#they know each other’s identities here in case that wasnt obvious

[thwackk]

tired of batman always being carried by superman, when is it batman’s turn to hold the big man? also i have a headcannon that clark weighs way way less than he looks because he flies and idk it just makes sense to me

[lu-is-not-ok]

the thing I find the most interesting about Walpurgis Night is how in Dante's Notes, it says that Faust explained that the IDs and E.G.Os extracted are of those that are important to not only the sinners but also to Limbus Company as a whole. Which is interesting for 2 our of 3.

Faust makes sense, she made Mephi, she is sorta the leader of the sinners, she works with Vergil and was there for his "recruitment" and has high level access than Dante. She is very important to both the sinners and the comoany.

Hong Lu at first might not make sense but could. Obviously he is a sinner, but I think it's his connection to the company that makes him "relevant" as the notes say. His family. I dont remember where its said but I believe Faust mentions that the company has multiple sponsors. It could be possible that Hong Lu's family is one of these sponsors, and that's how he became a sinner, similar to how K Corp Hong Lu ended up there because of his grandmother.

But the weirdest for me is Meursault. How is he relevant to the company? We know he worked at N Corp. But we also know he wasnt an inquisitor and I doubt he was a member of the new League of Nine. So for him to be important, I think he was probably a high ranking member of N Corp, not only considering that he is "relevant" to the company but also because he has dealt with distortions in the past. Maybe he is where Limbus got some of their own information on distortions....but other than that, I cant really think of any other ways for Meursault to be "relevant" or important to the company.

Iiii think it's less literal/direct like that, personally.

The exact wording of the relevant point is as such:

"Though the timelines and the worlds we can access are expanded during this period, it's not like we'll be extracting random Identities and E.G.O from all over the place. Faust explained that whoever we end up extracting will be relevant to all of us. Relevant... to Limbus Company's current state in some way."

The most obvious interpretation of this (and one most will immediately get) is that while the Walpurgis Night expands the range of the Extraction, it's not a completely random expansion. We won't be getting some random Backstreets Rat Identity, but ones that would be of interest to Limbus Company.

I assume it's sort of an in-universe explanation of why the things that can be extracted here come from the other games specifically. Limbus Company clearly has an interest in what happened at Lobotomy Corp, Vergilius has made it clear in 4.5 that he's interested in the Library, and it's not out of the question for Limbus Company to also have an interest in Moses' Office from Distortion Detective due to their own dealings with Distortions and E.G.O (though that one might be more relevant later on in the story, seeing as it's something that isn't available now but might be later).

That being said, it obviously can't be that simple. This is Project Moon we're talking about, and Faust is outright pointed out to be hiding info on Walpurgis Night in the cutscene.

Now, I don't think it's the Sinners themselves that are the relevant part here. After all, the specific quote is explaining the event as a whole, not just the current iteration of it. If it was about the Sinners and not the specific Identities and E.G.O we'll be getting, then Walpurgis Night would be a kind of shitty Extraction event, cause it would mean those three would be the only Sinners that would get stuff in it, and I highly doubt that will be the case.

Rather, I think the actual thing we should be looking at is the Context and Themes of the E.G.O and Identities in each event.

Look at what we got this Walpurgis Night:

An E.G.O of the Forsaken Murderer with focus put on being restrained, yet that restraint not being enough. It seems to parallel what we know of the Sinners' situations, how becoming one restrains them yet is not enough to completely stop them from acting out.

A LobCorp ID coming from the HQ branch, with focus put on Faust knowing way more than she lets on. This, of course, parallels Faust in the main world, how she clearly knows more about how Limbus Company operates than she lets on.

A Hook Office ID with focus put on the possbility of the Office failing and it not giving enough work to the ID. It might parallel Limbus Company's current state, how it's not yet influential enough to be a for sure success, while at the same time only giving a seemingly small amount of jobs towards one of its most important departments - the Sinners.

If my interpretation is right, then it's likely we're going to see different focuses in the next Walpurgis Night events depending on what information we learn about Limbus Company or how its status changes over the course of the main plot. Though, it is just speculation on my part.

[semi-imaginary-place]

2-3 again because im still here.

ok so barok is actual british nobility? i had considered it before but van zieks isnt a british family name (its dutch) and british nobility is patronymic and patrilineal so i wonder what the story is there.

anyways ryuunosuke and iris sightseeing in barok's office is very funny. he is single handedly supporting the glass and wine industry. i sadly did get spoiled on the hooded and masked figure but not spoiled enough that i do not still have many questions.

Bohemia? was Bohemia still around in 1900? I see we stopped using fake european countries like Allebahst and Borginia. was bohemia germanic? its part of the czech republic and i thought czechs were slavic. but idk borders are messy.

barok's damage animation looks like he's clutching his heart but its actually that medallion on the strap.

"the bird cage was concealed inside the balloon" WHAT?? so the true murder scene was elsewhere and there was a body double involved? hmm prove the experiment and get the funding while jailing and killing those who the engineer would have had to split the money with.

when harebrayne confessed i was sure were in for another round of summation examinations.

susato is back! but oof that is a long trip. poor susato bas spend like 6months stick on a boat in the past year. A. Shinn... So was that really a hit list that we broadcast to the public in 1-5. ok the thing i dont get is that a broken neck should be pretty obvious to tell. how many people were in on this?

stronghart is my lead suspect for the reapers curse.

van zieks and naruhoho ended up foiling each other again in the trail with van zieks believing in harebraye's hypothesis and naruhodo believing in his innocence.

gina got adopted!

my heart! susato calling out kazuma's name sfter she said holding out hope was too painful to bear! aaaaaaaaaaaaa. wait. wasnt Apprentice forbidden to speak by stronghart?

part of what confused me in 2-3 is that it seemed like multiple people had confirmed kazuma's death. besides sholmes there was hosonaga(?) police dude, and the ship crew members. so i was wondering either how large the conspiracy really was or how they brought a deadman back to life. since i got spoiled on kazuma appearing in dgs2 i was on the lookout when i played case 1-2 and they do not give any stand out hint that he survived.

herlock knows something about the asman photo taken 10 years ago. 10 years ago mikotoba ended his 6 year study in london. 10 years ago iris was born. 10 years ago klint van zieks was murdered.

if the wax model was the human shaped figure that was in the balloon and dropped into the crystal tower, how was the corpse of asman swapped in?

sholmes said enoch dreber was around 20 10 years ago but his profile says 35 is this discrepancy meaningful or can sholmes not tells ages too well? dreber lying would be the simplest explanation however there's also enough basis for a cover up. closed trial, identity never revealed. they could have buried/reburied any body and no one would know since the public does not know The Professor's name and face. the police report could have been falsified. also why are they called the professor? these dog noble murders have nothing to do with professing. its a motiarty reference maybe??

hhhhhhhlllhlhkhlhlhhhhhhhh the suspense of whether or not thats an actual live bomb!

ok so we're just going ro talk for the next 15 minutes while there's a bomb in the room and the prime suspect is getting further away by the second. i do hope gregson and gina are doing something.

...and it was an active bomb. did he have a way to get out of that safe? were there breathing holes? getting to a safe sounds like a death trap.

[beyondd-dazedd]

here’s an analysis of the angst between redlynn and rini and the main portwell scene in episode 8 because i have so many thoughts so grab a drink and relax because this is going to be a long one:

both larry and julia’s acting in the scene in ash’s room was incredible. you know exactly how both characters are feeling because it’s so perfectly written on their faces. but larry really goes above and beyond with the way he’s portraying his emotions in the little things like his eyes tracking and the choppy turning and the flickering eye contact. its incredible. seriously.

DOMESTIC EJ AND GINA!! i loved this scene it was so sincere and heartfelt. i wish EJ wasnt so down on himself. yes he’s made some mistakes. a lot. but he’s a teenage boy and he’s come SO far. and matt portrays that so so so well in his acting. that sense of self consciousness under the bravado that EJ puts on. DONT GET ME STARTED ON SOFIA. her acting is BEYOND INCREDIBLE. she has a way of delivering her lines so genuinely and like she has experienced every single thing that her character has. it never feels like she’s acting. seeing these two characters who are so unsure of themselves but put up this mask and then finally get the chance to break down those walls a bit with each other and finding comfort is so beautiful and makes this scene that much more impressive. i don’t feel like im watching a TV show when i watch this scene. i feel like im watching two teenagers try to break down their walls and be vulnerable with each other because they understand each other in a lot of ways. Matt’s line delivery of “that’s what you think of me?” was so soft and so different from the way EJ normally talks that it really hits. this is a boy who has no idea who he is other than his mistakes and the expectations from other people so hearing gina say that to him is such a vulnerable moment for him and Matt killed it. also sofia’s line delivery after that where she back tracks when she says “you’d see what I... the rest of us see” is so genuine to gina’s character. gina hasn’t put down her walls quite yet but she’s trying to. her whole life she’s used to steeling herself and not getting too attached. and here she is allowing herself this moment of vulnerability with this boy who GETS her even if she corrected herself that moment is still there. and then her trying to deflect when EJ tries to compliment her is her realizing she let herself be vulnerable and tries to not let EJ break down those walls any more than he already has. but he does because she needs to hear these things as much as he does. their soft looks at the end of that scene is just so genuine and heart warming. they get each other and they support each other in ways a lot of the other characters can’t. sofia and matt’s acting compliment each other so well and you can really see that in this scene. this is such a moment of genuine vulnerability between these characters and both of them portray it so well to these characters personalities.

now that i’ve analyzed the shit out of that scene let’s move on to the rini scene. because good god. there’s a lot. i like at the beginning of this scene there’s a lot of reminiscing which obviously sets us up for the whole issue with their relationship at this point. they’re both stuck trying to hold onto something that’s in the past whether that’s their relationship as a whole, who they were or who they’re trying to be for one another. the career day metaphor do be a metaphor for nini’s progress as a person and their relationship. like nini said it’s always been nini and ricky and there hasn’t been much diverging from that their whole lives. the acting in this scene is perfect. josh’s resigned and almost stoned reaction is perfect for where ricky is right now. i think ricky knew this was coming but he’s obviously still hurt and is trying to stay strong for nini because it’s obvious this is devastating her. he does a good job capturing that with his line delivery and how it’s almost robotic like he’s steeling himself for the inevitable. olivia’s acting is so heartbreaking. her facial acting from when she says “ricky that’s not ok” to when the camera is back on her after ricky’s lines is devastating. like it took her time to process this new information. her delivery of “i don’t like running away” is so hard to watch because yes she’s upset but she knows exactly where this conversation is going and you can see that. you can also see the ramp up to her trying to break up with ricky. also josh’s like thick swallow he does while he’s trying to hold back tears?? sir?? ouch. also them both saying i don’t want to hold you back and nini saying can i just hold you now? BIG OUCH. and ricky trying desperately to comfort her. it’s always been nini and ricky and then they broke up the first time. it wasn’t mutual and ricky assumed it was a pause and not a break up so there wasn’t the magnitude of the loss on both sides. but now they’re at a place where they are both agreeing to let each other go and they’re having to make a mature decision to let the other grow before they can be nini and ricky again is so sad. they’re saying goodbye to a decade of who they were together. ricky taking off the necklace and nini crying harder is so DEVASTATING. also the “goodbye nini” is so significant. he’s letting her go to be the best version of herself because her identity is so wrapped up in who she is with ricky. he’s literally saying goodbye to nini so she can be nina (metaphorically and a bit literally) and just watching nini cry harder is big ouch. i won’t say too much about how this scene might be related to josh and olivia as people because it’s none of my business but i will say that this scene was acted so well by both of them and you can tell that it comes from their own personal experiences which makes this so much harder to watch. i could spend 100k words just analyzing the emotions and the different subtle acting choices that are in this that really makes this scene incredible but i’m not tryna make a novel here. additionally this really adds to my theory about ricky being the metaphorical beast. this is kind of at a turning point in BATB where the beast lets been go to save her father but in this case nini is trying to save herself and become a better version of nini. this is also the point in the movie when you can REALLY see belle’s love for beast so i’m interested in seeing what they decide to do next with rini.

