#there's light angst and heavy angst and people have their own personal taste

[anarchy-and-piglins]

This may be an odd question but can whump be too light? Like I am working on something for whumptober rn and it's my first time writing something like this and I fell like I'm going very light on the characters since the really heavy part only happens at the end, making it a bad ending. Would that be an issue? /genq

As far as the event is concerned, there's no such thing as the whump being 'too light'. The prompts are there to have fun with, as long as they're present in the work you make then that's more than enough. So it would certainly not be an issue.

'Can Whump be too light' as a personal taste thing is something else :kekw: People's opinions sometimes vary on how much actual hurt!character something needs to possess for it to count as whump. I'm not super picky (for me it's a lot more important /who/ the whump is happening to, I'm very picky on that front) but I also can be disappointed when something is tagged as whump and the character like, only gets a little paper cut lol.

[queenimmadolla]

𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥

Summary: Tired of seeing Eddie with other women, you reflect on how much longer you can take it.

Warnings: no mentions of y/n, fem!reader, heavy on the angst, hurt with attempts to comfort, both reader and Eddie are bad at feelings, self-deprecation, Eddie is toxic and doesn’t know why, infidelity (but not technically), no happy ending.

The house is quiet as the front door creaks open, you’re quick to slip inside—chill of the October air nipping at your back. The lights are all off and your arms curl around your exposed midsection. It was colder outside but still chilly in your home, your parents out of town on a romantic anniversary road trip. 

  You sigh, tossing your keys on the table to run around searching for in the morning, and make your way to your room with a quick detour at the thermostat to turn on the heat. It’s a blind fumble to reach the antique lamp, once you enter your bedroom, but you refuse to use the overhead light. It would cast your room in non-aesthetic lighting, and you’re already annoyed, pissed off and depressed enough.

  An irritated breath is huffed from your lips, top lip curling as you recall the very reason for your negative attitude, hands yanking your top right over your head. It’s only when you’re in your pajamas, faced with your own reflection as you prepare to remove the makeup that had been so empowering to put on but you can now feel on your face like an unpleasant mask, that you allow the hot tears of anger and hurt to fall. You almost want to laugh at yourself, mouth curling into a bitter smile as you swipe the ponds cream all over your face. As you massage it in, making sure to focus on your eyes, the smile wavers, corners tugging down as moisture still leaks from your clenched eyelids.

  You don’t have to be mean to yourself, you shouldn't. Not when the guy you’re in love with already does such a good job of it.

  You purse your lips, trying to hold back sobs as you recall the images of him all over a girl you didn’t know at a party he’d convinced you to go to. You couldn’t even describe her, couldn’t remember what she looked like—all you saw was your Eddie, the guy who drove you to and picked you up from work, took you on cute dates involving picnic baskets, fields, lakes, empty lots to stargaze in, nearly empty movie auditoriums so the two of you could canoodle, your tongues tasting each other as the two lovers on screen professed their undying love. 

  He even bought you stuffed animals, would pretend to give them life and personalities to go with it, all to amuse you. Did arts and fucking crafts with you. 

  But anytime you so much as brought up the status of your relationship, he’d wave it off, claiming labels were for Petri dishes, not people. 

  You were his girl and that’s all that mattered.

  It’s what you’d repeated in your head the first time you’d seen him playing with Bianca Anderson’s fingers while the two of them were tucked away in the corner of the hideout, after one of Corroded Coffin’s sets. And again when you’d stumbled out of Rick’s house party to see him laid out on the grass, his head in the lap of a former cheerleader from high school he used to admire, her head bowed to connect their lips and his hands in her hair.

  By the time he was tugging at Tina’s hair, playfully shouldering her while they stood in front of the bonfire at another gathering, you’d stopped repeating it in your head. Not even when you watched her lead him to her car.

  You lost count of how many times Eddie had made other girls his, too. 

  And like some pathetic worm with no backbone, you let him. Okay—it’s not like you could physically stop them, though tonight your drink had ended up all over him, maybe that put a little stutter in his plans. But there wouldn’t be a too if you just fucking stopped. 

  Just . . .stopped. 

  Stopped taking his calls, stopped answering your door for him, your window, let your co-worker take over the counter the moment he stepped in, stopped looking for his car, stopped thinking about him and that stupid fucking dimple, stopped thinking about how special you felt when he had your naked body pressed against his under the warmth of blankets, his rough fingertips tracing over your sweaty shoulder. How he’d always get so tender, pull you even closer and whisper how much you meant to him while pressing slow kisses to your face. How he never wanted to lose you, wouldn’t know what to do, couldn’t live. It was the sweetest agony. 

  Most of all, you wish he would stop being there in the morning, all soft breaths and fluttering lashes as he tried to be as close to you as he could, even in a deep slumber. It’s how you know he means it. He means everything he tells you. There is truth to those sweet nothings, declarations, proclamations. You know it. 

  And that’s why it all hurt so bad, because you know he cares about you as much as he says he does and he still always fucking hurts you, always breaks your heart, but because you know he cares, you’d just let him back in like some fucking clown.

  He gets to break you over and over again and you let him because he always puts the pieces back together.

  You know what people say about you—everyone knows the two of you are involved and they’d see him out and about with others. Your fumbling answers about what the two of you aren’t just make it clear to them that you’re a doormat and you can’t even deny it. Just avoid their pitiful looks thrown your way.

  After washing your face, you take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror; eyes rimmed red, lashes clustering together, face etched in misery. When you can’t stand the person on the other side of the mirror any longer, you flip the light switch and leave the bathroom, pick your favorite tape to listen to, set the volume low and slip into bed. 

  You’d teetered with the idea of smoking a little, but that would just stave off the heartbreak. Might as well feel it in the moment while you still have the sense of mind before—

  Knock, knock, knock.

  A humorless chuckle escapes you, muffled into your pillow as your eyes slip shut. Sometimes by the front door, just about always by the window. You think it’s another one of his little relationship doorstops; can’t be serious with you if he uses your window to sneak into your house, it’s much too intimate to walk through your front door. 

  Of course, he can’t let you have a moment of peace, not even when you’re down. No, he has to fix you now. That’s how the toxic cycle goes. So, dutifully, you play your part, though this time, things have changed.

  You toss the blankets off and pad over to your window but you don’t open it right away. Instead, you stare at him. Take him in.

  Eddie is in different attire, shirt and jeans swapped out for one of his old club shirts and some sweats. His hair isn’t as voluminous, it’s wet. He’d had to shower to rid himself of your wine cooler. There’s no trace of the Eddie you saw at the party, this one has eyes filled with sorrow and depth, almost like he’s known nothing else. You know better. 

  Please, he mouths through the glass. You stare a beat longer before the latch is unlocked and he’s hastily pulling it open, clambering in ungracefully. 

  As you watch him gain his footing, part of you wants to taunt yourself about how you’ve let this man, so below your league and wonderful, ruin your life. He’s hot, sure, but you're hotter. That’s just the truth. You denied it a lot at the beginning of your shitty cherished relationship, felt so insecure to have a man like him paying you attention when he can have everyone. But he was no man. And he still had everyone along with you. Those pitting glances weren’t just because of what you let him put you through, it was because they knew you could do better.

  For some reason, the idiot who got his shoe caught on the window sill is the one your heart wants. 

  God, you hate him.

  Rolling your eyes, you go back to your bed, climbing back into your warm blankets. Your back is to him, yet you can still feel his hesitance, see the look on his face, how his adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard. His stare is intense but it doesn’t unnerve you. Not this time. You feel the bed dip as he climbs in behind you. 

  There’s still some distance between the two of you, you can tell he’s uncertain. Then, he scuttles forward until he’s pressed to your back, arm slipping around your middle to drag you impossibly closer. 

  He’s surrounding you, the scent of Eddie’s all-in-one shampoo and body wash filling your nostrils, underlying smell of the joint he’d smoked to calm his nerves before coming over, and the cheap body spray he’d soaked himself in to try and hide it.

  “I didn’t fuck her,” he whispers, lips at your ear. “Swear I didn’t. Couldn’t.”

  You don’t say anything, just stare at the poster of Roxette pinned to your wall. His arm tightens around you and you can feel his heart hammering against your back.

  “I-I couldn’t do that to you,” he continues and you huff, that bitter smile from earlier returning. Eddie goes stiff behind you, but he has nothing to worry about. You won’t kick him out, won't toss him to the curb like you should. You both know you won’t. He knows you should, knows he hurts you and he honest to god doesn’t know why. Couldn’t tell anyone to save his own life. 

  He just—he just fucks shit up. It’s not self-sabotage because Eddie knows he risks losing you and he doesn’t want to, doesn’t ever want to exist in a world where you don’t want him, don’t want to be with him.

  But he still does it anyway. Still goes and kisses girls knowing you’re watching, does worse when you’re not. 

  The worst part—other than hurting you—is that he doesn’t even want them. Not really. Other than in that moment, Eddie couldn’t give a single shit about them beyond being a Good Samaritan. It’s you he wants all the time.

  You’re the only constant thing he needs in his life, wants around him all the time, craves, lusts after, loves, cherishes. For the rest of his life. But Eddie hurts you, and he doesn’t know why. 

  That’s why he can’t be your boyfriend. Evidently, he’d be a shit one. Not that he’s doing a spectacular job being your…whatever it is he was, whatever the two of you were. 

  Yes, he always fucks up, but he keeps part of you safe from him by not being your boyfriend. One day, you’ll leave him. 

  He knows it. It scares the shit out of him and he prays to deities he doesn’t really believe in that it won’t happen, that he’ll get this shit together and make right by you, but he knows you’ll leave him. You genuinely deserve better. 

  “I wish I didn’t know you,” Eddie tenses once more at your voice, at your statement. It’s said with nonchalance, like you were commenting on the weather. He relaxes, heart clenching in pain as he somehow holds you even tighter.

  “I know.”

  “I hate that I love you. Wish I would just stop.” You shimmy around until you’re facing him, Eddie’s hold on you loosens to allow it, and when you’re settled, he pulls you close again, your nose nudging along the neckline of his shirt.

  “I know.” He whispers out again, vision blurring with unshed tears. He loves you, too. Neither of you ever say it directly, just make references to it. 

  “I will, though. Maybe not tonight, but I won’t always love you.” It’s said with certainty. You’ll take this treatment for now, but you know you won’t forever. Despite the pathetic place you’d found yourself in tonight, again, you’re making strides. Gone was the loser who would just watch him betray you after spending the entire day making you feel like the two of you were the only ones on earth who mattered. Tonight, you’d stepped in. You were growing more self aware. Soon, you would stop answering the door. Stop answering his calls. Stop loving him. 

  And you’d look back and cringe, maybe laugh with your friends about how stupid and naive you’d been. You’d move on, too. Meet someone who treats you as good as Eddie does when he isn’t sucking another girl’s face. They won’t kiss or fuck anyone else, they’ll only ever know you from the moment that spark ignites. You might worry from time to time, effects from Eddie, but they’ll gently coax it out of you, build your trust up and one day you won’t worry. All you’ll know is their love.

  Yeah, you’d stop loving him.

  Eddie makes an indistinguishable sound, you know he’s fighting sniffles. Can hear the emotion in his voice, “I know.”

  You nuzzle your face into his chest before your cheek settles there, listening to the fast paced beating coming from within it and you wonder if it’ll happen tomorrow. If you’ll wake up, see Eddie sleeping in your bed, and have your first thought be how much you want him out of it and away from you without a trace of fondness for him. You’ll just wake up and not love him anymore.

  You slip a leg between his to tangle your limbs, breathing in his scent as deeply as you can when your eyelids flutter shut.

  And while you spend your last moments of consciousness hoping tonight’s the last night you’ll let him hold you, Eddie spends the rest of it wide awake, and hoping. Hoping if he doesn’t fall asleep, he won’t wake up to you telling him you don’t love him. Hoping he’ll miraculously become a better person for you overnight. Hoping he won’t lose you.

  Hoping you’ll always be his girl.

divider ℗ cafekitsune ♡

[deleteddewewted]

Long Distance relationship HC W/ König

MDNI

W: NSFW, Sub! König, Dom! Reader, Long Distance Relationship, Fluff, Angst, Orgasm Denial, Teasing, Cute Babygirl König, Bestfriend Elias (He's his wingman and hypeman), Cum Eating (He tastes himself)

He's such a sweetheart. He sends you pictures of strays he finds or of himself doing the most mundane things when he's at the base.

Doesnt matter how far into the relationship you're at, he's still kinda insecure about his face and sending you pictures that show his face.

He has his friend Elias though, so the guy gives him pep talks to boost his confidence.

Sometimes he does it too well cause you'll be getting a whole 12 pics of him in a span of 5 minutes all different angles and levels of motion blur.

Emoji user so expect kissy faces and hearts at the end of messages.

He texts you at ungodly hours but he'll stop if you ask him to.

He will stay up late in order to send you a good morning text.

He sometimes holds onto his pillow and pretends it's you.

You both have met a few times in person but even then it didn't feel like enough for him.

He wanted to envelop you in his arms, keep you flush against his body, and just lay there forever.

(Such a romantic, I know.)

He wishes he didn't need to leave your side but he also knows asking you to move with him wherever he goes is risky and inconsiderate of you.

He'll never make you choose so instead he promised you he'll be the one asking for a transfer once he feels ready/is forced into a less demanding position.

He just wants to live with you in the end.

He dreams of little kids running around in the living room while he embraces you from behind and lays his head on top of your own.

He can feel himself blush every time he dreams of you both finally being together and having a family.

He calls you sometimes, maybe even facetime you if he feels confident and does things with you.

He eats with you on facetime, gets himself ready for the day, changes clothes, takes a shower, cooks, anything really.

He just wants to pretend that you're both together and do theses mundane things together.

NSFW

He's so horny and it's somewhat pathetic.

He whimpers every time he jerks off and it's cause he's so sensitive. The tip of his cock is always this deep red and it looks painful.

He likes to tease himself by dragging his fingers over his length and over the veins and thinking it's you doing this to him instead of himself.

He doesn't know if cumming at a picture of you on his phone is creepy or not so he never asks you to send him anything to help him out.

If you do send him nudes or videos, maybe even audio, of yourself masturbating just know that he's going to be running to the community showers or finding some storage closet to get off in.

Because he's so pent up he needs to be quiet when he gets off. He's sharing a room with other people and sometimes the bases he's staying at doesn't provide individual barracks.

Fucks his pillows or makes a makeshift pocket pussy that he can fuck into like a dog.

In the rare case, he gets his own private barracks, he's calling you and you're both going to have some cute phone sex.

Cute phonesex? How?

Well, he's a talker and a whiny guy so he's throwing out praises like your some kind of divine being.

"Bit- Bitte! L- let me cum meine liebe~" He almost screamed into the phone but he'll be ok. He won't go against anything you say or do.

He wants to please you no matter if it means he'll have to go the next 48 hours or week hard and uncomfortable.

When he does get to cum he's thanking you profusely.

"D-anke, dan-ke, danke~!" Breathing heavy and light-headed he still finds it in himself to be grateful for you helping him relieve some of the tension he's been having.

What a good boy.

He stays on the line for a while longer just to tell you just how much he loves you and can't wait to meet up again.

He wants to hold you and take care of you and its painful to watch you take care of yourself after he got off.

He feels like it's unfair but he promises you, even though it's not necessary, that he'll devote the entire time to taking care of your needs.

Don't skip out on the praise either. He likes being told he's your good boy.

Give him kisses too. The feeling of your lips on his face is reassuring.

But, while you're both apart, just tell him that you love him and can't wait to be with him in person.

That's all the motivation he needs to make sure to keep his injuries to a minimum.

[https-furina]

✎ when you love someone. ft. lyney x fem!reader content: heavy angst, death/murder, fontaine archon quest spoilers, detail to injury, ooc lyney while i’m practising. not proofread. w.c. tba.

there's a melancholic harmony that comes with dating that infamous, ash blond magician who's name is uttered from every fontainian's mouth across the country. 'he's miraculous!' they exclaim, eyes glittering like stars as they leave the opera epiclese, grins wide on their faces. he truly is, you think to yourself as you follow the crowds out on some evenings after witnessing your boyfriend's abilities for the nth time. yet you also know better than this. the lies intertwined between soft kisses shared in the moonlight and the forced smiles he'll throw in anyone's direction.

lyney knows better too when he fumbles for his house key, a gloved hand fishing into his pockets to pull out the cold metal. a prospect he never thought he'd grasp when he devoted himself to the orphanage beside his sister, starved and defensive. there's almost a pained smile on his face when he calls out to you that he's home. at this hour of the night, the court of fontaine is a quiet city, especially in this quarter. the night life clings to the hotels that bustle with activity, drinks and other numerous acts that people indulge themselves in to drown their pains out - but he knows that the house he'd made a home with you was never this quiet.

it's a strange thought to him that you'd ever go to bed without waiting up for him first - that was your favourite routine, curled up on the couch with a plate of fresh conch madeleines you'd baked earlier in the day. a crocheted blanket would be draped over your bare legs, one of lyney's own white dress shirts hanging flimsily from your frame with the buttons done up. he would grin at the imagery if only it wasn't for the slow, tense anxiety creeping up his spine, leaving a trail of hairs standing on edge at the silence you'd left him with.

"ma chérie?" he calls out again, that sweet nickname rolls from his tongue like it has a thousand times before since you started dating. it's familiar, it tastes warm and like your homemade cooking you'll bring to him before his shows - a comfort he'll cherish no matter how much his acts crumble him.

you knew months into speaking with lyney that he worked for the fatui behind that whimsical act of a magician. you remember that tight feeling that choked your lungs for breath, you remember the vivid way the corners of your vision darkened and his words echoed in your head. he looked so pitiful, his brows knit together and a beautiful glitter to his lilac eyes when he's on the brink of tears from your lack of response.

growing up, you recall the stories your parents and elders had spat in distaste regarding the fatui - snezhnayan scum, good-for-nothings, troublemakers that cause nought but harm wherever they go. you truly believed that lyney was none of these, how could he be? he'd swooned you so lovingly after one of his shows on a starry night, having caught your eyes in his audience. he claims it was love at first sight, the cheesy phrase making you giggle whenever he'd reference it. he'd whispered sweet nothings in your ear the first night you'd shared a bed together, fingers dusting down your body in feather light touches like he considered you porcelain.

surely these were things that proved his innocence? that proved the truth in his words when he first mumbled 'i love you' against your soft lips midway through a kiss? you gave him his chance and lyney was determined to not let his affairs as a fatui member ruin what he had with you. things were perfect for the upcoming year, even if that smile he flashed to anyone who looked in his direction was so fake that you could almost grimace.

it is not lyney that anyone should have doubted the faithfulness of - the safety that his arms brought you. it is the fatui, the harbingers, the organisation that tears lives apart for their personal gains. it's the promises to protect their members' families and loved ones that fall on deaf ears yet feed their members' minds with relief and keeps that every faltering loyalty in check. they have them wrapped around gloved fingers that are ready to snap at any moment.

lyney kicks off his boots by the front door, twirling his hat as he hangs it next to your coat. in his younger years, he'd debated what the meaning of love was. he'd thought over the concept of a home - of four walls that were safe and permanent. every time something took a wrong turn in his life, he considered if he was capable of being loved, perhaps if he was even capable of loving too. if there was one thing he was certain from his time with you, it was that you'd proved him wrong.

his legs carry him tiredly up the staircase, his footsteps light as he steps over a particular floorboard he has memorised that creaks - just in case you'd truly gone to sleep without him tonight. the silence is deafening, he can't even hear the faint sounds of your breathing from your shared bedroom where the door is cracked open and the moonlight floods out like a liquid river. he glimpses red through the crack and his brow furrows in concern, picking up the pace of his steps.

the world you'd built with lyney crashes down the moment his hand - free of its glove - pushes the bedroom door further open and his eyes fall onto your body. you're limp on the floor, laid on the soft, fur rug you'd begged lyney to buy when you were furnishing your first home together. he still vividly remembers the beam you gave him when he caved and agreed. there's a pool of blood around you, drenching that cream fur and seeping into the floorboards beneath you. it's oxidising, darkening - how long had you been here like this?

lyney falls to his knees beside you, your blood soaking through his stockings and wetting his skin but he shrugs the uncomfortable feeling away when his hands push you onto your back, your head rolling to the side limply. your eyes are white, rolled back but there's a look of fear written across your face and lyney's eyes begin to sting with the idea that you'd been scared in your final moments; no, he refuses to accept that you're dead. you're simply injured, passed out - he'll get you to a doctor and he'll never let you out of his sight again.

but the waterfall of red that decorates your neck and stains his white shirt he knew you'd be wearing tell him otherwise. his hands clasp at your cheeks, cupping the cold skin as his thumbs desperately rub at you in hopes that you'll come to, smiling and reassuring him. he blinks the tears in his eyes away but all they do is fall down his pale cheeks in precious streams of emotion when he doesn't wake up. he doesn't open his eyes again to see sunlight streaming through the light fabric of your bedroom curtains. he doesn't hear his favourite laugh in the whole of teyvat when you notice he's woke up. the silent atmosphere is still very much present, tense and ready to be sliced with a knife.

the only sounds are lyney's jagged breaths, desperate as he starts to hyperventilate to get air into his lungs. he presses his ear to your chest, not caring if his blond locks fall into your blood as he frantically searches for your pulse, a sign of life. there is not even a shallow breath that falls from your chapped lips.

you had taught lyney many things in the time you'd devoted at his side, things that the fatui could never teach him. you taught him how it feels when you love someone but as he releases a pained cry into the night, you'd also taught him the anguish that comes from the decision of trusting the fatui the way he had before.

© https-heizou 2023.

[kookslastbutton]

Those Eyes Chico ༓ myg (m) | Teaser

✒ Summary: As the new marketing director for Min Yoongi’s upcoming D-Day album & tour, you’re expected to bring your expertise to the table. This shouldn’t be a problem—you’re the best in the business and you’re used to drawing a strict line between your professional and personal life. But what happens when the lines you’ve fought to keep as separate blur for the first time?

pairing: idol!yoongi x plus size!poc!reader

genre/AU: angst, fluff, smut, slow-burn, coworkers2friends2lovers, winter setting, forbidden love?

word count: tbd, 835 for this teaser

warnings: oc is 28, Yoon is 30, oc is not originally from South Korea, oc has light brown eyes, swearing, mentions of alcohol consumption, mentions of anxiety, panic attacks, body insecurities, fear of being blacklisted, emotionally restrained Yoon, mentions of smoking, unstable parental relationships, conservative parents, mentions of therapy, mentions of dating scandal, eventual sexual content, and more specific warnings per chapter.

now playing: Sweet Dreams by The Last Shadow Puppets

a/n: Okay this has taken over six months to release but it's finally beginning and I am super excited to share! 🫣 I am low-key terrible at choosing a proper teaser so hoepfull this works haha. ANYWAY, this series is dedicated to my wonderfully crazy friend and beta, Gloom @theuselessdaydreamingidiot, and to all our fellow Yoon lovers bc we miss our sweet man SO MUCH 🥺 Enjoy! 🥰 Also huge thank you to @itaeewon for designing this beautiful series header! Love it!!

Series Masterlist

“Did you get the files I sent to you?”

The woman nods her head in affirmation while sweeping a few pieces of her long, silky hair behind an ear. To strangers, she appears to look about 24 which is only four years younger than yourself but nonetheless she’s the same age as you. Hei-Ran is her name, meaning “graceful orchid” according to Korean translation.

Hei-ran is one of Hybe’s newest hires and based on her experience, a near perfect fit to being South Korean boy group Tomorrow X Together’s new marketing manager. Until about three months ago, this had been your job.

You never imagined giving up the position after three years of working in the role. But with December right around the corner Hybe had other plans for you.

"Graduated summa cum laude with a bachelors degree in BTech in Electrical and Electronics Engineering and a MBA in Marketing from NYU Stern. You worked two years as a brand manager for U.S record label Atlantic Records immediately after graduating, and are now working at BigHit Music as a marketing manager for TXT including liaison with their global marketing team.”

You recall PD Bang’s voice vibrate in the back of your mind from mid-August. You thought you were called into his office to discuss details of TXT’s latest promo, so having your resume read back to you was a sweeping curve ball. Your determination must have far exceeded the heaviness you felt in your chest because before you knew it you, you were shaking hands with your boss in acceptance of your role – the new marketing director for Min Yoongi’s upcoming D-Day album & tour.

The tedious knot that’s formed in the nape of your neck reminds you that as surreal as the situation might be, it’s undeniably real.

Months spent drafting a comprehensive marketing proposal for D-Day; often until the wee hours of the night, inevitably takes its toll on even the mightiest of warriors. An entire new team of fifty people, all of who you’ll be in charge of orchestrating for the next eight months, doesn’t provide much to relief either.

You’re excited nevertheless. Working with one of the most respected artists in the music industry is an opportunity you couldn’t let slip by, especially since the album’s rock-inspired genre aligns closely with your own music taste.

“Thank you so much for helping me get settled __,” Hei-ran’s gentle voice returns you to the present. “I appreciate the time you’ve taken these last few months to train me despite the tight deadlines you have.”

Smiling, you shake your head. “It’s no problem at all and if there’s anything you need in the future, feel free to give me a call or stop by my office.”

“On the 16th floor right?”

“1656A. Take a left off the elevator and walk to the end of the first hallway. The door on the right is mine.”

Referring to any room on the 16th floor as your own is something you don’t take lightly. For one the offices are double the size of any other office spaces in the building. Yours in particular has a giant skyscraper window draped with heavy white curtains. Secondly, the floor above is the 17th floor which is exclusive to Hybe artists only.

"How's the proposal coming along, by the way?" Her curiosity is palpable, genuine in its nature. You’ve always appreciated that in an individual.

“It’s done,” you respond. “Only thing left to do is to prepare for our meeting with C-suite executives next Monday. It’s nearly perfect as is, but the presentation could use a bit of refining in terms of organization.”

Hei-ran is silent for a moment longer than usual before her next inquiry, which is undoubtedly the question on both of your minds. “I can't help but wonder what it'll be like to meet him for the first time,” she muses.

You don’t bother asking for clarification on who the “him” is; you’re already well aware that it’s Min Yoongi. The same subject has managed to intrude your own thoughts more and more as the date of meeting him draws closer. It's peculiar honestly, considering you’ve encountered him before. Granted, it was only a small handful of times the hallway, both heading in opposite directions. Min Yoongi typically greeted you with a hoarse 'Good Morning' those instances, along with a curt nod of his head. You would nod back with a brief 'Morning' yourself. Deep down you feel he'd make a quality friend, though it's only a premonition. It’s not like you actually know much about him beyond those small exchanges.

"I'm not sure what to expect, honestly," you admit. "I imagine it'll be similar to previous professional collaborations—composed, focused, and intense. D-Day is poised to become a global sensation for the next year, so it's going to need our full, undivided attention."

Hei-ran gives a knowing nod. “Good luck __,” she wishes you well as you head towards the elevator doors. Breaks over, back to work.

a/n: Chapter one will be released soon 🙃 Thanks for reading the teaser!

Masterlist | Requests: closed | Taglist | Fic Recs

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[hier--soir]

tender is the night [for a broken heart]

joel miller x f!reader

pairing: ex-boyfriend!joel miller x f!reader summary: a birthday dinner gets interrupted by a drunk ex, who still can't say the words you need to hear. warnings/tags: [18+ MINORS DNI] jackson era, ex-boyfriend!joel, crying on your birthday, angst, insecurity, joel can't express how he feels, nothing is resolved at the end, a drunk teary dilf. word count: 2.6k masterlist a/n: ouch. was in the mood for angst and hopelessness apparently? it hurt to write so it very well may hurt to read. enjoy!

The table was a disastrous mosaic of dirty crockery and full glasses of wine. Countless empty serving bowls were strewn to the far edges of the wood. Plates crusted with sauces and relishes were framed by purple rings where wine had stained the table. A Victoria sponge with the words ‘another year!’ written across it in a cinnamon dusting—because “we couldn’t figure out how to make icing”. Amidst it all, candles rested on simple saucers, wax dripping down their sides as small orange flames sent plumes of smoke towards the ceiling.  

Those glowing flares sent shadows flickering across the table. The light reflected shards of yellow and white on the faces of your friends, highlighting drunken smiles and heavy lids over shiny eyes. Hushed conversation on one end of the table mirrored by raucous laughter and jeering on the other; the people closest to you, come to spend an evening together in celebration.

You were happy. A tingling sensation resided within you, vibrating in the space between the tips of your toes and the top of your skull. And yet, you couldn’t shake the ever-present reminder of something being missing. Or, someone, rather. A large, person-shaped hole existed in the room – in the space beside you. A cold patch of air that should’ve been warmed by an additional body. An empty chair at the the table, with no one to fill it.

The sharp clinking of a fork against glass caught your attention. Sydney was perched at the head of the table, messy haired and wide eyed. Unbeknownst to you, she’d taken the time to retrieve a fresh bottle of wine from the kitchen, and now stood over the group, crooked teeth on show as she beamed in your direction.

“Sooo,” she teased, dragging the word out and wiggling her eyebrows jauntily. “We’re here to celebrate a very special person.”

A chorus of cheers and whoops rung out along the table, and that warm feeling of happy, I am happy simmered in your chest again. A—dangerously full—glass of wine was held in your hand, and you sipped the crimson liquid leisurely, savouring the taste as it swum down your throat and into your full belly.

“Our dear, dear friend,” she said your name softly. “You mean so much to us all. No words could describe how grateful I am to have found you in this disaster of a world, and how pleased I am that our paths crossed after so many years of solitude.”

Jesse leant in from the seat beside yours, circling a lanky arm around your shoulders. You dipped your head in his direction to offer up a shy smile.

“You deserve nothing but the best,” Sydney continued, her eyes softening. “Here’s to another wonderful year with you, my friend. Happy birthday.”

You raised your glass into the air, laughing as your friends lifted their own to meet it. Glasses clashed in a boisterous toast, wine sloshing over rims, creating a new pattern of imperfect blots on the table.  

“Alright, alright,” you chuckled, motioning for them all to settle down. “This means so much to me, really.”

You paused, soaking in the sight of their faces. Soft lipped smiles and bright eyes, gazing at you with nothing but love. “Thank you for coming. Thank you for the cake, for the wine. It means the worl—"

A sharp knock at the door cut you off.

All heads ticked in the direction of your entryway. Eyebrows drew together, friends glanced around, assessing who was missing from the table. A short, wary giggle loosed from your lips as you placed your wine glass down.

“I’ll, uhh—” you rose from the table. “I’ll go see who that might be.”

Before you’d taken a single step, you noted your pulse quickening.

He wouldn’t, you thought lamely, walking slowly towards the door. Surely, he wouldn’t.

Not today, of all days.

Not after months.

But you were lightheaded from the wine, the critical thinking part of your brain thoroughly fogged. And so you gripped the handle and tugged the door open without properly preparing yourself for if it was him, and then—

He would.

Today, of all days.

After months.

He would, and he did.

You balked at the sight of him. The cool evening air rushed in through the open doorway, and you could see dried yellow leaves smattered across the front porch – victims to the Fall weather. You noticed his boots first, unable to drag your gaze from the ground. Bulky, black boots that stood on the faded wood of your porch decking, crushing those flaxen leaves beneath them.

“Darlin’.” That deep, ache-in-your-stomach-inducing, nauseatingly familiar Texan drawl.

You recoiled at the sound of it, instinctively taking a step back into the house and away from the door, away from him.

He mirrored your movement, feet dragging his body a tedious step forward, until he rested atop the welcome mat. The thick, sour smell of liquor wafted through the air, and the tip of your nose scrunched at the overbearing scent. You finally allowed your eyes to drift up his body; past the wrinkled blue jeans, the dark green flannel, to rest on his face.

His beard was unkempt, curly hair unruly and a little longer than you’d seen him have it in all the years you’d known him. Dark irises bordered by bloodshot whites rested in the middle of his face, framed by heavy blue under-eye bags that hinted at a blatant lack of sleep.

As you took in his appearance, Joel spoke again. “Happy birthday.”

His words had a slow, lilting slur to them, and as he stood there a soft, dopey smile stretched across his face. The crow’s feet by his eyes made your stomach twist into knots, and had you fielding an onslaught of memories of how you used to lay tender kisses against the wrinkled skin, whispering how much you loved those marks.

You were aware of how chatter at the table had died down, silence descending upon the house as your guests comprehended who was at the door.

“Joel,” you cleared your throat in an attempt to mask your tone of stilted surprise. “I—”

“How are you?” he took another step forward, scraping his shoes on the mat as if he were about to step inside.

Instinctively, you shot a cautious glance at your friends. Jesse had risen from his seat and was watching the interaction warily. He’d had his fair share of troublesome run ins with Joel lately and was on guard in an instant.

You ignored his question. “What are you doing here?”

“I was…” he paused thoughtfully, tongue darting out to wet his cracked, pink lips. “Could I come inside for a minute, sweetheart?”

