#they have made eating very hard i am deeply anxious

[dalroti]

My body will be like *takes 6 months to gain 1 kg* *loses it in 2 days*

[cas-coding]

autism rant

im usually a very low support needs autistic, meaning i can handle most of my needs by myself even if they are different from neurotypical needs, but damn i forgot how much standardized tests take it out of me.

i got home from my four hour exam today after a speech loss episode while i was driving (i am a very verbal driver, so this was deeply unsettling) and could not even tolerate the stimulus of watching my favorite tv show. i eventually figured out that i could watch it if i put it on a small screen with no volume and dimmed brightness. sensory overload is a bitch.

thankfully, my family was busy today and not at the house so i had lots of time to myself. i eventually just decided that tv was too much for me and that fanfiction on darkmode would be better. by hour two of reading i was stimming like crazy (internalized ableism means i dislike stimming, despite the relief it gives me, but at this point it was worth it. stimming is good and i love seeing other people stim bc it means theyre happy or trying to feel better. i just have guilt about stimming personally)

then my family got home and all my hard work and self care was out the window. they had all been at a loud event and thus were shouting and did not realize. they turned all the lights on in the house and made me eat dinner with them, them all bickering and overlapping their words and talking about things i did not understand without bothering to clarify for me.

one thing led to another and i shutdown for about thirty minutes, which usually consists of very limited movement, fight or flight reflexes, and limited verbality (easy phrases like yes and no, not much more really). this is like a full body reboot and is always incredibly brutal for me.

i'm not really sure what my point is. i think my point was originally that my day sucked but now i think my point is that support needs vary. on a good day, i can get up and go to uni and handle thirty people talking to me at once and only get a little anxious. today, testing took most of my energy and i had to resort to basic survival instinct and, because i can usually manage better than this, my family did not accomodate me.

support needs vary and always always always, neurotypical or neurodivergent, ask your loved ones/friends/people around you if there is anything you can do to help them if they seem a bit off or tired. if one of my family members had asked that, i might have been able to avoid a shutdown and that would have been cool

[britt-thats-it]

Being back on tumblr is so nice. It’s like I never left (except I can’t remember everyone I used to follow/they probs left too).

(feelsies under the cut)

I only left because this couple I almost dated (who took my not dating them very hard) sort of cyber stalked me here. I kept making new accounts and they kept finding them and showing them to everyone in the scene we were all part of and following all the people I was mutuals with and it was… not cool.

Anyway, I’ve been really struggling with grief since quarantine. I had a huge falling out with my sister who I had been living with for the last 4 years. Her lack of recovery was badly interfering with my recovery and I was so deeply triggered by her behavior that I was barely functioning. I was in a constant state of flared up, in so much pain every day, even laying down was uncomfortable. I wasn’t able to eat bc my reflux was going crazy, I was starting to drink too much (something I hadn’t struggled with in years), I wasn’t sleeping. The pressure of being home together all the time took its toll.

Coincidentally, divine timing being what it is, my partner and I were spending hours on the phone every day. Just falling so in love. We’d already been together for almost a year, but her two other relationships falling apart, career change, and my chronic illness and not remembering how to be in a relationship (lol— it had been a LONG time and I was fully down to spend the rest of my life alone) kept us at a bit of a distance. We had been very close friends for a couple years beforehand, so when we took things to a romantic level, the feelings progressed quickly but we just didn’t have much time for each other. Anyway, she invited me to come stay with her. I was only planning on 2 weeks, but I literally never left. Everything just felt so easy and sweet. We handle each other with such care. Over the last 3 years my life has become a kind of stable that I’ve never (I mean NEVER) experienced. I love it and I am so grateful for it.

But I remember from my trauma-filled childhood, the survival mode of the present puts off the feelings for later. It isn’t until you have a calm moment that the feelings about what you just went through hit you.

The last 7 years hit me like an 18 wheeler. Going no contact with my family, living on the road, losing my job and being homeless, moving to nyc on a wing and a prayer, living with my sister and reliving A lot of my childhood through her behaviors, struggling through the capitalist ass New York art scene as an autistic person while also being very poor, working my fucking ass off, *just* about to hit my stride and do this fuckin career thang and boom. Covid.

I made an album, collaborated on a friend’s album, started my podcast and wrote a book. I’m in the middle of making another album. All this while feeling myself really trust someone, really learn what partnership means, really feeling like an adult, but also feeling so so wounded. The grief has been the heaviest thing I’ve ever felt. I lost myself a little bit. Insert bloody goopy chrysalis metaphor here.

I did all this but not joyfully, not really. Something was missing.

I have been trying, in the last few months, to unironically find my bliss again. I lost my sparkle, I lost my drive. I really feel like I experienced my own metaphorical death. I was anxious and raw, I second-guessed every interaction because I felt like I didn’t know how to be a person. I was completely sober!! Just fucking raw dogging life!!! I was scared all the time. I forgot my passions, I forgot my purpose. I still worked on stuff, I still created (a lot that I’m proud of!!) but idk I just wasn’t the same free-spirited confident lil powerhouse I came to know myself to be.

I think I gave too much on other social media. I think I was too vulnerable and too available and it got me into trouble. I think I confused work for life and I soured my own creation process for me. It became too important. Every hobby, every passion became kindling for money making or making “it” or whatever. I forgot how to have fun. I burnt myself out.

I recently started remembering hobbies I had that I never shared with anyone irl. Exercise/weight lifting, which I picked back up again in February, slowly testing the waters to see if my disordered relationship to it would return, it didn’t. Feeling myself getting stronger being exactly what I needed (literally and metaphorically) and all the good stuff that does to my confidence. Playing music just for fun, just sitting down with an instrument and playing 😫 locking myself in a room and flitting around like a mad scientist creating something I love 😫 dancing 😫 meditation 😫 journaling 😫 pulling tarot cards just for me 😫 and finally, longing for connection of some sort; for actual vulnerability and not people just fucking marketing themselves all the time— I remembered how much tumblr helped me. How much it inspired me. How it helped me become the person who made all those scary changes, who learned who I am and learned how to walk away. So much good came from that decade I spent here, so I decided to come back.

It’s exactly what I needed.

[ehlessandraspsyche]

Blog Post 6: i wish i was better

eldest daughter/gifted kid syndrome

From the very beginning of my academic career, I have always been a step above the rest. I was the type of student to be called on by teachers to do special projects for the school and always the type to end the school year with medals on her neck. I was the kid that my parents didn’t really have a problem with. Sure, I was somewhat maldita and spoiled but I didn’t have any problem with my schoolwork. Since they knew that I could do my homework on my own, they didn’t really help me and instead helped my younger brothers. They often used written and oral exercises (Sarsalejo, 2012) for my brothers and I was left to do self-studying. I didn’t have any problems. Which was probably what exacerbated my so-called fall. Looking back on it, I still struggle with disconnecting my self-worth from my academic prowess, but my grade 5 self struggled with not connecting my sense of self with academic validation. I barely studied back then and I was always told that I was naturally gifted but lazy. 

I hate grade 5 and grade 6 me

Then, the second quarter of grade 5 happened. As they were calling the top ten of the batch, I got more and more anxious as my name wasn’t called. Until all of the top ten students were on the stage except me. I felt like a disgrace. Up until that point I was perfect. If it weren’t for that MAPEH component, I would not have been in that position. I felt stupid. I have never hated myself more at that point. By the next quarter, I was back in the top 5, but it was all for naught, I would not be able to graduate Grade 6 with honors. I was at my lowest point, I hated the world. I was depressed, lonely, and most importantly angry at myself. Everyone in my family looked up to me. My parents did everything they could to support me in my academic endeavors. They even allowed me to take the entrance exam for the Philippine Science High School (I didn’t pass by the way, further rubbing salt into my wound). My younger brothers viewed me as a role model that they all need to follow. If I wasn’t perfect, who am I? My family was never angry at me for failing but I was angry and disappointed at myself which somehow hurt more.

bouncing back and falling again (how the pandemic made it worse)

I was elated when I passed the USTET in 2020 and I was even more elated when I learned that I was in the Top 5 of our Batch when I graduated from junior high school. I felt like I have finally redeemed myself from my past failures. I was looking forward to the future with bright eyes. Then in March, the pandemic started. What we thought would only last two weeks, lasted for more than two years. I was unable to attend my senior prom, my recollection, and most importantly my graduation. Even though I had only cried about my canceled graduation for two minutes, I was deeply saddened by the news that I would not be able to see the fruits of my hard labor and that I would not have closure from my junior high school life. At first, it was not all that bad, I was excited to be at UST Senior High School, even though it was online. I was always an introverted person. Sure I can talk to people well enough but I never realized the importance of social interaction in my life. I was unable to find friends in UST because I couldn’t socialize through social media. I felt alone and I also struggled with classes. I was so consumed with my anxiety that I fell from grace once again. I even felt the physical symptoms of anxiety as I was unable to eat food because I was busy spiraling due to the numerous amounts of requirements that I needed to fulfill. Once again, I did not graduate with awards. I was depressed, anxious, and lacking a spark in life, consistent with what others during the pandemic felt as well. (Tee, et al., 2020) However, I found redemption in passing the UPCA. Nowadays, I find myself in a better headspace. Yes, I still have problems with anxiety and paying attention but now I am surrounded by people who know how I am feeling. Slowly, I am removing my view of self-worth from academic success in order to remove the anxiety that I feel. 

Word Count: 776 Words

References:

University of the Philippines - Diliman Sarsalejo, , F. J. S. (2012). Digital Archives @ UP Diliman. https://digitalarchives.upd.edu.ph/item/53921/971/EfG3egD3gMhdBG3ChML6F9M5?fbclid=IwAR24hhXKWxU7qfblDh6WMWMXEtRTsYxAMXDrGeCGQW8E0TCTNDgs7-5kA1c

University of the Philippines - Manila Tee, M. L., Tee, C. A., Anlacan, J. P., Aligam, K. J., Reyes, P. W., Kuruchittham, V., & Ho, R. C. (2020). Psychological impact of covid-19 pandemic in the Philippines. Journal of Affective Disorders, 277, 379–391. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2020.08.043

[olderthannetfic]

you (seem like you) like actually fully love yourself and your live and don't want to die. How?? Like how did you get to that place?

(you don't have to answer if you don't want, I just think you're cool and am in awe)

--

Aww, thanks, anon.

Well... I have two responses here, and I want you to listen to both of them, okay?

Response the first is that while I've certainly worked at and still work at loving myself, a lot of my basic well being and mental health come from loving, sane parents with decent boundaries and a lack of genetic predisposition to mental illness. I'm not saying this to depress you but to point out that nobody should be too hard on themselves.

Mental health things can be like financial things where everyone's telling you "bootstraps, bootstraps", while ignoring that they started life way ahead of the game, and not everybody has those advantages. So if things seem very hard, don't beat yourself up. Maybe you just got dealt a shitty hand.

Response the second is that even with a shitty hand, life is not hopeless. What you do on a daily basis makes a big difference. Fixing my sleep and eating habits is a lifelong process, but it has definitely helped my mental health. Forcing myself to finally write my first novel involved learning time management I never did as a ~gifted kid~. Finishing that project made me feel better about things I didn't even know bothered me.

Exercise is an... uh... ongoing project. (Read, I am terrible at doing exercise, but it does help with mental health.) Decluttering my mother's horror of a house is too, and every time I make the space I spend my days in tidy and cute, I feel so much better. Scattered belongings mean a scattered mind for me. Having less stuff is a part of that. I'm a packrat by nature, but it's bad for me.

Being in my 40s also helps. I was happier than most teens, but I still had a lot of emotional ups and downs and hormones going nuts back then. I know who I am better now than I could have in my 20s and 30s.

I too have times I feel awful though. I'm extremely anxious about money right now. I have family I can fall back on, but that means groveling to someone in a way that's deeply embarrassing for my middle-aged ass. I'm about to move in with my girlfriend, and a lot of decluttering and such needs to happen first. I do think I have a better foundation than most of liking myself deep down, but it doesn't necessarily get rid of the surface level anxiety and bad brain days.

If you are currently very young, some things may just calm down as you age and hormones calm down. I don't mean horny hormones: I mean how teenage bodies dump chemicals in your brain all the time, and emotions are as volatile as you'd expect from that. If you are not so young, good habits won't solve everything, but they're a good first step. The key for most people is a stable environment, low stress levels, and professional help, usually both meds and talk/behavioral therapy. All of that takes money, so I understand how frustrating that can be to hear. Aggressive decluttering, making your space nice, and removing sources of stress from your life like toxic friends or social media addiction are things one can start on without a lot of money though.

Nobody has to go through life wanting to die all the time. We all have bad days, but that's extreme. Feeling better is a long process with a lot of hard work, but there are strategies you can try. I recommend seeking out advice from people who started in a much darker place than I did. They're going to have more practical advice because their attempts to love themselves were more conscious and concrete. I know some of my readers have linked to subreddits and other sources of free advice on how to replicate things like CBT and DBT on your own if going to a pro is not an option.

Good luck, nonnie!

[doublel27]

I hated the " you know he's straight" line so fuVking much. So what if cooper was gay? Would carlos have to worry that cooper would steal tk from him???? Don't get me wrong i really really do love tk but the way he acted in this episode made me want to punch tf out of him. The way he made carlos feel like a third wheel to the point where carlos started doubting his place in his life was so frustrating to see

I am going to take this at face value that you care about my take on this and aren’t looking for me to flat out agree with you, Nonny.

First, I loved how Carlos immediately clarified in the conversation that Cooper’s orientation m didn’t matter to him. As TK comes from a history of being cheated on, that would be something he would be sensitive to possibly being a concern. What Carlos is worried about is not being TK’s person.

Second, Carlos feelings of being left out and not knowing how he fits into TK’s recovery are real and valid. He’s entitled to those feelings. He has been TK’s person through the past two years in Austin and this is vastly different.

However, and I want to be very clear, while Carlos feels very insecure here, TK is trying not to die. The two things happening aren’t on the same level. Carlos is really wondering how he’s keeping TK alive, which, Carlos baby, isn’t your job. TK is keeping TK alive.

Also, TK isn’t shutting Carlos out of his recovery fully. He’s very clear about meetings. He expresses to Carlos that he is frustrated he’s not doing better in that opening, that the meetings are feeling the same, that Cooper suggested it’s harder this time because he’s also neck deep in grief. And we, the audience are aware after 3.08, that TK will likely OD again if he starts using again. We don’t know what has been going on in the past few weeks/90 days (I keep rewatching this scene and I will have a clear timeline I promise) or what TK has said, but he seems to know processing with Carlos isn’t enough and the chances are they’ve had conversations and then he’s had to go to a meeting and process it some more. He was honest about needing a second meeting and it knowing why until he’s in the room (and as an anxious person sometimes it takes me days to figure out my feelings).

