#these things that i’m talking about have never been to deliberately hurt me

[justinefrischmanngf]

people tend to compliment me when they’re apologising to me and like i appreciate their apologies and it’s sweet of them to compliment me, but it’s also just like, i don’t want to be the bigger person here. i don’t want to be like yeah great i have this skill and you don’t and because you don’t you’ve hurt me but awesome! i’ve got it! like idk i’m just feeling very petty and sad and full of Emotion and i’ll get over it but idk. i have this real desire to be so cruel and i won’t act on it but idk it’s this horrible part of me that wants to be like well fuck it EYE want to be the one fucking up and hurting people and making things complicated !!!!!!! and that’s not ok!

[calamitydaze]

long tag ramble below u have been warned

[lewdmommie]

Just friends

Summary: can y/n manage being just friends?

Word count: 7.k

🎀Warning🎀:18+NSFW, oral sex, language, fluff, angst, violence, gore, sexual content,panic attack etc

(Like, comment, reblog for part four💗)

This is part 3 of one night stand

Part 1

Part 2

“We need to talk about yesterday.” You state firmly. Your tone was completely different from your usual lighthearted and funny personality. König and Ghost have quite literally seen you crack a joke in the middle of open gunfire. This was uncharted territory for them, whatever you were about to say had to be important. You take a deep breath, thinking of your next words carefully. The last thing you wanted was to hurt anyone again…especially König.

“Spit it out rookie.” Ghost says annoyed.

“Oh god how do I even say this…I feel something…something I can’t explain when I’m with you.” You look at König, he shifts nervously under your gaze.

“And with you.” Your head turns to face Ghost, staring into those glimmering obsidian eyes. He breaks eye contact looking far off into the distance without a word.

“I don’t know what it means but I know it’s something I can’t ignore.” Your brow scrunches as you choke the words out.

“I want to get to know you both and I’m here to ask for that opportunity. I’m here to ask you to be my friends. No titles. No rankings. No romance. Just…friends.” Your teeth nibble at your lower lip waiting for someone else to talk. It was nerve racking not being able to read their facial expressions. Their body language didn’t give much away either, you shift on your heels.

“That’s what you barged in here to ask for… friendship?” He slowly rises from his desk glaring in your direction.

“Well…yeah” Your voice is low.

“Do you really think friendship can fix everything?” Königs voice is dark, he speaks the word friendship as if it was something rancid on his tongue.

“I’m not saying it can I just…” you explain.

“I don’t need to be a part of whatever you two have going on. Leave. both of you.” Ghost barks.

“You seemed to be a part of it yesterday when you had your hands all over her.” König rasps, turning his killer gaze onto him. Ghost strides from behind the desk, his heavy footsteps fill the air as he takes slow deliberate steps forward. The tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife. A chill runs down your spine as you’re standing flush in between these skyscrapers. He stands tall looking König straight in the eyes, not even acknowledging your presence between them.

“I don’t like your tone colonel. I think you’d better change that.” His head tilts mockingly, sizing him up.

“I was just thinking the same thing about you sergeant.” He beams into him like white hot lasers.

“Hah, you’ve always been balsy König, could always count on you to get the job done. But I want you to remember something…you can beat them out there on that battlefield but here this is my territory and you won’t win.” He steps closer making sure he heard every word.

“Why don't we find out serg.” He says through clenched teeth. At this point you’re sure they have completely forgotten your existence . You plant your palms on ghosts chest pushing him back, he seemed to snap back to reality realizing you were still there.

“This isn’t the time or the place…no war within our army. Those are your words sergeant! As a leader you have to practice and enforce that as law. König I know you’re angry and have every right to be but last night was training and that’s all. I won’t keep repeating myself anymore, I get that it’s hard to trust but you’re going to have to try.” You scold.

“ Why do you care so much? How can you stand here and act like you know what I want. You don’t know anything. I’ve never given you the impression that-“ Simon rambles.

“I know it sounds stupid, crazy even, but I know you want to get closer to me Ghost.” You say gently, König tenses at the soft tone of your voice…had you ever spoken to him that way? He couldn’t recall a time you had, and that made him envious.

“You need someone. You’ve spent so much of your time in isolation, it’s time to let people in.” Never had he heard you sound so sure of yourself.

How could you break down his walls so easily, there is something about you that made him feel at ease. When he’s with you it feels like he’s allowed to smile,Things feel easier…happier. But he knew from experience things like this didn’t come so easy. People always get hurt when love is involved.

“And König…I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of being angry and resentful towards each other. These past few weeks have brought us closer together and I don’t want to ruin that with one misunderstanding.” His face burns tomato red under his mask, but he wouldn’t show it. His shoulder stiffen as if he’d been sliced across the chest. How could such beautiful words hurt this bad , you’d summed up his feelings for you perfectly but he couldn’t shake the thought of you being so involved with Ghost. Being your friend sounds like absolute torture but it was a ray of hope. Hope that one day maybe you would undoubtedly love him back. He felt like a lost puppy waiting to be owned by you…it was foolish but he couldn’t stop himself. Your naivety muddled the fact that this would be war and you were the prize.

“It has always been you. I’ve got so much blood on my hands it could run a river red and yet you were granted the title of sergeant. You’ve somehow made sure I was one step below you but that’s gonna change. You said I couldn’t win…watch me.” He says sharply.

“So this is your playing field…her?” Ghost looks you up and down with judgmental eyes. You grimace wondering why he looked so unimpressed.

“Hah, fine I’ll bite. What are the rules of the game?” Ghost chuckles, you could hear the smirk in his voice.

“We get individual days to spend with y/n and the other person cannot interfere.”

“And what about the days that aren’t accounted for?” His head tilts curiously.

“First come first serve. It’s up to y/n who she would want to spend that free time with even though I know it’ll be me. No one likes being around you.” König taunts, it isn’t clear if it’s the jealousy talking or the militant hunger for victory. Either way you didn’t appreciate them auctioning off your time and affection like some silly little game.

“You’re on. It’s about time I remind you of your place, colonel.” He reaches out an open palm, König grasps it firmly, shaking on the terms.

It’s like everything you said completely went over their heads but you knew it would take patience and time to build a stronger relationship with them. If thinking of it as a competition got them on board, then you’d just have to play along.

~

Your arms tremble as you push the weighted bar up with all your strength. Your shoulders burn with each rep begging for a break, to your body’s dismay, you were just warming up. You look up into caramel colored eyes, Maya smiles down at you as she helps support the weight of the bar. With a final push you line it up with the metal stand, it lands with a loud crack. You sit up, sweat pouring down your face. Maya removes the white towel from around her neck, she dabs away the stray droplets as they fall. She was always right there at your side helping you with even the tiniest of things.

“Remember to hydrate. The body can lose up to 10 liters of water a day when active.” She hands you her purple water bottle.

“Your knowledge never ceases to amaze me, you're gonna make a great doctor one day.” You tip the bottle up, taking several gulps before coming back up for air. Maya’s eyes softened, she needed to hear that; with all the death and injuries on base that passion could be lost. She is a practicing apprentice Doctor on base as she studies remotely to get her doctorate in medical science. Balancing education with active military duty was no easy feat, personal attachment can get in the way. People she laughed with, pulled pranks on, sat and had meals with…had died in her arms. Brutal excruciating deaths that she could do nothing about. No matter how hard she tried to save everyone…their blood still stained her hands. She thought often about what she would do if you got hurt…could she save you? Maya shakes the negative thoughts away reminding herself that you were one of the special forces best. You may be a handful but you were damn good at your job.

“Thank you y/n, you don’t know how much that means to me.” She stamps a kiss on your forehead.

“I walked in on Sergeant Ghost and Colonel König talking about some new intel on the target. There might be a raid soon, I know how anxious you are with new missions.” A look of discomfort flashes on her face leaving just as quickly. She puts on a fake smile not wanting to put any more stress on you. You were the one who would be out there on the front lines risking your life and she didn’t want to worry you.

“I’m okay,really, you get used to it.” You weren’t sure if she was trying to convince you or herself.

“If you ever need to talk…I am here Maya. I’m always here.” You bore into her with sincere eyes.

“and that’s why you’re my best friend. Now come on, we gotta keep that heart rate up.” She takes your hand, helping you to your feet. The two of you walked over to the pull up bar, arm day was not fun…at all. Your muscles were already achy and tired but you had to push in order to build endurance.

“Can’t I just work on legs today, that’s so much easier.” You whine, Maya laughs patting your lower back.

“As much as I agree with that statement, no. You handle high caliber weaponry. if you’re not strong, All that push back could damage your muscles.” She raises her arms holding the stretches in ten second intervals. Because of her insane height there is no need to use a stepping ladder, she simply reaches up and gets to work. Her fingers graze the bar before pulling back suddenly.

“I forgot my chalk, it helps prevent blisters, I’ll be back. Go ahead and start your sets without me. I gotta run back to our room.” She jogs off leaving you standing alone in the gym. You always felt slightly self conscious being in the weight room without a partner. Like everyone was watching you. Judging you. In reality no one even glanced your way but that didn’t stop the anxiety from striking. A small tremor shakes your hands as you reach up for the bar. It’s way too tall to grab on your own, Maya was usually there to give you a lift. You scan the area for a spare stepping stool or chair but everything is occupied. Eyes. Eyes everywhere. There looked to be two of everything as your vision doubled.The room begins to spin and your knees feel weak, where was Maya? When would she be back? Maya? Maya? Maya?!

“Y/n look at me. Are you okay? Should I take you to the infirmary?” Your vision begins to focus turning the two ghosts in front of you, into one. Your breathing is shaky, you nod unable to speak. His head tilts forward with concern, his bare hand cups

your elbow as he pulls you closer.

“Your eye movements are unsteady,breathing accelerated, pupils dilated…you’re having a panic attack. Talk to me y/n what is distressing you?” His voice is gentle, calming even.

“People. Just so many people. M-Maya left… I’m alone. I-I don’t like being alone.”you choke. His heart breaks at your words, loneliness was no stranger to him. Thinking back, Ghost couldn’t recall a time when you weren’t surrounded by people. He figured it’s because of how likable and fun you were but now the dots began to connect. You made sure to never be alone because it scared you…just like it scared him.

“I’ll stay with you.” His voice was earnest, he surprised himself with his sudden reaction. Normally Ghost worked out alone as he did with most things. But he wanted to help you, seeing you so shaken up tugged at something deep inside him.

“That’s it…slow deep breaths. One…two… exhale three. Very good.” He coaches. He looked to be very familiar with this sort of thing, you wondered if he’d dealt with this before. Ghost didn’t seem like the type to deal with anxiousness, he was always so cool headed.

“I’m good now.” You huff.

“Are you sure? We can go somewhere more private.” Your face heats up at his word choice, you remember the wet dream from just nights ago.

“N-no I’m fine, I still have a few sets to do.” You slide your elbow from his grasp.

“Then let’s do it… I assume your next set is pull ups and judging by your size, you usually have Maya help you up?” He hypothesized walking behind you to examine the bar.

“Yeah Maya always lifts me up-“ your words are cut off by his strong hands sinking into your waist. His fingers press into the soft plush of your hips, the crotch of his cargos rubs against your ass. His eyes fall low as he stares down at you, his thumb absentmindedly drawing circles. You don’t speak up, getting lost in the comfort of his touch. The rush of his heart vibrates through your back, the rise and fall of his chest quickens. You can hear the heaviness in his breath, the heat in his mask makes sweat bead at his brow. This isn’t the first time your bodies have met this closely but somehow this felt…Different. You snap to the reality that there is a room full of people here witnessing this moment. That idea made you focus on the initial goal…pull ups.

“I’m ready.” You assure, jumping as he hoists your body up with ease. Your fingers begin to slip, ghost bounces you up, allowing you to readjust the grip.

Even with the extra help, your arms burn as you pull the entirety of your weight up and over the bar. Your chin taps the cool metal marking one successful rep, ghost pats your thigh.

“Good job, make sure you’re breathing with each pull.” He instructs, his arms squish the fluff of your upper thighs. You nod, extending the length of your arms preparing for the next pull. Ghost is painfully aware of how your ass is pressed against his upper chest. His face is inches from the smooth damp skin of your back, his eyes track the small trickle of sweat that runs down your spine. He says a silent prayer, begging not to get hard in front of his subordinates. Even the slightest touch of your body drove him fucking mad, he’d been attracted to women before but never like this. Those thoughts were always intrusive and fleeting, he didn't let his mind wander too deeply but you…he imagined ripping those mauve pink leggings open and ramming every solid inch of his cock inside you. He hated how much control you had over him without even trying.

“I-I can’t take anymore” you groan, feeling the intense burning sensation growing in your arms.

Oh come on, he thinks. You couldn’t have chosen a better word choice, a shock shoots up his leg activating his dormant member. He nearly drops you as the mirror shows him a glimpse of his hard dick poking through his gray sweatpants. He couldn’t let you see him like this, before you could blink your feet were on the ground and ghost was B lining it to the men’s locker room.

“Hey wait where are you going?!” You call as he scurries away. He doesn’t turn around or even answer as he disappears into the white locker room door. Well that was rude, you think. You were used to him treating you like some kind of germ but this seemed off and you couldn’t put your finger on it.

~

There still hadn’t been any sign of Maya since earlier in the weight room, a sinking feeling pulls at your stomach. It wasn’t like her to just up and disappear without saying a word . The military base wasn’t the biggest in the world so there weren't many places she could have gone. Your eyes scan the mess hall landing on the table you two usually shared. Empty. No sign of her at all, you begin to worry what would keep her from eating lunch. Lunch is Maya’s favorite time of day apart from breakfast and dinner, this was strange. You look at the lunch line and physically cringe when you see that ominous brown paper bag with your name on it. It wouldn’t bother you one bit if you never saw another peanut butter and jelly ever again. You snake through the crowd and head toward the exit deciding to go search for her, it’s what she would have done for you. Just as you burst out of the sea of soldiers there is a deep voice bellowing down the long tan hallway.

“Y/n” a voice rumbles in the distance. Loud heavy footsteps shake the ground as König jogs in your direction.

“I didn’t see you in the mess hall, have you eaten already?” His words are rushed and nervous.

“No I haven’t, I was actually going to-“ he chimes in disregarding the rest of your sentence.

“That’s perfect! I wanted to invite you to have lunch with me.” His voice sounds energetic.

“Well I was just about to go look for Maya…” you trail looking around trying to spot her.

“Oh I saw her a few minutes ago when I was walking past the infirmary.” He says. The infirmary should have been the first place you looked, Maya did tons of overtime with Dr.Bradshaw. Extra hours counted as field work for her university grade, but overworking wasn’t always a good sign for her. You take a mental note to ask her later not wanting to disturb her study time with the Doctor. There was a nagging urge to ask König exactly what she was up to when he saw her but you decided not to snoop. If there was an issue she would come to you about it, you were always there for her and she knew that…or at least you hoped she did.

“Oh okay then I’ll just talk to her later thanks.” You spin on your heels ready to jog back to the cafeteria. A leather gloved hand entraps your wrist, holding you still. Your head whips around staring up into his forest green eyes, they dart back and forth searching your face.

“I’m sorry, I-I uh did you have plans for lunch today? If so I completely understand…I know you might still be worried about Maya.” His voice is shaky.

“No I don’t have plans for lunch, ugh I’m the one who should be sorry I almost blew you off just now. What kind of friend am I?” You joke. His chest tightens at the word friend, he drops your hand back to your side. It catches your attention but you breeze by it not wanting to cause any damage.

“I’d love to have lunch with you König.” You say enthusiastically trying to salvage the situation.

“Perfect. Let’s go, try to act normal.” He nods in the directions of the exit motioning you to follow his lead. You had a feeling this was going to be another mission impossible, König mixed with the words “act normal” never turned out good. Since the recent feud with ghost he was more rebellious than ever. You cautiously walk behind him trailing him out of the double doors, the sun beats down on your skin. Your eyes squint from the sudden lighting change, your hand lifts to shade your forehead blocking out the brightness. Las Almas Mexico was a beautiful mountainous place with endless desert views. There were small cities with an economy based on agriculture and farming. Like every major metropolitan region there are city areas for entertainment and tourism. The base was quite a distance from those areas, the deserts granted seclusion. Most of the drug activity and gang violence originated in the city areas. Although there were plenty of small gangs they all worked under the one major crime organization in the city…The Las Almas Cartel. The whole reason for your special forces deployment was to monitor and take down this organization. They participated in egregious crimes against the residents of Las Almas and helped push the drug epidemic throughout multiple countries. You walk forward,your shoulder brushes his arm ever so slightly. His eyes shift away with embarrassment, he hadn’t touched you since that night. People chirp hello’s as you slip through the ocean of workers, there were so many familiar happy faces in the crowd. You are grateful König is by your side or all the attention could have become overwhelming very quickly. It warmed your heart to be loved by so many but it became exhausting, always chasing approval from others.

König senses a shift in your mood, boldly, he rests his big hand on your lower back; ushering you along. He leads you to the vehicle repair and storage shed. There are lanes wall to wall filled with earth toned military vehicles ranging from Humvee’s to M113’s.

“Oh hey y/n! What are you doing all the way out here darlin’?” His southern twang is thick. The dimples in his cheeks deepen as he smiles toothy and big. His giant veiny hands stain the white cloth as he wipes away black sludge.

“Hey Jack, I hope we didn’t interrupt your work.”

“You could never bother me y/n seeing you is always a treat. Speaking of treats, where’s ol doll face Maya I haven’t gotten my daily fix of her.” He laughs. Jack was a flirt that was no secret but everyone knew about his unrequited love for Maya. Most people found her attractive but Jack’s feelings were public, making sure to scare off anyone who thought about making a move. They were just like an old married couple, arguing about any and everything.

“She’s working in the infirmary.” You explain.