howie’s singing?? PERFECT. he really had a glee moment but i will allow it because it’s just so damn good. EJ cover gina up so she can sleep more comfortably is so sweet and also shows how their relationship is progressing. they’re helping each other in little ways but sometimes those are the most important. red and ash starting to be on the same page?? amazing. a main part of relationships is trying to understand one another and learn what is important to each other. and i think ash getting the shirt is a good representation of her starting to understand red. good for EJ for telling his dad that he isn’t going to duke. GOOD FOR HIM. red and ricky’s hug BROKE ME. ricky isn’t outright sobbing when he walks into the room and he’s not saying anything but red knows. he knows just from ricky’s body language that he’s distraught (friendship goals). red’s hold on ricky is so tight and strong which is literally everything ricky needs right now. also the reoccurring theme of ricky hugging a pillow while he’s upset is something so special to me. red’s little pat on ricky’s leg says a lot about their friendship. no words have to be spoken for them to be there for each other and comfort each other. nini reminiscing and then looking at her insta? nini 2.0 anyone?? or should i say nina?

[unproduciblesmackdown]

let's see those Prime Numbers for the ask meme

2) favorite albums?

well i was Ready for kesha’s album Warrior to come out in iiii think it was the end of 2012 or early 2013?? i snuck out to that tour in dc that summer also. totally solid album and it was fun to have something so fun during a totally Not Fun period lol. i was also pretty into owl city at the exact same time lmao, that’s Blatantly for when you’re depressed lol...and i also eventually saw that guy on tour when a new album came out in 2015, and that was fun too, and was Enjoying Myself a factor in the tipping point of “ah jeez i gots 2 get outta here” that i had in the next month? maybe! and uhhh i listened a lot to the phoenix te amo album. that one wasnt tied to anything at all but i have heard it So much. super short and also rock solid and relistenable. and then here we are and the bmc obcr is a gift to the world b/c a) it exists and b) Cuz It All Slaps and c) it’s so fun to either sing or dance along, or cry along if it’s the agtikbi reprise and d) lgw... and e) all the eternal, well-mixed wroland vocals

3) favorite memes?

oh god lmao idk......real earlier 10s stuff was the I Say Hey he-man meme, and the “that really rustles my jimmies” meme which was real underrated......there’s been plenty of Memes where i’ve been like “this one is funny to me Every Time” but of course now looking back on it it’s like. what’s a meme??? Vine

(skipping 5 & 11 cuz that’s the Entirety of someone else’s ask and i don’t wanna just have to scrap theirs completely and i’ll get to it next!!)

11) favorite fanarts?

you know what, there’s continuously been a ton of amazing fanart where i’m like, i’m so glad i’m seeing this, & this is Artistic Fuel, and marge simpson anime has really been just this Standout Experience lmao like......idk for as Inspiring as it is, there’s only a couple things i’ve drawn that are Directly inspired, but i just flip for it all the time and like, it’s supremely expressive and like, comics that aren’t chronological but more like a Collage Of a Moment / Concept which i think is super cool and also i love when stuff reminds me that it doesn’t have to look ~super cleaned up~ to look great.

13) favorite people you know?

oh god this one really got out of control lol i started like, talking about everyone ever from this past decade. so for Convenience i’m interpreting this as “people *i* know, but they don’t know me” so that i can cheat and say will roland, voted person of the year 2019. by extension, essential supporting crew who helped us reach this point, like john simpkins or joe iconis. leave it at that!! it’s 5am and you know i’m not lying. who knew where going “wow, This guy” in late 2018 would have so much Value.

17) a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

oof hmm.......amnesia tdd didn’t really have a “fandom” even though it obviously got a lot of attention, it’dve been fun if it had though lol. it’s tricky to answer this one cuz i always prefer like, smaller fandoms and/or finding the Niche or some other way of just like, interacting with a small corner of things, so i’m never like wow god damn wish i’d been absolutely in the thick of it with this thing. i’ve been in Corners n Niches and it’s been fine by me, really

19) a fandom that you had the best time in?

HMM lol.........marble hornets sure was fun but like, a lot of that was just the content itself and not necessarily The Fan Experience, tho i sure got a lot out of it in a ton of ways. i mean tbh that’s true of each thing i’ve really Gotten Into majorly, i go hard af and then walk out the other side with these #connections or #experiences like whoa where’d these come from lol!! but really like, overall, i’m probably having the best time right now. the “fandom” is basically just our agenda lmao but like i said i’m always having the best time when it’s a pretty niche deal, And the sheer variety of Contents n Characters to draw from here is super nice, and the fact that it’s like, oh yeah and i’m finally recognizing this should’ve-been-obvious entire Passionne i’ve had since always, and that’s great too, and like, also just having the Variety Of Live / Current Unfoldings that go down.....like, everyone havin fun with the Joe Iconis Xmas Xtrav was entirely great. and just the Engagement level is basically the best, cuz like there’s the times where maybe i’ll get a zillion notes and that’s definitely fun in its own way but i always enjoy just the way smaller amount of ppl who are Particularly Enthusiastic, and like, there’s times where like, maybe i’m *technically* in this larger circle of ppl but like, totally more of like a Tangent or peripheral to that circle or whatever lol........this feels like a really solid balance of like, being sorta in this orbit of people in a chill way, but also definitely the direct interactions Existing, which is always important lol but hasn’t always been a constant throughout my Fandom Experiences at all

23) who were you at the beginning of this decade?

2009-2010 was a real distinct year lol i was in my second year of college in the middle of my teens, when i’d hardly really been getting to Explore My Interests Freely up to that point and still wasn’t, but all of a sudden it’s like goddamn i have to figure out my major???? and i’m like, obviously in the middle of only just now Really getting to figure out my identity in this deeper and more genuine way, thanks to being lucky enough to Live On Campus and be away from home like, 2/3 of the year, but i was just like, oh god i’m in Stress Hell now all the time cuz like. i’m trying to figure out my whole thing and what my ~Career~ should be and i just have no idea but am like, trying super hard all the time lol it was not successful and i was just really stressed about it all the time. i was def quieter back then.....pretty lonely at the time, i did not get into mh and gain the presence of any Online Friends until late 2010, and i hadn’t yet been sort of accepted by a small faction of theatre people via my roommate’s connections.....i wasn’t at all Out yet, and was def In Progress of figuring it all out.....i didn’t have nearly the Self-Esteem i have now lmao, it was Not a great time and in a lot of ways ‘09-’10 was the start of a downturn into Worse Than Usual Times, though in Other ways it was definitely an upturn lol like. the latter related to stuff that was important to me / who i am, the former tied to the situations i was in and the godawful morale that resulted

29) a time when the worst case scenario happened but you pulled through?

well by the end of 2012 i had my Wrath Parent deluxe mad at me big time, AND i was stuck at home all of thee time with that (not at all hours but. every day.) it was terrible!!! tf was going on in 2013, cuz that shit was definitely like, a gross blur of a lot of indistinct misery. and then, relatedly, when it was so shitty in 2015 that i was like fantastic, i am so officially sick of this i’m outta here. i revisited some Misery Posts from that period lately for someone stranger on twitter’s project or something, and boy i was having a bad time Summer Of ‘15 lol, things not getting better at home And a job that was so shitty that it was like..................bye. lol. and then i spent a year living out of a minivan. which was real lucky in ways b/c like. infinitely better than if i had not had that minivan. and when that broke down i was also then lucky enough to have this friend who was relatively nearby who’d also been willing to just like, set me up to Not have to ask the lgbt center where that trans-friendly forest zone a couple cities over was. nothing as dramatic as it could’ve been, fortunately

31) a time you were scared?

hmmm when leaving The Parents Home overnight, that was intimidating. bit of completely jumping into the unknown there, and also like, when you spend your lifetime assuming that Someone’s Arbitrary Wrath will be uponst you always, it’s hard to shake that sense of dread and doom, like ah jeez i am really potentially bringing hell on myself here........and like i mentioned with Start Of The Decade, there was just a ton of fear there all the time lol, trying to figure out virtually overnight The Whole Of Who I Am And What I Want when i’d only just even gotten to start......also i wanna say i maybe came out in 2011?? and i sort of also felt obligated to come out to my parents also (plus i think i was giving them like, one last chance to surprise me and be decent and kind of Grow Up themselves even tho i was the like, 16 y.o.) which yknow, kids you do not have to come out to anyone at all. someone was talking the other day abt how they didn’t think lgbtq “discourse” had evolved as much as you’d hope over the past decade, but idk about that, it's only a little bit of a wildly complex topic, and for starters Online Trans “Discourse” of a decade back was wayyyyyy in a vastly different place than it is now, leaps and strides really. so the way to ~really~ do it was presented kind of more rigidly i think. anyways i did it via email and was incredibly stressed to even open the reply a couple days later lol......which ended up being really weird and vague, and then there was a phone call where no one brought it up, and the only result was increased ire and resentment :( ........and then there was still like, cops encounters! near or not-as-bad-as-they-could’ve-been vehicular collisions! but tbh generally my reaction to the latter was underwhelming, except for one particular time when i was a passenger and also tense af for the rest of the ride. that’s it for Immediate fear really lol......oh wait one time i was at this decent sized Convention Panel Event and when i’m nervous i can Only talk more (it’s possible!!) and i snuck into line for the q&a and Right when i got to the mic (intimidating) they were like oop we’re low on time, lightning round!! :’] that was obviously more just a crapton of l’anxiete

37) a fashion that fell out of style that you wish would make a resurgence?

were Gladiator sandals this decade? the strappy deals that like, went up the ankles / calves? that was in fashion for a year or two and i’m into it. i like sandals and that kind of drama

41) something you learned a lot that not a lot of other people might know about?

i don’t know that i learned way a lot of anything that’s real in-depth knowledge and niche lore.........i have learned Nothing

43) an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

i had???? lmao well either way let’s say current relationships count and like, pretty much everyone in my Sphere i value a lot! i never like, have or have had a ~close~ ring of ppl around me lol like i thought it was lucky if i talked to someone Every Day (and not at all the Usual thing) and now it’s more likely that i talk to two people every day and maybe that sounds sarcastic but it’s not at all lol. i know my social stats aren’t impressive but i so appreciate what i get to enjoy and have. and other Connections might be way more like, we are friendly acquaintances, we talk on rare occasions, we haven’t talked at all in ages, we talk but only to trade cute pics of cats, Etc etc, but i seriously do appreciate all of everyone who’s cool who i get to interact with in any way and like, be in each other’s spheres and Not just like, absolutely on nobody’s radar. also obviously soph you are here in that list in case i wasn’t implying it good enough lol it is 5am and god knows deciphering what i say at any time can be its own challenge.....ur Epic Highs and Lows of bmc 3.0 is so good lmao

[whitewolfbumble]

Needed Touch (Bucky x Reader)

Summary: They needed you, and he needed you most of all. You became his addiction until it was taken away, and then you were something else to him entirely.