Is there a better balance they could find, sure. But this is the start of this process which will live with them for the rest of their lives. Do I wish TK had texted Carlos before hand to say “I am grabbing dinner with Cooper.” Or “Gonna eat at home. See you soon.” You bet.

But I also would like to acknowledge all the times Carlos had agency to share his feelings with TK and chose not to. We, the audience, knew how Carlos felt because we had a tight point of view with Carlos this episode. The camera largely followed Carlos’s face and his line of sight. And Carlos never said how he was feeling until TK asked him what was wrong and pushed. TK started that whole conversation because he deeply cares how Carlos feels and if Carlos is okay. TK is working very hard in the early scenes to center Carlos and not make himself and his addiction the center of their lives.

And like, there was just as much space this whole episode for Carlos to say “Hey, I really wish you texted me to let you know you were eating out, I waited for you and I feel hurt.” Or “I would really like to support you in meetings because I feel left out.” Or even just checking on TK after he woke up to find TK on the phone. Some people called it sneaky, but he was in the middle of the living room with the lights in just steps from the bedroom door. He wasn’t huddled in a corner hiding. I am fairly certain if Carlos had gone out and checked TK would have been honest that he couldn’t sleep so he called Cooper. Or for Carlos to say anything because TK isn’t a mind reader, he doesn’t know what Carlos is thinking and we watched Carlos swallow his feelings and put on a happier face for TK.

But here’s the thing, Nonny, knowing what we know about TK’s level of addiction and depression at the moment, I am not sure he is capable of holding Carlos’ feelings about what TK has to do to stay sober. And just as it’s not for Carlos to hold the amount of things TK has to do and feels around his addiction, it’s not for TK to fully hold how TK doing life saving work for himself makes Carlos feel left out.

Because TK staying out later with Cooper is to ensure he doesn’t stop and pick up drugs on the way home. Or so he knows when he gets home he can stay in the house and not sneak out while Carlos is in the shower or sleeping to get drugs, kinda like how he does in 3.08. Calling Cooper at 3 AM is so he doesn’t go do something stupid and TK definitely doesn’t want Carlos to be the person who is helping hold TK’s sobriety like that because of the guilt Carlos would feel if he fell. That he talks to Cooper about TK is also a sign that TK is telling Cooper all the reasons he wants to stay sober. When you’re suicidal or an addict, your mental health professionals often help you make tethers to the people and things in your life who care whether you live or die and remind you you have reasons to live.

Because as a sponsor, Cooper is part of TK’s mental health team. He’s not just a random friend. He’s a 24/7 trained person to be a resource to support TK in his recovery. TK calling Cooper in the middle of the night is not very different as a suicidal person making a middle of the night phone call to their therapist. That TK ended the call able to talk about music is no different than a suicidal person being able to end a session with their therapist talking about Disney films. Things went well enough that TK can be a little lighter, talk with some happiness in his voice means that it worked.

As someone who loves someone who isn’t an addict but is clinically depressed due to the fact the world would prefer he doesn’t exist, I have often felt left out of the process of him feeling like he can stay alive. I have been Carlos. I sympathize with him deeply, but that’s why I have gone to support groups for partners of trans folks, and have done the work to decenter my whiteness from his struggle.

Carlos needs to be going to Nar-anon or something similar to process the fact that he feels left out and scared. And so he can find ways to ask for things he needs from TK without feeling like he’s got to hide how he’s feeling until it manifests in passive aggressive solo dinners. He needs other people who have been where he is to help him process his feelings so he’s not centering himself in TK’s recovery but also so he can find healthy ways to talk to TK about how he feels. I got so much out of my partners of trans folks meetings because it wasn’t for me to put my feelings on my partner and make him feel guilty for how him preforming what was and is a life saving transition made me feel.

Because when TK said “I would do anything to feel [that happy] again,” and “Everything is awful.” What I saw on Carlos’s face and what I felt in my chest was the same feeling when my spouse casually suggested stepping in front of the train one day as I was dropping him off. I didn’t let him out of the car until he promised me he would make an emergency call to his therapist. Carlos made the choice to make an emergency call to Cooper for TK.

I support TK doing what he needs to do to stay sober and alive, because while he is doing that for himself, he is also doing that for Carlos, and his mom, and Owen and the rest of the team. Carlos also needs outside support to handle his feelings. But considering where their communication used to be (thinking back to 2.04 and 2.12) and where they made it to in this episode, I am really proud of both of them.

[scuttling]

Beast

Fandom: Criminal Minds Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Latina Original Female Character Word Count: 3,056 Tags: 18+, NSFW, Sub Aaron Hotchner, Inspection, Office sex, Semi-public sex, Oral sex, Tie as restraint, Multiple orgasms, Unprotected sex, Hickies, Subspace, Aftercare Summary: Aaron is having a no good, very bad week, and everyone in the BAU is paying the price. Note: This is a reformatted, previously published work. :) Part of my Aaron/OC Sophie series but can be read alone.

Link to A03 or read more below!

Aaron is having a no good, very bad week, and everyone in the BAU is paying the price.

“He’s being a tyrant,” Morgan gripes as he and Sophie are in the break room after the morning meeting. “Barking orders, looking at me with those narrowed eyes like I'm a goddamn criminal for taking a piss break.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Sophie says, steeping her tea. “He’s just having a really hard time this week. Expense reports and evaluations and budget reviews are all due at once, and we’ve been so busy travelling for cases that he hasn’t had time to start on any of it. He’s just stressed; he doesn’t mean anything by it.” JJ and Emily walk in looking aggravated, and Sophie is willing to bet they just had a run in with Aaron as well.

“Can’t you just fuck it out of him? Isn’t that what you guys do? Heal each other’s wounds lovingly with lots of kinky sex?” Sophie rolls her eyes at Emily.

“Yeah, sure, that’s how it works. And I have totally been fucking him, for the record, but it’s fast-acting, not long-lasting. Don’t know what to tell you.”

“Well that sucks,” JJ mumbles, and Sophie frowns.

“Trust me, no one is more sorry than I am that I can’t ride his dick 24/7.” She sighs, because he has been truly miserable, and she’s not sure what else she can do to help. She’s tried sexy things, sweet things, comforting things, helpful things, letting him just be crabby for a day… nothing. She’s usually the only one who can tame the beast he becomes when he’s the toxic combo of stressed, anxious, and irritated, but she’s out of ideas, and everyone is out of patience.

Even submitting deeply to him, which is usually her last resort, because it’s time consuming, only made him feel better until work the next—huh.

Okay, maybe she does have one trick left up her sleeve. It’s not quite time for lunch yet, but Sophie walks into Aaron’s office, shuts and locks the door behind her; she presses her back against it, and when he looks up from his form to give her his full attention, she steps forward.

“Open your pants.” He swallows, carefully sets down the pen he’s holding.

“What, baby?”

“I said open your pants, Aaron. Now. Time for a cock inspection.” He closes his eyes, exhales, and stands, opens his belt, pulls down his zipper. She walks closer, hands clasped behind her back like she’s going to administer an SAT and not play with his dick until he’s uncomfortably hard and begging to come. “Lean up against your desk for me.”

He does as instructed, cock bobbing free, his palms pressed to the top of the desk for support, and she pushes his chair back, stands in front of him, moves her hands to her hips.

“Okay, baby, you know what I’m looking for. I want to see your big, hard cock—I know I surprised you, so I’ll give you some time.” She leans in, wraps a couple of fingers around the base to hold him steady, rubs the tip of another finger gently over the slit. He’s not fully hard yet, but getting there quickly; submitting to her is something that never fails to get him going, even if it doesn’t happen very often. “If you dribble out a little precome for me, I’ll reward you,” she reminds him, looking up, and his chest is heaving, his eyes dark.

She’s still turned on by how broad his shoulders are, how his big hands splay out on the desk, fingers spread; that doesn’t change just because he’s submissive. Sometimes it can be hard to remember he’s not being daddy, because she always thinks of him as daddy, but this is special, and she knows he needs her to be in charge today, so she focuses, for him.

“When it’s time, I’ll want your come in my mouth, and I’ll want a lot of it. If you don’t come enough for me, if you don’t fill my mouth, baby, you’ll be disciplined. Understand?” He nods.

“I understand.” She smiles, just a bit.

“Good boy. I know you’ll be perfect for me, because you always want to please me. You give me everything I want.” She runs a hand over his chest, gropes a little. “I won’t make you undress for this, since we’re at work, but tonight I want you stripped down and waiting for me on the bed when we get home. I want to taste you everywhere.” She leans up to lick the underside of his chin, and he blows out a trembling breath. “Understand?”

“I understand,” he rasps, and she pulls back, gets down on her knees so she’s at eye-level with his dick.

“Good boy,” she says right to it, and Aaron flexes his hands, moans softly. It’s very hard now, thick and veiny and hot, standing up without her help, and she curls her tongue around his balls, squeezes them with her fingers. “Mmm. Your balls are full, Aaron. I bet you’ll have some come left for me even after I swallow for you. I wonder if I could keep you hard enough to put it in my pussy; it might be a little uncomfortable, but you’d let me try, right?”

“My body is yours to use however you want, baby,” he murmurs, and she looks up, scrapes her nails over his lower belly. He licks his lips.

“Yes it is. We’ll see.” She looks back down, runs her fingers up the shaft slowly, rubs a little in a way that will provide just enough friction to make him desperate for more and provide no relief. “You got long and stiff for me quickly today, sweet boy. Very good work.” She swipes her tongue up his length, and he bucks his hips once before stilling again. She squeezes his thigh. “You get a warning for that, Aaron, but just one. Keep still for me; you know the rule.”

“I’m sorry. I know the rule,” he pants, and she licks him again, three times in succession; his hips remain still.

“That’s better. Are you drippy for me?” she asks rhetorically, and she pulls down on his dick to get a better look at the slit. There is a pool of precome, surely enough, that spills down the head at her touch, and she puts her mouth on him far enough to catch the drop, sucks softly as she pulls off. “Mmm. Tastes good, delicious boy. Maybe when you come I’ll keep my mouth open, so you can see how much you’re giving me. I hope it will be enough, because I’d hate to have to discipline you.”

“I hope so too,” he says, his voice tense with arousal. She brings her fingers to the head, presses against it so it’s laying against his stomach, and rubs a little, again more of a tease than anything. That doesn’t stop Aaron’s breath from hitching, his knuckles from turning white against the edge of the desk. “Oh, fuck.”

“Mm hmm. Feels good, doesn’t it? Everything I do feels good when I touch you so little; you’re desperate for it, my perfect boy. Perfect, horny, desperate boy.”

“Everything you do feels good always, baby. I’m so fucking desperate for you,” he pants. She stands smoothly, takes his chin in her hand, and pulls him down for a deep, wet kiss they both moan into.

“Time for your reward,” she breathes when the kiss breaks. “Then more inspection. You are not allowed to come. If you waste your orgasm, you won’t get another until Sunday. Do you understand?” It’s only Thursday, so this would be pure torture and they both know it. Aaron nods, wets his lips.

“I understand.”

“Good boy,” she says, and she puts her hands on his body, moves him toward the chair, gestures for him to sit in it. He does, and she steps between his knees, wraps a hand around his tie, pulls it so he’ll look up at her. “I love you, sweetheart. You’re doing so good for me. I know you’re going to like this reward, but you know what to say if you want to stop, right?” He nods tightly.

“I know what to say. Thank you. I love you.”

She hums, kisses him again, then unknots the tie, pulls it off slowly. His hands are resting on the arms of the chair, and she takes the tie and wraps it around one several times, knots it tightly. Aaron groans, tips his head back, and he looks so fucking sexy she could combust.

“Where’s your spare?” she asks, ignoring his sounds, ignoring her throbbing pussy, and he points to the third drawer on the left hand side. She opens it, finds the other tie, restrains his free arm just like the other; she is soaking wet when she admires her handiwork, and she’s very glad it’s reward time. Leaning against the desk like he did, she shimmies her skirt up, hops onto it, stretches back, supported by her hands. “Eat me until I come, Aaron. Don’t be afraid to get messy.”

He whimpers, and he’s still a little too far away for that, so she pulls his chair closer with her feet and hitches her knees up, giving him an unobstructed view of her bare, wet pussy. She praises herself for slipping away to the bathroom to take off her panties before coming up here.

“Jesus,” he groans, and he leans in, dips his tongue inside her immediately, collecting her slick, and her hips stutter, taking him deeper. “Mmh.” She runs her fingers through his hair, scrapes at his scalp, makes him moan again.

“Good boy. That feels so good. Fuck me with your tongue, baby, I want to feel it.” She’s sure it’s not that easy, without his hands to help, but he does shove it repeatedly inside of her, and she rocks against his face, keeping his rhythm. “Yes, sweet boy, just like that. So perfect, Aaron.”

He keeps it up for a couple of minutes, then pulls back, takes a deep breath and dives back in, licking up her slit to change things up, sucking on her lips. She rolls her body, both hands on his head, and squeezes her thighs together briefly; it feels really good, but also gets Aaron moaning like nothing else, and she has to shush him so no one hears.

“It’s okay, baby. I know you like that, but we have to keep quiet, sweetheart. If you want to come, you need to keep quiet.” She tugs him by his hair so he’ll lift off of her pussy; his mouth is shiny and wet, lips red, eyes wide and deep and dark, and she has half a mind to just say fuck it and let him dick her down on the desk, let the whole office hear, but she takes a deep breath, composes herself like a good little domme. “Are you alright to finish me, or was that enough?” she asks, and he nods, frantic.

“I want to finish, please. I want to eat your come, please,” he tells her, and she bites down hard on her bottom lip and brings his head back between her legs. That’s an offer she can’t refuse.

“Oh, fuck, yes, sweet boy,” she praises softly as he doubles down on his efforts to get her off. She wraps her fingers in the fabric of his shirt, pulls him closer, hooks her legs over his shoulders and tries her best to keep quiet as he brings her—sloppily but oh so wonderfully—to a leg-shaking, heart-pounding, breathless climax.

The first thing she wants to do after is slide off the desk into a puddle on the floor, but Aaron will need praise and affection from her, she remembers. She leans up, still a little shaky, and rubs her hands over his back as he laps at her come and slick as promised. Whoo boy. Naturally, Aaron finds a way to make his special sub time revolve around her pleasure and his prowess, however unintentionally.