“I’m gonna have to go and pay her a visit, she can’t run forever.” Wrinkles form at the corner of his eyes as he smiles ear to ear.

You can’t help but cheese at his friendly face. König didn’t appreciate Jack's lingering gaze. His eyes slit with annoyance, why were you smiling at him like that? He thinks burning with jealousy.

“I’m taking a Jeep on patrol.” He stated plainly.

“Sure thing, I’ll just need to see that authorization letter from the sergeant.” He says wiping the oil from his cheek.

“I am your Colonel. I grant myself authorization.” His arms fold over his chest as he stands tall and confident.

“But the sergeant said-“ Jack starts.

“Unless you want to be scrubbing toilets for a week I suggest you give me the keys. If not, I’ll just have to report you for interference with a mandatory patrol. Are we clear?” His voice is stern. You find yourself gawking at him. his power had you melting in his gloved palm. König didn’t like abusing his power but there was no way he’d go beg ghost to allow him to take you out. If he wanted you to himself he would make that happen at any cost. It didn’t matter who he had to step over as long as he got to be with you. Jack stares him down for a moment weighing out his options, he could either disobey Ghost and get punished or disobey König and get punished. Great choices he think’s sarcastically.

“Look, if you’re gonna take her out you gotta be back before sunset or else ghost is gonna be on my ass…deal?” He extends a hand to König.

“Deal.” He takes his hand firmly.

“Here I just did an oil change on her so she’s the best I’ve got right now. I’m still repair’n the others.” He tosses him a set of Keys with a dog tag attached. König nods, throwing his black duffel bag in the back seat. You never understood the idea of jeeps being doorless but as you hop in it makes a little more sense. If you’re being shot at you could literally jump right in. You chuckle at the ridiculous thought of you diving into a moving jeep.

“What’s so funny?” He asks, clicking his seat belt and cranking the ignition.

“Nothing, it's dumb.” You laugh tugging the seat belt over your chest. He chuckles backing out of the garage. His arm lays across the back of your headrest as he looks behind him making sure no one was there. Your thighs clench at his focused body language, how did he manage to turn you on with such mundane tasks. The car whips around, he straightens the wheel and puts the gear in drive.

An armed soldier from the gate walks up to the driver's side scoping out the inside of the car.

“Colonel. Where are you headed?” He salutes.

“Me and y/n will be holding a patrol unit on the mountain. There’s been reports of suspicious activity by the locals.” He lies smoothly. The mask came in handy since without it every emotion he felt would be on display. König is, unbenounced to everyone else,a terrible liar. His face gives him away every time. Despite what people think he could be read like a book if it wasn’t for the mask.

“Yes sir. Open the gate!” He calls.

König’s shoulders relax as the metal gates swing open. Mission accomplished. He finally had you to himself for a day. After spotting your workout with the sergeant; he had to find a way to steal your attention back. Your head leans out the door watching in awe as the ground gets further away. The mountain road is bumpy and narrow, your hand grips the seatbelt tightly.

“Scared of heights?” He asks, looking over at you with concern.

“Of course not, keep your eyes on the road.” You scold.

“You know it doesn’t help to look down.” He reaches over, tugging your chin away from the ground. His fingers linger for a second before returning to the wheel. You’d seen this view from the chopper when you first arrived on base but this is a new perspective and it is gorgeous. The cacti bloomed with tiny magenta flowers, the dry soil cracked into interesting shapes. Small animals poke their heads from the grooves in the ground,and Even the sky is clear and vast. If maps didn’t exist you’d have sworn the land stretched on forever. The heat is also comforting, the sun wraps you in a tight embrace kissing your skin. You wished you could see his face, you wondered if he was enamored with the scenery just as you are.

“It’s amazing isn’t it…like a whole new world.” He breathes looking around curiously. One hand gripped the wheel and the other pointed to a viper green snake in the distance.

“Did you see that?!” He exclaims excitedly.

“I did.” You say softly.

He coughs awkwardly, he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of you but animals are his weakness. He felt an obligation to protect creatures smaller than him, what better way to use his gigantic size. After what felt like an eternity he pulls into an open area at the top of the mountain overlooking the base. He puts the car in park and takes the key from the ignition. You unbuckle your seatbelt, turning your body to hop down; König jogs around the vehicle blocking your path.

“Allow me.” He pretends to open an invisible door.

You jump down and punch his arm playfully. You both laugh filling the open air with joy. He admires you bent over laughing from your gut, a real laugh, that’s when you were most beautiful. He loved seeing happiness radiate from you, you wore it well. He wanted to make everyday a good day filled with bliss, he dreamed of one day being the one to make that a reality for you. He swings his duffel bag out with a huff walking over to a clear patch of land. With razor focus he unzips the bag unloading its contents onto the sandy ground. He lays a green blanket down before laying zip lock bags of mystery foods on to the cloth. To finish off the set up he sets up two colas on either side of the picnic blanket. It was one of the cutest things you’ve ever seen, he plops down in the blanket waving you over. You can’t help but smile at the exquisite dining arrangement designed by the renowned König.

“Beautiful set up chef.” You joke.

“On today’s menu we have the chefs’ choice…Ham and cheese sandwich. My secret ingredient is melted cheese courtesy of today’s weather. Strawberries, hand picked by me from the local farmers market. And two delicious warm cokes.” Your nose scrunches in disgust, earning a hearty laugh from the colonel. His laugh was like liquid gold, it rumbled deep, shaking your core. It’s a shame others didn’t get to witness this playful side of him.

“Sounds… yummy.” You say snagging a ham sandwich. You unzip the bag and have an experimental bite. To your surprise it’s not too bad, somehow the sun melted cheese worked. Not something you’d have regularly for a snack but the fact that König cooked it, made it taste better. You can’t imagine him moving around the kitchen, did he keep the mask on or take it off? You giggle at the image of him with an apron and mask on.

“You’re always giggling and I’m never a part of the joke.” He pouts.

“I was just imagining you cooking in a cute little apron. Would you keep the mask on or take it off.” You tease.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” He slips his sandwich under the hem of his mask, taking a bite. At this angle the sunlight glows behind you like a halo. König admires how angelic you are, he didn’t understand how someone could look so perfect. There wasn’t a word in any language that could describe your beauty, inside and out you were radiant. A rose blush sweeps his face, he looks away realizing how long he’s been staring. Butterflies flutter in your stomach.You turn away relocating your attention to the incredible view. At this height the wind whips strongly , blowing a cool breeze through the air. You close your eyes tilting your face to the sky, his eyes trail down your neck peering at the steady thump of your vein. He remembers the way you look with your pulse beating out of control;lustful eye low eyes staring back at him. That night you took a piece of him with you, he has never been so needy for a woman in his life. In a metaphorical sense you were a succubus and he would gladly give up his soul.

“God you’re gorgeous.” He breathes. Your eyes widen as you stammer for words nervously.

“W-what, you can’t just say that out of nowhere.” You stutter.

“Should I give you a warning next time?” He flirts.

“You’re always messing with me.” You slap his hand. He smirks loving how you crumble for him. He reaches over to grab the bag of fresh strawberries, his palm brushes the base of your thigh. He slides a berry under his mask, making a sound of approval.

“Mmm. These are really good. Try it.” He plucks a strawberry from the bag, holding it up to your lips.

You’re hesitant for a while looking at the berry in disbelief, he couldn’t be serious. This is definitely not something friends do but you do have a habit of overthinking things. Maybe this is one of those things, it’s just a strawberry, nothing less, and nothing more. You nod coyly, leaning in and wrapping your plump lips around the fruit as your teeth sink in; taking a small bite. His jaw tenses as he fights back the urge to lick the sticky juices from your mouth. With his free hand he lifts his mask, exposing the lower portion of his face. There is an intensity behind his eyes as he slides the rest of your half eaten berry past his blushed lips.

“You’re right, these are…really…good.” You trail as he closes the distance between you.

“Here, have some more then.” He bites another one. His giant hand rests at the back of your neck pulling you closer inch by inch. All thoughts evacuate your mind as his soft breath brushes your lips. He’s so close you can almost taste him. So achingly close that it makes your heart leap right out of your chest. Why was he doing this to you, making you yearn to feel him again. Reminding you of the mind bending orgasms he gave you that night. It wasn’t fair, how could you be friends when he is so irresistible? You can’t. You shouldn’t. You won’t. He brushes his soft warm lips over yours begging for permission, pleading for just one kiss. You did. You’re caught in his net as your lips meld desperately in a symphony of passion. His tongue spreads the strawberry nectar across your taste buds making the kiss intoxicatingly sweet. He shifts onto his knees towering over you, never breaking the kiss. He leans down deepening it, gripping the curve of your hips; a camo clad knee forces through the barrier of your thighs. It’s feverish and greedy, he kisses you like he’ll never get the chance to again. Your back arches into his touch, a loud moan echoes through the mountain as he teases your pulsing clit. The friction was unbearable, it felt good but it wasn’t enough. You wanted, no, needed more. Your pussy quivers as he breaks the kiss to nip at the sensitive skin of your neck.

“W-we can’t. Friends don’t uhn-friends can’t do this.”You pant.

“I want to please you. I didn’t get to show you all of my tricks last time.” He whispers seductively. He pushes you back onto your elbows, clearing the picnic blanket in one swoop of his hand. You stare down at him, your breathing is erratic wondering what his next move will be. Strong calloused fingers work the complicated buckle of your work pants. Soon your pants are not only unbuckled but being slid down the length of your legs. Your chunky black combat boots prevented them from going any further so naturally he removed those too; leaving you completely exposed from the waist down. You couldn’t believe you were letting this happen and in a desert nonetheless. König wastes no time grasping your hips and lifting your pelvis, leveling your pussy with his eager mouth. Your shoulders and head rest on the blanket while your lower half is suspended upward; legs dangling on his hunched shoulders. Even with him leaning over, your ass is still elevated at a staggering height. You’re completely at his mercy, no matter how much you squirm his grip is iron tight. The black fabric of his mask sits on the plush of your mound hiding his face as he kisses your warm lower lips. You couldn’t see anything from this angle and the mask added even more security to his next action. You watch the clouds move up above as he traces the glazed slit of your entrance, your hips buck in response. A quiet whimper vibrates your skin as he tastes you for the first time, the scent of your arousal fills the limited space in his mask. Every breath he took was filled with you, that one lick already had his dick frustratingly hard and throbbing.

“Du schmeckst so verdammt fantastisch (you taste so fucking amazing)” he mumbles into your heat. It’s impossible to hold back any more, his tongue slithers up and down the slippery split of your cunt. The tip of his tongue draws circles around your stiff clit, he nips and sucks at the bundle of nerves making your legs shake. His hands sink into your thighs as he pushes deeper into your delectable pussy. The thick flat of his tongue laps at your labia teasing the wet folds of your outer sex. Your muscles contract as he explores every crevice of your dewy flower, your juices dribble down his chin as he teases the perimeter of your tight hole. You grind up into his face wanting him to go further tasting the deepest parts of your sweetness. His hands release your thighs leaving the heavy lifting to your core strength. Your body shakes as you fight to stay in this position not wanting the pleasure to end.

“That’s it, you're doing so good Schatz(love) you’re going to have to put in some work to cum.” He breathes. His hands tug at your shirt fighting to push it up past your breast. You decide to help him out, lifting your shirt and black bra in one motion; your nipples are stiff with arousal. He rolls your hard peaks between his fingers, teasing and caressing the sensitive buds. Your mouth falls slack as his tongue eases into you, your walls clench as he strokes your inner velvet. A sloshing wet sound fills the air as he fucks your cunt with his long skillful tongue. Your hands fist the blanket as you become overwhelmed by all the sensations. How could something wrong feel so good.

“No no no you can’t cum yet, I am still enjoying my meal.” He reprimands. You bite your lip and stare up at him with pleading teary eyes.

“P-please let me cum, s’to much c-can’t hold it please.” You cry.

“Look at me Prinzessin. Focus on me. Just like that, I’m so proud of you. Don’t give up beautiful. You're taking it so well.” He praises, locking eyes with you. He feels your pussy flutter on his tongue as you fight the urge to drench his face. He sucks your clit into his mouth gently, with a final pull sending you tumbling over the edge.

“I’m g-gonna cum, need to cum fuck-“

Your spent cunt spurts delicious cream all over Königs face, drenching his mask.

“Look at the mess you made. Naughty girl.” He eases your body back to the ground, licking his lips. You lie there twitching, unable to form a coherent sentence.

~

“Suns going down. We’d better start heading back to base.” He says in a disappointed tone. He wished this day could last forever but that wasn’t realistic. The last thing he wanted to deal with was ghost pulling rank on him again. You nod helping him pack his duffel bag, he smiles as your hands brush when reaching for the same items.

“I had so much fun with you today.” You chat loading the leftover snacks into the bag.

“Me too. We should come back here soon, I’ll pack better lunches next time.” He promises, throwing the bag over his shoulder.

“Everything was perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing.” You assure, swallowing back the feelings of regret. What did this mean moving forward, did you make the mistake of leading him on again? König catches a glimpse of doubt on your face and speaks up.

“Today…never happened. We hung out, as friends.” He pats your head. You smile up at him appreciating his kindness and understanding, he knew you never meant to hurt him. Today was all on him, he took that step knowing what it meant and he’d do it again. He knows you need time to figure things out and he was done being impatient. He is sure about his feelings for you and is willing to wait as long as it takes.

“Let’s go.” He taps your butt as he walks by. You gasp smacking his back in return,trailing behind him to the jeep. He tosses the duffle bag in the back seat, walking around to help you into the car.

You stop in your tracks peering up into his beautiful lush green eyes, his heart thumps rapidly.

“Did you forget something?” He asks.

“No. You’re just…incredible you know that.”

“Y/n I-Get down!” He leaps forward shielding your body as you two tumble to the ground in a panic.

“Ah! Scheisse! I’ve been hit.” He groans, squeezing the oozing gunshot wound. A ringing sounds in your ears from the blast, everything moves in slow motion as you help him limp to the Jeep.

“A fucking sniper. We have to move! Now! Drive” he instructs baring down his teeth, holding back a scream. His leg is on fire, blood spurts between his fingers as he applies pressure. The gas pedal is touching the floor as you push the vehicle as fast as it’ll go. Your fist beats down on the horn trying to alert the front gate you’re coming in hot. one hand swerves the wheel frantically twisting and turning and the other is on Königs head holding him close as you quick fire words of affirmation.

“It’s gonna be okay, please stay with me. Hang on alittle longer. König? König?! Fuck!” You sob whipping the wheel back and forth making it harder for the snipe to aim. His consciousness begins to fade from the excessive blood loss; the once cream flooring of the Jeep is now a cherry red. His hand goes limp as he faints no longer applying pressure to the wound. He’s fading fast.

“No no no wake up. I know you’re sleepy but stay with me please please König we’re almost there.” Tears stream down your face as you beat down on the horn. The gate is a few feet away, the soldier on guard sees you approaching at 150 miles an hour. He sounds the alarm, triggering the gate to open up slowly. You can’t let up on the speed it’s too late, you have to push it. Any further delay could cost him his life, you slam your foot to the floor giving it all you’ve got. A loud crack slices through the air as you burst through the half opened gate, taking the side view mirrors off in the process. Both feet hit the brakes forcing you to a violent stop. You jump out, yelling for back up.

“Please help me, he's hit! The colonel has been shot! Please he isn’t responding help me!” You scream, wrapping your hands around his calf trying to stop the bleeding.

“Y/n! What happened?!” Maya runs up taking off her shirt to use as a makeshift tourniquet.

“They shot him.” You hyperventilate.

“Who shot him?! Get him to the operating room now!” She barks at the nearby soldiers.

“I-I don’t know…” you sob watching the men carry him away.

To be continued?…

[haddonfieldwhore]

talk me down - vince dunn

vince dunn x gender neutral! reader

summary: after a late game penalty and a frustrating shootout loss, vince is in a bad mood. good thing he has you to make him feel better

warnings: mentions of violence, langauge, angry vinny, a bit of angst but mostly fluff

word count: 1.2k

as the whistle blew with only a few minutes left in overtime, you ran a hand over your face in frustration as a penalty was called on your boyfriend, vince dunn, for deliberately whacking another player with his stick. while there should have been a call for the opponent holding and tripping vince, the way that vince had reacted was unnecessary. you’re making it worse, you thought, as he punched fiala in the face, nearly hitting him with his stick before the refs separated them. even in the stands you could hear dunn swearing his head off, and you were shocked he didn’t get more than a 2 minute penalty for what he’d done. thankfully los angeles wasn’t able to take advantage of the extra man on the ice and score a goal, but things went to the shootout and eventually the game ended in favour of the kings.

a cloud of disappointment hung heavy in the air of climate pledge arena as kraken fans filed out, without a win but still with a point as the players left the ice. you sighed as you stood up from your seat, the other players wives and girlfriends who had been at the game also getting up to go find their partners. they were talking about the game, and while you could have joined their conversation, you were more concerned with vince. you made your way to the back and waited impatiently for him to come out of the locker room.

after what felt like forever - the team surely having had a long talk with their coach about the events of the game - a familiar curly haired brunette emerged from the doorway, a scowl on his face.

“hey,” you said softly as you stood up, walking over and grabbing his hand gently. to your surprise he didn’t pull it away, but didn’t say anything, simply tilting his head in the direction of the exit. getting the message that he just wanted to go home, you nodded, walking with him out to your car and getting in the drivers seat, and the two of you began a silent drive home.

when you arrived home to his house, he went straight upstairs without a word, and you heard the sound of a door slamming upstairs as he disappeared into your shared bedroom. you grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen, your fingers anxiously tapping the granite counter tops as you sighed. you hated seeing him like this; beyond frustrated and tired. you knew he would never do anything to hurt you, you also understood that it was best to give him some space and time to cool down when he got like this. you took a seat on the sectional in the living room and scrolled through different apps on your phone, avoiding anything you saw about the game. about 15 minutes went by before you began to yawn, and decided to head upstairs to find vince.

as you walked into the bedroom, you saw him laying face down on the bed, his head at the wrong end. his one arm was hanging over the edge while the other was folded under his head like a pillow. he had discarded his clothes except for his sweatpants, and you admired the toned muscles of his back that were on display as he lay turned away from the door. it was clear he had just collapsed onto the bed, the blanket barely covering his legs and crumpled from being kicked aside. you quietly got changed into some shorts and one of vince’s t-shirts, before padding over to the bed and sitting down next to him.

