#there's an ocean between being okay with me being gay and being okay with me being interested in him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ofstoriesandstardust · 11 months

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you’ll lose your faith for a bit and question if she's you (b.r.b.)

a/n: i’ve been working on this for nearly a year. this is my first pride month fully confident and (mostly) open about my bisexuality. i think sometimes it gets taken for granted, knowing/being allowed to explore your sexuality at a young age. therefore, i wanted to write something i saw a little more me in. happy pride month. you’re loved and valid, no matter what label you choose for yourself.

summary: Rebel has a life-changing realization.

title comes from “you might not like her” by maddie zahm

main masterlist | top gun: maverick masterlist | same mistakes-verse

warnings: denial of sexuality, internalized biphobia, mentions of past icemav, MavDad, mentions of DADT, alcohol mentions, swearing,

word count: 4.2k

"She’s so pretty.”

Hangman shifts, turning to look at you. “I agree.”

“I mean, really, she’s gorgeous.”

“Who’s pretty?” Coyote leans over, looking at the phone.

“Hailee Steinfeld.” You respond.

“Second that. Why’re you looking at pictures of her?”

“I think she was in the movie we watched last night.” Hangman responds, nodding down to his phone, looking through her IMDb.

“Oh, what movie? I’ve probably seen it, I love her.” You ask.

“That Bumblebee movie. I don’t know, Hangman picked it.” Coyote responds, throwing his hands up in the air.

You made a face. “God, that’s one of her worst films. Didn’t Dylan O’Brien voice Bumblebee? I can’t remember. Anyways, why would you pick that? She’s in so many better movies. Like the Pitch Perfect franchise does exist. Movie full of pretty women if I’ve ever seen it.”

Hangman turned in his chair fully, face full of confusion. “Why do you keep doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“You keep-ow.” Hangman turned, glaring at his boyfriend. Your eyes flitted between the blonde and your best friend, who had just pinched his boyfriend and was shooting him a look through narrowed eyes.

“Okay.” You say, laughing nervously. “Moving on. I’m hungry, so... food?”

“Javy, I think your best friend is gay.”

“No shit.” His eyebrow raised in question as his boyfriend shifted to sit up against the headboard.

“Really? Did I miss the memo?”

Javy sighs, reaching up to run a hand over his face. “No. I don’t think she knows and it’s not really my place to speculate on her sexuality.”

Jake watched the rise and fall of his boyfriends bare chest, admiring the glint of the dog tags in the moonlight. “But?”

“But there’s a really good chance she’s bi.”

“She ever say anything to you over the years?”

He shakes his head, shifting to look at Hangman in the eye. “No, but she’s said all this stuff, like she did this morning, over the years that has just... made me wonder. And she tries so hard to be an ally that sometimes I think she’s compensating for something.” Hangman reaches a hand out to his boyfriend, intertwining their fingers. “I tried once, about a month after we came out to the team. She was super defensive, adamant she was straight, and got pretty panicked so I dropped it. Haven’t brought it up since.” Jake catches his bottom teeth in his lips as he let out a sigh.

“So basically she’s so far in the closet she can’t even see it?” Javy shrugs.

“Maybe. Like I said, not my place to speculate. She’ll figure out or she won’t. That’s up to her.”

“Yeah, but don’t you think she’d be happier? If she knew that about herself?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. Why are you so interested in my best friend’s sexuality all of the sudden?”

He sighs, letting his boyfriends hand drop as he moves to place his back against the headboard, crossing his arms. “Because. I remember what it was like to be so far in the closet the mere suggestion of being anything but straight made me want to run for the hills. Made me want shove anyone who suggested it off my plane over an ocean.” He tilts his head, looking to his boyfriend. “I also know that when I stopped hiding from who I was, stopped being scared, I was a lot happier. Felt a lot freer.” He swallows, reaching out to pick off a piece of lint from his sweatpants. “I also know she carries a lot of weight.”

“I just don’t know what she’s running from. If she is, I mean. Maverick would love and support her, so would Rooster. We would obviously and she doesn’t have a thing to worry about with the rest of the team.”

“Maybe she thinks Rooster will break-up with her. Kind of a life-changing realization, you know?”

“Rooster’s down bad for her, he ain’t going anywhere.”

“Not if she’s not into men.”

Javy moves, pushing himself off the headboard.

“You really think that?” The words are sharp, a little bit defensive, and Jake winces. “You, what, think she just stays with him because she loves him but that’s not enough?”

“No, Javy-”

“Then what, Jake? Think she’s got some internalized biphobia she’s projecting on to herself? This is my best friend you’re talking about.”

“Maybe she is Javy.” Jake whispers and Javy roll his eyes, reaching over to grab a pillow. “Hey, where are you going?” He asks as Coyote moves off the bed and towards the door.

“Sleeping on the couch. Don’t wanna hear this about her.”

“Javy, c’mon, come back. We don’t need to fight about this.” Javy spins on his heel.

“You drop it. Doesn’t matter whether she is or isn’t. Isn’t either of our places to discuss this or bring it up to her.”

Jake sighs. “I just think that maybe she’d be happier.”

“Regardless if she is or isn’t, she needs to figure that out on her own.” Coyote says firmly, but he’s already inching back towards the bed as Jake watches him carefully.

He throws his hands up into the air in surrender. “Fine, I’ll drop it. Please just come back to bed.” Javy nods, already climbing back onto the mattress, bouncing softly in Hangman’s awaiting arms.

You’re standing at the bar, talking to Penny amidst the loud chatter of the Hard Deck when Hangman slips an arm around you. He bends closer to your ear, words hushed.

“Hey, can I talk to you outside?” You nod, picking your beer up from the counter and waving to Penny as she moves farther down to serve other customers. You follow Hangman, weaving your way through the crowd, and once outside, you’re quick to slip off your shoes as you reach the sand. He nods his head to further down the beach. “Wanna go sit?”

“Sure.” You say, taking a sip of your beer. You follow him to a good distance away from the Hard Deck and follow his lead, settling into the sand. He sighs, setting his beer on the sand and bringing his arms to rest on his knees.

“Listen, um, we gotta talk about something.” You swallow, setting your drink down as well.

“Okay.”

He sighs, rubbing his hands together. “Before I came out, before I met Javy, I was... I was very in denial about who I was. Kept thinking something was wrong with me and kept screwing all these girls just to prove I was straight. I don’t know who I was trying to prove it to, myself maybe. And that shit... it was lonely. It was a heavy burden to carry. I’m glad I don’t have to anymore.”

You watch him carefully. Contrary to popular belief, you and Hangman were actually quite close. He’d never be Coyote but he knew when to keep it real with you and you appreciated the realness of your friendship more than anything.

Weird how things changed.

“How’d you know?” You hear yourself asking. You aren’t sure why. You’re straight.

“I don’t know, I guess when I met Javy I had this oh moment. Everything about me sort of made sense. I was still a few years out from learning to deal with it but something clicked.”

You bit your bottom lip, turning his words over in his head. You still weren’t sure why the two of you were having this conversation. “Where you going with this Hangman?”

“Do you ever feel that way? Like you have to prove something to yourself or that you’re carrying a heavy burden? Waiting for an oh moment?” You give a half-shrug, mouth gaping open. He sighs again, sitting back to rest on his palms. His gaze moves from you to the full moon on the horizon. “Are you gay?”

Your breath gets caught in your throat. You don’t respond, simply looking at him with wide eyes. He finally drags his gaze backs to you but holds firm, unwilling to back down. Finally, you force yourself to start breathing again, coughing nervously. You shake your head, looking down at the sand. “N-no, I’m not Seresin.”

“It’d be okay, if you were.”

“Yes, I’m very aware that it would be. But I’m not.” He tilts his head in acknowledgement and begins to stand up from the sand. All you can do is watch him.

“Okay, well, I mean, it just wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if you were into girls.”

“I’m straight Seresin.”

You were... weren’t you?

“Yeah, I’m sure you are.” He picks his beer up from the sand, turning on his heel to head back towards the bar. You sit there bewildered, turning his words over in your head.

Still, there was some part of you that felt unsettled. Like Jake had prodded at something dormant just enough to wake it up.

You sat on your bed, trying to remember what you were doing. You groaned, running a hand over your face. A soft knock sounded at your door and you looked up to see Rooster leaning against the open door. His smile was soft but you’d known him long enough to see the concern in his eyes.

“Hey.” You whisper softly.

Ever since your conversation with Hangman, one that hadn’t really been a conversation at all, things in your world felt off-kilter. You felt like you were waiting for the band to snap, like for the realization to come, the thing that would change everything as you knew it. You’d been sick to your stomach most days, unable to sleep.

Admittedly, you had always wondered. Maybe a little bit more so after Javy had come out. But there was never enough to prove to yourself that you were that you had always brushed the thought off, burying it deep down. And now it was resurfacing in waves, questions and fears drowning you.

You weren’t... You were straight. You were sure of it.

...Right?

“-you listening?” You shake your head, eyes flickering back up to your boyfriend. His smile was still there but you could tell it was more forced than anything.

“Yeah, sorry, just zoned out for a minute.” You say, waving a hand. “What were you saying?”

He sighs, straightening up and crossing his arms. “Coyote told me you bailed. Third time this week. He’s worried.”

You shrug. “Just needed some time to myself.” He nods slowly, as if he doesn’t quite believe you.

You wouldn't believe you either.

“Hey, are you okay? You haven’t really been yourself lately.”

“Yeah, ‘m fine.” You tuck a piece of hair behind your ear as you hear your Dad’s footsteps in the hallway. He appears just a few moments later over Rooster’s shoulder and he shifts to allow him room to lean up against the other side of the doorway.

“Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to come out to the hangar tomorrow? For the long weekend?” You nod, even though it’s the last thing you want to do with how messy your brain has been lately.

“Sure.” You look to your boyfriend. “Want to come with us?” Your Dad sighs, straightening up, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Actually, I was thinking it could be just us kiddo.”

“Oh.” You say, frowning slightly. “Am I in trouble?” He shakes his head.

“No. Hey, you okay? You got anything you want to talk about?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’m fine.”