“That’s enough, my good boy. You did amazing, baby, let me see your handsome face.” He looks up at her, rests his head on her thigh, thoroughly exhausted in a way you can only be after serving someone with everything you have. Real subspace is rare for him, but he’s there, and she’s glad. She knows he needed it desperately. “So perfect, sweetheart. My incredible, gorgeous husband. I love you so much.”

She reaches behind her, grabs some tissues Aaron keeps handy for tears and/or sex fluids, and cleans off his face, curls to take it in her hands so she can kiss him soft and sweet and loving.

“Did you come, baby?” she asks gently, and he shakes his head no. She caresses him, hugs him, kisses his face. “Oh, so smart and obedient. Amazing boy. Are you ready to finish inspection?”

“Yes, please,” he says softly, and she kisses his lips, pushes his chair back a little, and gets on her knees in front of him.

His cock is covered in precome now, but thankfully none got on his pants; she cleans him up slowly with her tongue, and he whimpers, his body practically trembling with need.

“Please. Please, Sophie,” he says, breathing hard. She takes one soft lick of his head and brushes her fingers through his hair.

“Shh. I’ve got you, baby. Your cock is perfect today, just like always—big and hard and pretty, wet and hot and delicious. Time to come for me, lots and lots, sweetheart, okay?” She runs her hands over his body, and he nods, leans down for a kiss.

She puts her mouth around him, strokes him, sucks him wet and tight, and, unsurprisingly, he finds his orgasm quickly, grips the arms of the chair tightly, gasps in pleasure. She slowly opens her mouth while stroking him, so he can watch himself spurt onto her tongue, and he’s blinking slowly, sighing deeply when he’s finished.

Only, he’s not finished, as she recalls. She climbs into his lap, pets his head, runs her hands over his bound arms, and kisses his lips.

“Can I fuck you, sweet boy? One more orgasm for both of us; I know you can do it.” He groans but nods his head, and she lines him up at her entrance, sinks down to take him in easily. They both moan louder than they should, and she rides him fast and hard, tugging his hair, biting his throat. “Yes, baby, perfect, baby. You came so good for me before, so much, perfect. You can come for me again, just a little. Just a little, sweetheart.”

“Oh, fuck. Sophie, fuck,” he groans, and she works the collar of his shirt open, bares the fleshy part of his shoulder, and bites and sucks a hickey there while she moves in his lap, fingers still tight against his scalp. “Yes, please, harder.” She’s not sure if he wants her mouth, hand, or hips to go harder, so she goes for all three, and he grunts and comes inside her again, just barely, but the way his body shakes tells her it was good regardless.

“Perfect, sweet, good boy, that’s just what I wanted. You came for me again, baby. God, you’re so good.” She focuses all her attention on his face, his mouth, kissing him and whispering into his ear, and then she comes too and they spend a moment just looking at each other, panting against each other’s lips.

When she feels like she might be able to climb out of his lap without tipping over, she does, gets to work untying his arms right away. He flexes his wrists, stands carefully, and puts both hands on her face, kisses her with such passion she almost falls, too. When he pulls back, he wets his lips, exhales deeply.

“My god, baby.” The corner of her mouth twitches up in a smile, and he smiles too, even though she’s fucking destroyed him; she thinks it was kind of what he needed, to crumble like ash so he can rise from it a little healthier, a little happier. She grabs more tissues and cleans off his cock, helps him get himself back together. She already misses the bruise she put on him, wishes she could leave his collar open for the world to see, but she’ll get to play with it tonight, so things could be worse.

“You were being a real beast today, sweetheart. It was the only thing I hadn’t tried, and the villagers were about to come burn down your castle, so… Figured it couldn’t hurt.” She leans up to kiss him, then cleans up her own situation, lets him fluff her hair and straighten her clothes because he likes doing that for her. “So here’s some water for the love of my life,” she says, handing him his bottle, “and I can run down to grab our lunches in a minute. Would you like to cuddle on the sofa first?”

They do, and he puts her legs in his lap and just clings to her, presses his face against her throat, breathes against her pulse. She sits with her arms wrapped around his shoulders, slips her fingers through his hair, and when there’s only a little time left in their lunch hour he tells her he’ll come down with her to grab their food, to refill his water bottle.

The atmosphere in the bullpen is a little tense when they pass through, but on their way back up to his office, she makes a joke about her being the beauty and him being the beast, and how that makes the others teacups and wardrobes and candlesticks (JJ is the teacup, Derek is the wardrobe, Spencer is the candlestick, that’s just how it is) and they both laugh, and sigh, and smile. She’s missed this while he’s been unhappy, hopes to god it lasts. Friday morning, Aaron is in a great mood, and they have sleepy, happy morning sex, and then they pick up donuts and good coffee for everyone, and Sophie gets several pats on the back from the members of her team.

[krreader]

seven sins | chapter eight.

pairing: bts x reader ; kim namjoon x reader fandom: bts warnings: non idol!au ; historical!au ; princes!bts ; concubine!reader ; abuse ; mentions of sex genre: fluff ; angst word count: 1.2k+ previous: 1 ; 2 ; 3 ; 4 ; 5 ; 6 ; 7

summary: even in times such as yours, you still led a privileged life with nothing to ask for. that is until first your father, then your mother died and you were left to care for your two younger sisters. the position for royal physician seemed to be open and with your father having been a general and your mother having been a maid for the queen, you thought you might be able to get it.. little did you know that your visit to the palace would put a completely different offer on the table.

a/n: we hate the queen in this house, but we love prince namjoon <3

You were having breakfast on your own today, or at least, that's what you thought you would have. Because you couldn't even sit down before a handful of guards walked into the hall where all the concubines were eating.

“The queen has ordered us to take you to the physician to see who of you is with child.”

For some reason, some of them were excited at that, while you were considering if you could maybe get out of this one somehow.

The ones who were excited probably expected to be with child. The ones that looked disappointed felt like it hadn't worked yet... the one that looked scared, you, was the one that knew she wasn't and wouldn't be anytime soon.

“You too,” a guard had approached you when you hadn't gotten up.

“Only Prince Seokjin is supposed to get me with child and I haven't had the chance to spend time with him yet,” you tried, but the guard wasn't having any of it.

“The queen specifically asked for you. So come with us, please.”

Of course, she did.

So you really didn't have a choice here. But at least you had an excuse as to why you weren’t with child yet, but the queen would still be suspicious once the physician confirmed it.

Nevertheless, the moment you were in your designated room, you also saw this as an opportunity to get one step further on your mission, the main reason you were here, after all. Though, it unfortunately became less of a priority these days. And it shouldn’t be like that.. at all. 

As the physician was getting ready, you asked: “So... I heard the position for royal physician hasn't been taken yet. Will you try to get it?”

The woman chuckled, “I'm just a regular physician, dear, and an old one at that. And besides, I heard the king is very... selective.”

That was good, that meant that it would take him some more time to make a decision. Hopefully enough for you to finally present your case.

“Have you felt any nausea lately?” the woman asked with a kind smile, ripping you out of your thoughts.

“Uh.. no. But I...- I mean, the princes, have been very careful with me, since Prince Seokjin is supposed to be the father of my children.”

The woman gently pushed your legs apart and due to your own knowledge in this field, you didn't even flinch.

“None of them have..-”

“No,” you quickly interrupted. Maybe a little too quickly, because she instantly looked up at you with a raised eyebrow. Still, she didn't respond to that, thankfully, “They listen to their mother very well.”

“They should,” the queen hadn't announced her entrance and you were quick to close your legs again, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable and vulnerable, “Oh, please. It's not like I haven't seen what's down there. Continue,” the queen asked – or rather demanded – of the physician.

She looked at you apologetically, but continued with her examination.

“I need to make sure that my sons' favorite concubine is healthy and happy, after all, right?” she chuckled, but you heard the undertone. There was no humor whatsoever. Just a warning, “Tell me, dear physician, how is the girl? Is she with child?”

“Well,” the healer pulled her hand back and closed your legs together, “She told me that your sons have been careful with her. It seems like they all did very well. I don't think she's with child.”

The queen looked at her for a very long time, then she started smiling and looked at you, “I'm sure that's the reason. My sons are very responsible, after all.”

She knew that they weren’t, you could tell.

You wanted to get out of here so desperately, with each passing moment, you felt more anxious, but the queen didn't seem like she wanted to leave. In fact, the way she looked at the physician made it obvious that she wanted her to leave, so that she'd get to have a moment alone with you.

Your pleading eyes didn't help, the physician left you and the queen after bowing deeply.

“You seem to forget that I am a woman too, my dear. I know you're lying to me,” she walked up to you, squatting down so that she could put her hand on your thigh, making you incredibly uncomfortable, “But I trust my healer. That means I have reason to believe that you're purposefully not getting pregnant.”

“No, I told you that..-”

“Oh please,” she snorted and instantly grabbed your thigh tighter, making you gasp, “Jimin has bragged to all of his brothers... and what about Taehyung? You think I'd believe that he'd just take you to his favorite spot and not spill his seed inside you? They're both possessive of you. Neither of them would let the chance slide to impregnate you themselves and brag to their brothers that they got you with child.”

“You're hurting me,” you tried to push her hand away, but she just put her other hand over your mouth.

“I will have you...-” but the moment she wanted to say killed, and you knew that's what she wanted to say, Namjoon walked into the room.

“I believe that is enough, mother.”

“Namjoon, my dear,” she let out a laugh that was supposed to make it better, instantly got up and approached him. She wanted to touch his cheek, but Namjoon caught her hand and stopped her, though a smile was still on his face. A smile that didn’t reach his eyes at all.

“I think it'd be best for you to leave right now. I would hate to tell my father about you abusing our favorite concubine.”

Despite you only seeing her back, you could tell how angry she was becoming. Nevertheless, she knew her place and that Prince Namjoon was one of the few princes that you needed to have immense respect of. This man could destroy your entire life in less than five seconds and she knew that.

She turned her head and looked at you with her evil eyes one last time, then she left.

Namjoon made sure that she was fully gone, before he closed the door behind him.

His back still turned to you, he began: “Forgive the queen. She often forgets her place in this palace.”

You couldn't answer, your entire body was beginning to feel the aftermath of what had just happened and your breathing became uneven.

However, what you thought would be a panic attack didn't get that far, because Namjoon placed a blanket over your lap, then he sat down next to you and smiled. This time, wholeheartedly.

“Nothing will happen to you here. You're probably the safest concubine in the country, you know?”

You gulped down hard and looked at him with wide eyes, not quite believing him.

“I have a feeling that more than one of my brothers would start a war for you. Which is very dangerous and I don't like this one bit, but I don't want to see you get hurt either.”

“You don't know me, though,” you whispered.

“True,” he chuckled, “Haven't gotten that chance yet. I'm a good big brother and let them have their fun first. And besides... I'm interested in way more than sleeping with you.”

Straight-forward and honest. Not the worst qualities.

You took a deep breath and sat up, straightening your back, “Then what are you interested in, my prince?”

Namjoon cocked his head to the side and smirked, “I know you've been taking herbs to not get pregnant.”

...what?

[huihuiheart]

Claiming - Hybrid! San

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Ateez Masterlist

Pairing: Tiger Hybrid! San x Female Reader

Genre: Smut + Fluff

Summary: Part 2 of Obvious - San’s heat is coming to an end and he’s finally ready to hear your explanation for the events that brought it on in the first place. He also realizes though that some of those feelings he had during the week weren’t just his heat talking.

Warnings: The implied cheating from part 1 is explained, unprotected sex, marking, dom/sub themes, oral (f! receiving), degradation, dirty talk, cursing, soft and hard dom San, biting, claiming, blood, slapping (one to the thigh).

Word Count: 2,884

Note: This was finished and edited on breaks between my first day of a new job, with only three hours of sleep in my body, so it might be a mess. If you have concerns or things that seem like they need to be fixed please send me an ask or pm to resolve it.

“A-All yours! I’m your filthy fucking slut! Your kitten! S-San please!” You wonder if you’ve done enough as he only curls his tongue into you once before pulling away again. When he’s flipping you over though and placing your hips on the highest part of the armrest to show your ass off you already know what he’s planning, “F-Fuck yes! San please, please fuck me so good! Show everyone who owns this pussy!”

San laughs breathlessly as he strips behind you, playfully spanking your ass as he teases his tip through your fold before gripping your hips harshly and suddenly thrusting all the way into you. Leaning down with a smirk he kisses the shell of your ear before whispering.

“Oh, I will, kitten. You’ll be dripping my cum for days.”

You stirred by the feeling of fleeting kisses against the sensitive marks littering your neck. Your quiet whimper makes San slow his pace, being more gentle in the way his lips and tongue soothe at the marks he so harshly left behind over the last few days.

“Are you already ready for another round?” You whine softly, slumber still deep in your voice as you don’t even open your eyes yet. San was definitely built for weeks like this whereas you...not so much, despite how pleasant it was.

San chuckles deeply, “I mean I am, but that’s not why I woke you. I hadn’t intended to wake you at all. You’ve done so well for me this week, but you’re so exhausted now I just wanted to let you sleep.”

You hum softly with a small yawn, “You’re oddly soft right now, is your heat over already?”

“Not entirely, but it’s pretty much passed. I might get a sudden flash or two of heat today and tomorrow, the worst is over though. I’m at least coherent again.” San brushes the hair out of your face as your eyes finally flutter open to look up at him, before he kisses you softly, “Though eating you out might help with that a little bit too.”

You snicker knowing his statement was actually a request, “Go ahead then, you woke me up anyway and I’m too tired to stop you.”

San hums teasingly, “More like too enticed to stop me.”

You roll your eyes, making San laugh a little as he moves to hover over you, gently nudging your bare legs apart. You’re clothed in only a shirt and some panties knowing anything more wouldn’t have lasted during his heat anyways...not that these often did either. 

His hands ease up your thighs, inching closer and closer to your panties and the beginning of a wet spot that was forming. His thumb finding your clit through the thin fabric and rubbing slow circles onto it, easing your sensitive body into arousal once more. 

“Looks like I’m not the only one who’s ready to go again.” San teases, nuzzling up your thigh until he reaches your panties. His tongue giving slow laps over the wetness seeping through the material, a moan low in his throat at your taste. 

His heat is still spiking just slightly with you like this, so his hands are already moving to take your panties off. Going as slow as he can will with his heat making itself known still, not to tease for once though, simply to ensure your comfort after the last couple days of restless fucking. 

San’s rough tongue is slow and gentle in its movements between your folds. Watching your face closely to take in how you were feeling. When he determines that you’re feeling good and it’s not too much he places a soft kiss on your clit before giving it some attention. His lips around your clit shrouding your whole body in sweet bliss. His goal is just to bring you over the sweet edge once and to do so gently, letting your tensed worn-out body release and finally relax some. Only lapping your release up for a little bit, not wanting to overstimulate you, just to clean you up.

