#these give me so much Happy Chemical omg

[spicywhenspeaking]

If I’m There Chapter: Twenty-Four

read from part one here!

summary: Noah and Natalie met in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.

this is a complete work of fiction, some characters while based on real people are totally made up. :)

Taglist: @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens@thisbicc @laurpartyprogram @concretenoah@thebadchic @madomens@samanthasgone @myownthoughts12@missduffsblog@jilliemiw86 @malerieee @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @badomenslrh @robabankfuckmickeymouse

(You're waiting for the)

Day to come when thеy will notice

(It is time to wake up now)

Fighting battlеs at your lowest

(Your fire is dying out)

Dragging every step forward

But it won't happen again

And I'm not gonna pretend

(I don't want the money)

(Want the money)

Noah sent Erin a CD with a playlist of their songs he hoped she would like. She has been blaring it loudly for days since she opened the package. She’s been listening to it nonstop and now sings along to the lyrics.

Can't say I'm mad, this is entertainment

But I want what they have and I'm gonna take it

And I'm so sorry if I'm cynical

My water's full of chemicals

I don't know what I'm made of anymore

“Sweetie! Lunch is ready!” I call out to her over the sound of the music as I place the plate I made for her, buttered noodles with grilled chicken with roasted broccoli and fresh fruit. 

Erin races down the stairs humming along to one of the songs she’s been listening to. 

“Yum! Thanks, Mom!” she says, plopping down to dig into her pasta. I sit alongside her and eat my plate. 

“So Noah said he will be back in less than a week, we will get a few days to hang out before you go to art camp,” I mention softly and she smiles brightly. “I’m excited to see him again, we should take him to the skating rink where Ashley had her birthday party, Oh! Oh! And we have to have a game night before I go to camp.” she exclaims excitedly. I laugh and nod, “Of course honey, we will have to ask him when he gets into town.” Her smile continues to grow as we talk and I am happy to see her so excited about spending more time with Noah. She talked to me after one of her last therapy sessions and the weight of guilt has lessened tremendously after our conversation. Her little heart is full of so much love. In the future, her feelings may change and she may have more questions or even anger and I am prepared to help her with those feelings when they arise. 

After lunch, I drop Erin off at Gwen’s apartment in her senior center to spend some time with her while I head to work for a few appointments I have set up. Gwen is freshly 75 and loving life in her new senior apartment complex and loves having Erin over to hang out. She welcomes us with big hugs and the smell of freshly baked cookies. “My girls, I’m so happy to see you both!” she greets us warmly. “Gweny! Omg, I have so much to talk to you about! Noah sent me some music and it’s awesome! I have to show you some.” Erin gushes to Gwen as she walks into the living room to set her backpack down. “Oh and I brought some paints so we can do some crafts, I wanted to paint the flowers you have on your balcony.” 

Gwen with her arm slung delicately around my shoulder laughs softly, “You made the sweetest girl in the world, I hope you know how much of that comes from you.”  I rest my head against hers and sigh contently. “Thank you, Gwen, I owe so much of her to you. You have helped so much when I moved and have been there for everything in her life. I’m so grateful for you.” I tell her as Erin runs around Gwens’ new apartment. “Well, I need to head out for my appointments. Hey, little one! I gotta go.” I call over to Erin and she runs to give me a quick hug before going back to explore the new space. I hug Gwen again and kiss her softly on the cheek. “I’ll be back later, maybe closer to 8:30. Thank you again, love you both!” I say to them as I walk out the front door and head back to the car. 

My appointments go by fast today, A few line work pieces and the first session of a large back piece. On my way out the door, I get a surprising phone call from Noah. 

Hey! Nat, how are you?

Hey Noah! I’m good, just finished up work for the day and I’m about to head to Gwen’s to pick up Erin. 

How was your day? Any fun ink?

Haha yes, I started on a sweet back piece that will take a few more sessions to finish.

That is awesome!

So I wanted to call and ask about something.

Oh? What’s up? Is everything okay?

yes, yes, everything is great! I just bought my ticket to Austin and wanted to see if you could grab me from the airport on Thursday?  

Oh! Of course, that’s no problem at all. 

Are you sure? I mean I could  figure out the car rental thing if that’s easier 

Oh hush Noah, it’s really not a big deal! We’d be happy to pick you up. 

Erin has been talking nonstop about you coming back to town. She’s making many plans to fit in plenty of activities before art camp next week.

Thank you Natty, I’m excited to see you both. My flight will land around 12 pm but our Airbnb won’t be ready until 4 pm. The other guys won’t be out until later next week. 

Sounds like a plan! We will scoop you up when you land and grab some lunch, Erin will be happy to hear the news.

Have a good night Natty, Lo- Bye! *click* 

“Hello? Noah? Umm okay, bye” I put my phone back in my bag, shake the weirdness off, and just get ready to head to pick up Erin and give her the exciting news. 

Gwen texted me what they decided on pizza for dinner, so I quickly run through the Dan’s Hamburgers drive-through to grab a big cheeseburger and curly fries.

Eating my dinner quickly on the road I switch on the radio and turn between channels until I find a familiar female voice. It takes me back to being a little kid in my parent’s car on a long car ride home.

“Hey there, It’s Delilah here with a collection of love songs to set your night off right. I know love comes and goes and I hope you find a love in your life that brings you the most joy and fills your heart with wonder.” 

Her soft voice drifts through my car and I settle into listening to the rest of her radio show until I get to Gwen’s. The love songs drift through the air…

So break my step

And relent

You forgave and I won't forget

Know what we've seen

And him with less

Now in some way

Shake the excess

'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you

“Okay, Delilah I get it! I’m figuring it out…just get off my back.” I grumble at the radio and switch it to the next station. 

I may not always love you

But long as there are stars above you

You never need to doubt it

I'll make you so sure about it

God only knows what I'd be without you

“Oh fuck off,” I say as I shut off the radio and complete the ride in silence. 

Erin races to the door when we get to the car, “I had so much fun with Gweny but I am sooo tired.” she slugs against the door, and when I click the unlock button she quickly climbs into the seat and reclines it back.

I laugh at her actions, shutting her eyes and curling into herself. “That’s what happens when you stay up all night listening to music silly girl.” I laugh and she groans, “I want to learn all of the lyrics so I can sing along when we go to one of Noah’s shows.” she grumbles sleepy. 

“Well they have a break coming up, so you’ll have plenty of time to learn the songs.” I tell her, “Actually, Noah called me after work. He’ll be here Thursday and asked if we could pick him up from the airport on Thursday.” She perks up immediately, springing up from her seat in excitement, “That sounds great! I’m so excited, omg what should we do? We have to show him the diner and oh oh we can take him to the water park! Or we can go rollerblading!” the sleepy child I saw minutes ago is gone and she’s awoken with a new spark.

“Okay baby, we will see what he has the energy for, remember he’s coming off of a long tour, he might just want to grab lunch and hang out at the house. But we will have lots of time to do all of the things you want to.” She’s still glowing with excitement on the drive home. My appointments tomorrow are later in the morning so when we get inside the house we sit in the living room and put on a movie. Erin decides to watch “Encanto”.  Haylie is in her room, probably working on her newest book but pokes her head out to say hi and double-check Erin is staying home tomorrow, with a nod of approval she slinks back into her room to finish writing, “Okay byee love youuu!” she calls as the door closes. 

Halfway through the movie I look over and see Erin has fallen asleep, I finish the movie wiping tears from my face. “Damn Disney movie,” I mumble. I gently move her upstairs and place her in her bed. 

When I am finished freshening up and laying my head down the last thing that goes through my head before sleep takes over. “Have a good night Natty, Love you! Bye.”