The sound of glass breaking snatched the response from your mouth, and Joel’s brow pitched down in concern. The pair of you looked in towards the table, where a red-faced Sydney was clambering to collect broken shards of a glass that had been knocked to the floor.  

“Oh,” Joel’s voice came quieter this time, sounding somewhat dejected. “You have guests, I-I’m sorry to, uh, to intrude.”

“We were just having dinner,” you said quickly, heat soaring through your skin as you noticed how his face had fallen, drunken smile nowhere to be found.

It hurt how much you wanted to reassure him. How you wanted to reach out and place a hand on his shoulder, to tell him that you would never celebrate your birthday without him.

Except you couldn't say that. Didn’t reach out to touch him, or to reassure. Instead, you let your words hang in the air for him to interpret as he wished.

“Right,” he nodded quickly, eyes glazing over a little.

The air felt thick with tension, a heavy silence permeating between the two of you and the guests around the table. Everyone’s eyes were on you, trying to gage your reaction. Your chest felt tight, every breath painful as air clawed its way in and out of your lungs.

“Hey,” rough fingers grazed your cheek, and your breathing hitched. “Why're you cryin', sweetheart?"

You hadn’t noticed the tear falling until he swiped his thumb below your eye, brushing away the wetness. The feeling of his skin on yours after so long caused a thick set of tears to fill your eyes. You swallowed them down quickly, sucking your lips into your mouth as you tried to keep it together.

Through blurry eyes you could see the concern on Joel’s face. He still looked so handsome. Even when it was clear he hadn’t been taking care of himself, even when he was drunker than all hell – he was so beautiful that it hurt.

“Why today?” you cursed internally at how feeble you sounded.

His hand dropped away, lips forming your name in a soft exhale.

“Don’t,” your voice hardened. “Just—tell me why you’re here, why today.”

“Let’s not fight,” he said faintly. The breeze shifted towards you, carrying the heady scent of whiskey that coated his breath. “Not on your birthday.”

“We aren’t fighting.” Your fingers sought out the doorhandle again, using it’s sturdy weight to ground yourself.

He was practically swaying on his feet, broad torso tilting slowly from side to side. “Feels like we are,” he confessed, thick eyebrows drawn across his forehead. “Y’hardly look at me anymore when I pass you in town.”

The dull ache in your chest intensified as you noticed tears glistening on his waterline all of a sudden, poised to fall at any moment.

“Joel, I don’t…” you sighed softly, eyes glancing out to the empty street as you tried to steady your breathing. “There’s nothing to fight over anymore – it’s done. It’s been months… I have nothing else to say about it; about any of it.”

He was silent for a long moment, cracked lips pursed as he digested your words.

“I’ve missed that,” he finally murmured.

“What?”

He hiccupped softly. “You sayin’ my name. S’my favourite thing in the world.”

“Jesus,” you muttered, although your heart stuttered at the words. “Can I get someone for you? Ellie?”

“No, don’t—” another hiccup “please don’t tell her.”  

“You’re drunk,” you admonished, quiet enough that your friends wouldn’t be able to hear.

His fingers gripped the lapels of his jacket, drawing it tighter around himself. He seemed shy beneath your gaze – almost unsure of himself, now that he was actually stood at your door.

“I miss you,” his low voice cracked and trembled. “Thought about you all day, couldn’t stop myself from comin’ over.”

You shivered, wrapping your arms around your torso to protect from the cool wind.

“And?” you rasped wetly. “You still can’t say it, though, can you?”

He stared at you, glassy eyed. His mouth opened, and the words, “I need you” tumbled out.  

“God, you’re such an asshole,” you scowled, eyes widening in desperation. “Why the fuck did you come here?”

“Where else would I go?” he implored. “Just wanna be wherever you are.”

You fell silent. Your heart thrashed inside your ribcage, striking rhythmically against your sternum in sharp jabs. It felt as though the crack down the middle of your heart, the one that you’d been working tirelessly to mend, was torn back open, a fresh wound once more.

“You know how I feel about you, darlin’,” he tried, taking another step forward.

“No,” you hissed, feeling almost hysterical as you held a hand out to stop him. “No, I don’t. For years I tried to figure it out, Joel, years, and I’m still at a fucking loss.”

“You’re the one who wanted time apart,” he bit, top lip curling in frustration.

“I never wanted whatever,” his hands gestured wildly between the pair of you. “this is. Never wanted to be away from you.”

You stared listlessly at him. “Yes,” you nodded. “I wanted time apart, because you needed to figure out what you wanted.”

“I know what I want,” his eyes blazed. One of his hands pushed forward and hovered over yours for a moment, dark eyes gaging your reaction before he allowed the digits to rest over yours. He squeezed your hand once, softly, and then held it. “You know it’s not easy for me to… to say these things.”

“It’s not easy,” you choked out. “To share two years with someone and then—fuck—to hold my heart out on a platter, to tell you that I loved you, over and over again, and never once hear it in return." Your chest heaved with jilted breaths, eyes widening as you spoke. "And it was okay, at first; I understood. I know what you’ve been through, but… it scares me, Joel, not knowing. And I trust that actions can speak louder than words, and that you have shown you care for me but… but maybe I’m weak – because I need to hear it. I need to know.”

A tear finally spilled, cutting a fierce line down his cheek, and disappearing into his beard.

It felt like you were baring your insides to him for the millionth time. Spilling your guts onto the ground before him and foolishly hoping that he would help to tuck them back inside where they belonged. Hot, red, pulsating matter that ached for him to take it in his hands, to caress it carefully, and whisper that yes, after all this time, he loved it.

You’d almost forgotten that a room full of people could hear your every word, and yet you found yourself uncaring.

Let them hear it, you thought. Let them see your love, your earnest, your honesty, and let them ache with you as it was not returned.

“Baby,” Joel squeezed your hand again, voice low like a warning. “I do, okay? I do.”

Please don’t do this, his eyes were screaming.  

“I don’t want to have to beg you to love me, Joel.”

“Let me come inside,” he pleaded softly, through steadily falling tears. “Let me stay with you. I’ll show you, okay? I just need some more time, sweetheart, please.”

You smiled sadly and raised your clasped hands to your mouth, pressed a delicate kiss to his palm. A glistening streak painted his skin where it had touched your tear-stained face.

And then you let his hand go. Watched it drop down to his side, palm still held up to you. As if that were its naturally resting state whenever you weren’t holding it.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” you said, voice thick.

His fingertips grazed your shirt as he reached out again, but you had already taken a step backwards, out of reach.

“Pleas—”

“I love you,” you murmured brokenly. He finally fell silent, wet eyes widening at the words; at the simplicity with which you’d spoken them. “Please get some sleep.”  

Joel blinked, wiped tears away with a rough hand. Nodded twice, torso swaying precariously as he spun on his feet to leave. You watched his back retreat, a fresh set of tears spilling onto your cheeks.

He paused then, only once, at your letterbox. Fingertips trailed over the lettering that spelt your name, and he spared a single glance over his shoulder.

“I’ll be back,” he said, just loud enough for you to hear over the soft Fall wind.

And as he departed, boots leaving your porch to stamp heavily across the grass and onto the road, that feeling of loss returned.

So short lived was its departure, and his return. Yet as Joel ventured into the darkness, avoiding the shining light of streetlamps, his absence curled around your being once more, greedily slinking into the space where he had stood.

You met it fondly, embraced the cool feeling as it floated over your skin, stroked your hands and face and held you in its grasp. Something to sit with – something to remind you, as you waited.

And you knew you would. Wait for him, that is.

As long as it took, you would wait, against your own better judgement.

For you loved him. Even when he couldn’t say it back, you loved him.

[neesieiumz]

basorexia ⸺ chapter 3⇥ emulation

professor!shouta aizawa x teaching-assistant!reader x professor!keigo takami

series warnings ⇥ 18+, smut, power imbalances, dumbification, blackmail, yandere tendencies, you’re probably not gonna like Hawks in this one, miscommunication, angst, stalking, dub-con, black-coded reader, hopeful happy ending, soft-dom!Aizawa, power-dom!hawks (I don’t know if this is what you call it, but he relishes the power he has over you.), love corner (because it’s two people liking one person, making it a corner), hopeful happy ending.

series summary ⇥ living on the edge, sleeping, and having a relationship with your boss was never on your bucket list but here you are. Locked within a tangle of arms together, you thought nothing could touch, but soon one will find out how much obsession can open all secrets. For both you and everyone around you.

masterlist. taglist.

chapter summary ⇥ the table is set, after a week of images of you and Shouta being sent to your phone, held over your head, you come face to face with the person... who may not be what you expected.

chapter warnings ⇥ no smut in this, but minors still do not interact. blackmail. betrayal.

word count ⇥ 4.9k

You haven’t slept a wink.

At first, you tried to pretend that nothing happened, fell right back into Shouta’s arms, and continued to sleep. All you could do was glance at your phone, plugged up into the wall. However, no sleep was owing to you, you were tired, but your heart column stopped racing. Before you knew it, it was daylight, the sun peeking through the horizon. 

Sighing, you pushed Shouta’s arms away from you, quietly tiptoeing out of the bedroom, and headed down towards the kitchen. Sniffing as you open the fridge, pulling out one of Shouta’s beers before closing it. You walked over to the drawer, pulling out a bottle owner before popping the metal cap up, steam willowing from the bottle stem. You drank some of it straight down, walking towards one of the bar stools, pulling it out, and sitting down. Grimacing at the bitter taste, remnants of the man laying his head upstairs. You continued drinking the beer as you stared out into nothing, your mind spiraling yet empty at the same time. 

What were you going to do?

Sighing, you closed your eyes, flashes of your phone appearing in your mind. 

I know your secret angel, ;-)

Gasping, jumping slightly as you opened your eyes, your breath shaky as you did so. Your heart pounded as you got up, pacing around the spacious kitchen as you did so. The photos of you and Shouta were from all around the town, but the one that disturbed you the most was of you entering his car, earlier that evening. If it wasn’t for the other pictures, you would have assumed someone had found them by mistake, but they weren't. Other pictures of the two of you, getting close, were too close for people to obviously see what was going on. Shouta always and constantly told you to be careful, even though he constantly broke his own rules as well. 

Now it backfired in both of your faces. 

Would you tell him? Do you break the allure between you two? That his job, and your career within the sciences, that there was now a very real possibility of it being gone forever?

Finishing the last of the beer, the smell of bitter wheat is on your breath now as you walk towards the sink, rinsing the bottle before placing it in his little recycling container. You let out a huff of air, the smell of the kitchen bringing you back down to earth. The overwhelming feeling of sleepiness began to weigh upon you, just the feeling you were looking for in drinking. With heavy eyes, you headed right back up the stairs, into the bedroom before climbing right back into SHouta’s arms. Like clockwork, you could feel his arms wrap around you, pulling you in like a teddy bear. Taking a deep breath, the light smell of his cologne brings temporary peace to your raging mind. Slowly, your eyes close, the smell of his light snores and rumbles lulling into your deep, alcohol-permeated sleep. 

You blinked down at the new text message you got, holding a spoon over the bowl of cereal you made. It was an unknown number, yet the contents had you realize that it was from the same person who had emailed in the wee light of the morning. It was morning time now, all quiet as Shouta was not a morning person so he wasn’t even awake just yet. You had cleaned up and showered, wearing one of Shouta's smaller shirts that he gave you with a pair of baggy sweatpants. 

He had sent another picture of you and Shouta, walking very close to each other, his hand lingering around your waist. This was during the summer when you were interning under him to prepare for both of your master’s programs. It was when your relationship was just beginning, the two of you just getting closer. Taking a breath, you moved to put your phone down, only for it to ring again. Glancing at it, revealing another text message, nothing but another photo, 

Who are you??

You sent it before slamming your phone right on the table and focusing right back on your cereal. You could take a couple bits before a ding went off, relaxing a bit at the recognition of it being a text tone, instead of your email tones. You picked it up, expecting to see something from your cousin or your friend, only to stare wide-eyed at the message from an unknown number. 

You’ll find that out soon, won’t you?

Anger and fear ravaged you, you thought you were being careful. However, it didn’t matter. Someone has been watching you, and Shouta for at least a month, if they knew how much Bambino’s even meant to you. They might have been watching you before that. Hands shaking and trembling, you angrily typed out another response to this person. 

Please just leave me alone!!!

Just as you sent it, but before you could slam it on the table, a voice ripped through the tense silence. 

“Cereal for breakfast again? Thought we talked about this?” Shouta’s raspy, gruff morning voice cut through your somber mood.

Gasping, you wipe away the welling tears before he could have a chance of spotting them before turning around facing with the best smile you could muster. You flipped your phone into its screen before walking towards it. He was shirtless, hair out of its ponytail, dripping with water with a towel draped around his shoulders. Slithering your hands around his waist as he did yours, you leaned, pouting out your lips for a kiss with him happily obliged. The two of you rested at that moment, deepening the kiss, the feel of his wet hair and damp body pressing up against him. Soon the two of you let go, before walking around to the kitchen. You sat back at your cereal as he walked over to the fridge, pulling out a carton of eggs and milk.

Smiling, “I just had a real bad craving for fruity pebbles.”

He frowned a bit at that, “you only eat that when you're stressed, what’s up?”

Immediately you shook your head, heart dropping at his slightly concerned countenance as he turned towards you, “everything’s fine, I was just really craving fruity pebbles.”

He nodded his head slowly, glancing between you and the bowl in front of you before turning around, and walking towards his stove. 

“Still, cereal isn’t a good breakfast so there better be room for something more in there.” Was all he said, pulling out a plastic bowl. 

You smiled, gazing at his figure as he moved around the kitchen, preparing scrambled eggs for the both of you. Despite everything, he knew you so well, you couldn't help but think. Every time you found yourself spacing out as you stared at him, your eyes soon fell on your phone, which beeped again with another text notification. Quickly, you reached out, turning your phone on silence before looking back at him.

That can wait, pushing the impending threat out of your mind. You smiled as he mixed the eggs together, pouring in some milk as well to make the scrambled eggs mixture. As he cooked, your eyes raked over his form, staring at him as he moved around to grab things on the counter. 

Shouta soon finished teh eggs, placing the perfectly cooked breakfast right in front of you, paired with a silver fork. You smiled at him, slightly pushing away your bowl of cereal before thanking him. He said nothing, grunting before sitting right in front of you. Grabbing the fork, you began to eat, a comforting silence falling over the two of you as well. 

That was until the silence was broken, by the sudden vibration on the table. The two of you glanced down at the table, seeing your phone jerk from the vibrations. It was just one before it became two… and soon notifications came through back to back. Quickly, you grabbed your phone, not even glancing at the notification as your phone quickly unlocked. Tapping into your settings you turned ‘vibrations on silence’ off before slamming your phone on the table, focusing back on your food.

“So who was that?”

You glanced up to look at Shouta, who had looked away from your phone towards you. You shook your head, heart pounding within your ears. 

“Just some annoying classmate in my chemistry research lab,” you fibbed, looking down at your plate, and taking another bite, “nothing I can’t handle.”

He hummed, focusing back on his food. Unconsciously, you let out an internal sigh, relaxing slightly, and glancing back at your phone. With that, you continued eating your food, forcing yourself to stop looking at your phone. 

After breakfast, you helped him grade the last of his papers, lying lazily on the couch as you did so. Soon after, the two of you cuddled on the couch for some old movies, sharing short commentary between the two of you as you did. All while you did that, splayed across the couch, laying your head in his. His one hand resting on your thigh, stroking it slowly as he watched the flat screen tv. ringing in the back of your mind as your phone lay on the counter where you left it for breakfast. Soon, he dozed off once again, his hand falling off your body. Glazing up between him and the area leading to the kitchen, before slowly lifting your body up. You placed his arm slowly on the couch, before walking back to the kitchen. Locking eyes with your cellular device, you picked it up before turning it towards, the screen waking up once you did.

All across your screens were notifications from your messages, all you knew came from the same number. With a deep breath, you unlocked the phone, revealing the messages all over the screen. 

I don’t think you want me to do that

That was in reply to the message you had sent him, along with another picture of you and Shouta. 

So if you want these to stay hidden, you’ll do the following:

In a week, you’ll go to Bambino’s at 8, and wear exactly what you wore, the first time you went there

Trust me, I’ll know

Here's the name you give the hostess: Hauck.

Aww, where’d you go?

Oh I see

You're with him

Enjoy your time with him

You’re gonna miss it.

A hot tear streamed down your face as you saw the last message, your heart was thrown into anguish. What did he mean by that? Letting out a shaky breath, there was only one thing in your mind to do.

You wrote out a reply,

Fine, I’ll do it.

He had been torturing you all week. You could barely pay attention in class, every few minutes, he would send you another photo. It wouldn’t matter where you are, in class, during a study group, and especially while you were with Shouta. You had placed your phone on silent, turning off all vibrations, and yet it didn’t matter. You relied on your phone for work, for anything, you couldn’t pull out your laptop, every time you needed to reply to a student, or whenever an email from another faculty member needing documents. 

However the photos, despite how gut-wrenching they were, weren’t the worst part. 

Not only was he sending you those photos of you, but he was also sending these messages. 

You look so pretty while wearing blue. 

Is that a new bag, did Aizawa get that for you?

And every time he would send these, they would send another picture of you and Shouta as well. They were taunting you, knowing the anxiety flowing through your body. You twirled a twist in your hair, fiddling with your pen as you sat in Shouta’s office, gazing off. It was all silent between the two of you, as you worked separately on your own work, however, you couldn’t do anything, just staring off at your laptop, no words, no nothing coming to mind.

“...ello… hello? Yo!”

A hand suddenly shook you, awakening you from your trance. You jumped, before glancing up before eyes landed on familiar warm golden-brown eyes. Hawks smiled down at you, moving his hand from your shoulder. 

“Is everything okay?” He asked you, voice laced with concern.

Twisting on a fake smile, you looked up at him, “I’m fine thank you. Just working on this assignment.”

Hawks glanced between you and your blank word document, before shrugging his shoulders, fluttering around before sitting at the other chair at the table. 

“Keigo, how many times have I told you to stop coming to my office like this?” Shouta spoke up from his desk, not even looking up from his desktop. 

Hawks smirked, pulling out his phone, and leaning back before speaking, “such a sour worm, Aizawa. Relax a little! Plus I’m finished with all my work, so I came to grace you with my presence.”

You smiled, your heart lifting just a little as the two of them continued to bicker. Their loud voices helped you out a bit, taking in their argument as you focused back on their computer, chiming into their conversation ever so often. You relaxed just a bit, completing your assignment before getting a text from your friend to meet up. You smiled over at the two of them, packing up your things.

Hawks glanced over at you, “hey, where are you going to?”

“My friend, she wants to meet up for a late lunch so I’m headed off to meet her,” you said, sliding your laptop into your tote bag. 

Hawks hummed, glancing up and smiling a bit before waving you off. Shouts glanced up from his own laptop, his eyebrows perking up a bit before also giving you a short wave. You eaves back at him, before walking out of the office. As you walked down the hallway, headed towards the elevator, your phone lit up. Heart-stopping for a bit, only to realize the message was from Shouta himself. 

Didn’t get to say a proper goodbye because of the nosy bird, but I’ll be sure to give you one before you leave for the night. 

You smiled, to the point of your cheeks hurting as you sent a reply before fully focusing on your destination. You soon met up with your friend, the two of you sitting down at a cafe right on campus. The two of you talked, having a wild discussion concerning her own love life and your “lack” of. As the conversation settled down, the two of you soon returned back to your own destination, Shouta’s office in mind for you. As you walked back, your phone lit up again, you hadn't gotten a single text from the stalker since you left his office. So assuming so, you thought this was Shouta, considering you just texted him about if he was still in his office. 

You hadn’t smiled all week, love, but I’m glad I got to see it in person once again.

This time, it wasn’t a picture of you and Shouta, but rather a picture of you, walking away from the cafe… A picture of you right now, smile wide as your heart froze, as you glanced around. Looking for something, anything to indicate that you could find the person. People walked past you, walked around your fidgeting figure as you paced around the sidewalk, holding your bag close to you. 

Your phone lights up again. 

Don’t bother looking, just remember, tomorrow is the day. 

Be there, or else.

The dress was pure white, silk in nature too. It was expensive, and one of your most precious gifts from Shouta. As you entered the restaurant, you smiled at the hostess manning the front podium. Your long braids were in a ponytail, with the curled ends tucked up, clipped with a beautiful butterfly clip. You smiled at her. 

“Hi, what is the name on the reservation?”

Your mind flashed back to the name revealed in the text messages, one of many you got in the morning. 

“Hauck,’ you said, a forced smile on your face. 

She glanced down at her tablet, smiling before looking back up at you.

“I see you, your other party has yet to have arrived, would you like to be seated?”

You told her yes, following after her as she led you inside the building. As you passed all the tables, your heart, which was already beating with so much worry, recognized the path on the way to the private rooms. Your intuition was correct as she turned down the hallway, revealing the sliding doors, each adorned with their own numbers. She led you down the room until your eyes set on the familiar number, two with the attached door.

It was the same private room Shouta got you when you came here. Was this person hellbent on recreating the first time you ever came here?

You shook your head, clutching your purse close to you. No. That couldn't be, this had to be a coincidence. 

The woman smiled, opening the door and revealing the private room, looking just the same as it did a month ago. You smile at her, thanking her before entering the room. The seats were made of black velvets, comforting, and the ambiance a warm glow, much like an amber-filled sunset. On the table, two glasses sat, one in front of each seat. A bottle of wine caught your attention, soon realized that it was the same brand of wine you and Shouta drank together. As you faced forward, sitting in the very same seat as last time, wearing the very dress that you did so… Everything was the same from that night, everything except for…

Laughter echoed through the room, a glass of wine being shared between two souls, in which nothing else mattered but the two of them. 

“Okay, so it wasn’t just me then?”

Shouta shook his head, cheeks warm from the constant flow of wine, “nope, it was not just you. She’s like that with everyone, you’ll get used to it.”

“Get used to it? Yeah, right,” you rolled your eyes, before picking up your glass, and sipping down the rest of your champagne. 

Dinner was long done between the two of you, dessert already packed up and ready to be taken out. However, you were waiting for Shouta to feel comfortable enough to drive you two back to the hotel. You probably should have encouraged him to drink as much as he did, even though it was three glasses, you both agreed you’d rather wait. Plus, this room was expensive so you two would make the best of it as much as you could. 

“She needs to understand that she can’t treat everyone like that before she makes the wrong person mad.”

The two of you were discussing one of Shouta’s fellow professors, an old head that was recently tenured. While helping Shouta run some errands concerning the anatomy labs before the week-long break, you ran into her and it wasn’t a very pleasant meeting as well. 

Shouta chuckled at your words, before drinking down the cold glass of water the waiter had given him. As you drain you stared on, smiling. Once he finished, he looked at you, before asking why you were looking at him like that. 

“Playfully rolling your eyes, you reached out to him, “thank you, for this, for today, for everything. I know you were against things like this, but you still did it. Thank you.”

He squeezed your hand before lifting it up, giving it a kiss, “you know I’ll do everything for you.”

“Wow, you really do listen.”

Shattering your memory, your eyes widened at the voice towards the entrance… the familiar voice as well. Slowly turn your head, making eye contact with golden-brown eyes. Glancing up and down his full figure, he was wearing a white shirt, holding his suit jacket in his arms as he stood within the doorway. Your eyes not leaving his form as he thanked the hostess who brought you here before walking inside. The hostess slid the door close, so it was now just the two of you. 

Hawks said nothing as he walked over to you, placing his jacket on the backrest of the chair before sliding into the chair. He grabbed the menu sitting in front of you, flipping through it before looking back up at you. He smiled, to others, it was an innocent one, but that smile paired with those eyes, filled with malice. 

“Have you looked through the menu yet? Get whatever you want, you know it’s on me.”

You still hadn’t said anything, still looking straight at him, eyes glazed over.

Hawks.

It was Hawks.

Keigo. 

The same man who was helping you with your thesis paper. The same man who you would meet up with for coffee, and talk shit about your fellow co-workers. A flash of him in Shouta’s office a couple of days ago came to your mind, his huge smile denoting him. You thought back to every single encounter with him, was it a lie? Was everything about you two’s friendship a lie? What was his problem? How did he even find out? How…

A snap broke you out of your trance, turning and facing Hawk— Keigo once more.

“Everything okay there? You haven’ even touch the wine I had the waiter bring.”

Blinking, you glanced over at the wine glass, which was now filled up halfway. You looked back at him, saw him lean back into his seat, and turned to the seat as he swallowed his own drink down. Sighing, nodding his head as he faced forward, placing his glass down on the table. He took another look at you before sighing and reaching down in his pockets. 

“Think it might be best if you take a sip of the wine, it's your favorite right?”

As he said that, something hard fell onto the table. You glanced over to where the sound came from, only to see his phone placed right on the table. Heart pounding as the screen came on… only to find a picture of you and Shouta staring right back at you. Your eyes flicked between him and his phone, before slowly reaching towards the glass, and picking it up. Swirling the wine in your glass, you wafted it towards you, the familiar smell and nothing extra hitting your nose, before taking a tentative sip. 

He smiled as you said, “it… it is my favorite, and it’s good. Thank you, Hawks.” Your voice came out a bare whisper, as you began to slowly place it down. 

He chuckled, “I know I told you to call me that, but I think a night like this constitutes my real name.”

You blinked, slowly nodding your head, “well, thank you, Keigo.”

He inhaled deeply at that, leaning back as he did so. The waiter soon came into the room, not before giving a knock and Keigo telling him to come in. He asked if the two of you were ready to order. You glanced down at your unopened menu, before looking at the waiter, however, Keigo spoke before you could even think of saying anything. 

“Yes, calamari for an appetizer while I’ll have the lobster tail and she will have the surf and turf dinner, everything well done of course.”

You blinked, no words coming from you as the waiter said of course, before taking the menus from in front of the two of you. Even the meals were the same, Shouta had gotten the lobster tails while you wanted to try a bit of everything, so surf and turf were perfect for you. The waiter smiled, saying he’ll be back with your orders before waking out of the private room. The moment he slid the door shut, the two of you turned to each other, looking into each other's eyes. His eyes were lowered, not once leaving you even as he reached out to his nearly empty glass, before downing the rest of it. Your ears were hot, it was taking everything in you right now to now burst out into tears right here in this restaurant. Reaching over, you grabbed the wine glass, drinking down a lot more than your previous sip. He kept his eyes on you as you did so, not saying anything as you suddenly grabbed the bottle, filling up your now empty cup. 

“You might want to slow down there, huh?”

You looked over at him, bitter words of anger threatening to spill from your mouth but your eyes fell right back on his phone. You took a deep breath, and another sip of your wine, before placing both right back on the table. He smirked the moment he did that, sitting up straight in his seat.

“So humor me,” he stared, as he leaned into his seat, “for the next two hours this,” he held up his phone, “doesn’t exist.”

You blinked between the device and him. How truly deranged was this man? This man that you trusted, who would help you, who you would call a close friend. If there was someone you would tell about you and Shuta first, it would have been him. Did you ever really know him? He awaited your answer, waving the phone in his hands. You knew, deep down, this wasn’t a question, but a demand, do it, or this email is sent out to everyone that matters. Slowly, you nodded your head, agreeing to his terms. 

He smiled at that, before sliding the phone right back into his pocket. The waiter came back, holding a steaming hot plate of fried squid. He placed it between the two of you, along with placing two much smaller ones between the two of you.

“Will that be all between the two of you?”

Keigo pulled out his award-winning smile, “yes that will be it, thank you very much.”

The man smiled and nodded before taking his leave once again, leaving the two of you alone for another 10-15 minutes until your food was ready. As you waited, Keigo easily started a conversation, as if it was one of the times you were getting coffee. No matter how much you tried to lie to yourself, Keigo knew how to bring something out of you. You couldn't help the smile on your face as you relax more and more, the wine he was feeding you, helping your loosening of behavior. You drank more and more, and the food soon came, but yet you two couldn't stop talking, Keigo only interrupting to ask for two glasses of water to help sober the two of you up. 

“So out of all the books in the world, Green Eggs and Ham had the biggest impact on you?” You couldn't help but ask, snickering as you took the final bite of your dinner. 

He shrugged his shoulders, wiping the drip of garlic butter from his face, “I can’t help it, it truly,” he sighed dramatically, “inspired something in me.”

You snickered, “a children’s story… should have expected it honestly.”

“Glad you think so highly of me.”

The silence soon settled after his words, reaching over to finish the last two of your wine, before reaching over the bottle. Right as your hand is clasped around the neck of the wine glass, a larger hand soon clasped around your wrists. You looked up, looking Keigo right in the eyes as he pulled your hand away from the alcohol, before pulling you up to your feet. Your heart was racing, not fighting him as he pulled you over to him, standing right in front of you. He then pulled you down, his other hand sliding onto your side, dangerously close to our bottom. You tried to pull away but his grip kept you right there, his other hand leaving your own before caressing your skin. You swarmed, wriggling away from his touch but aching pressure had you gasping, keeping you right in place. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he mumbled under his breath, his hot breath fanning against your face. 

You flinched trying, to move back. Your fingers trembling and anxious as his thumb reaches down to your lips, pressing up against them before slowly pulling your bottom lip down. The light pink gloss on your lips stained his finger, but he ignored it as he continued to gaze at you. 

“He doesn’t deserve you,” he said next, his hands sliding up your arm.

“Keigo,” you began to protest but he shushed you, before pulling you right into his lap. 

He forced your lips to split around him, resting on each side of the chair. One hand continued to rest on your ass, while his other hand went back up to your face, resting right under your chin. He steeled his hand, forcing you to look into his eyes once again. You let out a shaky breath, unable to look anywhere but his eyes filled with sinister intentions. 

“Keigo… What do you want from me?” you whispered to him, eyes welling with tears. 

He took a breath, “all I need from you, all I need from you, is to do exactly what I say when I say it. Do that,” his hand suddenly left your bottom before holding right up to your face, suddenly revealing his phone. 

“And everything on here stays on here, and nowhere else.”

<<<<previous. next>>>>

taglist: @deegausserr @ryutotsukai0824 @lik0 @yaygurist @megnotfound

[sil-writes-fiction-too]

A Moment of Distraction

Gale x OC!Tav

Genre: hurt/comfort with just a dash of angst

CW: bodily harm, injury, blood, gore

A/N Here's June of Doom, Day 5! This time with the "It's not as bad as it looks." prompt paired with the "Bite" and "Swelling" prompts. Just some delicious battle aftermath for Gale and Summer this time around (there's plenty of time for more heart-wrenching angst). @juneofdoom . Also don't call out my absolutely wrong use of the Infernal language, I kinda have my own tweaked version of it so if it doesn't check out that's why.

The stench of blood and guts hangs heavy in the air. Summer once heard someone say that one never really grows accustomed to this scent but she is starting to doubt the truth of that statement. By now this smell accompanies their little ragtag group's everyday endeavors. The sticky, slimy sensation on their skins, the taste of copper in their mouths, the red staining their vision...

Luckily, they seem to be competent enough to ensure that most of it doesn't belong to them. In the beginning, Arwen had expressed with Summer her worries over taking in so many strangers. She was fully convinced the two of them would have to pull all of the weight and babysit a bunch of stumbling, incompetent fools, before being stabbed in the back by at least one of them (to be completely fair Astarion didn't make such a good first impression)... but she was wrong.

Sure, some of them aren't really physically strong, but not one of their new companions is a damsel in distress, that's for sure. It's been a while since Summer's last felt like this. Confident in her allies' ability, not having to constantly keep an eye on them for fear of having to rescue them while she tries to fend off the enemies. The fight is getting to her head, she is entering that particular mind space where everything blends together in one seamless dance. The crushing of bones, the slicing of skin, the stabbing of bodies and the clashing of metal all together in one blurry cacophony. Summer would like to think of herself as a good person, but it's at times like this when she has doubts. No matter how many people call her a hero, a friend, a good fucking person... she likes all this. Likes the fighting, the warm splash of blood on her face, her claws ripping through flesh and the smell of burning skin... her enemies falling at her feet as she triumphs. She wonders if this is Doskan's doing, or if she is just a fucked up person deep underneath. The heat of the fire and the raging inferno inside of her soul makes her hope the former explanation is more accurate than the latter.

Maybe it's this freedom to slash and bash without fear, or her ever-present internal crisis that dulls her perception, but the core of the matter is that all of a sudden something heavy smashes into her, throwing her to the ground with a fierce, deranged growl. A sharp pain explodes in her left shoulder, spreading through her arm and chest, and more warm and sticky blood pours onto her red skin. Her blood. Goddamn gnolls.

She finds herself wrestling with the beast, gripping at its muzzle to try and pry its maws from her poor shoulder. She manages, and the rest of her efforts are spent trying to push the snarling creature off of her, but the pain shooting through her shoulder makes it impossible for her to put her whole strength into it. She sees herself getting a faceful of sharp teeth, but before her grotesque imagination can become a reality, a bright, blue and purple light flashes from somewhere at her right, followed by a loud boom, and the ferocious gnoll is blasted away with a yelp. It crashes into a nearby rock wall and then limply falls to the ground. Dead.