“i’m sorry,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by his arm and the mattress. reaching towards him you brushed your fingers through his messy curls, shaking your head, though he couldn’t see you.

“you don’t have to apologize to me,” you assured him.

“i still am.”

“i know,” you replied, moving closer to him as you let your hands travel down to his shoulders, gently massaging the tense muscles. he shivered slightly at the feeling of your hands on the back of his neck, but then sighed softly as you worked at the knots in his back, trying to relieve some of the tension from the game. you spent about 10 minutes in silence, and you were honestly beginning to think vince had fallen asleep, until he spoke again.

“i’ll be lucky if i don’t get suspended or fined,” he said, groaning softly as you kneaded a particularly sore spot on his lower back.

“yeah,” you agreed cautiously. “i’m sorry, vinny; i really don’t know what to say.”

“now who’s apologizing?” he laughed dryly, and while it was bittersweet, it was the first hint of a smile you’d heard in his voice all night. “i fucked up, i have to deal with the consequences.”

“that’s true. but they should have called a penalty on the other guy.”

“yeah well i guess they thought otherwise. i didn’t exactly make the situation any better. i think i owe joey an apology for sending us to the shootout,” he gave another halfhearted laugh.

“i wouldn’t say it’s your fault it went to a shootout. give me your other arm,” you instructed, having finished massaging the arm you could reach. vince rolled over onto his back, looking up at you as he extended his right arm into your lap.

“i guess it doesn’t matter in the end,” he sighed, watching you as your hands ran up and down his bicep, soothing the tired aching beneath his skin.

“you guys still got a point,” you said optimistically, trying to look on the bright side of a shitty end to the night. vince smiled at you, the admiring gaze going unnoticed as you continued pampering him.

“yeah,” he mumbled, as you lifted his hand, playing with his fingers gently. “thank you.” you finally looked at him, his eyes tired but full of love as he stared back at you.

“anytime,” you smiled warmly, and giggling softly as vince opened his arms for you to crawl into. you laid down next to him, letting him pull you into his side as he stared up at the ceiling. you closely admired each freckle and detail of his face, and if life were a cartoon your eyes would have had hearts popping out of them.

“i love you,” you spoke quietly, placing a few kisses on his cheek. he turned his face toward you, your foreheads pressing together as he bumped his nose against yours softly.

“i love you,” he whispered. “i don’t know what i would do without you,” he admitted, kissing the tip of your nose, and then your forehead before pulling you closer, tucking your head under his chin.

“you’d have a stiffer back for one-“ you were interrupted by your own laugh as he tickled your side, and you smiled as you curled your body into him, inhaling the scent of his body wash that lingered on his skin from his post-game shower. “okay - okay i’m done.”

“goodnight baby,” he squeezed you tightly in his arms before reaching over and turning off the lamp next to the bed. a wave of tiredness washed over you as the darkness in the room enveloped you, and you quickly fell asleep.

vince laid awake for a little while, listening to the tiny snores that fell from your lips as you slept. whatever repercussions were to come from tonight, and whether they had lost the game or not, he had you, and that was a win in his mind.

disclaimer: all screenshots, events, and/or interactions depicted in this are a work of fiction. i have no association with any parties mentioned

[inkdrinkerworld]

I didn’t have the best relationship w my dad and I could totally see Remus healing r just by how kind and genuinely interested he is in their daughter. He loves talking to her, understanding her, getting excited with her on the things she gets excited about

Baby same same SAME

Your daughter bursts through your bedroom door, bolting straight for Remus who’s just finished dressing.

“Daddy, you wouldn’t believe what happened today.”

You roll your eyes, already aware of the whole ‘put down’ that happened in Kindergarten today.

Remus stops brushing his hair and sits on the floor- on a soft rug in the corner of your bedroom that was their designated ‘decompress’ space.

“What happened that I wouldn’t believe, calon bach?”

Your daughter vividly recounts the way one of the boys at school had decided that lunch time was the perfect time to try speaking to her- while she was eating her fairy cake no less and dipped his finger in her frosting.

“Daddy, I don’t know why he would even do that! And I scraped off all the frosting after even though that’s my favourite part because I’m not sure where his hands have been!”

Her dramatics- as Remus fondly refers to them- come from you, and it makes your heart stutter to see Remus remain so enraptured by her story.

Suddenly, tears spring to your eyes, even more so when he says, “How abouts tomorrow we pack an extra fairy cake and you can offer it to him?”

She frowns, a deep worried line in the middle of her forehead. “Do I have to? Because I really do love fairy cakes.”

You watch as Remus rubs her back, pulling her to his lap and deliberates her words.

You remember, without your consent, how conversations like these were usually exchanged with your mother, or your older brother if he was home from work but your dad never allowed any of it.

It would result in a flick of his wrist, a huffed ‘I’m busy can this wait?’ Or a simple yet very hurtful, ‘I don’t want to hear about your day, I just want quiet.’

Remus is never flippant or rude or anything that you had experienced when it comes to your little girl or even to yourself but it makes your heart grow an even stickier fondness for him.

“Okay maybe we can just start by telling him keep his hand to himself and if he wants an extra fairy cake you can offer it to him, yeah?”

Your daughter flops in Remus’ hold, head hanging off his thigh. “I guess.”

You chuckle wetly and Remus looks up at you- worry and then understanding passing across his face. He winks at you and you smile, wiping away your tears.

“Can we watch Klaus tonight? I fell asleep early after tea last night and I don’t think you and mama watched it without me.”

You both didn’t, having been far too exhausted to even blink for long after she had fallen asleep.

“No we didn’t look at it without you, sassy pants,” Remus pats her butt as they stand, “Go lay with mummy and I’ll bring up some snacks and water.”

Her eyes narrow as she climbs up the bed next to you. “Daddy you know I like the juice, the one mummy likes.”

Remus does know, he also knows it’s well past her bedtime already. But then you join the puppy dog eyes against Remus party and he’s putty.

“Fine but only a little.”

“I love you,” is repeated twice to him and he finds the words have never been truer even as he waters down some of the juice for your daughter and opts for her animal crackers that all of you love.

[airas-story]

Moral of the Story

“Do you even realize what you just told me?” Stephen asked, sounding perturbed.

Tony glanced to the side to look at him. He’d been focusing on the bookshelves so he wouldn’t see the disgust he knew he’d find on Stephen’s face. “What are you talking about?” Tony asked; it was not the reaction he’d expected after telling the story of his 40th birthday party, every humiliating moment of it. The disgust, for one, wasn’t there. Stephen had a strange—ha—look on his face, as though he was in the process of rethinking something he’d thought he’d known.

“You’re telling me your best friend stole your suit, beat you into the ground while he thought you were drunk, then flew off and took the suit you’d done everything to keep out of the hands of other people and gave it to the government, and not just the government, but your competitor.”

Tony made a face, because competitor, that was being a little generous. “Hammer is not—“

Stephen held out a hand to stop him, apparently not about to let himself be distracted. “He was supposed to be your best friend. And he… I don’t care how you were acting, Rhodes shouldn’t have beat you into the ground and then stolen from you, especially in a way that deliberately and explicitly betrayed your very well-publicized view of putting the suit in the hands of the government.” Stephen shook his head. “People could have died because of that, and it’d be your weapons, once again. That would have destroyed you, Tony. I’m trying to understand how you could possibly be okay with this.”

He examined Tony, eyes piercing as though searching for answers in Tony’s soul.

Tony shifted uncomfortably, not sure he wanted Stephen to find whatever he was looking for. He tried to deflect. “Whoa, calm down. You’re focusing on the wrong things.” Because there were some things he preferred not to think about. “I was being an irresponsible ass, dangerously so. And I intended for him to take it,” Tony added. He’d wanted part of Iron Man to live on to protect the world after he died, and he couldn’t think of anyone better than Rhodey. “I trusted he wouldn’t misuse it. So he wasn’t really stealing it.”

It didn’t distract Stephen in quite the way he’d hoped. “Did he know that?” Stephen asked, tone sharp and eyes blazing, clearly getting riled up. “Did Colonel Rhodes know that he was ‘not stealing’ it?”

Tony stared at him, utterly baffled. “Stephen, I was being an irresponsible ass.”

“And that gives him the right to steal?” Stephen demanded. “To beat you into the ground, to tell you, the creator of the suit, that you don’t deserve it.”

Tony flinched, because even now, that one hurt. “Well… yeah?”

Stephen just stared at him for a long moment, but then nodded. “Right. There are so many issues here, I don’t even know where to start. Did he… I don’t know. Apologize?”

The words had been said, but Tony instinctively knew that that wasn’t what Stephen really meant. They’d kind of just moved past it and pretended that the situation had never happened. Something told him that Stephen really wouldn’t like that answer.

Stephen ran a hand over his face, clearly seeing the answer on his face. “You really don’t see a problem with anything that happened then, do you?” Pain, maybe even grief, twisted his tone.

“I do,” Tony protested; that had been the point of the whole story. “I know I handled things in the worst possible way.” And even that was downplaying how badly he’d acted.

“Undoubtedly,” Stephen agreed. “You should have been honest about the fact that you were dying. Isolating yourself the way you did was perhaps nobly meant, but foolish.” The look on Stephen’s face made it clear he thought it was far more foolish than noble. “And you absolutely shouldn’t have been drunk in a weaponized suit.” Stephen sent him a sharp look at that. Tony relaxed a little, because this was the sort of reaction he’d been expecting. “But that doesn’t make theft, escalation, and physical intimidation the right answer in handling the situation.”

“Rhodey was doing what he needed to do.”

Stephen shook his head, expression twisted in clear displeasure still as he looked away. “Perhaps.” His disagreement rang loud and clear.

Tony took a moment to just look at him. Stephen had a furrow in his brow and was glaring down at the book on the table.

“I get the feeling that I shouldn’t have told you this story. You completely missed the moral of the story. And normally you’re so good at that,” Tony said dryly, trying to lighten things, a little. “You’re supposed to be taking from it that I’m reckless, idiotic, and untrustworthy.”

The ferocity in Stephen’s gaze took Tony aback. “I already knew you were reckless. I’m not surprised that you’re occasionally an idiot. And trying to convince me that you’re untrustworthy is a long lost cause.” He met Tony’s gaze, an untold depth of emotions in his eyes that caught Tony’s breath for a moment; something warm settled in his chest.

He shelved it for a moment, because Stephen had completely missed the moral of the story, but he hadn’t gotten nothing from it. He’d just gotten the wrong thing, from it. Tony sighed, because he just knew this would turn messy if he didn’t stop it in its tracks. “Don’t be mad at Rhodey.”

“Too late,” Stephen told him, tone unshakeable. “You refuse to be mad at anything, so I’m going to do it for you.”

[urne-buriall]

so you've told me now you like sotw alternate realities. well here's the river scene were Dean opens up to Cas about John's abuse way ahead of schedule, mere days after the 4th of july:

“There are things I want to tell you,” said Cas, “and questions I want to ask. But I’m never sure if I can.”

“What do you mean?” asked Dean.

“Sometimes I want to tell you about my family because I think you understand,” said Cas. “Other times… I’m just not sure.”

“You could tell me if you wanted,” said Dean. He wished Cas would say. He wanted so badly for Cas to trust him. “It wouldn’t change anything. You’d still be my friend, no matter what you said.”

Cas slowly nodded his head. “Right,” he said. He turned again. Started walking. “I don’t want to burden you. And like I said, talking isn’t my strength.”

There had been a test and Dean failed it. He was sure of it. He just didn’t know what he’d done wrong. Had he come on too strong? Had he seemed insincere?

Maybe he was supposed to offer something first. Maybe he needed to be the one to break open that levee, the one that would never close again. To find out if they shared anything, perhaps it was on Dean to say, my dad beats the shit out of me and has since I can remember.

“Cas, wait,” said Dean. He caught up with Cas, then continued walking. He didn’t quite look over his shoulder as he said, “I’ll tell you.”

At the river. He needed to be still, not in this in-between space on the path.

And as he walked, feeling Cas trail slowly after him, studying Dean, he wondered what he was about to do. How would he say it? Could he really confess this? Could he trust Cas with it?

He went to a rise above the river, where grass and clover turned into a straight-edged bank a few feet above the water. He took off his boots and set them aside, bare feet coming to rest in the cool green clover.

Cas came beside him and cautiously did the same. Dean wrapped his arms around his knees, unable to look at Cas next to him. Nearly shoulder-to-shoulder.

They’d sat like this the day of the rainstorm, talking idly before the downpour. That night, Cas stayed over and wore Dean’s clothes. Had stripped to nearly nothing on the covered porch, skin gold in the light and shining with rain.

Dean buried his face in the crook of his arm and tried to forget that.

“Dean?” said Cas, patience giving way to desperate curiosity.

Cas would say he seemed upset again. And if Dean took an outside look at himself, it was laughable to try and deny. He lifted his head.

He’d promised to tell Cas. It was the only way to find out more about Cas in return, and it was something Dean wanted badly enough that it brought him here. He was going to risk everything. For Cas.

“It’s my dad,” he said, surprised by the weakness of his own voice. Shaky, hoarse.

Cas looked Dean over carefully as he waited for more. He gave a faint nod.

“He’s… Tough.” That could be taken so many ways and Dean knew it. “On me,” he added, like it clarified anything. “Sometimes.”

Cas didn’t shift his posture, but the lines of his face became more deliberately contained. He took a moment to say, clear and even, “Does he hurt you?”

Dean looked sharply to the water. Only because his eyes began to burn, because he was losing his grip on the control he thought he had. He wasn’t supposed to cry over this. He was supposed to bear it. He was just going to state a fact, a fact he had lived with for so long and was strong enough to deal with. And it would have been different if Cas asked ‘does he hit you?’ but instead he’d said hurt, and that was a different question, wasn’t it? It was supposed to be easy to say hit, yes and move on without the impact of that action. But hurt made it so much more lasting.

He winced, trying to find another way around the answer, but then he nodded, a concession timed with the tears that came bitter and fast. He quickly bowed his head into his arms, not enough to hide the catching sound his breath made as he tried not to choke on this feeling.

He wasn’t supposed to be so upset. He wasn’t supposed to be this reactive. He wasn’t dead, it was nothing worth crying over.

Cas’ arm wrapped around his shoulder, a solid warmth that gave shape to Dean, keeping him from coming apart.

“I’m sorry,” Cas said, voice deep and low.

Dean tried to push down his feelings, raising his face even if it was tear-streaked and flushed. “About what?” he asked. Cas had nothing to be sorry for.

“That you’ve had to go through it,” said Cas.

Dean had never imagined anyone saying that to him. He thought he deserved to be called weak for putting up with it, or for crying about it now. He thought nobody would care if it happened to him or not. That anywhere he might’ve grown up he’d have been treated just the same because of the way he was. Never enough. All the things John implied and made him believe.

“You should leave,” said Cas.

“Is that what you did?”

“Yes.”

“I can’t,” said Dean. “Sam—”

“Does he hurt Sam, too?”

Dean shook his head. He felt oddly defensive. Of course John didn’t hurt Sam. Dean would never allow it. “I keep Sam out of it,” he said.

“You still shouldn’t stay.”

“It’s not that bad,” said Dean, like he hadn’t been trembling with the force of his tears just moments ago. His voice came thin. “Not enough to leave.”

“Any amount is enough to be worth leaving,” Cas said, so certain of himself.

Dean retreated back into denial. “It’s more complicated than that,” he said. “I’m— I’m not a kid anymore so…”

Cas’ arm fell away from Dean so that he could look at him better. Which was more dangerous and less comforting than his touch had been. “When was the last time it happened?”

Dean rubbed the edge of his hand against his wet cheek, not wanting to answer but unable to resist a direct question from Cas. He looked down at the river and cleared his throat. “Day before yesterday,” he said. If Cas were to roll his eyes, it wouldn’t be undeserved, but Cas stayed perfectly still. Dean’s fingertips brushed against his throat, wanting to say what happened, but unable to describe that part. “He was mad I brought Sam home. Against orders.”

He dropped his hand again, but Cas’ eyes stayed on his throat. Where a fading bruise could be taken for a smear of motor oil. Cas sharply inhaled, putting pieces together. His eyes scanned the rest of Dean’s body, pausing on his shoulder.

“Your broken arm,” said Cas.

“Yeah, uh,” said Dean. Thinking he’d find something better. “Yeah.” There wasn’t really a way to allay it. “He caught me— We were arguing. About eventing, and Zepp, and I thought if I could just get away from him. And he caught me on the steps and I— I fell down.”

“He’ll kill you,” Cas said.

Dean’s head jerked upward, facing Cas directly. “No,” he said. “He doesn’t want to do that.”

“So he’s in control when he hurts you,” said Cas.

“No!” said Dean quickly. Because that couldn’t be true. His father loved him or could. “When he’s mad he just— It flares up and then it’s over. And he’s sorry about it.”

“So he’s out of control,” said Cas. “Which means you’re in danger. Every time.”

Dean parted his lips to answer but Cas had him in a bind. Either John’s anger was out of control and a constant threat or it was in control and was used with full intention. Neither was good for Dean.

“I don’t want to leave,” said Dean, and that was more true than any of the apologies he’d tried to make on John’s behalf. He looked down between them. “I just want it to stop.”