My dreams are visions of a future with Noah and Erin. We’re together laughing on the beach, building a sandcastle. I see myself pregnant with another baby, Noah’s eyes brighten up as he places a gentle hand on my stomach and kisses me. Sitting on the sand next to them my hands dig into the sand as the water washes up and the castle returns to the sea. The dream fades and twists into a new vision, Noah and I are arm and arm sitting on the couch watching a movie. The quiet domesticity makes my heart swell, the soft touches and gentle kisses. As his lips move down my neck a quiet gasp escapes me and my eyes shoot open as I vault myself up in bed breathlessly.

“Oh shit.” I say breathlessly, “Keep it together Nat.” 

By Thursday morning my nerves from my dream are taking over, I feel butterflies fluttering in my stomach as we wait in the lot for Noah to get off his flight. 

Noah: hey! I’m at pick-up stop H! 

Natalie: Okay! We will be there in a sec! :)

Erin is vibrating with excitement from the backseat and as we turn the corner and see Noah standing with his bags smiling and waving. “There is he! Pull over! Pull over!” Erin yells from behind me. “Okay okay, I have to wait for this car to pass sweetie,” I tell her as a nervous blush creeps up my neck.

I pull up to the side and pop the trunk as Erin shoots out to the car and runs to jump up and wrap her little around Noah. “Noah! You’re back! I’m so excited! What do you what do you want to do? Are you hungry? Me and my Mom like this diner they have the best pancakes!” Erin’s voice rings out and I laugh as I throw the car quickly into park to greet Noah. 

“Hey, Erin! I missed you!” he says dropping his bags on the ground to wrap his arms around her and lift her into a big hug, “lunch sounds amazing.” He turns to me placing Erin back on her feet. She attempts to grab his large duffels off the ground as I round the front of the car and the butterflies flutter again as he brings me into a firm hug. “Hey Natty,” he whispers into my hair. “Hey, Noah,” I respond into his chest. Erin struggles with the bag lifting it into the trunk. “Oh, honey -” I start but Noah quickly rushes over to help throw his bags into the back. “Thanks, little one,” he says to her and ruffles her hair. 

Noah opens the back door and lets her climb back into the car while I move to the driver’s side as a parking guard starts to look like he’s heading closer. “We’re heading out!” Noah politely waves to the guard and gets into the passenger seat. 

Throwing the car back into drive I carefully pull out. “So lunch?” I ask and Noah and Erin agree in unison. “So Erin, your mom says you have a lot of plans? What is first on the list?”

“Do you know how to rollerblade?”

next chapter ->

[featherwingfae]

So the nonhuman theme of the day that I've been seeing on the Internet seems to be self doubt both due to internal and external influences.

My response to this theme is this. You are who you are. And no one can tell you who you are but you. (The rest of the post is pretty much just this^^ in way more detail than necessary. You have been warned lol. Buckle up this is gonna be a long one. Literally took all day to write 😅)

Most of us live in a society where we've been told since infancy who we are are and what we must be, and if we don't fit in the predesignated boxes then there must be something wrong with us and we just need to be forced into a box. But just think about the vastness of life for a second. From macro to micro there's just so much to everything it's breathtaking. Everything is layered. Why should one being's existence be any different. There is what is seen and then there is everything else. Some thing's don't need to be understood by others, because they are not there for others. They are simply there. Wether we understand them or not. And that in itself (I think) is quite lovely.

I am Fae. Not just because of ______. I am Fae because it is simply what I am. It's what feels right.

It's ok to just exist. It's ok to live without ever fitting into boxes or labels. And if you find a label or box that fits you, that's ok too. It's your existence. Do what makes you happy. I've also found that sometimes, finding that feeling that you fit somewhere, comes first and the reasons why come after. Be patient. I know it's maddening sometimes when you've got a million questions bumping about in your head, or even just one or two burning ones, but life is a journey. A mystery to uncover through experiences.

I could give you a whole laundry list of reasons why I can call myself Fae. But at the end of the day, the only reason I need is that it feels right. I don't need to act like the stereotypical Fae (from folklore, media etc), I don't need to have magical experiences, I don't need memories. Keep in mind that your nonhuman identity does not need to match anyone else's.

If you're a Fae who loves technology and finds the modern age fascinating. Guess what? There's nothing wrong with that. (I LOVE Minecraft 😁 Though that may or may not have to do with the fact that I get to fly around and build whatever I want from nothing. Yes I'm obsessed with creative mode 😅 I usually get bored in survival)

If you're a Therian who's never enjoyed being on all fours or who doesn't like gear. It doesn't make you any less Therian. Do what makes you happy 😊.

If you're some ancient entity and you use an ungodly (hehe) amount of emojis and/or abbreviations (ex. Lol, omg, etc) it doesn't make you any less ancient or awesome. Do what you enjoy. You are too old to not be having as much fun as you can experience. I'm also an ancient creature, you really think I want to spend my time not doing what makes the happy chemicals 😊✨👁️🪽😁.

If you're an Alien who's not obsessed with space stuff. That's ok. Human portrayals probably don't do it justice anyway, and there's so many other things to be interested in. Like have you seen mushrooms? Those funky little guys come in so many varieties it's absolutely delightful 😊🍄✨.

If you're a vampire who can't stand the sight of blood. Don't worry about it. I can almost guarantee you're not alone (plus there's a lot of different types of vampires. If you know you are/were definitely sanguine then you're still valid 😊).

If you're fictionkin and you're absolutely nothing like your fictionkin type/character. That's ok 😊. People often change with their experiences, it doesn't make you any less yourself.

That last one applies to most nonhumans identities in general honestly 😅.

If you're an angel that doesn't/didn't have big feathery wings. You are still an angel. The universe is filled with too much color and variety for me to believe that all ______ have the same or very similar designs. I've never heard of an angel with dragonfly or beetle wings. That doesn't mean they don't exist 🙃.

You can be a plant who loves salads, a placekin who hates going outside, an objectkin that doesn't use it/it's pronouns or is super expressive, a vampire who adores sunbathing or just sunlight in general, a carnivore that doesn't like meat, an avian that's afraid of flying or heights, a demon with a heart of gold, a deity with social anxiety and/or low self esteem, an herbivore that loves going hunting, a dragon who prefers minimalism, an aquatic creature who doesn't like water, a void that's constantly overthinking, you can match all the known stereotypes for your nonhuman identity or none at all. You can have phantom shifts constantly or never get any, you can have countless identities, you can have just one, you can remember your past life/lives in detail or remember nothing at all, you can believe in past lives and souls, or not, your identity can be psychological, physical, spiritual, etc.

It's s your identity. No one else's. Just because you choose to share yourself or your identity with someone else does not mean they own you or your identity. It is, was and always shall be, yours. (Btw please please please, be careful who you share your nonhuman identity with. Not everyone is going to "get it". And not everyone is going to accept it. Stay safe, mentally, physically, emotionally etc.)

They say names have power. They also say not all things are what they seem. Whatever your nonhuman identity looks like, only you can know what it truly is. Understand that I am not saying that the appearance of one's nonhuman identity should be dismissed altogether, especially when one is still questioning. I am saying, that we shouldn't rely solely upon appearances. If your nonhuman identity fits in the category of x as far as appearances go but x just doesn't feel like it fits, then chances are, you're not x, or there's more to it than just x. I've known I was Fae since right around 2019. However I doubted myself for a long time because as far as I knew Fae were "supposed to have insect wings" and on top of having big feathery wings, I have a lot of them. In fact many of my nonhuman features could be considered angelic. However I've never felt particularly comfortable identifying as an angel. It just never felt like the right fit. It took awhile but eventually after I'd already accepted that my "angelic features" didn't make me any less Fae. I remembered why I had those features to begin with, and it all just clicked into place.