"Summer!!" Gale's frightened voice reaches her ears even through the ringing in her head. Fuck, that was loud. She sits up with a groan, grimacing at the painful sensation now spreading through the entire left side of her body. "Ffitch", she curses when she sees the gaping wound in her flesh that's dripping blood and soaking her clothes. Great.

"By Mystra's mantle, what happened back there??" he exclaims as he wraps an arm around Summer's back in order to keep her propped up. "Ah, I guess I slipped up" she says sheepishly, grinning at him through the pain. "It's not funny!" he bites back with a surprising amount of anger, catching her off guard.

"Woah, Gale, I'm fine. See? Still breathing, still here among mortals-". He shakes his head in disapproval at her words, urging Wyll over so he may help him lift her up to her feet. The last gnoll has just been slayed, and now everyone is gathering around with varying degrees of worry plastered on their faces.

"Oh come on guys, don't look at me like that..." she looks around with a dash of confusion and perhaps even a little bit of annoyance. She's not annoyed at them, in truth, but at herself for being such a klutz in the middle of a battle.

"Okay, don't just stand there like a bunch of idiots. Let's find a place to camp and get Summer the help she needs." Arwen's harsh voice is the first to cut through the awkward silence and the uncertain shuffling of hands and feet. After that they all act swiftly, camp is set up rather quick and Summer finds herself laying down in her tent with Gale and Shadowheart sitting at her side. The cleric is in dire need of rest and that becomes apparent when her attempt at healing Summer's wound fails miserably. Unfortunately all the group has left is a small potion of healing so... traditional medicine it is!

"Go and take a rest Shadowheart, I can perfectly manage to tend to Summer's wound on my own this time around." Says the wizard as he grabs the healing kit from Shadowheart's hands. She'd insist on helping, but right now she feels like she'd best leave these two alone or Gale will have a nervous meltdown. "Very well, but Arwen will punch you in the face if you mess it up. No pressure." She says with her snarky smile before getting up to leave the tent. Her little quip would usually pull at least an amused smile from him, but not this time.

Silence falls between Summer and Gale, and it's definitely not the usual, comfortable quiet that comes between them whenever words are no longer necessary.

"I need you to take your shirt off" he say with a sigh, his hands tightening into fists in his lap. She'd normally crack a flirty joke at him for saying something like that, but for some reason she feels like that might not be the best idea right now, so she does as she is told, unfastening her corset and pulling her blood-stained shirt off of herself. At least it didn't get stuck in her horns, she thinks. That would be embarrassing.

It's subtle, but she hears Gale's breath hitching in his throat as soon as her wound is uncovered. She notices the tension in his body and how his agitated expression turns into one of pure worry. Summer is quick to look down at her shoulder and then back up at him again.

"It's not as bad as it looks" she says softly, propping herself up on her elbows. Gale's eyes snap to her face at her words and he opens his mouth in what she can only assume to be bewilderment.

"Not as bad as it looks?? Look at it!" he gestures to her shoulder with wide eyes, flabbergasted by her behaviour. A full bite mark is embedded in the flesh of her shoulder. Even though the blood has stopped flowing, the wound is of a dark crimson color that somehow looks even more sickening on her naturally red skin. Had the gnoll gotten a better grip on her, a good chunk of her flesh would be missing right now. As if that wasn't enough, the skin around the wound is swelling and getting irritated. It ain't pretty.

She huffs a little in exasperation, but doesn't find it in herself to actually be annoyed at him. Actually she is quite endeared, but she'd better not say it out loud right now.

"I mean to say that I am okay. I mean, it hurts like a bitch, but I've definitely had worse before. This is nothing compared to other things that happened to me." She tries to smile reassuringly at him, but he definitely misses it as he's already fully focused on treating her wound.

"You're not okay. You're hurt. And I, for one, fail to see why you would be so reckless in front of a pack of gnolls! I expected better from you Summer! It was right there, you couldn't have possibly missed it! Honestly! What if you- you...! What if you didn't-" he stumbles over his words, suddenly failing to find what he wants to say to her, and Summer feels his hands tremble while he patches her up. Before Gale knows it, she is grabbing one of his hands and bringing it up to her lips, then down to press against her chest. Right there, her heart beats strongly in her ribcage. "I am okay." She repeats with more sincerity in her voice, staring right into his eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize what it must have looked like to you when it happened. I didn't mean to scare you".

A trembly sigh falls from his lips and he slowly relaxes, suddenly feeling incredibly tired. "Just... please be more careful next time. I saw you, you were... absent." This time it's her turn to sigh, perhaps to gather the courage to acknowledge his correct observation. "I was. I'm sorry. I promise I'm not trying to be so reckless while we fight." She smiles at him, and this time he returns the smile, even if wearily.

"Gods, don't do that to me..." He leans his forehead against hers. "My heart can't take losing you. Hells, even seeing you hurt proves to be too much sometimes." She answers with a small, breathy laugh, her eyes shut in contentment at the contact with him. "I know. But I hope you know that the only thing stronger than my will to live is my will to come back to you at the end of the day, no matter how gruesome the battles become. You won't get rid of me so easily, Gale of Waterdeep." She grins at him with that sparkle in her eyes that simply makes him melt like butter in the sun.

"I couldn't ask for anything better." His smile turns warmer as he cups her cheek in his large hand. She leans her face against the warmth of his palm, sighing softly. Then, her eyes crinkle again and another grin curls her black lips. "That was an impressive rescue by the way... got me all hot and bothered." She jokingly wiggles her eyebrows at him and he huffs in amusement, leaning back as his eyes roll in exasperation. "Of course."

Her contagious laughter can be heard even from outside the tent, much to the group's relief.

[kissmetae]

The Defectors

Yoongi || Sci-Fi (space) AU

❧ AU: Strangers>Benefits>Lovers // After experiencing a violent crashlanding, you wake up in a foreign elite-force ship. You don’t remember what happened… You’re injured and lost. But the new crew onboard treats your wounds and helps you heal… in more ways than simply applying ointment to the area. The crew is equally lost after a mishap of their own and are on a search for the leaders of The Defectors in order to get help…  Yoongi is the leader of the crew and captain and as a captain yourself you find yourself having a lot in common with him and chemistry sparks… more than you initially expected it to. It turns out, the help the crew needed all along… was you. (Ft: Jungkook and Hoseok)

|| SMUT ft. angst || 17.6k || x reader ||

|| masterlist in bio ||

❧ Rating: EXPLICIT || sexual content, unprotected sex, violence ||  Warnings: weapons, blood, (burn-)injuries, death, partial memory loss, crash-landing

❧ Smut features: Licking, a lot of tongue, tongue kissing, he likes your throat (no choking), begging each other for praise, almost-caught, greedy/needy, many various positions, top/bottom/behind, fighting for dominance, dom!Yoongi vs. dom!reader... and a dick joke

❧ A/N: There is an extra treat if you like tattoos... // Bias swap w/ @syinisuga​

❧ Disclaimer: This is fiction. Actions and events in these stories are often exaggerated and to a certain degree unrealistic.  Please have this in consideration when reading fiction, especially if it includes sexual content.

---------------------------------

The whistling sound of the wind was cancelled out by the ringing in your ears. Every sound was muffled like you were under water and your head felt heavy, like a piece of heavy metal was resting on it, holding you hostage on the ground under its weight. Everything was a blurred mess.

It was dark and with each rhythmic flash of a red light you could see a cloud of smoke and dust around you. You couldn’t move and your skin felt on fire from the scorching heat, sweat dripping down your face. You tasted salt and metal in your mouth, and it smelled like… burning rubber… but it was hard to tell what it came from. There was another loud whistle coming from outside as a strong gush of wind violently hit. Between each red flash all you could see was darkness. Darkness and then the interior of the ship illuminated by the red warning light. Darkness and the body of a crew member… the back was turned to you so you couldn’t tell who it was. Darkness and another crew member lying in an unnatural manner across the ground. Darkness interrupted by a flashlight.

What had happened?

Your head began to beat and pulsate like your heart had changed location from your chest to your skull. The pressure eased but pain took over in a new way, you could feel another wave of scorching heat consume you and it became harder to breathe. Where were the oxygen tanks? A useless thought… you still couldn’t move, and your vision grew even more blurred.

Am I dying?

The flashlight shone in your eyes, blinding you just before you passed out.

“I’ve found a survivor!”

--

The next thing you knew you woke up to a bright white room with an oxygenation mask covering your mouth and nose. Your left leg was wrapped with gauze from the knee to your ankle and an IV drip was attached to your arm. The ringing in your ears had stopped, now replaced by the rhythmic beeping of a heart monitor. You could move again, slightly. Gentle twitch like movements of the fingers and toes. The doors slid open, and the sound of steps followed.

It seemed to be the infirmary of a ship.

A soft gasp escaped the person as you turned your face to look at him and the young man ran back out, yelling “She’s awake!”

A mere minute later 2 more people entered along with him, studying you like you were an extra-terrestrial being and not human as themselves.

“W-where am I?” Your voice sounded hoarse and weak.

“Kepler 442b, we were just about to leave.” One of them announced, sounding sterner than the first guy. His hair was pitch black, parted in the middle but brushed back. He was wearing black cargo pants, tucked into boots and a washed out military green T-shirt.

What fleet was this?

The third guy approached you, dark brown short hair, dressed in similar but grey cargo pants and a fitted black long sleeve paired with an industrial looking harness. His expression appeared concerned as he studied your face.

“Do you remember your name?” He asked.

You did and told him, not that he’d know if it was correct.

He repeated your name back to you. “Do you feel any nausea or dizziness?” He asked and touched various areas of your face, it stung a bit in some parts.

“I feel sore… tired.”

“She needs to eat something.” He told the first man, an indirect order. The first man was also black haired but had longer hair and it was held back by a headband, Black cargo pants and a worn out black T-shirt.

“Do you recall what happened?” He asked and carefully pealed away the bandage around your head.

“Something attacked us…I don’t know what, it happened so fast…” The beeping on the monitor sped up.

“We received the automatic mayday signal.” The second guy said. “But we only found you.”

“But I… I saw the others.”

“That’s not what he means.” The third guy said, making effort to sound comforting.

You swallowed. Suddenly everything felt numb.

“I’m sorry.” He caressed your shoulder.

“I’ll get us out of here.” The second guy said and turned around with a remorseful expression.

“Ok Captain.”

So the second guy was the captain… This man seemed to know what he was doing so he must oversee the infirmary… maybe a doctor or nurse…

“Your head is healing nicely. But let me know if you feel dizzy or nauseas…. Silence is ok. I understand.” He caressed your shoulder again and went to get something in one of the cabinets.

Nobody else survived…

The room vibrated with the familiar hum or a ship engine and you could feel the shift in the pull as it begun it’s ascend.

He proceeded to clean your wound and removed your IV and the monitor. By then the first guy returned with some food for you and they both helped you sit up.

“What happened to my leg?” You asked.

“Your leg is fine, but the skin is severely burnt. You might feel it in a bit when the painkillers ware off.”

“How long have I been out.

“About two days… and a half?” The first guy filled in.

“You’re not part of the higher order, are you?” You asked, hesitating before taking a bite of the food.

They both laughed, which felt reassuring.

“No, never and no thank you.”

“Good, I’d ask you to euthanize me otherwise.” You said and took a bite of food.

“I’m JK by the way.” The first guy said. “I mainly do engine maintenance stuff on board, tech stuff, a bit of everything you could say.”

“I’m Hope, health supervisor.”

You gave him a weird look unintentionally.

“He means doctor.” JK explained.

“I prefer health supervisor, doctor sounds so… official.”

JK rolled his eyes and you felt a faint smile form on your face.

“Yoongi is the captain.” Hope added.

There was a pause as you waited for more names to be mentioned.

“It’s just the three of you?” You asked.

They both nodded.

Your own crew had been 5 people and that was hard enough to maintain everything with.

“But we’re 4 now.” JK corrected.

“What was your role on your ship?” Hope asked carefully.

“… Captain… combat ship.”

JK whistled in an impressed tune.

“Yoongi finally gets his break.” Hope chuckled.

“What type of ship is this?” You asked.

“R1.”

Your eyes went wide.

The small crew made even less sense now.

R1 was one of the elite ranks within the rebellion… They underwent special training for years… R1 ships were equipped with stealth radar technology so they could infiltrate ships and bases of the higher order… like undercover spies or secret agents with license to kill. It had heavy duty combat technology too… you had to check it out.

You quickly finished the last piece of your food and stood up.

“I have to check out the HDC, you have it right?” You said and stumbled slightly.

Alarmed they both grabbed your arms to hold you steady.

“Careful, ok? Yes, it’s equipped with HDC but we haven’t been able to use it for years.” Hope said.

“I disconnected it to save the energy reserve.” JK added.

“Before we give you the grand tour I think you should rest up and maybe have a shower if you can. We’ll get you something appropriate to wear.” Hope said.

You looked down and realized you were dressed in a hospital gown. A shower would be nice…

 Hope escorted you to a room in the ship while JK disappeared to get you some clothes. It seemed… vacant to say the least.

“This will be your room… it belonged to our previous combat commander, so you’ll find some manuals and books on the HDC under the bed if you need them.” Hope instructed.

“What happened to the previous one? Aren’t R1 crews commonly… more people?”

“You’re right… but not all missions go to plan unfortunately. We lost half the crew a few months back… we haven’t heard from the Atlas* since then and we’ve been roaming around just hoping we’d stumble upon the base, I guess. They probably assumed none of us survived.”

*The Atlas: The leading organisation of the defectors.

The conversation was interrupted by JK entering with a pile of clothes.

“I think these will fit.” He said confidently and placed the pile down on the bed.

“We’ll give you some peace now.” Hope said and handed you a tube. “Put this ointment on your leg after the shower, then come to me and I’ll re-wrap it.”

“Thanks.”

--

 The shower was more than needed seeing all the layers of dirt and dried blood wash down the drain. You scrubbed double washed your hair and triple washed your body, keeping your leg elegantly posed away from the water. A drop was enough to cause you to wince and it looked BAD.

You stepped out with a deep sigh, dried off and tied your hair back. The clothes fit but were on the larger side, not that you minded. You pulled the belt tight around your waist so the black cargo pants wouldn’t slip down and tucked the black long sleeve into them. As you bent down to roll the left leg up to your knee (so it wouldn’t touch the burn) a knock was heard on the door.

“You can come in.”

It was JK, holding your boots in his hands.

“They were covered in ash, so I cleaned them off a bit. The rest of your clothes were destroyed, and Hope had to cut some off to… But hey doesn’t look bad.” He nodded approvingly. “In another life I would probably be a stylist.” He said playfully.

He placed the shoes down by you and took a seat on the bed. They seemed to have a hard time leaving you alone…

After applying the ointment to your leg you pulled your boots on and tied them snuggly. You were glad at least one of your items had been savoured for you. After Hope wrapped your leg back up with some fresh gauze JK offered to give you the grand tour of the ship.

You’d already seen the dorms or well… on your ship they were dorms, this was an R1 after all to they were more like suites in comparison.

“My room, Hope’s Room, Yoongi’s room.” JK explained, tapping each door as he passed them. Then lead you out into the commons area. It was a large open space area with a huge table and a lowered sofa, panoramic windows along the wall giving you a view of nebula as the ship cruised. There was what appeared to be a glass conference room with computers off the side and ahead was the control room. JK lead you through the hallway space and you immediately spotted the back of Yoongi’s head in the captain seat. The ship was set to auto-cruise and he was leaned back with his hands tied by his mouth as if he was deep in thought.

It was impressive to say the least. The windows were huge, the disconnected HDC control stole your attention however and you took a seat in the chair.

“This is incredible.” You praised, looking at the controls. You wanted to try it out real bad, you’d practiced to handle it during your combat training but you’d never been near the real deal before.

“You do combat?” Yoongi asked, gaze towards you.

“I am captain of a combat ship… was.”

“Sorry about your loss.” He said, no emotion present in his voice.

“Since Yoongi is free, I’ll let him take over the tour. I have to go check on the servers.” JK said and gave him a teasing pat on the shoulder and smiled towards you.

Yoongi inhaled deeply and let out a soft exhale.

“Hope told me, he said you’d give me a break.” He cracked a smile. “But you don’t have to, I know it takes time to heal from what you’ve just been through.”

“I feel ok, Hope is treating my burn for me.”

“I didn’t mean physically.” He said and stood up. “Take a seat.” He gestured to the captain’s seat.

“What combat did you drive?” He asked as you took a seat.

“An RC64.”

Yoongi raised his brows in subtle amusement. “Vintage.”

“Very, but a charm.” You agreed and caressed the gears. “This is an RR02 right?”

“You been on one before?” He asked, confirming that you were correct.

“Had some runs on the simulator during my training.”

“Let me know if you ever want to… you know. I’ll be your co.”

Was he serious? For some reason you’d assumed he’d be gate keeping like most captains did, but he was offering to let you drive? Not only is an RR02 like three times the size of an RC64 but the gears and buttons… it’s like comparing a bike to a lunar lander.

Yoongi let out a soft scoff. “You look like a child in a toy store.” He said, leaning against the chair.

“No, now that you mention it my RC64 is a lot cooler than this.” You said and gestured wildly towards the hundreds of buttons.

His smile was soft and warm, it made his entire face change its demeanour.  Neutrally he appeared a bit intimidating, but his smile felt the opposite. Approachable, comforting… cute?

“Does it hurt?” He asked and pointed to his own cheek.

You hadn’t seen your reflection yet, so you didn’t know what he was talking about.

“You touched your face and felt something rough. It didn’t hurt however.

Yoongi seemed to understand and waved for you to come with him.

 “Kitchen by the way, maybe JK showed you.” He said and pointed towards a door you passed. “Machine room. It’s just a room with a ladder, the machine room is below us. If you can’t find JK that’s where he usually is.” Yoongi shrugged. “Hope… He’s everywhere at the same time.”

He was taking you back to the infirmary where Hope was currently cleaning up.

“Hope, do you have a mirror in here?” He asked.

“Wall behind you!” He smiled.

Yoongi blushed, feeling slightly dumbfounded. “Here you go.”

 A gasp escaped you.

A huge scar covered the side of your face, starting from the temple down to about the middle of your cheek. Your forehead had a purple bruise to the right bleeding into the temple where the scar began.

You traced it gently with your finger, whatever the pressure had been it must’ve been the cause of this.

 --

 It turned out that Yoongi wasn’t only the captain, he was also the chef. Hope wasn’t only a doctor, he was trained in field combat and JK wasn’t only a little bit of everything tech-mech guy… he was a tech hijacker (or hacker as it used to be called). You were all seated around the big table in the common area eating together. Something you’d been informed by Hope was a more-or-less holy tradition onboard.

“How did you defect?” JK asked.

“My parents defected, I was born into it.”

“Same here.” Hope added between bites.

“What about you?” You asked.

“My brother defected when he was 15 and took me with him, I was 8 or 9.” JK said.

You turned to Yoongi to ask him but felt a gentle tap against your outer thigh under the table by Hope. He was shaking his head and you got the hint. The question was sensitive to some people…

But you were curios… maybe you’d find out one day.

“Now that we have her on-board we could activate the HDC again.” Yoongi pointed out, directing it to JK.

“It’s not necessary if it’s a hassle.” You said.

“What do you mean? You’re going to use it.” Yoongi insisted. “What did you think we’d just drop you off on a random asteroid? You’re part of the crew now.”

“Consider yourself adopted.” Hope added, trying to make light of the serious tone in Yoongi’s voice.

“If you prefer the asteroid, consider yourself kidnapped. Because we’re not dropping you off.”

“I’ll consider myself saved if you don’t mind. After all… you saved my life.”

Hope caressed your back reassuringly. He seemed to be a very touchy person, which was nice. His touch felt safe and comforting.

“Yoongi is the one you should thank.” He said.

Yoongi began to cough and hammered his fist to his chest bone.

“Yoongi was the one who responded to the mayday!” JK called out eagerly. “He carried you back to the ship too.” A vision of Yoongi carrying your unconscious body in his arm flashed through your mind. You looked towards him, semi-glancing at his arms. They appeared strong enough to be able to do that to say the least…

“I’ll go check /cough/ the radar for asteroids.” Yoongi said and left the table promptly.

“He gets flustered when you praise him.” Hope explained with a laugh.

You watched him as he walked away towards the steering room, a hand reaching up to brush his hair back on the way.

 --

 “They’re still tracing us captain!”

“I know! I’m trying!” There was a hard turn of the ship to try and out manoeuvre them. “Going into orbit behind Kapler 442b, the dark will shield us!”

“They have radar!”

“Fuck!” Another hard turn. “It’s pointless to attack, if we do they might open fire!”

Another member was trying to come in contact, desperately questioning what they wanted.

“Why don’t these fuckers have their comms on!?”

A loud thud vibrated through the ship followed by a hard violent hit and every warning light and sirens going off simultaneously in panic. “Gyroscope deactivated. Gyroscope deactivated. Gyroscope deactivated.” “We’re hit!”

You woke up drenched in cold sweat, breathing heavily. You wrapped your arms around your knees, feeling your heart race in your chest as you tried to calm down.

“I need some water…” You mumbled to yourself and got up. You opened the door to your room and made it down the hallway towards the kitchen.

On your way you noticed something you hadn’t before… on the wall was a framed photo.

Seven men, lined up like in a school photo. Yoongi, Hope, JK… and 4 more. On the bottom of the frame was a metal plate reading “Crew: R1-b16”.

You headed into the kitchen and opted for a cup of tea instead and brought the cup with you back into your room. Since you were wide awake now you might as well take a look at those manuals… Anything that could potentially distract you would be good.

 You placed the cup on the nightstand and looked in under the bed. There was a box. You withdrew it, it had some significant weight to it. Inside there were 8 thick books on the HDC, but it wasn’t all. There were several notebooks, a flashlight and a souvenir mug from PA-99-N2.

Eventually you fell back asleep 3 chapter into manual 2.0.

 --

 You woke up feeling slightly more recovered, sleep really did wonders for healing the body. You got up, braided your hair back, got dressed and rolled the pantleg up to your knee. You needed to find something to keep the leg from slipping down and added it to your mental to do list.

Yoongi was seated on the sofa reading something on a holopad, the rest were seemingly still asleep.

He looked up as you entered. His green t-shirt was replaced by a grey sweater today.

“Sleep well?” He asked.

“For the most part.” You said and rubbed your nape.

“What was the lesser?”

“Just… replaying. It woke me up.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t remember much… just that we got hit, like I said. The hit knocked our gyro out and well…”

Yoongi’s reaction spoke for his thoughts. “That’s…”

“The worst that could happen… yeah.” You sighed and sat down next to him.

“And then?” he asked gently, trying not to push.

“We crashed into Kepler 442b.”

“How do you feel?”

“It feels like it was all a nightmare. That it didn’t happen and I just dreamt it, but I’m here and they’re… they’re gone.” You bit your lip to supress the tears.

“Take your time, ok? If you need to talk you can come to me or Hope and JK too. I’ve told them to try and avoid leaving you alone for too long.”

That explains it.

“You’re very understanding. I appreciate that.”

Yoongi, flustered as can be broke eye contact to look down at his hands.

“Just know that we’re here for you… even though you don’t know us that well yet and us you… but we’re crew now. We take care of each other on this ship.” He looked back up at you, still slouched forward.

You wanted to know them well. You wanted to know Yoongi well. There was something mysterious about him and you wanted to unwrap it and read all about it. Your curiosity tended to take over a lot in general but only if the subject of interest fascinated you.

There were many questions to choose from in your mind.

“What’s your current mission?”

“To find the Atlas base.”

Finding the hidden Atlas base in infinite space? Dub thee mission impossible.

“I know.” Yoongi said and leaned back. “It’s impossible, but we’re completely off their radar. We’re technically just cruising around hoping to stumble upon them by chance or ding their radar or something… anything really. With you onboard we can at least move around in the risk zones again since we didn’t have a combat fighter. We tried to self-teach ourselves the HDC but it’s… it’s complicated stuff.” He let out an awkward chuckle.

“I could teach you.”

“That would be incredible… JK will try and get it up and running again today. But like I said… whenever you feel ready. I don’t want to push you.”

“I’ve always wanted to try out a HDC, this is the most excitement I’ve felt in… weeks, months.” You insisted.

His soft grin was back.

“I’ll get us to an asteroid field and you can try it out in all its glory.”

“Target practice?”

“Basically.” He shrugged. “We used to do it for fun between missions back then. It’s sort of therapeutic too.”

“Big stone go boom.”

His laugh was soft and deep.

“To be honest, I think having something to do would help. So don’t worry about pushing me. So far my impression of you all is good, I think it will stay that way.”

His eyes travelled down and up your figure.

“My impression of you is good too… Combat captain.” He smirked. “I bet your crew was extremely loyal and submissive to you.”

“I wouldn’t say they were submissive… we were a team.”

“Don’t be so humble. Did they obey well?” He teased.

“Yes and I’m not being humble I’m being honest.”

“Case closed, submissive.”

“Ok, maybe so be it. But so far you seem to be the submissive one on this ship.”

He opened his mouth in fake surprise.

“You’re wrong, firstly. Secondly, that proves my point. You’ve already targeted me as potential prey.” He chuckled.

“Prey for what?”

He shrugged and stood up.

“Only you know that, but I’m getting away now for my own safety now before you decide to act on it. And I need to locate the nearest asteroid field.”

 --

 JK was kneeling under the control panel of the HDC, plugging, unplugging, and twisting various cables.

“Now?” He asked.

“No.” You said, still staring at the dark panel from the chair.

“How about now?”

“Still no.”

JK sighed and crawled further in. Something sounded like it was unplugged, and he scrambled around and suddenly the buttons on the panel illuminated.

“Now! Now! It’s on! It’s working!” You cheered.

JK crawled back out from underneath and stood up.

“Two of the sockets look identical I must’ve put a in b and b in a.” He said and dusted off his hands.

You shifted in your seat and gripped the gears carefully. You tested the aim, the controls and checked the system status to make sure everything was fine.

“Everything looks fine.” You reassured as JK watched.

“I’ll get popcorn.”

Yoongi has located an asteroid field earlier and until the HDC was up and running you’d been orbiting around a dwarf plant nearby.

“I’ll get us to the field then.” Yoongi said, who had been seated slouched in the captain’s seat watching the two of you wordlessly. He steered the ship out of orbit and off towards the bundle of asteroids. It wasn’t a huge field but enough for target practice and small enough to not cause much damage if the HDC wasn’t fully functioning as it should.

You leaned back in the seat, enjoying the view. The dwarf planet had a copper red hue to it and the field was on the other side in relation to your current position. It felt relaxing in a different sense, you’d get to enjoy this view when you were steering your own ship too but not being in charge of the vessel allowed you to see the view differently for what it was. Simply beautiful and breath-taking.

You looked over at Yoongi. His gaze was focused and his hands held a tight grip of the gears, making his knuckles protrude and the veins on his hands stand out more.

His crew has been searching for the Atlas for months now… a truly impossible mission but not without success… the success so far was the fact that they hadn’t stumbled upon the members of the higher order yet…

“You haven’t stumbled upon the higher order at least.” You said, trying to strike a conversation with him.

“We have a stealth shield.”

“Oh right.” R1…

There was a momentary silence.

“I guess you encountered them a lot.” Yoongi said.

“Well, it was our general mission as a combat ship… along with the fate that comes with it.” You sighed.

“Usually we infiltrate… you could say instead of taking down the ship, we take them down from inside, get a hold of any documents, data or secrets… along with some loot. Then we let it cruise aimlessly on auto so they appear active for the high order. That way they think their fleet is bigger than it is.”

“How many missions have you had so far?”

Yoongi paused to think.

“Maybe 400? Roughly.”

Wow. “Wow.”

“What about you? How many you take down?”

“More than I can count, we were sent to the warzones numerous times too so it must be at least over a thousand at this point.”

“A combat captain with loyal submissive subjects AND a front fighter?” Yoongi whistled.

“Stop.” You chuckled.

“Only the best get sent to the active warzones, I’m not going to pretend like I don’t know that. Now I’m really eager to see how you’ll handle that thing.” He said and nodded towards the HDC panel.

He pushed a button on the intercom. “Hope, JK, come here, we’re entering the field.”

A few seconds later they arrived and buckled up in the seats behind. You strapped the buckles across your chest, Yoongi doing the same to secure himself.

The first asteroid was coming towards you and Yoongi was driving slowly… very slowly. Offensively slowly.

You turned to look at him.

“Some acceleration please.”

He nodded and moved his hand to the throttle and the speed increased substantially.

Now we’re talking.

You pulled the gears towards you, deactivated the lock and freed the gyro. The aim was a lot more advanced than on your ship, making it even easier to lock onto the first asteroid rapidly approaching. Charge, lock and shoot. With a loud boom the asteroid split into a million tiny pieces.

The mix of dopamine and adrenaline was overwhelming.

Asteroids turned into dust in front of you one after one. The HDC was incredible, it felt way too powerful to use on asteroids but boy was it fun.

Each explosion was followed by an eager oooh or waaa coming from behind you as Hope and JK watched in excitement.

“You’re so good at this!” Hope cheered.

“She’s been doing this for years.” Yoongi called out, manoeuvring through the field, and boosting the speed even more. “Her crew was sent to the Active zones.”

A bigger asteroid exploded as it hit.

“I’m not surprised.” Hope said.

“Neither am I.” Yoongi added and you could’ve sworn you heard him whisper “Incredible” under his breathe.

The final asteroid blew up and you locked the gyro back, released the gears and leaned back in your seat with an exhausted sigh.

“That gave me such a rush!” You yelled out, heart racing.

 --

 Later on, the 4 of you gathered around the table for a meeting. Yoongi had a plan to set a course for zone Z36. Zone Z36 was considered a risk zone and under the govern of the higher order. The zone wasn’t huge but it would significantly shorten the way to get to zone F14 which was were one of the defector hubs were located. By getting there you could potentially get something or find something that could get you into contact with the Atlas.

Important to know was that nobody ever contacted the Atlas, they contacted you. They were top secret even for the defectors. There had been spies at numerous occasions and all measures of caution were enforced to combat it.

Getting to the hub also meant you were able to do some more thorough maintenance and restock. The last time the crew had visited one of the hubs was over a year ago, a month or so before their last mission…

The ship would be set to cruise towards Z36 throughout the night and upon entrance you and Yoongi would be technically glued to your seats until you were out of there.

 --

 Later in the night after you’d had a shower you sat in your room when there was an expected knock on the door.

“Come in.” You called out and Hope peaked in through the door. He had told you he’d come by before he went to bed to check on your burn and was carrying some supplies with him that he placed on the bed.

“How does it feel?” He asked, soaking a piece of cotton with some disinfectant.

“Taught and raw.” You explained.

As the cotton touched your skin you bit your lip to supress the stinging pain.

“I’ll move quickly, almost done.” Hope reassured, quickly wiping down the surface. “There we go.” He pulled on a pair of gloves and applied some clear ointment in his palm and gently began to rub it in over the area. This was an opposite feeling, it was cooling and soothing.

“This will leave a scar once it’s healed.”

“I’ll get it tattooed over.”

“That would look cool! You can tattoo my face, like the cartoon style where the head is much larger than the rest of the body.” He chuckled.

“I’ll add it to my list of potential designs.”

He pulled the gloves off and reached for the gauze and wrapped your skin.

“Thank you.” You said as he secured it.

“Just doing my duty.” He smiled and caressed your knee. He gathered the little pile of supplies, wished you good night and headed out.

If you had to gather a crew together in the future Hope would be your first consideration for sure. On your ship you didn’t have an infirmary. There was a small room with limited first aid level supplies and a bed. The room was more intended for mild injuries or quarantine purposes and if someone was injured you’d all help out, or whoever was able to in the situation. Basic first aid was included in training so anyone on board could do it. For more serious injuries you’d had to head to the nearest hub and just hope it was one with a hospital.

Defector hubs were scattered all over space. Some large some small, some so small it felt like a joke to even call them a hub. The smallest would maybe consist of a mech workshop and maintenance supplies, it was rare to find a hub that didn’t offer food or even a restaurant. Not as the ones back on earth thousands of years ago, it was more of a street food culture. Usually delicious in fact.

Then you had the gigantic hubs, maintenance and workshops that were staffed, offices for various inquiries, hospitals, multiple street food options, even places to get clothing, shoes, supplies, weapons…. Tattoo parlours, piercers, body mod, anything really… and pleasure.  

If you were willing to pay the price to get your dick sucked that was. It might sound absurd, but the business was insane. You had to be rich to afford it or go broke to experience it.

 --

 Sirens were echoing, lights were flashing all over the panel. Screams were echoing back and forth as the ship fell from orbit, spinning out of control. The gears wouldn’t budge no matter how hard you pulled them, trying desperately to get the ship under control. The G force was becoming too strong to handle and your hands reluctantly slipped from the gears as you felt the dizziness fade into unconsciousness only for it to come to a sudden hard halt.