Just like how you’re straight?

You brush the thought off, moving to stand up from the bed. “I beg to differ.” Rooster mutters and you shoot him a glare.

“I’m fine. Now I’m tired so if the two of you would kindly-” You motion for them to shoo and they both sigh, exchanging a glance.

“Its like... 7 PM.” Your Dad says, glancing at his watch.

“Well- I’m exhausted, so I’m going to bed early.”

Exhausted of running from who you are?

Rooster gives you a wary look before conceding, moving a few feet to give you a kiss. It’s short and feels forced and sends a wave of cold over you. He grimaces as he pulls away and doesn’t say anything as he steps back, slipping past your Dad. Your Dad sighs, stepping back and closing your bedroom door behind him. You sit back down on your bed, trying to swallow the tears.

You watch as your Dad swings his leg over his chair, settling back with his coffee in one hand and the paper in the other.

Who still reads the paper?

Who denies their sexuality?

You swallow, looking up at your Dad. The two of you were meant to drive back tonight and if you wanted to have this conversation, your window was quickly closing.

“Hey Dad?” He hums, not looking up from his paper. “Did you ever... Were you ever...”

“Spit the question out kiddo.” He says with a chuckle, eyes still skimming over the paper.

You take a deep breath, trying to steel yourself to ask what is a mildly inappropriate question.

Still, you’d always looked to your Dad for guidance and if anybody would have some to offer you right now, it’d be him.

“Were you ever with a man?”

He grunts. “Where is this going?”

“Humor me, please?”

“Does this have to do with why you haven’t been acting like yourself lately?”

“Yeah.”

He sighs. “Yeah, I was, but-”

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. My real question is- Well, how did you know? that you were like... interested.”

He tilts his head as he finally meets your gaze. “My story is a bit more like Jake’s. For so long, I hid any part of me that thought I might feel that way and then-” His face raises in a smile, clearly thinking back to some happier memory. “Then I met someone who changed all that. Everything just felt right with him and suddenly that part of myself I tried to keep hidden from myself and the world clicked into place. It stopped feeling like something was missing.”

A silence falls between the two of you a you turn the words over in your head and he turns back to his paper.

“Were you and Ice ever...” You wave your hand as he looks up at you, pausing mid-sip. “Together?” He sighs, and carefully sets both of them on the table in front of him. He eyes you carefully from where your back is pressed up the feet of the other chair, making a home on the rug placed in the hangar.

“Yeah, we were.”

“Oh.” You hear yourself saying, ears ringing with finally getting the truth after years.

“That’s it?”

You shrug. “Well, I mean I always suspected but I don’t know-” He nods, still looking at you ever intently as you begin to pick at the rug.

“Yeah, we got together after that photo of us was taken. You know the one.”

You did.

“Anyways, we were together for a few years, but- it was hard. Especially with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. I’ve loved your godfather, and I did until the day he died. But it was hard, being in the Navy, dealing with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and we both agreed it was better to love each other and still be friends than go down in ruins. Was going to tell you but you got older and closer with Ice and it just- never came up.”

You swallow, nodding. “Cool.”

“Is everything okay?” You sit there for a moment, turning everything over in your head. You knew, but you were so scared. It was like two sides of you were warring, what you knew desperately fighting with what you feared. “Hey, talk to me kiddo. What’s going on?”

You continued to sit there, tears beginning to form. Finally, you found the courage to say the words that were right there-

“Dad, I think I’m bi.”

The words are no more than a whisper but he hears them all the same. He didn’t say anything, just continued to observe you. A few more tears begin to slip down your face, and then a few more, and then more, and soon you were struggling to wipe them all away as your Dad stood up from his seat to sit on the floor with you. He’s quick to wrap you in a hug, a kiss being placed to the top of your head.

“Sweetheart, it’s okay.”

You shake your head, swallowing. “It’s not.” You whisper. He holds you close, tucking your head into his shoulder. “How can it be okay? I’m in my fucking 30′s, in a long-term committed relationship with the person I want to marry, and I figure out I’m into women. It changes everything.”

“It doesn’t have to.” He whispers.

“How could it not?” Your voice is thick, the tears still bubbling out of you. “He’s gonna hate me, like I lied or-”

“Hey.” He says firmly, adjusting you to be able to look you in the eye while still holding on you. “Give Brad a little more credit than that, please. He’s loved every part of you since you were kids and through all your years apart. He’s going to love this part of you too.”

“I’m bisexual.” You whisper, the words prompting a new round of tears. “It feels really good to say that.”

Your Dad pulls you back to his chest, squeezing you tight. “I’m glad you’ve finally found yoruself.”

You glance up from your phone, the text from Bradley sitting on your phone like it’s taunting you.

Text me when you get home please.

I love you.

“This isn’t our house.”

Your Dad turns the ignition off. “Nope.”

You blink, turning to your Dad. “Are you really making me have this conversation with him now?”

He shrugs. “You can tell Brad whatever you want, but I figured you'd probably want to see him.”

You sigh, sliding your seatbelt off. As always, your Dad was right.

You did want to see Bradley. You longed for a hug and for him to tell you that everything would be alright, that he’d still love you just like he always had.

“And kid?”

You pause, looking up at him as you climb out of the car.

“Yeah?”

“I’m really proud of you.”

You swallow.

“Thanks Dad.”

You climb out out the car, giving your Dad a wave as he drives off you. You sigh, pulling out your keys and thumbing through until you find the one that you had had since you were eleven years old, the key you’d never let go of, even in the years you didn’t speak to the person who inhabited this home.

You blink tears away at the thought it may one day become your home. That tonight could mean it would never be your home.

“Bradley?” You call out, toeing your shoes off by the entryway, straining for the sounds of him.

“In the kitchen, honey.” He calls back and you can hear him moving around. You enter the kitchen, hovering by the door.

Bradley’s cooking, sitting something on the stove, a towel slung on his shoulder as he tastes the sauce. He perks up at the sight of you, smiling. “Hey honey.”

“Hi. Sorry for dropping by unannounced.”

He shakes his head, holding a hand out for you. “You’re never a bother. Come try the sauce. Tash sent me the recipe for her grandmother’s and I’ve been tweaking it to perfection.”

He holds out the spoon for you to take but all you can do is stare.

“We need to talk.”

Bradley swallows, pulling back slowly. “Okay...” He trails off, leaning over to turn the stove off. “Do you want talk about it over dinner?”

You shake your head, glancing at the food. It looks and smells incredible, but you feel like throwing up, feeling the truth claw it’s way out of your throat on it’s own.

“Now please?” You say, voice cracking.

He nods. “Whatever it is, we’ll get through it.”

He looks so earnest and honest in his words, so sure that whatever you have to say to him couldn’t change how he feels about you, that you start to believe it too.

You feel the tears stinging at your eyes as Bradley waits patiently.

“I’m not- I don’t mean to spring this on you or- or- I don’t want you to think I’ve lied about this or intentionally hid it from you-”

He grabs your hand, squeezing it before running his thumb over your knuckles. “Honey, you’re okay.” He whispers, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “It’s okay, whatever it is, it’s okay.”

You take a shuddering breath, leaning into his smell and the way he feels like home.

“Bradley, I’m- I’m bisexual.” You whisper.

It feels as though all sound is cut off as you watch him intently, not sure if seconds or hours ar epassing, anxiously waiting for him to tell you that he just couldn’t be with someone like that.

Rationally, you knew he’d never do that to you. You hoped he’d still love you just as you are, even with this new discovery of yours.

“If you wanna break up with me, I’d understand.”

Bradley’s face falls and he pulls you into a hug. “Oh, honey, no.”

You wrap your arms around him, desperate to find some sort of comfort.

“Honey, this would never, ever change how I feel about you or what we have. How could it? This is just one more part of you that I get to love and I’m so glad it’s something you were able to discover about yourself. I’m so happy you felt like you could share it with me.”

You swallow, tears still brimming in your eyes as you pull back to look him in the eye.

This time though, it wasn’t from fear but from the feeling sitting in you at the way he looked at you.

He gives you a soft smile, one of his hands reaching up to move some of your hair. “Besides, I’ve always had a suspicion.”

You raise an eyebrow, letting out a choked laugh. “You did? How?”

“Do you remember your friend Lexi from high school? Yeah, no one was ever really sure you two were just friends.”

“What?” You question. “I wasn’t into her like that.”

“Well, now I know that, but back then...” He shrugs, leaning up against the countertop. “I don’t know, Sli used to have this theory you were just dating Ben as a cover.”

“I’m gonna fucking kill him.” You mutter, reaching up to brush some of the tears away with a shake of your head.

Bradley smiles softly, knowing there's no real heat behind your statement. Your Uncle Slider had always been able to see things in a way no one else could, reading past the lies and bullshit.

Maybe the years of putting up with Mav and Ice had taught him how.

“Do you feel better?”

You nod, leaning into his touch. “Feels like a weight has been lifted, I guess. Like everything makes sense.”

He ducks to press a kiss to your cheek. “Good. That’s how it should be.” He turns back to the stove, retrieving his spoon. “Will you try the sauce now?”

You quirk an eyebrow, letting out a watery chuckle. “I have to admit I was expecting us to have a longer discussion about this.” You say, although you take the spoon anyways.

He shrugs as he places the spoon in the sink after you nod, giving him your approval. “It doesn’t have to be. It can just be as simple as that if you want it to be.” He pauses, facing you. “Why? Do you want us to have a longer conversation about it?”

You give a half-shrug, sighing. “Not- not really? It doesn’t change anything for me, I still love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. If you still want that, of course.”

He sighs, reaching out for you again. “I want to be here however long you want me here. You trusted me with something deeply personal and that means so much to me. I’m not going anywhere. Not now, not ever.”

You take his, intertwining your fingers with his. “I know.” You whisper.

He smiles. “Good.” He turns back to the stove. “Now, let’s get some food in you. Can’t imagine Mav cooked anything halfway decent this weekend.”