Anon Request: Can you do a platonic!avengers x wolf!reader, maybe a specific ship like bucky x reader would be fine as well! Since the reader can turn into a big wolf, she often cuddles with the avengers to help them relieve stress, and they all really like her, and once they sent her onto a mission something really bad happens and really angsty stuff?

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Wolf!Reader

Warnings: Angst and fluff!, things get intimate for a hot minute

Word Count: About 6k

A/N: Thanks for the request darling! One of my favourite Bucky lines I’ve written is in here, and it makes me weak my dudes. Still a lil wrecked from surgery/pain meds so sorry for any typos, I’ll come back a fix this sometime

MY MASTERLIST // JOIN MY TAG LIST

Tony had an anxiety disorder. Bruce had, let’s say, explosive anger issues. Steve struggled, however valiantly, with depression. Natasha was obsessively striving to undo a past that couldn’t be undone, losing her identity and life in the process. Thor- when he was here- was in denial of the brutal grief he had suffered. Sam had a crippling case of survivor’s guilt that would strike hard without warning and stop him dead in his tracks. That was just scratching the surface of your team members, and there were more damaged people where that came from.

And then they added Bucky. You couldn’t even begin to get into the near century of trauma there.

But at least they all had you.

However much love and loyalty there was among you, you were what was holding this team together. Mentally and emotionally they needed you as much as they needed oxygen, being the balm and breath of air to them, outweighing their combined trauma.

You were human and wolf in one, each side of you forming one whole. A mutation, curse, and gift wrapped together, much like the various parts of the others on the team. And quickly from week one you had found you belonged among them.

Maybe it was the protective wolf in you. Or the feeling of companionship you exuded with every encouraging word or soft smile. Or the loving brightly, happy feeling those around you felt when you laughed and played, young and free like those cute little puppies in those cute little videos. Or maybe it was the ferocity and barred teeth you showed on the battlefield, unwavering in your aggressive defense of your team. Or maybe it was your other ability that did it.

Whatever the combination, it had made you a perfect- and necessary- fit to this team.

Tucking back your hair, you absently brushed fingers passed your subtly pointed ears. Settling into to a grey afternoon and a cushy couch had been easy enough, with a half decent book in one hand and the other placed on Clint’s head.

He was lying down on the couch, head on a thin pillow in your lap, feeling the calm of your other distinct ability seeping into him like custard into bread pudding.

Your legs crossed, Tony pressed a pleasant pressure against your knees, his anxiety held at bay by both you and the focused energy of tinkering with a delicate piece of paper-thin metal and razor-thin wires in his hands.

The people changed, the positions changed, but the constant presence of your team- your pack- around you was constant and most welcome.

As the slow afternoon silence stretched, you flipped to the next page in your book but didn’t continue reading. Head shifting slightly you paused, brow raising up ever so little before settling back into place as you understood what your senses had zeroed in on.

“Wonder when they’ll be back,” Clint said lazily, eyes closed and breath easy in his chest.

“They just pulled up,” you said absently back, eyes back on the text in front of you.

“Hmm,” he replied. “Hope it went okay.”

“Yeah, seems like it went just fine,” you said, shrugging a little. “No blood anyway.”

But in the back of your mind and in your ears you felt a nagging. Something off. Something not exactly quite right.

The wolf in you wasn’t separate like Bruce was to the Hulk. Your appearance may shift as you directed it to something akin to a large and black apex predator, a wolf in body and eyes and fangs. But that didn’t mean you were any less you in that state. Even now, human form with only little touches of something slightly “other” marking you like your ears, you still heard and smelt and saw with the enhanced senses of the shadowy beast you formed into. Not exactly as enhanced as in your other form, but still there nonetheless.

And sitting on the couch, listening intently to the sounds of Steve and Bucky return from their mission while your eyes were down in your book, you thought you could hear someone... limping maybe? The metallic, distinct smell of blood was absent though at least. Or maybe there were just too far away for you to smell it yet.

“And how would you know that?” Clint said, stretching and leaning up a bit to lock those hazel eyes to yours.

You wiggled your nose at him from behind your novel in teasing exaggeration.

“I can smell them,” you said, though Clint well knew that by now, though he loved to hear it. He was endlessly fascinated by who you were. That or he had taken a knock to the head too many times and really was that forgetful. “Sweat and quinjet exhaust, but nothing else really.”

Sitting in wait while Clint moved off you, you heard one set of footfalls approach nearer.

Now, however terrible it sounded, you hoped it was Steve that broke his leg and had sent Bucky to find you to help him. That would make this easier.

So, so much easier.

But when the blonde walked in your lips ticked down with a bit of a frown for a split second. Steve sat down beside you, limpless stride firm and precise though clearly a bit exhausted. He grabbed your hand as he sat and the both of you broke out into a smile.

“How’s our resident second super soldier?” you asked, subtly squeezing and moving your hand in his, caressing his palms and fingers. Comfort visibly eased into the lines of his friendly face and liquid light blue eyes.

“Hurt, but not much help there,” he admitted. “Unless you want to try again…?”

“Try again” made it sound like you had only attempted to corral Bucky once to indulge in that other specific ability you had. The man was unwavering like a marble statue, though you’d find a way to whittle him down. Or maybe he would do that himself.

“You know I will, Steve,” you said, standing up with a last pat to his hand and pat to Tony’s head as you shimmied passed him. “He’s one of us, even if he doesn’t yet think it.”

Because Bucky wasn’t the only one who could be considered unwavering and stubborn.

______

The door was open slightly like he was expecting you. He always expected you because let’s face it, he was smart enough to know persistence when he saw it. They others saw it as caring, but you didn’t think Bucky was quite ready to use that word just yet.

His room was somewhat clean, low lamps on instead of the main overhead lights, exuding a softer glow and casting darker shadows. It was small and comfy and how Bucky liked it, despite those descriptors being the opposite of the man himself.

He was peeling off his thick leather coat, arriving just before you did for one glaringly obvious reason. He had been slowed down to a snail’s pace by the broken leg that had somehow managed to make his whole body scrunch up tight and coiled. It was supporting no weight as he stood, held at just slightly an odd angle. Not to mention what you knew to be a pale and pain-hardened face if he were to turn around.

You leaned against the door frame, arms crossed with a bit of a huff you weren’t sure was from sympathy or exasperation.

“I could help with that, you know,” you commented, nodding to his limp as he glanced behind his shoulder to you, though his eyes remained low and didn’t yet meet yours.

You were tired of playing this game with him, but you knew by the weary lines and stiff way Bucky held himself that he was always far more weary of it. He had the ability to end that weariness and strain, if only he would reach out and simply touch you.

“I’ll heal,” he said, short and gruff.

Not because he was mad which you knew, though a flash of something- maybe guilt- sprung up through the pained look, and he took the time and effort to swivel on his good leg to face you more.

“I’m fine, Y/N,” he said, trying again and sounding a little more like himself. Seemed to take effort though. “You don’t need to keep checking on me.”

“I’ll stop checking on you,” you said. “When you stop leaving the door open for me.”

You stepped in silently under his watchful eyes, moving and sitting on the bed, back resting against the backboard. You didn’t snuggle down or sprawl out, wanting to be just a little respectful of his space you were invading, but clasped your hands in your lap and crossed your ankles neatly.

Bucky waited for a time before, with a bit of pain crumpled look on his face, turned to the bathroom and closed the door. You closed your eyes as you heard the shower, tried not to listen to him struggle and groan under his breath. When the streaming sound of the water stopped, you flicked the switch beside you and the lights went off, leaving you in semi-darkness with blinds closed tight.

The tiny amounts of grey light that came in was like that of the moon, beaming in cool and gentle. That was his kind of comfort. Bucky still enjoyed the darkness, able to move and stay shielded by the black murky shadows. To hide away from enemies and people and pain.

When he emerged from the bathroom, the light from it shone bright before he clicked it off, his frame clad in a black shirt and grey sweats turning shadowy. Though it was the afternoon, the room itself looked like it was the dead of night, with just those soft beams pooling on the ground at his feet.

“Are you going to wolf out on me?” he muttered through the space between you, though it was good-natured in tone. As much for him as for you.

You snorted quietly under your breath, a smirk on your lips.

“I’m not the Hulk, I have some control over myself.”

There was some hesitation after that from him, wavering there with weight on the one leg. It heavied the air that had been briefly lightened with jokes and teasing a second before.

You didn’t push or pry more than you already had by simply being here, but just waited. After another few moments the pain of standing seemed to outweigh the emotions keeping him from you.

Very slowly, he walked to the bed as you moved up your feet, giving him space to sit awkwardly but firmly on the edge.

He faced out for a few moments before placing his hand in the small space on the sheets between you, eyes refusing to turn to your own. Gently you placed your hand on top of his, ever so carefully entwining your fingers in with his. A minute passed before your other hand moved slowly and measuredly to the middle of his thigh and was held still.

He tensed as you did, but for much different reasons. He flinched at the contact of your fingers brushing his thigh. You at the familiar feeling of this process as it hit you, stark and bare and shook a little bit of your soul as your ability begin to work within him.

“Why do you do it?” he said quietly, face hidden in the darkness. “Why care?”

Everyone here knew what your ability was, even Bucky, though he refused to speak it.

It wasn’t healing, exactly. It was just taking the pain, giving them time to rest for their muscles to ease, for their teeth to stop grinding as they gritted through the pain. They could rest and their bodies would better heal themselves.

They sensed it when they were close to you. Felt it when they touched you. Relief and comfort and freedom from torment.

But the pain had to go somewhere. It couldn’t just evaporate and you couldn’t push it out, you could only pull it into your own body. So you took on their stabs and wounds, feeling the invisible injuries on your skin and in your muscles. At least with you, the second the connection was broken, it was gone. So you just breathed and you bore it.

“You’ve got it all wrong, Bucky,” you started softly, taking a moment as you felt like your femur was snapped in half inside your leg. “It’s not “why care”, but because I care. I know that’s foreign to you. Uncomfortable. And that’s okay for now.”

Your words were met with silence as there was no real answer for it, and none needed. It was truth and that caring he would call persistence. Because you weren’t going to let him live a pained life. Not when you could take it away from him and even if at a cost.

But for now, this was was okay. You could go one step at a time and nudge him along with you.

You stayed long beyond that, until the troubled man unclenched his muscles and his eyes drooped where he sat. Until his breathing became slow and deep and his head lulled. Until you gently laid him down when deep sleep took him over, painless and free.

_______

From there on, things started to change. Bucky had a hard time with your ability at first, clearly. He wasn’t particularly touchy or trusting to begin with, however cordial, which was pretty essential for your ability to work.

The next time it was a broken arm. How a super soldier could keep breaking bones like this, you didn’t know.