It's ok to not have all the answers or even the correct answers right away. Life is experiences. From moment to moment you are who you are. Things may change, new truths may be revealed, that doesn't make you or your identity any less real. You are whoever you are right now. Wether that is someone/something from everything you have ever been or ever shall be or just one thing right now, unconnected to anything else. You are not fake for changing. You're not fake for not changing. Most have doubts about themselves about all sorts of things. To the point where it seems like doubt is just part of the human world experience (not saying it's only a human world experience, just that everyone here seems to doubt themselves about something or other) and perhaps working through our doubts is a lesson of this place, then again maybe not 🤷. In the end what you believe is up to you😊.

Now, I'm not expecting that this single post from a total stranger will erase all your doubts. Not at all. I didn't write it to erase doubt, but rather to give it a little bit of something to fight against. To plant just one more seed in the hearts and minds of others who might need it or whom it might help in any way. This post is far from the only one out there, fighting doubt in its many forms and faces. And what I've said has already been said in many times and ways. But it's my take and not everything will click with everyone. If this post helps even just one being, then it has served it's purpose. Each and every single one or plural of us is unique in our own ways. And I truly believe that's one of the most wonderful things about life as a whole.

If you've read this far, I apologize if I got a bit carried away and made this post longer than necessary but it means a great deal to me and things that matter to me are very difficult to "sum up" 😅. And if you follow me. I warn you now that most of my posts will probably be a bit lengthy if not extremely so.

And now my dear creatures, crawlers, beasts, beauties, hellions, heavenlies (no I don't care that that's not a word it is now lol), magicals, marvels, wonders, wanderers, wildlings, winged things, whimsies, and whatsits (and everything beyond and in between) I wish upon you a most wonderful day/night. May you always know/remember that your existence makes the world a more magical place. 🌍✨ (And in my opinion we could use all the magic we can get 😊)

👁️🪽✨🍄🍀🪻🌱🥀❄️🌟✨

Till next time.

[heartsforkento]

omg i'm so happy to find someone else shifting to jjk! what are some of your relationship dynamics??

hey! that's so cool! we jjk shifters are not rare i think people just don't want to say that lmao

anyway my relationship dynamics: (i hope this is what you meant, if it's not then i'll gladly make another post)

i'm shifting to the hidden inventory arc btw, but i'll still write about other characters!

kento: loml, boyfriend, husband whatever! he's an absolute sweetheart i am in love with him (like literally, i get heart eyes when i think about him). i feel like afterwards maybe i'll get married to him and we'll most likely adopt yuuji. guys he's such a sweetheart omg. i love love lovee this man. we do not have the same music tastes lol, like he listens to my chemical romance and i listen to kpop, but we share songs for each other to listen to. we also have little cuddling sessions asw. like he's not into pda, but at home, he makes sure i know that he loves me so fucking much <3

satoru: i actually have not decided on this because idk if i want a poly w him or not, but if we weren't dating, he would be my bestbestfriend. we share the same music tastes and stuff and he opens up to me about what he feels (i force him to). and we have little therapy sessions and shit. he's into space science and astronomy so i have a telescope in my room and he just comes and we look at the night sky and shit

suguru: best friends. i bring him out with me if i'm going anywhere. i think he genuinely enjoys hanging out w me and we usually go out for food (mostly spicy food and we don't bring satoru because he does not like spicy food.) oh btw i scripted he don't turn evil. also i scripted i can ride motorbikes, so i take him out with me and we just go to random places at night.

shoko: along with utahime, we are best friends. i feel like we are super close when it comes to some little things, like idk how to say it help but i share stuff with them i can't tell the boys + shoko knows a lot more about my life and backstory than the boys do. we go out a lot, be it clubs, parties or shopping. i love my wife bro :(

utahime: best friends. she is so cute bro and she's always checking up on me (i'll cry). me being a foreigner, i won't grasp everything so she tries to make sure i understand and she makes sure that i don't feel left out in any way. i love my other wife bro :(

haibara: my younger brother (not actually). he's such a cutie oml and i always make sure that he's learning well and i teach him sometimes also. we go on little ice cream dates, sometimes w satoru, sometimes w/out because satoru can be a handful. we go out for movies a lot, i feel like he's into a lot of romance movies (the notebook). we had a whole ass crying session after watching it. also he's such a good listener, when i want to vent, he's always listening

now as for yuuji, megumi and nobara, we'll be meeting like after a long time but i'll still write about them

yuuji: my son. i'll adopt him definitely and honestly i don't think we have any other relationship dynamic apart from mother and son. i'll always be looking out for him and he'll call me everyday, just to talk about anything

megumi: i think like yuuji, i would be a maternal figure to him? i feel like he could act pretty nonchalant lol, but still care for me and others.

nobara: i think i would once again be a maternal figure and i think we would really enjoy going out for shopping, talking about fashion and make-up and me giving relationship advice, i think it would be cute

but anyway that's it hehe, i'm honestly so confused as to what i should script for toji and mamaguro but like i'll figure it out yeah

i hope this gave y'all some motivation lol, you all take care and happy shifting okay?

[catihere]

5, 7 and 15. Ethan Nakamura.

OMG ETHAN MY BABY <3 I literally love him with all my heart, thank you so much for this ask

5- First song that comes to mind when I think about him… “Body” by Mother Mother. There’s no deep reason for it, just listen to the song and it’ll be obvious XD

7- I absolutely love every headcanon people have about him, but what’s really special to me is the relationships he’s given to other TA demigods. Alabaster, Chris, you name it. It’s amazing what beautiful and complex dynamics can people make with so little canon information.

15- My favorite ship for him? Well, this is a bit awkward. I headcanon Ethan as somewhere on both the aromantic and asexual spectrums, so I’m not especially keen on Ethan ships, but if I had to pick one, it’d definitely be Ethabaster. With Percethan as a close second! I love all the amazing fanworks for these ships, they make my brain give me those happy chemicals :3

[angelmichelangelo]

wanted to just ramble on about bayverse 2: electric boogaloo for a minute because it actually has a pretty good plot (buried under some questionable directing and writing) that i don’t think we often get much of in terms of tmnt plot.

and that’s the whole purple ooze situation they’ve got going on. donnie discovers this chemical that could, in theory, turn them human. donnie shows this off to leo with upmost enthusiasm that he’s just gonna be like “omg yes gather everyone rn and inject that shit into me YESTERDAY” because.. yknow. they’re mutants. they live in a sewer. away from society. this is their big chance to get away from all of that and live an actual “normal” life.

but leo is very quickly against that. he’s dismissive (because bayverse leo is moody dialled to eleven) and as soon as he’s aware of what donnie has here, he almost instantly instructs him to keep this a secret from raph and mikey. because he knows the ramifications of them finding out about this.

and of course mikey and raph find out and are understandably pissed (the scene where raph really strongly sticks up for mike fighting for his right to have a vote really strikes me - it’s almost like he actually cares more about it being held a secret from mikey than it is from him and that highlights how much he knows it means to his little brother. raph is a good egg) and then for a good chunk of the movie we have leo + donnie and mikey + raph kinda just.. doing their own thing.

and usually tmnt will give us the traditional A Team vs B Team which consists of leo + raph (usually for the whole bickering/arguing/coming together tie in) and then mikey and donnie just doing whatever. (not saying that sometimes they feel like props but. sometimes they do feel like props)

but i think the movie actually benefitted from splitting the team up differently here. we get a whole other dynamic that we’d usually see in perhaps a handful of episodes in some of the shows (my mind goes back to the leatherhead ep from 2k12 when we get a leo + raph + donnie team up mission without mikey and donnie is therefore instantly reduced to the little brother of the group and i LOVED that. i wish we got more of that because that particular dynamic was really fun to watch)

and this switch up especially makes a difference for poor donnie who wasn’t really totally on leo’s side, mostly because he too wanted to use the ooze, but kinda just got roped into being on his side without really a choice kinda like he’s the unfortunate child of divorce caught in the crossfire lol

but it’s also interesting that raph would have wanted to make the change when presented with the opportunity. in other iterations, it’s heavily implied that he’s somewhat content with the life he has. he enjoys his undercover lifestyle and he’s not really fond of humans in the same with his brothers are. (cue 2k12 raph scoffing “ugh. humans are so annoying” like he doesn’t have 2 that’re his friends lol)

but mike and don? fascinated by the human world. they crave a reality where they can just walk about amongst humans and live like them. even in the idw power rangers crossover issue where they use clocking broaches, it’s leo and raph who are somewhat anxious about the whole thing where mikey and don are instant game.

