#they keep enabling me with fic ideas to the point i decided to actually keep a list

[werewolfsmile]

Not me over here just casually coming up with a dark fic idea aka The Worst Thing Eliot Ever Did (For Damien Moreau). I know there are heaps of theories out there already. But this idea ... I am probably gonna end up writing it one day.

Yes it's dark. Yes it involves kids. Yes it will hurt. A lot.

I have no regrets.

[goamu-blog]

Want to say I wanted to like SJ and YQY as a ship, I tried to like them as a ship, I read fics and saw arts but it just didn't work for me because I can't get their canon selves out of my mind, which is a first for me when it comes to shipping. These are my thoughts on them and from talks I had in a fic comment section with the author.

Firstly, their innate personalities would not match well together in a romantic sense. YQY is much too passive in regards to SJ. Its because of their brotherly bonds that YQY is so passive towards SJ and would not make a good match for SJ.

It feels like YQY wouldn't be able to handle SJ. Especially SJ more conniving sides. YQY would tolerate but still disapprove of some of SJ's personality sides. The books show that SJ tried to reach out to YQY, but because of broken promises and their brotherly bonds, YQY always took on a passive stance and is not suited to be with SJ in a romantic sense.

There is no reciprocation in their acts. SJ tried to reach out many times, YQY does not, YQY never tried to reach out to SJ in any way that mattered, so they never had reciprocation.

Not saying YQY wouldn't have his own issues with his past, but YQY always cared more about keeping his secrets and wallowing in self-pity and guilt than he did about SJ. He is mainly responsible for SJ turning out the way he did. If YQY didn't want to tell SJ the truth, fine, but he should have told SJ the way he treated some of his disciples was unacceptable and not allowed it to continue. If YQY did the bare minimum, then SJ story wouldn't have turned out the way it did. YQY is a toxic enabler and wilfully ignorant.

He completely enabled SJ'sworst tendencies, which made SJ go down the route he did. YQY is willing to let SJ go and allow him to drown in his own loneliness, resentment, and despair. YQY would watch, allow it to continue, and do nothing.

YQY had to have an idea of what SJ went through and even then he told SJ to adjust himself for other when they were disciples, to try to get along with the other disciples when none of them tried to reach out to SJ and spread rumors about him. It was always SJ that was the problem and needed to conform to fit in, never anyone else.

YQY never openly defended SJ from all those rumors or anyone else in the sect. When others asked YQY why he treated SJ nicely and why he would want SJ memories to return when SY took over, all he did was vaguely smile.

YQY never tried to openly defend SJ or try to restore SJ memories. YQY, like everyone else, preferred SY over SJ. To me, YQY affection/trust for SJ seems a bit surface level, I think he mostly felt obligation and guilt. He also doubted SJ innocence when LQG died. It doesn't matter if YQY would have tried to help SJ, he still doubted SJ and believed SJ could do that.

YQY actions when it comes to SJ aren't proactive. They are always a belated reaction. Only asking/acting when it's the point of no return. In the water prison(he let SJ be taken there), he asked about LQG, and he asked if things would have been different if SJ treated LBH better (it was YQY that allowed SJ to treat LBH that way). SJ knew that it was pointless to question those things because it was already too late.

YQY only decided to act when SJ legs got torn off. When SJ was literally being torn apart, then YQY decided that was a good enough reason to act. When it was far too late and irrevocable damage had been done. Didn't forget about the red string.

Had a talk about that in a fic comment section and liked the authors thoughts on it, will quote them: "The red string thing is funny because it broke in the end, and if as everyone says, the bleeding in PIDW extra shows that their 'fate is broken so it must be the hint for their red string', then the red string broke because of LBH(og), then wouldn't it actually mean YQY and SJ's so-called 'red string' was meant to be broken, because SJ was (as og villain) destined to encounter LBH. If the og story as meant by Airplane-bro was supposed to be 'as it was fixed by Shen Yuan', then the so-called red string was not meant to last. It was meant to be broken, because YQY is ultimately a passer-by in SJ's life. Very influential presence, but a passer-by nonetheless. Comrades, brothers, each other's support in the toughest times of their lives even, but never romantic." : end quote.

In a relationship, YQY would not take initiative and would be spineless, never stand up to SJ. He would let SJ self-destruct, drown in resentment, and self-hatred. YQY is too passive in regards to SJ, and there is no reciprocation on YQY side. YQY wouldn't openly defend or speak up for SJ against others and their rumors. YQY would never act until irrevocable damage has already been done.

Even if they cleared up the misunderstanding between them, they still would not be suited for a romantic relationship because of their innate personalities. YQY would always be passive, and SJ needs someone more challenging and passionate and has a personality that can match his.

To me, them being together feels like settling. They would have a passionless/lukewarm relationship, neither of them would have fun in it or enhance their lives. I don't feel like there could be a romantic spark/chemistry between them. It feels like a tepid relationship.

I think the best relationship between SJ/YQY is a brotherly one. With SJ being a grumpy lil bro to YQY doting older bro. SJ telling YQY not to be reckless, YQY wanting SJ to have friends, being proud when SJ gets along with others.

So, yeah, those are my thoughts on SJ/YQY. Not trying to hate on that ship or anyone that ships them, and I hope it didn't come across that way.

This is the first time I had a strong no for a ship and not just a casual no, and I wanted to get my thoughts in ordering as to why.

Not that a reason is needed to not like a ship, but this one is different for me. Also, I'm a bit sad that SJ/YQY is the most popular Shen Jiu pairing when LBH is right there. BingJiu gets so much hate when SJ and LBH have inherent compatibility in their personalities that makes them a great match.

When developed properly, they(BingJiu) can have a beautiful relationship. As for YQY, read a fic that made me think YQY and LQG would be good for each other, and they are just a side pair in a BingJiu fic.

Want to be clear that I'm not hateing on SJ/YQY or anyone who ships them, apologies if it came across that way. These are just my opinions, and I'm a little disappointed that I don't like them as a ship. Because it feels like a ship I should have liked, but because of how my brain interpret them, I can't enjoy them as a ship.

Its disappointing because there are a lot of great fanworks for them that are out of my reach. Anyways, I'll stay in my Shen Jiu/Luo Binghe corner. Its small, but finding happy BingJiu fanworks is the best.

[sailforvalinor]

📔

Since last year, I’ve had an idea for a Harry Potter fic rattling around in my head prompted by the realization that Lily’s death is necessary for the love-magic-protection that enables Harry to survive both killing curses, but James’s isn’t—what does the world look like if James Potter somehow survives? I came to the conclusion that because the protection spell that Dumbledore originally uses to protect Harry until he comes of age applies to those of Lily’s blood, he would still want him to live with the Dursley’s, and thus Dumbledore decides that the best course of action is for 21 year old, traumatized, newly-widowed James to fake his death. It’s safest for Harry, the Death Eaters already think he’s dead, and it’s really useful for Dumbledore to have a piece on the chessboard that both the Death Eaters and the Ministry don’t know about. James isn’t thrilled about this, but he’s too distraught (and too used to Dumbledore being right about everything) to argue. He’s really only a few years out of school, after all.

I know I had worked out all the logical kinks on this one at some point but I don’t really remember now—but the fic would involve James working as a sort of secret agent for Dumbledore, a wild card, if you will, while keeping an eye on Harry from afar. This James would be a little different than the one we’re familiar with—a bit more mature and serious, and of course absolutely wracked with guilt. He hardly resembles who he used to be after losing Lily, and he’s pretty dang desperate not to make any more mistakes, lose anyone else.

Snape of course is one of the only other people who would know James was alive, and the bad blood between them is as terrible as ever, as Snape would blame him for “letting” Lily get killed. (As if James doesn’t blame himself enough.)

Sirius would also know, as he was the first one to Godric’s Hollow after the attack and would have found James, but that doesn’t do much good after he’s arrested. The only way I can think to workaround the fact that Dumbledore would know Sirius was innocent if he had talked to James is if James was so seriously incapacitated after the attack on Godric’s Hollow (don’t ask how I don’t know. WAIT MAYBE IN THIS VERSION VOLDEMORT ENCOUNTERS LILY FIRST AND HER LOVE MAGIC EXTENDS TO BOTH HARRY AND JAMES??? OH MY GOSH???) that the “trial” occurs before James is lucid enough to talk and Dumbledore gives evidence against Sirius because he assumes he’s the Secret Keeper.

Other than fulfilling Dumbledore’s wishes and keeping an eye on Harry, James spends a lot of his time trying to figure out how to break Sirius out of Azkaban. Maybe he succeeds earlier than in the original series? He also is trying to hunt down Peter, of course—probably spots him in the newspaper like Sirius does. Or maybe he sees him with Ron while watching Harry?

Does Remus know that James is alive? I’m gonna say yes, but Dumbledore doesn’t know that. It makes no sense for him not to, he’s the only friend he has left.

I figure by Prisoner of Azkaban, James has had enough of Dumbledore’s nonsense and reveals himself to Harry—it would be pretty dang poetic if it’s during the first patronus scene, and it IS actually him casting it from across the lake. How would Harry react to finding out he’s been alive this whole time? Idk, it would be complicated, but man I’m getting emotional just thinking about it.

Also, while it does make sense that Dumbledore wouldn’t want James to use his original wand, I know it makes the most sense for James to have acquired a spare one somewhere—but the concept of James Potter with a Glock hit me over the head with a broom, and I’d love to somehow finagle it into making sense because can you imagine? Someone in the HP universe with a gun?? The comedic potential???

A dementor: *appears*

Harry and Sirius: “EXPECTO—“

James: *shoots it in the face*

[shslskaterboy]

Hey bestie tell me more about that phantom theives band au👀

(^is enabling again)

Oh my god Al. My best friend Al. I have so many thoughts this is gonna be such an essay I hope you’re Fuckin ready

No seriously this got so long it's basically the bones of a fic, but uh, I'm kind obsessed with it so here we are

First of all, it’s an aged up non-metaverse au, so everyone is like 23~ give or take. Akira, Ann, Yusuke, Haru, Makoto and human Morgana all met in university, Ryuji is childhood friends with Ann, and Futaba met the rest of them through her adoptive brother Akira, and Akechi is the ex-boyfriend that no one ever talks about.

The band consists of singer/front man Akira who does the song writing. He was one of those child prodigy musicians who primarily played piano and violin, but taught himself guitar despite his parents aversion to his favourite genre (which is emo-punk bc it’s not a true James hc without some MCR influence.) The first beginnings of the band were him and Futaba as teenagers since she also played the keyboard, but the Phantoms would not be a realized dream until he met the rest of them in uni.

He meets Morgana and Ann first, the former who can play guitar, and the latter who knows absolutely everyone. When Akira floats the idea of wanting to form a band, Ann is more than happy to rally up her friends Makoto, Haru, and Mishima to fill the spots of bass, second guitar, and drums. Things actually come together very well at first, they start simple with practices and small shows at Crossroads (Akira works nights there and Lala-chan is very supportive of his endeavours) and eventually they start to be able to handle more complex songs. Haru becomes truly incredible at absolutely shredding, Makoto is the pinnacle of sexy bass-player coolness, and Akira is more confident than ever in his songwriting. They even end up commissioning their friend Yusuke to make posters and design a logo for them (he would've done it for free since he was hanging out anyways, but they insisted on compensating him properly)

Unfortunately there is one person who is not very confident, and Mishima ends up quitting the band because he’s worried he’ll weigh them down, leaving them with a rather open gaping hole to fill. The Phantoms have become fairly well established at this point and are pretty popular among the other university students, leaving Akira very worried about finding an adequate replacement- and none of the people they audition seem to be able to keep up.

Luckily, Ann knows a guy.

Akira is hesitant because this guy apparently has no experience playing in a band and is totally self taught, but Ann swears up and down that he’s really good and “please Kira just give him a chance, what’s the worst that can happen?” And so he eventually caves and agrees to have the guy try out, assuming that it will end up in failure just like all the others.

Enter Ryuji Sakamoto to the chat. He’s loud, he’s energetic, he’s covered in tattoos and piercings, he’s arguably obnoxious, and Akira doesn’t want to be impressed but he absolutely is. Ryuji surpasses all his expectations and it drives him fucking crazy because he shouldn’t be this good and yet. And Yet.

So he begrudgingly agrees to have Ryuji join them for their next practice, and decides to throw all of their most complicated songs at him. Make or break. Sink or swim. Either way he’s determined to push Ryuji hard until he cracks and crumbles under the pressure, ultimately proving Akira correct.

What he does not account for is Ryuji’s incredible stubbornness and determination, pushing him to outlast and out-perform each and every time without fail, even in the face of the rather tense relationship building between them.

Or at least Ryuji thinks it's tense, but Akira is starting to crumble himself, and although he is loathe to admit it, their new drummer is growing on him.

Of course in this au Akira is autistic (bc again it wouldn't be a James hc otherwise) and communication is not his strong suit, so he expresses himself in the only way he knows how, which is music. He writes the songs himself and is usually the one choosing which ones they're going to play, and the ones he picks become gradually more emotional and personal to him in hopes that Ryuji is paying attention.

The culmination of this being when Ryuji overhears Makoto questioning his song choices, saying "but don't you think the new guy..." and assumes (understandably so) that they're still questioning his abilities to keep up. He confronts Akira about it, only to be told "you know I write these all myself right? So listen and maybe you'll learn something."

Ryuji ends up feeling awfully foolish when the song ends up being about deeply personal struggles, but Akira doesn't hold it against him- instead inviting him out for ramen after practice so they can have a real conversation that doesn't involve them bitching at each other. He apologizes for being so standoffish, and explains the autism that went undiagnosed for so long, and the fact that his parents kicked him out when he was 16 because they found out he was gay- which is what lead to Sojiro adopting him.

In turn, Ryuji tells him about his father and the Kamoshida incident (resolved in a non-metaverse way obv) and a new understanding is formed between them, which eventually paves the way to a budding friendship. They bond over shared taste in music, video games, anime, the works, and the band becomes stronger than ever.

And it isn't long before group hangouts become one-on-one hangouts. They'll get takeout and go back to Ryuji's apartment to play games- Ryuji always drives and always makes a point of opening the door for Akira- and each time they'll stay together a little later, and linger a little longer in the car before saying goodbye.

The rest of the gang is understandably intrigued by this turn of events, especially since Akira hasn't seriously shown interest in anyone since his big breakup, but Ann The Matchmaker is confident that she can give them both the push they need to take the leap. Ryuji is skeptical about her insistence that he absolutely 100% does have a shot with Akira, meanwhile Akira has come to terms with his feelings for Ryuji but does not know how to express them, so he does what any reasonable person would do: get everyone to go drinking and dancing so he can have a very convenient excuse to get very close. He even remembers to put the snake bites in for this one

(spoiler alert, his plan absolutely works and he does not wake up in his own bed the next day)

And then things are good because of course they are. They're the sun and moon, adhd/autism, they balance each other out, they respect each other, they bring out the best in one another, and for the first time in over a year Akira feels totally at ease.

