#these take me so long to draw the coloring process for them is so intense but it turns out really cool me thinks

[vanteguccir]

Them realizing your innocent / virgin

(Love your writing sm💕)

UGH THIS CONCEPT MAKES ME SO WET 😭😭😭

I firmly believe that knowing that you're still a virgin and that they'll be your first would make Matt and Chris feel so fucking aroused, they would go completely crazy, wanting to "mark" you as their own as soon as they discover it. I can see them losing their control, feeling like they could cum like teenage boys only with the thought of stretching you open for the very first time 😩

chris:

As the warm, muted glow of the bedside lamp bathed the room in soft light, Y/N and Chris found themselves entwined in each other’s arms. The atmosphere was charged with an electric tension, the kind that had been building up over weeks of tender, stolen kisses, and longing gazes. Tonight, that tension seemed to snap as their lips met in a searing kiss, all restraint forgotten.

Chris’s hands roamed Y/N’s back, pulling her closer, pressing her against him as if trying to merge their bodies into one. She could feel his heart hammering against her chest, matching the wild rhythm of her own. His mouth moved with a fervor that sent sparks down her spine, igniting a fire in her core. Her fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer, deeper, as if afraid he might slip away.

His hands slid under her - his - shirt, fingertips grazing the smooth skin of her lower back, inching upward with a deliberate slowness that made her gasp against his mouth. He was on fire, each touch leaving a trail of molten heat in its wake. Her shirt rode up, exposing her midriff to the cool air, a stark contrast to the blazing heat of their bodies.

Chris’s kisses became more insistent, more desperate. He pushed the shirt higher, and Y/N’s breath hitched. She felt a flush of shyness, a stark contrast to the inferno raging inside her. His lips left her mouth, trailing down her jawline to the sensitive spot just below her ear, drawing a soft moan from her.

He started to lift her shirt higher, fingers brushing against the soft swell of her breast. But suddenly, Y/N’s hands flew to his, stopping him in his tracks. Chris pulled back slightly, his eyes dark and glazed with desire, a question forming on his lips even as he continued to pepper kisses along her neck and collarbone.

"Babe." He murmured between kisses, voice husky with need. "What’s wrong, huh?"

She took a shaky breath, her hands trembling slightly as she held his, closing her eyes briefly while feeling his lips hugging her skin so perfectly.

"Chris, I… I’ve never… done this before." Her voice was barely above a whisper, a mix of embarrassment and anticipation coloring her words.

Chris froze for a moment, his mind processing her confession. Then, a slow, wicked smile spread across his face, and his eyes darkened even more.

"You’re a virgin?" He asked, his voice laced with both surprise and something else, something primal.

Y/N nodded, unable to meet his gaze.

"I’ve never been with anyone like this. I’m just… I've never felt ready for it before."

Chris’s breath hitched, and he pressed his forehead against hers, his own excitement surging to new heights.

"God, Y/N." He breathed, his voice thick with arousal, his warm breath caressing her skin. "Fuck, you have no idea how much that turns me on."

He captured her lips again, this time with a renewed intensity, his hands moving to cup her face tenderly.

"You’re so perfect." He murmured against her lips, his words a mix of praise and possessiveness. "So innocent, and all mine to destroy, yeah?"

Y/N whimpered at his words, the combination of his soft caresses and his dirty talk sending waves of pleasure through her. He continued to kiss her, his hands exploring her body with reverence, as if worshiping her.

"I’m going to take such good care of you." He promised, his voice both soothing and sinful. "I’ll make it so good for you, I swear."

He pulled back just enough to look into her eyes, his gaze filled with a mixture of lust and tenderness.

"Tell me if you want me to stop." He said, his tone serious despite the raging desire in his eyes. "I want this to be perfect for you."

Y/N nodded, her heart swelling with affection and arousal.

"I don’t want you to stop." She whispered, her voice trembling with need. "I just… I need you to go slow. For now."

Chris’s eyes softened, and he kissed her gently, his lips brushing against hers in a promise.

"I’ll go as slow as you need." He assured her. "We have all the time in the world."

matt:

Y/N nestled against Matt, the soft glow from the TV screen casting a warm light over their entwined bodies. The movie played on, but their attention was far from the plot. Matt's arm was wrapped around her, his fingers lazily drawing circles on her arm. She sighed contentedly, feeling the comfort and safety of his embrace.

Without warning, Matt's hand moved to gently tilt her chin towards him. His eyes, filled with an intensity she hadn't seen before, locked onto hers.

He leaned in, pressing his lips to hers in a kiss that was different from any they had shared before; deeper, more passionate. Y/N felt a shiver run down her spine as she returned the kiss, her hands moving to grasp his shirt.

The kiss grew hungrier, Matt's lips exploring hers with a fervor that made her head spin, their hot tongues intertwining in a wet dance. She could feel the heat rising between them, an electric current of desire that made her heart race. Matt's hand moved from her chin to cradle the back of her head, his fingers tangling in her hair as he deepened the kiss even further.

Y/N's breath hitched as she felt Matt's other hand begin to wander, tracing a path down her side, over her waist, and settling on her hip. Her body responded instinctively, a soft moan escaping her lips. She arched into him, feeling her arousal building with each touch, each kiss.

Matt's hand continued its journey, moving slowly, almost teasingly, down her thigh. He paused, his fingers hovering just above the hem of her small cotton shorts, and she could feel the heat of his touch seeping through the fabric. Her heart pounded in her chest, a mix of excitement and nervousness swirling inside her.

When Matt's hand slipped under her shorts, his fingers grazing the sensitive skin of her inner thigh, going up to meet her panties, Y/N tensed. The sensation was both exhilarating and terrifying. She had never gone this far with anyone before, and the realization made her stomach twist with anxiety.

Matt immediately sensed her tension, pulling back from the kiss to look at her with concern, his working hand stopping abruptly.

"Hey." He whispered, his voice gentle. "What's wrong?"

Y/N bit her lip, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

"I... I just..." She struggled to find the words, her nervousness making it hard to speak.

Matt brought his hands up, meeting them with her face, cupped her cheeks in his palms, his thumbs gently stroking her cheeks.

"You can tell me anything, you know that, baby." He said softly.

Taking a deep breath, Y/N met his gaze.

"I've never... I've never been with anyone like this before." She admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm a virgin, Matt."

Matt's eyes widened in surprise, and for a moment, she feared he might pull away. But instead, his expression softened, a mixture of tenderness and something darker crossing his features.

"You're so fucking perfect." He murmured, as if talking to himself, his voice thick with desire. "So pure."

The intensity in his eyes made her shiver, her body responding to his words in ways she hadn't expected.

"Matt..." She whispered, her voice trembling.

He leaned in, his lips brushing against her ear as he spoke.

"I've wanted to feel you for so long, petal." He said, his voice low and husky. "But I need you to be sure. I need you to trust me."

Y/N nodded, her breath hitching as she felt his hands move again, this time with more purpose.

"I trust you." She said, her voice steady despite the whirlwind of emotions inside her. "With my life."

Matt's lips curved into a wicked smile, and he began to place soft, lingering kisses along her jawline, down her neck. His hands explored her body with a newfound confidence, each touch sending waves of pleasure through her.

"You're mine, sweetheart." He whispered against her skin, his voice a seductive growl. "And I'm going to make you feel so good."

[a-twistedheartslonging]

Soft

They/Them used for the reader, your tummy gets grabbed, dirty talk.

“-oh my, do you doubt my love for you then?”

“Huh? Oh, no . Nonono, of course not. I know you love me, and I love you a whole bunch too. It's just…I don’t understand why you're attracted to me... physically I guess.”  At that Jade immediately halts his steps, pausing mid-stride as he processes their words.

“Uh…Jade?” They question nervously from his side.

Shifting his towering, frame, he takes a moment to quickly survey his surroundings, glancing left and right to ensure they are alone before decisively closing the distance between them. With a sense of purpose, Jade plants his hands firmly on either side of the Prefect's head, the sheer size of his palms able to nearly engulf their face as he leans down, bringing his features mere inches from theirs.

“My my, what a cruel little human you are…”

“W-what? Jade, I don’t-”

The words die in their throat as an intense, bi-colored gaze bores into their eyes, an unreadable expression on his face as he silently scrutinizes them, the air thick with anticipation. They can feel Jade's warm breath ghosting across their skin, heart pounding in their chest as they wait with bated breath to see what the imposing figure will do next, half expecting him to use his unique magic to get his answer. 

Jade gazed down at the flustered human, a mischievous glint in his eyes as his mouth began to split into a wide grin, showing off the sharp teeth he typically hides. He could see the confusion and uncertainty written all over their face, and it only served to pique his interest further. 

With a low, rumbling chuckle, he leaned in closer, his face mere inches from theirs. "My dear pearl, you truly have no idea the effect you have on me, do you?" he murmured, his breath ghosting across their skin. The way their eyes widened, the faint tremor in their voice - it was all so deliciously endearing to him. Jade knew he was an imposing figure, towering over the smaller human, and he reveled in the power he held in this moment. But beneath his teasing, there was a genuine longing.

He ached to show them, to make them understand just how captivating they were in his eyes. With a featherlight touch, he trailed his fingers down their cheek, drinking in their flustered reaction. "Or perhaps," he purred in a low tone, "this is your way of testing me, of seeing how far I'll go to prove my affections?" His gaze darkened, smoldering with an intensity that left the Prefect trembling. Whatever the reason, Jade was determined to make them see - to make them feel - the depth of his love and attraction. This was no mere game; it was a dance of passion, and he fully intended to lead.

“Once you are again ready for me, I will be sure to kiss every freckle on your skin. I will bury my face into your soft pliant stomach, lovingly draw our initials with my fingertips, and savor the comforting warmth and-” His hand then drifts lower, caressing their hip with a gentle, almost reverent touch before moving to gently grasp a handful of their soft stomach.

“Suppleness of your lovely form.”

He moves his face to rest by their ear before speaking again, swallowing his salvia he almost drools at the combination of the Prefects scent with the mental picture of his next words. “How I look forward to when I get to once again kneed and suck that soft chest of yours...in the way I know you love. I want to see it bounce for me when I dig my claws into your hips and make them move with my thrusts. I want to again be crushed and choked by your cushy thighs. To nibble every inch of your body and leave many new marks, because not only do I find you lovely…”

“You. Are. Mine.”

As he speaks, he carefully enunciates each word, ensuring that every syllable is clearly articulated and emphasized before he slowly pulls back. Jade's hands linger on their body for a moment, his fingertips tracing the contours and curves one last time.

There is hesitance in his movements, a subtle resistance to the idea of removing that physical connection. Yet, with a deep, steadying breath, Jade straightens his posture, rolling his shoulders back and lifting his chin. The loss of that intimate contact is palpable, but he steels himself, pushing past the almost instinctive desire to maintain the closeness. His expression returns to his usual smile, betraying none of the conflict playing out within him, and clears his throat.

With a tilt to his head, he finally asks. “Now…shall I continue escorting you to your class?”

[kazehita]

Hello!!! I love your art so much, especially the way you render!! Do you have any tips, tutorials, etc on rendering?? Be as detailed or curt as you like, I'm just hoping to improve my skills -- and I hope to see more art from you, in any form!!! You're a fantastic artist !!!! Have a good day :)

Sorry for the delay in answering this, I wanted to answer it well!!!

Here's my typical 5-step process:

flats

he has been flatted. You'll notice I also colored the lineart at this stage as well! Also, I do work with the background at the same time, but I have hidden it here for simplicity.

2. Cell shade shadows

I used to skip cell shading and just ball with my rendering, but I have found starting out like this is much faster!!

3. Airbrush shadows and colors

I did two things here, one is just a touch of airbrushing the colors into eachother, to help make everything more harmonious. The other is to airbrush colors onto my shadows! I set that layer to multiply, and mess around until something looks a little like I want.

