything else wrong and if she hasn't actually played the games and is pulling this shit out of her ass.... I can't even describe to you the feeling I felt...

I want to believe that Tillie would at least know and respect the fact that Clementine is a canon bisexual. From what I've gathered, Tillie herself is wlw and I don't believe she would erase a bisexual character. She knows that Clementine is a queer character. Clementine's bisexual.

Like obviously, if I'm right and Clementine gets a girlfriend, she'll still be bisexual. Nothing will ever change that.

But I'm going to tell all of you this right now because just thinking about it upsets me.... if for whatever reason, if Tillie Walden actually erases Clementine's bisexuality and makes her a lesbian in the graphic novel trilogy while "exploring what it means to be queer in the apocalypse," I'm done.

I will have nothing left for Tillie. I will no longer support anything she does. I won't condone harassment towards her because that makes you just as shitty, but I will absolutely call that bullshit out and then never support her again. I will never talk about the comic again because how dare you think you can get away with that and still expect me to waste brain cells on your comic? Hell, I will probably be so fucking livid that I'll drive my ass all the way to barnes and noble just to return the books I bought of hers.

Dramatic? Yeah, but y'know what? I've never really touched on this outside of a few "Clem being bisexual is important representation and we love it" but her being bisexual means so much to me. It truly does, I mean.... after the dumb "btw Javi is bi, we just wrote him straight and threw in a line of flirty dialogue with jesus so we can have our cake and eat it, too-- the straight homophobes will still buy our game and the lgbt+ community will love us, win win," I cannot explain the joy I felt when Clementine was written as a bisexual woman and that she was given two love interests that meant so much to the players.

Like.... I dunno, I never got any real bi rep in games or books or movies, especially bi girls, when I was a teen trying to figure shit out. In jr high and high school, I could never find stories that has bi women as a lead because I was too afraid to look anything up. I didn't wanna be caught reading/watching things that were lgbt+ because I had a shitty boyfriend at the time and our friend group were heavily religious and judgmental. My best friend [who I haven't spoken to for years now] was one of those people who claimed to support lgbt+ people.... but also once told me that she thought lesbians were okay but gay men were lowkey gross and probably only into other dudes because girls wouldn't date them. Oh, and I'll never forget the time she told me that bi people don't actually exist because you either like one or the other.

That's a great thing to here from the best friend you've know since you were an infant after you've realized that you aren't only attracted to boys.

But now I'm out of that environment and I haven't talked to anyone from high school since I graduated, and I've felt more free to intake all the things I wish I could've before...

I just.... Clementine is important to me for a lot of reasons. I've played these games forever, I've gotten to watch her grow for years, and she's just so well-written and amazing in tfs, and the fact that the writers wanted to write her as a bisexual woman means so much, I just.... even though it's not canon, I can't help but take this disaster of a comic personally. Just from those 12 pages, everything about Clementine is destroyed and it sucks. It hurts..... but I'm still not holding anything against Tillie herself. Her comic is bad, but that doesn't mean she's bad..... however, erasing Clem's bisexuality would be the last straw for me.

.....This turned into a rant. Sorry about that. You asked a simple question and I dumped my life story on you but I dunno, I needed to get that off my chest because it's been bothering the back of my mind.

I do wanna add once more that I don't think Tillie's actually going to do that... she should know that both Louis and Violet are canon love interests, plus Clementine canonically had a crush on Gabe in ANF. I think if she's going to get anything right, it'll be the fact that Clem is bi.... I'm just expressing a major fear I have and what it would do to me, and others, if it happened..... y'know?

[wrong-tryagain]

I felt like a horrible shit earlier today bc of something on Twitter. This amazing man, Chance Terry, does his thing with his tic toc's, and he revealed the next selected celebrity was gonna be Mark Pellegrino. (Yay I thought).

Now, I didn't know this, and I'm pretty sure poor Chance T. didn't know this either; but there's A LOT of turbulence on the net 'bout Mark P. I had NO idea, and no one I know knew either.