“So good for me, kitten. Such a good girl.” San praises softly and you buzz at the praise drawing him up for a brief kiss.

“Does this mean we can finally talk about what happened?” You inquire with a quiet voice not wanting to push anything, especially with San’s heat still lingering.

San hums, “We can, but not yet. First I’m going to draw you a nice bath to relax and clean up in and then I’m going to feed you some breakfast. We can talk once I’ve made sure you’ve had a chance to recover.” 

He kisses your forehead before going to do as he had said he was going to. Humming a soft tune as he goes, something that eases your worries about where you and he stood.

Leaning back in your seat after finishing a full meal without interruption for the first time in four days you were starting to feel much more recharged now. Thinking that San may have had a good point in wanting to clean up and eat properly first. 

Resting your chin in your palm you watch him as he finishes up his own food and it makes him chuckle, “That eager to talk about it?”

“I mean...I’ve been anxious about it so kind of ready to get it over with. I’m worried about what you think of me.” You admit, leaning into San’s touch when you feel him cupping your cheek.

“I know I get jealous easily, but I trust you, my love. I know whatever explanation you have will be reasonable.” San encourages brushing his thumb over your skin.

“My brother is visiting, so I went to spend some time with him. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him, so there was a lot of hugging involved.” You laugh a little when San’s brows furrowed in confusion knowing the scent wasn’t anything like yours or anyone in your family, “He was my foster brother. My family looked after him for a few years until someone adopted him...well before we were able to anyways. He comes and visits when he can, but it’s not super often. I was going to tell you about it, considering he wants to meet you, but it kind of triggered your heat, so we’ve not really got a chance to talk about that.”

San flushes a little rubbing the back of his neck, “Yeah...we have been a bit preoccupied...but of course, I’d want to meet him! Though I am curious as to why he wants to meet me.”

“He said it’s because you’re important to me...and he says he can tell from how happy I am that you’re the one. So he wants to come to see if you have any wedding plans or anything I guess.” You laugh a little but notice how his ears perk up at the mention of weddings.

“Oh? It’s interesting you bring that up...cause my heat got me thinking about somethings.” San admits, blushing a slightly deeper hue now. 

This time it’s you who reaches out to him, cupping his cheek in your palm and trying to calm him, “Well you can talk to me about it if you’re ready to. You know that.”

San nods softly, hand slipping over yours and turning his head to kiss your palm, “I just want to move too fast and scare you away or anything.” 

“If you’re moving too fast I’ll say so, but I seriously doubt you’ll ever scare me away at this point. If that was going to happen it would have happened a long time ago.” You joke with him, trying to lighten the mood some and put him more at ease.

“Well we haven’t really talked about it too much, so for starters...hybrids don’t usually have a wedding as you would have. I mean...I’m not opposed to it of course especially for you and your family. I know how special and meaningful that is for you...but we take that step differently typically.” San explains, noticing how your face scrunches in confusion. You had done a lot of research about hybrids having San around and wanting to be familiar with his needs and what to expect, yet you’d never seen anything that you could think he could be talking about now.

“Well then what do you usually do? I want to know. If we were to have a wedding for me, then I’d want to do the equivalent for you too.” You encourage and he takes your hands in his carefully.

“Why don’t you hear what it is before making that decision, my love. It might not be so pleasant for you...like my heat you’ll be okay to handle it, but you weren’t made for it either. So if you don’t want to do it I understand.” San leans forward brushing your hair back and kissing your forehead softly, “For hybrids, we do something a lot less public...and a lot more intimate. Usually, we get the urge to do it while in our heat, but unless we really want that it goes away after our heat...that desire isn’t going away for me this time. I want it still.” 

Your skin is a bit heated at the implications, but you still have so many unanswered questions, “Just tell me what happens San. It’s alright.”

“When a hybrid and the person who he wants to be with forever...to be his mate are...well...breeding. He claims her, right here...” San’s thumb brushes over the sensitive skin on your sweet spot, the very spot he loves to suckle his marks onto, “ It’s a bite simply put, meant to leave a lasting mark for anyone to see. It will hurt and it will bleed, but I promise it will make you feel good too and I’ll take care of you if you were to agree.” 

You hum, processing his explanation for a moment, “And you want to do that with me?”

San nods almost immediately, “I do. I really...really do, but I don’t want to hurt you or do anything that would make you upset or uncomfortable.”

“Well, I’ll agree...on one condition.” You finally voice your opinion and it has San looking at you intently, waiting to hear whatever it was your condition would me. Ready to do anything in a heartbeat, “I want to do this in some sort of order that makes sense to me too...so propose first and once we’re engaged you can claim me in every way you want San.”

“Oh fuck...I totally forgot about the whole engagement thing...I have to get a ring, don’t I? ...fuck, I don’t even know where to start.” San whines and it makes you giggle.

“Who says we have to have the ring in hand for you to propose? You can ask without it...besides I’m sure my family would love to help you pick something out later.” You smirk at him, watching as it takes a minute to understand what you mean before getting giddy once again.

San scrambles down onto one knee, giggling a little himself, “Well then...Y/N will you marry me? Will you be my one and only? Forever?”

“Yes San, I will.” You giggle back, cupping his cheeks and leaning down to kiss him. Something he easily returns as he stands and takes you into his arms. 

It doesn’t take long for the kiss to become more intense, San’s heat flashing through him again at your agreeing and touch. It being enough to spur on another wave of desire, one that was obvious even to you as a human. In part because you knew him and in part due to the fact that his skin burned under your touch, his arousal building beneath his pants and pressing against your hip.

“Well go on then...if you want it so badly I’m not going to stop you San. I want it too, to be yours for the whole world to see...claim me San.” Your pleads have San growling, nipping at your lips before capturing them passionately once more. His hands groping at any part of you that they could get to as he gets more desperate to feel you again. 

San’s hands move to grip your thighs, pressing against you before picking you up to carry you back to your bedroom. His tongue laving over your sweet spot, before giving it special attention with his lips, only breaking away to lay you back onto the bed. 

“How sore are you, kitten?” San asks, hands toying with the hem of the shirt you were wearing as he watches your face.

“Not enough that you should hold back.” You smirk, knowing what he was asking and he smacks your thigh playfully, barely leaving a sting.

“Don’t get cocky with me, just because I’m trying to take care of my kitten. Besides you’re going to be sore again after this.” San’s words sound more like a promise than anything else as his lips find your throat again, seemingly fixed on it right now. His hands working your shirt up at a slow pace, not ready to leave the sweet spot his mouth was focused on again yet. 

“I better be. I like having that constantly reminding me of you. Besides, the things that lead to me being so sore are the most fun anyway.” Your words make San smirk against your skin, before pulling back to pull your shirt off entirely.

“Oh is that so kitten? Does my girl like it rough?” San mocks leaning down to bite playfully at your nipple, “Want me to ruin you?” 

“Fuck, yes...I do. I want it so badly.” Your desperation is growing along with his and making you both restless. San’s chuckle turns into a growl as he smells your arousal in the air. 

San’s fingers slip down between your folds, seeing how wet you were before quickly pulling your panties down. His hand moves to return to your folds until you push it away, making his eyes snap up to your face sternly.

“Easy there tiger.” You snicker, “I’m not stopping you, it’s just...” 

San’s brows furrow at your hesitance thinking maybe you were reconsidering this for now, until he sees how flustered you are instead of regret on your face, “What is it kitten?”

“Please no teasing...I’m already ready for you again, no prep.” You admit and San licks his lips looking down at your soaked folds. 

“Oh, so that’s what it is hm? And here I thought I was the desperate one with my heat.” San taunts, making quick work of his pants and letting his hard cock slap against his abs. 

You nod, biting your lip. Though soon it won’t matter what you do, San will have you screaming. San’s tip running through your sodden folds as something, before pushing into you. The feeling only more familiar after the last few days, but no less blissful. His hands gripping your hips, thumbs rubbing at your skin, before his touch gets firmer, holding you in place. His thrusts start slow, but deep and forceful, hitting all the right spots. Enamored with the way your breasts bounce with each thrust, leaning down and teasingly flicking his tongue over one of your nipples. 

As his pace picks up his hands move to your thighs, pushing them open to give himself full access to your heat. His one hand moving up again, his thumb finding your clit and rubbing circles onto it. His other hand now gripping your jaw to make you look into his eyes. His lips moving in towards yours, growling against your lips.

“Fuck kitten, you’re so good for me. You’re going to take it, won’t you? You’ll cum and then take everything I give you like a good girl won’t you?” San’s questions are more of a demand knowing that you could, but there’s a desperation to them that lets you know he needs your answer too. 

Your palms pull his face in for a kiss before moving his face to your neck again, fingers tangling into his hair and tugging to a nip and another growl.

"I...I'm going to cum for you San..." You keen, San thrusting harder, his fingers putting more pressure on your clit. Trying to distract you from the initial pain you would soon feel as he bites down onto your sweet spot the second he feels you cumming around him. The pain soon bleeds into white-hot pleasure coursing through your whole body, riding you through your orgasm, the more intense you've had yet as he cums inside of you.

Once you've both started to come back to reality San leans down, gently lapping at the wound as blood trickles out and onto your skin. Before giving you a short, sweet kiss.

"I'm going to clean that up and get it taken care of and then I'll take care of the rest of you kitten." He promises, kissing your forehead, " You've done so good for me you can rest now."

His words of assurance are all your body needs for you to start drifting off again. Only slightly registering the feeling of him cleaning and dressing the wound for you before you're entirely swept away into your dreams...dreams of the future. Of your future, with San.

Tags: @foreveryouaremystar​

[trashytummiez]

what if Orca ate too much and Killer Croc rubs her belly?

Killer croc returned to his underground lair and rubbed his scaly stomach hungrily. It growled like an animal and left him grumbling for his own stomach to keep it down. But when he checked his fridge to his dread he saw the whole thing was picked clean.

"What the hell?!" Croc shouted.

He had a stocked fridge when he left how could it it be empty just like that?

Then he heard groaning from the other room and straight away got his answer.

There he found his girlfriend Orca sitting on the floor and caressing her massively stuffed tummy. Orca had eaten so much that her stomach looked like she was pregnant and expecting any second now. Her blubbery tummy was so huge that she had to sit on the floor with her back against the wall and her thighs spread out just to give it some room to breathe.

"Ey why'd ya eat everythin' in the fridge??" Killer Croc complained.

Orca groaned miserably. "Unnngh sorry Croc. Something got me feeling anxious again so I had to distract myself..."

"So ya settled on cleanin' me out?"

Orca hiccuped which made her huge belly jostle and slorsh. Not a good feeling right now. "...Unf couldn't help myself..."

The way her massive tummy groaned so loudly was enough to make even Killer Croc cringe almost as hard as Orca did. He'd certainly been there countless times in his life.

He decided to cut his girlfriend some slack so Croc sat down next to her and planted his rough scaly hands against her giant smooth tummy. Then in a surprisingly gentle way Killer croc began to rub Orca's massive tummy with a great deal of care. His hands delicately moved up the giant blubbery medicine ball of a tummy where his claws gently dug into the fat flesh.

Orca's eyes rolled to the back of her head and she moaned at the much needed tummy rub. For a monster so rigid Killer Croc knew how to be surprisingly tactile and docile with her.

"That feel good?" Croc asked.

Orca hummed through her chest and smiled pleasantly.

Killer Croc grinned and kept it up even when his own stomach rumbled.

Orca frowned guiltily when she heard Croc's scaly belly complaining. "Sorry I really should've left you something..."

"Ah it's cool. It's pretty late so I'll go back up t'the surface and find a mugger later."

Orca shrugged. At least Killer Croc would be getting a more filling meal that way. Then she continued to enjoy his soothing treatment over her tummy.

His scaly hand ran up and down the fatty side of Orca's massive stomach. He just kept rubbing it up and down occasionally rubbing upwards with his palm or gripping into Orca's blubber and kneading it to help it settle. Croc's hands traced over every bit of that giant whale belly and kneaded into it on top of rubbing away.

Orca sat there loving every second of it. Especially when Croc dug his claw into her very deep belly button. Croc kneaded into Orca's navel moving around circularly inside which got Orca moaning a little louder. Even when she was human her belly button was always extra delicate.

When Croc yanked his claw out of her belly button her whole chubby tummy wobbled around until Croc patted it heartily which caused it to slosh around and made Orca hiccup again.

"Man ya really know how to pack this stuff away don'tcha!" Croc admired.

"I stress-eat sometimes," Orca admitted with embarrassment. "I keep meaning to maintain better self control."

"Pssh self control's overrated," Killer Croc dismissed speaking from extensive gluttonous experience himself. "Besides ya look good with a belly on ya," Croc almost purred when he grabbed a hold of Orca's hefty blubbery tummy.

Orca blushed and scowled back in response. "Y-You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"Naw I'm serious," Croc insisted and looked down at that big plump tummy which he rubbed circles all over. "Ya look sexy as hell."

"...You're an idiot..." Orca said but the way her cheeks flared up hinted something else.

She didn't object when he continued stroking her tummy though. Her silky flesh felt so smooth to Croc even with his scales partially diluting everything he felt. Even he could feel the sleekness to it and how much softer it was when Orca was so unbelievably bloated. He couldn't help marvel at her girth as his hands roamed every bit of that hefty belly.

Killer Croc fondled her heavy underbelly gripping into her tummy and heaving her whole stomach up a little to just feel its weight in his arms. And the way he looked down at this massive tummy with this hungry look in his eyes was telling.

Maybe Killer Croc really did have a thing for tummies, especially Orca's tummy.

Orca also had to admit. Having her belly tended to by her big scaly boyfriend was doing something for her too.

It was enough to make her forget all about her troubles. At least until Killer Croc brought it back up.

"So what was buggin' ya anyway?" Croc asked while he rubbed.

Orca shifted a little. "You know me. I'm an anxious person."

"But ya usually ain't anxious fer nothin'."

"I don't know. I guess I was just thinking about the future. I've accepted this is who I am now but I don't know things like how it's going to affect my lifespan if I can have children or if it will affect my mind going forward."

"You've been this way fer years now though."

"Mutations do still occur and I never got a chance to read the fine print when they transformed me."

Killer Croc frowned. He'd changed a lot too when he grew up but for as much as he mutated he was still himself. "D'ya feel any different?"

"No?"

"Yer thoughts ever make ya think differently?"

"Well I didn't used to think humans tasted so good," Orca joked and rubbed her fat belly fondly patting it a few times too. "Besides my hunger and my new body though no. I guess not."

"I ain't smart bout nothin' but I know people well enough. I think the fact yer so nervous bout this sorta crap only means yer still you cuz ya always overthink crap. Comes with bein' a nerd right?"