But of course we have to have an obligatory "oops we ran into your ex-boyfriend in public and now he knows you have a new boyfriend and is being weird about it" scene, where Akechi susses out their relationship and proceeds to be a massive bitch about it. Of course all of it is ire directed at Ryuji and his general appearance/demeanor, which doesn't really bother him because fuck it, he managed to get through high school and is okay now, why would he care what some pompous twink has to say about him? Akira on the other hand is not having it, and Ryuji has to interject before they can have a full-on argument in public.

This run-in prompts Akira to actually talk about his relationship with Akechi- something that he had never done before- and in doing so can finally come to terms with how much it really affected him, and gain some semblance of closure. (Perhaps I will talk about the Akechi relationship in a different post so that this one doesn't end up being 800 miles long)

In the end, this is all a very long and elaborate pegoryu story that I haven't really thought of a proper end for, and was entirely inspired by me listening to music whilst walking my dog and going "ough but imagine emo Akira" which became "imagine emo Akira singing." That coupled with the fact that Ryuji is the most drummer ever, and I found myself with a recipe for a delightful daydream that became so wild the more scenes I imagined and wrote in my head.

Maybe one day I'll try and turn this into something, or at least just a collection of scenes ranging from fluff to angst to, uh, other, if I'm feeling really crazy about it, but yeah, long story short I am absolutely buckwild insane about them and I think about this a lot

[lapis-lights]

.·.·Blog Navigation·.·.

Welcome! You can call me Lapis and this is where you'll find all the information you need to know about my blog including rules, information about me, and my masterlist.

Please take the time to read through if you're new here :)

.·.·Blog Info/Boundaries·.·.

This is an x reader blog! I really only write for Leon Kennedy from Resident Evil for right now because hyperfixation went brr.

My fics tend to be LONG since drabbles and imagines aren't usually my thing. When I write, I tend to want a broader context that devolves into a whole story. Because of this, I usually write the whole fic before posting parts/chapters on consecutive days.

My inbox is open with anons enabled! You may ask to be a specific anon if you think you'll be coming back.

Requests are NOT open! Please don't enter my inbox asking me to write something because I will just delete it and move on. I only write for my own pleasure and honestly, trying to live up to an expectation is intimidating :') HOWEVER sharing ideas and just asking for a simple "What do you think of this?" is perfectly fine!

Please be aware that these stories commonly contain NSFW content/themes. Don't interact if you're a minor. I obviously can't stop you if you do decide to read it, but please don't engage if you do.

If you are inspired by my fics by any chance, anything is free game. Spin-off fics, art, analyses, anything! Pls, tag me if you do so.

Criticism is accepted in my inbox, but keep it as actual criticism instead of ripping into my fics and stamping it as feedback.

Please don't ask anything about my personal life. I'd rather keep matters private unless I willingly speak about it.

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Link to Blog Masterlist

.·.·About the Author·.·.

I've been writing for roughly 7 years, and I'm still working on finding a solid writing style.

18+!

Your local matcha enjoyer. I drink too much of the stuff tbh but that's ok.

I started writing long fics by accident actually but it's what I'm known for best at this point.

I'm in the U.S. so posts will be centered around EST when being scheduled!

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Catharsis / FYI / Lesson Learned

Just know that when you see a non-Sydcarmy fic out there with a plot that includes codependency syndrome, a hotel chain poaching Carmy and taking him abroad, a happy ending, and Donna being a recovered alcoholic, which I have already mentioned time and time again on my blog that I think is gonna be her redemption arc (unless she dies), and that the main non Sydcarmy couple breaks up and gets back together when her codependency syndrome is under control, THAT PLOT IS ACTUALLY MINE (and a previous Sydcarmy plot about a trans person and a gay guy befriending Carmy in rehab, too, btw) bc I made the mistake of helping a writer with her fics. Ofc I have the receipts but I rather not use them, I’m not like that. I don’t expect credit bc after this writer used me, with my consent, she blocked me. It’s fine, I was clear from the get-go and I mention this all the time on my blog, that I only enjoy, write and read Sydcarmy content and she disagreed with that. I did make a small and occasional exception for her, though and I now regret it, and quite frankly that's the only thing I regret, even knowing the end result at this point. My bad.

Not that I owe ANYONE any explanation for my preferences as a writer, reader, fan, or viewer but I have my reasons for 💯 thinking that the best writing in this fandom can be found in Sydcarmy fics and that other pairs are usually extremely OC and are typically a bunch of dialogue lines thrown out there with no plot and a lot of smut (you guys know how much I dig smut, right?), which is not really my cup of tea but I fully support that it may be others'. I just happened to notice that it's not necessarily as complex as a concept to write about, bc in that case you don't have to worry about characterization or about what the creator/writer/director/EP really meant to say or tried to convey with their work, seeing as you completely disregard or bypass it and just keep the same names. I get it though: it’s easier and more practical to just write OC and pour down on the page all your sexual fantasies in the second person. I’m just not here for it and I am not sorry about it. And I’m unapologetic about this bc as I mentioned, to each their own, let's just be open about it.

This fandom is big enough not to have to cross paths and just be able to coexist peacefully, agreeing to disagree (if you are mature enough to handle that ofc). As long as the content is properly tagged and disclaimed, etc so we can all decide what to stay away from and what to dig in, making an informed decision, that is. Let's be clear: I don’t have to like ANYTHING, none of us have to be on the same page as to what fics we think are good or bad, which ones we love or which ones we fucking hate with a passion, but we all should act with integrity, here and offline. So that being said, I wasn’t treated that way and even though I feel used, I enabled it, so… karma, I guess. I was even stupid enough to send voice notes bc I was at work and then a few messages down the convo this person said: "I think I will have X do Y and Z...", which was exactly to the T what I had suggested AS PER HER INSISTENT REQUEST a few messages prior in my voice notes. So, I guess I had it coming...

While I have only been on Tumblr for like 5 minutes (2 months and 1/2), I have been quite active in other fandoms in the past, such as LTM and TXF, because I was born in the 80s, guys :) and nothing like this has ever happened to me before, I even had an account on FF.net where I did lots of collabs, and half the time I just donated my ideas bc I was too busy to actually write the fics myself and I was traveling all the time, so it was easier for me to let someone else write the stories, I have no issues sharing as long as everything is properly labeled. Everything was dreamy back then, I never had this kinda experiences before, and will take every precaution moving forward to never have them again, because it feels shitty and OC for me.

My points are:

1- Just FYI.

2- I don’t take this lightly #LessonLearned

3- Let’s agree to disagree in peace, please.

Thanks for reading.

XOXO

[plothooksinc]

for the writing ask meme, have you answered either of these?

🎬 If a movie or show were based on your fic, which fic would you choose and who would you fancast?

Do you outline your fic or plan as you go?

Hello anon! I'm sorry for the long delay-- I got into a protracted fight with insomnia (I stayed awake for 24 hours, managed to sleep for one and staggered around shrieking muuurderrrr??? for a while) so now that I am mostly well rested I have come to answer your ask \o/

🎬 If a movie or show were based on your fic, which fic would you choose and who would you fancast?

...I can really answer only the first part of this, because I'm elitist scum who will turn my nose up at the idea of live action anything for my animated fandoms, lmao. Particularly with TMNT, who are 99% not human anyway in terms of cast. So I'd be like "get me their original VAs pls and thank" and leave it at that.

But! For a movie or show, I'm going to deviate from my norm of late and say The Zaibatsu Project. Much as my love my teetles, NRFTW takes place over six days and is paced in such a way it probably wouldn't work well in film (a few days of quiet followed by multiple chapters of everyone screaming and on fire, uhhh) and Underdark definitely works much better in print, given that most of it takes place in complete darkness. Legacy would work if I ever finished it, as would the teasers, but let's not use fics in potentia, haaaa.

The Zaibatsu Project isn't finished either, but there's a lot more meat to it than my other unfinisheds and stands a better chance of being finished first, and it's... honestly the fic I've spent time considering whether I should rip it down, file the serial numbers off, and write it as original fic because the story works so well regardless. I decided against it in the end (largely because I knew I'd never finish it) but it's a Rurouni Kenshin AU in which all the 19th century characters are all in fact in 2029 cyberpunk!Japan, which was all very futuristic when I started writing it (and I sweat more and more as we approach this date), in which Battousai is in fact a Black ICE program and separate from Kenshin (his programmer, deeply ashamed of this fact and in semi-retirement), and him being called back to duty by the Zaibatsu he's contracted to in order to both update his programming and chase down the only survivor of the Battousai program, who just happens to be one unconventional hacker (Kaoru) desperately trying to find her missing brother (Yahiko) who unwittingly signed his life away to the Zaibatsu in question, whoops. Cue a lot of cat and mouse-ing, car chases, riots, street fights, politicking, underhanded dealing, corporate warfare, and currently Kaoru running for her life from Kenshin who really would like her to stop running so he can protect her already gdit get back here-- It's fun :D And it would make for a great movie/show, so that's my pick. In lieu of fancasting, I would ask instead for it to be animated by Studio Trigger to keep with the theme of things.

Do you outline your fic or plan as you go?

I have answered this one before, but just briefly again: sometimes! I don't bother with short fics or fics that are meant to be short and suddenly turn into super long ones. A lot of the time if I outline, it's more a guidepost and me sitting down to go "okay, here is a scene I want to write, can I actually come up with a plot to get to that point?" - if i can dotpoint my way to the end, that's often the last time I look at the outline and off I go and will... probably mostly stick to the outline but do casually change things as ideas occur (or my beta enables me with horrendous cackling, not looking at you @shadowbends). (NRFTW, for example, has held reasonably well to the outline, but Donnie said "fuck you I do what I want" and went off script some time ago and honestly, good for him, you go you ex-spaghetti monster, see where that gets you! Like all writers, clearly I have no control over the characters. None. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Thank you for the ask! And again, sorry for the delay ♥

[lorei-writes]

Fanfic Writer Emoji Asks! 🥺😈⛔📈👀

Ahh, hello, hello! Thanks for dropping by!!! <3

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

Hmm... Perhaps those small moments of domesticity? Them just sharing the mundane daily life, with little affections present.

Overall, it’s easier to melt me with ‘She hanged out laundry to dry outside and went to nap, because she was really tired. The laundry dried, but rain threatened to ruin it. Instead of waking her up, her partner went to collect it himself, folded it, and put some of it back in the closet, all the while making sure he is extra quiet as not to disturb her. She woke up in a room smelling of fresh laundry.’ kind of scenario than anything grand (for example, big vacation, elaborate dates, anything involving a lot of luxury or items signifying high social standing).

(On that note, I’m the type of person to go heart-eyed when suitors are presented to just... Wear comfortable clothing? Of course, in appropriate situations. But I’d take ‘cooking together while in old sweatpants and some random T-shirt’ kind of scenario over any ‘dress up in an exquisite suit and attend this ball’ situation anytime).

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

I can’t recall one, no. At least not in stories themselves. However, I do allow myself to get a tiny tiny bit mean in some roleplaying events (say, In the Eye(glasse)s of The Grandma, or Samurwise Advice).

But nearly all the advice shared during the Grandma event is fairly terrible, so I hope nobody takes it too seriously, haha. I try to keep it in a good tone.

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

Does writing out the beginning while knowing that it will never be turned into a finished story count? If it does -- then yes, I suppose this happened several times. Otherwise.. Not really.

I sometimes take several tries before the beginning lands ‘just right’. So I definitely scrape stuff, just generally not the entire concept for a story (at least not after I’ve decided to write it out... I have an entire graveyard of ideas).

📈 How many fics do you have?

At the moment, it’s 182 fics. (Multichapter stories each contribute a one fic in this counting system -- so, say, all chapters of The Dragon of Yss count as one; headcanons and event letters not included).

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

Okay. Okay. Okay. This thing? This thing has been killing me for several weeks now. Actually, those several weeks were killing me overall, because MAN. I generally had several short breaks during the day, and would be free for longer only after 9 or 10PM >,> But, starting this weekend, it got a little bit easier on me, so hopefully I can finish this -ish now. Hopefully.

So! A 3-chapter mini series. Fandom: The Arcana. Asra x Anna (OC).

When? Just before the beginning of the game. Situation? As in the game, Anna has no recollection of her previous life. However, at this point, she can live independently, and building a life for herself is what she does... Asra may not be included in it, but he convinces himself he should be happy for her. Unlike in the game, though, Anna begins to recover her memories, which leads her to question everything that she thought she knew.

Overall: lots of a certain particular brand of internal angst. Why am I doing it to myself? I don’t know. It appeared in my head, I told some friends about it, they liked it, and there we are. I’ve been enabled to commit angst, haha.

Fanfic Writer Asks

[chengxians]

I truly am in deep with this hyperfixation and I am making it everyone's problem.

Yes! Please keep me updated when you get to that point because I want all of your perspective! Since I haven't read most of the book (just a few scenes to verify certain things) I wanna know if it's as chaotic in the books and if you liked the changes!

LWJ's individual arc is actually something I really enjoyed. WY did a really good job playing it out, from someone who believes wholeheartedly in the rules because his mother died for it so he has to because if he doesn't then does anything matter? and then WWX bursts through the door with like the most minimal but important rules and throughout the story, he learns the difference between doing what's right and doing what's just and when each has its place and its wonderful. I do think that LWJ definitely had more wiggle room to help but that's a convo for another time (and maybe a meta I might write later). And the three months in-between with JC where like JC is a sect leader of a pretty much dead sect and he still makes the time to search for his brother (which is like the 3rd time JC picked WWX over his sect) and he loves him. And then he watches them split and wonders why when they love each other. And knows that JC loves WWX. And LWJ loves WWX too. And there's so much!

I, too, adore W@ngChengX!an! There are so many ways they balance eachother! ChengX!an pre-canon and the angst during the SSC, W@ngX!an during Cloud Recesses, Zh@ncheng after WWX leaves and LWJ wants to learn more about WWX and just learns more about JC too (NHS knows all and introduces them bc I'm always a huge fan of the LXC and NMJ playdates with the baby bros), the three months in between, the 13-16 years in between! The jealousy, the angst, the potential! I could go on for days! (I'm actually planning to do an AllCheng agenda post with various ships and dynamics and ideas because while I can't write fic for shit, I can headcanon my days away).

Their perspectives balance out too! WWX thinks in the broadest perspective of what is Wrong and What is Right, JC is the mid-ground perspective of what are the long-term implcations in society, can it impact how we do other things and how can we plan around it and LWJ (now) thinks of the individual, based on their merit and who they are and becomes less judgemental as a result. I think that's mainly why I don't ship W@ngX!an as much as I could have. But the three of them together have way more going for it (also I have a very specific headcanon that WWX does the flute, LWJ plays the guqin and JC sings the lyrics for WuJi since I feel like a grumpy grape like him must be great at slam poetry and lyrics).

Maybe its because I know that they way my loved ones show that they care is because the question me. They care enough to confront me, to meddle, to ask, to let me rant and help me find my way to the choice that's best for me. So even in the most enabling and unhealthy fics I read, I always want that. The "I will side with you, always, but I want you to know my side too." The vulnerability of opening up and showing what the implications are. The messy fights, the yelling, the poking at soft spots is something I will always want to see.