Turns out there's a lot of hate and stuff going 'round directed at M.P. And for this, C.T was overwhelmed with negative comments on wanting to make his vid on MP like he has with others. This made him react with a block on several people till he'd thought it over, he unblocked those people again and made an apology vid... In my opinion, this should not have been necessary. To me, It's not acceptable or okay that so many people can bombard one man and make him so uncomfortable that he feels he has to apologize for his reaction and for something he and many others had no clue was going on which he had nothing to do with. If I don't like people I just keep my distance, I don't tell other people to hate or avoid that person, I keep it simple and just states I don't like the person if I feel like I should say it, but otherwise I try to let people make their own choice to like them if they feel like it. And if he feels like it, C.T should be able to make his harmless vid without being spammed to the point he feels so uncomfortable that it comes to what happened for him- no one should feel like this! That's not okay, man.

I felt like shit to see this, and I felt even more shitty when I commented and honestly not knowing about the "war" against M.P and got hit with a pic of 1 out-of-context-taken piece, out of a whole line of tweets M.P had written. I felt like I was slapped in the face with the tweet, as was some others, and I felt like I was somehow the bad guy, just for liking a person someone else apparently didn't.

I don't feel that's an okay way to do things. I felt so bad for no friggin reason cause this tweet I was hit with wasn't actually that short and didn't actually have the background or the meaning that person thought it did: it was just one tiny piece of a longer string of tweets M.P had made years ago, one piece out of context cause tweet boxes can't contain that much text so he had to make several tweets to make that long comment. (String + full text on tweets, see attached pic's).

Now, I know it's easy to develop very strong opinions on things, even if you only just heard about them. But maybe we should all seriously consider doing a bit more research before thinking about slapping someone else with that. one. piece. of the puzzle we've found. Research so you have the bigger picture before giving others a lesson like a slap-on sticker in the face, choose to be kind even if someone before you wasn't. Allow yourself to rage to air out what you need to air to be okay, but don't DIRECT your rage on people if it can be avoided, especially if they don't deserve it.

Yeah, okay, I know some of this can sound a little hypocritical after my little rant here, but I'm actually not mad at specific or nonspecific people, I'm just generally disappointed.

I like C.T and I like M.P and I like a lot of others; for their work, their personalities, their differences, their insights, their awesome weirdness, or even for simple things like making me smile or laugh even for just a moment. I'd like to keep feeling that I can keep doing that if I feel like it. I'd like to not have someone try to ruin this or try to push their opinions over my head to make me make their opinions mine or whatever else it could be about.

You don't have to do, think or feel like I do; we're all different people, there should be room for differences and space for mistakes, improvement and forgiveness, but that's just my opinion.

I don't know if there's actually anything to any of what's going on about M.P and other people, or if most or all of it is just misunderstandings and misperceptions. But I do know that there's always 2 sides of a coin, it's good to be good to others, and thing's shouldn't be taken out of context.

I am sorry if anyone gets mad or offended by any or all this I've posted here, again I'm not mad, I don't mean any kind of harm by this, I just needed to rant the rage of frustration off of my chest and air it out of my head or I'd go mad. 🤯🤪🤡

Also, I have this tiny hope this won't be perceived negatively, neither the stuff above nor the stuff below.

If you read this, or some of this, and feel like sending me pics or comments telling me to hate on Mark Pellegrino or someone else or the reason you might do it, I have something to ask of you:

Please don't.

I like liking whoever I like for whatever reason I have or don't have.

I just needed to air this to lift the crushing clutter in my headspace, I don't want to add more instead, and I only added the pics so if anyone wants to know what string of tweets I'm ranting 'bout, they can. So please ignore this post if it bugs you, I'm not woth your effort to make me see things the way you might want me to. I like my bubble, please don't try to pop it. 😅🙏

Anyway, that was a lot of ranting. Sorry for that folks, don't think too much of it tho. I hope you're all well and I wish good days to come your way. Don't worry, I'm done now. 😅 Peace out. ✌