"Scientists aren't nerds," Orca frowned.

Croc grinned teasingly. "C'mon ya could be playin' video games with me but instead yer always readin'? Yer the queen'uh nerds babe!"

"And you're an asshole."

Killer Croc laughed and nodded in agreement. Orca herself couldn't help laugh and shake her head. Croc wasn't the most sensitive of maneating monsters but he was surprisingly very good at listening and helping Orca get out of her own head sometimes. That was all she really needed sometimes and he never failed to give her that relief from her own anxieties.

"Thank you," she said sincerely.

Croc smiled back at her and leaned up to kiss her on the lips.

Or at least he tried to until her huge belly gurgled heavily enough to actually make it ripple slightly.

Orca cringed and turned her head with a fist pushed against her mouth. She stifled a deep burp in her mouth that Killer croc could hear rumbling in her cheeks. Then Orca gripped the dead center of her chunky belly and muffled an even bigger burp that made her cheeks balloon out somewhat.

She blew the gas out from the corner of her mouth and blushed.

"Unnnnf excuse me. That was gross," Orca pardoned herself.

"Pssh ya forget who yer datin'?" Killer Croc teased. "Don't hold 'em in if yer feelin' gassy babe. That ain't gonna feel too hot fer yer gut."

Killer Croc leaned his heavy scaly torso against Orca's giant belly. The added weight of his body alone was causing the pressure to build but then he squeezed Orca's tummy firmly and forced that pressure right up her throat. Before she could stop herself Orca a huge echoing burp that rumbled throughout the tunnels.

BBBRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHP!!!!!!!!!

Croc grinned. "There ya go babe! Get it all out!"

Killer croc gripped the center of Orca's belly and pushed his hands deeply into the middle of her heavy tummy. Before Orca could tell Croc off she burped so hard that the ground felt like it was shaking!

HHUUUUUUUURRRRRAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOURRRHP!!!!!!!!!

Croc laughed heartily. "Damn! Ya been holdin' out on me haven'tcha!"

Orca panted heavily and waved her hand to get Croc to pause for a moment. Her blubbery tummy rose and fell heavily with her stunted breath. Orca's face was pretty red. She was never shy about burping at all even back when she was still human. But these days she usually only did that either if she was alone or if the only other person around was in her stomach.

She couldn't help be a little embarrassed by how loud they were. But she had to admit it felt so much better getting the gas out.

Whatever the case Orca puffed out her cheeks and blew in a weary sort of way. "Ungh push here," Orca instructed Killer croc pointing right around her belly button again. She felt that part of her stomach bubbling and making it feel even more tense.

"Grand finale time huh?" Croc grinned. Then he pushed his thumbs into Orca's belly button and pressed both hands right into the middle of her chunky gut. They actually sank into the blubbery belly fat and caused her whole stomach to churn.

The Orca's mouth parted with an absolutely colossal burp that was louder than any she'd ever let out and rumbled out of her tummy so long that Croc stopped counting the seconds.

AAAAAAAAAHHRRAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUURRRRAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOORRRRRHHHHUUUUUURRP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Orca panted so heavily she started drooling. She slumped back in a daze feeling absolute relief while her belly spilled out freely and bubbled much more softly.

Killer croc slapped his thigh with laughter. "GAHAHAHA!!! Holy shit babe! You'n I definitely gotta have ourselves a contest later!" He said childishly patting her tummy and making her hiccup again.

The relief she felt was so astronomical that Orca didn't even blush. She just smacked her lips and said, "I wouldn't want to embarrass you."

And in an uncharacteristic display of cockiness Orca thumped her chest and burped one last time to prove her point.

[fczco]

DOWN FOR YOU | RAFE CAMERON

Masterlist on pinned!

A.N: If you feel like this is familiar maybe you read it on my wattpad account or on here before i deactivated! English is not my first language so please be kind. 

WORDS COUNT: 1,1K

WARNINGS: Maybe some swearing i seriously do not remember.

BASED ON DOWN FOR YOU BY RUEL

You said we'd just drop by

But I wasn't invited

You'd already decided

That I was coming too

"i promise you we will eat with and go away" Rafe said while you both entered the big house.

It was a warm sunday night and your boyfriend had asked you to go with him to a big family reunion that the Cameron's would pull off every summer, where everyone in the family tree was invited. It was not your place at all, even though you had been dating for a few weeks now, you still a pogue and were not prepared for this at all, to be honest it felt a little rushed and early to meet everyone in Rafe's family but you went anyways just to please the boy.

"Rafe! and... Y/N!" Rose said when she saw you two "hello honey, i didn't know you were coming today!" she looked at Rafe with a confused frown in her face, not because she didn't like you, in fact she loved that Rafe had finally found someone as sweet as you are, the woman was just confused at the situation.

"Hi Rose" you said while smiling at her a little bit.

"Please feel free to call me if you need anything, welcome" she said before taking a big sip of her red wine glass and walking away.

"Rafe i am not even invited, what's going on?" you asked to the boy as you turned to look at him.

"I decided that you were coming, what's wrong with that?" he stared at you, having to back down his head a little bit due to the height difference.

"Rose was not aware that i was coming that's what it's wrong!"

"Y/N, like i said before, i promise you we will eat and after that we can do whatever you want to do, ok?" he placed both his hands on your cheeks to after grab your hand and take you more inside of the house.

I can't stand all these people

All trying to please you

They don't even see you

The way I do

You hated this. The only person you really know besides Rafe in the 'party' was Sarah, and she wasn't anywhere to be found, "she probably didn't even came and is out there somewhere with John b" you thought to yourself.

It was almost half past twelve and you still there, sitting at a little table with Wheezie, who was also not very excited about the whole thing. Watching Rafe being so different around everyone, he pretended to be someone you knew he was not in reality.

The whole environment was completely fake and whoever who looked closely could notice it. People rolling their eyes at each other when they were not looking, Ward ranting about how Rafe was going to start college again the next year when it was totally false, old mans indirectly competing to see who was the richest. It made you feel glad of not growing up surrounded by these human beings.

Two AM, haven't left

No one cares, just me, I guess

But I can't leave you

Two a.m in the clock, your boyfriend didn't kept his promise and you still in the hell that was the family reunion.

You were having a non-alcoholic cocktail while listening to Rafe talk to someone you had no idea who was as he had his big hand wrapped around your waist. Multiple times you contemplated just going home but ending up washing the thought of it of your mind.

I wasn't gonna say nothing

But I'm about to break something

How you gonna take all of my time

Half past two, still between Rafe's hold when the people he was talking to decided to go talk to someone else. You were trying hard to not start an argument about how he dragged you here knowing you hate this stuff and how he lied to you.

"you having a good time?" he asked you, and that was it, that was your breaking point.

"you're seriously asking me that?" he nodded, a little bit confused by the angry tone of your voice, "well, let's see, first of all YOU KNEW i do not like things like this at all, but i accepted to come just for you, then you promised me we would eat and go, IT'S HALF PAST TWO IN THE MORNING"

"I KNOW OK, I'M SORRY FOR WANTING YOU TO MEET MY FAMILY" he slightly yelled making some of the guests look at you both. He took your hand and walked to one of the house hallways where no one was around.

"Rafe this is not your family and you know it, i could barely recognize who you were while talking to them" he stared at your eyes for a few seconds, without saying a word and then walked away into the party.

You know that I hate this place

But if you wanna stay, I do too

We'll let the night turn to day

Yeah, I'm down either way

'Cause I'm so down for you

Rafe didn't expect all of that to happen, he just wanted his family, especially his father to notice he could have good stuff on his life, that he was not a lost case, not anymore because he had found you. You had changed him for better and everyone could tell that. He wanted to have fun with you, at least until the reunion ended so he could take you to his bedroom's balcony to watch the sunrise together as you did a few days ago at the beach. Rafe was aware of how deeply he was falling, everyday he fell a little bit more, and he loved the idea of being so down for you.

And I can't find the patience

For all the conversations

And all of these blank faces

I should leave, I haven't yet

But when you smile, I just forget

But I can stay a while, I guess

A very drunk woman was talking with you about taxes, you barely said a word due to your lack of information about the topic. A few moments later you were surrounded by females on their forty's asking you about your boyfriend and it was starting to make you anxious.

Lucky you, the young man interrupted the interrogation and took you away from them.

"come with me" he said and you obeyed following him outside the house.

Both of you were sitting in a little outdoors type of couch, watching Rose forcing Ward to dance with her. Your head was placed on his chest and you lifted up a little bit to see him smile at the scene, he realized of your stare and looked down at you and his smile went bigger.

"what?" you asked him and he just giggled "why you looking at me like that pretty boy?" you insisted while laughing at his cute face.

"cause i'm so down for you woman" you smiled at his response and sat straight to kiss him.

[beelshamburger]

Could you do the 29 of kissing prompts with Lucifer please? I absolutely adore your writing!

Sure thing and thank you 😊! Sorry for taking long, sometimes muh brain goes blank PFT also I did not mean for this to be as smutty so I apologize for letting my horny side take over I just really had to do it 😔

29. Hushed whispers between kisses (Lucifer x MC, a bit lot of smut)

"Luci." You whispered, waving your boyfriend over. "Psttt Lucifer, come over here!!" You softly yelled. A familiar figure made its way towards you, quickly.

"What do you think you're doing?" Lucifer asked in a grave tone, but the ghost of a smile appearing on his face.

"I'm playing hide and seek with the guys." You said. "We all had a bet that Mammon wouldn't be able to find us in less than an hour, and you know him, he got mad and then challenged everyone to a game of hide and seek."

Lucifer smirked. "That doesn't surprise me. How long have you been playing?"

"One hour and forty five minutes." You grinned, and Lucifer laughed. You pet the spot next to you and motioned for Lucifer to sit down. He thought it over for a bit, probably remembering all the things he needed to do, but he shook his head and decided to take a break for a bit.

You leaned your head on his shoulder and Lucifer sighed happily.

"So how many of the others has Mammon caught?" He asked, and you held up one finger.

"Let me guess, Belphegor?" He said with a smile, and you nodded.

"Yup! Honestly he didn't even try to hide, he was just laying on the floor and Mammon found him as soon as he stopped counting. I'm surprised he hasn't found Beel yet though."

"He has lasted this long?" Lucifer asked, and you shrugged.

"Honestly at this point I am 99% sure that Beel and Asmo have left the building. Beel from hunger, and Asmo to go shopping. He probably invited Beel to go and eat with him and everything."

"And Leviathan?"

"He probably grew tired and went to his room to watch anime, and Satan is definetly in the library."

A mischievous smirk appeared on Lucifer's face, and you raised an eyebrow, confused.

Lucifer got closer to you and gently lifted your chin up, making you look up at him.

"That means we're technically the only ones here. The others are far too busy with their own things, it's as if they weren't home at all."

You blushed. "What about Mammon?"

"I'll give him at least one more hour until he finds us." He whispered, and then, gently tucked a lock of your hair away from your face and kissed you softly. You melted into the his, placing your hand on his chest and then pulled away.

"Mmm...but what if he finds us while we're..." You turned red and Lucifer chuckled, kissing you again.

"Let's not worry about that for now."

Lucifer gently pulled you to straddle him, and you wrapped your arms around him, running your fingers through his hair.

You moaned as you deepened the kiss, but then-

"Oi where the hell are ya guys? Seriously!" A familiar voice yelled from the end of the hall.

You were both hiding behind a statue, so you were out of sight, but you just couldn't help but feel anxious as Mammon made his way towards the end of the hall.

Then, you gasped as Lucifer kissed your neck.

"Lucifer! He's right there!" You whispered, looking from the corner of your eye at a very mad and confused Mammon. Lucifer briefly glanced towards his brother's direction and then looked back at you, smirking.

"He can't see us." He kissed you deeply and ran his hands up and down your body.

"Mmgh...! But, Luci, what if he hears me or decided to suddenly- mmmph!!" You jumped as Lucifer pulled you towards him, kissing you roughly. You bit your lip as he kissed your neck, then made his way down to your chest and unbottoning your shirt.

The sound of footsteps walking down the hallway made your heart beat even faster.

"W-we can't do this in here, Mammon-!"

"Would you rather I'd stopped?" He teased, and stopped kissing you, leaving you bare and cold. You yearned for his touch, for his kiss, for him, even if you didn't want to admit it.

You whimpered and looked around nervously, trying to make sure Mammon wasn't suddenly in front the two of you.

"F-fine! We can do it once, but quickly. And don't tease me." You grunted.

"Of course not love, I wouldn't dare." He smirked and went back to kissing you.

"You make the most adorable sounds." He whispered as he kissed your neck, and you bit your lip.

"If he catches us I'm n-not speaking to you ever again." You had to admit though, you were having a pretty good time.

"I'll make sure he doesn't." He bit your neck and you tried to hold back a moan, but failed, making Mammon immediately look up.

"The fuck was that?" He said, and made his way towards the two of you. Your gripped Lucifer's shoulders tightly to signal him to stop, but he only kept nipping and biting harder and on your most sensitive spots. Not only that, but he was also grinding against you, hard, one of his hands fondling your chest and the other one tightly gripping your hair.

You could quickly feel yourself reaching your climax from him touching and licking all of your sensitive spots, and your heart beat faster and faster both from the pleasure and the panick.

Mammon was now closer, literally about to find the two of you out, and you hid your face on Lucifer's shoulder to try and muffle your moans, about to come.

And then, before Mammon could look around the statue, a small buzzing sound came out of nowhere.

Mammon quickly grabbed his phone -which was currently vibrating, probably from a text- and took a glance. Then he made a victory yell and dance, and quickly ran over to the end of the hallway and disappeared as he turned the corner.

You quickly looked at Lucifer who had a smug look on his face, and before you could ask him anything he rubbed against you roughly and you gasped as you felt a wave of pleasure go down your body.

The two of you panted and you shyly glanced up at home hitting him on the chest gently.

"Idiot....he could've caught us." You mumbled and Lucifer laughed, patting your head.

"Did you really think I would have let him? Of course I was going to drop him before he found us. And now that there's no one else bothering us anymore, how about we continue?" He whispered, hid eyes filled with lust and love. You sighed and let out a small laugh.

"Alright mister. Only because you did a great job before. This time we're doing this in your room though.~"

[bellatrixobsessed1]

The Killing Cure (Part 21)

So this is another mobile post. Will put it under the cut when I get to my desktop.