You laugh, reaching for the bowls out of the cabinet so Bradley can scoop the pasta up into the ceramic dishes. He tells you about his weekend as the two of you settle in the couch, close to one another. Bradley’s body heat isn’t the only reason feel warmth, the love you feel brining a certain type of peace you rarely experienced.

Later, after the two of you have had a couple of glasses of wine and are on your second helping of food, you remember your conversation with your Dad earlier in the day.

You pause in your bite, fork halfway to your mouth. “By the way, I learned something today about Dad.”

“Hm?” He prompts, shoving a bite of pasta in his mouth.

“He and Ice hooked up in ‘86.”

Bradley chokes.

#bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw fic #bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw fic #top gun: maverick #top gun: maverick fic #same mistakes

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ohmtoff · 2 months

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omg ur muslim??? can u write nick x muslim bf fic or hc anything

OMG???? ANON ILY LMFAAOO I LAUGHED SO HARD AT THIS BUT I IMMEDIATELY STARTED THINKING AB IT BC I DID HAVE AN EX WHO’s HINDU. important to note that im indonesian so my muslim experiences are probably gna be kinda different than others but ill try to make it as general as possible

- When you first started talking to him he was so confused on whether you were actually flirting with him or were you just overly friendly. When you mentioned in passing that you’re muslim he was convinced you’re straight bc he thought no way you could be muslim and gay (he’s white american so i’m 80% convinced he actually thinks like this lol)

- You flirt and flirt and flirt but the idiot convinces himself you were just really comfortable with your masculinity that you can compliment him, caress his face, touch his hair, stare at him for hours, and go on little dates with him without being gay💀 He would laugh off all your advances and you would just get so defeated and think damn he’s rlly not into me when actually he would scream and kick his footsies into the air everytime he sees a picture of you.

- You were in the middle of staring into his ocean blue eyes when you can feel both your and his breath hitching in the space between. Nick was blushing and nervously look around the room and you can’t help but think he’s just the prettiest boy ever so you thought “fuck it” and confessed. he was so shocked but so so sooo happy when you confessed, he excitedly said yes he definitely wants to be your boyfriend.

- it was in the middle of watching a series with him when you excused yourself to go pray. atp he was still confused on how does being muslim while queer work but he doesn’t know how to bring it up, he’s scared of being offensive. You also knew he was curious from how he has this thinking face whenever you mention anything islam related so you decide to explain to him that you did struggle a lot with faith crisis when discovering your sexuality.

you explained more on how you did have a phase where you hated religion and how it’s hateful. that was before you learned Islam and read the Qur’an on your own, without the interpretation of hateful people and privileged men who skew the teachings to benefit them. so, you learned that your relationship with God is personal and intimate, never one to be judged by any mortal, and more. now, your relationship with Islam is better than ever. (yes this is a self projection of my own relationship with religion lmao) He understands and from that moment on he would try to get out of his way to learn more about Islam and your culture so that he could understand you better.

- You regularly say “Wallahi” “Inshallah” “Alhamdulillah” everyday and he would adopt it too eventually and you would giggle and think it’s the funniest shit ever bc more often than not he would get the use of the phrase wrong, he would just think it’s like random arabic filler words😭

- Ramadan arrives he’s the most supportive partner you can think of during Ramadhan. He’d try to help you cook and order food for suhoor and iftar, and he’d try to support you by not eating in front of you.

“Babe, it’s okay for you to eat in front of me, that’s literally the point of Ramadhan”

“No, it’s fine, I’m not hungry anyways”

- Nick was, actually, fucking starving.

- The first week of Ramadhan passes and he doesn’t feel as fatigued and hungry anymore. He doesn’t even remember to eat sometimes, basically he fasts with you. Fasting became a routine for him and he quite enjoys it eventually.

“I’m gonna be so skinny at the end of the month”

- He gained weight😭 the huge iftar meals with your parents/ friends or just both of you going to a restaurant did more thickening than slimming his body. If you’re close with your parents, you introduce Nick to your parents during iftar and your mom forces the boy to try and eat all the food. He’s not mad though bc your family’s food is like nothing he’s ever had before and he EATS IT UPPP.

- Whenever you try to be sneaky and break your fast he would scold you😭😭😭 pulling out hadiths and out-muslim you

“Nick, you’re not even muslim!”

“So? That’s not halal! Astaghfirullah”

“What?!”

- The hardest thing for him during the month is not gossiping with you. You know he’s a natural hater at heart so when he sees gossipable activities he is CLENCHING trying not to tell you. When it’s iftar he screamssss and pulls out the whole tea with bulletpoints and a powerpoint slide

a/n: that’s all i got for now hope you enjoy it anon i did enjoy thinking ab this its so funny

#nick sturniolo #nick sturniolo imagine #nick sturniolo x male reader #nick sturniolo x reader

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theparliamentofrooks · 8 months

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OKAY SO I HEARD ABOUT YOU BEING A COMPLETE YO KAI WATCH FAN AND BUCK ENJOYER AS THE BIGGEST BUCK ENJOYER MYSELF I WANT TO HWAR ABOUT YOUR HEADCANONS IF YOU WOULD NOT MIND, I WOULD LIKE TO INFO DUMP TO EACH OTHER ABOUT HIM BECAUSE HE IS SUCH A REAL CHARACTER I LOVE HIM

LIIIIIIIIIIIIIITERALLY THE CHARACTER EVER i will gladly drop everything i think about him (or like half of it at least) here. Absolutely. He taught me how it feels to have an obscure fave HAHA

One big thing is that I age up the Yokai Watch characters with me cause they're my No. 1 comfort characters, so Buck (and everyone else) are young adults (like 18). Also Buck is Mexican/Honduran because he has too much swag not to be

Out of the YW3 trio (Nate, Buck, Hailey) it's BUCK that's the smartest. He gets pretty good grades with minimal studying and only puts in effort for big exams. The first time Nate saw he got 100% on a test he was so mad because they blew the past week doing nothing but Yokai stuff

Also he's just really good leader material for the trio. Nate of course is the best leader for Yokai and everyone in general (when times are tough) but Buck thinks ahead well

Is extremely popular in town. Literally 65% of people know him by name. He's charismatic and makes friends easily when he wants to

Has a bad habit of laughing at jokes for a little too long. Nate has dry humor and when it catches Buck off guard he'll be snickering like half an hour after it dropped. "You're still laughing?" "It was funny!"

He initially gets envious of Nate and Hailey having Yokai watches but when they bring him to get one he's like damn wait these kinda look like ass. He strolls out of the Yopple store whistling and appreciating his necklace tenfold and the others are astonished.

(Whisper, diehard Yopple stan, wants to bite him for a week)

Five Assigned Yokai Partner: Shadow Venoct. Reasoning? Shadow Venoct is my favorite. Buck is my favorite. Plus it's cool like why not. I honestly think Shadow Venoct would meet Buck and they'd just click well because Buck wouldn't shy away from him. Shadow Venoct hangs out with him and Buck doesn't need a medal to summon him (just has to say his name with intent)

Buck has trust issues but they only flare up when new people are entering his circle. When Nate was becoming friends with his friends, Buck instantly got defensive and tried shaking him off. Same thing for Hailey suddenly befriending Nate, which makes Buck initially very standoffish with her. It felt like they were invading his space and he needed to know if they would click well before he started being friendly

Buck also eventually realizes that his family can naturally see Yokai, but he couldn't for some reason. (Or at least his sister Dorothy can). It saddens him deeply but he tries not to dwell on it too much. He's got his lucky UFO stone and that's what matters now

Okay back to fun stuff. HE'S THE MOST INSANE ONE ON ADVENTURES BECAUSE HE WON'T FUCKING SIT DOWN he's constantly on his feet poking around SOMEWHERE. Buck absolutely REFUSES to rest when there is something interesting and exciting he could be doing Nate has to cover him so often

Wishes he had the Yokai Watch Certified Pistol

I am a Nate/Buck yaoi truther (I want what they have so bad) but the comedic appeal of Nate being into his sister is also huge. Buck finds out Nate and Hailey are both vying for Dorothy's attention and proceeds to be a MENACE. Nate gets tossed into the ocean and Hailey has to cope with an anime figure release being pushed back

(Buck asked his parents to pull a few strings and refused to elaborate on when he became "interested in anime stock marketing")

Nate and Buck are absolutely gay for each other though. I don't do ships but it's undeniable it's just a fact. The one of like four ships I DO accept as my own

He constantly switches between calling Yokai 'Yokai' and aliens. It's a hard habit to break okay cut him some slack a burger with hands and legs is NOT a ghost LMFAO

Whisper and Buck sometimes butt heads. Buck will call Whisper out for Googling (YO-GOOGLING?) and Whisper reprimands Buck for doing risky things. Buck has also pulled on Whisper's tuft a few times but come on everyone else absolutely has understand his situation

Buck is effectively Nate's right hand man and vice versa. When Nate can't rely on Jibanyan or Whisper for something, his next stop is Buck

I HOPE THESE WERE FUN HEADCANONS TO READ!!!!!!! It has been a LONG time since I've thought hard on him but GOD I LOVE HIM HE'S THE BEST. THE CHARACTER EVER. Buck Hazeltine is a staple for my favorite characters he's THE face of "green characters that are witty, smile a lot, and five will inevitably love". Ugh he's awesome

And thank YOU for sending me this ask!!!! (I LOVE OPPORTUNITIES TO TALK IT'S MY FAVORITE ACTIVITY)

#yokai watch #yo-kai watch #buck hazeltine #mac hazeltine #ALSO FOR BUCK I DON'T DO WELL GETTING INFODUMPED ABOUT HIM FROM OTHERS. SO PLEASE DO NOT HAHA #i unfortunately grew so attached to buck i struggle to talk about him back and forth. i am much more comfortable going off solo #but don't worry that is LITERALLY just me. seeing your thoughts through your own post would still be super dope. GENUINELY!!!!!#b'art art #if i say anything is fact btw I DON'T MEAN IT LITERALLY I AM JOKING #five o'clock asks

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yourdeepestfathoms · 2 years

Text

Ride the Cyclone Kids Performing The Crucible

i have no excuse for this one. i just have had an unhealthy addiction to The Crucible since i had to read it in 11th grade. it’s been three years, and it still has a chokehold on me.

also i know they’re a choir, not a theater group, but shhhhhh

Ocean is Mary Warren

Noel is Reverend Hale

Mischa is John Proctor

Ricky can’t perform, but he is a stagehand, so he’s around quite often!