Like one of my fav scenes is when JC confronts WWX before they decide to stage the fight for this reason! Like you see where their priorities lie and that they both have valid perspectives for the positions they're in but they come to the slow realization that they can't have it all. And WWX I think does want to leave, he doesn't want to pretend he's okay and he doesn't want to spend a second more fronting for the sake of YMJ because he's done enough, fulfilled his debts and he wants a little break before even attempting to come back home (Burial Mounds doesn't sound like a good long-term solution but I also don't think he expected to live long).

LXC is definitely an enabler but I think it's also similar to JYL's response to trauma. And he does like so much for LWJ because he put all his love for his parents and family on his brother (gives me a lot of Itachi and Sasuke vibes but less extreme and with less trauma). So, similar to JC and WWX, when LWJ tells him something in a sure tone, LXC believes it.

Like considering demonic cultivation and resentful energy are so harmful (look at the Nies), it would be like if you're brother came to you and told you that he did some crack and now has superpowers after disappearing for months and you believe him because if WWX told JC the stars were falling, JC would have run for cover without looking at the sky. Like, the amount this man trusts WWX is insane. It might have been despiration but also he knows if anyone can do it, it's his Shixiong. And every scene, he asks, he asks WWX to clarify, to let him know, to let him and I just can't with these boys.

Wang Zhuocheng will always impress me because this was essentially his break out role! And the intro scene where LJY mentions that JC killed WWX so why is he checking in MXY? The flashbacks with his family and how much he yearns to keep them together but we know that its gonna fall apart! And his interactions with Jin Ling (who also did an amazing job in the role) were perfect despite the actors being like one year apart in age! Just all of it was so good and I will never not be impressed!

Sorry for the essays! Just really excited about the Untamed and I have a lot to gush about.

this has been in my inbox for ages bc i just kept reading it over and over because op. (kisses your brain) Wow. your meta is actually so fucking good and i am sliding you five american dollars to continue sending me essays about anything and nothing

your characterization (perception of their characterization??) lines up perfectly with mine and tbh you put it in better words than i could. i just. i dont even have words for this bc im just In Awe that someone can word this good

im gonna post this without much comment and followers…..begging u to read this…..op’s brain is so so so big and i adore every single thing about this little essay

[babesonly]

fic recs 2.0!

hello kings (gn) ive got significantly more fic than last time which means this is gonna be a little more organized than the last post bc it is much longer <3 categories in order are non casefic canonverse, casefic/roadtrip fic, finale fixits, endverse, non supernatural aus, and then non destiel ones. titles will be in bold for my favs! also within each category they’re in order from shortest to longest

Canonverse

I’m a tulip in a cup by godtiering (1.2k)

I worry that I never really came back from hell. I wonder why, if I got remade by heaven, I’m still the same screwed up kid that I always was.

Sometimes I worry I’m not into women at all.

"Guess not,” he looks at his shoes.

a REALLY good fic that’s basically just a look inside dean’s head during my bloody valentine do not read this looking for a fun time but please do read it

on vessels by flightsofangels (1.9k)

“You know,” Cas mutters into Dean’s bare skin. “When I was still… an angel, I used to dream that I would take you as my vessel.”

hello consumehimnatural fans!!!!! read newt’s fic right now its incredible

dean winchester is not a nicholas sparks protagonist by microcomets (1.9k)

Dean fell in love with Cas the way you fall asleep--slowly, and then all at once. Or some other hackneyed and trite bullshit. God, this is embarrassing.

dean is in LOVE. he’s also a disaster who keeps staring at cas’ hands. sigh

Stay by aeli_kindara (2.5k)

Coda to 13.06 (Tombstone). In which Castiel reckons with the aftermath of Dean's grief.

hello fellow widow arc fans <3 click here to see cas find out abt the events of advanced thanatology !

walking on a string by swordfishtrombones (2.7k)

Between the doomed offensive at the Firmament and the impending retreat from the ravaged northeast border, Castiel left camp long enough to answer one of Dean Winchester's prayers.

S6 DEAN IS A WAR WIFE. been really into early seasons deancas lately and this one is very good. god

the flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k)

Ezekiel 39:17 "you shall eat the flesh of the mighty and drink the blood of the princes of the earth."

MY GOD. anyone who saw the @autisticandroids​ purgatory cannibalism talk and was interested read this right now. also anyone who enjoyed nbc hannibal OR raw (2016). if romantic cannibalism is remotely aligned with your interests read this right now. god

Sam Winchester, Ally At Law by alittleduck (3.3k)

Sam was pretty sure he could read every single gay friendly guide to coming out or supporting queer family members ever written and literally none of them would even imply that arguing with gay people that they were actually just homophobic constituted as "ally behavior". However, Sam was equally sure that none of those book authors had found themselves accidentally watching their brother get pounded by an Angel of the Lord at 9 am on Tuesday, so Sam was pretty sure he might actually still have the higher ground. Now, if only Jack would stop trying to bond with Dean using gay slurs long enough for Sam to convince everyone of that, he might just be able to cobble together some remnant of sanity or, failing that, dignity.

Or, the one where Sam desperately wants to invent PFLAG but Dean won't stop teaching Jack gay slurs

JACK VOICE HEY COCKSUCKERS. 

hummed low by microcomets (3.3k)

Dean pulls the Impala over at a cider barn about thirty miles out; doesn't really think about it, just sees the hokey orange lettering off the roadside and lets his hands guide the Impala off the interstate with gravel spitting under the wheels.

they get a nice day out together and dean has a gay crisis and it’s written beautifully mwah

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi (3.9k)

In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.

sometimes i think about this fic and it hits that at this point dean and cas would have been married for more than a year. cas my beloved...

an exploration of gender; angelic by sometimeswelose (4k)

Castiel's true form is made of electromagnetic radiation. He has spent the majority of his life, if you really want to add it all up and average the whole thing out, as a wavelength of celestial intent.

The thing about being made of light: it's light in the physics sense of the word. Castiel's waves are gamma, x-ray, micro, and radio. He's visible light too, of course, a visible light so intense that it is blinding to most humans.

hello trans cas community <3 he’s literally trans he was assigned genderless and then went hm actually i will be a man! love of my life

Some Boys are Sleeping Alone by prosopopeya (4.2k)

This isn't something that's okay, not for him, but it chases him through the years until it turns into something he can't -- doesn't want to deny. 

ohhh deans tenuous relationship with his sexuality my beloved...

love. worship. consummation. consumption. by redeyedwrath (4.3k)

ConsumehimNatural (copyright marcusantonius) the Series!

These are all snapshots centered around the idea of you know. Hunger in Supernatural. Both carnal hunger and other kinds. Fics are shown in semi-chronological order but this series is generally nebulously early seasons.

for ANYONE who is a consumehimnaturual this is required reading it is INCREDIBLE and gorgeous and very visceral and i am so very obsessed with it. thank you redeyedwrath for enabling my brainrot

the reach of human sense by perilously (4.5k)

“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”

“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.

And it used to belong to someone else.

this one is just very nice <3 cas gets uncomfortable w dean calling him attractive since dean has never seen his trueform and they work it out

Down in the River by Ias (4.7k)

Alone in Purgatory and hunted by Leviathans, Castiel finds himself praying to the one person who can't hear him.

cas i love you <3 cas alone in purgatory praying to dean bc dean is the only thing he still worships i love you so much

Creature of Habit by trinityofone (5.1k)

The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well.

written in s5 when cas was depowered and completely nails the later seasons bitchy husbands dynamic it’s very good and fun <3

sink by crackers4jenn (5.4k)

"Where to?" A 9.06 coda.

very bittersweet very well written and also canon compliant so do not go into this one looking for a happy ending but i DO recommend it it’s very good

Sensational by castiowl (6.1k)

“When I first came to earth, it was advised that we temper the senses bound to our vessels. They were a distraction, we were told. An antiquated form of experiencing existence that would hinder our ability to complete our missions, whatever that may be. My true form can better facilitate these experiences. What you would recognize as heightened senses of sight and sound, among other things.”

Or, how Dean helps Cas experience all five human senses for the first time in one night.

early seasons deancas man. i love the sound part i love dean being so worried about doing a good job with this. god. read this please

Something to Protect by Sass_Master (6.2k)

Dean’s violent reaction to being unexpectedly woken has become something of a running joke among them, but Castiel can’t help but look past it to the underlying cause. It makes him ache to think that Dean feels so unsafe, so persecuted, before he’s even fully conscious.

Secretly, Castiel has been determined to work on that, to ease Dean into awareness in a less jarring way, smooth away one of the many stresses that follow him even in sleep. Now’s as good a time as any to try.

oh to sleep more soundly in the presence of someone you love...this fic is very nice i enjoyed it a lot

all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers (7k)

“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”

Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.

“I mean it,” Dean insisted.

“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”

hello trans dean community here is 7k of trans dean having to deal with his internalized homophobia now that he’s sleeping with cas <3 it is SO good

The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k)

He takes a shower and the pressure is not especially good, but it doesn’t matter. It’s warm and he stands under the spray a long time. Human skin, he knows, constantly renews itself, shedding the dead cells of the epidermis. He wonders how long it will take until he is an entirely new person, until every cell on his surface is a new one. He looks at his hands under the water. It might take less than a month.

this might be the only post 9x03 fic on here with a happy ending actually? plenty of good melancholy leading up to it though <3 canon divergent after 9x03 though which means no 9x06 fanfiction gap but it is absolutely worth reading

till the juice runs by deathbanjo (8.4k)

Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.

hello this one is SO funny dean finally gets comfortable enough with his bisexuality to start having sex with men and it goes so very bad every time so sorry about your shitty choices beloved </3

First Date by aeli_kindara (8.9k)

“We should go on a date. You and me.”

Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.

“I’m asking you out, Cas.”

this one is very sweet i liked it a lot <3 good refreshing little fic where they just get to have a nice evening together

Entertaining Strangers by cadignan (9k)

Dean settles on to his side, lying in the bed facing Castiel. “So you had sex without me and you bit all my moves. I think I deserve to hear about it, at least. What was her name?”

op im in love with you. premise is established relationship deancas and cas mentions he did have sex before dean and not only that it was a threesome. good for him <3 this fic is cas describing the story of what led up to the threesome and what happened during it while dean interrupts regularly. incredible

the shape you take by noviembre (10k)

“What?” Dean says, fake-offended. “I’d be hot as a girl, you know I would.”

And this is when he really, really should have stopped talking. When he shouldn't have whipped back around and asked, “Cas, if I was a woman, you’d fuck me, right?”

Because if he hadn’t said that, then he wouldn’t have had to deal with this:

Cas, meeting his eyes, forehead wrinkles all smoothed out like there’s nothing to be confused about anymore. Cas with something at the corner of his mouth that might barely be called a smile.

Cas saying, calmly and without hesitation, “Yes, Dean.”

--

Dean Winchester fucks around and, with the inadvertent help of some witches, Finds Out.

dean winchester your gender is diabolical. this fic is insane and its the only thing that matters actually. dean fully convinced its normal and straight to think about being a woman so you can fuck your male friend. incredible. op im proposing to you

Sinnerman by a_good_soldier (10k)

Dean listens to Nina Simone, reads Anne Carson, and makes out with a dude (sort of).

yall want to read about dean realizing he’s in love with a man as a direct result of learning to better respect women right?

you’re fooling yourself by cowboydeanwinchester (13k)

Dean Winchester and Castiel retire from hunting to raise baby Jack. Dean struggles to allow himself the things he truly wants.

Jack is two, Castiel and Dean are idiots, and Sam's gotta solve everyone's problems.

love a married couple who doesn’t know they’re married <3 everyone say thank you sam for bullying dean 

The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock (15k)

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

a classic for good fucking reason. we’ve all talked about dean thinking holding hands is too gay after having just had gay sex but my personal favorite was sam accusing dean of cheating on cas because dean bought condoms. incredible

No Kingdom To Come by domesticadventures (16k)

“We should fuck,” Dean says.

Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.

There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.

Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”

literally the only quarantine fic i’ve ever bothered to read in any fandom and completely worth it it’s SO good. they become fwb and dean has an existential crisis and he keeps bringing up meaninglessness and death during sex

Bodies by Speary (18k)

It was a secret they never acknowledged even with each other. It would change everything, end everything if either of them ever dropped the act. So they became very good at acting, at keeping up the lie that gave them what they wanted. Even if that lie involved constantly seeking out temporary, consenting female vessels, Cas would do it. He told himself it was worth it for Dean. He just hoped that he could stop wanting more, or maybe one day Dean might stop pretending that he wasn't really sleeping with Cas every time.

i don’t even have anything to add tbh if that summary did not immediately make you click we are very different this fic is incredible. god. fellas do you ever make yourself a woman so you can fuck the man you love without him having to talk about it or confront his sexuality

it’s such a mystery (the way you know me) by fleeceframe (20k)

So the man crouching in front of Castiel is named Dean. He wonders if that’s supposed to mean something to him.

“Cas must’ve got hit with something earlier. He just dropped like a sack of fucking potatoes a minute ago. By the time I was checking on him, he had already woken up again, but now he doesn’t fucking know who we are.”

“I’m right here you know,” Castiel says testily.

Sam’s eyes are wide even as his eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks between Dean and Castiel again.

“What do you remember, Cas?”

“Firstly, that I’m not Cas. I don’t know who Cas is, but it’s not me. I don’t know who either of you are, either."

or the one where castiel is hit with a memory curse that makes him forget the winchester brothers and is stunned to find out he has a family... also why can't he stop thinking about dean?

BEST amnesia fic oh my god. cas my beloved you deserve the world. everyone read this that is not a request.

More Than Ever by Sass_Master (20k)

Dean’s getting some pancakes together for breakfast when Cas saunters in after a run.

He’s trying to focus on whisking batter, unfairly distracted by Cas a few feet away, breathing heavily and shining with perspiration. Dean’s been painfully aware for a long time that Cas is pretty easy on the eyes, but he’s used to seeing Cas buttoned-up and unflappable, looking straight-laced in a stiff oxford and an unflattering trenchcoat.

Now Cas is sweating, Dean’s borrowed t-shirt clinging to his skin, flushed from exertion and Dean really can’t deal with that in his kitchen right now.

this entire series is really good i enjoyed it a lot, i’m just putting this one specifically on the list bc the rest of the series is very explicit and this is really good as a standalone for anyone who wouldn’t be into the rest of the series!!

Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous (20k)

"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."

Who the fuck was this bitchy "warrior of God" doing talking to him like that? Fuck Cas-tee-el and his dumbass trench coat and abrasive motherfucking attitude.

Dean was done with this shit.

***

Wherein a monster of the week steals the essence of Castiel's vessel, so he must use Dean, recently raised from hell, as a vessel instead.

it is at this point i realize that there are more fics than i expected there to be on this list that involves a threesome with only two people/using the presence of a female body to act like what’s happening is heterosexual. deangirlism is a disease 

I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k)

His grace is burning out, and the wasteland it leaves inside him becomes an echo chamber for all the memories, all the fear and doubt and self-loathing he's collected over the years. Things said and done hound him on endless repeat until he's convinced they’ll break through his skin and fill the silence of the bunker.