so to have raph part of this as well as the other two is really interesting. and whether that was just included in the plot to give him some reason to be fighting against leo, that’s neither here nor there. raph wants that too, for himself and for his brothers too. i think that if mikey and donnie weren’t on board with it, raph wouldn’t be either. he’d go along with being human if it meant making his little brothers happy — if it meant living a better life with them instead of being stuck underground without them. whereas it’s just leo who is reluctant. whether it’s a fear or the unknown or change or whether he’s just so okay with where his is.. he’s the only one that doesn’t think it’s a good idea. and as a result, he takes away the others choice which of course kicks off that whole plot line.

and it looks like mutant mayhem will touch upon this (this time it looks like all of them want in on being part of the human world) and i think that it’s just a really interesting plot point part of the tmnt franchise. being mutants and living in a sewer is all they know, but catching glimpses of a life they could have but can’t have? especially at an age where you’re trying to discover yourself and find who you are? i just hope this new movie pulls it off well if not as well as i think the bayverse movies touched upon it.

[aealzx]

Omigosh ! Shame on me, I've only just noticed that you've done a written version of your comic. Or, at least, extra scenes and the sequel after Donnie becomes himself again.

I've read the first two parts with Raph looking after the recovering Donnie. How can I express my appreciation and admiration for your work? Your drawing style is amazing but your writing style is so descriptive and emotional. I can feel the brotherly love between the turtles, Splinter's love for his children.

You're doing an incredible job, I just had to tell you that.

I hope we get to see more of Disaster Twins after Better Genes.

Oh by the way, what's the reason for the title? Really curious about that.

And that's all I wanted to tell you. I also hope you are doing well !

Take care of yourself 💕✨

Ahhhhhhh no shame no shame XDDD That first post isn’t even like a week old, it’s no big deal at all. You’re totally fine.

Awwwww I’m so glad you enjoy it XDD Honestly comments are enough for me. My receiving love language is totally words of affirmation, so really, just comments pointing out one thing you liked is enough to give me a hit of happy chemicals for a whole hour or more XDD So euguuuuhhh ;V; Thank youuuuuuu omg, I’ve never really had my writing being complimented so much and have always felt like it was rather…scattered and subpar compared to “the good stuff” that makes people notice. So having it pointed out just TVT thank youuuuu. I’m glad the emotions bleed out well enough.

Thank you againnnn

Leo and Donnie being twins is one of my favorite fan headcanons I’ve adopted and looove to play with. But I also just love the dynamics between the entire family, so I end up bouncing around and none of the dous grab my attention permanently. That being said, I do have another Leo and Donnie section planned, as well as Raph and Mikey, Donnie and Mikey, and Carol in there too. XDD

As for the title XDD huuuu that’s a bit hard to explain. Mostly Better Genes is because the concept of double mutated Donnie was ripped from three TMNT 2003 episodes titled “Adventures in Turtle Sitting”, and “Good Genes” part 1 and 2. So I wanted people to know that I was referencing to those episodes, but didn’t want to have my stuff come up when searching those episodes. So I switched Good for Better XDD

But, I also went with Better Genes because it’s a more buried part of the story bit. The rottmnt boys were planned mutants, so it makes sense that they would be designed to have various ehhhhh plus points or whatever you call them. Enhanced strength, speed, etc. One of those that made sense to me was Draxum not wanting people to mess with his design, so I had the thought that Draxum made it so the boys’ genetics couldn’t be tampered with because their own genes would fight off anything that wasn’t part of the original design. 

These two sections kind of touch on that idea:

The reason Donnie was able to create a cure on his own within the vague time limit is because he wasn’t creating something brand new from scratch. His own immune system was trying to fight off the mutagen, it just was being overwhelmed. So he just isolated his own antibodies, and made more of them. And after that his own immune system was able to beat the mutagen, so he’s the one with the better genes X’D

Hope that made sense |D

Thanks again for the note 8DDDD I’m doing great, just eternally tired like everyone else. X’DD

Take care too~ Get yourself a treat if you want.

[blazingstaro]

Hi hello! General update on me and why I've been like vacant until recently

TW: medical/surgery/infection mentioned

It's been a long series of freakin' "why me"

So for the past month as of this following Monday, I've dealt with a stubborn infection on my right big toe. One itty bitty spot along the cuticle, all puffy and angry. Very tender. I have no idea what caused it, as I discovered it shortly after taking a shower.

After a week, I managed to get the inflammation down, but boy it was clearly infected. I tried my best to disinfect it with what little I had, but I may have unintentionally chemically burned my skin

My skin is quite sensitive to chemicals, but I thought that rubbing alcohol wouldn't bother it much. Either way, the infection was in a precarious spot and proved difficult to just get the goods into with the nail in the way.

A very not so great condition nail by the way. Probably what ultimately led to its infection.

This past Monday, I had to get the toenail surgically removed. Luckily for me, it was pretty much ready to go and just needed a little help. That thing was preventing my infection from fully healing. I'm glad it's gone, since it was damaged like 6 years ago and didn't grow back right. This was inevitable. I've been liberated

One funny thing is that the doctor was kinda excited to pluck it off omg. I was the second one that day she had to do this for, and she seemed STOKED. My case wasn't the worse she had seen either. That was a relief LOL

Doctors and their quirks, gotta love 'em

She was very sweet and genuine with me, so good times! 10/10 would love her care again. I was in great hands!

But the pain didn't stop there

Oh no

Then. The gauze got stuck. For 3. Whole. Days. It was an antibiotic gauze, but it didn't need to be there that long. I just got it off last night with incredible, indescribable amounts of pain and suffering with hot water, soap, and the will of GOD

However. The nightmare doesn't end there

Here's the thing. I live in the USA.

I'm unemployed.

And don't have insurance.

Now I have the doom of my impending, brand new ✨ medical debt✨. I don't even know how much it's doing to be. I fear it'll be absurd. I had numbing shots, a douse of saline water, and a little elbow grease. That was my treatment. Hoping and praying that Medicaid accepts my recent application so I don't have to pay anything. Thank god antibiotics and ibuprofen are cheap, and my pharmacy gives discounts to those without insurance. There is kindness in the eaves of this dumpster fire of a country

It cost $221 USD just to be seen. Right up and front.

So if all things go to against my favor, I'll have to open emergency commissions and/or donations because dear god it costs an arm and a leg to just exist here. I'll be sure to provide a follow up post on when I hear back from folks. Right now I'm in a place of anticipation and occasional physical suffering

I'll live. The pain is temporary, and better than having it long term

So August kinda sucked for lil' ol' me, and I'm still dealing with pain because of, well, fresh surgical wound on my still quite angry toe. Now it's angrier, but it'll heal thankfully. Hopefully. It doesn't look too happy, but I've got antibiotics up the nine and now I have full access to the whole thing with the gauze out of the way. And I can add my own healing ointment that was helping the skin heal prior to my toenail getting harvested

Though this has definitely put a cold hard stop to my page production and I'm running low on stock, so I'm gonna try my best these following weeks to hustle while nursing this wound

Welp that's all about my personal life situation

Love you guys! Stay healthy! 💜 AND DRINK WATER!