You went to his room and waited in the doorway just like before but you didn’t fully enter, leaving him alone instead. He was probably confused as he clutched his lifeless looking flesh arm, probably wondering and hoping you’d be your usual persistence self and silently insist again. But you hadn’t been.

You had gotten through a little to Bucky, even if only once. He had felt it and accepted it. Felt and accepted you, in that moment, finally. It was his turn now, to make the next step and you weren’t sure he would do it. But later that next night you heard a knock at your door.

“Can you help me?” he had asked, quietly, still holding his arm which close up looked almost shattered.

After the next mission and the next injury, he asked when you came to his room as you always did, almost steely look like he was fighting himself on saying something so vulnerable again. But the second he spoke that melted from his face, as though the words would have killed him to say but he survived, relief flooding him once uttered.

“I’m in pain, Y/N,” he had said, gruff and almost desperate. As though through all the years of pain he had reached his limit now that he knew what real comfort felt like. “Can you take it away?”

Soon enough as the weeks rolled by, he was coming to you for everything.

You expected this really, it had happened to everyone for a time.

Everyone hit a point where they clung to you at first, however subtly or not, until they realized both consciously and subconsciously that you weren’t going anywhere. That you were here to stay and this feeling was too. That you could be a reprieve to their pain and demons.

Bucky was different though. He had had no comfort, innumerable demons, and exclusively pain for much of the life he could remember. Now to be able to have physical hurts relieved and not inflicted, and with a simple touch feel comfort in his soul not anguish? It was massive for him.

He was addicted to you now. You were like the sweetest of drugs without overdose or side effects. Though you were beginning to wonder about withdrawal...

“This is really why you need me right now?” you said, in his bright bathroom on one late evening, months after that broken leg.

Bucky found quiet, intimate moments alone with you when he needed you close, always away from the eyes of the team. Pain he could admit to you now, but not them just yet, if ever.

But now whenever you walked into a room you saw the way he twitched, as though his automatic physical reaction was to reach out for you and it took his conscious mind a moment to stop himself.

But in moments alone with you he didn’t hesitate anymore. He let himself touch you and be touched, like a craving filled and peaceful contentment enjoyed.

“Yes,” he said simply, pleasant sigh on his lips as he sat on the bathtub ledge, head leaned up to you, standing in front of him. His eyes were still waters, glassy and serene, framed by those long lashes that matched his deep chestnut hair.

Your hand was placed on his neck, thumb moving across the line of his jaw. Just above your stroking was a small cut from shaving of all things, almost unnoticeable. You were surprised he had even felt himself do it.

This was a man who had been tortured. Shot. Stabbed. Forced to fight. Forced to kill. You would think one little nick would hardly be enough to call on you so late at night.

But a smug unheard purr settled somewhere in your soul, finally and truly having him trust you. The others could sit down beside you and hold your hand or give you warm smiles as your presence eased their soul. But from Bucky you had needed more. You had needed this.

And obtaining it was that same kind of hit Bucky got off of you.

“I think I’m just spoiling you now,” you smirked, his slow blink matching pace with your slow, caressing fingers.

“Then please keep spoiling me,” he whispered, leaning into you.

He rested his head on your stomach, nose and breath and lips pushing gently into the thin fabric draping your soft skin.

Steve had always ran hot, made into a super soldier in the warm New York summer heat. Bucky you thought was always deliciously cool, like the chill of Russian snow where he was made, clinging to him still. It reminded you of clean ice, fragrant pines, and a cloudless moon.

You could feel it all on his breath now, the cool air he sighed into your stomach making your skin tingle underneath. Without thinking your hands found their way into his hair, moving through the thick chestnut strands. Absently his hands moved up your calves to behind your thighs, hooking you lightly into him.

A slow sigh released from him into you, and you slipped one hand under shirt collar at the base of his neck, hand and nails lightly trailing down his spine. He clung to you all the more, a groan caught in his throat as you felt the delicate quiver of his skin under your fingertips. An arm wrapped around the small of your back, the other at the top of your thigh, constricting and binding you in.

You and he practically hummed in sheer contentment at this connection, a shivering pleasure between you both. Countless minutes rolled by, and also no time at all it seemed.

It was only when you pulled away that you saw his blissed and beautiful face, his hand moving up and bunching his shirt above his heart as he stared back at you. Those serene eyes were bright now, with a bright and beautiful smile to match.

“G’night Buck,” you murmured as you stepped back, voice with a bit of a wobble.

You turned, a little off kilter and touched down on the bathroom counter to steady yourself. As you walked out you caught a glance of yourself in the mirror above the sink, eyes half-lidded, a lopsided smile on your face. And it wasn’t from sleep-drunkenness.

It was from comfort.

It was from him.

“Then please keep spoiling me.”

The words ran in your mind like cool water lapping at a shore or warm fingertips trancing delicate lines on soft skin. That was what you dream of that night. It was only when you woke up, room filled with darkness and that comforting feeling gone did you respond to them.

Okay, you thought in silent response, I’ll keep spoiling you.

_______

“Good, we’re just about to start the new mission briefing,” Clint said to you as you walked into the small group by the couches.

When you entered the lounge the next day, several of the team had already gathered.

You expected that telltale flinch from Bucky where he said, wanting but stopping himself from reaching out to you. You had wondered after the closeness of last night if it would be worse. If your junkie would be craving you all the more now.

But he didn’t. He saw you, blue eyes behind brown hair sitting to himself on the side. But didn’t acknowledge you beyond those glassy ocean eyes connecting to yours. Not a flinch. Not a hello. Not a nod.

A frown fell on your face as your heart fell in your chest, and head filled with confusion.

Had last night gone too far? Should you have stopped it?

Well the answer to both of those was probably yes, but he had wanted it and you had wanted to give it, so why would have have been bad?

“We’re moving in on the Serpent Society tonight,” Steve said, looking out to everyone.

You achingly turned from Bucky, a shame and heat on your face now, looking instead to Rogers. Your eyes were intense and trying to hide it, focused on the blonde before you, but you weren’t seeing him.

You weren’t hearing the shuffles or sways of the team as they listened into the briefing. Didn’t smell the gunpowder coming off of Natasha, the steaming coffee in Tony’s novelty mug, or the clean crisp lemon of the freshly scrubbed floor. You didn’t notice anything outside of your focus: Bucky Barnes.

Steve talked on, background noise to you as you focused your senses to a sharp, steel point. Your body altered in response, the wolf in you showing in slight form little by little as you balanced walking the lines to stay on the right side of human-looking so as not to give yourself away.

A golden hue to your eyes began to shine, that liquid gold bright and deep. Nails grew and pointed, turning ever so like claws. You could hear and feel your body change just enough for your sense to enhance enough to zero in on the man you held last night. The one who had held you.

Then you heard it, a deep bass sound vibrating in your ear. A beating, low and rhythmic and pulsing.

A heartbeat, sped up and beating loud. In that moment you heard nothing else.

But you couldn’t feel eyes on you so you cleared your throat, and Bucky flinched, eyes snapping to you as you kept yours dead ahead on Steve, looking down and slightly away to hide the telltale glimmers of the something “other” always under your skin that was starting to show.

The moment his eyes were on you, the sound of his blood pumping and heart beating became thunderous, like the pounding beat of the drum. You heard him swallow, could almost hear his skin tighten, and lungs expand and deflate at a rapid speed.

All because he was looking at you.

You could feel his eyes detached from you, reluctant and pained like dropping a weapon in a fight. His breathing rightened, muscles unclenched just a touch in his shoulders, That modicum of calm was shot to hell when Steve spoke.

“Y/N,” he said, the shift in Bucky palpable to you, practically make you clenched your own muscles. “You’ll be on the west side with Bucky and Clint. They’ll sharp shoot if needed, you’ll watch their backs.”

At your name Bucky’s eyes were transfixed again, thunderclap heart beats almost filling the room and drowning out the sound of the others. You felt him swallow again, heard the creak of his chair as his hands gripped it tighter, felt the heat radiating off him like a heavy summer sun.

All because he heard your name.

You turned and left immediately once the briefing was over, under the excuse of prepping for tonight, but once out in the hall you rested against the cool wall. Again you eyes glinted gold, sense focused on the man inside that room.

He had walked closer to the door- perhaps following after you?- but had stopped. You heard a sigh, the wisps of fingers through chestnut hair as he stood on the spot, stopped by some thought or feeling.

You could hear the downturn to his voice as he answered a question, hear the shuffle of his feet where he stood. You could almost see his expression now, a miserable look, one trying to hide under a blank stare.

You walked down the hall, for the first time not knowing exactly what to do with feelings someone had about you.

This wasn’t about seeking your touch for ease. This wasn’t about comfort or calm. It wasn’t about a physical reaction to you at all, this was about you.

You could sense it, feel it, hear it, see it.

Bucky had feelings for you.

_______

“Are you going to stay like that the whole night?” Bucky said, peering to his side.

The woods were quiet, and most likely through decades of practice, Bucky’s voice lowered and morphed into a tone and volume that matched his surroundings. The forest was old and dark, with near-black greens from the tree mixing with near-black ground and sky.

In this space both you and he found the familiar darkness reassuring, both battle tested and trained to the bone on nights just like these ones.

Right now this wasn’t training, but a mission. You were a sentry and guard for Bucky and Clint, either positioned a distance apart with a gun or arrow pointed towards their targets base.

Bucky had found a bit of a cliff to set up on, body on the ground with sniper rifle pointed diligently and ready.

“Not that I don’t like it,” he continued quietly. “But I did want to talk with you.”

You made no movement or even acknowledgement that you heard him, though there was no way you wouldn’t have.

Tonight you were the wolf in full form, changing into a black beast of the night as soon as was possible. The rest of the Team had barely stepped off the quinjet when you were feet into the woods, shifting with ease like the shedding of clothes.

Black fur, long and silken, lined your frame and blended like a shadow into the half mooned night. Only golden, glowing eyes could be seen now, some feet away from Bucky, half watching his back and half watching for an enemy to emerge.

“I had the distinct impression…” he started after a minute of silence followed, pausing briefly before continuing, turning from his position to look behind himself at you. “That you ran from me this morning, and have been avoiding me since.”

The shift was silent, the darkness still hiding you. A human form, still hidden, save those golden eyes, was your form to answer him. Claws were still out and extended, ears at a point, senses picking up everything.

“What makes you think that?” you said, low and quieter than the wind.

Bucky’s jerked back to you in surprise, trying to find your golden eyes in the black.

“Well, usually you at least acknowledge me.” At that your eyes narrowed a little, and he caught their gleam.

Was he upset like you had been that he didn’t even say a simple hello or give a nod to you this morning? Not communicating had not been you forte, as guards tended to come down around you, making speaking and opening up easier. So this may was just a small thing, but it didn’t feel like it. And that explanation didn’t seem like it was the whole picture…

Bucky’s finger went to his ear piece as he stood, eyes locked on yours. “Clint, I’m moving positions. I won’t have eyes on this for minute. Will confirm when I’m back in ready position.”

“I’m not… I know when…” Your sigh came out almost as a hiss, struggling with the words. You focused back up at him, his shadowy frame in the darkness just an arm’s length away. “I’m not exactly clueless about what… feelings and attraction are. I can sense when someone has them for someone else.”