His head is killing him, and he sits hunched over an open book, not really reading, just digging his fingers into his skull and praying nothing slips through the cracks.

this one is GORGEOUS i love it so so much. dean and cas are both struggling so much to get by and they’re trying to support each other but fucking it up and they have to grow together and learn to cope with the fact that this is where their lives are and they fall in love i need everyone to read this

To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess (24k)

Title: Just One of Those Things Author: Impala67 Series: TOS Rating: M Summary: Four years into their five-year mission, and all the planets start to look the same.

In which Dean is not Gene Roddenberry, but he does write Star Trek fanfiction.

mx winchester writing star trek fanfiction to process his own trauma <3 this is a wip but it’s SO good and i also have not consumed a single piece of star trek media so it IS definitely readable to anyone who isn’t a star trek fan. please read this

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo (30k)

“Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”

this is on here just for the 1.5 people who were putting off this one like i did for no reason. it’s extremely good and it is just gentle. i enjoyed it a lot

Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord (42k)

After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.

Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.

yall ever wonder what it would’ve been like if the sam and dean arrest storyline in s12 was interesting? yeah <3

Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara (52k)

In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean.

(A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)

cas learning about humanity through poetry before dean and thats what led to him developing enough emotion to be lobotomized....cas i love you so much

Emergence by ellispark (58k)

Something’s been missing from Dean’s life for the past three years, a void left after a hunt gone terribly wrong. He often feels a sense of longing with no discernible cause, a need to talk to someone who isn’t there.

A call from an acquaintance leads Dean to James Novak, a man who disappeared more than a decade ago, and suddenly Dean gets the feeling he’s found what he’s been missing. But James isn’t really James — he’s the angel Castiel, who’s wanted by angels, demons and hunters alike. And he may be at the center of the storm that wrecked Dean’s life all those years ago.

another cool amnesia fic!! for unknown reasons everyone forgot cas three years ago but cas didn’t forget anything. cas deserves so much love and support. god

a turn of the earth by microcomets (95k)

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

cas getting to meet and fall in love with pre hell dean just as much as he loves the dean he already knows oh my GOD. i love this fic so much. turn of the earth my beloved

Crossing Lines by sometimeswelose (122k)

Two Deans, one Cas - it's not as sexy as it sounds

Or

An ethics lesson from Hell

Or

The one where Dean from the past meets Dean in the present. They're not sure they like each other very much.

deans intense self hatred vs cas’ unwavering love for every version of dean oh my GOD also this is a wip fair warning but it’s so worth waiting for updates i’m having such a great time with this one i cannot wait to see how it gets ended

Plot Holes by saltyfeathers (160k)

Of course it wasn’t over after the apocalypse.

There was season six. Then there was season seven. Against all expectations, there was season eight. There were the alphas and purgatory, and then the Leviathans, and then the angels fell. Enter season nine. Loose threads Metatron, Abaddon, and Crowley have to be tied up. Sam, Dean, and Cas have to try to tie them while at the same time dealing with their evolving relationships and newfound graceless states.

Amidst all the chaos, someone has started publishing the Supernatural novels again. Convinced there’s something amiss in the pages, Charlie starts her own quest to suss out the truth behind the Winchester Gospels.

With the help of various faces, old and new, they must now not only deal with the typical runs of demons and recently fallen angels, but also reconcile the battles raging inside themselves, as the fate of the world, once again, quite literally lays in the palm of their hands.

saltyfeathers said i WILL make the plot holes in this show mean something because the showrunners are sure as shit never gonna adress them ! and i thank them for it bc this was a really cool read

Casefic/Roadtrip Fic

Deprived Of Every Planet by KelpietheThundergod (9k)

Dean's breathing is audible in the scant space between them, irregular. The motel room is dark, pale blue shadows falling in through the gaps in the blinds. Throwing a pattern of uneven white stripes over the bunched up covers. Over Dean's fingers twisted in the sheets. One half of him in shadow, softened by the dark. The heat of his skin. The tremble of him under Castiel's touch.

He caresses a hand over Dean's chest, slowly. Dean's mouth falls open, his body arching into Castiel's touch. Castiel stops over Dean's heart. Through the fever of his desire, he rejoices about the wonder of experiencing another's heartbeat through one's own senses.

Dean gasps, but then he turns his face away and towards the dark. Eyes closed tight and brows furrowed like something is hurting him.

Castiel stills.

“Dean?”

the case is background on this one but it Does take place over the course of a case so im putting it here. god touchstarved dean trying so hard to work through his shit for cas head in my hands i love this fic so much

before and after breakfast by spocklee (10k)

The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.

chapter 2 of this one.....god. dean and cas you are both so unwell <3 i love everything abt this fic everyone read it now

we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon (15k)

Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.

fics that make you go Oh they love each other...also there’s lesbians in it literally what else could you want.

thunder road by dothraki_shieldmaiden (20k)

After Chuck is defeated and the Winchesters settle into life without God, Dean Winchester is bored.

OR: Dean and Cas take a road trip and figure out some stuff along the way.

this fic is just like. it’s kind! this fic is kind it’s just a pleasant experience and i enjoyed it thoroughly. they’re in love and it’s good

Suck It, Judy Garland by GlitterDwarf, midrashic (20k)

It had to be St. Louis. Or, the one where Sam and Cas get fake married for a case, and Dean loses his mind.

actually im gonna defend dean here imagine youre dean and cas gives what definitely sounded like a deathbed love confession while making eye contact with you and then immediately afterwards fake dates your brother. who among us would not have been a bitch about this

best friends without benefits by lizbobjones (20k)

It’s nearing three a.m. and they’ve been on the road a long time. Sam’s been asleep in the back seat since eleven. Giving up and handing the wheel over to Cas and letting the guy who doesn’t sleep drive had seemed like a good idea.

the premise of this fic is so funny. cas voice dean you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid. everyone read this

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo (22k)

This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore.

alt version of getting rid of the mark of cain, the darkness never happens. this one is VERY heavy but it’s so good and it has a hopeful ending. ive read this one twice and loved it both times

Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark (45k)

Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.

Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.

Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.

hello op please contact me. please contact me and let me see the inside of your brain. this fic was an unparalleled experience and everyone should also go through it. i love it so very much

Bumper Cars by mansikka (111k)

Two teenagers are missing from an abandoned carnival, and there’s enough to raise suspicion that their disappearance involves a ghost. Dean, Sam, and Cas arrive in town to investigate, though what they find leads them away from those teenagers, and on the trail of a ghost story that churns up things from their past.

Can newly-human Cas, and Dean, with the help of shipper!Sam, work out the mystery behind the abandoned carnival and its ghost, and along the way, figure out the riddle that is them?

one of my absolute fav case fics it forces dean to confront some aspects of johns parenting and work through some shit and also him and cas fall in love and it’s really well done. love this one a lot <3

Finale Fix-its/Finale Denial

Sorry Jimmy by K_K_TiBal (2.1k)

Based on the tumblr textpost:

jellydeans: so are cas and jimmy novak just up in heaven existing at the same time katebushstandean: #jimmy moves to heaven timbuku so that dean stops trying to make out with him every time they run into each other at the heaven grocery store

this one is just extremely funny. local midwestern heterosexual man is forced to play relationship counselor to the dumbest gay people in existence because one of them wore his face

Dean Winchester Really Needs To Make Some Gay Friends by AreYouReady (2.2k)

“Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.

Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.

“What is it, Cas?”

“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.

“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?”

There was no way the answer to this question wasn’t funny as hell.

dean learning about gay ppl via the memories of dean smith...incredible.

tiny difference (between ending and starting to begin) by sunforgrace (2.4k)

Sometimes Dean catches Cas staring at the sky.

It doesn’t happen often. Not when Dean’s around to tell, anyway. But often enough that he starts to notice.

Eventually Dean starts to recognize the pattern.

Cas just doesn’t watch the sky. He watches the birds.

Chuck is gone, Cas is human, and the world is safe. In the quiet aftermath Dean and Castiel find each other again.

i really don’t have much to say abt this one it is just very good and they love each other so much

Bring Home by cenotaphy (3.8k)

Dean's phone doesn't ring on the drive back to the Bunker, but that's okay. Because—well, maybe Cas lost his cell, what with getting shuffled back and forth between a cosmic void dimension and all. And anyway, Dean doesn't want this conversation to happen over the phone, he wants to—he wants to talk to Cas face-to-face. They should talk face-to-face.

Dean will tell him—

Dean doesn't know what he'll tell Cas. Dean is, in fact, terrified by how utterly and completely he does not know what he'll say to Cas.

cas being forced to face the consequences of sending the risky text that was despair <3

dean’s coworkers vs the heteronormative agenda by cowboydeanwinchester (4.1k)

Dean started working at a local auto repair shop in Lebanon, Kansas about a year ago. His coworkers don't know much about him. Except that he has a wife. Or maybe he doesn't. But he has a kid. Who is either a toddler or a high schooler. Who is either named Jack or Sammy. He also might have a best friend named Cas, but that also might be his wife.

Truth is nobody knows what to make of Dean.

obsessed w people not knowing a single fucking thing about dean because he talks so much and never explains anything. this fic is SO funny

Enhanced Extraction Techniques by goldenraeofsun (5.8k)

The Empty takes Meg’s shape, Samandriel’s, Duma’s, every one of the thousands of angels Cas killed up in heaven. But in the middle of lecturing Cas in the form of Balthazar, it explodes in a burst of light and sound.

Dean Winchester stands in the aftermath.

the empty playing mind games on an awake cas bc it can’t put him to sleep is a thing i like a lot and this is very very good 

Speak Silence No More by rea_sunshine (8.1k)

When Dean imagined this moment, it went like this:

Dean bursts into the Empty—guns blazing, chin high, righteous anger coursing through him. No matter what form his plans and fantasies and whiskey-drunk-whispered-promises took, he is always, always successful. When he imagined it, he was finally the hero Cas deserved.

The reality of the moment is this:

It’s fucking cold.

dean and cas STILL managing to not communicate with each other properly after the confession is so funny to me and this fic does it really well. also i like that a human being in the empty, where humans do NOT belong, had some like. consequences

my heart is a compass by lagaudiere (10k)

“There you are,” the Empty says, in Dean’s voice. It’s cold, like Dean’s eyes are cold, his expression set in contempt. It’s the expression Cas feared, he realizes, all the times he thought about saying it. Revulsion. It makes him feel sick in the way that goes beyond physical, here where there is nothing physical left.

The moment before it happened had been so sweet it covered up all the hurt. For years, Cas had been holding back those words, biting down on his tongue to keep from saying them. And now he had said it, and he knew that it was good, knew that it was worth it. But on the other side there is only this.

--

In the Empty, Cas dreams of his regrets, until someone comes looking for him.

one of thee best dean rescues cas from the empty fics out there i love the way his memories are written i love how many of them were ones that this fic came up with to give me new things to have brainworms over instead of just making me more fixated on He Watched Him Rake Leaves than i already am

killing time by orestespdf (11k)

It's been four years since Dean saved Cas from the Empty and confessed his feelings in return, and in their Vermont lakehouse, the retired couple is now learning how to heal. One morning, Dean gives Cas a haircut.

(A character study of Castiel.)

perfect fic perfect fic no notes no complaints they love each other so much and now dean is giving cas a haircut and they’re spending the day together. god.

and every time we kiss, i swear i can fly by knameless (14k)

Every time, Dean tells himself it’s the last.

--

aka, twelve times dean and cas kiss.

a just boy best friends kiss for every season <3 mwah

for which no words exist by MediaWhore (14k)

'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken

"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "

Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.

mediawhore i am in LOVE with you oh my god this fic. this fic. dean taking care of cas after rescuing him dean wrapping cas in a blanket oh my GOD

swimming with the fish pond fish by februyuri (17k)

Some time between Dean bleeding out on a makeshift hook in a barn in Ohio and Sam making marshmallows on his funeral pyre, Dean was brought back to life. By Castiel. Again. Dean agreed to it if only to give Jack time to work out the glitches up top. So, now Dean’s back in the land of the living and things are ... actually good, for once.

Or, as good as they can be when demons are attacking Earth, Dean’s failing to get over why he died in the first place, and Cas is suddenly, inexplicably taking every opportunity to casually tell Dean that he loves him.

this is a wip! but it is so good and so worth the read i love it a lot and am very excited for the last chapter. it IS pretty heavy though dean has a LOT to work through

looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) by courfeyrac (20k)

"Jack’s a clever kid—has been ever since he was born, maybe even before that—but Dean’s pretty sure he hasn’t figured out where they’re going yet. And Dean’s… Dean’s excited about it. He remembers planning surprises for Sammy when they were little—saving up quarters and sneaking off to the arcade the year he turned seven, or slipping a book Dean had seen Sammy admiring into his jacket before sprinting out of the store the year he turned twelve. There was only so much Dean could give him back then, hindered by lack of finances and transportation and a father who paid attention. Now, though, Dean’s got a wallet full of cash, a tank full of gas, and the freedom to give his kid the kind of birthday he deserves."

Or, it's Jack's fourth birthday, and the kid wants to go to Build-A-Bear.

EVERYONE READ THIS RIGHT NOW. that is not a request this fic undid me. oh my god. oh my god. they’re a family and they’re going to build a bear and they love each other. oh my god. also no it isn’t a baby jack fic he is 4 and he is also alcal

what’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles (27k)

It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.

~~~

"But have you ever just met someone and maybe it wasn't from the first moment, maybe it was after all these other moments that meant more than you ever expected them to, and it seems like your soul just—just—" Kaia makes a helpless gesture with her hands, pushing out, and she breathes out loudly. "Like it can finally exhale. And that person isn't guaranteed to make you happy, but they're—they're important. You just know it, you can't even escape it, you can't let them go. Ever met someone like that, Dean?"

"I—" Dean halts, his mouth hanging open. He's looking at Kaia, who's looking at him, and his heart is fluttering in his throat like a caged bird aching to soar again. His mind threatens to spiral out of control, but he focuses, swallowing hard. "Yeah. Um. I—yeah, I have."

deancas AND dreamhunter we love to see it also dean DOES smoke weed with kaia and apologizes for pulling a gun on her what more could you want in a fic

Command Me To Be Well by prospopeya (28k)

Dean did a lot of thinking about when and how he would get Cas back. Months of it, actually, stretching into a year, because while Sam and Eileen were settling into their new lives, Dean was stuck. He was stuck in a faraway corner of the bunker, dark and empty and hollow, ringing with the sound of a vibrating phone.

So when he falls to his knees in that same room, exhausted, hurting, breathless, and he feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Cas, he realizes that he doesn't have a single clue about what to do now. Getting Cas out had been easy--actually, it'd been the opposite of that--but the planning of it, the methodical desperation of one attempt after the other had been a familiar rhythm. It'd been soothing almost, solid, something to focus on that wasn't Cas's eyes, watery and jubilant in a way Dean hadn't ever seen that up close on anyone, let alone Cas.

And now Cas is pulling him to his feet, and Dean's stumbling, and he instinctually grabs Cas's arm, and his hand lights up with a fire that he isn't prepared for.

"Hello, Dean."

oh post despair lack of communication....oh dean refusing to work through his feelings...this fic is incredible i love it everyone who enjoys dean doing everything in his power to avoid talking about feelings up to and including having sex with the guy who’s in love with him multiple times should read this

break the skin (to break the barriers) by sobsicles (29k)

The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment.

SOBSICLES TATTOO FIC MY BELOVED. dean grieving and getting tattoos and it turns into tattoo therapy. im SO in love with mitzi it’s insane. requires some suspension of disbelief for how long a tattoo takes but it’s an incredible fic and an unparalleled experience. sobsicles does not miss

ascend by quiettewandering (53k)

Something in the world is wrong.

Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.

But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.

Or can it?

SUPER cool concept i liked this a lot i’m pretty sure everyone’s read it already but just in case someone hasn’t you absolutely should

oh sooner or later it all comes down to faith by sobsicles (62k)

Getting used to Heaven is something of a marvel. It ain't perfect, and Dean thinks he'd hate it if it was, which is probably why it isn't.