[bellysoupset]

SOUP!!!!!!!

oh my goodness this halloween saga is INSANEEEE AND I LOVE IT SO SO SO MUCH AGHHHH😭 i’ve had one of the worst weeks ever and i seriously think that reading this saga was one of the main reasons i made it thru LMAOooo

PLS THE ANGST WAS SPECTACULAR I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW MUCH I LOVED THESE FICS. everything with vin and luke was fucking adorable I LOVE THESE BOYS and their friendship so freaking much <3 then bella with jon RAH CHEFS KISS BC??? i LOVE that she was all calm and nonchalant and caring but also super chill about it while jon was kinda dying on the inside bc he wasnt being a “gentleman”, but at the same they both stayed playful and silly <333 and THEN MY BABY GIRL MY QUEEN GETTING ROOFIED????????? EXCUSE YOU BC HOW THE HECK DID YOU MANAGE TO EXCEED MY EXPECTATIONS????? like i really cannot tell you how excited i was about this and i wasnt sure how you were gonna approach the whole getting roofied thing but i fully trusted that you’d deliver the angst, AND oh my DID YOU‼️‼️‼️‼️

leo being so protective and worried about her???? both him and bella getting ARRESTED protecting her??????? AND JON’S PANIC GOSHHHHH IT WAS EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED TO READ‼️‼️‼️ the lack of sympathy sickness with someone other than leo??????? THE REASSURANCE WHEN SHE WAKES UP AND THE HURT AND HELPLESSNESS WHEN SHES SO OUT OF IT AND HE CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT????? THE WORRY AT THE HOSPITAL AND OMFG MY BABY VIN ALL PANICKED AND WORRIED AND BLAMING HIMSELF I CANT BREATHEEEEE 😭😭 and the arrest not being enough for him OOF I CANT DO THIS OMG THIS WAS SO FUCKING GOOD I LOVE YOUR OCs SO FUCKING MUCH SOUP😭😭😭😭😭

AND THE BELLA FIC HOLY MOLYYYYYYY😩😩😩 when i thought it couldnt get better and/or more angsty IT FUCKING DID and i enjoyed every minute of it AHHHHH🫶🏽 leo all worried and side eyeing her as he noticed something wasnt right and then giving her his jacket 😭😭😭 and then the whole conversation with luke where shes so out of it and OH MY GOODNESS WHEN SHE SPEAKS SPANISH WITHOUT REALISING IT‼️‼️‼️ THE WAY YOU INCORPORATED THAT WAS SO REALISTIC AND INSANE AND AMAZING AND TERRIFYING AND THEN SHE JUST PASSES OUT?????? HELLO I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO MY GIRL AHHHH THIS WHOLE SAGA WAS CRAZY GOOD IM OBSESSED.

for real thank you so much for writing this and thus making my shitty week a lot less shitty❤️‍🩹 bc i swear that reading these restored the very much needed happy chemicals in my brain when nothing else could 😭🫶🏽

side note the whole ✨unknowingly speaking spanish✨ situation is so insane and important to me bc, as an international college student in the U.S. who plays a contact sport where it’s common to get concussions, this is LITERALLY ONE OF MY BIGGEST FEARS and OMFG you described the panic and confusion and fear (and just this whole situation im terrified of) SO fucking well AGHHHHH i know i say it all the time but YOU’RE SO FREAKING TALENTED DUDE PLS NEVER STOP WRITING 😩🫶🏽

- 🦦

Otter!! Hi!!

I adore your wall of texts sooo much!

I'm so sorry you had a crappy week Otter 🥺 I hope it's better now or at least that it's gonna start looking up soon!

It's funny you mentioned the unknowingly speaking spanish thing, because I do that all the damn time. English is not my first language but daily I find myself switching to english and then just being?? So confused when the people around me are not understanding.

End of the day, don't freak out if that does happen to you. Gestures is an universal language. You've got my whole heart as another bilingual person in the interwebs.

[deepspacedukat]

hey there, i'm a 'long time listener, first time caller' just wanting to send some love and appreciation your way. i really enjoy reading your fics and look forward to all your updates! you sure know how to set a proper thirst trap <3

you actually gave me the kick i needed to binge babylon 5 because it was on my radar for some time. i had just finished ds9 a while back (not my first watch), and i was still jones-ing for some sci-fi. you made some posts about the show and the rest is history lol

after finishing the series a couple of weeks ago, my 'b5 blorbos' are bester, neroon, and g'kar. i have some very specific scenarios that currently play in my head that i'd love for someone as skilled as you to put out into the world. i can't wait until you open fic requests again! ;)

but in the meantime, i'm thoroughly enjoying all the other fics in your impressive catalogue. i came for the garak/reader stories (no pun intended!), but i stayed for the likes of koval, letant, vreenak, solok, vorik, and dukat.

again, kudos on continuing to post these fics, they're really well-written. some explicit material can be very tiresome and/or juvenile, but it's clear you have quality writing experience to back you up, and you have great instincts as to what works and what doesn't. keep up the fantastic work! <3

Aww, thank you so much!!! I'm so glad you like my stories! I'm just gonna come out and say it: I've been hoarding this ask in my inbox and re-reading it every time I needed a pick-me-up, so uh...I apologize for being so late to respond. This ask has just been giving me the very good brain chemicals. 😅

First off, thank you so so much for your kind words and for taking the time to jump into my ask box to say something about it! I really do appreciate your support! 💖

Second, omg you are (I think) the third person I have managed to convince that Babylon 5 is worth a watch! I'm so honored that I was able to give you the lil push you needed to finally try it out. (I'm still on Season 3, because I've been trying to savor new shows instead of unhealthily binging things to the point of sleep deprivation like I've done in the past lol.) I'm so glad you enjoyed the show and have new blorbos!! Bester is very intriguing to me. Neroon is Very Yes™. And G'Kar...OMG G'KAR. 😍 He's my main B5 blorbo, if I'm gonna be completely honest and truthful about the situation. (Hence the lorge, semi-elaborate fic that "Who Reads The Mind-Reader?" is about to become once the SoC challenge is over. 🙈) Andreas Katsulas did such an amazing job in that role that it's almost impossible not to like G'Kar.

As for my requests, when I do eventually re-open them, I will for sure be adding characters from B5 to my list of people I'm willing to write for, so I'm totally open to writing those for you! I'm so glad that you've been enjoying my other fics in the meantime! I've had a lot of fun writing all of them, so I'm always glad to hear that people are still enjoying them!

Thank you again for your super sweet words, my friend! 💖 I may not have any professional writing experience under my belt (yet), but I do have a couple of actual novels I'm working on, so at some point in the future when I've figured out the whole process of becoming a published author, that will hopefully change! Until then, I hope you continue to enjoy my humble little fanfics! 🙏💖 Happy reading!! Feel free to drop by any time!

[kitkatwinchester]

OMG THOSE BASICALLY-COUPLE SCENES WERE SO CUTE!!

And they were so fitting for their various personalities.

Like, Kira and Scott are so adorably awkward with each other (Kira's dad is also an A++ parent, for the record), but also so sweet and understanding with each other.

The way she helped him with the chopsticks. And he was so awkward with them, and she was so hesitant to put her hand on his, but then once they were touching and working together it worked so well and he did it (well, sort of lol. That said, that girl's reflexes, holy sh*t.)

And then the way she fed it to him and her little smile and his little smile.

And then Scott with the wasabi OMG you poor baby. XD

"Scott what happened to your wasabi?" "*slowly dying* I thought it was guacamole."

THAT IS SUCH A COMMON MISTAKE IN MEDIA AND IT WILL NEVER NOT BE FUNNY! XD

Ahhhhh, they're just so cute and so awkward and so wholesome and so soft and I love it and I SHIP THEM SO HARD! SCIRA FOR THE WIN! <3

And then STYDIA!!! AHHHH I LOVE THOSE TWO SO MUCH!!!