Penny is Abigail Williams

Constance is Elizabeth Proctor

All the other characters are played by random students

Noel, playing a priest: i feel like there’s some irony here

He’s pretty damn good at pretending to be religious, though!

Ricky, to Ocean: Ocean! You’re already so prepared for the role!

Ocean: Really?

Ricky: Yeah!

Ricky: Ginger

Get it? Cause The Crucible is about the Salem Witch Trials… Gingers were/are called witches/demons…

Ocean isn’t amused

Noel in movie!Hale’s getup

Penny, whenever Noel has to interact with her: hello, gay boy

Okay okay, Penny as Abigail? ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING

Like, Holy Shit

She’s so scary, in fact, that she makes Ocean sit down like a fucking red heeler during her whole monologue about Abby’s dead parents

Penny: Now look you. All of you. We danced. And Tituba conjured Ruth Putnam’s dead sisters. And that is all. And mark this. Let either of you breathe a word, or the edge of a word, about the other things, and I will come to you in the black of some terrible night, and I will bring a pointy reckoning that will shudder you. And you know I can do it; I saw Indians smash my dear parents’ heads on the pillow next to mine, and l have seen some reddish work done at night, and l can make you wish you had never seen the sun go down!

Ocean, who’s in the same scene:

Mischa as Proctor is terrifying, too, but not quite on Penny’s level because he’s already an intimidating dude

It’s just daunting seeing Penny act so cruel

She’ll finish a scene where her character literally shattered the psyche of another character and forced said character into a mental breakdown and will be like “great job, guys! 🥰”

(The other character was Ocean’s lmao)

(If you’ve read TC, y’all know what scene I’m talking about)

You know the part where Abigail hits Betty? Yeah, Penny is merciless with that scene

The actress of Betty damn near saw god that day

Poor girl went SPINNING off the bed she was on

The script literally says “smashes her [Betty] across the face” and Penny took that WAY TOO SERIOUSLY

The duality between Penny nearly decapitating a kid with her hand alone and Penny being like “i’m so sorry!!! are you okay?!” immediately after

After that, the director tells her to lighten up a little lol

The slaps are still real, though

Just less likely to One-Hit KO Betty’s actress straight into the afterlife

Noel, when Penny does Anything: whore behavior

And speaking of whore behavior

Penny and Mischa. Their characters fucked

These two have NO interest in each other whatsoever, but that doesn’t stop them from acting as slutty as possible because they think it’s hilarious, especially when the other choir members react in the most disgusted way

Mischa: I can’t believe my character is an adult man fucking a teenager.

Penny: I am the teenager

Mischa: Thank you, Penny. I did not know that

Meanwhile, there is NO chemistry between Mischa and Constance, even though they’re supposed to be married, and it’s really funny

But honestly, kinda fitting

Since, you know. Proctor cheated on Elizabeth, and there’s meant to be a noticeable rift between them

Ricky, holding an imaginary microphone up to Constance: Constance! Constance! What’s it like playing a canonical milf?

Constance: Pretty cool

One time when Constance and Mischa were sitting at the dinner table set piece for act 2, waiting for the scene to begin, Constance whispered “I can’t believe I bred with you” and Mischa LOST IT

Constance wore Birkenstocks for some time. You know, before their costumes came together

Constance: They’re my Jesus slippers!

Mischa: I don’t think Birkenstocks were around in 4 BC Bethlehem

Constance: Go eat a fridge

Meanwhile, Ocean had an absolutely VISCERAL reaction to these fucking Birkenstocks

Ocean: I’m onto you, Elizabeth, you slippery weasel. I see those things. My mother eats, sleeps, and BREATHES Birkenstocks. I can smell those uncomfortable, mold-soled jerks from a mile away. I can SEE your footprints in them. I know what you’re hiding. I swear, my mother has a pair of those in that exact color, but I don’t know for sure because I’m not at home to check right now, and I’m not allowed in her closet anyway. I bet you stole them, didn’t you? Well, you doubt my willpower to rat you out, she-devil. I know. I see everything. My quietness makes me watchful. I’m practically invisible. I know you paid 99.95 shillings or more for shoes that feel more like solid stone than proper footwear. You snake. You fool. You absolute devil woman. You deserve no rights. Why would you make this purchase if you know what our world is like? You’re a woman in the 1600s for god’s sake, Elizabeth, you’re making chump change! You can’t spend your money on freakin’ Birkenstocks. Go to the general store and get some slippers because at least they would be cheaper and MATCH YOUR DRESS. I may be ace, and I may be aro, but even I know those two colors DO NOT go together. You are pure evil. Purple and that color? That brown? What were you thinking, woman?! You deserve no rights. I hope the shoe mold harvests every last one of your toes. Rapture is nigh, lady, and I don’t think your feet are prepared for judgement.

Meanwhile, the whole theater is SHRIEKING with laughter

At one point Mischa asked the director if he can just pick Ocean up instead chasing her in act 2 because it’ll “be easier”

In response, the director says, “It’s not going to happen because it’ll kinda ruin the illusion of terror, but I would like to see what you would do.”

This then led to Mischa throwing Ocean over his shoulder like she’s a sack of potatoes

In retaliation, Ocean grappled onto him with all of her limbs like a rare species of red koala

“YOU CAN’T BEAT ME IF YOU CAN’T PUT ME DOWN!!!!”

Ocean can cry on command, which is good because of how emotional Mary Warren is

She spends more than half her stage time sobbing uncontrollably

Ocean: oh yeah, crying on command is easy! i just have to remember my Whole Life

Ricky: so have you ever considered the school counselor

“Mary Warren is holding the weight of my mental health on her tiny, Puritan shoulders” -Ocean

Mischa gets to use a REAL WHIP for the play

He once accidentally hit himself with it when trying to crack it

The others have never seen him crumple to the floor like that before

He opened his mouth, but he couldn’t even manage a scream, so he was just silently shrieking in pain

Noel, coming up behind Ocean during this, whispering in her ear: that’s gonna be you soon

Ocean isn’t nervous, though

She trusts Mischa!

Anyone else playing Proctor, though?

Nope

Before the whip came in, Mischa would take his belt off and threaten Ocean with it

But 3/4 times he couldn’t get the fucking thing off quick enough

Mischa: I’ll official y— Uh. Hang on. Sorry, just— fuck, this thing is on good. COME OFF!

He just starts fighting it

Meanwhile, Constance and Ocean are just there like 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️

They decided to start using a stick instead (pre-whip era)

They call it the “Beating Stick”

Mischa accidentally hit Ocean with it once

Ocean folded like a goddamn chair

When Mischa gets the whip and is like “I’ll official you!” Ocean jumps on the WHOLE DINNER TABLE to get away from him and ends up flipping the entire thing

Ocean, hiding under the dinner table while Mischa prowls around with the whip: i feel this on a personal level

Mischa: W H A T

It’s method acting 😌

During Elizabeth’s arrest at the end of act 2, when everyone starts yelling at each other, Constance pushes Ocean behind her like she’s trying to keep her safe from the mayhem, and Ocean Almost Cried

You know what she DID cry at, though?

When Elizabeth is actually arrested

Ocean takes it WAY TOO PERSONALLY

She’s acting like Constance is actually getting arrested and put into jail for witchcraft 😭

Great acting, though

Mischa, to the director, about the arrest scene in act 2: Hey, so you know how Proctor is threatening everyone and is really angry?

The director: Yeah?

Mischa: Okay, so, hear me out. What if he had a gun?

The director:

So Mischa gets a gun

Unlike the whip, this one is fake!

But still

He feels so POWERFUL

Ricky has made it his personal mission to condition the actors into acting and staying in character through Anything, so he just does random shit in the wings during practice

Even the very emotional scenes

Mischa: l will bring you home! l will bring you soon!

Constance: Oh, John, bring me soon!

Mischa: I will fall like an ocean on that court! Fear nothing, Elizabeth.

Constance: I will fear nothing.

Ricky, in the wings: 🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃

Ocean is so short compared to Mischa that the scene between Mary and Proctor at the end of act 2 looks like the violent assault of an elementary school student

This is the scene

Mischa, holding Ocean by the throat: I could break you like a potato chip

Ocean: Do it then

Mischa fuckin FLINGS Ocean to the ground so hard there was this loud ass THUMP

A visual representation of what this would look like from an actual version of The Crucible online

(Side note: the version this comes from is fucking AMAZING. Mary is SO GOOD)

Okay, so, act 3? Ocean’s acting? HOLY SHIT

She puts her fucking SOUL into this performance

She cries so hard during act 3 that Mischa, who is with her most of the time, is genuinely concerned that she’s having some kind of episode

She keeps holding her head in her hands, curling up on herself to seem smaller, rocking back and forth, breathing shakily, whimpering and sobbing, and Mischa can’t tell if she’s just a really good actress or is in need of psychological assistance

(The answer is both)

She’s constantly being told to drink water afterward because she gets dehydrated from crying so much

There’s this one point in act 3 where Mischa and Noel are standing around Ocean because she started crying again, and they looked like her gay colonial parents

Ocean, to the director: Hey, so the script says, “They all watch as Abigail, out of her infinite charity, reaches out and draws the sobbing Mary to her, and then looks up to Danforth.” Does this mean that I get to be hugged by Penny?

The director: Yes, it does.

The director: Why are you crying??

At the very end of the play, they actually have an execution scene, where they pretend to hang Mischa with a harness and stuff

Noel: Did you guys hear about that one wardrobe malfunction during a school play?

Constance: No, what happened?

Noel: Well, they were doing a hanging scene, as we’re doing now, and apparently the harness broke or something because the kid started to actually hang. Nobody knew he was dead until after the scene because they just thought his struggling and stillness was just acting.

Penny: That sounds awful. Imagine getting into a school play and inviting your whole family to come watch you, and then you fucking die.