You were shaking, your heart was racing and you were breathing heavily when you opened your eyes to find Yoongi over you, shaking your shoulders.

“Wake up! It’s a dream! You’re dreaming!” He sighed of relief as you opened your eyes.

“What happening?” You asked, panicked.

“You were screaming, I came running I thought- I don’t know what I thought but you were screaming so I just ran.” He appeared anxious. “Are you ok?” He asked, still holding your shoulders.

You sat up carefully, still out of breath.

“It keeps replaying in my head… I remember more and more each time…”

“Of the crash?” He took a seat on the edge of the bed,

You nodded.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” He asked, placing a hand against the mattress on the other side of your legs to support himself leaning.

“It’s just screaming, beeping, flashing… it’s all blurry for the most.” You explained, looking down at your lap.

“It’s truly a miracle that you survived.” Yoongi expressed. “When I found you… you were wedged in under the control panel.” He reached to touch the bruise on your head gently. “It’s healing well.” He reassured, moving a few strands away and behind your ear.

“Did you see what happened to my leg?”

Yoongi shook his head.

“As I was looking around what I noticed was subtle movement in my peripheral and when I shone my light towards it, I saw your eyes were open and you were breathing. Called out to Hope and JK and pulled you out of there as fast as I could.”

“And the others?”

“We checked them, you were the last person we found before we had to run back. We didn’t know if or when the entire thing would blow up since half of it was already on fire. We weren’t sure about 442b’s air quality either, so once we found you we just got you to our ship as fast as we could so you wouldn’t die of monoxide poisoning.”

Wow…

“Hope checked on your lungs once we got back on, so the air was fine, but I didn’t want to risk it.” He explained.

“You saved my life.”

He immediately got flustered and looked away. But you wouldn’t let him get away from this one.

You reached towards him and cupped his cheek.

“Yoongi, look at me.”

He reluctantly obeyed.

“You saved my life.” You repeated, gazing into his dark eyes.

His gaze fell from your eyes to your lips. There was an odd shadow of shame staining his expression…

He cupped his hand to the side of your neck, leaned in and pressed his lips against yours. Your heartbeat had just calmed down and was now immediately back to the previous racing pace again.

His mouth was warm and soft against yours and a part of you was disappointed when he abruptly pulled away. His hand slipped away as he stood up, brushing his half-wet hair back and left the room wordlessly, leaving you alone in the silence with the sound of your beating heart.

You wanted to know more about Yoongi, but now you quickly concluded that you didn’t only want to, you needed to. You wanted to examine what the shadow meant, what was hiding in his expression and so much more. Why did he defect? How? What happened to the other crew members on that one mission? But oh god did he taste good…

--

You arrived to zone Z36 in the early hours.

Yoongi was already seated when you entered. The corner of his lip twitched slightly, and he swallowed.

"Ready when you are." He said as you strapped yourself into the seat. There was an awkward ambience in the room.

“As ready as I can be.” You said, releasing the lock and pulling the gears towards you.

So far upfront everything seemed as clear and calm as it could be, but you never knew what lurked in the casted shadows…

“R1-B16 heading towards Z36 Delta zone. Shield green, radar green, machinery yellow, HDC…”

“Green.” You finished.

Keeping log recordings was mandatory for all captains…

Yoongi deactivated the auto and pulled the throttle to max and the ship accelerated rapidly.

You swallowed and tightened your grip on the gears, keeping an alert gaze in front of you and on the radar. So far clear.

The journey was silent, focus consuming any will, need or wish. Occasionally you’d overhear Hope and JK exchange words but aside that the only noise was the white sound coming from the engine.

You’d been going for roughly an hour and would be out of Z36 in about 20 minutes.

“Not much going on here.” You pointed out.

“Better safe than sorry.”

The stiff silence resorted.

 “R1-B16 entering F14 Delta zone.” Yoongi logged as you finally left the risk zone. You felt your shoulders relax and you set the HDC to stand by and released the gears. Yoongi set the nav to auto cruise towards the hub and noticeably relaxed. Being on guard was exhausting on the mind.

You exchanged a wordless look as you stood from your seats.

“Good job.” He assured with a nod.

“Same back at you.”

 F14 was significantly larger than Z36 and it would take you another night to reach the hub.

You all gathered around the table to eat together and JK explained to you what he’d done all these months to try and keep the ship stable without being able to go into maintenance. Once at the hub he would finally be able to get the status back to green, but he needed a workshop and assistance in order to do so.

“We haven’t been to a hub in forever… you’re the first person we’ve seen aside from each other for months.” Hope said.

“I hope this one has a tattoo shop. I’ve been dying to get something more.” JK expressed. His arm was covered in various art pieces in different sizes including his hand.

“I’ve wanted to get one too.” You added.

“Oh really? What were you considering?” JK asked, curious.

“It’s too soon to tattoo your leg, it’s going to take long for it to heal to that point.” Hope pointed out.

“I’m aware, but I’ve considering inking some other parts for a while now.”

“Where?” JK asked.

“My chest bone.”

Yoongi aimed his gaze to your chest, swallowing a bite.

“I was thinking of a design that traces along it, from about collarbone height down to where my chest ends.”

“It’d look sick all the way up your throat.” JK added.

You nodded your head back and forth, tasting the idea.

“It would actually…”

 --

 You were seated on your bed, reading through one of the HDC manuals but struggling to concentrate. Your mind kept returning to Yoongi cupping the side of your throat… his taste still a strong memory.

He’d been oddly silent during dinner and kept for himself most of the day after that… and you should probably talk.

You took a deep breath, sat the manual aside on the side table and stood up to head to Yoongi’s room.

You knocked gently on the door and a few second later he opened the door without a response.

“Can we talk?”

He nodded and stepped aside to let you in, shutting the door behind you.

His room was a lot bigger… captain’s suite of course. A bed, a desk area and a large window. The shelves had numerous books and some personal items on them and you could tell someone actually stayed in this room unlike your own. The same photo that hung in hallway was framed on one of the shelves.

“What’s on your mind?” Yoongi asked, redirecting your attention from the shelves.

“Oh, uhm… I just wanted to talk. You’ve been so quiet today.”

Yoongi let out a gentle sigh and reached to scratch the back of his head.

“Been in my mind a lot today…” He said and took a seat on the bed. You took a seat next to him and scooted back to be able to lean against the wall that the bed was lined up against.

Yoongi was slouched over with his elbows resting on his thighs.

“I’m sorry if I made things weird last night…” He confessed.

“Do you feel weird about it?” You asked.

Yoongi looked over his shoulder towards you. “Only if you do.”

“… I enjoyed it. More than I want to admit.” You confessed. There was a warm tingle to your cheeks as you spoke those words.

He raised his brows briefly, surprised and poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue.

Something was drawing you to him… and you weren’t the type to resist when something did. On the contrary you wanted to dive right in and explore it all at once and taste every flavour of it.

His gaze was fixed on you over his shoulder while he thought out his response, and it was starting to burn.

“Would you like some more?” He asked, making the tension between you even tighter.

You weren’t quite sure what he meant by more, but you were eager to find out.

“Yes.”

He sat up properly and scooted back to sit up closer to you.

This time he wasn’t breaking eye contact. He reached his hand out and gently traced his finger along your scar.

“It suits you.” He added before slipping his hand around the side of your throat, pulling you towards him.

His lips pressed against yours and without warning he pulled you just a little closer by the neck and slipped his tongue between your lips.

You slipped your fingers into his hair, grabbing onto it gently and accidently making him groan into the kiss. Everything felt so tight and tense within. The kiss became deeper and hungrier, both of you struggling to breathe and Yoongi’s hands began to wander. With each touch the tightness grew more intense. His hand slipped down your throat, down over your breast and groped it firmly, earning a moan. Without breaking away from the kiss he got up further, gently pushing you to lie down as he got on top of you, one hand spreading your left leg so he could lie between them. Still fully clothed, but rock hard he pressed up against you and began to grind firmly. Sending fireworks through your nerves.

His tongue slipped out of your mouth and your lips parted briefly before he made contact with the side of your throat, sucking firmly at the skin as his hips rubbed up against yours. No matter what he did it left you wanting more of him. Everything was unbearably aching.

His lips released from your throat.

“Do you still want more?” He asked, panting heavily “Because I really fucking do.”

“Please.” You pleaded.

“Yes?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“I’ll do anything you want at this point.” He panted.

“Then fuck me.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” He smirked and placed another kiss against your throat. His hands landed at your waist, gripping the fabric of your top and pulled it out and up, further up and over your head. His lips returned to yours briefly and with hunger as he reached down to unbuckle your belt and unzip your pants, pushing them down over your hips before his hand slipped in under the hem of your underwear.

“You’re so wet.” He pointed out, visibly even more turned on by the fact. Not that he needed to tell you... You could already tell. His hand reached in further, fingers sliding between your slit, feeling and exploring, rubbing over your clit.

He withdrew his hand and sat back up, pulling your pants down your legs, cautious over your burn. As he sat on his knees, he reached for his own belt, and you sat up to pull his t-shirt up and off. He quickly pulled everything down and off him, exposing his hard erection and returned to his previous position on top of you. Except this time there was no firm bump rubbing up against you. His hand reached up to brush your hair back and his lips pressed against your chest bone, right between your breasts.

“I think that tattoo would look really good on you.” He confessed and pressed his tongue flat against your skin, licking up your chest bone, up your throat to your chin. Your skin was left with a tingling sensation, and you pressed your lips against his, cupping the sides of his face, slipping your tongue between his lips before he got the chance. He grinned and reached down to grab a hold of himself, unable to wait much longer.

The tip of his dick traced up and down your slit a few times before he pushed up against your entrance, pausing for a brief second. He broke free from the kiss, panting. Resting his lips by your ear you heard him let out a deep groan as he pushed into you.  You slipped your arms around him, pressing your palms against his upper back. He began to move, thrusting deeply at a gentle rhythm. This was exactly what you needed.

A sultry “Yes” slipped out of you, much to his amusement (and confidence) and he began to thrust a little harder and faster, earning a moan.

“Fuck…You’re so hot.” He confessed, pressing his face into your neck.

“What’s so hot about me?”

“I… ugh. I don’t know. Everything? Mn. Your body is fucking beautiful, but you have this… this radiance. I can’t explain it.” He pulled back further, thrusting in slightly harder.

“It just makes you feel submissive?” You teased.

He cracked up with a soft chuckle. “You got me.”

“You feel so good.”

“Mhm?” He hummed, pushing a little deeper. “Tell me more.”

It was hard to think while he was moving inside you. It felt like the tight feeling was melting away into liquid gold.

“You feel really fucking good.”

“You want more?”

“Mhm.” You nodded.

“Harder? Faster? I’m ready to explode.”

“Yes… please. Just don’t stop.” You pleaded.

His hands ran down your sides and gripped onto your hips and he began to pound into you harder. Both of you were panting heavily. Whimpers, moans and groans slipping out between each breath. It felt so amazing.

You turned your face to the side, catching his darkened gaze as it stared back at you. Lust filled eyes, red cheeks and parted plump lips begging to be sucked on. You moved your hand up to his nape and cupped it, pressing him towards you so could devour that mouth one more time before you’d orgasm. It was easier said than done considering how high on each other you both were and out of breath. It was sloppy, desperate, and Yoongi couldn’t hold it anymore.

A cuss slipped his lips and his weight felt heavier on top of you. His hips moved harder, getting you closer and tighter to your climax.

“You’re squeezing me so tight.” He groaned.

It didn’t take much more, the thread you were hanging onto was dangerously thin and with another deep push you came undone in a wave of ecstasy and relief. In that moment you didn’t care if anyone heard the loud moan that escaped you followed by his name. You were aching and numb but Yoongi gave a single short final thrust before his own strength gave in and he came hard and heavy.  A sigh of relief mixed with a deep moan. “Ah fuck…” He let out, burying his face in your neck with a nuzzle and inhaling your scent.

You both remained silent for a moment as you regained your senses and calmed down. Yoongi shifted carefully and pulled out. He rolled onto his back next to you and pulled a hand back through his semi-wet hair.

“That was incredible.”

You nodded silently in agreement, processing the moment. “You get a little deprived now and then.”

“To say the least. The most action you’d get here is crying and jerking off in the shower as therapy. It doesn’t even feel good. It’s just sad.” He confessed with a soft chuckle, shaking his head. “Can’t imagine what it’d be like for you.”

“I had a toy.”

“Ah, all sorted then.”

“A human toy.”

Yoongi pushed himself up on his elbow. “Really?”

“It only happened a few times. There were no feelings. One of my crew members had a thing for being used. It was a little weird, but whatever.”

“Used?” Yoongi questioned curiously.

“I don’t know if it was a full fetish or just a kink, but he enjoyed it… I got tired of it. It lacked passion.”

“Like fucking a toy.” Yoongi added and caressed his hand over your abdomen.

“Pretty much.”

“Dominance.” Yoongi said.

“Huh?”

“You radiate dominance.”

“I think you do too.”

He smirked shyly and laid back down to look up at the ceiling.

That night you slept in Yoongi’s bed.

 --

 In the morning you could spot the hub in the near distance, and it appeared to be a large one, much to your relief. It almost felt like arriving to a holiday resort after months of hard work.

You had breakfast together and JK declared that he was 100% sure that there just had to be a tattoo place at the hub.

“Don’t wander off too much when we’re there though… let’s stick together.” Yoongi said in a serious tone, looking down at his plate.

“I need to check the hospital if they have a better ointment for burns and potentially some steroid cream.” Hope pointed out, caring as always.

“Is it healing well?” JK asked.

“It’s getting there slowly. Just trying to avoid infection and keep it clean.” Hope answered for you.

“I want to buy hope a gift.” You said.

“Me!?” He cried out.

“Yes, oh humble doctor Hope, You. You’ve been treating my every wound better than any doctor I’ve ever encountered.”

He looked down smiling. “It’s just my duty…”

“The most important duty.” Yoongi corrected. “Remember when JK’s toenail got infected last month?”

JK yelled something inaudible to try and cover Yoongi’s word. “No! No. We are NOT talking about that trauma.”

“It wasn’t nice.” Hope whispered to you and shook his head.

“Had to amputate his toe.” Yoongi said.

“NO. I have 10 toes.”

“Nine.”

“10!”

“Nine and a half.” Yoongi teased with a grin.

“You’re so annoying.” JK pouted.

“He keeps the 10th toe in a box under his bed.”

JK let out a frustrated cry and slouched down in his chair and you gave him a comforting caress on his muscular back.

 Yoongi was seated in the captain’s seat, you by the HDC as you approached the hub. Some smaller vessels were coming in and out from the other side, already showing promising signs that the hub wasn’t abandoned.

“R1-B16 requesting permission to dock.” Yoongi said over the comms.

A few second later a voice responded back. “R1-B16 clear to dock. Gate 4 is ready for you.”

You had your hands behind your head, watching as you approached the gate to dock. The gate was an airlock room, sort of like a garage but with access to maintenance supplies. Most times these hubs were staffed by humans and AI-bots combined and this one clearly was one as you spotted a bot roll its way across the floor in the gate and began to project instructions like left, right, approach and stop. Nifty little bots. Once it showed stop the gate door shut behind you and the bot projected the words “WAIT, AIRLOCK CLOSING”. The door completely shut, and you felt the shift as the gravitational pull tugged the ship down slightly. The little bot projected “WELCOME”.

“Cute.” You pointed out and stood up from your seat. As you walked past Yoongi’s seat you felt something touch your arm.

“Hey.” He said and turned to look back at you. “Stay close, ok? Don’t wander off.” His fingers caressed your hand.

“Ok.” You nodded and headed out.

 The ramp of the ship lowered and the 4 of you stepped out. The bot rolled up eagerly and scanned you and you couldn’t resist caressing its head. It let out a whistling sound and “>w<” appeared as its facial expression. The bot’s mission was to protect the ship for you.

You headed out of the gate and down a staircase the lead into the bustling centre of the hub.

“Ok eyes out for a tattoo place now everyone.” JK announced and looped his arm in yours.

“Ok well if you two are heading to get inked, me and Yoongi can go to the hospital during.” Hope suggested.

“How long does it take for the tattoo?” You asked JK.

“Maybe 15 minutes or so, they use laser tech so it’s a lot quicker than back in the day when they used the needle." he said.

"Wait there once you’re done. We’ll meet you there once we’ve been at the hospital.” Yoongi said.

And the 4 of you split into 2.

 JK’s face lit up when he spotted the neon sign spelling out the exact words he’d been looking for.

You went in together and were greeted by a bot. JK agreed to get his done first so you could see how it was done. He crossed his arms over his front and pulled his top over his head, revealing numerous pieces of art scattered over his chest, ribs and arms. Along his ribs “R1-B16” was inked, giving you an idea for a second tattoo…

Once JK’s new tattoo was done, it was your turn and you told the artist about your design ideas and he immediately went to work. She held up the laser torch to your throat and began to draw the design, making her way down and between your breasts to the end of your chest bone. You were covering yourself with your hands so JK wouldn’t get gaze access to restricted areas, but he was welcome to watch the artist work on you.

“Looks sick.” He commented as she finished up the final details.

She applied some ointment to your design and then took a hold of your wrist where she quickly and neatly tattooed the name of your previous crew.

“And you’re all done.” She smiled, covered in tattoos herself and gave your wrist a quick rub of ointment.

You walked up to the mirror and checked at the newly done work. It felt like seeing an upgraded version of yourself in the reflection. The intricate design making its way down your throat between your chest and the honouring on your wrist. You pulled your top back on and tucked it back into your cargo pants and right on queue the little entrance bot made a welcoming tune. Yoongi and Hope entered, Hope holding a box of supplies.

“We just finished up.” JK smiled and grabbed the box from Hope without question.

Yoongi’s eyes lingered at your throat, and you could see him swallow as he gave a shy nod.

“Told you it’d suit you.” He said and gestured to his own neck. He was holding back.

JK and Hope went ahead to drop the box off in the ship.

 “They’re going to get started on the maintenance check and service… so if there is anything else you want to check out, feel free. I’ll accompany you.” Yoongi said, sliding his hands into his pockets.

The plan was for you to stay at the hub for about 3 days while performing maintenance on the ship and gradually restocking.

There was however something you missed…

“I miss my gun.” You told him. “I want my gun back… and some clothing options would be nice… and a bra.”

“What model did you use?”

“Are you asking for my bra size?”

“Your gun.” He gave a stern look, but his embarrassment was showing in his cheeks.

You chuckled. “I’m messing with you. It was a laser pistol, 88G… I even had it custom painted in metallic purple.”

“Sounds sexy.”

“It was.”

“I’m sure you can find a G88 at the weapon dealers, maybe not a purple but at least something. They’re pretty expensive though.” Yoongi said as the two of you began walking.

Luckily in this world you weren’t tied to a card, so you hadn’t lost your money. Balance was registered on your personal ID number.

You stopped walking as a thought struck.

“… Is your balance even active…. If they think you’re dead?” You asked him in a lowered voice.

“It’s complicated… but so far we’ve gotten away with these.” Yoongi said and fished out a dog tag necklace tucked in his shirt. It was engraved with his ID and the R1 symbol.

“Maintenance and such is obviously covered by the Atlas but other stuff we just hope they have a tab.”

“II guess they trust R1s to pay them back.” That explains why JK casually suggested to put the tattoo fee on his tab… “Whatever you need, I’ll cover it.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I rarely spend, let me treat you.” You smiled and headed to one of the balance check screens.

You roughly recalled what you had left in your balance but once you input your id and your safe code… the screen lit up with significantly more than you recalled.

“You weren’t kidding…” Yoongi commented.

You swallowed.

The transaction history gave it away and it felt like a heavy pit in your stomach, and you quickly exited the screen.

 + 73,051 INHERITANCE: ID4198TR660 – Deceased

+ 114,599 INHERITANCE: ID5348YY340 – Deceased

+ 98,001 INHERITANCE: ID0411TK781 – Deceased

+ 211,081 INHERITANCE: ID6788HJ002 – Deceased

 You bit your lip. “You registered them?”

“Of course we did.”

The surrounding public was stopping you from crying out and gripping onto Yoongi.

But he could tell you were uneasy and gently held his hand secured to your lower back.

“Do you want to head back to the ship?”

You swallowed.

“No… No, I’m ok.” You lied. “I want my gun.”

 Of course it wasn’t YOUR gun, but it was the exact same model, metallic silver instead of purple.

“This one good?” The dealer asked, holding it out in his hands.

“Perfect. I’ll take it and the red one. And two packs of refills please.”

You paid and the dealer packed them up in a secure briefcase-like box each and handed them to you.

“If you ever need them serviced, don’t hesitate to stop by.” The dealer said.

“Thank you.”

 Yoongi was stood by the entrance, acting like a door guard watching over you.

“I hope you like red.” You said and pressed one of the boxes to his chest.

“Thanks.”

“How come you never had one?” You said and walked with him towards were they sold clothing.

“I never said I never had one, I used to have one. A revolver. It was jet black, but I lost it during our last mission.”

“What about JK and Hope?”

“JK is more of a hands-on and knives guy, Hope has a few. But they’re his and they’re advanced type stuff for combat in field.”

“Riffles?”

Yoongi nodded.

 You picked up a pair of better fitting cargo pants, despite the oversized ones being to your liking along with a pair of skin-tight black leggings. A few sports bras, underwear, socks and some tops, a jumper and some holsters and harnesses. A chest one and a thigh one for your gun. Some variation finally and tighter fitted clothing was better for combat and easier to move around in.

“Are you sure you don’t need anything else?” You asked again.

Yoongi shrugged, holding a humble pile of purely boxers.

“Holster?”

“Have one.”

“Fair enough. If you change your mind, we can always come back tomorrow.” You said and went to pay. Yoongi placed his pile on top of yours and the shopkeeper placed it all in a fabric bag.

 --

 Once back at the ship the gate bot greeted you with a whistling tune and JK was already up on an elevated platform fixing something on the ship’s exterior.

You headed up the ramp and straight to your room and stripped out of your clothing. You placed it in a pile in the bathroom to wash later and unpacked the new items into your drawers, already forgetting about Yoongi’s boxers.

You placed them on the bed to hand to him later and put on a new set of underwear. Thanked the space lords for finally bestowing a bra upon you and pulled on the tight leggings, the thigh holster and the jumper. The gun case was resting on the bed.

You opened it eagerly, the stainless-steel reflecting from the light.  It was light weight but powerful. You secured all parts of it, locked it and slid it into the holster on your thigh.

Things finally began to feel a bit more familiar again.

 You grabbed the pile of boxers and headed back out. You knocked on Yoongi’s door but there was no response so you took the freedom to step in.

The brand new gun case was placed on his desk.

You placed the pile of boxers on his bed and headed back out again. Where was he?

He wasn’t in the kitchen or in the front either.

You headed into the infirmary and found Hope packing out the large box.

“Oh hey.” He looked up with a found smile. “New fit?”

“Finally.” You smiled.

“Oh! Good thing you’re here. They had both the ointment and the cream.” He said cheerfully and reached for the two tubes placed next to the box.

"Three times a day.” He said. “Third time, come to me. I’ll clean it and check on it.”

“Thanks Hope.”

He patted you shoulder encouragingly.

“Have you seen Yoongi?”

“He headed back into the hub again.”

“Alone?”

“He said he’d be back soon. Maybe getting some food stock for dinner. It’s been a while since we had something fresh.” He didn’t appear worried.

If he was going to head out and buy more stuff he could’ve have your ID instead of putting more things on his tab… Once he unlocked his account again he’d most likely be in dept once all the tab payment requests came flooding.

“If you need anything just let me know Hope, I have access to my balance and I don’t want you all going into tab dept.”

“I appreciate the offer.” He smiled. You should get him a thank you gift for helping you with your wounds… A quest for tomorrow. The hub was so large it felt like you’d barely seen half of it today.

You got back out on the ramp again to check on JK and gave him the same offer if he needed anything. The little gate bot rolled up to you and you asked it to list what the Hub offered.

The list was overwhelming to say the least… there was even a pleasure centre open at “night hours”. Weaponry, clothing, tools and gadgets, food markets and stalls, the tattoo place, even a hairdresser. Nightclub, gambling tent, pleasure centre, bar, bot shop and the list kept going on.

“I’d get a bot if it was as cute as you.” You said and caressed its round head, making the ^w^ face appear again.

--

 After a while Yoongi returned. Hope was correct with his assumption.

You were servicing the HDC and running system checks to make sure everything was good since it hadn’t been used in a while. JK said he would be checking the exterior of the HDC too. As the last scan came back good, Yoongi entered behind you.

“I went to get some fresh stock. Thought we’d celebrate being able to get here thanks to you… and celebrate our new crew member.” His tone was shy.

“I thought you said we shouldn’t go out into the hub alone.”

“I said you shouldn’t.” He clarified and stepped in front of you on the chair. He noted your change of clothing and his eyes did a quick travel up and down.

“How come? You made me think this hub was sketchy or that you were a wanted criminal or something.”

“Aren’t all defectors wanted?”

“Touché.”

“Didn’t want you to get lost or kidnapped I guess, maybe I’m a bit overprotective.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaned against the control panel.

“What would I do if you got kidnapped though?”

“Why would anyone kidnap me? I’m registered as deceased. My kidnapper would be so disappointed to find all my funds blocked. “

“You could pretend to be a ghost there to haunt them.”

Yoongi let out a soft snort, the corners of his mouth twisting into a shy smile.

“With my funds blocked I wouldn’t be able to bail you out if you got into trouble either. They don’t do tabs for prison custody.”

“Damn… I was planning to commit arson tomorrow. You’ve ruined my plans now.”

--

 After what was perhaps the most delicious food you’ve had in years you retreated to your room.

You unclasped the holster and placed it with the gun on the shelf and took a seat on the bed to unlace your boots. You leaned back against the wall with a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

You felt hopeful, but you still had questions you wanted the answers to… You sat with your thoughts for a while when a knock at your door interrupted you.

“Yeah?” You called out.

For some reason you didn’t expect it to be Yoongi, but it was. He’d just showered by the looks of it, hair still wet, fresh comfy clothes and all. Black sweats and a black Tee to be exact.

“You here to ask if I’ll bail you out for your crimes?” You asked.

He chuckled. “I have some crimes you could deal with if you like.” He said and sat down next to you on the bed.

“I knew you were a criminal Yoongi. What did you do?” The sound of his own name made him react with shyness.

“I asked someone to take their clothes off so I could get a proper look at their new tattoo.”

“So you’re trespassing my clothing now?”

“Didn’t I do that last night too?... I trespassed a whole lot I’d say.”

You slipped your arms out of the sleeves and pushed the jumper up over your head followed by the sports bra. At first your chest seemed to have his full attention but then he shifted closer and tilted your chin up to get a better view.

He nodded approvingly as his eyes studied the ink, slowly travelling down and tracing his finger along it, causing you to shiver and your nipples to harden.

“How come you don’t have any ink?” You asked him.

“Who said I didn’t? Maybe you didn’t look close enough last night.” He said in a low tone, almost a whisper.

He traced down to the end of the tattoo. “Beautiful.” He commented and reached to gently pinch you left nipple.

“Do you actually have one?” You asked, caressing his wrist.

“You even touched it.”

“I have some more trespassing to do.”

“Mmn, agree.” He said, cupping your breast.

He was grinning, clearly amused by something.

“What?”

“It’s just… it’s literally huge. But to be fair… you only ever saw my front last night.”

“Your dick?”

He leaned his head back and laughed.

His hand cupped your nape, pulling you closer.

“You’re funny you.” He whispered.

“It felt big.”

“Compliment accepted.” He said and let go of your nape. He sat up further and turned his back to you. He pulled his Tee up and off, exposing his muscular back and the huge dragon tattoo swirling up along his spine.

“Holy fuck…” You touched your fingers to the head of the dragon and traced along it’s body to it’s tail. “It’s beautiful.”

“Thanks.” He said, shy tone returned.

“Any more?”

He nodded.

“More!?” You repeated eagerly.

He stood up from the bed, still turned away from you and reach down to his right leg, tugging the sweats up over his calf, revealing another.

A koi.

“You have a thing for scales?”

“The fish is because I’m a Pisces, but the koi fit the theme with the dragon.” He explained.

“Is your Chinese sign a dragon?” You asked.

Yoongi sat back down on the bed again. “No, but I have that too.”

“A third tattoo?”

“No.” He shook his head.

“What’s your Chinese sign then?”

“Rooster.”

 You paused briefly before it clicked.

 “Please leave my room.”

Yoongi laughed. “I’m sorry.”

You couldn’t help but let out a chuckle too.

“You brought it up first.” He pointed out.

“Yeah I did… last night.”

“Ok, I’m leaving.” He stood up but was stopped by your hand on his wrist.

“You set me up with that one. I had to.”

You were both blushing but grinning widely.

He sat back down again.

“Sex, guns and laughter? You’re spoiling me.” He said and brushed a hand through his wet hair. It looked good, slicked back like that.

You shrugged… clearly the two of you had a connection. You clicked.  Yoongi reached for your hand and caressed his thumb over your knuckles softly.

“I’ll leave if you want to be alone… but I’m here if you need me.”

“I want you.” You corrected.

He smiled shyly.

You swung your leg over his, placing your hands on his shoulders as you straddled him.

He looked at you with a surprised expression, hands finding your hips.

“But we’re doing it like this tonight.” You said and cupped his face. Your lips pressed against his firmly and his hands slid from your hips to your butt, squeezing gently. This was going to become a routine.

 “I want to lick along your tattoo so bad.”

“Hope will kill you if you infect it.”

He scoffed. “Some things are worth dying for.”

 He pressed his lips to the side of your throat, cautiously avoiding the raw skin and his hands slipped back up. His fingers gently traced along your spine, sending shivers throughout your body and on their way back down he slid them in under the hem of your pants and underwear.

You reached between you, tugging the hem of his sweats down without much success. Impatient, you stood on your knees and tugged your own down along with your panties, slipping your legs out one at the time and tossing them to the floor together. Yoongi quickly tugged his sweats down to his thighs, kicking them off to reveal his veiny erection.

You sat back down again and reached your hand around his dick, stroking it gently and pressing your lips to his again. He groaned against them, hands coming to squeeze your hips as he deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue in. His hands struggled to stay still and one slipped down the curve of your behind and between your thighs, touching where you were aching the most. Without warning he eased two of his fingers in gently, making the ache even worse.

He pulled away from the kiss, slightly out of breath. “If I’m as big as you claim, I better warm you up a little first.” He teased.

“I enjoy a good stretch.” You said, squeezing him tighter in your hand, making him let out another groan. You were going to have the upper hand here.

“But you feel so warm and soft.” He teased and scissored his fingers, causing your wetness to leak down his hand. He smiled with satisfaction.

His fingers curled and you squirmed, clenching tighter around his fingers but cursing under your breath.

“If you keep doing that I’m going to come.”

“I want you to.” He smirked and curled his fingers in a faster rhythm, making you moan.

“Not yet.”

His motion stopped and he slipped his fingers out, slipping them in between his lips instead. His expression spoke the words “I can do whatever I want”.

You placed your hands on his shoulders and pushed back up on your knees to get as close to him as possible. His eyes studied your face eagerly and he slipped his fingers back out slowly and wrapped his arm around your waist. The other reached behind and he grabbed himself for you.

You eased lower, his tip poking at your entrance and pushed down. The feeling of him slipping in was filling and stretching. He leaned his head back in pleasure and ran his hands up your thighs with a deep sigh as you pushed down all the way, clenching him tightly. You swayed your hips from side to side, adjusting to his size and driving him crazy.

Your hands cupped the sides of his neck, his slipping down over your butt and you began to move. His hands held you firmly, directing your movements as you bounced, head still leaned back, but gaze on your new tattoo.

“You’re amazing.” He said in a daze.

“Hm? How does it feel?” You asked, leaning in closer.

“So damn tight and wet.” He groaned, voice huskier than before.

You pressed your hand against the front of his throat, pinning him back against the wall with his face tilted up. He grinned.

“You like this, captain?” You teased, moving deeper and harder.

“Yeah.” He panted.

“How much.”

“You’ll be able to tell real soon.” His voice was strained.

You ran your hand down over his chest and his hand reached in between you and a strong finger pressed against your clit. A whimper escaped you when he added pressure and began to rub it. Real soon he said… he wasn’t joking.

His thighs were flexed, teeth biting down into his lower lip, finger pressing firmer and faster. No sounds other than your heavy breathing and the wet skin to skin sound. You were reaching your breaking point as his finger pushed you closer to the edge. Everything tightening and tensing before the wave of pleasure took over in a pulsing tight squeeze.

“Ah, fuck.” He groaned, removing his finger and wrapping his arms around your waist squeeze tight, pressing you down on him deep as he throbbed and came.

He looked up at you with dark eyes, lips parted and cheeks pink. You grabbed his face and kissed him. His hands ran up your back, holding you close to him.