4. Painting

This is the time sink - there's no getting around it, it just takes forever!! It's a lot about making the dark areas darker, and artifically injecting some color diversity - I like to diversify shades, and just slap on slight hue shifts as i go, and if it sucks I just paint over it some more. I draw different colors into eachother (look at the black shirt above, see how i bring in the tan and whites into the grey?) and add detail and texture. It's a little hard to explain beyond that, hmm... Do let me know if you have specific questions about it!

5. bedazzle and effects

I add extra highlights to the highlights, maybe a sparkle or two on a hard edge, hash lines for texture, and occasionally I also do screentones in shadows. Also, importantly, i blur things that shgould be out of focus! See on the arms and legs here - the bottom image has them blurred more intensely the further they are from the focal point. It's a small thing, but this effect goes a long way!

Annd done!

It's the little things that make a rendered piece sing! A balance between detailing and speed is a tricky one to figure out - I'm still working on that myself!

Also, there's two different ways I render at the moment, one is the quick-messy for sketches, which is what I've done for most of my fanart lately, but I assumed that you were asking about my full process so I went into detail on that. Tho if you're curious about my sketch rendering, anyone is welcome to ask me about that as well!

(there is little method to this madness though, haha)

Omg wait I had forgotten, a few months ago i was making a mini art guide about some tips and tricks

I lost motivation but if anyone is actually interested do let me know and maybe i'll finish it hjsdhjfghjs

Anyway, thank you so much anon!!!!! wah!!!!!!! Your kind words mean the world to me ;w; They fill me with strength and joy1!!!!!! thank you so much!!!!!!!!

[hampink]

so kaku twitter space Q&A highlights (5/14/2023)

was casually listening to so kaku’s (kaguragi) twitter space while i was drawing, so here's some fun kingohger related + personal questions he answered that i noted down and translated!

(unfortunately i didn't record the stream though so you’ll just have to believe me)

 (source: bro just trust me)

Q: who’s your favorite king in kingohger?

probably yanma. he’s very cool and manly, and i like how high energy he gets

Q: do you guys come up with the kingohger tiktoks yourselves?

we have a social media manager who suggests which audio to do, and we (the actors) decide how we'll act it out together

Q: anyone from the cast you talk to/hang out with the most?

all of them, but maybe because we’re shooting a lot of scenes with jeremy right now recently i talk to masashi ikeda a lot

Q: does kaguragi know what kuroda looks like?

oh but of course he does~!

Q: what's your favorite sentai?

dairanger! it's such a cool show

Q: a question from my 5 yr old son: does kaguragi like flowers? he says he wants to go flower picking with kaguragi

ahh, flower picking, how nice! yes, kaguragi likes flowers!

Q: does kaguragi have a favorite place?

he does, but i can't say what it is yet. there’s a really good scene (about it) so look forward to that

Q: how much of kaguragi’s hair is a wig? also how long does the hair and makeup take?

the entire thing is a wig. it used to take a lot longer to get into hair and makeup, but the makeup artists have gotten used to it/have gotten better at it so the process is a lot faster now, which i’m really grateful for

Q: i heard shiokara's actor does a lot of adlibs. do you do that a lot as kaguragi too?

“sukonbu piiman” (”sour konbu peppers”, kaguragi mishearing “sukopi”) was an adlib

Q: are kaguragi's geta (wooden sandals) hard to walk in?

it was at first, but i've gotten used to it now

Q: what’s your favorite anime?

code geass, gurren lagann, higurashi no naku koro ni. i like intense anime

Q: favorite musician?

BUMP OF CHICKEN

Q: favorite flower?

pansies

Q: favorite food?

curry, sushi, and yakiniku

Q: i love how hachi ohger incorporates kabuki movements in his fighting style. what's your relationship with kabuki?

i really like kabuki. it wasn’t a traditional kabuki production but when i was younger i saw a performance of “super kabuki” and thought it was really cool. as for kaguragi/hachi ohger, the suit actors and i would watch videos of kabuki actors and try to mimic their movements.

Q: we want to see the fruits of your (muscle) training!! please let kaguragi wear a tank top!!

hopefully we get to do a scene like that hahaha

Q: do you look up your name online?

i do... so please don’t say mean things about me ;w;

Q: what's kaguragi's favorite vegetable? my nephew who’s growing vegetables at home would like to know!

wow! kaguragi would love anything homegrown. but maybe in particular he likes tomatoes, or eggplants

Q: what’s your favorite thing about kaguragi’s outfit?

the haori (coat), definitely. it’s when i put it on that i really feel like i’ve transformed into kaguragi. but the outfit weighs 5 kilos... so heavy...

Q: tell us about the "H" incident

the what....? *suddenly remembers* OHHHH HAHAHA

so during the roll call scene in episode 10 where aoto (yanma) said "eichi no ou, yanma gasuto! (king of wisdom, yanma gast!)" i thought he said "eichi" as in the latin letter “H” (in japanese, H = hentai/ecchi, in other words he thought yanma said he was “the king of perverts/sex” LOL)

Q: what's kaguragi's color? (asking for light stick reasons since there’s no black color setting on a light stick)

it's orange, i'm pretty sure!

END

i joined in kinda late so there’s probably some questions i missed (and sorry if i remembered some details wrong, i was multitasking and not fully focused, but i did take simple notes) he also talked abt things like how he plays valorant and how great his muscle training is going etc (he lamented that kaguragi wears so much clothing and he doesn’t get to show off his muscles lol). i think i remember he also teased something about kaguragi and rita as a duo and something ~maybe~ happening with them in the plot

it was his first time hosting a twitter space and he gave off very boomer energy because he had No idea what he was doing. people kept trying to help him understand how to let in other speakers but he gave up lol xD he was kind of nervous but it was still a lot of fun! himeno and shiokara’s actors were there too, and he might do a twt space with the both of them next time ^^

[yeehawpim]

HI UM i really admire you and your art and i was wondering --

so i really love the way you format your comics, its really straight-forward and lets the reader process every word with ease (which i think adds to the impact of the writing), and that one rue comic with the split colors for the parentheses... how do you do it without making it look so messy?? to bring up another example, the hide-and-seek comic- i love how subtle and genius the call back to hiding behind the door was, it blew my mind... i take a lot of inspiration from the way you format and lay out your comics but for some reason i cant wrap my head around how you do so much with so little (in reality this might just be the result of me wanting to add so many little details for others to find , while being conflicted on keeping it simple, and,,, AGH...) for context : im trying to make a comic about isolation, but i keep filling up the page because i want to add things - when really i know i should be keeping it simple... but other than removing unnecessary details, i want to know what else you do to make your comics so clean and simple yet it rips out the emotions from your heart and has you stare at it as it beats. like... i want that type of impact!! i want to affect others on such an intense level!! i want to induce emotions!!! but how?

(sorry this was long, HAHAHA i just want to drive my point home- again with the 'wanting to add a lot of stuff to prove a point' thing but i digress)

ok first of all that is a huge compliment and it means v much to me, thank you 😭🙏❤️❤️

tbh for me the answer of keeping things uncluttered is paying attention to spacing and eye direction. Spacing depends on timing, if you want an action to happen slowly for instance you can make the space between panels longer, or take more panels for someone to complete an action. There's tricks for directing your eye, if you ever read anyth about focal points (eg biggest contrast, triangular shapes pointing towards what's important), but really with comics I keep in mind you're reading left to right and top to bottom.

The ruehob comic is actually simpler than you think 😅 I already knew which text had to be on the left and right with august's text post. And after that the "lanes" were so narrow there weren't a lot of complicated things I could do, just make sure you still read left to right and saunter vaguely downwards.

when you talk about putting little details, that doesn't necessarily have to distract people. Like I honestly applaud you having the drive to do detailing. You just have to make sure your compositions allow for it. Like if you think about ghibli backgrounds, they're elaborate and beautiful af.

For smth about isolation, my first thought was that you can draw a person in a setting alone among a bunch of objects, for instance. If you keep the person small but surround them with a bunch of detailed objects, it could feel very lonely. Just make sure the person still stands out b/c they're what's important, so for example the background stuff is a less saturated colour, or the person is the least detailed thing on the page. I think that's the main thing, you just have to make sure the things important to what you're saying stand out. Clarity is rlly half the battle when I'm laying things out haha

In school our teacher called this "killing your babies" because it sucks when you work hard on a cool drawing and it just doesn't work out😂This also still happens to me, it's actually partly why I keep things simple so I can work fast and throw out less

Here is a timestamp from supereyepatchwolf's video about Chainsaw Man, which has some of the coolest fuckin layouts

He's got other stuff that talks about manga and how eye direction can work and what cool stuff has been done. Off the top of my head his vid about one piece and his vid about gantz have helped me understand how to cause Emotions. Also I think he has one about Junji Ito that specifically talks about how details can make you scared, if you're into that 😂

hope this helps!

[gwendolynlerman]

Untranslatable words (part 3)

Here are part 1 and part 2. I have also made other posts with untranslatable words in Spanish and German.

Arabic: غرفة [ḡurfa] (the amount of water that can be held in one hand), يقبرن [yaqbirna] (literally “may you bury me”, wishing that a loved one outlives you because of how unbearable life would be without them)

Bantu: mbuki-mvuki (to shed one’s clothing spontaneously and dance naked in celebration)

Dutch: gezellig (cozy, nice, pleasant, sociable), struisvogelpolitiek (literally “ostrich politics”, an evasive style of politics that fails to address problems by either ignoring them or by creating a false sense of security through ineffective measures)

Finnish: poronkusema (the distance a reindeer can comfortably travel before taking a break, around 7.5 kilometers/4.7 miles)

French: feuillemorte (of the color of a faded, dying leaf), l’appel du vide (literally “the call of the void”, the inexplicable draw of the dangerous and unknown future), noceur (someone who goes to sleep late or not at all or one who stays out late to party)

German: Drachenfutter (literally “dragon fodder”, the gift a husband gives a wife when he is trying to make up for bad behaviour), Kabelsalat (literally “cable salat”, cable clutter)

Greek: μεράκι (intense passion)

Hungarian: szimpatikus (nice, likeable)

Japanese: ぼけっと [boketto] (gazing vacantly into the distance without thinking about anything), 風物詩 [fūbutsushi] (the things that evoke memories of a particular season)

Hawaiian: ʻakihi (listening to directions and then walking off and promptly forgetting them)

Hindi: जुगाड़ (jugāṛ) (a process or technique that lessens disorder in one’s life, making it easier to manage or more convenient)

Icelandic: tíma (not being ready to spend time or money on a specific thing despite being able to afford it)

Indonesian: jayus (a joke so terrible and unfunny it can’t help but make you laugh)

Inuktitut: ᐃᒃᑦᓱᐊᕐᐳᒃ [iktsuarpok] (the act of repeatedly going outside to check if someone is coming)

Italian: commuòvere (to move in a heartwarming way)

Malay: pisan zapra (the time needed to eat a banana)

Norwegian: forelsket (the indescribable feeling of euphoria experienced as one begins to fall in love)

Portuguese: nefelibata (literally “cloud-walker”, one who lives in the clouds of their own imagination or dreams or does not obey the conventions of society), saudade (a vague, constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist, a nostalgic longing for someone or something loved and then lost)

Russian: разлюбить (razliubit) (to fall out of love)

Sanskrit: कल्प [kalpa] (the passing of time on a grand cosmological scale)

Scottish Gaelic: sgrìob (the peculiar itchiness that settles on the upper lip before taking a sip of whiskey)

Spanish: cotisuelto (someone who insists on wearing their shirt tails untucked)

Swedish: mångata (the roadlike reflection of the moon on the water), smultronställe (literally “place of wild strawberries”, a special place treasured for solace and relaxation, free from stress or sadness), tretår (on its own, “tår” means a cup of coffee and “patår” is the refill of said coffee, so a “tretår” is therefore a second refill)

Tagalog: kilig (to experience shivers and suffer pangs from strong emotions, usually romantically)

Ursu: گویا [goyā] (a transporting suspension of disbelief, an “as-if” that feels like reality), ناز [nāz] (the pride and assurance that comes from knowing one is loved unconditionally)

Wagiman: murr-ma (the act of searching for something in the water with only one’s feet)

Welsh: glas wen (literally “blue smile”, one that is sarcastic or mocking), hiraeth (homesickness, nostalgia, a longing for somewhere one cannot or will not return to)

Yiddish: לופֿטמענטש [luftmentsh] (literally “air person”, someone who is a bit of a dreamer)

[ego-osbourne]

2023 Art Roundup

JAN - FEB - MAR - APR - MAY - JUN - JUL - AUG - SEP - OCT - NOV - DEC

(These aren’t entirely indicative of when I posted them, but when I actually finished them.)