Ocean: His parents were probably out in the lobby with flowers afterwards, waiting to congratulate him, and then someone had to go out and tell them that not only he was dead, but they also watched him die without realizing it. Probably got videos of it and everything.

Noel: It gets worse. He was an understudy. The kid who was supposed to go on got sick and couldn’t perform, so this guy went on for him and died because of it.

Mischa, in a harness above them, about to be hanged: I’m feeling a little unsafe

THE KIDS IN COLONIAL OUTFITS

THE GIRLS IN COLONIAL DRESSES AND BONNETS!!!!!

#i got. a little carried away lol #i just fucking LOVE the crucible so goddamn much #ride the cyclone headcanons #rtc headcanons #rtc #ride the cyclone #ocean o’connell rosenberg #noel gruber #mischa bachinski #penny lamb #jane doe #ricky potts #constance blackwood

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welcometomyfloor · 2 years

Text

So, I Watched the Slime Tutorial...

and i have some notes:

I LOVE THEM ALL

Ocean the THE FUCK IS WRONG BABES???

Like, she was like this before she found out she was in a competition for her mortality, wasn't she?

She reminds me of Courtney Total Drama (apologies, I am multiple flavors of trash).

GINGER ACE-LESBIAN FUCK (/affectionate)

I LOVE the the wlw / mlm distain between her and Noel.

Noel is literally the caricature version of a guy I went to highschool with.

That being said I love him and his need to be that. fucked. up. girl.

Definitely into the idea that he has a crush on Mischa, but I don't believe the whole "catfish Noel" theory.

Mischa, sweetie, why are you grabbing your crotch this much?

HE'S MY FAVORITE (mainly because he reminds me of the coworker I'm crushing on but that's neither here or there)

He's bi, sorry folks, I don't make the rules.

I hate to say it but... I don't care if Talia is real or not. The idea of her made Mischa happy and helped him cope with his shitty life, that's all that matters.

I also just love that our king is canonically NOT homophobic.

The Drag Race line wasn't in the version I watched but I know it exists and do love the idea that Mischa watched it because Noel came out to him and he just googled "gay stuff" (for research purposes) and it came up as a result.

"Space Age Bachelor Man" is my favorite song, no I will not be taking criticism at this time.

I love how Ricky is still a sweetheart despite having just sang a song that included him having an intergalactic catgirl harem. I just feel like media too often makes sexual characters into one-note horny bastards and I'm SO happy that they didn't do that to Ricky. He's still a sweet young man because REALLY WANTING SEX DOES NOT MAKE YOU INHERENTLY SHALLOW OR BAD. (Sorry to rant but I am just really fucking sick of that stereotype / trope.)

Listening to the soundtrack I was like "why is everyone obsessed with Jane Doe" but having now watched it, I get it. Her mannerisms are great and I love her.

"Ballad of Jane Doe" is soo cool visually and I just love Jane's design in general.

CONSTANCE, MY SWEET BABY, THAT CARNY SHIT WASN'T OKAY! WHY HAVE I SEEN NO-ONE TALK ABOUT HOW SHE WAS TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF??? LIKE THEIR IS NO WAY HE DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS A MINOR, SHE WAS IN HER FUCKING SCHOOL UNIFORM! WHY IS NO-ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS???

The fucking recorder solo

I didn't cry but I did well-up at "It's Not a Game".

While we're in that vein, I gotta say I do love "It's Just a Ride". Mainly because I have the general philosophy that life has no inherent meaning and that there is no criteria you should have to fill for your life to be "worth it". Because, life isn't a game, it is just a ride. And, as sad as it makes me to think of 5 kids being snuffed out before they get to do all things they wanted to do with there life, I understand that missing those milestones doesn't make them any less human.

I have a million and one things I wanna do before I die, but my worth would not be stripped if I died today. Because, in all reality, you can't count on the future to come to you. You just have to keep going as far as you can and try your best to not look back.

Okay, that's all I have to say for now and I have to leave for work soon. Don't be surprised if my blog is cluttered with Ride the Cyclone reblogs for the next little while.

~Nessa Rose

Link to the Slime Tutorial.

#ride the cyclone #ocean oconnell rosenberg #noel gruber #mischa bachinski #ricky potts #jane doe #constance blackwood

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ashwithapen · 10 months

Text

dearest little sister,

(CW for referenced/implied self-harm, (underage) alcohol abuse, referenced/implied suicidal ideation, brief use of f slur, r slur, and t slur)

i realised, very recently, that as the older of us two, i am the one who is going to have to be proud of you.

i know, our age difference isn't staggering, but those, what, two years, four months, and two weeks between us is all the difference in the world sometimes. i wonder, deludedly, in the dark of the nights, if it's our age that made me gay and you straight, and me trans and you cis, and me autistic and you not, and me a redhead and you a brunette. two years, four months, and two weeks, and somehow, despite us being siblings, i have never known two so dissimilar people.

i see you, 14 years old, and i see your 15th birthday coming up in a little less than two months. i see you and your trendy cropped tank tops and your loose-fitting jean shorts. i see your tan lines and your mascara and your colour-changing lights. i see you and your mannerisms and your diction and your dances. i see the way you smile and frown, for nobody, and for everybody, but seemingly never for yourself.

i've wondered, over this past year, how you've been so happy, and so successful, and so okay with yourself all this time, never faltering. when i was your age, it was screwdrivers and pencil sharpeners colliding atop the ledge of my shower, greedy, desperate fingers twisting and turning and pulling until silver lept free and fell harshly across my skin the night before halloween. when i was your age, it was the taste of vodka that knew me best, that outlined my midmornings and evenings and late nights and midmornings again and again for the better part of two years. when i was your age, it was instagram group chats with other fangirls who also fancied the idea of death. it was therapy sessions with a woman i didn't like, and forgotten homework that played ocean and tried to drown me repeatedly, and hoodies in the summertime, and realising that christmas lights didn't make me smile anymore.

i wondered, recently. if maybe you are less okay too, but just in your own way. i talked to a boy who plays golf with you. i asked him: "weird question, but how is my sister?" because i didn't really know, not for lack of trying. i think that's what made me ask: every time my question was directed to you, you would ignore me or, more commonly, tell me to kill myself. when i brought that up to the golf boy, who called you his little sister, he laughed, and the girl sitting beside him—a friend of mine—looked up and seemed taken aback. even with all the wildest stories she'd told me about her own family, somehow she said mine was the worse.

i didn't know it was that bad.

i thought it was normal between us. i thought we were the same as other siblings and i thought that their banter of "but we love each other, really" was only that—banter. a joke with linked limbs and cheesy smiles for the camera accompanied by our own similar brushing off of 'dust' and fixing of clothes afterwards. i didn't think it was unusual for your sister to actually hate you.

but also, i've always hoped, ever since you learnt some choice slurs, that really you did love me, deep down. i hoped, maybe even assumed, that your curled lip and scrunched nose that came for free with every glance you tossed me over your shoulder was just the same as your tank tops and jeans: something that, as a straight, cis, newly teenage girl was necessary for you to wear. then, when i let it slip two weeks later in a park with some other boys that you liked calling me a faggot, they looked surprised and mad and put off in a matter of moments. i had thought you still loved me despite it all, but they said it right there and then how uncool that was. "family doesn't do that shit."

i was glad for the dark; i could have cried, bowing my head as they backed me up out loud, smoke spilling from their lips between remarks. she still loves me, i thought silently, stubbornly. "she's just a kid," i said as if it was some god-compelling excuse. when they heard she was fourteen, they exchanged a certain glance and my heart sunk lower. and that was before i told them about the death threats, the sharpness of her nails, the other words that i'd never heard fall from her lips until after she learnt that i was trans and that i was autistic and that i was just a little bit different from her.

and so i'm stuck. i want to believe that how you hate me is the same as everyone else: that you don't actually hate me and truly love me deep, deep down, and also that everything you've done to me is just a right-now-teenage-phase thing that's been going on for the last 3 years.

i wonder, writing this now, where an 11-year-old learnt to be so determinedly hateful. we live together, we went to the same school, and even share some of the same friends. who taught my own sister that who i am is something sinful?

you won't read this. you don't believe in reading unless it's the bible nowadays.

you may never change your mind. you may never get past this moment, and there may come a day, frighteningly soon, that ends up being the last time i ever see you as i prepare for university a year from now and you try for your early golf scholarships. i need to come to terms with the fact that i may never have a relationship with my sister, i guess. and what a thing to admit to myself!

know that i don't say this to guilt you or to pitty myself. i only wrote this because i saw a video of an older sister reacting to her younger sister's wedding dress for the first time and i realised that, more likely than not, at least as things stand now, there is a good chance that i won't see you get married, and neither you, i. i probably won't get to see you slowly walk down the aisle and be proud of you. you would never invite the retarded, faggot, tranny to your perfect wedding. and i'm not going to marry, not that you'd rsvp.

i hope you look stunning in your dress when the time comes, little sister. i hope that you really love him and that he makes you happy and treats you well. i hope that i'm wrong and you don't hate me, that i'm right and you do love me. i hope you are okay, now and for the rest of your life, because for as shitty as i've gone through and for as shitty as you treat me, i can't help but care for you, and i will never hate you back.

that's all.

all the best,

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iwant-fuitgummi · 10 months

Text

Inazuma Headcanons pt. 1!

(pt. 2 here)

Thoma Rothschild

he/him

Transgender Man, Bisexual

Dating Kamisato Ayato

Family: Sayu (FF Sister)

Best Friend: Kamisato Ayato

The surname I gave him, Rothschild, is a German surname that means "red shield."

Was best friends with Kaeya and Diluc as a kid. His mom worked at the Dawn Winery and even lived in one of the cottages there, so he was very close to them.

Sees Sayu as a little sister. He gives her food all the time, and even makes sure that the bedding in her favorite napping spots is clean and comfy.

He still teaches that cleaning class, but it's turned into more of a life skills class. He teaches people of all ages how to cook, clean, do laundry, count mora, buy things, book appointments, pay taxes...things like that. His class has a lot of teenagers in it now, since they have no idea how to pay taxes or bills and are gonna have to worry about it soon.