“And?” Bucky said. You went sure if he said that cluelessly or brazenly.

“And,” you said, quiet and firm. “You have feelings for me. I felt it this morning- I feel it now as you look at me- your heart catching and beating like thunder in your chest when you hear me or sense me. Your breath quickens, your skin flushes, you can’t stop blinking, you can’t help but move to get closer to me… I can practically smell the rush or hormones and chemicals racing through you when I’m close. It’s- it’s overwhelming.”

“You can sense all of that?” he said, before stepping closer. “What about now?”

You swallowed, brows pulling together, confused. “I… well, yes.”

“And now?” he asked softly, taking another step. This time it set his body right against you, his framed pressed to yours.

You had touched him before. Held him. Felt his skin to yours in quiet moments together. But this was much different.

You didn’t respond, just watched with throat tight and eyes wide as Bucky gazed down, nose brushing ever so lightly against yours. You felt his hand move up, slowly and deliberately up your arm, across your shoulder until it rest on the pulse point just under your jaw.

“Your heart’s racing too,” he whispered, fingertips pressing into your skin.

Silently he dragged them down, slow and smooth, stopping in the middle of you chest.

“And so is your breath,” he whispered.

You almost had a mind to huff and roll your eyes at him, your once distant Bucky long gone. But that reaction was quite lost to the one that was overwhelming you. It burned and tingled you skin and in your soul, it poured out of you in hot breaths and every pounding heartbeat, it rattled your soul as much as his touch did to you now.

Moving back up, his hand held your face, feeling the heat there that was threatening to boil you over now. 

“Your skin is flushed too,” he said, voice smooth and soft compared to the intensity of those blue eyes he had.

“You can stop there,” you managed to say, not exceptionally wanting him to go through the rest of the checklist.

A small smile escaped from him then, forehead leaning down to yours. You closed your eyes as he did, soaking in the feeling of him and the smell of him which somehow seemed more intoxicating than you remembered.

“So what if I have feelings for you,” he said eventually, so whisper quiet you could have dreamt it. “You have feelings for me too, Y/N.”

You could have said this wasn’t real, that this was Bucky just being addicted to a comfort he was deprived of. But someone like Bucky wouldn’t admit to feelings unless they were real.

You could have said you were just reacting to someone being this close or happy with how much he was opening to you, and accidently maybe took things too far. But that also wasn’t true.

All you could do was nod your head up in agreement, your lips brushing delicately against his as you did so. You heard almost a sighing growl as you did, and before you could decide if it was coming for you or him, his lips connect with yours.

In that dark woods you were sure the spark that erupted inside you at his kiss could have been seen for miles. It was like a slow burning fire, bright and intense and eternally warm. The pressure and feel of him against you, his lips moving and sealing against yours heating your soul enough for this lifetime and the next. It was a bliss and comfort you had not yet known in another person and it made you see stars that his connection to you conjured up.

“I’m spotting movement, north west of my position.” The voice over your comm came, breaking the two of you part if only your lips. “Y/N, is that you?”

“No,” you said, sounding as breathless as you felt and hoped Clint would chalk it up to trying to be quiet. Your eyes remained on Bucky though, seeing the same burning fire and pleasant heat in his blue eyes that you felt. “But I’ll check it out.”

Wordlessly you broke away, the cold air seeping across your body where Bucky had just been. But the cold couldn’t penetrate into your soul. That remained a cozy, toasty wash of heat. Taking several steps back, you kept your eyes on him until it was time to go. He gave you a nod by way of goodbye, unable to keep the lightest of smiles on his lips. You reciprocated it quickly before you were off.

You vanished into the dark in a shadowy blur, the change from human to wolf happening in less than it took to take a step. A moment after, you were running.

The pines and trunks of tree whooshed passed you, your paws hitting ground for only the briefest of touches before bounding for the next step. You wove and maneuvered through the forest as though you had made this trek a thousand times, your senses focused and guiding you to where you needed to go.

But a gun shot in the dark, far away from where Bucky was or where Clint should be stopped you mid-sprint. Claws dug into the ground, trying desperately to slow yourself down, until slamming side first into a tree did the job, bruising ribs and jostling your head as pine needles fell down around you.

Ignoring the shots of pain and careening to your right, you took off again, paws stumbling to get traction for several paces until you were back up to speed.

Voices rang out in the comms, all teams checking it. They came concerned, questioning, all converging on the various shots they heard around their respective positions.

You heard it first. It was a snap and then scream that turned to a thunderous roar.

You could feel it in the ground, feel the vibrations in the air. Bruce was gone, and the Hulk had come out. In the distance that roar sounded again, furious and unhinged.

“Pull back!” Steve said in the comm. “No one move towards the gunfire!”

But it was too late.

You didn’t have time to slow down before you heard that snap again, this time at your own feet.

It was like a crack of metallic lightning, and you felt the exploding of your eardrums before you felt the exploding of anguish. The sudden assault stopped you dead again, sending your body rolling and tumbling out of control through the woods then down a short hill.

You slid to a stop on your side, unable to speak or move or scream. Wrapped from your stomach up to your back was a metal set of jaws, like a lethal bear trap with jagged, biting teeth as wide as you palm and as sharp as you teeth. The death trap practically encircled around your whole body.

The pain doubled, then doubled again, poisoned tips of the metal releasing into your bloodstream. That was when you shrieked louder and more torment-laced than you had ever heard. Unable with this trap around you to change back into your human form, the shriek came out as a howl, reverberating through the air loud, unbridled, and broken beyond what you thought you could stand.

The pieces stabbing into you made you howl til you felt you felt you could no longer survive it, the poison made you convulse until you thought every venom-burned piece of you would melt away, the anguish of it was beyond your capacity to understand or function.

But then you felt steps moving closer to you. You heard voices. And why set a trap if you weren’t going to come back for your prey?

Your eyes glowed bright, edged on by the pain and fighting instinct. Your jaw snapped and growled mingled into your whimpers and howls, a pitiful warning at best.

You heard voices you thought you knew, but you couldn’t make them out enough above your own pain. It overtook everything. You thought you saw through the blinding haze of torment a hand reach towards you in the darkness, a slow and soft thing, trying to reach out to you and connect. Maybe to help and comfort, or maybe to hurt you all the more.

Instantly a feral part of you lashed out in ferocity, trying with mad snaps of your brutally strong jaw and sharpened fangs to cut off the hand offering you the unknown. The basic, primal part of you needed to keep hands and touches away from you, terrified and railing against any more danger.

There would be no comfort from someone else, even through your pain you wouldn’t allow it.

But at some point sharp stabs took your breath away yet again before you felt a telltale sign of release. Someway and somehow once you were released, you were like a bat out of hell, running under some hell-driven necessity to try and out run this all-encompassing anguish.

It clung to you as you went. The faster your tormented steps went, the even worse it became. Eventually you were breathless, whimpering and howling all over again, collapsing onto the ground in a blacken, blood-matted mess on the ground.

Digging claws into the ground you tried to move forward, tried to get more distance between you and pain, but you just couldn’t. You whimpered and begged for the pain to end, but it didn’t. Relief didn’t come until the pain overwhelmed every single ounce of your body and soul, and unconsciousness overtook you.

_______

That primal part of you, that frantic and brutal part of your mind that refused to let in any possibility of danger, clung to you like a vice. It gripped you as fast and unrelenting as the pain that would not leave your body.

“Y/N, please,” Tony pleaded, coming up from behind Bruce, one of several in audience on the other side of the glass from you. “Let us help you.”

But you could still feel it. Even curled up on the floor in a small med bay room, you couldn’t escape it.

The feel of metal locking you in, poisoning your body and mind, stabbing so deep into you that it felt like it split you apart. It left you open and exposed and vulnerable, the jaws of the trap sinking down into intimate places that should never have been touched.

You had the feeling of waking up on the quinjet, restrained and furious and unable to fight it. You were locked down and unable to move or run. You were powerless to know what was happening, too out of your mind to put anything together. All you felt was pain and voices and hands touching you, digging into the intimate places all over again.

You felt it when they tried to get you to shift back to human form at the med bay, hands and metal holding you down while you struggled. You felt pressure on your open, bleeding body, hurting you all over again in attempts to heal you. But you didn’t know healing or rational thought, the poison and your instincts taking over and blaring a red alarm of warning and danger and the need to get away.

You felt trapped. You felt locked in. You felt any touch, any subtle brush of feel against your skin would snap and instead you would feel the cutting, stabbing pain all over again.

Your breath came short and hard and shallow, trying desperately to get in enough oxygen to push out the pain, but it never did. You heart still raced, your blood still boiled under your skin, sweat dripping down it. Your claws, fully extended in your human form, matched your sharp teeth, with golden eyes swirled with blood red now.

Those eyes saw through the glass, protecting the others from you and you from escaping. You saw the massive needle with unknown liquid in Bruce’s hand, the braces and shackles in Steve’s hand, Tony suited up in his Iron Man suit. The pleading in their eyes you didn’t see. The pain in their eyes you couldn’t acknowledge.

You used to notice it before. You used to hold their hand when they looked like that. You used to comfort them.

When the door open your body shook with the simultaneous need to break free from this room and them, and recoiling back at the presence of someone approaching.

It was Bucky, hands up, feigning calm and submission, edging closer. He squatted down a few feet from the door while you growled and strained, claws shrieking out a high pitched sound as they scratched along the tile.

“You’re in pain, Y/N,” he whispered to you. “Let me help you… Please.”

There was second of giving in. A second where you would have agreed. But the pain inside you reared its head again, sending out shooting pains that spanned your whole body. Your eyes went red and deadly, snarling at the man.

“No,” you snarled, this time finding your voice, low and venomous, before the pain threatening to pull you into unconsciousness again. “I’m the family pet… and you should... you should just put me down like one.”

You felt the tears falling and the shaking sprouting out from somewhere deep, taking over you. You breathed faster as snarls turned to sobs, feeling him move closer. The darkness creeping on the edge of your vision kept you from moving or fighting him back.

You could feel him beside you, body so close he was almost pressed up against you. But before unconsciousness took you, all he did was place one hand over yours, and the other on your knee.

When you woke, it was more of the same torment.

And again, after that.

Soon you were functioning, but only just. The pain wouldn’t release you, not fully and perhaps not ever. You cringed when people came close. You yelled and snapped at them, you screamed for death sometimes and space from all of them other times.

The whole team was at a loss without you really, giving you the space you snarled and demanded out of pain.

Tony had more panic attacks. Bruce had a harder time reigning in the Hulk. Steve smiled less and frowned more. Natasha threw herself into more missions. Thor plastered on a fake smile and talked as though everything was fine. Sam was more withdrawn.

But Bucky stayed with you.

Once you were on the bathroom floor, claws scratching the side of the bathtub and teeth sunk into your lip to keep from screaming in pain. Bucky found you though, arms wrapping around you as you were hunched and crumpled. You fought him for a moment, struggling and twisting with your tears splashing over the bathroom floor and walls at the effort. But soon enough you gave into him and his gentle touch. In that moment he held you together while you broke apart.

Sometimes he couldn’t though. Sometimes you pushed him away, yelling at him and shutting him out, pain lashing bitingly and bitterly against every cell in you.

But you always left your door open. And he always came back.