These are some of my biggest/favorite projects through each month!

Piece details + Mod-posting below!

JAN - Asteía ; This was one of my first projects of the year that dealt with lighting, and additionally light from multiple sources! I also remember experimenting with backgrounds and how to make a character pop against a semi-detailed background without making them get lost in the piece.

FEB - Mora and Ego ; This was a good project on figuring out how to fill empty space while still keeping the atmosphere of a piece. It was also good perspective practice!

MAR - Sanguine and Ego ; Though I’m no longer too happy with the proportions or lighting of this piece, I still remember having a blast with it. Hearing feedback about them holding hands and Sanguine’s ear getting squished are very fun memories for me.

APR - Miraak and Ego ; This might be my favorite project of the whole year! Though I know I can do backgrounds better now, I remember being pretty confident and happy during the whole process! I think the motion/lighting/effects all came out very well :] ALSO it was the first piece I did with expressive masks for Miraak and Ego! Wahoo!

MAY - Mora and Ego (again) ; Though the last one was my personal favorite, I heard from a couple of friends that THIS was their favorite. Though a pain in the ASS to do, I’m especially happy with all the texture effects. This was also me experimenting with Mora’s design!

JUN - Erandur ; Not a particularly complicated/difficult piece, but one that was simply pure fun. Had a blast with lighting effects and atmosphere. It was also a good break from the family trip I was taking at the same time ,:]

JUL - Dagon ; Specifically his revamp! This was my first successful attempt at a (very) muscular body type that I liked! In fact, over the course of the year I’ve been pretty proud of my progress of expanding on body types. This one especially, though, was just very fun!

AUG - Iren and Rakell ; My first dive into a colored + shaded animatic (animation? It’s awful choppy lol)! FAR from perfect, but I was (and still am) so happy with the outcome. I particularly remember enjoying figuring out lines of movement and sound effects for the video.

SEP - Sanguine ; My first (and still only, though hopefully not for long) attempt at making Sanguine intimidating. I think this one is going in the right direction! As far as effects go, I actually had a very tough time with things because of a few layer-merging mishaps, but the final product was well-received!

OCT - The Warden ; After many-a night on Minecraft with friends, I realized just how much I loved the warden, and HAD to draw them. Redesigning characters is one of my absolute favorite things to do, especially when taking minimal details and expanding on them! They were super fun all around.

NOV - Miraak, Serana, Ego, and Ancano ; I’d been meaning to draw the siblings being siblings for a while now, but putting them all on one canvas was more than a little intimidating. I was so happy to have it done, though, and I kinda love seeing their colors clash together.

DEC - Sanguine (again) ; After not drawing him for so long, it was a blast doing so. The moment I was back home for winter break, I was ECSTATIC to get to work on this piece. #1 blorbo

~

This year has been an absolute ride.

I became a mod and then co-owner of the TES server that got me into making TDI and have made some really tight friendships over there (genuinely, anyone reading this who is/was in the cult server, I’m so damn happy to know you).

I’ve done some intense progress on TDI, and even though I didn’t QUITE accomplish my New Years Resolution of posting Ch. 1 this year, hopefully you can understand the drawbacks considering I am… //checks notes/// 70+ chapters in and still going.

I’m in college! Have been for a hot second now, but I’ve been working towards a ministry degree, and have future plans of getting a PhD after my bachelor’s so I can teach at a college level! I don’t think I talk a lot about my irl happenings, but hopefully that gives you an idea of why I might be a liiittle busy when it comes to writing. Ministry is an unforgiving degree when it comes to papers and meetings.

As earlier mentioned, I’ve learned how to do different body types, and am trying to find a good balance between shape language and inclusivity when it comes to bodies! I am… still struggling with feminine anatomy! Admittedly! But I’m willing to keep trying ,:]

And, overall, I (certainly hope I have) improved on my art. I have a much better sense of face shapes, line weights, and consistent details than I did at the beginning of the year. Always learning, but always improving, too!

I hope your year has gone well! Thank you so very much for checking out my blog. Tumblr has been a wonderful thing to get into and has led me to a lot of wonderful people. See you in the new year!

[reverthestarryeyed]

So I've been seeing the love clones of Hantengu being a thing, so I decided to do my own

I had to use a PLETHORA of references

I tried my best trying to draw the chibi 😓 If you couldn't already tell I took inspiration from Penny the Chicken

i couldn't decide what his face should look like, so you make the decision. I also tried making his eyes the same color as blush, I just looked it up and got Ff8080, tell me what you think

I tried giving him a sort of purplish/pinkish tinge in his hair, like how Sekido, Karaku, Urogi and Aizetsu have a color tinge in their hair, The etching on his tongue is obviously 愛 And here we have his outfit

I tried my best 😓, I basically just looked up "Taisho Era wedding outfit" and then recolored what I found, I was actually thinking of making the little fuzzy thing at the middle to be a rose, but I'm not sure. His footwear is just socks and slippers.

His weapon is a shotgun, he originally had red rope he uses as a weapon, but then changed it to a shotgun. I took inspiration from the song Bang Bang, "She was walking around with a loaded shotgun" "Bang, Bang, Bang, straight through my heart". As for his original weapon, I took inspiration from the idea that in Japan, there's a legend that humans are tied by a red string to their soulmate (I don't think I need to draw that, right?)

Eito is the only known clone that changed his blood demon art in such a drastic matter

I got the name Eito from Japanesenameinfo when I inputted 愛, I actually couldn't decide on which one I should pick 😅 so I'll leave it up to you. Me personally I'm gonna go with 永 meaning "eternity, permanence." So his name literally means "Forever in love"

Now we have his personality: As the manifestation of Hantengu's love, he is in a constant state of infatuation, like Hantengu in his human life he does genuinely love, but it doesn't last long (obviously, that's what infatuation means). He is also intensely narcissistic (philautia), and he also has a weird love obsession with humans (mania). Though, despite all of that, he still would not hesitate to kill a human (like I said I took slight inspiration from Penny the Chicken), contradicting that; he has a soft spot for humans, think a lot of them looks adorable, so cute when they squirm around like bugs trying to survive and escape.

Due to being narcissistic he also has a weird obsession with the other clones (seeing as they're literally him and vice versa), whether or not this is selfcest, I'll leave it up to your interpretation.

As I've mentioned before, Eito has a weird love obsession for humans, for example: When he and Genya first met, Eito immediately felt infatuated towards Genya simply because the both of them wielded a firearm, when Eito met Tanjiro he also felt infatuated to him because of his determination, and Tanjiro sorta reminds Eito of Sekido a little bit, same with Inosuke, and many more. Now before you say anything -- "infatuation" means "an intense but short-lived passion or *admiration* for someone or something" so no, he is not pedophilic

His original BDA: Red Thread of Fate (運命の赤い糸 Unmei no Akai Ito): Eito is able to attach a red string onto a person without them knowing due to being invisible, giving him the ability to track them down anywhere, he's also able to take away their energy via the string, slowly killing them in the process (I was kinda thinking of a deadlier version of an Energy Vampire https://youtube.com/shorts/c3bf9PqN9r4?si=3kbCL11t4HWQS33Q)

He is also able to use the rope itself as a weapon because, well, it's a rope

His new BDA: Smothery Loving Bullets (息苦しい 愛する 弾丸 Ikigurushī Aisuru Dangan): Instead of bullets like a normal shotgun, instead he shoots out this liquid-y substance (I'm thinking something similar to bubblegum) that shoots out like those things that shoots out bubbles (and I'm just now realizing that this is very similar to Sigewinne 😓). The slime (for now I'm just gonna call it slime lmao) will then slowly float towards a target and latch onto them little by little until they're fully covered, due to it being air tight the victim will slowly die of asphyxiation, and due to how sticky and flexible it is, it's nigh on impossible for someone to cut through it, though with enough speed to create momentum someone could tear through the slime (I think that's how it works 😅).

I'm planning to do another clone because

And I dont think anyone has made a Desire clone yet

[saturnzskyzz]

Hi! I love your fics and I was wondering if I could request you a prompt with ler!Seokjin and lee!Yoongi from BTS. Basically in their rookie days when the members are just getting to know each other and some of the members think Yoongi is scary, so they mention it to Seokjin who says something like Yoongi’s just a big softie. a few days later they hear Yoongi’s (cute!!) laughter for the first time and go see what’s up and find Seokjin tickling him and they all think Yoongi’s really cute and maybe have them join in if you want. Sorry if this is long, lol. It’s also okay if you don’t want to write it!! Have a good day!

Hello Anon! I'm glad you like my fanfics as much as I love writing them for you all!!

・I find this prompt really adorable, so thank you for your request!!

・Sorry it took me so long to get to it, I just have so many ideas for fanfics like these, and yet my motivation is usually running on a down low, but hopefully you like this one!! I really enjoyed writing it :)))

I would also like to say that any further concepts, ideas, or pairings will be drabbles, which are short fanfics, due to the lack of me keeping up with longer projects that are currently sitting in my drafts.

Don't worry though! You can request a longer fanfic from me; just let me know with your idea or pairing so it doesn't accidentally turn up as a drabble!

·˚ ༘ 𖦆 ꒷₊˚ ꒦꒷꒷꒦ ⑅ ʚ ⤜ ⨳ ࣪• ☼ ⋒ ⚡︎ 𐚱 ⊹˚˖⁺ ⤾·˚ ༘ 𖦆 ꒷₊˚ ꒦꒷꒷꒦ ⑅ ʚ ⤜ ⨳ ࣪•

・Him? Scary? ・

Summary:

Yoongi appears to be scary and intimidating according to the rest of Seokjin's members, what better way to prove them wrong by bringing out Yoongi's soft side?

Warnings:

| negative comments | tickling |

This is not a ship fanfic

Enjoy!

·˚ ༘ 𖦆 ꒷₊˚ ꒦꒷꒷꒦ ⑅ ʚ ⤜ ⨳ ࣪• ☼ ⋒ ⚡︎ 𐚱 ⊹˚˖⁺ ⤾·˚ ༘ 𖦆 ꒷₊˚ ꒦꒷꒷꒦ ⑅ ʚ ⤜ ⨳ ࣪•

The members were having a hard time trying to get to know one another now that it's been a few weeks of practice for their next album. They were put right to work to making songs rather than them getting to know each other, so Seokjin came up with a game they could all play while they had a three day break from working.

Seokjin had everyone sit in a circle with hand made cards in the middle. The rules were that each player had to draw a card that displayed two questions; one for the player, and one for the person on the player's right. The player who then asks the person on their right a question, it would be that person's turn to draw a card. Easy right?

Well.. It was easy for Seokjin and Yoongi. The rest were a bit shy through out the game. But Taehyung and Jungkook? They were more so anxious than shy since they sat from either side of Yoongi, unfortunately for them.

Taehyung had to ask Yoongi a question since he was on his right, and then Yoongi would have to ask a question to Jungkook, who was on Yoongi's right.

They didn't mean any harm for acting the way that they were with him, he just seemed like a pretty scary and blunt person in general, unfortunately.