Cas took a breath, almost started to say something, then didn’t. There was a kind of understanding in that holding back.

“What was it like for you?” Dean asked. It was the only reason he’d said anything. So that Cas would open up to him in turn. Cas thought there were things they had in common that Dean would understand.

“Different, probably,” said Cas. He went quiet, struggling with what to say, his eyes gazing nowhere as he grouped his thoughts. It was far easier to talk about Dean’s troubles than his own. “My mother was… unstable. Religious. Which made her hard to live with at the best of times. Never knowing which mother you were going to get.”

Dean could understand that. John was volatile too. It was a lot of work just planning for what version of John he’d meet in any given scenario.

“Would she hurt you?” he asked. He used the same word on purpose.

Cas didn’t cry, but he looked distant. “Yes,” he said. “She’d… She had punishments. She’d drag me by the ear to lock me in a cupboard for— for hours, when I’d done wrong.” Dean knew without Cas having to say that ‘doing wrong’ could be anything from causing trouble to colouring too loudly. He couldn’t imagine Cas being a trouble-making kid, not on purpose. But he mentioned being different when he grew up. Too emotional, finding it difficult to connect. That would be ‘wrong’ too.

“If we didn’t listen or were found impertinent, she would slap us,” said Cas.

“We?” said Dean.

“My siblings and I,” said Cas.

“I never knew you had siblings,” said Dean.

“Four of them,” said Cas. “They never left. I think. If they had, I hope they’d find me.” He shifted, picking at clover. “Then again, they had less trouble listening or understanding the right answer. I could never seem to figure it out. I was… different. And because I was a… a target, I think they didn’t always know that they had more in common with me than her.”

“And that’s why you left?”

Cas looked away and it told Dean how much more complicated it was than that.

“You said once…” Dean wet his lips before he spoke. “You said you didn’t feel like you had a choice.”

“I didn’t,” said Cas. “It was either live the way they wanted me to live, or leave. And I chose to leave.”

That made Cas probably the strongest person Dean knew. And just as Cas found it simpler to talk about Dean’s troubles, Dean found it easier to think of all Cas deserved.

“Remember what else you said?” Dean asked, the idea lighting up his mind as a fix for Cas’ incredible loneliness. “That you’d want a place with fresh air and animals where everything’s right. What if that was us? You know, like, around here so I didn’t really have to leave, but not with my dad, and—”

Cas was looking at him strangely. Dean’s excitement must have been somehow out of place, or the idea unappealing when Dean included himself. Cas hadn’t been making an offer of somewhere to stay, for Dean, when he warned him that John was a danger. This must not be what he was thinking of it all.

“Sorry,” said Dean quickly. His face flushed again, not helped by the heavy heat of the day. “I thought— When you said that, it sounded— It sounded so nice. But you want that on your own.”

“No, not on my own,” said Cas. “That defeats the point.”

“Right,” said Dean, and he placed his hands on the ground beside him, about to launch himself away from his foolish entry into the conversation. He needed to get away from Cas. He was hot. He should swim. If he could bear to get undressed.

Cas curled a hand around the inside of Dean’s arm just above the crease of his elbow. It wasn’t an iron grip, but it was solid, keeping him in place when he otherwise would’ve gone.

“I like spending my time with you,” Cas said in a rush. It was like he was answering something else, something neither of them had said. He didn’t look at Dean. “If I could give you somewhere to stay, away from your father— If you wanted that, I would do it.”

“We’re just—” Dean hesitated. “We’re just talking dreams, Cas,” he said.

“Why should it only be a dream?” said Cas.

This was more than Dean had ever reckoned on. So heavy it felt like lifting a weight from the bottom of a river.

“I mean that if you want to leave,” said Cas, “then you should. You could do it.” He let go of Dean’s arm, fingertips dragging away from his skin.

“It’s not as simple as that,” said Dean, finding himself confused. In one breath he suggested buying a farm with Cas, and in the next that he could never leave his father. It was just that what they talked about sounded too perfect to ever truly exist. How could Dean put any faith in something that exceeded his wildest dreams like that?

“If I bought a house with space for horses,” said Cas.

“Jeez, Cas,” said Dean.

“Would you come stay?”

“Are you for real?”

“If I could do it this minute, I would,” said Cas. “I don’t want to say goodbye and know you’ll go back to that house with John.”

“Could you do it?” said Dean. “Is that even possible?”

“I could figure it out,” said Cas. “One word. From you, and…”

“You think we can do this?” said Dean. “Then… Okay.”

And that was all it took. Cas leaned forward and kissed him.

Dean didn’t have time to think of it or react. The press of their lips was warm, sudden. A dangerous spark in a dry forest. As he pulled back, so did Cas, looking anxious.

“What was that?” said Dean.

Cas hadn’t looked away from Dean’s face, although there was something to the way he held his body, like he expected to run. “I just—” he said. His voice was every bit as gravelly and flat as usual, but he sounded uncertain, a rare note. “I…”

Cas had kissed him. Dean’s brain and body couldn’t make sense of it, couldn’t work together in any sensible way any longer. His heart started pounding. The heat of the day made sweat rise on the back of his neck and above the lip of his mouth. He was frozen but he was supposed to be doing something. Running from this, striking out, kissing Cas, jumping into the river.

“I shouldn’t’ve—” Cas looked stricken now. “I want to help you and it’s not— I made a mistake.”

Wasn’t this Dean’s fault? Just days ago he had wrapped himself around Cas in the shade of a garden and silently begged for his affection in any shape. He’d had that untoward dream the same night. The colour rose high in Dean’s cheeks and he looked swiftly at the river. Cas hadn’t kissed him in the dream, only touched him, but already Dean’s mind was conflating the real and the imagined, completely out of his control. Dean had stared too long the night of the rain storm. He’d been wrong to and he’d made this happen and it was all because he was broken up into pieces and he got things confused and now there was this, which was too much to handle.

Next to him, Cas rested his forehead against his fist, eyes scrunching closed. “I’m sorry, Dean,” he said.

Dean’s mouth remembered the touch of their lips and wouldn’t let go. He felt they were reddened by Cas’ kiss, the same as that day in the attic, that day when enchantment poisoned itself into sharp fear and which was exactly like right now. There was something wrong with him for all of this. For the fact that he wanted to kiss Cas again and really know what it felt like. If he was damned he wanted to know what he was damned for.

“I’m sorry,” Cas said again. “I thought you were like me.”

It struck Dean for the first time what that would mean. What it would be to be like Cas. What it meant Cas was. And how if he were to say Cas was correct right now, that Dean was not like him, it didn’t feel at all true. How if he were to be able to act on what was true, that would mean giving over to what was in him. He felt so miserable and scared and all he wanted was for Cas to cover over Dean’s body with his own. To hide in Cas’ collar, in the very hollow of his clavicle, the place he’d wanted to kiss just three days ago when he stole comfort from Cas in the garden.

He dragged his gaze back to Cas, who looked equally mired in his own despair.

“Cas,” he said, not certain of what he meant to follow. And when Cas looked at him he leaned in and kissed him.

Cas lost a sound against Dean’s mouth, a melting hum. His hand found the small of Dean’s back. This kiss came with another renewed one, chasing it, then Dean bowed his head, breaking it off but not breaking away. His body shifted deeper into Cas, his hand clutching Cas’ shirt, his forehead resting against the base of Cas’ neck. Cas held onto him this time, cheek brushing against the top of Dean’s head. A hand came up to stroke through Dean’s hair.

“Cas,” he said wretchedly.

“It’s okay,” said Cas. As much as anything could be okay. For a bare second, Dean wanted to believe it would be.

[ang3l0fde4th4ndd0gs]

James X Remus (Moonchaser fic)

Word Count: 664

James had been practicing out on the Quidditch pitch all day, and of course, he smelled like it. Remus never cared about that however, he just enjoyed watching the boy walk in after he’d gotten back from practice or a game, his dark skin glistening with sweat and his hair a mess. James was probably the prettiest thing Remus had ever seen when he was like that.

“Moony, you’re staring.”James teased as he removed his Quidditch jersey.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize.”Remus mumbled, not being able to stop staring despite his embarrassment.

“I’m headed to the showers.”James said which fell deaf on Remus’ ears.

“Hm?”

“I’m gonna shower.”James repeated. “Just letting you know. Sirius is still out with Mary and Pete’s still out with Dorcas. So you’ll be alone up here.”

“I’ll be fine. Been alone all day.”

“Full moon’s in a few days. You shouldn’t be alone.”

“Where would I even go?”

“Could go to the library if you wanted. At least there’s people there.”

“I’d rather be here, honestly. Everything hurts.”

“Then I’ll stay here.”

“You’re exhausted. I’m sure you’re sore…”Remus swallowed hard, trying not to let his mind wander. “You should really shower.”

James grinned and grabbed his towel from the floor by his bed, starting to wipe the sweat from his skin. Remus forced himself to turn his attention back to the book in his hands.

“You seem distracted, Remus.”James said, changing into his sweatpants.

“It’s really nothing, Prongs.”

“You usually are. At least when I’m around, it seems like you are.”

“Don’t think about that too hard.”

“Remus, c’mon. You know you can talk to me.”

Remus sighed and set his book in his lap. James walked over and sat on Remus’ mattress beside him.

“James, go shower.”Remus said, looking up at the bespectacled boy.

“No. Something’s going on. Normally you’re at least more open with me. C’mon.”

“Why does it matter so much if I'm upset or not?”

“Cause you're one of my best friends and I care about your well-being.”

Remus rolled his eyes and set the book aside. James raised an eyebrow.

“I fancy you, unfortunately.”Remus confessed. “You have it bad for two other people and yet, I have it bad for you. That's why I didn't want to talk.”

“Oh…”James muttered, staring at his lap for a moment. “I had no idea…”

“Yeah, I've tried to be quiet. Clearly my eyes have different priorities.”

“How’d you know you had feelings for me?”

“I don't know. Pretty sure friends don't think about making out with their friends.”

“Would you ever want to act on it?”

“Maybe…”

“Here.”

James leaned forward and pressed his lips to Remus’. Remus grabbed hold of James' sweatpants and kissed back. James gasped against Remus' lips when he felt the boy’s nails dig into his skin.

“Shit, sorry.”Remus mumbled against James’ lips.

“No, don't apologize. That felt… good.”

“Oh?”

Remus kissed James again, more deliberately this time. James gripped Remus’ sweater in his hands.

“What the hell?!”Sirius yelped as he walked into the room and saw the two of them.

James let go of Remus' shirt and leaned back. “Sorry, Pads.”

“No-no. It's okay. When did this happen?”

“A bit ago…”

“So you're dating…?”

“Not yet? I'm not sure. It was an experiment.”

Remus blushed hard and leaned back against his headboard again. Sirius raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest.

“From here it didn't look like an experiment,”he said. “Looked more… personal than that.”

“I'm not gonna push that on Remus, okay?”James replied.

Remus scoffed. “No, by all means. Push it on me. I asked first anyway.”

James squeaked and his cheeks turned a deep red at the comment. “Weirdest way I've ever been asked out. But, yes. It was personal and yes it's… I guess we're dating.”

“Figured so. I'll leave you to it.”Sirius winked at the two boys and left the room, smirking.

[destieltropecollection]

DESTIEL TROPE COLLECTION 2023 | DAY 3 | S15 Fix Its

i wanna be your lover fighter | @angelwiththeblue-box

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,056 Main Tags/Warnings: Fix-It, Major Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, AU, Happy Ending, Summary: what if dean is the one who confesses first?

There's Something About Jenny | @whichstiel

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,965 Main Tags/Warnings: Jenny the vampire, Time travel Summary: A fix-it for the finale.

Heavenly | @sunshine-zenith

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2,864 Main Tags/Warnings: Past Major Character Death/Set In Heaven, Post s15ep20, happy ending, humor, minor angst, Cas has some self worth issues Summary: Cas has been avoiding Dean in heaven, despite Dean's best efforts to find some information on the guy. The others made a point to bash over his head how Dean and Castiel had apparently been in love and could have been together for over a decade if he had just gotten his head out of his ass sooner (again, super unfair. It takes two to make up destiel, and it's not like Cas had been rushing to declare his undying love until just before he died for the last time. Unless you count that other time in the barn where he thought he was dying, but the angel totally chickened out when he backtracked with his “I love you all.” This wasn’t all on Dean, and he was taking that fact to the- well. Not grave. They’re all a little past that at that point). Luckily, eventually, Cas comes to him.

Sit in the Presence of the Sun | @aaronthe8thdemon

Rating: Mature Word Count: 3,125 Main Tags/Warnings: Post-Season/Series 15, Angst, Suicide Attempt, Major Character Undeath, Sad Dean Winchester, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Misunderstandings, Winged Castiel (Supernatural), Selectively Mute Dean Winchester, Angel Castiel Summary: “Why wouldn’t Dean want to see you?” “When I…” Castiel very deliberately continues watching the sun instead of Sam. “I’m not comfortable discussing this with you. I’m sorry.” “Okay…?” “It’s fine. Jack has already informed me that Dean doesn’t want any of us to bother him.” Now Sam groans. “Really? No, Cas! Dean doesn’t wanna see me or Jack! I’m pretty sure he just didn’t believe Jack when we tried telling him you’re back, and he fucking - escaped from the hospital when I wasn’t there and took off for Jody’s! He never said he doesn’t want to see you!” Castiel shakes his head. “That doesn’t matter. I… when I protected him in the dungeon, there’s no way around the fact that my actions were extremely upsetting for him. He doesn’t want to see me.”

There'll be peace when you are done - are you done? | @brainfuzz

Rating: General Word Count: 3,216 Main Tags/Warnings: Fix-it fic, no warnings apply Summary: Canon compliant right to the shitty end, and then goes and explains all the gaps and why that's not the end.

These Words Are All We Have (We’ll Be Talking) | @sunshine-zenith

Rating: Mature Word Count: 3,625 Main Tags/Warnings: Injury, Blood, Hurt Cas, Crying Cas and Dean, Dean has Self Worth Issues, Human Cas (S15 fix it), Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Bittersweet Ending Summary: When the Empty comes to collect Cas, Dean doesn't let it take him. The aftermath of this leaves Cas without his Grace and with a bleeding cut across his throat, and Dean questioning his worthiness of Cas's love.

this is the only thing i’ve ever had any faith in | @watchinghimrakeleaves

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3,760 Main Tags/Warnings: season 15 fix it, post canon, human cas, retired hunter dean winchester Summary: The world is safe, Dean and Cas own a bar on the beach, and Dean is ready to ask Cas for something he could have never imagined he was allowed to have.

Devotional | @whichstiel

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4,034 Main Tags/Warnings: The Empty, Resurrection Summary: A devotional is a little meditative prayer centered around a story. We start with THE WORD, follow up with a story, and walk away with a little revelation to ponder. I give you Castiel’s devotionals.

Signal | @diminuel

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 7,176 Main Tags/Warnings: S15 Fix-It, Interdimensional phone calls, Resurrected Castiel (Cas is still an angel), Crack Treated Seriously, Happy Ending, Fluff, Requited Love Summary: When the Empty grabbed Castiel he was prepared for this to be the end of him. There would be no more resurrections, no more loopholes, nothing but eternal sleep. But then his phone rings, piercing through the oblivion and Cas is wide awake. Turns out he’s got cell service in the Empty.

it's not a miracle you need | @brillemos

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 7,711 Main Tags/Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, First Kiss Summary: Jack refuses to help save Cas from the Empty. Dean has no clue how to do it and enlists Sam and Eileen's help. It turns out the answer was within Cas all along, but getting there isn't easy.

how fast the night changes (WIP) | @closetoyou1970

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 7,915 Main Tags/Warnings: Season 15 Fix-It, Dean Rescues Cas From The Empty, New Relationship, Road Trip, Retirement, Grieving and Healing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angel Cas Endgame Summary: Cas is back from the Empty, but Dean is still too traumatized by watching him die to set foot back in the bunker. With no apocalypse on the horizon and with a deathbed love confession still hanging heavy in the air between them, Dean suggests his go-to idea: that the pair of them take off together and drive around the backroads of flyover country until they figure it out. (Post-series road trip fic.)

if you ran away, just come home | @heller-castiel

Rating: No Rating Word Count: 9,172 Main Tags/Warnings: Grief/Mourning, Selectively Mute Dean Winchester, Woman in White Dean Winchester, Canonical Character Death, Fix-it, Angst With a Happy Ending, Human Castiel Summary: Dean wandered, after. The night that Chuck died, subsumed into Amara, he had silently climbed into his car in the dead of night, walking past Jack's room, past Sam's room. In his room, Sam laid in his bed with Eileen, and felt the air displace itself around where Dean slipped past in the hallway, instincts attuning him to movement just as they made Dean move soundlessly, without a thought to it. but Dean didn’t think of that. Dean only thought of moving, getting out, going - Going to something the bunker couldn’t be, anymore. Something he couldn’t ever go to. But he had to go.

Know And Understand | @aaronthe8thdemon

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 10,387 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Episode AU: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Time Travel, Episode: s04e02 Are You There God? It's Me Dean Winchester, Grief/Mourning, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Angel Castiel Summary: The Cas that reappears in the bunker after Chuck is defeated isn't their Cas. After supposedly being taken by the Shadow, Castiel has no idea why he immediately crash-lands in Bobby Singer's wrecking yard just days after Dean was raised from Hell. Jack is just trying to fix everything and surprisingly, Gabriel turns out to be really good at damage control. In both times, Sam has no idea what the hell's going on anymore and at this point he's almost too scared to ask.

I would do anything for love... but I won't do that | @startswitheff

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 11,001 Main Tags/Warnings: Post-Canon Fix-It, Dean Winchester Uses Actual Words, Eventual Smut, Human!Castiel, Top!Castiel, Bottom!Dean Winchester Summary: When Dean pulls Castiel from the Empty, he knows he wants to be by his side for the rest of his life. But is he ready for everything that entails? Otherwise known as the “and that’s how…” fic.