To place a hand on yours. To whisper something soft and gentle in your ear. To gather you up off the ground and hold you close. To ease your trauma bit by bit in hopes it would eventually dissipate, just as you had once eased his.

_______

A/N: So if that ended too angsty for you, just reread the “Then keep spoiling me” part up until they kiss then just stop there lol. Hope you enjoyed! Please let me know??

Permanent Tag List: @dontpanc @smodvocate @bunsterjonez @buckybonky @marveloustrashpanda @hangirl93 @captainrogerrsbeard @friendly-neighborhood-lich-queen @thisgirllikeme @jjsoccer11 @innerpandablizzard-blog @fanatic-fanfic @mdgrdians @christinky @universal-death-of-a-fangirl @cauraphernelia @ailynalonso15 @cassiopeia-barrow @1elboomdemsechevarria @cameronskywalker @rogrsnbarnes @verygraphicink @onlyanothersocialcasualty @lisalisa007

Bucky Barnes Tag List: @bexboo616 @kaaatniss @lost-in-translating @emabookcookie @crazybutconfidentaf @jitterbuck

Join my tag list

[rainbowdoom32]

So I'm going to start identifying myself as aspec. Previously I identified as a bisexual aromantic but upon furthur consideration I might be asexual.

I'm posting about this b/c 1) it puts it out there and makes the lable feel more real and tangible

2) I know some of y'all IRL or on a personal enough basis that I feel you should know

3) A queers need more visibilty in gen

4) cause I want to talk abouy it

So Idk how to do a read more and am on mobile so if you dont want to hear about what being aspec means to me start scrolling now

So. In the aspec community (do we have a better word?) theres an overwhelming discourse about sexual and romantic repulsion. For those of you who dont know thats when the idea of sex , sexual content, sex itself, the idea of romance, romantic gestures, and/or romantic content acts as a squick for you it creates some spectrum of a revulsion in you to be confronted with one or more of these things. Its an overwhelming discourse for many reasons but the one I want to talk about is that it makes it obvious that your ace or aro if your repulsed by sex or romance. The process for discovering your aspec identity is easier in a way, specifically in a way it isnt for me.

See I dont experience sexual or romantic repulsion. I like romance stories and porn. I actively seek these things out. I'm not put off by discussions of others romantic or sexual lives (specific aspects may repulse me but in general I'm interested in these especially when coming from people I care about). So naturally as a teenager I never considered myself as aspec. i considered myself bisexual almost immediatly (there was a thing where I thought I was tricking myself into thinking I liked women to be included in the queer community. More on that later) it took two very short very middle school esque (one took place my sophmore year) relationships and an accidental internet encounter with the concept of aromantisim for me to realise that the reason this wasnt working for me was because I didnt really want it.

The more I thought of myself as aro the more things made sense. At the slumber parties as a kid I never had a crush to confess. Those two failed relationshios? Guy friends I'd gotten real close to and thought my new stronger friendship feelings must be what romantic attraction feels like. Also the real sticker, I dont get jealousy in romance at all. Like that one goes over my head. I dont understand why cheating is the worst thing someone can do in a relationship to the point that people who've been sucked into a cycle of abuse and have become convinced everything is their fault will snap when they discover they were cheated on. That is absolutly mind boggling for me.

The point of that is I never got that ew ick romance feeling. As a reult the road to discovering I was aromantic was long and and full of doubt. Doubt that went along the lines of "Maybe I just havent found the right person". Which also happens to be the exact thing my mum says to me everytime I try to explain that Im aromantic to her. Bisexuality she understands and accepts. This she doesnt. So even though I know intellectually theres no right person for me that niggling doubt remains andit haunts me.

Now im going to devolve a bit here and I know what this sounds like but im seriously not trying to be offensive just explain something

See I read a fanfic recently. I dont remeber how I found it but it was a Stony fic and the story and the set up were very romantic cliche. Basically Steve was Tony's booty call it evolves to friends with benefits Steve falls in love. Textbook stuff. But see theres a wrench because the author identifies as aromantic is with the definition we have aromantic. They write their identity onto Tony. Thats something we do in fanfic and in writing. But the problem I ran into is this: the author identifies as aromantic because they experience romantic repulsion(yes they told me this) so in the fic Tony is in love with Steve but experiences romantic repulsion. The idea of romance of romantic commitment makes him anxious and sick. This is how the author feels FWB allows them to experience intimacy without triggering their repulsion. Identifying as atomantic makes them feel not broken. This so good right? This is why we have labels

Except. When I read this part of the story it hurt me. Directly. See Tong Stark has Daddy Issues. Ehen the author wrote about Tony's romantic repulsion narritevly they tied it into Tony's not nice childhood. I dont know specifically why it wasnt part of thwir explanation when I told them their story hurt me. I didnt ask. But this narritive decision made what was essentially was an author expressing their experience as an aromantic in a story feel like a personal attack against my aromantic identity.

See when I read that what I read was "Tony Stark cant commit to an actual relationship with Steve Rogers because Howard Starks Grade A parenting fucked up his ability to recieve expressions of love and his ability to commit. Tony Stark is in romantic love with Steve Rogers but his childhood trauma prevents him from expresing it in the traditional manner this is what being aromantic is"

That hurt. Because it hit that little doubt in my head about not having met the "right person" and mixed it up with some childhood trauma made you a broken person. It also hit me while I felt safe. Romance stories are my escapism. Their like an extra element of fantasy in a story for me. I specifically seek out romantic stories as a comforting mechanism. Fanfics in particular because of their inclusivity. I was in my safe space, and I was whammed in a sore spot.

The problem is though the author has a right to that story and that label and to express themselves. We usually draw the line at self expression where it hurts other people but thats not what happened here. What happened here was definitial confusion. The author and I were using "aromantic" to describe two different but similar romantic orientations. In doing so we hurt each other ironically in the same way. We both said to each other "Your identity is wrong and toxic you hurt people and yourself by expressing it the way you do". (I left a comment saying how her story affected me)

When I say I'm aromantic I mean I experience no romantic feelings. None nada zilch. The idea that I might one day experience a type of romantic feeling is an aggression against me. The same way the idea that gay people can choose to be straight is an aggression against being gay.

But I can't invalidate someone else to protect myself. What do I do? I dont want to hurt myself and I dont want to hurt other people? Idk

And now to why I no longer identify as bisexual.

I'm a virgin. Because most peoples first time is with someone their in a romantic relationship with. And we'll I dont do that. Im also a socially anxious person. I have no idea how to instogate a sexual encounter and honeslty I wouldnt feel comftorable dping it with someone I couldnt trust or alternatively someone I'm friends with and would have to continue being juat friends with in post we had sex awkwardness. So ive never had an opportunity to have sex.

But I also havent sought them out. And I dont feel particularly driven to. These are reasons to think your asexual but I'm sure it's also the experience of many introverted and secually awkawrd people. And it's not like I couldnt have sex at some future point. Even now if an opportunity arose I might say yes, of only to confirm my asexuality.

The thing that has made me actually consider if I'm ace tho is a weird quirk of mine. I cant get off to prom videos. I use lit erotica. Why? Cause the idea that those are real live people puts me off. Porn stars and amateur porn makers know people get off watching their videos. Theyre okay with that. But I'm not. At all. Thats a big ol nope for me.

See I'm a ciswoman. Which means I have a clitoris. An organ whose only purpose is to provide pleasure. As everyone knows reciving pleasure via the clit requires no participation by a second person. The fact that my clitiros functions as intended and that I use it isnt sexual attraction.

Thats a new idea for me. But it's true isnt it? Sexual attraction is about other people. And sure I can appreciate other people's hotness. But just because I think a horse is pretty doesnt mean I want to fuck it. Remeber that thing about thinking I was faking bisexuality?? I was right. I wasnt sexually attracted to women. But what I hadnt bothered to consider because of heteronormativity was that I wasnt sexually attracted to men either.

Other fun fact in case you might be an ace person who's read this far (why? Also hi Katie and possibly Sadie but definelty Nishat. No im not implying any of you are ace) I dont have sex dreams. But I do have dreams in which I masturbate. So stick that jn your pipe and smoke it.

Anyways these are all experinces that I have that I feel neccessry to share to make it so the repulsion story isnt the only one out there. And also to start a discourse about how experiencing and not experiencing repulsion affect aspec experience. Thanks for reading!

[themeed]

well i managed to crawl out for a month but uh. last night was a big trigger fest.

went to my friends with another friend. they complimented me on my weight loss and said it was obvious i had lost a shitton. (which. like 20 pounds, yeah, i... guess thats a lot but its not Enough).

other friend struggled w ed in middle school. their mom made some Comments recently and now they're uncomfy and they asked about weight loss. friend we were visiting said they could stand to lose maybe 15 or 20 pounds if they wanted, but they certainly dont qualify as fat.

which. is the same amount as they congratulated me on.

we all compared body types and fat content. comments on our thighs and stomachs and backs and chests.

and i am now. wearing my comfort hoodie. watching youtbe. dissociating. ive had 630 calories today because i know i cant restrict super hard so fast. i smiled this morning after skipping dinner and waking up hungry, that lovely hunger that aches but doesn't hurt. you know you could eat but you're not Hungry hungry even if you can feel your empty stomach. its... a good feeling.

im gonna have a sandwich and some ice cream for my second and final meal for the day and itll probably be some... 430 cal, ending around 1060 for the day.

gods. i want to go to sleep. i want to lie down and waste away.

on the way home a song from my mental loop playlist came on. then one from a self harm perspective. my friend and i listened to an anxiety vent playlist. scream sang the whole way. it didnt help. made it worse?

maybe.

im not doing so hot. im worried about my job status too. and rent and my dads birthday.

i think im gonna go pass out. this totally counts as my journal for the new List Of Organization.

i pasted it on my freezer fridge door.

ive made progress recently, in terms of philosophy and uncovering and understanding my issues. responsibility and suicidal thoughts and attachment issues and how much im hurting and have been hurt and dissociation as a coping mechanism for mental and emotional abuse and then as an anxiety mechanism too. and to cope with school and the boredom and not being able to do what i want and the lack of freedom.

i dont know if ill ever get to the point where i uncover why i hate not being free in my own definition. like thats such a core part of who i am and i am terrified of that being rooted in abuse. if i dont value freedom who am i? but also... i think ive always valued freedom. i think how i approach it has changed. when i was small i didnt care about the opinions of others and their actions or anything. but here i am now caring a Lot. and part of that is... in later elementary, from then on, peoples opinions and words started precluding actions that infringed on my routines and worldview. and then it scaled into full on abuse by my mother. words started mattering a whole FUCKING lot, and actions as well. words had to be careful, actions could be covered up with the right motive and words. a tool for power and put downs. and i hated it and feared it.

and when i started fearing others, noticed how i wasnt free to Be anymore... i started panicking and dissociating and i couldnt handle NOT being me so i stopped.

i stopped being me because i couldnt stand to see me destroyed or warped or killed by the spirits of envy and hatred all around me.

that makes it sound so poetic, but i was scared and it was terrible and awful and scary. and i cant say i regret it because im still not me.

ill never be the same me again. im not even fully me of now.