He's literally in love with Ayato it's ridiculous. His receiving love language is words of affirmation, and Ayato praises him ALL THE TIME.

His giving love language is acts of service, so he doesn't mind doing things for Ayato at all. Plus, his pay is amazing and he gets free housing.

Literally a big puppy. Always excited to help, extremely loyal, follows you around wherever you go, protects his loved ones, beloved by all...I love Thoma.

Thoma has braces on his arms. He lifts a lot of boxes, so his arms start to ache. That being said, Thoma is incredibly strong. He's pretty well built, and even acts as the Kamisatos' personal trainer.

He has PTSD. He fell overboard when he was visiting Inazuma. He has a terrible fear of the ocean and refuses to ride boats. He also gets seasick super easily. That's also part of the reason that he has an aversion to alcohol, since he was bringing wine to his father when he went overboard.

He also has ADHD. He always has to be doing something with his hands. Everything in the Kamisato estate has to be organized in a certain way or he'll get upset. (he just like me fr)

Hangs out with Itto a lot! Thoma taught Itto how to play chess, and Itto taught Thoma how to battle with Onikabutos :)

Kamisato Ayato

he/him

Cisgender Man, Gay

Dating Thoma Rothschild

Family: Kamisato Ayaka (Sister), Sayu (FF Sister)

Best Friend: Thoma

His love language is physical touch fr. Giving AND receiving. He loves getting hugs from Thoma since he's so damn warm. He gets hugs from Thoma when he's stressed.

Very light sleeper. Thoma soundproofed his room and bought him soundproof ear plugs, but he still wakes up at the slightest noise.

Gets super anxious when lying alone in bed. He wonders if Ayaka and Thoma are okay, if they're still alive, if something happened while he was trying to fall asleep. The sound of Thoma's breathing and the feeling of his heartbeat calms him down, though. Sleepy Thoma is white noise to Ayato. It helps him sleep.

He's tried to learn how to cook by watching Thoma, but why does he need to when Thoma's the best chef in all of Teyvat? (in Ayato's eyes, at least)

Plays cards with Itto all the time...and always wins. Loves hanging out with him due to the chaos that he brings everywhere. He even pays to bail him out of prison sometimes, giving the money to Shinobu as an "anonymous donation to the gang."

He's a bit autistic. He has a collection of dried flowers from all over Teyvat, as well as multiple books of all known dog breeds. He can tell you the common and scientific name of a flower just by looking at it, and knows everything there is about dogs.

He zones out at Tri-Comission meetings, especially since Kokomi has recently joined them to discuss diplomatic relations between Narukami and Watatsumi. He's very aware that Sara and Kokomi are secretly flirting by the way they speak to each other, so he just zones out until they actually start to talk business.

He has POTS, as well as chronic pain. Thoma has to accompany him to all of his meetings to ensure he doesn't pass out.

Kamisato Ayaka

she/her

Transgender Woman, Bisexual

Dating Naganohara Yoimiya

Family: Kamisato Ayato (Brother), Sayu (FF Sister)

Best Friend: Traveler

She's a makeup girlie to me so I gave her some. It's light, but it's there.

She often sneaks out of the Kamisato estate under the alias of Hiramatsu Fusae. She lets her hair down, does her makeup to change her face, and puts on some cheaper clothes. Fusae is a girl from Borou Village who is exploring beyond Watatsumi for the first time. Ayato knows about this, and doesn't do anything to stop her. In fact, he buys her outfits and makeup to help with this goal.

She first met Yoimiya as Fusae, but quickly told her who she really was when she realized she could trust her. From then on, the Naganoharas have been very close with the Kamisato Clan.

She buys clothes for Yoimiya all the time. Her love language is acts of service and giving gifts, so buying things for Yoimiya makes her extremely happy. In return, Yoimiya takes her to all kinds of firework shows, even making custom fireworks.

When she came out as trans, she chose the name Ayaka so she could match with her big brother.

Arataki Itto

he/they/she

Genderfluid, Bisexual

Dating Gorou

Family: Granny Oni (Grandmother), Kuki Shinobu (FF Sister), Akira (FF Brother), Genta (FF Brother), Mamoru (FF Brother), Takuya (FF Brother)

Best Friend: Naganohara Yoimiya

He's super tall and super buff. Using Kaeya (6'1") as a reference, he's about 7'2" in my head. That's about 2.184 meters for all you non-Americans out there. He's the only character I'll give a numbered height to because he SHOULD'VE BEEN BIGGER.

anyways uh

He goes to Watatsumi Island with Shinobu a lot. He spends the whole day with Gorou, being silly and hanging out. He tries to impress Gorou by picking up random heavy objects. It's never really that impressive, since Gorou's seen him do it so many times, but it's the thought that counts, y'know?

Itto and Yoimiya have competitions to see who the kids of Hanamizaka would rather play with. It's almost a perfect 50/50 split right now.

Yoimiya helps Itto with their "festivals" by providing them with free fireworks. They almost always get in trouble with Sara, but Itto always tells her that Yoimiya didn't know what they were using the fireworks for and takes all of the blame so that she doesn't get in trouble and tarnish the Naganohara reputation.

She still holds a grudge against Raiden for not taking her vision sooner. She's WAY too important for her vision to not be the first taken!

He hangs out at the Kamisato estate a lot, beetle fighting with Thoma, playing TCG with Ayaka, and TRYING to play chess with Ayato.

I don't have many other headcanons about Itto, he's perfect the way he is <3

Yae Miko

she/one

~33 (Physically), 500+

Agender, Lesbian

Married to Raiden Ei

Family: Wanderer (Son), Raiden Makoto (Sister in Law), Kirara (FF Daughter)

Best Friend: Sangonomiya Kokomi

I looked up Kitsunes and noticed they had red markings, so I gave her some in similar placements as the ones I saw. I also made her eye makeup more intense.

Her hibakama is full length now. I think more Genshin girlies need full length skirts and stuff, they're so pretty :(

Penpals with Kokomi! She reviews the stories that Koko sends her and sometimes asks if she can flesh out and publish them if they're good enough.

She has a class at the Narukami Shrine where she teaches young children how to read by using fortune slips. She's surprisingly good with kids.

tbh I'm still holding a grudge from the anti-Raiden Shogun training quest and that's all I can think about when I see Miko

Gorou

he/him

Cisgender Man, Asexual, Demiromantic, Panromantic

Dating Arataki Itto

Family: Sangonomiya Kokomi (FF Sister), Kirara (FF Sister)

Best Friend: Kaedehara Kazuha

idc what anyone else says I love ittorou. They send each other letters without knowing it's them. Then Itto asks Gorou what he thinks of Miss Hina and Gorou's like who. what. And then Itto shows him some of the letters Miss Hina sent him and Gorou's like ???!?!??!!???

Anyways uh

Gorou has a prosthetic hand. He lost his left hand in the war.

He has PTSD and awful survivor's guilt. When he sees Sara or any other members of the Shogunate, he has to calm himself down. Kokomi doesn't bring Sara to Watatsumi when Gorou's there.

He and Kazuha meditate together. It's hard for Gorou to sit still long enough, but he tries.

In my head, the outfit he wears is a casual fit. In war, he does NOT have his whole torso exposed. My guy isn't a dumbass.

There are 3 people who he lets touch his tail.

Shikanoin Sayu

she/they/it

Family: Shikanoin Heizou (Brother), Kamisato Ayato (FF Brother), Kamisato Ayaka (FF Sister), Thoma Rothschild (FF Brother)

Best Friend: Traveler

I don't know why but Sayu and Heizou being siblings is so real to me.

I tried to make her look even sleepier. Also I gave her a tan since she sleeps out in the sun 24/7.

The people at the Kamisato Estate see her as a little sister, which annoys her a bit. But she gets pampered a lot, so she doesn't completely mind.

Often helps Heizou on investigations. He solves them, she hunts them down.

They're a very picky eater. They mostly eat onigiri and katsu sandwiches that Heizou makes for them. They'll eat food from Thoma, but only specific kinds.

It doesn't like Yoimiya too much. It thinks she's too loud and disrupts its sleep. Ayaka promises that Yoimiya's just not used to it yet, but it doesn't care.

She has sensory issues with sounds and food textures. She hates fireworks.

Chills with Gorou when they're bored. They like to sleep on his tail and they're one of three people he'll let touch it.

It has Turner's Syndrome. She's 12, but is still the height of an 8-9 year old.

She also has ptosis and narcolepsy.

Sangonomiya Kokomi

they/she/he/mer

Demigender, Greysexual, Panromantic

Dating Kujou Sara and Kuki Shinobu

Family: Gorou (FF Brother)

Best Friend: Yae Miko

Kokomi and Sara enemies to lovers real. They were flirting the entire time they were fighting trust me.

They were really conflicted about their feelings for Sara when they first developed them. They talked to Gorou and Miko about it, unsure of what to do. Miko gave them some "follow your heart" bs and Gorou gave them actual advice (Miss Hina moment). Gorou said that, even though he hates Sara, they shouldn't hide from their feelings if they're really there. He then gave her some tips on how to ask her out (that he got from Miss Hina's fans). Gorou just wants them to be happy :(

After she asked out Sara, she found out that Sara was already dating Shinobu. But then, Shinobu approached Kokomi and asked how she felt about polyamory, and now the three of them are dating :D

When he's stressed, he'll grab a comb and find Gorou. He likes to brush his tail, the repetitive action helps him. He's one of the only people who're allowed to touch his tail.

Kokomi has a sensory deprivation tank in mer secret hideout. Mer feels the safest when mer is floating in the water, and a sensory deprivation tank is much safer than the open ocean. Mer built it all by merself, with a little bit of help from Shinobu.

This is canon, but they are penpals with Miko. They love sending each other their favorite books. Kokomi occasionally drafts some stories and sends them to Miko so she review and edit them.

Autism, 100%. She hyperfixates over books in her hideout for days. Gorou has to remind her that she has priestess things to do, but he'll sometimes just carry out the job for her when she's really into something.