"Okay, uh... Yoongi.. What is your favorite color?" Taehyung asked carefully as to not make his voice quiet like all the other times he tried to ask him normally.

"My favorite color is black, although white is another color I fathom to take interest of." Yoongi said quickly, and honestly. He gave Taehyung a small smile, and reached for a card in the middle.

Taehyung thought of how sweet his smile was compared to how he actually felt about Yoongi's presence being right next to him. Nonetheless, he stayed silent and just took the smile.

"Okay.. The card asks what my favorite food is.. Uhmm.." Yoongi instinctively looked up at the ceiling to think of what his favorite food would be.

Everyone was looking at Yoongi intensively. They wondered if he would give up about a difficult question like the one he was given and storm off somewhere.. What a specific way to think about Yoongi's thought process, and yet they still hoped that he would answer and not do what they had initially thought.

"Oh! My favorite food would be Galbi(Korean barbecue) because it has meat in it, eheh." Yoongi chuckled at his answer. He looked back at everyone to realize how everyone was slightly leaning a bit forward to look at him.

Upon hearing this, they all went back in their comfortable sitting positions. They all looked at each other with confused looks with how carefree Yoongi was being than the usual blunt persona he put on when practicing.

"Uhum..okay then, uh.. Jungkook, the card asks where you would want to go if you could go anywhere in the world." Yoongi asked without further question on why everyone apart from Seokjin were acting kind of weird. He looked to his right, giving the Makenae a natural look than a heavy face.

"Uhm.. Let's see.." Jungkook somehow tensed up at this, but he thought of where he would want to go quickly as he assumed that if he took any longer, then he would waste Yoongi's time.

"It's okay to take your time on that one, that question is quite hard to answer for a lot of people." Yoongi tried to reassure.

"T-thank you-or, uhmm.. Yeah!" Jungkook stumbled on his wording, instantly regretting blurting out words.

"W-where I would go would be Los Angeles, m-maybe? The beaches over there are pretty nice." Jungkook said finally. He looked at Yoongi and gave him a smile of his own.

"Ah! That's a good answer.. Los Angeles is a pretty place from what I've seen from photos!" Yoongi sparked up at that answer, causing everyone but Seokjin, who laughed at his bount of energy, to be confused by his burst of enlightenment so suddenly.

They played a few more rounds before Seokjin announced that he was getting tired. He had noticed how everyone but Yoongi looked pleased that the game was over. Not like he didn't notice anything that was off earlier, he always gave quick glances every now and then during the game when everyone would get all tensed up when it was Yoongi's turn.

"Uhm, on second thought.. Can I talk to you guys real quick?" Seokjin said while getting up. He walked over to the closest corner from in the studio, noticing that Yoongi had begun to walk over with the rest who tried to quickly walk away from Yoongi.

"Oh! Uh, Not you, Yoongi, you can go to your dorm.. I need to talk to everyone else though." Seokjin said, pointing at the door to emphasize his words. He saw how confused Yoongi's face had gotten, and without getting any response other than a shoulder shrug, the rapper left the studio room.

That's when Seokjin lowered his head a bit to look at everyone else who had to stay.

"Guys.. Are you all doing okay? You all looked like you guys let your anxiety win up until I called it quits on the game." with a worried look, the oldest started to fidget with his fingers with the thought that he must have done something wrong.

Namjoon walked up to Seokjin to get a better look at the oldest since he was standing in the back of everyone else.

"It's not the game that we were anxious about, if that's what you are thinking, hyung.. It was just that.. We all seem pretty nervous around Yoongi because of the aura he casts around the room when he's around.. I'm not really sure why, but we see him as a blunt person, to say the least.." Namjoon said, nervously glancing at Seokjin and then the wall behind the oldest.

'That's what they were anxious about?' Seokjin thought, chuckling at Namjoon's honesty, leaving the rest of the members confused. He walked up to Namjoon to put his hand on his shoulder. The leader of the group stopped himself from looking at the wall and looked up at Seokjin.

"Guys, I promise you, he's a really cool person to get to know! He's not this big bad guy you guys are forming in your head. If anything, he's just a bihig softy." Seokjin said with a chuckle. He then patted Namjoon's shoulder before taking his hand completely off of it, and started to slowly walk to the door that led out of the studio. "You guys get some rest, we are practicing tomorrow." Seokjin said, leaving the rest in the studio.

'Softy?' they all had the same thoughts. Yoongi? A softy? That can't be true.. Can it?

They all decided to leave that conversation at that, and they all left the studio to go in their dorms.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

The next morning, Yoongi got up pretty early to make everyone some breakfast. He doesn't usually cook stuff for the members, but he couldn't brush off the thought of how yesterday went in the studio. He had assumed that everyone was pretty tense that day, so he considered making bacon and eggs for everyone.

While he was getting the right size of a pan for the bacon, he decided to cook the eggs first to make them scrambled instead of hard boiled.

After a few minutes, the second member to leave their dorm was Seokjin, who was surprised with himself for waking up in a timingly manner. Usually, Namjoon or even Yoongi would have to wake up the oldest for always sleeping in.

"You're up early for someone who usually favors being in bed." Yoongi said when he heard a door close, causing him to look in the direction of the sound to see Seokjin's tired face, with his hair sticking up and sideways. "Ahahand your hair! Hyhuhung, you need toho fix your hair!" Yoongi said, holding his stomach and the counter top for leverage to not fall out of balance.

Seokjin was barely paying attention due to being tired, but he silently ruffled his hair to "fix it," and walked into the kitchen to stand next to Yoongi who was infront of the eggs.

"What are you making? Is that scrambled eggs?" Seokjin said, squinting and leaning closer to the pan to see the consistency of what was on the pan, then he looked down at Yoongi who was recovering from laughing at Seokjin's hair.

"Ihihi'm, mhmhm. Ihi'm making bacon with eggs if you want some! I'm making it for everyone.." Yoongi said, clearing his throat to stop laughing. He thought of what else to say, given that he reminded himself of why he was cooking in the first place.

"That's sweet of you, Yoongi. What made you want to cook? Usually you force me to make things, or you wait for Hoseok to wake up." Seokjin said sweetly, giving a quick poke to Yoongi's side to tease.

This made Yoongi flinch and took a step sideways, away from Seokjin, covering his side on instinct.

"Dohon't do thahat.. Uhm, I kept thinking about yesterday.. I uhh, I thought they seemed really awkward with the studio's atmosphere when we played that card game.. N-not saying that they didn't like it!" Yoongi quickly held out his hands to emphasize his words.

"Uhm.. I over thought the situation, so I decided to cook for everyone in hopes that they aren't nervous again." Yoongi said quietly, going back to attend the eggs.

Seokjin realized how Yoongi's demeanor changed when speaking his thoughts. He began to worry for both Yoongi, and the rest of his members. 'If they all are going to think like this, than how can one get along with the other?' he had thought.

"Yeah.. Thats why I called them over after the game ended.. I had suspicion that they were awkward yesterday.. They told me some of their concern's, but I'm not going to discuss that for your behalf. But they aren't going to think like this forever, Yoongi." Seokjin said, putting a hand on Yoongi's shoulder to try and comfort him the best that he could.

Yoongi didn't say anything now, he focused on the eggs so they wouldn't burn and become unedible. But he let that information slowly form into a big bubble in his brain to overtake any other thoughts he might have had.

"I reassured them though.. Although they think you're intimidating, they won't think that for long." Seokjin said, trying to reassure Yoongi the best that he could.

"Reassured them.. How, exactly?" Yoongi questioned, now curious as to what he told his members.

"Weeeeell, I told them that you are a cool person to get to know about.. Aaand I told them that you are a BIG softy!" Seokjin said with yet another poke to Yoongi's side, causing the younger to flinch again, having his arm that was attending the eggs to come down to protect his side.

"Noho way you said that to them, hyung!" Yoongi looked up at Seokjin with a small smile that he was desperately trying to hide.

"Yes way! How can I not hint to them that you are very sweet with people once you get to know them?" Seokjin gave Yoongi more pokes to get a reaction.. And to hear his laugh and see his smile.

Yoongi turned to face Seokjin now. He held up his hands as a form to defend himself from his hyung's attacking fingers.

"Stohop, Jin! Ihi'm literally cohoohking right nohow!" Yoongi said, stepping away from Seokjin.

That's when Seokjin reached over the stove to turn off the heat and placed the eggs on a non-heated ring.

"The eggs can wait. You however, need to cheer up." Seokjin quickly took both of Yoongi's hands and pulled him in for a hug, having the rapper's back against Seokjin's front.

"Noho! Seokjin, plehehease! Ihihi neEHEED- TOHohoho gehet back toho cooking!!" Yoongi all but screeched when Seokjin started to scribble away at his sides now instead of poking like before.

"You can get back to cooking once you've said it yourself that you're just a big softy who is sweet and caring to others." Seokjin argued, slowly pinching Yoongi's bottom ribs now to have his laugh go up an octave.

"AAH-! AHAahaha, Seokjihihin! StAHAahahaP, plehehease!!" Yoongi tilted his head down and tried to curl in on himself the best that he could. He pulled onto his hands that were against his own chest due to Seokjin keeping them there, but failed at getting any of them free.

"Quiet Yoongi~ You don't want to wake any of our sleepy members, do you?" Seokjin said, whispering into his ear that was painted with a deep shade of red.

Seokjin then pinched at his top ribs to see if Yoongi would actually stay quiet for his members. Knowing this would usually cause a big reaction, he was wanting to be evil that morning.

Yoongi squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head to try and get rid of the tickly sensations that were coursing through his body. He tried to stay as quiet as possible, but it was quite hard since Seokjin was attacking one of his worst spots, as well as his hands being held.

"Seheheokjihihin-! S-StohohoAHAahaha! Ohoho myhyhy gohohod!" Yoongi was desperately trying not to laugh out loud, but it was getting to the point where he couldn't take it much longer.

"What's it gonna be then?? Are you going to realize that they aren't going to view you as a scary dude for the rest of our lives, or are you wanting to wake them up and have me tell them why I'm tickling you half to death?" Seokjin explained, lowering his head down to look at Yoongi better.

Yoongi didn't say anything other than to laugh his lungs out by how bad his top ribs are when tickled. He nearly couldn't think straight because of how bad it was.

"Have it your way then." Seokjin said, digging his hand into Yoongi's under arm now, sending the younger to bulk up one of his legs. He completely lost his footing from slightly kicking, and took him and Seokjin down on the kitchen floor. Seokjin mainly took the fall for already knowing that was going to happen since it wasn't the first time he's had this reaction with Yoongi.

"NAHAHAahahaAHA! STAA-AHAahahaAha-! Ehehahah, mhmhEHEmhm." Yoongi used all of his strength to have one of his hands free, and decided to use his chance to cover his mouth to result any other loud laughter that came out of him.

"Awww, look at that, you can't admit something and yet you're caring enough to not wake the others up. How cute~" Seokjin said, surprised that he was able to get his hand free, but nonetheless thought it was cute by how dedicated he was to not wake the others.. But it was too late, unfortunately for Yoongi.

Jimin, Hoseok, Jungkook, Taehyung and Namjoon all came out of their rooms after exchanging texts trying to figure out who was laughing out in the kitchen. When they came out, they didn't see anything other than hearing sweet laughter coming from behind the kitchen counter.

When all of them shared glances, they silently agreed to check behind the counter. What they saw was the back of Seokjin with a head tilted down towards the floor.

They were all surprised as to seeing the one who was captured by Seokjin, laughing freely and adorably to all of them, was Yoongi himself.

After a moment of them staring, they heard Yoongi squeal when Seokjin switched from digging into his underarm, to going for the side of his neck.

"Seheheokjihihin, plehehease! Mehehercy! AHA-ahaha." Yoongi laughed into his hand. He begun to push his hand more against his mouth to keep himself from being loud, not knowing that the members were behind them.