--

 The next night you snuck into his room. Immediately as you entered his lips crashed against yours, pinning you back against the door. His hands eagerly undressed you and then himself, leaving your clothes at the door. He picked you up, carried you to his bed, his lips attacking the side of your throat rougher than the previous nights. Your back fell to the bed and he climbed on top, grabbed your knees, spreading your legs apart for him and shifted down.

His lips pressed against your clit, hands keeping your thighs spread wide. His tongue exploring and licking with no mercy. The surprise of intense pleasure making you arch your back and scream out a loud moan. Your hands grabbed his hair, making him groan and look up at you.

“You.” He grinned and climbed up over you, elbows by either side of your head.

“Fine, you win tonight.” You panted.

“Win? I didn’t know we were competing.” He kissed your nose. “You called me captain yesterday. I’m just reminding you that I am.” His gaze was dark.

“You look amused.” He pointed out.

“I am.”

His expression grew serious.

“Show me what you got then captain.”

He pressed his nose to your temple. “I’ll show you so good, you won’t be able to leave my side tomorrow unless I carry you.” He pressed a kiss to your ear.

“I’m intrigued.” You smirked.

The corner of his mouth twitched.

He pressed his palms firmly to your inner thighs, pushing you apart even more before positioning himself. He traced your slit with his tip a few times before pressing against your entrance and pushing in furiously slow. Making you feel the stretch by each millimetre. Definitely intended to tease you thought but once all the way he began to thrust deeply right away… and hard.

You wrapped your arms around him, more to hold onto anything for support as he went hard. Your hands pressed against the dragon on his back. His lips found back to your neck, sucking and kissing roughly as he focused deep.

“This is just warm up.” He whispered between the kisses. His hand came up to grope your breast and you let out a moan.

The deep pressure was building up fast, keeping quiet was going to be hard… Little whimpers escaped you with each deep thrust, much to his delight when suddenly he broke the pressure and your orgasm took over, making you whimper even louder as you squeezed him tight.

“Good.” Was all he said and pushed up to pull out. He paused and grinned. “I’ve got you all creamy.”

He flipped you over onto your stomach and you could feel his weight get on top of you, he thrusted back in from behind, overwhelming your body with pleasure. Your heart was in your throat, he was already going fast and hard, groaning loudly as he took you. His hands squeezed your sides and he hummed deeply by your ear.

“Bet your little toy never did this to you.”

“He could never…” You grinned, resting you chin against your hands.

He thrusted a few more times, grunting with each before pushing himself up against you firmly and deeply, thigh trembling and with a sharp thrust he let out a deep moan as he came. He rode it out gently before pulling out.

You rolled back onto your back independently before he could flip you over, tugging him down on top of you for a heated tongue kiss. His hands travelled up your outer thighs, pressing them to him so you’d wrap your legs around his waist. Carefully, without breaking the kiss he lifted you up, walked over to his desk and lied you back down on it.

He grabbed your ankles, placing them over his shoulder and held a hand to your hip, the other guiding him back in again.

“You’re wild tonight.” You smirked.

“Are you enjoying it?” He asked, pushing back in all the way with ease.

“I’m feeling like a queen.”

He smiled shyly and placed his other hand on your hip as well, squeezing gently to hold you stable as he began to move.

“I’ve been enjoying myself a lot more since we got you onboard.” He snapped his hips harder.

“So, I’m welcome to stay?”

“You don’t have a choice.”

You could feel something leak down your slit as he worked his hips against you, it felt slick so you could guess what it was. You gazed into his eyes and they were watching you back intensely. The tips of his hair were wet from the sweat forming on his forehead and his skin was glowing.

Suddenly a knock was heard on the door, startling you both.

“Who is it?” Yoongi called out, trying to sound calm.

It was Hope’s voice responding, asking if Yoongi had seen you. “We’ve been looking all over the ship and she isn’t in her room.” JKs voices added.

Your heart grew panicked.

“That’s because she’s in here with me.” Yoongi called out and you slapped you hand over your mouth.

He nodded for you with a stern look to say something.

“I’ll be out when we’ve finished talking!”

“Ok!” You could hear the smile in his voice and the sounds of footsteps fading.

“That was the most terrifying moment in my life.” You whispered.

“Why?” Yoongi asked, carefully returning to his rhythm.

“Mn- because what if they would’ve- come in?”

“So?”

“They would’ve seen us.”

“So?” He repeated, feeling up one of your thighs.

“Wouldn’t it be embarrassing?”

“For them perhaps, I have nothing to feel ashamed of.” He smirked. “Neither do you.” He kissed your leg. His rhythm was slow and deep. “I’m almost a little jealous… You’re being treated by Hope, JK is dragging you around to get tattoos with him and I… I’m taking care of your needs.”

“I’d like to claim that we’re taking care of each other’s needs.”

“Agreed.” He confessed and began to thrust a little faster. “I very much agree.” His grip on you tightened, the sound of wet skin slapping echoing in the room. To say he took care of your needs was an understatement. In all the years you’d been active in the combat unit, you’d never been satisfied like this, over and over and over again. It was also helping you take your mind off things. The tightening feeling was returning and you could tell you were close to come undone again, Yoongi too.

He was becoming more vocal again, panting heavily and moaning as he felt you tighten up and grip him again. He focused deeper, going harder, building up and even tighter tension, fingers digging into your hips as he finished you both off. The tightness snapped, he buried himself deeper with a load groan. You orgasmed. He came.

 You took a moment to calm down and Yoongi carefully pulled out and helped you down from his desk. As you stood up you felt unexpectedly lightheaded and held onto Yoongi for support until it got better. He gathered your clothes up and placed them on the bed and sat down next to them. You reached for your underwear, turned away and bent over slightly to step back into them when you heard Yoongi stutter. You looked over your shoulder, pulling your panties up over your hips.

He was hiding his grin with his fist.

“What?”

“Saw something hot, don’t mind me.”

“Who, me?”

“Yes, with something oozing out of you.”

You scoffed, smiling shyly and tossed his top towards him playfully.

 --

 You were seated on the table in the infirmary. Hope was carefully cleaning your burn with some disinfectant and being gentle as always.

“Are you feeling ok?” He asked, applying some more disinfectant to the cotton pad.

“It doesn’t sting too bad.”

“Hmm, well aside the burn. Your bruise seems to be staring to fade now at least.” He said and gently touched your temple.

“Aside the burn… I haven’t really had time to think about the though stuff. So these past days I’ve felt more like myself again... A little.”

Hope smiled sweetly and poured some ointment in his gloved palm. “That’s good to hear.”

“Hope, can I ask you something?” You asked after a brief pause.

“Of course!” He shone up and began applying the ointment.

“If it’s too sensitive don’t bother answering… but what actually happened on your last mission?”

Hope let out a soft sigh. “Our crew was cut short, to word it less dramatic...” He said and gently rubbed. “We were going into one of the bases of the higher order to take them down. It was all a part of a bigger attack to regain territory of the K12 zone. Combat unit was busy serving as a distraction for our infiltration and it didn’t go as planned.” He poured out some more ointment in his palm.

“What happened?”

“Well, we did the same tactic we’ve always done. Stealth shield, get into one of the gates. JK would deactivate the bot system and work from the ship on taking down the servers. I’d keep watch outside with 2 of the others and Yoongi would take the lead with 2. Find the control room, kill anyone you see on the way, kill everyone in the control room. Deactivate all systems then we’d head back to ship and get out as soon as we can and…”

“Blow it up?”

Hope nodded. “A massive firework. Just as impressive each time… But it didn’t go to plan…” You could tell the topic was heavy for him. “They must’ve known of the R1 unit, there would be no other way they could’ve seen us coming it… I’ll never forget the sight… Their eyes were still open when I saw them. Only for a second because I had to run… but a second was enough you know?” His lip trembled as he pulled off his gloves. “Yoongi headed in first, they took the two with him down immediately and he ran back to stop me and the others. They struck him in his calf, but he grabbed me, I was nearest. Told me to get out and I turned, seeing them on the floor… two more shots and the people with me fell like… like ragdolls. Yoongi took a shot in the back trying to get me out and we made it out back to the ship. I had to carry Yoongi the rest of the way, he was almost out and JK came to help and we got out of there as fast as we could and…. And we thought we’d blow it up but we couldn’t because our HDC pilot he… was there on the floor… like a ragdoll. So we just got out as fast as we could… I treated Yoongi. JK drove us out of the zone… The Atlas assumed they got us all.”

You caressed Hope’s shoulder reassuringly. “I still see my crew’s bodies in my nightmares… lying in the scraps in the most unnatural ways… I could swear that my co-pilot spine was snapped in half based on how she was posed.”

Hope let out a long sigh.

“Do you have any recollection of who shot you? Potential target practice for you if we ever stumbled upon those bastards.”

“I’ve begun to remember a bit more of what happened, but I don’t remember who. I recall the ship being chased for a long time before they opened fire.”

“Maybe one of the sniper jets of the higher order?” Hope suggested.

“Possibly. I doubt I’ll remember any details. But that’s probably what it was.” You said, yet a feeling of doubt lingered in your mind.

“They’re the most dangerous… but usually they go for specific targets. Sort of like hitmen.”

“They had many reasons to go after us.” You said, unaware of your own words. It was almost like your muscle memory of the phrase stepped in for you.

“What would that be?”

As Hope asked… the puzzle pieces in your brain suddenly fell into place again.

You looked up at him.

He was wrapping your leg with gauze and met your eyes.

“They had reasons… to go after us.” Your smile was wide, like you’d just realized something so absurd it wasn’t believable.

“Who?” Hobi asked.

You brushed your hair back, resting your hand on top of your head. “The fucking Atlas.” You laughed, memories falling back into place like you’d just stepped under a waterfall of them.

“The… The Atlas shot you down?” Hope asked, stunned.

“Yeah, it sounds as unbelievable as it feels… I remember it all now. The fucking Atlas.” You felt you anger grow. You stepped down from the table in the infirmary and headed out to find Yoongi.

Hope hurried after you, concerned and confused.

“Yoongi!” You called out, storming down the hallway into the main room of the ship where Yoongi and JK were seated. He stood up and approached you.

“She says... the Atlas shot her down.” Hope stuttered. Yoongi looked at you with a serious expression.

“I need you to take down the Atlas for me.”  You said sternly.

JK appeared equally confused and shocked.

“The Atlas… shot your ship down?” Yoongi questioned, sounding doubtful.

“It was the Atlas.” You looked into his dark eyes, your words strong with confidence.

“Do you remember what the ship looked like?” He asked, treating the question like a sensitive trigger point.

“Yes.” You refused to break eye contact. “And I’m going to kill everyone on board of that fucking ship.”

 You studied the confused faces looking at you, realizing that they didn’t know what you knew.

“The Atlas signed a secret deal with the higher order, nobody was meant to know, but my crew got a hold of the documents and that’s why they shot us down. We were going to expose them. Hope, those who warned the base about you coming was the Atlas. It was all the Atlas!”

Yoongi leaned against the table for support while he tried to process.

“It bothers me how it makes sense… but what was the deal?” Yoongi said, his expression strained.

“They signed to assassinate everyone among the defectors who had previous connections with the higher order. The Atlas believed they were spies and the higher order was in on it knowing they’d just be eradicating their main concern of ex insiders leaking their secrets for them. They fooled them but The Atlas didn’t want to risk anything.”

Yoongi slammed his fist into the table.

“Fuck!” He screamed.

“Someone on your crew must’ve had previous connections…”

“Yeah, it’s me.” Yoongi growled and slammed the table again. Your eyes went wide.

“How?”

“My father was a unit official, I trained to join the pilot force and defected when I was 16.” He muttered… They never assumed that we failed, they assumed that they succeeded.” He slammed the table again.

“And they were going to kill all of us for that?” JK added.

“Apparently.” Yoongi snapped and aimed to punch the table again, but you grabbed his wrist.

“Your knuckles are already bruised enough.”

He pulled his wrist free and cupped your face with both his hands. “I promise you I’m going to kill every single fucker onboard the Atlas, you hear me?”

Hope looked with wide eyes, likely questioning if he was currently dreaming.

“Not without me, you’re not.”

Yoongi grinned, put he was clearly enraged.

“JK, check the radar history from the day of the crash. Hope, close the ramp. I’m getting us out of here first thing in the morning.”

--

 It felt weird going to bed that night.

Your crew’s final mission would be fulfilled. You caressed the tattoo on your wrist.

But Yoongi used to be a part of the higher order?

Your head was spinning with thoughts and adrenaline.

Did Yoongi actually have feelings for you…? You’d be fine with it just being a benefit thing but… thinking back it probably wasn’t a sole benefit for him… You shook your head, tossed and turned.

 Suddenly your door opened carefully and Yoongi stepped in wordlessly and got in under the covers behind you. Had you been thinking hard enough to the point of accidently summoning him?

He slipped his arm around your waist.

“I just wanted to make sure you don’t hate me.” He whispered, sounding slightly calmer than before. But anxious.

You looked over your shoulder.

“Why would I hate you?”

He shrugged. “My past or the fact that I wanted to seek out the Atlas for all the wrong reasons…”

“You didn’t know... and I didn’t remember.”

“I could’ve figured it out.”

“No, you couldn’t. We got it leaked to us from an inside source close to the Atlas.”

He squeezed you tighter.

“… I’m scared.” He whispered. “I don’t want to lose any more people…” He kissed your nape… confirming one of your thoughts.

 You reached for his hand and held it up to your face. It was bruised badly.

“Why would you hurt yourself like this…” You sighed.

“Did I scare you?”

“Yes. I care about you.”

You could feel him sigh against your nape and he nuzzled the back of your head softly. “Promise you won’t leave me then…”

“Can I ask you a question first?” You looked over your shoulder again, still holding his hand.

“Mn?”

“Are you in love with me?”

 “… I think so.”

 --

 You stood with JK looking through the radar history together. Yoongi was still asleep when you woke up and you left him to rest a little longer.

“This is from about 26 minutes before we got the mayday.” JK said and pointed towards the list. “So if this is your ship, this must be the Atlas… which is odd.” He inhaled deeply and his brows narrowed.

“Odd in what way?”

JK shrugged. “I’d assume they’d have some sort of radar blocker or shield. Unless it’s a cover up.”

“A cover up?”

“Basically if you look up the radar id it’s just show up as your common random ship rather than what it actually is. A fake radar code basically. Rather than not showing up at all you appear as something seemingly innocent.” JK explained and sat down by the computer.

“I’ll assume we can’t track the cover up code?”

JK shook his head. “No. If it is a cover up, it would change radar id in a regular timeframe to remain untraceable.” He explained while opening some program. “However… I know how to trace the hidden data within the code… and that doesn’t change.” He began to move his fingers across the keyboard. “Unless they have something blocking it but I’ve seen this pattern before…. It should be possibly… but it’ll take a while.”

You looked with fascination as rivers of code flooded down the monitor and JK’s eyes studying across them like a foreign language he spoke fluently, talking to him in text.

In the same moment Hope entered, dressed in his normal attire, and rubbing a towel to his damp hair.

“JK in the zone.” He sang out. “You’re not going to get through to him now.”

 Clearly true, you got up and headed into the front of the ship, claiming your seat by the HDC.

You looked down at your nails, poking back the cuticles aimlessly. It was a restless habit you’d have for as long as you could remember. You’d come to prefer not being along with your thoughts these days, simply because it was easier not thinking about the tangled mess going on in your head. It was like avoiding the elephant in the room, except this one was in your head and a professional contortionist. Processing everything… it still felt like a dream. And on top of it all, everything had changed so rapidly. Sure it was positive, you liked it on board the R1 but it had gone past so fast it felt like speed blindness had blurred everything along the way. Now with your memory back, it felt like your awareness had finally caught up to the speed… and Yoongi. Suddenly there was Yoongi. It almost felt too good to be true. Being happy or grateful for what had become out of the awful traumatic experience…. It felt forbidden in a way. You wanted to feel relief, happiness… everything was suddenly exciting again, there was meaning. But there was a fog of guilt spreading among it all.

You didn’t doubt that your crew wanted what was best for you and likely wished for you to be happy and would be happy for you if they knew where you were now but it felt… strange… it felt unfair. Like stealing the apples from somebody else’s tree, except the tree was your own and you had all rights to eat the apples…

 A hand brushed against your shoulder gently.

“Are you ok?” Yoongi asked, appearing out of thin air like he’d been summoned again.

“Just… a bit overwhelmed.” You confessed. There was no point in hiding or pretending.

Yoongi reached for your forearm and took a gentle hold of it. “Come.” He said, pulling gently at it as he sat in the captain’s seat. “Come sit.” He repeated, patting his thigh with his other hand.

You got up and sat sideways across his lap. He pulled you up further against him and held you to his chest. He didn’t say much, just held you tight and ran his hand up and down your back soothingly. Giving you a safe space to cry if you needed to but not tears were coming to the surface.

You inhaled his scent and it had an oddly soothing and grounding effect on your state of mind. Comforting so to say…

You felt a soft kiss against your head and in that moment you felt pretty sure that you we’re probably falling in love with him too…

 --

 The nebula looked so unreal it felt like flying through a virtual art piece.

JK was still working on dismantling the code but he’d managed to narrow down the direction, so unless they’d completely gone off course the past days you could at least cruise in the direction of the zone they were likely in. Hope was trying to figure out the Atlas ship’s layout, comparing various blueprints to best plan your attack.

“Should we just launch at the ship?” You asked, breaking the long silence.

“It’s the easiest, but the best would probably be to go in and take them out… claim the ship. Get access to the systems and documents…”

“Who knows what they have on board that ship that we don’t know honestly…”

“Extra-terrestrial body parts in jars.”

“I sure hope not, that’s vial.” You said, gripping the gears tighter.

“My expectations are low, but my expectations to find more fucked up stuff is high. That’s why I don’t want to destroy the vessel.” Yoongi expressed.

“… maybe your guess isn’t too far off.”

“Cyborgs.” He mumbled, making you laugh out loud. This really wasn’t the time to laugh but… humour served as a coping mechanism.

“If they have a bot… I’m taking it. I want a pet.”

“JK could reprogram it for you, it might be hostile to us otherwise.”

“A bot? Hostile towards me? The bot at the hub loved me.”

“They’re designed like that.”

“Like what?”

“To love you.”

“So, you’re a bot?”

Yoongi was stunned.

“… beep.” He said, unenthusiastically.

“That’s bot for what?”

“Shut up.” He muttered, smiling shyly.

 “You done?” JK’s voice startled you both. “I cracked it.” He said, looking both euphoric and exhausted at the same time. He held up a paper of his notes with various codes written with lines and figures and calculations.

“They’re in the K12 zone.”

“Fuck.” Yoongi sighed.

“The K12? Wasn’t that-“ You questioned and JK nodded mid-sentence.

“We should probably hurry.” Yoongi said and pushed some buttons at the panel. “JK tell Hope to get seated, we’re going full blaster.”

 This was risky… extremely risky.

If the Atlas found out they didn’t take down the full crew… they’d become targets. Wanted. The holo-screens at the hub would show their photos with who knows how high of a reward listed below.

Since the attempt to claim the K12 it’d become sort of a grey zone, in control of whoever was there with most vessels. A conflict zone, but not an active war zone… you couldn’t really zoom past a higher order vessel expecting nothing to happen… both stuck to their own end of the zone if they had to go into it.

 After about an hour at max throttle, you reached the border of the K12. You gripped the gear tighter, shifted in your seat and concentrated on the view ahead.

“Shield activated?”

“Shield activated.”

“Let’s find these fuckers.”

 So far not a single vessel had been seen… except the one ominous dot on the radar screen. Ahead it was out of sight, but you were getting closer and closer.

A part of you just wanted to make it easy for yourself and blow it up. Just flipping the switch and sending a heavy projectile towards it. Just like they had.

“It’s similar to our ship… but it’s a different layout within.” Hope pointed out as the small spec made itself apparent among the nebula.

JK and Hope were stood between you and Yoongi, watching cautiously.

There was anxiety and tension in the air. You swallowed.

“If a see as much as a mere flinch, I’m firing the projectile. I’m not risking it.” You announced.

“You shouldn’t need, they’re cruising. They don’t know we know it’s them.” Yoongi said.

“Probably why they have a ship like ours…” Hope added.

“I was expecting something bigger, maybe they have a hub of their own somewhere.” JK pointed out.

“Now that’s something I’d want the coordinates for… and that’s likely available in their data.” Yoongi said, setting the ship to a casual cruise in a speed slightly higher than the Atlas.

You’d never seen or participated in an infiltration mission prior to this… and it felt weird. It felt so obvious… how couldn’t they notice the ship docking to theirs?

 “The scan says 3 people onboard.” JK reported. “It’s an easy take out.”

“Any bots to watch out for?” You asked.

JK checked the scan again. “Only a service bot, it doesn’t pose a threat.”

“Docking.” Yoongi announced.

Your heart was beating rapidly.

“I’ll disable the locks.” JK said.

Hope touched your shoulder. “Gear up, we’ll head in first.”

“No, you won’t.” Yoongi interrupted. “I’ll go first. JK gather anything and everything, disable the main power units. Cause a blackout.”

There was a gentle jolt as the ship docked and JK immediately got onto the computer again, typing rapidly. No wonder the R1 were elites….

 Yoongi took the lead, holding his new gun, followed by you and Hope.

The dock port clicked and Yoongi unhatched the heavy door. You climbed in the already blacked out vessel. In the distance you heard voices, muffled speech about “not again” “check the fuse”.

A vague red emergency strip was your only source of light and you stayed close to the walls. Hope leaned in by your ear. “Stick ahead, I’ll cover behind you. Follow Yoongi.” He whispered and the three of you spaced out slightly in distance.

You caught Yoongi’s eyes briefly at a corner as the red light pulsated in intensity.

There was a scrambled sound, a click and Yoongi was aiming. Before the man had a chance to say a sound, he received a shot between his eyebrows and fell lifeless to the ground. 1 down.

You followed his lead, carefully stepping over the pool of red that had formed on the ground.

At the next intersection of the hallway Yoongi took a left, but you hesitated. Yoongi’s look was stern, gesturing for you to come his way. But you needed one kill. The adrenaline was taking over and Yoongi couldn’t have forgotten already that you were the captain of a combat ship. You took a left.

You didn’t care if this caused him distress right now.

It appeared to be their kitchen. Hope got in behind you. You snuck through the empty kitchen, not a sound was heard at this point… the other two must be in the steering unit…

You headed out with Hope, into the main space where you spotted Yoongi again on the other side of the room, pressed against the wall. He mouthed “wait there.” And pointed the tip of his gun towards one of the doors closer to you and Hope.

You waited a few minutes but it felt like an eternity before the other crew members grew frustrated.

“How long does it check to fix a damn fuse!?” One questioned from inside and suddenly the door swung open in front of the two of you. You moved quick, Yoongi tracked behind the other crew member as you and Hope went in.

Without hesitation you aimed your gun at the back of the head of the person in the captain’s seat and shot. “Go help Yoongi.” You told Hope, lowering your gun and pulling the now lifeless body out of the seat to take her place at the controls and pulling the ship to a halt.

Hearing shots was always hard when you didn’t know where they came from. But to your relief, Yoongi and Hope returned within a minute.

“Too fucking easy.” Yoongi scoffed.

“JK you can boot it back up.” Hope spoke into the radio strapped to his harness.

The lights came back on, revealing the splats of red across the control monitor. Hope kneeled to inspect the body, placing his fingers by the neck confirming the state.

Yoongi’s chest was moving rapidly, out of breath from the beating rush within.

“You know what?” Yoongi asked, getting your and Hope’s attention. “We’re the new Atlas now.” He stated, pulling his hair back. “We’re leading the defectors from now on.”

[leonwifey]

“𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹𝒀𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝒀𝑺.” — you thought you had been in love all this time.

˚୨୧ genre — angst, lots of hurt with absolutely no comfort

˚୨୧ word count — 1,233

˚୨୧ note — not only is this a terribly written piece, but it is also definitely not at all inspired by personal events... basically a long distance relationship not working out + many words pulled out of my ass!! (re2) leon is also kind of mean here, but that's okay..

“So, I guess this is it.” You nod wearily, trying to disguise the way your voice wavers. “Listen, I… I love you.” 

Those were simply the last three words you would ever tell him. 

Thinking back at it now, you regret telling him that. Immensely. But when you had said it to him then, staring at each other’s lonely figure under the dim streetlamp’s light... You meant it. Just like you always did, holding the weight of your words close to your heart, in the only way you’ve ever known how to say it.

Within the confines of your mind, the scene still sits all too clearly. Your little mind’s theater loves to replay that part.

The one scene where you had stood meekly at that rusty train station in Raccoon City. In the very train station he would always pick you up from, where you’d never miss the handsome face amidst the sea of busy people because he’d always find you. That very train station you arrive to whenever your heart yearned for him, rushing impatiently into his strong arms and musky scent, uncaring of the looks bypassers gave you. It was the only station where together the two of you would run down the steps giggling hand in hand, lost in the addictive taste of laughter and affection, trying to catch both the last train and the last sweet kiss from those lips you called your favorite. 

Somewhere, somehow, during those three years of being so desperately and earnestly in love with him did you realize that it was never going to be enough. Forever with him was always meant to fall apart. You were foolish to believe that you both had been in love all this time. Still, you wish to have asked him when he had changed his mind about you.

“I know.” Leon would reply, those two parting words soft and hollow with blinking innocence. His heart was heavy with fragments of you.

Every part of him was unforgettable and cruel. Those ocean eyes that never failed to cut through the deepest parts of you remain rooted as a ghost in your memories. The kind of blues you could never chase away.

Adjusting the bag on your shoulder, you entered the train and fought the urge to turn back. It was the last time he’d see you board the train and the first time you never looked back. No longer did you open the window as the train sped off, calling out to your lover as the fast wind drowned out your vows to return to him. 

You let out a long sigh, one you hadn’t known to be holding in for years. Slouching in your seat, you stared at the glimmering moon beside you, wondering if it was just as lonely and lovelorn as you. You wondered if the world knew what was to come, as if it was simply destiny for things to end the way it did. The fate of your relationship with Leon was far from soul binding, your red strings untangling so effortlessly. Clearly a soulmate who wasn’t meant to be.

The exhaustion that hid beneath your eyelids had finally caught up to you as you leaned against the rickety window. You allowed yourself to rest, where only in your dreams and memories did you get to see him again. A place where everything seemed to stay, except Leon.

Autumn leaves crunch beneath your boots with your every step, the gentle fall breeze kissing your cheeks. You walk merrily as you gaze up at the changing leaves around you, colors illuminating with the street lamps. At the end of the path you see Leon, handsome in his coat and knitted scarf. “Come on, let’s take a walk.” He beckons with an outstretched hand.

When you catch up to him, he grabs your hand to place it inside his own coat pocket. A thumb brushes against the back of your hand, causing you to blush slightly. You send him a look to which he returns with a goofy smile that warms your heart all the same. “Just trying to keep my baby warm.”

“You already do that, though.” You say matter of factly. 

“Yeah, but it’s not everyday that we get to do this.” He hums, pulling out your intertwined hands to swing them back and forth, the two of you walking in sync. 

“Should I move out here, then?” You tilt your head at your boyfriend, watching for a reaction.

The park that you stand in is quiet. Almost as if it was an audience member that watches you and all of your feelings fall apart. You try not to make your frown evident as you observe the way he shakes his head, bangs falling in front of his eyes. You stop walking, pulling him back and tugging his hand, silently urging him to look at you. He can never look at you when you need him to.

“I couldn’t ask you to do that.” He admits, voice calm against the chilly weather.

“What do you mean? Leon, I come here as often as I can," The sound of your almost pleading voice causes you to wince. “I come here because I want to see you, because I miss you.”

“But do you come because you want to be with me?” His calloused hand pulls away from the warmth of yours. “Why didn’t you come with me after I graduated from the academy? When I asked you to come with me, why didn’t you?”

Your eyes widen at his rising voice, tears already threatening to spill from your eyes. You stare back at his dark furrowed brows, yet those eyes of his remain thoughtfully innocent.

Why? Why hadn’t you followed him to Raccoon City? Why couldn’t you have tried a little harder?

Swallowing slowly, you look away to blink rapidly, a small effort to delay your stream of tears. “Because… Because I was scared. I was scared of slowing you down, that’d you get tired of having me in your new life. I just didn’t want to sacrifice everything you’ve been dreaming of.”

Leon scoffs, shoving his hands into his jean pockets. “You wanna know what I think?” 

Holding your breath, you stay silent, biting your trembling lip.

“For all these years I’ve loved you, you still don’t understand me. I’ve always wanted you here. With me. Everything I've been dreaming of? Don't you think you're part of that dream, too?" The blonde pauses, running a shaky hand through his hair and taking a moment to gather his thoughts. "Why? Why wouldn’t you just put your pride down and think about us instead of screwing it up?”

“I just… I only wanted what was best for you, Leon…” You whisper, head hanging low.

“Yeah, and that was a pretty shitty thing to do. Look, it's not about me anymore. It's about us. I just thought you knew that.” 

Stunned and feeling as though rendered useless, you could find no other way to fight him over this. You couldn't change him, you couldn't change his mind even if you were given more time.

After all, he was right. You would never understand him. How could you? How could you understand someone so bright and full of so much spirit when in every way, Leon would always be far away from you. He was never within your reach.

His broad back turns from you and you watch him fade into the infinite darkness, leaving you in the cold night where both in your worst dreams and the material world do you shed the same tears.

Just where everything stays, but him.

[hongrizoon]

Have you ever?

Have you ever? - [ light angst ]

masterlist

-- summary: All alone, Charlie faces her own struggles with the world, questioning her existence every now and then. All alone, Charlie goes through the school hallways, looking at familiar faces, but she doesn't recognize them? All alone, Charlie waits for a glimpse of hope to come. All alone, Charlie wishes she was a different person. Why?

-- genre: angst-ish

-- word count: 933

content warnings: suicide was mentioned once, angst, events that occurred in real life but some things were shortened and changed, a bit of cursing, family issues, abandonment (?) , oc has ADHD and i don't remember the rest...tell me if I missed something <3

..............................✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ................................

Why? That's a good question. But can it truly be answered?

My head hurts. It's so loud in here. So many noises echoing in the fluorescent-lit hallway -- chattering, lockers slamming, the rhythmic squeak of sneakers. It feels like a thousand bees buzzing in a tin can trapped inside my skull. My vision blurs at the edges, and the familiar faces passing by - faces I've seen every fucking day for years, morph into grotesque masks.

Suddenly, a hand slams onto my shoulder, causing my to flinch, a gasp escaping my throat. I looked over my shoulder, Genesis, my supposed best friend. "Hey Charlie! Earth to daydreamer?" she poked my cheek.

My voice came out as a strangled whisper. "Hey, Genesis." But the words feel foreign on my tongue.

The world seems to tilt on its axis. My reflection in the darkened locker window stares back - a stranger with messy brown hair and haunted eyes. This isn't me. This can't be me. Panic claws at my throat, constricting my lungs.

The bell shrieks, a piercing wail that sends a fresh wave of nausea rolling through me. People surge forward, a chaotic mass of bodies. I'm caught in the current, slammed against lockers, the metallic taste of blood blooming in my mouth from a bitten lip.

The classroom in front of me - a battlefield of fluorescent lights and scratchy desks - offers no respite. Every rustle of paper, every whispered joke, feels like an assault. My mind races, a million thoughts firing at once. Unsolved math problems, the ever-present argument soundtrack at home, the constant feeling of being on the verge of a meltdown- it's all too much.

"Charlie?" I turned around, my english teacher.. i sighed and responded, "Hey Rivera.." my voice trembled. "Are you okay?" He looked worried, but i just nodded, turning around and walking off to the lunchroom, leaving him worried.

When i entered the lunchroom.. Genesis was nowhere to be found. We got separated when the bell rang..

Lunch has always been a fucking blur of faces and noise. I sat down at the back of the place, where the so-called "freaks" belonged, with no one, no table, no chair, just a trash can. I sat down next to the trash can, i picked at my cold fries, my stomach churning with a mix of anxiety and dull ache. Why can't i be normal? Why can't i focus? Why can't i just shut everyone out?

The familiar weight of self-loathing settles over me. I wish, not for the first, and definitely not the last time, that i could be someone else. Someone with a clear mind, someone who fits in, someone who doesn't feel like a malfunctioning "robot" in a world built for smooth-running machines.

But the thought hangs heavy in the air - a whispered echo in the desolate landscape of my mind. Suicide.. It's a dark thought, a "forbidden" whisper that flickers at the edge of my consciousness, A way out of this constant battle.

Laughter echoed off the cafeteria walls, a cacophony that made my head throb. "Freaks", they called us, the kids relegated to this corner by an unspoken social code. Here, amidst the discarded lunch trays spilled drinks, I found a twisted kind of solace.

A shadow fell over me. I looked up, squinting against the harsh fluorescent lights. It was Kat, the "popular" girl with a smile that could melt glaciers and eyes that held a judgment i couldn't decipher.