Shinobu and Itto visit Watatsumi a lot to visit their respective lovers, and Shinobu sometimes enters Koko's hideout while he's sleeping. She makes sure to put a blanket or her jacket over his shoulders before returning to the shrine to supervise Itto. Kokomi then wakes up with Shinobu's jacket and the most well rested mind in the world.

Mer occasionally goes down to Enkanomiya and just...exists. No worries, no pressure, just mer and the Vishaps. There was no war. Mer people are safe. Everything is okay.

She's slowly losing her hearing. She's had difficulty with it her entire life, but the war made it worse.

Kujou Sara

she/he

Bigender, Lesbian

Dating Sangonomiya Kokomi and Kuki Shinobu

Family: Kujou Clan

Best Friend: Kuki Shinobu

Sara has the BIGGEST celebrity crush on Ei it's crazy. Like whenever she sees her she just freezes up and has to like. Reboot her brain.

He asked Shinobu out because he'd seen her around the police station scolding Itto. Pretty girl with an authoritative attitude who's yelling at a criminal? How could he not fall in love? The two started hanging out, and Sara eventually (very awkwardly) asked her out. Surprisingly, Shinobu agreed. And then, one day, Shinobu asked Sara how he felt about polyamory, and then boom! New girlfriend! Kokomi!

She gets SOOO flustered when they're both around. Like. Sara trying to train but her girlfriends are watching? Sara trying to arrest someone but her girlfriends are whispering to each other how hot she is? Nah. Sara's brain shuts off, her wings pop out, and her face turns bright red. It doesn't help that Koko and Shinobu giggle a bit when that happens.

He's tried to talk to Gorou, to apologize for everything he'd done to him, to tell him how much he admires him and his strength, but he never can. Gorou panics and makes up an excuse to leave as soon as he sees Sara. So, Sara writes down every thought he has about Gorou and gives them to Kokomi. He then has Koko deliver these letters to Gorou anonymously, with Sara's name being at the very end so Gorou doesn't know it's him until he's already read everything.

Raiden Ei

she/one

~34 (Physically), ~3000

Agender, Asexual, Lesbian

Married to Yae Miko

Family: Wanderer (Son), Raiden Shogun (Daughter), Raiden Makoto (Sister), Nahida (FF Daughter)

Best Friend: Yae Miko

Not gonna lie guys, I don't think about Raiden too much. I also don't have her, so I don't really have a handle on her as a character. Okay. Now moving on.

Serious RBF. Like. Never smiles unless you make her laugh. She doesn't even realize it, either (it's The Autism)

Spends a lot of time in her own head, both metaphorically and literally. She'll sometimes just zone out and enter the Plane of Euthymia, and it just looks like she's staring into space like a cat.

Speaking of cats, she has one! She's a Turkish Angora named Keiko :3

Miko sometimes turns into her fox form and sits on Ei's lap with Keiko.

yes i know ei is a dog person but idc!!! my best friend is a cat person and she has two dogs. ei's just too busy for a dog right now :(

She and Zhongli send each other old person postcards. Venti sometimes intercepts them using the wind and laughs at them before sending them on their way.

She love love loves Nahida. She sees her as a daughter and makes sure to check up on her regularly.

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin edits #genshin headcanons #raiden shogun #raiden ei #kujou sara #sangonomiya kokomi #genshin sayu #gorou #yae miko #arataki itto #kamisato ayaka #kamisato ayato #thoma #genshin thoma

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dawningfairytale · 2 years

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how did ocean and noel become "be gay fight crime"? how did constance and mischa become "be gay do crime"? let me tell you!!!

ocean and noel were first. they realised they could use their powers for good!!! so one day, they went to a random spot in the city, ocean stopped time and let noel grow some Trees.

they did this for a couple of months, but then the council started complaining which made them stop, not wanting to get caught and punished (ocean encouraged this since she has guilt and punishment issues)

they feel really useless for a bit, until they walk by this destroyed bank wall in the city and they realise "oh my gosh ocean there are villains in the city." "we can do something about it!!!!! :D oh wait is it legal" "we'd literally be protecting the city how could it not be"

at the next attack, ocean monitors where it happens, it's weirdly a lot of banks in the city (i was in the city today, there are so many banks) and try to figure out a pattern of timing (there's not one)

next time she hears of it she stops time and gets noel to go to the city with her

they have to walk like 5kms to find where it's going down (and like the length of how long she can stop time is limited and depends on her health and amount of sleep) so they take a breather but then they have to Fight

noel carries the team there, he traps some of the robbers with plants, he suffocates one with flowers (dw he doesn't kill anyone yet) and that lead to the robbers being imprisoned

they got a lot of praise and they were very happy about this

so it meant that they started sorta being the city protectors, they communicate about Hero Stuff on flip phones and there's a line that people can use to call them in major emergencies

constance and mischa corruption arc (i can make them worse >:D)

okay so they weren't the bank robbers, let me be clear. they don't know them, they're completely unrelated, i just needed a way for ocean and noel to bring it together

but constance and mischa did think hey???

they work in customer service they've seen some shit

constance really just fucking snaps one day and good for her so sure, part of it is sadism

i'm still working on their motivation tbh, so if you've got any recs, lmk please!!!

the current consideration is that mischa's retained his anger from canon about "thank you for killing my mother and indirectly killing me". perhaps constance's father was killed bc, idk if y'all know this, but the us doesn't have great healthcare. maybe something or other endangers a cousin she's really close to and she lets out some anger through fighting?? or the two of them directly target the workplaces of billionaires??? i really don't know too well yet, sorry!!

so then, naturally, ocean and noel rise up against them

and it's not like they don't fully get where they're coming from, but they can't admit that publicly!!!

as a result, they create a fighting schedule. no, they don't want to know each other's identities, but they agree to fight on wednesday evenings and friday mornings.

the vibe between them in the first chapter will sorta be inspired by batman and joker in the lego batman movie!!!

spacedolls are watching and they are entertained

penny started a reddit supporting constance and mischa *blindly*

#⚔ when all else is lost the future still remains our own ⚔#rtc superhero au #rtc #ride the cyclone #noel gruber #ocean o'connell rosenberg #constance blackwood #mischa bachinski #noel and ocean #constance and mischa #again as friends!!!#hero!ocean #hero!noel #crime! crime! crime! crime!#idrk what i'm doing so any suggestions are welcome!!!!!

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zoeswiftie · 4 months

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some zoe/natalie incorrect quotes bc i'm spreading the agenda so y'all like them !!!!!! pls i'm so alone i have read every fanfic (three) a hundred times this is hell

Zoe, trying to flirt with Natalie: I think both of our families suck.

Zoe: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us. Natalie: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

*Natalie comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Zoe’s bedroom.* Zoe: Babe, are you.. coming to bed? Natalie: No thank you, I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a girlfriend. Natalie: *Lies on the ground and falls asleep* Zoe: ...

Natalie: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box. Henry: Did Zoe say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'? Natalie: THE REASONS ARE PERSONAL–

Zoe: I have feelings for you. Natalie: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Natalie: Caffeine no longer keeps me awake while I work, so instead I have Zoe periodically send me texts saying ‘we need to talk.’ Natalie: It gives me the right amount of adrenaline and fear I need to keep going.

Computer: Please enter a password. Zoe: *types in Natalie* Computer: Your password is too weak. Zoe: How fucking DARE YOU-

Zoe: You ever get so tired you start seeing spiders? Natalie: That's me after I take 17 Benadryl and start seeing the hat man. Zoe: ...The who? Natalie: Oh, is this not a safe space suddenly?

#i'm so annoying #i love them my bi4bi girlies #zoe/natalie #zoe murphy/natalie goodman #natalie goodman #natalie goodman/zoemurphy #n2n #next to normal #casi normales #deh #dear evan hansen #querido evan

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ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit · 2 years

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Carydan Incorrect Quotes

I have to pump real content into this ship but I'm lazy.

Caryalind: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Kaidan: Okay. Caryalind: And make out during the scary parts. Kaidan: Th- Kaidan: The scary parts. Kaidan: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Caryalind: I think I'm falling for you. Kaidan: Then get up.

Kaidan: I know one person who finds me funny! Caryalind: Okay, who?... and you can't say yourself! Kaidan: Okay then I'm out.

Caryalind: Hello Kaidan, made anyone cry today? Kaidan: Sadly, no. But it’s only 4:30.

Caryalind: You remind me of the ocean. Kaidan: Because I'm deep and mysterious? Caryalind: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

Kaidan: Did you wash the dishes? Caryalind: I thought you wanted to do that... Kaidan: *chuckles* You were WRONG.

Caryalind: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go. Kaidan: Those are wanted posters!

Kaidan: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine. Caryalind: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again. Kaidan: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?? Caryalind: Is it working?

Kaidan: I owe you one. Caryalind: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.

Kaidan: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy. Caryalind: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep. Kaidan: I said within reason, Caryalind. How about I murder that guy? Caryalind: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't? Kaidan: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

Kaidan: How much did you spend on this date? Caryalind: $1400. But all of it's on credit cards, so it's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.

Caryalind: I think we should kiss. Kaidan: And I think you should die but we don’t always get what we want.

Kaidan: I was going to suggest we do Marilyn Monroe and JFK roleplay, but I’d get way too into it. Caryalind: What- how? Kaidan: You’d be like “come to bed … Mr. President” and I’d be like, “I need to increase the amount of American military advisors in South Vietnam by a factor of 18.”

Caryalind: Talk dirty to me, baby~ Kaidan: The dishes. Caryalind: Wh- Kaidan: They’ve been there for 4 days and it’s your turn to wash them. You still haven’t cleaned them and I have asked you to do so several times.

Caryalind: We both look very handsome tonight. Kaidan: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you." Caryalind: I couldn't take that chance.

Caryalind: Are we fighting or flirting? Kaidan: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck- Caryalind: Your point?

Caryalind: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us. Kaidan: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

Caryalind: Relationships should be 50/50. Kaidan cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

Kaidan: I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight. Caryalind: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther? Kaidan, already taking off their clothes: God, Caryalind, you’re so fucking stupid.