~~~

"You don't understand," Dean whispers, exhaling shakily. "I know you don't, because even I don't. The instant you were gone, I wanted you back. Cas, I wanted you back. I wanted—I wanted—"

Cas stares at him, searching his face. After a moment, his own face falls slack, eyes widening just so. "Oh," he breathes out.

Dean wants to be furious that Cas has figured it out before he has—whatever it is—but he's not even that surprised. Cas knows him too well, always has, even more than Dean knows himself. He's been kicking Dean in the goddamn teeth with how deeply he understands him, even about the things Dean doesn't, ever since they first met. You don't think you deserve to be saved, that's what Cas had said. All bundled up in impossibilities and power, this being that looked at Dean Winchester and knew every single inch of him, as if he had a right to each part.

"What?" Dean grits out.

"I love you, too."

the ONLY heaven fic. i do not read heaven fics bc i refuse to budge in my finale denialism i refuse to read fic where it is accepted that dean dies. i was hesitant to read this but god im glad i did it was so good. literally the best possible outcome of dean dying

Endverse

final fantasy. by orange_crushed (1.9k)

“If I’d actually been born human, would I have gotten sick like everyone else? Would I be running around gnawing on the neighbors?” Castiel tilts his head up and even from here Dean can see the black ring of his pupils, wide and dark as dead stars. He’s high as fuck and he’s been loading the guns for forty-five minutes. He stares into the space where Dean is. He smiles and shows his teeth. “Maybe you’d have already put a bullet in my head.”

"This is why you don’t lead storytime anymore," Dean says. "This kind of shit."

endverse last night on earth fics are something that can be so personal actually. god

The Last Song by Moorishflower (3.5k)

The very last song is the Song of Solomon, and Castiel sings it only for Dean. Set in "The End."

this is like. pre endverse and the tone is so like. wistful? is the best word ive got? it’s gorgeous i love it but fair warning there is graphic description of like. viscera and infected wounds

to think that we could stay the same by cipherwriter (6.5k)

cas has all he needs; himself, his creation, and enough power to continue this cycle for a long time. he's fine. dean wants to take care of him anyway.

oh my GOD this one is good it’s based off the thing of how originally endverse cas was supposed to be just sitting in a room killing and resurrecting the same cockroach over and over. very bittersweet at some points i love it a lot, do not read it if youre looking for something happy though lmao

the first church at the end of the world by withbloodstainedclothingon (11k)

The angels don’t eat the brain. Only Croats do that.

this one is fucked but it’s incredible it contains very heavy and violent subject matter and cas is an Actual cult leader he doesn’t just have orgies it is SO well done and i had a great time reading it i recommend it very highly if the warnings sound like something you can stomach

Down to Agincourt by seperis (1.1 million. i know. yes it’s a wip)

There is no such thing as a guarantee when it comes to war.

The outcome's known. Why try? Return your rusty sword to battered sheath, bow your head and bend your stubborn knee. Why take the field when you cannot win the war? But Harry -- he went down to Agincourt.

PLEASE. i know the length is intimidating i KNOW it’s a very long fic but please. please read down to agincourt i am begging you. head in my HANDS this series is incredible.

Non Supernatural AUS

Long-Term Relationship by bendingsignpost (2.7k)

Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”

Reflexively, Dean laughs.

Castiel does not.

“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”

look man it’s bendingsignpost okay. it’s bendingsignpost it’s good and it’s sweet and you should read it

One White Lie by komodobits (11k)

Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.

He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”

do you ever pretend to be a jehovahs witness for months to hang out with the guy you like because you fucked up asking him out? yeah.

separate ways and sleeping dogs by sobsicles (53k)