"Hey, Charlie," she said, her voice sugary sweet. "Lost your shadow?"

I wanted to lash out, to scream about how i wasn't lost, i was adrift in a sea of noises and confusion. But the words wouldn't come. My throat felt constricted, my voice a prisoner in my own body.

She sat down beside me, "You seem... different lately." she said, drawing out the word "different" like it was a disease. "Is everything okay at home?"

My stomach lurched. Home. A battlefield where my parents waged war on each other, their voices a constant barrage of insults and threats. The silence was worse, though, the thick, smothering kind that made my skin crawl.

"Yeah" I mumbled, shoving a cold fry into my mouth. "Everything's just peachy."

Kat's smile didn't reach her eyes. "Okay?" she said, her voice laced with disbelief. "Well, if you need anything, you know..." The sentence trailed off, and she looked around the room before leaning closer, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "You can always tell me."

My brain, overloaded with sensory input and emotional turmoil, couldn't process her offer. Was she.. pitying me? Or was there something else going on? Before i could formulate a response, the lunch bell shrieked, a jarring cry that sent a shiver down my spine.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of numbers on a page that refused to stay still, the scratch of chalk on the blackboard sounding like nails on a chalkboard to my already frayed nerves. At the end of the final bell, exhaustion settled over me like a leaden cloak.

As i walked out of school, a familiar figure caught my eye. Genesis stood by the bus stop, her back to me. Relief flooded me, warm and unexpected. But as i approached, i saw the way her shoulders slumped, the way she clutched a crumpled piece of paper in her hand.

"Genesis?" I called out softly.

She whirled around, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy. "Charlie," she croaked, her voice thick with emotion. "I.. i need to talk to you."

"We can't be friends."

................................✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿.................................

mars notes. I don't know how to feel about this. This has been sitting around in my drafts, so instead of deleting it, i decided to post it? I read it, i might re-write it later in the future. But not now. This is based off my highschool years. This actually happened, but i changed a few things to make it less rough. might make another part, but i wont promise i can actually publish it.. this topic has always been harsh for me to pass through. But it's all in the past. Gotta keep going.

Genesis, if you're out there, and you somehow find this. Im sorry. for whatever i did.

[itsdanii]

I really love your “rejecting and regretting” drabbles and I would love to request one with Suna and Iwaizumi please

Rejecting you and regretting it pt. 3

hey, bub. thanks for requesting! im so glad you're liking my works ♥️ was supposed to post this yesterday but i had an appointment with my psychologist so sorry for the slight delay. that being said, here's your request for iwaizumi and suna. i hope you like it♥️

genre: slight angst to fluff, slight crack

warnings: cursing, rude behavior (resolved), please do message me if i forgot any

ft. suna rintaro, oikawa!reader x iwaizumi hajime

title says it all.

Suna Rintaro

out of all the inarizaki boys, suna rintaro was the one who managed to pique your interest

at first, you thought that he was the most quiet amongst the group but the longer you stayed as a manager, the more you realized how wrong you were

In fact, suna is one of the most talkative, along with the miya twins

you even felt bad sometimes for kita for having to discipline the three as if they were his own kids

one day, you suddenly realized that you were falling for the middle blocker

you knew that it was not a good practice to fall for someone in a team you manage but it's not like you can control who you fall for, right?

and so, you made a decision to confess to him

"Oi, y/n! What's that yer holding?"

You squeaked upon being called by Atsumu and quickly hid the cake you were holding behind your back. Smiling awkwardly, you made your way to him and placed the cake on top of the table.

It was currently lunch time and as a usual routine, you, Osamu, Atsumu and Rin were meeting at your spot just near the gym to eat.

"Can you atleast lower your voice? The moment the others see this cake, it'll be gone in a snap of a finger," you scolded at him.

"Cake? What's it for?" As if a light suddenly appeared on top of Atsumu's head, he took the box and opened it with sparkling eyes. "Looks good!"

"No, wait!"

Your lips parted as you watched him take the fork that you put inside and sliced a piece for himself. He even let out a small moan of satisfaction as the taste of the cake filled his mouth.

"That...was for Rin," you said with a tiny voice, making Atsumu raise an eyebrow at you.

"Suna? Why are ya givin' him a cake?" Noticing the way you failed to answer, a grin started forming on Atsumu's lips as the realization came into him. "Holy shit, ya like him!"

"Like who?"

You and Atsumu both froze at the sound of Suna's voice. Swallowing the lump forming in your throat, you slowly turned around to face Suna who was now frowning at you.

"Rin-chan..." you said slowly.

Suna and Osamu both took their seats, Osamu sitting beside Atsumu and Suna sitting beside you.

"Y/n likes someone?" Osamu asked and took the fork to taste the cake you made, his face lightening up as it somehow reached his standards.

Being the goofy one, Atsumu nodded with a grin. He spared Suna a quick glance before wiggling his eyebrows at you playfully. "Mhm. The one they like is actually a part of the volleyball team. Any guess, Rin-chan?"

Despite the nervousness you're feeling, you managed to roll your eyes at Atsumu as he tried imitating the way you call Suna.

Suna just shrugged his shoulders, looking almost unbothered if not for the fact that he was gripping his chopsticks a little too tightly. "Don't know, don't care."

You felt your confidence drop a little at his lack of enthusiasm. "Aren't you even just a bit curious?" you asked, hoping to get a reaction out of him.

"No, why would I be? It's not like it's any of my business. You can like whoever you want to like. It's not like I give a damn about it," Suna simply answered.

The small hope inside you that you gathered throughout the whole week just to confess completely vanished, replaced with doubt and sudden insecurity. The way he said those words seemed as if he doesn't care about you at all and the fact that he said it in front of the twins made it even worse. You felt humiliated.

You glanced at Atsumu for help and the setter just sighed before sliding the box of the now half eaten cake to Suna. "Didn't have to be so rude 'bout it, Rin. Taste the cake. Maybe it'll change yer mind and make ya realize how dense ya are."

Suna just glared at him and took a bite, his eyes darting towards your figure. "Were you supposed to give this cake to the person you like?"

Seeing you nod, Suna rolled his eyes. "I don't think it's a good idea. It tastes like shit, I'm sure the guy would reject you the moment he takes a bite."

Your heart dropped at what he said. Not only did he say that your cooking was bad but also rejected you without saying it directly. The moment you felt your eyes tearing up, you immediately stood up and left the table, ignoring the continues yells of a certain miya.

Suna stared at your back before frowning at Atsumu. "What's up their ass? I just said it didn't taste good is all. They didn't have to be sensitive." Contrary to his words, Suna grabbed the fork and continued eating the cake.

"They made the cake for ya, dumbass," Atsumu answered and stood up, quickly grabbing his things before leaving to follow you.

Suna froze upon realizing what Atsumu meant. Eyes darting towards Osamu, he muttered a small curse before gripping his hair in frustration. "Samu..."

Not even waiting for what Suna wanted to say, Osamu shook his head no with a displeased look. "Ya fucked up big time. Sorry but I can't help ya with this one."

-

Suna was on his own.

No matter how much he tried convincing the twins to help him, neither of them agreed. He didn't know how to approach you after what happened. You basically ignored him even during practices, only doing your duties and talking to him when instructed by Kita.

Several days went on yet you were still ignoring him, and to say that Suna was getting fed up was an understatement. Not only were you ignoring him but you were also spending too much time with Atsumu.

Sure, he was aware that you two are bestfriends, but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't turn into something more. After all, Atsumu was a likeable guy. It wouldn't be impossible for you to fall in love with someone like him.

And so, the moment Suna saw Atsumu almost kissing your cheek, he snapped.

With fast strides, he went over to your direction and pulled you away from your bestfriend who only shrugged his shoulders and went on his way as if nothing happened.

Suna stopped when you reached an empty classroom and he immediately shut the door behind him for privacy. "I'm sorry for being rude to you last time," he started.

"You weren't only rude to me, ya know?" you said and averted your gaze from him. "You also rejected me. I know that I haven't directly confessed to you yet but it still hurt. I just assumed that maybe I had a chance since we were close with each other. I'm sorry for-"

"Please, don't," Suna said to cut you off. He stepped closer to you and placed his hands on your shoulders, regret visible on his face. "Don't apologize for liking me."

"But Rin..."

"I don't want you to take it back. I like you too, y/n. So please..." Suna dropped his arms to his sides and rested his forehead on your shoulder before muttering, "Please don't ignore me anymore. I promise I'll love you the way you deserve."

You felt yourself soften at his words and despite how much what he said last time hurt you, you knew that deep inside, your heart belongs to him. You brought your hand up to run your fingertips over Suna's hair before nodding. "I won't ignore you anymore, Rin. You know why?"

He lifted his head up to look at you hopefully. "Because you like me?"

"You guessed right."

The moment you said those words, Suna immediately placed his hand on your jaw, angling your head up to him. "And I like you too."

Not able to hold himself back anymore, Suna leaned down and pressed his lips against yours, your eyes closing as you savored the feeling of finally kissing the man you like.

Iwaizumi Hajime

Iwaizumi is your brother's bestfriend

The first time you saw him was when you were in first grade, him and Tooru being a year older than you

Despite the small age gap, you still grew close with him as most of your time, you spent with Haji watching random movies and playing volleyball

When you entered high school, you only became closer to them

He protected you from bullies and those people who only wanted to use you in order to get closer to your brother

At first, you didn't notice that you were falling for him, thinking that you were just attached to him after being by his side for such a long time

But when you realized that your gazes lingered on him longer, your mind started wondering the feeling of his hand holding yours, and the way your heart fluttered everytime he was close, you knew that you've fallen for him deep

It was a Friday night, both you and Tooru were dressed in your pajamas as you waited in your room for Iwaizumi to finish making the popcorn.

Today, you all scheduled a movie night since this was the only time the three of you are free. Being a third year and a volleyball player at the same time was hard on both your brother and Iwaizumi's time and often times, you had to cancel due to them having an early practice.

Luckily for you, it seemed that their coach finally had mercy and decided to give them a weekend break.

You, on the other hand, had lots of free time in your hand since your workload isn't as heavy as theirs which is why you were always the one who adjusted when it comes to the schedule of your movie marathon night.

"Iwa-chan, gimme the one with more popcorn!" Tooru immediately said as soon as Iwaizumi stepped inside your room, balancing two bowls of popcorn in his hold.

You rolled your eyes at your brother and stood up to help Iwaizumi, purposely showing your brother how you took the one with more popcorn in it. "Sucker," you said, sticking your tongue out at him.

Iwaizumi sighed at your attitude and plopped down beside you which made your heart flutter as always.

When the movie started, you noticed how much the two were so focused on the screen. You felt a little guilty since you were basically the one who suggested the movie yet you were the one who isn't paying attention.

How can you even focus if your crush is literally sitting beside you on your bed?

You could even smell him by how close he is beside you. You were, after all, crushed in between him and your brother, a blanket covering the three of you as you squished yourselves in your bed.

As the movie went on, you felt your eyelids getting heavier. You let out a small yawn and rubbed your eyes, the sound of the people talking on the screen making you feel drowsy instead of stopping you from sleeping.

Iwaizumi, who had noticed the way your head was swaying from side to side, gently took the half empty bowl of popcorn from your hold and wiped your fingers with a baby wipe. He then carefully guided your head to rest on his shoulder before refocusing his attention on the movie.

When you woke up, the room was silent. The television was already turned off and the lamp was already turned on. You looked beside you and noticed that the spaces beside your bed were already empty, reminding you that you must've fallen asleep and Iwaizumi and Tooru must've transfered to their rooms already.

Feeling your throat demanding for some water, you slid off your bed and made your way towards the kitchen. As you grabbed the glass, you almost dropped it upon seeing a reflection of a man behind you.

"You scared me," you whispered into the quietness as you came face to face with your brother's bestfriend.

He chuckled and ruffled your hair before grabbing himself his own glass, eyes staring at you as he downed the water within seconds. "Sorry. I didn't expect you to wake up since you always sleep like a log," he said with a grin.

You lightly smacked his chest, your cheeks heating up as you felt his hard muscles, no doubt the results of playing his sport.

A small growl coming from your stomach suddenly disturbed the silence, Iwaizumi's laugh immediately booming throughout the kitchen as you blushed in embarrassment. "Shut up. I only ate popcorn, you know?"

Shaking his head with a small smile, Iwaizumi pointed at the stool before saying, "Go sit. I'll whip you up something to eat."

You immediately obliged and couldn't stop yourself from smiling as you admired his back while he cooked. "Neh, Haji," you called out.

"Hm?" he hummed, throwing a quick glance at you.

"Do you like someone?"

You knew that asking such question was bold of you, especially when neither of you totally expected it. You didn't even know how the words managed to get out of your lips. All you knew was that if there was a perfect time to confess, it would be now.

After all, with your brother enjoying his time in dream land, nobody would disturb the both of you. It was serene, and you hoped that the outcome would be just as serene as the moment.

"Where's this coming from? Is this your way of trying to confess to me?" Iwaizumi said with a chuckle.

"And what if it is? What are you going to do?" You bit your lower lip anxiously as you waited for his reply.

But instead of embracing you and confessing his feelings too just like you expected, you were greeted with the seriousness of Iwaizumi when he spun around. He walked over to you and and placed the freshly cooked Omirice infront of you.

"Then I'd have to reject you," he answered simply, his voice sounding as if the topic wasn't up for any discussion.

"Why? Is it because I'm Tooru's sibling?" You frowned at him and crossed your arms over your chest. "You know that wouldn't change anything if you date me, right? You'd still be Tooru's bestfriend."

"I already said I'd reject you. That's it, end of discussion." With that, he turned his back on you and made his way out of the kitchen.

But before he can even completely walk out on you, you grabbed his wrist to stop him. "But I like you, Haji. I always have.." You voice seemed tiny all of a sudden and your grip on his wrist tightened instinctively when you felt him removing your grip easily with his free hand.

"I'm sorry but I don't like you, y/n. Now, let go and stop with your delusions because no matter what you do, I'll never like you."

You felt your heart shatter at those words, tears quickly streaming down your cheeks as you watched him walk away, leaving you all alone in the now empty kitchen.

Guess you don't always get what you want, huh?

The rest of the weekend, you did your best avoiding Iwaizumi to make sure that you don't make him uncomfortable. You made sure to stay cooped up in your room until you were certain that Iwaizumi had already left. Heck, you even rejected your brother's offer when he asked if you wanted to go meet up with rest of the boys at the mall.

You knew that Tooru wasn't unaware that something happened since you've never rejected any offer when it comes to shopping. But even if he did, he sure stayed quiet about it and gave you space which you were thankful for.

A week rolled by and Iwaizumi was starting to get antsy. His spikes were not as good and his movements were too sloppy to the point that their coach had to sub him out during one of their practice games.

As he sat on the bench, his mind went back to the time he rejected you. Back then, he was sure that he did the right decision. He was a third year and you were only in your second year. Not only would it seem that he was after some kid, he would also look like an asshole who only befriended Oikawa for his sibling.

But that was before.

Now, he wasn't so sure anymore. He missed your affection towards him and the way you cared for him. He missed how you often visit their practice and give him first his water bottle instead of Tooru. He missed your playful banter and the way you irritate him by simply joining forces with your brother.

Fuck, he missed you.

And the way he only realized it now made it even worse.

Iwaizumi ran his fingers through his hair out of frustration, and when he saw someone handling him a water bottle, he instantly lifted his head up expecting to see you. Except it wasn't you, it was Tooru.

He mumbled a small "Thanks," before sighing evidently, making Tooru raise a questioning eyebrow at him.

"Just what happend between you and y/n?"

Seeing the panic on Iwaizumi's expression, Tooru just rolled his eyes. "Don't even try denying it, Iwa-chan. I'm not that stupid, you know? Y/n's basically isolating themselves inside their room as if they're scared that you might visit anytime and you.. your play sucks that even Makki and Matsun noticed it."

"Didn't have to remind me," Iwaizumi grunted.

"Hmm," Tooru pressed a finger to his chin as if he was thinking, eyes slightly widening as he remembered something. "Is it because they finally confessed to you?"

"How did you-"

"Oh it's simple! I heard my dearest sibling practicing their confession several times before you came last Saturday. I didn't expect them to confess that early though. The confession sounded too plain for my liking," Tooru said with a hum.

Iwaizumi could only look at him with parted lips. How come Tooru seemed unbothered by the thought of you confessing? Wasn't he supposed to act like a protective brother?

Noticing the way Iwaizumi was staring at him, Tooru pouted. "What're you looking at, Iwa-chan? You're not thinking of dating me instead, are you?"

"Dumbass. I'm thinking why you seem too relaxed at the idea of your sibling confessing to me," Iwaizumi said, hitting the back of Tooru's head.

"Eh? Why? Did you expect me to go apeshit on you?" Tooru chuckled. "Don't worry Iwa-chan, I completely approve of you dating them! Just don't try to hurt their feelings or I'll be mad for sure!"

"But I already rejected them." Iwaizumi groaned and rested his head against his palm out of frustration.

Tooru, who seemed to gain sympathy at his partner, patted his back and said, "Then we'll just have to do something about it, don't we?"

-

When you arrived home, the house was eerily quite. The lights were all off making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. You knew how much Tooru hated coming home with the lights off so you always made sure to leave it on in case you arrive later than him.

"Tooru?" you called out as you switched the lights on. You surveyed the whole living room and kitchen but your brother was nowhere to be found.

Shrugging your shoulders, you went up to your room and almost screamed at the sight of a man sitting on top of your bed, a bouquet of flowers in hand along with a bunny stuffed toy.

"Why do you always have to scare the shit out of me? I swear one of these days, I'll die of heart attack because of you," you scolded as you closed the door behind you. You discarded your bag on the couch and stood in front of Iwaizumi with your arms crossed over your chest. "What's all this about?"

Scratching the back of his head, Iwaizumi spared a quick glance at your wardrobe before sighing. "They're um... They're for you." He handed you the flowers and the bunny, eyes watching you warily as you smelled the pink roses.

You weren't unaware of what was happening. You always witness these kinds of things but since you were still hurt about what he said, you decided that you wouldn't give in to him that easily.

"Thank you," you answered dryly before placing the roses on top of your study desk.

Iwaizumi cannot help but panic because of this. Have you already decided that you no longer like him? What if you already got yourself a boyfriend? His thoughts started running wild inside his head and it was only when you touched his shoulder that he was brought back to the reality.

"Sorry...I," Iwaizumi fisted his hands on his sides before continuing. "I'm sorry for hurting your feelings, y/n. I didn't want to reject you. I actually like you but I got scared. I mean, you're Oikawa Y/n, my bestfriend's sibling. I didn't want you to think that I was only friends with your brother because I like you. In the end, I hurt you and god knows how stupid I am for doing such thing."

By this time, Iwaizumi's eyes were closed, afraid of looking at your reaction. He was even biting his lips and if not for the seriousness of the moment, you would've took a picture of his adorableness.

"I guess an apologizing Haji, is a cute Haji," you said with a smile making his eyes open.

"Shut up," he said shyly with the tips of his ears turning red. "I'm being serious, you know?"

"And I'm being serious as well. I'm not kidding when I said you're being cute right now," you said, continuing to tease him.

"Y/n."

You giggled at the warning in his tone. "Alright, alright. 'm sorry." You took his hand in yours and gave it a small squeeze before lifting your gaze up to him, all signs of goofiness now vanishing from your face and replaced with honesty and admiration. "I like you too, Haji. I still do."

"Shit." Iwaizumi smiled and wrapped his arms around your waist, his strong arms lifting you off the ground out of happiness.

You squealed as you were lifted and you encircled your arms around his neck to cling to him.

"Gosh, Iwa-chan! My sister said she likes you too and the first thing you say is shit?!" Tooru said as he revealed his presence, his hand rubbing his back at the ache for staying too long in the cramped closet.

You gave Iwaizumi a few taps on his back which he immediately understood. He placed you down and grinned as he watched you taking your brother out of your room by pulling at his ear.

"Ouch, y/n-chan! Iwa-chan, help me!"

Iwaizumi just chuckled as the door infront of him slammed shut, the shouts of Tooru as you hit him bringing a sense of satisfaction to Iwaizumi.

likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated ♥️

[tteokdoroki]

waves that hurt | k.bakugou + i.midoriya.

♡ pairing: katsuki bakugou x gn!reader x izuku midoriya.

♡ word count: 3.04K

♡ rating: everyone.

♡ genre: pro hero!au, hurt, angst and comfort.

♡ summary: dark days mean dark waves that crash across your mind, intrusive and mean the waves pull you under— but they are the helping hands that pull you up and let you breathe.

♡ warning(s): please read ! heavy tw for depression, intrusive thoughts and self depreciation, self doubt and low self-worth. this fic is written mostly from personal experiences and may not be accurate to how everyone feels! mentions of therapy.

♡ author’s note(s):  this is my contribution to @doinmybesthere​ ‘s mental health awareness collab, this is kinda personal to me and something i experienced recently!! i hope it can provide some comfort to anyone out there, please don’t forget to check out everyone else’s works and i hope you’re all safe ‘n well <3

♡ masterlist | requests | kofi

“kacchan, it’s much worse this time, i really think you should come home early tonight.”

deku whispers into the phone, his marred hands rub slow and soothing circles into your back from over the duvet— you can feel his warmth, light and airy through it but he feels and sounds much further away. a million miles across a dark ocean that trickles through your thoughts, intrusive and mean, keeping you under and away from clear air.

you wouldn’t want to pull him into this, bother him with the way you drown in dark thoughts— so you pull away from your boyfriend and tuck yourself away into the sheets.

izuku doesn’t retract his hand even as you pull away, listening to katsuki grunt orders down the phone— make sure yn’s eaten, make sure yn’s had water. basic things you should be able to do on your own but can’t, paralysed by the anxiety and depression that clamps down on you like a vice and refuses to let you up so you can just breathe. you want to breathe and not feel like the world is crashing down on you, to have a second to yourself where everything seems like it’s okay.

brushing fingers over the nape of your neck, toying with the coils of your baby hairs, your boyfriend speaks, only gently. “baby,” says quietly, his weight causing the bed to dip. “katsuki will be home soon, do you want to come with me to let him in?” you shrug, a sick feeling twisting in your gut. you see the black tendrils and waves in the back of your mind, bringing forth a new batch of ugly words that force you down. are you really that much of a burden these days that katsuki has to call it quits on work for you? “how are you feeling?”

you don’t know, you don’t know how to tell him that every thought you have hurts and there’s a pain in your chest with every breath you take. “i don’t know, it’s just...bad izu…” you want to explain how you feel deep inside, but the words are trapped like balls of tar in your throat— fear that if you say something he’ll walk away.

“you don’t have to say anything, don’t force yourself to…” he speaks with a soft voice, cotton to your ears in an attempt to soothe you. you can just about feel the clean air flowing through your lungs at the sound— it tells you he loves you, no matter what and you almost believe it before sinking back under. “let’s get you some water okay? wouldn’t want kacchan scolding us would we?”

the joke hangs in the murky and heavy air for a few seconds before you muster a small smile— your green haired boyfriend lets out a tiny sigh of relief and pressed a kiss into your hairline, the affection simmers under your skin and briefly brings light to your dark mind as izuku starts leading you to the kitchen.

you’re curled up in izuku’s lap when the front door pops open with a click— signifying your other boyfriend had arrived home. you flinch, hiding yourself in the blankets keeping you warm and locking away the dark thoughts from the eyes of your lovers.

part of you hated them seeing you this way, that’s why you forced yourself to keep everything away from them— but they knew, they always did and always came to your rescue. you didn’t want them to feel like they had to look after you when the days were bad and draining and your mind took hold of everything that you felt. you didn’t need the weight of your own problems on the shoulders of two pro heroes who had enough to deal with.

in the end, you would destroy them like you did with yourself.

you can hear katsuki shedding his gear by the door, feeling his intense and heated presence flood the room and barely penetrate the barrier you created for yourself even while you lay in izuku’s arms. for as long as you’d known the two— even from back in your U.A days, bakugou had hated self-pity, of course in recent years he’d cooled down a little and spoke less on the actions of others but even still, you weren’t sure if you could handle him looking down on you for looking down on yourself and for feeling this way.

the blanket is suddenly lifted from your head, momentarily blinding you with the overwhelming light that is your boyfriend, katsuki bakugou. a twinkle of concern lines his ruby eyes and you can see traces of his charcoal eyeliner that he usually smudges underneath his mask— he’s so beautiful but you’re afraid of the twitches of worry, afraid that he’s mad at you for being the way you are.

“hey honey,” bakugou hums, crouching to your level to cup your cheeks, stress bleeding from his body when you nuzzle into him.

izuku gives you a squeeze, an encouraging one and you nod. “hi,” is all you can muster, afraid of blurting the intrusive words that crackle across your brain.

katsuki sits back on his haunches, looking between you and his boyfriend before he attempts to kick off his shoes. the room is full of a thick, ugly quietness that you know you’re responsible for— they don’t have to say anything, you know that it’s you. because when you’re like this it’s hard for bakugou and midoriya to talk, afraid that they’ll say something to set you off and you afraid that they’ll leave if they knew how you really felt. how trapped and alone you felt inside, how the twisted darkness added tones to your vibes and dragged you down with every step that you took.

they don’t need to say it because it flows from your body like a rushing river and drowns them, fills their lungs and it’s your fault for infecting them with your own bitter taste of life.

“have you eaten?” the blonde of the two boys asks, looking you dead in the eye. you want to answer, but again the viscous back from earlier starts to flood through your body. you try to take care of yourself of these days where you feel it the hardest, but it’s difficult to move and to breathe— and the drive to complete even the simplest of tasks is barely ever there.

you move to speak, caught up in the thick smog of your own brain when izuku gives your body a squeeze and shakes his head, the forest of his hair brushing against your cheek. “you’ve had water, right?” izuku has no problem answering for you. “but nothing to eat,” he whispers, keeping his voice low as if to hide his worry from you— it’s light in his tone but tremors throughout the number one’s body. you feel sick for making him feel that way.

katsuki’s gaze shifts back from his boyfriend to you, his expression unreadable because he knows how you get if they worry too much about you. you’re thankful, partly for that at least, his blank face prevents your mind from reading too deep into things and blaming yourself for things out of your own control.

“‘m makin’ your favourite for dinner. you’ll eat it, no questions asked.” the explosive pro hero states firmly, rising from his place crouched down by your side, obviously not before thumbing over your cheeks to wipe away evidence of your dried tears. “gonna run you a bath too, damn nerd better get you upstairs and ready by the time it’s done.” deku’s chest rumbles with a light hearted chuckle beneath you, lifting the heavy weight of the air within the room— bakugou had always loved brashly, with a fiery intensity that hardly left room for the answer ‘no’, and while izuku was more tame, they balanced one another out in a way that felt more like a warm hug than a battle. they grounded you, in the best of ways.

true to his disgruntled words, your blonde headed boyfriend runs you a hot bath. you don’t miss the addition of lavender oil to the perfectly warm water, the baking soda which you’re sure he only knew to add because his mother had said it would remove the demon spawn toxins in his body. izuku is the one to help you strip, holds your hands as you kick off gross comfort clothes and folds them away, after pressing kisses to your groggy face and chin.

it’s almost funny to see the two biggest and beefiest pro heroes sit on your bathroom floor crossed legged and beside the tub— both of them taking up the majority of the room. you know for a fact that no one would believe the sight unless they saw it, but they’re there. both of them, izuku midoriya and bakugou katsuki are with you encompassed in the silence while you wash away the ugly words that plague your mind and fill the pores of your skin.

they’re still there.

even as sweet lavender water moves in soft waves over your bare body, while black ink moves in the same way across your brain— tattooing self-depreciating thoughts into every inch. you’re not worth their time, they say, you’re wasting it. because how could their precious time be put to good use if you’re taking it up, they could be saving people but instead your boyfriends are here, drowning in your own darkness.

they’re still fucking here.

when they could be out there saving the people who needed it, who were suffering out there in the world outside of your home.

and the suds against your body, the warm water sloshing over your thighs isn’t enough to get rid of the burning sensation of vile phrases printing themselves against your body and clouding every thought that you think. toxic, mean and nasty things you can’t scrub away— none of it is enough to make you feel like you deserve bakugou tenderly lathering you up with the rose scented soap his mother had sent you for christmas or the sips of cool water midoriya brings to your lips in order to prevent you from overheating in the steam of the bathroom.

deku catches the painful twist in your face, pausing his movements to study you. “whaddya need?” you need it to stop, to find something to replace the pain and doubts that fill you.

“water, hotter,” you croak quietly, tears building up in the base of your throat as katsuki catches on and flicks the tap for a stream of hot water to fill the tub. “please,”

they tell you to let them know when to stop if the heat gets too much, but the scalding water burns away any reminders of the self loathing you feel across every inch of your mind, your body and your soul. it stings at the darkness in a way that’s painfully soothing and maybe if you sink under— it could stop hurting completely. if you could slide deeper into the water, would the waves of darkness not crash so hard?

and then the damn breaks, like a tsunami the guilt and anguish you feel crashes over your body and takes control, leaving you fighting for oxygen in the form of your happiness.

everything that you’d been holding back flows freely in salty tears from tired eyes, scorching a path down the apples of your cheeks and mingling with the contents of the tub below. your boys, they don’t notice at first, how you cry and curl in on yourself until you think the world won’t notice you anymore but then just as they always do, they’re pulling you into their warmth and bubble of light— freeing you from black intrusive tendrils even if it means they have to crawl into the tub and wade their through the ocean you’ve made to set yourselves apart.

“don’t—!” you heave with an uneven voice, signs of you falling apart evident in every way. bakugou and deku pull away from you slowly, with dripping shirts and worry written across freckled faces and red eyes. they’re scared for you, hate seeing you force your feelings down and away from them. “please don’t touch me—you’ll—“

the water in the bathtub sloshes from where you retract from their touch, backing yourself up against the wall and away from your boys. “we’ll what?” izuku presses but only gently, keeping you afloat, stopping you from sinking and bakugou stays put in his place, letting the latter talk you down.

you shake your head, trying to think of the right words but it’s hard to, with the crashing waves heavy against your ears. how do you tell your lovers that everything hurts, to think and to feel, to live day by day. you don’t want to bother them with and an extra stress to their busy lives. but you can’t keep it in any longer, bursting at the seams. “you’ll drown. i-if i touch you, i’ll pull you under, you’ll drown with me and you won’t be able to breathe and all those horrible things that i think about will burn in your lungs until you give up fighting like me,” your tears and hiccups interrupt your words, but they listen. bakugou and deku, they listen and they stay.

“yn—“

“because if you do, then all that i feel will be a burden to you— i’ll break in ways that can’t be fixed and you’ll be forced to pick up the pieces and i’ll just be a burden,” you continue, not even pausing to take a breath while you continue to cry. “if you stay to pick up the pieces, you’ll be taken away from people who need you, who are worth saving, and can be helped and—“

you can’t recount how many nights, similar to this in which you wondered why and how two pro heroes could want and love you, why they dealt with your down days that sometimes outnumbered the ups— even if they’d shown you how much they cared, you couldn’t help but feel guilty as if your sadness took up their time to save someone else.

“you can be helped, yn. you don’t have to go what you’re going through alone, you’re worth the time and the effort of helping, no one deserves to suffer,” the green haired of your two boyfriends cuts through the tail ends of your words, still keeping distance until he knows it’s safe to touch you again. there is no look of condescending pity on his face, no sign to show you’ve pulled him into the dark of your mind. it’s just izuku, trying to help you pull through.

you look to katsuki hesitantly, he hasn’t said a word. “but i don’t want to be seen as...as weak, or to worry you because i can’t get out of my own head—“

“y’not fuckin’ weak, we’d never think that of you. we see you try to hide your pain, pretend things don’t get to you when they do. but fuckin’ handlin’ things on ya own can make y’stronger than any two heroes combined,” a look of anger flashes across his features, finer with age and tired with work. but bakugou isn’t angry with you, but with himself for leading you to believe that you were an extra weight on his shoulders. both of their shoulders. “yer not gonna get rid of us or scare us away, we love ya, we’re here for ya ‘n if it’s help that you need or think yer not worthy of, we’ll find some. it’s okay t’ask for help.”

maybe it’s hearing it from someone else, that your pain and your depression is valid, that you’re not an extra weight on the people you love that allows you to come up from a tar-like ocean for fresh air in your lungs, for the waves to calm and the storm raging in your mind to soothe. maybe it’s the two of your boyfriends being there for you despite the fear that you’d scare them away with not being okay that washes away some of the awful things you think.

you know that their support won’t make things go away over night, that it will take time for you to heal but for now you can keep your head above the water just long enough to breathe.