freedom is. so important to me. it sucks that that was put in jeopardy. that a singular sun in my world was destroyed on someone else's whims, for someone else's COMFORT. as if the mind of child is something okay to smother when they disagree with you.

fuck that. i hate her. i hate this. i hate that this happened. i hate that im not me. i cant hate myself. i cant even be myself and i hate that fact its frustrating.

im making progress but i dont know if i can even hit a point where i comfy enough to be me. if i can reach an understanding with the others and stope fearing. if theyll ever stop being frustrated with me long enough for us to effectively communicate. if we can. if its fair for me to expect or ask explanations for emotions and rules. if its okay. if ill ever be okay again.

im crying now.

im gonna get some water and curl up.

just asked that we all have access to this journal here in the system. i.

im scattered. hey, more progress ig.

insight, at least.

i need a therapist but i dont know if im willing to trust someone with all of these innermost thoughts and ideas and the backstory. i dont know if i can trust a strangers judgement.

what if they call me a liar and call it a day?

yea we can just move on and find a new therapist. it will hurt though. leave us with more issues. devastating to be invalidated by someone with a license. like yea the system has issues and all and you cant guarentee people dont have bias or are otherwise a good fit or even fit for the job every time. it still sucks that i have to go into this with that uncertainty. it makes it harder and easier, i think, to know that. therapists are imperfect, theyre people just like you and me. i just. thats more comforting than i thought it would be. i thought realizing they were professionals meant like. their word has to be taken as holy or some shit. no it doesnt theyre people. theyre trained, but quality control is questionable and bias is extensive and training is sometimes pretty niche. i need to look for someone specifically trained in like. 4 or 5 things. like. anxiety, depression, borderline, osdd/did, autism, add/adhd, possibly ocd, and DEFINITELY cptsd. i dont know what exactly i have but i know i have more than one and i kinda need to work through a shitton and find out whats UP. seriously. i might need medication. id like to try cbt/dbt first and work on integration/personal identity first. but holy SHIT.

im not mentioning ed beyond In The Past if i can help it ahfjfsgkf. like ed i have in hand. i know its a way to feel in control because im afraid of the world and also to approach the body i want, fulfill society standards in a way i wish i didnt care at all about but i do care at least a little despite my denial, and to combat dysphoria/prepare for top surgery.

gods above. im kinda fucked up huh. like more at once than i think is possible and i might be giving myself more issues if i dont handle my new job in a healthy way.

fuck.

anyway. yeah. im back. im not better than ever but im making progress. todays a bad mental health day so far. i want to lose another 10 pounds before i see a therapist just in case. if they say i should try losing weight i am going to glare flatly and absolutely spill how much ive lost but not the timeline or ed habits. but yknow. 165 or so before starting? puts me solidly in the Chubby At First Glance But Not Super Overweight category.

me and my friends also tried to weigh my tits the other day. kitchen scale and leaning down put them at 4.5 lbs each, theyre big enough to try, but thats probably an understimation by like, 40% just by sheer volume. thats like. 10, 15 pounds minimum of boob weight. i want it gone. gone. away please. off my body. no tits or an A cup. and an A cup is highly unlikely so full top it is.

gods. okay ive gone on long enough im going to get water and lay down now. im still dissociating pretty heavily.

[aion-rsa]

Zodiac Killer Code Cracked After 51 Years

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

An international team of private citizens and codebreakers have cracked the Zodiac Killer’s mysterious “340 Cipher” 51 years after it landed on the FBI’s desk. The Zodiac Killer attacked at least eight people in California between 1966 and 1969. He taunted investigators in the aftermath of his spree, sending letters and puzzles about his unsolved cases. He claimed to have killed at least 37 people, although only five of those deaths can be definitively attributed to the killer. While the Zodiac Killer has never been caught, his case is still active. But now one major mystery has been solved.

Zodiac had a habit of taunting police by sending letters to the press, and several of those contained intricate codes, some of which he claimed would ultimately reveal his identity. This marks the second coded message to be broken by civilians. In July of 1969, a puzzle sent in pieces to The San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco Examiner, and Vallejo Times-Herald newspapers in 1969, was cracked by a school teacher from Salinas, Calif., and his wife. The puzzle was known as the 408 cipher after the number of characters it depicted. This first cipher laid out what was essentially the Zodiac Killer’s manifesto, with lines such as “I like killing because it is so much fun.”

This second cipher came to be known as the “340 Cipher,” and was sent in a letter to the San Francisco Chronicle in November of 1969.

“I HOPE YOU ARE HAVING LOTS OF FUN IN TRYING TO CATCH ME,” reads the message, according to David Oranchak, a member of the team which deciphered the cryptogram. “THAT WASNT ME ON THE TV SHOW WHICH BRINGS UP A POINT ABOUT ME, I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE GAS CHAMBER, BECAUSE IT WILL SEND ME TO PARADICE ALL THE SOONER, BECAUSE I NOW HAVE ENOUGH SLAVES TO WORK FOR ME, WHERE EVERYONE ELSE HAS NOTHING WHEN THEY REACH PARADICE, SO THEY ARE AFRAID OF DEATH. I AM NOT AFRAID BECAUSE I KNOW THAT MY NEW LIFE IS LIFE WILL BE AN EASY ONE IN PARADICE DEATH.” 

The coded message contains 340 characters, but no obvious clues.

The section which says “That wasn’t me on the TV show” refers to an episode of Bay Area television talk show, The Jim Dunbar Show, where attorney Melvin Belli was the guest. Someone claiming to be the Zodiac called the Oakland police station on Oct. 22, 1969, demanding Belli, or Boston attorney F. Lee Bailey, appear on the show. While the show was being broadcast, the station received several calls from a man who called himself “Sam,” and kept hanging up in order to stop police from tracing the calls. 

The cryptic message was sent two and a half weeks later.  On Dec. 20, 1969, Belli received a letter from the Zodiac at his home. To confirm he was the killer, a portion of a victim’s bloodstained shirt was included in the envelope. The message was interpreted as the Zodiac Killer’s way of saying Sam was an imposter.

The coded message was first submitted to the FBI Laboratory on Nov. 13, 1969. Their Cryptographic and Racketeering Records Unit reviewed numerous proposed solutions over the past 51 years, but none had merit. On Friday, Oranchak posted a video on YouTube detailing how he, Sam Blake of Australia and Jarl Van Eycke of Belgium cracked the code. “Last weekend, a team I’m on solved the 340 and submitted it to the FBI,” Oranchak told the San Francisco Chronicle. “They have confirmed the solution. No joke! This is the real deal.”

To break the cipher, the team collected information about variations in the cipher text. 

“My main contribution here was actually enumerating many possible reading directions through the cipher, in total over 650,000,” Sam Blake told ZodiacKillerFacts.com. “David and I both ran these through azdecrypt and zkdecrypto respectively. Interestingly, only azdecrypt was able to find the fragments of the complete solution. It was a needle in a haystack. Even finding the right haystack to search in was lucky.”

The three experts checked and expanded each other’s work extensively before submitting their findings to the authorities on Friday, Dec. 4. The bureau called Oranchak three times on Saturday morning. 

“When I talked to the FBI, they only needed to make one change to the solution.” Oranchak told ZodiacKillerFacts.com. The team deciphered a six-letter section as “soo her.” Oranchak said the FBI’s “cryptanalyst called me and she said she thinks it’s supposed to say, ‘sooner’” instead.”

The FBI confirmed the cryptologic researchers’ claims about the cipher popularly known as Z340. “The FBI is aware that a cipher attributed to the Zodiac Killer was recently solved by private citizens,” the FBI’s San Francisco office tweeted Friday.  “The Zodiac Killer case remains an ongoing investigation for the FBI San Francisco and our local law enforcement partners. The Zodiac Killer terrorized multiple communities across Northern California, and even though decades have gone by, we continue to seek justice for the victims of these brutal crimes.”

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

While the Zodiac Killer was never caught, the most likely suspect remains Arthur Leigh Allen, who died of a heart attack in 1992 having never been formally charged with the killings. But other suspects have held the attention of amateur sleuths through the years, although only a small handful have appeared credible. Perhaps the cracking of the latest Zodiac code will finally bring investigators a step closer to solving the case.

The post Zodiac Killer Code Cracked After 51 Years appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3r0zx7k

[dent-de-leon]

On a scale of 1 to 10 how likely do you think is the possibility of Sheith being canon? - Sincerely, a very distraught Sheith shipper who doesn't know whether she should trust the overwhelming staff support for Sheith as something more or just bait.

oh i think theres a good chance actually! i wouldnt believe that if not for 1 korrasami and 2 the staff already voicing that lgbt representation is something important to them that they’d like to add. sheith has a lot of backing from staff, both the writers and vas. and its nice to see that, even with some fans demanding that staff stop “withholding information” and outright writing callout posts about even the showrunner and episode directors for supporting shieth, that they haven’t stopped. there seems to be this general sentiment that the staff owes those kinds of fans something when?? its the writers’ story not theirs? and im glad they’ve made it clear that they aren’t willing to compromise decisions they’ve already made in the writing to suit what’s popular (see: “space mom” allura). 

so anyway: what’s done is done. and from what we have, i think season 2 basically establishes two potential love interests for keith: Shiro and allura. both are kinda unpopular with a lot of the fandom, but based on character interactions so far theyre the two that make the most sense to me. so anyway, i think that sheith has just as good a shot as kallura, which fans are already recognizing as something possibly romantic. There’s a bunch of parallels in their interactions i really like: 

shiro and allura are both represented as opposite sides of the scale in reaction to keith’s galra reveal. or, on a scale of allura to shiro, how well do you handle keith being galra after youve gotten close to him?

they both hug keith goodbye in this private moment to see him off before a dangerous mission. these scenes also both relate to keith being galra—shiro showing his support immediately after bom, and allura apologizing for her (quite understandable) reaction

both ships have an episode where they’re separated from the team and get a lot of one on one character development—see arc of traujeer  and across the universe/blade of marmora 

keith is the one who reassures both shiro and allura that the team needs them–who would open wormholes? and Nothing is gonna happen 

so anyway, in terms of which pairing i think is most likely, its either of those two, and id be happy with either ;;    but some other things shieth has going for it: 

its the ship i can most easily see being lgbt representation 

they already have an established backstory, one that we havent even explored yet, and we know whatever happened it was monumental enough that keith says shiro literally changed his life 

shiro is the person keith most desperately wants to see. out of everyone, lying there dying on the floor, the person he wants is shiro. whether you see it as platonic or romantic, its obvious that 1 keith loves him and 2 shiro is the most important person in his life. he doesnt even stay for his dad, but he does chase after the fake shiro

seems like theyre fated to keep getting separated and then reuniting, i dunno that seems pretty fairytale to me 

keith’s intro scene being his rescue of shiro. right when we first meet keith, we automatically associate him with shiro 

shiro wants keith to pilot black, and they already both share a mental link with her 

keith’s first and last lines right now are both “Shiro”

shiro seeing keith’s hallucinations in bom is, to me, the most deeply interpersonal, intimate scene in the entire series. its one thing to talk to another character about your feelings, but its another to be right there with them in their head. shiro saw a part of him that i dont think anyone else ever will 

i talked about this in my hug post a bit but while keith kinda represents this galra side of shiro (he’s the right arm of voltron and shiro’s right arm is also galra) it seems like shiro represents keith’s humanity. keith is humanized by his compassion and vulnerability with shiro. shiro is basically shown to be the one thing tying keith to earth–his family was gone, and he really had no other friends. he was lost without the garrison. after shiro was taken he had nothing left. he’s one of the only paladins who never expresses being homesick. Whatever good memories he had of earth, im guessing shiro was a big part of them. and shiro is the one there when keith finds out he’s galra, is the first one to reassure him. 

they mirror each other in a lot of their scenes 

seems to get a lot of staff support 

anyway i think it has a pretty fair shot, but that’s just my take on it. as for queer baiting in general, im already seeing people talk about that, but like…we’re 24 or so episodes into a 78 confirmed episode series. major ships aren’t gonna be cannon for a while now, so i think its best to wait a little and give some more time for relationships to develop. korrasami wasnt even a thing until the very end. and while i dont think that will be the case here, i think we just need to give it a little more time. id like to believe theyre sincere about lgbt representation, and would rather them take their time to develop it properly than get something just thrown together and feel like my identity was just reduced to a stereotype 

[l-brouillette]

Marinette's Diary (3)

I cant even begin to say how much nicer and easier things got, being able to tell at least one person about being a superhero. Everyone at school seemed happy we were together, although Chloe naturally was a bit upset.