He doesn't know how he hadn't noticed promptly; Lady Dimitrescu, though she is still much taller than he, is actually quite small. He wonders if the woman is aware silent in his embarrassment he strikes his forehead with the heel of his hand, stupid stupid Salvatore, of course the lady I knows! She is a smart woman and a change so big…? Small…? Profound, wouldn't go unnoticed. It is somewhat comforting if he were to be honest. Before she was such an intimidating presence to be around. So much so that he sought to avoid her if he could help it.

But the woman who sits before him, shifting in the chair with a look of mild disgust is infinitely more approachable.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

Dimitrescu shakes her head and is hear sinks. He is loathsome, repulsive, repugnant! Of course she doesn't want anything that has been delivered by his grimy hands.

"You got any beer? I haven't had a good beer in a while." Ethan requests. "I could use one."

Salvatore nods eagerly. He hasn't had company in so long, much less company that is willing to let him be hospitable. Only Mother Miranda let's him be hospitable.

He plops a can into the man's hand. He visibly cringes when the slime runs down the side of his his palm. And for a second Salvatore thinks that he will put the drink inside. Instead he wipes the can clean and pops the cap.

"Are you sure that you don't want anything, Lady Dimitrescu?"

"To eat or drink, absolutely."

He thinks that he hears Ethan grumble, "you should eat, those vitamines are only supplements."

"But there is something else that I would like." She carries on as though she hadn't heard the man sitting next to her.

"How can I help?" He has asked the wrong question. He knows that he cannot help. He wonders why she is asking him rather than Donna or even Karl. Surely even Karl is a more desirable option.

"Winters and I are looking for his daughter. I imagine that Mother Miranda has given you a role to play? I am asking you to... reconsider your alliances."

"Betray Mother Miranda?" He squeaks. He could never! He doesn't understand how she could ask such a thing! To betray the only person who has seen his value.

"I-I couldn't possibly, Lady Dimitrescu! Mother Miranda has been good to me."

"By turning you into a gross and gushy fish...man...thing?" He chuckles to himself, "manthing." And then he clears his throat, reverting back to tealitibe seriousness, "I wouldn't call that good."

"I...well it's...nobody, mostly nobody, messes with me anymore."

"That's because you isolated yourself in a swamp." Lady Dimitrescu drums her claws...former claws upon the armrest.

Salvatore slinks back. "Mother Miranda sees my value." Even where he doesn't, she always has.

.oOo.

"She doesn't see your value, Moreau. She sees you vulnerabilities and she uses them." Just as she had used her. And how lovely it had been to believe those lies. "I see your value, Moreau." At least she hopes that she will in time. She thinks that even he can tell that she is telling pretty lies.

"I know how you look at me and my dwelling." He gestures about the place. "You want to use me."

"So then what does it matter? You're being used either way, what difference does it make who's using you?" She scoffs.

Ethan nudges her. "What she means to say is that we would really appreciate your help."

"I meant what I said, Winters!" She snaps.

Ethan inhales deeply, "I would value your help. And I wouldn't use you. You gave me a beer, we're friends now."

"Friends?" Moreau tests the word.

"You ever have a friend before?"

Moreau meekly shakes his head, "none at all, Winters."

"Well now you do and you can start by calling me Ethan."

Now Moreau looks far beyond anxious. The pathetic creature is all jittery and stuttering.

"B-but you won't like me. You'll find me repulsive eventually."

"I already do but friends look past that. I was able to look past Alcina's occasional blood baths. She smells like a corpse when she comes out of those and it's pretty awful."

Alcina clenches her teeth, cheeks coloring ever so slightly. "How dare you--"

"I look past a whole lot of that too." He jabs his thumb at the snarl on her face. "She's pretty cranky all the time but she isn't so bad once you get used to traveling with her."

"Blood and mucus are not the same. At least she's nice to look at."

Ethan smiles a lopsided awkward smile. "Yeah she's a beautiful lady. Her eyes are alluring, her face is charming, she has nice hair and a fantastic…"

"Winters, stay focused!" She demands sharply.

"Ass." He whispers to Moreau.

She shoves him off of the couch, "have some tact or sit yourself down next to Moreau, you loose lipped oaf."

Ethan rubs his own rear. "Well anyways, to show you that I am not repulsed by you I will gladly sit next to you until Alcina wants to be nice to me. She rolls her eyes as one cretin seats himself next to the other.

He does his best to keep the appalled expression off of his face even as the stench of death and fish assaults his nostrils. His eyes are watering and Alcina smirks. She must admit that the man is very good at feigning acceptance.

For a heartbeat she wonders if he is only pretending to accept her, wonders if he will stab her in the back as soon as he has his Rose back. She bites the inside of her cheek.

"So what do you say Moreau? Trade a heartless cultist for a real companion?"

"I'll consider." He twiddles his thumbs.

But she knows him, she knows that he won't want to venture beyond his comfort zone. And his comfort zone wears a bird mask.

"If you can stay the night, I will have the answer by morning."

.oOo.

It was exactly what he was hoping to avoid; staying here with the putridly smelling miasma of sea and decay. And on a makeshift hammock that is damp and slicked with what could either be mold or algae.

He doesn't want to rest which it is. He is rather content in his blissful ignorance. He can't deny that he is quite pissed that Alcina has taken the dry cot. He can't even get to sleep in a perfectly hammock and has no idea how Moreau can possibly sleep in what looks to be a large and repurposed fishing net.

He groans and makes his first attempt to scramble onto the hammock. By the fourth, he is ready to sleep on the floor.

He pretends not to hear her when Alcina slips into the room. A feat made harder by the very obvious cracking of the floorboards.

“Winters…” She looks off for a moment. “I’d like you to spend the night with me again.”

With only a sentence, his anger dissipates, "shit,I thought you'd never ask."

"After your," she coughs, "crass commentary, I wasn't going to. But I changed my mind."

"What made you do that?"

"This place is damp and chilly. You are warm."

It sounds like an excuse to him but he isn't one to question a mercy no matter how small.

This cot is even smaller than the one at House Bennivento. Ethan is certain that Alcina is plenty aware of this. She climbs onto it anyhow and gestures for him to join her.

"Shouldn't I get in first?"

She shakes her head, "lay down before I change my mind."

He crawls atop her and tries to make himself comfortable. It isn't particularly hard, Alcina is very pleasant and charmingly soft and kindly warm. He hesitates for a moment before resting his head upon her chest.

He feels her fingers weaving through his hair. "Comfortable?"

"Very." He confirms. He thinks that he is more comfy here than he would be in a bed of his own.

She sighs. The exhale is followed by a brief duration of silence. At last she fills it, “it has been a very long time since I’ve been in pleasant company. And longer still since that company has been a man.”

"We're there any women?" The question comes forward before he can curb it.

"Several of them have warmed my bed. Good girls, they were." She muses.

"What happened to them?"

"Well I used them for my wine, of course."

Ethan cringes and she chuckles as though she has only told a simple little joke. "I was thinking of doing the same to you but your blood was so stale." She continues to stroke his hair.

"Well that's reassuring." He grumbles.

"I suppose that it doesn't matter anymore."

This time it is he who is responsible for the silence. He as he tries to make sense of a woman who doesn't seem to, by her very nature, make any sense at all.

"Why?" He finally musters.

"Why what?"

"Why am I sharing a bed with you again?"

She furrows her brows as though he is the confusing one. As though it is he who has been sending all sorts of conflicting signals.

"It's just that, one minute I'm a stupid manthing and the next I'm a charming gentlemen." He continues. "Do you like or not?"

"You are indeed a stupid manthing and a gentleman. I wish that you would just pick one, preferably the latter of the two."

And she is dodging the more important question. "And if I decided to pick 'stupid manthing' what would you do them."

She makes a sound, perhaps something to indicate both amusement and annoyance at his audacity. "I would…" she trails off. "I suppose that it depends on the extent that your idiocy reaches."

He has to laugh at this, how can he not--it is her quaint prose and relief that she is even considering humoring dumbassery to any extent at all.

"Your antics can be endearing and entertaining sometimes." She confesses. "But they are also terribly annoying."

"So do you like me or not."

With no way to dance around it she falls back into her silence for a very long time before she mumbles, "I'm trying my hardest not to…"

"But you do?"

"I...yes. I think." This mumbling is even softer.

"Care to figure it out for sure?" He asks. Though there any enough room to contact his preferred test, he thinks that something simpler will suffice.

Her hair stroking comes to an abrupt but brief halt. "I suppose that I wouldn't mind."

"Good." He props himself up just enough to kiss the woman's forehead and then her lips, a gentle testing of the waters before he kisses her neck. And when she doesn't bat him away or shove him off of the bed he lays one on her collarbone and then her chest.

He is met with something between a hum and a purr, her fingers tap upon his back. "How was that?"

"It was well enough, Ethan." She replies. "Perhaps we can double check when we find more comfortable lodgings."

[dreamcatcherjiah]

PART 10

💞Tight Hearts (Idol!Hoseok x Reader)

Plot: The red string of fate was visible when our grandparents were children. They would play around, following the strings from one person to their soulmate and laugh happily when these two people inevitably found each other. It was a reason for happiness. But little by little, people stopped seeing the threads. In bad times, it was dangerous, it was a liability, so people stopped seeing them to protect each other from harm. When I was born, nobody saw them anymore, they just felt their soulmate. Anxiety, happiness, sorrow, love, the hearts of the soulmates are one, feel the same things, but it is almost impossible to find your soulmate, now that the threads cannot be seen.

Tight Hearts Masterlist

Part 10

Organising how many cars you would take became easier as this time there were eight people to be taken to Big Hit’s headquarters. Taehyung and Jungkook had shown up in the kitchen while you were on the shower and, just as you were turning the corner into the room, finished cleaning after eating. Apparently, their routine hadn’t changed a bit with you intruding in them. After another awkward round of introductions and some whispered greetings, Namjoon took the lead again and divided everyone into pairs to get into the cars when he got the go from the manager. Hoseok, always thoughtful, had charged your phone thinking that you would like to call in sick and tell everyone you were feeling okay and you hadn’t dropped half dead in the middle of some street… Which you had, but no one needed to know the full, gory details. Smiling, you didn’t think much of it as you rolled into the balls of your feet and pressed a small kiss to the apple of his cheek. Boastful peels of laughter surrounded the both of you as his bandmates witnessed the public display of affection, causing you to blush and hide your face in your hands; getting used to this noisy group of men was going to take some getting used to, more with their new hobby of making every little thing Hoseok or you did into the funniest joke they’d ever heard. Chancing a look at your soulmate, you relaxed seeing how he had taken the loud teasing in a good-natured way and was just hugging a laughing Taehyung to his chest. The environment around these men was refreshing, calming your anxious thoughts and bringing the first real smile that your soulmate hadn’t put in your lips. 

“Will you look at that! She can smile too!” Namjoon teased, throwing an arm around your shoulders and giving you a little shake, “I was starting to think this was going to be awkward once Jin Hyung ran out of jokes to tell you, Y/N. I know they’re bad but you can stop laughing after he drops the punchline, he likes you already!”

“YA!” Screamed the eldest, “she likes my jokes! And,” he added, turning his eyes on you and seeing how you still smiled genuinely at him, “I am not running out. They’re my natural talent, I was born with both my jokes and my handsome face,” he finished taking his hand in a grand gesture to his mouth and throwing a flamboyant air kiss in yours and Namjoon’s general direction. 

Jungkook threw himself at Jin and hung himself from the bigger man like an overgrown koala. The room descended into chaos as both of them play-fought and the rest of the guys either went for their phones to record the mock wrestling match or cheered them on. In the midst of their voices and bodies, Hoseok made his way towards you and took your hand in his. His presence did a good job of getting rid of any residual uneasiness you may have been feeling, the same way yours did away with Hoseok’s nervousness. You realised that part of what you had been feeling came from the man standing slightly behind you; even before the two of you met in person, you had noticed how he’d always put on a brave front, smiling even when his whole body wanted him to collapse and, perhaps without him knowing, he had relapsed into the same old routine: mask what he was feeling behind his happy-go-lucky persona. 

“Hey,” you whispered, keeping an eye out for the other six men in the room, you didn’t need them noticing such a private moment, “relax, whatever they say there, they’re not taking me anywhere,” you noticed as his body relaxed, his shoulders dropping a few inches, as the words registered in his brain, “whatever works for us.”

With a small tilt in the corner of his mouth, his hand tightened around yours and, as the rest of his brothers calmed down and Namjoon gave the last instructions, got closer to you until not only your hands were touching, but your arms as well. You fantasised with allowing your head to rest a while on his shoulder, breathing deeply and calmly so both of you relaxed a bit before facing what felt like a court that would decide on your future. Coming back to reality, you straightened your treacherous neck, which was nearly about to give into your secret wishes, and turning your head in his direction, smiled at how he was already looking at you. His eyes formed crescents, his feet started moving and he took you, hand in hand, to the car. 

Once the car door closed behind you, Hoseok put his arm around you, helping you get comfortable against his chest so that your head rested on his shoulder. Taking a deep breath, you felt as every last cell of your body tuned itself to Hoseok’s and you could finally breath again. His hand settled atop your head, his fingers buried deep, caressing your scalp and following the tresses of your hair to return again with its sweet ministrations.

“Thank you,” whispered Hoseok.

Not wanting to move and disturb the spell surrounding you both, you only hummed and nudged your cheek closer to his collarbone, as a way of asking him what he meant.

“They love you already, Namjoonie is so comfortable around you, even Yoongi Hyung told me while you were in the shower that I had found an excellent one… That’s a lot for him to say after such a short time, you know?” His voice was quiet, almost as if he had realised something and was at peace with it, “you didn’t have to be so accommodating, so trusting, and yet here we are. Just thank you.”

Throwing your arm around his torso, you hugged him as tight as you could and moved your head so that you could see him resting your chin against his collarbone.

“I don’t know what it is, but I feel like I would trust you with my life. No questions asked,” you chuckled darkly. At his raised eyebrow, you explained, “Does it feel like that for you too? Is it as natural for you as it is for me, the fact that I could very easily die to protect you?” After his nod, you laughed and continued talking, “This would drive my parents insane, if they knew.”

“You haven’t told them yet?” He asked, his hand stilling in your head. You could see some of the previous tension sweeping back into him and you hurried to make it disappear again.

“If these feelings of inadequacy I am sensing come from you, please, believe me when I say that it has nothing to do with me not wanting them to meet you. It’s just they’re not the typical parents. They wanted me to be independent since I was very young and now we aren’t really close.”

“But Y/N, not being close and saying that they would go insane if they found out you had a soulmate are two very different things,” he said, frowning. 

You sat up, pouting and looked at him through your eyelashes. He kept eye contact with you, matching your pout and crossing his arms over his chest. Huffing, you sat back and looked ahead while you mulled over what to say to him, what to tell him so that you’d satiate his curiosity.