“can i touch you now? is it okay?” deku asks, feeling less distant from you than at the start of the day, but as your body shakes with the last of your tears all you manage is a nod before the number one hero is pulling you into his chest from the tub and the number two is wrapping a towel and his arms around you.

you sit sandwiched between the two, they keep you at the surface— holding you tight while you let out what you’ve been holding back. “we can get some help if y’want it, the doctors...therapy might be nerve wrackin’...scary even, but it can help and we’ll be there every single step of the fuckin’ way,” katsuki reasures you with pets to your head, rocking you back and forth on your bathroom floor, steam clinging to the air that you can finally breathe.

izuku nods along in agreement, pressing kisses to your wet hairline. “we’ll be here. you won’t be alone.”

the murkiness of the water in your mind starts to clear, but only just— their warmth starts to push through the clouds like sunshine brushing against your skin. a light to the dark that's plagued your every waking moment, the waves no longer crash and destroy but instead lap comfortingly at your painful thoughts and tame them just enough for you to have a moment of clarity.

you don’t have to be alone or millions of miles away, you deserve the hands of your loved ones that offer you help instead of pushing them away. the process of healing and things like therapy or meds will be hard sometimes, but katsuki and izuku will be here by your side, to help you manage days where darkness rolls in waves that hurt and help you breathe once again.

[whoree321]

Hey, I believe your requests are open, so, could you please write smth were reader and Tech are friends with benefits?

Also, I’m in the same dilemma as you, cause everyone already forgot tbb and I’m still obsessed??? Like, were is everybody excitement about the show, it was gone so fast…

Anyway, thank ya <3

hello friend! this is a delicious request and i am more than happy to oblige! i’m not sure if you wanted like pure angst or like sexy successful fwb but above all else i am a dirty dirty slut for happy endings so i went light angst, heavy fluff, mild smut to get a little of everything lmaooooo. this also got a little out of control and i’m not sorry.

and literally i am suffering so much in this ever increasing drought of bad batch excitement. like i feel like the person at a party when everyone else is tired and wants to leave who’s still just way too hyped and is like “NO WAIT GUYS LETS HAVE MORE SHOTS AND PLAY TRUTH OR DARE COME ON ITLL BE FUN”. i am in absolute agony. but anyways!

a mutually beneficial arrangement (tech x gn!reader)

it was purely sex. just two friends helping each other relieve some stress occasionally. just two friends who happened to have sex with each other. until it wasn’t.

warnings: fwb, mild smut, reader is gender/genital neutral but they are penetrated by tech (amab)

word count: no idea but it’s pretty long

***

In hindsight, it really shouldn’t have shocked you that this was how things played out.

It’s not like you’d ever been friends with benefits with someone before. It’s not like you didn’t know how easily you could develop feelings for people. It’s not like you didn’t know you were maybe just a little too interested in Tech non-platonically before any of this even started.

No, you knew all of those things going into it. You made the conscious decision to be the biggest dumbass in the galaxy.

When Tech had first suggested a friends with benefits situation, it seemed like a much better idea than it actually was. You had been assigned to Clone Force 99 for a few weeks at that point and had already developed fast friendships with all of them (Crosshair even sometimes acknowledged your presence with neutrality and that definitely felt like at least an acquaintanceship). You were closest with Tech, and one tipsy night at 79’s found the two of you making out in a hallway near the bathroom. You could still remember the way his mouth tasted like whiskey as he pressed you up against the wall

He paused his assault on your lips to look at you, breath fanning lightly across your face. You whined at the loss of contact, not noticing in your haze the intensity in his eyes as he studied you, as though if he took in enough of you he would have the answer to an imposssible question. He migrated lower, planting kisses and sucking lightly on your neck until he made his way to your ear.

“Have you ever heard of people being platonic sexual partners?”, he asked low in your ear. You shuddered at the feeling of his breath and the deeper tone to his voice before you answered.

“You mean like friends with benefits?”

“Yes, that is exactly what I mean,” Tech clarified as he moved to once again nibble on the sweet spots of your neck. Had you had a little more sense, you would have warned him not to leave any noticeable marks, lest you suffer the teasing of the rest of the boys.

“I’ve heard of it, I’ve never done it before though. Why?”

“Well, given our current circumstance,” his response was punctuated by his ministrations on your pressure points, “it may be mutually beneficial for us to enter into that type of arrangement.”

You stopped him for a moment, and lifted his face so that you could make eye contact. Tech stood up a little straighter, hands running up and down your sides lightly as he gazed down at you.

“You think that we should be friends with benefits?”

Tech nodded, one hand moving to brush a strand of hair out of your face.

“I believe it would be an advantageous relationship. We could have relations while still maintaining our successful platonicity, thus eliminating the need to alter the dynamic of the squad with the complications of some trivial romance. It would also be physically beneficial. Sexual intercourse has been shown to successfully alleviate stress, as well as…”

He kept going, explaining the health benefits of sex, but it was hard to pay attention to his rambling while you tried to clear your head of the alcohol and the intoxication of his touch and figure out where you stood on his proposition. In that moment, everything he said made total sense. Granted, that part about “trivial romance” stung a little, but you could still fuck him without ruining the squad or your friendship with him, and Maker did you want to fuck him…

Uncharacteristically cutting off his rant, you responded. “I accept your offer. I would love to be friends with benefits with you.”

Tech grinned, a lust forming in his eyes at the new promise of the benefits the night was leading to.

“Splendid”

From that (mind-blowing) night, sex became a very regular thing. A mission went poorly? Frustrated sex. A mission went well? Celebratory sex. The Batch got leave time? Vacation sex. The Batch hadn’t gotten leave time in too long? Cabin fever sex. It really had started out pretty platonically, but after the first few times you could feel yourself falling head over heels for him. You knew you should stop it, Tech would never hold it against you or be upset if you changed your mind. You told yourself again and again that you would just break it off with him, but then his hands and his lips and his body would be on you, and the hungry way he looked at you would knock the air, and any ideas of making him stop, out of you.

In your defense, it wasn’t like you were the one who had suggested it. Tech had to know the likelihood that your “platonic sexual relationship” would only stay platonic for so long. Actually, you were surprised he hadn’t done a little more analysis of the situation. If he had taken into account all of the factors (the rate of failure in friends with benefits situations, each of your levels of emotionality and past relationships, the effects of living and working in close quarters, etc), you can’t imagine he would have thought it was a smart idea. If Tech had crunched the numbers like he normally would, it wouldn’t have produced favorable results. So for him to want to do it anyway, or to not even analyze it beforehand, must mean he had some sort of feelings for you, right?

This was one of the various problem in your current situation. Tech would always do things that were just on the line between “friends” and “more than friends”. He would go out of his way to do little things for you, he would share info and jokes and side comments with you that he never tried to share with brothers, he would blush when you complimented any of his work, he would stand just a little too close to you or let his touch linger just a little too long. He would suggest a sexual relationship that was highly statistically improbable to be successful.

And while Tech offered nothing but mixed signals, you took it a step further and let those mixed signals fester in your brain until you had warped them into one very clear signal: he liked you as more than a friend. You were so sure of it too. Why would he do all of those things if he didn’t like you like that? It’s not even like he treated you like some one night stand when he fucked you. He cared about making you feel good (usually it seemed like he cared more about you getting off than him), he would clean you up after and you always stayed the night together, cuddled and whispering late into the night about nothing and everything.

There was nothing friendly about your intimate nights together, come to think of it. Friends that just fucked would never treat each other so tenderly or lovingly. It’s not that completely unbelievable to think you would accidentally blurt out that you love him. Tech should have expected that.

But it was out there, unfortunately. You had committed the cardinal sin of being friends with benefits and you couldn’t take it back.

Tech’s brutal pace never faltered as he pumped in and out of you, your moans growing louder and louder as you began to approach your peak. He gazed down at you, locking eyes, and the emotion you could feel behind them was overwhelming. You could tell that he was close, with all the experience you had with him you knew his body better than your own, and he brought his hand up to softly caress your cheek.

“You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe I get to see you like this,” he huffed out, brow furrowing as the rhythmic slamming of his hips against you brought him closer and closer to the edge.

At his words, you reached your climax, and as you came undone words of ecstasy slipped from your lips between wails of pleasure.

“Kriff Tech… ah…. Tech..fuck…I love you”

You didn’t even realize it at first, too caught up in the moment, but Tech did. His eyes grew impossibly wide, and he was finishing inside you before either of you could fully process what you had just said.

As you both came down from your high, the gravity of your admission settled between you. Tech pulled out and flopped down next to you wordlessly, and for a few minutes you both just stared at the ceiling in torturous silence. And then he got up and walked to the refresher, not even looking at you once, and you felt like that was all the confirmation you needed that you woefully misinterpreted your entire relationship with him.

You lept out of his bunk, threw your clothes on, and left as silently as possible, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill down your cheeks. At least you could spare yourself the embarrassment of your words in that moment, and both of you could just forget it and move on.

Of course, you knew that pretending it didn’t happen would be impossible. You told him you loved him, and he said nothing. For several minutes. And then hid in the fresher. That was a clear rejection, and while it devastated you, you were still hoping that the two of you could just move on and be friends like you were before the benefits were added.

Apparently to Tech, you had offended him beyond repair. He never spoke to you (unless it was specifically mission oriented), he rarely looked at you or acknowledged your presence, and he positioned himself as far from you as possible at every opportunity. It had been two weeks since your slip up, and he hadn’t even made eye contact with you once.

It was agony. You missed him. You didn’t even really know what it was like to be on this squad without keeping him company while he made repairs or asking him questions about the next place you were going just to hear him talk. You missed making snide jokes with him. You missed admiring the way his goggles magnified his gorgeous caramel eyes.

The other boys noticed the shift very quickly. They had suspected the two of you had some sort of arrangement, and they knew how close you were, so to see it change so abruptly was concerning. Hunter had tried talking to you about it a few times, but you just reassured him that everything was fine and it was nothing he needed to worry about. Wrecker and Crosshair tried to pick up the slack, and started filling in the holes in your routine that Tech used to occupy. Crosshair would sit next to you in the mornings and during briefings, sometimes trying to make little comments in your ear like Tech would. On missions, Wrecker would always aim to pair up with you, and afterwards would try to do something fun like find a sweet treat or rent a good movie.

You appreciated so much what they did for you. But no matter how hard they tried, nothing could take your mind off the wall of ice Tech had built between you. You loved the other boys, but trying to share happy moments with them when all you could think about was how much better it would be with him was becoming unbearable. You didn’t want to leave them, but you couldn’t stay with Tech being so close to you and yet lightyears away.

As you filled out your transfer paperwork, you chuckled wryly to yourself. Even without the “trivial romance”, the squad was still disrupted. In a bittersweet way, it felt good for Tech to be wrong.

***

Tech had really done his best to analyze the evidence and make an informed decision based on his findings. He had been crunching his numbers with you since the day you joined the Batch, after all. Back then, it was the probability of your attraction to each of them. Tech was fascinated with you, and right off the bat he wanted to know his odds- just out of curiosity of course (for the record, they were pretty highly in his favor).

He knew there were pros and cons to the possibility of a relationship with you. First of all, it was technically against regulation for any clone to be involved in a romantic relationship. Second of all, it was likely that such a relationship would have the potential to cause countless rifts and points of weakness among his squad (regardless of the relationship’s success). Then there was also the very possible chance that the relationship wouldn’t work out anyway, leaving both of you hurt and irreparably damaging your friendship. As much as Tech may have wanted you, the costs unfortunately outweighed the benefits.

But then he kissed you at 79’s. And you kissed him back. And there he was, kissing you at 79’s, memorizing the sweetness of your lips on his. And he knew he should stop. He had studied the data and it’s conclusions were not very good, and if he had any sense at all he would stop. But he pulled away and looked at you, took in the flush on your cheeks and the dazed look accompanying your dilated pupils and the swell of your bruised lips. And he couldn’t bring himself to part ways with you. So he offered the closest thing to a relationship he could think of: friends with benefits.

A friends with benefits arrangement would be a more than adequate solution, Tech had decided. He could be physical with you in the proper moments, and then outside of those moments everything would be just as it was before. The squad’s dynamic and mission proficiency would remain consistent, and technically no regulations were being broken since they only specified romantic relationships. Of course, it wasn’t truly what he wanted, but in this arrangement he would get to enjoy you so much more than he currently was.

Unfortunately, he had made a critical oversight. In the dim haze of the club hallway, Tech had only considered how casual sex would compare to a full blown relationship. He didn’t think to analyze it singularly. And he certainly didn’t calculate the logistics of a friends with benefits agreement when one of the friends in question already had romantic feelings for the other friend.

But Tech knew himself. He knew he could have feelings for you and not let them get in the way. He could accept what he was able to have and make peace with what he couldn’t. Casual sex seemed like a good idea when his emotions were the only ones he took into account.

He wasn’t expecting you to fall in love with him.

When you had said it, Tech thought his heart was going to stop right then and there. In the heat of the moment, he couldn’t have imagined more precious words falling from your lips, and instantly it had him spiraling over the edge into ecstasy. But then the moment ended, and you didn’t say anything. He wanted to end the silence, to find out if you really meant it, but his brain was moving too fast to figure out what to say because he really hadn’t considered this would happen. It was naive of him, he supposed, but he really had thought the two of you could have done it without the emotional complications. Part of him, of course, was thrilled, but the other part of him, the logical part, was thrown into absolute chaos at the implications of your statement and what it would mean and all the statistics and probabilities he had calculated and

And you still hadn’t said anything. Tech could see you out of the corner of his eye, face red and chest heaving with emotion. You looked embarassed, regretful, and the realization that maybe you didn’t mean it hit him like a brick to the face. Maybe it was just something that slipped out, something your orgasm-addled mind had conjured up against your will and now you didn’t know how to take it back, didn’t know the right way to tell him you don’t actually love him.

It was too much for him to process at once, and he ran to the refresher in the hopes that he could clear his head and actually think coherently about the situation for a moment. Tech couldn’t have been in there long, maybe a few minutes, just long enough to splash some water on his face, look himself in the eye, and come to the conclusion that he needed to just have a conversation with you instead of playing with hypothetical numbers in his head. But then he came back out and you were gone, and that seemed like all the answer he needed. You didn’t mean it.

That was good, right? You didn’t mean it, and the two of you could keep going the way you had been.

But the ache in Tech’s heart said otherwise. You didn’t love him. He loved you, he knew he did, and he could be ok with pretending he didn’t when he didn’t know how you felt. But he knew now. And it hurt.

It hurt everytime he talked to you, so he stopped talking to you. It hurt everytime he was near you, so he stopped being near you. It hurt everytime he looked at you, so he stopped looking. The squad’s performance hadn’t been altered, so Tech concluded that the awkwardness could be tolerated until your presence didn’t feel so much like a blaster shot to his chest.

But just like pretty much every other choice Tech had made in regards to you, that plan only worked until it backfired horrifically.

***

The Batch were back on Kamino in between missions. Tech had been vaguely aware of Hunter being called in to a meeting of some sort, but he offered his full attention as Hunter stormed back into their room and huffed his way to Tech’s workbench.

“I don’t know what you did, but you need to fix things with Y/N. Now”

At the mention of your name, Tech pretended to return to his work, fiddling with a tool and avoiding eye contact.

“I do not know what you are referring-“

“Like hell you don’t Tech! The two of you haven’t even looked at each other in weeks and now they’ve put in a request to be transferred to another unit, so don’t tell me there’s nothing going on between you.”

Tech shot up, tools abandoned and stool knocked over with the force of his standing.

“They requested a transfer?”

“Yeah, they did. Now, I don’t know what happened, but I know your little silent treatment has been hurting them a lot. I don’t want to see them go, and you don’t either. So go talk to them and fix it, or I’ll have you transferred instead,” Hunter ordered, finger pointed at Tech’s chest. The threat was empty, of course, but it had fallen on deaf ears regardless.

Tech all but sprinted out into the hall, desperate to change your mind before you left them for good. As much as it pained him to be near you, the thought of being without you was somehow so much worse. He reached your quarters and unceremoniously burst in, barely giving the doors enough time to slide open before he was moving past them.

You jumped at his sudden entrance, hand coming up to clutch your chest.

“Maker, Tech you scared me!”

“Please don’t leave”

You stared at him, taking in his appearance for the first time. His chest was heaving, like he’d just run a marathon, and his eyes were frantic and impossibly wide behind his goggles. You didn’t think you’d ever seen him so disheveled, even when you’d slept with him.

You wanted to look away, but you were conscious of the fact that this was the first time you had made eye contact in Maker knows how long and you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

“Tech, I-I can’t stay with the way things are. I’m sorry about what I said, I know it was just supposed to be a friend thing and I shouldn’t have fallen in love with you. I really tried not to, but I did and I ruined everything and you can’t even look at me anymore so how can I-“

Tech took step closer, cutting off your rambling as his brow furrowed.

“You fell in love with me?”

He spoke so quietly, it was barely above a whisper. You nodded, confused at his surprised considering the whole issue was that you told him you loved him and he didn’t feel the same. That was the issue, right?

You could practically see the smoke coming out of his ears as he tried to process what was happening.

“I thought… I thought you didn’t mean it”

Now it was your turn to be confused.

“Why would you think that?”

“Y-you didn’t say anything. You confessed your affections for me while in a compromised state and didn’t say anything else afterwards. Your body language indicated regret and-and you left. I concluded that you said it by accident, and did not actually mean it,” he explained as calmly as he could in his rattled state.

“I left because I told you I loved you and you locked yourself in the fresher! And then you wouldn’t talk to me so I figured you were mad at me because I have feelings for you and you don’t feel the same way!”

Tech’s face broke out in a huge grin, and just as you were about to ask him why he was so happy all of a sudden, he rushed forward and passionately slotted his lips against yours. You gasped into him before immediately reciprocating the kiss, and you tangled your hands in his hair as his fingers desperately clutched your hips. Of all the kisses you had shared with him, none had felt the way this one did. There was an emotion pouring into it, one that had always been on the verge of spilling over but never had before. Eventually you broke apart, and you cursed your lungs for needing air.

He leaned his forehead against yours as you both caught your breath, and broke the silence after a few moments.

“I love you, too. I have for a significant amount of time. When you left that night, I incorrectly assumed you did not share my affections. I avoided you after because I… I was hurt. I apologize for misinterpreting your actions, and for allowing you to think that I was upset with you. I assure you, that could not be further from reality.”

You laughed giddily, bumping his nose with yours as you relished in his confession.

“If you loved me, why did you just want to be friends with benefits?”

Tech blushed and look down, a sheepish look overtaking his features.

“Well, I performed a cost-benefit analysis on engaging in a romantic relationship, and the potential complications were too great. A platonic sexual partnership offered a less risky alternative. Although, I must admit that I failed to properly calculate the possible outcomes of such an agreement between two individuals in our specific situation,” he elaborated.

“We might be the two dumbest people in the galaxy,” you joked with a giggle.

“Technically, it is statistically impossible for that to be true, given-“

You cut him off with another deep kiss, your hands coming to rest on his arms as they kept you in his iron-clad grip. He had never loosened his hold, as though he thought if he let you go, you would disappear.

Abruptly, the kiss ended as Tech pulled back slightly to look at you.

“Does this mean you are no longer transferring out of our squad?”

You grinned.

“That depends. Does this mean we can have a real relationship, not just sex?”

Tech brought one hand to rest on his jaw as he looked upwards and pretended to be deep in thought.

“Well, according to my calculations, we have already experienced nearly all of the possible complications of pursuing a romantic relationship, so I have no objection to enjoying some of the benefits,” he concluded with a playful smile.

You leaned up to kiss him again, pausing just before your lips made contact with his to make a sly comment.

“And we know how good we are at some of those benefits already”

[sugar-petals]

♡ physical affection; levi

↳ NOTE. characterizing boyfriend levi, my passion project lmao! with some sexy moments included 👀

WORDS. ⇢ 7k

tags / warnings. ⚠️ smut, fluff, soft sub!levi x female reader, hurt/comfort hc, angst, shower sex, blowjobs + handjobs + boobjobs (yep. spoiling the captain), face-sitting, protected sex, soap kink, season 3-4 setting, no manga spoilers

Ready for a surprise? It’s not really about what kind of skinship he’s extremely selective about and what not. This is only something people would perceive about him at first glance. Instead, it comes down to how emotionally sheltered he feels. Because of his experiences, that predicates everything else. Which is why Levi’s sexuality is as complex as it is.

But also, in its sudden perfect expression once a person gives him a different perspective: That’s the time when he is touchier. The more in private, the better. The lights down low, with only a candle or two shining from another room. Broad daylight brings the harsh truths and the shaking ground. Nighttime is when Levi feels more intimate and open to caress, down his back and arms, the shoulders, the side of his neck. Done with extreme gentleness, and all of your deep respect.

If you offer him an environment of trust, Levi is open to almost anything and would even magically doze off in your arms for a little while. Breathing softly, resting for the first time in weeks, the brows becoming less tense the deeper he sleeps. You asking if you can stroke his hair (carefully, not messing it up or anything) is something he can’t say no to. The closet romantic in him will fulfill you any reasonable wish as soon as you’d ask anyway.

We know how receptive the captain is to a request, and how much there can be a soft spot for somebody in his heart. If you’re forward enough to just ask, Levi sets himself that goal and opens up. He is diligent with it just as you’d expect. That especially includes the things he says are „absolute horseshit nonsense“ and „disgusting, useless activities“ when reacting to newly formed couples kissing in the survey corps at the other end of the room. Is he a hypocrite and a hater? Actually— not at all.

Levi is a raised rather than born skeptic. Between courage and care, he is always gonna be torn. Both didn’t work in his favor at some point. But at the end of the day, he fears recklessness more than being cautious. Looking at these couples, he knows that they could lose each other the very next day. Or hell, the next hour. Not everybody has 200 titan kills. 

Not everybody is a physically indestructible Ackerman destined and designed to escape death and outlive others whether they want it or not. And showing themselves this vulnerable out in the open is even more dangerous considering all the political intrigues, chaos, attacks, and espionage going on.

When he’s scoffing at skinship in the survey corps, it’s not his intent to ruin the couples and their little happiness in the present moment (nothing he sees as more tragically precious), or say only he can have a relationship because he’s strong enough to make it survive. If anything, Levi is the prime example of how all his connections were doomed exactly because of his status pulling in all the danger. He very well and painfully knows.

What I mean is: He sees the brutality of consequences that can create more misery than if two people would just go about their business. Levi already dreads that the same might happen to him. But after all, the behavior of others is easier to rectify than his own undeniable feelings for you. Which he cannot control in any way, which is why he reacts to others instead. Looking at other people holding hands, he’s also afraid how dabbling in love is a distraction from threats that can even backfire on uninvolved others if someone is suddenly in harm’s way.

Levi does associate physical touch with something that takes an otherwise observing mind off when it shouldn’t be. To him, it creates something so valuable that can become an unintended burden through all kinds of circumstances, he’s seen it all, it’s terrible he had to. And the reason why he has such a torn relationship with it. You really have to know your stuff to build a resilient little bubble where Levi is not constantly hypervigilant and either past- or future-focused.

Which is pretty damn hardwired into him. It’s almost impossible to bring on that kind of atmosphere spontaneously. It has to be ritualized. His intelligence comes with the downside of overthinking and having problems with spontaneous romance, it’s good to direct his thought into something that’s always done in a specific, structured way. You sit down with tea, put the candles on, Levi finishes cleaning his weapons, makes everything combat-ready and usable in seconds, and you carefully lay down on his impeccably made bed together.

Which he never uses, Levi sleeps in chairs. Or on the ground, so he can feel any titan steps in the distance with his whole body, using the cleanest possible mat or towel as a mattress and nothing else. The bed he basically just makes to have it neat, and for you, and to have a spot to lay together. 

But yeah. He will never remove his harness. Not even when you’re sleeping with each other. He’s not once gonna risk having to put it on in a hurry. The only time you will be skin to skin with him is for not even five minutes under the shower. It’s when his cleanliness beats his anxiety around being always ready, which is why that’s a time to fully cherish.

And then, he really has no qualms about you wrapping your hands around his soap-covered torso in the shower anyway. It’s the only time his inner default germaphobe is not vehemently screaming inside his already heavy heart. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, this is about his demons only, confronted with the immense relief you give him. If the latter wins over his mind’s struggle, Levi might draw out the shower time sometimes.

The other voice that tells him ‚don’t make it end so soon’ is now finally convincing him. He will dial down the water stream so he can hear what’s going on outside better to compensate, to know if there’s any ruckus or approaching hazards. Levi has instructed a fast runner among the cadets to bang on the front door under any critical circumstances immediately in the first place.

Levi says he wants to save water, too. He won’t admit it, but he also turns the showerhead to a medium pressure to hear your calm, almost-quiet moans — the barracks have terribly thin walls — better when you’re sucking him off. Slowly, smoothly, not too much spit. Folded towel under your knees because Levi insists, and he is right. The showers in the survey corps have uncomfortable floor tiles. 

He makes sure you won’t get soap in your mouth as well, I don’t have to tell you that he is very circumspect. Levi isn’t usually feeling overly heated in moments like this, but he gets hard and releases fast. You swear his cum tastes like afternoon tea with milk but you won’t tell him that. And who doesn’t like tea and Levi’s homemade milk, no complaints alright.

What’s still a shame is that Levi, always being in such a constant hurry and alertness, puts too much stress on his body for him to become horny all the way. In fact, he often forgets it. He feels numb, and can’t fully take in the sensations. Levi has not been able to feel a lot of genuine pleasure in his life. 

A racing mind is an absolute sex killer, and his adrenaline spikes are so high in combat that most normal things don’t do anything for him. Which is why he brews his tea extra strong. But seriously: It’s a concerning thing. And it tells you to take your time. With his whole body, doing the things he loves the most. And what else could that be? It’s straightforward: Keepin’ it clean.

You make sure that Levi feels extra comfortable by thoroughly massaging his loins and thighs with a sponge during foreplay. Yes, you’re gently working him up. All in circles and light brushing motions. Lots of soap. Suave and bubbly, like silk on his skin. It’s handmade, with oat milk, lavender, and honey. For your honey. You regularly gift a new one to him to try out scents and have supply. You can guess how much Levi appreciates it, to the moon and back in fact. The present box is neatly stored on his office table where he can always see it.

Sending out its balmy fragrance throughout the day, making the room smell amazingly aromatic to him. His nose will never grow tired or accustomed to it. Levi puts the soapbox in a drawer within literal split seconds when someone who isn’t you enters the room. „Tsk, announce yourself when you knock…“ That could even be the newest recruit who doesn’t know anything at all about the place and people. But this is just a you and him thing.

Levi doesn’t want nosy questions from the squad even though nobody would probably even notice the soap laying there in its case, much less ask him about it or the fresh scent in the air because duh, it’s Levi’s office. But it feels absolutely personal for him — so he reacts sensitively about it. This man would probably protect your lavender soap with his blades if he had to. 

The captain is very secretive about your relationship in general. Who on earth would go as far as buy him a new scented bar of joy bi-weekly? At this point, he would crawl on hot coals, needles, lava, ice shards, desert sand, and a mile-long straight of legos (laid out by a maniacally laughing Zeke personally) for you.

Although you wouldn’t allow any of it. Nothing should ever hurt those kitty paws, I mean captain hands and captain feet. You’d put Zeke on blast on your own, luring him with a banana to confuse his senses and then, whack, homerun the monkey into the ocean with Levi’s bristle broom. Problem solved. Anyway.

 Levi wouldn’t hurt himself willingly that way either, the ice shards don’t stand a chance. He has sworn to protect his own life out of self-respect, to honor those passed by living on bravely toward the goal they worked for and being the one always coming home to you. You can rely on him.

So enough about gleaming hot coals and Zeke’s evil legos, back to the point — you already get what I mean. Levi might seem totally grumpy on the outside, but for sure is a devoted man, a caliber as always. He takes all of your presents to heart and is unbelieving as to why he’d be deserving of so much. You prove a point using the gifts as regularly as possible on his body. Where he can feel every bit of your fondness of him. And remember it with muscle memory. Oh shit, this soap does smell so good. As anything on him, who are we kidding.

Dousing Levi with all your attention is the best thing ever. He feels great relaxing with you, and his face softens up. He’s looking at you with a tiny smile in response to you whispering sweet things to him, all while you’re using the sponge on his legs, the chest, and ever-tense back that can definitely use some alleviation. „Thank you for cleaning me“ has got to be the best thing ever to hear from Levi Ackerman. It means the entire world to him. Captain, your mommy kink is showing. His arousal increasing is a natural side effect in no time.

Recently, you’ve been slipping his cock between your breasts as well, and it’s been slowing him down a lot after an eventful mission. While at the same time making him more in the moment, he really enjoys you gradually lathering him up like that. The feeling of skin on skin is amazing. It might be something that… often crosses his mind when he trains during the day, but he can blend it out for the important things. Until you do it all over again, and he ruminates about how much you turn him on until the sun rises.

You also never do a blowjob hands-free. Why would you, anyway? His body is amazingly buff and compact, you want to hold onto those gorgeous lil’ hips and his own hands that need a fair share of holding after carrying the world. You feel him twitching on your tongue when you run either hand over his ass and abs, making sure to trace across all his most erogenous spots there. What’s more: Levi feels really protected and soothed when he feels your palms on him under the streaming water, he can’t explain it.

That's why you like doing shower handjobs just as much. I don’t have to tell you that Levi really delights in them as well and his poker face regularly cracks a bit. His eyes fixate on you, you can tell the connection and involvement. He thinks your fingertips are heavenly, a welcome change to his rugged days. 

He loves how softly they tease and stimulate him with the smallest movements and subtle presses. Yes, Levi doesn’t like rough action, those are vulnerable moments. He has enough brutality elsewhere, violently jerking him off and insulting him would be entirely inappropriate and even scare him.

He’d probably brush your wrists off right away, it’d be so uncomfortable in the silence of the evening. A tender chain of kisses on the nose tip, chin, collar bone, and especially forehead gets him going a lot more. The more chaste and doting the kiss, the more he melts on the inside. 

His anxiety baseline goes down, and he feels like he can let you in. However you guide him and however you choose to indulge him with your lips, Levi is on board, quietly enjoying. Since it’s something that he’s still feeling so new to, leaving you the active role comes naturally.

Stroking him with a deep pace, carefully brushing your lips against his to give him goosebumps — Levi definitely grows into that. In those moments, he really feels taken care of, in safe hands, hands that will stay with him. He’s gonna be surprised just how good something like this feels many times. And be overwhelmed by pleasure to the point where it almost frightens him, he didn’t have that a lot until now.

The satisfaction of a spotless table simply does not compare. Just so you know: He will either be dead silent or mumble under his breath nonstop. That he is okay with you touching him below the belt and even take him in your mouth tells you how much Levi trusts you, how much he knows you love him, and how meticulously he’s already scrubbed and shaved himself beforehand. Yes, the sheer preparation. He puts a lot of work into his body. He couldn’t stand you becoming dirty.

That’s also why the shower is the place oral goes down. And even there, he uses like ten cleaning products to double rinse the stall and himself before and after. Mind you. He sees you eating healthy, brushing your teeth well. Your lips are very beautiful and a masterpiece of nature to him. So it’s not you who he thinks is dirty. Levi is pretty damn paranoid about his own skin and hygiene. If only he would think about himself the way he thinks of your body.

He feels like he has to earn it, be acceptable, and prepare himself endlessly to enjoy touch. Even then, he thinks he must be ugly and revolting. You have to respect him fussing about it rather than forcing him to cut down on his routines. You don’t criticize his perfectionism and see the motivation behind it. So instead, you reassure Levi your own way.

The more he sees you having fun and enjoying his body, the more accepted, confident, and clean he feels. Most people would like to see their partner play up the enthusiasm obviously (unless you have a ‚hiding his amazement’ emo boy kink, which is exactly why you like Levi don’t cha), but it’s particularly meaningful to Levi. Guess why he looks up to Armin’s mentality, and Hange is one of the few people who truly vibe with Levi.

She’s easily amused, dedicated, swooning, excited, and constantly eager. Levi does appreciate a bit of zeal in someone. If you’re a little ardent about touching him, it’ll give his esteem a boost he’s long needed, oh god. Nobody has the guts to praise this guy like that, even if he’s so extremely good-looking. Don’t let him off the hook there. Give him feedback, you’ll be surprised how much it resonates.

It’s already apparent to yourself how keen you are being touchy with him, hell, you’re so in love. Still, it’s a good idea to give him an idea how stoked you are. He doesn’t like it fast and brutally raw without a second thought, but passionate is a whole other debate. A simple „Levi, stay like this, let me do it“ or „Levi, you smell so good“ works wonders. Say what you think and his ease will set in. And I don’t have to tell you that you won’t look like sex is a chore anyway. With Levi, that’s an honor and a pleasure.

That he puts his faith in you and gives you his time is already a massive deal and goes against everything we know of him, what he’s used to, and how his avoidant personality works, being so ridden with losses. And it’s all because of how much you desire and approach him. That’s what it comes down to. 

Even if he’d suffer decades from yearning, he’d not go out of his way to kickstart something, never ever. He’d feel like he’d cause you so much trouble. You wanting him so badly and treating his body like a treasure on the other hand changes his mind.