The rapper then scrunched up his shoulders and tilted his head back-close to where Seokjin's hand was at on his neck.

The members stared in awe, watching all of it go down with out a sound with their own commentary. They wanted to keep their thoughts to themselves to watch the scene unfold adorably with no interruptions.

Unfortunately for Yoongi, Seokjin found a specific spot near the front of his neck and collarbone that had him shoot his hand that was covering his mouth, down to the attacking hand to try and get him off. Still having his head back, he allowed himself to smile and laugh freely now that he has already dug his grave from taking his hand off of his face.

That was when the rest of the members were able to see Yoongi's big gummy smile just enough. They all quietly awed even more so at how sweet and contagious his smile was to them. They began to have smiles of their own when seeing Yoongi finally being carefree.

Seokjin was right, Yoongi was just a big softy afterall.

"Seheheokjihihin, SEOKJIN! Stahahohop! Ohokahahay, ohohokahahy! Ihihi gehehet ijihit nahaahow-!" Yoongi cried out, desperately trying to pry Seokjin's hand off of him. He kicked out his legs just a bit to try and see if he could tip themselves over, but to no avail.

That was when Yoongi decided to open one of his eyes the best that he could, and was surprised to see the rest of his members watching the scene go down, seeing all of their smiles at once.

His face turned into a dark red, and quickly tilted his head down with a quiet whine, trying his best to cover his face while still swatting at Seokjin's hand.

Seokjin heard his whine, and decided to turn his head to look behind him to see the rest of his members. He smirked when seeing all of them.

"Hey guys! Don't worry about us, Yoongi hear also had thoughts about yesterday so I decided to cheer him up about it. What do you guys think?" Seokjin said, switching his attack back to scribbling at Yoongi's sides to make him giggle up a storm for the show.

"I mean.. It's just like you said, Hyung. He is just a big softy!" Hoseok broke their own little silence. He looked at the other members for validation for his answer, and every nodded in agreement.

"Well, what do you know?" Seokjin whispered in Yoongi's ear to prove his point from yesterday and earlier that morning.

"Seheheokjihihin- Plehehease stohohop! Thihihis ihis embahaharrassing!" Yoongi finally said after many giggles and suppressed squeals.

"What? It's not my fault that you are in a giggly mess." Seokjin said, earning muffled chuckled from the members.

"Wow Hyung, that's mean!" Jungkook said.

"Ihihit ihihis! AAH- NOHhoho!! Nohohoho mohohorehe!" Yoongi felt Seokjin go for his bottom ribs yet again. He twisted his body the best he could to lose the hand, but he forgot that Seokjin was still holding his other hand, and was unfortunately unable to get away.

Yoongi then tilted his head up again, and grabbed at Seokjin's attacking hand now to try and pry it off of him.

The members took in his smile again, seeing how sweet and adorable his smile really is. They've seen him smile before, yes, but they have never seen his gummy smile before until this very moment. And his giggles were probably the members favorite. Yoongi's laugh and giggles when tickled was never like how his usual laughs are when someone did or said something stupid. It was like sweet airy giggles that weren't too loud and high, but were also not too quiet and low. They truly favored this type of Yoongi, and it definitely has vanished the "scary" and "intimidating" stereotype out of their vocabulary.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Seokjin saw how tired Yoongi was getting from all the laughing and decided to call it quits, letting go of Yoongi so he can relax onto Seokjin.

"Ahaha, nehehver doho that ahagain, hyhuhung!" Yoongi said, regaining all the strength to get up finally.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. You never know the future, Yoongi." Seokjin said, pointing a finger in Yoongi's direction.

"Hold on, you've tickled Yoongi before?!" Jimin blurtedly asked, surprised.

"Well yeah! Of course I have. If I haven't, I don't think this would have happened." Seokjin said. He decided to get up from the floor, following with Yoongi as well. He had ignored the onslaught as to not get too embarrassed as he already was, and he went back to cooking the bacon and eggs that were neglected.

"You're lucky that these eggs haven't gone bad yet, Hyung. If they have, then you would've been the next to be on the floor, laughing." Yoongi threatened, causing everyone and even Seokjin to tense up.

"I'm making bacon and eggs for everyone, so if you don't want to be on the floor like I have, then you guys better sit at the table." Yoongi said, pointing at a nearby table, and gave a warning glare at everyone.

No one said a word and quickly sat at the table.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

The rest of the members questioned Yoongi's nature. Him? Scary? Yeah, a little bit. But can he also be a carefree person who likes to laugh? Most definitely.

[skygent]

I was winding down for the day and wanted to show you all just a portion of what I’ve been up to so I decided to post a few of the Amphibia Hug It Out scenarios I plan on writing in the coming months.

In case you don’t know, Hug It Out is a series of one shots I have meant to be comfort fics for you! No matter what you may be going through. I am still taking requests on it so if there are any subjects you’d like to see, let me know! My inbox is open! :)

Which scenario are you most looking forward to?

1000 Mile Continuity=Marcy x Reader

Worthy Continuity=Sasha x Reader

Sasha: Perfect

Set at the beginning of the Worthy continuity, it’s the beginning of your sophomore year at St. James High School. You and Sasha are walking on eggshells around each other, trying to rebuild your friendship after everything that happened in Amphibia. If only Maggie would leave you both alone long enough to figure this out…

Marcy: Butterfly Effect

Set in the 1000 Mile continuity, after finding out about Andrias’ plans to conquer Earth, you race to help your friends as the events of True Colors play out, with your interference altering the Calamity Trio’s destinies, for better and for worse.

 

CW: Blood, intense scenes of violence and peril

Anne: Feeling Pretty

You accompany Anne to the mall on a wardrobe overhaul trip to mark the completion of her transition!

Anne: Safe and Sound

After a mishap at ShopCo, another attack by the stealth bot, and a vicious verbal confrontation with Andrias, Anne breaks down at the enormity of the task before her. Thankfully she has you to help her through it.

The Calamity Trio: A Break

After a long hellish week at work, you and Marcy decide to surprise your girlfriends with a nice big home cooked meal, music and wine. Too bad neither of you are very good at cooking…

Marcy: Block

Part of the 1000 Mile Continuity. Marcy has moved back to LA and although her webcomic has been a massive success, that success comes with lots of stress and a very demanding schedule especially when Marcy comes down with artist’s block.

Marcy: Trauma

Part of the 1000 Mile continuity. While helping Marcy shop for D&D miniatures and board games, her PTSD gets triggered and she runs off, leading to you having to help her through her panic attack as she relives some painful memories

CW: blood, canon typical violence and depictions of PTSD and panic attacks

Anne: Envious

A new Anne x reader continuity! Anne is caught up in an intense bout of fieldwork, which means a lot of early mornings and late nights. This wouldn’t normally cause any issues, but your budding friendship with your new neighbor leaves her feeling inadequate and more than a little jealous.

 

Anne: Movie Night

A suggestion from my friend Superfan44! Set immediately after Battle Of The Bands, your time in Wartwood is drawing to a close. As part of one last hurrah with the townsfolk, you and Anne decide to show a movie to them in the hopes of bringing back fond memories. Unintentionally sowing the seeds for new ones in the process.

[fernsnailz]

(Re-ask since I needed to add something) Your art's badass! Where and when did you learn your stuff? Any tips? (Mainly coloring) - aspiring artist

thank you so much! i’ve been drawing for a very long time so a lot of what i’ve learned has been from extensive trial and error, but the best source of learning has always been from friends and other artists. i studied animation in college, but i learned more from my peers than all of my professors combined. the best advice i can give is find other people that inspire you and learn from them, whether it be by getting advice from them directly (like you’re doing now lol) or by observing their work.

i honestly don’t have that much advice on coloring since my process is usually just “fuck around and find out.” the tool that helps me the most is the Hue/Saturation Slider - if you’re having trouble with a specific color on a character, you can really easily change it in digital drawing programs by selecting the color with the Magic Wand and then hitting Ctrl U (or Command U on mac). this will bring up the Hue/Saturation Slider, and you can just mess with the sliders until the color feels cohesive with the rest of the character.

there’s a lot of excellent coloring tutorials online that can help you much more than i can, i learned the hue and saturation slider trick from this video! it focuses mostly on character colors for animation, but still has some good coloring tips. sometimes it also helps to use pre-made color palettes, i use the coolers.co site to make or find palettes i like.

last bit of advice i can give is to just collect things and memories that inspire you. it can be anything - i have a record i found at a thrift store that's reminiscent of a lot of the shapes i use in my art. i listen to a lot of drum & bass music when i'm drawing intense scenes. whenever i feel stuck, i take a break and look at the trees around my house. art does not exist in a vacuum - it exists from what you know and what you've experienced. take your time to learn, and take time to experiment and explore :]

[cattyanon]

He's finally here... Scrapnik Sonic!

(Make sure to read my notes at the end! Or at the very least the last one...)

Undamaged Version

Scrapnik Version

To get something pretty obvious out of the way but that I want to clarify for peace of mind: these are two different drawings so they won't be exactly the same in places. Anyways on to the design notes!

Design Notes

One of my first worries was about the size of certain parts. But then I remembered/realized that these are literally a bunch of scrap parts. They could've been scrapped for any number of reasons. Maybe something just came out wrong.

Now you're probably wondering what's up with that one ear, side of the muzzle, and small rectangular spot on the head. Well heres the final part of Sigma's Theory... It's actually non-robotic parts. That's right, the robotcizing process didn't 100% complete! More info on this in the general notes.

For the drill foot theres actually three things I want to say. First is that Sigma actually filed (ik theres a better word I just can't think of it) down the end of the drill to make it more flat. Second is that the covered up part on the leg is cause two of the ball points were damaged and didn't connect right so they had to improvise. Third is actually the second of my worries. This was about why Sigma would use something like a drill (or wheel) as a makeshift leg and not something more actually flat. But I eventually realized some reasons as to why. It's the fact that parts are limited and that the two sides need to be as even as possible. It might take getting used to but it's better than having to walk somewhat sideways.

The bit of metal on the chest is due to a hole.

While I'm still not entirely happy with the gear it's much better compared to my first attempts...

The thumb is a bit damaged but it still mostly works.

You can probably work out most of the colors yourself but I will say that the lines at the tip of his legs are white. Well technically they're silver and more metallic but whatever.

DOING THE EYES WAS AGONY. But not for reasons you may think. You might've assumed that I just had trouble with drawing the eyes but no no no. It's a fucking design choice I made. I tried to give his eyes a slightly sharper edge to them while still mostly retaining it's original shape. And then I had to do it 3 more times. ;-; I am not going to be applying that to future drawings. Since these are his ref sheets they get special treatment but I'm not subjecting myself to that hell and I reccomend yall do the same. It's not worth it, trust me.

I debated also making a different side view for his face before posting but you guys have waited long enough. I appreciate the patience btw.

Shoutout to @boom-fanfic-a-latta and their friends with helping out with the design process!!! Specifically with the claw hand idea! <3

And finally, the front of the ear. With the scar somewhat visible depending on which version you're doing:

General Notes

If you guessed the reference to be to the makeshift brace Sonic gets in the comic then you've guessed correctly! I just thought it'd be a neat little nod to it...

So some essential about the non-robotic parts. Those parts don't feel pain. At most it'll cause him a feeling of intense pressure and immense discomfort (the amount he feels increases the worse the injury) but that's it. The pressure thing also applies to any form of touch.

Speaking of feeling things, his sense of touch is very lacking. This especially goes for parts that weren't originally a part of him. He can only feel a slight amount of pressure when he touches things. In fact the only reason hes able to feel anything at all is due to some coding that registers the touch. It's why the scrapnik parts are much more lacking in that area. Sigma did try his best though!!!

Sigma is really trying his best with Sonic. That's it, that's number four.

It might be kinda obvious but he has the most trouble adjusting to the drill foot and claw hand the most. Of course that's also on top of everything else. Poor Sonic.