“You know soulmates are little more than a myth nowadays, right?” You asked, he nodded and raised his eyebrow at you, so you’d continue, “While I was still living with them, my father was very vocal about what his thoughts on the bond were, he would say that us soulmates were mere parasites and that it was all a ploy from the government to rob us of our freedom…”

An indignant little shout reached you at the same time you felt Hoseok jump and turn to face you. His face was hard, set, his lips pouting while his cheeks and ears turned red with agitation. From the moment the topic was brought up, you knew Hoseok wasn’t going to like what you had to say. Everyone, absolutely every person in the world who knew what soulmates were, had an opinion on the matter; good or bad, that usually depended on the case and the personal experiences of every individual but, more often than not, people were VERY vocal about what a pity it was that soulmates were dying out. “With technology as advanced as it is today,” they’d say, “it is just sad that a system to find linked soulmates hasn’t been developed,” with a mellow smile, they would just continue about with their days and forget about the issue altogether. Which you, soulmates, couldn’t do. 

“I do not mean to badmouth your father, but that is such a simplistic thought process,” he said, dropping back against the seats. “To think that we have a choice in the matter is just plain ludicrous, and to imply that the government is trying to control people by making them match with their soulmates just shows how little information there really is about the bond. We aren’t like that, you and I.”

He reached for you, with his eyes closed and a troubled look on his face. You simply gravitated towards him, burying yourself against his puffy jacket, linking your arms around him. He sought comfort in knowing you were there, close to him and not leaving. 

“No, we are not,” you said, tightening your hold on his torso when a wave of worry and apprehension reached you through the bond, “but people don’t really know that. We are the only pair of soulmates I know of, it kinda is uncharted territory.”

“I don’t care how little they know as long as you get to keep me,” Hoseok whispered, so softly you thought you heard him wrong.

The thought made you stop all your musings and actually think about what your soulmate said. You would have expected to say something along the lines of “I can keep you” or “we can stay together”, but the sole thought of you possessing him, Hoseok, your sweet, caring and incredibly famous soulmate, made you feel a huge lump in your throat. 

“If I get to keep you?” You asked, looking up at him and finding him already looking at you.

“I can feel your uneasiness, maybe that was way over the line…” his insecurities were rolling off of him in waves, so strong it nearly gave you whiplash. Seeing how you weren’t answering, he swallowed and continued, “you know how our life is, you’re a fan. We… don’t get to… be normal. We don’t get to go on dates, enjoy the whole “get to know you”, mainly because we never have time. And I know that’s what we wanted but this place we’re in is very lonely. When my grandmother used to tell me about soulmates she would always say how she wholly belonged to my grandfather. As a child that didn’t make much sense, but lately, when my body hurt and I felt how miserable we both were… I just wanted to be yours, to have someone that didn’t always expect me to be okay and would just allow me to be… theirs…”

Somewhere between him saying how lonely he was and telling you he was yours, you had started silently crying, big tears leaving your eyes and staining his jacket. His thumbs suddenly cleaned them off your cheeks, carefully and sweetly, transmitting an incredibly warm feeling that surrounded you both, letting you know without words how sorry he was for making you cry, for overstepping the line he had set himself as his limit. 

“I am so sorry for making you sad,” he whispered, leaving a small kiss between your eyebrows.

“So sweet but so clueless,” you hiccuped. At his pout, you chuckled and threw his arms around his neck. Once your face was hidden safely against his shoulder you told him; “I am so sorry you were feeling lonely. And you don’t have to say sorry for telling me how you feel, ever. I was just taken aback, I would have never imagined you’d want to belong to someone you just met…”

“You don’t have to say anything, I am sorry I sprung this on you,” you tightened your hold on his neck, almost chocking him and making him stop.

“I told you we’re in this together, I’ll have you if you’ll have me. That’s my condition,” his arms finally sneaked around your waist and fused your bodies together, ending with any guilt or inadequacy you may have felt.

“Thank you,” he whispered, nesting his face between your neck and your shoulder.

The rest of the trip to BigHit Headquarters passed in either companionable silence or bursts of laughter, which made time fly and, before you knew it, the cars were entering the company’s underground parking lot.

Your car’s door flew open and the maknae line piled inside, looking frantic only to leave the car as soon as they entered.

“They’re alive and decent, Hyung! We’re good to go!” Screamed Taehyung, his black hair hiding his eyebrows and drawing even more attention to his radiant square smile when he turned to continue teasing Hoseok.

As everyone left their cars and walked towards the elevators, manager Sejin hung back to give you a small plastic card with your name on it. He told you that one was provisional, you’d have to give him a recent picture and your full name so he could make one for you. He put a hand on your shoulder telling you to relax and kept walking, leaving you, Hoseok and the rest of BTS alone to ride the elevators to the CEO’s office. The rest of the managers rode together in a different elevator, leaving the eight of you alone. If someone wanted to comment on how Hoseok and you seemed to be joined at the hip, or how neither of you seemed willing to let go of each other’s hands, no one said a word. 

“We are going to be there with you both the whole time,” said Seokjin, giving you a sweet smile, “if you hear something you don’t like or don’t agree with, don’t be afraid to speak up. We’ll all back you up.”

“But,” you doubted, until Hoseok tightened his hold on your hand to let you know it was okay, “won’t you get in trouble with the company?”

Jin huffed and looked at you as if you were the most innocent person in the world.

“I…” he started.

“DON’T FOLLOW WHAT THE AGENCY SAYS,” completed the rest of the men, as if they were so used to hearing that same sentence that they couldn’t help completing it themselves.

It served you all to relief the tension as you all dissolved into peals of laughter and you let yourself rest against Hobi’s body. His warmth was a balm for your nerves and, as the door opened to ease you all into the big hall, you felt so much more supported than you had ever felt in your life. These seven tall men, would have your back.

Nocking on the light wooden door and being allowed in, you followed Namjoon and Hoseok and found yourself face to face with a small, smiling woman who wrapped her arms around your shoulders. After a few seconds you realised the woman was Hoseok’s mother, his father and sister standing a bit behind the woman hugging you, next to a bigger man that can’t be any other than Bang PDnim. They smiled at you and Hoseok’s father neared him to give him a light slap on the shoulder.

“Welcome,” said the CEO to all standing, “I thought we’d be more comfortable sitting on the sofas, I prepared some light sweets in case you haven’t had any breakfast,” he focused now on you and smiled. “It’s so nice to meet finally meet you, Y/N. I was so sorry not to meet you yesterday, but I thought it would be better to let you rest. Please sit down and we’ll talk for a bit, then you’ll go with the boys so they show you around and practice for an hour or two. Is that alright?” He asked the rest of the room. When he got a positive answer out of them, he stirred them in the direction of a set of comfortable looking couches at the side of the room.

Hoseok’s mother sat next to you, leaving the other side free so Hoseok could sit next to you, placing your joined hands on his thigh.

“Y/N dear, how did you sleep, you look so refreshed, your cheeks look so lovely blushed!” You laughed and thank the woman, “call me Eomoni, dear”, you wouldn’t tell her your cheeks looked red because her son and you had had a heart to heart in the car, as it seemed was your thing these days, and you had cried your eyes out. 

“These two couldn’t stay more than a couple feet apart, eomoni,” said Jimin, “so I offered them my bed so they could keep their distance.”

“Yeah, ‘cause yesterday they would go ‘woohoo’ if they touched,” laughed Jungkook, around a mouthful of banana cake.

Remembering the terrible bumbling messes the both of you became the prior day, your whole face turned beet red and you hid your face against Hoseok’s shoulder.

“As you can see,” added Yoongi, “they don’t start drooling when they touch anymore.”

Another fit of laughter raised from the group and your soulmate’s hand caressed the crown of your head as his body shook in silent laughter.

Bang PDnim took control of the ruckus and got all eyes focused on him again.

“First of all I want to welcome you again to the family, Y/N. We are here for you in any capacity, to help and support both you and Hoseok, but you are free to look for outside consultants if you want to for any legal matter. The only thing we ask of you is to sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement that you will write with Hoseok and your lawyer, then we will look it over and sign as well,” he waited to see if you had any objection and seeing you didn’t, he continued, “For the time being, we would like you both to visit a doctor so you will be able to go about your everyday life once the bond allows you to be apart…”

“NO!” You shouted, putting yourself between Hoseok and the older man, without thinking. Silence reigned in the room after your outburst, “You’re not going to take him from me, are you? Please, I’ll do anything.”

So focused on Bang PDnim you were that you didn’t see the softening glances of the people around the room, how Namjoon looked down and smiled, letting his dimples show, how Hoseok’s sister smiled at their father and how Jimin and Tae laughed silently. Hoseok was looking at you as if it was his first time seeing you, his eyes never deviating from the little portion of your face he could see and nearly not daring to breath.

“No one is tearing you two apart, Y/N. Our top priority is the wellbeing of the boys and, even if we didn’t care about you, which we do, we would never do something that could make them unhappy,” said the older man, allowing your lungs to release the air they were holding. You relaxed against Hoseok, finally dropping your head on his shoulder. The room then broke into soft conversations, Bang PDnim talking to Hoseok’s parents, the boys unknowingly giving you guys your space. Since you were looking out of a huge window to the side, you didn’t see the look in Hoseok’s eyes as he held you closer to him and kissed the crown of your head.

 Tag list: @obsessoverthesmallthings247 @threedecadesofawkward @mabel-k3 @tremendousminyoongi @justignoremepleaz @demonic-meatball @hadaises @littlestsweetpea28 @rjsmochii @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d @gali-005 @salty-for-suga @indicisive-af @nomimits7 @lysjeon @raisatarannum1234 @purplelady85 @threedecadesofawkward @valentynxmgc @acopenhagenarmy @ephyra1230 @minluvly @trashandshook @brinascorpio @trixiethebear @hobi-love @geekgirl41402​ @annywaa​

[flameo-firelord-hotman]

Flames & Feelings — Zuko x GN!Reader

Genre: fluff

Warnings: none

Words: 1.6k

Summary: Zuko struggles to control his firebending whenever you’re around.

A/N: the idea for this came from the very first episode of ATLA, when Katara's frustration at Sokka caused the ice around her to crack. Emotions play a part in bending, but we really only saw anger in the show. What about love? Also, apologies in advance, I am so bad at figuring out how to end my fics 😅

Masterlist

Skich. Skich. Skich.

After finding those spark rocks in the market, Sokka insisted that he use them to start the campfire. Unfortunately, he was having no luck. He scraped and scratched them together, but the sparks they produced were pathetic.

Zuko sighed and dropped his head. Watching the non-bender try to do something that he could do instantly was aggravating. “Sokka, just let me—”

“No, no, I can do this!”

Everyone let out a groan.

“What’s all the fuss?” You asked, walking over to the group.

Skich. Fwoom!

“See, I told you guys I could do it! Now look who’s the firebender,” Sokka said proudly. Indeed, small flames had erupted from the wood pile.

“It’s about time! I can finally start cooking dinner,” Katara grumbled, not holding back her frustration. “Somebody hide those spark rocks from him, so he doesn’t do this again!”

“No! I bought them, they’re mine!” Sokka cried as he clutched the rocks to his chest. You giggled and shook your head at them, taking a seat next to Zuko.

As the water tribe siblings continued to bicker, Zuko tried to relax himself. That fire wasn’t started by Sokka; it was him. Whenever you were around, he seemed to lose control of his firebending.

He couldn’t help it; he really liked you. You were kind, funny, smart, strong, beautiful, and the list went on. Being with you made him excited. It also made him nervous.

What if [y/n] doesn’t like me back?

Zuko was all too familiar with rejection—his father banished him, his mother abandoned him, his sister hated him, and he was sure his uncle did too—but still, he was deeply afraid of it. At 16 years old, he finally started to make real friends. There was absolutely no way Zuko would risk ruining the friendship he so treasured with you.

And so, he kept his crush a secret...

...but his firebending did not.

Zuko didn’t know how long this problem had persisted for, but it had to have been a while. The first time he noticed it was when you stopped by to watch him practice firebending. Feeling pressured to impress you, he lost control of his flames and almost lit a nearby bush on fire.

Another time, Zuko was meditating in his tent. He always lit candles when doing so to help him focus. Hearing that sweet, bubbly laughter of yours outside made his heart skip a beat, causing the thin flames to rapidly grow taller. Fortunately, he caught them in time before his tent set on fire.

And now, just sitting next to you at the campfire made him anxious, which caused the flames to reach a little higher, making him more anxious, which made the issue worse. It was like he was trapped in a continuous cycle of anxiety. The only thing we could do was slow his breathing, steady his heart rate and calm his mind, while hoping no one would notice.

“Zuko?...Zuuuuko?”

“Huh?” Zuko snapped out of his thoughts.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Okay...well I was just asking you how your day was.”

“Oh. Uh, also fine.”

As much as he wanted to talk to you, Zuko knew he couldn’t. Talking would make his situation worse. So he gave you short responses and hoped you would get the hint. However, that only made you worried about him.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem, I don’t know, distant lately,” you said with concern.

“Yeah, just fine,” he gave you a smile. It was suspiciously fake.

You huffed. You knew something was up—it was so obvious—and it was frustrating that Zuko wouldn’t admit it. For now, you let it go. It was time to eat dinner anyway.

After a nice, hearty meal of soup, it was time to go to sleep. The sun had set long ago. Story telling, jokes and witty banter had been replaced by mather nature’s ambiance; crickets chirped and the campfire crackled. Everyone was tired.

Aang yawned, “I think it’s time to sleep.”

“Agreed. Last one to bed, don’t forget to put out the fire!” Sokka said as he got up to leave.

One by one, the Gaang members said their “good nights” and withdrew to their tents. Then, it was just you and Zuko.

“We should get to bed too. I’ll put out the fire.” He stood to leave, but you grabbed his sleeve.

“Wait. Can we talk for a second?”

Oh no. The fire grew a little. What does [y/n] want to talk about? Do they know I like them? Do they know I can’t control my firebending? Or is it something else? Are they mad at me?

Zuko hesitantly sat back down. “Uh, sure. What’s up?”

You turned to face him. “Can you please tell me what’s wrong?” You asked sincerely. Now that everyone else was gone, maybe Zuko would feel more open to talk about it.

Unfortunately for him, that wasn’t the case. Zuko couldn’t find the courage to tell you about his feelings. Instead, he racked his mind, trying to find a way out of this conversation without being too weird. Meanwhile, the flames of the campfire flicked and danced wildly.

“I-I don’t know,” he replied bashfully.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I, uh, can’t tell you,” he stammered.

“What? Why?”

The campfire cracked and popped loudly. Not only was it becoming bigger, it was becoming hotter too. Zuko bit his lip trying to think of a good response. He had never been this nervous before.