Dean is three years sober when Cas comes back into town.

~~~

For a moment, they just stare at each other. Dean, once again, has to swallow the urge to offer to swallow something else. It's very hard to resist the gut-wrenching pull of want that hooks in his chest whenever he looks at Cas. And to think, he used to have him, used to be able to act on that want.

God, he's so fucking stupid.

Well, there's no point in kicking himself three years later for shit he can't change. He'll just sit right here and pretend that his fingers aren't twitching with the urge to reach out and touch. He can't do that anymore, and it's his own damn fault.

"Three years ago," Cas prompts.

Dean huffs a weak laugh. "Yeah. Eventful."

this fic hit me SO hard emotionally oh my god. don’t have much to say bc most of my thoughts on this fic are very personal but my god read this please

Everyone’s a Critic by Englandwouldfall (109k)

The one where uninspired chef Dean Winchester has a one night stand with the male (!) food critic who described the flavour of his garlic bread as 'closeted' and accidentally ends up dating him to try and prove that he's a kick ass chef, thank you very much.

(He may have a point about the 'closeted' thing).

this one is SO fun. dating the food critic who called your garlic bread closeted and lying about your career because you’re embarrassed and you want to redeem your food in his eyes but then you fall in love with him

Non Destiel Centric

gender? you mean that thing i have that pisses people off? by bigender dean winchester (homosexualitie) (946 words)

sam and dean paint each other's nails and dean abuses the technicalities of her gender. what more could you want? 

HELLO HE/SHE DEAN COMMUNITY oh my god the pure rush of euphoria reading this. oh my god. oh my god. 

the quiet road to a distant city by rottingbrains (1.2k)

Sam stares out the windshield again. They’re approaching a city, and she can see the lights in the distance. She’s past the danger zone, and she feels like the world around her reflects that in some way she can’t put into words- as if God is telling her that it’s okay. She did the right thing, and soon she will be past the lonely unknown and into the warm, forgiving light of acceptance. Or something. Come to think of it, the lights only look warm from far away, and she knows that the actual city will seem far less welcoming. Still. Best not to imagine the worst when it’s already going well.

required reading for transfem lesbian sam fans. fics that live in your ribcage to make your heart feel good

Four People Ruby Seduced & One She Actually Fell For (Or: Ruby's Epic Love Affair with Humanity in General and Sam in Specific) by tuesday (3.7k)

In which Ruby has a lot of sex, is not any kind of therapist that would be legal, and helps a few people out for her own reasons. (S4/S5 AU)

for everyone out there who enjoys ruby being a girlboss <3

Fractured Link by Trell (orphan_account) (5.5k)

Meg goes on, resolute despite the way Dean flinches, "He likes me. He likes me a lot, and I like him back, and that's probably good enough for both of us. But fuck me for saying so, Dean-o, he loves you, probably more than anything else on his daddy's green Earth, and you need to man up and give back what Clarence over there has been devoting to you for years."

this is meg/dean/cas which is not smth i really seek out but this was extremely good. set in s7 so it’s meg and dean and honey cas and it’s a lot of dean figuring his shit out and trying to forgive cas and i love meg a lot in this

[avnkin]

Not What It Seems ( d.m )

Summary: Draco starts spreading rumours about you and you demand to know why.

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x fem!reader

Word Count: 2k ish

Warnings: angst and draco being mean

Author’s Note: here’s my first draco fic!!! i’m currently working on 4 others, one series, two requests and a one shot that i’m 8k words deep into,, please continue sending in requests i love hearing your ideas and writing them out!<3 PSA I wrote this in like an hour so it’s not my best work lmao I just wanted to post something since i’ve been so inactive (not my gif)

You and Draco had always had a sort of rivalry going on between the two of you. Everyday in class he’d throw a snide comment directed your way which you’d send right back with a remark of your own.

Everyone had gotten used it by now the teachers hardly bothering to intervene whenever you two were having one of your ‘arguments’ in class.

It had been a monday when the rumours had started. You’d been walking to your charms class when you noticed the abnormally large crowd of Slytherin girls stop and stare when you walked past, whispering in each other’s ears while they not so subtly pointed at you.

You’d thought nothing of it since most of those girls hated you and made damn sure you knew it so that wasn’t anything new, but the stares and giggles had continued on for the rest of the day and not just from the Slytherin’s but the other houses as well, what the hell was going on?

When you’d finally made it to your last class of the day you’d grown fairly sick of it. Hermione had taken a seat next you which was when you knew something was definitely up since she always sat next to Ron and you to Harry.

She’d given you a worried glance which you’d returned with one of confusion.

“Why is everyone acting so weird?” you finally asked noticing the lingering stares from your fellow classmates who quickly looked away whenever you made eye contact.

“I was actually coming to see if you knew” Hermione had hesitantly replied, shuffling uncomfortably in her seat.

“Knew? knew what” you inquired feeling the tiniest hint of nerves as you watched Hermione bite down on her, lip carefully contemplating her next words.

“There’s been this rumour... about you” Hermione cautioned, it was obvious she didn’t feel comfortable telling you this but you didn’t care continuing to press on her. 

“What rumour?”

“Well it’s just people have been saying that you’ve been- uh sleeping around” she spoke the last part of her sentence quietly as she looked down onto her lap “please don’t think I’m judging you, I would never do that what you do in your own time is entirely your business and no one else’s, it’s just to bad nobody at this school seems to be familiar with the word privacy- but anyways, I just wanted you to hear it from me rather then anybody else”

Your eyes widened at her words and you suddenly became very aware of the students that we’re still staring now knowing what they were thinking made it ten times worse.

“What? why would anyone think that” your voice wavered even though you felt like you knew exactly who had started the rumour, Malfoy.

He’d seen you with a fellow Slytherin boy the other night, you knew that because you’d made very awkward eye contact with the platinum blond once you’d entered they boys dormitories.

It hadn’t been anything like everyone seemed to think, but you couldn’t go telling people that you were sneaking around with a boy who was helping you cheat on your tests.

You hadn’t been doing well in school so you saw no harm in paying someone off to do your homework or work on spells that would enable him to talk to you during tests and tell you the answers. Your family was wealthy which was why you knew they wouldn’t question the missing money.

You figured that Draco had been watching you whenever you’d sneak into the Slytherin common room but decided to keep it to himself until today apparently.

When he walked into the classroom accompanied by his usual entourage, you gave him the deadliest stare you could muster which he only replied too with a wink.

It infuriated you that he’d been spreading such lies about you, who did he think he was? Even if you had been sleeping with the boy it wasn’t his or anyone else’s damn business.

Since the teacher had yet to arrive you angrily stood up stomping towards Draco, wanting to get more than a few things off of your chest.

When you finally stood in front of his desk you slammed both your hands down on the wooden surface causing him to turn towards you leaning back in his chair his signature smirk resting on his lips.

“Anything I can help you with Y/L/N” his voice was smooth, as if he didn’t have a care in the world, asshole.

“You can stop telling lies about me for starters” you chided, rolling your eyes once you heard the ‘oh’s’ from around you, clearly you’d caught the attention of the rest of the class.

“They’re not lies and you know it” he challenged now sitting up fully in his chair.

“Yes they are and why do you even care Malfoy? Are you jealous” that sentence seemed to throw him off as he uncomfortably shifted in his chair his body language changing in mere seconds.

That’s when you realized you’d hit a soft spot, smirking before continuing “oh I get it, that’s it, you’re in love with me aren’t you” you teasingly pouted leaning forward on his desk to rest your chin in your palm smiling innocently up at him.

A bright pink tint appeared on his cheeks as he took in a deep breath giving you a warning glare which you ignored even though you knew you were skating on thin ice.

“Poor Malfoy can’t even get the girl he likes”

That’s when he seemed to snap, quickly getting up pushing the chair from behind him causing it to almost fall to the floor but Zabini’s arm had caught it just in time.

He placed his fingers on the desk in front of him, all embarrassment seeming to fade off of him as he looked you up and down, his signature smirk now back on his lips.

“Believe me Y/L/N, I don’t want you and neither does anyone else so any guy who says he’s interested in you beyond just fucking you is full of shit”

You’d been expecting him to say a lot of things but not that. You stood frozen for a couple of seconds, this was probably the first time you couldn’t come up with anything to say.

His words had cut deep and the chortles from the students around you weren’t helping at all. You felt tears beginning to brim in the corner of your eyes but you didn’t dare let them fall, you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d hurt so you just shook your head before heading straight for the exit of the classroom.

“That was a low blow Malfoy, even for you” Hermione glared at him before hurriedly standing up and following you out into the hallway.

Draco didn’t melt into the cheers and laughter of his friends like he usually did, instead he sunk into his seat ignoring everyone around him.

He knew what he’d said wasn’t true but he’d been so blinded by jealousy when he saw you enter another boys dormitory that he’d gone to Blaise and told him that he wouldn’t be surprised if you would have gone through the entire Slytherin house by the end of the term.

He truly didn’t know why he did it and a sudden guilt creeped onto him as flashes off your hurt face lingered in his mind.

Tears were now fully falling down your cheeks, you felt embarrassed and humiliated, he’d given all the students yet another thing to gossip about without a care in the world.

“Y/N!” Hermione’s voice sounded from behind you causing to you quickly stop and turn around gladly accepting the comforting hug she engulfed you in as soon as she reached you.

“He’s full of shit Y/N don’t you dare let someone like him be the cause of your tears. You are so much more than his stupid comments believe me” you nodded letting her wipe away your tears.

You stayed out in the hallway for a couple more minutes but when you saw professor Snape walking past you, you didn’t feel like getting yelled at for being late as well so you and Hermione quickly followed after him.

As soon as you walked into the classroom all eyes were on you but you ignored them keeping your head held high as you walked back to your seat not daring to look over at Draco.

After class had finished you felt much better having spent your time with ‘the golden trio’ letting them cheer you up, your embarrassment long forgotten as the four of you made your way into the Great Hall for dinner.

You’d been walking behind them having been to caught up in your own thoughts when you felt a hand wrap around your wrist pulling you into an empty corner of the hallway along with them.

You let out a yelp as you were pressed against a wall a hand coming up to cover your mouth. You quickly looked up at your assailant only to be met with a pair of grey eyes you weren’t expecting to see, Draco.

“Calm down it’s just me”

You immediately pushed him off of you “Is that supposed to make feel better? God you’re such an arse” you scoffed attempting to walk away from him but he grabbed your arm again pulling you back in front of him.

“Y/N please hear me out” he pleaded, the mention of your first name startling you a bit, not once in all your years at Hogwarts had he called you Y/N.

“Y/N huh, that’s new” you folded your arms over your chest glaring up at him.

He ignored your words as he fiddled with his fingers clearly trying to think of an apology good enough for what he had said earlier.

“Shit, Y/N- I mean Y/L/N, I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have said that it was stupid, I-I hope you know I don’t actually think that, It’s just when I saw you with him I got so mad, I don’t know why I-I didn’t mean it-“

“You didn’t mean it? Well that sure as hell didn’t stop you from saying it in front of the entire bloody class” you cut him off now resting your hand on your hip.

“I know, I- I don’t know what to say except that I’m really sorry” he shook his head before he turned to walk away from you, but just as he was about to round the corner you called out after him.

“I’m sorry for what I said as well”

He stopped dead in his tracks before slowly making his way back to stand in front of you, you were now very much aware of how close the two of you were and you almost invontarily backed into the stone wall causing him to take another step towards you.

“Well you weren’t exactly wrong”

“Oh so you were jealous” you teased looking up at the platnium blond who already had his eyes glued on you a small smile resting on his lips

Instead of answering he surged forward pressing you even harder into the wall, his hands wrapping around your waist as his lips connected with yours.

Your eyes widened at his actions as you stood frozen against him which he seemed to notice after a couple of seconds quickly pushing himself off of you.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-” you cut him off by wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him down to meet your lips again.

He hungrily kissed you back his arms wrapping around your torso before travelling down to your hips pulling you even more into him.

“What on earth is going on here” professor McGonagall’s voice suddenly sounded from beside you causing the two of you to quickly jump away from each other.

“Oh- uhm sorry professor we were just- uhm” you tried to come up with an excuse turning your head towards Draco hoping he would help but he just stood frozen like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Detention, both of you for the next two weeks”

[theggning]

I Hate the Alternate Ending of Blind Betrayal, and Here's Why!

DISCLAIMER THE FIRST: Massive spoilers for Fallout 4 abound. This post discusses Blind Betrayal, a quest with suicide as a heavy theme. Content warning applies.

DISCLAIMER THE SECOND: This post discusses cut OFFICIAL content from Fallout 4 that has since been repurposed into multiple mods. I am not criticizing any modders or their implementations of this content. Mods are fun and people can enjoy whatever the hell kind of game experience they want with whatever mods they want.

I am ONLY interested in discussing the original cut content as Bethesda had written it, and how it would have impacted the story and lore of Fallout 4.

So, yeah, it seems there was originally going to be another way to conclude Blind Betrayal (BB).

As described in this Kotaku article (citing this post by Tumblr user tentacle-explosion,) there are unused audio files of Danse’s dialogue that show an alternate ending to his pivotal quest. These lines are the only evidence we have of this ending (suggesting that it was cut fairly early on, as no other actors/characters seem to have recorded for it.)

From what we can tell, in this alternate ending of BB, Danse comes up with a possible way out of the sticky situation re: his identity as a synth. According to the Brotherhood Litany, he is able to challenge Maxson’s authority as Elder via combat. If you agree to this idea, you go with Danse to challenge Maxson. The Paladin and the Elder duel one another, Danse wins, and Maxson dies. Then Danse names the Sole Survivor the new Elder-- or with a hard charisma check, you’re able to convince Danse to take the job himself. It is unknown how the main plot would have progressed beyond this point, as there is no other evidence of what being (or influencing) the Elder would have been like or what choices it would have given you.

There is understandable disappointment in learning that this ending was cut. Choices in games are great, and it could have been fun to have multiple different options for how to resolve the quest. In many gaming circles, people complain that this theoretical ending is superior to the one we got and shouldn’t have been axed. The Kotaku article calls it a “way better” ending, and you’ll see many players lamenting that it wasn’t implemented, saying Bethesda was bad at writing for cutting it, etc.

So why did Bethesda get rid of the Elder ending of BB?

In December 2020, after the Fallout 4 Cast Reunion, Danse’s voice actor Peter Jessop answered questions in a private signing session on his Instagram. Peter Jessop is an extremely kind and gracious man, an avid gamer, and a huge fan of Fallout. During the stream, he reflected on the alternate ending and remembered recording the lines, but stated the content was ultimately cut because Bethesda decided it was lore-breaking.

Peter Jessop is right. Bethesda was right. The Elder ending of BB is a bunch of dumb nonsense. It sucks, I hate it, and I’m glad they got rid of it. And now I’m going to tell you why!

SIDENOTE: King Shit of Fuck Mountain

There is no wrong way to play a single-player video game. If you are having fun, then you are accomplishing the task for which the game was made. Good for you! Play it on easy. Play it on hard. Mod it. Speedrun it. Make up an intricate roleplaying scenario. Perform “challenge” runs. Kill everybody you see. Ignore the story and run around collecting wheels of cheese. Games are meant to be fun and there is nothing wrong with enjoying a game however you damn well please. This is especially true for RPGs like Fallout, which are designed with player freedom in mind.

There is an RPG playstyle I like to call King Shit of Fuck Mountain: a naked power fantasy in which your protagonist is the most powerful person ever, even beyond normal RPG plot significance. Through brute strength, incredible charisma, or having completed tons of quests for world-breaking artifacts and weapons, your character wields godlike influence, able to control people, factions, and the fabric of the world itself. A game enables KSoFM gameplay when it allows the player limitless freedom to gain as much power as they like with zero consequences to plot or storytelling.

A great example of this is the Dragonborn in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. If the player chooses to pursue every questline in the game, one single person can become Harbinger of the Companions, Archmage of the College of Winterhold, Listener of the Dark Brotherhood, Nightingale and Guildmaster of the Thieves’ Guild, hero of the Imperial/Stormcloak army, the chosen one of like, 11 different Daedric princes, a bard, a Blade, and otherwise just, absurdly goddamn powerful in completely unrealistic ways. And that’s not counting DLCs. A fully-kitted-out Dragonborn is King Shit of Fuck Mountain.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with playing KSoFM if you like to. But I’m not a big fan of this style, personally. Sure, my first Skyrim character became KSoFM while I was figuring out the game, but after my first playthrough I preferred my characters become coherent figures in the story of the world. I pick one or two character traits and things that my Dragonborn is good at, focus on them, and make them part of some overall story. My honorable Imperial paladin werewolf is in the Companions, and hunts vampires on principle. My Argonian sneaky archer is a gleeful thief, but would never jive with the College or the Dark Brotherhood. I like creating protagonists who fit into these settings immersively. I don’t care about power fantasies or being in charge. I don’t WANT my character to be all-powerful, because that ruins my immersion and my little story.

Additionally, in a plot-driven story-focused game like Fallout, KSoFM tears the narrative apart. Skyrim is fairly light on story, so the Dragonborn can be the leader of the Companions and the Dark Brotherhood and whatever other factions without any of them noticing or caring. But FO4’s themes, faction drama, and the main thrust of the plot don’t work at all if the Sole Survivor is able to become too powerful or too influential. The Sole Survivor cannot become the leader of every faction, solve every problem, or eliminate every inconvenient bend of the conflict because it makes the lore of the entire setting implode. Thus, the game forces you to choose between factions. You cannot be with the Minutemen and the Nuka-World Raiders. You cannot be with the Railroad and the Institute. And you cannot become Elder of the Brotherhood of Steel.

So if you’re the kind of person who loves playing KSoFM, if you like plots that your character can “solve” with relative ease, or if you just think it would be super cool for your Sole to become Elder regardless of surrounding storytelling, then you might think the Elder ending sounds super cool. You are absolutely allowed to disagree with me here. Install all the mods and write all the fic and have all the headcanons you like. I respect that. There is no wrong way to enjoy a single-player video game. Have fun!

But if you’re a big nitpicky pedantic lore nerd like me, a fan of cohesive storytelling, or if you just want to hear how the Elder ending of BB absolutely fucking ruins Maxson, Danse, the Brotherhood of Steel, and the entire plot of FO4 from a narrative perspective, read on!

1. The Synth Thing