The way Lydia just started slowly breaking down because she doesn't trust herself or her abilities and she genuinely felt so bad for getting Stiles in trouble because she feels like it was for no reason.

But then the way Stiles was so quick to tell her that she's definitely right, and she's always been right, and that he would never blame her and never doubt her because he will always trust her and always have her back.

And the symbolism in her wrapping her finger up in the red string, because she's an unsolved mystery, and Stiles just reaching over and unwrapping it, because as far as he's concerned, there's nothing to solve about her, because she's perfect exactly the way she is.

And then the fact that what she said was able to give Stiles the idea about the chemicals at the school, and then Lydia knowing the chemical symbols helping them put together the pieces of who Barrow's going after.

They're just both so smart and so easily guilt-ridden, but as a result, they understand each other so well, and they love and support and care about each other so much, and they're seriously the best power couple on this show and I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH WOULD YOU TWO JUST START DATING ALREADY PLEASE?! <3 <3 <3 <3

And then Allison and Isaac oh my god. XD XD

The sass and the smirking and the badassery.

The fact that Allison electrified the windows and very intentionally neglected to mention it.

The way the two of them tease each other, but also look at each other with so much love and affection.

The way they both clearly care about each other, but both tend to hide their emotions and keep their distance because their trauma plagues them too much.

I mean, I loved Scott and Allison. I did. But honestly, the more I see it, the more I feel like Allison and Isaac were just made for each other. Like, those two are truly meant to be.

Their personalities just mesh so much better. Their respective sassiness and bad boy/bad girl energy and "touch me and I'll kill you" vibe just blend so well and I love them so much. <3 <3 <3

Ahhhh I love my little couples. Please make them all go canon. Please please please???

(I mean LOOK AT THEM! How can you not love these couples?? <3 < <3)

UPDATE: WE NEED MORE GIFS!! ALLISAAC ALMOST KISSED!! FOLLOWED BY WHAT WAS BOUND TO BE A MAKE-OUT SESSION! (The way Isaac tried to pretend he wasn't gonna kiss her, and then the way Allison got all mad when she clearly wanted to kiss him as badly as he wanted to kiss her THEY WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER GOSH DARNAT!) BUT INTERRUPTED BY... "Another werewolf?!" Poor Isaac OMG. The way Chris said "where I keep my guns". XD Just let them be happy, Chris. They love each other, okay? (That said...I do see where he's coming from. Anyways.) SCIRA ATE PIZZA TOGETHER!! All cute and sweet and the whole "no offense to sushi" and then "yeah we probably should've started you on California rolls" and just their general adorableness. AND THEN THEY WERE ALL FLIRTY!!! With the "you seem like a really nice guy" and Scott's little smile with the "what else did I do?" "You remembered my name." <3 <3 And then they got f*cking interrupted by f*cking Barrow so, like, that's f*cking great, thanks for that. I'm worried as all heck, but I have faith that they're gonna save her because THEY WOULDN'T DO ME DIRTY LIKE THAT WOULD THEY?! ...would they? :( :( :( :( Anyways. Cheering myself up. I don't really have any major cute updates of Stydia but I'll attach a new gif because apparently they basically held hands earlier in the episode and I missed it??? <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[rantsandeepthoughts]

This thing called - Intimacy

Let's just rate this post M-18 for whoever is reading this yeah. lol.

who is reading this? The FBI agent stalking me? Hi FBI agent, why did you not rescue me from the abusive household I grew up in? I'd like to meet and have a word with you.

I was thinking about physical intimacy. Sex. Making babies. whatever you call it.

it's a big deal ; like -

there's a whole sex industry surrounding it.

religion tries to govern it

the world's population is based on it

gender roles are very much effected by it, significantly

then there's stuff to do with hormones and they say that orgasms are like ecstasy. btw i googled this, apparently an orgasm gives you the same high as a shot of morphine or something. chemical structure of it and what not.

Basically - A LOT is surrounding this one thing. Orgasms. Which is well, the whole climatic point of sex, physical intimacy, etc.

But did you know that - to achieve an orgasm, like from start to finish. It just takes about like 15 minutes or less. It's a hell lot shorter if you're just masturbating to scratch that horny itch. Apparently guys shoot off in a few minutes, like literally, less than 5 minutes. Ladies take longer to reach their peak, around 10 minutes.

so let's say a married couple, one of them is horny (usually the guy, studies say), they go bang bang and it's done 5 minutes tops. If the guy is an ass who doesn't care if their girl gets to peak. Then the poor girl is left to deal with the mess he made in her.

which. btw. CLEAN UP, can take just as long if not longer (like if you're the type that need to go shower or what). the clean up alone, is longer than the 'sex + orgasm' part.

so. I was thinking. What. The. Fuck. Is the bloody big deal about it?

Yeah, sure, orgasms are great. we get legal morphine.

but in an unfulfilling relationship where the people involved are just using each other as religion-sanctified masturbatory tools or mere warm bodies and living blow-up sex dolls. then. what the fuck is it all for then? it just hit me- omg, THIS IS WHY people CHEAT. because sex is just, 15 minutes of your day. you get your morphine quick fix, then you're left wanting, you're left in withdrawal, you're left craving for more endorphins - that you're not gonna get, unless you're in a happy fulfilling relationship. which many people aren't.

so many relationships are unhappy. because the people involved are idiots who don't believe mental health is a thing. so they don't talk about their feeelliiinnggss and all the other things they need to talk about like - 'husband, you stuck your dick in me three times this week but i aint get no orgasm yet and im upset and angry coz all it did was get you off while my cunt is hurting and im tired of cleaning up the mess you left inside of me'.

side note: you can get endorphins from being happy btw. or other 'pleasure' related activities like exercise, getting a massage, eating good food. happy place and all that. there's more, go google it. or click here .

where was i... getting back to my point. which is. yes.

the having sex part, or masturbating. it's just a brief part of life. yeah you get your endorphin fix. but you can also get your endorphin fix, elsewhere. things like exercise, has a longer-time production and release of endorphins - i think (i didn't google this). but just think about it.

you can eat your favourite, or delicious food, every day. 3 times a day. that's gonna give you an endorphin fix. or you could exercise everyday. same thing. you cannot have sex or masturbate everyday - maybe you could, if you were a porn star or something - maybe guys do. ok i just googled, apparently it's okay physically, but it may cause mental and psychological problems in the long run if you masturbate daily. which supports my point of - sex alone ain't cutting it.

There's more to life, happiness and getting your endorphin rush in a whole variety of different ways - that does not involve having an orgasm.

so why the fuck has the world gotten so focused on it?

why do so many religions try to govern it?

this may sound skeptic or something, but, it kinda feels that society, the world, religions, they just want to control the human body.

i totally agree that some aspects of control is necessary for law and order and peace or whatever else they're calling it now. but control and specific types of manipulations of human bodies. that's a no from me.

the sex industry has abused, manipulated and profited primarily from the exploitation of female bodies. sure, they say 'things are getting better', but it's kinda the same tone of 'men and women are getting equal pay' when we all know in the grand scale of things. that's all still bullshit. women are at a disadvantage and still will be because with every step gained, there's a landslide pushing you back. it feels like it.

then in religion. and the whole blah blah blah about virginity - how virginity is "tested or proved" only on the woman's side of things. because, hymen or whatever. but really, also bullshit. back in the day i can sorta understand why people thought this was important. else, how we gonna know who the baby father is right. and men were soooo obsessed with their lineage and their blood line and heirs for their family. - insert eye roll pls -

again in religion - there are many who disapprove of masturbation. say it's a sin. that the only orgasms you will ever get in life is the one you get out of your legally wedded spouse. else you'll burn in hell for all eternity... very... drastic... huh...

makes me wonder, if all this governance of who and how exactly you are 'allowed' to spill your seed, and since back in the day women knew little about their rights, so religion had always expounded on the greatness of a mother and blah blah blah - this all feels, as if, it is devised in a way to ensure population growth.