Also did I mention how much he hates all of this? Because he does.

I know I kinda covered this already but he hates that everyone insists hes just some weird Metal Sonic prototype.

Theres definitely some tension between him and Mecha for a while. I'll probably make a post further detailing his relationships with characters on the island.

And for my final note, if you have any design questions or are confused by something I said dont be afraid to ask for clarification!

[rogdona]

Look man- just wanna say your art is literally gorgeous bro- It's very catchy and cool- but uh- that aside- I hope ya don't mind the question- but would ya mind giving some few tips on how to draw anatomy and how you color? because your art is so pleasing to look at- like bruh it's so pretty-

first of all THANK UUUUU!!!! im sososos happy u like my art!!!!!!!!!💕🌺🌷💕🌺🌷💕🌺🌷❤️♥️💕🌺🌷💕♥️❤️🌹🌹❤️♥️🌺💕!!!!!

i dont mind the question at all!! ill give u some tips on how i draw!!

BTW! these are just some tips ab what i do to draw the way i do, this is not an universal rule let alone mandatory!!

NOW ONTO THE STUFF U CAME FOR! under a read more so i dont clog ur dash bc i got kinda tecnical w some of it..! IT GOT WAY TOO LONG IM SORRY!!!

lets start with color then!! 🎨

i always see ppl saying that color theory is rlly hard and they never understand it, and tbh u dont need to learn it in depth at all!!

to make colors look good you need to think them as a group instead of choosing them individually...

though what i do is different, theres a post going around that says tinting all the colors w one brings the drawing together, and it does!! its a p good tip if u dont want to eyeball it like i do!!

but heres my process; lets say u have a sketch and an idea of what colors you want; your character is in a forest walking through the trees! what i do is choose background color and start from there

if you chose a cool color, when you start painting the rest of the picture drag the hue a little closer to blue or purple! if you chose a warm one, closer to yellow or red! if you want your drawing to have a greenish tint drag it closer to green or yellow! you get the gist of it, bring the colors closer! if theyre on opposite sides of the wheel it might be difficult, but usually bringing them closer to gray does a good job!!

also unless youre trying to get contrast on purpose, choosing colors w similar saturation(intensity!) helps unify the drawing!

say you want a drawing that is mostly grayish tones, make sure all your colors are desaturated (less intense, pigmented)

-

now say you have an existing character w a set color palette (we'll take my character elias as an example) and want to draw him in green and yellow or bright magenta and blue

i saw this explanation on a tiktok long ago but i literally cannot word it better and found it real useful

to translate the colors properly u need to think them on a scale, which ones are the darkest, lightest, and where does the rest sit?? Once you have that you can make ur own scale w the colors you want to use, and as long as the difference between the colors stay mostly the same u will be able to translate them p much to whatever!!

my drawing was done quickly so its not the best example but u get me

i think thats it for color now, but if i think of something else ill add it and tell u!!

now onto anatomy 🧍🧍‍♀️🧍‍♂️

and ill be honest w u here, i have no clue how i learned anatomy, let alone how to teach u but ill try my best here!!

and tbh, learning every bone, muscle, etc is smth rlly tedious to me so i cannot assist u there bc i dont know

ALSOO references are ur best buddy, use them!! even if its not the exact pose or angle ur wanting to draw it can help u visualize what u want and tell u what goes where!!

even if its not for the pose or angle, a skeleton can help u see how the body part works!! i look at animal skeleton legs all the time to help me draw my ocs!!!

but yeah!! i think anatomy is smth that u shouldnt take very seriously bc most of what gives personality to characters is exageration!! or made up parts!!

but like, if u want to know my way of drawing smth specific u can tell me!! i have no problem showing u how i do things!!

but since i wasnt very helpful when it comes to anatomy, im taking the liberty of adding an extra bullet point to the post

composition!! 🌇🌃🌆🏙️

composition is the way you show the image, how you place things in your drawing!!

in school they make us take audio-visual production classes, which truly isnt as interesting as it sounds but they taught us some p cool photography tips that also apply to drawings!!

one of them is the rule of thirds! basically, you divide the canvas in 9 equal parts, and the places where the lines join are the places where the eyes are most drawn to!! heres an example i found on the internet

so if you place something on those spots it will get the attention, bc the brain is used to the focus being on the center so taking it out of there makes u want to look why (or at least thats the explanation they gave me!)

also, to draw even more attention to those spots u can make a visual path that leads there!! here some crude examples by yours truly

the first one traces a path up to his head, the second one all start from there outwards

they also gave us tips for cropping images though these dont rlly matter that much, but like for example it looks better if u dont crop it at the joints, and if a character is looking somewhere you should leave some space in the direction they are looking to! heres some doodles to show u what i mean

i used to have a document full of things like that for photography but i cant find it rn, if i do ill tell u!!

moving onto the final thing, this is not quite a composition thing but rather something to give characters more personality: make them interact w their enviroment!

rather than standing looking at the camera make them use, touch, see whats around them, even if u draw them in a blank space the way they take it up shows u a lot ab them

for ex, if theres a wall they can lean on it, if theres a window they can be looking through it(maybe u can see them from the outside! framing inside framing was also smth that they taught us in that class!) if theyre standing they can be fixing their sleeves, holding their hands behind their back, tucking a strand of hair behind their ear, scratching their neck, etc!

AND YEAH!! thats what i keep in thought when i draw!! i hope u find it at least a little useful or interesting ahdhjska ill admit i got a little carried away but i love drawing and these are topics that interest me

ty for the ask!!! 💕 👋

[uncannyalien]

Artists are crazy [a long text post]

Like how are people able to make art so quickly? How are they able to crank out full line work and coloring and shading and highlights and add textures and little details and also make it look amazing and it's done so quickly??

How the hell do people make art on a daily basis? How do they have the skill or even the time to do so?

I can't draw to save my life and it takes me at least a week just to make a reference for my characters. Do you know how many times I have to redraw a single line?? And it's for every single line???

And yet I'm surrounded by amazing artists who can whip up entire comic strips, people who can fully design a character in a matter of hours, people who have a fully developed art style and you can tell their art is theirs

And I'm digital! Digital art makes things incredibly easier! How do people make physical art like it's nothing???

How is someone able to make a doodle, a simple sketch of lines, and it's better than anything I ever have, can, or will create?

Why did I get stuck with the wrong media? I love creating but why did I not get the amazing art skills? I understand its through years of practice but it's still difficult

You have to understand how a creature looks and scenery and making sure everything is proportionate and looks good, and then you BREAK THOSE RULES? And it still looks amazing??

And visual media is given so much of an advantage in our society. It's true when someone says a picture paints a thousand words, bc you can still feel intense emotions and joy and heartbreak from a singular image. The image the creator wants is given to you, you don't have to put it together using words.

Who reads massive chunks of text anymore? Who reads books anymore? Why do I bother with a medium that is forgotten and dropped by the wayside? Did anyone even read this far? Or did they just see a wall of text and move on?

Art is quick to process while still holding emotions, you're able to completely understand the vibe through pictures. And it makes you grow much quicker. Everyone follows artists and creators, everyone cannot wait for the next comic update or for a silly doodle someone made on a napkin. Who follows writers? Who even bothers?

Who waits for a bunch of words to be thrown at them? There has to be something I'm doing wrong, as even big fics get art. That's how you know you've made it and your work is worth anything, when other creators come in and make something better than you ever will. That's how all the big fics even get found, through art.

So why do I bother?

[morvantmortuary]

Hi, Rae! I hope this finds you well 😊

That's a fun list of WIPs you've shared, and if you're willing to share some more - I'd love to hear about 'light the sky and hold on tight'. Cheers!

nora darling!!! <3 thanks so much for taking the time to ask. I hope you're doing well too :D <3 I appreciate your patience, work has been busier today than normal lmao

so "light the sky and hold on tight" is a rora request with a he/him reader that's thisclose to done, I just have a couple scenes left to tie off. I really like it so far, it's one where we kind of get an insight into some of her thought process behind her background scheming. here's a snippet from what I have so far:

--

This was calculated - your brain was already shorting out just a little from the contact and the smell of her sweetly floral perfume (magnolia, jasmine, and white sandalwood - you’d looked it up one night when you couldn’t sleep for it driving you insane). It wasn’t that her sweetness or affection was a mask, per se. Quite the contrary, you knew they were as real as anything.

Realer than lots of things, in just how intense they could be sometimes.

But this was an unspoken appeal, and you couldn’t help the quiet, curious voice at the back of your brain even as she made it fuzz over. “Did you…” you blinked, trying to re-focus on her face rather than the low neckline of her dark dress at your seated eye level. “Need something, love?” She’d chosen to stay with you at your place today, insisting she needed a break from the Mortuary. But she’d been oddly unsettled all morning, flitting restlessly from room to room when she thought you weren’t looking. You’d thought at first that was because she’d only brought a skeleton kit of her usual tools for her project in progress, but you wondered now if it wasn’t something else.

“…Well,” Rora demurred, glancing askance. That meant ‘yes,’ but she was trying to be polite. “Only if I’m not taking you from anything urgent, sweet pea.” She glanced over your shoulder at your monitor again, as if to check for herself.

“No,” you shook your head, drawing her attention back to you. You lifted your hands to gently pull hers from your hair, kissing the backs of her palms before loosely holding them in your own. “What’s up?”

Rora’s smile softened at your affection, and for the briefest second, you saw her look away again - as if for a moment, she was hesitating. “I hate to ask,” she began, her teeth catching at her lush lower lip. “But I need a ride.”

“Sure,” you said immediately, still fiddling with her fingers in your own as you swiveled slightly from side to side in your office chair. “Into town? Did you need to grab something for the, uh,” you paused, trying to remember what you’d seen her working on this morning. “…Possum in a tutu?”

“No,” Rora shook her head with another smile. “Mademoiselle Paulette’s almost done, she just has a final string of pearls waiting for her at home.”

“Of course,” you nodded, your face mock serious. “As every sophisticated possum must have this season.”

Rora giggled, and you couldn’t help but grin — you loved that sound. You’d do anything to hear that sound. Maybe even fight a bear. An undead bear. “Silly, handsome boy.” She reached up with a finger, gently booping your nose, and you felt your face flood with heat. “You’re delightful, you know that?”

“Yeah, well…” you trailed off, unable to come up with a retort as you gazed into her eyes. You knew the green like the color of your own bedroom walls, by now, but that didn’t mean that you couldn’t still get lost in them — dark, like the mossy entrance of a cave. Sometimes, if you looked too long, you felt a slight tug somewhere inside your gut.

Like Orpheus standing at the threshold, descending to search for Eurydice.

“Little Shoot?” Rora tilted her head to look at you, and you snapped back to reality. “You still with me?”

“Yup!” You nodded too quickly. “Yeah, sorry, just, uh. Work brain.” You blinked, fighting the urge to shake your head. “…Where did you need to go?” you asked. You realized she’d never told you. Or hadn’t told you yet, you corrected yourself. …Right?

Rora’s smile thinned, and for the briefest second, it whittled itself into something oddly curved and sharp. “It’s not far,” she said, the smile vanishing and her eyes widening innocently quick enough to feel like whiplash. “And what I need will only take a few minutes, I promise.”

“Sure, no worries,” you nodded, feeling your own head tilt just slightly. “I’m done with this, and I don’t have anything else to do today.” You shrugged, and, briefly, something felt a little… odd, when you tried to smile. “Did you want to grab dinner or something afterwards?”

“Hmm.” The tip of Rora’s tongue darted out, running over her lips. “We’ll see how you feel after my little errand, first. Okay?”

“…Sure, Ror,” you said again, your smile feeling even stranger now. “Whatever works, we have all evening.”