The Elder ending requires the stupid plot contrivance of the BoS forgetting about Danse’s synthhood.

One of the biggest problems with the BoS as an institution is their strict and dogmatic beliefs, which include a widespread dislike of non-human species. Perhaps more than any other non-humans, the BoS hates synths. Synths are, in their eyes, machines given free will, a violation of the sanctity of human life and the ultimate example of technology run amok. To them, synths are not sympathetic, they are not slaves, and they are not victims of circumstance. They are weapons that left unchecked will destroy all of humanity for a second time. Synths are anathema to everything the BoS stands for, and finding out that one of their most beloved and trusted Paladins is one is an earth-shattering blow to their integrity and sense of security.

It is completely absurd that the BoS would allow a synth within their ranks, particularly as they are waging war against the Institute, who created synths in the first place. It is even MORE absurd that they’d allow one to influence their Elder, or even worse, to become Elder. It completely undermines their mission in the Commonwealth, and the core tenets of their extremely rigid beliefs. No matter the Elder, no matter the Litany or obscure BoS law, no matter how valuable the Sole Survivor is as a soldier or how much influence they wield. Danse is a synth. He’s the enemy. He is physically the embodiment of everything they hate.

Not only wouldn’t they trust a synth in general, but the BoS specifically believes that Danse is an infiltrator for the Institute. Even Danse believes that he is a danger, that the Institute may be able to take control of him and use him as a weapon. Sure, we know none of this is actually true, or possible, but the BoS don’t know that. And given how quick they are to order Danse dead without even the possibility of surrender, I don’t think there’s any charisma in the world that’s going to convince them otherwise.

According to Peter Jessop, this, ultimately, is the reason why the Elder ending was cut. He talks about it around the 11:30 timestamp in his Instagram stream, linked above:

“We recorded an ending where you keep Danse alive and you take over the Brotherhood. But there was a question of content… there’s no way the Brotherhood, once they knew he was a synth, would let him be even the right hand of the person in charge.”

Bethesda correctly recognized the incredible narrative contrivance for the BoS to shrug off the reason they’re trying to execute Danse in the first place. Whatever other beefs I have with this ending conceptually, they all come in second to just what a big dumb leap it is to get beyond this first and most important problem.

2. The Complete Death of Conflict

The Elder ending of BB destroys the conflict of the quest, and potentially the conflict of the entire game.

Greed is a poison. There is no such thing as a perfect ideal or a perfect organization. Power corrupts. Humanity has the choice to build back better. War never changes. The Fallout games are full of themes, depicted by the characters and quests and factions we play out.

Blind Betrayal is rightfully praised as one of the most powerful quests in FO4. Not only is it well-acted, but it puts the player in a very difficult position. The BoS has given you clout and glory and free power armor and lots of firepower, but now you see the price: unquestioning obedience. You are ordered to execute your friend and mentor Danse for the mere fact he is a synth. Are you going to follow that unjust order? Are you willing to give up your principles on command? Or is this where you can no longer stay quiet and stay in line?

To be honest, I’ve always thought the fact you can talk Maxson out of killing Danse but still remain with the BoS in good standing was a cop-out. BB goes 90% of the way to forcing you to choose between a companion and a faction, and then chickens out at the last second to let you have both, if your charisma is high enough.

(I believe this has the fingerprints of Skyrim’s development on it-- Bethesda’s writers got nervous about doing another Paarthurnax choice involving the fan favorite Brotherhood of Steel. That’s right. Danse is the Paarthurnax of Fallout. Frankly, I understand why they chose not to go there, but damn, wouldn’t it have been wild? You want to run with the BoS? Then kill your friend and feel the burn. THIS is what it means to follow orders without question.

As for me, I’d pick Danse every time and sleep soundly without the company of shitty bootlicking dieselpunk LARPers- but I digress.)

Anyway, you know what would have REALLY been a copout? If the game asked you to make a difficult thematic storyline choice, and you solved the problem by just not choosing at all.

You are supposed to feel uncomfortable when Maxson orders you to kill Danse, because the game is telling a story about how it is maybe a bad thing to thoughtlessly follow orders without question. It is asking you to think about what the BoS is, what they are doing, and how they are going to run things, if you choose to let them “win” the Commonwealth. It is pointing out that there is no room for gray in the BoS’ black and white. That a good, loyal man may die because of the way he was made, through no action of his own. That soon, you’ll be killing other people on command. The Railroad. Fleeing Institute synths and scientists. Others, down the line. It all depends on who’s giving the orders. Are you going to follow those orders?

Eesh, that sounds thought-provoking and unpleasant and difficult! Let’s just skip it by killing Maxson and making ourselves the boss. Now we get to tell everybody else what to do!

It’s unknown what powers the Elder ending would have granted the player, or how it would have interacted with the other factions. There is speculation that you’d have been able to ease back on the BoS’ dogmatism, or change some of the later events of the game. For instance, perhaps you could talk the BoS down from attacking the Railroad, sparing popular characters like Glory and Deacon who must die in the normal BoS storyline. Perhaps you could have made the BoS a kinder, gentler faction and directed them to run the way you want them to.

If this was indeed the case, then the Elder ending would not only suck the gravitas out of BB, but torpedo the entire main plot.

If you can get rid of any and all downsides to siding with the BoS, why in the hell would players side with anybody else? With the player given total power, the BoS becomes a perfect faction with no drawbacks, no weaknesses, no tough decisions to be made. Screw slumming it with the Railroad or the Minutemen, let’s take over the BoS. Free power armor and a giant robot! Forget the whole intolerance thing, I hereby proclaim the BoS No Longer Problematic! Now to force all the factions to get along, completely removing all conflict and nuance from the plot!

That’s some real anticlimactic “tell Legate Lanius to go home and then he does it” bullshit right there. King Shit of Fuck Mountain!

Look, it might be nice if there was a perfect path like that to take through the game. It would be cool if our characters could be that powerful and the game was that tailored to our individual choices. On the other hand, “I change all the factions to suit my exact liking” might be a fun idea for a fanfic, but it’s an incredibly boring plot for a video game. “I get to make everything in the world exactly how I want it” is Minecraft, not a story-driven RPG with a complex and intricate plot.

It would be great if complex conflicts could really be solved that easily and effortlessly, but hey, you know what? War never changes.

3. The Assassination of Arthur Maxson (Literal)

Arthur Maxson’s death is too significant and fundamentally disastrous for the Elder ending to make any sense at all.

Hero, villain, leader, monster, tortured soul, brutal dictator, immature twerp, bearded sex hunk. However you personally interpret Arthur Maxson, there is no denying that he is a venerated, popular, beloved figure in the BoS. He is the blood heir of the organization’s founder, a powerful warrior, a brilliant tactician, and a charismatic negotiator. He is responsible for reuniting the East Coast BoS with the Outcasts, leading the new, stronger BoS with a sense of shared purpose. There is a damn good reason his name is Arthur and he named his ship The Prydwen, echoes of King Arthur and the legends of his glorious kingdom of Camelot. Arthur Maxson is so beloved that many view him as a demigod, a messiah sent to lead the BoS into a mighty and prosperous future.

So I’m sure nobody’s going to be upset when some wasteland jackass recruited a month ago stumbles in with a synth, kills him, and takes over his job. Right?

It doesn’t matter that it’s “honorable.” It doesn’t matter that it’s done “by the book” via obscure BoS rules. There is no codex or litany or rule so binding that it’s going to overcome the cult of personality around Maxson. There is no way that the BoS is going to accept the death of Arthur Maxson, a man whose reverence borders on worship, especially not when he is immediately replaced by a wastelander, or a synth.

The death of Arthur Maxson removes the unifying glue that’s been holding the BoS together since mending the rift with the Outcasts. Maxson’s death eliminates the one person that both sides of that conflict agreed could steer the organization in the right direction. Some level heads may try to keep the focus on the mission and the Brotherhood tenets, but Maxson loyalists will never forgive the new Elder for his death, and that amount of passionate righteous anger will not be quelled by appeals to the rules. The new Elder’s war on the Institute is basically over before it begins, when the forces splinter and start infighting over the change in leadership.

And this is if the new Elder lives long enough to actually give any orders. I give them around 24 hours after the duel before some angry Maxson loyalist “accidentally” pulls the trigger and “tragically” empties a clip into their back.

24 seconds, if it’s Elder Danse, the dirty synth abomination.

4. The Assassination of Arthur Maxson (Figurative)

The Elder ending of BB falsely pretends that Arthur Maxson is the biggest and only problem with the BoS.

In the Elder ending, as written, the conflict of BB is considered completely and totally solved by the death of Arthur Maxson. The core problem, that Danse is a synth and considered an enemy by the BoS, has not gone away. But by getting rid of Maxson, this apparently no longer matters. Nobody else is going to take offense to Danse’s nature or protest his presence. Nobody else is going to attack him or try to follow through with Maxson’s prior orders. Nope, that meanybutt guy who gave the order is gone, and everybody else is going to welcome Danse back into the fold like nothing ever happened.

I touched on this a little bit on an ask about Maxson a few weeks back, but a lot of people seem to believe that the FO4 Brotherhood of Steel is the way they are purely because of him. That he is the one making them treat non-humans as second class citizens at best, and enemies to be slaughtered at worst. That it’s his fault the BoS is so vehemently against synths and the Institute. That he is the one influencing their imperialistic tendencies, and treating the Commonwealth like territory to be conquered and people to be ruled over by their betters.

He’s not. That’s the Brotherhood of Steel, guys.

The charitable, altruistic, virtuous BoS that many of us met for the first time in FO3 were outliers. Lyons’ group was literally disowned by the rest of the faction because their kindness to wastelanders had gone so far astray from the “core” tenets. The BoS as a whole has always been exclusive, isolated, and seen themselves as “superior” to the average wastelander. They have long disliked or outright hated non-humans (and even Lyons’ BoS in FO3 use ghouls, feral or not, for “target practice” if they get too close!) The rigid dogmatism of the BoS is not something that Arthur Maxson started, but has always been part of their fabric.

Now, it’s true that Maxson is absolutely going hard on the BoS tenets, and extremely dedicated to upholding them. His BoS are the way they are and act the way they act because he believes that this is the way it should be. Is it possible that a different leader may be a little more flexible? Absolutely. Could a skilled Elder eventually show them the benefits of a softer approach and a more generous worldview? Totally. Is getting rid of Maxson and replacing him going to make that happen overnight, or going to make the rest of the BoS who supported him shrug and follow suit?

Nope.

Blaming Arthur Maxson for everything unsavory about the Brotherhood is unfair to him and also foolishly ignoring the deep, massive problems that are far older than he is-- problems that plenty of its members wholeheartedly believe are not problems at all. Getting rid of Maxson does not make the BoS kinder or gentler. Even pretending Maxson isn’t as personally beloved as he is, any new Elder who steps in and starts trying to fundamentally alter the way the BoS operates and what they believe in is going to face some major, immediate pushback.

Like, a full clip of bullets in the back type of pushback.

In the face if it’s Elder Danse, the godless freak of nature.

5. The Un-Redemption of Paladin Danse

Last, and my personal least favorite!

At first glance, Paladin Danse is a steely jackboot, a die-hard Brotherhood loyalist who fully and firmly believes in their cause. Many immediately dismiss him as a humorless brute, or completely ignore him because they think that’s all there is. But if you spend any time with Danse at all, you’ll notice a sort of weariness in him. He is tired, overworked, and his years of service are starting to weigh on him. He has watched friends, comrades, and mentors die in horrible and gruesome ways, and he suffers from PTSD. Though he has always been told that his own sacrifices, the sacrifices of his brothers and sisters have been” worth it,” he’s starting to question if that’s true.

After telling of the incident where he personally executed his best friend Cutler, who’d been turned into a super mutant, the Sole Survivor is able to console him:

Player Default: You did the right thing. Danse: {Somber} It's what I was taught. I don't know if it was right.

This line is an excellent summary of Danse’s entire character arc. He learns to question whether to believe what the Brotherhood has taught him, or to believe in himself. His gut feelings. His sense of justice and his own ideas of what’s right and wrong.

(In the interest of not turning this into an essay about Danse’s character, I won’t even get into how this also applies to his beliefs about his worth as a person. But keep in mind, that dimension is there, Danse just covers it up by making everything about the Brotherhood.)

During Blind Betrayal, after getting the orders to execute him and hearing Haylen’s plea for mercy, we may expect Danse to be ready to fight back or flee. But when you confront him in the bunker at Listening Post Bravo, he’s compliant and suicidal. Danse is so deeply poisoned by the BoS’ rhetoric that his own feelings or will to live don’t factor into the conversation. He demands that you follow your orders and execute him, because he believes, as the BoS does, that all synths are dangerous and must be destroyed.

Danse: {Stern} Synths can't be trusted. Machines were never meant to make their own decisions, they need to be controlled. Technology that's run amok is what brought the entire world to its knees and humanity to the brink of extinction.

{Confident} I need to be the example, not the exception.

Through various dialogue options, if your charisma is high enough, you are able to talk Danse off the ledge. He is able to consider, at least, that the BoS’ merciless judgment of him is wrong and that what he was taught isn’t right. He is a thinking, feeling, self-aware synth, and that makes him as much a person as any human. Danse is no danger to humanity-- and maybe, most synths aren’t either.

Danse is an example, not an exception.

Later on, if you manage to get him out of BB alive, Danse shows further acceptance of his nature. His approvals about synths begin to soften slightly (or many of them do, at least… it’s not perfect.) He is still struggling with his identity and reconciling it with his former hatred, but his dialogue suggests that he’s on the road to being more open-minded and understanding. Along with this, Danse learns that he has value as a person beyond the Brotherhood. He no longer needs to define himself with BoS beliefs or judge himself by how useful he is to them. He learns that he is worth caring about, worth being friends with or being loved because of who he is-- not what he is, in any regard.

[SIDENOTE: Many players, myself included, are frustrated that Danse’s arc leaves off sort of midstream there. Due to the open-ended nature of the game, we don’t get a real conclusion to his arc-- even though much of his idle dialogue doesn’t change and he still espouses pro-BoS sentiments ( an unfortunate by-product of writing for a video game) there is every indication that he’s started down the right path, but understandably has a ways to go.

Also, Peter Jessop agrees with us.]

Meanwhile, in the Elder ending, Danse doesn’t get a redemption. His entire character arc, actually, hits the skids and does a total 180.

He never leaves the BoS. So scratch the need for Danse to ever think about himself as separate from them. He never needs to question what they’ve taught him or whether they’re right or wrong. He never needs to find any worth in himself beyond his use to the BoS. Why would he? He might be the Elder. The BoS is all he needs to care about anymore. The BoS is all he ever needs to be, ever again.

And I think, most horrifying of all, this Danse never needs to change his mind about synths. On the contrary, one of the surviving dialogue files includes Danse’s speech to reassure the rest of the BoS of his stance:

Danse: I want to make one thing clear to everyone. This body might be synth, but my heart and mind belong to the Brotherhood. The Institute is still a tremendous threat to the Commonwealth. They possess technologies that need to be confiscated or destroyed. And even if that means I have to pull the trigger on my own kind, I’m willing to make that sacrifice.

Elder ending Danse doesn’t grow more understanding on the nature of synths. He doesn’t accept that synths are people, or anything more than technology run amok. He won’t even accept that for himself. Elder Maxson wasn’t wrong about synths-- they’re the enemy and they need to be destroyed.

But, see, he was wrong about Danse. It’s okay for Danse to exist in spite of his nature. It’s okay for him to never fully accept his own personhood, and to outright deny it to his kind. Because his body is a machine, but he’s different from the rest because his heart and mind belong to the Brotherhood.

He’s the exception, not the example.

CONCLUSION:

The Elder ending of Blind Betrayal is dumb, contrived, stakeless, character-derailing powergaming crap at its finest and I’ll happily dance on its grave.

People give Bethesda a lot a shit for their writing-- whether it be stuff they left out, stuff they left in, or stuff that they never, ever could have made work due to the limitations of writing for a video game. Plenty of it is well-deserved, or at least worth a discussion. But from the minute I found out about its existence, I have always wanted to extend a congratulations to Bethesda for cutting the alternate Elder ending of Blind Betrayal. It was a good choice. A very good choice to cut a very dumb plot that would have fundamentally altered the story they were telling, and characters that I’ve grown to love. I think the writers deserve some credit and a hearty handshake for the wisdom of this decision.

Now as for why Nick Valentine isn’t romanceable--

[apopcornkernel]

#but I'm-- yes this is undoubtedly a loose continuation to last night's fic so I'm just. wondering how this all ends. #because it's just. so cheating with the LS is always curious because the one who is being cheated on knows they aren't being cheated on #but they also know that the other doesn't know they aren't cheating #so it always leaves room for a whole lot of angst and conflicted feelings and such even like this #so like would Marinette reveal she's Ladybug? probably not as she hasn't done it here but why and what does that mean to their relationship #will Adrienette's marriage suffer for it -- probably yes -- will he keep seeing Ladybug -- also yes? #how can she comparmentalize all that and which of him will leave a bigger impression? (mia′s tags on illicit)

@miabrown007 u raise many many good points!! i actually have a couple ideas for some more short scenes in this au (currently have one with adrienette interacting over an awkward dinner and marinette trying not to act overly familiar, another w ladybug being gravely wounded and just stumbling into adrien’s room n passing out (and maybe adrien would recognize the scar from the wound on marinette in another ficlet?? I DONT KNOW BUT I HAVE IDEAS god this thing truly has me in a chokehold)). and like, i don’t think i’ll delve into the angsty possibilities as much because at my core i am but WEAK and TRASH for soft things, so if there would ever be any angst it would be about having to keep it secret, not about the cheating. and i know that issue could be solved by a reveal but marinette still doesn’t think she should (for reasons i might. Might explore further if i end up writing something that deals w that). and i could see adrienette agreeing that theyre both in love w other people, and that it’s alright because it’s only arranged - i can really see adrien saying this to marinette up front bc he doesn’t want to give her false hope - except, ofc, adrien doesnt know that the person marinette loves is him but marinette knows that the person adrien loves is HERSELF!!! mmmmmmmmm i just love identity shenanigans you can really tell