"WHAT?!? you cant be serious!? You and the baker girl?? Over me?!? Re-diculous! Utterly ridiculous!" I smiled as i recalled how she took it. True Chloe fashion.

Alya was understandably a bit confused, but still happy for me. She even said we could double date! If only she knew our double date was a group of all of Paris superheroes! I hadnt even told Adrien that part yet, and he hadnt asked. Yet. Im sure he will, once the need for their help becames necessary, but, one bridge at a time!

Adrien keeps asking when i can come meet his dad. While normally I wouldnt hedge and find excuses not to go, in this instance, after that fiasco with his dads book, Im not in a rush to look his dad in the face any time soon! But i CANT tell Adrien that!

Although, maybe i should? Gosh! I dont know! Its all too much at once! Not that i would EVER give up anything in order to change the outcome, but still! How do i deal?!

This evening, Chat Noir and i finished defeating the bad guy and capturing their akuma when Alya ran up to us, trying to get a new scoop for her ladyblog.

"I can only give you a minute," i told her, as my earrings started to beep.

"Wow! You guys are getting so crazy good! At this rate Hawkmoth wont stand a chance!" She exclaimed, videotaping the whole time.

I smiled at her, trying to think of a whitty response, when Chat Noir dropped down beside me. He ran his hand over my hair and gave me a warm smile.

I smiled up at Chat and he asked, "Is My Lady telling you all about how her ah-mazing partner makes her a better hero?!" He joked, grinning for the camera.

"Oh, for sure Kitty Chat," I smiled coyly at him, and batted my lashes, "we make the purr-fect team!" Chat laughed at my joke.

I looked back at Alya who had a different light in her eye than usual. Like she wanted to ask something, but just wasnt.

"Wow, no more questions from Miss reporter tonight? Cat got your tongue all the sudden?" Chat Noir asked Alya with a laugh.

For once, Alya didnt respond. She just clicked off her video without saying anything further.

I stared at her a bit surprised, this was not like Alya! I was brought out of my thoughts when my earrings beeped again, and Chat touched my hand in warning.

"We have to go Bugaboo," and he lightly tugged on my hand.

I looked at him, nodded, then looked back at Alya and gave her a quick smile and a wave. Still holding Chats hand, we ran aways away before Chat pulled me close and extended his pole to vault us out of there.

We landed in the park next to my house just before both of us transformed back. I reached into my bag for a macaroon for Tikki, and a piece of cheese for Plagg, which i had started to carry just for him. He really was just adorable!

"Its kind of nice, having your secret stash of cheese for Plagg," Adrien remarked, as both Quamis flew up into a nearby tree to eat and talk between themselves.

I smiled at Adrien before holding out a hand for him to take.

"Its not really a big deal, but your welcome."

We walked around the fountain in the park holding hands, while i chewed on Alyas behaviour tonight. What could it mean?

"I can just hear the gears working inside your head," Adrien remarked. "Whats got you worried?"

I pulled him to sit along the edge of the fountain with me, where he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. For a few seconds, i didnt say anything.

"Do you think Alya is suspicious of us?" I finally asked him. "I mean, it was very unlike her tonight." I looked at him, to see if I could tell what he was thinking.

He pursed his lips for a few moments, thinking, and finally shrugged his shoulders a bit. "Honestly, its kind of hard to say. Maybe something we said tipped her off? But i dont remember saying anything out of the ordinary."

I laughed. "Nope, you were your usual Chatty self!"

"Hey!" He exclaimed with mock shock, "you happen to like my witty humor!"

"My Silly Kitty." I whispered, with a smile on my face, as i wrapped both arms around him for a real hug.

He rested his chin on the top of my head, and i could feel him smile. I was exactly where i wanted to be, and, i thought, exactly where Adrien wanted us to be.

Just then, the evening was broken by the sound of running feet, and suddely Alya came into view.

Adrien and i both jumped up from our seated position, and i worried something was wrong!

"Alya, whats wrong?" I called to her. And started to head her way. I glanced back to see Tikki and Plagg perk up and zoom our way. Tikki hiding herself in my bag, and Plagg hiding inside Adriens shirt. Better keep them close in case there was a problem.

We met Alya part way through the park where she stopped and rested her hands on her knees, and bent over, breathing hard.

"I got over here as soon as i could." She managed in between pants. "I REALLY need a word with you!!

Her expression looked serious. I glanced back at Adrien, making sure he was fine with everything.

Alya jumped in quickly, "Oh, him too!" And she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards my house.

Once we were safely inside my room, Alya turned to Adrein and i and demanded, "Are you Ladybug and Chat Noir??!"

I was super shocked! I stared at her wide eyed, not sure what to do, what to say. Where had that come from??

"What?!" I tried to brush it off. "Why on the world would you think that??! Of course we aren't!" I looked at Adrien to see if he had something else to add. Something better to throw her off.

"Do you really think we could pull off being the saviours of Paris??" He asked.

I looked back at Alya, and it didnt look like she was believing us.

"Where did you get such a ridiculous idea from?" I asked her.

Alya crossed her arms in front of her chest and started taping one foot. "Oh come on. I have just spent the last week watching you two being all lovey dovey to each other, did you really think it would skip my notice when Chat Noir was touchy feeler with Ladybug and she DIDNT push him away?!"

"Uh, um, I-it - m-maybe there was a fly? I mean, who knows!" I stammered.

"Ya," Adrien tried to help, "or maybe, coincidentaly, Chat Noir and Ladybug got together around the same time we did?" He mentioned questioningly. "Or who knows, maybe longer and nobody noticed?" He added with a shrug of his shoulders and motion of his hands, trying to look unconcerned.

"Oh come on!" Alya exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. "Your gonna actually try and lie to me? I'm your best friend Marinette!"

"And its my best friend I am talkimg to and thinking of." I said quietly.

"Oh, I get it," Alya finally said, as she paced away from us, and back again, "this is about the conversation we had the night my sisters were akumatized. About wanting to protect your friends and family from the badies."

I clasped my hands together in front of me, and looked down at the floor. Then i felt Adriens hand on my shoulder. I looked at him, and the look in his eyes made me wonder if he was telling me to just tell her. But how could I? Not only was that one other person who knew, but then Rena Rouges identity was out too! And then how long before Ninos?

I was Ladybug. All of this fell on me.

I walked away from them both to the window and rested my hands on the sil, and lowered my forehead to the glass. What to do, what to do...

I saw Tikki in my bag, trying to catch my eye. She nodded at me, and whispered "trust your instincts."

I smiled at her, glad she understood. So i straightened and turned back to Alya and Adrien. Walking over to Adrien, I took one of his hands in both of mine, as a kind of support.

"Your right Alya, I am Ladybug."

"Ha!" She yelled, and pumped a fist up into the air. "I knew it! There was no mistaking that telltale Adrien hair rub back there!"

Adrien and I looked at each other, and we both blushed. I guess it WAS fairly obvious.

"And your right as well that I am Chat Noir," Adrien said with a smile, never letting his gaze leave mine.

I looked at Alya, finally, to see her grin running from ear to ear.

"This is AWESOME! now we can fight the badies together!" Alya beamed!! So excited that she didnt notice Adrien raise a brow at her.

"Um, Alya?" I drew her attention to me. "Just bc Adrien knows I am Ladybug, doesn't mean he knew who everyone else was..." I left it at that and let it sink in.

Her mouth moved into an "O" and she blushed furiously. "Man, if i had been with anyone else that would have been a major oops, huh?"

"Kind of," I agreed.

"So i take it then that Alya is Rena Rouge." Adrien stated.

"Uh, ha ha, ya," Alya rubbed the back of her neck. "My bad."

I couldn't help it, I let go of Adriens hand and gave Alya a hug.

Alya pushed me back quickly and held me at arms length.

"Oh my god! I can't wait to tell Nino!" Alya exclaims in excitement!!

"Alya, whoa, we can't just tell everyone," Adrien begins, stepping forward and putting a hand on her shoulder, "we still have to keep ourselves safe."

Alya lifted a brow and smirked at me. "He doesn't know does he?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I guess there went my earlier dilemma.

"Nino is Carapace" Alya tells Adrien matter-of-factly.

"What?! No way!" Adrien says excitedly. "Really?"

"It was SOO obvious," Alya began, "im surprised you didnt notice. It only took me like 30 seconds."

I chuckled at the two of them, and put my hand on Adriens shoulder, "don't feel bad for not knowing. Its supposed to be a secret identity, after all. Im sure how close Alya and Nino are is what made her recognize him."

He smiled at me, "ya, your right... But wow! Nino!"

"He was Awesome, wasnt he?!" I said with a chuckle. "I made a great choice with him."

"So wait," Adrien frowned, "do you pick everyone?? Did you pick -me?" He looked worried about that fact. Did he think i had chosen him just because i liked him? I sure hoped not.

"No, i didnt choose you. We were chosen by a..." I tapped my lip and I searched for a good way to put it, "higher power, well say. Only when we needed extra help, did we recieve it."

"Well i dont even care how, I LOVE it!" Alya exclaimed excitedly! "Do you think there will come a time when i DONT have to give you back the Miraculous?"

"I cant answer that." I told her, frowning a but. It was a really good question. One id be sure to ask Master Fu when i saw him next. "That part isnt up to me."

Just then, Tikki and Plagg flew out from their hiding place. Tikki flew over to sit on my shoulder. "The Ladybug and Chat Ring go hand in hand. You cant JUST put out Ladybug, you need the other side to her!"she explained to us.

"Oh wow!" Alya exclaimed, putting her hands on either side of her face. "Is this your Quami? She's adorable!"

"This is Tikki." I told her.

And, not to be outdone, Plagg did a Double flip and hovered next to Adrien, "and im Plagg!"

"Man, this is so Awesome!" Alya did a fist pump in the air. Then flung one arm around me, the other around Adrien, for a group hug.

I was glad it had all worked out. I'd have to explain to Master Fu, but there was no helping it. As i looked at my 2 friends, I knew it was the right call.