“Because, umm,” he trailed off.

You leaned forward slightly, raising an eyebrow. “Because...?”

Now you noticed yourself feeling much warmer than before. Something big and bright caught the corner of your eye. When you turned to look at it, a gasp escaped your mouth.

“Zuko! The fire!” You cried as you backed away from it.

All the tension Zuko had built up inside turned the previously small campfire into one that was the size of a bonfire. Bigger, taller, hotter and brighter, it was out of control.

You grabbed a small bucket of water near you and splashed it on the fire. It wasn’t enough to put it out and barely did a thing.

“Zuko, do something! Put it out!” You hissed, trying not to wake up the rest of the team.

“I’m trying!” Zuko waved his arms trying to diminish the flames. He already had a hard time taming them when he was just sitting with you. Now that you were freaking out, he was really struggling. You ran to Katara’s tent to get help.

“Katara! Wake up!” You shook her body.

“Huh? What’s going on?” She said, wiping her eyes.

“Fire! Campfire! Out of control! Zuko can’t stop it!” You rambled while gesturing wildly with your hands.

Katara grabbed her waterskin and rushed out of her tent. With the wave of her arms, she guided her water to the fire and put it out within seconds. Smoke arose from the sizzling, burnt firewood.

“Phew, thanks, Katara,” you said with relief.

“Yeah, you’re welcome.” She turned to Zuko and pointed at finger to his chest. “Next time you want to impress someone, why don’t you just give them flowers instead of firebending and burning down the whole campsite?” She scolded.

Zuko’s eyes widened in shock. How does she know I like [y/n]?!

“What? No! That’s wasn’t what I was doing!” Zuko said, pleading innocence. Katara pursed her lips and shook her head as she returned to her tent.

“Good night, you two,” she said cheekily before slipping inside.

You turned to face Zuko, jaw slacked. You were shocked and confused by everything that just happened. He whipped the swear off his brow and took a deep breath.

“I think I’m ready to tell you what’s wrong now.”

You gave Zuko a puzzled look. Now you were even more confused. Nevertheless, you sat down next to him, because you were glad that he would finally open up to you about it.

“This is going to sound weird, but I can’t control my firebending when I’m around you,” Zuko confessed.

“What? Why? Did something happen?” He shook his head.

Zuko’s inability to bend properly reminded you of when he lost his firebending in the air temple. It was because he was previously taught to fuel it with anger. If firebending can be fueled with anger, you wondered if Zuko was unable to control it now because he was upset with you.

“Did I do something?” You asked worriedly.

“Mmm-mm,” he shook his head again. “No, actually, you’ve done nothing at all,” he chuckled a little.

“I don’t understand. You’re not mad at me, are you?”

“No, I’m not. It’s the opposite actually. I like being with you, but I get so nervous, because...well, I don’t think you like me.” Heat pooled in Zuko’s cheeks. He looked away so you wouldn’t see it.

“Why would you think that? Of course I like you, Zuko,” you assured, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He sighed. “I meant as more than a friend.”

“You do?” You asked in disbelief, blushing.

“Yeah,” Zuko mumbled quietly.

“I like you too,” Zuko turned to you with raised brows before you continued, “as more than a friend.”

“Really?” Now it was his turn to be surprised.

“Yes, really.”

You smiled, and Zuko smiled back. He brought a hand up to your face and gently cupped your cheek, rubbing his thumb back and forth. Your eyes locked with his, and, for a second, you saw him glance at your lips. You knew what he was thinking. Slowly, you leaned forward, and he did too, until the gap was closed. His lips were soft and warm. You melted right into him.

When the two of you separated, you nuzzled your head in the crook of his warm neck. His arms wrapped around you to bring you closer. Instead of heading off to bed like everyone else, you both silently agreed to stay up just a little bit longer. And just like that, all the butterflies in Zuko's stomach flew away. He would no longer have any trouble controlling his bending.

[tooruluv]

Tooru Oikawa x F!Reader ( part 1 )

❝ my love for him is much like winter, a skeleton for the world to see. too bad he never liked the cold. ❞

description: being the neighbor and lifelong best friend of tooru oikawa definitely had it’s perks. you were never an outcast, always had a seat at lunch, got into volleyball games for free. the problem was, however, that being in love with him outweighed those perks. you would never tell him that, though, even if it hurt like hell.

genre: best friends to lovers, angst, unrequited love, fluff if you squint hard enough

word count: 2,106

warnings/notes: strong language, lots of angst, i based a lot of the experience on american high school simply because it’s easier for me to write except 3rd year is like “senior year” and entrance exams

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Knowing Tooru Oikawa the entirety of your life had its pros. You were never an outcast, always invited to social events, and you got into all of the volleyball games for free. Being his best friend also led you to be friends with the rest of the team, you had a permanent spot at the lunch table and a locker next to his. Being his next door neighbor and family friend also included awesome parties, Saturday movie nights, and constant “family get-togethers”, which meant eating barbeque at one of the houses and hiding out in one of the bedrooms while your parents talked about whatever parents talk about.

The problem was, however, that being in love with Tooru Oikawa had its cons. When he would casually put his arm around your shoulder, it would send a shiver down your spine. Or when he would bend down at the waist for you to fix his tie, and you were just a tad too close, it would be on your mind for the rest of the day. Friendly mannerisms would send you into a spiral.

He didn’t know that, though. And you didn’t plan on telling him anytime soon. How would that conversation go anyway? “Hey, ‘Kawa, I wanted to let you know that I’m deeply in love with you and I have been since we were 13, maybe even longer than that. Oh! Good luck on today’s game, though!”. Yeah, fuck that.

“Are you even paying attention, nut?” Oikawa interrupted your internal monologue.

It was way past sundown, and you were in the gym with him as he practiced his serving (even though his serves were already perfect and could probably put a hole in your head if you were on the other side). You were on the floor, scrolling mindlessly through your phone. You hadn’t even noticed he had stopped serving and was now standing in front of you in all his sweaty glory.

“What?” you asked as you looked up at him. You swear his dick was literally at eye level in those fucking grey sweatpants. Don’t look, you freak.

“I asked if you were ready to go, but apparently your phone is more important than I am…” Oikawa sighed, acting as though you just stabbed him in the heart.

“Shut the fuck up.” you stood up, following him to the door. “Like anything would be more important than you.”

He chuckles, wrapping his arm around your shoulder (as he usually does, but it makes you smile anyway). “I would sure hope not, because you’re the most important thing to me.”

It was things like that, the little things he said, that gave you hope. That maybe he felt the same way about you. Or at least gave you hope that one day, the two of you could possibly be more than… this.

This being your stupid unrequited love to the man.

“More important than volleyball?” you jokingly asked, bumping him with your waist. 

“Don’t push your luck.” He pushed you back. His arm didn’t leave your shoulder.

You both laughed as you walked home together under the moon.

Tooru Oikawa always got nervous before games. It never made any sense to you, especially when he would always act as though he wasn’t nervous at all. He would come to school, smiling and waving at everyone, as though he already knew they would win. Which was the case more often than not.

You could always see through it, though.

“Your hands are shaking.” you told him as he opened his locker beside you. He sent you a glare. “It isn’t even a big game, I don’t know why you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared.”

“Nervous, then? Anxious?”

He was silent for a moment. “No.”

Another thing that you knew about Oikawa was that he would never simply agree to being anything other than excited. “Scared”, “worried”, those types of words weren’t in his vocabulary. So, instead of pressing on, you simply reached over to fix his stupid fucking tie that he always messed with. (“It chokes me” he would always say, even if it very obviously was loose).

His face was close to yours as you fixed his tie (you did have to yank him down so you could properly tighten it). You could feel his breath on your face, the smell of mint heavy in the air. God, don’t look at his lips.

“You guys will do amazing today.” you told him as you secured his collar. “Besides, it’s a home game. No one is going to beat us on our own court.”

“You’re the best, seriously.” Oikawa said, standing up and placing a hand on your head. “How did I ever get so lucky?”

“No idea. I guess opposites attract.”

He laughed, playfully pushing your head away from him. You laughed too, going to push him back; but he was too fast and dodged your attack. 

“Hey don’t use all your energy deflecting me, ‘Kawa.” you called. He was already down the hallway, “Save your energy for the game!”

He turned around to stick his tongue out at you.

Oikawa always let you wear his jersey to games, and he always purposely made sure to make eye contact with you before the game began. You always loved going to volleyball games, if not for the free entry (see: Perks of Being the Team Captain’s Best Friend), but the fact you got to gawk at and cheer for Oikawa without it being weird.

His eyes found you in the crowd, lighting up when they caught yours. You waved at him and pointed to your jersey (his jersey). He smiled, giving you a thumbs up. A girl in front you thought it was for her, and screamed. You cringed.

The game was an easy one, a quick win in your opinion. The team thanked everyone for coming, shining in victory. Girls rushed down to talk to them. You simply gave a silent wave to them before leaving.

You would see them later, anyway.

Hajime Iwaizumi knew. He wasn’t an idiot, so of course he knew. He’s been around since the three of you were little. He always caught the small glances you would give his best friend, that look in your eyes. He also was a witness to how Oikawa never looked at you the same way. Maybe Tooru was oblivious, or just so stupid it was ridiculous. Anyone in their right mind could see how in love with him you were, and have been.

You think that’s why you and Iwaizumi became close.

“I know.” he had told you after the game. He was still kind of sweaty, in uniform with his bag hanging over his shoulder. He handed you a juice box.

You always met the boys outside of the locker room, where they would come out after saying goodbye and cleaning up. It was a routine, yet this was the first time he came out out early.

Confused, you looked up at him. “You know… what?” You focused your stare on the juice in your hand.

“He’s an idiot, you know. Shittykawa. For not knowing.” He ignored your question. You could basically hear your heartbeat.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes you do.” Iwaizumi adjusted his bag, though not because he was uncomfortable. “Listen, I’m not going to force you to admit it or anything. That isn’t why I’m telling you. I’m telling you that I know so you have someone to talk to. I might be his best friend but I’m yours too.”

It was silent for a moment. You weren’t shaking, weren’t mad or upset that he knew.

“You won’t… tell him?” you finally asked.

He nearly jumped back at your question. He would never. “That isn’t my business to tell. It’s yours.”

You let yourself smile. “You might be my new favorite, Iwa.”

“New favorite?” A voice interrupted. Ah yes, the man in question. “But.. I thought that I was the favorite…”

He hadn’t heard anything but the last part, thank everything and everyone. You wrapped your arm around Iwaizumi’s waist, jokingly bringing him closer. You heard him chuckle.

“I don’t know, ‘Kawa, I think Iwa is my favorite now. He always brings me juice boxes after the games.”

“Maybe she’s my favorite now too, Crappykawa.”

Oikawa pouts. “I can bring you juice!”

“Ah, get over it, you’ve been replaced.” Iwaizumi turned the both of you around, your arm still around his waist.

“Wait! This isn’t fair!” He called as he rushed to walk at your side.

The three of you joked like that for the rest of the walk home. But you all knew that’s what it was: a playful joke. You needed support, and Iwaizumi decided to be that support. Even if it meant watching you basically scream for Oikawa to love you back in silence.

“Movie night!!” Oikawa exclaimed. He had a bowl of popcorn in one hand, a pillow in the other, and his glasses framing his face. “Your pick, what movie are we watching today?”

You held up the horror film you decided on. His smile dropped.

“You’re an ass, you know I hate scary movies. They freak me out.”

“Good thing you have a big strong girl to keep you safe.” You joked. He threw a piece of popcorn at you.

That night, he fell asleep on your lap. Halfway through the movie, after nearly an hour of both of you cooped together under an old blanket, he had fallen into you. Asleep. Then, after another half an hour of you silently panicking, he stretched and placed his head in your lap to get more comfortable. Still asleep, of course.

You didn’t stop yourself when you started playing with his hair.

Tooru Oikawa had stayed the night at your house countless times as you grew up. It was not an uncommon occurrence for him to show up in the dead of night just to sleep over, even if he has an older brother and little sister that he could easily have a sleepover with. You never complained.

This was one of those nights.

It was late one night, the sun long gone and the moon hanging high in the sky. You were still up at that ungodly hour, trying your best to fall asleep. That was, until there was a loud knocking on your front door.

Your parents happened to be gone on a short business trip together in some european country, leaving you alone for the week. The knocking scared the shit out of you. 

Groggily, you walked down the stairs to the door. The knocking only got louder and faster.

You peeped through the hole first, seeing the boy on the other side before swinging the door open.

“You better have a good fucking explanation as to why you’re here in the middle of the night, scaring the shit out of me nonetheless.”

Oikawa walked in, blue pajamas and glasses instead of contacts, looking beautiful even with bedhead. You closed the door behind him.

“I slept with this girl and she will not leave until morning. I tried kicking her out multiple times. Please let me stay here for the night. I just want to sleep.”

You scoffed, but led him to your room anyway. You want to blame it on those damn puppy dog eyes that you can’t help but fall for. But you knew that the only reason you agreed was because Oikawa’s cuddles were the best cuddles.

The routine came naturally. You climbed into your bed first. He climbed in shortly after, placing his glasses on your nightstand as he did.

As he pulled the blankets up and wrapped his arm around your middle, you tried not to think about the fact he had just had his dick inside of someone else. Instead you thought of how warm he felt behind you.

“I think I’m just a stupid idiot.” you complained. “None of this makes any sense and I’m going to fail my entrance exams and I’m going to die alone and stupid and I won’t be able to do anything in life because I’ll be working in fast food.”

“Slow down.” Iwaizumi chuckled, flicking you on the forehead. “It’s just a math equation. You’re definitely not a stupid idiot.”

You gave him a look.

“Yeah okay, maybe an idiot. But not a stupid one.” He paused, looking up from your paper. “Watch your back. The love of your life is coming. He’s coming closer. Oh shoot, don’t blush, but he’s almost here.”

You threw your pen at his face and he laughed. Almost immediately, Oikawa’s body plopped next to you. He messed up your hair as he did.

“You guys would not believe how many girls are asking about my party this weekend.” he said as he searched his bag for a pen. “I would not be surprised if the whole fucking school showed up, haha.”

“Party?”

“Oh shit, I didn’t tell you?” he looked at you. “I’m so sorry, nut. It must’ve slipped my mind. Yeah, I’m throwing a party after we win our tournament on Saturday. Parents are gone, and my brother is taking my sister to some water park over the weekend. You have to be there.”

“Like I would be anywhere else.”

You and Iwaizumi shared a look. It was weird that Oikawa hadn’t told you, and that the entire female student body had known before you. That had never happened before. Not that it mattered. No.