which you know, with all the wars and out break of disease back in the day. people needed their people to be giving birth a lot. else, their entire town could go extinct. and lord forbid their bloodline die out. i dunno why they were obsessed with that. like what's the big deal honestly? so what if you're the child of so and so and so who was a duke or a sultan or a putri once upon a time.

like WHO THE FUCK CARES in this economy? where we are struggling to even feed ourselves and put a roof over our heads, where we know we're gonna be working well into our 70s maybe.

well. most of us. the average and below average 'working class'. guess those people sitting on their nice cushy seats behind their manicured lawns and Pickett fences that is the size and cost of another family's entire generation's nett worth and welfare housing. u get what i mean.

so yeah.

i don't get it.

and for the record. I am not gonna get married, unless the person i meet, checks of a whole lot of ticks of my criteria list. i don't care if those-who-cannot-be-named curse and swear and call me bad things. they have after all said to my face that im picky. that i can't be like that, otherwise i will be an old hag. that I'll be alone. yes. i am comfortable being alone. being alone is not lonely if you don't isolate and alienate yourself.

i got friends damnit. and worse comes to worse, i know how to make new friends. i go out into the community - more than you gossiping little shits.

don't know if i got everything off my chest. but yeah, this deep thought rant has gone on for long enough. I'm gonna close this post.

end note. Orgasms are great. But seriously, DONT get married just coz you want someone else to scratch your horny itch. you'll regret it.

[mandalhoerian]

Shai i'm in the middle of zoom meeting and i'm SCREAMING OHMYGOD okay okay.... first of all, how you write so good? Like, vera's breakdown is so real, the way she was so mad and so frustrated and so scared of losing marvin i- 😭 THAT WOMAN BEEN THROUGH HELL SHAI WHY YOU KEEP HURTING HER 😭 but that's okay i guess, vera did say trauma make you cooler ;) ALSO MY BABY LEON god he was so kind hearted, the way he's trying to calm vera without invalidating (? God english is so hard) her pain?? I'M TRYING NOT TO CRY😭 like he was so caring to everyone, he just wanna help and i'm not ready for all the trauma you're going to give him 😭 AND CLAIRE REDFIELD PROVING HERSELF TO BE THE COOLEST BADASS THAT SHE IS i love how she's the one who call vera on her stubborness YOU GO QUEEN and she's gonna thirdweel these two couple who's oblivious towards one another feeling and i can't wait for vera and leon pining one another while claire just "😑"

And chief irons is a piece of shit i hope he die like he did in the game OR WORSE!

Anywayyy, thank you for the newest chapter shai i really enjoyed it, take your time to rest and eat, and have fun, you know, before giving vera hell heheheh

sincerely, ada's babygirl (i love the nickname! damn right i'm her babygirl!)

ADA’S BABYGIRL!??!!! 😫😭

Oh my god i’ve read this review (THIS IS A WHOLE COMMENT AT THIS POINT!!!) like twenty times today im FREAKING OUT — thank you sm HELP IM SO HAPPY!!!! 💓💓💞💓💓💖💗💓💘💕😭😭😭😭😭 Thank you for taking the time to send asks you have no idea how much it means to me! you’re singlehandedly providing me with the chemical x of inspiration and motivation to power through this fic omg im on the floor 💓💓

SPOILERS FOR NTTD PEOPLE!!!

Not gonna lie this chapter was so unfair to vera, she had a mental breakdown, literally immediately later she got barbie-doll played by william birkin and nearly got her head popped like a pimple, almost went into hypoglycemia coma, and thinks irons shot leon dead — like MAN i did NOT give her a break huh... damn . 😬

BUT AT LEAST ITS KINDA HURT/COMFORT !!! I really put legitimate effort into Leon being so careful with Vera after the Marvin reveal, he tried his hardest to approach a grieving person & at the same time, keep her going to survive, his drive to help is strong despite being shaken by not being able to save Marvin in the end and I wanted to do good by his character — I’m so happy you seem to like the direction!! I wanted to give Vera and Leon some platonic kind of bonding, from one human to another, outside of romantic framing bc it would be icky in this situation, I hope I was able to nail it 😭

And also Claire AHAHAH she’s already picking up on the ~vibes~ between leon and vera but isnt able to fully go into teasing mode because it isnt appropriate (vera’s dad is turning into a zombie ☹️) but the thirdwheeling is subtly there in the background !!

About Irons... He’s a big part of Vera’s childhood, he’ll be dealt with accordingly, you can look forward to it!!

Again, thank you so much for the encouragment and the kind words, you’re awesome!! 😭💕 You’re carrying me through this fic, for real!!!!

[eriellesudario]

The creation of the Shady Song

On November 5, 2019, The Shady Song has finally hit 1000 overall plays on Spotify! As of writing this, it’s currently sitting on 1249. I have no idea why people enjoyed this song so much but I’m glad they did.

And as a special thank you, I’d like to share some behind-the-scenes about the creation of the Shady Song and what it’s about.

It all started with drama

This song is sort-off a diss track towards 2 friendship groups that I used to be in. They’re actually the most toxic groups of people I’ve ever encountered despite them claiming they are good people. It was a lot of cyber-bullying, even when I’m just minding my own business. And not only they’re bullying me, but also my friends, and they claim to be the “best group chat ever” but in actuality… some of them are toxic in their own way.

So I’ve decided to write a song about it. It took around less than a week to finish the first demo as the chord progression was something I was working on back in August 2016.

I showed my friends the first demo and they were shocked by the amount of shade I threw in that song.

They then commented saying:

“OMG!!! Be careful if you do release that song!”

Then came the 2nd group chat that did me dirty and I ended up modifying the song to accommodate both of them.

I can go on to the specifics and drag them all down, but the past is past.

Musical Influences

Since the original song was mostly catered towards the first group of friends, a lot of the instrumentation and lyrics were influenced towards them rather than the second group chat.

The instrumental is inspired by their favourite band at the time… Twenty One Pilots. Apparently, ‘We Don’t Believe what’s on TV‘ sounds eerily similar by pure accident.

I was inspired by Naughty Boy’s ‘La la la‘ to do the ‘na na na‘ part that you constantly hear in the song. I like the idea of blocking the ‘nagging’ and ‘complaining’ from those people so the fact that the song starts with the ‘na na na’ is like me saying “shut up as you have said enough bullshit for today“.

I changed it to ‘Na na na’ because we were all My Chemical Romance fans.

And finally, lyrical structure. I was kinda inspired by Taylor Swift’s “We’re Never Ever Getting Back Together“. I liked the idea of an anthem where you’re telling someone to ‘fuck off‘. So Taylor’s song was like the skeleton.

Part of the lyrics is also inspired by 2NE1’s ‘Go Away’. I needed to write something that’s ‘angry’ and ‘punchy’ as it is a song about a group of people who just… made me really upset at the time.

What is the song about?

I wanted to create a song which is about being able to move on while still saying ‘fuck you’. So that was the main theme of the song. I want to build the song up where I just straight up tell them to go away and address that being around them was the worse experience of my life.

The most important part of the song – being able to say that you don’t need to please them to be happy.

My favourite lyric in the song goes

“Is my existence just an inconvenience?”

A common thread that people said to me that I was a mistake and that they regret meeting me. So the lyrics following that line just tells them to leave as we’re not going to agree with each other.

If so, why don’t you go And don’t ever come back Cuz I dont give a crap about you anymore

Producing the song

I’m not… really proud… per say… when it came to the production of the song. Originally, it was just going to be uke + vocals. But when you hear the other songs in the EP, Shady Song will sound very underproduced compared to the others. But then again… I wrote this song in 2016 and completed it by 2018. And since then, my music style has grown from the simple stuff that it started with.