re reveal, i also think that a huge deciding factor on whether or not ladybug would reveal her identity would be gabriel/hawkmoth, bc as long as gabriel’s still in power it’s vv risky. like, i havent made it obvious here (because i was too busy writing them being soft and kissing) but the miraculouses DO exist, it just manifests into more fantasy-style things like the armor and (altho unmentioned) her sword. so marinette doesn’t know if gabriel could send out akumas after her; she doesn’t know what he’s fully capable of with akumas. so for all she knows, he could use akumas to spy on her (or adrien) ala optigami, and she may be willing to risk being seen with adrien because at least adrien’s safer, with all his royal retinue (and hawkmoth strangely almost never targets the royal family), but she’s NOT willing to risk her identity and how that might lead to hawkmoth directly targeting her family and loved ones who are more vulnerable, if that makes sense? (and also i feel like i should clarify, no one knows gabriel is hawkmoth although marinette suspects, but gabriel as king also declared ladybug a criminal on vv shaky reasons. think “we don’t know what she could do with her powers” or “she’s not sanctioned by the kingdom” etc, but it’s like with superhero vigilantes, the people love her too much and so they don’t turn her in)

so like. yeah that’s some of the thoughts i have on this au, thank u mia for ur tags enabling me to ramble 🙏

[theringers]

V-card anon: hi sorry about that first ask i kinda went into a fugue state (spelling?) altered state of reality maybe when i wrote that and damn near outlined a fic in your inbox

The way we played hot seat was either part of a larger drinking game when a certain card was pulled from a deck, or just on it's own. You sit in a circle, everyone has a drink, usually a beer or cider. In the card pull version, the one who pulls the card gets asked a question by every person playing and if they refuse to answer they drink from their drink. In the standalone, you do that but everyone gets a turn being asked until people get bored and leave. Fun way to find out shit about people. Usually the unwritten rule is that you can't lie. I imagine everyone sitting on shitty chouches and chairs in a semi circle around a table full of cups and bottles playing it

Questions i have been asked: are you a top or bottom? Do you like anal? Wheres the weirdest place you've fucked? Body count? Favorite position (sexual)? Fuck marry kill/ignore people in this room (EVERY TIME I PLAYED I GOT THIS QUESTION)? Tits or ass or other? Favorite non sexual body part ex. Thigh? Ideal fuck buddy? Sex regrets? Etc

Also more weird details i have head cannoned out for some drivers and most likely does not fit with irl personalities, do with this what you will, use it or don't i just have feelings. Also everyone is like compressed in age to like 20-27ish except for some of the grid who i will just think of as younger alumns who come back:

Danny R: social chair, owns a jeep he takes the doors off of in the summer, walks girls home at night to make sure they're ok, tries to DJ house events and is rebuffed by literally everyone, has like 30 pairs of vans you trip over in his room, stolen roadsigns everywhere, masters in something arigcultural or physiological, cutoff frat shirts for days, fuckboy but nice, a bit cringe, will drive around with you at night so you can scream, met reader bc she had a band tee on and wanted to talk to her about it (no gatekeeping)

Charles: some kind of engineering or math degree but no one has any idea how the fuck he's gotten so far, 4.0 never studies, games with other house members, will show up at events randomly you will have no idea how he gets on your couch but he is there, the best and worst taste in clothes, is the only one allowed to play the piano in the house, sweet, cannot help you with studies but is always down for helping you out after, has to be reminded to clean stuff, disaster bi, reader met his gf first and they probably met through that

Pierre: good fashion and music taste, shirt is gone halfway through the night, also fuckboy but wholesome, actually studies, plays a sport for sure probably soccer in some way either club or Division he's too good for rec, will hold your hair back so you can throw up, will tell you your outfit sucks, good at math, also part of the squad that games, econ major, workout buddies with reader anday have taken a math class together

Max: is part of the hockey team he will go pro, also actually studies, got into gaming because of Charles, has the nicest car, is serious until he gets a couple drinks in him, he and Daniel are close and roomed together at some point, owns like 30 sets of the same outfit a white tee and jeans, knows reader through Dan and they get dragged by him to some of the same stuff

Lando: is a pledge or new member his big is Carlos, undeclared major, just happy to be here, gaming squad, used to play lacrosse or something equally obscure, king of knowing where the good snacks are, weirdly good at beer pong, growing into a fuckboy wholesomeness level tbd, probably sweet with reader as she helped him through a blackout or something, met her because she's basically house mom for some of the new boys (the kind of mom who will teach you to do laundry or iron ONCE)

Carlos: hockey flow but does not play hockey, actually studies and is smarter than what people give him credit for, came from a private high school and uni really opened his horizons, also good study buddy, gets along with most people, goes to office hours the most out of the actually studies gang, fun at parties, owns the frat dogs, he and reader met at Office hours (they were the only students) and found they had mutual friends too

Lewis: is/was president of frat, great grades greater bod, did full evolution from fuckboy to good man, has the back tests and the moral support, up for late noght talks about life, definitely was a D1 athlete, best fashion game, implemented no hazing policy, fits into notable alum or PhD category

Mick: undergrad like Lando, also plays soccer or something, too sweet, also walks girls home/holds your hair back etc, cleans parts of the house that aren't his responsibility, higher alcohol tolerance than you expect, everyone is bizarrely protective of him, legacy member (his dad was a legend), drives a motorbike around campus and can't decide between law and psychology, actually studies, met reader through the frat and she would die for him, brings her to class on the bike sometimes because the bike is faster

George: business major, frat treasurer, three ring binder business casual in class kind of guy, nice enough, shirt comes off when drunk, runs marathons and a podcast about investments, best notes in the game and great study partner, actually studies, is drinking monster at 6AM but not because he stayed up late, he and reader met through the frat and sometimes drink wine and bitch together

Lance: hockey player, legacy member, studies sometimes, sarcasm on point, great at stack cup, very chill, knows every good nap spot on campus, also has high alcohol tolerance, is the kind of person who does well in the cold but does not like it, wears headphones so people don't talk to him, great one on one but not in crowds, business major and minor in computer science, probably also met thru Lance's gf but vibe as more introverted people and will cover for each other if one does not want to go out

Nicky: a good boy, part of the walks people home squad, sets up designated drivers for parties, good snack game, future in medical field, good listener, pretty good study buddy, midnight snack enabler, met reader through frat and his gf he and reader are on babysitting duty together sometimes when others get too drunk/high

Yuki: also a pledge or new, majoring in games or computer science as they gave me the same energy as him, games squad, bit of a mad lad, has several stolen street signs, good, met reader through frat and Yuki is the only one patient enough to explain some games to reader, they cuss people out on mic

Esteban: good man, has a full ride scholarship, actually studies, also good study buddy, Dan's little, plays soccer but maybe on a rec team because he prioritizes school, very sweet guy as well, probably chose a really practical major/dual major, met reader through Dan and are also dragged similar places by him

Antonio: manbun, philosophy or classics major possibly business dual, generally good natured but can be seen supplying his own wine at parties, used to be really into metal but kept the hair, does not know that people find him attractive, soccer boi, met reader through frat and she's the only one who will (pretend) to listen to him rant about philosophy

Alex Albon: another full scholarship guy, somehow gets along with everyone, switched majors due to an asshole professor, electrical engineering or computer engineering, actually studies, helps with frat pets,will show you pictures of his cats at home, sweetie, another contender for will hold your hair or walk you home, probably met reader through a class or club and found they had mutual friends and that reader is friends with his gf

Notable alums:

Checo - dad, successful in finance somehow (he looks like an really successful accountant of CFO to me idk why)

Kimi - dad but people forget he is, holds the record for most drinks in 24 hours that will never be come close to by anyone else, shows up on random alum weekends with 2 kegs, legally cannot tell you what he does or he would actually have to murder you

Valterri - was good at a sport when he was there, now a very effective lead engineer at an architectural firm

Seb - environmental or mechanical engineering, all around good guy with someone the best grades in frat history

Alonso - legendary for sexual exploits (consensual)

Anyone I put as actually studies is probably the type reader would hang around for more serious stuff/schoolwork and would probably be closer to, with the exception of Dan bc I feel like he'd be like we're friends now :)) we shall hang or Charles bc he will just show up. I also imagine she has a pretty good friendship with any existing gf, however if a driver does have a gf and he is the love interest sorry bb girl u gotta go for the purposes of this fic

Sorry this is so long hahaaaaaaa glad you liked my Charles thoughts ilu

i honestly wasn’t going to share this like the rest of the anon asks i’ve gotten that i keep close to my heart but this was just too good to keep to myself.

LOOK! AT! THIS!

f1 drivers as frat bros/college students headcannon

i’m writing a series - each “chapter” will be a smut with a different frat bro and i’m hoping to post a sneak peek this week some time but here’s something to hold you over and give you some ideas

to my vcard anon - i appreciate this so much. my inbox is always open for ur thoughts bc they are SO GOOD !! can’t wait for you to read the first part of the series bby

PS if some of this doesn’t make sense to u feel free to send in asks (i know a lot of this is focused on american college culture so if u don’t get it i’m happy to explain)

[siancore]

Hi Siancore, how’s your day? I wanted to ask how you write Sambucky Fanfics. Because I want to write a Sambucky chapter book, and I don’t really know how to write their personalities. Can you please help if not it’s ok. Thanks have a good day/night☺️

Hey. I’m doing okay today. Thank you for asking. I hope you’re well! 

I’m happy to help you by going through how I write:

1. Their personalities 2. Chaptered fics

Firstly, I have drawn a lot from their 616 personalities as well as the little we’ve seen on screen pre-FATWS.

Let’s start with Sam. Some personality traits, attributes, and skills:

- Care-giver

- Compassionate

- Empathetic

- Adrenaline junkie 

- Risk-taker

- Smart

- Charming

- Funny

- Staunch 

- Physical prowess 

Next, Bucky:

- Protector

- Morbid/wry sense of humour

- Self-deprecating

- Intuitive

- Caring 

- Funny

- Dangerously skillful 

- Empathetic 

- Flirty

- Driven 

Now, some mannerism that you should include:

- Sam crosses his arms over his chest when he is making a point

- Bucky narrows his eyes when he is concentrating 

- Sam’s smile is bright

- Bucky’s smile makes his eyes crinkle at the corners

- Sam isn’t a fast runner, and Bucky never runs fast when he is with Sam

- Sam can fly, but choses to run (slowly) with Bucky

- They have been protective of one another in the heat of battle using their own physicality 

- Both are super precise with their attacking and parrying 

- Both have looked at one another with heart-eyes (it’s canon!)

- Both love to bicker with the other

Let’s now look at story structure:

Your overall goal: What story do you want to tell? What happens? How does it end?

For story ideas, this is the structure I follow:

1. Orientation: Who? Where? When?

2. Complication: Situation that causes difficulty for one or more of the characters.

3. Resolution: How the characters navigate the difficulty; how it has changed them.

4. Ending (optional): How they have learned from the changes.

For chapter outlines, I make sure to cover the following:

1. Setting/Time

2. Characters - main and background

3. Problem/Difficulty

4. Solution

I then use plot points as a chapter outline. By elaborating on the plot points (a paragraph per point - 250 words, give or take), I flesh out my story. Points are what you want to explore in the chapter, the story is the details that stem from the points i.e. what characters are doing/feeling/saying.

For writing in general, set a schedule. Word count goals are useful, too e.g. setting a goal for yourself to write 2 paragraphs of your story per day. If you stick to a standard chapter (2,500-3,000 words), writing 2-3 paragraphs per day, and then editing and proofreading on the weekend, means you could have an update posted each week.

Please keep in mind the following:

- Motivation to write will fluctuate

- Finding inspiration can sometimes be difficult

Don’t force it! Your story will come to you. Take your time. Allow yourself to be happy with what you have come up with before you share it.

Here’s a little example for you, if you wanted to tell a short multi-chapter romcom fluff fic about SamBucky being shy about asking one another on a date, you might flesh your idea out like this using plot points:

Overall Goal: Sam wants to ask Bucky out on a date, but he’s not had much success in the dating game for a while. They like one another, but both are shy and out of practice. Fluff ensues.

Chapter 1:

 - Meet cute through mutual friend

 - Instant attraction

 - Shyness

 - Difficulty: Not being confident enough to make their move

Chapter 2:

 - Mutual pining

 - Running into one another again

 - General awkwardness

 - Talking about their crush to their mutual friend

 - Being persuaded by friend to act on feelings

 - Difficulty: Misunderstanding - thinking their feelings are not reciprocated

Chapter 3:

 - Getting to spend some time together without help of mutual friend

 - Flirting

 - Playful banter

 - Finding that they are a good match

 - Crushing on one another even more

 - Awkwardness about the previous misunderstanding

 - Finally asking the other person out

 - Date is confirmed! Yay!

Chapter 4:

 - Excited about date

 - Nervous about the date

 - Worrying they will screw it up

 - The obligatory scene where a good friend helps them get ready

 - Actual date

 - Climax, ending in a kiss, another date, time jump to their wedding etc.

With your plot points, you can elaborate on them, and have your story flowing sequentially. Each point can end up being at least two paragraphs (around 250 words each). Always have your ending worked out, and use your plot points to get there.

Remember to follow your narrative structure in each chapter by setting the scene and showing which characters are involved.

Good dialogue enables you to show what is happening in your scene through your characters.

Space your ideas out and decide on which scenes you want to detail in each chapter. Don’t try to do too much! You don’t want your chapter to be convoluted; you don’t want impactful scenes to be lost because too much is happening.

Your first sentence of each chapter should grab your reader, and your final sentence should leave them wanting more.

One strategy that works for me when I need to flesh out an idea is to write the scene (plot point) as if it’s a recount I am telling someone. I then go back through the recount, and change it so it fits the narrative structure. For example, if we used the above story idea, the outline for Chapter 1 could look like this:

 - SamBucky met through mutual friend, Steve.

 - They hadn’t been known to one another before, but found one another very attractive. 

- Both were shy, and a little out of practice since they had not dated with much success after their long-term relationships had broken down.

 - Bucky thought Sam was smart, pretty, funny, easy-going. 

- Sam thought Bucky was charming, handsome, kind, easy to talk to. 

- Sam thought about asking him out.

 - He thought about asking Sam out.  

- They both wanted to see one another again, but was it too soon? They had only just met.

 - There was an opening for one to ask the other on a date, but lack of confidence got in the way 

- They missed their opportunity

All of these can be expanded on and fleshed out with: - Details about setting - What characters are thinking - What characters are feelings - What they are saying - What complications arise - How, if at all, it is resolved

Basically, if you know where you want your characters to end up, and you know which part of your story you want to focus on in which chapter, all you have to do is provide the details.

Chapter titles help with this, as well:

Chapter 1: The Meet Cute

Chapter 2: He’s Just Not that into Me?

Chapter 3: A Good Match

Chapter 4: Oh My Gosh, I have Nothing to Wear!

Here are a few more tips I can think of: 

- Try to have a writing/updating schedule. 

- Set a daily goal to write at least one paragraph of your story, and at least one conversation. 

- Watch fanvids for inspiration. 

- Talk to other writers in forums. 

- Read! Read! Read! See what other fic writers are doing well and learn from them. 

 I hope this helps. Happy writing!

[solrosan]

solrosan’s fandom year 2021

Few years have been more exhausting and emotionally draining for me personally than 2021 (yes, it was worse than 2020) so sitting down to do this was pretty daunting. But it was alright. So many good memories from the year that just ended come from fandom spaces and people I've met through fandom. Thank you, all of you, new and old! You're so important to me and you really helped me through last year.

2021 was also my 10th year in online fandom, which is wild, considering I thought I'd be tired of it after 3 months. I'll try to keep mentions of this to a minimum, since none of the things actually happened in 2021, but in 2011. It is however 10 years since I posted my first fic (and wrote my first fic in English! (Please tell me my English has improved since then!)) and 10 years since I met @zedille which are two very important anniversaries!

Now, with that wordier-than-normal intro...

2021 was the year that I...

...really dove into (fell into?) k-drama land

...continued to have Netflix parties with @elletromil and @insanereddragon

...drank a lot of wine over Zoom with @elletromil

...started buying DVD boxes again because I really don't trust Netflix

...signed up for AND FINISHED NaNoWriMo

...was blown away by the talented @revolutionaryjo and @rhea314 turning two of my fics into podfics (Thank you!)

...once thought of as so far into the future that I made it the posting date on my LJ-sticky post

...went to the opera and decided that it's the best form of cultural experience there is

(all while wildly ignoring that it might be related to that it was the first cultural thing I experienced outside of my flat in almost 18 months)

...accidentally tricked TripAdvisor into sending me tips about my trip to Busan

...took part in the Chocolate Box challenge Round 6 and nominated fandoms for Round 7

...transcribed a Danish/Swedish interview

...tried to write fanfiction in Swedish about Young Royals, but failed miserably

...came up with a few titles that I'm really proud of

(it's this series)

...spent time planning a trip to Malta with @spectralarchers and @ohmystarsy because of reasons

(girls can dream, can't they?)

...got offended by Grace & Frankie calling 4 episodes a season

...bought noise cancelling head phones

...learned there is such a thing as a discord sprint bot

...truly realised how much West Wing has affected my writing

...thought it was a good idea to rewatch Weiss Kreuz

...gave up on finishing Weiss Kreuz

...watched Supernova with @stronglyobsessed

...started to refer to a youtuber as "my influencer" in everyday conversation

(I am not ashamed of this)

...created yet another sideblog @sunflowerisme to just fill with pretty pictures

(I am a little ashamed of this)

...fell in love with one of my own OCs (again)

...discovered the true meaning of comfort media

...out-angst myself and spent weeks just writing fluff

...beta read a few fics in various stages of being posted/finished/abandoned

...thought downloading Duolingo was a good idea

(reason for this: see the first bullet)

(I have moved on to almost exclusively revise my Japanese at this point)

...finally got to take a friend's kid to the Vasa museum

...rediscovered the joy of loving a piece of media without needing to write fic for it (and then wrote fic for it)

...didn't run a Femslash February event

...made a tie-in article to @blau-s's wonderful fic El monstruo en la almohada

...wrote quite a few fics in the AO3 comment section (I dare you to go and find them!)

And speaking of AO3! In 2021...

I published 49 689 words

split over 17 fics and 5 fandoms

Disarming Touches got the most hits

...and the most kudos

An Unbreakable Sword Broken got the most comment threads

My favourite fic is probably Mourning a Demon but I need to give The Broken Place a very special shout out because I have lived in that universe for months and written more than 60k about it. (Another special shout out to @blau-s for being a fantastic enabler!)

The fic I read that meant the most to me is Before There was Zero by @sadviper. The fic is a fantastic, well-written pre-canon character study that I fell for completely. Then, in the comments, I made a friend who welcomed me to the fandom where I've spent most of this pandemic year. Thank you!

Oh, and I can't close the AO3 section without mentioning that @insanereddragon posted fic again!

This is my most reblogged Tumblr post for 2021, because Tumblr is predictable that way.