It proves him wrong all the way. There is still time to enjoy love, the chance is now. Anything else would plague Levi with solitude and self-pity all over again. And the feeling of missing you around in his rooms. Two teacups on the table until he grows old and grey are his ideal of a good life, after all. He will open himself to your emotional and physical presence, realizing how touch-starved he is, and how much it improves his life to have someone to kiss and lay down next to at night.

The even breath at the back of his neck gives him a sense of finally someone sticking around with him side by side, even if he’s gone during the day. It feels good and right to be wanted by you, and nuzzling his face into your cotton dress. Your commitment gives him the little smiles and the silver lining he’s been searching for. He can’t label that feeling, but it’s joy of life and humankind, more than just a willingness for it. He would stay forever pained and bitter if he wouldn’t invite it in now, and you won’t waste that chance with being silent.

You’re attracted to everything about him, tell him, make him aware. The voice, the hair, the mannerisms, his height, his abilities, his mind, his care for others, the posture, how soft his cheeks are, the list is endless. Levi won’t miss how much he’s your type at some point. Which gives him a lot of ease, comfort. You show him that his inferiority complex was an entire smokescreen in his mind. 

He fucking deserves to be called handsome. And by the way — you can lust over him as much as you want when he’s made that time window for your couple stuff. It’s good if you make it as obvious as possible for him. Which is hard to hide anyway. You’ve been masturbating over Levi just sitting there sternly writing something. And he’s like why, and you’re like, it’s you! Look at you!

Levi does want you to touch his skin all over but it’s always sore. And he remains insecure on many days. So he only has particular comfortable spots in the first place. Since hardly anybody dares to touch him, and even if he pats someone’s shoulder nobody would ever be courageous enough to reciprocate, you would feel a bit like a lab scientist. Silently theorizing over him at first even if you really don’t have to. Other people say they’d rather run towards a titan than expose themselves to Levi’s moods, swords, and barking tone after trying to caress him in any way.

News flash, Levi has had such terrible moods since forever because there’s no affection coming to him from anywhere just because people decided he might not need it. And no, he won’t yell at you for touching. He finds it very sweet of you instead. Touching Levi always creates an occasion that will float around in his head for the entire day, that’s guaranteed. He sees how someone goes out of their way and cares for his well-being. He might not like it like standing in the middle of the whole corps, but anywhere else is fair game, at home anyway.

The pressure of dealing with threats he can manage to a degree, and he has lord how many coping strategies. The lack of love he cannot. Big difference that everybody seems to confuse. On top of how he has to be unrelenting in his position because battlefield and the Yeagers being a pain. Most people — except maybe Armin — see that as a closedness to touching altogether. 

The whole world seemingly can't intuit Levi’s craving of gentleness behind the arguably pretty convincing armor, but still. It seems like only a few souls ever think about the Levi that sits down on his bed in the evening completely depleted. You have to make it clear to yourself and him that it’s obviously a one-dimensional way of looking at Levi Ackerman and not good for him.

Which has covertly shaped how he interacts with others in return like a vicious spiral, which is why he blames solely himself for his depravation. And, how severe and untouchable the circumstances made his character. Yes, Levi despises himself for being inaccessible and unable to change it on top, added to how it happened to him over the years. 

Which he had pretty much zero influence on being basically at the gunpoint of life. It’s what you hate seeing the most and comfort him about with brewing tea. It definitely comes back tenfold, Levi won’t take it for granted when you brush out his hair and speak soothingly to him in the evening. „I don’t care, those are all reasons why you’re the apple of my eye“ seems to be what makes Levi’s heart a little mushy in particular.

He is very preoccupied with blame at the start of your relationship. Levi is torn apart by daily guilt and a constantly looming perception of failure to show an opening to his heart. He also crumbles under how the majority of people don’t take him seriously, overreact, or fear he snaps back into soldier mode — he doesn’t — when he does show affection. 

That you gaze behind his reputation and touch him without prejudice is the most important thing to him. You can ignore his mad and gloomy expression, Paradis has carved it into his face for half an eternity (the other half is for you and him when this is over). It doesn’t mean he’s angry on the inside about you. The causes for his madness are way elsewhere, knowing his early story it goes without saying. What made Levi callous and broken-hearted are things very opposite to you.

Those who only see and enjoy his fighting personality probably want him as their poster boy, people who are reflected enough to bother with the idea of a private, cuddling Levi are the only truly caring ones. Because private Levi needs that physical and emotional connection the most. Patting his cadets on their heads is only a little, albeit meaningful moment. The teacup is still half-empty regardless if you wanna think of it in those terms.

Because he can only do so much in terms of initiative — which already shocks people to the point of paralysis, which ruins the moment since he assumes it’s not appreciated then — and it’s only one-sided. Giving isn’t fully making him happy even if it’s his only option given how most people perceive him. 

The teacup only fills to the brim if Levi can let go for like half an hour getting some good ole kitty on your lap treatment. He silently lays there and enjoys your hand rubbing at the back of his neck. He looks genuinely peaceful that way. His hand palms gently at your thigh and knee, and rests there all tranquil while he ruminates about his day and how lucky he is to have you.

The whole ‚theorzing rather than going for it‘ thing stems from you listening to those people a bit too much at the beginning. Instead of asking Levi directly about touch, and to be fair: Not a single human being has done that yet, you try to figure him out at a distance. Which is also a good thing though. 

You learn about many Levi habits others would overlook, misinterpret, or don’t think have any meaning. The more you learn about him, the more understanding you become, the more protective you will be, the less he will avoid intimacy. Because Levi really doesn’t want to shy away, but often his body has too much memory in it to be instantly receptive. So it rather starts with the mind, then.

The irony is. Levi rejecting bonds with others as not to have them weigh heavy on his mind when fighting will only make it worse. You make a statement to him that if he fully immerses himself in what you have, he can fight better and actually be without those godforsaken regrets he’s always talking about. That’s why when you’re having sex, you make him look in your eyes and kiss their lids, and wrap your legs around him very firmly because Levi has to know he’s deeply yours. 

Hugs, the same thing. You squeeze the last curse out of him every time and tell him to hold you tight as well. You do have to tell him twice. Just because Levi is the strongest man in history, doesn’t mean he embraces very roughly. In fact, Levi is not used to this at all. Even more irony. Paradis’ ever-swearing, most badass titan killer with the physical excellence of a hundred acrobats can’t execute the simple act of putting his arms around you in a normal, casual way.

The why is the harder thing to talk about. Last time he got proper, truly loving hugs was way over 20 years ago. From Kuchel, during a time where he was too young to remember these things long-term. Let that sink in. It confuses him when he does it and even more so when others do. Kissing Historia’s hand even as a light official gesture was already completely unusual for him and a first time. 

Levi doesn’t go beyond what he sees others doing in that regard. No extra miles, just imitating. Now think of him with something as big a deal as embracing his lover for minutes. He lets his arms just hang there and you gotta make him learn how to intertwine fingers or how to press his palms on your back. You’re the one holding him tight there, while Levi’s mind and stare go blank, he’s even more speechless and perplexed after confronting his uncle back then.

I’m not kidding. You have to ask Levi to be forthcoming with those things as well, it simply does not occur to him, and he’s unsure about everything there is to it. What a loveless world this guy is in. If it already frustrates you to see him struggle, imagine how deprived he must be. One of his inner blocks is, Levi has major jealousy of guys who are what he thinks a better hugging height. It’s obviously the other way around to anybody who’d be in love with Levi. 

Of course he has the best hugging height by far. What’s not to like? He’s ideal. But in his perspective, imagine all these people above him wrapping around each other in moments of enthusiasm, shoulder-level on shoulder-level, or only with slight differences. And when it comes to him, it feels awkward because they feel strange bending down only for him and Armin.

And that’s probably the issue. Because it’s much better not to bend and try and intertwine, but just have Levi bury his face into your winter coat without a hassle. You don’t have to be perfectly chest to chest to make it work. Besides… romantic hugs are always a bit different. And, you invite Levi to do exactly that with you. Since Levi’s pet peeve is politeness, you’ll also have to show him the difference between mere courtesy and love, he hasn’t fully learned it either. 

But just so you know. Levi is not a naive baby or raging bull in a china shop once he has given his love to someone. He observes well, adapts well. When it’s heartfelt, when it’s the right moment, it comes out almost by surprise, he’s feeling it and he will respond to you. With serenity and intent.

If there’s someone who can be unpretentious with physicality, that’s him. He just has to transfer that to romantic gestures and Levi will be the perfect lover after some time. He’ll end up like, „Eh, so what. We do this hugging thing!“ — Hilarious. Levi, knowing his battle tactics, does have a sort of innate courage to approach bodies: This time, it’s about someone he wants to give pleasure and gratitude to, though. Which will feel very different. 

And you’re a lady he’s all whipped for, that changes everything. He might sort of try to lean at the wall next to you, to murmur about you kissing him after eating cake so he’s full of crumbs „and now I have to dust it all off again, hmph“, but he is not prepared for another kiss and you tickling him pinned against the wall (he’s not ticklish, but you still love it, and Levi has a thing for you being all over him despite his stoic face).

So yeah, Levi will be super grumpy and do the „Oi oi!“ thing, but also turn around so you won’t see the blush. Man, is he embarrassed. He will try to waddle away awkwardly to do paperwork, but no chance if you tug him back by the sleeve, dust off his shirt from crumbs, and squeeze his cheeks into a perfect Levi snoot. I’m telling you, he has a nice pouty face. 

He might assume that you’re out of your mind because nobody has done that with him yet, but once you tell him that you just wanna look at him because every day might be the last, he sees the point of your antics. Merely saying you kiss him just because won’t make sense to the captain, it’s gotta have a purpose for the future.  

So, you will tell him to always remember what your soothing lips do on him before he draws the blade tomorrow, and that he has plenty of filthy crumbs to come home to. „I think that’s right by what we’ve seen today“ is what he’ll admit, and carries you off to the bed to get grinding because all that stuff made him kinda turned on. Or rather, you grind, Levi on the other hand gets flustered. He complains about you being a tease at length since he’s having a huge she-pinned-me-to-the-wall boner. 

You sit on his face to take it even further and as his favorite treat, end of discussion, your goddess is here mister. Geez, you’ll make him a hot mess. That dick won’t go soft anytime soon. You’ll talk to him about when his face is already ruined with cake crumbs, he has nothing to lose, gotta clean up anyway. The grumbling noise from below tells you that the argument is a good one. For good measure, you palm at his trousers to see his legs react and his voice suddenly hitch. Ah, it’s a wonderful day.

Levi knows a thing or two about holding his breath correctly, but what he likes the most is that he feels perfectly sandwiched between thigh Rose and thigh Maria. Yeah, he does consider them his personal comfort walls and hopes they’ll always be there. Congruently, Levi wraps his arms around them, in fact it’s locking rather than wrapping, and you’re like I see wow he’s serious. 

On goes his tongue lapping away between your labia pretty much incessantly. The arousal is so intense, you have to breathe in yourself. Oh shit, Levi is gonna try to finish you off, shots fired. Not fast, but insisting. He does not bother with you panting pretty damn hard whatsoever. He’s calling people like that, but Levi might be the real brat all along.

Fair enough, he currently doesn’t hear anything, which he also loves the idea of. All day, people everywhere are talking nonsense, and now he gets to enjoy perfect silence. His ears are small, they’re easy to cover with thighs. He just goes on and on and gets you past lord how many brinks with a heated buildup. 

There are a lot of evil things Mister Zeke has said and committed, but by far the most offending thing he has yet insinuated is that Levi is not popular with the ladies. Blasphemy, treason, outrage, éclat, trickery, criminal offense, international slander, the most grueling case of fake news since the horse left the building, and no, Jean is not meant. With those oral skills, any lady interested in him would get a permanently bleeding nose and something else permanently wet as you can personally attest to.

If Paradis would even remotely know what he can do in bed (and they would if Connie told them, he lives next door), even more people would run down his house than they already do to get a piece of him. Jesus Christ, the Ackerstamina. But I mean. People are probably suspecting it. 

How can you not move like a god in bed if you can bend yourself into any Pythagorean shape mid-air. Him being a fighter also gives him experience with managing energy when you have sex, I’m not kidding. Levi can even handle you thrusting right back on his tongue, and even your jokes about how he’s getting the cream to his tea now.

Levi is already kind of dripping in juice. His fingers are sweaty, this time it’s something on his face and hands he prefers though. He won’t wipe it off just yet. So you take on the task to put a condom on him — kind of expensive, mysteriously imported, gotta make every one count my friend — and have Levi take you from behind to soil the bedsheets completely at this point. 

Levi lets all the leaking happen, of course he notices, and yet he’s too focused on you gripping his cock hard all the way. So much for walls. Levi has to surrender to the thought of you squeezing him in any way you fancy at this point. That doesn’t just include the face, that much he learned. His cock is gonna fall off, you tighten up so much and make him squirm, Levi’s all blissed out.

He can’t handle your ass either. He just stares like the Founding Titan invented a brand new method to hypnotize the Ackermans or something. Although. Why’d you need to come up with something, though? People they love completely enthrall them already. 

If we know something by now, it's that every Ackerman gets completely fucked in the head out of the blue and sent to another dimension when they’re with the love of their life, no hypnotizing device needed. Levi is clasping his teeth for his dear life back there. People asking him if he’s gone mad he’d answer ‚maybe‘, but if you asked him if this made him lose it he would admit it.

Since he doesn’t know what to do with his hands again, you ask him to place them at your waist. „Properly, now slide in, Levi.“ — He takes his time for the first few thrusts, grunts, but gets the hang of it, in fact he’s a pro in the making. All that vertical maneuvering can turn into horizontal maneuvering very quickly. Levi feels so strange and so good at the same time, it’s overwhelming. How can something he thought would be so dirty be this amazing? 

And since this position allows him to penetrate you even deeper, Levi gets the full experience of being inside of you times two. The wet noise already turns him on, his body feels so warmed up, and he feels really shocked he’s doing this. Although his face won’t show, it’ll be concentrated as before. On the inside, Levi is losing it.

He can’t get enough of your body and how you tell him what to do, Levi will be driving it home in no time. You’re gonna have your jaw dropped by how lusty he can get yourself, but also love how he’s really breaking a sweat just because of your hard grip. Who would have thought. 14-meter class titans got nothing on you. Levi’s entire neck and chest is glazed over. You call him out on it, all you’re gonna get is a little ‚tch, that’s your fault, woman‘. I mean of course it is. He’s literally at your mercy. I told you he’s hilarious.

Little did you know that Levi will straight-up ignore his sweatiness and just continue, one heartbeat at a time, to really fill you out and make you feel good. Can you imagine. Levi dedicating like 20 minutes to make sweet love to you doggystyle. 

He has a good feeling for keeping you just on the verge of cumming. He even reaches around to press two fingers into your clit after five minutes of figuring out his angles. You didn’t expect this at all. It’s as if Levi can read your mind going „but his hands are gonna get really messy, why?“ — he just goes on rubbing and says, deadpan: „Miss, do I look like I care.“

Some dirty things in the world are just there to annoy him. They’re not existing to make his life easier. And toilet humor-related things: We know Levi’s stance on that. Wet pussy on the other hand: Surprise. He thinks of it very differently. Levi is pretty caught off guard by the fact that you loving and adoring him is the reason you’re leaking so much. 

It sinks in (um, literally) that you’re all drippy because you really want him inside. Not to mention that he constantly realizes just how attracted to him you are. Your desire for him, that’s Ackerman kryptonite. Levi doesn’t miss your eyes, nope. That motherfucker is a damn good face reader.

And— How warmed up your body feels in his hands, how you’re breathing. How you’re telling him exactly how to tilt to hit the good spots. How you’re sucking in air when he does just that. How you sound, grip the pillow, the sheets. Your goosebumps all over your legs. How your lips part. How you wait for every thrust. The way you tell him how good it is. Your pulse. Your own sweaty back, letting his hands on your waist slip and slide a little with the rhythm. 

How he’s struggling not to moan his soul out and chokes back. How you’re softly moving to glide off, he’s gonna lose his mind. How much you’re enjoying him and how cute you tell him he is. Whatever you’d ask of him, he’s so ready to fulfill it. You having the absolute hots for Levi is probably gonna preoccupy him for the whole night while you’re sleeping and he sits in the chair.

He’s been shooting grumpy cat level eye daggers with extra Ackerpoison at the corps couples for walking around showing any signs of this. Making all those lovey-dovey faces or going to the back of the barn together. Levi has chased them with his favored broom to whoop-diddly-doop those horndog soldiers back on track, swirling his weapon of choice around to send a sweeping cloud of dust after them.

Whereas now… he has to deal with the fact that he really loves all that horny stuff. Cognitive dissonance 101 is striking him out of nowhere. I mean he’d not fuck in the barn, that one is truly disgustingly shittily bastardly filthy or however he’d word it, but you get the gist. He caught feelings and caught pleasure — and that’s such a good thing.

His problem is, Levi wouldn’t know how to fawn right back at you. Except saying „good job“ like he’d praise a cadet, but he decides that’s not something to say during sex. He’s very right about that indeed. So instead: He will always reply to you accordingly and with Levi-typical honesty. 

If you say you love how he kisses your neck from behind, he will tell you he’s enjoying it as well because damn he loves that spot indeed (titans can tell you a story about it… Levi has such a neck fixation, that fucker). And: Letting actions speak the loudest with him. He’s a practical guy. Levi’s hands can to the most complicated reverse grips and all that crazy human Beyblade shit. Getting you off at his fingertips is gonna be his easiest exercise ever once he gets into it.

He doesn’t even do it to show off at this point. Levi is just that kind of a sex machine and eager to please, not to mention god, is he obedient and a giver in disguise. If Levi were offered the most luxurious, expensive tea available versus your breasts to suck on for a week given he’s free of titan duty… that cup is gonna turn cold. He loves the skinship and he loves giving you a fuckton of orgasms, as many as you like and as many he has time for.

Self-explanatory, this is something he will not feel one bit of regret about. Hours touching you is the farthest from wasting time to Levi. The less he holds back with his love, the more secure things become. He doesn’t feel the misery he thought he’d run into, nor does it feel like a reckless act that’s only something feeble. 

The new soap every other week on his table alone reminds him you’re here to stay and like his every quirk, and make this a private thing rather than something to parade around. You never lied saying „Levi, you’re mine.“ He does wrap his head around the fact that all of this is happening with time.

Levi finds your relationship meaningful because it gives him feelings and exactly that emotional harbor he never had before, and he gifts you the reverence of your lifetime since Levi doesn’t half-ass anything. You reassured and guided him so much, he looks up to that, it breaks down his prejudice against loving more and more. That’s how you’ll feel intimate in all kinds of ways for very intense hours he can spare to make the most out of it. 

From the light touch at his arm to making out until the candles burn down. And if you tell Levi to sell the deal and dedicate his heart, how can he not take that as a serious order. He has to be guarded to put his guard down, and that’s what you can offer him, and he will create something lasting out of it. Promise is promise to him, we all know.

RELATED:  sub!levi hc (tea shop au) | life after war (levi’s happy end)

multifandom mlist | levi writings on ao3

© 2017-2021 submissive-bangtan. all rights reserved. no reposts and translations allowed.

[earlgreydream]

villain.

| draco malfoy x reader / theo nott x reader | smut | angst |

anon requested. smutty draco x y/n where they’ve been dating for months or years and draco cheated on her 

cw: infidelity, sadism, branding, non-consensual voyeurism (revenge)

a/n: this request was a lot, it was long, and it made me FEEL THINGS

The alcohol burned going down.

The bass echoed in your feet as music blared from speakers, sweaty bodies moving and grinding against one another, just mere feet away. You were disgusted by the scene before you.

Where was your lover?

“Y/N!” A drunk friend called your name.

An empty smile crossed your face. You tipped the glass back, swallowing the rest of its contents. You needed it.

“Have you seen him?” You called over the music, practically shouting in your friend’s ear.

“Seen whooo?” They giggled, fingers clutching the glittering material of your dress. It felt like nothing on your body, you felt naked.

“Draco!” You spat, shoving them off when they shook their head no.

Annoyance was all too familiar, wrapping around you like a well-known friend. Fuck.

You slithered through the party, your eyes darting everywhere, searching for a head of white-blonde hair. Your efforts proved futile.

“Are you looking for Draco?” Blaise’s dark hand caught yours, grabbing your attention.

“Yes!” Finally, some help.

“I saw him go off to his room,” he pointed to the hallway off of the common room.

Blaise’s eyes were full of terrible pity, and you felt your heart sink to the bottom of your stomach.

No.

“Can I get you a drink?” He tried to stop you.

“No, get off of me.”

You pushed your way through dancing bodies and wandering hands of drunk boys. Your heels clicked on the black marble floors of the common room, drowned out by the music.

Your mind was far disconnected from your body, and you felt like something small amongst a crowd that suffocated you. Adrenaline kicked in, and you freed yourself from the teenagers, escaping hungry grasps.

Every step you took filled you with dread. It decayed your insides, poisoning your heart and your mind and weighing your feet down. Your ears were ringing, and you could barely hear the deafening music, or your friends calling for you to rejoin them on a couch nearby. Your lungs couldn’t properly draw in oxygen, and the edges of your mind began to prickle with delirium.

You were running on adrenaline.

You practically tripped over your own feet as you tore down the hall, halting as your fingers came into contact with a wooden door. Your fist closed around an iron handle, but doubt made you hesitate.

You had an instant where you considered turning around, going back to the party and forgetting about all of this. Ignoring the whispers of gossip, and silencing the rumors, pretending like this never happened. You could leave this doorway, leave and stay blissfully unaware before it was too late.

No.

Leaders don’t doubt themselves.

You’d made it this far, there was no sense to let your bravery falter now. You gripped the handle, twisting and throwing the door open. The action happened in an instant, and all at once, you couldn’t take it back.

Reality came crashing down on you.

Every fear you had suddenly became tangible. It was very real, unfolding in front of you, and you were powerless to stop it. Every ounce of doubt vanished from your mind, replaced with horrible certainty.

Your body froze. Ice shot down your spine, and spread through your skin in gripping tendrils. The adrenaline halted suddenly, and your heart stopped racing. Your mind snapped back to consciousness. Sharp, unforgiving sanity burst through you in one horrible, violent instant.

Draco Malfoy, your boyfriend of four years, was buried deep inside the cunt of Pansy Parkinson, your roommate and best friend.

Sick, deranged laughter rose in your throat and escaped from your lips.

The party still echoed under your feet, reminding you there were so many people close by. You wondered if they knew. You decided it didn’t matter, the only people who you would’ve believed it from were in front of you, fornicating in infidelity.

“Y/N!” Your name left Pansy in a scream.

At least she seemed ashamed, hurrying to pull the sheets— your sheets— to cover her breasts. Draco didn’t even have the decency to end his rough thrusts from behind, even as one of her hands went out to swat him away.

Cold, silver eyes glared back at you.

“Are you going to leave, or do you care to stay and watch?” Draco’s tone was impatient, dismissive.

His words tasted metallic, like blood and poison.

“Do you feel guilty?”

Draco mistook your tone for amusement. You didn’t cry, and you didn’t move. You didn’t even breathe. From his point of view, you just watched the situation unfold in eerie calmness.

Most girls would have screamed. Most girls would have sobbed and begged for validation, or run away at the very least.

You were not most girls. Draco knew you were something far worse.

You were dangerous and severe.

Your eyes glittered with something dark and terrible. It sent a shudder through him, and powerful doubt ripped all of the air from his lungs.

Do you feel guilty?

“No. I grew bored with you, I don’t regret this, Pansy’s a good fuck.” Draco’s voice masked his insecurity, but you saw directly through the cracking shell, staring directly at the truth.

Your gaze locked with Pansy’s. Her fear twisted in your own stomach, igniting your nerves like electricity. Draco’s movements faltered.

A terrible stillness settled over the room. For a moment, none of you moved, the ice inside of you spreading over everything.

In slytherin, you do what is necessary.

The voice echoed in the back of your mind, grounding you in your crumbling reality.

Do what is necessary.

A malicious idea crossed your mind with a depraved smile.

“I can be redeemed of boredom,” you said simply.

Your tone unnerved Draco. The stillness and certainty was suffocating. Every lingering doubt was annihilated, along with your trust and love for Draco and Pansy.

You didn’t expect the grief to feel so relieving.

The light caught the sparkles of your dress, glittering as the thin fabric moved on your body as you walked out the door. It slammed shut behind you, sealing the room shut with its sin inside.

“What have we done?” Pansy asked Draco.

Weak girls doubted themselves.

You were many things, but never weak. Your feet carried you back to the party. It was still in full, excited swing, as if horrible sins weren’t being committed, as if trust wasn’t being desecrated.

The depraved smile remained on your face.

You were freed from doubt, they were freed from lies. It was always easier to know who your enemies were, even when they were your lovers and your friends.

The cruelty glittering in your eyes, and the sick smile on your face confirmed to everyone that you knew. Blaise wouldn’t meet your gaze. He knew, and he’d led you to them.

“How long, Zabini?”

“A couple of months.” He shifted uneasily.

Your laughter struck fear in his heart. You were quickly coming to terms with your lover’s infidelity, and it ignited something inside of you.

Wrath tasted sweet on your lips, and you breathed it into your lungs like oxygen.

Blaise expected you to be hysterical, but this was far more calculated, far more dangerous.

There was one person left who was loyal to you, and he was leaning against a marble pillar, a glass of fire whiskey at his lips.

“Theo,” you approached the brunette, greeted with a smile and a sultry gaze.

“I need you.”

“Anything,” he answered with absolute sincerity.

“Draco is unfaithful, and I want to get revenge.”

Theo’s fingers slipped in yours, and he brought your hand to his lips. His dark gaze glittered with deviance, catching you as you tumbled.

“You’ve come to the right person.”

Draco was sickened. You attended classes with him, and took your usual seat beside him to eat in the great hall. As far as he could tell, nothing had changed. Blaise, and the few others who knew about his side habit, were uneasy with your reaction. All except for Theo.

Ever since you’d began dating Draco four years ago, he’d been terribly jealous of Theo. Whenever the brunette was around, Draco was openly affectionate with you, growing possessive and territorial. He didn’t imagine it would ever be used against him, but you could turn anything into a weapon.

You weren’t one to be underestimated.

The boys talked about an upcoming quidditch match, the Slytherin team being led by Malfoy. Theo calmly discussed strategy with him, as if he hadn’t sided with you in the betrayal. Draco was too trusting of the brunette. 

Your hand slid up Draco’s back, your fingers threading in the hair at the base of his neck. He forced himself not to flinch, keeping his voice even. A hand dropped to your thigh, and you sipped the drink in front of you. Your nails were sharp on Draco’s neck, a veiled threat that made his skin crawl. 

“I want to show you just how interesting I can be,” you whispered in his ear.

His silver gaze moved to you, watching as you stood and swung your legs over the bench. You cradled his hand in your face, giving him a cold smile before pressing a bitter kiss to his mouth. 

You left the great hall, descending into Draco’s prefect dorm. Eyes trailed after you as you moved through the common room with grace. Pansy watched you disappear into his bedroom, pain spreading through her chest. 

You changed into black lace and silk, leaning on the armoire as he entered. The heavy door shut behind him, and his hands went to his tie, tearing it from his body. His silver gaze admired your body, and he began to wonder why he’d chosen Pansy over you, realizing his mistake. 

“What is this?” Draco dared to ask. 

“Boredom can be cured, Malfoy. You may be willing to toss me aside, but you know that I’m a better match for you. I’m the pureblood your parents pray ends up in your bed.” You pointed out, and he swallowed, unable to argue.

“Let me seduce you,” your hands smoothed over the clean white shirt that adorned his fair chest. 

He watched you touch him, your fingers undoing buttons and pushing the fabric off of his shoulders. He slipped out of the rest of his clothes, pulling on the tie of your robe.

You let him skim his filthy hand down your body, malice simmering inside of you. Your silk joined his clothes on the floor, and you led him to the bed, pushing him down on his back. You straddled his waist, settling down on his lap and lightly running your nails up his chest. 

You tasted poison on your tongue, and a vicious heat spread through your limbs.

Your hands slid up his arms, trapping his wrists at the headboard. Draco didn’t struggle as silk ties wrapped around his wrists, and you secured his hands to the wrought iron bars. Your sweet smile turned insidious, and icy fear paralyzed Draco. 

“Y/N-”

“Shut your fucking mouth!” You snapped, sliding off of his body like a viper. Your feet were on either side of his hips as you stood over the terrified blonde, and you considered kicking him in the ribs. He opened his mouth, but it fell shut with your dangerous look. 

You stepped off of the bed, and Draco thought you were going to leave him naked, tied to the bed. It didn’t matter, Pansy would be around in a few hours to free him. 

Draco’s fear heightened when you opened the door without dressing, his stomach dropping when another person entered the dorm. 

“Theo?” he croaked. 

His body jolted as the door slammed shut, the lock clicking in place and securing your privacy. Your venomous laughter rattled Draco’s spine, and you walked to the edge of the bed, standing before him. 

“Y/N, you need to let me go. Theo, untie me!” The panic in his voice fueled the fire of your wrath, and you smirked at how pathetic he looked. 

“I don’t need to do anything! I owe you nothing, you weak little bitch. Beg me.” 

He stared at you in disbelief, and Theo watched you. The room was buzzing with intense ferocity, your rage pouring off of you in waves and drowning everything in its path. 

You were going to get revenge, and it was going to be sweet. 

Draco’s will was strong, but it was no match for yours. Theo slid his tie off of his neck, but Draco was too focused on you to notice. You were entirely focused on emasculating Draco, determined to make him feel as pathetic and weak as you saw him. 

“Please untie me. I’ll do anything, I’ll break it off with Pansy, I’ll do whatever you want, but just untie me, please.” The desperation was clear in his voice, fear edging in his tone.

“No,” you answered coldly, and he jerked his wrists, the silk digging into his flawless skin. A frightened sigh escaped him, and he turned to Theo desperately. Theo tossed his own clothing aside, and Draco shook his head.

“No, no, Y/N, not with Theo!” Draco protested. 

You turned away from the blonde and pulled Theo against you, his tongue invading your mouth in a rough, forceful kiss. Draco yanked on the bonds, jealous fury burning through him as he watched Theo’s hands explore your body, grabbing and touching you in places that only he did. 

“You are going to lay there, helpless, weak, and pathetic. You are going to watch your best friend fuck me, and you’re going to stay tied up and powerless.”

A noise rose in Draco’s throat, and your hands gripped the sheets at the end of the mattress, bending over and facing Draco. The remaining lace was ripped from your body, and you shot Draco a sadistic smile. 

“You’re going to pay for this.”

“Open your mouth again, and I’ll force it shut.”

You stood up as Theo slammed you from behind, gripping the posts of the bed. Your fingers gripped the etched iron, and memories of having your wrists restrained on experimental nights came flooding back. 

Exhilarated screams left your lips, Theo filling in you in perfect ways, in ways Draco never could. 

“He’s so much better than you. You’ve been holding me back, Draco!”

Silver eyes were wet, delighting your cruelty. Your sharp laughter burned his ears, and his skin was raw from struggling. He watched the scene in front of him, knowing exactly how you felt, but Draco was weak enough to drown in it. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry-” he choked out as he watched Theo circle your clit in expert, practiced touches. Draco shook his head, watching his best friend, his teammate, and his partner come deep inside of you. He watched it drip down your thighs, your ecstatic, pornographic screams pounding in his head, echoing off of the walls as your own orgasm shattered through you. Theo shared your vengeful pleasure as he watched Draco fall apart. 

Your limbs were trembling as you stood up all the way, leaning back into Theo. You stared at Draco, furthering his shame and misery, twisting like a sickness in your chest. The poison of revenge was addicting, pumping through your veins like blood and filling your heart. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry, I’m so-” 

You lunged at the boy, your fingers closing around his throat, kneeling on top of him like he was your prey. 

“Draco, I will never forgive you!” you hissed venomously.

Theo was gone, leaving the two of you alone, leaving no witness to whatever crime of passion you were about to commit. The thirst for blood was thick on your tongue, the hunger for revenge making you violent. 

Draco screamed as your wand burned letters into his skin in thick, black ink. You drew back, admiring your initials that were now branded onto the inside of his hip, left by your hatred. His chest heaved as he watched you in horror, making your lips curve into a sadistic smile. 

“I own you.”

You left him restrained, knowing someone would find him eventually as the door closed behind you. Your heart was racing, all of your nerves buzzing from the adrenaline. 

Leaders don’t doubt themselves. Do what is necessary.

Pansy walked past, and you grabbed her black hair, yanking her back against the wall, pinning her to the cold stone with your own body. 

“If you ever touch what is mine again, I’ll rip every pretty hair from your head, and I will have you begging for death!” You seethed, yanking hard on her locks, tearing a terrorized whimper from her. 

“Got it?”

“Yes!” 

You threw her down and spun on your heel, leaving her shaking. Her scream echoed through the common room when she found Draco, and a sinful smirk adorned your face. 

You found you had a taste for wrath, and a talent for violence.