Caryalind: Do you want to know your gay name? Kaidan: My... my gay name? Caryalind: Yeah, it's your first name- Kaidan: Haha. Very funny Caryalind- Caryalind: *gets down on one knee* And my last name. Kaidan: Oh- oh my god.

#carydan #caryalind thallery #caryalind skyrim #kaidan 2 #kaidan skyrim #skyrim followers

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sanguine-inkwell · 2 years

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We reblog a lot of aesthetic posts, so I think it’s time for some armchair philosophy.

What does it mean to be a vampire? Call it what you want, sanguinarian, energy feeding- it’s an umbrella of experiences and concepts neatly dovetailed into the goth subculture, cousins to folks like otherkin and therians. This blog is a little bit of a perfect illustration of my point- we mostly reblog aesthetics and art because it’s fast, easy, and gets the point across. But it’s here to talk about an experience, too, and we haven’t done much of that.

Maybe it’s similar to the witchcraft community that way. People post their candles and crystals, but the real work happens behind closed doors. And it’s easy, as a vampire, to sum it up as “yeah I feed on people, move along”. We’re gay, keep scrolling. Don’t like, don’t read, flames are fed to the cat.

Part of the urge to do that is a reaction to folks who peddle the idea of binaural beats to give you heterochromia, or Top Ten Reasons Why You’re Actually Supernatural (Number 6 Will Shock You!). Whatever the reason is, whatever causes this, it doesn’t give us the ability to Force Choke people or smell their deepest fears. People will always want to be special. I’d even argue that that’s normal and okay. I just keep tripping over weird culty shit that dents my faith in the community, relying on magical promises and feeding the fantasies of lonely vulnerable teenagers, and then we’re back to square one.

The only thing I can say for sure, I think, it what it means to me. It helps me feel like I belong- even if not to a group of people, then at least the night. The dark, the murky place where horror movies and pareidolia and the bogeyman mythos lives. It lets me feel powerful, confident, enjoy being who I am. The aesthetic brings me joy. The experience.... it’s nestled in there somewhere between my gender and my psychological issues, I think. It can hurt, it can be lonely, but it’s not always. It’s impacted how I look at the world around me, given depth to my animistic beliefs, affected how I look at and think about food in particular. Nothing quite makes you analyze where you get your nutrients like cravings you can’t actually satisfy.

For me, being a vampire is halfway punk rebellion and halfway just self-acceptance. I’m going to dress like I walked out of Crimson Peak, I’m going to be queer and identifiable only as an entity dressed in bones and fangs, I’m going to do things and try things other people don’t because their identities are in a box, and mine is everything outside of the box. I want to play ttrpgs, read pretentious books by candlelight that make me ponder the human condition, and maybe stick a hand into the BDSM community to see if anything bites.

What does it mean to be a vampire? I don’t think I’ve really got the answer, yet. I think it’s more important to focus on what it means to be you, first, and being a vampire is just part of that. I mean, we crave blood. There’s poetry in that, the depth of connection to another person inherent in consuming what gives them life, a liquid record of their health and wellbeing that you can learn to read with sustained contact. And if we can learn so much from feeding, from the conversation in that, then surely there’s just as much to learn from the hunger alone.

We just can’t lose ourselves to it, I think. Touch grass. Go to the library. Remember thou art mortal, etc, etc. There’s enough angst to fill an ocean, here- but existence isn’t only pain.

Alright, there’s your vampire pondering for the night, I’m gonna go watch samurai movies.

#mod smoke #ramblings #medical sanguinarian #sanguinarian #real vampire

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ofstoriesandstardust · 2 years

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lost pieces pt. iiii

a/n: this piece is very near and dear to my heart which is why i will probably never publish the finished version (because, if we’re being honest, if this were to follow the trend of most of same mistakes-verse and get hate i simply don’t know if my heart or soul could handle that)

piece synopsis: from a fic titled “you’ll lose your faith for a bit and question if she’s you” (or the coming out fic no one but me needed)

lost pieces masterlist | same mistakes-verse masterlist

warnings: internalized biphobia, denial of sexuality, unedited

"She’s so pretty.”

Hangman shifts, turning to look at you. “I agree.”

“I mean, really, she’s gorgeous.”

“Who’s pretty?” Coyote leans over, looking at the phone.

“Hailee Steinfeld.” You respond.

“Second that. Why’re you looking at pictures of her?”

“I think she was in the movie we watched last night.” Hangman responds, nodding down to his phone, looking through her IMDb.

“Oh, what movie? I’ve probably seen it, I love her.” You ask.

“That Bumblebee movie. I don’t know, Hangman picked it.” Coyote responds, throwing his hands up in the air.

Hangman turned in his chair fully, face full of confusion. “Why do you keep doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“You keep-ow.” Hangman turned, glaring at his boyfriend. Your eyes flitted between the blonde and your best friend, who had just pinched his boyfriend and was shooting him a glance.

“Okay.” You say, laughing nervously. “Moving on. I’m hungry, so... food?”

“Javy, I think your best friend is gay.”

“No shit.” His eyebrow raised in question as his boyfriend shifted to sit up against the headboard.

“Really? Did I miss the memo?”

Javy sighs, reaching up to run a hand over his face. “No. I don’t think she knows and it’s not really my place to speculate on her sexuality.”

Jake watched the rise and fall of his boyfriends bare chest, admiring the glint of the dog tags in the moonlight. “But?”

“But there’s a really good chance she’s bi.”

“She ever say anything to you over the years?”

He shakes his head, shifting to look at Hangman in the eye. “No, but she’s said all this stuff, like she did this morning, over the years that has just... made me wonder. And she tries so hard to be an ally that sometimes I think she’s compensating for something.” Hangman reaches a hand out to his boyfriend intertwining their fingers. “I tried once, about a month after we came out to the team. She was super defensive, adamant she was straight, and got pretty panicked so I dropped it. Haven’t brought it up since.” Jake catches his bottom teeth in his lips as he let out a sigh.

“So basically she’s so far in the closet she can’t even see it?” Javy shrugs.

“Maybe. Like I said, not my place to speculate. She’ll figure out or she won’t. That’s up to her.”

“Yeah, but don’t you think she’d be happier? If she knew that about herself?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. Why are you so interested in my best friend’s sexuality all of the sudden?”

“Maybe she thinks Rooster will break-up with her. Kind of a life-changing realization, you know?”

“Rooster’s down bad for her, he ain’t going anywhere.”

“Not if she’s not into men.” Javy moves, pushing himself off the headboard.

“You really think that?” The words are sharp, a little bit defensive, and Jake winces. “You, what, think she just stays with him because she loves him but that’s not enough?”

“No, Javy-”

“Then what, Jake? Think she’s got some internalized biphobia she’s projecting on to herself? This is my best friend you’re talking about.”

“Maybe she is Javy.” Jake whispers and Javy roll his eyes, reaching over to grab a pillow. “Hey, where are you going?” He asks as Coyote moves off the bed and towards the door.

“Sleeping on the couch. Don’t wanna hear this about her.”

“Javy, c’mon, come back. We don’t need to fight about this.” Javy spins on his heel.

“You drop it. Doesn’t matter whether she is or isn’t. Isn’t either of our places to discuss this or bring it up to her.”

Jake sighs. “I just think that maybe she’d be happier.”

“Regardless if she is or isn’t, she needs to figure that out on her own.” Coyote says firmly, but he’s already inching back towards the bed as Jake watches him carefully.

You’re standing at the bar, talking to Penny amidst the loud chatter of the Hard Deck when Hangman slips an arm around you. He bends closer to your ear, words hushed.

“Listen, um, we gotta talk about something.” You swallow, setting your drink down as well.

“Okay.”

“How’d you know?” You hear yourself asking. You aren’t sure why. You’re straight.

“I don’t know, I guess when I met Javy I had this oh moment. Everything about me sort of made sense. I was still a few years out from learning to deal with it but something clicked.”

You bit your bottom lip, turning his words over in his head. You still weren’t sure why the two of you were having this conversation. “Where you going with this Hangman?”

“It’d be okay, if you were.”

“Yes, I’m very aware that it would be. But I’m not.” He tilts his head in acknowledgement and begins to stand up from the sand. All you can do is watch him.

“Okay, well, I mean, it just wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if you were into girls.”

“I’m straight Seresin.”

You were... weren’t you?

“Yeah, I’m sure you are.” He picks his beer up from the sand, turning on his heel to head back towards the bar. You sit there bewildered, turning his words over in your head.

Still, there was some part of you that felt unsettled. Like Jake had prodded at something dormant just enough to wake it up.

“Hey.” You whisper softly.

You weren’t... You were straight. You were sure of it.

...Right?

“-you listening?” You shake your head, eyes flickering back up to your boyfriend. His smile was still there but you could tell it was more forced than anything.

“Yeah, sorry, just zoned out for a minute.” You say, waving a hand. “What were you saying?”

He sighs, straightening up and crossing his arms. “Coyote told me you bailed. Third time this week. He’s worried.”

You shrug. “Just needed some time to myself.” He nods slowly, as if he doesn’t quite believe you.

You wouldn't believe you either.

“Hey, are you okay? You haven’t really been yourself lately.”

“Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to come out to the hangar tomorrow? For the long weekend?” You nod, even though it’s the last thing you want to do with how messy your brain has been lately.

“Sure.” You look to your boyfriend. “Want to come with us?” Your Dad sighs, straightening up, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Actually, I was thinking it could be just us kiddo.”

“Oh.” You say, frowning slightly. “Am I in trouble?” He shakes his head.

“No. Hey, you okay? You got anything you want to talk about?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’m fine.”

Just like how you’re straight?

You brush the thought off, moving to stand up from the bed. “I beg to differ.” Rooster mutters and you shoot him a glare.

“I’m fine. Now I’m tired so if the two of you would kindly-” You motion for them to shoo and they both sigh, exchanging a glance.

“Its like... 7 PM.” Your Dad says, glancing at his watch.

“Well- I’m exhausted, so I’m going to bed early.”

Exhausted of running from who you are?

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