“You’re so agreeable,” Rora cooed, ruffling your hair affectionately before kissing your forehead. “My strong little succulent, so sweet.” And just like that, she turned, her hair a fragrant black veil flowing behind her. “I’m just going to get my scarf and some things, and then I’ll be ready!” she sing-songed.

You blinked again as if emerging from a daze, one of your hands reaching up to check and see if she’d left a soft pink lipstick stain on your forehead.

Your fingers came away from your skin looking like they’d crushed a rose petal. You sat there, wondering just why it felt like your true love was being a little too vague about this… errand, and absently rubbed them against your thumb without noticing you were smearing the pink even further.

--

our girl is always up to something <3 I'm really looking forward to sharing this one when it's ready, it's probably one of my favorite things I've written for her so far.

thanks again for taking the time, babe, I really appreciate it! <3

[dzpenumbra]

8/8/23

I was a bit worried last night that I put too much color into the deer drawing on my pants. Man... there's something so scary about working in a permanent medium on a one-of-a-kind surface. It's really hard to put into words.

It was much more intense when I was tattooing, but... that was a lifetime ago, honestly. I was much more okay with taking giant leaps of faith back then. Being... a bit naïve and reckless does have its perks. That sparks an interesting thought chain. This is such a huge trope of the human condition, younger people being willing to take risks and older people playing it safer and safer. It's obviously not a hard rule, but it's pretty all encompassing.

I guess it comes from this whole... knowledge thing. Ever since I took the time to actually read The Bible - okay, I'm gonna level, I barely made it through the entirety of Genesis, but if I'm being blunt? I think that's more than most people nowadays have actually read themselves rather than had "summed up" for them - I keep coming back to this allegory of the Garden of Eden. I really started to unpack it a few years back and compare it to sorta... our blossoming from childlike innocence into the horrors of adulthood. How life seems very idyllic and magical. Then we're tempted to eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge... That was the part that got me, the thing that triggered the exile from Paradise... was absorbing the byproduct of Knowledge... which is like... awareness, right? Then suddenly we're aware that we are naked and we get ashamed. And then God comes in and is like "what the fuck have you done, you did the one thing I told you not too..." and then Adam blames it on Eve and Eve blames it on a snake. End result? Exile, with angels guarding the gates with flaming swords. Aka... you ain't comin back. And they're sent off into the wasteland of the world, all dust and thorns and shit, planting seeds as they go. At least, that's the memory of the story that I have, it's admittedly been a very long time.

My point being... I feel like there are very few innate fears. Like... as children, we need to be taught what to fear. There are very few things that we just naturally are averse to, short of like... snakes... or spiders... or fire... shit like that. Even then... Anyway, the Paradise of the mind... Nirvana, in Buddhism, I would equate it to... is a place of free from the compulsive forces of Desire and Fear. And it really does feel like Eden is that state. That state of just... peacefully being. At least, in juxtaposition to what happens after the fruit is consumed. But the difference here is that we still live in the same world we did when we didn't have fears, when we weren't aware of the horrors of this planet. Before we learned about murder, or school shootings, or horrible diseases, or the Holocaust, shit like that. We're still in Eden... we just... can't go back. You can't go back to blissful unawareness (lack of Knowledge), short of some kind of severe brain damage. (well... Buddhism kinda teaches that actually... you can... through releasing attachment... but that's another story.)

So yeah, this whole parable (at least the purpose I'm using it to illustrate) is to demonstrate how the more you learn about life, about the world, about people, about nature... the more it invites fear and desire. In my experience, and in all of my observed experiences of others, too... The more you see sickness and death and it starts actually resonating with you, the more you are aware of and fear your own mortality. And that fear can start affecting your everyday decisions - especially when it's not processed in healthy ways... or... at all.

In this case, I used to be more comfortable taking gigantic leaps. Volunteering to be the first person in my shop to tattoo someone for the first time. A stranger I had met the day prior. Doing circles and straight lines. Talk about scary. But I did it fine. Now? Now I got spooked just putting a fabric pen on a pair of cargo shorts. Because those are my shorts. They mean a lot to me. I don't see them as replaceable. I learned that one small move, one oversight, can "ruin" an entire piece. And I was really anxious about that piece for a good chunk of last night.

Today? Dude, it looks sick. It really does. I was being so goddamn gentle with that fabric pen. I was like... dry-brushing every pen stroke, which is just kinda silly. I just saw an opportunity to do a huge variance in value that I wasn't expecting, and I tried to take advantage of it. I tried to be as light as possible, and then go in and add more and more to fill it in. Welp... I did exactly that. And I ended up reinking the same area like 4 times with the same exact color which is kinda silly... But the end result is fucking sick. I think it's mostly done.

It's funny because most of that super light drybrush texture is completely gone. I guess I was expecting the ink to flow much faster, to act more like... ink. To soak into the fabric. But it really didn't do that so much, unless I let it really pool by going over the same area too many times, which did happen and was not good, but I did recover from gracefully.

So... I'm frustrated that I can't just make myself do something scary like this, the way I used to. For instance... my black pants. I decided I might as well just get a Sharpie and go nuts on those pants. Maybe add in watered down fabric paint after to see if I can get more permanence without the kinda screen-print caking quality, because Sharpie does wash out. But I haven't been able to get myself to just sit down and start improvising in ink or paint.

I started with permanent ink on clothes and skin. No sketches, no ideas, just doodling and improvising. That was where my art really started. In the margins of my school notebooks and in markers and pen all over my clothes and skin. And it's like... over the past decade+, I've unlearned how to do that. It feels like I'm going to "ruin" something. Like I've built up all this pressure to make something "good". Like "I've been making art for blah blah years, it's gotta meet a certain standard" or whatever. Good lord. I can't even remember the last time I made a "bad" piece. Because it doesn't fucking exist.

It blows my mind how I can actually go through life with these paradoxes running through my head. I don't believe there's really such a thing as a "mistake" in art or music; but I am scared to "fuck up". I want nothing more than to have new people in my life; but I'm scared to meet them and find ways to talk myself out of it. There is so much goddamn inner conflict. For what purpose? To keep me "safe"? It is doing more consistent crippling damage to me than anything else in my life has. Acute events have caused damage, don't get me wrong, but this inner conflict is just... constant. It never ends. It's just a matter of who's winning at that time.

Today was a depressed day. I woke up depressed, I went back to sleep depressed, I woke up depressed again. I made tea depressed, I made a grocery list depressed, I did yoga depressed. Yoga, again... it helped. Doing a guided one actually helped quite a bit, and I did one where I really pushed myself today, for a full hour. It was a lot, but it was worth it. It helped pull me out of my funk. But it's still lingering, to be honest.

But from the depression, I managed to take leaps and just start layering ink into the fabric today. I worked on it for a while. It has much more body, more presence. Before, it was sorta just the head that was fully inked and the body kinda faded out. Now, the full neck is very present. There's even some fur texture. I didn't add a ton of contrast in the fur, I could really make it pop, but I'm not sure it's necessary. And I kinda faded it out towards the shoulder and arch of the back. It looks sick, honestly. It looks like a painting. So, in the end, I'm pleased. I'm super curious to see how a machine wash treats this shit though... I'm well prepared for this to be gone in a week. Don't worry, I'll take some pictures first.

I started to prep for another piece, too. I've been wanting to carve a memorial piece for my pets for a long time. I have had a walking stick/staff that was cut from a fallen branch of an oak tree that grew through the porch of my old home. It was some funky construction thing where they decided to build a porch around the tree... weird decision, but it was definitely unique. The branch, being about an inch diameter of solid oak, is sturdy as fuck. It's lasted me... god, I don't even know anymore... probably close to 10 years? It's gone so many places with me. It's honestly one of my most precious possessions. And, to this day, it has never been carved, decorated, finished, nothing. It has a natural shine to it from years and years of aging and skin oils.

It's really a lot of pressure to alter something that's... been a staple in your life for so long. The reflex in cases like this is always "change = risk = bad", and I feel like I'm just trying to be protective. Yeah, like I was "protective" of my dog by not taking her on walks so she wouldn't get treated like a monster by unfair tourist hikers, and she'd just laze around until she gained a lot of weight and her hips started to atrophy. That's not protection, that's fear. That's not having a plan, I guess. Ugh, it's still messy, but I do know that avoidance of shit like that is just not healthy. In this case, avoiding such a powerfully sentimental piece is just me being afraid of "fucking up" something very special, and very one-of-a-kind. And to that, I again say... "there is no fucking up".

Today, I gathered rough measurements and started planning out what is going to be on the staff. I was inspired when I woke up this morning and I managed to capture it. I like the idea of using non-traditional lettering and glyphs and symbols and shit. I like how alien and arcane and cryptic it looks. But I hate how... nonsensical it can be. Like just putting Japanese Kanji on something just to appear different, for no real... purpose. It's nothing against it, I just... lately I've really been trying to have every piece of my work really have a deliberate purpose... and the lettering/symbology feels like it should be there... you know... to look cool and cryptic. But I want it to actually serve a practical purpose. And this morning I cracked that code. IPA. International Phonetic Alphabet.

it's been rattling around in my head for a while now. If you want to learn how to pronounce shit properly, IPA is where it's at. I got into learning IPA for a bit, it's super fucking interesting and god damn is it a rabbit-hole, but it's been a long time. My idea was to have sections in the staff where I carved my dog and cat's names and their nicknames that I called them - all spelled in IPA. It definitely looks outlandish. There's one of those ae characters, theres upside down r's, there's an omega symbol for some reason? It's pretty cool, and actually serves a purpose, it communicates in the most detail possible how to pronounce those names the way they were pronounced. And since we're still in Latin script, I figured why not Roman Numerals for their death dates. Which actually came out pretty cool - VI VI MMXXII, and II III MMXXIII. I was thinking of doing it width-wise, wrapping around the top of the staff. There are a few different spots where I grip the staff normally, one about 1/3 of the staff down, one near the top if I'm using it from a distance or doing a reverse grip, and one around 1/3 from the bottom if I'm doing an overhand grip. I think there should be room between the top grip and my normal grip spot. I just have to... wait for it... figure out font shit. XD

Yep, as I'm sitting here shitting myself about turning down a fucking paid gig... because it's all text shit and I just don't do text... Here I am planning a piece that is entirely text. Welp... sorry "former friend"... I actually care about this piece, more than most things in life. And... I don't really care about your logo for your welding company. Sorry... Literally any graphic designer could make your idea.

So yeah, that's been a bit emotionally heavy, but good planning work to do. But I'm still stuck in this career existential crisis shit. And it's really hard to get out of it. I really really really want to believe that the people who are able to do what they are trained in and passionate about didn't "make it" it because they "earned their keep" working shitty service jobs... they are able to do it because they are good. Because they refined their skills, they put in tremendous amounts of time and work, and their skills and talents were noticed. Plain and simple. I have no idea how working as a dishwasher at a gastropub is going to do anything but keep my lights on and suck up 3/4 of my day and life-energy. For some people? That's more than enough purpose and direction in life. For me? When I think about that work, I don't think about how difficult the work will be. I don't think about how much (or little) I'm getting paid. I don't think about how much it sucks that I'll be there instead of out partying with my friends. I think about how I'm wasting my valuable time on this planet, and valuable energy and manual labor skills... washing dishes for some guy who barely sets foot in his restaurant. Doing mindless, passionless labor. Like a meat-machine. Like an organic lump of flesh that is being repurposed as a dishwasher. Just... buy a fucking dishwasher. It makes no sense to me. I feel like putting me in a job like that is like using a smartphone exclusively as a notepad. Which is about par for the course as far as contemporary western culture's wastefulness goes.

Again, I dread losing what I have now. Creative freedom. Time and space in my life to devote myself fully to my craft. And, I swear... I don't even take time for myself anymore. I barely even play video games anymore. I started playing roguelites to deliberately limit my video game time because I'd start to get antsy and eager to get to work.