Summer Blues | @deanabean

Rating: Mature Word Count: 11,193 Main Tags/Warnings: Retrospective, Dean Winchester-centric, POV Dean Winchester, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Selectively Mute Dean Winchester, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Competent Dean Winchester, yCastiel and Dean Winchester are Jack Kline's Parents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Canon Fix-It, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester Summary: As Dean sits here alone in the dark of this summer's night, going through some sort of an introspection journey deep down memory lane _ as he’s finding himself doing more and more for a while now _ as he tries his hardest to make sense of things. Of memories. Yes, Dean thinks; hindsight is like looking through a sharp, new set of eyes. Sometimes disorienting, yet the closest thing to crystal clear.

Status quo ante bellum | @angelinthefire

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 11,201 Main Tags/Warnings: human!Castiel, light angst, canon-typical alcohol consumption Summary: Cas is back from the Empty, human, and convinced that his relationship with Dean is unsalvagable. Can Dean get his shit together in time to prove otherwise?

Dean daily | @fellshish

Rating: Mature Word Count: 11,840 Main Tags/Warnings: Epistolatory, denial, social media, fix-it Summary: Cas has been rescued from the Empty. Dean suffers from extreme denial about being in love with him. Epistolary / social media fic with Dean POV snippets for every day.

The Council Of Charlie Bradbury | @pointyearedelvishprincling

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 13,157 Main Tags/Warnings: post 15x18, angel!cas, selective mutism, angst with a happy ending, pov Charlie Bradbury, pov dean winchester, pov castiel, emotional hurt/comfort, LOTR references Summary: It's been a few weeks since Cas got out of the Empty, and Dean can't accept that there's finally peace in the world. Watching the camera footage of the dungeon scene on repeat probably isn't helping. Cas is content to give Dean space to heal, even if the loneliness at the end of the journey is settling in. On the request of Sam, not that she needed an excuse, Charlie spends the night in the Bunker trying to figure out what's going on with these idiots, and getting more answers than she bargained for. With the help of Stevie, she comes up with a plan that might finally bring Dean and Cas together.

something you love (something you lose) | @nessarose-thropp

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 15,308 Main Tags/Warnings: Post-Episode: s14e20 Moriah, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Temporary Character Death, Rough Sex, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Suicidal Ideation, Grief/Mourning, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Hopeful Ending, Angel Castiel Summary: “Story's over,” Chuck says, “Welcome to The End.” And with that everything goes dark and cold. The darkness and rot of souls and bodies surrounds them. He doesn’t dare touch Jack again, just stares at his lifeless body lit only by unnatural moonlight. He’s vaguely aware of the threat slowly encircling them, but none of it matters. Nothing matters anymore. Somewhere, something deep inside of him-not his earthly body but his true angel self-awakens. It’s a type of power and heat he hasn’t felt in years. It’s uncontrollable and unforgiving. Light and righteousness and fury coalescing into something terrifying. Castiel lets out a scream, an anguished cry from his human mouth and a piercing angelic shriek, and with it releases whatever it was that had been growing within him. When he feels it leave, his consciousness finally returns to the present, to the Earth and to his vessel and to Sam and Dean and to Jack and it’s light out again. The sun is shining just as it was minutes ago, and there is no sign of any dark forces around them. No ghosts, no zombies, no demons, just two men, an angel, and the body of a dead Nephilim. - Jack is gone, Chuck is in the wind, and Cas must find a way to cope.

The Little Issue with the Mission to Perdition | @amaranthhiding

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 16,460 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon Universe, Post-Ep 15x19, Jack & Amara family bonding, Jack and Amara Try Fixing Things Together but Make Everything Worse, Team Free Will 3.0, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Castiel/Dean First Kiss, POV Alternating (Jack, Amara, Dean, Sam, Castiel) Summary: Chuck is defeated and his power now belongs to Jack and Amara. They struggle with adjusting to their newly-shared existence, and with big questions such as, how can (almost) all-powerful beings avoid becoming what Chuck was? What even is all that power good for when it doesn't allow Jack to save someone from the Empty who absolutely deserves being saved? Who thought it was a good idea to hand all that power to two beings who, together, have spent less years on Earth than the average human child? ...And why is there suddenly black goo everywhere?

In the Rolling Up of Sleeves | @the-elf-barbarian

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 20,344 Main Tags/Warnings: S15 fix it Cas is human/in heaven, Dean and Cas are dead/in heaven, Canon typical Alcohol Abuse, Canon typical reference to Child Abuse, Domestic Fic, Magical Realistic Heaven, Failure to communicate, The Unrelenting Search for Happiness, Hurt/Comfort but like... for Us Summary: When Cas arrives in heaven, sometime after sacrificing himself to the Empty - he and Jack realize just how wrong Chuck got it when he built heaven. And, just how much work they have in store to prepare heaven for the arrival of those they love. Meanwhile, in the wake of Chuck’s defeat, Dean finds a way to forge a life with this new, more free, world while grappling with the knowledge of Cas’s true feelings. When they finally meet in heaven, will they finally get the afterlife they deserve - learning and building, to make the Heaven they have spent so long fighting for - or will Cas’s fears about how he escaped from The Empty endanger it all? What was that, wayward sons, about there being peace when you were done?

to the wonder of all things | @hauntedpearl

Rating: General Word Count: 21,164 Main Tags/Warnings: Fix-It, Empty rescue, Hell rescue, Flashbacks, Angel!Cas, Love Confessions, First Kiss Summary: The Empty puts Castiel to sleep. The sound of prayer wakes him up. He follows this call echoing through the void and relives pieces of his life as he journeys towards the voice — towards freedom. Towards Dean.

One Week Later | @squirrelofcelestialintent

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 23,208 Main Tags/Warnings: Panic attacks, alcohol as a coping mechanism, bisexual dean, internalized homophobia, switching, gentle dom cas, identity crisis, graceless/human Castiel, discussions of sex work Summary: “Touch-starved”. It’s one of those terms (along with “alcoholic” and “abused child”) that Dean has worked very hard to keep on the other side of the big fat concrete wall in his brain. The one that, until now, only weakens when he’s truly, deeply shit-faced. But Cas has made a career out of breaking through Dean’s walls, it only makes sense that he’d tear this one down too, if he just died enough times. Ripped Dean’s heart out just enough so that the foundations of family and duty and sacrifice can crumble and leave Dean even more of a desperate, black hole of need than he was before. Chuck is dead, and Cas… Cas is back. And Dean is supposed to be happy. It’s time to decide what he wants to do with the rest of his life. But how can he do that, when every time he’s not physically touching Cas he starts to have a panic attack that none of this is real, and it’s all just another one of Chuck’s games? Who knows. So, he lets himself touch Cas. Constantly. It’s that or face a complete, Chernobyl-scale meltdown. At least Cas doesn’t seem to mind.

there's no cell service in the afterlife | @payphoneangel

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 27,404 Main Tags/Warnings: finale fix-it, Angst with a Happy Ending, Alcoholism, Family Dynamics, Jack Kline is Not God, Suicidal Thoughts, Empty deal, Blood and Injury, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Masturbation Summary: Castiel is resurrected from The Empty. While Dean is recovering from casting the spell that brought him back, Cas checks his voicemail. Turns out, they both just might be able to say what it is they want.

Inherit the Earth | @malicmalic

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 29,167 Main Tags/Warnings: S15 fix it, Castiel Lives, First kiss, MPreg, TopCas/Bottom Dean, comfort, Jack is God, Light angst, Fluff, Happy ending. Summary: Prompt: Cas and Dean deal with a surprise pregnancy. Or the one where the world didn't end, Jack defeated Chuck and Dean and Cas got their happily ever after.

The Blood Curse | @labgeek2002

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 32,690 Main Tags/Warnings: Angel Cas, post season 15 fix-it, internalized homophobia, time travel Summary: Castiel has been rescued from the Empty, but the spell used to retrieve him tears a hole in the dimensional wall that acts as barrier protecting Earth from the pull of everlasting darkness. As the Empty feeds off of Castiel's grace to sustain itself, driving him closer to death with every passing minute, Dean becomes desperate to save him. The only way to repair the damage is for Dean, Sam, and Cas to travel back in time to obtain a witch's stone that's in the possession of John Winchester, circa 2002. A twenty-three year old Dean Winchester will serve as their guide as they navigate the tumultuous father-son relationship that transcends time itself before the Empty draws its final curtain.

Buffer Time | @sunshine-zenith

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 42,728 Main Tags/Warnings: Referenced to past character death (minor and major), slight psychological horror, sexual humor, mental health issues, Fusion/AU Hopping, everyone needs hugs, s15 fix it, Angel Cas, Happy Ending Summary: When Dean wakes up in his town's jailcell with a disoriented Cas, he happily roles with it. Sure, he knows he'll be the laughing stock of the town for a few days -- what deputy locks himself in his own jailhouse? -- but as long as Cas is there, things are fine. Until he realizes his memory is unusually fuzzy. Until Cas starts acting strange and morose. Until he starts having brief flashes of Cas being taken from him by an inky black entity. Until Cas starts talking about plot holes and tropes. Until he wakes up by a fire in the woods, on a quests to fight a dragon --no wait, in an ambulance, late for his shift as a surgeon-- no wait- Dean's just trying to figure out why he and Cas keep waking up in different genres and why Cas seems so distant, while Sam works with Eileen, Gabriel, and a few others to do the same on the other side of a laptop. (WandaVision inspired finale fix-it)

Creatures of Light | @aishitara

Rating: Mature Word Count: 44,075 Main Tags/Warnings: Angel!Cas, temporary MCD, temporary canonical MCD, canon-typical depictions of violence, Castiel and Dean Winchester have a profound bond, angst with a happy ending, creature!Cas, trueform!Cas, surrealism, non-linear storytelling, love confessions, heavy reliance on scenes from potentially triggering episodes of season 15. Summary: Dean is in Heaven. He’s got everything he could ever want at his fingertips, a literal eternity of peace laid before him for the having, but he can’t help thinking — how can it really be his Heaven if Cas isn’t there? Then one day, Dean goes for a drive. And at the end of it he finds something he truly did not expect. Another chance, maybe, to find Cas and confront him about his parting words to Dean. To figure out what it is he wants and to take it, for once, without guilt or shame. Another chance to live free.

And Neither Do You | @withclawsandsympathy

Rating: Mature Word Count: 45,309 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon Divergence, Blood and Violence, POV Dean, bi Dean, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dean Winchester is Loved, Body Horror, Horror, Character Death Fix, Fox-It, Quote: Family Don’t End With Blood (Supernatural), Angel!Cas, Finale Rewrite Summary: “Come, now,” he heard Cas rasp. It wasn’t coming from the phone anymore, but from right outside the door. Dean lowered the phone and took a hesitant step forward, his bare foot sinking into the damp, rotting carpet. “Cas, what’s wrong? I don’t … You’re not making any sense.” “I have something for you,” Cas said, and this time it came as a whisper in a language Dean didn’t know, yet somehow understood. Dean froze in his tracks, his hand hovering just over the doorknob. He wanted so desperately for it to be Cas on the other side of this door, but he knew deep down that something was horribly, horrifically wrong. The rise of a new, hands-off God has unintended consequences, and the promise of free will reaches further than anyone intended. In the absence of the one who'd locked them away, and beneath the cracked and abused surface of the Midwest, an Old God stirs. Here, death is not the peace you're looking for, and there's one person left to save. Or: family don't end in blood, and neither does Dean Winchester.

Finally (WIP) | @nanianela

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 70,698 Main Tags/Warnings: Season/Series 15, Sam Winchester/Eileen Leahy, Canon Compliant, Fix-It, Soul Bonds, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Post-Finale, Engaged Castiel/Dean Winchester, Magical Pregnancy Summary: Castiel manages to escape the Empty, but on borrowed time. Before he hands over his grace, he accidentally forges an angelic bond to Dean, his new life mate, and grace tainted with humanity has no place in the angel afterlife. The bond forces Dean and Cas to navigate new waters, as they can now see into each other’s minds and feel what the other feels. Grace sex between Dean’s soul and Cas’s grace becomes a new normal in the couple’s lives, until it causes something they never thought possible...

Carve a Palace From Within | @norahastuff

Rating: Mature Word Count: 75,930 Main Tags/Warnings: Background Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, mention of canon Cas/Djinn queen, 15x20 doesn't exist (except to dunk on), Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent, Introspection for everybody, The Power Of Love, Dean's Top 13 Zepp Traxx Mixtape, Billie is not a villain (this one's important to me), I will drag these idiots to the beach if it kills me, Cas is something between angel and human Summary: The world is saved, Chuck has been defeated, and with the help of Amara and Jack, they managed to rescue Cas from the Empty. It's over. It's all over. So, what now? Sam wants to continue on as a Man of Letters and help other hunters and Dean and Cas want to open up a Roadhouse-style bar, but old habits die hard, and it’s surprisingly easy to fall back into their established routine of monsters and hunting - that is until they run into trouble on a case and have to take a step back and evaluate what’s truly important. Just when it seems like things are finally falling into place, an old friend returns and they discover there's still one of Chuck’s messes they need to clean up. The cosmic forces at the top may have a plan to fix it, but it’s Dean who will have to play the pivotal role. In order to do so, he’ll have to confront his past, face up to who he really is and acknowledge just how far he's willing to go to get the job done. One thing’s for sure, though: this is their story and he refuses to let it end as a tragedy. They deserve better. They’ve earned the chance to be free.

Forget your perfect offering | @angelinthefire

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 81,785 Main Tags/Warnings: fix-it, angel!cas, top castiel/bottom dean winchester, angelic grace sex, minor homophobia, angel family, dadstiel, canon-typical alcohol use, panic attack, happy ending Summary: Cas was resurrected. Dean told Cas that he loves him, that he can have everything he wanted, but Cas has to stay with him. Cas promised that he would. The thing is, he didn’t realize how literal Dean was being. Now, Cas works on rebuilding Heaven with the angels, while he builds a new life with Dean. Neither of those things are as easy as Cas would have liked.

There Are Roads Left in Both of Our Shoes | @hawkland

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 117,878 Main Tags/Warnings: human!Cas, series fixit, road trip, nightmares, emotional hurt/comfort, switching Dean/Cas, soul bonds Summary: What happens when Cas wakes up in the Empty a second time, and rescues his own damn self? At first, it seems like the happy ending Dean thought he’d lost his chance to ever know. But as the two set out on a celebratory road trip and begin enjoying their new life together, there’s a darkness clinging to Cas that refuses to completely let go. They may need to make an altogether different kind of journey in order to put the past fully behind them. And meanwhile, where is Jack, anyway?

Beyond This Illusion | @skybird87

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 161,339 Main Tags/Warnings: Post Finale, Human Cas, Internalized Homophobia, Coming Out, Homophobic Language, Top Dean, Bottom Cas, Panic Attacks, Team as Family, Slow Burn Summary: “Are you serious, Dean? Your djinn-dream started with you dying?” Sam asks incredulously from the passenger. “Well, technically it started with us going on a hunt,” Dean points out. He licks his lips, jaw clenching. “I mean, there was Heaven, too, and that was pretty cool.” Sam stares at him. “Sorry, man, but that just sounds pretty lame.” He leans back and folds his arms. “Kinda sounds like something Chuck would cook up. Just you and me. No one else. I mean, really?” *~*~* In which some people come back, Cas learns to be human (the right way, this time), Dean Winchester finally realizes that good things do happen, and they all get their version of the post-credits, apple-pie life they deserved. AKA: Screw Chuck's narrative.

[nero-vanderwolf]

Shinjiro Aragaki was many things. 

A fool, a coward, a self-destructive idiot. 

He hated being back at S.E.E.S. He hated Aki reaching out, desperately trying to rekindle what Shinji had deliberately snuffed out so long ago. He hated the fact that Ken Amada was there, was allowed to be there. He hated the feeling of Ken’s eyes on him, fully aware that he deserved to be watched. 

Shinji was many things. A good person wasn’t one of them. 

The walls of the Iwatodai dorms were thin as paper. More than once, Shinji had gotten a fist against the wall from Aki whenever he played his music a bit too loud or with a bit too much bass. 

It was gut-wrenching now, being able to hear everything in Aki’s room. 

He was crying, fucking crying, and Mitsu was comforting him. And the conversation was about him, Shinjiro. 

“I just- I don’t know what the hell to do... I wouldn’t blame him for hating me, honestly- I didn’t call him once to ask how he was doing, or whenever I went to see him I never offered a place to sleep- I was such a godawful friend, holy shit, no wonder he doesn’t like me anymore.” 

Mitsu echoed Shinji’s own thoughts, thankfully. Always the voice of reason, she was. 

“He doesn’t hate you. Just... give him some time to readjust to being here. He’ll warm up to you again, I’m sure.” 

Shinji sat against the wall, letting his head fall back with a dull thunk. 

Aki’s room went silent, save for the sound of faint sniffling. 

“...Shinji...?” Aki’s voice asked tentatively, and Shinji would never have guessed he’d been crying only a few moments earlier. “Are you okay?” 

“...‘M fine. Just tripped,” he answered, keeping his voice down. He wanted to run into Aki’s room, hug him and tell him it would all be okay. 

But he had to keep his distance. For everyone’s sake. 

Unfortunately, that Arisato kid made it difficult. He kept choosing both Aki and Shinji to make the trek into Tartarus, along with Aigis. It was almost irritating, but Shinji refused to get mad. He wouldn’t lash out again. 

“Aragaki-senpai, there’s a Shadow ahead. Think you and I could take it on?” Arisato asked, readying his sword. 

Shinji grunted in response, hefting his axe. “I could probably take it on by myself. With your power? No doubt about it.” 