The drums and bass are loops from Logic Pro cuz I don’t play drums nor bass. Besides, this was made before Mystic and I decide to work together. Don’t expect too much with that lol.

What happened since that song?

Not a lot has happened since the release. No tea, no drama. I was able to get a lot of stuff out of my chest so that’s good.

I wanted to make a clean version of the song but my friends told me not to as it takes away the ‘punch’.

I did encounter some people who did question what the song is about or who am I referencing and how. Best not to get into it as it will involve digging through old DM’s from the past.

Why did I call it the Shady Song?

All these people were very shady in the way they act towards me and others. They did a lot of people wrong and are so judgy that it feels like either a cult or a hivemind.

I want to throw back some shade that they dumped on me and believe me…. they have waaay more dirt that’s not worth going in to.

Overall

This song reached 1k plays and I’m so proud of that achievement. Thank you so much. If you want to support my music, you can find them down below.

Spotify

Apple Music

Google Play

Bandcamp

[lizzienaut]

OK BABE IK UR ON HIATUS BUT I FORGOT U LIKED OMORI AND I AM. HAVING THOUGHTS I HOPE U DONT MIND ME SHARING.

-Kel 110% snorts please oh my god his laugh would be so boisterous like out of all of them he's def one of the most fun to tickle because he's either flailing sm or limp and howling

-Naturally Hero can tickle him the best because. Older brother privileges. He knows ALL his spots

-But also as he got older Kel got better at fighting back. And Hero def isn't as ticklish as him but he is decently so Kel knows the best spots

-Younger Aubrey would be the second most likely her giggles and cackles are also super bubbly and just childlike in a super cute way and she would blush so much but deny it

-Older Aubrey is less ticklish just bc of getting older and also disliking touch a lot more, but the group still remembers which spots work best and (in the everything is OK Au bc fuck u) once she gets more comfortable with everyone again she's not apposed to being tickled. She mainly lets Sunny and Basil, Mari is way too teasy and Kel and Hero would be embarrassing

-BASIL IS SO TICKLISH. His tolerance is honestly pretty low so they all know they need to take it much easier with him esp bc he can get overwhelmed

-His stomach is def his worst spot he doesn't laugh *too* loud but it'll get some high pitched belly laughs out of him

-Sunny is decently ticklish, but only with people he *really* trusts. Mari is obviously the best at getting him to giggle a bit, and Basil is pretty close

-He doesn't actually laugh but he is ticklish, the giggles are more so from being flustered and everyone still really enjoys tickling him even if he feels bad for not really laughing

-All of them absolutely use tickling to tire Kel out because that kid is a fuckin ball of energy and sometimes they need him to chill for a little

-(Also Aubrey does it to get him to "Shut up" /lh)

I HAVE MORE BUT. YEAH -Vee

VEE MY BELOVED

THE KEL HEADCANONS HAVE ME GOING ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FERAL IM SO IN LOVE W THESE P L E A S E SEND ME MORE HOLY FFFFFFUCK

EVERYTHING IS OKAY AND ALL OF THEM GET INTO TICKLE FIGHTS AND AUBREY AND KEL BICKER AND USE TICKLING TO ONE UP EACH OTHER IN GAMES AND STUFF OR TO ANNOY ONE ANOTHER AND BASIL IS JUST THE BIGGEST GROUP TARGET AND AAAAAAAAHHHHH

omg :’(( they all need to be giggly and happy my heart ACHES AGH

[twopoppies]

Hi!! What are your personal favourite fics ever ? And could u do a list of your fav deleted fics? I think I really just need new fics to read Haha Xx

Oh, I love that question. Okay, I already have a list of Favorite Fics, but here are my fave deleted ones:

Into The Blue by Zarah5 (E, 117K) honestly, I love all of this author’s fics, but I think this is my favorite of theirs. Louis as a flirty scuba instructor? Newly single Harry who just wants a fling? Boys living on other sides of the world who only have a few weeks together? Heartbreak. Hot af smut. OT5 friendship. Please….give me all that shit.

Pull Me Under by zarah5 (E, 140K) One of the very first fics I read when I came into this fandom…and I’ve read it multiple times since. Zarah’s fics hold up every time. This one has it all, great pacing, ot5 friendship, banter, super sexy smut, etc etc. Plus, Louis being super jealous of Harry’s best friend.

to hell with romancing by bottomlinsons (E, 8K) This is worth reading for Harry’s internal monologue alone. This is just a funny fic that morphs into a sweet and really sexy one.

Dream Awake by protagonist_m (M, 31K) beautifully written, this one pulled me in and I got lost in the story so deeply. It’s one of those fics that really deserved a wider audience.

pretty in pink by hereforlou (E, 6K) I love this author’s writing and they give suck a realistic portrait of an established relationship in this one: Harry is whiny and needy. Louis is indulgent and loving. The whole thing is very sexy.

into joy i’m sailing by hereforlou (E, 5K) This fic is so tender and soft and sexy. The whole idea behind the fic was just something that felt very real and so fully realized.

This is cheating, but I honestly love so many of hereforlou’s fics, so here are all the ones I have.

feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream by togetherwecouldbealright (M, 123K) I read this one so, so long ago that all I remember is that I loved it, that there’s some really romantic and sweet moments, and that my notes from way back when only say, “OMG this one is so good! And I’ve barely gotten to the smut!” HAHAHAHA!

Good Enough to Eat by objectlesson (E, 7K) This author always does such a good job with depicting young, queer love and the way their characters experience the overwhelm of realizing they’re not straight, realizing the’ve met their Person, pining, and giving in. I love a lot of their fics, but I think this is my favorite of them. However, I highly recommend looking through all of them.

as he that sleeps here swims by Acavall (M, 23K) This was one of the very first fics I read in the fandom way back in 2013. It’s sweet and charming and a little melancholy (happy ending of course). Harry’s a ghost, there’s a little magic involved, and there’s a sweet 8K epilogue, as well.

In Vogue by otpforever (M, 121K) This one is just….so much. The intensity of the characters, the crazy hot smut (oh god, the window scene), the FASHION, the angst (I had to take a walk around the block after reading it), the epic love story between two men who could rule the world if they could just figure their shit out. Loved it.

like a boomerang by youwill (M, 48K) Very loosely based on the movie Groundhog’s Day (essentially just the concept of reliving a day over and over), this fic is delightful and charming and really worth a read.

Take Care Down By The Water by shyserious (M, 37K) Not quite mermaids, but oh my goodness I loved this fic. Magical realism, mythical creatures, dreamy/moody atmosphere, beautiful writing.

Where Your Heart Is by tvshow_addict (E, 154K) One of my all-time favorite fics and an absolute must read IMO. Chock full of hurt/comfort (both emotionally and physically), this fic is so moving and so beautiful and will take you on an emotional roller coaster ride from start to finish.

The Road Less Travelled by freetheankles E, 98K) Also known as “the lumberjack fic”, this fic is an instant classic. The author makes widowed Louis’ pain and depression so real and so moving. The characters are three-dimensional and complex and the well written sexual tension is finally relieved with super hot smut.

You Always Make Me Smile by champagneboyband (E, 60K, WIP) Yes, it’s a WIP. I’m listing it because the hope that someday it will be updated gives me the will to live. But also because even as a WIP this fic has everything I love. The characters are multi-faceted, the sexual chemistry is off the charts, the background story is complex enough to give the story numerous possibilities for angst and everything else. WHY MUST IT REMAIN A WIP???

something so precious about this by champagneboyband (E, 4K) this is just endearing and awkward and so well written. I love how much you get a sense of their connection and their inexperience and how much they care for each other in just a few thousand words.

I have lots more that I haven’t read, but of the ones I have, these are my faves. You can also check my DELETED FICS tag for more or search my blog for an author’s name. If someone has asked for their fics, it will be tagged.