The only thing I want is to find a way to pay my rent doing what I'm already doing. Doing this journal. Doing my clothing art. Doing my jewelry. Doing my grip tape art. Doing my abstract ink designs. Doing my live music visualizer sets. Doing my weird concept pieces - like The Path, or Duality, or the project I came up with a few years ago that was basically a room scientifically designed to elicit anxiety attacks. And tarot readings would be cool. And I'd like to do illustrations for my poetry book, which is going to take a lifetime. And maybe some more animation stuff, because that was really fun. And that's just the ideas I have right now. How the fuck am I going to do all of that if my day is comprised of getting up, showering, walking to work, standing there for 8 hours, walking home, working for maybe an hour or two tops? Dinner, journal, sleep, repeat.

I'm fucking 36. Are people really going to look at me after investing 10+ years into this... with it glaringly obvious that this is what I do. This is what I've always done, since I was a kid! And tell me... I should throw it all away... and go be a laborer for someone who would literally hire anyone. And this... this is how a functional society works... not a desperate society? You really want to say we're in a functional society when we have skilled artisans working in unskilled labor positions? Just to keep the lights on?

I want to think that people "make it" (not fame, not fortune, making it in the sense of just being a fucking artist and not waiting tables half your life) by their dedication to their craft. You only get good at something by putting in the hours. I am only good at drawing because I have drawn a fucking ton. I am only good at guitar because I have played a fucking ton. There are ways of optimizing that path, sure, and shortcuts along the way... yeah... that's the point of education... But the only way to greatness is by devoting yourself to your craft. Every minute you have. And it's really fucking hard to do that when you're chained to a cash register for 3/4 of your waking life.

There are tons of people who have it harder than me. There are tons of people who have it harder than them. We can play that game all day, it's a great tactic people use to talk you out of pursuing your passions. My full-time goal right now is to just find a fucking way to get money coming in using my existing passions. And I have so fucking many.

Good lord, okay I'm sure I've ranted about this before but since today is a depression day this shit has been running through my head all day and I really need to get it out... I have no problem working a job that's not related directly to my art. That's the great part about being a multidisciplinary artist - my art goes to my interests. My art is kinda... my way of translating my experience, what interests me, what resonates with me... like a snapshot of what is fascinating me and what I'm learning about life at that stage in my life. Rewind like 10 years ago and there's a lot of kinda horror-inspired stuff, some sci-fi inspired stuff, tattoo-style stuff. Now? Lots of nature inspired, plant inspired, organic, hand-made, that kinda shit. There's a very resonant theme of Life and Nature running through a lot of my work right now, but also... history? Kinda? and evolution? And there are tons of opportunities for that to overlap with other fields.

Like... I'd love to work in local archaeology/anthropology/history. Good lord would that be cool. And that work, it would double as research that would absolutely inspire my art. Digging up old Revolutionary War ruins? Are you kidding me? Just think of the art phase that would come out of that. A slice of life from that time period. There's so much shit. Or... I could work at an occult store, that'd be sick. Learn more about ancient and contemporary spirituality. Or... what I've been thinking lately is... working at an antique store. Holy shit would I love that. I'd love to learn more techniques to clean up and restore old antiques without damaging them, ideally using non-harmful organic methods. Or even fashioning replacement parts in the style they were originally made, shit like that. I think my art skillset would have a lot of use to people, and my passion for history and stories and the character of personal possessions... it would be a great match.

But if some motherfucker chained me to a desk at a graphic design studio where I'm just staring longingly out the window all day while mindlessly making logos for the next trendy cafe or microbrew... with as much creative freedom as a boy band star... I'd rather use that chain to hang myself. Well, that's a bit melodramatic... I'd probably use it to bust the window, rappel down the side of the building and never go back. Live in the woods and eat berries or some shit.

So... what really gets my fuckin goat... is when I ask for help finding a way to make this whole "life" thing work... (aka get my parents out of the picture for good because good lord...) No one ever helps with the process of bringing it to the next level. They're just like... "well, you might have to do something you don't like for a while until your art magically grows fucking legs and walks downtown and finds buyers and starts to sell itself." And that's a really fucking generous way of saying "you might have to give up and not have any plan for your art".

So... what's holding me back? Seems like I've got quite a few options there, right? That's not even counting the interest in permaculture and trailwork and animals and shit... What's the problem? Let me tell you. I haven't worked a job outside of freelance shit and streaming since... welp, I think we're over the 10 year mark now. And since I wasn't really garnering a lot of sales there... I don't really have a lot to show for it.

I did 3 years of tattoo design and portrait commissions and streaming. Then I got together with my ex, right when I was calling it with my streaming thing. I went all-in on the super-toxic relationship and then started getting really physically sick and my mental health went straight to hell. Then I did the "smart thing" and went to the local counseling center and got misdiagnosed with epilepsy and a whole bunch of different psych disorders I don't have, and got prescribed every fucking med under the sun, which ended up landing me in the fucking hospital several times. That went on for 2 years. Then I finally grew the balls to leave the relationship in 2018. Then I got off the final cocktail of meds in late 2019. Then... the pandemic. Now... here I am.

So... I don't have a resume. My entire resume is fucking streaming, doing design commissions for people who didn't pay me, and volunteering for shit. Oh, I forgot to mention, I gave my ex all the money I made from streaming to pay off her debt. And she cheated on me for it. What a classy move.

Okay, enough venting on that. I swear I had a point and didn't relive this shit for nothing. Point being... it's really goddamn motherfucking hard to like... put this on paper. Because.... you know people are going to ask questions. And if you know me... which, if you've read this far... you have a good idea of how I communicate. I want so badly to connect with people, and try so hard to allow that gate to stay open... that I legit will talk about all of this in a job interview. And I have. I will 100% just start talking like I normally fucking talk to a potential employer. Because why the fuck would I want them to think I'm a different person than I am?! That's just borrowed time, that's just begging to be fired the second you start actually acting like yourself. And... yeah. It's really really hard to "account for gaps" - which is fucking prying into my personal life, man... Good lord, I could've lost my house in a flood and been homeless for 3 years, you don't fucking know. And who the fuck cares?! Why is it any employer's business why I was missing like 3 years of work when I was paying a counseling center to put me through human medical trials. And I have to relive that shit... relive my trauma... in front of a complete stranger... who holds my fate in their hands... for a job that I don't even really want but kinda just need so I can do what I really want to do...

And then I look over at the option of just... not going through that traumatic mess of an interrogation... and just putting that work and emotion into making more art. Seems like a healthier way to use my time, and working towards my actual life-goals, too...

The other component? I have no references. My only healthy social contacts since 2018 have been mental health professionals. Tell me that looks good on a resume... Reference - my therapist. The rest of my friends turned out to be self-absorbed shitbags. Like the guy who called me the other day and said he "liked my style", but didn't really seem to give a fuck about me as a person whatsoever... despite me being one of his groomsmen at his wedding... And don't even get me started on my family...

So... no work history outside of "take my word for it"... and no social references outside of mental health care providers. You really wanna tell me I'm getting a job without someone personally walking in there and vouching for me? You really think that's how this works?

Personal recommendations bypass this process entirely.

My reflexes that seek help on this are protecting me from reliving years of trauma, and humiliating myself in front of a complete stranger... who most likely will not give me the job, given my credentials. And for some fucking reason, whenever I explain this succinctly? People just don't fucking get it. They think I'm just going through bog-standard interview anxiety. Bro, I would rather get on stage at an open mic night and sing the BeeGees in falsetto in my underwear than go to that job interview and have to explain how I had chemicals force-fed to me for years because I was too fucking blind to see I was stuck in super toxic and abusive relationships that were so bad that the internalized stress was causing lasting physical injuries.

So... yeah... when I go on Google Maps and find a really intriguing looking antique store that's a 5 mile skate away... I'm not just thinking about how hard it would be to get to that job in the winter... I'm not just thinking about how it might be weird for older people (who tend to run places like that) to work with someone younger than them... I'm not just thinking about how they probably aren't hiring at all, because places like that tend to have very low staff turnover... I'm thinking about having to explain myself. To sit before the fucking jury and relive my past that completely and unapologetically fucked up the trajectory of my entire life... all for a job that I most likely won't get... in a field I don't even really want to get into.

I'm gonna get a drink, clear my stress a bit and then come back and wrap this up. That was a lot.

Welp, I'll be honest... it does feel good to get that out. What I've been feeling, what I am a living example of... is sorta a micro-scale version of the death of community. I think it's been happening at a macro-scale, too. My version is obviously much more dramatic. I mean, if 50% of a community stops interacting with and trusting each other, or turns against each other, that's one thing... but 50% of your social circle? If half of your friends/family just... turned toxic or refused to be involved in your life? I... unfortunately... got the Royal Flush of communal death. I lost it all. And it really feels like the only ones that are coming back into my life are like fucking vultures trying to pick my goddamn corpse. I'm just really glad I can see it so clearly now, where years ago I would've been completely blind to it, just doe-eyed and so damn blissfully overwhelmed by how amazing it was that someone wanted to talk to me! -_-

And, as I wrote last night... the thing with deeply struggling with approaching people, taking the initiative and making the first move. I am deeply aware that I am devoid of a community of any sort. The only people who like my Instagram posts are a chick who liked my voice when I streamed, who is too busy with her kid and her retail job to hang out anymore... the guy who I was best man for, who I flew across half the continent to visit in-person for his wedding, who deep-sixed our friendship because he didn't want to retweet my fucking go-live tweets when I was streaming, or visit my streams so I had an actual viewer count... And an old family friend who is really nice and accomplished, but like... I barely know... and I really don't want to be associated with my family...

So... I know that I have to rebuild my personal community from scratch. And I know that this is critical for my personal and my professional life. There's a fuck-ton of weight on it. So... not only am I deeply out of practice with social graces from being in extreme isolation for 4 years... but it's also incredibly crucial to my success and health, and the building of a new life. And I have to do it alone.

If I were to get help with any social thing in my entire life... I mean... when am I going to need that help more? I don't know, I guess if I needed to go to court and testify, or if I had lost a romantic partner or something. I just... I often get really bitter about how... for some reason... I just... don't get help with this. I just don't get introductions made.

But... when I start getting upset at nameless people... and doing the whole "life isn't fair" thing... I'm not self-punishing here... I want to point out that this is an indicator that I'm... struggling to process that... I'm angry at a void of where people used to be. I'm not even angry at "people". Sure, I'm angry at the people who used to call themselves friends and family just... outright refusing to help me with shit like this and straight up screaming at me for it like I asked them to steal a car for me or something. But when I start to go "why isn't anyone helping me right now..." "why don't I get help with this right now..." "why doesn't someone introduce me or recommend my shit to a gallery right now..." It's because there's no one there. I'm shaking my fist at an empty room. And that's a tough one to process, it feels very sad and empty, but it's really important to process it.

This is just... where I am. These are the cards I have been dealt. And honestly, I'm better off for it. It's better to have to go out and do really scary social anxiety fear-of-rejection-at-extremely-high-stakes shit... than to put my trust and faith into the hands of people who are bleeding me dry and treating me like garbage. Who weren't even helping me anyway. Who don't even support or believe in me. It's quiet, and empty, and I often find myself shaking my fist at the empty room like 2 paragraphs ago... but in the end... sad as it may sound... it's better than it was. This is an upgrade. And I have no regrets.

So... I need to work on my ability to approach people and introduce myself. And... I was thinking today that I might start introducing myself as... a hybrid of my art/streaming name and my real name. Using my art name as a last name, and dropping my family name entirely. And just using that as like... a performing name. An alias, like a writer would have. I don't know. It's a thought.

But yeah, I need to come up with ways to practice approaching people. Ways that are different from my current thing at the skatepark because that shit isn't working. It's good for other reasons, but it's not great for social purposes. So... I'll just keep brainstorming that.

Alright. This was a lot. I'm gonna go shower and head to bed. Glad I got a goal and direction out of this, though. Makes it all worth it.