Suddenly, much to his surprise, the ever-stoic leader smiled. It was faint, but he straightened up a bit and adjusted his grip on his sword. The two charged. 

“Stop.” 

Shinji froze, compelled by the voice.

Aki stood behind him, and Shinji slowly turned around. Caught right by the stairs- he could bolt if he wanted.

“What the hell is it this time?” He asked, trying desperately, so desperately, to further that rift between them. It hurt, but he knew it was for the best. 

Aki strode forward, closing the gap between them. Whether it was the physical gap, or the metaphorical one, Shinji wasn’t sure. Probably both. 

Definitely both. Shinji couldn’t stay away from Aki, even if he tried. And he tried. 

Aki’s expression shifted, and there was a softness to his eyes that Shinji found incredibly unfair. He wanted to reach out, to hug Aki close and never let go. 

Instead, he stayed silent, waiting for Aki to make the first move. 

Aki reached out, and hugged him. Shinji closed his eyes, wrestling with the urge to give in, to hug him back and finally let go of his fear. 

“What the hell is going on...? Do you hate me, Shinji?” 

Shinji almost started crying, hearing the emotion in Aki’s voice. No, no he didn’t hate him. He could never hate him, never. 

“...No. I don’t,” was all he could choke out. Aki pulled back, an unreadable expression on his face. Shinji hated when he couldn’t tell what his friend was thinking. 

“You sure are acting like it. If you don’t hate me, then why the hell are you avoiding me like this? Why the hell aren’t you talking to me? If I fucked up, stop playing this game and just tell me!” 

Shinji couldn’t breathe. He felt as though Aki had punched him. 

“This... Isn’t a game...” He choked out. He felt like he was being strangled. Something was ripping at his insides, screaming for release. 

The world was plunged into green, and he almost threw up. He was about to lose control again. He was going to hurt Aki. More blood would be on his hands, and this time it would be the blood of his dearest friend. 

In the green light of the Dark Hour, Aki looked pale. Even paler than usual, Shinji would garner. 

“Shinji... Shinji! Hey, look at me. Focus- It’s okay, it’ll be okay. You’re okay. Stop trying to fight him, you’re making it worse.” 

Shinji felt warm hands on his cheeks, and was suddenly aware of the wetness on them as well. He was crying, Aki was holding his face and their foreheads were pressed together. He wanted so many things, yet could have none of them. 

Castor screamed in his head, demanding to be released. Demanding to see Pollux. Demanding to be freed. Castor wanted the same things he did, yet Shinji knew. He would lose control in an instant if he released Castor. 

“Castor- He’s fightin’ again-” He warned, but Aki remained stubbornly in front of him. 

“You aren’t the only one with a Persona, Shinji. All of us can handle ourselves if he gets too rowdy.” 

“Aki-” 

“I’m not fucking leaving. Everyone in this dorm has a Persona,” Aki said, easing Shinji’s fall as his knees gave in. Castor was fighting even more now, screaming for the one thing Shinji couldn’t have. 

In their new position, Aki could hold him close, and did. Shinji was trembling against him, fighting against it weakly, but Castor demanded to stay there, content in Aki’s arms. 

He couldn’t have it. He couldn’t have anything. He couldn’t, he couldn’t- 

Why not? Castor asked, still tugging to be closer to Aki. 

I don’t want you to hurt him, Shinji responded. He swore he could hear Castor scoff. 

I would never hurt any of them. You were a child back then, forced to harness my power. You’re stronger now. You cannot control me, but you can work with me- or you could continue this fight until you die. 

Shinji choked back a sob, letting his head drop onto Aki’s shoulder. That night still haunted him, still stained his hands crimson. 

But Castor was right. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t Castor’s, either. 

Aki went still underneath him. “...Shinji...?” 

Shinji groaned, wrapping his arms around Aki’s waist. “‘M sorry for bein’ such an ass... I’ll make it up to you, Aki. Promise.” 

Aki sighed, holding him closer. Tighter. Castor was right- this was amazing. It was almost like being in the orphanage again, cuddling up to Aki after a rough fight on the blacktop. 

“Well, at least you admit you were an ass,” Aki laughed. 

Shinji laughed too. 

It felt nice. 

GAHHHHH AKISHINJI........ WHY ARE THEY SO FUCKED UP AND SAD!!!!! i love the castor content.... shinji not wanting to hurt aki while hes comforting him, saying it wasnt castor nor shinjis fault he didnt have control... and aki being scared that shinji hates him for avoiding him.... gahhhh.... this fic has it all

[oldiesstationlover11607]

For you - Tyler Joseph x Reader

Relationship: Tyler Joseph x Reader

Warnings: angst and cliffhanger ending, tyler crying :(

Word Count: 1710

Summary: A few weeks after graduating high school you break the news to your best friend Tyler that you're leaving Columbus.

Summer 2006

Tyler and I had been friends since we were six, and nothing ever changed between us. It had been two weeks since we’d graduated high school, and we’d decided to go on a road trip. While most of our friends had already chosen which colleges they wanted to attend, neither Tyler nor I had made a final decision yet—except I’d just made mine that morning.

We’d parked our car at the entrance to a forest about an hour from Columbus and walked into the greenery. It was a warm day, so I was wearing a t-shirt I’d gotten on a Disney World trip with Tyler and my family, and he was wearing a black muscle shirt that showed off the tattoos he’d gotten the day we graduated, the ink still vibrant.

“I still can’t believe you got those,” I laughed, closing the car door.

“I still can’t believe my mom didn’t kill me the second she saw them,” he quipped, leading the way to the trail. “Have you thought much about what you’re going to do now that we’re done with school?”

I knew he was going to ask that question. I’d deliberately chosen not to tell him when I saw him that morning. When he realized I wasn’t answering, he turned around and looked at me, giving me a look that screamed, “I can read your mind.” His hair was short, initially buzzed to keep it out of his face for basketball, but it had grown out since. I looked into his eyes, which compelled me to tell him everything; the look on his face begged, “Please.”

“Come on, Ty. We don’t need to talk about that right now,” I muttered and continued to walk on until he grabbed my hand.

“Don’t hide things from me, Y/N. We don’t do that,” he said. I pulled my hand out of his grip and let out a loud sigh. He had a point. I’d never kept a secret from Tyler, and when I did have one, he was the first person I told. We were always vulnerable with each other, too. Whenever he was struggling, he’d come and talk to me. He’d even share his music with me despite feeling embarrassed about it because he was ‘supposed to be a jock.’

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

He laughed at that. “How on earth would you hurt me? It’s not like you’re leaving, right?” I didn’t say anything. I stood there staring at him with a saddened look on my face, which seemed to be contagious. “It’s not like you’re leaving, right?” he repeated.

“Tyler…” I reached out to him, but he moved away. My worst fear had come true. He hated me.

“You promised me… you said you’d always be here for me, Y/N. You know I need you!” His eyes quickly turned glossy with tears welling up. I had promised that. But I also knew that I couldn’t always be there for him.

“I only got into one school, Ty! What else am I supposed to do? You know I want to do film,” I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

“You’re supposed to stay in Columbus with me!” he shouted back, two tears running down his face.

“It’s gonna to be okay, Tyler,” I moved closer to him, and the tears started pouring down his face, prompting me to bring him into a tight embrace. He started sobbing, bringing the reality of how much I meant to him to the front of my mind. I really hadn’t thought we were that close. He pulled away slightly from me and looked desperately into my eyes, his hands coming up and cupping my face in the most intimate way he’d ever treated me.

“I need you, Y/N. Don’t leave me alone.” I leant my forehead against his, my right hand cupping the back of his head.

“I’m sorry, Ty,” I whispered, closing my eyes. This was the moment he decided to press his lips to mine in a quick kiss, the saltiness of his tears bringing a depression to an otherwise desperate attempt to make me his. His lips were softer than I had expected them to be. I’d known Tyler through both of his high school girlfriends, and he’d never treated any of them like this before. I pulled away from the kiss, my eyes searching for some kind of explanation.

“Stay with me. I love you,” he pleaded.

“You know I can’t,” I responded, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you too.”

We spent the rest of the day walking through the forest and talking about the future. I’d decided to move to California and attend UCLA’s Film School on an arts scholarship. He still didn’t know what to do now that school was over; basketball was his life in school, but he didn’t want to keep doing it forever. We’d ultimately decided to make the most of the summer and make memories while we could, which resulted in a summer romance between us—the very thing I least expected when I’d woken up that morning.

The day I left for California was hard on Tyler, but I’d made sure to prepare him.

“Are you sure you have to go?” he asked, sitting on my bed while I packed my bags.

“You already know the answer to that. But you know we’ll text every day,” I looked up at him. We’d agreed to end the relationship when I left; four years on the other side of the country would make a serious relationship between us impossible, and we didn’t want to break up on bad terms. “Hey, don’t you have that music thing next week?” Tyler had met some people over the summer who were in local bands and had started attending gigs on the weekends.

“Yeah, but I’ll be too depressed missing you to write anything at the damn workshop,” he’d now rolled over onto his back and was looking at me upside down off the edge of the bed. We both knew that every second we had would be our last, and it was bringing the feeling in the room down.

“I’m proud of you, Ty. You know that, right?” He rolled back onto his stomach and jumped up in front of me.

“Yeah, I know, babe,” he used the one nickname I’d earned over the summer. He was the only one to ever call me that, and I loved him for it.

“I mean it. You’re going places.” I smiled up at him before pulling him in for a final hug. He pressed a kiss to my right temple before whispering, “I’m gonna miss you so much.”

“I love you,” I whispered back before pulling away to grab my suitcase and getting into my car. “Text me every day, Ty, and never ever stop dreaming.”

Summer 2012

I hadn’t spoken to Tyler in three years. He stopped texting me as we both got busier with school and work. The last I’d heard from him, he had formed a band with two of his community college friends, but in a call from my mom, she had told me it wasn’t working out. Other than the occasional call with my mom, I had no idea what was going on back home. For the last few years, I’d worked in the film industry as both a writer and director for short films, but no big projects had come out of it. I was sitting in my apartment eating breakfast on my first Saturday off in a month, ironically scrolling through my emails. Everything was from producers, except for one email from an address I was unfamiliar with: “Reel Bear Media.” I laughed at the film pun before opening the email addressed to “Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Dear Y/N Y/L/N,

My name is Mark. You don’t know me, but I’ve heard a lot about you from one of my clients. I’m well aware that you’re currently based in Los Angeles, California, but I have a work opportunity I’d like to offer you. I currently work as a content producer for an Ohio band with a small but rapidly growing fan base. I’d like to offer you the job (at the request of the front man) as a touring videographer for the band ‘Twenty One Pilots.’ I’ve attached my contact information and some of my photos if you’re interested.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Mark Eshleman”

I scrolled down to look at the attached photo file to come face to face with the boy—now man—I hadn’t seen in around six years.

He’d finally done it. Tyler had finally had the opportunity to make his music. He’d met someone–who I was sure he got along well with–who could truly help him succeed. I pulled out my phone and dialled the saved number I had for Tyler, praying that he hadn’t changed his it. It rang once, twice, I looked at the clock to make sure the time zones were right, three times. 

“Hello?”

“Tyler?” I crossed my fingers, hoping it was him. 

“Hi Y/N. It’s been a long time hasn’t it?” the sound of his voice had changed, deeper than the last time I’d heard it. I could hear the sound of his smirk, confidence sounded good on him. 

“I got the email from Mark. I can’t believe you remembered I did film, let alone even thought of me,” I spoke, the tone of surprise very clearly sounding through the phone. I could hear his laugh come through the speaker. 

“Of course I thought of you. There’s very little I wouldn’t do for you baby,” I grinned hearing the nickname for the first time since I left, “I take it you’re coming then?” I nodded, knowing he can’t see me at all but knew exactly what I’m doing. “Flights are booked then. Be at LAX at 12pm and Josh and I will be at the airport in Columbus as soon as you land.” I couldn’t believe he had the power to book plane tickets that quickly and pick exactly who he wanted as part of his project. 

“I'm so excited to see you! I just know Josh is gonna love you,” he spoke.

“Sorry, who’s Josh?”

//

A/N: I really really loved writing this one. It went from something I wasn't too sure about into something super cute ngl. I'll probably write a part two if people want it so make sure to either request it in the question box or comment below if you're keen. Also, please don't repost my writing onto other platforms because I do work hard to come up with these stories!

Thanks for reading <3

[dochkarauta]

jealousy jealousy

— my first little work in another language (i try :,) )

ships: carlando; loscar

tags: little drama, jealousy, happy end

read:

"i have new gossip)"

LN

"Oscar said they would break up with Logan because Logan is jealous of me lmao)"

LN

"god, you’re so lucky that you got me, Carlos."

LN

"you're great at eliminating the hardships of choice in my life, darling"

LN

"does Oscar give rise to jealousy?"

CS

"and I hope we're not talking about that McLaren video right now?"

CS

"exactly))) think about it: what kind of insecure idiot to be jealous of such a thing?"

LN

"although... yes, maybe Sargent has something to worry about)"

LN

"and what should he be worried about?"

CS

"you know, Oscar and I spend time together… all the time."

LN

"sometimes it seems to me that even more than them"

LN

"do Logan and Oscar live together, they’re not?"

CS

"outside of race weekends"

CS

"what makes you think that? I've never heard of it. Isn't Logan living in America now?"

LN

"he and Oscar have been living in the UK for the second year. before that, both lived somewhere else, maybe in America."

CS

"i’m afraid to ask, and how did you know that?"

LN

"I talked to Oscar recently in the paddock. and I read a couple of clippings from his interview."

CS

"and you spend so much time with him that you don't even know if he lives with Logan?"

CS

"it's strange that Oscar told you about their breakup, but didn't tell you about living together."

CS

"he said. in other words"

LN

"and I see his emotions, his irritation during the conversation. so something is definitely wrong."

LN

"well…"

CS

"and what did Oscar actually say?"

CS

"I'm telling you, Logan didn't like his answer to the question about the best teammate. Well, obviously, Oscar would have called me, why this stupid american drama?"

LN

"he would have named you because there are cameramen and people from McLaren sitting next to you, cabrón, make no mistake"

CS

"it doesn't affect the fact that I'm a cool friend and teammate in any way"

LN

"you should watch a few interviews with your teammate. he never calls you a friend when he talks with people unrelated to McLaren. I saw a clip from the show where Oscar lists close friends in the paddock, and there are at least two people in front of you, buddy."

CS

"you're kind of tense."

LN

"you're being disgusting, Lando."

CS

"you are deliberately provoking Oscar, thereby trying to hurt Logan and somehow interfere in their relationship. and this is not the first time. So with Alex and Russell, isn't that right?"

CS

"who am I provoking, darling? I don't care any of the listed ones at all. and Oscar could easily name his greatest american boy if he wanted to. I just asked a question that will be interesting to the audience. It's a damn show, who's offended by the show?"

LN

"we've known each other for so many years, and you've just started to get stressed out by my behavior. before that, what? oh, right, you could easily get distracted by a pretty face and close your eyes to everything"

LN

"but now there's a other pretty face, isn't there?"

LN

"what are you talking about?"

CS

"don't turn this on me, Lando. you literally feel proud and enjoy when you find out from somewhere or you can figure out that everything is bad between these two. Is that what friends do?"

CS

"you're also trying to get me emotional with your stories about how often you and Oscar are together. do you lack attention so much that you are ready to forcibly demand it from others and extract it from me in such a barbaric way?"

CS

"of course, as always, I am the most terrible. bravo, Carlos, what else could a loving and caring guy say"

LN

"I told you the truth. I want you to stop acting like a total bitch and leave them."

CS

"one more word in that tone, and you don't have to write to me anymore, okay?"

LN

"since I'm acting like a total bitch, you can go to anyone you don't think is like that. to Oscar, Logan, or at least to your perfect Leclerc, dude. idfc”

LN

"what does Charles have to do with it?"

CS

"I don't even know. google it, man»

LN

"maybe I really miss your attention so much, since I'm looking for it in others? It's worth thinking about, Carlos. I hope you will have time for this while you spend days and nights with your wonderful teammate."

LN

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought I was dating an adult who can: a) to distinguish between working and personal relationships; b) to entertain himself while I am doing work and all this nonsense with contracts. It turned out I was wrong."

CS

"then you definitely need someone like Oscar. to sit in different rooms, remember each other once a day and admire another person. and what am I, I'm just a kid who wants attention from his boyfriend. of course, it's just terrible, Carlos!"

LN

"why are you so aggressive about our friendship with Charles? are you really that jealous? how can you, it's just a show, Lando))”

CS

"fuck you"

LN

"you say that adults should not demand attention by "barbaric" ways. but can adults afford deprive their partner so easily? You've been ignoring my messages for days. Didn't you have a single second in three days to say, "I'm fine, baby, don't worry," like it used to be? You don't notice me in the paddock anymore. damn, it really seems to me that you communicate with the same Oscar more often than with me. am I no longer worthy of this attention? Do I need to curry favor and beg?"

LN

"although it's unlikely to help. you never forget to tell me about Charles. you have fucking time to discuss your "divorce" with the whole press, Carlos. and how much time do you spend with him? you are together in the paddock, at shows, in clubs after the race. oh yes, Logan can sleep well, Oscar and I will never get to that level!"

LN

"I literally can't be with someone for as long like I would to be with you. God, I think about how cool it was with you at every show. it will never compare to Piastri. I was happy then because I didn't have to draw out praise, compliments, or any other attention. like now"

LN

"and I've already developed a real paranoia. when I received a message from you, I began to be afraid to enter our fucking chat. because I constantly think that I will see from you "we need to break up" or "I'm better off with Charles." fuck, I'm already dreaming about this story. and you would have known if you had picked up the phone when I called you. but you were at the club, judging by the stories of Charles' friends."

LN

"sometimes I'm so afraid of your betrayal that I'm ready to leave you, because it wouldn't hurt so much."

LN

"Lando, this is such a stupid thing."

CS

"I've never thought in my life that I want to cheat on you or break up"

CS

"including when we started communicating with Charles"

CS

"if that doesn't calm you down, then I'll remind you that he has a relationship. he hardly needs me."

CS

"I had no idea he was dating anyone, mate."

LN

"come on, Lando. you spend so much time with Max, didn't he tell you?"

CS

«…»

LN

"and that's not the main thing you should have heard."

CS

"I said I don't want to break up with you, baby."

CS

"that week, my phone fell out from the second floor and died. I asked Oscar to give you this, by the way, since you had a meeting in the near future. so all the questions are for him."

CS

"and I'm not ignoring you in the paddock. We're just talking as a group. I'm talking to everyone."

CS

"baby, are you here?"

CS

"yes."

LN

"what are you thinking about?"

CS

"about you calling me a bitch"

LN

"it's not the first time."

CS

"this is the first time you've said it seriously and aggressively, not as a flirtation or a joke."

LN

"I'm sorry about that."

CS

"I was wrong, Lando. I love you. It won't happen again, baby"

CS

"I'm sorry for being so persistent. and with Oscar, this situation... you're right, sometimes I'm terrible because I feel lonely. but I love you too."

LN

"I'm sorry that lately I haven't been able to spend as much time together as we both would like. but that doesn't mean I've forgotten about you or stopped loving you. I just want to wait for the summer break and take you to Spain, to my parents."

CS

"I know. I want it too"

LN

"and one more thing... I also think about you during the ferrari show. In your case, I really wanted to finish all this as soon as possible so that I could take you to a hotel room... but let's leave that out."

CS

"why don't you come now? I don't think anyone from the team will mind one former pilot in their lair."

LN

"will you give me 20 minutes?"

CS

"I'll give you more if you don't stay late."

LN

"el pequeño diablo"

CS

[coraniaid]

I'm not suggesting that Buffy and Faith were secretly dating (or at least making out between patrols) before the events of Revelations.  Even if Buffy joked about “seeing someone tonight” when her friends asked her if she was dating somebody, before putting her arms around Faith and insisting that they were really “just good friends”.  Even if Faith’s reaction to finding out about Angel – “Buffy knew … I can’t believe her” – is very easy to read as romantic or sexual jealousy.  Even if Gwendolyn Post’s last attempt to manipulate Faith (the accusation that Buffy was “blinded by love” for Angel) seems specifically designed to play on this jealousy.  Even if Faith’s decision at the end of the episode that “you can’t trust people” implies she’s been betrayed by more than one person; even if Buffy’s “you can trust me” is met with a disbelieving smirk.

I don’t really think that’s how the writers intended the show to be viewed.  More importantly, I don’t think that Buffy – even if she was emotionally self-aware enough to acknowledge her own feelings – would be ready to have that sort of relationship so soon after Scott Hope, let alone be able to keep it a secret.  

But what I am saying is that, in a world where that actually was the explicit plot of Revelations, you really wouldn't have to change any of the dialogue in the opening scene of The Wish at all. 

This is a scene in which Buffy’s lament that she  “couldn’t reach [Faith] … again” segues straight into her commiserating with Xander over the fact he’s had “no luck reaching Cordelia”.  Cordelia of course, is Xander’s ex-girlfriend who refused to speak to him the last time he went to see her, after Xander was seen secretly kissing Willow, and hasn’t been seen with him since. Cordelia's furious because she was just starting to tell herself that she was in love with Xander and he betrayed her.  Faith, on the other hand, is Buffy’s [redacted] who refused to speak to her the last time she went to see her, after Buffy was seen secretly kissing Angel, and hasn’t been seen with her since.  Faith's furious because she was just [redacted].

Meanwhile Willow tells Buffy she’s looking forward to seeing Oz again so she can “beg for forgiveness”, and Buffy – fresh from visiting Faith’s motel to do “damage control”, to apologize for keeping secrets and to promise her that she’s on her side, and who just finished telling her friends that she’s sad Faith hasn’t been hanging out with her lately  – tells her that that works too, and she “knows the feeling” Willow is going through.

The one line I might cut is the one that doesn’t make much sense even in isolation.  Xander decides that Buffy can relate to what he and Willow are going through because she “went through it with Angel”.  Only … well, yes, it’s true in a very broad  sense that Buffy has already experienced some sort of heartbreak with Angel, but the comparison doesn’t really work beyond that, does it?  Angel didn’t break up with Buffy because she was unfaithful. (Sort of the opposite, really.)  Buffy never had to apologize to Angel for kissing somebody else. She's carrying a lot of Angel-related guilt, but it's not particularly similar to the guilt that Willow or Xander should be feeling (Buffy blamed herself for Angel losing his soul in Innocence and for sending him to hell in Becoming, but she had no way to know the first would happen and was forced to do the latter to save the world). As of the last episode, if anything it’s Buffy who broke things off with Angel.  As parallels go it just feels a little forced.

Again, this is the first time Angel’s been brought up in the conversation.   And yet, Buffy has been talking about somebody she hurt and deliberately lied to and wishes she could make things right with, hasn’t she?

But, like I said, I’m not suggesting that  Buffy and Faith were secretly dating before Revelations.  I’m not.

Obviously that didn’t happen until Bad Girls.

[the1975attheirverybest]

Girlie we need education pt.3 I’m begging 💳💥💳💥💳💥💳💥

Well, you know I can’t say no to you. So, here it is. Lesson #3: Pain is NOT the opposite of Pleasure

Warning: smut

—-

Amelia paused at the restaurant door for a moment trying to find the courage to go in there. Her clammy hands reached for the door handle. She focused her vision on the “pull” sign, trying to stay calm.  Ever since the last time that she and Matty slept together, she’d tried her best to avoid him. It wasn’t too difficult. Mostly because he’d been traveling around the country, doing interviews and promoting the band, appearing on radio shows and in magazine articles. So, it didn’t take a lot of effort to not be around him. But he was back now, and she had to see him and be around him all night. She told herself that she didn’t care; that he’d made his feelings quite clear, and that she’s an adult who can handle rejection. He’d drawn his boundary and she has to respect it. But, for some reason that she couldn’t quite articulate, she’d chosen to wear this dress for him. And now that she was about to walk into the restaurant, she felt foolish about it. 

She took a deep breath. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. Just have a good time. The boys are gonna be there. It’s gonna be fine. 

She walked in, squeezing through the group of people waiting for a table at the front, and looking around for her people. She spotted George by his tall figure and bright hair. He’d brought Charli along, too. Jamie was there. Dan, Ross and Adam, a couple of people from the label, and, of course, Matty. 

“Hey guys” she made a general greeting, everyone at the table turning towards her. 

She made a deliberate choice not to look in Matty’s direction. First win of the night. So, she didn’t notice that he’d gotten up from his seat to get her a chair and set it next to his. She sat at the other end of the table, next to George. 

Dinner seemed to go smoothly. In fact, for brief moments, whenever she was talking to Adam about his baby, or to Charli about her work, she’d almost forget that she was sitting a few steps away from Matty. Or that she’s supposed to be putting on a nonchalant act. Inevitably, though, she would find herself glancing in his direction every time she heard him speaking, or laughing at something that someone else had said. Or leaning over the table to talk to George. She’d hoped to catch him looking at her, but it never happened. She expected herself to be relieved. Not to have to look into his beautiful brown eyes and fake neutrality. But, a piece of her was always disappointed. She hated that about herself. Whether it was desperation or a desire to hurt him the way that he’d hurt her. She didn’t want to be petty and vindictive. But it was hard not to. 

“Right, I think it’s time for me to head out.” Jamie spoke, looking around the table. “You two have to be in the offices early tomorrow.” He nodded at George and Matty. Matty downed the last of his drink, setting his now empty glass down and wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. “Mhm.” He nodded. 

“So don’t have too much fun tonight.” 

“No fun for me, thank you.” Adam said, bowing out. “Gotta get home soon. Dad stuff.”

“Yeah, none for us either.” George added. “Charli has a thing tomorrow. I gotta finish up at the studio and go with her, so I can’t get shitfaced tonight.”

“Wow…are we saying we’re all going home at a reasonable hour?” Ross laughed. “We’ve really gone and grown up , haven’t we?”

Matty’s face dropped. “It would appear that we have, yeah.” He spoke, a hint of regret in his voice. 

“I’ll get the tab, then.” Jamie left his seat. 

Matty pulled out his phone, scrolling through his texts to find the thread that led to his last hookup. His finger hovered over the last text. He looked up over the table at Amelia, then back down at his phone. 

People had started to leave the table and disperse in different directions. He needed to make up his mind quickly. He watched her stand up and hug George goodbye. 

He sprung to his feet to catch up with her. He walked behind her as everyone lined up to leave the restaurant. When George and Charli headed off in their own direction, it was now just the two them. He stepped to the front to stand by her side on the pavement, looking straight ahead at the cars as they drove by. “Hey.” He mumbled. 

Her heart raced in her chest and she wondered if he could hear it. Slowly, she turned to look at him. He was, as always, perfect. 

His curls fell beautifully around his face, his simple black sweater clung to his body, a charming smile lit up his face. He’d been looking healthy lately. It always warmed her heart. 

“So….dinner was fun.” He stated, digging into the pocket of his jeans for his cigarettes. “It was, umm, nice to see everyone. We’ve all been doing our own thing for a bit.” He lit his cigarette. “Want one?”

“Nah. When are you gonna quit that disgusting habit anyway?”

His lips curved into a smile, tilting the cigarette to the side. “Hmm….someday?” He shrugged. “You heading home?” He blew the smoke out of his mouth, obscuring her view of his beautiful face.

“Yeah, guess so. You?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Walk to the station together, then?”

“S-sure.” Just when she thought she’d managed to get through the night without embarrassing herself. 

***

“Why’s the train so crowded? Is there some….some political protest or some football game I don’t know about?” She squeezed closer to him to make room for the flood of people getting on behind her. 

Matty shrugged. “Wouldn’t know. I’ve been so disconnected from the news, lately.”

“Probably should’ve just got an Uber.” She muttered under her breath, looking behind her at the packed car. No seats whatsoever. 

“Wanna just….get off at the next stop?”

“Umm, no, no. It’s fine.” She sighed. 

It was decidedly not fine. Every time the train had to pause in the tunnels or come to an abrupt stop, the standing passengers lost balance. Herself included. The first couple of times, Matty steadied her with his firm grip, making sure she doesn’t fall. Then, she clung to his arm a few times, looking up at him and trying not to sweat at the sight of his pink lips so close to her face. Eventually, and she has no idea how, Matty had wrapped his arm around her, holding her close to him as his other hand held on to the metal poll in the center of the car. Keeping them both balanced. She could smell his cologne. The drink he’d had. The cigarette he’d smoked. She could feel his soft sweater against her cheek. She knew he could see her face, which, no doubt, betrayed all her secrets. 

Matty’s eyes weren’t on her face, though. He was looking somewhere further down. At the way the cut of the dress highlighted her breasts. Or was it the bra that did it? He didn’t care much for that how. She glanced up at him, catching him looking. “Umm…you, look- nice dress.”

She smiled. Men can be so blind sometimes. “Thanks.”

“Is it new?”

“This? No. Not at all.”

“Well, umm” he felt his mouth go dry. “It’s - n-nice.”

***

“So, umm, that’s my stop coming up.” She loosened her grip on his chest, moving away to get closer to the door. 

“Right, yeah. Have a good night, I guess….” Matty’s lips parted again, the look in his eyes felt serious, but as the automatic doors opened, she looked back, and he was silent. Letting her walk out onto the platform.

On the streets, she felt her body shake as she sprinted towards her home. She didn’t think she could take another second in that train, packed like sardines with him so close to her. Looking, smelling, and sounding so good. 

Over the echo of her own footsteps, she could still hear his voice faintly in her ear. The way he’d smile when she would turn to look at him. The way he’d say her name…

“Amelia!! Yo! Waiiiit! Amelia! For fucks sakesss!!”

She turned around. She wasn’t imagining things. In the distance, she saw Matty running towards her. 

“Finally! Is this how you normally walk or are you in hurry for something?”

“W-what are you…” she looked down at her waist to check that her purse was still attached to her. Has she forgotten something? Her phone maybe?

“I- umm, it’s late. You shouldn’t be walking home alone in the dark.”

She frowned. “Since when are you….such a gentleman?”

“It’s not about bein’ a gentleman. It’s purely about safety. Have you read the statistics lately?” He was feeling his confidence act begin to crumble, so he looked ahead, beginning to walk again. 

“No, have you?”

“A man can’t walk his friend to her door safely without an interrogation now? What a sad world we live in.”

She giggled, shaking her head. “Well, thanks, Matty.”

They walked in silence for a while. Each of them desperately trying to think of something to say to the other without making things more awkward than the silence. 

“So,” she spoke, smiling playfully. “Would you, like, fight off gangs for me? Robbers? Do you have a ninja knife or something hidden in your back pocket?” She laughed. 

“Fuck off.” He rolled his eyes. “I’ll have you know, I’m very strong now!” He flexed his arm, pretending to show off. Or maybe a small piece of him wanted to show off. 

“Yeah, I- I’ve noticed.” She cursed herself in her head as soon as the words slipped her lips. She was losing the upper hand her. God. She hated those kind-games. Those conversations they’re having in order to say what they can’t say. What they won’t say. Trying to communicate without actually communicating. She found that shit exhausting. She was never any good at acting cool and collected. And in this case, she didn’t want to be. She wishes she could just…talk to him. 

“You’ve noticed, huh?” Matty raised an eyebrow, looking at her out of the corner of his eye.

“Oh, got over yourself, Matty.” She rolled her eyes. “I mean, like, I noticed in the way that…you know- people notice. If your friend gets a haircut or loses or gains weight or whatever. People notice, okay!” Nope. She’d overdone it. By, like, a lot. 

Matty watched her face contort itself in embarrassment, laughing softly. 

“Shut up.”

“What? I haven’t said anything.”

“Well, don’t.”

“Whatever you say, Amelia.”

***

“You wanna come inside?” She turned to face him, fumbling with her keys. 

“I mean, sure, if- you’d like me to. If it’s not too late.”

“I believe the conduct manuals say that when a gentleman risks his life to walk a lady home, etiquette dictates that she must offer him a nightcap.”

“Well…if that’s what the manuals say… wouldn’t mind a glass of wine, actually. 

***

“How’re you doing with- uhh- our lessons.” He felt sleazy just saying it.

She set her glass down to avoid looking surprised by his question. “W-what do you mean- I- what?”

“I mean have you been practicing? Sucked anyone off yet?”

“What the fuck is that matter with you!” She shoved his arm lightly, mentally noticing that, he has, indeed, grown some muscles. 

“What?” He giggled. “Just inquiring about your progress.”

“No, I haven’t. Yet.” She folded her legs, sinking back into the couch. “Have…you?”

“Haven’t had the time. But I’m free tonight….if you wanna brush up on some stuff.”

“I see. So the gentleman act has ended. Alright.”

***

In the dim light of her bedroom, she stood by the foot of the bed, with Matty towering over her. 

For the second time tonight, she found herself unable to take her eyes off his lips. “Friends don’t kiss, friends don’t kiss, friends don’t kiss…” she repeated the mantra over and over in her head until Matty’s head dipped down and he kissed her, crashing his lips against hers with just a little bit of force, his hands holding onto her hips. 

When he pulled away, her hand reflexively flew to her lips, as if grabbing at the lingering feeling of his mouth. She was utterly speechless. 

Matty stepped away for a moment, taking off his sweater. 

She mumbled a curse when she saw his shirtless chest. 

“Pardon?” He turned to look at her and smiled knowingly when he saw her eyes wide open. 

In the back of her mind, she wondered if she’s ever seen him naked before, or if she’d simply never noticed that he was this attractive. 

“Oi! Eyes are up here.” He joked. 

She was too overwhelmed to think of a clever comeback. His silence alarmed him. 

“Hey, Mia, you alright?” His thumb and index finger touched her cheek. 

“If you’ve had a change of heart, we don’t have to.”

“It’s umm, it’s been years since you’ve called me ‘Mia.’” She whispered. 

“Has it?”

What did it mean? Why did he suddenly bring that nickname back? Was he trying to tell her something? Does he genuinely not remember? “No, I’m fine. I wanna do this.”

“You sure?” He tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. 

“Y-yeah. Umm. Yeah I’m positive.”

“Alright, then. May I undress you now?” He looked into her eyes, smiling. 

“I - can-“ her hand grabbed searched behind her back for a zipper. 

“No, no. Please. Let me.” He walked around in a semi circle to stand behind her. “This gorgeous dress? want to peel it off your body myself.”

She felt her cheeks burn up. Perhaps this dress was the right idea after all. 

Matty gently pushed her hair to one side of her neck to find her zipper, causing her skin to prickle with goosebumps. His lips kissed the bottom of her neck where it meets her shoulder softly. Her eyes fluttered shut. Her breath getting caught in her throat. 

But the kiss ended a bit too quickly for her liking, she heard the zipper travel down her body and felt the dress loosen around her, dropping in a pool at her ankles.

Matty bent down to pick it up. “Step out for me…good girl.”

Shit. They’d barely done anything yet and she was already desperate for him. 

With the backs of her knees against the bed, Matty dropped to his knees running a finger over her clothed crotch and making her gasp. 

“Matty-“

“Let me start by reminding you of the last thing we did.” She saw a faint smile on his lips before her eyes closed and she melted at his touch again. 

“Already wet?” He clicked his tongue. “Needy, baby.”

She let the slightly embarrassment wash over her. Driven away by the waves of pleasure that his expert fingers were giving her. 

“Right. Take these off for me.” He tapped her hip, snapping out of the blur she’d fallen into. 

She did as he said, eager to get his hands back on her as quickly as possible. 

Silently, Matty took both her wrists, placing her hands on each of his shoulders. “Hold on tight, yeah?”

She nodded. “Yeah, yeah. Okay.” Almost moaning. 

His lips wasted no time finding her center. She almost yelped at the feeling of his tongue licking into her. She felt his hot breath against her as he let out a small giggle at her reaction. This wasn’t just fun for her. He was taking delight in the way he made her feel. 

“Matty- oh! My god…”

It seemed he’d already memorized all the perfect motions and spots that got her going from last time. It was like he knew exactly what to do and when to do it. 

“Fuck! Matty- I’m- ah, if you don’t- s-stop, I’m gonna-“ without thinking, or intending to, her hands found his hair, pulling harshly and moving his mouth away from her. 

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry. I didn’t- I didn’t mean to. Umm… are you okay?”

Matty laughed, shaking his head. “Don’t apologize. It’s fine.”

“No it’s not, I practically took off a chunk of your gorgeous hair. It must’ve hurt!”

“Yeah, but, I liked it.”

“You…did?”

“Yeah, yeah. Pain and pleasure….mix well sometimes.”

He could see by the confusion in her eyes that she’d never felt that particular mixture. “You’ll see.” He winked. 

Was that a threat? A dare? A preview of things to come?

He placed a small kiss to her wet cunt, to give her a little tingle, causing her to lose balance and lean on the bed behind her. 

Matty crawled into the bed, hovering on top of her. “See, that’s why I said to hold tight.”

“S-sorry.” She whispered, feeling small as she looked into his eyes above her, his curls dangling and creating a bit of shade over both of them. 

“It’s alright. Kinda ready myself. If…you are? Wanna keep going?”

“Mhm…condom?”

He reached into the back pocket of his jeans, pulling his wallet out. “Got it.”

As she watched him unbuckle his jeans. the thought that they were about to have sex kept running through her head. She waiting for it to be weird. To be surreal. For her brain to remind her that Matty’s her friend. Friends have no business getting this intimate. But none of that came to mind. All that she was thinking about is how good he’d finally feel inside her.”

“You good?”

“Yeah, yeah.” She looked into his eyes. “You?”

He smiled. “I’m really great, baby.”

She felt him get closer, then slowly push into her. Her eyes closed reflexively and she held her breath. Matty noticed her whole body stiffen. His own mind struggling to remain focused at the feeling of her around him. “Umm, no, Amelia. Open your eyes for me, please?”

It took her a second to muster the courage, but she did. “That’s better. I promise you, it’s gonna feel so much more pleasurable if you relax, yeah?”

“S-sorry, I-“

“You nervous or something? It’s okay. Trust me. Breathe. Yeah. That’s it. You’re doing so well.”

She hasn’t really thought about to before. That she tended to clam up when a guy thrusted into her. Maybe it was the anticipation. Or the nerves. She just did it without thinking. 

Matty pushed the rest of the way into her and let out a moan that surprised her. She’d have thought he was the quiet type. 

“Fuck- y’feel so good, Mia.” 

His overwhelmed face suddenly disappeared, he looked down at her. “Felt that. Praise girl, huh? Noted.” He laughed. 

“Shit!” She felt the knot in her stomach tight as he pushed particularly deep. “Fuck, Matty, I- you’re so- feels good.” He smiled, his own mind hazy with pleasure. “Right, ready to take it up a notch?”

He rested his weight on his forearms, settling into a rhythm with his hips. Leaving her a moaning mess underneath him. Chanting his name, begging for nothing in particular, letting him know how good she feels. 

“Cum with me, yeah?”

She nodded, lifting her head off the bed to kiss him. 

Matty waited carefully, at what he hoped was just the right moment, he dipped down and lightly bit her shoulder as she unraveled around him causing another wave to hit her, her body trembling around him as her mouth hung open. 

She swore she almost blacked out for a second. With Matty placing small kisses all over her neck and body as she came down from the aftershocks. 

Slowly, he collapsed on top of her. His thumb reaching for the bite mark on her shoulder and rubbing it soothingly. “See? Told you. Pain isn’t the opposite of pleasure.”

Her blurry eyes fixed on the ceiling, her chest still panting, she ran her fingers through his hair. “Guess not.”

Matty took a deep breath, rolling off of her. “Ready for round two?”

[archivalofsins]

Q6: Is there a prisoner you aren’t fond of?

Kazui: To be honest, that'd be Kashiki-chan as well. She shows me things I’m not that fond of seeing.

TL;DR: Kazui is the type that states he was lying to protect others, Yuno is the type who'd say, "I was just being honest" in the face of those she's hurt. Despite being incredibly similar, they were bound to rub each other the wrong way at times because the way they execute things and conduct themselves is so fundamentally different.

It's really not surprising to me that Kazui answered, "Is there a prisoner he's not fond of?" with Kashiki, Yuno. Even though they are the most similar, they are also the antithesis of each other when it comes to implementation.

Yuno believes that, above all, it's more important to be honest to herself. Regardless of if that hurts her or those around her. She won't be bothered to deal with things she doesn't want to or smile for others when she doesn't feel like smiling.

A mindset that she has in a way pushed on others within Milgram including Kazui himself.

20/08/02

Mahiru: Yeah, I’m asking for what you like in the opposite sex! I mean, with a lifestyle like this we have a lot of free time, right? So earlier when I was talking with all the other girls we got onto the topic! It’s not often you get a chance like this to live with a mix of men and women together, so I thought it might be nice to use the chance to talk about stuff like this in preparation for when we leave.

Kazui: Ah…… Haha, I understand. I can see that’d be the sort of thing girls your age would be interested in, huh. How peaceful. What I like in the opposite sex… I don’t know if what I say will really be a good reference for you…… Ah, you know, since I’m at this age. I like a girl who can just smile free of worries. Seeing that’d make my old, tired heart feel young again.

Yuno: Uh-huh, I see, I see. ……that���s a total lie, right?

Kazui: Haha…… Give me a break here. You sure don’t make things easy for people, Kashiki-chan.

Because Yuno can't understand why someone else would bother with lying or putting on airs for the comfort of others or even themselves. She'd rather things be out in the open for what they are instead of needing to label them as good or bad.

This is something she tries to enforce with others she's interested in or views slightly favorably as well regardless of whether she recognizes she's doing it or not.

20/07/08

Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want, though.

Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about?I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right? I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone, too.

Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired? Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes.

Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words do you. …….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like, if I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

Her thought process probably being this person is alright, but they'd be better if they stopped concerning themselves with the thoughts of others or even their own and just did what they wanted to do. Because through not regarding anyone's feelings even hers Yuno has been able to free herself from needing to interrogate whether her actions are good or bad and instead just look at them as things she did that cannot be changed.

This is why she's so quick to draw to attention that Kazui lies to protect himself, but she does it for nothing. Because no one is important to her, not even herself. By removing herself and others from that discussion, she doesn't have to face the thought that these things did matter to her and influence her choices.

Because taking those things into consideration would ultimately ammount to labeling her choices or the outcome of them as good or bad. Something that could lead to regrets. Which,

Q.17 Do you have anything you regret?

Yuno: Regretting things achieves nothing, don’t you think?

If Kazui said the truth is what killed someone, Yuno's very existence embodies that idea. Along with her constant subtle pushing for individuals whom she probably likes to be more honest with themselves. Yuno to Kazui is a daily reminder of the harm being too honest can cause.

It's Yuno because even though I doubt she's being this way with any ill intent, she can be too forward and pushy when it comes to others living in an honest way. Because she believes that being honest and true to herself is what's most important regardless of her or anyone else's feelings/safety.

Just like her namesake implies,

Q.04 What’s the origin of your name?

Yuno: It means to be kind and true to myself.

[TN: Literal meaning of the kanji 優 (yu) and 乃 (no) respectively which make up her name.]

Kazui is shown to dislike this approach of doing things within his second trial voice drama. He also calls Yuno out for being uncaring and self-absorbed during her birthday. Asking why she's helping Shidou care for Mahiru despite her seeming generally disinterested in the well-being and safety of those around her. He's very forward about it or as forward as he can be. He recognizes that Yuno is cold and inconsiderate towards everyone in the pursuit of living in a way true to herself.

So, even though they are the most similar, they are also the most different. Just like in regards to Futa and Kotoko.

To put it very simply, Kazui is the type that claims he was lying to protect others, Yuno is the type who'd say, "I was just being honest" in the face of those she's hurt. Making them both very similar but incredibly likely to rub each other the wrong way at times.

[screemnch]

The Pathologic Russian and English analysis: Artemy Burakh the Haruspex Part 2.

I think I've officially been classified by the world's forces as a fanfiction author because of this, for you see... The reason it took so damn long for me to get around to this is because I was trying to not get deported, avoiding homelessness and having a generally horrific time. But that is none of your concern, I suppose, so let's cut to the chase.

As the Changeling: I can’t exactly say that there are many differences between the Russian and English versions of the Haruspex here - same as outlined previously, he is laconic, distant and impulsive. In terms of tone of voice, the main difference would be the constraints of grammar in the English language. Russian is quite a versatile language and allows for people to structure sentences very… Liberally. This is what I meant when I spoke about the Bachelor speaking with a very “deliberate” sentence structure. He would construct his sentences properly, with all the nouns and verbs there need to be in a sentence, never neglecting the “I” - speaking in a very proper manner, even when using not so proper words. In English it’d be quite difficult to illustrate where the difference lies - these two languages employ vastly different sentence structures. The curt tone of voice is furthered with Burakh particularly because he doesn’t structure his sentences formally. His communication is very barebones, often foregoing the “I” in what he says, for example, since it can be indicated through the form of the verbs used. I’d previously said his manner of speech reminds me of fairy tales, and I think it’s particularly because of that - the modern way of speaking is very individualistic. It’s all about explaining yourself clearly and concisely, putting emphasis on the person. Artemy doesn’t put much emphasis on himself in his dialogue, talking about actions instead. The order in which he puts words is also distinct from more modern sentence structures, though that is a bit more difficult to explain. Y’all aren’t here for that anyway so let’s get to the screenshots. Once again, the order of dialogue here is dubious at best.

I want to bring attention to the last sentence here (partially because I don’t know how much material I’ll have for this part of the analysis, so I’m just putting in whatever I want) - the original Russian version says “Where do [someone’s] eyes have to be to mix us up…” which is where I get to talk about Russian expressions. See, the implication here is that the onlookers eyes have to be positioned on/in said onlookers rear end - because that is a common way for Russian people to express that someone is inept at something. Someone’s clumsy and can’t do anything well with their hands? They must be growing out of their ass then! Though I can’t think of any other instances in which that would be used off the top of my head, but yeah. Ass eyes.

It is. So difficult to not just start talking about Clara right here and right now, she’s my special little blorbo and there’s so much about her BUT. I will limit myself to this note (yeah, right, we’ll see). Main things to note here - Clara goes from addressing Artemy informally to then using the formal version of “you” (or, I guess, the formal version of the verb addressing him because Russian is a totally real language that exists). This is combined with the fact that the way she asks Artemy who he is is specifically worded in Russian in a way that implies scrutiny. It’s extremely difficult to explain, the difference is in only one word but the literal translation would also not convey the meaning well. But basically - she asks him who he is in a standoffish manner, realises she’s talking to the Ripper himself and immediately goes to address him formally and here’s the kicker: instead of saying “don’t hurt me”, in the original version she said “don’t upset me”(literal) to which the English equivalent would be “don’t be mean to me”. So yeah, Clara realised she just gave snark to a murderer and immediately went for the “I’m just a little girl, you wouldn’t want to hurt me right?.” Comedy gold. (Or a stark example of how girls and women have to force themselves to be more palatable in fear of violence from men. You decide).

The focus here is on the “Love will find a way. Blockhead” line (the rest is for context). The sentence before that isn’t even present in the Russian version. In fact, the original version just says something along the lines of “You’ll find her if you love her” (with the exception that with the freedom Russian allows it was expressed in just two words.) I also had a good laugh at Clara calling Artemy “blockhead” because I thought it was a bit anachronistic (it wasn’t, the word was used as early as the 1500's and I swear I’m gonna have to start using MLA format citations for this one day aaaaa) but it suited the translation well, as the original insult that Clara threw at him was comparing him to a large and unformed mass of stone - a common insult for someone stupid. Just wanted to point out the fun stuff.

Entirely unrelated since I can’t be bothered to look for context for either of these, but the fact that they’re in proximity and similar to each other (while being very different in Russian) was kinda funny to me. The former being something along the lines of “So what do you need here?” and the latter meaning something like “Have you come with business?.” The second one also bears the hilarious implication that Artemy expected Clara to just… Come by on a whim, with seemingly nothing to do - either because he doesn’t think highly of her, or because there’s a precedent for people to come wandering into the Ripper’s hideout for no reason. Either way, once again - funny.

Listen, I don’t know if this is anything, and hopefully there are other Russian speakers who can tell me if I’m being a little stupid here, but! I also know that a large number of pathologic fans love to talk about this silly little thing called gender. And the fun thing about Russian is that everything here is gendered as all hell. In terms of “adoption” there are two words that essentially mean “to make someone (take them in as) your son” and “to make someone (take them in as) your daughter”. And it is a very common thing for anyone to say they’ve been adopted (as a son) regardless of their gender - since so much literature is oriented on men and talks about them more than it does women, so it’s a word that comes to mind first (had to talk to my mom about this, heehoo). However in this particular instance, Clara says that Alexander took her in as his son. It’s something entirely normal to say in Russian, and I don’t think that this thing alone is enough to build off of, but since I know there are people who would add this to a pile of headcanon justifications - I’ve pointed it out to you. Because I love you. You’re welcome. (yes I’m talking about Clara again, I can’t help it if she’s just better than everyone)

This! This is what the translation should’ve said in the Bachelor route!! I know I’ve already talked about this, but now I’m even more confused - they got it right with the Changeling, what was stopping them from recycling the same translation with the Bachelor? Like, I would like to think that maybe it’s an error on the side of the website I’m using (but also hopefully not, I don’t have the time to play the games at the moment) but it’s also entirely possible that the translation team translated this phrase TWICE instead of saving time. Because people aren’t always efficient. Anyways.

This isn’t as much of a translation thing as it is maybe an “I don’t know English” thing. I was really confused when I first read it and only after comparing it to the Russian version did I understand what the second sentence was supposed to mean. As in - yeah, I can tell how you could read this in English and understand it - but it isn’t intuitive at all. And I get it - it’s pathologic and very little is actually intuitive here. But I wonder if I wasn’t the only one confused. In Russian, the sentence states “if it weren’t for me, you would’ve drowned your town in blood.” A simple little clarification, and I think an argument may be made about the difficult to understand nature of patho’s writing but… There’s a difference between a message reaching the audience with some difficulties and the message not reaching the audience at all.

Hey hey it’s time for “Burakh (and maybe other characters, we’ll see) treats Clara as more of a concept than a tangible person!” In this edition we’re gonna be focusing on the “deadly girl” turn of phrase, where the original Russian version has him call her “girl-death.” Not in a sense that she’s the death of girls, or that she is the reaper with a pink bow over its hood, rather that she is “the girl that is death”. We saw this earlier in the Bachelor’s campaign, where Artemy referred to her as “evil,” meaning the concept of evil - Burakh seems to be prone to identifying Clara through these big generalised ideas, rather than giving her concrete qualities. It’s actually pretty funny, because Clara constantly appraises him in their conversation, calling him rude, scary, and mean. They both call each other demons though, so at least there’s that. Also instead of “henchmen” Burakh refers to Dankovsky being surrounded by “squires.”

From the same conversation - the second sentence is only similar in essence. Maybe I’m making it more of a deal than it is, but there is a hint of an apology in the Russian version, which goes something like “There’s not much faith in you; you understand that yourself” (Conveying vibes here). I like the distinction between “faith” and “trust” because Russian (fortunately this time) does have different words for those two concepts. And it’s interesting to me, what with how religion oriented the Changeling campaign is, that Burakh specifically says that he doesn’t have much faith in her. Something-something themes.

Unfortunately that is about all I have in terms of specific points to bring attention to. It sucks immensely that there was so little time for IPL to work on the Changeling campaign, because not only is she super interesting, but also because (for the sake of this particular analysis) the interaction that her and Artemy have are absolutely wonderful. On one hand they have a lot of comedic potential (which I know isn’t the aim of the game, but hey, I laughed a lot reading their dialogue) and on the other hand some of their dialogue is actually quite heartfelt. In comparison to the Bachelor’s campaign, we get to see the Haruspex from a very different perspective. There’s even a little bit of that “does not get paid enough for this” energy that most people like to portray him as here. There were not that many differences in the “did you know we were dolls” dialogue between Artemy and Clara, so I didn’t get to talk about it much but I would suggest anyone to read or reread it - there is a lot of wonderful insight into both of the characters in there. Haruspex saying that he is still human specifically because he didn’t figure out the situation he is in (as opposed to Daniil, who figured out they were dolls) and that he is actively choosing to stay in this unfair predicament because he knows that finding out the truth would leave him permanently scarred? I don’t know about you, but it made me go a little bit insane. And even with Clara having the ability to understand where he’s coming from and that you’re given the option to invite Burakh to the Cathedral even after we are shown that he is completely blind to the bigger picture? That’s different from her conversation with Daniil, in which they are both on the same page about being dolls. This conversation in particular seemed so earnest to me, and if I wasn’t talking about translation differences, I would do a whole bit dedicated to that conversation. Otherwise I’m just a bit sad, since I don’t have that much to say about the Haruspex in the Changeling route.

As usual - comments, concerns, feedback is welcome. Genuinely no clue about when the next instalment of this mess of an analysis is going to be, but we are finally going to talk about Clara properly, so keep an eye out for that.